Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Girls - To Do the Dishes

Professional Football?? Is That You??

I thought Texans/Raiders was going to be a horrible, no good, very bad game…and it was. I guess one of the teams had to win and the one that trusted its quarterback the least walked away with a ‘w.’ Once again the only thing to feel good about the day after, whether it’s a “win” or a loss, is DeMeco Ryans. Ho-hum another forced fumble, fumble recovery, interception, sack and 14 unassisted tackle day. We’ve known this for weeks, but the Texans finally have a draft pick worth remembering beyond Andre Johnson. Back to the game (unfortunately) the offense was beyond pathetic. -5 passing yards?! Your number 1 overall quarterback, the guy you said you could make a solid NFL QB is trusted to throw the ball four times (none complete) in the second half?! Nice job by Ron Dayne, but I’d much rather see Wali Lundy and Chris Taylor back there because those guys may be a part of the future here as opposed to a guy inching towards 30 who has had numerous chances to show his stuff. The defense wasn’t all that good. Usually when a team forces (not that you have actually have to force Oakland into mistakes) five turnovers and gets five sacks it doesn’t give up over 300 yards of offense. Draft order be damned, the Texans won. How exciting.

--How nice of the Texans to get tied into the Oilers. The Texans were the first team since the Oilers back in 1981 to win a game with negative passing yards. The old Houston team finished 7-9 that season. While we’re going down memory lane…Kenny Stabler played in 13 games that season finishing with 18 INTs to go with 14 TDs. For the first time in his four years up to that point Earl Campbell finished under a 4 yard per carry average (3.8).He did bust out a career-high 36 catches. Ken Burrough had a team-high 40 catches while Dave Casper led the squad with 8 receiving TDs. Campbell, Robert Brazile, Leon Gray and Carl Roaches all made the Pro Bowl. In an oddity on the season receptions list you’d have to go all the way to number 5 before finding a wide receiver and that would be Steve Largent with 75 catches. Kellen Winslow led the league with 88 receptions followed by Dwight Clark, RB Ted Brown, and TE Joe Senser. Now you know.

--Congratulations to Randy Moss who caught four balls against that stout Texans secondary. Coming in he had four catches in his last three games combined. Does anyone care more than that guy?

--More congratulations to send out, this time to former Aggie turned Cellblock Cincy member Reggie McNeal. Apparently he was trying to get into Red Door here in downtown after 2 AM and when an off duty officer told him it was closed he showed his Bengal colors. Nice job, Chris Henry would be proud.

--Rex Grossman had a 1.3 passer rating on Sunday and the Bears still dispatched the Vikings because of their defense/special teams and if there’s a worse quarterback than Carr and Grossman it’s Brad Johnson. You have to be pretty bad to beat Grossman in interceptions, which Brad did 4-3.

--Has there been a better pass this season than the one Tony Romo threw to Jason Witten to put the Cowboys in field goal position. More importantly Romo says if there was one tabloid starlet he’d like to date it would be Carrie Underwood because she’s cute and does it the right way. Which way does Jessica Simpson do it?--Michael Vick threw a couple of scores so I’m sure everything will be okay in Atlanta. Vick on the TD to Michael Jenkins, "He actually wasn't even in the read. Sometimes you've got to overcome coaching. I told him before the play to make sure he ran his route to win, and he did. Nobody on the field knew what I was going to do but me and him, so it kind of works out that way.""Sometimes you’ve got to overcome coaching" is one of the best lines of 2006.

--Emmitt Smith retired and won Dancing with the Stars before the Cardinals had another 100-yard rusher. But finally Edge went for 115 Sunday to break the drought since Twinkletoes did it in 2004. Of course, Marcel Shipp got the three rushing touchdowns. With 190 more rushing yards Edge will be the first Cardinal over that mark since Adrian Murrell back in 1998. That’s just pathetic.

--So next year I’m thinking if you draft LaDainian Tomlinson then no second round pick for you. That or half points. He’s just ridiculous.

--Ohio State and 8-point favorite against Florida? I’ll take the Gators and give me +7 for my Cougars against South Carolina.

--Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody are no more? Sucks for you Adam. Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice also done.--Giant Magazine busted out a list of thetop 50 commercials from the wonderful decade known as the 80’s. It doesn’t get much better than Jason Alexander singing and dancing for the McDLT.

By the way, anyone else rooting for Larry David to invite Michael Richards and Wanda Sykes over for dinner on Curb Your Enthusiasm? Vivica A. Fox is joining the show so we’ll see how that works out. My guess is funny.

--Sacha Baron Cohen talked to Rolling Stone about all the haters…"I was surprised because I always had faith in the audience that they would realize that this was a fictitious country and the mere purpose of it (the film) was to allow people to bring out their own prejudices. The reason we chose Kazakhstan was because it was a country that no one had ever heard anything about, so we could essentially play on stereotypes they might have about this ex-Soviet backwater. The joke is not on Kazakhstan. I think the joke is on people who can believe that the Kazakhstan that I describe can exist - who believe that there's a country where homosexuals wear blue hats and women live in cages."

--Whoever the guy is who plays Peter Petrelli on Heroes he'salso plays Rocky’s son in the next edition coming out. In case you forgot how good Sage Stallone was in Rocky V let’s revisit with the bonus of a visit from Old E…

--One more thing on Rocky Balboa…apparently Mr. T and Ivan Drago make cameo appearances. Evidently Apollo Creed wanted too much money.--Police in a Phoenix suburb have a little television program showing cops on patrol. One cop pulls over a car with two black men because they were littering. Then the extremely intelligent and racially sensitive officer tells them they can avoid the ticket if they rap about the dangers of littering. They spit some rhymes, talk some football and the cop lets them go. NAACP not happy.

--The fights on Saturday were fairly good although the chalk won in each case. Jeff Lacy won in about as exciting and promising a fashion as the Texans did. Winky polished off Ike Quartey. Larry Merchant gave us this nugget about Quartey…Ike has 26 brothers and sisters including an 85-year-old sis. Antonio Margarito and Joshua Clottey could have had a war if both hadn’t hurt themselves. Margarito’s rust showed and Clottey looked unbeatable until he re-injured himself. Miguel Cotto beat on Carlos Quintana for a while until it got called.

--I really wanted to like Superman Returns, but it was just bad.Eat something Kate, please.

--Disturbing DrudgeReport headline of the week: Drunk 2-month-old dropped off at hospital; Blood Alcohol Level of 0.364. Thankfully the little one is supposed to be fine. One more headline: 83% of chickens germ-laden in annual test, highest ever.

--Lonny Baxter had to learn the hard way that one of the places you don’t want to fire a gun is in front of The White House. You also don’t want to try and snatch a woman’s purse in front of The White House. Some idiot tried and it just so happen the woman was the wife of a Nebraska police chief who bear hugged the would-be robber until Secret Service came over.

--Dwyane Wade is SI’s Sportsman of the Year. Very good article on a choice out of left field that makes a lot of sense. Mr. Vincent McMahon. I’ve seen those shows and they are always great to watch and not about storylines, but just about letting our brave men and women over there know that we appreciate them and any brief respite WWE can provide it will. Say what you want about Vince, but he deserves to be propped up for this.