The fact of the matter is this: kids of divorced families always have a hard time adjusting. You have to ask yourself, have you really given her a chance, and have you considered things from her perspective? She may feel as if the world does not care about her, that she is an undesirable due to her sense of abandonment. This is exhibited in her lying, sex, drugs, drinking and bad behavior. Instead of blaming her and saying "I do not trust you" say "what can I do to help her cope with this situation." you have to consider the connotation that is associated with things like "you're a liar." There are associations that she will embed in her self concept. Ask yourself: can you really blame her for lying? She has just felt that her life is a lie do to a separation and remarried father to a woman that she doesn't know. The worse part about it: she has to just "deal" with it. The fact of the matter is this: she has signed over an emotional check when this took place that she did not consent to, but was forced to give anyways. Now you guys want her to be considerate of her when the fact is, she has never felt that she was considered. Think of it like this: you are minding you own business and then you slip and hit your head. You go to the doctors, they fix you up, but now you have medical bills in excess of $100,000.00. This will lead to a "F*ck it" mentality. Emotionally, this is what has happened, and the fact of the matter is, she is not even aware of why she feels and acts a certain way. Its getting buried by all the drugs, alcohol and sex. Instead of blaming her, ask yourself what is happening underneath the surface and get to the root cause.

You make some very good points in your post, but just to let you know that snafu's step-daughter situation isn't the result of a divorce. snafu's step-daughter's mother died when she was younger. snafu's background and story with her stepdaughter isn't the stereotypical one. In her case, snafu tried to do the positive things you said and help her stepdaughter adjust, but her efforts were rejected by her stepdaughter and her husband. Sad situation.