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Sep 22, 2011

Do Vampires Pee?

With just over a month to NaNoWriMo, some of you may remember how I started a dark vampire novel and then spectacularly failed to get my 50,000 words finished. That' doesn’t mean that particular story has been discarded. Every now and then I make notes on scenes and characters. I’ve brought it up to almost 40,000 words over the year. It’s on my writing schedule to finish next year.

The vampires in that novel are predators, they feed on human blood. As part of my research I did quite a bit of thinking on the digestion system of vampires. Basically what goes in must come out. Inspired by an answer I gave to another writer, this is basically what I came up with before deciding on the physiology of my vampires.

To start with, Vampires would have to have some form of digestive system in order for the blood to process through their system. They would most likely have to at least pee at some point, otherwise have some other system for fluid and waste removal from the body, ie. evaporation through the pores by sweating.

It really depends on the vampires. Are they dead or turned? Are they genetic abnormalities born as vampires and so not strictly speaking the living dead? Is vampirism a disease that brings the human to the brink of death and transforms their cells into something else?

It's all very well to say classic vampire, but is there really such a thing? Different countries have different vampire legends. Here in Ireland we have a place said to contain the body of the original Irish vampire. He was described more as a demon and so was never human, it makes sense his body never functioned as human and didn't require human digestion, and so he possibly didn't have the ability to consume human food. The place is said to be cursed to this day. Did you know Bad in Irish is droch and blood is fola, sound familiar? In other countries vampirism spread like a disease through all walks of life including royalty. A princess who died of a blood disease was said to have lived a secluded life while raising wolves. So it may be unclear if she lived as a vampire before her death or became a vampire after when her body was disposed of under unusual circumstances.

Throwing up the human food later is what the vamps in Twilight do. It sits in their stomach and is never digested. I've seen the same process used in several other books. I think if a body was once human at any point and still requires the ability to digest liquid in the form of blood it isn't a stretch to say the vampire would have the ability to process food, even though it would have no nutritional value. Since their senses are heightened, if they live among humans, they may even enjoy certain foods and the experience of eating, textures, smells... or it could go another way, food is abhorrent to them because of the same heightened senses.

Their predator nature could also influence digestion, but this could go both ways too. As a predator living among their human prey, they may want to blend as a way of hunting. An ability to consume human food without the need to get rid of it later could be helpful. Otherwise they may train their body not to reject the food. Although as a creature higher up on the food chain, would they need to circulate among prey to hunt or simply snatch their food from the shadowy recess of a dark alley or street?

Alcohol would most likely prove no difficulty in it's purest forms, gin, vodka. The higher the alcohol level the better since it would absorb into the blood stream and be removed with the rest of the liquid. Vampires could go to a bar and drink happily I think.

The important thing to remember when writing vampires is to remain consistent in the universe created for them. Because vampires aren’t real, no one can say what a vampire will or won’t do, how they live or act. They can say a writer isn’t abiding by the mythology but as I’ve already explained, the mythology covers a lot more than vampires being the soulless living dead and surviving on on blood.

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Drochfola! That is SO cool. Unlike Jennifer, I've gotten into discussions about vampires peeing, and other bodily functions before. I still find it interesting. I completely agree w/ what you say---the vampire rules aren't set in stone, but a writer should be consistent within their own universe. I prefer a vampire that can digest---with no nutritional value, as you say.

On thing my vampires would never, never, ever do though is sparkle like a Vegas showgirl. That's just...disturbing.

Great topic! I've wondered a little bit about their digestive systems. One thing that is a little consistent between vampires is how the blood does rejuvinate them - their complexion becomes rosier, etc. I, however, do not mind sparkly vampires... :o)

Great question! I believe the answer does depend on what story or myth you are reading. Like you said, a writer must be consistent with their own universe. If a vampire eats and drinks normal food and beverages, then he would have to pee. It makes sense. I think it gets a little trickier if the vampire is on a blood only diet. But then he is still drinking the blood. If he was once human, his inside would still have to process it. You'd think they'd still end up have to, you know, pee.

I think I love this topic because I get to type pee so many times. :) Seriously, I got excited when I read the title. Oh, and just because it was mentioned, I prefer my vampires not to sparkle.

Absolutely great point about the complexion. I also prefer non-sparkly vamps. The vamp in that particular story I was writing for nano would be horrified at the idea of sparkling. He's more the dark alley type of guy than sparkling in the sun. :-)

Excellent point, not just about vampires' digestive intricasies, but really about thinking through the details. Nonetheless, I shared your post with my friend Sarah White who's teaching a class on vampires at Purdue Univ. North Central and she really enjoyed it too.

I love the amount of detail with which you're thinking about vamps. I have a shelved novel about vampiresque creatures that this brings to mind. I think my creatures pee. Of course, it's all up to me. :)