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I tried to tell my husband....

Tonight I went to a Christmas dinner alone with my husband of 26 years. I did not feel at all like going. I have hurt all day. I got little sleep last night because I just could not get my feet warm enough to stop hurting! I thought the hour long ride each way to the dinner would give me a chance to tell him what the Dr. thought about my test results. I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. I just can't get the words out. I have always talked to him about everything. I know how much he depends on me and we have taken on such a big responsibility with adopting 9 children in the last 6 years after raising our three bio children. This was my dream and he supported me in it 100%. I just can't let him down by being sick. I just pretend I'm fine and try to minimize the arthritis pain,horrible headache and chills etc.... The more I read the more I'm convinced that this is Lupus. I feel that I've had it for a long time. I'm so afraid of the damage it may have already done. I can't believe I just ignored so many symptoms for so long. It seems that I could always find an excuse for being sick,hurting or anemic or cold or the rashes or the kidney trouble,hair loss, you name it. I just never put it all together. I've always been very active and had a strong work ethic....pushing myself to the limit and enjoying every minute of it. Up until now that seemed to work. Why is it that until you know something is really wrong that you don't even give the symptoms much more than a second thought and just go on with life.....doing your part to save the world.....then you are given a diagnosis and suddenly you feel rotton and like a very ill person? I want to just forget I ever went to the doctor. Thanks for being out there in cyberspace. I just needed to vent. Anyone else felt this way?

I tried to tell my husband....

Venting is what we are here for :-)
I still believe that your husband has a right to know just how ill you are. He has been married to you and stood by you for 26 years - that is a man who is devoted! I can't imagine that his devotion will disappear because the love of his life is having health issues. Imagine how he might feel if he finds out some other way?
I am not a therapist, nor am I a doctor! I have been married for 31 years and my husband has stood by me from diagnostic process to this day! He knows what the headaches are about, the virul infections, the joint pains, the sun sensitivity, the change in diet, the fatigue etc. etc. etc.
I affirm that you will be able to make the best choice, both for you and your husband. I affirm that every word will be received with love and compassion. You are perfect, complete and one with the creator of all good. Therefore, I affirm that only good can be created by you. I affirm that your family will provide you with perfect peace and understanding. Know that all is well....then take it from there!
Peace and Blessings
Saysusie