Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Back to the Mundane

Jake and I decided at the end of last week that since I am going to be having jaw surgery in the fall and Nathan is going to begin having his cleft palate repaired that I needed to come back to work on a full time basis earlier than I wanted to. Originally I had planned on returning back to work on June 30th, but since even the best laid plans change I started back yesterday. I was comfortable going back to work knowing that Jake would be taking care of Nathan and Ellie. Who better than their own daddy would do such a good job? Jake is figuring out that it isn't easy to stay at home with the kids, but I think that he actually doesn't mind it. On Sunday evening before I came back to work, we worked on a schedule of exactly what needed to be done with the kids at exactly what time of day. It made us realize how much work Nathan is. We also realized that if we worked it right, that Ellie would be getting the one on one attention she needs too.

I am constantly wishing that I were home with Nathan and Ellie instead of working. It always goes back to the great debate: proverty and a junky neighborhood or a nice home with good schools. As Kathleen can attest, a teacher's income barely can purchase a condo these days; not a home for a growing family. I also have a vested retirement with the state which would help us tremendously in our later years.

Jake and I are considering the possibility of having a live in nanny that could take our extra bedroom downstairs and be paid a stipend. Tonight we are going to start interviewing people also for possible in home daycare arrangments. Our biggest problem is that Nathan doesn't just need a diaper bag at the moment to go places. He also needs his pump and attachments as well. It would just be easier all around to have someone come to our home. So, if anyone knows anybody who would be up to sitting, please let us know. I want the very best care for my little boy because he needs a lot of extra attention! I also want someone who is going to love my children and not just tolerate them. Its going to be a tall order to fill.

At least since I have to go back to work I have an excellent job with a wonderful manager and coworkers. No one in my office plays office politics and everyone gets along. I'm in charge of my own work and the pace that I work on it. My day always ends at the same time and I NEVER work holidays or weekends. I can also call in sick in the morning and I'm not putting anybody off by doing so. How much better can it get? SO, I'm back to the mundane and grateful for what I have and not worrying so much at the moment about what I don't. I'm working hard to be a good mom to my children in the evenings and the days I have off. I guess at the moment I'm doing the best that I can.

We found a nannie last summer when our son went through surgert to help with the other children off the internet. It was somtphing Au pair? I wish I could remember. The sign up fee was only about 60 dollars for the month maybe a little less. Anyway, we found a girl from Utah. She was such a good helper. We paid her $25o a week. Also you could try running an add in the paper. Good luck!

CHD Awareness

1 in every 120 babies are born with a heart defect. What if that ONE was YOURS?

Our Little Man

We unknowingly became elite members of a world no one wants to be a part of on January 22, 2008 with the birth of our little boy, Nathan, but looking back we can't imagine life any differently. Nathan has had to endure 21 surgeries in the first 25 months of his life including open heart surgery for Tetralogy of Fallot, jaw surgery at 3 days old, 5 cleft surgeries and many surgeries involving his airway, ears, and eyes. He has a g-tube which he uses as his sole source of nutrition. In February 2010 he underwent a second jaw distraction as he was showing signs of right heart failure.

Nathan is our little hero; our witness that prayers are answered individually and that we couldn't be blessed with better family and friends to support us.

A Heart Mother's Poem

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my baby was sick.I thought, "Am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my son any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I needTo help my baby thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.As I accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night,it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my baby's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life,and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room,to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep,to learning every med.From wondering, "Will he be alright?",to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts,despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger(It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him(Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother".~Stephanie HustedMommy to Braeden HLHS post FontanCarepage name: babyhusted

HEART POEM

I "borrowed" this poem off of another blog. I'm not sure who the author is, but it truly touched my heart.(Original version found at http://garyandcamille.blogspot.com Thank you!)Heart Poem:

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. She asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart. Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday. And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."