growing up in a good ol' Kiwi Campground

Love and justice and action

This morning we went to run errands in our nearest biggish town, followed by sushi for lunch, as requested by The Campground Kid. We kept her awake for the drive home (we’re working on dropping her naps) and then we all watched a movie. It was a ridiculous family movie about puppies who play sports and get up to hijinks. It was terrible and amazing and happy-endinged and exactly like a million other family movies. Now Campground Papa is reading a story to The Campground Kid while dinner is in the oven and I am writing on the couch. Our little family is cosy and comfortable and familiar.

Our little bubble: Toddler football in the sun.

But when I look outside of this little bubble, the world feels anything but comfortable and familiar. In the run-up to the election in the USA, I dismissed Trump as a possibility at all. Once he was elected, I thought that surely all the checks and balances in the system would keep him… well… in check.

I was wrong.

I never like to be wrong, but this is one time that I really really don’t like to be wrong. The change in leadership in another country may not have a direct impact on my daily life, but even way down here in small town New Zealand, it’s disconcerting to see such toddler-like behaviour in arguably the most powerful office in the world. Thalia over at Sacraparental has a good list of why New Zealanders might care about what’s happening in the United States, but the two points that sum it up best for me are #3: New Zealand is not exempt from the fascism and selfishness that is infecting the world in a new wave right now (in fact we have a leader who is doing nothing to stand up to it) and #11: I need to choose a side. I’m choosing love and justice and action.

But as well as the immediate actions in response to immediate threats, it’s important for me to consider the long term ways in which I can choose love and justice and action. Because it’s these longer term actions that will (hopefully) prevent this being repeated in future generations. I recognise that being able to focus my thoughts on long term actions is a HUGE privilege, and I don’t at all mean to imply that everyone should be thinking long term at this time, but it’s what I need to do right now to ease my anxiety about the state of the world.

Unrelated Beach Scene, Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia

Over the last few years, I’ve learnt a lot about myself and the way I see the world. And in the wake of this election, I am reinvigorating my commitment to a few of the concepts that resonate most strongly and that I believe are powerful forces against the trend towards right-wing, nationalistic thinking (which is not just a US problem – not even close).

The first is Non-Violent Communication (NVC). NVC is a communication strategy that “begins by assuming that we are all compassionate by nature and that violent strategies—whether verbal or physical—are learned behaviors taught and supported by the prevailing culture. NVC also assumes that we all share the same, basic human needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs.” NVC is not easy – it’s a huge shift in mindset for me, and it’s a lot of work to understand and apply the principles consistently. But for me it’s been life-changing (even without doing it anywhere near consistently), and I really believe it has the potential to be world-changing. I don’t claim to be anything like an expert, so if you want to know more, check out the link above, or ask me and I’ll link some resources.

I came to learn about Non-Violent Communication through some respectful parenting circles, which brings me to the second thing that I believe can be world-changing: respectful parenting. I’m not linking a particular resource here, because there are so many different types of respectful parenting, and I don’t wish to be dogmatic or specific as to what respectful parenting involves. For me it’s about developmentally appropriate expectations of our kids, empathy, and seeing children as fundamentally good. For others it’s about different things, but the important linking thread is that respectful parenting is about respecting both children and the role of parenting. My views on parenting and the way we as a society value it have shifted greatly over the years; I’m not going to share it all, but the conclusion I’m currently at is: the way we think about and talk about and value parenting is really fucking important.

Last on my list is radical acceptance. In a world that constantly preys on our fears and doubts about the way things could and should be, accepting the way things are is, I believe, a radical act. Of the three things I’ve mentioned, this one comes the least easily to me. In fact, it’s really fucking hard. But in my experience, things that are really fucking hard are often hard because they’re also really fucking important. There are resources out there, but one of my favourite pieces about radical acceptance is this lovely story about radical acceptance in parenting. But the concept spreads far wider than just parenting. The more we see ourselves, other people, the world, not as a collection of problems to fix but rather as complex and valuable and worthy, the more we learn and understand and the more we are able to move forward and live in ways that fulfill us.

I do not intend this list to be exhaustive, nor to necessarily apply to anyone else. We all change the world a little bit each day, through every interaction, and (like most people, I’d imagine) ideally I want the little bit of change I make to be positive. These strategies are the ones that work best FOR ME at this stage of my life to achieve that, and even though I fail at them all constantly, they have all been life-changing for me. Maybe your ways of choosing love and justice and action look completely different to mine. That’s okay (of course it is; you don’t need me to tell you that!) But whatever love and justice and action look like to you, I hope you’re also choosing them at the moment. Because if anything good is to come out of this election, it’s going to be achieved by a groundswell of people on the side of love and justice and action.