Most of my friends, like me, were between 35 and 45, and we are
not the usual cancer demographic. The median age of breast cancer patients, for
example, is 61.

Most of my friends had little experience with cancer and we
all fumbled around for what to do and say to each other -- me as the patient
and them as the caregivers.

We learned
and worked our way through it.

The importance of holding spaceWhen I was in treatment, I learned that the thing that was
the biggest help to me, other than food, was when people held space with me.
Sitting with me and not talking a lot, just being there.Or, on the phone, it was a relief when
someone would say, "That must be so hard. I'm here for you."

That is what I attempt to do when I know someone who is
going through cancer treatment.

Holding space is hard, though, because we want
to take away the fear and pain. It isn't ours to take. We also project our own
fears of mortality onto others' situations. I think that's where the "I know
you'll be just fine" statement comes from.

I think when we say that, we are
trying to convince ourselves. It does nothing to help the person going through
treatment. He or she is not, in fact, fine.He or she has cancer.

"I know how difficult
it is to walk that road"I am more empathic in this area since I have been through cancer
treatment because I know how difficult it is to walk that road. I know how
tiring, sickening, angry and lonely that road can feel.

When a close friend was diagnosed with cancer a few months
ago, I grieved for her, not only because she has cancer but because I know what
that means in terms of surgeries and scans and treatments. And living with the
possibility of recurrence. Forever.

I know that it means that life will never be the same for
her again.

Cancer's long-term
effects: The New NormalAnother friend with cancer said that she can't wait to be
normal again. I gently told her that Old Normal is gone. There will be a New
Normal. It will be great, but it will not be the same.

New Normal has its highs and lows, just like Old Normal did.
There are many difficult long-term side effects from many of the cancer treatments
we have had. Some cause physical scars and organ problems and carry increased
risks of secondary cancers. Some cause neuropathy
and lymphedema.

There are also many wonderful long-term effects that go with
New Normal. For me, these include increased empathy, the ability be still for a
long time, a deeper awareness that love really is the most important thing and
a vast sense of God living within me.

I also know it does no good for me to point out these
long-term benefits when someone is still in treatment. People did that with me.
I wanted to punch them in the throat.

"This moment is all
we have"When you are in pain from surgery and you feel like dying
from chemotherapy or your chest is so burned that your skin is raw, you really
don't care that one day you'll realize you learned to love deeper.All you care about is taking the next breath,
the next step, the next moment.

And that is the greatest lesson I learned: that wherever I
am and wherever you are in this exact moment is perfect because this moment is all
we have.

Brandie Sellers
teaches yoga, meditation, nutrition and cooking. She paints, writes, runs and
plays with her children. She is a divorcee and two-time breast cancer survivor who's undergone a double mastectomy. Brandie is crazy about
her three children, and is blessed with a slew of sister friends who pick her
up when she's down, keep her honest with herself when she's full of it, and
make her laugh until she cries. Follow her at simplelifeyoga.com.Read more posts by Brandie
Sellers

Brandie,
Your words and thoughts hit close to home. I definitely agree that the new "normal" is different and always will be. I feel as if I am waiting for the next shoe to drop, even though its been two years since my diagnosis and treatment. I try to realize though, that each day is precious and should not be taken for granted.