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Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Is He Really The One? - Four Questions to End All Suffering - Part 1 #byronkatie

Byron Katie holds the view that it is not what happens to us, but our unquestioned thoughts, which are the cause of all our
suffering. Katie’s famous line goes like this - “I discovered that when I
believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't
suffer, and that this is true for every human being.”

Applying this view, feelings
of stress become mere signals that we are not living in reality, but in an
illusion which we have created in our heads. And, just like an alarm clock,
these stressful thoughts are meant to tell us that it’s time to wake up. When
questioned, these thoughts dispel, leaving behind them nothing but reality - that The
Universe is friendly and everything happens exactly at the right time. We are at peace with ourselves and those around us.

Katie claims that
her method (called ‘The Work’) can be applied to any situation where we have
suffered. Four simple questions and a turnaround which form ‘The Work’ can
eliviate depression, anxiety, reduce anger and improve relationships and productivity.

Sounds too good
to be true? Perhaps it should. I am always weary of any method which proclaims
to have found the one solution to all our suffering, so varied in its nature
and causes.

Nonetheless, I thought I would give ‘The Work’ a
go. Because what if... what if it works?

I am fortunate to
say that my suffering, compared to the big tragedies you see on the news every
night, has been quite trivial. I can only write of what I know. And when I
spent some time pondering the question, I realised that no other thought has ever
made me suffer more than this – ‘He is The One.’

This was the
thought which kept me anxious during moments when I should have simply enjoyed
spending time together with a particular boyfriend; and this same thought has
kept me awake at nights, crying my eyes out, and dragged beside me like a
skeletal shadow through weeks, months and even years following a break up.

One thought. The cause of years of suffering and
heartache. And a solution to put an end to it. Can it really, really be that simple?

And if it really
is that simple, then what other thoughts are keeping me from being a much
healthier, happier and self-accepting individual? Who knows who I could be or
where I could be without those thoughts? Who knows if I even know myself as well as
other people do, who see me as I am, not the bundle of thoughts that race through my
head (often self-deprecating) while I interact with those people... So, while not
quite convinced that the method would work, my burning curiosity demanded that
it at least be put to the test.

Byron Katie’s method is quite
simple, and proclaims similar values to those so adamantly promoted by Socrates
and his followers. Namely – that it is through a process of questioning, rather
than learning, that wisdom can be acquired.

What makes me less weary of Katie’s
method is that it does not aim to teach you anything other than the method
itself. It has no agenda, no mafia or organisation behind it who want to
brainwash you with a particular message or code of conduct, so you then gladly
part with all of your money. Katie’s method aims to give you the tools to
question your assumptions and to draw attention to the fact that there are
things we have all believed since forever,
that it has never even crossed our minds to question them.

But enough of the background stuff. Let’s get to
the fun part. The method works like this.

Step 1

With a pen and
paper ready, you write the thought about someone who has caused you suffering
and whom you haven’t been able to forgive, not fully. When you put it on paper,
you fix the thought, you isolate it from all the others, and that’s the baby
you’ll be working with. It’s worth trying Katie’s Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet
which can give you guidance on how to fix your thoughts on paper.

Step 2

Once the thought
is fixed, you write down the answer to these four simple questions, taking your
time to meditate on each, if the answer does not come instantly.