Ad Infinitum

The sky is low. the purple lilac outside the kitchen window looks limp. I've been watching the butterflies, because Saint David Attenborough wanted us to count them. One orange, two red admirals, and some white ones. Not as many as...

Now the thing about a blog is that it's personal, owned by you. Written by you, for you and for whoever wants to be associated with you. I've been blogging for about ten or so years, and I'm still none...

So now we are witnessing the outing of well paid BBC players. Outed by politicians who own companies worth millions, outed by dispassionate hard hearts who have always bleated on about the BBC being biased. Outed by a government that...

It's raining. The kale, broccoli, cauliflower and runner beans are loving it. The raspberries are shrivelled and the strawberries have a little life left. I am, officially, theeee most boring woman in the world. I've been doing my yoga, and...

I'm sorry about my absence but I can't be the only one who is confused, dazed, horrified, upset, appalled, angry and exhausted, by the chaos that is surrounding us. We all have our opinions, we all think we know what...

Ive got the fear of the Devil, that if there is a snap election, the Tories will get in with a bigger mandate than before and we will see yet more dismantling of everything. Schools will be taking lessons, in...

So I pruned the ivy on the studio wall. I pulled the stems, I cut the dead wood, I filled the purple plastic holdall and emptied the contents into the incinerator. It's a silver dustbin with holes in it. I...

I drove to Ashdown Forest. Just me, in my little red car. A smattering of East Sussex drivers,driving slowly in well maintained old cars. My irritation started to bubble. 'MOOOOOOVE' I shouted. I felt a stirring. I was driving to...

Roman Road, in the Ashdown Forest, was hard soiled. My Nordic Poles couldn't smash through the ice. The leaves crinkled and the sun so low I couldn't really see the view, which was tweedy brown and gorse yellow. My wooly...

There are days and then there are days. The rain tap-danced on my hood, I was zipped up, only my face peering out at the bare trees. The mud stuck to my Wellington boots, my glasses foggy with the drizzle....

Yellow leaves, red leaves, no leaves, green leaves. The oak tree outside the bedroom window is practically naked. November - one week to go till December - and I've found a new eatery - in the next village. Twee, said...

The pundits talk and punt. The speculators talk and speculate. The politicians talk and politicise. The winners win The losers lose And the talk goes on. The magnanimous forgive, the disillusioned dissolve, the spirited move on. The wind blows, the...

The stove is stoving, the light is fading and the fruit basket is full of windfalls. The washing's ironed, the carpet's vacuumed and the draining board is shiny. The 'oosbind's pottering, the dawter's driving and the tickets are booked for...

One week later the Cholla, chopped liver, Gefilte fish balls, bagels, egg and onion, Shepherds Pie, Macaroni Cheese, thirty thousand cakes and 43,000 bags of nibbles have finally left the house. 66 guests, including a dozen radio active children and...

I'm meant to be sleeping but I'm not ready yet. It's 2.45a.m. I'm in the attic, the clock is ticking, everything else is dead quiet. The mole who is destroying the garden is asleep. The foxes have stopped screaming, and...

On the hottest day of the year I mounted the 8.17 to London Bridge. My feet froze with the trains air conditioning. I walked out of the train station. The Shard shimmered in the sunlight. I asked an armed policeman...

A bunch of flowers arrived today. Pink and cerise, red and white. The smell so pungent they beat the Philadelphius in the garden. The first shrub I planted when we moved in 32 years ago. A tall man arrived at...

Friends and long lost acquaintances have been visiting me. i think they think my days are numbered. Well they are, in a manner of speaking. This morning I woke at 6.00 and climbed into a salty, lavender bath. Lay there...

So what has happened in the last 22 days. My aquilegias are bobbing their bonnets all over the garden. Pink, mauve, blue, pink and white, alongside foxgloves, rhododendrons and two massive peony buds that are about to pop. Last Thursday...

The birds are battling, who can sing the loudest. It's 5.00a.m. and I've played musical beds. On Thursday we drove to Stanstead airport. Dropped the car off and boarded a flight to Edinburgh. Picked up a hire car and drove...

Worry lorra time twixt now and then. So, as I write the sky's grey, even though the primroses, forget-me-nots and Tulip tree and carpeting the garden. My feet are freezing, the old git has just laid a big log fire,...

Forgive my absence. Tests unresolved, pain unresolved, this morning the consultant sent me a letter that was so out of date I nearly chewed my own eyeballs. It's tricky isn't it, that as a long standing member and supporter of...

Trying to remain positive, although my pain would test the patience of a Saint. Spent yesterday in A&E. Blood tests, urine tests, x-ray. They sent me away telling me there was nothing wrong. Even though I was doubled over in...

It ain't been easy, I will admit. The pain has been so excruciating, changing its nature, that I've been sleeping on the settee, living on bananas and crying more rivers than Julie and Justin put together. I've seen healers, doctors,...

When we had the flat in Battersea walking outside, when it got dark, was magical. The lights on the river, the lights in houses, red buses with their lights on, restaurants, pubs, 24 hour shops - you get the picture...

I have been sitting in my silence. Sitting in my own pool of fear, which seeped under the doors and through the windows. I have been awaiting the Endoscopy, which everybody had an opinion about. Have the sedative. Don't have...

Its a cold bright day. My fingers are cold, only just put the heater on in the attic, haven't been up here for ages. Spent most of my time in front of logs fires, which Jim has lovingly laid. Tuesday...

Its a cold bright day. My fingers are cold, only just put the heater on in the attic, haven't been up here for ages. Spent most of my time in front of logs fires, which Jim has lovingly laid. Tuesday...

To you all, a big thank you for your love and support. Last night I didn't sleep at all, watched the National Television Awards, from the comfort of my bean bag and two hot water bottles. Given that the awards...

Put on a big puffy jacket, had my pyjamas and thick socks over my suede clogs, and left the house in the frosty morning. The earth was hard, paw prints frozen in the mud. The grass white and crusty. Sounded...

Two parcels to post, so I drove down to the local Post office. The postman, a delicious Asian man, with long pointy fingers and the patience of Meher Baba, weighed the boxes, put them in a sack and wished me...

This morning I took the 10.09 train to Charing Cross sans hot water bottles which have been pressed to my body for nearly two months. Pain and more pain have been my constant companions since October 5TH. I've seen more...

Annus horribilis. February 22nd I broke my arm. Lingering chest infection from American airlines and air con. A collapsed back from July to October. And just when i thought it was safe to go back into the water on October...

How grateful the dawter and I were to be able to get a week away in Lanzafeckingrotty. The constant criticism is the curse of the Western traveller......... The Lava walls were everywhere, the landscape bleak and Barron. The beds too...

The rain has arrived. The grey clouds have made the cottage feel dark. The Camellias, outside the door have rainwater dripping off their leaves. All day, drip, drip, drip. The heater is on in the bath room. I have been...

The garden table is full of windfalls. Half the apples are brown waspy mush the other half shiny green and red. I'm working on Radio Sussex this week so gardening duty is out. It's a 6.00a.m. start. Shower, dressed, torch...

The leaves are turning from green to red. From green to yellow. From green to pink. Yesterday I drove to Brighton and sat in for Danny Pyke on Radio Sussex, he's broken his collar bone. I'm sitting in for Danny...

I went into town yesterday for a meeting. I took the Uckfield train. Stood in the sunshine and did some exercises whilst I waited for the little chuffer to turn up. On the platform, opposite where the steam train club...

Well it aint Baton Rouge, but my next gig is Brighton and Radio Sussex. Up at 6.00. Stumble into the bathroom. Stick out my tongue to see if I'm getting better, seems my body is beginning to slough off the...

The rain came. It was warm but the rain came down and I feared I wouldn't get a train. In the event the 11.39 trundled into the station. I had on a little waterproof jacket which revealed itself not to...

Change of clothes in my pink suede bag Olly went driving round town and the rest of us went to a side road. Parked up was a stall with two bicycles. Nailed to the floor. Inside the roadside arrangement was...

Another early start. All of us tumbled into the two SUV's. Kit packed and we were off to Eugene. Two hours later we arrived everybody needing the REST ROOM. After which we talked, into camera, in the car park. My...

Up early. The cough lingers. My energy level is less than perfect. I am in a bad mood. Have that scratchy feeling you get when you want everything done for you, that feeling of irritation when everything you have to...

Being on the road time takes on a completely new dimension. Long days, interminable nights, loadsa travelling, but however you cut it, you arrive home in the end. It's like the man who meets Death, terrified he jumps on his...

Hamburgers Caesar Salad Artichoke soup Caramelised onions Crudite Some of the delicacies that I ate, in one day, and not necessarily in that order. You cant make an omelette without breaking eggs. You cant make a food show without breaking...

In 1962 relatives in Canada decided their poor English cousins would benefit from a generous bulk-load of cream cheese and sardines. For months my mother would mime our breakfast choices. Clucking like a hen to indicate dairy - don't ask...

Good bye Santa Barbara, hello Monty. 249 miles, through changing temperatures, changing sound tracks and changing scenery. 249 miles and we would be in Monteray. We all knew we were going to have to film stuff, but after 249 miles...

It was Fathers day in the UK, they were with each other as I lollopped around my luxury 12th floor bedroom. Didn't want breakfast, didn't want to get dressed, but it was our one and only day off and Sybil...

How different is New Orleans from Los Angeles. The French Quarter with its genteel courtyards, people walking, a sense of its own history, and LA with its billboards, traffic and technology. Outside my 12th floor window, a wonderful hotel for...

Friday 19th June, and our stay in New Orleans had come to an end. Impressions linger. Balconies, hospitality, beads and beignet sugared noses. My big red suitcase, packed to the gunnels, was left by the desk in the suite of...

Three days in and it feels like I've been away for a month. Jim has been dealing with my little red car which failed it's MOT. Rust and a nail in the tyre, along with speeding fines and I'm thinking...

Waking up in The Bourbon Hotel was glorious. Clothes hanging neatly in the 'closet', clean white towels. Delicious bath lotions. I chose a white dress for the N'awlins shoot. Great idea until I realised I had to wear spandex knickers...

Dear All, here's some of my American travels. Shlepping around my lap top was a great idea in my head BUT the heat and the travelling meant I hardly unpacked it. The journey out was an early start, 6.30 a.m....

Welcome all. I have been recovering from jet lag. I have been recovering from extremely long shooting days, 100 degree heat and more air flights than a migrating goose. So I'm back. My shoulders are as brown as a Peruvian...

Dear Poppy, says our twillage has four banks. Sorry..... So today I drove to Brighton to have my hair primped and coloured before my trip to South Carolina. But not before I went to the hospital to see the physiO....

The highest point in our twillage is 242 metres above sea level. This summit is the highest point of the High Weald and second highest point in East Sussex. Its relative height is 159 metres, meaning my adopted second home...

When I went to the hospital to have my elbow checked, I entered zone 2 shivering with indignation. The X-ray machine had broken and a twenty minute wait lasted nearly three hours. I was given a 50p deduction on parking...

Two weeks ago the world was an altogether different place. Quotes will be quoted, embarrassments will be played and replayed. Humiliations will be written about and gloated over. Tectonic plates, will be forever moving in Scotland and hats will be...

Broke the elbow on February 22nd. Today I was given the all clear. But not after waiting for two and a half hours in the aircraft hanger that is called our hospital. One of the X-Ray machines had gone down....

First the dawters birthday. Lots of people, lots of booze, lots of little sausages cooked in honey and sesame seeds. Secondly my birthday. The big tall son-in-law came home from Bali. Enough of us to stand on the kick step...

So I bumped into my ex-singing teacher. We went into the new Costa's in Crowborough High street, which let me tell you is in a parlous state, thats the High Street not Costa's The bra shop is closing. The vegetable...

February 21st. Snow. Big globular melting drops. Scrambled eggs - just the one. So it should read Scrambled egg. Coffee designed by the old git. The attic awaits. Yesterday. No sleep at all. 5.00 o'clock start. 5.40 taxi. Big Polish...

It started out as a bit of a catch up, but by 4.35 this morning all eight episodes of True Detective had been watched, stored, logged and discussed. I went to bed with images of Matthew McCooouhannhunhgy and Woooolie Harrolscombe...

I don't ever remember my father wearing pyjamas. My mother, however, wore little nightdresses that started out white but after successive mixed washes went either pink or grey. Each Christmas my mother would buy me a new pair of pj's...

The fire is blazing, the telly silent till 'Mapp and Lucia', one cat asleep in the red bean bag, the other perched on top of the sofa. Emmy growls. Solly stares at her and she moans like an old wart...

Penultimate yoga class this morning. I've just read that Yoga does nothing for aging. Interesting if you put 'for' and 'aging' together you get FORAGING aint that what you do when you get older. A bit of a forage here...

November came and went. Parties, voice overs, writing and cooking. Not a lot of walking - I'm sooooo lazy at the moment. Meditating, yoga and film watching. Went to see PADDINGTON in Brighton. We all cried. The dawters gigs. Squash...

The first of the Bafta films have arrived. By 1.30a.m. we had watched two. 'Jimmy's Hall' Ken Loaches latest offering. Based on a true story of a free thinking man, it tells the tale of sectarian politics in Southern Ireland...

And now I have finally re-entered the world. Been strange, tricky, but with the help of homeopaths, witchy healers, friends and the old man I'm feeling more grounded. There's something about this ageing stuff that makes me panic. The light...

I thought it said 7.30. We left the cottage at 5.00. When I read the card again it said be seated by 6.45 Show starts promptly at 7.00. The 'oosbind then drove like Sterling Moss, Jason Button and Lewis Hamilton...

5.30 and its dark outside. The moon is half hanging in a big sky. The telly is burbling on in the background, whilst the old man is mending a pair of my favourite trousers. I collected my little red car...

There is an air of suspended animation. Leaves clogging up the path. Apples dropping off the trees. Overgrown Basil and green tomatoes. This mornings breakfast Brussel Sprouts, the last tiny courgette, all the overgrown Basil the last few kale leaves...

Paracetamol, did the trick. Who knew? Paracetamol and three trips to my wonderful cranial osteopath. Three trips and then I was back to hot yoga. 36º then 39º and higher. For the first three classes my left thigh was so...

The fight with the bathroom floor started to take its toll. The pain in my right thigh was so persistant I had to take painkillers. Two trips to the osteopath, and the agony had only subsided a little. I had...

Wednesday morning arrived, and I climbed into the awaiting taxi. I declined breakfast knowing I was about to eat a full on roast and an American style Christmas courtesy of Matt Tebbutt and Christian Stephenson. I decided, because of my...

So I climbed out of bed at 7.00, walked into the wet room, used up the little bottles of Miller Harris, put in the lenses, creamed the old visage and arrived into reception at 7.45 to meet the taximan. Day...

I now have the use of my limbs. After six days of eating, drinking and making merry my body felt like it had been under Paul Hollywood's rolling pin. Shooting THE TWELVE CHEFS OF CHRISTMAS, otherwise known as the 12...

Saturday was re-organised so that the printer man could come and fix my printer. I hadn't accounted for the Pisces Harvest Moon working her devilment and reeking havoc. I had planned to mow the lawn but decided I may not...

so the printer died. I bought a new one. It has totally screwed my computer settings and the geezer who sold it to me has still not arrived to set it up. After a night in A&E with nosebleeds, that's...

There are those days when rain wraps you in a shawl of languor. Time stops. The only movement the dipping, dripping leaves. The silence is heavy with clock ticks and rain drops. King Solomon is licking his fur and the...

My left eye has a lens for distance and my right for reading. I am writing this wearing a pair of magnifying glasses I bought in the opticians. I can't read the prescription because if I take them off the...

It felt like we were in Rome. The heat of the sun, 'people watching' from our little table. The Italian café served up a perfect creamy latté and a strong Americano for Gods Gift. Maximus, a Spanish Water dog, settled...

I love Hymns. My mothers favourite was 'To be a Pilgrim'. I loved the rousing chorus of 'Eternal Father', or the ridiculously lush 'I Vow to Thee my Country'. I was invited, aged 15, to play the grand piano in...

I walked from Clapham South in the sunshine. Through Nappy Valley with their Rolls Royce push-chairs and £2.2 million houses. Past the builders building basements, past the builders building conservatories, past the builders who are putting in loft extensions. All...

The longest day. Midsummer celebrations in Sweden and four of us had a table in the sun in Brighton. In 1976 we took a 'play' to Sweden. From Gothenburg to Uppsala, from Umea to Lund. But not necessarily in that...

The rain, as predicted came down big. I donned socks and thick trainers, a hoodie and leggings, yoga top and sweatshirt, over which I put a lightweight mac. Zipped up and went clockwise out of the drive. 'Go with the...

If you lie on your side you will see that these are NOT mouse ears, although I thought they were. Their common name is 'thunder flower' on account of the historical belief that if you picked them you would...

If the coffee is too bitter it makes for an uncomfortable chill out. If the room isn't hot enough it makes for a less than thrilling yoga session. If I don't write it makes for a debilitating day. If nobody...

So butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, the delicious KING SOLOMON, he with the shiny black coat and white bootees. Then before you could scream SOLLEEEEE NOOOOO he had floored one tiny baby blackbird. I screamed and poked him with...

The grey clouds were thin. The only beings out were me and the bids, who were chattering, whistling, squawking and clucking. The view was green, dark greens, emerald greens, light green and that silvery green that shines on the back...

Okay so its 04.51a.m. on Saturday May 3rd. I can't sleep. The old git can't sleep. Both cats can't sleep. The birds are singing and my left side is cold. The right side seems to be still warm from all...

The last petals from the Magnolia tree have fallen. They brown at the edges, curling up the last of their pinkness. The primroses have outgrown their flowers and the little blue forget-me-nots are now taking over. I have got bulbs...

Two weeks have gone so quickly. BBC Sussex and BBC Surrey is a joy to work on. Yesterday, though I got up at 6.15, and the room started spinning. Sat down. It kept on spinning. Went to the bathroom, followed...

its just gone half past four. I sat in front of the telly eating my lunch, when the phone went. Trotted upstairs to discuss something I'd written and hours later have just resurfaced. Drove to pick up a letter from...

You know how you put it off - we call it washing the label off the whiskey bottle. When you need to deadline some writing, shopping, cooking, hoovering, washing, dusting, reading, whateva! When you have deadlines and you don't want...

After the show I walked along the seafront. FAST. Sun shining. Lots of dogs. A smily kind of day. We had talked about smoking, bullying, Butlins in Bognor Regis, the price of England's football shirt - £90 - and we...

Jeni and Olly's west Coast Wine adventure is on the Travel Channel. I can't tell you the number because we're all different. BUT They are repeating it andrepeating it, so you will, with determination and patience find it. I am...

And so the birthday celebrations begin. Today we went out for lunch in our local pub. Instead of sitting outside in 20º sun we sat inside with several intergenerational families, and were served by two rather splendid women. I should...

New mown grass. Solly smells of fresh air and the garden. In and out of the cat flap. He's finally found his way. I had to have a bath after me pruning, pulling, poking, cutting and mowing. My back couldn't...

The senior cat is outside somewhere. The infant cat is on the black blanket on top of the sofa. He had his wee nuts nuked last Thursday. Went like a mad thing all Friday. Then he stopped. Just stopped. Lay...

Did the trailer for JENI AND OLLY'S WEST COAT WINE TRAIL. It's happening first week in March on The Travel Channel, I think you may like it. I had to cancel it twice because of the weather. Then finally we...

Hot Yoga in Tunbridge wells is my chosen de-stresser. In a little purpose built studio a minimum of 36º is pumped out. When it gets to 39º I am at my happiest. It's not Bikram, 30 minutes shorter, but the...

On the table. Off the table. In the Yukka. Off the Yukka. Up my leg. Down my leg. In the daffodill jug. Over with the daoffodills. On the chair. Off the chair. I'm trying to write. Solly is being kitten,...

So lets have the discussion. At what age should we give up on a dream? Is it ever appropriate to remove dreams from the landscape of our lives? I never dreamt I wanted to be broadcaster. As with so much...

So last night I went to THE ARCOLA THEATRE in HACKNEY to see the thespianstic spouse give about two minutes and the rest of the cast much more. The second of the Spanish plays, with blood and gore and a...

The freezer broke. So him and me looked at the internet, had three rows after which we decided on a little under the counter jobby. We agreed to have it delivered yesterday. Couldn't do Saturday because he had two shows...

The roof tiles are groaning - enough with the wind already. The kittycat is sleeping on the chair opposite me, I'm trying to get him used to the attic. Sue has been and gone, the house is spick and span....

So the wind and rain have become constant bedfellows down 'ere in roooral Sussex. The bins are out, the bottles are out, the black bin bags are out, and now we await the bin men, who given the set of...

Ten days since my last post. Hmm last post!! Christmas was full of people, impromptu meals, visitors and far too much of everything. Two bottles of Gammel Dansk were brought down to a hailing, blowing, hurricane of an evening, by...

It's 2.30 am. The night is very dark, the moon is three quarters full and I am preparing for the invasion of a tyrannical kitten called Solly. King solomon to give him his full title. The saga began last Sunday....

so its a happy Chanukah AND Thanksgiving. Happy to be alive - however tricky. Happy t ohave friends - however distant. Happy to have a family - however scattered. Happy to have my health -however croaky Happy to have a...

Can't blame my exhaustion on jet-lag, but can blame it on crazy schedule and deaths. I'e been trying to rock myself to sleep by intoning the San Franciscan itinerary, but I get lost with all the drive-bys and hotel changes....

I'm waiting for my boarding card to be printed. Gods Gift is in the studio sorting out the finances, the dawter and bestie are at the shops buying food for the Sunday Roast, I have a pile of clothes with...

TO ALL MY LOVELY BLOGGERS Any comment that includes a LINK will go to junk. I have been getting so many cheap advertisers from China etc. using my website, its been a nightmare. My lovely web-man has worked his magic...

The clock is ticking it's 01.18 That and the cats purring is the only sound in the cottage. My body seems to have dealt with the jet-lag remarkably well. I didn't take my lap-top with me and writing on my...

Calling all the Wealdon Ladies, all the Wealdon sung to the tune of Beyoncé. I had no wish to offend, if I did then I'm sorry. I admit my bingo wings were a wobbling along with everybody else. In fact...

'LEAVE REALITY AT HOME' Boomed the voice/over at the cinema. So I left the cat, the washing, the un-shopped shopping-list, the three apple trees that are so heavy with fruit the branches are trailing on the uncut lawn. I left...

'LEAVE REALITY AT HOME' Boomed the voice/over at the cinema. So I left the cat, the washing, the un-shopped shopping-list, the three apple trees that are so heavy with fruit the branches are trailing on the uncut lawn. I left...

Back in the day when I lived in Battersea, seems like million years ago now, I used to shop in The Native American emporium on The Kings Road, I bought bits to satisfy my Crancological life style. I amassed bracelets,...

it's 18 minutes past 2.00 and I'm still in my winceyette pj's. I've been diving into my days since the last programme - which as many of you know was extremely emotional. It was also indulgent, funny, spirited, busy, musical,...

Two days to go and my life, as I know it, changes irrevocably. The pattern of my life has been shifting and changing since 2010. Four and half year phases predominated. Then LBC put pay to that. Three and a...

My last show looms. How kind many of you are for sending me supportive messages. How unkind some of you have been. Doesn't help to be attacked. of course I feel vulnerable, and yes your nasty comments do pierce my...

Little blue shorts and purple vest thingy, my trainers and a hair clip. Yesterday I went to my brilliant beautician, who I have been seeing for 23 years, and spent an hour and a half having all my naughty bits...

1 o'clock and my body has finally been addressed. On the last day of August I have begun again. I'm playing the Bee Gees in tomorrows show just so's you know. I Snarky Puppied round the houses. Taking in the...

I should have taken pictures but I was too busy cooking, chopping, slicing, grilling, boiling, frying, seasoning and tasting I couldn't fit in taking pics as well. The 'oosbinds 70th was going to be mammoth. It all began last Thursday....

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the death of my mother. One year ago I was travelling to Ibiza for The Groucho Club. This year I am sitting in for Vanessa Feltz at Radio London. Tomorrow I will light a Yahrtzeit...

What a strange old time. My feet and fingers are cold. I'm wearing my mothers old cardigan, pink wooly socks and my flannelette pyjama trousers. It must be AUTUMN setting in. I'm going into the vegetable patch to pick a...

It's Wednesday evening. The window is open and there's the distant buzz of an aeroplane flying to Gatwick. God's Gift has just watered the garden and I'm sitting in the attic xorsted. Depping at Radio Kent. A splendid activity. Tomorrow...

JOIN ME FOR MORE SUNDAY BANTER. 9-12 on Radio London 94.9 this August 4th - tell me you favourite ice-cream and why. Where would you most like to lick it.....not the cornet, silly, the location. And your oldest friend stories....

Interesting deeeebate. See if the powers that be valued creativity then we wouldn't be in such a mess. Thems that know say when culture gets marginalised, and takes a battering then Society is on a hiding to nothing. 'Scroungers' are...

Well Poppy Reed, what an interesting concept that a parent needs to guide a child away from her her chosen profession and into a career. So being a musician is not a career then Poppy, or is a career for...

7.15 and it feels like midnight in Tibet. The sky is heavy, the thunder a rumbling over the fields and misty clouds are settling on the tree tops. It's been one of them days. I listened to Russel Brand yesterday...

I've polished my table so now it has a good shine and my room smells of carnauba wax, beeswax and essential oils. I've thrown away loads of paper and detritus that has accumulated, I'm ready for work. For the last...

Before we had the heat-wave I was walking 'vigorously' round the houses. The light was moody and so was I. Jim started rehearsing and all of a sudden the smell of summer was in the air. I walked and...

I have been in and out of the sun. Television on all the time with Wimbledon balls being whacked out over the sitting room rug. The dawter BB.James, was feautured on Radio 1, and Gods Gift started rehearsing last week....

I set my alarm for 5.00 Wrote it on my head three times and fell asleep having seen BEYOND THE CANDELABRA in Uckfield Picture House. My writing partner is staying until Saturday and we are tweeking and creating in the...

The tree tops are swaying in the wind, they look like despondent, manic rag dolls. The rain is raining. The wind is blowing. My feet are freezing. I can hear the television from two floors down. Thursday lunch in a...

From Devon to Wiltshire, from Wiltshire to Bristol to home. It's 5.20 in the morning of Wednesday 19th of June. I spent yesterday in the garden, this morning was going outside to enjoy the fruits of my labour and do...

Tomorrows show will be comic, serious and extremely entertaining. Call me if you want to talk about autism and wild life gardening. 0207 224 2000 Rob Deering, Niamh Cusack, Kate Williams and Kate Bradbury. Brilliant guests/ But I Can't do...

23.32 and I'm using my personal hotspot. I didn't know what it meant either, but my personal husband showed me, in a very up close and personal way, how to turn on my settings, hit the on switch and open...

I couldn't get 'Snarky Puppy' up today, something went wrong with my itunes so I decided to walk through the houses, past the school, left past the police station and right up to Chapel Green. past the church, right down...

The wind is up. But that didn't stop us putting on the old anoraks and going to King Standing, where we always walked Jackson. The dawter left at 10.00. Taking her life and music with her. I'm struggling, at...

I woke this morning just before the alarm. Did me Tibetan 5, got dressed, ate an avocado and left at 7.20. Even with tractors and rush hour traffic I still arrived on time at 7.30... Parked my car in the...

Unbelievably I didn't get up till 11.00. this morning. The weather did not entice me out of the bed. My only excuse is that I didn't go to bed till very late having been energised by MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG....

Every time I run/walk I wonder whether to bother to write this blog anymore. I go through a whole paranoid journey of not being wanted, being boring, being too old for this malarky. I run through why I should or...

Idiot alert. Wind flowers ARE not WOOD SORREL . Wind flowers are WOOD ANEMONES. From now on my days as a botanist are numbered!. Update on the puppy: Gods Gift has gone and got himself a job. Nine months of...

So I realised that when a blogger blogs they need to be accurate. I have been merrily running past the little white flowers believing them to be aconite. They are crowding the verges and filling the hedgerows. They are NOT...

Sometimes I wonder whether walking in the country isn't the most boring thing in the world. No people. No madness. No River. No London. And then the sun comes out and baaam! The palest of yellow primroses have completely overtaken...

The Boston Bombing had me turning away from the television screen 'Some of you may find the images disturbing' said Sophie the newsreader. It wasn't so much the images I found disturbing as the incredulity of fifteen seconds of devastation...

The Boston Bombing had me turning away from the television screen 'Some of you may find the images disturbing' said Sophie the newsreader. It wasn't so much the images I found disturbing as the incredulity of fifteen seconds of devastation...

I have finally mowed the lawn. Cleared the woodshed. My mothers three plants have just about survived the coldest of times. although I'm not too happy about the Rosemary. I have taught the old man how to make soup, and...

I have written all my thank you letters, thank you. My birthday was simply lovely. Brighton lunch, and flowers all over the kitchen. This morning I am a week older than last Sunday. Being 64 is really rather good. My...

I was shamed into writing this by the delicious Jamie kelsey Fry, who graced my show this morning. Megan and Louise wrote a book about teenagers, and equipped themselves so well as did my last guest Robbie Hance, who sung...

What a show we have for you on St. Patricks Day. Great music and the sharp as you like Amanda Ramsay, from Labour Uncut who is my paper reviewer. Anna and Andrew Wallas 'have written a book entitled Call off...

The snow has melted on the tree tops but its still a crunchy walk to the studio. Yesterday couldn't get into town for the theatre as all the trains were frozen to the tracks. Today I was meant to be...

Dear friends and neighbours Here we are with #Potty Politics. Miss de Mina talks dirty. She would be most grateful if you could spread her around a bit please. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wd-oiociko Do feel free to watch the uvver 7 watch wiv...

What interesting piece of history have you uncovered from your family's deep and dark past. Or what don't you know? Tune in after 10am and talk to our expert and hear actress Samantha Womack's (Janus) story about when she delved...

Year of The Snake started yesterday. As the rain tumbled down, turned to sleet, then snow, I talked with Jeremy Phang abut this year coming up. He said what all the generic websites say that soon we will be reaping...

Arguments at work – Have you ever had to tell someone they’re not good at their job? How do you solve workplace disputes? Is email the way to go if you want to complain about someone’s behaviour? Or does a...

On with my airport socks, muddy trainers, shorts, purple jogging vest, that was so tight I was up to my neck in chest, a shrunken grey cardigan and a thin, yellow fancy anorak, with a front pocket for my smart...

Romance is on my mind. Hypnotherapist, Trevor Silvester, will be talking about lurve, lurve and more lurve. Richard Johnson will talk about aphrodisiacs and you will tell me the first romantic meal you ever cooked for you partner. Mine was...

Join me on BBC LONDON 94.9 from 9-12 and Talk to me. Apart from music and Ella Kenyon, delicious actress and comedienne, I am asking you WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE EVER HAD. And to commemorate Holocaust...

Dear all, I haven't been out of the house since Sunday. Just walked to the studio and the snow crunched under my feet. I had on silver slippers inside Jim's charity shop blue crocs. They are rubbery and disgusting. Have...

Snow, snow and even more snow. I opted to be driven into town by the dawter yesterday afternoon, fearing I wouldn't make it on the roads this morning. We talked as the car slushed through the snow. Not a lot...

Lucy Siegle – Has been Green for years. She talks about it, makes films about it, writes about it and is generally a good old green egg. She is reviewing my papers this Sunday January 20th. 9-12 on BBC London...

My homeopath gave me remedies for my gloom and blood sugar. After three days I felt completely different. She gave me SUGAR - i.e. treated like with like. Now I know a homeopathic remedy is not the same as taking...

My homeopath gave me remedies for my gloom and blood sugar. After three days I felt completely different. She gave me SUGAR - i.e. treated like with like. Now I know a homeopathic remedy is not the same as taking...

I have SOPHIE WALKER on the show this Sunday January 13th, at 9.00a.m. Sophie Walker's daughter Grace was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, Fighting off a prescription for anti-depressants, Sophie decided to go for a run. Running changed her so she...

I have SOPHIE WALKER on the show this Sunday January 13th, at 9.00a.m. Sophie Walker's daughter Grace was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, Fighting off a prescription for anti-depressants, Sophie decided to go for a run. Running changed her so she...

You cannot eat two baked potatoes, cream cheese, smoked salmon and two chocolates and expect your blood to be clean. SO This morning I bit the bullet, as opposed to the fresh French Baguette in the bread bin. Put on...

If I sit with my back to the radiator facing East, the sun shines directly into my eyes. Sitting cross legged for 30 minutes and my hips are still holding up. This morning I put 'Snarky Puppy' in my ears,...

If I sit with my back to the radiator facing East, the sun shines directly into my eyes. Sitting cross legged for 30 minutes and my hips are still holding up. This morning I put 'Snarky Puppy' in my ears,...

The turkey, goose, ham, bacon and sausage meat is packed into Jim's shed and the fridge. The presents are wrapped under the tree. I am slowly working my way through all the Bafta films, ready for the first round of...

I have loadsa music on my smart phone. I travelled back from London listening to Sax Appeal. All riffy and raunchy. Makes the journey go by in a flash.. After doing the Evening Standard crossword I was thinking about the...

So here is the news - BBC style - the brilliant Esther is back with the show for three months, taking nothing away from other lovely producers of course, but Esther birthed me at the Beeb..... January, February and March...

And so it is official I am still with BBC London 94.9. Let me tell you the relief merited an almond milk latte and a gluten free cherry cake. My inability to trust the process of the Universe has been...

It has been far too long. Far too long rummaging through the boxes and drawers of my past. This morning I took the 7.19 train from Sevenoaks. The drive to the station was slow and cautious. The frost as thick...

I ate an Italian meal alone. Not a good look, since Italians are all about family and conviviality. Still I had an appointment at 4.00 and had to fill three hours until 'OUR BOYS' at the Duchess Theatre in the...

Sleeping is easier since I pulled the suitcases from the top of the wardrobe, emptied my bookshelves, removed all the Jewellery boxes from the side of the bed and took down paintings that I had grown out of. But last...

So the leaves on the lawn have created a damp carpet of bronze. Jim and I have been changing the cottage round, and have trodden thousands of wet leaves into the soft lawn. Apparently it's been the wettest year since...

I haven't even the energy to write my journals. After 35 years I'm finding it tricky to find the time. Meditating is eluding me and the little broken toe has made exercise almost impossible. The space clearing exercise was so...

A pair of green socks and a big green woolly sweater to cover my modesty. Th cottage is very quiet, although there is a hiss from the boiler as it heats up the radiators. It is chilly. A sharp, October...

I managed to get a boot over my left toe. I had been to see Helen, who rearranged my body. She released my twisted gut which meant I could finally breathe. Which I have been doing, deeply, all day. My...

Where is it going? I can't remember September and October has already been and done ten days of itself. My little broken toe is ailing. I keep walking int0 wardrobes and chair legs. I keep howling with pain and yelping...

I have spent the last four days in London. I stayed on the fourth floor at the Groucho club. 70 steps up the windy staircase into my pristine little room. I set up my computer and telephone charging equipment, unpacked...

12/9. 12.44. 22 days later and 24.00 hours after the event. THE SETTING SUN in Brighton saw 50 odd people - and some of us were decidedly odd - eating and drinking to Renée Barnett. For the last twenty two...

Mr first sacking was back in 1988. I read out a letter on TVam about David Steel and David Owen....It was ten days before the General Election and I didn't now about the Representation of Peoples Act. Each political party...

I'm drinking brandy, Jim is playing Steely Dan, and my tears have stopped for now. My sincerest thank you's for your commiserations. My mother is having s humanist funeral. Jim has spent two days making a slide show of my...

I'm drinking brandy, Jim is playing Steely Dan, and my tears have stopped for now. My sincerest thank you's for your commiserations. My mother is having s humanist funeral. Jim has spent two days making a slide show of my...

So I now have a running order. The cremation takes place on September 11th at 12.25. Sybil, my soothsayer in Hollywood, said she'll go off with a bang. Who'd have thought we would ever make jokes about 9/11 let alone...

I was wearing all black. A strapless bra so that my top would reveal my shoulders which are brown from gardening. A pair of black balloon trousers over fancy pants. I had a small red case. Two books and my...

Where to begin. My trip down to South West of England started inauspiciously. I had stayed overnight with my writing partner, LSM. Her little West Hampstead flat is terrific, only I couldn't sleep. I was like a time lapse film...

So the old man played his ukelele at a party last night. Went out looking like a petrified Jess Conrad. Came home after midnight, a lot after midnight actually. I watched the Olympic haul, cried with Jessica, bawled with Mo...

So I stepped out this morning, having mowed the lawn. I wore a red daisy sarong and trainers. God Forbid I had an accident there was no underwear, clean or otherwise, to be seen. I left the cottage my head...

I wonder whether the Great Bon Dieu understands the irony of old age, he takes away sleep when our bodies are in the need of rest. In my case waking at 2-4-6-a.m. is de rigeur. Insomnia is part of the...

The sun came out. Took my tiny little stop watch into the garden and turned the wooden chair towards the sun. Meditated for at least half an hour and felt the warmth of the rays going through me. Threw open...

Clock ticking. The thwack of a bird on the window pane. It nearly made it into the bedroom. Managed to relaunch after the window pain. . The post now arrives at 10.30. The letter about an idiot woman who banged...

Clock ticking. The thwack of a bird on the window pane. It nearly made it into the bedroom. Managed to relaunch after the window pain. . The post now arrives at 10.30. The letter about an idiot woman who banged...

I have been staying in Canary Wharf. Eleven floors up in a flat with panoramic views over London. The flat is being payed for by an Olympic outfit that have more money than conscience. Drop a towel and its picked...

I had an appointment at 1.00. Critical I got there punctually. The rain had steamed up the inside of my little red car. I was lulled into some kind of trance. Chopin playing on the radio. I drove past the...

I can smell the soup. Onions and garlic. Chinese cabbage. Parsley. Basil. 5 green chilies. 2 Courgettes. Sweated, boiled, simmered, zzuzzhed. We were going to see 'Prometheus', or 'Men in Black', but three star reviews have put me off. So,...

THE COCK near Barcombe is the friendliest pub. I asked for all me salad bits plus. The plus was delicious wilted broccoli, if you can wilt a tree, perfectly cooked asparagus and creamy pale avocados. I put my headphones in...

One piece of Salmon. 8 minutes fried in smoked-kipper-butter. VANILLA BLACK , the veggie restaurant make it. A handful of organic kale, high cook for 5 mins. Smoky butter drizzled over everything. And there we are....

Stopped off at the asparagus farm. They have had a rotten yield what with no rain, too much rain, frost and blustery winds. I bought a tall bag of asparagus that had already been tailed. A punnet of strawberries. A...

Stopped off at the asparagus farm. They have had a rotten yield what with no rain, too much rain, frost and blustery winds. I bought a tall bag of asparagus that had already been tailed. A punnet of strawberries. A...

When the cats away the mice gets all upset and twitchy and wonders, sometimes, what's the point of cooking at all if you are sitting alone at the table. However, trips into town can make up for the quietest cottage...

The orchard is beckoning. I fear all the blossom has been scattered from the interminable wind and rain. I wanted to pick handfuls of wild garlic but the clouds glowered in extremis. So I poured some of Flannigans organic oats...

Nibbled on nuts - wasabi style. Crunched on coleslaw - New York style. Suppered on steamed salmon with lemon slices and rosemary from the garden. Soon I'll I take my seat for THE BRIDGE essential Saturday night viewing with the...

Nibbled on nuts - wasabi style. Crunched on coleslaw - New York style. Suppered on steamed salmon with lemon slices and rosemary from the garden. Soon I'll I take my seat for THE BRIDGE essential Saturday night viewing with the...

Take 400 somethings of mung beans. Put em in the pressure cooker. Bring em to the steam. Turn off the pressure cooker. Let the steam die down. Open the lid. And there you have a pan full of soft green...

The cottage is very quiet. The only sound is the clock ticking behind me. The smell of beeswax furniture polish lingers in the air, I polished the piano. Mr.Crouch, our piano tuner, came with his box of tricks , put...

Wettest April since records began eh? My little car braved the wind and the rain as I scuttled back and forth between London and home. This week has been nuts.... The Dawter played her first acoustic gig at The Phoenix...

Monday was calm. Tuesday was mad. My mother was taken into hospital. I drove down to Brighton giving myself enough time to get there, visit and get back in time to drive into London. At the Cuilfail Tunnel - just...

It is becoming clear to me that Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff is turning into one of my favourite composers. Whether I am walking through rain and mist or driving through the white Birch Trees of Grombridge Woods, Sergei's strings do it...

Easter doesn't really mean anything to me as a festival, although I do like the idea that shops must shut on Easter Sunday. And its lovely having Gods Gift and the dawter home for four days. I went to work...

One week before Easter. No Easter Eggs. No Simnel cake No chocolate bunnies. No Passover parties. No guests BUT The old man is back from Northampton. So we'll be quibbling, nibbling and dribbling. Thats what happens when you get as...

ON FRIDAY I WAS 62 Theclockswentforward8cupcakesweredevouredinthegarden ahugebunchoforangepeacocktulipsandwhitefresiasarrivedfromGodsGift ajugofdelicatepinktulipswereplacedundermynosebyB shealsoboughtmeanewspaperandpacketsofseeds whichAmyRyanmyexpertgardenerplantedasIsatinthedeckchairreadingtheIndependent fourcupcakesfromBwerepastelpinkAmyswerechocolate 3womenandtheirdaughtersplustheoosbindsungHappyBirthday iblewoutthecandlesinthewarmsunshine alotdifferentfromlastyearwhen23drunkenrevellerscelebratedinmyflatinLondon. AND THEN I WAS 63....

Imelda Staunton can do no wrong as Mrs Lovett in 'Sweeney Todd'. You may find the music abrasive and discordant, you may find some of the scenes brilliantly gruesome, you may have to sit behind tall people and crouch down...

Travelling into London on the train with my husband and we discussed our individual wardobes. His shoes were bought, half price, from a shoe factory in Northampton. His socks were a Christmas present. His underpants came from a cheap store...

Medication, Medication, Medication. When I saw my mum on Saturday she was still asleep in her chair. She was asleep over lunch, during lunch and still nodding off when we left. Gums, legs, tongue and hand, not a game played...

I sat on my own foot whilst throwing away envelopes full of defunct accounting from 20 odd years ago. Found letters to me and him from the kid when she was tiny. Telling us how much she loved us, me,...

Last night I went to Somerset House to see a documentary film made by the Fully Focused community. We were all given a postcard on which was writ: 4 months of filming, 60 interviews across the UK, 200 hours of...

Cronealogically speaking I should know better. When you get to my age -over the hill, under the weather and round the bend - events should be taken in ones arthritic stride. As an old crone - the definition of which...

I have malachite water, salty water and eyebright water on my bathroom window sill. I am trying whatever I can to make this eye better. I have homeopathic remedies, hospital letters, Dartford healers and a box of tissues. I am...

I went into Homebase. A free-standing-shelf-unit was under offer at half price, just the thing for B's new flat. The display model required dismantling before we could take it home. 'HOMEBASE' is a DIY emporium. 'Could it be dismantled'. Jim...

We have green grass. We have white snowdrops. We have ferns and trees and lots of little seedy balls hanging about the place which the birds are nibbling on. I can see all these things because the snow has melted....

I'm still crunching on the snow. A five minute drive into TWells and you could be forgiven for thinking that the snow was just a figment of my fertile imagination. Massive thanks to LV for your info on malachite. I...

The snow is crunchy under my wellies. I leave the house and walk to the studio, through the garden, pull off my wellies put on my slippers that Lozzie bought me for the flat, turn the radiator up, switch on...

Yesterday we arrived at my mothers flat at 1.00. God's Gift drove us, we both had bellies full of porridge, he with milk me with water. We didn't eat again until 6.30 when I bought a bag of Cheese and...

New York was sunny. Cold. Snowy. Sunny. Rainy. Noisy. Fabulous. And when I have slept off the jet lag I'll tell you about weddings and oysters, libraries and dragons. Right now I cant keep my eyes opezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

New York was sunny. Cold. Snowy. Sunny. Rainy. Noisy. Fabulous. And when I have slept off the jet lag I'll tell you about weddings and oysters, libraries and dragons. Right now I cant keep my eyes opezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

New York was sunny. Cold. Snowy. Sunny. Rainy. Noisy. Fabulous. And when I have slept off the jet lag I'll tell you about weddings and oysters, libraries and dragons. Right now I cant keep my eyes opezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Last year on January 14th Gods Gift took his bow along with Toby Young, Denise Gough and the rest of the cast of THE PAINTER, which debuted at the new Arcola in Hackney. At 10.10 precisely, the curtain came down...

The ending of the spending is in sight. I bought myself a big red page-a-day diary. I bought myself some purple nail varnish. I bought myself some cinnamon capsules. In the middle of which my phone went and I got...

The wind is up again. Gusty gusts that make the trees hummmmm. I posted off Susie Pearls book to a friend, it is the best gift to anybody who wants to rearrange their life. I sent it from the little...

MERRY YULETIDE TO YOU ALL. Have a peaceful holiday. I am working Christmas eve, 3-7 on BBC London. Then sitting in for Vanessa from Boxing Day for a week. Do join me. I dont know about you but this year...

I look forward to 'Strictly Come Dancing', I really do. I was invited to go today to a recording of the show but family bits got in the way. I like the judges, the music, the costumes and the dancing,...

It's one minute to three in the afternoon but it feels like midnight in Umeå 400 kilometers, which is 248.5 miles South, of the Arctic Circle. Its grey, dark, and the wind has a malevolent whip about it. I'm cosied...

Todays soup was leek and potato without the potato, I used flagelot beans instead. I was joined by Allie Stewrat, so called by a misprint, should have read Stewart.... The old man is soldering silver goblets together, they were as...

Everything comes to those who wait and shout the loudest. After months of yelling and compromising, after months of crying and beating my head against a brick telephone finally I have what, we hope, will be a beacon of light...

Vanessa Feltz was unwell. I got the call on Wednesday night. Dressed myself in jeans and jacket and took the early morning train to London Bridge. Mangled brain slowed down for a minute and reminded me to take the Jubilee...

This morning I set my alarm for 7.00 Leapt out of bed, okay teetered out of bed, abluted then dressed in track suit bottoms, two jumpers and my new fancy Gortex-plus-whatever-else-they-put-in-walking-shoes, walking shoes. Stumbled to the car and drove ten...

I am not in any way criticising the NHS, they have enough troubles without me complaining about the closure of The Kent and Sussex Hospital, now anybody with an ailment will have to travel miles to a space station somewhere...

I don't know whether I'm Carmen or Cohen as the Jewish nun said. Backwards and forwards, some sleep, no sleep, more sleep less. Roses are red violets are blue I'm of two minds and so am I. I don't know...

I have on thick green socks, snazzy jim-jams and a big woollen cardigan my mother knitted for me when I was pregnant 24 years ago. The arms are for very tall primates whilst the rest of the garment could envelope...

First show back after two weeks out. No vacation just unpacking and more unpacking. Le Studio, at the bottom of the garden, looks like a boot fair. Gods Gift has taken to making pink apple juice every day with the...

Brighton today played host to Muslims, Jews, Asians, West Indians, Alcoholics, Cockneys, Northerners, OAP's, babies, and dogs. There were mountains of bodies. The red of skin, white of skin, the tanned of skin and the burnt of skin. There were...

The apples on my trees are so big that the branches are almost touching the ground. God Forbid you hit your head on a Bramley you could be taken out for days. HAPPY NEW YEAR, to my Jewish Framily. Happy...

So the rain rains, the sun shines and Amy, our new land girl, is attacking the mint which has taken over the garden like a Triffid. She is bonny and quick, youthful and tattooed. No dragons that I know of,...

Stress does funny things. For me it twists my spine makes my toes fizz, gives me a headache, lower back ache and a right royal pain in the derrier. So I went to the wonderful James Bibby at Stuart Korth's...

This morning I had my virgin commute to 'This Morning'. Not literally I didn't go on one of Mr.Bransons beasts but it was my first trip into town as a normal human being.... Set two alarms, when the first radio...

And so I can feel my energy returning. From not being able to put one foot in front of the other I have managed to start seeing, smelling and feeling again. Yesterday two women I haven't had in my kitchen...

Today I had a bath at lunchtime. Haven't done that for years. Lay in the foamy water and forgave myself for my inability to do anything, anything at all. Not even look for the book that gives instructions for my...

As the 'oosbind and dawter watch Komodo dragons eat their way through a dying water buffalo it's time for an update. The cellar is full of unwanted kitchen equipment, plates, bowls, tureens, sieves, knives, forks, big spoons, little spoons and...

Boxes boxes everywhere and ne're an inch to think. The trilling of the dawn chorus - ooh! I'd forgotten how loud it is here in East Sussex. After three moves we're nearly out. I've still got my duvet, bathroom pots...

The television has gone from the corner of the sitting room. The rug, the pictures, the clock, the big table, the armchair, the cushions, the colour, the mirrors, the atmosphere. The room is very big and beige. So big that...

The bedroom has three red cases full of tops and t-shirts. A black suitcase full of bathroom bottles and a huge hockey bag filled with towels and bath mats, pillow cases and fitted sheets. The little angel that hung on...

Worra time of it. A moving of the clothes A moving of the clothes A moving of the clothes Oh! A moving of the clothes... I've been listening to Steel Eye Span!!!! For the last eight days I have been...

Gods Gift drove us to a 70th birthday do at THE GROVE in Watford. Imagine twenty very noisy friends and family. Imagine a dining hall full of tables with the same. Imagine people who like to eat seated round those...

Sarah Laleham's comments about me leaving LBC was a bit harsh I thought. Do read them dear bloggers and wonder, like I did, who Ms Murray is? It always intrigues me when somebody writes a nasty cyber blog why they...

Soho makes me into one person, Battersea into another and then when I'm home in East sussex I transmogrify into the East End country bumpkin I really am. It's 12.30 am, and eleven hours earlier I was in Brighton cheering...

Since Tuesday I have been treating a watering eye. I've used up more tissues than a tikker tape parade on the fourth of July in downtown Manhattan. I've had these drops and those drops, the other drops and then the...

It's Wednesday and I'm still looking as glam as hell having just arrived from 'This Morning', where I was doing the papers with James Whale. God I miss LBC. But I was dumped in a taxi to go to Farringdon...

MBT's make me look like a sumo wrestler. They are the heaviest shoes in the world and I don't mean that in a jazzy hip way. I mean it in a blimy-what-are-those-wierd-things-on-your-feet-kind of way. Maasai Barefoot Technology is based on...

A huge demonstration in Hyde Park, commemorating the Massacre of Sikhs in 1984 filed past me. The old, the young, the bearded and the bejewelled, marched under the huge trees. I cried as swathes of orange turbaned people marched together....

23.39 Saturday night, the air is balmy and I have three days of journals to write, accounts to do, and some sleep to fit in before tomorrows show. Today has been, like the rest of last week, as busy as...

On my 21st Sunday Show I had Judy James, body language expert, who is so smart she manages to make politics as accessible as 'The Beano'. Bill Oddie, talking about being bi-polar, generously revealing all about himself which enabled you...

I hoovered upstairs. He hoovered downstairs. I ironed and did the washing, he made a bacon sandwich. I plumped up the cushions in the sitting room he fed the cat. Then he left and I loaded my car with my...

I'm sitting in for Vanessa for two weeks so I have taken this week out to be at home. It's been lovely. All three of us have been here, the daughter and husband have been writing and I've been reading...

Sooooooooo. Open toed sandals are not allowed. Sooooooooo. Black tee shirts are not allowed. Sooooooooo. Spelling my name incorrectly and offering me a pair of shoes that are two sizes too big and a green builders waistcoat are compensation are...

Hello all, it feels like life is on the move again. This morning I fitted in all my crancological needs including making a large pot of porridge with cinnamon and healthy sweetener. The car arrived a little late but this...

Tuesday and I've just got locked into Aston and Cameron being romantically involved in Las Vega. If I were Demi I would be ever so slightly perturbed at my husbands antics. Still thats Hollywood for ya. Today I went on...

Last night I danced the night away with EMMA LEECH and 17 other people at the Royal Academy for Dance on Vicarage Road in Battersea. Emma teaches the 'Five Rhythms', to people like me, young offenders and recovering addicts in...

Ain't it the way. Went to bed at 10.00 last night. Fell asleep almost immediately. Woke up at 11.58. Fell asleep almost immediately. Woke up at 5.00 Fell asleep nearly immediately. Woke up at 7.28 and I had overslept. I...

Threw fifty quid into the dustbin. Will it still be there when I get home? Does it mean that deep down I think money is dirty? Or has the stress of the wedding, Bank Holiday Monday, birthdays, mothers and meetings...

Watcha Peeps. The wedding, the holidays, the sun, the wind, the travel, the family. I have been caught up in so much tooing and froing that watching the snooker tonight - something I have never done - felt positively exhilarating,....

So much has happened between now and then that I don't know whether I am coming or going. I have had in incredibly silly reaction to the London air having come back from the cottage. Sneezing, itching, coughing and then...

I had a delicious walk through Regents Park, past full blown blossom, huge chestnut trees, cranes on the canal bank, noisy mallards, a Mosque, picnics full of orthodox Jews celebrating passover, toy dogs and several lunchers eating their sandwiches in...

Walking back from the BBC is glorious in this weather. Meandering through Soho and down to St. James Park, the ducks quacking, the sun shining, the tourists ambling, the open topped buses passing. The Union Jacks flying on Regent Street...

Hmm. Jean, I took my antibacterial drops, a compress of potato, some homeopathic remedies - not magic beans Jean - real live remedies bought from a real live pharmacy- and....the conclusion Jean is that the potato and the remedies did...

There was I writing speeches and listening to Trevor Silvester a lot. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue, without any warning, with out a bye-or-leave I get struck down with conjunctivitis. The only thing I know...

My return to London started from Eridge, a one track station, down the hill from the cottage. The 9.51, a train with six coaches coloured a kind of eau-de-nil type green, arrived on time as the birds shouted out about...

Housewiffery is on the agenda today. Sometimes I don't mind it, today its alright as it's the only thing that will warm me up. I couldn't sleep so I watched Jessica Double Thingy simper her way through 'Sex in the...

When the alarm bellowed at me I literally leapt out of bed. At six in the morning there is no point in arguing with John Humphries. Collected my shorts and vest from the utility room, rolled up a clean towel,...

First I watch the BBC news at 6.00 Then I watch The ITV news at 6.30. Libya, Japan and energy companies who have us by the short and curlies. Then I watch Corrie. Then I watch University Challenge. 'WE ARE...

From Uttapam to chocolate cake. From the Number 24 bus route to a taxi to shake the frost bite off. I cannot believe how cold everything is. I cannot believe how disoriented I feel. Is it the Super Moon? Is...

I went back to Yoga yesterday. The bliss of it. I couldn't make the day sessions so drove to the 5.00 p.m. class. I had been up since before 7.00 organising my new regime. It meant shopping in ASDA, forgive...

The old git started up the car, I loaded one wash bag into the boot, and off we went. After twenty minutes sitting in a traffic jam on Battersea Bridge, and a further fifteen minutes filling up the petrol tank,...

Just because the sun is out doesn't make it warm. This morning whilst walking to Clapham Junction my breathe hung in the air like little clouds of white crystals. It was cold. Actually it was very cold. The sun shone...

The show was fun yesterday. You can listen to four of us playing the kazoo on the BBc repeat thingy. Do listen its very funny. I went home, an impromptu visit. Me, the old git, the daughter and the sunshine,...

The show was fun yesterday. You can listen to four of us playing the kazoo on the BBC repeat thingy. Do listen its very funny. I went home, an impromptu visit. Me, the old git, the daughter and the sunshine,...

Is it six days since I blogged! Blimey doesn't time fly when you're being Vanessa. The week flew. My nephew Dan's postie listened to the weeks broadcasts his verdict thus: Monday she was ropey. Tuesday she was better. Wednesday she...

What a difference a ray makes. Everybody is smiling. Coats hanging over arms, sweaters off, jackets folded. Even the bus driver was chirpy. Februry 25th and it feels like we're coming out of the gloom. I know that tomorrow is...

W all need stability don't we? With everything that is going on the Middle East, and what with the weather and unusual occurrences we all need stability? Well I do at least. So today, given that I was being Vanessa,...

You must read Kate Hardy's blog. She is a terrific writer . Makes me laugh and cry. You will love her. So how have you dealt with the biggest, most furious full moon this side of sanity. I have been...

It's 16.51. We have just come up from the cottage. I hate saying 'coming up from the country' makes me sound SOOOOO POSH. However, Jim drove me, for reasons I will explain later. I drove home on Monday and the...

From osteopths to facials. From hygenists to eye tests. The organising of my life and my mothers has consumed me. I am back in the cottage. The snow drops have bloomed and the guttering needs mending. Driving back to London...

Thank you all for your comments about the 'O' word. I have been giving it a lot of thought. I am like a reformed smoker who can smell smoke three streets away. Because I was so huge - not pleasingly...

What does size have to do with anything you ask. Well speaking as a person who has fought with her weight since 1949 I can tell you it has everything to do with everything. We live in a society that...

Whiskey and water help to ease my head that feels like its caught in a vice. Joanna, as usual you misunderstand me. But hey ho you too are part of the process. My mother has pink cheeks tonight and two...

Ron Mueck is an Australian hyperrealist sculptor he started as a model maker and puppeteer for children's television and films. I saw his sculptor, 'Dead Dad', a few years ago and it stayed with me. It's a tiny version of...

I've just heard a Northern expression from Sybil. 'Cry more pee less' Well if thats anything to go by then I'll be out of the bathroom for a fortnight. I don't know whether it's the moon, whether it's the Year...

Bikram this morning. My balance is coming, it's very exciting. Even had a shower in the communal showers. I pretended that I looked like all the young women with their Brazilians. Even though I know I look like an old...

BBC LONDON 94.9 for those of you who dont know where I am. I am doing my fourth show this Sunday with Toby Jones, the actor. You can call 020 7244 2000 I think thats the number, twitter me, facebook...

Gods Gift is in London. The cat is stretched out on the back of the armchair. I have boxed up 29 years of telly videos ready to be transferred to CD's. Saw the osteopath. Saw the homeopath. Made a big...

London feels so different on a Saturday. Maybe it's because I feel relaxed. Although this morning I woke up having had a day yesterday. I haven't been in my Bikram studio for three days - death, life and mothers have...

Felt quite like old times. I left the flat at 9.15 prepared to walk into the centre of London. I hadn't banked on the the temperature. I only had on nine items of clothing. Two socks. Two trainers. One knicker....

From funeral parlours to social workers. From too many bagels to rose tubor baths. from too much chat. Too much noise. To not enough space. Missed Bikram today but at least my mother is ok. There are funny stories surrounding...

Drove to Hertfordshire. Took my seat on the green settee whilst four of us were talked through an average, common or garden, British funeral. Four thousand pounds later four of us were at each others throats. From limos to hearses...

The hours and minutes felt longer today. Like stretching plasticine. Had fifteen minutes to get to Bal-Ham. Bik- ram rocked. For some reason I could get my head on my knee, my heel in my groin and my foot in...

It is not possible to live a life on sausages, mash, peas, gravy yorkshire pudding, all washed down with half a Guinness, and then expect to feel great. I spent all Sunday afternoon sleeping. Jim and I watched THE BANKSY...

Had the gentlest of driver this morning. I meditated in the back until we arrived at Egton House. He said he only worked for the BBC and all the people were lovely. Well i can't spoeak for all of them...

Sunday looms. I need to sleep, and relax before tomorrows show. Doing one a week is harder than every day. Need the regularity to work out the wrinkles. I have to psych myself up. The old git and me went...

The call came at 9.45. had just listened to Giles Brandreth on Desert Island Discs. He's one of the reasons I could never vote Tory. I dressed quickly in dark, sober clothes. Not deliberately but because that was how I...

Woke to a text from Paul Hollywood. The delicious baker always called me Nan after his grandmother who rode a bicycle in Liverpool and smelled of wee..... I loved his bake-off programme if I can bribe him with enough airtime...

Drove the car belonging to Gods Gift, he was still in bed when I left. It was so good driving something that worked. My little Red Nellie is still in the garage all her parts were held up because of...

It's 20.37 and I feel sick. And here's why. Two little pots of prune yoghurt. 7 fish balls and peas with tomato sauce. Two pickled onions. 34 almonds. A mozzarella, tomato and aubergine ciabatta. Two coffees A drive to East...

I am wearing my purple SCHLOMPER SUIT, my purple furry slippers, and nowt else. I have been wearing my purple ensemble all day. But let me take you back to a frosty night in East Sussex - God it was...

Christmas day was full of ice Sunday day was drippy Boxing day was full of fog And yesterday was slippy The Christmas tree is leaking pine The mistletoe has wilted The Christmas cake is but a crumb And the stilton...

Boxing day, Sunday the day after the one before. HAPPY FESTIVITIES to you all. I shall write a proper blog when there's a reduction of bodies in the house. If you are ill, get well soon. If you are full;...

Brrrrr I jumped in a taxi in Leicester Square. The roads were practically empty. Went to see TRUE GRIT, the COEN BROTHERS new film with JEFF BRIDGES and the most irritating young actress I have seen in years. Mr. Bridges,...

Thank you all for your embraceable comments. It really is like getting a distant hug. I'm on to my second mug of lemon water. I've juiced two halves separately and am drinking it between avocados, herbal supplements and meditation. The...

The reason I am writing this today is to tell you, hold on a minute I just want to tell you about 'ROLANDAS' the best clothes shop in town. Battersea Square, Sheila, who looks like a model, growls like a...

I drove to Boreham Wood and collected my mother. I used Dan the Man, my lovely nephew as Sat Nav. It took hardly 25 minutes to get to the Jewish Cemetery in Bushey. I parked the Jacmobil in a disabled...

Reality telly is killing me. I watched 'Strictly Come Mincing', 'Z' Factor, Jungle capers then re-logged the fire so I could stay up and watch 'DESPICABLE ME. My first Bafta film of the year. I loved it. B, the old...

Bill knocked at 8.00, brought in his industrial strength drain cleaner and proceeded to battle the bulge in the kitchen u-bend. Bill won. My feet are cold. But I am going to wrap up warm and walk to Victoria....

I'm told that waking up at four is what creatives do. I'm also told that waking up at four is what depressants do. I'm also told that four is when Chinese medicine says there's an energetic peak in the lungs......

The air feels like Christmas. The lights in Oxford Street, FRANKS coffee shop off Carnaby Street, the Number 19 bus. Everything felt like it was poised for something new. Mind you one cup of Frank's coffee and I'm full of...

No, of course I am not joining The Jungle Capers. I would no more go into the jungle with creeps and bugs, not to mention the insects, even if they offered me £3 million pounds. JENNY ECLAIR, has gone into...

It may have been jet-lag, or the fog. It may have been clearing the flat. Too many boxes of shoes. It may have been adjusting to the cold or dealing with my anger at the smugness of the coalition. It...

When the thunder clapped and the sheet lighting struck I swear we all held our heads. When the rain came onto the upstairs balcony and the wind threw the water bottle about I swear I thought Hurricane Catastrophe had hit....

Last night the rain started in the wee small hours. I was reading and Jim was trying to make friends with a tree frog that had inadvertently got himself stuck to our bedroom floor. A spider was busy spinning its...

The Pacific in front of me, coconut trees to the left of me, banana trees to the right, the old git wearing nothing but some factor 20 and the daughter embalmed with Vera's Aloe.. Today is Wednesday 20th of October,...

When the man started talking to me at 7.00 I was confounded by his intrusion, I then realised it was the radio. As the story unfolded I marveled at the excellence of humanity, a whole country behind a handful of...

I woke up this morning with my left , lower, back muscle in spasm. There are thems that say its the stress coming out. There are thems that say its the detoxing. There are thems that say its because I...

Phoned the bank to check out we had travel insurance. Having given the wrong security details my call was blocked. A very nice Scottish lad helped me out. Resetting the security number and advising me not to use birthdays or...

There's an undulating discomfort in the bottom of my belly, and it's not the mung bean soup, it's the thought I will have to give up my lovely flat. 'It's only a building.' says George. 'Don't get so attached.' says...

I fasted yesterday.Not for religious reasons but because I am getting my body used to cooked food again. I have been totally raw since April first, no joke let me tell you. But over six months it has done wonders...

First there was the dresser. Then there was the pantry. Today I set about spicing up my life. I bought three little boxes and two mug type containers. Stripped one cupbarod of Macadamia Oil, Sesame Oil and Vegetable Oil -...

After days of rain the sun finally came out today. I put on a pair of 505 Levi Jeans, and a t-shirt courtesy of my neighbour Jonathan's boot fair clothing line. I jumped into my little red car and drove...

Duddleswell Cheese is a creamy white concoction made from sheeps milk. I bought some from the Old Spot Farm shop when I went to collect another batch of gluten free chicken sausages. That's dinner tonight. Whilst driving I listened to...

I've just driven from Seven Oaks. Dropped the daughter off, she is finally making her own way in London. The operation was on August 7th, so her recovery has been remarkable. She is a little like me, more like the...

Tom Jones was on 'Desert Island Discs'. this morning. The old git and I lay in bed and listened as Sir Tom played a selection of music that, although not always my taste, indicated what a brilliant geezer he was....

Funerals, in the movies, always have rain streaming down. Big, fat droplets falling on umbrellas as the family huddle round the grave. Yesterday I wept on my ironing, I wept on my cooking I wept on my pyjamas as the...

It's already tomorrow and I haven't been to bed yet. I went to North London early this morning. Victoria Tube Station was jam-packed with commuters standing, long-faced, at the ticket barriers, as the screens showed hoards of morning travellers shoving...

I have had a really bad stomach upset over the last two days. Nobody told me that the remedy contained morphine...The result is I am dry of mouth, bleary of eye and concrete of stomach. The last few days have...

I've taken Arnica, rubbed arnica cream into it, taken three Neurofen and am sitting on an ice pack. I tripped by Battersea Square as I was thinking about a girl who had tripped in Battersea Square.... I cried and thought...

In the middle of brushing my teeth the telephone rang. 7.40a.m. and my personal trainer had arrived early. Dripping with blue toothpaste I let her in, finished my ablutions then set about learning how to use a dumbell. I'll end...

Better late than never. I have just watched 'Roger and Val' with Fred Molina and Dawn French. I think it is wonderfully funny, poignant, well written, tastefully acted and a must see. I even bothered to watch it on BBC...

I interviewed a writer who gets up at 5.00 every morning, writes for three hours, takes a walk on the Heath, then writes a bit here and there throughout the day. I need to follow in her footsteps, but I...

The flat is awful quiet after three weeks away. You would have thought that nearly a month in the country would have been peaceful and full of nightingales and cream teas As it is I had thee weeks of hospitals,...

From osteopath to MRI. From MRI to hospital. From the fracture ward to the neurological centre. From the single room to the operating theatre. From 10.59 to 5.21 on the operating table. From Sunday without Morphine to Tuesday without Wolferine...

I did my work out after midnight. Groaning into the burn was a blessed release. The cottage was sleeping. Bee, fitfully, Jim cautiously. I couldn't rest. I set the alarm for 5.30. Watching my daughter hobble, her dropped foot dragging...

Whilst the world spins I am in a spin trying to get my daughter better. The old man's back is mending but B's foot is still dead. An MRI scan on Wednesday, and hospital consultations with Doctors who have about...

Getting used to being in my home, as a holiday location, has been diffilcukl but actually easier than I thought. The sky is low and heavy but the temperature is warm and calm. The old mans back is getting better...

The old git's chipped a bone on his spine. Knackered his back. The daughter has trapped a nerve, knackered her back. The mother has scarred her lung, knackered her back. Back to back problems which had me feeling desolate. I...

At 1.00 a.m. I'm not sure whether it's very late Tuesday night or very early Wednesday morning. I'm getting that end of term thing you get just before you break up for the summer holidays. I have to be careful...

It's Saturday in London. Somehow the energy always feels different to a weekday. The sky is a hard blue with brillo-pad clouds. I've done my exercises, pulling in my stomach as best I can after a night of flax crackers....

This morning I left early. I put on white trousers, that are now way to big, a white t-shirt that within two minutes was smeared with lipstick whilst putting it over my head, my Nike Free 3 trainers that make...

It's only Tuesday and it already feels like the middle of next week. This evening I went to see TOY STORY 3. Imagine an audience of young, trendy media folk and me. imagine an audience with paper and pens, ready...

Just how much can a girl fit into a day? Robin Wlliams, The Mayor of London, The Duchess of Cornwall, Safe houses in Sheperds Bush, 'The Railway Children' at Waterloo Station, the 'oosbind, the daughter in Hackney, the mother it...

The weekend went by in a flash. Bella's birthday on Thursday, John's birthday on Friday, Anitas birthday bash on Saturday, Nick's birthday on Sunday, Sasha and Brigits birthday today, Barbara's on Wednesday, Louis' on Friday, Thank God Hilda died otherwise...

How do you prepare to interview ROBIN WILLIAMS? You don't sleep, you read until 2.15a.m. You have a shower wash your hair, put on some lipstick, a pair of dungarees and believe that he has to be a decent human...

Worra nother day this has been. Up early, the call, from the wandering troubadour to inform me when he would be arriving, came in at 9.00. 15 minutes later I left in HIS car to go to Liverpool Street. I...

The daughter put her hand on my shoulder at 7.30 this morning, I had actually been up but had fallen back to sleep, she jiggled me awake. I put on the same clothes as yesterday, packed a little shoulder bag...

19.34. Football, tennis, meetings, chat. taxis, heat, almonds, silence. Worra a day this has been, it was a heavy show I got so angry about factory farming. We are, if we're not careful, going to turn into the dustbin of...

First of all let me say thank you for your messages. I AM FINE. Although the last ten days have been more than a little testing It's been mechanical mash up, daughter mash up, emotional mash up, not to mention...

Yes, Rhiannon, St. Nicholas's Church is still functioning as a church. Yes Adrian, you naked on a bike feels me with dread!! I have had a very emotional weekend. what with one thing and another. Today I mowed the lawn,...

It's Tuesday. The old git is in Ireland, it's tipping it down and he's performing in the open air at Trinity College in Dublin. Last night they had to put plastic bags in their shoes - 16th century garb I...

Friday night's drive back to East Sussex was nowhere near as bad as I had anticipated. Jim drove my little red car home and I collected my mother in his. It's smoother, sleeker, more comfortable for an 88 year old...

Gardening is not really my thing. I love my garden but get deeply frustrated at the continual need for weeding and the like. The irony is that I have green fingers. if I plant it it grows. My mother has...

Vanity is the curse of the moneyed age-ed. Take yours truly. I have been working with Errol Denton, and of course my acupuncturist, on getting my blood sugar down. I went to see him on March 31st, on April Fools...

Lib-Lab-Lab-Lib-Lib-Con-Con-trick, its all ridiculous posturing from a band of boys who want to get into Number 10. Do they really care about us? Do they really care about the country or is it just a mish-mash of egos desperately trying...

19.53. My hands, nose and feet are cold. i've turned the heating up full. The 'oosbind has turned it back down again. We spent the weekend in the cottage. I took the train - 3.45 - from Charing Cross on...

Have just come in from The Tricycle Theatre in Kilburn. The 'oosbind and I went to see FILTER theatre group doing their version of TWELTH NIGHT. A riotous evening of music, physical theatre, good humour, the Bard, good acting and...

The ceonathus along the riverside walk is in full bloom I had to take a photograph. American Lilac is its common name but there's nothing common about the blueness of those delicious flowers. The Wisteria along Cheyne Walk, especially on...

Ten days before the General Election and only God and the 'Daily mail' know which way it will land. I'm voting in Battersea, the 'oosbind is voting in East Sussex whilst Bee is voting for the first time, we've had...

Its been a week full of meetings, meals and merry making. Monday found me eating greens beans with garlic and olive oil in the ALICE HOUSE in West Hampstead. A gaggle of wise women celebrating a birthday. I left at...

At 6.30 this morning I jumped out of bed and put the heating on, as I write my hands are sporting little frozen fish fingers. Yesterday I had to buy a new rucksack. Into BLACKS I went on Buckingham Palace...

The Delicious Miss DAHL is dribbling on in the background. My birthday roses are faded and papery, Battersea is dark and quiet, and my journals need writing up. This Easter has been big and fond, family and fun. We played...

Wednesday morning I took the 8.15 -170 bus - nowhere to sit, although a lovely young hero offered me his seat. I preferred to stand as I had to drink 1.5 litres of water before I arrived at Destination ERROL...

THANK YOU ALL for your lovely birthday messages, cards and comments. Edinburgh was grey - sometimes sunny - but mostly grey and COLD and sometimes WINDY. But it was good to be with the old git. And I enjoyed my...

As you would expect, one day away from LBC and I've come down with whatever the nasty viral thing is. Headache, stomach, blocked nose. But I've been to the huge supermarket in Boreham Wood and bought provisions for our trip...

To all of you who supported me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. The old git gave me 8/10, which for him is remarkable. Thank you all for your lovely messages of support. Thank You Marmite for shlepping all the way from...

I spent all this morning working on Radlett. Then took myself to Battersea Square for a pear juice and three outfits from ROLANDA for Radlett. Then came back to the flat and had a salad and a phone call about...

THANK YOU to all of you who have got back to me about RADLETT. The pressure to be fabulous when there are only 17 in the audience makes for adrenal burn out.... I look forward to everybody who is coming...

THE FORGEWOOD BARN is a new eatery hidden in Eridge. I went back home to the cottage early this morning and got caught in Crystal Palace bumpers. By the time I arrived the snow drops had flowered. Opened up three...

My lovely Shakeel came round this evening to talk about a new outfit for Radlett. He's got until the 21st to stitch me together. And there I was looking at myself when I whispered to Shakeel, I asked him whether...

Haggis for tea. Haggis for tea. Haggis and spinach for Jim and for me. Telly with tea. Telly with tea. Telly with haggis for Jim and for me. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture with haggis and spinach for...

Tamsin Greig, Harry Lloyd, Gemma Arterton, and Rupert Friend, stood on the stage at THE Garrick Theatre and entertained a good house in THE LITTLE DOG LAUGHED. Written by Douglas Carter Beane, now I was tired so I really was...

HOWARD GOODALL, the composer, talked to me from a school in Kennington. He has got 30,000 schools on board to become musical establishments. Today is 'National Sing Up day'. Teachers joining in and children standing proud as they open their...

The 'oosbind of thirty odd years left for Warwickshire this morning. He took a bag of clothes, a basket of wine bottles and his lap top. He left at 9.30 and gave me a perfunctory scratch with his Royale. Thats...

I've just come in from 'The Wolseley', the posh restaurant next to the Ritz. I was treated to liver and bacon courtesy of a wonderful man I have known for years. He works for a publishing house and represents Jackie...

Battersea Bridge is taking the brunt of the traffic. Albert bridge is closed and my taxi driver, this evening, told me that it cost £39.50 to get from Kensington to Leicester Square, he feels sorry for his fares! Miles of...

So I got there early having been to a caff next door where I downed the biggest baked potato since the famine, more baked beans than Heinz, a coconut cake and a pot of Earl Grey tea. The proprietor called...

I had a massage last night which included a guided meditation and a re-arranging of my ankle. This morning it hurt so much I had to take three Nurofen. By this afternoon the pain and misery of months seems to...

Everything is fine. This morning a big, plump South African rung my bell. He came upstairs and with notebook in hand, took down fastidious notes about cleaning my carpets. Then a young man from the Far east, and I don't...

Thanks to all of you callers today. Jonno thinks I should be taken off the airways and that I should ask for forgivenss for my views on the MMR vaccine. I like being on the airwaves, making waves, trying to...

Thank you all for your supportive comments. I think this blogging lark is remarkable, even if I am a twit when it comes to the workings of it. I watched a wonderful documentary about the world wide web, the internet,...

I slept in until 9.15 this morning. Booked the man to clean my oven. Left my phone to discharge itself. Took the 170 to Victoria. The tube to Leicester Square. Felt like I was made out of India rubber, it...

The old git doesn't get in until after eleven. He's been thrashing out his servant at 'The Lyric', Hammersmith. The first half of 'The Three Sisters' is not good, the second half better. By the time he gets home he...

When the old git dies I'm setting up home with Jeff bridges. Ewan McGregor can polish my pantry and George Clooney can do whatever he likes. 'Men Staring at Goats' is a wonderful film and so is the Prince Charles...

Apart from talking to Roger Reese and Sir Ian Mckellan, wonderful men who made me miss being an actress, I talked to people about what they fed their pets. An article in the newspaper shone the spotlight on the tins...

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

The old git is in 'The Three Sisters' at The Lyric in Hammersmith, he's playing the same part that Eric Sykes played. He never shares anything about the production so I have no idea what he's doing,how he's doing it...

Today I shouted on air. I shouted about £2.5bn of our tax payers money being abused. Taken from Universities so that it can be spent on what? A Trident perchance? A bloody missile that nobody can use. I want my...

I just gave in and ignored all the weather warnings. 6.00 a.m. start. 6.30 - '170' to Victoria. Victoria-Green Park -Leicester Square-Charing Cross. 7.15 to Tonbridge. Taxi to Tunbridge Wells. Breakfast in 'Carluccios'. Met up with B who had gingerly...

The 170 bus drove remarkably smoothly to Victoria. I made an executive decision that whilst there would be no grit in St. James Park it would be worth a punt. I was right. The ice had melted under the bridges...

Why do I get so worried about snow? I have a Swede staying with me who thinks we Brits are drips. He works in the North of Sweden in temperatures of -36. LBC reacted to the severe weather warnings which...

Sunday January 3rd and I'm all set to go. My new decade resolution is to write for three hours every day. Malcom Bradwell in the 'Outfliers' says that it takes 10,000 hours to become a genius. So by his reckoning...

The rain it raineth every day. The sky is grey. The dustmen have finally been and taken away most of 2009's Christmas. The fridge is bare. The plumber has been to cast his eye over the bathroom. The heater blew...

Yesterday was the Kings Road. Lunch in 'Pauls' hot milk with a dash of hazelnut syrup, a baguette and a shared pear flan. We bought gifts for some but not all. Today was Northcott Road. Lunch in an Italian. Earl...

I must go to bed soon, am up at sparrows fart to get to LBC Towers early to interview Catherine Tate. I've eaten the last of the fish pie and a persimmon/sharon fruit or kaka depending on where you were...

Dinner last night comprised four young people, two old people, one cat and several dead fishes. The smoked cod and salmon were scorched in hot milk they shared the pan with one BIG onion, some garden carrots, celery, parsley and...

Delia is making Christmas special with her hot oven and roasting pan, Jim's looking for publicity pics for me on HIS computer, the cottage is 51 miles away and the last of the washing is in. The daughter stayed, slept...

Tuesday has been strangely long. It feels like I have packed an awful lot into a very short time. But Tuesday was the way of all my days starting at 7.00 and finishing a little time before 2.00. I liked...

The cottage is gleaming due to my new treasure Caro. I haven't seen it yet, and I won't until next weekend. My garden is overgrown owing to the fact that Anna has swine flu. We wish her well. My left...

The cottage is gleaming due to my new treasure Caro. I haven't seen it yet, and I won't until next weekend. My garden is overgrown owing to the fact that Anna has swine flu. We wish her well. My left...

Its been tricky getting back into the swing of work. Yesterdays show was clunky and a bit doddery. Today I was up at 6.30. I meditated, with difficulty, stilling my mind was an effort. Then I put my OHI exercise...

This week has felt nearly restful. Being in my own home means I can see the cobwebs, weeds and unashamed mess around the edges. Having said that I have been to the beautician, the osteopath and Brighton. The journey from...

It's nightdress weather. Jim's at The Young Vic. I am in the sitting room wearing a victorian nightdress. I need to write but my eyes are as heavy as a sack of coal. The corner deli in Battersea Square sells...

By 9.30 'RISK IT FOR A BISCUIT' was finished. Goody and I hugged and off she went to visit her fiancee in Carshalton Hospital. I walked by the river, the sun warm the sky blue the air cold. Thought about...

Just got in from 'The Young Vic' where the old man is in a workshop production of 'Uncle Vanya.' Interesting. The cast are strong. A dreadful moment when one of the actors had to cook macaroni cheese in an onstage...

She's gone. The lodger has gone. The girl who locked herself in my spare room has finally gone. The funny little thing that made my life so difficult has taken her strange smell with her and gone. Some people rub...

There are so many leaves around that I await the train cancellations. Sunday in London consisted of up late and a shower. A long, hot shower which went cold in the middle because Jim put the tap on in the...

Yesterday I cried on air. The topic: the lack of after care for servicemen who arrive back in England having done tours of duty. Alcohol abuse amongst the youngest, depression and Trauma amongst the least educated, paranoia and anxiety amongst...

I had to pre-record Will Young this morning at 10.15. I hurumphed out of bed. Groggy, knackered, hungry and late. Only did the minimum prep and left the flat in time for the 8.45 170. IT WAS LATE. When the...

Cynical exercise or history in the making. It doesn't matter how it hangs thousands of people tuned in, turned up and turned on to Michael Jackson's 'THIS IS IT' the film of his last ever performance. 19 countries transmitted at...

23.40. Dark outside although there is a quarter moon. The new road lay out by St. Thomas's hospital is just a little confusing I nearly drove into the Plaza Hotel. Drove Bee back to Hackney. Right across London. Over Southwark...

The father of my daughter and I went to see 'End Game.' It was intense, cerebral, dark and worth a visit if you really know the play. Simon McBurney, he of 'Complicite' played one character, Mark Rylance, he of 'The...

Foster carers, Menopause, and the lap-top generation, not to mention Travis Payne, Michael Jackson's choreographer. That was on the menu today at LBC. I pre-recorded Travis, a little nervous as I'm not a Michael jackson nut, although I do appreciate...

So there's this reverend in Tunbridge Wells who says that playing Tina Turner at funerals is un-Christian and that the removal of sacred music is the beginning of the end. 'Death to Death' he said, he said he feels like...

Am I the only person in England who cares about the Postal workers, it felt like it today. After many of your calls this afternoon I can see why members of the CWU feel abandoned and lonely in their struggle...

I woke up this morning, looked at the golden leaves on the oak outside the bedroom window, and decided we should go to Sheffield Park and look at the turning leaves. So we climbed out of bed and after porridge...

The cold sun is shining on the cottage wall, even the clematis looks chilly. I have just come back from my Mr. Bibby who has finally taken my body in hand. Apparently the chiropractor re-activated an old sprain, that's been...

Thank you to all of you for your suggestions of drugs and care...I am off to my cranial osteopath on Saturday so hopefully my fat ankle will deflate. And yes I have read my audio blog myself glitches and all....

There has been chicken casserole and champagne going on. There has been Alison Moyet, Jackie Collins and The Cove all wonderful people. There has been so much pain from the wretched chiropractor that the cooking of the above and the...

With a salami sausage in one hand and four little oatcakes in the other it's a little tricky writing this blog, but here goes anyway. I have just come in from The National Theatre. A memorial evening for Ken Campbell....

22.21 Sunday Night. I am ashamed to say that the weekend is now 'Strictly Come Howsyourfather' then more rubbish with 'X Factor'. The weather was so lovely this weekend,but still the old git and meself had to go shopping in...

Where do I begin? Tomorrow I am going to a book launch in a cemetery! This evening I watched THE COVE about the slaughtering of dolphins, every September, in Taiji in Japan. Today we talked about Rape, Pets as Therapy...

Why did i write bout Jane Bergermeister? Because I think any information that comes to me that may illuminate our troubled times is worth a punt. Today I did travel, travel and more travel. Barcelona and me. Tonight I am...

http://theflucase.com/ is the website for Jane Bergermeister. Whatever you feel about conspiracy theories you must watch this video in the interests of your own health and your childrens. THE HABIT OF OBEDIENCE is what most of us have adopted in...

I met up with Nick Thorogood, quite by chance at The Ivy. He was there with his partner, an ex-teacher and a publisher. I perched on the arm of his hair, snaffled his olives - his partner said nothing -and...

I took the 4.15 train to Hastings, Jim met me at Tunbridge Wells station. We had intended doing the Friday night curry thing but in the event I was still husky and hoarse and the first thing that called when...

22.36 My throat is sore. My eyes are rheumy. My nose is so stuffed up I sound like a bunged up school boy. I had a great Sunday. Collapsed on Monday. Worse on Tuesday. Nearly buried on Wednesday. The bank...

1.48. I tried to put new batteries in my flat phones. By that I mean apartment phones not horizontal ones..... Got back from the Dorchester and the batteries had leaked acid everywhere. So now I have no phones at all....

I went and saw the Shawshank redemption. It started at seven thirty, I was eating falafal in Gaby's by seven fifty two. Why would anybody want to make a stage piece out of a perfectly brilliant film. I was embarrassed...

I'm toying with putting the boiler on. My feet are freezing even though I am wearing little white knitted sippers. My fingers are frozen, I refuse to resort to mittens and my nose has a cold tip like Jackson used...

Today I faced my own demons only to find that they were nothing but vain imaginings in my head. I LOVE THE NOLANS. they came into the studio and sang a cappella so beautifully the hairs stood up on my...

dear Paul, Thank you for your concern, the Neurofen worked, although I have to admit they are always a last resort. It's 8.15 and I've tried to watch Joanna Lumley being cat woman but it was less about the moggies...

I came into London on the 9.36 train having been to the dentist. 5 Nurofen later my mouth still felt like a wild pony had kicked me in the New Forest. Sounds like an anatomical euphemism. The show was not...

My bites still itch. My tan still shimmers. Wolfgang Amadeus continues to amaze. I have no food in the flat, but Wolfie's Requiem feeds the soul. I came back to London early, worried that I wouldn't be prepared for tomorrow,...

Two days have gone as quickly as a darting dragon fly. I interviewed Dr. MAX PEMBERTON on Friday, the last person to talk to me before I started my two week break. He is incredible. Tall, blonde, blue eyed, clever,...

I am reading the time. 22.25. Have been home an hour, eaten some home made ratattouille, watched 'Mock the Week' and the News. Compassion for the Lockerbie Libyan and free elections in Afghanistan. Bolt running to become the fastest man...

23.51. Two new clothes racks for the flat. Jim brought them to the Arcola and we loaded them into my little red Nellie. B and I ate a massive turkish meal, opposite the thatre, choked on cake and laughter then...

CLEA MYERS has written a book called TWEAK THE DREAM. It is a harrowing account of her struggle with addiction.The woman is full of grace. Today she came onto the show and made me cry with her courage and fortitude....

Driving back to the cottage of a Saturday morning....6a.m., nothing on the road. A little bit of radio, a lot of thinking. I had two parties two attend, one in Balcombe the other in Wimbledon, both lovely people, but I...

One pineapple. One avocado. Two crispbreads and butter. One bowl of Special K with milk. One glass of water with two vitimin c tablets - orange flavour. One helluva day. One big 6 foot bed. One night ahead. One more...

HAIRSPRAY. Not as good as the original cast but nevertheless a good night. SUPPER. Not as good as last night but nevertheless it filled my belly. LBC. Not as good as yesterday but nevertheless it filled the airwaves. JIM. Not...

Just because Ms Widdicombe is a politician it doesn't make her exempt from nerves. We come from opposite sides of the floor but she is a lovely woman. she is sitting in for James O'Brien who is on holiday this...

There was a man in my hair dressing salon this morning having his eyebrows dyed. I closed my eyes and listened to the fatuous conversation of the women around me. The vocabulary was straight out of an American sit-com. Whatever!...

I blitzed the bathroom, cleaned the fridge and talked to Sybil in LA-LA-land for a long time. Then I had a 'doughnut' peach, almonds, a mug of Heinz Tomato soup, a slither of onion and some crackers. Not necessarily in...

23.20. I walked over Battersea Bridge. The moon was so big and bright, the Albert Bridge so sparkly and pink the air so still, it was like being in a Nicholas Cage movie, I fully expected him to jump out...

My acupuncturist put cups on my back, needles in my feet and a cushion under my head. She said she had to re-direct energy from other parts of my body because I was so exhausted. Now I have no energy...

As I walked through the ticket barrier at Victoria tube station I was stopped by a security bloke. 'Show me your picture pass.' he said. I had no idea what he was talking about. 'Show me your ticket, id, your...

well I've just eaten a whole saucepan of cooked cauliflower, only half the colly mind you. Went to the YOUNG VIC to see THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE. An extraordinary piece. The writer went into a parlour of prostitutes, recorded them, and...

Rebecca Lenkiewicz’s adaptation of GHOSTS by IBSEN is intense, to say the least. The five actors perform in one little drawing room. The atmosphere oppressive and dark. The candles and gaslight that illuminates the last quarter of the play is...

Okay so many of us know about Alopecia, but how many of us know that jaw realignment can make the difference between a bald pate and a good head of hair. I was so shocked when Dr.Mohammed talked to me...

Dear Ann, as a matter of fact Siddhi is half Iitalian half Venezulan, she speaks four languages, has lived all over the world her last port of call was Hamburg. Does she call me 'Jeni the Jew?' No, but she...

When Tristram Stuart was born the angels must have known he was destined for great things. He is an inspiration. A maverick. A darn nice dude. A scavenger, activist, Cambridge Graduate, long-haired protester and a FREEGAN. So what is a...

Please forgive me for a moment I just have to change out of these clothes I've been strapped into all day; a pair of black leggings with pink flowers over a pair of shiny tight M&S keep you thinner pants,...

Dear June, yup women have always had to consider their age; too old to get married, too young to be respected, too old to be noticed, too young to be taken seriously, too old to be visible, too young to...

Dear Fee, I knew it was James Stewart in 'Rear Window', I can see his face and hear his voice. But I got caught up in something in the kitchen and Peckory Greg got top billing. Watching footage of Fern...

Jim pulls the curtains closed, I open them. Jim closes the curtains I open them, and so we play musical drapes. Our flat in Battersea is on the river, opposite loads of flats, next door to trees and round the...

This morning at 8.30 the new six foot bed arrived. Two big blokes refused tea, took away the old bed and left us with two tons of plastic wrapping and eight wheels that had to be pushed into the bed...

First things first, lets not go down the route of bullying each other again. Scientists have a place, natural practitioners have a place, parents have a say in what they do with their children. I have a say in what...

First it was movng all B's stuff from Brixton to East Sussex. I spent a whole day sorting socks, pants, bras, t-shirts, scarves, socks, t-shirts, pants, track suits, scarves and 53,000 trainers. From Battersea to Brixton from Brixton to East...

I walked in really fast this morning. I stopped off in a chemist in Victoria and bought really expensive blister plasters. Buy cheap buy twice. I bought a packet of three from Asda and they were about as effective as...

I bought new blister plasters from a chemist in Soho. Got to LBC Towers ripped off the old elastic bandaids and replaced them with my newly minted cushioned one. Oh the joy of being flat-footed again. Coming home on the...

two eggs, no socks, Mama Mia last night. despite my miserable countenance I really enjoyed it. Tonight Its Arcadia with the old git. It had better be air conditioned.... I have a tiny little German staying with me at the...

The River Thames is very hight tonight. I am on thr balcony. Jim is reading me the television listings and i can hear the eaters from the nearby restauarant. This morning walked to the Butcher and Grill in the yellow...

what are witches? What is it to be a pagan, wicca, druid type person? Are there more unusual folks out there than meets the eye? I think so and I'm lucky enough to attract all of them to my programme....

Tonight B and I went from Clapham South to St. Pancras, How things have changed. The train sped through Kentish Town, West Hampstead, Hendon, Mill Hill, Cricklewood, not necessarily in that order, and then Elstree and Boreham wood. I used...

I wore green today and walked fast. i fell over last night and knackered my right knee, the last two times I grazed my left knee. I thought I was losing it, NO, said my acupuncturist, you just need to...

Tonight B and I went to see her best friends project in Mayfair. It may sound grand, well it was actually, but they arn't It's a wonderful set of sculptors by BEN DEARNLEY. Sportsmen and women that he has cast...

the top shed hasn't been looked at since 1988. There were more spiders than in Regents Park reptile house. Seven bags of flowers pots and forty eight tons of rubbish. Jim bought me a coffee at the garden centre then...

Go to see Jude Law's Hamlet, he carries it off. Ron Cook is terrific as Polonious. Penelope Wilton glides as Gertrude. I fell asleep during it because I do three hours live radio. DUET FOR ONE with Juliet Stevenson Henry...

It cost £30 quid to get back from leicester Square this evening SOOOOOO much traffic. Neither Jim or myself could stand the walk since we had sat through three hours of Hamlet with Jude Law. I fear I fell asleep...

27 degrees and I took the Clapham Junction route. Down Falcon Road, on the train and then a sweet little trip to Waterloo. There was a free SOUTH AFRICAN newspaper on the seat. A story about branding people on the...

The weather was soft and warm when I walked in this morning. St. James Park was full of tourists feeding the squirrels. There's something about the tourist when they crouch next to the furry rodent, they all think they are...

My temperature was so high I slept on the faux-leather settee. I unstuck myself at 4.44a.m. Jim looked after me and left me a get well soon note. Our wedding anniversary was food, film and a fleeting journey to the...

monday night, and I'm all merangued out. Jim cooked a meatball pasta sauce that was enjoyed by three generations of female Barnett's. we then tucked into Eton mess my way. fruit, cream, merangues and more cream, icing sugar and a...

Needles in me elbows Needles in me spine. Needles in me ankle And now I'm feeling fine. Although the cups squeezed on me shoulders And the needles in me head Have made me feel like jelly So I'm taking to...

My life is slowly returning to normal. Jim goes home today. Bank Holiday Monday came and went. Now I just need to start writing again. Remaining consistent, holding onto my discipline, not back tracking. Gawd Blimy it's hard. Any tips?...

I do not have swine flu. I do not have a viral infection. I have just picked up some horrible bug. Chucking up, loss of voice and generally feeling like doggie doo. having said that I will bust a gut...

If only I spoke French. I went to see 'Andromaque' by Jean Racine, at the Barbican. Full house, very intelligent, stark staging. Beautiful acting, but it was like watching two comics from the Fast Show pretending to be French. There...

Diana Henry has written a book called effortless cooking every day COOK SIMPLE. I have boxes of cookery books and several recipes in my head but DIANA'S recipes are exquisite. The book really does what it says on the cover....

And so Friday arrived... I drove gingerly to the dentist. My little red car slotted into the parking space by the letter box. I was punctual and ready. Rome had been and gone. My holiday had been and gone. My...

Jim got back to the cottage before me. I arrived at 7.00. The clemetis had been massacred by our now ex-gardener which meant all the beautiful white flowers that adorn the wall every spring were not there. My passion fruit...

Today I walked the orchard. Through the apple and pear trees. Over the style and I swear I could feel Jackson. I sat on the wooden cross bar and hung my head. The tears behind my eyelids were ready to...

There's a boy in Bow who holds cross-stitching classes. Instead of making traditional samplers of 'Home Sweet Home' they make samplers depicting dripping blood, Banksy and anything that is 'anti-craft'. He grew up in Belfast but was taught to sew...

23.29. Alan Carr is on the television. I have eaten a bowl of greens and recovered from MONKEY at the Young Vic. Jim and I have jigsawed our days so that cars have gone into the garage, articles written and...

You walk some you ride some. You bus some you tube some. You train some you run some. This morning I walked some then treated myself to a Number 24 bus. I was forty-five minutes late. There are more traffic...

A trip to Battersea Park Road. Up seven flights of stairs each landing stinking of pee.... Into a little flat to look at some material for Sunday's International Womens day gig. It's not the colour I ordered but I'm sure...

This morning I legged it to Clapham Junction, took the train to Waterloo and walked over Huntingford Bridge. The air was clear. St. Pauls, The Gherkin and the OXO Tower were stark white against a blue sky. Most people walking...

I interviewed Colin Firth this morning. He's tall and, well tall. Then I did a show, I dont know how I did I was exhausted from the weekend. And then the 'oosbind and I sorted out my 60th birthday bash....

The pressing need for me to buy a bag of John Innes compost and plant up some left over lame bulbs is now weighing heavily. So after a sausage sandwich, the 'oosbind and me will walk up the road and...

After the show I took the train back with squirming children everywhere. Half term breeds parents who want to fill their childrens time with The Science Museum, The Battle Ship Belfast and under water aquarium fish in all of three...

Like the proverbial Phoenix I am crawling out of the ashes. I have been battered, bruised, berated and bullied. But now, with the help of my friends and family I am ready to rock and roll. I have a new...

Dear Martin and David in Jo'berg. I'm pleased to hear you're hanging in there and not too traumatised. Hymie thank you for you comments, and indeed thanks to the rest of you. I have been holed up in East Sussex....

Everything squeaked this morning. The womans shoulder strap on her bag outside the Tate. The bicycle that sped past on Horseferry Street. My hips as I finally arrived at LBC. I left very early. Walked over Battersea Bridge. Over Albert...

I left the flat in the bright sunshine. It was cool and fresh. The boats looked like paper ships on a painted river. Walked over Battersea bridge, down Cheyne Walk right through to Pimlico, down past Victoria Station and then...

Gung Hay Fat Choy! Happy Year of the Ox. I am pogged on dumplings and custard cakes. Thank you to the GOLDEN PALACE in China Town, wonderful service, atmosphere and of course food. I am replete on Jasmine tea and...

Allan Sillitoe on Desert Island Discs, was so predictable. From 'Old Man River' to his stories. Not that there is anything wrong with predictability but being surprised by a persons life is always uplifting - he did not uplift me....

POSITIVE SHRINKING by KEVIN LAYE, has had hundreds of you wanting to know about tapping. Buy his book, it's only little, and you'll be able to tap, dowse and think your self slim - well that's what he says. I...

It's all slowly revealing itself. Today the show was grown up and informative. Took a taxi home too tired to walk. Although this morning I found another route to South Kensington Station. I could hear myself chuntering to myself as...

Made the guest list for my 60th. Found the venue. Sorted the invites. Travelled back from the cottage in my pyjamas. Bought just the one Sunday newspaper. Put in the washing,. Blitzed the cottage. Tidied the flat and now I'm...

Yes know I should be ashamed of myself. I have no excuse, well actually I have, my keyboard kept jumping and missing letters, and my frustration level was so I High I wanted to scream Yesterday morning, whilst the old...

The Groucho Club, in Dean Street, is my actors club. Bernie makes life sweet, he hugs me in reception and makes me feel like Lisa Minnelli. I took Pammie and Paul, who are over from new York. I had a...

Cirque Soleil, Sunset Boulvevard two totally different experiences. One was big, in the Albert Hall, acrobats, ropes and headless overcoats, the other small, intimate with a team of actor musicians who somehow managed to make love whilst holding a trumpet....

It appears that I have spent 5 full days buried beneath a mountain of wrapping paper sellotape greeting cards satsumas crackers turkey gammon 112 different kinds of cheese 78 different kinds of chutney and more games than mad mick. My...

8.41. on a frosty morning. I've watered the window boxes on the balcony. Should have put on shoes my feet are freezing. The river looks lovely all the houseboats outside the flat have Christmassy decorations which twinkle at night. I...

I went to see a film at Bafta. It was so bad I left 20 minutes in. I had had a really synchronicitous night. I took the No.19 to Battersea Bridge, ran home, turned on the computer, re-arranged various bits...

It normally takes me three days to get over myself. Saturday has filtered down now so I can be more objective about Radlett. I'm chewing on a stick of celery, the flat is so quiet and my crunching so loud...

So Radlett came and went - a bit like life really. All that preparation and before you could say 'Dim those house lights please.' it was all over. The stage manager didn't make it, the agent didn't make it, the...

Jim drove up last Wednesday so we could have dinner with Rupert Ponsonby at the new Gauchos. We were on time only we went to the wrong Gauchos. Walking swiftly into the one in Spitalfields - all stainless steel and...

I made a decision to stay at home in the 'Cottarge' instead of going away. I made a decision that sitting in front of the fire with the old git would be preferable to hanging around an airport, travelling through...

When I interviewed TARELL ALVIN McCRANEY last week I had no idea I was in the presence of genius. THE BROTHERS SIZE and IN THE RED AND BROWN WATER are two plays about young black people. Their relationships, using Yoruba...

It's not the politics of envy but a fear that achievments are only ever described in pounds, shillings and pence, not to mention the yankee dollar. Lewis Hamilton stands to be the first ever Billion Dollar sportsman. One Billion dollars...

ch-ch-ch-changes I am sad that Lesley Douglas has resigned from radio 2. I am sad that it came to this. I am amazed at the backlash. Yes I think it's time all broadcasters everwhere, including myself, are made responsible for...

There are good days and sometimes better. Today was sometimes better. William Roache - KEN BARLOW off the street - is a gentle, sweet man. He believes what he believes. Doesn't try to make anybody part of his gang. The...

Zeitgeist: the spirit, attitude, or general outlook of a specific time or period. The spirit of our time. The Zeitgeist, as I write, is uncertainty. Politicians blaming each other. Money lenders counting their gains behind closed doors. Even the scientists...

On Saturday I made beef stew with horseradish dumplings, buttery cabbage and celeriac mash for seven of us. We had apple crumble made with the apples from our garden. There was not one crumb left. The satisfaction of the perfect...

I arrived back at the flat and spent 45 minutes shouting. SHOUT NUMBER ONE I had a delivery delivered. I wasn't home. because I do a daily show on the radio.... The man I spoke to made it quite clear...

It's a perfect day for staying in and reading the papers, doing the ironing in front of the radio, watching telly and sleeping in my own bed. The rain is lashing down. It's driving in from the South, on a...

Two sweet potatoes in the oven. One sweet man coming to the flat with my new dungarees and red dress. One sweet acupuncturist who has calmed me down for tomorrow. Hundreds of sweet calls, messages & texts from people wishng...

My feet are stuck in four-inch-high-brown- sequinned-shoes. My feet have grey socks on as well the shoes, the better to stretch them. My hands are freezing. My legs are swathed in white and blue pyjama trousers. My torso is covered...

Tonight I got measured for my dress for an AUDIENCE WITH.... Shakeel has 9 days to buy the material and make it. I was all of a dither when he was measuring me. Apologising for my lack of waist, width...

Friday night is fight night. It takes me three hours to get from London to the cottage. The cottage is dusty and dank because Gae, my organiser, cleaner and general bitchesbody is now living in Kuwait more weeks than not....

I sat in the bath wondering what to wear for the funeral. Ken Campbell was a man of vision. A luminary, some would say a nutter. He could have cared less what I was wearing. When we worked together he...

The big table, in the flat, is covered in photographs. All black and white. Me waving my jazz hands. Me, playing castanets. Me playing the piano. Me posing backwards, straining my head to loook into the camera. Me hugging a...

There are two reasons for my being naked. The first: Walking into the flat. Off with the outdoor attire, on with the body. I sit here, like Spike Milligan, or Monty Python''s lot, naked 'cept my wedding rings, necklace and...

I used my gymstick this morning. A stick about so long, with two rubber foot stirrups. Rubber tubes that can be curled round the stick makes the length longer or shorter. The aim, by working against the stick, is to...

Samedi's sandals had done the trick, but Dimanche demanded firmer footwear. Team leader Linda, and I had decided on our itinerary, we knew where we were going and we knew how to get there, we were ready to go by...

I travelled to Paris with a bag that measured 16" by 10". It contained three pairs of black knickers, one tooth brush, a bottle of Chanel No. 5, a Mac red lipstick, a bergundy passport, a return ticket, an Oyster...

Bugger Uranus - or maybe it's Saturn! Having had the proper holiday its noses to the grindstone until Paris this weekend. And before you waggle your finger and accuse me of living the life of Reilly, I've been invited to...

For thirteen years and seven months we had a big, soft, sloppy Labrador. He was walked just about every single day. When we were on holiday he was walked by friends and family. When it rained we put on galoshes,...

Marnie and Will sent us photographs of their Riad in Marrakech. Pretty. Light. Beautifully clean. I felt SO hard done by. Jim says I will never be able to have a good holiday because I don't know how to relax...

Where do I begin....there's a song in there somewhere. We left England on Wednesday June 25th. The weather bright and crisp as I recall. The drive through Ashdown Forest was smooth and unruffled. Gatwick - North terminal - was empty,...

After a breakfast of scrambled eggs - Bill Granger style - bacon, fresh coffee and toast, I drove Aj back to his car. 21 year old boys who play American football really are sweet arm candy. The wind was fresh,...

Its Wednesday evening. I don't know whether it's me, my age, the planets, the weather, the time of the year, my impending holiday, my impending tax bill, my impending birthday. I don't know whether its because I am not exercising,...

There's something wonderful about driving into the centre of London when everybody is driving out. On Tuesday night I felt queasy, hung over, and not a little irritable, but it didn't stop me from jumping into the little red car...

Its the end of a BIG four days off. The cottage feels a little more normal, even though there is a big space where the dogs bed was. On Friday I collected my newly mended motor, handed over the fancy...

It's 21.12 and there's a dreadful wedding reception going on down stairs. Normally I wouldn't a mind a bit of Abba, but the 'Dancing Queen' looks a bit worse for wear and we haven't hit midnight yet. Can I bare...

The Northern man who shares my bed started coughing at 3.30. 'Orrible it was. Whilst he expectorated I turned to BELLERUTH NAPERSTEK. No she wasn't sharing our bed, I have a series of her cassette tapes. How to sleep, reduce...

Thank you Fee for reminding me that Spurs got hammered!?&^% A big thank you to all my bloggers - me forget you? Perleasse. But now lets get down to some serious blogging. Ever since the sugar reading I have been...

I have lost 3 stone. Have been given a new 14 part televison series travelling around the World discussing philosophy and food. Jackson is jumping over fences. I have just won £4million on the lottery. LBC are exending my contract...

Dear Chrissie....and you others My Wednesday night meal comprised: Three glasses of pink champagne. Scallops in butter with parsley. Halibut and spinach. The food was just ok, the rest of the crowd were ridiculous. Because England were playing in France...

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES. When I have scraped the snow off the cottage windows and dusted down the clematis on the walls, when I have walked Jackson and eaten the bestest ever shoulder of lamb infused with...

OK Thursday is the day before Good Friday. It is cold, wet and completely unspring like. This morning I had to wear my gloves when I was running. Little black things they are, which grow when you put your fingers...

Oh! the last three days have been a nightmare. What with the Lunar eclipse, blood sugar levels and tears from the young women in my life to cap it all my telephone went down, the computer stopped working so I've...

It's nearly midnight and I have done as much today as a crofter in Orkney does in a week - not that I would know what a crofter does -i'm being metaphorical or is it physical? Anyway after an interminable...

Having a whole weekend with the old man, and not having to think about writing anything, or reading anything, was like going away for a month to the Maldives with only a sarong on my mind. We slept in, we...

Thank you for your well wishes. I am back tomorrow. I've rested up today because I had to go to the launch of THE LANE, Collin Browns new restaurant in Osbourne Street. It was a real swanky affair. My head...

Yesterdays show was as different from 'Breaking News' as building a snowman is from whizzing down the Cresta Run. We covered Public Displays of Affection, marriage, education, ageism and litter. I talked my lips off. Today I had my new...

I had it all planned out. I was going to Jim's penultimate perf. of the panto then drive home and write me blog. But my car got broken into. I cried more tears than the crocodile, but was comforted by...

It's fifteen minutes past the midnight hour. I'm waiting up to sing Happy Birthday to my girlfriend in New York. Pammie is sitting down, with 15 friends, at 7pm in Brooklyn. I should have been at the table but this...

The last Sunday before Christmas. On LBC we talked food around the world. We talked puddings and sweets and whale blubber. MARIA ELIA came in and told of life on a yacht and how to make turkey in a bag....

Sleigh bells ring, can you here 'em? In the bath and the bedroom, They sing ding-a-long. A merry old song. Waiting for a winter wonderland. I'm agog at the spending. Just one day, we'll be spending. Prostate on the couch,...

I spent all morning in bed making phone-calls on behalf of others. Then after abluting, transcending, adorning and scent, I climbed into the Jackmobil and headed off to Prospect Pictures. I haven't properly been back there since April, but I'd...

Green fingers? Green food? Green Christmas’? That’s what we talked about on todays show. LUCY SEIGLE terrified the life out of me. Having to remember to shop without plastic, and then put your food into jute, not plastic bags, and...

It's 9.15 on Saturday night. After too much Saturday night television I've removed myself from the sitting room. Tomorrow I'm packing up and going to the flat for a week. Sundays show is all about having a GREEN CHRISTMAS. Lucy...

Minus 3. Christmas Tree. In the pond till Saturdee. Today I had the fridge man in to mend the fridge. It was the thermostat. I made a cheque but tore it up, just like Chris Tarrant, when I realised that...

Dear All, my ankle hurts, although I know it's really no excuse for bad verse. But here goes any way: I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. Not like the ones I used to know. Where the tree-tops tumble, and children...

Well dear readers, As agony aunt to the less than famous, the indiscreet and the truly damaged, let me draw your attention to young Phils queary. Living in Thailand, as he does, and enduring Siam Suzie, which he does, Philip...

I've kept a diary ever since 1981. Each year Jim would buy me a big full-page, A4, lined jobbie, which I would fill religiously with waffle. A different colour each year, so I have a library of red, blue, black,...

Dear bloggers, Thank you for your contribution this week. The Self Sufficiency show came and went. Now you know how hard it is to keep up the momentum. This weeks homework is ETIQUETTE. You, and food and manners. I heard...

My cheeks are cold. I've just taken the old dog out for a run under the crispy brown beech leaves. The chestnuts are rotting, the new crop is sprouting and as I hugged my tree I heard my voice shouting...

'What's for ya won't go past ya.' So said Joe's granny. Joe is the second youngest of nine, his dad was a copper and his mum a teacher. Joe is an exceptionally good editor. I met Rob, a brillyant (that's...

Dear, dear bloggers. You did it again. I nearly managed to get you all on radio this afternoon. Your stories were really well written and bang on, so thanks. I'm off at 4.00 a.m. tomorrow to fly to Glasgow. I'm...

Oh Dear, Mrs. Jones, having to nit-pick after hours. Like most creeative poeple I ma extreemely bad at speeeling and grandma. The frost on the lawn, this morning, was a most welcome sight - normal November weather. Hurrah!. The old...

After 6 hours sleep it was off to the dentist. This time for the daughter, who amazingly revealed that all of her wisdom teeth had torn through her gums without so much as a yelp. She had absolutely no pain...

Thank you for blogging. I hope some of you heard me reading you out on LBC tonight. Thank you for calling in. I actually had a conversation with Chrissie from Carcassone about Toulouse sausages and her preferred method of eating...

I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I ordered my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...

I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I orderd my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...

Eighteen ducks sitting on the wall. Sitting in a line, then one gave a call. Eighteen ducks flying off the wall. All in a line, one and all. Two fat crows sitting on the wall. Eating biscuits, paper and all....

I took my seat in the Tipper Chair, a big blue bib was secured round my neck and whoosh I was up-ended. The protective glasses were placed over my eyes, the curing light switched on then Mr. W. probed my...

On Sunday I pootled around the flat until it was time to go to LBC. The show was all about Fussy eating kids, winter risottos, soups and fireworks. Some callers called, texters texted and Glen e-mailed me from Hamburg. Annabel...

I ran. I wrote. I really enjoyed me meal with Jim at JACKS. Jack Talkington was a 'pound a round' boxer,he met Jimmy Carter's brother, who worked for the White House security team so now all of Jack's restaurant walls...

It's 12.15. I'm eating Ryvita. Clarence is asleep in his bed. Jim's at home in Sussex. Jackson is on his bed - I'm told. I read an article today by Bruce Fogel the famous vet who's married to Julia whatshername....

Dear lovely bloggers. I have just accidentally deleted all your lovely comments. I am gutted. If you've still got them send them again and I'll publish them. I'm off to see CABARET now, it's their first year birthday, I have...

The sharp air cut through my befuddled head. I meditated, and researched words for the book. So I went and bought washing up liquid and three newspapers from the corner shop. The corner shop is on The Square. Rather than...

I was doing my shopping in Waitrose - ok I know its a supermarket but if I have to stock up then at least Waitrose has a conscience. I was wandering round buying bio-degradable bin bags when my phone went....

Todays LBC was all about Halloween. TONY EDWARDS talked about the history of the Pagan festival from The Celts to now, told us a story, sung us a song, the least I could do was invite him back. Rupert Ponsonby...

Today Jackson was 13 years of age. Jim and I sang him Happy Birthday. He 'herrumphed' a thank you, a kind of breathy neigh. I called up B, she shouted out Happy Birthday - he barked his thanks. I called...

21.46 of a Sunday. It 's cold round the ankles and the moon is half full. The first chicken soup of the season is bubbling away on the back burner; me knaidlach, (matzo-meal dumplings) have risen to the surface nicely...

What a funny time this is. The BBC slashing so many jobs. Perer Fincham resigning. ITV being accused of fraud. Im working in an industry which is tearing itself apart. Fewer and fewer people are able to find work, more...

The last four days have been dominated by technological breakdown, resulting in personal 'meltdown'. I know that when Mercury, the planet of communicaton, goes retrograde, things can get a little tricky but the postal strike, internet failure, computer crashing, email...

'The Frieze Art Fair' in Regents Park, was full of arty collectors, rich gallery owners, Richard E Grant and poseurs. Some of the work was good; I particulalry liked Evan Penny's bald man and Pam Ferris lookalike. They hung on...

We have a shed in our garden, it's called 'Le Shed'. One half is my writing shrine the other is where music gets written. Jim has a shed, it's called 'His Shed'. We have another shed in the garden full...

Dear Colin, me YAK?! I've never yakked in my life - talked the hind legs off a donkey, now that's different. And dear Janey B, if it ain't the foxes running amok it's the geese that are giving you goose...

Dear Anne, you are absolutely right. The Great Storm was 20 years ago. I should know that because the kid is now 20. I should also know that because I am twenty years older, over the hill and away with...

I can hear the fireworks from Rotherfield Carnival. You can see the purple, red orange and white sparkles way up in the sky. Back in the Great Storm of 1987 the spire of Rotherfield Church went through the roof. You...

Jackson and I walked very slowly round the houses this morning. It was a sharp, crisp day. Felt like Sweden tinged with Connecticut. Bulbous blackberries hung in clusters, but I left them alone - in October they belong to the...

Autumn in the cottage has to be seen to be believed. Johnathan's Virginia Creeper is the colour of bergundy wine. The Beech trees are alternately brown and copper, the Michaelmass daisies are out and the smell of fungi pushing through...

It now smells of autumn, a fusty, musty earthy aroma which surrounds the cottage at this time of year. I'm waiting for the mushrooms to appear. We have shaggy ink caps round the back of us, puff balls at the...

For five years Maria Elia came onto Good Food Live. She fused and combined all sorts of crazy ingredients; served up everything from prawn and watermelon curry to artichoke ice-cream; turned our heads with her humour and perspicacity and impressed...

Happy New Year. It is now, according to the Jewish calender, Five Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Eight. The year, 5768, is calculated by adding up the ages of certain people in the Bible back to the time of Creation....

September 2007 is nearly over and along with millions of others I'm SAD. We've not even had an Indian summer to speak of. I'm afraid you find me watching telly on a Thursday afternoon as the charcoal grey clouds over...

There are definite advantages to doing a foodie programme. The organic box company sent me a box of organic fruit and a bag of organic potatoes. I unpacked them, gave two punnets of pink strawberries, 6 peaches and a kettle...

Listen,ooh ooh ooh, Do you want to know a secret?, ooh ooh ooo. Do you promise not to tell whoawhoaeeeh....well that wasn't an option for Dr.John DeMartini who was diagnosed with learning disabilities when he was 7. At 14 he...

Dear Nit pickers, yes of course I meant to write September not December on my last blog, but the way the time is going it might just as well be Christmas. The weekend has been absolutely manic, none of my...

I couldn't get back to sleep after I heard the sound of running water, it was, in fact, Jim pressing an indigestion table out of it's silvery tray - too much Bordeaux last night - it was 5.30 and since...

It's only 9.o'clock but it's as black as Newgates Knocker outside. I've had to turn up the heating, put on a grey fleece, close the windows and drink a mug of something warm. It's 14 and a bit weeks until...

I walked over Battersea bridge today smiling. Two reasons, the first being that my face in repose, with its down-turned mouth, has the look of a depressed camel - ever since I saw myself in a shop window and wondered...

I didn't have a lot of sleep, owing to the old man's birthday bash last night. But I was called this morning, at 8.24 precisely, by Radio Kent for my opinions on whether women were happier and more content than...

Having Jackson in the flat is a real alarm call. I wake at 7.00 (although this morning it was 8.00) and walk down the hall into the living room. Jackson has taken up residence under the table, next to the...

It's 8 minutes off 5 0'clock. I have finally managed to get myself back into some kind of health and fitness regime. NINA ANDERSON, my lovely personal trainer has waited patiently for me to turn a corner, and by that...

An oxymoron is a combination of contrary ideas, a phrase seemingly absurd but really significant like 'in this shrill hush of quietude' or 'proud humility', which perfectly describes my moronic behaviour at the moment. The comments on this blog do...

Well I don't know about you, but I feel as nutty as a fruit cake. But then they say that happens with the full moon, don't they? Whoever those they are. The Moon is staring at me through the window....

Finding a structure is the thing. I'm told not to go to bed too late. But being on my own without a structure means I dribble around, reading, writing, telly-grazing and end up going to bed in the wee small...

I got complacent and didn't take Jackson out late last night. I opened the door and followed the trail of his widdle. Then we went for a brisk walk. I had on a t-shirt, fleece and my pyjama trousers. Half...

It's 9.30pm. Jimbo is down stairs re-writing his Punch and Judy part for the Globe. He has just sent £30 off to Prof. Doc. Jingles or Jangles, a man who lives in Norfolk. The Prof sent him two 'swazzles' so...

Last night the sound of the rain on the red plastic table cover in the front garden lulled me to sleep. It was noisy and rhythmic. When I woke at 7.00 this morning the rain was still tumbling out of...

16.26 and all I have done is drive and sit, wait and drive, sit and wait, sit and drive. Somehow I am managing to meditate every morning, but that's about the only constant at the moment. I am reading the...

Jim shouted 'I said get me up at 7.30', but I thought he said 8.00 so the pair of us were running around like blue-arsed flies this morning. He managed to get out in ten minutes. Off to the dentist,...

Well, just as I said, the postman arrived and I signed for BB's 'Love Box Weekend' tickets. My, that sounds like a good day out, especially with the weather we are having. It snowed in Battersea this evening... The postman...

Blimey, 'what a grey day', to quote Larry Grayson. The rain has been constant since I awoke this morning. Not that it really mattered since I had no pressing external commitments so I've been in my Marks and Sparks pj's...

To Jill, I know it's hard to find work when you're sixteen. My twillage employs all the young folk in three supermakets and, of course, I don't approve. But I am not so naive as to think that all the...

Somehow I missed the moment yesterday. My timetable is 'f''cocked' - trying to fit everything in is almost impossible. How I ever managed to run my life whilst doing GFL is beyond me. When I am in town next week,...

When I was on GFL, Simon Rimmer and I used to talk about running. He's been pounding the turf for years, whilst I started two years ago. Since I've been back from America, what with all the changes, my knee...

It has been such a weird week. So full of this and that, I've hardly had a moment to reflect. But I feel really unbalanced not writing, so, even though my eyes are propped open with matchsticks, here goes. It's...

On my drive up to London I listened to the 'The Maltby Collection' by David Nobbs on Radio 4. The double-barreled good looker from 'Green Wing' was in it, as was Richard Palmer. It was funny and so well written...

I took Jackson for a walk in the Hollies. We drove over the cattle grid, parked the car and gingerly walked past half a dozen very big bulls chewing the cud. The weather was balmy. When we got to the...

Look, there's no beating about the bush today. The final of 'The Apprentice' with Alan Sugar is on at 9.00 and I have to make myself a salad and stop crying. No, I have not turned into a sniveling feeble...

Tonight I was going to the Globe to see the 'Merchant of Venice.' My husband got two complimentary tickets for the seated area. No groundling scamble for me, darlings. It was the Press night. Performances are always better when there...

The computer read out said 00.00 when I started. No time like the present eh? Although I always find 00.00 a strange 'moment' in time. It's as if for 60 seconds we just don't exist. In my haste to write...

I wish I had blogged yesterday because it was 5-6-7. Don't you love that kind of cosmic joke? Like looking at the clock and it saying 12.34, or it being 7.7.7, which it will be next month? Anyway, I missed...

There has been so much to do, and so little time to do it, I can hardly remember the peace of the wheatgrass farm. I made notes so that I wouldn't forget anything but I always doodle backwards, mirror writing...

St. Albans in Hertfordshire is one of my most favourite places on Earth. It has such lovely memories for me. When I was studying the piano I would be taken on the 358 bus, past three mental hospitals and a...

Bank Holiday Sunlessday. I have had to wear a thick fleecy blue sweater, Jim's black anorak, thick sweat pants and my new trainers to keep out the wind and the cold. Everybody is sneezing. The roads are waterlogged and the...

The weather men were right. California is meant to be sunny - and it was mostly. England is meant to be grey and wet with an overcast of depressing gloom - and it is mostly. We haven't even taken Jackson...

Hello, you lot. Darling Rod, my swarthy flight attendant, I am flying back on Sunday 20th, the evening flight. Cancel all your plans. I need you to see the new me. Now, thank heavens I can fit into one seat....

Well, as I slurp yet another green juice, you are all safely tucked up in your beds. It's 5.40 Pacific time which makes it nearly 3.00a.m. so if you are an insomniac, Good Morning. The drive down to San Diego...

Alex Baldwin is on the telly talking about parental alienation. Sybil the soothsayer is having a lie down. Maggie, my hostess, is in the kitchen and the last remnants of the gecko have been retrieved from behind the armchair. Sam...

Well, finally I am able to get into the site. It has taken three days and countless long distance phone calls and emails, but I think we are there. Here's hoping. It's 10.10am my time, 6pm your time. I'm forever...

Well, just how quickly does it come round? One minute you're booking the tickets on e-mail and wondering whether it really is too much money to be spending on three weeks away in a ridiculous clinic in the desert, being...

Well, it comes to a pretty pass when your husband marks your spelling in front of the Nation. That deffinattelee is not the done thing, Jim! Dear brighton Beau, forgive my assumptions, and for God's sake, Crawford, lay off the...

Ah! Marmite girl, marmite girl, you are as rare as seawater pearl.The big apple eh? You are nothing but a gad about girl. Darling Maria Elia - if you don't go to her restaurant in Borough Market you don't deserve...

To all of you wonderful people in Australia, I can't tell you what it means to have your sunshine on my blog. Thank you so much for bothering to write to me. And to you, Dear Marmite Girl, my ulcers...

I am back. It's 23.02 English time. Out there in Belgium it would be 00.02. All them noughts. And yes, it was me in Brugger. I know we say Brughe, but they don't. Lovely to hear from Cutesy, my wonderful...

Right, first things first. Thank you for the cat pee suggestions. Especially Vinegar John in Shotts. Jim said he thought of it first, and told me to pour vinegar on it last week. I don't think he did but then...

What's the worst I can do? Lie. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. Somewhere deep inside my addled brain I really thought I would go to India but here's what happened. For three nights I haven't slept. I'm not saying...

Okay, Good Food Live has finally been confined to the media dustbin. After five years of eating, laughing, interviewing, drinking, posing, munching, crying, learning, the new powers that be decided to take us off air. The set got cruddier, you...

About jenibarnett.com

UK TV presenter Jeni Barnett's blog: Acting is all about honesty, if you can fake that you can fake anything.