Professional mom seeking clarity, balance and a well deserved glass of wine.

When she’s 45 I’ll Be 85

Last night hubby and I were laying in bed talking and he was marveling that his dad turned 70 this month. SEVENTY. That’s a big number. I always pictured my parents being, I don’t know, about 60 forever. I remember when my grandma turned 60. We made a cake for her and a sign with glitter. Yes, glitter! It was the 70’s. I wonder if my mom felt the same way then about her parents. Wonder if she thought they were old or young at 60. I think watching my parents and grandparents getting older is harder for me to than experiencing my own aging process. It did freak me out a little when I realized that when my youngest is 45, I’ll be 85. Holy shit!

You don’t think about it much when you’re a kid. You think life will go on forever. All you know is that you go to school, play outside, eat junk food whenever possible and hide stuff from your parents that you think is forbidden or taboo. You know your grandma’s house will always be there. Her sheets will always be crisp and cool in the summer when you spend the night. Her food will always taste better than it does at your house. She’ll always have special stuff for you, like pop tarts and little Cokes. She’ll always make “Rainy Day fudge” and turn a gray day into rich chewy awesomeness. She’ll always rub your back and calm you with her soft grandma voice at bedtime. You’ll always marvel at how early Grandpa gets up in the morning just to read the paper. (I’m getting the whole quiet time thing now)

I guess I’m feeling a little melancholy. I’ve now lost all of my grandparents. My husbands grandmother died earlier this year and just last week I lost someone dear who was like my grandma. She was the end of an era, to say the least. Will we be able to fill their shoes some day? I want to be that kind of grandparent. As my friend V says, “amaze balls with a side of awesome sauce.” I want to be that mom. That grandma.

In doing alot of “inner” work on myself, I know that dwelling on the past or the future is pointless. I have to live in the now. Be present. Enjoy every second of it and leave behind no regrets. Honestly, though, I have wonderful memories of the past and sometimes it’s nice to spend a little time there and smile. I don’t know what the future holds. I am going to choose to take care of myself because I want to be the 80 year old grandma on ski’s flying down the hill side by side with my 45 year-old Ivy and her kids. Drea, will of course, be 52 and may be a grandma herself. OMG! (Jaw dropping here)