The Last Time You Crapped

It’s a sign of the times when a site that aspires to be as aloof from the fray (and as fluffy as a Dior tulle ballgown) as PFC is forced into commenting about an event as nonsensically monumental as the K-Stew/R-Patz split. To be honest, we are so out of the Twihard loop that we had no idea they were called that. (The only portmanteau/morpheme we can think of that is worse than either K-Stew or R-Patz is ‘blog’ from ‘web log.’)

We don’t know Stewart personally, but our guess is she’s remorseful about the affair and Pattinson leaving, but totally overjoyed she’s finally cleaning shop of some of those absolutely bat-shit crazy fans of hers. As Uproxx.com reported today, one of her main fan sites, KristenStewart.net, has shut down operations. The admins offered this soppy, sanctimonious statement of resignation:

Dear followers and readers,

Due to personal reasons the current admins of KristenStewartDaily will be stepping away from the site. It was an amazing and fun ride being here providing you with news on Kristen Stewart. However, due to recent events and personal beliefs, we cannot remain admins of this site and condone the actions taken by the actress. It’s no Robsten or Nonsten drama. We as admins just can’t support and condone someone who would cause so much heartbreak not only to the person she loves but to another family as well. It would be hypocritical of us to continue posting here like everything is okay when in our hearts we don’t support her actions.

You may be saying we’re not true fans for turning our backs on her but this is how we feel and we are being honest to ourselves.

We hope things get sorted out for all parties involved but for now, this is us saying goodbye to this site.

Sincerely,

Karen, Karee and Angie

On behalf of reasonably sane people everywhere, we at PFC accept KaKA’s collective resignation, and wish them all the best in their new lives getting lives.

Our very own James Tuttle stumbled on another, vaguely humorous piece from Fashionista.com, about the seven stages of grieving for the failure of the relationship. We agree that he could have done it better and funnier—we have since vowed not to let other sites grab all the high-concept pieces any more, right after we make this a full-time job and can hire assistants to put together those fakakta slide decks, which take two hours each to assemble, not including research and downloading. (Launch Fashionista SLIDESHOW HERE.)

But the videos online are what’s best. Chris Crocker began a tradition of public lament for celebrities on YouTube with his desperate, lacrimal “Leave Britney Alone” video. He has now moved into pop songs and maybe porn. A British Fat Chickis gaining almost equal popularity with her similarly toned, less-queeny “Leave Kristen Alone” video below. If nothing else, we applaud her reasoning:

“You wouldn’t walk into a shop and ask the sales assistant, ‘When was the last time you crapped?’ Because, let’s face it, that’s inappropriate; that’s someone’s personal information.”

Oh, British Fat Chick, you are the best. May you have a voice like Susan Boyle‘s and get a recording contract from this. But, please, no porn.

At the end of the day, we’re telling everyone to relax: They’ll get back together. Don’t forget, he’s British, so way cooler about these things. And, after all, K-Stew and R-Patz are the L-Tay and R-Burt of our times.

Disagree with your assessment that the Vessel doesn't take its inspiration from step ghats, @kimmelman. It's a very clear reference to Jaipur's Chand Baori. Tarsem Singh's The Fall would illustrate it better than a Google Image search.

Next July 4th, when the tired old memes of the Queen agreeing to take America back into the British fold make their rounds, maybe the UK should finally consider statehood instead. #Brexit #GangThatCantShootStraight