Frustrated ED Doc “Goes Nuclear,” Admits Patient to Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Facing unprecedented obstruction getting his patient admitted to the hospital and decompressing his overburdened emergency department (ED), local ED physician, Dr. M. McConnell, invoked a never-before used clause, deemed the “nuclear option,” to get his patient out of the ED and into an inpatient bed. After being repeatedly denied admission by the hospitalist, Dr. McConnell made the extraordinary decision to admit the patient directly to administration.

“My patient, Mr. Gorsuch, was waiting for hours in the ED once his diagnosis of pneumonia was made,” explained Dr. McConnell. “I tried talking to the hospitalist, but he just kept filibustering me on the phone for as long as he could, blabbering on about how there were no beds and thus he couldn’t admit the patient. Once he started reading Green Eggs and Ham to me, I just had to hang up. But what am I supposed to do? This patient needs to come in!”

“The problem is that, last year, administration decided to cut our number of inpatient beds by 25% and fire half our inpatient nursing staff so they could hire more administrators,” continued Dr. McConnell. “If we had those beds, then patients wouldn’t be waiting for hours to days in the ED to get seen and then another several days to get admitted. In fact, just the other day, we had a patient, Mr. M. Garland, leave without being seen after waiting in the waiting room for nearly a whole week!”

“I just hit my breaking point,” cried Dr. McConnell. “I don’t care about ‘tradition.’ I just want my patient admitted so I can clear up beds for other patients and get my patients the care they deserve! So I called up administration and said, ‘If you think you know so much about medicine then I’m going to make YOU care of this patient, NOW!”