Newborns intrude on dazed fans

Today I address the hilarious topic of a major league baseball player catching flak for taking paternity leave for three reasons. Please note that the player's wife did not birth triplets; I'm addressing the matter for three reasons:

•This is my third consecutive sports-related column, a verbal hat trick if you will, or, as my critics would call it, a three-strike out, as many people are apoplectic about my criticism of Jerry Remy.

•I cannot believe a man would be blasted for taking three days of paternity leave, as though his absence would somehow result in someone's demise, as opposed to a missed double-play opportunity.

•The topic reminds me of a funny observation by Dave Barry, one of the most humorous writers on the planet if you don't count "Q," aka Steve Quist, a frequent poster on the Telegram website, who remains in constant danger of being crushed beneath a pile of outraged exclamation points.

So there's a second baseman for the New York Mets named Daniel Murphy, and he's missing a few games because his child displayed the bad judgment to be born on opening day.Murphy went to Florida for the birth and took three days of paternity leave.

Now, far be it from me to observe that most major league baseball games are so long that Murphy could have flown to Florida, aided in his son's birth, opened a college fund and been back in time for the bottom of the fourth. It's also worth noting that the Mets play more than 160 games, and last year Murphy only missed one of them. Regardless, he's been skewered by a gaggle of overgrown boys with too much time on their hands, otherwise known as New York sports talk radio.

"One day, I understand," said host Mike Francesa. "Go see the baby be born and come back. You're a Major League Baseball player, you can hire a nurse to take care of the baby ... Are you gonna sit there and look at your wife in the hospital bed for two days?"

Francesa said he was present for the birth of his children, then back to work the next day, presumably scraping fur from wooly mammoths. And former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason said he would have told his wife to have a Caesarean section before the season. He promptly apologized, and I would have bought tickets to be at his dinner table that evening.

But it's once again clear that many men consider sports the most important thing in the world, as underscored by Dave Barry when he recalled how his mostly-male softball team didn't trust the team's only female: "They know, deep in their souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she probably would elect to save the infant's life, without even considering whether there were men on base."

Yes, some men routinely go insanely bonkers about the most meaningless stuff, which of course brings me to Q. Our favorite Internet troll was in fine fettle last week when his head exploded in response to my suggestion that Jerry Remy should step down as announcer for the Red Sox.

"In the world of the lil princess di it so easy to pass judgement on others when she herself could never ever walk in another persons shoe."

Yes, I grant that it would be excruciating to walk in a single shoe, but Q wasn't the only one to suggest I'm an arrogant judgmental moron who should get a "real" job, as though this one is a figment of my imagination.

And yes, as a barren crone, I can't say how I would respond if my son were a violent sociopath. But I do know, if his wife had a baby, I would encourage him to take full advantage of paternity leave, especially if he played for the Mets, because they apparently stink anyway.

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