08 December 2009

A real bummer.

Catching up on a little news this evening, The Scrappy Octopus is shocked and dismayed to discover the following, per Ansar Khan, in reference to tomorrow night's game, which we will be attending:

Coach Mike Babcock said forward Ville Leino will be a healthy scratch for the second straight game Wednesday against St. Louis at Joe Louis Arena.

I don't know how to tell you guys this because I don't want you to think of me as a superficial, disingenuous turncoat. But I really think I might be on "Team Ville" now. Actually, I know I am. I got a T-shirt made today and everything. (You can order your own right here on the site.) In fact, I have drafted a letter to send to Ville, from a fan to an idol on a pedestal, in which I hope to provide him some sort of encouragement and hope for a brighter day tomorrow. I've copied it below in hopes that you all will give me a chance to present my side of things. I trust that with your open-mindedness and intelligence, by the end of this, you will at least be able to appreciate my perspective, if not maybe believe it a little bit yourself. Here goes:

Dear Ville,

Hey, it's your BFF, The Scrappy Octopus. Look, I know we haven't exactly seen eye-to-eye lately. In fact, I've pretty much said I've hated your guts and that you can eat shit for all I care, but don't you realize that this is all part of an elaborately constructed facade? I don't know how to say this, so I guess I should just say it directly and bluntly: I think I'm in love with you.

What can I say? I really didn't have a choice in the matter. It's the way you move around the ice with seemingly no real sense of direction or purpose--that sort of freedom and spontaneity drives me absolutely wild. If I were your girl, I'd never know what to expect. We could be just sitting there, watching a movie, and all of a sudden--BAM!--here comes the shocker. How thrilling! And remember how you said last year that you were going back to Europe if you didn't get a spot on the roster, so it got all your fans really excited, thinking this would be a breakout year for you? Well, the fact that you aren't producing doesn't make me mad at all. It's this tough talk and subsequent incongruity between what you say and what you do that really turns me on. You're such a non-conformist, and you know that people like me always want precisely what appears unattainable and elusive. Oh, and don't even get me started about the way you shoot off into the netherworld: It tells me that I'd never, ever have to worry about emergency contraception or even regular birth control if we got it popping.

I know some people out there think that once your former linemate Valtteri Filppula returns, you may start producing points and making a difference. But I, for one, just want you to know this: Please, Ville, don't ever, ever change. Be the amazingly badass, rebel-without-a-cause bad boy that you are. You have at least one fan out here who just can't get enough of it.

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