Do you like to read good books that aren't huge pieces of dogshit? Me too. Nobody doesn't like to read shitbird stories as much as this guy. So let's take a look at a book that's awesome and a book that isn't.

Awesome Book That Awesome People Read: The Old Man And The Sea

Holy Shit. I mean, just sweet Holy Baby Jesus Shit. If you like amazing books you have come to the right place. Written by that great, macho, alcoholic lady-sexer Hemingway, this is a book that for one thing starts off on a great topic: fishing. And not catching sunnies in the local pond, real-man fishing for the biggest fish in the middle of the frickin' ocean, alone on a tiny ass boat. Now why don't you take a long, close look at this picture. Those proportions are correct. I'm surprised Santiago even was able to launch his boat without his gigantic balls capsizing it immediately.

I don't want to spoil it, because if you haven't read it yet you are definitely going to want to, but hell yes that old awesome bastard hooks a monster marlin on the line. What happens next... like I said, no spoilers, but trust me it's only the greatest ending to any book written ever. No biggie. This is probably the only book worth reading and remembering.

Douchebag Book That Stupid People Named Jen And Other Idiots Love For No Good Goddamn Reason: The Great Gatsby

To be honest, I had completely forgotten about this hunk of shit book completely. Anybody who remembers this book is either a weirdo assface loser, or loves to watch shitty weirdo assface loser movies about this book, and let's be honest, no one wants to be that guy.

We had to read this in high school. Here's a recap so you guys don't even give this feces collection the glory of additional wiki page hits. Rich people. Rich people problems. Lights across the water. Somebody dies?

Anyway that's the whole thing. If you're dying to really learn more, take the latest US Weekly, line a ferret's cage with it, come back in a couple of weeks and read that. You'll get the same story but with less douchiness.