Even though all her songs sound alike and her celebrity has the bad reputation of being cynically (though not uniquely) manufactured, I am a sucker for Lana Del Rey. She's what I listen to when I go into my private dark place: sometimes when I feel particularly swoony, I get in bed and play her EP on loop while thinking about boys. Don't even get me started on her videos, which are so addictive and yet totally corrosive to my sense of independence and self-worth. I'm like a hard-core Lana Del Rey addict: I can't stop using, and I hate myself for it.

Luckily, her "Bel Air" video does not even sort of do it for me. When I watch it, instead of thinking about shattering, self-annihilating love, I think about … I don't even know. Nothing. About like, how I'm not sure what grain you harvest to get couscous. I have never felt so great about being numb to something.