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The past year of Dating (featuring cupboards, crying and dirty knickers)

The last year or so has been an interesting one buy hey they all are when it comes to dating.

Seriously though I’ve always thought i’m an okay catch, I mean yes I know i’m no Kardashian but I have a good job, own my own property, can cook and love sport but this means nothing in dating. I never thought I would be single for this long and have often wondered if it’s because I am too picky but I think it’s because online dating is hard. You may think you connect with someone after chatting and texting but then when you come to meet them they can infact be totally different in person as speaking online does infact allow a person to be exactly what they are not IRL (In real life)

The year has been filled with the weird and not so wonderful, but where do I start hmmmmm……..

Let’s start with ‘cupboard man‘ This one is beyond weird but in a way I kind of feel for him and what he feels he requires sexually. He started talking to me on twitter, we got on well, seemed to have a few things in common but then the freakishness started. After meeting him he then told me he was in an open relationship or at least in his head he was as I’m pretty sure his girlfriend had no idea they were in one. Once I said I wasn’t interested he would still occasionally message me telling me about the sorts of things he had going through his head. I will stick to the 2 most memorably things he told me.

He asked what I thought about him being used for a week and me locking him in a cupboard whilst I went out to work and couldn’t let him out until I got home. Me being practical pointed out he had a girlfriend and how exactly would he explain his disappearance. I would have mentioned the fact that I don’t actually have a lockable cupboard at home but they would have given him hope that I was considering it haha. He simply replied he would tell her he was going away on business. Oh silly me! Surely in an open relationship he could just tell his girlfriend what he was up to. I declined the kind offer.

Craigslist – Now I had never heard of this list until he explained it was like a wanted ads. Founded I believe in the states but don’t quote me on that. He had been searching on Craigslist and come across a couple that wanted another couple to go and watch them have sex in a hotel room in Brighton. Again I declined and suggested perhaps he ask his girlfriend. Then the shocker he said he was going to meet a guy in a local park to his house to pleasure him in the toilet. Seriously I am all up for people exploring things sexually but he was basically going to meet a guy who would pay him £50 to pleasure him in the toilets of a local park. He wanted to feel used apparently. I mean seriously do people really do this?!?

I don’t have any contact with him at all surprisingly.

Then we have ‘Crying man‘ now what can I say about this. Another online treat, having spoken for sometime we finally meet up for a few drinks he seemed like the person I had been talking too which is always a good start if not a little shorter, slight in statue and also feminine than I like my men to be. Anyway skipping ahead to quite a while later. I had dinner and drinks round his one night, one or two bottles of wine lead to other things and then he cried. Yes that’s right full on cried. Now at this point I am reminded of a quote on his profile stating “I am a pussy and cry at anything” but seriously he cried at the point of ejaculation people!!! I had no idea what to do I asked why he was crying whilst trying badly not to laugh, I don’t know if the laughter was a shock thing or just a get yourself out of here nervous laughter but he hadn’t pre-warned me or maybe he had with the profile statement hmmmm. He tried to brush it off but all I could think about was why the hell was he crying. Was he a virgin and I was his first?! or maybe he was gay and I was his first girl?! My mind was seriously going into overdrive. He cried. Maybe it was a release thing I’m really not sure or maybe his profile statement was a disclaimer. Maybe he should re-word it slightly to warn any future potential gf’s something along the lines of “**Warning** – Have been known to cry at the point of ejaculation, please do not be alarmed I am just a pussy and I cry at anything. Please do not feel uncomfortable or laugh it’s just who I am” Like you get the disclaimers on profiles with guys or girls with children or Vegan’s who promise not to try to make you a Vegan cause you are dating them.

In my next blog I will tell you about a close encounter of the dirty knicker kind. One not to be sniffed at 🙂