Homeland Security To Build Moat From San Diego To Brownsville; Deputize Alligators

This Sunday, Janet Napolitano told talk show host, Mike Huckabee, that trying to keep out the hordes of illegals from entering the US by building a fence has failed miserably. Arguing that it is a waste of money to continue this mission because the fence can be tunneled under or laddered over by those who wish to enter, she told Huckaby the plan to dig a moat from San Diego to Brownsville, Texas has been resurrected.

Initially recommended by Dr. Billingsgate nearly five years ago, it was discredited by soft-hearted liberals because Billingsgate also suggested the moat be staffed by deputizing hungry alligators who were starving for victims in the waterways of Florida. Although the thought of children being snatched from their mother's arms by ravenous gators seems horrible to some, the good doctor pointed out that dying of thirst crossing the desert ain't no picnic either.

Also, the cost effectiveness of replacing Border Patrol agents with these reptillian killing machines is indisputable. With the average agent pulling down $68,000 in salary and benefits, in addition to the millions saved by not having to arm and deploy these agents in gas eating vehicles, there is little doubt that this would be a win-win solution. It is also estimated that it will gainfully employ 300,000 construction workers for six years, which makes it even more important that we begin construction immediately.

It is also worth pointing out that it is virtually impossible to bribe an alligator. Although the vicious cartels might attempt to divert these slimy sentinels by dumping body parts of newly eviscerated victims, most gators prefer live bait.