How to Make Time for Kinky Fuckery

Raise your hand if you have all the kinky fuckery you could ever want, if you're never derailed by exhaustion, cranky children, or life in general. Okay, for anyone who raised your hands, I'm not talking to you. I hate you, I hate you so much! (Kidding!) For the rest of us, if you've got the potential for kinky fuckery but not a lot of actual kinky fuckery going on, this one is for you.

Y'all know me. I'm not one for giving advice in the form of how-tos, lists, and all the rest. But after one conversation with John Brownstone, and I knew I needed to share our thoughts.

Remember when I ended up on the floor being flogged and later fucked? That was supposed to happen, and then it wasn't. But then it happened anyway. Confused yet?

Standing outside during a family BBQ at Daddy's sister's house, he leaned in close and promised me a night of kinky fuckery. First I blushed because of the proximity to his family during the revelation. Then I shivered because there is never enough kinky fuckery, and I wanted it - bad.

Later that night, as we made our way upstairs, he confessed it wouldn't happen that night. The day had lasted longer than he anticipated. We were at his sister's house for several hours surrounded by a loud, rowdy, rambunctious family. He was too tired.

I was disappointed (of course I was!) but I tried not to let it show too much. I told him what I often tell him. "I understand. I realized it earlier. It's okay. Maybe another night."

Then we started talking.

"We need to make time for it."

"But how?"

Before the flogging, I had ideas. Then one hit me (lol, pun definitely intended) during the flogging. So here it goes.

The John Brownstone-Kayla Lords How to Make Time for Kinky Fuckery list:

Schedule it. Daddy wasn't too impressed by this one so for the doubters, a bit of clarification. I don't mean, "Saturday night, 11:00pm." Unless, of course, that works for you. For us, I'm thinking weekly. For others, it might be bi-weekly, monthly, whenever you're both in town on the same day, whatever. But like I told him, if I know that on either a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday something is going to happen every week, I'm fine. I'm a submissive - I don't even want to know what's going to happen, just that something will. He would have the ability to decide what the kinky fuckery would be - based on his needs, my needs, and the amount of time we have available to us. Which leads me to number two.

Commit to 10 minutes. I took this one from exercise advice I've received in the past - and watched it work like a charm with Daddy. If the problem you have is that you're too tired, commit to just 10 minutes of kinky fuckery. So this won't be a full-fledged scene, but that's okay! Kinky fuckery doesn't have to be a two hour scene with 20 toys. But after 10 minutes of flogging my ass the other night, Daddy found a burst of energy that allowed him to play for another 45 minutes - and then fuck the hell out of me. But if he'd stayed with the "I'm too tired" thing and hadn't decided that he had enough energy for even a few minutes of fun, none of it would ever have happened.

Maintenance. Okay, so this one is weirdly specific, and I'm going to use spanking as the example. If that's not your kink, think about the one thing that gets you the most relaxed when you dabble in kinky fuckery. I realized during the flogging that I needed the impact. I needed the thoughts to fly from my mind. I needed the relaxation and quiet that I received in the aftermath of our play. In thinking about finding more time for kinky fuckery, I asked Daddy if I could have some sort of guaranteed maintenance spanking/flogging/caning (gulp) at least once a week. He would pick the time, the implement, and the rest ('cause he's the Dominant, y'all). In doing so, we'd kill two birds with one stone - kinky fuckery and easing the tension (for both of us as he finds giving a spanking nearly as relaxing as I do receiving it).

For the record, I think this is completely doable in most households. I've got two kids who sleep just down the hall from me. I know that means I have to be vewy vewy quiet. Daddy is constantly dealing with work stress and family stress. We know about being tired and pushed to the max. But I think kinky fuckery is like anything else in life. We make time for the things we value - and I haven't met a kinkster yet who didn't value their kinky fuckery time. With a bit of planning and time management - and possibly powering through even when we feel tired - we can all have more kinky fuckery.

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

42 Comments

great advice. yes all to often the spirit is willing in us both but time, tiredness and other life commitments (damn kids aren’t they ready to move out yet? lol) don’t allow for the time needed for a “real” play session. Or at least wheat we all think one should be from our perspective.

This is such a timely post for me and I completely agree! My little nipple clamp experiment last night totally filled me up kink-wise and it was so minor! We treat sex like nothing else we care about in our lives and it’s such a big mistake! It takes planning and commitment, not unlike making dinner every night. You wouldn’t just walk into your kitchen and expect dinner to appear. You think, plan, shop, prep THEN cook. Sex is the same 🙂

This is GREAT advice Kayla! I just shared it with DMW, and he looked at me and said “I like that you don’t know when and where though” Drats. Maybe we can compromise. I like the idea of some sort of ritualistic play that doesn’t have to lead to an all out scene, just a reconnect. Thanks!

We have been doing this for thirty years Kayla, and It works. Sure life gets in the way from time to time but most of the time it works like a charm. Go for that Kinky Fuckery. It makes things so much better. The tension gets cut down in an instant. The smiles return, the calm returns to our lives. Everything is just better when we’ve had that connection. I’m rooting for you, Go get em tiger!! 😉

It’s the reverse of a problem I never expected to have. When we were LDR, there was never enough time together. Now we’re together, and there still isn’t any time. Hopefully, as with Cara, you will come to know this “problem” soon too. ((HUGS))

A lot of times, it’s only on Saturday’s that Jolynn has some spare pep after a nap and bath before dinner time. During the week, I am driving her back and forth from work, making sure she has her little comforts, like hot tea when I pick her up, and a foot rub before or after a bath and then dinner. Sometimes she is ready to leap into the bed to sleep at 8pm – 9pm. Then it starts all over again. If she didn’t have chronic exhaustion, and all the other stuff she has, it might not be so bad. Then you add in everybody’s menopause with the whole works, so it’s never a dull moment. I’m still dreaming of when she can finally retire early.

There are no kids at the house now that my 25 year old got his apartment in December (Yay!), so he is not cramping our style. We couldn’t have our once a month parties with friends over since he was living in the other half of the basement. We do have the special needs pets, so they take up the time children will.

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How did I miss this? What I wrote today goes perfectly with this. I want “the big scene” but that type needs serious planning. We fill in the time inbetween with making sure we take care of each other’s needs. We’ve even recently gone over what we’ve been doing and how we can make it better. Yeah, it takes work and planning (because kids kill spontaneous naked days), but it’s sooooo worth it!

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Eroticon 2017

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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