Mom is finally selling houses! Problem is she isn’t licensed. No big whoop for her, the test will be a breeze! Except she freaks when she meets Kim, a mega realtor who’s sold 358 houses and is getting recertified. She walks out of the test, assuaging her failure with a Chipwitch. Mmmm…now that’s something I can get behind: Chipwitch and a mostly Mom-centric episode.

It’s not Alice Waters and it’s not Robert Sietsema. In an exclusive reveal generously bestowed upon The New York Times, Twitter parody account turned James Beard Award-winning culinary persona Ruth Bourdain stepped out of the closet, and unmasked himself.

We’ve refrained from talking about the Reviewer Card, simply because we’ve wanted to deny a certain creator the publicity. So we’re going to let these very famous, very influential figures in the food world do our opining for us.

We bid good riddance to 2012 in a blaze of bourbon-and-bao-fueled glory, so what now? What’s in store for our favorite TV shows, most-anticipated book drops, and most outrageous food personalities in the year 2013? We put our achy heads together and came up with a Braiser-approved list of predictions, which you can sure-footedly cite at your next food-nerd-inundated party, and totally sound like you know what you’re talking about.

Since these two ladies (well, we know one of them is a lady) are at the top of their sex game, we sent them sex questionnaires to see what gets their juices flowing, their souffles rising, their geoducks firming, their… well, you get the idea.