When to let kids choose what they wear

Babies don’t care what they wear, allowing parents to dress them up in whatever outfit they find most adorable at the moment.

But once our kids grow into toddlers, they can form their very own sense of fashion very quickly, sometimes leaving their parents speechless with their clothing choices.

In the face of crazy clothing combinations, a penchant for superhero costumes as daily wear or a desire to go outside sporting only underwear, what’s a parent to do?

"Our job is to socialize our children so they find a place of belonging in our society," says Alyson Schafer, parenting expert and author of "Ain’t Misbehavin’." "It’s true we don’t want to squelch their spirit, but raising a child who is not prepared for social living will be an isolate and be unhappy, not a ‘free spirit.’"

Kids have to learn there are different rules for places outside the home, Schafer says. Though we can give them plenty of leeway with their style choices, in places like preschool they will have to fit into what is expected — and that includes not showing up dressed as Batman. Wise parents don’t want to battle with their kids over getting dressed, so where should you start?

Set the stage for success. If your child is obsessed with items like princess gowns that are inappropriate for daily wear, put those out of sight, away from daily clothes. Appealing options ready to go in her dresser drawers might inspire her to be happy with more suitable choices.

If your child tries to insist on wearing a favorite item that is dirty, talk about the difference between clean and dirty, and explain that clean clothes are healthier for us. But if they resist taking off a dirty shirt, it may not be worth arguing over, Schafer says. As parents, sometimes we need to stop worrying about how others might perceive us and let children make their own small mistakes. "Usually after someone makes a remark about the jelly on their shirt, it’s embarrassment that makes them want to adopt that social norm of ‘clean shirts at school.’"

What about a toddler who doesn’t want to wear clothes at all? Parents shouldn’t be alarmed; it’s very common for small children to prefer going au naturel.

"Nudity is great," Schafer says, and people should love their bodies. Different families will have different rules about children being naked around the house, and that is fine. Obviously, though, nudity and public events don’t mix, so if you have a small nudist, emphasize that the privacy of home is different.

Parents of a school-age child who chooses unorthodox clothing combinations might worry that other kids will make fun of her. Schafer suggests not criticizing her choices, but instead teaching small lessons through compliments — say, by praising matching clothes on days when things go better. We shouldn’t project too much, either, she cautions, or overemphasize looks or appearances. Besides, who’s to say your child isn’t a trendsetter?