“It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

―

John Green

==============

Ok.

This is actually a business post … well … a thought piece about how an individual gains their own business acumen and belief system.

Let’s assume you come from a working family. Your mom and dad worked. Maybe one of them was in a managerial position. If that is how you grew up you watched and gained some business beliefs from them. Their successes often dictate how we view gaining success.

And then … well … you grow up. You gain your own business experience and there comes a time when your own experience permits you to view your parent’s experience & views.

I would suggest that this is actually the third phase in the parent/child dynamic in Life.

The first?

There is the point in time when all of a sudden you realize your parents are human. That isn’t business … that is Life.

I wrote about this in a post called ‘the slippery slope of embellishment’ in which good parents, with good hearts and good intentions get trapped on the slippery slope. If parents are not very very careful they can step onto this slope early on in their children’s lives and if they are not careful to nip the embellishment in the bud at a key point that little nugget of ‘not exactly truth’ has become a seed that will grow in their child’s minds to become the ‘super human’ aspect of a child viewing their parents.

It is natural and there almost always comes a time when we face up to the fact most parents do the best they can but didn’t always get it right or even live their own lives quite right.

The second.

Then there are our 20’s when most of us stumble our way through the career gauntlet gaining some business experience … good & bad … where most of the time we think we know more than our bosses and everyone else only to be continuously proven that is not actually so.

For the most part this is a separation from parent influence as you just have to deal with most shit on your own with some key interactions <at most> for guidance.

The third?

Then there comes a time … usually in early to mid 30’s … where your experience kicks in and if you are rising in business leadership you start understanding your own style, acumen and belief system.

Let’s just say that this is the time when you have worked your way through most of what business demands of you and you have decided how you want to deal with it, manage it and get what you want out of it.

This almost always forces a family choice. This is because your decided path, or how you may walk on that path, may not be exactly what your parent’s is.

Sometimes you can quietly ignore it and figure out a way to walk in the gray and then there sometimes comes a point in which Life places a spotlight on the choice – embrace your mother or father’s view or your own.

This is the moment when you are an adult and for some reason the spotlight of Life forces you to view the flaws of your parents, or either your father or mother, and you are faced with the fact they had some hollowness you had chosen to overlook or maybe you actually realize that while they brought you up, with their best intentions, to believe Life should be lived a certain way … you have come to believe Life should be faced a different way.

This is the moment you have a family choice to make.

If you have half a brain you have been dancing around the issue for a while. Embracing some aspects just to keep them happy, embracing some others because … well … they had got you where you are today … and ignoring some others simply because you think they are stupid, old fashioned or just plain wrong.

But then you get faced, and forced, with the choice.

You get forced mostly because all of a sudden you become representative of someone else’s business beliefs and acumen. You become an agent of what they believe and do … whether you actually believe it or do it.

Well.

A couple things can happen and I would suggest they are mostly sequential.

The first is you, as an experienced 30something, try to influence your parents’ behavior and beliefs. You attempt to pick away at what you construe as some of the more heinous aspects to get them closer to your acumen.

You do this almost always under the guise of “times have changed and this is more likely to work.” Sometimes this works … more often it does not.

But you gotta try.

The difficulty is you will not win all of them and you end up either focusing on the ‘wins’ while blinding yourself from the ‘sins’ or you get some ‘wins’ on the less meaningful things and still get slimed by the more meaningful ‘sins.’

The second is you, as an experienced 30something, try to distance yourself from the parent’s behavior & beliefs.

The difficulty here is that distance in distancing is almost always the key. Proximity screws you. Especially if you go your own way, pave your one pathway … and it ends up too near your parent’s path.

And to be sure … all of this gets cloaked in your personal relationship with the parent. It gets cloaked in family ties & ‘blood’, maybe some guilt in that you know they had best intentions, possibly feel some debt in that you know they helped you get t where you are today and then finally do you have a close personal relationship or not.

All of these things sound, in typing, as easy things to assess and decide upon … uhm … but it is family. It is a parent. It is the one “who brung you to the party.”

Well.

Let me clarify that last thought.

I would suggest most people reach their 30’s having taken one of two paths with regard to family:

You got to where you were by following what you had been taught and tied to your parent’s business ideology, acumen and beliefs.

You got to where you were by rebelling against everything your parents had stood for, believed and ideology.

Regardless of how you got there I could argue that your parent ‘brung you to the party’ either by showing you the way or shoving you away. Therefore when decision time arrives you gotta face who brought you to the party.

It ain’t easy.

Because my father passed away before I hit my business stride I never had to deal with it … but I know I would have.

I cannot envision how difficult it would be to say “no, that is not right.”

Or.

“no, I want to do it this way.”

Or.

“no, you shouldn’t do that.”

It is the family choice.

But maybe it is more about what is right or wrong for ‘self.’ And that is the choice … because family will have wandered down the business path of Life having defined right & wrong in a certain way … and, yet, you, individually, have crafted a business path with a slightly different right & wrong.

The semantics between the two become real – especially if it all takes place publicly.

Interestingly I thought about this after I wrote my ‘in this time, at this place, I will be defined’ post. In this time, and in this place, I believe more 30somethings are being forced to take a stand … and often versus their father, mother or older generation.

I call it a family choice.

And I imagine it is a hard choice.

And I imagine I can really only say one last thing … the future resides in the hands, hearts & minds of the 30somethings. They should make a stand for what they believe is right, or wrong, even if it forces a family choice.

President Trump sent out a tweet saying “Venezuela should allow Leopoldo Lopez, a political prisoner & husband of @liliantintori (just met w/ @marcorubio) out of prison immediately.”

How about this one:

President Trump on Thursday signed legislation ending the Office of Surface Mining’s Stream Protection Rule

The rule is among the most controversial environment regulations the former administration put together. The coal mining industry said it would be costly to implement and lead to job losses across the sector, which is already suffering from a market-driven downturn in demand for its product.

Environmentalists supported the administration rule, saying it would protect waterways from pollution and preserve public health. They have criticized the GOP for repealing environmental rules in the name of supporting coal mining jobs, but doing little else to help displaced workers in mining areas.

Or how about this one:

A strong majority of Americans say the U.S. economy is running strong and most believe the upward trend will continue under President Trump, according to a Harvard-Harris poll.

The survey found that 61% view the economy as strong, against 39% who say it is weak.

A plurality, 42%, said they believe the economy is on the right track, versus 39% who said it is on the wrong track.

Now.

The economy aside, Americans have a far more pessimistic view of the nation’s trajectory as a whole, with only 34% saying the country is on the right track, against 52% who say things are headed in the wrong direction <but, as I have noted before, at any given point in our history the majority of Americans are perpetually dissatisfied with the direction of the country>.

Look.

Whether you agree with his actions or not, in that time Trump has accomplished the following:

Freezing all federal hiring outside of the military <trying to take steps to shrink government spending>

Withdrew a motion filed by Obama seeking to allow men to use women’s bathrooms.

Barring U.S. government funding <tax payer’s money> to international non-governmental agencies that promote or perform abortions

Ordered federal agencies to cut two regulations for every new one they propose – decreeing that the net cost of any new regulation that is added after cutting the old regulations should be zero.

Putting out an Executive Order asking the DOJ and Homeland Security to withhold “federal funds, except as mandated by law” from sanctuary cities.

Approving the Dakota Access Pipeline and the Keystone Pipeline.

Killing the Trans-Pacific Partnership Trade Deal.

Ordering the government to “exercise all authority and discretion available to them” to delay the law and grant exemptions to Obamacare

Ordering the construction of the Mexico border wall.

Selecting Neil Gorsuch for the Supreme Court.

I could point out that most of these are quasi-empty proclamations having some agency ‘review, report or consider’ with regard to existing practices and that any serious legislation has not even been proposed let alone implemented … but I will not.

Some shit is being done despite the appearance of a clown car careening down the road.

You know what?

Take away Trump talking <press conferences, foreign leader press announcements, the absurd filming of signing mostly PR ‘orders’, & tweets> we would look at this first month as maybe one that is simply an administration struggling to get its feet under it … but doing some small stuff while it gets its shit together.

No one will dispute that somehow his words on the campaign trail tapped into a % of Americans who had felt like they, and their thoughts, had been ignored … and many of his actions could be construed in some ways as ‘delivering on promises he made to this smaller group of people.”

The majority may not like it all but to that group he is certainly delivering upon his words.

Republicans overwhelmingly overlook all the trappings and focus solely on what they see as ‘actions they agree with.’

Even original skeptics, while remaining skeptical because of the trappings, remain hopeful as conservative actions appear on the horizon.

The struggle with the actual actions is everything gets cloaked in … well … Trump slime.

Trump slime distorts the real things.

It exaggerates good, diminishes bad, is made up of a unique formula of uncertainties & lack of clarity, offers alternatives <facts & universes> and serves to only create difficulties in exactly describing what is, and isn’t, actually happening.

While accomplishing some things, which if discussed like a normal human being everyone would be fine with, the abnormal human being <called our President> say things like : “I don’t think there’s ever been a president elected who in this short period of time has done what we’ve done” and … “we are running like a fine tuned machine.”

There are a couple problems with this.

The first is that we have eyes & ears. We can actually see what is going on and we can hear what people are saying <Trump included>.

The second?

Uhm.

Unfortunately for him his immediate predecessor achieved a lot more … as did others who actually prepared for day one legislation. But that really doesn’t matter … he is doing enough and making it look hopeful enough that a large swath of America is hanging on to the hope that despite the Trump slime good things will happen for America.

I imagine my point here is that we all know someone at work whose biggest fan is himself/herself. They exaggerate all their contributions and diminish & deflect any blame or negatives. Those people make it really difficult to compliment. Our first instinct is to try and deflate <or ‘right-size’> accomplishments so that even good gets diminished so it doesn’t get exaggerated. Unfortunately this sometimes means that even when credit is due the person has just made it hard for us to WANT to give them credit.

This is Trump <and media should take note of this>.

But going back to that Trump slime.

That slime is often discussed in a weird way. Weird in that his surrogates pound on the table adamant that he is ‘delivering on what he promised’ as if that is proof everyone should be comfortable.

Yeah.

What they seem to be missing is that for almost 60%+ of America, I would even imagine it being up to almost 75% if I include those who voted for him grudgingly, our only hope was that his campaign ‘promises’ were simply stupid rhetoric and not what he would actually do.

In fact … I could point out that many of these same surrogates tried to convince us we shouldn’t focus on what he says literally <oh, how wrong they were> but rather metaphorically … and then translated what he really meant to say <which they are still doing … which is slightly troubling to those of us who seem to want to demand I have a leader who can say something and we understand it>.

In fact, if anything, Trump’s first month in office, has been even more bombastic, hollow, untruthful & destructive to core institutions & values of America than the Trump of the campaign trail would have prepared us for <who would have ever thought that could be possible after that heinously negative campaign>.

I am certainly not suggesting that there are not some “…. people across the country are recognizing these actions. Outside the bubble of Washington and the coastal cronies of the mainstream media, Americans are embracing a leader who speaks their language and acknowledges their problems.”

<albeit I think that lazy rhetoric of Washington and mainstream media as ‘the enemy’ crap is … well … lazy and simplistically untrue>

In fact.

Fulfilling his promises does not show the actions of a skilled CEO but rather a bumbling overwhelmed CEO focused on showing action to try and cover up incompetence and cover up the fact there is no plan <domestic or foreign>.

But that is nether here nor there for today.

Because even bumbling incompetent CEO’s can do some things right in a flurry of ‘doing shit.’

As Trump and his clown car careen between appalling and appealing all within a deeply flawed thin skinned, selfish, vain, bullying character … he remains one thing on a consistent basis – the antithesis of the highly polished ineffective politician who carefully calculates their words.

While he may be authentically incompetently horrible … he remains authentic – what you see is what you get.

Authentically speaking … he is not a fine tuned machine nor is his administration currently a fine tuned machine.

And if he didn’t try and slime us we would most likely give him a break on not being fine-tuned.

But he is oblivious to any responsibility in the whole thing <except his self-proclaimed productivity> and continues to slime everything he claims & says.

I dislike everything about Trump as a leader … but that said … I need him to do well … we need him to do well. 30 days in he is teetering in a precarious position … and that means the country teeters in a precarious position.

The country is certainly teetering internationally as global leaders not only dislike Trump their countries dislike Trump and have little confidence in him.

WE need him to get better and be better … soon. I tend to believe everyone, even his most diehard supporters, would like a slightly more polished presidential version … but I am just not sure it is within his DNA.

What I do hope is within his DNA is that he learns to listen to some of the smart people he has around him and actually do some of the things they suggest <although history shows he may fake listen and do whatever the last person told him>.

What I do hope is within his DNA is that he learns to have a plan <at some point> and offer some policy not transactions.

And.

What I do hope is that he can stop sliming us so that maybe we can give him some of the credit he may actually deserve without having to swallow that hard to do it.

And.

Lastly.

I want everything to stop looking like a clown car because it is making America the laughing stock of the world.

And, as I wrote awhile back, I really believe most managers do not really create them but rather they simply cannot discern between a true “meet thy death” scenario versus a “a calculated action is called for here.”

But what I absolutely abhor is a falsely created sense of urgency … in other words … ‘cry wolf’ simply to heighten a sense of urgency.

Now.

I do not begrudge true calls of “potential wolf” scenarios nor do I hate ‘whoa, there is a real wolf!’ scenario … but … far too often someone calls ‘wolf’ simply to play on people’s fears … just to do something they want to do <because it makes them look like they are doing something good>.

I admit.

This came to mind because of Trump’s ‘travel ban.’

It came to mind as I sit here maybe two weeks after the “it must be instituted for the safety & security of America” and … well … not only is the initial Trump plan on hold … there is no activity being done to “insure the safety & security of America.”

One <me> is left to think one of two things … <1> my president has said “I am taking my ball and going home if you do not want to play with me” and doing nothing, or, <2> there was no real ‘safety & security’ risk.

Either of these two scenarios suggests to me a false sense of urgency and an incompetent ‘wolf crier.’ I should have been chewed on by some wolf or seen at least one frickin’ wolf by now … shouldn’t I? … or maybe shouldn’t I have seen some “okay, then we will immediately institute this” type activity … shouldn’t I?

Anyway.

I won’t comment on the Trump “Muslim” ban because anyone with two eyes could see it was a PR stunt gone awry.

But let me comment on generating a sense of urgency and getting shit done properly.

I will begin by referencing an obscure article which can be found in the Academy of Management Journal <Brian Gunia & 3 co-authors of Johns Hopkins> and a book “Wait: the art and science of delay” <Frank Partnoy>.

And in doing so I get to talk about one of my favorite topics: doing the right thing <ethically>.

I found it really interesting that in a series of experiments slowing down actually makes us more ethical <I had to reread this several times because I guess in my own head I would have thought our initial knee jerk reaction to a decision situation would have been us at our most ethical … but I was wrong>.

Yeah.

When confronted with a clear choice between right and wrong, people are 5 times more likely to do the right thing if they have time to think about it rather than if they are forced to make a snap decision. In addition they studied businesses and suggest organizations with a ‘fast pulse’ <like banks> are more likely to suffer from ethical problems than those who move more slowly.

Say what?

Yup.

Forced time pressure <false sense of urgency> enhances the odds someone will make a less ethical, less right, decision.

Beyond that … the books and research suggest that delaying decisions <not yielding to time pressure> actually enhances the quality of the decision.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know.

I know there is a ROI on time and delay and decision making … I imagine if I were smart enough I could draw out a decision utility graph with time and quality of decisions but I am not only not smart enough I also cannot draw.

Therefore … I get to point out that these relatively smart guys say exactly that in their published papers.

Ah.

The other thing about sense of urgency and achievement … is … well … what we want.

I have referred to this as the relentless wretched “in between” before.

Sense of urgency & time pressure squeezes us through emotion <fear> while we assess what we really want <this can be tangible or it can be more higher order ‘purpose’ type thinking>.

I say all that because while purpose in Life is a good thing and very productive and makes us feel really good … most of us kind of want something a little more tangible. And I say that as more of an intangible “higher order achievement satisfaction” guy.

What I mean by all this is that if you are gonna cry wolf … if you are gonna encourage me to have a sense of urgency … I want some proof at the end.

I want a dead wolf or a captured wolf or a pack of wolves I can see have been kept at bay.

I want it because ‘urgency’, more often than not, is tied to some sense of survival <I live, I keep my job, my family is safe, my dreams remain alive, etc.>.

Therefore, this urgency crap resides in the sometimes nebulous wretched hollow of the in between of Life & death,

Someone who has the responsibility of managing ‘urgency’ and ‘crying wolf’ also bears the burden of the fact I, the one who inevitably has to respond to all of it, want everything.

——

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”

==

Silvia Plath

—–

In other words … ‘I want everything because urgency implies I could lose everything.’

I believe it was Jorge Luis Borges who wrote about a place called ‘the City of the Immortals’ which was a city of ‘abandoned place full of lame, unfinished architectural experiments and streets that don’t lead anywhere.’

In other words … the people never bothered to complete anything because, being immortal, they could always come back to it later.

My point in sharing that is to say that it is death, or survival <mortality>, which shapes life and gives it structure. Therefore when you create a sense of urgency you are forcing some structure on people’s lives.

When you find yourself acting with some urgency more often than not it is because you are trying to outrace some version of mortality.

And my point in sharing that is … well … if you are gonna fuck with my Life structure and you are gonna fuck with my thoughts of mortality … you better fucking believe I am gonna pay attention to why you have created this sense of urgency.

You would be stupid to not think I will not care and hold you responsible.

Cry wolf at our own peril.

Instill a sense of urgency at your own peril.

Most of us have enough shit going on in our lives without having bad misguided managers & bad misguided leaders guiding us to do misguided things under the guise of some false sense of urgency.

As noted in the obscure research I shared … wait & do.

Patient quickness leads to not only more ethical behavior <which I wholeheartedly support> but it is also leads to higher quality actions <which I wholeheartedly support>.

I think we should all be wary of asked for ‘sense of urgency.’ More often than not it is misguided. And I say that as, personally, a relentless ‘doer’ and someone who is most happy ‘doing shit’ <preferably ‘good shit’>. I have found ‘doing good shit’ acquires its own pace and rarely requires some nudges of ‘urgency.’

But. That’s me.

==================

“My death awaits among the falling leaves. In magicians mysterious sleeves. My death waits in a double bed. Sails of oblivion at my head.

“There’s always a strange feeling you get when you come across one particular line by chance.

It feels somehow significant.

That’s irrational of course, but humans are irrational creatures.

Even the sturdiest, most down-to-earth chap will turn pale if he opens a book at random and sees the words PREPARE TO MEET THY DEATH. “

—

Mark Forsyth

======

Well.

Survival is a great motivator.

Suffice it to say there is pretty much nothing like feeling like ‘prepare to meet thy death’ is imminent to create a sense of urgency in your actions. I believe this is true in your personal life as well as in your business life.

But.

Let’s be clear.

Up until that “death scenario” point most of us swing back & forth between a general sense of lack of urgency and … well … just getting all the shit done you need to get done <no urgency nor laziness … just doing and checking shit off your list>.

It is a fairly practical approach to approaching Life <and business life>.

Looking at Life objectively … Life is almost always a balance of pacing yourself so that you don’t burn out <and have the energy when you actually do need it> and a sense of urgency to ‘do’ when the situation dictates.

And, yet … we almost seem irrational when it comes to this balance. We run, and run, and run … and then all of a sudden schedule some forced ‘stop’ under the guise of ‘re-energizing’ or recharging our batteries.

This is kind of nuts.

This actually implies we can control what we face and when we face it.

But let me explain what I really mean.

Well.

Even the sturdiest, most down-to-earth chap will turn pale if he opens a book at random and sees the words PREPARE TO MEET THY DEATH.

So let’s say your idea of balance is a simple “go” or “stop” … either 100% of one or 100% of the other.

So let’s say you have been running and running and running with your planned “stop” imminent.

Uh oh.

Life stands in front of you with some situation and places the words is ‘prepare to meet thy death’ squarely in front of you.

You pale.

Shit. We all pale in moment like that.

It is a ‘survival moment.’ What many bosses flippantly call “an all hands on deck” moment.

Well.

You are fucked.

Just when you need the energy the most you are most likely at your most depleted.

Suffice it to say the ‘100% stop or go’ Life strategy is not the most practical or efficient living Life model.

And, yet, that is exactly the model most of us use.

Our reason <excuse>?

This is what Life demands of us.

Well.

I could argue that Life may certainly pressure us to live life this way but it certainly doesn’t demand us to live it this way.

We get lots of choices in Life and one of them is how we live it.

Even with all the “survive must do’s” we get a lot of room on how we conduct our lives.

Death or survival moments reminds us of this. It is in these moments in which our survival mode kicks in <” I am not prepared to meet my death … if at all possible”>.

Most of us figure we may as well go out fighting … hence the urgency.

“Better it is to die as a soldier since die we must.

And though the man who dies hath pain – to all his house accrues praise and pride. “

Euripedes

Now.

I will admit.

I hated the false ‘prepare to meet thy death’ moments a shitload of managers create in business.

Well. I really believe most of them do not create them but rather they simply cannot discern between a true “meet thy death” scenario versus a “a calculated action is called for here.”

In addition.

I admit.

I found it incredibly frustrating to have a “prepare to meet thy death” scenario rear its monstrous head and any and all resources became available. Not because I begrudged the resources needed to meet the situation but because months before you had asked for the same resources <maybe even a lesser degree> and if invested … this particular ‘prepare to meet thy death’ scenario most likely would have never occurred.

But that is why I said what I said upfront … most of us grind our way through life, business & personal, with a general lack of urgency. Creating urgency without a ‘prepare to meet thy death’ situation is … well … difficult.

And because it is difficult an because there is a mostly lack of urgency general attitude … managers almost get trained to inspire urgency with ‘death-like scenarios. This is the truly evil business version of “false sense of urgency.”

It is a mind numbingly stupid situation we have created ourselves.

I, personally as a manager, do not know if I was particularly good at heading off ‘prepare for thy death’ situations and I don’t know if I was particularly good at recognizing real ‘prepare to meet thy death’ scenarios <because sometimes they actually can be slightly sneaky> but I do tend to believe I erred on the side of treating almost all scenarios initially as ‘non urgent’ believing more often than not if we didn’t run around like chickens with our heads cut off and didn’t invest a shitload of extra resources we could most likely handle it fairly efficiently.

My only proof to back up what I just wrote?

I am not dead.

Regardless.

I do wish more of us, in Life and in business, could cut back on the “go 100%” and “stop 100%” interval living. I don’t think it is particularly healthy nor particularly effective in the long run.