A wife, mom, and teacher's look at the world and the mostly good moments in life.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

It's All In My Head

I have a head full of books. The thousands I've read, of course. But also 3 or 4 or 5 or a dozen half written in my brain. Among them are a couple of children's books, a couple of young adult stories, one or two short novels, and a book about overcoming anxiety. The thing is, I can't seem to get them on paper. I have scraps of paper and notebooks with ideas scribbled on them. And I have pages written here and there, but nothing substantial. Except for in my head. They are good ideas. Some really good. Some even inspired.

My dream is to be a writer. A writer who's work gets read by the masses. And who might even get paid for said writings. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid that what sounds so good in my head won't translate to the page. Afraid that my words won't be as treasured by others as they are by me.

But lately I've begun to feel like the servant who buried his talent in the sand to just get it taken away by the master when he returned. I don't want to be that servant. The one who's afraid to use his talent. I want to be the 5 talent servant. The one who takes his five and uses them and multiplies them and in turn glorifies his master. I've always felt able to write and been told I was pretty good at it. I remember often my favorite college English teacher telling me to not waste my writing gift. And I truly don't want to waste it. I want to use it and share it. I want to help and entertain and teach with my words.

So I guess the question is, where do I go from here? Do I step out in faith? Do I put in the work? Do I overcome my fear? Can I do those things? I think I'm ready to try. Wish me luck. Or better yet, say a prayer for me.