There’s been a lot of debate over who is actually at fault for starting the violent Real Housewives of Atlantapajama party throwdown between Apollo Nida and Kenya Moore’s assistant Brandon DeShazer. While the party’s host NeNe Leakes has been quick to point her finger at Kenya, relationship expert and TV personality Iyanla Vanzant thinks it’s NeNe herself who is most to blame.

The Iyanla: Fix My Life host was watching the February 9 episode of RHoA alongside the rest of us, and took to her Twitter to voice her opinion on the upsetting turn of events.

“Andy Cohen It was all very sad,” Iyanla begins her tweet, adding, “As adults all had equal responsibility. I give most of it to the host and the hateful gossip.”

This stance will surely do wonders to appease Kenya, who has said from the beginning that NeNe should admit her part in the whole situation. And as much as it hurts us to admit that our girl Linnethia might have been wrong, it seems pretty obvious that only bad things could have come out of an evening filled with drinks, drama, and hot tempers. We know she thought laying things out on the table could help clear the air, but in a crowd like this, it’s no surprise it would end up in fireworks.

On the other hand, Iyanla is also right to say that all parties involved in the actual physical fight (ahem, Apollo) should answer for their actions. It was tough to watch these adults that we’ve grown invested in act so aggressively, and we can imagine it was even tougher to be there for the actual showdown.

Who do you think should take the blame for the Pillow Talk fight? Tell us in the comments below.