There are few people who dare to take full responsibility for the suffering they create in their lives.

It is much easier to blame life, blame our parents, blame the person who seems to constantly attack us, blame the weather, blame our government or blame the 'hurtful one' for our unhappiness.

Those who do brave owning their suffering, are rewarded with the spiritual holy grail... the freedom to make peace with the moment.

This post is inspired by a theme amongst my mirrors ooops I mean my clients lately as well as a recent mind trip that I took myself on!

You've probably heard the saying that "pain is inevitable but suffering is optional".

My first response to this many years ago was... bull shizen! Optional!!!!! No way it's her fault that I am miserable right now! Go tell her to choose another option of how to treat me! In the meantime, until she changes, I will sit here and spin a miserable story in my head and wallow in self pity! Ouch!

Oh what a joyous day it was when I realised that ALAS if I simply felt the pain of 'harsh' treatment in the moment, chose to not take it personally, responded wisely and intuitively and then ceased the 'oh so dramatic woe to me' story in my head.... peace would again be revealed.

When we are in the midst of great pain it helps to know that while the pain can't be avoided... it's the price of being human with a heart... there are ways we can eliminate the suffering that we dump on top of pain.

I was reminded of this wise truth a few days ago as I spun a painful story in my head. I momentarily put my happiness in some-one else's hands and they blessedly showed me this by not giving me what I wanted! Ouch! I spent half a day taking it personally and spinning an academy award winning drama in my head... until I remembered to take some of my own medicine! Ha! Eating humble pie!

5 steps that led me from suffering to peace

1. Feel the pain directly. Close your eyes, breathe, and welcome any pain that is triggered by your life circumstance in the moment it occurs. Feel the aliveness of emotion and the natural pain and contraction that is the precursor to growth, expansion and transformation! Welcome it like a brave warrior!

2. Don't take anything personally. When some-one projects their pain onto you or leaves you in some way... it is NOT an opportunity to be hard on yourself but in fact a reminder to keep your eyes focused on your true shining worth and innate value.

3. Respond wisely and intuitively. Sometimes the wisest response is no response or other times it is an opportunity to stand up for ourselves and to express ourselves honestly. Your instincts will guide this one and so will trial and error. Make room for so called mistakes! We are all learning!

4. Drop the story. The initial pain is enough to inspire our growth so we don't need to go and spin a fancy story about what it could mean based on our past experiences or future fears. This is the root of suffering right here! Pain on self inflicted repeat! Sooooo STOP IT! The story keeps the pain circling continuously. Self whipping at its best! Whipishhhhh! Dropping the story means we can move on to enjoy the moment right in front of us.

5. Meditate. Develop a daily practice that allows you to catch the habitual thought patterns that are creating your suffering. It is your ticket to freedom. Take it!

We spend so much of our lives inflicting unnecessary suffering on ourselves. You deserve to free yourself to enjoy what is!