Grannies of all times

The winner in the category “the tastiest patties”, main gossip-granny of the house and the mistress of warm socks knitting are congratulated in Polland, where Grandmother’s Day is celebrated today. On the occasion of the holiday we have a selection prepared of both common and unusual special features of grannies of all times…

Realization of the fact that she is a grandmother now doesn’t come to a recent mother at once. Frequently due to association of the new role in the family with anility and beginning of an end a certain period of denial begins, accompanied by radiant make-up, youngish hairdo and borrowing of daughter’s clothes. But in some time grandchildren haver discovers inexpugnable desire to knit a sweater with deer and an excessive hankering to cook (especially on receiving a message that the kids are about to come) for a granny treating with a signature dish is the liveliest stereotype. Signature delicacies (patties, stuffed cabbage rolls, vareniki, or even simply fried potatoes) are sure to be discovered with every holder of the honorable title. It is either life wisdom or a heart put, but there is something that makes her food the best of the best. And no matter how tasty masterpieces of chefs from Michelin stared restaurants are, granny’s meal still sticks to memory better.

Mother’s mother will try to feed you up to the state “I’m going to blow up” regardless of you being two or forty two years old as well as regardless of your weight. For her even grandchildren who hardly fit into two seats in transport seem more anorexic than the thinnest ones. But if somehow after not having visited the old lady for some time you come not to hear her mentioning your exility, it’s high time you make a stash of kefir and purchase a gym membership… Most likely you have some excessive weight…

Although, no. You’ve become really fat! Without respect to modern beauty standards, alongside seeing to no one being blow away with the wind, grandmother will take care of warmth-keeping. It’s all the fault of the habit that harks back into childhood. She is the one to put on a child three hats and four jumpers (and that’s in June). Many years later a lot of people receive presents from old ladies: knitted leg warmers and underwear with reising – to wear beneath you slim-fits – together with the very same woolen socks that don’t really belong in your Louboutins. But what’s so wrong with it?

Another interesting aspect is living with the mother under the same roof. In such cases there is an unscheduled coming of grandmothers to the family. Their moving in mostly coincides with birth of babies. Not knowing how to deal with the youngest family members, people call the oldest ones to the rescue. In this case it is even harder to predict grandmother’s behavior then the future character of a child. But you should be ready to obey and submit in advance. The issue of the head of the family gets solved by itself after the migration and a family regime starts resembling absolute monarchy.

A stand-alone characteristic of every second grandmother is her knowing everything about everybody. Information is easily generated in her wise head and thank to her grey-haired friends is spread in the neighborhood at light speed. It is enough for someone from the house not to say hello to an organized group of “sunflower seeds fans” that gather on the bench, and their vivid fantasy and prompt reaction turn all the disagreeable ones into drug addicts and sluts. So, if you don’t want to blisteringly destroy your reputation together with your karma, mind your manners. They are also the first ones to learn all the economic news, pointing out that buckwheat price grew by seven kopeks while their pension was only increased by four. The wise head would also be able to give political technologists a couple of sound advice since she knows better, for sure.

Grandmothers probably get this extremely quick eye turned on when they get to the age group of “those who are over…” It is for a reason that it’s them who become witnesses to all the crimes in movies. Their losing sight must be causing old ladies to discover new ability – to notice everything. Such situations do happen in real life as well. Ann Timpson from Great Britain won the title in the Internet of the main crime adversary and super granny. Trespasser drew in scooters to the jewelry shop in a broad daylight and started crashing the place with baseball bats. Bad guys were scared of neither a terrified manager who was dialing police with trembling hands nor of passers-by watching them. And there the savior was coming in a bellicose red coat a la superhero’s cloak! Being armed with a purse, she attacked the criminals, striking at them mercilessly. They got perplexed and tried to escape the burglary crime scene but there was no stopping an implacable old woman. One fell, tried to stand up – and only at that point men passing by came to help and a police patrol approached at a leisurely pace…

Not all the grannies of the world even though they know cooking and knitting well, are eager to put on glasses and a bright-patterned robe and sit on a couch, damning a Jose for cheating on a Juanita. In Brazil old women take part in very real beauty contest in their age group. Ladies walk in bikinis and although their titles are higher than “mother”, they can easily compete with moms when it comes to general appearance. Main condition during such events is for a participant to have grandchildren.

And this is all good, interesting and impressive but our own “founts of wisdom” with their bright crimson lipstick and “Red ashberry” toned hair are still closer. So we suggest that you follow the suit of Polish people and give a call or pay a visit to you grannies as well as share stories about their peculiar habits.

P.S. You must be a little confused why there wasn’t a single word mentioning such a significant “compliment” to grandmothers as grandfathers. That’s because they, being true gentlemen, allowed their wives to be the first to celebrate their “professional holiday” while they will have their party tomorrow… Thus, to be continued…

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