Bible Truth for Today & Christian Counseling for the Soul

Tag Archives: wife

I like the Reese hearts and the Russel Stover Chocolates. My wife likes the chocolates and the red roses too. Each Valentines day we are all reminded about the special relationships many of us are called by God to enjoy – marriage. A happy and healthy marriage is possible!

If you and your spouse are having issues, do not wait to get help. Please call me or another Christian counselor today. Statistically I read some time ago that couples about to divorce wait 6 years too late to get counseling help. Good news – your marriage perspective can change overnight with a little positive encouragement from a Christian counselor.

Stay physically and emotionally faithful to your spouse alone. This was declared on your wedding day. Proverbs 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.

Celebrate spiritual, financial, educational, and relational victories. Throw a party for two, go out for coffee, or make a special meal. Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

Be Happy. Happiness is not conditional on circumstances but on the attitude. Happiness is a choice. Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.

Blend everything you do and have together. Feelings, faith, friends, finances, etc. All these things should be combined. Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Choose to make the spiritually right decision. One of you is probably more spiritual than the other. While the man should lovingly serve with Biblical leadership in the home, it is not always the case. Choose to have a positive, edifying spirit that will build up the other in the things of God. 1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Modify expectations while not letting any disappointments change you. He made a mess. She was not ready for intimacy. Don’t let circumstances become sources of bitterness. Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Understand each other. Know how the other thinks. Know the likes and dislikes. This is something of a challenge! 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Value and treasure the person God gave to you. God gave you a special gift to have as a companion in life. While some people are called to “singleness” the Lord gave you a “help meet.” Treasure this gift with all of your heart. Proverb 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1:27

I am thankful for my wife. I am glad that she is different than me! If we were identical in personality and physicality why would I need her? Better yet – Why would she need me?

God made men and women with differences on purpose and it is these differences that add great variety and… value to an individual person.

The role of men and women in the home or in the church has nothing to do with value or worth and everything to do with function and role. If a body has two heads we would know the body will have conflict and issues. Dr. Adrian Rogers used to preach that a body with “two heads is a freak.” For sure it is not natural, nor intended for a body to have 2 heads trying to tell the body what to do. Science fiction is just that- science fiction. Some people want science fiction to be true in their marriage relationship or in their home or church. It is just not healthy to have two heads vying to be in charge.

The head of the church is Jesus. For order & structure in the home, God says the man is the “head.” Study the New Testament book of Ephesians chapter 5.

Men, don’t let that go to your head; and women, don’t think that this structure excludes or devalues you. “To whom much is given much is required.” If a home succeeds or not – is a responsibility charged to the man. He is held accountable by the Lord. Men are not to be dictators. Leaders are to be servants. A husband should be bending over backward to make life easy for his wife.

This organizational structure contributes to a happy and healthy home where the “two” have truly become “one.”

Men and women are of equal value, even if their role and function is not the same. Here is a valid example:

Recently, I was looking at my wrist watch and my wedding band, both of which my wife gave to me. Both are made from shiny silver looking metal. They are made of the same stuff but are different in form and function.

The wedding band’s function is to prove that I belong to Natalie.

The wrist watches’ function is to keep me “on time.”

While both are made of similar materials and have a different function and role in my life, the watch and the ring have the same value. The retail value of either one is about $200.

Function and role does not determine value. Each person in your home should be HIGHLY VALUED…

One professional aptly stated that: “At age 20 we think: ‘What does everyone think about me.’ At age 40 we think: ‘It does not matter what other people think about me.’ And at age 60 we finally realize and think: ‘No one has been thinking about me anyway.’”

True. Most of our thoughts about the perceptions others have of us are self-perceptions. Most people are actually thinking about themselves and not thinking about you. Why is it that we can be so consumed with perception and what others are thinking?

Testimony is one reason. We should have a good testimony that is consistent with the Bible and that is exalting to Jesus. Testimony does not mean that people are always thinking of us. When they see us, or talk with us we should be edifying and encouraging. When the Spirit of God uses your testimony to help another person, they may think of you for a moment, but otherwise, they are not constantly thinking about you.

Most of the time however, the reason we are so “self-conscious” of what others think or may think about us has to do with our personal pride. Pride can create “Mind Games” than consume our time and damage needed relationships. This pride takes form in several ways. Here are two:

Do you know someone that needs constant affirmation for the most basic tasks in life? As our children grow, they will ask from time to time “Are you proud of me? I just made the ball go in the basket. I just painted a watercolor, etc…” As we get older the need for affirmation should adjust to find value in “who we are” in Christ – not merely what we have done or can do with our actions. Insecure people seek the “pat on the back” in an obsessive way. We all need encouragement and should actively encourage others, but insecure people are consumed with peer affirmation to the point that it paralyses any positive progress in their spiritual life and in their family/acquaintance relationships.

Like a bull in a china shop, overconfidence is bullish, brash, and bold in detrimental ways. This self confidence is the opposite of biblical humility. Its ego is fed by the projection of a certain “image” or perception the confident one wants other people to think about him/her. This boldness can be dismissive of other people and cause division in relationships. The ego must be fed at all costs because “I have an image to keep up…” This confidence can be in position, ability, wealth, or social standing. Self-righteousness is also a big contributor in a religiously minded person. Sometimes people who are overconfident, trying to impress people, have nothing in their life really worth bragging or boasting about. Many times, they have shallow victories with no real success; but they want others to think that they are successful. It’s another form of pride and is also one manifestation of an insecurity.

Finding the balance in this pendulum of emotions and thinking is found by centering in on Jesus. We can be emotional and relational extremists in the thinking of our mind if we do not find a Bible balance.

In one long sentence to the Christians in the church at Corinth, Paul writes 2 Corinthians 3:4-6 which declares, “And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward: 5 Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; 6 Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.”

Notice that our sufficiency, security, and confidences is in God, not in ourselves. It takes humility to see this in a personal life.

Don’t let mind games swing your emotions and relationships from side to side. Reject the personal pride that causes faulty and sinful thinking. Replace pride with humility and a desire to point people to Jesus. Sharpen your testimony and ensure that your life (evident to others and in your mind) is not self-absorbed. Let the Word of God and the Spirit of God “renew” your mind each day. Purpose with God’s help to have accurate, Biblical, and right thoughts about yourself and others.

Other people are generally thinking about themselves. Stop thinking about yourself too and learn ways to help yourself and others think about Jesus. His Word. And His Father.

‘One man in a church was boasting to his friend, “I could give $1,000.00 towards the building and not even feel it.”

His friend replied, “Then give two or three thousand and feel it!”’

Everyone likes gifts. Receiving gifts is a blessing but it even more blessed to be able and to actually give a gift to others. Acts 20:35 tells us to: “remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

One anonymous person aptly stated: “What you are is God’s gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God.” Good thought. We should give our lives back to the Lord in service.

Let us continue our consideration of the “Gift of God.” There are 3 more passages with this insightful phrase. Each of these have more to do with using the gift that God has given to us – to serve and minister to other people.

God’s Gifts Cannot Be Bought: Acts 8:20 instructs, “But Peter said unto him, Thy money perish with thee, because thou hast thought that the gift of God may be purchased with money.”

Peter is in Jerusalem when the news from Samaria concerning the preaching of Philip and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit is spoken about. Phillip is casting out demons, healing people, and preaching the Gospel – all in the power of God. Peter and John are sent by the Apostles in Jerusalem to confirm the testimony they were told, and together these two men walk to Samaria.

When Peter arrives, a man named Simon is determined to talk with Peter. Simon formerly had been a sorcerer, but had renounced demonic powers and had turned to Jesus with faith in the Gospel.

By the Way: There is much temptation for Christian families to be entertained by evil books and TV. Harry Potter, and many similar books and movies that portray sorcerers and wizards as the hero should be avoid, discarded, and not allowed to influence our kids. Demonism is real and is growing in popularity today. It is now mainstream and even popular. What kid would not like to have supernatural powers? Satanic activity is real and we must guard our homes in active ways lest our kids be led astray.

Well, this man Simon, had demonic power before, and now that he was a believer in Jesus he realized that the prestige and power he once had was gone. I do not believe he was regretting turning to Jesus. He was however coveting what he saw in Peter.

Part of Peters purpose for this journey was to see how the Holy Spirit of God was working in Samaria. When Peter laid hands on these people who had previously believed in Jesus for salvation – the Holy Spirit came upon them. This study could diverge into the doctrine of the Pneumatology (Holy Spirit) but we will not now. These saved people had not yet received the Holy Spirit.

Simon sees this tremendous moving of the Holy Spirit and he wanted the power to give the Holy Spirit to other people too! He was still thinking in occultist terms. Peter directly tells him that the Holy Spirit cannot be bought.

The Spirit of God is a gift that God gives to Christians when they are born of the Spirit, or born again. The Gift of God cannot be bought. While Simon wanted to serve others by giving them the Spirit, that is not the way it works. The Holy Spirit of God worked through Phillip and Peter and He can also work through you. Our main problem is that we tend to think in humanistic terms. We tend to try to live the Christian life and conduct the work of the ministry in the flesh or with our intellect.

Thank God for His Holy Spirit who will lead, guide, direct, and empower you to fulfill the will of God.

God’s Gift Should Be Cherished: 1 Corinthians 7:7 teaches, “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.”

Most of us are not like the man in the following story: “Probably the only man in history who never saw a woman was Mihailo Tolotos, a monk who died in 1938 at the age of 82 in one of the monasteries atop Mount Athos, Greece. As his mother passed away when he was born, Mihailo was taken to Athos the next day and never once, throughout his life, left this monastic colony which has excluded all females, animals as well as humans, for more than 900 years.” (Signs of the Times)

The context of 1 Corinthians 7 is marriage and family. Paul is teaching the Corinthian believers who lived in a sex-crazed, and immoral society how they should remain celibate if unmarried and how to remain pure through marriage.

While Peter was married, had a family, and a mother in law, Paul was never married. Paul, the iconic missionary, had tremendous freedom to travel and be away from home for years at a time because he was not married.

As 1 Corinthians 7 develops we find that the gift of God that Paul is speaking of concerning personal marriage relationships differs from person to person. Consider the following:

If a specific man is supposed to be married and it is God’s will that he has a family – then the wife God gives to him is a special gift from God. In this case – marriage is a gift of God.

If a particular man is not to be married and it is God’s will that the man remain single – then singleness is a gift of God.

If a man marries and it is not God’s will, or he marries a person that the Lord says not to marry (according to clear Bible teaching) then becoming a husband would become a nightmare instead of a blessing.

By the Way: Living together before marriage is like unwrapping a gift before it has been given to you. There are many spiritual and psychological reasons this is a harmful practice. Perhaps that could be a post on another day. Until you are married – the gifts included in the broader gift of marriage (sex, kids, family, accountability, leadership, and union) are not yours – yet. Wait until the “I Do.” To unwrap your marriage gift.

Many people are living a nightmare in relationships because they marry outside the will of God, the Word of God, or do not accept the specific gift of God – the gift of marriage or the gift of singleness. Whichever of these two gifts God gives to you – cherish it. Both gifts are temporary in nature. Embrace whichever one God has for you at this moment.

God’s Gift Should Be Remembered. 2 Timothy 1:6 encourages, “Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.”

With each gift we receive of the Lord, we should be deliberate to remember, and be thankful for those gifts. Should we not consistently remind ourselves of all that God has given, we will forget. Human nature is good at tucking blessings away into forgetfulness, and merely thinking on problems or things we do not have.

May God help us to frame our minds with consistent thinking of God’s gifts as Ephesians 1:3 tells us, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ.”

In 2 Timothy 1, Paul is reminding young pastor Timothy about how the Holy Spirit of God had called, equipped, and empowered Tim for the task of Christian service. Timothy was a preacher, a pastor. Does The Holy Spirit do the same in our lives? The answer is yes.

Even if you are not “paid time” in the ministry, we are all to be “full-time” in the ministry. Remember the gift of the Holy Spirit in Acts 8? The Holy Spirit has gifted each believer with a specific “Spiritual Gifts.” Do you know what your Spiritual Gift is? There are 6 Spiritual Gifts listed in Romans 12:6-8. We have a “Spiritual Gifts” test at our church office if you want to stop on sometimes to discover your specific gift. Utilizing your gift will help you be more effective in Christian service.

When God’s people all prioritize faithful service much good is accomplished. Our family enjoys flying kits on warm breezy days. When a kite is flown into the air, the question could be asked: “Who Flew the Kite?”

“‘I did,” said the wind!

“I did,” said the paper!

“I did,” said the string!

“I did,” said the boy! But in reality they ALL flew the kite! If the wind had lulled, if the paper had torn, if the sticks had broken, if the tail had caught in the tree, or the boy had fallen, then the kite would have come down! EACH HAD A PART TO PLAY!

God has placed you in a strategic role! You are important to your church ministry. Just use your gift to the Glory of God and leave the results to Him.” (Communicating Biblical Truths)

Be stirred up, excited, and focused on the good work that the Holy Spirit of God can do in your life. There is much to complain about, and many problems that we could be pre-occupied with, but by God’s grace, you can remained stirred up and focused on the specific ministry and service God has for you.