Category: cheat days

We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon. We are all super excited about it!! And then…..

WAWAWAAAAA

I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit. And I am 50 pounds over. That is a lot of weight to lose. FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it. UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this.

I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity. Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more. Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work. Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk……..

Instead if the “weekly shows nothing selfie,Here is one that actually does show something.And you know what? I don’t even hate it.

We’ve taken a few days off. Not completely off, but a bit relaxed. We had some cake for Sean’s birthday. And Sean requested birthday lasagna as well. Damn my lasagna is good. I did do some little things to create the illusion of control …like make a smaller pan of lasagna. And other than those things over the weekend, I stayed away from sugar. Including that Easter candy that continues to linger around the house.

Then yesterday I continued to be “off it” a bit. I had a busy day and not-gonna-lie, the second I went out the door, I knew I was going to use my business as an excuse to have my favorite McDonald’s meal —even though I easily could have made a better choice. Verruca (and Ms. PMS) wanted it…. and Colleen gave in. Then when I got home from work, there were 2 pieces of cake left and I did my old… “Well… I already had McDonald’s…. may as well have a piece and get it out of here……”

Blogging this morning felt essential to get myself back on track before going completely off the rails again like we did after vacation.

BY THE WAY!!! the “getting up at 9am every day thing” has been FANTASTIC!! There had been a few days where I have fought it a bit, but Lonnie relentlessly texted and called me to make sure I got up. I can’t believe how much more shit I have gotten done because I just have so much more time and FELT like it!!! It’s already become a bit of a habit, as this morning, I did NOT want to get up, but was WIDE awake and ended up getting up since I couldn’t force myself to go back to sleep. So…. WINNING!!!

It was a long day but I made it through. Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us. But we stood strong. I kept thinking, “Well it’s not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?” and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up. the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, “Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that.”

:::insert spoiled voice::: I don’t WANT 4 stupid pieces. I want 104.

I couldn’t even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me– which told me that it wasn’t really the candy itself that Iwanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.

:::alert–this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie. It wasn’t til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, “Go ahead. Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to.” Thewanting was instantly gone because I wasn’t getting the negative attention from him anymore.

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays. Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo. We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it. I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time. But I CAN control what he eats at home with us!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness. The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some. The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then went back on the shelf. This shit is not easy. My brain is a battlefield of;

“Maybe just a few pieces…” “Maybe we should just take the weekend off and start back on Monday….” “Wow, some of those m&ms in the microwave would be just perfect……”

I did not give in to the spoiled little girl inside that wants what she wants when she wants it!!! And I won’t today either. And WHY not?Because I FEEL GOOD DAMNIT and I want to KEEP feeling good!

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar. But not this time! I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin’!

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM! I didn’t even want it. I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it. Yes it felt weird. No I didn’t feel like I was missing out. Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl. (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called ‘Paleo Takeout’ and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is. And since I like that information, I am going with it!) Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage. When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!

Today as I slid on my jeans for work… I was actually planning on probably having to slide them back off again because they were too tight. NOPE! If anything, they were looser! As planned, while in Mexico, I ate and drank everything I wanted to. Fortunately, that is a LOT of great fresh Mexican food! I never really eat junk food in Mexico because it’s all just weird stuff. Even if I am feeling snacky, and go into a corner store, I almost always come out empty handed because 1. I don’t know what anything is and 2. None of it looks appetizing to me.

My downfall was traveling home. I am VERY CAREFUL about what I eat around plane trips for fear of a repeat of the puking incident, but once we got back in Boston …and ended up stranded there for 2 days (thank you American Airlines for losing the one bag with our car keys in it). I must admit, all bets were off. A combo of emotions and “let’s eat all the bad stuff before getting back on it Monday, ” led to a weekend of debauchery.

There was Pirate’s Booty

There was a mini Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough cup

There were cheez its

There was chinese take-out

There was Carrabas bread and lobster ravioli (with the insides squished out because it was nasty)

There were egg Mcmuffins

And last night when we got home… I had a “last meal” of pancakes.

My only saving grace was that it was all vending machine food, so all small bags 😉

Back to it today. Fought a lot of urges to make cupcakes and eat bad food because I have a nasty cold and feel like shit. But I didn’t. I made delicious salad (I actually missed salad and craved it in Mexico!), and Lonnie made a wonderful Pezole soup that was JUST what the doctor ordered for my cold.

I did have an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast because I overslept and then had to rush off to work. But there are certainly worse things, and I didn’t let it make me think the whole day was ruined.

Things that have not changed….

I still have a LOT of bags of clothes that are waiting for me to be smaller so that I can wear them.

I cannot run 3 miles without walking at all.

I still do not go to the gym or exercise as much as I would like to

I still love Justin Bieber

And One Direction.

Things that HAVE changed….

I have LESS fat on my body.

The button on my jeans is not standing on the ledge threatening to of jump from the pressure it’s under.

I can wear some of the clothes that I had not been wearing because they didn’t fit properply.

I can run/walk in 1 minute intervals easily for 15 minutes (and surely more than that, but that is all I have done so far)

I feel confident in the weight room at the gym, even when Lonnie is not there with me

I LOOK FORWARD to Sunday yoga

I don’t crave McDonald’s anymore. Or cheez its. Or sour patch kids.

We have saved probably around $200-400 dollars this month because there is no more nightlt convenience store snack run. When I think of the shitty food and wasted money…. I almost didn’t even want to type that one out because it’s embarrassing.

Much less alcohol is being consumed. We used to have a tradition of finding new wines to pair with our dinner on Wednesdays, and on weekends would have a couple drinks in the evening. BUT, even if I have one glass of alcohol, I feel like a zombie in the morning and have to drag my ass out of bed, and I don’t need excuses to not get up and going!! ESPECIALLY on Sunday mornings because I want to feel good for yoga!

My skin is better, breakouts and blemishes are basically non-existent!

I never have “stomach issues” anymore or wake up feeling gross

There have also been some weird changes that may or may not be related….

I get up earlier every day

I make my bed every day

I have started to enjoy folding and putting away laundry and it doesn’t just live in baskets anymore

WOW that is a big list of reasons to never stop living this way, and right now I honestly don’t even want to stop! I feel awesome, happy, energized, and confident!! GO ME!!

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Me

I am a 40 something (yikers!) year old divorced, and then re-married, mom of two, Sean and Jessi. A lot of my blog is focused on my struggle with my weight. Another lot of my blog is focused on my journey to better myself in other aspects of my life. I spent the first half of my life angry and bitter, with big splashes of fun to hold it together. In this half, I've kept the fun and put in the work on myself to kiss the angry, bitter bitch goodbye!
I have been blogging since 2006ish on my on Porchrockers blogger blog. I love blogging and I loved that blog, but my life has changed so much that it just didn't fit me anymore so I created a shiny new blog to match my shiny new life!