Friday, April 8, 2011

I was ashamed.

Day 15: Have you ever regretted something you DIDN'T do?

Of course I have. Some people keep a "no regrets" mindset, but I don't. I think it's okay to have regrets, so long as they don't define your life. I regret every sin I've ever committed because each one has hurt God. I've also regretted things I haven't done that I should have.

I think I've written about this instance on my blog before, but I'll go ahead and share it again.

A few years ago, I was hanging out at a basketball game with some old friends of mine. We merged with another group of teens and the talk soon transformed into swearing and sexual innuendos. I didn't want to seem rude and holier-than-thou by abruptly leaving the group, so I stayed in the conversation, although I avoided the cussing and inappropriate topics.

A little while later, one of the guys from the other group of kids pulled me aside. "There's something about you that's different from all of us. You stand out. What is it?" he asked me outright.

I've always been shy, and I was much more shy back then than I am now. I was a bit embarrassed by this strange boy's full attention on the way I acted. I didn't want to sound preachy or too Christian. I was terrified that I would say the true reason I was different -because of how Jesus had changed me- and then he would laugh and walk away. I hesitated before saying, "I don't think there's anything different about me."

"No, there is something different. I can see it. What is it?" the boy pressed further.

In my heart, I knew this was my chance. I could share my faith with this kid who had so obviously seen Christ in me. He wanted to know what made me different. But I chickened out again and said, "It's nothing. I'm just a unique person." The boy finally accepted my words and didn't say anything else about the subject.

I went home that night and cried. I'd missed my opportunity. I had acted like I was ashamed of Christ, not like I was a radical follower of Him. That boy was searching for the truth and he sure didn't find it through me.

I still think about that moment with regret. How I wish I could go back sometimes. My biggest consolation is that I know God still loves that boy. He'll send another opportunity to find Him that kid's way if He hasn't already. I just wish I had done my part and fulfilled my purpose in the Lord.

1 comment:

Last week, I was just finished eating lunch in my car in a parking lot, and this guy who was obviously homeless came up to my car and knocked on my window. Of course, because he was a stranger, I opened my door just slightly, what he said was 'I was just at a church and they couldn't help me, do you have money, I just need it for bread and milk'. Unfortunately, I had just spent the rest of my money on my lunch, I was sad because I couldn't help this guy, and shocked that a church had turned him away. An hour later, I realized I could have gone to the bank and quick gotten some money for him, but it was too late, I wish I had thought of a way to help him while he was still there.