The socialist Obamacare bill has conservative columnists scrambling for any lame historical analogy …
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Sure, the American Enterprise Institute kicked you to the curb for being a turncoat and you're probably feeling blue, but they're a bunch of pussies anyway. A little shake-up could do them some good. In honor of your new found freedom, here are a handful of things you could do to get back on top where you belong.

• Write a tell-all. OK, so you wrote a book about GW Bush called The Right Man, but everyone knows that was a bunch of ass-kissy bullshit. It's time to really tell it all. You can start with something like this: Yeah, George W. Bush was an illiterate moron, so I plugged the ‘Axis of Evil' thing into his State of the Union address to really set things off around the world. There, I said it. And did I mention that Rush Limbaugh is a dickhead? Now get off my nuts.

• Fight Rush. Yeah, he's big and angry and probably loaded on all sorts of nice drugs, but you can take him, Dave! You did once call him "the stereotype of self-indulgence," so it's time to finish what you started. And just think of the publicity.

• Make friends with North Korea's Kim Jong-Il. Nothing would say "fuck you" to the GOP like pulling a Jimmy Carter and getting down with a regime you once labeled a part of the Axis of Evil. Kim has expensive taste in scotch and likes strippers. You really can't lose here, Dave.

• Start a charity. What better way to show you really do have a heart and don't mind all of the talk about you being a warmonger than running a nice little NGO? Start with something simple, like an orphanage in Iraq, maybe? You figure that one out.

So there you go, Mr. Frum. Sadly, it's hard to imagine any of these things coming true. A good guess would put you in line for, say, a guest blogger spot at The Huffington Post? But don't say you weren't advised!