The Extreme Lengths I Go To: Good Night’s Sleep Edition

I’m a chronic insomniac (read more here and here.) I have a reeeeeeally hard time falling asleep. I have an even harder time staying asleep. I’m also an extremely light sleeper. A squeaky door hinge or the thump of a cat jumping on the counter (because he’s bad) will wake me up.

Because of this, I have developed an elaborate nighttime routine which involves:

I must have a fan blowing at the highest setting but NOT on me. The window must be open a crack, even in the middle of the Canadian winter. My Hello Kitty blanket has to be within reach (in case I get cold from the window being open.) I use lavender pillow spray when I’m not out of it (which I currently am and it’s driving me craaaaaaaazy.) I take both melatonin pills and valerian pills. I banish Fiancé to the couch. The lights must be turned off for at least an hour before bed and my laptop brightness has to be at the lowest possible setting. Then I meditate for half an hour to an hour with “deep relaxation” or “deep sleep” guided meditations.

This happens every night.

I still don’t sleep all that well.

So, because you’re so smart, I thought I’d ask you for your opinion on sleep aids. What works? What doesn’t? What should I eat? What should I drink? Who should I sleep with?

Here are some things I’d like to try:

An awesome sleep mask and fancy earplugs, a la Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s: