Parent:
We should be able to trust the system to do what's right for our kids.

Pat:
In theory, this sounds good. But when you are dealing with a child with
disabilities, there will always be disagreements. You simply will not
get agreement from the number of participants who are required to attend
these meetings.

Schools
are in the decision-making process for the short-term. As a parent,
you are in it for the long-term.

Eventually,
your child will leave the public school system. If your child does not
receive an appropriate education, will the teacher, the school principal
or director of special education come to his home to help him balance
his checkbook?

Of course not. This is the parents' responsibility.

It
is the parents (and society-at-large) who are ultimately responsible for
students with disabilities who cannot achieve a level of independence.
So parents have a great vested interest.

Parents
and Schools: Different Perspectives

Parents
and schools invariably look at the child's education from vastly different
perspectives. Schools are only required to develop goals and objectives
(or benchmarks) for a twelve month period. As
parents, we need to look at where we want our children (disabled or not)
to be at the end of their public education.

Parent:
I don't see why the school has to draw lines in the sand.

Pat:
There is nothing wrong with disagreement. Problems come from the manner
in which disagreements are handled. I have learned that there are better
ways to obtain positive results than to roar through meetings in a Mack
Truck.

When
Disagreements Turn Into Power Struggles

Many
disagreements turn into power struggles. Power struggles do not make winners
look good. (For
those who think I don't know what I'm talking about, review Howey v.
Tippecanoe School Corporation. I am Mrs. Howey).

Had
I understood this earlier, it might have made a difference between the
$20,000 in attorney's fees we received and the $50,000 we were attempting
to get.

The
Law Gives Parents Power -- Use Your Power Wisely

Parents
need to understand that the law gives them power to use in educational
decisions for their children. Parents should not be afraid to use their
power.

True
advocacy is about improving the lives of children, and ensuring that they
become independent, productive, taxpaying citizens who belong to the community
in which they live.

Parent:
I'm tired of being jerked around so I said I was bringing an attorney
to the meeting, I don't have legal representation. Their response surprised
me.

Pat:
It's dangerous to make threats. What if you can't find representation?
The school will decide that you make empty threats. In the future, you
may find yourself backed into a corner because you "trained" the school
to not believe you.

Parent:
I hate going to IEP meetings. The team interrupts me, talks over me, and
are not willing to respond to my questions and comments.

Pat:When this happens, it's because parents don't know how to take control
of the situation. Parents need to use subtle psychological strategies
to empower themselves and make the school members of the team respect
their positions.

First,
when you go to a team meeting, get there early. Sit
on the right side of the person with the most power. (Often, the person
with the pen, but not always). An added advantage to this is that you
can often read notes that are being written, while they are being written.

Act
like an equal team member!Don't
fall for the old divide and conquer trick of "us v. them" positions.

If
things are going too fast, tell the chairperson that you can't keep up.
Ask them to slow down so that you can take better notes. Make
this request as many times as is necessary until they comply with your
request to slow down. (Most people will give in to a request after is
repeated about three times.)

Be
persistent. With some school people, you have to repeat your request
several times. Pretend that they are your children. You know how many
times you have to tell your children to do something, or stop doing something,
before they comply!

The
Power of Your Written Follow-up Letter

If
the team refuses to slow down, document this in your written follow-up
letter.

Your
follow-up letter is more important than the notes you keep. Your
follow-up letter documents any disagreements, procedural errors, untruths,
misstatements -- all the things that never make it into the summary of
the meeting.

Keep
your report factual, not emotional.Do
not attack people.

For example,
assume you are told, "If you don't like it, then take it to a hearing."

You
might write something like this:

Written
Opinion

Team
Meeting

(DATE)

(Child's
Name)

I
requested an independent educational evaluation. I
was told this would not be provided and that I could request a due process
hearing if I did not agree.

Sign
it.

Keep
a copy for your own records.

You'll
find that your written report is very powerful. It will become part of
your child's educational record. The school can never say that it did
not happen because you documented it.

Meet
Pat Howey

Pat
Howey is an advocate who has helped parents obtain special education services
for their children with disabilities since 1986. She also helps parents
resolve special education disputes with their school districts.