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No one would ever accuse West End apartment dweller Iris Dias of being neighbourly.

“It already feels like I’ve lost a piece of privacy living in an apartment,” said Dias, 31, a public relations professional who describes herself as a “really private person.”

“So to give up more of that and get to know my neighbours ... really feels a little bit too invasive for me,” she explained. “Also I never have sugar and I don’t want them coming over and asking for sugar.”

Dias said she has no problem chatting casually with neighbours in an elevator, but feels no desire to learn their names or which unit they live in.

“You already hear so much of their lives, especially your immediate next-door neighbours. I don’t need to put ... a face to all the noise that I’m hearing, be it arguments or sexy times or anything like that.”

About a third of Metro residents, like Dias, have little interest in getting to know their neighbours, according to a Vancouver Foundation study on community connections released earlier this week.

Relationships with neighbours, when they exist at all, tend to be superficial, said the Vancouver Foundation’s Catherine Clement.

“Of course there’s always exceptions and blocks ... which are very different, but in general we have these cordial relationships [that are] not very deep,” she said. “We kind of hear this lament from people about wanting to feel closer to their neighbours.”

Three-quarters of Metro residents know the first names of at least two immediate neighbours, the survey suggests, but about the same proportion of respondents said they have never had their neighbours over or been invited socially to a neighbour’s residence. A little more than half (57 per cent) have never done a favour for a neighbour such as collecting their newspaper or watering plants while they are away, a figure that jumps to 77 per cent among those who live in highrises.

When asked about the obstacles to getting to know people on their street or floor, the highest number of people said it was because they seldom see them, followed by a lack of interest in getting to know them. Just five per cent cited language as a barrier.

Residents of apartments and condos were the least likely to know their neighbours’ names and among the least likely to socialize with neighbours or know where their spare key is, according to an analysis of the survey results by Sentis Research. People who live in suites in houses generally reported even less engagement with neighbours.

This may suit people like Dias fine, but Surrey residents Dean and Amanda Inglis wish the residents of their Guildford-area apartment complex were a bit more social.

“It feels to me like people almost seem like they’re kind of scared to try to have a sense of community for some reason,” said Dean. “It’d be kind of nice if it had that ... homey-type feeling.”

Amanda said she doesn’t trust her neighbours primarily because she doesn’t know them. After working full time, looking after her children and taking care of household chores, “there’s just not a lot of time to be social,” she said.

She would certainly not feel comfortable asking any of her neighbours to watch her two young children for five minutes, nor would she let them play in common areas of the complex without supervision. In their last complex, events like backyard barbecues brought people together and Amanda said that while she has asked her current building manager about arranging something similar, little has come of it.

When asked what prevents people in the complex from being social beyond a quick hello in the hallway, Amanda chalked it up to a fear of rejection.

“I think maybe it’s a fear of the unknown ... Am I going to be met with the same sort of enthusiasm saying, ‘Hey, I’d like to get to know you’ or am I going to get a door slammed in my face?”

There is some risk involved in putting yourself out there, but it’s worth taking if it helps build the kind of neighbourhood you want to live in, said Commercial Drive-area resident Inge Mueller-Langer, who said she knows almost all her neighbours.

One of Mueller-Langer’s passions is gardening and when she is in the front yard tending the plants, she will greet almost everyone who walks by on the street and strike up a conversation.

“It’s sort of a willingness to try and a willingness to take a risk. I’ve always been that kind of a person, so I’m willing to try,” she said, adding that it doesn’t always work and she’s had some bad experiences. But “I so don’t want to live in a place where it’s not okay to do that,” she said.

Mueller-Langer believes that a galvanizing event can be the catalyst for getting people out of their individual homes and talking. This happened in her neighbourhood last year when the Vancouver park board wanted to cut down 30 elm trees lining East Sixth Avenue.

Many residents had moved to the street partly because of the trees and were passionate about saving them, Mueller-Langer said. It was a tiring process fraught with endless meetings, but in the end the group was able to sit down with the park board and hammer out an agreement. In the end, only nine of the trees were cut down and new seedlings planted.

In the process, Mueller-Langer said, she met many people — including one who has become a good friend — that she would have never otherwise encountered.

“A common passion ... will force people out of their shells and will force them to put a step forward,” she said.

“If people just tried to maybe take a little step even just in their ... neighbourhood, whatever it might be; making sure that that homeless guy gets a meal and let’s all take turns.

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