It takes just two magic words to quicken the pulse of any liberal in good standing: "active shooter." Hooray! That's the signal for our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters to politicize other people's fear and pain, before anybody actually knows what's really going on. Like the man said: Never let a crisis go to waste. And if they end up being wrong, so what? The important thing is getting what they want, no matter what it takes.

Toward the end of Election 2016: The Neverending Story, you may recall that Donald Trump started yelling a lot about the election being "rigged." I don't know if he really thought it was rigged (even MAGA-heads have to admit he's a bit of a conspiracy theorist), or if it was just a cynical sour grapes ploy. Either way, I thought it was dumb. And, in retrospect, pointless. It ended up not mattering on election day anyway, just like pretty much everything else I thought would matter.

When Mike Pence went to a showing of Hamilton on Broadway the other night, he was stepping into enemy territory. The cast, led by actor Brandon Dixon, made a point of lecturing him from the stage. They initiated a confrontation. But if they're so worried about Pence being a heartbeat away from the presidency, did they actually do anything about it on Nov. 8?

If you think the past eight years have been tough on you and your family, let's try to keep things in perspective: Have you ever broadcast a live Election Night special when you were absolutely sure you knew who would win, but then you had to keep going when it gradually dawned on you that you were completely wrong?

The 2016 election was the most divisive one since... well, since the last one. A lot of feelings were hurt. A lot of bridges were burned. A lot of hashtags were trending. It's been exhausting for everybody.

Last weekend, SNL'S Kate McKinnon brought all of America together to solemnly mourn the political career of Hillary Clinton. Well, all of America except for the hundreds of millions who didn't vote for her. But they don't count, except when it comes to winning elections.

They told us that if Donald Trump was elected president, Americans would be punished for exercising their free speech. What they didn't tell us was that the ones doing all the cracking down would be the losers.

I pity past generations who didn't have access to Yoko Ono's beautiful music at the tap of a touchpad. Back in the old days, people who wanted to enjoy such soothing sounds had to go to a record store or burn down an animal shelter.