Jon Hamm Has A Sexy Penis Problem When He Wears Pants

Earlier today, as I was perusing the Internet for important celebrity news, I came upon some photos of Jon Hamm‘s penis just chilling there in his pants, knocking back breakfast Scotch, sexually harassing clients’ wives and laughing at Hamm’s pathetic attempts to conceal it. I logged into Crushable’s photo services to download some hott pix, only to find that we didn’t have access to the photos in question. Boo-urns! I did, however, find a ton of other photos just like the ones that initially grabbed my eye. Conclusion: Jon Hamm’s penis is a way bigger fame whore than he will ever be.

I know I said on the home page that Jon Hamm is looking at the camera like “WHAT,” but I’m not actually sure how he’s feeling here. It could be that despite his best efforts to disguise his handsome face and penis from the world, Jon’s ham has a mind of its own and will stop at nothing to be recognized. It’s entirely possible that Hamm, by all accounts a normal and un-ostentatious fellow, is mildly embarrassed of his inability to control his sentient member but is going out anyway to hang with Jennifer Westfeldt and buy some minimizing underwear, dammit, because otherwise he’d be letting the penis win. And speaking of Jon’s gal pal…I’m not sure whether to be jealous of her or feel sorry for her poor, put-upon vagina à laVictoria Beckham.

In any case, while I appreciate his modesty, there’s really no reason for Hamm to be embarrassed of his magnificent member. Would Don Draper hide his light under a bushel?

Jenni the tabloids are getting out tabloided. Congratulations. Time to up the ante. Get back at them by giving one for Diana. Gossip Cop is aiming to take the lead. Time to lean on them over this. Rair and balanced? Exposure? Oh really? Exposure of what? The street instead of the park? No crushable did that? Liberty’s lie about hiding in the house? No, crushable did that. C’mon GC you can do better.