Friday, February 20, 2015

h o m e is wherever i'm with you : part eight

"You don't have to say a word, to speak to me...I don’t have to hold your hand to feel you there. We don’t really have a plan, but I’m not scared. Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe that’s the thingThat's the thing about us."|| thing about us - steve moakler ||

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The next day I was in a thick cloud of "He's gonna call, he's gonna call, he's gonna CALL!" I thought he might've talked with Charles (his pastor) the night before at the bible study so I was preparing myself for him to call my dad any minute. The day passed and I was still going full steam on my high hopes. The next day had me saying, "Yesterday must've been busy for him...so today will be the day!" Another day was soon gone. By this time I was admittedly kind of nervous. What if Charles had advised him strongly against a relationship with me? Surely he would let me know that! By the fourth day I was back to weepiness, tons of anxiety, and pessimistic thoughts. I had told Rachel, since she had known about the depressing email. I felt it best, even in such early and unsure stages to at least let her know things had moved in a more positive direction....maybe. Unless he just freaked out and changed his mind! Monday morning; December 17, 2012; I was at work with Rachel at her dad's dental office as usual. My mom texted Rachel that I needed to call her right away. (Keep in mind I didn't have my own cell phone. ;) ) So, I used the private line at the front desk and called my mom, anxious to see what kind of news awaited me. I said, "Hello?" and her reply was, "Trevor's trying to chat with you!! What do I say?!" My email was open at home and it looked like I was online. She read me his chat, "I have a question...two actually...First one is, what time would be best for me to call your dad?" My entire being was screaming, "NOW NOW NOW! Call him NOW!" But I knew my dad would prefer to be home from work so I told her to tell him anytime after four would be the best. "Okay, second question...should I wear football pads?" I struggled, as Mama read me what he was saying, to contain the smile that was so big it threatened to break my face. Rachel grinned just as big from the chair beside me as I shakingly relayed to her the gist of what was going on. After I took a moment to recover from his adorableness, I told her to tell him "Daddy is tough but its just cause I'm his baby...he wouldn't be mean...just stern maybe." He replied, "Good. Well, at least I made it past Charle's 2x4." (Referring to his teasing fear that upon telling Charles he would be hit with a big stick. ;) ) My heart swooned again. I gripped the phone and whispered to my mom, "Ok, ok...too much cute. I have to get back to work." She was hilariously shook up from having to be the middle man typer and reader. ;) Rachel and I were nothing short of giddy. "He's gonna call today! He's gonna call...TODAY!"I tried to let that officially sink in with full confidence.

Around 12 or so my mom called me back. I was in the storage room of the office hanging up mandated safety posters so we were free to talk for awhile and I could keeping working. My dad had called Bro. Kevin, one of our pastors and also a best friend of my dad's, to let him know what was going on and to receive some council. Bro. Kevin advised right away that Trevor should come to Texas and meet my parents in person as soon as possible. Discussions over the phone will be good, but that has to happen to get some better ground laid. I started happy crying as Mama told me. It was all so overwhelming! I mean, sure, this was nowhere close to being a sealed deal but at that moment things started really clicking with me. This new year that was coming up I could be in my first real official relationship...ME! Crazy!!

That afternoon Rachel and I drove to my grandmother's house because Mam-maw had a special night planned for the girls in the family (plus friends ;) ) to get together and make cookies. With all the excitement built up, we had a bit of fun on the way. ;)

Rachel of course was stoked to be there with me as I waited for Daddy, who was now home alone, to call and tell us he had gotten a phone call. It was surreal...exciting...scary....nerve-wracking. Four o' clock came and went. "Well...so he isn't the type that would wait to call exactly after 4." I thought nervously to myself. I wondered how nervous he was. He was probably terrified if I was as scared as I was and I wasn't even having to do anything! As if in response to my thought process at about 5:30 he did a post on Google Plus..."Sometimes I wish I could have a pinch hitter in real life. Someone to just tell you, 'Okay buddy, go out there and get in the game!' Should've asked for one of those for Christmas last year." Rachel and I squealed and she exclaimed, "That's totally about calling your dad! He's scared!" I laughed as she then put in a comment the words of motivation he had jokingly asked to hear, "Ok, buddy! Go out there and get in the game!" He quickly deleted the post after that. "Maybe that'll help!" Rachel teased. "Or maybe it'll freak him out even more knowing we're all waiting around for him to get in the game," I worried. I wasn't much help to the cooking baking crew. I burnt all of mine that I was in charge of and I begged them all to cut me a bit of slack. "My chocolate chip cookies are usually awesome and y'all know it! I'm just not usually waiting for a potentially life changing phone call!" It got later and later. My mom got phone calls from my dad several times but never with the big news. Rachel finally had to go because it was getting late. My mom had just gotten off the phone with my dad when Rachel left. Because she didn't say anything I assumed he had still had nothing to share. I sat down in the floor and leaned back, resting my head on the wall. My eyes welled up and my Mama asked me what was wrong. "I just....I just....I really thought he was gonna...*sniff*...call tonight." The few tears stung my eyes as I desperately tried to hold them back.
"Well good," She said frankly, "'Cause he did."
"WHAT?!" My jaw dropped and my heart rate skyrocketed!

"They talked for about 2 hours. Right before 7 is when he called and they just got off the phone."
It all seemed like a dream. My dad had talked on the phone with Trevor Ruby for two hours! WHAT?! Daddy called me soon after and told me about the whole conversation. He said it went very well, Trevor was extremely respectful and was very insistent that Daddy oversee the guidelines as the father. He was surprised by how young I was...he had just found out a few weeks before he called...and yet, he still called.The joy of recounting this story now that we're (SPOILER ALERT) married is that I've been able to get some insight on what was happening on his side of things compared to my side which I kept jotted down in my journal. He told me that he had been confiding in his roomie and good friend Colin about his feelings for me. He remembers saying to Colin, "Man! I don't know...is she too young?? I mean I am 26 years old and she's....how old is Rachel Greene? They're the same age right? And Rachel is like 20. 6 years difference...is that too much?!" He said Colin just started laughing and said, "Dude...she's 3 years younger than Rachel. She's only 17!" Trevor said he immediately thought "Oh no! What am I doing!" But the more he thought about it and prayed about it he realized, it didn't seem to phase his feelings for me. The least he could do was try, right? So! Back to my phone conversation with my dad...He said Trevor told him he was still very much seeking the Lord's will in this and praying fervently about it because he wasn't sure if it was the path God was guiding him towards or not. They talked some about a few of their doctrinal differences, along with things they didn't necessarily directly disagree with but just things that our church did that his didn't and vice versa. Overall the vibe Daddy gave me from the whole talk was more positive than negative but he wanted to handle it neutrally so as not to get my hopes up.
My older sister Holly and I spent the night with Mam-maw and we stayed up all night (literally...all night) talking. I felt like I would never, maybe could never sleep again! ;) My mind and heart were full to overflowing. He did a post later on about being thankful for encouragement from new brethren and I smiled knowing he was talking about my dad. :) He deleted it later; it was becoming a pattern that I was picking up on. He seemed to post either slightly or very pointed things directed at me or our situation in general and he then almost always deleted it soon after. He must've been just as bewildered as I was! ;) The next day he went to Georgia to spend Christmas with his family as I "Christmas'd it up" with my own. :)

As the week went on, it felt like a month had passed and Mama and I started getting antsy. We wondered when he was planning to call again. He and Daddy had agreed to talk at least once a week. Lo and behold, Daddy got an email from Trevor asking what time he could call. Much to our surprise and contrary to how long it felt, it had only been four days since the original call when they talked for the second time. In the midst of all this I wrote out Philemon 4-7 in calligraphy. (Flashback) During the week of gloom after the email that ripped my heart to shreds we were doing Bible study one night and we happened to be reading Philemon. I don't believe I've ever truly read that book. But that of all books, is exactly what I needed. It brought such warmth and joy to my heart. The Lord used it in a very sweet way to comfort me. Verses 4-7 brought Trevor to my mind in such a bittersweet way. And then verse 15 jumped out at me..."For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for awhile, that you might have him back forever." I'm certainly not a fan of twisting Scripture out of context to make it fit where and how we want it to...but this just rested on my heart and gave me peace...not necessarily that in being separated from Trevor for a while would mean I would get him back forever...but more so that there was a purpose, God had a purpose, even if the separation was incredibly painful.
So, like I said, Philemon was an unexpected little jewel whose value I treasured that night.
Now! Back to me writing the passage in calligraphy....after I made the picture I put it between two pieces of cardboard, wrapped it in brown paper, addressed it all pretty and sent it off to 2 Shady Lane in Kirksville. Merry Christmas to Mr. Ruby. :)

However, I did not take into account how long he would be gone from his and Colin's house. I did not think about all the snow and rain and that poor defenseless little package probably taking the blows of it all. Colin was in Columbia so he could be no help and I didn't feel very comfortable with anyone knowing about me sending Trevor a package anyway. So I had to wait to hear the fate of my little gift. One of the days he was in Georgia he posted a 15 minute long video of himself taking a tour of his mom's showroom for her business Just Got 2 Have It. "For you." Mama assured me. He liked and commented on lots of fun love songs on YouTube. "So they would show up in his activity feed for you to see" my mom would say. Somehow she was always able to find a way to trace all his actions back to me. It was a dizzyingly fun time trying to pick up on all his hidden messages and dropped hints....since he wasn't allowed to directly contact me in anyway. All these things helped to rid my mind of the picture I was imagining of a ridiculously pitiful soggy package on his doorstep in Missouri. He stayed away from Kirksville for so. long! I messaged Colin quickly to ask if he or Trevor was going to get home from their families' Christmases first and he said Trevor was getting back first. Which meant if the package was ruined, he would find it alone and not with Colin which would be kind of lame and humiliating. Talk after talk went well between him and Daddy. They went head to head on their doctrinal difference, digging deeper to evaluate if these were deal breakers or things that could be accepted. It was good for both of them learning how to handle the issue with kindness, respect, and love as brothers in Christ. He did eventually get back to Kirksville...and thankfully I was to be informed of the status of that package. When looking at YouTube the day after he got home I found this video::

The package wasn't ruined...praise the Lord! I nearly died from the cuteness of the video. It was downright precious and made my heart feel like it was squeezed to death. He sounded so genuinely excited and just plain giddy to be opening something from me. It was some of the clearest evidence of his interest for me that I'd ever witnessed up to that point. I'm sure he was not expecting for that video to be as popular as it turned out to be. ;) Of course Rachel and I watched it a ton of times and every time I turned around Mama wanted to watch it again. ;)
So the big news after that was his travel to Texas plans. He had been planning on flying here but started to consider whether tickets would be too expensive for such a short trip. Then he tossed around catching a ride with a man there in the church in Kirsville who was planning to visit his son in the Dallas area at the end of February. That was his plan for a few days but then when he talked to my dad he finally settled on driving down February 1st and spending all February 2nd with them....because he couldn't stand waiting until the end of the month. ;)
So the date was set! He would be coming to Texas, my parents began compiling a list of a million questions to ask him and they honestly looked forward to getting to hang out with and getting to know him in person. I tried to fathom what I would do while they were with him....I would be home pretending to be chill and probably stopping to pray for them every 5 minutes. Oh, I didn't mention that? Yeah. The only catch to this delightful little powwow with Trevor was that I wasn't allowed to be there. My dad wanted it to be as "distraction-free" as possible. So now I was waiting on yet another life-changing conversation...that I could have no hand in or control over!
Talk about some faith building.
I suppose the real tester for me was not being able to talk to him! I had already gone through such a roller coaster already! I fought daily with the fears of "What if he doesn't really like me as much as I like him?!" My mom was my constant cheerleader through it all..."He wouldn't keep talking to Daddy if he didn't like you! He wouldn't be planning to come all the way to Texas to see us if he didn't like you a lot!" But February 1st was still nearly a month away! Along with being my personal cheerleader, she also joined in 100% on my anticipation. I have in my journal on January 8th her saying, "Why does time have to be going soooo sloooow! Why can't it be February already?!" I had to lovingly remind her that she was the one getting to see him then...I would be having to wait even longer. ;) The phone dates with my dad were sure and steady...they hardly ever skipped a week, and normally talked more than once a week...for up to 3 hours at a time! My dad always made me wait in my room or he would leave the house when they talked. He didn't want me eavesdropping I guess. It's funny now to think about how guarded the whole thing was but I know that at this point things were still very much undecided. My dad could honestly pull the plug at any moment if there was any red flag. It sounds strict and over the top, but a father has to use some necessary caution when a 26 year old man that he has never met suddenly has interest in his 17 year old daughter. It felt like torture to us then, but I know the situation was a huge mountain for my dad to access and climb.
Those times in my room were always pretty hilarious...I've never been one to spend much time in my room so finding myself in there for hours at a time always made things interesting. I'd clean up, read, listen to music, work out, pace the floor trying to ascertain whether an ultra long conversation was more likely a good sign or a bad sign. When I was finally freed from my "cell" I always tried not to be too eager as I allowed Daddy to share at his own pace, knowing he doesn't like to be rushed or pressured. Though he would beat around the bush for about 10 minutes with jokes like, "Weeell...I wouldn't say it went really good...I mean it was okaaaay..." Inside, I was screaming and kicking and this >>
He would finally spill the beans that he enjoyed the conversation very much and was pleased with everything that had been said. He always asked Trevor lots of questions and never seemed to receive an answer that warranted any major concern.
One of the sweet bits of reprieve that kept me hopeful was our secret means of semi-communication...YouTube. No, not like vlogging or any such thing...but our activity feeds. Because we were subscribed to each other's channels, I could see when he liked a video and vice versa. This, for two people who were constantly thinking about one another but had no way to directly express that in words, became pretty useful and fun. Such songs like Hesitate, Hurts like Heaven, Can't Take my Eyes off of You, (What a) Wonderful World, To Whom it May Concern, Talk, Bloom, Ho Hey, and Your Song were slyly exchanged like notes in class. Where there's a will, there's a way...and I guess you'd say that we had a lot of will.

9 comments:

Allix, oh my word, this is the sweetest!! Ah! It must have been so hard to be in suspense so often. And not be able to communicate. But how wonderful to have a dad who cares so much about you and wanted to guard your heart. What a precious story. Can't wait for the next part! ^_^

Allix, thank you so much for sharing your story. It's one of my favorites ever (like "hmm . . . I want to read some of Allix's story today", searches through archives for a post;) Can't wait for more, to hear how God brought this beautiful story about!