DEPENDING ON TIME

I can barely sleep through the night and it is even worse whenever I begin to worry about a certain topic in my life. Anxiety. Just a ton of anxiety. Anxiety is beyond normal in college students, we just have so many things on our plate. Where is school going to take us? Are we going to reach our goals? Are we being judged for our decisions (which I say, "who the hell cares")? Anxiety is based on the past and the future. Which I completely understood and learned how to deal with when I read the book, The Power of Now. I'll try and explain what I learned as well as what worked with me when dealing with anxiety. I will apologize now for any sloppy writing haha, my thoughts all come in at a thousand miles per hour with no organization whatsoever. I am also currently sick and will most likely not reread this post so.... sorry! :)

But pretty much what happened was I was on my way home from class and started thinking how crazy it is that our life is revolved around time. Hours, minutes, seconds- time. Our lives depend on time. What time we have class, when do we eat, how much work is to be done in a set amount of time. It's just bizarre to me that our lives depend on something we can't grasp. Which is the past and the future (aka time). All we have of our past is memories and we don't have anything to hold on to when it comes to the future, and all we have is now. We only have the present time and it's sad because a ton of people, as well as myself, don't constantly take appreciation in the current living moment. It's something so extremely simple but incredibly easy to forget because we have been programmed to rely on time since we were young.

Don't get me wrong, I do think time is important. I am a freak when it comes to relying on my iPad's/iPhone's calender to remind me what appointments I have or what assignment is due. But I have also learned to embrace the present moment that I have. I have spent some time reading at a lake and just taking everything in- the temperature, the wind, the smells and the sounds. And honestly, I feel like one of the reasons I'm learning to appreciate what is currently in front of me is because of what I read over the summer.

I just have never been happier. I wake up everyday thinking today is going to be the best day of my life and I haven't truly had a bad day ever since. I don't get as mad as I used to because it's simply not worth my time. We don't have knowledge of exactly how much time we have left in this present moment which is why I try not to worry about things that used to affect me so much. It isn't worth my energy or worth putting back into the universe (... which is a completely different topic haha).

But as I was coming back from class I was worrying about school and worrying about my dreams. And wondering if I'll ever be able to explore this wonderful Earth and see everything that is beautiful about being alive, but then I realized, this is beautiful. Right now, this moment. Being alive is not the most beautiful thing you can encounter, but rather FEELING alive. Taking everything in,the scenery, the sounds, the feelings.

Yet, even after all this, how much anger, resentment, anxious feelings do you have towards your past and your present? Why should you worry about something you do not have and technically can never have? It's silly right? It almost makes me laugh (... almost). And what good does it do besides getting you more stressed out? I've learned to live completely in the present, the Now. But it is still a work in progress.

One of my favorite philosophers, Lao Tzu, is best known for writing Tao Te Ching (which is a great book to wrap your mind around). I came across him when I was a second year at Loyola University- Chicago in class and he says one of the best quotes I could have ever read.

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."