MY NAME IS FRAN, AND MY HUSBAND IS JIMMY.I HAVE BEEN AN RN FOR 35 YEARS. NOW RETIRED DUE TO LEGALLY BLIND. I ENJOY DOING FREELANCE WRITING. JIMMY AND I MET 7 YEARS AGO IN A CHAT ROOM.HE CAME TO LAS VEGAS FROM JERSEY. HE TOLD ME FROM THE START THAT HE HAD TO GO TO PRISON,AS HE HAD COMMITTED A CRIME.HE WENT FOR 3.5 YEARS. NOW HE HAS BEEN HOME FOR 2 YEARS

THIS IS THE 2ND ANNIVERSARY OF THIS JOURNAL, AS I BEGAN WRITING IT ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, 2003. TRUTHFULLY, I'M NOT REALLY SURE IF MUCH HAS EVEN CHANGED IN THOSE 2 YEARS OF LIFE........I STILL SIT HERE, PATIENT, AND AWAIT THE RETURN OF MY HUSBAND. JIMMY ALWAYS SAYS TO ME, "YOU LIKE TO BE A MARTYR, FRAN, DON'T YOU?".........AND I ALWAYS ANSWER, "YES."..........NOT EXACTLY, A MARTYR FOR MYSELF, BUT i LIKE TO DO IT FOR OTHERS...FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD........FOR THOSE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO ARE JUST TOO BUSY TO EVEN STOP AND THINK, WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.

AND SO, I SIT HERE, ONCE AGAIN ALONE, ON THIS 3RD NEW YEAR'S EVE....WITH MY 3 ANIMALS.............I RECEIVED SOME PHONE CALLS TODAY, FROM SOME FRIENDS, HERE IN JERSEY, AD IN LAS VEGAS............EVERYONE IS ALWAYS NICE TO ME, AND A PHONE CALL AWAY......

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE OUT THERE, CELEBRATING TONIGHT, PLEASE ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF IT!

ALSO, I'D LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE WHO READ THIS JOURNAL...SOME ARE FACELESS...AND SOME HAVE BECOME MY FRIENDS!..........YOU ALWAYS ALL SUPPORT ME SO VERY WELL..........YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB!

..........AND ALL YOU PRISONER'S WIVES.........YET, ANOTHER YEAR.........I KNOW YOU ARE ALL SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR MAN

WELL, TO SPEAK UP FOR YOU ALL........I KNOW FOR MYSELF, I MET AND MARRIED A WONDERFUL MAN!.........HE IS A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.........CHEERFUL, FUNNY, INTELLIGENT, HANDSOME.....DASHING AND DEBONAIR, AND YET TOUGH AND STRONG, WHEN HE WANTS TO BE.................BEFORE HE WENT TO PRISON, HE GAVE ME EVERYTHING ANY WOMAN COULD EVER WANT...............AND EVEN IN PRISON, HE PROVIDES FOR ME......HE KEEPS TRACK OF ME, AND THE HOUSEHOLD..............AND NOT A DAY GOES BY, THAT HE TELLS ME THINGS WILL SOON BE DIFFERENT, AND HE IS SORRY FOR DOING THIS TO ME.............

AND SO, HERE WE ARE.........6PM.........NEW YEAR'S EVE........SOON TO BE ANOTHER YEAR.....IT IS NOW AN EXCITING MOMENT IN TIME, AS THE OLD YEAR DISAPPEARS, AND THE NEW YEAR MERGES...........WE ALL START AFRESH, AT THE SAME TIME...

GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE, AND MAY YOU ALL HAVE A 'HAPPY NEW YEAR."......................FRAN

Friday, December 30, 2005

HI EVERYONE!.......ONCE AGAIN, LIFE MOVES ON!....I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET AWAY WITH IT!.........TOMORROW, NEW YEAR'S EVE, IS THE SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF THIS JOURNAL. YES, IT WAS IN THE EVENING, BEFORE MIDNIGHT, THAT I SAT HERE , ALONE, DEPRESSED, IN A COLD , LONELY HOUSE, WITH MY 3 ANIMALS SURROUNDING ME.......JIMMY HAD MADE HIS USUAL 15 MINUTE COLLECT CALL FROM BAYSIDE STATE PRISON, AND HE HAD SUGGESTED I START A JOURNAL ON AOL..........AND SO I DID.........THAT WAS MY FIRST ENTRY , ON 12/31/03......IT WAS ONLY A FEW LINES. AND THEN I BEGAN TO WRITE AND WRITE, AND REALIZED THAT THIS JOURNAL WAS HELPING THOUSANDS OF WOMEN ACROSS AMERICA, MANY IN MY SAME SHOES, SOME JUST INTERESTED IN MY UNUSUAL LIFE....AND THEN, LAST WINTER, A NEWSPAPER REPORTER FOR "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY," FOUND MY JOURNAL WHILE DOING RESEARCH FOR PRISONS, ON "GOOGLE, " AND HE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THIS JOURNAL, THAT HE WROTE A STORY ABOUT ME, THAT APPEARED IN THE FEB. 20, 2005 EDITION OF THE PAPER........HE CAME HERE, TO MY HOUSE TO INTERVIEW ME FOR 2 HOURS, AND SENT A PHOTOGRAHER TO TAKE PIX.......HE EVEN GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION TO GO TO KINTOCK TO INTERVIEW JIMMY FOR 2 HOURS...........AND I WAS HAPPY ABOUT ALL THAT.........I WAS PORTRAYED AS A WOMAN THAT IS HELPING OTHER PRISONER'S WIVES , DURING THEIR DIFFICULT TIME........PEOPLE FIND STRENGTH IN ME..........AND YET, ALTHOUGH THEY SAY I AM STRONG, I AM ALSO VERY WEAK.......IT'S A STRANGE LIFE...IT IS LIKE YOU EXIST, BUT YOU ARE NO WHERE.................AND SO, I CONTINUE TO WRITE, HOPEFULLY NOT BORING YOU.......AND HOPEFULLY NOT DEPRESSING YOU!

WELL, JIMMY WENT TO CLASSIFICATION YESTERDAY. I KNOW WHERE HE WILL BE SENT TO NEXT WEEK. HOWEVER, I WILL KEEP YOU IN SUSPENCE FOR A WHILE LONGER.

AT THIS POINT, WE CAN ONLY LOOK TO THE SPRING, AND THE NEW YEAR................IT IS SO STRANGE.......I NEVER LIVED LIKE THIS BEFORE...........WAITING, AND WAITING........FOR THE MONTHS AND SEASONS TO PASS........AND THAT IS WHAT "TIME, " IS ALL ABOUT...........WAITING FOR TIME TO PASS........."DOING TIME."......WE MUST REMEMBER, "TIME" IS A MAN-MADE CONCEPT.........IN THE WORLD OF GOD, TIME DOES NOT EXIST........TIME IS INFINITY..NO BEGINNING, AND NO END........AND SO BE IT.....................................FRAN

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

WELL, NEW YEAR'S EVE, IS NOW ON IT'S WAY!......OH HOW WONDERFUL!...LOL.......ONCE A PERSON THAT LOVED HOLIDAYS, AND LIFE IN GENERAL, I NOW HIDE UNDER THE BED COVERS, TILL ALL THE "HOLIDAY PEOPLE, " ARE DONE CELEBRATING................JIMMY GETS SO MAD AT ME, BECAUSE HE LOVES HOLIDAYS, AND IS SUCH A HAPPY PERSON....ALL THE TIME.......HE CALS ME ONCE OR TWICE A DAY...HE BEGS ME TO GET UP , AND "GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, FRAN.".....IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME TO DO, BUT ALAS!....TODAY I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO GET UP, AND GO TO FOOD SHOP....WELL, AFTER ALL, PRINCE, THE DOG, HAD NO FOOD LEFT.........AND I LOVE MY DOGGIE!

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'LL BE GOING OUT AGAIN TOMORROW, AS I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.......SO I HAVE NO CHOICE..........

LIFE GOES ON, MOVES SLOWLY, AND DRIVES ME INSANE........ONE READER OF THIS JOURNAL SAID I AM DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY. YES, YOU ARE RIGHT....BUT THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS JPOURNAL, TO SEE EXACTLY HOW THE LIFE OF THE WIFE OF A PRISONER LIVES..........LIKE I ALWAYS SAY, GREAT BRITAIN HAS EXTENSIVE PROGRAMS IN THEIR COUNTRY, TO FOLLOW THE PRISONER'S WIFE, AND SEE IF SHE, OR HER CHILDREN ARE OK........BUT, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE , AMERICA HAS NOTHING..........AND SO, WE ARE OUT IN SOCIETY, ALONE..............BUT WE ARE HERE IN MANY NUMBERS, AS THERE ARE 2 MILLION, OR MORE PEOPLE INCARCERATED IN THIS COUNTRY.............IMAGINE HOW MANY LOVED ONES, AND CHILDREN ARE OUT THERE.

AND SO, I'LL SAY GOOD NIGHT......ANOTHER DAY OVER........TOMORROW, THURSDAY, JIMMY IS SUPPOSSED TO GO TO "CLASSIFICATION, " SO WE WILL FIND OUT WHERE HE IS GOING NEXT.....................FRAN

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

JIMMY'S MONEY ORDER, THAT HE HAD WITH HIM AT KINTOCK THE NIGHT HE WAS TAKEN BACK TO PRISON, WAS STOLEN AND CASHED. I HAVE THIS UNDER INVESTIGATION AT THIS TIME....THIS IS A FEDERAL CRIME, FOR FRAUD. WE WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.....THE MONEY ORDER WAS FOR OVER $200.00...........ISN'T THE PERSON WHO DID THIS AWARE THAT RECORDS ARE KEPT, BY WESTERN UNION, AND IT WILL BE TRACED, WHOEVER TOOK IT, AND CASHED IT.......I JUST SPOKE WITH WESTERN UNION, AND YES, THEY SAID THAT THIS IS A MAJOR CRIME......,.AND I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT THAT PERSON WILL PROBABLY GO TO PRISON, HIMSELF.............FRAN

Monday, December 26, 2005

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ALL, SOME GREAT NEWS! JIMMY AND I HAD SPONSERED A DOG, THROUGH OUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER....WITH A DONATION, THE DOG'S PICTURE, AND OUR NAME APPEARED IN THE PAPER LAST WEEK...WELL, WHEN I OPENED THE PAPER TODAY, I WAS TAKEN ABACK!......MOCHA'S (THE DOG'S NAME) PICTURE WAS THERE, AND HAD BEEN ADOPTED BY A FAMILY.........I WAS SO OVERCOME BY JOY, AND STARTED TO CRY!...........I WAS SO HAPPY, AND SO WAS JIMMY! MOCHA WAS A 7 YR. OLD LAB/SHEPARD..BEAUTIFUL, LIGHT BROWN, WITH LOVING EYES....A VERY CALM FEMALE, WHO WAS GOOD WITH CHILDREN AND OTHER PETS. I MYSELF WANTED TO GO ADOPT HER, WHEN I SAW HER PIX IN THE PAPER..I ALMOST DID, SEVERAL TIMES, CALL UP TO ADOPT HER.....ALL LAST WEEK I WAS TALKING TO JIMMY ABOUT MOCHA. JIMMY SAID, "NO FRAN, YOU CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER DOG RIGHT NOW, ALTHOUGH MOCHA WOULD MAKE A GOOD COMPANION FOR PRINCE. WHEN I COME HOME, WE WILL GET ANOTHER DOG.".................AND SO, I AM SO HAPPY THAT MOCHA WAS ADOPTED, AND NOW , WITHIN MY HEART, I KNOW SHE IS WITH A LOVING FAMILY!....AND JIMMY AND I MADE THIS POSSIBLE, THROUGH OUR SPONSERING HER!.................FRAN

JIMMY CALLED ME AGAIN TODAY...,AT 7PM, FOR TWO 15 MINUTE CALLS...NOT MUCH FOR TWO VERY-CONNECTED PEOPLE....HE WRITES ME VERY LONG LETTERS...

WE WAIT FOR THURSDAY, WHEN HE WILL GO TO CLASSIFICATION, AND BE PLACED SOMEWHERE...BUT , OH YES, I ALMOST FORGOT! WE ARE NOW GETTING INTO NEW YEAR'S EVE...AND "THE SYSTEM" IS TOO BUSY "PARTYING," AND "HOLIDAYING," WHILE MY HUSBAND SITS IN A CELL THAT IS 8X9FT, BECAUSE KINTOCK DECIDED TO DO THIS TO HIM FOR THE HOLIDAYS....WHY DON'T YOU ALL TAKE A MEASURING TAPE, AND MEASURE THAT.,.AND MY HUSBAND IS SOMEWHERE AROUND 300 LBS...........I BET NICE , BIG MEN WOULD FEEL CLAUSTROPHOBIC TO BE IN SUCH A TINY SPACE, EVERYDAY, ALL DAY...LET OUT FOR ONLY A FEW MINUTES..,.AND, AS YOU MAY HAVE READ HERE, JIMMY IS INNOCENT OF HIS CHARGES. BUT BECAUSE THIS HAPPENED AT HOLIDAY TIME, HE IS TRAPPED WITHIN THE SYSTEM, AND HASN'T BEEN PLACED ANYWHERE..........WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, JIMMY'S MIND IS JUST FINE...ALL HE DOES IS "THINK" FOR 24 HOURS/DAY.......I AM VERY LUCKY TO HAVE MARRIED SUCH AN INTELLIGENT MAN........A MAN VERY, VERY WELL-VERSED IN THE LAW..............AS MY HUSBAND WAS AN ATTORNEY, WHO GRADUATED FROM ONE OF THE BEST LAW SCHOOLS IN NEW YORK.........AND HE KNOWS HOW TO GO ABOUT THINGS....................AS FOR ME, I STAY IN BED 24 HOURS/DAY....I SLEEP 2 HOURS, AND THEN GET UP FOR ONE OR TWO, TO DO A FEW HOUSEHOLD THINGS........JIMMY IS WORRIED ABOUT ME, AND BEGS ME TO GET UP...HE MAKES SURE I TAKE CARE OF THE ANIMALS. I TAKE THINGS SLOWLY...VERY SLOWLY. MY STOMACH HAS BEEN HURTING ME SO BAD, THAT I CAN BARELY EAT ANYTHING, OTHERWISE I GET STOMACH PAINS, LIKE SOMEONE HAS PUNCHED ME IN THE STOMACH.....TODAY I ONLY HAD A CUP OF TEA, AND 2 PIECES OF TOAST.....I AM TAKING TAGAMET, AND IT HAS STARTED HELPING A LITTLE....JIMMY THINKS I MAY HAVE DEVELOPED A STOMACH ULCER...AND MAYBE HE IS RIGHT.........................I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE WHY THEY WOULD SINGLE OUT MY HUSBAND, WHEN HUNDREDS OF MEN AT KINTOCK HAVE CELL PHONES........I, MYSELF, CAN EVEN GIVE YOU NAMES OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE CELL PHONES...........HOWEVER, I WOULD NEVER STOOP THAT LOW....I KNOW THAT THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ARE SCARED I WILL "TATTLE-TALE" ON THEM...I GUESS THEY ARE SHAKING IN THEIR BOOTS....DON'T WORRY, I WON'T DO IT....I'M NOT A "SNITCH, " EVEN THOUGH OTHERS HAVE DONE MY HUSBAND WRONG........MY HUSBAND SAYS HE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME FOR "MY INTELLIGENCE," AMONGST OTHER THINGS........I AM A VERY DEDICATED WOMAN, TO MY MAN.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

HI EVERYONE!....WELL, HERE IT IS, CHRISTMAS DAY...A 3RD CHRISTMAS ALONE, FOR ME....YOU'D THINK I'D GET USED TO IT, BUT I JUST CAN'T....IT ONLY GETS WORSE EVERY YEAR....JIMMY CALLED ME AT 12 NOON, TODAY..WE SPOKE FOR THE USUAL 15 MINUTES.........HE SOUNDED A LITTLE SAD...THAT'S UNUSUAL FOR HIM...HE SAID HE WAS AWAKE FROM 1 AM, WRITING ME A LETTER, ALL NIGHT.....HE SAID TH PRISON IS THE ONE PLACE A PERSON DOES NOT WANT TO BE IN, ON CHRISTMAS DAY.....ALL TH MEN ARE VERY DEPRESSED THERE, BEING AWAY FROM THEIR LOVED ONES, ON SUCH A SPECIAL HOLIDAY...AND SO, THEY LINE UP AT THE PHONES, AND MAKE THEIR CALLS TO LOVED ONES...WIVES, GIRLFRIENDS, CHILDREN...WHOEVER.........JIMMY SAYS IT IS SO BARREN AND UGLY IN THAT PRISON, YOU WOULD NEVER EVEN KNOW IT IS CHRISTMAS.....

YOU SEE, THE PRISON THAT JIMMY IS IN , IS A RECEPTION AREA, AND EVALUATION AREA FOR PRISONERS.....SO THEREFORE THERE ARE "NO VISITING " HOURS THERE....AND PHONE CALLS ARE LIMITED...........YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, THAT JIMMY HAS BEEN CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES...HE IS INNOCENT OF DOING WRONG...AND YET, BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY TIME, HE GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MESS, AND HE IS STILL IN THAT PRISON...TECHNICALLY, HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLACED ELSEWHERE.....WE WOULDN'T KNOW UNTIL NEXT THURSDAY. BUT BECAUSE THIS ALL UNFORTUNATELY HAPPENED DURING THE WEEKS BEFORE AND DURING CHRISTMAS, JIMMY IS STUCK WHERE HE IS....AND SO, I WOULD ONCE AGAIN LIKE TO THANK THOSE AT KINTOCK, THAT MADE THIS HAPPEN...I GUESS YOU ARE ALL HAPPY, BECAUSE TRUTHFULLY, PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE HAPPY TO BRING MISERY TO OTHERS....I GUESS THAT IS JUST THE WAY YOU ALL ARE.....................FRAN

Saturday, December 24, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS, TO ALL THE PRISONER'S WIVES, WHO SPEND YET ANOTHER CHRISTMAS ALONE..............

YOU ARE IN OUR THOUGHTS....YOU ARE NOT ALONE...YOU EXIST WITH YOUR HUSBAND WITHIN THE REALMS OF TIME AND LOVE, UNREACHABLE BY NO ONE, BUT EACH OTHER...........................

...........................I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK ALL THE READERS OF THIS JOURNAL...OF THE THOUSANDS ACROSS AMERICA, AND ABROAD, WHO HAVE REMAINED DEVOTED, AND WHO HAVE SHARED THE EXPERIENCES OF THOSE WHO HAVE LOVED ONES IN PRISON.............THOSE THAT HAVE LEARNED JUST HOW LIFE IS, WITHOUT YOUR LOVED ONE AT HOME .......................THANK YOU SO MUCH!..........

Friday, December 23, 2005

I HAVE 4 CARDBARD BOXES OF JIMMY'S THINGS FROM KINTOCK...BUT GUESS WHAT! KINTOCK STOLE MOST OF MY HUSBAND'S GOOD POSSESSIONS, AND HIS MONEY TOO........THEY ONLY SENT ME HIS SHIRTS, A FEW PANTS, A COUPLE OF SHOES, A FEW BOOKS. MISSING ARE 2 OF HIS GOOD SUIT JACKETS, HIS WALLET, THE KEYS TO THE IGA FOODSTORE IN ATLANTIC CITY........HIS MONEY (AT LEAST $200, or more), AND MONEY ORDERS, TOTALLING OVER $200..........DOES KINTOCK THINK THEY WILL GET AWAY WITH THIS?....THAT THE PEOPLE WORKING THERE STOLE MY HUSBAND'S MONEY AND BELONGINGS?.......WHAT DO YOU THINK?...........I CURRENTLY HAVE A TRACE ON HIS MONEY ORDERS, WITH WESTERN UNION, AND I JUST HOPE, KINTOCK DID NOT CASH THEM...BECAUSE, ALAS!...THAT WOULD BE AGAINST THE LAW!...AND I AM SURE THAT KINTOCK WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL, BECAUSE, AS MANY OF YOU MAY NOT REALIZE, THEY HAVE BEEN TRYING DESPARETLY TO GET "ACCREDITED," THESE PAST WEEKS.

SO, WE MUST BE CAREFUL THAT "KINTOCK" STAYS ON IT'S P'S AND Q'S...........THAT THEY DO NOTHING WRONG, SO THEY CAN GET ACCREDITED BY THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY......

WHEN LARRY WENT TO PICK UP THE 4 BOXES OF JIMMY'S STUFF AT KINTOCK, HE WAS TOLD ALL VALUABLES, SUCH AS MONEY, CLOTHES, AND WALLET, WOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO "SOUTHWOODS PRISON,' WHICH IS ACROSS THE STREET FROM KINTOCK. I WAS EVEN GIVEN THE PHONE NUMBER TO CALL, WHICH I DID. WHEN I CALLED AND SPOKE TO "SGT. ...", HE SAID IT IS NOT IN THEIR POLICY TO ACCEPT ANY VALUABLES OR BELONGINGS FROM KINTOCK RESIDENTS. SO, WHERE, I ASK, DID JIMMY'S MONEY AND POSESSIONS DISAPPEAR TO? YOU SEE, NO ONE I SPEAK TO SEEMS TO KNOW. EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE PASSING THE BUCK...BUT GUESS WHAT!.....THE BUCK STOPS HERE.....WE WILL NOT LET THIS REST, UNTIL WE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT.........

WHEN I WORKED AS AN R. N., BELONGINGS AND VALUABLES OF PATIENTS WAS ALWAYS A BIG ISSUE. THE MONEY HAD TO BE COUNTED BEORE 2-3 PEOPLE, IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT. EACH DENOMINATION OF EACH BILL HAD TO BE WRITTEN DOWN, IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT...THEN IT WAS LOCKED IN A CANVES BAG, WITH A SPECIAL LOCK ON IT, AND CARRIED TO SECURITY AND PUT IN A SAFE *(this pertained to all valuables, such as keys, jewelry, dentures)........THIS IS A LOT OF "BULL" THAT KINTOCK DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HUSBAND'S THINGS...........IS THIS ANY WAY TO RUN AN INSTITUTION? WE WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS...BELIEVE ME, WE WILL.......AND I'M SURE IN THE LONG RUN SOME POLICY CHANGES WILL BE MADE TO PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING TO OTHER RESIDENTS IN THE FUTURE. NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS ANOTHER ISSUE...

MANY RESIDENTS AT KINTOCK HAVE CELL PHONES...MAYBE EVEN HUNDREDS..CELL PHONES ARE NOT ALLOWED, AND YET, IT IS A KNOWN FACT, IN THE INSTITUTION, THAT THEY ARE LETTING SOME MEN GET AWAY WITH IT, AND OTHERS, LIKE MY HUSBAND , ARE SENT BACK TO PRISON FOR IT, DESPITE THE NEED FOR THIS CELL PHONE ON HIS JOB.........NOW, LET ME EXPLAIN...THIS IS A VERY UNFAIR POLICY AT KINTOCK, AND IT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. ............MY HUSBAND BEING SENT BACK TO PRISON, WHILE OTHER MEN GO FREE, AT THE DOING OF THOSE WORKING IN KINTOCK, WELL THIS IS UNFAIR, AND NEEDS TO BE STOPPED, ASAP.........

NOW, I WILL TELL YOU OF AN INCEDENT THAT TOOK PLACE AT KINTOCK SEVERAL WEEKS BEFORE THEY SENT MY HUSBAND BACK....THERE WAS A RESIDENT I WILL CALL "JB." HE WAS FOUND WITH A CELL PHONE, ON THE PROPERTY OF KINTOCK..HE WAS TOLD BY KINTOCK, WE WILL NOT SEND YOU BACK TO PRISON, IF YOU"RAT" ON OTHER GUYS, AND TELL US WHO HAVE CELL PHONES. JB, BY THAT TIME, HAD PLACED THE CELL PHONE IN HIS PANTS, IN HIS GROIN AREA...HE REFUSED TO GIVE IT UP.....THEN HE STARED TELLING WHO HAD CELL PHONES....HE WAS THEN ALLOWED TO KEEP THE CELL PHONE, WAS NOT SENT BACK TO PRISON, AND WAS RELEASED ON PAROLE A FEW DAYS LATER. NOW, DO YOU THINK THIS IS FAIR?...TO ME, IT SEEMS ILLEGAL. AS FOR JIMMY, HE GAVE OVER HIS PHONE IMMEDIATELY, AND EXPLAINED HE FORGOT TO LEAVE IT AT THE STORE THAT NIGHT....AND HE WAS TAKEN BACK TO PRISON RIGHT AWAY...........DOESN'T THAT SEEM A LITTLE FISHY TO YOU..THAT THESE KIND OF INCONSISTANCIES ARE GOING ON IN AN INSTITUTION. A GOOD INSTITUTION MUST HAVE POLICIES, AND THESE MUST BE ABIDED BY........OBVIOSLY, IT SEEMS THAT THE PEOPLE WORKING THERE, ARE NOT FOLLOWING THE SAME POLICIES FOR EVERYONE...IT SEEMS POLICIES ARE BEING BROKEN, AND THAT IT DEPENDS WHO "YOUR FRIEND IS."

ALSO, I UNDERSTAND THAT OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER, KINTOCK MAKES ANNOUNCEMENTS TO PLEASE TELL ON YOUR FELLOW RESIDENT, IF THEY ARE USING A CELL PHONE....THIS IS NOT RIGHT.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME, I WAS MAKING A BIG, DELICIOUS LASAGNA TO BRING WITH ME ON CHRISTMAS DAY, WHEN I WENT TO SEE JIMMY, WITH HIS FRIEND LARRY, WHO TOOK ME THERE.......I WAS BUSY BUYING COLD CUTS, AND ROASTED CHICKEN, AND A FEW ITALIAN CHRISTMAS FOODS, LIKE PANETONE......

MY HOUSEHOLD WAS BUSY...FILLED WITH GIFTS I HAD BOUGHT FOR JIMMY...SHIRTS AND SWEATERS...GLOVES...A BEAUTIFUL ATTACHE...LOTS OF GIFT WRAP, AND COLORFUL BAGS...AND WRAPPINGS....I THINK IT IS ALL THAT RED AND GREEN AND GOLD...AND BLUE, AND SILVER... ETC., ETC., ETC., THAT MAKES THE SEASON SO CHEERFUL......AND WHEN WE GOT TO KINTOCK, ON CHRISTMAS DAY, WE SAT IN THE CAFETERIA, AMONGST SO MANY OTHER VISITORS AND RESIDENTS, AND INVITED SOME TO OUR TABLE, TO JOIN US....EVERYONE ATE, AND LAUGHED, AND MADE THE BEST IN "OUR SITUATION.".............AND OF COURSE, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER VISITED A PRISONER, ON CHRISTMAS, THE ROOM IS FILLED WITH LITTLE DELIGHTFUL FACES, ALL AGLOW , SMILING , AND RUNNUNG ABOUT...THERE TO SEE THEIR DADDY'S!

AND SO, THIS CHRISTMAS IS DIFFERENT, FOR ME, ANYHOW....THERE IS NO GLITTER....NO JOY........THERE IS ONLY DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE HUMAN RACE....THAT "KINTOCK," THE HALF-WAY HOUSE SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS EVIL THING TO ME THIS HOLIDAY.........

JIMMY WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE COME HOME ON HIS FURLOUGH THIS WEEK-END...IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A 3 DAY FURLOUGH.......SATURDAY, SUNDAY, AND MONDAY......

BUT NO, PEOPLE HAD TO MESS IT UP, FOR JIMMY AND MYSELF......

LET ME EXPLAIN TO ALL THOSE READING THIS JOURNAL...MY HUSBAND IS QUITE AN INTELLIGENT MAN......THE JOB HE HAD AT IGA FOODSTORE, AS ASSISTANT MANAGER,(ATLANTIC CITY).........WAS MOST LIKELY ONE OF THE BEST JOBS HELD BY A RESIDENT OF A HALF-WAY HOUSE, IN THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY...........AND THERE WERE MANY PEOPLE JEALOUS, THAT JIMMY SHOULD HAVE HAD SUCH A WONDERFUL JOB, WHILE WITHIN THE PRISON SYSTEM........IT WAS NOT ONLY A PRESTIGIOUS JOB, BUT WELL-PAYING, TOO...........LET ME EXPLAIN, THAT MOST OF THOSE RESIDENT'S AT KINTOCK, EARN THE MINIMUM WAGE...THEY WORK IN FACTORIES...SOME "PLUCK" FEATHERS OUT OF CHICKENS AT THE FACTORY.........MOST HAVE NOT EVEN GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL, NO LESS COLLEGE...........MOST ARE DELIQUENTS, DRUG ADDICTS AND ALCOHOLICS, WHO KNOW NOTHING BUT A LIFE OF STREET CRIME............AND BUMMMM!....THERE WAS JIMMY, COLLEGE EDUCATED, WITH HIGH DEGREES OF EDUCATION, KNOWLEDGABLE.....WHO FOUND HIMSELF A GOOD JOB.......ONLY TO BE USED AS A PAWN...BECAUSE OF JEALOUSY........

I WILL TALK MORE ON THIS SUBJECT LATER........BECAUSE IT UPSETS ME SO.

AND BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY, THEY DID NOT SEE HIM TOPDAY, TO CLASSIFY HIM....SO, I GUESS NOW, HE WILL HAVE TO WAIT ONE MORE WEEK TO BE CLASSIFIED, UNTIL AFTER THE HOLIDAYS..............ARE YOU ALL HAPPY, MAY I ASK?

SO JIMMY STILL SITS IN HIS LITTLE CELL...8X9FT..........HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF HIS ACTIONS BEING CLEARED, AND HE IS NOW INNOCENT, HE IS NO LONGER "BEING PUNISHED, " BY "CRAF."....THAT IS BEING LET OUT FOR A FEW MINUTES A DAY....HE IS NOW BEING LET OUT FOR A LONGER PERIOD OF TIME......

I WILL REMEMBER YOU ALL, AS YOU GO TO CHRISTMAS DINNER WITH YOUR FAMILIES, AND LOVED ONES...AS YOU EAT IN MERRIMENT, OPEN PRESENTS, AND ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER............AND PLEASE REMEMBER ME, KINTOCK, AS I SIT HERE ALONE...AND JIMMY DOES, TOO...A THIRD YEAR ALONE....ALL TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE....NOW, ONLY A PAST THOUGHT OF JUST HOW CHRISTMAS 2005 SHOULD HAVE BEEN, BUT NOW ISN'T............FRAN

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

JUST STOPPING BY, TO SAY HELLO...ALL IS WELL...JIMMY JUST CALLED ME A LITTLE WHILE AGO...HE WILL GO TO CLASSIFICATION TOMORROW....HE SAID HE IS HAPPY, BUT HE WILL BE HAPPIER WHEN EVERY THING IS OVER, AND HE IS HOME FOR GOOD IN MY LOVING ARMS.

HE IS INNOCENT OF HIS CHARGES...AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY...

HOWEVER, IT IS CRUEL THAT MY HUSBAND HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS FOR THE PAST 21 DAYS, OR SO....TO BE PUT IN A CELL, SMALLER THAN ONE CAN IMAGINE...HE IS LET OUT ONLY A FEW MINUTES EVERY DAY, TO CALL ME...HE TOLD ME HE CAN ONLY SHOWER EVERY OTHER DAY, BECAUSE THERE JUST ISN'T ENOUGH TIME.....

AND SO, I AM LIKE AN OLD FASHIONED WOMAN...I DO THE BID WITH MY HUSBAND...........I CHOOSE TO STAY HERE, AND SACRIFICE, ALONG WITH JIMMY...IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY TO CARRY SOME OF THE BURDEN..........

THERE ARE MANY EVIL PEOPLE OUT THERE, IN THIS WORLD........THEY ARE LURKING AROUND EVERY CORNER......

AND, I WOULD STILL LIKE TO SEND GOOD WISHES, AND HOLIDAY BLESINGS, ALTHOUGH YOU DID THIS TO JIMMY ONLY A FEW WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS.......

YOU SEE, I AM A SINNER, LIKE EVERYONE ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH IS.......HOWEVER , I DON'T THINK I'M EVIL, AND NEITHER IS JIMMY............AND I WOULD NEVER BACK-STAB A PERSON..........

AND SO, I WISH ALL THOSE THAT DID INJUSTICE TO MY HUSBAND , A MERRY AND BLESSED CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON, AS I STILL BELIEVE IN THE GOODNESS OF MAN................FRAN

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

JIMMY JUST CALLED ME 2 MINUTES AGO, WITH SPECIAL PERMISSION, WE SPOKE FOR LESS THAN 1 MINUTE!!!!!!!

HIS EXACT WORDS WERE, "I WON THE APPEAL! THE CASE IS BEING THROWN OUT! I WILL BE GOING TO CLASSIFICATION ON THURSDAY!"

JIMMY WAS SO EXCITED, HE COULD BARELY TALK!

IT WAS AROUND 7:45 PM, HERE, WHEN HE CALLED ME...I NEVER, EVER, EXPECTED THIS CALL AND DECISION TO BE MADE AT THIS LATE TIME OF DAY..IN THE EVENING...

THANK -YOU , JESUS, IS ALL I CAN SAY, RIGHT NOW....

YES, THERE IS A GOD WHO LISTENS TO THE INNOCENT AND PURE OF HEART!

THERE IS A SAYING THAT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS....."THOSE WHO ARE PURE OF HEART, HAVE THE STRENGTH OF TEN." (i know i didn't get it right, but it is something like that)

YES, JIMMY AND I ARE ESCATIC!...........I KNEW ALL ALONG HE WAS INNOCENT OF THE CHARGES!..........HE NEEDED THAT CELL PHONE FOR HIS STORE, TO CALL 911 MANY TMES.............HE SAVED MANY LIVES USING THAT PHONE!..........."PRAISE BE TO ALMIGHTY GOD!"............THAT PHONE WAS A BLESSED PHONE!..............THE STORE WHERE HE WAS WORKONG, IS THE ONLY MAJOR FOODSTORE , IN ATLANTIC CITY............IT IS IN AN AREA WHERE THE LOCAL PEOPLE SHOP...THERE IS A LOT OF VIOLENCE AND CRIME THERE......THAT IS A "LIFE-SAVING PHONE." "GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST!"...................PLEASE SEND BLESSINGS, DEAR LORD, TO THOSE WHO APPROVED HIS APPEALED, AND PARDONED HIM....YES, THEY SAW JUSTICE IN THIS WICKED WORLD!

SO NOW, JIMMY WILL GO TO CLASSIFICATION ON THURSDAY...THAT MEANS THEY WILL DECIDE WHERE HE WILL GO UNTIL HIS PAROLE IN MARCH...........

AS FOR ME, I HAVE LED A SECLUSIVE LIFE THESE PAST DAYS...MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN IN AN 8X9FT CELL, LETTING HIM OUT FOR A FEW MINUTES A DAY...I HAVE BEEN LIKE AN OLD TRADITIONAL WOMAN, AT HOME, SHARING THE SUFFERING MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN ENDURING FOR THE PAST 19 DAYS.....NO RADIO, QUIT HOUSE...I STAY IN BED FOR 18 HOURS/DAY.....LITTLE FOOD...TEA AND TOAST...ORANGES...CHEESE...........I KEEP PRAYING TO OUR LORD...THE ROSARY...I SOMETIMES LISTEN TO CHANNEL 28 EWTN...THE CATHOLIC STATION....................I SHARE EVERYTHING MY HUSABAND GOES THROUGH.........

"LET THERE BE JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD, FOR ALL THOSE WHO SUFFER, DEAR LORD." .....AMEN.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

JIMMY JUST CALLED ME A FEW MINUTES AGO. IT WAS NOT A 15 MINUTE CALL..IT WAS AROUND A 5 MINUTE CALL...HE SAYS THIS IS THEIR WAY OF PUNISHING INMATES....SO, HE IS OUT OF HIS CELL FOR A VERY SHORT WHILE, NOT FOR A FULL HOUR, AS I HAD PREVIOUSLY SAID....IN THOSE MINUTES, HE MUST SHOWER, SHAVE, AND CALL ME.

BUT QUESS WHAT!....THERE IS NO ONE AND NOTHING THAT CAN KEEP US APART.........AND SO, WE BEAT THE SYSTEM! HOW? JIMMY HAS OTHER INMATES THAT CALL ME TO CHECK UP ON ME TO SEE HOW I'M DOING, AND WE SEND MESSAGES OF LOVE BACK AND FORTH, BETWEEN THEM. AND SO, I ENJOY TALKING TO THESE FELLOWS...AND ALL IS WELL.............AND I GUESS, ONCE AGAIN, MY PHONE BILLS WILL BE HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.......BUT WHO REALLY CARES?...THE MORE I GIVE OUT, THE MORE COMES BACK TO ME.......

I WENT OUT TODAY AND FACED THE WORLD....IT HAS BEEN MANY WEEKS SINCE I'VE GONE OUT OF THE HOUSE...I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING, AND THE HOUSE IS NOW STOCKED UP WITH FOOD...ALL WENT WELL, AND THERE WERE NOT MANY HOLIDAY PEOPLE AROUND!....I WENT TO RADIO SHACK TO BUY INK FOR THE PRINTER, AND MORE COMPUTER PAPER...................TOMORROW I'LL VENTURE OUT TO WALMART TO BUY SEVERAL CASES OF CAT FOOD, TO STOCK UP ON.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

IF YOU ARE READING THIS JOURNAL FOR THE FIRST TIME, LET ME SAY "WELCOME!" AND IF YOU ARE A PRISONER'S WIFE WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON, YES, I KNOW , IT HURTS. THE WORLD IS WORRIED ABOUT WIDOWS, THE AGED, THE SICK, THE HOMELESS, THE MILITARY, THE VICTIM'S OF NATURAL DISASTERS, THE POOR AND THE NEEDY....BUT NO ONE, SIMPLY NO ONE , IS WORRIED ABOUT THE WIFE OF A MAN IN PRISON...NO, THEY ARE NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE PRISONER, AND LET US NOT FORGET THE POOR LITTLE CHILDREN, WHO ARE WITHOUT THEIR DADDIES AND MOMMIES, FOR YET ANOTHER CHRISTMAS.....HOW HORRIBLE IT MUST BE FOR THEM!

I SHOULD CORRECT MYSELF...THROUGH THIS JOURNAL, I HAVE FINALLY MADE MANY PEOPLE AWARE OF PRISONER'S AND THE LOVED ONES THEY LEAVE BEHIND...THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS JOURNAL, AND WE MUST WORK TOGETHER TO CHANGE THINGS IN OUR COUNTRY. IF YOU LOOK INTO IT ON "GOOGLE," YOU WILL FIND THAT GREAT BRITAIN HAS AN EXTENSIVE SOCIAL SUPORT SYSTEM THROUGHOUT, FOR LOVED ONES OF PRISONERS, INCLUDING CHILDREN....IT IS A VERY GREAT THING...PROVIDED FOR BY THE GOVERNMENT...I COULD ONLY IMAGINE IT , HERE, IN AMERICA...AND IT WOULD BE MY DREAM COME TRUE, TO SEE IT HAPPEN HERE....OF COURSE, WE MUST START WRITTING TO OUR CONGRESSMEN, ETC........MAYBE IF WE JOIN FORCES, WE WILL START TO SEE THINGS CHANGE IN OUR COUNTRY.

I GUESS YOU REALIZED, I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A FEW DAYS.....WELL, I'VE JUST BEEN TRYING TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER, HERE......MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

JIMMY CALLS ME EVERYDAY, HOWEVER DUE TO BROKEN PHONES, HE CANT ALWAYS GET THROUGH TO ME. SO, HE HAS OTHER INMATES CALL ME, WHO ARE WALKING AROUND OUTSIDE HIS CELL....SO FAR, 3 INMATES HAVE CALLED ME TO SEE IF I'M OK, AND TO RELAY THE MESSAGE THAT JIMMY LOVES ME. AND SO, I HAVE ALSO LISTENED TO A LITTLE OF THEIR STORY...ONE HAS A WIFE WITH LYMPHOMA, ANOTHER HAS A 5 YEAR OLD SON, WHOM HE MISSES DEARLY......AND SO, THE PRISON STORIES ARE ENDLESS...DIFFERENT FACES, SIMILAR STORIES OF HARDSHIP.

I MUST SHARE WITH YOU SOMETHING WONDERFUL THAT HAPPENED TODAY!....IT IS SOMEWHAT OF A MIRACLE...........ALL DAY TODAY, I WAS IN THE HOUSE PRAYING TO THE LORD..........I FELT COMFORTED, AND A PEACE CAME OVER ME THAT I HAVE NOT FELT SINCE JIMMY WENT BACKTO PRISON..............AND THEN, I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM MY COUSIN IN NEW MEXICO. HER HUSBAND AND HERSELF , ARE VERY PROMINANT PEOPLE THERE, AS HE IS A VETINARIAN, AND THEY HAVE THEIR OWN BUSINESS, AND JUDY, MY COUSIN, HAD A VERY IMPORTANT POSITION, A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, AS "STATE REPRESENTATIVE," (R), NEW MEXICO. WELL, BOTH ARE VERY ACTIVE IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH...JUDY WAS TELLING ME THAT BOTH DO MARRIAGE COUNSELING WITHIN THE CHURCH..............NOW, ALL DAY, I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF, THAT JIMMY AND I SHOULD DO WORK FOR OTHERS WITHIN THE STRUCTURE OF THE CHURCH............................WELL, A FEW MINUTES LATER, AFTER THE LETTER ARRIVED, JIMMY TELLS ME THAT WE SHOULD BECOME MARRIAGE COUNSELORS FOR PRISONS, WITHIN THE CHURCH.........I WAS VERY SHOCKED...I KNEW HE WANTED TO DO THIS, BUT ALL THESE THOUGHTS CAME ON THE SAME DAY...................MY COUSIN WOULD SAY, 'IT IS THE HOLY SPIRIT, FRAN."

AND MY JIMMY WOULD SAY, THAT WE WOULD MAKE GOOD MARRIAGE COUNSELORS, AS WE HAVE A MOST WONDERFUL MARRIAGE, AND IT WOULD BE A JOY TO TEACH OTHERS JUST EXACTLY WHAT MARRIAGE AND LOVE AND COMMITEMENT IS ALL ABOUT................YES, WE BELIEVE VERY STRONGLY IN MARRIAGE........DESPITE WHAT A LOT OF OUR POPULATION FEELS........

JIMMY DID SEE THE "COURT LINE, " ON FRIDAY....HE IS APPEALING THE DECISION, AND SO IT WILL NOW GO INTO THE HIGHER ADMINISTRATOR'S HANDS..........IT IS BETTER THAT WAY................AND SO, THAT IS REALLY ALL I CAN SAY ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW, AS IT IS A LEGAL ISSUE.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

HI EVERYONE! I'VE BEEN VERY SICK THESE LAST 3 DAYS, WITH A "24 HOUR VIRUS," THAT IN REALITY LASTED 3 DAYS. AFTER JIMMY'S BOXES OF CLOTHES ARRIVED HERE, LATER THAT NIGHT I GOT VERY SICK WITH FEVER , AND GASTROENTESTINAL PROBLEMS, YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT!..........WELL, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO GET UP A LITTLE WHILE AGO, AND START DOING THINGS IN THE HOUSEHOLD.........I'M ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT THE ANIMALS.......I WAS ABLE TO DRAG MYSELF TO THE KITCHEN YESTERDAY, TO OPEN A FEW CANS OF PET FOOD...........HOWEVER, A FEW HOURS AGO, I WAS ABLE TO MAKE SOME FOOD THAT PRINCE LIKES, AND BRING HIM OUTSIDE FOR A FEW MINUTES...NOW, EVERYONE IS ONCE AGAIN HAPPY HERE.......PRINCE GETS VERY DEPRESSED WHEN HE SEES ME LAYING IN THE BED FOR A FEW DAYS, UNABLE TO GET UP.......

THERE IS NO FURTHER NEWS ABOUT JIMMY'S CASE. IN FACT, TODAY HE COULD NOT EVEN CALL ME.........NOW, ALL OF YOU READING THIS WILL JUST LOVE THIS......"HOW TERRIBLE THE PENAL SYSTEM IS.".............JIMMY IS ALLOWED TO CALL ME DURING AN HOUR BREAK OUTSIDE OF HIS CELL...WELL, TODAY, THE PHONE WAS BROKEN...YES BROKEN, SO HE COULD NOT GET THROUGH TO ME........SO, HE HAD ANOTHER INMATE CALL ME...ONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE FOR 8 MONTHS, AND IS ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND.........SO, HE CALLED ME, AND WE SPOKE FOR A WHILE....HIS NAME IS JIMMY, TOO!........HE TOLD ME HOW MY HUSBAND LOVES ME SO MUCH....AND GAVE ME LITTLE MESSAGES FROM JIMMY.......THEN, THIS "NEW JIMMY,' WAS TELLING ME HOW HIS POOR WIFE, WHOM HE LOVES SO MUCH, WAS DIAGNOSED WITH LYMPHOMA, AND IS VERY, VERY SICK, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE,,,,,,HIS WIFE CALLS THE PRISON 4-5 TIMES PER DAY, TO TALK TO ADMINISTRATORS, ETC....HIS WIFE IS ALSO A NURSE, LIKE ME.........THERE ARE SOME PARTICULARS ABOUT HIS CASE..HE VIOLATED HIS PAROLE, DUE TO HIS WIFE'S ILLNES, AND NOW HE IS ILLEGALLY KEPT WITHIN THE PRISON, FOR 8 MONTHS...THERE IS A LOT OF WRONG THINGS GOING ON IN PRISONS.......WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD-NIGHT FOR NOW........FRAN

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

JIMMY STILL HAS NOT BEEN SEEN BY THE BOARD, SO THERE IS NO DECISION YET. IT IS NOW THE 10th DAY HE IS LOCKED UP N A SMALL CELL THAT IS 8X9 FT. HE IS IN THAT CELL FOR 24 HOURS, AND IS LET OUT , I BELIEVE FOR ONE TO TWO HOURS /DAY, TO SHOWER, SHAVE, AND MAKE PHONE CALLS. HE STILL HAS NO READING MATERIAL, EXCEEPT A PUZZLE BOOK, AND A CHILD'S BOOK....INCREDIBLE!............EVEN THE SICK AND THE DYING, IN HOSPITALS AND NURSING HOMES, ARE TAKEN OUT OF THEIR ROOM AND PUT IN CHAIRS, AND PLACED IN FRONT OF TV';S................

JIMMY COMFORTED ME THAT HE IS DOING PUSH UPS, AND SIT UPS, AND EXERCISING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE............

I AM VERY WORRIED ABOUT MY HUSBAND'S HEALTH.....

IT IS UNFAIR AND UNJUST TO DO THIS TO A HUMAN BEING, FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME............I CAN SEE IF HE WERE A MURDERER OR VIOLENT MAN.....BUT, NO, THIS IS SIMPLY UNJUST.

IMAGINE IF YOU LOCKED YOURSELF IN THE SMALLEST OF SMALL BATH ROOMS FOR 24 HR/DAY X 10 DAYS.........NO WINDOWS, NO CLOCKS...........NOTHING TO DO OR READ, EXCEPT "THINK." DO YOU ALL NOT THINK THAT THIS IN ITSELF IS A FORM OF MENTAL AND PHYSICAL TORTURE.......I'M ALMOST TIRD OF SAYING IT.............THE PRISONS NEED TO BE REFORMED............BUT, I WILL NEVER TIRE, WHEN IT COMES TO MY HUSBAND................I WILL BE THERE AT ALL TIMES.......

IN MY NEXT ENTRY, I'LL WRITE THE LOVE LETTER I RECEIVED FROM JIMMY TODAY, FROM PRISON.................

IT WAS WRITTEN IN PENCIL.....HIS HAND WRITTING LOOKED DIFFERENT THAN IT NORMALLY IS. YOU COULD SEE EVERY LETTER WAS PRECISELY FORMED...YOU COULD SEE THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A PERSON THAT HAS ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO FORM EACH LETTER...........USUALLY, JIMMY SCRIBBLES VERY FAST..........TRUTHFULLY, I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HIS HANDWRITTING, BECAUSE .............. HOWEVER, HE IS STILL OPTIMISTIC AND STRONG ON THE PHONE............

Monday, December 12, 2005

SUGAR...(FROM LAST COMMENT)

CURRENTLY THEY ARE KILLING THE CATS AND DOGS, FOR THE ANIMAL'S FUR...TO SELL IT. ....PURELY ECONOMICS.....FOR MONEY. IN ORDER FOR THE FUR TO BE OF A GOOD QUALITY, THEY HAVE TO KILL THE ANIMAL FAST...FOR DOGS, THEY CUT OPEN THE BACK LEG, AND LET IT BLEED....OTHERWISE, IF THEY KILLED IT ANOTHER WAY, THE POURING OUT OF THE BLOOD WOULD RUIN THE FUR.....IT IS ALL ABOUT ECONOMICS......THE MONEY CHINA IS MAKING ON THE FAUX FUR........SOMETIMES THEY COMBINE FURS, AND MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE EXPENSIVE FUR, TO SELL IT...........THE TAPES SHOWED MAYBE HUNDREDS OF DOGS, IN THESE SLAUGHTERHOUSES, I GUESS YOU WOULD CALL THEM, BEING MISTREATED AND KILLED RIGHT OUT....VERY GRUESOME..........

THIS PRACTICE IS AGAINST THE LAW IN AMERICA, BUT PETA SAYS THE FUR MAY STILL BEING IMPORTED HERE FROM CHINA.....SO TO THE CONSUMER, THEY ARE ASKING YOU TO BUY NO PRODUCTS HERE WITH ANY FUR........

THIS IS ALL CURRENTLY TAKING PLACE, AS I READ AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT A FEW WEEKS AGO, TOO............SO, IT IS A GOOD CAUSE TO BE AWARE OF.....

HEARD FROM JIMMY A FEW HOURS AGO....WE HAVE IT DOWN TO ONE 15 MINUTE CALL PER DAY....THE BOARD DID NOT SEE HIM TODAY...HOWEVER HIS CASE IS UNDER INTENSE INVESTIGATION. I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT IT HERE, HOWEVER, I WILL LET YOU KNOW AS SOON AS I HEAR SOMETHING.....ALSO, JIMMY'S PERSONAL ATTORNEY CALLED ME TODAY, AND HE WILL BE TAKING A TRIP TO SEE JIMMY, VERY SOON. ......JIMMY IS STILL IN TH 8X9 FT. CELL.....IT IS AROUND 9 DAYS NOW, THAT HE IS THERE....HE MENTIONED THAT THEY GAVE HIM A STUPID BOOK TO READ, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, AND IS FOR CHILDREN.........DID ANYONE OUT THERE ACTUALLY MEASURE THAT (8x9ft cell), TO SEE HOW SMALL IT IS?......I ASKED JIMMY IF THAT IS THE SIZE OF THE COT HE IS SLEEPING ON....."NO, FRAN, THAT IS THE SIZE OF THE CELL."

WELL, THAT BRINGS ME NOW TO THE SUBJECT ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN CHINA.........THE TORTURING AND KILLING OF DOMESTICATED ANIMALS, ESPECIALLY CATS AND DOGS, FOR THEIR FUR.......I WATCHED IT ON LARRY KING LAST WEEK............IF YOU WANT TO HAVE NIGHTMARES FOREVER, TRY TO GET FOOTAGE OF THAT SHOW...........HEATHER MC CARTNEY,(WIFE OF PAUL MC CARTNEY), WAS THERE....(PETA).......I LIKE HER SO MUCH, BECAUSE SHE IS A PURE ACTIVIST, AND NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK UP.....SHE SAYS SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE YOUR LEG CUT OFF. AND NOW CHINA DOES THIS TO BEAUTIFUL DOGSS.......GERMAN SHEPARDS AND GOLDEN RETREIVERS , TO NAME A FEW.......WE SAW TAPES ON THE SHOW OF THIS....AND CATS WHO HAD A ROPE PUT AROUND THEIR NECK, AND KILLED INSTANTANEOUSLY.....AND THEY SAID, HUMAN BEINGS CAN TORTURE ANIMALS THIS WAY, THEN THE NEXT STEP FOR THEM IS TORTURING AND KILLING HUMAN BEINGS.............IF HUMAN BEINGS ARE SO HEARTLESS, TO DEFENSELESS DOMESTICATED ANIMALS...THIS CAN BE DANGEROUS TO THE HUMAN SOCIETY................ON THE SHOW ALSO WAS ALEC GUINNESS , AND SEVERAL GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO ARE CURRENTLY FIGHTING THIS........

WHAT CAN WE DO AS CITIZENS?..........THEY STRESSED SEVERAL TIMES, "DO NOT, BY ANY MEANS, BUY ANY PRODUCT, SUCH AS LINED GLOVES, OR TOYS WITH FUR. '

ALTHOUGH IN AMERICA, IT IS THE LAW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, TO HAVE MERCHANDISE LABELED WITH THE TYPE OF FUR, SUCH AS RABBIT FUR, THEY THINK CAT AND DOG FUR IS SLIPPING THROUGH TO AMERICA...........

HOW CAN ANYONE KNOWINGLY BUY FUR IN WHICH THE ANIMAL WAS TORTURED...

THEY SHOWED CAGES OF CATS, WITH SAY 20 CATS......THE MEN THREW THE CAGES FROM THE TRUCK ONTO THE GROUND BELOW....SEVERAL FEET.........SHOCKING THE CATS..............THEN, THEY TOOK ALL CATS OUT, AND LEFT 2 REMAINING.....THE 2 CATS CLUNG TO EACH OTHER, AND YOU COULD SEE ON THEIR FACES THEY KNEW THEY WERE NEXT................

I LOVE ANIMALS........ALL ANIMALS.......

OUR DOG AND 2 CATS LIVE HERE AS MEMBERS OF OUR FAMILY...........THEY WALK AROUND THE HOUSE, SLEEP ON OUR BED, OR WHEREVER THEY WANT...........THEY EAT GOOD FOOD...............WHEN I FIRST MET JIMMY, I REMEMBER HIM SAYING, "OUR ANIMALS WILL NOT EAT ANYTHING THAT IS NOT WHAT WE WOULD EAT."

AND SO, FOR THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, I WILL LOOK UP "PETA, " AND BECOME A MEMBER OF IT..(i belonged to it a few years ago)...................

THERE IS SO MUCH SADNESS IN THE WORLD AROUND US.........THERE IS SO MUCH FOR US, THE CITIZENS OF THE WORLD TO ACCOMPLISH............IT IS A HARD TASK, BUT IT STARTS WITH ONE................FRAN

PS...THEY ALSO MENTIONED ON THE SHOW, THAT IN SMALL VILLAGES IN CHINA, DOG AND CAT MEAT ARE USED IN COOKING...NOT CAT MEAT TOO OFTEN , BECAUSE IT IS NOT AS TASTY AS DOG. ALSO, THOSE ANIMALS KILLED FOR FOOD, ARE SEPERATE FROM THOSE KILLED FOR THEIR FUR...........NOW, THAT SHOULD GIVE YOU SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT..........AS MUCH AS I LOVE CHINESE FOOD, MAYBE I'LL THINK ABOUT ALL OF THIS NEXT TIME, AND SKIP IT.......I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS, BUT IT IS GOING ON IN OUR WORLD, TODAY............

Sunday, December 11, 2005

HI EVERYONE!

JIMMY JUST CALLED, AND HE IS DOING GOOD........HE IS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT ME AND THE ANIMALS.......HE ASKED ME WHAT I ATE, AND I HAD TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH....I MADE SOMETHING HE LOVES AND MAKES OFTEN.....ELBOW MACARONI WITH BEEF FRIED IN ONIONS...I GUESS IT IS SORT OF AN ITALIAN THING!...I HAVE NEVER MADE IT IN THE 3 YEARS HE HAS BEEN IN PRISON...SUDDENLY, TODAY I GOT THE URGE FOR IT..........THAT IS BECAUSE WE ARE ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH, AND JIMMY SAYS HE WAS THINKING ABOUT IT EARLIER......

JIMMY CAN'T WAIT TILL HE SEES THE OFICIALS TOMORROW, WITH THE OUTCOME...THEY WILL LET HIM KNOW IF HE WAS GUILTY OF BREAKING THE RULES....HE SHOULD BE MEETING WITH THEM AROUND 8:30 AM, BUT HE CAN'T CALL ME TILL THE LATE AFTERNOON, WITH THE OUTCOME. THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL HIM JUST WHERE THEY WILL BE SENDING HIM NEXT.......

THE OWNER OF THE FOOD STORE WHERE JIMMY WAS WORKING (IGA...A LARGE FOOD STORE CHAIN), CALLED ME THE OTHER DAY, TO SEE IF I WAS OKAY. HER WORDS WERE, " EVEN THOUGH YOUR HUSBAND IS IN PRISON, I CAN ONLY TRUST AND DEPEND ON HIM FOR RUNNING THE STORE."

THE MANAGER EVEN TOLD ME THAT HE THREATENED TO QUIT, IF JIMMY WAS NOT BROUGHT BACK THER...

SO, I GUESS THAT IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MY HUSBAND.

RIGHT NOW, THE MANAGER AND OWNER ARE WORKING DOUBLY HARD...EVEN THIS IS UNFAIR TO THEM.........JIMMY'S JOB ENTAILED ORDERING SOMETHING LIKE HALF OF THE FOOD SUPPLIES IN THAT STORE........CANNED AND BOXED GOODS, DAIRY PRODUCTS, BREAD....TO MENTION A FEW.......ORDERING MUST BE DONE 3 TIMES/ WEEK.......THE SHELVES MUST BE STOCKED WITH SUPPLIES........................AND NOW, 3 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS, IGA IS LAEFT WITHOUT AN ASSISTANT MANAGER...........THIS IS UNFAIR, NOT ONLY TO MY HUSBAND, AND THE OWNER, AND MANAGER, BUT ALL PEOPLE WORKING THERE.............JIMMY WAS TELLING ME THERE ARE LOTS OF PREGNANT CASHIERS, FAMILY MEN AND WOMEN...WORKING IN STOCK ROOMS, DELI....THE LIST GOES ON AND ON..............GOD FORBID THAT THEY CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE STORE, MANY PEOPLE WOULD BE OUT OF JOBS AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, ON TOP OF IT ALL...........I THINK THE WHOLE SITUATION IS VERY UNFAIR..........

JIMMY JUST CALLED ME FROM CRAF...IT WAS 12:30 pm. HE'S DOING OK...HIS HAPPY, OPTIMISTIC SELF....WE BOTH SPOKE ABOUT HOW HAPPY WE ARE THAT IT WILL SOON BE CHRISTMAS...AND IT WILL BE OVER...THEN NEW YEAR'S, AND AFTER THAT, SPRING WILL NOT BE FAR BEHIND........IT'S STRANGE HOW WE THINK ABOUT TIME AND LIFE....IN SEGMENTS.

JIMMY'S ROOM MATE IS A CRAZY ONE!....HE TALKS CONSTANTLY. TO HIMSELF, TELLING STORIES........I SAID TO JIMMY, "HE MUST BE SCHIZOPHRENIC." JIMMY SAID, "HOW DID YOU GUESS?'........" I WORKED WITH THOSE TYPE OF PEOPLE IN NEW YORK CITY IN A HOSPITAL, FOR 16 YEARS , JIMMY!"............"AND I BET HE'S ON THORAZINE, TOO!"............"BABY, YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF!...YES, HE TOLD ME HE IS ON THAT," JIMMY LAUGHED.

"JUST GO ALONG WITH HIM, AND LET HIM TALK....YOU MAY EVEN WANT TO AGREE WITH HIM , WHEN HE SAYS THINGS LIKE 'the sky is made of marbles.'..............YES, THEY LIKE YOU TO AGREE WITH THEM, AND SEE THINGS FROM THEIR CRAZY PERSPECTIVE........"

JIMMY ATE FOR BREAKFAST, HARD , FROZEN WAFFLES. FOR LUNCH, HOT DOGS WITH ROLLS THAT WERE NOT ONLY FROZEN, BUT STALE.................."YOU KNOW I DON'T LET STUFF LIKE THAT GET TO ME. I JUST LAUGH AT THINGS."

"FRAN, I'VE BEEN LAYING HERE ALL DAY THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND THE PLACES WE WILL GO TO , ONCE I AM RELEASED............RESTAURANTS, SHOWS, SHOPPING......ETC. , ETC., ETC."

"I'LL BE GOING OUT TO FOOD SHOP, AND GET PET FOOD, TO STOCK UP ON THINGS, IN CASE OF A MAJOR SNOW STORM.......I HATE GOING OUT INTO THE CHEERFUL CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS."....I SAID.

"FRAN, THE MAJORITY OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE SHOPPING, AND TRYING TO FIND HAPPINESS, SOMEHOW."........IT IS DIFFERENT FOR US. WE FOUND OUR HAPPINESS IN EACH OTHER...WE ARE ALWAYS HAPPY BECAUSE WE ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER...WE ARE CONNECTED IN A WAY THAT MOST PEOPLE WISH THEY HAD...............EVAN BEING SEPERATED FOR 3 YEARS...IT REALLY DOESN'T AFFECT US.............WE DO NOT SEEK HAPPINESS IN A HOLIDAY, OR WHATEVER.......WE ALREADY HAVE HAPPINESS THROUGH OUR LOVE AND DEVOTION FOR EACH OTHER.".........JIMMY SAID.

HE ALSO SAID, "AND PLEASE DON'T CAUSE A RIOT IN PUBLIC WHEN YOU GET OUT THERE SHOPPING!"..........WHAT JIMMY MEANS, IS THAT PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ATTRACTED TO ME, AND START TALKING TO ME IN PUBLIC....THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE THERE THAT NEEDS MY HELP...EVEN LITTLE CHILDREN, RUN OVER TO ME, AND SOMETIMES HANG ON TO MY SHOPPING CART.....

Saturday, December 10, 2005

JIMMY JUST CALLED A LITTLE WHILE AGO...HE SOUNDED VERY GOOD...JOKING AND LAUGHING, AS USUAL,,,HE CORRECTED ME. THE CELL IS 8 ft. x 9 ft......HE IS DOING PUSH-UPS, (PRETENDING I'M THERE UNDERNEATH HIM....LOL), AND ANKLE PUMPS :)

HE WILL SEE THE "DOC" (dept. of corrections), ON MONDAY, AND HOPEFULLY THEY WILL DECIDE WHERE TO SEND HIM. HE GOT MY 4 PAGE LETTER, I WROTE ON THE COMPUTER, AND AROUND 10 PIX I SENT HIM. HE ALSO COULDN'T BELIEVE IT....HE GOT A CHRISTMAS CARD FROM MY AUNT (I HAD E-MAILED HER HIS ADDRESS), and ALSO, A LETTER FROM A FRIEND....

PLEASE READ "SUGAR's" COMMENT IN THE LAST ENTRY....SHE SAYS IT ALL...BETTER THAN ME. AND SHE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS INHUMANE TREATMENT OF MEN IN PRISON LEADS TO........GOOD THING, JIMMY IS A VERY STRONG MAN, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY, SO HE CAN GET THROUGH THESE THINGS..........BUT WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF AMERICA?

LAST NIGHT, WHEN JIMMY MADE HIS 15 MINUTE COLLECT CALL TO ME, I ASKED HIM HOW BIG WAS THE CELL HE WAS IN............MAYBE I MADE A MISTAKE TO ASK THAT, BECAUSE SINCE THAT TIME, I HAVE ONLY BEEN WORRYING, AND SICK TO MY STOMACH.......

YES, THE CELL HE HAS BEEN IN SINCE LAST SUNDAY (I SUPPOSE), IS 8 FEET BY 10 FEET...............AND THERE IS ANOTHER MAN IN THERE WITH HIM.......I GUESS THEY ARE BUNK BEDS, AND THE MAN IS OVER HIM, ALONG WITH A TOILET BY THEIR SIDE................OH GOD!...........I WANT TO THROW UP, AT JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT!

JIMMY IS IN THAT CELL FOR 24 HOURS A DAY...HE WAS ORIGINALLY LET OUT FOR 1 HOUR, TO TAKE A SHOWER, AND MAKE A PHONE CALL. LAST NIGHT HE TOLD ME, IT WAS UPPED TO 2 TIMES A DAY FOR HIM, NOW..........HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HE IS STILL ON THE SAME "TIER."

NO WINDOWS, NO RADIOS.....NOTHING........JUST TO LAY THERE, ENDLESSLY, IN YOUR BUNK BED.........

3 MEALS........NO SNACKS..........

HE CAN GET MAIL.............HE GOT 2 LETTERS, AND CARDS FROM ME , SO FAR.......I SENT HIM SEVERAL PIX OF ME, THE PETS, AND THE HOUSE

HE CAN WRITE LETTERS.........I GOT A LONG LETTER FROM HIM, SO FAR, AND THERE SHOULD BE ANOTHER ONE IN THE MAILBOX TODAY.

TRUTHFULLY, I THINK IT IS INHUMANE, AND PHYSICALLY DANGEROUS TO LOCK UP A PERSON IN SUCH A SMALL AREA, UNABLE TO WALK, FOR SO MANY DAYS...........BUT , I GUESS , WHO AM I TO SAY?.............ONCE AGAIN, THE FAMILY IS NO ONE.............THE TAX-PAYING PEOPLE.....WE....US...HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, THROUGH LEGISLATURE..........

MY HUSBAND IS A 300 LB. MAN............I CAN'T IMAGINE HIM STAYING IN SUCH A SMALL "BOX, ' FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME...............

IT IS VERY DANGEROUS....DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT"

AS A REGISTERED NURSE, I WILL TELL YOU, THAT TO REMAIN DORMANT IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS.................EVEN WHEN ONE IS CONFINED IN A SEAT, ON A 4 OR 6 HOUR PLANE FLIGHT, THEY WILL TELL YOU TO "GET UP AND WALK AROUND."...I KNEW A NURSE, I WORKED WITH, WHO DEVLOPED CLOTS FROM A LONG CAR TRIP......

IT IS DANGEROUS TO REMAIN STILL FOR SO LONG.....YOU CAN DEVELOPE BLOOD CLOTS IN YOUR LEGS...........THEN, WITH THOSE CLOTS, THEY CAN TRAVEL TO THE LUNGS...OR BRAIN.....AND THEN A PERSON CAN HAVE IMMEDIATE DEATH DUE TO A 'PULMONARY EMBOLISM."

I HATE TO BE SO GRAPHIC, BUT SOMEONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR RUNNING OUR PENAL SYSTEM, JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.......

I AM WAITING FOR JIMMY'S FIRST CALL TO COME IN TODAY.........IT HAS NOT COME YET. I MUST REINFORCE WITH HIM TO KEEP MOVING AROUND AS MUCH AS HE CAN IN THAT CELL..........TO KEEP SITTING UP AND DOWN...........AND TO DO ANKLE PUMPS............VERY IMPORTANT......TO KEEP THE CIRCULATION FLOWING......

I FEEL VERY CLAUSTRPHOBIC MYSELF, THINKING ABOUT IT.........

AND NOT ONLY IS IT PHYSICALLY DANGEROUS, BUT MENTALLY AS WELL............TO ME, I WOULD CALL IT "TORTURE," BUT WHO AM I TO SAY?

I THINK IT IS "INHUMANE" ..............I CAN SEE, MAYBE, IF THE PERSON IS A MASS-MURDERER, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.......EVEN THEN......I'M NOT SURE........

I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT EVERYOINE WHO WORKS IN THE PRISON SYSTEM, SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE SAME PROCESS , IN THEIR TRAINING , AS THE INMATES GO THROUGH.................THAT IS, TAKE THOSE BIG MEN, THAT WORK WITHIN THE PRISON SYSTEM, AND LOCK THEM IN AN 8X10 CELL FOR A WEEK.....LET EVERYONE EXPERIENCE IT, AND SEE HOW IT IS............MAYBE , THEN, THEY WILL GET TO UNDERSTAND THE INMATES BETTER............

TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF CATTLE, IN A CATTLE CAR......AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY SOCIETY HAS DRIVEN A LOT OF OUR PEOPLE INSANE..........

AND SO, I SIT HERE VERY WORRIED...........AS ANY WIFE WOULD............

JIMMY CRIED A LITTLE LAST NITE, DURING THOSE 15 MINUTES WE SPOKE....HE CRIED AFTER I GAVE HIM A MESSAGE FROM A VERY SPECIAL PERSON, WHO SAID, 'JIMMY IS A WONDERFUL PERSON, AND ALTHOUGH A CRIMINAL, HE IS THE ONE PERSON I CAN REALLY TRUST, AND DEPEND ON."

YES, I GUESS IT TOUCHED MY HUSBAND'S HEART.......AFTER ALL, HERE IS A MAN, LAYING IN AN 8X10 FT. CELL, FOR 7 DAYS, .....24 HOURS A DAY.......MINUTE BY MINUTE,STARRING AT THE WALL...NOTHING TO DIVERT HIS MIND.................I THOUGHT PRISON WAS REFORMATION......

I SIT HERE, THINKING ABOUT IT, AND FEEL VERY SICK.......HE IS IN THIS SMALL PLACE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, USING A TOILET IN FRONT , AND ON TOP OF EACH OTHER..........AND, THEY HAVE TO CLEAN THE TOILET, THEMSELVES, TOO........I ASKED HIM, 'WHAT IF YOU HAVE DYSENTRY AND HAVE AN ACCIDENT?"......."YES, FRAN, WE HAVE TO CLEAN THAT UP OURSELVES. THERE IS NO ROOM SERVICE HERE," HE JOKED......................YUKKKKKKKKKKKK.................GIVE ME A BREAK..............LET ME THROW UP RIGHT HERE, AND NOW, AS I'M WRITING THIS...........EXCUSE ME, ONE MOMENT, PLEASE, AS I'M WREACHING BY THE COMPUTER, RIGHT NOW........

AND, I'M A NURSE, FOLKS!

SEVERAL MONTHS AGO...OR WAS IT SEVERAL YEARS AGO....I DID FIND AN ARTICLE ON GOOGLE, ABOUT A FAMILY MEMBER COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS SAME E EXACT THING..........THEY ALSO FELT IT WAS NOT ONLY INHUMANE, BUT PHYSICALLY, AS WELL AS MENTALLY DANGEROUS TO DO THIS TO A CRIMINAL...............AND MY MAN WAS ON HIS WAY HOME...........I MEAN, HE WAS APPROVED AND COMING HOME ON FURLOUGHS...........MY HUSBAND IS NOT A DRUG ADDICT.......HE IS NOT A THREAT TO SOCIETY, AND NOT AN ABUSIVE MAN.........HE IS A FAMILY TYPE MAN..........

THE PERFECT SONG JUST PLAYED ON THE RADIO.......

"WHERE ARE YOU CHRISTMAS?

WHY HAVE YOU GONE AWAY...?

DO YOU REMEMBER THE ONE YOU USED TO KNOW?

WHY CAN I NO LONGER HEAR THE CHRISTMAS SONGS?....."

"......IF THERE IS LOVE IN YOUR HEART AND MIND,

YOU WILL FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME....."

"...SO, FILL YOUR HEART WITH LOVE...."

(i couldn't get all the words_

................................THINKING OF YOU ALL, ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH A LOVED ONE IN PRISON..........ESPECIALLY THE CHILDREN OF PRISONERS, WHO ARE WITHOUT THEIR LOVED ONE, JUST ONE MORE YEAR..........WITH LOVE, FRAN

Friday, December 9, 2005

WELL, I JUST MADE THE DIET JELLO...STRAWBERRY-BANANA, FOR MYSELF, THAT I WAS GOING TO MAKE FOR JIMMY...MY HUSBAND JUST LOVES JELLO....WITH LOTS OF WHIPPED CREAM ON IT!.

JIMMY WAS SUPPOSED TO COME HOME TOMORROW FOR A 3 DAY FURLOUGH...BUT NOW HE IS NOT....

I GUESS EVERYONE IS ENJOYING THEMSELVES, WITH HOLIDAY PARTIES, ETC...........THE TV AND RADIO ARE REALLY TALKING ABOUT IT SO MUCH THIS YEAR.....TONIGHT THEY SAY, ARE LOTS OF CHRISTMAS PARTIES IN THE WORK-PLACE........MY FRIEND KEEPS CALLING ME AND TELLING ME ABOUT THE 3 CHRISTMAS PARTIES HE WILL BE GOING TO THIS YEAR.............HOW TONITE, FRIDAY NIGHT IS HIS WORK PLACE PARTY..........SO I JUST SIT TIGHT , AND LISTEN..........

YESTERDAY, MY SISTER E-MAILED ME THAT SHE WENT TO A CHRISTMAS PARTY FOR THE CLUB SHE BELONGS TO......SHE STILL IS OUT THERE LOOKING FOR "A MAN.".......I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY SHE HAS SUCH A PROBLEM FINDING ONE...AFTER ALL, SHE'S BEEN 'MISS POPULARITY' HER WHOLE LIFE, AND I'VE BEEN THE "SHY QUIET ONE."....SHE HAS EVEN JOINED A DATING SERVICE ON-LINE, AND HAS SPOKEN TO HUNDREDS, AND STILL CAN'T FIND ANYONE...........IT'S FUNNY , BECAUSE I FOUND JIMMY, THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN, RIGHT HERE, ON-LINE...........MY SISTER WAS MARRIED TO A 'MEDICAL DOCTOR' ........AND "SHE WAS THE ONE WHO DIVORCED HIM," BECAUSE SHE GOT TIRED OF HIM........CAN YOU IMAGINE, DIVORCING A DOCTOR....THAT IS A SURE SIGN OF CRAZINESS....AND RICHARD IS SUCH A WONDERFUL , GREAT MAN WHOM WE'VE KNOWN FOR OVER 50 YEARS............AND SO, NOW SHE GOES ALL AROUNFD TOWN , LOOKING FOR MEN............HEY ANYONE OUT THERE, WANT TO MEET MY SISTER".......she's 61, doesn't look her age, BLONDE HAIR, BLUE EYES...........5'2''...NORMAL WEIGHT, AND WAS AN RN, BUT RETIRED NOW.............HOWEVER, YOU MUST "BE PERFECT, " SO THEREFORE I DON'T THINK YOU EXIST....SHE WILL ONLY MEET A 'MR. PERFECT,"...AND THEN , QUESS WHAT...SHE WILL DITCH YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT PERFECT ENOUGH..........

AND SO, RIGHT NOW, MY BIGGEST PRONLEM IS, HOW TO CHANGE THE CEILING LIGHT BULB IN THE BATHROOM, THAT BURNT OUT LAST FRIDAY. JIMMY HAD TOLD ME TO WAIT...HE WILL CHANGE IT WHEN HE COMES HOME...BUT NOW HE'S NOT COMING HOME, JUST YET...I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN WAIT A FEW MONTHS....GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN THE DARK ...............SO TODAY, I STOOD ON A CHAIR, BUT STILL COUDN'T REACH IT..........YOU SEE, I'M JUST 4'10'' TALL..............SO MAYBE I'LL GO OUT AND BUY A LADDER TOMORROW.....JIMMY TELLS ME, "CALL THE MAINTENANCE MAN. FRAN, WE PAY A HIGH RENT, AND THEY ARE SUPPOSSED TO HELP YOU."

I SAY, 'NO, I DON'T WANT ANY MAN IN THIS HOUSE....NOT EVEN THE MAINTENANCE MAN.".............THOSE MAINTENANCE PEOPLE MAKE ME NERVOUS AND PARANOID.......AND SO, I'LL SIT HERE IN SILENCE, AND SUFFER :) WHILE ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE A JOLLY TIME AT YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTIES! AS FOR ME, I CAN'T EVEN TAKE A "S---" IN PEACE, AND NEITHER CAN JIMMY RIGHT NOW.............

.........AND SO, I HAVE THE CHRISTMAS MISIC PLAYING. I MAY WRITE SOME CHRISTMAS CARDS OUT TONITE, AND SIT AND SIP A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE...........IT'S FUNNY, PRINCE IS THE MOST PECULIAR DOG........HE HAS THE MOST UNUSUAL APPETITE, AND I HAVE TO USUALLY BEG HIM TO EAT. HOWEVER, WHEN ANY CHOCOLATE STUFF COMES OUT, HE'S LIKE ALL AROUND ME...HE SITS IN FRONT OF ME, GLARING UP, MOUTH WATERING...JUST GLOTTING OVER THAT CHOCOLATE. AND HE KNOWS HE CAN'T HAVE IT...THAT CHOCOLATE IS TOXIC TO DOGS............SO , HE SETTLES FOR A BONE.

I CONTINUE ON WITH "FRAN'S 24 DAYS TILL XMAS, IN DOING GOOD DEEDS FOR OTHERS"........YOU SEE, FOR ME, IT IS A CHALLENGE, BECAUSE I AM A RECLUSE, WHO IS BLIND AND DISABLED..(gee, i reaaly make myself sound so terrible. well, i still have plenty of good working parts, and my husband will vouch for that!)........SO, FOR ME TO THINK THINGS UP, THAT I CAN DO FOR OTHERS IS A CHALLENGE, AND A LESSON FOR ME, AND I HOPE FOR OTHERS, WHO ARE HOME-BOUND..........

DECEMBER 9, 2005....FRIDAY.........TODAY, I SENT A CHRISTMAS CARD TO "BOY'S TOWN,' WITH AN UPLIFTING MESSAGE, AND DONATION...............I LOVE "BOYS TOWN"

WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT........JIMMY'S CASE IS UNDER INVESTIGATION NOW, UNTIL HE MEETS WITH THEM ON MONDAY, THEN HE'LL HAVE MORE NEWS.

JIMMY WAS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED. THE REASON? BECAUSE HE MET SOME GUYS AT CRAF, WHO TOLD HIM THAT KINTOCK CALLED THEIR WIVES RIGHT AWAY TO TELL THEM THAT THEIR HUSBAND WAS LOCKED UP. A FOR ME, IT TOOK 2 DAYS, UNTIL I HAD TO START MAKING PHONE CALLS MYSELF, TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED.....JIMMY HAD ASKED THOSE AT KINTOCK TO LET ME KNOW. ..........AND SO ONCE AGAIN, WE GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE...."WHAT'S GOOD FOR ONE, IS GOOD FOR ALL."........AND SO, EVEN THAT, IS UNDER INVESTIGATION...

JIMMY JUST CALLED. HE SOUNDS GREAT!...LIKE HIS NORMAL USUAL SELF.....THE BOARD DID NOT SEE HIM TODAY, BECAUSE OF THE BIG SNOWSTORM. (however, there was no snow here, where i live). THEY WILL PROBABLY SEE HIM ON MONDAY, AND WILL TELL HIM WHERE HE WILL BE SENT.

AS FOR NOW, HE IS STILL LOCKED UP IN THE LITTLE CELL,24 hours / day...... HE HAS SOME TERRIBLE CHILDREN'S BOOK TO READ, AND THEY JUST NOW GAVE HIM A PUZZLE BOOK, SO HE WAS HAPPY ABOUT THAT!

hHE NOW HAS A ROOM MATE, WITH HIM IN THE LITTLE CELL. HE SAYS HE WILL ONLY GO TO THE BATHROOM AT NIGHT, AS IT IS EMBARRASING TO GO BEFORE YOUR ROOMATE, WHO IS SITTING ALMOST ON TOP OF YOU..........

I SAID, IN SHOCK, "WHAT! YOU DON'T HAVE A PRIVATE TOILET!" THAT WOULD CERTAINLY BE THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF PRISON FOR ME....THAT THE TOILET IS RIGHT IN YOUR SMALL CELL...HOW DISGUSTING!

AND SO LIFE GOES ON....I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH..........

SOME OF THE PRISON GUARDS THAT ARE IN CRAF, REMEMBER JIMMY FROM MANY YEARS AGO, WHEN HE WAS IN "JONES FARM," WHICH IS CONNECTED WITH CRAF...............HE WAS IN PRISON AT THAT TIME, AND HAD BEEN GIVEN A WONDERFUL JOB, PLACING INMATES IN JOBS..........HE WAS THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR PLACING HUNDREDS OF INMATES IN JOBS WITHIN THE PRISON.....ACCORDING TO WHAT THEY WERE SUITED TO DOING........

ALSO, THEY ARE ALL SURPRISED THAT HE GOT MARRIED!...JIMMY TOLD THEM WE MET EACH OTHER, AND THAT I AGREED TO MARRY HIM, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE WA GOING AWAY TO PRISON....................SUCH IS LOVE!.............

Thursday, December 8, 2005

HI EVERYBODY! JIMMY JUST CALLED, A LITTLE WHILE AGO!......HE SOUNDED GREAT!...HAPPY AS HE ALWAYS IS!...TRUTHFULLY, HE DIDN'T SOUND LIKE A MAN LOCKED UP ALL DAY.....YES. JIMMY IS LOCKED ALONE IN A VERY SMALL CELL, 24 HOURS/DAY.....HE IS ONLY LET OUT TO SHOWER AND SHAVE......THE CELL IS SMALLER THAN A SMALL BATHROOM....NO TV, NO RADIO, AND NO ROOM MATE......AND THE WORST IS NO READING MATERIAL... I THINK HE HAS 1 SMALL BOOK TO READ..........HE SAYS HE MAINLY LAYS THERE ALL DAY AND NIGHT, AND THINKS OF ME, AND TALKS TO ME..............HE ALSO DOES SOME CRYING...."YES, EVEN BIG , STRONG MEN CRY!"...........

"FRAN, I DON'T CARE ABOUT MYSELF, BUT I WORRY ABOUT YOU." "AND THE DAY I GOT LOCKED UP, I CRIED , BECAUSE IT WAS SNOWING, AND I KNOW HOW YOU HATE THE COLD AND SNOW, AND HOW I PROMISED YOU TO COME HOME THIS WINTER, ON FURLOUGHS, AND HELP YOU OUT."

AND THEN, HE MADE ME LAUGH...."I HAD JUST GOTTEN INTO THE SHOWER TONITE, ALL LATHERED UP, AND THEY CALLED US BACK TO OUR CELLS, BECAUSE 2 MEN WERE FIGHTING IN ANOTHER BUILDING. NOW, I AM A BIG MAN, AND IMAGINE ME PUTTING ON THE JUMPSUIT, ALL WET AND LATHERED UP, IN A HURRY. SO, I GOT BACK, AND THEN IT WAS ALL CLEAR, AND I WENT BACK TO SHOWER AGAIN." ..........MY POOR JIMMY!

JIMMY IS WEARING A GREY JUMP-SUIT, AND GETS 3 MEALS/DAY, WHICH HE SAYS IS SATISFYING. NO SNACKS ALLOWED...NO LEAVING THE CELL.....

TODAY HE SAW THE "PANEL,' OR "BOARD," WHO REVIEWED HIS CASE. HE WILL SEE THEM TOMORROW, AGAIN, AND THEY WILL DETERMINE WHAT THE OUTCOME IS, AND WHERE HE WILL GO FROM THERE.........AT THIS TIME, I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT IT, BUT I WILL LET YOU IN ON THE STORY, LATER ON.........

AND SO, LIFE GOES ON..........THE PRISONER'S WIFE IN THESE SITUATIONS HA MANY THINGS TO DO...........AMONGST THEM, I CALLED TO SUSPEND HIS "WALL STREET JOURNAL," HAD TO GET HIS FRIEND TO PICK UP HIS CLOTHES , ETC., FROM KINTOCK...............AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS, MY ATTORNEY CALLS ME, TO DISCUSS MY SOCIAL SECURITY CASE. WHICH THE COURT APPEARNCE IS IN 3 WEEKS...THE JUDGE IS INSISTING I APPEAR THERE.........THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND , I HAVE NO ONE TO TAKE ME, AND I CAN"T TAKE THE COLD.........AND SO, MUCH TO MY DISBELIEF, MY ATTORNEY WILL STOP HERE AND PICK ME UP!......WELL, JIMMY SAYS, "OF COURSE , FRAN, HE WILL BE MAKING AT LEAST $10,000 ON YOUR CASE...YOU HAVE A BIG SETTLEMENT COMING TO YOU, AS THE CASE GOES BACK 4 YEARS.".......WELL, GOD IS GREAT!.....EVEN IN THE MIDST OF TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING, GOOD PREVAILS FOR THE PURE OF HEART! (that is a saying my former man alsways told me!)

I ANSWERED THAT DESPITE ALL THIS TENSION, I HAVE BEEN CONTINUING WITH MY PROJECT....SO HERE GOES...I'LL LET YOU IN ON IT!

day 4.....sunday...I SENT A CHRISTMAS DONATION TO THE SALESION MISSIONS, WHICH I DONATE TO THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.

day 5....monday....I SENT A CHRISTMAS DONATION TO "GIRLS AND BOYS TOWN."............I LOVE THAT CHARITY, AS IT HELPS ALL THOSE YOUNG PEOPLE TO MOVE ON IN LIFE.

day 6....tuesday.....I SPONSERED A "DOG", THROUGH OUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER...THE DOG'S PIX WILL APPEAR IN NEXT WEEK'S PAPER, AND IS UP FOR ADOPTION....I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT THE DOG'S NAME IS....

day 7....wednesday.....I HAD A PILLSBURY ROLL OF DOUGH IN THE FRIDGE, I WAS GOING TO BAKE FOR JIMMY'S 3 DAY FURLOUGH THIS WEEKEND....SINCE NOW, HE IS NOT COMING HOME, I BAKED THE BREAD, AND THREW THE PIECED TO THE BIRDS, WHO NEED FOOD AS THW SNOW IS ON IT'S WAY, AGAIN...JIMMY WAS SO HAPPY I DID THIS!

day 8...thursday..........I PRAYED TODAY, FOR THOSE PEOPLE WORKING IN KINTOCK, TO BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM, NOW AND THROUGH THE YEAR........TO FIND PEACE AND JOY IN THEIR LIFE....AND TO THANK THEM FOR BEING SO NICE TO MY HUSBAND WHILE HE WAS THERE.........FOR TAKING CARE OF HIM IN "HIS HOME AWAY FROM HOME," FOR THE PAST 15 MONTHS. TO HAVE HELPED AND GUIDED JIMMY TO BECOME A BETTER CITIZAN, AND TO OBTAIN A GOOD JOB WHILE THERE.....THANK-YOU SO MUCH.....

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

YES, SUGAR, JIMMY TOLD ME EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED........ALL I WILL SAY HERE , IS THAT HE WAS FOUND WITH CELL PHONE, THAT IS NOT ALLOWED IN KINTOCK..........HOWEVER, HE NEEDS THAT PHONE FOR HIS WORK AS THE MANAGER OF IGA........YOU SEE, IGA IS IN A VERY 'ROUGH" AREA OF ATLANTIC CITY............HE HAS CALLED 911 MANY TIMES ON THAT PHONE, FOR PROBLEMS WITHIN THE STORE, OR PARKING LOT.............HE TOLD ME, THE NIGHT HIS PHONE WAS CONFISCATED BY KINTOCK, THAT ACTUAL NIGHT HE CALLED 911 FROM IGA FOR A PREGNANT CASHIER, WHO WAS ATTACKED BY A CUSTOMER, AND BEATEN UP.....SHE MAY EVEN LOSE THE BABY..........THERE ARE NO PHONES ON THE "SELLING FLOOR" THAT HE CAN USE.............THAT CELL PHONE, ON THAT PARTICULAR NIGHT, MAY HAVE ACTUALLY SAVED A YOUNG PREGNANT WOMENS LIFE......I DID NOT GET THE WHOLE STORY, BUT I THINK JIMMY TRIED TO PROTECT THAT WOMAN...HE WOLL TELL ME EVERYTHING LATER.........THAT IS HOW MY HUSBAND IS...HE IS A BIG STRONG MAN, AND HE WILL PROTECT ANYONE IN NEED, ESPECIALLY A WOMAN.......................IT IS ALL DOCUMENTED HOW MANY TIMES THAT JIMMY USED THAT CELL FOR EMERGENCIES AND CALLED 911. JIMMY TOLD ME ON SAT. NITE, THE PHONE ACTUALLY FELL DOWN, DURING THE ATTACK ON THIS WOMAN...THE PHONE WAS DAMAGED...NOW THAT I KNOW THE STORY, OR AT LEAST PART OF IT, I FEEL THE CELL PHONE WAS ACTUALLY A "BLESSED PHONE.".....IT SAVED A WOMAN'S LIFE, AND MAYBE OTHER LIVES.....................YES, CAN YOU IMAGINE, THE CELL PHONE THAT HAS SENT MY HUSBAND BACK TO PRISON, IS ACTUALLY A 'BLESSED PHONE!"....................JIMMY NEVER BOUGHT THAT CELL, BUT WAS GIVEN TO HIM BY THE STORE DISTRICT MANAGER, MR. P...TO BE USED IN THE STORE............BECAUSE THERE ARE NO PHONES ON THAT SELLING FLOOR, FOR EMERGENCIES........

AND SO, JIMMY WILL GO BEFORE THE BOARD TOMORROW...AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.....

THAT CELL PHONE WAS CONFISCATED BY KINTOCK........IT WAS A CELL PHONE THAT , I UNDERSTAND WAS AT THE TOP OF THE LINE, THAT HAD A VALUE OF $800....THAT CELL PHONE WAS AN EXPENSIVE ONE, WITH ALL THE LATEST FEATURES, AND I DON'T SEE WHY KINTOCK HAS TAKEN IT........AS I UNDERSTAND IT, KINTOCK WILL DONATE THE PHONE TO "THE ABUSED WOMEN'S CENTER.".....ACTUALLY, JIMMY AND I HAVE MADE A TRADITION EACH CHRISTMAS TO BUY TOLITRIES FOR THE "ABUSED WOMEN'S CENTER." WE USUALLY BUY AROUND $100.00 , AND DELIVER IT THERE....WE LOVE DOINGIT........WELL, NOW I THINK WE "TOPPED" OURSELVES OUT, WITH THE CELL PHONE!.......I HAD JIMMY LAUGHING ABOUT THAT TONIGHT!........

WELL, MAYBE I SHOUD JUST CALL THIS THE "MAGICAL, MIRACLE CELL PHONE," THAT HELPS PEOPLE!

JIMMY JUST CALLED ME , 1/2 AN HOUR AGO!..HIS PIN NUMBER WORKED, AND HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE 2 15 MINUTE COLLECT CALLS TO ME!....OF COURSE, EVEN THOSE 30 MINURES WASN'T LONG ENOUGH, SO WE HAD TO TALK FAST!

HE SOUNDED "GREAT,' AS USUAL....OPTIMISTIC AND HAPPINESS IN HIS VOICE..........HE COMFORTED ME THAT THINGS ARE MOVING ALONG, AND GAVE ME SOME INFO, THAT I WILL TELL YOU LATER ON , IN THE COMING DAYS....

HE IS LOCKED UP IN A CELL, 24 HOURS/DAY. HE GETS FOOD TO EAT, BUT IS NOT ALLOWED SNACKS........I SENT HIM A $20.00 MONEY ORDER TODAY, BUT HE SAYS HE DOESN'T NEED ANY MONEY THERE............

TOMORROW HE WILL GO BEFORE "THE BOARD," WHICH IS A "GOOD THING," BECAUSE THEY WILL REVIEW WHAT HE DID, AND SEE WHERE HE IS TO GO FROM THERE.........

I'M SO EXCITED!....AND JIMMY GIVES ME SUCH STRENGTH!

HE WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME YESTERDAY, AS IT WAS SNOWING, AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS CRYING FOR ME, BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW MY CIRCULATION IS SO POOR IN THE COLD AND SNOW............I TOLD HIM I WENT OUT TODAY,OUT OF NECESITY, TO GET HIM MONEY ORDERS, IN THE SNOW AND ICE, WITH NO BOOTS/NO SHOES....ONLY THICK SOAKS, AND CAST BOOTS ON...........I ASSURED HIM EVERYTHING HERE, AT HOME WAS OK...........

ROBIN WRITES A COMMENT IN THE LAST ENTRY, THAT HER HUSBAND , WHO IS IN THE MILITARY, HAS BEEN SUDDENLY TAKEN AWAY , UNEXPECTEDLY, ON A SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT, WILL NOT BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS....THIS A SUDDEN AND SHOCKING THING FOR HER, AT THIS MOMENT........SO, MAYBE THOSE READING THIS CAN SAY AN EXTRA PRAYER FOR HER, AT THIS TIME, AS SHE, TOO FEELS UNHAPPY, AND DISTRAUGHT......ROBIN, I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU RIGHT NOW...THE FIRST FEW HOURS/DAYS IS ALWAYS SHOCKING ...AFTERWARDS, WHEN YOU KEEP BUSY, THAT IS THE KEY, "TO KEEP OCCUPIED DOING THINGS, " THE PAIN GETS A LITTLE LESS.

AS FOR ME, I HAVE TO GO OUT NOW AND BUY MONEY ORDERS TO SEND JIMMY....I HAVE A FEW MORE LETTERS TO SEND HIM, ABOUT THE HOUSEHOLD HERE........

.THE MAN IN CHARGE OF THE PHONES AT "CRAF,' CALLED ME TWICE TODAY....SUCH A WONDERFUL, NICE MAN!...HE SAYS HE TURNED THE PHONE ON, BUT THE PAPERWORK HAS TO GO THROUGH....EITHER TODAY OR TOMORROW, JIMMY WILL BE ABLE TO CALL ME..........

THE OTHER NEWS WAS THAT I HAD A BLOCK ON THE PHONE, BECAUSE I OWED SOME MONEY........AS MOST OF YOU PRISON WIVES KNOW, YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH THIS.........SO, I HAD TO PAY $1100.00 to at&t OVER THE PHONE, BEFORE THEY WOULD REMOVE THE BLOCK....AND SO, ALL IS CLEAR, NOW...........HEHE..AND SANTA CLAUS THINKS I'M GOING TO LEAVE HIM COOKIES FOR CHRISTMAS?!...NO WAY. MAYBE A FEW BREAD CRUMBS!

jimmy's friend will have to make the 2 1/2 hOUR TRIP TO KINTOCK TO PICK UP HIS CLOTHES AND PERSONAL BELONGINGS, SUCH AS WRISTWATCH, AND PAPERS.........THE STUFF HAS TO BE PICKED UP IN 30 DAYS.........HE CAN'T GET THERE UNTIL THE WEEK BETWEEN CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S......NOW, THAT IS CUTTING IT REAL CLOSE....BUT I HAVE FAITH IN HIM..HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY.....HE IS BUSY, NOW, AS HE OWNS A FURNITURE STORE, AND IT IS RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS.............

I TYPED OUT A NICE LONG LETTER TO JIMMY....AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I HAD TO SAY TO HIM............AS MUCH AS I LOVE HIM, I AM NOT LIKE THE REST OF PRISONER'S WIVES WHO FORGIVE THEIR MAN, TIME AFTER TIME, WHEN THEY DO THE WRONG THING.........I GAVE JIMMY A PIECE OF MY MIND, AND BELIEVE ME, I THINK HE'LL THINK TWICE, BEFORE HE DOES ANYTHING WRONG AGAIN............I MEAN, TO ME IT IS "UNEXCEPTIBLE BEHAVIOR," ON HIS PART..........AND I'M JUST NOT GOING TO DO IT...NOT GOING TO BE A PART OF IT...........IF HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO WRONG THINGS, AND NOT GET OUT OF THE PRISON SYSTEM, I'M NOT GOING TO BE AROUND FOR IT.....WHY?.........BECAUSE, I'M SORRY, I'M NOT GOING TO TORTURE MYSELF ...AND THAT IS THAT.........I AM NOT 18 OR 2O YEARS OLD........I'M 52, AND EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE IS IMPORTANT............

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

WHILE IN CRAF, THE EVALUATION AND PLACEMENT CENTER, JIMMY CAN SEND LETTERS, AND I CAN WRITE TO HIM. SO, I JUST WROTE 3 LETTERS, ALONG WITH CARDS, AND WILL GO OUT TO MAIL THEM SOON.........HIS LETTERS TO ME ARE EITHER IN THE MAIL, OR WILL BE HERE SOON.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, BUT WILL NOT SAY SO HERE, AT THIS TIME..........

MY ADVICE TO YOU ALL IS, BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST, BECAUSE THERE IS A SNAKE LURKING IN EVERY BUSH.........

HOWEVER, ON A MORE PLEASANT NOTE, LET US NOT FORGET, "WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND."

I AM TEMPTED TO CONTACT A NEWS REPORTER, FROM CHANNEL 11, NEW YORK NEWS............HE HAS BEEN IN CONTACT WITH ME BEFORE, AND HE WRITES REPORTS ABOUT THE PRACTICES AT KINTOCK........HE IS INTERESTED IN HEARING JUST WHAT GOES ON THERE.............."WHAT IS GOOD FOR SOME, SHOULD BE THE RULE FOR ALL."............DON'T LET SOME SLIP THROUGH, WHILE YOU PERSECUTE THE REST................

I HAVE LEARNED THAT IT IS COMMOM PRACTICE AT KINTOCK, TO SEND A MAN BACK TO PRISON, WHEN HE IS ABOUT READY TO COME HOME ON PAROLE............SO, I GUESS IT IS TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.......MAYBE THAT NEWS REPORTER WANTS TO DO A LITTLE MORE INVESTIGATING.

.....................IN ANSWER TO SOME COMMENTS, YES, THE PRISONER HAS NO RIGHTS........BUT THE WIFE SHOULD.........IT SHOULD BE THE LAW THAT SHE IS OTIFIED IMMEDIATELY, WHEN HER HUSBAND LEAVES ONE FACILITY, AND GOES TO ANOTHER. I HAVE BEEN ON THE PHONE TODAY, SPEAKING WITH PEOPLE, AND THEY ARE SHOCKED THAT THIS IS THE WAY IT IS......

WE, THE TAX-PAYING CITIZENS, SHOULD BE AWARE OF THESE LAWS GOING ON............WE CAN CHANGE THE SYSTEM, IF WE REALLY CARED, BY WRITING LETTERS TO OUR OFFICIALS..............NO ONE TRIES TO DO IT, BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARED, AND THEY DON'T CARE.........THAT IS, UNTIL SOMEONE THEY LOVE IS IN PRISON, AND THEN IT IS TOO LATE.

LASTLY, THE PURPOSE OF A JOURNAL IS TO ACTUALLY WRITE IN IT ALL DAY LONG, AS THOUGHTS POP UP....MOST PEOPLE IN AOL J-LAND WRITE MAYBE ONE ENTRY A DAY, OR A FEW A WEEK................WELL, FOR ME THINGS HAVE CHANGED, AND I WILL KEEP WRITING MY THOUGHTS HERE.......MAYBE, I WILL BE HELPING OTHERS, AS I WRITE......I HOPE SO...........FRAN Re-Entry Blog: New Jersey Study on Returning Ex-Offenders

THANK YOU , BETTY, FOR SENDING ME THE INFO ABOUT CHUCK COLSON'S PRISON MINISTRY........I GOOGLED IT, AND CAME UP WITH LOTS OF COMFORTING INFO....YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING TO ME, TO SEND ME THIS, AND MAKE ME AWARE OF IT, IN A TIME OF NEED..........I HOPE OTHERS THAT READ THIS JOURNAL, WILL CHECK INTO IT.

READING ABOUT THIS, AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT IS VERY IMPORTANT...IT TAKES THE STRESS OFF THINGS FOR ME RIGHT NOW...........LATER, WHEN I FEEL UP TO IT, I MAY EVEN TAKE ON A PEN PAL.

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT MAIL IS FOR THE PRISONER..........I SENT JIMMY HUNDREDS OF LETTERS AND CARDS, WHILE HE WAS AT BAYSIDE PRISON.......AND HE SENT ME THE SAME..........ONCE, THE FELLOWS THAT WORKED IN THE MAIL ROOM, JOKED THAT I WAS GOING TO CLOSE THE MAIL ROOM, WITH THE EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF MAIL I WAS SENDING!

JUST LAST WEEK, I SAID TO JIMMY, "SHOULD I THROW AWAY ALL THE ENVELOPES YOUR LETTERS CAME IN.....I HAVE BOXES FULL, AND HAVE STARTED PUTTING HIS LETTERS INTO AN ALBUM.

JIMMY RESPONDED, "YES, FRAN , THROW THE ENVELOPES AWAY. DON'T BE LIKE ME, OBSESSIVE ABOUT YOU, AND WANTING TO KEEP EVERTHING ABOUT YOU"...............WELL, THE BOXES OF ENVELOPES ARE STILL HERE, AND I WILL KEEP THEM....BECAUSE I AM OBSESSIVE ABOUT HIM, TOO.

I'M PRETTY SURE HE CAN WRITE ME LETTERS FROM CRAF......AND I'M SURE HIS LETTERS ARE ALREADY ON THEIR WAY......

I JUST CALLED THE "INMATE LOCATOR." JIMMY IS AT "CRAF," A PLACE THEY GO FOR EVALUATION AND PLACEMENT......HE WILL STAY AT CRAF FOR 2-8 WEEKS, OF WHICH TIME, THERE IS NO VISITING. HE WILL GET HIS PIN NUMBER TO CALL ME IN 7 -10 BUSINESS DAYS.

STARTING OVER.........TO BEGIN AGAIN, AT THE START...TO GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE......IT IS ALL A GAME WITH THE SYSTEM.....THEY ENJOY PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S MINDS........IN REALITY, THERE IS NO PRISONER REFORMATION...BECAUSE THEY PLAY WITH THE PRISONER'S MIND, TOO..........IT IS AN ENJOYABLE GAME PLAYED BY THOSE WHO WORK WITHIN THE SYSTEM......

HEY.......YOU ARE NOT WORKING WITH ANIMALS.........NOT ALL, AT LEAST..........WE ARE REAL PEOPLE, WITH REAL LIVES.......AND REAL EMOTIONS......

I ONCE WAS ASKED BY A CO-WORKER IF I'D LIKE TO GO WORK AS AN R.N. IN A NEAR-BY PRISON, IN LAS VEGAS....SHE WAS THINKING OF GOING TO WORK THERE........"EASY JOB, EASY PAY," SHE SAID TO ME. "NO." I REPLIED, "NEVER." NOT IF IT WAS THE LAST JOB ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH."..............I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT CONVERSTAION. WELL, I NOW KNOW I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. PRISONS, AND PLACES LIKE THAT, ARE JUST NOT THR RIGHT ENVIRONMENT FOR ME. I DON'T BELIEVE IN A LOT OF THEIR PHILOSOPHIES.........

EVERYDAY YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPER THAT SOME CONVICT HAS ESCAPED..........NOW I CAN ALMOST UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DO IT.............THEY ARE CAUGHT IN A WEB OF THE PENAL SYSTEM, AND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO MOVE FORWARD.

DID YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, ABOUT THE MAN WHO ESCAPED FROM KINTOCK, BY CRAWKING THROUGH THE CLOSET CEILING. HE WOUND UP IN A CRAWL SPACE, AND CRAWELED ALONG, UNTIL HE CAME TO AN EXIT, WHICH WAS UNLOCKED...THE STAFF THEMSELVES, INADVERTADLY LET HIM OUT. MOST PEOPLE READ IT IN NEWSPAPERS. YOU CAN READ IT HERE, IF YOU "GOGGLE" KINTOCK................

I GOT IT FIRST-HAND. YOU SEE, THAT MAN WAS MY HUSBAND'S BUNKIE (ROOM MATE), AND JIMMY TOLD ME THE "REAL STORY," AND NOT JUST WHAT YOU ALL READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS.

ON MARCH 28, 2003, MY HUSBAND TURNED HIMSELF IN TO JAIL, FOR THE SENTENCE HE HAD TO SERVE...HE THOUGHT HE WOULD COME BACK HOME ON HOUSE ARREST, DUE TO HIS AGE AND OTHER FACTORS, AFTER 5 MONTHS.........HE WAS NOT GRANTED THAT, AND HAS SINCE BEEN IN PRISON FOR 33 MONTHS.

THE NIGHT BEFORE HIS INCARCERATION, I SAID TO JIMMY, "LET'S RUN AWAY. LET'S LEAVE."........WE HAD THE MONEY, THE MEANS , AND THE KNOW HOW, HOW TO GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

JIMMY LOOKED AT ME STRONGLY IN MY EYES...HE SAID, "IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, FRAN?"................."TO BE ON THE RUN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. WE WOULD NEVER, EVER AGAIN BE ABLE TO COME BACK TO AMERICA."

AND SO, EVERYONE, I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE THE DECISON THAT NIGHT..........IT ALL RESTED ON MY SHOULDERS............I'M NOT SURE RIGHT NOW, IF I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

JIMMY LOVED ME SO MUCH, HE WOULD HAVE RAN AWAY WITH ME, IF I JUST SAID SO.

INSTEAD, WE MADE A BILATERAL DECISION NOT TO GO, BUT TO STAY, AND SERVE HIS PRISON TERM....TO DO THE "RIGHT THING," AS MOST PEOPLE WOULD SAY.....TO CLEAR HIS NAME.........TO LIVE A LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO "LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER AT ALL TIMES."........TO NEVER KNOW IF YOU WOULD GET CAUGHT, AND BE DRAGGED BACK TO PRISON.............AND START THE PROCESS ALL OVER AGAIN.......

JIMMY SAID TO ME, "FRAN, I LOVE MY COUNTRY. I COULD NOT STAND BEING AWAY FROM AMERICA FOREVER."........I JUST LOOKED AT HIM.

YOU SEE, MY HUSBAND ATTENDED ONE OF THE BEST LAW SCHOOLS IN OUR COUNTRY...IN NEW YORK CITY.........HE WAS AT ONE TIME A VERY PROMINANT ATTORNEY...A REAL ESTATE ATTORNEY, WHO WORKED FOR A LARGE FIRM IN NEW YORK, AND ALSO HAD HIS OWN PRACTICE.

JIMMY DOESN'T LIKE ME TO TALK ABOUT IT MUCH. BUT I'M PROUD OF HIM, AND WHAT HE ACCOMPLISHED IN LIFE......HE IS A VERY BRILLIANT MAN, AND NO ONE, NOT EVEN PRISON, CAN EVER, EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HIM.........

IT WOULD NOT TAKE YOU LONG TO TALK TO JIMMY AND KNOW HE IS WELL VERSED IN THE LAW.

A FEW DAYS AFTER I MET HIM, ON THE PHONE, I SAID TO HIM, "JIMMY, YOU WERE AN ATTORNEY, WEREN'T YOU?".....I COULD JUST TELL BY THE WAY HE WAS SPEAKING TO ME.....................JIMMY DOES NOT LIKE TO TELL OTHERS, AND HE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.............WELL, WHAT I TOLD HIM WAS THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO STRIKE UP A RELATIONSHIP WITH A LAWYER...HE LAUGHED AT ME.........I TOLD HIM I JUST DON'T LIKE LAW, POLITICS, ETC.......IT IS A BORING SUBJECT FOR ME.....BUT HOW COULD I NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS WONDERFUL MAN!.

BUT JIMMY JUST LOVES IT (LAW), AND CAN'T GET IT OUT OF HIS BLOOD............HE IS A STAUNCH DEMOCRATE, AND HIS BELIEF SYSTEM IS "FOR THE PEOPLE.".....MY HUSBAND HAS HELPED MANY PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE.

WELL, I SLEPT A LITTLE LAST NIGHT, WITH THE 3 ANIMALS SURROUNDING ME.......THEY ARE REALLY ALL I HAVE, TO CARRY ON.

I WOKE UP TO SNOW....LOTS OF IT, COVERING THE LAWN AND CARS.........SO NOW, THAT MEANS I CAN'T EVEN GET OUTSIDE TO THE MAILBOX TODAY, TO SEE IF JIMMY WROTE.........I CANNOT WEAR SHOES/BOOTS, SO I GUESS I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUTSIDE UNTIL THE SPRING..................LAST YEAR THERE WAS A NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR WHO WOULD HELP ME OUT OCCASIONALLY..............THEY WOULD BRING ME HOME-COOKED TOMATO SAUSE, AND PASTA...AND BONES FOR PRINCE........MARSHA ALWAYS WANTED THE "UPDATE"ON JIMMY. SUDDEN;Y, LAST SPRING, THEY WERE GONE........PHONE DISCONNECTED...THEY MOVED, NEVER TELLING ME............WELL, I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN'T LIKE BEING A NEIGHBOR TO CRIMINALS, AFTER-ALL.

AND SO, TODAY I WILL CONTINUE TO SIT HERE IN SILENCE, AND JUST "THINK." "THINK ABOUT WHAT, I'M JUST NOT SURE....NOTHING REALLY MEANS ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE...CAN'T HELP THE FEELING.............SO SORRY TO BE A SCROOGE AT THIS TIME OF YEAR..........IN ONE OF MY LAST CONVERSTAIONS TO JIMMY, ON SATURDAY, I TOLD HIM I WAS GETTING INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT, AND HAD BOUGHT 6 BOXES OF CHRISTMAS CARDS..........THEY ALL LOOKED SO PRETTY, AND HOLIDAYISH...SO GLITTERY AND CHRISTMASY...........THEY ARE SITTIN ON THE TABLE NOW.......I CAN;T EVEN LOOK AT THEM, AND MAY JUST THROW THEM ALL AWAY....EVEN IF I STUFF THEM IN BACK OF THE CLOSET, I WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE THEM EVER AGAIN, AND BE REMINDED OF THIS TIME......SO IT IS JUST AS WELL TO THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE.........

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, IN THE PAST WEEK OR SO, I HAD A FUNNY, STRANGE FEELING THAT SOMETHING BAD WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. I JUST COULDN' T PUT MY FINGER ON IT...........MY DREAMS INDICATED IT......EVEN JIMMY'S DREAMS WERE STRANGE........I HAD AN IMBODING FEAR WITHIN ME...........I LOOK BACK ON THIS JOURNAL, AND SEE THAT MY THOUGHTS WERE DISTURBED.........I JUST DIDN'T FEEL HAPPY...............PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL ME I HAVE AN INTENSE SENSE OF INTUITION, ...I AM ABLE TO TELL WHEN THINGS ARE NOT RIGHT.............IT STARTED AS A CHILD, WITH MANY EXPERIENCES, AND HAS GROWN STRONGER THROUGHOUT MY LIFE...........IN THE "OLDEN DAYS," WHEN I WAS A CHILD, IT WAS CALLED "ESP."

AND SO, I WILL SIT HERE AND "THINK,"...........UNTIL I RETURN HERE, TO GIVE YOU AN UPDATE..................FRAN

Monday, December 5, 2005

JIMMY'S CRIME WAS THAT OF "CONSPIRACY." WHILE WORKING AS A BAILBONDSMAN, HE GOT INVOLVED WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE, IN ANOTHER BAILBONDSMAN'S OFICE. JIMMY HELPED TO TRANSPORT MARIJUANA ACROSS THE COUNTRY. HIS CRIME TOOK PLACE IN AUGUST 2000. HE WENT TO PRISON FOR 1 MONTH, AND WAS LET OUT ON A MILLION DOLLAR BAIL.......IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME, I MET HIM, IN MARCH 2001, AND WE GIT MARRIED 6 WEEKS LATER.

HE TURNED HIMSELF IN ON MARCH 2003, AFTER BRINGING ME HERE TO NEW JERSEY WITH HIM.

JIMMY WAS THE ONLY MEMBER OF THE DRUG RING THAT WENT TO PRISON.........................

WELL, GURSS WHAT!......WHIE JIMMY WAS IN PRISON, THE DRUG RING ESCALATED, AND THE MEMBERS WERE BRINGING IN LITERALLY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS PER WEEK.......THEY MADE SO MUCH MONEY, THE RING WAS CLOSED AROUND A YEAR OR SO AGO, BEFORE THEY GOT CAUGHT..................SO, AS MY HUSBAND SITS IN PRISON, TAKING THE BRUNT OF THE CRIME, THE OTHERS ARE WALKING AROUND AS FREE MEN, AND AS MILLIONAIRES......

SEE WHAT I'M SAYING ABOUT THE JUSTICE SYSTEM? SOMETHING IS REAL, REAL WRONG WITH IT...........THE MEMBERS OF THE DRUG RING HAVE NEVER BEEN CAUGHT....AND MY HUSBAND IS SENT BACK TO PRISON AGAIN OVER SOMETHING HE DID............

I HAVE A HUNCH AS TO WHAT JIMMY DID, BUT I CAN;T SAY IT HERE, UNTIL I KNOW 4 SURE TOMOROW I'LL HAVE INFO FOR YOU, AS I WILL BE MAKING SOME CALLS.

MY HUSBAND IS A NON-VIOLENT PRSON.........HE DOES NOT, AND HAS NEVER TAKEN ANY DRUGS, OR ALCOHOL....HE DOESN'T EVEN SMOKE CIGARETTES.......

HE DID NOT COMMIT HIS CRIME FOR MONEY.....HE WOULD HAVE RECEIVED AN INSIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF MONEY, IF HE HADN'T GOTTEN CAUGHT.........HE DID IT BECAUSE HE SIMPLY GOT INVOLVED WITH THEM......HE ADMITS HE MADE A BIG MISTAKE, AND IS SORRY HE DID IT.........

I AM HERE, BETTY...JUST CLEANING UP THE KITCHEN, AND THINKING HOW UNFAIR, AND HOW UNJUST LIFE IS. IT IS SAD, BUT I GUESS THAT IS HOW IT IS FOR SOME OF US.

I HAD EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, EARLIER. THINGS CAME EASY TO ME.....PROFESSION, CAREER, EDUCATION, TRAVEL. BUT NOW, WHAT I WANTED MOST, IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO HAPPEN....THAT IS, A MARRIAGE , AND A FAMILY. ALTHOUGH I AM 52 YEARS OLD, JIMMY STILL WANTS TO HAVE CHILDREN. IT MAY BE THROUGH ADOPTION, OR SURROGATE MOTHER.....AND BELIEVE ME, JIMMY IS SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN...AND A FAMILY MAN AT THAT......HE WILL MAKE A VERY GOOD FATHER.......

AS A WOMAN, I FEEL IT IS THE RIGHT OF A MAN, WHO WOULD BE A WONDERFUL FATHER AND PROVIDER FOR HIS FAMILY, TO HAVE A CHILD.............JIMMY IS THE TYPE OF MAN THAT WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE GOOD CARE OF A CHILD, AND HE WOULD TEACH HIM GOOD WAYS

WHEN WE GOT MARRIED 5 YEARS AGO, JIMMY TOLD ME HE WANTED A CHILD..............THAT WAS THE SADNESS OF HIM GOING TO PRISON AT THAT POINT IN OUR LIFE............THE CLOCK IS TICKING, BUT EVEN THOUGH MANY PEOPLE OPPOSE ME HAVING A CHILD AT MY AGE........I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT THEY SAY...........

SO, EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS, EVERY STEP BACKWARDS, BOTHERS ME MORE THAN IF I WERE 20 YEARS OLD, AND THIS WERE HAPPENING.

THERE ARE SO MANY WOMEN OUT THERE WO HAVE BABIES...LIKE IT IS NOTHING........

BUT FOR ME, GOD NEVER BLESSED ME WITH A CHILD.......IT IS NOW, AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE, THAT I MARRIED A WONDERFUL MAN, THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FAMILY....IT WOULD MAKE LIFE COMPLETE..........AND WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE AT OUR AGE........

BUT THE ODDS SEEM AGAINST US.........

I THINK GOD IS PUNISHING ME FOR SOMETHING....BUT I KNOW NOT WHAT.....

CINDY...IT'S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU...I MISSED YOUR E-MAILS........HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER, NOW.

YES, BETTY....THE PRISON SYSTEM, AND JUDICIAL SYSTEM IS FLAWED.........

BECAUSE EVEN WHEN THE PRISONER DOES GOOD AND IS ON THE WAY TO BECOMING REFORMED, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE TO "STAB YOU IN THE BACK."..........AND IT IS OFTEN THOSE WORKING IN THE PRISONS, THAT ARE JEALOUS, WHEN THE PERSON IS DOING WELL.........IT IS A SHAME AND SIN TO BE THAT WAY............IT IS WORSE THAN THE CRIMINAL HIMSELF.....EVEN THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO STAND IN FRONT OF GOD.................

SUGAR...NO I CAN'T CALL HIM, AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW...............HE PROBABLY HAS TO STAY IN A HOLDING PLACE, FOR PLACEMENT........I HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIS 15 MINUTE CALL, AND IT WILL TAKE DAYS, EVEN WEEKS...........

THANK YOU , BETTY, FOR YOUR PRAYERS.......I WISH YOU WERE HERE NOW, TOO, TO SIT AND HAVE A CUP OF TEA....WHAT I WILL DO NOW, IS CLOSE ALL LIGHTS, AND KEEP THE HOUSE VERY QUIET....NO RADIO. NO TV..........I WILL REMAIN IN SILENCE, IN THE NAME OF GOD...........I WILL BEGIN FASTING, EXCEPT FOR WATER. I WILL REST IN BED............UNTIL I HEAR JIMMY'S VOICE, I WILL REMAIN LIKE THIS.........

MY GRANDMOTHER DID THIS IN THE HOUSEHOLD, WHRN THERE WAS SADNESS...AND I TAKE AFTER HER..........

SOLITUDE AND SADNESS..........THAT IS ALL THERE IS........

IT IS NOT ONLY THAT JIMMY WILL NO LONGER COME HOME, BUT THE WHOLE PRISON PROCESS HAS TO START AGAIN....IT COULD TAKE MONTHS, EVEN YEARS...............IT IS A VERY UNFAIR SYSTEM.............

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, I'D RATHER COMMIT SUICIDE, THAN BE A PART OF THE CRUELTY OF THE PRISON SYSTEM . HOWEVER, IT JUST HAPPENS THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN, WHO WAS A CRIMINAL...........AND JIMMY AND I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT OUR MEETING, AND MARRIAGE WAS THE WORK OF GOD.........WE BELIEVE THAT OUR SUFFERING HAS A PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD...........AND IT CAN ONLY BE TO HELP OTHERS.........

I KNOW THAT EVEN PRISONERS ARE READING THIS, WHERE COMPUTERS ARE ALLOWED.......

IF YOU CAN SEE THE SADNESS OF IT ALL...IN COMMITTING CRIMES..............I ASK, YOU, JUST WHY........WHY DO YOU DO IT, OVER AND OVER......................DOES IT REALLY HELP YOUR LIFE OR ANYONE ELSES TO COMMIT A CRIME..........YOU ONLY BREAK THE HEART OF THE ONE YOU LOVE...............

IN A PERFECT WORLD, I BELIEVE THERE WILL BE NO CRIMINALS...NO PRISONS...........NO EVIL........

GOD'S WORLD IS A PERFECT WORLD......

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE THIS A PERFECT WORLD, IF ONLY PEOPLE WERE WILLING TO GIVE UP EVIL............

WELL, I'LL GO REST NOW.....THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR WORDS AND SUPPORT............I APPRECIATE EVERY ONE OF THEM..........TRUTHFULLY, THERE IS REALLY NOTHING ANYONE CAN SAY OR DO RIGHT NOW........IT IS ALL IN THE HANDS OF GOD..............FRAN

THE INSTITUTION IS NOT ALLOWED TO CALL YOU AND TELL YOU THAT YOUR HUSBAND DID SOMETHING WRONG, AND WAS SENT BACK TO PRISON.

.....AND SO SHE SITS AND WAITS..........IN WONDERMENT.......

THERE ARE NO LAWS AND RULES THAT I KNOW OF IN OUR COUNTRY, THAT WOULD HELP THE LOVED ONES OF PRISONERS...........

IF PEOPLE WOULD WORK TOGETHER FOR THIS CAUSE, THEN MAYBE LAWS WOULD BE MADE. IT IS WHAT I ALWAYS TRIED TO EXPLAIN THROUGH THIS JOURNAL, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE NEVER UNDERSTOOD.

AND EVEN NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS. I CALLED THE INMATE LOCATOR, BUT THEY DIDN'T ANSWER, SO I'LL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.......

IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHERE HE IS.......NOTHING REALLY MATTERS RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, FOR ME...BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS JUST NOT OVER YET........AND I HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT PERSONAL STUFF TO GET THROUGH IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE IT ALONE.......

WELL, I JUST FED PRINCE, AND TOLD HIM HIS DADDY IS NOT COMING HOME FOR QUITE A WHILE , NOW......

I'M NOT SURE IF IT IS WORTH IT............TO LOVE A MAN, WHO IS IN PRISON. RIGHT NOW, I WOULD TELL YOU ALL, IT IS ALMOST NOT WORTH IT....TO TORTURE YOURSELF, AND LIVE IN A WORLD THAT TORTURES YOU...........NOPE, NOT WORTH IT.............EVEN LOVE HAS IT'S BOUNDARIES.

THE PRISON SYSTEM HAS A WAY OF CHANGING YOU........ONCE A HAPPY PERSON, IT CAN DRAIN YOU OUT....IT CAN MAKE YOU SO UNHAPPY, THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE......WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO, THEN ONE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE....

About Me

I HAVE BEEN AN RN FOR THE PAST 38 YEARS.HOWEVER, NOW I AM RETIRED, AFTER BECOMING LEGALLY BLIND IN 2002. MY HUSBAND WENT TO PRISON FOR 3.5 YEARS, on MARCH 28, 2003. HE HAS NOW BEEN HOME FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS.WE ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE.I MET JIMMY IN A CHAT ROOM IN 2001.HE FLEW OUT TO LAS VEGAS, WHERE I WAS LIVING AT THE TIME.WE GOT MARRIED RIGHT AWAY. HE TOLD ME FROM THE START THAT HE COMMITTED A CRIME AND MUST GO TO PRISON FOR IT..AFTER 1 YEAR , WE CAME BACK TO JERSEY.HE STAYED IN PRISON FOR 3.5 YEARS.I WAS ALL ALONE.I BECAME A RECLUSE.I TURNED TO MY JOURNAL FOR SUPPORT.A REPORTER FROM "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY," FOUND MY BLOG.HE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY IT I HAD A LARGE STORY PRINTED ABOuT NE AND MY BLOG, AND HOW IT WAS HELPING PEOPLE, IN THE SUNDAY "PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY".NOW, ALL THAT IS IN THE PAST.WE ARE VERY HAPPY!
READ MY JOURNAL,AND SEE HOW LIFE GOES ON!
AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE.IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU!.I WANT TO ENCOURAGE MY READERS, THAT BEING A PRISON WIFE IS NOT THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD, AND YOU CAN CONTINUE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!!!!