World Ends – 6:00pm, May 21, 2011

Well, I don’t have much time before the world ends, so I thought I should knock-out one more blog before the Apocalypse.¬† I know the world will end tonight at 6:00pm because I have been assured by an ordained minister that it’s gonna happen.

The minister’s name is Harold Camping.¬† Camping runs a huge religious media “Church”¬† in Oakland, CA and has busied himself this last year by posting billboards all around the globe predicting the “End-of-Days”.¬† ‘Ol Harold says he calculated the 5/21/11 doomsday by studying the Bible.¬† One might have expected that the exact date the world ends¬†would be of huge interest to most of us and that¬†someone would have made these calculations long before now.¬† Apparently Rev. Camping saw something in the Bible that everyone else¬†has overlooked for some 2,000 years.¬† Way to go, Harold!!

I read the story about Rev. Camping and his prediction on the internet (even more proof that¬†his story¬†must be¬†true).¬† The article contained¬†exacting detail on the¬†precise time Camping says the world will end … 6:00pm.¬† But wait!¬† That’s not 6:00pm Eastern Standard Time … it’s 6:00pm, local time.¬† Apparently God has a great deal of respect for…¬†¬†¬† the differences in time zones as he goes about the business of¬†blowing us the hell up.¬†

The internet article also detailed the assets of Camping’s worldwide ministries, and disclosed that his nonprofit church has net assets of $104,000,000.¬† Now for those of you living in a ‘single-wide’ in southern Alabama, let me explain. ¬†“Net Asset” is another word for “Accumulated Profits”.¬† In other words, Camping’s “Nonprofit” church has accumulated “Profits” of $104,000,000.¬† Praise¬†the Lord¬†and pass the collection plate !!!

However, what I found most interesting were the 3,000+ comments that were posted about the internet article. Many readers felt that Rev. Campings prediction of the exact time and date of the “Rapture”¬† to be somewhat disingenuous.¬† Let me share a few of these comments with you:

“Rev Camping, if the world ends at exactly at 6:00pm, local time, what time will the astronauts on the International Space Station die?”

“I saw one of Rev. Camping’s billboards that said ‘Jesus is coming’ and I thought they were opening up a new Mexican restaurant.”

“Well, this is certainly good news.¬† With all the righteous going to Heaven, maybe a few job vacancies will open up.¬† I’ve been out of work for a year.”

“If you can read this, it serves as proof that there is internet access in Heaven.”

And what about my plans for the few hours I have left?¬† I’m thinking about that really expensive bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, I’ve been hording.¬† I’m going to us it to wash down a half bottle of Viagra and try to set some kind of record with Mrs. Shambo.¬† At exactly 6:00pm, you could say I’ll be coming and going at the same time.