Ask Mr. Manners, with Buenos the Cat

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A friend and I went to a movie together a few weeks ago. I arrived at the theater first and bought both tickets. When my friend arrived, he said that he would pay me back for it. This was three years ago. We're still friends and all, but he cheated me - that piece of shit. Am I being a dick if I call him out for that? - Miser in Milwaukee

¡Hola, MM! What movie were you watching? Having never been to the movies before in my entire cat life, I am somewhat at a... disadvantage in the answering of the question. I only ask about the movie because I know sometimes I can get enthralled with something I am paying attention to and I loose track of what happened before. Let the Buenos give you an example. A few days ago I was on my way to the window to check on the sounds of a cat fight on the street down below. The white and brown cat has been really beating up on the other cats these days so I'm glad I'm not an outdoor cat! Anyway, as I raced toward the sounds of the battle my nose suddenly caught the tangy musk of human defecation freshly flushed in the toilet by one of my owners. I had already forgotten all about the cat fight. I let my tiny nostrils lead the way into the bathroom. The air was still warm and humid from what appeared to have been a long sweaty session. Like a human child rushes to the Christmas Tree so too did I rush to the bowl. The sweet scent got stronger. I gleefully put my front paws up on the rim of the toilet bowl, peeked my head down and there below me was murky, corny soup still settling. I wasted no time in leaping up and sampling this great gift my owners had left me. At first contact with my rough little tongue, I knew the Buenos had struck the jackpot! I continued to slurp greedily at the spicy mixture knowing that my discovery and subsequent scolding by my owner were near at hand. After I was finished, I sauntered by the window, still licking the delectable remains of my feast from my mustache and a whole new round of fighting broke out reminding me that I hadn't even checked to see what had happened from the first fight! It took that second cat fight to remind me about the first one because I had been so totally absorbed in the diarrhea water I had discovered. I suggest to you that you ask him to the movies again and he'll probably remember all about the last time you guys had gone to see one. You may not even have to remind him about the money! ¡Chao!

Have a question for Buenos the Cat?. Well hop to it. Send all of your problems to buenos@stevesword.com.