Luke Greenfield's THE ANIMAL, starring Rob Schneider (DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE
GIGOLO), is a comedic takeoff on the old Frankenstein legend. The hilarious
"kill the monster" ending, which is the only time the movie follows the
traditional Frankenstein story, is one of only two good parts to the movie.
The other is an adorable Colleen Haskell from the original "Survivor"
series, who plays Schneider's human love interest. As you watch her being
delightful in a movie which is awful, you find yourself eagerly awaiting her
next picture, which has to be better.

The story, which is explained in detail in the movie's abysmal trailers,
concerns Marvin Mange (Schneider), a loser of a man whose body is
reconstituted out of animal parts after a car accident. This causes him to
have a never ending stream of animal urges. Peeing around his restaurant
table in order to mark his territory is one such animalistic behavior.
Another, in a Tom Green moment, has him masticating a worm so that a baby
turkey vulture can peck the remains out of his mouth.

Are you laughing yet? You aren't? Well, how about a man who sniffs other
men's butts? A man who lusts after every tail -- of whatever species -- in
sight? A man who barfs up hairballs?

Okay, I give up. You aren't laughing.

The movie's tagline nicely sums it up: "He wasn't much of a man. ... Now
he's not much of an animal." Well, this much can be said in THE ANIMAL's
defense. It isn't the worst movie of the week. By a nose, it loses this
dubious distinction to another juvenile comedy, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD
HAPPEN?

THE ANIMAL runs, thankfully, only 1:23. It is rated PG-13 for some crude
and sexual humor and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up.

My son Jeffrey, age 12, gave the picture just a single *. He said it was
plotless slapstick that had only a few funny moments.