I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Then I give you nothing. I keep the millions of me that make me, me. I keep my moments without thought of you because to think of you makes you strong (and I will make you weak). I keep and declare my right to give you nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

13 comments:

I proffer -- outstretched arms and cupped palms. I offer you everything. Everything.

Because keeping you out of my thoughts, keeping my moments and self to myself, might make you weak (it's possible, I suppose)...but it makes me even weaker. There is a trick to this wide openness, this proferring of self -- a trick to it leaving one whole and nourished, and not depleted and empty.

It is a trick I am willing to spend time working out. The alternative, as I see it, is Nothing.

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I end up giving you everything. The millions of me that make me, me - I give to you. I share with you. I thought that was how you showed love. I thought there had to be an exchange between us to seal the deal, to make US strong. It is not my right, it is my duty and my privilege to give you everything. Everything. Everything.

But sometimes, after all of that, I wish you could give me something too.

You used to give me so many things. You used to make me happy with your inventive,improvising ways. And I was ready to give you everything,I wanted to, because you just made an excellent candidate for my dreams. But I can't interpet you,not anymore. You are so hard to read when you're pulling away from me for no particular reason. So I pull away too, because what I need is trust and stability. I will stop giving you everything. Because even though you deserve it, it's really hard to be empty.

I want to give you everything I have and I want to ask for nothing instead. I want to see no me no you. I want to be us, but how can I know you want the same and how can I ask you to do that if I ask you for nothing?