Wednesday, 28 December 2011

I am up to wrap all the things happened in 2011.Few days left before entering 2012,I have gone through lots of things for the past 12 months.Ups and Down,Thick and Thin and Bitter sweet.

It has been almost 1 year and 9 months since I came back,made up my mind to leave Dublin and settle down in Malaysia.Deep inside me,there is a bit regret and the rushing decision cause me a lot of tears these 21 months of living in KL.

Lots of things happened in 21 months and this year has been really tough.I thought i am the happiest person when I am back and nothing else really matter.Unfortunately,the next day I am the saddest person crying over things which I cant blame anyone.Things happened.

First,I lost my friends who I loved like a sisters.I guess it wasn't our fault and it happened without any realization.At this juncture,I know they are happy with their married life and my prayers for all of them.They were wonderful and thank you for all these years.

The other things which some of the readers are wondering is my long term relationship.The longest I have ever had and no one would understand what we have treasured together.We have ended this relationship after years of going through thick and thin.We have known each other since I was 12 and there were millions of memories left us behind.Eventually things didn't work out.Neither of us shall be blamed.But there's no point in dwelling over the past because moving on is all we need.

Everyday I pray he won't go but Allah knows what's the best for us.Even we have tried to work things out,sorted it and back on track to be normal,yet,it didn't sail smoothly.In the end,the best we could do is to split.To be honest,I miss his presence.I miss US and the memories we have treasured.I couldn't remain faithful to this relationship and stay and so he himself. "You don't know what you have,until you've lost it".So this quote keeps me going forward without regret despite I never stop loving him and pray we both will be grand in future.

I keep on reminding myself,I have waited him for long time and we shall seal the deal.However,Allah has closed our door although my heart shattered again.I experienced another life's biggest hurdles and being tested again.So much tears.So as I was looking at the pictures we had for 8 years,I realized,this is reality.I couldn't fight for my rights anymore and in the same time,I don't snatch anyone's happiness.We only live once.One day,all of us will die and none will stay.The effort in this relationship and silly things we have done together will be compiled as memories we had in the past.My love story ended.

Having to opt for the singlehood life,I strongly believed there will be one person to fit in, InsyaAllah.I don't opt for rebound love to replace him at any time soon.It takes me ages to mend my broken heart because the last person I want to be with is my future husband and until Jannah we will be together.And i know its hard to take another step without him around but everything has been written for us.Allah SWT is fair.He took away one of amazing part in my life but He replaced with another amazing thing.At this juncture,Allah has awarded me strong heart to live in the moment and cherish what He has given.I have my career,wonderful parents who never stop praying for me,lovely friends to support and strangers who I comfortable to hang with.(You know who you are)

Sometimes,I cried thinking how tragic life can turned out to be but Mama always reminds me,Doa is the best to heal the tears.At first i won't be able to see the beautiful life ahead,then realized,this is not what I want to be.I don't want to spend my entire life crying.I can't get what I really want and told myself to believe in qada' and qadar.There's always a good reason behind what had happened.Slowly,the sorrow I had faded and happiness is on its way.

Building my career is what I desired most.I loved my job so much (if you noticed from my previous post although it has been a while).Everyday I learn new things.My bosses are really supportive.It's just I keep my distance away from being typical conservative Banker.I want to enjoy everyday routine and my effort and hardwork pays off.Syukur.Planning for future and make PapaMama proud of my achievement is the best way to pay off what they have done after raising me.

At this time,I am planning to apply to work abroad and live outside from my comfort zone to gain more experience.Hazlind (my best girlfriend) has gone to San Francisco to seek her satisfaction by working in one of the biggest firm.She urged me to apply and I haven't done solat to resolve my doubt on applying.InsyaAllah,right after I come back from perform umrah in March,I will have the answer for that.It's not that i'm running away from my reality but its for future sake.I miss her dearly.She is my forever sister who always be my support system through my ups and down.

Being 26 this year and turning 27 in 2012,I had jot down my resolutions although some of it I haven't achieved yet.Hey,after all the resolutions keeps me going forward.Nevertheless,one of it is to have proper adulthood life.Its really long to justify what does it mean by "proper adulthood".Everyone deserved to be happy after all.I want to live as an adult not as a cry baby besides adjusting my unstable emotions.

Lets pray that 2012 will be great to everyone regardless they were in your past or they will be your future.May Allah always be with all of you.Trust me,life resembles more than novels and films.Either its happy ending or sad ending,life is fair.We only live once.Appreciate what's around you and acknowledge other feelings.Marriage is one of big step of responsibility and love you Job because that is rezeki for us to live.Remember "Allah tidak akan duga kita kalau dia tahu kita tidak mampu untuk menahannya"....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year readers.I am looking forward for 2012.Bear with me till my next entry.I will update more on what's happening to share with all of you.Meantime,have a joy on new years eve.xx.