10 Beers You Can Drink for Breakfast

That line in Kris Kristofferson's Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down feels so romantic: "The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad... so I had one more for dessert." Of course, boozing at breakfast if you're a badass country highwayman seems normal enough. Unfortunately, for most of us, it's just not feasible.

Whether it's nagging significant others, nettlesome employers, or draconian blue laws, beer before noon has all but been excised from this planet. We shouldn't stand for that any more. Luckily, morning beers are making a comeback. Sure, maybe not according to your employee handbook, but at least in the craft beer world. In fact, the two highest-rated beers of the moment according to Beer Advocate are rise-and-shiners: Toppling Goliath's Kentucky Brunch Brand Stout (a coffee beer) and Tree House's Good Morning (a maple syrup stout).

While those two beers aren't exactly easy to find, there are plenty of other great breakfast beer options. Some which merely taste like breakfast foods; others that literally have the particular breakfast food in them. Maybe we can just start saying we're not drinking before noon—we're simply following our new meal replacement plan.

Coffee

Today's hot shot on the go doesn't have time for breakfast—a big cup of joe is enough. And there are plenty of great coffee stouts like Founders Breakfast Stout and AleSmith's Speedway Stout. But Carton's offering is the only one meant to taste like a cheap Anthora cup with milk and two sugars. A freshly-roasted blend of Mexican Chiapas and Ethiopian Sidamo beans are added to a golden cream ale, making for a "light 'n' sweet" offering that could have come from your closest bodega. Tea drinkers—and really, if you're game for a beer at 7 AM, are you that picky?—can opt for Owl's Brew Radler, a half-wheat beer/half-black tea.

Muffins

It almost seems like Great Notion wants to be the world's first breakfast brewery. They have beers named and inspired by French Toast, a Double Stack of pancakes, and even Apricot Mimosas. But Blueberry Muffin is their best brekkie offering, with a fruity sweet nose that will make you swear someone just robbed the damn muffin man on the way to the office. That's followed by a bit of a mindfuck: a tart blueberry flavor profile. Unlike a lot of other breakfast beers packed with rich, decadent flavors, this one is lower-ABV and downright thirst-quenching. Just means there's room to drink more.

Waffles

Leggo is a collaboration with Pennsylvania's Tired Hands Brewery and the waffle-makers at Welcome Chicken + Donuts. A double IPA brewed with maple syrup, lactose milk sugar, and biscuit malts, no toaster is needed. Unfortunately, this tasty beer has only been brewed one time so far, which hopefully doesn't mean Kellogg's legal team Eggo'd Arizona Wilderness into insolvency.

Doughnuts

Once you've started the day with a few hot glazed, you're probably not going to be getting much work done anyhow. Might as well start drinking, huh? A spin-off of the brewery's beloved Imperial Biscotti Break, this beer takes that sweet almond/coffee base and, well, dumps a shitload of donuts into the tank. Boozy and sweet, it's perfect for the drinker too lazy to actually do the donut dunking himself.

Cinnamon rolls

Terrapin's best-known beer—their W-n-B Oatmeal Stout—would be the perfect fit for an oatmeal category. But Terrapin's best beer ups the breakfast ante even further by cinnamon rollin' the W-n-B (which used to stand for "Wake-n-Bake" before weed-fearing nofuniks got upset). Packed with Jittery Joe's coffee (that's the, uh, "wake" part), Cinnamon Roll'd "bakes" in the flavor of liquidized icing atop cinnamon before finishing you off with a buttery hug. Like getting drunk at an airport Cinnabon.

Bacon

Beavis and Butthead's favorite beer ("He said morning wood…") is way more refined that you'd expect. Funky Buddha excels at comfort food beers—they likewise have a French Toast—and Morning Wood is meant to evoke a pretty bangin' start to the day. This 13% ABV knockout punch of a porter is a smoky, salty, and downright decadent combo of maple syrup, fresh-roasted coffee, and bacon (bacon!). To top it off, it's aged in bourbon barrels, just to assure you'll be napping by noon.

Scrapple

Every locality has their favorite way to prepare breakfast pig. We've already mentioned bacon beer, of which there are a few. Jersey digs pork roll (or is it Taylor ham?), which extends to Flying Fish's Pork Roll Porter. While Amish country loves scrapple—best described as a "mush" of pork scraps, spices, and flour-y fillers. Never afraid of oddball ingredients, Delaware's Dogfish Head combines that mush with cold press coffee, maple syrup, applewood-smoked barley, molasses, and lactose. Damn, being Amish sounds delightful!

Cereal

Kuhnhenn Cap'n Crunchberries (Warren, MI)

Every year on St. Patrick's Day, Michigan's Kuhnhenn holds a "Breakfast of Champions" beer festival. They serve "bloody" beers, "mead-mosas," and make a variety of uniquely breakfast brews. In a way, all beer is made from "cereal"—what are oats and wheat and barley if not the most boring adult cereals. Luckily, Kuhnhenn produces ones more inspired by the brightly-colored boxes with cartoon pitchman and a prize at the bottom. They have a Lucky Charms Lager and Cocoa Puffs Stout, but their best cereal beer is a salute to our favorite unaccredited Cap'n this side of Sheriff Clarke.

Pop-Tart

When the Bay Area's beloved brewery moved to new digs in 2015, they wanted to make a beer to celebrate. They quickly realized their location had formerly been the site of an, ahem, "toaster pastry factory" (and surely not some breakfast mega-brand you've undoubtedly heard of). They honored that legacy by making a red ale with biscuity malts creating a crust-like flavor, with additional malts popping in a tart, strawberry jam note. Unlike Arizona Wilderness, Kellogg's legal team seems to have given this one a free pass.

Bagels

Bagels are indisputably the best breakfast bread—fuck yo' croissants. For this brew, Cambridge spent a few months collecting day-old bagels from nearby Mamaleh's Delicatessen. They eventually threw those into the brew kettle alongside barley and rye malt. The bagel flavors utilized included plain, sesame, rye, and pumpernickel—why no everything?!—which made for a slightly sweet, dark lager. And, despite the name, no smoked salmon were harmed in the process.)

Of course, if all these breakfast beers haven't quite done the trick for you, there's now bagel whiskey!

Aaron GoldfarbAaron Goldfarb lives in Brooklyn and is a novelist and the author of 'Hacking Whiskey.'

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