Breaking: GOOP is not cleansing

How is it the New Year and Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t detoxing? At least that’s what she says in her latest newsletter, something about wanting to continue with her pasta and cheese. Yes, yes, me too. Only GOOP goes pasta and cheese and somehow stays the same. I go pasta and cheese and I’m carrying around an extra 10 with, sh-t, only 6 weeks to Oscar. This is why I’ve been hiding from Hayley, my trainer.

So anyway, G’s not starting the year with the cleanse but she does go on about superfoods with her doctor which is I why just scrolled down to the bottom and -- bonus pay off! -- new photos of G from her St Lucia holiday and a shot of her with the kids, Mosey and Apple, too.

I love how she had to clarify, for the benefit of the judgy moms, that Mosey’s not drinking a pina colada. And that, again, for all her sanctimony about privacy and her relationship, it conveniently doesn’t apply to her kids. Especially not when they’re just so beautiful. Maria wrote last month that parents can’t help themselves; having a kid turns everyone into a rapper, only instead of boasting about cars or necklaces, parents show off their children. Not even G can resist showing off her children. She especially wouldn’t be able to resist showing off her children.