Being ‘broken’ is normal, gaining life back mends self

When shattered parts of your life are replaced with realizing who you are and where you are meant to be. It comes with tough decisions, and with accepting yourself and not caring what others — society, neighbors, even your closest friends — think. That’s hard.

You no longer allow anyone to dictate or persuade you to think, behave or live in ways that are far beyond what you would ever approve yourself, and in a comfort level that is not yours.

In this stage of not “caring,” you transform into who you are meant to be — instead of that person you tried to be in order to meet another’s standards. You free yourself from suffocation and open yourself up to scrutiny and judgment when you finally breathe for the first time — maybe, for the first time, ever.

A book I read during my divorce a few years ago states: “And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anais Nin. The book is “Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow” by Elizabeth Lesser.

It provides this crazy release on life and allows you to not only be vulnerable, but shows you how normal “broken” is — and how rebuilding takes true courage and sacrifice. It is the most honest book I’ve ever read.

The website Huffington Post recently offered five ways to show you’re not broken. Its list focuses on hope, accepting yourself, how we define ourselves — and how from all of this, we grow.

• It is only the mind, your ego, that perceives brokenness: The standard definition of broken is to be separated into two or more pieces. Therefore, you are only fractured to the degree to which you believe you are broken, according to Huffington Post. Your natural state is oneness. By labeling yourself in a negative way, you are making yourself less than, psychologically forcing yourself to take on the qualities of being incomplete, when in truth you are always whole, you are unbreakable. (If this doesn’t help — psychologically or emotionally — know that you will get through whatever it is you’re facing, and reach out to those who will really be there for you. A best friend, a family member, or even someone at your job. Your “natural state” may be one, but at a time when things fall apart around you, make sure someone is close by to pick you up if needed, and who will help put those pieces back together.)

• You are not defined by how your life has been or what you’ve done: Major life events such as becoming a parent, getting a divorce or managing financial loss are not being done to you, they are catalysts for your greatest evolution and growth, according to the article. It may not always feel like this, but it’s these very seminal events that catapult you into a greater state of harmony with yourself. Everything is happening for you, to restore you to balance in your life. (This is the bigger picture we don’t always see right away, and having a strong faith that the end will bring resolve takes work and a lot of dedication. You won’t always feel broken — you will get through this feeling of helplessness and loss. Knowing that in the end it is worth it makes the path getting there manageable.)

• The energy that made you is not judging you: The infinite vibrational field of energy, or God, that shaped you, and left its signature upon you, resonates at the frequency of love and only ever expresses its absolute love for you, according to the article.

• As long as you are breathing, there’s hope: A friend of mine shared this with me a few months ago when I came face-to-face with a family member. We had to repair our relationship in what felt like a now-or-never circumstance, and while the first step was miniscule and emotionally draining, my friend said, “Where there is breath, there is hope.” Whether you feel devastated or elated, annoyed or overjoyed, your emotions are meant to be experienced, according to the Huffington Post article. Once you have fully experienced a particular emotion, it will be replaced by another because emotions are energy in motion and experiencing them allows for them to change form. (Allow this change to happen, whether it is in the form of a personal journey or within a relationship. Not allowing the transformation to take place is damaging.)

• Give up the conflict you have with being yourself: Do you want to know the secret to shifting gears from ordinary to extraordinary? Self-acceptance, according to the article. When you end your resistance to being yourself, exactly as you are right now in this moment, then you will start to experience the shifts that you’ve been looking for all along. (This is where we quit caring. When we finally break free from feeling we are not good enough, to accepting ourselves as we are right now. In this moment. This is where we move forward, and live.)

Kym Klass can be reached at 240-0144 or by email at kklass@gannett.com. Follow her at @kymklass on Twitter or on the Living Well blog at www.montgomery