A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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After tying himself to the mast and blocking his ears with sushi in an attempt to drown out the calls from shareholders that he should fuck off… Jerry Yang has done the honorable thing and fucked off. And it only took him seventeen fucking years. New CEO Scott Thompson has hardly had time to get rid of all Carol “Fucking” Bartz’s tchotchkes from the corner office, before he can start working out how to save the company by firing everyone and selling off all its assets. Then, what do you know, it’s time to collect your multi-million golden parachute, move on, and do it all over again at another company. Jesus, the work of a Silicon Valley CEO is never done!

You have to laugh at the hypocrisy of the Wizened of Oz with his “Tweeting Lunacy” opposition to the anti-piracy bill everyone is getting their knickers in a twist about. I think it best summed up by this from professor Rogan Kersh, of New York University… “Murdoch represents a “radioactive” brand and his comments are “terrible timing” for supporters of the anti-piracy legislation. As supervisor of a media empire that is best known at present for hacking into people’s personal phone accounts, this is not someone you want arguing for more government involvement in the lives of the public.” Too fucking true, Blue. That bloody picture in the Dirty Digger’s attic must be fucking unbelievable by now, and Wendy’s horse tranquilizer bill must be going through the fucking roof.

There’s a very boring story at USAToday talking about how Burger King will be delivering Whoppers to people insane enough to ask for home delivery of the world’s shitiest fast food. No doubt laid off CP+B staffers wearing plastic King heads will arrive on the doorstep with the petri dish delectable. Anyway, the best bit is this… "There are some real food-quality issues here," says Ron Paul, president of research firm Technomic. If you click on the link, guess what you get? That’s right, all the search results for USAToday, featuring the raving looney GOP hopeful. Someone fucked up, right!!!

Interesting interview with Anne Mulcahy, former CEO of Xerox, on CNBC. They ask her why Xerox managed to turn itself around, while Kodak is now totally fucked, to the point where it will probably go into bankruptcy. She goes on about how in 2000, they had the courage to move away from their core, legacy business of black and white printing, and move into color and services. All very, MBA, biz school worthy bullshit. Loyal AdScamers will know that I have talked often about how Xerox fucked up, year after year. I’ve even pointed you at the book “Fumbling The Future,” which is still a great read. I’ve also written about Xerox PARC, where everything in the fucking universe was invented, then ignored, before finally being “appropriated” by GodJobs. It’s all in “The Ubiquitous Persuaders.”Anyway, you have to laugh at the memory of corporate America. Xerox is now a shining example of success, for years it was a fucking disaster. Funny how the pendulum swings, then swings back again. Kinda like what eventually happens to every BDA in the universe. Or as Jay put it so well… “I can’t wait to see how big we get, before we turn to shit!” Keep your eyes on McGarryBowen. ‘Cos nothing lasts forever.

The mumbo-jumbo that the ad biz is currently obsessed with, continues apace in an AdAge article which shows how “Grow” author, Jim Stengel… “Aims to bring analytical vigor to purpose driven marketing.” Whatever the fuck that means! It goes on and fucking on about how this ex P&G wanker has teamed with Millward Brown’s neuroscience unit, using functional magnetic resonance imaging to measure how quickly people associated ideals with brands. You know, that shit were they strap you down and implant electrodes in your shaven skull. This helped them identify and analyze the 50 fastest-growing brands from 2000 to 2010 in terms of value and consumer preference. (Not sales?) But the best bit comes at the end… Some wanker at Millward Brown said that making the list "is less about selling something or pushing a message, and more about [brands'] inviting consumers into their world"by acting on a set of core beliefs. Guess who said this about Jim’s book… “He shares his beliefs and experience with a generosity bordering on the reckless; and has the hard, clean numbers to bear his teachings out.” Yes indeed, the Poisoned Dwarf. And who knows more about hard, clean numbers? Conclusive proof that the ad biz now has no connection with the ad biz. Q.E.D.

In my continuing series of expose’s of dumb fucking tweets done by dumb fucking TweetNozles, Gizmodo points us in the direction of this classic done today (Martin Luther King Day) pointing shit guzzling fucktards in the direction of their latest chemically enhanced creation. "Have you ever dreamed about eating @TacoBell and then woke up and made that dream come true?" I have a dream indeed… More like a fucking nightmare! Oh, and while you’re at it check out Arby’s, ‘cos they are reminding us that today is National Hat Day! Wonder who the fuck does/did their PR?

Over on AdRants, my old mate, Steve Hall (Who still owes me dinner, the tight bastard) Has the third outing of his video series, Future of Engagement. Which to be honest with you Steve, I have no fucking idea what this is all about… Anyway, in this episode, host Murray Newlands speaks with Alpha Bird Chief Revenue Officer Alex Rowland about how brands can syndicate their content through social platforms and websites via contextual links. Rowland discusses the benefits video can bring to a marketer's goals and the metrics by which such efforts can be quantified. Oh Steve, fucking Steve. Apart from that being a classic assemblage of gobbledygook, over-the-top, bullshit. Bug eyed Murray Newlands looks like the kind of scary guy you do not want to be alone with on the fucking subway after midnight. As for Alex Rowland, with a title like “Chief Revenue Officer” you just know this guy is all about the money. Yeah, I know we all are… But we aren’t so fucking blatant about it that we would adopt such a give-away title. Yeah, I know Steve, you wouldn’t be posting shit like this if it wasn’t about the money. And, yeah… I’m fucking jealous.

Since Sprint pulled the plug on Goodby, Silverstein, shifting all the creative to Publicis, who, as usual, created a “Team Sprint” – Yawn, fucking yawn… Now, after a series of discussions, (which is code for placing suppliers on the rack in a dark, smelly dungeon) Sprint is also shifting traditional media duties to Publicis. The incumbent is WPP’s Mindshare. Meaning the Poisoned Dwarfs Easter bonus is in danger. But not to worry, heads will roll, margins will be maintained and fresh flowers will be delivered daily to the Gramercy Park Love Nest. All’s right in the BDHC world. Meantime, I am forming “Team AdScam.” I will entertain submissions from BDC’s ready to place their business with the “Ad Blog of the Future.” We can discuss this over cocktails in the dungeon.

It would seem that Microsoft, the company everyone and their grandmother hates, was a bit of a hit at CES last week. Previews of two new Windows phones and Windows 8 impressed all the wankers who write about this shit. Does this mean that iToy users are destined to be out-geeked by fucking Microsoft… As Zippy the Pinhead would say… Nah! The iFan fucktards would rather slit their wrists than buy anything that even smelled like it came from the Redmond Evil Empire. Anyway, you have to love the cover of this weeks Bloomberg Businessweek, featuring a non-sweaty Steve Ballmer (see below) The “Monkey Boy:” reference harks back to when he went apeshit doing a dance at a presentation a few years ago. It was rumored that he was overdoing the Peruvian Marching Powder at the time. I don’t know about that, but the geezer does sweat a hell of a lot. .

Now that the Wizened of Oz has discovered Twitter… He has decided to go ape-shit in defense of his God given rights to rape the unwashed masses of social media fucktards… Or something. I guess that makes as much sense as his last tweet… See below… Which has now been deleted by his handlers before allowing Wendy “I double fuck you with your wanky cream pie” Deng, her nightly allowance of triple strength horse tranquilizers. Sorry, I am losing track here… Is the Dirty Digger fighting for his unalienable rights to tap the phones of murdered rape victims, or, is this his idea of “Fair & Balanced” fucktardiness? Time for Sunday cocktails!