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20 October 2010

Future's made of virtual insanity, now always seem to be governed by the Notes From The News

Hey internetters -- it's been a long, long, trying god damn day, and I'm in a particularly bitchy mood, as you may be able to tell from the following:

Zach Galifianakinakinakinakinakinakinakalakalakalakalis is pissed off about some movie he's filming that might or might not be The Hangover 2. It's hard to tell because ol' Zach is being very passive aggressive about the whole thing and dropping hints about being in "deep protest" about "something," but never saying exactly what. Which is the mark of a narcissistic douchebag with an agenda if I've ever seen one. Maybe if Zach would stop playing junior high school whispering games and man the fuck up, he could stop making godawful-looking shite like Due Date. (And yes, I realize I mentioned him in a positive light last week. That does not preclude me being ill-disposed toward his assholery this week.)

Conan O'Brien has done away with the Max Weinberg 7 in the wake of Max Weinberg's departure (gee, imagine that!), aside from keeping a few of the band members such as LaBamba. In its place will be -- and here we would have a drumroll but Max Weinberg is no longer around to provide one -- Jimmy Vivino and the Basic Cable Band. Woo, ROCK AND ROLL BABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEE! *holds up lighter*

What is this I don't even, dept.: The remake of The Crow that's being directed by Blade's Stephen Norrington and written by rocker Nick Cave (yeah, for real) has found a lead actor. The part has been offered to none other than . . . Mark Wahlberg. Which I could totally see him doing becauWHHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! *head goes asplodey*

Adrien Brody is suing the producers of Giallo, a Dario Argento movie he acted in (and which is terrible according to the buzz surrounding it), because he was never paid his salary. What seems to have happened is that Brody's pay or play contract called for him to be paid $640,000, only to find out that the film was under-funded. he tried to walk, but the producers suckered him back in by promising they would get additonal funding, and talked him into deferring his salary in exchange for the right to withhold consent to any use of his likeness in connection with the film, up to and including its distribution. Well, guess who was lied to and whose mug is all over the copies of DVDs about to be sold on Amazon? Yeah. Brody is suing for his original salary, another two million for various breaches of contract, and to get the back the merchandising rights to his monstrous eyebrows.

Hugh Jackman said in a recent interview with Vulture that the potential Darren Aronofsky-directed Wolverine sequel will be "out of the box" and will give you "something to think about." Hopefully unlike the first one, it will make you think about something other than demanding your money back.

Peter Jackson is preparing to take The Hobbit out of New Zealand because he's a gigantic jerkface who doesn't like the collective bargaining process or paying people what they're worth. Next up: Peter Jackson runs for Congress (OOHHHHHH HE'S GETTING POLITICAL, HORTENSE, HOLD ON TO YOUR KNICKERS!)

Today in who gives a fuck:

Gwyneth Paltrow will sing at the CMA Awards show this year, because nothing says country music like an overpampered, overrated actress who was born with a silver spoon in her twat.

Angelina Jolie may have done a Charlie Rose interview coked out of her mind, which is fine because that's the only way most people can stay awake through Charlie Rose anyway.

A deleted scene from Avatar was released on the web that puts the entire fillm in a new context and makes it a truly revelatory experience -- in that it makes you understand exactly how shitty, unsubtle and derivative James Cameron's writing is. Now you know why I cry.

A weathered and dazed-looking Luke Perry was at DragonCon and posed for photographswith fans. The link in the preceding sentence is the best of the lot. I will just say that Luke is probably a very, very good sport. And that you can see every scintilla of "How the fuck did I end up here?" in his eyes.

Johnny Depp is interested in remaking the Thin Man movies with Pirates of the Caribbean cohort Rob Marshall directing. This would be a bit like Thomas Kincaid repainting a Tolouse-Lautrec poster.