How to Move on From Divorce

Along with bereavement and redundancy, experts suggest that divorce is one of the most stressful and challenging life experiences that anyone can go through. Even if you were the one who initiated or wanted the divorce, the trauma and heart ache surrounding the breakdown of a marriage can still leave you feeling emotionally battered and bruised to the point where the thought of moving on and being happy again may seem like an impossible task. Luckily the cliché about time being a great healer is true and millions of women across the country do come through divorce far happier and stronger than before and go on to have happier lives and eventually new relationships. If you are recently divorced than here are some tips to help you start to move forward.

Give yourself time to heal

Even if you know a relationship is no longer making you happy, when it ends you are apt to still feel a certain kind of loss. Not just for the person but for their company, support and for the future plans that you had together. As with any loss, you need to come to terms with it and grieve for it accordingly in order to move on. The grieving process is different for everyone and for some people it can last for several months or even years but keep reminding yourself that the pain you are feeling, unpleasant as it is, is an essential step in the healing (and consequent moving on) process. Make sure that you enlist the support of family and friends during this time so that you can talk about you feelings and don’t feel isolated and alone.

Consider the positives

As you are coming to terms with a divorce it can be useful to consider the practical aspects of a single life. Take solace in the fact that you no longer have to tolerate things about the marriage that were making you unhappy. For example one of the major causes of divorce in the US is addiction and many women find their own lives, health and finances are totally thrown into turmoil as they try (generally unsuccessfully) to help an addicted partner. Breaking away from such a situation can relieve you of this heartbreaking stress and give you the opportunity put your own needs first for once in order to enjoy life more. This can be a very positive and liberating thought. Aside from this there are other practical lifestyle benefits of living a single life – not only will your physical and mental health improve but you can also be financially better off. Most importantly to consider though is the positive influence that it will have on any children in the relationship who will undoubtedly be better off with two separated, happy parents than two parents together who are at war. These sort of thoughts will reassure you that you have made the right decision to get divorced allowing you to press on to the next chapter of your life with no regrets.

Work on your self esteem

It is not uncommon for women who have just come through a divorce to feel as though they have somehow failed. This can have an impact on self confidence and leave them feeling unattractive, humiliated and generally blue. When your self esteem is down it can be difficult to get it back up again so try to be kind to yourself and don’t dwell on the past. If it wasn’t your fault don’t tell yourself it was. If it was your fault then learn to forgive yourself. Be proactive and strong by taking up new interests in order to set yourself new goals and make new achievements. Congratulate yourself accordingly and accept praise from others too. Exercise when you can – not only will this get your happy hormones flowing and leave you feeling both physically and mentally well, but it will give you a positive body image which will also help boost your self esteem and leave you feeling happier and motivated to move forward.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

We’ve already mentioned that grieving is an important part of moving on from a divorce but this isn’t always something you can cope with alone. Recognizing the difference between mourning the loss of a relationship and falling into depression is important so make sure that you keep friends and family close to you to support you during this and flag up any problems they may think you’re having with the moving on process. If you do not have an immediate circle of family and friends then consider joining a support group or seeking cognitive therapy or counselling from a professional. They will be able to help you work through your feelings which is essential in order to move forward without the emotional baggage that will plague you in later life. Don’t think that you have to do this alone.

Date….or don’t

When you suddenly become single again after a long marriage the thought of being alone or dating someone new can both be equally liberating ideas. Embrace your life alone which will undoubtedly offer you the opportunity to learn new things and develop new roles. Or, when you feel ready, begin to date again. This doesn’t mean searching for a new husband or even a new relationship, but enjoying the company of a new man can be a fun experience and a learning curve.

I have looked online for something like this for a while and now I feel like I’m not alone feeling hurt and alone in my late 40s being left and divorced by my husband for over 20 years. He honestly came up to me on a Sunday morning and said it just ain’t working out. Oh my my heart sank my stomach was sick, like all those years didn’t mean anything. Reading Divorced women online comforts me to know that I’m not alone going through a rollercoaster of so many hurtful brokenhearted and also angry emotions toward him to do this. I feel so abandoned by him.

Please understand you are not alone. I have been divorced now for 4 1/2 years after a 31 year marriage. Out of the blue I was told.. “I’m not happy, I’ve decided I want a divorce. no chance for reconcillation.” That was it. Literally out of the blue. Little did I know.. there was another woman who he is now married to. I am blessed with a loving family and friends, but the lonely times I am now having at 64.. are like a nightmare. Its hard to move on and no one that has not been there already, has no idea what you are going thru. Be strong.

My husband who I have been with for 31 years married for 25 has told me two days ago that he no longer loves me and is wanting a divorce. There was no warning our sex has been regularly and I am completely in shock over this.
His mother passed away 18 months ago and he bacame very depressed.he started a new job and is out with his new circle of friends weekly.which I have been fine with.he stopped kissing,holding hands and hugging a few years ago and I crave affection.I’m feeling so confused and saddened with this news.I don’t know what to do.
Lynne

Lynne, I feel you. The same thing happened to me very recently. What gets me is all the lies. Just be completely honest and cut me off so that I can live my own life. I’ve been financially and emotionally supporting him for 16 years. I have given up my career twice to make cross country moves with him. Now, that I have nothing, no career, no money, he decides he loves a young naive 23 years old GIRL. His career is finally taking off which is probably why he is feeling like a “man” and being with this young girls makes him feel vibrant again. It comforts me in knowing that he will get his karma. That what he thinks is love is only a mirage. She temporarily is filling this void. Once the smoke settles in, which most affairs do, he will wake up and regret that he has given up the best thing in his life for a brief moment of excitement. He has given up everything and in the end, he will lose everything. Girls, it is heartbreakingly hard. I am still going in and out of despair. But I am going to take this as my opportunity to be free and find self love and a new love that gives me everything that my ex couldn’t. I am open to new love. But now, I am completely against marriage. I don’t think marriage supports a woman’s identity. I will never be fooled again. I hope you all strength in this tough times. xx

I read your stories and I guess I am not alone. We lost both my parents, my husbands father and our 20 year old daughter all in a 1 1/2 years. I have been supporting him at our house while I have been staying and was taking care of my parents. After our daughter passed he was no where to be found. He defiantly has snapped and tells me he had never loved me he is head over hills with my best friend, who’s parents just passed as well. She wants nothing to do with him. He thinks she loves him and is waiting for me to say ok. I have spent a large part of my inheritance on him and his bills. I have tried to get him to mental health and he wouldn’t go. When he tells me he loves her and not me, I tell him good go live at her house. Am I obligated because he is my husband if 30 years, to support him and stand by him. If I do get him to finally go he will be homeless. Mental illness or not. It hurts. I feel after 30 years standing by his side he could have at least not sucked up all my money and could have helped me pack up these houses. I feel like there are two bricks in my heart. I lived a 30 year lie. It was just a joke to him.

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