How do you find the perfect partner? Is it written in the stars, connected to your horoscope? Sri Lankans (and Indians) firmly believe so. Before two people marry, their horoscopes are tallied. There are roughly 20 points of comparison (don’t ask, it’s VERY complicated), some more important than others. The way I understand it, the temperament / character / future of the two partners are matched against each other. Essentially the horoscope matching helps to find out whether the two partners will be able to lead a happy life together or not – which is important for an arranged marriage because sometimes the future bride and groom don’t know each other at all.I don’t much believe in this, but I can see that it makes sense… more sense actually than marrying someone on a whim because you’ve fallen in love, only to find out that once you remove the rose-tinted glasses of infatuation, you have nothing in common to build a life on. On the other hand, some people are truly in love, but not allowed to marry because their horoscopes don’t match. And I’ve seen many marriages that are a disaster, although the horoscopes tally nicely.

So what’s a better way to find Mr. Right / Mrs. Right? The internet is full of websites for online dating and online match-making. Personally, I am highly critical of those because it is just too easy to lie and to be deceived. Then again, who’s to say that the ads in the newspapers are true or that a person you meet is really showing their true face? I think if one opts for a website to find a partner, it’s best to narrow the search down as much as possible or to focus on those sites that are for a special group of people. If you have a common religion, ethnicity, age group, hobby or interest to start from, the chances might be higher that you ‘click’.

Speaking of ‘perfect match’, does that mean you have to be 100 % alike? But then what about the old adage “opposites attract”? I think – as is so often the case in life – the middle way is the best.Firstly, it’s very hard to find someone who’s just like you. Secondly, if (for example) you’re both lazy and suck at making decisions, how on earth are you ever going to achieve anything? It’s best if you have common interests to anchor your love in but also differ in certain areas so that you form a team. You can only walk properly if you wear a left shoe and right shoe, not if you wear two shoes that are exactly the same.I’ve seen that with my husband and myself: He’s a numbers person (accountant) and I’m a words person (writer), and we think completely differently. I can’t live without books, and he only ever reads a few newspaper articles here and there. He’s very practical and I’m all about theory. We tackle problems from two opposed angles. Yet we match well as a couple: Because like that both sides of the coin are covered, and because we have other areas in life where we’re perfectly in sync, small and big matters that bind us together and make us stronger as one.

Enough rambling… What do you think helps to find the ‘perfect partner’? What should match, and how do you determine who’s compatible?

1. I think at the end of A-Z you will become a great Love/Marriage consultant. With your husband's inputs, maybe it will be a super opportunity to launch a dating website. Seriously!
2. I believe in astrology to some extent - in that if it can be used as a guiding tool to reshape one's life. Like I believe it's possible to predict a person's future. Only it should not be taken that the predictions are written in stone. For eg., if you know you are at Point A that is so far from Point B where you want to be, it helps you judge the kind of effort you need to put in to reach Point B. I sincerely believe its possible to even change the lines on your palm (read palmistry) if you understand what it says and want to make changes in your life. I have seen my career line growing with effort on my part. :)
3. Perfect partner? Only time will tell :)

Perfect comment! :D Thanks for the detailed feedback, Sundari. And I agree to some extent that astrology can guide. It just freaks me out when some people take it for granted.

Reply

Prasanna

4/17/2015 06:16:18 pm

That's a very interesting question. How to find the perfect partner? Although mine was an arranged marriage where my husband's and my horoscopes were matched, I still don't believe in it. There are so many factors in making a successful marriage and blessed are those who find that perfect companion to spend their rest of life with.

I think good marriages / relationships happen because of our attitudes, understanding, tolerance, compromise and respect. From a spiritual perspective we attract those into our sphere who are vibrational matches.

They say, a real person is not perfect, and a perfect person is not real. So, there are no perfect relationships, however in a relationship we must appreciate the similarities, and respect the differences.

I believe in astrology to an extent. Especially some of the more scientific aspects of it like the Nadi Shastra which has its base in human biology. But completely relying on the stars, doesn't make much sense to me. It should be used only as a point of reference and a guiding tool.
P.S. I wrote a post a while back on the Opposites Attract theory.
<a href="http://www.shanayatales.com/do-opposites-attract-only-in-science-or-even-in-love-2/">*Do Opposites attract only in Science, or even in Love?* </a>