Guacabaconut Burger

Your first and primal reaction to this recipe is to make a face and click 'next'. For you adventurous lot who have made it to this second sentence, this is an explosion of incongruous flavors that taste inexplicably amazing together, if for no other reason that out of pure spite. I have two friends to thank for this inspiration. They know who they are. Enjoy!

Place meats in a medium stainless or glass bowl, breaking it up as you drop it in so that it makes a big, loose mound. Add 3/4 of the salt and the ground pepper and mix lightly by hand until blended. Try to avoid mashing the meat too densely - the benefits of a loose patty will become clear later. Divide into 4 parts. If you have 6" round molds, press the meat into the molds. If not, form the meat into patties, pressing together just enough to hold it together. The patties should work out to be about 1/2" thick. Set aside to rest.

Peel and pit the avocado - if you cannot find a Haas avocado, a Florida will work but will not have the same taste due to the lower fat content. Chop into chunks and place in a small food processor. Add the garlic, onion, jalapeno, olive oil and the remaining salt. Blend to a not-quite-smooth puree. Scoop into an appropriately-sized blowl, cover tightly and refrigerate.

Fry bacon and drain well. If you have a broiler pan, oven frying is less fatty and more consistent, if you place cold raw bacon on a cold broiler pan, placing in a cold oven on the middle rack and then turning the broiler. This works by slowly increasing the temperature, rendering out most of the fat before the bacon reaches crisping temps (we can thank Alton Brown for that little secret). Watch the bacon carefully! It can go from rubbery to black in as little as 15 seconds!

Cook the burger patties on a flattop, electric skillet or cast iron skillet at 375F or medium high. I don't recommend grilling these, as the loose patties can - and probably will - break up on a grate and end up as charcoal - really tasty charcoal, but not so good for this recipe. Cook 4-5 minutes on each side until browned and carmelized, turning only once.

While the burgers cook, slice and toast rolls in a toaster oven - or in the remaning heat of the broiler after you've cooked the bacon. Spread the bottom of each with a tablespoon of the peanut butter while the rolls are still warm. There's no reason for this, the warm rolls just make the pb all melty and that's pretty cool - something the kids can do to distract them from what you're about to do to the top of the roll.

Take the crowns, spread them with a liberal dose of the guac which you've just surreptitiously removed from the fridge, and stick 2 or 3 half-slices of bacon in the guac. Lay a patty on the pb bun and top with the bacon and guac crown.

Serve with mac and cheese, kettle crisps or seasoned fries and cole slaw.

Tips: - For yet another dimesion of flavor, lay a couple dill pickle slices on the bottom buns, on top of the pb. I like Claussen's sandwich stackers or hamburger slices as they're clean tasting and stay crisp under a hot patty. - Try a sourdough or pumpernickel roll. OK, maybe pumpernickel is going too far. Nah. - Try crunchy peanut butter instead of creamy. This tip is pretty much self-explanatory.