Fears of Regional Instability as Iowa explodes into Ethnic Violence

by zunguzungu

After record voter turnout in Iowa yesterday, angry supporters of Barrack Obama have taken to the streets in protest of the announcement that George Bush had won the state’s Democratic nomination by a wide margin. The announcement came hours before the polls had closed, sparking suspicion that the election’s integrity was compromised, though an independent election commission headed by Jeb Bush certified that the election was fair and balanced. There had been widespread anticipation that Barrack Obama or another Democrat would easily win in the polling.

Election observers from Wisconsin have testified to a wide range of faulty practices in the polling. “While some have called attention to the apparently unlikely fact that a sitting Nebraskuyu president could so convincingly win the nomination of so many Illinuo districts,” said Sven McSvenson, former Vice Commissar of the Peoples Republic of Wisconsin, “at this time, we do not wish to contribute baseless speculation that could imperil the legitimacy of the president.” The neutrality of Wisconsin has been called into question, however, since its economy is heavily based on cheese exports which must be transported to the West via Iowa. The “Packer-Viking” conflict of the late nineties closed off other transportation routes.

In a region known for political unrest, Iowa had been previously regarded as a model of stability. But widespread allegations of election rigging have now raised fears that ethnic tension will escalate towards the kind of violence usually associated with failed states like the District of Columbia, which has been occupied by the Federal government for decades. There is also particular concern that violence could spill across state borders into neighboring Illinois or Nebraska. Though Iowa’s tribal population has, until now, managed to co-exist peacefully, Obama’s tribal constituency (the Illinuo) has been for years forced to occupy the political sidelines, while the Nebraskuyu have dominated the civil service, the military, and centers of cultural capital like the Iowa Writers Program. Many see the violence as a reversion to the past, with mobs turning to street violence to settle old ethnic enmities.

Many Iowans are distressed that media coverage is making them look just like any other midwestern military state. “This is not Michigan,” said one voter, who wished not to be identified, “I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”

Voters in Iowa select candidates according to a secretive ritual known as the “caucus,” a poorly understood convocation of village and tribal communities in which charisma and tribal reputation are believed to sway opinion in unpredictable ways. Efforts to modernize this process has run up against stubborn, ingrained attachment to the pre-modern ritual, though many have suggested that reforming the electoral process would do a great deal to bring a state largely populated by subsistence farmers into the international community.

In the United States of Africa, few have taken notice, though some pundits have issued calls for former colonial rulers to militarily intervene in the commonwealth of American states, most of whom are former colonies of Mexico and Brazil. “We’ve tried letting these people rule themselves,” declared Oginga Odinga, Prime Minister of the USA, “but all I ever see on TV is white people killing white people.”

6 Comments to “Fears of Regional Instability as Iowa explodes into Ethnic Violence”

As Brad would say, Why oh why can’t we have a better press corp?After record voter turnout in Iowa yesterday, angry supporters of Barrack Obama have taken to the streets in protest of the announcement that George Bush had won

Thank you, that’s very kind. I’ve been reading your very excellent blog for a while now (www.acephalous.typepad.com for those who don’t know), actually, and I’m in awe of your ability to read apparently everything on the entire internet and also write a dissertation, while also having the time to take care of cats (my condolences) and have adventures and stuff. It’s a neat trick. Actually I’m not convinced that Scott Eric Kaufman really exists; I suspect you might be an A-team of wacky specialists (Scott, Eric, and Kaufman, perhaps?) who have assumed a composite identity in order to preserve the fading aura around the work of blog-art. Sort of propping up the author effect in the age of internet reproduction or something. Am I right? I’ve got twenty bucks riding on it, so let me know.

But sadly, “I” exist in the singular. Would that I could delegate dissertation revision, to some poor schlub of a me who had nothing better to do, while I played with cats and watched television. Sigh.

Meta

“With Buhari’s win, Soyinka, who hasn’t felt this optimistic since the end of military rule in 1999, hopes he won’t be disappointed again. “Against my rational instincts, I believe that we have here a genuine case of a born-again democrat,” he said.“” - http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-04-02/nigeria-must-forgive-buhari-s-past-noble-laureate-soyink […]

“Rwandan President Paul Kagame has confirmed media reports that Kigali is finalising a multimillion dollar deal that will see it host illegal immigrants that Israel intends to expel." http://www.theeastafrican.co.ke/news/Rwanda-confirms-Israel-talks-on-hosting-African-immigrants/-/2558/2674228/-/qy33pdz/-/index.html

“Folklore notwithstanding, Washington’s false teeth were not wooden. He obtained them instead from horses, donkeys, cows — and human beings. (According to his account books, in 1784, emulating some of his affluent friends, he bought nine teeth from unidentified “Negroes” — perhaps enslaved African-Americans at his beloved Mount Vernon; the price was 122 shil […]

““The painter is condemned to please. By no means can he transform a painting into an object of aversion. The purpose of a scarecrow is to frighten birds from the field where it is planted, but the most terrifying painting is there to attract visitors. Actual torture can also be interesting, but in general that can’t be considered its purpose. Torture takes […]

“This period in the MOOC lifecycle is reminding me of a couple of years I spent in the late 1990s as a consultant to a water-treatment start-up company. The company was pitching a promising but unproven technology to some of the worst non-point-source polluters in California. These operators couldn’t control stockyard waste runoff, chemical drainage from ol […]

“Wagner’s absurd example of the slave compromise was an attempt to put a big smiley-face Band-Aid over what has become an oozing scab at Emory. He wanted alumni to think his administration was happily compromising with the very people and programs it is purging from the campus while marching forward to an even more glorious future for the health and science […]

“David Dillon, CEO of Kroger, put it succinctly: “If you look through the economics of the penalty the companies pay versus the cost to provide coverage, the penalty’s too low, or the cost of coverage is too high.” The penalty for not covering a worker is $2,000 a year—less than half the cost of covering a single worker ($4,664, according to the Kaiser Famil […]

““He was the first athlete whose public persona was entirely constructed by commercials, and his influential gospel was that the ultimate aspiration of any athlete should be to become a brand. This marked a Reagan-era break in the tradition of athletes—particularly African-American athletes—to use their platform, influence and power for the greater good. The […]

How to be a writer in Mozambique? [Mia Couto] - I’ll tell you a little episode that can help answer that question. One day I was coming home and it was dark, it was about six o'clock. There was a boy sitting on the wall waiting for me. When I arrived, he introduced himself, but had a hand behind his back. I felt fear and the first thing I thought is tha […]