Monthly Archives: June 2016

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It’s a lazy Thursday. One kid is playing Lego Star Wars on the Wii. He’s still in his pajamas at 10 am. His little brother is playing with his garbage/recycling truck. He’s naked. We could have saved ourselves hundreds of dollars by not buying him all those clothes.

Did I mention that it’s raining? It’s been raining for two days now. Hence, it’s a lazy Thursday. I can’t mow. The boys can’t play outside. Though I’m sure they’ll be out puddle jumping later. Perhaps I’ll join them, lest I go shack wacky. Ah, to be a kid again. Sometimes you just need to let your inner kid out to play.

Last week’s science questions were a fairly big hit so I thought I’d try it again. Same as last week, if you aren’t enlightened hopefully you’ll be enlaughened.

1. Why do yellow dandelions turn into yellow puff balls?

Crash: Because the sun heats them up and makes them into puff balls.Bang: Because the grass goblins eat it and make it white and use them for parachutes. And we wreck their parachutes.

Crash: Because a meteor hit the Earth and now they`re extinct.Bang: Everyone shot them with a gun. even me!

4. How do seeds grow?

Crash: The water make them open up then they start to grow.Bang: Because you water them and they grow and turn into broccoli and stuff

5. Why are there waves in the ocean?

Crash: Because it has something to do with the moon and also the wind blows the water around.Bang: Because the seeds make the waves because they`re wave seeds and then the sharks eat the seeds and the waves go bye bye.

6. Why do magnets stick together?

Crash: I don`t know exactly but it`s some sort of electric force. The force pulls them together.Bang: Because they’re one way. They can’t connect black to black. It can connect black to the back of the magnet because it’s sort of sticky so it sticks to the back.

7. Why do the seasons change?

Crash: If it was just winter we’d stay cold and we’d waste more energy on our heaters. But if the seasons change then that wouldn’t happen.Bang: What are seasons? (I tell him spring, summer, fall and winter) Because when it comes to fall all the leaves land on the ground and make it change.

8. Why do we have night and day?

Crash: So we don’t get extremely tired. (So I ask him what makes it night and day) The Earth is moving around the sun and while it’s rotating around the sun the Earth is spinning in circles.Bang: The sharks eat the day and night seeds. When they eat the day seeds it’s night. When they eat the night seeds it night. And when the night seeds are all gone, then the morning seeds can stay.

9. What is steam?

Crash: Vaporization.Bang: Steam is sorta like smoke from a train. What makes the steam is the coal. The coal make the steam because you don’t want smoke in your train because that would make you sick.

10. Why does your belly growl when you’re hungry?

Crash: It’s telling you that it needs food and if you don’t feed it you’ll starve. And if you don’t eat for a long time you’ll die of starvation.Bang: Because it wants food so it goes, “I WANT FOOD! GIVE ME SOME FOOD! I WANT BREAKFAST TIME! ARGHHHH!!!” It gets so angry. And the other side of my belly goes, “I’m hungry. Can I have some food, si vous plait”? Then when it gets it, it says, “Merci”.

*As you can tell from the recurrence of sharks that it is “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel. While he’s been paying attention, I guess he doesn’t quite understand exactly what sharks do.

Well folks, it’s finally here. The Last Day. Thanks to Alice Cooper there’s a song for this day, actually. While most considered last Friday to be The Last Day, today is REALLY The Last Day. Even if they are only there for an hour and half. Long enough to give a teacher a present, say see ya in Grade Four (4th grade) to their friends, then grab their report card and skedaddle for the summer.

We ran into a bit of a snag with his previous teacher (who left in March to begin maternity leave). A lack of communication is what it boiled down to. But that’s in the past and things have improved with her replacement. The report card comes home today. Crash has always done well. He always comes home with A and B’s. Smart like his parents (he does do dumb stuff like the generation of dads before him did when they were his age).

Anyway, this isn’t about the dumb acts of the invincible youth. I’m not even really sure what this is about today. I’m just spewing nonsense.

So I’ll keep it short and ask for you help. Tomorrow is “Questions I Ask My Kids” day. Last week’s science questions were a huge hit that I’d like to try to replicate. Their answers were hilarious! What I need some help with is the questions I should ask. You can read last week’s questions here.

What would be a good science question to ask a kid?

Just leave your question(s) down in the comments and I’ll even give you a shout out tomorrow!

You know – Coach Daddy time. A to Z Challenge? Few days behind. Photo a Day Challenge? Hell, June’s almost over, and it feels like I have a week of photos to take. So it stands to reason we’d recognize National Safety Month – June – On June 29.

Every month, I compile a post called 6 Words. Ernest Hemingway inspired it when he said any story can be told in six words. I ask bloggers, friends, strangers, and a few strange blogger friends to respond to a prompt.

June is National Safety Month. Tell us about something you did decidedly unsafe – in six words. It could be from any time in your life. Think “Rode Big Wheel off garage roof,” or “Wore Georgia gear in Florida section.”

I’m too lazy to look up what number share this one is. So I’m calling it Happiness instead.

My about page was pinged yesterday. That’s when I learned that I’d been nominated for The Happiness Tag by a fellow creative blogger friend Laura from The Riddle From the Middle. Laura paid me a lovely compliment when she said that my posts make her smile. What a wonderful thing to say to another writer. Thank you so much for your kind words.

*Thanks for the words, Laura!

She couldn’t have tagged me for a Happiness post on a better day. Yesterday was a happy day to beat all happy days. Well not ALL of them, of course. But still…

Here are the rules.

List:

Five things that make you happy.

Five songs that make you happy.

Five bloggers that make you happy and notify them of the nomination.

The five things that make me happy are all from yesterday.

Our littlest Bang had his graduation ceremony yesterday. He’s officially done with kindergarten. His teachers are begging us to have a little a little girl now so they can have another one in their class. I guess they adored Bang. Unfortunately for them there won’t be another from us.

They nicknamed each one of their 20 students during the ceremony. They name our Bang “The Bucket filler”. In case you aren’t familiar with the book by Carol McCloud “Have You Filled A Bucket Today”, it’s about showing acts of kindness. So to know Bang is their bucket filler makes a mom and dad proud.

After the ceremony we went out to a celebratory lunch with DW’s dad and step-mom (who is way more than a step-mom and is more like a 2nd mom). During lunch the owner of the restaurant realised it was Bang’s graduation day and told him he could pick any dessert he wanted and it would be on her. His eyes were as big as the plate his lunch was served on. She also extended this offer to another family (and good friend of Bang’s) who came to eat at the same establishment.

Upon hearing that his grandson would be getting free dessert for graduating, Guppie (DW’s dad) borrowed Bang’s “graduation cap” and told the waitress that he just graduated, too. Anything for free dessert!

Bang I washed the truck. He’s got as much water on us as he did the truck. I see why his teacher’s called him the bucket filler – he filled my soapy bucket right to the tippy top** While he and I washed and vacuumed the truck, DW helped the neighbor plant flowers in her garden. It was a wonderful day!

**not what bucket filling really means

Bang the Graduate

Guppie the Graduate

Now for five songs that make me happy…

Flo Rida – My House Bang has taken to changing lyrics to fit whatever is in his little head. This one being my favorite lyric change. He’s FOREVER playing with the garden hose. Sprays himself. Sprays everything within range. I’m FOREVER telling him to turn the hose off. The lyrics have become, “Welcome to my house, baby turn the hose off”. Give it a listen and change the lyrics. You’ll laugh, too.

Strumbella – Spirits Here’s another lyric change for you. Outside playing yesterday and bumblebee flew into Bang’s hair. Naturally, he told me that he had a bee in his hair. Then he smiles his mischievous smile and sings, “I’ve got guns in my head and they won’t go, I’ve got bees in my head and they won’t go”.

Jethro Tull- Aqualung – This song is older than me, but I remember my parents having this album and I loved it. Reminds me of the rock and roll of my parent’s day (late 60’s and early 70’s). Queen. Led Zeppelin. Elton John. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Brogan and I caught the 6am flight from Halifax to Laguardia. The court date wasn’t set yet, but I knew it was just a matter of time. I also knew it was going to be a shit show, high publicity, circus. I wanted to leave Brogan with Ione. Safe. But I wanted the courts to see the sweet, little boy involved in this. Funny thing is, he never said anything about wanting to see his father. Dempsey must know we’re back in New York. I just hope he doesn’t figure out where we’re going.

This is a continuation of an experiment. Each week there is a 100 word short story photo prompt challenge posed by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. My challenge to myself is to connect these photos into one seamless story. Click the blue frog to read other stories inspired by this photo.

Today is a happy sad day. I just returned from dropping Bang off at his last day of kindergarten (aka preschool). He starts “big kid school” in September! WTF? It wasn’t that long ago he was a funny little infant. Now he gets to school and doesn’t need/want mom or dad to help and explicitly says so.

I said to one of his teachers this morning, “This is the last time I’ll be dropping him off” with a frown. She said, “I know! I told him the other day ‘I’m going to miss you when you go to big kid school’ and he told me, “Don’t worry, Mrs. Shannon. I’ll come up to see you and give you a hug and tell you I love you.” I told her that he will and she said that’s exactly what the other teacher said. He’s a lovey little boy for sure.

1. How do pavers work?

I’m sure you saw this question coming. I could make today entirely about the machines that occupied our driveway in the past two weeks. The most interesting to the boys though was the paver. This beast takes a pre-heated load of asphalt into its hopper from a dump truck. From there an auger (screw) moves the asphalt to rollers which are heated to 300+ (F). This heat further softens the asphalt making it like oatmeal. The paver then spreads the oatmeal over the surface being laid simultaneously flattening and compacting it. After it cools a bit, a roller will finish the job. When the roller vibrates it will literally rattle the dishes in the cupboard.

2. Are you coming back, Dad?

Backstory: I was called in to substitute after school had already started because a teacher wasn’t feeling well. This question got asked as I was walking out the door at 9:30.

In short, yes, buddy, I’m coming back. In long, I won’t be right back. I’m not sure if he meant right back or back later, but he was curious to know if I was coming back. This is where I keep my food and my new mower so I’ll definitely be back.

I considered doing an “unboxing” video but decided against it

3. What’s a fortune?

There are big fortunes and there are small fortunes. Birthdays are good for bringing the latter. Fortunes are like infinities, they come in all kinds of sizes. There are an infinite number of numbers counting upward as there is indeterminate number of dollars one can have. There is also an infinite number of numbers between 0 and 1. This would be equivalent to a small fortune. It’s all relative to the one holding the cash and anyone eyeballing it wondering if they’re going to share their fortune big or small.

4. How many more sleeps until I’m six?

He had just turned 5. Literally 3 days had passed when this one was asked. 362 sleeps since it’s not a leap year. 362 sleeps until you turn six. He found a candle in the cupboard, “Hey! I found a 6 candle!” (it was in the shape of a six) No, we’re not planning that far ahead. Flip it over dude. It’s your brother’s 9 candle. However, there are only 9 more sleeps until your brother turns 9 and 44 more sleeps until your dad’s birthday.

Ahh… to view the world with child’s eyes. Nothing quite beats the imagination of our youth. The hows and the whys of our world might seem mind boggling. Except when viewed through the vision and mind of a child it’s all really quite simple. How else could one describe such complex intricacies so simply and so accurately.

I thought I’d try something a little different today. Normally, I ask my kids fun questions about life. Today’s questions are all sciencey (except for the dream question Bang was so eager to answer yesterday). This is their take on what happens in the world around them.

1. Did you have any dreams?

Bang: Yes. So like I don’t know where we were. It was sorta like the beach. It had lots and lots of sand but I don’t know where it was. There was a green train. It came toward us super fast. It didn’t need train tracks, it could go anywhere. On top of trees. In the water (the wheels go all gone and it rows). There was mean mom and she said “There goes your garbage”. I was swimming in the water and the train came on the sand. Then I woke up.

Crash: My friend and I were playing outside in the dark. Then someone jumped on my back. My friend was gone because he turned into a zombie Sponge Bob. So I ran away. A thing was hanging from a tree and it had a flashy button on it. I pushed the button and it exploded and I woke up.

2. Why does it rain?

Bang: Because the clouds go for a swim and suck up some water and when they go back in the sky the water comes out of little tiny holes and it rains.

Crash: Because when it gets hot some water from the oceans and stuff float up. It’s called vaporization. Then the clouds soak up the vaporization because they’re like sponges. They turn dark and the water falls out as rain and it all cycles through again and again.

3. Why do bees make honey?

Bang: To make honey sandwiches, honey bread, honey toast, and honey strawberries (which are orange and taste like honey)

Crash: So we can eat it, obviously.

4. Why is it windy?

Bang: because wind clouds come and they make the wind blow around.

Crash: Because God blows through his mouth and makes it windy.

5. Why is the sun hot?

Bang: When you’re cooking something, the wires get hot so space gets hot and then the sun gets hot.

Crash: That’s an unanswerable question. Earth’s atmosphere is like a magnifying glass and the light from Earth heat up the sun.

6. How many bones are in your body?

Bang: I would say a lot. I would say a really big number. 60 90 100

Crash: 163

7. What is the largest animal on Earth?

Bang: An elephant and rhino are bigger than all the animals.

Crash: The humpback whale. Whales are ginormous! Or is the beluga bigger?

8. Why is the sky blue?

Bang: Because there are blue snowballs that float in space and they make the sky blue.

Crash: Because of light. The sky is practically space, but the sun lights it up.

9. What makes a rainbow?

Bang: There are invisible balls inside the blue sky and it makes a rainbow when it’s ready to make one.

Crash: Rain and sun. Obviously the sun heats up the water and somehow it makes a rainbow in the sky.

drewhopperphotography.com

10. How do airplanes stay up in the air?

Bang: They have 2 wings and really big propellers that spin super fast that they can stay up in the air when you count to a thousand.

Crash: Because they have turbines usually. And they have big gliding wings.

You know you’re in for a great story when your 5 year (and 5 day) old comes running to your bed at 6:30 in the morning asking to do the dream question for your blog. Bang LOVES that question. Hence, it has become a staple of the “10 Questions I Ask My Kids” on Thursday. But today is only Wednesday, so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what he dreamt.

Sorry not sorry.

Tomorrow will fun. I found some science questions to ask the kids. You will read tomorrow how they view the world. You will find out truth to such things as rainbows and the sun’s heat and why magnets stick to each other. All science related. If you aren’t enlightened you will at least be enlaughened (that’s a word now).

As you probably know, a bunch of driveways were being repaved last week. The gravel was laid and rolled and all was ready for the paver. We just needed clear weather. Both showed up Monday and “The Excavator Spectator” was on high alert. He became the paver spectator. Too bad he had school! After school though? He had the same reaction.

ARRHHHHHH!!!!! THE MACHINES ARE HERE!!!!!!

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a picture of him watching the paver in our driveway. He sat on our front step and watched the whole thing.

*Funny story: The paver laid a thin strip of asphalt about a 1/3 of the way down our driveway then stopped. The paver driver parked his machine. DW asked what was up. He told her, “They gave us enough asphalt to do the 10 driveways and we just ran out.” Naturally, DW was a bit confused (and bit pissed that they ran out of asphalt). Then she clued in that he was just kidding and they had a good laugh.

Front row seats!

That was our big excitement over the last few days… watching the driveways get paved. Be prepared for all the paving questions to be answered this Friday in the next issue of “Go Ask Your Father”.

Ever been a kid’s birthday party? Ever notice what happens when it’s time to open the presents?

Everyone wants to help. They swarm around the gift opener like a starving wrestling team around a hot pizza.

It’s no different when you’re the birthday boy with a nearly nine year old brother. I had a discussion at bedtime with him the night before, but it brought no relief for him. I knew his little brother was going to be receiving copious amounts of attention for his birthday. I also know that jealousy can be ugly beast when you want what someone else has. I know when DW is opening her birthday gifts or Mother’s Day gifts, I wish it was me opening them.

But I know it’s their turn in the spotlight. An eight year old with impulse issues struggles with giving up the spotlight, especially to his little brother. Then his little brother gets to open gifts and all you can do is sit there and watch and pretend to be happy for him when in actuality you’re wishing those gifts were yours. Especially if it’s a remote controlled El Toro Loco monster truck.

“Will you share it with bub?” is completely innocent question. Except the toy in question hadn’t even been removed from the box yet and already he was asking his little brother to share it. I know what that feels like dude. I was like that the day his mom got a new tablet. The first thought that went through my head was certainly not, “Oh, you’ll love that tablet. It has a 10″ screen and a detachable keyboard.” It was more along the lines of, “Man, that’s not fair. I want a big tablet with a keyboard, too! Wanna trade tablets?” I knew better than to voice that thought because it’s not nice. It’s greedy. It’s selfish. It’s rude. And I have a birthday coming up.

He has a birthday coming, too. It is literally 17 days after his little brother’s. He lives in the here and now, though, not in the 17 days following. The difference is that the filter between his brain and his mouth is more like a fishing net than a filter. It doesn’t stop him from saying nearly as much as it should.

So, yes, birthdays can be tough. Especially when they’re not yours and the birthday boy is getting gifts you’d like to have for yourself. However, he still gets to reap a couple of the birthday boy’s rewards. Cake and ice cream!

He started counting down the sleeps about 20 sleeps ago. It wasn’t even his birthday month and he was getting all fired up. He’s 5 y’all. Or will be tomorrow (a couple hours from now, actually). Today is the day we celebrate the day DW went into the hospital to give Bang his eviction notice. It wouldn’t be until 6:36 tomorrow evening that he joined us outside the womb. Now he’s five. He’ll be starting big kid school in September! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,

Nothing shows you how fast time truly passes like watching your children grow.

Today’s post will be a time capsule of sorts. I’ll capture his favorites to save for later. Girlfriends. Graduation. Wedding. You know, those important date he’ll need some embarrassment. I’ll do this again in a couple weeks when big brother has his birthday.

1. What is your favourite color?

Bang: I know it’s Blue and orange

2. What is your favourite toy?

Bang: I love my big garbage truck because it can it hold all my blocks in it