Smooth Criminal

This is a collaboration post with beauty blogger Kizzy over at Kizzy-Online.com. Want to know how she gears up for Summer and gets rid of unnecessary hair? Read her super-helpful post here.

Here in New Jersey, it’s starting to get warm again. Summer is on the way, after a long and grueling winter, it is nice to look forward to things like pool time, beaches and being outside without my nips freezing off. Part of getting ready for summer is getting rid of the layer of winter fur we (or at least, I…) accumulate with the excuse of “I need it to stave off winter’s chill.” In reality, no one is seeing my legs in winter so I’m not spending the extra time shaving them. Shaving, honestly, only takes me about 5 minutes. I love using the Schick Intuition razor that has the shaving cream bar built around the razor. It’s my go-to standard I’ve been using for 10 years after first trying it out while on vacation at the shore. I’ve tried a lot of stuff in the name of getting effortlessly-smooth legs, and this is what I’ve settled on. However, there were some bumps along the way before I found my Ol’ Reliable razor. Gather round for a cautionary tale of hair-removal adventures….

Once upon a time, 19 year old Nadine was super excited for summer and wanted to be smooth and sexy. She had a hot date, a short sun dress and not a care in the world. In an effort to up my sexiness, I thought I’d try Nair for super smooth legs that lasted longer than shaving. In case you don’t know, Nair is a hair-removal cream that is essentially lye with additives. The cream did the job and left the my legs super smooth. The Nair also left a vague rotten-egg smell while it was doing its job. They don’t mention that in the commercials of girls in bikinis happily singing “who wears short shorts.” No one wants to say “who smells like burnt hair and a hard-boiled egg.”

Fully confident enough to wear an adorable sundress for my date the next day, I thought “well…. if my legs look this good and ready for anything, maybe it would work just as well on my bikini line!” Doom. Do you hear the ominous music playing right now, because I should have. This was a Bad Idea. A Very Bad Idea. Naive Nineteen Year Old Nadine thought she was gonna get her lady-zone ready in case this date went super well. Hello, waxing is expensive and Nair is like five bucks. This had to be a slam-dunk idea, right?

It starts off with “well this side is uneven” and then “well now it makes this side look uneven” and that charade goes back and forth until you essentially give in and think “well how about we try the Brazilian look and be REALLY sexy” instead of owning up to the fact that you can’t do anything symmetrically.

It starts with good intentions to have a sexy vagina, impress a guy you’ve been lusting after and feeling like a woman. The end result is the fact that you don’t put lye near your private parts. You don’t use Nair on your vagina region thinking that the indications on the bottle CLEARLY stating that fact is just trying to rain on your parade. Don’t do it. Summer is coming, and you want to enjoy it. Not end up cancelling your plans for days on end and laying spread-eagle with an ice pack on your vag for days on end. That’s not how you start the summer at all. But by all means, if you want a horribly chemically-burned private area that makes you want to just live in a bath-tub full of ice like someone just stole your kidney, by all means, put Nair on your cooter.