Davey G. Johnson

Aware of our quixotic quest to justify to ourselves that the only purpose that Alabama's truly suited for is to become the Bay of Georgia, CTE tossed us this nugget from our all-things-media-humpin' brother and sister over at Gawker. Times style reporter, Warren St. John is being sued by obsessive Crimson Tide fan Ron St. John over the use of a photo of his '72 Dodge RV on the cover of his chronicle of batshit-loopy Crimson Tide fans. Why?

Apparently, ol' Ronno's claiming "emotional distress" over the usage because people come up to him and ask him if his Dodge, long nicknamed "The Toad" is Warren's "Hawg" the RV the writer uses in the book. What's more, from the suit field with the US District Court in Northern 'Bama,

"18. Defendant(s) actions toward Plaintiff were so outrageous in character, and so extreme in degree, as to go beyond all possible bounds of decency, and are atrocious and utterly intolerable in civilized society."

"19. The emotional distress that Defendant(s) caused Plaintiff to suffer was so severe that no reasonable person could be expected to endure it.."

Jesus. No wonder the South lost the Civil War. It wasn't the naval blockade nor the March to the Sea that did 'em in. It's the simple fact that apparently, their roughest, toughest sports fans can be reduced to quivering blobs of sniveling goo by some effete Yankee using their vehicle's likeness on a book jacket. If only U.S. Grant had known that fact beforehand, we coulda saved a lot of bloodshed.