Sunday, 20 November 2011

Back again so soon?

-I'm really sorry I couldn't post sooner. I've been waiting all day for even a hint of a connection. But hey, why should the internet work when all I need to do is reassure my friends I'm still alive!?-

My memory of yesterday is very vivid, but it feels strange recalling it, like it happened in a dream or a film or something. It's possibly my mind's attempt to soften the blow of what happened.

My Dad was at work by the time I left, so I wrote him a note. Brainy Smurf wouldn't shut up. He kept telling me not to go, that I would only get into trouble if I left the house. Bless him, he actually seemed concerned about me. I ignored him mostly, and he followed me right up until I walked out the front door. I wasn't sure where I would go. I just couldn't sit around any longer twiddling my thumbs, waiting to see if any monsters would ring the doorbell.

Half of me was scared, half felt depressed. As far as I knew, I was going to face my death. At the end of the lane, I met Robin. He wasn't wearing his mask.

"Hey Batgirl." He said.

"Hey." I said.

"He's this way." He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. We stood for a second. He looked a cross between excited and tense. I noticed his figure seemed coiled, like a spring.

"I won't run." He nodded and relaxed, but only slightly.

"You coming?"

We walked for a while. We talked too. He told me it wasn't too late to change my mind. I told him I'd made my decision and I wasn't going to back down. He looked sad. We talked about other things, the weather, college, what his life had been like before he met Malinky, and Doctor Who, among other things. At one point I asked where we were going. He asked me where I'd first seen his boss. It was a rhetorical question, so I didn't reply.

When we got the river, I stopped. I tried to push myself forwards, but every single part of me was telling me to run. Robin noticed I'd stopped and he turned round. Then he took my hand.

"It's okay to be scared. But don't worry, I'll be with you. I won't let him hurt you."

I was convinced those words were complete rubbish, but he seemed genuine, and it felt comforting to know someone would be with me who didn't wish me harm.

We walked.

As we turned the corner in the path, I saw him. He was standing in the trees, just like the first time, only this time he was facing me, and he seemed taller than ever. I jumped when I saw him, and I think I even squeaked.

I took a step back, and suddenly my elbows were pulled behind me. I heard Robin whisper in my ear.

"Sorry, it's for your own good."

The Slender Man strode towards the path. The motion was more solid than when we were in the park behind the college. Robin pushed me forwards while still maintaining his lock. I tried resisting but he was far too strong for me. My eyes were glued to that ... face. That non-face. It seemed to swallow everything I was and left me with nothing but fear.

He stopped walking, and Robin stopped pushing. For a moment, everything was still. His head - he looked like he was regarding me. It slowly tilted to one side and I could almost hear - something. It was barely audible at all. I'm not even sure if it was high or low. It sounded like ... silence. But a different kind of silence.

Behind me, Robin spoke.

"Really?" His boss didn't move. I was practically paralysed with fright. I could feel Robin's breath on my back. He laughed and released my arms. I saw him move towards his boss. The tall one's arms moved out as if to welcome him. Robin turned.

"Wait till you see." I could see the glee on his face. "This is what he did when I met him all those months ago. He says he'll give it to you as well."

He turned back towards his master and moved closer. The faceless turned his face to the boy beneath him, placed his arms on his shoulders. I cringed as two long tentacles emerged from the back of his suit and wrapped themselves around the boy. His hands moved up to the boys face, first one then the other, holding his head the way a loving but dignified parent would reassure a child. More tentacles appeared, caressing him, holding him, stroking him.

I could see the admiration on Robin's face as he looked up at his master. He looked so happy, at peace with himself. Then,

-crack-

his body went limp. The tentacles unwrapped and he slumped over to the ground. And then, that giggle. Again. I felt my strength drain. I was drenched with fear. Then he looked at me. No eyes. No expression. No clue to see what he was thinking. I stumbled backwards until I hit a tree. He loomed over me, and I knew I was too weak to fight, even to run.

And I can't remember what happened next.

My memory is completely blank. The next thing I remember is standing at the end of my street, wondering how I got there. It was already dark. I looked at my watch. I'd left before one o'clock. It was quarter-past five. Some people's curtains were still open, so I knew it was evening rather than morning. I hoped Dad was home. I'd left my keys at home as a security precaution (not that I think he'd need keys to get into my house, but, you know, just in case).

I tried the door when I got to my house. I'd left the door on the latch, so I wasn't surprised when the door gave a little as I turned the handle. I was still locked out, but I could see a light on, so I rang the door bell. I felt so relieved when my Dad answered. I couldn't show it, though, so I pretended to be cold. It felt good to be back in my home, but in that moment, I wished I had my Mum. No matter how crazy the things in my life (or my head) were, she would always listen with a sympathetic nod and an empathetic hug. A while ago, I thought I didn't need it any more. College was fine, I had friends, and she needed her own space. Now, I need her more than ever, and I can't reach her.

As soon as I got to my room, I was faced with every single one of my recurring hallucinations, each with their own set of questions. In the end, I broke down and cried. Most of them got annoyed and went away, and only a few of my closest "friends" were with me. They managed to give me a bit of comfort, but I really don't know what to do.

I don't know what I did yesterday afternoon, in the period I can't remember. Part of me is questioning whether yesterday happened at all.

My dream last night was more or less a nightmare. Robin's body was there, the roses growing through him, holding him, hung like a marionette. His voice,

"Save your strength. Drink deep and long. Feel the love. The love is strong." over and over.

I could see the roses growing. They wrapped themselves around his limbs, they pierced his flesh. His body disintegrated as the flowers grew higher and wider.

"Don't try to save yourself. The only way is down."
_

I should really go to bed now. I'll stay up a little longer though. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight. If I can't, well, at least I'll be able to get some college work done. I've got an essay to hand in for tuesday and it's not quite finished yet.