My very talented and experienced fan-spinning (among other talents) friend Aaron told me in October, when we first lit my fans and he showed me a couple moves, that my fans weren't the best for spinning. Apparently they're not weighted well for it.

I took it to heart, but it was also my first time ever really trying them. They couldn't be that bad - after all, he was able to show me how with them - so I figured it was just a little extra challenge and that I'd be fine.

It's been a couple months since then of mostly sporadic practice, but the fans still wobble, they still fly from my hands, I still get my fingers stuck in the rings, and on the whole, I feel like a dweeby uncoordinated idiot. I don't to share video of my practice, because I suck.

But hold on. I have been practicing diligently for a few weeks now. I've had dreams of easily spinning, feeling the weight of the fans on my fingers and knowing just the right angles, flowing easily from position to position. It's in there, somewhere, in my brain... and my muscles ache for it. They know it's there too. I'm rarely so dedicated to a practice - even at the level of "weeks" (versus months and years).

My fans are beautiful, custom-made works of art. A group of Fire Fan Performer friends all ordered these fans for ourselves together, though for some it was merely another set, and for me it was my first foray into even considering lighting something on fire and holding on to it. Last night Erika admitted that these fans really aren't for spinning, at all. That she plans to spend money on another set of fans (and now I'm excited to do the same). That she borrowed a different set and was suddenly able to do tricks she'd never come close to completing with the Pretty Custom Fans.

So, I did my 30 minutes of practice last night with my wobbly Pretty Custom Fans, forgiving myself for the drops and smacks and accidental throws.

When I get some time and save some money, I'm gonna buy me some supercool spinny fans. In the meantime, I'll have some more patience with myself and feel proud that I'm sticking to it.