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Brian Griffin Quotes

Brian: What the hell? Are you listening to Anne Murray?Stewie: Uh, I am experiencing Anne Murray.Brian: Why? That music is complete crap.Stewie: Um, excuse me?Brian: It's all this vapid, overproduced tripe, it has no edge whatsoever.

Lois: Are you and Glenn thinking about children?Charmese: Unfortunately, I can't have children.Lois: Oh. Menopause?Charmese: No, I got knifed in the vagina one Christmas.Brian: Oh, the holidays are always stressful.

Brian: I think, I think we're launching!Lois: Oh my god, everyone strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand.Stewie: No thanks, I prefer to die giving you the finger.Peter: If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.

Brian: (as Robbie) I think I might hang out in the town square. I hear an oracle from Greece is sending a funny message and I wanna be there when it arrives.Messenger: (running in and gasping for air) Penis.Brian: Heh.

Peter: (as Joseph) Oh my God, look at that body. Can't you just imagine her standing on people's front lawns inside a cut-in-half bathtub?Brian: (as Robbie) You should go talk to her and see if she can talk.

Meg: I can only imaging what it was like for them on that very first Christmas.Brian: Yeah, it was probably very moving. And fictional.Stewie: Jesus lived with us for like a week, what else do you need?

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Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it- (Vader begins choking him with the Force)Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.