Laid in Chelsea

What a flat way to end series five. Why mess with a pristine format? Made in Chelsea won a Bafta for ‘constructed reality,’ not a load of twentysomethings enduring a fake awards ceremony in a badly lit studio

It’s hard not to feel sorry for doe-eyed Andy. He spends months pining after Louise, has huge nostrils, endures many an awkward drink with Spencer, then finally gets his hands on the prize to find she’s more interested in snapchatting her night of sleepover passion away with Rosie.

Polo season is upon us, as are the preparations the cast of Made in Chelsea must make to impress the opposite sex at such equine events. Stallion Spencer is one step ahead of the game, having already managed to snare Lucy the mare as his girlfriend.

Summer has struck for the “sartorially challenged” of Chelsea. As the sun beamed down on a private residents’ square in SW3, Jamie welcomed in the weather with a game of boules (with Boulle) in a leopard print sleeveless shirt. Even Proudlock, ever a fan of animal prints, said he looked “Hansel Zoolander Bam Bam”.

Spencer is disgusted at the thought of any man so much as breathing on ex-flame Louise, yet merrily whisks Lucy Watson off to have his wicked way with her in Paris for the weekend (which was less wicked way and more an excuse to smugly practise his prep school French).

Lucy and Spencer are a match made in haaaaaahven. If their Bond-themed date next episode looks anything to go by, the two could be very happy sipping champagne in a blue uplit bar together for their rest of their lives.

In theory, staging a break-up on the Southbank with the Tate Modern and Thames in the background should elevate the scene to new levels. But in practice it was just two above-average looking people leaning onto a chrome rail trying not to look too cold.