The Rat King Archives
Cat and Mouse, Part II

Character(s)::
The RatAuthor::
Jeff HershStoryline::
What the Rat SawTitle
of Post:: Rats and Napkins

Rip! Shred!

"Almost there," the rat thought.

After he fought back the invading hand,
the rat decided on how he could try to communicate with these humans. It was
unfortunate none of them actually spoke the complex pantomime language that
rats and most rodents used to communicate with each other. For example, to most
humans the sequence *twitch* *clean whiskers* *twitch* *lick fur* *squeak* was
just typical rodent behavior. What they didn't realize that *twitch* *clean
whiskers* *twitch* *lick fur* *squeak* in fact meant "Look out, there is a
terrier out there. By the way, did you know about the pile of garbage outside
the tavern?" Nevertheless, the rat
knew he had better try to communicate somehow. That was when he decided on the
art of net topology. It was a good a choice as any.

Rip! Shuffle. Tear!

Almost there. Whoever's bag this was, the
rat was sure happy it was full of such wonderful stuff. In his wildest dreams
he never even considered such a horde.

Shuffle! Plink! Rip! Rip!

There, it was done. Now to alert the
humans. Taking a deep breath he rushed out of the bag to get some attention.

Character(s)::
KhyrisseAuthor::
Kristin L.K. AndersenStoryline::
Rats With Tails (and Without)Title
of Post:: The Attention of a Woman with Money

Khyrisse, meanwhile, had acquired a shot
of grain alcohol and a clean scrap of fabric from Kevin.
She wandered over, glancing at Flicker with
a mildly alarmed look. "You had a
DREAM about it...?" Shaking her
head as if to clear it, she set the shot on the table and turned to Jack.
"You'd better clean that out. Trust me,
you don't want to know what the rats in Lianth have been eating
lately." She was just reaching for
his hand with the alcohol-dampened rag when the rat jumped out of Jack's
satchel.

It was like a Tobrinese farce, with people
running around the bar after a loose rat. Jack tried not to laugh at the fat
chef with his weapon specialization in spatula. Jack was more concerned about
the notes in his satchel. The rat had chewed them up pretty well, but fortunately
the vital calculations were still intact. Jack didn't look forward to what
might happen if those were destroyed or altered.

Still, something was strange about the
seemingly random destruction caused by the rat's teeth and claws.

"I will baste you in honey butter,
you leetle monstair!" cried Ubert.

Kevin ducked as a cleaver flew across the
tavern, jamming itself into the door. Kayla took a position of security behind
Flicker.

"Wait a flarking minute..." Jack
muttered, folding a tattered brochure for Tharrfest. "Look at this! It's a
topological analog of a city map!"

"It's a brochure for Tharrfest,"
Kevin said.

"No, no..." Jack continued,
excited. "The pattern of chewing on here is clear inverse net topology!
The shape remaining is perfectly topologically equivalent to the wharf district
in Rumi!"

"I won't even ask how you can
recognize a map of the wharf district of Rumi," Kevin muttered. "It
looks like a chewed up Tharrfest brochure to me."

"No, don't you see... there could be
all sorts of messages here! That rat's trying to tell us something!"

"Aha! I have you now! Ubert is zee
victor 'ere!" Ubert suddenly cried.

Jack looked up to see Ubert slam a frying
pan hard at the cornered rat.

Character(s)::
Khyrisse and SkitchAuthor::
Kristin L.K. AndersenStoryline::
The Continuing Saga of a Rat with a MissionTitle
of Post:: Oh Grendel, This is Going to Hurt...

Khyrisse looked over Jack's shoulder at
the chewed-up mass of paper in his hands. She wasn't a topological expert, but
even she could see that it formed a deliberate pattern of some kind.

"Aha! I have you now! Ubert is zee
victor 'ere!" Ubert suddenly cried.

She looked up, startled, to see the frying
pan descending on the rodent author in question. "Skitch!!"

True to form, Skitch was already a step
ahead of her, right where she needed him to be. He dove under Ubert's frying
pan, grabbing the rat and rolling away.
Khyrisse winced and closed her eyes, anticipating the flurry of rat
bites that would surely ensue. Poor kid...

The rat squirmed up Skitch's sleeve in a
frantic attempt to escape from Ubert.
Though Ubert looked none too happy with the kid, he didn't bean him with
the frying pan, just flung his arms around in a Tobrinese furor. Flicker tapped
his hand on the bar. "Rumi," he said. "I suppose we could go and
check it out. It might be nice to do
something that doesn't involve the fate of the world for a change."

"Ow!" yelled Skitch, as the rat
scrabbled up his shoulder and poked its furry face out of his collar.

"Please tell me this doesn't involve
the fate of the world," Flicker beseeched the rat.

Character(s)::
The RatAuthor::
Jeff HershStoryline::
What the Rat SawTitle
of Post:: So this is how wars are started....

The rat climbed up the shirt sleeve of the
small human in a frantic panic. His instincts were in full swing and they told
him to flee. However, the rat knew he couldn't do so. He was here for a reason,
a reason that was just beyond his grasp. This angered the rat. After all, all
he wanted was a nice harem of female rats, a good supply of food and a place
free of cats. But no, that was not his luck. Not since... not since.. Damn! He
couldn't quite remember anymore. It was going from him like a dream within a
dream. All he could remember was the dry bones, the wet stone walls, and the
rats, lots and lots of rats.

Climbing up the small human's shirt, the
rat perched himself on the child's head. Maybe now he'd got their attention.
Maybe now they would understand.

Jack blinked uncomprehendingly at the rat.
"What is it, boy?" he asked. "Is Timmy in trouble? Down at the
well?"

Suddenly remembering that he wasn't
talking to himself, he looked around sheepishly.

"I, uh, don't speak rat," he
admitted.

"I don't think anyone speaks
rat," Kayla added.

"Too bad he doesn't speak
COBOL," Jack murmured.

"Why would he speak kobold?"
Kayla asked.

Jack decided it wasn't worth it. He put
his hand out to the rat. "We all seem to be willing to follow a rat,"
he said to the company. "Maybe we should put it down and see where he
leads us. Anyone know a quick route to Rumi?"

***

Meanwhile, in Rumi, a woman rubbed
sleep-encrusted eyes. Suddenly, sensing something, she sat straight.
"He's coming," she said.
"He's coming here." Her left
arm reached for the sword on the bedside table.
"This time, Eren Messala, things are going to be..."
She sliced the sword in a wide arc, embedding it in the bedpost. "Cut.
And. Dried."

Character(s)::
Khyrisse and SkitchAuthor::
Kristin L.K. AndersenStoryline::
Rats from RumiTitle
of Post:: The Mouse That Roared, This Ain't

Khyrisse reached behind her for her spiked
coffee and drank half of it. "I'll
bet that *clean whiskers* *run in circle* part means exactly what Flicker hopes
it doesn't," she said, smiling down into her cup.
"'Reason-to-Fret for
Everything'." She tossed back the
rest of it and set the mug carefully down on the bar.

Skitch shifted gently, careful not to
dislodge the rat, and straightened his tunic. "Did he rip my shirt? This
little guy's got some bad-ass claws..." he mumbled.

"I know a quick route to
anywhere," Khyrisse said, picking up the burgundy whip she'd carried in
with her. "But if I'm going to use it, I'd kind of like some help after
whatever this is is all done." She
looked around. "Where the heck is Rumi, anyway?"

It had happened again. One minute, he was
walking lazily down the street, whiskers twitching slightly in anticipation of
a full belly, and BAM! The world shifted. What had been a fairly deserted back
alley in a human city with tall shiny buildings became an even more deserted
main street in a human city with short wooden ones.

His first clue was the change in smell,
which was much more earthy and interesting than where he had been. It smelled
like real food and real things, with a slight touch of smoke to make it unique.
His next clue followed quickly, as the sounds of humans shouting (and
fighting?) came closer and closer. Figuring humans were the best way to find
out where he was, he slowly stalked down the street.

As he turned a corner, he spotted a group
of three humans, two toms and a bitch. They were arguing about something or
other, and he sat down patiently and listened, hoping that their
"caterwauling" would shed some light on his whereabouts. As he started
to patiently clean his foot, one of the toms looked down the street and noticed
him.

"Lookee, there's a healthy one. He
must have at least a meal on him fer each o' us." With this, the tom
started moving slowly towards him, playing the stalking game like a newborn
kit. He made ridiculous clucking noises as he did so, too, apparently in an
attempt to get his quarry's attention.

A meal for each of us?! I think NOT! With
this, he leapt up from his relaxed position and arched his back in his best
pose, spitting and hissing like a champion. As he glared at his would-be
predators, he let his demeanor and obvious fighting skill sink into them,
waiting for them to get the hint.

It didn't take long. Within seconds, the
three of them were running down the street, yelling at the top of their lungs.
"Aah! Run! Now it's a plague of rabies come down upon us! Geddouda my
waaaayyy!!!" They disappeared around a
corner almost instantly.

Well, that was mouseless. Maybe someplace
a little more relaxed would be in order.

Sniffing the air for a minute, he
eventually found a welcome aroma. Lamb!
It had been ages since he'd conned some lamb out of someone, and so,
that was just what the vet ordered. Following his nose, he came to a eatery of
sorts, with one of those useless sign-thingies proclaiming its identity. He
ambled cautiously inside, the door politely opening for him as he neared it.

***

Kevin looked up from the bar as the door
opened. "Man, that's weird. First it opens on its own, then it won't open
at all, and now it's opening for... a
cat. I've GOT to get someone to look at that."

The cat was about the size of a well-fed
housecat, with the extra bulk in muscle instead of pampered fat. He was
healthy, too, with no visible scars on his calico-mottled fur. His ears were
whole and perked forward, and his tail twitched almost appealingly as he looked
about the room.

Ubert cried out gleefully, "Oho!
Perhaps Monsieur Pussycat will make ze hors d'oeuvres from ze leetle rat!"
He gripped his frying pan tighter, but didn't make any moves towards the rodent
still perched on Skitch's head.

The cat looked at the rat, then at Ubert,
then at the rat again. Then he yawned, as if to say "You must be
joking." With almost a bored shrug, he ambled over to the group, looked up
at Kayla, and let out a long, lonely, miserable "Mrrowr!".

"Oh, you poor dear, you must be
starving. C'mon, punkin', let's get you something to eat." She scooped the
cat up into her arms, and whisked into the kitchen to look for some scraps. The
cat purred happily, snuggling close on her shoulder and almost...smiling...at
Flicker.

"On the Nylevian coast," Flicker
told Khyrisse. "Not far from here, though it's probably--a long walk for a
rat." His head turned after Kayla and the cat, not at all in the usual way
in which heads generally turned after Kayla. He paused that way for a second,
almost as if he were looking for something.

Character(s)::
The RatAuthor::
Jeff HershStoryline::
What the Rat SawTitle
of Post:: Cats and Rats, Rats and Cats

The rat just perched himself on the
human's head when he saw HIM. It was a cat, a large cat, and worst of all, a
HUNGRY cat. The rat knew this was not good. In the past he had been able to get
away from cats, but this one looked different... meaner... more of a
professional rat killer.

The rat's instincts were again telling him
to run, to get the hell out of here, and he was about to act on them. Suddenly,
he was grabbed by human hand with a characteristic rat bite on its finger.

Flicker watched Jack slip the rat deftly
into the safety of his satchel and click it shut. He suddenly wished someone
besides Khyrisse, an urchin, a mathematician, and a rat was going with him to
Rumi, but he shook it off without comment. "All right," he said, and
stood. "If Khyrisse doesn't mind, perhaps we can take her carriage."

Kayla returned from the kitchen with the
strange cat, who was purring in languid fashion. It looked at him and didn't
look away. He definitely wasn't imagining it; the cat was touching his mind
somehow. Flicker felt disquieted.
"Have fun," said Kayla, brightly.
"Don't get killed, OK?"

"I certainly hope I haven't survived
Shadow to be killed by a bunch of rats," said Flicker. He thought about
it, shrugged at her, and smiled a little. "Of course, stranger
things--have happened."

Character(s)::
Valende and VastarinAuthor::
Evan HaagStoryline::
We're On The Road To Rumi, Come On Let's RideTitle
of Post:: Two New Heroes

The door to the Mithril Dagger opened
again, normally this time. As it opened, the final few words of a conversation
in Elvish were heard.

"...if she is here at all. Frankly, I
think we're going to have to go it alone."

As heads turned to identify the speaker,
they noticed a pair of good-looking elves walk into the bar. Make that a
stunning pair of elves. The lady elf
was tall, brunette, and had the kind of figure that caused paladins to start
stocking up on condoms. Her eyes had more than a come-hither look to them; they
could convey whole paragraphs of her intentions. Her mouth, however, had a cute,
quirky little smile that said "Don't listen to my eyes; they lie like a
rug." She was wearing a well-tended suit of elven chain armor, and had a
longsword and a longbow within ready reach. Her boots had stylish little heels
on them, and her tunic was a daringly cut green and brown number that gave
every man something to pay attention to.

Her companion was striking as well, but in
a more roguish fashion. He was a brunette also, with sort of a manga-esque
sweep to his hair, and he wore blue and white leather armor which looked sort
of like clouds and a clear sky. His smile was his most obvious feature; he
looked like the sort of man who found some measure of amusement in just about
everything. It wasn't a malicious smile, though; it was obvious that he liked
to share his good times, especially with the ladies. His eyes touched lightly
upon Kayla and Khyrisse in turn, and he bowed slightly to each of them, his
smile shifting slightly with each as if to say "Don't worry; I won't tell
about us if you won't."

Kevin recognized the pair and said,
"Hi, Val, Vas. Luthien told me you might show up here. What'll it be, your
usual?" Kayla rolled her eyes at Vastarin, and pointedly turned away from
him to be a little closer to Flicker.

Valende glided over to the bar (followed
closely by Vastarin and the eyes of any males with a healthy interest in that
sort of thing) and nodded playfully. "Oh, Kevin, you always know just what
I want. What would I do in Lianth without you?" She leaned forward at the
bar, giving Kevin a healthy eyeful as she traced little patterns in the surface
of the bar.

Vastarin shook his head ruefully at his
companion's actions, and turned to the rest of the group. Approaching Khyrisse,
he asked her directly, "Pardon, gracious lady, but would you be the
sorceress Khyrisse Starshadow?"

The cat jumped off of Kayla's shoulder and
trotted over to Jack Paris. He purred a
bit, and started rubbing up against Jack's leg.

Kayla looked a bit annoyed, but then
shrugged and turned to Flicker, "Figures.
Trust a cat to change his mind faster than a Bryttani fishwife. I just
don't get it. YOU wouldn't give up such a comfy deal, would you?" She
glanced slightly towards Vastarin, making sure he got the implied message.

"Cats have brains the size of
walnuts," Flicker assured Kayla.
The cat looked at him balefully. "Well, I'm sorry, cat, but you
do." Flicker's facial expression did not change as Valende squeezed past
him to the bar and leaned way over it towards Kevin; Flicker's facial
expression never changed involuntarily, really, but he was especially glad of
it this time, particularly given the insights into the female perspective he
had recently inherited.
"Besides," he said, still to Kayla, "I think he has
ulterior motives." He indicated the
bag with the rat in it with his left hand. Jack put the satchel on the bar,
well out of the cat's reach. Vastarin kissed Khyrisse's hand; Flicker looked at
him for a second, and then said "Say, Kevin, you haven't heard anything
from Kieran Talbot in the past--eight months or so, have you?"

Kevin shook his head slowly. "Nope,
but then, the last time he was in here, he made the mistake of trying to pick
up Margrethe. I wouldn't be surprised if he was sleeping off a turning hangover
somewhere."

Jack kept one hand on the satchel. The cat
was looking at him like it wanted to say something, and Jack hoped it wasn't
asking for the Rat. He had become strangely fond of the little creature. And
animals didn't normally get along well with Jack, for what he knew were obvious
reasons."You aren't talking about a ghost bard, by any chance, are
you?" Jack asked.

"Yes, actually," Flicker nodded.
"He's a friend."

"There was a ghost bard named Kieran
on the coach I took from Talaria to the Northlands. Kind of a heavy drinker,
for a ghost." Jack could feel the
rat inside the satchel, but he didn't want to let it out while the cat was
right there. "Well, I'm happy to
go down to Rumi with you all, provided that I'm in on any work that comes our
way." Jack flicked two cards into his hand and held them out to the elves.
"I'm Jack Paris, by the way. My card."

The satchel squirmed impatiently, and Jack
opened it a little, watching the cat. The cat seemed to watch Jack with a calm
intelligence that unnerved him.