Pages

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Husband for Hire

So back in November when the last Twilight movie came about
I had to beg the husband (then fiancé) to take me to see it. He only finally
succumbed to my plea after he and the father in law decided it would be less
painfully for both of them if they took the mother in law and me together.
Better to not “suffer alone”. He begrudgingly admitted that it wasn’t the
absolute worst movie he’d ever seen… The
first movie was.

Confession, I really love the Twilight movies… Whenever I’m
having a bad day, it’s either Twilight or Harry Potter that goes into the DVD
player. I’m also a fan of any movie made from a Nicholas Sparks’ book. The
movies are my chocolate, my guilty pleasure… judge me.

The husband can’t stand it. Anytime the emotionless face of
Kirsten Stewart or the hairy, pale chest of R-Patz fills our TV screen he rolls
his eyes and leaves. He glares at me as I drool over the hills and valleys of Taylor
Lautner’s abs and laughs when I whisper the words along with the movie. He just
doesn’t get it but he accepts it.

So now to the actual story.

Back a few weeks ago I asked the husband to run to Walmart
to grab me a few things. I can’t go to Walmart during normal shopping hours
anymore, the stress of dodging shopping carts, fighting the urge to take
pictures of “people of Walmart”, and waiting in line behind the mom with two
carts, six kids, and a binder of coupons sends me into one of two things: a
full fledge anxiety attack or total “B” mode. He accepted the challenge to
brave it alone.

When the husband walked into the house and he was blushing!
The husband is generally pretty stoned faced, considering I’ve been trying in
vain for nine months to get him to jump up and down with excitement for
something (not even the day we got engaged, picture proof… I’m jumping, he’s
standing) blushing was something I never thought I’d see.

Hey babe, how was the
store?

Fine… I have a story
for you.

My version of the husband’s story (with my lovely commentary as well of course)

So I was just walking through Walmart picking up the things
that I need and a bunch of giggling teenage girls run up to me. Really? You’re not the person that I would
just run up to in the middle of the store… You don’t necessarily give off that
warm fuzzy feeling. Whatever… Shut up! Exhibit
A… Anyway, these girls run up to me giggling and tell me that they are
doing a scavenger hunt and they need a picture of someone who looks like a
famous person and I look like Edward so could they get my picture. Well you are pale enough to be a vampire. Yeah,
I told them though that I actually look like Carlisle not Edward, I saw them
again as they were leaving and they yelled “bye Carlisle!” the whole thing was
kind of embarrassing. Wait… you corrected
them on which vampire you look like? Well… no it’s not that I think I look
like him, it was the girls in my mission, they called me Elder Carlisle. No no no… you just admitted that you know
which vampire you look like and you have an opinion on it! Is that why you’re
embarrassed? Because you corrected teenage girls on which Twilight character
you look like? You’re right… that is embarrassing. Then he walked out of
the room with the same expression he has when I’m actually watching the movies.
I don’t think the husband thinks I’m as funny as everyone else does.

I guess I see the resemblance...

So that’s the husband’s deep dark secret… HE IS TOTALLY A
SCHOLAR OF TWILIGHT… he’s been caught, you may all tease him mercilessly now.

And this whole ordeal gave me the best idea. The husband is
going out for hire! Nothing would top off a twilight themed birthday party
better than a visit from a vampire! I’ll even throw in some contacts and glitter him up for you.
Valentines is coming up, why not have your flowers delivered by “Carlisle”.
Want to make the movie watching experience just a little more real, have a
character sit next to you and share your popcorn. I think this is going to be a
huge moneymaker. It’s going to be bigger than the books themselves. So, spread
the word! I haven’t run my idea past the husband but I’m sure he’s going to be
all for it.

No comments:

Post a Comment

About me

I'm a Provo girl born and raised. Junior at Brigham Young University. Go Cougars! I met the perfect man to marry and this is the story of our lives. We've fallen in love, traveled all over the country, and survived a semester of school together. We're going to finish our majors (biology and public health), travel through Europe, and survive much more than a semester of college. Thanks for following the story and enjoying the ride right along with us!