Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My dad has surgery scheduled for 7/8/09 (wow! 7, 8, 9!) and will be flying to Texas (from Colorado) to see a specialist. He has a pseudo aneurysm in an abdominal artery. I think this might relate to a previous surgery, but I don't have all the dots connected with that yet. He had been having severe pain in his abdomen and, surprisingly, similar symptoms to me for the past year. He finally went in to have an MRI done and came back with those unnerving results. I'm quite taken aback and scared. My dad is the rock of the family and life without him would be like a tiny ship slamming to and fro at sea without a beacon. I've always felt like he was warm and safe and I can go to him with anything and come out feeling better.While I don't consider myself a spiritual person by any means, I will be devoting a lot of positive thoughts to him on the day of the surgery. I'm also not one to believe in signs, but sometimes the things he tells me makes me want to believe.He was riding his motorcycle up through the mountains about a week ago and first he turned a bend and came upon a huge stallion standing in the middle of the road without a person in sight. He rode a ways behind the horse and saw that he got to a safe place. A little ways further, he saw what had to have been a newborn deer off to the side of the road, wobbly legged and small. He saw the deer made it safely away from the road. And YET AGAIN a little ways further up the road, saw a large deer off to the side. When he was telling me it seemed like a dream and I could picture all of these things happening to him. Amazing!I have to analyze...Stallion: Strength and power; Baby deer: Innocence, new beginnings; Adult deer: Growth, stability. Like I said, he makes me WANT to believe in signs. And a hell of a set of signs these would be!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Within the last week, I picked up my cousin and her son at the airport, played host to my new guests, assisted in the planning, shopping and execution of a bachelorette party, enjoyed a pool party/barbeque, worked my usual schedule, managed to squeeze one trip to the gym in, enjoyed the kittens who are now walking quite well, and taken very little time to breathe. Or read. And I miss reading. (On the second book of the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon)The bachelorette party was quite the success and I suppose I'll focus this post on the festivities because I believe they were quite unique. Avert your eyes if you are squeamish about the word "penis" because that was our theme, and boy-howdy we sure had a lot of that going on.Cool stuff:1. Buy bride-to-be a plain white t-shirt, create some fashionable tears, write "$uck for a Buck" across the chest area and sew gummy Lifesavers in various regions of the shirt (from nips to butt to armpits). This will help fund the excessively expensive party at least somewhat. It allows guests to eat a candy off the shirt for a dollar. (We only had girls at the party; this might get a little too grabby if you take it to a club or something...yuck!)2. Buy a Playgirl and choose about 10-15 nudies and post them in surprising places (i.e. behind the bathroom door, in the fridge, behind curtains) and watch the shock as each of them are found.3. Pin the "macho" on the man. We bought the "Macho Man" at Castle Boutique. Give away a naughty prize to the winner.4. Bobbing for testicles. Ok, it's actually not as bad as it sounds. This takes some pre-party preparation but it was a guest favorite and very unique idea. You need an apricot for each person, a roasting stick for every two people, and some fishing string. Tie two apricots on a roasting stick with fishing string close enough together that they resemble..you know. Have each guest choose a teammate. Line the guests up in a row; one teammate is holding the stick, the other is on their knees in front of their partner. The goal is to eat your apricot, switch partners, have them eat their apricot and which ever team finishes chewing first wins. Again, naughty prize.5. The bride-to-be for our party was recently divorced, and before starting her new life, we wanted to get rid of her old life. Her ex husband was a cheating swine and there is a lot of animosity between them. We decided to make a straw doll of the ex, tape a picture of him to the head, bring it outside and light it up! We also asked guests to bring over memorabilia from previous relationships that they'd like to get rid of. (i.e. dried roses, love notes, packs of cigarettes, whatever reminds you of the offender). We burned the hell out of 'em! It was a very therapeutic event. Also note: In above photo the fire outline is in the shape of a penis.6. I played bartender and since the b2b is a red head, I decided to cater the drinks in a humorous way and make the drink of the night "Red Headed Sluts" 1 part Jager, 1 part Peach Schnapps, 3 parts cranberry juice. I don't drink because of UC, but seems all the girls had a good laugh and enjoyed the drinks.7. Penis shaped cakes. They sell the cake molds at Castle Boutique as well.That's about it; it was a really great time, and pretty low budget considering what people typically pay for parties of the sort.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

I'll be the first to admit that I can be a whiner from time to time. I complain about crap and, if I'm not feeling terribly ambitious, I don't put much effort forth to fix problems.Today I was driving to meet a friend for lunch when I happened upon a scene that literally made me clap my hands in respect for my fellow man.In the heat of midday there was a truck broken down in the middle of an intersection. The driver was out pushing and attempting to steer through so cars could pass and he could get the hell out of the way. In seconds I then saw two brave souls jump from their respective vehicles and head to the back of his truck to help him finish the job.Out of the 50 or more people being agitated, two people had the mind to take action. I have a huge amount of respect for people that watch out for each other and fix problems when they come across them rather than just bitching about it until someone else takes care of it, or it works itself out.I grew up around a rather rough crowd; lots of people who had visited jail or prison, or who really really should have. I got to thinking that even the dirtiest low down class of people will help you out when you're in a bind, despite that their true colors tend to be a bit tarnished. It kicks ass to see when the cogs fall into place and humans are being human. This was one of those times where I felt a little glimmer of hope for humanity, despite the ratio being 50+:2

Monday, June 8, 2009

Over the weekend I saw the new Disney/Pixar movie "UP". Yes, I am a bit of a cartoon fanatic and I must say, I totally loved it! Rich and I went to the theater and checked it out and if anyone knows Richard, they will say he is an avid hater of movies and most especially movie theaters.Here is Richard when talking about movie going: "Ugh! There are people there. And they make noises. OHMYGOD are they ever going to stop putting their hand in that popcorn bag?! That kid has sniffled like twenty times already! This is like the third time I have to pee...they must be putting something in the soda. When you worked at the theater, did they put extra stuff in the soda to make you pee? It's a conspiracy to make me go out into the lobby and buy more snacks! Blah blah blah!"He is a pain in the arse to see movies with, but even HE, Almighty Hater of Movies, enjoyed this one and was very well behaved considering most of the other patrons were below the age of 6 and made gurgling noises regularly.The characters were likable, the theme was one that an adult could enjoy and relate to and the villain wasn't played out. Home run, Disney!

Friday, June 5, 2009

It seems like only yesterday I stayed up hours into each night playing you, and finally, upon sleeping, dreaming about how to fit the blocks created in my mind. Then, upon waking, daydreaming about how to fit the daydream blocks into their proper nooks and crannies. You are now celebrating 25 years. You're all grown up, a year older than I, in fact. I just wanted to take this time to say thank you for the enrichment you have bestowed upon my life. I can pack boxes and cram things into tiny spaces like none other and it's all because of you, darling.I look forward to many golden years of countless pointless hours we'll spend together.All My Love,

Monday, June 1, 2009

We got our first ripe tomato off the vine today! Pulled it right off, sliced it from top to bottom and devoured it with a dash of salt. The garden is now officially fruitful.I'm also seeing bright yellow petals on the sunflowers, very developed ears on the corn and some bulbs on the pumpkin vines. Huzzah!

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About Me

It slices! It dices! And it makes French fries three different ways! I'm a human and I do human things. I live in Phoenix, AZ with my grumpy old man Richard and our cat, Jari and our dogs, Dakota (a Shiba Inu), Menka, an adorable, neurotic, small mutt, and Rosie the best aggressively attention seeking lovebug around.
I started this blog because I enjoy writing. It shall be a tale of my wobbliness and chasing-parked-cars attempts at staying afloat and maybe surprising myself from time to time.
I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2006 and I'm living with it. That being said, you will become very comfortable talking about poop and other such indecencies. Consider it a growing experience.
I also have a LOT of family; I'm the oldest of five kids. One side of my family are brazen hill billies and the other side are city slickers. This has melded me into quite the little oddball, but I sure get by alright.