Sunday, January 2, 2011

I haven't been blogging for a few reasons. First, the holidays have been brutal and it seems that brutal doesn't translate well into entertaining reading.

Second, I generally don't dive deep into my personal life here. There are a few people who read this and who know me and my life. The trouble with telling people that you write a blog is that sometimes you want to write about something but then you don't because you're afraid that somebody is going to read it and take it the wrong way or get their feelings hurt. Every time that I have tried to write something lately, I've stopped because it feels too personal and I don't want anybody to feel bad.

I'm done with that now. This is my blog. If you don't want to see what I have to say - don't read it.

Alrighty then...moving on.

Breakups, in general, are hard. Breakups during the holidays are worse than awful. Breaking up and then talking about reconciliation only to get your heart stomped on again during the holidays is practically unbearable. I don't recommend it.

But out of this unique experience has come a few minor, rather unentertaining observations. I apologize in advance for the uninspired nature of this post.

Observation No. 1 - Being a quality, attentive parent is nearly impossible when you are trying to survive a broken heart. It is assumed that to be a good parent, one has to shove all personal emotion aside. Kids are not stupid and are likely to notice when your eyes are swollen, there are tissue pieces stuck to your nose and you haven't showered in three days. Kids don't like that. So you push your emotion aside and try to throw all of your attention to your child. The result is a half-assed constantly on the verge of a break-down style of parenting. Or in my case, staring blankly at iCarly while my daughter tries in vain to engage me by filling me in on the finer plot points and calling that quality time.

She knows I'm a mess right now and I hate that. It's not fair.

I'm learning that this is a constant single-parent threat. A single non-parent person falls in love and then breaks up - only that person gets hurt. A single parent falls in love and then breaks up - the parent and child get hurt. No matter how careful you are. No matter how much you protect your kid. I'm learning that people without kids don't get that. It's too easy for a non-parent to compartmentalize the parent that they are dating from the child. The parent understands that it's an intractable package deal.

Observation No. 2 - The holidays were intended for couples - not single people. Every kiss may begin with Kay, but Kay can kiss my ass.

Observation No. 3 - Exercise really is the cure for what ails you. I learned that time on the treadmill with a chick-lit book on the iPad is time spent not being sad. I just have to learn how to time my workouts better. I keep walking in to the workout room right after Smelly Guy has left. Which sucks because then the next person that walks in thinks that I am the one who has generated this fabulous scent combination of sweat and ass. Eau de Smelly Guy can be detected on the elevator on the way back to my apartment an hour later. He's a gem.

Observation No. 4 - This whole instant movie Netflix thing on the Wii is AWESOME! How long has this been available?

All right. I realize that, like me, this is a big ol' mess so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. I have better stuff ahead...better writing, better life, better attitude.

My son and his wife separated the week before Thanksgiving. They have 2 kids together and there are two adult kids from her previous marriage. It's tough I know. I was divorced 31 years ago, when my kids were 6 and 7 and a half. on the bright side, I remarried 4 years later and have been for 27 years, so there is life after. Which is small comfort now, I know. Hugs to you. Keep your chin up. Things will get better.

Oh man, I SOOOOO know what you mean. Having remarried with my four girls, it was really challenging. Now that they're grown, I know they survived it okay, but the pain and heartache of the breakups that they watch and experience with you is difficult. The affect it has on everyone can't be denied, but it can be mitigated with lots of open communication and love and real quality time together when you can get and keep it together for a bit.

Many hugs, my friend. There are great things ahead of you and your kiddos.

Hang in there, Jane. I've been there . . . when my now ex was in the process of, well, I'll spare the details, but I was alone with the kids for long stretches of time and my parenting was not at its optimum level. It's rough on everyone, except the one doing the actual dumping.

I'm going to disagree with Ivan and say it does get better. But not right away, unfortunately.

I can't speak to the parenting stuff, but I know about the break-up part. Got a "Dear John" three days before Christmas in 1989. You know what? I met MY WIFE in February of 1990, and we've been together now 20 years.

Truly, hang in there. It may not be the best of worlds right at the moment, but everything getsa better. Count on it.

I managed to offend all of the adult women in my family in just one blog :) so, yep, been there, done that, bought the t shirt and had wrote anti-dumb people slogans on it. Thus offending pretty much the rest of my family :)Fun blog you have