Saturday, May 31, 2014

Having a cup of hot green tea in the morning is always a soothing relief, it brightens up
my day and relaxes my mind, there’s a space of beautiful, warm
thoughts that opens up. But behind this stillness, a strange form of anxiety is lurking beneath,
deep inside, there seems an audible rattling of something I could not fathom, like a shattering of a broken glass.

I tried ignoring it, pretending it's just another passing moment. Another episode of relishing sweet little nothings and will just come to pass. In due time. Hopefully...

Today
is another day.Another day of hope. Another chance to live life meaningfully. Another moment to savor great anticipation of a
beautiful tomorrow.

Today I realized I should be writing
again because there are so many stories to tell that only my journal can understand.

Today I learned that life can sometimes be complicated and there's nothing I can do about it but to go on and carry its weight.

Sunshine beams and sieves through the window of
the pantry where I seated. I took a deep breath trying to squeeze out
the anxiety that starts to build. It's all over again in my system. A familiar sting of pain that gushes through the chimney of my ribcage.

It's always sad to end the day in despair knowing I could no longer enjoy the thrill of such emotions that swarming underneath because well, there are really things in life that are not meant to be.

Today I want to recognize that huge splashes, bubbles of emotions, bursting in my horizon but I know it could never be materialized and would never be reciprocated. You know when you feel that perfect moment but in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's quite sad.

Another moment of silence passes...

My tousled mind scrunches, but I no longer ask myself what it is
because I am aware of its presence. Sadness. Emptiness. Despair.
Moping for something I could never have. Oh God! Why am I so easily deceived with my own illusion.But it's there, that huge thudding underneath, it's dribbling terribly, something that could never be denied nor ignored. But it is no longer realistic.

I tried darting my mind to other things hoping to pacify the raging of my heartbeat.

I took another sip of tea and breathe deeply and threw my
glances above the docile skyline of McKinley.There was nothing to marvel. Only the lifeless rooftops of Tuscany-inspired residences rebounded in my stare.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Finally, after less than a year of leaving my job in the university, I was able to see the people I utterly missed, the engineering dean and faculty. I missed them so much! No words could exactly describe the emotions I felt when we met again last Sunday.

They were here last weekend for their annual retreat and we agreed to meet at Mall of Asia before their flight back home. It was so terrific! Seeing them again made me to go back to the relaxing, beautiful days working in the university. So sad that the meeting was only less than two hours as they were rushing to the airport.

Sweet, heartwarming moments with the people I extremely missed, the engineering faculty of the University of the Immaculate Conception in Davao City. With Maam Amy, Maam Sheila, Maam Emma and Neil!

With my former boss, the engineering dean, Engr. Emma Fuentes, missing her a lot!!!

I miss my former boss, Engr. Emma Fuentes, she's so down-to-earth and ultra-generous, we're extra close back then, seeing her again reliving the wonderful times we shared in the office where sometimes we would spend the whole morning in conversation, talking and sharing secrets and all those anxieties in life. I could confide my innermost feelings without apprehension without hesitations.

When I was still in the university I used to spend lots of time

with these three fantastic engineering faculty, Roxanne, Sheila and Juvie, laughing and sharing stories. Our voices and laughter sometimes would tear the silence of the corridor

Oh I missed those times :-(

I wanted to cry upon seeing everyone of them but I had to hold my emotion. No matter where I am, they are still the people I would prefer to spend my whole day talking and laughing, they're terrific nothing compares! I truly missed them a lot!

My life back in the university was so fantastically awesome, very comfortable and relaxed. We'd a great working relationship, everything was so easy and care-free then. But yeah, some good things never last.

I am crossing my fingers to see them some other time.

To Engr. Emma Fuentes: I missed you so much maam Ems, our conversation, our sharing, our laughter, everything!!!Thanks a lot for the cute shirt you gave me, wheew love it!!!Ah lab you so much!!!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Everybody is looking for that elusive 'one true love’. Some found theirs at the early part of their lives, others (like me waaah!) looked like it would take forever to stumble on "the one".

When I was still in my teens I dreamed that one day I could find that elusive "the one" among strangers and fall madly in love, spend the rest of our lives watching beautiful sunset, goes home sharing meal and laughter, patting back towards the end of a tiring day. But as time goes by, this dream seems slowly slipping and I am coming to terms with my destiny that maybe it would no longer come.

Watching my life rolled into different patterns of misfortune, longing and emptiness, and all those agonizing descriptions of endless waiting and failing to find my romantic match, I am thoroughly convinced now that I am really destined to live alone shockkks!!In my life, I met people. Yes, lots of them and of different kinds. But only few times that I was able to feel "that perfect moment". You know that strange stuff when you feel like you are being transported to a different world, the terrific feeling where you can see the other side of the universe, wonderful, lovely, magnificent, awesome! It's an intuition, an instinct. And could never be forced, it will just come.

It rarely happens in my life. But when it comes, I know it's genuine. Sad to say, with all those rare times that it came, none of it came to reality. Always at the wrong time.

Have you ever experience such thing that you seems too quite familiar
with the person even if you just encounter or meet him/her for the first
time? As if you feel extremely drawn? As if you are seeing incredible things at once?But is it love?How
would you really know it's finally true love?

You know that magical,
hard-to-explain thing when there's a little kick in the abdomen, when
there seems to be tiny bubbles of excitement floating in the air, when your day, no matter how ugly it is, can be filled with beautiful colors.

There
maybe some truth about the tale of Cinderella, it's love when the shoe
fits perfectly. It's love when everything you feel is just right, so
comfortable and good, when little things about that person that are so
insignificant to others seem fascinating to you, when it gives you so
much excitement through out the day that even a little action or by
seeing the name gives you a unique brush of joy and thrill.

Well, literally,
I am poisoned with the concept of fairytale...that someday prince charming will land in the
backyard like a shooting star...

But
life is a jungle with so many
crossroads and too may stopovers, stories that are hard to tell along
the way and by the time I reach the backyard...the prince is no
longer charming.

And the little magic fizzles.

Why
is it that every time I would feel that perfect moment suddenly an ugly truth always
takes on the way? Am I cursed? Is my life a big joke?

I've never been into a relationship ever since so I've this excitement floating inside my heart that one day, I could able to meet that special person whoever he is.

But well, sometimes life never spins the way we want it to be. Sometimes it leaves us no choice but to accept the quivering truth that not all we dreamed can be given.

Life can be so unfair at times.

When can I finally snag that beautiful "feel-the-moment" episode? Will it still come? Seems everyone is taken, everybody is no longer available.

For a moment, life
temporarily loses its flavor and love becomes an eternal quest...

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Oh yeah! So happy to be finally reunited with them
after almost a year of leaving my former job.

Back then my life in the university (my former employer) was so
clutter-free and visibly fine. I had lots of warm memories, beautiful
thoughts of friendship and wonderful bonding time. But it came to a point where I
had to make decisions and gave up the comfort and convenience of an easy life in Davao and seized opportunities in Manila. It was a hard decision but I got on with it.

I’ve been longing to
work in a multinational company to experience the real life in the business industry and
to see what’s beyond the border of theories I read in business books. Chances
are, if I would let the opportunity pass without even trying, I might spend the rest of my life in
regrets and “what ifs". My effort paid off and I was able to fulfill this "longing" eventually. Though I've no long term plans to stay in the industry as I really wanted to spend the rest of my life in writing, research and traveling, I felt so very blessed to be such opportunity.

Okay, so less than a year on…here I am, absorbing dust haha! Joke... absorbing the energy of the metropolis, the rigid lifestyle and adopting the fast-paced life. But I am happy and very fulfilled.\

Though I am very vocal of my
happiness and satisfaction living in the metropolis and working in a highly reputable multinational company, I
cannot deny the fact that I still miss my former colleagues in the University.
They are still the people I longed to be with and to share a laugh and talk with. So seeing them two weeks ago brought so much excitement. Felt so delighted to get reunited with them.

Last May 5, After their annual retreat in Tagaytay, I finally got a
chance to see some of them in a dinner sponsored by another former colleague,
Rowie Tagaan. Sweet memories gushed in and a different surge of excitement overflowed as they shared updates and other interesting stories about the workplace.

Dinner with former colleagues at Mr. Choi Restuarant

That was awesome! We only spent
few hours as it was getting late at night but the short moment was enough to reminisce my happy days in the university.

On the following day, May 6,
Maimai (Anna May Canoy) and Jun Amper, visited McKinley Hill, we had another
bonding moment for few minutes, had another round of good conversation and fun. I wanted to spend more hours with them but my time was very
limited since I wasn’t able to secure a vacation leave due to urgent
tasks in the project.

I missed those
moments of laughter! Maimai was one of my closest colleagues back then because we worked in the same campus and we've the same line of job. Jun was my contemporary joining the university and he was one of the people I mostly trusted in the school back then, I admired his unique dedication to his job.

Chillin with Maimai and Jun at Tokyo Cafe, Venice Piazza

But time was so short for us to have an extended bonding. I am very thankful to Maimai and Jun for taking enough time to come to McKinley Hill. It was a terrific day for me having seen them around. Thanks Maimai and Jun and the rest of the guys: Federick, John, Neil John, Norman and Danny. Hope to see you guys some other time.

May 16 was another great day!

So delighted to meet two of the
engineering faculty members I missed, Engr. Neil Capricho and Engr. Aylmer Sombilla. When I was still working in the university, I directly served the engineering program so I was extra close to the engineering faculty.

I
was on a PTO on that day so I was able to spend almost three hours with them over food and
lots of conversation, real, care-free chat that really made me so excited
throughout the day.

I missed them so much, I missed the fun, the moments where I have
to go to the faculty room and sit for a while and having fun talking to the
faculty and laughed on top of my lungs. Seeing Neil and Sir Aylmer again brought so many wonderful memories with the engineering program. I wished to spend more time with them but they were rushing to the airport for their flight back home.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Run and Rock event in the company and I loooooove my oh-so-cute singlet hahaha! But I did not run :-P, I just joined the fun at Zumba, love it because I was able to twitch around with my undiscovered hiphop moves lol!!

Just before leaving the event venue :-P

Girly girly stroll around BGC

It was my first time to see popular TV sportscaster, Anthony Suntay in person (he hosted the event) and got a chance to pose for a photo souvenir with him,haha! I used to watch him on TV so the experience of meeting him in person was truly exciting. 2013 Miss International titlist, Bea Rose Santiago, also graced the event.

Around 9:00 in the morning, the heat of the summer sun began to pinch hardly on my skin and I was sweating hard so I told my friend, Rowie Tagaan, whom I invited to the event, we should leave the area and chill at SM Aura.

We started walking along the 28th avenue, had a girly stroll along the way until we reached SM Aura :-D. We went directly to the fifth floor and looked around, posed for pics and had a good laugh together. At 10:30, we took an early lunch at a Chinese restaurant.

@ the Sky Garden of SM Aura

We went back to Boni at 1:00 PM and because I missed my cats, I rushed home to Caloocan at 2:00 and brought them foods!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I need to blog because I am pretty exhausted and pissed of with so many things.

You know no matter how fulfilled you are, no matter how blessed and lucky your life is, and even if you see the wonders of life in almost every corner of the world, bad things still creep in, there are still moments of frustrations and anger. I think this is what life is all about. Life is designed to be imperfect so that we will know how to balance our logic and emotions and learn how to map out plans.

And one of these imperfections is to meet uninteresting individuals, sometimes these people will make your day mentally agonizing and intolerable that sometimes you would wish you never meet them at all.

It's pretty distressing. Sometimes you would just hope time flew so fast and move to another situation.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

“I guess I could be pretty pissed off at times. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once...

and it's too much.

My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude

for every single moment of my stupid little life.

Oh yeah! Life is a wonderful gift from God and it should be cherished. There are so many reasons to be grateful. Though there are times that I am really reeling in disappointment but those were just passing moments. I just count the good things over the bad stuff.

You know when everyday you see and hear are the people you remotely detested, banging you with so many exhausting details in life, it will going to ruin your happy days, so the best thing is to dart your attention to other things/people (literally haha!) that provide you inspiration and hop in to "dreamland". It seems quite effective in combating distress.

You know I love fairytale and the concept of happy endings mesmerized me. Believing in fairytale is like watching a glittery star above the sky, as if the world stands still, as if you are living in a completely different land away from chaos.

The prospect of finding someone who could rescue me from emptiness and loneliness adds to this picture-perfect notion of happy ending, it pumps so much inspiration. Though I know life in reality is no fairytale, it's still a welcome respite to absorb the notion of it because it takes me away from distress and frustration, it temporarily stops tension in my life.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

....And the trouble that lays
with in it is that most people don’t actually recognize they have it because
they refuse to distinguish its poisonous presence in their system. Sometimes insecurity prompts them to bathe themselves
with so much pride and self-arrogance.

Insecurity is a creepy trait, it slowly kills
and ruins relationships eroding the possibility of fostering a warm friendship, it also hinders acquaintances to progress into deep
interpersonal encounters.

How would you know you’ve just
encountered insecure people?

It’s when they began showing
signs of self-centeredness, insisting to be given enough attention first before the others. When they become subjective with their criticism. It’s a dangerous sign of immaturity and it will
make the lives of the people within their premise very intolerable and
agonizing.

Insecure people are those who
never see goodness in the environment, what they see are the bad stuff more
than the pretty things, who always felt they are being taken for granted. They are the people who constantly racing with time to reach the
pedestal of power, who nurture envy and jealousy, who stuck too much
bitterness, resentment and all those defeating junks within their system.

It is quite disturbing when
someone is trying to squeeze your energy until you drop in exhaustion, pushing
your patience into the edge of the wall.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

The best recourse is
just close our eyes and think about life kindness and take a long deep breathe
and forget what we’ve been through the day, the clutters, the torment and the
annoying people. It’s best also to dart our focus to other rosy and inspiring
things in life rather than concentrate on the angst and disappointment, it will
just damage our idea of a beautiful day.

Life has a tipping point of plus
and minus in all aspects that is a fact. Bad days, good days, inspiration,
frustration, happiness, sadness, fulfillment, dissatisfaction, success and
failures, and it’s up to us how we will take it, the way we take it measures
the level of our maturity and the kind of wisdom we have stored in our system.
It determines how secure and grown up we are.

Each tipping point has its “in-between”,
which could not be viewed as a hindrance to growth but a grace to live by. It
might not be the thing we want to grasp at the moment but its significance has
some tremendous contribution to the development of our whole being.

Well just this past week, the
level of my maturity undergone a massive test and my patience was pushed to the
edge of the wall. The toxic, demanding week was pretty awful, insecure,
self-centered people became unbearable and the surrounding suddenly became
tormenting, no wonder the final day went ballistic, rarrr!! But towards the end of the day, the level of
my emotional maturity prevailed and I was able to view things logically.