Sunday, September 22, 2013

It was the most horrible experience I have ever lived through... watching her die.

But God has done amazing things through her brief life and her death. I can honestly say I am at peace with her being gone. That wasn't always the case. There were many months of heart wrenching grief... of tears, of trying to find balance and purpose in life again after she was gone. However, God has done so many good, awesome things since then... I have seen people turn back to Christ, I have seen others delve deeper into their faith, I have seen God work and bring peace and comfort not only to me and Andy... but to our families. I have seen others step out of their comfort zones to care for others... to care for me. I have seen the power of prayer come to life... I have seen God change my thinking.... mend my heart.

I struggled for a long time with how to address this day... the anniversary of a death.

I always felt sad celebrating her birthday after she was gone... it seemed wrong to celebrate when she wasn't here. I know that is a feeling and a decision that is very different for all families who have lost loved ones... but for me... it was too sad.

But as God healed my heart and gave me what I can only describe as a gift of a Heavenly perspective... The Captain and I decided we wanted to celebrate the day Caden cast off the burden of this life and ran into the loving arms of her Father.

We do it for us... but mostly we do it for our boys.

I want the boys to learn that, for a believer in Christ, death is not to be feared... it is not creepy or scary. For those who know Jesus, who have placed their faith in Him... death is a celebration. It is the day when they have finished the race and can finally rest in Jesus' arms. They are home.

And it is a beautiful thing.

I want my boys to have a good memory attached to their sister... not just the knowledge that she is dead.

So each year, on or as close to the day Caden went to Heaven, we send up floating lanterns. AS a way to honor her, thank God for her... but mostly to Thank God for sending His Son to die in our place, so we do not fear death.

This year our lanterns will be sent up a little late... The Captain, the boys and I are on vacation. We are dipping our toes in the ocean and feeling the sand underfoot. We are soaking up sun and family time.

And even though we are postponing our lantern send-off... we are remembering our sweet, sweet girl.

Caden Joelle Chastain made me a mommy for the first time.

She taught me about selflessness, about love, about purpose... She brought joy and happiness and laughter into our home... and into our hearts.

And although we do not get to enjoy her sweet smile today... because of Jesus and all He has done we will get to for all eternity.

2 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Sweet baby Caden was my first thought this morning.....closing my eyes and enjoying her squeal of laughter and her wrinkle nosed smile. Thanking The Lord we'll see her again, and praying for you all to have a precious week together. Love you. Gma b

who we claim to be

Hey all,If you do not know us, the first thing you should know is how much we love the Lord our God, and we are striving to live lives worthy of the title, Believer.
The second is we are praying everyday for His return. On that day we will be reunited with our precious baby girl Caden, the treasure of our hearts. Since the death of our daughter we have battled grief, hurt, tears in public, brain surgery and chemo. We have also celebrated new life in the birth of our 2 sons. So come, read, share and enjoy the life God has given us. Although it is not perfect, or even what we had planned it is what He wants for us, so we choose to rejoice.

start here!!!

The Captain and Cari

Our Joy, Caden Joelle.

"Michael said Caden's funeral felt like a wedding. I smile to type that, because in many ways, it was: a celebration of one little bride being united with the Lamb."

~Katherine Kramer~

our big Rigg

Ryder

things that make me laugh

I came back into the room from treating myself to a nice, cold diet coke when I saw the Captain playing with Rigg. He was making the stuffed animal dance in the air toward our son and saying in a sing-song voice “Here comes the zebra.” I looked at him and said in the exact same sing-song voice “It’s a giraffe.” To which the Captain, with only the briefest pauses, sing-songed back the reply… “Daddy had brain surgery.“