I'm contemplating suicide.

I'm not particularly sure where to begin. I suppose what brings me here is that I feel as though I am a failure.I have through choosing to neglect and abuse my body by trying to keep out any food. My hair is falling out. My teeth are too and rotted. I feel more disgusted with myself. I feel as though I had let people walk all over me and choose my life for me and when I tried to make my own decisions, they destroy me. I feel as though I have thrown my life away before I really started it.

I don't want to die but I feel as though I deserve it. Like, I need to stop taking up the resources for people who will appreciate their lives. I honestly feel pathetic. I tried to make a calm response. For some reason or another it didn't get through but maybe this is better. I feel alone and scared that I'm going to hurt myself over some stupid reasons about not looking pretty.

so very sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. I really don't know much about eating disorders/difficulties, but they of course have gotta be very hard and complex to deal with, to say the least. just wondering, do you see a doctor and/or therapist? also, please consider calling a crisis line and/or going to an E.R., etc., when things simply get too much to handle on your own, and you don't feel that you can hold on.

You sound young, I wouldn't think you're past your mid 20s so I would say that it's a safe bet to tell you; you are still having your whole life ahead of you, it is not prudent for you to wish to terminate because of a few bumps. You can recover from all of your problems but you have to remain positive and look for a way to surpass the obstacles that have appeared in your life.

Nothing can be gained from willingly adding to the weight that life naturally brings on us. Stay positive!

I'm glad you came here. All of us here know some of your pain or we wouldn't be here ourselves. Please know that you're not alone and we are here to listen and support you. If you ever want someone to talk to in real time, check out the chat feature of this site. It has been a wonderful support for me (and lots of other folks) and it's a good place to just get stuff off your chest. I would also encourage you to continue talking to your therapist. A lot of the feelings you're describing are things that he or she can help you work through. Most of us have some faulty and distorted thinking going on and therapy is a great place to address those distorted ways of thinking and help change them. I am very glad you've stopped purging. That is an amazing step! Be sure to pat yourself on the back for it!

Physical beauty can be attained since you said that bothers you so much. There's the chance of going to the dentist, there's makeup and tutorials to get your make up looking right and there's the thing where you shouldn't blame yourself or anyone and just focus on getting things together. I am not a motivational speaker and an advocate of life buuut you seem to have some issues that can be fixed via external things. All you need is an ear and some support.