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The former Bad Boy is currently serving his 15-year sentence for a murder he wasn’t sure he even committed until he confessed almost two decades after the shooting.

This week’s New York Magazine shows us an in-depth scope of how Trevell went from signing a record with Bad Boy Entertainment and moving out of the Johnson Houses, only to lose it all to drugs and a troubled conscience.

Highlight’s include:

Coleman on how his guilty conscience never left him – “It wasn’t something I was going through periodically; it was something that was like a knot at all times. Sometimes I didn’t even want to walk with my head up. I just wanted to look down. If I stood up, I felt funny, like, ‘Who am I to be looking up?’”

On getting arrested for drug charges inside 1591 Park where he had shot the man: “Maybe that was my way of confronting that demon. Or maybe I was just becoming that demon. Or that demon was consuming me. That’s how crazy I was getting.”

On turning himself in: “I don’t know how me being incarcerated—I can’t measure how much it makes anything any better. But I just know what I had to do.”

On receiving his 15-year sentence: “I was happy. It sounds crazy to say you were happy about getting a fifteen-to-life sentence, but I was. It just seemed to me like the end of a nightmare … I was living in 1993 for seventeen years.”