Brendan Cox fights back tears at a special service in memory of Jo in Trafalgar Square in June 2016Credit: Reuters

“The thing I find the hardest, the thing I wrestle with the most, is what Jo is missing out on,” he says, quietly.

Brendan took children Cuillin, six, and four-year-old Lejla to see Matilda The Musical recently.

He said: “That moment of the kids’ wide-eyed awe and wonder was beautiful to see.

“But all of those amazing moments are tinged with sadness because I love who my kids are, what they’re experiencing and their joy in life, but I also know that their mother is missing out on all of it.”

14

Brendan spoke to The Sun's Jane Moore of his struggle over his wife's death and the 'mince pie campaign' his is launchingCredit: Dan Charity - The Sun

This will be their second Christmas without her and, like last year, will be spent at their simple weekend cottage “in the woods” of Wales with Brendan’s parents, sister and her three children.

“Jo’s ashes are buried [under an apple tree] at the cottage. In the morning we, er . . . ”

He stops to compose himself, the pain of recalling last Christmas etched on his face.

“And talked to her. Then we had a really nice day. The kids still enjoyed it.

“They’re still very excited by life, but I find it more difficult.”

It was a sunny morning when, 18 months ago, Brendan and the children — Cuillin and Lejla — waved goodbye to Jo for what was to be the last time.

Cuillin was recovering from chickenpox and Lejla was too young for school, so Brendan, 39, decided to take them out on the dinghy they keep at their London home, a houseboat on the Thames.

By talking about Jo often it does become less painful

He says: “They were really excited and so was Jo. She was getting them ready before she had to go to Yorkshire. Then I remember her standing there waving to us as we zipped backwards and forwards in the dinghy, and we all waved back.

“So I don’t remember the last words as such, but that last memory is a nice one.”

14

Jo and Brendan's wedding day in June 2009Credit: Facebook

Later that day he was heading to a work lunch in his job as a charity campaigner when he got a call from his wife’s parliamentary assistant, saying: “Jo’s been attacked. Get to Leeds as fast as you can.”

On the train, Jo’s sister Kim called and said: “I’m so sorry, Brendan. She’s not made it.”

He spent the rest of the journey in a blur of incomprehension and tears, while a man across the aisle kindly fetched him tissues and water.

14

Jo Cox was murdered on the streets of her constituency last JuneCredit: PA:Press Association

What greeted him when he reached Jo’s constituency of Batley and Spen changed his life for ever.

Thomas Mair, 52, a white supremacist angered by Jo’s support for refugees, had walked up to her and shot her twice with a stolen rifle, then repeatedly stabbed her.

Before telling the children, a distraught Brendan had the strength of mind to take professional advice from child bereavement expert Julia Samuel, who told him to be as honest as he could.

He said recently, “It was almost unbearable to end the charmed innocence of their lives”, and adds now: “I just knew at that point that there is always going to be a before and after for them, and that I can never do anything about that.”

14

Brendan and Jo's sister Kim Leadbeater at the murder trial last NovemberCredit: Rex Features

In his memoir about Jo, called More In Common — taken from her first speech to Parliament when she stated “we have more in common than that which divides us” — he writes movingly about being advised to take the children to see their mother’s body.

“At the undertakers we were taken to a special room. I told the children again what to expect. We went in and had to arrange chairs so Cuillin and Lejla could stand on them to see into the coffin.

“We were with Jo for not much more than a few minutes, but it was long enough for our children to reach out and hold their mum’s hand one last time.

"They touched her hair and spoke to her. ‘We love you, Mummy’, they both said, as they sprinkled paper love hearts over Jo.

“I didn’t want them to stay long and I persuaded them, gently, that we needed to leave. They were upset outside the room. I felt unsure whether I had done the right thing after all. But we held each other and the tears eased.”

They have been holding each other ever since, Brendan freely admitting that focusing on his children is what has pulled him through the trauma of losing his wife in such a sudden and brutal way.

Have they had counselling?

“They haven’t really. It’s all been through me. In the early days there are loads of judgements you have to take about how you talk about Jo, and there has been someone helping me to engage with them and talk to them about it.

"But I’m getting more confident now.

14

Brendan has recently launched anti-loneliness campaign The Great Christmas Get TogetherCredit: Rex Features

“Some of the advice you get feels slightly counter-intuitive because you do want to protect your kids and therefore there is a sense of not wanting to constantly remind them what’s happened.

“But by talking about Jo often and very naturally, it does become normal and therefore not as painful.

"Of course there are painful moments where they get upset about particular things, but 99 per cent of the time when we talk about her, we might be taking the mickey out of her over something she was rubbish at or a memory that they really cherish.”

Bill Nighy backs campaign

THE Sun on Sunday today urges you to have a “mince pie moment” with someone who will be alone this Christmas.

The initiative comes from The Great Christmas Get Together – spearheaded by Jo Cox’s husband Brendan.

He says: “Jo always approached politics not as politics but with concern for other people, be it refugees or lonely people in her constituency.

“And one of the things that emotionally touched her was the plight of older people who didn’t have anybody they were close to.

“Once on a car journey she started telling me about people who didn’t see anyone day in, day out, and she was in floods of tears.”

Brendan Cox speaks about murdered MP wife Jo in Christmas message

So this Christmas Brendan is urging people to take a really good look at their local community, identify those of all ages and backgrounds who might be suffering from loneliness, and invite them to share a cuppa and a mince pie.

“Just to have a conversation. These very little things can make a huge difference in people’s lives.”

Does he ever feel lonely? He ponders the question for some time.

“I’m never alone. I wake up with the kids in my bed pretty much every morning, and I have a very good community, great family and a very close-knit group of friends.

14

Brendan says Jo clearly lives on in their children Cullin, six and Lejla, fourCredit: Dan Charity - The Sun

“But I have lost my life partner and that’s a different type of relationship that you can’t replace and that I feel the huge absence of.

“So yes, I definitely feel that very personally and in some ways it gets harder, rather than easier.

“That first year . . . it’s partly shock which insulates you to an extent, and keeping busy, too. So there wasn’t any time where I was reflective.

"Whereas now, when I miss Jo most is when I’m thinking about what we were going to do together.

“I don’t have anybody to make that plan with any more, and that’s very stark.”

14

He says focusing on his children is what has helped pull him through the traumaCredit: PA:Press Association

He takes comfort from knowing Jo lives on in their children.

“Everybody’s memories fade. With the kids, I say what matters is that Jo is deep within them. She made them physically, they came out of her body.

“Their heads are hard-wired with those important first three years when your character development happens, and I talk about the things I recognise in them from Jo. They have a lot of Jo’s spirit.

Lejla has her fearlessness. She’s an amazing rock climber. We were scaling a mountain the other day and I had to take her to casualty after she fell on her face, but she seemed pretty unfazed by it.

Brendan Cox, widower of Jo Cox MP​ ​talks ​about coping after her death

“And they both definitely have the empathy that made Jo who she was.

“They’re very good with me. They frequently ask me how I’m doing. They’re just incredibly loving kids.

“We are a unit. We were always close but there’s an even stronger sense of us all looking after each other now.”

Brendan says: “There are 20,000 ‘what ifs’, but I spoke to a friend who lost her husband in an accident and one of her first pieces of advice to me was just don’t spend any time on the ‘what ifs’ because it consumes you and there’s no point. So I don’t.

“I’m quite mentally disciplined and need to remain focused on the stuff I can do something about.

“One of my favourite phrases is ‘better to light a candle than curse the darkness’ although, admittedly, it can be really difficult sometimes.”

He gets great support from the community of houseboat owners around him, most memorably when he and the children returned home for the first time since Jo’s death to find the roof covered in flowers.

But there’s little doubt he finds life as a single parent pretty tough.

14

Brendan admits being a single parent is incredibly toughCredit: AFP - Getty

“Jo and I often talked about single parents and how much we admired them and how hard it must be. And it is, basically. It’s s***.

“It’s those little things like, ‘Does Lejla have a cough or has she got pneumonia? Is this bump supposed to be there? Are the kids getting on OK at school?’ All judgments you have to take as a parent that are all entirely on you.

Next I need to get a bit more of a life myself

“Of course I can talk to others, like Jo’s family or mine, and get input, but it’s entirely my decision and I find that hard.

“And then there’s just the relentlessness of it. There’s no, ‘Right, sod this, I’m just off out for a walk’. I don’t have that. There are definitely lots of times when you just feel worn down and exhausted. But luckily my kids are unbelievably well-behaved and lovely to be with.”

Brendan travels with work far less than he used to, but when he does, Jo’s sister or his parents come to babysit and the children love it because “neither of them suffer from separation anxiety”.

MOST READ IN NEWS

Exclusive

RANDY ROYAL

Courtney Love claims Prince Andrew turned up at her house 'looking for sex'