Why Do Statues Always Have Small Penises?

Most people have, at some point, seen a classical sculpture of a naked man. He was probably gigantic, with perfectly shaped abs, pecs, and glutes – and he probably had way more definition than the average gym-goer.

Nobody says it out loud, but I bet everyone who’s seen a classic art sculpture has asked themselves the same question:

Why do all these perfectly shaped men always have such small dicks?

Instead of gazing at them with satisfaction (after comparing yourself to the rather underwhelming appendages of ancient heroes), I would like to go on a quest to answer the mystery of the marble micropenis.

Are the Greeks trying to tell us that they couldn’t find a more well-endowed man in their community to pose as a national hero? Or maybe that the guys with perfectly shaped bodies were compensating for the lack of meat in their pants?

None of that! Trends change not only in fashion and lifestyle but also in the way we perceive size. Bigger was not always better at all.

According to art historian Ellen Oredsson, in Ancient Greece the majority of people felt a big penis was synonymous with a man who was “foolish, lustful, and ugly.”

Body standards were completely different back then. Our ancient ancestors simply perceived guys with smaller penises to be more rational and intellectual. They believed that a man with a more voluminous cock will be more likely to use it than his brain.

This way of thinking was also promoted in literature:

‘If you do these things I tell you, and bend your efforts to them, you will always have a shining breast, a bright skin, big shoulders, a minute tongue, a big rump and a small prick. But if you follow the practices of today, for a start you’ll have a pale skin, small shoulders, a skinny chest, a big tongue, a small rump, a big prick and a long-winded decree.’

– Clouds by Aristophanes

This is why Michelangelo’s David, who became a symbol of the perfect male body looks like this:

And statues of a satyr, a lustful, drunken woodland god look like this:

Another reason the small penis was more desirable had to do with procreation.

Virility in Greek culture was strongly correlated with the moral and intellectual capacity of man–as well as his power or wealth. The size of his penis was unimportant.

Also, a big penis size could be a potential burden! The Ancient Greeks believed that smaller genitalia enable sperm to travel less distance before entering the woman’s body, therefore making it more efficient to fertile her.

Unfortunately, if you have a micropenis in the modern era, then hoping that the visual standards will change is a pipe dream. You’ll probably be waiting a good few hundred years. Instead learn how to please women in bed, no matter how endowed you are.

About the authorPatrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.