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To close out the year I want to share some of my philosophy about life. As I write this, I am still in the seven-day mourning period (Shiva) of my father’s death. He went peacefully in his sleep after an extraordinary life spanning 89 years. He and I shared, among many things, a deep spiritual bond – believing in Tikkun or our divine mission to contribute to the betterment of our world. He lived by what the prophet Micah said, “All that God asks of you is to be just, love mercy and walk humbly with your Lord,” and taught me to reciprocate the blessings bestowed upon me.

Rabbi Larry Kushner wrote:

There must have been a time when you entered a room and met someone and after a while you understood that you had changed the other or he had changed you. By some word or deed or just by your presence the errand had been completed. Then perhaps you were a little bewildered or humbled and grateful. And it was over.

Each lifetime is the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. For some there are more pieces. For others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble.

Some seem to be born with a nearly complete puzzle. And so it goes. Souls going this way and that; trying to assemble the myriad of parts.

But know this. No one has within themselves all the pieces to their puzzle. Like before the days when they used to seal jigsaw puzzles in cellophane. Insuring that all the pieces were there.

Everyone carries with them at least one and probably many pieces to someone else’s puzzle. Sometimes they know it, sometimes they don’t.

And when you present your piece which is worthless to you, to another, whether you know it or not, you are a messenger from the Most High.

Interpret this as you wish, however I believe it means all our lives are intertwined and that we each influence the other somehow – even in the smallest of ways. Think about the last time you impacted another, whether through a touch, a smile, a kind word or deed, or simply by being in the same room. How did that make the other person feel? How did it make you feel?

As 2018 ends and you close one chapter to begin another in 2019, I urge you to reflect on how your actions or deeds impact the world for the better as well as what can you do next year to achieve even more. It is within each of us to be active participants in leaving this world better than when we entered. Count your blessings, share them, and live fulfilled. Be the change you wish to see in our world.

The Jewish High Holy Days are next month. These are considered the Days of Awe. Awe is a sense of reverence and inspiration. In our chaotic, loud world it is sometimes challenging to find awe. Too much stimulus surrounds us, influencing our thinking and feeling, usually for the negative. It’s a wonder that we don’t collapse under the stress of everyday life, especially if you listen to the news much of the time. What the High Holy Days remind me is to look inward; to find my true self within the silence of contemplative thought. And since I believe that when you discover your true self you discover God, you can find God within the silence.

“God is never what you think…if you can think it, then it’s only a fraction or a reference. God is an experience, a feeling deeper than things and more than words. It is the shining light we can see anywhere and everywhere! The moment we say God is Energy, Consciousness, Love, or even Life, we apply a conceptual limit to something that is beyond words, beyond limits. That is why silence is a great place to find God.”

Jonathan Ellerby, PhD

God is energy or spirit or anything else you choose. Personally, I believe it is the energy of the universe that is within us as well as outside of us. It is everywhere, has no beginning or end, and is the force within life. The most powerful place to connect with God (or your inner life force/energy) is within silence. Silence is peaceful and still. It is where you can hear your heartbeat and notice your breath ties into the rhythm of the earth.

Imagine standing at the edge of an ocean, mesmerized by the ebb and flow of the waves. Some gently lap against the rocks; others come in more forcefully. Regardless of strength, the waves come in and then roll back out to sea. Countless living organisms ride this continuous cycle along with your body as if the energy of the earth is in sync with your breath by means of the motion of the water. As you watch the waves and witness the vast strength of the water, you are in awe. Awe is an emotion combining dread, reverence and wonder that is inspired by the sacred or magnificent. As you stand at the water’s edge soaking in this magnificence, you innately understand there must be a power greater than you, whether you call it God, Spirit, Energy or something else.

As you become present to the moment, you trust in your higher power and imagine casting the negative thoughts and feelings that weigh you down into the sea. Recognize that you are but one small component in this infinite universe. Open yourself up to receive positive energy, helping you focus on your breath, nourishing your body, mind and spirit.

In order to be, one must do. I believe a person’s life is about being the change they want to see in the world. It is about walking your talk every day through helping and truly listening to others with a nonjudgmental approach. It is about being kind and expressing gratitude. This, in turn, reflects in your overall wellness. Life teaches you to be the cause of your existence, not the effect, and that only you can shift your way of thinking to transform your feelings and behavior. This is the purpose of your superhero journey.

Drum roll….and the winner(s) of the Hay House Writer’s Workshop contest are…not me. Life did not turn out as I had hoped. My story is not unique enough to warrant a formal publishing contract from this contest. Sadly, my book proposal did not even garner one of the runner-up self-publishing offers. The manuscripts that did win were also health-based yet with a more interesting approach to wellness than mine; at least in the perspective of Hay House…BIG sigh; DEEP breath….

Am I disappointed? Yes. Had I really hoped I’d win, for once? Yes. Is this the end of my writing? Absolutely not. I have a message that wants to be heard so as to help others navigate their way through chronic dis-ease. I will continue writing and I’ll just have to figure out another way to publish it. I’m proud of what I accomplished with my book proposal and am even prouder of the actual book that’s almost complete. For my memoir writing class this week the topic was, “What most influenced you during this past year? Did it take you one step closer to fulfilling your Tikkun Olam?” I want to share what I wrote with you because it skims the surface of lessons I learned from this experience that motivate me to keep moving forward and I hope they do the same for you.

As 2016 began, I gave my all to everyone else and then by a twist of fate mid-way through, I found myself believing it was finally ‘my time.’ Yet after months of forward movement, I stumbled as my bubble of hope burst; my courage dashed by the often spoken words of loved ones, “don’t get your hopes up so you don’t get hurt when it doesn’t happen.” Sadly I tend to mirror the expectations and preconceived notions of how others see me; still visualizing the insecure child I was instead of the confident woman I’ve become (and sometimes struggle to be). This year I have chosen to focus on constantly reminding myself of my inner resilience; attempting to overcome obstacles I allow to be placed before me. Whenever I look into the mirror and give my reflection a pep-talk, I remind myself that I alone hold the power to my happiness and success; it’s just a matter of perspective and faith in myself.

So this year I continued my role as devoted daughter, loyal friend, fierce advocate for the underdog, and champion of striving to be something more and/or matter more. “When life calls you, you have to answer,” was basically my motto. A synopsis of the year includes several weeks of caring for my father (and mother) when needed; accumulating the necessary hours and passing the required exam to increase my coaching credential to the next professional level (PCP); attending a Hay House Writer’s Workshop and gaining clarity of my next book; learning to play mahjong and making 6 new friends in the process; beating my previous year’s fundraising effort for Walk MS; and saying goodbye to a few family and friends as they either moved or died. I’m sure there were many other influential events this past year but my mind has trivialized them to the back-burner of my memory. Granted, not everything was easy or wonderful yet it all felt like it had a purpose. Sometimes that purpose was buried underneath a bunch of stress, pain, and suffering; but it was there nonetheless. I had this deep-seated sense that I was where I was meant to be, doing what I was meant to do.

With that said, life has never seemed to turn out as planned. My father always had me write down a 1-year, 5-year, and 10-year plan. Somewhere in my 40s I realized these plans only set me up to feel like a failure because I never recognized what I had accomplished; only what I had not. So I stopped planning for a while. Much of my life I have also been a world-class worrier. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot let certain thoughts lie still in my brain and as I age and our world becomes less stable, it just gets worse. This past year my worry got so out of control that I had to tune out much of what I call nonsense while constantly reminding myself to “let go” when stressful thoughts about my future bubble to the surface. Reminding myself of the Serenity prayer – awareness of what I can and cannot control and knowing the difference – has become a daily activity. Somehow, life in 2016 feels as if it’s gotten out of control in so many ways, yet when I stop, take a deep breath, and reflect honestly, I still find myself feeling as if I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

In March I attended Hay House Publishing’s Writer’s Workshop and at the end of the workshop we were asked to complete a writing exercise that began with the prompt, “Believe in….” I wrote: Believe in yourself, you are the change you wish to see in this world. With it you help others navigate through pain or dis-ease to wellness. You make other people’s lives easier, you matter. You make a difference. Just breathe – trust in the process of your journey. All is as it’s meant to be. God said to me, “I choose you because you can handle it. Now teach others. Remember, I AM.” Not only is this the theme of my next book, Be Your Own Superhero: A Coach-Approach to Living Well with Chronic Dis-ease, it has bubbled up to be the theme of my year (and perhaps next year too, who knows?). It certainly has prompted me to begin planning again, although this time setting intentions of who I want to be and how I want to show up in my life instead of realizing specific goals that may or may not be possible or achievable for me.

And although I live with a constant nagging sense of inadequacy and futility that I continually battle to overcome, I have extrapolated a few nuggets of helpful wisdom that are the foundation of what I teach. My story needs to be greater than me and empathize with other peoples’ pain to help alleviate it; I need to continue developing my skills as an escort into the human soul; and I have to always be courageous – willing to be uncomfortable to truly share my vision. I need to fully feel the energy in and around me whether positive or negative; having faith that I am where I am meant to be right now without worry. This year has been another giant step toward connecting me to my soul’s true journey; my true Tikkun Olam. Hopefully, I am one step closer to releasing fear, worry, and self-doubt so that I can let my light shine brightly for others and for myself. I need to continually work at practicing what I preach; standing strong and resilient in the face of chronic dis-ease so I can help others do the same.

In light of recent events, I wanted to reach out in order to help alleviate your stress. Whether your candidate or political views won or lost is irrelevant. America received a huge wake-up call that’s been in the making for decades. As a nation, the vast majority is fed up with the status quo and wants change. However, change scares many people because it exposes the unknown; causing uncertainty. And uncertainty can lead to stress.

Stress is a measure of your body’s resistance to real or perceived threats or circumstances beyond your control, your “fight or flight response.” Simply put, it is your body’s survival mechanism. Whether it takes the form of anxiety, fear, or being in an uncomfortable situation, stress can manifest physically as a rapid pulse, quick temper, an inability to focus, or extreme fatigue, to name just a few of the symptoms. Stress is a normal part of life. You cannot completely get rid of it; however you must learn to control how you respond to it.

The brain’s Fight or Flight response mechanism is the physiological reaction that happens in response to any perceived threat to survival. According to a Harvard Health Publication’s article, “Understanding the Stress Response”: “When someone experiences a stressful event, the amygdala, an area of the brain that contributes to emotional processing, sends a distress signal to the hypothalamus. This area of the brain functions like a command center, communicating with the rest of the body through the nervous system so that the person has the energy to fight or flee.” In an emergency or urgent event such as sudden onset of illness, the perceived danger sends a message to the amygdala, and then a distress signal is sent to the hypothalamus. This area of the brain communicates with the rest of your body via the nervous system, controlling heart rate, breathing, blood pressure, and so forth. When this mechanism is repeatedly triggered by the multitude of modern-day stressors, our system gets overwhelmed, our immune system is compromised, and stress-related illness sets in. Combined with less-than-healthy lifestyle choices, this creates a ripe environment for chronic illness to take hold; possibly leading to serious illness and dis-ease.

So what can you do right now to de-stress? Take a breath. “Controlling the breath is a prerequisite to controlling the mind and the body,” according to Swami Rama.

Breath is life. You need to breathe in order to live. It is fundamental in generating energy in your metabolism. Breath is also awareness; it is a way to consciously control your physical and psychological wellbeing. Breath is a physical function that you do both unconsciously and consciously. Namely, it is controllable. So what benefit would you reap from controlling your breath? By breathing mindfully and methodically you will be able to quickly alleviate most, if not all, of the physical symptoms brought on by your stress reaction.

Try this:

Sit in a chair with your feet flat on the floor or on the floor with your legs comfortably crossed. Lift your body (or core) as if you were reaching to the ceiling with the crown of your head. As you relax into this erect posture, feel your heart center facing upward and outward. Namely, you’re not all hunched over and caving in at your stomach.

Lay your palms gently on your knees. They can be facing upward or downward, whatever is most comfortable for you.

Gently close your eyes.

To the count of 5, breathe in. Pause for 2. Breathe out to the count of 5. As you do this, focus on the numbers you are counting and try to feel whether your breath is in your chest or belly.

After five repetitions, remove the pause and focus on saying to yourself, “Inhale, Exhale” while looping your breath in and out. With each complete in/out breath, try to expand the belly even further; breathing deeply. Your mind may wander to various thoughts and when it does, bring it back to ‘inhale, exhale’ to remain focused.

Once you’ve completed about 10 breath repetitions (about 5 minutes or so), float your eyes open and take stock of how you feel. By being so focused on your breathing your body and mind have most likely responded by calming down. Remember to breathe slowly (without rushing) to avoid the possibility of hyperventilating; which is not what you want.

Now that you are calm and focused, in my next blog post I will discuss how to uncover your resilience amidst the chaos. Stay tuned!