Shaq’s Twitter bio: VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESSShaq’s followers: 2,867,638Percentage of Shaq’s followers who we think will purchase his mother’s book: At least 20Kind of deal Shaq’s mom’s book represents for the publisher: Sweet

But this is O.K. with us, because Lucille O’Neal’s Twitter feed is the sweetest ever—when’s the last time someone told you to “Have a blessed day”? Or pondered whether fruitcake is the best gift of all? If anyone can turn our Mental Welfare into Mental Wealth, we’re sure it’s Lucille.