Bromances Examined

I loved reading this NY Times article about bromances - their beginnings and, often, their sad endings, when young men sometimes feel made to choose between their close friendships with other guys and, if they're straight, with having a girlfriend.

Here is how it begins:

"It is occasionally true that the spark that ignites one’s grand, all-consuming work is struck early in life — even by happenstance.

Niobe Way was a teenager when her younger brother Lucan had a terrible falling out with his best friend. John lived just across the street; the two boys were inseparable. One day her mother caught the boys cutting up a treasured childhood rag doll. She read both of them the riot act and then some. John slunk off.

Seven, eight times after, Lucan would knock on John’s door. But he would always be told that John was not home or did not want to see him. The boys’ rupture shook Lucan deeply. Even as a happily married adult, he does not like to talk about, as Dr. Way recounts, “the boy who broke his heart.”

Recently, Dr. Way, now 47 and a professor at New York University, where she is an expert in developmental adolescent psychology focusing on male friendships, reflected on her brother’s experience those many years ago: “That’s when I first saw the significance of friendships for boys, in both my brother’s love and his sense of loss.”

As a college student, I worked in preschools and kindergarten classrooms. I remember noting how close the boys were with each other. They shared secrets. They held hands. They even leaned up against one another at circle time. Sometimes they kissed one another on the cheek, just like the girls did with each other, too. Young children tend to be open-hearted and full of love for one another. I barely noticed these behaviors among the little girls. When I saw it among the little boys, I would feel a certain mixed sense of sweetness and sadness. I thought they were adorable, and their friendships were close. And yet, I felt like I could see into the future with a sense that in just the next few years, they would create more distance between themselves and their guy friends for no other reason than that American culture wouldn't consider it "manly" to behave like that. A few times I shared this with the teachers I worked with and they expressed similar thoughts and feelings.

Some researchers and psychologists are beginning to focus more on male friendships and I think the NYT article is a nice glimpse into that. Take a look and let me know what you think - I'd be interested in your thoughts on your own friendships.