saw difficult child......update

On Fathers Day we went out as a family with difficult child. Things he told us about his life in general, sounded very nice, but when I asked him a specific question he changed everything all around, and it was appparent ....all BS, as usual. I however didn't go to bat with it. I just smiled and nodded. He has a girlfriend-or something- who has 3 kids, and their father is in jail doing 2-4 years. Lovely. The issue for me, which I feel really bad about, I have been so sad and over the top upset about is that difficult child has gained at least 150 pounds since he lived here. He, I'm sure, is close to 350 pounds.

Growing up difficult child had an insatiable appetite. We fed him healthy. He was in shape and weighed 195 when he graduated HS 2 years ago, stilll a little heavy, but fine. He was working out with the Marines and everythinbg was fine. We would always find wrappers of stuff in his room. Not the normal stuff, but packages of cheese- 2 pound bricks that I never bought so he must have, and packages of cheese dogs( I didn't buy this) that he ate without cooking (The whole package at once)stuff like this,....but lots, and lots of wrappers like this....in every computer game box, everywhere he could (I don't know where he got the money to buy this because it was nothing we had here).by the way my kids can have anything they want to eat. difficult child was the only one that I had to say, wait until dinner or something because he did eat tooo much. Anyway we found all these wrappers one day- but 6 months ago husband went into the attic, the opening was in difficult child's closet, and husband found garbage and wrappers right over difficult children room. We filled up 2 bags with his trash. 2 big bags. It was like his drug.

So I'm sad. Why did he do this to himself? I myself am thin, my easy child -normal, husband a little heavy- he has to lose 60 pounds but he's fine in my eyes, but difficult child-over the top. He's so young!

You said it...it is his drug. It is how he copes. How painful it must be to see him like this.

Take it from someone who knows. I quit drugs and alcohol nearly 4 years ago. It was hard, but I managed. I quit smoking about 3 weeks ago. It was very hard, but I am doing it. I am still a huge overeater. That will be my toughest obstacle, because hey, you HAVE to eat.

Hugs and prayers for you and difficult child. I know how hard this is.

I'm wondering if overeating is a drug of choice for many difficult child's. Your son sounds much like my step-difficult child: hording food - especially junk food, tons of soda (never diet), etc. Step-difficult child is probably about the same weight as your son and this has only increased since she had her child (now 15 mo).

My biggest fear now is in terms of the baby's ongoing health. How is he supposed to learn good healthy habits (not to mention hygiene) when his mother doesn't know how to properly feed and care for herself? Right now, he's on baby food with added in limited amount of grown-up food but we see her feeding him all the stuff she herself loves and it's frightening too think of his future.

I know, like you, husband worries about her health too given there is a family history of diabetes and heart disease that runs in his and ex's families. I believe difficult child's basically live in the here and now without regard for what the future may hold.

Yes tandem biker. I agree, it's the here and now. Why should I? has always been difficult children mantra about anything. Yes we found a 2-liter soda (never diet) in a computer!!!when difficult child left. I can see how the baby's health is an added something to worry about and it's sad. I know how you feel. BigBadKitty-Thank you-Alyssa

Janet, I know, lecturing doesn't help anything. It just would make me feel like a mean person. difficult child doesn't hear, and it would alienate difficult child and your sister even further. At some point we just have to decide never to go there-after I removed the restrainin order, that was my point, I changed-of course we only want the best for our loved ones.-Alyssa

I know it's so painful watching them do all of this stuff to themselves. Sorry you had to see him like that, but I'm glad he was able to spend some time with you and his dad for fathers day. You have to detatch over his weight, just like everything else. It hurts, but there is nothing you can do about it.