“Wan, two, three, four, five, six,” began
the patient. When the young doctor, with a start,
opened his eyes, he was counting huskily: “Tin
hundred an’ sixty-nine, tin hundred an’
sivinty, tin hundred an’ sivinty-wan.”

THE MAN HE LEFT BEHIND

An English storekeeper went to the war and left his
clerk behind to look after things. When he was
wounded and taken to the hospital, what was his surprise
to find his clerk in the cot next to him.

“Well, I thought I left you to take care of
the store,” said the storekeeper.

“You did,” answered the clerk, “But
you didn’t tell me I had to look after your
women folks as well as the store. I stood it as
long as I could and then I said to myself: ’Look
here, if you’ve got to fight, you might as well
go and fight someone that you can hit.’”

SOME SPEED

It was a dull day in the trenches, and a bunch of
Tommies had gathered and were discussing events.
After a while the talk turned on a big Boche who had
been captured the night before.

“He was scared stiff,” said one Tommy.

“Did he run?” asked another.

“Run?” replied the first. “Why,
if that Boche had had jest one feather in his hand
he’d ‘a’ flew.”

A DEEP-LAID PLAN

“Would you mind letting me off fifteen minutes
early after this, sir?” asked the bookkeeper.
“You see, I’ve moved into the suburbs and
I can’t catch my train unless I leave at a quarter
before five o’clock.”

“I suppose I’ll have to,” grumbled
the boss; “but you should have thought of that
before you moved.”

“I did,” confided the bookkeeper to the
stenographer a little later, “and that’s
the reason I moved.”

ONLY ONE THING FOR HIM

A three-hundred-pound man stood gazing longingly at
the nice things displayed in a haberdasher’s
window for a marked-down sale. A friend stopped
to inquire if he was thinking of buying shirts or pyjamas.

A TEST OF FRIENDSHIP

Andy Foster, a well-known character in his native
city, had recently shuffled off this mortal soil in
destitute circumstances, although in his earlier days
he enjoyed financial prosperity.

A prominent merchant, an old friend of the family,
attended the funeral and was visibly affected as he
gazed for the last time on his old friend and associate.

The mourners were conspicuously few in number and
some attention was attracted by the sorrowing merchant.
“The old gentleman was very dear to you?”
ventured one of the bearers after the funeral was over.