Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll

LET THE HARD BREX BEGINLike the perpetual threat of a shower, PM Theresa May appears to be always on the verge of bursting into tears, even during our delightful spell of summer weather. On her recent Brexit-related trade mission though, the relentless African sun appears to have gone to her expensively coiffured head, as revealed by her popular and sassy new tribal dance video. Whilst accepting that heads of state are diplomatically obliged to strut their terpsichorean stuff when called upon, in Lobbytroll’s opinion, Theresa’s twinkle-hoofed performance amply demonstrates that Strictly is more than just a glint in her post-prime ministerial eye. I’ll wager this: Michael Jackson is not revolving like a top in his Neverland tomb, fretting about the longevity of his hard-earned pop-dance legacy. Perhaps a clap of thunder and a short downpour might freshen us all up? The Guardian link

SCALLOPS TO YOULast week, sandwiched between hysterical tabloid hoo-hah and nationalistic media hubris, we learned that a handful of French small-boat fishermen had launched Napoleonic assaults on UK boats which were harvesting scallops off the coast of Normandy. Smoke bombs and French insults were hurled. We were later informed by Michael Gove, Minister for Scallops, that our brave sailors were perfectly within their fishing rights, which no doubt was true in a letter-of-the-law sense. However, it turns out that the real reason behind the Gallic fury was the UK fishermen’s refusal to conform to a French regulation preventing those waters from being fished between 15th May and 1st October, a regulation put in place to protect and sustain scallop stocks. Without wishing to upset anyone (Ha! Fat chance!), isn’t a genuine determination to preserve the sustainability of seafood stocks kind of… right?

THE SWEET SMELL OF EXCESSAs a friend pointed out to me some time ago, the predominant odour on a bus at school-run time these days is the chemical cocktail whiff of so-called energy drinks. These hideous concoctions, containing huge amounts of sugar and caffeine, have hitherto been shamelessly promoted to children with brands like Monster and Rockstar Punched (sic). Clearly packaged to appeal to the young, their “not suitable for children” warning is carefully printed in tiny type, like the ingredients list. When Lobbytroll was a lad, cigarettes were openly and easily obtained by anyone under sixteen, despite being against the law. Now that the sale of ‘energy drinks’ to children is to be rightfully banned, how effective will it be?

WHAT A WONGAFUL WORLD THIS WILL BESo Wonga, the cynically exploitative, morally bankrupt corporate payday loan shark is going into administration, poor thing. Who will join me in a mass weep ‘n wail-in?

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