No sex no city

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

What is the rule for when to sleep with some one? When to kiss someone etc? Is there such a thing as sleeping with someone too soon and how do you know when that imaginary line has been crossed? Some of my friends can wait forever some can not wait at all. However is there a real line or is it just something that matters to each individual. For me once I feel any type of connection wither that be emotional or physical I like to sleep with that person. It is fun sleeping with the potential of some one rather than the truth of someone. Lucky for me once I sleep with someone and realize that that person that I slept with does not exist it is easy for me to move on. On the flip side is my friend Jared. He has to make sure every thing is perfect before he crosses the bridge into being more than friends. He has been hanging out with this same girl for a month now and is nervous to kiss her. However here are the facts (try not to laugh) 1.) They went out drinking and she was all over him. 2.) all there friends said that she likes him 3.) they hang out every night together. Jared makes me laugh because he does not want to take it to the next level because he is worried that it might not work out and she will think that he just wanted her body. I am not laughing at Jared I am just laughing that a guy can actually think this much. I did not know that they were capable.

I have no experience with waiting so I really have no idea about where this could go. This is my new goal don't worry. I know that my guy friends that have waited a long time to make a move on me I did not really feel that much when they finally did. However in the beginning there probably could have been more of a chance.

The fact for me is I wish I could be more careful but when push comes to shove I just keep hearing in my head "you can put on a life vest but you have to get wet if you are going to go swimming."

Monday, September 24, 2007

I went to bed after my last post with a huge sense of relief. I had a plan! I was going to try something new and maybe it would work maybe it would not. But at least I had a plan and all I could do was try it. However my sense of accomplishment was quickly rained upon by negative Nancy's that I call my friends and family. This left me asking why is there still such a stigma of online dating.

The biggest concern that has been brought up is why are you so desperate? Why do you have to meet someone right now. Well I answered to my "conservative friend" Laurel ( I call her conservative because she looks like a barbie doll but would never wear an tank top in public because it would be to "risque") "I am not desperate. I am quite the opposite. I just want to create more choices for myself that I would not have just by myself." Jared informed me that only "perverts " are on the Internet. I asked him how is it different than having a facebook account he said "exactly only perverts are on the internet".

The toughest criticism however came form my mother who some how found out form my dad who "accidentally" was in my e mail when he found one form match.com. She came over in a panic that I was on line "looking for random" men. Hysterically she asked me if I had thought of my son what kind of danger I was putting him in. A side note is that my mom does not even know how to us e mail so she has no idea about how you can stay unknown online and if you sign up for one of these sights you give them all your personal info and will have stalkers lining up.

Don't get me wrong I know that you do have to be careful. But don't you have to be careful in all dating relationships. And it is not as if I am going to meet some one and be like here is my son and my home address. Mothers!!! Oh wait I am one too now. Shit!

What I have found is that you can be as straight forward and picky as you want. Everything is just out there. This makes me feel a lot less desperate. I do not have to waste any time talking to duds that do not have a decent job or any interest in starting a family. The catch is that there are so many choices online that you can become desperate. I think that you have to do a few things. Come up with your own must haves or can't stands. And make them be at your highest standards. Now is the time to be really picky. If you are not that excited about e mailing that person back then you are not going to be that excited to go on a first date with them. Listen to your instinct's! If you are getting a creepy factor form someone then they are creepy and move on.

All in all I do not believe that online dating necessarily means that you are desperate. While it can if it is being used as a tool to get control of your life then how can it mean desperation. Maybe it is not the most romantic way to start a relationship but you have the whole rest of your relationship to make up for it so why worry about it now.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

This last Saturday night sulking in my newly found single dome, I was utterly bored. I went online and researched how to make more people read my blog. With in a few moments I was obsessed reading blog after blog about blogging. I know what you are thinking wow she has really gotten boring, but I was obsessed and could not stop for days. The outcome of this story is a few things. First I wasted allot of time and got really no new readers then I already had. I am going to spend my time writing my blog then wasting time on my blog and letting it write me. So lesson there learned. The second thing is I started to wonder is what if I spent this much time on my personal life? So I decide instead of working on my site traffic I would work on my personal traffic. But how do you do this? I know exactly what I want but I have no idea how to get it. I am a single mom I work form home and live in a small town. I am not going out on a limb here to say I was a slut in the the past but I will say that anyone worth dating in my circle I have already dated and gone through. Okay so personal traffic. I know what I want I am just not up for sitting around waiting for it to fall in my lap. Now is the time for me to start being proactive and come up with a clear plan. I like plans.

Step 1: figure out where I should start... (that took a while)Step 2: Make a list of good girl friends that are single also who will want to be wing men. If you do not have these find some that is what my space if for.Step 3: Go to the dog park after work. I chose this one for a few reasons. One for the most part these guys have jobs that is why they are at the dog park after work. They can handle commitment and responsibility, hence the dog.Step 4: Find a dating website. I know some of you might be nervous about this one I was. But how else are you going to find lots of guys that want to go on dates without leaving your home and getting out of your pjs.

This is as far as I could get. I hope it works let me know if you have any better ideas any suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I am terrible at picking out people to be in relationships with. I am not going to start lying now. However many of my friends ask me time and time again how I can just break up with someone and not go back. So I am not trying to toot my own horn here but here I go. I am extremely good at breaking up with people. I know that being in love changes everything and is something that makes it harder when you break up with someone but just remember these few guidelines and they will help.

Think about all the uncomfortable times with his parents. Now you do not have to do this any more.

Ask your self if your mother would like this relationship if she knew everything about it.

Remind yourself of all the hot bachelors out there... George Clooney for example

Think about how shitty you feel now and multiply that times 1,000. That is how you will feel if you get back together and all this pain is drawn out.

Keep telling yourself "If we broke up once then there is probably a reason why"

Make sure you keep in mind his most annoying habits and keep replaying it in your mind over and over again.

Don't think about the good times in bed!!! When breaking up this is the single worse thing to do if you do not want to get back together. Instead try to keep in your head all the bad times in bed. All the times you faked it. All the awkward times you two were naked together, and all the strange places he has hair.

Keep thinking about your minutes and consider sighing up for a pay per text plan. now is not the time to throw away common sense. That asshole does not deserve your daytime minutes.

Replay every fight you had over and over again after a few days of this you will be happy you are single.

Think about all the movies/ TV shows that you get to choose for your self now. yes!!!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

My best guy friend ,Jared, wife left him in April. She left him for another man she had met on the Internet while he was teaching at the local university. Five months later he is still trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what he should do next. His wife was the only woman he had ever been with and in turn he was the only man she had been with. (until online douche bag.) They had been together since high school and when they got married it seemed like a fairy tail ending.

Being the one of all our friends who have gone through the most breakups not to met ion a divorce. Jared has turned to me for help "starting over".If there is such a thing. What I have learned is that either guys are more like us then I originally though or Jared is one of those few sensitive men that us women can relate to.Recently going through a breakup myself after countless nights of watching "Sex and the City" drinking a bottle of red wine I decide that we needed to make our lives a little more like Samantha a little less like well us.

The following Saturday night I drug Jared kicking and screaming to a local watering hole. I told him that he had to at least talk to one girl and he got double points if he bought them a drink. As I paroled the scene finding more and more prospects the more I drank, Jared sat and waited for me to come back. This is probably what happened in his marriage.

The next day at breakfast frustrated with the failure of my protege I asked what happened. "I just want the next girl I sleep with to be so hot that it makes Joy Jealous" Jared said. I replied "isn't the point of a rebound to get over your last relationship and to not care what the last person in your relationship thinks?" All in all I made my point but as for all maters of the heart it is easier said than done. Two weeks later the only woman that Jared has talked to besides me and his mom is now the object of his affection and he thinks that she might be the one. Three weeks later she is not returning his phone call es and Jared is wondering once again what happened.

Again at breakfast again frustrated with my protege after listening to his woes I blurted out you need to start having sex like a man! Instantly Jared replied "what does that mean? Last for 3 min roal over and go to sleep?" No that is not exactly what I meant nobody likes that.

But what did I mean? I have heard this term before and never really had applied to my life either. Quickly what I explained (pulling it out of my ass) I said " No it means take the power back in your relationships. Do not rely on just one person making you happy and finding that one person making you happy.

In every relationship that I have actually like the person I put their needs before mine. I think that basically most people are attracted to slightly selfish people. So what I am going to do and what I told Jared to do is next time you really like someone pretend to be slightly selfish. Don't be an asshole just make shure your needs are number one. This seems like a good plan to get them met. We will see. let me know if your experiences. If this is tried and true or just a stupid theory?

Monday, September 3, 2007

As a child I could not wait until I was a ''grown-up". Watching my parents and all of there friends they made it look so easy. They got married young, had kids, and 20 to 30 years later they are still in love.

When I was a teenager I wised up and started to find that the life style of my parents and their amigos were living was harder to come by then I thought. I still believed deep down inside that I would fall in love and just know. Just know that was the person I was supposed to be with. Just know what I was supposed to do.

In college I believed that when you were in your later 20s early 30s life was honestly like "Friends" and "Sex in the city". You had an amazing group of good looking friends who were there for you no matter what. Romantic interests were exactly that interesting. They were also abundant. For a while my life was very much like this. Meeting people was fun and easy. While all of my romantic encounters were good looking they all lacked in the character depth department. However I overlooked this because of the booze and because I was shallow and all I cared about was looks. My friends were amazing and always around.

I found out that it is hard to know who your true friends are when every thing is going good. For this reason alone you have to appreciate when every thing is going wrong. This is the only time when you can be sure who your true friends are. The truth is that your true friends may not be who you initially thought or pictured. They may not be perfect looking like monica and rachel. They may not be funny or witty like Joey and Chandler. Or entertaining like Phoebe or Samantha. But they are the ones that are important. They are the ones that your did not appreciate until you had to. For these people you must be thankful of all of your misfortune.

Okay so I am rambling. So my life used to be very much like sex in the city. Now I am 24. I have a 17 month old. and I am alone (not really Jane my golden retriever is here) watching the bachelor with Chris ODonell. With all of this I have finally come to the conclusion that real life is not so much sex not so much city. It is more cleaning up spilt yogurt and going to bed early. Actually it is more like Jerry Maguire but with out the sappy ending. Yet... I guess I am still waiting for an ending to complete me.