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The Story of Guy Ernest

Every strong man comes from a strong sperm. My dad Manny was born in Levitown Long Iland in 1945. He was star quarterback for Levitown Hi back in fall of 63, but Kennedy got shot then so no one gave a shit. In 67, he would do comedy at the Improv in New York. He invented the world's first Dylan imitation.

He slept around a lot, so whe never figured out who my mudder was. But I was born in 76 in Flushing, Queens. My dad would do comedy wearing one of those chest baby carriers while he was smoking cigarettes onstage telling one liners and playing the ukelaylee.

On to MEEEE!!!! I watched Andrew Dice Clay on HBO in the 80s. Clay was also on crime story. Clay is like my surrogate father. I love him like I love a courtesy flush splashing my ball sac. But my dad hated him -- and HBO. He swore Carson was the only other way to go. HBO would have him but Carson wouldn't so boom- his career in comedy was over and we moved to Ronkonkoma in 1988.

The 90s was honestly truly speaking my time to shine to grow to achieve. To LIIIIVE!!!! I was such a snatch soaker back then, oh baby. I went to all these great clubs (Tunnel, Limelight, Cro Bar). I tore up more pussy than Freddy Kruger and Edward Scissorhands at a bikini waxing place. Oh baby.

My career in comedy began in 1996 when I sang Technotronic "Get Up - Before the Night is Over" featuring Ya Kid K. I was so fucked up I couldn't read the lyrics so I just told jokes.

I've been doing open mikes in the Village since 2005 because I took a ten year break from comedy. I got my girl Toni (she's a real beatnick chick but I guess she just loves my bad boy ways) and my friend Biff Bixby, whose a bounser for the Tit E Shack. So there it is. Sexy. Funny Boom.