Last night, despite telling myself I would go to bed early, I stayed up extraordinarily late. I often wonder how I so quickly lose good life habits, and this is it: sleep has negative priority. Perhaps not in the forefront of my mind, as I know restfulness is the crux of many of my problems but subconsciously, I would rather stay up chatting with someone or surfing the web or playing Street Fighter. This is one of the issues I'm hoping I'll be forced to fix when I go to Japan.

My Japan trip, excursion, journey, quest, adventure is happening in less than a few months. I don't feel as prepared as I could be, but I feel like I could deal with things fine if I had to go tomorrow. I'm a bit frightened, as I always am in new situations, but confident. I've been able to make enough money to cover my ass, something I wasn't sure I would be able to do, so that's certainly set me at ease a little bit.

Often, I wonder if I should have been chosen to go. I feel like it is a great opportunity for me and that I'm extremely lucky and that it might change my life completely, but I can't help but wonder if I deserve to go.

At first, I didn't even want to go. I didn't apply in the first semester, and when people asked why, I shrugged and hmmed and hawed and had no good response. Truthfully, I was too scared to just up and leave and go to a new place. In the second semester, I was coerced by my friend to apply, and with the confidence of doing well in my Japanese studies, I agreed. My friend was incredibly gung-ho and prepared much better than I. I slapped together a few things last minute and didn't even get a proper reference letter from my employer(though that was no fault of my own - just my terrible, terrible place of work). Thankfully, we both got called in for an interview, but I had the upper hand, as I got to go second. When she came out, she told me all the questions they asked, and I was able to prepare. She felt that she made mistakes during the interview; when I did it, I felt like I did it flawlessly.

Sure enough, the next day I was called and I had gotten the award. I felt both ecstatic and terrible at the same time - I was certain, somehow, that she hadn't got it. I didn't call her right away in case she would get a call later in the weekend, but on Monday, I had to tell her. She was a bit depressed, but resilient, promising to apply next semester and try her hardest.

I don't like getting awarded for mediocrity. It's one of my pet peeves. If I don't try, I shouldn't get anything - and yet, much of my life is based on me doing the minimum amount of work for the same results. I blame my job(again), but the hypocrisy is still evident, I'm not denying this. However, I see it more as me pointing out the flaws in the system via my life. Nevertheless, sometimes I wish she had gotten it instead of me. Obviously though, not /that/ much. Otherwise I would have talked to the board about declining the award.

When it comes to committee type things, all the "try hard" you can do is apply. The rest is up to them. I know I do much, MUCH better when I know what's coming though.

I'm proud of you, bud. As much as my future plans are pointing towards me heading off to some strange land, I know my mentality will put it off longer than it should. I look at where my life has gone simply by moving to an island 6 hours away, and it's done wonders. Besides your sleep schedule, I think the trip will help with your mediocrity problem. I do the least I can do to get the best result, and having spent so much time in a Western educational program, I've got a decent lock on what I can get away with. This is why I want to move. I feel like I'm playing a game I've beaten already and I want to see if my skills translate out in the world. You are going to be in a place that works fundamentally differently and you won't speak the language. You're going have to throw yourself into things and get the most out of your extended stay, or you're going to have zero fun and achieve nothing. And, if you're like me, you hate hypocrisy, yes, but you also have standards for yourself. And I don't think you'll let yourself go all the way there to come up short for no reason by your own.

I'm glad you got the capital you needed too. This is going to be one of THE moments in your life, my friend. I am so jealous. I want to visit the future SO BADLY!

Also, you should get a badminton set for your car that you can collapse and set up anywhere.

In the diary of my day to day, but will write a part of the Japanese. I think my Japanese is as bad. During the Japanese class, my teacher (Mr. Mito) "to write a diary every day," he said. So this diary every day I slow down my Chouto.So. From Tuesday's weather was very good, I wanted to badminton. Drinking over the phone arrays, Montroyal a walk in wonder. Badminton is a sport it's my favorite. Fast, from difficult, I think the most fun sport. I want to badminton every day.

Swallow That, in this reading the diary, and wished to correct my Japanese.