Making Assumptions

When I was working in the store this afternoon, I overheard a couple arguing about their St. Patrick’s Day plans.

“I don’t want to go out that night.”

“Well, I made plans for us. I assumed you wouldn’t want to stay home and do nothing.

“That’s just it—you make all these assumptions about me but you don’t ask me what I’m feeling.”

That was the end of the conversation. The woman threw the four leaf clover banner on the ground and stormed out of the store. The man looked over to me and I quickly glanced down and pretended to count the cash. I certainly didn’t want to get into THAT conversation.

Henry Winkler really had it right when he said, “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” OUCH! It’s true. No one can stop others from making assumptions about them but it’s frustrating for everyone when decisions are made based on assumptions, rather than reality.

Assumptions are very different than beliefs (although I do believe we need to take a good look at our beliefs once in a while as well—it’s so important to know why and what we believe) and they can really get us in trouble. They’re a form of manipulation. When you assume something of someone, you “file” that person in a place that is manageable for you. It’s actually quite a selfish, self-protecting thing to do because once the assumption is made, you settle for perception, rather than exploring the relationship and growing in the process.

Can you create space around your assumptions today?

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a awhile, or the light won’t come in. Alan Alda

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Good posting, Diane. I hat when people make assumptions about me & my life and choose to discuss their assumptions with others to have validation. But, sadly, I admit that I too make assumptions without understanding someone’s motives or heart. I guess the thing is, if it is important then just have the conversation and find out. If not, then don’t bring it up- in mind or to others.