Monday, August 01, 2005

Step lightly unto the August night

It is now August.

August, named after the great Roman dictator, Augusto Aromorous. Or was is Augustus Andromedus? You remember? It was some guy they just called Auggie.

Well in any event and, in fact, in every event, here are the very popular days in August that you may wish to celebrate, as complied by our crack team of compilers, each one an IQ point smarter than the next.

Aug. 2 is National Ice Cream Sandwich DayOriginally served warm, it took a number of years for this day to catch on. Then, in Berlitz, Germany in 1867, Franz Goodhumor, who later came to America to be a dentist who specializes in molars, suggested that it be served cold. Aug. 6 is Wiggle Your Toes DayYou will just have to trust those who celebrate wearing socks and shoes. Aug. 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch NightThis evening of festivities has incited a movement to launch Cook The Zucchini That You Will Later Put Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day, since at last report no one was placing zucchini onto any neighboring porches on this date’s evening. Last year, in fact, the integrity of this day was blemished when at least 405 people were arrested for displaying lewd behavior with their zucchini in public. That is illegal in 34 states.Aug. 12 is Middle Child's DayLong forgotten as a member of a family, the “middle child” is recognized on this day without the support from anyone famous, since a middle child never made anything of his or herself in history. Aug. 13 is Blame Someone Else DayThis day is, of course, all your fault. Aug. 18 is Bad Poetry DayYes, bad poetry can be recognized and can be registered at the Department of Literal Affairs. Once the bad poem is implanted with a special buzzing device, any time anyone recites it they will receive a shock to their lower lip that should, for all due purposes, bring them to their knees. Aug. 22 is Be An Angel DayThis is a controversial day because for some reason more suicides take place on Aug. 22 than on any other day of the year. Aug. 25 is Kiss-And-Make-Up DayNo need to have been in disagreement before you act upon celebrating this day. However, be aware that use of your tongue can result in a lawsuit.Aug. 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt DayIn 1915, Herbert Vestibule hosted the Most Popular First Name Contest, since the name Herbert won and he had founded the contest. Herbert had five boys, all named Herbert and he encouraged use of the name for all boys born, as well as he campaigned for years to have men change their names to Herbert. The Herbs Movement, as it was called, ended in 1921 when Herb Vestibule’s head exploded at a rally. His doctor, Dr. Herb Holstein, said the explosion was due to a monstrous salt intake over 30 years. The doctor then launched this day for the sake of public awareness and a chance to have his name printed in the local newspaper. Aug. 31 is National Trail Mix DaySo, happy Trail Mix Day to you until we meet again.

wow... all those days.. including the seldom seen 'Audio Coffee Holiday' which is an annual event taking place the first full weekend in August, which means there won't be a show that weekend (a bummer, I know) but fear ye not cos the show will return the following Sunday (and since preparations are quite intense, AC representation will be lacking in the hotline on Thursday cos we'll be off early on the Friday morning)