Thinking Aloud on the Journey…

Silence Not a Virtue

I’m still wondering: Why did publication of the article, “Child Abuse” (an original post of ezerwoman), bring an angry response from a Christian author on “sexuality?” Might this response be similar to the response of a woman angered by her pastor’s pro-life sermon? Pro-life pastors have learned by experience that when they speak God’s Word on abortion, it’s not unusual for a woman to respond in anger because she is either in denial over a past abortion or maintaining a defensive posture.

For many years, I’ve been made aware of certain choices, behaviors, defensive reactions (i.e. “abortion is the lesser of two evils”), and cover-ups within my own church. Indeed, we are “saints and sinners,” but can we encourage the “saint” without calling to accountability the “sinner”?

Silence is not a virtue, not when virtue itself is being mocked. Disrobed. Stolen away.

Why would concerns about protecting virtue and modesty cause anger? Why would someone take offense when others caution against breaking down naturally protective inhibitions, or putting children in harm’s way with too much information too soon (and then expecting them to “wait”), or raising curiosity about all kinds of “sex,” or borrowing tools and techniques from non-Biblical models, or choosing the word “sex” to describe the subject matter rather than “purity”? To bring clarity, I’ve been digging out old phone logs, journals, scribbled notes, research papers, and stories from pastors, teachers, parents, and students I’ve met along the journey. We are in a marriage-breaking, family-fracturing, child-hurting, soul-risking mess. I wish I could word it better, but simply put: I’ve seen too much on my “watch.” And… there is a shameful lack of accountability.

Bearing that in mind, I’m further determined to hold myself accountable. First to my Savior and, next, to those who put their trust in Him rather than human opinion. Dealing with sensitive and difficult issues, even finding myself in conflict with well-meaning Christians, requires the good counsel of wisdom. I make a practice of running my thoughts by my husband because I need his logic and practical sense. He has a “three day rule.” Give major decisions or responses three days. Write the letter. Make the phone call. Speak up… but, when possible, only after three days. In addition to my husband, I seek the counsel of a core group of pastors I’ve come to trust over the years. I seek the counsel of wise women who properly understand the role of “ezer.” By surrounding myself with a group of people who have also seen Christians build on the wrong foundation when it comes to “sexuality” — and then witnessed the consequences and mourned with hurting people — I hope to be faithfully encouraged to the highest standard. The standard of God’s Word. The Word that exhorts us to “speak up” when wrong things are happening and human lives are at risk.

Silence is not a virtue. That’s what a woman told me following a Titus 2 Retreat. She explained years of childhood sexual abuse that led to promiscuity, abortion, and despair. She wanted the cover-up to stop.

Silence is not a virtue. That’s what several men and women told me when thirty years of sexual abuse of children by their Christian school principal came to light. They wanted the cover-up to stop.

Silence is not a virtue. That’s what a young woman told me after being encouraged by Christian parents to date older, more “experienced” men. When she became pregnant by an “experienced” man, money was handed over for an abortion so that the daughter “wouldn’t have her life ruined.” She wanted the cover-up to stop.

Silence is not a virtue. That’s what a Christian youth director told me after marrying his Christian sweetheart. But, because both had learned about sex early and encouraged to be open about their “sexuality,” each had bonded to several others before the youth director and his sweetheart married. The marriage was troubled for a long, long time. He wanted the cover-up to stop.

Silence is not a virtue. That’s what an older woman told me who admitted that, for years, she was taught to be comfortable with her body, her “sexuality.” In boy/girl classrooms, inhibitions were stripped away. Seeing herself as a “sexual” person, she played the “game.” When she captured a man’s attention and certain expectations followed, she grieved her loss of innocence. She wanted the cover-up to stop.

Silence is not a virtue. In a few short years and close proximity, four pastors within my Christian denomination apparently saw themselves as “sexual persons” with a “need” to act out their “sexuality” rather than as human persons created by God to live as men under Christ’s robe of righteousness. One openly embraced his homosexuality, left my church body, and became an Episcopalian priest. Another was charged and arrested for “lascivious acts with a minor and third degree sexual abuse.” Two more were caught in a prostitution sting, one of them the former pastor of my home congregation. Is the response to this: “Forgive me! Love me! Let’s go on with life”? Or, do we want the cover-up to stop?

Christians may think they are different from the world when Jesus is wrapped around everything we say and do. But — you’ve heard me say it many times — Jesus does not wrap Himself around worldly things. Christians may believe they are helping others toward a brighter future. But, if they’re using styles and techniques learned from any source other than God’s Word, then the outcome will have undesirable consequences. God brought to Adam and Eve new emotions of embarrassment and shame with their nakedness and sin. He covered that embarrassment with clothing and that shame with Jesus’ robe of righteousness. We must honor that covering, even when a modern sex educator insists: “No need for modesty! Don’t be embarrassed! Be comfortable in your glory!”

When we see bad things happening and people being confused, hurt or — most tragic of all — tempted away from the Father God, we cannot be silent.

6 Responses

Keep speaking the truth in love, Linda. I have read the article you are speaking of over and over – the only controversy I see is that the Devil wants silence to win. He always does. You have never been called to be silent 🙂 Follow the Lord’s path set for you. We need your voice.

Was the sex ed article a controversy within the prolife group? I think you are spot on! I have started to ask myself the question “does the world like this idea, action, saying, teaching, etc?” when a “controversial” or “uneasy” topic comes up. If the world DOES love said topic, then it probably IS evil. And silence about topics such as these is wrong as well (I am guilty of this for sure!) The world LOVES sex ed, therefore my Creator does not! I’m glad you made people mad, it should. People are probably just feeling like they are getting called on something they aren’t taking a big enough stance on. The biggest “thing” I took from my “Ezer Retreat” in the summer of 2010, which I was SO privileged to be a part of, was opening my eyes to how culture/the WORLD has affected my own thoughts/behaviors WAY TOO MUCH. Many well-meaning Christians are being snowballed into NOT questioning everything from just spending enough time at home with their kids/spouse to actually thinking sex ed is normal. It is NOT normal, it is absolutely disgusting.

We need to question-question-question EVERYTHING! Does this make sense? Would my Father in Heaven approve of this? HE is the one who cares the most for us! Not a teacher, not a co-worker, not a boss, not a popular person in town, not your friends.

Have not been here for a while and read this article. Was impressed. You are correct. I especially liked where you said
“Christians may think they are different from the world when Jesus is wrapped around everything we say and do. But — you’ve heard me say it many times — Jesus does not wrap Himself around worldly things. Christians may believe they are helping others toward a brighter future. But, if they’re using styles and techniques learned from any source other than God’s Word, then the outcome will have undesirable consequences.”
That is true in every area of life; our worship, and life’s practice.
Thanks for the courage.
T.A.

Silence is indeed not a virtue when God’s Word is being put in a state of compromise. As a pastor recently departed from the ELCA I know about this. I was told by synod leaders that it was ok for me to not be in favor of the unbiblical positions taken by the ELCA at their 2009 churchwide assembly (how generous of them) but it became clear pretty early on that life would be difficult for those who would not be silent. But I could not be silent. I was asked to resign by my congregation. A year later I am in a new congregation in a new church-body, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. There was that voice in my head that said “Just be quiet.” “Don’t make waves.” But I couldn’t. You are so right in saying that there is more to being different from the world than just wrapping Jesus around worldly values. Sadly this is what the ELCA and many other church-bodies seem to be doing.

Steve…
It is a choice, isn’t it? The world or The Word. Our definition of “right” and “wrong,” or God’s. Fellowship with foolisness, or with Wisdom (Christ Jesus). You have listened to Wisdom, Steve, but I can’t begin to comprehend how difficult your journey has been. May Wisdom — and anticipation of His second coming — carry you through the days ahead.