Big dick energy – you know it when you see it. Not physically – well, not necessarily. It’s an attitude. A swagger. A vibe.

You don’t even need a penis to have BDE. Rihanna, for example? Really strong BDE. David Beckham, not so much.

But those who took a 20-minute break from social media and returned to find their timeline full of big dick energy chat are asking each other: what is it?

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And then, sotto voce: do I have it?

While it sounds like it has been round forever, the phrase first appeared on Twitter this week in relation to Ariana Grande.

Grande tweeted, then deleted, about the generous endowment of her fiance Pete Davidson. The internet was delighted. Davidson, a comedian and star of Saturday Night Live who is very charismatic but perhaps not conventionally attractive, “exudes big dick energy”, according to Twitter user @babyvietcong, who had borrowed the phrase from a tweet by @imbobswaget.

Tina (@babyvietcong)

Pete davidson is 6’3 with dark circles, exudes big dick energy, looks evil but apparently is an angel, and loves his girl publicly the only thing wrong w him is that he’s a scorpio but anyway.....id married him within a month too

Big dick energy: Ariana Grande has unwittingly given birth to an internet meme after discussing her boyfriend Pete Davidson. Photograph: Robert Kamau/GC Images

BDE has always been with us, even if we haven’t the phrase to describe it: it’s charisma and confidence, coupled with the ability to almost instantly make other people feel good. In some ways, it’s the opposite of toxic masculinity.

“Big dick energy does not care for your pathetic gender binary and will not pander to it,” wrote Vice. “Chris Hemsworth wielding a ludicrously big hammer with arms the size of cows and yelling a lot? Feeble big dick energy. Cate Blanchett simply standing there smirking, but, like, only using her eyes somehow? Powerful, powerful big dick energy.”

The Cut described it as “a certain gait – sort of like you’ve got a massive dick swinging around – but also a twinkle in the eye, like if you look right at that twinkle you can see a dick swinging in the eye.” Justins Bieber and Theroux have got it, they thought; Idris Elba for sure; Timberlake, not so much.

You could play this game all day. Who has the big dick energy, and who doesn’t? Play it on your bosses. Play it on your city. New York, for instance, could break your cervix every time you fly into JFK. Sydney used to have it until the lockout laws.

BDE should be celebrated (it is rare that the internet arrives at something actually fun), but it’s also a little limiting. For years most women didn’t have to worry about our dick size, a small compensation for the other crap we put up with. But now we have another ideal to live up to.

It will be a great day when the female equivalent is a thing: let’s call it Powerful Vagina Energy. When women are celebrated for their feminine power, and when all those beta men out there get recognised for their awesome PVE.

Until then, we’ll have to go with what we were given (if we are lucky): BDE.