The “I Was There Files” – Inspired NY Bombay Sponsored Foolishness

Oh children, a bitch can die happy now. Among the things I’ve wanted in my adult life is a room with a window (baby steps), a big ol’ sausage cock to ride (hehehe, just kidding) and to see CoCo T’s bozangas in real life. And lordy chile, I’m picking out the pink satin to line my mahoghany coffin cuz I can die as contented as a Mexican in a pork factory.

Bombay sponsored some event that you know Phil in marketing pushed for to “penetrate the urban market” (aka separate the darkies from that almighty dollar). I’m schmoozing, pretending to like people (Oh, you arrange Lil’ Jon’s grills for a living? Oooh take my card!!) when the most stacked white girl ever saunters past on arm of Mr. Ice-T himself. Honestly she could have been on the arm of the Hamburgler in drag cuz in that outfit, wasn’t nobody looking at Mr. Cop-Killer-Turned-TV-Cop no way. Chile was struttin’ in that Dress Barn-gotta-go-to-church-and-then-go-hookin’-later-on outfit with PRIDE!! Oooh, Conny needs to sit down. This bitch gon’ give me the crazy.

I will say this though — she is way fly in person — aside from that kid’s placemat maze foolishness she’s wearing.

And…

WHOA…

Put down that fried chicken black people. They done put the AIDS in the gays, the crack in the blacks and now the elephantitis in the tittays.

Can I tell you how distracting this was? Because as you’ll notice each piece is larger than her head. Like, what the crack?

One thing about this party is that Conny was reasonably well-behaved. She went to an all night open bar but didn’t touch a sip of the devil juice. Now, that’s all cheese and crackers for normal people but all my friends are functioning alcoholics and when you tell functioning alcoholics that you’re not trying to wake up in Canarsie at 5 am once again they can’t act right. Mugfuckers were all trying to slip the foolishness in my orange juice, threatening me (“bitch you don’t drink this I’ma suffocate you with her tittyballs!!”).

Still sober Conny I guess just has no attention span because she caught the Kweli performance (hot fire.) but totally missed the Kelly Rowland, Ya Ya DaCosta and Malik Yoba action that came through. Shoot…I wish I got at that Yoba cuz I still miss New York Undercover. I woulda told him to stop cooning on Tyler Perry and go get your coon checks back from FOX.