Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is being charged with perjury and a host of other crimes for allegedly lying under oath about an affair with a staff member. It seems sexually explicit text messages between the two have been uncovered, essentially destroying their story. It's not about the sex, it's about the lying... about sex.

Meanwhile, new New York Governor David Paterson has admitted to having sexual affairs and trying cocaine in the past. Preemptively admitting an affair – rather than having a newspaper reporter out him a year or two down the road and forcing him to explain himself – was an admirable and I think very prudent step. However, what comes to mind in this election year, as we once again look at images of candidates alongside their spouses and children – the idea of family representing “moral,” “trustworthy” or “normal” to many a voter – is the fact that being a family person is no guarantee that someone is "clean."

I’ve never had an affair (never been married) and have never done illegal drugs. But I am also 39 years old and single, a vegetarian, and have no specific religious beliefs. Were I to run for office, I might have the smartest, most revolutionary platform ever, but I’d never have a chance; my candidacy would be sunk very quickly by American prejudices against my unconventional situation, and certainly by a powerful smear machine.

Paterson took the highest office in the state of New York, of course, after Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned in light of revelations he partook of the services of a high-priced call girl ring. His real crime, though, was hypocrisy: Spitzer ran for governor on a platform of ethical reform, and had prosecuted many a prostitution case in his former role as Attorney General for New York State.

I felt bad – and somewhat confused – by the presence of Spitzer’s wife Silda at his side during the two public statements he made about the scandal. First, the poor woman didn’t deserve to have to stand up there in front of the cameras and the world with the man who paid women young enough to be their daughter for sex. And, the people of New York didn’t vote for Silda, they voted for her husband. It was really a message to the people of the state from the disgraced politician. It may have been important to Eliot to have his wife up there next to him, but it was also a selfish and irrelevant act.

Not long after the prostitution scandal erupted, the identity of at least one of Spitzer’s sex-for-hire gals was revealed: 22-year-old Ashley Dupré, aka “Kristen,” who according to her Myspace page is an aspiring singer. Apparently microphones aren’t the only elongated, shaft-like things she wants to wrap her hands around and hold up to her mouth for money and fame.

I am actually not opposed to prostitution, primarily on the basis that if a man wants to pay a woman for something, and she wants to take the money for that something, it’s no one else’s business. But Spitzer allegedly paid Dupré $4300 plus various expenses for an hour of "service." This is actually one of the most disturbing parts of this story, as there's almost nothing a woman could do sexually that would be worth that much. And Dupré was one of the middle-priced escorts, according to the Emporers Club VIP price list. Where do these women get off charging that much for a man to get off? I’m typically outspoken against unnecessary plastic surgery, but for that amount I’d pretty much want what I’d consider to be a “perfect 10,” not a woman whose nose could double as a ski slope.

Then there is the issue I’ve discussed before on this blog, and that is that an implied part of the financial transaction between client and service provider is discretion. What happened to the love of the craft in these prostitutes who go around giving interviews about it afterwards? It makes me sad. These young people with their tell-all books and their dungarees.

It turns out Dupré has somewhat of a history as a sexual entertainer, as her involvement at age 18 in the making of several Girls Gone Wild videos has also been revealed. I am no puritan; actually, I consider myself somewhat of a libertine. But when did young women all become such “hos?” What was once a fascinating phenomenon of sexually charged young women has turned into an epidemic. It’s no wonder 25% of them have some kind of sexually transmitted disease.

But the most important question here is, of course, where were these “Lolitas” when I was a young, randy yet shy schoolboy aching to be made a man? That’s the real crime!

In local news, there have been a spate of arrests in my county of teachers who had sexual contact with their students. These are mostly women teachers, mind you. I’ve written extensively about Debra Lafave, who got house arrest for having sex with a 14-year-old student. Could it be that these other women, who couldn’t possibly be unaware of the Lafave case unless they were living under a rock for a few years, realized that if they were caught they would probably receive the same slap on the wrist from Johnny Law? There is no angry “remove their sexual organs” contingent in our society when it comes to female sexual predators, outside of my devil’s advocate blog post. Where is the deterrent?

But the most important question here is, of course, where were these “Mrs. Robinsons” when I was a young, randy yet shy schoolboy aching to be made a man? That’s the real crime!

Meanwhile, a woman is suing the T&A, err, TSA for forcing her to remove her nipple rings during a security screening. They probably were wrong to go about it the way they did, but I am thinking it’s not wise to take unnecessary metal objects through airport security. The nipplette’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, stated, "The last time I checked, a nipple was not a dangerous weapon." Tell that to the many, many people who suffered heart attacks and other catastrophic episodes at the fleeting glimpse of Janet Jackson’s nipple during the Super Bowl a few years ago. Children corrupted. Families broken. Dog and cats living together. Some real scary "End Times" shit there.

Bush-appointed federal judges have struck down a New York State law that amounts to a bill of rights for passengers stuck on grounded airplanes for an extended period of time. Their rationale was that federal law trumps state law. Once again, we see a lack of accountability being facilitated by the Bush administration; whether it’s telecoms, defense contractors (aka mercenaries) or Scooter Libby, Bush & Co. just can’t stand to see the big guy lose. The case also brings to mind the 2000 presidential election, when Republicants temporarily set aside their championing of states’ rights and cheered the Supreme Court’s overturning of the Florida high court’s ruling on the ballot recount.

And speaking of Florida, my home state is now considering a ban on saggy pants for public school students. Unlike the trousers which have inspired it, this bill would be (legally) binding. Many public schools already require uniforms. Soon they will implant chips in the students' heads to program any indecent thoughts right the hell out of them. Seriously though, based on some of the earlier stories in this post, shouldn't we be more concerned about enacting laws requiring politicians to keep their pants up?

Since the days of Jeb Bush Florida has been in the legislative grip of the NRA. Not satisfied with its victory on the “Stand Your Ground” law, aka the “Shoot First And Ask Questions Later” law, the clearly illiterate but powerful lobbying group is now pushing for the right of Florida workers to keep guns in their cars while at work, which many businesses oppose. I’d be interested to know how many people who opposed the indoor smoking ban a few years ago on the grounds that it took away business owners’ rights are suddenly not so interested in business owners’ rights and support this bill.

Dutch film Fitna, which is said to suggest that the Koran incites violence, is coming under fire from Muslims around the globe. In one of the most extreme criticisms, a member of an Al-Qaeda-affiliated group stated, "The correct Sharia (Islamic law) response is to cut (off) (the director’s) head and let him follow his predecessor, (late filmmaker Theo) van Gogh, to hell." Evidently these folks don’t understand the notion of “making someone else’s argument for them.”

In a news story that is surely a consternative’s wet dream, a Pennsylvania judge has ordered three Hispanic men to learn English or face jail for robbery. Contending the sentence constitutes cruel and unusual punishment, the men instead chose death by lethal injection.

As host of the 2008 Summer Olympic Games, China is being pressured to clean up its act with Tibet, Sudan and other volatile areas of the world. The Chinese government is also putting pressureon its own restaurateurs not to serve traditional delicacycanis lupus familiaris (dog) during the games for fear of freaking out people from more civilized nations. Maybe we need year-round Olympic games in China? (You didn't think you'd really get a post from me that didn't mention dogs and China, did you?)