Monday, February 17, 2014

That Elusive Date

I had my first activity on the online dating site in well over a month. As usual, it was a very nice lady who I'm sorry to say, looks physically unlike what my profile describes as who I'm looking for. I hate to put it that way. It makes me sound shallow. She could be everything that I'm looking for in a person personality wise. But I honestly need to have that physical attraction, and not one of the women who has contacted me fits who I'm looking for. In addition, not one of the women I've contacted has acknowledged me. I guess that's how this stuff works. If you're not interested in someone, you don't have to acknowledge them. Sad. I always write back to any woman who writes to me, or shows their interest. Oh, well.

I've been having tremendous dreams over the past six months or so. I don't know if it's because of the meds I'm on or what, but my sleep patterns have resulted in some pretty bizarre dreams. Sometimes, they make sense. I might have an incredibly romantic dream. When that happens, I tend to start thinking about the romantic relationships I've had in the past. My wife loved to kiss, and was the only woman to ever tell me my kisses made her weak in the knees. That was a pretty nice compliment. That's the kind of thing that drives me toward wanting to find a partner.

It's amazing to me how many women are out there looking for a husband, and how many guys, like me, who are looking for a wife, but can't make a connection when given the opportunity. I think we're all way too picky. I think the other part of this is how ridiculous it is for those of us who are introverts to be paralyzed over finding a mate. It becomes so hard to even say something to someone who may be completely interested, but are turned away only because I can't tell them the feeling is mutual. The words just don't want to come out. It's happened to me many times. Lack of self-confidence is my biggest problem. I just assume that she wouldn't be interested in me, so I don't even try, thinking I've saved us both from embarrassment.

The few times that I've actually taken the chance to ask someone out, I've done okay. I've very rarely not gotten at least a first date once I've instigated a conversation. I figure, if they're really not interested, they'll tell me.

I remember being matched with a beautiful young lady at eHarmony, and we went out and had what I thought was a nice time, though the evening ended much earlier than I would've liked. After walking her to her car and saying goodnight, she called me about 5 minutes later to apologize for the early evening. She was tired, but didn't want to disappoint me or get the wrong idea. It gave me the opportunity to ask her for a second date, since I didn't think she was interested, and she agreed. The second date was fantastic. She made me a steak dinner, then asked me to join her at her church's advent service. We went back to her place for a little while and had a nice chat. Then I figured I had better leave, as it was getting late. I thought we had really made a connection, but upon a third date try, she told me she didn't feel the same, and that was that. My point is that you just never know how these dates are going to go. I'm glad this girl actually gave me a chance.

I admit I'm not the most exciting guy around. I'd love to be the most interesting guy around, like the Dos Equis beer commercials, but that's just not me. I'm a safe guy. Not ugly, but not attractive. Not in shape, but not out of shape. Not boring, but not the most exciting.

So I'll keep looking. I'm not desperate, but I would like to find someone. I keep hoping I'll find someone, sometime, somewhere....

2 comments:

I've not been in your shoes but I've had this thought several times when you've posted about dating sites and so I'm just going to go ahead with it. Feel free to disregard it if you like.

When I consider my own dating history and even the person I ultimately married, WHO THEY ARE was what made them attractive to me. I mean, I totally get that there may be certain things that are just so far out of line that you can't get past them, but when I consider the guys I did date, they varied in height, weight, in hair color, eye color, etc. All of that. What they had in common was kindness, intelligence, a good sense of humor and a love of children. Those qualities and their personalities made them someone that I saw in a different light and that was what made them attractive.

I worry that you might be closing the door preemptively on some women who might become very attractive to you once you get to know them.

Again, dunno. Feel free to toss this comment entirely. But the thought has come back to me every time I read your posts about dating. :)

Hi, Leeann. I always appreciate your comments. I should make it clear that it's not like I'm getting a lot of attention. It's the few women who have contacted me that do not fit my profile in personality nor in appearance. It's doubly frustrating to contact women who DO match who I'm looking for, and I appear to be a match for them, who don't return my interest. It's terribly disappointing. Let me be clear, though...I have thought about exactly what you're suggesting. That's why I made the comment about this making me look shallow. Maybe it's the way men are wired versus women. I found my wife to be beautiful physically even before I got to know her, at which point I fell in love with the whole person. And it has been this way with every other relationship I've been in. What you state is very true, though. It's all about taking chances.

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