Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I feel like i have been on hiatus these past few weeks, maybe months. I don't know if it been for lack of inspiration or what....

In fact, i find myself frequently quoting a movie, which a friend of mine wrote about a while back, that has just really stuck in my head. Its from one of my all time favorite movies, Dances with Wolves.

"Why don't he write?" (thanks for the reminder, Angie L (ps if you want to watch that movie together any time, i'm totes IN))

I often say that to myself about myself. Like, "why don't you write?" And i don't really have the answer.

Nope, thats a lie.

I've been burned of late. Did you know that when you just put it all out there---it come back at ya? Lol.

Yea, that can get annoying.

So many people are watching, judging, listening, questioning. And as much as i want to say KNOCK IT OFF!! I know i, too, am a watcher and a listener. I hear what people say and then i watch to see if those actions match.

So that's why i took a break. Too many opinions that i didn't care to deal with. In fact, i think i was sick of myself too. But try getting away from me....its not an easy task!!

But today, as i sat at Caribou with one of my favorite friends, Angela, and we talked about everything under the sun and laughed and disagreed and gave our opinions and discussed all the worlds problems i felt happy.

Just happy.

And ya know what? When you haven't felt like that in a while, you recognize it quickly and you hold on to it dearly.

That Angela, i just love being with her.

We always have so much to talk about, so many topics to cover, and so much to tell.

And when i get to a gettin (like i can) about a topic that may stem from an obsessive patriotism that can come across a bit....errr......harsh. Like i may have said something like "America--love it or leave it!" (insert pointed finger in her direction to really drive my point home) She just chimes in to defend the other side. And i roll my eyes, forgetting how very liberal she is.

But through it all, i can laugh. There is joy in my heart. She reminds me that if she is silent she doesn't want me to assume that she agrees. So she tells me her thoughts regarding my soapbox stuff. She even asked me today, "Have you been watching Fox News?" LOL. Never is she condemning me or patronizing me, there is always a twinkle in her eyes and i know i am safe.

And that's a rare thing.

Its not something that we have to work at, its just easy being with her. Now, i don't know if she would say the same.....but i hope so :) But our relationship had a bump in it. Kind of a big one. And i had to take a tiny step back for a second and evaluate if it was wroth the fight. And you know what? It was very worth the fight. I am thankful to this day that we chose to fight to stay friends. Cause she's just so great.

As i left Caribou today, i think the sun shone brighter. I smiled a bit bigger.

My friends. They are so very important to me.

I often think of another quote that is wildly popular right now. Its from the movie Frozen.

Olaf lights a fire to keep poor Anna warm--even though by choosing to care for her, he was choosing to put himself second. Ya see, he's a snowman. (like anyone doesn't know) so the fire would melt him.

And the line every ones goes gaga over is when she panics and says "Olaf!! You're melting!" and he responds, calmly, "Some people are worth melting for."

Of course i like that line too, but its not like its a new concept for me.

I feel like there has been fires we walk through as friends and many times you have to choose to melt or to leave. To fight for it or against it.

And i like to fight for my friendships. I wish everyone did.

A few years ago when i lost my friend Sarah, my heart hurt. Literally i was in a pain i had never felt, for a whole year, until i decided that she was worth fighting for. I would have stood by a fire and melted for her. And i finally realized that and I fought to tell her that and to mend all brokenness that was between us. I'd have eaten crow for days. I didn't care who did what. I just knew i wanted her back in my life. I missed her something fierce.

And ya know what. I am so thankful, to this day, that i couldn't forget her. Cause i thought i wanted to. Can you believe it? Who would want to be with out her? She's totally awesome. And that fact that i can speak her name aloud now, with out hurting inside, is a good thing. Its something i have been forever changed by. I learned through all of my failures as a friend to her what is valuable and what isn't. And there wasn't an opinion or a disagreement that i had with her that was EVER worth losing her over.

I would mend it a hundred times over.

There are friends in life that come and go (and squirrels, amiright?). And that is perfectly okay with me. The ebb and flow of life. I am trying to learn to let it flow naturally. Though i want to hold everyone close and battle through the differences.

But i've found recently that not everyone feels the same way. Some people don't care as much. And i guess that s fine. But its not me. Heck, i'm trying to mend things with Jeromy's ex wife.....soooo, that tells you how totally nice i am! ;) Lol.

Ya see, i don't like brokenness in things. Not in my people. Its not okay to break something and not repair it. Because a broken thing that never gets fixed? Well, it just stays broken.

And' I'm not a fan of broken.

I know people sometimes call that weak. A person who thinks about a conversation or brings it back up trying to explain an opinion or an offense or a wrong doing. But that's not what i see.

When you wrong someone, hurt them, ignore an olive branch.....Well, it burns my hide is what it does.

This world is full of meanies. Big ol selfish, "my life is way too busy for you" meanies. And i never want to be one of them.. I may be mean. But i won't break something and just walk away.....that, i can promise you!

And i was thinking about this today as i drove away from my wonderful friend, and i was thankful. So thankful for all the good that God has placed in my life.

My kids may not have aunts and uncles that dote on them, they may have never received love from Jeromy's family, we may miss out of things, or have people who are particularly "irregular" in our life. But none of that outweighs the greatness that we do have. I may have friends that always leave me perplexed, or confused, or angry. I may second guess myself about 99% of the day with about 99% of the people i know.

But then God just reminds me of all the good that He has given me. The people like my cousin who always is encouraging me with her kind words after reading a blog, my aunt who "likes" my stuff to show me she cares, or her daughter, who always reminds me when coffee is on sale at Caribou, or my amazing girls, from this state and Arizona, whom I can have the quickest and longest and most confusing and funny conversation with via Facebook and it fills my heart with joy because i know and they know that there is nothing that we could do to break our friendship. Its people like my other friend who can get together at the drop of a hat and just seeing her can turn my day around, lickety split. Its having my Mother. She's just so much better than your moms. (Lol, see how i slipped that one in?) Its a surprisingly meaningful message from an old friend that encouraged me and filled my heart. Its a feeling that is so deep in my soul and it makes up who i am. Those "good people" in my life. My people. The people, whom, long before it was cool---i would melt for.

Today, i am so grateful for the gift of encouragement. Laughter. Smiles. Conversation. Opinions. Truth.

My friends. I'm so grateful for my friends........

..................................

......and television......I'm just really grateful for television too............. :)