Day 721

The other day a buddy of mine sent me a joke about what he claimed was his new Dodge truck. It supposedly had an electronic assistant that would answer voice commands. After demonstrating how smart and helpful it was my friend supposedly jammed his finger and screamed, “You fucking bitch!” to which the personal assistant asked, “Which one: Nancy or Hillary?” Hysterical, right?

Hey, I got a few to add:

Donald Trump says there was no collusion with Russia. yet his campaign manager was found guilty about lying to the FBI about involvement with Russians. No? Ukrainians – same thing. Hysterical, am I right? Then there’s Erik Prince. He just happened to go to those beautiful remote islands off the coast of Africa and he happened to bump into a high level Russian who just happened to be there, and they didn’t have a meeting really. They just talked in a bar, pure coincidence. Hysterical, who would be dumb enough to believe that? Then there’s Carter Page. He’s the dufus who just happened to be in Russia having meetings or conferences or something with high level Russians, or so he claimed until he didn’t. But the high level Russians were caught on tape saying what a fool Page was and it turned out they were spies and one of them spent time in the pokie for his part in all this. God, hysterical. Then there’s Michael Flynn, Trump’s first National Security Advisor, who was simultaneously a agent for a foreign government. Somehow that slipped his mind when he filled out his forms that ask, “Are you an agent of a foreign government?” He was in Russia giving a speech. He sat next to Putin. He said he didn’t get paid. The speaker bureau got paid. Funny, right? A speaker bureau gets money from Russia and Flynn gets zero. Ha ha, oh well yeah, his firm got money and they paid him but so what? OMG, hold me back, this is sooo funny. Then there’s Don Jr. Everyone knows he doesn’t do anything without telling Daddy. Well, maybe he didn’t mention he was banging that Latino woman while married, but that’s okay because dad does it too, right? So little Donnie has a meeting with a bunch of Russians. It’s such a nothing meeting that he fails to remember much about it when the FBI asks or to tell Dad. Except he did make a call to a blocked cell phone number right after the meeting, and dad happens, by pure coincidence to have a cell phone with a blocked number. I mean, what are the chances? Then there’s all that stuff in the Steele Dossier, that’s been shown to be true, and there are somethings alleged but not proven, but nothing has been shown to be false. Funny stuff like Michael Cohen went to Prague to pay off the Russian hackers that disrupted the Dems and Hillary, Remember her, the aforementioned bitch? Except Mikie has never been to Prague or for that matter the Czech Republic. He said so. He said a lot of stuff that he’s admitted he lied about. In fact, he’s been found guilty or I should say pled guilty to just that kind of thing. Oh but here’s the funny part. His cell phone was recorded as bouncing off towers in Prague about the time Steele said Cohen was in Prague paying off Russian hackers. This is hysterically funny because, if true, it would show a direct link between the Trump campaign and Russians trying to influence the 2016 election. But even if that were true, Trump says he had no knowledge. Remember, nothing goes on in the Trump organization without Don Sr. knowing about it. Funny right?

Oh and then there’s my buddy who sends out a link to a You Tube video showing Nigel Farage being all tough and in the face of some British politician. Wow. This is the guy who thought Brexit was a brilliant economic strategy for Britain. He is also the guy who when descending the steps of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London couldn’t remember why he had been in there in the first place. I mean, the fact that Julian Assange came out with some emails on the Dems a few days later had nothing to do with “Mr. Trump is a Silver Backed Gorilla” man, right?

Now we get to the really really funny stuff. It has come out that Mark Burnett, the guy who put The Apprentice on the air might have been in some small way responsible for Trump becoming president. You see, at the time The Apprentice started it is now alleged that Trump was a washed up fourth rate real estate developer in New York. This is based on evidence. Burnett took the turd called Trump and burnished it for TV. People started to believe he was a brilliant business man. I should clarify – people outside of the New York real estate world started to believe. Bankers wouldn’t lend him money. Why? This is really funny. He didn’t pay them back! In fact, in his claimed best selling book “The Art of the Deal” he alludes to a technique to getting rich – don’t pay people. He did it to a bunch of illegal Pollacks that busted their humps to tear down the old Bonwit Teller building so he could put up his tower. When they took him to court, he threatened to deport them. That’s gratitude for you. That’s the Art of the Deal! btw Michelle Obama has sold more books in two weeks than Trump sold in ten years, but who’s counting.

I’ve read The Art of The Deal. There are two things I remember Trump saying he did that made him a business genius: 1) He refurbished Wolman Skating Rink in Central Park, and 2) he used high quality bronze on the edges of his escalators in Trump Tower or his casino or somewhere. Brilliant!

I’ve been to Wolman Skating Rink. I saw Led Zeppelin there. It was the summertime and I don’t remember any problem with the rink, but Donnie does. He got new concrete poured when the city couldn’t figure out how to do it, or so he claims. Maybe, nothing was wrong with the concrete? Just sayin’ You know like when wonderkin Paulie Ryan broke into a homeless shelter to wash already clean pots for a photo op? (I mean, come on, you didn’t expect him to go in there when there were homeless people there did you?)

Do you know how hard it is to get someone to pour concrete in New York?

Lemme give you a blow by blow:

Ring-ring.

“Hello?”

“Do you pour concrete?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you pour concrete on a skating rink?”

“Yeah.”

Done.

If that is Trump’s claim to business acumen, and it is, then I’m a friggin’ business savant. I mean I not only got concrete poured (for a swimming pool) but also got the walls done in gunite (that’s high pressure squirted concrete.) Okay, I didn’t have the edges of the steps done in bronze, but I put in the best aluminum stairs you can find. (Maybe, not. I don’t know. But that doesn’t stop me from claiming that they are! That’s the Trump way! Woot woot.)

Oh man. Funny right?

Hey listen, did you hear the one about the EPA chief tearing up the regulation that one of the biggest polluters in the country, a coal fired plant in Texas was told they didn’t have to put in those scrubbers? So what if 137 people’s deaths were directly attributed to that plant’s emissions? Ha. Hilarious.

Now? Did you hear about the pesticide we are still using that is so toxic people exposed to it vomit and convulse? Oh boy. Thank god Scott Pruit jetted in on a chartered jet in the nick of time to tell Dow Chemical “pesticide shemisticide – we’re cool.” Otherwise, those I’m supposing illegal Democratic voting immigrants wouldn’t be faking it in the middle of those fields.

Hey, and get this. This is really hysterical. For the few jobs the Trump administration is trying to fill, and there aren’t many, because they leave most vacant, they can’t find people to do them.

Well, that’s not entirely true. They find people to be “acting” as in “acting Attorney General” or “acting Secretary of Defense.”

I wonder if that is like the ads on television that start off with “I’m not a real doctor, but I play one on TV.”

Try this on for size, “I’m not a real Secretary of Defense. I’m just acting.” Funny, right? The largest best trained fighting force in the world has a guy who is good at getting … wait for it … defense contracts for whomever he is working for. Is he like Mikey Flynn and really working for someone else and not the American people? What if a real crisis happens? You know like White House Down type thing and this good at getting contracts guy has to act like he knows what he’s doing? Oh man, that will be unbelievable. Won’t it?

Hey speaking of the acting Attorney General did you hear the one about him lying on his resume? Yeah, he’s not what he claims to be. Oh man, funny! But who better to head up the Department of Justice than a liar? Works for me.

Oh then there’s the education secretary Betsy DeVos, sister of Erik Prince, turns out she’s under five investigations? Wow, what a scream.

Hey, in less than a week Nancy Pelosi becomes Speaker of the House. Did you see the one of her in the White House? Trumpie was going on and on about how he had the votes in the House to pass his stupid wall bill and Nancy said, “You don’t have the votes.” He said, “I do.” Then Pelosi said (basically) “Bring it.”

Guess what? Trump looked down at his shoes, kicked sand on them and said (basically) “I could if I wanted to.” Pelosi said again, “Bring it.”

Trumpie kept dawdling. He looked at Schumer and said, “It’s Chuck’s fault. I don’t have the votes in the Senate. No point in passing it in the House.”

What a pussy. He’s Putin’s bitch and Nancy’s pussy (which is a mixed metaphor if I ever heard one.)

Six days to go

and

870 Days to Go

Did you hear the one about Mitch and Paul actually doing something? No? Neither have I.