You don’t have to live marked by sexual abuse.

Healing is possible. I’ve walked the journey. And I want to see you find raucous, wild healing, to be set free from what has tormented you. I want you to hold this book in your hands, read its message of hope, and walk your own freedom path.

Overview

Call a truce on the effects of sexual abuse. I didn’t do this.

For far too many years. I resigned myself to let the rapes from the past mess with my head and heart. Flashbacks invaded my sleep. I startled far too easily. Sex within marriage became scary and complicated. I often wondered if I’d ever be normal. I even disconnected from those I loved the most.

The mark that sexual abuse gave me felt indelible, permanently inked with a Sharpie pen. And no matter of scrubbing erased it. (Have you ever felt this way?)

But they didn’t erase.

The pathway to healing came when I realized I needed to face the past again, to choose to heal for my sake and for the sake of those who loved me. I desperately needed freedom. Have you had this same ache?

You are not alone. Not Marked is my way of coming alongside you, cheering you toward a new, new life.

Not Marked will help you:

Find the courage to share your story—maybe for the first time.

Stop comparing your brokenness to others’ wholeness.

Understand the specific way God designed you to heal.

Identify safe people to entrust your healing journey to.

Embrace utter honestly about your abuse, even if that means anger toward God.

The Author

Mary DeMuth is an author and speaker who loves to help people live uncaged, unmarked lives. As a five-year-old, she was repeatedly raped by neighborhood bullies and has spent many years processing and healing from that violation.

She’s the author of sixteen books, including six novels and her critically acclaimed memoir, Thin Places. After church planting in Southern France, Mary, her husband Patrick, and their three young adult kids now live in the burbs of Dallas.

She writes Not Marked with Patrick who has graciously and patiently walked alongside her as she healed from the scars of abuse. He’s a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and pastors a Life Group at Lakepointe Church.

I wish I could say that sexual abuse only affected me, but the truth is, other people are hurt because we’ve been hurt. It’s so not fair, but it’s reality.

That’s why I felt it extremely important to add Patrick’s voice to this project. After every chapter, he shares his perspective as the spouse of a victim, how he coped, what he did right and wrong, and how we healed together.

Not Marked is for those who have been exploited, but it’s also for those who want to help loved ones who can’t seem to get beyond their painful memories of sexual abuse.

Endorsements

Sarah Bessey

author of Jesus Feminist

"There is no one I trust more than Mary to come alongside those wounded by sexual abuse and then, with gentleness and compassion and strength, breathe hope and healing into their souls. Mary knows her stuff, absolutely, but what sets her apart is her deep love for Jesus, and her faith-filled commitment to seeing wholeness and healing become a reality for people who have suffered from sexual abuse. This book will bring healing and hope to so many."

Jennie Allen

Author of Anything

"Mary's bravery is essential in a day when 1 in 4 women have suffered abuse. This project was not optional, it was a calling and God will use it to heal many women, who feel alone."

Jeff Goins

Author of The In-Between: Embracing the Tension Between Now and the Next Big Thing

"Silence and shame are nobody's friends. This book is many things, including a brutal but beautiful account of one woman's path to healing. But for me, it's a reminder to open my mouth. Thank you, Mary, for going first — for speaking up on behalf of those whose voices need to be heard."

Carolyn Sidereas

Ms,LPC-S, Director of Lake Pointe Church Counseling, Rockwall, Texas

"Mary has written a courageous book about her journey healing from sexual abuse. She is raw, authentic, and encouraging. Anyone who is a survivor of sexual abuse will not feel alone but will relate to so many of Mary and Patrick's struggles. You can hear her hope and the truth about God's presence in healing. You will be touched by her strength and fierce grip on God's steadfast hand, to overcome and replace the lies of the enemy with God's truth and love. "

Frank Viola

Author of God's Favorite Place on Earth

"A brutally candid but elegant unveiling penned by one of today's foremost Christian authors. If you've suffered any kind of abuse in life, Mary's superb new book will lead you by the hand to the world's greatest Healer who knows exactly how to restore your heart and set you free from guilt, shame, and bitterness."

"As a counselor it's often difficult to ask someone to walk the painful path to healing from childhood sexual abuse. I know it's the path to freedom, but the journey often feels lonely and frightening. Thanks to Mary DeMuth's wise and courageous book I can say to a client, 'Read this and you won't feel so alone. Mary has a map and she will make the trip with you.'"

Sundi Jo Graham

Speaker, Author, and Founder of Esther's House of Redemption

"Divinely inspired words that will heal your heart, give you the steps to be redeemed from your past, and offer you hope. You can't read this book and walk away unchanged."

Lisa Whittle

Author of Whole

"I find Not Marked to be a most powerful read. Mary DeMuth, an in-the-trenches-with-you author, comes with a fractured past, yet the healing she has found since is what covers the pages. I love the idea that broken people will read this book and find community. I love, most, that they will read it and find hope."

Amy K Sorrells

Author of How Sweet the Sound

"A raw and brave sojourn into the difficult--but possible--work of healing from childhood sexual abuse, Not Marked should be a top resource on counselor and pastoral shelves, as well as in the homes of survivors. A welcome, no holds barred, Christian perspective into the realities survivors face on the road toward discovering hope and freedom."

"Not sure you can (or want to) trust your ‘marked’ heart, body, soul, and story to yet one more, perhaps, unknown author? If so, let me encourage you to turn or scroll your way to ‘Appendix One: Answers.’ Read and discover for yourself the heart and bold intentionality of honesty which Mary brings to the page for your good. This, coupled with the interspersed observations of her husband, makes for a powerfully written instrument of ‘Not Marked’ change."

Dan King

speaker and co-author of Activist Faith: From Him and For Him

"Just. Wow. This it a brave work that does more than merely bringing a candle into the darkness. Rather it brings a 100,000 lumens spotlight in and demands that we see the issue of sexual abuse in plain daylight. Better yet, it shines on the healing and hope that can be found in a Christ whose heart breaks at the pain suffered by so many victims. I applaud Mary for using her story and experience to bring the same redemption for others."

"One of the things I esteem in Mary DeMuth is the generosity with which she shares her story. 2 Corinthians tells us, after we've received comfort from God in our own dark journeys and come out on the other side, we — in the same way this God of comfort comforted us — can then comfort others who struggle under their own weight of pain. Not Marked is Mary's gift of encouragement to you; a result of Mary experiencing, first-hand, a brand new freedom in Christ."

Christy Tennant Krispin

Writer/Actor/Musician

"Mary DeMuth has guts. This book took a great amount of courage and surrender to write, and by her example of bold honesty, Mary is giving others permission to tell their own stories of abuse. But she is also holding up a torch to light the path to healing, as she demonstrates that the trauma of abuse is not the end of the story. There is healing in the love of Jesus, and, having experienced it bit by bit over years of walking in the light of that love, it is as if she is now taking each reader by the hand and guiding them to Him, so that they may be healed as well."

Andy Traub

Author and Podcaster

"It's so difficult to hear about how my friend Mary was abused and victimized, but I'm so grateful Mary wrote this book. It is a tool for those who have been abused, but it's also a tool for people like me who want to help friends but don't know how. Mary's husband's contribution to this book is particularly important for spouses of victims. I was moved by his words as much as I was moved by hers."

"Your story is not over. The chances are you know someone whose sense of worth has been stolen by senseless sexual acts. Maybe it's happened to you. If you were the one hurt, know that you are not alone. Not Marked is Mary's story. Like far too many of you, she's been hurt badly. She's been to those dark places and struggled to find healing for years. It was a journey. It took a long time. But she found healing. Her story wasn't over yet."

Jeanne Damoff

Author and Speaker

"Mary DeMuth’s book, Not Marked, is a gift to anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, especially those who’ve suffered alone, silenced by fear or shame. It’s an invitation to hear and be heard. A doorway to real change. Mary’s openness about her own relentless, ongoing pursuit of healing encourages others to bravely face their past, to give and receive forgiveness, and to press on toward a hopeful and beautiful future. Boldly practical, gut-wrenchingly honest, and drenched with soul-refreshing empathy, Not Marked faces thorny questions head on and exposes lies, thereby stripping them of their power.

Mary’s advice regarding sexual intimacy in marriage is applicable even for those who haven’t suffered abuse, and her hard-won wisdom is underscored and enhanced by husband Patrick’s helpful insights, as he honestly shares the struggles and responsibilities of a sex-abuse victim’s spouse. Their journey as a couple reveals an important truth: Darkness flees before light, but first we have to let the light in, and that means revisiting the dark places. The good news? We don’t go alone. Jesus goes with us, and He not only reveals and redefines reality, He redeems it, beautifying even the deepest scars.

This book is a road map to restoration and real joy. I hope it finds its way into the hands of those who need it, and I pray the Healer meets them on the pages."

Discover How Sexual Abuse Has Impacted
You

Sexual abuse has far reaching impact in our lives, often years and years later. My hope in sharing this quiz is to help you identify possible ways it has hurt you, not so you feel marked and marred, but so you can understand the new places God wants you to heal. Feel free to use this quiz as a guide in the following ways:

Use it as a prayer list for yourself, or to share with a friend. The power of prayer is tangible, and having something concrete like this will help you (and others) pray intelligently for your healing.

Share it with a friend or spouse who has expressed interest in helping you. This will open their eyes to how they can specifically come alongside you.

Take this list to your counselor as a starting off point as you pursue healing.

Tuck it away and take the quiz again in a year to see how much you’ve grown.

I pray this quiz will be eye opening and helpful to you as you tenaciously pursue healing.