Lindsay Lohan Might Be Trading Stilettos for Cement Shoes (VIDEO)

So remember when we told you about how Lindsay Lohan went to a party where a bunch of expensive jewelry allegedly vanished? And we were kind of like, hey, who knows, maybe she really is a jewelry theft kingpin? But, ha ha, LiLo wasn't an official suspect or anything. We were just saying, ha ha, she so crazy!

Uhhh, guess what? The LAPD has named Lindsay Lohan an official suspect in the theft of $100,000 in watches and accessories from the Hollywood Hills home of Sam Magid. Ha ha, she so crazy! (Allegedly.) And, as with all stories involving Lindsay Lohan, this one gets even crazier: Magid suddenly changed his tune, telling police that nothing was stolen from his party after all -- whoops, his bad! Never mind, LAPD! But the LAPD was like, Dude. No takesie-backsies, okay? Because they supposedly have witnesses who saw Lohan and her assistant commit the crime (allegedly), hence LiLo's official suspect status.

See, as Lohan explained to Magid, she hid a bunch of his most valuable items around the house because "she was afraid they would be stolen by burglars." Except of course for the expensive items she hid ... in her t-shirt. Which she then (allegedly) stuffed in a bag and gave to her two male companions (one of whom, Andrew Knight, claims to be Suge Knight's son).

At least she's pretty sure that's what happened, but she was a little "hazy" at the time on account of the Ambien. Anyway, probably it was all Andrew Knight's fault.

Wait, wait, wait. First she said it never happened, then it sort of happened, but it's not her problem, cause she was all "hazy" on LEGAL drugs, thank you very much, and why don't you just blame her friend here who conveniently makes a very convincing thug? (Oh yeah, by the way, Andrew Knight is NOT happy about this mess.)

And all of this after Magid dropped the accusations (because somebody made him an offer he couldn't refuse, I assume?). Now the good guys and the bad guys both are pissed at Little Miss Hazy.

I'm afraid Lindsay Lohan's only hope at this point is the witness protection program.