Ballhawking and baseball from a Pirates Season Ticket Holder

2011 Pittsburgh Pirates Promotional Schedule

*Bloggers note: The following is not actually the Pirates 2011 Promotional Schedule

Dear Pirates fans,

This is Team President Frank Coonelly, I hope this letter finds you in good spirits as we have tried our best to build a winner for the first time in years. We have spent some money on proven talent in Scott Olsen, Matt Diaz, Kevin Correia and Lyle Overbay and always have some room to build.

After much thought and deliberation, the Pirates Promotional Schedule has been released, and here are some of the highlights:

1. Opening Day Schedules- Well actually all you get are the 2010 ones with former Pirate Lastings Milledge on them. You don’t really get a 2011 schedule, it wasn’t in the budget (well it was, and then we signed Lyle Overbay).

2. John Russell Bobblehead- The first bobblehead of the season, there are three iconic images to choose from. All images feature Russell with his back to you. The first and most classic bobblehead captures the image of him walking to the mound to make a pitching change. The second features him walking back to the dugout after arguing with the umpire. The third bobblehead features him anxiously pacing the dugout. Although the bobbleheads look the exact same, the bobbleheads are in fact different. Be sure to buy plenty of tickets to collect all three!

3. Joe Kerrigan figurine- Be careful. If you hold on to the figurine for too long, your pitching motion may get worse (see Zach Duke)

4. Charlie Morton Guitar Hero- This exclusive PNC Park video game is compatible for the Playstation 3, XBOX 360 or Wii. It is a play on Guitar Hero, with you playing the guitar and trying to sing better than Pirates pitcher Charlie Morton. Morton is your mentor and offers two lines repeated over and over again to help you. Have fun and rock out!

5. Scratch and Win Mondays – Yes that’s right Pirates fan, Scratch and Win Mondays are back by popular demand. The winner of each week gets a pitching session with Matt Morris. Morris (who of course will get paid $10 million for this) will give you “great” advice on how to pitch. He has truly helped and inspired many players, just ask Ian Snell.

6. Free ticket day- Who wants a free Lexus Club ticket? I mean this promo worked for the Rays (then again they are a playoff team).

7. Pirates Pillow Pet- This will trump last year’s Snuggie promo by a mile….!

8. Steve Miller Band Concert- Who can forget last year’s rainy game when Steve Miller Band came to PNC and was told to get off the field and instead cussed out the grounds crew. Well here they are, back for another go around.

9. Consol Energy Center Day- In an attempt to get an actual sellout crowd, the Pirates will play a game at Consol Energy Center, home of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Will they get a sellout… probably not.

10. Ballhawk day- In the first ever year of doing this, the Pirates will put 500 baseballs in left field, 500 baseballs in center field, 500 baseballs in right field and 500 more baseballs throughout the park. Ballhawks will get 90 minutes to grab as many baseballs as they can. Whatever they can get, they keep. It will probably be the most aggressive effort at the ballpark all night. Must sign waiver before going for the baseballs.

11. Aki Iwamura day- Aki’s number 3 is retired by the Pirates, never to be used again.

2 Comments

Love the fiestiness of the Steve Miller Band. Hopefully it rubbed off on the Pirates this off season.
Really surprised and interested in the Ballhawk Day promotion.
Could be a great time, or a few black eyes as over-the-hill ballers try and take on the kids that still got the moves and speed. Hopefully the day is co-sponsored by Ben Gay, because a lot of the participants will be aching the next morning.
Looks like a lot of fun time being a Bucco fan in 2011.
Still curious on how good the Guitar Hero promo will turn out….. Maybe bring out Bill and Ted for an Excellient PNC Adventure.

The Steve Miller Band event actually happened last season and very close to the end of the season they actually will perform.

Again, these are all fake as Frank Coonelly would never just give away all of those baseballs or bash his talent searching skills. The ballhawk idea would be great but with bp going on someone could get hurt.

Not much fun being a Bucco fan these years but it definitely has its priviledges.

A lot of teenagers would show up for that promotion but the limited expressions would eventually wear off on people.

An excellent PNC Park adventure could be needed with these fake promotions!

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