Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life age of death. But it is not the end, I found life in me... again...
!!! Discipline wanteD !!!

Men Are From
Mars, Women Are From Venus. Bahan bacaan yang bagus. Sekadar selingan.

...........

I can’t do this
anymore. I kept wondering what’s the word called in malay to translate things. Let
me just continue in English.

Women are born
with extra emotion than men. That’s a fact. If emotion is a bit too overboard
and exaggerated, let’s use the word sensitive. The definition of sensitive in physics;
registering even a slight change of a condition. The more sensitive an instrument,
the smaller change it can detect. Women are sensitive, in a way that even if one
is slightly higher than another because of a new pair of shoes then we’re able
to detect it. Because we’re sensitive, even small things should be taken into
account. Who should I go shopping with, who should I eat with, who should we tell
things to.

The decision
that we made, we considered two big elements in it; professionalism and
emotion. My opinion, why should we sacrifice either when we can save both?

We can pretty
much share the working environment with everybody, the professional atmosphere.
But when it comes to the emotion, it’s almost impossible to share emotions with
everybody equally. Maybe guys don’t see the significant because guys don’t
share things as much, as frequent as girls do. We talk about EVERYTHING in case
you don’t know.

Housemanship and
clinical years are two completely different settings. We all know housemanship
is the working phase, after graduation. It’s not strange to be separated. Why choose
to separate earlier during clinical when we can still enjoy the campus life.

Talking bout
getting ourselves used to being independent, apart from the environment, it needs skills too. Up to an
individual how to polish the communication skill. And personally at this level, we surely need suitable people to offer moral and emotional support. When our emotions are good, then we're all good.

Getting to know
each other, we’re constantly doing it. But personally I think, knowing people doesn’t
mean you’ll end up close with them. We’re just fine with each other. But believe me,
there are some who’ll still feel inferior with others. I’m talking based on
experience.

One more thing,
asking a justification why we fought so much to save the emotion, it’s like
asking us why we’re born with fertilized karyotype 46XX. That’s just how we
are.

Oh well. There you
go, just my 2 cents.

Anyway, hopefully
things are really settled.

Ps: Not to make things complicated. Just that I love
writing.

Pss: But hey, no heart feelings eh. I'm all good. Hope everyone's all good too :)

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The other day
during our round table, wallahi I had overwhelming thoughts in my head, that I
wish I could spill them all out. But there are 2 things that hold me back,
limit me 1) time and 2) tears.

When I said,
truth is there are many times I felt like I wanna give up on you girls.

It’s not because
any of your faults. It’s my fault instead.

The time I felt
like giving up on you girls was the time when I’m at my lowest.

Those are the
times when I forgot that the relationship that we have is because of Allah.

There are times
when I feel so close to Him. And there are times when I feel so far away for
Him.

And I guess, the
time when I’m far from Him becomes the main reason why I’m far away from people around me.

Starting to
hate, backbite, and hurt others.

Forgive me.

I’m never that
good in expressing myself.

There are things
that I wish I could speak directly to each and every one of you, instead of
writing them on blog, twitter or facebook.

But my
intentions were never to hurt anyone.

And I’m sorry if
I did.

Deeply sorry.

this is dedicated to my
girls, all 29 of you

sometimes
i just acted too weird

sometimes
i could be scary

i may
seem like a pervert

maybe i'm
a bit too unpredictable

one time
i seemed too fragile not knowing what to do

and
another minute i was up to any task i was assigned to so independently

if i were
given a chance

i would,
i could

look into
each and everyone of you in the eyes

just look
and smile

if so
happen i looked at you and smile without saying a word

it's my
very own way to say

'i love
you, and i am glad to have you here'

Ps: I know
someof us are temporarily in a little conflict. It cut me deep seeing people
getting hurt here and there. It cut me deep seeing anyone thinking bad bout
others. I’m sorry for what I’ve done wrong. All I wanna have is one thing called
ukhuwah fillah. Sincerely.

Pss: Tried to
clear things up. But guess I’m no superwoman, and perhaps I made things worse.
Maybe. Maybe I’ve hurt a lot of people because I’m not used to having anyone
being close to me. I’ve always been by myself. Not belonged. Neglected.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Spinning, I wasn't sure
Was it me
Or was it the world around
So I fell on the ground
And the soul too
I can feel the warm earth underneath
I close my eyes
Neither living nor dying
Secretly I pray for hope to arrive

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