Adam’s Rules is a series of posts about unwritten rules that need to be written because people clearly don’t understand.

In today’s example, we look at the rules of driving.

Rule 1: It’s okay to pull up right next to someone.

You can pull up next to me at a stoplight, I won’t stare at you. And I won’t bite. I might casually glance over to see if I know you, however.

Rule 2: The world doesn’t need to hear your music.

If you pull up next to me and you have your music blaring, you’re a jerk. UNLESS, you have a car full of people and they’re all having fun. But if it’s just you and you’re bumping some horrible pop song or some horrendous new hip-hop that only you seem to appreciate, then back up a little and let me enjoy my own music for the next 30 seconds before the green light.

Rule 3a: Old people should avoid freeways.

They’re not just meant for that pace of driving.

Rule 3b: If old people are on the freeway, they should not use the fast lane.

This is just horrible.

Rule 4: If you’re in the carpool or fast lane, you should be driving relatively fast.

Self-explanatory. Get to moving.

Rule 5: No cutting.

The most important rule. If there is a line of cars stopped, never drive hella fast to get past them and then cut in at the last second. Wait in line like everybody else. I have places to go, too. If you cut in front of me, I will be as passive-aggressive as possible, probably follow too close, and maybe even glare at you from my car, hoping that you look back and see a huge bald dude mad-dogging you and then you realize you may have made a big mistake. I hope that idea scares you, jerk who thinks his commute is more important than anyone else’s.