19 Jan 2007

The next time you find yourself on a plane, sitting next to someone who cannot resist chattering to you endlessly, I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out of your bag, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it), and hitTHIS!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.MARIA: Here it is.TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?CLASS: Maria.__________________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?FRANK: Because of the sign..TEACHER: What sign?FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."_________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables._______________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"TEACHER: No, that's wrongGLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it._______________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD: H I J K L M N O.TEACHER: What are you talking about?DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.______________________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE: Me!______________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are._____________________________________________TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."MILLIE: I is...TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."__________________________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.__________________________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.__________________________________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog._______________________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?HAROLD: A teacher.