Television * Pendleton Ward * Awkward Teen-Pocalypse * 2013

This one is a long time coming, for two main reasons. The first is Adventure Time articles take the longest to prepare. They tend to exceed 4,000 words, which is a touch beyond the scope of what I’m trying to do with bi-weekly entries and all. The second is that the second half of season five veers sharply into some extremely awkward territory, and I’m one of these people who have trouble dealing with that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ve got the awkward-empathy gene which makes watching shows like The Office a slow, psychological torture. The main arc of the back half of season five is Finn being a teenage boy fucking up his first relationship. As always, Adventure Time plays it straight. Strip away all the fantastical elements, and at heart the show is an honest look about growing up. Finn has cobbled together a sort-of functional family, despite being orphaned twice over, and up to this point has led something of a charmed life. All that comes crashing to a halt here. Because Adventure Time is honest, it allows that actions have consequences. As such, Finn can fail. And he does.

There has been some backlash against this aspect of the show, and I understand. Starting with Finn’s difficulties with girls, the show veers into much darker territory than it has in the past. Season six is actually kind of harsh (when it’s not into the weeds with the navel-gazing). These complaints are generally a variation of “I liked it better when they were just having adventures,” and that’s a fine and valid opinion. But it’s also wrong and stupid. The reason Adventure Time is better than pretty much anything else is because it can do more than one thing. There are episodes even amongst the darkness which hearken to lighter times. One of my all-time favorite episodes is here, all mixed up with episodes which delve into the lore of Ooo, character-based episodes that explore personal history, one-off goofs about kitties, and the aforementioned awkward episodes that I rarely bring myself to watch. The season ends with a two-part art installation, and another cliff-hanger which leads into the dim twilight of season six.

Um….

Jake Suit

There’s not a ton to say about this one, other than it’s pretty fun and there’s some not-so-subtle allusions to Jake’s scrotum. The Jake Suit is a device that comes back a few times over the course of the show, so it’s worthwhile seeing what it can do. Finn and Jake are very brotherly (by which I mean overly competitive and dumb) here, and there’s a cute aside with Flame Princess and her family.

Be More

Everybody loves BMO. He was scientifically designed for maximum cuteness and lovability, and if you don’t succumb you’re an inhuman monster. Yet, where did BMO come from? This episode answers that, kind of. Turns out, BMO was created in a vast MO factory, and he is only one variety of robot from hundreds. Or at least 26. This episode is filled with all manner of adorable tiny robots and for that reason alone is great.

So many tiny adorable robots.

Sky Witch

This is one of my favorite episodes of the season, mostly because I’m shamelessly in cartoon-love with Princess Bubblegum and I enjoy any opportunity to learn more about her character and her relationships, especially her history with Marceline. Anyway, Marceline approaches her old friend for help in retrieving an object of great importance. By which I mean Hambo, Marceline’s old teddy bear. Off they go, and most of the episode is watching these two strong personalities conflict and interact. It’s a rare glimpse of PB in casual mode, gossiping with an equal rather than laboring under the full mantle of her responsibility. The actual plot here is also important later on in the series, as both Hambo and the antagonist (Maya the Sky Witch) return with roles to play.

Hello, friend.

Frost and Fire

Shit, here we go. This is the episode where it all starts going sideways for poor Finn. To be fair, he mostly brings it on himself in a rare instance of selfish douchery. To be even more fair, most of this blame can be placed squarely on puberty. As we’ve seen, Finn actually ages over the course of the series. Way back in season one, he was a hyperactive twelve year old boy doing silly things. By now, he’s fifteen, and while he’s still hyperactive and doing silly things, he’s also coming to terms with encroaching adulthood. In this episode, Finn does a shitty thing because he’s a horny 15 year old who has discovered his first kink. This is to say, Adventure Time lays a lot of thinly veiled sex metaphors on us and we get some uncomfortable close-ups of what I presume to be Finn’s O-face. It turns out that Finn is turned on by his girlfriend kicking ass. This is completely and totally understandable, as there is nothing hotter. The problem isn’t this, but with Finn’s inability to be honest about his (filthy, filthy) thoughts with Flame Princess. Instead of saying “ayy, girrrl, it really spins my fan when you get righteously violent,” he manipulates her into constantly fighting the Ice King. Again, just to be clear, so he can get off. This is a sex episode. This quickly spins out of his control, although he had little or no guidance in this aspect. The Cosmic Owl shows up, is overly mysterious, and complicates Finn’s process. Jake, misreading the situation, doesn’t help at all. So Finn is allowed to fully fuck himself, and as a result Flame Princess dumps him. It’s harsh and uncompromising, and Finn’s heartbreak is palpable.

At least the fight scenes look cool.

Too Old

Finn deals with the breakup poorly. As we’ll see, it takes a long, long time for him to actually get over FP and move on, but his first instinct is to stay positive. He’s Finn. That’s what he does. So his gross, 15-year-old boy-brain’s idea of staying positive is to forget Flame Princess and hit the playing field immediately. His bright idea is to make another attempt at hooking up with PB. This is, obviously, a terrible idea, and it makes for an unbearably uncomfortable episode. The title is a direct callback to an early episode in which Princess Bubblegum reverts in age so that she and Finn are both thirteen. Things go swimmingly then, until PB has to grow up and assume her responsibilities again. In this episode, Finn chooses an entirely inappropriate time and place to rekindle those old memories. PB and Finn are an envoy to Lemongrab Castle, which is getting weirder and more totalitarian by the day. Bubblegum is there on serious business, Finn is ignoring all that because he’s all fucked up about Flame Princess and refuses to acknowledge it, and their interactions are painful. Finn comes off as pathetic and transparent, and PB is obviously a grown-ass woman and way out of his league. Oh, and this is also the introduction of Lemonhope, who is a little lemon prodigy that PB rescues from Lemongrab’s clutches.

If you actually go to kingofooo.com, you’ll often find cool promo art and things.

Earth and Water

Of course, Finn wasn’t the only one messed up by this breakup. Flame Princess may have pulled the plug, but she’s got her own issues to sort through. Not only does she have to come to terms with Finn’s betrayal, but she has to learn what it’s like to be a person. I mean, up until this point she’s had very little experience with the outside world. All she’s ever known is being locked up in the Flame Kingdom, which is basically an evil Shakespearean empire. She fell for Finn because he convinced her that good people exist. Now she has to come to terms with the fact that good people are capable of doing bad things. FP has a very monochrome view of character, most of it based on honesty. Of course, she goes to Princess Bubblegum for help, which is a mistake, because PB is like the queen of ambiguous characters. By the end of the episode, however, Flame Princess seems to have come to some conclusions about the situation, which is to say honesty is the most important thing. Also, by the end of the episode, she’s apparently over it all. I will happily call bullshit on this, and it’s one of Adventure Time’s few character-building missteps. As the series moves forward, it’s obviously focusing on Finn, and on his maturing process. For him, it’s difficult and painful and takes years. Flame Princess apparently gets to skip all this. She gets this one episode to reflect and then she’s good. Despite having next to no experience in the wider world, she matures pretty much instantly. Which, whatever. It’s not her show, I guess.

Flame Princess and her ten minutes of introspection.

Time Sandwich

And finally, a much needed respite from all the teen drama. This is just a super silly episode about a sandwich. I love it. Especially BMO being a sick skater kid.

The Vault

I remember the first time I saw this episode, and how exciting it was. Look, I’m obviously a squealing superfan over here, for which I do not apologize. And because of my crushing nerdiness, I want to know everything I can about the wider world of Ooo. Like, I know that when the show began it was a slapdash mess of silly ideas. A lot of those early episodes were absurd for absurdity’s sake, which I appreciate! However, as the show progressed it started to take itself more seriously, which I also appreciate. One thing the show had to do, however, was to stitch together a lot of these random elements to create some semblance of a larger world. They’ve done an admirable job, considering the time constraints given to 11-mintue episodes and the fact that it’s ostensibly a children’s show. Anyway, episodes like this have up to this point been rare (or nonexistent). This is a lore episode, and boy do we learn some history about Princess Bubblegum and the Candy Kingdom. I may have squealed like a little girl getting her first Barbie Party Palace for Christmas when I realized what I was watching. There’s tiny Banana Guards! Anyway, Ooo is shown to have a rich, post-apocalyptic history, and this episode is the first tiny bit of that. The lore, as they say, goes places.

Love Games

This is just your reminder that Maria Bamford is a national treasure and you should totally watch her wackadoo show, Lady Dynamite, because she is wonderful. I love you Slime Princess!

Dungeon Train

So Finn is still lady-sad. He will be for the foreseeable future. This is a weird little episode about one of the ways he tries to cope, which is to spend way too much time playing a loot-based game. It’s a World of Warcraft metaphor, guys.

The Box Prince

Kitties!

Red Starved

I think some of my favorite dialogue in Adventure Time is when Finn is talking to himself. I don’t know why, but it’s immensely endearing. A large part of this is due to the voice acting, so I will take this opportunity to praise Jeremy Shada, Finn’s teen voice-actor. He may look like an off-model Justin Bieber and plays in a watered-down Sum 41 clone band, but he’s lights-out as Finn. Anyway, this episode is a showcase of Finn’s habit of weird monologues, also he’s color-blind.

We Fixed A Truck

I alluded to this season containing one of my favorite all-time episodes, and this is it. It is very unassuming! One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I truly appreciate the understated. “We Fixed a Truck” is everything I love about Adventure Time condensed into a delightful eleven minutes. It’s just a couple of low-key days in this world (I mean, aside from the lizard-people assuming the form of Princess Bubblegum to take over the Candy Kingdom). The title says it all. Finn, Jake, BMO, and Weird Al hang out and fix a truck. Most of the episode is in montage form, accompanied by mellow, upbeat music. It’s bright and cheerful. It calms my anxiety and brings me joy. I love everything about it.

Play Date/The Pit

Here we learn a bit about Finn and Jake’s parents, specifically their father, Joshua. Turns out he was a monster hunter witch a penchant for enslaving demons. There are a lot of fun character interactions here, because the episode pushes a lot of people together who usually don’t spend much time together. Ice King is crashing at the treehouse, which is suitably obnoxious. Abracadaniel shows up, and it turns out he and Ice King are twelve year old BFFs. Later, Finn has to team up with Lady Rainacorn, which is silly. Also, apparently Jake likes to make sex tapes, which is… disconcerting. Of course, one of the not-very-hidden secrets of the show is that Jake has a gross alter-ego J.T. Dawgzone who is a player, and writes books about how to hook up with ladies. Jake reverts a little bit here, because he meets another dog (!) and she’s pretty hot. Which begs the question: much is made of Finn being the last human, but where are the other dogs? Other than Jermaine, there don’t seem to be any. Maybe they were all killed by the Rainacorns in some unspoken genocide?

Here, have a BMO gif.

James

I vastly prefer the season six follow-up, “James II.” Still, this episode lets us in on a few important details. One, Princess Bubblegum is actively expanding her empire. They’re on this expedition to scout out the land because PB intends to colonize the area. Two, they run into the same toxic creatures we’ve been shown in flashback form. And finally, we see Finn willing to sacrifice himself, because at heart he’s still the white knight hero. James is an ice-cream sandwich, dummy, he can take one for the team.

Root Beer Guy

Sometimes, the society Princess Bubblegum is building bums me out. This episode illustrates why, with its shift of viewpoint to a regular citizen of the Candy Kingdom. Root Beer Guy’s a drone. His life is mundane, and his youthful dreams of being a novelist are dying hard. This interferes with his relationship with his wife, the weirdly attractive Cherry Cream Soda. Meanwhile, a whole mystery is underfoot with the apparent kidnapping of Princess Bubblegum and RBG’s secret desire to be detective comes alive. Yet all this is playing out against a dreary, urban backdrop. Candy people are holed up in dire cubicles, selling insurance. Candy Kingdom airlines are flying passenger jets to… where, exactly? Anyway, I’m not sure I approve of the growth model Bubblegum has chosen for her kingdom.

You’re a fool, Root Beer Guy! Stay home!

Apple Wedding

This is mostly adorable, but also introduces the King of Ooo, who becomes a major player down the line. Also it’s Andy Daly, and he’s great. I also enjoy Tree Trunks being the anti-authoritarian rebel. Most important, however, is the unflattering depiction of Princess Bubblegum giving in to her authoritarian urges, and her willingness to crack down on her own people in order to assure her power is disconcerting to say the least. She relents in the end, but this episode reflects her inner struggle very well. The plot punishes her in the end, though, because she ends up having to watch Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig fuck. This is a weird show.

Blade of Grass

This episode is important chiefly because it shows how Finn gets his grass sword, which comes to be a very important item over the course of the series. Also, Choose Goose.

Rattleballs

Another glimpse into the dim past of the Candy Kingdom, and another unflattering depiction of Princess Bubblegum. In this case, she’s a little more justified in her ruthless ways. Still, between this and “Apple Wedding,” we’re being shown a whole other side of PB. I find this an important development in the show, because it’s indicative of the direction Adventure Time as a whole is taking. The show could have easily coasted on its successful formula, and churned out silly adventures with relatively two-dimensional characters, and it would have been fine. Yet the showrunners made a choice to go deeper. Suddenly, the damsel in distress (who, to be fair, has always been a super-smart science lady) is shown to have a ruthless streak. She’s powerful, and she’s dangerous. She’s basically a pink Gandalf (“Dangerous! And so am I, very dangerous; more dangerous than anything you’ll ever meet unless you’re brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord Lich”). Yet her heart retains mercy, and she still wants to do the right thing. She’s complicated. Oh, and Finn is seen here still trying to get over his lady biz.

In which Dwight from The Office chucks eggs at Finn.

The Red Throne

Speaking of Finn getting over his lady biz, this is perhaps the most utterly awkward episode of this season, which is saying something. I’m, uh, probably not going to watch this one again. It’s rough. Poor, dumb, deluded Finn. Also, I get that Cinnamon Bun is no longer “half-baked,” because he lives in the Fire Kingdom now and is fully cooked, as it were, but no. In fact, this episode comes off as unnecessarily mean to Finn. It also underscores the absurdity of Flame Princess suddenly being on par with Princess Bubblegum in terms of maturity. PB is 1000 years old. FP is 15. Come on. It’s like whoever was responsible for writing Flame Princess was afraid of depicting a girl as awkward and dumb. Newsflash: teenage girls are awkward and dumb because teenagers are awkward and dumb. It’s a huge missed opportunity for character depth and growth, presumably because the writers wanted to skip ahead to FP ruling the Flame Kingdom. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get, so let’s move on.

Betty

Speaking of characters who just can’t win, poor Simon. He is finally freed from his Ice King persona, only to find that he’s dying. He has a sweet moment with Marceline, but has little time and desires only to find a way to communicate with his long, lost fiancé, Betty. This he does, but she jumps into the future to be with Simon, only to discover he’s on Death’s door (actually, Death comes to Simon’s door, but you get it). Betty then forces Simon back into his Ice King persona, and this episode continues the long, sad saga of Simon and the crown. This arc is fascinating and reaches way back into the primeval history of Ooo. It’s cool.

I wanna hear that mixtape though. I bet Death spits fire.

Bad Timing

Sometimes, Adventure Time likes to experiment with animation and form. This is a very strange, Lumpy Space Princess episode that does a weird thing with its animation. The action of the show is in a circular frame, while on the border odd little doodles dance and kiss and stuff. I don’t know, LSP is hilarious.

Lemonhope

This is a two-parter about Lemonhope, who Princess Bubblegum rescued while Finn was making an ass out of himself in the dystopian nightmare society Lemongrab has built. PB is training him to go rescue his fellow Lemon-people, because that’s why they freed him in the first place. Lemonhope, however, is a whiny little bitch and wants no part of it. Seriously, Lemonhope is insufferable. This is unfortunate, because obviously most of this episode is centered on him. Since he sucks, this isn’t exactly my favorite. Still, the episode is ultimately saved because this is a visual showcase. It’s beautifully animated, and there’s lots of dream sequences, and it ends on a far-future montage which depicts a haunting, grey, and abandoned Candy Kingdom 1000 years in the future.

The Candy Kingdom 1000 years in the future is a dire place.

Billy’s Bucket List

Finally, we have the cliff-hanger ending which will lead to an even darker season six. The episode begins with a rap battle between Finn and Rap Bear, which sounds adorable, but the tone of the music and the overall color scheme portends a coming twilight. It’s ominous and kind of creepy, and this atmosphere carries throughout the episode. It’s very effective. After Finn freestyles, he meets a giant blue lady named Canyon, who is Billy’s ex-girlfriend. Not just because he’s dead, but because before he was sixed by the Lich, he turned lame. Anyway, Canyon and Finn return to Billy’s lair (his “crack,” which is a cheap joke I can get behind) where they discover his bucket list. They finish it for him, go on a crazy motorcycle ride, and Finn must visibly repress his attraction to Canyon. Which at least he does without making it weird, so maybe he’s learning. Anyway, one of the entries is simply “tell Finn that thing,” which of course is upsetting. The other is to “float on the ocean,” which longtime viewers understand will mess Finn up. Yet he masters his fear with a little help from the Grass Blade, and upon fulfilling the bucket list, Billy’s sky-spirt appears. He is then tells Finn the thing. His human father is alive, and Finn must seek him out. Season six awaits.

“Um, yeah. Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in like three seconds. Or Raggedy Princess could be your new Hambo. She’d do it, too. That girl’s got like zero self-respect. Heh. That’s mean. Don’t tell her I said that.” – Princess Bubblegum in full gossipy mode, “Sky Witch”

“That’s my private box. Maja’s mitts only, ya goof.” “So you purchased Hambo from some weenus named Ash?” “That’s right. He was a weenus, so I wrote it on there as my personal joke.” – Maja & Princess Bubblegum, “Sky Witch”

“Look, just take whatever you want, okay? Take it all! It’s all just prunes. Prunes and liver.” – Ice King, “Frost and Fire”

“You blew it.” – Cosmic Owl, “Frost and Fire”

“My name is Bad Lemon No Hope, but you can call me Lemonhope.” – Lemonhope, “Too Old”

“All right, so you want to get nasty? One time I blew a snot bubble that broke off and floated away. Then it hit some lady’s baby in the face and it started crying.” “And I really enjoy the taste of envelopes.” – Finn & PB – “Earth & Water”

“You and BMO play finger-spread quietly. I need to get into the zone…. I am ready to receive instruction from the realm of creation above me for the sandwich I am about to conceive. I am open. Use me…. Rosemary, thyme. Sous-vide. Keep that at 135 degrees. All right, now we’re getting somewhere. Cream cheese! Pickles from my boy Prismo and some dill! Diced boiled eggs! Bird from the window! Yeah, baby, now we’re rolling! Common cucumber! Sliced Roma tomato! Sweet yellow onion, organic. Almost done. Tears for salt. Meat prepared sous-vide. Baaacoon! You’re the most important part: Lobster soul. It’s amazing. This is the greatest sandwich I have ever made.” – Jake, “Time Sandwich”

“Wait wait wait. BMO, are you just making a skateboard video?” “No Finn, this is the plan.” “Are you sure?” “Jake, you will have your sandwich back before my board hits the ground.” “Okay, BMO.” “Yay BMO! This is siiiii…..” “He lied to me.” – Finn, BMO, & Jake, “Time Sandwich”

“That’s what Magic Man meant by your face showing 7:20, or as some people call it, a sad face.” “What?! No one calls it that.” “Nope! No. Don’t get judgmental.” – Finn & Jake, “Time Sandwich”

“I see… my past lives. I was a comet. A butterfly. A thing. I don’t know what that is. Some kind of shape? Or a doo-doo in another dimension?” “Do you remember anything about a scary lady?” “Scary lady. Yeah. I was her. Except she was a chubby tiger. No, no, no. Wait wait wait. She was riding a chubby tiger, and she wasn’t scary.” – Finn, “The Vault”

“It’s me, Shoko. And PB, you are like a bazillion years old. You’re not freaking 19, what the heck? Weirdo.” – Finn, “The Vault”

“Please, Finn. I know I’ve crushed on you in the past, but I have no intention of locking this down.” – Slime Princess, “Love Games”

“Oh, we always come here when we want to shake it, Finn. It’s the only triple-cray rated disco in all of Ooo.” – Tree Trunks, “Love Games”

“I dunno. I’m still jacked up over my lady biz.” – Finn, “Love Games”

“Welcome, everyone, to our second trial, spooning. When I say go, the big spoon will put his arms around the little spoon and cuddle. I will be watching you spoon, measuring and assessing your love by posture and overall vibe. The best cuddle, or spoon, wins.” – Elder Plops, “Love Games”

“You’re alone in the hottest, most sexiest prison.” – Blargatha, “Love Games

“What… is the meaning of soup?” – Finn, “Dungeon Train”

“Listen, Finn, girls is like horses, when you fall down it’s important that you get right back on again… on a different horse. And a lot of fish in the sea. A lot of fish. A penny saved is a penny earned.” – Jake, giving sage wisdom, “Dungeon Train”

“Or maybe dating girls is like riding a bicycle. Where, like, if you mess up, you can get really hurt forever, or hurt someone you really care about.” Finn, with his own dark wisdom, “Dungeon Train””

“Dude, this is the ant car. We already did the ant car. You did all the ants!” “Same car, but those were blue ants. These are red ants.” – Jake & Finn, “Dungeon Train”

“Finn, I made those biscuits with so much butter. You were just responding to the butter. This whole place is butter!” – Jake, “Dungeon Train”

“I love nachos even more while looking out the window.” – Finn, “The Box Prince”

“I’m sorry, this little piggy stayed home and so should have I.” – Jake, “Red Starved”

“Whatever’s down there has got to have red blasting out of every hole.” – phrasing, Finn, “Red Starved”

“I bet that guy was a creep… this hole is deep.” – Finn, talking to himself, “Red Starved”

“Can I have this big old ruby then?” “That’s an emerald.” “Clearly it’s a big old ruby.” “I don’t know what to tell you, man.” “I would like the ruby.” “It’s yours, buddy. I’m outies.” – Finn negotiating with a demon, “Red Starved”

“Oh it’s just my luck, it’s just my luck/I went for a walk and I found a truck/Oh it’s just my luck oh it’s just my luck/when I honk this horn I’ll wake Jake up.” – Finn’s truck song, “We Fixed a Truck”

“I named it Hot Daniel. I figured we could do some pretty sick stuff with it…. Launch it off some ramps, maybe get it going 30 miles an hour, crank the wheel into a gnar right-hander, spray dirt everywhere like a big hirkin’ dirt wave.” – Finn, “We Fixed a Truck”

“Psh, please. Not even. Uh, because Kee-Oth was right there! And there were traps. I didn’t have no blood this whole time.” – Jake, defending his inability to exit the pit he shared with the hot warrior dog, Samantha, “The Pit”

“It’s unfortunate we can’t enjoy some of the cool things we’re passing by, but I guess we can do that the next time we’re in the Desert of Wonders. Whenever that is!” – Jake, “James”

“It can’t end like this. I got a Lady and five kids. I thought I’d outlive at least one of em.” That’s dark, Jake, “James”

“There’s only one way out of this jam. One of us is going to have to eat the big one so the others can survive. And I’m gonna be that one. I’ll run up there and get the creatures to chase me, and while they’re busy noshing on my teen-boy body, you three can climb to safety.” – Finn, “James”

“Look at me, Root Beer Guy! I’m a Cherry Cream Soda, and I have the same needs as any other cherry cream soda. Or even diet cream soda.” – Cherry Cream Soda, who is uncomfortably attractive for an anthropomorphic cartoon mug of soda, “Root Beer Guy”

“Stucco feels great.” – Finn, “Root Beer Guy” This is accurate.

“Bingo-bango.” – Root Beer Guy, “Root Beer Guy

“Busted, you boat-crimer.” – Banana Guard, “Root Beer Guy”

❤ ❤ ❤

“Cinnamon Bun! What the heck are you doing out in the woods? I asked you 20 minutes ago to take these drinks around for us.” “Oh, oh. Around for us. I thought you said walk to the zoo and back.” – Princess Bubblegum & Cinnamon Bun, “Apple Wedding”

“Oh, well, uh, Princess I appreciate your generosity, going to all this trouble to hijack my wedding and all, but you can’t perform the ceremony.” “What? Why not?” “Well, I’m sorry, but I just don’t recognize your quote-unquote authority on such matters. I can only be married by his holiness, the one true King of Ooo.” – Tree Trunks, “Apple Wedding”

“Oh but he is a saucy fine bologna factory! I tell you what, I’d like to open up that hood, see how the bologna gets made.” – Tree Trunks’ filthy, filthy mom, “Apple Wedding”

“And do you, Tree Trunks, do you promise to love Mr. Pig forever, and spend the next five years with me in my serenity compound performing simple household repairs, to have and to hold in sickness and in health in my gated mountain compound?” – King of Ooo, “Apple Wedding”

“Looks like we’ve got the whole place to ourselves, if you know what I’m saying.” “Wait, don’t you think there might be cameras down here?” “I hope so.” – Tree Trunks & Mr. Pig get it oooon, “Apple Wedding”

“No more pizza bonks!” – Finn, “Blade of Grass”

“Something is terribly wrong with that awful sword… that apple slicing is too perfect… demonically perfect. That sword is cursed!” “Ha ha, I like it when Tree Trunks gets all serious.” – Tree Trunks & Jake, “Blade of Grass”

“Stealing candles from old ladies is immoral!” – Finn, “Blade of Grass”

“He’s the only one who can lift the curse! But beware… he’s a huge dingwad. Just the worst.” – Choose Goose, “Blade of Grass”

“Milk. You wanted milk. I do regret the slow return. But I assure you, this is the highest quality milk available. It’s mink’s milk. I milked a mink. 100% dedication. No limits to what I’d do for you. I’d throw Peppermint Butler off this balcony if you asked. Sorry Peppermint Butler. Just joking. But kind of sort of not.” – Finn, “Rattleballs”

“Marcy, it’s me, Simon. I’m back but my body might donk out soon. So get to the Ice Kingdom fast and help me with this time portal so I can find Betty and say sorry before I croakboat.” – Simon, “Betty”

“Do you still have impressions from all the times we flipped your bricks?” – Finn, “Betty”

“Boy, when this evening started I was feeling so dumptrucks. But now it’s like a hundred forklifts!” – Johnny, “Bad Timing”

“Take a chill pill, Princess, I handled it.” “Handled what?” “You know. Someone drove their car in the door but no one was driving and it exploded so I handled it.” – Manfried is the best, “Bad Timing”

“Yes, morale has never been higher since we got rid of hope.” – Lemongrab, “Lemonhope”

“Cup-cups!” – Finn, and me every time I see cupcakes, “Lemonhope”

It’s funny cuz Finn is dumb.

“Do you see? They helped you. You have to help them now. It’s your responsibility.” “Nooo! I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to! They set me free. And free means I decide what to do. Not them, and not you!” – PB & Lemonhope, who fucking sucks, “Lemonhope”

“Oh, man, that thing looks just lousy with freedom. Straight up right out the diddle-doo. Coming at you right straight up.” – Lemonhope, “Lemonhope”

“Ah, little Lemonhope. Of course I’ll take you as far as I can, but I can’t interfere directly in Lemongrab politics. All those old pacts and treaties have me sklonked up tighter than a synthetic zanoit sterilizer bed compressor tube enlarger on garbage day!” – Phlannel Boxingday, “Lemonhope”

“Nah, that’s okay. I mean, you guys are cool and all, but I mostly came back here so I could stop thinking about y’all all the time. I’ll be back when I’m tired of being free. See you in a thousand years, I guess. Peace!” Lemonhope, “Lemonhope.

“Off the dome, here we go. Uh! I’m-a start it now. I’m-a battle now. We gonna make a rhyme/So I can rap this time. I rap for millions…. Sesquipedalians!” Finn, winning his rap battle, “Billy’s Bucket List”

“Well, I loved Billy, and I believed in him, but then Billy stopped believing, and that jammed up our whole deal – being a top-tier, red-belt power couple. After a while, all he did was watch movies and play video games. Pretty lame, right? So I bailed.” “Even heroes have slumps, bro.” – Canyon & Finn, “Billy’s Bucket List”