Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Bear vs. Pirate, Part 1: The DiscoTech! Chronicles

[The following is a free-ranging conversation between Red Andrews, the Senior Editor of the BearMeat Editorial Board, and Bond J. Bond, blogger-extraordinaire, from DiscoTech! Thanks to their shared sensibilities, they had much to discuss about our schools and the upcoming game between Baylor and Tech. Very little football was discussed. All images provided by DiscoTech!'s Big Book of Tech Hotties. - Eds.]

The Ladies

Red:For all its many faults, you really can't blame Baylor for having an incredible endowment of white poontang. With nearly 60% female undergraduates, Baylor men have excellent odds of leaving WacoU with a hot wife, or at least a sporting chance at a three-way. The dating culture here is bi-polar as hell: either hook-up or get engaged. There isn't much in-between. Not a lot of friends-with-benefits or casual dating relationships. Usually either courtship or drunken coitus are your two options. However, the women are spectacularly beautiful, and in spite of what you might think, it isn’t too hard to land one in the sack - just as long as you promise to take them to church the next day. I imagine Tech girls to be a lot easier to get to know Biblically, and a lot less inhibited, when you really get to know them. "Getting your guns up" probably has all sorts of meanings in that respect. If the photos posted on DiscoTech! are any indication, Tech has an endowment in hotties that rivals that of The B.

Tech Beauties: Finger-Lickin' Good

Bond:As we've illustrated in our yearbook posts, the campus has long been littered with the broken hearts of morally weak men...it's by no means a function of what any one person or group of people did to cause it -it's just a dominant trait in the school's genetic code. When I first arrived at Tech I was in a veritable Candyland - it would be similar to taking Coach Mangino to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Palace. I would say that while I was at Tech your ability to hook up with a Greek girl was directly correlated to whether or not you were Greek. Although, even in the short time I was there the "status" of Greek life was beginning to fade as the PC/anti-hazing crowd was moving quickly to eradicate any semblance of Southern Greek tradition. Most of the girls at Tech were promiscuous and were happily "yours" as long as you promised to take them to the Midnight Rodeo on Thursday night so they could find a new hook-up.

Whiskey Drinkin'

Red:

Thanks to a long tradition of off-campus drinking since the 1950s, Baylor is surprisingly like many state schools in the amount of keggers, frat parties (Edward 40-Hands comes to mind), and jello shootings at local bars. While we are Baptists (at least half of us are) and come from a teetotaling tradition, the flip side is that there is a unacknowledged, but un-checked culture of tailgating, boozin' and wasting away again in Margaritaville. It sure would be nice to have a bar in the student union, like at UT, but we take what they give us and Waco is a very easy place to drink if you are underage and adventurous. You can drink in the public parks here and can buy alcohol at H-E-B until midnight and at the bars until 2am. I've heard some horror stories about Lubbock being pretty dry. Are y'all still able to get the necessary provisions for making the right type of bad decisions?

Bond:Some would say the bad decisions started the day we "committed" to go to Tech. Tech is strict about not having any alcohol on campus. So, no bar in the UCor University Center which would be the same as your Student Union ("Student Union" is so Labor Party). That's no biggie, though because all you have to do is cross four lanes of traffic and a median across University Ave and you have your choice of cirrhosis delivery tools. The dorms also make every effort to keep the premises alcohol free. At some point though, the University has to trust that the Resident Assistant on your floor is also a good policeman. But when your RA is loaning you his dolly to bring kegs up the stairwell and fronting you the keg deposit -let's just say your freshman year is all about seeing how high you can get your alcohol tolerance. And the Strip is only a few miles out of town - and while there's something to be said for the neighborhood package store, I gotta tell you – walking into Bob's warehouse of unlimited alcoholic delights is an outstanding Vegas-like experience.

Aggies

Red:One thing we both have in common is our mutual hatred for those Ags. I'm not sure why you Techies hate them so much, but for us, its kinda like the Hatfields and McCoys. We've been playing them since 1899 and they just haven't grown on us since then. A brawl in the stands in the 1920s led to a dead Aggie, which suspended our "rivalry" for 5 years and relations haven't improved much since then. Something about their ridiculous traditions, hatred of knowledge, and overall belligerence just rubs us the wrong way. Who in their right mind would want to attend a school so backward in so many ways? We wish we had the record y'all have had against the Ags recently. It sure must feel good to take it to those chumps.

Texas Coeds Gone Wild!

Bond:I think we join the general population of America when it comes to bagging on Aggies. Going to college should be that time in your life when you're exposed to different ideas, thoughts and experiences. You're free to confirm your beliefs or to change your mind at any time. Aggies seem to revel in their perceived superiority and the fact that their traditions border on Jonestownian doesn't seem to register in their closed mind. I think that the modern generation of Raiders thoughts about the Aggies were confirmed when they broke the leg of Rodney Allison on 1977. I have posted pics from our yearbook that reveal that the Aggies were defacing school monuments as early as 1969, though. Aggies have some to the DiscoTech! and said "All you talk about is the Aggies - every post is about us." This reveals three things about them in my opinion:1. Megalomania2. They need an abacus or something3. They continue to make themselves easy targets.

GuyMo vs. Mike "The Pirate" Leach

Red:Leach is a badass pirate sent by the football gods to give endless material to bloggers and West Texans. I would give my first born son for Leach to coach at Baylor. Right now our basketball coach, Scott Drew, could probably have squeaked out a conference win this season, and he's never won a road game in four years at the B. GuyMo is on his way out and everyone knows it. He showed us that we could muster a win or three in conference, but not much else. Its time for us to move in another direction – Mike Singletary, maybe. Perhaps we could convince that defensive coordinator at Alabama to come coach for us - wait, that's Kevin Steele. Dammit.

Good Things Come in Threes

Bond:Do you really grasp the comedy that would be Coach Leach in Waco?!? First, he's a Mormon. He's as much admitted that he has religious discipline issues, so I don't think he's made it to sacred sanitary napkin status. Rumors used to be quite persistent that he was a drunk - although I think those have died down as people realize that he just talks that way all the time. He absolutely LOVES the press, especially when it's about him - so being as close as you are to Austin and DFW would only allow him more outlets/opportunities to be on YouTube. With Scott Drew in the same building - there could be some really lively religious topics discussed between those two. As we've mentioned on the blog we're just confused. We've come to expect certain things and have become victims of our own success. Coach Leach has elevated the program's status and the team hasn't delivered. We hold out hope that the youth of the team will serve us well next year and that maybe we can get a "name" defensive coordinator during the spring. Kevin Steele you say? Hmmmm. No thanks. We are glad that we have found our interweb doppelganger in BearMeat and raise a tumbler of Woodford Reserve on the rocks, unsullied by cola products, to you. Cheers.

Gunder Thorson Presents: Baylor Boyz

I always knew that Gunder Thorson was special. When we first, ahem, abducted Intern Thorson from a mildewed basement in the suburbs of Chicago, our plan was to treat him like all the other male interns. Low wages, meager tips, Amiga 1000s, scraps thrown from the "Table of Fists and Feasts," chewed pen caps, dried up hi-liters, and Ziggy scrapbooks...to name a few of the perks of being a BearMeat intern.

King GuyMo interviewing for the head coaching position at Prairie View A&M

However, Gunder turned out be something very special. He pampered us. We would rise from our plush beds to delicious coffees, a tablespoon of Rebel Yell for each Editor, fresh meats and berries, and of course Gunder's specialty, bagels with goat cheese and smoked eels (delivered daily from the Baltic Sea, mind you). We couldn't chew this one up and throw out the 13th floor. We had a keeper here.

Gunder: "My early years were difficult. My lips attracted many sex."

So it is with no great surprise that Gunder's research during the wee hours of this fine Halloween would turn up some BearMeaty Madness. What we have here are some young and virile Baylor Boyz. Nothing like getting crunk, taking some HGH, and celebrating a boring Red Sox World Series Championship. This video has the following: slow motion, violence, young boys grabbing each other, broken doors, a dude named Cheece, a meaty ass crack, Jonathan Papelbon if he went to Baylor.

(Please Lord, for the sake of BearMeat's advertising budget, let this be actual Baylor baseball players)

The Round Up: No Gotham Bowl Gems

Hoping to follow up our Gotham Bowl coverage with some tidbits from the Baylor Round Up from that year, we sent an intern (Gunder Thorson, that poor bastard) into the BearMeat Library to retrieve the 1961-62 edition of the Baylor Round Up (our annual). The coverage of the Gotham Bowl included no fanfare or photos, so we were a bit disappointed. However, Gunder did point out a few photos worth sharing with our readers. Thanks to DiscoTech!'s Bond J. Bond for this idea. Look for our in-depth conversation with DiscoTech! on BearMeat tomorrow.

Just Two Red-Blooded Baylor Boys Doing Manly Things

The Baylor Bruin Havin' a DP. Must have been 10, 2 or 4

Gunder, hoping not to disappoint us too badly, then pulled out the yearbook from 1949, which featured Baylor's first bowl game, the Dixie Bowl! It featured the Baptists of Baylor University against the Baptists of Wake Forrest. It yielded a few hilarious cartoons. Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The B: 1961 Gotham Bowl Champs!

The Gotham Bowl: Our Greatest Post-Season Triumph

The Gotham Bowl was a short-lived bowl game held for only two years in the early 1960s. The game was hosted at in NYC at the now-defunct Polo Grounds for its inagural game, then at Yankee Stadium for its final game the following year. The Wikipedia entry cites the cold weather and the lack of fan support and ticket revenue as two reasons why the Gotham Bowl failed to sustain as a viable annual bowl. Now, thanks to the good people at Congress Clothing (located next to Scruffy Murphy's on Speight), Baylor fans can relive the 1961 Gotham Bowl victory with a commemorative/ironic t-shirt celebrating that glorious day in December for only $24! Here is the link to their Gotham Bowl t-shirt. In our first meeting with Utah State, we trounced those "Big Blue Aggies" 24 to 9. Sic 'em, Bears! I love NY!

This could be you, clad in your Gotham Bowl t-shirt and ready to impress some English-major-coeds from Plano with your use of the word "post-structuralism" over a few pints at the Dancing Bear Pub

LOCAL CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT UPDATE! WacoTrib hearthrob reporter Emily Ingram sported a Gotham Bowl t-shirt long before BearMeat made them famous. Thanks to Wendy Does Waco for the tip.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Bear vs. Wildcat, Part 3: Farewell to a Season

Last year BearMeat gave up on the season with three games to go. Shawn Bell was injured during a crucial 4th quarter possession in the 2006 Battle of the Brazos against A&M in front of the largest crowd in Floyd Casey history. The injury precluded our bowl hopes and the chance of winning another game. After that it was three games to go with Blizzle Szyzzle at the helm against Oklahoma, OSU, and Tech. The situation this season is eerily similar to last season, so we will have to order double our weekly shipment of Rebel Yell and call back our nubile interns from their Semester at Sea on Lake Waco. We will now delve deep into the pleasures of the flesh, awaiting the end of this season the way Ted Nugent awaits his annual M-16 hunt of "The Most Dangerous Game" in Cameron Park (usually an unlucky inmate from McLennan County Jail is the prey of The Great White Hunter).

"Ref, can't we just call this game now, just like they used to in Little League? Show some mercy, for God's sake."

We could make jokes about how GuyMo put three different QBs in the game during the first half of play or about how Machen's senior leadership proved a bust, or about how Weed failed to take the Bears higher, or about how Blizzle Szyzzle regained his starting spot. We could make plenty of jokes, but we're sick of making jokes about how terrible our team is. Thank God Texas Tech (also reeling from humiliating defeats) is next week. We expect much love from Disco Tech!, Double T Nation and the Classless Clowns (who just don't give a damn). Other than that, expect a hell of a lot less football coverage and plenty of bitterness, despair and self-loathing.

We won't dignify this loss with a passage from the Scriptures. We will however leave you with an incredible WacoTrib Photo Gallery of a man who took a losing program and turned it into a conference champion.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Grant Teaff Speaks: The Em Zone Interview

"Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" 2 Chronicles 1:10

The Em Zone just went from being a light-hearted romp into the heart of Baylor football culture to a Pulitzer-quality journalistic endeavor. Emily Ingram's interview of Grant Teaff is NOT TO BE MISSED, if you give a damn at all about Baylor football. Here is the link to the interview (Part 1, so far!).

The Coach & The Hearthrob

Coach Teaff opens up on how he became the coach at Baylor, how low the expectations were ("Don't embarass us") and how pitiful the facilities were. Before Teaff came to The B, football was in a sorry state of affairs. Just like today. Perhaps all we need is that one man, who refuses to accept defeat and keeps pushing his team until they win. Teaff also reveals his difficult emotional struggle with watching Baylor lose so badly since the mid-1990s. Teaff on Baylor's losing seasons: "Do I hurt? Yes. Is it sometims embarrasing? Extremely."

"My Goals are alot higher than that."

Congratulations to Trib reporter Emily Ingram, for landing and conducting a timely interview with a living legend. God bless Baylor. Sic 'em, Bears!

Bear vs. WildCat, Part 2: A Pair of Untamed WildCats

BearMeat is nothing if not a blog of memories and mammaries. Sometimes, an opponent is best sized up by a thorough analysis of their teats. Some of you (about 17) will recognize a few of the following photos from last year. If that is the case, you are entitled to the BearMeat HardMeat Award, for outstanding dedication to a blog of whimsy and satire in the face of the crushing weight of the world outside the internets. With that, we present the following three examples of WildCat Boobs!

Two WildCats On the Loose in the Little Apple

K-State's Answer to Brock? A Poor Imitation Indeed

The First Boob: A Yale Cheerleader on Varsity?

If this post didn't quite satisfy your longing for satire, we point you to a few recent conversations we've had with other blogs, who interviewed BearMeat for a few chuckles and for the inevitable advertising revenue bump that such an interview generates.

"Referring to the Baylor Running Game is like referring to Czechoslovakia - it is no longer in existence. Thanks to our new pass-happy offense (an offense which we don't have the talent or coaches to run effectively), the running game has been subject to starvation-level stats and felony-level neglect."

"Wherever two or more college football fans are gathered, painting their chests and tanking up on booze before a game, Brock is in the midst of them. Wherever someone is pouring a bit too much Ranch dressing on his pizza, Brock is there. Wherever Baylor is getting blown out by a weak conference opponent, Brock is there. Wherever fans seek some shred of dignity and hope in a losing effort, Brock is there."

"Lately our creed has been "Embrace the Absurdity" - revel in the bizarre twist of fate that has led us to the current state of affairs. No, we won't compete for a bowl any time soon, but our assistant coaches will add levity with their unique pub urination customs and zany Texas Tech-style offense."

Finally, how could we let an opportunity go by without giving a shoutout to the greatest K-State fan of them all; a man whose artistic vision puts him on the outer fringe of digital college football fandom, CHUM: The Michelangelo of the Little Apple. Here is a beautiful sample of his work from the critically-acclaimed CatLab Project (similar to Los Alamos, but a bit more explosive and ground-breaking). Enjoy.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Your Daily Green 'n' Golden Nugget

Here ye, here ye, here ye! The following notice is an important update regarding the "What happened to Grandpa?" Sweepstakes.

Let it be known that on this fine Thursday afternoon at approximately 2:30 in the afternoon, the BearMeat SportsBook located in the southwest corner of the 13th floor of the Alico Building will be updating its odds board. Newly uncovered information straight from the mouth of offensive coordinator Lee "Sniper" Hays has forced our crack staff of interns to change the betting odds on why Mike Machen was unavailable for the first half of the season.

Lee Hays sez...

On Mike becoming the new QB:"Mike has always been an option in rain or bad weather because he can wrap his whole hand around my head."

And that's a big freaking head, folks. So what does this mean for the boards? Well it very much drops the odds of Machen having gonorrhea from 5/2 all the way to 7/1. We are now convinced that "Grandpa" Machen suffers from Acromegaly. The same disease that brought down "The Eighth Wonder of the World" aka Andrè the Giant.

Let's compare.

The Baltimore Orioles will ruin your life.

Ok, so let's get today's final board up for you to place your wagers. BearBucks and the Sudanese Dinar will not be accepted as their current inflation rates render them useless; however, K-State Cat Cash Cards are permissible due to our upcoming trip up the the Little Apple. Feel free to chime in if you have any insider info.

Acromegaly - 3/2

Gonorrhea - 7/1

King GuyMo - 20/1

Mobile, AL - 35/1

Gout - 80/1

I'll take two racks of beef ribs and one corn fed white woman, please.

Baylor Beats #3 USC! (in 1985)

Thanks to "Baylorfan" for uploading beaucoup Baylor-related videos into Youtube, including this gem: the Grant Teaff Show following the victory over #3 USC in 1985. You may want to watch this video to reassure yourself that Baylor was once a formidible opponent, a bowl contender, and a program that was greatly respected. [The clip is 9 min long.]

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Counterpoint: An Open Poem to the Citizens of Waco

[What follows is Guvn'r Pat's sincere plea to his fellow Wacoans and triumphant return from weeks of sobriety in Abilene. The horror...the horror. -Eds.]

Waco needs a 70 foot Texas Ranger statue. I for one believe that there are many reasons Waco could use this very tall, and might I say....statuesque, mustachioed man.

I shall express my feelings poetically.

Sonnets from the Wacoan

How do I want thee tall Man? Let me divulge.I want thee to point your large gun towards the WestSo that my soul may know the way to Bad Bear Liquor at all times.I want thee to point your "other" large gun towards the ground,As we are a God-fearing city without displays of public affection.I want thee to have an equally large spittoon near thy bootsSo I can gleefully watch the Townies swim and pranceIn the midst of your salacious Red Man juice.I want thee to sport buttless chaps,So that I-35 drivers may ride horny and distracted,In hopes that traffic violations may swell the city's coffers.I want thee to be an Audio-Animatronic,Spouting out the history of our fair city,With a booming yet lilting voice,Whilst educating the Templetons, the Beltonians,The Martians, the Marlins, the Walburgers,And the Russians of Austin.I want thee! Oh how I need theeAs a distraction to this football season,As a distraction for our new psychotic, possibly sociopathic,Starting quarterback, Mike "Keep Waco Wacko" Machen,Mmmm, I say your name and think of maple syrup and bacon.How do I love me some me?How do I love me some John David Weed?

"I enjoy babies. And poetry."

This concludes our time together. Let us end with some encouraging words from our fearless leader, King GuyMo.

That leads to the logical question: Where the heck was Machen for the first seven games of the season?

Morriss' answer: None of your business. "It's something I don't care to talk about in public," he said.

"People who aren't around this team don't know what's going on," Morriss added. "All they see is Saturday.

"There are some good reasons why it's taken this long (for Machen to emerge). The important thing is he's got the reins right now, his teammates believe in him, we believe in him, and we're going to back him. That's really all I need to say about that."

An Open Letter to the Citizens of Waco

[What follows is Red Andrews sincere plea to his fellow Wacoans and is not a work of satire. -Eds.]The proposed statue of the 70 foot tall Texas Ranger located on the banks of the Brazos at I-35 will be detrimental to Waco's reputation and economy, further linking the popular (and wrong-headed) notion that Waco is truly "wacko."

Big Tex 2.0: "Welcome to Crazy Town, Texas!"

The first problem with this statue is its size and location and what that will mean. Most people encounter our city not through the media, but passing through on I-35. While the proponents of this idea believe that is precisely why the statue would be perfect, I contend that this will only solidify the perception of Waco as eccentrically rooted in the past and prone to violence. For those of us who spend time trying to convince others that Waco is not a strange place, but possesses enormous assets and is actually a great place to live, this statue will be an irrefutable counter-argument. The City of Waco and Waco Chamber have been working hard to counter these negative perceptions of Waco by re-branding Waco as a modern city not out of step with the mainstream. The Waco We Do campaign and the Downtown Waco revitalization projects would both be threatened by this statue. Will businesses really consider locating to Waco if, when their executives are driven in from the airport, they are baffled by the presence of a 70 foot cowboy?

Huntsville's Houston: How City Council Envisions Big Tex 2.0

Secondly, this statue will dwarf the positive landmarks along I-35 and will lay exclusive claim to being the symbol of Waco. Currently, when driving through Waco, one sees the spires of Baylor University and the ALICO building. Neither of these suggest that Waco is a "wild" or "untamed" place as does a statue of a man with a gun. The Texas Ranger Museum and Hall of Fame is a great asset for this city and it has helped to contribute to the tourist economy in Waco. However, the Texas Ranger Museum should not lay exclusive claim to our city's identity. If the statue were reduced to 20 to 30 feet high it would not be such a potent symbol of our city. While we are proud of the Texas Rangers, they do not define who we are, nor should a 70 foot statue be erected to celebrate their museum here. By this logic, we should have a 70 foot high statue of Michael Johnson outside the Texas Sports Hall of Fame or a 70 foot high statue of a Mammoth outside the Discovery Center. This statue will be more than an attraction; it will be a symbol of our city.

Monroe, Ohio's Jesus: How Big Tex 2.0 Will Be Perceived

Finally, while the Texas Rangers are an institution that we all can be proud of, their mixed legacy (to put it lightly) of abuses against the African American and Mexican American communities in Texas, does not seem to fit with a city whose non-white population is 50%. The 70 foot statue of Sam Houston is not located in downtown Huntsville. That statue is an embodiment of the spirit of Huntsville, since he lived there and made it his home. A statue right downtown of an abstract, generalized Texas Ranger serves no civic purpose besides attracting visitors off the highway out of sheer disbelief.

Exactly the type of shame and parody this will invite

The Texas Ranger as a general symbol is not who Waco is and a 70 foot statue of a Texas Ranger is an impediment to where this city is going. I would ask that the citizens of Waco contact the City Council members and the Texas Ranger Museum to oppose this idea.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Bear vs. WildCat, Part 1: Interview with Bring on the Cats

[We are pleased to share a recent interview with TB of Bring on the Cats as part of our game preview of the upcoming bout with the Kansas State Wildcats. TB's blog is one of the premiere Big12 blogs - updated frequently, great analysis, and hilarious coverage. We hope you enjoy our conversation as much as we did. Be sure to check out his blog for his interveiw of BearMeat. - Eds.]

BearMeat: Chum's videos. What are your impressions of his work and how he is received as an artist in the Little Apple?

Bring on the Cats: I haven't really watched many of the videos. The first few were, interesting, but then school started up for me and I didn't have time to keep up with all the new work out of the Catlab. I have to give Chum his due, he knows how to make YouTube videos, placing him far ahead of me in technological know-how. As for his reception in the Little Apple, I don't really know for sure, but nobody asked me about it in Aggieville two weeks ago. For the record, nobody asked me about Bring On The Cats, either.

Chum's latest: Play Like a What?

BM: The KU v KSU rivalry is getting good in both sports now. What are the primary differences in student culture and institutional identity between KSU and KU? (Is KSU the "Texas A&M" of Kansas? Is KU the UC-Berkeley?)

BOTC: Relative to each other, K-State is the more Kansas-centric school, having a higher percentage of Kansas natives among its student population. In fact, if you discount Johnson County (KC suburb) which is only a quasi-Kansas entity, the gap widens further. At KU, you are probably more likely to meet someone from Chicago than someone from Cimarron, truly making it the flagship university of Kansas.

As to the K-State/A&M comparison, it's probably fairly accurate. I've said before that, minus a Corps of Cadets and about 25,000 students, K-State has a lot of A&M characteristics--remote location, emphasis on agricultural and engineering programs, great love for anyone whose last name is Bush, etc. (links here and here).

Now I may get in trouble for this, but KU is not the UC-Berkeley of Kansas. It's not the Wisconsin-Madison of Kansas. When it comes to crazy counterculture schools and their towns, KU/Lawrence can't even hold a candle to Texas/Austin. Sure, the town and its residents fought against slavery, but that was 150 years ago.

Portrait of the Blogger as a cross-eyed abolitionist

BM: What does it feel like to beat Texas two years in a row? Can you make it three years? How easy is it to give Colt McCoy a concussion?

BOTC: As a Texas resident, beating UT two years in a row is a wonderful feeling, because no matter how bad the rest of the season goes--*cough/gag* losing to KU and Oklahoma State *cough/gag*--nobody in burnt orange can say anything to me. For those still living back in the promised land, it's probably muted because the only Texas fans they know are t-shirt fans who just latched on to the team with a steer as its mascot.

As for making it three years, I would say it's doubtful, but then again I thought it was doubtful we would win either of the games the last two years. By the time we play them again, Josh Freeman will have graduated and we'll be relying on Ron Prince's recruits and his assistant coaches' ability to get those recruits ready. No idea how well that's going to work.

BM: Ron Prince. Give your honest assessment.

BOTC: Ron Prince has been a better hire than I ever thought he'd be. He's a good spokesman for our university and has turned around a program that was fast sinking toward irrelevancy, going 4-7 and 5-6 the two years before he took the helm. If he wins seven or eight games this year and puts us in a decent mid-tier bowl game, I will consider that decent progress given the difficulty of the schedule.

Now for the bad. He doesn't run the ball, even when it's working. That's not necessarily all bad if the passing game is working, but it doesn't lead to ball-control and exposes the defense to fatigue. He doesn't get consistent effort out of his team from week-to-week. He has lost to KU twice. That trend alone, if it continues, will ensure he won't be around very long.

Overall, I'm content for now. These teams are a lot more fun to watch than Bill Snyder's last two teams, but we all realize we're not back to 1998, or even 2003. We'd like to see that again.

"Wildcat" was written in an obsolete vernacular

BM: Josh Freeman. Give us your honest assessment.

BOTC: Josh Freeman is growing up in front of our eyes. Last year, loyal denizens of the B saw Freeman's first real game action, and you could tell he was a fish out of water--or maybe a Wildcat out of Manhattan--when he tossed three terrible interceptions. Last weekend, he threw for 400+ yards and three touchdowns, his best game to date. He finally has more touchdown passes than interceptions on the year. His progression has gone from wide-eyed freshman to competent game-manager. Now he's moving toward difference-maker status, with games like he had last Saturday. It's time to start doing that against the better defenses, consistently.

Weed: Freeman's "Country Cousin"

Oh, and GuyMo could probably take a page out of Ron Prince's book when it comes to choosing a quarterback. Instead of having a five-ring circus, just run off all the quarterbacks you don't want and stick with the one you do want. Hell (heck, sorry), it's worked so far!

Here's to a good game Saturday. Can't wait for my next trip to lovely Waco for the basketball showdown this winter. I'm sure I will be one among many of the national media descdending on the town on the Brazos for such a newsworthy event.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Baptist Jokes!

Readers,

By now you probably want some assessment on whether Machen is actually a better QB than Blyzzle. GuyMo seems pleased with him, as does the WacoTrib's Jerry Hill and the Baylor Lariat's Will Parchman. However, 3 INTs does not a conference win make. Yes, his leadership skills were superior to Szyzzle's, but what does it matter? Do your really want to line up your turds and see which is shiniest? Neither dudes are turds per se, but with the system, coaching and talent we have, a conference win before GuyMo is executed, er, terminated, would be a damn miracle.

"Old Man" Machen & Dead Man Walkin'

Instead of speculating endlessly about why we "suck so bad" (overheard at FCS on Saturday), let's try to share some Southern Baptist jokes to lighten things up in Baylordom. Here are our three submissions, taken from the Tidwell Babel Building Big Book of Baptist Jokes. Please leave your best Baptist joke(s) in the comments section.

Baptist Joke #1

Q: "Why do you have to take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?"

A: "If you bring only one, he'll drink all your beer."

Baptist Joke #2

Q: "Why don't Baptists make love standing up?"

A: "Because people might think they are dancing."

Baptist Joke #3

Jews don't recognize Jesus, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Bear vs. Cow, Part 3: Three Quarters of Competitive Football

Colt McCoy Will Sex You Up, LongHorny Style

Three quarters of excellent defensive football. Our defense has been the one shiny spot on the unpolished turd of the 2007 season. If only we had a QB or 5 who could run the spread offense and a receiver or three that could catch crucial passes. That and a running game that isn't solely a tax write off for Baylor. We'd love to wax philosophic about how the first three quarters were hope-filled and beautiful, but the 4th quarter was enough to make us forget about the best three quarters of Big12 football that we've played so far this year. Damn, I can't believe we still have four more games to play. This season could not end any sooner than right now. As such, we present a photo montage, which includes an amazing sequence of photos emailed to us by Brock's friend John, who has been fighting the good fight this season: taking on the sins of the unbelievers on their backs as they paint their bodies and cheer their lungs out.

Editorial Board

We are two ghosts from the past summoned by the Bear faithful to dwell among the living in Waco, Texas. Our charge: to defend the B until the many curses on our school have been lifted or until the Agriculturalists are defeated. We have devised BearMeat, a Baylor sports blog, to further the interests of The B and the Fightin' Baylor Bears. The two members of the BearMeat Editorial Board are:

Burnt Orange Nation: "The zany BearMeat blog is always full of good stuff. Tasked with covering a team that's not exactly dominating the major Big 12 sports any time soon, these fellas do it with class, style, and most importantly, lots of humor."

Meaty Features

The Origin of "BearMeat"

This photo, found in a Texas Tech yearbook by Disco Tech!, is the first known image of the popular usage of the term "BearMeat" in the Baylor sports context. It is a student sign made for the Tech vs. Baylor game in Lubbock in 1975. Tech did in fact eat BearMeat, as they won 33-10.

DISCLAIMER

BearMeat is a satirical blog written for the purposes of humor and entertainment. The views and opinions expressed herein do not represent those of Baylor University and/or its employees and/or its students and/or alumni, or any individual or institution mentioned herein. Links to external sites do not necessarily constitute an endorsement of the views contained on those sites. This blog is not a for-profit enterprise. It is written and maintained by three amateur satirists seeking to lampoon subjects in the public square.