1. Dry-humping isn’t just for teens.

In all likelihood, you’re going to need more than simple P-in-V penetration in order to climax. And that’s totally, completely, 100% normal. Help to bring your clit in on the action by rubbing against your partner’s leg (or genitals) to add that extra level of stimulation you can’t achieve from vaginal sex alone.

2. Let them unwrap you.

Sure, sex is about physical sensation — but a huge component of sexual pleasure is anticipation and excitement. While you and your partner may have gotten into the routine of getting naked and jumping into bed before foreplay even begins, it’s likely that you’re not giving yourself enough anticipatory buildup before having sex. Try starting off standing up and clothed to give your partner the opportunity to slowly (or not-so-slowly) undress you. Feeling like the act is more spontaneous can increase your sexual readiness, which will ultimately make it easier for you to climax.

3. Focus on the “scenery” rather than the “destination.”

If you keep focusing on reaching orgasm, you’re probably going to psych yourself out and make it impossible to enjoy the necessary buildup of physical sensations. Give yourself a reprieve from worrying about climax and just focus on what actually feels good in the moment. You shouldn’t feel like you’re on the clock — it takes as long as it takes. Go into yoga-style bridge pose to allow yourself to feel even deeper penetration (and give your partner easier access to your clitoris).

4. Turn your back on your partner — so to speak.

If you’re constantly in your head and unable to relax and focus inward on your own pleasure, try letting your partner be the big spoon while you work on yourself with a toy. This will allow you to concentrate on letting go and tap into that lizard-brain that kicks in when you’re masturbating by yourself. Once you’re at the point of (*ahem*) “readiness,” you can let your partner take over control of the toy and, if they have a penis, enter you from behind.

5. Don’t clench up.

You know the feeling: when you’re on the brink of climax and you suddenly and inexplicably “lose” it? A good rule of thumb to keep in mind when you feel that telltale inner clenching is to take deep breaths and focus on relaxing rather than tightening up. This is the opposite of what your body wants to do, but longer, deeper breaths are more conducive to satisfying orgasms (and to helping you achieve orgasm at all).