Gender Equality and Opportunities for Girls Today

The issue of gender equality has been one that has evoked passionate viewpoints and opinions for many years. Certainly, in terms of opportunities for women, things have come a long way in the last 40 years.

In the past, it was expected that a young woman would get married and stay home. If she chose to work, it would be because she had to. Further, the job opportunities she would likely have would be restricted to ones that were “acceptable” for females to have. It wouldn’t necessarily be impossible to get into male-dominated fields, but very challenging in many cases.

Today, more than half of new college graduates in the U.S. are women. Additionally, women earn more than half of new graduate degrees as well. This translates into more women entering the workforce. Clearly, things have changed a ton over the years, as there are female breadwinners in households and some women that hold prominent positions in the most prestigious professions in our society.

Things have changed a ton, no question about it.

Or have they?

I ask this in light of a recent conversation I had with my 7-year old, who’s a very bright, friendly, affectionate girl. Her test scores at school are sky high, and she has parents with masters degrees who strongly believe in education.

We were talking the other day about a TV show, where a female character was upset that her boyfriend didn’t buy her a nice enough gift. I remarked that the girl on TV was not very thankful, and that boys don’t always have to buy girls things.

To my surprise, she said that boys are supposed to buy things for girls.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because boys have bigger muscles”, she said, very innocently.

I quickly replied: “Just because boys have bigger muscles doesn’t mean that they’re smarter than girls, or have more money than girls. Girls can do just about anything as well as boys, and can have any job boys can have”

Her response: “Girls seems to be teachers and nurses but they can’t be doctors. The men are the doctors and the bosses at work.”

Hmmm. I think teaching is very honorable, as my own mother was a teacher. Nurses help save lives. Those are great professions, which I’d be fine with my daughter (or son) being a part of. But they aren’t restricted to females, and doctors aren’t only men. And who the heck says that the bosses at work have to be men? As a man, I don’t believe this to be the case at all.

You see, as father, I want my daughter to grow up to be able to be independent and take care of herself. No need to grow up helpless, and expecting a guy to take care of her. I want her to be educated, self-sufficient, strong, and able to survive on her own. In my heart and soul, of course I would do anything in the world to take care of my daughter until the day I’m no longer able to. She’s Daddy’s little girl, and I’m fiercely protective. It’s apparent to all who know me. However, my mind tells me that we need prepare her for adult life, which is the job of a parent. That means teaching life skills and allowing a child – boy or girl – to be able to survive and thrive independently as adults.

Now, if she eventually – and hope it’s a LONG time from now – meets a great guy who’s right for her and she for him, then they can figure out a work/life plan that works for them. If it so happens that the young guy can support her while she stays home to raise kids, that will be their choice. And if that’s what her dream would be, then I’d totally support it. However, life can take many twists, and she’ll need to be able to take care of herself if she has to. I think that stands true whether you have a daughter or a son.

So why, in 2011, are these stereotypes seeping into the minds of elementary school girls?

This isn’t the thought process modeled at home. I think boys and girls can do anything they put their minds to, and both are just as capable of succeeding academically and professionally. There are no preconceived limits on what a girl can or can’t do.

A girl can grow up to be a teacher, nurse, doctor, astronaut, marketer, CPA, lawyer, social worker, journalist, engineer, volunteer, stay at home mom….you name it. Sky’s the limit; it’s up to each girl to follow her dreams. No door should be closed, and they shouldn’t expect any door to be closed. Maybe NFL player or heavy laborer aren’t options:) But not much else.

What are your thoughts on where we are today with respect to gender equality and how that relates to opportunities/expectations for kids?

Comments

I remember listening to my girls when they were your daughters age. I had many of the same conversations. I think much of it has to do with how black and white they see things at that age. As my girls have gotten older (they are 12 now) they’ve expanded and can see different possibilities for themselves. My concern now is they are both very bright and I hope they don’t ‘dumb’ down at school to fit in! It’s always something, isn’t it!

Molly – thanks for sharing. Interesting what you say about girls “dumbing down” to fit in. I was told this same thing by a mom of a high school boy who’s very smart, has had a few girlfriends, and hangs with bright well adjusted kids at a really strong high school. The mom mentioned how annoyed she was at how the girls let the boys seem to be smarter in order to appeal to egos and societal/peer roles. The girls were top students. I guess some things are somewhat ingrained, but I want my daughter to be confident in herself and her abilities, and not feel that she’s less capable or has to act that way. Still young, so we have time to help guide.

Parents must counteract advertising, marketing, stereotypes, bad parenting, prejudice, bias, peer pressure and the list goes on and on. Keep encouraging your daughter, help her investigate the things she is interested in, expose her to as many careers as you can and definitely expose her to successful women. My children (boy & girl) are successful adults because we did what I am suggesting for you.

Krantcents – well said and good advice. I think exposure to different learning opportunities and successful people, along with encouraging confidence, goal setting, and intellectual curiosity are ways to help counteract some of the issues you brought up. Parents that are strong enough to have the resolve to do what’s right and not what’s easy are ultimately doing what’s best fir the kids in my view.

I was raised to not even question the idea that I could do absolutely anything when I grew up. It drove my parents crazy that I didn’t care what I did as long as I could find a great guy to spend my life with – not to provide for me, but I just knew life would be better if I had a partner. I’m so glad my husband was looking for the same thing at the same time, lol. It still drives my mom nuts that I’m still more socially motivated than personally motivated…

Anyway, coming back from that rabbit trail, I’m slightly worried for your 7 year old. Hopefully she’ll learn what you are trying to teach because I don’t feel like anything is cut off from women anymore. I’m not naive, some fields will take more stubborness and work than others to fight for her place, but anything is possible at least. The world isn’t 100% equal for everyone yet, but just being born into this society means she has a huge head start. 🙂

Crystal- good for you for doing what you want. We get one life, why not approach it the way that’s best fir each of us, right?

As for the little girl, I see her as being very smart, curious, and loving. My approach is that she should have no limits and should pursue her dreams when she gets older. I’ll do everything feasible to prevent the gender stereotypes from taking hold, at terms of limitations anyway. Some differences are there socially, interests, etc of course but not intellectually or in terms of career capabilities!

What an interesting post. I remember when I was eight, my plans were to be a cashier at the grocery store. At seventeen I planned on being a secretary even though I planned on going away to college. It is funny how a lot has to do with what you see in everyday life.

My daughter is in high school and wants to be a medical researcher. I know she will be torn when she has kids because I have been at home with them, even though I still worked some of the time from home. I am sure my example of staying home with the kids will affect her future choices just as tv and such affects people’s views of the world.

I will say though that I think things have gotten much better regarding gender equality than how they were when we were kids.

Everyday Tips – yeah, it’s interesting how kids perspectives are shaped by what they see in daily life. Which is cool. My big thing is that as a girl, my daughter doesn’t get caught up in stereotypes that get her thinking that there are careers she shouldn’t take on, because I do think she should be able to do anything. Except the obvious like NFL player, construction worker, etc.

I’ll echo krantcents in that I think the media, and especially the “role models” in television and pop culture really influence young girls.
Not sure why I hadn’t subscribed here before, but consider it done. I like your blog 🙂

Women can achieve a lot in this country. I do however believe that there are some strong prejudices and biases in business offices. But it is so much better now than it was back in 1950-60s. Even in 1980s. However I wonder what girls are leaning and from whom when they express their thoughts that only men can be bosses. Teachers, TV, friends? That would upset me a lot… great article.

Aloysa – yeah, I wasn’t too thrilled to hear those things. I wasn’t too upset either, as kids that age are impressionable and often reactive of short-term things. It’s good to see that things are getting better with equality. Really, I’m a big believer and advocate of fairness for all, regardless of gender, ethnic background, etc. This happened to be the specific topic because of my family.

Maybe it is because my boy is only7 weeks old and not 7 years old…but I don’t think this really all that big of a deal. How many other things has your daughter said that really just mean nothing? and don’t stick?

Evan – I see where you’re coming from, and in the big picture kids are young, impressionable, and are just kids. Very few of us are doing what we would have said we wanted to do when we were 7. Funny though, I remember saying I wanted to be a reporter and here I am with a blog all of a sudden much later in life:) All this said, since she’s my kid, I do pay close attention to comments like this. Reason is that it’s the little things that when left unchecked can become bigger issues. Good to nip things in the bud sometimes, especially since nothing’s more important than issues related to one’s own children.

I’m a big believer in role models. If your daughter sees a variety of women in all kinds of roles then she will know it’s possible. I had very limited exposure to female role models(besides my mom) until high school. Once I knew I could choose any profession as long as I was able to put the hours in to learn it, I felt pretty positive about being successful. I remember in high school I told my chemistry teacher I was probably not going to go to college and become a secretary. She really was appalled and sponsored me to go on a women in engineering camp at Michigan Tech. It literally changed my life.

First Gen – I believe in role models as well, absolutely. That’s great that you had that ecouragement in high school that postively impacted the course of your life. My daughter has good role models, fortunately, which makes it interesting how these thoughts permeated. May be others at school or TV influences. Goes to show that parents must pay close attention to things!

Squirrelers,
I think that your 7 yr old will turn out OK. I have a feeling she’ll go back to whichever friends gave that line about boys being only doctors and bosses, and say “Well, my daddy said that’s not right. Girls can be astronauts if they want to, so there”.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s, my mom got me a series of books titled, “What can she be…. A X” where X is scientist, lawyer, doctor, lumberjack etc. (well, not lumberjack). It’s too bad they don’t have those anymore. But, you can totally get the Free to Be You and Me soundtrack, which is not only full of great messages, but has really catchy tunes!

I was always the only girl at science enrichment day camps. The only girl in the room gleefully dissecting a cow’s eye, and so on. A future post we have will mention my disgust at the gifts given at girl’s birthday parties compared to the awesome ones my son just received at his.

I remember being disgusted with a school counselor in middle school, concerned that I didn’t have any friends, when I mentioned that I’d been told by one of the boys that they didn’t like the way I always knew the answer in class. The school counselor suggested I stop answering so many questions. Ridiculous.

Anyhow, we had a very strong pro-feminist household growing up, completely aware of societal pressures not to achieve. And that’s probably why I have a PhD from a top institution in a male-dominated field.

p.s. Molly from Molly on Money is in construction. Women in construction are actually in very high demand because they’re needed to meet government contracting regulations. So maybe not NFL unless she’s a *really* good kicker, but construction is totally not off the table if that’s what she wants to do.

Nicole – I enjoyed reading your comment. Good for you with your accomplishments. Also, I found your comment on “societal pressures not to achieve” particularly interesting. Yeah, this is along the lines of what I’m surprised to see in 2011 in our country. The good news is that if a parent has a different view from this, as I do and it seems your household did growing up, it’s possible to counteract it.

Growing up in the 60’s, it’s hard to believe that we’re still talking about this. My relatives used to laugh hysterically when I’d tell them that I wanted to be a doctor and say, “Isn’t that cute?” So of course, I didn’t – but I did get an MBA and CPA. After pushing our way into the workforce and insisting on fair consideration so long ago, I’m stunned to hear young women in lower & middle management who want to get married and leave the workforce. One even told me that she feels that “you feminists were sold a bill of goods.” I don’t know who’s right, but I think that women at least now can choose a path, and I guess that’s what the effort achieved.

Leigh, thanks for the comment. Funny how you mention that you talked about being a doctor, but ended up with an MBA and CPA. Personally, my family talked about me being a doctor, but I ended with an MBA and prior to that, passing the CPA exam. Opposite expectations, but similar paths. Interesting…..

I guess I’m lucky that I didn’t have many social graces going up. Like, none. I had very few friends until about 10th grade.

But I loved school, and I loved learning, and I always wanted to get the best grades, and do whatever I wanted to do. I never questioned that I’d go to college (though my dad told me that it was a waste of education on a girl, I should just get married. I mean, he told all my sisters that too. Geez.)

Role modeling is the key. I don’t know if your choices will affect her or not. My mom stayed at home, but her two daughters most certainly did not. I don’t think my son will “expect” his future wife to stay at home, but that’s up to them.

As a 40-year old female engineer – I’m used to being one of the few females. Only female in my group for many years at different companies. I was also in the Navy – not a lot of women in my area there either (10 out of 300). The only thing I ever wanted to do that I couldn’t was serve on a submarine when I was in the Navy. Lo and behold, they are changing that now (too late for me!)

Loving school is great. I didn’t until much later, and enjoyed it more as I got older. Grad school was the most I enjoyed learning, believe it or not. In any event, I agree with you that role modeling is key. Having said that, good for you that you didn’t listen to the comments that education for a girl is a waste. As an engineer, you’re yet one of millions of examples of why it’s not! As a father myself, I encourage my daughter to strive to make herself the best she can be, without undue pressure.

I was just about to comment when I noticed Marcia said almost exactly what I wanted to!
I’m female, but never was ‘girly’ – when I was younger, my dream job was an astronaut. I’m now a web developer, and have come to assume I will be (almost) the only girl in any work-related setting.

In my home country it was never a big deal, I was treated exactly the same as my male peers (possibly paid less, but I think that’s more to do with my personality than gender – I was never comfortable pushing for more). In my current country it’s more of a problem, because gender roles are way stronger here. One employer even told me straight out he didn’t feel comfortable giving me negative feedback because I’m a “woman”! Fortunately that was in a meeting about why that particular job wasn’t working, and I wasn’t there for much longer.

We’re planning on having kids soon, and I would *love* to be at home with them, even if it’s working from home. I really hope that they (daughter or son) see their mum is just as capable as their dad at anything – or even better at some things, like assembling furniture 😉

Ajtacka – that’s quite a comment that past employer said about giving feedback. Makes me wonder how often this comes up in different companies. Anyway, I like your last sentence as well – would be great for kids to see parents as being equally capable of taking responsibility for things, regardless of stereotyped roles.

If the girls aren’t watching much TV, they’re likely getting their ideas from the playground as well as books. You can’t control the playground, but you can sway the books. Take a look at the books they’re reading (text books too) with the eye on gender roles. If you don’t like what you see, you can start looking for books that are more in line with your ideas on gender equality. Have the girls seen Tangled? I took my four year old daughter to see it because she’s obsessed with princesses. It turned out to be a fun movie! And the princess character was done well (finally Disney). She was artistic, intelligent, and had a mean skillet!

MutantSuperModel – I’ll keep in mind that movie. Princesses are still in favor here, though older kids shows are getting popular here too. Interesting mix, but maybe some of these kids shows reinforce the stereotypes. Even Shrek, where the Knight in Shining Armor is supposed to rescue the princess, feeds into the “Damsel in Distress” mindset.

eemusings – Didn’t the U.S. win a Women’s Olympic soccer championship, or something of the like back in the late 1990’s/2000? It’s not as popular as men’s World Cup soccer without a doubt, but it’s not a sport that’s reserved for men, and there has been some buzz over major women’s soccer. For girls…well, recall being at a little kid’s birthday party a few years ago , where it was at an indoor soccer facility, and seeing some little girls chase the ball around with excitement. They were just as into it as the boys, though less aggressive.

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