Judge offers advice on how to survive family court

It’s the blunt warning from a former judge to warring partners in the Family Court.

Former Federal Circuit Court Judge Stephen Scarlett tells A Current Affair that decisions have gone against people in property and custody matters because of what they put on social media.

“So often we'd hear these things in Court and then mum or dad would get on Facebook and say the most outrageous things thinking the Judge would never find out - oh boy did the Judges find out,” says Mr Scarlett who now works as a barrister and mediator.

“I had a case where a women was trying to get her husband out of a granny flat on her property and she was saying she was frightened of him.” He says.

“Then the other side produced copies of all these text messages that she used to send him normally from eleven o'clock on, I think after she’d had a few drinks and they contained the most vile abuse, some of it was so disgusting and I thought this lady is not at all frightened of this husband so yeah get off Facebook, get off Twitter. If you send a text message work out it's going to be on the front page of the Sydney Morning Herald or Channel 9."

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The pitfalls of social media is not the only advice on offer to people finding themselves tied up in family court action which can take years to resolve.

“My advice would be, if you can afford it, to get a good lawyer”, says former Family Court Judge Peter Rose QC.

Clearly a good lawyer is going to cost money – a lot of it - with some people saying they have spent more than $100,000 to fund court actions.

So Mr Rose QC says you should try mediation using an experienced private practitioner at the earliest possible time. Another option is arbitration which may also be expensive but at least you’ll know exactly when it will take place and how much it will cost before you walk in the door.

“There are arbitrators around who have got many years of top quality experience in the practice of family law,” says Peter Rose QC .”They can save people many years of stress in waiting for their case to be heard and whose decisions are still subject to review in any case.”

Stephen Scarlett also says people need to be honest.

“Be honest with your lawyer don't lie, tell your lawyer everything,” says Mr Scarlett. “And try to be polite as possible to the ex-try not to send out rude messages to inflame them if you can't say anything nice don't say anything."

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Author and family law mediator Zoe Durand has just written a book called ‘Inside Family Law’ she says the adversarial nature of Court which deliberately pits couples against one another is a flaw in the process.

“The system create that winners losers mentality which I do think can be problematic, especially in parenting matters,” says Zoe.

According to Zoe one way to speed matters up can be to make lawyers more accountable.

“People should be saying to their lawyers ‘what are you trying to do to resolve my matter?’ How can we get off this, as one parent called it, "litigation bus"?

So from the experts basic tips to avoid the “litigation bus” are:

*try mediation first

*consider arbitration instead of Court

*keep your lawyers on their toes by constantly demanding to know what they are doing to resolve the situation

*Be honest with your lawyers up front about any issues

*Be nice and don’t slam your former partner on social media because it will be used against you