The Most Important Ingredient in Good Therapy

Hi guys -

I've been away for a while, I hope all is well in these hallowed halls. I've always loved what you do here, wrestling with issues and sharing your thoughts. I wish more people joined communities like this.

You've always been great at tossing out opinions about therapy, and so I thought I'd check with you before I write up something on this topic. What do you think is the top ingredient in good psychotherapy? Some would say the technique or theory used, others would say the amount of experience the therapist has, or their availability or affordability. A great deal would say the quality of the therapeutic relationship, but even that could be broken down further - is it a shared sense of humor? similar beliefs? A compatible communication style? A comfortable pace of conversation or for the course of therapy? Feelings of compassion or even love?

Re: The Most Important Ingredient in Good Therapy

The comfortableness of being able to just say what is happening in ones brain or ones emotions without the fear of being let go by your therapist.
If one is able to talk openly without fear of judgement then therapy will work.
Humor yes has been used it lightens up the tension when one is dealing with so much fear. My therapist uses it and it works.

Trust hard one for me i don't know why but some sort of trust is needed a connection of understanding that no matter what is said therapist will understand and yes compassion my therapist has never really showed much anger or frustration even though i know he must have it he never rarely shows it.

An understanding that when ones is in therapist room that is a safe place he created a safe place where one myself knows it is ok to show vulnerability to show ones emotions and even though i hate doing it it comes so easily there the emotions comes so easily there because i feel he created a space that was safe.

I am grateful really after all these years he has not given up on me. There is no time frame for healing with him. I think there should never be a limit of time for someone that needs more time or help to heal.

Re: The Most Important Ingredient in Good Therapy

I've spent most of today pondering this post and it's such a loaded question I don't know that there is one single most important ingredient.

For me, I can break it down into several categories of what I'm looking for in a therapist / therapeutic relationship.

First are the practical issues such as location, hours, cost. I'm willing to travel for the right therapist but I also work two very busy jobs so their hours need to be flexible enough to accommodate that. After all that, can I afford their fee?

Then comes interpersonal aspects - do i feel a connection with this person on some level? Do I feel like I can tell them every detail of my life at some point? Do they have a sense of humour (I use humour a lot, especially when I'm uncomfortable, so a sense of humour is important)? Do they display empathy and compassion without being overbearing about it? Can they "humanize" themselves - i.e. talk about their own faults and failings and questions about life and relationships? Do they "dig" (this is important to me - a passive therapist won't work with me. I like ones who dig. This might be the single most important thing for me, now that I think about it).

So, there are many variables, some just as important as others. Some more important. I'll go into debt for good therapy, so even if I can't truly afford their fee, I'll find a way if I truly believe they are the right therapist for me. I will (and have) flown across the country for weekly sessions with the right therapist. l need to be comfortable though and feel like there's a connection, and that they "get" me.

This is a huge question, Ryan. I hope you get some good insight to it.

~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown