Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Is Madge Moving On Up To the East Side?

BUYER: Madonna (allegedly)LOCATION: E. 81st Street, New York, NYPRICE: $42,000,000 (asking)SIZE: 12,000 square feet (approx.) 13 bedrooms, 12+ bathroomsDESCRIPTION: Reminiscent of a London townhouse, this 26-room classic Georgian residence is notable for its extraordinary 57-foot width, making it one of the widest houses on the Upper East side, its 3000 sq. ft. garden bordered by tall trees, rhododendron and roses, and its double-car garage, another Upper East Side rarity. The 4-story townhouse has approximately 12,000 sq. ft. above grade, and offers a 38' by 22' drawing room with tall south windows overlooking the garden, a paneled dining room off the garden terrace, intimate library, 13 bedrooms, 11' ceilings, 9 fireplaces, Georgian staircase, elevator, and future rooftop garden.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to the New York Post, the real estate krazyKaballahKween is scooping up a big krib in Manhattan and it's a $40,000,000 doozy. The Upper East Side double wide townhouse stands four stories above ground on an expensive but undistinguished block of East 81st Street, an area catty brokers sometimes call the "Far East" due to its location on the wrong side of Lexington Avenue. (That's east of Lexington Ave. for the those ignorant to the snobby nuances of Upper East Side real estate).

Anyhoo, the 26-room Georgian style townhouse is currently owned by the estate of a deceased ladee named Louise Saurel who was clearly a very rich woman but about whom Your Mama has almost no information. The approximately 12,000 square foot house was listed back in October of 2008 when it dropped on to the market a knee buckling asking price of $45,000,000. That huge figure was lowered sometime after the first of the year to a still staggering $42,000,000.

All rumors and reports say that Miz Madonna will be paying in the forty million clam range, which is a bit reckless when considering that no single townhouse has ever traded in the immediate neighborhood for more than twenty million dollars. Plus, according to tattle tales who have been inside the house, the nearby Lexington Avenue subway line can be felt and heard as it rumbles through the tunnels, an unfortunate auditory issue we imagine will cost Miz Madonna a fortune to remedy.

According to the floor plan provided with the listing, the property is essentially two adjacent but separate townhouses. Altogether we count 13 bedrooms, 12 full bathrooms and 2 more half bathrooms, 9 fireplaces, 2 kitchens with 3 pantries, 2 laundry rooms, 2 entrances, 1 elevator and 2 dumbwaiters, at least 36 closets and an exceedingly rare private 2-car garage with direct access to the interior spaces.

Other dee-luxe, super star friendly features include a 836 square foot drawing room that stretches 38 feet long, a couple more sitting and living rooms, two libraries, two dining rooms, 2 Butler's pantries, a wine cellar/grotto in the basement, a 3,000 square foot garden at the back and a plans for adding rooftop garden. All in all, there should be plenty of room for Miz Madonna, her growing litter of multi-cultural children and whatever staff dares to live-in with the allegedly demanding diva.

The layout, while commodious by any standards, is a bit awkward and will likely require a few million more to de-grandma the interiors and bring it up to Miz Madonna's hyper-exacting standards. Presumably, a large chuck of square footage will be devoted to a home gym set up where the exercise maniac can get her sweat on and Your Mama also imagines that the luxe-luvin' ladee is going to have to do something about the lack of a proper master suite. If she were to ring up and ask Your Mama–which, of course, she will not–we'd recommend devoting all or most of the third floor to Miz Madge's private quarters.

One option, as we've presumptuously and crudely illustrated below, might be to use the two rear bedrooms on the third floor for a private sitting room and separate bedroom, incorporate the front bedrooms into a boo-dwar and master bathroom plus a smaller second pooper for whatever man Madge might be entertaining and stringing along. We've added a small kitchenette flanking the dumbwaiter in the master suite and we've joined the two sides of the townhouse in order to utilized the other side as the private gym space which includes a fireplace and dressing area for where Gwynnie can keep her street clothes when she comes by for Pilates and egg whites.Never one to do things on a small scale, The NY Post article snitched that Miz Madonna is also hunting for an equestrian property to purchase in either Westchester County Long Island. But Madonna's real estate madness does not end there because she's reportedly making noise about moving to the African country of Malawi in order to establish honest to goodness residency so that she'll be allowed to adopt another Malawian bambino named Mercy.

Miz Madonna already owns a trio of apartments in the Harperley Hall over on Central Park West–where she recently did battle with the board in order to purchase third apartment to the two she already had. As far as we know, Miz Madge still owns her two twin townhouses in London (although it's possible Mister ex-Madonna got one or both in the dee-vorce) and a private pad on a pretty and posh part of Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills. What else? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Although listing information currently shows the property is "Under Contract," until her spokes ladee, the tough talking Liz Rosenberg, confirms or denies the purchase we'll have to call all this bizness and brouhaha about Miz Madonna forking over forty million bucks for a new house idle chatter and unsubstantiated gossip. Got that children? It's just a rumor at this point so don't go talking about this like it's gospel.

it's all about the garages and the fact that there is no board approval. there are virtually NO houses in Manhattan with garages so you can't be picky about location. subway noixe should not be an issue, she'll cover that up with her screeching.......

Mama......ouch........"de-grandma the interior" I think it has enormous elegance just the way it is. Of course a little more color would help but there is a certain romance about a gaudy pop-culture icon shedding her breast cones and enjoying her maturity in this beautiful home. It is astonishing how much the place costs but, that aside, the proportions are wonderful and it would be a joy to live there.

I just want to say, I lived on that block of 81st Street for years and I think it's bullshit that these brokers are saying it's the ugliest block imaginable. Most of those brokers can't even afford to live in the ghetto so fuck them! I like my neighborhood and it is not ugly. Fuck you brokers!

Beautiful townhouse, gotta luv it. I especially appreciate the huge drawing room with a wall of windows overlooking gardens ~swoon~. It's classic Georgian architectural detailing is also very appealing, and the future rooftop garden will make a scrumptous cherry on top of this piece of real estate cake.

That said, it's much too expensive, but that's nothing new in celeb real estate news for those who have money to throw away. As for being on the wrong side of Lexington, do townhouses compare on the right side? Probably not many, so good on Madge if the speculation is true for at least placing what she wants in a home ahead of it's snob appeal or lack thereof.

Lastly, I imagine the garden wall will be first on Madge's list of makeovers. Paparazzi, fan, and stalker proof it definately isn't.

no where else in manhattan will you find a house that big with a huge yard and a 2 car garage - can I get a witness? if that's what somebody wants, they'll pay whatever they have to. As far as the neighborhood, well some folks consider Central Park West crap. It's not as if Madge is going to be hanging out on the streets anyway. Those days are over!

Mama, I don't think she can keep the whole 3rd floor for herself - although that was a lovely plan. But, you see, if she puts a housekeeping couple in the basement - where there are a couple of windows and what looks like a fireplace, and the 4th floor has a bedroom for each of 3 kids, a playroom, and a nanny suite, then she has no room for guests. And considering that she bought an extra house in London for her manager to be next door to her, I'd think she would want at least 1 or 2 guest rooms. And it looks like she can arrange the 3rd floor so they would be separate from her. But she would have to give up 1/3 of the floor.

she has of course become a commodity utterly devoid of charm or nuance.

which admittedly, were never her big aces, but at least you saw them in the deck.

her big talent is a zeal that borders on the missionary (tho not the position) ... i'm sure she'll turn this place into something fit for a woman with the tenacity and discipline of a mother superior, the sexual impulses of a slattern and the financial resources of a magnate.

Hope ARod didn't sign a long term lease at 15 CPW. I think he's still f**king her, but she had to take it down low for all the obvious reasons. I also think she wasn't f**king beautiful Jesus, but her ego got in the way of even the Malawi deal, and for a few weeks she just had to make everyone believe she was. Then she sent him home to Ipanema.

I think she will grow to hate this house and this neighborhood, this whole idea, and that there is a very good chance she will never move in. From what I gather, the problem for Madonna is that she thinks she is way better than the building she presently lives in, and the fact is, it is not a prime CPW building. 101 CPW, the San Remo, and the Beresford are the best of CPW, I believe, for celebrities. In other words, the Board will accept or at some point in the past did accept certain celebrities. The Dakota, which is the most prestigious on the street, apparently will not at this point. Although some, including Lauren Bacall and Yoko live there. On the East side of Central Park, I can not think of one building on Fifth that would accept her. So that's out. Park is not so interesting, so that leaves town houses. But town houses pose their own security issues. Yes, she may have a garage she can drive into, but it doesn't preclude people from hanging out on the sidewalk, literally feet from where the Lady is sleeping and doing other things. We shall see where this all eventually goes.

I don't think, per prior comment, that 'pervs' will be inspired to 'spank the monkey' outside her door.Rather, I think she's got a somewhat looney 'Princess Margaret' edge to her.What's a dreadful alternative? Mariah Carey looking at a bronze-kissed Trump Tower place?

Yeah, whatever. Madonna is cool? What does that mean? Madonna kind of just is. She is totally cool. She is totally uncool. At once, a complete fool and having the last laugh. So insulated and isolated at this point that her life is completely self-referential.

Don't forget, she's been living in a townhouse in London all this time. And there are even MORE paps and kooks there than in NYC. So she's used to the house thing.

According to Wikipedia, she's worth $490 million. So this would represent about 10% of her net worth. Of course, all she has to do is go on tour again and she can buy a bunch more homes. Again, according to Wikipedia, her last one "highest-grossing tour ever by a solo artist with $US280 million". And she's added some more dates to it for 2009. So I don't think she's to0 worried.

And you know what? Whether you love her or hate her or anything in between, and I've never really been a big fan, you've got to admit that she earned all that coin all on her own and she deserves whatever it will buy her. As far as being charitable, I've heard she gives plenty. She's not required to give it all away any more than any of the rest of us.

nice job on that floor plan, Mama! You think you could draw up some plans for our shed we want to turn into a little guest house? You know how much we want you and Dr. Cooter to come visit with us but there's just not enough room in the trailer! Bye Bye!

the house is ugly and it looks cheap. she has such awful taste in homes, clothes and everything that she does in her vile music. that house is not real georgian. regarding what you wrote about the price, she is always inflating the prices of items in press releases. it's crazy.

it's all about the garages and the fact that there is no board approval. there are virtually NO houses in Manhattan with garages so you can't be picky about location. subway noixe should not be an issue, she'll cover that up with her screeching......."