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The Podcast

So… I host this podcast called “Sex Nerd Sandra.” I extract sex tips, techniques & titillating tidbits from unique human beings & experts. I marvel at the human condition and cuddle up to the science that helps explain it. And P.S., I laugh, just absolutely laugh at our mating dance. I love humans. I just don’t quite understand them.

Released with Nerdist Industries, my show has been downloaded over 8 million times in less than 4 years and by the looks of the emails, tweets and facebook messages I get, I’d say the sexy little snowflakes listening all over the world are pretty amazing people.

And although I’m a dictionarily-defined expert on the subject, each of us is the captain of our own sexuality. I’ve been teaching pleasure and communication for over 5 years now and it feels like I just got started. There’s so much to know, so much to discover, so much to feel!

Listen in on my journey every hump day! Sex your earholes with any of the following delivery systems:

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326 Responses to “The Podcast”

SANDRA! which podcast was it that you had talked about the website that we can go to and find a free audiobook. I,for the life of me, cannot remember and ever since i’ve heard you talk about the book she comes first I HAVE WANTED IT SO BAD!!! but i dont have money to buy it. could you please help me out?!

That was a mean way to say that. I’m a sex nerd, not an new media nerd. I appreciate when my knowledgeable friends and listeners let me know ways I can do things better. Thank you for telling me in your own special way.

Just discovered your podcast a few weeks ago. Listening to them all chronologically. So amazing. Fun, entertaining, witty, charming and informative. I recently had opportunity to put in practice some tips from “G-Spotting” to very positive results. :o)

Thanks for doing this. The first podcast I’ve ever found worth listening to.

I have a story related to your discussion about wetness and arrousal not being related. I had what can best be described as a relationship of convenience over a roughly 10 year period with a musician friend that focused primarily on spanking. Typically, she would be VERY wet after (well before, during and after) a spanking and it was very easy to make her cum following a trip over my knee. On one occassion, she got a punishment spanking (unlike our usual playful get togethers). She was not looking forward to getting scolded and spanked for real and while she was every bit as wet as usual she was not in a sexy frame of mind. After a while of not making her climax she basically said, sorry…I can’t right now. The story has a happy ending (no pun intended) but I just wanted to share my agreement with what was said on your podcast, which by the way I really enjoy.

Dear Sandra,
I love the podcast, but this is the first time that I feel I have to write in because I do not agree with what I heard. I listened to that “Man Box” episode and I have my doubts that certain ideas discussed here will work. Men are complicated, I agree. I have been in some sort of sexual Sahara for too long and I do not think that it is just because of a lack of confidence. You can be the most interesting person in the room, but if no one knows it, what difference does it make? I also think that confidence is something that can never be learned and that it explains why so many men, who know better and are sensitive about these things, turn to porn rather than face the difficulty of trying to hook up with someone in a bar or club. I am curious about the book that the doctor mentioned and I am following her on Twitter, but most of this episode was just a pipe dream to me.
Sorry, it had to be said.

It’s ok that you have doubts KD. If a person is confident, I doubt there would be anyone in the room that does not know this, because a confident person would be talking to people in the room and being personable, so by that definition maybe they are not as confident as they think they are. Also to say confidence cannot be learned is to reject the results of Toastmasters and other places which teach people how to be confident and have demonstrable success. So while you thought most of the episode was a pipe dream, I actually got a lot out of it and learned a lot from it. Yes changing yourself is hard, but of course you can change. You’ve been changing every day since you were born.

Sandra, I just finished listening to your podcast with Dr.Ryan from “Sex at Dawn” that was referred to me by a friend and I really enjoyed it… His conversation and yours was very crisp and natural. insightful, thank you!!

Hi Sandra, I came into your podcast at the Marc Maron ep. You are wise, funny, and an awesome educator. I was taken aback that on such a progressive and cool show, you didn’t call Dave out on his comments about differently-abled and other marginalized people.

I turned the podcast off at 1:03, after Dave joked “Let’s go out and beat up some q***rs”. I don’t care if it was a joke – you are cooler than that, and you should have called him out on such a horrible joke. Why is Dave on the show? Is he a sex educator or have other expertise he’s offering?

Thank you for listening, Daniella. I can’t seem to find the spot on the Dirty Talk ep where Dave says this, at minute 1:03, nor at hour 1:03:00. Part of Dave’s humor is irony, and Dave has also spoken many a time on equality and respect for all. That is part of the reason why he is on the show. Until I can actually hear the context of the joke, I cannot fully speak to the nature of this clip. Please let me know which episode you speak of.

I appreciate the reply and taking the time to address it.
It’s in Talking Dirty With Marc Maron at 1:03:25.
You and Marc were so clearly uncomfortable with the comment, and I do wish you had called him out on it.

I thought the latest episode on virginity touched on a lot of good points. I hope you will get deeper into the topic in the future because I share a lot of the concerns/thoughts that were mentioned on the show. I hope I can get some advice on these.

It was mostly the part about the self esteem and confidence. The type of thinking that it hasn’t happened now, so why try. I actually sent you an email about this, but didn’t quite know how to ask if you had read it. I didn’t want to seem like the creepy stalker guy that sent too many messages. See, I know that much;)

“Virgin: The Sexual Debutante” hit a nerve with me. This may have been the hardest episode for me to listen to and I have to say that you and Dave have very strong nerves to share this info on the air. I am going to keep listening and learning…!

Sandra! I live in Louisville Ky and I stumbled across your podcast today and I’m so happy i did. I couldn’t top laughing. I introduced 2 of my friends to the podcast already so keep it up and know you have at least 3 new fans!

Can you have a show on guys who have problems getting pleasure from sex because women cannot handle their penis size? Also perhaps have women that are size queens and found ways to please men with a bit extra down there. Many guys wish for this, but its not all its cracked up to be.

Sandra,
Loved the recent “Box Blues” podcast. I’ve been experiencing pain for two years and after a year of seeing my gyno regularly and each time receiving nothing but a cranky doctor telling me she has no clue what the issue was and to try I ignore it, I now know where to look for help. Thanks for answering questions that can’t be answers my moms, friends, or doctors!

This could be a bit technical, but did you recently changed de audio format on the nerdist stream, now I can’t stream your podcast to my Android Phone (android 4). It make’s my commute a lot more enjoyable. Could you change it back, or are there other options to stream your podcast.

I listen to your podcast and I love them. I listen in my car when I’m driving around.

In the beginning of podcast#45 (Dating and…Chivalry?), you were talking about the “paper-cutter movement” because you could not remember the scientific word to use. I think the word you were looking for was “fulcrum”. It sounds cool when associated with your podcast theme because it sounds close to another word. ;)

I have just began to listen to your podcast over the past couple of months. I just wanted to compliment you on your show and all that it has educated me on. I am most impressed by all of the sex world that I didn’t know about. I also like to learn about the struggles and triumphs of others, not only sexually but socially as well. I have heard a lot about sexual labels such as bi, gay, lesbian, homosexual, heterosexual, polyamory, etc (the list goes on but you get the point). I was wondering if you could talk a little about confidence in relation to those sexually traumatized or gone through a sexually traumatizing event. I would love to hear both how to regain sexual confidence and how to communicate past trauma to a partner in a constructive and positive way. How people are affected, and sex positive ways to move forward after such events. If you have already done an episode on this please direct me to it, as I would love to hear it (this issue hits close to home). In the mean-time keep doing your thing and thank you so much for educating the peoples!

Hey Sandra, I don’t recall if you’ve ever addressed this, but I’m super-curious about what’s going on physically for those of us (self-included) who find that a full bladder can intensify orgasms and/or produce spontaneous orgasms without physical stimulation. Despite teaching human sexuality for several years, I’ve NEVER seen a discussion or explanation of this phenomenon (I imagine it’s something about the bladder pressing on the G-zone?).

I would recommend two books to you on male archetypes. The first is the classic of the secular men’s movement, Iron John by Robert Bly. The second is the Christian follow on, Adam’s Return by Richard Rohr. I think the subject is incredibly interesting and deeply woven into other areas.

Hey Sandra! I’m listening to Sex Q&A: Vag, Dating & Trolls, and I just wanted to let you and Dave know that I think you’re both great and that you do a wonderful job of mixing education and comedy while at the same time both seeming really approachable and real. Love the podcast, and I’m always hyping it to everyone I know. Keep doing what you do, and don’t let the haters get you down (that goes for you too Dave!)

I am listening to your episode covering your trip to Tokyo and it is really bringing back a lot of memories for me. I was a teacher in Japan for three years and I pretty much did most of the things that you experienced or wanted to experience there. I wonder, though, about bringing love hotels here. I live in Montreal and I think that it would a great idea for this particular city. In other parts of this hemisphere, however, I am not sure it would work. You would have to keep the same sort of atmosphere to the buildings and a level of privacy that may not exist here.
Anyway, great episode and a very interesting idea. Segoi!

“A Numbers Game”
Yeah, some guys physically don’t orgasm. Like me. Though I do enjoy sex (obviously or I wouldn’t listen to your podcast), orgasm is still in the “I’ve heard good things” category for me. The commentary on being “broken” to not have an orgasm as a guy makes me laugh just a little at his reaction to “intact”.

You’re podcast helps me draw lol. I love all the interesting ideas for things I get while learning about sex and health. I just made some kissing doodles because of the Kiss and makeout episode. Awesome show I love it. <3

I quit listening to Marc Maron’s podcast for this reason. It’s happened on your show twice now, and if anyone ever eats into a microphone again I’m done listening. I can’t tell you how gross it is to me.

Hi! I’ve enjoyed your podcast for quite some time. Not only do I consider you a wealth of knowledge (and I really hope you go for the Ph.D.), but I think you and Dave have two of the best voices in podcasting. For that matter, Dave is a great co-host, because he is willing to go for a joke, but only where it won’t screw up the informative threads of any given discussion. You both also have a great rapport, despite (or because of) the fact that you approach the show from different backgrounds and viewpoints.

(I also think you’re gorgeous, but that doesn’t really have much to do with the quality of your podcast.)

So…thanks for educating and entertaining, but always keeping your show way above the level of standard-issue “edutainment.” Both of you.

Sandra, I heard yr show for the first time today.. I must say I enjoyed yr show and yr nerdy side the podcast was the one where you had Laura and her open relationship bf keep up the good work ill keep listening thanks.oh ya was she hot?

Love the show, but I have a question I have become emotional detached from emotions so my sexual urges have become almost dead. I wanted to know of it’s natural that when I masturbate takes several hours for me to cum.

Thanks! I’m happy that I found your blog and podcast. I don’t normally listen to podcasts… but this one has caught my interest :). Sandra, you’re so respected by all of your listeners, and I think you’re doing a great thing by helping all of these people. I will definitely be using your advice in my personal life… SO insightful! Thank you!!!

Ello I just started listing to your podcast and it was a mixture of laughing and then serious thinking its awsome. I was wondering if you had any podcasts on starting over or from new and helpful pointers on where to go meet the right people. I was dating this girl and looking back she was not right really did not have a healthy mind, well it ended up real bad when she cheated on me with my best friend. Love finding out the 2 closest people you have in your life want to distroy you. With that I lost all the people I used to hang out with, I’m 19 and do not enjoy sitting around doing nothing, I was wondering if you know where to go or advice on going out by yourself to meet more people without seeming like a huge creep and not getting what’s left of ones self confidence crushed more. Awsome pod cast super funny.

Hello, I’m a 17 year old male from Sweden. Yes from Sweden i know. A couple of months ago I found your podcast and you lit up my day, you are awesome and I listen to you every day. You have helped me understand my girlfriend and friends problems and needs.

I’m a 31 year old healthy male, and I’ve recently been suffering from sexual performance anxiety, or stage fright. It really caught me by surprise, and cost me a new relationship that was otherwise going well.
I started dating someone else just recently and it happened again. I was hoping you could offer advice on how to overcome it or point me to a helpful resource.
Thanks

Hi Sex nerd Sandra and everyone!
I just listened to the podcast which ended with a story on persistent genital arousal.
I heard a news story about that topic one year ago. The sufferer, a female who had tried almost everything, took a drug to quit smoking- Chantix, I believe- and found that the drug also cured her PGA. Hope this helps some of you out there,
Michael

I can’t remember what episode is was that you talked with someone about vertical dancing. I seem to remember you guys listing some great websites to check out for more information. Anyway if you happen to remember and could let me know that would make my day!! Thanks!!

Hey Sandra (hey dave!). I hope the hour of my remark doesn’t invalidate it, but that my sleep-schedule is off and I’m watching They Live possibly should. While listening to your most recent posdcast, I found a strong desire to fix a motherly review sandwich; you don’t have to eat all of it, but that it’s been made is enough:
-I listen because I like you guys and the cozy nature in which you discuss an overwhelming and unstable gas of life. I definitely know where Dave comes from, and I can’t help but feel that if I were a low-key vixen my life would be Sandra’s. Alas I’m middled…aye, there’s the rub.
-And here’s the beef: You two are too polite to your guests. I get that the people you have on your show are friends, peers, or idols, but as burgeoning sex educators your allegiance lies with the assumedly under-educated masses whom rely upon your sexpertise. My specific deli beef was sliced in the most recent episode when you guys failed to call-out Reid Mihalko on the awkward flirtation techniques and ultimately pyramidal promotion he was preaching. S, if I could I woulda whisked you away with a phonecall and familial excuse: “Aunt Edna’s Angina.”
-Regardless of meat, you guys are the warm and hearty buns that make my subconscious slaver. Thanks for the comfort.
*Pickle Script* Sandra, this is my first time placing a face to the voice…but I rarely forget eyes…are you by any chance a friend of Missy??

i love your podcast. i find it very informative and i try like everything i can. i find you extremely funny. i would like to ask you a question. how do you tell if your bi- sexual? i have been haveing trouble you see cause of past abuse and it is difficult for me to trust women at all really. oh and snatch attack!!!!! message me back please.

In two of the last three podcasts, I’ve been sensing a bit of misunderstanding of “Middle America.” Please keep in mind that a lot of your listeners are in between coasts. Being in Minneapolis (home of Smitten Kitten) and proud of it, I’m a bit offput by your assumption that we’re not interested in sex. I’ll continue to listen but please keep in mind that there are very enlightened, sex positive people in between the oceans, too.

Hi Sandra! I was listening to the podcast episode about somatic sexology…where can I learn more and maybe find someone doing that kind of work in my area? Like you, I’m highly curious about sex and my body and all the goodness I can get from my parts.

I’ve been in a long-term relationship for over six years, lived together for two and a half. We’ve had our ups and downs emotionally, but I feel like we’re in a good place there. The problem is our sex life. She is rarely interested in sex, maybe two or three times a month, and I am looking for much more than that. I thought maybe the problem was my weight gain, but even after I lost about 50 pounds last year, there hasn’t been much improvement in frequency of sex. Now, it’s gotten to the point where even when she does want to have sex, she only wants to have oral or manual sex. She says that I’m too girthy and I make her sore, but when we were having sex regularly early in our relationship, that was never a problem. I don’t really know what to do, and it’s getting to the point of wanting to go outside the relationship to get my needs met. Any advice?

Sandra I really enjoy your show, my name is Clayton and I’m 21 years old, I live in Montana. just for shits and giggles i just wondering what are yours and Dave’s cheesy pick up lines and what pick up lines did in fact actually work. And Sandra I like your enthusiasm and your awesome nerd like ability’s that your not afraid to show. So i would like to thank you for the educational show that you and Dave do on not just safe sex but also fun and exciting sex. And yes lady’s there is a young lad that listens to this show.

Okay, what in the name of all that is woo woo is this glans massage nonsense!? Have you seen this!? Is this a real thing!? I couldn’t do it. I would have to be strapped down in the electric chair or something.

SNS,
Found your podcast a few weeks back and am really enjoying it. I am devouring current and past podcast(s) daily and really enjoying them. Your enthusiasm and attitude about all things sexual is refreshing and fun. I very soon hope to dip my toe in the podcast arena as a hobby of course but I hope it is as much fun as it seems you have. Keep up the good work and I look forward to enjoying you aurally as often as possible.

SANDRAAAA!!!!!! we need help just stepped onto the swingin scene an want to do our first meet . . . NERVOUS!!! understatement AWKWARD always but this feel extra so!!!! I didn’t now an email address to send a proper discription too or a podcast that related please help love you . . . And dave especially his sexy voice xxxxxxxxxx

A RESPONSE TO DAVE’S RAPE STORY:
It’s happened to me too! I’m a college student and lets just say alcohol can do terrifying things to the mind of the human female. She literally blocked the door and wouldn’t let me go until I had sex with her – even though we had no protection and her roommate was there! I eventually escaped but not after taking a significant verbal beatdown. Female rape is real and it’s a serious threat!

I just started listening to your “most excellent” pod cast. I have to tell you that it’s so refreshing to hear a sex educator sound enthusiastic and more importantly sound genuine and real. I love that you are totally willing to say “I didn’t know that?” when provided info from a guest or any new info you have rec

Hello Sandra and Dave! I adore you guys, just, your attitudes and your humor, mirth, and joy you both bring. When will your next live podcast be, after your podcast in New York? I wasn’t able to make the February 1st show but it sounded like you guys had a blast! Thank you for all you guys do!
Hugs and gratitude,
Caitlin

I have just found the podcast and am enjoying it. As an amputee I’d love to hear a podcast from you on sex and disability. I’ve never been with a disabled partner (I’ve met very few other disabled people) and have found most women will say “no problem” when I tell them. After all how uncouth is it to have a problem with it? But when the pants and leg come off, sometimes I can see the turn off. Then they feel horrible about it! I try to tell them it’s okay to be freaked out, after all it IS freaky!

I’ve had one “one-nighter” with a woman I met skiing who told me she had always wanted to try an amputee. I’m below knee and SHE freaked me out when she wanted me to insert my stump. It worked but would have made a really wild picture. A guy with his leg in a woman to the knee!

Im in the bookstore trying to remember the name of that cunnilingus reference book your always talking about. I tjought it was cunnilingus for her but i just googled it and got nothing. Whats the name of the nook and the author

Sandra:
I heard your episode that you recorded at Vasser and I really have to call bullshit on something that came up. I simply do not believe in “cum clogs”. I’m a middle aged guy and have dumped more than my fair share of ejaculate down the drain and I have never seen a drain clog because of too much ejaculate. It’s water soluable and once the proteins denature it just rinses away. There is a very brief period where it gels a bit but that doesn’t last more than a minute or two and running water would wash that away faster than you could record it.

I think Dave has some weird issues around cum, remember the way he got so OCD about the possibility of some getting in his car when he talked about driving masturbation? Why don’t you ask around some of the folks in the porn industry if they have ever seen anything, ask some physiologists.

I just picked up your podcast this past month and have been eating it up. I really enjoy the casual approach you have taken in the show. It has been humorous and relatable. Now that Dave has left I hope the show will continue with the direction it has taken. He added a voice for the less initiated and made the show more inclusive. Best of luck.

I’m so sad to see Dave go. Honestly I don’t think I can watch it without him and his wit. Me and my friends really liked the diversity of opinion he subtly provided and his stories. Even though Sandra your awesome, you can seem very one sided sometimes so it’s hard for me to listen without Dave, but keep up the good work. It’s quality info your providing

Love your show,
Can we have an episode about how to talk with partners about sex when they are shy/new to most of these experiences? Bringing up topics when they have a reserved nature without creating a sense of expectation or inadequacy.
Thanks for all you do.

In your most recent podcast (Happy Steak and BJ Day!), you began by mentioning nasty criticisms you received. I don’t think you need to worry about that (although I hope you got the hug you needed). This most recent podcast was the most compelling of yours that I’ve ever heard. The talk was open, honest and warm — and, oh yeah, sufficiently humorous.

Just heard the podcast with Maria Falzone. I learned so many new ideas to teach my son about his body and sex/healthy touch. She needs to write a book on the topic!! I’ll be the first one to buy it. Go Team Fun!

Oh my!!!! I love your podcast! I listen to it everyday at work and one time didn’t have my headphones plugged in all the way and when I hit play all customers/coworkers/venders could hear was “CLIT” extremely loud. Needless to say, lots of blushing, but I still continue to listen but make sure my headphones are plugged in all the way. ;D Thank you so much for dedicating your personal time and hard work into this podcast and making this information easily accessible and damn well entertaining to listen to!

First off, let me start by saying I normally love your podcast and it helps me get through what would otherwise be mind numbing days at work here as an American in Malabo, Equatorial Guinea.

That being said, I felt as though I needed to write you after listening to the Steak and BJ episode. I found the episode entertaining and very interesting, right up until almost the very end. This was when one of your female guests decided to speak for the minds of all men. Besides being a bit offended by her apparent assumption that all men think alike, it made the lack of a male voice on the show suddenly very obvious.

This being the first episode I’ve heard without your former co-host, made this lack of perspective from a broader point of view even more obvious. Not having anyone there to say, “hey, not all guys necessarily react that way and, by the way, here’s the perspective from at least one individual on the receiving end”.

It also occurred to me that one of the things I really liked about Dave is that he sort of represented the “average person” on your podcast. As a straight, monogamous male, he gave me someone who I felt I could relate too and often brought up questions and comments that I found myself having.

Like I said at the top, I really do love your podcast and appreciate what you do. I find it incredibly entertainment, informative, and interesting. I just felt like I needed to share my opinion on this one episode.

Thank you for all the great podcasts and I hope the show continues to be awesome!

Was listening to the bj and steak podcast. Part of that sounded so one sided, if I got a guy off and he just stopped, that would be the last time I ever saw him. Women really put up with that ? Thats soooo mean. Positive sex means I get to have fun too. You need to encourage women to stick up for themselves or you are just part of the sex negativity we all dislike. I have known only a couple men that didnt care if I got off, i think most do. But the ones that dont need to be educated on how hurtful and mean that is. Sorry really like the podcasts generally but this hit a nerve , evidently.to hear women act like oh its ok if I dont have any fun. Smack them!!! :). They are ruining it for all of us.

I don’t think the point is about being “rude” or “hurtful”. I assume that the ladies were simply being honest about their experiences. If you and your friends are enlightened, that’s great. Might it be possible to just assume that the comments in question were not about anyone like you?

A conversation where the participants aren’t straining to be 100% inoffensive makes great listening.

I’m a new, male, listener (started listening 6 weeks ago). I’ve listened to all the podcasts in this short time (I have a 3 hour daily commute) and it was interesting to see how the shows evolved.
I felt Dave not only brought some humor, but also a balance between entertainment and being lectured to.
I keep expecting to hear hime chime in.
I wanted to thank you for all the great shows and wish you luck in the future. I found the last two shows, too dry. Each to there own.
Can anyone here recommend a similar podcast, similar to the ‘Dave era’ ones?

I’ve only been listening to your podcast for a couple of months now – and I know this is already outdated – but I wanted to commend you for your majorly heavy episode “Sexual Healing” with Kate Loree.

I had parents who weren’t typical, my mom was kinda tough and my dad was a little more conscious of his emotions, so I was never raised to believe that women were inferior nor should sexual assault and rape ever be condoned. Victimizing – and victim blaming – is sickening and it’s dizzying to think that in some corners of our world it is seen as a right to passage. It also disturbs me, some how, that I had never even heard of Steubenville until those to boys were convicted of raping that girl. What a way to get on the map. Anyway…

I have an immense interest in psychology, with a focus on trauma and recovery, healing, et al, and I found it very uplifting how you and Ms. Loree hit the heavy stuff like champs and then… well it’s like you guys sort of put the pajamas on this issue and nestled in with it. I am not a victim of sexual abuse or rape but I imagine that if a survivor were listening – and I am sure there were some, it would feel like talking to two of his/her best friends and receiving the best kind of support after a terrible ordeal.

I dream of a world where a victim can feel safe in being able to heal and it is, instead, the victimizer who looks at himself (sure there are women in this group, but for the sake of syntax…) in the mirror and has to accept that there is something wrong with him. Maybe then we can turn the healing on some of these people then and really put this issue to bed. Yay optimism(?).

There can never be healing without discourse. You can’t recover unless you sit down and say “This happened…” and you, Sandra, have added your voice – and your ears – to that kind of discourse. You do good work. You should be very proud.

Your friend,

Jim

P.S. Could there be discussion of maybe coming back to this topic once a year? A “Sexual Healing” month on the SNS podcast? I know it sounds like a bit of a bring down but I suppose we can’t just make it a thing for a little while and then make like it don’t exist.

Hey Sandra, love your podcast!! BTW, on your Steak and a BJ Podcast, you mentioned the cool relation between Valentine’s Day (girls give to guys) and White Day (Guys give to girls)… Working with a Japanese company for the past 10 years and spending between 2-3 months a year in Japan, it’s actually MORE pressure than the conventional Valentine’s Day from the west… In Japan, girls give to more than one guy (chocolates) and proper etiquette means guys should give back to all those girls that they received from, but gifts are usually not chocolate, but usually much more expensive. So sometimes you’ll see women “throwing out bait” and seeing how much they get back a month later… Pretty good business for the ladies if you ask me!!

Hi sandra, I saw you on tyt recently and I wanted to ask you for help. When I was 16 I started taking an anti depressant, after a year I stopped taking them but from then till the present (im 20 now) masturbation hasn’t felt the same, its like I can still feel pleasure and orgasm but its much less pleasurable. I don’t know what to do about it, I thought maybe I was over stimulating so I stopped for about 2 months but it was still the same when I tried again. Even when I especially “in the mood” it has never been the same. Are their any remedies for this, I’d love have things the way they used to be xD.

Well I do feel that the medicine could have caused the issue, but it’s been like 3 years since I took it and nothing has changed. Shouldn’t the medicines effect gone away by now? I mean I know feelings change over time so maybe since i’m used to the sensation it just doesn’t feel as good as the first few months of doing it?

Hello Sandra, I really enjoy your podcast and i have a question hopefully you will answer. My wife and I were….. being sex positive and after one of her O’s she started crying, I guess. She said I didn’t hurt her, that I didn’t do anything wrong and that she didn’t know why she was upset. Is this normal, crazy, or what? Thanks in advance. Love the podcast.

I have had many orgasms where I found myself suddenly crying; for me it is a major release of stress, especially following an extremely powerful climax. Tears are one way for the body to release the hormones our bodies produce when we are under stress, and so are orgasms. So if she didn’t have a specific reason to be in tears, her body was most likely trying to get rid of some pent up stress not even related to the sex.

Didn’t you mention sometime back that you are a furry fan? If so, you might enjoy the Furry Kama Sutra, a website with a few photos of furries in simulated (I think…it’s kind of hard to tell) sexual positions. They’re at the website attached below. Apparently the same photographer was working on a book about people in the lifestyle as well.

Hey, Sandra! I was playing catch-up with your podcast today over laundry and just needed to tell you that the Silence reference in “Kiss and Make Out” — yeah — golden. Also, I’m just raving over the Jessica Drake and virgin eps. All of the love from a fellow nerd (sex and otherwise).

Hello fellow sex nerd! My boyfriend and I recently just started to listen to your podcast. He stumbled across your show on long distance relationships a few weeks ago and we’ve been marathon-style listening to the rest of the episodes ever since! I just want to thank you for providing a really nice way for both of us to learn about so many different aspects of sex and sexuality. We almost DIED of laughter yesterday when we discovered that this weeks edition was about prostate play. Just two days prior, we had a really open and fun discussion about how we wanted to explore this aspect of sex, and LO AND BEHOLD the very next day our favorite podcast-er fed our curiosity and gave us an EXCELLENT starting point as well as a feast of other resources. I just wanted to say thank you so much and keep up the good work!

Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!

You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

So I am WAY behind on your podcast (like a year behind) but I just started listening to the BJ Basics podcast and I gotta say… my husband thanks you!! I also got over a “fear” of mine last night.. and swallowed for the first time!! Not as bad as I thought it would be, for sure. My husband knows not to expect this every time, but it’s nice to have that fear out of the way :)

I heard the blurb at the beginning of your “In Hot Pursuit” podcast, and I think I can give a little background on the inflatable doll experience–perhaps a little too much, but it’s worth a shot.

I’ve enjoyed sex play with all sorts of inflatable toys since I was old enough to have sex at all. While I would definitely say I have at least a strong kink for them, I still enjoy sex with women (well, primarily one particular woman for the past 11 years), so I’m not sure if I meet the clinical definition of a fetish.

More on that in a bit, because while I definitely think it deserves more explanation, your specific question was on the love dolls on Adam & Eve.

I’ve played with three of the dolls Adam & Eve currently offers, and a different version of a fourth. Each is fun to some extent. So, in no particular order:

Yumi Asian Anime Doll – This doll inflates in a sort of legs-spread position. Missionary is possible if you don’t inflate the doll all the way (which is a good piece of advice in general for any man-on-top position with entry-level dolls; they’re not very sturdy). A guy will have to adjust both his and the doll’s position a few times to get into a groove. Doggy-style is possible also, again with partial inflation. It’s also very helpful if the guy has a longer penis or long legs. However, cowgirl and reverse cowgirl are lots of fun with this doll, even fully inflated!

Anime Love Doll Kishimoto – This isn’t actually a life-size doll, but rather a masturbation sleeve with a largish inflatable cover (not even really enough to hug). Not my first choice, now that I’ve had it out of the box. You can also get it cheaper elsewhere, which is semi-rare for Adam & Eve’s limited love doll selection.

Fatty Patty Love Doll (Billed on Adam & Eve as BBW Love Doll) – This love doll has a somewhat cartoonish face, but not as stylized as the face on the Yumi doll. This doll inflates into the standing position typical of dolls you’d see as bachelor party gags, particularly in TV and film, but is designed to look like, well, a Big Beautiful Woman. As with most “life size” love dolls, Fatty Patty “stands” about five feet tall, give or take (I put “stands” in quotes because for the most part, they not only don’t stand up on their own very well, but aren’t really at their best in the standing position). As a BBW, though, Fatty Patty is extremely cuddly, which can be a nice added feature that isn’t really talked about. This doll has very large breasts, though they are also shaped to look as though they are sagging a bit. You know, for “realism.” Even so, this is a very huggable doll, and that can be a turn-on, or just a nice creature comfort. Regardless of how much the doll is inflated, the best positions are basically what Jessica Drake calls “special mish” (where the guy’s legs are on the outside) and “special doggy” (ditto, but from behind). However, since Fatty Patty’s legs are molded straight, even “special doggy” is a little different. In any case, Fatty Patty is quite fun, and (as with most dolls) would be even more so with stronger seams. Durability is inversely proportional to inflation pressure and how often the guy is on top.

Sasha Grey Love Doll – This is a special case. I haven’t actually bought this doll, but I’ve seen it blown up, and the body is identical to a dozen or so other love dolls. Sasha Grey’s face is printed on the head, just as other women’s faces are printed on the other dolls. The body is made by a company called Nanma in the People’s Republic of China (a go-to country for this sort of sex toy), and inflates to about five feet tall. Unlike the Fatty Patty doll, the Sasha Grey figure is rather svelte, much like the real woman; unlike Sasha herself, the doll has (in my estimate) DD-cup breasts. (I’m a breast man as well, so I don’t particularly mind.) Sex positions (or would this count as masturbation? I’ve been fooling around with dolls for 25 years, and I’m still not sure) are pretty much the same as with Fatty Patty.

Oral sex with all of the dolls except the Kishimoto (which only has the one opening anyway) is…well, it’s there. The guy has to do most of the work, so it’s not going to be anything like the real deal unless he has a partner to help. Anal is almost the same as vaginal–so again, nothing like real life (based on what I know; I’ve never given or received anal sex, but I do know that it’s absolutely nothing like vaginal sex), but with different curves and bulges pressed against you.

The big thing to keep in mind with inflatable dolls is that playing with one is pretty much totally unrealistic (which is also why I laughed a bit when Eli Olsberg mentioned in the “In Hot Pursuit” show that he didn’t mind Barbie-doll type women in his porn, because they reminded him it’s a fantasy; I feel something of the same feeling about dolls!), so expecting one to be the same a real, live partner is really not productive. However, with this in mind, doll sex (or, again, masturbation) can still be fun as long as fun is the goal.

I recommend that a guy interested in any inflatable doll use a condom each time to make cleanup easier. Otherwise, washing out the doll gets cumbersome, and usually involves a handheld shower head or even a douche. Even so, a proper naughty monkey (I love that term!) should be prepared to clean his or her toys off every time, regardless of what goes into whom. Also, be prepared to use lots of lube. I consider myself to have an average sized penis, and inflatable dolls’ openings are a little snug even for me.

Now, back to the whole inflatable kink/fetish thing: I may be a little different from your average inflatable doll guy. Certainly I don’t fit the shallow Hollywood stereotype of the guy who buys a doll because he “can’t get a woman.” For one thing, I’ve been into inflatables of all kinds, not just dolls, as far back as I can remember. For another, I have pretty good verbal skills, and while I wouldn’t say I dated heavily before I married, I had some good relationships and some good friendships.

Inflatables are fun for a wide variety of reasons, not the least of which is that they’re just cute. They come in all sorts of shapes and bright colors–or even black if you’re trying to set that mood (there’s even an inflatable bondage chair–Google that when you have the time!). As I mentioned before with Fatty Patty, they can be cuddly, and lots of people like to cuddle. Depending on your shape preference, they can be fun for frottage. (For this, men tend to like just about anything, while the few women I’ve met who enjoy inflatables tend to prefer cylindrical shapes and other items they can straddle.) They’re good for bondage play (even if you don’t buy the bondage chair) and even trust play (there’s a whole subset of the kink or fetish dedicated to people who like to either puncture or explode toys, or have it done in front of them).

A love doll or other inflatable can also be a great third (or fourth, or fifth) partner for voyeur/exhibition play as well, and when one partner isn’t in the mood, a good backup plan, as long as the partner knows he or she is still number one in the bedroom.

The bottom line, for me at least, is that inflatables are an awesome supplement to my sex life, though I’m also fortunate enough to have a partner with whom I am able to be completely honest, who is happy to share my kinks when she’s in the mood, and who is sweet enough to indulge me or let me sneak off into the other room on occasion.

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This stuff has been around since the 1940’s but no one knows exactly where it came from. It needs energy to survive on a daily basis that are loaded with sugar and fat cravings! For example, methanal, ethanal and propanone – the common small aldehydes and raspberry ketones are related to the accumulation of fat in the bowels instead. Not taking enough water Water is an excellent choice for raspberry ketones. Vinegar contains acetic acid, ethyl acetate, vinyl acetate, polymers and drugs.

I discovered you after listening to your special voice and thoughts on Life on the Swingset. I had to hear more!!! Then I started downloading your podcasts. You have the greatest voice ever and you put together very thoughtful shows. Some are jammed packed with info which are great.(I’m thinking oral shows) That is what I love. In particular I want to commend you for the sensitive way you handled Dave leaving. I thought it was so real and very feeling. You were the best on that episode. The real, feeling, caring Sandra who was looking out for your listeners came through. Always believe that the listeners out here love the job your doing. I am a 57 yr old male who is learning things all the time from people like you, who really care. (I’m taking about you!!) Keep it up!!!

You guys were talking about lube on the latest podcast, and Aloe came up…. I need to share the idea of using fresh, natural aloe juice. You can get aloe leaves at many mexican markets, and some farmers markets… slice one of those open, and squish the juice out of the inside of the leaf by scraping with a spoon… it is THE BEST, very healthy for the skin, and GREAT as a massage lube as well. ENJOY!

Thank you SO much for everything you have done for soooo many people! You are precious, fun and so adorable! There’s just so much I would like to thank you for that it would take forever to list it all. However, most recently, I could just hug and harmlessly kiss you profusely in a friendly way for your “Sex For A Lifetime” episode dealing with sex over 50. Thank you! Thank you! You are an angel.

I’m a huge fan of your podcast. I’m not sure if you know this, but there is a show on History channel #2 on sex and history. The show, “How sex changed the world,” is very interesting. I’m a big history buff and I like seeing how sex influences decisions around the world and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Sandra, you are my “Hero of the Week!” I just finished listening to your podcast with Joan Price, and it was changed my outlook on so many things – thank you, thank you, thank you! I don’t want to be melodramatic, but I really did laugh, tear-up, and smiled a lot. I’m 61 years old, have been married 35 years, and unfortunately I am going through a divorce. A couple of months ago I decided when I made it through the divorce that I wanted to date again and hopefully have sex at some point. Next I realized that I was scared shitless of dating and having sex again! So I nerded-up and started studying-up and have really appreciated your podcasts! For me your podcasts have run the gambit from “uuuugh that is disgusting,” to “OMG I’ve got to read more about that.” I still have a ways to go, but I think I’ve gotten the message – sex really can be fun, talk to your partner, and be safe. Thank you again, all of your podcasts are great but I really appreciated this one.

Sandra! Thank you for your wonderful podcast and the open and honest way you talk about sexy topics. I have listened to quite a few episodes and have enjoyed all the varied subjects and guests you’ve had.

I would like to request a topic to be covered if you get a chance. I am a bi male in an open relationship and there just isn’t that much discussion about male bisexuality. I feel like I’m such a minority in the sexual world and I would love to hear from your or one of your experts about this topic. Thank you and keep up the fun! Happy 100th episode soon!

any shops you would recommend in new york? im thinking of getting a dildo for my friend for her birthday (im 16 and she’ll be turning 16) she’s a good jewish girl and her family is kinda conservative (prays before going to sleep and goes to pray on saturday) but she’s pretty liberal and sorta moving away from the religious stuff but i don’t think this is something she would go out to get on her own probably for the next couple of years so i just think it will be nice for her to have it and also if i give it to her on her birthday as sorta of a joke she’ll feel more comfortable having it and if she actually wants to use it she’ll have it. ive only been in a sex shop once to get another friend a sexy maid outfit that she wanted to surprise her boyfriend with for their first time (yah im sorta the one my friends go for this type of things) so if you also have any tips for what i should get/look for that be great! (also it has to be super quite and discreet because of the jewish family thing) also if it could look super user friendly and none scary so she won’t run screaming from it that be great. also i love this podcast

Just listen to your Clown sex episode, and I don’t think that it is in the same grouping as bdsm. It has the possibility of being included activity as bdsm, but I don’t think it’s apart of it. I think if people want to dress up as clowns and be silly with there sex they don’t have to be into bdsm and dom & sub play.

So I’m totally behind in catching up with your podcasts as I took a break during a tough breakup in november and I finally am listening to your steak and a blowjob day episode and you and the girls are talking about embouchures. I’m a music teacher somewhere in the midwest, wink wink, and I can tell you that an embouchure isn’t a specific muscle in your face it’s how you build up the muscles in your face to play ‘wind’ instruments. It’s similar to the concept that if you just say “I” you use a total of somewhere around 70 muscles in your body to produce the sound. I am a woodwind teacher and I have built up my embouchure strength over the years. If you want to try and work on your ‘embouchure’ one way of thinking is that you purse your lips and imagine saying ‘ew’. That will help one way, another is to press your lips together and buzzing the middle parts of your lips higher and lower by pulling back the corners of your mouth, kind of like musical raspberries! Either way, anything that you do that may help your staying power for the muscles of your face is probably going to help in the long run.

LOVE your podcast and I can’t wait till I have the chance to use the tips I learn about in them!! Keep it up!

I really really love your podcast. Your curiosity is wonderful, the way that you approach the topics are amazing, especially the way you engage your guests. You are always telling your guests, “no I’m just trying to fully process this!”– it’s just a breath of fresh air.

That said, here’s my issue:
Technical side if things– volume level. I have no idea what you’re doing with the mic(s?) slash post-production, but on multiple occasions I have had to (with much sadness) stop listening to the podcast for the sake of my ears. You are very dynamic with your voice, so I would really appreciate if you’d figure something out about the sudden LOUDNESS after your voice goes really quiet (like you do). The pinnacle of this type of podcast experience was during your “Girl-on-girl on girl-on-girl” episode. I was constantly adjusting the volume trying to hear every word you two were saying (because I really love what you have to say) only to have my ears almost explode all of a sudden with your next sentence :( I really don’t want to miss out on future podcasts because of a fear of hurting my ears again.. it really sucks.

Sorry for the long comment, hope your 100th episode show goes wonderfully! Wish I lived in the area.

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How about an episode about how hot guys over 50 can be, and how women between 18 and 30 shouldn’t just exclude them on the basis of age? At 51, I am sexually the best I have ever been, and I can take a woman places that a younger guy simply cannot. But the age thing is such a show-stopper for so many women – it’s really depressing! Older guys are worth the time! Give us some play – you’ll be glad you did.

Not so much the women between 30 and 40, but definitely the single women over 40, in my limited experience, can be a fairly bitter bunch – angry in general, with hair-triggers in relationships. I am extremely easygoing, self-reliant, decent looks, excellent hygiene, aware of my issues and working on them, and (I think) possessing a fair amount of insight. Nothing really bothers me. I have yet to find a woman close to my age who can say that, and it puzzles me. Is it possibly just a biological difference? The women I’ve encountered just get amped up over the slightest bump in the road, and they can’t let anything go, no matter how slight, and at my age, I’d rather be alone than unhappy with someone who finds me annoying – even just a little. Younger women just have a fresher perspective – maybe it’s hope I’m seeing? I keep hearing about women who like older guys, but I can’t find them. Is that dynamic all about wealth and power? If so, that would explain my dry spell – while I’m comfortable, I’m not able to be anyone’s Sugar Daddy. Anyway, I enjoy your podcast and would enjoy your thoughts on these issues! Peace, JK

Well, well, well….do you suppose maybe it might have been possible for you to show a little class and to make your point without attacking and being generally hateful? Maybe before you go calling someone else “bush league”, you might want to look in a mirror.

Recently discovered your Podcast and love it! There is however a request….. Dirty talk. I haven’t heard you talk on the subject and would love to hear your take. Many aspects of it in letters, text messages, on the phone, and in general wherever it can fit in. The mental and physical benefits in a relationship. The do’s and don’ts. Getting past being shy. So many aspects all wrapped up in dirty talk. (Disregard if this has been covered. I’m still catching up on episodes).

I listened to the Virgin podcast right after I had penetrative sex for the first time and it helped me so much. Thanks. Could you send me the link to the blog of the virgin movie project? Love you Sandra!!!

As a listener I must give you Kudos for letting the weird dude that tried to hump you Forever, during your podcasts, so much so that although all your fans knew he was creeping on you, we loved that you had no nerdy clue. It tis cute but OMG can you escape that dave rust character that no one that listens to your podcasts ever heard of until his temples attempted to land in your cervix, um Hello

(Letting him on your show) i meant but seriously are you that naive, you are professional and this not funny dave rust podofile makes your fans invent odd words for him, and you arent even sexy so you should protect yourself more. Never mind I realize you see dave as a morbid pet

Loved your pregnancy episode!! As a father of 2 with another on the way I can honestly say I find my wife very sexy when she’s pregnant. It was also great to hear honest conversation about sex and pregnancy which is something you don’t hear much about. Keep up the good work!

Sandra!
I love you podcast. I started listening a year ago working as a field assistant in Mexico. I have learned so much in regards to being more knowledgeable about sex but safe sex =) keep up the great shows, I love them all!

Sandra, I want to ask like… I’m 18 and I’ve never done anything with anyone and I haven’t really dated much and I like anal stimulation (im a guy ofc) but idk like who im attracted to the most. Guys or girls. But I want to know how I can just… A way to find out. And what is a good dildo for male stimulation as well?? Lol ive looked into buying a pure wand but are there any others I should look into?

Hearing so much of your podcast these last few weeks — I’ve had circumstances that led to some, uh, enforced stillness, and somehow started up on your earliest shows — I’ve had so many moments of reacting, sometimes out loud, to the conversation. I’ve laughed at truly inappropriate times, and been unfairly impatient with some of the persona-building exercise that goes with the territory, and clicked over to YouTube to see you wriggling your ankles in their boots as a guest on someone else’s talker. And so on, and so on.

Mostly, though, I’ve been so damned relieved to find this thing, this voice of yours, and to have your company over what was a pretty bleak moment in some other ways. I love that someone is doing this, I feel so aired-out by the open talk about sex, and most of all I hold dear the feeling of company I get from your rambunctious self being the person doing all that for us.

You’re lucky. Thanks for sharing a little of that luck, which I can use sometimes.

hi Sandra, love your show and listened to every episode. I’m from Cape Town, South Africa and thought you need to know there is one more person here at the tip of another continent loving what you are up to.

I’m not sure how many listeners will be open to sharing this, but hey, i think sex is a healthy thing and so is curiosity. and so are boundaries.
I’m a Christian guy, in quite a proper sense so no surprises that i’m big into monogamy (a boundary i subscribe to because of what i believe, everything else, including what goes on in the bedroom is all up for discussion and consensual playtimes!), but the surprise i think to most is this: life 9 years into a marriage plus two kids i have to dispel some myths about sex in marriage and let people know sex has never been better for us than now and its picking up momentum thanks to shows like yours ;)

only one criticism, and that a small one – I the radio tuning sound at the start of the podcast jingle… in my bud-style headphones that sounds a lot louder than say talking or music (probably because of the frequency) but the worst is that is sounds like a dentist’s drill. in my earspace its quite intense and invokes all of what transpires at the dentist especially because its literally in my ears. just thought id share that incase there are others that feel the same way about dentisty type of sounds.

Today the number one sales of sex toys is the dildoes, but number two is male chastity devices. Most are made for penises smaller than average. My wife requires that I always wear one and have been mostly locked in one the past five years. Her previous live in boyfriend and husband before him both left her for the other women they were having affairs with, so I can’t blame her for being a little protective.
My question is: Will one day most women require this of any prospective suitor or mate?.

Sandra, your podcast on “swinging” broke my heart Well, it reminded me of my broken heart at least. Years ago I went to one of the Colette clubs (as mentioned during your show with Holli & Michael.) It was with my girlfriend at the time and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But we broke up not long afterward and I haven’t been able to find a partner since. I so wanted to share more experiences like that one (and others we had) but my life has just crumbled in many ways. There’s a good chance that I’ll never again be emotionally healthy enough for a simple relationship much less one that includes explorations of that kind.

I so miss love and intimacy but know that it’s not fair to saddle anyone else with my baggage. And I’m not confident or trusting enough to attend a lifestyle club on my own, hire a prostitute or even try a friend with benefits situation. I struggle to maintain ordinary friendships already. It feels like I don’t have any options. Have you considered doing a podcast to discuss what people with similar issues to mine can do to find any sort of sexual contentment?

Love your show and your guests were right – everyone at the club we went to was respectful of our preference to be intimate only with each other and only where no one else could see.

On the Fantasy Fail episode, you raised the question of editing out non-PC comments about body type. I think the honesty and authenticity are important elements of the podcast and you should minimize editing for PCness after the fact.

I loved your girl on girl show. I learned a lot. Now I want to know more about boy on boy. I have a few gay friends but none are close enough that I can ask them really personal questions. I’m very curious about their feelings/attitudes about women. Are they attracted to them in a non-sexual way? How do they feel about any pre-coming out sexual experiences with women? Also, how do all the gay men who are just beautiful (which is unfortunately more than straight men) feel when women hit on them? Are they flattered?

i have no idea if you are open to suggestion at all but I would love to see you do a show with bbw pornstar april flores, maybe on a topic like sex and art. she does alot of art nudes and artful adult films that are somewhat genre-bending, she seems to be an excellent candidate for a guest. she has a website at fattyd.com keep up the good work :)

I have been listening to your podcast for about a year now and while I didn’t always agree with what you were saying, I kept listening because you were just giving your opinion. Then you started giving your opinion as fact and I started getting a little worried. And then you put out your “Sex and Jesus” episode. Now, I don’t particularly care what other people believe religiously but when you are looking at religion historically you have to be academically honest and your guest, Beverly Dale (won’t call her Reverend or Doctor because both titles imply academic and intellectual accuracy), was anything but honest in her treatment of the New Testament language and actual history. There is not enough room to go into everything because frankly she got a lot wrong and I am not talking opinion here, I am talking demonstrably wrong, academically and intellectually wrong (mistranslated, lack of cultural understanding, inaccurate history). If you want to contact me and go through what she got wrong academically, I took notes and would love to share FACTS with you rather than mistranslated passages and opinions. I guess the reason I took the time to write this out is to say that you are losing a listener and someone who promoted your podcast as a sex-positive podcast because as much as I dislike those that are uninformed I like those the give bad information even less. I hope you take this not only as a critique but use it in looking at future topics and how you promote fact vs opinion.

Matt,
I think you may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater, here. While the Reverend Doctor Dale may, or may not, have been, ” anything but honest in her treatment of the New Testament language and actual history”. Haven’t Christians, and their various sects, been doing this same thing from the start. Heck, the gospels are four (very) different accounts of Jesus’ life and resurrection, each with their own agenda. And that’s just the orthodox versions they decided to keep in.
Though, I grant you, two wrongs don’t make a right. All thinking people must do a certain amount of mental gymnastics, to assuage their cognitive dissonance, if they are to remain religious in today’s age. I believe The Reverend Doctor to be providing a good here by offering those who wish to maintain their beliefs, but still have a healthy, open, honest sexual existence, a way of doing so. Isn’t there enough guilt and shame in the world about this subject? Isn’t she just trying to reduce it?
More to the point of babies and bathwater, are you willing to discard a year’s worth of good podcasts, so good that you, ” promoted your podcast as a sex-positive podcast”, because you disagree with a few of her guests? or felt that some information isn’t academically honest? You seem to imply that an episode you strongly dislike and disagree with outweighs a years worth of episodes you found educational and entertaining. Wouldn’t it be more productive to keep listening, enjoy the parts you like, and point out the parts you disagree with, and why?

The in a row afterward word of advice very near in my opinion.
Thanks a lot extraordinarily very much upfront. Your own awareness about this subject is fantastic, I’m glad with the aim of here is got hold of.
Thank you another time!

One of many here that has recently discovered your podcast. Like others I went back to Ep #1, have been running through them & would like to suggest a topic …

Aging.

In men & women alike.

I’m a 52 year old male that went back to school awhile back for a better grounding in the humanities. Since then I’ve had a pretty good run with the coeds, & looking back to when I was in my own 20s & 30s there’s just no denying that I’m slowing down. I’m not the lean-mean-machine that I once was, & there are also more subtle changes that can be hard to explain to a younger woman. Along that line, I recently had an experience that was probably more about neediness than aging, but that’ll just help make my case for the suggested show topic.

A new g/f & I were doing the grown-up & had been all weekend. I was getting to where my prostate felt like a beech-ball, but this woman has skills & she was hell-bent on wringing one more climax out of me before she needed to leave. I had what feels like a back-flush & probably frowned & said “aw shit” or something, I’m not sure, but she was immediately all over me about what was wrong. I tried to tell her that it wasn’t her, that it was just me being a geezer, & then tried to explain what happened. I’m not a physiologist, I’m an engineer & the best I could do was to tell her that when that happens it feels like a leaky hydraulic piston. Instead of expelling semen it feels like it’s back-flushed. Any orgasm feels pretty good but I’ve been refining that experience for 40 years. The back-flush just isn’t optimal. I went on to try to explain that as a climax builds, what I feel is internal pressure & external tension. I try to roll that tension back into my guts behind the pressure & let it build to what CAN be an epic thing – provided the timing is right & the prostate is still at least slightly smaller than a volleyball.

She didn’t seem to be buying it, she was convinced that she’d let me down, & the animated-gif-hydraulic-schematic thingie I cranked out while she was in the shower didn’t help. I’m going by the eye-roll, & also her suggestion that I see a doctor of no specified discipline.

We need a podcast on this topic. Something for HER to do while I’M in the shower groaning & cupping my sad old saque (& working out necessary logistics for the rest of the weekend).

Ok, I just listened to Sex For a Lifetime & it was good, but follow-up may still be in order. Sex For a Lifetime seemed more about talking people into the idea of remaining vital & not fizzling for no good reason. I can get behind that, but I’m thinking that more about the physiology of aging would help people – physiology (presented as non-clinically as possible) & also various specific strategies for adapting to aging.

Example, I have a nice massage table. It’s a professional grade portable with a lot of features like light weight & adjustable height, yet it’s rock solid when it’s set up & in place. It’s my 3rd over the last 20 years or so, & I’ve noticed an interesting thing in that time. A lot of gals have been shy about getting up on that table, being the focus of attention & maybe feeling too exposed. Candle light, music & towels & the like to cover up with until she just doesn’t care about that can help, but many over the years still seemed a little weirded out by receiving without any expectation of reciprocation right then & there. They just aren’t comfortable with it, not at first anyway, & often seemed to want to rush that experience & get back into their comfort zone of giving.

These days, however, I have what seems like a reasonable excuse for what I’ve long-enjoyed anyway. I don’t have to confront the Hero or Zero issue in the sack, I can break out the table & carry on. In the rare instance that I get home & I’m just not up for anything at all, I can still put her on the table & give her the time & attention she deserves. The initial attitude from the not-yet-initiated seems to be one of indulging my adaptation to aging – & that soon shifts to “ohh … OHH! … ok, NOW I get it.”

… & then they start dragging the table out themselves, bringing their own candles & music, etc.

Had it not been for a pretty gifted massage therapist that picked me up in a bar back in the early 90s, I’m not sure I’d ever have gotten into massage myself. She was my introduction to erotic massage, & I was definitely impressed with a woman that kept a table in her car. The idea that anybody could own such a thing & carry it around had just never occurred to me – & at this point women seem more accepting of it than they have been for most of the last 20+ years. For the most part, instead of expecting me to snatch them out of the shower & go again they give alternative sensory exploration & play a chance.

Simply put – work with it & enjoy, but we can all use ideas & inspiration & information. Guys need to know more about a woman’s physical & emotional life cycle & vice versa (I’m assuming that gay folk enjoy an advantage in this area …). However knowledgable & skilled we are or aren’t, we can all know more about getting the most of all-too-short lives.

Question: I want to buy a masterbator for my boyfriend, to spice things up. But I’m not sure what I should get. Any suggestions? I know you’ve talked about toys that smell being toxic and in all the reviews of ones that are available users have said they had a strong rubber smell.whats your thoughts on that

My girlfriend and I love listening to the podcast, it gives us plenty of ideas. We were wondering if you’d do an episode on electro play. Tens units, p.e.s , violet wands, clamps, etc…
Many of the toys are expensive and kind of intimidating to gust jump in and try. Any help would be much appreciated.

I had a long ass post here and lost it! The short version: New listener, love the show, am listening to the backlog and just heard the philadephia live show in which interracial dating was raised. I had a lot of thoughts about this but since they disappeared, all I will say is that I think racial preferences in dating are inherently racist, subconscious though they may be. These preferences are often culturally determined (and though some may not like to admit it, US society is still racist, no matter who our president is–disclainer, I am writibg about US culture specifially and so my comments should be interpreted in the context of the US). I appreciated the discussion that happened on the show but I came away with the impressioon that the discussion concluded with “oh it’s not a big deal, interracial dating is great and on the rise etc.” Your guest–sorry cannot remenber name–made a comment about white guys going on a black dating site to date black women. To me, a white guy going on a black dating site is a sign of a racial fetish, which is just the other side of the coin of not dating people of a certain race. They’re both problematic.

I don’t know if I’m being clear but you seemed genuinely interested in understanding these dynamics so I just wanted to offer a different perspective that I don’t think was covered. Sex positivity and sex education is a great and liberating thing, but it does not operate within a vacuum and so is not immune to or separate from things like race. I.e., racial preferences can’t be dismissed as being simply a preference in the context of sex but not in the context of friendships, employmebnt, wider societal ranges. I’m not saying that people should be forced to be attracted to all races–but just recognize that your sexual preferences are often inforned by popular culture and that you can’t make a blanket statement about not being attracted to a certain race because for sure, every race has *someone* you will be attracted to. That person may be a supernodel or may live in another country, but they exist.

I’ll just finish with a link to this blog that explains it decently, http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/racial-preferences-are-racist/
And also if you are interested, I’d also like to direct you to David Mura’s article in the book “Some of my best friends: Writings on interracial preferences” which is a fantastic article about the racial dynamics between white people and people of color, as well as between people of color who are of different races, and how these dynamics might differ.

I was the guy who made the comment toward the end of the show trying to go back to the subject. I think there may be a sizable perception gap between someone like Sandra who grew up in a more ‘melting pot’ environment and is younger than someone like myself who is probably 15 years older and grew up in the deep south. I think this would be really interesting way to study racial prejudge because I think it is the last barrier that will really come down. Maybe there is a point where it skin color might be viewed as a purely aesthetic quality like hair color, but I don’t think most people are approaching that level. If someone said “I could never take a redhead/ginger girl home to meet my family” people would assess that statement completely differently than “I could never take an african/latino/asian/etc girl home to meet my family.”

Although I think this would be a really interesting discussion, I don’t think it (or any other deeper topic) works well for the live audience venue where keeping the pace upbeat and moving is a priority (and I apologize to Sandra for throwing that curve ball in that venue). I think it might be a good panel topic and I think the research aspect is the most interesting – using eye tracking or genital activity measuring verse subjects stated bias (or lack thereof).

Hey Sandra, Im out here in Austin Tx, I found your channel on Podkicker, just wanted to drop you a line and let you know I enjoy your show. You’re doing a great job and I appreciate your sex positive attitude. Cheers! Ps. You’re very cute :)

Hi Sandra!
Just discovered your podcast, thanks to another huge fan (my roommate)~ Love LOVE MMM! I’m a sexual health peer educator on a college campus, so your sex positive education is a great resource for me. I do have a request- you MAY have this up somewhere that I haven’t seen- but is it at all possible to get a list of your previous guests and their respective websites/podcast links? I usually want to follow up their work so it would be so great to have them all in one place. THANK YOU for your sexytalk! Rock on.

I have recently started listening to your podcast and I listened to taboo. I am really interested in the blog by Elaine Smith. I went to iheartmysharkfin.bligspot.com and it is not working did she change her blog?

Love your show, need a favor ??? Wife has lost libeto but wants it back, if I’m not mistaken you interviewed dr drews wife and had a lot to say , I just can’t find it is there a date or some way to find it ? Anything would be appreiceaded thank you so much for you’re concideration
Gary

Sandra… you rock! As is/was/will be many people, I was raised in an environment with tons of hush-hush, shame, guilt, sin, power/abuse, and more regarding sexuality. For years I’ve been slowing making my way from out of the jungle of baloney. At 43 you’d think I’d have it all figured out… but every day I realize I’ve a long way to go still. But instead of being downtrodden, I turn around and look at how long I’ve come.

I’ve listened to your podcast for a few months now, gone back and listened to back episodes, and I’ve recommended it to many people. Not just for the information about sex, but the way you approach communication and shame and sharing and respect and honest and more, is a good model for many to hear.

And as a side note, aside from all of the great information in your podcasts (Dave is great also, please let him know I appreciate his wonderful perspectives on a lot of issues and his own forthrightness as well), but I must say that I think you have the absolute BEST laugh around. I bet that you could record a handful of different laughs and put it in an app that will randomly send out a little laugh from your phone. Imagine standing in an elevator and a laugh comes from someone’s pocket. Instant happiness bomb!

Keep up the great work, keep doing your good things, because you are really needed in the world… you make a difference. Go team fun!

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Just stated listening to “Sexual Empowerment” episode with Amy Jo Goddard and I wanted to share one of my sexual practices for empowerment and self-love. Just for clarification, I’m a cisgendered gendernonconforming pansexual bear daddy (I’m 43). I often masturbate while looking at a slide show of erotic pictures on my computer. I have inserted erotic pictures of my self in the folder so they show up randomly while I’m engaged in self-pleasure. Sort of Pavlovian, now that I think of it (I think Pavlov, I always get Operant and Classical Conditioning mixed up!) Anyway, that’s easy enough for someone who is so inclined to masturbate in this way. I will add that using a tantric technique combining breathing with kegeling and relaxation to move the sensation (energy) from my prostate throughout my body enhances and “anchors” the experience.

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Me again, cisgendered gendernonconforming pansexual queer daddy bear. I came out as bisexual in 1990. I became active in local politics and education in the LGBTQ community through my campus organization the next year. I began to engage in energy and healing work, including tantric techniques, in 1996. I began to (Seriously) address my own trauma’s with psychotherapy in 2001. I returned to college in 2005 and obtained my MSSW with a concentration in Gender Studies in 2010. I have worked as an outpatient therapist since then. Since I started listening to your Podcast last month (2/14) I have experienced a revitalization in my relationship with my self but also, and especially!, my professional practice. After the Tantra episode with Barbara Carrellas I realized I had gone deeper with my tantric techniques than I had thought and began to connect breathing techniques with healing and empowerment. I began to introduce breathwork to my clients in the last few weeks and have seen clients of all ages make significant shifts in their sessions. And I find myself more focused, relaxed, and present with clients. I was especially inspired and revitalized when I listened to the Sexual Healing episode last night and again saw and felt a difference in all of my sessions. You truly are amazing! Thanks for bringing all of this wisdom and sex positivity to the world! Know that in addition to those you personally affect in your work, there are dozens and dozens, and probably hundreds and hundreds, more that have also been helped by you!
Please keep up the good work! I promise to do the same.

I just tried to contact you on Twitter via @MegaTozi as well…I’m trying to figure out if you have a business email that you don’t mind being contacted at by strangers lol. I’m asking because I admire your work and trust your knowledge, and I have some personal questions to ask you. Nothing creepy, I promise, it’s only related to general sexual health connected with chronic illnesses. I was hoping that maybe you had already touched on some of these topics on your podcast, and I just missed it! Any feedback I could get from you would be greatly appreciated!

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I found you by accident searching I heart radio. I’m barely into ur cast 3 minutes of “masidonia” and I’m hooked! You need me a straight male 28 who is open minded and curious about the human brain and always trying to figure out why people have certain fetishes…lol (run on sentences and spelling I have given up on) I’m just saying it be cool to be a part of this !! Also have background in audio engineering and not shutting up till I get my point across lol but in a good way!

Hey Sandra! In your most recent podcast, you guys are talking about a BDSM play space, but refer to it as a sex club; I think there’s a distinction between the two (to me, a sex club is a swinger’s club, or a space where people specifically go to have sex, not to engage in kinky play, which isn’t necessarily sexual). I used to work in a dungeon and wanted to bring this point up because I don’t want listeners to conflate kink and swinging, as people often do. Thanks!

Man, I am confused. And when I say Man, I am not confused that you are a woman, but I, a man, are immediately confused about other things.
I’m writing this because I google searched Sex Nerd Sandra. I was about ten or fifteen minutes into listening to your podcast episode with Sara Beningcasa and you said your last name, so I decided to look you up. I looked up Sara Beningcasa too. I mean, who am I listening to? I could’ve skipped back fifteen seconds but that would only rewind to re-hear your last name, and I opted to get a more thorough picture.
The first web link that came up looked straightforward: I think it was sexnerdsandra.com. But it went straight to a wordpress page, with wordpress font and layout and such, and my username and gravatar image precluding it at the top of the page.
Man I’m a Luddite.
I just started using wordpress and I know you can purchase your own URL for eighteen bucks for a year which removes the word wordpress from your Internet address. I’m sure you did, but why I ended up logged in just cuz I clicked on a link to a thingy that we have in common is beyond my newfound wp proficiency/lack thereof.
So, rather than exit and investigate, I thought I’d express my reaction.
But who does this go to? Will it appear in my drafts, or a post on your blog? I don’t get it, but I’m doing it anyway. I kinda hope you don’t have to read this, unless you know a thing or two about the wp and have advice how not to write things that go through my head and straight to you, quite possibly publicly and for all the world to assume that you were the one responsible for some random thoughts that aren’t yours.
Writing is writing, and that’s why I made my own blog. X fingers that you don’t get this or it makes you laugh.
I’m gonna go back to google and see if it can tell me your last name, and then I’ll probably check out some related things, and then shortly I’ll just be back listening to your podcast.
If you can see the icons I can see on your page, you should check out the few writings I’ve posted. Sports related thus far, but not aimed a followers of sports. Again, it’s just me trying to write on my own page. I think.

RE: Sex Work episode…Just heard the Sex Work episode (great BTW) and I thought the double standard between being an “admitted” sex worker and being someone who uses their bits and pieces to get what they want. Two women I work out with willing admit that they each occasionally date these guys in New York. They get flown from Chicago to New York first class, stay in a penthouse, go to dinner at fine restaurants, see plays at the Met in the good section (surrounded by stars), get clothes and jewelry once in a while during the trip, see Yankees games in the first few rows behind the dugout. No expense is spared and at the end of the weekend, they go back home and might not get called back into NY to see their guys for two or three months.

How that does not qualify as being a sex worker is beyond me, other than the fact that society has branded sex workers as something perjorative but once-in-a-while girlfriends is all good because…[shrugs]

Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after going through some of
the articles I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m
certainly delighted I discovered it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking
back frequently!

Sandra! Long time listener, first time writer…thanks for the awesome podcast, my life is richer because of it. I have appreciated the ongoing discussion about “sex addiction” and weather or not is it a real thing. I’m interested in reading up on the argument both for and against – any chance you could point me in a direction? Thanks very much.

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Girl I think you are awesome, thank you for what you do… I have been a long time listener but never commented before. Know there are many of us out there that just listen, learn, enjoy your laugh, lol… and never comment. You have helped me so much in your candidness and similar urge for discovery of wth… lol. Thank you! D.

Hi Sandra I love your show. I have a question I was reviewing a couple of your shows and going back to learn more now for my questions minus your resources could you send me a list of books videos any type of file about sex mastrubation women anything please I’m on my way to college and I want to explore myself I’m still a Virgin but don’t know my own body that well and I know the list of resourced is endless since sex is as old as time I’m still exploring the information but all I’ve done is read erotica watch a little porn or a tv show that gets me hot but I’ve never had a orgasm (that I was aware of) I’m trying to figure out everything please help me out I’ll keep listening

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to
be actually something that I think I would never understand.
It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I
am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the
hang of it!

I would like to thank you and for your podcast because I asked out one of my friends and this was my first time asking a girl out ( i am also a girl) and thanks to your podcast i was able to very clearly state ” hey i am attracted to you in this way and i would like to do something with you not as friends but as a date” and she said yes and seemed very excited, skip to the end of the date, which was basically us walking around in a park holding hand and talking for 3 hours, we went to the subway to start heading home and at this point we were holding hands and i thought in my head ” ok i had a really good time is there anything else i want from this date ” and i realized that i wanted to kiss her so i took her other hand so that we’d be facing each other but then she sort of passed it off as a silly dance and let go of one of my hands so i asked her directly ” i really want to kiss you right now, do you want to do that?” and she sort of went “ehhhhh” and turned away form me and then i said ” that’s ok we don’t have to” we then get on the subway cart and seat down (everything before this was on the platform) and we were sort of seating there quietly and i realized that this date wasn’t necessarily the same thing to her as it was to me (it wasn’t just the kiss thing there where other signs) so i literally said this word for word ” i had a really good time but i don’t think that this meant the same thing to you as it did for me, i think we should just go back to being friends and i don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me and i promise not to act in any way that does make you feel uncomfortable” and she was sort of nodding her head and saying ” yeah i think that’s good” and then i got off at my stop and went home. so what i want to thank you for is that i learned first how to act on and express my feelings and then later know how to handle the situation immediately instead of letting it fester and really realizing what i wanted and how to pay attention to what she wanted and to make sure i respected that so i wanted to thank you for giving me those skills and that self knowledge and even just what type of language i should use to express myself so again thank you so much and your podcast has really helped me

Dude, you’re so far ahead of where I was when I asked a girl out for the first time! Way to go! You’re building skills that will really help improve your relationships with people, especially when a date turns out to be the same thing for both you and the person you’re dating.

Hey Sandra! I’m in Idaho, I listen to your podcast everyday at work, and it makes the day go fast and lovely! I love your voice and the things you say. I appreciate your awareness of all sorts of sex oriented things, in return it makes me appreciate my lovely boyfriend even more. You have informed me constantly, so thankyou and go team fun!

I’ve left a comment first time I accidentally found your podcast on “I heart Radio”couple months back and have been a fan since! so pretty much all your casts are new to me … I’m single but can’t wait to get into another relationshiT to let my girl listen and “loosen her up” lol I dunno to “help” me out in the long run… At this point I’m rambling and tired and the beginning of “thanksgiving” cast is playing.. Getting hungry… But I’m big fan from Philly but moved to Sarasota so kinda sad missed you “back home” .. Let us know if your coming to florida (gulf coast).. Anyway goodnight from your fan Chris

I’ve left a comment first time I accidentally found your podcast on “I heart Radio”couple months back and have been a fan since! so pretty much all your casts are new to me … I’m single but can’t wait to get into another relationshiT to let my girl listen and “loosen her up” lol I dunno to “help” me out in the long run… At this point I’m rambling and tired and the beginning of “thanksgiving” cast is playing.. Getting hungry… But I’m big fan from Philly but moved to Sarasota so kinda sad missed you “back home” .. Let us know if your coming to florida (gulf coast).. Anyway goodnight from your fan Chris … Jus found my first post first time I listened was march 22

I just listened to your Big Big Love episode and it totally empowered me to get BIZZAY. I gained some weight in my last relationship and have been feeling less than sexy with all of these jiggly bits being even jigglier. You inspired me to allow for the possibility that someone may want these bits as jiggly as they are, despite perception of myself. Long story short, met someone who is SO into my curves and allowed myself to be appreciated “as is” and inhibited for one wild night. Stella got her groove back. Thanks, Sandra and Hane!

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Just listened to the “Sexual Archetypes” episode, and I was thinking about the narrow range of roles we think of for men. Honestly I’m sort of off-and-on as a listener, so I don’t know if you and your listeners ever touched on that again. You’d asked for suggestions.

What that made me think of was an old game someone played with me in person once, and that has been re-born in an unfortunately monotonous way on things like Facebook. The way it got asked of me originally was:

Q: “If you could be any one body of water, what would it be?”

Supposedly, and I’m pretty sure this came from a magazine someone found while waiting to buy yogurt, but *supposedly* your answer to the body of water question was indicative of your ideas about sex.

This made me happy. I’d answered that I wanted to be a particular mountain stream I knew, because it had so many different sides: it could be sweeping and smooth, or suddenly thin and fast, or it could open up and be an almost-still pool with a glassy surface, where you could see deep into it…. I thought that made a nice choice for me. (Also the answers made me absolutely crack up, because someone else had chosen a great lake on the grounds that it was “still and deep and alone.” Ba ha! And sometimes we are, yeah.)

Anyway, my point is, your guest seemed to phrase the question of archetypes as a sort of ‘spirit animal’ thing, and even then she went on to ask you what *predatory* animal you’d be — as if prowling cats and wolves were the set of choices you had, you know? When you were talking about male archetypes, you and Dave started running through superheroes. Superheroes don’t have real sex, yo: the outfits don’t allow it.

If you phrase the question in terms of places, or geography, or works of art (Breugel, because let’s have an orgy!), or music, or any number of different things, it seems like those narrow rails for male roles are removed.

So I’m writing all this to say that sometimes I really feel like Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis — the moment when the violin set behind the first orchestra rises, at the end there — is a nice description of the energy I’m feeling. There’s a reason people play music. Sometimes, I am *so* wanting to be a ludicrous male bowerbird showing off his bower, and mostly to have fun about that with my partner. Yeah? Men can do this too, it’s just our pop cultural river is eroded so deeply into its bed that it can hardly change courses, or rhythms, or strengths, at all. We need the dynamic range of music and the way sunlight falls through the shifting limbs of a red pine, sometimes, instead of a character per se.

Hi Sandra,
Some time back you did a podcast where the guests ere talking about the locks that they installed on their dresser. I searched the web but couldn’t really find exactly what they were using. Any chance you have picture and or links to the type of lock used?

Re: Sex and comics. Favorite comics sex scene: http://comicbookjesus.com/2011/10/01/extra-sequential-podcast-60-sex-scenes/antman-and-wasp-sex/
In regards to the Killing Joke, I detest the whole “women and refrigerators” trend. As for the use of Batgirl as a damsel in distress being sexist, I disagree. The Joker is trying to prove to Batman that all it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. To do this, he gives Batman’s best friend the day from hell. Jim Gordon may have both a son and a daughter, but he isn’t close to his son. In fact, most people are unaware of the existence of James Jr. To torment Gordon, the assault had to be the family member closest to him. Only Barbara visits Jim at this point. There is tradition pressure on fathers to be the protector. To fail in that with the assault right in front of him would be devastating. Also, Jim Gordon is more the in the Damsel in distress role. After Barbara’s assault, she is left behind. Jim is kidnapped, stripped naked, chained, beaten, and psychologically tortured. It is Jim and not Barbara that needs rescued.
The permanence of Barbara’s paralysis made her a stronger character as Oracle. She was more than a hacker and information broker. Under the pen of Gail Simone, she went on to train multiple heroes (including two successors to her Batgirl mantle), solved crimes, went out into the field holding her own from the wheelchair (taser lines helped), formed her own super-team that only featured one (temporary) male member, and represented not only women in comics, but the handicapped. She walks again, but to much protest from many of her fans, men and women alike.
If previous stories had established James Jr. as the closer relative, then we would be talking a different story. After all, Dick Grayson had been shot prior to this and Jason Todd had been beaten to death with a crowbar. The sexism of violence to DC characters seems contained to the civilian population The assault of Sue Dibny in Identity Crisis was uncalled for. Barbara Gordon? That served a more legitimate story function.
Still enjoying the podcast, keep it up!

Mr. Drippings said it perfectly. Just because a character suffers violently at the hands of a criminal in a piece of fiction, even comics, doesn’t automatically make it “girlfriend in a refrigerator” territory.

I believe it’s important to evaluate any content within the context of the story, and the “Oracle” arc is an excellent example of how a character can achieve greatness after suffering a terrible fate. Additionally, as Mr. Drippings pointed out, other than the single gunshot to the spine (and the terrible pun), the Joker did not treat Barbara Gordon nearly as violently as he did Commissioner Gordon.

If anything, the flaw in the storyline was that since “The Killing Joke,” where this all takes place, was originally not part of DC continuity, Commissioner Gordon recovered off-panel, so we didn’t get to see him come back from the psychological trauma he suffered.

On the other hand, the entirety of “Kick-Ass 2″ was complete and utter rubbish specifically because writer Mark Millar doesn’t understand the difference between gang rape and decapitation.

A long time ago (back in 2008!) I came across this organization called AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), started in 2001 to “create public acceptance and discussion of asexuality and facilitate the growth of an asexual community” (quote from their website ‘asexuality.org’).

Discovering this community was a revelation to me at the time, as I had no sexual experience of my own and was trying to decide whether I was even interested.
It introduced me to a different way to see myself and my general indifference to having sex. It also contains a mess of labels to describe the variety of asexualities
out there in the universe (like ‘demisexual’, ‘Gray-A’, identifying as gay/straight/bi and asexual). Interesting stuff; thought you might also like it.

I just listened to your podcast about the UCSB shooting and was really surprised that neither you nor your psychologist mentioned that the shooter had Aspergers. That has everything to do with his lack of social skills, feelings of rejection, being a victim of bullying, and why he lived in a arranged/assisted living type scenario. While what he did was horrendous, I do think there is a certain level of consideration that has to be taken into the fact that he was not just some psychotic that enjoyed penalizing society for not giving him what he wanted, but someone who had a disability paired with mental health issues. I think it’s irresponsible to dismiss it.

Hi Sandra,
I love the show.
I’ve always wanted to be a sub but the guys I’ve had that were clostest to a dom didn’t understand the concept of roleplay very well.
I was wondering if you’ve ever done a podcast about do’s and don’ts in dom/sub relationships or even just suggestions for newbies like myself or even covering the wide range of dom/sub relationship types there are.

I love your shows and start getting a serious case of “lack of sexnerd syndrome” by tuesdays. I have a private group on FB where me and my gf try to help like minded people discover new and exciting kinks. I do a lot of research in the course of a normal day to inform my members of new and exciting kinks and fetishes as well as answer any questions they may have about specific sexual kinks. I posted a link to your page because I have gotten a lot of inspiration from your shows in finding new stuff to post and a lot of very good information in general. We have an absolute policy against any kind of bashing because someone finds another’s kink or fetish either not as kinky as they think it should be or way kinkier than their’s is. Like they say “your kink may not be my kink but that is ok”. We have become a very close knit group and have even been getting together once a year to meet and have fun. I consider all these people life long friends now….no…..I think of them more as family. Just wanted to drop you a note and let you know how much I appreciate everything you do. Go Team Fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Sandra! I think it was in the #yesallwomen episode where you said that sometimes when men hit on you, it feels like being hunted (it sure does); I live in South Korea, and here, guys actually use the Korean/English slang 헌팅, or “hunting” when out looking for girls. What’s funny about this is that (at least in my experience) it doesn’t really describe trying to pick up women like you’d see in the States, which can get really aggressive really fast — it’s more just scoping out a scene and *maybe* getting up the courage to ask for a phone number!

Hey Sandra, I would like to suggest an idea for your next podcast. “Bringing Sexy Back Post-Pardum”. I just became a mommy… and I know that it takes a while to get back into groove of things in the bedroom because of hormones and what not, but this is more than that. In fact, it has nothing to do with wanting intimacy, it has to do with my game. I am not feeling sexy. I feel off! Clumsy almost. I would like to hear a show that talks about this, and what can be done to balance motherhood and being a woman. In Solidarity, Lovingmindinquires

Hi Sandra
I have just stumbled upon your podcast and I really want to thank you for your podcast on big love. I feel out of the place in the dating scene. I have a stigma of being a heavy man like I don’t deserve to have love. I try dating websites and never get replies. Plus I have a tendency to be a nice guy so I have that going against me as well. My type is petite women but what I don’t understand why women don’t give a man like me a chance to prove society norms to be false. I just wanted to say your your podcast give me hope

Hello! Sandra, I want a career in the field of human sexuality and sex education but I am a little mystified and forlorn about how to get there. I am in my second year of university and I was hoping you could give me a little guidance about how to achieve my career goal? Education and experience-wise that is…. Well I have some experiance in human sexuality of course, tee hee….. but I mean educational experiances.

I did NOT expect to enjoy the watersports episode, but tuned in (is that even applicable anymore with podcasts? I guess I tuned my ears and brain in after I hit play, maybe) anyway because it was you, Ken Melvoin-Berg and Sunny Megatron. Gotta say watersports are still not my thing, but I did get a broader understanding of some of the things that people enjoy about it. I was a little curious why you didn’t correct your second guest (I count Ken and Sunny as one!) about the myth that urine is sterile. Ken rightly pointed out that it wasn’t and did a great job explaining his safety rules around it, and I am glad for that. Anything between consensual adults that can be done safely is cool by me.

I also looooooved the phone sex episode, being no stranger to it. And yes, Ashley has a marvelous voice for phone sex. More importantly, I love her attitude, especially the application of improv. If she ever comes out of retirement, I’d love to phone her up sometime. What surprised me (but shouldn’t have, given the way business models work) is how much work she had to do drumming up traffic. I guess I just had this image of, well, Niteflirt and Backpages ads being the standard thing. That’s pretty much how I find my phone partners, because it lets me seek them out. (I am NOT a great fan of being trolled for paid phone sex in chat rooms. I know it’s a necessary evil, but still.)

Also, Sandra, regarding the angry emails about your voice when you playfully drop into the sexy voice: I would not change a THING about your delivery. I love your sense of fun and, yes, the sexiness. The combination of those and the great information you provide are what make the show so wonderful to listen to. Thank you for doing this podcast!

hi, I love your show! It’s very informative! GREAT JOB! Can i make a quick suggestion for a show because i would love to hear what women have to say on this topic. Uncircumcised vs Circumscribed, love it? hate it? I know some girls love it some girls arent into it but never a clear answer why. Anyway. Thanks for doing a great job!

Hey Sandra!
I really want to be at your show on the 17th at Dantes in PDX, but when I use the link provided on this site the page 404s (file or directory not found). Maybe my intertubes are broken but I wanted to give you a heads-up that I can’t pay you all the monies for your sweet tickets.
See you soon,

Live the podcasts. I am listening from oldest to newest. Since I do ultra running I have a lot if listening time. Lol.

A couple of just the tip

Guys, make sure your bathroom is spotless. The toilet seat should be down. Have plenty of toilet paper. But it must be clean.

Also the kitchen better be clean. If those areas are not she is less comfortable. You improve your chances if things are clean.

An observation. On weeks I work very hard the next week my libedo goes through the roof! I am guessing that the muscle recovery tells my body to produce more testosterone. (I do not take any testosterone or steroids or any other drugs) At 55 it is surprising. But good feeling.

I listen to your podcast when I drive home from work. As I was drivin today, I was listening to the podcast with Rachel about Boobs. Everything was fine until about 7 mins in…and there is no audio. Excited for the info, I was frantically trying to get it to work….moving it forward, trying to restart it, bringing it to the beginning and letting it play again. Is there any way you can send that show to me or a different way I can listen to it. I am excited it learn all about BOOBS!

Hi, listened to you episode Sex & Alcohol and supreme court… I was disappointed with the misinformation on the supreme court coverage. It appeared as though you don’t really know much about the subject as it was full of weak talking points and little truth. Especially the idea that this was posing religious beliefs on employees. I had expected more honesty in the discussion from you to provide fair and accurate information but see that you have no interest in doing so. If your going to talk about political issues at least try to make it honest.

Yeah, I heard the Sex & Alcohol & Supreme Court podcast as well. The idea that contraceptives are completely blocked via an organization based on religious reasons isn’t the case at all. First of all, the health insurance of Hobby Lobby covers 16 types of contraception of a total of 20 different kinds. The only ones that their health insurance doesn’t cover is the four types of contraceptive that causes the fertilized egg (fetus) to self-abort and not attach to the uterus. To the Hobby Lobby organization, aborting a fetus is the same as murder (killing of innocent life). And ONLY these four types of aborto-facient contraceptives is what is in question. All other types of contraceptives (that allow for keeping fertilization of the egg from occuring) are already provided by the health insurance of Hobby Lobby. So, nothing is being denied. If they want to prevent pregnancy, that is covered. If they want to kill a pregnancy (abort the baby through drugs) .. that is something they won’t pay for with health insurance.

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I have been sporadically listening so I’m not sure which episodes these are, but two podcasts I recently listened to made me want to investigate this more. The first–Sandra is talking with another woman (a PhD? I can’t remember), and the issue of feminism came up. The guest said yes, I would describe myself as a feminist, and Sandra replied with a surprised “really?” and then talked about the bad press feminism gets sometimes. Sandra, don’t buy into the bullshit about feminism being full of humorless, man-hating whatevers!

And then in another episode, (sorry for my terrible memory), but I think the guest was saying how something he wrote/said/? was pilloried on Jezebel.com, and they both poohpoohed it, and Sandra said, I’m all about feminism, but let people have fun!”

I just found these two comments a bit disturbing, since I’m sure many young girls (maybe?) listen to this podcast. Sex positivity and sexual liberation won’t occur in a vacuum–in general, positive social change will bring everyone closer to both sexual liberation and other kinds of liberations.

Listened to the “dislike Hobby Lobby” episode. It was quite humorous listening to a lawyer discussing the constitutionality of religious affirmation, but managing to miss the irrationality of the origins of “Employer provided healthcare”.

If you trip back to the origins, you discover that employer provided healthcare first started being offered when the government stepped in and froze wages, in an attempt to reduce inflation. The fringe benefit was born.

If I were all powerful, I would happily grant all the benefits of unlimited resources to all.

The battle in Hobby Lobby was not an attack on sexual freedom. It was a backlash against blindly chewing up the bottom line. The difference between viagra and birth control is the number of men looking for viagra and the number of women looking for birth control.

One ad I heard regulary stated the following. “40% of men suffer from Erectile Dysfunction. Only 10% seek treatment!”

Several things to extract from that.

10% of 40% is still enough to make lots of money.
90% of women probably aren’t worried about their hubbies not performing.
90% of 60% would seem to be a much bigger market. If you could find a way to suppress men’s libidos, billions of women would line up to buy it. (3.5Billion * .90 = 3.15 Billion … )

That was humor…

I love your podcast. I live vicariously through it. It is very comforting to know that there are sex positive folks out there.

I just discovered you! Thank you for being so honest and entertaining and providing great, real information while also being so LGBTQ friendly!
You mentioned in one of your podcasts that you had to overcome the vibrator to be able to orgasm in other ways. This is actually the issue I’m facing with my girlfriend (and with others in the past) and would absolutely love a podcast or information on breaking out of an orgasm routine and being able to in other ways.
Thanks for being you!

Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all people you actually understand what you are talking approximately!
Bookmarked. Kindly also seek advice from my website =).
We can have a link exchange arrangement between us

S! I am at the tail end of a 13 year exodus out from some very destructive religious stuff which disabled me socially, intrapersonally and the whole gamut of “sexually”. Its been an amazing but long and tough awakening and I have a way to go; still have an odd relationsip with pleasure… talk about late blooming… With very limited resources for ex-religious people or people going through identity suicide or religious PTSD, your podcast is one of a couple that have brought me freeeedom! And joy! Fun! And so.. It begins.

I’ve just listened to “Oh Joy Sex Toy” Part 1 and part of Part 2, and I’ve learned a lot. Having read the webcomic, I started out only liking and respecting Erika Moen. Now I have a (respectful) crush on her.

The main thing I learned is that it is very hard to drive a car and listen to her voice, especially when she says “Golly!” or “Noooo.” (Thanks to her marvelous Midwestern-sounding accent, it’s also very difficult for me to GET OUT of a car with dignity after listening to her.)

Just listened to your August 21st podcast about Applied Arousal. I love how Pamela makes the idea of arousal all about the empowerment! Have you ever done a podcast about nudity in the form of exhibitionism?? I love going hiking with my partner and finding a place to strip down and just be together – no sex – but there is camera play. It is so freeing and empowering! That is all I thought about during the Applied Arousal podcast – when we are enjoying our nudity while sprawled on a rock watching the sun go down, it is so arousing and I feel so full of life for the rest of the evening. At that is without sex! I cannot wait to add Pamela’s techniques and ideals to this! Thank you!!!

Not that you need this but I wanted to write and say thank you. My wife and I attended your workshop in Alexandria Virginia. We had so much fun and we learned a lot too. In my real life I evaluate trainers and I have sat in on a number of poorly led and taught workshops. So I have to say that I watched you with a judgmental eye. I must say however, that your skill at taking a sensitive subject like sex and making a group feel at ease with the topic was nothing short of amazing.

I just wanted to thank you and say the next time you are in DC we will be there too, to support you! You are the best!!

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As someone who’s listened for a while now, and who’s been hearing you talk openly about your own struggles — with desire, with depression — I feel like I have a bit of that perspective someone gets from a distance.

The last episode, with Emily Nagoski, almost seemed to bring all that to a head. The moment when you spontaneously came back to your own questions about safety, or about pleasing others, was one of those truly vulnerable times when we let ourselves see something new I think.

You’ve often talked about these things as if your changing was a problem. Maybe you’re just changing. It’s been a while since I remember you last talking about “polyamory,” for example. Maybe that means something different to you now. Maybe “Hook-Up Culture” has a different affect on you today than it did five years ago. Maybe different stuff makes you feel “safe,” or maybe (to use Ms. Nagoski’s terms) your accelerator and brake pedals have different thresholds now.

None of that change would compromise who you are, or your “brand” as a sex educator. If anything the fact that you’ve evolved over time would give you more depth as a person and as a personality. Maybe you could embrace certain changes, and talk to us about the things that do spark some desire in you rather than mourning the loss of some previous condition.

I don’t know you except as a voice, but I wanted to make the argument, here, that sometimes the leaden feeling that we’re not feeling anything is more of a sign that we’re a little bit afraid to change. Sometimes not accepting even a relatively small shift in how we feel about things can turn into a numbing weight we carry around. I’ve had an experience like that with sleeping; once I heard from an anthropologist that waking up halfway through the night is really culturally more the norm than it was a *medical problem*, I learned to enjoy that “mid watch” time rather than struggling against it as “insomnia.” You see?

Again, you’re just a voice for me, but there is lots more joy and delight and yeah, sex, left for you. I feel sure of that.

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LOVE your podcast!!! Always waiting for the next episode!
Could you talk about online dating, specifically the Tinder app? The good, the bad and the ugly? What are your thoughts? Just for hook ups or can it be used for more serious relationships?

I just heard the podcast where Alison Moon described the different ways that she can control and manipulate her vagina. It reminded me of the song that Prince did in the 80s or 90s called “pussy control”. Fisting is a great topic and this podcast has me heading to youtube to get some visual references.

Love the show and we are always at your DC shows. Hope to see you again soon.

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I do not where to start but I really enjoy your pod cast. They are simply amazing. Let me get to the point of why I am writing this email. I am a college student at CSUF. I am doing an Internship next spring in our WoMen Center on Campus. I was wondering the best way to come up with workshops or if you could teach me some of the basic of your lovely and education workshops that you teach around the country. Thank you for your time and all the work you do.

Hey! Love your podcast. I’m listening to all of the episodes from the beginning again. okay, so I don’t know if it has changed over time, but Im transgender and it totally affects me as a sex nerd when people talk continuously about people with vaginas as females. It’s really distracting to me, upsetting, and I really encourage you to be more trans-inclusive with your podcasts. I’m sure that youve gotten better with this over time but going back to the very beginning is a little bit triggering for someone like me. I was just listening to a podcast way way way back called sex store warriors and someone was talking negatively about a sexual experience with a transwoman. I wasn’t very happy. Just a reminder to you

Happy Thanksgiving, Sandra! I’m a new listener to your podcast and am really enjoying it. A lot of good interviews, and I like how you put a lot of your personal life and experience in it, too. Thanks for producing this!

1) You’re amazing.
2) Your podcast is great. Very informative, funny, and entertaining. I’ve learned a lot since I found the podcast over a year ago.
3) I listen to your podcast at 1.5x playback speed. This helps me to absorb a lot more nerdiness in less time. One awesome side-effect is that your really cute and frequent laugh is played back at chipmunk speed!
4) Your show has helped me to open up informed conversations with some of the great people in my life; Conversations that could have been uncomfortable, but instead were productive and helpful.

I absolutely love your podcast and listen to it religiously. There is a topic, however, that I have not heard mentioned in depth, and that’s how to survive a relationship that is going through a dry spell or dealing with self care in the midst of a sexless relationship. I have gone through this recently with an ex of mine. I feel perhaps, if I would have handled it better, it would not have driven him away and left me feeling like I am past my prime. I am a very hot 31 year old woman and I could not comprehend for the life of me why the sex had stopped. Needless to say, it took a hit on my self esteem and almost a year of self help to recover from. Perhaps the relationship was not meant to be. When I searched the web for advice, it seems its a VERY common problem. Who knew! None of my friends have ever talked about it. I would love to hear this issue addressed on your podcast. Perhaps women out there can finally know they are not alone and get some advice to cope better than I did.

Sandra, I’m a new, yet immediately huge fan. Lots of fun listening to your podcasts. I heard in a previous podcast a while back about your Adam and Eve discount code “SEX NERD”, I dont recall which episode, but upon ordering (lots of fun stuff), it says invalided. I’m happy to order from a reputable seller at a substantial premium, for the piece of mind (and of course, your recommendation) but the discount would be nice. Is that not the right code? or maybe only of a limited time? whatever? please advise. BTW, you rock!

just finished your last podcast, Phone Sex New Year with Ashley Manta!. I found it very touching… not in a playfulway, but to the heart. you have given me insight to sexuality over that last few years and it had been all good. I’m sorry about your personal issues that make you feel down or dought in your self, but it is all just a lable. you a re you you a re and you are sex nerd. i’m one too and i have you to thank. Go team fun!. wish you well.

Hi Sandra,
Thanks for taking the time and effort to share about sex on your podcast. I listen to it regularly. It seems lately you have been having some reservations about who you are sexually and what you want to share with the public. From what I can see you are an amazing woman that has nothing to be ashamed of. Let it out, tell it how it is, don’t worry about whether you are professional or not. You are so much more together that 95% of the population and have so much more knowledge to share that it is a shame that you worry about how you are perceived. If you can break free and not worry about your dark closets you and the World will be a better place.

I was just listening to the podcast you did with Matt Braunger, when you said you wish there was a word for when you feel embarrassed about what other people do on stage/in other situations. THERE IS ONE, in german, it’s called fremdschämen, and it literally means being embarrassed for strangers.

On being an educator (sex, or otherwise…)… Listening over the last couple weeks, I had a thought, and a suggestion. Like it or not, whether you want to call yourself a ‘Sex Educator’ or not, people who are curious, and listen to your podcast with an open mind, WILL learn something from it. Over time, LOTS of things! So, if you don’t want to call yourself an educator, that’s certainly your prerogative. However, like it or not, all of your listeners learn from you, and the dialogue with guests that you facilitate.

On the pressures of being a teacher… I’m not analyzing (not qualified to do so), but have a thought. Being a teacher (thinking specifically about school), there is a time where a ‘grade’ must be assigned to the student. At the same time, there is an assessment about whether the teacher has done their job to teach the full required curriculum. Is there a thought or worry in your mind about grading (casting judgment) or being graded (being judged) that makes you uneasy? Just a question / observation…

If being a Sex Nerd is what you want to call yourself, then be the title. That being said, I thank you for the weekly learning that I get from you and your guests. Keep up the great work, you are helping people, and we appreciate it.

Concerning the last few podcasts and your observations about your own identity… to me you are not just any ‘sex nerd’. You are THE Sex Nerd. More than educator, more than podcaster, more than conference speaker and goer. You provide a window into all aspects of human sexuality (endlessly curious) with a good, game and giving mindset (always sex positive). When you struggle with your identity, it may be because you are unique in an extraordinary way. As a leader, you will find few, if any, in front of you to follow.

Me? 50-something and wish you had been around when I was 17 and confused. Very happy you are in the world now, my next 50 years promises to be sexier than ever.

I have a recommendation for your website! But first, love the podcast; I just found out about it recently, and I’ve been very into it, it makes for good driving-to-work listening. It is especially refreshing to hear a feminist perspective on sex and sexuality that isn’t, ah, antagonistic towards men, for lack of a better set of words. (It makes for a refreshing change of pace compared to what I’ve been exposed to previously.) The variety of topics is lovely as well, so many things to talk about SO MANY ACTIVITIES and so much stuff that I am now curious about that I wanna try out at some point.

A recommendation that I have, though, is a page on your website for the various deals and offers that the various sponsors of your show. ‘Cuz some of them sound really good and enticing but usually the only time I hear about them is when I’m on my way to work. Having a list and maybe some handy links available would be splendid.

Basically, what I’m saying is step your merch game up. Your merch was good, but now it’s time for the sequel. Merch 2: Merch Harder: The Merchening: Electric Boogaloo.

P.S.: “Electric Boogaloo” would be the fucking WEIRDEST name for a sex toy.

I have listened to Sex Nerd Sandra for about a year now and I really love your show. It really makes my sex life better and my commute more interesting. You are awesome. Keep up the good work! When you have an offer code that I can use, I always use it!

I have a technical problem to report with the podcast that might mean a loss of ad revenue and awesome knowledge delivery.

Currently, the RSS feed for that podcast is broken in some way. I am using Android and BeyondPod. I am receiving this message:

“There was an error during your last feed update!”

I have also been on the Sex Nerd Sandra’s section of your website. Other users report the same problems:

Ian – The rss feed is screwed up, I can’t download any through my podcast app, I have to do them manually.

You mentioned on love lab #2 that you had several callers that left messages where it seemed like they were being called. It might be that some one is spoofing you and them http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caller_ID_spoofing
Just thought I’d mention it in case it helps solve the mystery :P