From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Blessed Chapter Three

The world we live in was never created equal. There is a set rule for women and a set rule for men. More often than

not the rule for women is governed, administered and enforced by other women. We do not know what it means to be truly free because more often than not we seek permission from other women in order to do things. The way we fear being judged by other women is almost as though they are God Himself. We live to please people we don’t like, emulate in fashion or lifestyle women we don’t know as well as judge and vilify anyone who has a hint of being better than us be it in beauty, dress code, career etc. Look at Boity, she bought a piece of property and the people who showed her so much hatred were first and foremost women. When misguided men joined in making jokes about her achievement it was women who retweeted and laughed with her. We just can’t congratulate another woman, hell no! What for? She is not my mother daughter hence she must be a witch, seductress, immoral and any evil think we can conjure up.

I had a male friend, who always used to say,

“Take what you can, and give nothing back!”

We used to laugh at him and tell him that he was selfish. He would tell us that as a man, if a woman comes his way he should never even think twice, he should have her. We used to laugh it off because much as he was a whore, because he was a guy it didn’t sound that bad. I watched that friend of mine sleep with so many girls all the while when he had a sweet loving girlfriend and not once did I reprimand him because he was my friend and in my eyes he had game! The way we are so brainwashed though!

The long weekend was over now and the reason why Khanyi had chosen to sleep at my house was because her father had said that she can only come home if she got rid of her “Satan’s clothes and get rid of that Devils Tattoo” at the back of her neck. I think you get the drift; everything for him he did not like was likened to the devil. Now tell me, how do you get rid of a tattoo though if one was to be realistic? This man was impossible.

“He is here already!”

That was so fast. I was not even done. How fast was he driving! I went to open the door for him. My mother knew Neo because he was around that often.

“I am sorry I am a bit late. There was a road block next to PPC and was stuck there for a good thirty minutes!”

Neo said as soon as he walked in.

“Are you sure? I am not even done yet. How fast were you?”

I could see a hint of disappointment in him that I was not done but true to form he smiled and said,

“Its ok baby I will wait. Where is your sister?”

He asked me and as he was talking she walked in. This was either good or bad for me considering what she had overhead.

“Hey brother in law?”

She said as she bounced in with a big smile on her face. They got along because they both spoke geek.

“I have something I want to show you!”

She said running to her room to get something geek I am sure.

“You are in good hands!”

I told him as I went to finish up packing. Only forty five minutes later did I join them to say I was done. My mother was not back yet meaning I would leave with no pocket money…again!

“See you next time loser!”

I said to her teasing her. She came to hug me and whispered,

“Please don’t be dumb, don’t do this!”

She begged me and stepped back with a smile. Eish, I felt guilty even more looking Neo. He was such a good guy and one day I will marry him but for now I was still young.

We drove out with me sitting in the passenger sit and Khanyi at the back. She wanted to take selfies so with her selfie stick we taking pics the whole way to Jhb. Neo was often quiet when my friends were around which is why they liked him I think. He did not say much all the way to campus.

“Thanks lovey!”

Khanyi said when we got to res. She got out of the car and walked in. I was left with Neo and we started chatting. I had missed him. Unfortunately his mother wanted him to come take her to the hospital to go see her sister who had just given birth. We kissed and said our goodbye.

When I walked in I found Khanyi still at reception talking to one of the house committee girls who was her friend. It was that thing of bumping into each other as she was on her way out. I stood with them for two minutes before she said she had to go. As we waited for the elevator I heard,

“Kandeshi!”

A girl called Nangula called out when we entered the third floor corridor of our res. She was not calling me but Khanyi and it was the nickname she had given her. Nangula Shikongo was a Namibian student who we knew didn’t like us much but smiled out of politeness. In first year we were a bit close but like all things first year, that didn’t last long. She had nicknamed Khanyi, Kandeshi and because it kinds of sounds like Kardashian we had never bothered to find out what it means back in Namibia. She told us it meant princess and we all know, every woman whether she is sleeps under a tree or in a mansion wants to be called princess.

“Hey Nan, what’s up?”

Khanyi greeted her with a fake smile. She really didn’t like her.

“Your father was here yesterday looking for you! He said that you changed numbers and they had no way of getting hold of you!”

She said.

“Did you give him my numbers?”

Khanyi responded with a tone of aggressiveness in her voice.

“No I did not. It’s neither any of my business that a father does not have his own daughter’s number nor that his daughter does not see it fit that her family should have her number!”

She said snidely and walked away. See why we did not like her. Wa re judga and she does not even hide that fact mxim! One day I will catch her in a dark corner and ke tlo m’trappa, o tla bona!

“Are you going to call them back it could be an emergency?”

I asked her when we got to my room.

“I know what it’s about. Yesterday was the church anniversary and he likes to parade us around, his perfect daughters.”

She said.

“Regardless, call him and find out! He must have your number as well no matter what you might think! Come Kandeshi, listen to me I am your sister!”

I said trying to lull her into believing I guess. I had to stroke her ego and I never called her Kandeshi unless I wanted something from her.

“Ok fine, will call him later!”

“No, let’s call him now! I know what will happen later so we doing it now!”

I told her as we put our bags down. She took out her iPhone and we set on the edge of the bed. She dialled his number and I was not surprised when she put the phone on speaker. That was her thong when it was just the two of us. I knew almost everything about her.

“Papa it’s me, I heard you came to look for me at residence is everything ok?”

She asked him.

“Khanyisile you don’t even know how to greet your father properly? Is this how we raised you?”

He asked her and I could understand his annoyance with her. Even I was annoyed ah.

“Sawubona baba”

She said with that voice that said I am only doing it because you made me do it.

“How was the anniversary?”

She asked him. He told her that it was fine but that was not the reason that he had come to see her.

“Your grandmother left us yesterday in the afternoon in Mtubatuba!”

He said and he kept quiet. I just saw tears roll down her cheeks immediately.

“But she was not sick moes how does she just die?”

She asked him.

“She was sick for about a week and no one could get hold of you! I had to come and look for you Khanyi like you are those girls that ran away from home! Really Khanyi is this what we have become?”

He asked. This was getting awkward now; maybe it was time to leave. I made as though to stand up but Khanyi pulled me back onto the bed and held my hand in a vice grip that would have made a Chinese businessman proud.

“I am sorry papa. What are the funeral arrangements?”

He mentioned a few things but most importantly those they were burying on Saturday morning.

“I will be coming to the funeral and I am coming with my friend Palesa!”

She told him. I think her father was just relieved that she was coming because he agreed and told her that no matter what their differences were family comes first. I don’t know if that was intended for me as a backhand gesture for me coming with but it sounded directed.

“Ok then. Bye dad!”

She said and before he could say anything, she dropped the phone. That was rude though but oh well, to each his own.

“If it was anyone else I would not have gone but my grandmother loved me above all her other grandchildren. When I was a child I lived with her for a bit and I am so hurt!”

She said as she cried into my arms. I wish I had some words of comfort but I am not good at these things. This was certainly not a nice way to start the week. It was already dark and the club people were getting ready to go. Sunday clubs are actually pretty popular because the guys that go there are usually ones that have money. Friday its students mostly, Saturday its Nigerian guys in Rosebank but Sundays are considered classier and less intrusive by most. At res we see the so called IT girls start to go out. I was not a big fan of Sunday clubbing because it messed up with my school schedule.

“I am going to go out to have a drink so that I can honor my grandmother!”

Khanyi said to me.

“You want to honor her by drinking?”

I asked her.

“Yes. I need something to take my mind of things and I can’t do this alone. Please let’s go together!”

She begged me.

“Besides, we agreed that we were leaving your house early to allow us time to go out. This is a reason to go out!”

She said trying to encourage me. I was not going on this one even if I wanted to be there for her.

“Sorry friend, I have to study and you know I am already struggling so no thanks!”

I responded. She was not my roommate. She stayed with one of the cheerleaders on the first floor who was just as outgoing as her.

“Please, we will only be out for an hour or two! Just a few drinks!”

She begged me. She really needed me so maybe the hour would be harmless!

Thank you for reading my letter. Hope everyone is well. The authors of these blogs I must say are pretty amazing. Thank you for everything.

I am not a saint. I have been sleeping with my sister’s husband since I was 17. He is 33 now and I am 21. It’s been four years now and we still doing it. I have tried dating other guys and I keep on gravitating towards him. My sister and him are both lawyers and I attend at Tuks. Our parents died last year and now I have to move in with my sister. It’s bad enough as is and so often we have tried to break up its just does not happen. It’s real now. My sister and I have never been close because of our age gap and she always had that thing that she is better than all of us, never came home to see the parents etc. yet we lived in the same town. Her husband and I met at a relatives wedding which she could not attend for yet another excuse but she sent her husband. I don’t know how it happened but it did and now we are here.

What do I do? I am not even sure if I love him but I can’t let him go.

Tuks, but u know what to do! Its even bad enough now that you want to move in with her coz you are going to carry on sleeping with her husband under her roof. Do not move in with her, find your own place, while you are at it, GET YOUR OWN MAN!!!! If she finds out, hope you will be able to live with your deceit, she’s family man!

If your sister reads this blog by any chance consider yourself dead as she’ll immediately know what you doing to her, embrace yourself. You are 21, you should be independent, leave the couple alone and continue to go home during school recess, I don’t see the need to go stay with them as the two of you will start banging while she’s in the next room seeing that you can’t stay away from each other. At age 17 you are a slut for sleeping with your brother in law, where’s self respect?

Thank you Bhut Mike 🙂 Eish, this Bring Her Down syndrome is real and bad hey 🙁

Ye wena Tuks…tell me…whats the real reason you sleeping with your sister’s husband?? If you dont think you love him then what is it that makes you open your legs for him?? I want you to ask yourself these questions first and when you find an answer you will know what to do.

Again, if it were you and your younger sister did this to you , how would you feel??
How will this affect your relationship with your sister if it ever comes out?? Will you ever live with yourself knowing you destroyed your sister’s marriage and the relationship you have with her??
What is it that you dont know what to do?? Is it breaking up with this man or letting him go?? What do you mean you cant let him go if you dont love him??
These questions are for you to ask yourself , hopefully will resolve your confusion. Because hay man I dont understand how you can do such…but ke each to her own……ncncncncncncncnc

I dunno why people ask for advice when they’ve made up their minds already. Like what the hell?

This to me seems like you’re justifying your behavior because of how your sister is, “she thinks she’s all that”. Tell this man you will expose him to his wife if he dares touches you again. But you probably won’t because you’re worried about your own reputation. Tsk tsk tsk.

Thank you bhut’Mike and team
Tuks haikhona this is so wrong on so many levels…what did your sister do to you that is so wrong you’d do this to her??? not being close to your sis does not justify what you’re doing…just get out of that situation and do not move in with them, rather ask them to rent a place for you and keep your distance tjoooo.
this is a disaster waiting to happen written in bold red flashing lights.

Here I was thinking blood was thicker than water…. But then again Hlengy slept with Mdu, whether or not her sister was dead or that she was drunk (Growing Up vibes )

So Tuks, for four whole years you are being screwed loose by the same man who goes to sleep with your mother’s child, your own flesh and blood. Instead of being like Kelly Khumalo’s lil’sis and help your sister beat up whoever chick disturbs with her relationship, you are that whoever chick who needs a beat down? Hai no nam ndixakiwe.

It’s actually disturbing that this dude was 29 and sleeping with you while you were still wearing school uniform, some people are kinky in a very dangerous why yaz, like how do you even get aroused by a child still in high school though…. and then continuously screw her through varsity even. Wena Tuks you should be ashamed of yourself, what are you getting from this solicitor? Is there any gains that are measurable except for sex? Unesbindi se crocodile shame.

I hope your sister finds out and makes your life a living horror movie, plus she is a lawyer, many ways to destroy a mere commoner, let alone a student. Karma proly cooking up a storm that will be served on a silver platter, ice cold, you deserve it for all your hard work making your sister’s husband warm and all.

From my point of view, Tuks indirectly wants her sister to find out. She wants this man for herself. Look at how clearly she has described everything. Anyone who who knows Tuks and her sister already knows the situation.

Ah now I’ve heard it all, I’m not going to judge or name call anyone but hearing such is so disappointing. What is happening to the young ladies of these days? These are the people who are supposed to raise kids and take care of a family? Nah babe take a knee and reassess your life

Tuks o wa nyontsha…do you know i don’t hug my brothers-in-law out of so much respect for them and my sisters,i can’t stop shaking my head o jealous,greedy and selffish, if you not close to your sister so leave her and her husband alone please…do you know if you not close to your sister or family is like you are nothing so try to fix yourself before its too late.

Tuks >> So you are trying to justify your actions by saying your sister is all that and thinks she’s better than everyone? Pathetic excuse to chow someone else’s man, let alone your own blood.

YES indeed your sister is BETTER than you, She is EDUCATED, has a JOB that she is QUALIFIED for, went on to get MARRIED and got herself her own HUSBAND.
You on the other hand, you are a STUDENT with NO MORALS and NO SELF RESPECT who is JEALOUS of her own sister and sleeping with a man +10yrs your senior out of SPITE for the only family member you have left.
You and this man deserve VVIP seats in HELL for what you are doing to your sister.

5yrs ago to this day I lost one of my sisters coz she made the same stupid mistake of sleeping with a man she knew had paid Lobola for me and was my husband she thot coz we were blood we could share u have no idea how much it hurt me nor how much it destroyed my family. You are sick tuks u r sick. Your level of disrespect is appalling to say the list the very existence of pple like u is why this world is so fucked up. Wen that woman finds out God help u and that gud for nothing piss of shit that u have allowed to continually com in u will not be there to back u he will kniw were his bread has been buttered n u will be left alone with no one which u deserve sies u disgusting man dot u know GODS not going to give u someone else’s husband

@tuks if u wer my sister i was goint to kill you like really kill you, i wouldn’nt even mind going to jail just for killing my sister who slept with my husband. sis uyisifebe somfazi, how can you do that to your sister mara yehh? just bcoz she thinks she is better than all of you for not showing up in your family’s house more often or for not showing up in a relatives wedding? wake the flippin hell up bo your sister is a married woman with her own family she cant visit at your family’s house more often and also she is a lawyer for goodness sakes what if she was busy with her cases for her not to show up at your relatives wedding? at the end of it all nobody is perfect we all have our own fault somewere somehow so you cant expect your sister to be almighty. eish i so wish your sister finds out and kills you in your sleep coz thats the only punishment you deserve

Tuks ya neh… Are you for real? How did you turn out to be such a teenager??

I’m 24 and the age gap between my sis and I is 10. We were also mor really close but besides that I have always known that she loves me to death… With job hunting I have been staying in her house and when he husband started making more and more conversation with me I kept mu distance and he got the picture quite clearly, I don’t know what his intentions where but I respect my sister so much that I don’t wanna ruin her life, if anything I should help her work on her marriage.

If you don’t wanna stop this for yourself then do it for your sister or atleast do it cause you know what is right.. I really don’t know what to say to you… I hope you come back to your senses soon enough

Who are we to judge. ,Tuks just take a moment to think about this whole situation and imagine that the sane was done to you mm just think about it and you will get all the answers you are looking for..only you have the power to change this whole thing.

Tuks, you really hate your sister. And you want to destroy her the best way you know: By sleeping with her husband. You are doing all this because you think that “she thinks she is all that”. You are trying to punish her for living her dreams. Be careful that the hatred inside of you does not spill over and hurt you in the process.

I have my baby mama sister also attending at Tuks n she’s coming on to me,but as n adult I thought of there relationship. The brother in law is fucked up here, he just wanted fresh meat nje.Tuks ur just selfish hoe fela,get a life nxa

This guy is playing u and ur sister and u are letting him. I don’t know what kind of issues u have with ur sister but some things are just cruel. At 17, u knew exactly what u were doing and u knew that it was wrong on a whole other level. I advise that u stop doing this with ur brother in law. I couldn’t help but sense some kind of hope while reading ur letter. Are u hoping that he will somehow like u more and decide that he wants a relationship with u? If u are, look at all the single mothers they were side chicks(some unknowingly). My dad always says ”Love, when u grow up, don’t ever let a man get between u and anything. Whether it’s school, a friendship or ur dreams. We are the cruelest creatures out there” good luck with the decision u take. God bless

Tjo, I’m so glad I’m last born daughter at home and have my own marriage ! The thought of another woman with my husband is haunting enough, imagine if that other woman is your own sister ….. tjo Tuks I hope your sister finds out, let’s you move into her house and feeds you Ratex! Uyigundwani! !

Aweh Buti Mike. suddenly something familiar. the name is even in oshiwambo. my mother toungue. also i know someone with that name. how ironic. i like this book already.

Why are we blaming Tuks? her sister’s hubby is also at fault for sleeping with his wife’s sister. either way they are still wrong. i have an older sister who is married and i cannot imagine doing that do her. shame.aaye mahn..