Coming To Terms With the Dating Realities

I’ve been thinking about a number of things as of late but there is no other thought nearly as pervasive as my thoughts about the current dating scene. Like many other folks in the Millenial generation, I find it hard to believe that this is it. That this new world of dating is the current state of things. And I’ve written extensively about this topic and noticing the trends in human behavior between men and women with respect to dating.

I guess you can say that I’m just slowly coming to terms with the realities of dating. Meaning, I am aware that women, on the whole, will always default to their womanly instincts in any given situation, that they are not loyal, and that they are fickle. When you think about it, this basically describes every human being. Human beings will default to their natural instincts, will always look out for number one, namely, themselves, and are themselves fickle creatures. One day believing to stand for something and actually going out of their way to achieve said end but the very next week or month, change gears and go in the opposite direction (or at least, what appears to be the opposite direction). A lot of human behavior does not make much sense to me and I have since “turned my brain off” whenever I encounter just this type of odd behavior in people, whether man or woman. It makes my life easier knowing that “Ah, so she’s a typical braindead human being. Ok, time to move on. Nothing left to see here” and I go about my day writing off this person for the simpleton that she is.

So basically, even if I date a woman and we achieve some form of exclusivity, I have to come to terms that she can just branch out to other guys on a mere whim based on nothing more than a mere fleeting feeling that she felt at that specific moment in time for whatever random reason when in the presence of other equally eligible men. I’m getting there. I’m slowly letting that sink in that a woman isn’t loyal except to herself. And that no matter how great a provider I am, no matter how charming, funny, and physically attractive that I am, it will undoubtedly happen anyway. And for me who has been raised and socialized to believe and practice to an extent the whole traditional dating game with chivalry and all that jazz, it is, admittedly, a harsh but necessary pill to swallow. I have wished that this isn’t true for the longest time, by far, but looking back at my previous long-term relationships at the onset of high school and well into college, I realized that it wasn’t me being too clingy or needy. Sure, I loved a bit too much (if that’s even possible) and I tried to make things work, but ultimately, no matter how well I treated them, they ultimately left to be with a man that treats them like dirt, which at the time, just boggled my mind. It’s not so much that they liked being treated like a mere sexual object but that when faced with options, which was what happened when we became a couple (coupling up tends to draw other men to see what’s so special about this specific gal), they will naturally want to branch out to their other “options” to see if there’s anything better. In my specific case, the first one? I had most of the qualities that she was looking for in a mate except that I didn’t have a job and she found a guy who was everything like me but more (because of our age difference) and had a steady job with a richer family. She tree branched to that guy and the rest was history.

At the time, I blamed myself. The dating culture at the time was a bit more traditional than it is right now. If a woman leaves, it’s because the man messed up somewhere. End of story. That’s how it was back then and the dating rules were pretty clear cut. Deviations from the rules were few and far in between. Players from both ends of the gender divide were still largely a “sub-community” of communities and while still frowned upon by more traditionally minded folks, it was nonetheless still practiced to some extent among men and women to an extent. Basically, it was ok to practice it as long as you didn’t go overboard on it. On the whole, the dating scene was still pretty balanced. Had I known what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have beat myself up over it so much and make a pretty hard attempt to “better” myself so that such a thing wouldn’t happen again when I dated another gal. The reality, which I had vehemently denied at the time, was that women will always default to their natural instinctual inclinations. Always.

The second long-term relationship that I had proved almost no different. Except in that case, she actually preferred to go back to her abusive boyfriend than be with a good, faithful man. My mind couldn’t cope with that vastly contradictory dichotomy. Again, in hindsight of what I know now, I realized that it wasn’t my fault there either. There was literally nothing more that I could have done differently to alter the outcome. She had a spontaneous feeling about her abusive boyfriend and on a mere whim decided to go back despite all the evidence that pointed to that being a bad decision in the long run. Ultimately, she made her decision based on pure instincts. Looking out for number one, namely, herself. It all makes sense now.

Every woman that I’ve been with since those two have basically amounted to the same. 1) a gal was looking for a provider or 2) on a mere whim, a gal will leave despite all evidence pointing to the opposite of that being a bad decision, if she feels that she has options. I really, really did not want to believe that all women are gold diggers on some level and that all women will tree branch their way out of a steady, loving relationship, if there was an opportunity to do so. It does not matter if she was Christian, the classic “girl next door” type, or “believed” in whatever seemingly philanthropic (but ultimately self-serving) philosophy or way of life.

I’m also slowly coming to terms that American laws are overwhelmingly stacked against a man and especially so here in California. That if a woman so decides that a sexual encounter (or non-sexual encounter) wasn’t good, she can declare rape, call the cops on said guy even after the fact when the incident has long past, and arrest him. On top of that, that man will go to jail for some ridiculously long time based solely on the account of the woman’s story without any need for evidence or proof that it happened the way it did. And I’d have to thank all the MGTOW forums and Red Pill subreddit forums for educating me on how the laws and law enforcement actually work as opposed to how, in an ideal world, that it “should” work but doesn’t actually work out the way the laws were written. Knowledge is power, after all. At the very least, it’ll prevent me from shooting myself on the foot inadvertently.