Christian Advice, Devotions, and Encouragement for Single Women

The Right Fit

Puzzles are a very enjoyable hobby for some people. They love the idea of examining all facets of the missing parts, and then looking in a box filled with several pieces for the one piece that will fit. Sounds a bit like being single doesn’t it? Except finding the right person can be much more challenging. Those of us desiring marriage are looking for the person who will fit into our lives snuggly and comfortably; we wish it were as easy as picking a puzzle piece out of a box, but if it was that easy, we might not be as thankful to God as we should be for the gift of a spouse, and it’s also possible that we wouldn’t appreciate the person that we’ll ultimately marry nearly as much as we should.

With each intellectual and technological advance, life seems to become more complex. People are more complicated, and yes, there are layers that we have to go through to find out if the person is a compatible mate. After looking under a few layers of a new person we’ve met, sometimes it is overwhelmingly apparent that they’re not a good fit. Other times, we surmise that he has qualities we think we can work with. So, the puzzle piece isn’t perfectly aligned, but close enough we think. When it turns out that even this was a bust, and our willingness to make it work with someone that wasn’t quite the right fit backfires, the thought of going back to the box can be exhausting.

As a single sister in the Lord, you want to get to a point where you’re not exhausting your emotional energy in a relationship that God has not put His stamp on. Never forget that Jesus Christ knows where you’re supposed to be, when you’re supposed to be there, and how to get you there. Heavenly Father knows the person that is going to help you to be your best self in Christ. He is more concerned about you marrying the right person than you are. When God is in the mix, there’s no half-stepping—no second best—it’s the absolute best for the level of spiritual maturity we’ve obtained in Christ and for the call that God has placed upon our lives.

We have been very sketchy when it comes to this. We’ve doubted God’s attentiveness to detail when it comes to finding the right fit. This is why we sometimes end up in a world of emotional pain. We do the choosing and then expect God to cosign. This approach will almost always leave us at a disadvantage.

A better way is to give yourself the time and space to press into the Holy Spirit for leadership and guidance. There are things about yourself that you simply do not know, but God knows. He knows your future, past, and present. He knows exactly what will be a perfect fit for your life. You may have preconceived notions about what you must receive from a partner in order to feel that he’s the one. You may think you can determine what fits and what doesn’t, and this can be an issue for many of us, because only God knows best.

God requires us to have a certain amount of flexibility, and many of us haven’t cultivated it to the point of yielding and surrendering our desires fully to Him. You must consider that God may want you to become a different kind of person in certain areas of your life before you partner. You may need to alter your puzzle a bit, so that your future spouse will be a piece that fits. If this is the case, God will not keep you in the dark. He’ll tell you exactly what you need to know if you are willing to accept the truth, and if you are willing to allow Him to guide you in your quest.

Take a look back over the pieces that didn’t fit, the relationships that didn’t quite make it. Write a few questions down in your journal, and make the answers about you and not about the other person. Be extremely honest and ask yourself:

1. What impression did I leave on the person regarding God’s love?
2. What are the areas of the relationship where I could have done better?
3. In what ways did I demonstrate my gratitude to God for having the person in my life?
4. In what ways did I demonstrate my gratitude to the new person for being in my life?
5. Did I compromise the integrity of my temple, if so, why?
6. Did I deal with things I didn’t like about the other person in a Godly way? If not, why?
7. Was I able to balance my responsibility to the faith with the demands of a relationship? If not, what could I have done differently?

Sometimes, it is challenging for us to get out of our own way when it comes to our desires to partner. God wants to help us put Jesus Christ in the leading role, so that we are following His perfect plan. As you ask yourself the questions above, and answer them, be sure to also ask the Father to reveal the area that is hindering your faith the most. He’ll answer you through the indwelling Holy Spirit, and help you prepare for the person who truly is the right fit. ■