Stockhausen to Pig Destroyer and everything in between: it's all Robot Rock to me.

Friday, August 29, 2008

HAHAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE REPUBLICANS

The first thing I saw when I woke up was "McCain picks Palin for Veep". And I was thrilled, for a minute. You see, for a brief, fleeting moment in time, my woozy, sleep-addled brain genuinely believed that the "MAVERICK" McCain had actually picked THIS guy:

Wouldn't that be just incredible? Michael Palin as our nation's second in command? However, this was not to be. McCain actually has picked THIS woman:

Naturally, my few Republican friends think that this is a brilliant and crafty choice for a Republican candidate to make. I imagine they think it's brilliant and crafty because the strategy here is that McCain/Palin will reunite a fractured Republican party dissatisfied that the McCain brand of batshit social Conservatism is different from the one offered by the party line. Sarah Palin, by contrast, tows that line like a goddamn tugboat. Creationist? Oh yeah. Pro-life? You bet. Corrupt and nepotic to the point of gubernatorial ridiculousness? Most CERTAINLY. She's even pro-drilling, something that you'd think someone born and raised in the natural beauty of Alaska would fight tooth and (immaculately manicured) nail.

And, lest we forget, she's a former beauty queen. Now, I'm not one to attach unfair stereotypes and stigmas to people: I'm positive that most beauty queens wouldn't want to be associated with conservatism, even though they might not know how to spell that word.

I'm not going to assail Palin's credibility by focusing on her MILF-hood (although it's a serious blow to an record already devoid of credibility), but instead focus on how McCain's vitriolic accusations of Obama as being utterly inexperienced are now completely, totally impotent. McCain, once an interesting figure in Republican politics, someone who, before it became evident that he was completely crazy and incompetent, gave me hope for the restoration of reasoned debate in American politics, has finally shot himself in his own gun-crazy foot. Palin's experience is limited to governing the least population-dense state in America for two years; before that, there was a smattering of town council appointments and a mayoral position in a town of 5500 people. Does this really strike anyone as the voice of authoritative experience? Picture this: if the ailing McCain is, by some unbelievable stretch of the imagination, actually elected, he might die in office. Then it will be up to crazy-ass Sarah Palin to run the country. Does anyone think that she's competent to make policy decisions? I would argue that if the administration of George W. Bush, a former Texas Governor and Yale graduate, is basically controlled by his administration, a Sarah Palin administration would, in effect, be a Karl Rove presidency. If that happens, Dems, you might as well just dig your passports out and head north for good (that is, if the borders are open that long).

So, I ask you, blogosphere, do you really think that Palin is going to reunite the Republicans, Bad News Bears-style, and whip them into shape as a fearsome fighting machine? Do you think that the magnetic strength of her MILF-itude will translate into assertive and effective policy-making and execution? Or, rather, is her experience limited to assertive and effective breakfast-making and execution? Maybe, if this whole thing doesn't pan out, she could be the White House den mom.

2 comments:

From this side of the Atlantic, my reaction was that this was a neat (and cynical) move by McCain - not to unite the Republicans, but to further disunite the Democrats. The play seems to be to pick up those Clinton supporters who feel snubbed that they're not going to get a female Veep under Obama. Not a bad ploy if you ask me: the way it looks from here, Obama's biggest threat is Clinton Democrats throwing their toys out of their prams and voting McCain.

This element certainly exists, and it's not a terrible strategic idea. However, the Republican party is just as fragmented as the Dems are; it's just that the Republicans took eight years to fragment instead of a few months during primary season. I think that Palin, objectively, would serve both purposes, were she an effective and experienced politician; instead, McCain has just made his party look like fools.

There are strong indicators, as well, that McCain wanted to pick Lieberman, his old buddy, but this rankled the ire of too much of the GOP politburo, so McCain went with Palin to defuse the extreme conservative element of his party.

The reaction here has been that roughly 95 percent of Republicans think it's a brilliant move, and 95 percent of Dems think it's ridiculous. As someone with obviously liberal leanings and social circles, I haven't seen much of the backlash you're discussing, although it isn't non-existent. I suppose dumb votes are still votes, though.

And I'm still holding out for Michael Palin for Veep. Even though he's not legally able to assume the position, there's still time for an amendment!