NHS cuts sees electric shock therapy replaced by poking with sticks

That the government’s austerity agenda affects the weakest members of society is further shown by recent changes to the provision of mental health care that some are branding ‘insane’.

The main form of treatment of the mentally ill will remain a mild shaking plus a stern rendition of ‘pull yourself together.’ But due to spiralling costs, drugs such as Prozac will be replaced by cheaper generic options such as Spanish wine from Tescos.

The main controversy concerns the replacement of electric shock therapy (EST) with poking with sticks (PWS). While many mental health professionals are sceptical, long time researcher Gerry Bonalatty is convinced PWS can effect long term changes in behaviour:

‘It depends WHERE you poke them. Sustained, well-aimed poking of a mentally ill person’s rear can transform them from a social recluse whose only form of interaction is online to a functioning member of society – be sure to remember to remove the stick though.’