Getting Ready to Jump

“Emotional discomfort, when accepted, rises, crests and falls in a series of waves. Each wave washes a part of us away and deposits treasures we never imagined. Out goes naivete, in comes wisdom; out goes anger, in comes discernment; out goes despair, in comes kindness. No one would call it easy, but the rhythm of emotional pain that we learn to tolerate is natural, constructive and expansive… The pain leaves you healthier than it found you.” – Beck

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There are two ways to handle a chronic illness. You can manage it or it can manage you. Every day you have to make a choice to go on the path you desire to get you to where you want to be; personally, professionally, spiritually, et cetera. If you don’t, your body is more likely to run you down as it’s easy to get lost in the minutiae of your daily challenges.

To be completely honest, we all have to make the choice to persevere in our daily life. If you don’t choose to survive, it’s easy be torn away from a positive place and brought right into the three-ring circus of a shit show life that is coming at you faster than a bat out of hell.

So don’t.
Don’t get lost.

Easier said than done, right? When my doctor told me to “not stress” and take it easy with a new diagnosis of Behcet’s. I’m oddly not as terrified as I was at first. I’m not certain but I believe I may be a bit numb right now as my body has had a procedure two weeks ago and I’ve had 12 doctors appointments in the meantime. I basically have the body of a 90 year old in my 36 year old leather shell.

I tiptoed around writing about it as I’m retreating to get away from life for a few days and come home next week for a week then go to New York to explore a new route. More to come on that, I’m still processing a lot.

I was aggressively asked about why I post about it at all and the answer is simple. I want people to know they’re not alone. According to the CDC, six in ten Americans live with at least one chronic disease. So many of them are silent diseases that impact us in every facet of our daily lives.

The strugle is real and that struggle is here with me now. I don’t want pity, attention, nor concern. I want someone, anyone, to find connectivity in my words and use them to know that even though it may feel like you’re completely alone, you’re not.

The real friends around you will rally. The faux friends will gossip. The rest are usually terrified to talk about their problems so their emotions are sealed in a vault worthy of Fort Knox. Either way, we’re all trying to survive our own journey… that in itself is an accomplishment.

I feel incredibly grateful to know that there’s a next step that pragmatically looks promising.

In the meantime, hang tight with some surface topics because my BTS, behind the scenes, life is quite chaotic and downright terrifying but I’m sharing glimpses with the flare of shallow images with topics that require me to jump into a new space without the ground in a
sight.

Thanks for your understanding and allowing me to survive this and share parts of it with you as I grow with knowledge everyday that I hope will lead me into remission. It’s a solitary life; which makes my blog my cathartic space. Thank you for taking a moment of your life to read about the words to describe mine.

I’m a 30-something Louisville dweller and aficionado. As you browse around please note that you’re in the sanctuary of the space I call home where my writing is about life, love, and the city of Louisville. I’m honored to have you here. Thank you for visiting my space.