Writer, dreamer, adventurer

Month: May 2017

One of my friends broke up with her boyfriend today. He has found someone else. (Which is the biggest misdirection of all times, he didn’t just find someone else like a £20 note left on the pavement. He was looking at other girls, talking to them, texting them, developing a relationship with them.) Her eyes welled with tears, as she told me; he didn’t want her anymore. My heart broke for her sadness. “She’s much prettier than me, big eyes, thinner…” As the words came out of her mouth my heart stopped breaking and turned into a snarling slobbering pit bull. NO! This is not your fault! Its not because your not thin, or pretty or anything. How dare he make you think its your fault! He has something lacking. There is a quality which he does not have. It is one of my favourite qualities, it’s very underrated, LOYALTY! This selfish man wouldn’t understand the quality of loyalty if you smacked him in the head with a dog. (Famed for being one of the most loyal animals on earth.) Don’t get me wrong people can fall in love, they can fall out of love, perhaps your just not right for each other. What I find frustrating is that fact that its not “I don’t think we are suited.” Its “I think I want to be in a relationship with this other girl who I’ve actually been in a relationship with for the last 6 months.” How RUDE! I treat my dentist with more loyalty then this man treated my friend. So here is what I want to say to you, if like my friend, you find yourself in this situation:

Do not let anyone make you feel like you’re not worth their loyalty. Expect and demand loyalty! Stand tall. You are strong, smart and beautiful. You have escaped a relationship which would only have ended in heartache. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, love and loyalty. Do not blame yourself for his unfaithfulness. It is not your fault! His finding someone else wasn’t an accident it was a active choice on his part. You do not need him to make you happy or to make you whole. The pain that you are feeling now will get better. It will get easier. Learn from this, it can help you grow, it can make you stronger. It is going to be ok. Chin up!

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Yesterday for the first time in my life I went snorkelling off the coast of South Africa. It was incredible, terrifying and utterly exhilarating!

Although I grew up in the English country side an hour away from the coast I have always had a fascination with the sea. I am drawn to it. To be by the ocean always gives me a feeling of inner calm. I sometimes think, rather fancifully, it is in my blood. Way up in my family tree are lines of ancestors would lived, worked and loved the sea.

Being short, with small hands and feet I am not the ideal shape for swimming. Whilst I am competent I do not pretend to be a strong swimmer. I have a very healthy fear of the ocean. I am under no illusions of the dangers of powerful rip and under currents, sets of large waves which can push you under or onto the rocks, jelly fish, sharks, and even dolphins. All of which can be found in abundance off the coast of South Africa.

Taking my courage in my hands though I asked my friend Charlie, a strong swimmer who has been diving since she was a child, if she would take me snorkelling. Since it was my first time Charlie wanted to wait for the perfect the conditions, it needed to be flat as possible, sunny, low tide, and clear water. After months of waiting, rather impatiently, we went. It was amazing. I can’t describe the freedom of being in the water, the gently rippling sea stretching out before you to the horizon. I LOVED it! The water was beautiful, underneath I could see the rocks, encrusted will all sorts of shell fish, barnacles and wonderful things I have never seen before and have no idea as to their names. With my fins on, in the deep water I felt like a mermaid. At one point Glade grabbed my leg and I had a mini heart attack thinking the local ragged nose shark had decided I was worth a taste. It’s surprisingly easy to hyperventilate through a snorkel! Once I calmed I carried on with my underwater exploration, I saw beautiful blood red and vivid purple things that looked like flowers and schools of fish darting about here and there. Its not just what you see, it’s the sense of peace, mingled in with utter excitement and a tingle of fear.

I think I have found my sport. For those who also love the sea – you have to try snorkelling it is awesome. For everyone else, challenge yourself! Try something new. Do something that excites you. It sounds silly but that one snorkelling session changed me. I felt braver, stronger.

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‘No poo’. It does not mean what you think it does. No poo is the term I use, (as do lots of people on the internet. I didn’t come up with the term. I am simply a user of the term), to explain to people that I no longer wash my hair with shampoo. (Its ok I do still wash my hair.)

Whilst trawling through Pinterest looking at dog shaming memes, and books I somehow came across a post about going ‘No Poo,’ intrigued, I am a woman with uncontrollable hair after all, I started reading. It didn’t take long for me to decide to give it ago…it has occurred to me that I might be easily influenced. On my first day, I told my sister about it, since she has always had hippy leanings she instantly said she would try it with me.

The idea of no poo is not to use shampoo or conditioner. Instead you mix Bicarbonate soda with water to make the shampoo and use lemon or vinegar as your conditioner. If your hair is dry or, like mine, slightly afro a little coconut or argon oil after will work wonders.

Results

Week 1 = Little greasy

Week 2 = Complete grease bucket – wear a hat!

Week 3 = Hair feels sticky

Week 4 = OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE IT!

Yes, I am pleased to report ‘No Poo’ is a success for my hair. I love it so much! I have had to try different things and I brought a new brush, a bristly one, but settling into my grove I have discovered, not only have a saved a fortune on shampoo and conditioner, (I was a herbal essences girl) but my hair looks happy and healthy! I can also tell you that my hair grew ALOT in a matter of months!

My father when he heard about our little hair experiment called my sister and I crackers, I’m pretty sure I heard some grumbled mutterings about “crazy women”. My mother when I told her immediately sniffed my hair….yes she SNIFFED my hair. No Mum it doesn’t smell. That’s mums for you. It took a long time to convince her that the bi-carb did actually clean my hair. She is now semi converted, she made her way to Lush, brought their chemical free shampoo and now makes everyone touch her soft hair. What can I say ‘no poo’ is infectious!

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For the title of my page I have written my name: Juniper Shaw along with three words. Writer, dreamer, adventurer. They describe me, not only the me that I am but the me that I want to be.

When I was a child I would read, there was hardly a time you would find me without a book in my hand or under my pillow or in my pocket, to carry a book with me was probably the only reason I ever carried a handbag. Some might call it an obsession but I prefer the word passion. I had a passion for the written word, I devoured it all, the far away places, adventures and noble characters. Having a vivid imagination books could bring me to places and emotions and worlds in a way that movies and TV never could. As I grew the passion for reading and stories naturally evolved to day dreaming, imagining my own stories and the trying to catch them with words.

As a teenager, you would find me in my classes scribbling stories and poems, day dreaming of the day I would become a world famous writer. Then as adulthood loomed, reality reared its ugly head and sneezed disgusting goop all over my rosy fantasy’s.

But reality can not change who you are inside. So those moments, the ones were I wasn’t working or doing all those annoying things adults have to do, I would day dream my stories and I would write. I came to realise it’s all about baby steps. Just keep moving forward. It has taken time, more time than I want to think about. It has taken energy, frustration, terror and tears, but, I did it. The thing that in my heart of hearts I never thought I would accomplish. I wrote and published a short story.

Today, Thursday 11th May 2017, is the launch of my very first Short story. Fat Girl Hiking.

YAY! WOOOHOOO! YIPIEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

I know I am not world famous, and its not a full sized novel which will change the world. But its mine, I wrote it and this is just the beginning.

What is my story about about I hear you ask?

‘I might have the neurosis of a writer, the body of a Buddha and the fitness of an asthmatic elephant but I have the soul of an adventurer.’

When 24 year old, English girl Piper agrees to go on a 6-day mountain hike in the middle of summer in South Africa she forgets to take one thing into consideration: she’s fat. Fat and unfit. Join her journey as you read this brutally honest account of the ups, downs, and hilarity of being a fat girl hiking.

It is available on Amazon and the kindle store for only £0.99

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Spiders, whilst I have never been a fan of spiders, I have never been a girl that screams at the sight of a spider. However I feel like I am developing a fear of them and it is completely and utterly their own fault. As a child neither my mother or my sister were afraid of spiders, they would routinely pick them up and throw them out of the window. (Looking back that seems a little heartless but better than flushing them down the toilet right?) My mother often told me there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to spiders.

However mum, I have come to the conclusion that spiders enjoy being sneaky. Whilst staying in south Africa I have discovered rain spiders; these range from the size of a large English house spider to the size of your hand, with large black bodies and thick bristly legs. Recently, I was just standing, minding my own business, enjoying the view when I hear my husband literally shrieking at me “Juniper,JUNIPER,JUNIPER!” I screamed, instantly on alert, my blood pressure raised, my adrenalin pumped, by the fear in his voice. I did a rushing, screaming, hop skip and jump until I was standing next to him. I promptly smacked him on the arm for terrifying me witless. “Look up” There was a spider sitting on the ceiling right above where my head had been second ago. It just sat there. I could swear it was laughing maniacally at me. I shuddered. The thought of that big spider dropping onto my head and creeping around in my hair made my skin prickle and crawl. This has happened to me 4 times in 3 months. 4 times! That is way too many times! I have many spider stories, ones were the spider comes running towards me causing panic and chaos. Ones were they are on my clothes, my towel, my cushion, in the shower and even were I woke to find mr.spider on my pillow – I think I cried at that one. Suffice to say, I am getting suspicious. Are the spiders organised? What are they planning the sneaky little blighters?

So now here I am, distrustful and extremely paranoid. Does anyone else think the rise of the spiders is a possibility in the future?

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So I missed a couple of days, I’m not sure if that’s allowed? Am I supposed to blog everyday? I think perhaps I am, in which case I offer you my apologies. Anyhoos, I am here now with a few words to (hopefully) make you smile.

My husband and myself are both “late” people, to clarify we are always late to everything. I can hear your sigh of disappointment. It’s not something we are proud of, it’s something we are working very hard to rectify. If I am honest though, we always seem to have a good reason, we are the kind of people that things happen to. I swear I am not making this up, one time my husband was playing golf, the ball flew into a tree (his aim leaves something to be desired) and hit a pigeon so perfectly in the head it broke its neck and killed it…when does that ever happen to anyone?? That is not normal. I have a 100 stories like this…well most of them don’t contain dead pigeon’s but still!

So the other day, we where going with a group to meet a friend at the airport. They told us we had to be there at 5. That’s great, no worries, we knew what time we had to leave, we had a plan, and then as always we began to run late. We cannot be late to the airport! We drove like a bat out of hell, desperate, I mean desperately desperate, to get there on time. We arrived, after literally running from the car park, at 5 on the dot! The plane didn’t land until 5:30, our friends had told us 30 minutes early because they knew we where always late. I believe your smiling right now for 1 of 2 reasons; either you are person A who does exactly the same thing to their late friends or you are person B the late-ee and your friends do this to you. Whilst I was grateful, we did after all get there in time, it was also slightly lowering to realize my “late” was a recognized and preempted fact. I think we might need to work a little harder on our “late issues”. For all you other “laters” out there, I know how you feel, the struggle is real! But we can do this, we will harness the power of punctuality!

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We have all been there, those horrendous moments where your whole body is overheating, like an overfed steam train, from acute embarrassment. The kind of embarrassment that makes you think about it years later and slap your forehead and claw your cheeks because the memory is just so…excruciating. Having had many such moments, I am completely familiar with the above feelings. Why is it though, the second someone else experiences acute embarrassment, we just cannot stop those snorting slightly horrified, laughing, gasps from escaping? Perhaps it’s just relief that, for once, it’s not me!

Not too long ago my husband and I went away, we had agreed to meet up with friends who were also staying in the area, we had agreed to have dinner in the restaurant attached to the hotel. I sent a text to let them know we were just parking. Below was the subsequent conversation:

Me – “Hi, (Name) we are just parking now.”

Him – “Ok, give me sex.”

Me – about 3 laughing crying faces

Him – “sex” and then “I mean sex” and then “no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I meant give me a sec” about 2 seconds later “oh bog!”

A few minutes later we met in the restaurant I have never seen anyone with such a red face, I mean fire engine red! It was impossible to hold back the great, gulping, laughter that bubbled up inside. Fortunately, although I am sure he felt that ground-swallow-me-up-forever kind of embarrassment, he saw the funny side and laughed along with us.

Whenever my awkward, embarrassing moments pop into my head, I try to remind myself that somewhere, someone is probably telling that story and laughing themselves stupid about it.

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So here’s the thing, its all very well to say “write a blog” but in reality what subject would anyone want to hear about repeatedly day after day, at some point your going to get bored and I really, really, really don’t want that to happen. Lets be honest we have all started to read blogs and switch off after like 2 seconds due to the authors supreme interest in his own opinion.

Your time is precious I get that, so I have to write something that will keep you interested. *Pulls thinking face, involves sticking out tongue*

My brain has come up with a plan, it is a simple plan, perhaps that’s all my brain can manage? (Store that thought for later cogitation.) I am just going to write any interesting things that happen. Funny things, stupid things, interesting thoughts or quotes and we will see where this thing takes us. I can’t promise you professionalism, Shakespeare or profound inspiration, my aim pure and simple: to make you smile.