HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

Search This Site

What should be my course of action?

Hi Mark

An update on my situation here with my son. He is living with 2 other people now in a townhouse. A friend of my son's mother signed the lease for him. I asked her not to get involved because we were trying to work with him (using your program) to get him back on track. She told him that if he didn't like it here with us that he could move in with her and her family. So when we were do the program he jumped ship and went there. 3 weeks after being at her place he was looking for his own and needed a an adult to sign the lease, this "lovely women" who say she loves him and wants to adopt him stepped up to the plate. Just before he moved out he was doing drugs with one of her kid and had a bad trip and came running home for help because he was afraid that he was dying. We got him into the crisis/detox centre and the "lovely women" went and got him. A week later he moved to his own place. I know that he is into drugs heavy duty now. My husband is getting weekly calls from him to see if they can do something together, before he wouldn't even go any where with his dad and now he phones to see what they can do together. I am taking your advice keeping my conversation to 30 seconds and no more after he ran out and left the counselling session 3 weeks ago. The counsellor has the attitude that we should just let him run wild and see what happens. How can you as a parent sit back and watch your child destroy himself? He told me that I should continue the counselling session because the warning lights are going off when I was seeing the behaviour change in this kid and I need to resolve what went on in my home as a child. I came from an alcohlic family physically and verbally abusive, both parents and I raised my brother (we are very close, he phones every night to talk to me before he goes to bed). The counsellor told me his kid does drugs, okay is the whole world gone nuts? I thank God that I saw the warning lights going off! The kids living in the townhouse are going to university, it is just a matter of time now I think before they kick his butt to the curb. I think he will have no place to go. Everyone knows what he is up to. If he should ask to come home what should be my course of action? Rehab, not hang around the friends etc. and how do I convince him to want to go to rehab?... How do I get this kid back? Or do they ever come back?

On Monday, I received a call from a mother of one of his old friends named S___. This friend was in jail and is in a halfway house now, he had gotten into a fight and the kid died from the fight and he went to jail. One of the kids in the townhouse that lives with my son hangs around a kid named Jim. Jim saw S___ and told him that my son is going down the wrong road and that nobody can believe what has happened to this kid with so much potential, that it is unbelievable. S___ begged his mother to call me and to see if they can help in any way to get this kid back. S___ has changed his life around and the mother said he doesn't want what happened to him to happen to my son. S___ wants to meet with him soon, my boy always looked up to S___ and copied him ie. dress, mannerisms etc. The mother said she prayed for 2 hours before she called me asking God for strength and that I would be open to talking to her. Do you think that this meeting will help at all? S___ is trying to arrange the meeting with his social worker to sit in on it as well. Any help and insight from you would be greatly appreciated. Hey the program was working until he called her to move in.

Thanks A.

`````````````````Hi A.,

Re: If he should ask to come home what should be my course of action?

You'll want to draft a behavioral contract that stipulates (a) the house rules and (b) the consequences for violating each house rule. Be very specific. Click Here for more info on contracts.

From the office of Mark Hutten, M.A. Online Parent Support, LLC Author of My Out-of-Control Teen The problem is that...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.

Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?Click here for the full article...

Parenting Rebellious Teens

One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your little boy rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.

During adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school. Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between normal teen rebellion versus dangerous behavior? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?

The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.