Category Archives: Philosophy

What is the purpose of our existence if we can’t be true to ourselves?! Are we created to be made – or just to be?

The answers have always been simple, it’s the quest that determines our strength and persistence. It takes courage to remain loyal to yourself and avoid man-made distortions. Living in the Middle-east is uneasy and being a female who happened to be different makes it worse. Choosing to be true to yourself is SUICIDAL.

Over time everything changes. You get to learn that traditions are volatile. Self-discovery is essential, challenging society and questioning dogma are the noblest acts. Nevertheless, it is not an easy journey. The cattle will stand out to you, vilify and attack you. They will delude you to believe that there is no choice and that we are merely owned. The path to enlightenment is loaded with thorns, but what is bliss if not for the struggle.

We rant and whine “Life is cruel” but life has disowned us long ago. Life is not to blame, it’s what we made out of life.

They established laws to mold societies and shape future. It is your choice, will you lose yourself to conformity or seize your liberty?

Limits are an illusion, our strength is infinite and freedom lies in resistance.

I wanted to call my piece “born in Egypt” but I found “made in Egypt” more appropriate, eventually in this country we are more of “made” NOT “born”; born suggests living with free will and free will is the mother of sins where I come from.

Usually I end every year with positive thoughts and bright new year resolution, but who am I fooling, we all survive here with a manual of terms and conditions…. and once you decide to oppose the herd, you become a misfit like me.

Let me introduce the external shell, on a professional level I am doing pretty well and thankfully, my lifetime war with family and society ended up with victory. But the price of where I am and who I am was/remains unbearable, for I decided to be my true self and speak out loud in a country that despises freedom, let alone a woman who speaks of freedom.

I am angry.

I am full of rage, I can no longer handle the way this society perceives me. I am tired of explaining and expressing that I might be human after all. I am severely sick from hearing “Rana, regardless of your eccentricity and odd thoughts, you are good – genuine -trustworthy and supportive.” these statements don’t make me feel proud, it suffocates me, it’s like a razor blade piercing each and every ounce of hope that I create from shattered pieces to hold on, survive…. Breathe.

I am dissapointed

Once upon a time there was a revolution, we all had hope, we live in an utopic delusion – we sensed euphoria and we failed to understand that it’s just momentarily.

Our hopes and dreams faded because of everything we failed to understand. Not only an oppressive rooted regime – but our corrupt morals, fragile ethics and HYPOCRISY.

How did we manage to fool ourselves? Change? Freedom? Are you kidding me? How could we expect change when we barley face ourselves with our misfortunes. When we breath hypocrisy, when we betray everyone even ourselves on daily bases?

How could you speak of freedom when you still believe that atheists, agnostics etc. should be sentenced to death? What part of the word “freedom” allows you to harass me just because I am different, how could you speak of human rights when you insult, hurt, mislead dozens of people for nothing other than personal reason rooted in your distort mind.

How am I writing all of this while I hurt many people along the way due to the circus in my mind and the traumas I can’t defeat yet. I might have not hurt anyone “intentionally” but I did by every mean during the war with myself. I am as corrupt…

I am numb

I have lost touch with my feelings, 2015 is such an enlightenment. I got to see the raw ugly image of my society, my people… I wonder why am I surprised? Am I that naive?

However, being numb is pretty useful my friends. I don’t get shocked from daily sexual and verbal harassment anymore, I just live with it – After all, I am an Egyptian pierced and tattooed, I am definitely asking for it, if I was a foreigner then I wouldn’t be asking for this but being Egyptian and different equates and invitation for everyone to occupy my body or at least pierce my brain… What’s the big deal anyway?

Someone told me few days ago that I “escape” from my emotions and I runaway from feelings… Seriously! Why is it hard to absorb my numbness… Live with it, I am not there….

If you live in a country where people resist Police and military abuse and torture but they don’t have the guts to speak of domestic violence and child abuse. What change are you expecting?

If you live in a country where many people would fight sexual harassment but wouldn’t dare to open topics like incest and parental abuse. How can we forge change?

If we live in a country where people still consider parenthood as a sacred institution and domestic violence is god given right, how the fuck will we change anything?

If we are living in a country where men are granted to fool around and cheat while women would be tortured to death in the name of honor. Will we ever witness critical change?

Bottom line

“There can’t be large scale revolution until there’s a revolution on an individual level”

”Am I intertwining with my worst demon, or its just the voices in my head” She whispered.

The war burst off, as his spark encountered her existence. She is everything he used to be, he is everything she is, her present is everything he wanted to be, his present is her worst fear. Their reunion is unbearable, yet addictive. The walls she struggles to build become unsustainable, and for him it didn’t even exist to start with. It all feels wrong, chaotic and insane, regardless, the euphoria that captured her senses is irresistible.

Behind the virtual wall he gazed in her deep eyes, trying to dive deep onto her soul, for his hidden gift has always been the key to catch his new prey. However, this moment it wasn’t like before, seemingly, she was nothing but a reflection for a hidden part of him. She lived in an iron shield, a forbidden place for everyone who encountered her path.

A smooth shiver occupied her senses, as they lied close. In his eyes, she saw her pretty self. She was aware of her beauty, but through his eyes, she was a goddess. Together aligned, in a hollow circle, and virtual eternity.

I don’t know where to start…. Unlike many people in the universe, your existence concerns me. I am confused about the main reason of my curiosity, maybe the spiritual side of me distracts my thoughts, or maybe I cannot afford getting disappointed if after life ends up to be a lie… We live our lives without a real target, we are humans, we never get fully satisfied.

As you know religions became a tool to categorize people, I wonder why did you create all these religions; the ones who are considered to be holy and the new age religions-not to mention the pagan religions. The current life does not make any sense, I keep seeking for a solution to the chaotic universe; where people crave for immortality and claim to be humane. We are not saints, yet it confuses me how people cease to justify their lustful sins. Are we meant to survive for lust? Are we meant to ignore instinct to be so-called purified?!

The funny truth is that those who are genuinely purified, those who stand for mere humane morals; are the ones who suffer. The young die for beliefs & the ugly old elites control everything. Your world is contradictive, A spot for hunger and a spot for unjustified greed. A child is raped, and a stripper is respected (Dare to watch but never touch).

Disasters don’t surprise me anymore, the universe became explicit. Minority seeks a real change, but who will guarantee that the minority will remain true to themselves. Can you guarantee that spotlights and fame won’t change them, can you guarantee that the oppressed won’t be dictators.

I am scared to believe in your existence, because if I do; I won’t find answers to these questions. It does not matter anyway, because the only truth I know is that whether you exist or not, something is extremely wrong with this world…..