The past few chocolates reviewed on this blog have been more about additions and intrigue than the quality of the chocolate itself. As you should know by now, I’m no single-origin-only-artisanal-get-that-extraneous-object-away-from-my-cacao snob. Curry and milk chocolate? Why not? Salt and Pepper dark chocolate? Absolutely. I’m an equal-opportunity chocolate fiend. Or friend. Friendly fiend? No matter. I’m sure you catch my drift. My rambling, easily distracted drift. Ooh, hang on a tick, I think I just saw something sparkly out of the corner of my eye…

Where was I? Ah, yes. I was talking about how I’m generally open to a range of different chocolate experiences. Well, folks, I’m here to tell you that sometimes it pays to be a chocolate snob. For, as the old saying goes, Discerning Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry [You Ate That].

Cadbury Old Gold Toffee Crunch Dark Chocolate

There is one word that encapsulates everything you need know about this chocolate. That word is sweet. Sweeeeeeeeeeeet. And not sweet in the “I just found a twenty dollar note on the pavement… sweet” way. Sweet in the “oh-holy-bucket-I-need-a-glass-of-water-and-a-packet-of-salt-and-vinegar-chips” way. In fact, this chocolate is so sweet that I was moved to write an acrostic about it:

So full of saccharine that it gives me theWillies, becauseEven the purported “dark”-ness of the chocolate isEvidently a misnomer. Dear Cadbury,Toffee was not your cleverest addition to an already cloying chocolate.

My tasting notes attest to how hard I struggled to pinpoint any flavour complexities in this chocolate. I thought the aroma was a bit like the patty-case toffees sold at school fetes… then I realised that such toffees are made of nothing but sugar and water. Then I thought that the chocolate itself had some honey notes… but really it was just burningly sweet.

Admittedly, the toffee parts reminded me of Crunchie bars… but Crunchies are, in all honesty, little else but sweet. This Cadbury Toffee Crunch bar didn’t even have discernible cocoa notes. Do you know what notes it did have?

Yep. Sugar notes. Sharp, sharp, sharp and unceasing sugar notes.

And do you want to know the most upsetting part about this chocolate and its unrelenting assault of sweet on my palate?

It led me to write an acrostic poem. An acrostic poem. The worst kind of poem there is.

What makes poetry so wonderful is the fact that it involves all of life, every concern, every desire, and every feeling. If something has some great significance to a person’s existence, then it has a great significance in poetry as well.

What makes poetry so wonderful is the fact that it involves all of life, every concern, every desire, and every feeling. If something has some great significance to a person’s existence, then it has a great significance in poetry as well.

I got a sample of this in some kind of supermarket goodie bag freebie thing. I don’t remember *hating* it, but I definitely don’t remember much of anything other than “sweet”. And i thought the toffee shards were much too small/thin… i would’ve liked something chunkier, i think.*
It’s a shame, because it’s a flavour that could’ve had such potential for brilliance! Or at least….goodness.

*which reminds me… i also hate that old gold/cadbury/pretty much all bars these bars seem to be coming in thinner formats, a la lindt. I LOVE big chunky bite-able bars. So satisfying. I don’t like these wafery papery sissy chocolate bars… it’s always been the one thing really standing in the way of me *liking* the lindt excellence range. I want something i can CHEW! I want to BITE! I want….more chocolate for my buck.

I got a sample of this in some kind of supermarket goodie bag freebie thing. I don’t remember *hating* it, but I definitely don’t remember much of anything other than “sweet”. And i thought the toffee shards were much too small/thin… i would’ve liked something chunkier, i think.*
It’s a shame, because it’s a flavour that could’ve had such potential for brilliance! Or at least….goodness.

*which reminds me… i also hate that old gold/cadbury/pretty much all bars these bars seem to be coming in thinner formats, a la lindt. I LOVE big chunky bite-able bars. So satisfying. I don’t like these wafery papery sissy chocolate bars… it’s always been the one thing really standing in the way of me *liking* the lindt excellence range. I want something i can CHEW! I want to BITE! I want….more chocolate for my buck.

TheHungryScholar: And I got yours – hurrah! All systems-chocolate are a go-go!

Hilongos: Thanks.

Amber: I can haz mad poem skillz. You may well like this… but mostly I hope you like the vegan white chocolate you’ll be getting! 😀 And you know what? A broken chocolatey shell really isn’t so bad, as you say. I bet I smell pretty good. 😀

Monique: Salted caramel is divine, isn’t it? I’m pretty much helpless before any salt and sweet combination, though 🙂

Lisa: In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever had Old Gold before. Because I WILL be a snob and state that 45% is hardly “dark” chocolate. Harrumph. 😀

Kath: And I can’t wait to hear what you think when you do! Because, in all honesty, it’s not wretched. The crunchie flavour is quite appealing. It’s just, well…. sweeeeeeeet.

L-Izzle: We can no longer be friends. I am the complete opposite to you – I wish all chocolates were Lindt’s thinness – I hate big chunky hard to bite bars. It’s so hard to wait and let them melt in your mouth when they’re all hi-I’m-the-chocolate-version-of-a-body-builder-on-steroids-touch-my-rock-hard-abs. 😀

Oh, Lorraine, how could you be so cruel? Here I am, scrabbling at the laptop screen in the hopes that you’d brought Willy Wonka’s chocolate-transferal machine to life, and nothing! Nothing! And I so adore Los Ancones…

Simply Life: Thanks! Someone, I doubt one little choc blogger is going to appear on the radar of a huge corporation like Cadbury!

Toby: I know. What was I thinking, right? It’s been years and years since I’ve had anything by Cadbury… and I think I should have kept it that way.

Perry: These big chocolate companies wouldn’t know a dark chocolate if it bit them on the toosh, I think! 😛 And an ironic haiku? I’ll have to give that a go in future, then 😀

You do know that in French, instead of using the term “six pack” to describe someone’s rock-hard abs, they say “tablette de chocolat.” 🙂 Pretty funny, considering neither of those helps at all in the pursuit of such muscles.

what a shame – I was all ready to head out for a block – well maybe I will anyway just for the toffee – at least I can be sure I wont be swayed to write an acrostic and if I really hate it I have E to devour the rest of it – I am sure he would

Johanna: It’s really not *horrible*, it’s just incredibly sweet. Probably if you ate it only a few squares at a time, instead of in large chunks as I did, it’d be quite bearable! Plus, you’ve got an E to act as back-up, unlike me 😀

I used to love cadbury as a child – it was either that, Nestle, no-brand cheap chocolate from the Warehouse or nothing though – but I swear, I swear, it just doesn’t taste as good as it used to. I never buy it now – the taste just doesn’t work for me, doesn’t taste how good chocolate should, mostly for the reasons you describe above. That said, I do enjoy a bit of toffee-ish crunch and see what they were trying to do here.

Laura: I know what you mean about chocolates like these – and lots of childhood treats really – not tasting the way they did (or do in our memory). Regardless of whether it’s because they or we have changed (it’s not you, it’s me!), it’s kinda sad! Hmm, now I want to eat Nerds and Warheads again and see how I feel about them…

Search

Subscribe

About

Hannah. Writer, editor, firm believer in socks, gin, laughter, buttered toast, cheesecake, and semicolons. Currently back in Canberra after two years living in Canada; heart tingling to see what happens next.