Notorious Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle is already making a name for himself during his freshman House term. Unfortunately, most of that is due to his terrible standup comedy. But the boy wonder now has an opportunity to redeem himself and restore the Quayle family name to its fading 1980s glory. He's been tasked with ensuring America's earthquake preparedness, from his chair in a House subcommittee.

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Quayle shared the good news on Twitter yesterday morning: "I'm about to chair a subcommittee hearing on earthquake preparedness. Obviously, this is an critical issue after the devastation in Japan." It's an critical because of Japan!

Advice: If you live on, say, the San Andreas fault, then start running east immediately. You should do that anyway. Why the hell did you settle there? Don't expect Dan Quayle's weird kid to save you.