My journey through life with boys, our real food adventure, and finding joy in the mundane.

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Baggage

In the recent weeks, my teeny L has made some fabulous strides. He sprouted teeth, he crawls SO fast both to me, and away from me. He stands up on everything, and is cruising the furniture. He is in to stuff! Baby books, instagram and facebook feeds are not enough to record these events. These milestones are memories I want to keep readily accessible in my brain. I want to be able to recall them in years to come and have them be as clear as they are now. Like a mental picture.

My mind does not work that way. Things get muddled and noisy. It is almost as though my mind is a daisy chain of suitcases that I drag behind. They are filled with my life experiences. Memories from childhood, and today. Thirty some years of life is not long, I am aware, though my chain is long. The chain is full of memories both good and bad; truth and lies.

The heavy items, the baggage, keep me from moving forward at my desired pace. They pop open on my life journey, spilling their contents into the forefront of my memory. They surface lies told in years past that I have accepted as truth. Wounds are reopened as I struggle to close the lid on them. Like gremlins, the lies multiply. “You are not appreciated” they scream….”You are not valued!”

In addition to dragging items behind, it feels like I often have glasses on that change my view of a situation or interaction. I see something different through these lenses of regret or hurt that makes me behave in a way that is not warranted. I lack patience and grace believing that I know how things will turn out. I do not take risks because the effort of pulling any more items is too daunting.

The process of unpacking, and choosing to let go of baggage is just as overwhelming. Some items can just be unhooked from the chain, and allowed to drift away. Others require that they come out of their case and get washed with truth. Who has time to do all of that laundry?!?!

I need space in my cases for the good stuff that is worth keeping. The valuable daily little milestones and victories. The sweet laughs of my boys, that tell me I am doing some things well. I need to lighten the load to be a better mom, and a better wife. One that does not look behind at the road traveled and make decisions based on fear.

Bottom line…

I am loved and VALUED by God. My life, my family and my outlook would be different if I chose to carry this truth with me on my journey.