Do you remember your first kiss?

Friday, 5 April 2013

Well, I am flabbergasted!As you probably know I’m an avid collector of lists, and the lists that
I collect more than any other are lists of the top 100 albums of all time.The first list I ever acquired covering this,
was in theNME dated February 1974, and
ever since then I’ve had a fascination with lists covering this subject. I have about 25 different lists of top 100
albums, from such diverse origins as NME, Melody Maker, Q Magazine, Radio 1,
Channel 4 and latterly Radio 2.On top
of this I have a number of published books which list the top 1000 albums of
all time. I definitely regard myself as something of an expert when it comes to
these type of lists.There are certain
things that always manifest themselves in these lists. Firstly the following artists are always in
the top 20.Bob Dylan, Pink Floyd, Led
Zeppelin, David Bowie, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones (plus generally The
Beach Boys “Pet Sounds”).Sometimes the
Stone Roses and Oasis would also occupy one of the top 20 positions.“Rumours” would always be in the top 20. The Sex Pistols would generally have a place in the top 20. This is true of all the lists.Occasionally there are aberrations, which are
only to be expected in lists of this type, as younger voters tend to be
influenced by so-so albums that were released only a year or two before the
list was published.So, for example, in
Q’s top 100 album list issued in January 2003, as well as all the usual
suspects in the top 20, we have, bizarrely Radiohead’s “OK Computer” in at
number 2. A strange choice but there
only because it had been released only 5 years earlier and was still popular with
the youngsters.Of course by the time
the next list was published (Channel 4,
2006) it was nowhere to be seen.There
were many things that remained a constant throughout all of these lists.
Firstly they were always “rock oriented” that is to say that rock albums
dominated the top 100.There would be the
occasional soul albums (Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Al Green) and the occasional
reggae album (Bob Marley) and a sprinkling of pop (Madonna, Pet Shop Boys, Michael Jackson) but generally the list would
be composed of rock albums.Secondly “the
Greats” would always dominate the prime positions ( currently in front of me I
have Colin Larkin’s list, published in 2000, in which, of the top ten albums, five
slots were occupied by the Beatles.)

So, I know my top 100. I know what to expect in the top
100.I know what not to expect in the top
100.But this brings me to Easter
Monday, when Radio 2 played a new Top 100, as voted by 100,000 R2 listeners voting
online in February 2013. This list
contained a few rules – unusual for a top 100 list. One rule was that no artist
could be featured more than once – a strange rule, as this meant that, say if
10,000 people had voted for “Dark Side of The Moon” and 9,000 people voted for “The
Wall” that the 9,000 votes would be totally discounted, which seemed rather
harsh to me. It also meant that no group or artist could dominateany section of the top 100. Another rule was that no compilation or soundtrack
or “best of” album would qualify for a position.Fair enough.

Well I started listening at around 7.30am.Tracks from the top 100 were being played in descending
orderevery 15 minutes. And it was obvious by around 9.30am that this
wasgoing to be like no other list.At around 11.30 am they played “China Girl”
from David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” album.This meant that David Bowie was at number 61!Impossible! Firstly, everyone knows that David’s two
greatest albums are “Hunky Dory” and “Ziggy Stardust” so how could “Let’s Dance”
possibly make it to the chart? Secondly what the hell was the most significant
pop star of the 20th century doing at number 61!Strange, weird things continued to be
revealed during the afternoon, and it was with a quiet sense of foreboding that
I downloaded the full list from the Radio 2 webpage on Tuesday morning.Holy Shit!What kind of a top 100 was this!

Coldplay’s “A Rush of Blood To The Head” was at number
one!Never before seen in any top 10!
Ever!

Keane (who the fuck are Keane?) were at number two with “Hopes
& Fears”! Never heard of it!

Duran Duran were at number 3 with “Rio”! Well I have Rio and
it’s not a bad album, but never before had I ever seen it feature in any top 10.

Pink Floyd’s Dark Side was at no 4 (thank god!) but then
Dido’s “No Angel” was at no 5!

The Stones were at 6 and the Beatles were at 8, but
nevertheless this was the weirdest top 100 chart I had ever seen in my whole life!Shania Twain was in it! Yes, you heard me
right - Shania Twain!Kylie Minogue was
in it!Can you imagine that – Kylie Minogue
in a top 100 album list! Incredible! Chic were in the list. Chic! I would rather
die than listen to a Chic album.

It was then that it dawned on me.I had lost touch. I had lost touch with the music
that younger people are listening to. I’d imagined that the typical Radio 2
listener was like me – 54 and a dyed-in-the-wool rock aficionado.But looking at this list I can see that this
isn’t the case. The average R2 listener must be between 35 and 40 and listening
to piles of shit! James Blunt was in this chart!Who the hell is James Blunt?Sade was in this chart!Who?

So that’s it. Collecting of top 100 album lists is over for
me. When I don’t know, or don’t even want to know half of the artists who are
featured in the list, then it’s not really a list for me.My eyes have been opened. I have become “old”.Shit!