Relationship advice for Western Men and Thai Women

Tag: the thai wife yes ok

Greng Jai is a practice that Thai people use in every day life. It can be very confusing for Western people..here is a brief explanation:

“Greng Jai” will leave many Westerners (Farang) a bit confused and not knowing what is right to do or not. This cultural habit is born out of Thai’s preference for politeness and dislike for direct confrontation. This could be partly because of Thai Buddhist culture as we are taught that confrontation is wrong.

When faced with a choice Thai wives ( NOTE Greng Jai is not exclusive to women, it applies to thai men as well…it really is part of Thai character) will not always say directly what they want or what they mean. Very often it is because they do not wish to upset their partner by denying them their wish or by choosing something they may not be happy with. They may also prefer not to talk about something that can cause conflict and confrontation and so will find a way to avoid it if possible.

This does not mean they are dishonest or will lie and should not be confused with that. Of course there will always be those who will take it to the extreme or use it to their own advantage.

It can be very frustrating because unlike westerners both men and women who are much more direct in these matters, they would rather take the middle road approach and not upset and so for Western men in a relationship with a Thai woman it can seem as though she avoids difficult situations and conversations, her true feelings or thoughts may come out later on in bits and pieces and this can seem like she was holding back..which of course she was but not for the reasons westerners think.

This is where Thai culture and Western culture differ greatly and it is one thing that has proved to be difficult to get along with in relationships between westerners and Thai with many westerners taking the view that Thai people use it as an excuse. What you might find funny is that “Greng Jai” can often be as frustrating for Thai people as for Westerners! So we do understand the frustration it can cause.

Here is an example for you:

Husband says:Darling would you like to go out for dinner tonight, maybe for Italian, chinese or Indian food.Thai wife says:Yes ok.Husband say:Which one would you preferThai wife:Hmmm…It’s Up to youHusband thinks:Why not just choose one

At the restaraunt…Chinese, which the husband chose !!
Thai wife is eating her meal with the feeling of being unhapy, as though she has been commanded to eat.Husband says:Is everything ok darling?Thai Wife says:Yes.Back home later…

Thai Girlfriend Advisor

by Angella

So you have had a beautiful Thai girlfriend for a while and she is everything you could ever hope for in a woman because she is sweet, loving, beautiful, she cares for you and looks after you in a way you could only have dreamed of before.

And now you feel you have made the decision to make her your Thai wife and ask her to marry you.

You are fairly confident she will say yes because you are both so happy with each other and feel so much in love, it’s a beautiful thing and you can both only see a wonderful future together when she becomes your Thai wife and you live together.

Well, yes this is all very possible but there are a few things you should be ready for that will help make the wonderful life you hope for a reality and not full of misunderstandings and disappointment.

Thai wife = the “Yes” wife! There is a lot of comments made by Western men about their Thai wives that they never say exactly what they want, that they just say “Yes” or “Ok” all the time. Thai people call this “Greng Jai“ which basically means not wanting to upset and it can be extremely confusing and frustrating for western men because it can seem like they are hiding or do not want to be open. Nothing could be further from the truth, the reality is that it is part of Thai culture.

Expect your kitchen to radically change!!! Food and cooking is deeply ingrained in Thai culture and your Thai wife is unlikely to be an exception. Don’t expect her to change her diet to a western diet just because she lies in the West. She will seek out all the foods she wants to eat and will soon have your kitchen converted from a nice tidy and minimalist Western man’s kitchen to a bustling, vibrant Asian kitchen with bottles of sauce and herbs you have never even heard of!! She will eat rice, fish and noodles for breakfast and almost everything will be spicy hot. This is her way and the best thing you can do is just accept and enjoy the experience of some of the most amazing culinary delights on the planet. ……Oh and you will need to get a rice cooker!!!

Buddhism, Monks and Temples: Many Thai people follow Buddhism and believe in Karma and so your new Thai wife is very likely to do so also. This means she will want to find a Thai temple local to you and visit their once in a while. She will want to talk to the Buddhist monk ( who incidently… may well be English ..) and may well ask you to attend also. You will often find her paying respects to Buddha and saying prayers for all sorts of reasons at all times of the day and night. Again this is part of her way and culture. Buddhism is in fact a very relaxed religion, more of a philosophy really and may even find yourself being interested in it too.

Marry her…Marry her Family too!!! Thai families are very close and like to stay in touch constantly. They also are very loyal to their families and believe in sharing, giving and taking care of each other, especially children taking care of older parents.. This leads many western men to feel as though they have married her family as well as her and can cause many problems if not understood correctly. This is also part of Buddhist belief too and so you will find it unlikely to disappear. Try to accept that this is born out of goodness and giving and a strong sense of family and community and that you are also welcome to be part of that. Try not to stand aside but just share and enjoy your new family and they will show you much respect and gratitude back.

This is just an overview of some of the main things that can cause problems but when accepted and understood correctly can in fact bring you closer together as well as enriching your life with a culture that is mainly about giving.

I hope you find this information useful in your beautiful relationship with your Thai wife.