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9.25.2011

sometimes i go to call out to you. sitting in my plump reading chair with my coffee on the desk and a large bowl of oatmeal before me--flax seeds, blueberries, almonds and all. and i read something. sitting there i come across some words that draw all the breath from my body and i stretch my arms to the sky, and my toes to the wall and there is this impulse:

babe. i want to call out. i want to turn my head to you, babe, listen to this. these words...have you ever heard anything so remarkable?

and then i remember that you're not there. and i could be sad. but i'm not. because you will be. soon enough, you will be.

37 comments:

Sunday mornings with coffee and words and love (soon enough love or someday love - those are my types of love right now too) are the best Sunday mornings, I think. I'm glad you are having one of those too.

dear anonymous 1: there is this feeling that overtakes your gut. that's where love lives. no one ever talks about that--the progression of love. how it starts in your throat and moves through the chest and past the heart and when it settles at the bottom of your stomach--only then are you sunk. you know because you can no longer lie to yourself. you'll know, trust me. xo.

anonymous 2: awesome! mine was like a month before i turned 19, not quite 21, but i get it!! xo.

Meg. I'm not sure if you'll remember me, but a month or so ago I posted on one of your posts about how I met this boy and traveled with him for three weeks in asia, and when he left... I... felt... less. Less of everything. And doesn't it sound emotional to say that, but it was true. I wasn't sure whether to "follow" especially after such a short period of time, I posted a comment on your blog and all your friends suggested it was a good idea to follow...

Well, I moved to the Czech Republic (for a few months, we'll see) and the other day I got a Czech number. He called me straight away and we spoke for an hour - I just urgently hung up because it was late, and in a way it was too much. To not talk for a month and then to just talk about everything, as if nothing had changed. As if no moments had passed.

And he mentioned taking me on a date, and I said a date in Prague would be too dangerous. And he got offended (It was supposed to be a joke, but honestly, I'm a little scared of falling further) and sent me lots of messages asking why I'd come all this way and not let him treat me right.

I don't know meg. Reading this post made me think of him. I'll know how everything is this weekend, but it frustrates me... as you write to the one you'll love, I'd love to write as I fall in love, because it's happening and I know it'll continue. But, he reads my blog. So I'll just have to rant on random people's blogs like a crazy girl.

I hope you know just how beautiful this is--how it is so perfect. Moments like these...they make love what it is. And you will know. Everyone knows when it happens. And few things have spoken to me more than this post has. x

"We can cure physical diseases with medicine but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more who are dying for a little love. Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So spread love everywhere you go."

I just love reading you're blog. In the sea of happy couple bloggers, it's nice to see a romantic single person who is in the same boat as a lot of us, still looking for that special someone to share our morning coffee with... and the words, oh the words!

Today, I'm glad that I have no one to call out to. Because once upon a time I did. I had a Sunday Morning Coffee Cohort, and I could have kept him forever, but the problem was that when I called out "Babe, Isn't this the most remarkable thing you've ever read?"

My call was not embraced. There was no understanding.

And so today, I'm so glad to be having my coffee alone, waiting for the person who'll understand the urgency behind the "babe." :) just a thought.

Oh Meg Fee. You'll never get to experience real love if you don't stop posting about a love that hasn't happened yet to thousands of people you don't know on an internet blog!

Sharing a fantasy future relationship with a bunch of strangers on a two dimensional screen is pretty much walking in the exact opposite direction of the path to real love in the real world...I don't mean to get all psych 101 on you, but it's definitely a kind of fear of intimacy, posting these 'husband-to-be' letters on this blog...it's starting a relationship with all of your commenters and their computers, NOT your flesh-and-blood other half....

It's weird how the right words or the right books just bring that feeling out, like something between a hope and a vision. The last time I felt this (and I recognized it) I was slowly making may way through the last few lines of To The Lighthouse, as if I almost felt her beside me like an anchor, keeping me still and calm on the tides of Woolf's prose and Lily's unfulfilled dreams.