July 1, 2012

Apparently,no one told Rajiv that out of the 33 million ways a guy can get screwed,falling in love always bags the gold medal in that list.You see,no one could have told him.Since just like him,everybody else grew up being fed on the same fantasy of every Prince finding her Princess Charming somewhere in a land not so far,far away.So through 26 years of his life,Rajiv patiently waited.The door would open one day.His angel would come in.In a pure,white sleeveless resplendent gown,with happy kids running behind her.Her silhouette framed against a blinding,white light.The kids would merrily run past her into the room,while she would remain standing in the doorway.The moment freezes,the whole world freezes,an Indie music starts playing on cue.He and she would spend what would seem like an eternity just staring at each other.And finally,after the wait, which had taken every ounce of faith our hero had, to endure,they would be in each other's arms.Finally.

That was the dream.

But well,reality always has some other,usually devious scheme cooking up its sleeves.And in Rajiv's case,the scheme started cooking in providence's kitchen six years ago.

2006
FB youngsters probably wouldn't know that there existed another site in the cave-dwelling age of social networking called Orkut.It was a rage then.It was what America was to Columbus,Theory of Relativity was to Einstein,and 'Eureka' was to Archimedes.Youngsters in India opened up their arms to this discovery which enabled them to reconnect with forgotten buddies and forge connections with new ones.Online friendships suddenly became a reality and newspapers started frowning over how these were hampering "real" relationships.But soon,some loser started stalking some girl,another posted morphed pictures of someone else,and soon online friendships got fried,ended and shipped off to Also-Ran-ville.

In these tumultuous times,Rajiv and Rashmi met.Through (surprise,surprise) Orkut.Scraps got exchanged for hours,parents raised suspicious eyebrows,friends started pulling legs,even the girl's kid brother joined in the fun,taking pot-shots at his sister.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~Orkut scrap December 2007
Rashmi: My bro is a nuisance!!! :-( He starts acting up whenever he sees me chatting with you...
Rajiv: He knows we are up to something,eh? :-P
Rashmi: We are up to something? :-O
Rajiv: What? I was planning to elope with you tonight!!!
Rashmi: LOL. And afterwards..when my parents file a missing diary and the cops catch us..I will tell them you kidnapped me. Chalega? ;-)
Rajiv: Duh! :-( I was hoping,we would be on the run. Sleeping in deserted buildings. On cold floors. Eating while sitting on the pavements. You feeling weak and numb. I carrying you in my arms like a doting lover.All that adventure.And I would just pat you to sleep with a kiss on your forehead. Kiss-napping. ;-) If you like..
Rashmi: Why would you go to so much trouble? :-D You have a crush on me or something? ;-)
Rajiv: Anything I can I do to wash away any doubts regarding that? :-P
Rashmi: Just one simple thing. Go have a crush on someone else..:-D
Rajiv: And in this way folks,Rashmi deals Rajiv's cherished hopes a 'crushing' defeat.*Ouch*
Rashmi: Hahahaha! Go hang yourself!!

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~July 2008 Rashmi and Rajiv on phone
Rajiv: Life's funny,huh? 15 months ago,did you dream that we might be dating one day?
Rashmi : Life is like a dream, Rajiv.
Rajiv : Do you think we may be in love?
Rashmi : I dunno. Certainly seems a lot likely these days.
Rajiv : Must you go abroad? I mean,can't you do post graduation in India itself?
Rashmi: Rajiv,3 universities have accepted my application. Dad is gonna kill me if I back out now.
Rajiv: Ok.But I thought maybe you should know.
Rashmi: What?
Rajiv: Never mind.
Rashmi: What is it,tell me...
Rajiv: Drop it.
Rashmi: Umm..ok..if you say so. Say,want to watch Dark Knight tomorrow?
Rajiv: Yep.Sure ,why not? Might just be our last outing any way.
Rashmi : Last? I ain't flying before August.
Rajiv : Yep. But I have to go. Infosys called. Have to be in Mysore by the end of July.
Rashmi: I..I don't..
Rajiv: Hmm?
Rashmi: Never mind. Best of luck. Study hard during the training. I heard Infosys has a grueling training session.
Rajiv : Yeah,I guess. Anyway..See you at the movies, tomorrow.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~December 2009 Gtalk
Rajiv : So this guy has you floored,huh? :-D Awesome. Told your folks yet.
Rashmi: Umm..yes..But mom and dad don't approve.
Rajiv: Why? :-O
Rashmi: Well,firstly Aman is a Punjabi. Culture differences. Plus he is six two. I am five three. Mom fears I will get a neck sprain looking up to him all the time.
Rajiv: LOL. Or Aman might get spondylitis bowing down to you all the time. :-P Either way...Houston,we have a problem! ;-)
Rashmi: Houston? What's that?
Rajiv: Ohh, it is an expression. Like when Apollo 13 was having it's fuel tanks busted in outer space, the astronaut on board used this line 'Houston,we have a problem.' This line is now jokingly used to refer to any difficulty.
Rashmi: Hahahaha! Yeah. I guess my love story is kinda like the Apollo 13 shuttle.Doomed to get lost in outer space.
Rajiv: :-D
Rashmi: :-D So you say,found anybody yet?
Rajiv: Yeah and no.
Rashmi: Yeah and no?
Rajiv : There is this gal, Amrita who I think kinda sorta likes me, but..she is committed.
Rashmi: Shucks. :-(
Rajiv: I know,right? :-D So anyway, how is the weather in Worcester?
Rashmi: It's snowing. I made a snowman today. Named it Dork. :-)
Rajiv: :-D Why? Coz it reminded you of me?
Rashmi: Maybe. :-) How is Pune,btw? Lots of chicks?
Rajiv: More like married hens. ;-) All the time accompanied by their roosters.
Rashmi: LOL.:-D And you didn't find a hen to tie the knot with yet?
Rajiv: If I did, that would have been on my FB wall by now. ;-)
Rashmi: Right,right! You can't keep any secrets from FB..can you now?

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~October 2010 Facebook
Rajiv: What's with all the sad sucky updates lately? Everything ok,na?After five minutes of no response.
Rajiv: Hellooooooooo!!!!??????
Rashmi: Aman and I broke up.
Rajiv: What? :-O
Rashmi: Last month.
Rajiv: What?Why didn't you tell me anything?
Rashmi: You hardly come on FB or Gtalk these days. And anyway,what's the use?
Rajiv: You talked about this to any body?
Rashmi: Who's there? :-( I am the only Indian in this blasted place. And all my friends from school and college are happily busy with their own lives. Shucks! I should never have come to this country... :-( :-(
Rajiv: You want to talk about what happened? Might make you feel better.
Rashmi: Forget it. I will get out of it. Just need some time,that's all.You tell .How's work? Your project still making you stay late in office?
Rajiv: Hang my work! Rashmi, please don't let this eat you up inside. Tell me. Tell somebody. Don't let it burn inside you,dammit!!
Rashmi: Aman was cheating on me.
Rajiv: Shit!!

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~November 2010 Gtalk
Rajiv: And so this bowler gal comes up to the umpire and says with a puppy face 'You can't call of my over now.I have only one ball left!' And the umpire looks down at her flat chest and says ,'Yep.And I declare it a no-ball' :-P
Rashmi: Isssshh!!!!!!That's just plain gross!!!!!!!
Rajiv: You mean even by my standards??? :-P :-D
Rashmi: :-P Yep. Even by those.
Rajiv: :-D
Rashmi: Btw,thanks Rajiv. I really mean it. :-)
Rajiv: Thanks? :-D For that stupid joke?
Rashmi: Nopes.For everything you did to sort out my shit. :-)
Rajiv: Hey c'mon! It was nothing. ;-)
Rashmi: Ok. If listening to me rant over Skype till 3 a.m. in the morning was nothing ,then ok. :-) Thanks for doing nothing, Rajiv.
Rajiv: I would have stayed awake the whole night, if you had wanted me to. ;-)
Rashmi: You already did so much over the last month. I mean, I would never have been able to do so much.Returning from office at 12 a.m and then listen to a mad gal rant her ass off till 3 a.m. Almost every day.
Rajiv: So much of praise.*blush blush* :-P
Rashmi: :-D
Rajiv: You really liked that guy,Aman,huh?
Rashmi: I cried myself to sleep for one week after the break-up,Rajiv. :-( So yeah,I did fall for him hard.
Rajiv: Ever considered falling for me, in stead?? :-P Then cheat on me with someone else? Scores equalize. Rashmi V/S Boys. Life is beautiful and fair again. :-D
Rashmi: You!!!!! :-D
Rajiv: Totally me. ;-)

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~March 2011 FB
Rashmi: You have to pull your dumb self out of this, Dumbledore!!
Rajiv: :-( I dunno. It's just..I'm trying to find someone. It's been so long.And still no sign of her.I feel so stupid these days. That I once thought that there may be someone out there just meant to be with me.
Rashmi: Rajiv,there are other stuff besides love.
Rajiv: Yeah. Those are not looking good either. You know as the Friends song goes...my life is stuck in second gear. Stuck. Totally stuck.
Rashmi: You don't like your office?
Rajiv: I don't like Pune anymore.
Rashmi: Why?
Rajiv: Something happened.
Rashmi: A girl?
Rajiv: Maybe.
Rashmi: Knew it!
Rajiv: Yeah.So give yourself a pat on the back!
Rashmi: Spare me the sarcasm. :-) Have you given a thought to switching jobs?
Rajiv: I have.It's just..I don't feel the drive to do anything about it.
Rashmi: You should.
Rajiv: Make me.
Rashmi: How? :-O
Rajiv: I dunno. Figure out something.
Rashmi: Hmm.. How about I send you something? A gift. Will you promise me you'll get your lazy ass to search for another job? :-P
Rajiv: Sounds interesting. ;-)
Rashmi: Deal,then?
Rajiv: Ha ha! I know you ain't gonna send anything. You are sitting in US for Chrissakes.
Rashmi: ;-) Don't bet on it.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~May 2011 Gtalk chat
Rashmi: But I sent that parcel two months ago!! :-( It can't take that long,right?
Rajiv: :-( Well,I guess the parcel should have reached me by now.
Rashmi: I triple checked your address. :-( I even called you before dispatching it.Shit!
Rajiv: What did the parcel contain any way? I know you wanted it to be a surprise,but since I may not receive it anyway...
Rashmi: It was a tie clip with a beautiful ornate design. It even had an elegant R inscribed on it. It wasn't much. But I felt it would look good when you wear a tie to office.:-(
Rajiv: ;-) Yep. That cute chic in my office was eyeing it today. It sure gets attention.
Rashmi: What? You got that parcel? :-D
Rajiv: You bet! Arrived last week itself. But then I thought,let's mess with you a little bit.See how you react. :-P
Rashmi: :-) You!!!!! You almost made me very very sad. Did you know that?
Rajiv: Hah aha! :-) Well, I tend to do that to people. Btw, thanks a lot. The clip really looks good on one blue tie I have. The contrast is pretty eye-catching. You really didn't need to send me any gift though.
Rashmi: Yes,I did.:-) Now get your lazy bum to get you a new job,Dumbledore!!!!
Rajiv: :-D Aye aye, captain.I will tell my future self to parcel me a new job right away!!!
Rashmi: :-D Bye,Rajiv. I need to turn in a paper tomorrow. So goodnight,ok?
Rajiv: :-) Sure.Bye.

Rajiv closed the lid of his laptop and leaned back in his chair,eyes focused on the ceiling of his room. He wondered how the tie clip would look against a blue tie.Since neither did he have a blue tie,nor did he receive any parcel. But he was grateful to her. She finally gave him what he needed to kick himself out of the rut he was in and start looking for a new job.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~June 2011 Gtalk Voice Chat
Rashmi : You get a job in Kolkata and I get to see it from FB? Screw you!!
Rajiv : He he.Sorry.I just was caught up in a lot of things lately.So couldn't chat with you in the meantime.
Rashmi : I am so glad you finally got a job in our city. How long have you been away? 3 years,right?
Rajiv: Yeah. I wish you were in Kolkata too.
Rashmi : No chance there,I am afraid. This PhD is gonna take my entire life to complete,it seems.
Rajiv: Rashmi,have you ever wondered what it would be like...if you never went away and I didn't go to Infosys?
Rashmi: Plenty of times.
Rajiv: And?
Rashmi: And nothing,Rajiv. No point brooding over what might have been. We are here.We are now.And life will take us somewhere.
Rajiv: Right,right.But still,I can't help thinking sometimes.
Rashmi : And what do you think, Mr.Basu? Having me as Mrs.Basu?
Rajiv : Why not? We would have two little kids.The girl would have your eyes and nose. The boy would have my chin and forehead.
Rashmi : Can we keep a dog too?
Rajiv: Sure. I was just about to say that. An Alsatian? We will name her Sheila.
Rashmi : I was thinking a Cocker Spaniel. And it would be a 'he'. I don't want the neighborhood mongrels hitting on our dog.
Rajiv: Ohh c'mon. Those roadatians wouldn't stand a chance anyway.Sheila would have 'class'.
Rashmi : Umm..let's change the topic. You make the prospects too tempting.
Rajiv: Ohh...ok..By the way, did anyone tell you you look way better on the webcam than in person?
Rashmi: Almost everybody,Dumbledore!! My mom sometimes says I should stay here in US forever. I look way better in Skype. Can you believe that?

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~September 2011 Gtalk chat
Rajiv: So this guy is doing PhD there too,huh?
Rashmi: Yep.And I think we kinda like each other.He is very easy to talk to. We share a lot of stuff.
Rajiv: Gr8. :-) So how long has it been?
Rashmi: About four months or so.Hey,did you know,Aman called yesterday?
Rajiv: What? What for?
Rashmi: Umm..I dunno..I think he wants a second chance.
Rajiv: What have you thought?
Rashmi: I am gonna say No.We were together for almost 2 years and he just went ahead and two-timed me.I don't think I can ever take him back.
Rajiv: But you still have feelings for him,right?
Rashmi: :-) I dunno what I have for anyone,right now.
Rajiv: Including me? ;-)
Rashmi: :-) Maybe you are an exception, Dumbledore! A rare one.
Rajiv: :-D

And things sped up to 2012. Three things happened to Rajiv by then.
He was back in his hometown, Kolkata.
He was becoming fatter by the day,thanks to his mother feeding him three times the food she thought he missed out on while staying away from her.
And he realized he was in love.
But epiphanies are funny things. Sometimes they come when they are least expected. Sometimes they come when they are most needed.And sometimes,they come to screw up everything.