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Just so we’re clear, this isn’t Kelly’s performance rider. This is just what strip club owners need to provide in order to have the “I Like the Crotch on You” singer come hang out at the club. Via Washington City Paper:

According to the rider, Kelly could be had for pretty cheap at just $12,500. His regular rate, according to the document, is between $30,000 and $40,000. Kelly’s other requirements to show up at a strip club for an hour:

But just because R. Kelly is getting paid $12,500 for an appearance, that doesn’t mean fans get to talk to him. The appearance rider specifies that Kelly won’t sing, and he definitely won’t do a meet-and-greet.

Honestly, who the hell is going to the strip club to watch R. Kelly look at strippers and drink? Any club owner who actually pays this completely out of their mind.