This selection of the Paṭhamasamajīvīsuttaṃ is dedicated to
all devoted couples that have committed themselves to face the challenges of
life with ongoing mutual love, appreciation and loyalty. Establishing a
steadfast relationship, maintaining life-long affection and fondness through a
long life, facing day-to-day vicissitudes and family demands until a last
assuring and loving fare-well on the deathbed, is always an inspiring event.
Even so, in spite of the common occurrences of being single, of single parents,
and people having many intimate relationships in their lifetimes there is still
a deep yearning for a reliable, durability long term partnership with one
person.

The Buddha’s guideline and reply presented in
this sutta may foster assurance, comfort and confidence to all those who aspire
long lasting and happy relations. If both partners aspire further to spiritual
growth and development they can take encouraging inspiration from the couple Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā mentioned
in thisPaṭhamasamajīvīsuttaṃ.

It was when the Buddha
dwelled at the Bhesakaḷā Grove – Bhesakaḷāvane – where he met the couple Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā. It is said that the Buddha dwelled during eight
full rainy seasons in the Bhesakaḷā Grove - Bhesakaḷāvane - near Bhaggā in a deer park at the Crocodile Haunt –
Susumāragiri. Bhaggā was the name of a tribe and a country of the same name. Susumāragiri was its capital and so
called because the sound of crocodiles – susumāra
– could be heard from the nearby lake. Bhesakaḷāvane
was woodland that had been the domain of a demon named Bhesaka. It was here at one occasion that the Buddha went to see
the couple Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā at their
home after being invited.They were
so called after their son Nakula.1

It is said that both, Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā
had a long and close relationship with the Buddha, whom they accompanied
through 500 existences as father and mother and as uncle and aunt as well. So
there was a close and deep implanted affection that broke out of Nakulapitā when they encountered the
present Buddha Siddharta for the first time when visiting the Bhesakaḷāvane to
pay their respects. Both prostrated at the feet of the Buddha by expressing the
deep impulse of sudden recognition2:
“O’ son, where have you been over this long time, so far away from us?”

Both, Nakulapitā
as well as Nakulamātā were
classified by the Buddha amongst those disciples, who were foremost in certain
qualities - he considered them as being foremost in intimacy and
trustworthiness: Etadaggaṃ, bhikkhave, mama sāvakānaṃ upāsakānaṃ vissāsakānaṃ3 yadidaṃ nakulapitā gahapatīti4! - Etadaggaṃ, bhikkhave, mama
sāvikānaṃ upāsikānaṃ vissāsikānaṃ yadidaṃ nakulamātā gahapatānī.5.

At the event described in the present sutta both
of them took the opportunity of the Buddha’s visit at their home to ask a question
that many deeply dedicated couples would like to ask: “Iccheyyāma mayaṃ, bhante, diṭṭhe ceva dhamme aññamaññaṃ passituṃ
abhisamparāyañca aññamaññaṃ passitun”ti. – “We wish to meet each other not
only in this life but also in the lives to come!”

The Buddha’s comforting and assuring reply is
related in this sutta and quoted at the beginning of this introduction. This
answer provides affirmation that with the upkeep of certain wholesome
qualities, the practise of moral ethics and generosity such a perspective can
be realized.6

In another sutta the Buddha explains the
respective qualities in more detail and concludes with the same verses7.
Here he describes the different situations that may occur to partners of
likewise moral, immoral or opposite characters. He categorizes the inspiring
example of Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā thus:

“Idha,
gahapatayo, sāmiko hoti pāṇātipātā paṭivirato adinnādānā paṭivirato
kāmesumicchācārā paṭivirato musāvādā paṭivirato surāmerayamajjapamādaṭṭhānā
paṭivirato sīlavā kalyāṇadhammo vigatamalamaccherena8 cetasā
agāraṃ ajjhāvasati anakkosakaparibhāsako9 samaṇabrāhmaṇānaṃ; bhariyāpissa hoti pāṇātipātā paṭiviratā adinnādānā
paṭiviratā kāmesumicchācārā paṭiviratā musāvādā paṭiviratā
surāmerayamajjapamādaṭṭhānā paṭiviratā sīlavatī kalyāṇadhammā
vigatamalamaccherena cetasā agāraṃ ajjhāvasati anakkosikaparibhāsikā
samaṇabrāhmaṇānaṃ.” – “Here, householder, the husband lives a life
abstaining from killing, from taking of what is not given, from sexual
misconduct, from wrong speech and from indulging in liquor, wine and other
besotting substances that are the occasion for negligence, he lives performing
moral and wholesome conduct, dwelling in a home free from the stain of
miserliness neither reviling nor abusing brahmins or ascetics and likewise the
wife lives a life abstaining from killing, from taking of what is not given,
from sexual misconduct, from wrong speech and from indulging in liquor, wine
and other besotting substances that are the occasion for negligence, she lives
performing moral and wholesome conduct, dwelling in a home free from the stain
of miserliness neither reviling nor abusing brahmins or ascetics.”

The couple
Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā not only inspires through their praiseworthy
model of a lifelong committed happy relationship but is also a motivating
example for householders that have acquired sufficient qualities to reach at
least the stage of a sotapānna. Their
lives have not only been filled with the qualities described above but also by
renunciation10. In an
incident, where Nakulapitā has been
seriously ill11Nakulamātā comforted him to avoid
potential worries by expressing a saccakiriyā
– a solemn declaration of truth so Nakulapitā
may not die full of concern, which has been criticized by the Bhagava12.
She consoled him that he should not be afraid that after his passing away she:

·may not be able to maintain
herself13;

·may be getting engaged with
another husband14;

·may not continue to support the
Buddha and the Saṅgha15;

·may not continue to uphold
virtuous and moral conduct16;

·may not obtain serenity of mind17;

·nor achieve assurance in the
Dhamma and the Saṅgha18.

With this last assertion Nakulamātā confirmed that she had reached at least the stage of a sotapānna and by the end of her
expression of this saccakiriyā her
husband was cured from his ailment. The Buddha likewise comfirmed for Nakulapitā to have reached the same
stage of liberation by having realized the following six qualities: “Katamehi chahi? Buddhe aveccappasādena,
dhamme aveccappasādena, saṅghe aveccappasādena, ariyena sīlena, ariyena ñāṇena,
ariyāya vimuttiyā. Imehi kho, bhikkhave, chahi dhammehi samannāgato nakulapitā
gahapati tathāgate niṭṭhaṅgato19 amataddaso amataṃ sacchikatvā iriyatī’’ti20 - What are the six qualities? These are: unwavering faith in the Budhha,
unwavering faith in the Dhamma, unwavering faith in the Saṅgha, noble conduct
of sīla, noble knowledge and noble liberation. By possessing these six
qualities, the householder Nakulapitā has
completed confidence in the Tathāgata, has seen nibbāna, the deathless and is
one who lives realizing the deathless21.”

May the achievements
of this happy couple serve as an inspiration for many to follow the same
beneficial principles! May many who desire this be enabled to maintain the same
matching principles of morality and generosity, and meet again and again until
they achieve liberation together!

1pitā: father; mātā: mother

2this incident is related
in the Mahā Buddhavaṃsa,
Great Chronicle of the
Buddhas, Volume 6, part 2

10 See her remark in the next paragraph below: ‘no soḷasavassāni gahaṭṭhakaṃ brahmacariyaṃ samāciṇṇaṃ.’ Even so this may not be a fully
desirable aspiration for every modern couple of the world of today it points to
the fact that final liberation can only be achieved by maintaining complete
celibacy even if living as householders: gahaṭṭhakaṃ
brahmacariyaṃ.

13 “Kusalāhaṃ, gahapati, kappāsaṃ kantituṃ veṇiṃ olikhituṃ. Sakkomahaṃ, gahapati, tavaccayena
dārake posetuṃ, gharāvāsaṃ sandharituṃ.” – “I am well skilled in
weaving and knitting wool. After your passing away, I will be able to support
the children and to maintain the household.”

14 “Tvañceva kho, gahapati, jānāsi ahañca, yaṃ
no soḷasavassāni gahaṭṭhakaṃ brahmacariyaṃ samāciṇṇaṃ.” – “You are aware, householder, as I am as well, that we have
lived the celibate life of laypeople for the last 16 years!”

15 “Ahañhi, gahapati, tavaccayena
dassanakāmatarā ceva bhavissāmi bhagavato, dassanakāmatarā ca
bhikkhusaṅghassa.” – “Because
I will, householder, be even more eager to see the Bhagava and the Bhikkhusaṅgha.”

21Nakulapitā had realized
these qualities by following the Buddha’s advise presented in Nakulapitusuttaṃ, Nakulapituvaggo, Khandhasaṃyuttaṃ,
Saṃyuttanikāyo and in Nakulapitusuttaṃ, Saḷāyatanasaṃyuttaṃ, Saḷāyatanavaggo: