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This section was my workspace for philosophy essays between July 2006 and April 2008.
I call this "Prehistoric Kilroy" because it gave me practice for more
disciplined essays in Kilroy Cafe.Also see my philophical blog and Twitter feed.

Issue #73, 1/21/2007

Responsibilities of the Victim

No matter how carefully we plan our lives, bad things are
going to happen. People close to us are going to die. We or
people we care about are going to get terrible diseases. We
are going to become the victims of crime or disfiguring
accidents. These things are not anomalies. They are part of
the normal course of life.

The chance of any one disaster happening is usually low, but
when you add up all the possible things that can go wrong,
you have to face reality: You are going to encounter some major
unanticipated catastrophes between now and the end of your life.
Are you ready for them?

Almost always, the tragedy was preventable. In retrospect,
there was usually something that you could have done to
avoid it, but the issue is moot now. You can't undo a
traffic accident or prevent a heart attack after it has
happened. You can only adapt to the new course of events
and find some sort of strength in it.

This isn't just an academic exercise, because an unexpected
disaster is bound to happen sooner than you think. When it
does, you are going to become a victim. It is useful to
decide right now what that means, before you are victimized,
so you are prepared for it.

In court, a lot of attention is given to "victim rights."
For example, the victim of a crime has a right to speak in
court prior to the perpetrator's sentencing. In practice,
these speeches usually have little impact on the sentence.
Their main function is to give the victim an opportunity to
vent. When someone has hurt someone else, the victim usually
wants "justice," which means an equal and opposite pain
afflicted on the other person.

There is a common theme that runs through most victim
statements: "Hang 'em high!" The victim usually calls for
maximum punishment, and it is very rare that one will ask
the court for leniency.

What is rarely talked about is "victim responsibility." This
is a whole different concept that may be hard to grasp at
first. A victim can't just be a victim and expect to
overcome the disaster. Within himself, he has to take
responsibility for the catastrophe, even if he didn't cause
it.

This doesn't mean that the perpetrator should get off the
hook. It means that regardless of the cause of the
disaster, the victim has to accept it as his own. Thereby,
he stops being a victim and starts being a captain. It is
the difference between being tossed around helplessly by a
storm and taking control of your ship and meeting the
challenge.

Victimhood is a disease that you have to escape from as quickly
as possible. If someone has chopped off two of your arms and
one of your legs, then you have to march ahead on your one
good leg and make the best of it. There may be prosecutors
and personal injury attorneys who will seek retribution and
compensation on your behalf. You can let them do their
thing, but seeking redress isn't your job. Your job is to
rebuild your life from here.

It is like the motto of the Six Million Dollar Man: "We can
rebuild him.... We can make him better than he was. Better,
stronger, faster."

The crisis must be seen as an opportunity, not a defeat.
You really have no choice in the matter.

With disaster comes responsibility. Even if you didn't
cause the event, you should act as though you did. Is it
your fault that you were crippled in a car accident? Maybe
or maybe not, but that's irrelevant now. It is now part of your
life, and you need to embrace it. You can let your
attorney seek compensation, but you are not going to sit
around and wait for the money to come in. If the only
movement you have is in your little finger, that's what
you've got to use, right now, to take control of your
universe.

It is natural for you to become an advocate for whatever
issue it is that hurt you, but you are not seeking revenge; you are
simply seeking to share your knowledge. If your child has
muscular dystrophy, then you are going to understand
certain aspects of this disease better than anyone who reads
about it in books. Disasters have a way of turning you
into an expert. Seeking knowledge is best way of dealing with any
crisis, and once you have this gift, it is usually something
that you want to share. Because you have directly
experienced the problem and have personally felt its
emotional effects, you may be better equipped than anyone to
describe and address it.

It may not be your fault that the disaster happened, but it
is your fault if you fall into victimhood and deny your
responsibility. Lots of us have to deal with things that
aren't our fault, like the families we were born into or the
place on earth where we got dropped. That doesn't make them any
less our responsibility.

Even the person who did this to us is our responsibility.
By virtue of being their victim, we have some power over
them and bear some burden for their fate. This is especially
true when we stand in court at their sentencing.

"Hang 'em high!" is not a terribly useful emotion. No
matter how wronged you were, you are now in a leadership
position where you must decide the future. Certainly it is
important to take a dangerous person off the street and
assure that a similar disaster doesn't happen again. As a
victim, it is your responsibility to prevent a repeat
performance. There isn't any benefit, however, in
revenge.

Causing pain to the person who caused you pain doesn't
accomplish anything in itself. It doesn't undo the
crime. Focussing on this kind of redress doesn't help
you, either. "He who seeks revenge must dig two graves."

When disaster befalls you, you must become the master of it,
the leader. You will tell others what to think and do
about it. You will be responsible for seeking a correction, but
not retribution.

You will rise above the crisis and become stronger, smarter
and more compassionate. No matter what happens, you will use
it as a tool to become better than you were.

—G.C.

Reader Comments

“Excellent!”
—Joe in NY 1/21/07 (rating=5)

“Superb! I think we should ALL teach this to our children!”
—psmflowerlady 1/22/07 (rating=5)