THE RULES OF PLAY

I don’t think The French expected ever to see that. He came home the other day to the sight of me sitting on a sofa, drinking beer and watching football.

-What is it?- I handed him a piece of paper after he collected his jaw from the floor.

-It’s a household policy- I explained- effective for the duration of the Euro 2016. New rules of play for the boys, if you will.

I can’t claim credit for them and the original version- Rules for women for Euro 2016 were rather funny but ridden by stereotypes. When the roles are reversed- like when it’s me occupying the TV and watching the games, then it’s unexpected.

So here we go- temporary rules for boys:

A ban on traffic between the sofa and the TV.

A ban on saying “why are you watching when our teams aren’t playing?

A ban on asking “which one’s our team”?

The TV will be occupied until further notice.

Meals will not be dispensed until further notice.

Unlimited pass on going out with the guys.

Of course I love you.

And with that, I’m off to watch Portugal v Iceland. Let’s see if there’ll be fireworks in Stockwell tonight.