A moot Assembly of Heads of State and Governments of the African Union was held by Girl Presidents of African countries in a hall at Anglican Girls Grammar School in Abuja, Nigeria’s political capital.

The current Chair of the African Union, Rwanda’s President Paul Kagame, began the session on a cheerful note by quoting the President of the African Development Bank’s statement that the continent’s GDP had grown by three per cent; that Liberia had elected footballer George Weah as their new president in a free and peaceful election; that Zimbabwe and South Africa had used non-violent party rules to depose and chose successors amid song and dance in the streets; and the Mo Ibrahim Foundation had honoured Ellen Johnson Sirleaf by awarding her its Leadership Prize which is worth 5 million American dollars as reward for a commendable record of rebuilding a Liberia torn by civil war, an Ebola epidemic and endemic corruption.

Sparks started flying when Gabon and Ghana reacted to President Donald Trump’s anal insult of Africa. Gabon claimed that forty years of oil exports from Gabon must have turned to ‘’shit’’ only being guzzled inside America; while Ghana asserted angrily that an estimated two million Ghanaian professionals currently in the United States had built, were not defecating on America’s development. Libya joined Gabon in accusing Obama for pouring hundreds of thousands of bombs on Libya, assassinating Muammar Gadaffi as cameras in Euro-American satellites floating over Libya recorded his killing by hired mobs backed by British Special Forces.

Somali started a brawl with Kenya by accusing its leaders of claiming ownership of oil deposits which are on Somalia’s side of their common border on the Indian Ocean. She accused the widespread brewing by Kenya’s troops in Somalia of local vodka – known as ‘’KILL-ME-QUICK’’. It fed drunkenness among Kenya’s soldiers sent to fight Al-Shabaab fanatics allied to the Taliban. Kenya’s president hit back by recalling the over six hundred thousand Somali refugees in Kenya; Somali police planting bombs in Nairobi and killing students in dormitories while blaming it on Al-Shabaab, and failure by Somali intelligence to detect attacks due to their addiction to chewing KHAAT – narcotic leaves – while on duty.

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Joel Cholo Brooks is a Liberian journalist who previously worked for several international news outlets including the BBC African Service. He is the CEO of the Global News Network which publishes two local weeklies, The Star and The GNN-Liberia Newspapers. He is a member of the Press Union Of Liberia (PUL) since 1986, and several other international organizations of journalists, and is currently contributing to the South Africa Broadcasting Corporation as Liberia Correspondent.