News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

The Holsworthy Mafia have just been informed of an incident that happened this evening on the 29th of August, 2018 when a black SUV parked incorrectly in an ASDA car park.

The Driver of this wonderfully parked Mitsubishi Outlander was no where to be found, but had left his car parked in what was a criminal manor leaving other customers having to park in other parking bays.

In his LAME attempt at parking, we could only assume he was trying to enter the Biggest Bellend of the universe awards, previously won by Jeremy Corbyn, Theresa May and that guy from the Halifax Advert.

The Outlander was parked several rows away from the store, this actually didn’t really cause that much chaos, but we’re writing as Levon Dive tonight, so little things are BIG NEWS and we will blow it out of proportion as much as possible in typical Levon Dive fashion.

We spoke to an eye witness who saw the whole event unfold. Candice-lee Bundy, Single mum of six, who wished to remain anonymous and who we shall now refer to as “Candy”.

I was driving to Asda with my 6 kids in my Zafira, we wanted to grab some Labrini and some Frosty Jacks for my sisters boy friends, cousins, aunties, brothers, grans, mates birthday, so we were in a hurry, we normally park by a lamp post because of my OCD and I was horrified to find his car parked across 4 parking bays, I’d never seen anything like it in my life.

I don’t think I could return to Asda after this, I asked for the manager and he told me that only 4 parking bays out of the hundreds available where taken leaving me a choice of hundreds to choose from, I said I wanted that one, but my request seemed to fall on death ears.

I then decided to call my mate who is a bloke built like a brick shit house, but he was unavailable. I was left with no option but to park in a different bay. I’m not sure I can go sign on tomorrow after this trauma.

We attempted to wait for the owner to return, but we wanted to go to McDonnalds instead and stare endlessly at the harsh reality of obesity, diabetes & Vauxhall Corsa Limited Edition ownership.