Bigots/owners of the Pilgrim Planet Lodge refused to allow a same-sex couple, Paula Knight and Jane Collison to occupy the same room. Ms Knight and Ms Collison are a same-sex couple.

According to local Taliban morals-police, Ms Karen Ruskin,

“Why do they assume that we have to change our standards, our values, to accommodate behaviour that is sodomy?This is our home, we are not a big motel. In our home, where our grandchildren are, where our guests are, we don’t want sodomy.”

Now, it occurs to me that Morals Enforcer, Ms Ruskin (and her husband – I assume they are a married heterosexual couple) seem to be a bit confused about basic biology and more specifically, human anatomy.

Sodomy requires at least one penis to be involved. I’m assuming (again) that neither Ms Knight or Ms Collison packed one with their toothpaste, spare knickers, and phone recharger?

So – no penis = no sodomy?

Point two. I hate to be the one to break it to the Christian Morality Commissars, Mr and Ms Ruskin – but it’s well known that heterosexual couples do engage in sodomy. At least one ‘member’ (*snigger*) of a heterosexual couple has the prerequisite anatomical appendage: a dick. (No, not Aaron Gilmore. Not this time.)

So – one penis = sodomy.

Now call me the government Minister in Charge of the Bleedin’ Obvious – but if Whangarei Wowser, Ms Ruskin (and her hubby, who also, I’m assuming once more, is in possession of a functioning penis) are so fixated on preventing sodomy from taking place under their roof – wouldn’t the appropriate policy be to ban all males from their Humble Heterosexual Hostel?

Kinda stands to reason, really.

Remember,

Penis = sodomy

No penis = no sodomy

So in reality, lesbian couples, single woman, post-op transgender-women, and eunochs – should all be welcomed guests.

Unfortunately for Mr Ruskin he’ll have to live in the garden shed. Remember, he’s got a penis. And people with penii (correct plural?) tend to get up to mischief. Like sodomy.

That’s the problem with religious (?) moralists who take it upon themselves to look after our morals and mind our business – they often don’t think things through properly.

Now, unfortunately, I can already hear a chorus of conservatives and (some) assorted right-wingers who will be bleating the old mantra,

“It’s their business – they should be able to do what they like!”

These are usually the same conservatives and assorted right-wingers who demand the abolition of the Treaty of Waitangi, asserting that there should be one law for all.

One law for all – except when right wingers and conservatives demand the right to discriminate against anyone for anything.

Back to the local agents for Moral Correctness – the Ruskins.

I guess I won’t be staying at their Happy Hotel for Hitched Heterosexuals. After all, I have a penis (or I did, last time I looked).

And considering the number of times various right wingers have urged me to “go fuck myself” over the years, the very real risk of me sodomising myself is worth considering.

So the Ruskins will be safe from my penis.

I bet they’re relieved.

Addendum

The Ruskins’ webpage promoting their motel doesn’t refer to a blanket ban on bumming (aka, sodomy), so I’ve taken the liberty of correcting that oversight,