Crack Is Wack, but Crack Butter Is Awesome

Here's your obligatory disclaimer lest anyone think I'm humor-glorifying drug use: Crack Is Wack! Just ask Whitney Houston and no, I will not even go there with her. (Even though OMIGOD I SO BADLY WANT TO; have you seen these National Enquirer photos? I'm sooo not supposed to be mean to celebs; sorry sorry sorry Jane. I'm the worst.)

This is what I like to imagine Marion Barry using on his presumably withered, crackpipe-burns! hands (Pete Doherty, too). MB was the mayor famously busted smoking crack with a prostitute in a hotel room in 1991. The best part: he went to jail six months for it, and then -- after a four-year hiatus -- was elected mayor of D.C. again! This is, I feel, the one loveable thing about my corrupt and crime-y hometown. Or at least I love it now -- at 14 I got the hell out of there for prep school and was in New York at 16. D.C. was a damn mess!

Annnnyway, yes -- Palmer's Crack Butter. I really like Palmers Cocoa Butter in all incarnations. I do I do I do. It always smells vaguely coconut-y and delicious; it leaves that oily sheen on my skin head-to-toe which I live for (my favorite lotions are greasy -- the grease goes away after an hour, and then your skin is so soft!). I hate how this stuff gets pigeonholed as "ethnic" and gets put in a different section, though! F*&k that. Drugstore people are stupid. Palmers is fantastic for everyone.

I just read over this post to make sure I didn't say anything offensive, but I'm also sort of retarded (whoops! see?) and never catch myself. Condemn me. Comments section. Go.