An exploration of the thoughts and interactions experienced by a person without convictions

Sunday, April 5

all in all

basically, i was never angry at you, i was never pissed off at it and i was never really cut. i just had to feel those things because i didnt know what else to feel. i needed to feel something. you have no idea what it is like to not feel, to not care, to no longer need things in your life you once considered quintessential. so i just grabbed some generic feelings and expressed them, because i didn't know what else to do.

all in all though, i just really miss you. i really miss us. i miss being with you all the time, i miss being able to message you all the time, i miss you ringing me all the time, i miss the constancy of what we used to be.

its not even like i miss having someone. its not even about having a companion, its just that its you. if it were anyone else, i would probably not feel this way. i would be able to move on, and i would not feel like shit all the time.

i have come to the point now where i need you. i actually require you, as a person, in my life, otherwise im not happy. and if i have to be your friend for that to happen, then im going to deal with that. im going to have to-