Abstract:
Many people criticize the web for being dull, pointless and puerile. This is ridiculous, because they should be criticizing it for being monumentally disturbing. With all the bizarre sexual practices that have been revealed, facilitated and perhaps even created by the web, it's surprising any two people are turned on by the same thing. I suspect some people are doubling up, getting turned on by both terrines shaped like John Hodgman and opera glasses that have been used by virgin longshoremen.

Even more striking is the idea that not all fetishes have been invented yet. Clearly, the technology and discoveries of the future will provide us with even more strange things upon which to focus our raging and confused libidos. For example:

Nanotechnology fetish: Obviously, in the future nanotechnology will affect all aspects of human sexuality, giving us everything from self-peeling condoms to spermicidal linebackers. Having your sex life enhanced by billions of imperceptible molecular devices will be seen as completely normal. However, a few people will become attached to nanodevices on an individual level, fantasizing about one particular nanomachine, giving it a name and writing elaborate erotic fiction involving shrinking down to an atomic level and consummating their attachment to a firm but gentle microscopic lover. Suggested fetish nickname: One Nanite Stands.