…a boomer muses about life, change, joys, sorrows and freedom from the prison of corporate life.

Some Lessons Learned

It often happens that when I have things on my mind, (like my recent vision problem,) I find myself wide awake in the middle of the night thinking…just thinking.

I’m at an age now when I no longer believe in a lot of my younger idealistic notions. Life can be a cruel mistress and every hard lesson leaves a scar. Unfortunately I’m sometimes so naive and trusting that I have to be slapped down several times before I really “get” the lesson. And I’m really building up a lot of scar tissue.

For example, when a friend says to me, “I’ll always be here for you. You’re the sister I always wished for,” that doesn’t really mean she’ll really always be there for me. I’ve learned that, as wonderful as that sounds and feels and as much as I’d love to believe it, that same person can, without any warning, disappear from my life without a qualm. It hurts a lot, but it is a lesson learned…the hard way.

I also learned that when my baby sister said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back,” that didn’t mean she truly did. It meant that she had my back until her other sisters applied pressure, and then she threw me to the dogs. It was so easy for her to “forget” everything we had meant to each other, all the memories we shared. I didn’t think that was possible. I really didn’t! Lesson learned…again.

And then there were my “happy ever after” dreams, the ones in which I’d be surrounded by loved ones in my later years. They, too, got sidetracked, leaving me with no lover, no children, no family. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, but you can’t always control fate.

But that lesson cuts both ways. You can’t foretell the future. Thus, a man who used to be my boss at work retired and, over many, many years has become one of my best, most trusted friends. Another person I worked with but never knew that well, retired about the same time I did and ended up being the kind of cherished friend who has stood by me time and time again when I needed her the most. Another friend I had hurt in the past, forgave me immediately when I sought her out and came back into my life, bringing me much joy and laughter. And A feisty woman I moved next door to somehow magically morphed from being a neighbor into a dear friend.

So…lessons learned. And not all of them bad. But I guess the most important one is: You never really know what will happen next. I guess that’s what makes life an adventure.

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13 Responses

I believe that God sends us angels when we need them. We don’t know who they are or even that they are angels, but when you need them, they are there. The ones you counted on for so long abandoned you, the ones you need came through. Like you said, life can’t be explained or predicted, but onething for sure….it goes on! All of us bloggers are here for you and care, remember that!

Great post — and so very true! Glad that you are finding the upside of “lessons learned.” No relationship is without risk. It’s amazing how we manage to keep puttin’ ourselves out there. But you have to do it … or else you become completely bitter, totally isolated and very, very alone.

And you just can’t take things for granted. I am finding myself more and more amazed lately at the things I am seeing by just LOOKING for a change instead of briskly passing by without a glance.

Continuing to follow you on your vision issues. Hope that it is NOT anything serious and that you’ll soon be seeing normally again! Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

So true. I’ve got an older brother who completely cut off ties with me and told my dad at the time that I was no longer a member of the family as far as he was concerned. This was 18 years ago and he’s kept true to his word. That includes his wife and my two nieces and their families, too. All because I was doing the end-care for a beloved aunt of my Dear Hubby’s who was like a mom to me, even more than my own was, and I missed going to his younger daughter’s wedding reception because this aunt was on her death bed. Oh well. They may be family but you can’t make them love you, for sure.

As to friends, my neighbor and I were talking over the fence as we were gardening one day and we were talking about friends. She made the comment that I must have dozens of them. I kind of laughed and said, “No, actually I have very few.” A bazillion acquaintances, yes…but actual TRUE friends…no. I don’t open myself up that easily. But the small circle of my dearest friends have been friends most of my life. And I treasure each and every one of them. I don’t require close and/or constant contact with them, either. I’m really quite solitary.