you'll be paralyzed with astonishment, hehe

Entries tagged with dev

I've been normal I guess, I'm being screened for bipolar lol. Maybe I just have every disorder that exists...

Well, it's really just like further specifying my troubles I guess?

Anyway, the website is coming along pretty well -- all the programming is 100% complete, including the blog and updates page, which means programming-wise it's launch-ready. Well, I'll probably test it a bit more but outside of a little bug testing it's launch-ready.

The only content I have left to edit is Laura's scenario so far, the Innocent Life diary, and the two entries in the TokiMemo3 diary. I also need to write introduction pages for all those things, and SCARLET GRACE as well. UNLIMITED:Saga and Romancing SaGa 3 already have theirs done.

The most difficult (as in, cumbersome, none of it is difficult, just ... consuming lol) thing will be finding all the images for Innocent Life since the links are almost all dead now, and they're buried in facebook somewhere. They're in albums that are separated by play session (which means probably also mostly separated by diary chapter) so at least it won't be like... trying to find them in a nonlinear fashion or something...

The second most annoying thing will be writing the SCARLET GRACE intro page, because I'm having the intro pages give the basic story background (like, what you would find in a manual or on the game's website or whatever. UN:Saga's I got from the manual and RomaSaGa3's is a translation of the intro story sequence thing in the game).

But I'm going to use the guidebook's little story section with the cool art to write this intro, which means translation fun!!! X_X Well, since I already played the game to completion once, hopefully I'll be familiar with all the vocabulary in it... but I'm sure I'll have forgotten tons of Chinese characters, which means looking them up in a kanji dictionary and I explained before how tedious and obnoxious that is in another post, and that's even using the most convenient electronic dictionary I can find lol.

In other news I've been really into a few games that are eating away way more time than they should.

First is Tree of Savior which is a free MMO I'm playing w/ X. It's probably the most fun and well-made f2p MMO I've ever seen? It's a really cool game and I really like it. I'm playing a healer and she's a destructive mage type and we go really well together. We just started doing instanced dungeons and they are a lot of fun. The story is a bit easy though, so it can be kind of tedious, especially if you want to do all the optional objectives like fill your monster diary thing by killing like 209580329850239580 of each kind of monster...

Another cool thing about it is that you're encouraged to have multiple characters and trade with yourself, and there are rewards in the game for doing things like collecting certain sets of items or completely uncovering maps of areas... but what's great is that these tasks are assigned to your entire team (account) and so you can do parts of them with each character or whatever if you want. And once you've finished one, all characters in your team can get the reward, even if you create a new character. And the rewards are EXP boosts and stuff, so once you've gotten very far in the game with one character, having completed lots of maps and collections, you can easily level up a brand new character and blaze through the early story stuff to get to the more interesting later-game stuff right away.

The game has a really cool class system where you choose one of 4 base classes and then every 15 class levels you 'rank up' and choose a new class in your base class's school. You get eight ranks up in all, and you get to keep all the abilities and bonuses you learn from each class, so which classes you pick will drastically change your character's build. And all the base classes have a lot of variety in the advanced classes (each one has 20 in all) so you can end up with a DPS cleric or a tank archer or something if you wanted to. There are also some hidden/secret classes but I don't know much about it...

The game encourages party play but works well for solo play if you want to play solo. This is not just in the large variety of skills and builds, but also in the way skills are designed. For example, the Cleric's healing spells work by placing magical symbols on the ground. If an ally steps on it, it heals them, and if an enemy steps on it, it hurts them. And you can power it up to place multiple seals at once... but it's cool because you can put the seal away from the enemy for your friends to walk on or place it right under the enemy to deal damage. And then you can augment it by going to a 'master' and spending ability points to give it additional abilities like increased damage, or to lose its damage altogether (so it only works as a support/healing spell).

The story seems pretty elaborate and cute, though nothing really super engaging. I still like reading all the text because the lore is neat enough, though.

The other games are SuperStar SMTOWN which is weird kpop game and IDK how I got into this but now I'm obsessively playing it...

And then Star Trek: Timelines which I just started which is a f2p phone game where you do little missions and collect crew members and level them up, your typical "buy stuff from the item shop or take forever" mobile game, but it's pretty cool for a free game and I'm really enjoying it so far.

There are two types of missions, ship battles and away team things. The ship battles are really stupid and boring and just 100% based on your setup and you just sit and watch it. You tap little buttons but there's like no real strategy to it out of like... the most basic strategy even a baby could do it...

The away missions are really fun, though. You have an mission you have to work toward and there's a little story, and there are lots of different paths to get that objective completed. For each 'step' in the mission, you can choose different ways of accomplishing it. For example if you need to get past some security people, maybe you will have options to drug their food, sneak in another way, or fight them head-on. That's kind of a cliché example but there's really a lot of different things. You choose one of your crew to do the task, and each crew member has levels in different fields like science, engineering, diplomacy, medicine, command... (actually that's all of them except "security" which is essentially just fighting LOL) as well as special traits like 'Pilot,' 'Jury Rigger,' 'Public Figure,' whatever. Certain objectives will match up with certain traits and the crew member will get a boost.

Basically there's just a target number you have to reach to clear the objective, and you compare that with your crew member's base stat + any bonuses they got from traits + a random number that they roll based on their roll range (which you can also increase). Whether you clear or fail the objectives in the mission you continue moving forward, but the mistakes you make earlier in the mission will cause trouble in the final outcome, making it harder to pass.

Each objective has flavor text for success and fail and maybe critical success... I haven't paid enough attention to notice (since usually I either always get critical success or never get it, and I don't remember what it said last time anyway if I replay a mission). But yeah, it describes what happens based on your actions and how you move forward toward the main goal of the mission.

There's also various stories where you'll see lots of characters from the series which is fun, and the overall story arcs span many missions and you can change how the story goes in those through your choices, even to the point of the conclusion being different, and whatever happens at the end of an arc shifts the balance of power in the universe forever (lol). Basically your choices let you pick who 'wins' in a conflict or whatever, so you're usually choosing to support different factions or whatever. I ended up supporting the Klingons and Cardassians in the first two stories because they're hot LOLLL and because you get to recruit a member from that faction at the end, and the first story you got Worf, and the second one you got Dukat so I kinda had to pick those XD

You also influence your diplomacy level with the various factions as you do this and they can like or dislike you, which means when you try to buy items from them you might be locked out of some if they don't like you enough. You can also do shuttle missions which are just idle/waiting missions where you send someone to help out a faction and they're gone for like... 3 hour or something and then they come back and you get rewards XD

There's also various events in the game, like this PvP-ish shuttle combat thing which is stupid, some PvP crew member fighting thing that's going on right now (but I think it's ending today?), and these daily missions where you can only use low-ranking characters on the challenges...

Like most of these games, you mainly recruit crew members through a random pull, and what's annoying about this game is that the random pull will give items or characters so you can just end up getting tons of items... You also recruit crew members through the story and stuff, too. And you certainly won't find yourself lacking in crew members; I have already dismissed many because I had a bunch I didn't even want.

You can get like every character ever except for Dr Pulaski (I FEEL LIKE THIS IS LIKE HOW THERE'S NO TIBERIUS IN IMPERIAL SAGA) and many characters have multiple variations you can get... like there are like 10 different Picards or something. It's not just the main crew, like... pretty much any major subcharacter is recruitable. A good example, there are three variations of Lt Barclay. THREE. That's a lot!!! (But no Pulaski LOL and only 3 Archers...) and pretty much if there's a character that was in more than one episode or was just in one but it was a popular/memorable episode you can probably get them.

The event starting tomorrow you can get Robin Hood Picard and Nottingham Q :) Which means mustache Picard :)))))

It's really fun and you can also have friends and fleets (guilds) in the game, and there's even in-game chat. I ignore the global chat but you have a fleet chat, and maybe friend chat too (I have no friends so idk). I joined an LGBT fleet and people actually talk in it and it's scary. I want to make my own but I have no one to join :,) I'm trying to force my brother to play it XDDD Even though he doesn't like Trek (well, he pretends like he doesn't... he's only ever seen Enterprise and he liked it and watched the whole first season with me sooo uh LOL)

But yeah within your fleet you can also have squadrons, which are teams of five players, and certain events are squadron events where you work together... I don't know what it will be like because I've only been playing for like a day, but a squadron event (the mustache Picard event LOL) starts tomorrow... I joined a squadron in my fleet but I feel bad because they're all like Lv50+ and I'm like... level 12 LOLLL. Plus I'd rather play with friends and I kinda hate playing with strangers... but I want to see what the game has to offer. The event structure seems like it might be similar to Shpherd's Crossing Online which is great because that game had great events. And there's lots of Picard stuff to get from this event :D

Most of my pulls have been kinda boring. In the beginning my most powerful characters were like... Wesley Crusher and Alexander (Worf's kid LOL). But I've really powered up some others now and my best characters include Sisko (command, security), Archer (command, security), Spock (science), Data (engineering), Hoshi Sato (diplomacy), Dr Crusher (medicine), and Seven of Nine (science and engineering).

There are three old mustache Scottys available in the game so I really want those 8))))

I also recently got T'Pol and Trip so I have more than enough to make an entire away team of Enterprise crew :D With Archer commanding *___* Though they're like both really weak but I feel like eventually T'Pol could be better than Seven.

The art in the game is pretty cool, it's like comic bookish style illustrations.

Also at the beginning you get to choose one captain to be like your starter Pokémon... but uh... you can only choose Kirk, Picard, or Sisko!! I chose Sisko bc the art of him was very handsome XD I love his little voice clips, too.

Some characters have voice clips and it's like... weird who they chose to give voice clips to... Wesley has voice clips but Dr Crusher and Riker don't...???

Anyway talking too much. I actually came on here to get the Innocent Life diaries XD

Thanks to everyone who expressed condolences/sympathies/etc about the thing with my grandfather. My mental health kinda plummeted recently with the stress of that and some other things so I didn't really respond to anyone, but I did read everything here and even on Miitomo and stuff. So thanks a lot for your thoughts.

He seems to be doing okay, as in hanging on for now, but... there's still a lot of worry and tension surrounding it. And then my mom told me yesterday that my grandmother isn't doing well and we should take a trip out to see her very soon...

I'm trying to not focus on it too much.

At therapy on Tuesday (I had to go on Tuesday instead of Thursday alskdjfklasdjf) I didn't even have to bring up social security and disability because my therapist suggested it himself lol. I guess that's a bit more validating but... at the same time it's kind of frustrating lol. Not that he brought it up but that I'm like ... so obviously a mental case XD

I started working on the website again. I've been kind of ignoring it (and everything) recently, but I'm making a lot of progress. If I keep going at this pace I could launch very soon, as in within a week. But I'll probably slow the pace down over the weekend and focus more (or entirely) on drawing coloring pages then.

I ordered a set of dumbbells (omfg it's spelled with two b's?!) online recently with my Bing points. The shipping would have been a ton (like $20 or something) but I could get free shipping with $10 more of items, and I'd be able to cover the entire purchase with Bing points so I wouldn't have to spend any money, so I went and found a new coloring book for Dens and I got a Forster novel that I don't have yay. It's his sci-fi dystopian thing that I forget even existed until now.

Um I just remembered Happy Bookers. Oops. I totally forgot about the dog book O_o uhhhhh

Yeah idk.

Anyway, I'm doing this thing now where I like... have a chart to track my ability to focus and complete daily tasks as well as put stuff like exercise and sleep and medications in there... to see if my mood cycles (rather than like, triggers, I guess?)

And in therapy we might start focusing on like... learning life/work skills lmaoooo. Maybe next we will do times tables and read a picture book.

The main things I need to do for the site now are just to write the index/intro pages for each play diary, make a 'new' play diary page (like, a page that shows recent updates and stuff), and uh... maybe make an overall home page, I guess. But I'm thinking of making the new and home page the same thing, since... what else would even go on the home page anyway? There's a nav menu at the top of the pages now where you can select all the diaries and see which ones I have planned (I pretty much just typed in every title in the Elite Four series, though with Harvey I only put things from DS Cute and back, and left out some alternate versions).

Anyway, I should stop blathering and do some exercise and get back to work.

So, I was waiting til I finished the tutorial part of the website to launch it, but I'm starting to think maybe I should start with just a Play Diary website? It sounds horrible but I don't know if I could manage updating both play diaries and tutorials regularly, and I'm already losing a lot of motivation because the idea is overwhelming.

Plus the tutorial site would still start with just like... one little thing which is like... not really substantial anyway? Like, I've only written the first project's lessons, which is pretty basic. The idea was to launch with that and continue adding a new lesson weekly but like...

I know it is ridiculous but writing a lesson and writing a play diary in one week seems like a lot of work even though it's like extremely minimal work?? It's not that the actual WORK is a lot of work, it's that I already realize that I have to find times when I'm not having problems with anxiety or depression or sensory shit and I have to be alone and etc etc plus switching focus is almost impossible for me so if I feel like doing play diary but need to work on tutorial or the other way around I will like... just get overwhelmed and do nothing lol.

Like, I know it sounds stupid and it's like "ok but sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to do" or whatever but believe me it's NOT THAT LOL. I'm not just being finicky or lazy like my brain literally will fight with me and make me increasingly ill if I try to force myself to switch focus or force focus on something it's not already focusing on. And I seem to have little control over when these focus shifts happen, though trying to force new ones usually makes them ALL collapse and then I just focus on like... being depressed for a while???

But yeah IDK I think I might just finish up the play diary site as it is and launch it, and then start adding new content to it. Maybe I can even continue doing several diaries and wait and do the tutorial thing later...?

I found this like 'coffee' crowdfunding site (I forget the name but it's like a weird spelling of coffee lol) where you basically just accept $3 donations called "coffees" and you can like set goals and stuff on it? It seems better than a donate button and less intimidating than a Patreon to a potential donor, so I might try that out once I get the site up.

I keep thinking about it so I think I'll probably end up doing it, but I still want to do the "every NES game ever" play diary lol. Maybe once I get the site up and running and finally edit the Innocent Life diary and get caught up editing unsaga (since there's a lot more now), I'll start it???

But uh IDK.

The main reason I didn't want to launch the website w/o the tutorial thing is because hosting costs money, and it was going to be like... two separate subsites hosted on the same server, and I figured it would be better to like... already have both in existence when I pay for hosting since it will be a substantial amount of money for me (and probably cut like... a couple months off of my "this is where you run out of food" time limit) and I was hoping to do a little minor monetization with the sites, but uh...

I'm really terrible at promoting myself already, and I don't really have anywhere to promote the tutorial site?? I mean, I have accounts at a few game dev forums and stuff like that but like... I'm not going to just go make a topic like HEY GUYS GO TO MY SITE AND PAY FOR IT ALSO SORRY FOR NOT PARTICIPATING HERE FOR YEARS LOL

But I'm more likely to "promote" my play diary site because I'm active on game forums and stuff and constantly talk about it anyway? So I can just mention it and I won't feel like I'm like... imposing. IDK LOLLLLL;;;;

But I also was thinking, that if I can get the PD site up and running well enough, and finish Dens's coloring book thing, I could get back to working on Rogue Nightmare, and I feel like having a bigger game like that published will give me more credibility and attention for a game dev tutorial site anyway??????

And then I can use the web hosting to host a devblog for the game and stuff.

IDK like honestly this seems like a WAY BETTER PLAN since like the chance of me successfully monetizing either of these things is like pretty low and like that's not really the reason I'm doing it (monetization is more just like... a life necessity LOL because I'll need to make up for the cost of hosting somehow) but I just hate changing plans even if the new plan is easier and better??? Like it just feels 'wrong' and like... makes me feel like I shouldn't do anything at all.

Why... is my brain like this...????

Anyway, opinions/reassurance/something? Is putting off the site for probably a very long time just for the sake of having a small part of the tutorial launch alongside it worth it? You have to keep in mind that I may not be able to continue to afford hosting, so there's a chance if I don't launch the tutorial site, I may never get to launch it.

But I guess if I keep holding off, I just will end up spending all money on food and have $0 total so... nothing will launch XD I mean that's like quite a way away -- I have enough money to eat until 2018 at least. How far into 2018 I can go, though, I'm not sure yet. But there's a lot of time before then so anything can happen. Maybe I'll become functional enough to do Real People work or something soon?

The programming for all of the play diary sites is done. Well, not Innocent Life but I'm not going to add that til later I think. Because that's a ton more editing and going back and finding images I deleted and stuff...

So I'mma work on editing the rest of the entries (partly done with Scarlet Grace and need to do all of RSG3) and programming the grammin tut site. Then I'll be ready for launch. IDK if I'll launch right away or try to finish up some more of the play diaries and iron out the programming site or what.

I also plan to eventually have many subsites, like an art portfolio site, and I was to make some game fansites (well, maybe not multiple, but I at least want to create a serebii-like site for unsaga, then might expand it to the whole series?)

So I'm feeling pretty good lol.

I have therapy tomorrow and am actually looking forward to going. I think I might (MIGHT) be able to deal with the waiting room better this time. But I have a lot to talk about and like... usually a big thing that makes me nervous is I feel like I won't have anything to say and won't know what to say and stuff >_>;

But I have many things this time XD From things I looked up about that we talked about last time, and what's happened in the last 3 weeks, and stuff I realized about myself, etc.

I think I already posted about my SUDDENLY SUICIDAL day a week ago, and then I thought I was falling into depression again, but I feel like I'm not anymore lolol. I think maybe I had a very short depressive episode or something, or I'm just like... a lot better at dealing/recovering from one because of meds and stuff.

BUT a thing happened today, too. After getting an autism diagnosis, I've been more analytical about my behaviors and actions. I didn't really want to think too much about it before since I wasn't really sure if I was autistic or not, but after having a doctor say so I feel more comfortable like... really analyzing myself with that perspective I guess.

Anyway, I've notice that I'm more attached to routines than I thought previously. I used to think I didn't really have any attachment to routine (which was also something that made me wonder if I might not have autism) but rather it's that I am very adverse to changing or forcing routines. Because the word "routine" makes me think of forced routines, my immediate reaction to the word "routine" is I HATE THEM lmao lmao. But I noticed that I have to do a lot of things the same every time, and things that are really not problematic at all are stressful simply if they happen out of order or at weird times or whatever, and trying to force new routines or whatever is DOOOMMMM so...

But yeah anyone who knows me (especially who knew me in college where I had a lot more control over what I ate and stuff) knows that I even do stuff like eating the same food for every meal every day for years and stuff soooo lmao. And maybe even this is a reason I don't like going places because I'm used to being at home and only going places at a certain time.

ANYWAY that was way too much introduction to the THING. One thing I'm particularly comfortable about is going to the laundromat every Wednesday morning, and then walking to the grocery while the clothes are washing because they're in the same strip mall thing.

BUT TODAY I LEARNED THE GROCERY IS CLOSING. And there was like... nothing in it. Like, just a bunch of candy (and tons and tons of Peeps). And everything was like 90% off. But there was nothing there anyway.

So uh this was stressful one because DIFFERENT and two because WHERE DO I GET FOOD NOW? It's the only grocery within walking distance, and the market is closed during the time I'm at the laundromat... I can go with my dad to the grocery if he goes on a weekday but it's really stressful not knowing what day it's going to be and sometimes he even goes on a day or at a time when I can't go soooo uh LOL JUST NO FOOD I GUESS. I guess I can start going to the market some time on like Tuesday afternoon or something idk...

ANYWAY so it was actually kinda fun in the empty grocery except the music was loud and the people cleaning up made some loud noises and I got scared lmao. But I did get some cherry jujus for only 15 cents!! And I had 54 cents so I was able to get three lol. I gave one box to my brother and going to give one to Dennis too.

So, I was needing to get groceries today but I couldn't, so I asked my brother if he would go to the market with me and he said no. So I went by myself. And like a fire truck came by and the noise about killed me, and then I got to the market and realized it was closed, even though I know it opens at 9, but I'm just... not used to being out walking around before 9.

So being in empty parking lot with like siren noises and SUDDENLY realizing my Wednesday grocery time will never come back and that I don't have any food kind of hit me all at once (uh plus I was not planning on walking this far and didn't wear a coat and was very cold) and I had a meltdown like... in this parking lot lmao. Well, I was able to get to the building and like... cry against the wall lol. It only lasted like... idk, 5 minutes, and then I walked back to laundro and no one could tell I had been crying because I was also just frozen so it looked like I was just super cold which I was.

Then I tried to drink coffee but I didn't want to touch the Styrofoam so I was like carrying with a napkin and drinking from a stir stick but I was trying not to look at the Styrofoam and I dropped it lololololol. But I was next to trash and I could feel it slipping so I like... leaned toward trash bin and dropped it in there. Then I didn't want to try to get another one. I actually drank a whole cup and that was my second one so yay?

Anyway, after dropping coffee and crying in a parking lot, I came home and somehow felt a lot better. Usually stuff like this would like... make me dead for a whole day but I still was able to exercise and play Imperial SaGa and work on the website a bit. I have less spoons than normal but like way more spoons than like... any other day that starts like that lmao. Also I still had a bit of food so I can still eat today and my dad said we could go to grocery tomorrow. But I was thinking of trying to start going to the grocery on like... Mondays? Like, replace my exercise that day with walking to the grocery lol and like... try to start buying more produce. Buying it on Thursday and not eating it til like Tuesday sounds like a bad idea. But the grocery is gone now so it doesn't matter so I'm going to just keep eating bologna every day lol. I have all this motivation to do actually make changes in my life but not the material wealth required to make those changes. And who knows how long this motivation will last and if it goes away when it will ever come back so LOL

But I'm feeling good for this moment so that's good LOL. And maybe by a stroke of luck someone will buy me tokimemo 3 limited edition XDDD *nudges everyone reading* and by that I mean I'm nudging no one lmaoooo

Oh yeah, in Imperial SaGa, I trained Old!Will and Tetis and they turned out pretty awesome. I also retrained Bear alongside, and he turned out good, too. I could have enjoyed a bit more Attack from Tetis but I'm still not unhappy. I've also crafted a lot of stuff, so I have enough Wisdom Pendants to outfit all my mages, and three Unparalleled Rings! I'd like to have like... at least five or six of those though. But even just having 3 is really nice.

I'm hoping Tetis will glimmer Grand Slam soon. I keep spamming the 9-star event quest (and GS is even a rank 9 art!) but it's a no-go. I sacrificed the promo Hawke I had (which had a Kobayashi art I'd never seen before?!) to give her a powered-up Shell Smash, which is pretty nice. I also cashed in all my meisei and had enough to get like 600 characters from it LOLOL but I dumped them all in the castle for medals and bought another mage robe thing and ... power suit... I don't remember the names of the armors really. WAIT, no, I bought the Vernie Suit thing, which I had none of. But it's the only armor that offers magic defense, so I think I'd like to have it for Bear.

Sadly this event is giving not very many of the ore things I need to upgrade all these armors -_-; And you can only get these ores from events and like... once this event is over the next like... several events will probably have the other kind of ores (there are 4 kinds of event ores), so like... I'll probably have to wait like 2 months before I can even collect these again :\ I do have most of my Powered Suits to +2, and I would really like to get the Witch Robe to +5 (it's at +4). And power up the Vernie Armor a couple times? But uhhhh don't have that much ore. I'd have to spam this event quest like nonstop to get enough...

Though I might spam it a lot because I really want to get the prize for 20,000 event points (or maybe it's 200,000 idk) but I'm over 3/4 of the way there, and the prize is a gold medal.

But yeah lol imsaga. I'm thirsty but all I have is water and I want like a soda or tea or something so bad XD I mean I have coffee and tea but I want a cold thing and I don't want to like make hot thing and ice it and alskdjfklasdjf just someone deliver me a Dr Pepper please. And TokiMemo3 Limited Edition. And like, a pizza or something. Er, no, I want like... curry XD

So, I got an email from ebay saying that I had a $10 coupon which was cool, but it seems you have to spend a certain amount to use it so that is lame. While there, I decided to see if anything interesting had popped up since the last time I searched and found The limited edition box set of Tokimeki Memorial 3 for only $24 D: But uh, the shipping is $26 so it's like... $50. I'm so sad tho because I defo can't afford that D: And it's one of my fav games of all time... and it even comes with little figures of all the girls D: Well, the six 'main' ones. It's the first and only time I've ever seen it for sale :\ though I saw another one on there for even more lol. it had the obi around the box so that's cool but I can easily go without that lmao.

I also saw the limited edition tokimemo 2 which comes with a PocketStation which is neat XD I wonder if you can use in on the US version of FF8 and play the chocobo game XD

You can use it with Rockman COMPLETE WORKS, but you have to play with someone else who has a PocketStation and the game, too... As it's a little multiplayer-only thing :\

But yeah it sucks not having money to spend on luxuries .__. generally I don't think much of it because I can get along pretty well with what I have, but when I see things I want it feels bad XD I should just not go to ebay ever XD

Anyway, I caught up with all the unsaga play diaries for my site, now I need to actually put together the sagasca and romasaga3 subsites, but it will be mostly c/p of the unsaga site with some minor changes, and then do all those entries... Shouldn't take too long to do them. Then I'll start on the tutorial which may take a while, but...

Sooo I've been working on website and I have a really fast way of doing it now, and all I really have to do is essentially edit the rest of the entries -- all the images and everything are already ready to go, cropped, resized, converted to jpg... it's pretty much just c/p the diary entries and add tags while looking over it. I'm already into Armic's scenario so I'm almost done with unsaga (by 'done' I mean caught up) and then it will just be romasaga3 and sagasca which shouldn't be terribly long.

I think I started giving myself deadlines and stuff like 'I need to finish all this by the weekend' or whatever and the pressure made me kinda fall into depression again. It does not help that Thursday I decided for who knows what reason to look for a job, which is a super overwhelming and stressful thing to me, and by the end of the day I was poking at myself with a box knife saying if I just practice making little cuts I can work up slashing my whole wrist!!! But uh no it's way too scary I can't even like poke myself without freaking out lol.

The weekend was fine and I even did a Scary Thing and was ok (I went to craft store with Dens and it was crowded lol) and then today I have like absolutely no motivation at all and I think it's because I'm putting too much pressure on myself or sth, plus after Thursday I was putting pressure on myself not to be depressed again which... I guess was counterproductive lol. Thanks to Nans for pointing it out though lol. I was def weird on Friday because Dens kept asking me if I was okay, like "ARE YOU SURE YOURE OK" and stuff like... so many times lol. But I think I was just being like, super quiet and having trouble concentrating.

Anyway, after talking it over with Nans I feel a bit more optimistic and I'm going to not pressure myself and just go at my own pace with the website like I was, and talk to my therapist about jobs this week. When I went to my psychologist on Monday last week, he has to like... go over this list of stressors or something, so every time he asks me like... if there have been changes in my living situation, if I'm still happy with Dens, etc. and it ends with "Are you still unemployed?" and "Are you looking for a job?" And it makes me feel so worthless and embarrassed X_X I realize the reason he is asking is because those things are big stressors to people and like he has to monitor that but like... idk I just hate having it like... rubbed in my face? lol. Even though that's not what he's trying to do. I did get a grape lolli though.

I think sicne I've done nothing at all today and it's already 19:00 (and I got up around 9, so like... 10 hours of doing nothing at all) I might just play unsaga, because it's fun and it will kinad feel like progress since it goes toward content for the website. I think if I can resume the pace I was at before, I can actually catch up with all the play diaries by the end of the week, and maybe even start working on the programming tut.

Once I get the first lesson of the programming tut done, I think I'm going to actually pay for hosting and get the website online, and then try to add new content every week. I can easily do the editing and stuff when I'm around Dens, as well as playing games, so I'll probably do a lot of the initial writing while I'm at the apartment during the week, and publish new stuff over the weekend. I'll probably continue to post everything here first, but it will be like a 'rough draft,' and then the edited version will get posted to the website.

I might wait a bit to actually get the website up because -- well, not WAIT but rather it might take a bit longer because I think I'm going to program a thing that finds the most recent entries and everything for a front page, and maybe even program a blog. That probably sounds time-consuming but it actually would be pretty easy. I might create a like submission widget for myself so I can easily add new content without having to go and edit tables with SQL manually every time, but ... it really wouldn't be THAT convenient and I kinda like editing tables anyway. So I might just implement something like that if I really feel like I need it in the future.

Anyway, I've also been thinking about what I'm going to do next in unsaga and in the play diaries in general. I think once I get the website up, I'll finish up Armic and Mikhail scenarios, and then I'll start playing one tokimemo and one SaGa at a time. Three SaGas at a time was a bit... much hahaha. And I'll probably continue on with unsaga unless I get a huge hankering to play something else. Which recently I've really been wanting to play minsaga because I want to see Baldyhad again. And I've also really been wanting to get back into Scarlet Grace because it was really fun the first time and I'm excited to play another game.

But I also super love unsaga and am excited about playing through all seven scenarios and having a finished diary XD

In my next Scarlet Grace game, I'm going to be playing Urpina (that's what the comet gave me XD) and I'm going to try to focus on raising a team of 10 characters -- five guys and five gals. This way I can get the 'use a team of all men/women' bonuses more easily, plus I like having some substitute characters anyway. I think I have a better idea of how to really power up the party this time around so I won't fall behind like I did with Leo's party.

For unsaga, I think I'm going to do a 'no shopping' run with Laura. I considered trying to do the 'true' Weapon Collector's Challenge (no shopping, no repair, no martial panels) but I'm worried it will end up being too hard and turn into a chore to play. So I might just like, do that on my own, but not part of the play diaries.

And then with Judy I think I'm going to do a 'no weapons' run, where you just... can't equip anything in the two weapon slots. Basically the focus will be more on martial arts and magic arts.

I'm actually considering like... maybe some time in the future adding more challenge runs to the play diaries, like... even after clearing all 7 characters, like... just add some more 'bonus' diaries, like if I want to do additional challenge runs. I can't imagine ever getting to a point where I just... don't want to play unsaga anymore?

I was also thinking of what I could do play diaries of besides SaGa and TokiMemo. The other three series in my main five are Harvest Moon, Mega Man, and Ys.

Harvest Moon... I think I could figure out a way to do a play diary of that, I think. I think more just making a diary of entire play sessions, rather than trying to like... make a day-by-day diary would be better. I might actually make the day-by-day diary just like... little notes of what I did each day, but as like... extra content?? I was even thinking of like... hand-writing it with little doodles to make it cute.

Mega Man is lol. It's not really... that kind of game. But before ever starting the play diary thing, I was planning on trying to do (segmented) no-damage runs of all the Mega Man games. So I could make a play diary about that specifically? That seems kinda fun. Because just clearing one stage takes a long time for that. And I could fill the entries with all kinds of Mega Man infodumping and roboperving XD

Ys... IDK. I guess when I think about it, they wouldn't make for bad play diaries, but at the same time, the game is 90% about the action. It's like Mega Man with more story lmao. So IDK what I'd do with those. Of my top 5 Ys is like... probably my least favorite hahaha. I mean it's still top 5 though.

I also kind of want to start doing more videos again... I'm considering when I do the Harvest Moon play diaries to like... also make videos of them as I do them? It will also help me like... remember what I did in the game to make the diaries lolol. Oh, that would be like... super cute if I like... recorded each day as its own thing and then like... recorded myself drawing the little diary part XD Actually that's a super cute idea... I hope I can remember it.

I was also considering doing play diaries of like... games similar to the top 5 in some way, like Bionic Commando which is a lot like Mega Man, and The Last Remnant which is a lot like SaGa, stuff like that. Shepherd's Crossing. And just anything I really feel like I'd like to make a play diary about. But I want to focus on the top 5, and especially SaGa and Tokimemo XD

And then I also thought of doing a like play diary series where I like... do something like... play every single NES game ever LOL. And like write about my experience with each. And I'd try to play them all to completion XD That would be fun.

Anyway, these are just like... ideas lmao. For now I'm just going to work on getting the site up, finishing unsaga, starting tokimemo, and getting back to the programming tuts.

Well, writing this made me feel a bit more motivated. I'mma go play a bit of Armic's scenario now though. Prol won't be enough to write an entry because I'm just going to be doing random already-written-about subadventures.

Oh I just remembered I need to like... do the Innocent Life diary too. LOLOL. Well, I might not include that in the launch of the website hahaha.

SOOOO If you're wondering why I haven't been uploading play diaries (haha jk no one is wondering that) it's because I forgot my controller over the weekend (I think I mentioned that?) and indeed started working on my website, which now I've become absorbed in that. A lot of the "work" so far has been learning and understanding as I've never really built a website before and I had no idea how DBMS worked or how to use PHP or CSS or anything and the extent of my HTML knowledge came from like... using lj.

So I'm moving along kinda slowly but I'm getting the hang of it. Learning exactly how databases worked and how to connect to a database server with PHP was like... the biggest hurdle I had to overcome, because I literally knew NOTHING about this subject and didn't even really know what I was supposed to be looking for.

But once I figured that part out, it's been moving pretty slowly.

I'm going to keep working on this and then migrate the play diaries over there, once I've finished it and found a way to host it. I'll also be able to host the images so there will be no more broken images, and everything will look and be organized so much nicer.

But then since I'll have the website up and working (and honestly doing the play diaries first is a good way to learn my way around all this tech before trying to make my tutorial site) I'll of course want to start working on the tutorials lol so I'll probably end up slowing down play diaries to work on tuts.

I think what I'll do is go to doing only one play diary at a time. I'll probably alternate between doing SaGa and TokiMemo plays. So I'll finish up unsaga very soon (I have enough caps and progress for another entry... I actually could probably go to the end right now, but something cool happened and it makes me want to power up the party even more XD)...

Then I'll only have RSG3 to work on, and I'll start alternating after that (so, tokimemo after rsg3, then probably another scarlet grace run or maybe unsaga again, cuz I kinda wanna finish all the scenarios XD). I actually have enough content for another RSG3 entry, too, lol.

Though I'm not going to work on this now, I kinda want to create an unsaga fansite, or maybe like an entire SaGa series fansite. Something like Serebii but for SaGa XD I appreciate the SaGa wiki but I want to be able to do more with it and not have it be on wikia and etc. But yeah XD

For now, working on website. Once I get the 'base' down, it will just be a matter of migrating all the entries. That's going to take a long time because I will 1. have to reformat each entry individually and 2. have to find all the images that broke so I can reinsert them. Though while I'm "reformatting" (which will be pretty easy) I'm going to also try to maybe fix some typos and grammar errors and stuff as I go... so that will take a while. I may even touch them up a little (like... fix paragraphing issues and stuff idk XD) just because it will bug me not to do it as I reread them looking for typos and stuff XD

So it will probably easily be a couple weeks before I get back to doing play diaries...? I don't want to create MORE reformatting work for myself by creating more entries right now XD Though I do kinda miss playing the games XDD So IDK exactly what I will do. I mean, I guess I can keep playing and just not make new posts LOL. But I don't want to like... have tons of screenshots and not remember what happened?

Anyway, that's what's happening with me lol. I also started trying to exercise... today was day 2. I have some other 'life improvements' as recommended by my therapist but uhhh they are hard LOL (it's like, facing your fears kind of things lol)

But exercising puts me in a better mood which makes me more likely to be able to do those things, so it's good. And even though it's minor stuff that most people wouldn't view as any kind of accomplishment whatsoever, I actually have been trying to confront things that make me anxious and force myself to do things even though I feel afraid to do them, like uh... leaving other people are in the apartment (as in, like, chancing interactions with people LOL)

Also I've told a couple people about my autism diagnosis and most people like get weird about it like they aren't sure how they're supposed to react?? Like... I think that people don't know like... if they're supposed to feel bad or something because I think people don't really understand what autism is lol.

But uh personally I am happy to have the diagnosis because knowing I am autistic is a lot more helpful than wondering if I am -- basically all being autistic means is just that I experience the world differently from non-autistic people, and knowing this means I can better tailor my self-care and how I relate to others because I can better understand what kinds of special needs and circumstances I have.

Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with autistic people in general, no matter how it manifests, and I don't think it's really something that should hold people back or whatever -- though I think we live in a society that only values neurotypical people, so most problems autistic people face are problems caused by a lack of understanding or compassion from others, stigmatization, and trying to use goods, services, etc. that are created specifically for allistic people rather than the actual neurological differences themselves. Like when a left-handed person is injured from using a tool only designed for right-handed people, it is not because the person is ~afflicted~ with a ~left-handed disorder~ that makes them like... some broken subhuman that is less than a right-handed person... it just means that the design of the tool is flawed because it doesn't take into the account that not all people are the same.

Of course, there are some harmful things that autistic people can do to themselves or others, but not any more or less than harmful things allistic people may do to themselves or others, so... honestly autistic people are just different, and that's really it. It's just... a different kind of person to be. Just like speaking a different language and coming from different culutres or something, it just changes the way you communicate and experience the world, but it doesn't make you any less of a person or anything? And it's not really something to be pitied or whatever, it's just... being different.

But yeah I felt like this long before even realizing I might be autistic so I'm not just like... saying it because I got a diagnosis or something lol. And because I felt this way I was kind of shocked that other people seemed uncomfortable or pitying when I said I was diagnosed, though I guess I honestly should not be surprised because of the aforementioned stigma...

Um, in other news, this guy who I already forgot his name has been cast as the new Trek captain. I appreciate that it's an older man with a rectangle head but I'm sad that he's very ... British-looking and bald-faced. Though he is still quite handsome and I like his thin lips lmao.