Sometimes Public School Is the Answer

I never thought I would say that sometimes public school is the answer. But, this past year, I realized sometimes public school is the answer (and I should not use the word never).

sigh….

Yes, this past year my oldest attended public high school. Please, if you homeschool, hold your judgment until the end.

For years, he talked about high school and how he couldn’t wait to go. While we never had any intention of sending any of our children to public school again, I (yes, I – not ‘we’) decided it would be best for this particular child to venture out of the home. He needed to spread his wings, put his character to the test and (while I hate to admit it) show me if his home education stacked up well to his friends who had never homeschooled.

In many ways, I was pleasantly surprised at how well he did.

After a few rough weeks of acclimating academically, he found his footing and ended the first semester with a 3.8 GPA! WOOT WOOT! I was ecstatic. He was taking one honors class (Biology – oh yes, Apologia had prepared him well) and the rest were college prep classes.

To say, I felt a little proud, is an understatement. I felt that I had proven to many (non-homeschool) friends that homeschooling was just as good as the private and public schools his friends and peers had attended.

I know most homeschool Moms worry about that. Many homeschool Moms never share their fear because we are afraid others will think we don’t rely on God’s sovereignty enough… so, there it is. I’ve shared my secret fear and how public school answered that question.

But, that wasn’t the reason I decided public school was an option.

You see, I knew it was becoming a heart issue. This young man is a social creature. He thrives on being around other people. Not just some people, but any person. So, I knew he needed the opportunity to get out, meet more people and use that opportunity to see how his character would hold up. I also knew that the heart issue would fester and grow as long as that fruit was hanging there and I didn’t afford him the opportunity to prove that he could hold tight to what he had been taught at home.

So, I took him to the big school, with few windows and thousands of other kids.

I bet you’re wondering how his character in the world of public school and ‘all it has to offer’ especially since I shared how he did academically.

I wish I could say he remained unscathed and stuck to everything he had been taught. But, he didn’t. His character did not soar as high as his grades, it plummeted to the ground. Circumstances, bullying, self-esteem and knee injuries took their toll on his heart.

So, we have removed him from public school and it is not my intention to send him back. To help overcome some of the heart issues, we will be using books and products from the Character Bundle this summer to rediscover some of the fruit of our previous homeschool labor. (I’ve already purchased it and recommend you buy our own bundle(s)!)

Please do not get me wrong, there are some wonderful students and teachers in public school and we will remain involved. However, unless God pushes me through the door, that will not be an option any longer.

Public school became an opportunity to help my oldest see that he can do the work and there are many things that are ‘good’ about school and many things that are ‘bad.’ He would argue that there are good and bad things about homeschool.

And that is an argument we would both agree on.

No ‘school’ is perfect. No person is perfect.

Sometimes public school is the answer and sometimes it is not. In our case, it answered many questions but helped us remember the reasons we chose to homeschool.

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Comments

I appreciated your openness in this post. I think it’s a hard thing to navigate when older children think one thing is best for themselves and parents think otherwise. I hope the year ahead brings renewed joy for you and your son.

Thank you for your gracious comment. We have to prepare them for the world and sometimes that means letting them spread their wings in a way you know will not take them to the destination they really want.

Hi Rebecca! I too let my oldest children go to public high school–it was such a hard decision…I always said/and felt I was following God’s will for my kids to homeschool…but as I struggled with the issue, I realized the reasons I didn’t want them to go were more based in my pride…”I am going to finish this thing!” and fear. Public high school hasn’t been perfect…but it has been good for them (and me). I truly believe each child and circumstance is unique…thankful God is with us each step of the way! My 3rd child has no interest in public high school…so now I’m preparing to homeschool through high school with her…I had just gotten used to the idea of sending them off (kinda nice not teaching Algebra and Chemistry)–but God clearly has a different plan for this one! He keeps whispering–trust Me!! Thanks for sharing–Hugs to your heart!!

We have one child in a small country Lutheran school and the rest are homeschooled. I completely destroyed my relationship with my son, trying to stick to homeschooling when he clearly needed to be somewhere else and it just was not for him. I get much judgement and mean comments from other homeschoolers towards parents who send their children to school. I can’t go to any homeschool group things because the conversation inevitably turns to how awful all schools and teachers are, and how awful the parents are who put their children in those places. I can kindly point out until I am blue in the face, that not all schools and not all teachers are that bad, and there are pros and cons to both, but it goes right over their heads and I continue to get judged and guilt tripped over and over again. I need friends and support in the homeschool community, but I don’t see how it is possible anymore to be a part of that community, when I have one child in school. You went one year being both a public school parent and a homeschool parent, did you experience this? If so how did you deal with it?

Amy, There is a lot of truth in your comment. I knew not trying school would be a HUGE heart issue and it was causing problems. The problems did not stop though when he went to school. They changed. If you read the post before this, there were new problems and now that he is home, we’re having that same old – going to school – conversation. I’ll write more about that later… but it is HARD HARD when you see the truth and know what is best and want to do what’s best…

And yes, it is hard straddling both worlds – homeschool and public school. I was very blessed to have a friend who would talk with me about both sides. I have not been overly involved in the homeschool world for a while and some of that is due to finances and other is due to exactly what you have shared. I’ll write more about that later, as well. I should have it up this week. It’s a topic that needs some attention in a world that promotes doing what’s best for your child and grace yet judgment can feel so harsh and leave a Mama lonely.

If that’s you – please know you are NOT alone. Maybe my writing can help bring the worlds together because really, we all just want to do what’s best for our children.

So sorry you have experienced this. I’m blessed to have homeschool friends who don’t take an all or nothing approach – several of them have done public schools for some kids, or some years. Hoping that you’ll find loving support in your parenting journey.

Thank you for this. My husband wants to send our son to public school next year for 8th grade, mostly motivated by sports. I’ve really struggled with it, but my desire is to submit to him in this decision and pray us through it. You’re right, we could all learn a lot about ourselves in the process, and that surely can’t be a bad thing.

Part of the reason my son wanted to go to school was sports. I wish I could say that turned out well, but it did not. However, that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t turn out well for a different family or at a different school, Tabby.

Just pray over your decision and share your concerns with your husband. Some things we learn, we can’t unlearn….

I was bullied and sexually harrassed in public school. Even though my parents were always there, I felt abandoned by them and never felt confident enough to confide in them. When I became a mom, I was determined to homeschool my kids so we might have a better relationship than what I had with my parents. But I’ve begun to see the need to allow my kids to be exposed to some amount of real word stress in various forms. It hasn’t been fun so far, and there have been many tears, but as they are encountering the ugly side of the outside world, I find myself more earnest in prayer for them and I see them appreciating the safety and comfort of their home and family more. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done! I just wanted to tell you thanks for sharing about your own schooling journey. It confirms some of the lessons I’m trying to learn.

Patricia, I am so sorry for all you have experienced. I can’t imagine that. The best any parent can do is teach their children about God (His truth and son), pray for them and do all they can to prepare them for this world – to Glorify God. We will all fall short…living in a fallen world. Thank you for your comment. You are a BRAVE Mother

After homeschooling my son thru graduation, it was a difficult decision to put my daughter into school (9th) last year. However what made the decision so much easier was having her in a Christian school! She did pretty well transitioning over, and it has been better on our relationship, which had been suffering because of her lack of interest in homeschooling…. She’s made new friends and overall it has been a positive experience for both of us!