Spoof news stories from Saturday 9 February 2013

It has been claimed that Goofy is the most complained about character at the Disney theme park. One Mother said, "He is just creepy. My little butter-ball wanted to have his picture taken with Goofy and he turned away and farted in my face.
Out-...

Those who claim to have had a near-death experience almost always describe it similarly: the feeling of floating in a tunnel toward a very bright light. But according to retired electrician Clovis Deekins, who has had two such experiences five year...

The Boston Bruins have canceled a game because of the overnight blizzard in Boston. The Bruins estimated that two-thirds of the seats at the arena would be empty because the rapid transit was not running.
Fans are irate. They would be there becau...

In November, two states, Colorado and Washington, legalized recreational pot use. What impact have the new laws had upon those states? To get answers, reporter Kanye Blankenbaker spoke with Dune Halverson from the Colorado State Attorney General's office.
Blankenbaker: Dune, how has the passage of the law affected the state, if at all?
Halverson: Man, where's my shoe? I lost my shoe,...

Terrible summer blockbuster 'The End' is due to hit cinema's this week and critics are already panning the film with respected popcorn cruncher Roger Ebert describing it as 'just three hours of credits', albeit the most thrill inducing, stomach churning, tear jerking, laugh out loud three hours of credits ever. German director Uwe Schmitz retorted that 'yes it is three hours of rolling credits, bu...

Kevin Garnett can help any number of teams win a championship, but in Boston he is treated like Danny Ainge's used T-paper.
Just because you score 25,000 points doesn't mean you will have any more respect among the Boston social media.
Late in...

SANTA MONICA - Two of the most popular young singers in America were spotted walking hand-in-hand on the famed Santa Monica Pier.
Justin Bieber, who recently got dumped by long time girlfriend Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift who has had more boyfrie...

Fifty six year-old American space chimp Bobo says that the simian astronaut that was allegedly sent into orbit by Iran is not the hairiest of all time. "That record doesn't even go to me," he said, "but to a guy called Shepherd B. Armstrong."
It...

Despite a frozen food producer being caught up in a scandal over horsemeat found in beef products in the United Kingdom, Sweden and France many Brits are confessing that they actually enjoyed the taste of horse, with many even admitting that they cou...

A horse has been found with 60% beef in it. Which technically makes it a cow but the animal is very confused.
It has raised concern over how many other horses are infact cows and therefore potentially contaminating our favourite foods.
Consume...

Tesco, Findus, Aldi and other food suppliers named in the recent horsemeat revelations, today formed a consortium to try to re-establish confidence in their beef products, and to put the meat-contamination scandal behind them.
'We do not wish to b...

New York - "You wake up in the middle of the night with a hunch the royal four poster's crawling with parasites," is how the Mayor of New York described his stay at Birkhall, Scotland
"Still, kinda reassuring to know the real bloodsuckers are fa...

The Food Standard Agency have revealed that traces of jockey DNA have been found in Supermarket Value Horse Burgers, to the shock of meat industry experts and consumers alike. Food tester Fatima Eton found the DNA, and claimed that it could not easil...

Yogi Berra was right. "It ain't over till it's over." And for Richard III? It definitely ain't over, not by a long shot.
Not only are officials in Leicester and York fighting to rebury his remains, but other folks -- all of them dead -- want...

WATERLOO, Iowa - Dolly Parton, 66, showed that she can still sing with the best of them as she performed to a standing room only crowd at The Crop Rotation Convention Center in Waterloo.
Parton performed all of her hits including "Jolene," "I Will...

NEW YORK CITY - The mayor of the Big Apple, Michael Bloomberg has just informed the news media that he has been in contact with several mayors of East Coast cities regarding the horrific blizzards.
He spoke with the mayors of Philadelphia, Baltimo...

CHARLOTTE - Word from the NBA rumor mill is that Boston Celtic Kevin Garnett will not be traded after all. But the 6-foot-11-inch tall center will however be leaving Boston.
According to Tango Brisket with Sports Territory Magazine, who broke the...

MEMPHIS - Paula Deen was in Memphis visiting her high school home economics teacher Mrs. Orchid Burlapinski.
Mrs. Burlapinski, who turned 91, on January 19, which also happens to be Paula's birthday as well, was shocked to see that her former pupi...

Washington DC: A Washington DC newspaper has obtained a recording of a White house meeting between President Obama and his National Security Advisor discussing the use of armed unmanned drone aircraft against terrorists. The paper published a transcript.
President: What's the latest rationale for unmanned drone strikes?
National Security Advisor: Drone strikes are to be used only against ove...