So the hatemail dubbed me THE.... Sodomite Hal Duncan!! (sic) So I will wear that with pride, cuntfuckers. It's like The Outlaw Josie Wales only better, right? I mean, did he have a fully capitalised THE, an extra-long dramatic pause, and two exclamation marks? No, he did not. Chickenshit.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Fire is Coming

And so we come to the big finale, a rousing reprise of "All Things Under Heaven." I'd kinda like to work in "The Gift of Sodomy" and the stripling's refrain from "Message from Gomorrah," to get a full-on medley for the end, but the tunes don't quite mesh in my mind... yet. Ach, if I do figure out how to weave it all together, I reckon that would likely work better as an epilogue, all the cast coming out on stage for their curtain call in a big feel-good victory chorus.

Cause, yeah, whaddaya know, I appear to have entirely fucked with Rochester's "if they play, they gotta pay" ending. Heh.

An epidemic spreads in all our hearts.It's eaten pricks and withered women's partsThe aged curse and envy all who fuck,In impotence, they rot and stink of muck.The children harbour heavy discontents,Complaining sorely of their fundaments.And worst of all, the young who never broke a noble vow.Are taught to play at Love in ways that Nature disallows!

FLUX:Even your family is in the trap.The queen has crabs and Prickett has the clap.Hysteria sends Swivia to her roomWith pain and ulcerations in her womb.

BOLLOX:Then fuck the Fate who castigates a little harmless funAnd why so sure that there's no cure, that nothing can be done?

FLUX:The Laws of Nature all must be restored!The sin of sodomy must be abhorred!God only made the dirty deed a joyTo propagate the end that you destroy!His mercy turns to wrath when he's displeased,And strikes a land corrupted with disease.

BOLLOX:I won't believe I have to leave a love that you call sin,Who's been so long beloved; I say, bring me penicillin!

[A pedestal rises back of stage, PUCKINELLO standing on it, unlit.]

BOLLOX:You say the sodomy will fuck my life.You say it's nature's law to fuck a wife?And did the gods who made a king of meNot gimme freedom with mortality?Not gimme human form of heaven's will?I'll use the gift—I'll reign and bugger still.

[Lights on PUCKANELLO in white latex nurse's outifit.]

PUCKENELLO:A pox on Flux, all pious fucks—I'd rather be a whore!So deus ex machina, baby--science heals the sores!

[PUCKANELLO scatters pills to the wretches. They throw off their rags, revealing golden bodypaint, and dance, lifting PUCKANELLO down from his pedestal to lead them.]

[The clouds break up and fiery demons appear in the air. They dance and sing:]

DEMONS:The fire is coming!Buggers, buggers, hugger-mugger!Fire is coming!Scorch the frigging motherfuckers!Fire is coming!Cursing, blasphemous cocksuckers!Fire is coming, it's too late to mend!

BOLLOXArise, and rally Sodom then, my city to defend!

[Enter CUNTIGRATIA with soldiers.]

CUNTIGRATIA:Sweet Bollox, hark to that infernal choirMy wretched spirit fears a funeral pyre.My lord, your day of judgement's coming soonMy lord, your lack of shame will be your doom.The miseries of hell sent from aboveWell, I'll be damned for your unbridled love.But we will walk through all the plagues and pestilence and pain -- oh-oh-yeah!Across the lake of fire, lord! Until we meet again!

[Leads the soldiers in a charge, driving the demons back, FLUX with them. They vanish in smoke.]

BORASTUS:My lord, the gods are pimps compared to you.Which of the gods has done what you can do?

PUCKANELLO:Let angels come and make the world a graveEvacuate the state to hidden caves!

BOLLOX:I'll make the angels wank till bollocks weep:You've wanked us out of our eternal sleep.Go now to north, south, east and west, until the order's given:Bugger God and drain his cod! Now we conquer heaven!

ALL:Till the order's given:Now we conquer heaven!Till the order's given:Now we conquer heaven!Till the order's given:Now we conquer heaven!

[The dancers scatter, whirling this way and that, and exit one by one.]