The Goddess
By William Dohle
"All praise be to the goddess, now and forever..."
"Amen..."
It was the normal mid-day ritual at the monastery of Zurcam. As
monks, we practiced an acute form of asceticism to the high goddess of
love and virtue. The function of the mid-day ritual was to calm our
hearts and prepare our minds for meditation on her holiness.
For many of us, the ritual did not serve its function today. Today
was a special day in the monastery. Today was the Feast of Eros! Not
many monks participated in this feast since it only occurred once every
fifty years. Its precepts and rituals were a mystery written in the
Great Tome only the Abboto kept.
As the mid-day prayers ceased, I opened my eyes and looked around
at the monks. Peering through the crowd, I could feel the anxiety of
our Order as we awaited the celebration tonight! Walking across the
room, I spoke gently to a brother of mine.
"I anxiously await the arrival of the feast tonight, and you?"
"I have tried to quiet my mind and soul and concentrate on her
Holiness, but the wonder of the Feast astounds me. Perhaps her Holiness
wanted it this way?"
"Perhaps...perhaps this is the reward you receive when you arrive
at a certain time."
"...or the punishment." Brother Kiltern, a friend I had known
since I was a child, walked slowly back to his room. "I shall see thee
at the Feast tonight?"
"Yes indeed" I answered and turned the corner to return to my own
room. There in the privacy of my den, I closed my eyes and prayed to
her Holiness for renewal and peace of mind. It was a hard prayer, but
at last I felt her peace sweep over me. I felt calm and still, as I
usually did in mid-day prayer. Before me I felt her Holiness' presence
smiling down upon me. I looked so small next to her radiance, but I did
not feel uneasy. In fact, I felt her favor fall down upon me.
Suddenly I heard a knock at my door. I looked up and darkness
peered through the window. It was Brother Kiltern, "Brother
Don...Brother Don...awake! The feast begins!"
I felt strange as I dressed in my robe, bowed, and ran down the
hall. The Feast was to begin promptly at dusk and this tardiness would
not be accepted by the Abboto or any others in the monastery. As we
reached the hall, I heard the voice of the Abotto begin to speak. I sat
down near the back so as not to be seen my him or any one of my
superiors.
"Today is a great day in this monastery. As you know, the Feast of
Eros only occurs but once in fifty years. We are privileged to be a
part of this great Feast in this era. I shall now open the Tome and
read for you of the Feast of Eros."
Opening the book, the Abboto fell silence as an ahh sounded across
the audience. The Abbotto then spoke, though not in his usual voice or
tone, "The goddess Speaks: Every fifty years the Feast of Eros shall
commence in my monasteries. One shall come forth in this feast who will
be my Image on Earth. That one shall carry my presence for a single
year after which time they will be released to live a life away from the
monastery but blessed by my Special Blessing." The monk continued
reading, "The monk I have chosen this year is Brother Don."
My heart stopped. Brother Kiltern turned to me with a smile. The
Abbotto continued speaking. "The Abbotto will assist with the
transformation. I look forward to seeing all my monks in the flesh
soon." The Abbotto stopped reading and declared. "This is the word of
the Goddess." The whole assembly responded with, "Amen." Then all was
silent. Many of them, including me, had hoped for a different feast,
one with wine, women, and song. Instead this Feast was an intimate
communion with one individual and no one else. Unfortunately that one
individual happened to be me! For some reason, before the dawn of time,
the Goddess had chosen me to be her vessel in this time and place. I
would, for purposes, carry out her mission here.
As the monks began to exit the room, I too began to leave. The
Abbotto stopped me and motioned me over to his chair. He did not look
pleased as he said, "I see the Goddess has chosen you to be the
recipient of her Holiness. I will not argue with her judgment. We
shall start immediately. Meet me in my study at dawn. There I will
bestow on you the blessings of old and give you the sacred water of
Love." With these words, the Abbotto departed, leaving me alone in the
Great Hall to think and ponder.
The monastery had never been my first choice of occupations or
locations. I had once imagined and even wished to be a graceful dancer
in the theater. As a child I watched the women who danced the theater.
I always wished I could be there, twirling my body and living life to
the fullest. I once told my parents my desire. Their response was
quite clear. Dancing was a women's occupation, not a man's job.
Pursuing it would bring great disgrace on our house. Still, despite
their frowning, I began to study under a young woman, Serina. She
taught me the dances of Nature and the Goddess. Oh how I loved to dance
the night away, praising the earth and the goddess! Often I would sneak
out of the house and there, where no one could see me, break forth in
dance and praising. This continued for some time. One day my parents
found me dancing. They were disappointed and displeased. They
immediately sent me to the monastery and I have been here ever since.
The monks have treated me well over the years. The Abbotto is the
only one who knew of my dancing. He still frowns at me when he passes
in remembrance of my punishment being here. I have tried to concentrate
on the prayers and meditations, but I still hear the music of the dance
calling me away.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
That night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed the Goddess
Herself had come to visit me in my slumber.
"I am so proud of you, Sister Dawn. You above all others have
proven yourself worthy of harvesting my presence."
"I do not understand, Goddess. Why have you chosen me?"
"Do not think of such matters, my Sister. The only thing you need
know is that I love you and promise to be with you. Many changes are
going to be taking place in the next few days. Just remember my
presence is with you and anxiously awaiting your final transformation."
"I will try..." The dream faded and I awoke to a feeling of peace
and security.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
No other dreams occupied my sleep that night. In the morning, I
went to visit the Abbotto in his chamber. He was meditating at his desk
when I knocked at the door.
"Come in, my son," he said as I walked in. "You have been chosen
for a great task, one I am not sure that you are up to handling. In any
case, I will still perform the rituals and have faith in the Goddess'
judgment. She is after all supreme."
"Amen," I said to this statement of faith. The Abbotto walked over
the cabinet and opened a large door. In a small alcove there stood two
candles and a picture of Her Holiness. I had never seen a picture quite
as beautiful as the one painted there and I knew that even it did not
contain her beauty. The Abbotto turned toward me with a large book in
his hand. It was the same tome he had read from the previous night.
"Come here, my son." Taking a large flask, he dipped his fingers
into the liquid and touched my forehead. Reading from the book, he
declared: "Goddess....you have chosen this one to be your messenger into
the world and to carry your image for this monastery. Mold him as clay!
Make him your image that is above all images." A strange feeling came
over me at this point. The words began fading and I could see the
Goddess standing behind the Abbotto, her arms raised and her face
smiling. I could see she was mocking the Abbotto and his ritual. I
chuckled in response.
"Brother Don...do you understand the extremity of these rituals?"
"Yes, Abbotto."
"Then why are you smiling to some stranger behind me? What is so
funny?"
"Abbotto, that is no stranger, that is..." but the Goddess silenced
me. Putting her finger over her mouth, I could tell that she did not
want to be known now.
"That is whom?" the Abbotto insisted.
"No one, your Grace."
Impatience gripped the Abbotto. "I will forego the rest of the
ritual. It is all a bunch of words anyhow." Pushing a vial of liquid
in my hand, the Abbotto said, "Here! Drink this down. This will bring
the essence of the Goddess into you."
"But...what is..."
"Drink now!" the Abbotto said, his face red with rage. "Closing my
eyes, I drank the vial down. The sweet smell of flowers on a cool
afternoon filled my nostrils and the sweet taste of honey touched my
tongue. I smiled. "Now, you may go back to your order. The Feast is
complete!"
Walking out the door, I saw the Goddess in the corner wink at me
and shake her finger mockingly at the Abbotto. I laughed and walked
quietly out the door to proceed with the day's duties.
* * * * * * * *
The rest of the day proceeded normally, though I was a bit giddy
and anxious at all the prayer times. I found myself giggling at nothing
in particular and had to prevent myself from skipping down the hall when
no one was looking. All in all, the day went by as no other had. By
nightfall, I had worried not only the Abbotto but Brother Kiltern as
well. "Something is not right with you," my friend told me. I knew
something was not right, but I could not determine the error in my
action. I felt so full of life and love that I wanted to share it with
these dreary monks! Still I tried to keep this feeling down.
That night, I felt strange. The air was stagnant and hot all
around me. I tried to sleep with my robe on, but found that position
impossible. Locking my door, then I did the forbidden and slept nude on
the hard bed. At first I did not think I would sleep through the night,
but I quickly discovered otherwise.
That night I had a dream. The Goddess came to me in this dream and
stood beside me. I tried to cover myself up, but she tenderly took my
arms away from my body and laid me back down.
"Tonight we will begin your wonderful transformation."
"What transformation," I wondered nervously.
"Just relax. I am the potter, you are the clay. Relax in my hands
and I will mold you into a beautiful creature, more beautiful than you
can possibly imagine!"
"all right," I said, giving into this wonderful woman beside my
bed. Laying down, I felt a strange stiffness come over me. Then her
hands, her wonderful hands, were touching my body. My skin felt tender
to her touch as she began at my legs. She molded my feet first, making
them more round and slender. They looked like the feet of my mother
before I left home. She would often walk around the house barefoot and
I use to watch her feet. These feet, though, held something more than
hers did. I could feel an energy rise in them. These feet wanted to
move! The Goddess molded my toes and moved up my leg. Wherever she
touched, the skin turned soft and hairless. The muscles began to
regroup themselves and I could see a definite shape in my legs as she
moved up my lower legs stopping at my knees.
"Did anyone ever tell you your knees were square?"
"My mother once," I replied. "That was an excuse she found for
forbidding me to dance."
"Well, we will just have to fix that." I felt my knees rearranging
themselves, become sturdier and more flexible. Their shape turned round
instead of square and a faint smile crossed the Goddess' face. "There,
that should be better now." Moving her hand up my calf, she made that
too smooth and hairless, throwing a bit of energy there as she had done
with my feet."
"There, that should do you for tonight," she told me as she got up
and walked out the room.
"When will I see you again," I called out after her.
"See me again? Why we are a part of each other, sister. Soon you
will be able to look in the mirror and see my face."
"Oh..." I said as she took her leave. The dream ended, but the
rest of the night I could not sleep. I had lost the legs I had fallen
asleep with and had gained two very feminine looking legs.
* * * * * * * *
The next day I tried to hide my new appendages under my robe. It
worked fairly well, though I had a few people staring at my feet as we
walked up the stairs, face down, to the room for mid-day prayer and
petitions. In hopes of avoiding any frontal contact, I kept my face
down during the prayers in "deep humility."
After prayer, a deep longing to escape the monastery came over me.
The monastery where I had been staying these last years was not without
a garden. The garden, conveniently located in the center of the
monastery where none could escape, was filled with lush vegetation. One
could theoretically get lost in such a place if it were not for the four
convenient exits. I found myself wandering around in this Eden,
completely oblivious to my surroundings. In the center of the brush, I
pulled up my robe and peered down at my new legs. They seemed so
graceful and elegant, as if they had been molded for a particular
purpose.
Above me, the chanting of the monks signaled mid-afternoon. I
stopped what I was doing and knelt down in prayer. As the monks sang,
my feet began to feel jumpy. I stood up and began to move with the
chanting. The dance carried me throughout the brush. Careful not to
disturb others, I quietly danced through the meadow, praising the
goddess of love and virtue for all she had done. I found myself moving
to the dances I had learned as a youth, but this time as a graceful
participant in them instead of a clumsy man following the steps laid by
another woman. I felt so alive and renewed as the chanting stopped!
Taking a deep breath, I walked back to my room. What had I done, I
thought. I had suddenly broken out in dance. It was as if that dance
had been harboring in me all along and had sprung out when I heard the
mid-day chanting. I feared what would have happened if I had been in a
more public place. I was sure I could not have stopped dancing even if
asked to stop. This potential both frightened and excited me. So,
careful to avoid any music or dancing, I retreated to my room after
dinner.
* * * * * * * *
That night I anxiously awaited the Goddess' arrival. What new
dances would she teach me tonight, I thought. As I drifted to sleep, I
once again saw her stow her way into my room, a smile brightly shining
on her face. "So, Sister, did you enjoy the dance?"
"Oh yes, your Holiness. I felt so...so...alive!"
The Goddess smiled again. "And so you should...but I am far from
done with you, my precious."
"Will you teach me a new dance?"
"Later perhaps. Now I need you to lie down for me."
I did as she said, though I was still clothed. This did not seem
to matter today as I felt her smooth hands pass over my body. The same
stiffness came over me as did a sense of peace. Gracefully, the Goddess
moved her attention to my hands. Taking one of them in her hands, she
massaged them until a warmth developed within them. Then she spread out
my hand and taking each finger individually, she moved her own fingers
over them. I could feel them getting softer and the scars that I had
known since I was a child disappearing. My nails grew long and my
fingers round. Then she moved her hands up my arm and I watched in awe
as new changes occurred there. The dark skin and black hair that had
once occupied my arm was replaced by a soft, white skin and blonde hair.
The moved her hand up my arm, pass my elbow, and onto my upper arm.
Where ever she touched, the skin grew whiter than it had been, the hair
blonde. As she reached my upper arm, the Goddess took more care. I
could feel my arm shrinking in her touch. As she moved away, I
understood the reason. The muscle that I had worked for when I was a
child had suddenly shrank as had my arm.
Moving to the other side of me, she did the same with the other
arm. Now my arms and legs matched! The Goddess smiled. "So you liked
the dance, did you?"
"Uh..I guess..." I said, waiting if she was going to continue her
work tonight.
"I am so happy to hear that because I want you to continue to
dance! Continue to move to my music."
"I will try, my Goddess..."
"That is good," she said, wiping her brow. "I will of course
continue my work tomorrow." Winking, she walked out of my dream as I
awoke once again to a newly changed body.
* * * * * * * *
The dance started earlier today, this time in plain sight of most
of my Brothers. We had just begun mid-day prayer when suddenly my legs
started moving. As my legs moved, my arms also joined. They seemed so
graceful and I could not remember such grace since I watched the dancers
back when I was a child, but their gracefulness seemed inappropriate at
this particular time. The monks stared at me as I moved my hands and
legs, slowly and serenely, to the beat of the chanting. The motions
appeared random to me, but had some rhythm to them. The chanting monk
did not stop, perhaps our of fear or perhaps out of awe. Then I
understood the dancing. I was telling the story of the goddess from her
beginnings until now, only I was dancing to her story instead of singing
it. I was a participant now in a story older than the earth and
everything in it. As this revelation hit me, I found a joy building
inside of me. To think that the goddess would choose me to convey her
story to the world, to tell all in such a unique and beautiful way!
The chanting stopped and with it my dancing. As I stopped moving,
I found myself face to face with the Abbotto. He did not appear too
pleased with my conduct, but did not keep me back. I found my friend,
Brother Kiltern later who asked me in a broken whisper:
"Where did you learn how to do such things?"
"I do not remember.... they just came to me!"
"I know, "he said looking around, "but don't you know that it is
what women do. Dancing is not for men. Good reflection is a man's work
in this world."
"Perhaps that will change soon," I said to his stern disapproval.
Then, restating myself I said, "I will try to refrain myself." With a
nod, he walked off.
The rest of that day I tried desperately to understand my actions.
The dance I did in the garden and the dance for mid-day prayers both had
some connection with the Goddess, but how? She had told me last night
that I should continue dancing. Was this her doing? I made it a point
to ask her about this later tonight when she visited me. I wish I could
have asked her then, though, because for the rest of the day the monks
treated me as though I had committed some cardinal sin. Walking around
with their heads down, they made a faint motion toward me in rebuke. I
understood this motion from when I had arrived here. This was their way
of telling me to change my ways.
And so, I spent the rest of the night in my quarters, contemplating
my deed. I must have fallen asleep in the midst of these
contemplations, because the door opened and the Goddess entered, her
face radiantly shining with a smile and a laugh.
"I hear you really disturbed the monks today," she said to me.
"I have been confined to my quarters...unofficially of course, but
still just as pressing."
"Dancing never hurt anyone. They ought to try it sometime."
"They would never do anything like that. That is a woman's job
after all. It would take the Goddess herself to come down and tell them
to dance before they would begin."
"Precisely..."she beamed. "Now, lie down and we will begin our
nightly exercises. You are becoming such a beautiful creature!"
I could not help but obey her wishes. She was the Goddess after
all, though I was beginning to get a bit nervous of this transformation
she was performing on me. Thus far, the two transformations that I had
undergone, namely my legs and my arms, had been purely out of necessity.
That is what I thought at least. What could she possibly transform
now?
Lying down, the stiffness came suddenly. Then the Goddess moved
around to my head. With her finger tips, she massaged my scalp. I
closed my eyes to revel in the feeling. Moving across my scalp, the
Goddess moved her soft fingers to my face beginning with my forehead and
moving across and down until she had covered every inch of my face. I
did not notice anything differently here at first. Her fingers felt so
soft and cool. When she had finished, every inch of my head was relaxed
and at peace. She smiled at me and said in her sweet voice, "You may
open your eyes now, Sister."
I opened my eyes and at once noticed that my hair had grown longer.
With no mirror in the room, I could not tell how long it had grown or
what I looked like now. I felt a little stranger, now. My lips felt
larger and my face felt more circular. The Goddess smiled softly at me
as she left. "Tomorrow we shall complete the picture for you, my
darling. Then you will know what it is to be in the image of the
Goddess!" The door closed and once again I found myself awake, only
this time it was already morning.
* * * * * * * *
I had just barely fallen back to sleep when Brother James came
knocking at my door. I opened it with sleep covering my face. "What do
you want, Brother?"
His jaw fell open. "What happened to you, Brother?"
"What do you mean," I asked.
"Your face, your hair. They look like those of my sister back
home. Where did you acquire this?"
"You would not believe me when I told you," I said as I closed the
door. Today I was not in the mood for anyone milling over me, but I
knew that it was exactly what I was going to have today whether I liked
it or not. I went to morning breakfast, only to have the entire
monastery looking oddly at me. I tried to eat in peace, praying to the
Goddess for strength and wisdom. One Brother who had been there longer
than I came close to me. He was known to be a harsh one with words and
often was confined in his quarters for his statements to others. He
came close to me and whispered in my ear, "Did the dancing woman finally
have her face done properly?" I turned around suddenly only to see his
ghastly grin. With a sneer, I quickly exited the room.
I did not arise from my quarters that entire day. Even at the
Abbotto's knock, I still did not answer the door. I did not know what I
looked like, but from the reaction of others, I must look quite
different. By touch alone I could determine that. I no longer had any
facial hair. My skin was as soft as silk. My cheeks had more to them
too. My entire face had grown plump last night. My eyes opened wider
they seemed and my nose too felt odd. Most odd were the lips that I ate
with. They also felt quite large and full. And then there was my hair.
I did not even want to think of that.
So that entire day I spent alone in my room, thinking, and waiting
for the new changes this Goddess would bestow onto me.
* * * * * * * *
That night on schedule, the Goddess arrived in my room. I was
ready for her this time.
"What do you think you are doing," I cried at her. "Now I cannot
even go out in public! People stare at me and think me a freak!"
The Goddess only smiled and nodded. I could tell she had heard
this from others before, though I could only imagine what other people
had told her. "You shall feel differently today," she said sweetly. "I
am about to put the finishing touches on my masterpiece. Now lie
down..."
"...but you Holiness, I do not..."
"Just lie down!" she said with a force that compelled me to obey.
I did as she commanded and at once felt the same stiffness. I had begun
getting use to this feeling. "Before I begin, I must tell you
something. Today I am going to make you a woman. As a woman, you must
behave as a woman would behave. You are not to touch yourself except to
wash yourself. Only the man whom you will choose later in life will be
able to please you in this way, do you understand?"
I did not understand at the time, but I nodded my head
nevertheless. The Goddess continued, "If you are to be my image, you
must do as I do. Do not ever please yourself. Pleasure only comes
through the man whom you will choose." After this repetition, she put
her hands on my chest. The skin became smooth and soft to her touch and
the hair that had grown on it disappeared at once. Then, slowly, I saw
her kneed my flesh as one would kneed clay when fashioning a pot. First
she fashioned my nipples and made them larger. Then with two fingers,
she pinched them softly. I could feel a spark run down my spine and the
Goddess grinned. Then taking the flesh around my nipples, she kneaded
it and created two perfectly round sized breasts, each the same size as
the other. They were not too large, but still quite prominent on my
body.
"Now I shall begin the most important part of all," she said as she
rubbed her hands together. Bowing her head and closing her eyes, she
began to chant incoherently. A yellow glow grew between her hands. Her
chanting grew louder and louder until finally she separated her hands
and placed them both on my stomach. I could feel something change
within me as my stomach began to grow in size. Now I looked as my
mother had looked before my sister had been born. The glow now came from
my stomach and with it I felt a pulling sensation between my legs. I
could hear the Goddess still beside me chanting, "Life...life..."she
said mixed with words I could not understand. I now knew what she was
doing. She was giving me the ability to bear life, to bear children.
She was finally making me into a woman!
Her chanting grew more and more quiet as she removed her hands.
The size of my stomach began to decrease as did the glow. In just
moments, my stomach was flat but smooth and soft.
"There, my child. Now you are a woman," the Goddess said with a
sigh. The task had exhausted her and she began to take her leave.
"My Goddess," I said, my voice still low and masculine. The
Goddess smiled and came toward me again.
"I forgot one important part. We cannot forget to change that."
Placing one finger on my throat, she said, "Now may your words be my
words. May my words pour forth from your mouth as a river and renew
this place once more." Then with a sigh, she left.
I did not know whether I wanted to wake or not. I knew now that
waking in the morning would not change what had happened to me that
night. Something miraculous had happened tonight, but I was afraid to
see the implications. I closed my eyes and covered myself before I woke
up. My mind would need a little time to get use to these new changes.
* * * * * * * *
A loud knock awoke me in the morning. "Brother Don. Awake and
meet me in my chambers!" It was the Abbotto. He had obviously heard
what had happened to me the day before and was probably preparing to
dismiss me. I got out of bed, forgetting what had happened the night
before. Two perfectly round breasts greeted me on my chest. I would
need to get use to these soon, I thought as I pulled my robe on. I
tried to hide my features but found I could not. With the robe tied
around my waist, my new cleavage still hung out. I shrugged my head and
went to meet the Abbotto for dismissal.
Walking down the hall, I did not expect the reaction that I
received. Monks that had once had their heads down suddenly shot up in
surprise and followed me with their eyes until I was out of sight. I
could feel the attention of the whole monastery and for the first time I
felt totally at ease with it. With a brisk knock on the door, I walked
into the Abbotto's chambers. The Abbotto was stunned, but tried to
quickly regain his senses again.
"Brother Don. It appears that something odd has happened to you
this week. I urge you now to consider leaving the monastery before
anything else happens."
I opened my mouth, but the words that fell out of them did not
sound like my words. They were soft and feminine, but still held
authority in them. "Brother Abbotto, I will not leave. I have much
work here in this monastery. The Goddess has come and she is now among
you." I took off my robe and let it fall to the floor. "I am the
Goddess," I said to him. The Abbotto's face grew pale as his eyes ran
up and down my body. "This was once a temple for my glory. I am the
Goddess of love and virtue. You have made my dwelling a house for holy
men. Men who have never heard of love or virtue. You pride yourself on
your rituals, but you do not have my spirit. Therefore, I declare that
from now on this monastery will be a house of dancing and singing. The
morning, mid-day, and evening prayers will be abolished and dancing will
commence immediately.
The Abbotto's face was frozen, his jaw open and his eyes still on
my new body. Then, rising from his chair, he moved to the door. "I
shall inform the others, my Goddess," he said. Closing the door behind
him, he left me alone in the chambers.
The robe that I had worn still sat on the floor. I would not need
it now, I thought. This monastery needs to be awaken, and it cannot be
awaken until they see the full figure of the goddess. So, naked, I
strode out into the monastery again, ready to face the future.
* * * * * * * *
I cannot say that things changed rapidly, though they did change in
ways I could not have imagined. The Abbotto had told everyone of his
encounter in his study and had immediately consulted the tomes and books
of old, confirming that indeed my presence here was the presence of the
goddess. Taking me by the hand, the Abbotto lead me up a flight of
stairs to the secret room reserved for the goddess when she comes. I
was given a large wardrobe of elegant dresses which I wore around the
halls and to everything except the dancing. Everyone in the temple
accepted me as the embodiment of the Goddess and took every word of mine
to heart. The Abbotto gave the authority to me, honoring me with his
words of faith.
One thing still disturbed me, though, and that was the prayer
schedule. Scheduled prayers had become a bore and I wanted to change
their celebration. I had come for some purpose, I thought, and that was
to shake the lives of these monks from complacency to rejoicing. I
would be worshipped as I wished. The monks were more hesitant when it
came to changing their routines, but slowly things did change. A core
group of monks, known as the Rejoicers, began to assemble in the central
garden with me. These monks, which I counted as the highest of my
devotees, participated with me in the dance of silence, a dance we
danced naked in celebration of love and virtue. This dance
traditionally involved only women, but I decided to change that and
involve the men of the monastery in it. It was a beautiful occasion and
one of the things I awoke every morning to participate in. Many of my
fellows from the monastery, including Brother Kiltern, danced among the
flowers and plants celebrating life in this way with me.
* * * * * * *
One day a young man came to the monastery. He was dressed to
travel and had all the necessary provisions. I escorted him in and
began to talk with him.
"What is your name?" I asked him politely.
"Frederick...and yours?"
"It is no matter," I said, avoiding the answer. "Where are you
from?"
"Quite a distance away. I have been traveling for sometime."
"Would you like a place to stay," I said, secretly anticipating an
affirmative answer.
"Yes, I would," he said with a smile. I found myself staring
strangely into his large brown eyes. They were eyes of a wild and free
man, tamed by nothing except the passion to explore.
"I will show you to your room," I said shyly. Strange feelings had
surrounded me at this point. An electricity that I had never known
pulsed up and down my spine as I spoke to him. I walked him to his
room, the entire monastery staring at this new arrival. I wondered if
anyone could see my attraction, but I did not care. Something inside of
me wanted to be with him more than anything.
Things move slowly at a monastery, even one of the Goddess of Love
and Virtue. Frederick did not leave as he had anticipated and during
the next few weeks, he and I became good friends. Often, after the
Rejoicers had danced at mid-day, we would walk together among the
flowers and trees, talking and laughing. I found myself strangely
attracted to him. His eyes glowed with a radiance that I had never seen
before. He seemed so curious about life and the world. I feel
passionately in love with him. Still I did not want him to know me for
who I was or to know who I had been before. The anxiety of this
information still haunted me, though.
"Why are all these people here really?" he asked one day while we
were in the garden.
"What do you mean?" I asked in my usual question avoiding manner.
"These monks or priests or whatever all seem different
somehow...different than ordinary men at least!"
"Huh," This puzzled me even more. Everyone seemed to look the
same as when I had entered some years back. True people had grown old
and some had died, but they were all essentially the same people.
"Take that priest over there," he said pointing to Brother Kiltern.
"Look at him closely. You will notice something quite odd.
I looked closely at my brother. Nothing seemed odd to me. His
naturally long black hair fell down around his shoulders. His figure
had improved in the last year and I had noticed a small brown spot
developing on his right cheek. He had spoken to me about two lumps that
had developed on his chest, but I had not paid too much attention to
anything else.
"I do not see anything odd about him?"
Surprised, Frederick asked, pointing at another one of the
Rejoicers "What about that priest over there?"
Looking closely I did not notice anything odd about him either.
His long hair had been pulled back into a braid. He, like Brother
Kiltern, had lost incredible weight from the dancing and had also
developed two lumps on his chest. His face was round and smooth and he
noted the other day that he had not shaved in some time. In addition to
this, his voice had gone up a few octaves, making him an ideal soprano
in those dances that required singing.
"I do not see your point," I told him.
Frederick became impatient. "They are all so feminine looking!
Something is or has happened here. They have all become women!"
Looking again at my brothers, I noticed that Frederick was correct.
All the brothers who had participated in the dancing with me had become
quite feminine in the last year, many to the point of actually becoming
women. They had not noticed as I had not noticed. We had all been too
caught up in the dance. Frederick looked at me puzzled. "Now will you
tell me who you are?"
I was a bit hesitant to say anything, but decided that it was best
for the man I loved to know a little about me. With a sigh and began:
"Frederick, I am the goddess of love and virtue sent down to heaven for
a year to share my life with this monastery. I have nearly been here a
single year and have been awaiting my return. Sister Dawn, the woman
you are speaking with and have fallen in love, is the mortal through
which I have come to this place. She is everything you have fallen in
love with and more!"
Frederick looked a little puzzled. "I think I will be leaving
tomorrow. My time here is at an end."
Frederick's words hit me. "Why," I frantically asked him as he
started to get up. "What have I done to you?"
Frederick smiled, a smile that reminded me of the goddess who had
visited me those months past. "I have fallen in love with you, goddess
Sister Dawn. Unless I can have you as my own, I must take my leave from
this place or find myself forever in your midst and perhaps as
unfortunate as your brothers here." With that, Frederick walked back to
his room.
* * * * * * *
There was no dancing that evening. I spent the evening silently in
my bedroom, pondering what Frederick had said. I did not know when I
was going to have to leave, but the year was nearly up. As I thought so
hard about the future and about my love, I fell asleep and dreamed.
In my dream, the goddess came and stood before me. She smiled down
on me and said in her sweet voice, "You have served me well, young one.
You deserve my blessing." Putting her hand on my head, she said
quietly, "I bless you with the life and vitality of women everywhere.
May you go and live with your Frederick. May you nurture him and his
children until the day you die when you will at last rejoin me in my
bosom." Taking her hand from me, the goddess began to leave.
"Wait," I yelled after her. The goddess stopped walking and turned
around. "I have so many questions. What do I do now?"
"Go and meet your bow. You have chosen him and he will be yours."
Nodding my head, I remembered the Rejoicers. "Why did your
presence change things so radically? What happened to my brothers?"
"There are reasons for all the folk legends everywhere. Did you
not think that the dances you danced to me would change the dancers?
Dancing is meant for women or men open to the changes the dancing can
bring. Those men were open to such change because of you. They were
prominently changed and made into manifestations of the dance in which
they celebrate."
"What will happen when you leave?" I asked, puzzled.
The goddess just smiled. "I have never left my people. The
Rejoicers we started will continue dancing and may even recruit others
to join the dance. Their gender means little to them now. The dance is
the only thing that must remain. For the others, the chanters and such,
they will continue the tradition they have passed down for another fifty
years when I will again choose one to mold and come into." Moving to
the door, she said, "I must go now, my child. Live the life that is
within you and do not forget to teach your children the dance."
"I will, my sister. Thank you."
As she left, a loud knock sounded through the door. "Sister Dawn,"
Frederick said. "Goddess, can I come in?"
"Of course," I said sitting on my bed.
Frederick came in with his pack on his shoulder. "I must say, my
goddess, that I will now take my leave of you."
"You'd better not," I snapped at him, grinning.
"I need to go," he said.
"Not without me," I told him.
Frederick smiled. "What do you mean? Are you not needed here?"
"The monks will take care of themselves, the goddess has told me.
I am no longer needed. She has given me her blessing for children and
long life if only I choose a man. And I have chosen you, Frederick!
So, by the power of the goddess that remains in me, I order you to take
me from this place and into your life!"
Grinning, Frederick nodded. "Gladly, my goddess!"
"Just call me Dawn, Frederick..."
Gathering the few supplies I had with me, I walked arm in arm with
Frederick out the doors I had never left. As we left, Frederick said,
"Dawn...how did you ever get this way?"
"You will never believe me," I said as I closed the brass doors to
the monastery.
"Try me," he said, lifting me on his horse.
"Well, it all started way back...."