Hello everyone,I would like to introduce myself and give a little background to what bring me here. First I am happy there is a forum like this for us. I stumbled on this while looking for a therapist.I am 43yrs old and was victemized by a babysitter when I was 5yrs - 6yrs old. I have had repressed dreams of the abuse every since the abuse happened. Until the past few months I have not come out about the abuse to anyone. A few months ago I woke up in a cold sweat and a massive anxiety attack. I thought I was having a heart attack and all I could remember was the nightmare. This panic attack lasted for 2 weeks. I talked with my wife and my Dr. and finially my therapist. I was put on some meds to bring me down and get the anxiet under control. Like many others I have made some very distructive choices in my life that shouls have ended my marriage and I have found that at least a large part of them can be directly attributed to the abuse and my stunted cognative ability to cope and gave me a need to rebel against accountability and to self distruct my relationships. I have been very fortunate to have the understanding and support of my Wife in facing this part of my life. I am very early in my treatment and I know I have some serious demons to face. I look forward to being a part of this community and walking thru this part of my life with you all.

Thank you for giving me a place to emotionally vomit safely and without judgement.

Sincerely,

_________________________
Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again Rejoice!!!

Like many others I have made some very distructive choices in my life that should have ended my marriage ..... attributed to the abuse ...... to self distruct my relationships. I have been very fortunate to have the understanding and support of my Wife in facing this part of my life.

Hey Flubber,

You are far ahead of where I was when I arrived here. I knew nothing but the fact that I couldn't hold it in anymore, and that it hurt like hell. You will find the men here to be supportive and nonjudgemental about what happened to you, as well as about whatever "destructive choices" you've made. Most of us have made destructive choices in our lives, have had to face our demons, and by the grace of God, lived to tell about it. Whatever happens, know that you are not alone, and there are about 11,000 guys here who have your back.

Jude

_________________________
I will remember youWill you remember me?Don't let your life pass you byWeep not for the memoriesSarah McLachlan

Jude, Thank you for your support and encourgement. I would not say I am ahead of anyone concerning my own experience and how to deal with it and the residual consequences. I have had some unfortunate experience with this thru my wife and daughter. (Both were abused by the same family member as children) And with the work I did with my daughters recovery I can see now how my own abuse has affected me. I did not really think at the time I was dealing with my daughters abuse that I would be dealing with my own CSA issues. I have had a nightmare since I was 6yrs. old and I just put it off as a sadistic nightmare. I had not had this nightmare for a few years until last month. After several months of therapy with my counselor I started having the nightmare again and it became a serious anxiety attack. After talking with my therapist on several occasions it was confirmed that the nightmare was infact a memory from my early childhood. Now I am trying to figure out how a 43yr. old husband and father of two deals with this in a way that it does not effect my family any more than it already has and how I can put it into it's proper place while dealing with the anger, frustration and embarrassment I feel on a daily basis.

_________________________
Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again Rejoice!!!

Bodyguard,Thank you for your welcoming support. I too look forward to getting to know you and working through my issues with the support of fellow CSA survivors. I have alot of underlying feelings to deal with. Feelings and memories I have burried deep inside for many many years. I know it is going to be ugly and painful but I also know it has to be done to start living the life God has waiting on the other side of this.

Thanks for the "Back Up"Flubber

_________________________
Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again Rejoice!!!

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.