Monday, July 20, 2009

Confession

So I have a confession and who better to share with than you guys. When I went to TX I saw Toot. I know, I know but he had gotten in touch with me and asked to meet up and I couldn't resist. My plan was to just show him how great I am still and even better (I have been working out a couple times a week again).

Well I think I may have made things worse for myself. All those old feelings came rushing back as soon as I saw him. I don't know what it is either. He isn't the best looking guy I ever talked to, nor the tallest and he's a smoker....

Originally our plan was to go to dinner Sunday, which turned to lunch plans instead. Then he asked if we could see each other Saturday too. So seeing him two days in a row was good but bad. The reasons that I stopped talking to him are still very present and yet, I wanted to be in his presence anyway.

Sunday when we parted ways I was sad, I can admit it. We've been talking mostly through email since I left. I've been trying to talk some sense into myself. I did so good those six weeks with no contact. But when he texted me about how he knows I asked him not to contact me but he missed me, I melted and let the barrier down.

I know that suppressing my feelings for him won't help but I'm convinced that once I meet someone that I really like that I won't think about him so much. I hope it happens because I'm really ready to have a happy and healthy relationship.

7 comments:

Trish baby, Thats okay. Sometimes our hearts lead us into the most confusing situations. Follow it.Someone will come along and eventually he will be placed in a box of memories. You deserve a happy and healthy relationship mamas!

yea, i don't have helpful advice...I will say...analyze why those feelings came back..is it because you're lonely and he's safe..is it because you haven't let go of the things that COULD make it work..like "oh if he stopped smoking, everything would be okay"

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I have always had a passion for writing. I've kept journals since I learned how to form a sentence in grade school. Writing helps me express and release situations I encounter. What you will be reading are my thoughts and interactions...