Let’s just skip the intro all together. You’re scanning this anyways, let’s be honest. I could put the deepest, darkest secrets of life and all its mystery in this first paragraph and you’re still going to skip it. It’s cool… no hard feelings. So without further time wasted and other hullabaloo, have a gander at the low end two-start pitchers for this week in fantasy baseball. Good luck. (Please note that pitchers and match-ups change.)

David Phelps (Tor vs Laffey, Bal vs Hunter) I saw the match-ups and my pants sorta don’t fit right anymore. Innings and depth in games should be your only concern, that and making sure your pork is cooked thoroughly.

Brett Anderson (@Cle vs Hernandez, Bos vs Buchholz) This is more of an honorable mention, because if he isn’t owned in your league then your league basically sucks and you’re already thumbs deep in fantasy hockey.

Luis Mendoza (Det vs Sanchez, Min vs Diamond) Not a lot of low end options this week, so I am showing you what desperation would look like.

Bronson Arroyo (@Ari vs Cahill, @Hou vs Norris) There are people in this world that you just don’t wanna hold the door for, and Bronson is that to me. This week though I am opening his soda cans if he would let me, no love lost or gained in fantasy, unless you’re really lonely.

Joe Blanton (@Col vs Francis, Ari vs TBD) The janitor gets a double shift this week. It either means we are completely desperate or the stalls will have new urinal cakes. The change to LA hasn’t been so awesome. Seek refuge elsewhere or don’t — you have been warned.

Hisashi Iwakuma (@Min vs Diamond, LAA vs Weaver) If you told me that the Mariners would be only 6 games out of the wild card and are basically scorching hot by Sept 1st, I would have spit soda out my nose and graciously laughed at you while you cleaned it up. ERA under a deuce for the last 6 starts.

Luke Hochevar (@Bos vs Buchholz, Min vs Hendriks) He is like the perfect pitcher you would find at Marshall’s. You can’t ever see anything wrong with him, but subtly you know there is really something wrong.

Scott Diamond (Sea vs Iwakuma, @KC vs Mendoza) Diamond my eye, he looks more like a zircon. Continues to be a great middle of the road option, hasn’t allowed more than 3 runs in a month. Barring a suspension for throwing over some dude’s head, you could do worse.

@Phil, For a long term add of course. He is rumored to be getting the call August 31 and getting a start against the Yankees. So short term it would be a tough spot start. Though on the contrary the Yankees always struggle with guys they see for the first time.

I really want to roster Skaggs. Would you kick either Volquez or Detwiler to the curb for him? Having a tough time dropping either as I start Volquez at home only, and Detwiler been solid, but unspectacular.