On Saturday night, Mrs. Obama will celebrate her 50th birthday (which falls on Friday) with dancing and sweets throughout the state floor of the White House, drawing the nation’s attention away from her husband, at least for an evening. Guests will sip fine American wines, consume delicate macarons and be entertained — the expectation is by Beyoncé.

It was a wonderful, humanizing piece:

She has perfected a mean forehand, is working on her yoga poses, dishes with girlfriends over brussels sprouts and dirty martinis (one olive)… Michelle Obama is in many ways the embodiment of the contemporary, urban, well-heeled middle-aged American woman. She likes to take “me time,”

explaining how she’s cobbled together an ordinary life for herself by doing ordinary things like shopping incognito at Target and going to the girls soccer games to chide fathers for not bringing an adequate supply of water to keep their wee ones properly hydrated.

This of course is not the kind of news that once constituted the New York Times lead story. It would seem that the old gray lady (the NYT, not MO) has turned into something of a ratings whore. Not unlike MO’s husband.

Yesterday Big Guy took to the stage again to explain his evolving position on the NSA spying on Americans. You may recall that he was against it before he was for it, as he explains here, in 2008, while running for his first historic presidency:

“I will provide our intelligence and law enforcement agencies with the tools they need to track and take out the terrorists without undermining our Constitution and our freedom.”

“That means no more illegal wiretapping of American citizens. No more national security letters to spy on citizens who are not suspected of a crime. No more tracking citizens who do nothing more than protest a misguided war. No more ignoring the law when it is inconvenient. That is not who we are.”

“No more ignoring the law when it is inconvenient. That is not who we are.” !?!

Let the record reflect that - as it turns out - that’s precisely who the Won-We’ve-Been-Waiting-For is. With pen and iPhone we not only ignore inconvenient laws, we now change them on a whim too. Butt that’s another story.

Getting back to BO’s much anticipated NSA speech on warrantless wiretapping: he threaded the needle so well that it’s unclear now whether he’s for it or against it. Or, as Ed Henry put it “ he stressed he’s heard all sides of the debate before deciding he’s not ready to decide.”

Not that the reviews were all negative; Charles Krauthammer called it “the best use of Obamas’s rhetorical powers of dazzling with very little content since the ‘08 campaign.” Saying that the well crafted speech was “90% smoke and mirrors.” (I disavow any participation in this old trick: as you know I’ve been at Sundance.)

Butt back to the NSA speech for just a minute. Everyone from Rand Paul:

"I think what I heard is that if you like your privacy you can keep it," Paul zinged on CNN following the president's address. Going after the president's reference to the Revolutionary War, he poked further: "Paul Revere was warning us that the British were coming, not that the Americans were coming."

In overhauling the nation’s spy programs, President Obama vowed on Friday that he “will end” the bulk telephone data program that has caused so much consternation — “as it currently exists.”

The caveat is important. Although Mr. Obama imposed some new conditions on the program, the National Security Agency, for the time being at least, will continue to maintain and tap into its vast catalog of telephone data of tens of millions of Americans until someone can think of another way to do the same thing.

seems to feel that Big Guy didn’t really say much of anything. I think everyone overlooked the most critical line in the speech however:

“the challenge is getting all the details right and that is not simple.”

At first I was HOPE-full, thinking that Big Guy had finally learned something from the whole Obamacare implementation fiasco. Butt in the next breath, he punted the details off to others, so I guess not.

Got to run: Have to hitch my ride back to D.C. from Sundance and make sure my batteries are completely recharged for tonight’s big “Sips and Chips with Obama’s Cripps” birthday party. Because as you may recall from our last inaugural after-party at the Big White, anything can happen. And it’s my job to make sure you only see what’s fit to print.

“President Obama (photographed hugging a guest at the party)and his wife Michelle hosted an extremely private star-studded after-party at the White House after the Inaugural.” (Photo: IBTimes)

After all, somebody has to do the job that the New York Times will no longer do.

Friday, January 17, 2014

“My preference is for peace and diplomacy, and this is one of the reasons why I’ve sent a message to Congress that now is not the time for us to impose new sanctions; now is the time for us to allow the diplomats and technical experts to do their work. We will be able to monitor and verify whether or not the interim agreement is being followed through on, and if it is not, we’ll be in a strong position to respond. But what we want to do is give diplomacy a chance and give peace a chance.”

It’s an interesting theory not yet proved anywhere in the world, butt apparently we’re going to try it one more time with Iran and keep our fingers crossed. Despite the fact thatIran has already declared victory.

I don’t think Harvey knows how it will work out either, butt that’s not going to stop him and Meryl Streep from making a movie (The Senator’s Wife) that will do to the NRA (and by proxy, the Second Amendment) what Jane Fonda and another scary movie did to the Nuclear power industry.

Scary movies: for those times when only fear will move your agenda forward.

Harvey is not an absolutist on the gun issue though; in fact, he once talked about doing another movie in which the Jews defended themselves during the Holocaust. So, as Emily Miller explained, his nuanced position is that “guns are necessary for self-defense, but only in other countries, during genocides and if the weapon is not personally owned.”

Since he’s a movie mogul who majored in film making, not history, who made his money by making films filled with guns and violence, he didn’t have much time to study history. So he probably forgot that the German government kept a national gun registry that made confiscation of the Jews guns relatively easy. I guess we’ll have to wait for the movie to see how the Jews defended themselves.

Big Guy is giving a speech later this morning explaining how we’re planning to replace the good guys’ (that’s us, so far) guns with advanced eavesdropping capabilities. Pretty sure I know how that movie ends. Anyway, he’s going to ask Congress to “deliberate on the appropriate boundaries” for the phone records collection. And if he doesn’t like their answer, he will employ hispen and phone negotiation strategy to dick-tate the correct path to action.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Since Lady M is back from her “me-time” with the girls and looking all “refreshed” and foxy – all without any of my special effects:

Since she’s doing so well without me I decided to hang out here at the Sundance Festival until I’m needed back at the Big White for “The Party” of the half-century this Saturday. So I took the opportunity to catch up on my email. Look at this fascinating message I found in my inbox:

Hi MOTUS, I thought you may be interested in this graphic that celebrates our fashionable First Lady Michelle Obama, in honor of her upcoming 50th birthday this week.

The dynamic infographic includes fashion highlights from Michelle's reign as FLOTUS so far, tributes to other stylish First Ladies that came before her, and easy steps the everyday woman can take to get Michelle's signature style for cheap.

My first thought of course was: have these people ever even visited my website? Obviously not. Butt nevertheless, they’ve put a lot of work into this effort and it occurred to me: could there be a better way to honor Lady M’s first, historic, mid-century birthday than to mark it with a retrospective of her historic frocks, boobbelts, squirt flowers, shower curtains and mini-me cardigans? I didn’t think so either. THEN, on top of all that, they threw in a “FLOTUS vs Ann Romney Throwdown,”!!! All of a sudden, this feature turned into a big f-ing deal!!!

Don’t quit ‘till you get to the very end, because following the “5 Steps to Get the Michelle Obama Look For Less” is my exclusive poll: “The Most Important Secret to Lady M's Signature Look Is.”

You’re gonna’ see all of the uh… ASSets that made Lady M the “Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ the whole planet had been waiting for! I’ve cut and cropped some of the more important parts of the pitch for you. Butt if you want to see the whole shebang, including the special effects,you can find it here. Just be sure to come back to vote!

I feel compelled to mention, this is legit - which is what makes it so special – as they say, you can’t make this stuff up. Well, unless you’re me.

The Intro:

The Evolution of a Fashion Icon and Busy Mom ™:

I really should have released my paper doll edition of these classics.

The Throwdown – Who will Win???:

Hint: the white wife lost

Lady M is Money in the Bank:

Can You Fill Lady M’s Shoes???:

Finally, 5 Steps to Get the Michelle Obama Look for Less:

(which is the whole point of the outletshoppers.com MO promotion)

And while all these retrospectives are nice, I just need to point out that we can’t rest on our past laurels.

Even Lady M has acknowledged that“she's always felt that her life is ‘ever-evolving’ and she doesn't have the right to ‘just sit on my talents or blessings.””

As we all know, MO has talents and blessings to spare

Butt credit where credit is due: the people who put this great piece together have sooo captured Lady M’s signature styles. Which one do you think is her primary signature look? Let’s find out:

…with the exception of Obamacare. Which highlights why community organizers should never be allowed to govern in the first place.

RULE 10: [Butt] “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.”

Need I say more?

RULE 11:“The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.” Never let the enemy score points because you’re caught without a solution to the problem.

…take Obamacare for example. After cramming it down everyone’s throat only to find out it isn’t working…well, change the rules! Push back the dates. Solve the problems with your Community Organizer in Chief pen.

RULE 12:Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.”

This one comes natural to anyone with community organizing potential:

make your opponents out to be incompetent:

evil:

stupid:

privileged, rich, white and heterosexual male:

The later, of course, being the worst thing you can possibly be. Because in the rhetoric of community organizing, which is all about rabble rousing and fomenting discontent among all of special identity groups, the rich white hetero guy is going to be on the wrong side on every issue.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings" – Lewis Carroll

Politics, politicians and little people: always a messy affair. Poor Valerie, she, of all people, should have known better. In case you somehow missed this international news-cycle squirrel, it seems French President François Hollande has been, how shall I put this – carrying on with a woman other than the one he has been shacking up with for the past few years.

That’s correct; François has been having an affair - while having an affair with Valarie Trierweiler. As I understand French custom, since Val’s been François’ main girl-friend since 2005 she was deemed the First Lady of France when Francois was elected. Or at least “First Girlfriend,” so you can see how this new squeeze (actress Julie Gayet) could throw a monkey wrench into her gig. I will note here that it is a tradition for French president to carry on illicit affairs, butt in the past they’ve all been married so their “scandals” did not threaten either the Republic or the First Lady.

Valerie, the “fragile” French First Lady-Friend, for now

Valarie, however, is not one of those stoic political ‘wives.” She had the vapors when she found out about the affair and has checked into a (private) hospital for a bad case of the “blues.” where she will apparently be spending the next few weeks.

Valarie, Valarie, Valarie. You are going about this all wrong. You should have phoned your BFF, Lady M.

American First Ladies have a lot of experience in this vein:

And as you know, she shares your disdain for your predecessor:

MO could have given you some much needed advice on what to do when your President strays off the ranch. There are much, much, better options than the nervous hospital. Maui, for example!

Take a few weeks with the girlfriends, walk the beach, dine in the finest restaurants, enjoy a few spa “treatments” (after all hon, 48 is starting to push the envelope - even if you are/were a fox), perhaps enjoy a drink or two to drown your sorrows: Mai Tai’s, Lemon Drops (Ha! that’s a good one!) or just a few good old Stoli’s straight up.

Bring it!

Yes, gal-pal Michelle could have helped out a lot. This First Lady stuff is no place for sissies, or amateurs.

And I really hate to bring this up, butt as I hinted at in the beginning, Valerie really shouldn’t have been blindsided by any of this. As the loyal opposition liked to say during the Clinton years: “if he cheated on his wife what makes you think he won’t cheat on you?” One of the truest of life’s aphorisms: “if they will lie to you, they’ll lie to anyone.” Why does everyone always disregard that inconvenient fact?

I must say though, it makes me wonder what was she thinking: I mean, most people trade up.

Henry Kissinger must have been right: power is the ultimate aphrodisiac

So what have we learned today boys and girls? To summarize: power corrupts, liars lie, cheaters cheat and absolute power corrupts, lies and cheats. And “that’s a fact Jack,” for both cabbages and kings.