Single ‘N’ Looking takes it up a level

Last year I wrote about Jennifer Blue (see below for story), a Clifton Park woman who put a decal in her back window declaring her single and, well, looking. She provided an e-mail address, & nothing else. Yesterday I got a message that she added a Web site to the sign, and now gets a lot more responses.

Checking out someone’s Web page is a lot easier than crafting an e-mail, and gives men an idea of whether or not she is someone they would want to contact.

Jen Blue tried, and was disappointed in, Internet dating, blind dates, dating services and chance meetings. So in March the 36-year-old took the high road. Or, more precisely, the highway.

She pasted a decal declaring her singleship to the back window of her Ford Explorer. “Single-N-Looking,” it reads. Then an e-mail address: SNLjen@yahoo.com.

Blue’s car tactic is unique, but not her only vehicle for finding a partner.

Toby Keith croons from Blue’s computer speakers as she gets ready for her date. A message from one of her Union College students pops onscreen. She replies, then goes back to getting dressed for an evening of river fishing. She’s comfortable, wearing little makeup, yoga pants, a pink long-sleeve shirt under a “Rich Morn’s Scuba Centers” T-shirt.

“This is how casual I am. Like me as I am. I do not try to impress,” says Blue. “Once I am in a relationship, I like to dress up and/or (look) sexy.”

Tonight’s trip is date No. 2 (date No. 1 was orchestrated by a college friend). She hasn’t had a lot of second dates. Fewer than a half dozen. After being married for 11 years to the man she met her freshman year at Texas A&M, Blue finds dating as foreign as a life without motorcycles, fishing and cowboy boots.

“I never thought it would be hard to find people that I would want as friends or boyfriends, but since my divorce, making new friends and dating has been a ton harder than I thought it would,” says Blue.

Lots of women, like Blue, are in their 30s and looking. Not every woman without a partner is searching, of course, but most are, says Rachel Greenwald, who wrote “Find A Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School.” Match.com, one of the nation’s largest online dating sites, has more than 3.7 million female members older than 35.

“It’s a very, very hard road for singles over 35,” says Greenwald. “Very few people in their 30s and beyond go to the same kinds of social gatherings they did in their 20s.”

Blue is in the throes of dating for the first time, really, since she and her ex were friends first. Now, curiosity mixes with uncertainty. Joy and fear compete.

“I do not want to hold expectations of what I want from the date. That can so often lead to disappointment,” says Blue, who has her doctorate in mathematics and works as a professor at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy. Her job includes teaching the Navy Nuclear Instructors at the Navy Nuclear Power Training School in Malta, and she works part-time at Union College. “Plus, I am not necessarily looking for the perfect match, just `Mr. Great for Right Now.’

He has proven hard to find. In part, she admits, because she expects a lot from people.

In the four years since her divorce, Blue has dated little. From Match.com to BikerKiss.com, she’s tried Internet dating. Nothing and no one amazing came from that. Same thing with a local dating service. Which led her to the decal on her car.

Mall guys, unlike Home Depot guys, probably aren’t for her, she thought, but why not? Had this been reply No. 10 or something, she may have ignored it. She shot back:

“Maybe? I am a friendly outgoing southerner, tall, intelligent, successful, and apparently intimidating to many. I have tried match.com (see my profile jensky for pictures if you want) and several other sites since my divorce four years ago from an eleven year marriage with not much luck. My friends find my truck sign amusing and are not surprised by it … it is all jen!”

To her, the car sign was common sense. It lets the man take control, make the first move. More than a half-dozen e-mails and one date have come of it. That one date didn’t turn into a second.

“Men have been socialized to believe they have to be the powerful one,” says Marc H. Rudov, author of “The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women.” “That is why some men look for women who are below them economically, professionally and educationally.”

The e-mailer replied: “Don’t do match.com or anything like that, chat rooms etc. But am interested in `tall,’ not sure about intimidating … XXX”

The e-mail chatter fizzled out. Another one down.

She has tried the aggressor role many times. It always turned out the same. She recalls dropping her motorcycle under a bus last fall. She was OK, so was the bike. The cop who responded was better than OK attractive and friendly, even. She slipped him her “dating” card. That is the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute business card with her cell number scrawled on the back in her bubbly penmanship. He upped his professional tone, told her to be well and was off.

She never heard from him.

That’s how it goes for Blue. Men seem interested, at first, then they’re turned off.

Take Mark (names have been changed). He was Italian, nice dark hair and skin, and drove a truck and had his own bike. They hung out every day for three weeks. Then, with no warning, he e-mailed her. Suggested they remain friends, but gave no explanation as to what happened.

Could it have been her booming voice? Her weight? Her looks? (The only things she thinks she’d like to change.)

“So few people are ever attracted to me. I’m not that attractive,” says Blue, rather matter-of-factly. Blue doesn’t do pity. Nor does she play the woe-is-me card. This is a statement many would dispute when looking at her red hair, strong posture and blue eyes as clear as the Carribbean waters she dives in. “Well, I am (attractive) to 50-year-old men.”

Older doesn’t usually work for Blue. She doesn’t look or act her age, she says. So she wants someone who can keep up with her. Someone to meet or beat her energy level.

“I want a playmate and someone to be the most important person in my life, and me in theirs barring my kids,” says Blue. “There is no one right person, just the one that fits right now and hopefully forever more.”

She’s not ready to live with someone or get married. She’s happy with the way things are. She has her two children, a relationship with her ex-husband and his wife so cordial she hangs out at their house with the kids while the couple is out.

She’s “ridiculously smart,” has great jobs, is financially secure, lives a life filled with more activity than a frat house could keep up with and has friends around the world.

“The only thing I am missing is a boyfriend for companionship, friendship, sex. I do not want to be having casual sex with people,” says Blue. “But we can’t have it all. So I can want more, but I try to be satisfied with what I have.”

But that could all change. If she met the right person.

Just before 11 p.m. and Blue is back home, sitting at her computer. The date went well a great meal, good conversation, good conditions. She even caught a 22-inch fish. A third date will happen, although the man hasn’t fully hooked her.