Teenage Breakup – who’s More Upset?

Teen broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. They were both sixteen at the end of last year and had been together for almost two years.

It’s sad. But I don’t know who’s more upset….. him…. or ME!

No one tells you when you become a parent that it feels rubbish when your son/daughter breaks up with someone you really like!

I mean, what’s the etiquette here?

Teen’s girlfriend and I used to text, sometimes…. but is it ok for me to text her now? Can we continue to be friends? Because that’s what she became really….. I still want to know if she’s ok, how she’s getting on with school, how her parents are…. they were lovely and Teen got along so well with them, they even took him on holiday last year!

It’s fair to say this little teenage relationship was a big thing for all involved.

As you can imagine, I became rather fond of Girlfriend, you can’t help but become attached when someone has been a part of your life for that long. I looked upon her as being one of the family. My daughter loved her, as did my twins, who don’t take to people well, she came out with us and she spent a fair bit of time at our house.

Teen and Girlfriend when she came with us to the Harry Potter tour

They were incredibly cute together, always laughing and giggling… they got along so well and had a similar sense of humour! They were inseparable. If they weren’t together, they were chatting on the phone or over Skype. She always seemed to be around in that sense! They were very silly and jovial with each other, but also terribly affectionate. It was very sweet.

It was nice for me too, as his Mum, to see their relationship blossom, to witness my boy growing up and having a serious relationship. Taking care of her… he would rush to her if she was upset about anything, always make sure she got home safely if they went out and was there for her if she’d had a bad day. They were only 14 and in year 9 at school when they first started going out. They didn’t go to the same school, which probably worked better, but now they’re in year 11 and doing their GCSE’s in a few months time so really, they’ve probably spent the biggest learning curve of their lives so far… together. I believe they loved each other very much.

This was at Greenwich Park last Easter. Teen had a broken wrist and that’s my daughter in the middle of them!

So what went wrong?

Teen and I are very close and he tells me most things, but he’s gone very quiet about the reasons for the break up, just telling me that it’s her, seeming almost angry at her. But it just doesn’t make sense at all as I know she was very, very upset…. which gets me thinking it may be something he’s done wrong. They’ve had the odd blip in the past, they’re young, it’s to be expected. She’s upset him, he’s upset her….

But this time I just don’t know. I want to find out. Not that I’m being nosy or anything (I am) but also so I can try to understand and maybe help.

It’s tempting to intervene.

But Teen’s a very strong character and he’s made the decision to not go into the finer details with me, his prerogative, so I may never know exactly what’s gone on. He’s not a big, solitude thinker and he definitely doesn’t dwell on things but I still worry. He’s my son and I feel for him. He’s shrugging it off though, telling me he’s not bothered. He’s getting on with school, gym, rugby, friends etc, he’s always full of beans and super busy, so that’s good. But I know it is bothering him, a little, I know him so well. I’m just glad he’s not the type to mope around, or is sitting in his room heartbroken.. gosh that WOULD be tough to deal with!

Teen get’s a lot of female attention, always has done. But for now, he just wants to spend time with his friends. He’s not interested in other girls and I’m glad. I don’t want him to get involved with anyone else. He needs a break…. And besides, I’m not ready, ha!

He’s got so much going on at the moment and needs to concentrate on his GCSE’s. And even though I know girlfriends will come and go….. It’s hardly likely that he would’ve stayed with Girlfriend forever, given that they’re so young now, but this is something that as parents, we never think about when our kids are young. It’s a whole new phenomenon to deal with… Along with the many others we face along the parenting journey! All we can do is be there for them.

But I liked her.

And I miss her being around. This was my adored son’s first real love, and so she will always have a special place in my heart too.

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It’s so lovely to see that you adored her as much as your son (a very rare thing nowadays). It’s difficult to not get in the middle, but I would ask your son if he is happy for you to text just to see how she is doing.

I don’t have a first hand experience with this problem… yet … but I remember how much my parents missed my first BF… every boy after him was always compared to Mr.M and even now 20+ years later they still sometimes remind me of him and pass news updating me what he is up to… it is strange but I guess this is the way it is and always will be.

I think it’s ok to send her a little text, she probably would appreciate it, even if you don’t stay in contact, I think it would be good for you to put yourself out there and let her know you’re thinking of her too? x

My eldest is 12 and I hadn’t really thought of these ‘issues’. I always try to believe that things will get easier as they get older… but as a friend, with older children, recently told me, ‘the things you worry about just change’!

Awwww…sounds like a tough time 🙁 If I were in your shoes, I’d probably text her to let her know that you’re sad that it happened – she might well feel like he could have said things about her to you that are preventing her from getting in touch… You might get more answers about what happened too! x

That’s so hard! It sounds like they had a lovely relationship and great that you got on so well with her. Sounds like she was way more part of your family than I am my MIL’s after being with my husband for nearly 22 years! I remember my boyfriend’s mum when I was 18 used to adore me and spoil me. I felt so bad leaving her!

This is a perspective that I hadn’t really thought about before and it is really interesting to read about the position you are in. What a shame. If it was me, I would probably text her. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

Bless, such a lovely and sad post.
I actually still speak and see my exs mum a fair bit, we were teenagers when we got together and stayed together for 5 years. She was like a second mum so it’s natural to stay in touch.

It’s sad when these things happen. As a guy who went through something similar in my teens I’d advise you to cut ties with her and move on with everyone else. As heartbroken as everyone is now, its better it happens now and he enjoys his journey into adulthood before settling down.

This must be really hard. I never fully appreciated the impact that my relationships could have on my parents during my teens and early twenties. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with these issues just yet!

Hi all, I’m in the same boat….my 18 year old has just broke up with his GF who has lived with us for just over a year and I’m devastated. I feel I’ve lost a child of my own and don’t know what to do. my son seems fine as it was his choice and as his parent, I support him 100% but, I am hurting for his ex as; she is heartbroken. she has a horrid home life (mum has no home and has just been committed to psych ward and no close family to stay with, care is an option) she is also very insecure emotionally and I really feel for her, so much so my heart is breaking. How do I deal with these feelings? should I be this attached to someone else’s child? I desperately want to bring her back home but this is not an option for my son’s sake….Help and advice welcome.

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Hi there, I'm Carolynne, and I'm a Mum of four... identical twins, a tween and a troublesome Teen! I work part time and love going to the theatre and days out with my children! I enjoy writing my little blog here and I really hope you enjoy reading x