Friday, February 28, 2014

Tag line:The
murder investigation had turned up three suspects – and each one had a motive
for doing away with the victim!

Police characters:
Detective Dan Roberts and
Detective Shelly Ormsby

The gist:The
housekeeper comes back from grocery shopping to find the bloody body ofSocialite Paula Haden on the kitchen
floor. Someone had stabbed the woman to
death.It was a Thursday, grocery
shopping day. The housekeeper had been
gone for about an hour. When she came
home, she set the bags on the counter, saw the body, and called 911.

The housekeeper pointed a finger at the nephew saying he was always
coming around asking for money.The last
time Paula refused and the housekeeper heard him threaten her.

The nephew, who stands to inherit part of Paula’s estate, blurted out
Aunt Paula was murdered? when the cops showed up at his home.When asked why he would assume that, he
stated that the police don’t show up for routine deaths.He admitted he was in a bad financial state
but said it wasn’t something he couldn’t dig himself out of.He pointed a finger at his brother, Alan.Alan was also in a bad money spot and he
drank. He didn’t deny threatening his aunt but added everyone knew he, Alan and
the housekeeper were all in the will and sooner or later they would inherit a
nice chunk of money.

The police found Alan in a bar.When the police asked where he had been that morning, Alan had an alibi
with the bartender.He pointed a finger
at the housekeeper saying that Paula had been complaining about the woman
slacking off and taking advantage of her position.

Detective Roberts was leaning towards one of the two men. He noted
that the nephew needed money and Alan clearly lied about problems with the
housekeeper as the house had been immaculate.

Detective Ormsby agreed, but added that the clean kitchen was the
clue.

Crime scene:Paula
Haden’s home, which was spotlessly, clean with uncluttered granite countertops
and sleek appliances. The only thing out of place was the body on the floor.

Clues:The clean
floor.

Suspects:
The housekeeper, the nephew, or
Alan.

Red herrings:
Alan knew his aunt had been
murdered before the cops revealed it, making him suspicious. The nephew threatened his aunt.

Solution:
Detective Ormsby recalled that
the counters were clear and uncluttered meaning either the housekeeper had lied
about going out for groceries or she lied about her actions when she returned
home.Nobody would step around a body on
the floor and put groceries away.

My two
cents:I’ve
noticed that WW loves it when the females solve the crime.In this story it makes a little more sense
that she would notice the missing bags of groceries rather than the male
officer, so it worked out well.It didn’t
really say, but I’m guessing the housekeeper, knowing she was in the will,
either got tired of waiting or really was slacking off and about to be let go
and therefore lose her chance at inheriting a nice sum.

The clue wasn’t ‘in your face’ and was placed in the first part of the
story, so that by the time you finished dealing with the two men, it was a
forgotten detail.I thought this story
worked and was well plotted out. Even
though Alan said the bartender would vouch for him, he could have promised the
man money for lying.So the fact that he
had an alibi there didn’t impress the cops.

I would give this story 4 stars.

Now…some things to think about (that don’t ruin the story).A rich socialite would have security cameras
in and around her home that would have caught the perp on film.At the very least it would have caught the
housekeeper either coming in with groceries, or not leaving at all.The housekeeper had time to clean herself up,
but there must be bloody clothes somewhere in the house. Stabbing is a messy
business.In the real world, the detectives
would remain at the crime scene and have their CSI unit look for things like
that.The detectives would not go
chasing around town looking for the other two men. They would have uniformed
cops go pick them up and bring them in for questioning.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Tag line:Someone had been in a big hurry to
get rid of Randolph Dunlop.Question
was, who?

Police characters: Detective Josh Adams and Detective Tony Donato.

The gist:The story starts out with the
detectives watching the funeral of a millionaire, Dunlop, who had died a week
earlier of a car crash where he lost control of his vehicle and careened over a
cliff.The police knew, but not the
public, that someone had cut Dunlop’s brake lines. At the end of the funeral
service three people remained, Dunlop’s second wife Carolyn who was almost as
young as Dunlop’s daughter, his daughter Victoria who did not get along with
her step-mom, and Carolyn’s brother, Fred, who lost a fortune taking the advice
of Dunlop.After Dunlop had married, he
changed his will cutting out his daughter and leaving it all to his new wife. After the funeral the detectives met with the
three relatives and announced that it was not an accident that killed Dunlop
and that someone has sabotaged this car. Victoria pointed a finger at the new wife,
calling her a greedy gold digger.The
new wife accused the daughter because she was angry that dad had changed his
will. She added that Victoria’s boyfriend knew all about cars and that if
anyone tampered with the brakes it was him.Then Victoria turned on Fred, claiming he must have done it because he
was angry about losing all his money.Fred told the police he had heard Victoria yelling “I wish you were dead”
to her father the day before he died.Victoria denied saying that.Detective Adams received a cell phone call from the police department
saying that they had found a fingerprint on the car in an unusual spot and he
now knows who did it.

Crime scene:Tampered car.

Clues:A fingerprint in an odd spot.

Suspects: The 3 relatives.(WW loves three suspects.)

Red herrings: The changed will.The lost fortune.The daughter wishing her dad was dead.

Solution: The new wife did it.Even before her fingerprint was found she gave herself away by accusing
Victoria of tampering with the brakes, a tidbit of info no one else knew except
the police. She said she killed him
before he could change his will back to his daughter.

My two cents:“Question was, who?”Well, duh.Extremely
uninspiring, unimaginative tag line.The
killer gave herself away by knowing a fact that only the perp would know. ((yawn))Once you read that you might as well not even read the rest of the
story.Why can’t we have some fun,
imaginative, interesting, makes-you-think kind of clues?We really don’t need two detectives now, do
we?

Friday, February 14, 2014

Tag line:James figured he was too clever to
get caught…but he never figured on Mrs. Potts!

Police characters: Sheriff Jones and his deputy.And Mrs. Potts.

The gist:It was a snowy night.James drove to his office, a law firm, which
was located outside of the city limits on a piece of remote land, parked in the
empty lot, took a bolt cutter and crowbar from his car, stomped through the
snow, used the crow bar to splinter the front door and entered.He used a flashlight to get to the door
marked Private and pried that door open as well.Within a short time he cut the padlock on the
safe and took out bundles of cash from within.He could now finally pay off his gambling debts.

Then he phoned
the police and said he was calling from an office that had been burglarized at
his firm’s building.He hurried back to
the car, stripped off his gloves and stowed them and the tools in his
trunk.He covered them, along with the bundles
of cash, with a blanket. Then he went back inside to wait for the police. To
his surprise a gray-haired lady showed up with Sheriff Jones and his deputy. Sheriff
Jones asked if James had touched anything in the office.James said no.Was anything missing except the contents of
the safe?James said he didn’t know and
that no one ever uses that office.Mrs.
Potts asked James why he had come into work on a bad weather night.James said he often works nights and
weekends. Sheriff noted that not too
many people keep a padlock on a safe these days and that the burglar must have
known that because a bolt cutter had been used. (Frankly, the only real clue in
my eyes.) The deputy swept the room that had been broken into for fingerprints
and only found a few on the filing cabinet.James said they were probably from the secretary.

Mrs. Potts asked why there were two sets of
footprints going and coming from James’s car to the office.James said he keeps files in his trunk and he
went out to get them for the corporate phone number as he was going to call their
main office next to report the crime.Mrs. Potts asked James “Mind if we check your car trunk”” and “We could get a warrant if he’d like”. James asked, “Why, because I left footprints
in the snow?”Mrs. Potts said it was
because of something he didn’t leave.

Crime scene:James’s place of work.

Clues:Snow footprints.Padlock on a safe.No gloves on a winter night.

Suspects: James or some random burglar.

Red herrings: None.

Solution: James had left his gloves on when he used the office phone to
call the sheriff.His fingerprints
should have been on the receiver.

My two cents:James could have come in the building with his gloves on (it
was a cold night), saw the signs of a break-in, called the cops, went back to
his car to get the phone number of the corporate office from the files in his
trunk (although I don’t know why he wouldn’t have the corporate office phone
number in his own office inside the building), took off his gloves to shuffle
through the paperwork, and then left his gloves in the car at that point.I don’t know why he didn’t just put them in
his coat pocket instead of stashing them in the trunk.It was winter after all.People wear gloves.It’s not a sign of guilt.

It always
cracks me up when Mrs. Potts threatens to get a search warrant.You have to have strong probable cause, write
up a sworn affidavit, convince a judge that there is probable cause to do the
search, and have him/her sign off on it before the search can be done. This all
takes time. You can’t invade people’s
property and step on their rights to go on a fishing expedition, or for a
hunch.She could have been trying to
gauge his reaction when she threatened him with that, but the story didn’t make
that clear.This guy worked in a law firm.Even if he isn’t a lawyer, he’d pick up through
his daily work with the other employees that it’s not easy to get search
warrants.Lawyers file petitions and
motions to suppress and fight search warrants all the time in court. The sheriff can’t hold him there and can’t
impound his car.He was free to leave. He
should have known that. Had I written
the story, I would have made it some other type of business.

It was
night. It was winter and cold out. She’s old.Potts should have been in bed. It must frost the deputy’s cookies that
the sheriff let’s her ride with them.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Tag
line:A hundred-dollar bill was
missing from TJ’s wallet – and he knew exactly who to blame for the
theft!

Police
characters: None.

The
gist:TJ gets a burger at a
diner.It was greasy and
overcooked.When he complained, the
waiter just turned and walked away without an apology.So TJ didn’t tip him. He paid for his food
and went to go buy antacid tablets at the pharmacy.When he was at the cashier’s station, he
realized he didn’t have his wallet.It
must still be on the table at the diner.All he had left in there was one $100 bill.TJ storms out of the pharmacy, heads back to
the diner, bursts through the door and marches up to the hostess asking about
his wallet.Ms. Hostess is friendly and
told him the waiter found his wallet and put it in the Lost and Found box which
is located in the manager’s office.Sure
enough his wallet was in the box, but when he opened it, his $100 was
missing.“Where’s my money?” he
demanded.Ms. Hostess claims to not know
anything about any money.TJ’s gaze
swept the room and he spotted his waiter.He yelled, “You!Get over here!”About that time the manager comes out to see
what all the commotion is about.TJ
accuses the waiter of taking his money.The waiter quickly defended himself and said when he found the wallet he
took in straight to the Lost and Found, and even though he didn’t get a tip he
would never steal TJ’s money.The
manager claims the wallet was in his office from the time the waiter placed it
there until it was claimed.All eyes
turned to the hostess, the only other person who had access to the manager’s
office.“Don’t look at me,” she
said.“I didn’t take your hundred
dollars.”TJ apologized to the waiter.

Crime
scene:A diner.

Clues:The
dollar amount of the bill.

Suspects:
The waiter, the hostess, and the manager of
the diner.

Red
herrings: None.

Solution:
The hostess was the only
one who knew it was $100.

My
two cents:The lesson learned here
for WW writers is that WW loves three suspects.We see it time and again.The solving
clue is also an old favorite:“only the perp
would know some tidbit of info”.Overused?Sure.But a steady seller.

I don’t know
why this TJ guy had to be so rude.It
didn’t add to the story for me.In fact,
I sorta’ hoped he never found his money and the heartburn ate a hole in his esophagus.
(Is
that mean?Can’t help it.I don’t like him.)

Other than
that there’s really not much to say.I can’t
imagine why they chose such a humdrum story with an overused formula and an
unlikable main character.And to put the
‘solving clue’ at the very end of the story?They didn’t even try to hide it or slip it in. It doesn’t seem like much effort went into
this week’s offering. That the editors
highlighted the word ‘exactly’ in the tag line was the only mildly clever thing
about the whole page.

Mom on my porch, doing the same jigsaw puzzle she does every day.

Kayla, my granddaughter. :)

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Every Wednesday

Want help with your story?

My day job puts me in contact with real cops, detectives, FBI agents and DEA guys. I have worked thousands of cases from the homeless guy on the Metrorail who got arrested for jumping the turnstile -- that’s right, arrested for not having a quarter -- to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who strangled hookers along the famous trail in Miami. I produce court transcripts for a living.

Who better to look at your mystery stories to see if the police procedures are true, the clues are solid and the whole thing works? I will not hesitate to point out the good, the bad and the ugly in your story. Both of my WW mysteries made it to Johnene. From there? Cross your fingers.

The line-by-line edit, which also includes grammar, spelling and proofing, will offer suggestions on how to improve problem spots. The cost is $29 payable by PayPal. 72-hour turn around time.

I’ll also take a second look once you’ve revamped your story, but this time I’ll only look for glaring errors assuming all the details you chose to put in you want to stay in.

Send your story as a Word e-mail attachment to ladyrprter at aol dot com, and the fee to PayPal using ladyrprter at aol dot com for the payee

Your tag line is the hook that gets someone interested in reading your work. It's one of the most important lines of your story. Take time to make it sparkle.

Criminals don't always think the crime through--especially if the crime is one of passion or revenge--but don't have them make stupid or stilly mistakes just to get your story written. Make the mistakes something that you just normally don't think about. Like the pruning skin in this story.

You don't always have to have crime scene details to make a mystery story work. Cozy mysteries sell well if you make the characters interesting.

Once again WW chose a story with a female cop and little old ladies. Just remember to use the proper words for the crimes and before you say things like, he jimmied the lock, understand just what that is.

You've only got 700 words. Make them count. Don't waste words on things that don't matter. And NEVER give a clue and then later in the solution change it to the opposite. That's not fair. Just how is the reader supposed to figure it out then?

There are many ways to lay out the solve-it-yourself story. You don't always have to have the reader guess who the perp is. This week's story was presented with a fresh angle. We knew who did it. The question was did she cover her tracks well enough to fool the police?

As writers we often ask the reader to suspend disbelief a bit, but don't overdo it. Keep it as real as you can or you'll lose the reader.

If you have four suspects, have four good motives. Otherwise what's the point in having four suspects? It is almost a sin to have four suspects and not have even one decent red herring in the bunch. That's just a waste of words.

When the reader expects one situation, and gets another, that's really a form of a red herring. I expected a tired old theory and was given the surprise of a fresh twist. As the reader I was tricked...and that's a good thing.

When you reuse characters be sure to make them interesting and likable. Being cranky is not the same as being interesting. Be careful to not let one of them become mean. It's hard to like someone who calls people names and teases them about their not so glorious past.

Don't introduce a main character too late in the story. The reader feels cheated.

You don't always have to have police involved for a mystery to work. Be realistic if you are going to use animals in your story. Lassie wasn't real.

Write in more than one good motive. Two or three people could have done it, but only one has the means and opportunity to go with that motive.

I realize you only have 700 words to get in your story, but use every one of those words wisely. Don't repeat to fill the space. If your story is really done in 350 words, your story is too simple.

Try not to use the same old tired solutions. We're writers. Come up with something new and interesting. Treat the readers to a challenge. If I see one more muddy footprint on a white carpet...I'm going to hurt somebody.

Readers like to follow the same characters. Once you sell a mystery to WW, try building up a following by using the same police characters in future stories. Do us all a favor though... make them likable.

I know I'm repeating myself (talk about deja vu) but please try your very best to come up with a fresh twist or interesting solution that hasn't been done before. We want WW readers to LOVE this mystery page...not become bored with it.

Don't use too many names in your story. It just confuses the reader. The story this week handled this extremely well. You knew who you were reading about from the character's description. It all flowed well and never pulled the reader out of the story.

A short story is really just a very short novel. The same rules apply. Give us characters we will love and care about. Don't have them doing silly things.

Once again we have someone not acting right. Check your facts. Check your facts. Check your facts. Did I mention you should ALWAYS check your facts? Getting the details right should just be a given.

Make sure the solution makes sense. Common sense. Put yourself in their shoes. What would you do? Think? How would you act? Don't throw in a rotten fish just for smell.

Know the proper use of words. Men don't leer at each other -- generally. lol. Don't make up a silly details to fit your story line. Make sure everything works and people act in character.

UPDATE: Woman's World has changed their rights clause.

Q: It used to be WW had FNSR, first rights with a 6-month clause. Has that changed?

A: Yes. It used to be first serial rights which meant the magazine had the right to be the first place to publish the article/story/ poem in North America (USA and Canada) and after the piece ran, you were free to resell it to another medium or to package a collection of your work into a book.

However in 2014 Bauer Publishing has changed to this:

License to Bauer Publishing for User Content. You grant to Bauer Publishing the unrestricted, unconditional, non-exclusive, unlimited, worldwide, irrevocable, perpetual and royalty-free right and license to host, use, copy, distribute, reproduce, disclose, sell, re-sell, sub-license, display, perform, transmit, publish, broadcast, modify, reformat, translate, archive, store, cache or otherwise exploit in any manner whatsoever, all or any portion of your User Content for any purpose whatsoever in all formats; on or through any media, software, formula or medium now known or hereafter developed; and with any technology or devices now known or hereafter developed and to advertise, market and promote the same.

About Me

Following sixteen years as a travel agent (more travel than money) Jody Lebel switched gears, returned to school and became a court reporter (more money than travel). She swapped jetting off to fun and exotic locations for reporting the cases of murderers, rapists, and thieves who are, by the way, almost never in a good mood. Being assigned to the chief judge in Broward County exposed her to a wide spectrum of cases; from funny to tragic to bizarre to downright creepy. She has reported everything from a homeless guy who had jumped the turnstile on the Metrorail and was now in jail for not having a quarter, to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who murdered six women. ******
Contact me at ladyrprter at aol dot com

Woman's World Info ...

In 1981, Heinrich Bauer Verlag of Hamburg, West Germany, one of Europe's largest magazine publishers, entered America's highly competitive women's service magazine field when it launched the weekly Woman's World. The magazine quickly set itself apart from the rest of the pack. Other women's magazines of the day were mostly thick slick tomes bursting with ads, and featuring articles geared to upwardly mobile readers. Woman's World, on the other hand, offered a high-quality tabloid-style format light on ads that was aimed at middle-class moms who wanted practical advice on food, fashion, parenting, and beauty and health tips. The public soon took notice. Woman's World quickly became the most popular weekly women's magazine in the country.

Today, Bauer Publishing USA, headquartered in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, is the number one seller of magazines on newsstands in the United States, generating an annual $320 million dollars in single copy revenue. It publishes two of the top five selling titles on the newsstand-Woman's World and In Touch Weekly. For several years running, Woman's World, a fixture at supermarket checkout stands everywhere, was the most popular newsstand magazine of any kind. As it celebrates its 25th anniversary in 2006, Woman's World remains the #1 selling women's publication on newsstands, selling more than 77 million copies in 2004. First for Women, another Bauer publication was second in sales with 25 million. Far back in the pack in third place was Woman's Day, with sales of 16 million newsstand copies.

Woman's World celebrated its 25th year on the newstands in 2006. This weekly publication is the number one newsstand seller with a yearly circulation of well over 84 million. Don't underestimate this little magazine. Woman's World is very popular with middle class women for many reasons. The price is nice, at $1.79 and it has very few ads and none of those annoying subscription cards inside. Every single page is jam packed with information and the romantic fiction and a solve-it-yourself mystery are a nice bonus. The features makes you feel good too.

Woman's World Fiction Guidelines

WOMAN'S WORLD FICTION GUIDELINES Mini mystery guidelines: We purchase short "solve-it-yourself" mysteries of 700 words--a count that includes the narrative and the solution. Stories should be cleverly plotted, entertaining cliffhangers that end with a challenge to the reader to figure out “whodunit” or “howdunit.” The solution to the mystery is provided in a separate box.Robbery, burglary, fraud and murder are acceptable subjects, but spare the readers any gory details or excessive violence, please! We are also not interested in ghost stories, science fiction or fantasy.We pay $500 per mystery and retain all rights after publication.IMPORTANT NOTES:Manuscripts should be double-spaced in legible size type.Where to send manuscripts:

If you have not previously been published by Woman's World magazine: Fiction@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention If you have had a romance or mini-mystery published by Woman's World:FictionPro@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention

Get to know us: Please familiarize yourself thoroughly with our romances and mini mysteries before submitting your work.Be patient: Because we receive a tremendous volume of manuscripts, our turnaround time may range from one to three months. If you still have not heard from us after four months, feel free to submit your manuscript t another publisher. Please do not call or write us to inquire about a manuscript's status.

My track record --

I took Kate Willoughby's workshop on how to write for Woman's World magazine. I highly recommend it. Go to her blogspot site at womansworldstyle.blogspot.com for more info.

Then I sat down and wrote my first romance story for WW. That was in July 2012. It sold in November 2012 and appeared in the December 31st issue.