a letter

I see now the flaws that live in myself that stain the vision I knew to be me.

I see now the mantlepiece I put myself on, the burden that strapped me to that shelf.

I see now the part of me I ignored that part that was pushed down because it was flawed, it did not belong.

I see now the choices I had made unconsciously to be what I had been reared to be.

I see now that I was never complete, not because of goals unattained or plans yet to be accomplish but because of the focus on becoming someone that was not me, of fitting into an ideal that was predetermined for me and being blinded by that picture I did not know was not true.

I see now that I was incomplete because I had not accepted all that I am.

I see now that I was incomplete because I had not loved all that I am.

I see now that I am my flaws, I am my good, I am my bad. I do not have to choose within myself, I do not have to choose which part to suppress. I am beautiful because I am flawed. I am light, I am dark. I am strong, I am weak. I am not perfect and because of that I am.

I have lost that veil of innocence emeded deep in me, that scence of unattainable ideal I had always strived to achieve because it was always so. I have lost a part of me, crumbled with the mantlepiece I had put up. The rose coloured glasses are left shattered in the debris.

I see you now, in the mirror, maybe for the first time, but I see you and you are not who I thought you were when I looked at you a week ago. You stared back at me but I looked away. I see you, I accept you, I will love all of you, but as a start, I love most of you.

—Sandra Francesca.

Happy Reading

Note: This was written by me, as part of a free writing exercise challenge set by The Daily Post. It is a series themed on loss, and is part One of the Loss series. I hope you stay tuned for more. Thank you.