You know sometimes that term totally blows. Especially when you find someone you can hang out with and talk to for hours. That's where I'm at with my bachelor. We did go fishing and it was great. I think we can be good friends...just a little bummed because I had hoped for more.

So as of my last post there was a cute single Dad and I wanted to get his number. Well call him #1. There is also another single Dad who is not too bad and he's #2. So I went out to work and sat by #1. I tried to be friendly and talk to him but it was busy and the we were all working. I got as far as the mention of roommate then I backed off because roommate can mean a lot of things. So I might broach that at a later date. We'll see. Bachelor #2 on the other hand.... Well we kind of seemed to hit it off. So after I worked my other job I went back there and he was still there working on *my* house btw :). So I asked him if he wanted to see a movie with me. He agreed. We don't have a specific date set but we ended up talking for a couple of hours and so far he's a really cool guy. The funny part is he's local but I never really knew him *but* he used to have a crush on my sister in HS LOL. Hopefully he can tell my sister and I aren't all that alike.

Okay so one of the cool things about building houses is there are single men involved. There is one guy in particular that is very cute. He's not from my group but the next one. He came out this weekend and worked eventhough he's not in our group. I find that totally hot. I've kind of had my eye on him for a few weeks and this weekend sealed it. I'm going to make a move. I was doing a little flirting out at the site today. We were both hot, tired, dirty and sweaty though so it probably didn't come across real well. Maybe I'll ask for his number next time I see him. I mean the worse he can say is "no". I dunno though I've got a good feeling about this guy. Wish me luck!

Okay so I guess the most nuts things I've done was...Okay and keep in mind I lived in a very small town.... I went down to the park by the river...got nakey in broad daylight and proceeded to attempt to skinny dip. The water was way cold and we could have totally been caught. It was momentary insanity really. So thought I'd poll all the bloggers. I'm sure mine was pretty mild compared to some ;)

I worked on the house site for 10 hours yesterday. By the time I was done I was exhaused and sunburnt but totally stoked. It's just so cool that I'm helping with something that will last a long time. I mean houses stand for 100 years easily. For the rest of my life I can look at those houses and feel a sense of pride. I guess when there is a real sense of accomplishment you can't help but love what you do.

I've been kind of hell bent on making it without a man. Mostly because I don't have one and I want to prove something to myself. When I got divorced I had never worked a day in my life and I was utterly devistated. He had taken total care of me and I was completly lost once he was gone. I don't want to be that woman again. Actually I don't think it's possible. I've grown too much. It would be nice though not to have to do everything on my own. It's a nice feeling when it feels like a guy is a little protective of me. I want that. I've just been doing this so long it's hard to step back and let someone else hop in the driver's seat so to speak...

So the upside of all that has happened in my life lately that is unsavory...I'm doing some writing again and it's been a looooooooong time since I came up with a decent one. Here it is.
Blue Rainbow
Rain falls from an opalescent sky
Raindrops of every hue
The sun shines brightly
Yet my rainbow is blue
I admit that I am mercurial
And colors are my delight
Yet a monochromatic rainbow
I falter at the sight
It does have many shades of blue
From nearly violet to almost green
Yet this solemn rainbow
Often goes unseen
It is my secret rainbow
My own private despair
I hide it from all others
I do not wish to share
A raindrop caresses my face
Like a ruby colored tear
Then suddenly I realize
I?m a prisoner of my fear
I lift my face to jeweled drops
Descending from an ephemeral abyss
I accept my azure rainbow
I realize nothing is amiss

I'm still fighting the case of Poison Oak I caught when I was clearing brush. I'm very allergic and I don't even have to come in contact with the plant I catch it from the air. Needless to say I haven't volunteered for more brush clearing.
I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at the job site. The first house is insulated and decked. The second house has post & beam but we have to wait until the rain stops to insulate. It started to pour on us Sunday and hasn't let up since. My house now has the lot dug out for a foundation but thats it and there are five other foundations to pour first. I am getting to do more work on the houses themselves it's difficult but rewarding.

My grandparents fell in love and married when my Grandmother was 18 and my Grandfather 23. They were married for 58 years before he passed away. Thiers was a true love. Something that still lives on in my Grandmother even after my Grandfather is gone. She told me the other day he was good in every way on the inside and out. My parents have been married 35 years and still love one another very much. I thought my ex husband and I were destined for the same. Now seven years divorced and several relationships later I've been cheated on, lied to, used, ignored, abused once, betrayed, and taken advantage of. Is it men have changed that much over the years or some other reason I only seem to find the wrong ones? What happened to forever love?

So I get an e-mail from this guy and he seems nice but after the last guy I dated from this site turned out to have a girlfriend I'm a little suspicious of people. This guy has two screen names and he gave me both. So I read them both....his astrological sign doesn't match from one to the other...um you can't change when you were born. Not to mention on both profiles There were comments from women. One he stood up and the other said he's married. What is up with people? Why can't anyone be honest? I'm straight forward and tend to shoot from the hip. What's up with the plethera of loosers? I'm not going there again.

I think I hinted before that I had met someone from the site and was seeing him. Unfortunatly it didn't work out. He's a good guy and I wish him all the luck and happiness in the world. I just found out once I got involved that I was really afraid. I feel bad because the minute an oportunity came to break up I bolted like a scared rabbit. Soon after I regreted the choice but there is no going back on it. I don't undderstand why I stayed in a bad relationship for three years but bailed on a decent one after three weeks. I guess I'll have to work out those things before I get serious about anyone else. I still really like him but he hasn't spoken to me for a week. I guess being freinds is out of the question and that's probably my biggest regret.

I got into this terrible fight with a blackberry bush. I look like something the cat drug in really...it's sad. I went to work on the houses and all there was to do was clear brush with inadequit tools. So after spending four hours in a thicket full of briers and hawthorn...those things have huge spikes...yeah I look like that's where I've been. I needed something to maim though. Life has been a little on the disappointing side so it was good that I got to take out some frustrations in a possitive way.

It's not just a song it's a truth for many of us. I had a customer admire my watch and bracelet the other day and say "Oh aren't you spoiled" I just looked at her funny and told her I bought it for myself. I work a fourty hour a week job. I have my own place. I make my own payments and if I like something I buy it for myself. Men can be fun but I don't *need* one. I have no desire for a sugar daddy but a guy that shares my work ethic is a must. So if anyone else is out there like me speak up or I dare say they'll think we're all gold diggers ;)

Okay let me see if I can articulate what I've been thinking of. So I've been reading blogs of the women on the site and they feel the need to catagorize the type of man who would come to a big girl site. Since I only know a little bit about a few of the guys around here I can't really say a whole lot.
Probably some of the guys are jerks. You know all the guys that like skinny women are perfect and none of them are jerks...(btw that last statement was dripping with sarcasm)
Okay so here comes the vent. In todays "if only you were thinner" society...It's really nice that there are men and even women that don't think that way. I can't begin to tell you how nice it's been since I got here. I'm finally not carrying a cyberplague. :) Not only that but if anyone takes the time to read the blogs and overlooks the whining parts...there are some really interesting and funny people here and it's nice to be part of that community.

I was talking with a friend and discussing what is unsexy on the first date. For him it was being unclean and I agree but I'm more quirky than that. Okay one of the things that will having me end a date in a hurry....socks with sandals. Utter turn off right there. Not that a guy can never wear them but I find them very icky. In fact I don't care to see men in sandals at all...or flip flops. I've thought it over and come to the conclusion that we sometimes base what's sexy on the men in our family. My Dad wouldn't be caught dead in that stuff. In fact 99% of the time he's in cowboy boots. I wonder if anyone else is weird like me. I also don't care for long hair on men. Not my thing. Call me shallow but I like what I like. ;)

You know it's kind of funny. I got rejections from two jobs that I had applied for today and I couldn't care less. I mean I guess I should be disappointed but I have so much else going on in my life that it barely registers. I got further towards my dream of building my own home today. I had my hair done and I love it. I've been getting to know some awesome people on this site. For the moment life is sweet.
I have a good job. I just don't like that I work weekends. I really want to see my kids and my family more. So that is why I'm trying to change jobs. Maybe the fact that I'm content where I am mostly makes it easier to handle.

I guess some people think I have a pretty face and I am flattered by that but only to a point. There is so much more to me than just my face. I have a wicked sense of humor. I'm honest and straightforward. Sometimes overly verbose. I love books. I write poetry.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want a guy who can see past how I look. Beauty is only skin deep. Looks fade with time. Maybe I'm asking too much but you can't get what you want if you don't ask.

I would like to say I really appreciate all the men on the site who have their pics up. It's encouraging to know there are so many handsome guys within my area looking for a plus size girl.
I think I feel better about myself already. :)

I have been reading and thinking... You know it's not about size really. It's about how you feel about yourself. If you feel ashamed of your size it's going to show in your interactions with people and it's going to drive away people who might be interested. I'm saying this to myself as well as everyone else.
Here is a little story to illustrate my point...it's even true. I one time aimed for a very coveted position at my job. Only a few people get to work that department and they picked me. I was over the moon! I decided to go out to celebrate. I went to a bar and because I was in such a great mood I joked with the bar tender...flirted with everyone. It wasn't long before the cutest guy attached himself to me for the night. We had dinner. We had drinks. He didn't get any. He even came to my work the next day to go out with me again. I felt really confident and people are drawn to that. Size didn't even come into play.
So when the afterglow of a promotion wore off...I went back to being myself. Right now I feel pretty good about who I am. I look in the mirror and there are things I'd like to change but I'm working on that.

I had a super weekend. I spent Friday with my sister helping her clear Scotch Broom on her farm. Then Saturday I cleaned. Sunday I cleaned some more and made my best friend peanut butter cookies because it was his birthday. He came over while I baked them and visited so it was really nice.
Then today was my annual review at work. Most of it was okay. Except one part where they listed customer abuse as one of my shortcomings....I wasn't sure what that meant so my manager went all through my file and to the best of our knowledge it stemmed from an incident when I didn't escort a secret shopper to an item three feet away. I don't know by what stretch of the imagination that constitutes customer abuse. I theorize that one of the managers who disliked me and has since left (who is responsible for a bad shop being listed as that)was looking for grounds to terminate and was embellishing.
So all the more reason to seek employment elsewhere once the loan closes on my house. Hopefully that will happen before the end of the month. I'll keep my fingers crossed anyway.