Others will complain that this work was culled from other forums, without the permission of some folks who are mentioned in it.

Others will complain about if, for some other reason.

Fine.

I did not create this. (It was done by one of the folks who tried to make DIYHiFi.org work. It was an attempt, by that person, to help grow the forum. Like everything else we tried, it really didn't work.) Discounting all of that, it might make for good reading. Even if you don't believe any of it, you may find it sparks your imagination. That alone makes it worth the download.

This is something that I wrote, when some schmuck had the audacity to ask why there are no schematics on my site. It was probably one of my buddies, trying to make me go bonkers. Guess they struck oil!

But, even though it was probably nothing more than a stunt, it still merits a place here.

Mainly to remind you guys there are no schematics!

******************************************

I can't believe that one of you had the chutzpah to ask me that. It is probably one of the gang, pulling my chain, just to see if I get wound up and go off. For their own amusement. (And now, yours!)I'm fixin' to..........are you happy now?

Look, do I really have to 'splain this:

There are no friggin' schematics. There never will be any friggin' schematics. Mainly becasue I have no friggin' schematics. Of anything. Ever. Period.There are no schematics, anywhere, of anything, that I ever designed. Ever. And I am not about to start now.

"But if there are no schematics, then how do you ever build anything?"

That is actually a fair question. I either have to remember what I did, and how I did it, or............Design it from scratch every time out.Those of you who are more perceptive than the average schmuck can easily conclude that this is a large reason of why it takes me so damn long to do anything.Yep, if I would only get off my butt, and/or high horse, and get with the program and make some drawings of something for the first time in my life, then maybe something would get done a helluva lot sooner.

No, because there is that other matter of money. And that is something that I will never have. So, deal with it.

Do I have to put up the picture of Cartman going "Forget you guys..............." again?Don't make me, because I will!

Something that was created, almost 15 years ago, grown out of my observations on the high-end industry.

*********************************************

The Three Rules of Audio

Rule number 1:

"If it sounds different, it HAS to be better. Especially if you paid money for it."

Rule number 2:

"The stupider* it looks, the crappier it sounds."

Applies mainly to speakers, but have you ever seen/heard the NRG preamp?

(* Yeah, I know......it should be "more stupid", but that ruins the joke. Just pretend you are listening to Dick Shahinian speak.)

Rule number 3:"All audiophiles are geeks without a sex life."

"Does that include you dorks?"

Shut up, pink boy.

And thanks to that "fizzed-bombed" maniac, Russell, we now have a fourth rule of audio.

Rule number 4:

"The more it's hyped, the more it sucks."

Just like Budweiser.

Apologies to...........

Ken Baran: "It's good enough for me, I can't tell the difference."Jim Lofe: "I don't care what all the beer snobs say, I just like the way it tastes."Ken Macha: "It's the nectar of the gods, Bruiser. That stuff you drink gives me a headache."

Must be a Pitt Engineer thing.

We now have fifth rule of audio.Thanks to Thorsten from the UK.

Rule Number 5:

"If it is well designed, it can't sound good; because someone actually applied thought to the product."

(Translation: Stop thinking about it and sell the damn thing! The idea is to make money, not impress the rest of the gang with your resourcefulness.)

While these aren't rules that apply specifically to audio, we present them here for your edification.

Zappa's Law:

"There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity."

Toolsie's Transit Theorem:

"The olfactory properties of a substance cannot improve in transit."

(Translation: If you think the stuff you feed your cat smells like shit when (s)he eats it, imagine how bad it is going to stink when (s)he poots it out the far end.)

Myer's Law:

"It is hard to make a system idiot-proof because idiots are so ingenious."

It may not qualify as an official rule either, but here's what a well known audio designer had to say (via private conversation) about selling audio stuff in the USA:

"Yep, if you want to sell equipment in the US, it's got to be built in a cheap box and cost under $1000. That's why the computer is the ideal product for America: it's cheap, comes in a shoddy cabinet, you can take it apart and screw with it to your heart's content. You won't have to worry about voiding the warranty because it will be obsolete in 3 months anyway and will break shortly afterward even if you don't mess with it. No matter what you do to it, it won't work worth a crap anyway and requires constant attention. Ideal product for audiophiles. Yep, audiophiles love to take their system apart. They always think they know more than we do. We only designed it, what do we know? Yep, let them all buy computers. Then they can put $2500 power cords on them and see how much better they work. And magic bricks on top of their monitors. Yep, audiophiles are pretty silly."

The main reason for including this one is to see how many folks will find this post, while Googling "blowtorch". I contend that DIYers will suck up anything that says "blowtorch", in a futile attempt to find a schematic for the legendary, over-priced mythical pre-amp.

Too bad there are no schematics. Never will be any schematics. But, won't stop the Google hits! So, let's all sit back, and watch how many folks get sucked in. (Which, will prove a point I tried to make. To someone who is incredibly stubborn.)

Boy, are the guys who want schematics going to be mad that I fooled them. Again!

At my fave forum: the "Let's kick the crap out of John Curl" thread. Typical, eh?

"So, what is this all about, and why does it have you so stirred up?"

I'm not really stirred up over it. I just find it hard to believe that a thread (that was set up by forum hierarchy), obstensibly so that JC could pass on his knowledge has turned into nothing more than the usual gang (or so) taking the chance to kick him in the teeth at every turn. Mind you, it wasn't his idea to start this thread: it was the forum's. But, the good-natured old fart that he is, he went along with it.

Boy, what a mistake.

Have any of you tried to follow that thread? How much, or how often, does he get to say something useful before someone tries to knock him down a few pegs?

And for what? What the hell did he ever do to you guys to merit this sort of crap?

Ok, he is brusk, and maybe not the most gregarious person around. So what? (I'm not either, so there!) Big deal. You either want to learn what he is willing to teach, or you should just shut the 'eff up.

But, no.............it seems that all a certain crowd wants to do is attack him, and in my biased esteem, for no good reason other than to attack him.

Maybe it is like that concept from Joe's Garage, where we find a way to make everyone a criminal. That way, we have everyone, from the President on down to the drunken bum in the street, on the same level. At least in terms of the law. Universal criminality.

Except that we have "universal ignorance" substituted, instead.

Mind you, I use the term "ignorance", as opposed to stupidity. Ignorance implies "Well, you just don't know what the 'eff you are talking about, but if you just shut the 'eff up and listen (and are willing to listen), that you just might learn something."

Actually, "stupidity" works in some cases. Some folks don't care to listen, others think that they don't need to listen, and still others are smart enough to know better while acting like they are not.

So, for those of you who don't have the time or desire to wade through all of the merda, here is a summation, presented for your reading enjoyment. Paraphrased, of course.

And my snide take on things. Which, let's face it.............that is the real reason that you are here!

Enjoy!

"Well, since you say that we can't get the parts to build this, then what is the point of this thread? Why are you wasting our time?"

Ever hear the saying "If you give a man a fish, he will eat for one day. Teach him to fish, and he will eat forever." Or something like that. He is trying to teach you how to fish.

Except that some of you want the Seafood Catch of the Day caught for you.

"Well, how are we supposed to learn anything if you won't provide schematics? If we can't build it, then why won't you give it to us?"

Just because you can't, doesn't mean that he can't. C'mon, how do you expect him to eat?

Some of you want the Seafood Catch of the Day turned into the Seafood Platter of the Day.

"Well, all we have to go on is your word. We have no proof. We demand proof! Specs, distortion figures, simulations...........etc., blah, blah."

Maybe if you shut up, get off of your butt, and try some of his ideas, you might learn something. Mainly that all the measurements in the world mean nothing about how it will sound. (Measurements are merely a design tool, something that guys like him use to evaluate the design process. The end result is always how it sounds. Measurements can not, and will not, ever do that.)

Some of you not only want the Seafood Platter of the Day, but you want someone to shovel the food into your mouth. What are you going to ask for next: have us chew it for you before we shovel it into your mouth??

"All this thread has become is just you pounding your chest."

What is that old Buddy Rich saying? "It ain't bragging if you got it.!" He got it, and you don't. So there.

"All this thread has become is name-dropping."

Sorry that some of you have no sense of how the high-end audio industry came about. And don't care. Go read one of the "how does this cap sound?" threads, instead.

Unless, of course, you think that all caps sound alike. In which case.............why are you wasting time with DIY audio? Go buy an iPod.

There are more examples of ignorance from the Peanut Gallery, but why go on? You get the idea.............

Then we have the usual suspects, who see fit to poop on every thread possible, in every forum possible, and talk about the one and only thing that they know anything about. Too bad that they don't know as much about that one thing as they like to think that they do.

Too bad the moderators don't do their job, and save us all from having to read that swill.

Add to that some pompous ass from industry, who has never (to my knowledge) built a commercial amp. He does not believe in a damn thing that The Devil does, and takes every opportunity to remind us of that. This guy has made a career out of reminding us of that. Over, and over, and over again.

Hey, pay, give it a friggin' rest, will ya'. You have plenty of threads already dedicated to your brilliance, so stay over there and shut the 'eff up. I'm sorry that someone outside of Bell Labs came up with the concepts of TIM, SID, PIM, and all the other stuff that you claim that you don't believe in (but will measure for a price!), but that's tough.

And just because that you say that you have test sets that will measure it, we only have your word that it really measures what you say that it will. You don't believe in any of this, so why should we take you at your word that your gear actually does work the way that you say that it will? And that the results are valid? We don't. And in light of your almost 30-year long campaign to prove otherwise (founded it seems in petty personal attacks), I'm sure that the reasonable guy that you are that you can understand why some of us just might be a tad skeptical. In any case, just shut up.

Now we come to the part that I really don't get.............

Some guy, don't know who he is, don't know what he is, and I barely know where he is.............comes up with a series of simulations that are.............I dunno.............designed to make The Devil's concepts more accessible to the average schmuck.............and guess what...............they give him the same treatment!!!!

HUH?? WHAT??

C'mon, the guy takes up his time, and goes to the effort of trying to put some of The Devil's concepts in a form that you learn from, and you savage him??? You nitpick everything from the models that he uses to actual circuits that he is trying to explain.

Yeah, I think that a lot of you people actually want us to chew that Seafood Platter of the Day for you. Except that I think that we should barf it up at you, and let you lick it up yourself. Because reading that thread really does make me want to barf.

"Dogs..........Pigs.........and Sheep. 'Animals', by Pink Floyd. The evidence is all around you."

Update: Aug. 29, 2008

Well, there seems to be an ongoing food fight about some guy who made some preamp that supposedly looks a lot like what people think the Blowtorch really is. Well, I dunno. It is possible that he gleaned enough info from that thread to come up with something that many of us think the BT really is. Maybe. What irks many of us is that he did not give credit where credit is due.

Well, different cultures have different ideas on that. In any case, I am going to let all of you decide what to think. I do know John Curl, and while I think that I may have exchanged e-mail with the "other guy" a few times, I can honestly say that I do not know him. And that I know very little about him.

Having said all of that, I have decided to provide a link to his site. Not because I want to flame the fires of discontent (I wouldn't do that, would I?), but to highlight some really funny stuff there.

Get this:

He used to be Mod at The Pub. But it seems that he did not get along with the rest of the Mods, so they booted him! Plus, he claims that his profile was never changed to "Banned". Instead, they just made an announcement, claiming how dangerous he is and why he had to go.

Does this sound familiar to any of you?? Gee, I dunno.............why would it (he asks between clenched teeth) sound familiar?

Well, think what you may about him. But I can relate to some of his experiences.

Actually, the best part of his diatribe is in the "P.S." section. Yeah, ironic, isn't it? Seems that no matter which way you turn, folks who don't like John Curl can find ways to belittle his stance. So, while I may take exception to some things that he has said or done, he has managed to strike a nerve with that one.

As John would say (and in fact, did): Level 3!

Yeah, go ahead and call me a bitter old fart unemployed engineer (I am, so it is not slander!), but all of you operate a lot closer to Level 3 than you care to admit.

Edit: I just noticed this silly forum s/w inserts "smilies" where I don't want them. Which is anywhere. So, text modified to get rid of them.

And I did find a typo. Maybe I should hire a proofreader. Not that anyone would take the job. At any price.

A follow up to my previous rant. The person(s) depicted in this little tale are real. Please forgive the innocent for associating with a nut like me.

But at least they aren't as hopeless as this guy...................

****************************************

I talked to a buddy's wife earlier today. (Yeah, I know........that surprises a lot of you that not only do I have "normal" friends, but that their wife would be brave enough to talk to me. Well, stranger things have be known to happen. But he is my only "normal" friend, if that is any consolation.)

Anyway.....they have a daughter in college. They went to visit her a while ago. When they got to her apartment, her roommates and some of their friends (guys and gals) were sitting around, doing whatever. A few more were in other places.

But not their daughter's boyfriend. Nope, not the world's biggest nerd.

Now..........you need some background. Since they are "normal" people, they are not used to dealing with nerds. In fact, I may be the only one that they ever have to deal with. So, they are at a loss as to how to deal with us nerds. They aren't real keen on this guy, because............well........he is a total nerd. I reassured them that mating accidents aren't likely to happen, so they aren't as nervous as they were. But they still don't know what to make of him.

OK........back to the story........

My buddy's wife goes to her daughter's bedroom, and there is "The Nerd".

All by himself.

At a computer.

Playing a stupid video game.

"Hi, what are you doing?""Playing a video game."Ask a nerd an obvious question..........you get the obvious answer.

I guess that I have to give them another lesson in "How to Talk to a Nerd. Lesson #8: The Complete Loser."

This could be sub-tiltled "Why I quit the audio business". Written a few year back, when I was sorta still in the audio business. Some of you will point out that I never really was in the audio business, just others of you thought that I was.

Or better yet, "What the 'eff was I thinking when I caved in and started selling PCBs to you damn DIYers."

Or "Yet one more reason not to quit your day job and start an audio company."

This gets "Googled" all the time, so it has to be elevated to the level of a classic.

**************************************

I get tons of mail most every day. It seems to be split, almost equally into 3 categories.

1.) Inquiries about my products. Usually from guys that I have nothing in common with.2.) DIYers asking which op-amp, cap, o/s filter, etc., to use..........how this circuit works........."if you had to make one of these, how would you do it?".......that sort of stuff.3.) Discussing "bidnis" Anything from "Do you have any.....blah, blah.....Digi-key is out of stock and I need some now" to "Have you seen this new .....blah, blah.......from....blah, blah, blah...........it looks like it might be good for......more blah and blah....." to "I'm thinking of starting my own audio company, and I know you will say not to but........blah, blah and yet more blah".

OK, this is the last one I want to talk about. And how it relates to topic #1.

This is for all you technical types. Not necessarily for the DIYers who want to start a "bidnis", but you may want to read it anyway.

Do you know what the hardest obstacle guys like us have to deal with?

No, not the magazines that only review $60K turntables, and the same ol' gold-plated turd products from the same ol' con artists that spend tons of money on advertising.........

Not PITA companies like Toshiba who decide, "Hey, why the hell are we still making these damn parts? Stop now." Yep, they make life tough.

Not all the other obvious problems..........market in decline, aging demographics, CE stickers, RoHS crap, etc........

Nope. The biggest problem is the guys who are buying our stuff are NOTHING like us.

Most of the inquiries always have some nonsense like "My music is very important to me. I have to connect with it emotionally. If I can not connect with it, I am not fulfilled. I feel hollow and naked, and my present system just does not have the magic that I thought it once had" in the first few sentences.

Give........me........a.......friggin'...........break, will ya'?

You know why guys like us build our own stereo system?

Because we can.

Yeah, it has to sound good. That is why we love to futz with it. But first and foremost, we build. Then we futz. If there is time left, we listen. We listen because we can take pride in what we have done. Knowing that we can do just as good (if not better!) than the Big Boys and all their stinking marketing weenies and cost accountants that strip the performance out so much commercial gear.

Not because "we connect with it". Hell, if we want to "connect", we play paintball, join some asinine drum circle, fly RC model planes powered by rubber bands, or any number of other equally pointless waste of time activities that shut our brains down.

(Me? I watch South Park, and root for Cartman when he yells "Screw you, hippies!" or "I hate hippies. They smell bad and have no money. Gawd, I hate 'em." I know.....some of you are going "Hey, you live in Texas. Jimbo has to be your favorite." Nope, haven't had to shoot anything since I was booted out of the Army. Some of you should be thankful for that............)

I don't know about you guys, but when I build something, I want something that I can listen to for hours on end. Something that I can listen to without wanting to get a rifle and shoot all the hippies afterwards. That is first. Next is performance. Yeah, we are nerds, we listen to see how good we can recreate bad recordings. But any of us ever talk about how it effects our emotions? How it has "magic"?

HELL NO! We are nerds, not dorks. But that is where the problem is.

We think that because we can design and build some kick-ass gear that we can sell it.

Yeah, we can.......if our customers thought the way we did.

Oh, but wait..........the guys who think like us are building their own, and have the same idea to sell it as we do.

So that leaves us with guys who can't build their own, and think like...........uh..........like.......uh........well, after 25+ years of dealing with them, I still don't know what the hell they think. Not sure they do either.

The bottom line is that we think one way, and the target consumer thinks something totally different. If you think that just because your gear sounds good to you and all your buddies, that it will sell, well, guess what.

Surprise! What sounds good to them isn't always the same thing. Trying to sell stuff based just on what you think is going to be tough. You are going to need someone working with you that can relate to your customers.

This is the big reason that solo engineer, or small group of engineers, companies don't make it in the high-end world.

I know......some of you are going: "Jocko, the reason that companies like yours or Phred's struggle is because you are........uh.........uh.......are challenged, in a personality sense."

Well, duh................duh! That has nothing to do with it. Some of the most successful companies around have people that are as despicable as can be imagined. Yet, they succeed because, as despicable as they are, they are not technical. And as such, can play into what audiophiles want.

Well, getting close to bean time, but one more thing to add:

Audiophiles are very insecure. They don't buy stuff that necessarily sounds good, but sounds like it should sound good. They need reviews, not to tell them if something is really good or not. They read them so that they know when they listen to it, what it is supposed to sound like. If the reviewer says it says it sounds this way or that, then, dammit! that is what they will hear. Even if it doesn't.

Yeah, Emperor's Clothes Syndrome.

Don't believe me??? Just go read the forums these guys hang out in. Tripping over each other to pat each other on the back with all of their cronies that are in their camp, and flaming the guys who think something else. Coming up with silly concepts like "PRAT" to describe something. (All of you back in the UK, gloss over that last part. At least for now.)

Yeah, I know......we do similar stuff. Arguing '5534 vs OPA627 vs AD whatever the hell it is makes the best I/V..............24-bit o/s vs the non-o/s crowd. The DIYers proclaiming their latest step backwards is an improvement and us engineer types telling then to get their heads out of their..................

Here is the one that started it all. Sorta. My take on audio forums, and some of the morons that frequent them.

Ok, mind you, this does not apply to all of you. Obviously. Actually, it only applies to a rather small minority of schmucks on these forums. Most of you guys are decent chaps, trying to learn stuff, expand your understanding of stuff, and make some decent sounding gear in the process.

All it takes is for a few pinheads to get me wound up. And, boy...........do they ever do it.

So, for all of you DIY pinheads out there, and you know precisely who you are, so don't feign ignorance, this one is for you.

***************************************

Engineers vs. "DIYers"

Some......not all.....but some of you guys seem to have a grudge against engineers.

What's your problem? One would think that it would be helpful to have people who do this audio stuff for a living, but no............

The was no place like this when we started out; 25, 30, 40 years ago. I know that I wish that there was. Most of the people here that I have met are grateful, but there is an annoying core of people who seem that their day isn't made unless they find a way to put us down. For some of the most idiotic reasons.

Here's a synopsis of some of the crap that I have gleaned here in recent times.

(Don't ask me to dredge up the threads where this gibberish came from. It is there......look for it yourself.)

You guys never build anything.

You never build anything unless a buck is attached to it.

You never listen to what you build.

Everything that you build all sounds alike.

You can't explain why stuff sounds different.

You don't think about what you build, presumably because we are not professors.

Your posts are too much theory and simulation.

You need to simulate stuff before you rant about it.

You need to be more specific in your explanations.

You explanations are too hard to understand.

Your explanations are wrong.

You don't understand simple circuits.

You can't be capable of working in the electronics field.

You spend too much time reading data sheets.

You don't read them in enough depth.

You worry too much about worst case scenarios.

You have no grasp of what goes on in the real world, just the theoretical one.

You won't listen to theoretical ideas put forth by people who don't have your background.

You have no imagination and creativity, because it was beaten out of you by industry.

Your PCB layouts are too strange.

You have never designed a PCB.

You are spoiled because you work at big companies and get all sorts of free samples.

You work for small outfits, and can do weird stuff because there is no one there to keep you under control.

You don't do any DIY stuff, just commercial.

You are only here to flaunt your experience.

You only seem interested in money.

You complain that others sell stuff.

You don't share anything.

You don't share "your good stuff".

When we do, we are accused of being "know-it-alls", and stifling your learning. Or discussion. Or both.

Or you take our work, and disregard our wishes as to its use.

Maybe this belongs in the "more engineering humor" thread. Except some of us don't find this stuff humorous any longer.

Please use the same name, that you use on the other forums. If you are sick of the one(s) you have used, just let us know, when you register.

Unless...............

You are from industry:

You can not use your company name, product name, or acronyms of such. We already know who you are, so just use a version of your name. Or make up a silly moniker, that amuses you.

I am tired of hearing about how we ever did was promote our buddies in industry. Sticking up for our buddies, when the peanut gallery, is lobbing stones at them, is not the same as "promoting" them. So, to prevent that crap, we do not want any mention of specific commercial interests.

This will be divided into 2 parts: one for industry folk, one for the hobbyists.

Industry folk: You are welcome here, and are encouraged to participate. However, you may not promote your company, its products, or your services.

No one expects you to divulge proprietary information. In that vein, we are not interested in the details of stuff that you have designed. Any technical details you may wish to provide should not directly mention any product. Please keep any contribution to generic and/or non-specific design topics.

Just as we will not allow the "peanut gallery" to lob stones at you, you are expected to answer legitimate questions in an honest manner. If you care not to discuss a topic, then all you have to do is to decline. You will not be allowed to "Bybee" someone, by flinging techno-pooh, just to throw the hobbyists off-course. (This implies that Phred will not be a member here, as he routinely generates disinformation, on purpose.) People who "phred" the members won't be tolerated, either. Just say "That isn't anything I care to discuss/divulge/whatever." And leave it at that.

To summarize, no flogging your wares. No BS-ing the hobbyists.

Hobbyists (DIYers): You are first and foremost expected to respect industry members. No one made them join. They join of their own volition. They are not here to be sniped at, ridiculed, or told "You should have done such-and-such, blah blah, blah", or anything of that ilk. If you have a jealous streak, or want to bring them down to your level, you are going to get booted. Period.

We are not going to tolerate reverse-engineering. There are other forums for that.

Cross-posting, on all the other forums, will get you booted. You should only come here to get stuff that you won't get or find on other forums.

I am going to assume that everyone here belongs, or has belonged, to one or more "DIY" forums. Our attempts to make something different, have not worked as well as we have all liked. So, as a last resort, we are making a last resort. There will be no attempt to grow the membership. If folks join, they join. If not, less work for me.

(Let's face it: I always get to do all the work, so there is a strong incentive to limit my work load. No members will mean no work, and I may very well be comfortable with that.)

I will probably think of more guidelines, but until someone actually joins, this will do. We will cross any problems, as they arise.

Have no respect for folks who work in the high-end industry, you can not join.

If you come here to see how long it takes to get under my skin, you can't join.

If you want Blowtorch schematics, you can join, but you won't get any! (Because there aren't any.)*

If you are here to reverse-engineer stuff, you can't join.

If you are here to peddle stuff, without making useful content contributions, you can't join.

If all you want to do is post cartoons, you can't join.

If you want us to design your senior design project, you can't join.

If you are trolling for design help/ideas, especially if we think you are in the business of selling stuff, you can not join.

If you have a habit of copying other peoples' work, (and try to pawn it off as original work!), you can not join.

if you sell counterfeit parts, you obviously can not join.

If you think you are smarter than everyone else, and want to flog that, why would you want to join?

If you are smarter than everyone else, but have a sense of humility, you may join. If you can lower yourself to our level.

Finally............

If you have annoyed me in the past, on other forums, yeah, you can't join. (Did you really need to ask?)

If you want to discuss audio stuff, without the usual op-amp and/or cap swapping, and/or geeky-tweaky nonsense, you can join.

If you need to be educated about the basics of electronics, you may want to read The Art of Electronics, or something similar, first. Then, and only then, you can join. (Nothing personal, but it gets mundane, for some of us, to explain the simple concepts, over and over. We know that everyone is not going to as experienced as the most senior members. No one expects you to be. Just don't expect us to be the sole source of your education.)

If you have a sense of humor, and can tolerate some "give and take", you can join.

Jocko

* = The only reason "blowtorch is mentioned is to see how many people get sucked in, by Googling that term. (Call it "proving a point", to some stubborn guy. Help me prove my point!)