Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5091

Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What are the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That’s the talking clock," the student replied.
"How does it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch!" said the man, and he proceeded to give the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall: "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's 2 a.m.!" Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5092

Speeding Fire Engine
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past with its siren wailing and lights flashing.
Immediately, the drunk begins chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.
In a last act of desperation, he shouts after the fire engine: "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice cream!" Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5093

Fat Girls And Mopeds
Q. What do fat girls and mopeds have in common?
A. They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5094

Tap Dancing Duck
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap-dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger. "Your duck is a rip off!" he said: "I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"Well sure," says the duck’s former owner: "You have to remember to light the candle under the pot." Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
5095

Washing Machine
A couple decides to make "washing machine" their password for sex. One night, the husband turns to his wife and says: "Washing machine."
The wife replies: "Not tonight, honey. I have a headache."
An hour later, feeling guilty, she says the password herself.
"Thanks anyway," her husband replies: "but it was only a small load, so I did it by hand." Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5096

Great Seat
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau Field. Using his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste," he made his way down to the empty seat and asked the man sitting next to it if it was taken.
"This was my wife's seat," the man replied: "She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss," the other man replied: "May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
"I wanted to," the man replied: "but they're all at the funeral." Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5097

Crossword Puzzle
It's a quiet afternoon at the Vatican and the Pope decides to do a crossword. After a while, he looks puzzled.
"Can you think of a four letter word for a woman ending in 'u-n-t'?" he asks ones of his cardinals.
"Hmm, that would be 'aunt'," the cardinal replies.
"Oh, of course," says the Pope: "Can I borrow your eraser?"
Ryan Murphy