great post by the way, and I agree.
My son has co-slept in mummies arms from birth and is now 12 months and still co-sleeping. I am proud of co-sleeping and I am happy we have done it this way. However I understand co-sleeping isnt for everyone and I am fine if people don't co-sleep as well.

He is so un-adaptable he cant get his head around any other possibility xcept DTD in our bed at night with no baby in the room...

Yeah, my DH seems to be feeling a little inflexable these days too. The bed, 2am, not really wanting to try alternatives. I think though the issue for us right now is not the baby in the bed, but rather my exaustion keeping me from rousing. Which I'm sure would be worse if I were not sleeping with DD. I'm not too concerned though, he'll get over his limitations, I'll have energy again someday. It's just a little frustrating at the moment.

I believe that co-sleeping, like all other decisions (parenting or marital)between husband & wife, need to be reached together. When one isn't comfortable w/the decision, it cretes a rift. This rift can damage even the strongest of marriages. It's not the act that hurts the relationship, but the lack of comprimise, the lack of working together as a team that destroys a marriage. CO-sleeping can create excitiment during this years as you try & find places to be together. In the end, it has to be what the two of you want and you must be willing to do the work. This is of course just my 2 cents.

thanks for the sympathies,KimPM and RiverMamma.Actually things have improved, not in the sex department - there's been only one occasion in over 4 months, and it's not recently! - but in Dp's feelings about co sleeping. Well he still wants DS ultimately in the next room, but after a couple nights of me sleeping next door he said he was lonely and miserable and took down the bedbase, which he'd been refusing to do, so we are now quite happily on two mattresses on the floor in the main bedroom. It feels muchmore like we are a family now rather than 'me and ds' and Dp doing his own thing.

Laura88, I agree that cosleeping should ideally be both partners' wish. However, DP just isnt the one getting up all night, and my sanity is at stake should I have to do that 5-8 times a night which is how often DS wakes currently. It certainly has created a rift. But I feel more positive about it now. Only now,I think sex is even more off the agenda bc we've completely taken the cot down, and DS never goes in it anyway. Since DP doesn't seem to think of the lounge or any other room as a possibility, and i'm too shy to initiate that, I feel rather stuck and frustrated.

something that has been working for us latley, (now that DD can sit up & is quite content to sit & play alone for short periods of time,) is when I get up in the morning, I take DD potty, change & nurse her, then set her up in the living room to play for a little while & I can crawl back in bed w/ DH & have some intamacy, wether it is just cuddling & rubbies, or some good sex. This seems to be working pretty well, at least on mornings that we both don't have to rush off somewhere!

We co-sleep with a toddler and a newborn. I have to admit, it is tough sometimes. The baby wakes every 4 hours and Lea is a mover-all night! And she is one of those people that wakes if we get out of bed.

We try to put her to bed and then we get up to spend some time together, but she tends to wake up..we have to let her cry for a few minutes to fall back asleep. It usually only lasts 2 or 3 minutes, but it kills me to have to do that...

Anyways, we haven't had sex in bed for a while, but we have sex in lots of other places. Of course, it IS nice to have sex in bed..lol..but it isn't necessary!

All of our mainstream friends and family think we are crazy, but I have massive insomnia and had night terrors and I wish I could have slept with my parents but they were very against it and still are. And it bugs me because now they are using that as a reason for not watching the kids, because they "can't sleep in a crib", therefore they can't take them overnight-ever. Nice, huh?

Kara, Chad, dd L(5) and ds E(3) and expecting baby E on Valetine's Day ~We are a home-birthing, baby-wearing, home-made, co-sleeping, no-vax, crafting(both of items and of magick!), green living and loving family in Southern NH

I don't think that Co-sleeping has put a damper on our sex life....quite the contrary!
We just find times when she's sleeping and then sneak out the room and find someplace else to DTD. Its fun, if I do say so myself to find new places to DTD rather than in bed, or on the floor....

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why didn't anyone tell me this??? they should write that out on the formula can! i could of avoided the neck and back aches i've been having from dd not letting me move at night.

seriously

Quote:

Formula-fed babies tend to sleep longer and can be fed by either mom or dad (my brother's baby book states that he STTN at TWO months!). There is no "need" for a formula-fed baby to sleep next to Mom, so co-sleeping happens less often.

oh yes of course! because babies that are bottle fed are also somehow immune to wanting the warmth and cuddles from thier mamas at night. wanting to feel another person's warmth and presence aren't needs, only breastfeeding can be counted as a real need.

you need to get your head of your brother's baby book... because GUESS WHAT? wait for it... my 21mo bottle fed daughter STILL wakes up 3-4 times a night for a bottle. my 4yo still breastfed daughter woke up less than that at the same age. but somehow, according to you, my bottle fed babe should be STTN by now?

maybe you need to come and have a talk with her and convince her that since she has her milk from a silicon teat instead of a human one, she should also be hugging her teddy bear instead of her mama? oh, and don't she dare wake up mama or daddy because there is no real need for it.

Me too, I love feeling my husband close to me in the middle of the night and rolling over for a sleepy love making session. We moved our tiny crappy couch next to our bed and put a baby mattress on it. Our baby rarely sleeps all the way on our makeshift couch baby bed, but at least he can be on the edge of our bed without me worrying about him rolling off. This gives us enough room to quietly and gently be intimate in the middle of the night.