This would be a funny idea if office buildings had windows from which you could jump. But as it is, these glass and steel towers are shut tight and the only air that's let in is through the HVAC systems sucking in the polluted city air from the outside and intermingling it with the sweaty stench of the engineering department. I've even left bars of Irish Spring outside the elevator doors for them, just to give them a push. I came back two days later and they had built a pyramid out of the soap and it must have been 100 soda cans. The smell was no better. They live in squalor and reek to high heaven, and I can't imagine they're very healthy. One guy comes up to the exec floor every now and then sniffling and dragging some sort of pillow doll behind him. I see him at meetings every now and then, guzzling a soft drink and nuzzling that goddamned pillow. We can't fire him because he apparently knows the entire network and he works for very little pay, only taking the free drinks and free chips. I have been thinking of proposing that we do away with these things in an effort to promote a healthier workplace, but I really just want the engineering floors to stop smelling like a zoo.

Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. [moment of silence] Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.

AverageAmericanGuy:This would be a funny idea if office buildings had windows from which you could jump.

There are tools that will break right through large office window glass. Anyone buying this parachute would be wasting their money if they didn't store the requisite glass breaking tool along side the chute. Most of that sort of glass is designed to fail without creating large shards, so combined with a parachute, it could be quite effective.

The valid reason to get one of these is fire, not airplanes. Even so, nearly all skyscraper fires are very survivable by simply following directions and taking the stairs when the fire is under control. But hey, if you work in the 90th floor and have money to burn, why not? Piece of mind has a value.

The morning of I eat microwave burritos and eggs with a bowl of sauerkraut. Since our meetings tend to be later in the day, my gut is nice and bloated by the time things kick off. I crop dust on my way to my chair and continue to let loose a barrage of SBDs while giving someone next to me the stink eye and shifting my seat away from them,giving the illusion that its not me.

The meetings are always cut way short of the scheduled end time....always. My gas could make the UN's list of WMDs....so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

A lot of people jumped from the towers. I'm guessing that a few would have survived had they had a chute. Perhaps quite a few of them. I think it's a great idea. Couple it with one of those sonic glass breakers and you've got your escape plan.

In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.

...because there are so many occasions when one needs to leap from a building over 20 stories under circumstances when the stairs are not the better option. It's happened so many times around the world in the last 20 years.

swingerofbirches:I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

Because by the time a human climbs into a net and packs himself in Styrofoam peanuts, he's burnt to death in the highrise fire.

swingerofbirches:In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.

swingerofbirches:In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.