Sunday, January 6, 2013

Resolve to Love

Resolve to Love By Kerry and Chris Shook

Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you.
Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but
you’re not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately
you’ve been drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and your mother called.
There’s that. You know you should return her call, but you haven’t. Why? You
know there are things you should have said before, you avoided them, and now
you feel it’s too late. It’s always so hard with her. Always messy. And
then...your son has been missing. Not missing physically, but he’s been
distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally. What’s that about? What’s going on
in his life? You want to reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you.

Maybe the relationships in your life aren’t exactly like these, but I’m
guessing these remind you of someone close to you, a problem relationship in
your life right now. Maybe it’s not your mother but your father, perhaps not
your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever it is, he
or she is someone who matters to you—or else the relationship wouldn’t trouble
you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and grumble, or even bring
you to tears.

So take a moment and think, who are these three key people in your life?
Which meaningful relationships are troubling you? Relationships you wish were
closer. Relationships you’d like to be deeper and richer. Relationships that
trouble you, bother you, even make you a little crazy right now.

Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these
three key relationships out loud.

Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most
significant thing you do in your life right now. Why?

Because life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of The
Day—in this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is
relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with the
people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career goals we set
now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb don’t matter so
much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem utterly trivial.

What really counts in the end is that special knowing look you share with
your spouse, the arms of your child reaching up to you, or the quiet comfort of
a friend who stands by your side in a difficult time.

The award-winning animated movie Up contains some profound truths about
relationships. In a breathtaking sequence early in the film, we see the entire
arc of the life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love,
and gets married. They share a dream to travel to South America and save every
penny for their big trip. But there’s something familiar about the way their
savings are constantly being used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily
life. Before Carl and Ellie know it, they’re in their seventies, and although
they have a beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream adventure.

Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they never
took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture memories of
Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and sets out for South
America! You begin to realize as the movie progresses that this dream trip they
were saving for, this object of their future plan together, wasn’t really that
important after all. The real adventure was the life they shared along the way.

The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of
us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.

Think about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those three
people you named. You can’t do anything about death and the physical departure
of one of them from this earth. That’s in God’s hands.
But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.

Much of what you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.

Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the first
few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to right side
up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant stage; we tend to
see relationships upside down, and our culture only reinforces this view. The
concept of love at first sight permeates our music, movies, television, and
books. What we learn as children and continue to believe as adults is that a
fairy-tale relationship somehow just happens. Now, I’m not bashing romance, but
meaningful relationships depend on seeing other people as they are and looking
at them right side up. Real love—whether romantic love, a close friendship, or
a family relationship—happens long after first sight. It shows up as people get
to know each other more deeply and often after they work through tough things
together. Real love in relationships isn’t a magic act; it’s a journey. When
people say, “It was love at first sight,” what they really mean is “I was
attracted to that person the first time I saw them.” There is nothing wrong
with being infatuated with someone at the start of a relationship. The real
question, however, is, do you have a love that is growing stronger and deeper
every day?

I don’t believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last sight.
Each of my relationships has the potential to be better the next time we’re
together than it was the previous time so that the last time we see each other
on this earth we’re closer than ever before.

I’d like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book
One Month to Love is the challenge, and you can do it on your own.
Just read a chapter each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you
can probably read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll
find the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you
take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships. Also
you can log on to onemonthtolove.com each day to access our personal coaching
and get extra encouragement and advice or share your story. Our goal is to come
alongside you to help you create the very best relationships possible. Let’s
resolve to love this year!

Adapted from One
Month to Love by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission
of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.