15 comments

it has become gravely politically incorrect in modern Western secular culture to tell the truth if it will make anyone feel guilty

so we don’t tell women that babies really don’t thrive in day care settings as well as they do with their mother

we don’t tell women that the motto “breast is best but formula is just as good” is absolute b.s.

and we don’t tell women that an abortion may cause infertility problems later when they do want a baby

and we don’t tell women that an abortion will increase the risk of breast cancer (the cells in the breast get the GROW message when pregnancy begins – and then what do those cells do when the pregnancy is suddenly aborted?)

and we don’t tell women that postponing marriage/pregnancy until the late 30s or early 40s increases the risk of infertility – esp when various chemical or invasive forms of birth control were used for years and years prior to deciding to become pregnant

we just don’t say these things to women in the secular culture, because it is not politically correct

and then you have women singing with broken hearts that they would die to become pregnant

well don’t die – but also don’t rely on your doctor or the mainstream media to tell you what you as a woman need to know

of course – (Dept of Stating the Obvious – but better to say than to leave doubt) – of course there are many, many women – and especially frum — who are simply suffering from infertility because Hashem chose them for this deep pain and longing – nothing to do with abortions, birth control, etc

i only mentioned abortions bec i was reacting to the video that was shown on jewishmom.com which is obv from secular culture

Rishe, I think it is important, since you fear women having the wrong information, that you know the following about your suggestions:

1) “babies really don’t thrive in day care settings as well as they do with their mother” – this is unproven and is definitely not true if a mother would be more stressed by staying home full time and takes it out on her children.

2) “breast is best but formula is just as good” is absolutely untrue” – this may be true, but again, you are assuming what is right for you is right for all women, some women, and babies, have lactation issues that cannot be helped no matter how much they want to nurse.

3) “abortion may cause infertility problems later when they do want a baby” – this is extremely rare, especially during a medical abortion, where a woman only takes oral medications to abort the fetus. We’re not living in pre Roe vs. Wade days, so today rarely does a surgical abortion damage the cervix or uterus. In those rare cases, surgery can usually correct any damage.

5) “postponing marriage/pregnancy until the late 30s or early 40s increases the risk of infertility – esp when various chemical or invasive forms of birth control” – yes, natural fertility declines after age 35, and I’m pretty sure there is no one telling women otherwise. However,
contraceptives do not cause infertility. With most contraceptive methods, there is no delay in the return of fertility after use is stopped. Yes, the return of fertility after injectable contraceptives are stopped usually takes longer (up to 18 months) than with most other methods. In time, however, women who have used injectables are as fertile as they were before using the method, taking aging into account.

“we just don’t say these things to women in the secular culture, because it is not politically correct” – No, we don’t say them because they are NOT absolute truths. Maybe you should actually research things before YOU start spewing lies.

And as for your “many, many women – and especially frum — who are simply suffering from infertility because Hashem chose them for this deep pain and longing.” Even if this is true, you are not God (as far as I know) and have no right to judge others or even THINK that about them, you may want to work on your sensitivity chip.

Tamar thank you for refuting. I really feel that women should be particularly careful about judging other women regarding fertility and motherhood issues: it is simply SO personal and every woman brings her own story to her experience.
While I don’t agree with you rishe, I do admire your passion: and yours too, Tamar!!!

“We don’t tell women that breast is best but formula is just as good is b.s”- This comment makes me so angry ! Generally breast is better but not always! I am a mother of a child with severe anaphylactic allergies ( he is deathly allergic to most fish,nuts, eggs and dairy). When he was just three months old things went terribly wrong. He cried constantly, wasn’t gaining weight and his skin was horribly inflamed (he wore gloves on his hands up to six months since he scratched himself and got infections). We did blood work and started eliminating foods from my diet as I was nursing. His number on eggs came back incredibly hight (unusual for a baby) so I cut out that but surprisingly dairy tested negative. Very often there can be false negatives or Positives especially for children under a year. I so desperately wanted to nurse that I continued despite having to stop suddenly and restart twice . I worked with pediatric allergists, dermatologists went for second opinions etc. At six months my son went on hypoallergenic formula and soon enough his symptoms ceased. As a mother who tried her hardest to nurse and wasn’t successful such a comment is incredibly hurtful. Yes nursing is a better option but not always. I was lucky to have compassionate, understanding doctors who gave me good advice and not as you call it b.s!

Why is everyone so angry? Why am I being accused of spewing lies? I stand by every one of my statements. I guess I really am politically incorrect.

In fact some of the comments prove my point:

People’s feelings will be hurt so let’s keep the truth unsaid.

One woman out of who knows how many thousands cannot and should not nurse. Therefore, in the name of “compassion,” let’s not tell the other few million that for them, and their voiceless babies, nursing is far superior to formula?

Miscarriages and abortions are NOT the same thing at all and do not cause the same confusion in the breast cells.

Lately, I have seen so many unnecessarily angry posts from Jewish readers on threads like these. Why is it ok to attack people and their views from such a vitriolic place, just because it’s online? Would you really say such things in such a way to a person’s face?

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion, and it is great that there are opportunities like these for productive comments and discussions. But please, be polite and sensitive to others when you do so.

Thanks Esther, you are 100% right. I am the first to say everyone has a right to their own opinions, especially if they aren’t harming others.
However, in this case, I would 100% say the items I mentioned to anyone in person who did not know the facts, I think it is THAT important to know the truth and not just believe everything one hears.
It was not my intention to attack, only to make it clear that judging others based on falsehoods is not exactly being ‘polite and sensitive’ either.

I agree with Tamar on the importance of knowing the truth.
I also agree with Tamar that people should not naively swallow whatever they are told without checking it out themselves.
I urge readers to check out the things I said and learn the truth for themselves.
I didn’t judge anyone except a secular video that promotes the same falsehoods that the mainstream media promote.

I read this (about breastmilk):
“Imagine that the world had created a new ‘dream product’ to feed and imunize everyone born on earth. Imagine also that it required no storage or delivery, and helped mothers plan their families and reduce the risk of cancer. Then imagine that the world refused to use it.”
-Frank Oski, specialist in blood diseases and cancer in children

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