A Car Blog. Only Angrier

Monday, October 05, 2009

Not that we care all that much for Trucks* but what the hell is Chrysler thinking? A brand just around the RAM trucks? It's not like these things have been selling like hotcakes... so WTF?

Is Chrysler going to spin off the Challenger, too? Oh, look, the Challenger brand is up 100% (when they sell their second car).

Seriously, we almost started the WTF category when Penske was going to buy Saturn but we scrapped it when Penske scrapped their plans. We decided we'll move ahead with the WTF category if Konenenishooterglavenberg makes the Saab purchase official, but now we're wondering if we should do it now.

Monday, March 30, 2009

OK, now we're just gettin' all silly. Today's announcement that Barack Obama is going to personally fix your car while Tim Geithner brings you a cup of steaming joe is just insane.

Now, we're all for competition and the government helping out when regular people can't (building roads, national health care), but this has the potential for one of the following:

Unfair advantage over, say, Ford

Really, really bankrupt the U.S.A.

Think paperwork is bad now? Wait until you need to fill out the ol' AK-723/71 in order to get a new wiper blade. And wait until Mr. Obama sees how often a Pontiac Grand Am needs to be repair. Might be time to call that preacher friend of his for some preachin'.

In other news, we're still waiting to here back about our request for program Uncle Sam: Fixer Upper With Alison Krauss. It's an obscure program for one, for sure. But it's worth doing. Yes we can! Hope! Sticky!

Monday, September 08, 2008

This is just horseshit. We made the vehicles that made us the most profit, didn't invest the moolah in anything but big and it backfired on us, save us. This just goes to show you there is no free market.

What's a good analogy to this story? Ah, how about... What if we sold tickets to our upcoming marriage to Alison Krauss, but she said no* but we didn't have money to refund the tickets because we used the money to buy a lot of viagra. A lot. See? Our "product" failed us so the govment has to bail us out. Does that analogy work? Mmm, Alison. She can restart our stalled chub anytime.

*Yeah, she'd say no. Please. We're so freakin' awesome, she couldn't say no. In fact, that one time she literally couldn't say no so no charges were filed! W00t!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

While it may not happen in our lifetime (yeah, you, you old SOB you), it will certainly happen during the lifetimes of the children being born today: Electric cars will get most people from here to there.

And, really, there are no downsides to this. We'll still have road freedom, but we'll have no pollution from the operation of these vehicles. Our nation (and nearly all nations) will no longer be held hostage to those with the fuel needed. Because it will all come from the sun.

Meanwhile, we're busy working on a new sun-ray device that burns off clothes without harming the delish below.

Friday, July 18, 2008

When we find ourselves lost (daily) we have to turn off the radio in order to get our bearings. We're not sure what we'd have to turn off to (cue on the dramatic music) dive on the (start music) The Most Dangerous Roads in the World

For the record, #2 doesn't count. Just because you can drive on it, doesn't make it a road. Otherwise we'da never gotten a ticket for driving over AK's lawn. Mmm, freshly trimmed grass.

But in recent news could it be that GM is also considering axing another brand? Or brands?

We got an exclusively made-up interview with GM spokesman Tony Cervone who replied, "We are absolutely not considering canning Pontiac and Buick. Or, man, Saab. Did you see those Saab numbers? Kkkkkeeerist! And just because I dropped a bucket of pink slips a minute ago means nothing." A follow-up question yielded no movement on getting us Alison Krauss's phone number. GM's PR department is so letting us down.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

How brilliant is that? Yes, Claire, we are doing an experiment on some new medicine to help the, er, uh, elderly. That's right, Alison. You will not need to take any of the medicine yourself. Just relax and help us spot any side effects.

We got so excited over the idea of this that we only just realized it's so very tangently car-related. But we already wrote it and can't help thinking that this could work. Oh, it could!