Episode 4 The Sontaran Stratagem (1)

Sylvia: Men and their cars. Sometimes I think if I was a car… (sees the Doctor under the bonnet) Oh, it's you! Doctor… what was it?The Doctor: Yeah, that's me.Wilfred: What, have you met him before as well?Sylvia: Dad, it's the man from the wedding. When you were laid up with Spanish Flu. I'm warning you, the last time that man turned up, it was a disaster!

Wilfred: The thing is, Doctor, that Donna is my only grandchild. You gotta promise me you're gonna take care of her.The Doctor: She takes care of me.Wilfred: Oh, yeah, that's my Donna. She was always bossing us round, even when she was tiny. The Little General, we used to call her.Donna: Yeah, don't start.Wilfred: And some of the boys she used to turn up with, a different one every week! Here, who was that one with the nail varnish?Donna: Matthew Richards. He lives in Kilburn now. With a man.

The Doctor: Martha, tell Colonel Mace it's the Sontarans. They're in the file. Code Red: Sontarans. But if they're inside the factory, tell him not to start shooting. UNIT will get massacred.

Wilfred: Is it him? Is it the Doctor? Ah, it's you!The Doctor: Who? Oh, it's you!Donna: What, have you two met before?Wilfred: Yeah, Christmas Eve. He disappeared right in front of me.Donna: And you never said?Wilfred: Well, you never said! Wilf, sir. Wilfred Mott. You must be one of them aliens.The Doctor: Yeah, but don't shout it out. (shakes Wilf's hand) Nice to meet you properly, Wilf.Wilfred: Ah, an alien hand...

General Staal: War can never come too soon. Take your last look, boy.Luke Rattigan: It was never big enough for me.General Staal: I like your ambition.Luke Rattigan: That Doctor… he was in a UNIT jeep. Should have ATMOS installed.General Staal: You said you didn't know his name...Luke Rattigan: I don't, he just said 'Doctor'. What, does that mean something?General Staal: There is an enemy of the Sontarans known as the Doctor. A face-changer.Luke Rattigan: Do you mean he's an alien too?General Staal: Legend says he led the battle in the Last Great Time War. The finest war in history and we weren't allowed to be part of it. Oh, but this is excellent! The last of the Time Lords will die at the hands of the Sontaran Empire in the ruins of his precious Earth!

Commander Skorr: Tell me, boy, how many ATMOS devices have been installed?Luke Rattigan: They've gone worldwide but only about half.General Staal: Which means four hundred million cars converted. A fine arsenal.Commander Skorr: Is it sufficient to trigger the conversion?Luke Rattigan: More than enough, yeah, and that test signal proves that it works. Fifty-two deaths in the same second, man, that was just so cool!General Staal: Is the temperature significant?Luke Rattigan: No… it's just a phrase.

Luke Rattigan: How… do you tell each other apart?General Staal: We say the same of humans.

The Doctor: The Sontarans are the finest soldiers in the galaxy, dedicated to a life of warfare. A clone race, grown in batches of millions, with only one weakness…General Staal: Sontarans have no weakness!The Doctor: No, no, it's a good weakness.Luke Rattigan: I thought you were meant to be clever. Only an idiot would provoke him.The Doctor: No, but the Sontarans are fed by a probic vent in the back of their neck. That's their weak spot, which means they always have to face their enemies in battles. Isn't that brilliant? They can never turn their backs.General Staal: We stare into the face of death!

The Doctor: Sontaran! That's your name, isn't it? You're a Sontaran. How did I know that, eh? Fascinating, isn't it? Isn't that worth keeping me alive?Ross: I order you to surrender in the name of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce.The Doctor: Well, that's not going to work. Cordolane signal, am I right? Copper excitation, stopping the bullets.General Staal: How do you know so much?The Doctor: Well…General Staal: Who is he?Luke Rattigan: He didn't give his name.The Doctor: This isn't typical Sontaran behaviour, is it? Hiding. Using teenagers. Stopping bullets. A Sontaran should face bullets with dignity. Shame on you.General Staal: You dishonour me, sir!The Doctor: Yeah, then show yourself.General Staal: I will look into my enemy's eyes.(Staal removes his helmet)

The Doctor: What a responsible eighteen year old. Inventing zero-carbon cars, saving the world.Luke Rattigan: Takes a man with vision.The Doctor: Hm. Blinkered vision. Because ATMOS means more people driving, more cars, more petrol. End result: the oil's going to run out faster than ever. The ATMOS system could make things worse.Luke Rattigan: Yeah,well you see? That's a tautology. You can't say ATMOS system, 'cause it stands for Atmospheric Emission System, so you're saying Atmospheric Emission System system. Do you see, Mr Conditional Clause?The Doctor: It's been a long time since anyone's said no to you, isn't it?Luke Rattigan: I'm still right though.The Doctor: Not easy, is it? Being clever. You look at the world and you connect things. Random things. You think 'why can't anyone else see it?' The rest of the world is so slow.

The Doctor: Terraforming, biospheres, nanotech steel construction. This is brilliant. Do you know, with equipment like this, you could… ooh, I don't know… move to another planet or something.Luke Rattigan: If only that was possible.The Doctor: If only that were possible. Conditional clause.

Ross: UNIT's been watching the Rattigan Academy for ages. It's all a bit Hitler Youth. Exercise at dawn and classes and special diets.ATMOS: Turn left.The Doctor: Ross, one question. If UNIT think that ATMOS is dodgy…Ross: How come we've got it in the jeeps? Tell me about it. They're fitted as standard on all government vehicles. We can't get rid of them until we prove there's something wrong.ATMOS: Turn right.Ross: (as they turn the corner) Drives me around the bend.The Doctor: Oh, nice one.Ross: Timed that perfectly.

Wilfred: I said so, didn't I? Aliens. I said they was real. I just didn't expect them in a little blue box.Donna: It's bigger on the inside.Wilfred: Yeah, but is it safe? This Doctor, are you safe with him?Donna: He's amazing, Gramps. He's just… dazzling, and never tell him I said that but I trust him with my life.Wilfred: Hold up, I thought that was my job.Donna: You still come first.Wilfred: For God's sake, don't tell your mother.Donna: I dunno. I mean this is massive. It's sort of not fair if she doesn't know.(Sylvia comes in, carrying a washing basket)Sylvia: Doesn't know what? And who's 'she', the cat's mother? And where have you been these past few days, lady, after that silly little trick with the car keys? I phoned Veena and she said she hadn't seen hide nor hair of you.Donna: I've just been… travelling.Sylvia: Ooh, hark at her, Michael Palin. Are you staying for tea? 'Cause I haven't got anything in. I've been trying to keep your granddad on that macrobiotic diet but he sneaks off and gets pork pies from the petrol station. (Wilfred starts to protest) Don't deny it, I've seen the wrappers in the car. Oh, I don't miss a trick. Now, then. What were you going to tell me? What don't I know?Donna: (off Wilfred's look) Nothing. Just… nothing.

The Doctor: I want to talk to this Luke Rattigan, not point a gun at him.Colonel Mace: It's ten miles outside London. How are you going to get there?The Doctor: Well then, get me a jeep.Colonel Mace: According to the records, you travel by TARDIS.The Doctor: Yeah, but if there is a danger of hostile aliens, I think it's better to keep a super-duper time machine away from the front lines.Colonel Mace: I see, so you do have weapons but you choose to keep them hidden.

Martha: Do they know where you are, your family? I mean, that you're travelling with the Doctor?Donna: Not really. Although, my granddad sort of waved us off, but I didn't have time to explain.Martha: You just left him behind.Donna: Yeah.Martha: I didn't tell my family. Kept it all so secret, and it almost destroyed them.Donna: In what way?Martha: They ended up imprisoned, they were tortured. My mum, my dad, my sister. It wasn't the Doctor's fault but you need to be careful. 'Cause you know the Doctor is wonderful, he's brilliant, but he's like fire. Stand too close and people get burnt.

The Doctor: Could you stand back a bit?Colonel Mace: Sorry. Have I done something wrong?The Doctor: You're carrying a gun. I don't like people with guns hanging around me. Alright?Colonel Mace: If you insist.(Colonel Mace leaves)Martha: Tetchy.The Doctor: Well, it's true.Martha: He's a good man!The Doctor: People with guns are usually the enemy in my books. You seem quite at home.Martha: If anyone got me used to fighting, it's you.The Doctor: Oh, right, so it's my fault?Martha: Well, you got me the job. Besides, look at me! Am I carrying a gun?The Doctor: Suppose not.Martha: It's alright for you. You can just come and go but some of us have got to stay behind. So I've got to work from the inside and, by staying inside, maybe I stand a chance of making them better.The Doctor: Yeah? That's more like Martha Jones.Martha: I learned from the best.

(Privates Gray and Harris discover the Sontaran cloning tank)Private Harris: Someone's growing a body. A human body.General Staal: Excellent skills of deduction. I would rate you above average, soldier. Well done. (to Private Gray) Whereas you… you smell of sweat and fear.Private Harris: Yeah? Well, we're not the ones who got out of school early, sonny. Now stop playing Humpty Dumpty and tell us who you are.General Staal: Is that a reference to my height?Private Harris: Short answer: yes.General Staal: A pity. Words are the weapons of womenfolk. I must judge you unfit.Private Harris: What you gonna do? Bite our ankles?(Staal shoots Harris in the leg with a laser, crippling him)Private Gray: I'm warning you!General Staal: A proper soldier gives no warning. Fire. I order you. Fire! (Gray pulls the trigger but the gun doesn't work) The room is contained within a cordolane signal, exciting the copper surface of the bullet and causing expansion within the barrel, rendering your guns useless and your radio signals have been blocked.(Staal shoots Gray in the leg, crippling him)Private Gray: My legs. I can't feel my legs.General Staal: I apologise for disabling you. Death has more honour, but you are needed for the stratagem.

Donna: Okay, so why would aliens be so keen on cleaning up our atmosphere?The Doctor: Very good question.Donna: Maybe they want to help? Get rid of pollution and stuff?The Doctor: Do you know how many cars there are on planet Earth? Eight hundred million. Imagine that. If you could control them, you'd have eight hundred million weapons.

The Doctor: Tell me, what's going on in that factory?Colonel Mace: Yesterday, fifty-two people died in identical circumstances right across the world in eleven different time zones. 5am in the UK, 6am in France, 8am in Moscow, 1pm in China…The Doctor: You mean they died simultaneously?Colonel Mace: Exactly. Fifty-two deaths at the exact same moment worldwide.The Doctor: How did they die?Colonel Mace: They were all inside their cars.Martha: They were poisoned. I checked the biopsies. No toxins. Whatever it is left the system immediately.The Doctor: What have the cars got in common?Martha: Completely different makes. But they're all fitted with ATMOS and that is the ATMOS factory.The Doctor: What's ATMOS?Donna: Oh, come on. Even I know that. Everyone's got ATMOS.Martha: It stands for Atmospheric Emission System. The ATMOS in your car reduces CO2 emissions to zero.The Doctor: Zero. No carbon? None at all?Donna: And you get Sat-Nav thrown in plus twenty quid in shopping vouchers if you introduce a friend. Bargain.

Martha: This is the Doctor. Doctor, Colonel Mace.Colonel Mace: (saluting) Sir.The Doctor: Oh, don't salute.Colonel Mace: But it's an honour, sir. I've read all the files on you. Technically speaking, you're still on staff. You never resigned.Donna: What, you used to work for them?The Doctor: Yeah. A long time ago. Back in the Seventies. Or was it the Eighties? It was all a bit more homespun back then.Colonel Mace: Times have changed, sir.The Doctor: And that's enough of the 'sir'.Martha: Come on though, Doctor. You've seen it. You've been on board the Valiant. We got massive funding from the United Nations, all in the name of homeworld security.Colonel Mace: A modern UNIT for the modern world.Donna: What, and that means arresting ordinary factory workers, in the street, in broad daylight? It's more like Guantanamo Bay out there. Donna, by the way. Donna Noble, since you didn't ask. I'll have a salute.

General Staal: (observing the UNIT forces) Observe their troops. Thin fabrics. Exposed skin. Feeble weapons. These are toy soldiers. The playthings of children.

The Doctor: Martha Jones.Martha: Doctor.(After a few moments, Martha rushes forward and hugs the Doctor)The Doctor: You haven't changed a bit!Martha: Neither have you.The Doctor: How's the family?Martha: You know, not so bad. Recovering.The Doctor: What about you?Martha: (noticing Donna) Right. Should have known. Didn't take you long to replace me then.The Doctor: Now, don't start fighting. Martha, Donna. Donna, Martha. Please don't fight, I can't bear fighting.Donna: You wish. (shakes Martha's hand) I've heard all about you. He talks about you all the time.Martha: I dread to think.Donna: No, no, no. No. He says nice things. Good things. Nice things. Really… good things.Martha: Oh my God. He's told you everything.Donna: Didn't take you long to get over it though. Who's the lucky man?The Doctor: What man? Lucky what?Donna: She's engaged, you prawn.(Martha shows her engagement ring)The Doctor: Really? Who to?Martha: Tom. That Tom Milligan, he's in paediatrics. Working out in Africa right now, and yes, I know, I've got a doctor who disappears off to distant places, tell me about it.Donna: Is he skinny?Martha: No. He's sort of… strong.Donna: (gesturing to the Doctor) He is too skinny for words. You give him a hug, you get a papercut!The Doctor: I'd rather you were fighting.

Luke Rattigan: Her name's Jo Nakashima. A freelance journalist. Clever by the sound of it, not as clever as me- but that goes without saying. I'd recommend termination.General Staal: Remember your status, boy. We do not take orders from humans.Luke Rattigan: I said 'recommend'.General Staal: Then your advice shows military wisdom. She will be terminated.Luke Rattigan: Cool.

The Doctor: We're going to the country. Fresh air and geniuses - what more could you ask?Donna: I'm not coming with you. I've been thinking. I'm sorry. I'm going home.The Doctor: Really?Donna: I've got to go.The Doctor: Well, if that's what you want. I mean, it's a bit soon. I had so many places I wanted to take you. The Fifteenth Broken Moon of the Medusa Cascade, the Lightning Skies of Cotter Palluni's World, the Diamond Coral Reefs of Kataa Flo Ko. Thank you. Thank you, Donna Noble. It's been brilliant. You saved my life, in so many ways. You're... You're just popping home for a visit, that's what you mean.Donna: You dumbo.The Doctor: Then you're coming back.Donna: Know what you are? A great big, outer-space dunce.

Donna: (to The Doctor, regarding Martha): Is that what you did to her? Turn her into a soldier?

(Sontaran removes his helmet)The Doctor: And your name?General Staal: General Staal, of the tenth Sontaran fleet. Staal: the Undefeated!The Doctor: Oh, that's not a very good nickname. What if you do get defeated, "Staal: the not so undefeated anymore but nevermind"?Ross: It's like a potato, baked potato, talking baked potato.The Doctor: Now, Ross, don't be rude, you look like a pink weasel to him.

The Doctor: Getting a bit too close to the 1980s.Donna: What am I gonna do, put a dent in it?The Doctor: Well, someone did...

Donna: The first thing I noticed is an empty fileDoctor: Why what's inside it, or what's not inside it?Donna: Sick days, there aren't any. Hundreds of people working here and no ones sick. Not one hang over, man-flu, sneaky little shopping trip, nothing, not ever, they don't get ill.Colonel Mace: That can't be rightDonna: You've been checking out the building, you should've been checking out the work forceMartha: I can see why he likes you, you are good.

Martha: That's why I thought we needed an expert.The Doctor: Really? Who did you get?(All look at him)The Doctor: Oh right me, yes