By this time, my husband would come out of the bathroom screaming, “Apasalni Nizzar…?!!” And he would stare angrily at his daddy.

In the car going to school, both of us would be very quiet. He would be sulking and I would still be angry at him.

But nearing school, “Mummy, hold my hand, please..”

Masa tu lah rasa nak turn back and start all over again from home! Masa tu jugak lah rasa kesian pada budak ni,.. pagi2 lagi dah kena bangun, mandi, pegi sekolah while everybody else is still sleeping. Then I would feel very bad for yelling at him.

Sampai sekolah, he would hesitantly get out of the car. I would tell myself, “Be patient, be very patient. This is not easy for him, so don’t make it worse.”

“Mummy, please walk with me to school…”

At that cue, I would be betting, “Would he cry or not?”

So, I would take his hand and walk with him to the assembly area.

There are many parents going in and out of the school gate after dropping off their kids. Some would say hello to us and say, “Wah… you’re a good boy today, Nizzar… Don’t cry, ok..”.

But my little boy would just hold on to my hands tightly and not look up to the stranger’s face.

When we reach the spot where I would normally leave him, he would quickly hug me and won’t let me go. And he would start to cry..

“Mummy… I don’t want to go… I’ll miss you Mummy…” Sob, sob..

“No Nizzar, you have to go to school. Mummy have to go to work. It’s only for a while. Later when Mummy come back from work, we can play, ok.” I tried my best to calm him down. “Take a deep breath and stop crying.” , I added.

He would continue sobbing.

I have no choice but to push him away from me before it gets worse. Sometimes, I would ask one of the prefects to take him to his class, sometimes I would just leave him there so he’d make his own way to class.

It’s hard to let him go but if I stayed on, he would continue crying.

But there were some good days. Days when he would cheerfully waved at me as I took my leave. These would be happy days for me.

Now that he knows how to call me from the public phone, I’ve been getting his calls every morning at 9am when he breaks for recess. He would call me twice; once as soon as he comes out of class and the second time after he finished eating.

It’s quite nice to hear his voice like that. I just hope the teachers won’t disallow him from calling me every so often.

Next week, real class will start. I hope Nizzar can understand what is being taught and will be able to do his work well.