Lemmingization will see us through

Fellow Lemmings,

In recent times, despite the many successes of lemmingization, there have been claims from some malcontents among us to the effect that we, Your Leaders, are not leading you in the right direction. In refutation of these misguided criticisms, we would point out the following:

1. Lemmings have traveled in this direction since time immemorial. Since lemmings are still here, this direction of travel cannot possibly be as dangerous as the critics claim.

2. Recent research has indicated that the depth of the ocean towards which we are traveling may not be anywhere near as great as the critics claim. And anyway, if it is, the depth of the water doesn’t affect our swimming ability.

3. The critics say that things have changed. Of course they have. Things have always changed, so we should continue doing what we lemmings have always done throughout those changes. That is precisely what we are doing now.

4. There is a rumor, spread by lemmings who ought to know better, that leaping into the sea to swim to the Other Shore is dangerous. If that were true, surely one or two of our foreswimmers would have found their way back to warn us of the supposed danger. None did.

5. The even more ridiculous rumor that the Other Shore does not exist has been disproved conclusively by satellite photographs, which clearly demonstrate not only the reality of North America but also Iceland and Greenland as intermediate stopover places on our route.

6. The same lemmings who, a while ago, warned that North America might not exist, now raise the fear that the occupants of North America will not allow us to come ashore. We can assure you unequivocally that this is not true. The North Americans ban only human beings from other countries. There is no ban on lemmings; we expect to fit right in.