Newborn Reality

Why is it that I read all these mommy blogs and very few (I can’t think of any) talk about how damned hard it is to parent a newborn. Yes, I’ve known about the sleepless nights. But what about when your newborn is already 6 weeks old and he’s crying his eyes out and he can’t be soothed no matter what the F* you do.

I was flabbergasted when friends told us that this is the perfect time to take the baby to a movie. They’ve either: 1) lost touch with reality, 2) forgotten their early parenting experience, or 3) given birth to mutants. We can barely leave the house; we’re so fearful the baby will start screaming his head off. One of the few things I’ve been able to enjoy is watching the World Cup games while rocking him nonstop. Even then, he’s still fussy and on the verge of wailing.

Dean posts all these great photos of the baby on Facebook. Franco cooing. Franco smiling. But let’s be real. Most of the time, Franco is crying!

We’ve done it all: rocked, sssshhhhh’d, swaddled, middle of the night car rides, vibrating rock n’ play. Oh and this kid is part feline. He hates taking a bath. Dip his toe in nice warm water and he will start screaming his head off. 6 weeks old and only a handful of baths. He reeks, I tell you.

Everyone is telling us it gets better. I’d like to know how soon!

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06.22.14

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Did they tell you newborns are Murphy’s law incarnate? Everything people tell you they’ll love, the baby hates. We often played translate the crying just to keep our sanity. “No! I’m going freeze to death! Don’t make me do it!” Gabriella screamed during baths starting at 5-6 months you’d think she was melting like the wicked witch of the west and didn’t stop til she was 13 months.

I think the sweet cute times with kids creates a parental amnesia for the bad stuff. What 40 hr labor? He’s so cute!

michelle, you are cracking me up with gabriella melting like the wicked witch. that is franco! it’s actually getting better, however. just the other day he was so good almost the whole day (for the first time ever), i thought maybe he’d been dropped on his head or something. and the parental amnesia is so true. no one seems to remember the bad stuff.

“He reeks, I tell ya.” Hahahaha! Sorry. Don’t mean to laugh at your struggles. And I can’t relate at all because I don’t have a kid. But at least you haven’t lost your sense of humor. 🙂 Hang in there! At some point he’s going to want to impress the girls and will take a bath on his own (in about 15 years).

karen, what’s ironic is that my husband and i love our bath time. in fact, we both take 2 showers a day. so yesterday we tried to be ultra-happy when we gave him his bath. we were all smiles, singing happy tunes. the poor kid was so brave. he tried not to cry, but his lower lip was totally quivering. hilarious! this is water, kiddo, not lava.

Uh-oh! I feel you! Been there, done that. And certainly, it will all get better in time. The thing is I didn’t know how it had gotten any better for me because I can really remember the nights of crying. Most of the time I just thought that that’s what a baby does, cry all the time. Hehe 😀

Catherine, my heart goes out to you 100%, because I am a surviving mom of a newborn who had colic (Emma). Seriously my first baby just screamed and cried all the time. My husband and I still talk about this time in our lives and admit to still being a bit shell shocked when I think about it still. I can say it does get better and know at almost 5, my colicky baby (Emma) sleeps though the night and wakes up with a smile on her face 9 times out of 10. But not going to lie either when I say the first two years of her life, were absolutely a horror show and then I got pregnant with Lily when Emma was only 7 1/2 months old. Somehow by the grace of God, Lily was a much better baby and didn’t have colic. I can only say hang in there and I know that this too shall pass. But as for the baths, both my girls still not a fan of getting their hair washed and still cry and get upset for this no matter what I do sadly.

janine, you are wonder woman to have a colicky baby, then to turn around and have another one! i truly admire you! and thank you for understanding. you’re right it does get better. franco’s not crying non-stop anymore. believe me, he cries. but at least it has dissipated. the bath thing is totally strange because dean and i love our bath time. we can spend hours in the shower, it’s our way to relax. and here i’ve gone and given birth to pig-pen.

I feel for you. Two of my three were screamers. ALL. THE. TIME. Turns out my colicky babies actually had food allergies. I was breastfeeding, so I modified my diet and things turned around. Is there any chance that it could be something like that? Thinking of you…I do remember how hard it was.

HELP MICHELLE! actually, i’m happy to report that it’s gotten better. franco still cries a lot, but it’s not as bad as those first few weeks. i thought i’d have to return him; i couldn’t take it much longer. he’s gained considerable weight which i think helps. poor thing isn’t starving all the time anymore.

Ooohhh that cute little crying face!!! I feel for you!! Infant cries have a totally different sound then older baby cries and to hear it non stop and not know what to do about it has got to be driving you nuts. Sounds like you’ve got a fussy one on your hands. I hope he gets all cried out soon so you can all rest a little easier. I’m not a parent I know nothing about babies but some parents have said that little vibrating chairhelps soothe them. Every baby is just so different though so you never know.

haha, britt! i’m hoping that your little one is less fussy than mine. but it definitely gets better. ever since i wrote this post, it has gotten better and better each day. by the way, put the fisher-price snugabunny swing on your registry or get it used from a mommy group or craigslist. it is a game changer!!!

Congratulations on making it this far with Franco. Looks like you’ve tried just about everything to sooth him, remembering that crying accomplishes many things, including supporting a strong respiratory system. But, here’s another suggestion: tuck him into a snuggly or front pack and wear him wherever you go — around the house, in front of the computer, while doing dishes, brushing your teeth, shopping, etc. I know people “wear” their infants face-out, but I always wore my kids with their head against my heart where womb sounds are more easily heard. Baby strolling is also a good way to find some peace.

You are right…no one tells you about the crying jags. Our daughter went through the same thing. It would literally start when my husband pulled into the driveway after work and go on for hours. I feel your pain and frustration. Yes, it will end. As I recall, for us it was at about 8 weeks and happened suddenly. One night was miserable and the next was fine. But I also remember that those days and weeks felt like they would never end. My screaming daughter is now expecting her own baby (a boy!). Only time will tell if her baby is also a screamer! Hang in there!!

mo, what’s funny is that franco, out of the blue, had a really good day yesterday. so good that i thought someone dropped him on his head. but seriously, i think it’s getting better. i’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel 🙂 but next up: teething!

Oh my goodness! Babies are so cute even when they are crying…except when you’re the parent! I totally feel your pain. My daughter would not sleep and cried and cried. I was at my wits end. I bought the Happiest baby on the Block DVD and started swaddling her. Made all the difference in the world. So in order for her to sleep she had to be swaddled (tightly) and rocked in a weird way. It worked, and we gained some of our sanity back. Good luck Catherine! Let us know how it goes.

we had a night nanny come by who was brilliant. she double-swaddles! she swaddles franco in a swaddle cloth, then she zippers him up in a woombie where he can’t maneuver his arms. it has totally helped him sleep longer throughout the night.

I feel for you, hang in there. As my Mom always says, “this too shall pass.” I know it seems like groundhog day when you’re living through it, but one day you’ll wake up and he’ll be done with this phase. That’s the thing about kids…they’re constantly going through phases. Sometimes it’s great, other times you wonder what happened to that sweet, innocent baby who never used to talk back to you. But the best part is that they’re constantly changing…getting stronger and more independent every day. Mine are 6, 4 and 2 now. I LOVE being a Mom to kids their ages. Trust me, it does get better. It doesn’t get easier (they’re still a LOT of work and the physical stuff exchanges for more emotional needs), but it does get much more fun. And you can eventually leave your house with them to go see that movie. 😉

that’s funny, we were just talking to friends the other day who said that kids get more mentally difficult as they get older. so instead of being physically exhausted, you’re mentally exhausted as they try to outwit you. it is getting better day by day. this will pass, as you mentioned!

Oh poor baby. That photo needs to go in his baby book. I don’t have children, but was going to write back in the day my mom – she had six kids – called it colic. She used to blame milk and called it gas. I see a couple of other commenters mentioned it already. I looked colic up online and it appears my mom knew what she was talking about. Unfortunately I also read this – It almost always goes away on its own by 3 or 4 months.

Seriously though he might have an allergy. It wouldn’t hurt to mention it to your pediatrician.

i know the picture of franco crying is priceless. i’m sure i’ll look at it one day and i won’t even remember how exhausted and frustrated i was. oh, and sleep-deprived! i will say, though, that it’s gotten better since i wrote this post. day by day!!!

I went to a baby group when Scarlet was born and everyone there was struggling. So I had a really easy first experience because Scarlet barely cried. I know, right?
Don’t worry – Des liked to get his scream on. I’d swing him in the infant carseat. So bad for my back and arms, I’m sure.
With him, it got better, yes. At four months. But who was counting?

tamara, a friend of mine said i need to get to a baby group stat! i haven’t gone yet because there’s no way i can even drive a mile without franco screaming the whole way. that said, it is getting better. yesterday (for the first time) he barely cried which was insane. i was thinking maybe he got dropped on his head or something. he was like a different person.

Sorry to hear its a rough start – I hope it gets easier soon, have you tried gripe water or something similar? Music/Nature sounds? I used to use that and so do lots of friends of mine. My son wasn’t that bad thank God but my friends daughter is colicky and she is an extremely fussy baby. Talk to your pediatrician and hopefully something can be done.. Hoping things get easier darling -Iva

iva, it’s funny but since i wrote that post, it has gotten better. what a relief! yesterday was the best day ever. he barely cried. i thought, ‘what happened to my franco?’ it’s like he has finally calmed down. maybe now that he’s gained some weight, he isn’t starving all the time. thank God for small miracles. next up: teething!

YAY!!! Happy to hear things are getting a bit calmer in your household – one step at a time, let’s not worry about teething until you cross that bridge. Enjoy the calm and the smiles. 🙂 The one thing I remember is during all major developmental changes, tantrums and crying episodes are at their peak – so just take it as a sign that he is growing physically and mentally and when necessary, walk away, lol. 🙂

Congrats, Dean & Cathy, on the li’l bambino! Uncle Aurino & Auntie Linda were so excited to share the news of his arrival when they visited Tacoma last month. About the crying…man, Isaac was our crier infant!!! He did it every evening for 2-3 hours and it was always when Vince came home from work and I was at the end of my loooong day at home with the baby. Totally healthy baby, nothing wrong with him. Wha?! One thing I wish we knew about years ago when Vince & I started having kids was “The Period of Purple Crying”. Hospitals in our region–including the pediatric hosp I work at– have recently started implementing this educational program for new parents and caregivers. So insightful! Kinda takes some of the worry & anxiety away. Read more at http://www.purplecrying.info. The YouTube video on the “Period of Purple Crying” by Dr. Ronald Barr is a must watch–it’s short and very insightful.
I don’t know or remember how we survived that time in our lives…all a blur now. It’s crazy, but hang in there, it’ll pass. Enjoy little Franco while he’s still small. They grow up so fast!

mar, thank you so much for sharing the purple crying resource. i had no idea. it’s so helpful and reassuring. every parent should learn about this! more important than the 5 S’s. seriously!

luckily, it has gotten a lot better with franco. we also just bought him a swing yesterday which he seems to love. he goes right to sleep. i wish i’d bought it from day one! thank you again for sharing. makes me feel so much better. xoxo!!!

Hang in there, honey! My prayers are with you. My oldest was a bigtime cryer, too. He wouldn’t take a pacifier and nothing seemed to soothe him. I would take him over to my mom’s, where my sister would walk circles around the house and bounce him and I’d slump in mental exhaustion on the couch. That phase lasted 4-5 months. You’ll get through it, it just takes time.

if you are eating a lot of green vegetables it can give the baby gas and they really cry. I ate bowls of broccoli after my daughter was born and she screamed for 3 days.straight.nonstop. I thought I was going to loose my mind until I finally changed my diet. It went away almost instantly. And over time you learn the right “jiggle” that is their sweet spot when they are cranky. Keep practicing- it will get better. Oh, and nap when they nap – ignore the house and everything else!

Ditto Mar’s comment. Read about the Period of PURPLE crying (http://purplecrying.info/what-is-the-period-of-purple-crying.php). Some babies have it worse than others. Keeping track of what you eat and his response is another good idea. I found that when I ate brocolli and asparagus for example, Lizelle got really fussy. I cut the stuff I could link to her crying from my diet and things got a lot better.

cynthia, thank you! i had never heard about the purple crying. i wish the concept was more mainstream (i.e., the 5 S’s) because it’s so helpful to know that every baby goes through this! i thought it was just our baby and it was driving me insane.

What I’ve heard is that the general rule is that things calm down for real at about 6 months. But every baby is so different. Out of the 7 of us kids, I think only 2 were really crazy screamers/criers. Some babies truly are calm–they’re not mutants–it’s just that babies already have really different personalities even as newborns (and then with some there’s other issues like colic. My uncle is 44 years old and I think his colic scarred my grandma because she still talks about how much he cried as a baby!). I have a 6 week old cousin right now who lives next door to us and I’ve yet to hear her cry. Even at church, when being passed from one family member to another to another….she is so calm. Unlike her toddler brother who’s a holy terror….

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Welcome to my site, derived from an advice column I wrote while getting my MBA. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. I give helpful, opinionated advice based on my own experience and from the expertise of my extensive network. For more, click here.