Don't tell Wizard about this song
Don't you tell him I think what he done was wrong
And that he drinks like a fish
And that's why he fell down
And that I wish to God they would have let him drown

I threw a party last summer
On Lake Pontchartrain
The word was heard, everybody came
I must have been out of my mind to let Wizard in
But that's one mistake I'll never make again

He came there drunk
And he stayed that way
And when he went for a little walk along the quay
The fool tripped a foot, into the water he fell
Hit his head, sunk like lead, done for dead
Oh well

But noooo...some fool went and did the 9-1-1
And now for all the crime that I had done
Was to have a good time, just me and my friends
Wizard went a sued me for negligence

Now what's two hundred....THOUSAND dollars or three?
The judge was corrupt
I'm in bankruptcy
This year I'm having a party but you're gonna have to bring your own
And for God's sake, don't let Wizard know!

Don't tell Wizard about this song
Don't you tell him I think what he done was wrong
And that he drinks like a fish
And his mama too
And his daddy was a bastard that he never knew
And his sister is a mister
And his brother is a freak
And his grandpa joneses
And his grandma tweaks
And his auntie sells fannie
And his uncle is a pimp
I'll do the dozens on his cousins
Til they all go limp

Wizard is a gizzard
His chitlin' ain't chit
And the whole town thinks he's a chickenshit
He ought to think a little more
He ought to drink a little less
Why?
Because money can't buy you friends or happiness