♫I must have watched a million skate parts – I’d love ’em and then I’d leave ’em alone. I didn’t care how much they tried – their tricks would leave me cold as stone. But then I fooled around and fell in love. I fooled around and fell in love♫

That’s what happened when I watched this SoCal playboy, Jeremy Ponce, cruise around to the smooth tunes of Elvin Bishop in the video “KOOKS“. It’s kinda like that one chick who, even though she doesn’t have the biggest tits you’ve seen or the phatest ass you’ve touched, still makes your loins tingle like no one else. Not saying this dude’s skating turns me on… well, not exactly. Just press play and see if you don’t fall for him too.

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When will everybody realise they got to skate like Welcome? And who even is that guy? Do I know him? SHould I care? Wow, he no-complied that pole, how original GIVE HIM A FUCKING COOKIE! I only want to be watching Welcome vids, parts and boards. Everything else is a bad imitation of STeve Rocco legacy and from the worst part of said legacy, Plan B, which was the worst thing that could happen to skateboarders. Just let those fuckers bankrupt already, skaters today realise there is room for everybody, not just “good” skaters. I mean you want to switch 360 flip a skyscraper, be my guest, but it will never look cool unless you yourself think it’s cool. Like this guy Ponce, he’s not bad, he’s better than me but Erick Winkowski is ten times funner to watch.
Yeah I complain bitch staff writers, what do you want me to do, agree with 100% of your submissions? Just surrender to Welcome because you can’t surpass it in originality. Ed Templeton, Rodney (if he still skates, but he should only skate for them, not talk that much, despite that I love him and that he OBJECTIVELY is the most influential person to step on griptape) Ritchie Jackson and the Illusion (but not Patrick Melcher because he played in that band’s video that every bar plays and it’s FUCKING ANNOYING, WE GET IT, IRISH BAGPIPES, TIOGH FAIR AR LA, OK, SHUT THE FUCK UP) and Mark Gonzalez since everybody is riding his dick (he is original though) should join forces and fight the evil and boring confederation of Tony Hawk.
Just Welcome and Fancy Lad, nothing else matters anymore. Forrest Edwards is a fucking bitch, yeah Is aid it.

You can’t disagree with what I wrote. Everyone but Welcome and FL is boring. FUcking boooooooooriiiiiiiing, shut up already.