Paparazzi Captures Katie Holmes 'Au Naturale'

NEW YOIK (Defecated News) - The pleasures of stardom - adoring fans, being fucking minted but still getting free meals, and tax evasion. No one has enjoyed these more than vertically challenged 'alleged gay' actor Tom Cruise. But for his wife and mother of his reptilian child Katie Holmes, the pressure seems to have taken its toll.

"It was sad to see a once 'yes please, missus' kinda chick turn into a 'no way, José' minger", explained Gauloises. "What in god's name has she been doing? Maybe putting up the pretence of a happy marriage and covering up the fact that the baby is not fully human has stressed her to the point where even Nivea Visage Anti-Aging cream ain't gonna do shit", he added.

Meanwhile, in London, Cruise was spotted in Southall's Primark store looking in the 'Petite Tranny' section. We do not know the significance of this.

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