Dancing to a Different Tune: Kathy Pooler’s Memoir

Dancing to a Different Tune: Kathy Pooler’s Memoir

Kathy and I are not old friends. In fact, our friendship is rather recent as we have explored each other’s blog posts early this year, discovering that we both were developing our writing skills after long, satisfying careers, hers in medicine and mine in education.

In March, she featured me on a blog post describing my writing process and in May I published a preview of her memoir now published in July 2014. Beyond this, we have discovered that our values are rooted in a strong Christian faith.

Kathy Pooler’s memoir Ever Faithful to His Lead is a smooth read but with a tale that is often tumultuous. Her memoir unfolds like a novel with pleasing dialogue and silky descriptions of her prom dress and her hand-made wedding gown in stark contrast to the rocky road she travels to become a strong, assertive woman.

In the course of her journey, Kathy earns several academic degrees among them the distinguished Certified Family Nurse Practitioner qualification. Yet she stumbles with poor choices in love, choosing one wrong partner after another in her search for a stable marriage like that she imagined her parents’ to be. In fact, she admits early on that she can trace her “inability to discern dangerous situations to a lack of exposure to anything out of the ordinary.”

Readers can applaud the resilient woman emerging from the frightened person who hid from her first husband in her hallway closet to a woman who is finally able to trust her own instincts. Her candor and vulnerability appear on every page. Kathy often pulls the reader aside to contemplate her motivation, as for example: “I was always second-guessing myself, quickly shoving doubts aside to paint the picture of what I needed the world to be.”

When you as reader want to snatch the blinders off the writer’s eyes and yell “Stop!” into her ears, you know the author has succeeded in pulling you into her world. This memoir is a cautionary tale for anyone on an elusive search for Mr. Right. For anyone already in an abusive relationship, Kathy’s story offers courage and hope. Admitting it is time to make big-girl choices, her last chapter promises, “Raw, hopeful, ready to dance to my own song—my new faith waiting patiently in the background.”

The book concludes with nine discussion questions for book clubs and a “Share the Hope” section with the notation that each purchase contributes toward the National Coalition of Domestic Violence Awareness Association. Author Pooler is already at work on a sequel: Hope Matters.

YAY for resilient women. Double YAY for resilient women who write. I was blessed to win a copy of this book, and I look forward to its arrival so I can read the story of a woman who dares to take us deep into the journey.

You will definitely appreciate the story of a woman who goes from cowering to courageous. A victor – no longer a victim! Thanks, Dolores, for your presence on my Facebook page and for your comments here, always welcome.

Thank you, Marian for your heartfelt and insightful review of my memoir. My greatest hope is that it will touch others in a healing, hopeful way. Your words are like music to my ears. As always, I am most grateful for your ongoing support and friendship.

Thank you, Kathy. I am excited to see all of the ripples and waves your book has already inspired. I just wish I had such a book in hand to give to one of my students who arrived in my class several years ago with a black eye.

I love that Kathy “… often pulls the reader aside to contemplate her motivation.” To be able to pull a reader into the pages is well worth the price of admission. My hat is off to Kathy for offering hope and courage to people who find themselves in abusive relationships.

And the price of admission to her 217-page story is minimal, especially if you pass the book on to an agency that serves the abused which I hope to do. Thank you for so faithfully spreading the word on Twitter and elsewhere, Laurie.

Marian … Thank you for sharing Kathleen Pooler’s story. That Kathleen had to hide from her husband is very telling and I’m glad that she found way to escape the abuse.

This is a message that needs to be heard. Last week in class, I shared a news story about emotional and physical abuse that many teens experience in their dating relationships. I hope that it serves as a cautionary tale for many who read it and that they heed the warning signs before it’s too late.

Dear Judy, interesting you should mention this age group. We tend to focus on the 30+ age group when we think of abuse. Just this week, my 16 year-old niece told my mother that she wanted all her girlfriends to read my memoir. I think there’s a market for younger women here as the choices they are making in their adolescence will have a lasting impact on their lives. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.

Like always I love your posts. This book that Miss Pooler wrote is going to help many women in that situation. I work hard to help my granddaughters to not be victims of abuse. And I teach my grandson and son to never be an abuser or a possessive man with the women in their lives. I’m going through a book with my granddaughters called Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. It is really nice to see the children engaged in the study. Although they are too young to date I want to teach them now so that they would catch the red flags right away.

It is so scary in today’s society with all the media pulling them in the wrong direction. Last night our young girls in church watched Miss Represention, a document that shows how the media exploits women. The first thing my granddaughter said, “Wow! Did you help write that documentary? I felt like I was hearing everything you say to us.” What a nice feeling to see that she is listening. My prayer for them is to be healthy well-rounded Christian women. Thank you for your part in helping to empower women.

Gloria, your work with young girls has a powerful effect, preventing abuse before it ever happens. I’m sure Kathy would agree. Thank you too for your mentioning the book and the video, good resources for readers and the people they influence.

Wow, Gloria, your comments resonated. When I held a book discussion/reading with a group of women at my Church, a suggestion was made to target the Confirmation classes with my message.. As I mentioned above to Judy, catching our young women and men in their formative years makes a lot of sense. You have reinforced this belief with your comments. Brava to you for guiding your grandchildren in a healthy direction. You are doing important work in your youth group. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story.

Thank you, Kathy. Yes it is so important to catch it before it starts, even the emotional abuse which some women including myself fall into. I have one now that I’m trying to help see what her boyfriend has done to her. Yet she doesn’t see it. She just gave birth to another child to him whilst he made her send a 7-year-old child she had prior to meeting him to his grandparents from the father’s side. Very sad case. I pray for her and reached out to her many times, yet she doesn’t budge. I even told him that he is wrong for all he is doing to her and the children. Her name is Elizabeth. Please pray that God would break the chains on this girl.

I may be late to the party, but I am so glad I came! Reading your review, Marian, was pure joy. Descriptive turns of phrase, truthful overview of Kathy’s ups and downs, and a resounding affirmation of a good read. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on what I agree is a wonderfully written and shared story.

My hat is off to both of you for this fine book and excellent review. I agree with all that has been said above and was honored to offer an endorsement and review of Kathy’s book also. So many young women fall prey to abuse, even when they have grown up in happy families. I could feel Kathy going deeper in the book as she continued to ask “why?” and not to let herself (or the men in her life) off the hook until she had answered her own question.

Dear Shirley, I am honored by your endorsement and grateful for your ongoing support. It was a healing process just to ask the question. Finding the answer was the frosting on the cake. Thanks for stopping by.