How not to react to pregnancy news

I’m someone who is naturally excited whenever someone tells me that they are pregnant. My mind starts thinking about the grand adventure that they are embarking on and I congratulate them and express my excitement.

It seems however that not everyone reacts to pregnancy news in the same way. Since announcing that I am expecting baby no. 3 aka Piglet in early December I have had a whole host of reactions. Some of which I’d rather people had kept to themselves.

Take a look at some of the reactions I’ve experienced in recent weeks…

How not to react to pregnancy news

I didn’t know you were trying

Erm, never really sure how to respond to this one… sorry for not giving you in the heads up on my sex life but whether I was or wasn’t trying isn’t much concern of yours.

Happy accident?

No, it was a much wanted and planned baby. Whilst not everyone chooses when they fall pregnant and it sometimes comes as a surprise I don’t think a comment like ‘happy accident’ is welcomed by anyone.

I thought you were just piling on the pounds

(Yes someone actually said this to my face and I’ve had a couple of variations of it too) Not really sure how to answer this one other than no I’m not fat, I’m pregnant.

I thought you said no more babies

We changed our minds and decided that we’d love a larger family, I didn’t realise that once we had said no more babies it was set in stone.

Why do you want another? you already have a boy and a girl

Whilst we are currently the 2.4 family with one of each why should that stop us wanting more children? I imagine this same person would change tact if I had 2 girls/boys with ‘oh I bet you’re hoping for a girl/boy this time round’.

But you’ve just got your life back

(Referring to Tigger about to start full-time school in September) We chose to leave 4 years between Roo and Tigger due to childcare costs and it is a similar reason this time around (albeit it took a little longer and Tigger will be 5 when Piglet arrives).

I’m not really sure why these people couldn’t have just said congratulations.

21 Comments

Intrigued to hear that a third gets a different response. I had a bit of this when I announced my only pregnancy as I had said I didn’t want kids, so I got ‘ I thought you said you didn’t want them’.

Sarah j

July 7, 2015 / 9:35 am

So tempted to share this on my Facebook. I find it really hurtful the comments Ive had third time round. Im fully expecting to have my third boy in October. Not that we found out. I find it extremely rude asking if it was planned and my standard answer now is didn’t you see our family planning announcement in the paper?!
Two people who clearly don’t know us at all have asked if its the same father (assumingly because our elder two will be 6 & 8).

We experienced similar things with our third…having 2 older boys (they were 6 and 8 at the time) I think people assumed it wasn’t planned and so many commented on how we must be hoping it’d be a girl…which we did hope it would be, and it was!

I remember telling my hubby’s aunt who just said… ‘Oh dear!’.

Not ‘Oh dear!’ at all…our little lady was much planned and prepared for with me being diabetic!

So I say again…congratulations! Our third has completed our family and having our little lady is the best thing we’ve done x x

How charming! I’m like you and get super excited when people tell me they’re pregnant. It’s such a wonderful time and I can’t imagine anyone not being absolutely thrilled about it. My ex FIL’s response: I hope it’s not a girl. All girls should be drowned at birth – yes, he was a lovely chap…

And then, when this is over, you can look forward to receive comments on your growing bum. Unbelievable!
I’m tall, so didn’t show much the first 5 months of my pregnancies. That obviously resulted in lots of odd reactions too. And as with you we thought we wouldn’t have more than one baby. Then changed our mind resulting in lots of comments about that. Why can’t people just express and share your happiness?
I think people (well, most people) mean well. They just don’t know how to react and what to say. Like you say, a simple Congratulations! would be absolutely the best way to respond to the news.

So, on that note. Congratulations! Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy! x

Some people should just say congrats and move on shouldn’t they! a lot of people have used the ‘no more now you’re going to have one of each’ comment on me and it’s got boring already! A huge congrats to you btw xx

Mammasaurus

July 7, 2015 / 12:18 pm

‘Your vagina will never be the same again’
True line said to me on the news of number 4 by my best friend.
Good job I have a sense of humour!

Oh for goodness sake! What ridiculous things to say, what’s wrong with people and what gives them to right to be so rude?!!

Congratulations, I think it’s wonderful news. x

Carol Peace

July 7, 2015 / 3:54 pm

Congratulations to you all. I had the same thing when I had one of each and then announced another pregnancy. What do you want now then? was a comment I got and answered ‘a monkey might be nice’ and walked away.
It is entirely up to you and your family how many children you have (I had 4) and it’s a shame that people can’t just be happy for you.

It drives me absolutely mad that people think they have a right to an opinion on how many children you chose to, or chose not to have. It seems there are no boundaries and that once you are pregnant you are public property. I totally feel your frustration!

People are so odd sometimes. When I was pregnant with my third baby so many people gave a knowing nod and said ‘Ah, so you’re trying for a girl then’ as if there were no other reason to want a third child.

I Can’t believe some of your friends said that to you! I mean especially the fat bit…argh…if i was there! It would’ve been their business in any way I think? Congratulations my love I can’t wait to see your piglet pictures at least! I so want another baby but my hubby doesn’t want another one….well he is 45 now so I know why he says no 🙁

So many of these are familiar to me after my third pregnancy. On one occasion, in response to the comment ‘I thought you were done?” I replied ‘shall we just pretend you said congratulations and change the subject?’ There’s something about pregnancy which makes everyone have an opinion, and frequently a thoughtless one.