Another contest asked readers to choose a better nickname for Washington, D.C., than “A Capital City.”

The winner: “A Work-Free Drug Place.”

Still another contest was to come up with a better slogan for the State of Maryland than “Manly Deeds, Womanly Words.”

The winner: “Maryland. Home to its Residents.”

Before long, SI hit its stride. It began to ask readers to (1) select any word from the dictionary, (2) alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and (3) submit a definition for the altered word.

A selection of winning entries…

—————

Arachnoleptic fit — The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug — Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Bozone — The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

Cashtration — The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Caterpallor — The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

Decafalon — The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Dopeler effect — The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Foreploy — Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti — Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Glibido — All talk and no action.

Hipatitis — Terminal coolness.

Ignoranus — A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Inoculatte — To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Karmageddon — Its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Osteopornosis — A degenerate disease.

Sarchasm — The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Related

4 Responses

I’m glad to read about such a longtime fan of The Style Invitational. Actually, two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, “decafalon” isn’t a one-letter change from “decathlon,” is it? Or “caterpallor”?)

Much better to see the the current Invitational — every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We’ve had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post’s Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.

For example, here are some of the winners of our May 22 contest to overlap two names, or a name and an expression:

And here are the top winners of our May 7 neologism contest for single-word spoonerisms — where the first letters of different syllables were switched:
Inpocchio: Imprisonment for lying. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)

Thirber: Someone who makes up a story about the secret life of another person. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)

Karping: “You’ll never fit in that space, Harold. You’re too close to the curb, Harold!” (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

In another contest, every word had to include a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet — backward.

Flingpong: Having your own affair to get even with a cheating spouse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Burpon: Carbonated whiskey. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

Zyxzag: Path created during a DWI test when the cop makes you walk 20 steps while reciting the alphabet in reverse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of “Washington Post Style” on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you’ll get a link to the Invitational when it’s posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.

I got stuck on the D.C. nickname, “A work-free drug place.” I laughed so hard I choked, having recently visited D.C. and seen it for myself. That may have been written in the ’90s, but it still rings true.