There used to be a time in our relationship when I earned a bit more money than my other half. I was the breadwinner. Sadly, that's not the case anymore. His salary overtook mine at the start of this year and is set to carry on doing so, when he begins a promotion at his firm this autumn.

Except it's not sad, is it? After all, we're together, we spend money on each other - I will inevitably benefit from his career success with the odd meal out and cinema ticket here and there. Well alright, most meals out will be paid for.

What strikes me as remarkable, though, is that my husband is willing to share his good (small) fortune with me on an everyday basis: not just a treat every so often. Almost as soon as we got married, he selflessly applied for a joint bank account and beaming, presented me with my version of the 'his and hers' credit card. It had my new surname on it -the one that I still don't know if I'm taking officially - and all shiny and new, was begging to be used.

Only, 11 months on, I still haven't activated the card. Nor have I made plans for my salary to get paid into that account. I've basically just ignored it; carrying on using my trusty plastic that has been with me for years.

I feel guilty about this. True, this new credit card enables me to collect air miles on everything I buy (my husband has literally become obsessed with collecting air miles to the point where he upgrades flight seats and spends more money simply to collect enough air miles: go figure) but that wasn't his ulterior motive. There was a genuine sense of belonging and pride my other half felt when he handed me this card. It symbolised something: we are a couple, we are together, we are married, and now we share money.

Except, it's HIS money we'll be mostly sharing. He earns more than me, but we'll both be dipping into the same pot, which means when my contribution to the joint bank account is quickly exhausted, I'll inevitably end up using his dough when I'm out and about. And I just can't do that. I can't spend his money willy-nilly.

After years of beingfinancially independent post-university, not to mention the years being brought up to look after myself, to manage my pocket money (oh yes, my dad encouraged my sister and I to keep 'budget' books when we were 10 years-old!), I'm finding the whole concept of a joint bank account rather bizarre. Maybe I'm worried, deep down, that giving up my financial independence is giving up a little bit of security in the knowledge that I can survive if I had to without anyone else.

But I think it's more that I just don't feel comfortable spending someone else's money on a whim: even after almost 13 years of being together, I don't want to take it for granted. This isn't the same as him treating me to a meal on a night out (yes please, more of those): it's essentially me dipping into his wallet whenever I feel like it. As I have some God-given right because I'm his wife?

I won't just be able to go and buy a pair of shoes on a whim whenever I feel like it. I'd feel serious guilt about spending our money when what is usually my guilty pleasure of a shopping spree.

But it's not just my spending I'll be worried about: it's his too. The minute you put money in a joint bank account, the minute it becomes OUR money, I feel I have a responsibility over it. It's no longer just his "pocket money" - I somehow suddenly have a say in it, it's our nest egg as a couple together. Everytime he or I spends from it, we're tapping into our future kids' college funds. I don't want that burden. Perhaps that's what this all boils down to: I don't want the responsibility.

All the while we keep our accounts separate, it allows me to carry on as usual. If I overspend, make mistakes in budgeting or decide to be especially frugal and live off baked beans to buy a new camera lens or whatever, then that's my decision, my fault. Equally, if he comes home one night having bought a new jumper, or a new bike - as he did recently - I think, 'wow, good for you treating yourself', not, 'hang on, that bike could have been the next three months' gas bills'.

There's something about a joint bank account I just cannot get my head around. I appreciate it's no new concept and many married couples have joint accounts and that works for them. But in this independent age of living, one which I've grown up in, it's suddenly rather odd to be asked to give up everything you know and act differently.