Life

January 14, 2013

*that is the face of someone with a bowl of sultanas in front of him and full cheeks.Anything for a photo....

It seems as though it is already February and yet its clearly not. I find that everything comes to a halt during the summer school holidays and I am at once torn between wishing the boys were back at school so I could find my rythmn, and wishing we had months of this day floating to tinker and picnic and have my babies not really as grown up as they are when they return to school in a higher grade.

In January 2009 I sat in my sisters bed in Clapham and wrote my wishlist for that new year bursting with excitiement and promise. I repeated this in 2010, 2011 and 2012. 2009 and 2010 came very close to realising a dream only to have the rug yanked at the very last moment. Late 2011 it happened again but this time to my husband. Most of 2011 was spent waiting for that disaster to dissipate. I think 2012 I went a little easy on myself because we had a new baby and all I really wished for were baby giggles, watching our now three boys smitten with each other and the day when I would be able to wear a dress and a normal bra again.

This year I am going to make changes. Not the changes I wrote down that morning years ago because life twirls and leaps and sometimes you simply cannot hold on to your plan. If I'd stuck to my plan that morning and managed to bring it all to life, I'd have published my books that still sit here waiting. I would be selling my art toys successfully, be the worlds best mother to my boys, in a passionate marriage, have mastered all types of cooking, have an incredible garden full of vegetables and chickens and rambling flower beds. I would be able to salsa with the best of them, I'd be teaching yoga, we would have a fantastic home and we would travel regularly following my husband around the globe for work and fun.

Sounds ludicrous. Admittedly since I wrote that list some of those things could have happened, but none of them were achievable alone and other things happen all the time so focus gets scrambled. Also I like to knit until one in the moring not micro manage our lives.

SO. 2013 I have some hopes rather than plans. I will endeavor to make them happen but if they dont it won't knock me down. We have a house, we have healthy beautiful children, we dont know anyone who is ill and the world isnt going anywhere just yet.

There will be a major change to this blog. In title and appearance and some content. It will be reflecting a project I started long ago and by putting it out there, I will be forced to bring it to life. I am going to limit my time on the internet because it is the greatest dissolver of my time I know (that will be hard because I love the internet).

I am going to plan our meals several nights a week to take the pressure off and I'm going to declutter the roof storage. The roof declutter is in part because I had a spectacular nightmare about it falling down on our heads. Yet it was empty. I am tempted to google the meaning of that but I refuse to because I will be there for hours and possibly scare myself into a corner after diagnosis.

I am not going to let myself get flusterd by tornado type personalities and I am going to try and loosen up my one strike and youre out relationship wall because, unless its a real doozy, I havent got the head space to be dissapointed and hurt. Duck feathers.

Simple. Its actually not going to be simple but is a short list so it feels doable and thats half the battle.

And we have embraced the green smoothie brigade. Any way that I can get more energy I'm doing.

I hope you have a really wonderful year and your list is short and achievable.

We dont have to move mountains just because its a new year. We just have to nudge them.

September 03, 2012

Did you have a happy fathers day? Ours began with the usual. The night before, the boys came to me in a panic asking what "have we got Dad"? I showed them what I, the fascilitator of all occassions success or failure, had bought. Actually what their father had bought as he'd been totally indecisive with me about what he fancied for fathers day and I'd got fed up with it and announced he'd get diddly squat. Hmm.

I showed them the shirts, wrapped them because they were busy freaking out over their identical drawings on their hand made cards, and organised a hiding spot. They decided my hiding spot was not up to scratch and, when I wasnt looking, moved it to a better one.

Alright then.

On Sunday we woke to no Daddy. He had raced off to the airport because his parents needed to catch their flight back to melbourne. A bowling tournament commitment I believe.

While he was gone, Henry and I went crazy making crepes, caramelising strawberries and bananas to go with the crepes and decorating the kitchen table. Oliver sauntered out in time to greet Ashleigh and dig in to his breakfast.

There is something I'm not doing right isnt there? Somewhere along the line between toddlers who love to dust and make beds to practically adolescents who step out of their knickers and walk away, the wheels have fallen off. Crashed into the gutter leaving the house proud in feotal position by the side of the road,wine in hand.

Oliver turned nine on Friday. He did so without one single gift handmade by me. Now there is a slippery slope if ever I felt one.

I think the entire restaurant singing 'Happy Birthday' to him and his local football team dining at the next table was the best gift he could have had though.

He seems taller. I bought him size ten pajamas from Boden and they fit him. I couldnt believe it.

Sunday we got dressed up and went off to Rozelle for some family photos. This is something we have been meaning to do since Henry was a baby. I imagine being married to a cinematographer/photgrapher is not unlike being married to a builder or landscape gardener. Your own is never done.

Well tripod in hand and Ashleigh in shoot mode, we stood and posed and turned and froze and sat and stood and looked this way and that. We dont quite have the shot I wanted and we certainly dont have enough with him in them, but there was only so many times he was going to focus, set the timer and run to us.

But it went well.

Until I realised that there was not one shot of Ashleigh with his three boys and he should have told me to put my feet together. Nothing is ever perfect though is it?

I think we do perfectly well being not remotely perfect. Somehow it fits.

August 25, 2012

Something weird and unpleasant is happening in our home at the moment and I'm not sure how it has festered into this 'situation' we are seemingly in.

Oliver is feeling out of place. I think Oliver is feeling out of place. Actually I'm not at all sure as he seems to love Charlie with the force of nature that comes in the form of love for a child. Except that Charie is our child and his brother. Something has shifted. Possibly shifting for some time but now we've hit the wall.

When Olie was a baby, my mother remarked that he had an incredible sense of self. He does and it will hopefully steady him when life throws arrows at him which it is guaranteed to do at some point. The problem with that level of confidence is that he believes he is in control and has control when really he is still a little boy.

I am teetering on the knife edge between letting it sort itself out and banning him from being near the baby. Totally shit if you ask me.

I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that he would do anything for Charlie. I am also beginning to have no doubt that he would do anything to Charlie. And I don't think its because he is jealous neceassarily. More that he loves him so much, SO much, that he can't control the impulses to go too far. Taking that tickle to the next level of poking those fingers in as far as possible, stroking him on the forehead that morphs into rough rubbing of the forehead. Little things that turn suddenly into something aggresive and scary. Charlie has begun to look at Oliver with a mixture of adoration and caution. Its heartbreaking. This week has seen Charlie react with fear to for the first time since he came into our lives. Both times it was Oliver using a booming voice and a sudden table smack or appearing suddenly right in Charlies face and shouting a word. I know that at nine months Charlie is in the fear learning curve, but it was a very sudden development.

This baby of ours does not cry unless really pushed (extremely over tired, waited more than long enough for his dinner) and I think he has been pushed. The other night, after he was wondersuited up for bed, Oliver and I were sitting with him and suddenly he went crazy with crying. Oliver was as far across the room as humanly possible in a blink, squawking that he was only patting him. I thought he must have squeezed Charlies arm. The next morning I found a full set of teeth marks on Charlie. I was absolutely floored. I dont think he meant to bite him at all. I think that when he is busy 'loving' Charlie, the impulse to go further, to want to eat him up and love him to pieces, must swell up in him and he does things without realising it.

Any kind of sibbling issues were well off the page as far as we were concerned. Henry was delighted with his "baby Oggy George" and we thought both boys were so much older, there was no reason for any kind of jealousy to occur.

Now the big question is, of course, do we ignore things? How much? We have spoken to him, consequences have been dished out and he appears to be mortified and understanding. Without putting Charlie at risk, do we just stand back and let Oliver come to terms with his emotions? Have you experienced anything like this?

August 22, 2012

I did something radical. Well for me anyway-there was a lot of hair on the floor!

Can I just say this habit we all have of trying to take our own photos? Crazy. Arms were not meant to bend that way while trying to take aim and touch the button your phone. Ouch

Sleep is achieved with coverage. Actually makes it an easy clue when we're out as he starts draping things over his face. Funny kid.

This is getting there. The quilting has begun.

I cant beleive this happened so fast! I found myself looking at 1st birthday cards and had to stop myself. I want to savour every single moment with this litte guy. I'd forgotten how fast it whips by. I'm so glad I dont have to race off to an office or set and miss it all.

These portraits have become a case of"quick get the shot no no no please dont move ok grab the (insert appropriate letter/number)" etc

I bought this cut and sew picture book from Spoonflower. I was a little nervice expecting it to be quite bright and stiff but it is absolutely divine! Soft and vintage in appearance. I put a piece of cotton batting inside each 'page' to make it more baby squish and suck friendly.

School Spring Fete sweat shop.

There has been gorgeous sunshine these last few days so baby and I have been doing some park lolling. I'm sure thats a technical term....

This is the cardigan I finished the other night. All the details are on my ravelry page. I want you to know that I love it. LOVE IT. Yes I know it needs some buttons : )

July 04, 2012

The dream job is not wavering for Henry so when we learned of a new exhibition at Sydney University, well, we had to go. Not because he is remotely interested in the Etruscans ( sob-although he did tell me what a painting meant because he had read something about the characters in it-go figure!) but because The Brickman had been commissioned to build a replica of The Colosseum. And build it he did.

Appparently he spent three and a half weeks holed up in his garden studio,aka The Brickmahal, and built and built and built.

It is all kids of crazy cool let me tell you! Right down to the gelato truck that is parked alongside. We walked past the same truck when there! Very exciting stuff.

The exhibition people said that initially they had the barrier only one foot high. They learnt that lesson within minutes. When we arrived it was too tall for most long armed enthusiasts.

You can see some of the press photos here on the other blog. If you're a Sydney person try and get there. I really enjoyed it. All those hours in Art History at high school came flooding back!

July 02, 2012

I'm not even going to try to say I dont know how the empty space here happened. I know how exactly how it went down.

I weaned a baby onto food (which was such a big deal and I wasnt ready but he clearly was and loves everything), finished a sesquicentenial quilt for the boys school ( I'll post some photos later but its out and hanging and everyone loves it so phew), spent a lot of time moonlighting over at In Alfie's Room and did a spot of knitting. And Pinterest. Man oh man do I get stuck inside the vortex of Pinterest. Wow.

I cannot tell you how many times I have made and devoured this caramel slice recently. Pinterest is my recipe google. Guru.....?

We finally admitted that this little person was about to bust hulk style out of his moses basket. One last sleep heavily photographed. I believe I sobbed just a little. Milestones and all that....

Into a cot. Not 'The Cot' but one that fits behind the door until further notice. He wasnt quite sure what to do with the space. Laughed like a crazy baby for quite some time. Again-heavily photographed.

I knitted this vest (which took forever in 4ply) only to decide that I could not send him out in public looking like Wallace's understudy.

So I knit him a cardigan. Rather similar effect yes?

I've been sewing fitted sheets. Never in my dreams did I think I'd make sheets, but it is a ridiculously fast domestic goddess act. The practical things can be the most satisfying cant they?

I spend a lot of time making tickle hands. And singing in kooky voices. The things I do for a grin from this kid!

I learnt that photoshoots are getting challenging. Yes I wrestled with a seven month old over felt letters. He won.

But I dont care cause he's the sweetest thing on the planet.

And I have realised that I am happiest with black or blue on my nails. A maintenace nightmare but I love seeing my fingers all dark and moody. Butter London has a lot to answer for. Another addiction! Sheesh.

So I would understand if you thought after all those pics that I'm only here to show off the now giant baby right?!

Nah. That was just a bonus : )

Henry went on his first big school camp. Henry has also decided to start behaving like a teenager which I guess makes him a tweenie yes?

Oliver seems to be going through some family position reckoning which I hadnt banked on AT ALL. I thought the age gap was so stupendously huge that there would be no bumps. Wrong.

So we are all good. Cabin fever, teething and hormonal tweenies but good. Chocolate fixes everything. And I need a haircut but thats normal.

January 20, 2012

Just after christmas we took a drive up to Brisbane and spent the day at the galleries. They are set along the river with the library in between and it is so beautifully laid out I instantly wanted to live there. Just so I could sit on the grass by the river and step inside a gallery. Priorities in tact I'd say.

We went up to look at the Matisse exhibition which was wonderful. The exhibition is of his drawings which was quite interesting to see with the boys. We were counting how many lines he could draw a face in at one point. When you come out, they have a drawing space set up with life models, violinists seranading everyone and people everywhere sketching. They also have drawing tablets which is a terrific idea for our digital age children. Everywhere you were you could draw a still life or a model and, for those who had not brought their own sketching equipment with them, they had clipboards, paper and pencils around the room. I have honestly never been to an exhibition so well thought out before. Even the cafe was set up for sketching, reading his books and sipping a coffee. Magnificent.

Afterwards we wondered into this room by Yayoi Kasuma. Every adult was instantly transformed back into a child as we grabbed sticker sheets and set about covering every surface we could find. Tall adults were happily popping stickers on te ceiling. We had to be checked at the exit though for stickers as you werent allowed to remove them from the space. Even if they were stuck to your bottom from the piano stool as Henry discovered.

The childrens book illustrators exhibition was on at the Library too so we had a full and inspiring day.

When we came back outside to the real world, we were greeted by this cloud mountain rising above the Art Gallery. We had never seen anything like it. It was thick and solid. Quite fantastic.

And now our baby who looks so much fuller than he did that week away. These photos were taken over the last few days. His last days as a nine week old I might add. Today he hit double digits.

I honestly have not taken his ten week photo yet as when he's awake I spend that time pulling faces and singing and being a completely smitten mother. Its a miracle anything gets done around here with this little bug of ours.

And he would sleep anywhere. Yesterday he had an entire nap being held and passed around by my friends up at the park. Any cuddle is a good cuddle clearly. And he is getting squishy bits! He's over 5 kilos (about 11.7 pounds) now so it wont be long before he is literally twice the baby we brought home from hospital.

I'm knitting another Milo. The lovely grey one is a little bit like trying to put him in sausage casing now.

January 01, 2012

Did you find your way to some fireworks or party at home ? We stayed home and had our own little shindig.

I even dug out my wedding shoes and put on a twirly skirt.Henry put on a tie he found in the dress ups box.

We ate smoked trout with horseradish cream on dark rye bread alongside prawns with homemade mayonaise and varous cheeses, olives and pate. The boys were allowed lemonade. We, of course, had bubbles.

We grated chocolate over a raspberry and strawberry topped pavlova and watched the fireworks by candle light on the television.We are lucky enough to see the high ones from our kitchen window.

One thing that Sydney does which I think is fabulous, is have a fireworks display at 9pm for all the familes of little people to enjoy. They are always on par with the midnight display and such a great thing to do for those who can't or simply don't want to be out in the thick of things so late.

Does your city do this aswell?

With Lady Gaga and Pink mixing it with the cast from Glee on the ipod, we played cards with the kids.Ok.We gambled with the kids. Ashleigh swears that 21 is a great maths skill builder for the children so make of that what you will but it was lots of fun with much laughter and teasing.

September 05, 2011

Oh dear.My purge. I sat down here over the weekend to show you some lovely baby nurserys ( because lets be honest- there is not much going on in my head right now other than this bump) I have been hording on Pinterest.But it didnt quite work that way when my fingers met the keyboard.

Still, I hope I am not the only one who sometimes feels as though nothing ever quite works out the way they thought it would. Something that has been three years of working, waiting and an astounding amount of effort from my husband, got bumped a bit. Not something we are really in the mood for.

He deserves it and damn it, we deserve it. So when I sat down to chat to you I shared that.

On a much perkier note, I finally succeeded at getting myself one of these posters. Do you ever find that as much as you might lust after something, once it is out there everywhere you turn, it takes the gloss off it for you? I do that all the time. Movies, books, recipes, clothes.

This poster I had in my hands when I stood in the fabulous shop at the Imperial War Museum in London. But I put it back.

Last week I thought, you know what? I dont have my London terrace and my white floorboards and my spaniel ( I sound like a total Anglophile dont I??)

But.

I can have this poster draped in some fairy lights to enjoy every time I enter my lounge or sit in my kitchen.

So there you have it. Success. And looking at it up there all sparkly and "I'm here" I feel completely and utterley calm.

Now isnt that something. xx

*Deep sincere apologies for the absolutely RUBBISH photo taken on my phone. The thought of waddling up the other end of the house to find my camera was all a bit much. A cup of tea was closer to where I was!