Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Our Wedding: Regrets and ADVICE from my friends and family

When I look back on our wedding, we really don't have too many regrets! I would say that our biggest regret was not telling the photographer and videographer exactly what we wanted. We didn't get very many pictures of our guests just hanging out, other than dancing and there are no pictures of the food! There's also no audio of my mom's welcome speech and Bill's dad's prayer. We had planned on putting disposable cameras on each table but a) they were expensive and b) we let people talk us out of it by telling us horror stories of drunk people taking dumb (inappropriate) pictures. In retrospect, I wish we had done this anyway.

Something else that I lament was not having everything done before the wedding weekend because I spent a lot of time finishing stuff up rather than spending time with our family and friends. This also let to me making some mistakes, like forgetting to make seating cards for the bridal party guests and forgetting to tell guests about the shuttle! Mostly, though, it was the time lost with my loved ones. That's time I'll never get back and if I could do it again, I would be sure to have things finished so that I could just relax and hang with everyone.

My final regret is a silly one, but I really wanted to get a couple bottles of that blue champagne to drink while we were getting ready. I had heard that it was super sweet, so I decided I didn't want it, plus it seemed like a hassle to find, but I really wish we had some pictures of us drinking that!

While we were planning the wedding, I posted on Facebook asking married couples: For those of you who are married, what is the ONE thing (if there is one!) you wish you would have done differently on your wedding day? I found some of their answers really helpful and thought that you might too! I've deleted the names but kept the full comments. There are a lot and some are silly and oddly specific to their weddings, but there's some really good stuff in here. After the posts, see my thoughts on their responses.

I don't have anything I would change. Even if everything
goes wrong, the only thing that matters at the end of the day is that you're
starting a life with someone you love. Uncharacteristically, I let everything
go and didn't worry about a single thing.

I would have had a cool band play at the reception instead
of a DJ. Weddings I have been to that have a band seem so much more personal.

I am not married but can I chime in? I have been to a
million weddings and in weddings and everyone always freaks out about that one
thing they may do wrong. And of course it is important, not dismissing your
feelings, but you will still be married if you go with, say, a band over a DJ
and maybe regret it. It's a day, ya know? Just some advice from the other side.

The only thing that matters is that you have late night
snacks waiting for you in the bridal suite :)

I would've not worried about anything going right or wrong.
20 years later, the wedding day is nothing more than a photo album, and all we
remember is the joy of actually getting married and being surrounded by friends
and family.

I would not worry as much as I did about little stuff. Just
go with the flow and enjoy the day.

Other than that, one thing a few friends did after I got
married that I would have liked to have done is to have both my parents walk me
down the aisle.

I wish we had a better photographer.

Ask the caterers to pack you a to go box for later when you
guys are done for the night. You won't eat at your wedding, but you tend to
spend the most money on food. Mine was delicious and I got like one bit. At
12am that night when we got to our room all I wanted was a huge plate of it.

And turn off your cell phones the entire next day.

I also wish we'd had a better photographer - a couple things
you can do to improve chances of good photos is have in mind specific photos
you want taken (collections of people, just you and people, etc. - items such
as wedding dress, cake, etc.), backgrounds for photos, and style of photos (for
example, ours looked very posed, you may want to make sure you have more
spontaneous, goofy photos too : ) Can't hurt to have a trusted friend/family
member there during photographs to check things like whether groom's tie is
crooked (Paul!), whether he's slouching (Paul!), etc. Ha ha!! And just to make
you smile and have fun. Also consider the disposable cameras for guests to
capture moments that a photographer missed - we didn't do it but I wish we had!

Elope and buy a house.

I wouldn't change a thing. There are a couple of things I
definitely did right- 1.) Kept the guest list smallish, which allowed me to
spend real quality time w everyone. 2.) Didn't obsess too much over small
details like perfect flowers or was the cake cut exactly at 8:30pm 3.) Good
booze

Definitely agree about a to go box with food. We didn't get
to eat much at all - and were sooo hungry afterwards.

Also, don't skimp on family photos or special ppl photos. I
wish I had more photos with my Mom and I as well as my Godfather.

One more! Get a very very last minute fitting for your
dress. You don't realize you're stressed and things change...My last fitting
was over a month out and it ended up being too big with all the stress and
travel.

The flowers will die, the cake eaten, the guests will go
home, the dress will be packed away but the images you will always have. Don't
skimp on the photographer. If I could do it all over again I would hire the
best photographer I could afford and budget everything around that.

And the right photographer will go over a shot list with you
pre-wedding so important moments and people are not missed.

Really wouldn't change a thing but the only thing we missed
were some photos with very close family/friends at reception that weren't going
to be part of the formal portraits. End of the day, it's not end of world but
we wish we would've mandated that photog got those and pushed us to take them
as well.

I love when couples grab me during the reception to take
group photos with different people at reception on the dance floor, etc ;-)

Have YOUR wedding, well yours and his. The biggest mistake
you can make is trying to make everyone else happy instead of remembering that
it's about you two as a couple. If you want a tiny little wedding outside, do
it. If you want a gigantic blowout, do that.

Also ask your guests for an unplugged wedding ceremony! You
don't want your professional images that you paid for to look like this!

I would have eaten more!!!

Make sure you have someone who will double tape cards to
gifts ..... We had this done but still had a few cards detached and gifts with
no cards.... That was horrible not knowing who to thank....... Those gifts will
get moved around a lot!! 😊

I had my bachelor party the night before my wedding which
was a BAD idea. I was pretty hungover all day. I was fine by the wedding itself
and had great time, but the day leading up to it was not super fun.

Working in the industry I know that top most regretted thing
brides say (if they didn't hire a videographer) is that they wish they had. The
dj is great, the food is delicious and pics are important, but nothing capture
the memories (speeches, ceremony etc) like video. And just enjoy the day. Get a
planner so you don't have to think about anything but having the best time with
Bill.

People I've talked to say they don't remember the food, they
can't remember what the cake looked like, but they always remember the dress!
Get a great dress guuuuuuuurl!!!

I got married here.... 3 nights during the week, stayed on
the strip for 3 nights, bachelor bachelorette parties. Even catered it was
cheaper than traditional. Spent a week with family and friends vs. Four hours.
All that time and money to have it over quickly no way. Don't invite everyone
just cause you'll bad if you don't. Its your wedding don't worry about other
people's feelings. Theoretically you only get one shot, do what you want. https://www.homeaway.com/vacation-rental/p268504

Don't do a red lipstick.

Professional makeup!! You will be photographed all night...
You want that stuff to last from the beginning to the end! Worth the $$

I wish I could have had my hair/makeup done at the ceremony
venue so that the CRAP weather didn't mess it up before the photos! Get both
done by a pro and try to make the venue thing happen - although I hope you have
a beautiful day for yours!! Beyond that, I kept it simple so that I wouldn't be
so rushed and stressed that I couldn't remember or enjoy the day. HAVE FUN!!!

Not baby oiled my feet before I put my heels on. But
thankfully my dress was long enough for me to go barefooted!!!

We had a shuttle from the hotel to the venue for the
ceremony and didn't account for everyone showing up for the last shuttle. There
ended up being more people than seats and we had to start 20 minutes later than
we expected including the 15 minute buffer we had already built in, which ate
into the entire timeline of events. So build in buffers of time into the
timeline (5 minute increments or so) that can help you stay on time when little
issues come up.

Eloped ...

We had a surprise wedding disguised as an engagement
party... But the one thing that I wish we would have done was have a caterer.

I wish I had a trial make up session before the wedding.
Could have done my own make up way better than it turned out. Wish we had more
photos and better photographer.

Didn't check the fit on my tux first. I relied on their
measurements and didn't love the way my tux fit in the end. So double check
your fits!

Spent too much time with photographer (less pics) and I wish
I would of had my makeup done professionally.

Eat at the wedding! I made a major dent in the mini-bar in
the middle of the night, not one of my finest moments😉

I wish we would NOT have wired the decorative bows to the
window cranks, making it impossible to open the windows. It was over 90 degrees
that day. There was no air conditioning.

I wish I had eaten at the reception! I only grabbed a couple
of bites, and was so hungry and emotional at the end of the day I felt dizzy.
Made up for it by ordering pizza at home though haha

Don't leave for your honeymoon the next morning...give it a
day so you can get some rest....have brunch with family the next day....and
collect yourself!

Cocktail hour. We missed most of ours because of pictures.
Definitely make it to cocktail hour if you have one.

Stay hydrated. I got super dehydrated and I puked lol.

I wouldn't have worried about a room block. It was the
biggest headache of our wedding. We booked a rate for $99/night and people
complained that it was too expensive or not close enough to the Mall or that it
sold out before they booked there rooms...it was the biggest nightmare. I echo
what everyone is saying, focus on you. If I could do it all over again, I
would've suggested a handful of hotels near everything and left it at that

Because we had a destination wedding
and kept it small and intimate, I really had no regrets on my wedding day. The
only thing that did "go wrong" was that my makeup artist/hairdresser
saved me for last and didn't give me nearly enough time for my hair. And when
she did it, the style wasn't what I imagined. I'd suggest spending the $ on
doing a trial run through on hair & makeup so you know what you're getting
on your wedding day.👰🏻

Hate to say it, but I would have eloped or done a small
destination wedding! Would have been a lot less stressful!

Make sure someone sets aside some cake for you to eat back
in your room. I only got two bites of mine.

My wife and I agree that our wedding was pretty much perfect
for us. My recommendation would be to not have a big wedding. You're not going
to be able to talk to everybody on that day. Keep it small.

My only regret was not having my mother help to walk me down
the aisle...

I second leaving the Monday after your wedding for the
honeymoon. We had a small brunch with our closest friends and family and opened
our gifts. 😊

i know im not married but hell... ive been in enough
weddings that i feel like an expert. i second/third the videographer comments.
everyone i know that had one says its their fav thing about their wedding bc
they can relive their favorite day. everyone that didnt says they wish they did
because with all the excitement, they missed a lot. just my two cents. :)

I don't regret anything, but I do wish we'd gotten a
videographer. I love our photos, but I wish I could watch the ceremony again.

GET A VIDEOGRAPHER!! You miss so much that day and photos
just aren't the same. It's well worth the money!

I didn't get a videographer but wish someone had videotaped
at the least our first dance and our bridal party entrance (because Karin's
entrance was classic!)

Biggest regret- worrying so much about the details and
feeling like I needed to talk to EVERY guest that I didn't get to eat or really
remember the reception. Also, I agree with those who say to have a brunch the
following day to open gifts and enjoy family and closest friends. That saved it
for us! It was a great time and a fantastic way to go off to our honeymoon.

Taken time to eat some food and enjoy a drink! Good luck
with the planning! It truly is an amazing day!

Not married but I've been to a zillion weddings-- Hire a
videographer, splurge on an amazing photographer, make a list of people you
want photos with, have an unplugged ceremony, give your band or DJ a list of songs
so you don't have to dance to the electric slide, do a first look before the
ceremony so you can enjoy cocktail hour, eat all the food, get a to go box,
take wedding cake back to your hotel room to eat in the morning/late night,
don't invite people you really don't want there because you feel guilty, don't
wear heels at the ceremony, bring flats to dance in, wear a dress you can move
in, don't serve shots (buzzed guests are good guests but drunk guests can ruin
a wedding), and don't let anything bother you the day of. Enjoy every single
moment!!

So I know I've been to a billion weddings now that I work in
the industry, but from my own wedding, I would have been more organized in
terms of food/snacks/etc for getting ready/morning portion of the day. Make
sure you eat SOMETHING. I know your tummy will probably be feeling off, but
make sure you eat and enjoy the morning and laugh with friends. I ended up
having to run to panera to get bagels for my entire bridal party and shuttle
everyone back and forth myself to the salon before I was able to get my own
hair/makeup done, and it was super stressful. Looking back my morning was a
stressful whirlwind because none of that was really discussed or super planned
before day of -- everything else was though (phew)! Make sure you also
designate a person who is going to pack your presents into a car at the end of
the night -- and how they'll eventually get back to you! My mother in law took
the lead on this one and I was so thankful. And little plug for my profession,
hire a solid photographer ;-)

Put a strict 20 second clock on thanking everyone by doing a
receiving line or something. Like that you wont lose your wedding and you'll
eat warm food at dinner. It's simple math. If There are 200 guests and you
spend on average of one minute on every guest (think 10 second for third cousin
Paulie, 7 minutes with Grandma etc.) you have spent over 3 hours thanking
everyone. Other than the thank yous you'll have spent another 1 hour on display
with dances, cutting cake and about 30 minutes on display eating listening to
toasts. In a 5 hour wedding reception that leaves about 25 minutes of goofing
around time on the dance floor with your friends and family. Receiving line is
likely to rub someone the wrong way, but so will your cousin Edna getting angry
that it's been two hours and you haven't even made your way to their table yet.
I'd have your best man or gal work it into a joke that you're screwed either
way (line or personal thank you's after dinner) and then both Edna and the
receiving line hater will have to have a coke and a smile

Made absolutely sure the priest knew my intended's name . .
.

I wish hubby would have kept time!

Walked to each table n taken a quick photo. Let everyone
know face to face how much it meant to share that day with them ! (And also not
seeing our dessert room :( )

I didn't drink before my ceremony because I wanted to be
clear minded and remember everything. I wish I had a couple in hindsight, good
stress is still stress! A drink or two would have helped me relax a little ;-)

I def got turned up n don't regret it!!!

And this is my favorite response, because it's from my grandpa who was killed in a car wreck just a couple weeks after posting this and it's also really good advise. It took me a long time to even be able to look at this because it makes me cry, but:

~~~~~

So, what did I take from these responses and being on the other side now, do I agree with them all?

First, it seems a lot of people had problems with finding time to eat their food. This was not a problem with us and we knew that it wouldn't be because we love eating, we paid a lot of money for that food, and well... we just don't not eat. That's not how we roll, haha. I told my sister and Bill's brother that their only job during dinner was to not let people talk to us until we were done eating. No one even tried to, so this wasn't a problem! We got our food first and were done eating before most people had even gotten up from their seats to go through the buffet line. It turns out that I wasn't even very hungry, so it felt like we had wayyyy too long to eat. I also knew that we were going home with the leftovers and also going back to my parents' house, so we weren't concerned about food when we got back, but if this wasn't the case, I think making sure you have a to-go box is a fantastic idea because we all noshed when we got back.

Next, there are some people who said they wish they would have eloped. We honestly considered eloping (well, a destination wedding with just our closest family), but I am so, so, SO glad that we did not elope. Our wedding day was hands down the best day of both of our lives and I know that it was a truly great day for our families as well. For us, eloping would have been the wrong decision.

We took the advice to hire a videographer and this was probably the best decision that we made.

As I mentioned in my regrets, I wish I would have given more explicit instructions to the photographer and created a list of family members/friends that I wanted pics with. I also love the suggestion to snap a pic with each table. I wish we had done that!

I hired people to do my hair and makeup because I cannot do that on my own, but I do think it's very important to really do research and get a trial. Luckily, I had had my hair and makeup done by them before in Amy's wedding, but I also did a trial.

Thoughts on "unplugged ceremony":We considered this, but in the end, we did not ask people to do this, and I'm glad we didn't. We didn't get our professional pictures back for months, but we got the pictures our guests took by the next day. I also just felt a little icky telling grown adults what to do. We did include a little line in the FAQ section of our wedding site that asked people not to keep their phones up the entire time. In the end, I didn't even notice anyone taking pictures and from our pics of the guests, it didn't look like anyone was too obnoxious with it.

Lots of people mentioned worrying less about the details and less stress in general. I really took this advice to heart and tried my hardest to do this and I think as the day neared, I was successful. I had a ton of sleepless nights in the beginning and got overly stressed about certain things, but as the wedding day got closer, I just accepted that certain things weren't going to get done and that was ok. I kept telling myself that in the end, all that mattered was that we got married and people had fun. I knew that the major things were taken care of -- officiant, food, drink, music, and that everything else would fall into place and it did.

One piece of advice that's not listed here but that I received from a lot of people was to just stay in the moment and I think that is key.

Love and agree with so many things in this post. I was so glad our wedding planner talked us into a videographer because our well known/regarded photographer sucked. I'm still sad/bitter about that part because photography was the NUMBER ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME. And I told him that. I give people advice about that all the time.

I like the advice about having cake back in your room... because I also only got two bites and I am sad about that. I have a secret dream that my husband will plan our anniversary at our reception venue and ask them to make the cake again... because it was the thing I was most looking forward to. Chocolate cake with hazelnut ganache filling.... yes please. :)

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