Saturday, 6 March 2010

BY WOLE OGUNTOKUN I’VE been feeling grumpy lately and I feel half of it has to do with the heat wave that has embroiled the country. From the Northern regions of the nation to the extremes of the South, we are covered with a blanket of the most extra-ordinary heat. For those who have jobs that do not require much creativity and are able to operate on auto-pilot, they might manage to go from day to day hoping the air conditioners (and the generators which have become such an essential part of our lives) do not fail. For those who make any pretentious claims of literary creativity, it can be the most trying weather to work in. The air is still. And dry. And hot. To top this fantastic equation, that behemoth that governs the provision of electricity to the citizens of this country has finally excelled itself in its own lack of productivity. At night, the land is covered in a sheet that is as black as pitch. The Minister of Mines and Power in Nigeria should officially be called ‘The Prince of Darkness’ at all public functions. “We are pleased to announce the presence of his Royal Highness, the Prince of Darkness”. If you ever heard of a more befitting title, let me know. The Whisperer, when he is not cursing at extreme weather has been directing the rehearsals, almost daily, of a league of extraordinary ladies and men. The point of the rehearsals? A show planned for every Sunday this month and tagged ‘the Ultimate Face-Off, the Tarzan Monologues versus The V. Monologues’. Featuring Kate Henshaw-Nuttall, Bimbo Manuel, Carol King, Ego Ogbaro and Iretiola Doyle among some of the most talented people on the face of this planet (no, the talented do not all live in Hollywood), issues you would normally think were clear and self-explanatory are now placed under close scrutiny. WHAT is it about men that make us appear almost beastly at times? Associating with such a motley crew makes one weigh actions, both past and present. A female The Whisperer met a while back, who could not figure the seeming lack of sensitivity on his part, to her needs, walked out of his life but re-appeared a few months after. However, her expectations of a return to a level that existed before were not met. The reason for this was simple. In any relationship, you can only make demands from a position of power. The “power” or the leverage being the fact that your partner cares enough for you not to want to cause you pain or hurt. If the scale swings in a lop-sided manner, that is, the person you claim to care about cannot be bothered about what makes you happy or sad, you have lost out in this equation and it would be better to chart another path in another person’s life. By the way, no one came to this earth whose mission was solely to keep you happy. It is your responsibility to engineer your own joys. If you are under the illusion that it is another’s life-work to keep you emotionally buoyant, you are mistaken and you will always end up accusing others of behaving badly. So out there, there are many people who think we behaved badly but it is all about a simple truth, “it’s not who you love. It’s who loves you.” The Whisperer’s wanderings brought him before two radio personalities today, Titi Adelagun and Gbemileke ‘Oscar’ Oyinsan and their presentations gave him food for thought. Their show was a well-oiled machine with none of the drivel you sometimes hear on radio and television shows when your interviewer has no idea what you’re there for and lacks the intelligence to make you cover up his or her own ignorance. I enjoyed myself immensely with Titi and Oscar but even while fielding questions and listening to them give well-thought out opinions, my mind still drifted to the times I had been accused of behaving badly by others. There is a host of humans who specialise in blaming others for all their ills. Everything that goes wrong with them must be firmly attached to the wrong-doings of others. The Girl Whisperer admonishing recklessness by some females must mean he hates women (I’ve heard that before), a partner walking away from a relationship is entirely to blame for the mess. How did the conversation with Oscar and Titi take me on this road? Who knows the way of the human mind? Sometimes it drifts and road leads unto road.

SO sometimes men will behave badly and you might be entirely innocent in the way things turn out, partly to blame or you might carry the entire blame for the situation. A female I had a passing acquaintance with, took a shine to my brother and decided he was the one she wanted to spend her entire life with. Unfortunately for this particular female, The Whisperer’s opinion mattered to the man in issue. Now even though I come from a family in which we rarely interfere in each other’s affairs, I gave my not very favourable opinion when it was sought. Despite my seeming nonchalance at times, I can be very particular about what dilutes the family strain. She knew I blocked that pass but I didn’t care much about that. In the short run, it might appear like men behaving badly but it was all about the long term for me. To the young lady who wrote me to say she and her boyfriend had broken up many times but had come together again only to continue the cycle, I must write here that a habit is different from a relationship. We do not have relationships to stop those we care about from finding happiness with others. We start relationships because we want to be everything to these people. If the main point is to prevent his having feelings for another girl, you are behaving badly and you will break up again. If you love something, set it free. In this case, if it doesn’t come back, don’t hunt it down and kill it. laspapi@yahoo.com

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The entertainment and fashion supplement of The Guardian, Lagos. Established October 2005. The primary focus of the well-written journal is to provide a forum for young people, celebrating role models and good ideas. Our cover stories, which are mostly about "unknown" or "little-known" Nigerians, have influenced millions of Nigerians, and many of those who have appeared on these covers have gone on to win prestigious awards...