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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Catfight on the Catwalk

By:
Josie Day

Jan 07, 2014 | 9:00am EST

Bravo

The real housewives of Beverly Hills starts where we last saw them, at Sur, with Brandi and Joyce still yelling at each other. When the show begins though, Brandi’s curses turn to tears and Yolanda escorts her out of the restaurant. Joyce continues to talk trash about Brandi, calling her a bully over and over, but the entire crew sticks up for her.

Kinglsey comes home to Kim, he knows how to sit, lay, and breathe out of a muzzle. Kingsley 1, Kim 0.

Joyce and Kyle go golfing, Joyce figures out Brandi 3 steps- 1. She plans her attack, 2. She throws out the f-bomb, and 3. She cries to get the sympathy. But Joyce doesn’t feel any sympathy towards her. If Brandi says hi to Joyce, she will recognize her, but if Brandi ignores her, Joyce will ignore her right back! Take that Brandi!

Yolanda goes to Brandi’s house, not to criticize, but to assist. Brandi confesses her hard times, missing her puppy, missing her children, having issues with her husband, but Yolanda strongly states that using the f word is not an attractive way for Brandi to communicate her issues.

Carlton and her husband go to the tattoo shop, where she gets a pentagram with her kids name in their handwriting tattooed on the back of her neck. More importantly, she calls herself a pus**y for complaining about the pain.

Lisa, of course, is all business, going shopping for her new restaurant. Why is it so hard to not be in love with her?

Brandi brings her black friend to Kyle’s charity event, we’re not saying it, but if we were, we’d say thank God she’s not actually racist. They arrive to Kyle’s shop before Joyce, and when Joyce finally arrives we see Brandi’s heart rate literally rise. They avoid conflict even when in the same dressing room.

Jamie Lee Curtis presents Kyle with the First Family award. Kyle and her husband donated $100,000 to the Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. We also find out that Kyle worked with Jamie Lee Curtis on Halloween.

Lisa invites Joyce to her home, and Joyce actually goes. Lisa’s opinion of Joyce has slowly shifted through out the season, she now tells us that she thinks Joyce isn’t a bad girl, that they got off to the wrong start.

And just like that, our opinion of Lisa begins to shift, downward.

Projections:

Kyle’s acting career begins to move forward with her role in Halloween 12:Michael vs. Lisa Vanderpump

Brandi punches Joyce in the face and Joyce’s mask flies off, revealing she is in fact Brandi’s ex-husband.