Wonderment...

you know its a wonder people sometimes mask their true emotion...but if i don't release this ia m going to die.

i lost 2 of my friend who were coincidentally brothers, one died in a car accident ad the other 10 months later on the basketball court due to an enlarged heart, undetected.

i lost my sister.......due to stroke....

an aunt....due to old age...

a child....miscarriage

a cousin.....car accident

an just recently my grandmother.

and countless other friends.

i swear shit can't get no worse........i don't even feel the same anymore, i feel like i am in this shit alone. my child deserves more of me but i ca't give my daughter the parts of me that no longer exsist. so shit that forces me to recognize my strength and cultivate what is lost. i know its part of being a woman, so i move on

but i question God......you know peopel tell me when bad things happen its the devil.....i am not fucking dumb, hell i study a lot of different religions so i am not a herb.....i figure if it is believed essentially that God is the universal creator then he is the source of good and evil, and as with all successful things, there must be a balance. but i have lost more than i have gained which makes me a literal target or pessimisim.

i have decided that now i need love to be complete......i have the love of my child ( wish i had more) and self-love, but i long tohave the love of a companion whom i can compliment......share with.....procreate with.

its not required in my life.....hell i will be content alone, but i am just at the point in my life where, i envision togetherness for myself.

but hey an opinon is like an asshole, everybody has one.

just some thoughts of mine.

Has anyone had losses they would like to vent........i'll be your shoulder, no prob.
Peace and Blessings [kissu]