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My guide to relationships with boys

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

So I decided yesterday to get back into my advice posts because I just love writing about things I've experienced or currently experiencing and others being able to connect. Makes me very happs. What I've decided on is different sections, so I have a few posts planned about relationships, then university, friendships and me in general and my anxieties. So stuff like that. I want to highlight again please feel free to message me if you ever feel you don't have anyone and hopefully I can be like a big sister/agony aunt to you with these posts x

OK so I'm 19 and I can honestly say the only ever time I have been extremely happy with a boy is with my current boyfriend right now and even that didn't work out for ages.

I have always felt very unlucky with boys, my friends would be able to chat to them, get their attention and because I had no confidence in myself I always shy away. I have actually always much preferred being on my own, but I think that is mainly because no one has ever made me feel like there was any other option. I'm sure a lot of you have felt like that. I have always been friends with confident girls and when you aren't the confident one of the group or the pretty one you feel pushed aside, boys don't pay attention to you and I was constantly told I was rude and up myself. Little did those boys know I actually struggled with liking myself and couldn't imagine anyone ever liking me. So to them I gave off the impression I just wasn't interested and loved myself.

MY TIP- If boys constantly say you're rude or stand offish, prove them wrong, smile at them, laugh with them. Don't let them think something of you that your not, because at the end of the day they are trying to chat you up and by insulting you without knowing anything about you they think that's the best way to converse. SO DO IT BACK TO THEM

I remember I first started becoming aware of boys around year 8, my friends constantly spoke about their crushes and would be mind blown I didn't fancy anyone. Because the fact is I really didn't. I didn't have an older sister or cousins who had boyfriends, I wasn't brought up around it so I honestly was not into boys which made my friends start questioning my sexuality and all that rubbish you get when you're younger.

However in year 9 I started to become very close to this particular boy. I have always struggled with accepting myself and bullies constantly tormented me, I never felt close with my family or even had a close set of friends. But this boy made me realise I did have someone. Now when I look back it was more of a friendship, we 'dated' for nearly a year but I called things off because I felt pressured. Pressured at 15 that I was still a virgin. Not pressured by this boy, he was a lot like me which is why we connected so well. But I ended up pushing the one person who helped me the most away because I was too scared to open up to him that I didn't want to have sex. We never even had that conversation. The pressures of people at school can be awful. I'm sure a lot of you will remember people commenting on others relationships or humiliating someone by saying oh that girl fancies you. Remember all that childish stuff? So from there I thought I really don't want a relationship I'm too young for all of this

So from the point of 15-17 I literally had no contact with boys. I never felt good enough for anyone and when you don't accept yourself a young boy is not going to understand why you don't and a lot of people do get frustrated when you say you hate the way you look. But god damn I wish people would understand you can't help the way you feel sometimes.

When I was 17 I met my 'second' boyfriend if you want to count the first as a boyfriend. This is a relationship that honestly destroyed me as a person and put me off boys completely. All I have ever wondered is why can't I have a relationship where I can be me and express myself, open up to someone. This boy honestly made me feel like a nobody. He hated my friends, he hated me texting my friends, he would comment on what I wore. He would make me swear that I wouldn't leave him. The pressures of someone being so dependent on you was way too much for me, as it would be for anyone. My parents really liked him and little did they know I used to cry every time I went to his house because I didn't want to be there. I didn't love the person who was trying to control every aspect of my life. I just kept thinking when the hell is it my turn to be with someone and actually be happy and not be controlled

I did manage to end that relationship and endured lovely messages of hate but I never felt so free. I spent my two years at sixth form just going out and having fun with my friends, not being controlled by anyone. I spoke to boys and some were dates but nothing ever came out of it. After my relationship I became very close with a boy I wouldn't even associate myself with now and wish I had never given him my time because no way did he ever deserve me.

TOP TIP- Girls don't chase after boys that give you nothing, realise you are so much better than that. I have wasted so many tears over boys growing up and its not worth it.

Finally I came to university and no way in hell did I plan on meeting anyone, I couldn't be bothered with the whole, you're so rude, are you a virgin. But I ended up falling for someone pretty hard. I think we all think we have been in love at some point in our lives but I actually get when people do. Because meeting this boy completely put everything into perspective. I mean it didn't work out at all at the start but he was so much like me, he shared the same values, he cared about his friends and he was ambitious. Traits I love someone to have. This is the one relationship that I can see long term, the others I could see and end because we didn't connect, I wasn't confident. With Tom I have never been more comfortable with someone in my life, never opened up to someone about everything and to have that I feel extremely lucky. But feel it has taken a lot of tears and sadness from boys over the years to finally be content

MY TIP- Don't waste your teenage years over boys who mess you around, you will honestly know when you meet someone that they are the person who is best for you