I joined the Huffington Post again in late June to talk about the relationships we have with food and the risks of ascribing moral value onto food. After spending years of my life feeling guilty for nourishing myself, I fully consider part of “healthy eating” to include eating food you enjoy, even if it’s high in sugar or not bursting with nutrients, without feeling any guilt, anxiety, or shame.

If you don’t have time to watch the full segment (but you should, because all of the panelists had great things to say!), here’s a snippet elaborating on how I understand “healthy” eating:

Special thanks to Caitlyn Becker and the Huffington Post for the invitation and for continuing to engage in critical discussions around these important issues!

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Back in April, Kitty Westin and I had the pleasure of joining a panel with the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh on eating disorder recovery. It was done via Google Hangout, so the full discussion we had with the audience is archived.

It just so happens that the panel was scheduled on the same day as the reception for the Spring Eating Disorders Coalition Lobby Day. At first, Kitty and I were worried we wouldn’t be able to do it, but instead we had the pleasure of hanging out in person and crowding around my laptop. The visual quality isn’t the greatest, but the audio is fine. Kitty has some amazing things to share and I strongly encourage you to take the time to watch or listen!

A little about Kitty:

Kitty Westin is the founder and former President of the Anna Westin Foundation which is now known as The Emily Program Foundation. The Anna Westin Foundation was started by Anna’s family after Anna died of anorexia in 2000. Kitty is on the board of The Emily Program Foundation, the Eating Disorders Coalition for Research, Policy & Action, and she is a former member of the Minnesota Governors Advisory Counsel on Mental Heath, the Minnesota Mental Health Legislative Network and numerous other boards and counsels.
Since Anna’s death Kitty has spoken to millions of people about eating disorders through personal appearances and the media. She has been invited to tell her story to a variety of groups in Minnesota and across the United States and the world. Kitty has been an outspoken advocate for people who struggle with eating disorders, their families and friends, and professionals who work in the field.
Kitty has received numerous awards for her advocacy efforts including the EDC Advocacy Award, the Redbook Mothers and Shakers Award, the AED Meehan/Hartley Leadership Award for Public Service and/or Advocacy, the Park Nicollet Community Service Award and the National Eating Disorders Association Inspiration Award.

Special thanks to friend and EDC alumni Geneva Murray for the invitation and for putting the event together. Let’s do it again sometime!

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Tagged: anorexia, binge eating disorder, body image, body shaming, bulimia, compulsive overeating, eating disorder awareness week, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders, FREED, gender, NEDA, NEDAW, recovery, weight stigma, weightism]]>https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/06/14/living-in-recovery-a-panel-on-eating-disorders-422014/feed/0mwetselTruth in Advertising – Spring 2014 with the Eating Disorders Coalitionhttps://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/truth-in-advertising-spring-2014-with-the-eating-disorders-coalition/
https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/truth-in-advertising-spring-2014-with-the-eating-disorders-coalition/#commentsMon, 14 Apr 2014 15:50:33 +0000http://arenomore.wordpress.com/?p=1342Continue reading →]]>We’ve known for years that consumption of media that pushes thin ideals makes people feel worse about themselves, which in turn can lead to or reinforce dangerous disordered eating behaviors. That’s not just a bunch of body image activists talking – in 2011, the American Medical Association (AMA) did it’s own extensive research on the subject. The AMA concluded that “photoshopped” ads which portray unrealistic human bodies have such a detrimental effect on body image and self esteem that it became the organization’s official opinion to strongly discourage the practice. You can read about the AMA’s 2011 findings here on the AMA’s official site, the Huffington Post, ABC News, and EatingDisorder.org.

Unfortunately, the AMA doesn’t exactly have any authority to enforce that policy on the beauty and diet industry. However, Congress does, and with the strong precedent established by the American Medical Association, that’s exactly what we’re hoping to do.

On April 3, 2014, the Eating Disorders Coalition took to Capitol Hill for it’s 25th lobby day (wow!). I’m happy to say I’ve been there for approximately half of them, having attended twice a year since 2007. In addition to supporting the FREED Act, we’re terribly excited to be advocating for a new Bill that has been introduced with support out the door from both Republican and Democrat lawmakers. In late March, Representatives Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FL), Lois Capps (D-CA), and Ted Deutch (D-FL) introduced the Truth in Advertising Act of 2014 (read the full bill text here). The Eating Disorders Coalition also put out a press release on their blog.

This new Bill would ask the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), which already regulates false advertising as a means of consumer protection, to further study the effects of computer-altered ads involving the human form. A pharmaceutical company can’t put out a new drug saying it will do something that it indeed doesn’t do – that’s a deceptive advertising practice. That’s why all those really up-beat drug commercials with smiling people in perfect suburban neighborhoods have fine print at the bottom informing you they’re actors and that results may vary. Essentially, if a diet or beauty product puts a model in their advertisement, but then photoshops the heck out of the image so much that the model doesn’t even recognize himself or herself, that’s false advertising, too. They can’t truly say that someone who used their product achieved those results, because they clearly didn’t.

What about Free Speech? Yeah, that was my first question, too. Obviously, artistic expression is a protected form of free speech. The Bill would not effect magazine covers or editorial content – only advertisements meant to sell products. The FTC already exercises that power over advertisements as a means of consumer protection, it’s just usually an authority used on literal words or statements. Given the strong empirical link between computer-altered media and negative body image, low self esteem, and disordered eating behaviors, it’s an easy argument to make that this is a matter of public health. The authors of the Bill have been very careful and clear in their wording of it, and there’s no doubt in my mind that Congresswoman Ros-Lehtinen would be championing the effort is there was any risk of it infringing on free speech. Not to mention, it’s less than three pages long – you can read the whole thing faster than you can read this blog post!

As leader of the Virginia Team, my group managed to meet with seven different offices the day we were there. We had very positive meetings in every office, and an especially good meeting with Congressman Robert Hurt. Meetings usually occur with Congressional staff, but Representative Hurt met with us personally and took a special interest in the cause.

Virginia Team with Congressman Robert Hurt

By the way… this issue isn’t going away any time soon. TIME Magazine did an amazing write-up about the efforts on April 3 (please share and RT!):

Search #TruthInAds on Twitter to follow the conversation online, and use that hashtag when sharing information about the efforts!

Care about this issue? Can’t attend Lobby Day but still want to make a difference? Good news, you can! Remember, the Truth in Advertising Act of 2014 has already been determined to be zero-cost. Price of new legislation is usually one of the biggest barriers to getting new laws passed, in addition to finding ways of legislating that both parties can agree on. As previously stated, this Bill is already bipartisan!

If you live in the United States, asking your Representative in Congress to support a Bill is really easy. First, go here:

Find out who your rep is, and then from there you can locate their office contact info from their personal website. You can call or a write letter (or both!) and ask them to check out HR4341. If you have a personal connection or experience with eating disorders, let them know why this is so important to you. And of course, you can consider coming to DC in the Fall!

The next Lobby Day with the Eating Disorders Coalition is September 30-October 1. Mark your calendars now!

Finally, we bid farewell to our Policy Director, Jeanine Cogan. After 14 years she is ready to move on to other things, but the EDC wouldn’t exist without her amazing efforts and commitment to the cause. You can read her farewell statement here on the EDC blog.

Alright, here are some pictures from Lobby Day and the reception the night before. Please ask your rep to support Truth in Advertising, share this post with everyone, and please consider coming to advocate with us in the Fall!

Group shot! VA Team didn’t make this picture, unfortunately, since we had an early meeting. Photo by Jimm Knapp.

Some very attractive advocates having a very important conversation. Photo by Jim Knapp.

Another shot of VA team at the end of the day after a few others had to leave. Seriously, everyone on the team did an amazing job letting me drag them around Capitol Hill.

We had the good fortune of some perfect weather. Photo by Jim Knapp.

This is Seth Matlins. If it wasn’t for him, the Truth in Advertising Bill wouldn’t exist. Special thanks to him for his passion, advocacy, and commitment to this issue. Photo by Jim Knapp.

Saw this a block away from the Senate buildings. It’s quite fitting, no?

Thanks for reading. Please contact your representatives, and maybe I’ll see you in DC in October?

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Tagged: anorexia, binge eating disorder, body image, body shaming, bulimia, compulsive overeating, eating disorder recovery, FREED, men with eating disorders, photoshop, TruthInAds, TruthInAdvertising, weightism]]>https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/truth-in-advertising-spring-2014-with-the-eating-disorders-coalition/feed/2mwetselBriefing KmacRep. Ted Duetch and EDC Board President Johanna KandelCongressman HurtGroup ShotReception 1Reception 220140403_160748Capitol NightSeth 120140402_164849I Had No Idea! Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2014https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/03/03/i-had-no-idea-eating-disorder-awareness-week-2014/
https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/03/03/i-had-no-idea-eating-disorder-awareness-week-2014/#commentsMon, 03 Mar 2014 19:38:03 +0000http://arenomore.wordpress.com/?p=1307Continue reading →]]>So I can cross one more thing off my bucket list: driving to and from New York City. I had a last-minute invite for a panel with the National Eating Disorders Association, and thankfully was able to make the trip.

Always happy to have an excuse to go to NYC, it was too late to get good bus or train fare. So I recruited a friend, and we drove up the day before the panel. At only 330 miles from my beloved Richmond, it’s a drive that should only take about 5 1/2 hours, but can take much longer due to traffic in and around Washington, DC. Still, we kept to our schedule so well that I was almost surprised that it all worked out. Just goes to show you, if you really want to do something, you’ll make it happen.

It’s an interesting thing, approaching NY at night. You see it all lit up in the distance, but it still feels far away. We finally passed through the Lincoln Tunnel around 10pm, and suddenly we were there.

We stayed with a friend I knew from high school but hadn’t seen in years (thanks again, Courtney!) and managed to get a short visit with my good friend Jenn Friedman. She has an awesome project that has been in the works for awhile now, but will finally be released on March 15. She’s written a book and an album about recovery with a song to accompany each chapter. Her main site has all the info on the project, and NYC folks can check out the release party happening on 3/15 (buy tickets here).

I hit up a few more favorite spots in Manhattan, and soon it was time for the panel at NEDA’s office in Times Square. It occurred to me that in less than a month, I’ve done two panels (and a research presentation) on opposite coasts, and both times I’ve had the same experience being welcomed by an organization. There’s something about the eating disorder advocacy community that cuts through the small talk and I find myself having really genuine interactions with people. Maybe it’s because we’re there to talk about really personal things? I’m not sure, but I like it. It doesn’t matter which organization you put your time into or which state (or country!) you’re in, we’re all in it for the same fight.

Also, it’s the second time in a month I’ve been really honored to share a stage with some amazing people with some powerful testimonies about how eating disorders have affected their lives, but also how they’ve worked to overcome them. The other panelists were:

Susan Maccia,who spoke about her daughter’s struggles with and recovery from an eating disorder. You can read more about Susan here.

Adam Radwan, the brother of a woman with an eating disorder. He shared a touching story about how family and sibling relationships are disrupted by an eating disorder. You can read his story here.

Stacey Sargeant, an actress and dancer who received mixed messages all her life about how her body should look. As a ballerina, she was told she was too curvy, despite being an accomplished dancer. You can see Stacey’s official site here, and here’s a segment she did on Katie.

Corazon Tierra, who developed an eating disorder at the age of 8 after immigrating from Puerto Rico. Corazon’s story sheds light on how different cultural values coincide with American beauty standards. She is now an accomplished author, speaker, and dancer, all of which she incorporates into workshops to work within women around the world to promote healthy body image. Check out her website here (and in English here!)

Temimah Zucker, who developed an eating disorder after starting college. Her experience both with anorexia and with recovery was shaped in large part by growing up an Orthodox Jew, and her faith contributed greatly to her recovery. You can read her story on NEDA’s site.

The panel was introduced and moderated by Dr. Brad E. R. Smith of the University of Wisconsin. Dr. Smith went over some of the changes to eating disorder diagnoses in the DSM-V, including Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which is finally and officially recognized as it’s own eating disorder diagnosis.

The panel was taped, so if any video makes it online, I’ll update this post with clips. Thanks again to NEDA for the invitation to participate and do something awesome for Eating Disorder Awareness Week! As we exited the Lincoln Tunnel and saw Manhattan get smaller and smaller as we drove, I could still make out the Empire State Building lit up with NEDA’s blue and green colors in recognition of awareness week:

Driving to NYC and back in such a short amount of time can be a little disorienting, but it was also a lot of fun. By the way, New Jersey’s frequent gas stops and 24 hour Starbucks might be the only reason we made it back Tuesday night. Thanks, NJ.

That’s all for now. Check the front page for upcoming events, including an interview via Mental Fitness’ Facebook page (details under events) and I’m coming back to New York April 12 for a discussion/reading event at Bluestockings. Til then.

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]]>https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/03/03/i-had-no-idea-eating-disorder-awareness-week-2014/feed/0mwetselNEDA Feb 2014NEDA EmpireEDRS 2014 and West Coast Adventureshttps://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/02/17/edrs-2014-and-west-coast-adventures/
https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/02/17/edrs-2014-and-west-coast-adventures/#commentsMon, 17 Feb 2014 17:54:08 +0000http://arenomore.wordpress.com/?p=1214Continue reading →]]>The snow had started falling again when I started working on this write-up, and I couldn’t help but miss California all the more. It’s not that I mind the snow, in fact I rather like watching it fall, but all the same – I miss California.

For those of you who don’t know, I just got back from a ten day trip to the west coast following an invitation to present at the 2014 Eating Disorder Recovery Support, Inc. (EDRS) Conference. EDRS functions as a treatment scholarship fund for California residents who have been approved or prescribed outpatient treatment but don’t have the means to pay for it (how cool is that?!).

According to EDRS Board President Bridget Whitlow, last year they raised over $26k, providing assistance to 45 individuals. At the start of the conference, they were expecting to raise over $30k this year and already had 25 people on their waiting list. The Monday following the conference, they anticipated they would be able to respond to everyone who had applied for assistance. I can’t get over what a wonderful concept it is, and the fact that alongside organizing a conference that would probably already get a lot of attendees (because honestly, they had a wonderful line-up of presentations), the EDRS is making a real, direct difference in the lives of real people.

Since I don’t make it out to California very often, I decided to make it a trip worth remembering [Note: skip to about half-way down if you just want to read about the conference]. Turns out, it was exactly the kind of adventure I needed. I flew into Los Angeles on a Friday morning and got picked up by an old friend who had relocated to LA in the past two years. I stayed in Simi Valley, a small suburb northwest of LA, with another friend from Richmond for the weekend. Then the real adventure began – the conference was in San Francisco, and I decided to rent a car and drive up Highway 1 – a road that’s carved into the California cliff-side overlooking the Pacific coastline.

Adventures in Simi Valley.

I stopped in San Luis Obispo (SLO) and stayed with some new friends I was introduced to through a mutual friend here in Richmond. SLO is almost exactly half-way between Los Angeles and San Francisco, so it was an ideal stopping point for my drive. I had wanted to try and organize some small discussion-type events on my way to the conference, since I really believe that community-based discussions about eating disorders are very important. My friend Zach in SLO helps run a community space that hosts a lot of bands and other events, so Sunday night about seven of us gathered around a heat dish (it was surprisingly cold in SLO) and had a nice long discussion.

Between SLO and San Francisco is where Highway 1 really gets amazing. I stopped in Santa Cruz for lunch, and was in Oakland by 4pm.

The coastline near Big Sur.

More of the coastline. The pictures don’t do it justice.

Santa Cruz.

I arrived in Oakland on Monday (2/3), and the conference didn’t start until Thursday. This gave me the chance to catch up with one of my closest friends, Becca, whom I hadn’t seen in four years. Fun fact: Becca is the friend that I was on the phone with when I smashed my scale in 2005. She was a big source of social support when I was in recovery. Coming to visit her in California to present at a conference centered around eating disorders was a great opportunity to reflect on how much things have changed, how far I’ve come, and where I want to go from here. We hit up a bunch of amazing restaurants, explored Oakland and San Francisco, and spent a lot of time at her live-in zoo (Becca has two cats, two dogs, rabbits, and domestic chickens!)

Becca and I looking a whole lot warmer than we actually were atop San Francisco’s Twin Peaks.

All three keynotes had a recurring theme: the equation of weight and health hurts everyone. Oftentimes, people living in larger bodies are scrutinized for being seemingly unhealthy, as excess body fat in and of itself is often mistaken as a personal failure on the part of the individual. This is despite the fact that many people who would be considered by some medical standards to be “overweight” or obese also show signs of binge eating disorder or other disordered eating behaviors. Linda Bacon spoke at length at how the current medical dialogue on obesity shames patients, and a lot of the positive body image work in the industry is strictly in the context of dieting or weight loss – not in accepting your body the way it is. Instead, Bacon tries to appeal to the humanistic side of things – about what it’s like to live in a larger body and be subject to all of that scrutiny and shame, since research has shown that shaming people for being obese often triggers binge eating and weight gain.

Linda Bacon and me after her keynote.

Chevese Turner touched on these issues more, as well as how binge eating disorder (BED) fits into the spectrum of disordered eating. She argues that due to the way binge eaters often restrict food intake through dieting or feelings of shame due to their bingeing that BED might sometimes more accurately be called “high-weight anorexia.” This is because the malnutrition and the effects on the body of the cycle of food restriction are very similar and pose many of the same long-term health risks.

Dr. Bermudez drove this point home, insisting that weight is a proxy of health, but not a reliable measure of health. Instead, in Denver they focus on restoring nutrition, since that directly affects brain function. They’ve observed that, even after being weight restored, patients may not fully restore all cognitive functions until three years of regular nutrition and maintaining healthy weight. He also made another important point: even patients who may still be considered in a normative weight range or a higher weight than average for their age/height: all must weight restore; weight gain will be part of their treatment if they have been engaging in restrictive eating. This is in large contrast to the popular narrative of weight loss as an intrinsically healthy behavior.

So, what exactly was I up to at the conference? I had the pleasure of sitting on a panel led by Dr. Bermudez with four other amazing advocates: Marcella Raimondao, Ph.D., MPH, Maria Raquel Gramajo, Stephanie Covington Armstrong, and Yonnie Leung. I hadn’t heard any of the other panelists’ stories prior to the session, but everyone on the panel illustrated one important point: eating disorders don’t discriminate on the basis of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, or social class.

The assembled diversity panel.

I received word before the conference that (most likely through some clerical error, ha) I had been nominated for the annual award EDRS gives out to acknowledge the work of people making contributions to educate and advocate in important ways to advance eating disorders. Well, they had a surprise for all of us… they couldn’t decide so they gave the award to all the nominees! I think it was a fine solution. You can read more about the award and the other recipients here.

EDRS Love Warrior Crew.

Finally, on Saturday I gave a presentation on a research paper I wrote called The Feminization of Eating Disorders and the Case for Gender Inclusivity. It was a real pleasure and honor to get to engage with people on this subject, since I really believe that in order for the field of eating disorders to advance, we must be inclusive of everyone. Focusing on the statistical majority feeds into the ongoing misperception that in order to have an eating disorder, you’re probably a cisgender white girl or woman. This positions the diagnoses (and the recovery culture that has built up around the topic over the last few decades) as only aimed at women, which in turn creates additional layers of stigma for everyone who doesn’t fit that narrow description. Throw that into a culture of hypermasculinity and homophobia, and it becomes a serious problem. That’s really short version, anyway. Want to know more? Drop me a line.

It would be impossible to summarize the whole conference, every presentation, and all the great work being done by the people I was able to meet. If I have the time, I’m going to try to do a write-up on Dr. Kara Fitzpatrick’s insights into the DSM-V changes on EDs, though, because it was quite interesting.

With that, I’ll leave it with some more pictures from the conference. Thanks again to everyone at EDRS, everyone who said hi, chatted, came to my talks, and/or cares about this issue. We’re all in this together.

Finally crossed paths with Carolyn Costin. If you aren’t familiar with her work, you should be. She’s amazing.

Me with Bridget Whitlow, EDRS President and all around fantastic human.

Costin (left), Bermudez (middle), and other panelists from the excellent Saturday panel.

Me awkwardly leaning into the microphone.

The largest member of Becca’s in-home zoo, Dojo.

I almost forgot, we made it to the San Francisco Zen Center for a talk. It was great.

Feeling blessed.

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]]>https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/02/17/edrs-2014-and-west-coast-adventures/feed/1mwetselIMG_20140131_06123507Bridg01IMG_20140205_145633IMG_20140205_205113IMG_20140207_185334Review: Against Me!’s Transgender Dysphoria Blueshttps://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/review-against-mes-transgender-dysphoria-blues/
https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/review-against-mes-transgender-dysphoria-blues/#commentsTue, 21 Jan 2014 22:35:00 +0000http://arenomore.wordpress.com/?p=1189Continue reading →]]>I’ve never reviewed any music on my blog before, but then again there haven’t been any records by bands I listen to that have mattered as much as this one. Punk has never quite lived up to its promise of being all-inclusive and all-accepting; sexism and homophobia have always been problems just as they are in other subcultures and societies. Maybe that’s why I find the candid honesty of Against Me!’s frontwoman, Laura Jane Grace, about her identity (and the concept album she’s written about it) so refreshing. It doesn’t feel like it was over year and a half ago when she came out as transgender and intent to start hormone replacement therapy, but here we are: it’s 2014 and the album is only now out.

Rough Surf on the Coast
Grace has always written about gender dysphoria in her music (see ‘Violence’ on Searching for a Former Clarity, ‘The Ocean’ of New Wave, and ‘Bamboo Bones’ on White Crosses to name a few), but never in such a personal, obvious, or unapologetic way. While other public figures with a pop culture status have had somewhat public transitions, Grace stands out since she spends more than half of a given year on tour, on stage, performing music and meeting fans. Short of putting her musical career on hold and withdrawing from the public eye to transition privately, there wasn’t really any other way to go about it but to be as up front as possible.

In terms of trans* visibility, it’s pretty significant. There are many strong voices who are very open about who they are, but Grace’s presence, visibility, and accessibility in the music scene over the past fifteen years makes her stand out more than others. Since Against Me! never became so huge that they stopped playing club shows, it’s typically been easy to talk to the band after a set and say hello – despite a brief major label stint that resulted in some more mainstream commercial success.

Both Grace herself and the record, Transgender Dysphoria Blues, matter in part for their degree of visibility. That’s because this is a highly personal record, one which struggles with self-hatred, suicidal ideation, gender dysphoria, reflections on mortality, and ultimately, self-acceptance. It’s blunt, it’s direct, at times vulgar, and at times heart-breaking. Moreover, in the ten songs which span a mere 29 minutes, Grace says more about her struggles and life than some musicians say in their entire careers. The fact that the band itself has had lineup changes over the past few years, placing the recording and release of these songs into a production hell that lasted over a year, fits the themes of the album well. While many the songs have been played live (both at solo shows and with a full band) since at least 2012, having the proper track order and finalized lyrics really bring the depth of these songs into light.

My initial exposure and first few listens were on vinyl, and with five songs evenly distributed on each side, TDB really feels as though it has a very distinct first and second act. The first half of the album is full of discordant thoughts, opening with the eponymous title track where Grace shouts:

“Your tells are so obvious / shoulders too broad for a girl… You want them to notice / the ragged ends of your summer dress / you want them to see you like they see every other girl / they just see a faggot / they hold their breath not to catch the sick.”

Tracks 2-4 see the narration struggling with a sense of doom and self-destructiveness (True Trans Soul Rebel), made worse by trying to fit into a macho culture which only makes the dysphoria more intense (Drinking with the Jocks). On Drinking…, she tries to encapsulate what is often laughed off as ‘locker room talk’ and the clear discomfort she’s experienced in male circles and the way that men she’s encountered have talked about and objectified women. I would say the sense of discomfort is well-achieved, as I find myself singing along to the album but then stopping myself during the second verse of ‘Drinking with the Jocks’ for its sheer vulgarity (which isn’t even a word I use very often). I won’t repeat them here, but you can read them here if you’re curious.

There Will Always Be a Difference Between Me and You
The second half of the album opens with F***MyLife666, a song which is sonically similar to the opening track but much different in lyrical tone. Rather than picking apart the ways that her body doesn’t look the way she wants, the song focuses on delicate features and marks a clear transition in thought:

“The ease of your pose / the grace of your silhouette / The way that your shoulders meet your slender neck … All things made to be destroyed, all moments meant to pass / No more troubled sleep, there’s a brave new world raging inside of me.”

The next two tracks focus on mortality, first the reflecting on the death of a friend in the simply titled ‘Dead Friend’ (written for a friend of the band who died in 2011) followed by ‘Two Coffins,’ a song she wrote for her daughter. The listener gets the impression that the events leading up to her decision to go through with transitioning have her contemplating her own mortality and the limited time we have to actually live. The simplicity to ‘Dead Friend’s chorus and the way it’s sung simultaneously harnesses the anger and sense of loss that accompany tragic and unexpected deaths, simply singing: “Goddamnit / Goddamn I miss my dead friend.”

Meanwhile, ‘Two Coffins’ revisits the temporary nature of existence touched on in ‘F***MyLife666’, but with a sense of reverence for the time we have:

“How lucky I ever was to see / The way that you smile at me / Your little moon face shining bright at me / One day soon, there’ll be nothing left of you and me / Two coffins for sleep.”

The album closes with ‘Black Me Out’, a song which has already been established as a crowd-pleaser and sing-a-long at shows, and serves as a triumphant declaration against anyone who isn’t going to accept her for who she is:

“I don’t want to see the world that way anymore / I don’t want to feel that weak and insecure… Full body high / I’m never coming down / Black me out.”

No More Troubled Sleep
This sense of new beginning fits with the troubled history of the band in the past few years. Getting these songs out, on tour, and having a stable line-up is a great reflection of the closing sentiment of the album and sense of new beginnings. I saw Against Me! countless times in the early 2000s and even forged a few friendships over love of the band, but didn’t follow them as closely when they went major label. Hearing bootlegs of the new songs over the past year renewed my interest, though, and I had the pleasure of seeing Grace play a solo show in August in Washington, DC, and a full-band show in VA Beach earlier this month. To me, Against Me! was always best as a solo act, and the new songs really shined with just her and her acoustic guitar in DC.

Saying hi to Laura after the show in August 2013

I was pleasantly surprised, though, to see how tight the new lineup is. Grace and company tore through over twenty songs from the band’s entire catalog and they all sounded great. New bassist Inge Johansson was clearly having a good time on stage, and new drummer Atom Willard does justice to older songs where Warren Oakes’ playing style and energy added so much to the first two LPs.

Even if this type of music isn’t your thing, this album matters if you’re at all concerned about creating a culture of body positivity and body acceptance. Endlessly misunderstood, scrutinized, and treated as a spectacle, transsexual individuals are frequently bullied, interrogated, and regarded as less than human. Just this month, we’ve seen the suicide of a trans woman following an invasive ESPN article which blatantly ignored the terms under which she agreed to do the story – that they focus on the new golf club she was developing, and not her personal background. This was followed by an imperfect apology from Editor-In-Chief Bill Simmons, who explained that 15 different people read the article in question and it never occurred to them to reach out to someone in the trans community for input.

This record matters because of people like Dr. V. As eating disorder and body image activists, these issues matter because there isn’t any room in our society and especially in a body image and recovery culture for homophobia or transphobia.

Another year over. If you’re new around here, this may be a great way to get acquainted! Here’s a handful of my favorite posts from the past year, along with some other developments.

March 1, 2013: Anorexia in Men on the RiseI started off last year with a few segments discussing eating disorders in boys and men. I keep saying it, but it’s still true: I’m very grateful to the Huffington Post for their continued coverage and interest in the subject!

April 10, 2013:Striving For Perfection – Boys & Body Image
Another segment, this one with Al Jazeera English, where we were joined by my friend Claire Mysko and some other great panelists. Appreciate the good questions and discussion we had, check it out!

April 21, 2013:No More Gender BiasI finally got a hold of the recording of the speech I gave in 2011 at the EDC Spring Congressional Briefing. Very honored to participate. You can watch the full thing at the link above, along with the full transcript.

April 19, 2013:Eating Disorder Advocacy in Washington DCApril saw another Lobby Day on Capitol Hill. I’ve been going twice a year for over seven years, and it’s still the most important thing I’ve done. Educating Congress and reforming health laws to meet the needs of people with eating disorders has the potential to help millions and save lives. Kari Adams of the Kari Adams Show was there with us, and she did a couple of interviews with people from the EDC about the work we do in DC.

December 7, 2013:…We Now Face Death
In November, one of my favorite professors died of pancreatic cancer. He never knew it, but he had a profound impact on my life and my recovery. In case you don’t have time to read it, at least heed some of his last words in the final email he sent out:

So, please use your life well. It truly is like having a bucket of gold dust with a little hole in the bottom. I know that we tend to see the value in something more, when we are about to lose it. Maybe that’s why I’m saying this stuff to you. But, I have understood the truth of the value of life for a few years now. When I look back over my life now, I see it as one of extraordinary value… How lucky I was! … It will be hard to equal the value of this life.

We should all be so lucky to look back on our lives and see the extraordinary value in them. RIP, Dr. Perdue.

—

In 2013:

We also had to say goodbye to Matt Ryd, who lost his battle with depression and eating disorders.

There were a number of policy achievements on the federal level:
-Health and Human Services released the final rulings for the 2008 parity law, which has important implications for patients with eating disorders, including the requirement for insurance companies to make available the criteria by which they deem treatment “not medically necessary!”

-The EDC put together a report on the benchmark plans for the state exchanges through the Affordable Care Act to see what benefits might potentially help people with eating disorders.

And finally… here’s my own 2013 in pictures. I went to Brazil, I finally met face to face with some fellow ED activists, I finished the Gender Studies program I was in, won an award from the Virginia Social Science Association for a paper on eating disorders and health policy, and a whole lot more!

NEDA 2013 with Benjamin O’Keefe and Brian Cuban

Award reception with Dr. Tim Brazil of the Virginia Social Science Association, April 2013

Tomorrow is always a new day, and eventually it’s a new year. Here’s to 2014.

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Tagged: activism, anorexia, body culture, body image, bulimia, compulsive overeating, eating disorders, men with eating disorders]]>https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/2013-year-in-review/feed/0mwetselNEDA 2013 with Benjamin O'Keefe and Brian CubanAward reception with Dr. Tim Brazil of the Virginia Social Science Association, April 2013NYC 9-2013Flying over Rio on the way to SalvadorPresenting at the University of Virginia, November 2013Visiting friends in Asheville…We Now Face Deathhttps://arenomore.wordpress.com/2013/12/07/we-now-face-death/
https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2013/12/07/we-now-face-death/#commentsSat, 07 Dec 2013 19:46:02 +0000http://arenomore.wordpress.com/?p=1048Continue reading →]]>Join me in saying goodbye to one of my favorite professors, who unknowingly had a profound impact on my recovery and my life.

********

“Having been born in this life as we have been,
we now face death.”

Dr. Daniel Perdue, 1950-2013

That was the very first statement Dr. Dan Perdue made to the religious studies classes he taught. He would go on to explain that, no matter the differences between the many religions of the world, what they all have in common is that they are concerned with what happens to us when we die. His specialty was Tibetan Buddhism, but he also taught general survey classes on eastern religion. He was one of the most interesting, wise, and challenging professors I ever had, and though he never knew it, his classes had an indelible impact on my life and played an important role in my recovery.

When I heard that Dr. Perdue had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, I and many others wondered how he would face his death. Though he had devoted his academic career and spiritual practice to such questions, no one wants a fatal diagnosis, especially at the age of only 63. As a man who had taught classes the world over and developed many close friendships here in Richmond, he sent out mass emails in August to update everyone on his condition. A friend forwarded me the first one, and I mistakenly thought I had gotten on the mailing list for future emails.

Following his passing on November 18, I re-read the first email and realized he had stated he would send out another. And so it happened that I didn’t read his second email until the day before his memorial service, billed as a Celebration of Life.

I was surprised and touched by what I read. The jovial man whom we all thought incapable of anything but a gentle, happy disposition shared that, in his late twenties and early thirties, he had struggled with substance abuse and depression. In August 2013, he wrote:

I think I did not adequately value my life. I reckon that I wasted nearly a third of it/about 20 years… On many days, especially between the ages of about 27 to 33, I thought of suicide… In time, I gave up on the idea of suicide, but I sort of symbolically threw myself against the wall, drinking and smoking too much and practicing unhealthy habits. Perhaps seeing the scope of what was to come for me, one day completely out of the blue, Kensur Yeshi Thupten said to me, “Toenyoe, happy people don’t drink and take drugs.” But I did. It was a sort of petit suicide, day by day for years.

During his service, someone shared what many of us had all thought at one time or another – a suspicion that Dr. Perdue was actually a bodhisattva, so committed he was to teaching, to the Dharma, and how he built friendships everywhere he went. His apparent struggles with depression and substance abuse made the accomplishments of the second half of his life, as well as his demeanor and attitude, all the more impressive.

Yet I was touched on a much more personal level to hear of the suffering my professor endured, because when I took my first class with him in early 2004, I was suffering immensely.

My eating disorder was arguably at its worst. Truly, I probably should have been in a hospital instead of a dormitory. I was near my lowest weight. I wasn’t sleeping well, and it was in those quiet moments trying to fall asleep at night that the mental chaos and physical pain anorexia had wrought was hardest to escape or ignore. I was miserable, unable to think or function well from the malnourishment. I often thought of suicide. This is not something I have often shared publicly, but in the wake of Dr. Perdue’s last testament, I see no reason to censor this fact.

And so it was that as he began his lecture on eastern religion and the nature of suffering as he always did, there is no way that Dr. Perdue could have known about the Hell I was living in.

“Having been born in this life as we have been, we now face death.”

As he began the introduction to Buddhism, he started with the first of the Four Noble Truths: the truth of suffering, or dukka (dukka is also translated to mean anxiety, stress, and dissatisfaction, among others). The truth of suffering is that we all suffer.

We all endure hardship.
We all get sick.
We all experience loss.
We will all eventually die.

It’s in our nature to try and minimize displeasure and to maximize comfort – human nature is hedonistic on a very basic level. We all put on coats to avoid the discomfort of being cold, for example. If there is one thing that every living thing has in common, it is our capacity to experience suffering.

Perdue went on to explain that, as Buddhism understands the world, there is nothing in our fragile lives that cannot result in suffering – even things that we enjoy or are inherently pleasurable. He offered the examples of ice cream or even sex. Even things that bring us pleasure, done in extreme excess, may result in some mental or physical pain.

I was intrigued. I had never contemplated the world in this way, and one of the support groups I had started attending had a spiritual component that had become a giant roadblock. Others in the group who had a belief in God sailed through it, but my agonistic and at times atheistic disposition seemed incompatible.

Contemplating Dr. Perdue’s words, I slowly began to wonder if there was anything that we could experience in this life, in this world, that we could indulge in that would never result in suffering. If it could be identified, then maybe it could offer me some direction – something bigger, greater than myself that I could take refuge in.

I continued going to the group and attending his classes. Buddhist teaching and recovery programs were not so different: both emphasize, in varying capacities, the practice of compassion towards oneself. While I can only speak for myself, as far as I am concerned, without loving and forgiving oneself, there is no recovery. And self-forgiveness requires that we love ourselves unconditionally. Similarly, a central part of Buddhist practice is learning that compassion, practicing it inward, and then turning it outward. One day, it hit me so hard that I wondered how I never saw it before. I realized that there was something we’re all capable of experiencing and indulging in that will never cause us to suffer.

Unconditional love. Or, to put it another way, love without condition. This means we love others without wanting or expecting anything, including love, in return. This initially feels contrary to human nature, since there isn’t always an immediate or obvious benefit. Sometimes people mistake this idea of love without condition as a circumstance which might allow or encourage someone to stay in an abusive relationship, or to be taken advantage of. This is not the case.

Rather, it allows us to approach individuals and situations with the compassionate understanding that we all suffer. Just as Dr. Perdue had no idea the immense suffering I was experiencing in that first class with him, any person you encounter has their own burden. The positive regard he had for every one he encountered, though, created a circumstance where his compassion and love of life was infectious. He once said that, while he had never had any children of his own, the university gave him more children every semester.

After describing his substance abuse as a petit suicide, Dr. Perdue concluded his email with the following:

…Let me just say what I say at the beginning of the Asian Medical Systems course, “Don’t do as I do. Be smarter than me.” I have never been a model of health or how one should use a good life.

So, please use your life well. It truly is like having a bucket of gold dust with a little hole in the bottom. I know that we tend to see the value in something more, when we are about to lose it. Maybe that’s why I’m saying this stuff to you. But, I have understood the truth of the value of life for a few years now. When I look back over my life now, I see it as one of extraordinary value… How lucky I was! … It will be hard to equal the value of this life.

I cannot help but get a little choked up every time I read that last sentence. If it was not for Dr. Perdue’s class, it’s impossible to say how my recovery would have gone. Ten years since that first class, I only wish now that I could express my gratitude to him.

Despite many hardships, I find myself agreeing with his final sentiment. Though I (hopefully) still have many years, it truly will be hard to equal the value of this life.

Tagged: anorexia, buddhism, eating disorders, men with eating disorders, recovery, Richmond, RVA, Tibetan Buddhism, UVA, VA, VCU, Virginia]]>https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2013/12/07/we-now-face-death/feed/4mwetselPerdue1Keeping Up With Recovery Over the Holidayshttps://arenomore.wordpress.com/2013/11/23/keeping-up-with-recovery-over-the-holidays/
https://arenomore.wordpress.com/2013/11/23/keeping-up-with-recovery-over-the-holidays/#commentsSat, 23 Nov 2013 18:00:43 +0000http://arenomore.wordpress.com/?p=1043Continue reading →]]>Holidays. While most people look forward to the time off, seeing family and friends, and all the delicious food that usually comes with them, if you’re in recovery, that last one can be quite the challenge. It’s something I struggled with a lot while I was still in recovery, so I thought I’d share some of the things that got me through difficult times.

Keep in mind, these are things that worked for me. Recovery is a very personal process and any kind of suggestions or advice will need to be fine-tuned to meet your own needs. As they said so often in the groups I attended, take what is useful, and leave the rest.

1. Psyche Yourself Up

If there are going to be a lot of people for lunch or dinner wherever you spend your holidays, then that means you need to prepare yourself so you aren’t caught off guard by the things people might say or do.

Holidays often mean seeing family members you haven’t seen in a long time, and in our image-focused, weight-obsessed culture, one of the first things people comment on is appearances.

People who don’t know you have an eating disorder might say something like, “You look so good! Have you lost weight?” not realizing that it’s actually a problem and is nothing to be complimenting or celebrating. When I was in recovery, sometimes even being told I looked healthy would get filtered through the anorexic voice in my head and I would hear something closer to, “You’ve gained weight and they can tell!”

The way I worked through either version of this situation was to remind myself that whatever people had to say, they were trying to be friendly and were well-intentioned. People who have never had an eating disorder may never fully understand what it’s like, so internalizing a well-intentioned greeting or attempt at a compliment doesn’t do anyone any favors.

Of course, even if you do psych yourself up for it, that doesn’t mean you won’t need additional support. That’s why the second tip is…

2. Recruit An Ally

This was never something I really needed for holidays, but I do have a perfect example of this. In 2004, I went on a trip to New York as a part of Alternative Spring Break when I was an undergraduate. I was still very early in my recovery, and the trip involved traveling with nine other students. We stayed in a hostel, worked in clothing banks and soup kitchens all day, and then we took turns cooking dinner for the group most nights.

In other words, it was terrifying.

After a few days, I realized if I didn’t speak up for myself, I was going to have a really difficult time. I asked someone on the trip if we could talk privately, and when we had the chance she and I lagged behind the group. I told her I was in recovery from an eating disorder, and that I couldn’t always put it into words but sometimes I was just overwhelmed by food. I assured her I intended to eat and take care of myself, but that sometimes I might need to get my own food or do things separate from the group. I was fortunate that she was so understanding. For the rest of the trip all I had to do was walk over to her and tell her I was feeling anxious or freaking out, and she would walk outside with me or keep me company. Sometimes, people would start talking a lot about weight or food, and if she noticed I was trying to change the subject, she would chime in and help redirect the conversation.

The same thing can be done for the holidays. Maybe you have a sibling, a cousin, or an aunt who you can trust to be understanding with these things. Reaching out to someone in advance and just knowing that they’re in tune with the fact that a big Thanksgiving dinner is a challenge can help ease some of the tension.

Having a friend to text or call can be just as good. Letting a trusted friend know you’ll need support and to ask if they can keep their phone handy can be a lifesaver. Sometimes I would call a friend and we would talk about anything but food – I just needed the distraction.

Maybe you don’t have someone like that in your family or who will be in attendance. If you have a friend to call, maybe they aren’t able to answer when you call. What do you do then?

3. Have a Backup Plan

Even if you recruit someone to help support you, they might not always be available the whole time, and there’s always a chance they won’t know exactly what to say or do. And that’s okay!

I always had a backup plan. Above all else, recovery to me was not optional, and I was firmly committed to not acting on urges to engage in disordered eating behavior. It’s a process and we don’t always succeed all of the time, but when we are in the moment and are feeling overwhelmed, that’s when it’s important to know what you’re going to do instead.

Eventually, that anxiety or stress or sense of discomfort passes. To facilitate that process, you can have any number of backup plans. When I was in recovery, sometimes being out to eat at a restaurant would be too much, but I didn’t want to draw a lot of attention to myself either.

Sometimes I would just say I had an important phone call to make and walk outside. Some fresh air along with some peace and quiet went a long way to helping myself calm down and get back to #1 – psyching myself up to go back inside, have a meal with my friends, and enjoy the company and food.

Other times, I needed the exact opposite of peace and quiet! If I had driven, sometimes I would go in my car, turn on the stereo, and blast the loudest, most energetic music I had to drown out my thoughts. If you have your headphones handy, they can work just as well. Even if you have to step into the bathroom, listening to a favorite song can help a lot. Both served the purpose of taking my mind to another place, refocus, and tell myself, “I can do this.”

4. Believe In Yourself

I frequently told myself “I can do this.” And if you’re reading this, then you should know – you can do this too! So much time with an eating disorder is spent engaging in negative self talk. Talking down to ourselves. Thinking we aren’t good enough, that no one understands or cares.

That’s why positive self talk can be such an important part of recovery. Maybe you don’t fully believe the positive things you say to yourself. It’s okay to doubt whether or not you actually can do recovery. It’s okay, because recovery is hard. That’s why we practice believing in ourselves even if we aren’t sure that we know something for certain. It may feel silly in the beginning, but is telling yourself you can do something any sillier than constantly telling yourself that you’re unattractive or incapable? I think not.

The truth is, the human body and spirit is incredibly resilient. Recovery is hard, in fact it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s also the most worthwhile. There’s no shame in having an eating disorder, and there’s no shame in reaching out to others for help.

I’m sure I’m not the only one with suggestions for how they’ve gotten through holidays before. Share any ideas or tips you’ve got in the comments below!

Busy, busy, busy! I feel like it’s still May, but apparently it’s already October? I haven’t had much time to do a post, so I thought I’d let everyone know what I’ve been up to and some of the amazing people I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with lately.

In September I spent a long weekend in New York City, and in addition to providing a much needed change of scenery, it afforded me the opportunity to finally meet up with some wonderful friends I’ve been in touch with and/or collaborated with online.

If you don’t already know who they are, you should check out their work!

Caroline Rothstein and I had been meaning to try and meet up for awhile now. She’s one of the strongest and most unique voices in eating disorder advocacy I know, turning her own experience with recovery and body acceptance into some powerful work. From writing to blogging to slam poetry, Caroline is a force to be reckoned with. Check out her poem, “Fat” and see for yourself:

Claire Mysko and I were on a segment together on The Stream earlier this year. Claire has made quite a name for herself, getting international attention for her work on body image and body acceptance. An accomplished author, speaker, and consultant, she has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association and has held senior positions at SmartGirl and Girls Incorporated. Check out http://clairemysko.com/ to learn more about her work, and definitely check out her recent (and excellent) editorial on The Frisky, The Wolf in the Cereal Bowl.

Jenn Friedman is a musician and eating disorder recovery advocate. She’s been busy working to combine those two passions in a project called “Eating Disorders On the Wire: Music and Metaphor as Pathways to Recovery,” which is supposed to come out really soon!

Kendra Sebelius runs Voice in Recovery, where she focuses on recovery not just from eating disorders, but from substance abuse and addiction as well. Kendra’s own efforts to get sober and recover inform her advocacy work with eating disorders, body image struggles, mental health issues, substance abuse and self harm. She’s also a fellow Junior Board member with the Eating Disorders Coalition.

By the way, we were at TeaNY, one of my favorite NYC spots. All their food is wonderful and the cheesecake is almost worth the trip alone.

Stay tuned for updates from Lobby Day last month, and the NEDA conference!