Sunday, December 25, 2011

5 ways to ruin Christmas for Everyone. And a Happy X-mas to you too.

See what i did there. I said X-mas instead of Christmas in hopes that i make people mad.

Obviously I have no opinion either way because people can say whatever they want in Merica. Christmas. X-mas. Holiday. Santaday. Greedychildrenday. Whatever.

Since i no longer have christmas with tiny children, i get to sleep in. Naturally instead of sleeping, i wake up and write this little thing. Merry Christmas to me.

Last night, my brother and i were discussing how we could ruin christmas for the whole family. It was a lively conversation and we came up with some really good things. Actually we came up with one thing. The rest i’m going to come up with off the top of my head.

After everyone goes to bed, open all of the presents and put them in neat individual piles. . . . . And take down all the Christmas lights. This is best done with smaller children as they will most definitely cry.

I think anything that has to do with you being naked in living room when everyone wakes up would probably make for an uncomfortable morning.

I hate being crass (i don’t), however this definitely has the potential to ruin Christmas. 4 words: “Dick in a box”. Mom, notice i put it in quotes. That makes it ok.

*This one is my personal favorite* I’m going to get a little descriptive with this so that those who can relate will enjoy it. Imagine getting up at 3 in the morning. Creeping downstairs. Grabbing your Stihl 460, starting it, then pinning the throttle, rapping it out. raaaap raaaaaaaaaaap. (after it warms up of course). Awesome. Now imagine the looks on your siblings’ faces when they wake up, come downstairs and see you finishing up your face cut on their Christmas tree. Priceless. Now imagine their faces when you shout “back cut!!!! Tree coming down, towards the stairs”, finish your back cut and walk away, cool as a cucumber.

I’d imagine that cooking meth, instead of breakfast, would be an easy way to ruin christmas.