To be or not to be.

Whenever I have to fill out forms that need to state what my religion is, my thought goes out to my folks who has, since I was granted existence in this lifetime, raised and ‘conditioned’ me as a Buddhist along the years. I was taught the arrangements of how we should pay our respects to deities, prepare our little offerings, number of joss sticks to burn, special days and traditions we should observe, stuff like that, but was never allowed to question why is it has to be done this way or how it came to be.

I guess when you start to question what you did, especially when it comes to religion, things sort of loses its authenticity and some Godly touch, but as I got older, I begin to feel a build-up resentment for what I have been put through to commit, at least for as long as I’m staying with my folks.

It’s not that I blame them for ‘making’ me a Buddhist, but it’s how generations after generations of most traditional families, mine included, has been taught to become a default follower of religion without allowing ourselves space to become one. Without a certain gain of understanding, you follow like a little lamb. But I don’t see religion as something we should trot ourselves around and about. We should be the bigger picture instead, a believer of the word ‘religion’, and the categories of Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism etc are pretty much up to our personal freedom to fill… or maybe we should open ourselves to all religions out there and not need to fill it at all. After all, how can you become your religion if you don’t believe in it in the first place? And even if you commit yourself to one as a devout, it doesn’t automatically make you a believer either…

The fading yellow strings on my wrist would have meant nothing more as an accessory if I want to, but anyone can wear it for many fancy reasons. In my case, I’m carrying this constant reminder of my personal agenda and what my folks expect me to answer on what my religion is. It’s only a matter of time where a decision-making between the two has to come, for better or worse. Hmm.