A Forum for Orthodox Jewish thought on Halacha, Hashkafa, and the social issues of our time.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Are Today's Gedolim Truly Role Models?

Guest
Post by Shalom Bayit Lover

Shalom Bayit Lover (a pseudonym) describes himself as an "Open Charedi" - one who lives deeply within a Charedi community, sharing much of the value system -
but not all. He teaches Judaic
studies within a broad spectrum of religious school systems. Over the last
decade, he has been working in outreach and family guidance, and hopes to soon
complete a book about the Torah insights that inform his work

The
subject matter is timely, important, and yet very controversial - especially for someone who is so deeply embedded in the Charedi world. I have therefore
over-looked the fact that he is writing this anonymously. Something I rarely do. As
always, the opinions expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect my
own. His words follow.

In
an article posted on Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn's Daas Torah blog on December 27th, a chareidi husband, in the midst of a messy divorce
case in an Israeli state religious court, gives voice to a growing cadre of people
who rail about the "divorce racket" that is growing within the
orthodox Jewish world. He claims to have
inside knowledge of a sub-culture within the chareidi ranks which is, slowly
but surely, joining the modern band wagon of supporting divorce-on-demand for
women.

This
besieged chareidi husband is attempting to push back. He does so by claiming that
the divorce-now trend, which was once blamed squarely on the modern ideologies
which characterize the Modern Orthodox (MO) movements, has not only reached the
innermost chambers of the chareidi world (the opinion of a widely recognized Gadol)
but has surpassed the MO's in its flagrant disregard for the spirit of the law!

I'd
like to explore this thesis.

One
distinction between died-in-the-wool chareidim and their MO counterparts is the
means they believe in employing for the persuasion of a husband to concede to
his wife's demands to nullify their bond.
On one hand they bitterly condemn the feminist organizations for their anti-men
agendas which take far too many chareidi women to secular courts to do their
bidding, audaciously against normative halacha; on the other hand they clandestinely
produce goons like "orthodox" Rabbi Epstein to do their enforcing
with much grosser, violent lawlessness than the MO's would have ever dreamed. The
explanation, I believe, is that chareidim, when they become practical, tend to
do so with such a divine fervency that they are bound to have more disrespect,
even disdain, for someone who crosses their authority. If a husband dares to hold out based on an
ideological stance – he'll find himself up against a wall of striking
insensitivity.

This
is what happened in the case in question.
Let's check it out and glean some
information about this case from the Daas Torah post and the comments.

They
are a chareidi middle aged couple going nowhere in court for three years. He is
asking for couples counseling before considering divorce for what has been in
his view, by and large, a blessed marriage suddenly thrown into crisis. She utterly refuses, claiming that she has
suffered for years within an abusive marriage and can no longer stand to hear
even hear him. The court has no choice
but hear witnesses from each side.

To
employ a helpful metaphor, we could say that the wife is like a first mate to a
ship captain who suddenly, after years of devoted partnership, decides to
abandon ship… and asks him to sign a furlough. He reacts with appall and
condemns her lack of loyalty. She responds
by defending her right to survive the stinking, faulty device he has for too
long called a ship. He's incredulous,
claiming that whatever faults the ship has can be repaired, if only they would
work together. She is offended at the audacity of this argument - that she
should even consider lending a hand at repairing what was his responsibility –
and drives the point home by threatening to drill a hole in the ship until he
lets her out!

The
captain, now at wit's end, retorts with "proofs" about how well they fared
on their decades of ship-journeying, and that her "mutiny" will not
just hurt him, but also the other mates (the kids) who remain on board.

She
sticks her fingers in her ears.

That's
when the husband goes to the Gadol. He cries out to him for sage advice. But
the Gadol merely asks a technical question (whether he's a Kohen, who wouldn't
be able to remarry his wife) and then offers a crass dismissiveness: "Daven…
BOOAH!" (pray… and then a bizarrely curt abbreviation for the blessing bracha
v'hatzlocha).

Think
about it. This Gadol, to stay with the
metaphor, is like an admiral. The captain is s.o.s.'ing him about a sinking
ship; a collapsing bayis neeman. Yet the admiral has not a second to spare in
relating to him; not even the willingness to give a bracha with some heart!

Methinks
it's time to question the viability of the fleet.

As
per so many articles to grace the Jewish blogosphere which critique the
disconnect between what is traditionally considered the divine oracles known as
Gedolim and the reality of what salt-of-the-earth, simple Jews suffer – this
case brings into bold relief what's wrong with Jewish orthodoxy, especially the
fervent, Gadol-worshipping version. It reminds me of the chazal about the end
of days, when gentiles will be begging Hashem to be given the "easy"
Mitzvah of Succah in order to receive similar rewards as that coming to the
Jews (help me, someone, with the reference).
Hashem complies … until terrible weather makes one resent the dismal non-protectiveness
of his Succah, at which points he kicks it and exits. Chazal conclude: That's why the goyim don't get the 613. Even though it's permissible, and some say
even proper, to leave a Succah that is an objective hassle to remain within, it
should nevertheless be cherished and certainly not kicked!

Another
famous chazal is that the Mizbeakh weeps at every divorce. Shouldn't the greatest representatives of
chazal today be demonstrating similar sentiments? And if we're in the age of ethical
working-from-the-bottom-up, shouldn't we be seeking ways to let our Gedolim
know that we need help in keeping our holy nation from kicking at even the most
dissatisfying of marriages, espcially when the war drums of divorce are
beating?

In
other words, the issue at hand for us is not whether this couple should divorce
or not, before or after couples counseling, but how to stop the religious system
which produces Succah Goyim, in droves; Mitzvah addicts who fixate on quick
rewards, which if they can't get them, then they'll "move on" to
bigger and better Mitzvahs!

One
thing should be clear: the kicking out at sinking marriages is un-Jewish. Conversely,
if ever there should be chinnuch (education) for a mitzvah l'shma (purely
religious act), it should be the mitzvah of divorce. It should be approached
with awe and humility and mournful certainty that it is the last resort. The parties should be absolutely clear that
theirs is a truly sinking ship; a cherished Succah that must be exited due to a
relentless storm.

Remember
the Mishna: B'makom sh'ein eesh? It's
time that we very much non-gedolim take the bull by the horns and begin to
drive this message home. Otherwise, one
rotten apple (the way we do the mitzvah of divorce) can
spoil the whole bunch.

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About Me

My outlook on Judaism is based mostly on the teachings of my primary Rebbe, Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik from whom I received my rabbinic ordination. It is also based on a search for spiritual truth. Among the various sources that put me on the right path, two great philosophic works stand out: “Halakhic Man” and “Lonely Man of Faith” authored by the pre-eminent Jewish philosopher and theologian, Rabbi, Dr. Joseph B. Soloveitchik. Of great significance is Rabbi, Dr. Norman Lamm's conceptualization and models of Torah U’Mada and Dr. Eliezer Berkovits who introduced me to the world of philosophic thought. Among my early influences were two pioneers of American Elementary Torah Chinuch, Rabbis Shmuel Kaufman and Yaakov Levi. The Yeshivos I attended were Yeshivas Telshe for early high school and more significantly, the Hebrew Theological College where for a period of ten years, my Rebbeim included such great Rabbinic figures as Rabbis Mordechai Rogov, Shmaryahu Meltzer, Yaakov Perlow, Herzl Kaplan, and Selig Starr. I also attended Roosevelt University where I received my Bachelor's Degree - majoring in Psychology.