What’s Really Going On When You Feel Like You Don’t Fit In

One of the most frequent sentiments I hear from clients is, “I feel like I don’t fit in.” They also say, “I’m still trying to find my place in the world.” If you’ve ever felt lost, misunderstood, or unsure about where you belong, you are not alone.

Deep down, everyone is the same. Everyone is longing for connection and acceptance. We all want to be seen, appreciated, and find our special place in the world. But at the same time, we are afraid of being seen. We are afraid of deep connection, because it comes with the possibility of rejection — which absolutely every human has experienced, to one degree or another, during childhood.

So What Happened?

When you were born, you had no reason to hide or suppress any aspect of who you were or how you were showing up. If you were sad or angry, you let it be known, no matter who was listening. You weren’t afraid of being silly or loud, and you had no fear of being judged.

As you grew, you began to learn that certain parts of you were unwelcome, especially expressions of emotion. Maybe you were told that you were too wild, too sensitive or too fearful. Maybe someone said you were selfish, obnoxious, stupid or bad.

You may not remember, but it was painful — and quite shocking — to learn that you weren’t okay the way you were. You may have been exiled from the group via “time-outs” or simply told, “Go to your room!”

You had no choice but to believe what your parents or other authority figures said about what was wrong with you, and little by little, you stopped expressing yourself with abandon. You had to hide to survive, and you did that by disconnecting from the unwelcome parts of yourself, pushing them away so they could no longer be visible to others. On the day you became disconnected from yourself, you naturally felt disconnected from life, and from the people around you. It’s the day you began to tell yourself that you do not fit in.

But you DO fit in.

Everyone carries the same wound and the same fear of rejection. The way to reclaim your sense of belonging is to reconnect with yourself and love and accept what you see inside. When you are connected to your feelings and do not suppress or hide them, you are no longer rejecting yourself. When you no longer reject yourself, you give yourself the unconditional acceptance you have always wanted. You welcome yourself home.

You start to see that you do belong simply because you exist, and there’s nothing you need to do to prove your worth or get it right for other people. This feeling of worthiness cannot be taken away from you — not this time — because as an adult you have wisdom you didn’t have as a child.

Connect with yourself, fit in with yourself, and know that everyone you meet and have ever known, is walking with you on this journey. It’s the quintessential human journey, from the experience of rejection and fear, back to acceptance and love, which is where you started from as an infant. You were a perfect expression of The Divine, and you still are. All you have to do to feel a peaceful sense of belonging, is to claim it, remember it, and declare it as the truth.

About Jessica McKay

Jessica McKay is an intuitive guide and spiritual teacher who offers intuitive tarot readings with your spirit guides. She’s a contributor to the book, When Heaven Touches Earth - A Little Book of Magic, Miracles, and Wonders by James Van Praagh, Sunny Dawn Johnston, and Lisa McCourt. To find out more or to schedule a reading, visit JessicaMcKay.net.

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