YSaC, Vol. 1655: I can swing my sword.

Sword (cursed) – $100

Looking to sell my sword. The power and temptation are too much to bear anymore. Here’s a little bit about the sword:

42″ blade, Cursed so that it will kill a man every time it is used and will be the cause of three great evils.

* Forged by magic, handle carved from the tree Barnstokkr.
* Cutting strength and durability beyond that of an ordinary weapon.
* Unbreakable by anything but wrongful acts of its wielder.
* Bursts into flame when wielder is challenged or in danger.
* Under the correct circumstances can sever its victim’s head in one blow!
* Frightens unworthy opponents and the elderly.

Wait, I’m trying to understand this sword’s special powers. It’s cursed so that it will kill your opponent? Isn’t that a good thing, assuming that your opponent isn’t Joey from down the street? And apparently it kills your opponent by … bursting into flame. Now, I’m no Medieval specialist, but I was under the impression that swords were supposed to be more on the solid spectrum than the fire spectrum. It seems it is also responsible for the three great evils of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, and Titanic 2: Mermaid Saviors. Okay, now we’re talking power.

Although, I think I’d like a sword that would not break when I rip the tags off my mattress with it.

The sword kills a man every time it is used. You know of its power, which means you must have used it already or seen someone else use it. And yet, it breaks if the wielder commits a wrongful act. Such as… killing another person. So tell me, how does this thing still exist?

FINALLY!!!! The answer to our student behavioral problems in our schools! May I borrow this sword for a few days? I promise to return it with only a few scorch-marks. I’m tired of being cursed by sixth graders….and sweet-faced little girls at that!!!

So does this mean you swear at the sword when you use the sword?
Do you swear at your enemy when you use the sword?
Do you swear at the sword when it bursts into flame?
Do you swear at the sword when it breaks?