Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Before the gossip spins wildly out of control (if it hasn't already), I'd better give an accurate account of the events last Christmas party. The following events have been discussed with the bf and he's apologized.

The short: Shane had his arm around Jared Jr. for the entire length of a movie. He was stupidly drunk at the time.(In fact, most of my friends were there too and hardly noticed as far as I can tell)

The long:Well, Shane got stupidly drunk. It was the Christmas party at the doc's place, and wine & Baileys was flowing freely.

Shane hasn't been spending much time with me during the party. He had gone to Melaka in Api's car and spent most of his time chatting with everyone else. That's okay - he gets to see me most everyday and he wanted to spend some time with them. After a good many drinks, everyone starts to watch a romantic movie, "Love Actually". Shane is sitting on the couch with Jared Jr with one arm around Jared. I'm not on the couch and wasn't invited to sit next to him.

At first I get about doing my own things. We're not attached to the hips, and I want to spend time with friends too. When I come back to him though, the arm is still around Jared. I start flicking his arm periodically, exchanging confused looks with Jared Jr. and mentioning that they were a bit on the close side. The arm never moves away. I move up and down and around, hoping that when I get back to him he'd have changed positions. At last I find that Shane's now sleeping on Jared (was it on his lap or his shoulder? I can't remember).

Feeling upset, I go up to the room alone and stay there. Eventually, my room mates find out I'm upset when they comes back to sleep (or was it the next morning?)

Why such a big reaction from me? Mostly because something like it has happened before at Frangi's. Shane had a crush on someone at the Frangi's party, and while we were driving home that someone had to sit on his lap due to lack of space. Apparently they held hands, and the next day he went kinda gaga over the his crush for a while. Shane's told me about it and apologized profusely for this, and I forgave him quickly. But you can see why I'd be a little insecure this time around, especially since Shane's mentioned before that he was now attracted to Jared Jr instead.

Thoughts running through my head: Did I forgive him too quickly? Did he think that it was okay for him to act out his crushes with other people while he was my bf? Was he going to do something funny with someone else every time he gets a bit of alcohol in his system?

Keep in mind, all he did was keep his arm around Jared Jr. this time. And he was stinking drunk at the time too.

Anyways, Shane's apologized to me over the matter (although now and then I hear him mumble something about "I didn't do anything").

So anyway, a discussion. Just how much physical contact do *you* feel is appropriate for a man in a relationship with his friends? (Feel free to say what you sincerely feel - whatever you say probably won't really incriminate Shane much since he was filled to his ears with alcohol at the time to be held accountable)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

So yeah, I'm desperately trying to find a place that wants to hire a guy who just graduated with Masters of Special Education. It hasn't been easy - I appeared to have forgotten that Malaysia is still a pretty backward country when it comes to disability services.

If I can't find work in KL, I don't really know what to do. I have so many things that I can't bear to leave behind here.

Friday, December 07, 2007

I've been meaning to intro everyone to the newest member of the menagerie, Muffin! The lovely BF helped me choose this cuddly fellow for my mum, hence he usually hangs out at her place. That's her chair he's sitting on btw.

Earlier names suggested were Furface the Furred/Fearless (which my brother insists on), Bwoosh (my original name for him), Furball (but that was too common) among others, but my mum settled on Muffin.

The short stubbly arms and legs perfectly complement the facial expression and the ball-shaped figure. I pick him up and hug the silly looking pillow dog every time I visit my mum. :)

Hee. Very adorable. Well, if adorable soft toy designs don't interest you, there's always a different flavor that may be preferable. ;)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Different families have different values and cultures. Pretty obvious if you think about it, but being young myself I've not actually had the opportunity of observing different family values clashing badly. Maybe it's because of my lack of a significant other up until this point?

The opportunity to spend a lot of time in Shane's house is definitely a blessing, and I'm very thankful about it. It isn't easy to get along with the parents of your boyfriend, especially if you're a guy yourself! But somehow it's worked out that way - although methinks Shane's parents are more comfortable seeing me as a godson rather than their son's lover.

Staying over in another family's house though takes some getting used to - I'm so used to a n exchange of greetings as soon as I appear in my mum's house and sometimes reminded by her to greet my step-father. Not all families have that culture, apparently. Also, different people have different ways to make their point heard. Me and my mum are used to talking slowly and exchanging points. My brother tries to do the same, but somehow falls short of the calm manner. My biological father's patented method of course was to undermine your self confidence and ridicule you into submission. It was really ugly watching him do it to my mum. But I digress.

Different families also have their different share of problems. Living at Shane's place puts me in a different perspective and partially experience different types of problems. It's like an education by hardship without having to go through it yourself.

My mum really isn't too happy that I spend so much time there. To her, parents shouldn't allow boyfriends to live in with them so often. But that's the values that she holds - not the values held by their family. Besides that, they've gotten so used to me being around. But really, my mum admits she's getting jealous. Possessive? With good reason - me, my mum and my bro have been sticking together for quite a while now.

Friday, November 16, 2007

You know how some people always have trouble finding food they like? These same people that try to avoid Chinese dinners and stop eating very quickly into the meal? I noticed that these same people usually also complain about oily foods. Hence my running theory - the oil aversion gene.

My cousin from Australia who I just met in fact mentioned it. Food is too oily, or something to that effect. Over the dinner table the family was talking about picky eaters and gourmets, so I asked my aunt if that same cousin likes Dim Sum. He didn't apparently. Neither do I. It makes me jelak very quickly, and makes my stomach uncomfortable.

In fact, after eating, the smell of oil usually repulses me. Seriously, I can't tand the smell of cooking oil after eating. If I pass by someone frying food after a meal the smell sends me reeling.

The running hypothesis is that I have an aversion to oily food. The body doesn't process it properly, or subtlely suggests that I avoid eating too much of it. The cause for the gene would be for health reasons - taking too much oily and fatty foods is bad for the health. So the body sets an instinct to avoid such foods after a certain amount has been consumed.

Of course, there are technical issues with the hypothesis (Evolution of a new gene? Caused by need only? Through what theoretical evolutionary mechanism?). But anyway, from a practical point of view, people like me can be kept perfectly happy at meal times by providing food that is less oily and fatty. Once the need is recognised, it can be accomadated for.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The title says it all. I just finished my last paper for my masters, so my next priority is finding work. Hopefully a uni will accept me as a tutor so I can sneak my way into the academic sector somehow. It looks pretty tough - but I'll start on it as soooon as I get some form of dependable internet.

Which I do not have. Right now I'm using dial-up on insane my lap top which rejects wireless at some places and accepts it at other places. (So I accidentally deleted something important in my lap top. I tried to fix it, really I did) , and am chocked full with social stuff and chores that need my immediate attention. Still, job hunt soon.

Nathan Sawaya making art from Lego! More of this from Brickartists.com

Gossip Queen

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? Shane2. What were you doing at 0800? Sleeeping.3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Surfing the net.4. What happened to you in 2006? I met someone special. :)5. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Love you very much."6. How many beverages did you have today? Just water7. What color is your hairbrush? Just a comb - a blue one.8. What was the last thing you paid for? Toll.9. Where were you last night? Dinner with brother, his date and his date's friends.10. What color is your front door? Brown.11. Where do you keep your change? Left pants pocket12. What’s the weather like today? Looks cool, not too sunny13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? CHOCOLATE. Duuuh.14. What excites you?15. Do you want to cut your hair? Not really.16. Are you over the age of 25? Yes.17. Do you talk a lot? Nope.18. Do you watch the O.C.? Hardly watch tv.19. Do you know anyone named Steven? I used to... I think.20. Do you make up your own words? Myah.... lemme think about this one.21. Are you a jealous person? Seems like I'm not.22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Alex23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. ...24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Shane25. What does the last text message you received say? Erm, I deleted the last ones. Currently it's "Sorry to hear about your father"26. Do you chew on your straw? Nope.27. Do you have curly hair? No28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Melaka or Shane's house29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? Father and brother30. What was the last thing you ate? Dinner with brother and gang31. Will you get married in the future? Not unless it gets legalised32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? ...can't remember33. Is there anyone you like right now? Absolutely34. When was the last time you did the dishes? I just washed some cups35. Are you currently depressed? No36. Did you cry today? No37. Why did you answer and post this? Cos I got tagggged38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey… Super Boing Boing, Woggles, Mc Duff, Muffin, and Little Sammy Stripes.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It has been noted somewhere that I am evil personified. How untrue this is. Look at the photo of my handsome face above: Does this look like the face of evil to you?

Behold my benevolence - I have decided to organize the building of an orphanage! Yes, do not balk. Long half I seen the plight of orphans and their suffering under the hands of society. The poor orphans lack proper nutrition, a warm bed to sleep at night, running water,electricity and an X-box 360 of their own. Can you imagine that?

But no longer! I, Super Boing Boing, have decided to pt an end to their suffering! ...No, not like that you simpleton. I might have considered that, but I have found the perfect site for an orphanage:

Yes, that's right folks! By purchasing these sizzzzling gay twink videos (though admittedly some of them aren't really twinks), not only do you get to satisfy your desire for steaamy homo action but you also get to do something charitable for the poor senior citizens! Don't dally, order your copy today!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Monday, October 08, 2007

We're eating dinner at Pizza Hut - mostly for the sake of going out and not staying home all day to rot.

Me: It's just a ring Mama. Nothing really.Grandma: Can I see it?Me: Sure.

She rolls it around in her hands, examining it. Perhaps looking for a name or dedication. Fortunately for me, there aren't any.

Grandma: So now you're wearing this ring instead of your broken sword?Me: Yeah. I stopped wearing the broken sword long ago Mama.

She hands it back, asking no further questions. Probably because it's easy to tell that I'm not going to be giving any answers.

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Good grief, I used to write such emo posts! I could hardly stand to read the one I just linked that I wrote some time back. Of course, considering what type of rut I was in at the time it was hardly surprising.

As a result of my inevitable realization that I was gay after many years of struggle with faith, it became apparent that I needed to work with what I was and make the best of the situation. There was a hitch, however.

Most gay men can expect to die alone and spend most of their living days alone. This was something I believed, something that I still suspect is true. At least for gay men who don't marry a woman for whatever reasons.

Not that single hood is such a horrible thing and should never be chosen, but like many others it wasn't something that I personally was looking forward to. I wanted to at least experience a romantic relationship with another human being. A proper one where I wasn't just trying to un-gay-ify myself by hooking up with a girl.

So my plan was this. Make more PLU friends, hang out in groups, get to know them, build relationships. Everything else will follow. Simple huh?

It turned out to be much harder than expected. For the most part, finding PLUs who just wanted to hang out was the problem. I was relying mostly on profiles like Fridae and Axcest to find other PLUs. In my own profile I wrote, "Please don't send me hearts /kisses/spanks - send me a message instead. Sending me a hear/kiss/spank without a message will let me know you didn't bother to read the profile and just looked at the picture"

AS you might have guessed, almost everyone sent hearts/kisses/spanks without a message. Busted.

So I was sending messages here and there on the profile, trying to find people on the profiles with similar goals as myself. It was very very tough. Even my mum noticed how much time and energy I was expending into my search. Driven she called me. And after about a year or two of constant poking at the profile sites, I had nothing much to show for it.

Finally I found Derek's profile, which eventually led me to his blog. The wheels turned slowly, and through blogging I found a means to get to know these wonderful guys I hang out with now. That and a certain special someone to call my own (whose house I'm bunking at now. Again).

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The ring that my grandmother was examining was given to me by Shane. Before I left for Australia the last time I went down, he bought us both rings to wear. We still wear it out today.

I'm sorry I can't share with grandma my recently found happiness. But at least she can see the fruits of my search, after long last.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Spent the last few days in Melaka again, driving grandpa (Kong Kong) around to do some chores, mostly banking. Lots of illegal parking was involved, and boy can policemen scribbling out summons nearby make one sweat!

We ended of the day by buying lunch back to eat with grandma (mama), from Kong Kong's favourite chap fan (aka economy rice aka nasi campur). Of course, more illegal parking was involved.

Mama: Look at all that food!Me: Yeah, it does look really good too.

The food consisted of curry chicken, tau-yu pork, eggplant with spicy seasoning, tau fu with minced meat, sweat and sour fish, and an egg pseudo ommelette with preserved radish thingy. Served with rice.

Later,

Mama: Now, wasn't that a good lunch?Me: Truly.Kong Kong: You see, so much good food for so little. Melaka is great for cheap and good food.Me: To be honest, I prefer eating food like this to the extravagant Chinese dinners.Mama: So do we. We also prefer simple food.Me: Really? Then why do we go to Chinese dinners so often?Mama: Oh, we just like to go out to eat at these places so we don't feel so "jakun".Me: ...huh? Hrm. I don't feel that way.Mama: You might not feel the need to eat certain things, but people who don't have the chance will crave for it.Me: Oh? ...I see. So it's like craving for something because you can't have it.Mama: Exactly. Since you have tried it, it's easier for you to choose to eat what you really want to eat. People who don't have the chance will naturally want to eat expensive foods more often.

Mama: But really, our needs are very basic.Kong kong: I think we should eat lunches like this together more often though.Me: My sentiments exactly.

So there you have it, another trait of my grandparents. It pleases me that I've inherited some of the traits of my grandparents, while it was my mum who brought me up mostly.

It also pleases me to note that while they usually buy too much food, apparently my grandparents usually eat what they can and chuck the rest away the same day. Hee.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Everyone's all abuzz about the same topic in Malaysia. I am no different.

The photo showing her before her disappearance shows a cute, smiling and healthy looking girl. The photo on the left shows the body of a girl who was starved and sexually brutalized to death.

It's no wonder her parents didn't recognize her.

Post mortem shows that her passing was very recent. But Nurin Jazlin first went missing nearly a whole month ago. Assuming that she went missing because she was kidnapped by the murderer, conjecture would indicate that she had been starved of food and had undergone sexual torture for the entire time she was missing. Only until her body gave way under the intense torment did she gain some form of respite.

Whoever did this was sick to the core. We're talking about someone so sadistic that this person can stomach torturing a little girl for nearly a month to the point of death. Throughout this entire time, it appears that the murderer relied on foreign objects to do the dirty work as no traces of semen were found. The fact that the police is looking for a woman makes a whole lot of sense - no male psycho who would take such steps to force himself onto a girl can be expected to resist the temptation to use his own penis for that long.

So if the murderer was a woman, why would she do such a thing? An evil lesbian pedophile? Or was the sexual component of the torture secondary, and the act of torture the primary intention? An act of pure malice and sadism?

We can only make conjecture til the cows come home. The murderer will most likely lay low for awhile - but I suspect the murderer will strike again. The lure of total power over a child and the desire to quench his/her evil thirst for torture may overwhelm the murderer now that this forbidden dark fruit has been tasted. I only hope that this would be the murderer's undoing rather than there be a second victim.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

There's a sock in Shane's drawer which I've been staring at every time I see it. There's nothing exceptional about the sock apart from the fact that it's missing it's pair. That and it's mine.

So what's the big deal? Socks go missing all the time. Well, as it happens I bought a whole batch of socks just because I was running short awhile back. Nowadays I'm finding myself short again wherever I am. That is, whichever home I'm in.

You see, there's a couple of places where I live nowadays. In KL, I live either at Shane's or at my brother's pad, mostly Shane's oddly enough. In Melaka, I live in the Melaka house. My clothes have been divided neatly between the three locations.

As I pick up my rolled up underwear of Shane's floor (they rolled out of the underwear/sock drawer mentioned above) and scavenging his cupboard in vain for my missing belt, it's starting to dawn upon me that I've spent too much time living neither here nor there.

Quite a lot of the time while I'm at Shane's place (that's most days of the week), I find myself waiting around while he busies himself wth this and that. That's okay, but I want to busy myself with this and that too. Hence I started bringing my laptop over (god forbid I forget it) , leaving my Magic cards at his place (his suggestion) and bring my notes to study. We had to install a lamp for me to read my notes, though it stopped working recently.

Internet connection's a bit tougher - I'm kind of used to keeping an internet presence nearly 24/7 so that I can chat with my friends who come online. Unfortunately Shane has the same habits and there's not many available computers with internet around, hence my internet presence has shrunk to near zero. Heck, how often do you see me blog anymore? I've almost forgotten how. And somehow I feel really disconnected from everyone.

Things like stocking up on food, getting my own plates and cooking materials, keeping tabs on my uni, staying in touch with my family, staying ahead of my finances, sleeping regular hours, maintaining a stable routine and doing some regular work - all these are taking a hit.

So I need to dig my heels in and live most of the time in one place. That would be my brother's pad.

Still, I've gained much from the time I've invested in Shane's home. I've become ridiculously close to Shane's family, considering the fact that everyone in the family knows that I'm his freaking BOYFRIEND. And no, they're not all that liberal minded. Though they may have gotten used to the idea by now.

And I've managed to spend a great deal of quality time with the man I love.

Too much of a good thing? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. But seriously, it's time for me to start spending more time at home.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Yeah, lack of blog update. Tell me about it. Lately I've been living like a nomad since I got back from Oz - staying in Shane's place half the time, sometimes in Melaka, sometimes in my bro's apartment. Still, spending time with my dear is nice. But it would also be nice to be a little more settled.

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So, i'm going back to Melaka to do my first paper for my current subject. The only subject. Which I've been studying to the point of extreme boredom. Hurrah, more driving for moi.

I've been spending way too much lately - not sure on what either. Running pretty big bills. I hope I can keep this up.

Friday, August 31, 2007

... and if I were the patriotic sort who didn't mind the fact that my country doesn't recognize my rights to marry, have kids and generally be left alone I may say something more. But I'm not, so I won't.

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In other news, my brother's an arrogant idiot who should be more careful. End of rant.

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Hrm. Feel like a nomad right now, without a home of his own. Must have something to do with living all over the place for the past few years. My clothes are in Melaka, Shane's place and my bro's place in KL. Need to buy some more soon.

Well, I'm up to schedule with my studying. Only it turns out m schedule was maybe a bit too early - it's quite awhile before the exam and I'm done. How odd.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Hrm. I'm really not getting enough work done nowadays. Somehow my days are getting filled with lots of nothings. Staying at home instead of the BF's place didn't work out so well either - as I expected, my bro's pad is really not a conducive study environment. But today it couldn't be helped - been sick today with sore throat and giddiness. But at least I'm seeing a bit more of my friends lately.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Please SMS me if you know my number so I can have your number again. It's the same number as the last one. Thanks. :D

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So what happened to the phone really? Well, it was stolen. A motorcyclist snatched it from Shane's hands while he was messaging on it. It happened so suddenly that neither of us knew what to do at that instant (I thought it was a friend giving him a friendly shove!). But just as well - these guys are typically armed with knives ASAIK so if we chased him down we'd have gotten stabbed.

I notice that these crimes always happen at housing estates - those which are connected to main roads where quick getaways are always possible and a motorcyclist can easily pass through without much suspicision. No wonder some housing areas have guards stationed at the entrances nowadays.----

Mama: You should always offer to pay Dr C for treating you instead of letting him treat you for free.Me: I offered wat, quite a few times...Mama: I think you need to make a hamper for him then in gratitude.Me: Hamper? People still make those nowadays?Aunt: Sure they do.Mama: You should ask Auntie Girlie to help you.Aunt: For the big Fuji apples, you should get at least 4. Small fruits like plums you can get six. Choose different fruits so it looks nice and colorful. I've got plenty of baskets you can use.Me: Wait, I'm making this myself? Not just purchase a ready made one at the shop?Mama: No longer available. Not nice anyway, not worth it. They give you all the rotten goods- better make it yourself.Me: Eeks! I don't know how to do stuff like that!Aunt: Just choose the fruits and I'll help you wrap it nicely.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The phone's been stolen. Again. Fortunately it was an old hand-me-down so it's all cool. When I get a new sim-card for the new hand-me-down I just got, I'll put up an announcement. Please SMS me if you then (same number) so I have your number again.

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Sorry about the lack of updates and blog presence folks, but the honest truth is I haven't had internet connection cos I've been staying at the bfs' and he's been busy working on the com. Gotta run to Melaka soon for some stuff too. Will be back on Sunday I think.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Funny how everything else seems to get left behind while your enjoying your bf's company. Still, being with the bf is extremely nice. :) Got a lot of things that need to be taken care of though, not least of which is to meet the friends I've missed since I left for Oz.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Hurrah! I'm home! But ery very the busy. Between my own tiredness from jetlag, settling into my bro's pad for the time, finishing touches on my project, sorting out my other responsibilities back in Malaysia and most of all spending time with the people I love I really don't have much time to spare. So there's not going to be much of an update here. But that's a good thing, for me. :)

Monday, June 18, 2007

I'm coming home soon! Hurrah! Project s nearly done too. Of course, it's the perfect time for my friends and family to ask me to buy obscure and hard to find stuff that they figure I'd be able to get in Australia. >.>

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I present to you, Shane's shopping list!

Red Bodhi Beach Patrol shirt

So specific? But after searching high and low throughout Sydney I was lucky enough to find it in a store catering for tourists run by a middle-aged Chinese lady. That along with the flag.

Australian FlagSee above.Aussiebum undewear

For the life of me, I couldn't find Aussiebum stores anywhere in Sydney. Walked the streets I did, in vain. Only very recently I was told that Aussiebum is typically sold in departmental stores by the good doctor. After which he had to explain to me what a departmental store was.

Urban Myth Club album (cd)

Sale people at music stores: Urban Myth what?

Gas mask

No, I'm serious. My man wanted me to get a gas mask for him.

Wii

Riiiiight.

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And now I'm trying to get Shane some nice clothes. However, I appear to have hit a snag. Case in point, when I went shopping with Shane and pointed out shirts that I thought may be nice of the I got comments like:

Shane: Yucks!Shane: Dun wan!Shane: So horrible!Shane: Eeee, who would wear such a thing?

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Later when sales girl in Oz is showing me shirts I might buy for Shane,

Sales girl: There must be SOMETHING suitable! We've got so many shirts here!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Okay, Leggy's juk juk juk instead of tsk tsk tsk has gotten popular in our little circle of bloggers. You'll recognize members of our gang from juk juk juks in the comments and chatbox. :P

It has come to my attention though that nobody understands some of the other sounds that don't translate well in text. So I've decided to list them out.

ook

Usage - same as huh? and "I see" but sounds different and tone is more subtle. The 'oo' can be lengthened for emphasisSound - sounds like saying 'ook' without moving the tongue. K is silent. Can have questioning tone (like "Huh? Come again?") or confirmtive tone (like "Right. Got it."). Alternatively sounded according to phonetic spelling.Example - Tim Allen on Home Improvement makes this sound all the time.

mook

Usage - To express slight annoyance or in response to something slightly bothersome or boredom or "Oh riiiiiiiight. I get it". 'Oo's can be lengthened. Not to be confused with a weak enemy or low grade evil minion in gaming terminology.Sound - same as ook but lips are sealed. Often exactly the same as hmm. Alternatively sounded according to phonetic spelling.

myah

Usage - same as mook.Sound - None, admittedly. But it sounds cute when you say it as how it's spelled phonetically. :P

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Oooookay. I think I must have been drunk or something when I wrote this. Oh well!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Help! I'm following your suggestions and making various changes and deleting lots of stuff too, but the word count seems to be increasing instead of going down! In order to explain the studies better i needed to make a whole lot more synthesis and it's really hurting the length of my article. I'm not done yet and I may be able to omit a whole lot more, but its very perturbing!

Ban

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Ban,

All of my 901 students are struggling to get the final draft finished so I have decided to offer a general extension until the 1/7 if you want to take advantage of it. I’m also happy to have a general (but not detailed) look at another draft if that would help.

Regards,

Lecturer

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Do I? Lecturer, I could give you a sloppy wet kiss! Hurrrraaaahhh! *smooch*

- Ban

ps another look at the draft would work wonders as well. :)

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Eyep. Do I need to explain further? (Hope the bf doesn't get annoyed. :P )

Possibly due to religious reasons, practicality (disease and pregnancy) and possibly biological induced jealousy (if you follow modern interpretations of Darwin's sexual selection theory), culture has assigned sex between two people as something reserved for marraige. It's definately a good idea from a practical perspective in modern soceity For many reasons. To promote better care for children born from the sexual intercourse, to establish trust, to reduce the chances of catching disease- various good reasons.

Somewhere along the way, love got mixed into sex. Heck, sex is called 'making love' nowadays. But is love really something you see in sex?

What are the qualities of love?

Let's try using the style I'm learning from my lecture using examples and non-examples. :P

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"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

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I lay here this nightand think of our pastthe wonderful times we holdthe stones that fate has castThis romance that we shareTrembles me with fearThat our paths may never cross againwhere do we go from hereWherever chance may take usremember this true taleMy heart will always beat your nameTrue love will never fail

- TRUE LOVE WILL NEVER FAIL by Ryan Treleven

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And a non-example of love,

"Ritsuko: I'm not happy anymore, not even when you make love to me. Do whatever you want with me, it's never stopped you before.

Ikari: You disappoint me.

Ritsuko: You had no hopes or expectations of me to start with. I was nothing! "

- Neon Genesis Evangelion (episode 24)

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Methinks sex is totally inadequate to encompass the most important features about love. Religious bodies should stress the other critical features about caring for one's chosen life partner. Patience, kindness, hope, care, trust, perseverance. I think these things are more important.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

My man is unduly stressed. Hence I'm getting stressed. Cos he's stressed and I don't know how to help reduce stress (what are the right words to say anyway?) and I'm also getting stressed and we're both stressing each other out. A little.

It's like 'long distance osmosis'. What a concept.

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Will-I-am: har

is that even possible

long distance fluid transfer

Me: ...fluid transfer?Methinks you are thinking of something else

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Yeaaaaaah. Moving on.

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Dear,

Sorry for giving any false hopes and dwelling on ideas that I'm not actually comfortable implementing and big slips of the tongue that cut deep. I'll learn the language of supporting you better too.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

During my break from my project (yes, I do take breaks) I've been picking a fight with a boss. Don't worry, it's only a computer game. This is Aria of Sorrow, and my character Soma is at minimum level possible and meeting a particuarly difficult boss . No attack pattern, almost like a Street Fighter game (although the boss's got some lag before he attacks) - but if he hits Soma 3 times it's game over. Yikes.

In the end I devised such an 'interesting' strategy thatI just had to make a video forit to share with the world.

"This is a really fun video. :) Julius can kill Soma in 3 hits. This video hows the surprise strategy I had to use - I doubt you'll find anyone else using it. See if you can recognise the music choice.

Limitations:- Minimum level POSSIBLE (lvl 17)- No Chaos Ring- No Red Minataur, no Lubricant- No Slide, no head stomp (due to skipping the soul)- No Potions- Heck, I didn't use my weapon to attack! (I could have used Balmung+backdash, but this strategy's more interesting)

Note: Newgame+ run, so all souls available (which I need to reach Julius for Succubus and Flame Demon Soul) except some ability souls which I had to skip to be at minimum level. Seeing as how Lightning Doll does only 40+ damage per hit only to Julius's 6000 hp, don't expect it to be easy!"

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

You know it's been taking a toll on you when it's one of the first few things that crosses your mind when you wake up in the mornings. Not sure what the lecturers were smoking when they ask me to write a freaking peer-revewed journal article by myself with maybe a few pointers from them.

You know, peer-reviewed journal article. One of those things which the lecturers ask masters students to study and then test us on. Like text book material but of higher quality. I have to write one of those things myself. No, I've never done such a thing in my entire life.

Ohhhhh yeah.

It's just about done - I recruited my mum to be my proof reader and she's doing the final round of proof reading before the first (and final) draft is given to my lecturer. Who will in turn advise me how to make changes to. And if it's of good enough quality to be published, well, maybe I get a good grade.

I haven't had time to do my weekly readings. Oooooh, trouble. Well, not really. But pretty close.

I have to make my leaving to study worth it. Otherwise why did I come here at all?

Friday, May 11, 2007

You are The Hermit

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

Hrm. Okay, admittedly that's pretty darn accurate. Especially seeing as how I've been living as one for the whole period I've been in Oz. Just not enough time or energy. What the lectureres sad is true - doing 4 subjects kills your social life.

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Just finished my practical training. I did find it very useful, but it really sucked out a lot of my energy and time. I've got a big project due soon which I'm really hoping to score well in. That and trying to stay in touch with the people back home has been taking a toll on me. I'm juggling, juggling, juggling...

Sunday, May 06, 2007

The weekend is here and nearly over! And I'm trying desperately to juggle my priorities while not playing too many computer games. (Must... defeat... the... boss...) A whol slew of very relevant articles for my research project just arrived from the library, just in time for me to get it all done before the deadlines in 2 weeks. That is if I forgo sleep and everything else. WHy am I still blogging? Er...

Just finished some practical training at one center, will be going to another the coming week. Kind of sorry to leave this bunch of kids. But they're not as memoriable as the last batch I taught as they only have learning disbilities as upposed to a developemental disability. I wonder what the next batch will be like.

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Shane has been telling me that I'm looking very hip lately. Okay, actually he said 'hippy', and he's been insisting that I get my hair cut. But a haircut here costs nearly 20 Ozzy dollars...so expensive! But at this point even I'm getting a little troubled by it. I guess I should have cut it before I left for Oz.

So viola, the new $18.50 haircut.

Hmm. My forehead is so big. This short length should last me for another few months...

Monday, April 23, 2007

I'm waiting now for my man, missing him. Really feeling the pinch from the time difference now. It's getting harder for me to stay up at night. I should be packing a lunch for tomorrow, but didn't have time to go to buy materials.

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Oh well, blog post while I'm listening to a lecture online and waiting.

Superhero comics are a dying genre. It's true. Kids nowdays aren't really atracted to the idea of people dancing around in their underwear as the used to be. And they certainly don't have the patience to wait for a new comic in the story every month. Not with what's available on tv, and that's available right away.

I used to collect a few comics - the one I sunk my money into was Darkhawk. Mostly because I was a robot buff and he had such sleeeeeek looking armor, but also for Chris Powell's character. Having lost his father to an accident, Chris was a moody teenager who wasn't quite sure what to do with his new abilities when he used the amulet that changed him into the Darkhawk. This was best captured probably in the "Heart of the Hawk" line where he was unable to revert back to his human form when the amulet in his chest was literarily ripped out.

Darkhawk is best known during his run under Mike Manley, under whom Darkhawk good storylines and great artwork. After he left, the comic just went downhill. Horrible artwork, terrible changes to his suit's look, upgrades in power for no apparent reason, and really stories that really failedto attract readers.

But waiiiit, what is this I see?

As a spinnoff to the somewhat popular Runaways title, Marvel produced the Loners title. It's about a group ofteenage superheroes who are trying to 'kick the habit' of superheroing as it didn't do their personal lifes much good. No, I'm serious. Superheroes Anonymous. Apparently Chris is potrayed pretty spot on here (fittingly, he gets to play the jerk part in the group. Heroic jerk, but still a jerk I hear. :P ) , apart from the fact that he managed to destroy the nigh-indestructable Ultron with his chest blasts recently.

I'm just glad Chris is characterised well enough, and they retained Darkhawk's old armor look. I'd buy this Loners comic, but it's completely sold out apparently.

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In other news, there's a nice Youtube video I found that appears only accessible through the website below unless you're registered as a member who is legal aged.

http://www.gayleague.com/home.php

It's the story of Archilles.... and his lover Placto-something or other. Be warned, it's the story of Archilles it can't end well. ( That means you, Paul. )

Friday, April 13, 2007

Just a little update on what I've been doing. After the exams, I took a short break of sorts while getting into a bit of reading for the project which I put aside fo the exams. Getting quite a bit into it now in fact. I just hope there won't be a problem with all the articles I have to order from the library to find for me. What's the chances of a master's student being able to produce an article worthy of a peer reviewed journal anyway? Not much, which speaks of my chances of doing well in this assignment. Oh well.

My supervisor/lecturer suggested I get a proof reader for grammar corrections. Hey mum, you've been elected!

Mum: What an honor!

Wait til she reads it. It's really going to be pretty thorough, so I won't blame her if her head spins.

Since the holidays are here, I don't have much excuse not to cook. So I did. A bit. Actually, I cook a lot at once so that I don't need to cook often. For das in fact. The house is filled wih Asians, so there's already two rice cookers in the house. I don't think there's enough space for one of my own. So I borrow one of theirs.

...I need more practise cooking. >.<

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Shane is pretty busy nowadays, as am I. I really wish that he present physically, even if we don't have time to do anything special. It's different being busy but having your man somewhere around and being busy but having your man being across the ocean.

Fact: Neon Genesis Evangelion is quoted to be the *only* series Gainax produced that actually earned it money. As opposed to that, through about 6000 NGE products, Evangelion has earned more than 150 BILLION yen so far. That's USD 1.25 BILLION.

Yes folks, it's a staggering amount.

Neon Genesis Evangelion, my favourite anime of all time, is going to be revamped into an animated movie! That means a movie-level budget, freshly thought out story. And best of all, it looks like my favourite character in all anime (who originally had a whole 13 minutes of screentime in the entire series) will feature prominently from the very first movie.

But I don't see any trailers. The official site only shows some Japanese words which look something like "Coming in Septemeber in a cnema near you- if you live in Japan". No trailers, nothing. So until the movie is realised, near nothing is known about it. More importantly, what role does Kaworu have in this movie?!?! Aaaaargh, the anticipation is killing me!

Kaworu: A song is good!Shinji: Eh?Kaworu: A song brings us joy. A song is the highest culture that Lilims have created. Don't you think so, Ikari Shinji-kun?

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Shinji: It's time.Kaworu: It's over?Shinji: We have to go to bed.Kaworu: Together with you?Shinji: Ah ... no, you are provided with your own, different room.Kaworu: Oh.

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Kaworu: Well, people always feel pain in their hearts. The heart is easy to wound, that's why living is painful. In particular, your heart is fragile like glass.Shinji: Me?Kaworu: Worthy of affection.Shinji: Affection?Kaworu: I mean, I love you.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

No, I'm not having trust issues. Don't mind me. I'm just thinking of someone else's problems, and how I can learn from them before I end up with the same problem. It's something I do.

Though to be honest it's not totally relevant. My train of thoughts went completely off-track. Oh well!

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Trust, like respect, is earned. Otherwise it's blind trust. Respect isn't automatic - for example, while it's an onus on the son to be respectful towards the parents that fed him and cared, it doesn't mean he automaically respects what they do or their morales or what people his parents are. Likewise, trust is something that's built over time by showing oneself to be worthy of trust.

It's naive to say we should trust each other about absolutely everything. Not this soon into the relationship. It's natural to have doubts now and then, to wonder if things will change for the worse in the future. Humans mess up, I mess up. We aren't perfect. But I can learn. If I have faults that make me difficult to live with, I can learn to improve myself. As long as my intentions are sincere and I truly care for not only myself but him as well.

Learning to care for another person's needs is something that needs to be learnt in itself. How do I accomodate for his needs while meeting my own? Can I be fair in considering both our needs, giving fair weight depending on the situation appropriately? Striking a balance is made tougher if there's no place in my heart for him as well as myself. But that isn't a problem so, I can learn. As long as I truly love, I can learn.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Woot. I'm twice as organised as the last time, at least. Of course the workload as increased too. But I seem to be handling it okay. Not cooking at all, but that's really low priority now anyway. Just concentrating on keeping at my studies. Doing that efficiently.

So yeah, things look alright.

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I wonder sometimes, for all the things I'm learning, how long will I be allowed to use them in Malaysia? But I've asked myself that question enough times already. How long will I work? As long as they'll let me. After that, I'll rest. There's more to life than work, and by then I've experienced that part of life. I guess that's how I look at life - an experience.

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Everyone's working hard to fulfill their dreams. Trying to build a better future for themselves in the best way they can think of. Some selfishly, some not. It's such a big world. So many right decisions being made, so many wrong ones.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

So much work... so many reasons not to work. I feel like I'm a juggling act. But, it's an act that's getting together. Not too badly in fact. Yeah, I'm doing quite alright. So I'm fine.

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Sometimes, I wish I could do more for my friends who are distressed. My heart reaches out to you all, hoping things will go better, trying to help where I can with what little I know. I can never do enough.

(But if would be nice if they weren't all distressed at the same time on the same night. Eeeeyarrghhhh. Marathon, anyone?)

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The difference in hours is hard. I'm finding it hard to cope with the sleeping hours and study.

I look at the photo of the wo of us in my room. The photo frame given by a friend, decorated himself. "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." And I see his smiling face beeming at me.

He reminded me of our first times together. Stumbling along the way while laughing - we've always taken that approach, haven't we? It's not too bad. Not pretentious, not pretending to be something we're not, yet trying to grow up together at the same time so we can be something more. Each of us, and together. It's a good way to go about it.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

A tantrum typically is given unreasonable after an (unreasonable) demand is not met. The tantrum doesn't have to involve screaming or throwing a big fuss - it can be anything unpleasant to the victim of the tantrum. The function of the tantrum is to reduce the victim's behaviour of not meeting the demands of the tantrum thrower, often with immediate effect (we call this a punisher in behaviourist language). Silent treatment, scolding, apathy, anything that aggravates the victim that isn't giving into the demand.

So why does the victim put up with it? That's the most annoying thing. Tantrums, by nature, are only ever used on people who have intrinsic reasons to have to put up with the tantrum - usually love. If you never see that behaviour used on other people who won't put up with it, that's because it can't be used on them. It's also a surefire way to recognise a tantrum.

As a teacher, and a parent, it's important to recognise a tantrum when you see one. Giving in is certainly not an option - you'd be indirectly encouraging the tantrum thrower to throw more tantrums on you because it works so well on you. Ignore, scold, anything else is better than giving into the tantums.

Most importantly, and often left out, the proper way of asking for something should be taught to the child somehow. Perhaps after the child has quietened down you can practise with him. Or if he has a brother/sister, then giving that toy to the brother who happened to ask nicely works wonders too. "Oh, I like how you asked me for that toy so nicely and with a sweet voice. You make me so happy that I'm going to buy it for you." Essentially, the child must learn that throwing a tantrum is an ineffective strategy to get what he wants, even less so than asking nicely though asking nicely may not be enough.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Yes, it is I - Super Boing Boing, the Great Bunny of Terror making a surprise appearance on the blog after quite a long hiatus, having gone on a long trip. I won't post pictures though, since I figure that you pathetic humans don't really want to see stuffed bunnies in the middle of an orgyfest - but nonetheless, here's one of me and Ban's boyfriend: Strapping Shane.

Oh yes, he's practically eating out of my paws right now.

That aside, I'm just dropping by to bring about some updates that I think you awful lot of two-legged critters should listen up for. And listen attentively mind you, and don't bother me with your insolent questions - because if you give me your full concentration, I'm sure you fools will be able to understand exactly what it is I am saying. Right. Now let me present to you, the updates:

Strapping Shane is now fully under my control and is now under my employment as the Chief Operating Officer (but you already know that). I admit that I've taken a liking to him, though it wasn't always this way. When Ban first left me in his care, the idiot of a boyfriend has been huggling me to sleep - obviously trying to bond with me. Of course, I take this as a chance to poison him with evil thoughts in his sleep, but he keeps thinking that it's the effect of spending much time with his dearest godbrother Paul - a supposed incarnation of Saint Wicked. Like hello... I am Saint Wicked. No one is more evil than I. But still, good kid - we're as thick as thieves now.

Secondly, I have to inform you that I may not blog much after this - and I may revamp the blog with a completely new design. This is thanks to Shane though - I found some abandoned HTML coding that he's worked on previously for his own blog, and I realized that it was quite purdy. So I thought I'd work on it (hey, I'm as good a HTML programmer as any!) and maybe present you morons with a totally new look that'll have your blood vessels pop and your heart give out.

Thirdly, I've found a brand new theme song by Chris Cornell called You Know My Name (replacing my old One Winged Angel theme from FF7). This one's pretty good actually, and it's the theme for the newest James Bond movie, Casino Royale. However, I think it suits me better, since I have a feeling that I will soon be the greatest force this world has ever reckoned with that M:1-6, the NSA, CIA and what-not will be sending their stupid agents, tripping all over just to stop me from launching a full out assault on this pitiful. Bwahahaha!

I think that's about it. Now onto Strapping Shane for a speech of his own as my new COO. Bwahahaha!

Good evening gentlemen, this is Shane speaking. I merely have only one thing to say: SBB and I will soon be your future world leaders. Please be ready with your congratulatory gifts. Anything below 1000 USD is not accepted. Cheapskates will be executed. Thank you.

Ahaha, I love that kid. So anyway, that'll be all the updates for now. The next update will not be anytime soon - since we'll be off doing some planning to conquer this world, and the next! Bwahahahaha! Toodles, you sad little bunch of humans. Remember... this is SBB and Shane. You know our name!

Oh... and right - here's the video and the song. Our theme song. Bwahahaha!

P/S: While I was away on holiday, I kinda forgot my password and username to my own Blogger account - so I've hacked into Ban's account and used it to blog. Bwahahaha. Don't you just love me? :P

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Okay, I admit. I had fun at the Mardi Gras. The real reason why I agreed to go in the first place was because I did so much want to catch Maxius and Louis (of Maxius's Ramblings and Vunderworld fame, respectively) who were there to catch the show.

Glitz, glitz, glitz. Glitz and more glitz. And naked flesh. And music. And rows upon rows of Kylie Minogue floats (what's up with that? She wasn't even there!).

There was a group next to me that insisted on getting kisses and photos with every hot guy in the parade. One guy in the whole parade actually walked up to me for a hug and a kiss to the cheek, but I was too surprised to reciprocate. I could only say a quick "Sorry" when I realised what he wanted, after he started moving away again. Oh well, dear dear will be pleased anyway. :P

It was full of nudity and things you'd normally not really want to look so closely at, but as you come expecting all that those things tend to glaze over like white noise. Or maybe it's just me.

One balcony closeby was full of naked old men - we thought they were half naked at first (blacony was blocking) but apparently someone confirmed they were naked. Oh yes, they are going to be having a fun time tonight.

Was it effective? I mean the parade itself as a means to promote gay rights. I don't know - but consider that after the parade, as Maius and Louis were walking hand in hand in front of me, two girls (looks hetero) were commenting (with not very pleased faces) about the white guy going out with the asian guy. I gave them little glares and they sort of realised I heard a bit of that and moved away.

My own highlights: Police department marching along smartly to show support for the event (with a policewoman belting out tunes with a band in the front, of course. Did you know Sydney has a special Gay and Lesbian support division?), religious gay groups (including Jewish and Christians gays and lesbians) and most of all, Rainbow Families (with their kids in tow).

Friday, March 02, 2007

Praise be to the lecturing one! Who in his infinite wisdom and tendermercy, dist he dictate that there shalt be no readings for the first topic of the semester. Praise, laud and glorify his name! Ne'er again shalt I grieve His stingy-ness with good grades. Honor and glorify his name!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Busy and not feeling well. Still managing things though. So man things to arrange - I'm doing it all a little better than last year. I guess the initial trouble comming in gave me a little reminder to be more organised.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I came home at 2-ish after seeing the bf and company. My flight was at 6 a.m. - which for internaional flights means that I should leave the house at 3 a.m. No problem, all my bags were packed and I even had time for a quick bath. By 2.30, I was wondering why my parents hadn't woken up yet. Why not? I opened their door - they were still asleep. I guessed they knew when they should get up for the flight, I had shown mum the time earlier. On the otherhand, I was having some difficulty staying awake myself. So I switched on the telly to watch 'Interview with the Vampire'. Very engrossing.

At 3.30, at last my mum popped out of the room. But she was still dressed in her pajamas.

Me: Mum, we have to go to the airport already.Mum: What?Me: The flight is at six, remember? We have to leave soon.Mum: Wasn't that 6 in the evening?

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Long story short, we made it in time. There wasn't any real danger about that, except that the mix up shouldn't have happened. Instead of waking them up, I took for granted that my parents would have everything laid out properly. Also, my brother didn't make it cos my mum had told him the flight was at six in the evening. Bummer.

It's the sort of lesson that's tough to learn. Well, here's to experience.

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I'm pretty disorganised. Recently I forgot my passwords, this time I didn't arrange transport from the airport (I thought I had to find my own way to the Uni this time) but decided to use the direct transport provided by the uni regardless (it was an hour late) and also didn't tell the accomodation when exactly I was arriving so they didn't prepare my keys. Wonderful, eh?

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Boyfriend: We have to spend more time together. These is our last chance before you go to Oz!Mum: But I claim number one priority in your life! Throughout your life it's been me looking out for you!Brother: (I'm so lonely. I need attention!)Friends: (Just try and live without us!)Papa: (Getting to know you better would be nice.)Grandparents: (If you don't spend time with us now, you'll regret it the rest of your life.)Responsibilities: (Do you dare ignore me?)Studies: (I'm your dreams and future.)Games: (Join us...)Me: I want to do my own things as well

It's not that I didn't have anything to write. I do have stuff to post, lotsa stuff. But between finding time the last few days for my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my studies and my self, I just couldn't find the time. Case in point, I'm leaving on the 23rd morning but my bag hasn't been packed properly yet.

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I understand why couples wear rings now. Throughout the day it presses ever so slightly against my skin, a constant reminder of who gave it to me. And who is wearing a matching ring on his on hand. The thought of that makes me smile, makes me wonder what he's doing.

He'd just better not lose the thing while playing with it. STOP TAKING IT ON AND OFF!

It's funny. Normally my holidays are spent sitting in the room finding entertainment for myself, with the odd outing here and there. Being in KL with it's extremely formidable roads that should have compounded onto that. Heck, part of the reason why my brother stays in is because the roads are tough to navigate for those not familiar with them.

Yet this whole holidays, I've been practically throwing myself at the lion's mouth that is the roads of KL. Getting lost for hours? Been there, done that, expect it. Stuff goes wrong, stuff happens - move on, make the best of it. I'm finding myself doing things I'm not at all used to.

It really is funny.

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Simple, yet wondeful first Valentine's Day with a loved one. I couldn't have asked for more.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Someone related to me that he noticed something about the gay sphere of friends, "There seems to be a lot more pressure, a lot more expectation from each other. A lot less forgiving." His theory was that it had something to do with the possible sexual attraction. I'm not sure if I agree with that at all.

Recently there seems to be a bit of disagreements going on between my friends. Is it really any different than the normal squabbles between any friends? Miscommunications. Moments of inconsideration. Words that wound. Distrust. Suspicion. None of these things are not exclusive to gay friends nor bloggers. Usually, the typical non-gay non blogger friends don't make up but move on to other friends. There's a whole lot of fish in the sea, so to speak.

In fact, all of these things can be dealt with peacefully, if one swallows their pride after the tears have dried and considers carefully how to settle the problem in the best way for everyone. Tough to learn these skills, yes, but it can be done after a lot of practise, trial and error.

I'm reminded of my lesbian friend in London. She had a squabble with another lesbian friend of hers, and I followed her back to her room to talk about other things, anything. After quite some time of mindless chatter, she calmed down and quickly decided that she would patch things back up with that friend she just argued with. To her, in spite of her friend's mistake, she was still willing to keep that friend.

The circle of gays or lesbians that are actually worth being friends with is very small. If we don't realise our own mistakes and forgive the mistakes of these friends, we won't keep many friends who will understand us for who we are. We really don't have many people to choose from in this circle, so we have to work extra hard at our relationships in order to keep them.