Gold Member

Just thought I would throw this problem out there. So there's this guy, let's call him John (his real name will be kept private for privacy's sake.) So John and I were Facebook buddies for about a year before we finally met a couple of weeks ago. So far, he's perfect for me. He's a really nice guy...he's passionate about what he does- he is politically astute (and perhaps a little more to the left than I am, but variety is the spice of life). He's tall (6'2"), cute, and a total top. Pretty much everything I look for in a man.
But while we were relaxing and watching TV last night at his place, the doorbell rang. At 9 o'clock at night. He got served papers from his credit card company for over $10,000...because apparently he hasnt paid squat on it for a long time. I knew he had lost his job a year ago, and that he was starting his own business. He also hasnt paid anything on the mortgage to his condo since he lost his job.
My POV is that he's financially irresponsible- there's no VISUAL indication that he's in trouble. He hasn't really radically changed his spending habits from what I can see. We had a long talk about this, and I guess I've decided to try and stick it out and see what happens. My question to you guys would be- having only dated this guy for a couple of weeks, what would YOU do? I realize times are tough right now, but something about this whole thing strikes me as odd, namely, that he continues to go out and drink and spend unnecessary money, when I would have sat down and seen what I could do to hold off the banks and credit cards.

Look Mate, If theres anything I learnt on My very expensive Law and business Degree at one of the UK's best universtys and also at my Dad's company. It's Don't Trust anyone who gets served papers, and to pull all of your contracts. This does not work with this application, Just be careful about what you leave liying around- espically vaulables, and also dont tell him anything about your Finanical situation.

Gold Member

something about this whole thing strikes me as odd, namely, that he continues to go out and drink and spend unnecessary money,

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That might actually be a good thing. The minute he starts expecting You to foot the entire tab for Your evenings out will be Your cue to bolt.
But fuck buds are hard to find (especially total tops). Relationships are even harder to find.
For now - play it as it rolls.
Dear Abby has spoken...
:biggrin1:

I would ask him outright about the continuing to spend as though he had money part - it is not clear from your post if you have. In this economy many decent people have lost work and had financial problems - it may be that he continues to spend just because he met you recently and wants to put up good front. Being poor makes a lot of people feel like shit. Ask him. ps., I looked at your pics, you are very hot - maybe that body of yours is driving him to spend money stupidly.

Gold Member

That might actually be a good thing. The minute he starts expecting You to foot the entire tab for Your evenings out will be Your cue to bolt.But fuck buds are hard to find (especially total tops). Relationships are even harder to find.
For now - play it as it rolls.
Dear Abby has spoken...
:biggrin1:

... So there's this guy, let's call him John ...
He got served papers from his credit card company for over $10,000... because apparently he hasnt paid squat on it for a long time. I knew he had lost his job a year ago, and that he was starting his own business. He also hasnt paid anything on the mortgage to his condo since he lost his job.
My POV is that he's financially irresponsible- there's no VISUAL indication that he's in trouble. He hasn't really radically changed his spending habits from what I can see. ... he continues to go out and drink and spend unnecessary money, when I would have sat down and seen what I could do to hold off the banks and credit cards.

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He hasn't paid anything on his mortgage in a year and yet he continues to drink and spend money like there is no tomorrow? I call that very irresponsible. I'm surprised the bank hasn't foreclosed on his condo and sold it off already. Tell the guy he needs to find income or you will leave.

Gold Member

If there's anything that I learn in life is that assumption is the mother of all problems. Don't assume him to be bad, nor that he is good - well, that is, until there's evidence to prove him either, which makes it not an assumption anymore. Be careful is the common advice here. Yes, draw a line between you and him but because you might be his potential future husband, you deserve to know something, because for me dating means there's already a connection over there.

Even though I lost my job nearly a year ago I still make sure bills are paid (I was lucky though since I received nearly a year's worth of pay and could collect unemployment- which took seven months to get) and my mortgage is paid until August.

I'm just shocked though because I missed a mortgage payment once in '96 and they started foreclosing immediately (but was saved by bankruptcy) so I make sure the mortgage is always paid every month.

Even though I'm not "financially secure" I do manage to go out a couple of times a week just to get out since finding a job isn't that easy.