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Cute Sticker Conspiracy? – Faith’s Strange Musings

It was first published in her journal. And it’s about cute eggs and potato stickers – that have unfortunately fallen under the scrutiny of her pencil.

You may be wondering, “What is this going to be about?” This is an excerpt from my journal, an entry that I had written last January before book blogging had taken over my life. And it’s – strangely interesting. (Sarah says that it’s because I needed an outlet. So I’ve taken that I am now a step up because instead of ranting to myself, I am ranting to actual people. Poor, innocent people who have to withstand these… somewhat tortures.) So, I have decided to share it with you (though I’m unsure whether this is the proper decision or not) by typing it up for the internet to see.

May I present to you, my unfiltered brain barf about cute stickers. Have fun!

CAUTION: If you dislike spontaneously strange and casual rambles with an excessive use of caps lock, exclamation points and weird thoughts, I would advise you to stay away from this post. It’s not for the faint of heart. This is, however, for entertainment purposes. 😉

It’s NOT Just a Sticker

Here are the cute stickers. As you may notice, the middle egg in the carton, is slightly cracked open but it’s smiling…

What I don’t get are these stickers. If there’s a face on those shells of the uncracked eggs AND there’s also a face on the yolk of the cracked egg, WHY are there 2 faces?! It’s like, “Oh hey, there’s another face inside of me.” #EggFaceception. If that’s not disturbing enough, can we please note the fact that the cracked egg is SMILING with red cheeks?!! HOW EVEN?! So you’re probably telling me either, “Oh, well they’re happy ’cause they’re going to egg heaven!!!” Or “DUDE they’re just STICKERS!!!” But can you tell me that THIS:

Enter cute potato. AKA victim #2.

… is JUST a sticker??

It’s a POTATO with bubble gum and fish lips and a sprout on its head. This ain’t no Mr. Potato Head, kay? On first thought, you’re like, “Aww this is cute.” And thennn you just start wondering how and where on Earth did this potato get its hands on gum?! I guess we won’t know because we’ll never catch it red-handed – or anything handed at all. So now you’re thinking, “Well, maybe someone with hands gave it to the potato.” This brings us to our next question: HOW IS THE POTATO CHEWING IT?!!! Of course, this is assuming that the potato is alive. If it’s just an inanimate object chewing an inanimate object, this complete scene is worse than I thought.

Let’s assume it has teeth. How does it grow teeth? With its growing powers as a potato to continue growing its sprout. How does it grow its sprout without roots? Good question. We can infer from the handless potato chewing gum that the gum was probably gifted by a handed creature which probably provides nutrients to the potato without roots so that it can grow and get all that it needs. So now that we know how it grows teeth, we also can believe that it’s also how it grows a tongue to blow a bubble. Like I said, it isn’t Mr. Potato Head, the famed toy actor of all the Toy Stories and the one kids played with in the past. So no. This isn’t JUST a sticker.

It’s a cute mechanism simple enough to fool the eye but not the brain… it provides false ideas to young children on how the world works, on things like science and art. Potatoes can’t chew (or that’d be #creepy) and no you just don’t draw fish lips on a potato. Think about all the vegetarians! And you’re like, “But it’s art!” Exactly. Art that manipulates the human mind. In the end after all this analysis, we know that it’s NEVER just a sticker… just think about it.

So I hope you’ll remember all these things the next time you fry an egg; it’s really important. #LifeLessons. If you start thinking about it, you’re definitely on your way to becoming a better human that productively contributes to society.

Yes, this was all really in my journal. Are you terrified or “weirded” out now? (S:YES) If not, you should be.(S: I ASSURE YOU, I AM) I assure you that I am not insane and I don’t have some sort of hyperactive streak – this is just me being particularly strange! If it helps, just imagine that this is me being in character. A strange, out of this world character.

S: I mean, after reading this, I wasn’t surprised. It’s like fetus Faith (although, she tells me that she wrote this not too long ago.) I mean, a rant about stickers? Makes sense: we just had a war about pancakes and waffles. Potato and egg stickers? Faith will make it a thing. I think she was stoned while writing this if it wasn’t for her grammar… and that fact that neither of us have ever taken drugs XD

I hope you were as partially amused as I was (though you may feel slightly worried) by this word vomit of a journal musing that I had found! On this note, cheers and have a strangely wonderful week! 😉

WHAT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?? Thank you very super much! We’re absolutely honoured! 🙂
And here I thought my posts made no sense to anybody at all hehe. But I doubt your entries can be that dull considering the fact that mine are just very strange! I do have the occasional “THE WORLD IS SO ANNOYING” and “Today we went to the supermarket to buy fish. Then we went home and went to bed.” type of posts so they’re not all as insane as this one. 😛

OMG I DID NOT KNOW THAT I NEEDED THIS. I saw the title and thought this was going to be some kind of love and unmasked obsession to the stickers BUT THEN I READ IT AND I’M SO CONFUSED BECAUSE WHY? Now I feel scared and confused BECAUSE WHAT IS EGGS AND WHAT IS A POTATO? Now, I don’t know whether to feel particularly freaked out that these kind of thoughts enter your head when you simply look at stickers or to feel grateful that I am able to read these posts AND UNDERSTAND THE HORRIFYING SIDE OF STICKERS.

I KNOW. The world is a very confusing place. My BRAIN is a very confusing place. So yes, YOU DID NEED THIS. Hahahaha thanks by the way. * hair flips *

It’s a scary world when it comes to supposedly cute stickers. THEY ARE NEVER JUST STICKERS DON’T TRUST THEM. I think this is becoming a horror movie. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn. I’VE JUST GOT A NEW THEORY: One of those egg stickers is Sarah because she turned into an omelette in her dream. EXCEPT it was never a dream.

I’ve been thinking about it and this question remains in my head: HOW DO THEY STICK SO LONG? I mean what is it that makes them stick? Its not like someone smothered honey all over it or something. How do you make something sticky? Or maybe it isn’t ‘made sticky,’ maybe its just the minds of the sticker hanging onto you so that it can stay forever near you and just watch your every move. I mean, IT SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING AND IT KNOWS WHEN YOU ARE AWAKE. Perhaps it is Santa’s pals? OR SOME SANTA IMPOSTER. (I know there is perhaps some logical explanation BUT STILL.)

OH DAMNNNN with that omelette dream. So… Are all stickers just depictions of our dreams? Are all those weird faced animal stickers some little kid’s dream? ARE ALL OF OUR NIGHTMARES GOING TO COME TRUE IN THE FORM OF STICKERS AND WATCH US? You are right, I think this is a horror movie. Scrap the zombie apocalypse guys, its the sticker apocalypses and its just as serious, twice as deadly.

WOW THAT IS ONE GOOD QUESTION. I knew it!!! I knew stickers were Santa’s minions. And when you get that sticker residue… you KNOW it’s Santa’s super stick magic. THIS IS GETTING CREEPIER AND CREEPIER BY THE SECOND. How do they stick? WHY do they stick? We need to publish a research paper about this.

OHHH YOU ARE ON TO SOMETHING. Yes. We also need a romance hit. Summary: girl falls in love with guy who can secretly transform into a sentient egg sticker while he is an undercover Santa Spy. Meanwhile, there is a sticker apocalypse and the girl is trying to run away with the guy. The guy sticks his sticker residue onto her and she becomes a sticker as well. Everyone turns into stickers and the Earth becomes a sticker ball. The end. Hm, I guess that wasn’t just a summary then.

EVERY SINGLE TIME WE GET STICKERS WE ARE OFFERING SANTA’S ELF SPIES INTO OUR HOMES. Gee, what if its like one of those horror movies and when we put a video camera on one of them, we see that they’re holding knifes and rituals late at night AND THEY ARE SUCKING OUR SOULS AS WE SLEEP. Our research paper could SAVE THE WORLD.

I think that was the most beautiful, most heartbreaking story I have ever read. I mean, what if the next sticker we get is this guy? I always imagine that STORIES ARE TRUE so one day, I will meet a guy who is as attractive in real life as he is an egg sticker and he will turn me into a sticker. GUYS, THIS IS THE FUTURE. Get your guns ready, it may be too late, BUT WE CAN CHANGE OUR DESTINY. What if the world becomes a sticker ball and wants to stick to something so it accidentally sticks the aliens? NOT COOL THE POOR ALIENS. LET US MARCH ON.