Acerbic comedian Lewis Black brings his act to Sacramento

It's a new year, so, as the season of hope, comedian Lewis Black has locked acerbic in the back room, put surly in the freezer and let cantankerous take a well-deserved vacation.

Yeah, fat chance on that. You want cordial? Find a salesman working on commission. A big smile? Get the greeter at IHOP. An inspiration? Buy a box set of Anthony Robbins DVDs.

With the Manhattan maniac, you get ranting. Very funning ranting. Yes, even during the holidays. It's not as if four Grammy nominations (two wins), a bunch of recordings and books, and even an improved golf game is going to soften his stance.

Take the Lewis Black bobblehead. Really. He has his own bobblehead.

Thrilled? Ecstatic? Proud?

Grrr.

"There were nine versions of it and it came off about as good as you could get," Black said. "Contrary to popular belief, the Chinese don't take orders very well."

It's nearing the end of 2011. Bad year for many. Pretty good one for Black, ready to embark on his 2012 tour with a Jan. 13 appearance at the Veterans Memorial Auditorium in San Rafael and, the following night, at the Sacramento Community Center.

When a good chunk of your slant is politics, it's bound to be a banner season.

"The Republicans think Obama's the worst president ever," Black said by phone. "So they're going to prove they can find someone who's even worse."

"Not because he's incompetent," Black said. "What finally knocked him out was sexual harassment. That's the only thing that made him look presidential."

These little elections, they sure get Black revved up. Not that he'll ever run. He let pal Al Franken do that. Oh, sure, there was a time.

"Early on," thought Black. "But I don't play well with other people. Al seemed to make the transition. Good for him. But I couldn't stomach to be around some of these people. They're a level removed from reality more than I was on my worst LSD trip."

At least the scrutiny of his health wouldn't disclose much. If those sudden outbursts on stage haven't stopped his heart, nothing will.

A self-admitted "nonpracticing Jew" growing up in Washington, D.C., his life wouldn't change much if he had practiced, Black said.

As for seeing something beyond his death, "I'd like to come back immediately, and not as a fish on display in an aquarium at the Mall of America," Black said. "I don't want to do that. That would be a prison sentence. Though coming back as a dolphin would be fun."

Thanks to his spot appearances on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Black attracts a wide age range of supporters.

"From kids showing up in T-shirts with beer sayings to guys in suits," Black said. "I've become the weirdest 'family comic' in history."

It took years of peforming in small towns and big cities, but Black has finally secured his place in comedy lore.

"I've been wandering around the country a long time as a stand-up," Black said. "It's the combination of a lot of things. I was discovered by kids on Comedy Central who forced their parents to watch me."

Almost forgot. This obesity epidemic. Black said when he was a kid, there were no video games and only three channels on TV. So there was nothing to do but go outside and run around, burning off calories.

Still, the culprit, he said, is McDonald's fries. Irresistible, said Black.

"And it took them forever to take the bad stuff out," he said. "They've never tasted the same since. They're OK, but not bliss."

And that whole Mayan calendar thing, with the end of mankind predicted for next December?

"No suck luck," Black said.

Back one space.

"Actually, we've already had the end of the world," he said. "It's so (messed) up, nobody's noticed."

Don't let the bitter outside overlook Black's soft inner core. He donates a ton of cash to various charities. Has even hosted a Cystic Fibrosis event for 17 years.

Black said he's definitely a bit wiser than the early days.

"I saw Steven Wright on 'Johnny Carson' and I thought, 'Wow, if they got Steven, they have to get me.' "