1.) You scratch Obama’s back, he’ll scratch your student loans — Yesterday Obama announced a great new student loan program. In sum: Took out a loan you can’t afford to get a degree you can’t use? Don’t worry about it! So how’s that gonna work? TheDC’s Neil Munro reports: “President Barack Obama’s new student loan policy will force working class Americans to pay the ballooning college costs of middle class Americans, and will also hinder needed reform of the bloated education sector, say critics. Obama is ‘shifting the burden of paying for college to all of those Americans who did not graduate from college — the waitresses, construction workers, mechanics — and that should infuriate the taxpayers who worked hard to pay off their loans, who decided to live a modest lifestyle to pay off their loans,’ said Lindsey Burke, an analyst at the Heritage Foundation. Obama’s policy is also widening the class division between working-class Americans and those with college credentials, said Matthew Denhart, a researcher at the Center for College Affordability and Productivity in Washington, D.C. Whatever the real costs, the new subsidy could benefit Obama’s standing among the disenchanted voters in the coveted 20-something demographic. Almost 70 percent of that group voted for him overwhelmingly in 2008. The new loan policy ‘will save you money, it will help more young people figure out how to attend college … you will be more comfortable and confident to buy a house … [and] that will give our economy a boost when it desperately needs it,’ Obama told a cheering crowd of students at the University of Colorado’s Denver campus. But, he added, ‘young guys, I need you involved, I need you active … I need you to get the word out.'” In other words, get Obama re-elected and he’ll shower you with other people’s money. Mark your calendar, because this might be the closest he’s ever gotten to being honest.

2.) Fast and Furious investigation: slow and steady — As more and more members of Congress call on Eric Holder to resign over his role in the Fast and Furious debacle, the murder of another federal agent is being tied to the deadly program. TheDC’s Matthew Boyle reports: “House Oversight Committee Chairman Rep. Darrell Issa and Sen. Chuck Grassley lambasted Attorney General Eric Holder in a new letter detailing how Holder’s team has failed to provide congressional investigators with critical details surrounding the connections between Operation Fast and Furious and a second federal agent’s murder. The two top Republicans wrote to Holder on Tuesday criticizing what they said was the Department of Justice’s late and lacking response to Grassley’s March 2011 request for details about the murder of Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer Jaime Zapata. ‘Not only was the response more than six months late, it completely failed to answer the key questions,’ Issa and Grassley wrote. Issa and Grassley then detail how the DOJ’s severely late response is still rife with inconsistencies… Grassley and Issa ask Holder to clarify all the details and finally provide the information the DOJ has been withholding. They gave Holder until noon on November 8 to respond.” What are the odds he will? He should keep stonewalling until November 8, 2012. By then, the decision will have been made for him.

3.) Occu-pale — That blinding light you see from Occupy D.C. isn’t the accumulated brainpower. It’s the accumulated lack of melanin. TheDC’s Mia Watkins reports: “The Occupy D.C. protesters crowding McPherson Square say they represent the ’99 percent of Americans’ who aren’t the most wealthy. But their racial composition isn’t a mirror of the 99 percent of Americans they claim to represent. A majority of the protesters in the nation’s capital are white, a fact that both black and white activists have noted. Tate Jawdat, a white woman who has been ‘occupying’ the square for a little more than a week, said she doesn’t see enough color in the crowd. ‘The occupation is very white and the committees are largely run by white men,’ she told The Daily Caller. ‘Not a lot is going to change if the committees are run by white men.'” Or otherwise. But at least you get to go camping! Remember: The racial composition of any given group is an important issue only when that group opposes the left.

4.) George Soros: Netfinger? — Human rights ain’t what they used to be, as TheDC’s Josh Peterson reports: “Frank La Rue, the U.N. Special Rapporteur on freedom of expression who made summer headlines when he proclaimed Internet access as a basic human right, conducted his research and delivered his conclusions with the support of organizations funded by liberal financier George Soros, The Daily Caller has learned. La Rue’s statements on Internet freedom caused alarm among conservatives who believe ‘net neutrality’ is a vehicle for a government takeover of the Internet. Advocates of net neutrality, a position championed by the billionaire Soros and by the U.N., argue governments must regulate private censorship and bandwidth online to ensure it remains open and free. Soros, a philanthropist known for supporting liberal causes, has articulated his belief in the need for greater U.S. government regulation of the Internet.” The Internet is good, therefore it’s a “basic human right.” All the people around the world who work every second of every day to keep the Internet running must continue to do so, or else they’re violating our human rights. That doesn’t really sound enforcable. Hey, maybe Soros is just meddling in the Internet to shut up people who criticize him and the ideas he’s promoting?

5.) Terry Jones is running for president — No, not the guy who ate a wafer-thin mint and exploded. This is the guy who threatened to burn a book and the Internet exploded. TheDC’s Jamie Weinstein reports: “A press release from his organization Stand Up America Now simply declared Wednesday: ‘Announcing: Dr. Terry Jones for President.’ Jones, who serves as pastor of a Jacksonville, Fla., church with a reported membership of under 100 people, gained infamy in 2010 when he declared he would burn a number of Qurans on the ninth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. Though Jones and his church were relatively obscure, media reports of ‘International Burn a Quran Day’ spurred riots around the Muslim world, some resulting in deaths. Under international pressure to cancel his Quran-burning extravaganza, Jones backed down, but ultimately did burn a Quran earlier this year after holding a trial of the book at his church. Britain’s Daily Mail reported only 30 people were in attendance.” If he wants to get everybody back on his side, he should burn an American flag. That’s freedom of speech! Well, good luck, Pastor Jones. It’s not like you’re any dumber than, say, Biden.