3/31/09

So, you’re the chief wellness officer of the Wellness Institute at the Cleveland Clinic, huh?

Okay, then. Shoot.

“Listening to finer music...

Hold on. Because you’re presumably someone with a scientific background, I’d like to ask you one quick question: How did you go about defining “finer” as it pertains to music? See, the reason I ask is because without a proper definition, i.e., some quantifiable differences between types (styles, aesthetics, philosophies?) of music, whatever you say next will be inherently flawed.

Hello?

“Listening to finer music and attending concerts on a consistent basis...

The same goes for the terms “attendance,” “concerts” and “consistent.”

...makes your real age about four years younger,” Dr. Michael F. Roizen — the chief wellness officer of the Wellness Institute at the Cleveland Clinic, said recently.

Uh-huh. So if I smoke four year’s worth of crack, but attend finer music concerts consistently, I’ll be my normal age? Sweet. [puff, puff]

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Dr. Roizen is one of a number of [cough] experts, Matthew Gurewitsch of the NY Times quotes in his recent article, presumably titled by a junior high school yearbook editor:

5
comments:

Gustav
said...

E--Crack use is only cured by strolls through mid-century, architectural museums on a semi-bi-annual basis. Finer music concert attendance really is best served for social diseases and irritable bowel syndrome. Recent studies have also shown that certain cancers are cured by close proximity to truly righteous individuals wearing funny hats. And for the vain amongst us, by not swearing, blaspheming, and some combination of not gambling, drinking coke but not pepsi, and updating wikipedia at least one a month while crooning Pat Boone songs, you reduce the risk of crow's feet, back hair, hang nails, having pickle juice shoot in your eys, and that feeling of nausea from eating at Denny's.

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