Hadley: Milt, you’re happily married and you’ve created a self-help program that helps married men change to please today’s woman. Tell us why single men should know the difference between sex objects and good partners before they choose a love match.

Milt: That’s a real big can of worms.

Hadley: The short version.

Milt: Today we have a cornucopia of choices that become clouded by internet access to porn. This changes how younger men look at women and relationships. I’m generalizing here, but men under 30 really don’t date anymore. They hook up.

The internet has opened door to instant access. Instant profiles. Instant information. Full pictures. Instagrams, where you can see the person’s entire body. This changed the dynamic of what young guys are looking for. So in a real way, younger single men are looking for sex objects today.

The media tells them that the Pamela Anderson type, the big breasted, sexy woman, is the ideal they should have.

Hadley: They may be looking for sex object for a hook up, but if they want a life partner for a long term relationship, they will have different criteria.

Milt: Absolutely. The idea is that when males are young, selfish and immature, their focus is on getting their own needs met. These young guys are focused on those Pamela Anderson, sex object types.
But the reality is, that’s not normal sex, what happens in those pornos. And relationships can’t be built on those sex techniques. Nothing is ever developed from that.

Instead of giving hard core advice in my book and pointing a finger didactically at these poor guys, I flip it over and I show where our buffoonish, selfish behavior is not the meeting ground for a good relationship.

I point the funny finger at male behavior, so that even the dunces can see that constantly focusing on your own gratification is not the way to connect nor have a satisfying relationship with a woman long term.

Hadley: What’s a smarter strategy?

Milt: The way to go about it is to learn about women, to learn what women want, to attempt to step out of our selfishness and ego-based reactions to everything.

In fact, my book is a manual for learning how to become devoted to a woman. That’s absent in man’s make up. We’ve had centuries of everything revolves around us. This is a new world today.

The feminist revolution helped women step out and have their careers, having homes, having multiple lovers, being able to date many men. We guys have not had a good response to this, especially the young guys, who are mind polluted by porn, internet access and so much of modern hip hop music where the emphasis is on hose, the B word and dominating women.

Hadley: Let’s talk about alternatives to all these reasons men can’t find love. In your book, you use humor to show men how to focus on women’s need instead of their own, and how high they must jump to please women.

How does this work in a marriage? How does marriage kill romance? How can couples keep the spark alive?

Get the answers in the next highlights of my radio conversation for A Lasting Love with R. Milton Quibner.