Tuesday

The situation I am living right now, talking about the abuse, the bullying I was into, my "inestability" as in moving from one place to another is not new.

For 10 years of my life I lived a situation I could not control, and when I say I could not control,
For me is I could not explain.

The man I was with starting taking me with doctors whom provided harsh drugs, the one who talked was him, I was paralized, due his behavior he would not work, or leave my house, when I say my house is because I was paying the rent, food and all that a house is like Electrocity.

He started forcing me economically, the drugs he gave me did not allowed me to go out of bed as early as him, but I had to get up to pack your Mexican Dresses or look for another seamstress, as sometimes seamstresses when looking at my websites and ideas would want to take advantage of in many ways as I was alone and no one would take "care" of me.

What I wanted them to understand is I did not need anyone to take care of me
My education the heritage my father left me was enough to take care of my self.

But coping with an abuser was not into my father plans nor into mine, I left Hermosillo Sonora to stay away from that and found my self in a place lacking of culture appreciation
And willing to abuse from others.

I was tired of been controled, economically, of the threats he made,
After the consecuenses of his decisions, the abortion, he told his family and friends
And my friends whom looked for me where lied upon, I contacted them
Within the first signs and he convinced them I was allucinating.

He then contacted my family, my mother and sisters that somehow had this jelaousness sinnce
My first business, when I was 21 I opened my first place, while at that age there wheresitting in the computer I purchased for them at telmex, sadly doing nothing and looking upon
My accounts over Etsy to see how many bucks I was making... making accounts.

They started helping that guy, they followed his behaviors, they did not care aboutmy bruises,
About the hole he made on my knee, about the pledges I make them, and they loved there
And saw besides "pretending" doing something in the computer (they where aware he liked adults things), they never tried or helped me out taking him out, and taking me to a good and proper psycologist, someone whom understood "pregancy depression" to start with and "abortion" and aso
"Domestic violence" and "bullying techniques".

I was only a puppet, one who worked answered emails, was yelled upon, was in charge of everything, and he, or them will just have fun when I got angry.
I got angry for valid reasons.

I asked him many times to leave, he Carlos Rodriguez Mercado or also know as Carlos Hocker never left, he after putting me a broom in the neck after packaging al Mexican dresses or hitting me at the san pancho beach, before I had to buy a bracelet for a Facebook address order, I will ask him to leave, I will try to confront him, and I did, gaining more violence against me.
He was suppose to be a smart guy, but his intelligence was used then to contact my sisters and jist say to the "she is bipolar", they got in, I had bruises I ask them for help and they did nothing. They instead helped him, the years passed and the abusive behavior continued, they kept my money a in paypal for some bags I never sold and some other situations like Carlos they never resolved.

They allowed him to abuse from me, I asked for help many many times even before the abortion, and they just said "dont you use condoms?", I mean he did not and He put me in heavy meds that where affected by pregnancy pills, but how you explain that to them? With that andwer when you just said you have a baby in your belly, and need help?

Years went by, years of violence and I arrived to a place where I realized via Internet that al times they "helped" him put me away, besides from him "been alone and with a sad face", they will move legal stuff for the things my father left, as in Mexico if you are crazy you do not have any right to your heritage.

They will say stuff as you will never be so skinny as you where once, like if I cared, they will force me to work after al those years me, helping them, they never provide (until today) an single dolar for me eating or for my healing process, they will go on vacation with their friends and request me just when they wanted a babysitter or someone to entertain their kids.

(Typos? I am on my phone)
My sisters ending telling the police I was "so emotional" I hit her kids, which is a false statement and is illegal to lie to the police, I got angry, I called the police and the Violence system in Hermosillo sonora and they did nothing, they did not stop them.
They feel with so much power above me, due all the "clinic" stuff they got from Carlos, that even me going to doctors in the USA, them knowing I was fine they contacted my customers from Aida Coronado, and even friends whom contacted them years ago to never receive a response with statemenst about me that where also false and Not true.

How do you stay and see and listen an abuser when all you have to do is help to prevent a death.

In the case of my sister Chary, she even called me and I answered thinking she was going to apologize and she said "quit contacting carlos hocker, he is with someone since years ago, he even has children now, so he is going to keep all your stuff", for me that was a surprise, as 7 months ago he was still asking me for money, even when he crashed Etsy when not resolving customer orders and not programming shipping dates, he never did that... but when I said, hey guy you are been unfaithful your frustration talks for it self he would get very mad as in very angry and yell at me hurtful stuff as my Paranoia was out of place.

Dont this people understand they hurt you?
And besides that they will make you less aware and more prompt to abusers?

They should stay away and never contact or attempt to help, what was their help worth all those years?

For me they just where into they own interests.
Telling others driving a notice so cold like that, "that they knew already" makes a helping him t continue abusing from me a non sense I want to stay away for ever and never come back to places where violence means "getting worried" and not acting before to provide solutions.

In a world where is inherent that woman stay quiet and man ask for help and do what they want,
Will you continue quiet?
Will you raise your children to cope with the abuse, My dad did not allow abuse,
He showed me to tolerate it but not to be abusive back, and all I know is I have to leave from that,
Cuz trying to make a guy understand is not ok to "abuse a woman" "even if she deserves it"
Because of her clothing, because of her attitude towards your own violence, is just nuts...

That is a game that is a society play not just a "responsibility of the author".
The familes, friends and neighboors are responsible for allowing abusers, the communication media,
The people around those situations, so instead of "doing a surprise face" or "stunishing" because what happened then, well
Train people, society to act when they see an "abusive behavior" so things fo not escalate.

For me this days with all above I keep working,
And besides al natura things hapening and God sending me to woman
Who is even abused economically or with hot oil, or with "emotional violence" with false statemenst about them selfs and even "threatened to be hit if they continue speaking", still makes me think, among all that bad things that
Happened to me, I am strong and able to be at least a word, a woman who is there at least telling
Them YOU COUNT WITH ME.

While all this happens a Country is in reconstruction.
I hope this also gets reconstructed.

Thoughts of Tuesday.

And me? As always continue working,
Like and employee of my company with all my heart,
Because I am a piece of that, of Mexico.

And You?
Who you are?

Me?
This are my statements
And I believe on them,
I believe in Free People as in Free Woman
As in freedom of speech.