Monday, February 16, 2009

The Daddy Diaries - Post #100!

Today is the 100th post on The Daddy Diaries and it comes on Kaylani's 101st day that she's been with us (outside of the womb at least). Unfortunately it didn't coincide with her 100th day which would have been pretty cool, but I've missed 3 posting days since she was born (but had 2 pre-natal posts if you're wondering how I'm only one day off). Anyways, let's kick off this special Daddy blogging day, and the first day of Kaylani's 2nd century of days.

About a week ago, I made a slight change to The Daddy Diaries that may have been unnoticeable to most. Besides the picture slideshow that is now on the right hand side, it allowed for better archiving of all my posts. I originally clicked around past posts of mine just to see how it worked, but I found myself reading each one with new enthusiasm. At that point, it had only been 3 months since I started blogging, but as I read post after post, I realized how much I had forgotten, and just how glad I was to have posted as diligently as I have.

I re-read the first post I ever did, the one where I wasn't even officially a Dad yet. And as I read it, I remembered anxiously waiting for the day we would finally meet Kaylani, and all the fear and joy of those final days. Were we ready? Was I going to be a good Dad? Was she even going to like me? And what will she look like? Then I read a few more posts, including the one I wrote in the hospital at 5:30 in the morning just hours after she was born. I was a Dad, and the proudest Dad anyone could be. The next few days in the hospital were unbelievable, and mostly spent staring at Kaylani and actually saying "We made you!"

Before I knew it, I was all caught up and had read every single post and relived every single moment that I've shared. Each post spun off different memories in my own head, ones that never quite made it into the blog but still were clear as day to me. And all of this made me remember why I do what I do.

I do my best to write every single day so that I can remember every single day that goes by. I don't even need to write about what we did each day because whatever the topic of the day is brings back it's own memories. This blog has made me feel closer to my daughter, and closer to Mommy, and closer to myself. I read back on 3 months worth of posts and was taken aback by how much had happened. I can only imagine what it will be like when Kaylani (and Mommy and Daddy) are much older and we read back on all of these same stories that I'm writing right now. It's been an amazing journey to live, and I think it'll be just as amazing to relive it in the future.

And of course, I write this blog so that I can share my life with my family, my friends, and maybe even complete strangers. I hope you all find it entertaining to read because I certainly have been entertained writing it. But most importantly, I write this blog so that someday I can share it with Kaylani. Maybe then she'll realize just how much she means to me, because I'll never be able to get it into words, no matter how hard I try.