You might be familiar with the term “quality time,” but what does it really mean and how do you actually spend quality time with your wife or girlfriend?

It’s well documented that one of the keys to a successful relationship is to spend quality time together as a couple, but, unfortunately, the word quality is all too often confused with the word quantity.

Quality time can best be defined as time dedicated to being together, but crucially it’s also time focused on being attentive to one another. For instance, this means that sitting together in silence in front of the TV is not quality time. You might be next to each other, but it’s not the type of time that is going to bring you closer together and deepen your love and attraction for each other.

Staying Connected

It’s not about the amount of time you spend together, it’s what you do with your dedicated “together time” that matters. Sitting in front of the TV could become quality time if it’s used as an opportunity to connect with one another, but let’s be honest, how many guys really pay attention to what their woman is saying when they’re watching a good TV program?

Quality time with your wife or girlfriend can be as simple as connecting with one another and making sure that you’re both still involved in one another’s lives, including talking about each other’s wants, dreams, ambitions and interests. If you lose touch with who your wife or girlfriend really is, wants to be and loves to be, you will lose touch with the real her. Communication is essential in any healthy relationship and good communication means not only talking, but also listening to what she is saying and not saying when she speaks. A woman wants to feel understood and noticed, not misunderstood and overlooked.

It’s fair to say that busy daily schedules often get in the way of just taking the time to check in on how each other’s day went, and that the “urgency” of needing to be somewhere else can make meaningful communication feel too time consuming. In fact, it’s all too common for guys to slip into just nodding in agreement when their woman talks, without paying any real attention to what is being said. Of course, the guys who slip into pretend listening run the risk of creating a “disconnect” that eventually becomes an emotional wedge in their relationship.

Not showing genuine interest in what your girlfriend or wife has to say, will be taken to heart by her and seen as a demonstration of you not having much genuine interest in her as a person. When an emotional gap begins to form, she will also begin to distance herself sexually. However, let me be clear and say that the answer to a successful relationship is NOT about you being Mr. Attentive for her all the time. If you want a woman to WANT to be in the relationship, you need to create the type of relationship dynamic where SHE wants to please you, be attentive to you and improve YOU…not just you being good to her. If you don’t know how to create and maintain the type of relationship dynamic where your girlfriend/wife is constantly trying to impress YOU, watch The Modern Relationship.

Staying Close

Doing everything together as a couple does not guarantee a close relationship. In fact, it’s actually a recipe for disaster in most cases. In an effort to spend more time together, some guys make the decision to invite their woman to join them in their existing “male centric” hobbies. Truth be told, the majority of guys who do this may well have done so in an effort to “kill two birds with one stone” by spending time with “the wife” and also doing things he wants to do. On the surface, it may seem like a good plan: He gets to keep his hobby time and his girlfriend or wife gets to spend more time with him. Problem solved, right? Wrong! It’s not more time together that’s needed, it’s quality time. Quality time is part of what will allow your love and attachment to each other to deepen over time.

The guys who try to make their girlfriend or wife love their masculine hobbies have not only mistaken quantity for quality, they’ve also taken an important element of a healthy relationship out of their relationship – separate interests. It’s only through having separate interests outside of the relationship that both parties can continue to grow as individuals, and without personal growth there’s a real danger that the relationship will stagnate. It’s a statistical fact that one of the most common causes of divorce is simply “growing apart.”

Individual interests provide new and different things to talk about when you do spend time together and without those separate interests, sitting together in silence in front of the TV is much more likely to become the norm!

Doing Time?

Quality time is time that should be focused on being attentive to one another, not time spent together with attention focused on some other activity. However, it’s not unusual for guys to feel that quality time is somehow extra time that has to be created and pulled out of thin air in a life that’s already too busy for words! This makes trying to do stuff you normally do on your own with her seem like a good compromise, but it’s missing the point. Quality time is not something you do! You’re not “doing hard time” or doing a chore. Quality time is something you make happen by making each other feel noticed, loved, self-confident, understood and sexy to name a few things.

Understandably, a lot of guys who feel they are already spending a lot of time with their woman (e.g. eating dinner together, watching TV together, commuting to and from work together, going to the supermarket together, etc) get confused by her suggestion that they need more quality time in their relationship. As he sees it, they already have quality time and if they spent anymore time together, they’d practically be living in each other’s pockets. However, as she sees it, they don’t spend much quality time together. If he asks her what she means, almost every woman on the planet will not be able to explain what she means by quality. Why? Most people don’t understand what it means.

A boyfriend/husband may think, “If the time we already spend together isn’t enough, does she want me to give up my “hobby” time? To stop seeing my friends?” Understandably, this can lead to frustration for the man and the woman, because they both don’t know how to resolve the problem.

Finding the answer to the question of how fulfilling your quality time is together, will depend on your ability to communicate with one another and to discover what quality really means to both of you. It’s not the overall amount of time you spend together that matters, it’s how “together” you are in the time you have. Don’t be one of those guys who slips into sitting in silence in front of the TV every night, be a guy who learns the difference between quality and quantity and learns how to keep a quality emotional and physical bond in his relationship as a result.

If you want to learn how to make your girlfriend or wife fall deeper and deeper in love with you, become increasingly attracted to you sexually and have a deep and loving respect for you as a man, I recommend you watch The Modern Relationship and learn what most men don’t know about creating and maintaining a successful relationship with a woman in the modern world.

About Author

My name is Dan Bacon and I'm a dating and relationship expert. If you have a problem with women, I have the perfect solution for you. I've already helped thousands of guys to achieve instant success with women and I would love to help you too. View customer success stories, browse my products or watch this mind-blowing video about success with women.

8 Comments

Hannz22

Hey.., modern man i need 2 get girl friend and 2 be in the relationship. Bt i don’t know how…??? Just help me please…..!!!!!!

We’re all different and we all want different things when it comes to relationships. The Modern Relationship program includes footage of me talking at a seminar, where I asked the audience what they wanted:

1. Get married to one woman for life.
2. Stay with one woman for life, but not get married.
3. Have many relationships with many women throughout life.
4. Not sure.

The results of that are revealed in the program. I then give advice to the guys based on the path they want to choose, including steps that I think are mandatory if you are going to get married and be successful at it. I’ve got a lot of friends who are married and have done a lot of research on the topic of marriage and long-term relationships.

In terms of humans being able to be monogamous: Even with the high divorce rates of today, statistics show that around 50% of marriages do stay together for life (in countries like the USA and Australia for example. Many other countries have way higher success rates than that). So, it’s definitely not impossible. If you’re the “marrying type” and you find a woman who has good character and is also the marrying type, then you have a high chance of being in the 50% of marriages that succeed and stay together for life. You just need to ensure that you create and maintain the right type of relationship dynamic, which I explain briefly in The Modern Relationship and go into extensive detail on in Better Than a Bad Boy.

You also asked, “Is it possible to keep the relationship interesting for that long, and can you keep the sexual attraction between you two up. Is there a product that covers this subject specifically in depht?” Yes, that program is Better Than a Bad Boy. You’ll learn how to DEEPEN the love, respect and attraction your and your woman feel for each other.

About me: Yes, I could. However, I’m not ready yet. At the moment, I’m still enjoying dating multiple women at once. Since starting The Modern Man (and a couple of years before when I’d worked out The Flow), basically every long-term girlfriend I’ve had has wanted to marry me and start a family, but I’m not ready for that yet. I’m 35 now and I think I might be ready by about 45.

Hi dan, i have been married for 10 yrs we got married in early age . As u said many couples find difficulty in quality time n quantity i’ve got same problem my husband thinks watching tv, shopping etc is enough so this problem is leading towards divorce i am trying to make him understand but my patience in getting low plz help me i love him very much and i don’t want to lose him bt..

Just tell him the truth: It is not his fault. Growing up, most of us guys don’t get taught what I now teach here at The Modern Man. We then look to TV and movies and find no guidance or education there either. Tell your husband another truth as well: You love him and simply want him to learn a bit more about relationships. You don’t have to divorce, you just have to improve and grow as a couple. That’s life and it’s a great thing.

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