Whale, That Escalated Quickly

I read an article about neuroplasticity and it appears the plasticity of my neuro is selective.

I over-sleep two days in a row and my brain’s like, “HABIT!” but I eat right and drink less two days in a row and it’s like “YOU’RE KILLING ME!” Well, I haven’t actually done the latter, but that’s probably what it would say. I have thought about it, though, and it IS my brain doing the thoughting, so shouldn’t it just handle things from there? I swear, the crap my body has to put up with from my brain…

To put my family at ease, I’m really not a heavy drinker, wait, I wasn’t a heavy drinker until my arm fell off, now there’s not enough booze on the planet. But I usually only drank two beers and two shots a night. Back in my Rhythm Pigs’ touring days that was called breakfast.

I have made some important strides towards becoming healthier, like adding red wine to my alcohol consumption and downloading a calorie counting app on my phone, but loading the app took more steps than the Washington Monument so I haven’t had the energy to actually use it yet.

I also started following these “Fit Life” people on Twitter. They post motivational stuff like “Jog Now, Outrun Zombies Later!” (Zombies are really slow but they’re tireless. They’ve had A LOT of rest) and informative stuff like “Three out of Four Cannibals Prefer Pudgy Americans” and personal success stories like “Ebola Helped Me Lose 40 Pounds in Four Days!”

Fit Lifers also post before and after pictures of themselves wearing boxers in front of a mirror. I actually took a picture of myself but deleted it because if Greenpeace saw it, one of their ships would sail into my driveway and fire water cannons at my house until my family handed me over, then Greenpeace would go drop me off in the ocean with the other whales. And I don’t want to live in the ocean. I don’t even know any whales. But I did go to school with Aquaman.

Anyways, I’m hungry now so I’m gonna take a well-worn path down that neuro-superhighway to some cake.