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In which I fly away

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Here I am sitting on the airplane tooling my way across America. I have Cee Lo blaring in my ear telling me to “fuck you and fuck her too” and I really should be sleeping but I stupidly started drinking coffee at 6:30 am so basically I have a 5 hour flight and I’m screwed.

Jeez, now some really strange song is on my iPod because my son goes on my computer and downloads all these really nasty rap songs which of course, update on my iPad and so when I play it on shuffle the songs can go from show tunes to hard core rap. But then, that’s the very thing that makes me such a badass cool mom so I guess I shouldn’t complain. (I just went and checked and it’s some lil Wayne song. (Hahaha…these lyrics are beyond nasty! Daniel and I are going to have a little chat when I get home)

Ok, now the steward just asked if I wanted to have a yogurt or an omelette for breakfast. Why, you might ask? Because I’m flying first class but I’m getting a little ahead of myself in this story.

FLASHBACK … A week earlier in Lynn MacDonald land:

Kevin: “Lynn, I can get either 2 or 4 tickets to the Celtics game so you can’t go with me & Daniel to the game. Can you find something else to do in Boston while we go to the game?”

Me: “The hell with that! I’ve already seen all these colleges. I think I’ll just go out to LA instead!”

…and so it was decided that I would go out to LA from Friday to Wednesday while Daniel and Kevin went to look at the colleges in Boston. After all I’ve been there twice with the girls and I seriously doubt Harvard and Boston College have changed much in the ensuing two years.

I decided I would use Dividend Points on USAir to fly out there and then I decided I would use a LOT of points because, isn’t this trip all about me? Then I decided that I should probably enjoy my stay and have a fitness center and spa available. After all, wouldn’t want to suffer on the West Coast right?

Conversation last Tuesday:

Kevin: “You’ve booked your flight, right?”

Me: “Um…yeah”

Kevin: “On the right day?”

Me: “Yeah”

Kevin: “You should probably try to book an exit row seat so you can sleep”

Me: (mumbling)

Kevin: “Lynn, did you hear me”

Me: (being completely evasive)

Kevin: “LYNN?”

Me: “Um…I used points”

Kevin: “…and…”

Me: “…and I used a lot of points…”

Kevin: “….and…”

Me: “…and I’m flying first class…”

Kevin: “Unbelievable! I should have known when you were being completely evasive. I’m 6’5″ and I never fly first class!”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Kevin: “Forget it”

Me: “Well, it’s my vacation”

Kevin: “Vacation from WHAT exactly? I dread asking where you’re staying?”

Me: (feeling all bright and happy with this answer) “Oh that ones easy! I’m saving a ton of money by not staying in Beverly Hills and staying out at Westlake Village. It’s soooo much cheaper”

Kevin: “Somehow I doubt that your rationalization is saving us money”

Me: “Why don’t you just upgrade your trip so we can be even?”

So yeah. That was earlier in the week and the long and short of it is that I’m flying first class. So I get to the airport for my 5:30 flight to Charlotte and off I go. When I get to Charlotte I go to the USair club and somebody overslept and they weren’t not open. Unbelievable! So off I go to Starbucks and I get a Venti coffee and some yogurt with berries and granola so I’m all good except now I’m hyper and full and loaded with caffeine. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem but I have plans tonight in LA and since i got up at 1 in the morning LA time I’m sure I’ll have a major crash.

At any rate, the steward just asked if I wanted an omelette or yogurt and of course I’ve already had breakfast but I know I’ll be starving later so I ask him if that’s the only meal I’ll be getting and he says yes. Well if that’s the case I ask if he can save me the yogurt for a few hours when I’ll be starving with the shakes and he just looks at me like I just broke the rules of First Class Flying. I explain I’ll be starving later and he begrudgingly agrees so save me my yogurt, I mean, for 85000 points I don’t think saving a fucking yogurt is that big a deal, ya know?

Meanwhile, I have a window seat and I’ve already gotten up once and the guy next to me is a sourpuss.

Allright, I need to go to the bathroom again because I’ve had an additional two cups of coffee. If you hear of someone murdered in the skies above the heartland, it’s probably me.

7 Comments

You should have told him you were going frugal and staying in Compton.

When I was a 14 year-old girl in dresses and certainly not looking gangsta, Cypress Hill came out with their first album. I had to have my mom get it b/c they wouldn’t let me buy it. It had songs such as “How I Could Just Kill a Man” and “Hand on the Pump.” I just liked the music, not so much the cussing or violence. I’d have still liked it if it was “How I Could Just Kiss a Man.”
Sadly, I do cuss, but think I would even if I hadn’t been listening to Ice Cube, Ice Tea, and Vanilla Ice.

Can’t believe you told the steward to hold on to the yogurt and you’d eat it later!! I’m still laughing! Hope you told that sour puss you were going to put on a diaper so you wouldn’t bother him anymore! HAHA! Hope you had a great time!