Category: Couples

Who or what gets you angry? As you do an inventory, let me give you some of my biggest pet peeves. First, ridiculous traffic light sequences make me angry. We can put a man on the moon but we have yet to figure out how to improve and expedite traffic flow. I cannot tell you … Continue reading ““You Make Me So Mad!””

Think about a time when you were deeply hurt by someone you loved. At the moment you first became aware of the offense, what was your response? Were you able to move quickly to a place of vulnerability and compassion? Probably not. It’s more likely that you reacted in a way that is natural to … Continue reading “When You’d Rather Punish Than Pardon”

We accept the belief that forgiveness is a necessary component of a healthy, satisfying relationship. But if that’s true, why don’t apologies always work? Why are offended people still unsatisfied after an apology has been offered? Why are the words “I said I’m sorry. What more do you want?!” so familiar? Because too often we are more concerned with gaining our own relief than with giving relief to the other person.

One of the first things I remember learning in my training as Marriage and Family Therapist is this fact from communication theory: “One cannot NOT communicate.” The communication axiom, “One cannot NOT communicate,” has much to say (pun intended). It is very common in couples that one of the partners has strong tendencies to “freeze” … Continue reading “Withdrawing – What is that Communicating?”

When we are in a place of marital distress, there are several natural responses that may be working against us. One of those responses is to spend every waking (and every dreaming) moment trying to figure out how to improve our marriage. It is understandable. We are worried about our future, or very unhappy, or … Continue reading “Think Less About My Marriage?”

It is almost as if I can see the walls between some couples when they come in for the first session. I can actually feel not only the distance, but a self-protective, impenetrable barrier. The difficult thing is that walls have a purpose; they protect. They protect from disappointment, rejection, shame, conflict, and being ignored. … Continue reading “Breaking Through Walls”

Two-thirds of couples report significant decrease in their relationship satisfaction following the birth of their first child. This is due to a combination of tiredness, depression, and loss of romance. Conflicts between the parents typically increase, and when the marriage suffers, the baby suffers, too. We know that even babies react to conflict in their … Continue reading “Your First Child Will Change Your Marriage”

I don’t know of anyone that actually likes conflict. I certainly know some who do better at it than others… like my wife, for instance! It’s not that she can out-argue me, it’s just that her perseverance is so much better that I eventually raise the white flag because I, in wimp-like fashion, am too … Continue reading “Conflict Resolution”

Consider the expectation of two couples at different stages in their relationship. Couple A, together for six months, drip with affection as they dream of a lifetime together. When asked Do you think it will ever be difficult to love each other? they looked perplexed, perhaps even offended. Are you kidding? We’re in love. Nothing … Continue reading “Shouldn’t Love Be Easy?”

There is an method of marriage counseling that remains popular among therapists working with couples in conflict. This approach assumes that the key to marital contentment lies in learning better communication skills. A satisfying relationship, according to this view, is the result of better listening, increased empathy, and a focus on conflict resolution techniques. Here’s … Continue reading “When Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work”

Contact Info

Payment

We counsel on a fee-for-service basis and currently do not accept third-party payments. We do, however, provide our clients with insurance-ready receipts that can be submitted to insurance companies providing coverage. For more details on our fee schedule or policies, please contact us.