Although I was raised in America, I have learned to accept, and even appreciate, these practices because I grew up with them.

They would probably be receptive to ideas that will help her feel more at home among them.Ask them to consider including her in family conversations by addressing her in English and letting her know what's going on during your family "discussions." It might also be helpful for you to enlist a couple of your siblings or cousins to take her under their wings, periodically telephoning her, offering to go shopping together, and making sure she feels included at family gatherings. Just as your future wife will have to get accustomed to your family's customs and expectations, you'll have to get used to hers.The key to resolving the discomfort you both feel can be summed up in two words: education and communication.If you pay attention to both, beginning immediately, you'll be able to minimize the conflicts that will present themselves over the first few years of marriage, and you and your bride will find the best way to strike a balance between your different backgrounds.At our informal engagement party, my family started to have a little Persian ceremony in which people give the bride jewelry with a lot of candy and things like that.

Everyone was enjoying it, especially the Americans, who thought the custom was thoughtful, giving and unique.

For example, you were raised in a home in which women did virtually all of the housework, but your in-laws (and undoubtedly your future wife) have different expectations.

(In fact, a lot of women hate housework as much as men do.) Even though you and your bride plan to work out household responsibilities after your marriage, it might help your relationship (as well as with her parents) if you took some action now.

My family is from Iran and they have very traditional middle eastern practices.

They always like to have the whole family around as there is a strong emphasis on familial infrastructure.

It is certainly easier for me because I basically grew up with American friends and am much more accustomed to their lifestyles than she is to Persians.