Shattered Lives. The personal horror stories of Marriage and Divorce in New Jersey.

Transcription

1 $ 150 Shattered Lives The personal horror stories of Marriage and Divorce in New Jersey. The divorced people of New Jersey have paid for this book with their lives: lives that have been shattered, crushed and ruined and will remain so until the unjust alimony laws are changed.

2 Are the People of New Jersey Interested in Alimony Reform? Asbury Press Newspaper article on Alimony Reform draws 1,089 Recommendations 2 Actual Un-Edited Stories of people s live that are ruined by the Family Court System and Antiquated Alimony Laws in New Jersey Compiled for New Jersey Alimony Reform 1092 St. Georges Ave. #141 Rahway, NJ

3 These are the actual stories of New Jersey Residents. People just like me and you, except their lives have been shattered by horrific divorce decrees, crushed by unfair judgements, horrendous lawyer s fees, their children torn from them, and overbearing monthly alimony award payments. With virtually no hope of relief, many suffer for the rest of their lives. Many of these people have had their families and children ripped apart by the New Jersey so called Family court system - a self-serving system of judges and good-old-boy lawyers. The rest of their lives bearing the forever open scars and ever-fresh wounds from the harsh, unrealistic, antiquated alimony laws in the state of New Jersey, and the overpowered omnipotent judges who decide the lifetime of people s fate in a few seconds. While you would like to think there is some semblance of justice in Family court, I can assure you I haven t seen it. Old world cronyism, lawyers arguing every side of every issue to run up huge fees, and judges that have long forgotten the lives and families they have ruined; and unrealistic judgements that have nothing to do with fairness or justice. I cried when I read many of these stories while assembling this book. Before reading this, I thought only of my brother who has spent over $350,000 - his life savings - on matrimonial attorney s fees. With this result: He now pays over $5,000 each month in alimony, plus $2,500 in child support until his children are 23 years of age (a surprising age for a child!) and maintains a mandatory $2,000,000 life insurance policy so his ex-wife gets indeed filthy rich if he dies. He works three jobs to pay this amount each and every month, and will do so for the rest of his life. He was married for 12 years. His ex-wife is able-bodied and holds college degrees in both computer sciences and education, and doesn t work. Winning the NJ lottery doesn t even pay this much. Now I see that his horror story is one of many - people whose lives have been ruined by a judge who answers to no one, wielding a heavy stick of ineptness, passing court orders in the name of justice while carelessly giving lifetime sentences of monthly alimony payments to people who have simply failed in marriage. Self-serving judges who s professional arrogance over the years has placed them well above the law, justice, and certainly any intelligent rules of fairness. The system is broken beyond repair and we the people suffer. Three days before serving my brother with divorce papers his abusive ex-wife purchased a new fully-loaded Toyota Seneca van with every possible option. Two days after being served with papers, I watched my brother weep when he was taken from his home in handcuffs - in front of his 3 young children - on malicious and completely fabricated assault charges. His ex-wife remained living in the marital home during the next 2-1/2 years until the divorce was settled. He moved into my house that night with only the shirt on his back, while over the next few months his ex wife went through every item he owned, every computer and computer file from his office - looking for money and to manipulate the children.

4 Due to the restraining order she falsely filed, he wasn t allowed to speak with his children. She removed every phone in the marital house except for one with a speaker, and allowed me to call his children while she was there listening with her finger on the disconnect button - should I say something she didn t like, or just for no reason at all other than to show her completely manipulative power over him. He lived on my couch for over two months, and I watched him walk around the house spontaneously bursting into tears because he couldn t speak with his own children... What kind of court orders that? Three ugly years later in settlement, she bought a $400,000 condo (with his money) and moved in, having been awarded ALL the contents of their prior marital house, and all the money for its sale. He moved into a small apartment. He borrowed money from family members to pay her what the Family court decreed on a judges whim. He went into credit card debt for over $90,000 to avoid jail for nonpayment of alimony. And you say there is no debtors prison here in the U.S.? Although he s over 60, he works three jobs to pay alimony to his abusive ex-wife - who received well over 100% of all his assets in the divorce. She doesn t work despite having two college degrees. I could write a book on all the horrific abuses he suffered over the past 8 years. Through surgeries and injections on his back, couldn t walk for months, with no relief from the court on payments - not even for a few months. But now I see he is just one of the many. People who have and continue to suffer - some even worse. Some have been jailed for missing alimony payments. Many have lost money, children and any decency in their lives - as much as my brother. Many lives have been ruined - shattered by the horrid Alimony Laws and gruesome Family Court decisions in New Jersey. Both men AND women - good people, honest and hard working, have been crushed by the good-old-boy network of Family court omnipotent judges, and lawyers who take cases after they fully see the complete bank accounts of both spouses. Armed with that knowledge the spouses become the lawyer s victims as an easy source of income. My brother spent his life savings on his lawyers who churned his account sometimes at a rate of over $30,000 a month. He was too far tearful to see it, too beaten to fight. Is it time for an overhaul? The reform to the Alimony Laws of New Jersey is long, long overdue. The Family court system in New Jersey is a mockery of justice, or fairness. It is appalling. It may be too late for my brother to recover from the suffering he has endured. But he can be spared the rest of a lifetime of servitude, of unjust payments. There are thousands and thousands of other people who are continuing to live this horror story every day. Thousands more who will experience it in the many tomorrows to come. God Bless Tom Leustek and the Alimony Reform team. They, as myself, have worked tirelessly and without a nickle of payment to make a positive change in people s lives. People who they don t know and may never know. People whose only crime was a failed marriage - and a divorce in New Jersey. Change in Alimony law in New Jersey is inevitable. Eventually, people will have a chance of returning to a normal life after divorce. Parents who won t hate each other - as the Family court often dictates, as it entertains frivolous motions and invites endless litigation, and finally reprimands all the money into its vicious system of greedy lawyers and self-serving judges. It turns divorcing parties against each other, and forces children to chose one side or the other. The most expensive cost of all alienating their children, pushing them to choose one parent or the other. 4

5 The Family Court, the Alimony Laws in New Jersey have little to do with justice, more to do with a self serving system that pretends to do things in the name of right, and justice. How far they have strayed from the truth. At best it is gross self-interest masquerading as public statesmanship... This book represents what the people of New Jersey know all to well: is time for Alimony Reform. It is time for settlement and closure for people who no longer wish to be married. In September of last year we asked some of our members for their horror story. These stories poured out. I m so sorry I haven t put this book together sooner. I worked on it many nights and weekends. We know it won t be easy. Lawyers see us cutting off their easy income. Judges are insulted they will be asked to give up one iota of their omnipotent power. But the people of New Jersey will never give up fighting for what they believe to be right. What is in the best interest of all the people. New Jersey has the harshest, most punishing alimony laws and court system of all states. We will never give up trying to change it. I will never give up. I will never give up. The people of the Alimony Reform movement are not against alimony. We believe alimony should be transitional, until both spouses are back on their feet - and can move on with their lives. We don t believe it is a gender based man or woman right to pay or receive alimony. We believe in a fair transition of both parties back to a normal lifestyle. The stories in this book are just the tip of the iceberg. Most people don t know about our grass roots group. We don t have big money like the fancy matrimonial lawyers who push through high powered legislation. We have a group that is growing in dissatisfaction of what is happening - crushing the lives of peers and colleagues. Every day new people join. We now have a voice that is constant and vigilant. As unjust alimony cases are brought forward in the press, you can see stories about alimony reform in New Jersey drawing 200, 500, 800 comments in the newspapers and online. Over 95% of the comments are people who want reform. As more and more people learn of the atrocities of what judges are doing to honest citizens - their friends and neighbors - who have done nothing other than get a divorce, more people - voters - everyday citizens are drawing new lines. From my brother who has spent all his money on needless attorneys arguing meaningless points of every law - they saw his cash on hand in the divorce filings papers and went directly after it to John Waldorf, who spent real time in jail when his family court judge ordered him to pay more annual alimony than he has ever made in salary in his entire life. These are just a few of the hardships. I did not get paid for writing and publishing this book. Not one red cent. My only wish is that my brother - and people like him - no longer suffer under the harsh and oppressive alimony laws of New Jersey for the rest of their lives. Please support Alimony Reform in New Jersey. Tell others about the reform movement. Join our group for free. Donate if you can. Call or write your legislator. We will never give up fighting, but we can use some help. Your help please join us, there is strength in numbers. Thank you. Jeffrey Dobkin

6 A newspaper poll showing over 91% of the 3,483 people asked are in favor of eliminating permanent alimony in New Jersey 6

7 86 Cherrywood Drive Somerset, NJ October 3, 2012 Mr. Tom Leustek New Jersey Alimony Reform Association 1092 St. Georges Avenue, # 141 Rahway, NJ Re: Horror Story Dear Tom: Fortunately, my story is not as horrible as some I ve read. I am eight years into lifetime alimony from a fifteen year marriage dissolved in Monmouth County. Each year I pay $55,000 in alimony plus $18,000 in child support. The alimony amount alone represents a good annual salary for most people. Based on an obligation to pay this forever, I will never be able to retire. My ex-wife, on the other hand, has the luxury of relaxing and retiring whenever she feels it s appropriate based on the annuity windfall she has received. I, on the other hand, cannot even fantasize about retirement or even taking a step back to relax a bit with this kind of obligation hanging over my head. The stress this creates in my life and to my health is unbearable and will never go away. It is insane that the law can give one person such lifetime control over another with little or no hope for relief. The alimony law began as an honorable concept but became corrupted and turned into a lottery winning for one person at the servitude of the other. As if this is not enough, I am self-employed in an industry where my income varies from year to year. If I want to appeal my obligations at any point, I am subject to a costly forensic audit. There needs to be a cap on the number of years a person can be subjected to this. The animosity I feel toward my ex-spouse affects our children. There is never an opportunity for healing or civility to return to our relationship. This situation is absolutely brutal and inappropriate merely for being one of two parties in a failed marriage. Please share with our legislators that, while rehabilitative alimony is completely appropriate, permanent alimony is simply cruel and unusual punishment. Sincerely, Thomas A. Mitchell /tam

8 The Family Court in New Jersey, and lifetime alimony, destroys a man s life: October 5th, 2012 Re: My Horror Story Length of Marriage: 14 years - Mercer County, NJ I was married for 14 years and had four children of the marriage since The divorce was finalized in August of I think you will find my saga to be far worse than most by far. I was fortunate enough to be in the mortgage lending industry at the peak years. My business was established long before I entered into marriage at the age of 35 in I had a prenuptial agreement prior to the marriage, that was overturned in the divorce trial in Overturned on a technicality (partial non-disclosure of information by my attorney), not for being unconscionable. After continued business success until the year 2005, when the mortgage market began it s monumental crash, my x filed for divorce, rather than return to work to help support the family. My net worth at the time of the separation in 2005 was nearly $5,000,000. Rather than vacate the marital residence on the filing of a complaint by her, as per the terms of the then thought to be enforceable prenup, she embarked on a fake domestic violence complaint and was awarded a final restraining order. There was not a shred of existing proof of injury nor a single witness. Yet it was awarded anyway, and it served its purpose: to get me out of my house, so she could have a leg up in the divorce. I was forced out of my house and away from my children, by a judge who had literally no evidence of any violence over the fourteen years of marriage. It took three and a half hears from the date of the restraining order to get the final divorce decree. The court awarded lifetime alimony and child support based on the income of the best years of the business. The subsequent colossal crash of the mortgage industry was no secret to anyone who watched the news. Yet my motions for modification to the court were all denied. I was told to re-tool my business! I was unable to make the huge payments that were imposed on me. I was already partially disabled with spinal cord and bone problems, and other significant ailments, which also prohibited me from working as in previous years. I demonstrated to the court with medical proof, that I had medical problems as well as an unprecedented drop in the mortgage lending business that the country has not seen since its inception. I was jailed for five days for missing ONE PAYMENT, ONE DAY LATE. The court continued to impose this outrageous monthly payment on me or continue to jail. I had to borrow funds from family to literally keep out of jail. I ended up filing bankruptcy and lost my entire $5,000,000 net worth. I lost my business, my credit, and all retirement savings, and my home, the most of which was PRE MARITAL assets that the court refused to acknowledge despite being listed in the signed and agreed to prenup. The time I had to spend in jail caused me to develop post traumatic stress disorder, partial loss of vision in one eye, and other inoperable spinal conditions from being forced to sleep on concrete floors with no cushions, and deprived of all my needed medications for five days. My x remained in the $1.5 million dollar house I built (my pre marital home) for nearly 7 years free, 8

9 right from after the separation, without even making the obligated payments to the mortgage and taxes she was required to pay from the spousal support. She lived there with all the income from alimony and child support and then let the house go to bankruptcy. (Yeah, what happened to all that money?) Finally in 2009, I was awarded permanent disability by the Social Security Administration. My x who believed my disability was phony, embarked on a mission to the Federal Government to challenge the award, and she requested a plenary hearing by the State Superior Court and was granted one. The findings of permanent disability were upheld by the Federal Court and the State Superior court. But only after it costing me another $12,000 to defend what was already awarded by a Federal judge. My disability was made retroactive to June of My alimony payments are now currently suspended. Too little too late if you ask me. At this time I have a motion pending to be heard on February 3rd, 2012 to seek retroactive reimbursement of the overpaid alimony that I had to borrow to stay out of jail, during the period of time of two years waiting for the Social Security Administration to act. Who wants to be that the court will not award it? The court was wrong in its conclusions that I was not disabled. The court was wrong in awarding lifetime alimony, The court was wrong to impute exorbitant income in an industry that has caused the biggest collapse in the country since the great depression. There is a serious problem when simply a dissolved marriage in New Jersey can cause the collapse of a person s entire lifetime work, send him to jail, and leave him disabled. I have four children who will have suffered the worst consequences of this. They will have no college funds, no automobiles, no health insurance, no inheritance, no nothing. They can thank the court system and the NJ laws for that. And where can I turn for this outrageous outcome? What ever happened to a court of competent jurisdiction? How does destroying the husband & father make the x-wife and children any better off? How should the judge be held accountable for the lost future of my children, not to mention myself? Things must change, the laws must change. There should be accountability for gross negligence by Superior Court judges. And finally, I have to represent myself in court because I can t afford a lawyer. What will it take for our legislators and judges to listen and make laws to protect families and not destroy them. As of this writing, the hearing was held, and I am awaiting orders from the Judge. It took over five years to get to this point of awaiting a final ruling: If there were laws instead of judicial discretion, this could have all been resolved timely and without such devastation. George DiDonato 2801 Nottingham Way Trenton, NJ (609)

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11 14 Old Republic Lane Marlton, NJ October 3, 2012 Dear NJ Alimony Reform, Mine was a marriage of constant upheaval both emotionally and financially. My ex husband is an alcoholic who could not keep a job because, by his own admission, stole from every employer he ever had (27 jobs in 31 years). Toward the end of our marriage, again by his own admission, he felt no urgency about obtaining employment as, according to him, he could just live off of me even though the state of our finances were, as always, in disarray because of his employment record. He continues to be unemployed, a luxury he can afford because I pay him alimony every week. When I decided I could no longer live with his chaos and abuse, that life was too short, I sought a divorce. I no longer could enable his addiction. The state of New Jersey has a completely different outlook on enabling addiction. However, it is not the state who is enabling. Rather, it is me as I am required to pay lifetime alimony to a drunk who refuses to work. Anyone who is an addiction specialist, or member of a 12 step program, states emphatically that addicts should not be enabled, and that they should be left to reach their bottom as it is probably the only way they will work on getting and staying sober, facts that clearly the State of New Jersey, up until this point, does not agree. Besides alimony, he cashed out half of a retirement account I scrimped to save over the years. Additionally, he gets part of my pension when I retire, which is ironic because after 37 years of dedicating my life to teaching the children of Voorhees Township, because of him retirement is not an option for me any time in the foreseeable future. Besides the fact that I am a woman who is required to pay alimony and has lost half of everything I ve saved, I am also a teacher. This is not a complaint about my job or my salary, however, reality is that with a masters degree and 37 years of experience I do not make a six figure salary. Besides what I am required to pay him, I have been left to clean up years of his credit card abuse and other financial situations that have arisen as a result of his constant unemployment. And this is just my story. What he has done to his children, both emotionally and financially is horrific. I wake up every day and decide to live a decent life and do the next right thing. My two beautiful daughters lives reflect the fact that I raised them to live decent lives themselves. Every school day for thirty seven years I have gone to work and by both word and deed I have tried to instill in my students the concept of doing the right thing. And yet it is me (and my family) who suffers because of this divorce while a man who does not have a decent or sober bone in his body is rewarded weekly when I send him his alimony check...and with no end in sight, thanks to the lifetime alimony laws in the state of New Jersey. I appreciate all that NJ Alimony Reform is doing to end this atrocity for me and others like me. Dottie Holmes

12 Alimony Reform Members (red shirts) at the Town Hall Meeting 12

13 Over 800 comments on John Waldorf s divorce alimony payment order.

14 John Waldorf was arrested and incarcerated for the crime of not paying alimony to his ex-wife. The Family Court judge ordered John to pay more in alimony than his income - an obligation he couldn t meet. This ruling was later overturned by a higher court, but John had already spent time in jail. He also faces additional jail time in the near future for not being able to meet his lifetime alimony monthly payments. John Waldorf 25 Hoffmans Crossing Rd Califon NJ, NJAR-Horror Stories My Story Waldorf v Waldorf Divorce The Long/Horror of it. History I married my Ex-Wife in August of She had been married two times previously and had two children from her previous marriages. She was getting child support but no Alimony from her second husband. We had one child born of the marriage in June of My Ex-Wife is an Attorney and I am an Engineer. My Ex-Wife worked full time when we were married. She was a Senior Editor for a Legal Publication which reviewed and offered commentary on lawsuits and why certain monetary awards were made or not made. She knew the ends and outs of the legal system and the Courts all to well, as I came to find out, to my ultimate detriment. After a few years into the marriage my Ex-Wife started abusing prescription narcotics and started doctor shopping for her drugs. I tried to get her to go to a rehab facility and she always refused or played the I ll commit suicide card and unfortunately the children heard this. Her brother had committed suicide back in 1995 so this was a real concern to me. My Ex-wife was very litigious. She filed lawsuits against her dentist, her stock broker, her second Ex-Husband and her Father s 2nd wife. These lawsuits cost a lot of martial money and she never was on the positive outcome of the suits. Over time she became very emotionally abusive to me and the children and became physically abusive to her older children to the extent that the older son moved in with his father to escape her wrath. In 2006 she started having an affair with an old high school sweetheart. At this time I started sleeping in the basement as I was no longer comfortable sleeping in the martial bed. On a routine basis she would come screaming down three floors to the basement, in the middle of the night, ranting about something, clearly under the influence of drugs. This upset me tremendously physically and emotionally. With my Ex-Wife it was her way or no way. There was never any gray area. At least weekly I would hear I should have married Howard. She would always belittle me and put me down and blame me for anything which went wrong in her life. If the sun came up in the west it was my fault. I can remember her saying that no one would believe it if I told them that she was abusive to me. She would say how could a small women like me be abusive to a large man like you. At some point she started purposefully falling down in front of me. She started taking pictures of her bruising. At this point I saw an Attorney who recommended that I move out of the house immediately as she was clearly trying to set me up for a domestic abuse case. I never abused my Ex-Wife and the police had never been called to the house for anything. 14

15 Divorce Filing & Subsequent Trial Scheduling She filed for divorce in April/May of 2007 which was when I moved out. The only remaining assets of the marriage was the martial home with $300,000 in equity, her IRA, my 401 K account and my son s 529 college account. The presiding Judge awarded her $6100/ month for living expenses while I was trying to live on $1,400/ month. I was forced to borrow funds from lines of credit to make up the monies that I needed to live on. We went through two Economic Mediations, as ordered by the Court, both of which I agreed to their terms and would have settled, but my Ex-wife would not settle. The longer she could delay the process the more money she got from me monthly. In the summer of 2008 she cashed in one of our IRA s in violation of a Court Order and used the funds to pay her Attorney fees. She wanted her day in court no matter what cost financially or emotionally to me and our son. The Court scheduled the trail to begin in March of The Court postponed the trial because she had fired her Attorney. The trial was postponed until September of In September of 2009 she had hired another Attorney and the Court put on the trial again so that the new Attorney could get up to speed. In September of 2009, through a business re-alignment, I became unemployed. The next six months were an emotional whirl wind for me. I petitioned the Court numerous times to lower my payments and the Court would not lower the payments and indicated that they would only consider it upon final Divorce. I also saw that housing values were collapsing and filed a motion to sell the martial home before it dropped in further in value. The court denied the motion, subsequently over the last three years the house has lost $300,000 in equity and is now in foreclosure. Fleeing the Country At this point I was at my wits end and did not know what to do. I was emotionally spent and financially busted. I became extremely depressed. I cashed in my 401 K account to continue paying her the $6100/ month as ordered by the Court. I became so desperate that In January of 2010 I fled the country with the intention of never being heard from again. I drove thousands of miles through the United States, Mexico and Central America with my ultimate destination, Panama. It was only because of the compassion of my partner, who I am forever thankful, and my brother that I am here today. They talked me back home to the United States after being away for three weeks. After I had decided to come back I was allowed to teleconference into a scheduled hearing before the Court which I did from Guatemala City. Unless one is going through the divorce process they cannot know the true cost emotionally and physically. You feel like a puppet with some else pulling your strings all the time. There is a constant foreboding of what is going to happen next. There is the constant worry of incarceration for reasons that are out of your control. Family Court Experience After firing her second Attorney in the spring of 2010 the Trial was once again scheduled to start in September of The trial ended in July of 2011 with a Judgment of Divorce issued on 12/21/2011 taking four and one-half years. Family Court in New Jersey is not a court of Law or Equity it is a Court of Egos with Judges miss-using their power leaning on antiquated laws. New Jersey is supposed to be a state of equitable distribution upon dissolution of a marriage. The most troubling issue in the Family Court System in New Jersey is that it has a huge negative effect on the final outcome of the relationship between a child and the non -custodial parent. There is a presumption, in New Jersey Court, that the non-custodial parent is not a good parent and consequently their parenting time, as set by the court, is very little and usually set at every other weekend at best with a Wednesday thrown in. This perpetuates the child support miss conception. The Court, by presuming that the non-custodial parent only gets 10% time is setting up a wage garnishment order to pay child support. I completely agree that children should be supported by both parents.

16 What the public needs to know is that there is a Federal law that says for every dollar garnished by the states for Alimony & Child support the state gets paid $0.60. This $0.60/dollar goes into the state coffers to finance Judges and other Court Administrator s retirements. If the presumptive parenting time was assumed to be 50/50 the child would benefit greatly in time spent with each parent and the child support would become a non-issue. There is a blatant conflict of interest built into the system with the presumption that non-custodial parents should not get equal time with their child and the Court system benefits financially in this arrangement by getting their pensions subsidized by wage garnishment orders. Attorney Fees Another troubling issue is the cost of the divorce in terms of legal fees. My divorce was started in May of By May of 2008 I had spent $60,000 in attorney fees for myself. At this point I had to start representing myself because I could not afford an Attorney. Conversely my Ex-wife went through three separate Attorneys costing roughly $300,000. With each Attorney there was a new learning curve and additional costs. Over the 4 years of the Divorce proceedings I paid over $40,000 to her three attorneys. It is pertinent to say that my Ex-Wife attended Case Western Reserve University Law School and is a practicing attorney. Bias Courts & Judges The Family Court, in Hunterdon County, New Jersey, is bias and favors the custodial parent who in most cases is female. Judge Hany Mawla, Judge Superior Court, Hunterdon County, NJ played a significant role in helping to alienate my son from me through his actions against me. In all motions he favored my Ex-Wife and made an incorrect assumption that I was not being forthwith with the Court. Unfortunately my son suffers the most in this. Family Court Judges need to be made accountable for their actions which, more often than not, violates the intention of the law. Am I angry? You bet, however these types of abuses by our Court Systems of men s and children s rights will not end until the Federal Government stops subsidizing these actions through payments to the states and or the states reform their alimony laws. Subsidies fund the Family Court system and pay for Judges Retirement pensions, for clerks in the courts, and the court sheriffs and bailiffs as well as court administrators. When a male emotes during Court proceedings it is considered anger. When a female emotes in a court proceeding she is just being a mother and the Court pities her and always rules in her favor. How is a father supposed to act when the Court is taking his child away from him and denying him equal time with his children? When I emoted to the Court that my Ex-wife was lying and perpetuating a fraud on the Court in regard to my parenting time the Court deemed me as having Anger Management Issues and ordered me to take Anger Management Classes. If you don t get angry when someone or some system threatens to take your child from you when do you get angry? Specifically, Judge Hany Mawla is very bias against men. I am a dead beat dad who, over the last 4 1/2 years, have paid over $329,000 in pendente lite support to my son s mother and yet have been incarcerated twice for being behind in my pendente lite payments. The arrearage happened because I could not make the full payments when I was unemployed which was through no fault of my own. Judge Hany Mawla was appointed by Governor Chris Christi. Governor Christi held the appointment of the first Muslim Judge to Superior Court bench as an example of New Jersey s religious diversity. Unfortunately Judge Mawla, as his record shows, is very bias against men and is a strong advocate for women s rights. A Judge should not be an advocate for women s or men s rights he should be an advocate for equal rights under the law without gender bias. What is equally disturbing and counter to the normal thought process is that when I was incarcerated my New Jersey drivers and professional licenses were suspended which would preclude me from working. This is punishment and vengeance by the Court - which is completely counterproductive. How am I supposed to work without my driver s license and professional license? A new law should be enacted that does away provisions to revoke licenses by Family Court Judges. 16

17 Judge MawIa incarcerated me for 10 days, without legal representation, in November of 2010 under a contempt of court charge because I was not able to pay my arrears of $25,000. I was employed at the time and lost 10 days of income and was lucky to get my job back. I ultimately borrowed the money from my mother to pay the arrears and got out of jail. Judge Mawla knew the extent of my financial burden and still ordered me incarcerated. Judge Mawla did not identify where the financial resources were to come from to pay the arrearage. There were no financial resources to draw from because I was destitute. Judge Mawla, in my case, would on a routine basis issue Court Orders which were impossible to comply with. Judge Mawla kept me incarnated for two months (April & May, 2011) on a contempt order until I paid $53,000 to my Ex-Wife. $38,000 of this was mortgage payments which were in arrears because my wife stopped making the payments even though I was paying her support which she was to use to pay the mortgage. She used the money instead to fund her legal battle. Ultimately I was released after payment of $3,000 for health insurance premium. Where is the logic in that??? I could not work while incarcerated any yet my pendent lite arrearage kept accruing to the tune of $6100/ month. The system is broken. New laws should be passed which stop accrual of payments if the Court incarcerates an individual. Judgment of Divorce On Christmas eve of 2011 I got, what I hoped would be the best gift of all, a Judgment of Divorce in the mail from New Jersey Superior Court. However, it was a nightmare which I was not prepared for. As I read the Judgment I learned that I was sentenced to an economic life sentence. My partner and I cried ourselves to sleep this Christmas eve, with family in adjacent bedrooms there to celebrate Christmas, but unaware of my (our) plight. Permanent alimony and child support at $2,069/ week. I do not make this much money. The Judgment indicated that if I missed two weeks payments, in full that I would be subject to a bench warrant for contempt which is incarceration. The Judgment also indicated that I am to pay my Ex-Wife $100,000 in Attorney fees. I will be 60 years old on my next birthday. This is not a fair and equitable judgment of divorce. Judge Mawla is, once again, issuing orders which are impossible to comply with. As I write this I know that it is just a matter of time until a bench warrant is issued. I will be taken in front of Judge Mawla who will order me to pay alimony arrears which I do not have and he will remand me to Hunterdon County jail. Debtor s prisons are still alive and well in the United States. There is a New Jersey Law which makes it illegal for the Court to threaten or incarcerate someone who is destitute without legal representation, but this happens in Family Court every day. I can take the incarceration, but the after effects shutter me to my bones. The emotional damage done to your friends and family are enormous. It completely destroys any relationship with your children. The Family Court System in the State of New Jersey is destroying families, lives and costing untold millions of dollars. How much longer can I take this??????????????? There must be change. That is what keeps me going and the love and support of my friends and family. The Court unfortunately, when there are no other resources, forces your friends and family to pay. John Waldorf John Waldorf is a Poster Child for Alimony Reform in New Jersey. Humble and forgiving, he has been jailed several times for not being able to pay his monthly alimony payments - his alimony was ordered by the family court judge in an amount greater than his yearly income. Many stories have been written about him and his plight in the New Jersey News Papers. While his alimony is no longer greater than his income, it s close - and leaves little for him to live, pay rent and live any kind of civilized life, let alone plan to retire at any age. Just one of the crushed and shattered lives, ruined by the good-old-boy Family Court system and current unjust and unfair alimony laws in New Jersey.

18 Lifetime Alimony paints a bleak future of loving father Financial Comptroller Scott McClymont can t escape thoughts of a bleak future due to his monthly lifelong alimony payments. I just want to stop thinking about it. Says Scott. Scott McClymont constantly thinks about the foreboding alimony payments. And the perpetuity of the accompanying lifetime sentence. Of a subsistence lifestyle that was levied on him. Just because he left his very controlling wife. After a twelve year marriage, Scott stated what is on the minds of many permanent alimony payors in New Jersey, Thoughts of having no financial future haunt me all day long. Even when I m having fun or trying to concentrate on my job, my positive thoughts are interrupted by the hopelessness of my situation: the oppressive alimony payments will never end. Scott reiterated, It consumes my mind, because it is permanent. In the Family Court system in New Jersey, I have no rights. Scott now has to work three jobs to make alimony and child support payments which equate to 60% of his income. When you add in mandatory college tuition and expenses for his oldest son, his payments exceed 70% of his earnings. Scott works to barely survive, and considers himself one among the working poor in New Jersey. The working poor despite his college education, managerial status and solid middle-class upbringing. Scott questions why the person who works the hardest winds up with the least after a divorce. Considering the economic predicament and mental anguish that Mr. McClymont faces, I asked him in a telephone interview how he can prevail in his situation. Scott replied that his spiritually and his love for his children sustain him and give him strength. Scott had the misfortune of divorcing a woman who is a paralegal and knows how to work the legal system. Scott s ex-wife is a youthful 47 year old woman, college educated, who certainly has the capacity to work in her profession. Scott estimates that she makes more than $50K a year. Mr. McClymont theorizes that his ex-wife doesn t actually require the level of alimony that he is paying her, because very often she will accumulate three weeks of her alimony checks before se cashes them. Yet Scott s ex-wife refused to negotiate in good faith during the divorce knowing full well that she was dealing from a position of untouchable strength, because New Jersey law guaranteed her a lucrative alimony payment and half the marital assets in addition to whatever else she could wrestle away from him. Scott s ex-wife is highly skilled, was employed during the marriage and is fully capable of being financially independent. If rehabilitative alimony was the legal standard in New Jersey, the negotiation process in Scott s divorce would have been fair and balanced as each party would be dealing from the same position of strength. As my interview with Mr. McClymont continued, I thought about other alimony payors that I have interviewed and the many cases that I have reviewed. I made these observations: 18

19 First, permanent alimony seems to have the hardest economic impact on middle class individuals such as Scott. This is because lower socioeconomic groups often have lower earning potential and a more sporadic work history which makes it easier to avoid paying a large permanent alimony figure. Second: For the extremely wealthy, permanent alimony is an inconvenience and not a lifealtering situation. In the middle class, one s very financial survival is threatened, for the rich - not so much. Third, the middle class is being squeezed the hardest. In our economy as it is, placing a heavy lifetime alimony payment on this group exacerbates the situation tremendously There is no social safety net for middle class alimony payors. Last, lifetime alimony only appears to be levied against responsible individuals who conscientiously play by moral values, and respect the rule of law. These people have limited means to sustain prolonged contention and the associated legal fees. This is especially true of men and women who love their children and avoid confrontation that could harm their relationship with them. People who are self-serving, vindictive, mean, manipulative or can afford expensive lawyers seem to be able to be devious and use the system to avoid the lifetime punishment of permanent alimony. The real shame: Mr. McClymont s ex-wife has been engaged for several years now, but there is never any discussion about marriage as that would end her lucrative entitlement. After five years of paying alimony and barely surviving, Scott had approached his ex-wife about renegotiating the alimony amounts and she vehemently refuses to discuss it. He would like to file a motion to have his case reviewed, but is terrified to go to court. In New Jersey Family Court is widely known for giving alimony payors no rights, and contesting the Official Judges s initial ruling often backfires into a higher payment. The truth is that no matter how much Mr. McClymont pays his ex- wife in alimony, it will never be enough to satisfy her as she is now addicted to her entitlement and wants more. Her highly controlling personality still dominates the relationship as she abuses him verbally in front of his children. But this isn t enough for her. Although she receives Free Money every month she feels entitled to, she believes that she is not receiving enough alimony from him. Scott summed it up this way: The alimony perpetuates all the bad feelings and abuse that he left the marriage for in the first place. There is no sense of finality and never will be as the monthly payments go on for the rest of his life. The bad memories of the past haunt him every day, while the alimony ensures that he has no future. Permanent, lifetime alimony in New Jersey gives a feeling of hopelessness to residents as it wrecks their lives. As I exited the interview, I reflected upon what a decent man McClymont is, and that all he was asking for was a opportunity to pursue happiness and have some chance at peace in his life. The pursuit of happiness is one of our inalienable rights and the State of New Jersey should not deny it to anyone. Those interested in changing the Alimony Law in New Jersey should write to their representatives in the House and Senate and voice their feelings. Reform is now on the table and each person s voice and vote counts. They should also join (for FREE) New Jersey Alimony Reform at

20 DEAN DOBKIN, MD, FACEP EMERGENCY MEDICINE RT 38, STE 1 1, # 106 MOUNT LAUREL, NEW JERSEY PHONE FAX I am a 59-year-old medical doctor, well respected in my profession, specialized in Emergency Medicine. I ve been practicing Emergency Medicine since When I married in 1990, my ex-wife saw her income jump by 600%. She had been a computer programmer and held degrees in both Elementary Education and Computer Programming. My ex-wife had no part in supporting me nor helping me through medical school. Most of our marriage she hired and fired maids and nanny s; while I longed to spend more time with the children,. I worked hard and supported the family. I never had any more serious interaction with the police than a speeding ticket until December 21, Without provocation, and without any basis whatsoever, my ex -wife fabricated a domestic violence story to get me out of the marital home (paid for with the sweat of my brow). Bases on a blatant lie, I was arrested in front of our three young children and lead out of my own home in handcuffs. Charges were later dropped and my record expunged on the basis of her admission that I neither intimidated her nor laid a finger on her. Her plan succeeded, though: I was banned from seeing my children due to a restraining order (for which there was no basis) and ordered to pay her every expense (including cable TV with premium stations) multiple cell phones, charge cards, vehicles payments (she bought a new upscale, loaded Toyota minivan 3 days before serving me with papers.) while she remained living in the house. This went on until 2006, at which time the divorce was finalized. I moved into a lousy apartment after purchasing used furniture from Cart Rentals that was in too bad of a condition for them to ever rent. The judge saw fit to give my ex-wife well over 100% of our joint net worth. Sound incredible? Imagine how I felt! My lawyer explained the judge has broad discretion in family court. I received a life sentence; $5,000/month for life in alimony, in addition to a huge child support payment. When my sons became teenagers, I still had to buy them razors and shaving cream because their mother refused to do so. Even bank robbers get out after 10 years. 20

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