As you’re probably already aware, Miami has received annoying, bloodsucking assholes from Brazil. And more recently, they’ve sent over mosquitoes as well. Zika fever has been an ongoing problem in Asia, Africa, and South/Caribbean America, but has recently become a real problem now that white…

For the most part, I don’t disagree with Hitler’s actions. What I disagree on was his choice of victims. Jews are awesome, gays are fabulous, and the handicapped don’t really need any more shit piled on them. If the Third Reich decided to gas and…

When looking for quality television, scoping out the reality genre is like asking 2 Chainz to double check the grammar in your research paper. You should already know that reality TV is stupid as fuck just by the name. Why? Well, pick one of two…

I wanted to start this off like one of those Reader’s Digest columns where an email to an editor is written out, followed by a thoughtful response, but these days I don’t get those kinds of emails. The only emails I get are the ones…

As Sam stood over his late father’s home-office desk, his father’s last words echoed through his mind. “My laptop… protected folder… ‘To Sam’… password… ‘145t14uGH’.” While Sam booted up his father’s computer, he recalled all the good times he and his father had. All the…

“Mommy,” Quentin said, “Where do babies come from?” “Shit,” Kate said, muttering to herself. She looked around her immediate area for her husband. “We should ask daddy!” “OK!” Quentin held his mother’s hand and dragged her along, from room to room, looking for his father.…

Today is the day. You can now buy my book, and if you have Amazon Prime you can borrow it on your Kindle for free. It’s also DRM-free, so if you decide to share it I won’t get mad at you for dipping into my…

As everyone knows, Obama half-stepped into this piece once more last night by becoming the first black president to be re-elected in the US. That’s kind of a bullshitty statistic, like how baseball keeps track of shit like, “the only player to hit a home…

Primary schooling teaches people many useful things, like how to take standardized tests and how gross the female reproductive cycle is. It’s arguably the best place for young humans to learn about social interaction first hand. However, when it came to the actual learning of…

Hipster rappers are so underground they’re out-hipstering hipsters. The album covers alone are enough to show you these guys mean serious business. Sorry, I mean bidness. Most of these guys have a story similar to DJay, the highly creatively-named protagonist in the movie Hustle &…