Nicole Kidman looked like she should be sitting on a ventriloquists knee 5 days ago at the US Open, but according to V magazine she’s actually an immortal 19-year-old with a rock hard ass and no pores. “Hello 9-1-1? I ran at Nicole Kidman with a wooden stake but she turned into a bat and flew away, and now I don’t know where she went. Yeah I’m pretty freaked out.”