Two Moms, Two Kids: How We Built Our Beautiful Family

Jodi Capeless and Kimberly Galberaith met in 1992 when they were actresses in their 20s. "We were both cast in the play, Nonsense, at a dinner theater in Massachusetts," recalls Jodi. And the couple have been together ever since. In 2004, they became domestic partners, followed by a civil union in 2009. But there was still something missing.

"Kimberly and I have always wanted to be parents," says Jodi. "We knew we would be parents one day — we just didn't know how."

The women decided against one of them carrying a child via IVF. "We wanted to be parents on equal footing — and we didn't know how we would feel if there was more of a bond between our baby and the parent who gave birth," says Jodi, now 49. "And there was no overwhelming need to birth a child." That's when she and wife Kimberly, 48, decided to look into adoption.

Long Path to Parenthood

Jodi and Kimberly initially assumed they would adopt internationally, but many countries, such as China, weren't an option because of their strict limitations, excluding certain prospective parents like single women and same-sex couples. At a loss, they finally found an agency called Adoptions from the Heart online, which worked with parents regardless of sexual orientation. Things started to look up.

"The social worker said from the beginning, 'It's not a matter of if you become a family — it's a matter of when,'" recalls Jodi. "It was extremely encouraging."

Next, they went through the agency's program, including a home study, fingerprinting, classes, and filling out "oodles and oodles" of paperwork. They filled out a profile of themselves, detailing their backgrounds and personalities. The women had chosen open adoption, which meant that birth mothers choosing adoption could read through prospective parents' profiles and decide who was the best fit. "We would come home from a monthly meeting, sit at the dining room table and write and write," says Jodi. "We needed to describe our personalities and what are style of parenting would be."

In 2004, a year after entering the program, Kimberly got a call from their social worker saying a baby girl had been born, and they were chosen as the parents. Fortunately, Jodi was in Babies 'R Us buying a gift for a friend's baby — because they hadn't had any time to prep. She bought a car seat but very little else. "We were cautiously optimistic," Jodi explains.

"It was called emergency placement," she adds. "The birth mom hadn't made an adoption plan prior to giving birth. She wasn't sure what she was going to do." But when the baby came, her birth mother quickly decided to place her for adoption. With almost no notice, the couple headed to Pennsylvania to meet and pick up their newborn daughter.

Bringing Home Baby

At the hospital, Kimberly and Jodi were greeted by their social worker and hospital staff. "Everyone was lovely," says Jodi. "During a class, we were told some hospitals may be resistant towards same-sex couples, but that wasn't the case for us."

After filling out what felt like mountains of paperwork, they donned hospital gowns and caps and were brought into the NICU to meet their daughter, Grace. (She had a little trouble regulating her temp, but was otherwise healthy.) "I turned the corner and saw this precious, teeny-tiny, little nugget of a baby and I just thought, Oh my God! Oh my God!" Jodi recalls. "You're not even really thinking; the moment is overwhelming."

[pullquote]I saw this precious, teeny-tiny baby and just thought, Oh my God! The moment is overwhelming."[/pullquote]

Because of New Jersey adoption laws, they were unable to leave Pennsylvania for 72 hours. During that time window, the birth mom has the opportunity to change her mind. "That was excruciating," says Jodi. "When we got the call we could leave, we got out of there as fast as we could."

Before the adoption was finalized, they went through six months of visits from a social worker at home in New Jersey. "At that point, you go to court and the judge says 'You're a forever family,'" Jodi says. "That's when I fell apart. I didn't realize how much I had been holding in."

Jodi and Kimberly meeting their daughter Grace for the first time.

Courtesy of Jodi Capeless

Another Addition

Two years later, in 2006, they went through the process again and welcomed a baby boy, Jack, into their family. This time around was extremely different: After Jack was born, Jodi, Kimberly, and Grace, then 2, met the birth mom and spent hours getting to know her. "I think this birth mom chose us because she wanted a sibling for her child," says Jodi. "Grace was so excited to meet her baby brother that she sneezed on him and I thought, Oh jeeze, great!" Before the Capeless family left with Jack, his birth mom took a private moment to say goodbye.

When the family of four settled in back home, Jodi and Kimberly faced a rude awakening. Grace had been an easy baby — her little brother was decidedly not.

Born prematurely at only 5 pounds, Jack required constant, round-the-clock care. After feedings, he needed to be held, propped up for an extended period of time or he'd throw up. He didn't walk until he was 19-months-old and had delayed speech. He needed eye surgeries, too, which Jodi says is common for preemies. She admits, "We were not prepared for those kinds of delays and stress."

But today, 9-year-old Jack is completely caught up — and taller than his big sister. The moms say Grace, 11, was a big part of helping him grow healthy and strong. "She was quite the helper and she did everything for her baby brother," says Jodi.

Now, the siblings are very "thick," Jodi adds. "Jack doesn't like to be without her. They're super close. They fight like any other siblings one minute and then are best friends the next – it's a very normal brother-sister relationship."

Courtesy of Jodi Capeless

Celebrating Their Family's Story

Each year, the agency has an annual barbecue in Pennsylvania where adoptive parents can invite their children's birth parents. The Capeless family always makes the annual trip, but it wasn't until Grace was five that her birth mom attended. "This woman walked up to me and I was thinking, Is that one of my former students? Why does she seem so familiar?" Jodi recalls. "She looked like my daughter!"

The women embraced. "She was shaking. I was shaking," says Jodi. "I can't guess what the emotions were like for her."

When Grace ran over, Jodi and Kimberly told her this was her birth mom. A typical 5-year-old, Grace simply said, "Hi, OK," Jodi says. They hugged and took pictures. The birth mother stayed for hours, watching Grace play, eat, and have fun. That was the last time they saw her.

[pullquote]A woman walked up to me. Is that one of my former students? Why does she seem so familiar? She looked like my daughter!"[/pullquote]

The family has yet to reconnect with Jack's birth mom in-person. But Jodi and Kimberly send yearly updates and photos to the birth mothers, though they don't usually get a reply.

Grace and Jack do wonder about their birth fathers, too. "We don't have many answers or any information on them," Jodi explains. "But they were obviously smart, funny, talented and handsome men. So we find honesty works."

They've also dealt with a few questions from the children, both African American, about their race. "When the kids were little they had questions about their skin color being different than ours, but it wasn't anything that seemed to bother them," says Jodi.

But the kids have never really asked about why they have two moms, instead of a mom and a dad. It helps, Jodi says, that they live in a community where there are other gay parents. She and Kimberly are also very involved at Grace and Jack's school, so their kids' classmates know them and refer to them as "the moms." In 2014, after same-sex marriage was recognized in New Jersey, Jodi and Kimberly were legally married. "We had the wedding at home — just the four of us," she remembers. "Grace made a cake and Jack decorated."

As Grace and Jack grow, Jodi and Kimberly continue to approach parenting with their trademark honesty — starting with celebrating the fact that they were adopted. "We've always been very open with them about their adoptions, telling those stories at bedtime, the same as Good Night, Moon," Jodi says, adding they couldn't be happier about the way they've built their family. "I tell everyone, if you want to adopt, just do it!"

This story is part of an ongoing Good Housekeeping series of stories about adoption and foster care.

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