This is the blog of Morten W. Petersen, aka. morphex in various places. I blog about my life, and what I find interesting and/or important. This is a personal blog without any editor or a lot of oversight so treat it as such. :)

Some days reflection

So, Friday a Norwegian guy went on a rampage and first set off a bomb in Oslo (killing 7, so far) and then a bit later went around and slaughtered young kids (about 86, so far) for over an hour on an island.

I found the whole thing very disturbing, and at first it seemed unreal that something as big as this could happen in Norway. But it did.

I've reflected a bit about it, and thought that it's one thing to set off a bomb, another is to go around on an island and slowly but surely slaughter over 80 kids and some adults with "high impact" ammunition, as they scream and beg for mercy.

He was apprehended and in interrogation told the police that what he did was gruesome but necessary.

So here you have an intelligent guy that decides to kill a bunch of people, because of anti-islamist and other beliefs and trying to "save" Norway (and the world?) from "left-wing" thinking. The guy was on the extremist right-wing.

Well, he's going to be put to justice I think.. I think he'll be kept in "safe keeping" for the rest of his life. There has some been talk about how a person could be able to do this and that he is a psychopath (had an antisocial personality disorder). There has also been talk about him being psychotic, but it is hard to believe that a guy could have such a high level of functioning and be psychotic. Maybe delusional, and maybe other things.

Maybe he'll be able to change.. maybe there were one or more deep things that enabled him to emotionally be able to do this. Maybe he'll be able to change from what he is today.

There are war criminals that have slaughtered a lot more people than he did and that have relatively short sentences and that this guy thought he was doing the necessary thing in a kind of war. But these are complicated questions and it will be interesting to see how the trial goes.

The week in review

This week has been OK, a bit tiring at times. Isak has been sick since Sunday evening, and he is still sick - but I guess somewhat better.. he's more active and responsive now.

It has been very tiring for Hilde, where Isak wakes up several times at night and pukes and eats. As the doctor said, puking might be because the mucus from the nose-and-throat region gets swallowed.. on a lighter note, Hilde's sister says kids who puke get well faster.

I've had an OK week, some stress with work and tiring that Isak cries and is sick, which makes Hilde stressed as well. But, Hilde and I had a good chat the other day and I think I'm getting better too.

Some late evenings I still get the dry mouth / swallowing / breathing anxiety, and an evening or two ago it felt like I could die or something if I fell asleep, so I laid there, tried to relax and fall asleep and then a jolt hit me when I was about to go to dreamland. {Later.. and that happened repeatedly]

But, talking to the psychologist and getting to know that this is normal is comforting, and I know I have to work myself through things, however difficult it may be.

Today we went shopping at IKEA, and bought a big, fluffy rug (in moss-/olive-green) as well as orange and black towels, some kitchen and eating tools and misc. other things. When the furniture for the living and eating room arrives, we'll have an India-furniture style going.

Colors

In January or February (I think) I talked to my psychologist about having a couple of seconds where I saw red/green light flashing (and nothing else, I think.. it might've been other colors too, but red/green was what I remembered). It was a weird and scary experience, I can tell you that much.

It's interesting that they ran this article now.

I guess you can see where the paranoia and grandeur kicks in, and how weird it can be with these conspiracy thoughts and being surveilled/broadcasted in some way.

To good health, no recoil

So.. LIP

I'm back on the ground in some ways, but still feel stressed and tired.

I don't know if it is the disease or something else, but the half last year or so I've felt surveilled and manipulated. Where I am now, I know it seems far fetched, and it could just be me going into a negative cycle.

But, as these things go, I'd just like to say that my phone could have been eavesdropped/controlled (for a long time) and my computers also surveilled or controlled, and my input from the world (stuff I read and see on the net). I guess I've dumped enough of the threads that needed nesting to someone to make a rope and hang me with, but so be it. Accidents happen etc. So if something interesting happens in the future, I've probably said the wrong things or spoken publicly about something I shouldn't have.

Don't trust anything except what you can see me say in person. :)

That said, I'm having a hope that this could all resolve and be done with, and that I could get some sort of diagnosis on what are very real psychological issues. And that's perfect if you think in the paranoid sense, as it in many ways can discredit me.

I kind of jokingly thought I could go into politics, but where I am now.. if I get a diagnosis, I could go back to studies, and study something really interesting. Or, I could just continue working and fiddle with things on the side.

Art has begun to interest me more and more, so maybe something like that. But one has to make a living etc.

111

A busy day

We went to the priest's office today, for the talk before Isak gets baptised. The priest was a nice and wise man, who talked about being a Christian was about the relationship to God. And that man acquired the knowledge of what is sin and isn't.

I've wondered lately, what else is there. Is there something beyond the physical boundaries. One can wonder..

He drawed while talking (upside down too), the image is scanned and below (I assume it's OK to publish it, since I got it after asking to keep it). He had a nice thread going through the conversation and went off track inbetween and made some interesting points. He also mentioned that it wasn't about indoctrination, I've had some thoughts about that before - but oh well.

But yes, a nice man - 65 years old. At the end I asked if he had read The Divine Comedy.. he said no, he had heard about it. But that his wife (who's into books) - probably had.

So, here's the drawing (click on it for a larger version):

On Sunday there's the baptizing, I guess afterwards - we'll eat cake - and maybe mom/mom-in-law can make some Waldorf-salad too.

Huss

So, suddenly the word huss popped into my mind. I googled it, but couldn't see anything definitive. I seemed to remember it was a word, so I went to m-w.com (a nice place to look up words), but it said it was only in the unabrigded dictionary.

And that costs 5$ per month. I thought, why not. m-w.com is a fine service and I can pay a bit extra.

Is kinda sucks that information like that should be behind a paywall though.

I have a plan...

:)

In not so related news, I was at the therapists place today. We talked, and it came up that I.. I think I have a somewhat negative memory. Earlier I blogged that I've always been a bit dietetically challenged, but we were up in Trondheim this week and looked at pictures, and there were many from my childhood were I wasn't obese.

I wonder if it has been some sort of very deep depression or something else, that has left a permanent imprint of some sort of thought.

I also seem to vex between different modes or interpretations of reality (3 at the moment), where some wacky thoughts pop up, and then it could also just be coincidences of events.

Hm hm

"So what would be wise investor get as a solid return on that sound investment in public policy? Higher minimum wage, environmental protections, robust public goods, and greater social justice. Just kidding."

Well, if you're cynical I guess the right thing to do would be to make sure the machine runs efficiently (damn the consequences), or maybe the idea is to trim the bush. Maybe it is a reasonable thing to live without a safety net over your head, or not go to the Opera in Gotham.

"Economists assert that the largest transfer of income will be as the older generation leaves wealth to the baby boomers. Inheritance has been estimated to make up 6% of the US GDP each year.[10] The current generation is wealthier than any generation before. This increase in wealth and inheritance indicates a rise of "old money" in American families. Stephen Haseler argues that America is becoming an inheritance culture in which much economic opportunity is from family inheritance and not personal achievement.[11]"

Is the timer for the music for the chair game gaining on the end?

For those squeamish of bloodshed, I guess one can hope that international trade and the internet will create the internation. One can wonder where the power will lie.

As we reap the environmental rewards of past development, we can live longer, happier and things like that.

I-something

I got an iPod nano for Christmas from Hilde, and I haven't used it much so far. It looks good though, and I'm impressed they managed to get a video camera and playback in there. Nice design on the device too..

I've had a Nokia E90 for some years now, and it works OK, but I'm kinda ready for a change.. the phone is a bit slow, but I guess that's the OS.

I see Spotify is available for the iPhone now, and that makes it a bit more tempting to go for an iPhone next. A lot of my friends have gone for an HTC phone, and that HTC uses Android is cool.

Oh well, for now it would be cool to have Spotify sync against my Nano, but I guess that is a pipe dream.

A helping hand

I was in a meeting today and got some talk therapy. It was helpful, but I still fall back into the negative thinking process which keeps on spinning.

Headaches come and go during the day.

I'm going to try to relax a bit now however, and watch Isak play with the set of babytoys, it gives some joy to see him all mezmerized by some hanging plastic things. Oops, he fell asleep, snoring a bit. :)

Not so old I'm cold

Sign O' the times

I salute to that, as I'm drinking Pripps Blå Extra Stark right now, a beer I bought in Sweden yesterday. Were they have much lower prices. All combined, I saved around 7-800 Kroner on that short trip, as I got to use Hilde's customs quota as well.

Grin

Evolution strikes again

"Their argument, in effect, was that the SYM is putting off traditional markers of adulthood—one wife, two kids, three bathrooms—not because he’s immature but because he’s angry. He’s angry because he thinks that young women are dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling, and gold-digging. He’s angry because he thinks that the culture disses all things male. He’s angry because he thinks that marriage these days is a raw deal for men."

That's what happens when you experiment, I guess. I like the traditional roles, that the man is the breadwinner and the woman is at home. Or perhaps not like, but the roles are familiar and predictable.

I'm not saying women are less capable of doing a good job at the workplace (raising and nurturing kids in a good way with good results is one great feat and I've met women in prominent positions doing their jobs well), but it is the natural (as in, nature's way) order of things. Hilde (my better half), is mostly the boss at home. Boss, as in, she takes initative to doing things in our home (and I say, "uh ... OK" ;)), and often arranges social events. No, I was only kidding, it's not that way. We talk and discuss things, but she likes to deal with those things and I play along.

I've gotten a bit better at the homebase thing myself, stepping into the softer manly role. After all, she has a job too and nobody is a superhero.

Times they are a-changin' - that's for sure. Maybe we're getting exactly what we're wishing for?

Maybe the feminists got a little more than they bargained for, or maybe it is just something that needs to be balanced out over time.. I hope for the latter.

Anyway, I find it interesting how we try to come to terms with evolution. If we take evolution's history, things started out as little not very intelligent organisms. What's been happening for the last thousands of years is nothing more than us collectively becoming a bigger organism. The tribe, the kingdom, the state, the .. what? :)

Rush

Random spillage (correct me if I'm wrong)

Last last night (around 3 AM) Hilde (my girl), Kaye (my bro) and I came back from 2 weeks in Spain. Also in the gang was Britt (friend of Hilde, but she had to leave after a week).

We spent the last week with Hilde's folks as well, which was a good time. It's good to get to know her family and get some roots (for our flower to grow ;)). :)

Anyway, there was a lot of time to think and relax on the trip, and for better or worse, I think a lot.

Religion, politics, existence are things that I often mull over, to the point of being like a bulldog that never lets go. Picking up bits and pieces of information on the net as I go along. :)

Anyway, what I'm thinking is that religion is a system which in many ways has been the basis of modern society. Rules, rituals and laws which bring order to chaos. The chaos of survival of the fittest, the selfish gene etc. Structure to the slow burn that evolution is.

I learned a bit about Christianity in school, and although I understand and respect the basic rules, some of those rules are outdated as well. It's like a artist called Ravi said (something along the lines of) in a song, "navigating by old maps is insane".

The bible is full of good stories and metaphors that can teach us something about life, and I suspect that with a bit of experience in that field know that there is no God or Devil, Christianity is a tool devised to give people meaning and hope (and perhaps to give "the wise" the control they need). I guess there is some good in most religions, it's just about picking the right things. Maybe YOU should start one of your own? Nirvana sounds like a good idea to me. ;)

Heaven and hell, the carrot and the stick.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions they say, and that is often true. The US plays cop in the world, and steamrolls Saddam under the excuse of avenging the 9/11 attack. Too busy taking care of others business to take care of their own (financial collapse anyone?)

I'm not saying Saddam is a good guy, and maybe these smoke and mirror games are required to keep the public at ease and prevent things from escalating, but that's basically saying that "we know what's good for you, now take this sweet pill."

Maybe these things are just bumps in the road towards A Better Place (TM), but I can't help thinking about it.

I read the other day that the universe could stop expanding.. or "working" or whatever in 50 billion years. The basic laws of physics implied that.

Well, isn't it time to stop the bickering and work together to bend the laws of nature so that we can ourselves be gods, and be able to manipulate everything?

I saw the Matrix some years ago with a friend (Erik) and he kinda got the point, it took a while (me being hung up on details) before I understood the metaphor. The most of us are living in an illusion, being born into it and being none the wiser.

As not seen on TV

Interviewer: So, what do you think of Donald Trump?Interviewee: Donald Trump.. He has built something, so I guess you gotta respect that.Interviewee: Hey, do you like clowns?Interviewer: Yeah.. I guess.Interviewee: Yeah, me too. They look funny and make me laugh. Not all are funny though.Interviewee: I started loosing my hair a while ago, and hey, I noticed you have lost some hair as well. Still looks OK though. I mean - you're a guy. I just shave my head and it looks OK too.Interviewer: Yeah, it was a little tough at first loosing my hair, but then I came over it and just let go.

A performance by the good doctor

"We might disquise the medicine of philosophy in sweet tasting candy. Such the method of art. Can art cure those who are convinced they are not sick? Can art cure those who are so sick as to make virtues of their vices? Who hire think tanks and publicists to praise and promote their disease?"

Blog frequency

You readers of my weblog have probably noticed a burst of blog entries lately. I don't know exactly why that is, but I'm feeling energetic and creative.

I know friends are reading this blog, and that's enough for me really. The reason I find Facebook so interesting is that you get to see what's happening with people you know, it's entertainment, but I think it's more edible, human and real than what you get on the TV. It's fresh. :)

Those who know me, know that I'm not that much of an outgoing person, and that I like to think. And talking about things (thinking out loud) is useful when it comes to processing thoughts; blogging also puts pressure on the person who blogs, as anyone can comment and call you on bullshit, or link to you and say that's a load of crock.

Anyway, the reason I started this entry is another blog entry about blogging:

Ello old friend

The world just got smaller..

Daddy got a new pair of shoes

Got myself some new shoes yesterday as the old ones were starting to fall apart (I usually wear shoes for as long as it is possible). Price was very good and they look OK. Just wonder how they'll be to wear and how long they'll last.

Keep on truckin'

Idling by

Today I decided the day was mostly for resting. There's a lot going on at the moment with business and all that so it is nice to catch a break every once in a while. Just look at the to-do list and blissfully ignore it and reschedule issues.

Towards the end of the week I'll be going for a date with a girl named Monica (she's a cutie) and we'll have some chow before we go to a concert with Ska Cubano. Didn't like their music straight off the bat, but I'll get their album and listen to it a bit more since she suggested we go to this concert. She's half Vietnamese and I gotta say, that worked out well. :)

Then there are meetings to come as well, where we will lay plans for the future of some of our local offerings to the SMB market here in Norway. So far it's been "play by ear" (which has worked) but now we'll try planning and executing that plan. I feel good about it, we'll have to make commitments and work to make sure deadlines are met. Will be some good food and entertainment during the days we have meetings too, and I've heard rumors about an English breakfast which should cure any ailments we contract..

Can't blame the man

Lucky

After a long day it is time to go to bed. I got nice presents, good food (beef, cream marinated potatoes ++) and good drinks (wine, cognac). Feel very fortunate to be able to share this time with the family and get stuffed; not all people are so fortunate.

The next couple of days it will be visiting family and friends and probably some more work on the Issue Dealer. The mail handling gateway is working nicely now and soon enough it should be an important, integral part of what the system can offer.