Your idea of self-care might be as simple as showering when you’ve got little ones crawling the walls. It might be as basic as drinking enough water or remembering to eat. It might be as nurturing as a massage or some quiet time to yourself. But how it looks is inconsequential to your willingness to make it happen. Continue reading “There is NO Excuse for Neglecting Yourself (let me show you)”

I’m over on the always wonderful, Kind Over Matter, sharing some words of wisdom for those newly self-employed sisters.

I find that business – like relationships, like parenting, like our health, like Life – comes into our world for one true reason. Not to make us money. Not to make us happy. But to make us grow. To show us what we get to learn.

I got (and still get) to learn a lot. In all my adult years, I’ve only been self-employed. This means 13+ years of Spiritual Growth coming at me masked behind the costume of Big Ideas. It’s been intense, exasperating, liberating, enlightening, exhausting, exciting, and mind-blowing (depending on the day or the lesson or the way I approached it).

Anytime someone is starting a business, they tend to ask questions like “How do I find the right business name?” or maybe “What do you think about this color scheme for my branding?” Necessary questions, for sure.

But what I really want to do is invite them in for tea, show them to the nearest cushy seat, and share some hard-earned sisterly wisdom. Not to freak anyone out, or turn them off from business. But to help them see through the easy parts – the excitement and fun of getting started – to the real gift of self-employment: the ways in which you get to expand. And also to share with them the wisdom I wish I had had from the very beginning so they can move through it with more grace and fewer bumps or stalls along the way.

I’m in a rather interesting place in Life. “Surrender”, my guiding word for the year (but really since last fall), has seeped deeply under my skin. It’s ironic that it’s such a seemingly passive word but so very forceful in my compliance to it.

I simply can’t NOT surrender.

Life and this current path is not allowing me to do anything that is not in total alignment, that does not come from my core, (that does not challenge the shit out of me in my ability to trust and allow and accept).

I begin to pull myself back into habits or “Well maybe just this once” and it snaps me back to me center like a brand new rubberband – sometimes including the sting.

Paradoxically, it’s been challenging and easy. It’s been all flow and simplicity, but with up-bursts of fear and panic and WTF.

And every single time my head starts spinning, I brought back around to Surrender.

In that Surrender has been a practice of self-acceptance – surrendering to Who I Am, what I need, what is a fit for me and what isn’t.

I’m letting go of things, releasing what I was once excited about, admitting that it’s not the ideal I assumed it was. My work has changed. Our family has changed (radically and in hard and beautiful and humbling ways that I can’t fully process and articulate yet). My perspective has changed.

My self-communication has changed.

I like to say Yes! – in fact, I sometimes find myself jumping in and committing before I’ve really sat with it. I have caught myself many times ignoring that Echoing Stillness within whispering that the answer is, in fact, a No.

Case in point: Speaking at conferences.

I knew about a month ago that speaking is out for me. I don’t enjoy standing in front of a crowd, talking TO them. I want to sit within a circle, and speak WITH them. I want to dive in together, to create and hold space for deeper communication to take place, to guide and ask hard questions and receive hard questions that have no answers.

So when the request to speak at this year’s Rethinking Everything conference came in, I was already quite comfortable saying no to speaking and yes to facilitating a circle.

But just as I was about to say “Yes, I’m in!” Life and its little instigator, Surrender, snapped me back to my core, my spirit, my center so I could hear that inner guidance that won’t let me go astray.

It ached a little to admit it was a “no”. To sit with the thoughts and fears that arose, of sitting out instead of standing out. To acknowledge my Highly-Sensitive nature would be at its worst with two birthdays, an anniversary, a family reunion, and air travel already in August. To honor my needs for quiet and white space in the months ahead.

To honor my heart as it whispered a tender no.

Honoring what is a no for us doesn’t always feel wonderful.

Sometimes there is a pang as we release what we wish would fit in order to practice or embrace what actually does.

Sometimes we don’t want to say it aloud, afraid of what it will say about us (that we can’t hack it, that we’re not good enough, that it means XYZ), afraid of the stories running in the background of our mind, afraid what will come of it if we miss an opportunity or back out of the party.

Sometimes honoring our No will mean listening to all those stories that arise with our answer. Examining them with self-compassion and gentleness (without buying into the idea that their presence is somehow saying something terrible about us), so we can release them.

But honoring a No also means noticing the Yes we are honoring in ourselves too.

By my saying No to a conference (my favorite conference, I might add, one we all freaking love) means saying Yes to a month of celebration without stress or overwhelm. It means saying Yes to down time and deeper connection and the slower pace we nomads have been craving. It means honoring the Yes to self-love and self-acceptance, a Yes to allowing my highly-sensitive nature the environment in which it thrives.

P.S. The above journal page? I knew I had some stuff to DIG IN to and process but had no words for them. I had no idea what was going to come out but am falling in love with the way art journaling has added another tool to my own Digging Deep process. As soon as I started creating it, I could tell I was putting down on paper exactly where I am in surrendering to the work-life balance shifts that have been happening in my world. If you’re working through the Digging Deep process yourself and ever feeling stuck because the words won’t come, I can’t recommend enough the power of playing with color and texture. The words will often come later (as these ones are – I’m filling in that page above with the words now).

I like to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and that echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

What you pour into a relationship, pours out.

If you pour in empathy, love, compassion, patience, support, generosity, kindness, strength, self-respect…you will slowly begin to see those things pouring back out from those you love.

What you pour into a child, pours out.

If you pour in autonomy, respect, honor, presence and engagement, passion, kindness, generosity, honesty, stability…you will witness the growth of a child who pours that back into their world and your relationship.

What you pour into your work, pours out.

If you pour in passion, authenticity, boundaries, honesty, a desire to make a difference and thrive, trust, trust, and more trust…you will experience work that fulfills you and allows you to thrive in those things and abundantly.

What you pour into your own heart, mind and body, pours out.

If you pour in kind words, gentleness, self-respect, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, fun, generosity, nourishment and nurturing…you’ll feel alive, vibrant, joyful, beautiful, worthy and at peace with Who You Are.

But here’s the catch.

If you do this just to get what you want out of your body/self or others, the whole thing crumbles.

Give because of Who You Are and who you want to be. Not to manipulate, but to love better.

Every Friday or so I intend to share some of the quotes I post on Twitter and Facebook, with some of my expanded thoughts and feelings on it here.

“Organic Wisdom” is what I have found speaking to me in those quiet moments, that guides me and echoes Truth in my life. Please feel free to download, or share this image in any way you’d like.

Oh man, this was a difficult one for me to embrace.

But the words kept coming back to me, looking me square in the face and gently nudging me to take accountability for the relationships I helped to create.

“Others will love and honor you how you love and honor yourself.”

It was asking me for the raw truth, to look at how I’ve shown others my own value…not in my demands or retorts or reactions, but in my deeper responses.

This was my request from Life to DIG IN to the ways in which I had not – still have yet – to learn to love, honor, forgive and accept myself.

:: Each time I was hurt by another, I was shown how I hurt myself.
:: Every time I thought I was being neglected, I saw how I ignored my own heart, body, spirit.
:: Each unkind word began to resemble my own unkindness in my thoughts.
:: Every time I thought I was being taken advantage of, I saw how little I did to honor my own needs.

(The same would be true of showing me how well I love them, which also came back around to love me. Because the only time I struggle to love others is when I’m first struggling to love myself.)

The truth is when we love and honor ourselves one of two things will happen:

Like a mirror others will reflect the same love and honor. They’ll see the strength and beauty of our spirits and never assume we are worthy of anything less.

Or, others will do the best they can with the tools they have. But we’ll feel so full of love and acceptance for ourselves that their attempts will have no impact on our ability to remain centered, in peace and compassionate toward them or us.

You want to know how well you love yourself? Look into the eyes of the mirrors in your life.

Several weeks ago I had a little bird in my ear telling me I needed to do something for Mother’s Day to share here. It, of course, didn’t give me any hints and just left me hanging for awhile. So I made a little note on my To do list and just wondered each time I saw it, with a bit of trepidation in my heart because really…do I need any more projects?

But I leaned into Trust that what needed to come forth would come and would do so at just the right time.

Well then Monday rolled around and Justin and I went on a nature walk and came to the end of a path and sat on the makeshift log-bench and watched the scenery while the dog ran around and I verbalized all my thoughts. I had thought of launching the parenting e-course or another paid product but I knew enough people would be talking about things you could buy yourself for Mother’s Day and I heard a little pang of “No, yours needs to be a gift.”

I thought to myself, “These are the women who give all the time. I want to give them the gift of receiving. I want to fill their cups.”

And as he and I spoke together the words just came out, “I think I’m going to create a little mini-meditation.”

A little bit of wisdom, a little bit of love, a little bit of breathing room is what I really want to offer you.

Later that day I sat down with my journal and allowed myself to process around what needed to come through me, who it was for, what it would say, what it would be called and got a very clear directive, “Don’t think about the words and the details now. Just sit down to record, and hold in the heart the women you most want to speak to, then speak.”

So I did just that. I climbed in the back of my sound studio (the backseat of the truck), closed my eyes, started the music in my ears and brought to my heart my mama and my tribe of sister-friends and you out there.

And then I spoke the words that needed saying.

It’s not perfect. It’s not earth-shattering, except maybe for a few women who will receive it. The mini-workbook even has typos that I have no intentions of fixing.

But it’s filled with love. A gift from my heart and my wisdom straight to you.

:: A 24 minute meditation to allow you to rest, breathe, absorb and tap into what fills your spiritual cup
:: (Don’t have 24 minutes? The first 7 min were serendipitously created to standalone as a micro-mini retreat, a moment to catch your breath and stop wearing your shoulders like earrings.)
:: And a workbook filled with wisdom, affirmations, prompts and ideas to help you keep your cup full all year long.

And best of all?

It’s FREE.

Yes, free. A gift for you to receive.

No catch. No strings. Just something to open your heart to…

A moment of stillness. A pocket of peace. The knowledge and a few tools to feel vibrant and energetic.

P.S. It’s not just for mamas. It’s for all woman who give so much to the world around them and would like a little more practice receiving.

P.P.S. If you want to upload the MP3 to your iPhone you can do so by opening it in iTunes, right-clicking and converting to AAC version, then syncing that version!

P.P.P.S. Do you know another incredible woman with an incredible heart who could use some soulful cup-filling of her own? Please please please share this using the buttons below!

Parenting is hard. Damn hard at times.

And we can stand to share and learn all the tools possible to guide and nurture our children (without losing our minds) as we can get our hands on.

But if those tools are based on power-over or carrot-and-stick, we’re just teaching our children the things they’ll need to unlearn later in life to be intrinsically motivated and able to form healthy relationships.

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I'm a life coach, writer, and a lover of travel, good wine, colorful hair, and my brand new cello. I've written the Digging Deep Toolbox, showing people how to overcome the bullshit that keeps them stuck and I talk about living an incredible life. Complete with Bucket Lists that actually get finished and relationships that leave us laughing more than fighting. Read more about me...

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Who Is The Organic Sister?

About Me

I'm Tara Wagner, creator of Digging Deep, and a mentor and guide to women in the process of changing their lives from the inside out (but finding themselves confronting blocks or self-sabotage that arise along the way).
Read more about me here...