Young Love and Marriage in Vegas: Gay Dads Chris and Parker

So let's set the stage: After a period where he tried to will himself straight thanks to a very Mormon stepmother and strict Army father, Chris Labine, now 25, moved to Las Vegas and met Parker Graves, now 23, on Grindr in November of 2015, who was raised by his grandparents because his immediate parents “were not really fit" to raise him and his sister, and who himself has a biological son, Liam, now three, with his former boss, Ashley.

“I'd say we are the definition of a modern family," sums Parker.

Y'think?

Chris and Parker with Liam and their two dogs

Silence, Please

You can see the Negative Nancies lining up in the peanut gallery for this one, whether it is the “too much, too fast, too soon" camp or those scornful types charging that gays and lesbians have a responsibility to treat the hard-won right to marry with the utmost of deliberation. Artist Chris and Parker, a bank teller, are not oblivious to either, but neither are they trying to prove a point. In fact, they are using both notions as blueprints for the dynamic of their partnership.

Says Chris, “We know marriage is something very important to people. We don't treat this like we are just dating; when we have disagreements, we are very, very good at communicating it, and we remember in the forefront of our mind that we are married, we are going to work through this, we're not going to tear each other down."

“I realized this is the man, the person, I want to spend the rest of my life with," Parker affirms. “We're going to make it work, and at the end of the day we love each other. Our best interests are each other's interest. That's what we do."

Chris and Parker's wedding day

Each is particularly watchful for mountain-forming molehills; those seemingly innocuous bumps and slides of a relationship that are just the tip of very real issues that the complacency of a LTR may overlook because the comfort-level is already so high. And for all the spontaneity of saying “I do," neither husband has the we-can-always-get-divorced lackadaisical regard for leaving the relationship; come hell or high water, Chris and Parker vow to make their marriage work. Anything good is worth fighting for, and to say that all whirlwind romances end in failure is overly simplistic (not to mention a little eros-killing).

Vegas Baby

And just to make things interesting, why not throw in a toddler?

According to 2005 statement from the American Psychological Association, “sexual orientation exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive heterosexuality to exclusive homosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality." This is a modern version of the scale developed in the 1940s by sexologist Alfred Kinsey, and suggests that sexual orientation varies from individual to individual across a spectrum. While Chris always identified as gay, Parker includes some wiggle room, enough for a child to be born (“It was kind of unexpected," Parker admits) with Ashley. Today, she and Parker co-parent Liam, and for his part, Chris embraces the role of step-father.

Chris (left) and Parker kissing Liam

“I was nervous about how he would respond to me being so young," Chris recalls, but, “I absolutely adore Liam and he has given me worth to my life. It's pretty cute to watch Parker be a dad. I fall in love with him more watching him with his son."

“I go for the little more lenient route, Chris likes structure," Parker adds, describing how familial roles are establishing themselves. “And I think that Liam is taking well to it. I mean, he adores Chris."

Chris and Parker have yet to formally explain to their son that his family is somewhat different from others; but there is something to be said for learning by osmosis: Chalk it up to a child's famous plasticity or an inherent knack for fatherhood on the part of Chris, but Liam has not missed a beat to the inclusion of a third player in his upbringing. And as any parent knows, a 3-year-old is more than adept at getting his or her point across.

“We were in the car and I turned around and asked, 'Liam, do you know who Chris is?'" Parker recounts to GWK. “And he said, 'Yeah!' and he points to him. But then I said, 'But I'm your daddy, so who is Chris?' And Liam said 'Chris is dad!' It was a really awesome thing to hear."

The Traditional Route

But as unconventional as the start of their lives together may be, Chris and Parker (and Liam) are making a go — somewhat — at custom. Although legally married in a small ceremony earlier this year, a much larger matrimony “event" is planned for October in the dramatic setting of Nelson, one of Nevada's most panoramic ghost towns, for family and friends that missed the first go-around.

The festivities promise all the fixins', including Liam as ringbearer and Chris's father, who for all his Army-bred rigidity will nevertheless officiate (strict does not mean homophobic). Also present will be Ashley. This may sound awkward, not least because Chris was Parker's rebound-relationship after his split with her, but in fact the opposite is true.

“She and Chris get along very well," says Parker, “and she deserves someone who can be fully invested in her. She asked me if she could be at the wedding, and I said of course. I mean, she was a big part of my life, and I want everybody that's been a big part of my life to be there. She's Liam's mother."

It is that selfawareness, and the awareness for others, that gives a very strong impression that Parker and Chris's union is something more than a fickle affair of the youthful heart.

“Like I said, being married so quickly helps us in all of our aspects of everything do, decisions we make," says Chris. “We're married. We're going to do this together, we're a team, always looking out for each other's feelings. There's no escape, we're going to work through whatever comes."

“And I am so happy for Liam," adds Parker, “because he is going to have love from all kinds of people. From a very young age he will know how the world works and have an open mind to homosexuality and to split households and all this stuff. He's going to be very aware, and I couldn't be happier about it."

If happy parents make a happy child, maybe a little impetuosity to get the whole thing rolling isn't such a bad thing after all.

When we first found out that our second daughter was African American I froze. Not because of her race, but because I knew NOTHING about African American hair. So I frantically tried to learn as much as I could while she was a newborn so I was ready to style it when she was a little older.

I decided to launch our YouTube channel Nolapapa: Story of a Gay Dad to focus on this very topic! Episodes 1-5 will solely be dedicated to learning how to wash, care for and styling African American hair. Afterwards, the content will shift towards personal & family situations, adoption, gay parenting questions and other great content! I'd love your support and become part of our little village as we launch this new project!

In 2014, Richard Rothman's relationship of 15 years ended, leaving him understandably reluctant to jump back into the world of dating as a single gay dad. But after spending one too many Friday nights at home, he got a gentle nudge from somebody unexpected —his teenaged son, Jonathan.

"Dad," Jonathan said. "Would you just get out of the house and go on a date already?" (You may remember wise-beyond-his-years Jonathan from this post that went viral of a tattoo he got commemorating his adoption day.)

On his son's encouragement, Richard started dipping a tentative toe back into the dating pool. In 2015, he met Kevin thanks to mutual friends that introduced them via social media. It took four months before Richard introduced Kevin to his son, who was a Sophomore in high school at the time.

On New Year's Eve in 2017, Kevin proposed while the couple was vacationing in Palm Springs. The city has an outdoor festival every year, he explained, which the couple attended. The band Plain White T's happened to be performing their hit "Hey There Delilah" as Kevin got down on one knee and proposed. "Now whenever I hear that song it brings back memories of that night," Richard said.

Richard and Kevin married on March 30, 2019 back at the scene of the crime — in Palm Springs, at the Frederick Loewe Estate. Jonathan was Richard's best man, and also walked him down the aisle (awwww.....). Kevin's brother Bobby served as his best man.

"As so many wonderful moments continue to happen for us in Palm Springs, we now own a home there in addition to our primary residence in Bentonville, Arkansas," said Richard.

In November last year, Ottawa-based husbands Matt Ottaviani and Rej Gareau (whose story we shared in July) became first-time dads through surrogacy. They were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Andy and become a family of three.

But as many of us know, raising a child isn't always just about the nuclear family. The African proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" is a commonly repeated phrase, and rings very true for many families. Matt and Rej are no different, and when they shared their story last month, one thing jumped out to us: the important role Andy's guncles play in her and her dads' lives.

In honor of Gay Uncles Day today, we reached out to Andy's many guncles to learn first-hand how their relationship with the family affects their lives. Here's what they had to say.

My husband, Phil, and I talked about having children since out first date over 11 years ago. Like many other gay dads, we waited to start the journey to become parents until we felt secure with our careers, finances, and home life. This meant we didn't start the partnering journey until 2016 when we were eight years into our relationship.

When we first met, I was completing my graduate studies in social work and subsequently started a career working in foster care and adoption. This made our decision to pursue foster care-adoption as our path to parenthood a fairly easy one. In fact, I can't recall us discussing other avenues to parenthood, but I'm sure we briefly discussed them before solidifying our decision to become foster parents.

Guest post by Stephanie Haynes, the executive director of Philadelphia Family Pride

On Saturday, October 5, 2019, Philadelphia Family Pride will hold their 10th Annual Family Matters Conference from 9am to 3:30pm for LGBTQ parents, prospective parents and their kids of all ages at the University of the Sciences in West Philadelphia. The theme this year is "Telling Our Stories." Registration is now open!

In an interactive keynote, Anndee Hochman, author of the Philadelphia Inquirer's weekly "Parent Trip" column, will share highlights from her work as a journalist and memoirist. She'll invite conversation about the stories that shape us—what tales do we share? who does the telling? who is left out?—and how those stories, added up, are changing the world. Read her bio.

The homestudy is the first step in the adoption process. In every state the homestudy is done a little differently, but all of them have the some combo of paperwork, trainings, and interviews. The homestudy can take anywhere from 2 months to 6 months to complete. Without it, you cannot adopt.