hot travel prospects

Who’s Pumped To Spend A Week With Republicans, In Tampa, In The Summer?

There is nothing more titillating than the possibility of spending a week with wingnut delegates and Mitt Romney in plastic neon boretown Tampa, Florida, the city where oppressive humidity was invented, in August. It’s everything overweight fair-skinned reporters have always dreamed of! And the Tampa Bay Host Committee has released a teaser trailer to help you boner up for all the exciting events they’ve got planned for Republican National Convention week: explosions, explosions, and more explosions! Maybe a lil’ politics on the side too? Tampa’s the place to be, in August.

Will the Republican National Convention be better than The Dark Knight Rises?

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

Smell that? You smell that?
What?
Smegma, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that.
I love the smell of smegma in the morning. You know, one time at CPAC we locked a bunch of Ron Paul supporters in a room for 12 hours and turned off the HVAC. When it was all over, I walked in.We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' Libertarian.The smell, you know that dickcheese smell, the whole convention center. Smelled like
[sniffing, pondering]
freedom. Someday this convention's gonna end…

See, this is why I think they chose it. MittBot's self-contained thermal mediation module will make him seem cool and collected while the entire convention spontaneously combusts.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

Why should the RNC be different from anybody else?

Anyway, Satan prefers those conditions.

nounverb911

Is Satan sending Breitbart to cover the convention?

widestanceromance

Satan would LOVE for Breitbart to have something else to do, just so Satan could pry that sweaty gurgling wretch off his dick for a while.

crybabyboehner

20 years ago they had it in Houston. It was a horrid, hateful event.

EatsBabyDingos

I can imagine. Having lived in College Station as a kid in the 1960's, we used to be appreciative when the wind blew from the west and only smelled like rancid cow poop. This as opposed to when the wind blew from Houston and it smelled like diesel armpit.

Okay Wonketeers in the tri-state area, I wanna see your evac plans by Friday. I can't lose even one of you to Repumpetence (incomplican?) Can't you see I also need you to come up with better portmanteaus than I'm capable of?

Beowoof

August in Tampa, why who could think of a better way to make it worse. Why have a couple of thousand crazy old white fucks show up and start demanding glory holes in all the Mens rooms in town.

Perhaps the UN can be convinced to implement some kind of emergency "Stranger Danger!!" education program for 8 year old boys in the Tampa area.
Failing that, we should probably chip in and build them some type of "de-funking" facility in preparation for the convention, otherwise the entire elementary school population could end up looking like glazed donuts.

MissTaken

Have the Craigslist M4M posts already begun? Nothing worse than getting to the party too late and having to settle for the scraps (ie, GOP women).

With any luck, tropical hurricane "M" for Mittens or "R" for Romney or Republican will be churning off the coast of Florida, gathering enough strength to wipe out the state. Then, Mittens will give his acceptance speech promising to cut federal funding for unnecessary programs like global climate change research, disaster preparedness and aid to the poor, children, the sick and elderly who tend to be the least prepared when a natural disaster strikes their state. I want him to tell people facing death by hurricane how he wants to give tax breaks for the yacht owners and screw the weak.

Do you want to know what the Republican National Convention in Tampa is going to be like this summer? OK, have you ever seen Bob Guccione's Caligula, the full-tilt boogie unrated, uncut version with the fisting and lesbian pissing scene. You have? Good. OK, I want you to imagine that you're an extra in Caligula, except instead of being set in Rome it's set in Florida, and instead of it starring Malcolm McDowell, Peter O'Toole, John Gielgud and Helen Mirren it stars Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Michelle Bachmann and instead of a script by Gore Vidal you have a script written by Ed Wood in the depths of an ether binge, and instead of being directed by Franco Rossellini it's being directed by Uwe Boll, oh and it's hot, humid, infested with gigantic, flying cockroaches and angry white people with guns. Soundtrack by Ted Nugent and Kid Rock.

oldswede

I spent nearly a week in St. Pete Beach one August while my wife attended a professional conference. St. Petersburg and Tampa is the same place, mainly. Gawd it was awful hot and humid. Even the pelicans were too miserable to fly. They just hunched over near the waterline and looked glum.
For added excitement, nearby Clearwater is the corporate headquarters of the Church of Scientology. Count on those guys to be trying to pick off a few unwary GOPpers to convert.
oldswede

Diabeetis

Surprisingly enough, Tampa is a Democratic town. But then that doesn't really mean much, either.

Wile E. Quixote

Thank goodness that Erick, Son of Erick exposed the horrible, evil liberal tactic of SWATting. Now the Tampa P.D. will know that any 911 calls reporting gunfire at or around the convention center while the Republicans are in town are all liberal and fake and stuff and they won't waste valuable police time responding to them.

Will the Republican National Convention be better than The Dark Knight Rises?
Not. Even. Close. Every time I'm at the Muvees and see that trailer, well, in the words of Joe Biden, it sends a tingle up my leg, er I get a hot flash, er, raging hardon? I don't know, but even the wife gets excited. If there's even a 10 minute sequence that's as intense as the trailer, I'll totes shit myself.