Then the doctor said she was going to do episiotomy because she was gonna use the forceps. Local anaesthetic was injected, then “zap, zap..” Then she had the forceps in (adoila sikit, tp boleh tahan jugak since the labour pain was more excruciating). When a contraction was coming (we could detect it from the monitor, the machine had one wire attached to my tummy), she asked me to push. So while pushing, I screamed my heart out to help myself pushing (that was what I thought). The doctor scolded me

So the 2nd time, I quietly and properly pushed the baby. The doctor suddenly asked me to touch the baby’s head which had already come out. And then, without I realized the baby was already out and being put on my tummy.

“oh, really it’s a girl”.. I thought. Alhamdulillah..

Heard the doctor said, “time is… 1.19am.. 13 Sept 09..”

Muka keletihan & a bit drowsy, dek diamorphine & entonox gas

After a while, I was brought into the OT to have stitches. The first time in my labour process, guys were involved. (I requested in my birth plan to have only female staffs). They were anaesthecists, but still they respect my need to have some privacy. Furthermore one of them is muslim, so he understood.

Before I was moved into the OT, the baby was taken by the midwife to have her weighed and a paediatrician came to roughly checked her physical being. Then I heard Dzul said azan & iqamah to her. Syahdunya rasa :

The stitching procedure took I think about 0.5-1 hour. I had spinal anaesthetic, and was awake throughout. Didn’t feel too sleepy that time. I got to chat with the staffs. The muslim doctor asked me what I was going to name my baby. I said that we thought of Rayyann. He quickly replied, “Oh, it’s the name of a heaven’s door.. also there’s babur rayyan in Saudi”. I was excited to know he knew.

After it was done, I was being placed outside the OT for quite some time. Found Dzul was there with the baby. He gave me her, so I studied her more. Dzul told me he tried to stick his tongue out to the baby, and the baby mocked him.. hehe..

Nampak bekas forceps kt muka tu..

I was brought into a postnatal ward. Ibu & Dzul put some clothes on the baby. She was being placed in the crib next to my bed.

It was around 3am. Ibu & Dzul finally went back home, to sahur, and get some sleep. I really pity them. Terpaksa bersengkang mata semata2 nak jaga kita.

After they have left, the baby cried. So I tried my best to pick her up and placed her in my arms. She fell back to sleep. After a while, I wanted to put her back into ther crib so that I could get my sleep. But as my waist down was paralysed, I just let her slept on my body. I didn’t sleep much, afraid she’d slip down. But it didn’t matter. My heart was pouring with so much love to her.

I love you so much, my baby.. welcome to the world…

In the morning, a midwife woke me up and helped me to put my baby back into the crib and to let me sleep properly. But I could hardly sleep. For my breakfast, the midwife brought it for me. She also helped to change the nappy. Then a doctor came to ask if I have started to feel my legs again. Yada, yada, yada..

I waited for Dzul & Ibu to come. They came in the afternoon. Perhaps they were too tired after getting no sleep for over a day. I was already on my feet when they arrived. They stayed for few hours. Dzul informed kak Suhaili & K Na Adam through text. Then they went back home.

My baby with her Nyai

Dzul came in again before iftar to bring some more things from home which I needed. We talked and talked. He already contacted Ayah and his parents back in Malaysia. Then we finalized our decision to name our baby Rayyann. Initially that was what I wanted. But he said, let’s put Nur. To make it sound sweeter, and at least I got part of my name in hers. We also agreed that at that time, the feeling of being parents hadn’t really sunk in yet.

He was going to the NMC iftar event that evening. Before he left, he kissed me and said “thank you, I love you”.