The truth is that domestic violence and violence against women touch many of us. This violence is not a private matter. Behind closed doors it is shielded and hidden and it only intensifies. It is protected by silence – everyone's silence. Violence against women is learned. Each of us must examine - and change - the ways in which our own behavior might contribute to, enable, ignore or excuse all such forms of violence. I promise to do so, and to invite other men and allies to do the same.—Sir Patrick Stewart

Apologists: People of the Lie

“We lie only when we are attempting to cover up something we know to be illicit. Some rudimentary form of conscience must proceed the act of lying. There is no need to hide unless we first feel that something must be hidden.”—M. Scott Peck People of the Lie

M. Scott Peck calls malignant narcissists “the people of the lie.” He says narcissists lie to themselves to keep from feeling the pain which would come with knowledge of the true self.

Narcissist don’t respect boundaries. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, especially a long one, the narcissist oozes across your boundaries. He obliterates the line between “me” and “you.” You might still be hanging on to what makes you uniquely yourself, but to him you are just an extension of himself.

That’s how I became one of the people of the lie.

If you don’t maintain the lie of the narcissist, you will be punished. There will be pain and rage and chaos. So I told half truths or withheld truths for the sake of his lie which was also my lie. I lied to everyone. I lied to myself.

I came up with endless reasons for why our contributions to the household were so incredibly unequal; why he sacrificed nothing while I eventually sacrifice everything. I convinced myself that there was nothing wrong with his drug habit even though I hated it, even though I could see with my eyes how destructive it was, even thought I added up the costs and knew it was bankrupting us.