08:01 pm - Yeah, whatever. I have a 3CG blog to write tonight!I haven't been around much. More on that eventually, but I'm not currently able to read my fList. This was floating around some time ago. I have no idea what's "uncomfortable" about the following "uncomfortable survey."

2. Shortest relationship:1 week: Trina Sopher, in 5th grade. I broke up with her when I suddenly realized that I didn't want to actually go on a date with her. Jenny Rightmyer had called me the week before and badgered me into "going with" Trina, and I had agreed only when I was told I didn't actually have to do anything. Then, when a call came in from Jenny a week later asking me when I was going to take Trina out (I believe the suggestion was "bowling"), I pretty much chickened out and broke up with Trina via the same proxy who had set us up. I don't think I actually spoke to Trina that entire week, now that I think about it.

3. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you they love you?Three. I have had people other than girlfriends inform me that they love me, both "as friends" and as something deeper. My relationship with the phrase "I love you" is complicated, stemming from two relationships in particular (Ani and Kelly). When dealing with friends, I can use the phrase how I mean it. In dating situations, it no longer means what you think it means, but rather what she thinks it means. I am, thus, more careful about the phrase in dating relationships, and am extremely conservative in its use.

4. Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were dating?Once, I popped "the question." I got turned down. Since then, no, I haven't really. See below.

5. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?No. I have had physical sensations of "incompleteness" or "craving," but I don't consider that to be "painful."

6. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?Yes.

7. Are you happier single or in a relationship?Six of one, a half-dozen the other, speaking generally.

8. Have you ever been cheated on?I'm guessing not.

9. What is your favorite thing about the opposite sex?(Wow, this is a pretty hetero-focused question. . . I find that odd for some reason.) There's so much here. In women in general, softness, cleanliness, and gentleness top the chart; I like the naturalness of curves and the sound of a girl's laughter. In specific women, I love a no-nonsense woman who is confident and serious, but playful and mischievous. I am partial to child-like wonder and adult reality in equal balance.

10.Have you ever had your heart broken?Yes. But I've found a difference between what I once described as "heartbreak" and what I now know as "heartbreak." See below.

11. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?I have. Two, in fact. They were parts of cycles of emotional abuse, both years ago now. I'm not sure that either girl would view them as abusive on their part, and I wouldn't describe them that way to them, but I have been kicked around a bit. Oh, and I have a stalker now: does that count?

12. Talk to any of your exes?Yes, all except one. They are amazing women, strong and beautiful. I have a deep respect for the women I've dated, and a deep respect for the women who are my friends.

13. If you could go back in time would you change things to where you could still be with one of your exes?No, though I like to think of things I could have done differently, and situations I could have handled better. They wouldn't have changed the relationships, though, without changing the people in them.

14. Do any of your exes feel the same way?About changing things? I don't think any of them would change things to be with me. Heck, I don't think I warrant a second thought from any of them, to be perfectly honest, at least not in this context.

15. Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?I'm not ever going to be the man I want to be in a relationship, but I will always try. It's the best I can promise and hope for.

16. Have you dated people who were not good to you?If you ask around, you'll find that I have. But if you ask me, I'll say no. My opinion of the women I have dated is higher, on the whole, than the opinions of others in many cases. I do not understand this.

17. Have you dated someone older then you? younger?Age isn't as important as "place in life." As I've moved away from college and into the "real world," I've found that I seek out people with similar experiences to mine: "real jobs," "real worries," "real bills," but not so stuck in those things that they are jaded, fearful, or certain of their future. Age isn't important there, really. But there are certain things that are just "too different" for me to be comfortable. I can't handle the college rush with my current life, for instance.

Now I go for younger women, lived with several awhile.Though I ran 'em away, they'd come back one day,And I still could manage a smile:Sure takes a while, just takes a while.

18. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I believe that everyone deserves them (in context of the question), but I, personally, don't seek them. I was thinking about this last night, and it is my desire not to seek a second chance, but to play it all out the first time, that helps me through a lot of issues. Those who hang on second chances, either seeking them, denying them, or thinking about them wistfully, are trapped by them.

I think that what I don't get is the mentality of the "second chance." It implies the knowledge of but suspension of history, a willingness to take a person at who they are at the time, without emphasizing who they were before the "chance" started. Isn't that what we should do anyway?

Stick to your promises, stick to your guns, and be there when people need you, no matter how they might have treated you in the past.

Time to sing, time to dance,Living out my second chance.Cobras and sleeping bags are coiled and curled:That's the way it happensOn the Far Side of the World.

19. Believe in love at first sight?Absolutely. I've been there. There's a spot on my right arm that still burns when I think about a hand laid gently there, and that's a feeling that will never go away.

It was my first lookBaby thats all it took

20. Ever dated two people at once?No. I'm barely able to handle one relationship. Handling two at once? Right out.

Jesus, if I had to quit tonight,She'd kill me whether I was wrong or right.That's just what you get:You've got to go the distanceIf you want to fight a good fight

21. Do you want to get married?Tough question, and one I'm not equipped to answer, really. After reading an old journal entry recently, I have a feeling that I know the answer, though.

Well now I might have joined the Merchant MarineIf I hadn't learned how to sing.And on top of all that I got married too early:'Cost me much more than a ring

22. Do you have something to say to any of your exes?Generally, nothing I can't say to them in person. Often, I think about saying something, but it's not my place in those cases, and saying what I'd like to say would, generally, be more likely to be misinterpreted than helpful.

23. Ever stolen some one's boyfriend or girlfriend?No, and I don't plan on it. But I did try once.

24. Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?Yes. But then, who hasn't? It's natural enough, I think, to do that.

25. Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?No. Sure, there's a bit of a shock. But honestly, to be in love with someone enough to have your heart truly broken is also to be in love with them enough to know that they need to find happiness that you can't provide to them. And knowing that, you can find a deep, fulfilling happiness in the midst of heartbreak.

26. Are you looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend?I've got one at the moment, thanks.

===

Re: what I referenced in the title, I'm still writing weekly in "Leaves of the Willow" for the Grove. LJ feed at 3cg_blog. There will be an update tonight.Current Location:Southeast of DisorderCurrent Mood: busyCurrent Music: "No Woman, No Cry", -JB

Obama! Do it for me and the incredible, unparalleled feeling of hope and faith in the potential of people I now feel because of him. I have always voted because it was my duty, but I've never cared remotely like this. I'm going to volunteer. I'd put a sticker on my folder. And for me, that's wildly exreme.

Obama's got the circles of concentration going on. And I trust him way more than jaded Hillary. So there!

*attempts to influence Kirk with her eagerness, whether or not that has any impact on his decision*

to be in love with someone enough to have your heart truly broken is also to be in love with them enough to know that they need to find happiness that you can't provide to them. And knowing that, you can find a deep, fulfilling happiness in the midst of heartbreak.

I was just thinking this today!

Oh, it's been many years now... almost two decades... but I still think of that one who broke my heart so succinctly. And yeah, knowing he is happy fills my heart with something akin to joy. In the poly community, they call this feeling, "compersion."