No One Is Coming…Now What?

How many times a day, week or month do you think to yourself, “When THIS happens, then I’ll be ok!” Or, the ever popular, “If I could find the perfect guy, my life would be different; I’d be happy and everything would be alright.” Or, if I could just win the lottery, get a different job, have firmer boobs or lose 20 pounds…THEN (fill in the blank here) my life would be better, happier, more complete. I believe a lot of this thinking stems from the magical fairytale bill of goods that we’ve been sold by Disney—fear not, Prince Charming will come and save the day.

As Shrek says, “What a load of crap!”

Don’t get me wrong, love me some Walt Disney, however, his movies have done women no favors. I grew up with a baby boomer mom, apron-wearing grandmother and the Wonderful World of Disney. Part of me believed in this idea that someone else would complete me, love me, save me, pimp my ride or mow my lawn.

I found this thinking creeping into my business too. If THIS or THAT would happen THEN I’d be ok. Then my business would be more successful. This thinking usually accompanied client and/or financial challenges. After fifteen years in business I even turned to a business coach, thinking HE would save me and my business. HE would have the answers. HE would show me HOW TO be more successful. HE would save me.

What I got out of that coaching changed my life forever! HE and his coach taught me two profound lessons:

It’s not the HOW to it’s the WANT to

No one is coming

IT’S NOT THE HOW TO, IT’S THE WANT TO
Both coaches shared stories of client after client coming to them and asking the same question, “HOW do I grow my business?” Their answer is always, “WHY do you want to grow your business? What do you WANT?” If the WHY is clear the HOW will appear! Once I figured out my WHY all the HOW TO’s started showing up all around me. It’s like the Universe was saying, “Oh, so this is what you want…then I’ll help you have it—here you go!” Of course, you have to do the work, take the necessary steps, but what I learned is my HOW TO wasn’t ever the problem. It was my WANT to. Because, seriously, if there’s something you want, you’ll find a way to make it happen.

NO ONE IS COMING
The second lesson I learned is no one is coming—to help me, save me or pimp my ride. Now what?! I’ve got to go back to the WANT TO. If I know what I want and understand that there is no one coming to rescue me, how will I accomplish it? What will I do in order to make my dream a reality? How creative can I be? This doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. The point is to take inventory first, clarify your WHY, define your WANT TO and take some action before asking for help.

I believe whole-heartedly that this is relevant in our personal relationships as well. Whether you’re in a relationship or are looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, ultimately, neither will MAKE you happier or more complete. Ideally, you create that all on your own—become the person you want to love (you). A mate can’t love you more than you love yourself. They aren’t capable of saving you either. That’s your job.

REPROGRAMMING
What if we reprogram ourselves and our kids to stop waiting for the white knight or a savior or a giant net to save, help or catch us and, instead, decide to help ourselves?! Imagine the outcome and faster recovery in working through a loss or disappointment. Putting the power of WANT TO to work and owning our shit. Imagine getting what you want because you choose it and earn it rather than waiting for someone else to show up and save you?!