5 ways to deal with anger and get back in the game

We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post.

Mad Mom Makeover series

Once per week during the months of March and April, Rear Release Regroup and MTO (Mom Time Out) is featuring a special guest post dealing with “mom anger” and how to cope with those “blow it” moments!

These dear moms offer words of encouragement, support, and wonderful tips for when that old temper flares! This will be a valuable resource, so be sure to stay tuned each week – and if you’re not on our email list, you may sign up here to make sure you don’t miss a single post!

Today, my sweet friend Marva, young mama of one boy and one girl – who just happens to live in the Virgin Islands (I know – SO jealous) shares with us. Marva blogs at sunSPARKLEshine and her bright, pretty graphics are always cheery and inspiring, as well as her down-to-earth writing. Marva is a go-getter and she issues a challenge to us that I think it’s high time we consider.

5 Ways to deal with anger and get back in the game

There was a lot of stomping from room to room, with what started as a murmur growing increasingly louder. Doors were getting closed a little harder than they should have been – okay, they were slammed! It was no wonder things didn’t start flying across the room because this was beginning to look and feel more like the antics of a two-year old.

The only problem was that it was me — the mommy — who was having the tantrum.

I had completely lost it.

“You don’t have a maid!” I shouted.

“How many times do I have to tell you to put away your stuff?”

It wasn’t a pretty site.

The resentment had been building for a while. I desperately needed a mom get-awaybut I didn’t follow the cues. Instead, all of the built up anger came out in one big, thick, dark cloud.

Maybe you can relate to my frustration. But be careful not to agree with me too quickly because in light of the Scriptures, my outburst was not warranted. I had allowed my anger to control me, and as a result, I acted unrighteously.

I paused for a moment and thought. What if my kids were the ones acting out of control? What would I tell them?

My kids tend to get in the most trouble when they argue with each other. To help bring things under control I would pull them each aside and ask a simple question. ‘Whose team are you on?’

I would make a point about being on God’s team compared to being on Satan’s team — a simple analogy that they can relate to. I would encourage them to choose which team they wanted to be on and let it show by their actions.

I also have a choice. I can choose to be on God’s team and control my anger. Or I can choose to be on Satan’s team and let my anger control me.

5 Choices That Will Help You Control Your Anger

Using the same team analogy, I’m sharing 5 tips that will help you (and me) choose a godly response to anger:

1.) Choose your gear

A good player doesn’t just show up to the game unprepared. She dresses in the appropriate protective gear that’s suitable for the sport. In the same way, I need to start my day with my protective gear: the word of God.

3.) Choose your game plan

When faced with a frustrating situation, I get to choose my plan of attack. Will I give in to the frustration and shout and argue with my third-grader about her dolls littered on the floor? Or will I gently remind her of the consequences for not returning her dolls to the toy bin? I can choose the high road and set a godly example for my children.

4.) Choose to be a good sport

What about those times when the game doesn’t go as I expect? Will I have such a bad attitude that I have to be pulled out of the game? Will I curse the other players and blame them for not doing their part?

When my kids are rude or disobedient, how will I respond? Will I lash out or will I be full of grace as I point them back to God?

5.) Choose your cheerleaders

There’s nothing like a good dose of encouragement on those days when I’ve completely blown it. We need all the support we can get and we can find it in real life friends who walk alongside us or even in online communities such as Ruthie’s Mom Time Out (MTO) group.

It helps to know that there are other moms in MTO who are going through similar things – they’ve wrangled in the game and came out a winner, at least today. Another day I might be the one offering encouragement to the mom who fell and needs to get back in the game. Together we’re a team and we help each other stay faithful.

So the next time you’re tempted to blow your top, and threaten to throw in the towel, let me encourage you. Start by gearing up with the Word of God. Choose to be on God’s team and get in the game with a plan of action. Decide to be a good sport and surround yourself with others who can relate and support you. That way you stay in the game and come out a winner!

What about you?

What strategies do you have that help you stay in the game?

How do you set yourself up to win?

Marva is a Christian, wife and mother to two school-aged kiddos. She’s lucky to live in one of the sunniest parts of the world, where most days feel like heaven on earth. For the other days, she finds comfort in a nice tall latte.

Thanks, Dawn, I’m glad you enjoyed it and found it helpful. The sporting analogy is totally God because I’m probably the least sports-oriented person you know. Isn’t it amazing how he works? Blessings to you, dear friend! Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

Thank you, Lizzy. On our own this is impossible, but with God it’s more than “doable”. He sets us up to win every time! I’m so glad we connected. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing and pinning. Blessings! Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

Ruthie, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to share my heart with your friends. As you know, I don’t pretend to have ‘arrived’ in this area but I’m so thankful for God’s grace and friends like you who call me higher. We’re all in this together! Blessings to you, my friend!

And Marva, as you know – I haven’t arrived either! LOL however – bringing attention to this important subject has made me MUCH more mindful of my words, tone, and attitude, and it has helped GREATLY for me to keep it in check. Accountability is Key! Thank you for a great post, awesome graphics, and authentic words of wisdom. Love you, friend!

So many times anger seems to sweep in and take control before we know what has happened. Your advice is encouraging and points to the source of true help. I especially like your explanation of Ephesians 4:26… “It suggests that the anger itself is not the problem but the way we respond to it is.” Amen!

That’s so true, Wendy. Sometimes my desire to fix things is great than trying to figure our the heart behind it. I’m so amazed by how God is using my kids to teach me these deep lessons. Thanks for stopping by, dear friend. I appreciate you!

Marva, This is just SO good! I love the analogy to sports! For all of us “Sports Moms”, it most definitely resonates! These strategies are filled with truth and if we can all embrace them, sinning in our anger could almost always be eliminated! Hugs, Lori

Lori, I’m glad it’s something you can relate to. In simple terms it can sound pretty easy, right? But I know in reality we can find ourselves in situations where we just throw all of this out the window. It’s only by staying in Christ that we’ll be able to overcome. Thank God for His grace! Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

Great post, Marva! These are so important. I struggle more with latent, deep down anger that causes me to snap, and be grouchy. (Rather than all out yelling anger!) I really like your point about BEING A GOOD SPORT. Sometimes I just ask myself, is this worth getting all bent out of shape over? Most times the answer is NO! Helps me get perspective, but it still all adds up to Holy Spirit control doesn’t it? I have to choose to move under His control, not my own!

Ruthie, this is such an important series, friend. Thanks for featuring it.

Betsy, you’re so right, sometimes we really have to ask if it’s worth it. When we look at the situation in a wider context (and through a godly lens) we realise that there a bigger things at stake. Like maintaining the relationship over the long haul. It’s so hard in the moment but His power is made perfect in our weakness. Thanks for stopping by, my friend! Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

Remembering what team we’re on – that is so true. Sometimes we forget that there is a spiritual battle going on, but even in our anger God gives us the ability to remember that we can overcome because He is victorious. Thanks for great tips, Marva.

Thanks for visiting, Carlie. Sometimes I forget about the spiritual battle in the heat of the moment and really do loose my cool. God is teaching me to be humble and admit my mistake — especially with my kids. I know that what they need is a godly example over perfection. Thank God for abundant grace! Blessings to you, Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

I actually started my parenting resolution series back in January because this was me – I was angry, bitter, and totally resentful about my role as a parent. Yet I love being a mom, I love that I can stay home with my children… this was not how I wanted to be.

Your 5 steps are perfect Marva. I love the scripture and encouragement you’ve shared here – and I know exactly whose team I want to be on.

Yay, Jennifer! We’re on God’s team together — now if only we can remember that when we’re on the field. 🙂 I won’t pretend that it’s easy. Can we commit to praying for each other in this area? Thanks, my friend! Marva | sunSPARKLshine