søndag den 22. august 2010

I am so SO sorry that I have been away for that long and eternally grateful that you all just kept on following. That's just wonderful!The reason I've been gone is not that complicated.Food has been too depressing to blog about, so therefore no blogging.

I'm fat and gaining and I have been lying to everybody (including myself) that it was okay, that I was okay. Somehow I really felt I was, okay, that is. I felt that I didn't care about weight and that I loved my "curves", but along came summer. A hot HOT summer, that required a very light dress code. Lose, lose, lose, situation: I'm fat in a bikini. Other girls are sexy in a bikini, and those who aren't -are fat, floppy and pale and I look just like them.EVERYTHING is triggering and it's quite depressing. Ah about that I have taken myself off the anti depressing pills and that's really great! I'm officially NOT depressed any more, and that's a relief! Depression is such a buzz kill.

I just spend a week on the island Malta. It was a family vacation without Thomas (because he's in Quatar for business) and therefore not a pure rush of action. But then again vacations aren't meant to be that I guess..

It was so hot on Malta, and our room was without aircon. I was melting, and by the end of the week I was just a puddle on the floor. Or, I would have been, if it wasn't for the pool. The feel of being in icy water in the midday sun (37C in DK terms) is indescribable. Pure bliss.The only problem is the walk of shame from the shaded lounger to the poolside. God I hate it, more than I hate when I can't find the calorie description. Fortunately the resort we stayed on was a family place so there weren't too many skinny girls with beady loathing eyes. Some, of course, but not a lot. The beach was worse, and we only went once.

The food was horrible! Fried, fried, fried! Lots of white bread, fat and bad service! Malta's kitchen sucks but at least that made me eat less.I b&p'ed once on fluffy taffy (DO NOT DO THAT! HURTS LIKE HELL) and ice tea. My throat was on fire the rest of the holiday. The rest of the time I just purged. Ice cream and stuff are hard to avoid, easy to dispose. I ate 3 meals a day, sometimes just 2, and they mostly consisted of:

And snacks: unsweetened ice tea/coffee/fruit/diet coke/ginger cookies from Nairns (48cals per biscuit) or nuts. And I drank in average 4L of water everyday.To get enough exercise was tricky because of the life-threatening heat, but I found the pool to be a somewhat acceptable solution. I guess I spend 20% of my day, every day, in water.

All in all a nice vacation with my mom, her fiancée and my baby sister. AND I maintained (or perhaps even jump started) my perfect 'skinny mission' routine. I missed you, welcome back.

So that's that lovelies! take care and type to you laterIf you have any questions, just ask

Note:

What "The Zero Effect" is, and what it isn't

Welcome to my blog. I decided to call my blog "The zero effect" because I wanted (and still do) to be a part of this particular phenomenon.

(Size zero is a women's clothing size believed to be equivalent to a UK size 4 or a European size 32.)I have always been fascinated by slender girls, mostly because my mom was a model when she was my age. My story with Eating Disorders goes way back... I was 12 when I first discorvered BED (Binge Eating Disorder). Later on my ED developed to "anorexia" tendencies -because I was overweight and the social problems that follows with overweight. It wasn't until I turned 15 bulimia took over my life. I have been in denial in alooong time, but now I 'm seeking treatment and trying to enjoy life.

This blog is not a PRO-ANA/MIA encourager in any way! I do not support that girls should destroy their lives and bodies in a calorie-hell (like me); however you will find thinspos and diets on this site -since that is my everyday...

All feedback is welcomed, and I have no intentions of deleting any of the things I post or any of the comments you guys post.

So, I hope you will enjoy the blog, and give me some constructive feedback.Thank you