My soul just got dark

I try again. And again. And again. This bossfight freaks me out. Dark Souls III (From Software, 2016) is not fair. Noo, this game is just not fair. This stupid boss isn’t going to die! Whyyyy… argh! Again. And again. THIS GAME IS…

amazing! Finally I have beaten him. I feel overwhelmed. Pure joy is throwing its particles of happiness into my mind. Wow, that was a fight. Took me hours.

When I rethink the situation, I feel ashamed. I won this virtual bossfight, but the bossfight in real life, that one exam in the middle of the semester, was too hard for me to pass. I lost the game! And not only a few hours later I was sitting in front of the console, playing Dark Souls 3, smashing my emotions towards the screen and feeling… good afterwards. Yeah, I needed this good feeling.

I tried so hard, and in the end, I defeated the boss in the game. How hard have I tried to get a good grade in the exam in university? I feel like not having tried too hard. The grotesque thing is, that there is no restart button for my exam. I have to give my best to defeat the bossfight in real life with my first try. Otherwise I won’t get the points I need to be a successful student. So why did I not try as hard as I tried to defeat the Boss in the game? Wasn’t I aware of the consequences? Or did I just thought I can try again and again in my subconscious?

Friends trying hard on Dark Souls 3

Sometimes it is easy to loose track on the important things. Sometimes the world is so full of serious things to keep always in mind, the underlying need is to escape of that and just play games. The characteristic of a game is a non-serious level, I can try how often I want, and I can shake away all my thoughts of serious real life. Maybe this time, I forgot to catch them back. I maybe was still thinking of real life as a video game, and this is not only because I have been playing video games recently, but I enjoyed having fun in general. Serious stuff is not as much fun as the fun that is possible with friends around you.

Yeah, I feel ashamed. And this shame is going to make it different for my next exam. Shame is a factor of seriousness. And although the ecstatic joy I got overwhelmed with after defeating the boss in the video game was what I needed after so much frustration, the serious frustration of not getting the mark I wanted to achieve will not be replaced.