Over the next few weeks we’re going to be exploring the subject of things that we can do – each one of us – to help our church grow. Last week I introduced the subject, and I made the comment that I’m not just talking about growing numerically; that’s important, but it’s not enough. For us to grow with integrity, we also need to grow as disciples of Jesus, we need to grow in the quality of our community life in the church, and we need to grow in our influence on the world around us for the sake of the Kingdom of God. This is what I mean by ‘church growth with integrity’.

I’m going to suggest to you that there are five things every one of us can do to help our church grow with integrity, and we’ll look at them over the next few weeks. The first thing is this: each one of us can make a commitment to our own spiritual growth.

Over my years as a Christian I’ve been involved in a number of different churches; some of them grew and some of them didn’t. It would be really nice to be able to look back on those churches and discover an infallible formula for numerical growth. Lively music with a worship band? Coffee in the foyer? Bible-based preaching? Small groups? I could probably make a lot of money if I came up with the four infallible things to do to make your church grow; I can see the book contract even now! Reality, however, is a lot messier than that.

However, there is one thing I’m pretty sure about: it really helps if the members of the congregation are excited about their own spiritual growth. If people in the church have a sense that each year they’re getting closer to God – getting to know God better – learning more about putting the teaching of Jesus into practice in their daily lives – feeling more confident in prayer and Bible reading – learning to be more patient and loving – getting better at talking about their faith with other people – if that’s happening, it’s a big help when it comes to church growth. People who are growing as disciples are far more likely to have a contagious faith than those who aren’t.

So that’s what I want to talk about this morning: making a commitment to our own spiritual growth. Or, to use a gospel term, a commitment to discipleship.

Discipleship was a common practice in the time of Jesus. In those days, most people learned things by mentoring. If you wanted to learn about the scriptures or philosophy or something like that, you found yourself a teacher and you went and lived with him. You listened to his teaching, yes, but you also watched the way he lived his life – the way he handled his money, the way he treated his family, the way he paid his employees and so on. The goal of discipleship wasn’t just learning information: the goal of discipleship was to become like your teacher.

Jesus spells this out clearly in his teaching, even in incidental, throwaway lines. In Matthew 10:24-25 he says, “A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the master. It is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave like the master”. In John’s gospel, after he washes his disciples’ feet, he says to them, “You call me Teacher and Lord – and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you” (John 13:13-15). Peter uses the same idea in his first letter; he’s teaching his readers about the importance of loving their enemies, and he says, “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you should follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:21).

“Leaving you an example, so that you should follow in his steps”. That’s a pretty good description of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus today. Peter and James and John and the rest could literally follow him around; when he said “Follow me”, it wasn’t hard for them to figure out what he meant. He walked off down the road, and they followed after! But of course there was more to it than that; they followed so that they could be with him, listen to him, watch what he did, and learn to imitate him. Later generations of Christians aren’t able to watch and listen as those early disciples did, but as we read the gospels and pray, and listen for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we also want to learn to put the teaching and example of Jesus into practice in our everyday life.

Why do we want to do this? Why are we excited about doing this? Let me suggest two reasons to you. First, it’s because we believe that Jesus is God come to live among us. He is God the Son; he shows us what God is like, and he also shows us what God designed humans to be like. When we watch his way of life, we’re watching the blueprint that we were made for. As we learn to follow that blueprint we’ll be discovering the life we were designed for in the first place.

Jesus says that the one who hears his teaching and puts it into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock: “The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock” (Matthew 7:25). So in other words, we’re excited about learning to live as disciples of Jesus because it’s good for us: it’s how we learn to live as we were meant to live. It’s how we build our lives on a strong foundation that will stand us in good stead when the storms of life come our way.

But there’s a second reason too: it’s because this is how the kingdom of God spreads in the world. In Matthew chapter 4 Jesus comes into Galilee at the beginning of his ministry with a kingdom announcement: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (4:17). Most of his hearers would have expected that announcement to have been followed by some kind of political or military campaign, but that’s not what Jesus did. The very next thing he did was to call Simon and Andrew to become his disciples: “Follow me, and I will make you fish for people” (4:19). They were soon joined by James and John and a few others, and in the next chapter Jesus takes them up the mountain and gives them the Sermon on the Mount, a summary of his teaching about how to live as his followers.

This was how Jesus planned to change the world. He wasn’t planning a political campaign or a military rebellion; he was changing the world one heart at a time, as people became his followers and learned to live the new life of the kingdom of God in their homes and families, at work and at play, with their money and possessions and everything they had. God has one plan to change the world: discipleship. If we won’t go along with the plan, we’re missing the heart of God’s call to us.

So how’s that going for you and me? Are we growing as disciples of Jesus? As I said last week, I fear that for some people, this isn’t even on the table. They think about reading the Bible and they feel intimidated by it; they try to pray but they don’t feel anything, so they give up. But they never ask themselves “Why won’t I put time and effort into learning to do this better?” Most churches have members who’ve spent years of their lives and thousands of dollars getting a university education to help them with their career, but they won’t make the effort to attend a simple course about prayer or Bible reading to help them grow in those areas of their lives. Why is that? Is it because spiritual growth really isn’t that important to us?

Let me suggest to you some areas we might like to think about in terms of our spiritual growth.

First, familiarity with the Bible. In the time of Jesus, even though many people were illiterate, most Jewish folk would have been very familiar with the Bible story. They knew the stories about Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and his twelve sons. They knew about how God sent Moses to lead Israel out of slavery in Egypt and into their promised land. They knew about the ten commandments and the covenant God made with their people at Sinai. They knew the stories of Samuel and David and Solomon and the prophets, and they heard the writings of those prophets read each week in the synagogues. That biblical story of Israel formed their view of the world, and the book of psalms in the Bible shaped their prayer lives week by week.

How about you? How familiar are you with the Bible? The Bible isn’t always an easy book to read. In fact, it isn’t really a book at all it’s a library of books, written over a period of over a thousand years, in three ancient languages. It includes poetry and song and saga and political commentary and biography and doctrine and practical teaching about daily life. And the people who wrote it looked at the world very differently from us. So yes, it’s not like reading the latest John Grisham novel! But it’s important; I’m pretty sure John Grisham would agree that it’s much more important to know the Bible than to know his thrillers!

So one way we can grow is just to read the Bible and become familiar with its story. A couple of years ago when we had our diocesan centennial Bishop Jane gave us the challenge of reading the Bible through in a year; I know some of you did it. She gave us a system of daily readings – psalms, Old Testament, New Testament. There are other ways of doing it too; you can actually buy editions of the Bible divided into daily sections – the One-Year Bible – with daily readings from Old and New Testaments, Psalms and Proverbs. I’ve often used this system myself and really appreciated it. Yes, we’ll run into things we don’t understand, but let’s not worry about them. We can mark them, come back to them, ask questions about them if we want to. But sooner or later we’ll find something that really speaks to us – and then we can take time to meditate on it and apply it to our lives.

So we could become familiar with the story of the Bible. Secondly, we could grow in prayer. When I gave my life to Christ as a young teenager, one of the first things my Dad did was to give me a little booklet teaching me to have a daily time of prayer. That booklet changed my life. Before I read it, my prayers had been rote prayers at bedtime, or formal prayers in church. But after I read that book – it was called ‘Seven Minutes with God’ – I began to take a few minutes each day to pray, using four kinds of prayer, which I’ve sometimes heard summarized as “Thank you”, “Sorry”, “Please”, and “You’re Awesome!” I started with a few minutes, but at the years went by, my prayer times grew.

What about you? What is your habit of prayer? Jesus assumes his disciples will pray. In the Sermon on the Mount he doesn’t say “If you pray…” but “When you pray”. Many of you are my Facebook friends. I know you take time each day to check Facebook, read your friends’ posts, maybe comment on them. But do you take time each day to pray and draw closer to God?

You might say, “I don’t know how to do that”. Fine, that’s an honest answer. What are you going to do about that? Are you going to be content to stay there and make that excuse for the rest of your life? Or are you going to say, “I was made to know God. Prayer is one of the most important ways of knowing God. So I’m going to ask for help so I can get better at it, and learn to pray in a more meaningful way”?

We can become more familiar with the Bible, we can learn to pray more meaningfully and more regularly. Thirdly, we can learn to put the teaching and example of Jesus into practice.

A spiritual writer called John Ortberg makes a helpful distinction between trying and training. Marathon runners don’t try to run marathons; they train for them. They would never think of starting with a marathon; they’ll start with much shorter distances, pushing their bodies, yes, but then having times to rest so that their bodies can build up strength again. Slowly, as they train, their bodies become capable of longer and longer distances.

Last week after church Jason Durance and I were talking about this, and he told me about a time when he heard John Ortberg speaking on this subject. Apparently John gave the example of growing in patience; he said that if you want to grow in that virtue, you have to practice it! For instance, you have to intentionally go to the longer checkout line in the grocery store, or steer toward the lane of traffic with more cars in it! In other words, you have to intentionally put yourself in situations where patience is called for; that’s how your patience muscles grow!

Think of the different virtues Jesus calls us to: loving our neighbours, loving our enemies, forgiving those who hurt us, turning the other cheek, generosity to the poor and needy, telling the truth at all times, and so on. If you read through the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew chapters 5, 6 and 7, you can find them all laid out. But don’t be intimidated by them; don’t grit your teeth and try to do them. Instead, pray about them, and ask God, “God, how can I train for this virtue that I need to grow in my life? What situations can I put myself in where I can have the opportunity to learn this character trait you want to grow in me?”

So which aspects of the teaching of Jesus do you most need to grow in this year? And what’s your plan to grow in them? That’s the third thing.

Finally, let’s remember that God never designed this Christian life to be lived alone. Jesus never intended that his followers would practice do-it-yourself spirituality. He assumed we would gather together at least once a week, worship together, reorient ourselves to the priorities of the Kingdom of God, and come to his table to share his bread and wine. “Do this as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me”. Not “Do this unless you’ve got a better offer this weekend”.

Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching”. That’s what church is meant to be: an opportunity for followers of Jesus to come together, learn together and encourage each other, in a world where we don’t get much encouragement to be faithful to Jesus.

You and I have been called to follow Jesus. This is the most important thing we do. We’ve been enrolled in a school of discipleship that lasts until the day we die. We never get to the end of it; there’s always more growing and learning to do. So let me ask you to think carefully about this. How are you going to grow as a follower of Jesus in the next twelve months? What priorities do you need to set? What do you need to learn to help you grow? Who are you going to ask to help you do it? And who will you be accountable to for your growth? One thing I’ve learned from hard experience is that if I don’t make myself accountable to someone, the growth doesn’t usually happen.

Let me close by saying that if any of you want to have some more conversation about this, we’ll gather together for a few minutes after the service is over; maybe grab a coffee and a chair and come back to my office, and if it gets too crowded we’ll move somewhere else. But also, if you want to have a one on one conversation about this, please don’t hesitate to call me. Conversations about discipleship are absolutely the most important part of my job as a pastor, and I’d be delighted to take the time to talk and pray with you about it. But whether you talk to me or not, talk to God: ask him to help you set some goals and make some plans, and then start working on them. That’s what it means for us today to be followers of Jesus, and that’s also the best way to be a joyful Christian. And believe me, the presence of a few more joyful Christians will definitely help our church grow!

Years ago I saw a cartoon in a Christian magazine. It was the inside of one of those huge mega-churches with an auditorium that seated thousands of people. But there weren’t thousands of people in it. There were just a few, a tiny handful, huddled together front and centre, with the pastor standing at the podium preaching the sermon. And the words he was saying were “Jesus wants his church to grow. The bank that owns our mortgage thinks it’s a good idea too!”

Well, we can laugh, but there are times when we wonder why churches want to grow. Is this a competition? Are pastors just indulging their egos, playing a game of one-upmanship against the pastor of the next church down the road? Are we empire-building? What’s wrong with the size the church already is? And anyway, everyone of good taste is already an Anglican, aren’t they? Another one of those cartoons has the old lady at the back of the church shaking hands with the rector and saying “I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about evangelism; surely everyone in this town who should be an Anglican already is!”

Is it really all about money? Members are getting older, young families are getting busier, budgets are getting more and more strained. This year at St. Margaret’s we’re certainly experiencing some of that. The question is no longer ‘Will we have a deficit at the end of the year’, but ‘How big will the deficit be?’ So is that our motivation for wanting to grow: paying the bills? Is it true what they say, ‘those churches are just after your money?’

I hope not. I hope we’re motivated by the love of Christ, as St. Paul was when he travelled all over the Mediterranean world and endured unbelievable sufferings and hardships because he believed the gospel message and he believed that God wanted everyone to hear it. I hope that we have a vision for growth with integrity, growth as followers of Jesus, growth in community, growth in our influence for good in the world around us, as well as numerical growth as more people become disciples through our witness. This morning I want to set out that vision for you, and then in the next few weeks I want to explore things each of us can do to help our church to grow.

So this morning I want to share with you four different ways churches can grow. Numerical growth is not possible for all churches. For example, some churches are situated in dying communities; it’s not likely that they’re going to see substantial growth. But all churches can grow in other ways, and hopefully many of them can grow numerically as well. So let me share with you these four ways of growth: numerical growth, growth as disciples of Jesus, growth in community, and growth in our influence in the world around us, near and far.

First, numerical growth. This isn’t hard to figure out – or is it? You might think it was a matter of simple math. What was the average attendance last year? What’s the average attendance this year? Has it gone down or up? That’s how we know whether we’ve grown or shrunk.

Well, maybe not. There are different reasons average attendance can go down. Some older folk go through periods of illness, they’re in hospital for long periods of time, or maybe they move into long term care and can’t get out any more. But they still consider this their church, and we still think of them as members of our congregation. Also, for better or for worse, younger people don’t come to church as often now as they did when I was young. When I was a teenager, regular attendance meant probably three times a month, and some people came more than once on a Sunday. Nowadays, not so. I’m not saying this is a good thing; I’m saying it’s the way things are. So average attendance can go down without us actually having lost any people.

But why are we trying to reach more people anyway? Our epistle for today gives us the answer. St. Paul is encouraging us to pray for our leaders so that we can enjoy peace and safety; he then goes on to say,

‘This is right and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour, who desires everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God; there is also one mediator between God and humankind, Christ Jesus, himself human, who gave himself a ransom for all’ (1 Timothy 2:3-6a).

There it is. God wants all people to be saved from evil and sin, from the things that chain us and keep us from living the fully human life we were created to live. In order for that to happen, he has come among us as one of us in Jesus. Jesus has given himself to ransom us – to set us free – and he is the means by which our eyes can be opened to the truth about God. God is real, God is love, and God is like Jesus. And God wants everyone to know that, to experience it for themselves.

That’s why we want the church to grow numerically. It’s not to win attendance competitions. It’s not to pay the bills. It’s because each person is important to God, and God wants each person to come to know and love him. That’s what the church is here for: to help people learn to love God and follow Jesus.

Note carefully what I just said: the church is here to help people love God and follow Jesus. So our job is not done when they become regular church attenders. That’s a start, but it’s only a start. That’s why the people who complain about our fixation with numbers have a point. What good is a church full of people, if the people in it aren’t learning to pray, never read the Bible for themselves, don’t try to put the way of Jesus into practice in their daily lives, and don’t help Jesus share the love of God with the whole world? If church is just an hour on Sundays and nothing else, what good is that doing?

That’s where the second kind of growth comes in. Churches can grow in numbers, but we can also grow as disciples, as followers of Jesus.

Honestly, a lot of people don’t even know this kind of growth is on the table. They say “I don’t really know the Bible very well, and I don’t understand it when I try to read it”, but then they make no effort to grow in their understanding. Or they say, “I know I’m supposed to forgive my enemies, but I can never forgive her for what she did to me” – and then they leave it at that, as if Jesus’ command to forgive is something we can just take a pass on, rather than asking for help so that we can begin to learn a different way. Or they say, “I really don’t know how to pray”, and then make no attempt to learn.

This Christian life is meant to be something you grow in. At the end of his second letter in the New Testament, St. Peter says, ‘But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ’. St. Paul talks about growing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives – ‘love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control’ (Galatians 5:22-23). He calls these things ‘fruit’, and fruit doesn’t grow instantly. You provide it with water and food and sunlight, and there’s a process the plants go through. The same is true for us as Christian disciples.

How have you grown as a disciple since this time last year? How is your understanding of the Bible better than it was a year ago? How are your prayers more meaningful to you? How are you growing in patience, in unselfishness, in your ability to go through hardship without getting upset and irritable? How are you growing in your ability to share your Christian faith with friends – to explain it to them in a way that helps them rather than turning them off?

These are all things that are meant to be on the agenda for us as disciples of Jesus. Of course we can’t do them all at once. Marathoners don’t start by running marathons. They start with shorter distances, and as they get stronger, they lengthen their training runs. It’s the same with discipleship. When it comes to forgiving your enemies, don’t start with ISIS terrorists; start with the person at work who knows exactly how to annoy you and does it on a regular basis! Or if you’re learning to pray, don’t start with half an hour a day; start with five minutes, and lengthen it as you get more comfortable in it. But let’s never, ever, ever be satisfied with where we are as disciples of Jesus! This Christian living is meant to be a journey; you don’t stand still till you’re dead!

So churches can grow numerically, and they can grow as their members grow as followers of Jesus. Thirdly, churches can grow in community.

It’s interesting to read the New Testament and notice how many times the words ‘one another’ appear. Love one another. Forgive one another. Bear with one another in love. Encourage one another. Admonish one another. Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another. The list goes on and on.

Is the New Testament vision of church a loosely-connected group of individuals who meet on Sundays once or twice a month and go their own way the rest of the time? Not at all. Let’s remember that most of those early Christian congregations probably met in houses. Everything essential to church is doable in a living room! And the New Testament writers obviously assumed that Christians would know each other, offend each other, ask for help from each other, notice each other’s weaknesses and so on.

Let me tell you a story that used to happen to me in my first few years here at St. Margaret’s; it hasn’t happened for a while, but it was fairly common in my early years. Someone would come up to me after church, someone who had attended St. Margaret’s for longer than me. They would then point subtly toward someone else on the other side of the room – someone who had also been at St. Margaret’s for longer than me. And they would ask me “Who is that? What’s her name?”

Do you think there’s room for us to grow in community? I think there’s lots of room! The New Testament vision for Christian community is that of a family of love, where we can comfort and encourage each other, pray for each other and support each other in hard times. But nowadays in churches, people often refuse to even let their fellow Christians know that they’re going through hard times. How can we help each other if we refuse to admit to each other that we need help?

This is seriously damaging our missional credibility in the world. Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). He obviously wasn’t talking about feelings; there’s no way the world around us can know what we feel about other people. He’s obviously talking about observable actions: supporting poorer members, visiting the sick, caring for the needy and so on. A community of people who love each other in these visible ways is tremendously attractive. If we don’t do it, we’re weakening our case before the watching world. So this is not an optional extra for those who have time for that sort of thing. This is a biblical essential of church life. And there’s not a church on the planet that doesn’t have room to grow in this kind of community.

So we can grow numerically, we can grow individually as disciples, as followers of Jesus, and we can grow as a genuine community of love. The fourth way we can grow is in our influence on the world around us.

In the eighteenth century John Wesley rode the length and breadth of England on horseback, preaching the gospel in the open air. Sometimes he preached several times a day to crowds of many thousands of people. It’s no exaggeration to say that in his lifetime hundreds of thousands probably heard the gospel message from him, and many people’s faith came alive in a new and fresh way. People were set free from addictions and given new hope. They were brought together into little discipleship classes where they were accountable to one another for their Christian growth. This was the beginning of what soon came to be called the Methodist movement. A highly influential British historian once said that the reason England didn’t descend into violent revolution was because of the work of John Wesley. He had a tremendous influence on the world around him.

But not only Wesley, of course. He was the leader, but many thousands followed his lead. He told them this: “Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, for all the people you can, as long as ever you can”. And they did. They spread the gospel and led others to Christ, but they also cared for the poor and needy and worked to make their communities better places to live.

Jesus told his disciples, “You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled underfoot” (Matthew 5:13). Salt in those days was used to preserve meat and keep it from going bad. Obviously it had to be different from the meat, but it also had to be in contact with it. Keeping the salt in the saltshaker wouldn’t do any good! It had to be sprinkled on the meat so it could have an influence.

In the same way, we’re called to have an influence on the world around us. We’re called to pray “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” and then we’re called to be part of the answer to that prayer, doing what we can to spread the values of the kingdom of God by working for compassion and justice and peace, and working to spread the gospel of Jesus.

Please note: we don’t have to be in charge of the world for this to happen. Throughout history a lot of Christians have made this mistake; they’ve thought that influencing the world means taking over the government so we can change its laws. But the early Christians were in no position to do that, and neither was John Wesley in the eighteenth century. They didn’t work from the top down; they worked from the bottom up, among the poor and the marginalized. And the result was transformation.

This is what we mean by church growth with integrity. It’s not just about bums on pews and money in the collection plate. It’s about human beings who matter to God, and about them coming to know Christ and follow him as part of the Christian community. It’s about you and me growing daily as followers of Jesus, so that we’re further along in our Christian life today than we were this time last year. It’s about our church growing as a genuine community of love, so that we aren’t strangers to each other, but brothers and sisters who know each other and support each other. And it’s about us acting like the salt of the earth, having an influence on the world around us for the Kingdom of God.

Does this excite you? I hope it does. And every one of us has a part to play in this. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be exploring with you the different ways each of us can help this to happen. Each week I’ll be preaching a sermon on the theme, and after church I’ll be making myself available for a question and discussion time for any who want to explore it further. And I’ll also be posting the sermon online and inviting questions and comments. Next week, our theme will be ‘Helping our church to grow by growing ourselves as followers of Jesus’. I hope you’ll be able to participate in that conversation!

I would like to acknowledge the help and influence of my friend Harold Percy on the ideas presented in this sermon.

Kelly came over to my house for coffee in the middle of the morning on the day after Boxing Day; she had arrived in Meadowvale about seven o’clock the night before, and had called me a little later in the evening to arrange to come for a visit. The weather had turned even colder the week before Christmas; the mercury had dropped to around minus twenty-five, and by Christmas Day there was about two feet of snow accumulated on the ground. I had bought my first down parka, and I was gradually getting used to the idea of putting on wind pants when I went out for my early morning walk.

The sky was clear and the sun was shining on the snow outside as Kelly sat by the window in my living room, sipping at the cup of coffee I had poured for her; she was wearing jeans and a plain white sweater, and her hair was hanging loose down her back. I thought she looked absolutely beautiful, and it was all I could do to stop staring at her as I put a plate of muffins down on the coffee table in front of her. “Would you like something to eat?” I asked.

“Well – who’s been making muffins for you?”

“I’ll have you know, Kelly Reimer, that I am quite capable of making muffins for myself!”

“Oh yeah? You’ll make some woman a good house-husband one of these days!”

“I’m counting on it. Help yourself”.

I took my seat across from her, and she leaned forward to pick out a muffin. “I hear you’ve been spending Christmas in dignified solitude”, she said with a mischievous grin.

“Have you got some sort of spy network?”

“Of course!”

“What else have they told you?”

“I hear you went to church Christmas Eve”.

“I did”.

She sat back in her chair with her plate on her lap. “I was a little surprised to hear that”.

“I was a bit surprised myself, actually”.

She took a bite of the muffin, smiled, and said, “Mmm – this is delicious!”

“I’m glad you like it”.

She chewed slowly and thoughtfully for a moment, and then said, “Tom Masefield, you are a talented man”.

“Thank you”.

“So – church on Christmas Eve?”

I took a sip of my coffee. “I haven’t been to church for about five years, but Joe invited me, and I thought about it for a few days and then decided to go”.

“How was it?”

“Different”.

“How so?”

“Well, what do you know about the Church of England?”

“Only what I’ve read in English novels”.

“It’s a lot more formal. They use a service book with printed prayers, and the people recite them together, or follow along while the priest recites them. And the priest wears robes, and there’s a lot more ceremony. So church here was a bit different”.

“Did you like it?”

“I didn’t dislike it. You know that I’m not at the point of believing in it yet, or at least not all of it. But I knew most of the Christmas carols and I enjoyed singing with the people, and I thought the minister did a good job of preaching. I understood him, anyway, which is more than I can say for some ministers I’ve heard”.

“Rob Neufeld, right?”

“Yes”.

“I like him a lot”.

“I didn’t realize you knew him”.

“He’s been here about three and a half years, so I’ve seen him a few times when I’ve been home. If I stay over Christmas or Easter, I usually go to church with Mom and Dad”.

“Right”.

“What did he preach about?”

I grinned; “Is this a test?”

“Of course not; I’m just interested”.

“I think the point he was trying to make was the unlikeliness of a plan to change the world that started with a baby born to a working class couple in an occupied country on the edge of the Roman Empire”.

“The point being that Jesus wasn’t born into the circles of power?”

“That’s it”.

“Sounds like Rob’s kind of thing”.

“Like I said, the whole idea of God becoming a human being is something I’m still not convinced about. Rob got me thinking, though; I liked the idea of God working from the ground up, through ordinary people, rather than through the movers and shakers”.

She took a sip of her coffee, smiled at me again, and said, “So, you’ve been hibernating since Christmas Eve”.

“I have; I don’t mind my own company”.

She took another bite of her muffin and chewed slowly, looking at me.

“What?” I said.

She shrugged her shoulders and continued to scrutinize me, until I grinned awkwardly and said, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Weren’t you just the tiniest bit sad?”

“Why would I be sad?”

“Tom, I know you and your dad don’t get along, but I’m pretty sure you must have missed your mom and your sister”.

I looked away from her for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts, while she sat there quietly, waiting for me to speak. I picked up my coffee, sipped it in silence for a minute, and then said “Christmas around our house has been complicated for some time now”.

“Tell me, if you want to”.

For a moment I didn’t answer her, and she finished her muffin and sat back in her chair, cradling her coffee mug in her hands. I knew she was looking at me, but I was avoiding her gaze. “Where to start”, I mused.

“Start with Becca”.

“What would you like to know about her?”

“You would have been about twelve when she was born?”

“Yes”.

“Were you always close to her?”

“Yes. I know it’s a bit unusual for a boy of twelve to be so taken with a new baby sister, but it never even occurred to me that there was anything out of the ordinary about it. I’d always wanted a sister, and right from the start I enjoyed holding her and playing with her; my mum says I’m the one who taught her to walk and talk. I used to call her ‘Little Becs’, and she would call me ‘Tommy’ – she’s the only person who’s ever got away with calling me that”.

“What kinds of things did you do together ?”

I grinned. “We played in water a lot; she’s liked that for as long as I can remember. She liked splashing in the bath when she was a baby and a toddler, and as soon as she got old enough, she liked going to the seaside and paddling, or swimming in a pool or a river. And she’s always liked boats and canoes, too”.

“If I’d been her mom, I might have been just a little nervous”.

“I think there were days when my mum was very nervous, but she hid it well. And I think she could see from the start that Becca liked doing things with me”.

“Did you teach her to swim?”

“Yes, and she’s a much stronger swimmer than me now, even though she’s only twelve”.

“I’m sure you read to her”.

“Yes, and we used to make up stories together, too”. I smiled; “Some of them ended up in very strange places!”

“Did you like the same kind of books?”

“Well, I’m twelve years older than her, so she isn’t really into Jane Austen and Thomas Hardy yet!”

She laughed softly; “I guess not. What are some of your good memories of times with her?”

I smiled. “I remember when I was home for Christmas the first year I was in university – I would have been nineteen at the time, and she would have been seven. On Christmas Eve she woke up in the middle of the night and she couldn’t get back to sleep, so she came into my room. I wasn’t very pleased to be woken up, but she sat on my bed and we whispered to each other for a while, and eventually we snuck downstairs and I made hot chocolate for us both. Then we went into the living room and sat by the Christmas tree for an hour or so; I plugged in the lights, and we sat and talked until she finally fell asleep again, and I carried her back upstairs and put her to bed”.

“Aw – that’s so sweet!”

“I never thought anything of it. Even when Dad and I were fighting, I still tried to get home regularly so I could see her – and Mum of course – and sometimes Mum brought her into Oxford to spend a day with me. And ever since that Christmas Eve we’ve had a tradition over the Christmas holidays that before she goes to bed she and I have a cup of hot chocolate together by the tree. We’ve been doing it for the past six years, every night of the holidays”.

“But not this year”.

“No”.

“You miss her”.

“Of course I miss her, but the thing is, even if I’d gone back to Northwood for Christmas, it wouldn’t have been the same this year”.

“Why?”

I was quiet for a long time, and she waited patiently while I sipped steadily at my coffee until I finished it. Then I got up, stretched, and walked over to the other window. “Like I told you, I’ve had a complicated relationship with my dad for a long time”, I said with my back to her. “He’s a lawyer and a very good one, and his whole life has been about success in his profession. He’s achieved it, and he’s made a lot of money”.

“Not so good with relationships, though?”

“Not so good”, I agreed, turning back to face her. “Long hours, six days a week, and not much in the way of fatherly attention to his children, except when he found something to get angry about. And also, like I told you, he was determined from day one that I should follow him, and become a lawyer, which I’ve never wanted to do”.

“That’s hard”.

“Yes”.

“How long have you known that you wanted to be a teacher?”

“From about my first year in high school, when Owen’s dad started teaching my English class”.

“He inspired you, then?”

“I honestly couldn’t think of anything finer than doing what he did. He helped me fall in love with English literature, and he had a way of communicating that love to the class that was just infectious. He didn’t just read Shakespeare with us – he had us acting out scenes, and he helped us get inside the characters and understand the language, so that we not only knew what we were talking about – we felt it too. I found it totally exhilarating. I know it sounds lame, but I looked forward to his classes more than anything else I did at high school”.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t sound lame; it sounds amazing. I never had a teacher like that, even though I had some good ones. You were lucky”.

“I know. We’re still in touch, actually; we write to each other about once a month”.

“That’s great”.

“Yes, but of course that’s not how my dad would see it; he thinks George has been a bad influence on me. Dad and I started fighting about my future career when I was about fifteen”.

“The ‘Great War’?”

“Yes. Our first fight was at the family supper table one night. He had been going on and on about me going up to college and doing a pre-Law degree and then reading Law and joining the family firm, and eventually I got sick of it and I said I didn’t want to read Law, I wanted to teach English. He dismissed that idea completely – he told me I’d be condemning myself to a life of poverty – and that’s when we had our first argument about it, with Mum and Rick and Becca sitting right there”.

“How long did this ‘Great War’ last?”

“About three years. We had our last shouting match about it when I was in the upper sixth, my last year of high school before university. It seemed like it lasted for hours. We were in the living room at home; Rick and Becca had gone to bed, but they heard every word, because Dad and I were shouting so loud. I remember Mum tried to quieten us down, but we both ignored her. Eventually, after we’d been yelling at each other for ages, he turned to her and asked her to talk some sense into me, and then an amazing thing happened: she said, ‘Frank, I think you should let him do what he wants’”. I shook my head; “I thought he was going to have a stroke or a heart attack. His face turned purple and he started breathing heavily, and eventually he went out and slammed the door. And that’s when I knew I’d won and I was going to be able to do my English degree”.

She got up slowly, came over to where I was standing, and put her hand on my arm. “Why don’t you come and sit down?” she said softly.

“Okay”.

“Do you want some more coffee?”

“Yes, but let me…”

She shook her head; “I’ll get it”.

I went back to my chair and sat down again, while she took our coffee mugs out to the kitchen. A moment later she returned, setting the refilled mugs down on the coffee table between us. “So what happened next?” she asked as she sat down again.

“Well, I did my three-year English degree and then the PGCE”.

“PGCE?”

“Postgraduate certificate in education”.

“Right – you told me about that”.

“Yes. Normally it takes a year, but I stretched it out over two years so I could take some extra courses and do a third placement as a student teacher”.

“Why?”

I shrugged; “I wasn’t very confident in myself, I suppose; I felt like I needed more practice”.

“Okay”.

“Anyway, fortunately for my dad, my brother was quite willing to step into my shoes, and he’s now well on his way to becoming a lawyer. But that didn’t mean that Dad gave up on me; he kept pressuring me while I was in university. It wasn’t too late, he said; I could still change to Law, and he’d be glad to pay my way. Or later on, after he seemed to accept that I wasn’t going to switch, he started pestering me about where I was going to teach and how important it was to get into the better kinds of schools – he wasn’t happy about my last student placement because it was in a school in a low-income area with a lot of problems. In my last few months of teacher training he started clipping out advertisements from the newspaper for me, and a couple of times he even contacted schools on my behalf without asking me”.

“Wow”.

“Yes. And I gradually came to the realization that this was never going to end; if I stayed anywhere near him, he’d continue to try to control me – not just my choice of career, but my whole life”.

“So you decided to get away”.

“Yeah. I talked about things with Owen and Wendy from time to time, and it was actually Wendy who first asked me if I’d ever thought of teaching overseas. At first I dismissed the idea – there were lots of things I liked about living in England, and of course I knew I’d miss Becca and Mum, not to mention Owen and Wendy and the whole folk music community in Oxford. But then I got talking with Scott Carter one day – he was in my PGCE courses, and he was from Toronto. He was the one who told me there was a need for teachers in rural schools on the prairies, and I thought, why not? It might be an adventure, and it would certainly be a relief to get away from Dad’s constant need to control my life. So I made some inquiries, and then secretly began applying for jobs. I lied to my family – to all of them, not just Dad, but Mum and Becca too”. I shook my head; “I just couldn’t bring myself to tell Becca what was going on. I told them all that I was following a job opportunity in Reading, which isn’t that far from Oxford. But eventually, of course, the truth came out”.

“That must have been pretty ugly”.

“You could say that”.

“How did it happen?”

“Two weeks before I flew over here, we were all together one afternoon in Mum and Dad’s living room, and I told them I was very sorry, I hadn’t been honest with them, I’d applied for a job in Canada and I’d got it, and I’d be moving in two weeks. There was this long silence; Rick didn’t say a word, but Mum started to cry, and Becca started to cry, and then Dad started to yell. He called me a fool and an idiot and a sneaking liar, and then he picked up his walking cane and started to hit me across the back with it”.

Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God!”

I nodded; “You can cause a lot of pain with a walking cane, and my dad’s a strong man. Mum was sobbing and begging him to stop; fortunately I was able to get away from him before he did any serious damage; I went over to Owen’s parents’ house, and that’s where I stayed until I left. I went back home a couple of times while Dad was at work, so I could pick up all the remaining stuff I had at the house, but I never went back there again while Dad was home. Mum came over to Owen’s the day before I left to say goodbye”.

“And Becca?”

I suddenly found I couldn’t speak; I got up again and went back to the window, struggling to control my emotions. After a moment, with my back still turned to her, I said, “I’ll never forget the look on her face that night; she was absolutely stricken. She’d had no idea I was even considering a move like this, and I know she was devastated. Since then, she hasn’t spoken or written to me; she’s so angry and hurt that I deceived her. I write to her regularly, but she won’t read my letters; she just rips them up and throws them away”.

I heard her get up again, and I felt her hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Tom”, she said quietly.

I shook my head and turned toward her. “No-one’s to blame but me”.

“It was a difficult situation; you were probably afraid that if your dad knew what you were planning, he’d find a way to stop you”.

“That’s exactly what I was afraid of”.

“So you felt trapped”.

“I really did”.

She looked up at me, and I saw the concern on her face. “Would it be okay if I gave you a hug?” she asked.

I nodded wordlessly, and she put her arms around me and drew me close. “You’ve been keeping this locked up inside, haven’t you?”.

“Probably”.

“It’s okay, Tom”.

“Is it?”

She stepped back and looked up at me again. “I think it’s great that you care so much about your sister”.

I found myself blinking back the tears. “Thank you”, I whispered, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

“You’re welcome. Do you need a minute?”

I shook my head. “I’m alright, thanks. A bit frayed around the edges, but I’ll be okay”.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Shall we sit down again?”

“Okay”.

I sat down on the couch, and she took her seat beside me. I was quiet for a moment, my eyes down. Eventually I took a deep breath and said, “I gave up on achieving any sort of positive relationship with my dad a long time ago, but I wish I could have found a way to tell Becca about my move. I was just afraid that if she knew, whenever I told her, she’d be so upset that she wouldn’t be able to keep it to herself, and I knew I had to keep it secret from my dad until all the arrangements were in place”.

“Of course”.

“But I was wrong; I know I was. Owen told me I should have been open with them all from the beginning, and he was right. No matter what it cost me, I really shouldn’t have lied to Becca; she didn’t deserve that. I just wish I could talk to her, so I could tell her I’m sorry”.

“One day you will. She won’t be mad at you forever”.

“It seems like forever already”.

“I know, but it’s not – it’s only five months”.

“Yes, but every week that goes by with no word from her makes it seem even less likely that I’ll ever hear from her again”.

“You will”, she said, squeezing my hand; “It might be a long time, but you will”.

“I hope so”.

She looked at me in silence for a moment, and then she nodded and said, “So you came here to get away from the mess at home”.

“Yes. I’d like to say that it was the attractions of Meadowvale that brought me, but it wasn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth back at Thanksgiving when you asked me why I came here”.

“I totally understand”, she said softly. “You were sitting in a room full of strangers; you weren’t about to spill the whole story in front of all of us”.

“No”.

“You must miss England a lot”.

I thought for a moment, and then gave a little nod. “There are people I miss, of course – especially Becca and Mum, and Owen and Wendy, and Auntie Brenda and Uncle Roy. And I love the English countryside – it’s much greener than here, probably because of all the rain, and I like the winding roads and the really old villages and all that. And there’s nothing really like English folk music over here, so I feel a bit like a fish out of water that way too”.

“Are you going to go back?”

“I don’t know. Nothing’s changed at home. I had a letter from Dad at the end of November; he tore a strip off me for being so foolish as to choose teaching over Law, and for being so ungrateful to him for all the money he put into my education, and for lying to him and Mum – and, of course, for being so stupid as to leave Oxford to come to a place like Meadowvale”.

“Wow”.

“Yes. It was the first letter I’ve had from him since I came here; I hope it’s the last”.

“No kidding”.

“So all the reasons why I left home are still valid; everything’s still the same”. I grinned at her. “And to tell you the truth, I can feel Meadowvale growing on me”.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Your mum and dad and your whole family have been so kind to me – I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life. I like most of the people I’ve met here, and I like having my own place and being accepted for who I am, even though the old timers think I’m an English hippy with long hair and a beard”.

“Don’t worry about that; lots of the guys I went to school with had long hair, and some of them even tried to grow beards”.

“Have they all moved away?”

She laughed; “I guess a lot of them have. Some of them are still here, though”. She drank some of her coffee, set it down on the table, and looked at me seriously again. “So you like my mom and dad, but you didn’t accept their invitation to join them for Christmas dinner?”

I shook my head. “Your family are so close and warm and loving, and honestly, Kelly, I’ve been such a wreck for the last couple of days that I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep it together and act cheerful in the middle of all that”.

“Right”.

“I hope they weren’t offended?”

“No, of course not”. She gave me a little frown; “So what have you been doing all by yourself since the Christmas Eve service?”

I shrugged; “I’ve been for a couple of long walks at Myers Lake”.

“Sounds like a good tonic for the soul”.

“Yes; it’s been cold, of course, but sunny and bright, too. And I’ve read a lot, and listened to some music, and played old folk songs…”

“Reminding yourself of the friends you used to play music with?”

“Sounds pretty maudlin, doesn’t it?”

“No; it sounds perfectly natural”.

“Thank you”.

“And now you want me to change the subject, don’t you?”

I gave her a sheepish grin. “I really do; would you mind?”

“Of course not!” She smiled at me again; “So, I’m here for a week”.

“What are you going to do with yourself?”

“Visit with my family, and go out to the farm and spoil my horse, and play Scrabble with my brother and sister, and help my future sister-in-law plan her wedding, and have tea with my grandparents and some of my cousins, and hopefully spend some quality time with my favourite Englishman”.

“Am I your favourite Englishman?”

“Well, you’re the only one I know, so I admit the competition isn’t exactly fierce, but if I knew any others, you’d still be my favourite Englishman”.

“Ah, be still my beating heart!”

We laughed, and then she made a sweeping gesture toward my bookshelves and said, “And I might just look through some of your books, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is”.

“And I’d like to join you in a couple of walks at Myers Lake, and listen to you sing me some of those old folk songs, and maybe, if you’re interested, we could talk some more about Christianity”.

“I’d like that. And oh yes, you’ve just reminded me of something”. I got to my feet, slipped into my bedroom, came back out again a moment later and handed her a flat parcel wrapped in Christmas paper. “Merry Christmas, Kelly”.

“You got me a Christmas present?” She held the parcel for a minute, and then I saw the realization beginning to dawn on her face; “Oh, I know what this is!”

“Well then, open it!”

I had never seen anyone, not even Becca when she was young, rip into a parcel that quickly. The paper was flying everywhere for a few seconds, and then she was holding the two Nic Jones LP records in her hands. “Thank you! I can’t tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to hearing these!”

“Well, that’s good then!”

“I’ve got a Christmas present for you, too, but it’s back at Mom and Dad’s. Which reminds me: Mom told me to ask you if you could please, please, come over to their place for supper tonight; she’s been a little worried about you. But now that I know what’s going on, if you’d rather just stay home, then say so; I’ll make excuses”.

I shook my head; “No, I think I’ll be all right now, thanks to you”.

“Good”.

“Who’s going to be there?”

“Well, Krista’s home of course, and she has a new boyfriend”.

“I heard about that. He’s from here, right?”

“Yeah, he is. Joe and Ellie will be there too, and Ellie’s bringing her fiddle, so Dad told me to ask you to bring your guitar if you came”.

“Okay”.

“Good. And when you get there, I’ll give you your present”.

“I’ll look forward to that. And I’ve just realized I forgot to ask Joe on Christmas Eve whether Ellie got the job she interviewed for”.

“She did; she starts January 15th”.

“So she’ll be moving to Meadowvale, then?”

“Yes”.

“But she’s not moving in with Joe yet”.

“No, that’s not their style”.

“That’s what I thought. So they won’t live together until after the wedding?”

“No”.

“I bet the next five months are going to go very, very slowly for them!”

She grinned; “I’m guessing so!”

I got to my feet. “So – music, or Myers Lake?”

“Do I have to choose?”

I laughed. “Music, and Myers Lake, then! Shall we do Myers Lake first, while the sun’s shining?”

“Absolutely!”

We spent most of the day together; we walked the trails at Myers Lake for a couple of hours until we were frozen, and then went back to my place to thaw out over a bowl of soup and a pot of tea. I played a few songs for her, and she was impressed enough to draw me into another long conversation about traditional folk music.

In the middle of the afternoon she coaxed me into walking over with her to visit Don and Lynda Robinson. They had two little girls, Amy who was seven and Beth who was four, and that was when I discovered that Kelly loved kids. She played with Amy and Beth and read to them, while Don and Lynda poured us coffee and told me stories about Coppermine, the Arctic community where they had lived for five years. “The Arctic was great”, Don observed, “and we had a good time there. But we were just having our adventure; we always planned to move back to Saskatchewan in the end”.

“Didn’t think it would be Meadowvale, though”, Lynda added; “That was a piece of luck”.

“You were glad to come home?” I asked.

“We were”, Don replied.

“So you’re both from around here, then? I know you are, Don, because your mum’s Sally’s sister, right?”

“Yeah, they’re both from the Wiens family. It’s a big family, as you might have heard”.

“But your dad isn’t a Mennonite?”

“No – Dad was born in England, but my grandparents brought him to Meadowvale when he was one. They were homesteaders; their farm’s about eight miles out of town”.

“Your dad didn’t take it over, though?”

“No – he always liked building things, so he taught himself the carpentry trade. He’s got his own business now – construction, home renovations, that sort of thing”.

“What about you, Lynda?”

“I was born a Miller”, she said; “My mom and dad are George and Hazel Miller. They farm about six miles south of town. They were both born here, but their parents were immigrants from the old country”.

“England?”

“Yeah”.

“It seems like everyone here is from somewhere else originally”.

“I guess that’s true”, Don replied, “unless you’re Cree. How about you; is your family all pretty well from the place where you grew up?”

“Yes, we’re from Oxford on both sides of the family, but we weren’t especially close. My dad’s one of four siblings but the other three all moved to London, and we’ve never seen very much of them; they’ve never been a very close family, at least not that I remember. My mum only has one sister, and she’s stayed in Oxford; they’re pretty close, but Auntie Brenda and Uncle Roy haven’t got any children, so I grew up without much contact with cousins”.

Lynda grinned; “That’s hard to imagine! I’ve long since lost count of how many cousins I have”.

“Me too”, Don agreed, “especially on the Wiens side of the family”.

After about an hour of visiting with Don and Lynda, Kelly and I wandered back over to my house to pick up my guitar, and then made our way over to the Reimers’, where Kelly gave me my Christmas present, a thick wool tuque and a long knit scarf.

“Did you make the scarf?” I asked as I wound it around my neck.

“I did, but I didn’t make the tuque”.

“I didn’t know you were a knitter”.

“I don’t do it very often, but I enjoy it when I do”.

We had a long and relaxed meal with Will and Sally, Joe and Ellie, and Krista and her new boyfriend Steve Janzen. “Steve’s kind of related to us”, Kelly explained to me while we were all sitting around the supper table.

“Oh, how’s that?”

“Well – Don, who we were with this afternoon, is my first cousin; he’s the oldest of Aunt Rachel and Uncle Mike’s kids. The next one is Ruth, and she’s married to one of Uncle Mike’s carpenters, John Janzen”.

“And you’re related to him?” I asked Steve.

“I’m his youngest brother”.

“So he’s related to you by marriage”, I said to Kelly.

“Right”.

“But not by marriage to anyone in your immediate family?”

“What do you think we are”, Joe asked with a grin, “the British monarchy?”

During the meal I asked Krista how her caribou were doing; she smiled and said, “I’m spending a lot of time tracking them and watching them right now, as well as researching statistical information from park records over the past twenty years. But I won’t be ready to draw any conclusions for a while yet. Ideally, this study would take ten years, but of course, I’d like to get my thesis done a lot sooner than that!”

“I’m glad to be seeing a lot of her”, Kelly added; “She’s up in Jasper at least half the time now, and, of course, she’s mooching at my place!”

“Are you doing a thesis too, Steve?” I asked.

“Yeah – I’m looking for whooping cranes”.

“Are they hard to find?”

“Well, in the 1940s there were only about fifteen of them left”.

I stared at him; “Fifteen?”

“Yeah, they don’t cohabit very well with humans. But they’ve been protected for a while, and we think there might be a hundred or a hundred and fifty now. I’m trying to get a handle on how many there are, and how effective the conservation measures have been”.

“So you’re outdoors a lot too?”

“Well, not at the moment, since the cranes are in Texas for the winter, but in April they’ll migrate to northern Alberta, so that’s where I’ll be spending my summer”.

Krista grinned; “He’s going down to Texas next month to try to find them”.

“Are you taking your girlfriend along?” I asked him.

“I just might”, he replied with a slow smile.

Toward the end of the meal Sally went out to the kitchen, came back with a camera, and snapped a photograph of Joe and Ellie, Krista and Steve, and Kelly and me. “I need a picture of my three kids with their dates”, she said with a smile.

“Good idea!” Will agreed.

Kelly glanced quickly at me; “Tom and I aren’t dating”.

Sally shrugged and gave us a mischievous grin; “Whatever you want to call it, honey”.

After supper the three Reimer siblings and I had another game of Scrabble, which Kelly won handily. Then Will got his guitar out and asked if Ellie and I would like to jam with him for a while, so we went into the living room and played music for an hour or so. Ellie was a very good fiddler and she and Will were obviously used to playing together, but the tunes they played were not difficult to follow and I enjoyed filling in some lead guitar lines for them.

Later on, at about nine-thirty, Kelly went rummaging in the fridge, found a half-empty bottle of wine, and helped herself to a couple of glasses from the top cupboard. “Want to come down to the basement for a while?” she asked me.

“If you like, but I should get going before too long”.

“No hurry: you’re on holiday, right?”

I laughed; “I suppose I am!”

“Well, that’s good then”. She grinned at her dad; “Tom and I are going down to the den to keep company with a bottle of wine for a while”.

“Be sure to lock the door behind him when he leaves”.

There was a finished family room down in the basement, with an old couch and a couple of easy chairs, a coffee table, a TV, an old cabinet stereo system, and a whole wall of bookshelves. Kelly turned on a standing lamp, lit a candle, poured us each a glass of wine and then sat down in one of the easy chairs, putting her feet up on the coffee table. “Cheers”, she said, raising her glass toward me.

“Cheers”.

We both sipped at our wine for a moment, and then I said, “I’m flattered, but you don’t have to keep leaving the rest of your family behind to spend time with me”.

She grinned; “Are you afraid people are going to start talking, Tom Masefield?”

“No, of course not”.

“Neither am I; I talk to anyone I like and I don’t take any notice of what people think of it”.

“Funny – I could have sworn that you were a bit embarrassed when your mum said she was taking a picture of her three kids ‘and their dates’ ”.

“I didn’t know what you would think, that’s all”.

“I was fine with it”.

“Good to know”. She looked at me seriously and said, “So, has there ever been anyone significant?”

I shrugged; “I’ve dated girls. How about you?”

“We’re not done with you yet!”

“Nothing more to tell, really”.

“You’re telling me your heart’s never been seriously threatened?”

I took a deep breath, looked at her, and said, “I wouldn’t say that”.

“Ah”, she replied triumphantly, “so there has been someone…!”

“Yes, but despite the fact that you are a very open and honest person and I like you very much…”

“You’re not ready to talk about it yet?”

I shook my head; “No”.

“Okay. I’ve had a couple of boyfriends myself”.

“Local boys?”

“No – guys I met in university in Saskatoon”.

“Serious?”

“The second one was. His name was Mike and he was studying to become a phys. ed. teacher”.

“You must have been playing sports of some kind when you met”.

“Funnily enough, although I love being outdoors and active, I’m not a big fan of competitive sports”.

“Right – I should have noticed that”.

“Actually, we met because we were both working part-time jobs at the same coffee shop on campus. We were an item for about a year, and then he broke my heart”.

“I’m sorry; what happened?”

“He met someone else, and he liked her better”.

I shook my head; “That’s frankly unbelievable to me”.

She grinned; “It’s nice of you to say so, but it surely isn’t hard for you to understand how a person might decide, after a year with me, that they’d like a quieter life with someone who didn’t talk so much!”

We both laughed, and then I took a sip of my wine and said, “Are you over him?”

“Oh yeah; it’s been three years now”.

“So are you planning on staying in Jasper for a long time?”

She shook her head. “It’s not that I don’t love the place; it’s a dream come true for me to have the chance to live there. But I don’t want to be a ward nurse for the rest of my career”.

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to be a geriatric nurse”.

“You want to work with old people?”

“I do”.

“Why?”

“Because I really like old people”.

“Now that isn’t something you hear very often”.

“I guess not, but it’s true. I love it when my grandparents tell stories about what it was like when they came over here from Russia in the 1920s; I really admire that generation for all the hardships they went through. And I don’t like the way our society pushes old people off to one side and makes decisions about their future based on our convenience, not theirs”.

“You feel really strongly about this, don’t you?”

“I do. I think old people deserve to keep their freedom and dignity for as long as possible, and I think we should be preserving their stories and passing them on, so that the next generation knows what life was like in harder times”.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Well, since you ask, as soon as the snow is off the ground in the spring, there’s a new seniors’ home being built here in Meadowvale”.

“A seniors’ home?”

“Yeah – that might not be what it’s eventually called, but you get the idea. It’ll have space for sixty rooms, some of them self-catering, and there’ll be staff, including an R.N.”.

“That’s where you come in?”

“Yes; they’ll be advertising for the position in the spring, and I’ll be putting my name in”.

“When will the place be finished?”

“Hopefully by late Fall”.

“So you might be moving back to Meadowvale by Thanksgiving”.

“If all goes according to plan, yes”.

“Well”, I said, picking up my wine glass, “Let’s drink to that”.

“Alright!”

We both raised our glasses, smiled at each other, and sipped at our wine. “Now” she said, “are you ready to listen to some Bruce Cockburn?”

“Sounds like a good idea”.

“Good!” she replied, getting to her feet and going over to the stereo. “I just happen to have some of my LPs down here”.

We spent a lot of time together that week. Most days, she came over to my house for a cup of coffee or tea in the mornings; sometimes she browsed my bookshelves and we talked about books for a while, and sometimes she listened to my records, or I played some songs for her. We went for a couple of walks at Myers Lake, and she gave me my first ever cross-country skiing lesson, which I quite enjoyed, once I got over my fear of losing control and falling. One day we drove out to Hugo and Millie’s farm so that she could visit with her horse; it turned out that Joe and Corey were there as well, and the four of us bundled up against the cold and went riding for a while. Afterwards Joe and Kelly rubbed the horses down and made a hot mash for them, and then we went into the house and had coffee with Hugo and Millie. And a couple of times at Will and Sally’s we went down to the basement again and talked far into the night about Christianity.

She had brought a photograph album with her, and I was captivated by her pictures of Jasper. On the last night before she went back, she and I were sitting on the couch in Will and Sally’s basement looking through the album again, and she said, “You should come and visit me, and I’ll take you out and show you some of the scenery”.

“I would really like that”.

“You have holidays at Easter, right?”

“I do”.

“Come then. It won’t be the best time, with the spring melt and everything, but it could still be really enjoyable”.

I looked at her as she sat beside me on the couch; she was dressed as usual in jeans and sweater, and her hair was tied back in a thick braid. “I’d stay at your apartment, then?”

“Yeah – that is, if you don’t mind?” She paused for a moment, giving me an awkward glance, and then added, “I have a spare room”.

“Right”.

“So – what do you think?”

“I’ll let you know, but at the moment it sounds pretty good”.

“Great! I don’t think I’ll be back here again until Joe and Ellie’s wedding”.

“That’s in May, right?”

“Victoria Day weekend, toward the end of May”.

“Are you a bridesmaid?”

“I am, actually”. She frowned; “When is Easter this year?”

“Early April, I think; I remember looking at it on the school calendar when I started”.

“Okay, so it’ll be springtime in Meadowvale, but you’ll need to remember that Jasper’s a lot higher, so there’ll still be a lot of snow on the mountains, and maybe even some in town too”.

A Christian denomination is like a family. Lord knows, there are times you feel like leaving. Lord knows, there are times that other families look really good. Families where discipleship is much more front and centre, and is a value acknowledged by everyone. Families where you don’t have to argue the case for evangelism all the time. Families where people’s Bibles are well-worn because they’re read every day. Families where they don’t think that no ministry is real unless the person doing it is wearing a clerical collar.

Still, I know that every denomination is a rusty bucket. As you get older, you realize that one of the advantages of staying in your own particular rusty bucket is that you know where the rust spots are, and you also know where the strengths can be found.

I’m not sure I’m fully aware of all the reasons I’m still here, reasonably happy in this particular Christian tradition. I suspect that not all of them are rational reasons. Still, here are four that stand out for me.

First, this is the church I was born into. I was baptized at St. Barnabas’, Leicester on December 28th 1958, raised in the Church of England, came to the Anglican Church of Canada when we moved to Canada in 1975, and I’ve ministered in it since May 1978. I know its customs and traditions very well. I know the family history, I know the skeletons in the closet, and I have deep and lasting friendships with literally hundreds of colleagues and fellow Christians, in Canada and the United States, in England and Scotland and beyond, who follow the Anglican Way. That sort of history and networking is not something you abandon lightly. The phrase ‘bonds of affection’ is sometimes used to describe the ties that keep the worldwide Anglican Communion together; in my case, those bonds are very real.

Second, the liturgy. I’m not attracted to churches where the Sunday service consists of ‘sing, sing, sing, make announcements, preach, preach, preach, then go home’. I love the comprehensiveness of a good liturgical service: welcome, public reading of scripture, preaching, creed, intercessory prayer, confession, taking the bread and wine, prayer of consecration, sharing communion, closing prayers. Everything is there and nothing is left out. And because it’s a written liturgy, the congregation can participate; they aren’t reduced to listening passively to the pastor’s brilliance. I also like the fact that most of our liturgies are historic; they are based on ancient prayers passed down through the years. The oldest parts, of course, are the psalms that were the bedrock of the prayer life of Jesus, and the Lord’s Prayer that he himself taught us to say. I love all of this. I don’t care whether it’s Book of Common Prayer or Book of Alternative Services – I’m good with them both, and I know they’re good for my soul.

Third, C.S. Lewis. This Anglican writer (who called himself a ‘mere Christian’) has been a
reliable spiritual guide for me since the late 1970s. I’ve read almost every book and letter and article he ever wrote – some of them I’ve read so many times I almost know them by heart. He feeds my mind, nourishes my Christian imagination, and lays out for me a ‘common sense’ way of following Jesus. I don’t agree with everything he says, but that doesn’t matter; there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s my elder brother in Christ, and my most important mentor – even though he died in 1963.

Finally (and I think it’s important to be honest here!), the General Synod Pension Plan. Yes, I’m old enough to know that this is definitely a factor in my thinking! It is for most of us who are Anglican clergy, but not all of us will admit it. It’s not a gold-plated plan; it will pay me about 52% of my current salary if I retire after forty years, or a little more if I go further, which will certainly require some major belt-tightening, but that will be enough to give me a level of security and allow me to continue to minister in ways that interest me for as long as I feel able to do so.

These are the four most important reasons I’m aware of why I’m still an Anglican. I was raised in the evangelical clan of Anglicanism, and that gives me ties outside Anglicanism with other evangelicals. Also, in recent years I’ve explored the riches of the Anabaptist tradition and rejoiced in the strengths it brings in areas where we Anglicans are weak. But for now (who can predict the future?) I’m still following Jesus as an Anglican, and I can’t see any strong likelihood of that changing in the immediate future.

Thanks for your letter of October 6th that I received yesterday. Sounds like you and Lorraine are getting on quite well.

I met an interesting girl this past week. She’s Will Reimer’s daughter, her name is Kelly, and she’s a nurse in Jasper, in the Rocky Mountains.

Will invited me to join his family on Sunday for Thanksgiving supper, which is a big thing over here. People cook turkey with all the trimmings, and pumpkin pie, and have big family gatherings. There were about twelve of us at the Reimers’, including all three of Will and Sally’s children. Their oldest, Joe, had his fiancée Ellie Finlay there too. Joe is a vet and lives here in Meadowvale, but this was the first time I had met him.

Kelly is my age and very pretty, with long blond hair and a really outgoing personality. We had a good talk on Sunday night, and Monday she drove me out to Myers Lake Recreation Area, a few miles north of town. I can’t believe no one’s told me about Myers Lake until now! It’s a beautiful place with miles of walking trails by the lakeshore and through woodlands with aspen, spruce, and poplar trees. Most of the leaves have fallen from the aspens and poplars, but spruce are evergreen, as you know, so the effect was really striking. Kelly’s an outdoor sort of person and really likes walking, so as you can imagine we hit it off quite nicely.

You’ll also be interested to hear that she seems to be on a spiritual journey. She walked away from her Mennonite church background for a few years, but now she seems to be trying to find her way back in. She and I had an interesting talk about Christianity and Jesus – very much like the kind of talks you and I have been having over the last few years. I also discovered that Mennonites don’t baptize babies; you have to be an adult so that you know what you’re doing. I suppose I knew that there were Christians who believed that, but I’ve never spoken to one of them before (not that Kelly is a Christian at the moment, or at least, not yet).

When we got back to my place after our walk she asked me to play her some music, so I got the guitar out and sang her some of our traditional songs – ‘The Snow it Melts the Soonest’, ‘Lord Franklin’, ‘John Barleycorn’and a couple of others. She likes music, but like most people here she doesn’t know much about traditional folk music. She seemed to enjoy it though. I ended up giving her some lunch, and later on she took me over to visit her grandmother, Will’s mother; her name is Erika Reimer and she was born in Russia. Apparently there was some sort of major persecution of Mennonites in Russia under Lenin in the early 1920s and a lot of them fled the country if they could. Will’s parents came here in 1924, broke the land, and built a homestead. She was telling me about some of their experiences in those early days; all I can say is, those people must have been tough.

I think Kelly went back to Jasper on Wednesday. Last night I was doing some marking after supper when there was a knock on the door and her brother Joe was there. Apparently he had enjoyed meeting me on Sunday night and wanted to get to know me a little better, so I made him a pot of coffee and we chatted for an hour or so. He’s quite different from Kelly; she’s very up front, whereas he’s quieter and more reserved (more like me, in fact!). He told me some things about the history of the town and their family, and he asked me about England and Oxford. He said that Kelly had told him about our conversation. Joe, it seems, is a pretty convinced Christian, but not pushy about it. He and Ellie are getting married in the spring, and apparently she’s a bluegrass fiddler. She was born in Humboldt (a town south of here), but at the moment she’s living in Saskatoon.

I still haven’t heard anything else from Wendy, and I’m beginning to think that her omission of an exact return address on her last letter was intentional, and that she really doesn’t want to have any contact with me. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised; as you know, things were totally messed up between us when I left. I wrote back to her, care of her old address, and I’m assuming her landlady would have forwarded it again, since she obviously has her London address (or how would Wendy have received my last letter?). But I think I’ve reached the point of giving up on that; if she doesn’t want to have any contact with me, there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t help feeling a little sad about it, though.

The other thing that’s really hurtful is that Becca doesn’t seem to want to know me either. I’ve continued to write to her, but Mum says that she doesn’t read my letters, she just throws them away. I don’t know what to do about that. Again, I can’t really blame her; she thought I was being totally honest with her, but all the time I was planning this move I didn’t tell her anything. I feel like I’ve really let her down and betrayed her. I wish I could talk to her and apologize and just have some sense that we could rebuild things.

My father of course has been totally silent, but then, after what he did to me, it’s up to him to make the first move. As far as I’m concerned, he’s burnt that bridge, and he can rebuild it.

How’s the hospital going? Are you going to be there for a while? I’m a little unclear about this stage of your medical training.

Well, it’s late Friday night and I’m tired after a day’s work and an evening of marking, so I’ll stop here. Write soon and give me all your news.

Cheers,

Tom

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Flat No. 3, 76 Albert Street,
Headington, Oxford
Oct. 23rd 1982

Dear Tom:

Thanks for your letter about Kelly and Joe that I received yesterday. I was up at the hospital for a twelve hour shift today so I know you’ll forgive me if I just make this a short one tonight and maybe add a bit more tomorrow. By the way, yes, I’ll be at the hospital until Christmas, and then probably in a general practice or some other medical setting for a few months after that. This two years of house officer training is supposed to give me exposure to several different sorts of medical practice before I choose a specialty, which I will then train in for a few more years. In my case, I’m already sure that I want to be a GP, but quite a few of my colleagues here haven’t made their minds up yet.

Kelly sounds delightful and it’s obvious that you enjoyed her company. And yes, I think you’re right to turn the page when it comes to Wendy. It’s hard, because the three of us have been good friends for the past two years, and you two had become much closer in the last few months. I still find it hard to believe that she went back to Mickey after all he put her through, but then, human beings are complicated and sometimes we do very strange things.

Before I forget, Dad asked to be remembered to you and he says he’ll answer your last letter when he’s had a bit more time to think about it. He seems pleased to hear from you. He and Mum are doing well.

What else have I been up to? Well, Steve and I (my brother Steve, that is, not Steve Francis) have started playing badminton together on Saturday mornings; you might remember that we used to do that when we were teenagers. Ian Redding and I went out for a drink one night; he’s at the same hospital as me but we’re not usually on the same shifts. But the biggest thing is that I’ve been getting a band together to play at church. We had our first practice this week. It’s people from the church, so you probably don’t know any of them, but just for information, this is the list so far: Dave Bradshaw on guitar and vocals, Dan Pargeter on bass, Garth Hacking on percussion, and me on guitar and vocals.

Right, bed; talk to you tomorrow.

Oct. 25th 1982

Hello again. As you can see I didn’t get right back to the letter, since yesterday I did another twelve hours at the hospital and then Lorraine and I went out for a drink last night. Afterwards we went back to her digs (you’ll remember that she lives with her sister) and she showed me some of the water colours she’s been working on. All very good, I hope she can make some money at it soon.

As for the big question: no, we’re not at the point where we’re calling each other ‘boyfriend’and ‘girlfriend’. She wants to take it slow; I get the idea she had a bad experience with someone when she was at art school, but it’s one of the many things I don’t know about her yet. You introverts can be maddeningly difficult to get to know sometimes!

I’ll be very interested to hear of any continuing conversations between you and Kelly about Christianity – or you and Joe, for that matter – although I suppose with Kelly in Jasper (which I just looked up on a map, and realized once again what an enormous country you live in!), it’s not likely the conversations will be thick and fast, is it?

Okay, that’s it for me tonight. I’ll post this tomorrow and try to do better next time. Maybe I should write to you on days off after I’ve had a good night’s sleep!

Cheers to you too,

Owen

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P.O. Box 373
Jasper, Alberta
Oct. 28th 1982

Dear Tom:

Are you surprised to hear from me? Well, never mind; I wanted to write to tell you that I ordered that Nic Jones album you told me about, ‘Penguin Eggs’, and it came yesterday. Since then I’ve played it three times, and I absolutely love it. Nic Jones has the quintessential English folk singer’s voice, doesn’t he? Not that your voice is all that shabby, either, Tom Masefield, but this guy is amazing! And I’m obviously not qualified to comment on his guitar playing, but it sounds really good to me. What a fantastic discovery! Thank you! Does he have any more albums that I should collect?

Anyway, I’m writing to you on a day off; it’s about ten in the morning and I’m sitting in the living room of my apartment, drinking tea and looking out on a beautiful Jasper skyline. You don’t know the town, of course, but if I were to tell you that I can see Whistler’s Mountain and Mount Edith Cavell from my living room windows, that might give you an idea of what I’m looking at. I should send you a photograph; maybe I’ll do that next time. There’s been snowfall high in the mountains for the last few days, and we’ve had some in town too, although it looks like a warm day today so it might melt. But I’m starting to get excited about Marmot Basin opening up – that’s our local ski resort, a few miles south of the town site, and it usually opens in late November. Imagine skiing down steep mountainsides with trees flashing past on either side? It scared me when I first tried it, but now I love it.

I’ve thought a lot about our conversations since I got back to Jasper. Sorry if I treated you like a curiosity, but, if you’ll forgive me for saying so, I grew up with a very predictable type of guy, and you’re different, which was refreshing! I like to think that I’m not uptight, but a lot of the high school culture I grew up in was all about drinking and partying and coupling, and I was never really into that, even after I stopped going to church. Anyway, it was really nice to have some intelligent conversations of the sort that I don’t get with too many other guys except my brother, God love him!

But I need to ask you to forgive me for being too pushy; I don’t have the right to go charging into your private business, especially when it concerns your family. I guess I’ve been very, very lucky with my family; my mom and dad have always been warm and loving and completely supportive of everything I wanted to do. Even when I stopped going to church, which I know was hard for them, I never felt they were mad at me or saw me as a problem that they needed to fix. Why am I saying this? Well, I get the idea that there’s a lot of pain in your relationship with your family. I may be way off base here, in which case, I apologize, but I don’t think I am. And if I’m right, I’m sorry, Tom. If the time comes when you want to talk about it, I’ll be happy to listen, and I want to assure you that even though Joe says I never have an unspoken thought, one thing I never speak is the stories people tell me about themselves. That’s part of being a nurse, I guess. Okay, now I’ll back off, and it won’t be mentioned again between us unless you mention it.

As for Christianity – I think you’re right, I think I’m on my way back into it. I just don’t want to rush in and declare myself before I get answers to some of my questions. Not that I expect to get answers to all of them – Joe says I need to accept that life is full of mysteries, and I guess he’s probably right.

Are you interested? You sounded as if you were.

By the way, thanks for coming with me to visit Grandma Reimer. I’ve always gotten along well with all my grandparents, but for some reason I was closer to Dad’s parents than Mom’s – although Opa (that’s the German word for ‘Grandpa’ – we used to call them ‘Opa’ and ‘Oma’ when we were little) was a little more reserved and harder to get closer to. When we were little kids and living in Rosthern, we used to stay at their place when we went home to Meadowvale. They were still living out at the farm in those days. Rosthern’s not far, so we often just did day visits, but Joe and I sometimes went over for a week at a time in the summer, and we used to help Opa with farm chores – well, we called it ‘helping’, I’m not sure what he thought of it! We moved back to Meadowvale in 1965, and Opa and Oma left the farm and moved into town a year or two after that, I think.

I think Grandma Reimer liked you, anyway! And make sure you take her up on that offer of home-cooked meals; she’s a really good cook, and there’s nothing she likes more than spoiling her grandchildren and their friends (I think you already count as a friend, especially since you hang around with Mom and Dad so much).

Anyway, I’ll finish here and give you time to get over the surprise at hearing from me at all.

Your friend,

Kelly

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Box 981
Meadowvale, Saskatchewan
Nov. 3rd 1982

Dear Kelly:

You’re right, I was surprised. Pleased, though. I’m glad you liked Penguin Eggs. Yes, it’s actually Nic’s fifth and most recent solo album. There are four others, called (in order of release), Ballads and Songs, Nic Jones, The Noah’s Ark Trap, and From the Devil to a Stranger. If you’re interested, I’ll see if I can get Owen to pick you up some copies in the UK. There seems to be some problem with getting these earlier albums now; I don’t really understand what it is. Sadly, Nic was involved in a car accident back in February this year; I understand he was very badly injured and it will be a miracle if he ever plays again. I’ve seen him live several times in Oxford; he was amazing.

As for what you said about my family – well, thank you. Yes, there are issues, and no, I’m not ready to talk about them yet. As you’ve already noticed, I’m not quite as up front as you are. Sorry! I’m sure you really don’t need me to tell you how lucky you are in your family. I did really enjoy spending time with your grandma, and will definitely take her up on her offer of a home-cooked meal before too long.

Jasper sounds great and I’d love to see it. Maybe I’ll get up there one of these days. I’m not sure I’ll be brave enough to try downhill skiing, though!

Christianity. Hmm.

Well, I’ve sat and looked at the page for ten minutes now. I should just stop thinking and start writing.

Yes, I am interested. I can say with some confidence that I’ve attended church maybe twenty times in my life – once to be christened (which I don’t remember), once when my brother Rick was christened (which I don’t remember), once when Becca was christened (which I remember quite well) and then every year on Christmas Eve until I was about eighteen. I have to say that although I’m quite interested in history, the Church of England generally leaves me totally cold. But then, I know enough to wonder if it’s exactly what Jesus had in mind.

Like you, I tend to think that the balance of probability is on the side of the existence of a God of some kind. And like you, I find Jesus quite admirable. But I’ve got lots of questions. Whose picture of God is the right one? Plato’s? Muhammad’s? Moses’? Jesus’? The Pope’s? Yes, they have a lot in common, but there are differences, too. And as you said, it seems a bit arrogant to assume that the religion we happen to have been born into (well, I wasn’t really born into it, but I was born in a country with a Christian history) just happens to have got everything right about God.

But I can’t claim to have had experiences of God, as some people have. I wish I had. Maybe it would help me deal with the questions.

I do know that I’m totally done with the idea that wealth and success have anything to do with real life. I’ve seen that close up, and it just leaves me cold. As far as I can see it poisons people’s souls, wrecks their families and sets them in competition with each other when they should be helping each other out. Not that I want to live my life in poverty; far from it! I want to have a comfortable place to live and a meaningful job so that I can provide for my family (if I’m lucky enough to have one, one of these days). But I’ve seen what greed and avarice can do to people’s lives and I want none of it. If I’m interested in finding a spiritual dimension to life, it’s probably because I’ve seen how bankrupt a totally materialistic life can be.

Now I’ve surprised myself, because I’ve opened the door for you a bit wider than I thought I would. Shall I tear it up and start again? No, probably not.

We had a light dusting of snow here today too. Your dad tells me it will be here to stay in a few weeks.

Thanks for writing; I enjoyed your letter very much.

Cheers,

Tom

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Box 981
Meadowvale, Saskatchewan
Nov. 6th 1982

Dear Owen:

I’m writing this in the delicatessen in the back of the Co-op on Saturday morning. I’ve taken to coming down here on Saturdays, having a coffee, and then doing my weekly shopping. A number of others have the same idea, so I see some familiar faces. Did I tell you that there are two coffee shops in this town? The other one is the ‘Travellers’ restaurant on the highway beside the Esso station; Will calls it the ‘greasy spoon’because it specializes in the sort of food that causes strokes and heart attacks. I’ve been up there a few times – Joe and I went up there one night for coffee and a chat. It’s full of farmers and truckers in work shirts and baseball caps, and they’ve all known each other all their lives, and when they see me coming in they look at me long and hard and wonder “Who can he possibly be related to in this town?!”Oh, and the coffee’s pretty bad up there, too! So I’ve made the Co-op deli my coffee shop. The drawback is that it’s only open when the Co-op’s open – grocery store hours – while the Travellers is open early in the morning and into the evening too.

Well, it’s snowing today. We had a slight dusting a couple of days ago – the sort of snowfall that melts when it hits the ground – but today it’s colder and it seems to be laying. Maybe this is the beginning of winter. It seems strange to think that back home people were burning bonfires and setting off fireworks last night. They don’t have Guy Fawkes’night in Canada. Not that I miss it; there are things I definitely miss about England, but I was never a big fan of Guy Fawkes’.

A church band? Only a few weeks ago I told Will I’d never heard of anyone playing hymns on guitar. Now you’ve made a liar out of me! Seriously, I hope you enjoy playing with them.

Surprisingly, I had a letter from Kelly. I introduced her to Nic Jones, and she got a copy of Penguin Eggs, which she really likes. Can you find out for me if it’s possible to track down the first four albums? She might be interested.

She certainly seems to be interested in exploring her Christian roots again, and she’s asked me to join her in that – or at least, she’s asked if I’m interested. She’s pretty forward, though, and you know what that does to me; my natural inclination is to back off and clam up. You and I both know that if I ever was to be attracted toward becoming a Christian, part of it would be out of anger toward my dad and the sort of life he lives. I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk with her about that, given that I hardly know her. And what would be the point of starting a spiritual journey with someone if you couldn’t be honest with them? And once I started talking about Dad, one thing would lead to another, and I’d end up saying a lot more than I wanted to.

Anyway, it’s not really fair to Jesus to adopt him so that I can spite my dad, is it?!!!

On another subject, I should mention that last Saturday I rode a horse for the first time in my life. Joe was the instigator. His Uncle Hugo – Will’s brother – has a farm up in Spruce Creek, about fifteen miles north of Meadowvale – you remember me telling you about going up there to help with the harvest a few weeks back? Well, there are some horses up there and apparently one of them is really Kelly’s horse. Joe was going up there to do some regular vet stuff with the horses and he asked me if I’d like to go up with him, it being a Saturday morning. So I went up with him, and he ended up giving me an impromptu riding lesson. I actually quite enjoyed it, although I found it rather terrifying as well. Unlike driving a car, you’ve got absolutely no power over this animal other than the power of persuasion!

P.S. How do you pray? What I mean is, how do you pray? I don’t know why I’ve never asked you this. I’m assuming that prayer is important to Christians. It seems to me like it would be a good sort of ‘field research’ if you were investigating Christianity, right?

T.

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Flat No. 3, 76 Albert Street,
Headington, Oxford
Nov. 14th 1982

Dear Tom:

I’m writing this early on a Sunday morning; I’m not working at the hospital today, so I’m off to church, and our band is playing for the first time. We’ve done a lot of practicing and I think we’re sounding pretty good, but I suppose we’ll find out this morning.

I woke up pretty early, and I’m sitting writing to you with my first cup of tea of the day. After that I’ll pray, which brings me to your question: How do I pray?

I pray in two ways. I try to pray first thing in the morning, in a semi-disciplined sort of way, every day unless I accidentally sleep in. At least, that’s the ideal; I have to confess that I miss some days. And then I pray in a disorganized, ad hoc sort of way through the day when I feel the need of it.

In the morning I usually sit in my chair and have a couple of minutes of silence to start off with, just to orient myself into God’s presence. Then I like to read a passage from the Bible. I read in sequence so I don’t waste time choosing what to read on any given day, I just follow right on where I left off the day before. Quite often the passage will give me something to meditate on. Not always – sometimes it just confuses me, but if that happens I don’t let that bother me. Sometimes I’ll talk to God about what I’ve read.

After I’ve finished reading, I spend a few minutes praying in an informal sort of way. The three sorts of prayer I try to fit in are, first, thanksgiving – thanking God for all his blessings to me – second, confession – saying sorry for my sins, which I try to be specific about – and third, petition – that is, asking for things, for myself and for other people. I like to finish up with the Lord’s Prayer, in case I’ve forgotten anything important.

I should say that I recently read some things in a book by C.S. Lewis about a couple of good rules to follow when we pray. One is never to try to manufacture a religious emotion. It’s tough, because sometimes you read about mystics and others having amazing experiences of the nearness of God, and it can be tempting to try to make that happen. The problem is, the mystics never made it happen. Usually it took them by surprise. So I’m trying to remember to just say my prayers and leave the emotions in God’s hands. That’s a relief, actually; I do often get a sense of peace out of praying, but I don’t tend to have amazing mystical experiences.

The other rule Lewis followed was not to leave his prayers until bed time, which is of course the classic time to pray. That makes a lot of sense to me, because I’m a morning person too. You know how incoherent my letters to you can be when I write them last thing at night! Morning is my best time, so I try to give God my best time.

Like I said, I also pray in a disorganized, ad hoc sort of way during the day. This is entirely according to my sense of need. If I find myself thinking of a friend who needs help during the day, I pray for them. If I’m facing a difficult situation at work, I ask God for help.

I should say that, for variation on the first method, I sometimes go for a walk and pray. I can’t do the Bible reading part when I’m walking, but I like the sense of closeness to nature, especially if I can walk in Shotover Country Park.

Speaking of being outdoors – horseback riding! Next time I see you you’ll probably be a cowboy.

By the way, Lorraine and I have agreed that we’re now ‘going out’, as they say. The more I get to know her, the more I like her. One thing I’ve discovered about her that surprised me is that she’s quite interested in politics (not normally something you associate with water colour artists, is it?!). She’s rather scathing about Maggie, I must say. Still, so are you, as I recall!

Now, back to you and Kelly for a bit.

If you’re really interested in doing any sort of spiritual search, doing it together with someone else is always a good idea. Of course, you and I can always talk about this stuff, but it’s not the same as having a fellow-traveller who’s more or less at the same place you are. You and Kelly can help each other along the way, share your questions and the answers you find (or don’t find), and just generally support each other. And if you’re really going to do that, you’re going to have to take the risk of being honest with her about stuff, Tom. I know that’s a terrifying thought to you, but it sounds to me like she’s the sort of girl you can trust. So why not try opening up a little bit to her and see what happens?

Besides which, a girl who writes you an unexpected letter and likes Nic Jones has got to be good news, don’t you think?

Have you got plans for Christmas? I’m not naive enough to think you’d come back to England, but I wondered if you were going away anywhere?

Right, time to pray and then go get the band set up at church.

Cheers,

Owen

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P.O. Box 373
Jasper, Alberta
November 23rd 1982

Hi Tom:

I’m on two days off. Yesterday Krista and I went downhill skiing for the first time this year (she was up here for a few days doing some field research for her caribou study, and of course she stayed with me). It was a beautiful clear cold day and the sun was shining on the snow, which always makes me feel happy. I had an amazing day. Now today Krista has just left, and I’m sitting having a mid-morning cup of tea in the living room, and thinking of you.

You said that you weren’t ready to talk about your family, and I told you that I would leave that door closed until you were ready to open it. But later on in your letter you did open it a little; you talked about being burned out on materialism, and knowing that it was a bankrupt way of life. You knew that you’d maybe opened the door a little wider than you’d meant to, but you decided not to tear up the letter – you sent it anyway. I’m going to take that as a sign that you’re ready to take a risk.

So I’m reading between the lines and guessing that your parents are the materialistic people you’re talking about – the people whose lives you see as being soul-less and barren. I’m guessing that one or both of them is very rich and successful, but that this has done tragic things to their family life – your family life, growing up – and that you don’t want anything like that to happen to you.

If I’m right, then I’d say that finding a spiritual dimension to your life is even more important for you. I don’t think you should try to avoid it out of fear that you might be over-reacting; you’re not. I’ve seen that sort of life too (thankfully, not in my own parents), and I think you’re right – it is barren.

One of the reasons that I’m searching for a closer relationship with God again is that I find the purely materialistic view of life completely unsatisfying. I’m told that I’m here totally by accident, that all my deepest emotions and aspirations are entirely explainable as a result of chemical reactions in my body, and instincts bred into me as a highly developed animal. I’m told that I arrived at a certain point in time, and that I’m programmed to survive and mate and produce children and all that, not because of love but because of the survival of the species, and that one day it will all come to its natural conclusion and they’ll bury what’s left of me in the ground and that’ll be the end of my story.

Well, my response to that is to ask, “What the hell’s the point?”If all love and all morality and all art and beauty are purely chemical phenomena – in other words, if they aren’t really morality and love and art and beauty at all, but just highly developed survival mechanisms – then all the deepest things we humans believe about life are a lie. How do you think that would have sounded to some of your literary heroes – Jane Austen, or J.R.R. Tolkien? Surely we can’t let reductionistic science have the last word here? There’s got to be more to life than that!

Anyway – getting back to your family and your experiences with them – if you have a sense that a spiritual sort of life would involve living simply, not piling up lots of possessions, and concentrating on stuff like love and compassion and justice, and actually doing things to make other people’s lives better, rather than just piling up more stuff for yourself – well, then I’d say, go for it. And by the way, I think Jesus’way is for you, because as I read the gospels, I find myself more and more convinced that he believed those things, too.

On another subject, I’m still listening to ‘Penguin Eggs’and loving it. Tell me some time how you came to get interested in this traditional folk music, will you? And tell me who some of the other artists are that I should be listening to. And I’ll tell you a few, too. Do you know Bruce Cockburn’s music? He’s a Canadian songwriter and an amazing guitar player (and I know you enjoy good guitarists). His last couple of albums have gone more in an electric direction, but his earlier ones were heavily based on acoustic guitar – fingerstyle, is that what you call it when a person plays tunes on the strings instead of just strumming? When I come home for Christmas I’ll try to remember to bring a few albums with me so you can listen to them, if you’re not already familiar with him.

Speaking of Christmas, I’m working Christmas Day (which is a Saturday) and then I’ll be driving home on Boxing Day and staying in Meadowvale for a week. Are you going to be around? I hope so!

Take care, Tom, and I’ll see you soon.

Kelly

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Box 981
Meadowvale, Saskatchewan
Nov. 27th 1982

Dear Kelly:

Thanks for your letter which arrived yesterday. I’m sitting in the Co-op deli on a Saturday morning; I’ve taken to getting up, going for an early morning walk, and then coming down here to have a coffee, write a letter or two, and then do my weekly shopping. Usually I’m writing a letter to Owen, and sometimes my mum, but today it’s you.

That was an outstanding letter, by the way. Thank you.

I found the bit about needing to discover a spiritual dimension to life to counteract the materialistic, soul-less view especially compelling. You’re right; whether or not Christianity turns out to be the right religion for me, I know I need to find out if there is a way to live in contact with my Creator. And yes, I do find the purely materialistic account of life totally unconvincing; it makes a nonsense of all the most important things human beings – or most human beings, I should say – believe in.

Your instinct is partially right, and I’m going to take the risk and open the door up a bit. This is not easy for me to do, because I tend to be a private person, as you’ve already discovered.

It was my dad, not my mum, who soured me on the life of wealth and success. My dad’s a lawyer and he’s devoted his life to his profession. I didn’t realize that I was experiencing an unusual sort of life until I met Owen Foster and got to know his family; Owen’s mum and dad are very warm, family-oriented people, and Mr. Foster is always doing things with his kids (Owen’s the oldest of four – his siblings are Steve, Anna, and Fiona). My dad, not so much. He works long hours, every day except Sunday, and he spends Sunday in his garden. When he did get involved in our lives as kids it was to push us toward the sort of life he had planned for us. He was determined that I would be a lawyer, and when I was young he refused to contemplate any other sort of life for me. We fought about that for several years when I was a teenager; Owen called it ‘The Great War’. It ended up in a long shouting match in October in my last year of high school. My mum eventually intervened and told Dad he should let me become a teacher, since that was my dream. He was really, really angry – at her and at me – but he gave in and let me study English. Still, he tried a few times during my university years to point me in the direction of law, and then after he started to realize I wasn’t going to budge, he switched to trying to steer me toward teaching jobs in the ‘right’ sort of schools – you know, ones in upper middle class areas, full of the children of doctors and lawyers and bankers and stockbrokers and Conservative Party politicians! So I gradually came to realize that if I stayed in England it would be very difficult for me to live the sort of life I wanted to live – he’d always be trying to control me and remake me in his image. That’s why I decided to leave Oxford and England and emigrate. Like I told you at your mum and dad’s, I had a friend at college from Canada, and he told me that little towns like Meadowvale were always looking for teachers. That’s how I came to apply for the job here.

Kelly, please do not breathe a word of this to your mum and dad. I’ll tell them one of these days, but I’m just not ready for it to be public knowledge, okay? The wound is still very raw. I haven’t told you everything; I’ll tell you more at Christmas time. I’ll probably tell Joe, too; he’s been coming over for coffee and we’ve had a few good chats. He took me horseback riding the other week – another new and scary experience for me, but I ended up quite enjoying it!

Getting back to Dad, I mentioned this to Owen the other week in a letter and I said I didn’t think it was fair on Jesus to turn to him to spite my dad! But your letter helped me there; you helped me see that I’d be moving toward the Christian way out of hunger for something I hadn’t found in my dad’s way of life, not necessarily because I wanted to spite him. Thank you for that.

My mum, I should say, is an outstanding person. Like I told you, she’s a classically trained pianist and she taught me to play the piano when I was young. She was the one who taught me to enjoy the outdoors as well. She’s always encouraged me, and I like to think that we’re close. My sister Becca – well, we used to be close, but things have taken a bad turn. I’ll tell you more face to face, perhaps. My brother Rick and I were close as little boys, but we’ve been distant for years.

I envy you that your best friends are extended family members. I know it upset my mum, but I think I turned away from that in my teens. Owen became my closest friend, and in a sense, I guess his dad became a sort of father-figure for me. Rick and Becca and I are close to our Auntie Brenda and Uncle Roy – Auntie Brenda is Mum’s only sister, and they have no children – but apart from that, we haven’t had much to do with our extended family.

Speaking of Owen, he’s going to look up those other Nic Jones albums for you. When you’re here at Christmas you should come over to my place and I’ll play you some other traditional folk albums and introduce you to artists you might enjoy. And yes, I’ll be happy to listen to Bruce Cockburn; I’ve never heard of him, but you’re right, I always enjoy good guitarists (especially acoustic guitarists).

I’ve got no plans to go away at Christmas. I’ll look forward to seeing you. Somehow I expect that a few family dinners at your mum and dad’s will figure quite prominently in my Christmas holidays!

See you soon, Kelly, and thanks for another really enjoyable letter.

Cheers,

Tom

*************

P.O. Box 373
Jasper, Alberta
December 4th 1982

Dear Tom:

I worked a twelve-hour shift today, so I’m feeling a little owlish tonight. But I picked up your letter on my way home from work yesterday, and I’ve been thinking about it all day. Thank you, by the way, for taking the risk to open the door a little more for me; I don’t take that trust lightly.

As I read your letter I realized yet again how lucky I am to have the sort of parents I do. It was good for me to remember this, because sometimes I can get nitpicky about little things, but then I think about friends whose parents have broken up and gone through painful divorces, or people who’ve had distant or overbearing parents, like yourself with your dad. I don’t know what to say, Tom, except that I’m sorry.

I don’t know how much Joe might have told you about our home. As I said, Joe and Krista and I were born in Rosthern. Dad graduated from university in 1954, and that summer he and Mom got married and moved to Rosthern, which is where he started out as a teacher. He worked there for eleven years, and of course during that time Joe was born in ’56, me in ’58, and Krista in ’60. We’re all Fall kids, by the way; Joe’s birthday is September 8th, mine is September 16th, and Krista’s December 5th (tomorrow, in fact). Mom didn’t work outside the home when we were kids; she didn’t start studying to be a bookkeeper until Krista started school, and even then, she never worked more than half time. So we didn’t have a lot of luxuries when we were growing up, but then, neither did anyone else we knew.

Like I told you before, in those days Opa and Oma Reimer were still farming the land where Uncle Hugo and Auntie Millie live now, and we often went to visit them on weekends, with longer visits in the summer – all of us together, or just us kids (well, Joe and me, anyway – Krista was a little too young). Uncle Hugo was working alongside Opa in those days; he and Auntie Millie had built the place they live in now in about 1955, I think. Opa and Oma lived on the other side of the yard – not in the old homestead, which had been knocked down a long time ago, but in another place Opa built back in the 1940s; it’s gone now, of course. Joe and I usually stayed at Opa and Oma’s even though there was more room at Hugo and Millie’s. I guess those trips were when we got really close to Hugo and Millie’s kids, which is probably why, to this day, Corey is Joe’s best friend and Brenda is one of mine. And after we moved back to Meadowvale in 1965, of course, we saw even more of them.

The other thing we used to do in the summer was go camping, usually up here in Jasper, which is how I first fell in love with this place. We were tent campers, and we usually came up here for at least a week every summer, sometimes longer. Dad and Mom took us out hiking at a very young age and of course we’d all learned to ride at the farm, so we did trail rides as well. Dad would always bring his guitar along and in the evening he’d get us singing around the camp fire, although by the time we were teenagers we were kind of embarrassed about that. You know Dad, he’s got a sort of George Jones kind of voice, and a knack for making every song into a country song. Nowadays I find it kind of comfortable and homey, but when I was a teenager it was – well, you can guess, I think!

I’ve heard of kids who were brought up in Christian homes who had strict rules they had to follow, with parents who tried to scare them with hellfire and damnation. My mom and dad were never like that. They were pretty clear that being a Christian was all about love, and they really modelled that for us. It wasn’t that we were never disciplined – we were – but we were never put down or yelled at; in fact, I very rarely saw either of my parents lose their temper, although occasionally they did. They used to do a little Bible reading and prayer time after supper each night – just something short, so that we didn’t get bored – and of course they took us to church on Sundays every week, which I usually enjoyed, although it was a little boring sometimes. But when I look back on it now I realize that I really had very little to rebel against. As I’ve told you, my doubts about Christianity started because of intellectual questions – scientific issues, doctrines that didn’t make sense to me, and things in the Bible that bothered me – not because I found anything wanting in Mom and Dad’s way of life.

I’m not really sure why I’m telling you this, Tom, except that you wrote a little about your home life and it got me thinking about mine – and, as Joe says, I rarely have an unspoken thought! But maybe it’s also because I’d like to think we’re already friends, and I think friends ought to know a little about each other’s families and past history and all that.

Okay, I’m really tired now, so I’m going to bring this to a close. I expect we won’t write to each other again before I’m home for Christmas. My plans are still to drive home on Boxing Day, weather permitting, and to stay for a week. Take care, Tom, and I’ll see you soon.

Your friend,

Kelly

*****************

Box 981
Meadowvale, Saskatchewan
Dec. 4th 1982

Dear Owen:

No, no plans for Christmas; I expect I’ll just stay around here, or maybe go into Saskatoon for a day. I went down there last weekend to do a bit of Christmas shopping for folks back home – including you, of course!

It’s really snowy today. I think I told you last time I wrote that we’d had a snowfall; well, for the past week it’s been coming down every day, and it’s about a foot high around my house now. It’s cold too; the temperature this morning is sitting at about minus 18ºC, and it’s supposed to get colder in the next few days. Will tells me that we’ll have a few weeks of minus 30-35ºC before the winter is out. Most people are wearing down jackets, although the kids from town don’t tend to wear them as much. The kids who bus in from the country do – I suppose their parents don’t want to risk the bus going off the road and the kids not having proper warm clothing. I’ve mentioned, haven’t I, that our school draws kids from farms for miles around? Our local population is about two thousand in town, and another three or four thousand living out on farms in the ‘R.M.’ (‘regional municipality’) of Meadowvale.

Things are getting busy at school now. The term (‘semester’) system is a little different here; there are two semesters, not three, with the first one running from early September to the end of January. Also, they don’t have ‘O’ and ‘A’ levels like we did, with exams on two years’ worth of studies; they have exams at the end of every semester and if they pass, that earns them ‘credits’ toward their high school graduation. So we’re about two thirds of the way through the first semester now, but of course Christmas is coming and there are a number of activities planned. Will is trying to twist my arm to help out with a Christmas concert, although I keep telling him that I’ve never sung in a choir, let alone helped lead one! But somehow I don’t think I’m going to win this one; Will can be very persuasive. And as you know, part of my job is teaching drama, and we’re doing a play as well, so that’s taking up some time.

Speaking of the Reimers, I’m still having quite a bit of contact with Joe and Kelly. Joe and I have fallen into the habit of having coffee together a couple of times a week, and sometimes his cousin Corey joins us; Corey is the son of Hugo and Millie Reimer, who I think I mentioned to you before; they have the old Reimer family farm out at Spruce Creek. Corey’s an accountant; he has a little place of his own in town, but he seems to spend a lot of time out at Hugo and Millie’s. He and Joe are not just cousins but also very good friends. I really like them both.

As for Kelly, well, I took your advice and opened up a bit in the last letter I wrote to her, telling her some things about Dad and my differences with him. She’d made an interesting point in her last letter to me. Remember I told you that it would hardly be fair to adopt Jesus as a way of spiting my dad? Well, she pointed out that it’s not so much ‘spiting’ as the fact that I was hungry for something that I hadn’t found in his way of life. She said that it was obviously even more important that I find some sort of spiritual dimension to my life, and that I shouldn’t be put off by the fear of overreacting. She also said that she thought the values I was looking for corresponded pretty well with the values of Jesus, which surprised me a bit. I’ve never really read enough about Jesus to know for certain what his values might be; I only know what I’ve heard in my occasional visits to church, or school assemblies, or in my conversations with you.

By the way, thanks for what you told me about praying; I like the idea of praying while you’re walking. I’m in the habit of going for an early morning walk each day (yes, there have been some pretty frosty mornings lately!), and I’ve been trying to pray for a few minutes each time I go out, remembering your three divisions of thanksgiving, confession, and petition. I can’t say that I’ve really felt any sense of closeness to God yet, but I’m also trying to remember what you said about not trying to manufacture a religious emotion. I can see that it would be easy to do this, so that religious experience became some sort of wish-fulfilment. I wouldn’t want to delude myself about this. I can’t help hoping, though, that at some point God does – well – that he lets me know that he’s there, you know!

Actually, come to think of it, I did have something happen while I was praying a few days ago. But I need to back up and tell you that I had a letter from my dad last week; apparently Mum had been trying to get him to write to me. I wish he hadn’t bothered; his letter was just a rehash of all the arguments we’ve ever had – how he thinks I made a big mistake by not going into the Law, but even if I was going to be a teacher, I should have stayed in England and tried for a job at a public school rather than working in the state system, etc. etc. And of course, he’s still furious that I didn’t tell them I was leaving for Canada until two weeks before I made the move, and that I lied to them about having a job in Reading (you were right, by the way – I should have been open with them right from the start, even though I know he would have tried to stop me. If I’d followed your advice I wouldn’t have messed things up with Becca the way I have). He finished off by telling me that I was ‘a foolish romantic’, that I had showed no gratitude at all to him for all the money he put into my education, and that he was very disappointed in me, particularly because I had deceived him.

Well, by the time I was finished reading the letter I was just as angry and upset as I was the day I last saw him. I was going to send him a nasty reply, but then I thought, no, I’ll just ignore him, at least for now. If he thinks that’s what ‘building bridges’ looks like, there isn’t much hope for us, but then, there never has been, has there? And since then I’ve – well, I’ve mentioned the letter a couple of times when I’ve been out walking and praying – maybe even ranted about it a bit – and even though God hasn’t talked to me or anything, I felt a bit better afterwards, or at least, not so bad. Sort of like what you said when you mentioned that sometimes you felt a sense of peace after you prayed. I don’t think I quite got as far as peace, but I caught a whiff of it, anyway, and it smelled pretty good, I have to say.

As for the Bible – well, I don’t really feel confident enough to read it right now. Maybe when Kelly comes home for Christmas I’ll ask her about it, or maybe I’ll talk to Joe at some point.

Have you seen my mum lately? She writes to me once a week, and I always try to give her a page or two back. I write to Becca too, but of course I hear nothing from her, or from Rick.

Well, I’d better finish, as the deli is getting busy and I’ve got a letter from Mum to answer as well. Hope you’re doing well and that things are ‘proceeding satisfactorily’ with Lorraine.

I once had a call from a car thief who needed counselling. I am not making this up; this is a true episode from my life as a rural pastor. He called me in desperation; ‘Alliance’ was the first church he could find in the local phone book, but the Alliance pastor was out, and ‘Anglican’ was next on the list! He had left his girlfriend in a fit of temper, driven over five hundred miles in one day and tried as best he could to stop drinking, cold turkey. When he came to see me it was obvious that he was barely hanging on to his sobriety.

At first he didn’t tell me he was a car thief. He told me about his alcoholism and his destroyed relationship with his girlfriend, all of which was true, but it wasn’t the whole truth. Still, I was able to get him hooked up with Alcoholics Anonymous, and for the next two weeks I drank more coffee than I ever have in my life before or since, because every day he wanted to get together to talk at the local greasy spoon.

It was during those conversations that I found out he was also a car thief. Well, not strictly a car thief; he actually made a good living by stealing heavy machinery – graders, gravel trucks, combine harvesters – that sort of thing. Obviously, the other people drinking coffee in the restaurant didn’t know he was a thief, but a few months later they discovered that he was a disreputable character because he was arrested and charged with growing marijuana! One of my older AA friends, who had spent a lot of time with this man, just shook his head and said “One day he’ll learn!”

If I had been having these conversations with my car thief friend in Jesus’ time, no doubt the Pharisees and the teachers of the law would have been muttering about me, too: ‘This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them’ (v.2). And we need to remember that they weren’t taking this attitude because they were bad or malicious. They were taking it for the same reason we tell our children to be careful about the company they keep. ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ is the old saying; if you want to stay on the right road in life, watch the crowd you run with. Run with the wrong crowd and you can get into trouble. Bad company ruins good morals. These are all things we were told by our parents, and no doubt most of us who have children have said something like that to our kids as well.

This is why the Pharisees and teachers of the law didn’t want to associate with the people Jesus was associating with – the loan sharks, the prostitutes and thieves and Roman soldiers and all the rest. Their motives were good – they wanted to stay pure from sin and holy in God’s sight. But in order to do this there were some very important things they forgot. I want to give you a list this morning of four things the Pharisees forgot. And of course this isn’t just a history lesson; I’m sharing them with you because I think sometimes we’re in danger of forgetting them too.

So here we go. First, they forgot that everyone is a sinner. Hopefully this is obvious to any Christian who reads the New Testament, but in Jesus’ time many people would have denied this. They would have divided the world into two camps – the good and the bad, the righteous and the sinners, the ones who were in and the ones who were out. If you made an honest attempt to live by the commandments, kept away from bad company and followed the Jewish ritual laws, you were ‘in’. If you didn’t, you were ‘out’. As far as the Pharisees and teachers of the law were concerned, they were ‘in’, but Jesus and his friends were ‘out’.

But in fact the situation is much more complicated than that. Some sins are obvious for all to see – murder, or adultery, or stealing cars. Other sins are not so obvious, but Jesus treated them just as seriously – the love of money and the things it can buy, lack of love for the poor and those in need, covetousness, self-righteousness and so on. Jesus summed up the law of God with two commandments – love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbour as yourself. If you fall short of these two commandments, you have sinned. Do you qualify? I know I do; therefore I am a sinner.

And we need to remember this, because it gives us an appropriate sense of our own need. I love the way people introduce themselves as A.A. meetings: ‘Hi, I’m Ken and I’m an alcoholic’. That serves as a good reminder that they aren’t gathered together on the basis of their strengths but on the basis of their weaknesses. And we Christians are the same. We don’t come together each week because we’re good; we come together because we know we fail, and we need God’s help and the help of our fellow Christians to kick our sin addiction. I am a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness; so are you. There’s no room for me to look down on you. There’s no room for you to look down on me. The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

So the first thing the Pharisees and teachers of the law forgot was that everyone is a sinner. The second thing they forgot was that every person is important to God. Not just as a part of the crowd, but as individuals. God loves each one of us, notices when we stray away, and goes out looking for us to bring us home. He would not do this if we weren’t important to him.

God’s math, you see, is a little different from ours. If we had gathered ninety-nine sheep together we would probably have weighed up the risks of leaving them and going out to search for the one that was lost, and decided “I’ll stick with the ninety-nine”. Or if we still had the nine coins we might be tempted to chalk up the loss of the tenth to bad luck and leave it at that. Not so in Jesus’ stories. Every single person is significant to God. You’re not just a statistic that he can write off; you’re a person made in God’s image, a unique individual, precious in his sight. When you stray away, he feels the loss deeply, and he wants to find you and bring you home.

Jesus, you see, did not look on these tax-collectors and sinners with a condemning eye. He said that they were ‘lost’; in his parable he compared them to a sheep that wanders away. Most sheep don’t wander away on purpose. They just aren’t thinking ahead. They keep their heads down, eating grass, thinking only of the needs of the present moment, and then after a while they look up and realize that the rest of the flock seems to have vanished! Their problem is that they’re so concerned about the need of the present moment – grass – that they take their eyes off the shepherd.

And that’s the way it is with so many people. We don’t mean to stray away from God; we just get so tied up meeting the needs of the moment – a bit more money here, a moment of relaxation there – that we lose sight of what life is all about in the first place, and we lose sight of the Good Shepherd who gives our life meaning and purpose. It doesn’t take a big sin to take us out of orbit around God – just a little distraction will often do the job.

So that’s how Jesus sees people – we’re like lost sheep, and he’s coming to look for us. He came all the way from heaven to earth, and gave his life on the Cross for us. As he says in John’s version of this story, ‘I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep’ (John 10:11). And not just for the sheep as a group; Paul the great missionary says ‘The Son of God…loved me and gave himself for me’ (Galatians 2:20). You matter to God. So do I, and so does every other individual on the face of the earth. God is out searching for us, and he won’t rest until he has found us and brought us home.

The Pharisees and teachers of the law forgot that everyone is a sinner; they forgot that every person is important to God. The third thing they forgot was that love leads to change, not change to love. What do I mean by that?

The best way of explaining it is to refer to another ‘lost and found’ story from Luke, the story of Zacchaeus in chapter 19. We’re told that Zacchaeus was the chief tax collector of Jericho, and very rich. He wanted to see Jesus when he passed through Jericho, but he was so short that he couldn’t see over the heads of the other people in the crowd. So he climbed a tree and looked down on Jesus from up above. But Jesus saw him up the tree, called him down and went to have a meal at his house. Again, the Pharisees and teachers of the law started grumbling that ‘He has gone to be the guest of one who is a sinner’ (Luke 19:7). Zacchaeus, however, responded to the love of Jesus by giving away half his possessions to the poor, and repaying all the people he had ever cheated four times the amount he had cheated from them. Jesus’ comment was ‘Today salvation has come to this house, because he too is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost’ (Luke 19:9-10).

That was quite a transformation in Zacchaeus’ life. I think the Pharisees and teachers of the law had probably been trying to make that happen for years. I can take a good guess at their tactics, too: I’ll bet they had scolded Zacchaeus, told him he should be ashamed of himself, warned him that he would go to hell if he didn’t repent and so on. None of this had any effect at all when it came to changing Zacchaeus’ heart. What changed Zacchaeus was when Jesus came to his house, loved him just as he was, and communicated by his actions that God loved him too. Once this message got hold of Zacchaeus’ heart, he was so thankful that he began spontaneously to repent and get his life in order.

And that’s the way the Christian Gospel works. God didn’t wait for us to smarten up and get our act together before he came to save us. Paul says ‘But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8). The message of legalism is that people first have to obey God’s laws and get their act together, and then, if they are able to achieve a satisfactory standard of righteous living, they will be accepted by God. The message of Jesus is the very opposite; while we are still sinners, God comes to us in Jesus, loves us as we are, and then helps us to turn away from our sins and become the holy and loving people he wants us to be. We don’t have to change in order to earn God’s love; God loves us first, and when we accept that love, it helps us change. Love leads to change, not change to love.

So we’ve seen that the Pharisees and teachers of the law forgot that everyone is a sinner, and they forgot that every person is important to God. They forgot that love leads to change and not change to love. One last thing they forgot: They forgot that shepherds look for sheep, and not the other way around. The proper movement is for the Church to go out looking for the lost, and not for us to wait for the lost to come to us, because, as Will Willimon says, ‘The last time I went down to the farm, it wasn’t the job of the sheep to find the shepherd’. That’s why Jesus was associating with tax collectors and sinners; he was the good shepherd, going out to find his lost sheep. He was the woman sweeping the house and searching until she found her lost coin.

The God of the Bible is a God who goes out in mission. The word ‘mission’ is about ‘sending’, about ‘going out’; it’s not about waiting for people to come to you! A church that worships this missionary God can’t help being in mission itself. We are learning to see people as Jesus sees them: lost sheep who have strayed away from the Good Shepherd. We are praying that God will help us to demonstrate his love in the way we live our lives, and to take every opportunity to explain the Christian message in a way that people can understand and relate to. We are the Shepherd’s assistants – his sheepdogs, if you like. It’s our job to go out and find the lost sheep, not their job to come and find us.

So I suspect that this passage has comfort in it for us, but also challenge. God is telling each one of us this morning that we matter to him. We are so important to him that he left the glory of heaven and came among us in Jesus; the Good Shepherd laid down his life so that you and I, his lost sheep, could be saved and come home again to him. We are all sinners, but he died for sinners, so we all qualify. And he doesn’t wait for us to measure up to a certain standard before he loves us; he comes to us as we are, loves us and helps us learn to walk in the new way of life he teaches us.

But the challenge to us is this: if we’ve discovered this love of Jesus in our own lives, we have a responsibility to share it. There are plenty of other lost sheep out there, and not too many of them are finding their way to the door of the church. You and I will have to make the first move, take the initiative, leave our comfort zone and look for the lost until we find them. I doubt very much if Jesus will be impressed by the argument that ‘Lord, we told them what time the service was, but they wouldn’t come!’

We have received the Good News of Jesus Christ. The Good Shepherd has found us and brought us safely home. He wants us to rejoice in that. But he also wants us to know that there are thousands more who haven’t found their way home yet. Every single one of them is important to him. There is absolutely nothing that is more important on his agenda than finding them and bringing them home. And he’s calling for our help in that. Are we willing to answer his call?

Kelly appeared on the doorstep of my house the next morning at about eleven o’clock, dressed in jeans and a sweater, her hair pulled back in a long braid. She greeted me with a warm smile when I opened the door. “Are you ready?” she asked.

“Come in for a minute; I’m just making a thermos of coffee”.

“Okay”.

She kicked off her shoes and followed me through the back porch and into the kitchen. By now I had my spare bedroom set up as an office, but the work tended to spill over to my kitchen table as well. “Go on through to the living room if you like”, I said apologetically; “It’s a bit tidier than this”.

“Okay”.

The drip machine was already beginning to beep, and so while she wandered into the living room I poured black coffee into my thermos flask and packed it in my backpack. By then she was bent over in front of the stereo system looking through my record collection. “See anything you know?” I asked as I went through to join her.

“Not much. I know some of these classical titles, but that’s about it”.

“Most of the rest is traditional folk music”.

She straightened up and grinned at me; “Dad told me you were into that stuff; that’s really interesting. Maybe when we come back from the lake you can pick a favourite album and play it for me, or even play me some stuff yourself?”

“I could do that. What sort of music do you like?”

“Pretty well everything except for opera, and whiney country stuff”.

I laughed; “You’d hear a lot of that around here – the whiney country stuff, I mean!”

“Yeah; my parents’generation were all country fans, and the kids I went to school with were pretty well all into classic rock”.

“Including you?”

“Some; I like the Beatles, but I’m not such a big Stones fan. I like some of the newer stuff, too – Billy Joel, Talking Heads, the Police, Dire Straits, that sort of thing”.

“I know of them, but I can’t say I’ve really listened to them very much”.

“No way! Have you honestly spent your entire life in a traditional folk music bubble?”

“No, not at all. My mum’s a classically-trained pianist and there was classical music playing in my house all the time when I was growing up. And when my friend Owen and I started playing guitar, we spent our first couple of years trying really hard to sound like Simon and Garfunkel”.

“I like them, too. How long have you been playing?”

“Since I was thirteen”.

“How old are you now?”

“You really haven’t got a shy bone in your body, have you?”

She gave me a sheepish grin. “Sorry – I don’t know how not to be up front!”

“That’s alright; it’s refreshing, actually”.

“Well, that’s okay, then! And I’m twenty-four, in case you were wondering”.

“I’m twenty-four too”.

“So you’ve been playing for eleven years?”

“Yes”.

She glanced at my crowded bookshelves with a smile; “You obviously like to read”.

“I do; how about you?”

“Oh yeah”. She scanned the shelves for a moment; “You like Victorian novels, eh?”

“Yes, although I’m also a big Jane Austen fan, and she’s pre-Victorian”.

“Do you have a favourite?”

“I like a lot of them, but if I had to pick three, I’d go for Austen, George Eliot, and Thomas Hardy – especially Hardy, even though he can be depressing at times. I like his poetry, too”.

“I think the only thing I’ve read of his is Far from the Madding Crowd”.

“That’s one of the few that have a happy ending”.

“What about Dickens?”

“I’ve read a lot of his stuff; I think he’s brilliant, but I can’t say I really enjoy his books like Austen or Hardy. I don’t mind David Copperfield and A Tale of Two Cities, but I don’t really care for the others”.

“Do you like any modern writers?”

“I’m a big Tolkien fan, though I’m not really that interested in his imitators. How about you; what do you like?”

“A lot of poetry, actually”.

“Me too”.

She glanced at my bookshelves again; “I see that. I’m a little old fashioned about poetry, though – I like poems with rhyme and metre. My favourite is Robert Frost – do you know him?”

“I like him a lot”.

“Which of his poems do you like best?”

I thought for a moment, and then said, “‘Birches’, probably, and ‘Mending Wall’, and maybe ‘The Road Not Taken’”.

She looked up at me eagerly; “I love that one! I really like the part in the middle – you know,

‘Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back’.

It seems so true to life – every time we make a choice we rule out a whole bunch of other choices, and maybe we think we’re leaving our options open and we might come back one day, but we probably won’t”.

I smiled at her; “You really love this stuff, don’t you?”

“Of course; don’t you?”

“I do, although I’m probably not as expressive about it as you are”.

“Tom Masefield, are you mocking me?”

“No, not at all”.

She glanced at the framed photograph of Becca on the wall. “That’s obviously your sister”.

“Yes”.

“What’s her name?”

“Rebecca, but she goes by Becca”.

“She’s twelve, you said?”

“She turned twelve in August”.

She pointed at another photograph. “Well, that’s you, but who are the other two?”

“My former musical partners; that’s Owen Foster on the left, and Wendy Howard on the right”.

“She’s a real beauty”.

“Yeah; Owen and I met her at an open stage two years ago, and she started singing with us not long after that. She’s got a really lovely voice”.

Her eyes searched mine; “Anything going on there?”

I shook my head; “No, the three of us were just good friends, that’s all. Shall we get going, then?”

“Sure. Do you want to ride in my truck?”

“Okay”.

We spent a couple of hours walking the trails at Myers Lake Recreation Area. As Kelly had said, it was a wide lake surrounded by thick woodland: aspens, poplars, and spruce. We saw chickadees and nuthatches, and for one brief moment I saw the red flash of a pileated woodpecker before it flew away between the trees. Kelly, I discovered, was not talkative at all when she was out walking in the woods; she was completely focussed on what she could see and hear, and she noticed details that passed me by altogether. She was also much more knowledgeable about trees and plant life than I was, and she could readily identify different species without any hesitation at all.

After a couple of hours of rambling we sat down at a picnic table beside the lake. I poured her a cup of coffee from my thermos flask, and she accepted it from me with a smile; “Thank you”, she said.

I poured a cup for myself. “You’re welcome. And thank you; this is really lovely. It was nice of you to spend time bringing me out here when you could have been with your family”.

“Krista went back to Edmonton after breakfast this morning, but that was okay – she and Joe and I sat up talking until about two-thirty anyway”.

“You must be tired”.

“A little, but I’ll be fine”.

“You’re pretty close to them, then?”

“I’m probably closest to Joe, but that doesn’t mean Krista and I aren’t good friends too”.

“You and Krista are more outgoing; Joe’s a little less…”

“Noisy?”

I laughed; “I was going to say ‘boisterous’, but ‘noisy’works too!”

“You’re right, though; Krista and I are extroverts, like my dad, but Joe’s an introvert, more like my mom. And you? I have a hunch you’re an introvert, too”.

“People toss those words around a lot, but I’m not sure I know what they really mean”.

“I make friends easily, and I have lots of them. Joe takes a lot longer to make a friend than I do, but I think his friendships are probably deeper than mine”.

“I think I’m probably more like him”.

“Not too many friends?”

“I’m friendly with a lot of people, but I only really have one or two close friends”.

“Owen?”

“Yes”.

“How did you meet?”

“We were both eleven. I was born in north Oxford, but my dad bought a house in the village of Northwood and we moved out there during the Christmas holidays in 1969. I started at the village school in January 1970, and on my first day, during what you would call ‘recess’, three other boys ganged up on me and started to beat me up. Owen came to help me, and we held them off until the teacher intervened. That was how it started”.

“And you’ve been friends ever since?”

“Yes. He was raised in Northwood and he knew the countryside really well, so he took me out and showed me things; that summer of 1970 we went out exploring on our bikes pretty well every day from morning ’til night. And when we went up to high school together, his dad was my English teacher, and eventually he was the one who got me interested in the idea of teaching English”.

“Were you always a reader?”

“Yes, but Mr. Foster introduced me to books and authors I’d never heard of before; actually, I might have felt intimidated by them if he hadn’t showed me how to enjoy them”.

“You didn’t get that from your family?”

I was quiet for a long time, trying to decide how to answer that question. Eventually she said, “Sorry, that’s obviously not something you want to talk about right now”.

“Do you mind if we don’t? I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry – I can be really pushy without thinking about it”.

“That’s all right. What about you? What made you decide you wanted to be a nurse?”

“I was always interested in biology, and how the human body works. And I guess I’ve always wanted to help people. I thought of becoming a doctor at one time, but I really didn’t want to spend that long in school. And nurses get to spend more time with their patients; that’s what I wanted”.

“You ended up moving a long way from home to work”.

“I guess so. I was lucky to get the job in Jasper, because I’ve always enjoyed visiting there. We used to go camping up there when I was a kid, and now I can spend a lot of time exploring the back country trails, which is great. But you’re right, I’m a long way away from my old friends – although I’ve made some new friends, too”.

“That’s the extrovert thing, I suppose”.

“I guess so”.

“Who are your close friends?”

“Mainly family; Joe and Krista are my closest friends, and then some of my cousins. You’ve met my Uncle Hugo and Auntie Millie; their daughter Brenda and I are very close”.

“Where does she live?”

“Saskatoon; she runs a coffee shop there. She got married two years ago to a guy called Gary Nikkel. And you know my cousin Don”.

“Don Robinson?”

“Yeah; I get on pretty well with him, too, although he’s a few years older than me”.

“I get the sense that the Robinsons aren’t keen churchgoing Mennonites like the rest of your family”.

“I’m not a churchgoer either, and I like to think that I’m a nice guy!”

She laughed and punched my arm lightly; “Of course you are!”

“Thanks”.

“Actually”, she said with a sudden faraway look in her eyes, “I’ve been on a break from churchgoing myself for a while”.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I suppose I’ve had my little teenage rebellion”.

“Against your mum and dad?”

She shook her head vigorously; “No, not at all. Seriously, what’s to rebel against? It’s not that we never fight, but I really think I have the best parents of anyone I know”.

“I’d have to agree”.

She frowned thoughtfully. “When I got into my teens I started to struggle a little with some of the things I read in the Bible – you know, the wars and bloodshed, and the times when God commands the Israelites to slaughter whole populations, including children and babies. And of course, I started to notice that people in the church weren’t always consistent about how they lived their lives, and sometimes that bothered me, because I was a pretty idealistic teenager. And then I got into science, and I learned about evolution, and DNA and how it works, and all my textbooks assumed that the human body was a totally natural organism that you could explain completely without making any reference to God at all. Nobody at church was talking about that; it seemed to me that they were just carrying on talking about the Bible as if modern science didn’t even exist. So I guess I had my little flirtation with doubt”.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Well I don’t think it is, but I’m beginning to see the limitations of it. I think I might be on my way back in, although I still don’t go to church very much”.

“What’s bringing you back?”

She grinned; “Are you really interested, or are you just indulging me?”

“I’m interested; I’ve had conversations like this on and off with Owen during the past few years”.

“Okay”. She drained her coffee cup and set it down again on the picnic table. “T.S. Eliot has a quote in one of his poems about the end of all our exploring being to come back to the place we started from, and knowing it for the first time”.

I nodded; “Little Gidding”.

“Yeah, that’s right – it’s a great poem, even if it doesn’t have rhyme and metre”.

“So it makes sense to you?”

“It totally does. I think it’s been good for me to be away from the church and Christianity for a while; it’s given me more of an objective view. I’m less distracted by the peculiarities of individual churchgoers, and I can focus more on the central ideas of Christianity”.

“What do you think of as the central ideas of Christianity?”

“Well, Jesus – it’s really all about him, isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

“I think so. One of the things I couldn’t get my head around as a teenager was the idea that Jesus was somehow unique. The old Mennonites I grew up with all assumed that every other religion on earth had got it spectacularly wrong, but the one that we belong to, by an amazing coincidence, just happened to be the right one. That seemed more than a little arrogant to me”.

“I agree”.

“It’s all tied up with the idea that Jesus is the Son of God, not just a great religious teacher. The idea of God becoming a human being and living as one of us seemed really weird to me. Like, if God was Jesus, then what was happening to the rest of the universe when he was a baby? And that’s when Christians would bring up the doctrine of the Trinity, which I never really understood”.

“Me neither”.

“No”. She was quiet for a moment, and then she frowned and said, “I never succeeded in persuading myself to stop believing in God, though”.

“No?”

“No – even though all the science books I was reading assumed that the universe was totally explainable without the God hypothesis, that never really rang true for me, despite all my questions about science and the Bible. I’ve spent days hiking the mountain trails in Jasper and looking at the majesty of creation all around me. And I’ve stood in the middle of an open field here in Saskatchewan and looked up at the huge prairie sky, and felt really small and insignificant, kind of like an ant, I guess. And I’ve always felt, in an intuitive kind of way, that there had to be a Creator. It’s not something I came at from rational argument; it’s just something I felt in my bones. I didn’t have to be able to explain God or figure him out; I was just always pretty sure that God was there. And sometimes, especially in the mountains, I had a sense I was getting close to him”.

“You’re sure that wasn’t just natural awe at what you were seeing around you?”

She shrugged; “Maybe; I guess I can’t be sure about that. But that’s okay; there are lots of things I’m not sure about”. She smiled at me; “Is there any more coffee in that thermos?”

“Of course”. I poured her another cup, and topped up my own mug at the same time. “So you think you’re on the way back into Christianity, then?”

“Maybe. Jesus is fascinating, isn’t he?”

“Is he?”

“He is to me. I’m not starting with any assumptions about him being the Son of God or anything like that; I’m just reading the gospels from time to time and trying to figure him out”.

“What do you find fascinating about him?”

“Well, for one thing, the shrewd things he says. Like when he says that a man’s life doesn’t consist in the abundance of his possessions. I mean, there’s a whole modern advertising industry dedicated to proving him wrong, isn’t there? But you just know instinctively that they’re wrong and he’s right: you are you and I am me, and none of the really important things about our lives are defined by what we own”.

“That’s true”.

“And then I think about all the wars in human history that grew out of revenge and tit for tat – ‘You hit me, I’ll hit you back harder, you burned down my village, I’ll burn down ten of yours’- and Jesus comes along and nips it all in the bud”.

“ ‘Turn the other cheek’, you mean?”

“Yeah”.

“But isn’t that a bit impractical?”

“I guess, but how’s the alternative working for us? Wasn’t World War Two basically Hitler working out his rage that the Allies had won World War One? And wasn’t all that fuelled by the Treaty of Versailles, and the determination of the French to punish the Germans? Turning the other cheek may be impractical, but it seems to me that anger and revenge have caused millions of deaths, too”.

“I never thought of it that way”.

“I guess that’s the sort of thing that impresses me about Jesus. And then I love the way that he’s just his own guy, you know? He doesn’t bow and scrape to the establishment, and he ignores barriers that other people won’t cross. He talks to women, which apparently you weren’t supposed to do as a Jewish man in those days, and even though he’s very religious he hangs out with prostitutes and treats them like decent human beings. I’m not sure he would have made a very good Mennonite pastor!”

We both laughed, and I took another sip of my coffee. “You’re saying that Christianity might not have got Jesus right all the time?”

She shook her head with a frown; “I don’t know. Like I said, I went through a phase in my late teens when I was a little disillusioned with organized religion, but now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of twenty-four, I’ve got a little more patience for it. Yes, it often misses the mark, but then, so do I”.

“I suppose we all do at some point. So are you going to rejoin the church, then?”

“I’m not there yet; I’ve still got lots of questions. Joe would like me to, of course”.

“Is he a believer?”

“Yeah, he was baptized when he was sixteen, and he’s never really looked back”.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s been baptized as a teenager before. All the Christians I knew were Church of England, so they were christened as babies. Me too, I guess”.

“You were christened as a baby? I thought your parents didn’t go to church?”

“No, but you don’t have to be a regular churchgoer to get your baby christened”.

“You don’t? That’s weird!”

“Why is it weird?”

She shrugged; “Well, I guess it depends on what you think baptism means, and it’s possible that Mennonites have a different take on that. We think that baptism is a commitment you make to Jesus and the church. That’s why we don’t baptize babies; we think you have to be old enough to understand what you’re doing before you make that commitment”.

“I wouldn’t want to do it unless I was reasonably sure of the central truths of Christianity, and willing to commit myself to living as a Christian”.

“And you’re not there yet?”

“No”. She hesitated, and then said, “To be absolutely honest, I know I’d like to be there. I mean, I admire my mom and dad, and in some ways my brother is my hero, but I don’t want to let that influence my thinking”.

“Why not?”

“Well, then it’s not objective thinking, is it?”

“No, but surely the fact that Christianity has produced people who you admire and look up to is an argument in its favour, isn’t it? After all, if all it produced was hypocrites, you wouldn’t give it a second thought, even if its ideas were attractive to you”.

“True enough; but then, I can’t deny that Christianity has produced some hypocrites too”.

“I suppose that’s true”. I was quiet for a moment, drinking my coffee and remembering conversations I’d had with Owen over the years. Eventually I said, “It must have been different, growing up in a Christian home and then having a teenage rebellion against Christianity. For me, it worked the other way around: having conversations about Christianity with my best friend had a bit of teenage rebellion attached to it. I suspect that made it a bit more attractive to me”.

She looked at me in silence for a minute, and then she said, “I’m getting the sense that things aren’t all that easy between you and your parents”.

I shook my head, avoiding her gaze.

“I’m also getting the sense that you don’t want to talk about it”.

“Not really”.

“Okay”. She drained her coffee and said, “Well, shall we head back to town? You promised to play me some traditional folk music, and I’m looking forward to it”.

“So I did. Alright – give me half a minute to finish my coffee here, and we can be on our way”.

Tim Chesterton

Disclaimer

Please note that opinions expressed on this blog are entirely my own and do not necessarily represent the official view(s) of my parish, my bishop, my diocese, the Anglican Church of Canada, the folk music community of Edmonton, or any other organisation or community with which I am associated. Indeed, it is highly likely that they will not, since I appear to have been born with the maverick temperament!

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