Madonna: … first condoms (a kind she doesn’t seem to like, actually), then a bit of common sense (which I think she’ll like even less).

By insisting so neurotically on her four-year-old daughter’s femininity — when the nearest Lourdes should be getting to make-up is Burnt Sienna on her nose during finger-painting sessions — Madonna reveals more about her own insecurity than we ever wanted to know. We’ve seen her nipples, we’ve seen her bush, we’ve seen it all – but her naked psyche is, I fear, the most unacceptable private part of them all.