BOSTON - The physician treating Senator Kennedy issued an apology last night for releasing what he called an “incorrect diagnosis” of the affliction that sent the Massachusetts Senator to the hospital this past weekend. “As it turns out, the Senator is not – I repeat, not – suffering from a malignant brain tumor,” said Dr. Larry Ronan, the Senator’s primary care doctor. “He’s just got a bad case of restless leg syndrome.” Dr. Ronan blamed the mistake on an intern in the neurology department of St. Eligius Hospital. “Apparently, this guy was looking at the results of the Senator’s MRI upside down.”

'Good laugh'

Dr. Ronan admitted that everybody in the Neurology Department “had a good laugh” until it was revealed that the erroneous information was released to the public. “We all felt horrible about it,” he said. “After all the suffering the Kennedy family has endured over the years, to think we were responsible for a little more is so awful.”

'Good will come of it'

Dr. Ronan said he planned on speaking to the intern responsible about examining MRI results at the proper angle. “I think from now on we’re going to put a tag that clearly states ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ on those things.” He added that he believed the Senator would be glad that “some good” had come from this unfortunate incident. The Senator is scheduled to be released from St. Eligius within the next forty-eight hours. He has been advised to refrain from touch football and adultery until he receives medical clearance.