Rants on Unicorns and Spaceships

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

This is for the third and fourth series. A whole different cast of females but the guys haven't changed a whole lot.

Girls:

Donna, Martha, Jenny

Guys:

10th Doctor, Jack Harkness, Mickey

My Take:

Girls:

Donna-Kill. Donna was hilarious and awesome, but unfortunately she's too loudmouthed to want to marry her and I wouldn't really want to fuck her either.
Martha-Marry. She's a freakin doctor. Pretty, capable and good at communication (wanted the Doctor to open up and talk about his past. I'm all about that!)
Jenny-Fuck. She's gorgeous and spunky, what's not to love? With the doctor's sense of adventure, she's got to be fun in bed!

Guys:

10th Doctor-Marry. Like I said before...he's just amazing. He's got clever, sexy and unpredictable all in the same package! Enough mysteries to stick with for a really long time.
Jack Harkness- Fuck. The man knows what he's doing. Obviously.
Mickey-Kill. Sorry Mickey. You were annoying as sin in the first and second seasons...although you got pretty cool in the fourth season.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I'm going to start with season one and two of the reboot for shits and giggles!

Girls:

Rose Tyler, Jackie Tyler, Harriet Jones

Guys:

Captain Jack Harkness, 9th Doctor, 10th Doctor

My Take:

Girls:

Rose Tyler- Fuck. She's got DSL. Ha. Rose is a little too needy for me. While she was a great companion, she started getting jealous and smothering. And she doesn't listen at all. (ie. Father's Day)
Jackie Tyler- Kill. She annoyed me from the first episode to the last. I could definitely do without her whining and that obnoxious voice.
Harriet Jones- Marry. She's older, but she's competent and powerful. The woman's got ambition and it'd be an interesting ride.

Guys:

Captain Jack Harkness-Fuck. He's omnisexual, goddamnit. Harkness hits on EVERYTHING and you bet he's tried it every which way in the galaxy. Definitely good for a lay, but his eyes stray a bit too much for anything more serious.
9th Doctor-Kill. This breaks my heart, because he's actually my favorite doctor, but he's also the most distant. And had the least screen time from his short lived stint in season one. This is the war torn doctor and while he's amazing, I think he'd have a hard time settling down with a human.
10th Doctor-Marry. Brilliant. He's adorable, smart and all around amazing. It's hard not to fall in love with this doctor. Plus, he falls for Rose, which means he's capable of settling down, at least his not fully timelord self.

Miss Gallifrey's Take:

Girls:

Rose Tyler- Fuck. She's a chav London girl, so she's probably crazy in the sack.
Jackie Tyler-Marry. She's a tough lady so she'd defend and stand up for me all of the time...and we'd have fun arguments because we KNOW Jackie likes to argue.
Harriet Jones-Kill. Every time I saw her she would hold up her ID and state who she was. That would make me want to kill her alone.

Guys:

Captain Jack Harkness-Kill. Unfortunately kill, but he'd come back to life five minutes later, so it's all good!
9th Doctor-Fuck. He's an edgy dude and we would probably have crazy fantastic sex. (which he would say 'FANTASTIC' afterwards with a huge grin on his face)
10th Doctor-Marry. He's incredibly sweet and adorable. We'd have really fun adventures together...and if we part, he'd burn up a sun just to say goodbye.

From start to finish in this book, Mars is a gritty, unwelcoming place. Everything is breaking down, hell, society is breaking down and folks are trying to leave. Including Steele and his family. His bounty hunter job for the government that he hides from his family reminds me of Repo (The genetic opera, not the movie) where there's a tough balance between familial deception and protection. The world's really well fleshed out, even though it's desolate and the plot's tight which works well for this novella.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Steele Really Hates Mars #1: Steele absolutely loves his government and is doing one last job for them. Yeah right, he can't wait to get the hell outta Dodge. His plan is to pack his family on the next shuttle off Mars and take them to his folks' farm. That way he can cut his ties with the world he hates, a government he thinks is corrupt as shit and finally live a normal life rather than a double one, hiding his real career from his wife and little girl.

Steele Really Hates Mars #2: He follows leads, most of them going in nice roundabouts, leaving a trail of bodies as he goes. Finally, he manages to make it to the tunnels with a clear idea of where Pierce is. Down there he fights some big ol' mean monster, yet another reason people stopped mining down there. Once he gets to the lab though, he fights and kills man, thinking it to be his twin brother, Pierce. Funny thing though, it's not. In a great twist, it's a clone which mean's Pierce is steps ahead of him.

Steele Really Hates Mars #3: Steele races back home to his family, but already knows he's too late. His brother planned this out perfectly, pretty much taking his identity and ensuring that Steele's wiped off the map. (taking his fingerprints, making sure Steele's are screwed up) Pierce boards the shuttle with Steele's wife and children, leaving our protagonist helpless to do anything but watch as his evil twin brother assumes his identity and takes over everything good in his life, leaving him in the place he loathes.

I loved the tie-in with the October rain at the end and I loved how the plot circles back to the beginning scene where we originally find Steele a crumpled, bleeding wreck, staring out at a city that he hates more than anything. A tight plot and a very well developed world make this a fun read.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I've decided to broaden the horizons a bit and delve into some of the excellent science fiction and fantasy in television too! Don't worry, I'll still be doing books, but just opening the door to churn some other stuff through the MFK meat grinder.

What better way to kick it off than Firefly?

Girls:

Zoe, Inara, Kaylee

Guys:

Mal, Jayne, Wash

My Take:

Girls:

Zoe- Kill. Hey, she got lucky during that battle way back when with Mal. Her number's been up for awhile and while she's handy in a pinch, she always took a backseat to the other personalities on board the ship.
Inara- Fuck. Her Companion status means she's got to know every trick in the book, hence an interesting lay. But she's probably got too much baggage to want to handle that long term. Especially since she has folks she's slept with in every zipcode.
Kaylee- Marry. She's the perfect melting pot of tomboy and sweetheart. Kaylee won everyone's hearts from the first episode where she's walking around twirling her adorable umbrella. Meanwhile, five seconds later, she's covered head to toe in grease from working on an engine. Definitely want to stick with this one long term.

Guys:

Mal-Fuck. Who wouldn't want to fuck Malcolm Reynolds? After all, he's just too pretty for God to let him die.
Jayne-Kill. Yeah, while he may be funny, I wouldn't trust this guy for shit. Unless I was loaded and could be sure to outbid the competition. While Jayne had his high points, a lot of the times he skated the line too close to villain for me to feel safe with him around.
Wash-Marry. Realistically, he makes me laugh. And that trait trumps a hell of a lot. He may not be king of the badasses, but he's sharp. A talented pilot is definitely nothing to scoff at. Really? I'm choosing him because, well, dinosaurs.

Berzerker Tiki's take:

Girls:

Zoe-Kill. As good as she is in a fight, she doesn't hold up against the other two. She seems like she'd want to poke the bear constantly and I wouldn't want to deal with that.
Inara- Fuck. This is the obvious choice. For someone who's paid to show you how to have a good time, I'd expect nothing but the best.
Kaylee- Marry. She's just perfect. She knows how to be one of the guys, but is capable of showing a softer side too.

Guys:

Mal- Fuck. Good leader. Brash and kind of an asshole, but he always seems like he knows how to have fun. The perfect recipe for a one night stand.
Jayne- Kill. As much as it pains me to do this, he's not really someone you can trust. Unfortunately, if he goes, so does his hat. Unless we can find a way to keep his hat.
Wash- Marry. He's the marrying type. Wash's the kind of person who'd always be there for you and knows how to make you laugh.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Despite Rose's lapses into immaturity during this book, I thought it explored some really dark places with her which is what made it so memorable. Between that and the ever present tension with Dimitri, this book gave a good payoff in multiple ways. I liked the continuing of their guardian training and more of realization of what that entailed for a future, something that Rose didn't seem to dwell on that much before.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Rose's Crankypants Outburst #1: The first one sets the tone for the book when Rose has a hissyfit over her assignment with Christian. You know something's off by the extreme way she reacts to it, resorting to childish, almost embarrassing levels. The pairing ends up bringing them closer together and foreshadows the kickass team they make at the end when they're taking out Strigoi.

Rose's Crankypants Outburst #2: Seeing Mason in the middle of her first mock fight against "Strigoi" sends Rose into another fit of rage where she runs her mouth and gets punished for it. Because of her overreaction to being paired with Christian before, her teachers just think her non-reaction in the fight is an act of defiance. She's too stubborn to tell them otherwise and understandably so, because when she finally does, they put her into therapy. The counseling thing yields one fruitful result though and that's her opening up to Dimitri more and finally getting closer to him.

Rose's Crankypants Outburst #3: The final outburst is the worst, where she realizes that she's sucking in all of Lissa's darkness. She's at her wit's end and pretty much in meltdown mode, half a step away from the asylum. That's when Dimitri's there to pull her out of it and the tension that had been mounting since book one finally culminates when they get together. Everything was perfect between them for one sweet moment. Which of course meant it would all go to hell seconds later. And it did in a spectacularly heartbreaking fashion. Rose feels nauseous and out pop the Strigoi, having just broken through the school's wards. But after giving us all of the built up Rose/Dimitri action, Richelle Mead snatches it away when Dimitri's dragged off by the Strigoi, to become one of them.

So, I'm guilty of absolutely loving the way she stuck it to Lissa at the end of the book. Even if she felt badly about it. Lissa's a very passive character that doesn't do a ton. Through the first three books we are told how wonderful she is by Rose, but we don't actually see her do a ton. To be honest, Lissa gives little thought to her flailing friend, not picking up on any emotional hints or even digging deeper and making her open up. All of that makes her a rather selfish character, so at the end of the book when Rose chooses to go off? I wanted to clap. And it ended on such a brutal note too, heartbroken at Dimitri being turned and heading off on her eighteenth birthday after resigning from the school she fought so hard to stay in. A fantastic read.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Georgia- Kill. She's sweet, but in the Dresden universe, sweet just doesn't cut it, not with all the badasses around.
Elaine- Marry. Despite her shiftiness with Harry, this chick knows how to take care of herself. She's capable, smart, determined and intelligent, all stuff I'd respect enough to seal the deal with her. Married to her, things would never get boring.
Luccio- Fuck. After she got that new young body, I'd definitely take a tumble with her, because she's got a ridiculous amount of experience being as old as she is.

Guys:

Billy- Kill. Sad. I don't want to kill Billy, because he's an amazing character too, but the other two just resonate with me more.
Butters- Marry. Polka Will Never Die. Dude, this guy is sweet, ridiculously smart and loyal. He ends up having more inner badass than most considering he doesn't have any magical powers or juju to protect him. Pretty much with all that going on, who wouldn't want to marry him?
Ramirez- Fuck. He's got to be in excellent shape and he'll keep his looks for a long time since he's a wizard and all.

Berzerker Tiki's Take:

Girls:

Georgia- Marry. Loving wife and guard dog all in one! Huzzah!
Elaine-Kill. I would never be able to trust her. She's screwed over Harry so much in the past that it makes you wonder what agenda she has. Better safe than sorry. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Luccio- Fuck. She was pretty much a badass but aside from that, she's singlehandedly crafted all the Warden swords. She's been around for a long time, so I'm sure she's picked up some tricks along the way.

Guys:

Billy- Kill. I don't want to kill him, but I also have to make a decision. I'm sorry, Billy!
Butters- Marry. Because it's fucking Butters. Because polka will never die. He's the most useful ally Harry has ever had aside from Bob.
Ramirez- Fuck. The dude comes in and saves the day at the best times. And when he does, it's always with such panache.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Time for Vampire Academy to take a whirl! An awesome series with a great cast ripe for MFK-ing!

Girls:

Rose, Lissa, Mia

Guys:

Dimitri, Christian, Adrian

My Take:

Girls:
Rose- Marry. Rose is sassy, a fountain of witticisms and strong. She knows how to be devoted, hell, she put up with Lissa's whiny ass all these years and was constantly putting her first. So yeah, she'd be the marrying type. I mean come on, how many Strigoi has she killed? The body count keeps going up.
Lissa- Kill. Can't wait on this one. For someone who's part of a bond, Lissa's incredibly unobservant. She's so caught up in her own stuff all the time that she happens to miss EVERYTHING going on in Rose's life. On top of that, she's a weak character, constantly needs protection and whines so much that I'll be glad to kick her over the mountain ledge.
Mia- Fuck. She's kinda nuts. But at least she's willing to learn to fight and she had a kickass moment at the end of book 2 that cemented her in as a likeable character. Despite her many flaws, she remains interesting and while not awesome enough to marry, a one night stand would be do-able.

Guys:
Dimitri-Kill. Ugh, this breaks my heart to do so, but I like the other two just the littlest bit more. Even though I love Dimitri with his Russian accent and overall sexiness, I just couldn't deal with the constant critiques and instruction. I'm way too stubborn and hate criticism and I think he'd constantly be correcting things, in the bedroom and in a marriage.
Christian-Marry. Jealousy I can deal with and totally understand and this guy's all fire. (Not even talking about his magic abilites, ha!) He's snarky, but honest about how he feels and doesn't let anyone else control his life. He's willing to fight though amongst all the other Moroi nobles and he's pretty much a male Rose. I could definitely deal with that.
Adrian-Fuck. I love his character. He's ridiculously fun from the first moment Rose catches a hint of clove. If he wasn't so codependent on drinking because of the spirit thing, I'd probably be more inclined to marry him, just to be around said awesomeness all the time. But the potential crazy would be rough long term but fantastic for a fling!

Girls:
Rose-Marry. I adore Rose. She's a badass and fights for what she wants. I love her attitude. I would totally fuck her, lol, but marriage wouldn't be impossible. At least you know she would go to the ends of the earth for you.
Lissa- Fuck. I think her character's very deep, but she whines a lot and is very reluctant to stand up for herself. She relies on others (Rose) to protect and take care of her. She could totally be a badass with her powers if she believed in herself, so I say she would be a one night stand or a friends with benefits arrangement depending on where in the story I met her.
Mia- Kill. I kinda have a love hate relationship with her. I started hating her in the beginning of the series cause she was such a bitch, but she grew on me as the series went on. However, I still kinda want to punch her, so I say kill for the annoyance factor.

Guys:

Dimitri- Marry/Fuck. Who doesn't like a western-reading duster-wearing honorable bad ass? I would totally fuck him and maybe marry him. I'm a little reluctant though because of some of the stuff in the later books.
Christian- Kill. While I think he means well, he's kinda annoying at times and I think I could do without him.
Adrian- Marry/Fuck. I adore him. While he doesn't have all his shit together, he's still awesome. I would totally fuck him and potentially marry. He is probably one of my favorite characters.