Family Guy Season 4 Episode 7 - Brian The Bachelor

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[Singing] It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV But where are those good old-fashioned values On which we used to rely? Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a man who positively can do All the things that make us Laugh and cry He's a family guy [People laughing] This is ridiculous. Why did y'all drag me here? Because you can't just sit home every night since Loretta left. You got to get out and meet some women. Well, I suppose I could give it a try. Hey, baby. How'd you like to go black and then have to make... a difficult decision regarding whether or not to go back? Sorry, I went burnt sienna and I never went back. Ready, baby? Who's this clown? Open up, Stewie. The airplane's coming in for a landing. I guess the pilot must have been JFK Junior. Even I found that to be in bad taste. Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Good morning, Chris. Oh, my God! Look at the size of that pimple. You're like a circus freak! I'm kidding. You're just becoming a man, sweetie. Yeah. I remember when I became a man. The operation was a success. What are you gonna go by now? Peter. You know, Chris, we'll have to do something about that. But I don't wanna get rid of my zit. I like him. He's my friend. His name is Doug. I just wish I didn't have to look at it. We have to look at your anus all day. Thank you. The Bachelorette comes to Quahog in search of male contestants. Story at 11:00. Well, actually, that was pretty much it. But there will be other stuff, too. Look, I'm turning down the thermostat. See Diane's erect nipples at 11:00. Oh, my God! The Bachelorette is coming to Quahog. That's, like, my favorite show ever. Meg, how can you watch that crap? That show is not reality. It's all staged. It's a complete mockery of human relationships. You know, this could be the perfect way for Cleveland to meet Mrs. Right. I got to tell him. Hey, Cleveland. Joe? Sorry, I dialed the wrong number. I meant to call Cleveland. No, I just wanted to tell him something. No, I'd like to talk to you, too. It's just that... Fine. I'll call you after I talk to Cleveland. I don't feel obligated. I want to. You're a good pimple, Doug. Feed me. You can talk? That's right. And we're gonna raise some hell. All right! Raise some hell! So, why would you be a good candidate on The Bachelorette? I would be perfect for your show... because I know how to talk dirty to the ladies. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That feels so good. Spit in my mouth. Two hundred auditions and nothing. We still got one guy waiting. You lined up 201 auditions? What a weird number. You're weird. Peter, I can't do this. I am too nervous. I got to go. No, Cleveland,I'm not gonna let you do this. I'll tie you down, if I have to. Peter, this is only making it worse. Oh, God, my claustrophobia is setting in. It's all right. It's okay. It's the fabric. It's your clothes. Let's get your clothes off. Peter, what's wrong with you? I am naked! Oh, God, you're self-conscious. I'm sorry. Here. You know what? Look, Cleveland, look. See? Now you're not alone, Cleveland. Let me out of here! I need to get out of here. Cleveland, no, you're staying. This is for your own good. Oh, my God! Hi, we're here for the interview. Excuse me. Hi. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for Peter. He was just trying to help out his friend. You see, his wife left him