Category Archives: search engine terms

I just could not put the name of this soup in my post title for fear of what Google would drive here. Although it is tempting – being a blog whore and all – to get some cheap stats by using the word ‘cock’ in a post title. But I have enough weirdos googling things like ‘castrated men’, ‘me with bulges’ and a big fave this week, ‘orange peel penis’, which in case you missed it was an actual blog post you can read here.

So yes, my friends, for those of you who savor the flavor, so to speak, you can go home and cook yourself a big bowl of Cock Flavoured Soup tonight. Who knows what will cum of it (sorry, cheap shot). I particularly like that this is made by a company called Grace. And just because I think it takes a lot of balls (again, sorry, cheap shot 2) to make a soup by this name I will give the dear people at Grace a little link love and let you know where you can buy this stuff. It would surely make a great gag gift (ok, I am taking this a bit too far, so sue me!)

A big thanks to Paula P for sending this one in. Truthfully, who had better friends than me?

Like this:

We all get them. These stupid spam emails that come from all sorts of ridiculous sender names. They have silly subject lines and almost all of them lead to a canadian pharmacy website peddling erectile dysfunction drugs. I always wonder why I get these emails. Am I targeted for being the type of woman whose penis envy is suffering from erectile dysfunction?

I found today’s email particularly entertaining. Let me break this one down.

Senders Name:Summer Flumerfelt. Now there is a porn star name if I ever heard one. Seriously, when did your flumer last get felt properly? Season or month first names always seem so fitting for porn stars.

Subject: You would, would you? Hmmm, cryptic, no? Definitive yet questioning. Or maybe this makes no sense at all but keeps us guessing that maybe we just are not sophisticated enough to get it. I love the two ‘woulds’ flanked by the two ‘yous’. Is anyone else out there as fascinated by sentence construction as I am? Did the writer even get that they were doing that? Do I have too much time on my hands today? (that last one was rhetorical)

Message:Treat-libido-problems-^efficently.. I guess the hypens between the words are an indication that this is some auto-generated messaging. Not sure about the other senseless punctuation but the message made me laugh. I can see wanting to treat a rash or dandruff efficiently, but libido? I would prefer treating that a notch or two above efficiently.

Could not resist posting this. Here are today’s top search terms to find this blog:

That’s right kids, not one listing, but two for bouquet of penis! Not sure how they got here but if you are the people who keyed that in might I direct you to this lovely option for a penis lollipop bouquet(in pretty colors, I might add).

Like this:

I know, it’s been awhile since I have done one of these. This one is for Kate, who told me last night these are her faves. Here’s the drill for you new comers to the house of I Could Cry. These are my favorite actual search terms for the past month that landed people on this blog. I am always amazed at what people will key in. I add in a little commentary because, well because that is what I do. And I link them back to the posts that I think they found.

1. hannukah pap smear I am still mildly outraged by this (while being slightly amused at the absurdity). And I suppose many others are as well, since it is the number one search term this past week.

2. girl fights were boobs pop out Ah, the ever famous girl fight post, and of course its followup, Vol. 2. Yeh, this one is a big hit. And of course the top search term that lands them here always has a boob popping out. Yes friends, not only to the guys want to see a girl fight, they are always hoping for a boob to pop out. Simple physics, I suppose.

3. tampon games Again, tampon search terms are popular here. I write about them quite a bit. I linked to tampon bowling this time because besides tampon crafts, this is my favorite.

4. slippers made maxi pads What better follow-up to tampon crafts than the ever famous maxi pad slippers. Seriously folks, there is really no need to go past the corner drug store for your holiday shopping this year.

5. castrated I had to think about this one for a minute until I remembered the mannequins that I caught with their pants down at the mall.

Better late than never. If you are a regular reader, you know the drill. If not, these are my favorite actual search terms for the past month that landed people on this blog. I am always amazed at what people will key in. I add in a little commentary because, well because that is what I do. And I link them back to the posts that I think they found.

1. big french penis Yeh, well I suppose there is nothing quite like a big french penis. Isn’t it always the accent that always gets you.

2. phone penis bonahmm, would this be like a REALLY smart phone that doubles as a vibrator?

3. is there really a penis day in Japan? The short answer is yes. The long answer can be found in the comments. For those who are wondering why there are so many search terms with penis in them, it is obvious you have not been reading. I do not set out to write about them so often, they just come up.

4. infant fartsI wrote about fart pads but I don’t think you would need them for infants. Wouldn’t the diaper serve the same purpose?

5. manorexic catalogueOh great, now there is a catalogue that perpetuates this behavior? I bet you could buy one of these there.

satan calling and how to call satan these two are a little scary. ‘who’s calling?’ Satan’ ‘Hold, on. Honey it’s for you’. I am more than a little concerned about people who are keywording the phoning of Satan.

ricky martin lunchbox was someone really looking to buy one of these? too bad I found it on the sale rack.

Like this:

Search terms are my favorite part of blogging stats. Seems there are all sorts of crazies out there keywording their little fingers to the bone to find out more about subjects like tampons and hairy backs. Lucky for me I post about such absurdities.

In the past I have linked back to all the previous search term posts. Quite frankly I think that was a waste of time so that practice is now over.

So, dive right in my friends, and discover the crazy keywords that landed on I Could Cry this month. As always I give a little commentary and link back to the original post that I think was found.

i need a jolt so do I most of the time. But I will advise against that Jolt gum featured in this post. I chewed a couple of pieces on day and was hanging of the ceiling (not in a good way)

i made you a poop this big What a lovely gift. and you were so very proud of yourself. what makes someone use this as a search term? Never mind, I don’t want the answer to that one.

boob pop out fight I get this phrase almost every week. Further proof that everyone does love a girl fight (yeesh!)

i got a call from satan 666-6666. Yeh, well if you got a call from Satan and you are using an internet search to find out what it is all about I am thinking you are really screwed.

mom command center Are there more moms out there with command centers? I would suppose so.

box of shut the hell up Oh my, I totally forgot about this post. Remember kids, when someone pisses you off, just ask them if they would like a big box of shut the hell up. Very cathartic indeed.

cancel colon medic Believe it our not I have had countless people comment on this post asking me to cancel their order. They have included names and addresses and have been might mad saying that this place keeps recharging their credit cards for reorders they did not authorize. Oh my!

toungue (yes there was a typo). Can’t say this is not a diverse blog. It takes you from the tongue to the tush and back.

And there you have it. Another month of fun and games brought to you by I Could Cry But I Don’t Have Time.