A 17-year-old Chicago boy went to the hospital this weekend with a wounded groin, but it's not what you think — he did NOT burn himself while having sex with a freshly baked apple pie!

As it turns out, he accidentally shot himself near the privates! Ouch! Totes bummer!

What's truly strange about his story, though, is what he told the cops who questioned him!

He told them two firearm-weilding Ninjas popped out of a black van and shot him! Ninjas! Seriously! HE BLAMED NINJAS!

Lawmakers investigated the place where this showdown purportedly occurred, but found no trace of Ninja presence!

And how would they?! Ninjas are masters of stealth and disguise, LOLz!!

Medical examiners eventually determined the teen's wounds were self-inflicted, by judging the trajectory of the mumbo-jumbo science-schmience! So this boy either made this whale of a tale up or Ninjas are better at covering their tracks than we imagined!