Feel it Don’t Think it

I have been wonderfully engrossed in some fascinating conversations lately with people who are at varying stages of their relationship journey. Some are happy and content, what a joy ! Some are “bumbling along” and some are in the middle of a tricky separation and having to explain what’s going on to their partner and loved ones.

For those who are experiencing the pain of troubles in love, the explaining part is quite a challenge when you think about it, because it is feelings that we are trying to convey but on a platform of intellectuality, tinged with intended rationality so that others can try and understand. A difficult predicament ! How do you feel with words ? Is love a feeling or a word we use to describe it ? And if is a word then what is the feeling that comes so powerfully with it ? Chicken and egg.

I am observing a client at the moment who is breaking up from a very long term marriage on the grounds that “the certain thing” they once used to feel for their partner is no longer there. And when the injured party is looking for a rational explanation, how do you explain what is essentially a feeling that once was there and now isn’t ? But “feeling it” is the guiding force to a happier life, ultimately, although the pain of getting there can be enormous. It’s a mystery when feelings “just” change, but if we resist it, the discomfort persists. Is it destiny calling ? Who really knows but change is inherent in our world and at an incredibly past pace nowadays. Humanity is rapidly developing and living life by feelings tends to be the fashion. But what a wonderful fashion !

Although traditionally we believed men to be the ones who find it hard to express feelings, we are all human beings with the same physiological capacity to feel. Thankfully things are changing rapidly. Gender stereotypes and history dictate that women are generally the nurturer/carers with a built-in ability to really understand emotions, but in a partnership relating feelings are a critical part of good communication. When you explain how you feel, it is owned by you and you can’t be blamed or indeed blame, for just simply feeling a certain way.

Feelings are experienced on a physical level first as sensations, then our brain interprets into words what we feel. We are prone to react quickly when we feel intense emotions but how often do we really listen to our feeling centre, some may call it the heart centre and let it be our guide through life ? Would we be much happier if we did ? I know I am and try to more and more in daily life as well as in relationship with others.

I invite you to ponder this..your love relationship is your greatest teacher, of the self and your greatest potential for growth. Reflect for a moment on a current or previous relationship and ask yourself, have the emotional/feeling challenges helped you to really know yourself better ? I look back at my complex and varied portfolio of relationships and say a huge YES to that one ! Feelings help you connect more deeply within and therefore if “used” wisely can be the way to a happier and more fulfilled life.
The feeling centre or in spiritual terms, the soul, seems to be a huge guiding force propelling us forward despite protestations from the mind. The mind/heart balance is a critical one. What percentage would you say your mind and heart are in relation to the other ?

The mind is intrinsically linked with the interesting nature of the ego. Ego to many may mean, “I am better than you” but without ego we wouldn’t get up in the morning. We need a certain amount of ego to help us develop in life, but keeping it in check becomes a necessity as we move through life otherwise it will patrol the front line of the mind, sabotaging anything it doesn’t like. It can be the bad angel on your shoulder knocking lumps out of your self esteem and will try and push feelings out the way to get what it wants. The ego tends to push away feelings of discomfort and will happily make up stories about the past and the future to satisfy it’s own desires. If left unchecked, feelings and the mind/ego partnership can be unhappily divorced and the result is an inner split and deeper unhappiness and discontent. A war zone within then creates a war zone “without”.

Sounds funny to be analysing the “self” in such a detached way, but in educating yourself about how your feelings and mind work, could be the key to unlocking some of the blocks which prevent you from having healthy conscious relationships and true inner peace and contentment.

Who would you be if your feelings were to the leading light in your life ? The mind in balance, working along side the heart would be utopia if humanity were to get smart and be willing to change. To many however, this would be too scary for words, because the life they have created is based on the needs and desires of others and not what they feel instinctively. It takes a brave person to live life from the feeling centre.

But we must ask ourselves if we continue to live life with inner discontent because we are ignoring what we really feel, then are we going further away from the point of being here in the first place ? Earth is a school of continuous learning. Would you rather flunk out or be the best you can possibly be and gain the highest achievement…inner freedom and happiness ? Your choice. Let your feelings be the trail blazer in your life !

Hey Gina, this is another real GEM. Once again I was really taken by your literary genius :o)
You said we have feelings and then the brain interprets them. So True. But it also brought to mind the words of Byron Katie who says our feelings are preceded by some thought and believing the thoughts creates the feelings. Is this the chicken egg scenario?

really enjoyed this one very much, must be relevant to me on some way :o0