Whilst welcoming the advent of all night television and the oppurtunity it provides for you to transmit programmes of interest to minority groups, I must register the strongest possible protest over the grossly inaccurate and misleading descriptions of these programmes which appear in the TV times

I refer specifically to the programmes scheduled for 3.30 am yesterday from South Korea - Womens Breaststoke and the Cockless Pairs. My wife and I set the alarm for 3:15, donned the latex and leather lingerie and looked forward to 1 hour and 15 minutes of imbridled eroticism from the Orient. We are well aware of the kinky goings on in the East being regular clients of Wang Fa Chinese takeaway and we plan a holiday before I retire to Bangcock.

Imagine our disappointment when all your programmed showed was a load of swimmers and a couple of blokes rowing a boat. They even kept their cozies on!!!

My wife was so incensed that she banged her vibrator on the coffee table (MFI regency model) causing the leg to fall off, the battery jumped out into her mug of Ovaltine which in turn splashed the front of her Ann Summers virgin white quarter cup bra and waspie.

I therefore claim £39.95 for the coffee table and £2.95 for the stained lingerie.

I am sending a copy of this letter to our local MP who I know has been similarly upset by your programmes. Having spent 3 months in Warsaw, Poland before being expelled. He was very disappointed by your recent programme on Pole Vaulting.

If you must put out sporting Programmes in the wee small hours, kindly make it clear in the TV Times. We are after all a keen sporting family being active members of the Shepton Mallet Nude Trampoline Club.