As a woman, I love when rich white men with a chip on their shoulders limit my reproductive rights and tell me that I can’t marry the woman I love. Since I’m still paying for Eve’s first sin, I haven’t yet had the chance to pray the gay away. But I’m sure I’ll be okay once I find a guy to keep me barefoot and pregnant.

Those poor emotional creatures who say otherwise are simply distracted by “shiny objects”, because everybody knows we’re about as important as rims on a car or a Zales commercial.

With that said, I’d like to extend a big thanks to Mitt Romney’s senior campaign adviser for plainly stating exactly what a number of Republican men are thinking. Really, Eric Fehrnstrom, I’m sure angry dudes everywhere want to be you right about now.

“Mitt Romney is pro-life,” the senior adviser told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos last Sunday. “He’ll govern as a pro-life president, but you’re going to see the Democrats use all sorts of shiny objects to distract people’s attention from the Obama performance on the economy. This is not a social issue election.”

Ladies, we need to start thinking about what really matters: keeping rich men rolling in the dough. And if you’re a lesbian like I am, you can go ahead and buy those shiny engagement rings. You just can’t obtain a legally binding union in a vast majority of states. No biggie.

“If it’s not a social issue election then why did Mitt Romney just spend the last year campaigning on social issues?” she asked. “These are his positions that he’s taken. Whether it’s giving bosses control over whether female employees can get contraception, being for the so-called personhood amendment that would ban all forms of abortion or telling the American people that he’ll get back to them on whether he supports Lilly Ledbetter [Fair Pay Act] — which is an economic issue and it should be a no-brainer, but the governor couldn’t even bring himself to be for that.”