stylish mittens

Get Your Kewl Old-Timey Rags From the Mitt Romney Vintage Stores

What must Mitt Romney do to reach the kids? How about a filter, on the iPhone? The kids know how to game that. Then maybe… t-shirts with a photograph of a Latin American leftist revolutionary? That would be sort of leftist. Okay, let’s settle for totebags and stuff that look like Scooby Doo art. It’s all for sale in the official Mitt Romney Vintage collection!

For $20, you can be the proud owner of this “Vintage Romney 2012 Canvas Tote,” like all the Civil Rights Marchers and Feminists carried while they were fighting the cops and the patriarchy, in the 1960s.

Or how about the $35 Vintage Romney Three-Quarter Sleeve Henley, like they used to wear in Vintage times? It’s like all those competitive sport athletes in the 70s and stoners in Dazed and Confused used to wear: You got the one color on the bottom, see, but then there’s a different color on top, and then you put them together and it’s a shirt.

Maybe you’re poor, like some people were in the 60s. For only three dollars (in 2012 dollars), you can buy this photo button of Mitt Romney with his father, George, who was a politician in the 60s. He lived it!

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

Costs be dammed, I'm totally getting that tote bag for myself to hold my shrooms and will then take it with me when I totes hit Haight-Ashbury cause the logo is, like, psychedelic. That Romney must be one cool-ass dude, dudes.

kittensdontlie

Gotta have the shrooms. The Morms know you don't get visits from the Angel Moroni by toking on straight weed..

nounverb911

Do they accept Swiss Francs?

Wadisay

Romney 2012 Unisex White Tee

And here I thought Romney believed that t-shirts were between one man and one woman.

Biff

If a t-shirt is all that separates me from a woman, then by all means, I'm taking it off.

SorosBot

I thought vintage referred to actual old-time clothing, not stuff that's just made to look old-timey.

If I were a heartless, filthy rich oligarch with designs on world domination I would have hired a decent graphic designer. But maybe it's one of those things where he had to hire a Mormon, the way Tom Cruise has to hire fellow Scientologists as poolboys.

Baconzgood

Fuck that shit. I got a tote bag from NPR two years ago and it couldn't tote a toting thing that needed to be toted in a tote factory.

DustBowlBlues

Public Broadcasting libel!

anniegetyerfun

But did you get a Nina Totenbag?

kittensdontlie

Totebags?? Isn't toting what I pay my personal assistants to do? (OK, they are just illegals, but they do have strong arms from all that rigorous farmwork).

They stole that pose of the eagle from the nest cams. It's the duck and cover (with your wings) the little fish you just stole from your fellow pre-fledgling. Steal it, and then shelter it, the perfect Rmoney-Bain-Cayman logo.

sharethegrief

"My Dad went to Switzerland and all I got was this lousy Blind Trust."

VaWyo

To be more hip than Obama he is going to need to sell Romney 2012 bongs and even that might not do it.

"Moms drive the economy". And moms who actually work for a living even more so.

Of course, Ann drove the economy by hiring the maids, chefs and the nannies who raised her kids.

anniegetyerfun

Ann's a jerb creator, and you're just jelly.

Biff

Moms drive the economy, one Cadillac at a time. The other one is still on the top floor, waiting on the elevator.

CountryClubJihadi

I love the restroom symbols representing them.

Isyaignert

It's so 'effin' laughable that they think we're falling for their average Joe and Jane routine when all they care about is the uber rich.

There's no damn reason for anyone to be worth more than $999,999,999.00. That's all you get mofos; it's more than you can spend in your lifetime unless you're trying to buy a president and/or Congress. The rest is taxed at 100%. Don't like it? Move!!

kittensdontlie

When I look at that t-shirt I get the subliminal message: "Believe in America's Ta-ta's". Am I the only one that sees that??

This is a much funnier story when you're an Old and easily confused and read the descriptions under the items, thinking they are the actual ones from the romney hispster factory. That Ginger, he got me again.

OneYieldRegular

I like the $20 "Believe" poster, with its silhouette of the United States offering a not-so-subtle message in omitting Hawai'i – and another, very-not-so-subtle message in omitting Alaska.

DustBowlBlues

Judging by the offerings under Vintage, I'm guessing trucknutz are too new to fit in this category. Too bad. That bizarre pac-man inspired chicken would look awesome, dangling from a vintage pickup.

Chichikovovich

That photo records Mitt trying to talk his dad out of making civil rights an issue. "Dad, I know you really care about this, but the way the Republican party is heading today, it's just not a smart move".

DustBowlBlues

"Made in the USA" is not only a liberal issue, but typical of labor union stuff. To make the base happy, it should read, "Made by scab honkies in the USA south."

SorosBot

Or "made by virtual slave labor in the Northern Mariana Islands, which as a US territory allows us to call this 'Made in the USA'".

DahBoner

I used to use paper filters for my phone, but now I got a stainless steel one and I never have to change it….

elburritodeluxe

I'm loving the eagle logo, actually. Little known fact, Mormons worship the Eagle as their War God.

Come here a minute

I'm holding out for the dressage uni.

Antispandex

Where are the mom jeans and wingtips?

sbj1964

Wow! For a rich millionaire he has some really cheap crappy swag.

Kidneys4Sale

That's for the plebes. People who don't make him shifty eyed and uncomfortable get access to the gold emblazoned Bentley's, yachts and no-bid government contracts.

BornInATrailer

The t-shirt with the white "Romney" makes me see a short blue wizard (or gnome) making out with Clyde from Pac-Man. Clyde is just all up in that white beard.

ttommyunger

That confident stride of the Mittster says it for all Rightards: "Clueless, and proud of it!".

Dumbedup

the logo actually looks vaguely spermatozoic if you squint while holding in a bong hit.

Biff

What must George Will think of his candidate wearing dungarees?

Rotundo_

I'm sticking with my "Mitt is the Shit!" homemade tee with the big red circle and slash through "the".