“You better get that little bitch off me.”- New York’s Rasheed Wallace to the Memphis Grizzlies’ bench, after scoring on Rudy Gay two times in a row.

“It’s three points. Take that to the head.”- Sheed, on his new celebration where he points at his head after draining a three.

“Nah, not really.”- Sheed, when asked if he missed the NBA during his retirement.

“I accept my Brian Scalabrine role. I’m cool with it.”- Sheed, on the reception/chants he receives from the MSG crowd in New York.

There’s no doubt – the NBA is a more entertaining place with Sheed lacing em’ up.

“We haven’t really figured out Jeff and when to use Jeff or felt an urgency to go to Jeff.”- Celtics’ GM Danny Ainge on Jeff Green.

Really? So why did you give him $36 million?

“Jay-Z wasn’t there. He was there for LeBron.”- Miami’s Dwyane Wade when asked what he remembers from his 2010 free-agent meeting with the Nets.

Ah, athletes.

“I’m good with these hands, man. I’m a jackin’ dude.”- The Grizzlies’ Zach Randolph when asked by a reporter if he could beat Kendrick Perkins in a fight (following their on-court altercation).

I don’t know what a “jackin’ dude” means, but it sounds awesome.

“Yeah, Chris Paul.”- Clippers’ coach Vinny Del Negro when asked by a reporter if the Clippers’ have a set offense and what it’s called?

He knows where his bread’s buttered.

“I apologize to all NBA fans. This was an unacceptable decision by the San Antonio Spurs and substantial sanctions will be forthcoming.”- NBA Commissioner David Stern on the San Antonio Spurs’ decision to send four players home for a road game against Miami. They were fined 250k.

Fool.

“It is pretty logical. I don’t think it was a tough decision at all. In fact, the decision was made when the schedule came out.’’- Spurs’ coach Gregg Popovich on why he made the decision.

I love what Pop did and I’m surprised that more teams don’t do it – the NBA schedule is ridiculous.

“That score at the end of the game is huge. I don’t think it’s ever been wrong. It’s proven to be the most consistent stat.”- Gregg Popovich on the value of advanced statistics.

Pop!

“He doesn’t really even talk to me that much, anymore. We’ve been married so long that we……. Half the things I say he doesn’t hear, the other half he tunes out if he did hear… because he figures it’s bullshit. Manu’s [Ginobili] getting to that point, Tony’s [Parker] close to it.”- Gregg Popovich on his relationship with Tim Duncan.

He’s not trying to be funny; that’s probably very close to the truth.

“I think in the short term you have to give it a little more time. And maybe there are different lineup combinations that will work better, maybe there are different rotations that will work better. But at some point those things have to be open for discussion. I don’t think this early in the season any teams are looking to be aggressive and make changes.”- Kings’ GM Geoff Petrie thinks that patience is the answer in Sacramento.

“That’s my decision. My life. If he’s upset because I made a decision for me, then so be it. If he doesn’t want to be friends because I’m on another team, then so be it. There’s no need to smooth things over.”- The Lakers’ Dwight Howard on Deron Williams, who came out and said that Dwight messed up the plans to play in Brooklyn together (which he did) by foolishly opting in at the deadline last season.

Just shut your trap, Dwight.

“I was struggling with the whole fact that if I go to the Lakers, I’ll be compared to Shaq. I didn’t want that. I just wanted to be who I am. I hated that comparison.”- Dwight Howard on his initial hesitation to join the Lakers.

Geez.

“I’m not going to lie, New York City nightlife last year pretty much got to me. I was going out pretty much every other night, just not focused on the task at hand. This year is definitely different.”- New York’s J.R. Smith.

Leopards don’t change their spots. Give it time.

“You see how he dresses when he comes to the games now. He looks very professional. He’s in a suit. It’s beautiful to see, man. That’s not to say he doesn’t wear jeans and do some of things he was doing. That’s a start.”- New York coach Mike Woodson on Smith’s ‘transformation’.

You gotta start somewhere, I guess.

“The more hair you have, the better. My boy Luis Scola, he’s got that long hair and when it gets sweaty and he starts flopping and flailing, it looks like he’s getting murdered out there. I love Luis Scola, but he’s the most egregious flopper on the offensive end.”- Miami’s Shane Battier on flopping.

You’re not bad yourself, Shane.

“I can see overseas players flopping but not American players.. they made the rule for the overseas players.. but now its out of hand…..”- Metta World Peace on Twitter, on the new flopping rules.

I didn’t know that Reggie Evans, Chris Paul, James Harden, Blake Griffin, Shane Battier and LeBron James are from overseas?

“Thank God. It doesn’t belong here. We’re grown-ass men, you don’t need to be falling all over the place.”- The Lakers’ Kobe Bryant on the new flopping rules.

Yeah, like Kobe never embellishes contact on the offensive end….

“[Favors] is definitely going to be a superstar in this league and you can count on it in my opinion.”- Utah’s Al Jefferson on teammate Derrick Favors.

I agree. But for that to happen Big Al needs to go.

“I thought the lanes opened up when Michael Jordan used to drive. I used to be like, wow. But when I saw the president drive, I thought they were bringing the whole motorcade through the lane it was so wide.”- Scottie Pippen, who played basketball with President Obama on the morning of Election Day.

Nice one, Scottie.

“I thought about those techs. I got fouled the second time (against Utah) and the other time, (Oklahoma City’s Serge) Ibaka was running his mouth a little too much. I will never get disrespected by nobody. I’m going to go out a man. If I get disrespected, I’m going to get a tech. Point-blank. I’ve saved up a lot of money the last 13 years. I’m good. I’m a man first. Before you disrespect me, I’m going to spend some money. I ain’t tripping on that. But you’re going to respect me.”- San Antonio’s Stephen Jackson after receiving a $2000 fine for a technical foul.

Since when is acting like a lunatic being ‘a man’?

“He holds that ball like it’s an olive and he can send that ball anywhere he wants.”- Bobcats’ coach Mike Dunlap on Marc Gasol.

Is there any doubt now that Marc is the better Gasol?

“He’s so much (more) dynamic in the pick and roll than Jeremy was last year. Just finding the lob and finding the guys in the corner for a 3 … not always just looking for his shot.”- J.R. Smith on Raymond Felton, referencing Jeremy Lin.

I don’t know what his beef is with Jeremy Lin, but it’s stupid.

“Like I’ve said for a long time, it’s a dictatorship out here.”- Chicago’s Joakim Noah on coach Tom Thibodeau.

I think he means it in a good way.

“I’ve said enough about the Lakers. Let’s just say, when you say something bad about the Lakers, you get a ton of Twitter threats, so it’s just not worth it. There is more Twitter courage in Southern California than probably any other part of the world….I could say ‘Kobe tied his shoe laces wrong’ and I’d probably get death threats on Twitter.”- Mavs owner Mark Cuban when asked to comment about the Lakers when they played in Dallas.

Yeah, they do seem a little irrational.

“Obviously I’m excited if he thinks he’s going to come back. I want him to come back for forever. I’ll keep on signing him until he’s 73 if he wants to keep on playing.”- Cuban on Dirk Nowitzki, who said that he intends to keep playing when his contract runs out.

It’s good to see an owner completely devoted to his star.

“The city is under new management.”- Minority Brooklyn owner Jay-Z on Twitter after the Nets’ 96-89 overtime victory over the New York Knicks.

Not sure about that.

“You know, Jeff’s a really, really nice guy, and some nights, you know, you’ve just got to be an (expletive). You’ve got to be . . . I can’t really say what I want to say, but he’s got to be that.”- Boston’s Kevin Garnett on teammate Jeff Green.

An ‘arse’ I believe is the word he’s looking for.

“Once I see two [shots] go down in a row, that’s pretty much a wrap on the game.”- Philadelphia’s Nick Young.

The ‘irrational confidence’ poster boy.

“That’s just like a mosquito in your face. Eventually you’re going to swat at the mosquito, right? You let the mosquito in your face you’re going to get bumps all over your face, so you got to knock the mosquito down.”- Brooklyn’s Reggie Evans on Rajon Rondo.

True.

“In hindsight, I guess you really shouldn’t go bowling but it’s not anything more than what I’ve done in my rehab. I’m kind of taking the position that if that happens bowling, what happens while dunking?”- Philadelphia’s Andrew Bynum on the injury suffered to his ‘good’ knee whilst bowling.

Hard to see this working out.

“If it ends in three weeks, it ends. It’s over. I’m totally satisfied with what I’ve done. I know the sacrifice and the effort that I put into coming back. It took a lot of discipline to get to where I am. That’s all I care about: how hard I’ve worked. So I can’t say I’m disappointed, that would be selfish. I was just a normal player my junior year in college, and everything since has been a major blessing. I’ve had an unbelievable run.”- Minnesota’s Brandon Roy after his latest injury setback.

It’s a real shame, he was a great player.

“Unfortunately, I’ve been doing the dirty work all my life, and now I have to come back to that. I will fight for what’s mine. I’ll try to prove to the coach that I can play an important role in the offence. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m even an option for Gentry. He doesn’t even take me into consideration. The situation is critical. We’re playing the same thing we’ve been playing last year, but the truth is we have a completely different set of players. I don’t think it really works. I can’t get frustrated now though, I have to stay positive…..We have plenty of players who like to create for themselves, but it doesn’t always work. We don’t share the ball as much as we have in previous seasons. The ball doesn’t move around the perimeter — it usually stops after one or two passes. You can’t play like this, let alone win. Basketball is a team sport. Nobody ever won a game alone.”

And this:

While in Los Angeles, have you talked to Steve Nash? “Yes, he came in for a visit in the locker room. I can only sigh – too bad he isn’t with us any longer…”

And this:

Last season you’ve scored a lot of points off of Steve Nash pick and rolls. The team doesn’t play that way anymore. “That’s true, but I can score in various situations. Finishing pick and rolls, in transition, from midrange, around the rim. There are a lot of options. Unfortunately, my two strongest plays – the pick and roll and post-ups have been taken away from me. It’s not easy, we have a lot of plays that don’t include me. And my chemistry with Goran Dragic hasn’t been quite equal to what I had with Steve. These are things that we need to work on.”- Phoenix’s Marcin Gortat, venting.

Mostly true.

“[It's] the most ridiculous firing in the history of the NBA.”- Stan Van Gundy on the Mike Brown firing in LA.

Yours was pretty close, Stan. Mike Brown should have never been there in the first place.

“All my looks are jump shots … I would like to see something closer to the basket and not just rolling, especially when Dwight is there. But we’ll see. We’ll figure it out. We’re just starting, pretty much…. I’m not a pure jump-shooter … I can stretch the defense out and make a couple jumpers. But how I get going is by getting in the paint and creating off the post, things like that. That’s historically how I’ve been really successful and made a really good name for myself and earned my contracts. But hopefully I’ll find a way and we’ll find a way to get me a few opportunities there and get myself going in that way and be more effective.”- The Lakers’ Pau Gasol on playing under Mike D’Antoni.

Can’t see it changing.

“I just don’t see how a player as smart as he is, as talented as he is, as big as he is, doesn’t fit into anybody’s scheme. Then I’ve got to re-examine myself and think, ‘I can’t play with Pau Gasol?’ C’mon. He’s won two championships. I gotta rethink what I’m doing.”- Phoenix coach Mike D’Antoni on Gasol.

Expect to see him traded.

“Without going into great detail, some of our guys, I don’t think would be very successful in the Triangle. Some of our newer players might take a long time to learn the Triangle.”- Lakers’ GM Mitch Kupchak on why they chose Mike D’Antoni over Phil Jackson.

Interesting that he’d come out and say that.

“Saturday morning, Jim Buss, called to ask if he could come and visit. I did not solicit or ask for the opportunity, but I welcomed both he and Mitch Kupchak into my home to discuss the possibility of my return to the Lakers as the head coach. We talked for over an hour and a half. No contractual terms were discussed and we concluded with a hand shake and an understanding that I would have until Monday (today) to come back to them with my decision. I did convey to them that I did have the confidence that I could do the job. I was awakened at midnight on Sunday by a phone call from Mitch Kupchak. He told me that the Lakers had signed Mike D’Antoni to a 3-year agreement and that they felt he was the best coach for the team. The decision is of course theirs to make. I am gratified by the groundswell of support from the Laker Fans who endorsed my return and it is the principal reason why I considered the possibility…..It could’ve been much more circumspect and respectful of everybody involved. It seemed slimy to be awoken with this kind of news.”- Phil Jackson.

I love it when people reveal how the sausage is made.

“The chances are slim and none, probably. I really wasn’t looking to coach again. That one was happenstance, and it just came about.”- Phil Jackson saying he’s done.

Until the next glamour job comes up.

“Under the circumstances, Phil Jackson, who’s been there and done that and put a lot of money in everybody’s pockets around here, the way it was done . . . it’s mind-boggling.”- Former Laker assistant Brian Shaw.

Agree.

“They could’ve explained exactly what was going on. They’ve could’ve had my back. They could’ve done anything. I don’t care what they could’ve done. It could’ve been small, than to say, you know what, ‘This is our escape route. We’re going to leave him out for himself. He’s going to have to fend for himself now’. No, that’s not what you do when it’s your family. And supposedly say this is a brotherhood. That’s not what you do. I don’t care, whatever my brother, my uncle, my sister, whatever anybody does, I’m going to have their back 100 percent. And that’s what you do with family. That’s all I’m saying. For them to say, ‘Oh, he’s a bad teammate. He’s a cancer in the locker room.’ He’s this and that. All that is a bunch of lies. That’s what really made me mad. That showed me, they tried to end me.”- Brooklyn’s Andray Blatche on his former team the Washington Wizards.

“They tried to end me”? Wake up, Blatche! The Wizards paid you about $40 million (most of it undeserved) during your time in DC!