Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Medal Mailbag

I'm trying to be better about responding to e-mails, so when I got the following two amusing notes about the Gold Medal (rather different in tenor than the very kind words so many of you have sent) I decided it behooved me to immediately give them the responses they deserve.

(I quote verbatim.)

From J* in Kansas

Dear Franklin,

I am sorry to see that when you made the medal you put a naked person on it. My children and family look at my blog and so do members of my church. I worked hard and I really wanted this medal and now I can't use it. I can't put a naked picture on my blog. I wish you had thought of how other people live when you made a medal that is supposed to be for everybody.

Dear J,

I know just what you mean. I can't count the number of times I've had to answer the door or the telephone while cooking and come back to find my rice had burned and left a nasty black stain on the bottom of my stainless steel pots. And that stuff doesn't come off easily, either!

If you don't have access to one of those fancy dishwashers with a pot scrubber cycle, try this: bring a mix of clean water and 3 or 4 tablespoons of baking soda to a full boil, and let it continue to boil for a good half-hour or so. (Don't let it boil away!) You'll likely find that this helps to loosen that stubborn black crust enough to allow you to scour it away with a good helping of elbow grease and a piece of steel wool.

Thank you for writing!

Cordially,Franklin

From L* in Wisconsin

Nice job, asshole. You make a button for a zillion knitters who are almost ALL WOMEN and you put a fucking MAN on it. Fuck you.

Dear L,

Rest assured, it's not nearly so complicated as it seems. Here, in a nutshell, are the rules for turning the corners on your visiting card:

Note that in some regions meanings may differ or be differently shaded. For example, in New York City a folded upper corner (either side) often means that the visit was meant for all ladies of the family. You would do well, if you are newly settled in a strange area, to learn from your neighbors their own interpretations of this custom before turning your cards.

Thank you for writing, and I wish you every success in making new friends.

Yours very truly,Franklin*Initials changed because, well, I'm just that kind of guy.

The ancient Romans and Greeks? Totally, totally laughing at us right now (and by "us" I mean "J"). I went to the Uffizi today. That's to say, a museum full of statues of naked men. I mean seriously naked, bits on display. Sometimes they're wrestling, too. I was, of course, surrounded by school groups. In Italy. So, school groups made up of let's say one-third practicing Catholics and one-third we-don't-make-it-to-church-much Catholics.

LOVE the medal. I didn't compete (because I'm competitive, and I would have done my tendons a damage!) but the second time I really, really wished I had was when I saw the medals. (First time was when I read Stephanie's Podium post).

Wow. That first complainer sure has a great imagination. I stared long and hard at the medal after reading your post, and okay, you see some muscles in the legs and in the chest, but the middle's kind of abstract, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to think the figure is naked at all.

Okay, so he's naked, but that's the way the ancient greeks did it. I was quite fond of your medal, besides everything that needed to be covered was covered, and it's not like it was a real person with parts stratigically covered.

Apparently, classic Greek sculpture is not in everyone's taste. I even learned something from this escapade, since it was nagging me what sclpture that was. Discobolos. And it was on the 1948 London Olympics poster. That's history those folks are dissin'!

I'm... I don't know what I am but sitting here with my jaw dropped at disbelief over these people. OMG where the hell do some of these people come from? Wonderful tips, I do have to remember the difference in corner turning for my NY friends. Thanks!

Umm, now I'm wondering if my beloved Step-Grandmama has moved to Kansas. When she and my Grandfather came back from Spain she showed me an art book from the Prado that she had thoughtfully censored so as to avoid offending anyone.

Franklin,I'm a regular reader but rarely comment. I just have to say that I loved your medal and wish that I had done something to earn one myself. I don't even have a blog but I would have found some way to proudly display it. You handled the situation with your usual humor and grace which is what keeps me coming back to get my daily fix. Paige

Should I be glad that I didn't write to ask why you chose a depiction of summer olympics sports for a winter olympics medal? It would have been a joke, anyway, but I thought it would have been really funny for the ball of yarn to be a curling stone instead of a discus. 'Cause curling is *always* funny.

I love the medal you created. I wasn't an olympian, but for the first time, I have Knitting Olympics envy.

Franklin, I love the medal anyway. Curling is fun to watch, though as I'm not Canadian, I forget the rules from Olympics to Olympics. My brain is just not wired for it, but it's fun to watch rocks bump into each other while people in polo shirts chase them with brooms.

Franklin, not only are you talented, but you are priceless in a totally classy way! I just adore how you didn't take the easy way out by blasting back at them in kind. (Note to self: I've been guilty of blasting. I shall strive to comport myself more in the manner of Franklin.)

Somewhere there is a very lonely rock having been recently abandoned by it's only inhabitants. Love the medal Franklin and now I think I'll post it in FULL size just so that people can see it in it's full glory. You are a total piece of work Franklin, and that's my highest level of praise.

Franklin, very sorry you got some of the crazies in the world responding. I was not able to compete but I loved the button. How it was assumed bare torso equaled total naked (since you can not see entireity on the button) one can only assume. Your responses to the two messages were wonderful. Grace

I'm counting on the fact that you are the most dignified creature on the face of the earth and will therefore allow me to display this lovely medal on my site anyway. Herculean wet llama effort, and all that.

I wish I had been more mindful when I chose my KO project so that I could proudly display the gold medal... My response to the kind email from L*: Since we are mostly all women, and arguably, mostly straight women, it makes sense to let us appreciate the fine male physique on the gold medal.And if you did it all just for the freaking medal and not the sense of self accomplishment? Then I turn the lower left corner of my calling card for them. My condolences that you (meaning the writer of nasty email) are such a foul mouthed and ungrateful beeyatch.

I liked the medal and wished I entered but oh well. If you want me to explain curling, I will. As curling is a Scottish game, traditionally kilts are worn and in some clubs in Canada, women are not allowed to compete in pants. So you could have had a man curling with "clothing malfunction" and showed a lot more than what you did with a naked man on the medal. But I guess men probably don't go bare under a kilt while curling. Some things would just get to close to the ice...

ignorance runs rampant... and much too eager to expose itself...*giggle* I just typed expose itself... and if a knitting needle is a phalic symbol... she's been hanging out with the wrong naked men... *giggle* I just typed hanging out. knit on.

I feel odd that this is my first comment here but I must remark on your first response--I did just this last week (only it was oatmeal, not rice) and now my darling roommate is giving me the odd looks as I ignore the charred pan on the counter.

I can't even begin to respond to your two rather sheltered readers up there. Wouldn't know where to start.

I feel sorry for your children, family, and members of your church as they will never, EVER be able to go into a museum featuring classical art or sculpture. They will therefore miss out on a very large part of the culture that was instrumental in creating the society we now live in. I hope you all enjoy sittin' on the porch pickin' your banjos, 'cuz that's obviously the only "cultcher" you're likely to get.

Man, that Wisconsin b*tch sounds downright scary. If I were you, I'd be canceling any Door County trips you might have planned. She's likely to be watching for you from the weeds. On behalf of all the really, really nice Wisconsinites who hate causing any trouble at all, I apologize.BTW, nice medal. My main reason for joining the knitting olympics was to get a Franklin original for my website. Thanks.

Franklin, won't you be mine? You're too funny for my sorry vocabulary to really do you justice.Maybe J thought that wasn't really a knitting needle.And maybe L sat on HER knitting needle. Or something. Or maybe SHE should have made her own damn medal.Anyway, I loved the medal, I love your artwork, I think you're fantastic, and I hope to see more naked men on your blog in the future!

PS - I am SO buying a Knit Naked t-shirt. That's definitely a form of knitting that my husband would be able to appreciate. Oooh, can't wait.Hmm, maybe a t-shirt urging me to be naked would be counterproductive. Maybe a tattoo across my chest?

Well, I guess neither of them will be in the market for a "gift of knitting" Panopticon item.I thought I'd seen and heard it all when some female objected to me (a woman) bringing my 3 month old son into the washroom to change his diaper. Her granddaughter was there, and the old bat covered the kid's eyes so she wouldn't see anything nasty.

The sad part is, at least one of these people has children. What the hell kind of life do they lead?Barb B.

After reading the first comment, I raced to view the medal again thinking I had missed the interesting parts. But alas, there are no "naughty" parts showing on the medal. I personally think I am now bothered by the lack of graphic nudity.

Seriously, that is really messed up. It saddens me that someone can get so worked up over a picture of a sculpture of a model. The picture itself does not count as "nude"...that is ridiculous. Nor is the nude figure doing anything that could be considered obscene. Making a big deal out of it by saying he is naked and offensive does the damage moreso than any actual nudity. I cannot handle this conservite religious type of freaking out. How many Europeans fall over laughing at us because of this?

The dude is nakey???? Damn I need glasses..... Am I missing something, cause as far as I can see, the hangy downs are obscured.Oh well, what do I know... Here I thought OH WOW, Franklin made him anatomically correct.. Sheesh get my hopes up Franklin

Now that I think about it a little more, I think you kinda liked that mean dirty talk from WI. Why don't you knit yourself a sling, then let's talk. (To those of you in KS, I'm referring to a sling in which to carry one's Bible to church in. And when I suggested fucking a while ago, I meant in a purely christian way.) ahem. oh, dear. Now I have to be anonymous again.

Franklin, Franklin, Franklin...you create a seriously classy and historically correct medal and these goofballs(oooo, I used the word BALLS...naughty,naughty,naughty) don't have the energy to use the delete button or to click to another web site...glad you can find humor in it...makes me crazy...Can't we all get along (oh...apparently not...how very religious of them...not).At any rate...thanks for the medal and for the knit naked shirt that we all know is COMING (oooooo...probably another dirty word).

I hadn't seen your medal and so I went looking for some crude drawing . . . and I didn't find . . . then I realized that the classy medal that you created was what they were complaining about. Crazy or what??!!?? They are always welcome to create their own medals.

Good to see you put all that lovely etiquette training to good use. You're such a gentleman. Quentin Crisp would be proud of you.

For J in Kansas, do this. Take your medal picture. Open it in MS Paint. Click on Image, then Stretch/Skew. Enter 2 in the Horizontal and Vertical fields. You now have a medal for your blog and it's too small for your children and church friends to see.

Well, if I had realized that we could complain, er, I mean offer up suggestions I would have said that The Olympian isn't naked enough!! I will echo the sentiments that you are a gentleman and it's regrettable that anyone would cast aspersions on your intentions and efforts.I love my medal!!

haven't read thru the comments yet but i'm sure i'm not going to be the first or only one to ask ; may you please put the medal on a t-shirt. pretty please? or maybe on a calling card? say, whats with the verivication words today? mine is "myxbud" but i want ya to remain my bud cuz you're just so damn cute , oh, that's bud to the tenth power, eh?

Please please please design a Knit Naked (Knaked?) t-shirt. I would proudly wear it to the Fiber Fest besing held in Addison ('burb of the Dallas that you adore), TX at the end of this April. In fact, why don't you come visit the festival? Me thinks that you'd be quite the celeb. Would you sign my shirt??

Wow, Franklin - look at the number of posts - all positive - and kiss off the assholes who need to get a life! Great job on the positive responses. I don't think I'd have been so gracious. You are a gentleman...and I'm proud of you.

Outlining the reasons why would most likely only get me flamed by the cheerleading squad. I would like to say that I'm not in sympathy with either J or L and that I think L's tone was way out of line. In my religious and rather republican family, I have been the artist, the black sheep, and the liberal crusader. Once upon a time I would have written a comment just like all the others here.

I have loved your blog and your artwork. It was often the brightest spot in my day. I thought the medal was brilliant. Until today, it was fairly safe to say I was crushing on you just a bit. I don't know if I can be comfortable here now. What would a dignified, balanced, and courteous response have cost you?

Fraklin, I'm so glad you weren't rendered as speechless by those emails as I was! I'm like 99 percent of your readers who read the first email, wondered why I hadn't noticed the guy was naked, looked long and hard again at the medal and still couldn't work out what the fuck the first reader was on about. There wasn't even a butt-cheek on display, let alone a full-frontal shot.

But of course we know that the entire email about the rice cooking and sticking to the pan and burning -- it's all coded. What one should read between the lines is "I often come to the door NAKED and have steamy sex with the person who has come to the door......"

My word verification is: fknutcase. I'm not kidding. Did you program it that way???? ;-)

Oh, I'm disturbed, DISTURBED, I tell you!! Ha ha. The comment a few back is a joke, right? Oh, well. It takes all kinds. I'm not a knitter, but what a fun group of people! I may just have to look into taking up a new hobby.

To Marie --I find myself baffled by your comment. I do wish you had the courage to explain yourself further so that I might try to understand where you are coming from. I don't understand why Franklin should feel under any obligation to respond otherwise to insulting and profanity-laden emails.

And if you don't feel "comfortable" here -- does all this talk of burned rice and calling cards offend you? because Franklin is a man of great class and refinement and above all else, good manners -- well, there is a simple solution to that.

You are BRILLIANT. These two really need to find (a) a job (b) a new hobby and/or(c) a life. What kind of fuckwits are they???? I loved the medal. Some people will search to find something to complain about...

Well, Franklin, you seem to be a multi-purpose offender, covering the spectrum from uptight church-going Baptist types to semi-deranged femi-Nazis (not dissin' on the movement, just this one crazy broad). Bravo! --Leigh in ATL

You're too, too fabulous for words. How wonderful. Don't you just love people?

These are the same people who complain about "profanity" on tv, forgetting that they have the power to NOT watch as well. Same thing, these people have the power to not read.

Now about your putting pornography on your site. It really is reprehensible. All artwork showing the naked form should be covered, including but not limited to, Michaelangelo's David and the Sistine Chapel. How discraceful that the Vatican chooses to show pictures of the naked body. Can't they take a page from J in Kansas' morality? Just think...now they can't even go to Rome!

Wait, Wait...I have a similar story. One of our clients who will remain nameless until I don't work here anymore, complained about the use of cavemen in one of our concepts because it would offend people. How, we wondered. Apparently even the suggestion that evolution happens is one of those ingition points that causes boycotts. How unbelievable huh?

Clearly, I have read this post too early in the morning. At first, I was checking the response to the original email trying to figure out when the person talked about dirty pots. Then, I thought, oh, of course, there _is_ no connection, how amusing. Then, I find out from Norma that there are secret messages encoded in your responses. Boy, I really need to finish my tea.

Are we sure the first person is a woman, and not a Vatican official? I'm wondering because all the statues in the Vatican museum have had fig leaves added to them to keep the priests from getting ideas.

Sorry to be a latecomer here and I'm not about to read through 121 comments (sheesh!!!--you're in the big time now, Mr. Man), but where is this person naked?

I didn't see anything other than a bare chest and a ball of yarn. Who cares if the figure is male or female? People need to get over themselves. As if you got paid for creating the freaking medal!

Perhaps this J person from Kansas should think about how the rest of us non-Christians live when she or he make decisions about morality and such and decide that Christianity is the way this country is supposed to go (even though we are allegedly devoid of religion in the foundations of our government).

As someone who has counted Franklin as a friend since the days before "blog" was a word, I'm definitely a member of his "cheerleading squad." In real life he's as kind and charming and witty as he is in his blog. He's also very patient and forgiving. It really chaps my hide that someone would even he's anything other than "dignified,courteous, and balanced." If I had been in his position, I would have linked the writers' email addresses and blogs so that my readers could respond to them directly. And I would have had some choice words for them. Instead, he kept their identies anonymous and responded with charm and humor. If more of us were like Franklin the world would be a better place, indeed.

F - have enjoyed lurking on your blog for ages, now feel moved to make a response. Thank you for the etiquette tips. I hope that "J" and "L" thanked you too for taking the time to give them a response so cordial, despite the total attack on your artistic contribution to the knitting olympics! The medal is heroic and properly Olympian. Very inspiring of nudity too, makes us all want to knit in the buff!

Your post was yet another way of saying "I know you only meant that in the nicest way." Congratulations on handling the hate mail far more grace than most of us would have summoned.

The medal is absolutely outstanding and appropriate, thank you for providing it. I will proudly post one on my blog, and in my studio, even though my socks were finished shortly after the flame was extinguished. Waiting for the T-shirt!

Hi! First, I'm both a devout Cathoic and probably onsidered pretty conservative. I didn't notice it was naked, and never even thought about it being a man. I am slightly insterested why these 2 noticed and why they became to so enraged about a free medal that was simply meant for fun??? Oh, i am also from Kansas. I love the medal! Those 2 were nuts!

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