From the latest edition of Totally Inappropriate Air Travel Industry Practices Digest, a rough outline of the airline's best practices as witnessed during a recent incident at JFK:

JetBlue wants to make sure all passengers are sporting proper skivvies.

If it is not immediately clear that your genitals are safely ensconced, a male employee may wave a walkie-talkie around your crotch (because walkie-talkies are actually underpants-detectors — that's a CIA secret, but now you know).

If the walkie-talkie test fails to yield a conclusive result, you may be asked to deplane.

If, upon your exit of the aircraft, it is determined that you are neither pantsless nor pantiesless and, in fact, you are just wearing short shorts and a very baggy shirt, you may be allowed to get back on the plane.

If, however, the plane is being piloted by a dick who refuses to fly with you on board, despite the fact that you are wearing all the necessary garments, then you will have to take a later flight and file a lawsuit as soon as you get home.