My son can not seem to help himself no matter what tools or help we give him. I bargain with God every night to please help my son, help himself…nothing changes just more of the same. He wants legal help but he will not go to rehab. We of course won’t help unless he goes to rehab. So here we all sit… him on the brink of jail and us on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Why does he not care? Why can’t he try to save himself? The tension and stress in our house has reached an all time high.

My 10-year-old said the other day that she doesn’t want to live here anymore…My six year old wants to know why we don’t have fun anymore…My 17 year old is afraid to drive J’s car because she doesn’t want to be associated in any way to him and that is saying a lot because she is a new driver with no car and we gave her his car and it is a nice car!

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.

I have two younger brothers who have done drugs and alcohol for years. Both recently ended up in jail for fighting. Personally I love them but I am DONE. I wish my mom would stop doing for them because they are sucking the life out of her. They do not live with her but each time they end up in jail they call her. Neither of them works and both refuse to go to rehab. It sickens me.

Mady,
You asked me a question on my blog, and I really want to talk to you about it. I can’t find your email, but if you can let me know what it is, my email is bugzone1@gmail.com Stay strong, and protect yourself

Of course I am right below Bugz – b/c I was just going to remind you of Bugz post “Addict’s Love” (which I know you already read.
Also I will leave my “signature” comment… 2 Chronicles 20.
Praying for you, for your family, for J & sending love & hugs to you.

I so feel for you. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown with my daughter too. You must remember that you did not cause this, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. Stay firm on your boundaries, and then turn the rest over to God. I used to try to bargain with God, but I can tell you that it doesn’t work that way. Now I just pray that God’s will be done, and that both my daughter and I are granted knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out.

While you are waiting for him to hit bottom, it is imperative that you help YOURSELF. You can’t control his life, you only get to control yours. Find a good therapist, try Alanon again if you are willing, and spend some fun time with your other kids.

Consider setting an ultimatim that your son must go to rehab if you are going to continue to support him financially.

Ahhhh, the 2 biggest questions, that if we only knew the answer to, our addicts would ALL be saved: Why does he not care? Why can’t he try to save himself?

I’m right there with you on being sooooooo incredibly confused by these 2 questions! Why, the day before probation, did my son smoke pot, when he KNEW he would get pee tested? And he KNOWS that if he fails, it means prison time. Is pot so important that he’s willing to go to prison for it? Does he love drugs that much? It doesn’t make any sense at all, does it?

As for the other kids, NOW is your time to be with them. And not just in the same room. Engage with them. Play with them. Take them out. Have some fun with them. Your addict can figure out his own problems – after all, he’s an adult right? And that’s what adults do!

Its so sad to see the other kids suffer. I know my other 2 boys have suffered greatly. My youngest (12) just thinks J is “an idiot” (his words), cuz that’s all he’s ever known. My 18 year old wants so badly to have his brother back. He gets him for two hours, and then he’s gone again, back on the road to getting high. And it hurts him – I can see it.

But, I am past the point of MAKING them suffer for J’s addiction. Used to be a time when him and his problems were all-consuming of my time and energy. I can’t do that anymore – not to myself and not to my children. Its not fair to me, or to them, or to my addict!

My experience, I’ve been to about 1000 rehabs. The day I got out of each one I’d use. I’m not sure this is the case for every addict, because rehab might work for some… but for me, I had to make the decision myself. Dawn M Mccoy was correct in everything she said. Jails, institutions and death are the ending result of an addicts life, and we’ll bring others down with us. So look out for number 1, b/c as an addict I always just looked out for myself. Accept the things you can not change (your son) the courage to change the things you can (yourself) I wish you luck and strength on your journey

I am so sorry that your other children have to feel the effects of all of this. I am lucky in the fact that my daughters siblings are older and not in the home. It is hard enough for us to try to deal with this let alone young children. My heart goes out to you and your children. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I dont. Keep praying. ((hugs))