Now, if I’m honest, I’ve got to admit that there is part of me that says: "What the...?! How do I just accept this? Is that a reasonable or smart response? Surely, this just means that I’m giving up and living like a victim!"

Actually, this part of me is screwing up her face and thinking that this whole thing sounds ridiculous! She has a loud voice at times and if she was in the driver’s seat right now, this article would not be written.

She is my ego (or part of it) — my survival patterns and learned behaviors that have developed as a result of my history. Her patterns are in place to keep me safe, like a disempowered child that needs to behave in a certain way in order to survive.

She holds all the beliefs fed to me during my formative years from family, peers, and society (the good, the bad, and the ugly ones).

The good news is that she is not all of me. I take a breath and step back into myself and become the witness to all these thoughts. My mind can be a very busy place when she has a lot to say! From this place, I can witness her patterns and behaviors.

Our ego is an amazing place to explore and understand. We can do this in terms of the ‘shadow’ and ‘light’ sides of our ego/personality. Our light side is usually the part of us that we perceive as being socially acceptable to the world, while our shadow is the part that stays hidden.

It’s the part that we don’t want to admit to or show the world.

So from my shadows, she says: "What are you talking about?! Survive, survive, survive! Just hurry up and get a new job, get rid of that partnership that’s not working for you because it’s all too hard, and get angry and judgmental towards your child about the drugs. That will fix it...yes!"

OK, I take a deep breath and step back into myself again. I wish to share from a deeper, wiser part of myself, the part that has infinite compassion, love, and acceptance of all that is. This is my divine nature, higher self, or core wisdom — my true self.

It’s a big step from intolerance to acceptance, don't you think? It hasn't always been just a simple step back into this place in me.

This step has taken much learning and repeated practice. It’s a place in me that has been explored and experienced in deeper and deeper levels over the years. It’s a place I now know well.

To hold the intention of my divine nature (compassion, love, and acceptance), I have to work on and with my ego self and re-frame a few ideas for her (so she can stop shouting and feeling threatened).

It meant the introduction of a few life philosophies and spiritual insights that helped calm her. Let me share 3 of these with you:

If I have inner turmoil (e.g. ego fears) then this will show up in my life with accidents, arguments, and confusion. If I’m feeling peaceful and connected with myself and others, my outer world is harmonious and things flow.

Therefore, I need to choose the thoughts I have and actions I take carefully. I need to take responsibility and in this way, I am empowered to define my world.

2. Others around us are mirrors to ourselves.

An extension of 1, I attract into my world, the experiences and relationships that are exactly what I need to learn and grow.

People and experiences are mirrors for me to recognize where I need to fine-tune my thoughts, judgments, and behaviors.

3. There is a flow to life and it’s there whether or not I am aware of it.

It’s a flow towards growth, transformation, and peacefulness. It’s the tree that grows without being told to; it just grows. It’s the caterpillar that goes into its cocoon because it ‘knows’ it is part of the journey.

It is the natural state of all life to be at peace. The challenge is to work out how to release resistance and just flow with it.

There are many more of these ideas and concepts which support my way of thinking and acceptance of life, but we shall play with these ones for the moment.

Let’s return to the main points of life that we were considering accepting:

"I just lost my job" becomes "Perhaps it is my time to move on, I’ve secretly been dreaming about something new" or "What have I learned from this experience? It has taught me XYZ and now when I approach the same situation I’ll do it differently." From here you can accept the loss, learn from it, and move on.

"My partner is controlling and jealous" becomes "How is my partner a mirror to me? Where am I exhibiting the same traits in my life? If I release this pattern, will that affect our relationship?" or "What makes me stay in this relationship? Is it out of fear? What do I need to do to shift this fear, empower myself and then make the choice to stay or go?" From here, you can accept this, witness yourself as part of the co-created problem, and therefore, learn and empower yourself.

"My child is using drugs" becomes "What is my child really struggling with? What do they need to learn about themselves and life through this experience? Are they a mirror to me in any way? Am I avoiding something I don’t want to look at? What am I to learn from this?" From this place, you can accept the situation and move forward with wise compassionate action.

You will notice that these examples all finish with "I accept this experience ‘as is’".

We are always invited to take some level of responsibility for all the experiences we have in life, either full responsibility or at least some responsibility for the co-created situation.

From this point of responsibility, we are then invited to reflect upon ourselves and our patterns of thought and behavior. The final element is to make the transformations that are required to heal or shift this issue. This is a far cry from victim consciousness.

This approach invites us to work from the ‘light’ side of our ego, which exhibits life characteristics more closely aligned with our divine nature — that all-accepting, compassionate and loving part of us.

The more we can inhabit this part of our nature, the more we can hold the experience of witnessing life unfolding, not being attached to the outcome, and being fully present in the moment with love, compassion, acceptance, and ultimately, happiness.

Mandy Agnew's approach to therapy and healing is holistic, with a strong focus on the creation of Inner Peace. Would you like to explore your ego, its shadow and light sides? Learn more at Core Wisdom. Contact Mandy for a ‘Free Discovery Session’ on her website.