Q&A Friday #46: Should I Meet This Guy In California?

Question: “Ok John,I know this has nothing to do with politics but I am in need of a man’s opinion: A good friend of mine that I went to high school with contacted me after 9 years through my fishing license here in Oregon he got my sister’s number in California and contacted her to get my number. Well she didn’t give it to him because she isn’t stupid but did get his and I contacted him, turns out we lost touch for a while (he went into the Navy to become a Seal) and now we are in contact. This is the dilemma: He has been not so happily married for 3 years now. I will be going down to CA for vacation at the end of the month, for about 10 days. He wants to get together and have dinner. His wife, conveniently is in San Diego where he lives part-time, the other part of the time he lives in Los Gatos, CA where I am from. So this is the question: should I get together with him or not? Now there was some history with us back when, and yes, it was pretty steamy history. Having said all that I need a man’s opinion whether or not I should actually get together with him, What do you think? Honestly.” — karensp9

Answer: When I was younger, I had no idea that men and women wanted something different when they asked you for personal advice.

Men, when they ask for advice, want you to come up with a way to help them solve a problem. They’re looking for a means to an end.

On the other hand, when women ask for advice, they just want to discuss the whole thing. It’s not a means to an end, it’s just part of the decision making process that helps them, eventually, make up their mind.

by Sir John Hawkins

John Hawkins's book 101 Things All Young Adults Should Know is filled with lessons that newly minted adults need in order to get the most out of life. Gleaned from a lifetime of trial, error, and writing it down, Hawkins provides advice everyone can benefit from in short, digestible chapters.

Since that’s the case, I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do because you won’t take my advice.

But, I will say this: when a guy with a troubled marriage, with whom you once had a “steamy history,” invites you out for dinner when his wife is away, he’s probably planning on having breakfast with you, too — if you get my drift.

That means you have to decide whether you’re willing to live with, possibly at least, breaking up the man’s marriage so you can have a little fun up in California. We human beings are weak creatures that can easily succumb to temptation, but at least in this case, you have plenty of time to see where this is going and change direction. You know, you could call him up and say that you’d love to meet him and his wife somewhere or that you just won’t be able to make it this time…if that’s what you want to do.

Either way, it’s your call and ultimately you’re the one who will have to be responsible for your decision.