(NC runs out of the room. Tamara looks confused at NC's departure, then starts feeling her own body. Cut to Brian Heinz (LAG himself) sitting in a dark room. NC turns something on, and it's the signal that has LAG's face in the night sky. The room lights up as LAG notices the signal and stands up. His face is now identical to the one in the signal. After that...he simply walks out of the closet. NC stops in front of him and looks back and forth, confused)

NC: You were in my storage closet the whole time?

LAG: Don't judge me. (walks off)

NC:(after a pause) I very much am.

(LAG and NC enter the living room. Tamara is now turned on to Malcolm, who's still laughing crazily)

LAG: All right, Mocker! It's time...

(He notices he also fell for the nipple trick and takes the fake nipples off as NC rolls his eyes)

LAG: It's time to put an end to your insanity.

Mocker: Now, don't be that way. Why don't I order us some lattes so we can sit down and discuss artistic styles and interpretations?

LAG: He is very nice.

Tamara:(overlapping) God, he's so nice! He is a saint!

NC:(overlapping) Isn't he? He is just the nicest guy! I just wanna eat him up-

LAG:(interrupts) But it won't work! We did an entire RiffTrax on how your style ruined Batman Forever.

Mocker: You did?

LAG: Yes, and it's still available.

NC: For anyone to purchase!

(Suddenly, a commercial synth music starts playing as the poster for the 2009 RiffTrax commentary for the movie pops up with the caption "Available at RiffTrax.com". NC, LAG, Tamara and Malcolm smile to the camera)

LAG: Cameos by Mike Nelson...

Tamara: Kevin Murphy...

Malcolm: And Bill Corbett.

NC: Good times are just a Bat-click away.

(They stare for some seconds, until...)

Mocker: Ha! But that was recorded years ago. You couldn't possibly find any faults in Batman Forever now.

(Everyone is abashed)

Tamara: Why?...

LAG: No, I can.

Mocker: I don't know. I just...needed a segue into the review.

Malcolm: Yeah, there's, like, a million jokes about this movie.

NC: Yeah, we should probably just get to it.

LAG:Batman Forever.

(Tamara again runs her hands on NC's chest, and he slaps her away. The poster for Batman (1989) is shown, followed by the poster and shots from its sequel, Batman Returns)

NC (vo): After the 1989 smash hit Batman, producers were excited to see if the follow-up, Batman Returns, would deliver as big a financial punch.

LAG (vo): The film didn't quite deliver what the studio wanted, with many parents complaining it was too dark for children. This resulted in child-friendly merchandise being pulled, most notably McDonald's Happy Meal toys.

NC (vo): Not wanting to go through that again, the studio pushed director Tim Burton into a producing role and handed control over to Joel Schumacher.

(The poster for Batman Forever is shown, followed by several screenshots)

LAG (vo): He agreed to make the third installment Batman Forever more lighthearted and marketable, and it seemed to pay off as it made more money than the previous installment.

NC (vo): Schumacher is best known for his following epic, Ice Puns and Ass, (The poster for Batman and Robin is shown briefly, but with the title NC just said) but a lot of people ignore what a cluster of goofiness Batman Forever is, seemingly giving it a pass.

LAG (vo): We're here to see if that pass is warranted, or if it deserves to be tossed in the Snyder pile. (The screenshot from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is shown)

(NC and LAG are shown to be sitting at the table)

NC: Pile of what?

LAG: You know what.

NC: Let's take a look at this Batshit insanity with Batman Forever.

(The film opens with the main actors' names flying in the black space, and then we're shown Batman (Val Kilmer) gearing up for his next mission in his Batcave)

NC (vo): After being assaulted by the big names in this movie...

LAG (vo): Interpret that as you will.

NC (vo): ...we see Batman, played this time by Val Kilmer, getting ready to ride a Batmobile so phallic that even HR Giger's original designs look less penisy. (The first designs for the spacecrafts from the movie Alien are briefly shown)

LAG (vo): And if you think they're not gonna overcorrect the Happy Meal tie-in from the last film, take a look at this actual opening line.

(Alfred Pennyworth (Michael Gough) comes up to Batman)

Alfred: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?

Batman: I'll get drive-through.

LAG: Well, can't act like they didn't set the bar low from the very start.

NC (vo): It's such a weird line, clearly done just for a McDonald's ad.

(The McDonald's commercial which promotes the movie, the special meal and merchandise is shown)

NC: The only way it could work is if it was literally followed by this.

Alfred: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?

Batman: I'll get drive-through.

(Batman walks off. Cut to the Batmobile standing near the actual drive-thru)

NC (vo; as Batman): Two cheeseburgers, a large fries, and, uh, I got a movie out, so just give me whatever plastic schlock with my face on it you got. (The glass mug with Batman carved on it is pops up with a ding) Bingo.

(The City of Gotham is shown, or rather, its alley that celebrates a Chinese holiday. Then we're shown ex-attorney Harvey Dent as Two-Face, played by Tommy Lee Jones, holding a bank guard as a hostage in a bank vault)

LAG (vo): Batman drives to the second Bank of Gotham in...Chinatown...as a crime boss named Two-Face, played by Tommy Lee Jones instead of Billy Dee Williams...

NC: Only the finest of art forms remedy this. (The logo for Demo Reel and the poster for The LEGO Batman Movie are shown below)

LAG:(pointing at the Demo Reel logo, chuckling) You know, I love the Italian mobster in that. (NC just looks, confused)

LAG (vo): ...is robbing a bank and juggling his split personality of a district attorney and a pervy monkey.

(The montage of Two-Face making various sounds and noises is shown)

NC: You know Tommy Lee Jones told Jim Carrey he hated him because he couldn't sanction his buffoonery?

(The audio of The Howard Stern Show podcast that aired in October of 2014 and featured Jim Carrey as a guest is heard as the pictures of Jones and Carrey are shown back-to-back)

NC (vo): Two-Face lifts the vault into the air, filling it with acid to rain down on the people of Gotham and their... (The shot zooms in to show the windows of a building in the background has windows of various colors) multicolored windows.

LAG: Medieval times is more subtle with their color use!

(As the vault is lowered by Two-Face's helicopter, Batman gets out, shoots from his grappling hook, which is actually strong enough to break through a cement wall, and makes the vault to slide back inside a bank)

LAG (vo): He uses his grappling hook to break through the incredibly weak concrete, which also supports a giant metal safe because it's suddenly the strongest concrete in the world.

LAG: I knew they shouldn't have used this stuff. (A cement bag is shown with the caption "Inconsistent Concrete: General Purpose")

(Two-Face can't control the helicopter, and he jumps out of it, along with Batman, as it collides with the Statue of Liberty lookalike (the only difference is the word "Gotham" on Lady Liberty's crown))

(We are shown the office of Edward Nygma (Jim Carrey), a lowly worker at Wayne Enterprises who has invented a new item and presents the idea to Bruce Wayne, whom he adores)

LAG (vo): Speaking of which, we're introduced to Jim Carrey as Edward Nygma, a name so ridiculous, even the animated series refused to believe he didn't just make it up.

(The clip from the animated series' episode "If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?" is shown, showing Batman and Robin discussing the matter of the Riddler in the Batmobile. The caption "The Show for Kids" is shown below)

Robin: What did you mean, a joke on his name?

Batman: His name's Edward Nygma.

Robin: I get it. "E. Nygma".

(We cut back to Batman Forever and are shown Nygma speaking to Bruce, with the caption "The Movie for Adults" being shown)

Nygma: Edward. Edward Nygma. Look at us! Two of a kind! (Cut to him grinning widely)

NC: At first, I thought Carrey's portrayal of Nygma was a little too over-the-top, but after Internet culture and fanboys blew up...

(A video of a man jumping on McDonald's counter and demanding Szechuan Sauce from Rick and Morty is shown)

(Zoom out to see that the scene is shown on television set from The Simpsons. To be specific, we're shown the clip from the episode "I Love Lisa", with Bart stopping the movie with the remote and showing Nygma's reaction to Lisa)

Bart: Watch this, Lise. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half. (clicks on remote to back the frames up) And...now!

(Bruce sees the Bat-Signal in the window and goes to his office. He sits in the chair, the hatch below opens up, the seat lowers, and Bruce slides down in a pod to the Batcave, with electronic video game sounds added)

LAG (vo): Bruce sees the Bat-Signal and uses the, um...Bat-pipe to transport himself to the Batcave.

NC (vo): Oh, that must have been a lot of fun for the builders to put in.

LAG (vo): Alfred threw his back out a lot after setting that up.

(The scene is repeated)

Bruce: Chair. (The seat lowers, and he slides down)

NC (vo): Does he...really see no problem rising with that setup?

NC:(as a guest sitting in Bruce's chair) Boy, Bruce, this is a really comfortable chair...

(The "hatch" opens, and NC falls, screaming. LAG looks down, making an "Ooh, that's gotta hurt" face. The movie: Batman rushes to the signal, only to find out it was Chase who turned it up. She walks out of the shadows, wearing skimpy clothes)

LAG (vo): It turns out the call came from Dr. Meridian.

Batman: Commissioner Gordon?

Chase: He's at home. I sent the signal.

LAG: Oh, trust me, you're sending all the signals.

NC (vo): And thus, we partake in a one-liner theatre.

Batman: Are you trying to get under my cape, Doctor?

Chase: A girl can't live by psychoses alone.

Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.

LAG:(excited) Oh! Oh! I know the opening line for the next film! (The image of Robin from Batman and Robin saying "I want a car! Chicks dig the car" is shown)

(Chase rubs Batman's chest and sighs)

Chase: Black rubber.

Batman: Try a fireman. Less to take off. (walks away, but Chase won't let him go)

NC:(chuckles) I so wish there was an emergency just so I could see him fight crime in his pajamas.

Mocker:(smiling) Oh, you saw my director's cut!

(NC and LAG just stare in confusion. In the movie, at Wayne Enterprises, we're shown Nygma capturing Fred Stickley (Ed Begley Jr.), a senior worker who has fired him, straps him to a wheeled chair and demonstrates his invention's powers on him)

LAG (vo): Nygma, meanwhile, kidnaps his boss and uses his device on him.

(Nygma turns the device on, and the image of two fish on the screen switches to three-dimensional, much to Stickley's awe and Nygma's joy)

(Nygma pulls the lever and steals Stickley's brainwaves to raise his own brain power and literally outsmart Bruce. Both him and Stickley make various sounds and speak gibberish)

LAG:(smirking with NC) Clearly, dignity has been returned to The Dark Knight.

Nygma: FRED!

(Nygma pushes the chair to the window, and Stickley falls to his death. Cut to the footage of the GNN channel report about how Harvey Dent became Two-Face: a mob boss Sal Moroni threw the retrieved flask of acid at Dent, then Batman jumped to shield Dent (at this point, the "pointless slow-mo count" changes to 2), but it was too late, and Dent was severely injured)

NC (vo): After stealing his brainwaves, Nygma kills his boss, and we're shown the most cinematic court show ever.

LAG: Well, there you go. 1/3 of The Dark Knight movie condensed into two sentences.

NC: Shouldn't he (Dent)...

NC (vo): ...want revenge on the crime boss?

LAG (vo): Also, is Batman testifying in court?

NC (vo): Is he a valid witness...

NC: ...if no one knows who he is?

(Cut to a scene of Bruce talking to Nygma)

Bruce: It just raises too many questions.

LAG and NC:(unamused) No shit!

(The next day at Wayne Enterprises, Bruce arrives with the police finds a note with Nygma's face. He opens it, and Nygma's eyes bug out and the riddle rolls up: "If you look at my face you won't see 13 in any place. What am I?". Later on, he is shown a fake note from Stickley which says "Goodbye, cruel world!")

NC (vo): Bruce has given a riddle in his office after it's revealed that Nygma's boss seems to have jumped to his death.

Gordon: Yep. Definitely suicide.

LAG: Best commissioner ever.

(Cut to Nygma creating his next riddle in his small office by cutting the letters out of various magazines and newspapers. Bruce receives it, and it says "Tear one off and scratch my head. What once was red is black instead. What am I?". He arrives at the another building to consult Chase)

NC (vo): Meanwhile, we see Wayne Enterprises apparently hands out really shitty paychecks, as Nygma's home/someone else's closet is being used to send more threatening riddles. Bruce takes one of them to a... (coughs) professional.

Chase: He's obsessed with you. His only escape may be to purge the fixation.

LAG: So, not only is he a wacko, but you've jumped to the conclusion that he's a guy.

NC: I think we established she's not a good psychiatrist.

LAG (vo): The two of them hit it off, I guess; they more play "I spy" of obvious symbolism in the room...

(Bruce notices a bat painting on the wall)

Bruce: You have a thing for bats?

(He then takes out a doll from Chase's cabinet, which is half black, half white)

Chase: She's a Malaysian dream warden. She protects you from bad dreams.

(We then cut to a Gotham charity circus show in Hippodrome)

LAG (vo): ...and he invites her to the Gotham charity circus.

(Inside, we're shown an African player playing a big drum)

LAG (vo): A Joel Schumacher film, you say?

(A group of family acrobats called The Flying Graysons are shown performing a stunt on top, with the camera focusing on their youngest member, Dick Grayson (Chris O'Donnell). The "pointless slow-mo count" is now 3)

NC: Schumacher looks at men the same way Michael Bay looks at women. (The clip of Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) from Transformers is shown) And men, the more I think about it. (Another clip pops up, this time from Pain & Gain, featuring Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg))

LAG (vo): It's here that we're introduced to the Flying Graysons, one of them soon to be Robin, the 25-year-old Boy Wonder.

NC (vo; as Dick, in a deep teen voice): I'm totally fifteen, you guys. I'm, like, into Pokémon or whatever.

(Two-Face and his thugs arrive at the event, with Two-Face taking the role of a ringmaster and bringing out the lit bomb. Meanwhile, Nygma stops making the third riddle and sees this on his TV)

NC (vo): But Two-Face interrupts the televised circus performance...

NC: You know, those...common circus performances you see all the time on TV...

(Nygma laughs with glee as the farting sound effect is heard and the "excited he farted face count" starts up. The Grayson family works together to take the rising bomb away from the circus, but Two-Face shoots up the wires that they were climbing on, and everyone falls, except for Dick)

NC (vo): The Graysons try to stop the bomb, but Two-Face guns them down, leaving only Dick.

(Dick manages to climb up the tent and throw the bomb into the water just in time it explodes)

Batman (from the 1966 movie; audio): Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb.

(Dick looks down and sees that his parents and brother are dead)

LAG (vo): The day is saved, but young Grayson is left without a family. To demonstrate Schumacher's understanding of this tremendous loss, we cut immediately to a horse humping a rock.

(Cut to the Wayne Manor, showing the exact monument LAG described. Feeling empathy for Dick's loss and feeling responsible for Batman's failure to show at the circus, Bruce takes a reluctant and devastated Dick in as a foster son)

Dick: Okay, I'm outta here.

Bruce: Excuse me?

Dick: I figured telling that cop I'd stay here for a while saved me a truckload of social service interviews and charities, so, uh...no offense, but no, thanks.

NC: Well, you're legally an adult, so do whatever the hell you want.

(Dick prepares to drive away on his motorcycle)

Dick: Get a fix on Two-Face. I want to kill him.

Bruce: Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away. It'll make it worse.

LAG:(as Bruce) I mean, I felt great when I killed the Joker, but it...probably wouldn't fit you.

(Dick finds he and Bruce share a love for motorcycles, and Bruce offers to give Dick a rare one if he stays and fixes it)

(At night, Bruce sees the Bat-Signal in the window and tells Alfred to look after Dick)

LAG (vo): But it looks like Batman is being called to an emergency that...will never be addressed, so Alfred is left to tend to Bruce's Dick.

LAG:(exchanges glances with NC) I know what I said.

(Alfred takes Dick's helmet and sees a robin pictured on it)

Alfred: Is this a robin?

Dick: My brother's wire broke once, and I swung out and grabbed him. My father said I was a hero. I flew in like a robin. Some hero I turned out to be.

Alfred: Ah, but your father was right.

NC:(grinning) The first time, anyway. (LAG looks aside, maiden-like)

(Disguised as a mother with a carriage, Two-Face reveals himself to Batman and takes out a bazooka. Batman, however, escapes: the grappling hook shoots out of the Batmobile, and it is sent driving and flying away from an explosion caused by the bazooka)

LAG (vo): Meanwhile, Two-Face ambushes Batman on his way to the crime we'll never see as, once again, we're introduced to the world's strongest frickin' grappling hook.

NC (vo; as the announcer): Tune in next time, kids! Same Batshit implausibility, same Batshit movie!

(We cut back to Nygma, who's picking his villain name, inspired and delighted by watching Two-Face's raid at the circus)

LAG (vo): Meanwhile, Nygma is trying to figure out what to call his alternate identity, but his GEICO Caveman puppet apparently has an idea.

(The fortune teller machine in Nygma's office lights up and points to a green bulb with a question mark)

Nygma: Thank you. Thank you so much. (types on his computer eagerly)

NC (vo; as Nygma): I shall be the Green Lightbulb!

(We're shown Two-Face's lair, divided into two halves: one white (good), and one dark (evil). In each one, Two-Face's respective assistants, Sugar and Spice (Drew Barrymore and Debi Mazar) are waiting for him)

NC (vo): Meanwhile, Two-Face sulks in his split lair...yeah, that's as complex as his character is gonna get, folks...and apparently, the Riddler is waiting there, too.

(An arrow points to the Riddler standing in the dark half)

LAG (vo; as the Riddler): Don't mind me, I'll just be waiting for the ass-istant director to cue me.

(The Riddler walks out and hits his staff on the ground, startling Two-Face, who abruptly turns around)

Two-Face: What?!

NC:(as Two-Face, shocked) The Green Lightbulb?!

NC (vo): The Riddler comes out of literally hiding and says he can help him kill Batman if Two-Face lets him live.

(Two-Face angrily nails the Riddler to the wall with his gun)

Riddler: But Batman... (smiles and the "excited he farted face count" pops up with the number 2 and a ding) ...now, there's a challenge. Splash of blood, and then what? Post-homicidal depression. (whimpers, making puppy-dog eyes)

LAG:(as the Riddler) Did you enjoy my porg impression? (also makes the same eyes)

(The Riddler demonstrates the power of his invention on Sugar and Spice, and the Looney Tunes cartoons are displayed as their inner thoughts. The two villains make a deal: if Two-Face helps the Riddler steal enough priceless goods and money to fund his project, the Riddler will use his invention to learn Batman's true identity)

LAG (vo): The combination of Max Headroom and a green Skittle tells Two-Face that if he gets his device on every television in town, he'll help him get Batman. Two-Face reluctantly agrees.

NC: Reluctant for him or us?

LAG: Take one.

NC: Okay.

(Two-Face and the Riddler wreak havoc at the jewelry store)

LAG (vo): They rob every place they can to mass-produce his invention.

(The Riddler breaks the glass and takes the big diamond. In the very next shot, he looks at the diamond using a loupe, but the diamond is now smaller in size)

LAG: Ah!

LAG (vo): His superpower is to magically shrink diamonds mid-edit.

(Bruce and Alfred watch the news report about Two-Face and the Riddler)

News Anchor: Teamed with Two-Face, this new criminal's pattern of marking his crimes with puzzles has Gothamites calling him the Riddler.

NC: Wouldn't they be calling him the Ripoff Artist?

(The clips in Nygma's office are shown, zooming on the items that feature the green color and the question mark)

NC (vo): I mean, obviously, the Riddler-type character exists in this world from all the toys Nygma had. So why don't people recognize it?

LAG: It'd be like if a killer wore a Spider-Man costume and called himself the Red Lobster.

NC: Actually, that would be a better name. (LAG looks at him, puzzled) How many spiders are red?!

(We go to a commercial. After returning, we are shown Nygma in front of his new corporation, Nygmatech, presenting his invention to the public)

LAG (vo): Nygma gets enough money to sell his device and even finally gives it a name.

Nygma: The Box! In every home in America, and one day, the world!

LAG: It's a cone.

(Various Gothamites are shown buying the Boxes. While they are affected by them, their brainwaves are sent to the Riddler and Two-Face)

(The business party is shown being held at Nygmatech, and the New and Improved Box is soon to be revealed. Bruce and Chase also attend the party)

NC (vo): So everyone gathers to see the new version of Nygma's box...

LAG: Cone!

NC: Let it go.

NC (vo): ...as Nygma seems to be the toast of the town.

(One of Gotham's columnists, Gossip Gerty, played by Elizabeth Sanders (Bob Kane's last spouse), sees that Nygma has come with Sugar. At the same time, Nygma grimaces which makes the "excited he farted face count" go to 3)

Gerty: How does it feel to be the city's newest, most-eligible bachelor? Gotham must know! OH!

(The shot zooms on the guest in the background, who's waving his arms in excitement)

NC (vo): The hell was up with that guy?

LAG (vo): I think a rabid baboon would be less awkward.

(The scene is replayed with the "screeching monkey" sound effect)

Nygma:(to Chase) Shall we dance?

(He takes Chase's hand and joins her on the dancing floor, giving Bruce a look)

NC (vo; as Nygma): I was asking you.

(Having nothing to do, Bruce decides to enter the Box. His brainwaves and thoughts start to be displayed on the screen. But Two-Face, Spice and the thugs crash the party and shoot out the power. Bruce snaps out of it and runs off, returning later as Batman, jumping from above via breaking the window)

LAG (vo): So while therapist and the world's greatest detective couldn't figure out this is the Riddler, Wayne is duped into a mind-reading machine, which is interrupted by Two-Face. This gives time for him to break free and, once again, refuse to enter through a door.

Guest with Glasses:(pointing up happily) Batman! Yeah!

LAG: Are there any normal extras in this movie?

NC (vo): They put on a stunt show and try doing their version of the Raiders of the Lost Ark gun scene....

(One of the thugs does some quick fight moves in front of Batman, but the latter just knocks him out with his foot)

NC:(shaking head) It doesn't work.

NC (vo): Don't worry, we don't blame you, Stunt Man Not in Any Way Resembling Val Kilmer, as Two-Face moves on to phase two.

(Two-Face and three of his thugs run into the elevator. Two-Face cackles before the doors close)

NC (vo; as Two-Face): By the way, I can't sanction your buffoonery!

(Before Batman can run off, the "Kilmer mouth open count" checks to 5. Two-Face, walking down the stairs, shoots in the sky thrice. Each time he does it, NC imitates the crow, the duck, and the chicken, as if Two-Face has shot them. The fight scene then follows, during which, the "pointless slow-mo count" and "Kilmer mouth open count" change to 5 and to 7 respectively)

NC (vo): Ooh, look! We have two pointless slo-moes and two Kilmer's mouths hanging open.

Bruce: From this day on, Batman is no more. Chase is coming over for dinner. I'm going to tell her...everything.

LAG: So, just remember, folks: it wasn't a supervillain or a dangerous stunt that ended Batman's career. It was a horny psychologist and his whiny Dick.

NC: ...Actually, that makes a little too much sense.

(Chase enters the Wayne Manor. In the meantime, Alfred sees some children trick-or-treating via the peephole)

NC (vo): Bruce invites Chase over to tell her everything, while kids go trick-or-treating at his house.

Kids: Trick or treat! (Alfred smiles and closes the peephole)

LAG (vo; as Alfred): Release the hounds.

(While Bruce kisses Chase, making her realize he is Batman, Dick is shown leaving Gotham, being disappointed about Bruce's decision. Then, we see Two-Face and the Riddler laughing behind the fence as the "excited he farted face count" changes to 4)

NC (vo): As Bruce continues to have flashbacks, his Dick flees in disgrace, and the Riddler and Two-Face find a way to sneak in.

(Alfred comes to look in the peephole again and sees Two-Face and the Riddler in Halloween masks)

Two-Face and the Riddler: Twick or tweat!

(The Riddler then knocks Alfred out with his staff, but when Alfred falls, he actually moves the tray he was holding away a little)

NC (vo): And don't forget to move that tray away from the door. There you go.

(The duo of villains and their thugs destroy the Batcave and take Chase hostage. To decide what to do with Bruce, Two-Face flips his coin, but it shows him the head side. He flips it again: same side. He flips it yet again, and now it's tails)

LAG (vo): They blow up the Batcave, kidnap Chase Meridian, and Two-Face keeps flipping his coin until he gets the side he wants.

LAG and NC:(grinning) Just like the comic!

(Two-Face shoots in Bruce's forehead, and he falls unconscious. Two-Face then walks up to Bruce in an over-the-top fashion to finish him off)

NC (vo; as Two-Face, singsong): I can't sanction this buffoonery! Too much buffoonery!

Riddler: NO!! If you kill him, he won't learn nothing.

(They cackle and guffaw, and the "excited he farted face count" is now 5. In the morning, Bruce wakes up in bed, and Alfred informs Bruce about the impact of the raid and the last riddle left. Meanwhile, Chase is shown addressing the Riddler at his lair)

(The camera focuses on the suit's rear part. The infamous image of the rapper Rich Boy biting his lip appears with the caption "BAT ASS" and the porno music playing in the background. Then, Dick steps out of the shadows, wearing the purple-colored costume he made)

LAG (vo): But he's not the only one who has to look ridiculous.

Batman: "R"? What's that stand for?

(Dick turns his head aside to say his identity's name)

LAG:(as Dick) Ralph. (NC stares in confusion) I just always wanted to be called Ralph. (He looks on and whispers dreamily) Ralph...

NC (vo): Batman is rather easily convinced to let him come along now, as they go to stop the evildoers.

(Batman and Robin fly out of the cave in the redesigned Batplane. Robin screams as the Batmobile lands in the ocean)

LAG (vo; as Robin): Oh, I have no boat training! I don't wanna die in this thing!

(Gordon wants to shut the Bat-Signal off, thinking that Batman is not coming)

NC (vo): Thankfully, Batman also lets the police know they don't actually have to do their jobs.

(Batman flies by Gordon and the officer, and they cheer for him)

Gordon: Yeah! Hey, go!

(Batman thumbs up and flies off. The caption "MEME ME" is shown with Doug's voice saying it. Laughing, Gordon and the officer shake their hands)

LAG:(as Gordon, shaking hands with NC) Well, I guess our work is done.

(At Claw Island, more brainwaves come to the Riddler's lair. Playing Battleship, Two-Face and the Riddler spot the Batplane on the water and try to shoot it down)

(The Riddler presses a button. Before the bomb can hit the Batplane, Robin pulls the "eject" lever, and he is catapulted somewhere)

NC (vo; as Batman): Oh, no. My Dick.

(All of a sudden, NC and LAG are now floating in space as the peaceful piano music plays in the background)

LAG: Hi. We've had a lot of fun with people named Dick today, but they're all good sports. So, the next time you see your local Dick, why not go up to him and say, "I know it's hard, Dick. Thank you."

(Smiling, NC mouths "Thank you", and "The More You Know" image slides in. LAG is puzzled at first, but then shrugs it off. Back to the movie, the Riddler presses the "Bonus" button to blast the Batplane with all the power of the brainwaves. The Riddler squeals in joy as the "excited he farted face count" ups to 6)

Riddler: I got him!

(The Batplane sinks)

NC: You know, between the Joker's gun and a green light, the Batplane is pathetically easy to take down, isn't it?

(Robin reunies with Batman, and they notice the island has the ground made of metal)

Robin: Holy rusted metal, Batman!

Batman: Huh?

Robin: The ground, it's all metal! It's full of holes, you know. Holey.

Batman: Oh.

NC:(laughs and waves off) We got ya! The movie wouldn't be so silly to put that kind of line in there!

LAG:(smirking) However, lines like this...

Batman:(to Chase) Are you trying to get under my cape, Doctor?

LAG: ...and this...

Batman: I'll get drive-through.

LAG: ...and this...

Batman: The car, right? Chicks love the car.

LAG: ...are totally fine.

LAG (vo): The two of them separate, leaving Robin to fight Two-Face alone.

(Robin locates Two-Face and knocks his gun out of his hands as the "pointless slow-mo count" checks to 6)

Robin: That was for my mother! (kicks him in the face with a leg) My father! (hits him in the chin) My brother!

NC:(as Robin, holding LAG (as Two-Face) by the shirt and hitting him after each sentence) My goldfish! My dog! My uncle you never met!

LAG:(as Two-Face) I hope you have a small family... (is hit again)

(Batman goes inside the lair and meets Two-Face and the Riddler, the latter wearing a white sparkling leotard with question marks on it)

NC (vo): Batman reaches the Riddler, who looks like (pictures of...) Elton John, Liberace and Syndrome fused by Satan, as he reveals his evil plan.

LAG: Except when it's not, which we've established is most of the time.

(As Two-Face is about to flip his coin, Batman flips dozens of coins at Two-Face, heavily confusing him and causing him to fall off the bar he was standing on and down to his death)

NC (vo): Batman makes it clear that it's wrong for Robin to kill, but him, on the other hand, he can totally keep looking for other faces to kill, and this one is two for one. He...kind of explains this to Nygma.

(Batman approaches a defeated Riddler)

LAG (vo; as Riddler): Ooh, I should have gotten vaccinated.

Batman: You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to be, now...because I choose to be.

LAG: (as Batman) Did I mention I'm not gonna be in the next Batman movie?

(The Riddler is sent to Arkham Asylum, where Chase is at to consult on his case along with another doctor)

NC (vo): He's sent to Arkham Asylum, where the doctor is concerned about what he knows.

Dr. Burton (Rene Auberjonois): Edward Nygma has been screaming for hours that he knows the true identity of Batman.

LAG (vo; as Dr. Burton): And why my name is in the opening credits even though I only have one line.

(The Riddler appears in a straitjacket and instead claims that he is Batman, revealing he has completely gone insane)

LAG (vo; as Riddler): Ben Affleck!

NC (vo; as Chase): Okay, he's clearly nuts.

LAG (vo): Bruce says goodbye to Chase. So I guess he did choose Batman over Bruce Wayne.

NC (vo): Kind of cheating.

(Batman and Robin are shown running towards the camera as the film ends)

LAG (vo): And our Dynamic Duds run triumphant-ish into the night.

(After the film ends, we see the final scores of the three counters this film had. Val Kilmer's mouth open has a score of 10, Schumacher's slow-motion has a score of 6, and Jim Carrey's excited faces has a score of 6. Mocker suddenly appears again)

Mocker: Ha! Holds up pretty well, doesn’t it?

NC: Well, while we appreciate you standing there in silence the whole time…

Mocker: Yeah, I like to listen.

LAG: We still can’t say it’s a good Batman movie.

(Footage of the film plays out as NC and LAG give their final thoughts)

NC (vo): I mean, okay, it’s not Batman & Robin, and it’s meant to be lighter in tone, but it just seems confused on whether it wants to be a comedy like the Adam West show, a drama like the Burton movies, and thus, it turns out it doesn’t succeed in either.

LAG (vo): Granted, it does have a few good ideas and the visuals are still rather stunning in many respects, but it plays everything too safe, and that’s not how Batman should be handled.

NC (vo): Batman should be different, memorable and inspired. This film is either annoyingly odd or boringly generic. If it didn’t have the "Batman" name on it, it’d probably be forgotten quickly as a superhero flick.

LAG (vo): It’s not the worst, but it’s not that good either. It’s a strange installment, but not that strange enough to leave that big of an impact.

Mocker: Well, I respect your opinion. (sighs) Come on, why don't we all sit down and have some tea together? I've already made some for Malcolm and Tamara.

(Malcolm and Tamara are shown at the couch drinking tea from cups with 60s-styled logos "Batman" and "Batgirl" on them)

Malcolm: He really is a nice guy. (notices that Tamara has her hands on him and slowly makes her to touch her face, which she approves)

LAG: You know...why not?

NC: Yeah, I mean, I know I don't always like your movies, Mocker, but you seem like a decent down-to-earth guy.

Mocker: Well, I really appreciate that, thank y-

(Suddenly, he is shot in his chest and falls, dead! LAG and NC gasp. Everyone turns over to see the killer was...a guy in a Spider-Man costume (if you look closely, he also fell for the nipple trick))

Tamara: The Red Lobster!

("The Red Lobster" then raises his hands, clicks them like Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama and runs away. NC and LAG stand up. NC points to "The Red Lobster"s direction, accidentally bumping LAG in the nose)

NC: THIS ISN'T OVER, LOBSTEEEEEEER!!!

(The screen then freezes on "The Red Lobster" and goes gray as the caption "The Red Lobster is Still at Large" appears. We go to the end credits)