Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Heba Kotb is a conservative Muslim, wears an Islamic head scarf, and goes on television once a week to talk - frankly and in great detail - about sex.

On her show, ``Big Talk,'' Kotb answers questions from Muslims all over the Middle East about the most intimate bedroom issues with an openness that is shocking and revolutionary in a society where discussing the subject is taboo.

``How do I talk about these issues? Very seriously,'' the Egyptian sexologist says. ``I put on a mask-like face and make sure I speak in the right tone of voice.''

She also does it by talking about sex in an Islamic light, arguing that the faith is in favor of pleasure for both men and women, with one important caveat - that it be only in the context of marriage.

``I'm very proud of my religion,'' Kotb told The Associated Press in an interview at Cairo University, where she teaches forensic medicine. ``My studies revealed to me more and more how Islam was ahead in all sexual matters ... I discovered that Islam understood sex long before the rest of the world.''

For example, Islam ``stresses the importance of foreplay,'' Kotb said, and she often stresses to listeners that women should also enjoy sex.

Kotb's frankness is a hit in a region where sex education is minimal, male-female contact is often discouraged and talk on the subject is usually in hushed tones, allowing myths to circulate freely.

She lectured in Saudi Arabia and Yemen recently, where she said many men in the audience where shocked, while women - some with veiled faces - bombarded her with questions.

Kotb, 39 and married with three daughters, studied sexology with Maimonides University, a private school in Florida, and combined it with her own knowledge of her religion to produce a dissertation titled ``Sexuality in Islam.'' She opened a sexology clinic in Cairo in 2002, wrote sex advice columns in newspapers, appeared on talk shows and answered questions on an Arabic Web site.

She started ``Big Talk'' on the independent Egyptian satellite channel El-Mehwar more than two months ago.

Much of her advice is straight biology - laying out facts rarely aired elsewhere. Nothing is too sensitive. She discusses sexual positions, female orgasm, oral sex (allowed, ``since there is no religious text banning it''), even masturbation (frowned upon but at least preferable to unmarried or adulterous sex, which is ``haram,'' meaning forbidden by religion).

She takes a strict Islamic line on homosexuality - she calls it a disease.

Along with doctors, she sometimes brings Islamic clerics onto her show, and many callers ask about the religion's rulings on sexual issues.

Because Islam trumps all else on her show, some complain that it's part of a general inclination in the Middle East to view everything through the prism of religion.

``Sex is an emotional and human condition, not a religious or identity issue,'' she said.

Some complain that youngsters are watching the show.

``So now girls and boys have heard all about Heba's talk about sex ... that will let them know more than they should and will get them excited,'' Somia, a housewife, told AP as she watched ``Big Talk,'' too embarrassed to give her full name.

Kotb says frankness is essential and believes 80 percent of divorces in the Arab world are due to sexual problems brought on by ignorance and societal pressure, such as the idea that man must marry a virgin.

``Many women know nothing about their bodies, not to mention sex, and they were raised to believe sex is for men and a dirty thing,'' she says.

She gives sex education courses for unmarried youths with the consent of their parents, but in her consulting practice takes only married couples. She says she is booked up for two months with couples from across the Arab world.

``It's a beautiful thing what she is doing,'' said Abier El-Barbary, a psychotherapist and faculty member of American University in Cairo. ``It's a long overdue topic tastefully done,'' she said.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Allaah says in surah adh-dhariyaat, verse 55 to "remind, for verily the reminding profits the believers."

shaykh al-albaanee, in his book "the etiquettes of marriage" brings forth the prohibition of spreading bedroom secrets. it is as follows:

23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:

First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Allaah says in surah adh-dhariyaat, verse 55 to "remind, for verily the reminding profits the believers."

shaykh al-albaanee, in his book "the etiquettes of marriage" brings forth the prohibition of spreading bedroom secrets. it is as follows:

23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:

First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

I'm not a Muslim, but it seems to me that the above is discussing gossip, or idle chatter about one's sexual life.

Since Islam was long at the forefront of medical science, and since Islam places such a strong value on marriage and procreation, I can't imagine that all discussion of sexual matters is prohibited.

Men and women should know how each other's bodies work. There's nothing shameful or sinful about anatomy or biology.

I would think this would especially important for men, since Islam places responsibility for the wife's welfare squarely on the husband.

Men should understand how a woman's body works and, moreover, men should know enough to detect possible signs or symptoms of disease. It's not uncommon, for example, for a husband to notice a suspicious lump in his wife's breast before she herself is even aware of it.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Allaah says in surah adh-dhariyaat, verse 55 to "remind, for verily the reminding profits the believers."

shaykh al-albaanee, in his book "the etiquettes of marriage" brings forth the prohibition of spreading bedroom secrets. it is as follows:

23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:

First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

Indeed I have to agree with Cashew that this seems to be more along the lines of discussing things by boasting or to demean or embarass one's spouse. I think there is more benefit from someone learning techniques for the pleasure of their spouse from someone that knows what they are doing then from following the traditional methods of listening to their friends boast about things that they have never done and only read in a maxim magazine. IMHO That's worse then an inexperienced couple fumbling around in the dark without a clue.
Sex is a fact of life that insha'allah we will all experience within the Islamic limits. For a man, sex is easy but a woman's POV is much more complicated and our young men need to learn how to make sure that their wives enjoy their conjugal encounters and look forward to them rather then viewing them as a duty that needs to be fulfilled.
I have seen bad relationships with good sex lives but I have never seen a good relationship with a bad sex life

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Possibly the info which she is giving is correct and educational and all from Islamic stance such as fiqh questions, what is permissable and what is not permissable, correct ettiquette etc BUT it is totally not appropriate for her to go and talk in this way on the television, anyone can tune in and watch... it jst lacks haya in an extreme level to have such a thing :S
Already we have scholars, and people if they have a query can go to them and ask it... including queries of this nature, and they would ask them and get an answer, and does not need to be all over the tv.
Even if she wants to write a book about the correct ettiquette of this in Islam, okay... its a topic which people may need knowledge about, and I think ppl have written such books, or more often a chapter about it within books of marriage. That may be beneficial for people, and also does not involve her sitting in public speaking about these topics with people looking at her face, including men in the audience, i dont know if studio audience or jst at home, but imo that is shameful :S straight face and business like tone of voice of not...
Also to have it on tv, is it really wise? the young children can turn on the tv and they find a women there saying "islam encourages foreplay" n whatever else... they should not know what this means and they dont need to know it until they are becoming in their teenage yrs when they will b soon getting married :S

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?????????????

There is no need for a muslim woman to be so 'frank' inshallah. and this definately crosses the boundry of hayya, far and beyond hayya. Allahu akbar. There is no shyness of such things in Islam, people need to learn, but there are avenues and ways to do it Islamically. A muslim womans modesty should not be comprimised, it should be upheld always.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

her program is very pontifical and very Islamic.....she clear many STUPID misconceptions in a very respectful and educational style

it is not a cheap program

oh and btw......she is Hijabi

Hmm but dont u agree it will be better for her to put this info into a book format not TV? I have not seen it but I cnt imagine how she can talk these topics like publically and infront of men without it going accross the boundary of haya?

Doesnt her husband mind that?! I also find it hard how the hubby would accept her to do it?

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Seventhly ....there are men who can deal with the men alhumdulillah. She isnt the only person in the whole world who knows about such issues. Therefore there is no need for her to be in such a position on tv. Exactly as sis anna mentioned, what about her husband? what about her children??? Subhanallah.

We dont need tv programs about such things. When people have a question or problem, they go to a person of knowledge or a book. Not tune in to a weekly show presented by a sister

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

~coughs~ so uncalled for...I agree with Nawar

"It is He who sent to an illiterate people a messenger from amongst themselves, reciting to them His signs and purifying them and teaching them the Book and the wisdom even though before they were clearly in error." [Soorah al-Jumu`ah (62):2]

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Originally Posted by Nawar

Seventhly ....there are men who can deal with the men alhumdulillah. She isnt the only person in the whole world who knows about such issues. Therefore there is no need for her to be in such a position on tv. Exactly as sis anna mentioned, what about her husband? what about her children??? Subhanallah.

We dont need tv programs about such things. When people have a question or problem, they go to a person of knowledge or a book. Not tune in to a weekly show presented by a sister

If she wants to give some sort of lessons she can write a book or hold classes just for women. No need to come on TV full stop.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

the people in the Arab world don't read as much as you think..........for every 10 hours watching TV they spend less than five minutes reading

so this is the medium which should be used to reach the Muslim Arab population

it has been about two years since her start now and i didn't see any condemnation of her...instead she was praised by many scholars

maybe its because you guys didn't see how she talk about this stuff.......she is very professional....and Islamic

Just because there is a problem with the muslim arab population, doesnt mean its ok for a muslim woman to go on tv and talk so frankly about such issues. If there is a problem, then they evidently need more shows on general Islaam, then the specifics on the intimate relationship between a man and a woman.

How exactly does she give advice, without people revealing intimate details about their relationship, which is not allowed??? and is she a scholar??

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Originally Posted by Nawar

Seventhly ....there are men who can deal with the men alhumdulillah. She isnt the only person in the whole world who knows about such issues. Therefore there is no need for her to be in such a position on tv. Exactly as sis anna mentioned, what about her husband? what about her children??? Subhanallah.

We dont need tv programs about such things. When people have a question or problem, they go to a person of knowledge or a book. Not tune in to a weekly show presented by a sister

maybe the problem is that the men are not addressing these issues?

maybe if the men addressed these issues, there would be no need for her to go on tv.

Text SCHL15 followed by £10 to 70070 and make a difference.Please forward this message to help turn this vision into a reality.The Prophet (SAW) also said, "The believer's shade on the Day of Resurrection will be his Sadaqah." (Ahmad)

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

i agree with yusra also.....

"It is He who sent to an illiterate people a messenger from amongst themselves, reciting to them His signs and purifying them and teaching them the Book and the wisdom even though before they were clearly in error." [Soorah al-Jumu`ah (62):2]

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Mashallah I think the program is a fantastic one much needed. Insha'Allah i hope it goes on to do Well. My eygyptian friend mentioned this to me a long while ago and I read journal article in the economist about it last year.

A lot of people have been inspired by the program. She has managed to capture a audience that was very hard to relate to, she has drawn the empahsis of sex within marriage and the beauty of a relationship within islam and the rights bestowed upon both spouses. She does not speak suggestivly or candidly and offer 'tips' and postions etc as we see in the west. Instead she details the rights/obligations etc and has opended many peoples eyes to a lot of important issues. Subhan'Allah some men were not even aware of their wives rights within the bedroom!?

So what if the presenters a woman what i sthe problem with this. She observes hijaab, she is modest. The issue and topic she is discussing is NOT taboo or haraam it is a important and much needed one. NOT eveyone can read or has access to a scholar, may are illiterate.

Did Aisha(ra) not educate the men . There is no shyness in knowledge.. Not all men can talk and address such issues confidently, sometimes things are beteer coming from a woman. How is she loosing her Hayaa by talking about a important tpoic. Are we not all adults. Or will be giggle and laugh whilst watching her dicsuss sex?

Those who argue she should not be on tv- We've had that discussion get over it. If thats what you believe fine, but thats YOUR opinion and scholars agree woman can go on tv.

I wish her every success

Knowledge and intelligence leads one who possesses it to do good acts and prevents him from evil.

Ignorance on the other hand, calls the one who is ignorant to conform to his desires, even if it is harmful to him.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Originally Posted by muslimah85

Mashallah I think the program is a fantastic one much needed. Insha'Allah i hope it goes on to do Well. My eygyptian friend mentioned this to me a long while ago and I read journal article in the economist about it last year.

A lot of people have been inspired by the program. She has managed to capture a audience that was very hard to relate to, she has drawn the empahsis of sex within marriage and the beauty of a relationship within islam and the rights bestowed upon both spouses. She does not speak suggestivly or candidly and offer 'tips' and postions etc as we see in the west. Instead she details the rights/obligations etc and has opended many peoples eyes to a lot of important issues. Subhan'Allah some men were not even aware of their wives rights within the bedroom!?

So what if the presenters a woman what i sthe problem with this. She observes hijaab, she is modest. The issue and topic she is discussing is NOT taboo or haraam it is a important and much needed one. NOT eveyone can read or has access to a scholar, may are illiterate.

Did Aisha(ra) not educate the men . There is no shyness in knowledge.. Not all men can talk and address such issues confidently, sometimes things are beteer coming from a woman. How is she loosing her Hayaa by talking about a important tpoic. Are we not all adults. Or will be giggle and laugh whilst watching her dicsuss sex?

Those who argue she should not be on tv- We've had that discussion get over it. If thats what you believe fine, but thats YOUR opinion and scholars agree woman can go on tv.

I wish her every success

I see your opinion and I understand what you are saying.

If she has to come on T.V then I hope that the least she does is cover her face like Aaisha (RA) since you mentioned her example.. the women scholars taught behind a screen, and I don't mean a television screen.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

m85 nicely put sis..I still didn't see her speak, so I thought she was way too open if you know what I mean.

MashaAllah nice reply tho..

Aisha (ra) did educate men, but she used to talk to them behind a curtain, and put a finger in her mouth to disguise her voice, because she had a pretty voice and she was young.

Just add to the discussion

"It is He who sent to an illiterate people a messenger from amongst themselves, reciting to them His signs and purifying them and teaching them the Book and the wisdom even though before they were clearly in error." [Soorah al-Jumu`ah (62):2]

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Originally Posted by muslimah85

Mashallah I think the program is a fantastic one much needed. Insha'Allah i hope it goes on to do Well. My eygyptian friend mentioned this to me a long while ago and I read journal article in the economist about it last year.

A lot of people have been inspired by the program. She has managed to capture a audience that was very hard to relate to, she has drawn the empahsis of sex within marriage and the beauty of a relationship within islam and the rights bestowed upon both spouses. She does not speak suggestivly or candidly and offer 'tips' and postions etc as we see in the west. Instead she details the rights/obligations etc and has opended many peoples eyes to a lot of important issues. Subhan'Allah some men were not even aware of their wives rights within the bedroom!?

So what if the presenters a woman what i sthe problem with this. She observes hijaab, she is modest. The issue and topic she is discussing is NOT taboo or haraam it is a important and much needed one. NOT eveyone can read or has access to a scholar, may are illiterate.

Did Aisha(ra) not educate the men . There is no shyness in knowledge.. Not all men can talk and address such issues confidently, sometimes things are beteer coming from a woman. How is she loosing her Hayaa by talking about a important tpoic. Are we not all adults. Or will be giggle and laugh whilst watching her dicsuss sex?

Those who argue she should not be on tv- We've had that discussion get over it. If thats what you believe fine, but thats YOUR opinion and scholars agree woman can go on tv.

I wish her every success

modesty? men viewing..did that not occure to u?

“The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Theres nothing to 'get over'. This discussion isnt about being on tv. Its about being on tv discussing sensitive issues.

Men have access to the knowledge elsewhere. From men. So that argument doesnt really stand. Aisha (rdn) was giving knowledge at a time where she was the best person to attain the knowledge of Islam from, being the narrater or many ahadith etc etc. Further to this, such learning was private, among few people. Not in public, on a weekly show, being tune in to on tv regularly.

There is no shyness in learning, when you have a question, ask it of the people of knowledge. There is no need for such shows.

And can someone who has watched the show answer my question. How does she give advice without people revealing their personal problems???

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

People, if anyone has a problem with it, email the TV show producers.

You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

they musnt see women day in day out or come into contact with them in daily life. Jee :sctract:

Maybe that did not occur to you?

oh it did.

tv is haram..we shud have accepted that already.

but then women come on to give sex advice is totally biazaare.

i wonder what Muhammad SAW would have to say..

(by the way please dont take anything personally )

“The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Originally Posted by Ebony

People, if anyone has a problem with it, email the TV show producers.

heyyy theres an idea...

we should do that with evrything

“The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

Re: Muslim Woman Gives Sex Advice on Arab TV

Originally Posted by bint

heyyy theres an idea...

we should do that with evrything

Well if they supply an email address, why not, beats harping about it on here < have some binty

You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.