Breaking Up With Your Toxic Friends

Breaking Up With Your Toxic Friends

If she’s gone from friend to frenemy, how and when is it time to say goodbye?

-Leslie Adler

Did you ever break up with a friend?

It’s very difficult.

It’s like throwing out a garbage can.

For like two weeks the garbage men refused to take my discarded can. I had to put a huge sign on it that said, “The can is trash … seriously! Please put the can in your truck.”

Get my point? It’s not easy.

I’m not talking about the mutual disdain feeling … the slow burn, where the calls and get-togethers dwindle. I am talking about where only one of you gets that the other is toxic or, worse, a frenemy, and you need to “put the can in the truck.”

Most of us have it engrained in our minds that you are not supposed to quit on friends. Once we have established someone as a true friend we tend to be very slow to realize that they are not behaving towards us as such. We let toxic behaviors roll off our backs, we have blind spots for actions that undermine us and we tolerate “stuff” because “we’re friends.” But what about when the scales tip and the unhappiness a friend causes you outweighs their redeeming qualities or the redeeming qualities of the friendship?

What if the “fun” is gone? Do you have to stick around? We have to deal with our families, we have to deal with people at work and at school … but do we have to stick around in relationships we presumably started for fun that don’t get us there anymore?

0 thoughts on “Breaking Up With Your Toxic Friends”

Ug breaking up with a friend is hard. But as I get older I realize that the time is precious an dI need to spend it with people who lift me up, not bring me down. I’m a fan of the slow fade though — no confrontations!

it’s harder to break up with a friend than with a boyfriend…and certainly harder to confront them, but as i get older, i dont think i would have problem telling someone that they no longer are worthy of my time or friendship.

This is a dilema I am have been faced with on more than one occasion. You just don’t jive with that friend anymore, or worse, there are severe problems. I usually just let it fizzle out. Or go into hibernation. I am not good at confrontation. I would rather just close my eyes and pretend it isn’t there.