Message Boards

Topic : 08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Number of Replies: 185

New Messages This Week: 0

Last Reply On:

Created on : Friday, February 23, 2007, 02:08:43 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 06/26/07) Three couples trying to save their marriages continue their work at The Dr. Phil House. Throughout their relationship, Scott and Tara have had violent fights that have included slashed tires and police visits. Dr. Phil sits down with Scott to discuss how he can control his anger problem and set up personal boundaries that will put an end to the fighting with his wife. Afterward, Scott feels confident enough to vow to Tara that he is never going to yell at her again. Will he stick by his declaration? Then, Dr. Phil puts the group through some intense exercises, so they can learn their partner’s point of view. As each person stands before the group and explains what he or she really wants, raw emotions pour out, and the couples find themselves growing closer with compassionate support. Plus, Dr. Phil teaches them his rules for fighting (link to /articles/article/20 ) and his rules for children. After seeing a videotape of all their kids, the message is loud and clear. Will the couples apply what they’ve learned and change their families forever? Share your thoughts here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HOW TO TREAT OTHERS

In general, we don't learn much about healthy communication skills and interaction techniques in school or in our culture.The only way we learn how to communicate and interact in relationships as adults is by what we see in our homes as we are growing up.

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS (including family members):

1.Be kind, think kind thoughts, and use kind words

2.Be gentle

3.Take turns, be fair and share

4.Be polite

5.Care about others

6.Be helpful

7.Listen attentively

8.Respect the thoughts and feelings of others

9.Give encouragement

10. Cooperate with others

10a. Set healthy boundaries and be a worthy confidant

How to get posters for your family:

www.teachchildren.com/0768213932.html

If you grew up in a family where you had to yell to be heard or acknowledged, while your partner grew up in a family where emotional outbursts were ignored or not tolerated, your divergent communication and interaction styles are going to get in the way of your long-term healthy bonding (with your partner and others).

Camp never hurts anyone

Help me to understand unforgiveness...

I was a dancer when dancers got to go to jail for indecent exposure or inmate of a house of ill repute if nothing else. When I was a dancer, I was married to a man who abused me and tied me up letting other men rape me. He even broke my bones. The police in uniform saw him abusing me and told him show her who is boss, when I reached out for help. 25 years later I still have to explain in job interviews why I was arrested and have 3 misdomeanor convictions. 3 of those men who raped me were police officers and they arrested me, but not my late husband.

Where is the forgiveness?

Amanda, listen to me... This will not go away even if you leave your job. It will effect your ability to obtain gainfull employment. It will effect your participation in your child's school activities. But, most of all, it will effect how your child views and respects you as their parent.

The past is the past -- we can't change it. The future has not happened yet. We only have today to do what is right.

Read my new post and get a different view!

Please! Give me a break! Even Dr. Phil acknowledged that the woman didn't dance naked to feed her children. There are other jobs out there that she could hold. She made the choice to place herself in a job that jeopardized her marriage.

We women have MANY choices these days. Our days of victimhood should be over....unless we make victims of ourselves, as Amanda did. There were better ways for her to earn money. There were ways for him to earn more money. They did the easy thing and it almost cost them their marriage.

HOPEFULLY, this couple will work TOGETHER to make their marriage work...and that means no more stripping. It would be sad for their child to answer the usual school question about what she wanted to be when she grew up....and she responded, "An exotic dancer!" We women need to aspire to be more than that!!!

You sound like a woman scorned and betrayed. JUDGEMENTAL to say the least.

With that being said...

In my humble opinion, marriage is not a status symbol, a title or a baby needing to be nurtured. It does not have a mind of its own. It is a partnership, or at least it should be. Victims are just that and they are not at fault.

Just something to think about -- when I look at my sons who are hungry, it pains me greatly to give them pasta and a can of corn I got from the food bank having to say I'm sorry this is all we have to eat today. Nevermind - not enough for me to eat that day. Or, my first experience with this land of poverty. Holding a 6 month old baby in my arms who is crying and having no formula for him therefore having to call my loving mother in law and beg for food for my son because my providing spouse left the house that morning with promises to be back in 2 hours and I can not reach him!!!

18 year marriage

i married at 17 to a 21 yr old i was a illeagal dancer in a night club in tulsa. my husband knew this i continued that employ for 3 years till my son was born then i quit. we now have 3 kids and 18 years under our belt but i have had on ocassion had to go back to dancing usually no more then a month or two just long enough to get us out of a tight spot. the reason being is i have a 9th grade education other then restraunt or motel housekeeping and those wages wont even pay a babysitter so i would have worked for nothing! i havent much choice when you need several thousand in a couple of months dancing is the easiest fastest money and why not if you leave your work at work like in any other careers you can do it. there are idiots out there throwing their money away and here my kids need food,a home and utilities at that home. im gonna take thier money the fools. this couple let the job and situation escalate. she should have made the money they needed and put some aside to get a few college courses and do better for her self and her family because stripping is not and can never be a career for a wife and mother.

Stripping is not a live long career for anyone...

i married at 17 to a 21 yr old i was a illeagal dancer in a night club in tulsa. my husband knew this i continued that employ for 3 years till my son was born then i quit. we now have 3 kids and 18 years under our belt but i have had on ocassion had to go back to dancing usually no more then a month or two just long enough to get us out of a tight spot. the reason being is i have a 9th grade education other then restraunt or motel housekeeping and those wages wont even pay a babysitter so i would have worked for nothing! i havent much choice when you need several thousand in a couple of months dancing is the easiest fastest money and why not if you leave your work at work like in any other careers you can do it. there are idiots out there throwing their money away and here my kids need food,a home and utilities at that home. im gonna take thier money the fools. this couple let the job and situation escalate. she should have made the money they needed and put some aside to get a few college courses and do better for her self and her family because stripping is not and can never be a career for a wife and mother.

18 years old to 35 years old tops. Then what?

I went to college, made a career for myself, did better for myself and family. But, Stripping still haunts my endeavors everytime I go for a job interview. Now, that I and my family would benefit from my working at a school as a secretary, my 3 - 25 year old misdomeanor convictions stop that in a heartbeat. And, eventhough, I am the one who would help at the school as a volunteer they don't want my help.

I am not talking about the job as much as I am talking about the impact it has on a persons future.

VG

you know all you speak of in this post really sounds really great, its a very good thing to hear how you both share a belief in god, now try to show what you have learned from his words, show a little compassion to your fellow man and woman, you could start be showing Amanda and Nick a little here , i did and it really lifted my heart up out of the gutter i put it in when this show first started, hell i thought the worst about them all, and you know what, god would welcome them into his kingdom before allowing me to enter, for i was passing judgment in ways i had no right to, i knew not who she was nor why she was doing what she did, and i dare to call myself a Christian, wow what a dirty joke i played on myself. my heart changed after the last show, and i didn't watch but maybe 5 min into it, but i knew i was wrong, hell if i cant offer any one any help i sure as hell don't want to hurt them as i was doing with my posts. i really felt very small for my way of thinking, and I'm very glad i found the courage to ask Amanda to please forgive my stupidity, and let me tell you when she posted me back and said i forgive you i read that with tears in my eyes,i did not deserve to have her forgive me as she did, that says alot about her character.

It's Easy

You sound like a woman scorned and betrayed. JUDGEMENTAL to say the least.

With that being said...

In my humble opinion, marriage is not a status symbol, a title or a baby needing to be nurtured. It does not have a mind of its own. It is a partnership, or at least it should be. Victims are just that and they are not at fault.

Just something to think about -- when I look at my sons who are hungry, it pains me greatly to give them pasta and a can of corn I got from the food bank having to say I'm sorry this is all we have to eat today. Nevermind - not enough for me to eat that day. Or, my first experience with this land of poverty. Holding a 6 month old baby in my arms who is crying and having no formula for him therefore having to call my loving mother in law and beg for food for my son because my providing spouse left the house that morning with promises to be back in 2 hours and I can not reach him!!!

Ruth

It is so very easy for any of us to judge one another. I am as guilty as anyone of doing so. I hope you continue to find the strength to carry on and take care of your children. I understand that it is very demeaning to you to have to do some of the things necessary at times to survive. It is always easy for the rest of us to tell you or others how to live, but until I do better myself, I think I'll not judge you.