I lost/won the debate with myself is the forty-eighth video in the Maddison Atkinsvideo series. It is also the twelfth video of chapter three.

Transcript

(Marla is sitting in a living room, on the floor, laptop behind her on the couch)

Marla: So, for everybody with kind words, um, Sheetz, and Greg, and Krielok, JL, and Hopeful, and Jazmyn, and (deep breath) Rekidk, and Vacant, and Skunk, and Deagol, and Sparky, um, thanks. Um, UKeepWhatUKill, thanks, I guess I can take that compliment. I hate it that I’m scared. (Looks very uncomfortable) You know, and I’m not just letting you guys down, I’m letting Maddison down too. And yeah, I feel that. (Cut to Marla closer to the camera)

And the rest of you, the you're down there for two months and we don’t hear anything, you’re posting on Maddison’s account, you’re not doing exactly what we want you to do. I get it. And my response is what the fuck?

You know, when I moved down here, I was accused of playing some (air quotes) hero. That’s not why I moved down here. I moved down here for other reasons. All of which were personal reasons. And so when I got here, I tried to lay low, I tried to play it cool. I didn’t bug Clara, I didn’t get involved, I didn’t push anything anywhere, which, by the way was exactly what you told me to do. And suddenly, I get emails telling me that I’m useless, that I haven’t been doing what I should be doing, that I’m not involved. And when I open up and say that yeah I’m human, and I am a little bit scared I get beat up for it. What the fuck? You know I’ve been traveling. I haven’t been in Nacogdoches nearly as much as you might think. And… and how do I afford to do that, well I have a little bit of money set aside to do that. And yeah, I have been posting to Maddison’s account, I’m relevant. And I am our only connection to this here. I’m sorry, I’m not doing enough. I get it. I should be doing more. And I already spoke about that, so you can check the last video cause I don’t even want to go there again. (Looks away, and then back to the camera)

And you know what, me saying that is just going to make it, worse. Which is awesome. (Looks away from the camera at close of video to hide emotion.)