Tension

Life is lived in tension. There are desires and ideals and plans and hopes, and then there are realities, imperfections, challenges and insecurities. They clash and wrestle their way for attention. Where I long to be is often far from where I am, and I am caught in the space between the present and the not-there-yet. The moment I start to feel at ease with where I am, the seasons change and I am asked to let go of things I don’t necessarily want to pry my fingers off of. The fruitful plants of summer are turned under for their winter slumber in a violent way. It is a gruesome but necessary death that makes ready the soil for spring’s planting, or for whatever comes next. Then arrive new experiences that are unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first, but I flail and fumble my way through to new goodness, new life. Life is perpetual transition, perpetual motion; a grace and a hardship at the same time.

I’d like to say I’m learning to make peace with the tension, but really, I struggle with it as much as anyone. What I do know is that I am not the same as I was yesterday. Or last year. Or five years ago. And I am grateful for that. As I journey, I see the wisdom in letting seasons be what they are, not what I wish them to be. Here I am, trying to let them be.