First. In general people feel like business, & capitalism, is increasingly flawed and want something better. This will drive ‘business needs to change how they do things’ and consumers, in general, will flail about with ideas on how this can and should be done and, in fact, in their flailing they may suggest businesses will have more value to them if the business steps up to the plate. That seems valid. Unfortunately, most people want things and then need things. Need will overshadow want 90% of the time. Businesses would do well to keep that in mind.

Second. This thought has become misguided simply because of all the aspects being tossed around & poorly defined terms (all of which dangerously blurs this discussion).

social responsibility

environmental

purpose

ethics

inclusiveness

diversity

political issues

Any and all are tossed out. Any and all are meaningful to discuss. Any and all, today, are thrown into this mosh pit of ‘social purpose’ of meaninglessness.

A business should reflect upon their impact on the environment (but not necessarily market it).

A business should reflect upon their diversity, inclusiveness, etc (but not necessarily publicize it).

A business should reflect upon whether they have a culture which enables individual Purpose and job meaningfulness (but not confuse that with a dubious business Purpose nor should they necessarily publicize it).

But I do think we need to talk about being genuine because that is at the core of this ‘business should assume some social responsibility.”

Genuine, just like sincerity and honesty, is not a value or a mission or a vision; it is (or it isn’t). You are either it or you are not. That matters because it is the foundation for any responsibility for society a business decides to either take on or simply play a role on.

This almost becomes a business truth. Not an industry truth but an individual business truth.

You look in the mirror and set your mind to who & what you are and what you are capable of.

I would suggest that this ‘Truth’ involves, and does not involve, not only a change in mind, in attitude, but also a change in behavior. Let me explain the ‘involve, does not involve’, thought.

It shouldn’t involve because it should simple be part of who and what you are. It cannot be ‘made up’ or ‘something I think we should pursue.’ This is part of the whole ‘it just is’ thing.

However.

It should involve because once you have decided you want to do something and want to be seen as someone who does something consistency is the name of the game. in the beginning you have to be very cognizant of truthful behavior & actions. Behavior involves responsibility: responsibility for actions and words. In other words. Responsibility for the truth you may ‘genuinely’ embrace this genuineness becomes incredibly important because there cannot be any ‘true compromise’ of truth.

I will point out here that I believe compromise may be the biggest enemy of truth; not lies (including lies to yourself or to employees or to customers or, worse, to society your business extends out to).

Anyway.

My point is that your truth doesn’t move and yet it moves. Truth is in and of itself a rock. Steady and solid and with weight <gravitas>. And yet truth evolves with time simply passing through the different faces of the past and the future. Just remember. If you can replace your truths, or let’s say society can by picking them apart, they were simply lies.

———————

“The truth is not just something we bring to light to amuse ourselves; the truth is the axis munid, the dead center of the earth.

When it’s out of place nothing is right; everyone is in the wrong place; no light can penetrate. Happiness evades us and we spread pain and misery wherever we go.

Each person, above all others, has an obligation to recognize the truth and stand by it.”

Jacque Silette

===

I worry this whole business social responsibility ignores the fact genuine truth is a burden. On the other hand. I believe society, culture and people are starved for genuine truth.

We don’t need a revolution. We need someone and someones to guide us back to it. And that is where business can play a role. And I would argue all businesses can play a role. I would argue this because it isn’t a marketing thing nor is it a public thing it is simply an extension of what Peter Drucker told us decades ago: a business is PART of society. It isn’t a thing you do or some initiative nor a marketing program (or, worse, some brand purpose or even a Purpose), it just is. It is recognizing that a business is part of the fabric & weave of society. It is recognition that what you ask of your employees should be something they should feel exhibits some genuine truths they can exhibit at the kitchen table. It is a recognition that behavior within the business walls bleeds out into behavior within society walls.

This isn’t brand purpose, this isn’t business purpose and this isn’t ‘inside out branding’. This is simply understanding the burden of responsibility a business bears a PART of society & community.

This also isn’t about some grand narrative or some grand gesture. For 90% of businesses this is simply the small gestures and genuine acts promised & delivered every day.

In the end.

We need two things:

A purpose to do, and, things we do are good things

Truth & genuine heroes.

Purpose to do. Talk is cheap and actions should be measured relentlessly and ruthlessly.

Truth & genuine heroes. I struggle to remember the last time a business was called a hero or heroic.

Truth is a burden. It is a responsibility.

Being genuine is actually a burden. It is a responsibility.

Maybe its time business, while not ignoring the fact they are in the business of making money & profits, stepped back and maybe thought about heroic profit making – where heroism benefited society.

Regardless.

None of this is easy. The discussion or actually doing it. But. I tend to believe it is just the right thing to do. It isn’t the easy path, therefore, it is ultimately in the purview of few. And maybe that is my point. We keep talking about this in an “everyone” way when the reality is it will most likely remain in the hands of the few, the proud and the strong. And that’s okay.

Why?

As pines bend to the wind they maintain their shape once the wind has fled. Maybe the pines will show the forest what it means to maintain their shape despite the wind.

“Because if there’s one thing I learned from remaking my entire life, it’s this: we are strong as fuck, we can change our stories, and we can do hard things.”

–

Nicole Antoinette

====

So. When I first started writing my blog in 2009 I read a variety of other blogs just to get a sense of what is good writing, good storytelling and, well, what was good. In my heart of hearts I knew what I wanted to write and how I wanted to write, but over the years I had so much of the “here is what you need to do & how to do it” shit pounded into my head that I was second guessing myself.

Time and time again I kept finding myself reading blogs that were unfiltered well written thoughts and Life episodes. They tended to be stream of consciousness and tended to make you laugh, cry, shake your head, sigh and, most importantly, think.

They were real, not ‘authentic’, just real. Real glimpses of how real people think about shit (whether it be Life or business).

Interestingly, two roommates in the same city I lived in at that time <although I never met either of them> wrote separate outstanding blogs – Jamie Varon with A Life in Translation and Nicole Antoinette with Nicole is Better – which set me on the path of how I write enlightened conflict.

Be Real. Tell the Truth <as it is really seen>.

Share it all with thoughtfulness and with some real-life attitude.

I say all that because I opened with a slightly edited quote from Nicole to say: Life rarely goes the way we plan it.

Shit. Life rarely goes exactly the way we want it <even without specific plans>.

That is neither good nor bad; it just is. Yet, in its neither goodness, nor badness, it is unsettling. Sometimes uncomfortable. Like squirming in a hard plastic chair waiting to hear what the test results are uncomfortable.

Whether you take life by the horns and run with it or wait and seek specific opportunities at some point you will find yourself on that uncomfortable chair. And on that chair you will assess who you are, where you are and what you are.

Uh oh. And then, sometimes, that chair seems even more uncomfortable.

You sit there and think: “WTF. How did I get in this chair?” And not only do you want to get up off that chair, but you want to get out of the fucking room. Shit. You may even want to remake the entire house you live in.

And you think:

I am not a builder … how do I build a new home?

I am not an adventurer … how do I go somewhere I haven’t seen before?

I am not sure where I want to go just that I don’t want to be here … how do I choose a direction?

The answer?

We are strong as fuck.

We can change our stories.

We can do hard things.

Every one of us gets to a place in Life where we look around and go WTF.

…………. a jamie ‘life in translation’ tweet ………..

What happened? How the hell do I get out of here?

Now. Some of these places are a little deeper in hell than others, but, suffice it to say, they all reside in hell. And you want to get out.

So, not to be flippant: you move. You get up & go. You get up & do.

You are strong as fuck.

You can change your story.

You can do hard things.

The truth is we face Life with strength or, well, you lose in Life. Most of us decide to face the hard shit because we have this inner true strength as described by philosopher Immanuel Kant: “that even small decisions should be made as though we were deciding for all humanity, not just for our paltry selves.”

In other words we realize we can change our story because the bigger story is Life and not our ‘paltry self’ (which is actually just representative of some words on the larger pages of Life). That doesn’t mean you feel any less lost or any more sure of where to go or what exactly to do next; it just means you have the strength to get up & go and do the hard things.

———–

“To feel lost is an indication that you want more out of your life.”

Jamie Varon

————

Now (part 1). Part of what I am discussing is not really change, in my mind it is ’emergence’ or simply ‘becoming.’ What I mean by this is that you aren’t really changing at all but rather digging deep within and just uncovering & discovering what has been there all the time.

Now (part 2). Now part 1 is important because part of what I am discussing about this WTF moment is a warped version of existentialism. It is the moment you face up to where you are in Life and make a decision: a decision to be less self-deceiving, more decisive, more committed, and more willing to take on responsibility for the world you exist within.

A philosopher named Martin Heidegger suggested the reason why it takes “the moment in which you make that decision” to make this personal decision to “do what needs to be done to address where we are in Life”, rather than just doing it pretty much all the time, is because we have a nasty habit of mentally creating this obstacle called das Man <translated as “the they”>. Some nebulous “they” who suggests “they say it is a waste of time” or “they say it is impractical” or “they say the opportunity has passed by.” When pressed we cannot really exactly identify who this “they” is but we know “they” is everywhere and circumvents our personal decision making power. What ‘das man’ suggests is that we convince ourselves we are not actually free to make the decision and do what needs to be done.

“They” constrict the likelihood of success.

“They” gives us the excuse to not admit we are actually free to do something.

“They” will obstruct our change and edit our story.

“They” suggest this is chnage, and change is bad, because “they” can’t see what already resides within you.

To be clear.

We all indulge in this thought process.

In fact. We indulge in this thought process the majority of the time in our lives.

That is, of course, until you reach a moment. A WTF clarity moment. And in that moment you have a choice:

free to believe you are not strong enough, you cannot change your story, you cannot do the hard, or

free to believe you are strong as fuck, you can change your story and you can do the hard things.

That is the choice.

Let me end where I began. With Nicole’s quote.

When you hit that moment. Just get it in your head the truest of true Life truths:

You are strong as fuck.

You can change your story.

You can do the hard shit.

Anyway.

Life rarely goes the way we want it to go, let alone goes the way we plan it, but we are more than capable enough of dealing with all the twists & turns. In fact. When faced with the WTF moment, we have enough to do the hard stuff to change our story, discover what is actually within that “they” may have suggested we didn’t really have and, well, we are strong as fuck and can do the hard shit. So we just do it.

“She believed in her own gravity, and she never considered escaping it.

The world isn’t improved by reading the personal tragedy that unfolded afterwards, but there’s also no fighting it—the power that lies in hearing her words is in the totality of its acceptance.”

—-

Spencer Kornhaber

<slightly edited quote>

=============

“As long as I know what I’ve done, I’m not gonna worry about what other people say or think I did.”

—

because only I know the truth

=====

Well …believed in her own gravity, and she never considered escaping it may be one of the strongest lines I have read. Why? No matter what anyone says:

Understanding yourself, who and what you are, is difficult.

Accepting yourself, who and what you are, is difficult.

Both of which, inevitably, makes believing in yourself extremely difficult.

Accepting less than perfection or accepting the fact you have imperfections is difficult.

Knowing you have flaws, even some destructive flaws, is difficult.

Both of which, inevitably, makes believing in yourself extremely difficult.

If you bundle all of those up, well, that is your gravity.

Now. For some reasons, some good and some bad, we always seem to want to fix or change our gravity <which seems … well … as I type that … kind of impossible and somewhat silly objective>.

Some people dislike their gravity and fight it, try and escape it, and some even suggest they want to “fly” as a version of showing their dislike for their own gravity.

To be clear <part 1>.

This gravity discussion is different than a “come to the edge and fly” Life discussion <that is about risk and trying to see what you are capable of>. This gravity discussion is about who and what you are. The things, good & bad, that ground you day in and day out as part of what makes you … well … you.

To be clear <part 2>.

Gravity can be defied.

Well. Let’s just say that you can learn to jump, fly or elevate <but you will inevitably get pulled back at some point>. So you can defy your gravity for moments in time.

All that said, gravity is, well, gravity. In other words, it remains no matter what else may happen as part of Life. Now. While everyone faces gravity, your version of gravity is different than someone else’s.

You may like someone else’s gravity more than your own. Shit. You may dislike gravity in general. It doesn’t really matter. You either believe in your own gravity or you end up fighting gravity your entire Life.

And that is where that opening quote is so powerful — such a strong Life idea. If you believe in your gravity, flaws and destructive qualities included, and do not try and escape it — you use what you have to the best of your ability rather than fight it.

You believe in your gravity, the good and bad, as part of what can create some space in the world for you and no one else.

You believe in your gravity, and understand it, and accept it, and believe it is what inevitably guides your feet down some path in Life.

By the way, this does not mean you are unapologetically comfortable with yourself, you may actually even find yourself slightly uncomfortable with your gravity, you just accept it and believe it inevitably makes you who you are.

And, in the end, I imagine if you do not try and escape your gravity you stop looking at other’s gravity, you stop listening to people telling you to try and change your gravity and, well, you decide to use your gravity to become the hero in your own story.

when youre unapologetically comfortable with yourself, people really dont know what to do with you.

—-

from monochromaticblack

====================

people get mad when they don’t understand the source of someone else’s confidence. lol thats wild.

—

from monochromaticblack

===============

Well.

I loved both of these thoughts written by a young African <Nigeria I believe> woman on her tumblr site.

I love them because they do not mean you don’t want to improve <in fact most of these people acknowledge they are work in progress which actually is the foundation for their confidence and comfort with self> but rather espouse a strong belief in self – or being comfortable in your own skin.

I say that, yet, most people see these things as cocky or not willing to listen or be accepting constructive criticism.

They are wrong.

It is just a reflection of a strong self-awareness. And an awareness of what is going on around them. And a willingness to adapt to the situation at hand <therefore each situation aligns with the appropriate confidence rather than trying to stay a square peg and face a round hole on occasion>.

To me … this type of discussion around self awareness driven confidence is almost like discussing the difference between the actually appropriate “I couldn’t care less” versus the more common less appropriate phrase “I could care less.”

They clearly mean different things and, yet, misused so often they are misheard and misinterpreted.

But … about the self awareness the quotes suggest.

I like the stubborn kind of love of thyself.

I like the semi-unconditional love of who and what you are.

I like the persistency and acceptance of the undeniable compass that resides within.

I like the understanding and almost commanding hold this belief has on someone’s character and behavior and attitudes.

I like the fact it leaves someone nowhere to go and, yet, at the same time enables the ability to embrace some type of expanded self.

I like the sense that this is a different type of self love which one can never escape no matter how hard you may try <because Life suggests you should ‘escape it’>.

I like the thought that it remains a version of a good friend to rely on regardless of the time of day, situation or crisis.

I like the fact it suggests a version of ‘home’ regardless of how far you may be tempted to stray.

I like it represents a source of healing from which one can replenish who and what you are … no matter what happens.

I like the sense of true companionship strength <thru thick or thin>.

I like the unapologetic faith in head, heart & humanity.

I like the … well … consistency … and the flexibility. I call it a consistent flexible personality.

=====

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.

If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

—

Friedrich Nietzsche

======

I like the idea someone can change innumerable times, yet in each iteration, will remain fundamentally the same.

I like the idea that the personality & character doesn’t change for, basically, functional reasons.

I like the idea it maintains the attitude of ‘the self’ and continuing to change, constantly aligning itself to changing world and what it learns.

And, I imagine, what I like most is that this type of self-confidence and belief in self insures that no matter how often Life and the shit it throws at you tries to put an end to its existence … you exist.

The dictionary tells us you cannot ‘put an end to the existence of something’ more than a single time. I would argue with the dictionary <which is surprising because I like unequivocal truths>. Life can, and does, put an end to the existence of lots of ‘self’ things. Sometimes for good but more often for the bad.

All I would say is that if you are unapologetically comfortable with yourself you are more likely to insure the existence of what matters and put an end to the existence of that which does not matter … when it matters.

People may not know what to do with you but you will always know what you can do.