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Monday, May 11, 2009

Consumed

In the past weeks, I have, for once, allowed life to entirely consume me. I have eagerly fallen into the grasp of a real existence. Somehow, I even managed to break myself of the terrible habit of saying, at every twist and turn, "Once I get through this things will be better." I realized, at the magical age of 28, that saying that constantly meant that I was constantly wishing my life away.

I would rather revel in my life.

And somehow, I have.

I have reveled in a weekend visit from WG's mom. She's a wonderfully wacky woman, and I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law. She loves her son, and she loves me not just for loving her son but also for being myself. That is an amazing gift.

I have settled into a cozy seat near a window overlooking the ocean and listened to the voices of my friends and family around me at my bridal shower. The very fact that I have had a bridal shower astonishes me. But I did. A beautiful tea party shower with quirky games and the melding of women from all of my different worlds -- childhood, college, work and even a childhood friend of WG's who has become a friend of mine.

In the weeks since I have discovered what joy my own life brings me, I have also celebrated my dad's birthday just the way he wanted - with the best BBQ ribs you can imagine and watching the movie of HIS choice.

WG and I went with that childhood friend and her boyfriend to tour Santa Cruz, and, well, fun was had by all. I could have stayed on the dock listening the barking of the sea lions for hours, but, alas, we had to head on to the eating of French pastry and the drinking of organic beer.

And then, we come to this weekend.

I saw myself in my own wedding dress for the first time, and it all seemed so blessedly real. I stood on a pedestal, looking in a mirror, and looked, impossibly, like myself. I stood in this gorgeous gown and felt entirely at ease.

Sunday brought Mother's Day, and a meal with my parents at my house. WG grilled trout and zucchini, and we settled in to just spend time together (the real point of Mother's and Father's Day, if you ask me). The other mothers in our lives were called and loved on...

and we convinced my mom that seeing Star Trek on Mother's Day was a perfect end to a sunny May day. She trudged along beside us but found herself laughing out loud at Scotty's antics and admitted, quite willingly, that she'd enjoyed the movie.

Today, we met with our DJ and announced our first song to me. That song is in writing now. That song will go down in scrapbooks and memories, and it's ours for our day for our marriage.