I was messaging back and forth with a reader of OffQc who was curious to know how to say “tic-tac-toe” (exes and ohs, noughts and crosses) in Québécois French. He wanted to know if the game is called morpion in Québec.

The game is called tic-tac-toe in Québec. On the other hand, you may hear the French call the game morpion instead.

But that word — morpion — is in fact used in Québec. But it means something else, something much more blood-suckingly sinister.

Crabs.

Not the seafood kind of crabs, but the in-your-crotch kind of crabs. The STD kind of crabs. Not gonna post a picture here, don’t worry.

That’s because crab lice are called morpions in French. Both the Québécois and the French call crab lice morpions.

Here’s a page from the Québec Ministry of Health about morpions, if you’re interested. It’s an easy read geared towards younger people, where you can pick up some vocab about the subject, like:

The website, called À bien y penser (When you think about it), is more generally about protecting yourself during sex. There’s a French and English version; you can refer to the English when you don’t understand the French. I’m not sure how long it will stay up in this current version, so check it out sooner than later if you want to learn more vocab in this area.

When you think about it… with a condom, there’s no need to hold back. À bien y penser… avec un condom, pas besoin de te retenir.

A condom with my ex?
I’ve just got back together with my girlfriend again. We didn’t go out together for a few months, but before that, we were together for a year. We didn’t use a condom because she was taking the pill and we were faithful to each other. Some people have told me that she’s been with other guys since we broke up. We’re supposed to see each other on the weekend and I was wondering if I should use a condom. Thank you in advance for your answer.

je viens de reprendre avec ma blonde
I’ve just got back together with my girlfriend