Your coach is not your friend

People ask me, sometimes, what you get from coaching that you can’t get from a conversation with a friend. The short answer: your coach is not your friend. And that’s a good thing. Here’s the long version:

As a coach, I don’t care if you like me. Sure, we need a good rapport to work together, but my job is to help you grow in the way you want to grow. I will ask you painful questions. I will make uncomfortable observations. Your friend will do that – a little. But they want to maintain your friendship. They’re not going to push hard, because they want to stay friends. I will push hard. Because it’s my actual job.

There is no give and take in coaching. I’m not going to tell you about my day, or my life. If I mention my own experience, it will be brief and offer direct insight to your situation. Our coaching sessions are about you. Not me.

And, finally, structure. A coaching session has a process. It is not a friendly conversation. Coaching conversations don’t roam and ramble. They stick to the chosen topic and they go deep, not wide. It’s my responsibility to make sure of that.

It’s Valentine’s Day. What else was I going to post? Questions to get you thinking about love: What does love feel like to you? Is it difficult to love someone? Is loving yourself a concept that makes sense to you? […]