Main menu

Near Disasters

Pages

After a good, long run, we have decided to close our forums in an effort to refocus attention to other sections of the site. Fortunately for you all, we're living in a time where discussion of a favorite topic now has a lot of homes. So we encourage you all to bring your ravenous love for discussion to Chuck's official Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram. And, as always, you can still post comments on all News updates. Thank you for your loyalty and passion over the years. These changes will happen June 1.

When I was seventeen I told my mom I was moving out, went to school, came home three hours later and she had all my things packed in her van and a friends van, told me I didn't even need to go in, and wanted to know where we were going.

That sounds like a lesson for a braty teenager. I had actually rented a room though. So we went, and I was moved out like that.

Your 11th grade stories of rebellion are so much more intense than mine.

And I did not wear shorts that summer, no. They gave me the good antibiotics, definitely. The single barrel aged stuff.

I got severely burnt with hookah coals one winter. I was wearing a mini skirt and sitting on the floor. I thought the scars will stay there forever, but luckily they did not. They looked horrible for a few months, though.

Don't say that. There was nothing left to rebel against, had to move on to the outside world. I felt bad as soon as I wrote that, you saying you were afraid of being grounded at seventeen reminded me is all, I wasn't trying to out do you.

I fucked up really bad that summer and by fall had left town for the city here. Which I then turned around and left again for the most absurd road trip ever before ending up in a town of four hundred, homeless here and there in between each transition for various amounts of time, finally back here to the city, then somehow got stuck in these soccer mom suburbs for the past eight years.

Pretty recently I was toasting bread, and I couldn't get it out of the toaster when it was done, so I used a knife to get it out... When Pål Martin saw what I was doing, he freaked out at me. I guess I wasn't thinking? I'm such an idiot.

Pretty recently I was toasting bread, and I couldn't get it out of the toaster when it was done, so I used a knife to get it out... When Pål Martin saw what I was doing, he freaked out at me. I guess I wasn't thinking? I'm such an idiot.

WAAIIIIT

A

MINUTE

Is Pal Martin a cat? Or a person? This whole time I've been reading those posts about him as a cat...like when he scared you behind the door in the dark bathroom...but lately I've started imaging it as a ghost who lives with you and I think I might keep it that way.

What is in my water supply? Read some of these how I've been reading them, like he's a cat...

Pål Martin really liked that game.

Pål Martin said to me: "Are you waiting for your dog?"

Accents are great. I love to hear Pål Martin talk English, haha.

PA - On Saturday we took the bus to the little town where Pål Martin's parents live. There were quite some people on the bus already, and then a drunk man showed up. First, he sat down 2 rows in front of us, and I was getting nervous. After a couple minutes of mumbling to himself he started yelling "SHUT UP!" to no one in particular, or perhaps to the voices in his head. He kept looking behind him, and he then moved and sat down on the same row as us. Luckily I was sitting by the window (Pål Martin on the "outside"), but I was getting so scared, and I squeezed the life out of Pål Martin's hand. I was trying to read my book, which didn't work at all, and I was about to cry. The drunk guy kept balling his fist, like he was angry about something, and ready to fight. Pål Martin then moved, so that he was facing me, and I wasn't able to see the drunk guy anymore. After about half an hour, the guy got off the bus, and then I almost started hyperventilating because of all the tension that had been building up inside of me.

I wonder if what happened last week (the angry guy randomly yelling at me) is at all to blame for my reaction, or if I'm just.. messed up. I'm so happy I have Pål Martin.

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I was done I opened the bathroom door, and saw that the whole appartment was dark. I went "Påly?" I knew he was going to try and scare me, but he didn't know I was already scared to death just because the lights were off. Suddenly Pål Martin's face popped up from behind the bathroom door, that I was still holding, and I started screaming.

He figured it would be a bad idea to scare me like that after all, and he meant to show himself in a non-scary way, but suddenly seeing someone behind the door.... My fucking god. It scared me so much I started crying right after I was done screaming, haha.

He might be more traumatized than me, seeing the terror on my face. He feels horrible and won't stop apologizing, and hugging and kissing me.

I'm stoned pretty much 24/7, but I still don't know who Pal Martin is. By all logical leads it's her boyfriend, but who says 'my boyfriend' for forever years and then switches to a full name? Is that even a full name, or is the Pal silent in the Netherlands? Ritt prevails on account of it being much easier and probably more entertaining to just imagine that it really is a cat.

I'm stoned pretty much 24/7, but I still don't know who Pal Martin is. By all logical leads it's her boyfriend, but who says 'my boyfriend' for forever years and then switches to a full name? Is that even a full name, or is the Pal silent in the Netherlands? Ritt prevails on account of it being much easier and probably more entertaining to just imagine that it really is a cat.

Some other people here are aware of what his name is, so it felt silly to continue to call him "my boyfriend".

Alecia wrote:

Have y'all seen him? He looks pretty tough to me. Probably not the kind of guy you want to call a cat.

What is in my water supply? Read some of these how I've been reading them, like he's a cat...

Pål Martin really liked that game.

Pål Martin said to me: "Are you waiting for your dog?"

Accents are great. I love to hear Pål Martin talk English, haha.

PA - On Saturday we took the bus to the little town where Pål Martin's parents live. There were quite some people on the bus already, and then a drunk man showed up. First, he sat down 2 rows in front of us, and I was getting nervous. After a couple minutes of mumbling to himself he started yelling "SHUT UP!" to no one in particular, or perhaps to the voices in his head. He kept looking behind him, and he then moved and sat down on the same row as us. Luckily I was sitting by the window (Pål Martin on the "outside"), but I was getting so scared, and I squeezed the life out of Pål Martin's hand. I was trying to read my book, which didn't work at all, and I was about to cry. The drunk guy kept balling his fist, like he was angry about something, and ready to fight. Pål Martin then moved, so that he was facing me, and I wasn't able to see the drunk guy anymore. After about half an hour, the guy got off the bus, and then I almost started hyperventilating because of all the tension that had been building up inside of me.

I wonder if what happened last week (the angry guy randomly yelling at me) is at all to blame for my reaction, or if I'm just.. messed up. I'm so happy I have Pål Martin.

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I was done I opened the bathroom door, and saw that the whole appartment was dark. I went "Påly?" I knew he was going to try and scare me, but he didn't know I was already scared to death just because the lights were off. Suddenly Pål Martin's face popped up from behind the bathroom door, that I was still holding, and I started screaming.

He figured it would be a bad idea to scare me like that after all, and he meant to show himself in a non-scary way, but suddenly seeing someone behind the door.... My fucking god. It scared me so much I started crying right after I was done screaming, haha.

He might be more traumatized than me, seeing the terror on my face. He feels horrible and won't stop apologizing, and hugging and kissing me.

Important Disclaimer: Although this is Chuck Palahniuk’s official website, we are in essence, more an official ‘fansite.’ Chuck Palahniuk himself does not own nor run this website. Nor did he create it. It was started by Dennis Widmyer, who is the webmaster and editor of most of the content. Chuck Palahniuk himself should not be held accountable nor liable for any of the content posted on this website. The opinions expressed in the news updates, content pages and message boards are not the opinions of Chuck Palahniuk nor his publishers. If you are trying to contact Chuck Palahniuk, sending emails to this website will not get you there. You should instead, take the more professional route of contacting his publicist at Doubleday.