Friday, 4 January 2013

2012 Flashback.

"The hills are alive with the presence of a complete loon"

2012. Wow, what a year!

I don't even know where to begin, but here goes...

It's only on reflection of the year, when you really sit down and think about it, that you realise it may have possibly been the worst and best year of your life. I know that is hard to get your head around, "how could it have possibly been the best AND worst?", but it really was, and that's the only way I can describe it. The start of the year is a bit of a blur for me. (I could completely side step the reasons, but I am a normal person, and my life isn't perfect, and you are all my friends). Come August of this year, I came out of a relationship that consumed me and took control over many aspects of my life. My anxiety at this point had spiralled completely out of control and I was a very broken person, pretending to be happy and continuing to smile on the outside. I tried with everything I had in me to make something toxic work, to be perfect for someone who didn't care about me. It's only once you a free from the situation, that you realise how messed up the situation really was, and that's exactly what happened to me. I won't go into mammoth detail, and there are things only a handful of my closest friends and family know, but it was a very hard time for me. All I hope is that if you are unhappy with something in your life, and you are being completely clouded by negativity and loosing sight of who you are because of how someone else treats you, please have a long hard think. We only get one chance at life, and you deserve nothing but happiness and to be surrounded by people who bring out the best in you. From August onwards, this is exactly what I did.

I feel as though I am cheating somewhat by starting my year from August instead of January, but really, that is where my year began, and everything turned around for me, and I became Zoe again (as cheesy as that sounds, I was beginning to get my spark back). Bad part of the year now out the way, let's get onto the good things that made it the best year ever...

Louise turned 25 again this year, and we celebrated in her hometown with Fleur. It was a night filled with girly chatter, pervy men, big fluttery eyelashes, cake and giggles. Although it was very touch and go about whether I'd be able to go into a crowded club and stay there for longer than 5 minutes without dashing to the door, both girls made me feel okay about the situation, and I actually managed to stay out the whole night without a trace of anxiety. Win.

Joe started making YouTube videos and we both embarked on the YouTube journey together. It's one thing sitting making videos chatting away to yourself, thinking that your family probably think you are a complete nutter, but it's so cool to actually discover that they think what you're doing is amazing, and they are proud of you. I loved that Joe decided to give it a whirl too, and he's doing amazingly! You can go to his YouTube channel HERE. He can't think making videos is uncool if he's doing it too! ;)

One of my favourite days of the whole year, was whenLouise, Tiyana and Darcy came to stay at mine, and we went to Longleat for the day. Longleat is a safari and amusement park here in the South West. The day completely cheered me up and we all has such an amazing time that I forgot what being sad was!

This year, I feel that although we were already such great friends, our friendship was cemented and Louise and I became the best of friends. You only ever see us larking about in videos together, exchanging banter on twitter and uploading still images on Instagram, but beneath all that, Louise was the one person this year that was there for me no matter what. I never felt alone because I always knew she was just a phone call away at any time, and she was the one who helped me get my spark back, and held my hand through everything. I really don't know what I would have done without her. She knows how much I love her and value her as a friend, and that whenever she needs me i'm there for her too. If I could award a "man of the match" in terms of "best person in 2012", that would certainly go to Louise. *makes award*.

Another thing that I have loved about 2012, is seeing Darcy grow into a little lady. I know she is not my child but I care about her a lot, and I feel hugely privileged that I get to share moments of her life growing up. I love the cute little moments Louise shares with her too (like the one pictured below). Darcy now gets excited when I arrive to stay, sad when I leave and looks for me in the dining room (where i sleep on a sofa bed) when I'm not there. It melts my heart. They are both my two favourite ladies, and never cease to put a huge smile on my face.

At the end of the year, I decided to say yes to more things. This resulted in me going to YouTube parties and more events (like Summer In The City), meeting other youtubers and viewers and really feeling a huge sense of involvement. Through this I also made friends with so many other people who I value very highly in my life now. You know when you just meet people, and spend a lot of time with them, and you instantly all click because you all have so much in common? That's exactly what happened. I never realised genuine, honest, nice people were so easy to find, and this was so refreshing after the horrid start to the year. I was spending time with people that brought out the best in me and made me feel happy!

I also said "yes" to going to Reading Festival for the day. No accomplishment for a lot of you, but for me it was a big deal. I went with my brother and met up with Alfie (Pointlessblog) and had an amazing day/night. I got to see one my favourite bands Two Door Cinema Club, but most importantly felt a huge sense of accomplishment that i'd managed to go to something like this and not run away in a panic. I stayed, and I enjoyed myself.

Louise and I took a trip up to Manchester to visit our fellow blogging friend El (AThriftyMrs). I had never ventured that far north in my brum brum before, but the journey up, the day there and the journey back were all so memorable for me. I laughed all day with friends. It's certainly a day that really sticks out for me. El is one of the loveliest people you will ever meet. She is so warm and genuine and such a giggle! (her blog is also one of my all time favourites). Louise and I also had a 2.5 hour singing and bopping session in the car on the way up, where Louise was singing "call me maybe" to fellow lorry drivers as I giggled in the drivers seat. The journey home was also something I will always remember, as we had one of those really deep, meaningful conversations that last 3 hours but feel like you've been talking for 10 minutes. My favourite kind!

Come September I went to London Fashion Week (on my own - WOAH THERE) and spent the day snapping away at pretty people with amazing hair, faces and clothes. I also met up with my fellow blogging chum Lily (What I Heart Today) where we took London Fashion Week posing to the next level. P.S. Lily's blog has been one of my 2012 favourite reads so do go over and see for yourself.

I bit the bullet and uploaded a video surrounding everything anxiety and panic attack related. I was very nervous to upload this video, as writing feelings down is a lot easier than speaking them out loud, and it made me feel very vulnerable and exposed. I think it's easy for people to forget that underneath videos and blogposts, I am a normal girl with problems just like you, I just don't always talk about them. The response I received from the video was so overwhelming that it actually brought many a tear to my eye. I would even go as far as saying I feel like it was my biggest achievement of the year, because it meant that I got to help so many of you, and that's what really meant the most to me. I knew that if it helped just one of you, it was 100% worth it. Just turns out that I helped a lot more than one person and you will never understand just how much comfort that brings me :)

Towards the end of the year, we went to the DailyMix launch party. 5 of us all stayed in a hotel in London and really made the most of our night. It was so fun getting to spend the evening surrounded by amazing friends and swanky drinks and canapés. Beauty/YouTube events were something I used to love going to since 2010, but with my recent bad bout of anxiety they almost seemed like a thing of the past so I was excited that I managed to stay out and have a hoot with all my favourite people!

Photo by Paul Monckton

So there we have it, the best and worst year of my life all rolled into one blog post. Thank you all for joining me on my journey, for leaving me an abundance of amazing comments, messages and emails throughout my entire social networking-dom and for supporting me through the hard times and the good times. I'm so pleased that I get to share the things I get up to with you all, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Massive hugs to those of you who have been here at the beginning in 2009 and to those of you who may have just started watching or reading in 2013 and also everyone in between. I hope you all had an amazing year and that you if you didn't, you learnt from it and 2013 will be a fresh start for you.

This is such a lovely post & collection of memories! You being so open & honest about your anxiety is truly inspiring & encouraging - especially with things like going to Reading. I hope this year continues to bring you the happiness you've had since August :) xx

Wow Zoe! You had such an amazing year and made the most of it. We are all so proud of you for sharing it all with us and having the courage to do that. When I watched your anxiety video, I kept thinking to myself, "There is no way I could do that." You have been such an inspiration to me, in making active changes in your life and not letting anything get in your way of having a great time! I love your friendship with Louise and how genuinely amazing you appear! I've loved watching your videos and reading your blogs all year and I'm so glad that I've been able to 'share this journey with you'.

Best of luck for 2013! I wish you every happiness and success for the year to come.xxx

This is such an amazing post. You're so brave and beautiful and I love watching your videos and reading your blog. I was feeling down at Christmas but after watching your videos with Joe they cheered me right up and I even have my sister hooked on your videos now. You're the best out there!I hope you have a fab 2012, New year, new start :)

You have been my biggest inspiration for anxiety, I know you must get this a lot but I truly mean it. This year i'm having a fresh start and taking on your advice of 'just saying yes'. I feel a lot happier in myself already! Love the blog post, happy new year! :)

Just loved reading this post Zoe, sounds like you had a lovely 2012 (from August onwards), and am looking forward to your blog posts in 2013! I've just started up a blog - you don't have to read it, I'm just letting you know that you inspired me to make it!:) x

such a positive and inspiring recap, all these memories sound great and i know how you feel about your year starting in august... some years just go like that! thanks for sharing zoe, forget the bad, embrace the good :) here's to a better 2013!

Your year sounds amazing! I hope you have just as good year or maybe even better this year :) I love your blog and your YouTube channel! You were one of my BIGGEST inspirations to start a blog and a YouTube channel :) And i am also glad Joe started one, i love his videos :) If you dont mind do you think you could follow my blog and check out my YouTube channel and let me know what you think and what you think i can improve on:) http://www.youtube.com/user/CkIiBe/videos?flow=grid&view=0 It would mean so much :) Thank you xx :)

I love this post Zoe! And you can really see the difference in you from how you act in your videos and can tell that you are loads happier now! You have also influenced me to create my own blog and having suffered from anxiety in the past myself, I was really nervous to do it, but now I have I love it! So Thank you for that :)http://beautybliss14.wordpress.com/ xx

I'm so, so proud of you Zoe, it takes such a lot of courage and strength to a) tackle your inner demons and b) help so many other by discussing it so openly. So, SO much respect for you lovely girl, I hope 2013 is an incredible year for you.

Zoe, this is the sweetest post ever. I'm so sorry that the start of 2012 wasn't the best but I'm glad you had a better end to the year! I started watching your videos&reading your blog in June 2012 and since then I've seen how much more cheery you've become. So thank YOU for brightnening MY day and I hope that Autumn/Winter 2012 now tops Summer 2010 (which you said was the best time of your life!)XOXwww.teenbeautyowl.blogspot.com

This was such a lovely post to read. I'm currently suffering terribly from anxiety and panic attacks, so much so that before day I hadn't even left the house for 10 days, oops. So reading this has gave me hope that things can change, and things can get better. Whenever I'm feeling down and anxious, I watch your youtube video on it and/or read your blog posts on it (the just say yes one is a fave) - I find it really helps me a lot. You're such an inspiration, and after recently starting blogging myself (well, I've been blogging a whole week) I'm actually debating whether to create a series of posts about anxiety/panic attacks and how to deal with it - I'd love to help people as much as you have! You've helped me to see the light when I've been having a really dark time.

Thank you an awful amount, it's great to see how much your anxiety has improved, I hope 2013 brings more fun for you!

This post like all your others is so inspirational. I really see you as an amazing role model. Your human like the rest of us but so creative, kind and fun and I could only hope to be like you one day. Your panic attacks video made me cry but it was truly a blessing and I didn't feel so abnormal in a world that can sometime appear to be full of confident out going people. I really can't wait to see what you have planned for 2013, I'll always follow your blog and videos, I can't wait to see where your life takes you next. You deserve every success! xxxxx

This entire post made me feel so pleased and happy for you that despite some rather rubbish moments earlier on in the year, you turned it around and gained many positive memories to remember in the future.WELL DONE for getting out of a relationship that didn't make you happy, I too had to do the same thing - it was difficult but I don't regret it for one second! The majority of my 2012 is pretty much one big bad memory for me but I'm so determined to make 2013 full of happy, positive memories and I hope that will be the same for you too :)

Oh and everything you wrote about Louise was lovely :) I'm sure she's so grateful to have a friend like you too!

You really inspire me, even through all the tough themes that you have gone through, you still remain the bright, happy Zoe that we all know and love! I hope that 2013 can only get better for you and thanks for inspiring me to set up my own beauty/fashion/lifestyle blog xxxx

This is such a lovely post! I think your blog is definitely one of my 2012 reads! I feel a bit more confident about my anxiety just from reading your post and knowing that i'm not alone. :)I feel like I have been able to push my depression away with the help of blogging. Darcy looks like a litte gem! So cute!! Philippaxxp.s sorry for the cheesy comment

sounds like you had an amazing (half of) 2012 with many great memories :) i love ready all about what goes on in your life and you are definitely one of my biggest inspirationsi hope 2013 is even more amazing for you :)youre amazing, love you xx

This. I am honestly so happy you turned your year around, I am in the midst of a bad period of anxiety and you remind me that it is possible to overcome it. I genuinely give you all the luck in the world that 2013 you have a whole year of amazingly good things xx

I'm so glad that you're happy now and have gotten rid of something significantly bad in your life!! You might not know this but you make such a difference you inspire people and you cheer them up as well!

You inspired me to write my blog (which I now love to write) and I look forward to reading your blog posts, no matter how long or short :) x.

I feel so privileged to have gone through those experiences with you, through your blog posts and youtube. Your so inspirational and I feel like i've made a new friend even though I haven't met you in person. Keep up your amazing work and have a lovely 2013. Hannah xx

I have been reading your blog and following your videos for years now, and I think it really needs to be said-- you are a fabulous person. Yes, I enjoy reading your posts and watching your videos because you are talented, funny and charming- but mostly because your happiness always brings a smile to my face. I can say with certainty that watching your fashion and beauty videos strengthened my confidence in my own style.

I wish you the best for 2013. May your year be filled with happiness, good health, success and most of all love.

You are one of my favourite youtubers/bloggers and it instantly makes my day to see you've uploaded a new post or video. I truly admire how you turned your life around and how you stopped the likes of anxiety and other negative things from ruling you and stopping your from doing things. You are such an inspiration and i truly admire the confidence and the courage that it must have took for you to do that.

Your blog has also encourged/inspired me to start one of my own, ive been doing it for just over a year now and i love it so much. Im so happy that you and your blog gave me that final push (link below if you're interested)

Thank you so much for sharing such intimate details and for allowing us to be apart of your life. I look forward to seeing future posts, videos and what 2013 brings.All the best & Happy New Year!Natalie xxyouralmostalice.blogspot.com

This was a truly inspiring post, and im so glad you changed your life around after as you deserve nothing but the best(: I am so glad you started saying yes to more things, which in 2013 this is something i MUST do more. I hope you have a fully fantastic year in 2013 Zoe(:

Really enjoyed reading this, Zoella. I'm sure it must have been cathartic for you as you put your year down on "paper" You most certainly have come a long ways. And I look forward to see what lies ahead for you. You are a wise and witty lady :)

I really didn't think any of this had happened to you Zoe but I'm so glad that you have learnt from it. You are such a genuine person. I wish I could say i'd be there for you if you needed someone to talk to but seeing as we are complete strangers that can't happen. I hope 2013 is much better/just as good for you because you deserve it!

Such a great post! You are such an inspiration and I hope that your happiness continues in 2013! Your blog is one of my favorites to read and your videos are amazing and so funny too!! :) ♥http://abeautyromancee.blogspot.co.uk

Wow Zoe, this was such an inspirational post I don't even know where to begin. There have been some difficult moments for me too throughout 2012 however it was an incredible year for me and definitely the best!This post has made me realise that you just need to put the bad times behind you and take the new year as a new beginning!I'm so glad that you're happy right now as you really deserve to be!!!You're a wonderful person!Thankyou!!!Caitlin xxxhttp://caitlinn-mary.blogspot.co.uk/

over the last couple of months you have fast become one of my favourite youtubers, your honesty with your anxiety is something that I found really refreshing and allowed me to feel that my own anxiety won't hold me back either.

I hope that you are proud of yourself for getting out and about, I look forward to seeing what treasures 2013 brings you.

hi Zoe! i can't get over how beautiful you are as a person. obviously you have the prettiest face and that is what you notice first, but you just seem to be such a genuinely lovely person. i'm so happy that you can see how amazing your life is, and that 2013 is looking so bright for you - wishing you love, luck and happiness this year! xx

That was so amazing Zoe, I also had the best and worst happening to me in 2012. I think you learn from everything and what someone said to me once is "don't regret your mistakes or bad stuff that has happened just be happy that you are better now" even though it's better said than done, and I am still trying to do it. Thank you so much for sharing so much with us! You and Louise are beautiful people :) xxx

Zoe I've been following you from the very beginning and I can honestly say in all of these 3 years I have never seen you as happy as you are now! it's wonderful and contagious. I wish you all the best in all of your new adventures this year :)xoNaghmeh

Zoe, you bought a tear to my eye when I read the sad part, and then all of a sudden the tear drop turned into happiness. Seeing those pictures, and imagining you reading this to me in a video, I noticed that you aren't perfect, nobody is. We all have baggage we have to deal with our entire lives. You have made me want to be a better person for 2013, so thank you. Love you lots, Chloe x

I really didn't think any of this had happened to you Zoe but I'm so glad that you have learnt from it. You are such a genuine person. I wish I could say i'd be there for you if you needed someone to talk to but seeing as we are complete strangers that can't happen. I hope 2013 is much better/just as good for you because you deserve it!

completely understand the whole finding yourself, i went through the same thing from may to august and my year only seemed to finally begin in august too, so strange seeing someone in the same situation because no one else exactly understood how i was feeling and i couldnt explain that i didnt know what i used to be like and how to be the old me. This post honestly nearly made me shed a wee tear, all my love from ireland. -rach xo.

This is such a lovely and inspiring post! Im glad you feel a lot happier now because from watching you on Youtube and reading your blog for a couple of years now, you really seem like a nice person and so deserve it so so much. I hope 2013 is very kind to you. Happy New Year!

This post sums up many peoples' year, and I think expressed the best/worst aspect so well Zoe. You are an inspiration to people all over the globe -- you seem so approachable and kind and caring! Happy 2013 xx

Zoe, although I only recently found your blog and youtube videos, i feel like you are such an inspiration to everyone (including myself), its great to know that you managed to turn your life around from being sad and lonely to happy and just generally having a fab time! hope 2012 is a great year for you! xx

you're such an inspiration to a lot of people Zoe and myself and probably everyone are so happy to see you happy:) I'm looking forward to seeing new videos and blog posts from you this year and I hope you have a lovely year,you deserve it!www-.laurencooperfashion.blogspot.co.uk

Truely inspirational Zoe. You look beautiful as always in all these photos, and i love how this post has really helped me connect with you. I always turn to your blog and videos when i'm feeling down and you inspired me to write my own. You're such a wonderful person, you're real to your readers and viewers and i think that's a lovely characteristic you possess. You're always bubbly in your videos and you seem so passionate about your blog. I live just down the road from you and maybe it would be nice to bump into each other one day :) Until then, thank you so much for everything and have a wonderful 2013!

Such a great blog post! I don't even know you, yet I feel so proud of you for battling through the hard times and getting through, good for you, and I know that you are going to have a great few years to come xx

Such a lovely post, it's been amazing to follow your journey and you're still a constant inspiration to me; not just in the blogging/YouTube/beauty/fashion sense but also in the way you overcome your issues! I hope 2013 brings you more good things :)Frankie xxhttp://frankest.blogspot.co.uk/

I can't express how much I love this post! So inspiring in many different ways. I, myself take your advices and so I want to say yes to more things and try new things! Thankyou so, so much for posting this! <3 xo

Thank you Zoe for truly inspiring me. You've made me look at my own life and look back at the times I've wasted. I can relate to you in so many ways (besides that you're female and I'm male.) I'm 22 too, and haven't learnt to drive, but, your inspiration has made me think that I can drive and I will drive...this year.

Although I'm on my own a lot of the time, I hope to change that if I decide to go to the UK and take advantage of my UK passport.

You're such an amazing person Zoe and you're such an inspiration to me <3 I think you're really brave for sharing your feelings so openly on the internet. I really loved reading this, it made me tear up at moments. I hope 2013 will be a brilliant year for all of us! xx

Zoe! this is such a nice post! It made me think about my good memories of last year and forget the bad ones and made me laugh! It is nice to be surrounded with good people like joe, louise and everybody mentioned here ;)We should thank you for everything you did for us because you helped a lot of us and many things wouldn't have been as nice without you! I'm so so so excited to spend another year with you! And your youtube chanel and blog are getting better each year (if that's even possible!)Love you!

Zoe, your blog is seriously my favourite blog EVER, and usually I'm not even that into 'beauty' blogs (although yours is also lifestyle-y). You're such a beautiful girl and I also love your channel. I love how honest you are in blog posts and don't try to hide your life, I mean you just say there are thing we don't know but you neither say everything is fine. And this makes me so... happy about myself. Like, even the most beautiful and who look so confident can be all but that. Even people who are succesful in what they do can have problems. And this makes me so confident about myself. I've started blogging and youtubing before I knew about you, but you definitely gave me courage to continue doing it. Thank you <3I actually wanted to add something about this post, but my comment is way too long and too boring so I'm just going to stop :Pxoxo Apollonia, a Dutch fan :)

I have just signed in with my gmail on here, I always read your blog post's but never sign in& I feel I should comment on this, I have no idea what I'm doing haha, but hey I have google;) I just wanted to say, that you are really inspirational to me, thank-you for sharing your life with us Zoe!! 2012 looked like a heck of a ride for you, but lets look forward to 2013! Happy new year! Lots of love x

You were one of the first blogs I read and I'm so sad you went through such a tough time with a crappy guy. Nevertheless I'm so happy to see how you took things in your hands and turned it all around. You had a wonderful year full of laughs and great people! A lot of people think a good year needs to be filled with crazy events and shows but really a great year is filled with great moments shared with great people! You're very lucky to have such amazing and supportive friends, we're all here for you too :-)

Zoe your such a inspiration to me, I hope this year is better for you and that you get a full year of being Zoe, and not just 4 months, your videos have helped me (Panic Attacks and Anxiety) and inspired me so much! I love you hehe <3 Xxx

This is such a lovely blog post and i find it insane that I can remember when "that video" or "that blog post" of you doing each thing first went up. I really feel privileged that as a follower of yours you've let us see into so much of your life<3bubblesandtubs.blogspot.com

What a heart-warming post! <3. You can really tell how far you've come over the past year from watching your videos compared to how they were a year or so ago, Zoe, and even though I don't know you I'm so happy for you! It's wonderful to see such a sweet and genuine person find happiness; you genuinely deserve it and I hope next year brings many more exciting new things.

You're blog was the first one I read and is one of the reasons I set up my own so thank you for being and continuing to be an inspiration. Lots of love in the new year! <3

What a beautiful year! I love following you and Louise on YouTube, you both are so genuine and speak of real things. It goes to show that the nay-sayers of technology and being less connected than ever haven't had the distinct priveledge of meeting a best friend via the internet. So happy for you, and continue to work through the anxiety. I have anxiety too and it has taken many years of positive self-talk and "what's the worse that could happen" thinking in order to push through it.

So glad your year turned into a good one Zoe! :) Your anxiety video genuinely helped me a lot, it's always good knowing someone else is going through some of the same things you are!Hope you have a wonderful new year,Jodie xojodieolivia.blogspot.co.uk

Zoe, you are an amazing person and i understand that the majority of us dont know your life and you like to keep things behind closed doors, like any one else would. But i would just like to say you are such an inspiration to me and im sure many other people. I just want to say thankyou and keep doing what you're doing. It makes me very happy :) Lots of love ♥ @_bethanyalice_ please view my twitter xxxx

seriously Zoe, your Blog is soooooo amazing! I love clicking trough your blog, you inspire me!!!2012 had also been my best and worst year! Just the other way around. Until October I felt sooo good and since then I'm tring to get back to my old me.

Hey Zoe :) I can really relate to how you feel with it being the best and worst year of your life. The worst part of my year was also because of the end of an important relationship - I was so upset to see it end and couldn't get back into a usual routine. I have never felt so alone in my whole life and it was just horrible, all I would do everyday is sit in my room and cry, then the crying always led to palpitations. Then watching the person move on so soon didn't help me at all. I definitely reached an all time low!From about October, things really did become pretty good for me, I didn't do anything spectacular or travel about, but starting university and meeting people more like me and meeting more people that I could relate to seriously cheered me up. Whilst it wasn't a very memorable or exciting year, I've learnt so much, will take so many things away from it & I'm really determined to make this year a great one :)Hope your year is as good as the second half of the last!Jazz xxx

Zoe, you have been my inspiration ever since I started watching you. You're the most beautiful person and I always wanted to be like you. When I watched your video on panic and anxiety, I nearly had a heart attack. I am almost exactly the same, and get panic attacks on a regular basis, and it just stops me doing the things I love. I couldn't believe that you, my role model, were just like me, and had the same problems as me, but you weren't letting them hold you back.Since then, I've been so much more confident, and have simply said yes to things. I wish I could meet you in real life one day, but I guess I just wanted to say thank you for being there for me, even though we don't know one another, but whenever I feel like crying and fear holds me back, your face is there to reassure me that I can do the things I want to. I should point out I'm only 13, much younger than most of your viewers, but makeup and fashion, like you, is the way I can express myself, and people don't understand me and judge me as a fake, which I'm not.I hope you have the best 2013 in the whole wide world and get the happiness that you give all of us.Ox

Aww Zoe this was such a lovely blog post! I'm so happy to hear that you have moved on from a bad start to the year and that you have your "muchness" back :) You really are so lucky to be surrounded by such great friends and family to support you! Especially Louise, I think we all wish we could find our own little Louise haha. Here's wishing you a fabulous 2013 xoxo

You're literally so amazing and such an inspiration to me (and so many others). I'm really sorry that you had such an awful start to the year, because you really don't deserve it, but I'm so happy that you had such an amazing end to the year. You honestly make me smile when I see you with Louise, Baby Glitter, your brother, Alfie and everyone else that you hang out with because you always seem like such a positive person, and it's so horrible to know that someone brought you down as much as they did, but here's to an amazing 2013 for you Zoe! <3

Zoe this is amazing. "We only get one chance at life, and you deserve nothing but happiness and to be surrounded by people who bring out the best in you" - this has really made me get my arse into gear and try to sort my 'relationship' out - whatever happens now I know it'll be for the best xx

Wow zoe i had no idea about how bad the start of the year was for you - you do an amazing job of putting a smile on that beautiful face of yours :) im so happy you managed to turn it all around - ive been in a job that makes me really unhappy for 4 years now.. and decided to just call it a day and leave for the start of 2013 with nothing else to go to.. very scary but something that i needed to do in order to turn things around! Im sure something will come up sooner or later - if i hadnt made the decision now i never would have! I felt so inspired reading this, youre such a positive person and as a fellow panic attack sufferer i really admire youre achievements :)this post really made me smile..What you said about Darcy..and how she looks for you when youve gone home. What a fabulous young woman you are :) Looking forward to another year of reading your blog/your chit-chats on youtube!I wish you all the best..xx

Zoe, i feel like you speak to me from the soul.2012 was not the best year for me, I got very ill with my stomach and I'm still not through with it. But it gets better and I recover myself slowly.Since that I had also a lot problems with anxiety.Thank you for being such a inspiring person and for writing down your thoughts and experiences.Love, Andrea x

I'm so pleased you managed to get yourself out of the bad time you were going through and had an amazing end to your year! You should be really proud of yourself!I loved reading this post, It was so inspiring! I've really enjoyed a lot of your recent posts and it has given me the motivation to start saying yes to more things myself and putting myself into situations I would normally run away from. Seeing the amazing time you have had since doing this has given me the motivation to keep at it and continue on. I hope 2013 is even better for you and you can look back on the whole year with happy memories and a smile instead of just half of it because you deserve it <3

The love I feel for this blog post is incredible. Your blog posts, YouTube videos, tweets, and instagram photos always seem to make me smile and make me happy if I am having a bad day. Thank you So much Zoe. We all love you oh so much. xx

The love I feel for this blog post is incredible. Your blog posts, YouTube videos, tweets, and instagram photos always seem to make me smile and make me happy if I am having a bad day. Thank you So much Zoe. We all love you oh so much. xx

reading this blog past has made me appreciate such little things in life!!! zoe youre an amazing person continue to smile you have the funniest brother ever and amazing friends sprinkle of glitter etc! i really hope 2013 is amazing right from the start to the end! keep doing what your doing we love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I just wanted to say that you're such an inspiring girl and I really admire your courage to get out there and live your life to the max. I've had times where I've been so miserable but this year I'm applying the motto 'do something'. If there's something that makes you unhappy then do something about it. That's one thing I've really learnt and taken away from your posts. Thank you for sharing that side of you with us. It really means a lot.Lots of lovexxxNina from little nomad

Wow beautiful words :) I'm so happy that you are now back to being 'Zoe', you deserve to be happy and your words for Louise made me tear up! they were so lovely. It's so good to see and hear how your friendship has become so strong :).Carry on being Zoe! and stay happy! Happy New Year xxx

Aw Zoe that post was amazing!! I have only just started following your blog, but have been subscribed to your youtube for over a year now :) You and Louise literally are the highlight of signing onto youtube and seeing that either one of you has posted a video, I absolutely love your vlogs together :) so thank YOU for providing me with something to watch whilst painting my nails, or procrastinating from university work. You are such an inspiration to people out there and me especially! Thank you so much.

Zoe, this blog post was so beautiful. It actually brought a tear to my eye at some parts. You're a true inspiration to me, and a lot of other people it may seem. You always make me smile whenever you write a new blog post and upload a new video, so thank you.

The first time I saw you was in a video of Alfie (when you did his make-up lol), it was a funny video and I tought you were a nice person. Now I'll be as honest as possible. Then I checked out your channel but I didn't like the videos (it wasn't because they were bad, it was because they were in english (obviously, you speak english lol, but I'm from Chile and we speak spanish. And to me it was harder to understand your language) and you were talking about things that may not exist in my country)so I didn't pay much attention but I followed you on twitter and one day I saw you had uploaded a new video and it wasn't about beauty or shopping, was about Panic Attacks and Anxiety, I saw how important was that video for you so I decided to watch it, I tried to put as much attention as possible to can understand (I'm proud of myself for that, because maybe my english is not the best but I now can understand videos in English), It was a looong video but I managed to understand (actually I cried) and since that day my perception towards you changed, then you started to make another kind of videos, funniest, like your videos with Joe, and everyday my admiration for you grows. You're such an inspiration, it's so beautiful when you show us a different side of you :)Have a great 2013!! xx

this is such a beautiful post, it actually kind of made me cry, I'm so glad that your year turned into something amazing,you are such a lovely person and I hope that this year (and the ones after it) are just as good, if not better :') xx

Zoe, I love this blog post.. it's actually made me a bit emotional! Like you I came out of a relationship in 2012.. one that at the time I thought was the perfect "love of my life" type thing, but only now can I see was really just a selfish, one sided, me-trying-all-the-time.. just generally not the kind of relationship I wanted, needed, or deserved. It nearly destroyed me. I feel like getting back on my feet after that is the thing I'm most proud of in my entire life, so I know where you're coming from with the "best and worst year of my life" thing! I completely agree! We are strong for coming through this, we can do better. :) Thank you for posting about this, it was really lovely to read how far you've come. :)

You have an obscene amount of comments on here do I doubt you'll even see this, but I just wanted you to know that you are absolutely my favourite blogger, I followed your blog religiously last year when I ran a blog of my own but I kind of fell out of the blogging scene a bit and only got back into in the last couple of months. You were one of the first bloggers I started following again, I was so happy to see you'd properly begun to vlog, because i find videos so much more interesting and personal. I went back through your video history on YouTube and began to watch some of your older videos and watched your one on anxiety and although I don't suffer from it myself I have a close friend who does, and having suffered from (touch wood) one panic attack in my life I totally understand that feeling of spiralling out of control and just needing to get out, wanting to run. I'm really sorry to hear you had a crap start to your year, but at least it turned around by the end and you have gone into 2013 happy and positive again. I'm excited to keep following your blog and YouTube channels this year, and I love you and Louise together i think you are like the seteotypically awesome best friends!

I actually cried reading this..2012 was the same kind of year for me...full of highs and lows and one of the highs was your anxiety and panic attacks video. I too suffer from panic attacks and at the start of 2012 I could barely leave my bed..now thanks to you I realise I'm not alone and I have a much more positive outlook on life..I even started my own blog..honestly I'm not just saying this Zoe..you're such an inspiration..keep on doing what you're doing because you make so many people smile and give so many people hope in bleak situations..hope you have the best 2013 ever x

I'm not sure if you'll read this but in terms of ups and downs, we had a very similar year. It too was the best and worst for me, the best/worst being the same aspects as yours plus a whole lot of other crap! I'm still making progress and sadly my up wasn't as significant as yours was but I hope to be in a better place soon. This may sound ridiculous but if you ever need to talk, that's what I'm here for. Love and hugs!

This is such a nice post Zoe :-) I've only started following you the past few months, and I had no idea that you went through all that! I've also done a review of my 2012, here is the link if you would like to read it :-) xxxhttp://totalmodisch.blogspot.co.uk/

2012 was a bad year for me. I came out of a relationship in May and pretended to be fine until late July but I was so broken inside. I didnt want to get up or leave the house and I stumbled into depression. I went out twice with friends in that summer. I just couldn't find the strength inside me to face the world. I also relapsed back into my anorexia because I found it a way to control my life and I believed I wasnt good enough for anyone or anything anymore. I still have suicidal thoughts and I'm still controlled by Anorexia but I daydream about the future constantly and I know that one day, this will all be worth it somehow. I pledge this year to see the best in everything and to cherish the happy days. I have a jar in my room which I'm going to write down everything good that happens and put them all in the jar, then in December I'll look back and smile at the good times and forget the bad.

This post brought a tear to my eye! Even though i don't know you personally i feel like i can relate to you, and even with your growing following a subscribing numbers, you haven't changed one bit, and thats one of the nicest qualities to have. I too came out of a relationship this year which was controlling and bringing me down, which ended in November and i really feel like me again these oast two months. You are such an inspiration to many people Zoe, not just teenage girls like myself. The best wishes for 2013 :) xx

love love love this post zoe. Your blog has been a complete joy to read over 2012 and i just cant wait to see what you write in 2013. the journey you've come on is a-maaay-zzaanng and you should be so proud of yourself :) I bet 2013 isnt going to be the best and the worst but simply THE BEST!! lots of love Ellie xxx

You are such an amazing person. Your videos and blog posts really brings sunshine to many of us here. When I'm sad or need an inspiration I always came here or visit your youtube channel and just reread and rewatch everything! I hope that 2013 will be even better, than 2012 and in the ending of it, you will be able to tell that WHOLE year was amazing. Please don't stop bloging and making videos!

Zoey, you are my blogging inspiration; and this is such a beautiful post to share! in 2011 i began to feel overwhelmed through panick attacks- but in 2012 i really pulled it around; and since then i've been happier than i've ever been! Keep blogging girly, hope we hear lots more of you in 2013! xPippa.x

What a lovely post and the pictures are beautiful, thanks for sharing them with us! I suffer from panic attacks too and I absolutely loved your video, it helped me a lot as well as all the comments that people with the same problem wrote. It's amazing too see that you are overcoming your anxiety and your fears. Thank you for sharing your positive energies! xxx