Thank goodness the government have seized the bullmastiff by the horns – microchipped it, and saved the day. Hey presto, no more lost dogs.

According to the Environment Secretary Owen Paterson, microchipping ‘brings peace of mind to owners’.

‘Microchipping is a simple solution. It makes it easier for owners to get their pet back if it strays and easier to trace if it’s stolen.’ How wrong he is.

He even says: ‘It’s a shame that, in a nation of dog lovers, thousands of dogs are roaming the streets or stuck in kennels because the owner cannot be tracked down.’ Err, that’s your fault.

Responsibility for lost dogs was removed from the police and, under the Clean Neighbourhoods and Environment Act, placed in the hands of local authorities – effectively privatising it. With profit in the loop, I’ve no faith in that whatsoever.

So thank goodness the government have seized the bullmastiff by the horns – microchipped it, and saved the day. Hey presto, no more lost dogs.

Err, again no – can nothing save us from the jobsworths? Before the government trumpets the benefits of getting dogs chipped, it should get its own house in order.

You can’t make it up. Back in 2007 Rocky, his Jack Russell, was stolen from his back garden – three years later, he received a letter from Anibase (the database managers) asking if he wanted them to update their database with the name and address of the dog’s new owners.

He replied saying: ‘I told Anibase that I didn’t want to transfer ownership because my dog had been stolen. I asked them for the name and address of the people who had my dog but they wouldn’t give me the details.’

Then he contacted the police, who also refused to disclose the information after concluding that there was no criminal case to answer. To make matters worse, a judge at Huddersfield County Court ruled that the matter was outside his jurisdiction.

Anibase said under the obligations of the Data Protection Act, if the individuals involved do not want their details passed to the original owner it cannot be done – unless compelled to following a criminal or civil proceeding.

Think that’s an isolated case? Think again. Due to a misinterpretation of the Act, some vets will not scan new dogs registering at their practices for microchips because of data protection issues – Bruce Forsyth even has a ‘Vets Get Scanning Appeal.’

Mircochipping – not quite that silver bullet for dangerous dogs after all.

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