Little redneck Suzy sez to daddy, "daddy, can i use the truck tonight?" Daddy sez, sure, but you know what you gotta do." Suzy sez ok, and gets busy. after a few seconds, Suzy sez, "Eww daddy, you taste like ****." daddy sez, "Oh, thats right little girl, your brother has the truck tonight."

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and
came to the conclusion that their New York ancestors already had a
telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed,
California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after,
headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists
have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded
that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, the 'Hemingford Ledger,' a local news paper in
Hemingford, NE., reported the following: "After digging as deep as
30 yards in corn fields near Berea, NE, Larry the Cable Guy, a
self-taught archaeologist and dyed-in-the-wool Husker fan, reported
that he found absolutely nothing. Larry has therefore concluded that
300 years ago, Nebraska had already gone wireless."

Why did god create Adam before he created Eve?
Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around the shop floor. Try as he might to impress him, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought "This should impress him!"
He pointed to a huge machine in the centre of the room and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here, we can put in a pig and out come sausages.
The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"
The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother."

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I took a drink from my can of Bud, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosey-arsed neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
Shut up and fetch the marshmallows!

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides...

What does a man with a 12" penis have for breakfast?
This morning, I had an egg!

hi,3 older ladys were outside the nursing home,sitting on a bench,an older gentleman came walking by,one lady said to him,ill bet i can tell you how old you are,he said,no you cant. the lady said,unbutton your pants,and drop your pants and your shorts,and turn around. so he did,the lady said you are 87 years old. he said,how do you know that? at that,all the ladies started laughing,,she said,we went to your birthday party yesterday....

Why did god create Adam before he created Eve?
Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around the shop floor. Try as he might to impress him, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought "This should impress him!"
He pointed to a huge machine in the centre of the room and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here, we can put in a pig and out come sausages.
The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"
The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother."

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I took a drink from my can of Bud, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosey-arsed neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
Shut up and fetch the marshmallows!

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides...

What does a man with a 12" penis have for breakfast?
This morning, I had an egg!

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

An 18-year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature, distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You try again."
_________________

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