Having sex in Japanese

Foreword

After the runaway success of "making love in Japanese", I figured it's
about time for the inevitable sequel. Unlike its predecessor, this
is intended as more of a hands-on guide, and I hope it will
prove usable even without much other knowledge of the language.
Slang, obscene and dialect terms have generally been avoided, and
any gender-specific terms are flagged with (f) for female speech
and (m) for male speech.

That much said, while you may rest assured that your
author has selflessly endeavoured to check the content with
native speakers in real-life situations, I am not a native
speaker myself so use this at your own risk. Corrections and suggestions
are welcome.

And a final note: love really is the international language, it is
not only possible but preferable to have wild monkey sex without
a phrasebook (or E2) in the other hand, and language skills do tend
to take a bit of a backseat in the heat of the moment anyway.
But a well-placed word or two at the right moment can still do wonders...

でわ、それで発表させていただきます。

His 'n' Hers

This is probably the toughest bit, partly because
Japanese women tend to go out of their way to avoid direct references
to sex organs, partly because (as in English) many common Japanese
terms are either too clinically dry or obscene for use with a lover.
I've given a few choices for most, the
leftmost ones being the most polite/feminine forms; don't forget
that you can very often substitute friendly direction words like
kochi and achi.

Words of Action

All verbs given first in dictionary (present tense) form and then conjugated into the
-te form, which can be used alone as simple informal
command (namete, "lick!").
Add kure to be a bit more polite (namete kure,
"please lick (me)") or ageru to say you'll "give" the action to
them (namete ageru, "I'll lick you").

Further References

Todd and Erika Geers' Making Out in Japanese is a surprisingly good
(albeit not perfect)
book for miscellaneous dating language, although the section on
sex is disappointingly brief. The sequel, creatively entitled
More Making Out in Japanese, goes into more detail but is
less usable overall. All other "dirty" or "slang" Japanese books I've seen, on the other hand, suck (and E2's Japanese pickup lines node isn't much better).

This writeup has been brought to you by the syllables
nyoro-nyoro, kyuu-kyuu and pon-pon. Thanks to Cogito & co. for comments.