Community Question is a category inspired by you. Here and there readers write in with questions that are better served by the varied, experiential knowledge of those who read and contribute in the comments.

The following question is from Leah A.

Our son, age two and a half, has just been diagnosed with autism. We are participating in our state’s early intervention program and they are pushing us toward the public school system’s preschool when he turns three. His doctor also wants him around other children so that he can learn to ‘socialize, play, etc.’ I’d like to find out from the community if they’ve been in a similar situation and what they would advise. We don’t have a lot of options in our area and can’t afford private schooling.”

For those of you who have walked this road, what would you advise Leah about putting her son in the public school preschool at age 3?

168 Comments and 75 Replies

Hi, I can’t say if it is rite or wrong to put your child in school at that young age but if I were you I would go with my gut really think about if you only you know if your child is ready for school then and only then should he go. Will he be put in a class with kids like him? Will he be observed and conforted if it gets to much for him? I would ask them alot of questions then go with my gut.

LAD On Monday, March 4 at 9:22 am

Yes, no one knows a child better than his/her parents. But most of us parents know very little about special education. The earlier the specialists can intervene, the greater the chance that your child will be able to be independent some day. You want your child to be able to function at the best of their ability, and educating a special needs child requires all the help you can get. My special needs child is 32 now. I am deeply grateful that he received services from the time he was 3 months old. Don’t turn down a source of help.

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Amber On Saturday, March 2 at 6:18 am

Definitely ask lots of questions. I’m sure every program is different. My son has undiagnosed developmental delays and started preschool at age 3 last fall. His teacher, aides, and therapists are amazing. They are trained in ways I am not, and he is flourishing in this environment. The teacher/aide ratio is 6 students to 3 adults, so he gets lots of attention. I have seen a huge change in him in his ability to interact with peers and people outside of our family bubble. I’m sure the special Ed preschool is not for every child, but for us the public school our son attends is a huge blessing.

Kimberly On Sunday, March 3 at 9:55 am

This is a thoughtful response and very helpful. Thank you!

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Farmwifetwo On Saturday, March 2 at 6:19 am

The essay is too long for me to truly type here.

1. ABA is pavlov’s dog training and if you want him puppy trained… Go for it. If you teach instead he’ll actually learn to do for himself.

5. Children learn at different developmental ages. Your child cannot be forced to learn so young. Children learn constantly. As Sax mentions age 7 and he’s right. Don’t believe the ‘but he’ll amount to nothing’ hype. TEACH!!!! DO Not Train!!!

Mine are now 11 severe but can out read, spell, take dictation (he writes out things in his writing with symbols that he like) has poor expeessive language skills and is doing amazing. ABA was a horrible year in our house. The 13yr old has gone from mild non verbal pdd to just having all the testing redone and he’s now normal or above with crappy social skills.

The so called specialists said it could not be done.

Always remember- children need to live laugh and play- Mercedes lackey.

Kris F. On Saturday, March 2 at 9:51 am

ABA has some very good things to it. We did a modified version and I really liked that the breaking down tasks into small “bites” to learn something. I work sp. ed. at our elementary school and I use a loose form of ABA with my autistic students. I also have my own autistic kiddo at home. There are good and bad about ANY therapy so take the time to look into things and do what works for you and your child.

Jess On Saturday, March 2 at 12:01 pm

ABA is not puppy training! ABA can and has been researched to be very effective! Going to a preschool can prove very beneficial especially for socialization purposes. Just like you can have bad teachers, you can have bad ABA teachers too!

I understand that some ABA programs might be like that, but not all of them. We were extremely happy with our ABA program. My son just graduated after 3 years and I believe he met all his goals because of the therapists and their wonderful knowledge.

Jill On Saturday, March 2 at 11:46 pm

Floortime is great, in our state it is the play project.

Diana Opiela On Monday, March 4 at 8:34 am

Calling ABA “puppy training” is offensive to me. Please don’t take away a child’s chance to learn in a way that is effective for so many. It may not be for every child, but putting a negative name on it doesn’t help anyone.

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Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 6:25 am

Oh my gosh….we are going through this exact thing right now to, and I don’t know what to do…I mean same diagnosis at 2.5 and everything. We are doing all of the evaluations with the school now but I have my doubts but honestly I don’t know what is best. Will love to see the answers to this!

Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 6:32 am

Yes I am replying to my own comment because I wasn’t finished with my thought! I am asking LOTS of questions and here they only go to preschool 3 hours a day and I think the ratio of children to teachers to aides is really important. Like I say I have a LIST. I don’t have a pediatrician because we have not been happy with any of the choices we have in our area.but I am listening to my support group on Facebook and really researching. NO one knows what is best for your child but you and your gut. Mommy instincts are extremely powerful. I already told the preschool that I will yank him out so fast if I sense things not working or my sense is that they are not.

farmwifetwo On Saturday, March 2 at 8:31 am

Mine (both) went to daycare 2 days/wk. It was enough to start kindergarten at SK not JK (we refused to send them to school that young) without any transition issues. My younger did ABA for a year and to be kind it did not go well at all. Getting them out of the house was a problem. The school kicked them out after 6 weeks with my “they aren’t there for us” discussion with the teacher.

The SK teacher and her aide taught him more in a year, in a classroom of 17 kids, than they did in a year of 1:1 30hrs/day sitting at a table doing unending rote tasks that he hated.

The most important thing you can ever do is believe in yourself and to remember that autism doesn’t mean that your child is no longer a child. Although, that seems to be the attitude of many of these early intervention programs. No other disability is put through that level of “but if we don’t do”. All those other children are allowed to be children and grow at their own speed. Your child will not fail if they don’t learn everything by age 5. You need to build a team of people you trust and that support you and your child. Not a group that will tell you how they know better than you do. That sets you up for failure. It takes a lot longer than it should, but in the end, it’s the most important task you have to help your child succeed.

To quote my eldest’s son’s tutor “all children grow and all children learn in their own time”.

Karen On Saturday, March 2 at 9:43 am

As a teacher of special ed children I would have to disagree with the comment “No one knows what is best for your child but you and your gut”. I see daily the mistakes parents make and how they hold their children back from becoming the best they can be.

Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 11:22 am

Well we will definitely have to agree to disagree. I think it depends on what type of parent you are dealing with. I am extremely interested in things that will be helpful but not set us back. I am involved and I do things that promote growth and take definite cues from his therapists. I am constantly investigating what will and might work for my child. However, when your child psychologist says that he has all his needs met at home and compares the schools in our areas to respite care then you then to take note and do what you can to protect your child.

I have to disagree with you Karen. God gave these children to their parents, not special ed teachers. Maybe what you see as mistakes aren’t that at all. After all, you haven’t seen the final product of the parents decisions yet. You are judging based on what you’ve learned from your education, which is based on man’s opinions. Education philosophy is continuously changing, which means nobody has mastered it yet. However, a mothers instinct is God given. And proven many times over.

I’ve noticed that you’ve asked in other places about helpful books. By far the best resource that we’ve used for our son is a book called “More Than Words” by Fern Sussman. We started speech for him before he was diagnosed and this book was recommended by a speech therapist who has an autistic child. We have also seem improvements by changing his diet. As I’m in the boat with you, feel free to send me an email if you’d like. leahatha [at] gmail.com

(And this is the Leah who asked the question. In case you were curious.)

Karen M On Monday, March 4 at 1:56 pm

I agree with Karen above. Parents have to be careful that they’re not shooting the messenger. I had a parent once whose child was five years old and not potty trained yet, another who pushed her five year old in a stroller, another parent only called her child by his nickname, “Baby” – so, he didn’t know his name when I called attendance! As a teacher I don’t assume that I love your child more than you do, but often I have the perspective from working with hundreds of other children over many years, so when I make a suggestion to a parent, it’s with a good heart and it’s not meant to make life worse for the student – quite the opposite.

Trust your instincts, but verify!

Karen On Thursday, March 7 at 7:49 am

Kris, unfortunately I do see the end product. I teach kids 18 – 22 in our local high school. The majority of my kids parents still continue to hold them back and treat them as if they were still babies. The parents are one of the biggest obstacles we deal with. I don’t mean to offend any of you, I assume you are wonderful amazing parents. Just letting you know that is not the norm.

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Vincent Mohan On Saturday, March 2 at 6:25 am

Hi. Old Special Ed teacher here. If-BIG IF-you think he will be able to handle the stress of a preschool class (definition: organized chaos), then put him in on a trial basis. If your son is truly autistic, then he won’t learn socialization as your doctor thinks he will. That’s the problem-if he could learn socialization as well as other children, then he wouldn’t be autistic. If you think he’s strong enough to handle the rough and tumble of twenty or so three year olds, then try it out. If it doesn’t work, you can pull him out. If it does, then keep him there. Either way, I really don’t envy you, and wish you the best of luck with this.

Lisa H On Saturday, March 2 at 8:13 am

20 rough and tumble preschoolers…not in an Early Intervention Preschool!!! This was not a particularly helpful post as it really has nothing to do with what she is asking. It sounds like you are talking about regular preschool. Early intervention Preschool classes DO teach interacting with others-adults as well as their peers.They are extremely limited in there size. My son’s had 3 teachers and 7 students. And we live in a huge district! I am not sure what kind of special ed teacher you were??

farmwifetwo On Saturday, March 2 at 8:23 am

If he could learn socialization like normal children….. BINGO.

As my eldest mastered speech – caught up at age 8 – they couldn’t figure out why his social skills didn’t catch up. After much parental discussion… ok, I went over their heads but the Prov had just put in PPM 140 which meant social, communication, behaviour and transitions now had to be taught by the schools…. they put it in.

You have to teach social skills. No, they will never be “normal”, but they have spent Gr 8 pushing high school survival skills and he has to learn them to succeed as an adult. FWIW, he’s doing very well at them too and has poor empathy and poorer inferencing skills.

My youngest was moved to self contained at Gr 4. He likes other children, he doesn’t play with them nor attempt to be part of their activities. He will still parallel play. Is his social? In his way. He’s had piano lessons, swimming lessons and all his instructors love him. We have joint attention. But, it’s always on his terms should he wish to socialize or simply be with you… which is how it should be.

HighPlainsMom On Saturday, March 2 at 11:00 am

My son’s Headstart preschool class had 10 students, three teachers (two with Master’s degrees in early childhood/special ed) one teacher aide and two student teachers.

gaelowyn On Saturday, March 2 at 11:03 am

I don’t know what early intervention/special education preschool you taught at Vincent, the ones in my area are not 20 or more 3-4 yrs old running around in organized chaos! My daughter was diagnosed as speech delayed with some cognition delays at 3. She attended the school districts preschool that was also part of a local university’s early childhood and special education teaching programs. Her intervention class time was spent with maybe 10 kids total, one lead teacher, two student teachers, and two licensed aides. She met with the speech pathologist twice a week, for 30-45 min each session, one on one.
I realize programs vary from area to area, but lets not paint them all with such an incorrect picture as nothing more than disorganized chaos.

I do not have a child with autism/aspergers, so I can’t truly appreciate the situations many posters are facing. My only suggestion would be to ask millions of questions of everyone involved- the early intervention program leaders, the special education and early childhood development teachers, doctors, therapists, etc. Then base your decision on knowledge gained, not just gut feelings, opinions of random anonymous people on a web page.

Colleen On Saturday, March 2 at 8:08 pm

I’m not sure where you taught, Vincent, but our experience has been nothing like that. My son’s Special Day Class preschool has 4 adults for 7 children. And when the PT, OT, and speech therapist there it can actually be a 1:1 ratio. It’s been wonderful.

laurah On Monday, March 4 at 10:32 am

Will have to defend Vincent here because my daughter’s special education class was with a regular mainstream class of four year olds because our district does NOT have a separate class for special education. There were about 20 some odd kids in the total class with the special ed kids just part of it and not really separate.
Because I was uncomfortable with my three year old at school any length of time by herself, I was there the whole time she was — helping in the room, reading, etcetera. I NEVER allowed my daughter to be at school unless I was. She knew I was there and so did the teachers. The special education class was suggested by the state hard of hearing teachers we had and it was the best decision I could have made for her and I. It did socialize her, she became familiar with the school process, and she made friends, but most importantly she learned at an early age that she would be accepted.
I was not dealing with autism but with a child who lost a good amount of her hearing because of chemo she had undergone as a baby.

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Bobbi On Saturday, March 2 at 7:01 am

Haven’t walked in your shoes, but I’ve been working in early childhood education for about a million years. In our state (PA), the preschool classrooms in the public education system are high quality, all the teachers have degrees in early childhood education, and most children on the autism spectrum do very well. The therapists come into the classroom and work with the children in this setting. Children with autism do need to learn the “rules” for socializing in order to participate in life now and later.

If you are confident in your ability to assist your child in learning all the social skills and providing him all the supports he needs, then you can certainly do it in a home school setting, but early intervention is extremely helpful. I think if I were in your shoes, I would probably at least try it and see how it goes. If it turns out to be too stressful for him, you can always pull him out.

Fern On Saturday, March 2 at 10:50 am

I wanted to second what Bobbi has said. I am an early childhood educator and taught special education for quite a few years. Not only do children with autism need to learn the “rules” for socializing, they need to practice them– with guidance. Many teachers are great at walking children through the steps of socializing and encouraging them as they go. Children with autism need to be with other children in order to learn to navigate these challenges.

I would suggest you observe the class that is being recommended. You can meet the teachers, see how the day goes, and get some sense on whether it would be a good match for your child.

Early Intervention is likely encouraging you to enroll your son in the district’s preschool when he turns three because they think he still needs assistance, and by law services are provided by the district after that age. You will need to visit the school and talk to the staff to find out what therapies and supports they are proposing to offer your son.

My daughter (who has Childhood Apraxia of Speech) was in Early Intervention, then transitioned to the public school’s integrated preschool when she turned three. Her classroom is a mixture of typical and non-typical children, but functions much like a regular preschool. The children learn through play, and those who need assistance are given the help they need both in the classroom and in one-on-one sessions with therapists. It has been a fabulous experience, and she has made rapid gains in her time there.

Tonya On Saturday, March 2 at 10:38 am

Wonderful comments Ruth!!! I am a Pre-k teacher. We also have an early intervention Pre-k that is awesome in our district. I am not the teacher in that program but she works very close to our Pre-k staff. I would hope that there are many programs out there like that and Leah’s daughter could be a part of it. My suggestion to Leah is to check out the program and see how many students are in the program and if it will be a good fit for her daughter. And, also to take your suggestions as a parent in with her!!

Heather C. On Saturday, March 2 at 9:44 pm

I agree with what Ruth has expressed wholeheartedly.
Also, please let Leah know that there are quite often grants to public schools for Early Childhood Education special Ed classes, and her family may qualify for tuition coverage.

All the best to Leah and everyone posting on this forum!

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Annie On Saturday, March 2 at 7:04 am

The more early intervention a child with autism receives, the more successful they tend to be later on in their life. As long as it’s high quality intervention, it probably doesn’t matter whether it’s from you or a preschool. Why not try the preschool for a time? They could have some amazing teachers, as well as extra services like OT, PT, and speech. If it’s not working for your son, pull him out.

As a speech pathologist, I strongly agree with this comment. For children with autism, early intervention is key. I would definitely recommend enrolling him in the school system and take advantage of all the services they offer. I would also have him evaluated for private PT, OT, ST services (you can often get them all in the same clinic–I used to work at one) and do those in addition to public school services.

Good luck!

Jan On Saturday, March 2 at 12:22 pm

Another SLP here who works with special needs preschoolers. Early intervention is so very important and it is amazing to watch children bloom with well trained teachers and therapists. I would encourage you to take advantage of the services available through your school. You can always change your mind if needed.

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Sandra On Saturday, March 2 at 7:08 am

Our son started early intervention at 3 years old after his autism diagnosis and he loves it! It’s just three days a week for three hours a day. He gets speech therapy and OT at school, and more speech, OT, and ABA outside of school. Now we’re getting ready to transition to all-day kindergarten and I’m way more nervous than I was with the preschool decision.

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Lindsey On Saturday, March 2 at 7:09 am

In our area we have an inclusive preschool run by the school district. It’s an AMAZING program that has typically developing peers along side those students who identify with any level of need from social to emotional to physical. My daughter participates as a peer model and we are so pleased with every aspect of the program. I started her at 4 but I plan on (trying) get my other children in for the 3 year old group. Class size is small 2 teachers to 9 children. It also includes a handful of full time specialists who work between 4 classrooms. It’s also just a few hours a day so the time commitment and ‘stress level’ are smaller I feel.

In the school district next to us I know they just do a special needs program, numbers are still small but I wasn’t as impressed with the programs offered.

If socialization is your biggest concern I think an early program could be beneficial as long as class sizes are small. My daughter will be in Kindergarten next year and the class size is going to be close to 20 students for 1 teacher so I’m glad she’s had more of a buffer year to grow into the idea of school.

Good luck! These decisions are never easy!

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Lisa D On Saturday, March 2 at 7:13 am

I don’t have 1st hand experience with his issue, but I have 2 friends with special needs kids (though not autism) that utilized the early intervention preschool offered in our town. While it was very difficult emotionally for the parents to put their 3 year olds on the bus, the experience for and services provided to the children were excellent! There is no way they could have provided the therapies on their own. Every situation and town is different, but I’ve seen it work great for my friends.

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Stefani On Saturday, March 2 at 7:27 am

First off, let me state that I do not have a child with autism, but I have a good friend with a child 1 year younger than my oldest with a high functioning autism spectrum disorder (my daughter is 7.5, he is 6.5). Her story, in a nutshell, is that she started out in the public school system with him. The regular classroom setting did not give him all the support/modifications that he needed, but the school system was basically in control, so her hands were tied as to what she thought he needed vs what the school system thought. Next, she put him in a small private school that did much better for handling his needs, but that was very expensive. This school year, she has decided to homeschool while doing intensive private therapy for him (like ABA). He gets plenty of interation around adults, but he also joins us for playdates and museum dates as time allows, so he also gets time around children. The point of the story is that if the public school route works, then go for it. But if not, don’t be afraid to leave (even if the public school administrators/teachers/therapists make you feel bad for doing so like they tried to do with my friend). But also recognize that there are other options if you can see from the beginning that the public school route won’t be a good fit for your child. Good luck!

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Laura On Saturday, March 2 at 7:29 am

We have had to make this choice twice, 13 and 10 years ago. We live in a area with very small schools and had a choice between public or catholic preschool at three. We chose public for more experience and less red tape. Without preschool there would have been almost no other interaction with peers.
The public school bent over backwards to accomadate to their abilities. There were 14 kids in preschool, a teacher, a para with a extra one as needed. We started with two days a week for three hours and then increased it to three days a week. Therapists did a combination of meeting at school and home. The school always followed the therapists recommendations for therapies and the amount. The new playground equipment was handicap accessable for my kids.
All these years later and in a bigger class of high and middle school my boys are still friends with the kids in that class. We asked all sorts of questions and kept an open dialogue with the school. They went above and beyond what we heard of services in bigger school districts. Both boys are still thriving and improving and love going to school.

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michellejg On Saturday, March 2 at 7:42 am

Having worked as an SLP with children on the autism spectrum for many years in the public schools, early intervention is crictical. The more services your child receives the better their outcome as they get older. Some public schools even have preschool classes specifically designed for children with ASD. While in preschool your child will receive any needed OT, PT, and speech services as well as some academic exposure and lots and lots of learning school readiness skills. I highly recommend at least a trial basis.

Carolina B On Saturday, March 2 at 9:33 am

My degree is in special education and I too worked with children with autism in early intervention home settings. It is so so so important. I would definitely get him services as soon as you can, and if you are able to do that through this preschool, I would at least do a trial.

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Tammy On Saturday, March 2 at 7:42 am

My son doesn’t have austism but he does have Down Syndrome. We did early intervention but at 3 opted out of the school services. After visiting the classroom we chose to keep him in his day care which was a center designed for children with special needs. In our area the pre-school was not an integrated progam. Our son would’ve been in the special ed classroom the entire time without any interaction with typical peers. At his daycare his classroom was a mixture of typical peers and those with special needs. The daycare also provided the option of therapists at a cost to us. We did eventually enroll him in the public school setting while before he turned 4, but he was moved to a different class that was a better fit. In our state special ed class sizes are mandated and the pre-school class was limited to 10 children. As others have said, ask lots of questions, visit the school at least once and go with your gut.

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TLee On Saturday, March 2 at 7:47 am

I live in Gwinnett County Georgia. The preschool special ed classes only have about 6 kids in the class with a teacher and a parapro. So, 3 kids per adult. If you have no other school choices, ie, private school, and homeschool is a daunting thought, I would give the school a go. You DO always have the power to pull him out. Do ask questions. Set up an observation day at the school in the class and see how they go about their day.

As a former public school preschool special education teacher of kids on the spectrum…. I’d say that the program itself is what matters. Some programs are great and would benefit. Some, maybe not. I do believe that your child needs programming. If your gut says no to the public program, you’re going to have to be the Master Contractor for a long term, huge building project! You can put together the therapists who balance your own skills and make it work. It will be a full time job but there is no reason you can’t do it WITH SUPPORT. If you visit the preschool program and decide to try it, you will still be the manager of your child’s services. You will need to always advocate for the most you can persuade them to give, meaning you will need to know the options and what he needs. It will be a part time job.

As with any parenting decision, remember to trust your gut and know that you’re allowed to change your mind. You can try things and try new things. Parenting is never a smooth process, and your experience will be a little more bumpy than some.

Abbe PB On Saturday, March 2 at 10:07 am

THANK YOU, this is precisely what I was thinking. As hard as we try, not all schools and programs are created equal. Visit the school, talk to the teachers, ask if it’s possible to visit for a day to see what it’s like (and understand that if it’s a special needs classroom, this could cause more disruption so they may say no – and if they say yes, it may be a little more chaotic than usual). Know what you are comfortable working with – find out what kind of support the teachers offer, and decide what you and your son need.

Doctors and therapists will push you toward the early intervention programs because that is what they know, and that is what they have seen work. That doesn’t mean it is the only option, but if they have never been exposed to the other options (or if their exposure has been negative) they won’t bring them up with you and may possibly discourage you from them. That doesn’t mean the public school program is wrong, it just means you need to do your own investigation into whether you think it will be appropriate for your child.

I am also a former Early Childhood Special Education teacher. I would have to agree with ‘My Kids Mom’. Every program is different.

The students I taught on the spectrum that came straight from the Infant Toddler program and were active in our program attending age 3-6 left our preschool with awesome gains. It was very satisfying to see how much of a difference early intervention helped. Every child was different, some more severe than others, but I can confidently say that each one made great progress. If you plan on enrolling your child in the public school system in Kindergarten, your future Kindergarten teacher will thank you!!

The great thing is you are not alone in this when you enter this type program you are a part of a team of caring individuals who are there for the best interest of your child. You call the shots, but be receptive to their advice and assistance.

Good luck with your decision!

Heather On Monday, March 4 at 4:19 pm

I completely agree. I have a 7yr old with Autism Spectrum, Sensory Processing Disorder. We don’t utilize our local school. Not because it isn’t a great school, but because we live in a district that specializes in gifted students and not special needs. It wasn’t a right fit for us. I have had to become very self-educated in different therapies and methods that will benefit my child. I homeschool her, and make it a point to attend classes and meetings that address teaching the special needs child. Do what is right for you and your child. Our pediatrician was against me teaching/helping my child. After 3 years of me doing speech therapy with her, she is easier to understand than my other 3 children. You are your child’s biggest advocate. If the public system works, then by all means use it (I know it has to be cheaper). Just don’t be afraid to buck the system a little if that is what you need to do

Let me add that if this is a classroom for typical children, your child won’t be gaining much from it at all. I’m basing my ideas on this being an early intervention classroom with small ratios of well trained teachers.

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Lisa H On Saturday, March 2 at 8:04 am

I am a nurse and have a son with a disability. I , too was a little apprehensive about preschool the moment he turned 3…but it was the best thing ever!! These kids need every bit of help they can get and unless you are a trained specialist, the best place for you child is school. I did have some apprehension the first day and a few bumps but it was the BEST thing we ever did for our son.Good luck and do not be afaird to let go a little…..other will love and care for your child with the added advantage of the training to help!! God Bles!

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Doularuth On Saturday, March 2 at 8:11 am

I would only put him in preschool if all of the teachers have been educated in how to guide a child with autism. Most preschool and traditional school teachers are going to require that your son conform to the standard protocols. Your son probably won’t conform – not because he is being defiant but because it is not in his nature.

If you want to “socialize” your son I think the better way would be to join a group of homeschoolers who get together to do activities. The older and younger children are often waaaayyyy more forgiving of out of the norm behaviors than peers. Plus, you can educate the adults present as to why your child behaves the way he does and you can educate them as to how to handle these behaviors.

I do not have a child on the spectrum myself, but I teach in a traditional classroom and have had many children on the spectrum go through my classroom. Out of several, only one child on the spectrum was truly successful and that was because he was with an exceptional group of peers who embraced his differences and accepted him just the way he was. They looked out for him when they were with other classes. The other spectrum children who were in my classroom did not fair so well because their peers were just plain mean despite my guidance.

I homeschooled my own biolotical kids for 12 years. We were with a couple different homeschool groups. My observation is that as a generality (not a rule), homeschooled children tend to be less cruel and more accepting of children who are “different”

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Amy On Saturday, March 2 at 8:33 am

My daughter was 2 when she was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, and we waged a full-frontal attack. She attended a mainstream preschool, received ST/OT/PT either at our house or a provider’s location, and I took every opportunity I could to teach her social skills – from *Oh look, daddy’s home! What do we say when daddy comes home after his day at work? “Hi Daddy!” Let’s give dad a hug!* to *We’re going to get some lunch at McDonald’s. I know you like lemonade. How do you ask for a lemonade? “May I please …”* to *”It looks like you want to go down the slide too. Why don’t you ask your friend, “Can I go down the slide after you?”*.

I think the key is three-fold: be sure there’s a regular, structured chance for social interaction in some sort of preschool setting; be sure he’s getting the therapies he needs; and be sure that you continue to teach him at home and in everyday settings. It very well could be that the first two (preschool and therapies) can be combined in the early intervention preschool setting, but they don’t HAVE to be.

As an side – you really need to do a bunch of research about your rights for FAPE (free and appropriate public education), LRE (least restrictive environment), and IEPs in general. You also might consider seeing if your state has advocates available for when it comes time to write the IEP. For example, you can always refuse transportation so he doesn’t have to ride on a bus and just take him yourself. Also, remember that you can call for an IEP review meeting at any time — so if you decide to send him to EI preschool and it doesn’t seem to be working, you can have the IEP reviewed and rewritten at any time.

Whatever you choose, though, don’t forget to use as many opportunities to teach him at home as well. Then he has the best of both worlds!!! FWIW, though I’m sure our results aren’t typical, our daughter lost her ASD diagnosis by age 4 and is now in a typical kindergarten classroom with no problems at all.

Good luck with your decision!

val On Saturday, March 2 at 10:13 am

Your daughter is lucky to have such a dedicated and informed advocate. It is important to know what your childs rights are and and to pick the options which work best. I have worked in special education in public schools for +15 years and in my experience the best predictor of a child’s future sucess is having educated and involved parents. Also when the state advocates talk, the school district tends to listen.

Amy On Saturday, March 2 at 10:15 am

My son is 23 months and I’m in the process of getting him an assessment–I’m pretty sure he’s on the spectrum after doing some research and talking to other moms. I love what you said about a multi-faceted approach and I’m wondering if you have reading suggestions or other resources to recommend for how I can begin helping my son at home, even before we have a diagnosis and can move forward with early intervention programming. The specific examples you gave were helpful and I’d love to find more suggestions! Thanks!

Amy On Saturday, March 2 at 4:16 pm

I didn’t read any particular book or website that helped; rather, what I did was take a look at our daily life. Because the hallmark of an ASD is an impairment in social communication, I started by listing every.single.social.interaction we have … the three examples above are obvious ones, but there are literally thousands more: checking out at the grocery store, going to the pediatrician, birthday parties, visiting grandparents, and so on. In doing so, it brought awareness to me (and my DH) about the multitude of teaching opportunities we had in daily life. The way I thought about it is this: if I’m alone, I get to be quiet … but if my daughter was with me, I needed to be teaching her about social interactions, even if it was just between the two of us. It was like a constant dialogue/parallel narration of how, what, and why I was doing what I was doing. As time went on, I encouraged her to participate in ways she could – at first, maybe it was just pointing to the lemonade … then saying just the word “lemonade” after I said the first part oft he order, then eventually asking the whole question, then being able to make the full request AND look the server in the eyes. I was always very positive and praised her for her efforts, whatever they were. And, also key for these kids, is I would prepare, prepare, prepare her for what was to come. Not just once or twice, but several times and said in several different ways – I would make it clear what I expected of her.

One product I do HIGHLY recommend are the Spectrum Connections DVD (http://www.spectrumconnections.com). They are darling, catchy little videos with songs (don’t expect anything high-tech – they are very simple) that are all about routines, interactions, etc. Not only did my daughter (and my other typically-developing daughter) LOVE the videos, but it was really helpful for ME to watch them because then I could expand what they were doing in the videos into all the other situations we encountered each day. In other words, it gave me a framework with examples for HOW I teach those specific skills to my daughter who can’t pick it up on her own. It also helped with some specific situations in which we were experiencing horrible meltdowns (grocery store and pediatrician were the two worst for us).

You can also google “social stories” and get literally millions of examples – those tend to be more in print/visual, and we used those in certain instances where a situation was new or unusual and I could tell she needed some sort of visual clue as to what I was talking about. For my daughter, auditory tended to be the best — but every child is going to be different.

I do want to re-iterate … in no way do I consider what I did to be a substitute for what she learned in preschool and her specific therapies. Just like I was able to address specific needs, preschool and therapies addressed different specific skill sets. We all worked together — and I feel very grateful and blessed that we had such a positive outcome. Even now, I still have to talk her through some situations — like today she started talking to a woman at a store about dad’s day in kindergarten, and I had to remind her that this woman doesn’t know anything about her school or dad’s day and that she needed to tell her that first before talking more about it. Different/higher level skill, but a social skill nonetheless.

Hope that helps!

Beverly On Monday, March 4 at 1:21 pm

Amy,

Excellent answer! Thank you for including all the “lingo” that we have to deal with in special education. I would add that you should take the time to read through any parent’s rights information the school provides. You can request it or possibly find it on your state’s BOE website. I work as a paraeducator and am also persuing graduate work in School Psychology, so I know the importance of early intervention. I also have a 4 year old son who has a significant speech delay due to a praxia. He was initially placed SL and began pre-k for 3 hours 2 days/week the day after he turned 3. He is not autistic, but he has some social anxiety that coupled with his speech problems looks suspiscious to outsiders. One-on-one he’s awesome, but the more people you add to the environment, the more closed off he becomes. Because I suffered from much the same thing as a child and because of the sometimes rampant fever to diagnose Autism as early as possible, I was really nervous about his move to a new school. Sure enough after the first day they called me bemoaning how “low” he is and pushing for a reevaluation to consider autism. I said no. Give him a semester to adjust. Two months later I recieve a glowing email. Then he went througha patch of illness where his PA tubes were blocked and he felt awful for about a month. Again, “he’s still not engaging his peers everyday, we want to evaluate for Autism”. Again I said no, and again by his annual IEP he had made significant gains verbally and socially. We did allow him to be evaluated for fine-motor and his placement has been changed to DD. My point is there is a balance between your gut and professional expertise. A child can be placed developmentally delayed through age 9 and recieve all the auxilery services they need: OT/PT/SP, so for me as I’m watching my son make enormous gains at school and at home, I felt I needed to reign them in a little. Not the services he was receiving but the rush to label. Educate yourself about the process. What they are required to do and what you have a right to request. You are a member of your child’s IEP team. You write the IEP together. If you do not agree with an aspect of the IEP speak up because you have input as the parent. Despite the fact that it makes my job easier when parents come in, listen politely, and sign off on all of the team recommendations, I would still rather have a parent who cared enough to be involved even if that means a little extra paperwork on my part.

Amy On Saturday, March 9 at 11:34 pm

Oh, my, yes, this helps a lot! Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I will look into the resources you suggested and give some more thought to how I can work more with my little one at home. Thanks again and best wishes!

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beth On Saturday, March 2 at 8:39 am

My son with severe intellectual and physical handicaps went to school at 3 also. He was in a special education classroom. By going to school, he was able to access speech, occupational, and physical therapy on an almost daily basis. If your son can access all that by going to school, it would be very beneficial. In our small town, the program for kids with autism is amazingly well run. That being said, I would not send a child that young to school ONLY for socialization no matter their age or disability. Make sure the therapies are there.

My son’s teachers were always very concerned to make sure my son paid attention to or got along with other children his own age. His peer group would mostly ignore him because they didn’t know how to act around him unless a teacher taught them how to relate to him (which they did). Most of the kids in his special class were non-verbal so socialization in his special class was non-existant. The mainstream classes he went to, he liked, but could never participate at the classroom level anyway. If he learned only to act like an adult, he will spend most of his time as an adult, so it really doesn’t matter to learn to act like and relate to being a child.

Studies have shown that the earlier you start the better outcomes for your child. I am an ABA therapist and I have seen kids grow incredibly. If you can find ABA anywhere around where you live, I would sign up immediately. Whatever you decided, be involved! Make them tell you exactly what they are working on. Observe if you can. Know as much as possible!

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Jennifer Booth On Saturday, March 2 at 8:54 am

I would suggest small play groups during the summer before preschool to get him to begin to socialize with a lot of kids so you can attend and help him to interact. I know with autism you have a window where a child can be pulled out, but suddenly putting a child with a lot of kids can be scary for any child. You know your child best so if I were you I would do what you think he is ready for. Maybe you can see if you can find a preschool were they will allow you to be there with him.

I adopted a little boy and his baby sister (I previously adopted his older sister) who was neglected. He was never socialized, didn’t talk or know his name when we said it. The first time I took him to a grocery store he was terrified. If any body would come over he would hide until they left. I put him in play therapy where he was in a room with a woman 1 hour a week and she would try to get him to interact with her it took about six months before he would, but after a year of that he still wasn’t playing with other kids other than his sisters. I pulled him out of therapy because I felt it was a waste of time since I wanted him to learn to play with other kids not her and began taking him to play with my neighbors kids 4 or 5 times a week and after 3 months he will play with other kids. I took the kids to chuck e cheeses over a month ago and he walked around, but didn’t play. I took him to a play place in the mall 2 weeks ago thinking he wouldn’t play, but he took off and played with other kids. I was shocked. He is 3 1/2 and will be 4 when he starts preschool if I would have enrolled him at age 3 he wouldn’t have been ready.

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Molly C. On Saturday, March 2 at 9:10 am

Well, as with any and all decisions for our kids I think that you could try things through trial and error. Honestly, I agree that it would be beneficial to get your little guy interacting and socializing as soon as possible, BUT at this age/stage there should be a ton of control involved. I have 4 kids and three of them have been in the special ED program since preschool for developmental delays. (One of them having severe physical problems.) It has been a true blessing for my kids. However autism is a completely different deal so I have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to that. All I know is that there are a lot of people in this world and your little boy will have to grow up interacting with them, so early introduction is probably the best way to go. You can go slowly and control the environment and still be with him. If you decide on a public preschool with a special ED program then great. If you decide to join a church group where homeschool kids and moms all get together to do things, great! Story time at the library 3 times a week. Great! You can feel all these things out and be there with him. Even if you go the preschool route, you ARE allowed to stay in the class with your child, by law. I am no pro, so I don’t know if that is recommended, but you do have the option.
There are many “levels” of autism, as I’m sure you know. Some people have grown up in the public school systems their whole lives and no one knew they even had it. It is only in recent years that we have been able to diagnose it so early. (Or at all.) You’ll never know what your son is capable of until you give him opportunity, but only YOU can measure the cost of introducing him to those opportunities.
I truly hope whatever decision you make, helps your son to thrive and I’m sure he will because you will be there to help him along. My family will have yours in our prayers.

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Amber C On Saturday, March 2 at 9:34 am

My son was in an inclusive preschool through public school specifically for ASD. He started right at 3. When first told about this I was against it thinking that was way too young to be at school 5 days a week! The closer he got to 3, the more I knew I had to try. Going to preschool made a HUGE difference for him! By the time he was 4, they moved him out of the ASD program because he had lost his diagnosis. They put him in the traditional preschool with a special Ed oversight. I pulled him out of that after a month because it was chaos. I went to pick him up one day and his teacher didn’t know who he was because the aide always took care of him. Point of my story, is even within one school district we had an excellent experience and a bad experience. But putting him in really helped him and my entire family. He received services I could not afford (insurance ran out after 2 months of private therapies). He now functions well in a small private school with some minor social issues.

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Sarah On Saturday, March 2 at 9:42 am

I know that it certainly helped my own son. He does not have any problems academically. However, his social skills were improved. My personal opinion in regards to my own children is to help them learn how to work and cope within the world’s environment. By having early intervention, Bryan is slowly learning how to read other children’s emotions and facial expressions. It was a trial to go to public school but has now become a blessing. I was very anxious about it but through communication with the teachers and working with Bryan he’s starting to bloom socially. It’s a wonderful feeling.

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Judi Storm On Saturday, March 2 at 9:54 am

I am certainly no expert. Nor do I have a child with either of these disabilities. However I work at the High School in a “Transitions program” (kids from 9th grade until 21 yrs)
One of our big focuses is socializing. Our kids are out there with the General Ed. kids. We have seen a very big change in one of our students and his social interactions.

Of course I can’t go into any depth with privacy and all. However this student parents wanted him to interact on a more personal level with the kids on a daily basis. One class in particular took a real interest in him and his Autism. We stated each class with 4 or 5 students saying hi to him and he and he had to look at them and say hi and their name, or the nick name he’d given them. This then turned into “-” day. Every Friday. The kids could ask questions about his disability, his Mother came and spoke to the class and explained more about life with him ect. To end the semester the classes final was to go to other class rooms and give facts about Autism. This coincided with Autism awareness month. The kids made puzzle piece magnets and handed them out to all the staff and students. They also set up and information table along with a fundraiser for a local Autism Awareness Foundation.
I know this is long and not well written. However my passion for our public school is real. The class that was involved in this story were mostly Freshmen and will Graduate this May, they still have a connection with —-. They say hi in the halls or stop by for a quick “Hi” He remembers most of their names, HUGE!!!
Many of the kids in our school come from small country schools and were never really exposed to kids with any disability’s. Many from the “the class” have mentioned that they are so glad they got to know more about —, and his disability, as well as the rest of our kids, because they aren’t “scared” of the kids, like they were because of their lack of exposure. The “general ed” kids have great relationships with the kids in our program. Most importantly they are leaning that they are all the same, kids just trying to make it through school and life, all with challenges. Not all the same, but still not so different.
Lastly work with your public school. Be real with your expectations, and fears for your child. Know that there are always people who aren’t going to get your child or their disability. It’s hard for you some days, it will be for them as well. Also kids will be kids. your child might be made fun of, but if they were general ed, they would be too.
Know offense intended here, but remember your kid is not innocent. My student — was to hand out a cookies to his class members on the last day of school, as a thank you from his Mom. He was stressed and not happy about this job. As we got to the last kid on the list I asked him to say thank you and give his friend the cookie. He looked the kid straight in the face said “NO” and punched him square in the nose. Had school not be letting out in a short time I would have asked that he be sent home/suspended for the rest of the day at least. So expect your child to be subject to the same rules as any other kids. I believe as parents we need to have thick skins. Special needs or not.
I’m not sure this is helpful or not. But I just wanted to give you some of my experience working in a public school setting, and that it can be a great place for your little lovey. As well as helping other kids in the long run. Thanks for your time.

I have a 20 year old son with severe disabilities. The school program he attended at 3 years was a great way for him to get a head start. He did not however attend a regular program, he has always been in a “Special Ed” class. Good luck with support and guidance from the great community you have many resources.

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Beth McCarthy On Saturday, March 2 at 10:23 am

Depends on the child. Aspergers is highly intelligent so the child may enjoy the school…and some research shows some autism can be reversed if caught young (Jenny mccarthys son). My friend has a non-aspergers but highly functioning son b/c she got him all the herapy and help she could……and SHE TREATED HIM NORMALLY. She had patience, yes, but didn’t cater to hs every complaint. The pls side with public education is these services for the child will be free.

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kellymarie On Saturday, March 2 at 10:25 am

My Children Attended a Early Prevention Preschool and my son class had 12 children with 1 teacher and 4 aides included in his day was OT, Speech–etc… I happen to think it was beneficial for him.. My daughter who had more behavorial issues, had Therapy play with 2 other children and a Psych, OT and PT (she is blind in one eye). Her classroom was 20 something kids with one teacher and 5 aides…
They attended this school AFTER getting EI services in my home for 3yrs….
I happen to love the school they were in and I found it to be a great source for them… Then they did transfer to ‘public school” for 2yrs, until homeschooling them..

Do I think a specialized preschool, could be beneficial- depending on the child and their needs and if the school is of excellent quality..

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TINA On Saturday, March 2 at 10:28 am

I have seen some really good things happen in these settings. You can always pull your cgild later if it’s not for you. At three, children are “let go: from early intervention programs(those that serve birth to 3) and transitioned into programs connected with local school districts. The classes that I know about, at this age, are small.
Congratlations on seeking the best for your child! Keep asking questions until you feel satisfied you have the best–and do seek out the unconventional wisdom too. Too many people discount it all instead of looking at the underlying truth and seeing if it helps their own situation. Good luck and God Bless

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Kristin On Saturday, March 2 at 10:29 am

YES, YES,YES!! All the research shows that preschool helps all kids get the head start that they need for social and academic needs. However, as a parent with a child who wasn’t diagnosed with high functioning autism until age 6, I can tell you that early preschool was the very best thing we ever did for him! We were told that he had “developmental delays” that we learned later is the school way of saying a diagnosis they can’t say. He flourished in the preschool program and I cringe to think how far he would be behind if we hadn’t done it. He learned to participate with a group, communicate general wants and needs, expectations in a school setting, how to play one-on-one with friends, I could go on forever. They even started pre-reading skills with letter sounds that he needed. They also had him in speech to help with the verbal issues that come with Autism. I cannot tell you enough how important it is to reach them early. Best of luck with your son!

Kelly L On Tuesday, March 5 at 6:47 pm

Yes, all the research says it gets them ahead…until 3rd grade when it all becomes equal with those who did not have it. I’m sure many have benefited from it, but just as many have not. I will never believe that the best teacher and worker for a child is not their parents. Parents teach their child how to talk and behave. Parents are teachers, we do not need to give the authority to teach our kids to others.

I’m sure others have already said this, so I’ll just reiterate: every child and every school is different. There are no hard and fast rules with any educational equation, especially with disability in the picture.

What the district wants to do with your child is to have a place for his therapies. If you think it’s a fit – you like the school, you think the choice of therapists, etc is good, then sign the IEP and have that all in place. But if you don’t, then see what YOU think is best for your child and have that placed in the IEP. The IEP is really important – it’s your legal agreement with the state.

(DREDF is a good site for more info on that, btw, if you need it (dredf.org))

In my case, the school district was telling me to place my daughter in an special needs class. This wouldn’t be beneficial to her at ALL as she learns by doing and so needs kids that are ahead of her to imitate and learn from. I requested Motessori. If we were to actually stay here, I’d demand that, have it placed in her IEP, then while we would need to pay the tuition for Montessori, the state could provide my daughter with aids and have the therapists come to the school.

Does any of that make sense? Feel free to email me if you need more info.You can find my email and contact info off of my blog (www.withalittlemoxie.com.

Good luck!

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Ashli On Saturday, March 2 at 10:38 am

Last year, I taught (as the special education teacher) in an early intervention program, that included a class for children with autism spectrum disorders. Based on that experience, I truly believe that if you have access to a good early intervention program, it could be life changing for your child. That being said, I also know that our program was unique. So be sure to ask a lot of questions…..ask about what they do in the classroom, what therapies he will have access to, how they handle inappropriate behaviors, and what background the teachers and aides have with children with autism. Also ask what they will be doing to teach him how to be social. For many children with autism, those social cues must be taught by the SLP (speech language pathologist), SpEd teachers, and even OT (occupational therapist.) Another big question I would ask would be if they have an open door policy. While we encouraged parents to be active participants in their child’s education and development, I have heard of too many schools that don’t encourage this, and some who even discourage a parent’s presence at school. The other thing that we encouraged our parents to do was to find other parent’s in the area who were facing the same situation or who have faced it before. Talk to them and ask them lots of questions about the school and what their experiences were. More often than not, they will have great advice, from a parent’s perspective, regarding the help that you can get in your area that no one else can get.

I haven’t read any of the above comments, so please excuse any repetition. A lot depends on what type of program you school system offers (and what really happens there vs. what is on paper).

I taught in the local public schools for many years, and my husband is on the school board. I have had kids in the public schools and home schooled them, some with special needs, so I am quite familiar with a lot of the goings-on.

In our district, there is a terrific agency that offers services, both in your home and in a sort of preschool setting (with varying numbers of days), for children with all types of mental and physical challenges, up to age three. When I did foster care, we had them come to our home for a number of children. At age three, you are told you have to transfer to the public school’s preschool program, 4 days a week, in order for your child to continue receiving services. That is not entirely true, itself – most insurances will pay for private therapy if it is deemed necessary.

We had one child, autistic, who went to the public school preschool program for the better part of a year. The schedule was very confusing to him – Monday (unless it was a holiday), Tuesday, not on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (unless it was a holiday). For a child who stressed out about changes to his routine, that was a nightmare! On paper, the program was supposed to teach the usual preschool skills, as well as social skills. I observed a few times, and what I saw was a lot of lessons that were PRESENTED, but not actually taught. In other words, if the kids didn’t pick it up, there was nothing to address that individually – despite this being a small, special-ed classroom with a teacher and two aides! At the end of the year, he still didn’t know his colors. I finally pulled him, and within a week of fun games at home, he knew them and so much more. I did not see him picking up any positive social skills there – playing with his siblings at home and friends at the park or library was so much more effective. (Really – are the behaviors exhibited at a public school the ones you WANT him to emulate?!)

Mostly, I would say listen to your doctor’s advice, mull it over, but rely most heavily on your gut instinct. You will probably have a long road ahead of you, of people criticizing your decisions and making you doubt yourself, so get that firmly planted in your mind now: YOU are the Mommy, YOU are in charge, and YOU will listen to all advice and make the best decision in the end.

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HighPlainsMom On Saturday, March 2 at 10:56 am

Sending my firstborn son (original diagnosis PDD-NOS, then Aspergers) off to Headstart Preschool at the age of three was one of the hardest things and best things I have ever done.

The people who have worked with him along the way were all highly trained, well educated and deeply devoted to their students. My husband and I were involved in every decision (through the IEP) and were always connected via phone call or teleconference if something came up on the fly.

I won’t elaborate on the specifics (since you’ve gotten a lot of that already) except to say that my child didn’t talk, make meaningful eye contact or have the slightest idea about interacting socially with peers when he began school. We saw such gains in his first year of preschool that we held him back and repeated it. He is now 15 years old and a freshman in high school. He is fully mainstreamed and an honor roll student. There have been many, many, MANY bumps along the way and he is still pretty clueless about social inferences but he is happy and friendly and continues to be supported by an IEP.

My tendency to protect/shelter my son from pain told me to keep him out of school but I really don’t think he would be where he is today without it. We also started play therapy, music therapy and speech therapy very early and continue with the same play therapist today although it is more talking now. The local university also offers a guided social skills group for kids with ASD to get together and practice.

My son loves school. I can’t imagine where we would be without having taken this path.

Good luck to you.

Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 11:34 am

Your post gives me such hope, thank you!

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Eli On Saturday, March 2 at 11:02 am

My oldest child is high functioning autistic. At age three when he went to preschool he could not verbalize if he wanted a cookie or a cracker. He has such a huge heart and thankfully we were so connected since birth I could meet his needs. I do not possess the tools to figure out how to reach his language centers. Our local special Ed preschool changed our life! His teachers were angels that figured out what I could not. I was consistent in continuing to work at home with him. Of course, I went with him at first as long as he required to trust the environment. There were days he lasted 15 minutes and others the three hours. I insisted on transitioning immediately after his 0-3 program because I did not want the gap to grow.

How thankful I am!! Those teachers are still in our lives. He thrived at school and the routines reached parts of him I did not see before. We opted for special kindergarten to ease his transition. By age 6 he was ready for a traditional classroom with the option of services as needed. Much of our experience has to so with the people and school providing the program. We have had atypical, phenomenal progress. People say “oh, I couldn’t tell he has autism”. They haven’t seen the work at home or school. I went every day to follow up and work as a team. We still work. He has hard days where his eyes glaze over and I wonder if more advanced grades will be as successful. Yet, right now, he is academically advanced and learning the socialization I hoped for him. Our preschool program prepared him for his success right now.

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Larraine On Saturday, March 2 at 11:06 am

I’m 65 and my son is now nearly 34. Even as a baby, he was very bright and interested in everything. He never displayed any particular learning disabilities. However, I started him in preschool before he was two. It was only a half day a few days a week, but I knew he needed socialization which was my goal. He went to a Montessori preschool which I loved. He had a tendency as he got older to be more inner-directed, and I wanted to make sure that he would be able to deal with other kids who weren’t as bright as he was. I know that sounds snobbish, but he really was exceptionally bright as a baby. However, I also know that you can’t just train one part of a person. The whole person has to be trained. As for kids with problems, ABSOLUTELY early intervention – the earlier the better.

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Heather B. On Saturday, March 2 at 11:09 am

I am a preschool director and I have a three year old with autism. I was very nervous about putting my little girl in an early preschool setting with a larger group of children. I was worried that the teachers would not be able to meet her needs effectively. However, I am so glad that I put her in a program early. She has learned so much from the group in terms of social skills and her language has improved dramatically. In fact, she has made such great progress that for the next school year I will be taking her with me to the private school where I work. I never thought that it would be possible for her to be mainstreamed, but thanks to a great program with dedicated teachers, it has been made possible. Continued, early intervention is important. Temple Grandin recognized that her success came from being pushed to reach her maximum potential from a young age. So I definitely believe there needs to be some sort of social and academic program in place outside of the home. The early social training will be priceless. However, as a parent, you need to be comfortable and knowledgeable about the program and how to help at home. I would find out as much as you can about the program and begin developing relationships with your child’s teachers. This partnership will set the foundation for academic and social success for your child.

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Adrienne K On Saturday, March 2 at 11:28 am

Yes. I am a Special Ed teacher and I believe early intervention is really crucial.

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Bonnie On Saturday, March 2 at 11:37 am

I have a now 9 year old son who as an infant had SEVERE reflux. It caused developmental delays among other problems. To make a very long story short, we did participate in the options available from the state prior to age 3. At 3, we chose to send him to an early childhood program that provided speech and occupational therapy. Was it easy to put my last and youngest child in a car seat on a bus and send him to school at the age of 3? Absolutely not! I’ll admit that I was feeling sorry for myself as he is my youngest and last child and I was looking forward to those years with him at home with me. I also knew that our family couldn’t provide him with all of the services he needed. We gave Early Childhood Intervention a try and I am so glad we did! Through the experts in the school district and their knowledge along with our Pediatrician, we learned so much. I firmly believe we would’ve otherwise not been able to put so much information together to advocate for our child in a timely manner. Yes, personal situations and diagnosis are different, and yet, in addition to my personal experiences I am a neonatal nurse. So many families return to the unit to visit years later. We’ve heard many wonderful stories over and over from families who have chosen early intervention for their child. The combination of services through the state, school district, doctors and the very important support of parents that work intentionally with their children, I believe helps children with a varying degree of health and personal challenges get the best start possible in life! I hope the best for you and your family through the decisions you’ll be making!

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Joanna G On Saturday, March 2 at 11:50 am

This is a long answer because I will share my story, but the bottom line is that I can say from experience — trust your instincts, you know what is best for your child. My son was in easrly intervention from birth due to many medical issues and developmental delays. We transitioned to preschool on his third birthday — midyear in December — and to do that we had to be placed in the Early Chidlhood program, which is a special ed program. We did this because he needed intense speech and physical therapy and by going through the district we could avoid the cost of getting those services seperately — which was something we could not afford. It was a long semester — I did not feel he benefited from the special ed classroom — indeed, I think he was hindered by it. Academically, he is at a kindergarten level and we did not feel he would be at all challeneged — other than emotionally because he hated it — in the special ed class. However, he refused to interact with the other kids — even on the playground — and would not slef-start playtime unless the teacher told him what to go play with (he wouldn’t just go voer and choose what he wanted to do). He was doing these things at home, so we felt it was just the class environment that was the issue. I spoke at length with my husband’s aunt who taught special Ed for decades and she told me to trust my instincts, that schools sometimes have another agenda and to push for what we felt was right. When it came time for the next year of classes we demanded a regular classroom — were met with resistance (he’s not ready, he doesn’t interact with other kids, he will be overwhelmed and lost in a bigger group). We had an IEP meeitng (individual education plan) demanded he be moved and made two concessions (1) he would have social interaction services a couple times a week where an adult comes in to help him play with others and (2) we would reevaluate his situation atfter the first quarter. Well, he flourished — and the adult play helper actually stopped (with our enthusiatic persmission) early because she felt she was more a hinderance than a help. I think all the teachers had the best interests of Matt at heart, but they were pushy because they didn’t trust we knew what we were doing. We are educated about my son’s condition and our instincts said he would be fine. We were right in the end. You will be too. Trust your instincts.

JOanna G On Saturday, March 2 at 11:58 am

I just remembered that our school has a drop in program where you can bring in your child a few times a week to play/socialize with other kids — that might be a good stepping stone if your school offers such a program. (also –oy! the spelling above! sorry!

Tina C On Saturday, March 2 at 11:59 am

My son Caleb has been diagnosed with just not speaking at this time. He is not autistic we had him tested. He however has been in the preschool program through the state now, here in Idaho,since he turned three and he is just now four so one full school year worth of school. It has done him wonders. Your doctor is right when he says that it’s good for him to socialize with other children. Because Caleb has been in this program his socialization skills has improved immensely and he’s actually starting to fully talk which when we first started the program we weren’t sure if that was ever going to happen. He’s able to be in a language rich environment which allows him to hear words to see how people use the words and the teachers are very good at making sure that they talk in show when explain everything they’re doing and the children there with similar abilities as him and some have possibly just small issues maybe they don’t talk maybe they’re austisic ormaybe they have issues with putting a puzzle together but they speak and commuicate just fine. It’s an environment that hopefully will let them learn and grow. My son has had progress With talking and on top of that he not only is starting to talk but he knows his ABCs and 123’s and is able to put buttons together tie his shoes things that “normal”children learn in regular preschool. They have been working on them recognizing their own name spelled and how to spell it themselves. It does not hold them back or I feel cause them to not develop normally.

SusanP in ON On Saturday, March 2 at 11:59 am

I can’t actually advise in this situation but my first thought is “trust YOUR gut instincts”, most times the mama does know best. From what I have read the US system of early intervention is a completely different from what is (or is not) in Canada so I’m not even familiar with what “early intervention” entails. Perhaps doing research as to just what will be offered will help you decide.

What I do know is that I never considered a large group of my children’s peers, at any age, the best means of socialization! If that is the key factor in choosing “school” I’d need more convincing!!!

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Rachel in Texas On Saturday, March 2 at 12:11 pm

I highly suggest you check out timberdoodle.com They have excellent resources for your very special child. I strongly believe that 1 on 1 is the best ratio there is! I don’t know that being around other children is what makes a child properly “socialized”. You are the mother, no matter what anyone says, you DO know what your child needs better than anyone. That may be intervention from an outside source, or it might be learning what you need to do and doing it.
Watch the movie “Temple Grandin” before you make another decision.

I have 3 ADHD – kids and adult – in my household. My kids attended the public schools. I would say it probably wasn’t the best choice for my kids, but we couldn’t afford private school, and I was not up to the idea of home schooling. I think that if your child has a moderate or less severe form of autism that public school might be a good choice for you. I think you would need to make that choice based on your instincts as a parent (as others have commented). I would recommend early intervention as a start. You can always pull out of the program if it doesn’t seem to be working out for your child. I think we are lucky in the U.S. to have these options, as I have a friend who lives in Switzerland, and there are not as many choices in these countries for children with learning disabilities, Autism, ADHD, and more.

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Rachel On Saturday, March 2 at 12:15 pm

I personally work with frequently with kids who have some form of developmental disabilities. My personal experience is when it comes to kids with any form of Autism, the early you have them interacting with other children on a very regular basis, the easier it will be for them to interact with people teenagers and young adults. Now if you can provide for your child that very important very regular interaction with other children while homeschooling, or avoiding preschool another year; then give it a try. You can always enroll him into preschool later. However, I do think you need to be honest as a parent, and if you can’t provide that highly regular interaction with children then preschool is the best option.

Erin,
If you have a university close by, ask you physician to refer your child to the early childhood department for evaluation. They can have an early childhood specialist evaluate one on one.
I’m not sure if this has been done or not. On some state’s websites you maybe able to search for information on what your state is required to do also. It’s hard to know what to do. Every child is his/her own individual. I recently saw a commercial on TV where a pet had helped an autistic child. I also know that some autistic children do well communicating on a computer. (Former Apple project at a local university in the childhood development dept.) Also, you might want to check with your school district’s Regional Superintendent office to see what is available in the public schools in your area. Also, if you can go and visit the preschool, more than once to get a feel on how they handle the children there. Hope this helps.

Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 2:27 pm

We have had him evaluated with a child psychologist (it was an extensive 6 month process) and we are working with the school system now and just completed our evaluation with them on Friday. Thank you very much for your advice

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Susan On Saturday, March 2 at 12:24 pm

As a mom of a special needs daughter (not autistic) and an aunt of a nephew with autisim I would say enroll your child in as many services that you can, as long as they are good, safe, helpful programs. Our kids are now 18 and 16 and I wish I would have been more aggressive in getting my daughter more services. My sister-in-law fought her school district every step of the way and ended up getting them to pay for private at-home therapy for her son for several years. She also got them to pay for piano lessons. Talk to everyone parent you can that is going through this, or has gone through this, in your area. Some states like to keep services hidden and you really have to dig and find out for yourself what is out there. Good luck!

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Cal's Gal On Saturday, March 2 at 12:35 pm

I have a daughter with developmental delays, and I wish I had entered her in an early childhood intervention program. She is now older and has been getting much more social time and has made progress. I went with my fears- don’t be like me. Yes, be aware, and be involved, and don’t be afraid to take him out if it isn’t right for him. I would also like to recommend a book, Healing the New Childhood Epidemics, by Kenneth Bock, M.D. There are other things you can do for autism, and this book outlines some of them: diet, supplements, etc. I just found this book through my local library and intend to start using it now.

We have our son on a very strict grain free, dairy free, egg free diet. We have seen improvements in his behavior as a result. Use caution with the supplements as the stuff that you tend to buy from a commercial retailer isn’t the best thing. We get ours from a biomedical doctor. I hope the changes to your child’s diet help!

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Dee On Saturday, March 2 at 12:36 pm

Our youngest daughter started public preschool when she was three years old. Student teacher ratio was 6 to 3. She tested low in language, processing and speech development at the time. She needed help with socialization as well. There were some tough days, but she thrived and learned in this environment. She did Kindergarten in a small resource class and repeated kindergarten in a regular classroom. By second grade it was obvious that the regular classroom all day was too stressful for her. She was pulled out for reading and math into a small resource class. She was put in a very special language program (public system still) for two years third and fourth grade with the single purpose of teaching her to read. Student teacher ration 6 to 2. She did learn to read, some didn’t. Regular class with resource class for math and reading 5th grade. Team taught classes in middle school with resource for math and reading. Team taught high school with extra resource for math. Graduating early with a 3.7 gpa.

Lesson learned – The public school system was unbelievable for our daughter. We partnered on all the decisions and we always were reevaluating where she was, what she needed and how to leverage the resources available. I was her biggest advocate and learned so much on the journey, but I could not have done it without all the experts who helped us and always worked for the best interest of our daughter. It is a hard and at many times a very stressful journey, but she is ours and she has made us incredibly proud.

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Dana Smith On Saturday, March 2 at 12:44 pm

I am a special education teacher and I don’t think a child with Autism learns to play with others by being around children. Listen to what your heart tells you. You are his mother and you must do what you feel to be the best thing for him. That being said, there are many very good teachers out there who will do an excellent job training your child to interact appropriately with others. I pray that you find one for your son.

Colleen On Saturday, March 2 at 12:49 pm

My son was diagnosed with a severe speech delay at age 2 and as he has grown it is apparent that he has additional developmental delays though no diagnosis. We also struggled with the decision you’re making and decided to try the district preschool. It has been wonderful. The teachers, aides, and therapists have training I don’t possess and he has flourished with them. He receives OT and speech and the socialization with peers has been wonderful for him. He is now 5 and for us it was the right decision. That being said, remember you can always change your mind. If you decide the preschool isn’t right for him, he doesn’t have to stay. As mothers, I think we know better than anyone what is best for our children and you have to trust that instinct.

Denise On Saturday, March 2 at 1:12 pm

A pediatric OT here and a momma to three. Here is my advice to parents who ask me: you don’t know until you try. Be aware, be involved, ask questions and communicate but try. Like all things schools, therapists, teAchers and parents there is a spectrum of skill a d personalities galore. You will know if it is the best thing for your child as time goes. I also tell parents sometimes a break from each other helps to make things move faster as well.

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Sarah K On Saturday, March 2 at 1:41 pm

My son needed early intervention which he started at two and then they encouraged preschool at 3. My son’s experience has been incredible, my son receives speech, OT, DT and has amazing teachers that are great with feedback and collaboration. I receive regular progress reports from all of his teachers and they are all willing to email or speak in person whenever I ask. My son is now 4 and a half and though I agree with some comments that he would have progressed without school, I know he’s made huge strides because of the help and guidance given. He’s also willing to do whatever they ask and will work harder for his teachers at every request, where he is more willing to fight me. We also can not afford private schooling, but I truly believe we are missing nothing, he gets everything he needs.

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Jamileh On Saturday, March 2 at 1:44 pm

Wow! I didn’t realize there would be SO many responses. Anyone (Leah, Erin, others) who are seeking advice as to what you should do with your autistic child…you may have to print all these responses and make a list of things to take into consideration. I have a son who has high functioning autism, however it wasn’t always that way though. My son is now 17 yrs. old and we’ve been through a number of things with him. First and foremost you must trust your instincts…your gut. You are his mother and you know your child better than anyone. Don’t let anyone tell you different!

Shortly after our son’s 2nd birthday we knew something was wrong but we didn’t know what. He is our 3rd child so I knew (in comparison to our 2 older children) that our son definitely wasn’t where he should be developmentally. I figured putting him in preschool would help. We visited several preschools in our area however all the directors of these various preschools kept telling me he was developmentally delayed so preschool wasn’t the place for him. At first I was offended like they were telling me my son wasn’t good enough. That wasn’t it at all. They were looking out for him…so thankful to them. Anyway, we were told of a government run school there in our town that specializes in early intervention for children who are developmentally delayed. I have no problem telling everyone that the name of this school is STRIDE and it’s located in Cheyenne, WY. Our son was there for approximately 2 years and they did wonders with him! I am forever grateful that they were there. I wouldn’t have known what to do otherwise. Their class sizes were very small and they had 2-3 well trained and caring teachers/aids to every class. Every class was broken down to what the child’s delays and diagnosis were. Autistic children in one class, down syndrome children in another class etc. They taught him very basic things that we struggled to teach him at home like brushing his teeth. When our son started the school he was hyperactive and non verbal. After 2 yrs. he was speaking in 3 word sentences, his hyperactivity was gone and he was a more functional child. They used a combination of ABA as well as truly teaching him how to do for himself.

Things for you to consider. Does this preschool have small class sizes and are the teachers and aids TRULY trained and EXPERIENCED in how to teach and deal with a child who has autism. If your child truly has autism your child WILL NOT learn how to socialize with other children by putting him/her in preschool. Children with autism process things MUCH differently than we do. You can’t just stick them somewhere and hope for the best. Me personally, I wouldn’t (and didn’t) put my child in a random regular run of the mill preschool. Mom’s…if you’re not comfortable with something in regards to your children whether or not they have autism then take that feeling seriously. DON’T ALLOW OTHERS TO DICTATE WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD. YOU ARE THE PARENT AND YOU KNOW BEST…YOU HAVE THE POWER AND CAN’T BE MADE TO DO AS OTHERS DICTATE! IT’S OK TO HAVE BOUNDARIES WITH DOCTORS, TEACHERS ETC…YOU KNOW BEST! If it doesn’t sound right, it probably isn’t. Read and do lots of research before making a decision. Your children are young…you have time…there is NO rush!

Our son went from STRIDE to being homeschooled. We chose homeschool after talking with staff at the school he would’ve been going to. They said they didn’t know what to do with him so they would probably put him in a corner of the room with some toys and a tv. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. The other reason we decided to homeschool was at the time our son had a habit of wandering off in the blink of an eye. He would be there one minute and gone the next so it was VITAL that he was well looked after. Toys and a tv weren’t going to keep this from happening.

Our son is now 17 years old and he is thriving. He is fully functional but that is because we have taken the time to TEACH him how to do things for himself. He can make his own bed, do simple cooking on the stove and the microwave and SO much more. We have been in charge of how, when, where and with whom our son socializes. Socialization is a SMALL part of the MANY things your child needs to learn. We have slowly put our son in social situations like church, small homeschool groups, and then a couple of years ago Special Olympics. Special Olympics is where he really came out of his shell. It was amazing! I even got involved and coached his bowling and basketball team. When you enter this world, you are forever changed! A few months ago our son started volunteering at the library on base. He has learned SO much and the staff has been beyond great with him! They just love him and he loves volunteering as the library is his favorite place to be.

I am sorry this is so long. It’s hard to sum things up. Maybe I should just write a book! Moms…just know that you are your child’s biggest support and you are the only one who can champion your child’s cause! Please don’t hesitate to ask more questions and seek out proper support and care for your child.

Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 2:21 pm

Thank you for your post is there any reading you would specifically recommend? I have so many books but I am always eager to learn more. I am hoping to begin some of the self sufficient learning with my child but I honestly don’t know how to approach it. Thank you!

Sandy On Sunday, March 3 at 5:26 pm

This is one of the best posts I have read (better than my original post). She is absolutely correct that you must trust your instincts and follow your son’s lead. My son is also turning 17 this month, but he was my first so it took me awhile to stumble upon this wisdom myself. He was diagnosed at age 4 and attended an early intervention preschool, but one that integrated “neuro-typical” children who despite his diagnosis with Autism are his peers based on verbal and cognitive ability. Then he attended Kindergarten at our local neighborhood school but soon in became apparent that he would require a 1:1 aide. This was not their first choice, however and I had to fight for this “luxury”. The first and most economical solution for many school districts is to place children in a self-contained special education classroom which often has a variety of children with vastly different functioning levels and disabilities. I sought out a group who provided education and also paid parent partners who would actually accompany me to my IEP meetings with the school. They taught me so much about advocating for my son and our family. They were very helpful in attaining the 1:1 my “instincts” told me was the best solution, but not before some of the other IEP members offered up some strong resistence and even suggested that I was not “qualified” to make these kinds of decisions. You are and will always be his most important advocate and do not let others intimidate or minimize your voice in his education/social program. Any program wether it is public or private should be transparent and welcome your input as a team member. You are a member of his IEP team when he is older and you are the foremost expert and representative. He continued on in mainstream with a 1:1 until about 3rd grade and then he was able to attend mainstream solo with occassional trips to a behavioral support room. When he felt stressed out, or something was bothering him he was allowed to take his work into this quiet and supportive environment, this is never used as a penalty because then it would lose its value to him as a way of self-regulating his behavior. I can also not say enough about the postive behavioral support chart and reward system that followed him through this whole experience. Many people bash ABA and reward systems as dog-training which is really selling this system short. When we have a job we get a paycheck which allows us to purchase or support things for a lifestyle that is meaningful to us…if your boss is not happy with your performance and says he will dock your paycheck is this an incentive that makes you want to work harder? I think not, it probably makes you want to tell him to shove it. Most school discipline is based on the theory that this boss would have us employ…we get in trouble, we lose something and we don’t get it back until we comply. Most kids out of social pressure, get worn down by this system and happily fall into this herd like mentality. Kids with Autism don’t care what the herd is doing and will quite quickly tell the boss to shove it, and taking more things away simply digs a deeper and even less motivating hole for them. With postive behavioral incentive programs you are rewarding good behavior. Some kids can only comply with simple step by step requests at first (perhaps even a few seconds apart) but gradually as each step is rewarded more and more compliance is gained and eventually the rewards can be delayed for more steps completed. My son started like Scooby-Doo and at first I have to admit it looked like dog training, but when I saw him sit and complete school work I was ready to go out and buy a whole pantry full of snacks for his assistant. It didn’t stay this way for long, and gradually we weaned him to non-food related rewards. He eventually had a chart with little pictures with velcro backs. He would attach a picture of what he was working towards at the top of the chart…it was always something he loved like 10 minutes of computer time, or helping to organize the books in class…the key was making it meaningful to him. Then the tasks were able to be written into the bottom of the chart…in the beginning we used pictures and when he could read we would write his schedule. If he was having a hard day, then the requests were broken out into small steps on the bottom of his chart. This was with him all day at his desk and eventually he would check steps off himself and then let his aide know when he was done and then enjoy his reward. By 3rd grade he no longer needed his aide and by 5th grade I would have dared anyone new walking into the classroom to notice he was any different from anyone else in the classroom. As my husband and I sat congratulating ourselves about a job well done, junior high happened. It was a nightmare…there is so much transition and stress changing from classroom to classroom with different routines, faces, and rules in each one it really caused him alot of stress. He kept it together for the most part, but he spent the first three periods in shell shock and his academics began to suffer. He found it difficult to take notes and would miss key information and the teachers in junior high were really not capable or willing to take extra time to keep an eye on him. We considered getting another aide, but thought it might be socially regressive for him. We decided to homeschool him and utilized a state funded charter school curriculum which turned out to be his thing. The lessons are mostly online and are very visual, they can be played back in case he misses a key point and most of the quizes and tests are taken online at the end of each topic and module. It is very sequential and he has assignment calendars which remind him what to do next in each class…it is almost like his old positive behavioral incentive charts. He’s now a junior and he’s been on honor roll for the last two years. He has built several computers and is our neighborhood go-to tech guru…he’s made several hundred dollars for helping neighbors with everything from cleaning up their hard drives, to consulting on what kind of hardware to buy and also installing and setting up their new systems for them. He was also accepted to a technology trade school campus where he studies Information Technology and receives joint high school and college credit. When he graduates from this program he will have a high school diploma and 25 college credits. I think the most important thing we’ve fought for him and supported him in such a way that we preserved his self-esteem so that he could go on to do the things he enjoys with confidence.

Rhonda On Saturday, March 2 at 1:50 pm

Since I’m comment #53 you’ll probably never see this, but I HIGHLY recommend looking into RDI Relationship Development Intervention. If your child does not have Early relationship milestones in place, NO preschool will make a huge difference. I have a 17 year old with ASD, I know of what I speak. God Bless

I am reading it, actually! I had no idea that people would have so much to say. Thanks!

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Yvette On Saturday, March 2 at 2:03 pm

I have two autistic grand nephews (twin boys now in their early twenties). One remains severly disabled and will be dependent on care for all of his life. He is physically large and when angry, difficult to manage. The other is self sufficient and holds a job. Each went to schools and other facilities that responded to their specific needs. It seems to me that public help is important for several reasons – to provide to the parents respite from day to day care and hopefully remain current with treatment, therapies, etc. But perhaps, more importantly, the child needs to learn about and adapt to separation from their parental environmental. This may not seem to be an important factor to consider for parents whose child is still very young and relatively easy to manage. However, the reality is that some will grow into adulthood remaining dependent. Also, parents need to consider that their child may outlive them. If there is no alternative, that child will, most likely be placed in a foster or group home. Give the child the learning experience of being separated. In any event, dealing with special needs children is not a nine to five job for anyone – it takes a village twenty-four seven. Prayers to all.

Scooby On Saturday, March 2 at 2:04 pm

sam On Saturday, March 2 at 2:06 pm

I have not read all the other responses so someone may have already given a similar point of view. I home schooled all four of my kids until they went to high school and when my youngest started hs, I started working as a paraprofessinal in our local school districts preschool program. Specifically, a preschool for children with ASD. Our class size was limited to eight students and we had a teacher, plus at least four other paras in the classroom at all times depending on IEPs. We had an OT and ST come in multiple times per week to work with the kids, as well as being trained to help assess their sensory needs and how to work with them every step of the way. If you are being encouraged to enroll your child in a similar program, I say do it. If your school district does not have this type of program check nearby districts to see if they do. We live in small town USA, population 11,000, so this is not a program only found in larger areas. Children from other districts are bussed, by their home district, to our program if we have space available. I have seen first hand the remarkable strides early intervention can help with, we get kids who are just over two sometimes. However, if they are talking of a regular preschool program I do not see the point. I cannot imagine any of our kiddos making it in a regular classroom. Also, sadly, our program only goes through pre-school. I have seen some kids with amazing, very involved parents mainstreamed with good results but unfortunately, that is not usually the case. If I had a child with ASD, I would put them in a specialized early intervention preschool program but would not hesitate to pull them if their needs cannot be met in the older grades. No matter what you decide, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you navigate this new path.

Thank you, Sam. We’ve met one of the preschool teachers (not in our district) and she is quite knowledgeable. The class size, however, is too large for one teacher and two aides. There are pros and cons to everything!

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Heather hunt On Saturday, March 2 at 2:07 pm

I have my Masters degree in special Ed. YES yes yes , DO get into early intervention ASAP! It can really make a difference in social skills!

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Kristina On Saturday, March 2 at 2:17 pm

Hi I was reading the question on pioneer womans blog and I say YES!!!! I have a son who just turned 4 and he started the preschool in our hometown this past september and as a parent of a child who has major sensory issues and is non verbal along with needing early intervention for speech, OT, etc he has early intervention come to see him 3x a week at the school and let me tell you all the lil kiddos help issac with getting a table set up for him and his early intervention therapist and they participate with him when asked to during the sessions. It has been a wonderful and blessed thing for Issac to start preschool he is trying harder everyday to try and speak and adapt to the enviornment. He gets up in the morning and is super excited to go to school. It has helped our son in more ways than i can ever say. He looks forward to everyday and really he has started to come out of his shell and as a mother that is the greatest feeling in the world! Best wishes and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Erin On Saturday, March 2 at 2:25 pm

Thank you so much for your perspective! My child is also a completely nonverbal PDD-NOS, we do not have the severe sensory issues though but it is one of the reasons I am so apprehensive but your comment is reassuring, so thanks again

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Liesl On Saturday, March 2 at 3:32 pm

Leah–I’m a speech therapist and I work with children just like your son. I provide Birth to 3 services as well as working with older school-aged children, and have been the person who tells a parent “I think there’s more going on here than just a language delay…” I would highly recommend that you consider the school’s option. First of all, it won’t be regular “preschool”. Your child will be in an Early Childhood special education class with other children who have special needs–there’s a BIG difference. He’ll have an IEP that has goals and objectives individually designed for him. He’ll have access to speech and OT, which are very important for kids on the autism spectrum. You’ll find that it can be difficult to receive those services outside of the school once your child is school aged, as medical insurance often won’t cover it–I say that from experience because I work in an outpatient clinic and deal with insurance on a daily basis. Early Childhood programs serve special education students aged 3 to 6 who need more support than they can receive in a regular education classroom. Every year, they’ll reassess where your son is placed, and whether he still needs to be in a special classroom or can join his peers in a regular education classroom with accomodations and support.
In scrolling through the comments, I can see there has been some discussion about ABA therapy, and I would recommend you consider that in addition to school placement. ABA therapy works to break down daily tasks into very small steps that can be trained and shaped. Many children with autism have a hard time learning to do even the most routine daily tasks because they lack recognition of “why” they need to do it, and don’t respond to the social cues that most children learn from. ABA therapy reinforces small steps to shape larger behaviors, like toileting, self-dressing, attention to people and tasks, etc. It can be a very worthwhile thing, depending on where your son’s at on the spectrum.
Hope this helps! You’re just starting the journey. Get lots of help and lots of support & encouragement!

As a Specialeducater I would recommend that the child have intervential help. It is a good help to the child to be around children to help socialize your child. I am apparent of a gifted deaf child that was put in preschool at at 19 months. I not only found out she has a photograph memory butan I Q of 145. I also found out She connected with kids around herage and picked up language faster. I think attending school can help connect your child withher/his lack of socializing .

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Nichole A. On Saturday, March 2 at 3:45 pm

My daughter is now 11 and has had quite a few “challenges” in her young life. Early intervention preschool was a great program for us. My daughter was able to learn the routine of school at a young age and had OT and PT services right there in class. It was also a great time for me to get to know moms in our area who’s kiddos have special needs too. We moms learned a lot over those years and it has been fun seeing each other throughout the years as our kids have grown.

The best of luck with your decision. You will know in your heart and gut what is best for your family

Hi! My family was in a similar situation. My son was diagnosed with autism just a month before his third birthday. A spot became available at the public PCD class (Preschool Child with Disabilities) for him and we did put him in preschool. We also did 25 hours of ABA therapy in our home when he wasn’t in preschool. For Jayce, it was a positive experience. It helped him to have the structure and routine of a classroom. It helped him learn to play with toys. It helped him learn to play with other kids.

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Cathy S On Saturday, March 2 at 4:47 pm

As a spec ed teacher who worked with a number of children diagnosed with some form of autism, I’d say three things: 1. Educate yourself–read, talk and listen to other parents’ comments. 2. Remember, no matter what the experts say, YOU are always your child’s BEST advocate. And, you always will be. 3. Early intervention with a child struggling developmentally or socially is usually one of the most beneficial things you as a parent can do. Yes, school is fundamentally about academics, but a huge part of it is social. The more experiences and interventions with capable, caring adults, the better for the child.
My humble opinion.

My daughter has autistic like behaviors. The early stages of schooling was wonderful. She got to interact with other kids her ages. Plus, other adults as well. Plus, it gave me a chances as a parent to meet other parents with children of special needs. Then over the years it now has gotten harder. My daughter 19 now. Has been bounced around due to the school district. Maybe when your child gets older. Do homeschooling. But right now. Have him/her interact. Also, depending on your state of what their funding is like too.

I know it is hard to think about sending your 3 year old to preschool in a public school setting, but I think you should, especially if your options are limited. I taught an early intervention class on a university campus (it was considered a public school) for 4 years and we took children as young as 18 months. I was constantly amazed at the progress I saw and I have been a special education teacher in public schools for 30 years. Go visit the class and ask questions. Do they have any typical peers in the class? What is their daily routine? Can he go 3 days a week or does he have to go all 5. (I recommend 5, but some parents prefer to start gradually). You know your child so it will be important for you to educate yourself, ask questions and work with the school and teachers to devise the best plan for your son. Remember there is no such thing as a dumb question and often if a parent asks for something it will happen, but a school cannot recommend it. (That depends on the district’s policies.) And be sure to share information you get from doctors and outside therapists with the school. If you have a therapist you are working with or someone else you trust with knowledge of your child and his diagnosis, don’t hesitate to take them to any school meetings about your son. Whatever your decision is, it will be a good one. You have already taken 2 important steps. You have gotten a diagnosis and you have reached out for help.

BeenThereDoneThat On Saturday, March 2 at 5:41 pm

Well, I have been there Leah A !

#1 Our first born was diagnosed as a one year old with “neurological deficiencies”…non-specific…I now know it is Asburger’s Syndrome….but who cares “what its name is”…no two children are exactly the same anyway.

#2 Our Early Intervention started at age 2…in a program in Michigan. They tested her continuously for progress.

#3 At 3 years old, we moved to Iowa. They have excellent Special Education in that state. She was enrolled in a Pre-School “special education” program. The 2-1 or 3-1 ratio of teacher/teacher’s aides to student. She, also, had speech therapy during her time there.

#4 Our child attended this Pre-School Special Education program…3-6 years -our child turned six in April. We enrolled our child half days in a regular pre-school for the last year. At our child’s “exit” evaluation from the Special Education program, all the teachers and administrators determined our child would NEVER be in a regular classroom.

#5 Guess what? We pulled our child out of public school, enrolled our child in a private school for Kindergarten through Second Grade. Our child passed every class successfully! No failures. Math is our child’s toughest subject. Our child has “Dyscalculia”…the Dyslexia equivilent is to reading, Dyscalculia is to math. Difficulty with simple math, money, time, spacial.

#6 At 3rd Grade, we enrolled our child in public school for 1 semester, then we decided to pull all of our children -3rd grade, 2nd grade and pre-school out of the public school and “homeschool” them all.

#7 Always, the Asparger’s Syndrome was an issue. Our child was “very outgoing” in an awkward way, was never really “accepted”…but thankfully, our child was resilient and just kept trying without hurt feelings….

#8 Our child homeschooled until high school graduation. Our child had excellent grades.

#9 We NEVER told our child they had any deficiency. Our child got their driver’s license at 16. First try. Regular, just like everyone else. Had to take the exam on the computer. Had to take the driving course at the highway patrol with the officer.

#10 Our child got a part-time job at age 15. Immediately after high school graduation at age 19, our child walked into a car dealership and paid CASH for a brand new vehicle…our child saved their money from working in high school and wrote a check to purchase the car.

#11 Our child immediately moved 600 miles away to a large city and drove 21 miles each way to work. Never missed a single day of work, other than when the city snow plows did not remove two feet of snow from the streets. -However, our child woke up at 1:30AM and scooped a double driveway to get their own car and landlords car out of the garage and was ready to drive to their 5am work shift.

#12 Our child has never known, nor will our child EVER know….that was our choice. It could be made into an “excuse”. Nothing our child ever did was easy…it was difficult and took work. Our child is about to turn 26 years old next month. Has lived independently since the day they pulled out of our driveway at 19 years old. Paid their own bills – (I do have my name on their checking and savings account because of their request.) Our child is a perfectionist and does not want to mess up and make a mistake….the Dyscalculia. Our child is ALWAYS early for work…because of the Dyscalculia…our child sets their alarm VERY early to be sure to be to work “on time.”

#13 Our child works in a VERY large corporation/multi-state. Our child has been promoted and is just about ready to move into their fourth “larger” apartment….

#14 Never stop praying. Never stop believing for your child’s VERY BEST. Do not fear. Do not fear for them. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has our weaknesses and strengths. I’m certainly not a rocket scientist, surgeon or university professor, but I sure can do MANY things none of them can do!

#15 It is important to remember….DO listen to health professionals and teachers. However, you MUST listen to your heart. Do what is best for them. Do not be over protective!!! They may fail, they may fall, but they WILL get back up as long as you don’t do it for them!

It takes courage to be your child’s advocate….listen to your heart and answers to your prayers. Psalm 139

Alanna On Saturday, March 2 at 7:23 pm

I have never had an autistic child, but as much as we want our children to socialize etc…we also want them to socialize with good influences. I know private school isn’t an option for you, but consider homeschooling or some other type of schooling that keeps your child safe and within a good environment with good influences. If you think that public school is the best option then check it out thoroughly to see if you want your child in that environment – if you’re good with it, then go for it!

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Melody Mahala On Saturday, March 2 at 8:05 pm

I’ve been exactly where you are right now. My son, who is now 8, has Asperger’s and at age 2.5 only spoke one word – “Mama” – We sought help from our state program here in Tennessee and they started him with a “play” therapist at home and when he turned 3, they moved him to a special class at our elementary school. He had three teachers,a speech therapist and about 10-15 children in his class. However, some of those children were “peer” children (aka no disabilities) to be mentors and friends to the special needs children. Within a few months, he was speaking again and was able to communicate with those around him using PEC cards – Picture Exchange Communication – he carried a thin binder with these cards attached to pages by velcro and if he needed anything, he would bring us the card. We would then say the word associated with the card to him several times making sure he was looking at our mouth to see how the word was being formed. There are tons of options for buying PEC cards off the internet and you may even be able to make your own. We even made charts are home using PEC cards for getting ready in the morning and a step by step using the potty guide. My son now talks just like any other child. Best of luck to you and don’t give up!

Amy On Saturday, March 2 at 8:46 pm

Hi Leah. I am a preschool special education teacher and I work with children with autism ages 3-5. Hopefully your therapists have talked with you about the continuum of services in your area. The goal of early intervention is to provide services in the child’s least restrictive environment. In your case right now, that is your home. If your son isn’t making the progress you would like to see, a preschool setting is the next step. This could be followed by a special Ed setting..you see how each setting becomes more specialized. I teach kids at home, in private preschools, and in public preschools. Over the years, what I have found to be true for children, and for my own family, is that you need to take care of your family as a unit. Whatever decision you make, it needs to be yours as a family and not because a teacher or therapist told you that you should. If you are not happy and are worried, your child will feel that. That being said, it is critical for children with autism to have structured and purposeful exposure to social situations with facilitation to help them learn how to communicate, follow directions, and learn the skills of play. If the preschool teachers just let him wander about and do not facilitate this type of learning or implement strategies put in place by his therapists (such as the picture exchange system another post mentioned), than is he better off? Whatever you decide, you need to make your desires for his learning clear and monitor his regular education teachers closely. It is a lot to think about. My daughter has ADHD and it has been challenging to make sure I find the schools for her. I wish you well.

Amy On Saturday, March 2 at 8:50 pm

In response to posts about ABA, when done correctly, it should have more floor time (known as natural environment teaching/training) than table work. Work at the table is just to build foundational skills that can be transferred to the natural play and social environments. True ABA should never be all drills and no fun. Even the drills should be rewards based and fun.

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Kristen G On Saturday, March 2 at 9:33 pm

I work at a day treatment facility for children with special and behavioral needs. Our in patie t starts at 6 months -6yrs old then they receive outpatient therapies. I work in the classroom with 4 yr olds as an Early Childhood Development Technician. We are set up like a daycare. Our kids with autism have extreme success in our program. They receive therapy in the classroom as well as outside when therapist pull them to help with speech, OT,PT, and mental health. This healths them learn to deal with transitional issues. I have yet to see an autistic kid not have success in this program and be able to transition to kindergarten and thrive. Good luck to you and your little one

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Martha B On Saturday, March 2 at 9:39 pm

I have not been through this as a parent; however I have a master’s degree in Early Intervention and was an early intervention service coordinator in North Carolina for 9 years before going back to school to become a speech therapist. I know a lot of the public schools here in Western NC offer part time preschool for children with special needs (2-3 half days per week). This is a wonderful option for parents who don’t want their 3 year old in school full time and cannot afford private preschools. Additionally, the teachers and therapists at the school can work on improving your child’s interactions with peers. Just remember that you still need to work on this at home, when you go to the park, at church, etc. School therapists are often overwhelmed and have 50+ children on their caseloads, so communication isn’t always great unless parents are persistent in requesting updates on what’s going on in therapy and in the classroom.

In response to the ABA vs. Floortime issue, I have done both with children diagnosed with ASD. Both work very well when done correctly and intensively. Floortime is much more “naturalistic,” however I’ve found that ABA is an excellent way to build very basic foundational skills, such as eye contact, answering yes/no questions, requesting more, etc. And while the child may get frustrated at times, it should be fun. I did ABA with a little boy once and one of his “rewards” was for us to sing “Head Shoulder Knees & Toes.” He thought it was hilarious and so much fun (and it helped teach him his body parts)!

Floortime can work very well for building those social interaction skills that I mentioned earlier. I would encourage any parent with a young child who has just been diagnosed to research both methods and decide what will work best for their child and will also fit most easily into the family’s lifestyle. And remember that the early intervention professionals you work with can and should be helping you with that!!!! Best of luck to you and your family!

Tracie On Saturday, March 2 at 10:03 pm

As you can see you are not alone. There are millions of mamas that have gone before you and can help guide you through this journey! My son has PDD and sensory processing disorder, he’s now 9. You are educating yourself and asking questions, the best place to start. As a teacher, I know early intervention is proven to help. Try your school system first, it’s free. You will have access to many professionals and typically developing peers. I don’t know where on the spectrum your child is but children can learn by playing with other children. We supplemented our early ed program with private OT and speech, as much as we could afford. I sat in on all of the sessions and implemented the strategies at home. You can change course if need be. I can’t believe how far my guy has come. He’s in regular ed and only receives speech therapy focusing on social communication. Good luck to you and your child and don’t forget to take care of yourself.

I often say that I have three kids with Special Needs, I just have one with a diagnosis. I lovingly share that we moms can be thin skinned at times. It is a lot of responsibility to be the ONLY one who can know what is best for our kids.

I think that is a mistake.

I think we are the ones who always DO our best for our kids, but it is okay if we miss the mark. Are wrong. Make our best guess and change our minds. Love them no matter what. And sometimes forget to extend grace to ourselves and those around us.

This is what I have found to be my best strategy: My home play area is set up to encourage independent play AT her developmental level. (Check playathomemoms.com) I have limited social interaction calendared in with her biological age group, to “stretch” her. I have speech therapy. I am focused on engagement, not necessarily skills. Brain development and stimulation are our top priorities.

She is my third, so I am very (some would say) strict about obedience, loose on creativity…my house is messier than I would like, but after a few years of this strategy her skills are skyrocketing and she is very happy. Find the way that you can be the most consistent, and your child the most engaged. I think those two things are the top priorities for long term productivity and success. (Not to mention sanity.)

CJ On Saturday, March 2 at 10:44 pm

Our 5 year old has SPD and she goes to outpatient therapy for feeding, OT, and speech. She attends a private church based preschool (they are often cheaper than private and have smaller class sizes). However, right now our insurance only covers feeding, so it adds up. I would keep talking to the school, I know our school district can not force us to use the preschool to receive services, but they require us to take her and pick her up, which we are considering for speech because of the cost. Also, I know for socialization you could also look into play groups for families with autism. Our park district offers great classes at an inexpensive price and we have seen our daughter flourish with preschool ballet because the teacher is such a sensitive soul. (She is the first teacher she ever talked to…she prefers to be quiet in school environments where there is sensory overload) She loves ballet because it does not require her to talk and the classical music she really enjoys.

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Jackie On Saturday, March 2 at 10:51 pm

Our daughter was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when she was a little over 2 years old. We did ABA with speech therapy. The 1st year we had 4 teachers come into our home 5 days a week for 6 hours. The 2nd year we still had 4 teachers come into our home but our daughter also attended a blended 3 year old preschool program 3 mornings a week. When she was 4 we enrolled her in the blended preschool and also a typical preschool where she had an aide. She was in a blended kindergarten class, but by 1st grade was only observed 4 times during the school year. She was declassified the end of 1st grade. She is now in 10th grade, 15 years old, has an 89 average, plays varsity field hockey & is the captain of the Nordic ski team. She is my greatest success. My advice is carry whatever therapy you choose over to home. Become an expert. Research how supportive your school district is. We were lucky our’s was very supportive. Become an advocate for your child. No one is going to stand up & fight for you, so have a voice. There’s no better reason to use it than for your child. I wish you all the best.

Thanks, Jackie. I’m so glad to hear that your daughter is doing so well!

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Tawnya On Saturday, March 2 at 10:54 pm

Only you know what is right for your child. Personally I would say yes, take advantage of the early intervention pre-school from ages 3-5 if you can! Early intervention works wonders for children with various health anomolies. That might seem young to start a child in school, but it wouldn’t be a typical pre-school setting. You would have people trained to know the exact needs of your child working with him.

Remember that you are the only voice your child has right now. Advocate for him and do whatever you think is right to better his future.

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Heather Holland On Saturday, March 2 at 11:21 pm

Autism is a physical problem and can be healed. Research the GAPS diet. Socialization is important, but healing of the gut is key. Autism can be something your child once had.

Amy On Sunday, March 3 at 6:51 am

No I have to completely disagree on this.

TxMom On Sunday, March 3 at 9:27 am

Actually, autism has many components that can be corrected if treated at the physical level. Unfortunately, this is not true for everyone, but for a large percentage of people, it IS helpful. There is a definite link between the GI system and the brain. Many, many kids have been helped by going gluten free, casein free, etc. Please don’t discount diet and supplementation. It could be just what your child needs. (And as the child heals, he/she is able to respond to therapies.)

This is coming from a mom to a formerly typical child that regressed at 12 months after a vaccine; was non-verbal except for screaming for 9 months, had hypotonia, chronic diarrhea, anti-social, repetitive behaviors – looked like classic autism – UNTIL we changed his diet to gf/cf and then started biomedical treatments and found an awesome GI doctor. It’s been a long process – he’s 8 now – and the only thing we’ve had for the past 2 years, is occupational therapy. We’ve never done ABA, although we did have a wonder public preschool program for 2 years. He’s been homeschooled since Kindergarten. No one meeting him would know his background at this point. He is my extroverted child. Unfortunately, while he no longer has an autism diagnosis, he does appear to have mitochondrial issues, and that is now an entire other ballgame. So long story short…for some kids, it CAN be helped by treating the underlying physical issues.

cara On Sunday, March 3 at 9:36 am

TXMom and Heather are really on top of this. Nutrition is so key here. Many researchers are relating the huge jump in autism and ADHA to glyphosates in all our food, except organic ones. Anthony Samsel of MIT has been researching this, as has Huber,…check it out. Anyone ever hear of “Minding your Mitochondria”…amazing book.

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Jessica On Sunday, March 3 at 7:04 am

As a kindergarten teacher, first off let me say BRAVO to you for seeking out early intervention for your son. You are already on the right track and it will save you many headaches down the line by starting the process now rather than waiting until later. Since you plan on staying with the public school system, I would say get into it as soon as possible. The preschool programs tend to have small class sizes and more staff on hand compared to kindergarten classes (For example, I teach 23 kindergarteners on my own). That structure alone will help get him into the school routine. I teach in Virginia and I can say that kindergarten has drastically changed. There standards and expectations are high. Playtime and socialization are limited if not eliminated. (Don’t even get me started on how detrimental that is). Putting your son in preschool now will give him more time to adjust to school, other children, and routines before he gets to kindergarten, which is more like first and second grade were ten years ago. The school will also be able to get an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) in place and any services he may need started.

The class size in this case, is larger than I’d like. And we aren’t fans of the public system for numerous reasons. Thank you for the tips!

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Renee Ann On Sunday, March 3 at 8:22 am

While my children were not autistic, we lived in a very rural area with no other childern for them to interact. We chose to send them to a local church-sponsored pre-school just for the socialization. We were not a member of the church but the program fit our needs – for 3 year olds, 2-half days a week, for 4-year olds, 3 half-days. It turned out to be a wonderful experience not onlly for our kids but for us (turns out we too needed the socialization!). Only you can determine what is going to work for your children. Do your homework, take your child to VISIT the program, contact other parents and be involved. Its the best any of us can do.

Shari Merritt On Sunday, March 3 at 9:29 am

The US government requires that the public school system actively pursue families with special needs to have them enrolled by age three to help early to help bridge the gaps and build a program for their needs. At the elementary school I work at we have children enroll on their third birthday to help socially, developmentally, and behaviorally teach these students. Contact your local ISD for more information. If I can answer any questions feel free.

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Sue On Sunday, March 3 at 9:47 am

I work as a Developmental Specialist in my state’s EI program, frequently substitute teach in Developmental (Special Needs) Preschools, and home educated my 4 kids through 8th grade. I would say that my experience is Developmental Preschools has been overwhelmingly positive. The class sizes tend to be small with at least one or two aides. The teachers and aids are generally loving, knowledgable and caring. I agree with Jessica – I like the developmentally appropriate approach of the Developmental Preschool and Kindergarden over regular Pre-K and K. Most kids even at 3 thrive in the environment. And it gives the parents a little break to “recharge” – your job is difficult and the needs of your family are unending. I am sure you do it all with enormous love but it is still very taxing – I know because I watch and talk with parents just like you every day. It is also helpful to have another set of “eyes” on your child to provide another perspective. Even as an Early Intervention Professional I do as many co-treatments with other therapists as often as I can to get another perspective, treatment ideas,etc. That being said, I have been in classrooms that were not good so of course be wise and discerning. Blessings to you and your family as you navigate this journey.

I’ve watched a friend go through this very scenario, this year. Her son is recently enrolled in preschool and while it has been incredibly hard for her and him, she really feels his pre-school has helped him. He is slowly learning how to manage the unexpected and the world outside of his home. She is documenting their journey at edradavidson dot blogspot dot com and it’s inspiring and heartbreaking and amazing all at the same time. I would say, give it a try. If you feel like it’s not helping, take them out. You will always wonder if you shoulda woulda coulda. Best of luck whatever chocie you make.

Cyndi G. On Sunday, March 3 at 10:55 am

Our daughter with autism started the PPCD program (public preschool for children with disabilities) as soon as she turned 3. It was a godsend and a life changer. We had tried to help her at home, and had an early intervention specialist coming to the home before age 3, but the preschool was what really made a difference. It was a small class of fewer than 10 kids, with a teacher and a teacher’s aide, and it was a wonderful experience. I would encourage you to give it a try.

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Dianna aka Hrdwrkdmom On Sunday, March 3 at 11:09 am

My son is autistic (mid level functioning) and in my opinion it was the best thing I ever did for him.
At 3 years old he was not speaking, (not even baby talk, nothing), he was not potty trained, he was given to horrendous tantrums (if I couldn’t tell anyone what I wanted I would have a tantrum too) but I knew he understood every word I said. The neuroligist said let’s get this started right now, and we we did. Within months my son was talking, I will never, ever forget the day he said Mommy.
My son is still not what one would call a social fellow but I cannot tell you how much a difference it made in all of our lives because we did put him in school early. He was held back one year because he was not “social” but he did graduate high school at 19 (he was special ed all the way through), and he does have friends.
There are so many forms and levels of autism that one cannot guarantee what works for one child will work for another but as the mother of an autistic child that the system did indeed work very well for my suggestion would be to go for it.

Lindsey M. On Sunday, March 3 at 11:30 am

Hi

Thank you for sharing . I am not a parent yet but I am a certified behavior therapist specializing in teaching children with severe Autism. I understand your hesitation in wanting to have your child start preschool. Its a big decision and an emotional one. You have to make the decision you feel most comfortable because it the end your feeling are what matter most.

With that said I agree with your doctor. Early intervention and ABA in particular has been scientifically proven to improve social skills, play skills, and communication skills that children with Autism have deficits in. The sooner your child starts the greater their chances of improvement. It’s not about “training” your child its about teaching them in a different manner so they gain those skills.

I would check with the preschool you are considering sending your child and see if you can go and observe the class one day to see how they teach the children and if you feel comfortable with the staff. You can also ask them about the training they receive and what progress or growth have they seen in the children they have worked with in the past.

Good luck.

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curiositykt On Sunday, March 3 at 11:58 am

I probably would have been diagnosed with aspergers had I been born a few years later than I was, but I ended up with a lot of early intervention anyway because my pediatrician was really awesome. This really helped me a lot. I think it is the main reason I am almost entirely normal now. I went to occupational therapy starting around 3, and various other therapists until I was 18. I’m still a little weird and uncoordinated, but I’m sure I’d be much worse without it. They also insisted I go to preschool starting around 2.5 so I’d learn to socialize and be patient with other kids. I suspect this also was helpful, though I really never learned how to get along with people my age until high school. My mom regrets not home schooling me at times, but thinks that the social experiences I did have were probably a pretty good idea as now I can socialize with others.

Thanks for your response. It’s great to hear from the “child” in this case.

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Sandy On Sunday, March 3 at 12:09 pm

My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is also on the Autism spectrum. He was diagnosed at a major regional university hospital by a well known Autism expert. It was a relief to have a diagnosis after despite my son’s beauty and intelligence, my instincts telling me that his tantrums were more than just those of a “spirited” or “willfull” child. The first major less I learned was in the elevator at that major University hospital on the way to one of his sensory integration/physical therapy appointments. I got in the elevator with another Mom and child who were obviously on their way to the oncology floor. Her child had been ravaged by cancer and looked to have a huge scar on her bald little head. I saw the fear/sadness in that mother’s eyes and the devestation that disease had done to that little girl. I am not a religious person but when I walked out of that elevator I vowed to myself that my pity party was over, as well as my obessive worrying and internet research into my son’s condition/prognosis. My son was/is beautiful and incredibly intelligent, every parent worries about who/what their child will grow up to become and how they may/maynot excel in school and socially. This is not unique to Autism, we are all individuals and our strengths/weaknesses are inherent and despite what we think we have very little control over what life throws at us. I have focused on my son’s strengths and really watched and listened for his cues to tell me what is right for him. It often changed and continues to change based on his age and maturity level at the time. We did sensory integration therapy with him and learned so much about the sensory issues that he was so sensitive to. We were lucky to have an Autism intervention department within our school district who understood Autism and were able to help us implement supports for our son within a mainstream classroom. He had a 1-1 aide for awhile when he was younger and lots of “positive behavioral” support charts and rewards which I used with all my subsequent “neuro-typical” children because it is such an awesome system. Forcing you son to socialize or participate in a typical classroom will have no meaning to him and be an excercise in frustration for both of you if he does not have people surrounding him that understand and can react/support his needs. My son would get overly stimulated and would start to “rumble” like a volcano in a very predictable pattern and then explode when he ultimately became overwhelmed. Poor little guy had no control, but it was completely preventable if someone understands the signs and is able to re-direct him or give him an outlet (a walk in the hallway, a hands on job preferably something that involved pressure like pushing a rubbermaid tub of books around, and then positive reinforcement “we were not above Scooby-Snacks” when he complied but it could be a sticker if that is meaningful to him…and no my son’s Scooby-Snack consumption when he was younger did not turn him into a Teletubby! He is 16 and his BMI is like 15% which is probably underweight) and most importantly constantly create opportunities for praise and positive outcome because at the end of this crazy ride you want him to come out of it with a positve sense of self. My son is 17 now and just getting his drivers license. He began homeschooling with an online public charter school in our state and is an honor student. His passion is computers/computer programming which he does for fun in his spare time. His disability is actually an asset in the world of computer programming and his friend and mentor who works for MicroSoft as a project manager has my son de-bug some of his team’s programs and says that he has real opportunities when he graduates. Some professionals had told me due to his Autism that he may never have a sense of humor which was personally crushing to me, because I have a huge sense of humor. Almost as important to me as his social and academic developement has been his wicked sense of humor. He is like the guy on talk soup and delivers these zingers with a total straight face which is just brutally funny and makes me so proud. He has somehow through a combination of early intervention and good old fashion maturity learned to tame his sensory issues. He is still a little finicky about what he eats, but ironically it is not that he doesn’t like certain foods…he is actually a food snob and prefers warm meals to just a bowl of cereal for a snack. He would have Thai curry, or Indian Murgh Burianni with homemade Naan. This is his version of sensitivity…he’s sensitive the the smell and taste of shitty food, thus the reason I’m making a post about Autism on a food website! He has just been accepted into a tech trade-school program which is partially funded by Boeing and he will be studying computer IT in a classroom full of his peers. You would never even know he’s Autistic, not that it matters because I am actually proud of that fact. He is embarrassed by this and asks me not to tell anyone and does not think that he in fact has Autism, but I am proud of what he’s had to go through to get where he is. Will he go to Harvard? No, I didn’t want to pay for that anyway! Is he at times quirky? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t harbor a secret freak flag they would like to fly at times. Bottom line is, the best advice I can give is to love your little Aspie for who he is and don’t worry about who he will become because at the end of this crazy ride you will love him for that person as well. It is as it should be for all children, no one has a golden ticket that says “life will turn out perfect”. It is how you handle and love the one’s around you in the times in between and the difficult times that defines you as a person. I am a better person because of my son.

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NancyE On Sunday, March 3 at 12:13 pm

I come to the table representing 2 perspectives. I am the parent of a developmentally disabled child who went through the EI (Early Intervention) Program in our state and I have now served on the Board of Directors for the center for many years since. Our center (Wonderland Developmental Center) specializes in a program called Natural Learning Environment (NLE) which means all the therapists come to your home, work with the child and the parents in their “Natural Learning Environment”. The benefit is that for every hour of therapy, the parents can continue the “therapy” for all the waking hours between sessions. NLE encourages and supports the homeschooling approach. I am not sure if your center specializes in NLE but here is Wonderlands’ website if you want more info on it: http://www.wdcbirthtothree.org/programs.html.

But, to your question about using the public school system, the benefit is that the program is free. To a degree, it is still considered NLE because above age 3 the definition of NLE includes progressively more and more social and interactive environments. But, there are probably other options in your area too. Are there EI centers that service up to age 5? Are there preschools that offer extra support (which was our choice)? If you have insurance that covers your son’s level of need, can you hire a therapist or use a program geared for special needs and/or Autism? Your best resource would be alum parents of the center you are currently at because they have been where you are and often times, they know of places the center might not. The other question I would ask is what are your goals for your son and when you picture him as an adult, what do you see? It is a small blip in time but, will your school district’s program (or any program) help him progress in what he personally needs?

You are quite fortunate to have this available to you. Early schooling, and intervention can make ALL the difference for an autistic child. I would check it out, and I think you should seriously consider taking advantage of this. As a teacher and a mom, I know from personal experience how difficult it can be going it alone with a special needs kiddo! Get help early, and then go from there! Take and use every resource made available to you, and keep what works and ditch what doesn’t!

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TxMom On Sunday, March 3 at 1:12 pm

We put our son into the Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities (PPCD) through the public school at age 3, after he aged out of early intervention. He had wonderful teachers and aides for his 2 years there. I’m not sure that if I would have kept him at home during that time whether I would have exposed him to as many things as he was exposed to during school. As a special needs mom, it is sometimes (a lot of times) tiring and overwhelming to be always training and educating. We did bring him home to homeschool for kindergarten. Both teachers quietly suggested to me that I do so. I already had 2 years homeschooling his “typical” sister and they had seen what I had done with her. I also ended up selecting a similar curriculum to what PPCD had been doing – Five in a Row – for his first two years. It turned out to be a very good decision although the first year at home was extremely hard. My feeling is that it can’t hurt and you can always reevaluate what’s best for your child at any time. Good luck!

I’ve been told by the OT that comes to the house that K and up are difficult and she is very much on the fence regarding inclusion. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

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Rachael On Sunday, March 3 at 1:31 pm

I would agree with the first commenter to trust your gut about your child. On the other hand, I have worked in public preschool classrooms with children with autism and in social/recreational programming for children with autism. In regards to those, I would say it is a great resource. Visit the school and see what you think. If it is a good program it can be really helpful and give your child many learning and social opportunities. Often they can work with you on what fits him best. Some children only come 2-3 days a week and some go all 5. Ask lots of questions and see how he does when visiting the environment. Good luck!

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Cindy On Sunday, March 3 at 1:39 pm

I worked in the early intervention system in Tennessee and Alabama for more than 15 years. Autism is a life long disability. I would recommend preschool.

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daphneje On Sunday, March 3 at 1:46 pm

I work in the public schools in kindergarten, and I have experience working with all types of kids. I am a strong proponent of early childhood intervention. It’s hard to see your baby go to school at such a tender young age, but the experience and head start he will get will be worth it. He will learn how to socialize, communicate, and his transition to kindergarten will be much smoother!

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Jodi On Sunday, March 3 at 3:32 pm

I really don’t have any advice as I’m basically in the same situation. We have a 3 yr old that doesn’t speak at age-level and has been receiving ST from a speech therapist once a week in the home. Our public schools here have preschool for 3 year olds and offer services for kids that age with IEPs. My son now is getting speech therapy in preschool for about 30 mins/week which at this point, I don’t know if it is enough. We are either dealing with speech apraxia or a phonological disorder, but at this point we don’t know. I am happy to get him into a setting where there are other kids and there is structure. I’m glad he will be getting speech services but we may have to supplement it with more outside of the classroom setting. I don’t know any other parents that have children like mine but seeing all these comments from similar situations makes me wonder if we could somehow set up an online support group. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do to get it started though but I would really like to meet others with children like mine and be able to encourage each other, ask questions and hopefully problem solve.

Yvette On Sunday, March 3 at 4:06 pm

I beleive you can join facebook and create your own support organization. I have noted several for home schooling and autism.

An excellent resource is “More than Words” by Fern Sussman. It’s expensive for a book but it has tons of information in it that can help you to help your son while he’s at home. We started using this before our boy was diagnosed in December. If you see this, I’d love to “talk” to you. My email address is leahatha[at]gmail.com