GRANDPA’S FAITH AND FEAR

As I write this on a Sunday afternoon in early April 2002, our first grandbaby Julia remains in the special care nursery at the hospital where she was born five long days ago. Her parents, Melanie and Michael, are staying at the hospital, although Melanie has been officially discharged as a patient. It seems that Julia’s temperature is lower than normal and her heart beat is slower than usual. The neonatologist says this is cause for concern and caution but not necessarily for alarm. We hope to hear from a pediatric cardiologist tomorrow when tests are analyzed.

We grasp at positive comments, we cling to every hopeful tidbit of information, but the truth is that we are physically and emotionally exhausted and scared speechless. Why is this happening to us? Melanie was a prenatal poster Mom — taking vitamins, exercising, shunning caffeine and even pain medicine. We all trust in God and serve him. Julia looks “perfect” and her bodily functions are all working. Of all the babies in the hospital nursery, why was Julia singled out for difficulty? Why has this event, normally so filled with joy, become so clouded with anxiety instead? We have no answers to such questions. We pour out our hearts to the Lord — our questions, fears . . . and faith.

Faith — in spite of fear? Yes! Faith does not mean always being on an emotional “high.” It is not a flippant “all is well with the world” in spite of troubles. Faith means that we bring the troubles to God. He is still God, and the only living God, besides whom we have no one else to turn. We beseech him for the best, but he is God and we are not. We beg his healing mercies, for he is our Creator. We plead for his strength and presence, for we are weak, tired and frail. We entrust ourselves — and especially baby Julia — to his gracious power, for nothing is impossible for him.

We say with the Psalmist, “Be gracious, O God . . . . When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee. . . . Put my tears in Thy bottle; are they not in Thy book? . . . This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise. In God I have put my trust” (Ps. 56:1, 3, 8-10).