This is the sweetest case of karma I’ve ever seen in the workplace

For some ungodly reason, I recently moved the Supreme Biatch of my workplace into an office that’s only two doors down from mine. About ten minutes after that decision I began to regret it. I sent my official “you are being moved” decree via e-mail and her squeaky shoes were echoing down the hall not five minutes later. She had a tape measure in hand and was there to survey her new territory, calibrating the amount of bitchiness she’d be entitled to. She recently came back to work after she had an evaluation to check she was fit to work after an accident. She was certainly fit to work!

It didn’t didn’t seem to matter that there was a psychiatrist using the office for a conference call– she just barged in and began tsk-tsking at the dust on the windowsill and the view of the parking lot. That afternoon I received a response from Wanda. Subject line: “Office Renovations.”

It was a list of demands:

“The following work needs to be completed BEFORE I am expected to move. The large whiteboard on the wall must be removed. ALL nail holes must be repaired. ALL walls must be painted– please use a CLEAN BRIGHT WHITE. ALL carpeting must be removed PRIOR to the painting and the floors are to be waxed AFTER the painting.”

As you can see, Wanda is a big fan of ALL CAPS underlining and bold print. She is also a fan of CC’ing half the hospital on her communications. Because of this, I got a peculiar sort of glee when I hit Reply All.

“Wanda– while I can certainly empathize with a dislike for the current shade of white on your walls, it is not a priority– nor will it become a priority– for the maintenance department to make cosmetic changes to staff offices. If you feel that strongly, you are more than welcome to come in over the weekend and paint your own office. Also, the carpeting cannot be removed as it is glued down to tile that was part of an asbestos abatement. I think it’s best we not disturb it.”

Anyone else would have realized the futility in continuing this fight, but not her. Wanda is matriarch of the harpy stronghold which rules the underbelly of this organization. After decades of weathering leadership turnover and layoffs, she’s amassed an entitlement that could conquer nations. She had a reply back within minutes.

“Ms. Lorens, it is more than a matter of color preference. The walls are in need of repair. If the carpets cannot be removed then housekeeping staff need to come in over the weekend and use a professional shampooer to have them cleaned. I have submitted a maintenance work order and will not move until AFTER the renovations are completed.”

Wanda seemed to think I’d given her some sort of promotion when this was really just another cut-and-dry forcible relocation. I passed instructions to the heavy-lifters and IT people to get this taken care of. But weeks passed and my hallway remained untainted by her presence. I followed up and found a tangled web of he said/she said so thick I nearly had to call an all-staff meeting just so I could raise my hands in the air and bellow “NO ONE IS RENOVATING ANY OFFICES!” She had nearly name dropped her way to victory when I received a phone call from a bewildered maintenance worker, asking me to define “clean bright white.”

“Wait, what is this for?”

“The office next to yours. I was told you were overseeing it’s renovation.”

The woman was shameless. She’d pushed me to the point of crusade– I couldn’t back down now, especially when she’d moved on to the technology aspect of it and was demanding everything from a color printer to a fax machine with retina display. This was a full blown power struggle, playing out for all the hospital to follow via CC’d e-mail.

It’d been nearly a month and everyone was too afraid to do anything while she was still crossing her arms and saying “no.” I sent yet another blunt e-mail telling her to give me a handful of available dates so I could schedule the movers and IT staff. Once again, her reply was instant:

“[My Boss] spoke to [Your Boss] who spoke to [Maintenance Director] who said it was up to [Finance Director]. [My Boss] has not yet heard from [Your Boss] so we will not move until the renovations are complete. I would also like for the wall partition to be professionally cleaned after that tacky whiteboard is removed.”

I was in a meeting when I read this and couldn’t help but make exasperated sound effects. Every single person she’d mentioned–My Boss, the Maintenance Director, and the Finance Director were all in attendance. I went around the table and asked each of them to swear fealty– “do you have any intention of giving in to Wanda?” They all shook their heads.

I hit Reply All and typed the shortest e-mail ever:

“You are moving on Tuesday.”

The Maintenance Director made the sign of the cross.

“There have been half a dozen people in that office over the years, and no one has ever complained about having a whiteboard on the wall. We even painted around it last time.”

My ears pricked up at this.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he said, “I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be that hard to do… I have a drill in my truck and could pop it right off if you want, as an olive branch.”

An olive branch, yes.

He grabbed the tool and set to work. Five minutes later, we had finally complied with Wanda’s demands and given her what she’d asked for:

So much less tacky than a whiteboard, right?

And that, my friends, is what it looks like when I offer a truce.

Do any of your coworkers abuse the power of CC’ing e-mails? Have you ever had anyone who refused to take “no” for an answer? What sort of “olive branches” have you pretended to extend?

Want to keep in touch? Drop your email below and I'll send you FULL POSTS anytime I write something new. Only want to know book news? Get on the list here.

“She only uses the internet to take webinars on how to be a more subservient wife” Seriously? If you’re serious, then I hope she’s getting some good use from it. Also, if anyone gets fired for this, darn it, it will probably be her. After all this crap, I’d have gone to whoever told me to move her and showed that person hard copies of all the emails she’d sent me and asked what he/she wanted me to do now.

Oh yes, seriously! Okay, maybe not webinars on that specifically (though she takes a TON of webinars on how to be a better secretary, which I think is weird because at some point… enough is enough) but she DOES forward all sorts of emails on female subservience to our married coworkers and get on to them for various things– like not working at the same place as their husband (she does) and not taking his last name, having a drivers license (she doesn’t) etc. etc.

And oh Cimmy this is the best part about it– I WAS THE ONE WHO DECIDED SHE SHOULD MOVE!!!! Isn’t that the worst?!?! I brought it on myself but I was honestly taking one for the team. It was the most logical move on the basis of where new staff needed offices in the building. And somehow this became my task, probably because everyone knows I don’t mind telling people to get over things 😉

Yes! I work in higher education, home of the passive aggressive CC: field abusers. It was an agenda item in a staff meeting the proper use of CC: and how to reply to such messages (answer: use reply to all). The “I am angry so I will IM you from 3 feet away in the same office” situation is always fun, too.

Ha! Oh my gosh, I’m glad we don’t have IM here. Wanda likes to send me an e-mail and then immediately call me to let me know she sent me an e-mail. When I don’t answer (ever) she leaves a voicemail letting me know she called to let me know she sent me an e-mail.

Haha! Oh my gosh, YES. My laptop still sends them (I need to fix that…) and she will absolutely be the one to say things like “I received your read receipt and such & such date but have not heard from you….”

I read this comment earlier and wanted to respond so badly because this is absolutely brilliant. If/when she says something to me I’ll be like…”Oh, I don’t know Wanda, this red certainly makes the walls seem so clean…and so bright… and so white.”

So…the second he commented that they painted around it, I saw where that was going. I’ll never ask you for a cease fire. There will be complete peace or blood flowing through the streets. 😉 I can’t wait to hear what she did in response.

We have a dealer who threatens any time we come back with what the factory tells us. This dealer copies people I’m not even sure still work at the factory in question. As soon as he threatens, our factory says “That wasn’t us. We would never do that! You were given bad information!” At which point, we’ve gotten really good at this, we say “Here’s the email. The factory did say this. We’re glad the factory is willing to work with you more amicably now.” I hate politics so badly. I wish I could write more stories about it, but this connects to my LinkedIn.

Well, you are always safe to come over here and tell your sordid unLinkable stories 😉 And that sounds like a confusing mess… office politics are extra weird around here because we are way too concerned about the mental health of the staff. Wait, wait, that’s a GOOD thing, I promise– but it’s like we think we’re in the business of coddling people and are too afraid to correct bad behavior for fear of jarring their psyche. It’s a really weird culture.

If I’ve learned anything from video games that can help you, it’s that when there’s a harpy nest, if you don’t just go in there and kill the matriarch, they spawn more harpies. If you want, I can come in there with my lvl 60 warrior. Also, I was super excited to hear the rest of this story. I was kind of waiting for it 😀

Actually my co-workers do not abuse CC’ing people enough, lol. On a communication team it’s important that the right people are in the know, which lately we haven’t been very good at making sure they are in the know, lol.

Haha, well CC can definitely be a good thing if used correctly! But sometimes it gets weird. There is a doctor here who CCs me on all of his “problem” e-mails and I have no idea why. I can’t help him with his problems and I never reply. But I guess it’s kind of fun to be in the know 😉

For me the most annoying thing is someone who puts a few names in the To: and then they don’t properly address their email and they’re asking someone to do something. Leaves me scratching my head, is this for our team… or one of these other people? lol.

That’s kind of weird about the doctor. I guess he is just letting you in the know in case someone else asks about it? I dunno.

Its been awhile since I have made a girl neigh like a horse…might even be a first for me

Mistake I make, sadly repeatedly, is to think you can have a rational discussion with an irrational person. I think I’m with Samara, when dialogue ends its probably time to start to consider getting physical

oh oh pick pick me. I would gladly Underline her with a wax strip and make sure she bold top and bottom screaming every ones ear of not needing a fax to say she has been molested by a type of writer.

And yes just make sure you get a red light in there and the tacky is complete 😛
She needs to fall of her high mule on her ass she sounds like a donkey so stubborn

As for CC-mails. who ever mailed those got the cold shoulder form everyone.. no fucking way was one person able to make demands and be selfish. And No was no. I know I never got the shoes i wanted. and needed. now my big toe look like Quasimodo.

She is deeeefinitely very much like a donkey. In many ways. And honestly… I don’t think I need to do anything more to the office, she is bound to make it tacky enough by hanging ceramic angels and such.

Corporate America invented “Nice Guys Finish Last.” My uterus almost withered and died from working for corporate america. Workplace biatches have no life, except to make yours miserable. Take kickboxing and give one a roundhouse to the fucking NECK the next time.

No I’ve never had such issues. EVER. But you knew that. I do, however, wonder why you do not let people hire you via contract services. You would make a FORTUNE resolving these stupid issues. STUPID issues. I love it. You are fast approaching “Goddess” to tack on to your skills. 🙂

Though I’ve never had anything to that degree….I am stunned at the crazy crap (you could be the crazy crap flusher) that grown ass people put out there to deal with. It does happen. I’m turning to you for advice if I ever have to deal with it.

Why don’t any of the bosses have the sense to tell her to shut her email piehole, Aussa? I’d think by this point they’re sick of the CC’d demands as much as you. I have a feeling we will see and addendum to this post when she spots the olive branch. Maybe she’ll pop that throbbing vein people get on their fired-up temple.

Mark it’s sooo insane that her behavior goes unchecked. Everyone knows about it and yet… they all just sort of tolerate her because she’s a relic and that’s how everyone has always behaved. It does not help that her boss, though a genuinely nice guy, is completely out of touch. She runs all over him to the point that if she is in HIS office he will knock on the door and ask if it’s okay if he comes in. It’s really weird. I suppose it’s also possible that she has some sort of dark powers.

OK, I have to relate this story about the late entertainment columnist for the big daily I used to work for. She was there for 60 years and was adamant about every little thing.

She demanded her own printer when the rest of us in the features department shared one. She would print out every entertainment story that came over the wire service (I’m pretty sure she was the last one reading the wire service and not the major news sites by this point) and stuck the papers in manilla folders, which she staked up all around her work space.

She was a piece of work, but good at heart, and missed by colleagues. On the one-year anniversary of her passing, her printer, which had been moved out to the center of the main newsroom, started on its own and spit out a bunch of copies of entertainment wire service stories of which she must have pushed print on just before she died. Holy crap!

Wooooah that story had a surprise twist! How random! And creepy! And perfect!

I remember reading some article (when I was like 14) about high maintenance celebrities and I think it was J-Lo who insisted that everything in her dressing room always had to be white and that they special ordered white M&Ms etc. So from now on this sort of behavior should probably be referred to as “J-Lo Syndrome.”

Oh how I miss working away from home. NOT. hahaha! You do work with a strange bunch of people. I can see why you write about them. hahaha. Your Wanda reminds me of someone I worked with years ago. I was actually her boss, but she treated me like a moron. We worked in retail and she had a potty mouth that just wouldn’t stop. Now I’m okay with swearing, hell I do it a lot, but not on the floor when you work retail. You have to keep that off the floor. She wouldn’t. She’d drop the F bomb while dealing with customers. Well that was a no no, I told her twice to clean up her act. I also told her I only warn people twice then I fire them. She thought I was bluffing, so she is swearing up a storm while she left my office and so I called her back and fired her. Oh she was not a happy camper! hahaha. Hey you got to have rules sometimes you know.

Yikes, she sounds like she had a major issue with authority. I figured that was pretty no-brainer not to cuss in front of customers! I’ve worked with plenty of people who couldn’t finish a sentence without interlacing an F-bomb every few syllables yet they managed to keep it under wraps when the job called for it. I love that you just laid the hammer down and fired her on the spot, yeah!

Oh believe me, all sorts of ideas were tossed around! From hanging a painting that I took down from my bosses office (which we refer to as “the funeral home painting”) or hanging a sticky note with a smiley face in the middle. In the end, there was nothing more perfect than just leaving the square of red there to speak for itself…

Ha! I love the word cojones 😉 And seriously! I have never ever ever seen anyone that entitled. It was almost funny how she could just carry on as though no one had the right to tell her what to do. Funny and mind-boggling.

The workplace is a battle field, isn’t it?! But I love the strain of sarcasm flowing through your notes to her. CC abuse is the most obnoxious thing and it should be treated with tickets or fines just like when we abuse the roads–email is a thoroughfare, after all, a way to reach each other. Irresponsible cc’ing should treated be like speeding or double parking. She probably also Facebooks photos of her breakfast and her opinion on who she thinks should win American Idol and any number of other ways to reassure herself she is being heard and matters.

Jackie this is a brilliant idea. I need to figure this out… there really should be a swift penalty for such abuse of CC. I’ve thought of another crime that deserves punishment– when people hit “reply all” on a system-wide e-mail. It will be an update from IT or a flyer for a fundraiser and there’s always that person that replies and is like “WAIT WHAT ROOM IS THIS IN?” and then people Reply-All to answer the question and then it turns into a massive Reply-All of people saying “please stop replying all.”

Wanda sounds so obnoxious. Glad I have my own business cuz I couldn’t stand the Wandas out there. I worked in hospitals years ago and don’t care to revisit. My husband is constantly frustrated with this little dude at his job that’s always cc’ing everyone so he can take credit for someone else’s work, lol. I just hope Wanda and the little colorful shrink next door don’t read your blog 🙂 Go Go Aussa!

You are lucky to work for yourself (though I’m sure you worked hard to get there so not so much “luck” involved). I think that hospitals of all kinds are just breeding grounds for really toxic employees… and I doubt they know about my blog, she’s too busy sending guardian angel chain letters and he’s probably watching youtube videos to learn the dance from “Poker Face.”

Oh I very much like the red Aussa. 🙂 this lady is unbelievable! Her cc obsessiveness reminds me of a coworker back from my office working days. The awkward thing is she always wrote messages that were not work related. And we would all be like… wth?

I know! It was sad. Well she invented a “social comittee” which really meant that she wanted to organize awkward karaoke nights. Then shed randomly start fights with certain people about words exchanged over break lol.

I swear I feel like I know the people you write about. I have worked with my own version of everyone you have described. And not only the people…the environment, games people play, the untouchables and even the doctors. I worked with a sexually preoccupied, psychiatrist that was all of 5’5 and wore overbearing colon and the brightest pimp suits you’ve ever seen! He also asked everyone if they smoked “the grass”. Oh and he had a God complex that made little old crazy ladies swoon for some damn reason.

Good luck with that crazy biatch. She sounds …fun…in a pull your pubes out with tweezers kind of way.

It’s so weird how these people– as weird and erratic as they may be– are also somewhat relatable. Rather frightening, actually. And your psychiatrist sounds absolutely lovely and like he should absolutely be evaluating the mental health of others……..

Your comment about tweezing pubes just gave me a flash back to the ONE time I tried to wax myself. It was horrible and a lot like that movie “127 hours.”

I should have known she was up to something when her demanding emails just stopped and it was all silent. Little did I know she was behind the scenes terrorizing everyone else. And I like your plan for the design trend! Maybe I’ll tell her it’s cutting edge research and shown to benefit your mental health.

Oh Christ, I want to be there, hiding under the desk like some kind of fruitcake just to see her face turn the same color as that odd patch of wall. Justice hides behind the whiteboard and its name is Red.

Wow, Wanda has some major control issues! (sez this bat who has never spent a single moment in medical school). I LOVE my whiteboards and I even bought the Crayola whiteboard crayons to use at school. I just barely pass for an adult.

with her demands for bright white walls, no carpeting, and a cold, stark office without a whiteboard she could cut herself on, i would say she is really a patient, not an employee. maybe you can find her a room more to her liking in one of the wings that the patients inhabit.

Oh, man, you have some perfect timing. I just got bitched out by a coworker today because I was supposed to be counting the cash drawer at a coffee shop I work at one morning a week (when I’m not being a library assistant – that’s another story entirely). She also snapped that I was a dollar short. This was in out in the library. I said “I wasn’t aware of this.” And she said “I sent several emails.” So I looked. Found one email – from November – mentioning this. It got lost in the sea of emails about idiotic stuff like what mug we want, or what scone will we serve. Ridiculous. We work in the same building, so she could have just come up and told me instead of releasing it all on me at once. She has quite a temper, but she isn’t my supervisor, and I’m tired of being walked on. Ugh.

What gives some people that kind of nerve? By the way, I love how you handled the situation. I never seem to know what to say.

Yikes, she sounds volatile. That is definitely not the right way to handle any sort of situation. And as far as knowing what to say– if there is ANYTHING I have learned at this job, it is how to write bold e-mails that you can’t quite get fired for. It is a skill that I will use for the rest of my life, no doubt.

Keep your chin up at work, it’s her own fault if she’s miserable and gripey all the time– not yours!

Here’s a thought, Aussa, assuming you take my suggestion to present all her emails regarding the move to your boss and/or her boss, suggest that either she moves by (x-date) or she can move all her crap into a box because she’ll need to find another job. Honestly, who does she think she is? Queen of the office?

That’s awesome. I would totally work for you, as long as you were okay with near-zero productivity and smoke breaks not involving cigarettes. But remind me not to screw you around. Or tell you that I need my office decorated just so and so. People are amazing, aren’t they.

Hey, you can decorate your office any way you like– as long as you don’t expect someone else’s money or time to go into it! And I also happen to be a fan of near-zero productivity and nicotine-free smoke breaks. We should start our own company!

You absolutely rock to a degree I am not familiar with where I work. PLEASE come work where I do……LOL. I will have an office waiting for you. Whiteboard and all. You can move on Tuesday. Still LOL………. Love this Aussa. Keep us informed. Maybe she and the Goat guy will devour each other and you will have all that space to yourself.

Hahahaha! Yes, maybe the circle of life will collide in some sort of vortex and they can cancel each other out! Luckily those two don’t get along or else I’d be worried they might stage a coup d’état….

Or maybe the will both spontaneously burst into flames during a heated argument at the copy machine. LOL. Keep a fire extinguisher nearby just in case. No sense in that ruining YOUR day too. Be well Aussa. Best of luck with your workday woes. Keep Wanda and the Goat in their place. Can’t wait to hear more Lorens Shenanigans.

Exactly my purpose. I loved the way it sounded. It has never happened because it was waiting for me to stumble across it. LOL. You might have to find a category use for it on your site somewhere. It would make me smile SOOOO big if you ever find a use for it. I love Lorens Shenanigans btw. They always keep me laughing. Or rooting for you. Whichever is more appropriate for what I am reading. Rock On Aussa!!!!!

The only thing I’d have offered, alternatively, was a basement cubby-hole with no window, no carpet, and no elevator. Oh, and sorry…but your desk won’t fit down those stairs, but there’s a nice card table already there.

Ahh…power struggles at hospitals. I’d almost forgotten what those were like… (worked in medical offices for a few years in my 20s).

Oh man, tell me this is an across the board sort of thing? Amazingly enough you just described the office that the poor psychiatrist ended up in except that it isn’t in the basement… it did use to be a “seclusion” room for the patients (back when we had beastly practices). But maybe it will teach him perspective…

She has absolutely no clout. That’s the amazing thing. She ONLY has bullying and intimidation. No power whatsoever. Which may be why she is a bully in the first place. It’s rather remarkable, the fear she has managed to instill in people but no– she wields no influence at all. It’s baffling.

hahahaha, what a bitch. Her, not you…of course. She sounds like a typical local government employee who’s been there way too long and has no idea how the real world works. Well played, Aussa. Well played.

I don’t think she’s ever even heard of the real world. She has worked there since she was 18 and her husband drives her to work everyday because she doesn’t think women should have drivers licenses. I don’t even know what world she lives in, but it’s not mine.

Oh, just yesterday one of my coworkers tried to give me work that she’s been sitting on since October. I saw that girl watching tv on her work computer at 9am, just minutes before she tried to hand off her work to me. I bitch-slapped her with words. Though no-one was cc’d, I forwarded it to another coworker who was on my side in the matter.

Ha! I would give anything to see the chain of forwards that must go out secretly… I know that I have a couple people at work whom I routinely forward things to with a big WTF at the top of the page.
I can’t believe she sat there and watched TV on her computer. At 9AM. Save that business for 3PM like the rest of us!

The funniest thing about this whole story is that I’m actually giving her an office that isTHREE TIMES the size of her old one. And its on the first floor next to all the upper management so she can pretend this means something important. But no. You give a mouse a cookie…

Aussa, you have passive-aggressiveness down to a fine art. I LOVE the red square on her dirty, beige walls. I have decided to take a lesson from the master (that would be you) and in order to protest my boss’s HORRIBLE management skills, I made and posted a flyer, “Traits of Highly Effective Leaders” on the clinic bulletin board. It includes such gems (highlighted and bolded) as “if a team is weak and dysfunctional, it is generally a failure in leadership” and “motivation is best done by example and guidance, not by issuing commands.”

It’s not like I made that shit up – I got it from the highly respected University of Notre Dame Business School website (and of course, I included my source at the bottom of the list, because I’m all about the details). Now I’m just sitting back and waiting for her to notice it is up there for everyone to see.

Oh Jana, that is hilarious! ! ! Please do keep me updated on where this goes! He can’t argue with Notre Dame Business School, can he?! You may have actually just inspired a similar act of my own…. hmmm…. I’ll have to keep that ace up my sleeve…

I can’t wait for the reaction! That is so hilarious! My favourite is when someone sends a personal dumb ass email to the entire organization by mistake. Usually what follows is an insane amount of replies to all from everyone informing everyone that the email was sent to them in error. After about 400 of those, people start to reply to all telling everyone to stop hitting reply to all. It really is a shit storm.

YES! I said something similar in an earlier comment– these are the ultimate face palm moments where you just want to turn your computer off and walk away so that you don’t continue to see the “Re:Re:Re:re:re:re:re:” notification popping up at the bottom.

Ahahahahahaha! I work…correction, *worked,* with a broad that would shamelessly self-promote her latest achievements with company-wide email blasts, “I just had a nice poo, after lunch with lieutenant governor, here’s a pic.”
This promptly ended yesterday, as she turned in a “partial” workload reduction, due to “stress.”
My boss has assigned all of her unfinished work on my desk.

Yikes, I’ll bet it’s almost worth the extra workload to have a break from her. I can’t staaaaand braggy people like that. It’s more embarrassing than anything because it’s not impressive it’s just hard to watch because you want to be like “just stop it, shhhh.”

Nope, I don’t think this is behavior that can be attributed to a diagnosis, this is just all natural Wanda! Unfortunately. Though I’m not sure… maybe I need to give the DSM5 a closer read and see if I find her condition lurking in the pages…

I always think of a CC on an email as more of a CYA (Cover Your Ass). I work for the State of Texas and the office politics is through the roof. If this is what you had to deal with, just imagine what the administrative staff that do the paperwork for the move must have gotten to enjoy.

I think that’s what a CC is meant to be, that and a way of keeping necessary people in the loop. But when someone emails you requesting you send them a document they need and then they copy their boss, your boss, the guy who works in the mailroom, and the head of housekeeping it just makes you scratch your head as to the intentions.
And yes, I had intense pity for every level of person who had to interact with her throughout the process.

This shirt off thing always seems sad to me. People that act like that used to be young and hopeful, but sometime in their lives, they became broke inside. And they punish the rest of us for their sad lives.

That’s the most baffling thing about it– she had no bartering power whatsoever! And man, I can’t imagine anyone worse to subject a sad bunch of hostages to. I’m tempted to have some student volunteers paint her office (a few months down the road, after she’s lived with the square of red for a bit) but I feel it would be cruel to the students to put them through that.

If I were to have to choose between being on the unfortunate end of “Indian bride-burning”, or being married to “somebody from her pack” (no names or denominations mentioned!),I would have to flip a coin.

Fantastic. In terms of inappropriate CCing, I used to work in a team with someone who was more senior than me, but not my boss. He was very insecure and I think he used to worry that I was after his job (which I wasn’t). So he would regularly try to publicly assert his seniority over me, by CCing me in to emails he was writing to various important people, both inside or outside our organisation, and would finish the email with a request for me to do something menial, like “Vanessa, can you please print out a copy of this email and file it.” Or something like that – it was so annoying because firstly it wasn’t my job to do things like that, and it wasn’t my job to do administrative things for him, he would never ask me to generally, only in these emails so that other people could see it.

Oh, that is awful. I’ve not seen this particular abuse of the CC. You should have definitely hit “Reply All” and been like “Why, are your hands broken?”
Every so often one of my male coworkers who’s on the same level as me will ask me something like “can you print ten copies and bring it to the meeting?” and I’m always sure to be like “Yes, if you will meet me at the printer so I can teach you how to do it next time.” So annoying, that learned helplessness. Or I’ll just be like “WHY? BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN?” Just kidding 😉

Unfortunately I think gender issues do still come into play with these things. I’m pretty sure in the situation I was describing, he wouldn’t have done that if I was a man. I’m not generally one for saying “That’s just because I’m a woman isn’t it!” But it probably often is. A while ago when I was in a different job, an old school friend (female) asked me what my job was and I said “Project Support Manager”, and she said in all seriousness, “Is that like a secretary?”, again, I doubt she would have said it if I was male! Ah well, sometimes these gender things bother me more than other times.

Yikes, yeah that is most definitely bothersome. One of the sliiiiightly positive or at least interesting things about the mental health field is that there tend to be a lot of women in leadership. There are more women on our Executive Management Team so that’s slightly helpful on a day to day basis but I definitely still encounter similar situations.

Your blog brings me so much joy. I always wonder why some people feel so entitled to such stupid things. By the way, LOVE the improvement to the office. It looks so much better without the whiteboard 😉

Right? She just needed a splash of red to remind her of yours truly 😉 And yes, entitlement is absolutely baffling to me. I mean… I’m as big a fan of bending rules as anyone but I never expect to be waited on or prioritized above other people. Ever.

I know. Sometimes I want to be like… if you’re so keen on having something to complain about then I’ll give you a real problem. But instead I just bottle it all up inside and smile politely in the hallway.

I think we should all hire Aussa has our consultant to the stars of workplace crazies. One MUST have a Master’s Degree or higher in Passive Aggression to show up, which is why corporate america almost killed me. Or I killed it. Either way, you have this shit down to an art. Apparently in the form of a red square.

Rae, I feel like maybe this should become my signature– like when Zorro would leave a “Z” cut into the wall, I will just start painting red squares on the walls of my enemies…
And I really hope YOU killed Corporate America and not the other way around!

I’m with Calamity Rae. I think you’ve found a new career: Workplace Crazy Hammer? Sort of like the Hammer, but you don’t fire anyone. You just find the perfect way to make them wish they had let well enough alone 😉 Although, personally, i would have liked having a red square on my wall. But then I’m a different sort of crazy, I guess 😉

Haha! I had never thought of this until now. Maybe I will get my very own reality TV show… I can infiltrate various workplaces and make the harpies miserable so that they leave to roost elsewhere. My logo can be a big red square…

I must confess, Aussa, that I’ve never worked for a company where there was such a fuss made over office space. But I’ve always worked for privately held organizations – some large and some small but each owned by one person. You took what you got or you took the door. One company where I worked for 8 years did not believe in obsolescence. The owner still used the same old teacher’s swivel chair he bought used when he started in business. They did about a billion a year in sales and had over 100 stores; I was responsible for transportation/shipping at the main distribution center / head office. To the best of my knowledge they never threw anything away that was still working and if it broke, they would repurpose it. Ha! They had one forklift that was so old that there was an identical machine in a wartime diorama at the Canadian War Museum (I kid you not – it was a 1942 model year). Mind you it was on light duty and used by maintenance, but it still worked every day. When they needed new equipment – office or otherwise – they would buy very solid, expensive machines or products, so they weren’t cheap – just thrifty. Anyway, to the story. I inherited my boss’s office when there was a shuffle. Along with this office came an old desk and matching beat-up chair. I’m 6’3” and weigh about 250 lbs so most chairs creak when I sit down – I don’t pay much attention.

One day I had occasion to be disciplining a transport driver – Jerod. He was an excellent employee but had done something unthinking in a moment of inattention and damaged some equipment. It was my intention to make it a verbal warning, given his spotless record, so I called him into my office and as he stood in front of my desk I started my stern lecture. A few minutes into my monologue, I leaned back in my chair, the two back legs broke off and I toppled over backwards. As I lay on my back, still in the chair, with my feet in the air, Jerod peered over my desk and asked if I was OK. I told him I was fine and that our interview was ended. Difficult to be stern and serious when you’re laying on your back on the office floor with your legs in the air.

OMG Paul! That is so funny! Something was on Jerod’s side that day! It is good he didn’t laugh. And that you weren’t hurt.

I was at a party once where a rather large woman tried to perch on the edge of a glass end table. It ended pretty much the same way, except she was trapped inside the shell of the table with her arms and legs sticking out. I made sure she was ok, and avoided eye contact with everyone in the room. Then I stepped out onto the porch where about 6 guys lined the edges. As soon as eye contact was made the uncontrollable laughter started.

Haha! This story made me laugh out loud! That is so funny, I’m trying to think if I’ve ever had a similar experience but I don’t think so. That is HILARIOUS though I’m also so sorry it happened…. I think I would have peed myself if I’d seen such a large man go toppling arse over head.
Oh, and the obsolescence thing! I admire that. We are the exact opposite. It is a wasteland of inefficiency and wasted resources, it’s pretty appalling until you settle into numb acceptance.

Ha! Well, like I said to Paul Davis (who’s blog is connected to his LinkedIn) you can always come vent over here 😉
I have my work and writing life so utterly divorced that I don’t think anyone at the hospital is aware of a bit of it(except for when my naked photos go viral, etc). Sadly, this is just the alternate career that pays the bills…

I try REALLY hard to keep them separate, which I do a pretty good job of, professionally. Christine in job life; Chrissy on the internet. The problem is that my social media and writing experience are directly linked to my internet persona. And that bitch is awesome. Oh wait. She’s me. 😀

Ah, the joy of office politics. I’m afraid the worst I have is a co-worker who often tries to run the office and rolls his eyes at the boss. Nothing is more fun for a new employee then to be told by your boss to do one thing, and then someone else to prioritize another thing. You can’t please everyone.

Oh, and they guy who magically kills the internet half of the time he’s in the office. What is up with that?

P.S. Super happy you stood up to her. I think I would have taken a certain amount of joy out of that last email.

There is always such a disconnect when you’re a new employee between the propaganda you are given at the start and the reality that is later communicated by your fellow trench mates.
How does this guy kill the internet? That is like a really horrible mutant power… he should be confined to some sort of restrictive box like Magneto.

Haha! Kelly, so glad that this made you snort. Little did anyone know when they were painting around that whiteboard a few years ago that so many people on the internet would be getting their jollies from it.

How can any employee be worth this much aggravation? I don’t care how good they are at their job – and I doubt your little harpy here is an overachiever – no one is talented enough to get away with this kind of frustration and subversion. Good for you for putting her in her place.

She is absolutely not worth it, at all! She is just some affliction that everyone is so accustomed to dealing with that it’s not even questioned anymore. It’s such a mystery to me… Pretty much no one else would get away with that level of crazy.

But as bad as it is to deal with her, and we all have co-workers who fall into her category, consider this: Someone is married to her. I don’t know whether his fate would be classified as purgatory or flat-out hell.

Is this woman’s skill set so critical to the organization that they’re willing to put up with her? Christ, I hate office politics. It’s funny when you’re watching it on TV but in real life it can be debilitating. Having people like that in my life doesn’t feel like success to me. It feels like I made some bad decisions. I swear to God if I ever fall into a giant pile of cash, I will never, ever step into an office agin. Or commute (as long as I’m at it).

Haha no, not at all! I mean… sure, she can make a mean spreadsheet but does anyone really need that? No. She is just a battle axe and spends most of her day looking for other people’s errors so she can point them out.
Oh, and if you ever fall into a giant pile of cash, don’t forget me 😉

Don’t you wonder how people like this are able to retain their jobs? Especially in this fragile economy? Where I currently work, they went through multiple rounds of layoffs. If they had to eliminate a position that was redundant, and one employee had a better skill, but the other one was more pleasant to work with, they kept the one who played well with others. Being agreeable is a marketable skill.

You are too funny. I felt like I could almost picture the expression on your face when he mentioned they had previously painted around it! I love it that she didn’t win. Usually in places I’ve worked before, that person always wins, but not this time! 🙂

Haha! It was an expression of wonder and opportunity and pure, delicious, serendipity. And yes– I think people like this are created by situations where people continuously let them win. I mean… I’m no parent but isn’t this one of those situations where you correct the behavior so it doesn’t keep happening? If only she were motivated by M&Ms and trips to the arcade.

That might be the greatest ending to an office power struggle ever. That red rectangle couldn’t have been more perfect if you had thought of the idea yourself.

And this description — “he’s the size of a 4th grader, wears brightly colored track suits and walks the halls with sunglasses and beats by Dre” — is simply tremendous. I need Dr. Q in my life NOW. He is totally who Kenny from Can’t Hardly Wait grew up to be.

Also, I really appreciate that you make people swear fealty to you. It’s a very pre-decapitation Catelyn Stark move, and she was a boss.

You know, when I’m trying to realign my business strategy I always see how much I can pull from what I’ve seen on Game of Thrones… if it gets too toxic around here I might just have to start attending weddings…

And I SWEAR to you he looks EXACTLY like the Gangnam style guy, it’s uncanny.

I haven’t seen Game of Thrones, but your business strategy sounds suspiciously familiar. Have you read “The Prince” by Machiavelli? It was published in 1532 and decribes how to politically stabilize a conquered country – lots of heads of dissenters roll. It is only a few hundred pages and is a surprising, if grizzly, read. Could, perhaps, be of some assistance in your current employment.

Ha! I’m jealous that you all get along well at your job! I almost can’t even remember what that’s like… When I worked at AT&T we didn’t have drama nearly this bad… it was more like high school. I think I’d take that over this!

Oh. Emm. Gee. I had this happen the other day, I had sent an email to a rep with a question on their actions, and they replied and copied my boss. Now, my boss is only technically my boss because he owns the company, but I run the office and am his boss and have the ability to override him, and what I say goes, so the rep thinking that he was exposing me by copying my boss had another think coming. The rep was like “I was just being transparent, are you upset?” No, gnats like you don’t upset me, my boss is very well aware of what I’m doing without you thinking you are being transparent (a.k.a. tattling), and if you thought you didn’t get enough of our business before, guess how much you’ll get now! 🙂

P.S. Yes, Wanda needs to be swatted away – and I, too, can’t wait to hear more about this!

P.P.S. I love you for so many reasons, but today’s reason is for giving me a Dean Winchester gif in the middle of your post!

Am I mistaken, aren’t you the boss? I’m confused. I would never tell a boss what to do for fear of losing my job. I don’t get people today, but wtf do I know? My husband recently had a coworker demanding things from him via CC’d emails to the boss. His boss finally got tired of his coworker badgering him and thanked my husband for taking care of it. Then he told the guy the matter was over.

Ha, I would harm myself if I were her boss. I am more senior but not in her chain of command– her boss is the clinical director who is on my same level but he is absolutely incapable of being assertive. They are like a really abusive relationship where he is the battered, mumbling husband. And he is in charge of all the doctors in the entire hospital. It’s a mess.

I had a roommate once who would set his alarm for the middle of the night and come running into the kitchen armed with a block of soap to take out the cockroaches who would scuttle out in the darkness. They would always come back, but each night he could go back to sleep secure in the knowledge of victory, if only temporary.

So I applaud your battle and I worship the ground you walk on.

Of course, you’ll lose because those masters of passive/aggressivology are the semi-human equivalent of roaches and they’ll scuttle back out after every nuclear meltdown. But even a red-square (who paints walls red?) is one night’s victory. Yay, you!

Ha! Your old roommate sounds awesome– these are victories I can celebrate. And you’re right… she is like a cockroach and that is the answer to everyone’s questions about how she has managed to stick around for so long.

AND you ask the most valid question ever— why on earth was that wall ever red in the first place?!?!

You are the second person to mention comment issues, argh! I don’t know what is causing that! *waves fist at sky* But thank you so much for trying 3 times, you’re awesome! I hate when I can’t comment on a post, it makes me want to throw my laptop. Should probably consider getting a desktop for that reason.

At the university the funniest thing is when a message goes out to “All”–which is hundreds of people. Then, one by one, various people, many with Ph.D’s, have no idea that they are either asking clarifying questions or have a personal issue they want to discuss with “sender”–and they somehow manage to “reply all” and don’t understand how it works. For hours then, our inbox is clogged with inane comments. How they don’t understand how this works in this day and age I don’t understand.

You have a fascinating workplace! Where does the entitlement come from? I have never pushed my away around a workplace in my life. I work there, not live there. I don’t care about the decor all that much! I do love that YOU “replied all” in response to the “cc” queen!

Those “reply all” traffic jams are the worst! Thinking back, I’m pretty sure the worst one I’ve ever experienced was while I was in college, go figure! And I have no idea where the entitlement comes from, honestly. I don’t know that there was ever a point where she has been in charge or all that important. Maybe she has just read a lot of self-help books and only retained the most self centered lessons? It’s kind of a mystery how this monster was created.

Wait. What the faaark is going on here? My reader didn’t notify me of any new post? I’m only here because I miss you and decided to see if you’d posted any new material. That didn’t sound creepy, right?

Anyway. I find this and am like ‘this is another brilliant post, Wanda’s a major dick and I want to party with Dr Q one day’, and when I get to the end of it, WP is telling me that I’ve already liked this?? This is the first time I am seeing this. Que??

I’ve been kind of tired lately… Have I in fact already read this? And even more embarrassing, already left a comment..? Who knows? Except you of course as this is your blog. But just in case I haven’t:

This is another brilliant post, Wanda’s a major dick and I want to party with Dr Q one day.

Ha! I am fairly certain you have not been here or liked this before. Ugh, but Sean… I don’t want to talk about this post, I need an intervention, I am so hungover. Why oh why did I go out on a weeknight? Why? Kill me. I have so many meetings today. Why? On a friday. Kill me.

Ha. Brilliant. Yes, I was looking at some of the tweets earlier. And speaking of brothers; they were the victims of my weeknight bender last week.

And if you really need cheering up, I was trying to sext a girl at the same time as sending them some heartfelt message (I was watching something on the Discovery channel that made me think of them) and ended up telling BOTH my brothers (whatsapp groups) that I WANTED TO GO DOWN ON THEM!!

Whaaaaat! Oh my gosh, if I accidentally sexted my brothers I would go ahead and just dig a hole in the backyard and bury myself. What did you say to the girl? “Hey babe, I was just thinking…. this orca whale reminds me of how you’ve always been there for me.”

Haha, right?!?! That was pretty much exactly what my boss wanted to do– there is this hideous print that was on his wall when I started that I made fun of and he was like “yeah, can you make that disappear?” He wanted to hang it up on the red, which would have been amazing because it is tall and skinny with gawdy frame and would have just contributed to the horror of it all.

I’ve found the best response to a CC is to directly print the conversation and post it to the employee fridge with a section for anonymous comments … so everyone can help resolve the problem. Then photocopy it all and send a copy to the CC-er, and the CEO. … CEO’s hate it when the peasants uprise.

Kudos on the red wall. I would have simply covered the white board in a giant photo of Ron Jeremy’s junk, then sat back and listened as the projectile vomiting began. (Fresh buttered popcorn will help cover the stench and is, I understand, a favorite snack to have in hand whilst watching something dramatic unfold.)

Haha! Oh my gosh, this is an amazing comment. And I absolutely LOVE the idea of posting an e-mail publicly for anonymous comments. We all know how passionate people can become when they get to hide behind anonymity.

I definitely think your house full of women helps with this! I was probably woefully unprepared because I come from a house of men! How silly of me to think we’d all just get along and/or fight it out and then shake hands at the end? 😉

Hmmm, I wish. Unfortunately I’ve had far more experience with employees who either believe that email is optional to read/respond to or perhaps have never heard of it. Cc’ing anything is way beyond their reach.

Oh my gosh, I work with quite a few people like this. It gets to the point where you have to print the email off and go hand it to them. Also– there was an RN who was the charge nurse for an entire ward who didn’t understand how Microsoft Outlook worked. When I worked on the wards he called me in and was like “which of these (icons) do I click on? Is it the blue E?” It was horrifying.

Or the people who constantly claim that their password(s) don’t work and they can never do anything because they can’t get access due to their constant password issues. Have you had those? I just don’t get it!

Yes, she did move in!!!! And she hasn’t said A WORD. I don’t know if I should celebrate and feel like I’ve won something or if she is just sitting there beneath the red and plotting her revenge… probably the latter. But I’ll be ready.

A couple of things. Forgive my crass and candid comment, but I really want to cunt punch wanda. Secondly, I have a huge problem with the unnecessary cc-ing of fellow coworkers, and now that I don’t work, I want to scream when someone cc-s me on something stupid like why Obama is from Cambodia or why my hairspray is going to make my head explode. I do not want to be a part of a cc unless it completely necessary…like if someone is giving me money and wants a paper trail, then it’s fine.

I am air high fiving you for standing your ground to that disgusting, selfish, BITCH. It is rare if ever I use all three of those words together for one single person lol! But, there is always that one person at work that feels that they own the place and that their word is the Bible. Literally. I’m dying to know what sort of mental disorder Wanda suffers from. For Christmas, you should send her one of those cards that has a place for the gift card. Make the gift card to the most convenient Psychiatrist office around the corner. 🙂

Ha! The best part about this is that she works FOR all of the psychiatrists! She is seriously their administrative assistant– she should be surrounded by all sorts of opportunities for diagnoses and interventions but they actually all quake in their boots and cater to her. It’s incredible and should possibly be some sort of case study.

I don’t have a Wanda, but I DO have a Screw-Lucy…(Obviously NOT her real name, but it suits the crazy hussy to a tee). It simply amazes me that these women think that rules and guidelines simply don’t apply to them. We enforced a simple rule and I found myself facing a bed coming at me (with a patient in it, for gawd’s sake) as I was getting off the elevator one morning. Of course, Screw-Lucy was pushing it, and commenting to the patient that, “We should just run Julie over…” That was the same day Screw-Lucy realized that if you mess with one of us, you’ve just poked a stick at our entire office.

I am LOVING the striking contrast of that wall…That red REALLY pops! 😀

Screw-Lucy, that is absolutely perfect… may have to borrow that one, particularly because I work with an actual Lucy but shhhhh don’t tell 😉

At least your office had your back when it came to her crazy behavior! Using patients to run people over is one of those things that’s just inherently wrong, I’d say. Maybe Screw Lucy needs a nice therapeutic polygon of red in her office.

Clean and devastating is a same sentence sounds something fishy must have happened ! I remember my mobile charger always disappearing after weekends but the limits were crossed when somebody took the small dustbin which I keep upside down to keep my feet on it,

Believe me– when someone is being promoted, they KNOW it. I think she is just very old school/a harpie (obviously) and assigns meaning to things that actually mean absolutely nothing.

The only thing I would update here is that now when I ignore her calls and emails, she walks over and makes passive aggressive comments until I give her a response. But it’s a little bit fun, if I’m honest.

I was gone for three weeks, visiting family, and now I am binge reading your posts. The outcome here made me a little giddy, which just proves that I am back to my old self. Well done Aussa, well done !
Also wanted to add that you have the best commenters.

This Is why the world nowadays has a huge number of unemployment or Massacre at workplace because of childish attitudes, pride, arrogance, egocentric, hostility, hate, jealousy, selfishness, mental problem and all the negativity from people’s mind and body throwing at each other!
Kindness is the key, be kind cause it will come back to you!

[…] you’re sharing a hallway with The Goat Man and reading passive aggressive emails from a harpy with a silver-streaked bun atop her head. Just when you think to yourself “my God, are these people real?” the extreme […]

[…] are always those coworkers you can count on to provide entertainment at work—from Wanda and her squeaking shoes of judgement to The Goat Man and his paranoid vendettas, I am rarely bored. But it’s still a nice […]

[…] by the Executive Director, the Director of Nursing, and the Clinical Director (plus his assistant, Wanda). I’m a sitting duck, surrounded by the Hospital’s Top Three Most Likely to Be Killed By A […]