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It Happened

It happened... things were going so well... except for the very first day when there were just a few tears because it was new, we haven't had ONE issue with this.. not one... except for today...

Today it was raining and he wanted the umbrella. So I let him carry the umbrella, but he didn't want to put it 'down' when we got to the door. He refused to close it. But I tried my best to explain that we can't have an umbrella open inside, and we had to close it. He was satisfied (somewhat) with that as long as he got to carry it. Sigh... I tried to warn him "Mommy is going to go potty, but once we leave the bathroom, Mommy has to carry the umbrella. You can't take it with you to your room". NO MOMMY (oh yes, he is stringing 2 words together now. But it feels like some days those two words are No Mommy over and over and over).

I distracted him and discretely ditched the umbrella behind a door at the school. Yes, I just said that I hid my umbrella behind a door at the school to try to keep my kid from having a meltdown. By the time we got to his room, he'd pretty much forgot about the umbrella (whew). And things were going well, until one of the teachers left to take a child to his room. The other teacher opened the door and allowed the kids to start going in as long as a parent stayed. And this is where the issue began, Lil Man refused to go in. WHAT?!? From the 2nd day of school, he's always walked in. And lately, he has walked in before anyone else. But today he refused. Ok, I said, we'll wait on the other teacher. But then it was getting later, we were the last ones to go in and I told him to go in. He refused. I picked him up and actually had to drag him into the room. I helped him take off his jacket (which I have never done). Then I stepped quickly out of the room.

Another little girl was having a screaming fit crying, and I could tell that was upsetting him, and then I heard him cry. I walked back over and peeked in and I could see him there upset. I waited a few minutes and asked the teacher if he was ok, she shook her head yes, but I wasn't really convinced.

So I left the school upset that my child was upset. I called my Hubby who apparently was on another call and although he answered my call, he didn't say anything. I could only hear him talking in the background. So here I was, upset that my kid was upset, just needing my husband to tell this to, that our kid was upset and I was too, and all I got was him laughing on another phone call. MELTDOWN.COMING... this time mine! So what did I do? I hung up and not in a not so nice way.

He called back. It didn't go well. It resulted in my yelling that he was to meet me at the school to pick up our son at pick up time.

(dig deeper) And a lot of my frustration at this moment is a lot of frustrations rolled into one. 1st, I'm upset over the whole umbrella/pre-school drop off this morning. 2nd, I'm upset that I haven't been able to train this week for the marathon. My legs just aren't cooperating. And it's starting to make me really anxious. 3rd, My Hubby is still on furlough. And yes, we may (it isn't guaranteed) get back pay, but regardless we are going on week 2 of no pay. The uncertainty of this whole situation is very stressful, especially if you are the one who is living it.

So I sit here, not relaxing, at a coffee shop, needing to work on my freelance jobs, but my mind is all over the place. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to laugh at the absurdity of my mixed up moods. I just licked caramel off of the rim of my coffee cup from my Milky Way latte. Something about the way it was just sitting there was bothering me.

I normally don't drink coffee, but I ordered a large, a grande, a tall.. whatever terminology that you want to use. The lady questioned me and asked if I was sure. I insisted that I was with a (please lady, just give me my drink attitude). I'm 3/4 of the way finished with this drink, and my head is buzzing a little. I think I can actually feel my heartbeat outside of my body. Maybe I really shouldn't have ordered a large...