Some Questions for Doctors

I used to think that the reason doctors called me by my first name while I was expected to call them “Doctor” was because they were so much older than I was. Then I turned 30 and noticed they didn’t stop.

Now I’m older than some doctors, and they keep on calling me by my first name.

Going to the doctor is in itself a demeaning experience. They know about you, but you don’t know about the doctor, and in terms of your own health, you often don’t even know about yourself. Also, just being the one with the fewest clothes on in the room tends to diminish one’s power. Then there are other things, like being in the stirrups, if you’re a woman, or turning to the left and coughing, if you’re a man. I’m not old enough for the bending over exercise that guys eventually have to go through, but that one’s coming, all right. I’m not looking forward to it.

With all that, you would think that the medical profession would want to, as a practice, enhance the patient’s personal dignity, not diminish it. Unless I’m wrong. Maybe making patients small and pathetic is the idea.

1) Do you guys get any classes in bedside manner or patient-doctor etiquette? In other words, are you taught that it’s a good idea to come into a room and start calling me Michael, even if I’m older than you and we’ve never met? Maybe with some people that’s a good idea, but with me it’s not a good idea at all, unless you’re over sixty-five. Seventy would be even better.

2) If you do come into the room and call someone by their first name, what is the intent? Are you communicating that you want to be called by your first name? I always wonder about this. Is the doctor trying to establish a rapport, or will he be offended if I call him Larry? The thing is, I don’t want to get the doctor mad at me, because doctors have ways of taking revenge. On the other hand, I don’t want to be talked to like I’m six years old, especially by somebody who wasn’t even born when I was six years old.

3) If the intent is not to get me to call you by your first name, then what do you think you’re doing? Is there an idea at work here that it relaxes people to be condescended to? That it makes them feel safe? Even if it works that way for some people, it can’t work that way for everybody. Some people want to be treated with the utmost respect, especially when they’re being made to feel vulnerable.

In my column, “Ask Mick LaSalle,” I address people in whatever way they address me. If they say, “Yo, Mick,” I say, “Yo” back. If I’m “Mr.,” then they’re “Mr.” or “Ms.” This seems fair to me. But how many times have you heard this one? “Hello (your first name). My name is Dr. —- (his or her last name).” Lots of times.

Next time I hear that, I’m going to smile and say, “Hey, I appreciate the informality, this is great. What’s your name? . . . No, your first name. Nice to meet you, Larry.”

Update: By the way, these aren’t rhetorical questions, so if you know any doctors, please pass along this page link, because I’d really like to hear from them.