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Picture this: You have company over — let’s say it’s your parents or your boss or someone equally stuffy. You’re sitting around the living room, munching on perfectly proper snacks and drinking a fashionable glass of wine when all of a sudden your cat strolls in with a penis in his jaws.

What?

Okay, maybe it’s not a penis. Maybe it’s a boob, nipple and all.

What?

Relax, everyone. They’re cat toys and they’re handmade and sold at the Etsy shop meowadays. As cat owners, we know it’s important to make sure all our pets’ private parts are not in working order (spay and neuter FTW!), but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a little fun playing with them … the crocheted version, of course.

Some of you are going to be appalled by this (that’s okay; next week’s giveaway is perfectly innocent, we promise), but others are going to be like OHMYGOODNESS MYCATMUSTHAVETHIS! Lucky for those of you, Catster is giving away a whole set of naughty parts cat toys!

One lucky winner will win a complete set — an exclusive limited-edition hot-pink penis (usually these are only pale-flesh-colored), a set of two boobs, and a wiggly little sperm … all crocheted with love and stuffed with organic catnip just for you!

Maybe I am actually 12 years old, but I have never giggled so much over cat toys. Meowadays has some really silly offerings, and not all of them are for adult cat eyes only. There are all sorts of weird cat toys that look like sushi, a zombie eye, a tampon, cat poo, nunchucks, lightsabers, and more. Basically, whatever is in your cat’s toy basket right now is boring compared to these.

So how can you win, you ask?

Simple! Just leave a comment below on this post saying that you’d like to win. We’re not exactly sure what the automatic spam filters will do, but we promise to fish any comments out of the spam controls that they think are inappropriate — I’m going to go ahead and assume most of these cat toys’ names are on the list, even though they’re mostly just anatomical terms. Heh.

That’s it! All entries must be received by midnight on Thursday, March 29. We’ll randomly pick a winner, contact the lucky reader by email, and announce his or her name soon after that. One person will win a set of penis, boobs, and sperm for their kitty’s personal playing pleasure.