Thursday, December 25, 2008

It's Christmas Day, almost over now, but there is so many good things to say, it's time to show you how I have been.This is 6 of my 8 grandchildren today in their new jammies from the Pagama Elf that comes while we are singing on Christmas Eve. We are missing Heather's 2 babies because they are in Phoenix for Christmas. This picture made me smile. I realize that I have pretty much quit blogging, and it is time to take it up again. I have found it to be very therapeutic for me to write. Part of not writing was intentional. I thought the last time I did (Oct), I felt like it was pretty much at the end of the ordeal. I knew it wasn't a permanent end, but I figured it would be a while before I would know anything about my condition. I have been concentrating on trying to regain my strength. I thought FOR SURE I would be back to my regular self by Christmas, but my Thanksgiving efforts proved to me that it is going to be a while before I am normal again. I may never be "normal" again, because I am aging day by day, but I am so used to having a lot of energy and I didn't expect this emotional or physical setback. I find myself more tired than I was during Chemo, and a lot more depressed. The depression is not constant thank goodness, but pops up at least once a day. I will see the Dr again in January and talk to him about that.In November, I saw the cancer Dr. and he wanted to know if I hurt anywhere for longer than 3 days. I told him that I felt a new lump in my other breast and my shoulder had been throbbing every night for 2 months, and all my joints hurt if I sit still longer than 10 minutes. He immediately ordered a breast MRI, a shoulder MRI and a bone scan. I assumed he was looking for cancer spread in all those places. I was wrong. THE GOOD NEWS is that all tests came out showing NO signs of cancer anywhere in those places. They did find a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder and I will need surgery in January, but it's not cancer, so I don't even feel bothered about it. The bone scan turned out to be a bone density test, not a scan. They were only looking for weak or strong bones to see what chemo had done to me. He wasn't even worried about cancer in my bones. That test did show some weakening of the bones, but medication will help. The MRI showed NO sign of cancer in either breasts. Yeay!!You can see how happy Kenya (5 mos) is for me!

For all of December, Dale has been very strict with me, not allowing me to do much of anything. My married daughters took over and did almost ALL my Christmas shopping, (with my debit card) My son in laws helped plan meals and did a ton of the shopping for groceries, and even did a lot of the food preparation.It was a little depressing to NOT do what I traditionally do. I like playing the role of the mother of all my brothers, sister, and all their families, and my own, but it's up to about 48 now, and I just am not pysically, or emotionally strong enough to do it this time.So , I just sat back, and enjoyed all these sweet kids. Tara doesn't think Kenya looks very dark until she sees pics like this next to Krystal's white girls.

The girls took their kids to the mall, and when Santa saw them coming, he must have taken off, but they got a picture of them anyway in Santa's chair. :)

well, that brings me to the last picture. The pajama elf brought me some pink breast cancer jammies, I guess I will never be able to forget what I have been through this year. I don't think Heavenly Father wants me to forget either. My hair is slowing growing back, but NOTHING like I have ever looked before in my life. But every time I get discouraged about something like my hair, I say "it's better than having cancer" I have to get over my pride, and I am working on that

I am thankful for a new year so I can implement my goals that I have been learning about this year, and trying to implement in my life. I hope I feel stronger in January. We will do more blood tests in Jan to check cancer levels in the blood. I really hope to stay on top of all this and eat better, exercise more and STRESS LESS.....maybe that's been the best lesson, I worry entirely too much about everything.

we talked to our missionary today, and it was his 20 month anniversary. That will be a great goal to be strong and spritual when he returns on April 28th. I know his service has blessed my life as well as many others.

I sent out some pics of the family and a little newsletter, along with an updated list of the things I HAVE LEARNED. I will send you one if you want, send me your address, either here or on my email: espydk@gmail.com LOVE YOU ALL, Karen