The Croissant and the Underachiever

Being productive is the hardest thing I face every day. Maybe skipping out on University and falling asleep every day in High School under my desk trained me to be lazy in my later years. Maybe the thought of prosperity seems so far fetched that I don’t see the point in making that meeting or scheduling that time during the day for working on all the projects I fall asleep dreaming about. Maybe feeling destined for failure is easier than the idea of success and what comes after it. Maybe all these things. My friend watched a lecture on the brain and what happens when you hit your mid to late twenties, the studies found that your mind adapts to whatever it is you spend your time doing every day and starts throwing away the other knowledge that isn’t used regularly. According to this study my brain thinks watching TV series and running are the most important attributes to hold onto. I hope that it’s all pop science and that my brain really hasn’t melted away due to years of mistreatment. I hope it’s not too late to turn it all around.

I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for the underachievers, being that I am one. I love the drunks and the artists, the people who wait for the inspiration to wave hello to them from a passing train, “Oops, missed that one, better wait for the next…back to sleep.” This mentality is damning and fantastically depressing. Meanwhile we watch the go-getters of the world fill up time and space with their shittiness, their worthless talent, their carefully planned attack on tomorrow and the next day. Bitter and angry, this fuels the fire in the giant pit of wallow that is our daily, monthly, and yearly grave.

I wonder if it’s just a personality thing, if we’re born a certain way and unable to change it. I know from personal experience that the times when I was doing well and most active in making a career for myself I felt like I was faking it the whole time. Does everyone feel that way? Are we all just faking it and some better at it than others? Are some people trained to feel worthless when they aren’t working and some trained to feel little worth in being a contributing member of society?

Before you come into my email box and try to give me a virtual hug let me calm your worries. I’ve got a great roommate who inspires me like that god damn runaway inspiration train and she and I are making fucking to do lists and crossing shit off daily. I mean look, I left my house all dressed up to get my favorite croissant in Japan. Look at my happy fucking face. LOOK AT IT.

These croissants are the best in Japan. Flaky and always warm from the oven, you can come eat one if you follow this map.