Wednesday, December 02, 2015

A Destructive Force

Rabbi
Pinchos Lipschutz

For
some reason, people in our world perk up when there is a crisis. If you can
convince them that there is a crisis, they will drop what they are doing and
form Tehillim groups to daven for the crisis to go away. They
will form coffee klatches to get together and seek solutions to the crisis.
That is because our people are basically good, fine, caring and loving. When
there is a tzorah, everyone galvanizes into action to help out.

There
is an old problem that is worsening with the passage of time and the advancement
of technology. It has reached crisis proportions. We don’t care about each
other’s feelings. People hurt others all day. Most probably do it
subconsciously, but there is a fair number of people who simply can’t fargin
others.

The
story of Yehudah and Tamar in Parshas Vayeishev bears an important
message. Tamar was prepared to be burnt alive rather than embarrass Yehudah.
Sparing Yehudah from humiliation took priority over preserving her own life.

Rashi
points out that this story is the source of the Gemara in MasechtosSotah (10b) and Bava Metziah (59a), which teach that it is
preferable for a person to throw themselves into a fire rather than cause
public embarrassment to someone.

Tosafos
in Sotah asks that if one is required to jump into fire rather than
humiliate another person, then it follows that publicly humiliating another
person is equal to the three aveiros a Jew must avoid even at the cost
of his life. It is yeihoreig ve’al yaavor. Why, then, is the sin of
humiliating a fellow Jew publicly not listed with the three most severe aveiros?

Tosafos
answers that halbonasponim, shaming someone publicly, is not
included in the cardinal sins of avodah zarah, gilui arayos and shefichas
domim, because those three commandments are explicitly written in the
Torah, while halbonas ponim is not, but it has the same requirement as
the three cardinal sins.

Tosafos
takes the Gemara very literally and rules that publicly humiliating a
person is as severe as killing him.

When
we learn the Rashi in this week’s parshah, it has to affect our
behavior. We can’t learn that Rashi and then go and WhatsApp an
insulting remark about someone. We have to internalize that embarrassing people
is as serious a crime as murder. This is one of the things we have to be
prepared to die for, rather than commit.

Yet,
this lapse of middos is not uncommon in our interactions. We often speak
hurtfully to people in public without realizing what we are doing. We get
caught up in the urgency of the moment and trample on other people’s feelings.
We think that what we are doing is more important than anyone’s feelings. We
think that it is fine to shame them if it will help our cause.

Being
sensitive to other people’s feelings is not merely good manners. It actually
defines who we are. By not being thoughtful, people can be guilty of committing
an act that is equivalent to one of the cardinal sins.

What
lies behind the impulse to become incensed with - and lash out at - others?
Often, it’s nothing more complex than feelings of outrage that someone actually
has the nerve to oppose me, to show me less than total compliance
or submission. Such feelings arise from egocentricity brought on by a failure
to learn Torah properly.

The
posuk (37:24) says that the brothers hated Yosef and threw him into an
empty pit, which lacked water. Chazal teach that the pit lacked water
but contained poisonous snakes and scorpions (Rashi, ibid.). The Vilna
Gaon (Mishlei 17:1) teaches that it is known that water refers to Torah.
A person who is lacking in Torah is consumed with bad middos. The Torah
causes us to act refined and properly, with kindness and consideration.

Far
be it from us to judge the actions of the shevotim and the way they
dealt with Yosef, but we can derive lessons from the way the Torah depicts
their relationship and how they behaved with each other. We study the opening pesukim
of the parshah and learn that Yaakov loved Yosef more than his other
sons and had a special cloak made for him. The brothers, we are told, hated
Yosef because they saw that he was loved more than they were.

Yaakov
sent Yosef to seek out the peace of his brothers, yet when they saw him coming,
they plotted his demise. Upon Reuvein’s urging, they didn’t carry out their
plan, but they dipped his cloak in blood and threw him into the pit until they
were able to sell him into slavery. They brought the cloak home to their father
and told him that a wild animal had killed his beloved son.

The
Vilna Gaon (Even Sheleimah) writes that the parshiyos of the
Torah that come after the story of Yaakov and Eisov hint to the period of ikvesa
diMeshicha. Rav Elchonon Wasserman posits that the Vilna Gaon is referring
to the period in which we now find ourselves. Yosef refers to the Torah. What
befell him will happen to the Torah and its causes before the arrival of Moshiach.
Just as he was hated, Torah and Bnei Torah are hated. Just as he was
hated, the Jewish people are hated. Just as the nations of the world hate us
and libel us, so do those who hate Torah fabricate stories about those who fear
Hashem and walk in His path.

Rav
Elchonon Wasserman (Kovetz Maamorei Ikvesa DiMeshicha, Maamar Maaseh Avos
Siman Labonim 7a) writes that the perpetual cycle of fabricated blood libel
charges that have dogged our people throughout the exile is an outgrowth of the
act of dipping Yosef’s cloak in blood.

Because
the brothers hated Yosef and sold him to Mitzrayim, the Jewish people were
enslaved in Mitzrayim (Shabbos 10b, Tosafos there).

Hatred
bred hatred, and hatred led to the Jews being driven into exile. Until we unite
in brotherly love with each other and are thoughtful and mindful of each
other’s concerns, we will remain in exile.

Last
week, a wedding in Yerushalayim was attended by some 20,000 people. A tragedy
brought people together. Jews came from all over to say that we are brothers
and netzach Yisroel lo yeshaker. It is easier, perhaps, to come together
in a time of tragedy or overwhelming joy, but difficult to maintain that unity
in our daily life and in times of strife and division. We must strive to
achieve that goal. We will not be redeemed if we WhatsApp hateful and spiteful
comments about other Jews around the world. We will not be redeemed if we blog
hatefully against people we disagree with. We cannot be led out of golus
if we seek to embarrass each other, even if we believe we are correct. We can
disagree, but we must do so with dignity and grace. Petty infighting is still a
rule in our communities, rather than the exception. That’s regrettable and must
be stopped. We really can all get along, if we only tried, if we only respected
each other, if we only loved each other the way the Torah commands us to.

All
too often, when someone is successful, people feel threatened by his success
rather than fargining him. People mock him and send around
uncomplimentary comments and factoids about him. While previously, a person had
to really work hard to get a rumor going about someone, now, thanks to modern
technology, it is quite simple and instantaneous. You send the comment to your
group chat, and everyone on that chat sends it to everyone on their respective
chats, and before you know it, the whole world is enjoying the story you made
up out of thin air. In fact, doing so has become the latest sport. It’s a churban.
It’s a crisis.

Technology
is a blessing, but it can also be a curse. People can learn Torah from each
other in ways they never could previously, and people can gain much knowledge
due to the research available with a few clicks of the fingers. At the same
time, this ability can be used to cause eternal damage. People’s attention
spans are now measured in milliseconds, and the ability to cause harm is
grossly enabled. We rush to judgment without knowing the facts. We speak without
having what to say and send off angry messages without foresight. Everyone
reads a bogus story and becomes an instant expert, spouting off irresponsibly
on serious matters with grave consequences. We send around stories about other
people without giving it a second thought. We think before we speak, but we
don’t hesitate to ship off “hock” to our buddies without considering if
we are hurting someone.

We
spread lies across the stratosphere in crisis proportions.

When
we speak of the dangers of the internet, the ability to swiftly condemn a
person to international shame for no reason other than his success in any field
of human endeavor is a major concern. The ability to cause international machlokes
via blogging should concern us. Can’t we sit down and work things out? Does
every duel have to be fought in the reshus harabim in front of people
who enjoy the festival of chillul Hashem?

In
a way, sending comments and stories to chat groups is more egregious than the
shameful reporting of blogs and irresponsible websites. As bad as they are,
muck-raking bloggers skate on thin ice, knowing in the back of their minds that
they can be sued for defamation for posting fictitious, libelous information.
Worse than them are anonymous posters and people who send out bogus stories to
chat groups, with no accountability whatsoever. People are drawn to these
groups and sites, passing along their drivel and treating it as gospel, as long
as someone is besmirched or mocked.

We
have to find the ability to appreciate what we have and to rid our souls of
jealousy. We have to find comfort with what we have and not judge ourselves in
comparison to others. Every person has different challenges. Some are public
and others are private. Nothing is as it seems superficially. While it may
appear that the other person is more blessed than us, we have no idea what
demands he faces and the challenges and setbacks he must confront in his life.
We have to be considerate of his feelings, treating him as we would a beloved
brother.

If
a baal kriah makes a few mistakes while reading the parshah, we
don’t have to pounce on him with glee. We should be mindful of the effort the
fellow devoted to preparing the laining and that he has feelings. If
something needs correction, it should be done lovingly.

Rav
Shlomo Zalman Auerbach was visited by an anxious bar mitzvah boy and his
father with long, sad faces. The boy had prepared for his big day and mastered
the haftorah for his bar mitzvah parshah, eager to lain it
in shul.

They
told the rov that the boy prepared the haftorah of the parshah
for the week of his celebration. To their utter consternation, they had
just realized that a special Shabbos fell out that week and a different haftorah
was called for. It was too late for the boy to learn a new haftorah.
What were they to do?

Rav
Shlomo Zalman ruled that the bar mitzvah boy could recite the brachos
and read the haftorah he had so diligently prepared. After davening,
he said, the other haftorah should be read. Rav Shlomo Zalman engaged in
some small talk about where the boy and his father live and daven and
offered his mazel tov wishes. The overjoyed father and son left his
humble apartment joyous, with a weight lifted from their shoulders.

On
the appointed Shabbos, the family and friends gathered in shul to
celebrate the bar mitzvah. Before laining,everyone was
astounded to see an unexpected guest enter the shul. It was the posek
hador, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, who had walked from Shaarei Chesed.
Everyone watched as the father ran over to welcome him.

The
humble giant whispered in the man’s ear, “I knew that even though you’re
following my p’sak, there would inevitably be people who would give you
a hard time. I’m here to make sure that your son can enjoy his bar mitzvah
without having to contend with them.”

The
great gaon and tzaddik troubled himself to walk to a bar
mitzvah to save a young boy he didn’t even know from the possibility of
embarrassment.

Rav
Meir Tzvi Bergman, rosh yeshiva of Yeshivas Rashbi, recounted that Rav
Asher Lichtenstein, rosh yeshiva of Kamenitz, shared with him a question
that he witnessed being posed to the Chazon Ish. A Yerushalmimaggid
would speak publicly on Shabbos afternoons.The regulars knew that he would speak for a
long time and would thus make sure to davenMinchah before the
talk. A young talmid chochom at the speech watched as the clock ticked
and realized that he was going to miss Minchah. Not wanting to embarrass
the speaker, he slowly made his way to the exit and found a minyan for Minchah.

Afterwards,
his conscience bothered him. What should he have done? The next day, he
traveled to Bnei Brak with Rav Lichtenstein to ask the Chazon Ish what
the proper course of action would have been.

“What
should you have done? You should not have left,” the Chazon Ish
declared. “What is the question? Walking out in middle of a speech causes
embarrassment to the speaker. Your obligation to davenMinchah
does not outweigh the prohibition of embarrassing a person.”

And
it’s not only talmidei chachomim, maggidim, bar mitzvah bochurim and
important people whose feelings we have to consider. It’s anyone. Even people
who are less than perfect.

The
Gemara in MasechesSotah (32b) states that Rav Yochanan
related in the name of Rav Shimon bar Yochai that the reason we pray quietly is
to not embarrass ovrei aveirah,sinners, who confess their sins
when they pray. From here it is evident that Chazal were mindful of the
feelings of sinners. All of Klal Yisroeldavens Shemoneh Esrei
quietly so as not to hurt the feelings of people who behave improperly.

The
Ostrovtzer Rebbe would say that the obligation includes even wicked people who
would kill innocent women and children. Tamar was prepared to die rather than embarrass
Yehudah. Had Yehudah not spoken up, he would have sent a pregnant woman to her
death. Even such a person is not deserving of public embarrassment, the rebbe
said. While some may quibble with the rebbe’s teaching, if the person
you are tweeting or posting about is a fine talmid chochom, or a baal
chesed, or an oseik betzorchei tzibbur b’emunah, or even a regular
person, there is absolutely no heter in the world to do something to
cause him pain.

The
obligation of being considerate of other people’s feelings should be natural to
us. We would never think of skipping Minchah, yet we humiliate people
without a second thought.

It
is a crisis. Golus is a crisis and we cannot get out of golus
until we solve this. We are pained when we see the Jewish state maligned by the
media around the world. We don’t understand why political leaders employ a
double standard when it comes to Israel. Yet, when a blog mocks rabbis and frum
Jews, there are people who flock to it, not realizing that one thing fuels the
other. Enjoying and spreading lies and half-truths is a scourge that must be
stopped.

The
Vilna Gaon’s talmid, Rav Yitzchok Eizik Chover, writes in a piece
published in the recently released Miluei Even on Even Sheleimah,
“The main cause of the current golus is the sin of misusing the gift of
speech for lashon hora and sinas chinom, which is brought about
by bittul Torah.” If we want to get out of golus and bring about
the redemption, we have to rid ourselves of sins of speech brought on by sinas
chinom. Blogging and sending around inane snippets of information mocking
people is included in misusing the gift of speech.

We
need to motivate people to act positively, not rip down those who stick their
necks out for good causes. We need to encourage people to step up and undertake
courageous, selfless acts. Let’s declare that enough is enough. Enough with
throwing people under the bus. Enough with airing dirty laundry in public.
Enough with making up and spreading lies. Enough with embarrassing people.
Enough with acting without thinking. Enough with hurting each other.

It is time to
address this awful menace and declare that we’ve had enough. Those who enable
or facilitate the disparaging of our people should be called out for it. By
standing up for the truth and for the purity of our nation, may we merit the
ultimate geulah, at which time we will be spared from the myriad
challenges and crises facing us today.