Laughing Stalk is a weekly newspaper humor column about current events and personal observations. It's published in ten weekly newspapers and the world's first online alt newspaper, The American Reporter.

Friday, January 29, 2010

A One-Sided Conversation With My Daughter

A One-Sided Conversation With My Daughter

Erik DeckersLaughing Stalk syndicateCopyright 2010

"Daddy, are you awake?"

"DADDY!"

"I said, are you awake?"

"I want to watch TV."

"I don't want to watch football."

"You weren't watching it, you were asleep."

"But people don't snore when they rest their eyes."

"How does meditation make you make that noise?"

"Nuh-uh. I don't believe you."

"I'll ask Mommy."

"No, she's — oh, I guess she's meditating too."

"Why can't I watch my show?"

"You can watch football later."

"But my show is on now."

"Yes, twice."

"Well, the DVD is somewhere. We were playing with it."

"No, we were really careful."

"Why?"

"But why?"

"But why are you saying so?"

"We didn't scratch it. We didn't even take it out of the case. We were stacking them all up and building houses out of them."

"Why can't we play houses with the DVDs?"

"What does alphabetical mean?"

"No, she's fast asl — I mean, she's still meditating."

"Oh, hi Mommy."

"Mommy, what does alphabetical mean?"

"It means Daddy's a geek?"

"I don't think you're a geek, Daddy."

"You're welcome."

"So can I watch my show?"

"But why?"

"Why?"

"Because why?"

"That's not fair. You watch football every Sunday, and I only get to watch iCarly once a day."

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About Erik Deckers

Professional writer, book author, marketing agency owner. Newspaper humor columnist since 2004. Co-author of 4 books on social media marketing and content marketing. Named the Kerouac House writer-in-residence for Spring 2016.