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A Christmas Pussy Carol

We have a talented and funny commentariat here at Feministe, as evidenced by the comments here in the Feministe’s Next Top Troll thread. One concept I’d like to pick up from that thread is the Christmas Pussy carol that got started with micheyd’s comment: “Fiiiiiive golden Nuvarings!” and went from there.

It’s not finished, though. We need your help filling in the blanks. So I ask for your assistance in completing “The Twelve Days of Christmas Pussy.”

Lines should scan to the original (lyrics here, should you have forgotten), which is why I altered the Nuvarings and omitted Lauren’s Nine tabby cats line. Though cats, of course, must make an appearance. No bitter, lonely feminist would be caught dead without one, after all.

UPDATE: I’ve filled in the blanks with your suggestions, but don’t let that stop you — we can have an alternate version as well.

Especially paired with the “Four lying sluts,” as we feminists are both hairy armpitted Madonna and Whore all wrapped up in flannel and shod in hiking boots. With extra batteries for the vibrators, of course.

tcupnewt

October 13, 2007 at 5:38 pm

Four raging dykes,
Three vegan meals,
Two saggy breasts

Dianne

October 13, 2007 at 5:48 pm

I love it, but the last line doesn’t quite scan. A cat in the bed with me (leave out “sleeping”) would do it if I’ve counted syllables correctly.

eloriane

October 13, 2007 at 5:52 pm

I think the last line would scan much better if it was “and all my cats in bed with me” — and then we are not limited to only one cat, because surely a true feminist would have too many to count!

Holy crap. Roxie, I love you forever and a day. I can’t get over the CHEERINESS of it! It makes me want to go caroling in…I don’t know, the boonies of Mississippi or something.

zuzu

October 13, 2007 at 10:20 pm

Christmas carols? But it’s not even Halloween yet! Ahhh!

I know. But I’ve already seen Christmas stuff in the shops, so I think we’re on the bleeding edge of the season. Plus, it gives us time to find a choir and rehearse the various versions that will come out of this.

Christmas Pussy – n. Comes once a year and only if you’re a really good boy

[Tony, Toni, Toné. You overstate your importance to this blog. But really, if you can’t make a woman come more than once a year, you’ve really got to work on your skills. — Z.]

[PS — Don’t know how you got past the modbot, but you’re banned.]

[PPS — Yes, again.]

B.D.

October 14, 2007 at 8:10 am

Dang, I take a day off to enjoy October sun in Seattle and something as precious as this pops up! Nice job, folks, and terrific job, Roxie!

utsusemi

October 14, 2007 at 8:28 am

I’m astounded nobody has yet suggested “The Twelve Days of Cunt-mas” for the song’s title. Well, consider it proposed. I don’t especially love the word “cunt” (yeah, I know there’s a whole other dialogue to be had there), but in this case…

This thread is cracking me up so bad.

Anne Onne

October 14, 2007 at 9:34 am

Classic. Better than the original, even. Just don’t do what I did and listen to the demo with loudspeakers on when there are unuspecting people in the room. :D