Sunday, June 8, 2008

18 months and 200 posts later...

By sheer coincidence, I am writing my 200th post 18 months after being diagnosed with cancer. That December day seems so long ago. It was long ago, kind of. But it also feels like everything just happened a few days ago. And as I sit here in the Pro Shop, handing out towels and Lysol-ing rock climbing shoes, a small part of me feels like nothing ever happened, nothing changed. I know I have written this before, but the past year and a half feels like some sort of weird time-warp. It still blows my mind that I actually had cancer and that I am still getting chemotherapy.

I was going to write a book about it. I was going to write about how my mind was blown and my life was changed when I was diagnosed with cancer at age 20. I was going to combine my blog posts, journal entries, and personal reflections into some sort of strange memoir. I had a literary agent in New York who was willing to take my story and get it published. I was working on a title; I had my chapters figured out; I had someone to write the foreword; I had even started my text. And then I realized that I do not want to write my memoir-ish right now. I am not ready to try and sort through and explain my experiences and sum them up for a neat and tidy inspirational 250 pages. As much as I have changed and grown, and as much as I have learned about myself throughout all this, I am still weathering this storm. Yes, it has already been 18 months, but I still have six more. I need to be totally free of the drugs and the nausea and the constipation and the drugs for a little bit before I can step back and figure out the moral of all this. I do still want to eventually publish my blog and my story. These past nearly two months of communicating with the agent have reassured me that one day I will be able to publish this. Now would be a great time to do it, I realize that, but I can't commit myself to this project if my heart isn't in it yet. Also, I just finished classes. I need to be deadline-free for a bit. I desperately need to de-stress.

So I have been working at ye olde Pro Shop, doing my awesome internship thang (I'll have photos in the next issue!!), and I have been biking a lot. I am actually even trying to start running again, which is kind of fun. I hopped on the treadmill the other day, and to my surprise, did not die. OH! I almost completely forgot the most ridiculous thing that happened to me since I last blogged.

Nearly two and a half weeks ago, specifically, the night after I last blogged, I found out that my two-person apartment had a few extra occupants. And by a few, I mean a lot. And by occupants, I mean bed bugs. And by found out, I mean freaked out like woah. I had suspected for some time that there were bugs, but I had tried to ignore it and hoped the problem would disappear. Instead, it got worse. In short, I finally bailed on that infested hole of an apartment I lived in. I put up with the smoking neighbors, with the slanted floors, with the mice and the pigeons who roosted directly outside my window. I dealt with the grime and the cigarette burns in the carpet from the previous tenants. I had accepted that the curtains were broken and the landlord was not going to replace the two missing screens. But bed bugs I could not handle. Not when they were eating me and taking over, and especially not when my immune system was about to be knocked down by the chemo devil. To his very small credit, my landlord sent over an exterminator. The exterminator, however, only sprayed my bed and the baseboard in my bedroom, no where else, and he only did it once. Now, I'm not bug expert, but I did my research, and I know that is not enough to get rid of a bed bug problem. So I left. I, somehow, lucked out and found an apartment on craigslist directly below the one I am moving into in September. This place is huge... Hardwood floors, and bed bug-free. The shower is a little gross, but I can clean that. I am so much more comfortable knowing there aren't little brown bugs crawling over me and stealing my precious blood. So that was the unpleasant stressor of my past few weeks. Who knows what is next.

And that is my life. Long post, hooray! I hope everyone is enjoying their June so far and staying cool if you're in the oven that is Boston right now. Thank God for the sun though. Alright, stay happy and, as they say, don't let the bed bugs bite. Pax.

2 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Go girl!!! Been following your blog for a year or so,.....and thank my God for being me and not having to face that situation at that age. At 63, well,....you sort of wait for the Doc to tell you the old "I hate to have this conversation, but,......" So let's all fight the reality. As a 60's dude, we fought the system, we didn't win but look at the changes we were able to accomplish. God bless you and keep you "in the palm of his hand"!Mr. Guinness

About Me

On Friday, December 8, 2006, I was diagnosed with leukemia. Specifically, Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. That's cancer of the blood for those of you who weren't sure. So, this is my blog about the next six months of my life. They're going to be hard; I'm going to be lonely. The goal is to make it out okay. Among various other goals I'll probably be writing about later. Comments, support, laughter, all, feel free to share. Pax.
*addendum:
This blog has lasted a whole lot longer than 6 months. Now that I am finished with treatment, I still cannot give it up. But now it focuses on my thoughts about (mostly) my life and my various experiences with and related to cancer. Comments, support, laughter... All still welcome. Thank you for reading!! :)