Marilyn Monroe must be shared, say men

The Los Angeles widow who is selling a burial plot above the one occupied by Marilyn Monroe faces opposition from men, who say the beautiful, dead star should be shared.

Herbert Hoops, America’s funeral-director-in-chief called the funeral plot sale “A disgusting travesty”. Said Hoops: “Every red-blooded American male enjoyed Marilyn’s sexy curves in life, and we should be allowed to do so now that she is gone.”

Elsie Poncher is selling the prime plot of plot on eBay. Her husband, Richard, died in 1986 and was buried face-down over Monroe. She hopes to sell the plot to raise money for her family.

Hoops says the idea of a single occupant is not acceptable. He proposed that the remains of the Hollywood star be placed in a 60-storey tomb, so that many men could be layered over her. A series of elevators would allow the coffins to be rearranged from time to time, although he said this was “only a rough idea”.

But feminist groups were quick to express outrage at the government official’s comments, pointing out that Marilyn’s popularity extended beyond her male audience, and that many lesbians and bisexual women would also like to be buried over her.

Others suggested that, instead of being buried above Monroe, some plot buyers might wish to be buried beneath her, commemorating her famous subway grate scene from The Seven Year Itch.

The eBay bidding on the burial space has been intense.

“Marilyn Monroe is generally considered to be the sexiest woman ever to live,” said eBay owner Charles Ebay. “Even in a state of advanced decomposition, she is more attractive than most modern supermodels or Hollywood actresses. For a man who is already dead, and may not have been particularly good-looking even when alive, Monroe would be a catch indeed.”

Meanwhile, some women have expressed interest in the plot’s original occupant, Richard Poncher, who is to be moved to a different spot.

“I would like to be buried underneath him,” said one, who asked to remain anonymous. “This Poncher guy was on top of Marilyn Monroe for 20 years – he must have something going on.”