When life slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry walls

Working for the Weekend

Now that I am living fat and happy courtesy of my monthly disability check, I figure that this is the opportune time to show you all my resume of the various jobs that I have done over my adult lifetime. I will list the company name, the tasks for which I was responsible, and my reason for leaving.

Micro Bio-Medics: I was a warehouse boy for two consecutive summers after my senior year in high school. Besides picking and packing orders, I got to experience the Pavlovian Response to the horn of my first ever Roach Coach. I was a asked not to return the next summer due to my propensity to get my fellow co-workers to play war with our medical supplies. Care to elaborate, Dan?

Census Enumerator: My job was to walk around the neighborhood knocking on people’s doors who had not yet sent in their forms. After having one too many front doors slammed in my face I decided to hang up my clipboard.

Roadway Packing Systems: In a job procured by my fraternity brother it was my happy task each day during this summer to empty a garage full of UPS-style vans of their boxes and load them onto a trailer. When that was done I got to clean the bathrooms. Why did I leave? Hot trucks, toilets, and the summer heat of Sacramento, wouldn’t you quit?

Hotel El Rancho: I went from a banquet waiter with no experience to one of four head banquet waiters in about three months. I loved this job especially the time that I dropped the last steak in the house on the floor of the holding kitchen. The general manager of the hotel picked it up and the head chef wiped it off and told me to serve it. I retired my apron in order to spend more time with my new girlfriend. Sorry, Fehmeen.

The Davis Enterprise: In this job I was responsible for making sure that all of our newspaper carriers got paid each month. My boss was a major Deadhead and we went to about a dozen shows together. I left that job and that town because I graduated.

Healthsouth: My first post-college employment opportunity, I was a patient account rep at a physical therapy clinic. My boss was Stan Conti (the trainer for the Giants and now with the Dodgers) and I got to meet several high profile athletes. The coolest was the time I came back from lunch with a pack of baseball cards and Indian’s catcher Sandy Alomar Jr. looked at them with me and told me some funny stories about each guy. I got fired the day before Thanksgiving because I was slacking on collecting a tall stack of uncollected account balances.

Continental Glass: Hired as a lowly phone boy, I climbed the “corporate” step-stool (it was a family business) to become the company’s bookkeeper. It was the seven years I spent here where I developed a strong work ethic. I gave my two month notice in order to focus on my next career move.

Math Teacher at La Entrada:From my first day in room 9 with eleven of Ms. Campbell’s “finest” where I told them that I was going to treat them like adults and then spent the next three months trying to regain control to hugging every one of my graduating eighth graders after my last commencement ceremony in June 2008, this was THE job that I was born to do.

Blogger/ALS Boy: The pay most definitely sucks but I get to make my own hours and I get to work with the coolest peeps in the whole wide world.