Having a Work BFF Can Be a Sanity-Saver—or a Really, Really Bad Idea

In 1989, When Harry Met Sally posed an essential question for the modern age: Can men and women just be friends?

Twenty-seven years later, we still don't have an answer—but thanks to our obsessive love for the Lifetime show UnREAL, we've got a related follow-up question: Can women and women just be friends, if they're also colleagues?

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Short answer, of course they can. But it's more nuanced than that. ELLE.com polled over 100 women about workplace issues, and out came an outpouring of stories about friendships—good and bad—in the office, proving that no two experiences, nor relationships, are exactly alike. Here, some of the best and most poignant, from heartwarming accounts to cautionary tales:

The Assistant Squad

"I met one of my best friends in the world as an assistant… It was the first job out of college for both of us, and we started at the same time. We worked in the same company but for different departments, and having someone else who was arriving early, staying late, getting coffee, managing schedules, and figuring out how to live in a new city, it just made the friendship happen fast. We became each other's support systems, and because we shared so much at work, we shared other stuff, too. She's still one of my best friends—and I consider her my first 'adult' friend, too. It was like pledging a sorority together. The hustle bonded us in a way that even my college friends can't understand." –Maria-Carolina, 25

The Friend-to-Boss Transition

"In college, I was the manager at a restaurant, and I made my best friend come and work with me. I thought it would be fun. I was dead wrong. She was so irresponsible, always late, and always messing up orders. But because I was young and it's not like she was being rude, just being bad at her job, I didn't know how to speak up and say anything, even though I was technically, like, her boss! When the owner fired her, I was afraid she'd be so mad at me. She wasn't, but it made me realize why people call other people their 'work friends' instead of just, like, their friends. I never want to be in that position again. It made me resentful of my friend and a worse employee." –Molly, 28

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Claudia Fessler/The Licensing Project

The Employee Who Thinks She's Your Friend

"Because I work in the beauty business, a lot of very young women come apprentice in our salon. If I take one of them on, she'll spend a lot of time with me. She'll know loads about my life, my family… everything, because doing hair is a very social business! You want your salon to feel like a friendly, let-it-all-out kind of place. But what happens is, because these girls are so young, they think they're my best friend, because they've never had a mentor before. So when I leave after work for drinks with the other stylists, and they're not invited, sometimes they get really hurt. It takes a few months for them to understand that you can be close to someone in a work relationship, but you need separation, too, for sanity. Especially when you turn 30!" –Devon, 37

The BFFs (Until They Start a Business)

"My best friend and I started a brand together. We worked in the same industry, but different companies, and we gave each other the courage to drop everything and build a dream… We did great work together, but when it came to how things got done, we both had such different management styles. I'm very conservative with hiring, investments, and projects. She thinks big, dreams big, and just does it. And because we were friends and partners, we both felt like we couldn't tell the other one what to do. That made us really pissy at work, because so much went unsaid… We're still making money, but we'll never be friends again. I'd advise best friends going into business together to treat it like marriage. Talk about stuff before you get hitched, possible issues, possible compromises. And sign a pre-nup." –Kaya, 34

The BFFs (Because They Started a Business)

"I thought we were best friends before we started our company. But working side-by-side to get things done every day, everything from negotiating bank loans to figuring out how many projects we can take on, it's made me respect and empathize and totally love my friend on another level. We're really partners in something, and working together on projects we believe in has made us stronger, and—I think—better. Hang on, let me text her… Yeah, she says better!"–Tamika, 38

...And a Bonus Story From My Mom

"In more intense jobs, where it's not 'just a job,' it's a mission or it's a lifestyle, you have a 'team'—you don't call them your department, you call them your 'team.' And that kind of bonding goes beyond friendship. You create your own 'work family.' And there will be more drama there, because there's more at stake than a paycheck. Your work is very personal, so the people working with you become part of your personal life. And that's exciting, but it requires more patience, because sisterhood isn't always easy, even if it's always worth the effort." –Bonnie, Ageless (!)

*Some of these names have been changed as the request of contributors.

Tune in to the second season of UnREAL, premiering on Lifetime on June 6 at 10/9c.

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