Quick Thinking

Take a break from the drudgery with some of these jokes, song parodies, anecdotes and assorted humor that has been
collected from friends & from websites across the Internet. This humor is light-hearted and sometimes slightly
offensive to the easily-offended, so you are forewarned. I have taken care to censor "humor" with reproductive
function innuendo and hateful
tirades, so it is all workplace-safe. I have also tried to warn of any links that will result in audio
clips so you can take appropriate precautions. Please send any potential candidates for this humor
page to the e-mail link above.

A wealthy man decided to go on a
safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts
chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a
leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK,
I'm in deep trouble here. Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew
on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims
loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the
leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to
good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after
the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard,
spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of
and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the
dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But
instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and
just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago
to bring me another leopard."