the SHAW Blog

With the advancement of neuroscience and the understanding of the processes occurring in our brain, we now have a better look at how successful individuals reach their goals. While having natural talents definitely plays a role in success, our ability to condition our brain might have the stronger influence on how our future endeavors play out. This conditioning allows us to gear our brains towards achieving said goals.

Neuroscientists suggest that there are three crucial activities that occur within our brain as we aim our efforts at a particular outcome. The first falls within the reticular activating system. This is a simply a fancy name for a filtration system in the brain. It works by blocking out unneeded information and instead, focusing on the pertinent information for the task at hand. This is important for success because the more you focus on your goals, the more this reticular activating system works in your favor.

The second process important to reaching your goals is the natural release of dopamine in your brain. When you reach a desired outcome, you get a release of this feel good neurotransmitter and it conditions you to want to further succeed.

Lastly, one’s memory also appears to play a role in being successful. While negative memories might hinder our future performance, we have the ability to alter our perception of those past events. By changing how we feel about past failures, one can prevent them from interfering with our drive for future attempts at a particular task. The same is true with past successes. As we dull the effects of past failures, we can actually amplify the positive nature of past successes.

So how can I condition my brain during my daily routine?

Try these 8 simple activities:1. Exercise and meditate2. Consume a diet rich in omega-3s and healthy fats 3. Give yourself daily affirmations4. Plan a main goal for the day5. Get plenty of sleep6. Learn something new for 15 minutes a day7. Stay away from stressful environments8. Visualize your goals

Societal norms often indicate that pornography and the possible addiction one might experience from frequent viewing is solely a problem for males. A recent article reports that an estimated 1 in 3 viewers on pornographic sites are actually female and the repercussions from habitual viewing are just as real for them as they are for their male counterparts. Because society generally doesn't believe that pornography addiction can happen to women, the stigma women experience is reported to be stronger for them causing them to stay silent and in the shadows with their problem. However, as more and more woman come forward with their stories, more and more women are finding that they are not alone and that help is available.

With frequent viewing of pornographic scenes, we condition are brains to link a feel good neurotransmitter called dopamine with the activity. Hence the reason women are just as susceptible to the addictive nature of this activity. In fact, because woman experience less recuperation time between orgasms, they report going on frequent "porn binges". Women who struggle with this addiction report high amounts of shame and guilt because they feel so alone, afraid, and isolated.

How can the act of simply paying attention to our surroundings encourage us to become more compassionate and concerned for others?

As we face this question, we turn to Sylvia Boorstein, prominent psychotherapist and known follower of Buddhist teachings who is a big proponent of practicing mindfulness. Being mindful, or paying attention to the world around us can give great perspective on the human condition that we all face. It’s the fact that we all face it together that binds us. However, we often go out into this world completely oblivious to the struggles of others. Boorstein argues that it is the state of a truly awakened mind when we can notice and empathize with what we see happening in lives of others. When we take this time to see others, to truly see them, we quickly learn that we all experience anguish and suffering. It’s in this learning that we find compassion and concern for our fellows. All we needed was time to step back, pay attention and relate to those around us rather then fall into comparison.

Boorstein goes on to talk about her meditation rituals and how she utilizes that time to simply ground herself and slow an overstimulated mind, but that if she really wants to feel connected, she only need to look at the suffering happening all around her.

So how do we implement this newly found compassion and wisdom in the real world?

Take for instance the political space we find ourselves in. Boorstein not only acknowledges the distress one might feel from such an environment, but she also advises that we pay close attention to these feelings as they come up. When we experience negative emotions, we often get very tunnel visioned and as Boorstein puts it, a small growl can quickly become a very loud bark. If we instead catch ourselves at the jumping off point, we can more appropriately react to negative emotions rather then letting them consume us. Sometimes this practice of mindfulness requires us to pay close attention to our own thinking so that we can then react sanely and compassionately to people we engage with daily who might not share our own way of thinking.

Being mindful also allows for us to take into account the experiences others may have that attribute to their ideas and beliefs. These differing of views can cause disconnection amongst our peers, but when we can see the person as an accumulation of their unique experiences, much like we are, we can once again reconnect to them and find that place of compassion.

While intellect may have been previously considered the major predictor for success, it is now thought that emotional intelligence plays a much more important role in life. Emotional intelligence refers to our ability to deal with our internal workings such as our behavior and our ability to make personal decisions while also guiding us in social situations. We find that emotional intelligence is a skill we learn and improve upon through life-long practice and that normal intelligence is not predictive our emotional intelligence capabilities. Whether one is introverted or extroverted also appears to have no bearing on this skill-set.

This emotional intelligence we posses can be broken down in four key categories: Self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Self-awareness keeps us in tune with our emotional state while self-management allows us to use those emotions to direct our behavior. Social awareness on the other hand, allows us to perceive the emotional state of those around us. Relationship management then combines our knowledge of our emotional state and the state of those around us to guide our interactions with others.

So, what’s so important about emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence has become the strongest predictor for success both in life and in the workplace. It’s been found that 90% of the top performers in the workplace have high levels of emotional intelligence while the bottom tier performers score low on the scale.

Due to our brains amazing ability at rewiring itself, we can further our development of this intelligence with some action and become a better version of ourselves.

With our current trend of disassociating sexual gratification from love, intimacy and physical connection, we find a rise in "pornosexuality". This newly adapted term refers to someone who solely links his or her sexuality to porn. While porn reached consumers through only 90 porn magazines before the birth of the Internet, we now see websites such as “Pornhub” claiming an average of 64 million viewers a day. This frequent pornography watching not only can become addictive in nature, but can also become a means for individuals to keep themselves safe from the possibility of rejection and the anxiety one might experience from intimate situations.

Pornosexuality can occur both in and outside of a relationship, but no matter the circumstance, we see distance being created between the person involved and those they are close with. While some are embracing this new form of sexuality, others may find it distressing and want to make a change.

Whether you embrace this new form of sexuality or find it distressing, our experts at SHAW Center for Healing can help you navigate your journey toward Sexual Health & Wellness while increasing your Erotic Intelligence.