Here's A Story That Should Make Us All Sick

As has been evidenced by his attendance at practically every Los Angeles Lakers game, soccer superstar David Beckham has definitely made himself a home here in the good, ol’ U.S. of A. Obviously it helped that he finally led the L.A. Galaxy to a MLS Cup victory in 2011, after signing with the team in 2007, but once he signed a new two-year deal and talks of his eventual ownership of the team surfaced, it was a certainty.

But apparently Becks and his wife SportyScaryDopeyGrumpyHeftyPosh Victoria have been sold on L.A. for a few years and have been quietly waiting for the right time to sell their massive British home. That time is now, the price tag is $28 million and you don’t even have to guess who wants to buy it, because of course it’s Kim Kardashian.

Kim is said to be planning to snap up the property – which comes complete with helipad, petting zoo…

Must… fight… urge…

… swimming pools and a recording studio – to use as a European base for her family including sisters Khloe and Kourtney and mother Kris Jenner. (Via the Winnipeg Free Press)

Obviously, my first thought was: “No way that this jaded fame whore family can honestly be dumb enough to throw down $28 million on an estate in a country full of people who might not give two soggy crumpets about them.” But don’t worry, they have a plan. They’re going to rent out rooms in the estate to their wealthy fans. I don’t even have a joke for that.

As for the Beckhams, why did it take so long for them to list their mansion?

An insider told the Daily Mirror: “David and Victoria have been wanting to sell up for a couple of years now but the timing was never right.

“They didn’t want to lose money, putting their homes up for sale during a slump in the property market.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a $2 coupon for Pollo Tropical that’s about to expire.