Monday, March 21, 2016

Ovary Rodeo

My ovaries can be very persuasive. You see for 10 days of every month my body wants to make a baby. So my brain starts looking for baby daddies, suddenly every man who is nice to me and attractive, becomes VERY attractive. My brain starts up fantasies about the greatness of said baby daddy possibility(ies). Take note that logical conscious brain is very much not wanting a baby and ovaries are ignoring the clamps infront of them in an act of dillusional defiance. This month was particularily tough for me because my usual deterrent of "I'm still grieving my ex." is completely gone, as is the "I'm still too fucked up to attempt a relationship." excuse as well.

What did I learn this month?

I learned that my ovaries are a strong force to be reckoned with. The biological urge to procreate isn't very logical. I also learned that I'm attracted to people for many different reasons, and that I have to take the time to get to know which reasons before deciding on anything beyond casual friendship. I do believe that we are attracted to people we are meant to learn from. However, not all lessons need be learned via a romantic relationship. When I was younger attraction was attraction, there were no distinctions, and whoever I was attracted to I wanted to posess sexually and conceptually. I wonder how many amazing friendships I missed out on, or how many horrible relationships I didn't miss out on. But I don't wonder/wander too much because that is a waste of my precious brain time.

I think also the fact that I have grown to love my time alone as well as my time bonding with my kids makes it easier for me not to jump at every attraction I have. I no longer have this fear of missing the boat or one getting away. I'd rather take my time and feel things out, if nothing romantic comes of it then that's okay, I'll just curl up on my couch and crochet beautiful blankets while watching Doctor Who, or maybe have a sleepover with my kiddos where we take turns reading Sherlock Holmes to one another.

I have always been attracted to people who can hold good conversations and think outside of the box. I can just imagine all the great friendships I am going to build and maintain from this point on, I just need to rope in those ovaries of mine.