Monday, July 6, 2009

Kinda Worried About Tyler HansBro

Bros. I recently saw a picture of Tyler HansBro, and something is wrong.

If you've seen the 2002 documentary film The Ring then you already know what I'm talking about. Judging by the blurriness on his face, I'd estimate that HansBro has about 4 days to live. It is likely his buddy on the right is already dead (RIP Buddy).

Not cool, Sadako.

In that documentary, the filmmakers go in-depth trying to figure out what exactly happened to the girl that kills everybody in that movie. If you can't remember the sequence of events, here is a quick breakdown:

Watch a creepy video.

Face goes blurry.

Tortured young girl comes and kills you.

Here is a diagram of what happened to the last Teletubby to watch the video.

RIP Teletubby

As you can see, Sadako ate the Teletubby's insides from the inside. It's horrific and I don't want that to happen to Tyler HansBro. Why you ask?

With the continued irrelevance of Jason KaBrono and the increasing annoyance that is Shaquille Bro'neal, there has to be someone to step in to that void and represent for all the Bros in the world. Tyler HansBro is that Bro.

Besides, who is going to sell those Dockers?

These Dockers aren't going to sell themselves.

That's why it's troubling. We need Bros in the league, just like we need Bros in our blog posts. Without Bros, how would we know who is legit and authentic (i.e Dudes), and who is not legit or authentic (e.g. Bros).

I can only imagine Tyler's face when he saw The Ring.

Tyler's face when he saw The Ring

So not only have we lost a marketing superstar, we've also lost the last remaining Bro hope in the NBA. Now, there is no foil for Dudes such as Brad Miller and Greg Oden and Chris Bosh. Dudes need Bros, and Bros need Dudes. This is how the world works.