Kevin Haas: Have you heard the one about the ...?

Thursday

Oct 29, 2009 at 12:01 AMOct 29, 2009 at 11:04 AM

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve managed to avoid anything that has to do with The Balloon Boy Saga. I did this because I feel I have an innate ability to notice when a news story is going to completely waste my time. If you have the same ability, you’ve probably stopped reading this column by now. But here are some news stories I did waste my time on.

Kevin Haas

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve managed to avoid anything that has to do with The Balloon Boy Saga.

I did this because I feel I have an innate ability to notice when a news story is going to completely waste my time. If you have the same ability, you’ve probably stopped reading this column by now.

But here are some news stories I did waste my time on. I share them with you today because I can tell, just by looking at you, that you have nothing better to do:

A Sicilian man gave new meaning to the phrase “ball and chain” when he asked police to throw him back in prison because house arrest with his wife was too hard, Reuters reported. Police did not oblige. You can tell this story didn’t happen in the U.S. If it had, not only would the man have been forced to stay at home, but it would also have been a reality show.

The New York Times reported a new study on technology and distraction in which only 25 percent of people on a cell phone were able to notice a clown on a unicycle pass them by. This is really the clown’s fault. If he wants today’s generation to notice him, he needs a Facebook page.

Cher’s daughter Chastity Bono gave her first interview Thursday since becoming a man and changing her name to Chaz. It’s one of the rare instances where someone undergoes a complete sex change and still has had less plastic surgery than their mom.