ROFL
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
your goofy chain letters over the past year.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...
1... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

2... I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

3... I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the rat feces and urine.

4... I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.

5... I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

6... I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

7... I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

8... I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

9... I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our
American troops.

10... I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

11... I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

12... I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

13... I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have
their recipe.

14... I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

15... Thanks to all of you, I have learned that God only answers my
prayers
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (The BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

17... I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

18... I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating
in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I
will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200
people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your
head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a
friend of a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th
husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's tennis instructor.

Rain Man

04-21-2005, 03:08 PM

Where's the warning about using a microwave if you have one of those big tattoos on your lower back?

JimNasium

04-21-2005, 03:25 PM

Where's the warning about using a microwave if you have one of those big tattoos on your lower back?
Yeah, I heard that they contain phosphorous and could burn you badly.

Hydrae

04-21-2005, 03:27 PM

Where's the warning about using a microwave if you have one of those big tattoos on your lower back?

No, that one has been disproved. Thus making the others that much more believable.

Edubs

04-21-2005, 03:33 PM

Here you go. I sent this to all the dumb f-ers who always send me that stupid crap.