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On Beginning Again

I have often
commented that the key to a discipline such as writing one of these daily
inspirational reflections is to pay attention.That sounds so simple---and it is---but it is not always easy.I am always amazed by how easy it is for me
to go through my life on autopilot.Having a number of routines in my life makes autopilot very easy.Like many people, I’m sure, my daily routine
does not vary much.Coffee and newspaper
in the morning.Meals are about the same
time.I tend to see the same people on a
regular basis.There is nothing wrong
with any of this, but it does make living on autopilot very easy.

I like
variation and variety.And I do have
some of that in my life.And I know that
it is much easier to pay attention to things when I am engaged in something
different.For example, when I drive the
same route day after day, it does not call for much attentiveness to get from
point A to B.But if I am driving to
some new place, I need to be attentive.I have to take the right roads, make the correct turns, and be alert to
the way to my destination.I would argue
that following the spiritual path is comparable to this.

After we
practice some spiritual discipline for a while, it is easy for things to become
routine.That is one thing that
fascinates me about my friends, the monks.Some of the older ones have recited the same Psalms for decades
now.They have prayed the same prayers
that it makes me wonder how they can still be fresh?How do they pay attention when the way is so well
known and their path so well trod?

I am not in
the same place as those grizzled old monks.In many ways I still feel like a beginner---a spiritual rookie.I vacillate between youthful enthusiasm for a
new “go” at prayer or some other discipline.Or I sometimes despair that I will ever “get into” this stuff like
prayer or discipline.Spiritual rookies
often find themselves starting over---again and again.But that is the key.When we have seen our zeal flag or when we
actually have quit for the millionth time, the only thing to do is to begin
again.We can begin again---begin right
where we are and right as we are.

Not to
re-engage a spiritual discipline again is to settle for having quit---for
having given up.We can be sad or, even,
mad that we quit and went autopilot, but the bottom line is, it’s over, unless
we begin again.I am sure there are many
reasons people give up on the spiritual journey.Let’s look at a few of these.

One reason
folks give up is the simple fact that our hearts are not in it.People begin the spiritual journey for many
reasons.But I am confident if our
hearts are not in it, it will become virtually impossible to sustain a discipline.We may even feel like we need to pursue
things, but I always say there is not enough energy in the “should” to keep us
going.For example, people who feel like
they “should” stop smoking seldom are able to pull it off.There is not enough energy in “should.”

Another
reason folks give up the spiritual discipline is they get distracted.Discipline and distraction work at odds.Discipline asks for focus and distraction
obliterates focus.And of course, we
live in an increasingly distracting culture.Televisions going, while the computer whizzes, and the cell phone is
beeping messages are part of too many lives.And maybe the radio in the background entertains someone else making
noises in far corners of the house.Really!Try focusing in this
environment that is normal for too many of us!

There are
many other ways for us to lose attentiveness on our spiritual discipline and
our spiritual pilgrimage through our life.Once we have lost that attentiveness, all we can do is recover it.In fact, I do not really think we can go
through life and never lose our focus or our attentiveness to the spiritual
journey.Instead what we can do is get
better at catching ourselves when we have wandered or squandered our
journey.We can minimize the time spent
in alienating places.We can learn to
“check in” to our commitment and journey to make sure we are on track.And if we discover that we have wandered
away, we can get back on board.

I have found
that I need a way to monitor whether I am on autopilot.One of these ways is what I call “awareness
check.”I know that I cannot pay
attention if I am not aware.And I know
that autopilot is a form of unawareness.The crazy thing about autopilot is I can be unaware and still get things
done!So I need an awareness check.

The awareness
check is simple.I stop in the moment
and ask myself if I know what I have been doing or thinking?Am I aware of what’s going on in the
moment?If not, I have been on
autopilot.

I don’t think
God deals with autopilots.God only
deals with pilots!And so I want to be aware
and be attentive as a pilot.I am the
pilot of my own life and I want God to fly along with me.That can and will happen, unless I go off on
my own course.When I do that, I want to
begin again.

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