Gosh, have you lost your appetite yet? Sorry. I have a tendency to do that to people.

What I was trying to tell you was, I had a long grocery list of things to pick up after church yesterday, as that’s usually when I pick up what I need to cook during the following week. I had grand plans for many suppers: stews, casseroles, and other savory dinners…but there was only one problem: I’d worn a black suit to church. I’d worn a black suit to church because my muscular, cut, sexy, tan arms have been on vacation for the past 39 years and I’m beginning to think they’re never coming back. They’re over in Brazil, on some tiny Brazilian woman, enjoying their day in the sun.

So. Black suit. Long sleeves. “All Season Wool”, which, in my part of the country, means that if you wear it after July 4th, you’d better carry along a bottle of water, an ice pack and an oxygen tank because you’ll spend all your time sweltering, which is precisely what I did all during church. And after I prayed for muscular, cut, sexy, tan arms, I left church and went to the store, and by that time I couldn’t even THINK about cooking hot, steamy food in a hot, steamy kitchen. Psychologically, emotionally, gastrointestinally, there was only one thing on earth I could think of to eat.

It was this delicious bagel sandwich, piled high with cool, crisp vegetables and plenty of flavorful cheese. I once made it for my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and our friend, Lindy, when the four of us took it upon ourselves five or so years ago to transform an old cowboy house next to my house into our ranch office. We were scraping and painting and doing all sorts of other things women should never be required to do, and when lunchtime came around I darted across the driveway to my house to make everyone a bite. Marlboro Man was at the farm that week and I had NOTHING in my kitchen—nothing, save for some bagels and a little cheese in my fridge. But I also had veggies in my garden—cucumbers and tomatoes, along with some chives. It was a stifling hot day, so the coolness of the sandwich was just the ticket for us desperate, hungry women. The other three ladies sainted me instantly. It was a real kick!

Okay, I’m done talking now. I’m not going to talk anymore. I have now stopped talking. See? I’m not talking anymore. I am now, instead, going to prepare this (a slightly more storebought) version of the sandwich I made five years ago. So I’m going to have to talk, I guess.

First thing we’re going to do is make the special sauce. Special spread. Special…oh, whatever. It’s special, okay?

Place 1/2 block cream cheese on a plate and mash it a bit with a fork.

We’re just doing this to make it a little more spreadable.

Now grab two or three scallions/green onions and lop off the tops.

Slice up some of the white part…

Then turn it around and slice up some of the green part. How much green onion you use is entirely up to you.

After that, give the onions a quick chop to break up the pieces at bit.

Now just throw the onions on top of the cream cheese…

And mash it together until it’s thoroughly combined. Keep in mind that green onions are pretty dadgum strong. But I like ‘em that way. Just like I like my men. Man. Whatever.

Next, let’s slice all our veggies.

This is one of the first ripe tomatoes I’ve had this year. And it makes me want to write a sonnet.

And next year, people, let me warn you: You are all going to plant at least one tomato plant. You WILL do it—I shall see to it. Because a tomato straight off the vine? Well, it’s…it’s…it’s a tomato straight off the vine. I want you all to experience it at least once.

The thing about homegrown tomatoes is, you never know what you’re gonna get once you slice it open. It’s like opening a present.

And believe me, you won’t want any of it to go to waste, as my tooth marks will demonstrate.

Go ahead and slice it up and set it aside.

Now grab a cucumber and slice it pretty thinly.

Guess what? I didn’t get this from my garden. I got it from the store.

Now lop off the top of a red onion. Stop for a moment and wonder why they don’t call them PURPLE onions. Scratch your head. Look at the ceiling.

Then slice the onion, purple or red or whatever, as thinly as you can. Call me a wuss, but I just can’t handle thick slices of raw onions. They make me want to hurl and chew a whole pack of Doublemint gum.

Now grab the avocado and cut it in half lengthwise.

Then twist it to open it up.

Now take a spoon and run it inside along the flesh and the hard skin. Remove the flesh in one piece.

Now make thin slices. And try not to eat them all.

Hello, my beautiful lovers. You are cool and crisp and delightful.

And now for the first secret ingredient: Muenster Cheese. Oh dear, oh my, oh wow. If you haven’t yet become obsessed with Muenster Cheese, it’s time to start today. It’s readily available in the normal, non-fancy cheese section of the grocery store. This is Sargento brand. Not that I’m a namedropper or anything—I’m just trying to share the love.

And now for the second secret ingredient: Cheddar Cheese. Oh wow, oh my, oh dear. I don’t know what it is, but the Cheddar and the Muenster together? I think it’s a combination created by angels.

Back to the veggies, wash and pat dry a few pieces of lettuce. Any variety is fine.

Now go split one of the bagels. Any bagel is fine, but I love the grainy nuttiness of the Everything Bagel.

Split it. Then toast it. Then let it cool completely. Toasting it gives it the perfect crunch, flavor, and texture.

Once the bagel is totally cool, generously spread on the cream cheese.

This’ll add a real burst of flavor to the vegetables.

Now it’s time to get serious!

Lay a few hundred slices of avocado right along the cream cheese.

Now set some alfalfa sprouts on top. And gosh, let’s talk about alfalfa sprouts for a second. I used to be afraid of them because my mom and all her country club friends ate them all the time in their pita bread sandwiches and I thought they tasted like grass. But now? Well, they still taste like grass. But in a really good way!

And it amazes me that these tiny little sprouts will eventually wind up in our hay barn. I’ll let you think about that for a minute.

And now for the CHEESE, baby. Lay on a slice of Muenster.

Next, lay on a slice of cheddar. I like to turn it 45 degrees so it’s not laying directly on top of the Muenster. It looks prettier, less symmetrical, and as a result, your mind tricks you into thinking it tastes better. I LOVE it when my mind does that!

Now grab the other half of the bagel and arrange the cucumber slices in a circle.

I’ve got a method to this madness. See, the cucumbers and the avocado always slip and slide out of sandwiches the easiest. So by placing them directly against the cream cheese, you’re cementing them to the sandwich.

See? I know what I’m talking about at least 1/1000897th of the time.

Next, because cucumbers don’t come salted, I usually sprinkle them with just a tiny bit of salt. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

Now, place some red onion slices on top of the cucumbers. I go pretty light on the raw onion, but you can lay it on thick if you want.

Next come two tomato slices, followed by a piece of lettuce.

And okay, another piece of Muenster. Trust me—you’d miss that second piece of Muenster.

Put the halves together. Now stop and look at what you have created.

Here, let me turn it around and show you a different view. Beautiful, isn’t it? There’s just not much about this sandwich that I don’t want to marry.

Cutting it in half requires a wicked-sharp knife. I would normally use my long, serrated bread knife, but someone stole mine recently. And okay, nobody stole it but that’s a lot better than acknowledging that I misplaced it myself. I mean, where does one misplace a fourteen-inch serrated knife? How many different possible locations could it be?

Oh good land of our great mother of perpetual motion…will you take a look at THIS?

Oh, and here’s a tip: one half of this baby is plenty.

And here’s another tip: Don’t be fixing it for your first date with someone. It’s rather tall, and requires you to open your mouth really wide to fit it all in. And you never know when the wayward sprout will drop out.

I’m just trying to save you some embarrassment here.

Just stick close to me, and you’ll never be embarrassed about another thing in your life.

Preparation Instructions

Place ½ a block of cream cheese on a plate and mash it a bit with a fork. Next, chop up 2-3 green onions and mix them with the cream cheese until thoroughly combined.

Slice all veggies (tomatoes, cucumbers, avocados, red onions) thinly.

Slice bagel in half. Spread the cream cheese generously on both sides of the bagel.

Layer the vegetables. First lay the avocados right along the cream cheese to help them stay put. Next the alfalfa sprouts and then one slice of each kind of cheese. On the other half of the bagel arrange the cucumber slices in a circle.

Sprinkle the cucumbers with a pinch of salt if you would like.

Next lay the onion slices on top of the cucumbers, then the tomatoes, followed by a slice of lettuce, and if you’re feeling naughty, another slice of Muenster cheese.

Put the whole thing together and Voila! A cool, crisp, and deliciously fabulous Veggie and Cheese Bagel Sandwich.

Yummy! Thank you. Just the picture of you in church brought back memories from black heels to tractor wheels. Wasn’t it a yellow outfit, in the bathroom on the second floor of your MIL’s home? You’re a riot!

16

Randi from Hilton Head On Monday, July 28 at 6:26 am

I hate raw red onion too, but mixed with the rest of these lovely vegetables, I can tolerate it and the sandwich would not be the same without it. Good Morning!

17

Kymra On Monday, July 28 at 6:27 am

Looks yummy, I like how you use the fresh chive with the cream cheese. I always buy the already mixed kind.
I know, I’m such a wench!

18

Pat On Monday, July 28 at 6:28 am

Great looking sandwich! And I love muenster cheese…it’s my favorite. As I was scrolling along, reading each caption, I was really looking forward to watching you put the two halves of the bagel together after piling them both so high! You skipped that picture!!!

19

Tina On Monday, July 28 at 6:28 am

Looks awesome! I’ve got to say I just love your website. I think it’s the combination of the photo’s and your writing.

Keep up the good work!

From Atlanta,
Tina

20

Gillian On Monday, July 28 at 6:28 am

You know what I did ?

I bought a bit of brisket from the supermarket as i saw it on offer and in the deep dark confines of my brain I remembered the P-Dub had done a recipe for it.

What next ?

Oh yes – I come online to get the recipe all excited and that. I read the list of ingredients. Uh-oh. What in the world is liquid smoke? What is it – why is it – who is it ? And guess what – whatever it is we don’t have it in the (as it was that day) rainy freezing cold Cambridge, England. But am I going to let a little glitch like that stop me ? NO ! I AM NOT! I go on ebay and order some from the US of A. Yes, you heard me. That’s what I did. I must get out more.

Anyroadup – it arrived today. Three bottles of the stuff (don’t ask, it’s do with postage and my thrifty nature, yes that’s right so thrifty I not only ordered in from America, I ordered 3 bottles of it).

Janet On Monday, July 28 at 6:29 am

Ha! “Cucumbers don’t come salted”, too funny. Anyway, if I hop on a plane now, I can be at your place for lunch. I’ll bring the bagels. This looks delish and just the thing for these hot, humid Eastern Shore days. I’d jump in the Chesapeake Bay, but I’m afraid a crab will get me. Thanks, P-Dub.

Hmmmm. This is basically a “Leonardo DiVeggie” sandwich from Brueggers Bagel Bakery (they use a garlic veggie cream cheese).

But then, you probably don’t have a Brueggers Bagel on your ranch – or within 100 miles of it. Ours is just a stone’s throw away from our Starbucks. Don’t be jealous. Every time I enjoy my Starbucks, I say a toast to the Pioneer Woman.

Jennifer On Monday, July 28 at 6:37 am

I’m drooling at the monitor and I haven’t even had my morning cup a joe yet! This looks really delicious. I have never been able to make a sandwhich that looked that purdy!

26

Marlene On Monday, July 28 at 6:42 am

Come to my office and bring me lunch, please? This sandwich looks devine and must be made sometime this week by me, creater of the lunches for my household. Oh, by the way, yeah…I’ve made the yogurt cake three times now, and it is my family’s favorite cake hands down. I have played with different jams and preserves each time and last night I made it with apple butter…the final verdict? There is none left. My family never wants you to go anywhere…ever. Their culinary happiness is a direct result of your website.

Not to mention the wayward sprouts that will end up in your TEETH! I could eat 5 of that sandwich, especially because I seem to have an aversion to meat right now.

Speaking of aversions, how’s that sister of yours’ pregnancy going?

31

valerie pyland On Monday, July 28 at 6:51 am

I love bagels for sandwiches, too. Yours looks awesome. Also, I have made my kid an egg in a hole for the 5 th day running. He says “those people made good recipes”! I think I’ll go make one for myself, as well!

32

Southern Gal On Monday, July 28 at 6:52 am

It looks delicious. With 98 degree weather and humidity thick enough to choke a horse, it looks like something I would fix TODAY…without the red onion because even thin slices of raw onion make me want to hurl.

I love bagel sandwiches and this one looks perfect! I’ve made wraps using this same technique and they are very good too if you aren’t a big “bread” eater. Not sure why anyone wouldn’t be because, personally, I love bread but still … there might some people out there like that ..lol. Seriously, a veggie wrap is TDF … try it sometime if you haven’t already.

I love everything about this sandwich, right down to the Everything bagel – my favorite!

Oh, and I USED to have tomato plants. Grew up having them, I know the bliss of home-grown ‘maters, and I tried and tried to grow them in my teeny, tiny yard, right down to my last hurrah in containers. But THOSE DARNED SQUIRRELS! I would watch for the first red tomato, run out back, and there would be a BITE out of it!!!! Yuck. So, alas, I gave up. I get my ‘maters from the Farmers Market now – next best thing!

Mmm mmm, that looks delicious. Although since I live in Northern Ireland and it is rarely hot here I’ll probably end up serving it with soup. And I’d probably add pickles – In my world no sandwich is complete without pickles! Please excuse me, I’m off to get some bagels now . . .

37

Nancy On Monday, July 28 at 6:57 am

The sammy looks yummy, but I have to say Ree, you always make me laugh out loud even if it is only 7:50 am on a Monday morning and I have along dreadful week ahead. I thank you and I think I love you. Tee hee.

Nancy

38

deb On Monday, July 28 at 6:59 am

Yummmmm

39

ranchmum On Monday, July 28 at 7:01 am

Looks delicious!
I sympathize with your having to grocery shop on Sundays. I do my grocery shopping after church on Sundays also, as it is our only trip to town during the week.

DeLynn On Monday, July 28 at 7:11 am

Erin H On Monday, July 28 at 7:16 am

Yummo! That looks like the mother of all cheese sandwiches! Must buy everything bagels, cream cheese and avacados at the store tomorrow! Yay! One meal planned!

But – how did you manage the self control to not eat the entire first-picked tomato from your garden? I mean, seriously? Warm and off the vine? My family knows better than to expect that first tomato! And you shared yours with us? What a woman!

I’m not a huge veggie fan but this looks delicious! I just may have to try this out on my kids.

48

Lisa M On Monday, July 28 at 7:25 am

Ree this looks fabulous…gotta go shoppin’…it’s going to be 100 here tomorrow then we get lots of humidity to go with it – sweltering is all you can call it. This will be perfect after being out in the heat most of the day.

49

Marla K On Monday, July 28 at 7:26 am

MMM… Veggies and bagels, my two favorite things. Looks delicious. What a delicious thing to do with all my veggies from the Farmer’s market. Thanks Ree!

My favorite veggie sandwich was from a ‘local restaurant’ I used to work at: except use rye bread and fry it in butter first-BOTH sides, then pile on all the fixin’s you mentioned- plus fresh sliced mushrooms (the one I loved didn’t have avocados, but that would have been a nice touch). then top it with blue cheese dressing! Not as nice for hot weather, but it sure was yummy! thanks for makin’ my mouth water first thing when there isn’t a THING I can do about it.

51

Plano Mom On Monday, July 28 at 7:28 am

105 here yesterday, and I agree this is about the best sandwich ever when it’s hot. It’s also delish on sourdough. I used to make these for a vegetarian friend of mine, and 20 years later he still calls me one of his best friends.

Bridget On Monday, July 28 at 7:30 am

I have never eaten a bagel sandwich because I know that when I squeeze it to take a bite, all the wonderful insides will drop out opposite me. I might have to try all that goodness on toast, instead. Or, maybe, I will get courageous and go for the bagel!

Call me stupid but until you just mentioned it, I never made the connection between the alfalfa sprouts in the produce section and the alfalfa in the hay barn…and I have horses for cryin’ out loud. Thank you for today’s light-bulb moment.

Brandy On Monday, July 28 at 7:36 am

This looks great! I have a garden this year with 4 big tomato plants, and will need plenty of ideas for all of the tomatoes I will have coming! (We’re in Maine, so veggies aren’t quite ripe here yet!) I also have cucumbers! Thanks for the recipe! Since we don’t have A/C in Maine, it’s also nice to have non-cooking ideas!

60

Rachel On Monday, July 28 at 7:37 am

Have you tried using humuus as a sandwich/bagel spread?? It works really well!

this looks pretty darn good right now. i wish i had some of this stuff because i’m starving.

62

Beanbean On Monday, July 28 at 7:38 am

That looks YUMMY! BTW, I grew up calling that sort of onion either purple onion or bermuda onion. I never heard it called a red onion until I moved to California and then I wonder why everyone did that. Weird.

As much as I love grilled meats in the summer, a garden fresh vegetarian dinner sometimes really hits the spot. This has some of the same flavors as your “favorite” sandwich which I love.http://prudencepennywise.blogspot.com/

peggy On Monday, July 28 at 7:41 am

That looks perfect for a summer day. Alas, here in Seattle it’s pretty tough to grow tomatoes (not enough warmth/sun); we had tomato plants on our deck for years and finally gave it up last year. But I having grown up in IL I remember real tomatoes straight from the garden.

71

Betsey On Monday, July 28 at 7:42 am

We make a very similar sandwich…

Cut a pita in half to make pockets. Spread hummus inside pocket. Add slices of red onion, cucumber, tomato, lettuce…really whatever veggies you have around and feel like adding. If you’re feeling decadent, add some sliced olives. Sprinkle in a little feta cheese. Then add the secret sauce – plain yogurt with a little lemon juice, dill, and salt. Yum.

Chagrin On Monday, July 28 at 7:43 am

Thanks for planning out lunch for me! Saves me from having to exert any brainpower this early in the morning. Now, back to my regularly scheduled coffee slurping.

76

Liz-RedApron On Monday, July 28 at 7:47 am

I agree with Becky (#67). As a former cheese head, now in Jersey, they DO have the best tomatoes. Slap some Mayo on bread, layer with fresh tomatoes and muesnter = Heaven

We also love muenster cheese. When my punk was a toddler, he’d help me order at the deli “Monster cheese, please”. He’s now several inches taller than me (must be all that muenster) and still calls it Monster cheese.

Ree, I have the biggest possible girl-crush on you. The next time you’re anywhere near Atlanta, come by my house and we can cook. And drink wine. And talk about how we have both managed to misplace 14″ serrated bread knives.

78

Wendy On Monday, July 28 at 7:49 am

I have that every weekday for lunch. One day I got the idea to marinate the cukes, tomato, avocado and onions in rice vinegar and garlic. OMG — amazing!! I also make 10 grain whole wheat bread to put it on instead of the bagels.

corrie On Monday, July 28 at 7:51 am

our family owns the only jewish bakery still making all of its doughs by hand. this exact sandwich is equally good on pumpernickel bread!! a favourite of ours. when we eat it on a bagel we call it an israeli bagel. this film tells the story of how the bakery first started in the ukraine in the early 1900 and is still being run here in ottawa 100 years later by the same family,

The sandwich, looks yummy. I’m afraid it would have to be a lunch with just me and kiddos, however. The Man Beast wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole – no meat and the sprouts. I just know he’s missin’ out.

While black wool suits provide inspiration for cool, yummy sandwiches, you should go to church in comfy clothes. You’re among friends, after all.

Yummy! I used to make these for lunch all the time when I worked for the YMCA camps during summers in college. It really does help in ridiculous heat. I called it a Salad Sandwich and got all the other counselors hooked.

Thanks for the tip to add the cheese, though!

84

Andrea On Monday, July 28 at 7:55 am

LOVE the heart in the center of the tomato!
I see hearts in nature many places and have a wonderful collection of heart shaped rocks.
I agree with you about the red (purple) onions. I think I am going to begin to call them “purple onions”.
Love your blog.
Anjoy your musings, humor, recipes, and photos very much.

85

GlendaD On Monday, July 28 at 7:56 am

As Wendy above said marinated in rice vinegar or put the whole thing on the panini grill – YUM to the max
Blessings and prayers for you all

86

Jill G. On Monday, July 28 at 7:57 am

You’re a good friend.

87

Anonymous On Monday, July 28 at 7:57 am

Looking good. I love bagels and when my hubby and I were first married and totally broke bagel sandwiches were a staple. I love your blog and would give you my blog address but I know you are too busy and important to read anything written by my sorry arse, but I’m so glad I happened upon yours.

Those aren’t necessarily veggies I’m big on, but I’m learning to like them a little. And it’s so dang hot here I’m willing to try almost anything that doesn’t require me cooking & heating up the house. I’ve never tried muenster either, but I’m game because I love cheese! Gotta add some things to my grocery list for this morning now!

90

cybercita On Monday, July 28 at 7:58 am

but ree! you didn’t show my favorite trick, which is getting the pit out of the avocado {i amazed a dinner guest with this last week}. hit the pit sharply with your knife, which will cause the blade to sink in a bit. then twist the knife, and the pit will pop right out. then knock the pit against the counter, and it will fall right off of the blade.

if it’s any consolation, i lift weights quite frequently, really heavy ones for a girl, and even do bench presses two or three times a week, and my arms are still not that great. i wear sleeveless anyway because i feel that i deserve to after all that work.

91

Michelle On Monday, July 28 at 8:02 am

Yumo! This reminds me of something from http://www.einsteinbros.com/
I absolutely LOVE bagel sandwiches but its a rare treat when I get to have one since my husband thinks of them as fru-fru pansy ass real men don’t eat stuff like that and where’s the meat? Thanks for the inspiration to go ahead and make myself one at home and said husband can just make himself a sloppy joe!

92

Pupydogs On Monday, July 28 at 8:04 am

looks great!
never considered a veggie bagel sandwich before. I will have to see what I’ve been missing.

Hey when are we going to see the next chapter in your love story? I check daily and its been over a month since the last one. As you can see, I WANT to read the next chapter cause i need to find out what happens…..I’m addicted….please? help?

93

Kristine in GA On Monday, July 28 at 8:04 am

Ree,
Have you tried Vidalia Onions? http://www.vidaliaonion.org/ They are a sweet onion grown in Vidalia, Georgia and are, in this southern girl’s opinion, the best onion on the planet.

Ooo that looks soo good! But as I am not that big on some of those veggies (sprouts,lettuce,avacado and the onions) I don’t know if I will even enjoy this, but I am damn well gonna try! If I don’t eat it, my youngest definately will…I guess I can learn a few things from her hahaha!

Dana On Monday, July 28 at 8:07 am

I agree with you about everyone planting at least one tomato plant! This year in the garden, we simply have planted what we use the most… tomatoes, peppers, and every herb under the sun. It makes life easy. And the garden is the most beautiful thing in the yard!

Saturday, April 4: Freezer Fundamentals! While ranch work is going on outside, freezer work is going on inside! I share four more of my favorite freezer basics, which can be made into a whole bunch of different meals.