Pope Idol 2005

With the hints made by the Vatican today of the potential retirement of Pope John Paul due to his numerous health problems, the council of senior cardinals announced a new Papal selection process to be launched this year.

Gone will be the locked rooms and furtive tactical voting followed by white smoke emerging from the roof. This time round the whole process will be aired on Fox Network and will be open to all.

Simon Cowell has signed up to join the panel along with a surprise panelist Reverend Moon. Panelists will be auditioned in a major capital city of each participating country and the final, scheduled as the season highlight of Fox's Fall roll out, will be an all singing and dancing spectacular aired live over three nights from Vatican City Hotel, Las Vegas.

The recent super hotel complex that is nearing completion ready for the summer season won the bidding war for the location fighting off the real Vatican City due to the Hotels St Peters square being three times larger, covered, having ample parking and sufficient concession stand for hot dogs and holy Dasani water.

The complex has already installed an animatronic Pope in the balcony and it's owners are said to be concerned at the cost of redesign of the robot if the current Papal likeness becomes out of date.

Tom Hanks is tipped to succeed Pope John Paul as Pope if he decides to run and assuming he completes filming of the movie version of the best-selling novel "The Da Vinci Code" prior to the current Pontiffs sad demise or retirement..

The double-Oscar winner who is currently playing symbologist Robert Langdon in the film adapted from Dan Brown's book is widely expected to sweep the phone vote but the big question is wheteher he will get past the judges, whose job it will be to whittle the expected millions of candidates down to a few hundred.

"Personally, I think that we need someone younger this time round" commented Cowell from his yacht in the Med today " I think the teenage vote will be a very strong in this and I certainly see Gareth Gates making a comeback for this one"

What name the newly elected Pope would choose may not be up to them as a sponsorship deal rumored in some circles could see the first Pope Ronald.

Make Stu B's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The former corpse and monarch is set to involve himself in the 21st Century by joining various social media.
The king was resurrected by royalist necromancers in 2012 but has maintained a low profile since his return to life.
Richard III was ki...

London- Britney Spears traveled to Britain to address the House of Commons to complain about the structure of the British government.
Spears complains that England is not a true democracy but a false democracy.
"After reading excerpt from Aris...

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway).
Attendi...

The Prime Minister has announced plans to introduce the wearing of blindfolds in supermarkets for all benefit claimants which will be introduced of the Tories win the next General Election in May.
The new requirement will apply to anyone claiming...

A group once affiliated with ISIS has broken off and formed a splinter faction, claiming as their primary goal the "total, rapid modernization of the Levant", promising also an immediate, all out " blitz" of "humanist secularization" and complete and...

Somerset Levels, UK - A massive arsenal of IRA weapons including AK-47s, MI6 assault rifles and a Sherman tank has been found by teenagers at the bottom of a British river bed.
13 year-olds Bob Piranna and Warren Nuckles were magnet-fishing on th...

Chancellor George Osborne has shaken David Cameroon by resigning over the input of tax evaders being siphoned to The Tory Party.
'I've had enough' he declared from the steps of 11 Downing Street, 'When a political party is financed by the proceeds...

(London) - Numerous sources have now independently confirmed that Rupert Murdoch will marry Sarah Palin this September in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg.
While Mr. Murdoch's divorce from Wendi Deng in 2013 was front-page news worldwide, few were aw...