"Armageddon---Half the fun is getting there," says LaPierre

Wayne LaPierre, Chairman of the NRA spoke to a wildly enthusiastic crowd of supporters over the weekend. Speaking in front of a US flag as big as the state of Kansas, LaPierre exhorted his supporters to, "Stand up, put your baseball caps on backwards and show America's elite who really cares about this county!"

As the starry eyed crowd clapped and cheered LaPierre challenged them to, "Show these media elites and college snobs who is in control of this great country. They think that anyone with an IQ lower than eighty-three is stupid!" He paused as the crowd whooped and hollered, "NO WAY!"

LaPierre raised his fist in the air and shouted, "I guarantee you this; you and I will not rest until every man, and woman and child in this great country is capable of shooting their way into heaven!" The crowd exploded in wild cheers. LaPierre held up his hand to calm them and then finished in a voice that grew to a crescendo as he finished; "And I promise you this," he paused for effect and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I will not rest, I will not falter, I will not quit until I have personally urinated on a copy of the Sunday edition of The New York Times!"

As the crowd cheered and LaPierre was Carried from the hall on the shoulders of supporters, he suddenly and without apparent reason started to chant," Go Nads! Go Nads!"

A reporter from the New York Times turned to a colleague and was heard to remark, "I guess that's what it's all about Alfie."

Make b kenneth mcgee's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

TRENTON, NJ - The spokesman for The Chris Christie Foundation, Betha Buhderbahl, announced that the foundation will take on a troubling, weighty issue when it comes to the income gap between healthy people and the obese.
Obese people make 72 cents...

Rafael Edward Cruz, a first-term Senator from Texas, dispensing with any exploratory phase for his Presidential aspirations, delivered a formal speech during the weekly convocation at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia yesterday.
The Bapti...

Westchester, New York - Congenital Ambien deficiency is suspected after 17 year-old Michaela, daughter of Kerry Kennedy and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, was found slumped on the floor of her mother's home.
"So far no bathtubs appear to be invo...

MYLITTLEPO, NY (Tengu Windwaker) -- Angela Candelabra, aged 15, the girl who claimed to "die" for almost a day to "see heaven and hell" who also had a video that made Fundamentalists fight other religions through shocking testimonies which look like...

Washington DC - The White House says most of President Obama's private emails to Hillary Clinton were returned unopened because the former US Secretary of Snakes couldn't handle Jamaican Patois.
The Creole-related Caribbean tongue-encrypted presi...

WASHINGTON, DC - Surgeon General Vice Admiral (VADM) Vivek H. Murthy, M.D., M.B.A., released a study today recommending that President Obama issue an executive order to establish a Federal United Copulation Center (FUCC).
The report, 17 years in t...

Washington, DC -- Unannounced presidential candidate Hillary Clinton had more than a few good reasons for operating her own email server while she served as Secretary of State. Unfortunately, they were all on that server, which has malfunctioned and...