A Fun Invitation To Jury Duty

The United States Justice System is throwing a shindig and you're e-vited!

We're giving you the chance to meet eleven new friends. After sharing one another's life stories, you will all get to collaborate on a fun "game" of sorts.

Why did you receive this nifty invitation to partake in an activity that's all the rage? You've been chosen completely at random. It can be said that you won a lottery. A lottery which legally requires you to contribute many hours of work. What tremendous fortune you have! We strongly recommend you capitalize on your luck by purchasing a hundred scratch tickets immediately.

We forgot to mention this is paid! Imagine that! We hope you aren't trying to lose weight because every day you join us your wallet will be 10 dollars heavier!

What activities can you expect at this rare, compensating party? There will be a significant amount of sitting and talking. Don't worry if you aren't a well-read scholar. All you have to do is rest patiently and listen as other people speak. When they finish chattering, you will make a simple choice. It really is that easy.

Silly us, we forgot to mention that little verdict you make will send ripples through the course of history! How neat! We doubt you've ever made an ultimate decision before. Deciding which side dish goes best with your beef-based dinners is not comparable. The memories you make here will last a lifetime. That's why we urge you to make the right choice.

Come visit and treat yourself to the amusing squabbles of the lower class. As petty delinquents beg for mercy, you can play the part of a tranquil scrutinizer. There's nothing snazzier than leisurely punishing the wicked!

While you are forbidden from discussing any details of this case, we are providing you the opportunity to fabricate a compelling court drama to impress others. There is no limit to the amount of juicy lies you can conjure up to make your life sound somewhat interesting!

If you love watching transformations, there's a high probability you will see a man revealed as a monster!

Silently deride the most advanced civilization's reliance upon 19th century architecture. Imagine how your forefathers appreciated the antiquated air conditioning technology still used today.

Incarcerate a miscreant and help them find that special someone behind bars. Who knew that arsonist from Willow Creek and that burglar from Central had so much in common? You did, you federally funded matchmaker!

How long will you be raving it up in the courtroom? The average trial lasts seven days. Tell me the last time you went to a week-long soiree. If you're an upstanding American, you will reference your previous juror service.

What is the proper attire for such a celebration of law? Any clothing that might identify you as anti-authoritarian is strictly prohibited. If you aren't sure, don't risk it. Dress like the gatekeeper of society that you are.

By good fortune, your state of residence enforces the death penalty. Envision yourself at a casino gambling with the fate of another human life Come roll the dice!

While most people avoid jury duty like the plague, you can tell them all the thrill you had playing part time God!

Choose one response: 1) I am delighted to exercise my cherished constitutional right! 2) I have no valid excuse to miss jury duty, I wish to pay a $1,500 fine, and I want to serve on another, probably less intriguing, case.