I am a 38-year-old male with a part-time command of the English language and extensive technology experience.

I have been building/troubleshooting/repairing/hacking/playing with computers since I was 8.

Although I have little in the way of formal education, I’ve had a career in corporate information technology since 2001.

My current professional title is “IT Manager”…the importance of which in the Grand Scheme of Things is self-evident.

I smoke marijuana every day, as it provides the perspective I need to live among The English.

I enjoy playing video games.

I have a genuine distaste for authority, unjustifiably entitled persons, and garden-variety assholes.

I can’t solve the mysteries of the universe for you, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time on this planet, it’s that if there is a meaning of life, it’s definitely not “to work hard”.
[That’s not to say anything hard isn’t worth doing, but stress is the mind killer.]

I can smoke brisket for sixteen hours and make gazpacho and jjinppang mandu from scratch.

I think if I cooked for a living I would also want to kill people for a living as well.

I have included bullet points because:

They make for easy reading.

They draw the eye of “scanners.”

They infuse an air of professionalism into an otherwise unprofessional presentation.

I am an adept pirate and will often spend (read: waste) billable hours at work listening to and maintaining my hoard of illegitimate FLAC music files and the server I run at home to share/stream them to the smartphones and computers of my friends and family.

I can’t calculate the trajectory of a muon traversing an arbitrary volume, but I can discuss at length why transcoding lossy-to-lossy music files is a bad idea, or how to set up a secure cron/rsync job to synchronize your seedbox with a home computer at regular daily intervals.

I am of the opinion that our capitalism-at-all-costs society is diametrically opposed to the continued health and well-being of all living things.

I once suggested the name “Allied Industrial Disco Services” for my friend’s laser projection business and he thought it was a bad idea.

I am ready to stop using toilet words like “value-added”, “c-level”, “verticals”, “laterals”, and “deltas”. I’d enjoy never having to “drill-down” into something unless I’m holding an actual drill in my hand. I will die a happy man if I never have to “circle back” anything except the Conestoga wagons of my family and friends to protect against Injun attacks.

That said, I need gainful employment or else my family and I will starve.

2 Responses to Curriculum Vitae

Well said. However, you may have to make a few “alternative” CVs in order to actually get a paid gig. When I get some time, I’ll shoot you an email with potential jobs in the cancer center. BTW – Cindy is outie tomorrow, so PARTY TIME in Rydal.

Uncertain of where it is that you are from; a friend of mine who was an IT tech for many years for a major corporation lost her job a few years back. Since then she applied at some trucking company and now makes twice what she did. Se loves it. She gets to go to work in her pajamas if she wants. She can behave and speak as she pleases. her competency and work ethic speaks for itself and her boss adores her… so do the random truckers she meets. I have no idea if this is feasible or not for you.

Yeah, sorry… not real helpful, am I? But it was, for her, the best job she was ever ‘downsized’ from.