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Thursday, 6 October 2005

Alexander Graham Belle de Jour

Lundi 9th Avril

I receive a communication on my new telephonic reception apparatus. “Hullo!” I say, forgetting that the vocalised address, “Hello!” is a far clearer ejaculation for the purposes of telephonic dialogue than that I have not just this very second uttered unthinkingly. (Will I never familiarise myself with the new-fangled jargon necessitated by my astonishing new device?) The distant voice on the other end of the telephonic reception apparatus is unmistakably that of a young lady and she seems most excitable. “Hello big boy! Would you like me to come over and smear your lower portions with cocoa butter and sensuously lick it off before gyrating before you in an obscenely provocative and sluttish manner?”, she enquires. “I am afraid, young lady,", I respond, "that I have an urgent appointment this very evening involving most important matters of great concern with regard to my new telephonic reception apparatus." Something in the distant, echoey voice seems to denote a degree of disappointment concommitant with the dashing of young, slender hopes. I take pity on the poor wee thing. "Really, can’t it wait? How about the morrow?” I plead - somewhat testily I’ll warrant ye.“See you tomorrow, lover boy. If yer lucky, I’ll nosh yer cock off for yer!” The young lady signs off - rather warmly, I fancy.

I am left to marvel at the fantastic and synchronicitous good fortunes afforded one by this eminently practical new telephonic reception apparatus!