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Thinking Out Loud: Mind Clutter

April 07, 2016

Trying this Thinking Out Loud thing again. Quite honestly, I've been having a lot of negative thoughts lately. My mind has gotten to me, trapping myself in downward spirals of self-unlove. Thought it would be a good idea to type stuff out & kinda declutter my mind. Ooomm.

Currently eating some form of chocolate overnight oats with walnut butter, prepared sans recipe. The milk/oat proportions completely skewed. Note to self: Follow a recipe.

Sunday night I attended the TEDx event at my school. It was my first time to watch a TED talk in person. One of them was entitled "You are not what you eat." Food thoughts have been rampant lately so definitely good for me to be reminded that other factors shape one's, uhhh shape.I am more than the traditional nourishment that I consume;food cannot define us alone.

As much as I enjoyed the talks themselves, I felt so... unaccomplished? Here are these incredibly talented, multi-faced people doing amazing things, making a difference. Then there's me, who can barely make it through each day without doubting herself, whose room is a complete mess, who is not learning from her mistakes, who needs to fix ___, _____, _____--a never-ending list of problems that are aren't real problems at all.

Been thinking more and more about getting a tattoo. Something teeny tiny and ridiculously simple. I'm leaning towards either the libra constellation or the libra symbol (see below). With my future being in the corporate world, however, I . Plus my pain tolerance is preeeeeetty low. What are the least painful places to get one that is both professional AND that I'll be able to see regularly?

It feels so good to get my summer plans all sorted out ❤︎ Exciting stuff going down the next few months! My last final ends on the 30th--even before my university's official finals week begins! Though I'll be done relatively earlier, that means craziness for the next 23 days. Yikes.

But the future is terrifying me. I don't know what I want and I don't know what to do. I feel everything is coming toofast. Can we please s l o w d o w n? I hate disappointing people and I hate the fact that I'm letting my fear of said disappoint get to me. As much as I need be selfish with this decision, I can't let go of these expectations. I'm afraid of making the "wrong" choice, if there is such a thing. Despite what everyone is saying how this isn't permanent, it feels incredibly so.

On a lighter note, I've had to wear a suit almost every weekday for the past 3 weeks. Thank the lords these interviews are (finally) over!!! Shorts have never felt better PLUS the weather has been glorious.

Questions:

Favorite TED talks?Got any advice on the tattoos? How do you think through major decisions? TGIT!!! How was your week?

I think the biggest thing I've learned in the last couple of years is that no matter how hard you try to plan and make the "perfect" or "right" decision so you don't do anything "wrong" - life will always have a way of putting you on a new path you never expected. Your "plan" will always be turned around on you. I've been trying to just give in to and live with the flow of life a bit more. It can feel hard, but so, so freeing. And just keep breathing. Some things are out of your control - so might as well enjoy the small moments as they come :)