About this site

Hey. I’m Matt Ruby (matt@mruby.com). I live in Brooklyn and I'm a standup comedian and the creator of Vooza, a video comic strip about the tech world. This is Sandpaper Suit, a comedy blog about standup, filmmaking, and whatever else I feel like talking about. Established 2006. Phew, that's a while.

Sure Domino's, I'd love to be in your focus group. What's that? This focus group takes place in the middle of 12 acres of tomatoes? Well, that makes sense. Nothing suspicious there. After all, doing focus groups in a city is the kind of thing the OLD Dominos would do. So sure, let's drive three hours away to this shack on a tomato farm which is a very typical place for a focus group to take place.

Ooh, that's an interesting question. Do I think I have a right to know where Domino's ingredients come from? I do think that! I was just telling my friend the other day...AAAAAAAH! IT'S SOME KIND OF EARTHQUAKE! THE WALLS ARE CRUMBLING!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. HUG ME...Wait a minute. What? Seriously? You mean, oh my goodness...we're NOT going to die? We're just going to stroll through a field of tomatoes that are used to make your tomato sauce that is in no way actually manufactured by scientists in a laboratory in New Jersey? Oh, Domino's. You are so mischievous! Lucky for you, I am playful too.

So what are you going to with all this footage? An ad campaign? Exciting! Do you have a clever tagline yet? Lay it on me. "Domino's Pizza - Oh Yes We Did." Wow, that feels fresh. I'll play along: "Oh no you di'int!" But you did! This is fun. I feel just like a sassy black lady from 1997.

You should definitely keep going down this path of clever wordplay that uses urban catchphrases from the last century. After all, nothing makes white people more comfortable than saying things that black people stopped saying a decade ago. You could do "Domino's Pizza - Talk To The Hand." Y'know, 'cuz the pepperoni ain't listenin'. Ha! Or offer a new sausage pizza and say, "Domino's Pizza - Gettin' Piggy With It." That Will Smith is a hoot, isn't he? Or wait, I think I've got it: "Domino's Pizza - Don't Go There."