8 Steps to the Ultimate Halloween

Use these eight tips to have the ultimate Halloween.

Apr 24, 2015

Halloween is the best holiday to unleash your inner child. There's candy, pumpkin carving, and dressing up like someone else. Add the grown-up touches of alcohol and women in sexy costumes, and it's a dream come true.

But just because you can act like a kid doesn't mean you should celebrate like one. Your days of smiley-faced jack o'lanterns and dressing up as a football player are long over (and if last year's holiday involved either, we need to talk).

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Upgrade every part of Halloween, from pumpkin carving and candy to the costumes you and your wife or girlfriend wear, with these eight tips. They guarantee a fun night, whether you take the kids trick-or-treating or go out to a party with her.

Carve a Man's PumpkinThe jack o'lantern you made last year with the triangle eyes and the misshapen circle nose? A 5-year-old can do that. This year, carve an intricate design—it's easy:

Print out a black and white design, either from an illustration or a template you find online. Tape it to your pumpkin. Using a pen, follow the outline of the design and poke holes through the paper, into the pumpkin making a dotted line to cut along. Remove the template and connect the dots with your knife. Push out the pumpkin pieces, and all you need is a candle to light 'er up.

Fill Up on CandyGo ahead and steal your kids' almond M&M's (they prefer the original kind anyway). The almonds provide heart-healthy fats, which stabilize your blood sugar—meaning you feel full longer. But only devour one fun-size bag.

Have Sex with Your Dream GirlThere's no better night than Halloween to fulfill your sex fantasies. First, think of the couples costumes you could wear to get your girl into your dream role (cheerleader, hula girl, Sarah Palin). Convince her to play along by buying items she needs for her get-up. Seeing her dressed up will heighten the sexual tension until you arrive home from the party. Who you are when the costumes come off is up to you.

Eat Your Jack O'LanternPumpkin is Halloween's most nutritious treat: A cup of the canned kind is loaded with iron and fiber, not to mention antioxidants such as vitamin C and beta-carotene, which help ward off oxidative stress. And compounds in some varieties of pumpkin may lower blood pressure.

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Experience a Runner's Sugar HighCandy corn is pure bonk protection for long runs and bike rides. It's high in calories and low in fat, meaning it delivers a quick release of energy when you need it most. Not convinced? Research shows the honey in candy corn is as effective an energy source as commercial sports gels.

Fill Out Your CostumeIf you're going as the Hulk, Superman, or any other ripped character, your muscles need to look the part. You can maintain your postwork pump for longer by doing more reps with less weight.

Fake Your DeathMake your own imitation blood out of clear Karo syrup and food coloring. Combine red and yellow until you find the right tone, then add green to darken the color. Apply with an eyedropper, paintbrush, or your fingers. Or, for a splattered look, try a spritzer bottle.

Make a Last-Minute CostumeIf you're like most guys, you either don't want to put much effort or money into your costume, or you find yourself on the night of the 31st sans wardrobe because you never thought of anything. No problem: You own a suit, right? Then you have an array of get-ups to choose from, depending on your accessories.

1. Secret Service Agent: Wear sunglasses and you're good to go.

2. James Bond: Put on a black bow tie and slick your hair back.

3. Politician: Select a red or blue tie (bonus points if it has a subtle pattern or stripe). What are you? Running for office.

4. Mad Man: If you have a cardigan, wear that. If not, try to find a skinny tie and make sure to knot it so the end hangs above your waist. Add a handkerchief in your breast pocket, leave the jacket unbuttoned, and don plastic-frame glasses.

5. PC: Ask a friend to dress up with you. It's easy for him: He dresses in normal clothes (jeans). You wear the suit and glasses, and you're a PC—he's a Mac. Let the nerd trash talking begin.

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