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Orgasms: sometimes reaching one seems as complicated as reaching the magical land through the closet in “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe”—the tiniest wrong turn, or speed, and you just won’t get there. But, they aren’t all scary: there are some really great facts about the big O! Plus some comforting ones. Here’s what we learned from WomansDay.com.

While Valentine’s Day is a great deal about showing love to your partner, getting flowers and candy, and all that sweet Hallmark jazz, just as you get candy for Halloween and gifts for Christmas, you get some sex for Valentine’s Day. Well, hopefully you will, if not, that’s cool too. But in your enthusiasm about the day of love, don’t find yourself in a position you’ll regret. Like being booty to booty with your man or falling on your head in an attempt to do a handstand to assume a sexual position. Sometimes it’s nice to keep it simple, and other times it’s nice to spice things up. But don’t jack things up (especially your body) when trying to show your wild side. So if your man wants you to try these nine moves (some have links to actual photos of the move), as they say in D.A.R.E., just say no.

*Be prepared for some really PG talk and references to the female and male anatomy, because WordPress doesn’t play that…

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Cosmopolitan just completed a poll on large number of 18- to 35-year-olds to find out their thoughts on first dates, sex and what both men and women perceive of them. And the answers definitely fly in the face of some of the older truisms we were taught to believe, such as "don’t have sex until the third date," among other things. The first and most interesting detail was how different women’s perceptions were of their actions vs. what men actually felt. For example: 82% of women believed that men think less of a woman who has sex on the first date, but among the guys polled, 67% said exactly the opposite — that they don’t feel that way at all. 38% of women and 44% of men admitted to having sex on the first date, and 65% of women said that they would have wanted to at some point, but held off because they didn’t want to give the wrong impression.

There’s a reason why you and your wife of 20 years don’t ravage each other anymore, and it isn’t for your lack of trying. According to a new study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, women in a committed relationship report lower levels of sexual desire over time—a .02 percent decrease every month—while a guy’s desire stays the same. (Yet another reason to start with a lusty woman to begin with!)

“Some research suggests that somewhere between 6 and 30 months, relationships switch from passionate to compassionate—more affectionate than ripping each other’s clothes off,” says lead study author Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., a sex researcher at the University of Guelph in Ontario.

So are you to blame for her lack of lust? Not necessarily, Milhausen says. “For women with a lower sex drive in the first place, the switch to a deeper emotional bond may reduce some of the excitement associated with sex in new relationships.”

Still, you’re not exactly helping matters. We asked several sex experts to shed light on the worst things you do around the house and in the sack that turn her off. Vow to never commit the following mood-killers again—try to Banish These Bad Habits, too—and your sex life will suffer no more.

1. Ignoring Her Appearance “Guys in long-term relationships tend to stop noticing when their partner looks pretty, and so much of female sexual desire is tied to a sense of self-esteem,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex counselor and author of She Comes First. The fix here is simple: Pay her a few simple compliments every day, like letting her know she’s sexy, Kerner says.

2. Putting Her Under Pressure Don’t worry or question her about getting orgasms, says Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow. Stay relaxed and focused on playful touching, she advises. “This means no performance pressure on either of you. Let whatever happens happen in its own time—or not. Good sex is about connection and sensual satisfaction, not number of orgasms produced.” And here’s a nice added benefit to staying calm: “The relaxation is good for erections,” says Robinson.

3. Using Porn As a Benchmark It’s good to keep the sex hot—but it’s more important to keep it real. In other words, forget that cool move you caught on XTube. ”Just because you saw a sexual practice in a film doesn’t mean it’s safe or satisfying,” says Robinson. And it might not even be something she’s into. “If you need extreme stimulation to perform with a partner, you may want to cut back on overstimulation. A desensitized brain can also find sex less arousing. As you restore your brain to normal sensitivity, regular sex behaviors become enjoyable again.” Time to rediscover the wonders of the missionary position.

4. Leaving Her Lips Hanging As men get comfortable in a relationship, their approach to foreplay tends to focus on the moments leading up to sex, says Kerner. “But female desire doesn’t operate like a light switch that turns on and off—it’s more like a dimmer,” he says. Small acts of intimacy like hugging and kissing can get her in the mood. But don’t get antsy: “Don’t expect her to be immediately turned on,” Kerner says.

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Friends? Lovers? Or somewhere in between?

At one time in our lives, most of us have contemplated entering into an infamous "friends with benefits" agreement. If you’ve seen recent rom-coms including Friends with Benefits or No Strings Attached, you know just the type of dynamic we’re talking about. It’s the old filler — relying on a close friend for sexual stimulation until the right person comes along.

It sounds far too simple. And it can be — for some people. Here are tried-and-true guidelines for keeping things clear cut between you and your new FWB (friend with benefits). Maybe you can have the best of both worlds.

Friends with Benefits: The Rules

People who have casual sex with a friend must follow certain rules to make the situation work well.

Rule #1: Set Clear Expectations

You must discuss what you expect out of the sex you have with your friend. That includes telling him that you do not want to be his girlfriend, and you do not want to feel obligated to do anything for him. The sex will only be about the sex, and not about the friendship or it turning into a relationship.