Thursday, September 08, 2005

"Asses of Fire" the movie review (of sorts)

Most of us have probably seen the film South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, but I'm sure no one out there has had a chance to view the film Asses of Fire, the Terrence and Phillip vehicle that started the U.S. and Canadian war in the film. Recently I was lucky enough to view Asses of Fire and I'm going to give my thoughts on the film. I was able to see a version with commentary from Terrence and Phillip, so I'll also be giving you guys some of their comments on the film.

Just like in the SP movie the opening scene of Asses of Fire starts out with the immortal line, "What did the Spanish priest say to the Arabian gynecologist?" Of course, the answer is a loud fart in the face. This is quickly followed up by the immortal improvisational jam epic "Uncle Fucker", the extended fart soloing can only be matched by Charlie Parker's classic be-bop jazz stylings. So most of us have probably seen this part of the film but I'll give you a take on how Terrence and Phillip feel about this masterwork of a song...

Terrence: Yeah buddy, it wasn't supposed to be so improvisational. But I really had to take a shit.Phillip: You had a hamster rammed up your ass. That's why you had to shit so bad.Terrence: Fuck you buddy.

Words of wisdom from two of our greatest TV and film icons. Anyway, most of you probably haven't seen too much more of the film so I'll give you a brief synopsis. The film really takes off into a mix of Soviet Montage, 1940's Film Noir, Italian Neorealism, French New Wave, and 1970's pornography that is literally groundbreaking and utterly repulsive at the same time. Says the director...

Terrence: Yeah guy, I was really interested in the editing techniques applied by Eisenstein, did you fart buddy? Because it smells like those Budweiser Clydsdales crawled up your ass and died.Phillip: Fuck off, you cockeating shitmaster.

The basic plot is very hard to follow but it revolves around many key elements like unicorn breeding, cannibalistic zombies, the devastating effects of global warming, people eating feces, a nasty uncle raping scene, multiple scenes of torture and execution involving prominent Canadian TV personalities who aren't Terrence and Phillip (committed by Terrence and Phillip), the problem with the widening gap of wealth distribution between first and third world countries, sitting around on couches, a Will Ferrel cameo and of course, farting...

Phillip: A lot of people have given us heat for the Ferrel cameo, they said it was too obvious, I still thought it was funny... fuck you buddy!Terrence: AHAHAHAHA, I farted, I farted on his face, some shit spat out and got on his face.Phillip: Fuck off cockmaster, take this.Terrence: Oh my god, that smells so bad (puking noise)Phillip: AHAHAHAHAHA my fart smelled so bad Terrence started to throw up (puking noise)Terrence: AHAHAAHHAAAA Phillip's puking from his own fart.

Words of wisdom to live by. So overall I give this film 31/2 out of 5 stars. While it was funny the whole way through, I was just too grossed out by the whole thing, but I recommend that you see it if you ever get a chance.