Police Enquiry finds President Kennedy 'died of natural causes'

An exhasutive enquiry by the same top police specialists who investigated the death of Boris Berezovsky have concluded that President John Kennedy died of natural causes in Dallas in November 1963.

Said the head of the elite squad of experienced experts, Community Police Officer Atkinson: 'Me and the lads has had a good look at the evidence, and it's obvious he just keeled over and died. His time had come.'

When asked why Lee Harvey Oswald had been arrested for shooting the president, CPO Atkinson said 'That was just a coincidence. We have thoroughly examined the evidence and no-one else was to blame, because if they were then they've said we might die of natural gunshot wounds in the back.'