BBC admits Pudsey ‘faked eye-injury’

In the latest of the series of scandals rocking the BBC, Director General Mark Thompson today admitted that Pudsey bear, iconic figurehead of the Children in Need appeal, had no eye problems whatsoever. His apparent injury was faked in an attempt to win sympathy and extract more money from the big-hearted British general public.

In a stunned press conference at BBC TV Centre he went on to confess that Pudsey was also ‘not a real bear’ and just a made-up character specifically designed to appeal to impressionable young children. ‘We deeply apologise to everyone who has been misled into donating over the years, in the belief that they are helping to restore sight to real one-eyed bears. We are looking into the possibility of refunding the hundreds of millions of pounds given since Pudsey first appeared in 1985.’

The damaging story comes at the end of a week of scandals that have rocked the BBC, including the revelation that Terry Wogan’s hair was faked and that Saturday Kitchen was filmed on a Friday, and in the lounge. The BBC News reported that the Queen herself was furious about the Pudsey bear revelations although the footage of her looking angry was in black and white and showed her standing next to her mother.

In an effort to win back viewers who have been put off by a week of damaging publicity the BBC has unveiled a competition in which voters can vote for what they think has been this week’s most embarassing scandal. Calls cost £1 and the winner will be announced whilst lines are still open.