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Let’s just dive right into it because there’s quite a bit to cover here.

Over the past week, actor and “comedian” Kevin Hart has come under fire for past tweets that conveyed some bigoted and, in some cases violent, views around Gay people. Here are just a few of them:

Haha……or whatever.

Many people attempted to brush this off by saying that these tweets are “old” and “you have to give people a chance to change.” Here’s the thing about that…yes, I absolutely believe in giving people the opportunity to change. Opportunity. That doesn’t mean coddling and assuming change. Bigotry doesn’t magically disappear with time; it takes intentional work, an active desire to un/learn and tangible action. I still need to see intentionality and evidence of growth; neither of which he’s shown. The best he’s done is avoid talking about the subject and that, in and of itself, is not a sign of growth.

We literally have a 70+ year-old racist/anti-LGBTQ/misogynist/ableist/etc. sitting in the white house right now. Time didn’t just magically cure an ounce of President Tangerine’s bigotry, now did it? And given that anti-LGBTQ hate crimes are actually increasing, why would we just assume that people are magically learning not to hate LGBTQ people?

Some Kevin apologists have cited an interview he did for Rolling Stone back in 2015 as (the lone) evidence that he apologized…even though it wasn’t an apology, at all. He never actually admitted wrongdoing, or made clear that he wouldn’t project his insecurities around Gayness and femininity onto his son—let alone bothering to do the work of unlearning his views. He simply said that he wouldn’t make those kinds of “jokes” anymore because people are “too sensitive” these days and he wanted to avoid backlash. If that’s your idea of an apology worthy of our acceptance, then let’s just stop right here, acknowledge that you think very little of Gay people and go. [Read more…]

A PSA for my fellow Gay men, and perhaps anyone else in the LGBTQ community.

I’m gonna start this by laying out a little scenario:

Let’s say you’re a Gay man who primarily has non-LGBTQ (a.k.a. cisgender-heterosexual or “straight”) men as friends (which you likely applaud yourself for, daily…but that’s another issue). Y’all are just casually hanging out and they’re all talking about sex. They’re exchanging stories of their recent “conquests,” and are having an absolute ki. And then, you try to chime about your last sexual experience, in the exact same way that they just did.

…but you feel the good vibes noticeably drop. It gets awkward, and you immediately get the hint that you should back off from your story. You deflate, retreat into your own head (where you’ll likely quietly replay that moment in a cringeworthy loop), and let them take back over the conversation.

This is likely not an unfamiliar experience for Gay men who hang around folks who are non-LGBTQ. And many people’s go-to response may be to just roll with it and not see it as a big deal. But let’s be clear about one thing: [Read more…]

This is actually something that, after years of explaining, I’ve grown entirely bored with. However, this is a topic that comes up over and over again. So I want to give it a place on my blog for posterity.

RE: “I love Gay people. I just disagree with their lifestyle.”

First of all, falsely characterizing my sexual identity as a “lifestyle” that can be disagreed with is trash from the outset. Who I’m sexually and romantically attracted to is not a “lifestyle.” It’s simply who I’m sexually and romantically attracted to. Is there a such thing as a (Black) Gay culture and community? Absolutely, but Black Gay and Queer folks aren’t synonymous with that. Similarly to Black people, as a whole, Gay/Queer/SGL folks are not a monolith. Attraction to the same sex isn’t always synonymous with whatever your stereotypical ideas of Queerness are.

At 30 years old, I’ve been on this “Gay thot” shit for a good while and have amassed a lot of observations about Gay sexuality and how we tend to operate. It’s mostly been some great, if not epic, times had, but man…

I wanna close out 2017 by calling in all of you total tops and highlight a few of your common behaviors that you really need to cut. Bottoms are fed up, and it’s time for you to do better or get left assless.

Let’s plunge right into it (FYI, this piece might have a few puns…you’re gonna deal with that).

This is the final part of a multi-series blog post, concerning instances of violence against Gay men within the Black community, and different factors that feed into these incidents. In the first part, I discussed the murder of Giovanni Melton, a 14 year-old boy killed by his own father. The second part goes over the case of Gemmel Moore, murdered by an affluent white Gay man. In the third part, I went into ways that both WhiteGayze™ and Black cishet folks routinely fail the LGBTQ people in our community. And in this final piece, I’ll be expanding on Black cishets further.

No need for a fancy lead-in. Let’s just pick up where we left off from part 3.

Black cishet men, in particular, draw the most ire from me. Not only are they a primary source of direct violence towards Black LGBTQ people, but the so-called “woke allies” of that demographic refuse to step up and say anything. There’s no real social clout to be gained from affirming Black LGBTQ identities…and, in fact, there’s more to lose. As I’ve said in previous work, in this colonized idea of Black masculinity, “Gay” is considered the worst thing a man can be. Therefore, men are deathly afraid of any proximity to it. So, if cishet men were to stand up and affirm us (like their performative politic would clam that they do), then they stand to be deemed “Gay,” which leads to the risk of being ostracized. And since most cishet men are spineless trash and lack the fortitude required to actually stand up as an individual, they’re unwilling to risk the potential backlash that comes with centering Black Gay men, Trans women and other Black LGBTQ identities in their day-to-day work.

Now, cishet men are the absolute worst offenders, but I think we also have to be honest in acknowledging that some cishet Black Feminists/Womanists are also often terribly inadequate in putting their “intersectional” theory into actual practice. They’ll spout the theory all day (again, for retweets and follows…some of these folks depend on their “platforms,” as well), but will turn around and be as silent as their cishet male counterparts in the times when it really counts.