Monday, May 03, 2010

Truth

Lacking anything better to do, on Friday night I watched the 1984 hit 'The Karate Kid'. Considering its era and genre, it wasn't such a bad effort. The sets weren't conspicuously hideous, the perms were reasonably restrained, and the requisite montages were comparatively subtle. There was even a point at which I noticed Ralph Macchio's brown Nike crosstrainers and thought, "Hey, those are pretty cool!" It seems that everything old is new again.

The exception was the soundtrack. When your soundtrack's high point is a minor Bananarama single, you know that something has gone seriously wrong.

The musical nadir came, as musial nadirs often do, in the closing credits, with Survivor's 'Moment of Truth'. The tune was about as catchy as static. The lyrics were devoid of logic, grammar or even coherent ideas. It was vigorously, comprehensively, utterly awful.

It's a big call, but I'm going to make it. Ladies and gentlemen, the worst power ballad of the 80s!

Moment of Truth

When you're alone, you ask yourselfwhat are you searching for?Deep in the night, a dream is bornone that you can't ignore.

If you think you can find the passionand you're ready to take a chance,If you really believe you can make itthen the power is in your own hands

[Chorus]

It's the moment of truth you're giving it all,standing alone willing to fall.If you can do it, get up and prove it,get up and show them who you are.It's the moment of truth, it's all on a line,this is the place, this is the time,waiting forever, it's now or it's never, nothing can stop you now.

Once in your life, you make a choice, ready to risk it all.Deep in your soul, you hear a voice, answering to the call.Though you know that it won't be easy,it's a promise you made for love,for the people that keep believing,and the one that you're thinking of.

It's as if someone asked Survivor to come up with either the world's most inane lyrics, or the world's most breathtakingly idiotic lyrics, and they said, "Dammit, we're Survivor! We're going to do both!"

I'm still trying to work out how they did this. Here are my best guesses:

A: The members of Survivor had been reading 'The Secret'.

B: This song was originally intended for "7 Habits of Highly Effective People: The Musical!"

C: Lead singer Jimi Jamison was just randomly singing quotes from an executive desk calendar.