Alan Quatermain, by H. Rider Haggard

Chapter 23

I Have Spoken

It was a week after Nyleptha’s visit, when I had begun to get about a little in the middle of the day, that a
message came to me from Sir Henry to say that Sorais would be brought before them in the Queen’s first antechamber at
midday, and requesting my attendance if possible. Accordingly, greatly drawn by curiosity to see this unhappy woman
once more, I made shift, with the help of that kind little fellow Alphonse, who is a perfect treasure to me, and that
of another waiting-man, to reach the antechamber. I got there, indeed, before anybody else, except a few of the great
Court officials who had been bidden to be present, but I had scarcely seated myself before Sorais was brought in by a
party of guards, looking as beautiful and defiant as ever, but with a worn expression on her proud face. She was, as
usual, dressed in her royal ‘kaf’, emblazoned with the emblem of the Sun, and in her right hand she still held the toy
spear of silver. A pang of admiration and pity went through me as I looked at her, and struggling to my feet I bowed
deeply, at the same time expressing my sorrow that I was not able, owing to my condition, to remain standing before
her.

She coloured a little and then laughed bitterly. ‘Thou dost forget, Macumazahn,’ she said, ‘I am no more a Queen,
save in blood; I am an outcast and a prisoner, one whom all men should scorn, and none show deference to.’

‘At least,’ I replied, ‘thou art still a lady, and therefore one to whom deference is due. Also, thou art in an evil
case, and therefore it is doubly due.’

‘Ah!’ she answered, with a little laugh, ‘thou dost forget that I would have wrapped thee in a sheet of gold and
hung thee to the angel’s trumpet at the topmost pinnacle of the Temple.’

‘No,’ I answered, ‘I assure thee that I forgot it not; indeed, I often thought of it when it seemed to me that the
battle of the Pass was turning against us; but the trumpet is there, and I am still here, though perchance not for
long, so why talk of it now?’

‘Ah!’ she went on, ‘the battle! the battle! Oh, would that I were once more a Queen, if only for one little hour,
and I would take such a vengeance on those accursed jackals who deserted me in my need; that it should only be spoken
of in whispers; those woman, those pigeon-hearted half-breeds who suffered themselves to be overcome!’ and she choked
in her wrath.

‘Ay, and that little coward beside thee,’ she went on, pointing at Alphonse with the silver spear, whereat he looked
very uncomfortable; ‘he escaped and betrayed my plans. I tried to make a general of him, telling the soldiers it was
Bougwan, and to scourge valour into him’ (here Alphonse shivered at some unhappy recollection), ‘but it was of no
avail. He hid beneath a banner in my tent and thus overheard my plans. I would that I had slain him, but, alas! I held
my hand.

‘And thou, Macumazahn, I have heard of what thou didst; thou art brave, and hast a loyal heart. And the black one
too, ah, he was a man. I would fain have seen him hurl Nasta from the stairway.’

‘Thou art a strange woman, Sorais,’ I said; ‘I pray thee now plead with the Queen Nyleptha, that perchance she may
show mercy unto thee.’

She laughed out loud. ‘I plead for mercy!’ she said and at that moment the Queen entered, accompanied by Sir Henry
and Good, and took her seat with an impassive face. As for poor Good, he looked intensely ill at ease.

‘Greeting, Sorais!’ said Nyleptha, after a short pause. ‘Thou hast rent the kingdom like a rag, thou hast put
thousands of my people to the sword, thou hast twice basely plotted to destroy my life by murder, thou hast sworn to
slay my lord and his companions and to hurl me from the Stairway. What hast thou to say why thou shouldst not die?
Speak, O Sorais!’

‘Methinks my sister the Queen hath forgotten the chief count of the indictment,’ answered Sorais in her slow musical
tones. ‘It runs thus: “Thou didst strive to win the love of my lord Incubu.” It is for this crime that my sister will
slay me, not because I levied war. It is perchance happy for thee, Nyleptha, that I fixed my mind upon his love too
late.

‘Listen,’ she went on, raising her voice. ‘I have nought to say save that I would I had won instead of lost. Do thou
with me even as thou wilt, O Queen, and let my lord the King there’ (pointing to Sir Henry) — ‘for now will he be King
— carry out the sentence, as it is meet he should, for as he is the beginning of the evil, let him also be the end.’
And she drew herself up and shot one angry glance at him from her deep fringed eyes, and then began to toy with her
spear.

Sir Henry bent towards Nyleptha and whispered something that I could not catch, and then the Queen spoke.

‘Sorais, ever have I been a good sister to thee. When our father died, and there was much talk in the land as to
whether thou shouldst sit upon the throne with me, I being the elder, I gave my voice for thee and said, “Nay, let her
sit. She is twin with me; we were born at a birth; wherefore should the one be preferred before the other?” And so has
it ever been ‘twixt thee and me, my sister. But now thou knowest in what sort thou hast repaid me, but I have
prevailed, and thy life is forfeit, Sorais. And yet art thou my sister, born at a birth with me, and we played together
when we were little and loved each other much, and at night we slept in the same cot with our arms each around the
other’s neck, and therefore even now does my heart go out to thee, Sorais.

‘But not for that would I spare thy life, for thy offence has been too heavy; it doth drag down the wide wings of my
mercy even to the ground. Also, while thou dost live the land will never be at peace.

‘Yet shalt thou not die, Sorais, because my dear lord here hath begged thy life of me as a boon; therefore as a boon
and as a marriage gift give I it to him, to do with even as he wills, knowing that, though thou dost love him, he loves
thee not, Sorais, for all thy beauty. Nay, though thou art lovely as the night in all her stars, O Lady of the Night,
yet it is me his wife whom he loves, and not thee, and therefore do I give thy life to him.’

Sorais flushed up to her eyes and said nothing, and I do not think that I ever saw a man look more miserable than
did Sir Henry at that moment. Somehow, Nyleptha’s way of putting the thing, though true and forcible enough, was not
altogether pleasant.

‘I understand,’ stammered Curtis, looking at Good, ‘I understood that he were attached — eh — attached to — to the
Queen Sorais. I am — eh — not aware what the — in short, the state of your feelings may be just now; but if they
happened to be that way inclined, it has struck me that — in short, it might put a satisfactory end to an unpleasant
business. The lady also has ample private estates, where I am sure she would be at liberty to live unmolested as far as
we are concerned, eh, Nyleptha? Of course, I only suggest.’

‘So far as I am concerned,’ said Good, colouring up, ‘I am quite willing to forget the past; and if the Lady of the
Night thinks me worth the taking I will marry her tomorrow, or when she likes, and try to make her a good husband.’

All eyes were now turned to Sorais, who stood with that same slow smile upon her beautiful face which I had noticed
the first time that I ever saw her. She paused a little while, and cleared her throat, and then thrice she curtseyed
low, once to Nyleptha, once to Curtis, and once to Good, and began to speak in measured tones.

‘I thank thee, most gracious Queen and royal sister, for the loving-kindness thou hast shown me from my youth up,
and especially in that thou hast been pleased to give my person and my fate as a gift to the Lord Incubu — the King
that is to be. May prosperity, peace and plenty deck the life-path of one so merciful and so tender, even as flowers
do. Long mayst thou reign, O great and glorious Queen, and hold thy husband’s love in both thy hands, and many be the
sons and daughters of thy beauty. And I thank thee, my Lord Incubu — the King that is to be — I thank thee a thousand
times in that thou hast been pleased to accept that gracious gift, and to pass it on to thy comrade in arms and in
adventure, the Lord Bougwan. Surely the act is worthy of thy greatness, my Lord Incubu. And now, lastly, I thank thee
also, my Lord Bougwan, who in thy turn hast deigned to accept me and my poor beauty. I thank thee a thousand times, and
I will add that thou art a good and honest man, and I put my hand upon my heart and swear that I would that I could say
thee “yea”. And now that I have rendered thanks to all in turn’ — and again she smiled — ‘I will add one short
word.

‘Little can you understand of me, Queen Nyleptha and my lords, if ye know not that for me there is no middle path;
that I scorn your pity and hate you for it; that I cast off your forgiveness as though it were a serpent’s sting; and
that standing here, betrayed, deserted, insulted, and alone, I yet triumph over you, mock you, and defy you, one and
all, and thus I answer you.’ And then, of a sudden, before anybody guessed what she intended to do, she drove
the little silver spear she carried in her hand into her side with such a strong and steady aim that the keen point
projected through her back, and she fell prone upon the pavement.

Nyleptha shrieked, and poor Good almost fainted at the sight, while the rest of us rushed towards her. But Sorais of
the Night lifted herself upon her hand, and for a moment fixed her glorious eyes intently on Curtis’ face, as though
there were some message in the glance, then dropped her head and sighed, and with a sob her dark but splendid spirit
passed.

Well, they gave her a royal funeral, and there was an end of her.

It was a month after the last act of the Sorais tragedy that a great ceremony was held in the Flower Temple, and
Curtis was formally declared King–Consort of Zu–Vendis. I was too ill to go myself; and indeed, I hate all that sort of
thing, with the crowds and the trumpet-blowing and banner-waving; but Good, who was there (in his full-dress uniform),
came back much impressed, and told me that Nyleptha had looked lovely, and Curtis had borne himself in a right royal
fashion, and had been received with acclamations that left no doubt as to his popularity. Also he told me that when the
horse Daylight was led along in the procession, the populace had shouted ‘Macumazahn, Macumazahn!’ till they
were hoarse, and would only be appeased when he, Good, rose in his chariot and told them that I was too ill to be
present.

Afterwards, too, Sir Henry, or rather the King, came to see me, looking very tired, and vowing that he had never
been so bored in his life; but I dare say that that was a slight exaggeration. It is not in human nature that a man
should be altogether bored on such an extraordinary occasion; and, indeed, as I pointed out to him, it was a marvellous
thing that a man, who but little more than one short year before had entered a great country as an unknown wanderer,
should today be married to its beautiful and beloved Queen, and lifted, amidst public rejoicings, to its throne. I even
went the length to exhort him in the future not to be carried away by the pride and pomp of absolute power, but always
to strive to remember that he was first a Christian gentleman, and next a public servant, called by Providence to a
great and almost unprecedented trust. These remarks, which he might fairly have resented, he was so good as to receive
with patience, and even to thank me for making them.

It was immediately after this ceremony that I caused myself to be moved to the house where I am now writing. It is a
very pleasant country seat, situated about two miles from the Frowning City, on to which it looks. That was five months
ago, during the whole of which time I have, being confined to a kind of couch, employed my leisure in compiling this
history of our wanderings from my journal and from our joint memories. It is probable that it will never be read, but
it does not much matter whether it is or not; at any rate, it has served to while away many hours of suffering, for I
have suffered a deal of pain lately. Thank God, however, there will not be much more of it.

It is a week since I wrote the above, and now I take up my pen for the last time, for I know that the end is at
hand. My brain is still clear and I can manage to write, though with difficulty. The pain in my lung, which has been
very bad during the last week, has suddenly quite left me, and been succeeded by a feeling of numbness of which I
cannot mistake the meaning. And just as the pain has gone, so with it all fear of that end has departed, and I feel
only as though I were going to sink into the arms of an unutterable rest. Happily, contentedly, and with the same sense
of security with which an infant lays itself to sleep in its mother’s arms, do I lay myself down in the arms of the
Angel Death. All the tremors, all the heart-shaking fears which have haunted me through a life that seems long as I
looked back upon it, have left me now; the storms have passed, and the Star of our Eternal Hope shines clear and steady
on the horizon that seems so far from man, and yet is so very near to me tonight.

And so this is the end of it — a brief space of troubling, a few restless, fevered, anguished years, and then the
arms of that great Angel Death. Many times have I been near to them, and now it is my turn at last, and it is well.
Twenty-four hours more and the world will be gone from me, and with it all its hopes and all its fears. The air will
close in over the space that my form filled and my place know me no more; for the dull breath of the world’s
forgetfulness will first dim the brightness of my memory, and then blot it out for ever, and of a truth I shall be
dead. So is it with us all. How many millions have lain as I lie, and thought these thoughts and been forgotten! —
thousands upon thousands of years ago they thought them, those dying men of the dim past; and thousands on thousands of
years hence will their descendants think them and be in their turn forgotten. ‘As the breath of the oxen in winter, as
the quick star that runs along the sky, as a little shadow that loses itself at sunset,’ as I once heard a Zulu called
Ignosi put it, such is the order of our life, the order that passeth away.

Well, it is not a good world — nobody can say that it is, save those who wilfully blind themselves to facts. How can
a world be good in which Money is the moving power, and Self-interest the guiding star? The wonder is not that it is so
bad, but that there should be any good left in it.

Still, now that my life is over, I am glad to have lived, glad to have known the dear breath of woman’s love, and
that true friendship which can even surpass the love of woman, glad to have heard the laughter of little children, to
have seen the sun and the moon and the stars, to have felt the kiss of the salt sea on my face, and watched the wild
game trek down to the water in the moonlight. But I should not wish to live again!

Everything is changing to me. The darkness draws near, and the light departs. And yet it seems to me that through
that darkness I can already see the shining welcome of many a long-lost face. Harry is there, and others; one above
all, to my mind the sweetest and most perfect woman that ever gladdened this grey earth. But of her I have already
written elsewhere, and at length, so why speak of her now? Why speak of her after this long silence, now that she is
again so near to me, now that I go where she has gone?

The sinking sun is turning the golden roof of the great Temple to a fiery flame, and my fingers tire.

So to all who have known me, or known of me, to all who can think one kindly thought of the old hunter, I stretch
out my hand from the far-off shore and bid a long farewell.

And now into the hands of Almighty God, who sent it, do I commit my spirit.