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1.18.2012

Cultivating Time With The Father {31 Days to Holistic Christ-Centered Living Day#16}

When I was a very young mother with two small ones, I went through a season of illness. My baby was only months old when postpartum depression took me under with the sucking force of it's quick sand.

There were so many days that I was a ball of a mess of emotions, I couldn't get out of bed or get dressed, I got angry with my two small children, I couldn't handle the baby's cries, and one time I even put the baby in her crib and walked next door to my mom's to call my Pastor's wife for help in a moment of pure desperation.

When Husband came home in the evening, I didn't know what to do with the hormonal chaos that threatened to overtake me, and I blurted out too many words, making the air thick and heavy and it left us rotting and sagging, everything crumbling under the weight, our footing and our course unsure.

I was a woman lost and empty.

I had nothing to give my family because I was void inside. I was depleted, depraved and hopeless on my own.

I was rotting in my own sin-stink, and I self-loathed and I was flailing and sinking in my attempt for a way out, an escape.

And maybe if I just whisper this, or if I shout it, maybe it really is true--

the miraculous wonder of God is that He is mighty to save and He offers a way out for us.

"Now I know that the Lord saves his annointed; he will answer him from holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright. O Lord, save the king! May he answer us when we call." Psalm 20:6-9

My Pastor's wife encouraged me in everyday liturgy, not in legalistic, religious forms, but in habits that would benefit me, that would bring me closer to God, that would make me whole and bring peace to my family's days.

I began meeting with God in the quiet every morning with just my bible and my restless heart.

As I came to God in the stillness, He met me there and quieted my soul, melted my resistance, and He hushed my angry, weary, frustrated spirit.

It was this liturgy, this rhythm of habits, a consistent gathering with God that would illuminate my path and cause me to blossom in the rich depths of the soil of His word and worship and prayer.

It was in this revolving back to God, this daily habitual clinging, that I came up out of the depression, out of the mighty quick sand's grasp, and I was able to give to my family, to be patient with my children and begin teaching them about God, and I found truest joy.

I still huddle quiet with God in the stillness and beauty of softest morning light every day.

And on days that I don't do so well, I don't let it beat me into the ground. I just start over the next day and come to Him who is waiting there for me, my Beloved.

I always read you with a hushed awe, Nacole! Thank you for allowing us to walk this very private with you today. I'm sure it was not easy to share, yet in saying it, you acknowledge what is, what was, where you have been, and what God has done. I followed your link -- thank you for that, too.

I know depression. I know that black hole and the chains that keep us there. I know the fear of even whispering His Name --- the fear that He will not hear or even worse, that He will not care. But just as He wrapped you in His arms, so He did the same with me, so I know of that, too. I never thought I would say this, but there is almost a sweetness in the memory of the darkness -- only because the healing brought me to Himself in ways I never thought possible. I still fight and sometimes fail, but I have learned the way back. Thank you for sharing today. I feel so blessed for having ben here!!!!!

always a pleasure to see you, my friend! it's not easy to share; i always do so with a big lump in throat and stomach in knots. but maybe God does something with my vulnerability and if i can be apart of His glory and His story, then that makes my life satisfied and full!

it is nice to know when sharing something like this, that someone relates and thank you, just--thank you Cora for your words--they are like a warm hug!

Grateful for this in your life...It was in this revolving back to God, this daily habitual clinging, that I came up out of the depression, out of the mighty quick sand's grasp, and I was able to give to my family, to be patient with my children and begin teaching them about God, and I found truest joy.

God... the joy giverthanks for sharing all this beauty of God's working in you.

I truly wish you knew HOW MUCH I needed to read this today. It amazes me how God brings the right things to my attention. I could have read a billion other blogs, but I found myself here. So thankful He lead me here. :)

Love this phrase: "true north." I've been convicted recently of the need to spend habitual, regular time with the Lord and in His word . . . and your testimony of its power was so helpful today. Thank you!

What a beautiful lesson God is teaching you about how vital it is to get with him daily, or as often as a young mother can. You are a testimony of God's faithfulness. Please keep sharing what you learn along the way.

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Nacole is a non-conformist, fashion-loving southern mom of four girls, wife to one good, steady, car-building man. Rebellious by nature, she calls herself a Jesus-follower, grace-seeker, and introvert, who adores spending weekends reading books in the hammock. She’s honest to a fault, and speaks straight to the elephant in the room because she doesn’t do small talk well. A lover of the hurting, the shunned, and the un-churched, she’s convinced Jesus was serious when he said he came for the sick. Stuffing the sacred just doesn’t cut it, so her words often edge toward the radical, the raw, and the real. This is holy ground, and you are invited in. Kick your shoes off; she wants to conversate with you over hot tea {or wine, beer, just name your choice of adult beverage}.