2010-02-09

Jump Off

Hi Everyone,How are ya, good I'm sure:) Within a weeks time I got 9 more followers, thank you to all of my followers I appreciate it. Every time I drive back and forth to Christa's house I start that thinking thing again. I remember when I got pregnant with Christa all my friends told me don't have the baby, your to much of a free spirit, you like to come and go whenever. But because of my Catholic upbringing I chose life. It was one of the best choices I have ever made. She has saved me from myself many times. I feel that free spirit reemerging in me now. Sometimes I don't want to stop driving, I just want to jump off to a new place, spread my wings and fly, breakaway. It's not that I am unhappy. In fact Pete has been so loving to me lately everyday that I feel like I am in heaven, and it is like we are newlyweds on our honeymoon. But I never had those years to do what I wanted and find myself. Now that I want that here I am stuck in that rut of taking care of every one's wants and needs in my life and not that I mind it so much but I want my own place in the world and my independence, by that I mean my own Career, and having the ones that depend on me be more self sufficient. I sacrificed my own needs and wants for everyone elses and today it hurts that I am not where I wanted to be in life at my age. I especially deserve me time after holding both of my mother's hands as they passed from this world into another one. I feel I have earned that freedom from what is expected of me. I deserve to be me on my terms and not everyone else wants from me. I have always been rebellious against society, it puts expectations on us that we have to live up too whether or not we want to or are able too. Sometimes I just want to drive till I can get a plane, go back to Aruba and sit under a palm tree and have me time with 90,000 of my friends. Every time life has dropped me down like the limbs on a tree it makes me a tougher son of a bitch and more determined. I have no fear of being alone like I did when I was in my 20's. It is true that youth is wasted on the young. This video is for all my sister's that feel the same way. I have seen Madonna a few times in concert, once in the third row, it was one of the best nights I ever had. I told Christa she could come with me if she wore her famous cones LOL! With every one of her songs it is like she reaches into my heart and sings about what I am feeling. She is the bomb in my book, and I appreciate all the eye candy LOL! I have lived some of her songs for example, Promise To Try, I felt that abandonment every time my mother drove off in an ambulance because she was sick and needed a rest as they told me for most of my life. Papa Don't Preach, from the catholic outfit to depending on my Father for most of my care and then having to tell him I let him down by getting pregnant. When my sister got pregnant at 17 my father said to me don't try anything until your 20 yrs old LOL! And wouldn't you know it, at 20 after taking one chance I got pregnant. I am sure most of you can relate to this feeling of getting away from the daily rut. I found out at work that you can take yoga classes at the local Y for 5 bucks a class. Good deal I am going to check them out. Yoga will help me escape the daily rut as well. It is so good for your mind and body. I would also like to be in the same shape as Madonna as well when I am 51 years young. To Andy my co worker who is his late 60's or early 70's that just went back to school this weekend to make a change in his life. You have inspired me even more to follow my dreams of getting a Master's Degree. You demonstrate that it is never to late to chase your dreams, so thank you Andy and good luck!!Thanks for visiting my blog,Have a great day,Take Care,Janet :)