Oh My Heroes! Review

Important note: When you read off the name of this game, you’re not supposed to say it with the wistful kind of sigh that you typically hear from maidens swooning over knights and lords. Rather, say it with a shocked gasp – like a princess who has watched her heroes descend to wanton acts of murder and chaos in the blink of an eye. It’s a better match for the game’s premise.

Oh My Heroes! is a side-scrolling battle arena that utilizes fantasy fighters like knights and rangers. You go up against dozens of live opponents in one of four multiplayer games and cut down as many as possible in the name of guts, glory, and crystals. See, magic crystals have rained down from the sky, each of which has the power to grant immortality. The mysterious invasion has caused heroes of all classes to abandon their morals and go to war over control of the crystals. Hence the “Oh my heroes!” lamentation.

For Glory and Crystals

There are four multiplayer arenas in Oh My Heroes!: Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch, Crystal Control, and Capture the Flag. Deathmatch and Team Deathmatch are exactly what they sound like: It’s you (and/or your team) against the other guys. Capture the Flag is a no-brainer, and Crystal Control is simply king of the hill, but with a struggle over a large crystal.

Oh My Heroes! lacks much in the way of originality, but that’s not its biggest problem. In fact, its well-worn gameplay would be perfectly acceptable if the experience was tight and polished. Oh My Heroes! is neither. Though the frenzied fights are fun at first (much like alliteration), it doesn’t take long before you hit snags.

Pitiful Mortals in the Presence of Gods

For starters, players are not matched up according to skill or level. It’s not uncommon for your lowly knight to be pitted against godlike warriors capable of felling you in one hit. When you die, you’re thrown back into the lobby for a ten-second wait before you’re allowed to respawn, which just adds to the frustration. What’s the point of playing if you’re going to hang around a waiting room for the majority of the match?

You can upgrade your fighter with crystals, which you win whenever you’re on the winning team in a fight. Be prepared for a lot of grinding, though: Upgrades are expensive, and the quantities of crystals you win are comparatively low. The solution? In-app purchases, of course. Sigh.

Janky Fights

But worse than the uninspired gameplay, worse than the mismatched teams, is Oh My Heroes’! technical issues. The game lags, freezes, crashes, and stalls. It’s hard enough to earn crystals without having the game boot you back to the map screen in the middle of a good match.

With a lot of tweaking and tightening-up, Oh My Heroes! could become a nifty little multiplayer title somewhere down the road. The appeal of swinging a little anime sword and cutting up other little heroes cannot be denied. For now, though, Oh My Heroes! has a lot of dings and dents to hammer out of its armor.