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Sometimes a moment comes along and if you don’t grab it then it will slip away.

In other words, sometimes ‘later’ never comes.

Over the last few years I’ve struggled with health issues. The life I had been working so hard to build seemingly began to crumble. Heart issues, Uterine Cancer and a vehicle accident that has left me with a mucked up back and pain that is now a part of my life.

The toughest aspect was the depression that once again reared its ugly head.

I felt like I was in a sinkhole and the harder I tried to get out of it the faster I was going down.

I stopped the fight and lingered for a time as I floated on a sea of despair.

The ‘Why me?’ and ‘I’ll do it later’ crept into my mindset once again.

The thing of it is I despise feeling this way. I’ve come too far to let all I’ve worked for just fade to black.

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I’ve been puttering about the house, trying to get a few much overdue projects taken care of.

I curled up on my sofa last evening with a glass of red and checked my email. I then checked my blog.

I’ve not been as engaged with my writing lately as I would like. Not too sure as to why. All I can say is this has been a year with many challenges.

I began to read some old posts I’d written. Perhaps they would inspire me as I’ve been in a bit of slump with pretty much everything it seems.

I read about running on Friday morning’s and my heart ached. I want to get out there once again. Then I read some excerpts from when I was training for the BMO 1/2 Marathon.

The initial goal was mapped out and then came the health issues. A fear had begun to creep in around that time and it is all chronicled. From the initial feeling that something was wrong, through the tests, through the triumph of the race followed very swiftly by the devastation in learning the reality of my condition.

“You’ve got Cancer”.

At times it is difficult to read some of the things I’ve written on here. There are many drafts that I’ve never published and I won’t. They’ll be removed now. These were the proposed posts that really captured my fear.

The fear that was never spoken aloud or acknowledged during treatment.

It was the fear of having my life cut short by this thing. What happens to you psychologically can be just as devastating as the illness itself.

This blog has been many things and I am preparing a post to celebrate a very important milestone.

Lately though, I’ve been looking back at just how far I’ve come over the last five years or so and I realize too that I’ve only got this moment.