Tag Archives: compassion

What does the holiday season mean to you? Does it mean too much hustle, too much spending and way too busy? If it does I think you may have become disconnected from the true meaning and value of the holiday season.

The Spirit of Christmas is supposed to carry so much more than just how much you’re hoping to get or how much you’ve given. The holidays should be a source of happiness, the time to connect with the people you may not see so much during the year, to celebrate with those you love and cherish and remember those that are no longer here with you. It is the family traditions from the holidays that keep us rooted within our heritage, connected to our past, remain active in our present and are carried into our future.

For me it’s not just the 12 days of Christmas but rather my 6 most cherished spirits of Christmas:

Family

Friends

Gratitude

Compassion

Giving

Sharing

I think it’s important to embrace these spirits all year long but I find for myself that they become heightened during the holiday season. It starts with the music and lights and I know many don’t want it but I love the addition of snow because it makes the holiday that much more magical, everything sparkles so much more with the backdrop of beautiful white snowflakes. It takes the season in the direction that the best stories of Christmas have come from, like sledding down the hills.

There is so much creativity that comes from everyone during this time, not just with their lights but food and crafts too, not everything needs to be bought the best creations are those that are made from a pure place of love. I think probably everyone has at least one but probably more arts and crafts from their children displayed somewhere within their decorative décor and likely well past the years when their kids originally made it because it has become part of the tradition.

My traditions? The entire family stuffing themselves until they feel too full to eat another bite, listening and/or singing the songs, kids running around creating all sorts of havoc, laughing and being crazy. It’s all about visiting and sharing good food, good drinks and good conversation with good company and if there is someone new to include into the festivities, even better because there is always room for new friends.

I know the holiday season doesn’t provide everyone with the warmth and joy that it does for me and I believe that the spirits of compassion and giving become even more important to share with those you encounter that aren’t feeling the love. It doesn’t take a huge gesture to share the season, sometimes the smallest acts carry the biggest weight.

Compassion and empathy are not overrated but there is only so much you can do for someone and where the direction of their life goes depends solely on them even, it’s called “free will” and it’s everyone’s right to choose.

It’s noble to want to help another but sometimes is more noble to allow someone the same freedom that you have to make your own decisions and to ask for assistance if they want it. I think we have all, at one time or another, felt that we knew what was better for someone we care about so much so that we take the task to heart of trying to show them the way or help out. The truth is though that “the way” is really up to them and if you find yourself in this situation, like I have many times, the best solution is to step back and let them live their own life. It’s not easy, believe me I know, especially when your empathy compass is going overboard taking on their feelings of either helplessness or despair.

If you are strongly predisposed to helping others you may find that even if you are successful you could be draining yourself. Your emotional well-being could be depleted causing the other components of your well-being to become unbalanced and when you become unbalanced you are of no assistance to anyone.

I know the almost euphoric feeling of making someone feel better, it is truly inspiring but keep in mind the feeling that also follows when you accomplish something you didn’t think you could do. As much as you want to help someone you are denying them that sense of accomplishment of overcoming a challenge they didn’t think they could, I think that feeling is even more monumental and of course will affect them much more deeply.

I don’t mind constructive criticism, I always like to hear different thought processes and to have the opportunity to invite new ways of thinking into my awareness but I know that I don’t like being told what to do and that could be the resistance you may experience when you try to over-assist in someone else’s life. Sometimes we don’t necessarily look for someone else to run our lives or assist and it’s just a matter of being the sounding board that they have to vent to without judgement. Not everything requires action on my part and learning to recognize when I’m trying to show someone “the way” is an evolving lesson for me that I don’t think I’ve quite nailed down yet. Work in progress, I can accept that.

I think the biggest lesson for me is learning to step back and know when to live and let live. If someone needs my help I have to allow them the opportunity to ask, if I offer it and they don’t accept, I have to learn to accept that. Not everything is meant to be changed, everyone has their own lessons, who am I to challenge what the universe has set out for each of us. I can continue to have compassion and empathy for others but when it starts to affect my life in a negative way that is an indication for me to recognize that it is their journey not mine.

There are many reasons why certain lives go a certain direction and why some people choose not to change it and I’ve learned that even though I think I know best, I really don’t.

Like Kenny Rogers says, you’ve got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.

It’s a good theory for me to pay attention to, to remember and to live by. As much as I may want to see everyone living what I think is a joyful, happy and enriched life, it doesn’t mean that I know what that is for everyone. There isn’t a “one size fits all” when it comes to a blessed life.

I was watching the “Anderson” daytime talk show one day and there was two young women as guests that had had very difficult challenges in their lives from an early age and they had the wisdom to recognize that even though their challenges were hard there were others that had had it worse. Both of them had been through much counselling and therapy and in one of their group therapy sessions the therapist had had them, with the group, create a circle and put their problems (discuss them) in the center and said that at the end they would probably all be quite happy to pick their own back up and walk away with it and they had said they agreed. They would much rather walk away with their own issues than pick up another’s, sometimes as terrible as we think our problems are they are familiar and we know how to live in them.

I think everyone, no matter what their age, can teach us something and the best thing we can do sometimes is to just listen, sometimes that is of more help than you realize. Not everything requires a grand scale of assistance, sometimes simplicity is much more helpful.

I was given a fabulous concept from a very good friend of mine for a great topic this week! The concept is creating an analogy between our life journeys and a favorite dessert and all the ingredients and layers create our own recipe for personal success, whatever that may be.

Much like the ingredients in any dessert, depending on which one you choose, there are usually layers and levels of design. I’ve chosen Banana Cream Pie because it would contain a good level of ingredients to create this analogy.

Banana Cream Pie:

3 cups of Love

2 cups of Integrity

2 cups of Pride

1 cup of Self-Respect

1 cup of Respect for others

1 cup of Positive Attitude

½ cup of Compassion

½ cup of Empathy

3 tablespoons of Confidence

3 tablespoons of Determination

3 tablespoons of Courage

A dash of Assertiveness

12 ounces of water for personal wellness

Frosting: The Law of Attraction

1 cup of Intention

1 cup of Faith

1 cup of Appreciation

1 cup of Gratitude

Directions:

Mix all ingredients together until they are well blended and you are feeling content. I was going to add an ingredient to enhance humility but I believe that the emotion of remaining humble would be experienced as a result of living life through Banana Cream Pie.

Serve it to anyone and everyone you so desire and utilize the ingredients to your fullest potential.

I realize that the amounts of all the ingredients I have contained in this recipe are quite excessive but it is a global pie meant to feed the souls of as many as possible. The frosting is also excessive but it is the Law of Attraction, and that’s exactly where you want to get really excessive in your vision and life. You will attract exactly what you think and believe!

This is a topic that came to me late in the day today and not for any specific reason but I started thinking about my place in this world and what I wanted it to be. I know I want to make a difference, have a positive impact and hopefully leave this world with at least one, but hopefully a few more than that, lives changed for the better.

I believe that Integrity is at the top of the rung, if your word doesn’t mean anything you’re not going to have many people that trust you with important parts of their life. For me it’s the important parts of mine and other’s lives that connect us to each other. Everything you do has either a direct or indirect effect on those around you and I find it to be an important factor in everything that I do. It also shows your consideration and respect for those people and there’s no greater gift you can give them than that. I’ve found that my deepest connections with others have been rooted in either one or many shared experiences. It’s these shared experiences that validate both our thoughts and feelings on any given situation and help us to understand that we are not alone or off the wall in how something or someone affects us.

Remember this: People are only as important to you as you make them feel.

Our feelings and emotions drive everything we do and when we feel hurt or betrayed emotionally then our reaction can be to either disconnect or shut down all together from that source of hurt. As well it can emotionally stunt us from any growth we are meant to experience. Our feelings and emotions are very strong and unless you are able to tune them out or control them ( I’m not ) then you either have to deal and move on or you become stuck.

There is no doubt in my mind that becoming stuck is not an option for me. I choose to deal and move on, not only for myself but so that I don’t pass on this negativity to anyone else in my life.

My favorite method is to write it out and I want to encourage anyone and everyone out there to try this, it’s been extremely successful and healing for me. I’m sure anyone who’s ever written an email or letter to someone has written it and then re-read it, made adjustments, read it again, maybe make another adjustment and then send. I think the reason we make the adjustments is so something doesn’t come off sounding bad ( that’s our consideration and respect ).

Imagine this, you write out your letter to someone, something or even an organization giving it your all and getting everything off your chest, leaving nothing unsaid.

Don’t actually send it!

Every time and I do mean every time I’ve done this I’ve felt better after and it’s because I got to put in my 2 cents about how something made me feel and once I’ve done that it’s released from weighing on my mind and emotions. This is my therapy, my release and my way to keep myself sane and prevent that negative cycle from continuing. It’s like my own little personal assertiveness training and it helps me to draw my line in the sand without losing my own dignity or integrity.

The main thing I’ve got that is entirely in my control is my Integrity – my respect, my consideration, my compassion and my empathy for not only myself but for others. My word definitely means something!

It can be so difficult to maintain the energy needed to deflect negativity if you have to deal with such behaviours on a daily basis or on any basis. When negativity comes into our space it doesn’t just thrust the negativity at us but sometimes it takes up residence for a day or two within us. It’s hard to determine how it’s going to affect us because that all depends on our current disposition. If you are stressed or overwhelmed you are already in a vulnerable position.

It’s a similar feeling to being tired and run down and someone with a cold comes near you, it’s harder to fight off those germs then if you were well rested and feeling strong.

It can be difficult to rally up a positive state of mind and being when you’re at this point but it is so important for your health, mind, body and spirit.

In addition to journaling I also talk with my closest friends that I trust when I feel at odds with either someone or a circumstance that I feel helpless in and they do the same with me.

When I feel I can’t find the answers I need or I feel the urge for a little extra boost of inspiration I always find it within my friends. I don’t think they always know how they’ve helped but sometimes it takes that one moment of understanding or those compassionate words of wisdom in their own special way and they’ve set me off in an entirely new and positive direction.

As single moms, as women, we need our girlfriends to keep us sane, to keep us grounded, and to keep us real. If you’ve got great friends there isn’t anything you can’t battle, overcome or defeat.