The dos and don'ts of zombie apocalypse planning: part one

The zombies are coming - are you prepared?

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Zombies are everywhere. On the television, the movie screen, in our comic books and even on t-shirts. The latest craze has heads spinning and wallets being emptied at a rapid rate. Many of us have even developed zombie apocalypse plans...including yours truly. It’s crucial that a plan encompasses every possible scenario in order to survive the inevitable. If you don’t have a plan, you need one. There are things that are essential in a plan, as well as things that should be avoided at all costs.

Do make mini escape plans

You may have the perfect plan set up, but perhaps your plan starts with the zombie outbreak occurring when you are at home. What about when you’re at work? At the grocery store? At the mall? At Comic-Con? In rush hour traffic?

No matter what your plan is, you must make mini escape plans for every place you might be. Whenever you walk into a new place, assess the situation. Find your exits. Identify potential obstacles. For example, if you are in a store in the middle of the mall and the zombie apocalypse breaks out, the worst thing to do would be to run in the direction of the food court. There are simply too many people. The only thing worse than getting bitten by a zombie is being trampled by teenagers during your initial escape. Before entering a location with others, make sure you set up a rendezvous point in case you are separated in the chaos. Ensure that the meet-up location is in an area that makes it easy to get back to your car and back on track for your original plan.

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Don’t share your plan pre-apocalypse

You have the perfect zombie apocalypse plan and you just know you’re going to be one of the lucky survivors due to your meticulous planning. So what do you do? You tell the world about your plan to brag about how awesomely perfect the plan is! That is a huge, rookie mistake. Do not tell anyone about your plan. Your plan is yours and yours alone. Why allow others to steal your plan or worse yet, assume that they are included in your plans. If you have the perfect plan and you tell others, don’t be surprised when you get to your secret hideout to find thousands of survivors converging there.

The only people that should know about your plan are you and maybe two others from your core group. Others in your group should know that you have a plan, but should not know all the details in case they accidentally blab to others. Tell them the key locations where you plan on being throughout your travels, but not much more than that. Definitely do not share with the whole group where you plan on stocking up on supplies. You need to keep your supply locations hidden close to your heart, or you’ll end up with an empty stomach and no bullets for your gun. Guard your plan like you would a winning lottery ticket.

Do set a meet-up location

Going back to the first point, it’s not only important to have a meet-up location if you enter a store with others, but also to have one in case you’re not with your entire group at the time of the apocalypse. Make sure to set the location at a place that is central to all in your group, so that your entire group has the location in short travel distance no matter if they are at work or at home. Also set up a timeframe in which everyone is to get there. For instance, everyone has two hours from outbreak to meet at the preliminary location and six hours from outbreak to meet at the secondary location. Make sure those expectations are known upfront so no one is surprised if you’re not there after the time has elapsed. Setting expectations are necessary and encourage your group to keep moving along toward your end goal.

Don’t have a large core group

When you start your zombie apocalypse journey, make sure your initial group isn’t too large. If you plan on taking your parents, your kids, your brothers and sisters, your 27 cousins and your 50 closest friends, you will not get far. Safety in numbers doesn’t always apply in the zombie apocalypse. You need food and supplies, and the more people you have the quicker you will go through both. You also have more opportunity for mistakes with more people. In addition, as you travel through the zombie-infested world, you will meet plenty of new people to add to your group. If you start out with 100 people, this leaves no room for adding new key people that may need your help.

Do choose your core group carefully

Just as you don’t want a large core group, you also want to make sure that your core group serves a purpose. Choosing people that have a variety of skills is important for the apocalypse. Your dad may have the largest supply of guns this side of the Mississippi and your aunt may know how to clean fish. These are both things that you will need in the apocalypse so include both of them in your group. Encourage your core group to learn new skills before the apocalypse breaks out. That way when it does happen, you will have every possible skill needed. A word of caution: do not eliminate your spouse, your children or your parents from your group just because they don’t have a skill to offer. That’s just mean.

Don’t believe everything you see

With zombies all over the big and little screens, there is a lot of information to compile about zombies. Since there are no zombies right now, it’s important to remember that these are just best guesses at this time. We have nothing to compare zombies to, so we don’t know how they will behave. They may react only to sound, but maybe they also have a great sense of smell that we didn’t previously consider. Maybe they only live for a short period of time due to decomposition, but maybe they live forever. Shooting them in the head may not be the only way to dispose of them. When the zombie apocalypse breaks out, you will have to experiment a bit to learn the real rules of the apocalypse. One thing is for sure: the apocalypse will finally settle the age-old debate as to whether zombies are fast or slow.

Knowing how to start a fire can save your life

Do brush up on survival techniques

Right now on television, survival shows are huge. So take advantage of them! Without a doubt you must learn basic survival techniques: how to shoot a gun, how to use a bow and arrow, how to start a fire, and (most importantly) how to purify water. Other important things to learn are what plants are edible and which ones are poisonous, how to survive in various weather conditions and locations, and how to prepare fresh kills for eating.

It’s best to keep a list of survival techniques and even some books on the topic. Remember that television will no longer be available so you won’t be able to watch a show to remind yourself how to do something. Before the outbreak, stock up on first aid kits and other survival necessities, such as paracord, so you have them ready to go. You can never have enough survival supplies or knowledge. The more survival techniques you learn now, the longer you will last in the apocalypse.

Comments

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poetryman6969

3 years ago

We need to find a safe way to eat the zombies, then all our problems are solved.

In the meantime, stock up on Zoorina Zombie Chow. They say it tastes like real humans.

Pam Ryan

4 years agofrom Manchester, England

I am disturbed that you have drawn up a plan for the zombie apocalypse and yet your hub mentions nothing about the imminent invasion of aliens from the Planet Turd Blossom. I would like an explanation for this, please.

amc - You may be right! :) Whatever the case, they are coming, and we need to be prepared!

Tina Pittman

5 years agofrom Georgia

We are in it: look at all the drug addicts in the streets. LOL

Nitin Pillai

5 years agofrom Mumbai, Maharastra, India

I love your "dos and don't s" for a zombie apocalypse, both parts! You have me hooked to your hubs, thank-you Angie. Nice to meet a fellow zombie enthusiast!

AUTHOR

Angie Martin

5 years agofrom Frazier Park, California

Glad you enjoyed and get to work on that plan! You never know when the zombies will come, so don't be caught without one :)

Tbland

5 years ago

Absolutely wonderful! My jaw is still hurting from laughing. Like the other guy, I really didn't think about a plan outside of lighting fires and crying. Thanks for the tips, and great writing, I look forward to reading more of your work. When you get a chance check out my first hub.

AUTHOR

Angie Martin

5 years agofrom Frazier Park, California

Ah good, a convert! My personal thought about Superman is he won't stick around during the apocalypse, so you definitely need a plan! :)

Zaton-Taran

5 years agofrom California

Writing truly does flow through your veins - this was an engrossing read! Thanks for stopping by my superman doomsday hub...speaking of which, my only real plan for the zombie apocalypse was to yell "Superman!" but I'll probably get more serious about preparing after reading this hub :)

AUTHOR

Angie Martin

5 years agofrom Frazier Park, California

Fantasygirl - You are so right that there is a lot more info to learn for zombie apocalypse planning. So based on your suggestions, I'll get part two up today (which will include a couple sections of part one). By the way, my husband and I have realized that in most parts of Comic-Con, we're in trouble. There's not really a great chance of getting out alive if the zombies come while we're enjoying our geeky weekend! :)

FantasyGirl

5 years agofrom USA

This is a very fun and imaginative hub. So- tell us more! Oh and if you are at ComiCon when it breaks out- especially on Saturday, Masquerade Day, how will you know the difference?

And what about clothes? Hoe DOES one dress for the apocalypse? Ideas?

Khen Ramos

5 years agofrom Philippines

Been a big fan of zombies ever since I was a kid. Seeing them in movies and video games just make you wonder how f***ed(pardon the language) you are when these things come. Better safe than sorry right? Making a plan right now :) Voted up!

Charles Mark Walker

5 years agofrom Jasper Georgia

You have a wonderful imagination...take it beyond popular cultural icons like "zombies". I'm 54 and zombies have been around longer than I have in reruns of movies from the 50's.Think hard to come up with something original,you have a good writing style. Expand your inner ideas into something the world isn't familiar with. Become "you".

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