At this point, I really hope season seven is all about some citizen watchdog group testing the water in Charming and discovering it's filled with toxic compounds that cause a reverse Flowers for Algernon effect on the population, rendering them all epically stupid over time. Because, oh my heck, tonight's episode was just a festival of incomprehensibly dumb motives. Where to begin?

Tara, I want to root for you, but you make it so difficult: The woman who ostensibly wants only the best for her children spends the entire episode making it seem like she's going to take Patterson's deal and get whisked away to a new life in WitPro with the boys… yet she ends up merely taking the kids from Gemma's house, socking Wendy in the jaw when Wendy shrieks at Abel that she's his "real" mother, then going on the run from both the law and the passel of homicidal bikers headed up by her pissed-off husband and his equally pissed-off mom. I can't even figure out what the hell any of that is about, because it just seems so out of left field. Tara as a character used to be smart and level-headed and really good at compartmentalizing, and now she's a nutbar with poor impulse control? Did I somehow miss the scene where Tara endured career-in-the-NFL-caliber head injuries and is now senile and crazy? Because that's the only possible explanation.

Juice, it is a mystery how you made it to the end of this episode alive: The biker's falling apart to the point where even a drugged-to-the-gills Bobby Elvis can see that Juice is a ticking time bomb, so he helpfully suggests that Juice take a handful of Oxy and head down to Diosa to relax. Juice – who is clearly desperate to escape everything in his life – does just that, overdosing in the bathroom in a fit of self-loathing. Alas and alack, Nero and Gemma happen to be around, and they're remarkably adept at bringing people back from near-fatal overdoses. As Nero tends to Juice, the younger man slurs that he is so sorry, he didn't want to kill Darveny but Jax made him, he wishes he hadn't done it, etc. Nero – who is already trying to ignore the messy reality that Gemma Morrow's impact on his life has not been positive – is enraged to learn that Jax straight-up lied to him about Darveny. But because Nero's trying to be a forgiving, moral kind of guy, he refrains from hitting Juice (though it's obvious he's revolted by him at that point), and later when he comes to Jax's house and Jax is busy being all brood-y about Tara taking off, Nero offers a paternal shoulder to lean on even though he's obviously working on some rage issues.

Nero, your friend had a point: One of the Byz-lats has a conversation with Nero telling him two things: Everything the Sons of Anarchy touches has turned to shit and the Byz-Lats are no exception, and the Byz-Lats are going to hook up with the Mayans, because our old pal Alvarez has correctly guessed that things in the gun market are about to shift in a bad way for him, and he wants to consolidate power. "It's going to be brown and yellow versus black and white," he tells Nero, and challenges the other man to think hard on where his allegiance is going to be. Honestly, if I were Nero, I'd be on the phone to Patterson all, "So. What will it take to permanently disappear me and Lucius? Could we maybe be next-door neighbors with Tara and the boys? Like it's a fun sitcom only instead of having punchlines we'll have Teller-Morrow-related PTSD?"

Jax, I think you've tipped the line into 'mass murderer': Who doesn't he kill this episode? A few more Irishmen get shot as a sort of peace offering to the Chinese, who point out that "a small pile of dead bodies" is not nearly the same thing as "total domination of the Oakland gun market." So the next move is to bring the Chinese to the remote weapons storehouse, where all of August Marks' men (hidden in the rafters) plus a bunch of bikers massacre the Chinese. Just… bullets and bodies everywhere, and at this point, I am wondering if there is any nationality left in the world that the Sons have not shot at over the course of their career. Australian? Will we be seeing that in season seven? Ugh. Anyway, Jax thinks he's out of the gun business and that the Irish will be happy working with August Marks, because apparently he's never met the Real IRA and the culture of decades-long grudges they enjoy. The Irish on this show are like a plague of the ginger herpes. They will be back when it's least convenient.

For a penultimate episode, this is not a good sign. I've been waiting for this season to cohere into something beyond moving all the chess pieces into place for season seven, and we're still not there. Maybe it's time for me to check the water I'm drinking too.

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

So! Who's still feeling a little worn out after Clay's death? Anyone? Because Jax looks a little tired. This episode begins with Jax and Patterson meeting at a park gazebo, their respective goon squads a safe distance away. Jax is sounding rather un-sorry as he says, "I'm sorry you lost a man. Anything that gets in the way of the Irish is collateral damage." Patterson calls Jax on his BS, and while she doesn't have evidence to place him on the scene (… yet), she knows his crew knew about the transport: "That's what that wild gun chase was about -- to divert my manpower." Jax defends that move with, "And without that diversion, you'd have had a lot more dead sheriffs."

Oddly, Patterson does not see this as the generous move Jax so obviously thinks it is. She is also not buying the mutual-homicide theory behind Clay and Galen's deaths: "Why take such a huge risk just to kill each other?" "Um, because most of the people I float stories at are either stone stupid or they're juuuuust emotionally damaged enough to want to believe I'm telling the truth when I stare intently and talk in a serious tone?" Jax does not ask. But you can tell he's thinking it, mostly because he's practically rolling his eyes as he lays the groundwork again with the repeated conviction that 20 years of business can lead to a lot of built-up resentment.

"My guess is whatever deal they had set up went bad," Jax says, and Patterson smirks, "There's a lot of that going around." Jax puts on his extra-sincere face and says, "I know it's not the way that you wanted it, but from what I've seen on the news, I've delivered everything I promised -- KG-9s, IRA supplier, local gun dealer." Then Jax sanctimoniously adds, "I held up my half of the deal." Patterson replies, "You're a very smart man, Mr. Teller. I can see how you've risen to your rank." In the first moment of actual sincerity we've seen -- and in what is also a nice callout to the original Hamlet -- Jax says quietly, "Unfortunately, I inherited it."

Patterson's not terribly sympathetic for Jax's ambivalence toward the family trade: "We all have a destiny… [my office has to] finish the investigation. Then I'll decide if you've kept your end of the deal."

Back at the cabin, Tara's making sure Bobby Elvis is resting comfortably. Juice has brought her coffee and while his manner isn't as overtly hostile as it was on the day he was her tail, it's not like he's going out of his way to be a sweetheart. Tara's not going to waste time brooding about that, however: Patterson's recovered from her meeting with Mrs. Teller by calling the missus and saying she's secured a deal with ATF, and perhaps Tara can get away from her homicidal security detail to talk about it? Tara says she'll call when she can.