Before I get into this post, I wanted to again thank EVERYONE who prayed, lit candles, sent me good thoughts and energy about my battle on Wednesday. I don’t have an answer yet, and most likely won’t for a while, but it did go quite a bit better than I was expecting. I am guardedly hopeful for a successful outcome. And regardless, I went in, faced a terrifying situation and did my best. Whatever happens, I can take comfort in that. So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart; I’m sure all that good energy truly helped. For those inclined, I wouldn’t mind your continued blessings until I hear the outcome! And I’ll try and let you know what the outcome is as soon as I can.

Now, on to this post!

I’ve had some exciting news that I’ve been quiet about for a while, but I can finally spill the beans today! You guys all remember how I’ve been working with Connor Cochran from Conlan Press, publisher of Peter S. Beagle, one of my two literary heroes? It’s all coming together 🙂

This is so incredibly fulfilling and amazing to me! I began creating images inspired by Peter’s work long before I’d ever met him or had any personal interaction with him. I just genuinely LOVE his work and it made me want to create images based on how his writing made me feel. It’s a little surreal to now have my work on his covers, but absolutely wonderful 🙂

SMÉAGOL, DÉAGOL, AND BEAGLE: ESSAYS FROM THE HEADWATERS OF MY VOICE by Peter S. Beagle. 2015 Conlan Press ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Brand-new nonfiction by Peter — a collection of original essays exploring the roots of his own voice as a writer, and the people and works that have been his greatest influences. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Bryce Rankins. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

So please click on any of the above images to be taken to Amazon where you can see what titles are being offered and pick up your favorite ones! And if you’re new to Peter S. Beagle… well, you’re in for a BIG treat.

If you’re liking the idea of this but don’t own an e-reader, don’t worry. New hardcover editions of these titles will be available in the near future and the plan so far is for at least most of the covers to remain the same.

Many, many thanks to Connor Cochran, Charlie Petit and Peter S. Beagle for choosing to use my images and working so hard to make the covers look so beautiful. I am truly honored. Thank all you, my dear readers and friends, for your support, any purchases you may make and extra special shout-out to Katie Johnson, Bryce Rankins and Patrick Reid for their modeling in their images! We’re all on book covers!!

Something you’ll know about me if you follow me anywhere or have read any other blog entries is my deep, abiding love for Peter S. Beagle and all of his creations. Yes, he is best known for his beloved masterpiece The Last Unicorn (the same story that was made into an animated film and you probably saw as a child, not grasping its full, profound meaning). The Last Unicorn deserves every bit of praise it gets and more. It’s the most incredible story, full of wonder and love and great sorrow… and joy, despite, or because of, the sorrow. What many people don’t know is that Peter is an exceptionally prolific writer, having written more books and short stories than I can count (A Fine and Private Place is a very close second favorite to The Last Unicorn). And every single one is just as brilliant of a masterpiece as The Last Unicorn.

I actually don’t remember a time when I didn’t know the story of The Last Unicorn. As in the book, “there has never been a time without unicorns,” so there was never a time for me without The Last Unicorn. It came out the year before I was born and I grew up knowing it. My brother and I both loved it, and to this day can still quote nearly the entire thing by heart. We would make a game out of it, seeing how long we could volley the script back and forth. As I got a little older, I started reading the book, and each time I did, I discovered new levels, new depths, new nuances that I hadn’t been old enough to understand before. It’s a common misconception that Unicorn is a children’s story, simply because the movie made from it was animated. There’s nothing wrong with children reading or seeing the movie, but it is a story for grown-ups. You can’t fully appreciate the skillful, deft writing, the terrible tragedy, the glorious splendor, the tear-inducing sacrifice, the depth of the characters until you’ve experienced more of life yourself.

It doesn’t surprise me now that I look back and remember that the very first self portrait I ever took, far before I was a “photographer” or a “self portrait artist” was inspired by the book. The character of the unicorn, magically transformed unwillingly into a human girl for much of the book, taken from immortality into a body she feels dying all around her, resonated so deeply with me. I probably don’t have to draw you a very detailed map of how it relates to my experience of living in a shitty body possessed by ME. And yet the unicorn gains something which sets her apart from all the other unicorns in the world by her ordeal. She learns regret. She learns to love. She is made more full for all her suffering. It’s a hope I cling to for myself, sometimes harder than others, but one I return to again and again.

About two and a half years ago, Peter magically discovered some of my work which had been inspired by his writing (both The Last Unicorn and other stories) and his business manager, Connor Cochran, reached out to me. There is still much under wraps and it will all be revealed in time, but we began working together, which was more than a dream come true for me. Bless him, Peter is the antithesis of the saying “never meet your heroes.” Meeting Peter only me love him and his writing more. There truly are few more kind, generous and relentlessly creative people on earth. And he is this generous with everyone. At The Last Unicorn Screening Tour (which I HIGHLY recommend you attend!!) he will stay until EVERY SINGLE PERSON who would like to meet him, hug him, have him sign their book or take a photo with him is seen. Despite the often very long lines, he doesn’t make you feel rushed, he takes his time and lets you say whatever you need to say. In the moment you’re with him, you are the only person in the entire world and you have his full attention. This does mean the screenings often end in the wee hours of night, and I don’t know how they all do it, those hours would kill me, but it’s just who Peter is.

A little while after I had signed my contract with Conlan Press, Peter’s publishing house run by Connor, I gathered up my nerve and asked Connor if I could borrow Peter and photograph him as DreamWorld‘s King when they were in town for the next screening. To my joy, Connor gave me the go-ahead. This led to a nightmarish few weeks when I frantically created Peter’s incredibly elaborate costume made almost entirely out of paper (fully documented here) but the results were worth every tearful, over-tired night I had getting ready for it. No one could be DreamWorld‘s King better than Peter.

Beloved Of The Crown – Peter as the King, with Dedeker Winston and Katie Johnson as his maids.

Why am I telling you all this? Just to illustrate what an incredibly special and remarkable person Peter truly is, and how wonderful Connor and everyone at Conlan are. They put their all into every single screening. They are genuinely all wonderful people, and Peter is everything you would hope he would be and more. I’ve been fortunate enough to have attended two of them; the first time was the same day that I photographed Peter so I had no energy for dressing up myself for the show, but the second time I went as Amalthea, as seen below (which won the costume contest that night, probably because of my handmade Have A Taco Purse, which I can make for you too!). Seeing the movie in a theater never fails to bring tears to my eyes.]

Which, in my rambling, round-about way, leads to the main thrust of this post. The tour had planned on traveling to multiple countries in Europe this year, and while the movie will still be shown and everyone will still have a fabulous time, Peter will be unable to attend due to a non-threatening health issue. Peter is ok, there’s nothing to worry about, but still… even non-threatening health issues suck. Peter hopes to be back on the road soon, but I thought that it might cheer him up if we all rallied and showed him some love. What do you say? For our beloved author who writes the stories which make us weep simultaneously from sorrow and joy? He has given SO MUCH to the world, let’s try and give even a fraction of it back to him!

What do I mean by that? Well, feel free to leave a comment here on the blog. I’ll send them on to Connor who can forward them to Peter. Feel free to leave kind words of encouragement on his Facebook page or send him an email at contact@conlanpress.com. I’m sure he will really appreciate everyone’s show of support!

And let’s face it; we owe him. For decades of wonder, joy and poignant insight. For holding up mirrors full of fantasy which still reflect ourselves back and help us make new discoveries. For every brilliant word typed, every tear shed and every heart which grew in size because of his writing. For showing us what heroes are for. For bringing us unicorns.

Does anyone recognize what movie this blog’s title is from? A+ to you if you do!

You guys all know about the cross-country screening tour that Peter S. Beagle, his publisher Connor Cochran and a beautifully new, restored version of the 1982 animated classic The Last Unicorn have been on, right? Where you can see the film huge, in movie theater, which, if you’re like me, you’d previously never had the chance to do before. And it’s not merely a screening of the movie, although that would be wonderful enough. The whole evening is an event, with Q&A sessions with Peter, prizes, costume contests, and Peter stays for hours and hours after each show to sign books and take photos with every single person who would like to do so. You may remember that I was at their screening in Long Beach last August, when Connor introduced me and my work to Peter’s fans. I also had the chance, while they were in town, to “borrow” Peter for a couple hours and turn him into DreamWorld’s King; an incredible honor, and something that I will remember for the entire rest of my life.

Aerie: Peter as the DreamWorld King – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

And you guys also remember how I’m now contracted with Connor’s publishing company, Conlan Press, right? There’s a ton of stuff in the works with them that I don’t want to talk about quite yet, except to say that it will be very exciting 🙂 What is very safe to say for now is that the owners of the Jean Cocteau Cinema in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where Peter was going to be screening on January 25th decided to really up the ante at this show. Not only will you get all the amazing things that happen at every event, but George R.R. Martin, author of the Game of Thrones books, will be there as well. George R.R. Martin and Peter will be interviewing each other live on stage! It will be spectacular.

And, as if that weren’t enough, the Jean Cocteau Cinema people decided they needed to have a unicorn fine art show as well 🙂

This Dying Body – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

A few days ago, I got a call from Connor asking how quickly I could get prints made from some of my The Last Unicorn-inspired pieces. Thanks to Lauren, my go-to girl at POV Printing, I was able to get a rush order in and she printed off five huge, gorgeous pieces of my work. They’re traveling with Peter, Connor and their assistant/wrangler Cat through Arizona and into New Mexico and will be beautifully displayed and for sale at the show!

I really have to take just a moment to say what amazing work POV does. Every single thing I’ve ever had them print has turned out unbelievably gorgeously. They use archival inks and thick, museum-quality paper, almost like a watercolor paper. These are not flimsy, cheap prints. The work they put into each and every print they make elevates it to another level. I am so glad to have found them!

To Be So Full – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

So if you are at all in the area, I would strongly recommend getting tickets for the Modern Fantasy Summit! The tickets will get you in to see The Last Unicorn movie, experience two of the greatest fantasy writers interview each other, all the usual perks of a screening, as well as getting to see the art show, featuring my work along with other artists’… which you can also purchase and take home with you 🙂

Now Has Come The Time For Silence – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

I wish I were a little closer myself so I could go to this once-in-a-lifetime event! Traveling with ME is always a challenge, and I’m still recovering a little from traveling over Christmas, otherwise I’d drop everything and chase after Peter and Connor like Molly Grue after Robin Hood. If you go, please take some photos and let me know what you thought! And to satisfy my vanity, I would love it if someone could snap a few photos of my pieces up in the gallery 🙂

I hope you guys can go and let me live vicariously through you! Thanks to all who turn out!

In The Lilac Wood – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

“The rhinoceros went on, ‘I was very interested in the comparison you drew between Spinoza and Thomas Hobbes. I would enjoy continuing our discussion.

‘I do not think I can,’ the Professor said at last. ‘I do not want to talk anymore.

‘In that case, perhaps we should be on our way,’ the rhinoceros said. ‘I have lived in your house for a long time. We have talked together, days and nights on end, about ways of being in the world, ways of considering it, ways of imagining it as a part of some greater imagining. Now has come the time for silence. Now I think you should come and live with me.’

– excerpt from Professor Gottesman And The Indian Rhinoceros, by Peter S. Beagle.

This short story is one of my favorite from my tied-for-favorite-author-with-Robin-McKinley-author Peter S. Beagle. His work always has an exceptional balance of sadness and joy; in such a way that the sadness doesn’t counteract the joy, but somehow enhances it and adds a poignant radiance.

This story has quite a range of themes, remarkable considering how short it is, and manages to cover not judging by appearances, accepting wonder and awe, healing and moving on, to name a few. And with the new year upon us, the healing and moving on feels appropriate to bring up now.

It seems just about every person with a blog is tempted to write an end-of-year summary, and I am not immune to such desires. The last year was certainly very difficult for many reasons. It was perhaps the worst health year I’ve had since my body started falling to pieces with ME almost five years ago. I’ve been tracking my daily fatigue on my wall calendar for the last couple years, to denote how tired I am each day. A good day is blank, a bad day gets an X. A day that I’m so tired that I feel I could be a danger to myself or others while driving, or find myself secretly wishing just a little bit that I would get in a car accident, just so I don’t have to do whatever I’m going out to do, that gets a skull an crossbones. There are a few other designations for when it gets even worse, but you get the idea. This year I’ve had about 20 blank days, most near the beginning of the year, and far more skulls than X’s. As I said, it’s been a rough year.

But through it, I’ve made progress, and have come to see some new doctors who I feel hopeful about. And while the struggle was there, there was also overcoming the struggle. I’ve had wonderful experiences with my friends and loved ones that I hold close to my heart. I moved into a new home that I absolutely adore, and which is an incredible step up, both for Geoff and I and the animals. Calantha now has a doggy boyfriend with the Australian kelpie next door… they do lots of snuggling when she isn’t running circles around every living thing. I’ve had another year to spend with my sweetie, sharing new experiences and growing closer. I achieved some artistic goals; I had a great gallery show, got on the cover of a book, and I won some contests and awards. And of course, I took lots and lots and lots of photos. Through everything, there is always art. I’ve spoken much about the power and healing found in art, and this year it has been more evident to me than ever.

Speaking of the wearying health year, I will keep this entry on the shorter side. But I know this new year will bring wonderful new adventures. There will be more growth and change. And, I hope, healing. I would very much like to move on from the part in my life where I am chronically ill. I don’t know if that will ever happen. But I can hope. The story of Professor Gottesman And The Indian Rhinoceros brings me hope. Healing and moving on is always possible. Though the body I inhabit, the part of me everyone sees, may often fail me, my spirit is strong. Even if my body never changes, my soul always can. Good will come.

I am genuinely bubbling over with excitement over the projects that I have planned for the near future. A great deal of work needs to be done before they’re ready to be seen, but they are underway… and I can’t wait to unveil them 🙂 These upcoming photos will, on the whole, be the most detailed, labor-intensive works I have yet produced, but I am loving the whole process of creating them. It makes it all the more meaningful and personal.

What are your hopes and goals for the upcoming year?

I hope you all find this new year to be magical and full of delightful adventures 🙂