When that seductive packet arrived in the mail, trailing balloon stickers and whispering about a free gift, I was tempted. I was tempted by your low-priced introductory offer, by your no frills, sweet and simple name: Family Fun.

But then I got to know you better in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. And I knew that it was just not meant to be.

I’ll tell you what sealed your fate, Family Fun. It was the sentence that began, “When your kids are craving sushi . . .” I don’t remember the rest of the sentence, but I don’t need to, because that has never, ever happened to me.(Pro Tip: If you had said something like, “When your kids are demanding mac and cheese for breakfast . . . “, you might have won me over.)

But let’s be honest. It was never going to work out between us. You are full of charming craft ideas, and I am simply not a crafty mother. I am a loving mother, a reading mother, a playing and snuggling and singing and dancing and occasionally a baking mother.

But please, please don’t give me a frog template and assume that I have craft foam in my craft cupboard. Don’t assume that I have a craft cupboard. (Pro Tip: I don’t have a craft cupboard.)

See? I am not the mother for you, and you are not the magazine for me.

I hope we can still be friends.

And if I am ever tempted to imagine myself as a crafty mother . . . I’m pretty sure that’s what Pinterest is for.

I am a pastor of one wonderful Lutheran church and a parent of two wonderful children. I live in St. James, Minnesota with my husband Mike and my children Zoe and Leo. I started this blog to share my adventures pastoring and parenting in small town / rural Minnesota. Thanks for stopping!