Hold onto your butts. Nicolas Cage is in talks to star in a snazzed-up "reboot" of the Left Behind series, those Christian action-adventure books turned into movies (starring Kirk Cameron) about the post-Rapture world. So, yes, Nicolas Cage is going to succeed Kirk Cameron in a movie role. In a religion-tinged (or drenched) story about the End of Days. And when I say "snazzed-up" I mean "made for $15 million instead of the six bucks and a couple of buffalo nickels that the original Kirk Cameron movies were made for." So this really going to be something. Nicolas Cage shrieking at the heavens for a largely Christian moviegoing audience (I mean, we'd assume, right?) and ultimately teaching us a lesson about salvation and the end times, which are surely upon us. (That's why we gotta have the chosen people in Israel!) This ought to be fantastic. And, ironically, it might actually bring about the real-life Rapture. It's quite possible that old crusty God up there in his space temple (or wherever he lives) might stir from his millennia-long slumber, awoken by Cage's screeching, and say "Huh, what? How long has it— Why didn't someone wake me up?? What the hell is that noise?? Aw Christ. Seriously, where is Christ, he's gotta get down there, this is absurd. Get me my robes, no not those ones, the good ones. Dammit, Diane, I told you to have them cleaned. And someone was supposed to wake me up, like, literal ages ago. Where are my glasses, no I don't have time for the contacts. Who is that guy down there anyway? Nicolas who? Well, not for long he isn't." It might be time, guys. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Speaking of the end of the world, Miley Cyrus' appearance on Two and a Half Men last night, playing a girl that both Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer (eyugh) lusted after only to wind up in the arms of the half-man played by Angus T. Beefburger, gave the series a spike in the ratings, up 14% from last week with 13.6 million viewers. (Compare that number to, say, 30 Rock's from last night to get good and depressed.) Miley still commands attention, I guess. Maybe it's because, as Deadline says, Cyrus is "a sitcom pro." Which... Uh, well, OK, yes technically in that she was paid to be on a sitcom for many years, making her a professional, but "pro" in the colloquial sense usually implies some high degree of competence which, if you watch the clips, or literally anything that Miley Cyrus has ever acted in, doesn't quite fit. So she's more like a sitcom... old-hand? No, not quite. Sitcom veteran. That might work, though that implies some air of valor or nobility or something. How about "frequent sitcom troll"? Common sitcom urchin? Something. Who knows. Point is, people weren't tuning in for Miley's chops, they were tuning in because it's Miley Cyrus and people are curious about that. That still counts for something, but let's not run around calling people "pros," OK? [Deadline]

Spike Lee's probably unnecessary remake of Korean revenge cult classic Oldboy will be released a year from this month, with Josh Brolin (wrote James there for a second, ha ha, can you imagine) in the lead and Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley, and Samuel L. Jackson supporting. While it's certainly OK to be curious about this movie, what you really should be excited for is the English-language debut from the original film's director, Chan-wook Park. That movie, Stoker, comes out this spring and looks fan freaking tastic. [Entertainment Weekly]

The creators of that weird Memphis Beat show, the one with Jason Lee as an Elvis impersonator/cop, have sold a new show to CBS. The show is called The Big Easy, and is about "the complex life and cases of Jack Lyons, a hard-living trumpet player and paranormal investigator with a dark personal tie to his work." Haha, OK, so it's Treme: The Ghost Mysteries, basically. Terrific. David Simon is going to be thrilled about this one. I mean, he'll be happy that work is coming to Nola, if indeed that's where they're filming, but otherwise? Uh oh, watch out. Also, do we really need this show? Another supernatural procedural? I mean, a trumpet-playing ghost detective sounds kinda fun, I guess, but given that CBS is interested, how good can it be? (Says the dude who simply loves, or OK really likes, Elementary.) [Deadline]

Here's a new-ish trailer for Skyfall, the upcoming Jimmy Bond movie. It's more of the same shooty-shooty, moody-moody, though we do get to hear a little more from one of the Bond girls and, I think, some more from the main villain. Getting pretty antsy about this movie. It's starting to look a little like The Dark Knight without all the rubber and latex, don't you think? And is that a good thing? What has Chris Nolan done to the high-end action movie? We'll have to wait and see.