“As I basked in that satisfaction I stood next to Tim Duncan. I said something like “Well that was fun last year, we should try to do this again!” He giggled his goofy giggle. And then I asked him how much he would give me if I kissed David Stern upon getting my ring.

He offered a sum, I considered it and waited for my name to be called. As I approached the Commish I felt like I couldn’t let my captain down. So after a quick ‘Congratulations Brent’ from David I hugged him and planted one right on his cheek. To this day, I swear he and grandma have the same skin.”

Choke back your urge to vomit and check out the rest of Barry’s tale via the provided link to Buzzfeed.com.