Posts Tagged ‘Presidential Race’

Weber beats Lampson in CD14.
Obama 303, Romney 203, Florida and Alaska undecided. And Obama is edging Romney in the popular vote as well, but not by much.
Fox calls election for Obama. Still not sure I trust the Wisconsin call. It looks like Romney may very well win the popular vote. Even so, I still don’t believe in abolishing the electoral college.
Fox calls Ohio for Obama. That may be all she wrote.
All annoying local news now.
PBS calls Iowa for Obama.
Obama still up .5% in Florida with 94% of the vote in.
Florida, Florida, Florida.
Any way this turns out, this is 1% difference election.
No, Romney playing the bio film at the GOP convention wouldn’t have made any difference.
AP RACE CALL: Romney wins North Carolina.
Maybe we should have nominated #Hypnotoad.
David Brooks (click) Elizabeth Warren (click) Crowd interview (click) Grrrrr
Whether Obama wins or not, GOP house should refuse to pass a debt limit increase, and force government to live within it’s means.
Hit my tweet limit!
[Swing state name here] Too close to call. Repeat as necessary.
Looks like it’s going to be a long night before this thing is decided.
7:23 Romney up in VA, FL too close to call, but Panhandle polls close late, and that’s Romney territory.
Everything in the battleground states is too close to call.
6:50 PM
ROMNEY: Kentucky, Indiana, West Virginia, South Carolina
OBAMA:Vermont
#ElectionNightSurprises: Fox News calls race for Obama, ABC for Romney, CBS for Gary Johnson, CNN for Jill Stein, and MSNBC for the reanimated corpse of Howard Taft
Please note that I will be live-blogging andlive-tweeting the election tonight as the returns roll in starting around 7 PM CST. Judging from my live-tweeting of the debates, there’s a good chance I’ll “exceed the tweet limit”, so you’ll want to check both places for pithy insight and wily snark.

Meanwhile, Obama is drawing crowds in Ohio between 2,800 and 4,000. That’s a good crowd…for a Whitesnake concert. It’s pretty piss poor for the President of the United States of America. I guess it’s hard to draw a crowd when you already have the stink of failure on you.

(I would like to apologize in advance to any Whitesnake fans offended by crowd size comparisons to Obama. If you believe limited government, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy welcomes you whether you’re a hair metal fan, a brony, a hipster, a juggalo, or even a furry (I thought it best not to link anything for that one), as long as you’re voting against Obama!)

It seems that during the divorce proceeding of Staples founder founder Tom Stemberg 20 years ago, Mitt Romney may have misvalued the profit potential for shares of Staples, with the result that the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo. While the congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events—

Oh wait, sorry, I accidentally spaced out for a moment and started channeling the opening crawl from The Phantom Menace, probably because it was the only thing I could think of less interesting than a stock valuation issue from a 20-year old divorce proceeding. Indeed, if the general public is given a choice between ancient divorce/stock value questions, or Jar Jar Binks reciting The Federalist Papers, then meesa thinksa yousa gonna be called ona to deliberate ona thisa newa Constitution!

This is a game-changer only if the game is “see if you can bore yourself to sleep.” A real game-changer would be something like “In Baghdad in 1990, Tom Stemberg, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and I all snorted blow off Fawn Hall’s ass.” That’s about as likely as Mila Kunis showing up on my doorstep asking to be my love slave. The whole reason Mitt is poised to win this thing (beside Obama’s mind-numbing incompetence and the senses-dulling numbness of the Liberal Reality Bubble) is because he’s no fun at parties. If he had any real baggage New Gingrich’s opposition people would have unpacked it a long time ago. He’s so clean he squeaks, which must infuriate Obama’s dirty tricks team to no end. “Damn your clean nose and upright moral values, you vile Mormon!”

Sure, illegally unsealing an opponent’s divorce records is Obama’s finishing move, but given the distinct lack of any prurient interest angle, even the most devoted Journolista will struggle to breath life into this pathetic non-scandal.

Romney Closing Statement: I’m optimistic. I want a strong, peaceful America. Obama will mean $20 trillion in deficits, more jobs. Washington is broken, I know what it takes to get us back. I can work cross the aisle. This nation is the hope of the earth.

Obama’s Closing Statement: It’s all Bush’s fault. Romney wants to go back to Bush’s failed 5% unemployment. I’ve got an economic plan that I mysteriously haven’t tried to implement. I want to turn our education over to teacher’s unions. I want to reduce the deficit, just like I’ve done the last 4 years. I will work every single day to improve my golf game. [Note: This summary may contain irony]

Bob Scheafer: We all love teachers.

Obama brought up the “failed policies” of Bush and now Romney is wailing on Obama’s economic record.

#debate Obama: Anyone can check the record. And the record is that Obama handed out crony subsidies to Democratic donor friends.

Mitt Romney just kept slamming them out of the park at the Alfred E. Smith Dinner. “In the spirit of Sesame Street tonight, the President’s remarks are brought to you by the letter O and the number 16 trillion.”

Hempstead, N.Y.: All across the country, millions of unemployed Americans expressed relief and gratitude that Obama finally addressed their most important issue at last night’s Presidential debate: assault weapons.

“I’m glad Obama is finally tackling assault weapons,” said Barbara Rheems, taking a brief pause from brushing her teeth in the 1998 Honda Civic that has been her home for the last three years. “I think that’s the greatest concern facing our country.”

“Thank God Nina Gonzales had the courage to ask about assault weapons,” said Richard Smith, an unemployed construction worker, speaking from the cot in his mother’s basement. “I can’t think of a single more pressing issue.”

“Assault weapons terrify me,” said mother Gladys Castle, who was busy preparing an “Obama soup” made from pilfered ketchup packets for her three hungry children. “I’m afraid that at any moment they might burst out of closets and gun safes and start shooting people.”

“Well it’s about time someone dealt with America’s biggest challenge, which is reinstating the Clinton-era assault weapons ban,” said Tom Feller, who spoke to us from behind his homemade cardboard WILL WORK ANY JOB/HAVE CHILDREN TO FEED/GOD BLESS sign. “The fact is that Americans just don’t need a weapon that has any two of a folding stock, a pistol grip, a bayonet mount, or a flash suppressor, and it’s high time we moved to disarm ordinary Americans citizens who purchased such weapons in a completely lawful manner.”

A CNN poll of America’s unemployed showed that assault weapons were far and away the most pressing issue this election, with 78% citing them as their biggest concern, while those who said that their top issue was forcing Catholics to pay for contraception were a distant second at 19%.

Watching and listening to Romney now, who do you agree with more: Mitt Romney, or reporters sounding outraged at his criticisms of the Obama Administration?

Both the Obama Administration and their lapdog media surrogates seem far more interested in defeating Obama’s political opponent than America’s Jihadest enemies, or telling the American people the truth.