Many Wives Say No-sex Marriage Is Just Fine

June 25, 1990|By Ann Landers.

Dear Readers: A while back I printed a letter from a woman who signed herself ``Content in Montreal.`` She and her husband are in their late 50s. They play golf, take frequent vacations and count themselves among the happily married. Twelve years ago they gave up sex.

``Content`` said she was sure that they would be considered odd if not abnormal, if people knew. She asked how many other married couples enjoyed a full life without sex. I said I`d ask. And I did.

Well, dear readers, the mail on this subject has knocked my office for a loop. More than 35,000 people have responded and guess what? More than 65 percent of the couples older than 60 who wrote, and 75 percent of the couples older than 70, have very little or no sex, and they don`t miss it.

My mail tells me that men of all ages are far more interested in sex than women, and an amazing number of women in all age groups consider sex a duty or a nuisance. They pretend to enjoy it and fake orgasms to keep their men happy. Some couples gave up on sex in their early 30s while others were still enjoying it in their 80s. But enough from me. Let`s look at the mail.

From Dallas: My wife and I are both 62. We have not had sex in 15 years and we don`t miss it. Instead of sex we hug, kiss, pat, squeeze, wink and tell jokes. We love each other and get along a lot better than our married children, who are sexaholics. They have asked us not to call them weekends because they don`t want their lovemaking interrupted, yet they argue and fight all the time and show no respect for one another.

Los Angeles: I am 89. My wife is 91. We have been married for 65 years. I don`t remember when we last had sex and neither does she. On my 85th birthday, I asked her if she`d like to ``celebrate.`` She said, ``What if I get pregnant? What would you do?`` I said I`d notify the Guinness Book of World Records. She didn`t think it was a bit funny, and I haven`t brought up the subject since.

Hillsdale, Mich.: I am 60. My husband is 70. I never cared for sex, but my husband, who has been over the hill for at least five years, insists on trying. Sometimes his efforts last an hour and I am exhausted. He thinks you are very smart, Ann. I wish you`d do a column on this and tell the old goats to give up on sex when their batteries have gone dead.

New York: When my husband turned 50 he told me he was impotent and suggested that I find myself a lover. I said I wasn`t interested. Two years later he was hit with a paternity suit. No sex at home doesn`t necessarily mean no sex.

Portland, Maine: My husband and I are both 33. After our third child was born we agreed not to have any more sex. We bought a stationary bicycle for the bedroom, joined a health club, and are very happy.

Grand Rapids, Mich.: My wife and I are 50 and more in love now than we were at 22. Our lively sex life adds a magical dimension to our marriage. Physical intimacy is truly a life enhancer. Life without sex would be like spring without flowers.

Houston: My husband and I have been married 26 years. We had three children, wore out a couple of mattresses the first five years, and decided we`d had enough. We have Bible study, the Masonic lodge, Eastern Star and crossword puzzles. If you print this letter in your column, please don`t publish our name. Our parents are still alive and they would be mortified. Thank you.

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