I’m a ‘Ringer’ for ‘Revenge’

I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’m a soap watcher. The other day I was watching an old “All My Children” episode from a SoapNet marathon and the old theme song started to play. It brought me right back to those summers I spent watching soaps with my mom; AMC was our first show of the day. It is going off the air after 41 years on Friday (Monday here, since we are on tape-delay), and I’m not happy about it. ‘One Life to Live’ will follow in January.

Perhaps all those years of soap watching are why I have a high tolerance for crazy plot twists, mediocre acting and rewriting of history (Erica’s not-so-aborted baby, anyone? eww.). I can suspend belief with the best of them: Pine Valley to Los Angeles while another set of characters have dinner…whatever. 24-year-olds without a lick of education running corporations…sure. But never believe someone’s dead unless you have a body (and maybe not even then).

And that is why I welcome shows like the CW’s “Ringer” (you may have heard someone named Sarah Michelle Gellar is in it) and ABC’s “Revenge.”

First up, “Ringer”:

Sure, nobody had that hair nine years ago –and it looked a lot like Bridget’s current hair. And why do people feel the need to tell others their deep dark secrets in voice mail messages?

Kaboom! Siobhan has a stepdaughter — who’s a drug addict! Kaboom! She was having an affair with her best friend’s husband! Kaboom! She’s pregnant — but with whose baby? Kaboom! Not to mention she’s faked her death and pretended to forgive her sister for something involving her dead child.

Meanwhile, Bridget was going to testify against some gangster in Wyoming (!) , but is now hiding in plain sight after taking over the supposedly dead sister’s life. While juggling all the kabooms and the body of a guy who was trying to kill her, but whom she killed first. Gotta love it. That and Ioan Gruffudd’s accent. And the sight of him in a tux.

Nevertheless, I think “Revenge” has more promise. Emily Vancamp’s Emily Thorne is fond of one-shoulder dresses and wants to avenge her father, falsely accused of a crime he didn’t commit. She has a history in this stretch of the Hamptons, but wants to make sure no one recognizes her as little Amanda Clark (including her all-grown-up friend Jack — and that is one great looking, but ancient dog).

Madeleine Stowe’s Victoria Grayson would fit into the cast of one of Bravo’s “Housewives” shows. Her husband cheated on her with her best friend, but we come to find out that she had already cheated on him with Emily’s late father.

Flashbacks within flashbacks (what is this, “Lost”?). Emily’s set to marry Victoria’s son Daniel, but he turns up dead. Is Jack responsible? Who is internet wunderkind (and potential frenemy) Nolan? Mighty convenient that Emily inherits her father’s share of Nolan’s company, making her stinking rich. And why does Emily’s friend need an accent? American actresses need jobs, too.

That reminds me, Jack’s father’s bar is about to be foreclosed on. Hey, rich people aren’t the only ones with problems!