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July 26, 2009

This wedding march to Chris Brown's "Forever" has been making headlines this week - rivaling the famous Brubaker first dance from last summer. You only need to watch the first few minutes, turns out "Forever" is exceedingly long when you're watching awkward midwesterners dance down the aisle.

All I have to say is that I'm now feeling incredible pressure to incorporate a bad R&B or rap song in to my future wedding. Wherever the future Mr. Wilkins is, I hope he's already started thinking about this.

(Sidenote - the best part of the Brubaker's Wedding Dance was when I saw them interviewed on some talk show. The husband goes, "I was at my wedding, and I should have been enjoying every minute of it - instead I was in the bathroom alone stressing out and practicing "The Spank"...)

July 23, 2009

Just in case you've forgotten who I am - I'll do a quick recap of our fledgling relationship:

1)
January 2009 - Caps/Red Wings - OV Scores, Caps Win. We hit it off -
like honey bunches and oats. You enjoy my company more than the company
of your then boyfriend. Was it flirtation? A mutual love of hockey? The
innocence of one of us being attached? I was stymied.

2) May
2009 - After ensuing break-up with said boyfriend, we rendezvous for
appys and spirits. More chemistry. More larfs. More ball breaking. Slew
and Abby sabotage the courting and you press the eject button before I
can call in Mariano to seal the deal.

3) Later May 2009 - The
facebook debacle. How sketchy is this? Does you appreciate rich email
banter? The Response: blow off or genuine rain check? The question is
debated for days by the Robert H. Smith class of 2010. Everyone but
Scooter: Blow off. Scooter: Genuine rain check.

4) June 2009 - Crickets...

I
guess what I'm trying to say is that I heard there's a Bloggers
convention in Chi-town in late July. If true, you gonna be bringing
your A-game? The Nati is in for a weekend tilt with the
Cubbies and I'd like to pencil you in for Saturday. Cubbies, Old
Styles, cute farm girls. Could be a little bit glorious.

Also,
continue taking your time sending me your contact information. I'm down
in the Thick Stuff on loan and not back in DC till summer's end.

So, yes Scott. I will go on a date with you. And I'm making it public so that you can brag about your analytic superiority to your entire business school class, who seems deeply invested in this situation. Victory is sweet, is it not?

I thought I'd ease back in to it with a totally random, irrelevant post. So, with that I give you the two best text messages I've received in the last few days. Not only were these hilarious, but they gave me an excuse to use the under utilized screen shot feature on my iPhone. Thanks Steve.

April 17, 2009

The news that Ashton Kutcher hit 1,000,000 followers last night was followed by another historic Twitter moment today - the entry of Oprah into the Twitterverse.

Within 24 hours Oprah has amassed 160,000 followers - half of whom I think we can safely assume are house wives who have no idea what's going on but would follow Oprah across the Artic tundra if directed. I think we've jumped the shark.

However! My bitter slash amused reaction to all this celebrity induced hoopula was shifted to 100% amused when I saw this...

The winning entry was NightPeeps by Melissa Harvey of Arlington. "A gorgeous
re-imagination of Edward Hopper's famous painting "Nighthawks" won the
hearts of the Style staff in a landslide vote. "I wanted to re - create
the bleak urban landscape and the fluorescent light, and add a little
pink and yellow," says Harvey, 44, a graphic designer for WETA who
spent 45 hours over two weekends on the diorama."

I highly recommend perusing all 40 entries - a few of my favorites below. Clearly they are the asshole dioramas that you need a slightly sick sense of humor to enjoy...

Miracle on the HudsonPeeptanamo Bay(Note the poor peep being waterboarded in the background...)

March 07, 2009

...that the urge to take ridiculous photos, especially while traveling in China, is a dominant recessive gene in my family. I'm proud to come from a long line of exhibitionist smart asses with a penchant for international travel.

February 21, 2009

Growing up and going to college in the frigid North I was totally accustomed to "winter" equaling approximately 5 months of snow. More importantly, that snow didn't really slow anyone down. 1 foot over night? Dig yourself out and get your ass to work.

In Washington, DC it is a whole other story. In addition to the fact that people truly and honestly can't drive in inclement weather and schools get canceled when there is merely a forecast for a few inches, I have noticed that people have this bizarre desire to try to break the icy surface of the city's waterways.

What do I mean? Check out this picture of the C&O Canal in Georgetown. Yes, that would be a freaking shopping cart that someone threw onto the ice in an attempt to break it. And, you are correct that those are half a dozen bricks (PRIED FROM THE COBBLED SIDEWALKS) scattered around it. Apparently I live in a city of 10 year old boys.

January 22, 2009

Just came across this photo that is too epic not to share. Every summer a group of us gather on the shores of Gull Lake in Michigan for an extended weekend of ridiculousness. This year we had an 80's Party aboard the beautiful Lady Gulldiva pleasure cruiser.

However, as you can see, when throwing an "80's Party" it is apparently necessary to clarify the desired CENTURY of reference, lest you leave the door open for asshats like my friend Tom.

My faithful readers may recall this is the same crew that rocked Edward 40 Hands two years ago... again I maintain there is no way to look classy when holding a 40.

January 05, 2009

Suddenly it seems the world has caught Snuggie fever. If you don't know what I'm talking about you probably didn't spend one nanosecond watching TV over the holidays. The Snuggie is "a blanket with sleeves" made from "super soft, thick, luxurious fleece" which, based on the commercials, will allow you to stay warm while doing virtually anything in or out of home. Watch minute 1:07 for some classic shots of people wearing Snuggies in public.

So
I think we can all see plainly that this is just a backwards fleece bathrobe, and that you would never, under any circumstances, wear it in public. (Unless of course, someone at your neighborhood bar had recently purchased one for $19.95, receiving the second Snuggie as well as 2 book lights absolutely free....)