Marco Rubio Is Sorry For Being So Bad

Robot Rubio apologized to his friends, family, and programmers on Tuesday night—following what looks to be an uninspiring fifth place finish—for having been such a mess at Saturday’s debate. “I did not do well on Saturday night,” he said. “That will never happen again.”

Rubio can take some solace in the fact that Chris Christie, who swung Rubio around like a rag doll on Saturday, bouncing his head off several of the podia, is heading back to New Jersey to “take a deep breath” and “take stock of [his] presidential bid,” according to the Associated Press. Christie looks to have finished sixth in New Hampshire.

We can only hope that the grassroots psychological warfare against Rubio continues in his absence.