Things To Teach Your First Child

Things I'll Teach My First Kid (Or, 14 Reasons Why I Suck)

I’ll say, "Force yourself to experience new things. I know that people who studied abroad in college are obnoxious, but I don’t care; you should do it. Because when they’re yammering on about their summer in Madrid, you’ll roll your eyes but you’ll really just be jealous that you spent your summer watching TV."

Don’t get so uncomfortable around homeless people...

I’ll say, "Don’t get so uncomfortable around homeless people. They’re not going to rob you. Be better than that. Treat them with respect. Buy them a sandwich if you can. And give to charity as often as possible. You’ll always have a few bucks to spare."

Pay attention to the news...

I’ll say, "Pay attention to the news. And politics. Don’t spend all your time on social media and TV and movies and sports. Devote your attention to things that actually matter. Be informed and well read. Don’t ever be forced to stealthily object from conversations about current events."

Be ruthless...

I’ll say, "Be ruthless. Don’t go with the flow. Find something you want and put in the work to become exceptional. So many people dream big, but they’re afraid to sit down and do the work. Don’t be one of them."

And I’ll say, "If you fall short of anything, even everything on this list, that’s alright.

I’ll still love you. I’ll always love you."

People keep asking me if I’m scared. And I guess —âeven in light of everything I said aboveâ—âthe answer is no.

I know that there’ll be times when I have no idea what to do with this kid. When I reach into my bag of morals and values and come up empty. And for times like that, I’ll look to my wife. I’ll remember how, standing in our dark, half-packed apartment, on one of the most important nights of our life, she put the pregnancy tests down on the table, smiled, and said:

“Of course we’re still doing the fantasy draft.”

A small reminder of why we fell in love in the first place. That what we’ve created together didn’t happen in spite of our flaws.