Firstly, I'd like to say reading some of your stories makes me realise how incredibly brave some people are. My best friend suffers from bullemia which has developed into an OCD, unsurprisingly. As far as i know she has suffered with it for the past 3 years - starting from it being just watching over her weight until now servere bullemia. It took a lot for her to tell me and I am the only person who knows other than her mum. She told her mum about a year ago and since then I think her mum believes it has been sorted, but she couldnt be more wrong. Along with bulemia she suffers from depression and has recently told me that she has attempted to take her own life twice. Once almost being succesfull after taking ALOT of pain killers before washing them down with vodka, however, she immediately threw them up (THANK GOD!). When she first told me about it I told her to go and see her GP (Shes at uni btw). She was referred to an eating disorder clinicla in which she attended for a while but then stopped because she said it wasnt making it any better(she never told me she stopped).

Whilst all this has been going on shes been diagnoised with malnutirion along with kidney problems. After talking to her the other night about the whole attempted suicide thing she's promised me she'll go if i go with her so thatw aht im determined to do.

Can anyone give me any advice in what I can say/do to make things better?

First up, I'd just like to comment that you are an exceptionally good friend. You have no idea how many people are quite so flippant and passive of mental disorders; many of my friends have seen my own as nothing but some kind of narcissistic pursuit but in reality it couldn't be further removed from the truth.

The devotion you've shown has already gone a long way for this friend of yours, and they will know that.

Now, onto where you go from here. Absolutely refer them to this forum. If they have a yearning to speak about it, a faceless anonymous posting is the single easiest thing to do. No faces, no names, not even voices; there are no prejudices here.

Secondly, talk with your friend deeply; set aside the time to consider all the reasons where the anxieties came from. For example, I realised that, through deep-seeded inherent emotional traits, that I am a being of ambition. I live for ambition, to impress others, to always be moving forward and improving. What this meant is that, when I got my top grades at high school, I wanted top grades in college, when I got those, I wanted a top uni place, when I got that, I wanted the best uni grades, and when I got all of those, I wanted my ultimate job. After getting that, I had nowhere to shoot, and I ended up pursuing a relentless, pointless "beating" of my daily calorific restriction. What has resulted is that it's now so mechanical that it is nigh on torturous to stop the cycle.

But the fact I took that time to be so internal goes MILES in discovering HOW to stop the ED.

Your friend might be incredibly resilient, and even to you, they might lie to your face, but please stick with them as you have done; this is not THEIR lies they are telling. It's a seed of mental imbalance which is telling them down is up, and they will defend it until they finally realise it's not the case at all.

If you can, allow one person you absolutely trust with your life to prepare your meals for you. Out of sight, out of mind. In recovery especially, you know WHERE you're trying to get to, it's the getting there that causes all the grief. For example, when you think, "okay, I'm going to make lunch. A SANDWICH. Okay, that's fine, a sandwich is a normal lunch. I'll just not use butter. Okay, filling. Lean ham. Wafer thin ham. Actually, I'll just use one single slice. I'll pad it out with lettuce. Okay, lettuce. Actually, do I NEED two slices of bread? Ah, I can make it an open sandwich. Actually, I don't need this bread, I can make a salad instead. A nice salad...."

By the end of it you're eating a bag of lettuce and a bit of ham. By being in charge and over-analysing, weighing up, counting, you sabotage yourself without realising.

I had my (at the time) fiance make my take-to-work sandwich for me at the start of my recovery period and it made all the difference, because I truly trusted her. Trust me, these people aren't going to put a block of lard on there and go "nyuk nyuk, they'll be pure lard in no time!!" - they just don't want to see us die. They want to see us healthy again, because they clearly see an ebb of a person they want to spend their time with in who we are now, and just want to see a tiny bit more of us, for a bit more than just a tiny bit longer!!

(Original post by TotoMimo)
First up, I'd just like to comment that you are an exceptionally good friend. You have no idea how many people are quite so flippant and passive of mental disorders; many of my friends have seen my own as nothing but some kind of narcissistic pursuit but in reality it couldn't be further removed from the truth.

The devotion you've shown has already gone a long way for this friend of yours, and they will know that.

Now, onto where you go from here. Absolutely refer them to this forum. If they have a yearning to speak about it, a faceless anonymous posting is the single easiest thing to do. No faces, no names, not even voices; there are no prejudices here.

Secondly, talk with your friend deeply; set aside the time to consider all the reasons where the anxieties came from. For example, I realised that, through deep-seeded inherent emotional traits, that I am a being of ambition. I live for ambition, to impress others, to always be moving forward and improving. What this meant is that, when I got my top grades at high school, I wanted top grades in college, when I got those, I wanted a top uni place, when I got that, I wanted the best uni grades, and when I got all of those, I wanted my ultimate job. After getting that, I had nowhere to shoot, and I ended up pursuing a relentless, pointless "beating" of my daily calorific restriction. What has resulted is that it's now so mechanical that it is nigh on torturous to stop the cycle.

But the fact I took that time to be so internal goes MILES in discovering HOW to stop the ED.

Your friend might be incredibly resilient, and even to you, they might lie to your face, but please stick with them as you have done; this is not THEIR lies they are telling. It's a seed of mental imbalance which is telling them down is up, and they will defend it until they finally realise it's not the case at all.

And of course, we can take it from there.

All my love,

Toto

Thanks for your reply. I've attempted to understand where its all came from and shes said she's not sure herself. She's always 'battled' with her weight since ive known her (ive known her for 10 yrs). shes never been fat, shes never been skinny.

What are your opinions on professional medical treatment? My friend feels like all the medical treatment in the world wont be able to sort it.

I would have been more worried about the vodka to be honest lol. Seems like your friends ED is similar to mines in that they both stemmed from the need to be in control. It sounds like you guys are very close since she divulged her secret ed with you (the people who knew about mines only found out because I wasn't careful enough). As toto said, you could recommend this forum to her (one gripe I have is the fact that some people on here sound very defeatist - myself included some times *hypocrite!*). As well as that, I would recommend Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. I've read several books of bulimia but most seem to talk about the problems of bulimia as opposed to how to solve it(which bob does well). Also, there are several blogs on Psychology Today which tackle diet and eating disorders, some I've found to be very good. My favourite is Sherry Pagoto's blog - "Shrink".

(Original post by TotoMimo)
First up, I'd just like to comment that you are an exceptionally good friend. You have no idea how many people are quite so flippant and passive of mental disorders; many of my friends have seen my own as nothing but some kind of narcissistic pursuit but in reality it couldn't be further removed from the truth.

The devotion you've shown has already gone a long way for this friend of yours, and they will know that.

Now, onto where you go from here. Absolutely refer them to this forum. If they have a yearning to speak about it, a faceless anonymous posting is the single easiest thing to do. No faces, no names, not even voices; there are no prejudices here.

Secondly, talk with your friend deeply; set aside the time to consider all the reasons where the anxieties came from. For example, I realised that, through deep-seeded inherent emotional traits, that I am a being of ambition. I live for ambition, to impress others, to always be moving forward and improving. What this meant is that, when I got my top grades at high school, I wanted top grades in college, when I got those, I wanted a top uni place, when I got that, I wanted the best uni grades, and when I got all of those, I wanted my ultimate job. After getting that, I had nowhere to shoot, and I ended up pursuing a relentless, pointless "beating" of my daily calorific restriction. What has resulted is that it's now so mechanical that it is nigh on torturous to stop the cycle.

But the fact I took that time to be so internal goes MILES in discovering HOW to stop the ED.

Your friend might be incredibly resilient, and even to you, they might lie to your face, but please stick with them as you have done; this is not THEIR lies they are telling. It's a seed of mental imbalance which is telling them down is up, and they will defend it until they finally realise it's not the case at all.

Great advice! Makes me upset when people get the impression I'm narcissistic when I'm in fact, a socially anxious person.

(Original post by .snowflake.)
I know, I knowww, but I'm scared people will find out, then I end up with pity marks, and not the ones I truely earnt, basically. and I don't feel i need mollycoddling, just someone to make sure I don't die/ someone who'll go, babes, get your ass to the doctors, you're not well, when i sit infront of my cupboard, looking at all the food I have and bawling because I can't have any of it. What makes it worse is I don't look ill, I actually do just look fat.

I know how you feel, don't know about you but the more people that try and help the more suffocating it feels and I've always coped with it ok before without the pressures of everyone.

I have an appointment on monday, already dreading it. Especially as I know I don't tick the normal boxes for EDs and I don't want to go through my entire life yet again

I'm sure that isn't true about you being fat but I know saying that makes no difference so big huggles instead

I'm trying to push hard through my anxieties, pulling out all the stops, but have been so busy it's worn me out. I've had a festival, a house party, my nan's golden wedding bash and a sleepover consecutively while working on top, which have all been brilliant don't get me wrong but also meant being out of routine for about a week now, and getting sleep-deprived. I can always tell when I'm overtired because suddenly there's no drive to break boundaries, I feel scared of dessert but I eat it for the wrong reasons, some punishment or test and the like, with a nasty rebound effect on my mood. Doesn't happen to the same degree when I have more energy. I don't want to drain myself to the point where I believe the lies again but it might happen if I keep going on.
But I don't know whether I actually need to get to bed or am just feeling 'tired' from stress. We're surrounded in a culture which tells us not to complain and get on with it especially when it comes to rest, but once I'm beyond a certain point I'm not that pleasant to be round (parents have implied as much) and I lose most of my ambition and independence. Positivity goes out of the window when you can't think straight. These parties have distracted me enough to keep positive but it's hit me hard now I'm alone again.
It all tends to be resolved with a good, early night's sleep, but am I being weak for needing sleep apparently a bit more than the average person/reacting pretty strongly and negatively to lots of late nights? I sometimes wonder it.

I know how you feel, don't know about you but the more people that try and help the more suffocating it feels and I've always coped with it ok before without the pressures of everyone.

I have an appointment on monday, already dreading it. Especially as I know I don't tick the normal boxes for EDs and I don't want to go through my entire life yet again

I'm sure that isn't true about you being fat but I know saying that makes no difference so big huggles instead

-hugging-. It would be easier if we fitted nice and neatly into the boxes, but we don't. It is actually true, promise.

I'm just so scared I'll mess everything up, that my AS and A2 grades weren't **** because I didn't get on with the teacher/ didn't eat properly/ panicked in the exams, but because I'm actually stupid. That my flatmates will hate me/ all be really,really thin (hello, MASSIVE trigger), that I have ended up in a flat of all girls, and its one of the biggest flats in my block (a flat of 11). Mum's suggested that joining the uni gym would be a good idea. There's an offer on for a full 12 month membership, which is reasonably cheap, and I can afford to do it, but I know it could easily end in tears, and its literally around the corner.

Really terrified of going to university, i struggled with bulimia with about 5/6 years but have been clean for over a year (bar one bad day) but i'm freaked out that there will just be too much temptation and I won't be able to sort myself out if I freak out because of sharing a bathroom.

Erm I'm looking for some help or advice about a potential problem that's been bothering me for while now.

Backstory (I'm leaving out details in case of triggering and didn't know how to spoiler so excuse vagueness): I was diagnosed with EDNOS about 3 years ago but have been 'recovered' for about six months now. In that time I have put back on most of the weight I lost and am coping fairly well with it apart from the odd temper tantrum now and again.

I'm going to uni in September and I'm worried about alcohol. I enjoy being tipsy/drunk and going out with my friends but at the moment I only drink about once every fortnight or so, whereas at uni it will be all the time at first, and while I desperately want to get involved and drink and go out, I'm worried my weight is going to start snowballing and I'll start restricting in order to make up for all the alcohol.

I feel like I'm stuck between and rock and a hard place. On the one side I could just not drink and risk missing out on things, or I could drink and possibly slip back into old ways.

Writing this down it sounds really petty and the obvious answer would be to not drink and focus on staying healthy, but I already missed out on going to uni this year when all my friends did because I was still recovering and I'm so sick and tired of missing out on everything!!! I just want a normal student experience and I feel like I'll never have it

(Original post by .snowflake.)
-hugging-. It would be easier if we fitted nice and neatly into the boxes, but we don't. It is actually true, promise.

I'm just so scared I'll mess everything up, that my AS and A2 grades weren't **** because I didn't get on with the teacher/ didn't eat properly/ panicked in the exams, but because I'm actually stupid. That my flatmates will hate me/ all be really,really thin (hello, MASSIVE trigger), that I have ended up in a flat of all girls, and its one of the biggest flats in my block (a flat of 11). Mum's suggested that joining the uni gym would be a good idea. There's an offer on for a full 12 month membership, which is reasonably cheap, and I can afford to do it, but I know it could easily end in tears, and its literally around the corner.

You won't mess things up You definitely aren't stupid and you have an incredible work ethic, one I've envied on several occasions!

I think they generally try and mix up the flats, I can fully appreciate that fear though and can only suggest to make use of all the uni resources available to help you. They will deal with this sort of thing on a regular basis and will be able to help.

Uni will be awesome, just keep going strong and definitely do what I've done and back out of uni

(Original post by letsdothetimewarpagain)
You won't mess things up You definitely aren't stupid and you have an incredible work ethic, one I've envied on several occasions!

I think they generally try and mix up the flats, I can fully appreciate that fear though and can only suggest to make use of all the uni resources available to help you. They will deal with this sort of thing on a regular basis and will be able to help.

Uni will be awesome, just keep going strong and definitely do what I've done and back out of uni

I did ask for a single sex flat, so it could be all girls. Finally found a flatmate, she's also one of my next door neighbours, and she's a dentist, and she's lovely. A friend of mine's boyfriend was in my apartment group last year, and thinks my flat is one of 5. this, I can deal with.

Erm I'm looking for some help or advice about a potential problem that's been bothering me for while now.

Backstory (I'm leaving out details in case of triggering and didn't know how to spoiler so excuse vagueness): I was diagnosed with EDNOS about 3 years ago but have been 'recovered' for about six months now. In that time I have put back on most of the weight I lost and am coping fairly well with it apart from the odd temper tantrum now and again.

I'm going to uni in September and I'm worried about alcohol. I enjoy being tipsy/drunk and going out with my friends but at the moment I only drink about once every fortnight or so, whereas at uni it will be all the time at first, and while I desperately want to get involved and drink and go out, I'm worried my weight is going to start snowballing and I'll start restricting in order to make up for all the alcohol.

I feel like I'm stuck between and rock and a hard place. On the one side I could just not drink and risk missing out on things, or I could drink and possibly slip back into old ways.

Writing this down it sounds really petty and the obvious answer would be to not drink and focus on staying healthy, but I already missed out on going to uni this year when all my friends did because I was still recovering and I'm so sick and tired of missing out on everything!!! I just want a normal student experience and I feel like I'll never have it

Gonna throw this in there, was a fresher in '10 and now gonna be a fresher again in '12, people don't drink truly THAT often. Once a week was normal from what I saw, perhaps the number jumps on Freshers, but that is totally manageable.

Personally I'm going to have been weight recovered 1 year come the beginning of October, same date as when I'm going back to uni. Try putting it behind you. Eating Disorder = Past You. Not current you. It took me a few months passed weight restoration to get my brain back into a good course of action, including not measuring my weight, height or body fat in any way. If given the opportunity, I'm not going to check. Really, you've got to disassociate from the whole thing. Still thoughts may come up, but they are manageable and you can act apart from them.

You are not between a rock and a hard place. That gives the impression you don't know what to do. Manage things as they come along, drink as much as you are comfortable with (nobody is forcing anything) but make sure to stay social. Don't count calories, just work from what your body tells you. Whatever happens, happens.

How do you know when you've recovered from anorexia? I've been 'recovered' for over a year now, but I don't feel like I am in my head. My BMI has been over 17.5 for a long time now, but I don't think the way I think is normal. I don't feel like I've moved on from it and I can't let go. Nobody else understands that though because they assume that because I don't see camhs and i'm a healthy weight that it's all fine. But I still want to lose weight and I get anxious about food and sometimes binge and I spend all my time thinking about it. Am I making a fuss about nothing? I don't understand how I feel, but I feel like I'm lying when I say I've recovered. But I would also be lying if I said I had an eating disorder...

(Original post by Anonymous)
How do you know when you've recovered from anorexia? I've been 'recovered' for over a year now, but I don't feel like I am in my head. My BMI has been over 17.5 for a long time now, but I don't think the way I think is normal. I don't feel like I've moved on from it and I can't let go. Nobody else understands that though because they assume that because I don't see camhs and i'm a healthy weight that it's all fine. But I still want to lose weight and I get anxious about food and sometimes binge and I spend all my time thinking about it. Am I making a fuss about nothing? I don't understand how I feel, but I feel like I'm lying when I say I've recovered. But I would also be lying if I said I had an eating disorder...

In my opinion, eating disorders aren't even about numbers and weight, they're about how you think/feel/lead your life. It seems a lot of your life is still dominated by thoughts and anxieties about food, which, I don't see as fully recovered. It is good that you're not on the brink of death weight wise anymore by having a bit of a better B.M.I but with that mind set it could just as easily drop down. I think it'd be best if you spoke to a GP about perhaps getting some CBT Therapy for the rest of your anxieties.

(Original post by Anonymous)
How do you know when you've recovered from anorexia? I've been 'recovered' for over a year now, but I don't feel like I am in my head. My BMI has been over 17.5 for a long time now, but I don't think the way I think is normal. I don't feel like I've moved on from it and I can't let go. Nobody else understands that though because they assume that because I don't see camhs and i'm a healthy weight that it's all fine. But I still want to lose weight and I get anxious about food and sometimes binge and I spend all my time thinking about it. Am I making a fuss about nothing? I don't understand how I feel, but I feel like I'm lying when I say I've recovered. But I would also be lying if I said I had an eating disorder...

It sounds like you're recovering, you've recovered physically but aren't there mentally yet, if its still bad and you aren't receiving any help any more don't hesitate to ask for some, an eating disorder is a mental condition don't assume physical recovery means its gone you still deserve help for mental symptoms.

Sometimes I want to scream and give myself a good shake... god knows, I need it

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I'm wearing a pair of size 12 straight leg jeans that I bought on sale a few years ago and have never fitted in before - but despite feeling a little happiness all I can think is 'they're too tight/I'm still fat/they should be a size 10/I still look awful.' Sigh.

I remember being 14 and stood in the changing rooms of New Look holding back tears because a pair of size 16 jeans wouldn't fit me, then subsequently having a strop and storming out. I'm never happy.

(Original post by Antiaris)
Gonna throw this in there, was a fresher in '10 and now gonna be a fresher again in '12, people don't drink truly THAT often. Once a week was normal from what I saw, perhaps the number jumps on Freshers, but that is totally manageable.

Personally I'm going to have been weight recovered 1 year come the beginning of October, same date as when I'm going back to uni. Try putting it behind you. Eating Disorder = Past You. Not current you. It took me a few months passed weight restoration to get my brain back into a good course of action, including not measuring my weight, height or body fat in any way. If given the opportunity, I'm not going to check. Really, you've got to disassociate from the whole thing. Still thoughts may come up, but they are manageable and you can act apart from them.

You are not between a rock and a hard place. That gives the impression you don't know what to do. Manage things as they come along, drink as much as you are comfortable with (nobody is forcing anything) but make sure to stay social. Don't count calories, just work from what your body tells you. Whatever happens, happens.

Girl/Boy, you can do it!

Thankyou so much for your reply, I feel like it was what I needed to hear

I've been trying to disassociate myself from it ever since my BMI hit 18, but it can get so hard when everybody associates you with an ED and constantly makes little comments that just push it straight back in your face. On the flipside I haven't weighed myself in almost a month and have no intention of doing so anytime soon

I realise that I can have it both ways, I think I sort of freaked out at the thought when it popped into my head. I've prepared myself for everything else that could cause ED thoughts/actions and the whole alcohol thing just appeared to jump out of nowhere!

But thank you very much again and congratulations for a nearly whole year, that's awesome!!! I've just made myself a promise that when I make it to a year I'm gonna dye my hair blue in celebration (girl btw)

So, I'm going to my fiances soon-to-be aunt's hen party on Friday night and I am really scared this has totally off-set any of the progress I've made since my last, determined post.

I've been doing pretty well this week

Spoiler:

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consuming a total of 1000kcal after exercise (which is 400-500kcal more per day than I was doing)

and I have been eating good foods - fruit, veg etc. instead of the usual a small chocolate square here, or a biscuit there. You know the score.

However, tonight I got told this hen party is on Friday (I forgot), and after asking him who was going I find out that his parent's family friend and their daughter is, and this is what's caused my distress. Now, at least about 6-7 years ago my fiance used to have strong feelings for this girl, and she was a year or two older than him and got him to do some sexual acts with her. I know he doesn't have any feelings for her any more, so I'm not worried about that. Although, I can't help but feel like I need to be better than this girl, I am so insecure about it. She is skinny, and pretty. Finished university, has a career etc. and has known him for way longer than me. My confidence is already at an all time low, and just having this added on top isn't helping. This element of competition is going to be my downfall, and I wish I had someone to blame bar myself - but I don't. My fiance does nothing but make me feel special and loved - never looks at another girl, comments about them, pretends I'm not with him, nothing. He constantly tells me I'm beautiful and he loves me - the works, I'm truly lucky to find someone like him. All this insecurity comes from myself, I get jealous because he liked her before me, was with her before me (although not sex), was close to her before me. I feel like I need to compare myself to her, since the feelings for her were there before the feelings for me. It's ridiculous, I can't even explain it properly.

It's getting me down though, seriously down. All the progress I've made now seems in vain. It's put me off food again, I need to be skinny, not bloated, pretty, better than her when I get there on Friday. I just can't help it.