Thursday, July 30, 2009

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw someone new. I saw someone strong, someone able, and someone who will survive. Someone who will no longer forsake her own welfare to make others happy. Someone who refuses to beg and nag if those around her refuse to do what's best for themselves. They can handle themselves.

I have always had a mother's soul, it seems. The caregiving, the nurturing, the doing whatever it takes to make those around me try to reach their potential. All of that's good. But with that came the selflessness, the self-sacrifices, blah....

After an extremely trying day yesterday I said "No More!" Other adults, I will no longer coddle or make excuses. I can only be responsible for me. And I *will* only be responsible for ME.

Of course, my disclaimer here... I am a mother, and I do have children. Of course I will continue to mother them.... I'm talking about adults in my life here.

I think women often grasp onto the 'mother' title. Self-sacrificing, woe-is-me, but aren't I such a hard worker to make you all happy??? But when that self proclaimed title spills over and you become a nagger and an enabler to adults, there comes a time when you hit a wall.

My mantra for today is "I am responsible for me".

Have any of you 'been there done that' with any of this? I could use some words of advice/encouragement/observation...

6
comments:

This is so me, Robyn! I was exactly the same way, and I also hit the point where I realized that I am the only person that I need to save. Everyone else in this world needs to make their own mistakes and most importantly, learn to fix them themselves! I hope you feel free-er to live your own life and enjoy life more because of it!

When I decide to change, I have to be prepared for the fact that others aren't expecting me to change and will balk and unwittingly use every trick they can to bring me back to where I was before the change. I have to be consistent and show them repeatedly the new change before they can accept it as the new norm.

My hope is that you (and anyone else making a change) will encouraged to lovingly stick to your guns. Those expecting you to "coddle" them will come to terms with your change.

Robyn i can totally relate, but at a much younger age. I was 16 having to care for 3 kids and myself and take care of my mother at the same time.

That's one of the main reasons why I left North Carolina, I had to live my own life and stop letting other peoples problems keep me down. Having done such I feel I am a stronger person and can stand up to all the people who would try to take advantage of me.

I think a good many of us have been in this same place. Anyone with a loving, nurturing heart get's here sooner or later. Good for you for looking out for numero uno! Someone's got to do it, and no one does it better than you.

Robyn I totally understand where you are coming from. It is so hard to watch others be self destructive, and not try to save them.

As I told my father last night, You have to let people live their life, make the mistakes they are going to make, and hope that they wise up some day. Hopefully they will come through it wiser, and with only minor scrapes.

You are right. Nagging and making excuses for others only encourages more of the same behavior, while making your own life more stressful.

Good for you! You hang in there, and stand your ground. Others will not like having to take responsibility for themselves.