Oscars (Preliminary) Review: Oh Wow, This Is a Mess

The worst thing I can say about this year's Oscar opening? This was originally supposed to be a list of Seth MacFarlane's best jokes.

This is usually the point in an award ceremony when we list the host's smartest one liners. It was easy during the Golden Globes, when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler lined 'em up and knocked 'em down.

Apparently, they thought of every good joke about "Argo," because we didn't hear enough from MacFarlane to do the post we'd hoped for. He did a few perfunctory jokes before a series of forgettable songs and a bit in which William Shatner appeared from the future as Capt. Kirk to warn him that the ceremony would be a disaster.

He delivered the Oscars producers pretty much exactly what they signed up for, because it felt an awfully lot like a "Family Guy" episode — a few jokes, some "zany" pop culture references, some music, and a gay-panic joke.

MacFarlane made it eight minutes before delivering one — he sang a song about actresses "boobs" with what he said was the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles. Then he clarified that he isn't actually in the chorus.

"Oh trust me. In July 2015 you join the chorus," Shatner said.

The gay joke was the best of the night — probably because "Family Guy" has had so much practice.

There was one upside to all the songs: We found out Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron are good dancers.

But of course they are.

One upside to the ceremony? The awards themselves have been pretty good. Christoph Waltz was one of at least the two most deserving nominees in the supporting actor category, and won. "Paperman" was a great animated short, and won.