Coming Soon?

Trump Has Fired Enough Staffers for an All-Trump Season of Dancing with the Stars

From left, by Pete Marovich/Bloomberg, by Win McNamee/Getty Images, from AP/REX/Shutterstock.

Oh, Mooch. We hardly knew ya. On Monday, news broke that newly appointed White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci is leaving his post—just 10 days after his appointment. As disappointing as the news may be to the man who sold his company to work for the White House, he’s probably taking comfort in the fact that he is far from alone. Tons of staffers have exited the Trump administration, and, before that, the now-president’s campaign—some because they were fired, others of their own volition. The turnover rate is enough to make one’s head spin, though at least there are plenty of options for follow-up jobs—like, say, a stint on Dancing with the Stars, which ousted press secretary Sean Spicer is reportedly considering.

In fact, now that we think of it, Dancing with the Stars could air anentire season populated solely with ex-Trump staffers looking for their second acts. Naturally, that raises one crucial question: who would win? Let’s consider the odds.

Anthony Scaramucci

The man of the hour! Listen, we’ve got a feeling this guy can make a hell of a Long Island iced tea—but could he become TV’s next great dancer? As Bruno Tonioli might tell you, one of the keys to being a compelling dancer—especially for TV—is to bring the passion. Based on his profanity-laden phone call with The New Yorker’sRyan Lizza, the Mooch has fire to spare. The tango, we’re guessing, might be his specialty.

But to be a great dancer, one must also have some finesse—and it’s in this category that we’re not sure Scaramucci is up to par. Somehow, we’re just not convinced the guy who shouted into a phone that he thinks Steve Bannon likes to practice autofellatio has the self-control required to be America’s next dance sensation.

Reince Priebus

Another recent Trump dismissal. To be honest, we’re thinking poor ol’ Reince probably suffers from the opposite problem: unlike Scaramucci, who suffers from a surplus of passion and a lack of control, Reince might have trouble unclenching his Priebus enough to pull out a win.

Michael Flynn

Flynn—who clocks in at 58—would be among the season’s older entrance, but that doesn’t necessarily rule him out; Florence Henderson competed when she was 76, and she made it all the way to Week 5! Besides, Flynn has reportedly spent a fair amount of time with Russians; perhaps at some point, they took him to the ballet.

Paul Manafort

Honestly, we’d say that Manafort—one of Trump’s many former campaign managers—has about the same odds as Flynn. (He also has a similar relationship with Russia.) He may face questions about of whether he’s really eligible to compete, considering his current status as a foreign agent; perhaps he should have considered his Dancing with the Stars future before he registered.

Roger Stone

Stone would actually be the oldest contestant of the season, and—some might argue—the most evil. He does already feel comfortable in ridiculous outfits, which could give him a slight edge over the competition—though “Nixon Now” doesn't exactly have a beat you can dance to.

Katie Walsh

Walsh—a former deputy chief of staff who became victim of one of the White House’s many “shuffles”—was known to Priebus as someone who could fix things in a pinch. But how quickly could she pick up the foxtrot? Sadly for ABC, Walsh has returned to the R.N.C. in a senior role . . . which means that unlike many of her competitors, she would have to juggle the demands of Dancing with the Stars with an actual job.

Preet Bharara

All due respect to Bharara; he refused to resign when Jeff Sessions requested that all Obama-era U.S. Attorney appointees do so, forcing Trump to fire him instead. But we’re not sure how such a display of spine would work out for him as a contestant; would Bruno Tonioli have to chase Bharara off the stage during elimination week?

Corey Lewandowski

Remember this guy? CNN hired him right after Trump fired him—and then he quit that job right after Trump won the election. Frankly, we’re not sure Lewandowski has the commitment required of a Dancing with the Stars contestant; the cha-cha demands some serious stamina.

Michael Caputo

We know Caputo has sass, at least; just after Lewandowski got fired, Caputo himself fired off this tweet:

That move, incidentally, got him fired. Whoops! Dancing with the Stars isn’t often plagued by cantankerous contestants who insist they’re “not here to make friends,” but bringing on Caputo could change all that. Trump’s inner (outer?) reality host would certainly approve.

Sean Spicer

According to Page Six,Dancing has actually reached out to Spicer already. Here’s hoping his hips are more honest than his speeches from the lectern. But Spicer should be cautious: there will be no bushes on stage to hide among should he fail at the Viennese waltz.

James Comey

When he testified before the Senate about his investigation into Russian interference in the election—and possible ties between the Kremlin and the Trump campaign—Comey quickly gained unexpected status as the Internet’s “daddy.” Honestly, we’re not sure how that impacts his chances of winning, but we have a feeling he’d have the people’s unwavering support. The real question is which partner would have the best stage presence beside his six-foot-eight frame? Imagine doing a lift and being hoisted almost seven feet into the air!

Sally Yates

Put this woman at the top of your bracket. She’s confident; she’s got the masses on her side; and most importantly, there’s no way in hell she’ll crack under pressure. Best of luck next season, Sally. May the odds be ever in your favor.

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It took less than two days after his inauguration for Trump to hit his first speed bump. After photos revealed a drastically smaller crowd at Trump’s inauguration than at Obama’s first, Trump griped about the coverage during a speech at the C.I.A., and claimed that “a million and a half people” showed up. He later backed down from the remarks, but not before two things happened. First, the world was introduced to Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, whose first, apoplectic, rumpled press briefing became a flashpoint of its own. And second, Trump aide Kellyanne Conway introduced “alternative facts” into the lexicon.

Courts Block Trump Immigration Ban, Part I

In its unanimous ruling, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals refused to reinstate Trump’s original controversial executive order on immigration, which would have suspended travel by non-U.S. citizens from seven predominantly Muslim countries. In a rebuke of the White House, the court argued that the travel ban violated due process and was based on religious discrimination.

Photo: by Stephanie Keith/Getty Images.

Comrade Mike Flynn Resigns

Less than one month into Trump’s presidency, his national security adviser, Mike Flynn,resigned in scandal after it was revealed that he had discussed the sanctions against Moscow with Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak before the inauguration—contrary to what he told White House officials, including Vice President Mike Pence. Flynn has remained a primary character in the enduring Trump-Russia melodrama—most recently coming under scrutiny for failing to disclose payments from the Russian and Turkish governments before joining the Trump administration.

Photo: by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Jeff Sessions Gets Ensnared

Facing escalating pressure on Capitol Hill after it was reported that he met with Sergey Kislyak—the man at center of Flynn’s downfall—twice last year, U.S. attorney general Jeff Sessionsrecused himself from the ongoing F.B.I. probe into the Trump campaign’s ties to the Russian government. Sessions’s announcement reportedly blindsided and infuriated Trump, prompting him leave Stephen Bannon and Reince Priebus behind when he took off for Mar-a-Lago.

Photo: By NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images.

Sanctuary Cities E.O. Blocked

A few months after the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals shot down his travel ban, Trump lashed out at another judge who blocked the administration from stripping federal funding from cities that did not comply with anti-immigration laws. The judge who ruled in the case was not a circuit judge—William Orrick, in fact, is a district judge—but that didn’t stop Trump from threatening to break up the Ninth Circuit altogether, a pre-emptive strike as an appeal of Orrick’s ruling could end up in the circuit court.

Photo: By NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images.

Health-Care Failure, Part II

Once Trump seemingly realized the gravity of his failure to pass a health-care reform bill in the House, the White House quietly tried to resurrect the zombie “Trumpcare” bill as it scrambled to secure a legislative win for Trump before the 100-day mark. The effort failed again—miserably.

Photo: SAUL LOEB

Trump Realizes That The Presidency Is Hard

This was not so much one defining moment, as it was a slow buildup of smaller moments: that time he realized repealing and replacing Obamacare would be difficult (“Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.” That time he realized that China could not curb the nuclear threat of North Korea by itself (“After listening for 10 minutes, I realized it’s not so easy”). But what started off as a Politico report about the frustrations of our president, grew and grew over the past three months and culminated in the perfect statement, given to Reuters, on Day 98: “I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”

Photo: From Getty Images.

Inauguration Crowd-Size Debacle

It took less than two days after his inauguration for Trump to hit his first speed bump. After photos revealed a drastically smaller crowd at Trump’s inauguration than at Obama’s first, Trump griped about the coverage during a speech at the C.I.A., and claimed that “a million and a half people” showed up. He later backed down from the remarks, but not before two things happened. First, the world was introduced to Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, whose first, apoplectic, rumpled press briefing became a flashpoint of its own. And second, Trump aide Kellyanne Conway introduced “alternative facts” into the lexicon.

Courts Block Trump Immigration Ban, Part I

In its unanimous ruling, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals refused to reinstate Trump’s original controversial executive order on immigration, which would have suspended travel by non-U.S. citizens from seven predominantly Muslim countries. In a rebuke of the White House, the court argued that the travel ban violated due process and was based on religious discrimination.

by Stephanie Keith/Getty Images.

Comrade Mike Flynn Resigns

Less than one month into Trump’s presidency, his national security adviser, Mike Flynn,resigned in scandal after it was revealed that he had discussed the sanctions against Moscow with Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak before the inauguration—contrary to what he told White House officials, including Vice President Mike Pence. Flynn has remained a primary character in the enduring Trump-Russia melodrama—most recently coming under scrutiny for failing to disclose payments from the Russian and Turkish governments before joining the Trump administration.

by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Jeff Sessions Gets Ensnared

Facing escalating pressure on Capitol Hill after it was reported that he met with Sergey Kislyak—the man at center of Flynn’s downfall—twice last year, U.S. attorney general Jeff Sessionsrecused himself from the ongoing F.B.I. probe into the Trump campaign’s ties to the Russian government. Sessions’s announcement reportedly blindsided and infuriated Trump, prompting him leave Stephen Bannon and Reince Priebus behind when he took off for Mar-a-Lago.

By NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images.

Courts Block Trump Immigration Ban, Part II

Just hours before the Trump administration’s revised travel ban was set to take effect, a federal judge in Hawaii ruled that the intent of the updated executive order was religious discrimination. The judge used Trump’s own discriminatory words and those of White House aide Stephen Miller to sink the presidential order.

Pool

Trump Wiretapping Fiasco

When Trump tweeted the outrageous claim that Obama had wiretapped Trump Tower—saying it was “Nixon/Watergate” and calling for an investigation into claims he had seen on Fox News—Washington spiraled into an unofficial crisis. Great Britain became furious when Sean Spicer accused the country of complicity in the wiretapping, and Germany wasn’t pleased about being dragged into it, either. Members of congressional intelligence committees refuted Trump’s claims, as did F.B.I. director James Comey. The scandal only went away because Trump never followed through on his threats, having seemingly forgotten about it.

by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

James Comey’s Bombshell Testimony

F.B.I. director James Comey offered a stunning rebuke of a sitting president when he confirmed the existence of a Justice Department probe into the Trump campaign’s ties to the Russian government during a brutal five-hour testimony before Congress in March.

By Aaron P. Bernstein/Bloomberg/Getty Images.

Health-Care Failure, Part I

After a tumultuous 48 hours in which Paul Ryan and the White House tried and failed spectacularly to get enough support for its incredibly unpopular and flawed Obamacare repeal bill—despite an ultimatum from Trump. “It’s enough already,” the president conceded after the Speaker of the House canceled the vote on the legislation in an embarrassing blow to Trump.

by Win McNamee/Getty Images.

Bannon Punted off the National Security Council

Political observers were shocked when it was announced that Steve Bannon, the former chairman of Breitbart turned senior political adviser to Trump, had been granted a spot on the National Security Council at the expense of other, more traditionally senior positions. “Bannon will exercise authority no political adviser has had before. He will be a full participant, not an observer, in national security deliberations,” said David Axelrod, formerly an Obama senior adviser who attended, but did not participate, in N.S.C. meetings. “Under the president's announced structure, Bannon has eclipsed the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the director of National Intelligence on the National Security Council.” It took several weeks before Trump reversed this decision, restoring the council to its normal state. The president was reportedly furious that Bannon had appeared to undercut him by finagling a spot on the council.

by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

Sanctuary Cities E.O. Blocked

A few months after the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals shot down his travel ban, Trump lashed out at another judge who blocked the administration from stripping federal funding from cities that did not comply with anti-immigration laws. The judge who ruled in the case was not a circuit judge—William Orrick, in fact, is a district judge—but that didn’t stop Trump from threatening to break up the Ninth Circuit altogether, a pre-emptive strike as an appeal of Orrick’s ruling could end up in the circuit court.

By NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images.

Health-Care Failure, Part II

Once Trump seemingly realized the gravity of his failure to pass a health-care reform bill in the House, the White House quietly tried to resurrect the zombie “Trumpcare” bill as it scrambled to secure a legislative win for Trump before the 100-day mark. The effort failed again—miserably.

SAUL LOEB

Trump Realizes That The Presidency Is Hard

This was not so much one defining moment, as it was a slow buildup of smaller moments: that time he realized repealing and replacing Obamacare would be difficult (“Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.” That time he realized that China could not curb the nuclear threat of North Korea by itself (“After listening for 10 minutes, I realized it’s not so easy”). But what started off as a Politico report about the frustrations of our president, grew and grew over the past three months and culminated in the perfect statement, given to Reuters, on Day 98: “I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”