Brand Rooney Gets A Boost

In a week when he let loose a foul mouthed tirade at the cameras after completing a hat trick against West Ham that saw him receive a 2 match ban and lose a megabucks contract with Coke, the controversial Scouser's pockets are to be lined again with the news that Barlscerg Super Lager have signed him up for the next 10 years.

The alcohol drinks giant announced yesterday that not only had Rooney been signed up on a £1 million a year contract, but that his SKY TV outburst actually clinched the deal.

Barlscerg Super's chief executive Daniel Liebstein explained :

"While Mr Rooney's occasional bad news stories have always ensured he's been on our radar for the last number of years, it was his impressive performance on April 6th that finally persuaded us that he was just the man to promote our product.

"Vein bulging, anger fuelled rants at inanimate objects (whether they be a camera or a letter box or even a lamp post)is the typical behaviour our regular customers display after 3 or 4 cans of Super Lager.

"That is the image we have and that is the image we want to perpetuate".

So our Wayne fitted the bill perfectly.

His future is secure.

Make grimbo's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Dallas, TX - Triple Crown winning horsie, American Pharoah, is reportedly getting a record-setting stud fee of over three million dollars from other mega-rich horse breeders, to jam its giant horse dong into their fillies, in an effort to produce the...

"Дайте мне все свои деньги", squeals local survey participant
Due to new surveys that have taken place in Russia FIFA has decided to relocate the 2018 World Cup to America. Russia has many activists and FIFA fears that enraged, violent Russian fan...

Wimbledon, London - "Playing on grass is my all-time favourite," World No 102 seed Dustin Brown chuckled as he explained how he'd wiped the floor with Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon's Center Court today.
With temperatures soring (sick) into the high 9...

Veteran salesman and champion failure Willy Loman broke the world record in the high-speed long distance mouth marathon.
From the start he was out the gate and into the fray, hard-knocking, pavement-pounding all the way to making marketing histor...

President of FIFA Sepp Blatter shits banknotes, it is claimed, in a new biography of his life. The Swiss football administrator goes to the gents, drops his trousers and his boxers, puckers his buttock cheeks, makes a loud grunting noise and literall...

With the transfer market offcially open a sensational transfer has just hit the headlines in the UK, Balotelli joins United!
Transfers between the arch rivals are very seldom and only an ancient Irish defender, Noel Cantwell, ever ventured between...

German footy legend, Basti Schweinsteiger, has joined Manchester United and the tabloids in the UK are having a fab day in the troughs attempting to poke a pig up the rear end!
His name translated into English is "Pigclimber'! Now established Shee...

Legendary former England, Leicester and Barcelona striker Gary Lineker has had enough of hilarious Twitterers reminding him of the time he crapped himself on the pitch during a group stage match versus the Republic of Ireland at the 1990 World Cup in...