Fashion Police declare drop crotch pants crime of fashion

"This is going to be the season of drop-crotch pants, cropped drop-crotch pants (with side volume), and certain pantaloons that appear to be close relations of the dhoti. They swathe the bottom and thighs in massive folds of material, swooping down to grip the calf at its widest point."

Now, we thought last year’s selection of Hammer-style Harem Pants were probably as bad as it was going to get, crotch-wise at least, but these are words to strike a chill into our beating hearts. There’s going to be even more of these things? And we’re going to be expected to wear them?

Oh, hell no. That’s it: we’re making a pre-emptive strike by declaring anything with a dropped crotch to be a crime of fashion, be it jean, pant, whatever. We don’t care what it’s made of, we just care that its crotch is in the right place, and that it won’t make us look like we’re wearing diapers underneath it. This Crime of Fashion law is effective immediately. Come on, then, 2008: we’re ready for you…