Heads Or Tails...tails I Lose (part 1)

Tonight I walked into the house a little later than usual from the bar. It's been a long week. Stumbling into the bedroom, my wife is laying on her back wearing a huge black *******. We have discussed the matter, but I wasn't aware we were this deep in negotiations. She said she would give me a fair chance and flip a coin to see if tonight's the night. Heads, we wait...tails, I lose. Guess what? It's tails. I'm aware that I should probably be worked up to the size of her monster, but i'm drunk. So i'm gonna spread my *** and let her dive on it. Let you know the rest a little later...