3 Reasons To Stop Trying So Hard To Make Other People Happy

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”

Groucho Marx (American Comedian)

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”

Wayne Dyer (American Psychologist)

“Happiness depends on ourselves.”

Aristotle (Greek Philosopher)

Constantly feeling obligated to make other people happy is incredibly destructive.

(I know this because I used to be a chronic approval seeker.)

Obligation and a feeling of indebtedness is an automatic veto on your needs, your rights, and your goals.

Enter that empty feeling you get when you watch someone else pretending to be happy.

Why You Need To Stop Trying To Please Everyone

Scientific studies show that trying to please everyone can lead to burnout, anxiety, reckless behavior, and depression.

This applies to both our personal and professional lives. Research from Concordia University reported in Human Relations Journal that employees that felt obligated to their employer suffered from emotional burnout and emotional exhaustion, stating…

“It may be that, in the absence of an emotional bond with the organization, commitment based on obligation is experienced as a kind of indebtedness — a loss of autonomy that is emotionally draining over time…”

Stop bending over backwards trying to make your boss happy.

Stop using corporate obligation as a reason to avoid seeking other opportunities that might make you happy.

The stakes are even greater with the same dynamics in interpersonal relationships.

In extreme situations, this is referred to as sociotropy, which is an unbalanced preoccupation with personal relationships.

The Journal of Depression and Anxiety reports it as the opposite of autonomy, and involves a dependence on others for acceptance and approval, making it a prime factor (as is approval seeking in general) for depression.

Look, we all want to be liked.

We all (secretly or not) want approval from others, particularly those we care about.

Psych Central reports that we all have a need for validation and in fact, we are engineered that way through our development, as children looking at our parents for approval, acknowledgment, and pride for our achievements and victories.

As adults, we all want someone in our corner to do the same.

Consider it a perk of a healthy relationship.

Consider it a curse when it becomes an obsession, because the truth is, no matter how hard you try, no matter how perfect you might be, you cannot make someone else happy.

This gets out of hand when any relationship relies on shows and tricks to garner favor from another.

It becomes pathetic and it feels disempowering to rely on extrinsic factors to feel good about ourselves in any way.

You become obsessed with someone else’s reactions all the time.

Instead of trying to make everyone happy in your life and ending up burnt out and depressed, you need to start focusing that energy on your own happiness.

Waiting for that pat on the head that says you’re good enough, feeling the rush of dopamine hit in your brain, just sets you up to become hooked on approval — like an addict.

It’s insanity that you need to stop.

Why You Have To Stop Feeling Obligated For Other People’s Happiness

Feeling indebted steals whatever authentic connection and joy that ever existed in any of your relationships and replaces it with guilted obligation.

It becomes a transaction where you start jumping through hoops in exchange for approval, attention, acceptance, and even security.

As you lose your independence, you become dependent on someone else’s response of happiness for your own sense of happiness.

If you’re one of these people who feels like it’s your job to make everybody happy, you need to stop.

No matter how incredible a moment is, you can’t force someone to experience its incredibleness.

No matter how happy you are, you can’t give someone your happiness.

So stop trying. Instead, lead by example by being your normal happy self and never feeling obligated to keep someone else happy.

People might try and make you feel obligated for their happiness because they don’t want to take responsibility for it themselves. Maybe you’ve put yourself out there as an approval seeker or a people pleaser because you believe it is your job to make other people happy. The reality is that the more you focus on someone else’s state, the more you become dependent on them for your own happiness. Feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness means giving up your own autonomy and self-respect, and puts your own happiness at risk. Stop indulging in relationships with toxic people. The only person that can make you happy is you.

To learn more about how to stop trying to make other people happy, and to get instant access to exclusive training videos, case studies, insider documents, and my private online network, get on the Escape Plan wait list.