When working with archetypal beings and states of consciousness one must remember a basic law of the universe, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. By meditating on this law, we can realize that every state of ecstasy will be followed with a state of <non> ecstasy. This law applies to much more than just the physical universe, it applies to our inner world and it’s rhythms as well.

In my personal life this includes artistic performances which are always followed by, and sometimes preceded by a state of frustration, anxiety or exhaustion. In the moment of performing, I am exalted, embodying the Muse herself, expressing the divine perfection of the universe with my artistic passion!

But there is a shadow cast by all that brilliant light, and it’s a dark shadow. As a Mistress this is also true. When I am playing with someone, and the energy is flowing well I am lifted up far beyond myself. When a submissive looks into my eyes, and sees their personal divinity-in-form, or even the perfect flowering of feminine power, I receive that energy and am changed by it. During the play I find myself in a completely altered state… and after that play, I am often lifted up for hours by the magick of the interchange. However, there is always a shadow state.

All of us humans (myself included) have an idealized personification of their perfect Master or Mistress, slave or sub, lover or partner. In the active fantasy life the perfect Other is experienced as being free of foolishness, endlessly playful and energetic, perfect in all ways, with a constantly hard cock or wet pussy. For those who are in the “lifestyle” these dreams die hard. We realize that our playmates, regardless of what otherworldly spirits they may express in their play-personality are actually human.

Not only are they human, but they often (like all of us) have repugnant flaws which must be accepted and understood in order to proceed in an intimate relationship of any kind.

By integrating this knowledge in our relationships we can offer compassion instead of judgement, and experience a deeper state of love than mere illusion or infatuation. Love is delightfully steeped in illusion. And thank goodness! Or no babies would be born! It is because of the mind’s amazing ability to project it’s desires and fears upon the outside world that we are able to experience the potent lessons which the universe has in store for us. When we fall in love we experience a rich brew of neurochemical juices, which act quite a lot like cocaine (which also acts on the brain’s dopamine centers). This rosy view of the Other allows us to let down our guard and risk ourselves in passion which has likely disappointed us before. But we do not have to do this unknowingly! I suggest that we revel in the state of neurochemical bliss, and enjoy the view of our Other as the savior of the known universe. But do so with knowing that there is a shadow to all that brilliance, and that the shadow has it’s own balancing perfection. We must allow for imperfections in others, as well as ourselves.

Truly, the most important sphere in which to offer compassion is for our own selves. Sadly, this is often the most difficult place to engage the heart and allow for the fluctuations of spirit which are so innate to the human state of being. It’s frustratingly easy to fall into the trap of judging ourselves for our lack of energy, focus, organization… When in fact these states are part of a cycle of experience, which endlessly rotates us between two extremes. Come to accept your own natural cycles, and schedule reasonably within them, and therefore avoid the self-recrimination that comes with being unable to fulfill your obligations.

Likewise it is difficult to accept that our submissives’ may express a less-than-perfect receptivity, pain tolerance or attentiveness to us. It’s easy to use these things as a reason for punishment… and fun, actually, to exploit a submissive’s actual shortcomings instead of some imaginary humiliating flaw. However, behind all games can flow a real and genuine love, and concern for the Other, no matter what role they may inhabit. If we interact with each other from the perspective that we are simultaneously exalted divine beings playing at a human experience, and mundane domesticated primates bearing unavoidable flaws, then we can come close to the truth of this incredible world we live in.

About the Author

MsSelinaMinx

Ms. Minx is a lifetime kinkster, with a passion for deep psychological play. She has been featured in numerous magazines and tv programs, including HBO’s Real Sex and Sex Bytes, Leg Show, , Instep, Reason, New Witch, Spheres, Gothic Beauty and Marquis. She has inspired photographic artists such as Eric Kroll, Michael Helms and Ken Marcus, and even had a book published about her exploits as a domina. As a sex educator she has spoken at local colleges on the subject of alternate sexuality, and at local high schools on the subject of female empowerment.