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Sunday, January 3, 2016

Comics Rant: Superman #46

Okay, so the Man of Steel is in Oakland, and yes, he is a Mexican Pro Wrestler. This is awesome! So since that snitch ass Lois revealed to the world that Clark Kent and Superman are one and the same, Superman went to find himself. In Oakland. Doing Lucha Libre. Which is the Mexican equivalent to American Pro Wrestling. Makes sense to me. Well, okay, maybe not. But this story arc has been pretty damn fun to read.

Jimmy Olsen and Condesa track Clark to Oakland. Cut back to a sweet scene where Superman is rocking a Championship belt and cutting a promo on the guy he just beat. All he needs to do is throw up a middle finger then raise his eyebrows, and Vince McMahon would sign Big Blue in a heartbeat. That, or just resign John Cena.

Supes' opponent from issue #45, Haemosu, takes Supes out for a time in Oakland when the sun goes down. They go get some Korean hooch and Superman wants to know what happened to Apolaki, the guy Supes fought last month. Since Apolaki has been linked to the Hordr, Superman has been squatting in the dude's room in a boarding house. Didn't know that Clark was a stalker. Also, Superman's powers aren't what they used to be. He's only at about 25% at this point. Since he's like an atomic bomb and blows up a lot he can't seem to get back to being the big blue boy scout.

But as only it can happen in comic books or movies, Jimmy and Condesa run into Clark. I didn't see that coming. (Sarcasm) Jimmy is all

Jimmy: "Clark, You're still my hero!"

Superman:".......Shut up, Jimmy."

Clearly, the former Man of Steel doesn't want to be seen in public with Jimmy Olsen. Can't say I blame him. Superman tells Jimmy to take his bitch ass back to Metropolis. Superman follows up a lead to the Hordr plant that's in Oakland. But then a trap is waiting and a Sand Clone Superman shows up. To which he starts to kick the real Superman's ass. But poor Jimmy can't leave well enough alone and he follows Superman. Which means, you guessed it, Jimmy gets killed. I can hear the Internet breaking in half. Aw who am I kidding. Most people could care less... I mean, DC will have another reboot and Jimmy will be back and kicking and making everything awkward when Clark comes around.

Hordr Root pops up on a screen and laughs at Superman. He shows Superman a video from back a few months ago where Supes vowed to kick the ass of anyone who harms those close to him. Better ask Batman how that worked out for him there, Clark. So, Jimmy is dead and Superman is in tears. Not how you really want a Superman comic to end, but it gives Superman the motivation to take the fight to Hordr and you know, not wrestle dudes in a basement, which now that I think of it sounds like the beginning to a B movie. Yeah, DC needs to step in and give us monthly tales of Superman rescuing cats from trees. I'd buy it. Just to see rotating artists draw cats. Yup.