A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away… George Lucas decided he was tired of being hated for surprisingly lack of talent, and sold his Star Wars empire to Disney for $4 billion dollars so they could take a shot at making a Star Wars movie that wasn’t infantile, the result being Star Wars – The Force Awakens. It turns out this was the most benevolent thing Lucas could’ve done for the Star Wears fans, because The Force Awakens is (more or less) the movie our hearts have ached for ever since we first heard the squeaky gibberish of a poorly animated racist reptilian named apparently by a child. The Force Awakens seems an appropriate title, as it was clearly sleeping during the prequel trilogy, but finally we’re getting an idea of what the Star Wars Universe could feel like when it starts living up to its potential. Sure, it has a couple issues that we have some fun with in this episode, but overall we finally get something to remind us what it feels like to be fulfilled during the Christmas season.

Something that does not live up to its potential, however, is the healthcare system. Ben had to go to the ER this week, and many speculated it was because he finally tried to kill himself. This is actually true, it just wasn’t intentional or quick. After months of his now infamous “starvation diet”, it seems there are adverse health effects to doing something so ill-advised. Man, who saw that coming! Apparently not eating anything for months makes your liver act strange, like producing way to much cholesterol, which can give you gall stones, which can give you pancreatitis and also kill you. All of these things happened and in one second started giving Ben the extreme feeling of a deadly heart attack that lasted for hours. Driving himself to the ER, Ben soon discovered that going to the ER and staying in the hospital is actually worse than death, as you’ll hear when you listen to the episode. Prepare to laugh, cringe, and ultimately pity this sad little man who cannot seem to make a good decision. The next time Ben starts dying, the only good decision he has left will be to just let it happen already.

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