Saturday, October 18, 2008

what is a lutheran

I don't usually do this, but this time I'm going to reprint some one else's words. This is from Mr. Keillor and I hope I'm not in trouble. I can join in the making the fun of the Lutherans - I are one.

SINGING WITH THE LUTHERANS by Garrison Keillor

I have made fun of Lutherans for years - who wouldn't, if you lived inMinnesota? But I have also sung with Lutherans and that is one of theMain joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet corn.

We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their excessive calm,Their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed and also for theirSecret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like them. IfYou ask an audience in New York City, a relatively Lutheranless place,To sing along on the chorus of Michael Row the Boat Ashore, they willLook daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to theirUnderwear. But if you do this among Lutherans they'll smile and row thatBoat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road! Lutherans are bredFrom childhood to sing in four-part harmony. It's a talent that comesFrom sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass andHearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against thatperson's rib cage. It's natural for Lutherans to sing in harmony. We'reToo modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you'reSinging in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, allTwo hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling moment.

I once sang the bass line of Children of the Heavenly Father in a roomWith about three thousand Lutherans in it; and when we finished, we allHad tears in our eyes, partly from the promise that God will not forsakeUs, partly from the proximity of all those lovely voices. By our joiningIn harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other. I doBelieve this: People, these Lutherans, who love to sing in four-partHarmony are the sort of people you could call up when you're in deepDistress. If you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're lonely,They'll talk to you. And if you're hungry, they'll give you tuna salad!

The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran who,Observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard:

1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked topray out loud.

2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or aHymn with more than four stanzas.

3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, evenIf they don't notify them that they are there.

4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it isTheir way of suffering for their sins.

5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especiallyDuring their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.

6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's choirs would makeThe kids too proud and conceited.

7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisleWhile passing the peace.

8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LCMS groomMake for a mixed marriage.

10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their ownWedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.