Saturday, December 8, 2012

Little Lonely

I'm probably being shallow and/or just a baby. But I guess one thing I miss about being single is having lots of friends around. I love Z to death and beyond, and wouldn't trade my life with him for anything. But being married means I have 1 roommate instead of 5, and old friends are either busy, live far away, or are single men who don't associate with me anymore... The first two groups are definitely the majority. My family ward is much less social (and much more transient) than my singles ward was, so it's hard to make friends there too. Since I don't see friends much anymore, I've been relying on getting hits on my blog and checking facebook for any kind of validation through social interaction, which is really lame and pathetic. I probably need to make new friends, but that's scary, and the best friend I have in my new neighborhood has 2 kids and is moving this month... It's hard for me to make friends in my classes because I'm shy and most of my classes are so big that I'll only see the same person a few times during the semester. My dance classes are usually my best option; this semester though, I'm not making any guy friends because I'm married and guys don't want to have fun dancing with married women (guys were the people I had put most energy into befriending before getting married, so they reflect the biggest change); the best class I have for making friends in is my country dance class because 2/3 of it is women, and it's a really relaxed, fun class. I think I've made a few friends in that class - even some guys who are willing to laugh with me and aren't afraid of asking me to dance - but I'm afraid that none of the friendships with anyone are deep enough to survive past finals; I took too long to stop being shy and didn't take time to invest myself in those friendships (the fact that I've hardly seen any of them outside class doesn't assure me much). Z and I see his friends on campus sometimes, which is fun and lifts my spirits; my friends are all gone though. Sometimes when I'm in a hyperbolic mood I feel like I have no friends and that Z is the only person who cares about me. I'm not sure what to do yet, but I really hope things will get easier somehow.

--I don't feel like this every minute of every day, but it gets to me fairly regularly, usually when I feel a lack of things to do or things that are immediately interesting.

2 comments:

I can definitely relate :( Especially now that I have a baby! The wards are hard here to really get to know anyone. We should get together sometime though. Next semester, Forrest is going to be gone so much, I definitely will need someone to hang out with from time to time!

...exactly. Except i don't have a husband at the moment, so I'm either a third wheel or have to bring a date when i hang out with the marrieds. lamesauce. Unless i babysit. Also, my laptop is broken so online is limited to my smartphone. Double lame sauce. : solidarity: