Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I’m hearing tearful voices over the phone and seeing happy faces at times these days. But the shock is overwhelming indeed. They cannot believe what’s happening now. Tens of thousands of dollars are being neglected by a proud guy and that guy is me.

Behaviors have changed in order to sweeten the bitterness of our short co-existance. I’m receiving plentiful of messages of friendship from my “regretful” foes: “please re-visit your decision and be patient a bit more… Everything is going to change”.

The management is keen to see me and is offering me new job opportunities, paving my way to climb up the dig they’d dug for me before.

How can I translate my present feeling of annoyance to them? Tajik Service and a service to Tajik people were only causes I joined them in Prague. I saw something I could never imagine before and I’m happy I did it.

Now it’s time to pick up my stuff and sing a farewell song: “Vaqteshe, vaqteshe, raftan vaqteshe, Vaqteshe, az to gozashtan vaqteshe.” They have never witnessed a similar scene of having enough of their crap and leaving, just leaving without being kicked out. Just leaving, because they seem too miserable and intolerable. Just because the meaning of their lives have turned green as on dollar banknotes. Just because human nature has encountered a real catastrophe among this bunch of beings. Just because you want to have some fresh air in your lungs you’ve been waiting for ages… By the way, my lungs are cleaner now, free of fag pollution deep inside.

Yeah, I quit smoking just now, when I really need some pollution deep inside to make me feel dirty and momentarily joyful for a while… But I got some faces to bear in my mind and heart: Massi the Just, Taher the Sufferer, Rasul the Beginner, Salim the Doubtful, Saidqasem the Worried. I love all of them and will remain with them as long as my lungs are still functioning. I started spitting blood lately though and don’t think I possess a couple of healthy lungs anymore.

Anyway, another chapter is over. Another fight is fought. Another laughter is laughed. Another tear is dropped. Another page is turned and it’s me again with my beloved ones heading to a new destination. At the end of the day, that planet in the picture belongs to us. Let's explore it!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Few days ago I got back from my boring night shift early in the morning and obviously could not go to bed straight away; sunrays were too beautiful to ignore. Opened my lap-top and started chatting with Esfandiar in Dushanbe who was trying to begin his working day, but found himself under numerous annoying questions of a sleepless buddy far away in Prague.

Apparently he had talked to a couple of Social Democrats about the 2003 Constitutional Amendments and their impact on the incumbent president. He opened my eyes to a terrific fact that visibly demonstrates illegitimacy of Emamali Rahmanov’s candidacy in the forth-coming election.

We had talked about it with Rahmatollah Zaerov (the leader of Social Democrats) so many times before at the BBC, but his answers were too vague to clarify what was happening indeed. But I knew that Zaerov’s position had shaken up the government on those days. It was a couple of years ago. Zaerov was widely ignored by the local media and the government; he himself finished up at a hospital bed with a stroke. However, after I started studying the case with Esfandiar’s help, a horrible picture started unfolding:

Following a national referendum in Tajikistan in 2003, where we were supposed to approve or disapprove 56 constitutional changes at once, it was announced that Emamali Rahmanov had been allowed to run for another two terms – in 2006 and 2013. But there is a chapter called “Transitional regulations” at the bottom of the very Constitutional Amendments and one of its paragraphs reads (word by word):

“3. Presidential elections for two successive terms, stipulated by fourth part of Principle 65, begin upon termination of powers of the operating President.”

That means Rahmanov is not allowed to run for another term until his presidential powers are in force. Question: When do they terminate actually, these “presidential powers”? Principle 67 of the Tajik Constitution sheds some light:

“Powers of the President terminate after the swearing-in of the new president-elect.”

That means the amendments do not have the force of law until Rahmanov is in power. And he has to step down only after a new president swears into office. Inevitably a new president has to be chosen first, before Rahmanov leaves. He’s served two presidential terms already and has no right to run for president again.

Today Rahmatollah Zaerov stipulated his allegations for me again. Before him Shakerjan Hakimov was telling me the same. However, OSCE’s first interim report on Tajik presidential election (12 October 2006) tells us something else:

“As a result of this referendum (2003), the current president – first elected president in 1994 and re-elected in 1999 – is allowed to run for another two terms in 2006 and 2013.”

I gave a call to Urdur Gunnarsdottir, OSCE/ODIHR’s spokesperson in Warsaw and shared with her Tajik opposition’s concern over the legitimacy of Rahmanov’s candidacy. She had to look for some appropriate words to answer and finally she said: “OSCE is not a court and will not be issuing legal verdicts; if there is a legal problem in different interpretations of the law, the question must be considered by a court.”

While Zaerov and Hakimov say, there is no independent court in Tajikistan and the issue could be put on UN’s desk only. Zaerov intends to do it after the election, if his shaky health condition would allow him.

Now I need an international lawyer who could give me an unbiased expert view to scrutinize this ostensibly appalling breach of law on higher levels.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I can feel the tide approaching my way to turn my world upside down again. Don’t worry, that’s what I wanted. When you are sitting on your head and somebody chooses to put you back on your feet - that’s a good feeling. I’m dying to announce my next crazy decision and get rid of my today.

I never could be settled into a routine existence and why now should be an exception?

Tahmine who got used to my abrupt surprise announcements didn’t even bother herself to open her falling eyelids a bit wider at least to pretend that she was slightly astonished. She tried though, but in a second yawned at me and left to bed muttering upon her nose: “Let me think in the morning about your next crazy decision.”

I sat down in front of my lap-top, moved my shoulders under Radio Zamaneh music and thought I was really right: enough of loafing around! It’s time to get back to my own self and do something adventurous again. I will be loaded with a burden of problems, of course. But tell me, who hasn’t them?

Another cheering happening was my nephew Payman’s successful 12.5-hour-operation on his heart. A long-awaited operation followed by 10 days of Payman’s comatose situation in Moscow. The day before yesterday he answered his phone himself with a feeble but joyful voice and made me gasp for some air and sound emotional like a kid.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Today I watched Tajik TV, the first TV channel of a country just 20 days away from presidential elections. No, I’m not going to lash them due to the lack of relevant pieces. Actually some election tapes were rolling, but believe me, they were incredibly laughable: a long-haired lady in pink was looking straight into the camera and asking an unimaginable question: “Who doesn’t know Olim Boboev? I believe almost everyone in the country knows this noble man and my vote will go for him!” And I felt hopelessly stupid… A crusty man was assuring his interviewer that the Communist candidate (Ismail Talbakov) was the most suitable person to run the country: “Just because… hmm… just because I like him.” Cool reasoning!

But the main tape (a very long one) was played just before these bites: the glorious incumbent president marching with his huge team of supporters across Qumsangir and shocking people all around him with his scary self-important smile surgeries. An old lady was trembling in front of the camera: “Can you imagine? Our esteemed President Rahmanov asked me about my life! Of course, I’m gonna vote for him!” I hope she’ll live up to the vote on October 6.

That means Tajikistan has learnt how to mock at democracy too just like the US.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I know what I lack these days and what is casting such a gloomy shade over my blog: I miss my friends. Perhaps everybody has got this kind of desperate need to have a friend beside. And I had them always and everywhere except for here. Here, miraculous change in peoples’ natures astonishes you.

My happiness bubbled over when I stupidly imagined that I could turn them into my friends too, since cannot see any use in hatred. It was too late when I realized they are competing with each other for playing off the rest of the team against me. I wonder if I’m sacrificing my precious years for my childish persistence to keep the ball rolling in our direction with no imagination that one day I might keel over and break my neck.

I’m just sitting there and doing my job, but my body senses enormous pressure of the room bristling with loathe. As soon as I turn my face and look at them to say something I start melting from the heat of their dazzling Julia-Roberts-smiles. Then I childishly feel happy again: cool, all the hatred is out of their hearts now!.. Before I finish my happy thought… boom! Another blow to take that obliges me to give another blow back.

I don’t know why they should see a fearful scarecrow in me. The other day Sajede told me: “They don’t like newcomers to show off”. Perhaps she was trying to give me a hint to curb myself and behave like others and follow their suit. But this one is over my power indeed, since I have never evened myself with others and this is the last place worthwhile to do so.

I know I’m loosing my hair down too much lately, but this is because I want to stamp out all my pathetic feelings here and go back to work with my head held high capable to lavish my smile around to make them bite their nails with greater effort. Before a shiny sincere smile of a friend could do this job. Now I gotta groan to soothe the pain and face them again.

But still, I’m happy to know that this world is a place for some beautiful beings I am craving for.

PS. I promise not to moan again and cheer up this moody blog with more optimism for my friends' sake.