Apr 16, 2012

Matthew 6:26 (NKJV)

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

One day, my eldest son unexpectedly
returned home. “I need a place to stay for awhile.” He said. For
over one hour, I mercifully listened as my now adult son described his ugly experience
of living on his own. I instantly welcomed him home.

After he left, I began to feel the weight
of all that was currently happening. My husband had just announced that he suddenly
wanted a divorce, while my eldest son who had wanted nothing to do with me for
over a year, now wanted to return home. Complete and utter confusion!

Thoughts raced through my mind. “Now that my
husband wants a divorce, undoubtedly,
he will stop paying our household bills soon after he files the legal
paperwork. Certainly, I’ll have to go
back to work to support myself and our two boys.”

For over one year, my husband had been
providing for our youngest son and myself, while I shared the Gospel with
others. I loved my new job! Now, my heart sunk at the thought of returning to a
job that required me to judge others. But how else would I afford for us to
live?

I decided to conduct a job search. I sat
at my home computer and searched for a job opening through a Christian
employment website. Unbelievably, there was an opening in the field of social
work. Plus, the company was conveniently located just one town away. "What
are the chances?" I questioned. Maybe God was providing a way to support
myself and my two sons. I immediately applied for the
position over the computer. Less than two hours later, I received a response
along with an invitation to interview for the position. Amazing! I began to
sing aloud and praise God. Thank You Jesus Christ! The next morning, I participated in
an employment screening for the position. The interview was conducted over the
Internet with the company Executive Director. During the interview, I openly
shared my personal testimony.Then, I
spoke of the mix emotions I felt regarding returning to the position of Social
Worker. "How was I going to return to a role that required labeling others
according to their behavior, such as drug addict?" I told the Director.
"I spent decades in this career judging others for their actions before I
got saved." The man remained quiet and just listened as I worked through
my emotions out loud. I said, "When I started to live for Jesus, I
promised I would never return to what life used to be!” Surprisingly, the
executive still invited me to attend a meeting with him in person. So, we
scheduled a day and time for the following week in which to meet.

I would have thought that the idea of
securing employment would have brought a sense of relief. Now I no longer had
to worry about becoming the sole provider to my two children. But instead, I
instantly began to feel as though I was doing something horribly wrong. My
heart screamed, "Don't do this! Have you completely forgotten God's
generosity over the past year?" Still, my own understanding was telling me
to go forward. "Maybe this job opportunity is a sign of God's grace and
provision." Utter confusion set in!

The following week, something particularly
odd had happened. The doves that normally sat outside my apartment flew away.
Now, all that remained was a small bird I didn't recognize. I started to ask
others, "What type of bird to you think that is," as I pointed to the
humble little creature. Each person simply replied, "I think it's a
sparrow." Later on, I met with the Executive
Director for our scheduled face to face meeting. My job search journey had a
conclusion. I was offered the position. However, unlike in the past when I
would feel a sense of satisfaction, this time when I heard the words, "I'd
like to offer you the position," I felt a sensation of dread in the bottom
of my stomach. Still, I accepted the position. Then, as I left the building, I
noticed that my new employer's office was only a few doors away from the
unemployment hearing office where I had gone earlier that same year to deny the
State's offer to receive unemployment benefits. That's when I started to feel
nauseous. Why was I having trouble discerning God's will? What if I disappoint
God by rejecting His means of providing for my family? I questioned. I
immediately tried to reason the nausea away. "I'm just feeling nervous
about having a new job!"Later, I was invited to
participate in a work related conference meeting. During the meeting, I
listened as the new employer rationalized censorship of proclaiming one's
faith. "Keep it professional." He said. Then, he invited the staff to
a training in which each social worker would learn how to work within the
confines of the counties secular guidelines. This was the very reason I quit my
last job! I had been called to openly and unapologetically share the Gospel
with anyone the Lord placed in my path. What was I going to do now?

As my first day of employment crept up, I
began to feel dark despair. Suddenly, past negative feelings from decades of
social work erupted inside of me. Soon, I became very tired. In between
parenting my young son and keeping up with the household chores, I prayed. I
took naps, many naps. And, to alleviate the nausea I felt, I took antacids.
Next, I reached out to my Pastor's wife for prayer and emotional support.

The next Sunday was Easter morning. Unlike
normal when I would rejoice and sing God’s unending hymns of praise, now all I
could do waslie on our couch and stare
vacantly out our living room window at the sunlight that streamed between the
leaves of the pine tree above. Warm beams of sunlight hit my face like mercy
reaching down to save me. Suddenly, I began to reflect on God's financial
faithfulness over the past year and the hope I had received in trusting in
Jesus Christ as my provider. Once again, I began to pray, "Please Lord,
bring me out of this spiritual pit." The next day, was my first day at
my new job. I woke up to the same queasiness. Still, I trusted that God would
be with me to guide my steps. Sure enough, God was ahead of me preparing the
words of my new coworkers. I was about to receive the spiritual discernment I
had prayed for. It was a spiritual attack!

First, God revealed why I was offered the
position in such haste. I listened as He revealed the true state of the agency.
As others spoke around me, I held a quiet conversation with the whisper in my
heart. "Thank You Lord, for maturing me spiritually and the lessons I am
learning! I know now that I was never poor and needy for money. I was
spiritually needy. I am sorry that my first reaction wasn't to rely on Your
grace when my husband threatened to leave me. Please forgive me Lord!" When my first day at work had
ended, I returned home. My family, including my husband was waiting to embrace
me. I immediately shared my feelings with my husband. As if God had already
spoken to his heart, my husband responded by saying, "Honey, I am sorry. I
don't want to get a divorce." After weeks of feeling nausea, my upset
stomach instantly calmed. My soul was at peace!

Post Script

With my
husband's permission, the following day I submitted notice to my new employer.
I returned home after only a few hours had passed. With the idea of divorce set
behind us, my husband had come to the apartment to spend time with me. After we
embraced, I had an urgent feeling to check the mail. So, I went to the mailbox
and opened it. Sure enough, I had mail. In the pile of mail were two checks
from the IRS. One check was made out to my husband and the other was endorsed
to both our names. I handed him one check and I took the other. Improbable tax
returns! I began to cry as I realized God's unending faithfulness!

Apologies From a Repentant Christian

Facebook

Total Pageviews

Translate

About Me

I called myself a Christian because I wore a cross, prayed to God and attended church regularly. Yet, I lied, gossiped, and judged others without mercy. I misrepresented my God with my behavior, attitude, and words. Such was my life.

In my prayers, I asked for God to use my life to glorify Him but was ill prepared for the response. I was arrested and charged with a felony! In deep and dark despair, I turned to Jesus Christ for help, and He was there to save me, as I sorrowfully repented for my past sinful behavior! Jesus transformed my heart and I was blessed with unimaginable peace and joy!

I am living proof that people can change and that choosing to live a righteous and holy life brings joy. Read the full-story here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CBP6FDI