Kintsukuroi: The Story of My Broken Life

My life has been interesting + 2016 is just another year upon which to reflect. This is our anniversary week + we’re celebrating 5 years on Saturday. We’ve known each other for almost a decade + I can honestly say that, save a handful of small pebbles in the road, this has been an amazingly easy marriage.

My life wasn’t always easy because of some bad decisions on my part, but as I’ve grown + learnt, it’s been a journey to find the ability to seek joy.

What is kintsukuroi?

I have this tattoo on my left wrist of the kintsukuroi. I found this word, read about the concept + realized that it really summed up the perspective of my life.

{Kintsugi also known as} Kintsukuroi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.

As a philosophy, kintsugi can be seen to have similarities to the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, an embracing of the flawed or imperfect. Japanese aesthetics values marks of wear by the use of an object. This can be seen as a rationale for keeping an object around even after it has broken and as a justification of kintsugi itself, highlighting the cracks and repairs as simply an event in the life of an object rather than allowing its service to end at the time of its damage or breakage.

Aside from having a general tattoo addiction, I needed this tattoo as a symbol of who I’ve become…in Christ. I was broken. Through His salvation + grace, I was put back together. As a member of His royal priesthood, I am more valuable that I was without Him. I made so many mistakes + received so much hurt in my life. But I’m living proof that it gets better. In Him.

What was it like to be you in 2016? What was your life like?

2016 wasn’t a bad year. If it was, I certainly don’t know because I’ve learned to find the joy in things + to live a life of contentment no matter what may come my way. It’s not always easy, but I’ve worked hard at it.

This year:

I started this ministry. I believe so strongly that having a happy, healthy marriage starts long before you say your vows that I had to get this out into the world. I’m excited about where I am + where this will go in building up the Kingdom.

My husband quit his corporate job. We had been a single-income household for a year. When I left my job, our income was cut in half. When he left corporate America, we lost another $13K. My life was on the path of a faith walk greater than any I’d known before.

I spoke at a Wives group meeting, sharing my story of Marriage Advocates + encouraging women to stand up for each other and our marriages. I was terrified to stand up + speak to these women, but I knew that I had to overcome my fear + share this message.

I traveled to California…by myself…to spend a week with strangers I’d never met in real life. It took courage…lots of people tried to discourage me + instill fear…but it turned out to be the most amazing + exciting adventure. A friendship grew stronger than I thought possible + I was able to explore my own bravery.

We experienced more blows to our dream of becoming parents. Our foster care process was changed to the point where we were no longer able to be foster parents as we’d agreed to with the system. We had another road block in our natural fertility abilities. Our friends who didn’t want to have kids adopted a child and became biological parents. Another friend terminated a pregnancy, despite my desperation to adopt from her + it broke me.

I opened my life up to Libyan refugees. They came to the country to escape religious persecution + I was assigned to be one of the people to orient them to my home city. I got to see what it was like through the eyes of people who live as Christians in a country . I started learning Arabic.

I’ve lost almost 25 pounds. It’s the first time in 2 years that I’ve worn a size L shirt, after eating my way into everything XXL/18. I’ve still got a ways to go, but it’s the first time in a long time when I have felt comfortable in my skin.

I taught a women’s class on tact. I’m still working on developing mine…

Most importantly, I’ve learned how to give + receive grace.

I’m sure some other things have happened this year, but I’m learning to move forward. I share the highlights here; I hope that you take a moment to read about my brokenness throughout the blog. It is through my brokenness + trials that I am able to share this ministry. It is in kintsukuroi that I am able to live the life that I’ve been given.

I’d love to hear the highlights {and lowlights} of your year…feel free to share them in the comments below!

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Wow I really needed to hear this. I lost my job as a government contract employee. We are currently on one income. Our phone has been turned off, our transportation broke down and I had to walk our daughter to school and back, we didn’t have enough food to eat. My husband is in individual counseling to be a better man + husband and father. I have been struggling with being unemployed and what it truly means to submit. That has been our low this year. My high this year is our daughter who is a 9th grader got selected to take the Pre-SAT, she is in the law academy at school and she is taking advance classes. One of her classes if she passes the exam in May she will have her first college credit as a freshman. She came into her freshman year with 2 high school credits already. My oldest son is finishing up community college and he bought his first brand new car. My middle school will graduate high school in May and will attend a technical college to become a mechanic. I can say overall this year has been better than my past years. I’m still learning and growing.

The one thing I’ve learned {+ am still reinforcing} is that fear and faith can’t exist in the same space. Just as you can’t serve 2 masters, you have to choose the path you will walk. I’m proud that you’re growing and learning and that your husband is taken the necessary steps to be the man he needs to be. Hang in there + always look for the blessings in your situation. Your kids are amazing <3

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About Me

I am a member of the Happy Wives Club + love everything about marriage, especially how it is representative of our relationship with Christ. I love being a Titus 2 woman, finding my purpose in helping other women to prepare themselves for their own strong, Christian marriage. Join me as we prepare for the realities of being a Christian wife, with all of your flaws, while finding the strength + support you’ll need to make this work. {Read more…}

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