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Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday, November 21, 2008

With Thanksgiving approaching, bakeries across the nation are churning out turkeys just as fast as they can.

Er, turkey cakes, I mean. Yeah.

I'm not sure who is more confused: me or the decorator who made this:

First I see a weird smiley face whose hair is on fire. Then I see... no, wait - sorry, that's all I see.

Despite the fact that these look like electrified squirrels with blazing tails, they're actually sort of cute. In a frantic, somebody-get-me-a-bucket-of-water kind of way, I mean.

Of course, then there's the turkey who's already been extinguished [smirk]:

(That's a brownie, not a cake. Pretty soon bakeries are going to start "decorating" our loaves of bread, if we're not careful.)

Unless you're eating at a restaurant at the end of the universe, I'm pretty sure your food should never talk to you - much less advocate your imbibing its flesh. Yech.

Then again:

Maybe it's worse when the thing is pleading with you NOT to eat it.

"Thing" being the operative word here, since this looks like the result of craft time at the local preschool. All it's missing is a construction paper hand-tracing for a tail, and maybe a bunch of glitter.

(Hey, now, put that glitter down, Wreckerators; I didn't mean to give you any ideas!)

I need to get back to our Walmart. They had a turkey that looked like a turd on cardboard. I *think* it was supposed to be 2 cupcakes with the tail behind them. It ended up looking more like Mr. Hanky.

Well, the brownie one is kind of cute, I think. I mean, they did a pretty good job on the wattle and the little paper frills. It's cute!...apart from the smoke-lines... and the fact that the turkey's body looks like a pile of... ok, I retract my statement.

Oh my! I love the electrified squirrels! The things people will make AND then think they look good. At least I would have enough sense to just eat the whole thing my self or throw it in the trash. Too funny!

And that second cake is why squirrels should NEVER be allowed to play near light sockets. Poor flaming tails.As for the extinguished turkey, I thought less of steam lines and more of stink lines. Or maybe I'm just remembering the year we bought a bad turkey.

To me, the first one looks like a very confused bean. It is part mexican jumping bean hence the legs. However, it is embracing it's inner Native American hence the head-dress! I am just worried about that mass on his face I think for a bean that might be a melanoma. VEry sad really!

Apparently turkey feathers are the invitation to use the craziest icing techniques, hence the fuzzy appearances of the second and fourth ones. I understand feathers are hard to replicate in something with a completely different texture, but I'm not sure those techniques mitigated that difficulty. Somehow the word verification, hanci, seems to apply here.

"Pretty soon bakeries are going to start "decorating" our loaves of bread, if we're not careful."

This has already started to happen Jen! The grocery store bakery I used to work at made Italian bread in the shape of pumpkins (with orange and green coloring and all!). They were actually pretty cute...when they turned out right.

I totally saw a flaming Mr. Potato Head too! The heat lines on the "Eat me!" cake also look strikingly similar to stink lines... are you sure that one isn't left over from Canadian thanksgiving?? Ewww.

I made a cake for DH's office party today and almost chose electrified squirrels, but decided that they probably wouldn't last the car trip. Now that I see what I narrowly avoided, I'm glad my reputation will stay intact.

I must admit, I sort of love the 'eat me' turkey, but mostly because I think it would gross others out but not bother me. Of course, I also used to name my hamburgers right before biting into them and saying "mmmm" to mess with people, so that probably indicates that something is wrong with me.

The first and last cakes were definitely designed kindergarten flunkies and the flaming squirrel cake is bizarrely formal (not to mention poorly executed).

Okay. I burst out loud in laughter when I saw the one without the tail feathers and the little "Fume" lines around it. Were you all thinking what I was? That maybe that bird had some "flammable gas incident" that left him featherless and charred. Poor thing..... shouldn't have stuffed himself with burritos.

hahahahaha....electrififed squirrels? hahahahthat cake actually made me feel like I was in ancient Greece paying tribute to the some pumpkin god at an altar columned with...electrified squirrels...gross.

And, I laughed OUT LOUD at the sly comment about decorators decorating our loaves of bread soon if we're not careful ...hahahahah !who are you?!?!?!? your comic timing is spot on...every time. SO funny!

Why are you hating on the first one? It's SO clearly the MacGyver Mr. Potatohead running out of an exploded building he was being held captive in. Thanksgiving is not until next week. It's MacGyver Mr. Potatohead appreciation day every day.

The, um, "spread-turkey" EAT ME brownie has sped past unintentional innuendo and taken the fast-track to dirty-minded suggestion. It recalls the worst line of dialogue in the most disconcerting context of the most jaw-droppingly terrible movie ever: when J.Lo in Gigli says "Gobble Gobble!"

The first one looks like a baked potato on a flaming grill. Are these seriously professional decorators? Because they stink at their jobs!!! Go back to school and learn how to decorate a cake. Jeez, man.

I was just introduced to your blog yesterday, and I have to say it has made my time at work more enjoyable! I will be sure to carry my camera with me at all times when I go grocery shopping! Thanks for the laughs...

The first one: I think the curved yellow line was supposed to indicate the neck curve, but the decorator didn't understand what it was supposed to be and put the beak and eyes in the wrong place (and too big).

I was at the Bullseye store yesterday, and my heart was hurting because I didn't have my camera with me, nor did I want to put out $19 for a Turkey CCC just so I could take a picture of it.

DH on the other hand thought the Turkey CCC was NOT a wreck and quite cute - and then had the nerve to call me uppity because I wanted to send a picture to your amazing blog! I'm filing for divorce first thing Monday. ;)

I think when you place a big pile of icing poo on a brownie and dress it up like a toxically flatulant turkey, you're required to write "eat me" on it. Otherwise, people might suspect your intent was the opposite. Besides, it comes off nicely as a dare at that point. :)

"May I urge you, sir, to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."I was thrilled to see the Dalek cakes too! My God! I laughed until I cried! Great blog!

I don't want this to come across wrong, but I love what a nerd you are! First you reference Lady Cassandra O'Brien Dot Delta Seventeen, now Douglas Adams? All that combined with (frequently badly decorated) cake? Oh yeah that's why this is my favorite blog.

I'd be quite impressed if one of my friends made the first one, but not by the professional baker who charged for it.

I think we need a Top Ten Things Cake Decorators Should Know list for Cake Wrecks. The list should include:* It's spelled "Congratulations"* Big brown blobs of icing just end up looking like poo.* Quotation marks are for quoting* If it could possibly be interpreted as looking like a penis, don't put it on the cake.

I wonder whether the flaming squirrel cake was the result of a decorator knowingly finishing a cake wreck because they had already put in so much work and were essentially committed to seeing it through. That's really the only way it makes sense.

Word verification: barjtqdh - where the decorators went before/after finishing these cakes and what they sounded like when they got there.

I am supremely offended that you would call that last cake a preschool art project. I teach 4 and 5 year olds and we have NEVER made somethings that looks that awful! Come to thnk of it, the two-year-olds down that hall haven't either!!

Awww! I just love the baked potato one. Of course, that's because I love drawings made by five year olds.(I'm just going with that, and I don't want to hear that anyone over five had anything to do with it. : ) )

I just have to say this:Today is the first time I've been to this blog. At first, I just bounced around. The horror took over and I began seriously click every "older posts" I came too. I must draw the line for today at this one. The overload has caused me to go into a fit of laughter that I couldn't stop, brought tears to my eyes, caused me to choke on my coffee, and had my daughter calling from the bathroom, "Mom, are you alright? Are you SURE you're o-kay?!! WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!!!"

My first note: The google eyes on the first one are staring into my soul! It's creepy!My second note: HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY LOVERS UNITE! Towels by our sides, we will go out into the world to prove once and for all that we are more than Mostly Harmless!My last note: That brownie looks like it has a pile of poo on it. QUIT THE OVER-USE OF BROWN ICING!

That first one is definitely a flaming (or flamboyant) potato. The "smile" is too centered and so are the eyes for that smile to be a wing or neck.

someone mentioned "turducken"--that's just cruelty to dead animals! ugh! the fact that "turd" is in the title says it all!

which brings me to the stinky poo pile with googly eyes brownie that says "eat me." Is this an insult cake? the fact that it looks like stinky poo and that it says "eat me" could really mean "eat sh--" no? (pardon the vulgarity!)

"toxically flatulant"--LOL

and to claim the electrified flaming squirrels are poorly executed. that sounds a little redundant--look at the formal posturing. maybe they ARE being executed by electricfication at the altar of the Great Pumpkin! poor little things....

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