The Facebook Fiasco

You don’t need to be religious to appreciate the dangers of the Internet.

The 28-year-old founder of Facebook officially became a multi-billionaire and one of the wealthiest people in the world the day his company went public. Then, in a short few days, he watched his net worth diminished by several billion dollars when his company made history as one of the greatest IPO flops.

While large IPOs on average trade up by 20% on their first day, Facebook's flat performance on day one, and nearly 11% decline on day two, set the stage for further declines in what remains an unfinished story about a stock whose future remains highly uncertain to Wall Street and the investment community. In the wake of the unfolding scandal, investors are suing and the entire IPO process is being called into question.

Zuckerberg’s intermarriage, insuring the end of his Jewish lineage, was far more tragic than his failed stock offering.

But Zuckerberg still had one more momentous event scheduled for his IPO week. On that Saturday he got married to his longtime sweetheart. From a traditional Jewish perspective, the fact that it was an intermarriage, effectively insuring that the Zuckerberg Jewish lineage would now come to an end, was far more tragic than the fate of a failed stock offering. While there are no fears about the couple’s future financial security, no matter how much Facebook stock continues to underperform, it is fascinating to speculate on their marriage’s chances for long-term bliss based on hubby’s impact on contemporary society’s mores.

Facebook and the future of marriage is an issue that finally is getting some much-needed attention. As Quentin Fottrell of Smart Money perceptively pointed out, more than a third of divorce filings last year contained the word "Facebook," according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a legal services firm. And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

“I see Facebook issues breaking up marriages all the time,” says Gary Traystman, a divorce attorney in New London, Conn. Of the 15 cases he handles per year where computer history, texts and emails are admitted as evidence, 60% exclusively involve Facebook.

K. Jason Krafsky, who together with his wife Kelli authored the book Facebook and Your Marriage tells us “Affairs happen with a lightning speed on Facebook.” In the real world, he says, office romances and out-of-town trysts can take months or even years to develop. “On Facebook,” he says, “they happen in just a few clicks.”

Face-to-Face

Perhaps the most ironic aspect of Facebook relationships is that they lack the all-important aspect of face-to-face contact. In Jewish tradition the unique and intense connection between Moses and God is expressed with the Hebrew “panim el panim” – face to face. The word's three-letter root, p’nim, meansinner essence. Speaking "face to face" means to share who we really are, to transmit the very core of our being. That is how God spoke to Moses, demonstrating His great love and closeness for the leader of the Jewish people.

And that is precisely what's missing in Facebook interactions. We do not see each other. We merely exchange words. We have no way of knowing whether they are true or not. We lack any clues we might learn from facial expressions. If Shakespeare was right and “eyes are the windows into the soul," Facebook closes the blinds and leaves us literally blind to each other.

Furtive meetings are only one "text" away.

Facebook romances are often based on fantasy. That's why they seem so much more appealing than our real-life connections. We are far quicker to give a thumbs-up “like” to someone we don't really know, but create in our own ideal image, than to a flesh and blood person before us who comes with the mixture of the qualities as well as the flaws of a normal human being.

Affairs become not only far more appealing but also possible. Furtive meetings are only a "text" away. And the Internet continues to alter the landscape of sexual relationships.

Major attention to this phenomenon was initiated at a mass rally held at Citi Field in New York, attended by over 45,000 observant Jews. Billed as a protest against the dangers of the Internet, it is regrettable that the black-hatted sponsors were made to appear by the media as the equivalent of a brand of Jewish Amish opposed to technological innovation. What very few seemed willing to do was to acknowledge valid areas of concern for even the most open-minded of Internet users concerned with its impact on contemporary society.

To be outraged by the easy accessibility of pornography to our children doesn't require extreme religious sensitivity. A simple acceptance of civilized norms should have prompted righteous anger from society’s secular leaders in almost the same measure as it motivated the rabbis who arranged for the mass rally of warning against the moral dangers of the Internet.

But it isn't just porn that needs to be focused on as the sole area of concern.

No one could accuse Eric Schmidt, executive chairman of Google, of religious fanaticism or exaggerated fear of harmful effects of Internet addiction. Yet, invited to receive an honorary degree and to deliver the keynote address to the graduating class of Boston University, the idea he felt most important to share with them was to challenge them to "take the radical step of tearing their eyes away from their smart phones and computer screens.”

The Google chairman urged students to "take one hour a day and turn that thing off."

While stressing that electronic tools can be very positive forces, he urged the students to "take one hour a day and turn that thing off." To rousing applause from an audience who grew up relying on Google's search engine, email, and other services, Schmidt begged his listeners: “Take your eyes off that screen and look into the eyes of the person you love. Have a conversation, a real conversation."

His words resonate with very special meaning for Sabbath observant Jews. We have long come to recognize that for our lives to have meaning we must be the masters of our technology - and the only way to prove our mastery is by demonstrating our ability to control its power over us. When we can no longer call a halt to our creations we must admit we have formed Frankensteins that if left solely to their own devices can destroy us.

We go Schmidt one better. We don't just "take an hour a day and turn that thing off," but for a full day out of seven we substitute the human contact of the Sabbath table for texting, and family face-to-face conversations for Facebook.

And that doesn't make us religious fanatics. It simply means we are realistic enough to realize that as wonderful as the Internet is, it must come with a label "handle with care."

Related Articles:

About the Author

Rabbi Benjamin Blech, a frequent contributor to Aish, is a Professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University and an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, and lecturer. Author of 14 highly acclaimed books with combined sales of over a half million copies, his newest, The World From A Spiritual Perspective, is a collection of over 100 of his best Aish articles. See his website at www.benjaminblech.com.

Visitor Comments: 81

God created the internet. It is not the problem. Humans with free choice are (including myself)
Right?

(55)
SusanE,
June 3, 2012 1:54 PM

Facebook cashes in on our Weakness.

Facebook isn't Social Media. And it was never meant to be that. It is a creative business that profits from human weakness. Zuckerberg really sold you on that fallacy didn't he? http://www.technologyreview.com/web/40437/?nlid=nldly&nld=2012-05-22

(54)
Estelle ,
June 3, 2012 9:52 AM

Mr. Blech,
Thank you for expressing your views about "electronic" relationships. I feel they are empty of substance and deprive people of the ability to make good, clear judgements. I believe they can be only superficial relationships. This applies to all religious and non religious people. I am a Facebook member only to recieve pictures of my wonderful great grandson and family members. I have gained knowledge/information from my computer and I rely on it for many things, but I can't imagine a relationship developing in such a one dimensional environment.

(53)
BenK,
June 1, 2012 1:36 AM

ashame many readers posted completely off the topic of this article

It seems this article was reminding us Jews of the importance of HOLINESS/PURITY (Kdoshim Tihiyoo). Open free unlimited access to all sorts of porn to all at all times in the provacy of your home is what the internet and iphones or ipads with internet are. Now imagine that with our children. I want to mention I recently had Cable on my TV (FAMILY CHannel) and found as I preused channels a lot of channels with scenes I definitley would not want my children to see (including MTV and numbers for prostitutes???) Hapily I saw on Cable a parent can block channels.

(52)
Anonymous,
May 31, 2012 5:10 AM

.......continuation.......

....... CONTINUATIOIN,
I wish the Zuckerman long lives, great happiness……. MAY THE LORD BLESS THEM, MAY THE LORD KEEP THEM SAFE AND HEALTHY, HAPPY AND BOND THEIR HEARTS AND SOULS. MAY THE LORD ALWAYS PROTECTION BE WITH THEM, SHINING HIS LIGHT ON THEIR LIVES AND OFFSPRINGS……. ALWAYS!!!!!!!! MATZEL TOV TO THE ZUCKERMAN’S…….
At times you seem to be so scared of others following the example of Mr. Zuckerman that emotions are stronger than wisdom.
Religion % have been divorced
Info found in the internet (Varna) is:
Jews 30%
Born-again Christians 27%
Other Christians 24%
Atheists, Agnostics 21%
Mother waas far more religious than Father ever was, extremely strict dad, he preached weel the law, but did not obeyed it quite well....... Mother was best at it for sure, and I of course as liberal as I might sound to you do and practice what I am expected to do.......
See ya in another month, when I come back to reviw this article....... Well, that is if you do not get me out of the list to continue to get receiving e-mails. :-)

(51)
Anonymous,
May 31, 2012 5:03 AM

Facts, reality, morallity....... Judgment!!!!

Hello world,
I find it annoying at times to find so much negativism in Judaism as the article about Mr. and Mrs. Zuckerman perspires.......
Has anyone asked Mr. Zuckerman what his belief are? Has anyone though at all about happiness which is the ultimate purpose in life, happiness and to be loved and to love.
Even if there is a Fiasco on Facebook, it does not means it will transport to his personal life. This is what keeps me from organized religion, I want to hear about Hashim, not how you insult and seem to enjoy degrading a person’s ethnicity just because she is not Jewish.......
Would you regret your comment if you were to find out that she might be of Jewish decent or Jewish herself?
Have you hear of Indian Jewish people? Chinese Jewish people, Sephardic Jews in Latin America?
I wish I could go to a synagogue and listen ONLY about GOD and NOT to how everyone else is unwelcome....... Yet, you see so much advertizing on how GOD wants us to BE KIND TO A STRANGER....... Please....... give me a break, how have you been kind to the Zuckerman’s.
My grandmother tried hard to get my father to divorce mother, just because of her ethnicity……. Funny, at the end it ended up mother being of the same ethnic group of my father……. It was so stupid for her to have caused so much fiasco and chaos in our lives……. Mother was born outside Israel in another continent and they assume so fast that she could not possibly be of their same descend……. It is so ridiculous to try to curse their marriage and hope they end up divorcing as it can be interpreted from your message……. At times the things you wish for others turn around and might happen to someone close to home.
To be continued.......

Zev,
May 31, 2012 4:09 PM

Some very wise words. Thank you.

Anonymous,
June 1, 2012 4:10 PM

servant of G-d or not?

you seem to be an authentic seeker of truth. G-d is true. He is one, His Torah is one and we are his people, whom he has drawn close to him, and made a covenant with us, telling us to learn, observe and teach his laws. Ethical laws, judicial laws, and those pertaining between man and G-d. One who desecrates the name of G-d willingly, by knowingly violating his commandments and in public is a terrible sin. To marry a foreign women and in public, in defiance of G-d is such a sin. HOW can you not protest and besmirch the actions of such a person. G-d who commanded us to lead lives of kindness, and compassion, tells us in such a case to protest this great insolance and desecration of his name.

(50)
Anonymous,
May 31, 2012 2:19 AM

Self digital narcissism

Yes, self digital narcissism is the new name for all those who love to spend time on Facebook and other social media, according to Professor Sherry Turkle, at MIT. It seems that we are confusing our inner and our outer worlds, thanks to this media. (CNN news May 30, 2012). We are losing our sense of self. We falsely believe that we have these friendships but what we are doing is creating an illusion. Anyway, there is only one way out of this sickness and it is not the off button. It is called not getting on or creating an account. What is really strange is that we spend countless hours telling our children what is or is not good for them and yet we are warning adults and they refuse. Believe it or not there is a cognitive bias that prevents us from listening but that is a different story. Rabbi, thanks for bringing up this subject. It reminds me of alcoholics who deny they have a problem.

(49)
Lou@slp-id.com,
May 30, 2012 9:22 PM

Actually, you are dead wrong

There are linguistic algo's developed to determine deceptive posts. Also, there are linguistic algo's developed to detect online sexual predators and tools available to let parents screen for porn. In fact, an online identity-to-online identity can be (and soon will be) something that can't lie as well as human-to-human dialogue. Which then will be more honest, Rabbi?

(48)
Ye,
May 30, 2012 12:09 PM

Facebook isn't good or bad and it depends on who uses it...so it's not wise to condemn him directly...why don't you look at it from another angle...now a ton more information are available to everyone...and I see a lot of sharing of love and peace on facebook...even I am ethnically Chinese and .it was facebook that led me here...should we also thank him for that? I do not know about Judaism...but in my opinion, this article is so "hmmmm...." ...of course, I can't look at this as if it represents Judaism... in Chinese, we have this "wuji" philosophy...we look at it from center...and then we can be a lot wiser...

(47)
Lisa,
May 30, 2012 11:04 AM

There is an "OFF" button

Are we locking our chocolate in a safe deposit box? Why lock up the internet? Just locate the "OFF" button & you won't see what you shouldn't !! Let's work on our will power.....!!

(46)
Raphaelle Do Lern Hwei,
May 30, 2012 7:57 AM

All Is Not Lost

Mrs Patricia Chen Zuckerberg may grow to love kosher food and become Jewish. There are one or two adherents to Judaism at one of the Singapore synagogues. The main issue for Chinese when converting are ancestors/ extended family and possibly food. Is Mr Mark Zuckerberg an Orthodox Jew? I only see that he is ethnic Jewish from his surname. Mark is not a Hebrew name - it is Roman. I need those living near the happy couple to comment.

(45)
Anonymous,
May 30, 2012 7:36 AM

You got the point well. Important message to all people in all nations and religions. Thank you.

(44)
Moshe,
May 30, 2012 5:38 AM

The Internet, Good and Bad

The Internet has also brought many people together and created good marriages, people who may still be lonely.
Like everything there are good points and bad points and we have to know how to sort them out.
As for Mr Z, well if he can have anti-Israel groups on Facebook then certainly it’s no shock that he can marry out of his faith.
I for one would not cry if I woke up tomorrow morning and find that my Facebook had disappeared in fact they would do me a favor, but in the mean time I share my family photos and stories.
In fact last night I deleted a friend as his sexual orientation was becoming unbearable and I was ashamed that my friends would see his pictures.
The Internet can be very destroying and it can help us grow as well.
Being a person who has same sex attractions its very easy to go into the Internet and find pictures that are incorrect or sites that are wrong, any one can say they are over 18 and find someone to hook up with, where is the proof of my age when I press I agree.
But each day I can keep away from seeing a guy in his birthday suite or not go into craigslist and find someone in Jerusalem to hook up with, male or female, male of course then I have gained a reward.
I want to add that in Craigslist you will find many frum Jews looking for a male partner to fool around with for the night even for curiosity.
My guess is you will not print this but I just wanted to open your eyes for what is happening and what is not, you may delete what you do not like

C,
May 30, 2012 8:57 PM

I'll daven for you, Moshe.

I hope you have hatzlocha getting out of your current position. See www.guardureyes.com for some help.

(43)
Anonymous,
May 30, 2012 4:49 AM

So why does Aish have "Facebook" all over it;s pages?

I hate Facebook. Who cares if someone"LIKES" what you say or do??
Why does Aish have such heavy links to such a silly site? It's a shame. You have a website, why the facebook links everywhere? Set an example. Get OFF Facebook.

(42)
shla kirche,
May 30, 2012 1:49 AM

Brilliant article. We are the Masters and the internet our Servant

As I said above, the relationship should be Master and Servant, we being the Master and the Internet our Servant

(41)
Bayla Lowy,
May 29, 2012 11:36 PM

Get off of FACEBOOK now!

Facebook is destroying marriages, relationships and peoples lives in general. It leaves you with the feeling that you are never good enough because you look at other peoples lives and see how "perfect" their live must be compared to yours. Facebook reinforces competition, jealousy and animosity.
Get off FACEBOOK now!

Sammy,
May 31, 2012 12:57 PM

people destroy relationships, not Facebook

If someone went to a hotel room to cheat on their spouse, would we say that hotels destroy marriages? I think its time to stop making facebook the scapegoat

(40)
tullymd,
May 29, 2012 9:43 PM

Boycott facebook

This is just another insider Wall Street scandal,The "do not bear false witness and do not steal" are 2 commandments I heard on Shavuot. Up till now we were powerless to effect the plurocracy.
What a lesson for the world if we ALL disengaged from facebook. Herem to Facebook. Tzedek Tzedek Tiridoph!!

(39)
joseph salowitz,
May 29, 2012 7:29 PM

He married a doctor

It's a shame that his future children are lost to Orthodox Judaism. But, it's not ALL bad. After all, he followed the advice of every Jewish mother, when he married a doctor. Every romance is based on fantasy, not just Facebook romances. Actually, Facebook conversations allow you to get to know the "REAL" person, before your eyes provide the fantasy of face-to-face interaction.

(38)
Ana,
May 29, 2012 7:23 PM

He broke the chain

Unfortunately , many see Mr. Z asa brilliant person , but I believe he forgot his roots, heritage and more importantly he broke the chain and the opportunity to continue with a wonderful way of life as judaism is !!!
Sorry he missed the point

(37)
Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 6:19 PM

Is your Marriage stronger than Facebook

I would venture to say if Facebook can end your marriage, there was something wrong with your marriage to begin with. If you have the love you should have had when you married, you should have the desire to resist the temptations presented by others or the internet. The problem these days is all too often "if my marriage doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce". Lust, not love, too often is the basis for that kind of marriage. My husband and I both were on Facebook and our marriage lasted 43 yrs 2 months and 8 days, until his recent death. Not one time was I tempted to look for something better because I loved a ,man who loved me and we did not hesitant to let each other know that.

(36)
Charles Stern,
May 29, 2012 5:41 PM

The internet is not the problem

The internet, and facebook, don't cause problems. They might help to accelerate the devolution of existing problems, but they are not the source of problems.

tom,
May 29, 2012 7:09 PM

but it exasperates the problem

and having access to porn creates a problem for all

Anonymous,
May 31, 2012 3:49 PM

Porn is available at the corner store

One can get porn magazines at the local store. If I or my husband wanted to buy it - or peruse it for free, we could. We choose not to include it in our lives.
Availability does not cause the problem, intent does.

(35)
morley goldberg,
May 29, 2012 5:40 PM

( 25 ) shunrata

( 25 ) Shunrata makes perfect sense to me. A philosopher wrote in the 1970's " The medium is the message ". i think that it applies here. Don't shoot the messenger.

(34)
Ruth Temple-Murray,
May 29, 2012 5:24 PM

A rose by any other name ...

You are what you are ... this can never be taken from you, you might straddle the pathway, you might choose to go direct but each individual has their own choices to make - and having said that - each individual has their own lessons to learn. Some lessons of life are not available in a text book as much as they are not available on the internet. Whatever the lesson that you learn (and it is at the grace of the Almighty that we do learn) may you be strong and heed what you are then taught to be able to bring to humanity a kinder, stronger and more balanced perspective. When I say balanced perspective there are times when for instance your wife or husband are away for long stretches at a time and the ability to text and/or video call just make that communication so much more real. If you are texting to the cyberspace to someone unknown then you are surely seeking, or lacking in a way - the lesson however remains for the individual - I pray for your enlightenment and observance.

(33)
Zev,
May 29, 2012 4:51 PM

Shallow article

This article is so shallow, esp. abt the intermarriage...they've been together for 9 yrs, longer than many marriages lasted...and how do you know what's really going on between them and Mark&G-d? Whether he is atheist or not is none of our business yet the fact is the impact of Facebook is THERE...and only G-d knows who's really running the show or maybe HE wants to wake these narrow-minded people up (w/ the shallow "Chosen people" concept...and G-d is a million times smarter than that)...this world was created for everyone, whether you are Jewish or not...think and analyze before blaming this or that in the so-called outside world...

renee,
May 29, 2012 6:14 PM

it IS our business

All we need to know is that mark is jewish and she's not. the point of this article isn'tabout intermarriage, but you can't mention mark's marriage and simply ignore the elephant inthe room -- one needs to let out a cry -- if you believe inernmarriage is wrong, which most relgious jews believe. And the smart god you're talking about is the one who forbade intermarriage. No oneblames mark for intermarrying -- he has no understanding of what being jewish means, so why should marrying jewish be a deal breaker for him? but that is the challenge of our generation --- to teach jews why being jewish is so meaningful that they choose on their own accord someone who feels likewise.

RobS,
May 30, 2012 11:13 AM

Your understanding of "chosen people" is what is shallow.

Your understanding of "chosen people" is what is shallow. It means responsibility to live Torah is for Jews. And that means Deut. 7:3-4 which explicitly prohibits intermarriage. Zuckerberg is not at fault., though. The people who raised him are to blame for Judaism and Torah meaning nothing to him.

Zev,
May 30, 2012 7:40 PM

Agree, my understanding of the “Chosen people” is what it is shallow…TYVM. Who wrote Deuteronomy 7:3-4? First, is that directly from the Lord himself? If so, why would the Lord threaten you that his “ANGER” would burn against you. I thought God is love. Second, if anyone of you can condemn one’s wrongdoing based on one of the “rules” in the bible..then how many of you (after 1000s years) have actually lived according to every single rule in the bible? And do you (or your wife, children, relatives, and friends) follow every mitzvah. And, are these people the happiest people in the world (Same to Christianity and Islam)? If so, have you people contributed more goodness to the world (same to Christianity &Islam) than others? You don’t need to be religious to know that too…and why is aish.com still using facebook? I think the author has planted the wrong seed. This article is not helping aish.com or Judaism or even Mark Zuckerberg himself if he’s reading it and all the comments. Let’s face it, even the Torah scholar cannot truly understand the Torah if he does not comprehend what it means to other human beings…how much do you know about the Torah? Torah is far too profound to be mastered by any single individual, no matter how wise…because no one knows exactly what Hashem is thinking…there must a reason why Mark Zuckerberg (1 in a billion) was born a Jew…and how he met his non-Jewish wife…so it’s better to keep silent and watch…rather than slamming Facebook…and do you know, through facebook, many Jewish people have found aish.com and are slowly rediscovering their roots…but this article just doesn’t help…if they want to do it, they should do it wisely…I’m mixed too btw.

(32)
Jules Farber,
May 29, 2012 4:06 PM

Hooray for David and Shunrata

Rabbi Blech segues from the IPO flop, to intermarriage, to money, to Facebook being a correspondent in an unfathomable number of divorces, to on-line affairs (more on that presently) -- all in order to make the point that people should turn off their computers and cell phones on Shabbos.
How confused an essay, and how banal a conclusion.
Two additional points about Rabbi Blech's muddled writing:
1. He talks about the "affairs' that emerge via Facebook. But he also says, "Perhaps the most ironic aspect of Facebook relationships is that they lack the all-important aspect of face-to-face contact." Well, then it's not much of an affair, is it?
2. He says that "eyes are windows into the soul" is from Shakespeare. This is an old proverb, repeated by numerous writers. If Shakespeare was one of them, I can't find it.
Alas, David is right. If this is what Judaism is preaching, other fields -- equally chaste and honorable as the religion of Torah -- are represented by vastly more thoughtful and persuasive exemplars. Don't blame Facebook.

(31)
Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 3:57 PM

Face to Face

I feel that Face to Face is the way to go; but most people are afraid that their true identities would be uncovered if they were to allow a Face to Face relationship.

Mark Zuckerberg (and all those like him) didn't marry non-Jews because of the dangers of the internet. The internet is just another piece of society in general... condemning it is missing the point. Temptations have always been there to rival what religion teaches-- if you don't offer a product that is more attractive than what I can find on the internet (or in a book, or a movie, or anywhere else), then the problem is not the temptations, it's your product.

Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 7:26 PM

not the point

rabbi blechdidn't say that facebook causes intermarriage, he was just bemoaning the sad fate of mark marrying out. never before has access to so much depravity been available to people of all ages, including children. of course that is going to negatively impact society

(28)
Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 2:34 PM

Someone Needed to Say It

I suspect that some would take back a comment so quickly given at a click, if they could. I worry that much on the net is dangerous beyond what we can imagine. Every good inovation can be used for evil, yes, but I can't imagine one to match FB and other social networks.

(27)
Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 2:25 PM

Why Facebook?

Your points are very well taken. However, while the internet does have its advantages, if indeed Facebook is so detrimental (and indeed it is!), why does every article on Aish say "Follow us on Facebook"? While one can appreciate that Aish is trying to reach as many unaffiliated Jews as possible, why would Aish produce an article deriding Facebook - and on the bottom of the very same article - invite you to "Follow us on Facebook"?

izzy,
May 29, 2012 3:54 PM

Aish tries to help the situation

By being on facebook, aish is tying to help in any way possible the situation. Aish by no means is supporting the use of facebook. The same goes for TV Torah programs etc.
Hope this helps.

(26)
David,
May 29, 2012 1:51 PM

A shame what ''Suckerthemberg'' does not who he married

So, yes Mark Zuckerberg is Jewish. An apostate Jew.
The shame isn't that he is marrying a non-Jew who is irreligious just like him. They share the same religious beliefs and same lack of desire to fully preserve their individual traditions. As Rabbi Botech argued to Alan Dershwitz the desire for a non-practicing Jew to marry another Jew is nothing short of racism. The problem is that Mark Zuckerberg doesn't appreciate, understand or practice his religion.
Who knows maybe his non-Jewish wife is a much sweeter, kinder human being then he. Might be the case.
As far as the comment about his money now going to non-Jewish children. Fine. It's his money. And, along with his money his lack of Jewish values will also go to his children so even trade. Facebook destroys real relationships and makes weak-minded people zombies who plant virtual gardens on Farmville and ask others to take time away from real life to water their virtual gardens when they are on vacation.
It's a shame with Zuckberg does not who he married!

(25)
shunrata,
May 29, 2012 1:32 PM

give me a break

My grandparents courted by mail, and that's how my neighbor received his Playboy magazines. Let's ban the postal service.

(24)
Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 1:19 PM

re facebook

bubby and gr bubby; i think facebk is dangerous
u never know who is out there and i dont think it is at all a secure site as some people choose to believe
i also thought about zuckerburg's marriage on Shabbos
and i think the he needs to take stock of all his dealings altho i doubt there will b any thought given to his choice of a wife
it's all bydei shamayim so we will have to wait and see what Hashem has in store for them
even tho he thinks he is a self made man

(23)
Susan Rubinstein,
May 29, 2012 1:04 PM

Zuckerbergs generation did not grow up with the same morals and values as my generation did (I am 53). Many of his generation's parents got divorced and were spoiled baby boomers...My parents were WW2 generation and instilled a different mindset. i see it in my nieces his age group, many are internarrying and don't seem to have the same feelings I had at that age about being jewish.They were raised with computers and just don't have the same spirituality or creativity that my generation has..it's sad..My 18 yr old son, a newer generation refuses to post on facebook and wants to remain private. I think the tide is turning..also my son wants to marry only a jewish girl, but then again I raised him this way and unfortunately many boomer parents did not instill the pride in being jewish as I have with my son..And keep in mind, I am divorced from an Israeli man who abandoned his son and I, but my son still values being jewish and after learning about the Holocaust in school, he is more determined than ever to marry within our faith to keep our people growing.

(22)
Beth,
May 29, 2012 12:41 PM

Why are other dangers ignored?

Although there are certain red flags that should be addressed regarding the internet, it seems as though more pressing community concerns are ignored, because as a people, we do not wish to face them. Child abuse, molestation, and racism are rife in our communities. The same schools that these Charedi sects send their children to only accept a quota of Sephardi children into their classes. Known child abusers are accepted and protected in their communities, while the victims are left to suffer. Chained women who have been waiting for years to receive their gittin have no one to turn to. Sorry Rabbi Blech, the internet does present many problems, but to ignore all of these other issues creates a much larger problem, and a more dangerous world.

jamie,
May 29, 2012 12:59 PM

They are NOT being ignored

Lets give the leading rabbis credit for doing something proactive about a genuine threat that affects millions of Jews. Yes there are many issues affecting the Jewish world today and they all need to be dealt with, but this one is potentiallyfar graver, if you had to weigh them, than the ones you mention. Don't get me wrong -- each of the concerns you mentioned are serious, child abuse is horrific and MUST be dealt with, but they affect a small group of people, and they are being dealt in different ways. Our rabbis are looking at the big picture - i suspect you yourself have been personally affected by abuse and that 's why its such an emotional issue, but we need objectivity here, and that is where relying on the sage guidance of our rabbinic leaders comes in. Your assumption that the other problems are being ignored is wrong.

Eli. A,
May 29, 2012 1:46 PM

Dangers If internet??

Ok readin your reply kind of made me want to post this but how do you say child abuse affects a small group of people? It affects a persons entire life! The Internet as dangerous as it seems also has protective barriers which will protect people or kids from accidentally or purposly looking from porn. Facebook is a persons choice to be on, the Internet is not the culprit. People are. It's the people who seek out extra marital affairs, pornography, an dirt. People should be blamed, not the Internet. The Internet is an extremely powerful tool of knowledge. You learn almost anything secular and or religious through the Internet. A person always find what they are looking for Internet or not. If a person wants to cheat they will find a way without Facebook or the Internet. It can go both ways. What I don't understand is why Jews would protect another Jew who ruined the life of a child or family and should be in jail get to enjoy freedom like everyone else. And if the family speaks out they are pariahs of the community??? The children get kicked out of schools and parents lose their jobs??? What kind of people are we to protect sick people? Why should they not suffer and rot in prison for their crimes? Because they are Jewish?? We should publicly humiliate people like that and throw them in prison to let the world and the criminals know that we do not tolerate such things and that we as a people are responsible and brave enough to tackle such issues in our own backyard!!!

elana,
May 29, 2012 7:03 PM

Yeah sure, small problems

Right! Such small problems; of course fb is MUCH worse then me not having my get bec my spouse refuses to give one. Me and MANY women like me, are prisoners to these men, but FACEBOOK is so much worse!! I don't see a Rabbi writting on how to work on the problems of giving women a way out of the gets, but facebook gets a whole write up! Maybe ban the phones since you can use the phones to call your mistresses or a porn number. Why not, it is MUCH worse than child abuse or women being held prisoners because they can't get their get.

tom,
May 29, 2012 7:32 PM

your comment only provesthe point

i feel terrible about your intolerable situation, and of course every rabbi feels the same way. but once again, you're being totally -- and understandly -- subjective. tens of millions of people are affected by this scourge. and a way smaller number is affected by abuse and agunas. They are ALL terrible, dpon't get me wrong, but if one has to make the difficult decision to organize a mass rally on an issue that affects the entire nation -- the sacntity of the nation besieged by the internet destroying marriages and one's sense of spirituality on a mass scale, is a higher priority.

(21)
SusanE,
May 28, 2012 10:58 PM

Facebook isn't a Social Network.

Hello Rabbi Blech. Thank you for the article. I am on Facebook and have a few friends, so know what it is about, but to a lesser degree than most, but I know this for sure ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Facebook sells You. YOU are the free product that it sells to thousands of business marketers, drug companies, travel sites, pollsters, politics, and now governments. But in the end we alone are responsible for what we make public on the internet. Facebook just cashes in on our incessant need to tell all . We break up our own marriages by our own actions. Facebook doesn't. ~~~~~~~~~~~ As far as Zuckerberg losing money on the IPO..... couldn't happen to a more deserving guy! He founded Facebook to use people to his financial advantage. I think that stinks.
Facebook is an Information Gathering Network.... not a Social Network. You give them that information free of charge everytime you log in.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/19/technology/facebook-builds-network-of-friends-in-washington.html

Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 7:05 PM

Facebook is a social network

Just like you stated in your comment, fb is a social network (you have a few friends, right?) If it is as bad as you say, stop using it!!

(20)
Anonymous,
May 28, 2012 3:09 PM

My son's marriage went down the tubes due to an affair being started on Facebook. We are all guilty of our world being in the condition it is currently in. I knew these two married people that started an affair at work. When the man's wife discovered it, she was deeply hurt, but wanted to work on the marriage. Her husband said ok, but that he had no intention of giving his mistress up. That is how we are with things that are bringing our world down. We say that we need to work on this & that, but at the same time, we refuse to give the things up that are bringing our world down. It isn't necessarily a Facebook, etc. problem. It is a sinful heart problem.

(19)
Jerry Solomon,
May 28, 2012 12:44 PM

Outstanding, not solely because I share the views expressed. R. Blech's commentaries stimulate my thought processes, for which I am truly appreciative. Shalom.

(18)
Anonymous,
May 27, 2012 9:56 AM

I disagree with headline

I do not think intermarriage is related to the dangers of the Internet, how many "Zuckerbergs" have intermarried in the past without the existence of facebook. In the US there is the concept of diversity and this one is very strong in the mind of everyone Jew or Gentile

(17)
Lamar,
May 27, 2012 3:03 AM

Hmmm

(16)
Deena,
May 25, 2012 10:26 PM

Leave Zuckerberg Out Of It

The dangers of Facebook on marriage are an issue in its own right. I have no love of Facebook (I refuse to get an account or invest) and I have no interest in Zuckerberg as a celebrity billionaire, but it was unnecessary to mention Zuckerberg's finances or marriage in this article. The fact that he was mentioned at all was distracting from the overall problem of how an Average Joe Facebook user risks starting an online affair. Intermarriage or not, Zuckerberg's marriage deserves some level of sanctity, instead of Rabbi Blech's invitation to "speculate on their marriage's chances for long-term bliss". This attempt at a good lead-in was uncalled for.

Unaova,
May 29, 2012 2:04 PM

Leave Zuckerberg out of it

Deena, I agree with you. There was no need to address Zuckerberg's marriage and finances as a lead in to this article except to keep it current. Otherwise it does distract from the point.

(15)
Wassim,
May 25, 2012 7:33 PM

DivorceBook and Chinese ex-wives...

Been there, done that.... what a roller coaster ride! "Woe unto you" said my wise mother, but I didn't listen !!! "I believe in self-determination Mum" - yeah right, who am I kidding !!! Thank God I still have my good looks and my sense of humour. If they were worth anything she'd have taken them too !!! On a serious note however ... I wonder how long it will be before these advertising companies realise that nobody buys impulsively on the internet (ok not nobody, but far less than seems to be perceived). Online spending is very intentional, so advertising is far less valuable than these $100 billion valuations could possibly justify, but that's the IPO limited liability game. Zuckerberg's moto is "move fast and break things". Sell sell sell, before the Euro takes a serious hit and projected advertising revenue all but disappears! Facebook's shareprice will probably be around $10 dollars by the time the high holidays are here. You're welcome Mark, next time don't leave your ethics in the bottom draw. :-) But hey you could always create a new EthicalBook and try to right the wrong, it might just work.

(14)
Givon Jacobs,
May 25, 2012 2:51 PM

A mixed blessing

Rabbi Blech, kol hakovod, you make some very good points. I chose some time ago not to go onto Facebook. I felt it wasn't a good idea to air my private life, as much as I wanted to be in contact with family and friends that I hadn't seen or spoken to in a long time. Facebook would be an excellent vehicle for keeping in touch, if it weren't for the fact that you expose yourself and others, and all the dirty laundry that should stay private. It shows a lack of respect to yourself and to others when you discuss your private lives and others (especially without their permission). It also makes watching your words way more difficult. Of course at some point someone may use your own words against you, it's a natural progression. People should respect their own and others privacy at all times. As far as exposing yourself to predators or to literature that is inappropriate, we all have to do our best to filter things, not just for the kids, but for ourselves. It's not always easy to resist, we have natural curiosity to look for and at new and interesting things. We can make the choice, though, to better ourselves and avoid things we know may be harmful to us. Face to face is definitely so much better. Although we may not know if the person we are connecting with has our best intentions at heart, we have more chance of recognizing when something is "off", or when someone is sincere in his intentions. Having a computer is definitely a mixed blessing. We can misuse it easily, or we can use it as a tool to better ourselves and those around us.

(13)
Dovid,
May 25, 2012 2:15 PM

and Zuckerberg married on Shabbat :(

Sad statement with tragic results for his family, children...

(12)
nir,
May 25, 2012 1:08 PM

FaceBook and Spirituality

I need to go to Aish.com more often, go to the Wall Street Journal less.
The rabbi is right on

(11)
Anonymous,
May 25, 2012 11:50 AM

Not all Children of Intermarriage are Lost

I and my friends raised our children in a Conservative Jewish community.
Now, as adults they, to my anguish, are almost all intermarrying. Yet almost all of them are raising their children as Jews.
I have no idea how well this will work, and I realize that the plural of anecdote is not data.

Silky,
June 5, 2012 5:09 PM

Raised as and being are not the same.

Halachacally speaking, only a child born of a Jewish mother or a sincere convert are Jewish. It makes no difference how the child was raised. I know a few people who as they became more observant, realized they were not Jews and had to convert.
It is sad when a man cuts himself off from his heritage.

(10)
David,
May 25, 2012 2:12 AM

Hitting the point

Rabbi Blech makes his points well. He has not suggested that Zuckerberg is failing to make a ton of money--he is merely stating the tragedy that he seems to have chosen to not keep his progeny Jewish--so all that wealth will be inherited by non-Jewish children.
The fact that Facebook has a negative impact on marriage is important and yes, for the two months I was on Facebook some years ago--I felt the pull of chatting with some young woman from high school I could scarcely recall. My wife, in her wisdom, asked me to get off of it and I did and I will not go back since it does lack propriety and even lacks basic utility. To ask for proof that something that lacks propriety leads to impropriety is rather short-sighted. Such a problem is inherent in the vehicle itself. Might we wish to argue that going to strip clubs would not necessarily harm marriages and demand "proof?" Such proof is hardly required.
In the case of something like Facebook--"handle with care" means having the good sense not to go there in the first place. It is always best to avoid trouble when possible.

(9)
Ben K,
May 24, 2012 11:52 PM

Want to Mention the Idea of Holiness/Purity As Another Internet Issue

ONe of the things about the gathering of over 40,000 regarding unlimited internet exposure that I can see if just for this it would have been worthwhile, was when 40,000 shouted together the Shma and Hashem Hoo Elokim (Hashem is G-d). Also it was made sure to come throough that HOLINESS, is an IMportant aspect of Classical Judaism. It says in Exodus we shall be a "Goy Kadosh", a Holy Nation. Of course most if us aren't expected to be Holy Sages with Radiance shining off our faces. But at the least we can see how the internet unfettered contains free access to unlimited Pornographic words , photos and videos that can be accessed in privacy by the elderly and even 7 year olds. Will people need to worry their 7 year old child is in a class with some children with heavy porn exposure? And what about the impact or easily potential impact on all of us? And of course there is the socialization with people of all moral types including the worst dregs of society that can be whether in "disguise" or openly. It most certainly behooves us to filter our computers. Some filters include K9 and IE also has a parental control for example.

(8)
Rachel,
May 24, 2012 11:22 PM

Any technology can cause problems

Centuries before any electronics, there were books that were so disturbing they were banned. Porn can be found at newsstands. The phone can be used to call people one should avoid.
And while there's no electronic communication on Shabbat, there are people who bury their noses in a book and ignore their families; there are those who drop in to visit a neighbor and gossip about local goings-on.
So don't blame the technology -- blame human nature -- and do your best to avoid the pitfalls, whether in person or using a device.

Eli Deutsch,
May 25, 2012 9:10 PM

Religious Jews need to stop blaming the infidels for their internal issues

Thanks for sharing Rachel; I wholeheartedly agree with your comment.
We do need to identify what truly satisfies our soul in a wholesome way, and we should not let anything get in the way of that goal. There is always another something that can motivate you off the righteous path! If unfiltered internet is a blockage in your wholesomeness, then get a filter or whatever. But that is far from being "the problem". Human nature is it!
I would like to have an Asifa about Judaism, about its great relevance in our lives. About why it should be our choice over our basic human desires.
Do not lose sight of your goals, people! Once we know where we're going, then we'll have a talk about what is stopping us.
And guess what the answer to that is. Every thing around you! Like Rachel said, the book you bury your nose in on Shabbos, the Loshon hora you can't help yourself from indulging in at your neighbors. Ban books! Ban Neighbors! Ban the internet!
No, genius! Read that book, but after you made sure every person in your family is happy! Go to your neighbor, and exchange a new recipe with her!! Then go the person you were speaking Loshon Hora about, and do her/him a favor! Optimize your use of the internet! Filter it! Use it!
Sincerely, Frustrated like you

(7)
anonymous,
May 24, 2012 10:25 PM

I am a religious Jew...I'd much rather see a mass rally in New York on molestation of our children and the state of our education than to ban internet.
I wonder how many people will turn up to watch that?

(6)
Donna Karen,
May 24, 2012 9:51 PM

My personal Facebook rule

If a comment can't pass muster with my parents, partner, rabbi or bosses, then it doesn't get posted. That's one way to make sure you don't get into trouble while navigating Facebook...or any online media.

Melissa,
May 26, 2012 3:43 PM

i agree

i agree with you: what happened to the idea of keeping a journal (locked) with your private thoughts/affirmations/ or also what artists/writers call the 'morning pages' stuff that's on your mind & private? this is the whole world gone nuts for an oprah winfrey moment & yet oprah's left it now for passee. i'd have oprah back any day: she had morals, warm and ideas; a live person on the tv screen beats a chamelion 'persona avatar' anyday; this is also a serious humanist issue.

(5)
Gil Student,
May 24, 2012 7:17 PM

Facebook Is A Great Supplement

So, bottom line, Facebook friendships can't replace real friendships. But that doesn't mean the platform has no role in someone's life. Everything in moderation, including internet usage.
And, by the way, THERE WAS outrage at easy access of internet pornography. That was a decade ago and many safeguards were put in place because of that outrage so that it is easy to engage with the internet without fear of accidentally encountering pornography. We have the Christian right to thank for that, not the Orthodox Jewish leadership.

(4)
Anonymous,
May 24, 2012 5:52 PM

Face to Face is not necessarily honest

I grow truly weary of people who insist that if you're talking to someone face to face you are more likely to be able to tell if they are honest. Yes, people lie on the internet. They also lie to your face. In plain text, there is no tone of voice or facial expression to imply a different meaning and thereby decieve the person. There is just the plain information to be evaluated on it's own merit. Do you honest believe no one was ever deceived by any other human before the internet?

Kira,
May 29, 2012 8:11 AM

Exactly

Before Facebook, there was email, and before that, there were letters. Correspondence used to be a social necessity - and a huge time expenditure - and it wasn't face-to-face either.
It's not the tool, it's how you use it.

(3)
Richard,
May 24, 2012 2:43 PM

A deeply set hook

Adultery- it's a symptom of a person that can not accept that they really are worth someone else's love & admiration. They continually search for "another" trying to FEEL validated. Validation is like love- its not always something we feel. Sometimes we just have to believe, whether we feel it or not.

(2)
Menachem Lipkin,
May 24, 2012 1:19 PM

Well intended, but off the mark

First of all, by any measure, Mark Zuckerberg is exceedingly successful. He walked from last week's IPO with $1 Billion in cash totally unrelated to the stock price. Beyond that, even if the stock drops to a more "correct" valuation of $17/share he'd still be worth around $10 Billion. Not bad for a 30 yr old kid.
Clicking through to the survey that Rabbi Blech quotes shows it's not exactly as portrayed. Two thirds of the reasons that "facebook" is mentioned in these divorces are related to couples that are already separated.
Further, 1 in 10 people in the world currently use facebook. So saying that "facebook" is mentioned in anything is pretty meaningless unless one can show a direct link. For instance you would need show that there was an increase in divorces AND that this increase was directly caused by facebook. More likely facebook is being used sometimes as one of many catalysts in an already problematic marriage.
If anything, one could posit, that the openness of facebook is an improvement over anonymous chat rooms and boards.
This is all not to say that there isn't any validity to potential issues with social media and marriage. But overstating the case just diminishes the message. (As was the case with the grossly overstated "Asifa".)
The last sentence of the article should have set the tone from the beginning. "It simply means we are realistic enough to realize that as wonderful as the Internet is, it must come with a label "handle with care." That's really what mostly needs to be said.

Michelle,
May 24, 2012 3:52 PM

success

if that's the way you define success than Zuckerberg is going great! Only, the Torah happens to not only define success by one's bank account. And yes, 1 in 10 use Facebook, but what if facebook and other social networks did not exist?? What would be associated with so many divorces? And even if most of the facebook-caused-divorces were with couples that were already having issue...LOOK AROUND!!! MOST COUPLES TODAY ARE HAVING ISSUES!! Couples can either work out the issues themselves and remain dedicated to each other or they can take the easy way out with facebook

Anonymous,
May 29, 2012 7:21 PM

Thank god for FB!!

Divorces are not due to facebook, they are due to many other problems in the marriage..young age, and even economy bottoming out is a major contributor. Everything in moderation; teach and preach moderation, don't take things away. Also, shame on you for judging other people; I thought you weren't supposed to judge others? what does Zuckerberg's marriage or finances have to do with it!? Thank god for facebook, since I'm a agunah because my ex spouse won't give me a get. At least I am able to chat with people. Why doesn't the rabbi spend his time writing articles on this instread? Because it is not as popular as facebook? Because it is uncomfortable to openly say that Jewish religious people let other jewish religious women stay prisoners to their ex husbands. That is why. Wonder if my comments will even be published

Daniela,
May 25, 2012 1:26 AM

Very very well said ! Couldn't agree more.

Anonymous,
May 25, 2012 1:54 AM

Agreed!

(1)
Anonymous,
May 24, 2012 11:05 AM

Well said....

.... and please don't forget to mention that everyone should install a proper internetfilter!

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...