In your teens and twenties, people will tell you there are plenty of fish in the sea. At that time in our life, that statement holds true; and the best part is that the fish are pretty good fish. They’re likely not to be fish that have suffered the emotional damage caused by a divorce. The are likely not fish with child support. They are fish not yet jaded or cynical by the emotional let-downs of failed relationships. Personally, I feel this is a time in your life when you should experiment with a lot of different fish and find out who you are, what you want in life, and what kind of fish you want to start a school with.

One of my gal friends recently told me about a guy she has been in a relationship with for a few years, but he won’t commit. When I say “commit,” I don’t necessarily mean marriage. I mean being exclusive. I mean cohabitation. I mean not denying snuggling because, “It’s too permanent.”

He’s been seeing her for years, so we know he sees something in her, so what is he waiting for? She’s smart, highly educated, athletic, and has a lot going for her, so why doesn’t he sink the hook already?

If this guy thinks my friend is not the one, why is he still stringing her along? Why doesn’t he cut her loose and recast his line? Instead, she’s left nibbling at the bait that keeps getting pulled just out of her reach.

The kicker to this story is that this guy isn’t in his twenties or thirties. He’s waaaay past that. “Waaaay” is not synonymous with “a few years” or even “a decade,” so waaaay past prime fishing season. So what is he waiting for? It can’t be because he’s waiting for a better fish because I think he’s fished every lake, ocean, and a few Intracoastal Waterways by his age. Is he holding out for Christy Brinkley or some member from the cast of Nemo? Does he just not believe in mating for life? At his age, how good can his bait really be?

It’s true, in your teens and twenties there are plenty of fish in the sea. However, after thirty-five, there aren’t so many fish, and the sea is really more of a puddle. Men after a certain age try to hide their flaws by using bait such as twenty-dollar bills in their pocket next to the little blue pills. They buy hairpieces and sports cars. They hide the invitations to join AARP.

If you find someone that accepts and loves you despite your flaws, shouldn’t you scoop them into your net and hang onto them forever? Shouldn’t you hang up your waders and put away our tackle box? What if this is the fish you were meant to be with but you throw her back? Will you never find true love? Will you die a lonely fisherman never finding the perfect fish?

Just like no person is perfect, no fish is perfect. However, it’s the person or fish that knows your flaws, yet loves you for you, that is the fish worth keeping. I hope my friend’s significant other realizes this before he puts another worm on his hook and goes fishing again. Then again, maybe I hope that my friend gives up on the bait constantly out of her reach and goes for the juicy worm that lets her bite it.

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2 thoughts on “THE FISH THAT CAN’T COMMIT”

Very insightful column. I was married from age 29-39 (officially divorced not long after turning 40), together with that person for about 3 years before that. So after my divorce, I sort of went through my 20s, in my 40s. That was fun. I never considered myself “damaged goods ,” and in fact, I felt “improved” in many ways. Fast forward 11 years, now at 51, I suddenly fear that I will die a “lonely fisherman.” But why? I have my independence, not lonely, plenty of friends (and fish … I suppose), etc., but because I am not in a “final relationship” so to speak, I feel destined for loneliness. As to your friend with the geezer, she may very well like his lack of commitment, but just can’t bring herself to admit it. Post-divorce gals over 35, for better or for worse, are becoming like guys.