Scouts introduce guidelines for being near water

The British Organisation for Beavers And Joint Organisation for Boys' Scouting (BOBAJOBS) are nearing the end of their review of Health and Safety for children in their care.

Being organised, they have dealt with them in alphabetical order, covering Axes (all axes to be blunted), Cooking (eat salad only), Fire (only cold fires to be used) and Hiking (all hikes to be less than five minutes in duration). They have finally reached 'W' and are covering Water.

An in depth study has discovered that water is very dangerous.

For this reason, scout leaders must be registered life guards, have served at least three terms on a lifeboat crew and be able to collect a brick from the bottom of a pool whilst wearing pyjamas before taking any children within twenty feet of water.

Aquariums up and down the country are now bemoaning the lack of scout visits, despite protesting that their is inches of glass between the scouts and the water.

BOBAJOBS maintain that wrapping children in hypo-allergenic cotton wool and keeping them away from all sources of danger, is the only acceptable way they can continue to function in a world of litigation.

"They can still sing Gin Gan Gooly," said Arthur 'Clover' Garlic, chief spokesperson of BOBAJOBS, as an aide handed him a slip of paper. "Amendment; they can no longer sing that, as it might contain sexual references."

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