Higher Rate of Narcissism for Those Born After 1982?

The July/August 2007 issue of the Atlantic Monthly (see "Generation Me", the last article on that page) discussed a 24-year study by Jean M. Twenge which examined the rate of narcissism in college students.. The Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), a 40-question survey, was administered to 16,475 college students in the United States between 1982 and 2006.

It was found that there has been a steady increase in the rate of narcissism. Almost 2/3 of the sample had a higher rate of narcissism than the 1982 average. Narcissism is particularly more prevalent in college students born after 1982.

One reason for the upswing in narcissism may have to do with the prevalence of "me-centered" blogging and social networking websites. Another is that the push to teach self-esteem in the schools has backfired. Considering that the NPI asked students if they agreed or disagreed with statements such as "I think I am a special person" and "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place", it's no wonder that students born after 1982 and taught with a "I'm the best!" curriculum would agree with those statements.

Based on John Gottman's, PhD, Relationship Research
Adapted from his book "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work"
by Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

Dr. John Gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minutes of a couple having a conversation whether the relationship he is watching will survive over the long-haul or not. He bases his predictions on four potentially destructive communication styles and coping mechanisms:

(1) harsh startup
(2) the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
(3) flooding, and
(4) body language.

In this synopsis I will focus on the Four Horsemen.

The Four Horsemen are a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament.

They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively.

Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.

The first horseman in a relationship is criticism. Criticizing our partner is different than offering a critique or having a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former attacks our partner at the core. In effect, we are dismantling his or her whole being when we criticize.

Example: "I was scared when you were running late and didn't call me. I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other" is a complaint. "You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don't believe you are that forgetful; you just don't think about me" is a criticism.

The second horseman is contempt. When we communicate from this state, we are being mean, treating others with disrespect by using sarcasm, ridicule, name-calling, and/or body language such as eye-rolling. The partner feels despised and worthless. Contempt is toxic and cannot be replaced with anything. It must be eliminated.

Example: "I've been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do, when you come home from work, is to flop down on that sofa and become a couch potato. You are just about the sorriest excuse for a husband I can think of."

The third horseman is defensiveness. This is an easy one to fall into. We feel accused of something and think that, if we tell our partner our excuse for doing what we did, he or she will back off. But the excuse just tells our partner that we haven't considered anything he or she has said. Basically, by defending ourselves we are ignoring our partner.

Example: She: "Did you call Betty and Ralph to let them know that we are not coming tonight as you said this morning you would?" He: "I was just too darn busy today. As a matter of fact you knew how busy my schedule was. Why didn't you just do it?" He not only responds defensively but turns the table and makes it her fault. A nondefensive response would have been: "Oooops, I forgot. I should have asked you this morning to do it because I knew my day would be packed. Let me call them right now."

The fourth horseman is stonewalling. When we stonewall, we avoid conflict either because we are unconscious of our own feelings or because we are afraid. Rather than confronting the issues (usually they tend to accumulate) with our partner, we make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, being busy or engaging in obsessive behaviors. We simply stop engaging in the business of relating to another person.

Note:
My experience as couples counselor for the past 16 years has validated what Dr. Gottman's research has shown. When all four horsemen are active and alive in a relationship, it is most likely too late to turn it around. I believe when the latter two, defensiveness and stonewalling are present, your relationship has a chance to survive if you seek outside help such as couples counseling. In order to change the first two horsemen, criticism and contempt, the person who engages in them really needs individual counseling because the attack on another person's worth usually stems from childhood wounds such as parental criticism, shaming, belittling or excessive demands. Feel free to call me for a free 20-minute phone consultation or to set up a regular appointment.

I agree with your take on this, Dr. Sarkis; and I think that several factors probably have influenced the increase in narcissistic personality disorder rates in our population.

One factor is that those with narcissistic pd are out-populating the rest of us. Those with npd and psychopathy are often highly charismatic; sexual conquest is just a game for them, a game they can win. (The current consensus opinion in the psychiatric community is that personality disorder is at least partially heritable, due to predisposing genes determining temperament factors manifesting in the extreme ends of the spectrum, such as fearlessness, risk-taking, etc., in combination with the perception of an invalidating early home environment, plus the factor of epigenetics.)

So those with narcissistic pd and psychopathy leave a larger number of progeny in their wake than the shyer, more conscientious "normals."

Another factor is one you mentioned, that public schools are now more into the concept that "everyone is a winner" rather than basing rewards on the students' hard work and personal achievement. So, those with npd and the psychopaths begin to feel entitled to pass and be given praise whether they've worked for it or not.

A third factor would be, I think, that our culture has a kind of perverse admiration and respect for criminality: those that can pull off criminal or quasi-criminal acts and get away with it are our "anti-heroes." Anti-heros do not play by the rules, and instead do whatever it takes to "win", even if it means cheating, lying, or manipulating. (An "anti-hero" is a central character in a novel, play, etc., who lacks the traditional heroic virtues.)

So, as long as our culture continues to bestow a grudging admiration of cheating, lying, and manipulating, and the use of threat or force to win, and as long as our culture continues to give "passes" to those who are not achievers (rewarding non-performance) and as long as those with narcissistic and psychopathic genes out-populate the "normals", I think we are going to see continuing increases in the number of npd and psychopathic individuals in our population.

We are going to see continuing increases in the number of people like me because people like you give away your villain for free. It's an unconscious defense mechanism called displacement.

In Freudian psychology, displacement (German Verschiebung, 'shift' or 'move') is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind redirects effects from an object felt to be dangerous or unacceptable to an object felt to be safe or acceptable.

Would you and your Anti-Annie care to be my minions?

My qualifications: "Anti-Cosmo is an evil genius, criminal mastermind, and ruthless in his ambition to become more powerful so he can cause even more bad luck among humans, an ambition shared by all his Anti-Fairies cohorts who he is apparently the ringleader of. After he is permanently freed from Jorgen Von Strangle's captivity, he and his race move to Anti-Fairy World where he rules over them from his castle."

"Destrudo is the opposite of libido - the urge to create, an energy that arises from the Eros (or "life") drive - and is the urge to destroy arising from Thanatos ("death"), an aspect of what Sigmund Freud termed "the aggressive instincts, whose aim is destruction".

Hey Dr. Stephanie, great article, as usual. I wonder too, if what the media has been modeling progressively in self-centered and self-fulfilling advertisement, movies, television shows, commercials, and magazines has not contributed greatly to a more narcissistic society as a whole. We spend a lot more time with media since 1982 with the advancement of devices and in more frequent social media interactions, which make it easier to focus on self. Not many media offer good self-regulation opportunities or the introspection reminders we need.

After watching Young Adult (recent movie with Charlize Theron), I am reminded of how much of narcissism involves lacking meaningful connections with other people.

I was born in 1982 and definitely do not meet the criteria for NPD but I feel a little defensive of my generation! I think this is a conversation about larger cultural patterns (those beyond social media and reality TV!)

Our parents had to work harder and longer just to scrape by. They had to move away from their families-of-origin to obtain or keep a job. Many jobs are both draining and lacking in meaning, making people feel disconnected from the fruits of their labor and from each other.

And now as I am in the soul-draining workforce and trying to raise a daughter, I can understand this pattern of disconnection even more.

It is incredibly difficult to sustain a sense of community and connection to humanity under these circumstances. I have VERY little free time and I am so exhausted that much of it is spent collapsed on the couch in front of social media.

Modern society kills community because money grubbing is the name of the game and markets naturally destroy communities. This is just a side effect of capitalism and the disruptive effects of 'creative destruction' accept it makes stable lives increasingly impossible.

Our generation has come to the conclusion that corruption pays, we see it every day. I have no misguided notions that being ethical pays off. I am willing to do what ever it takes to succeed if that means cheating, or knocking some one out of my way than so be it. Life is a free for all, not some fairy tale where goodness and wholesomeness is going to bring you to your desires.

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Gen Y. Millenials. The Me Generation. The youngest generation of adults has a number of names—and has been variously described as self-absorbed, short on attention, and respectful of authority. Get to know the new kid in your office (or who's recently moved back into your house).