It is necessary to reinforce and maintain these beliefs in order for the pattern to survive and this is done by repetition.

Most often some real traumatic event could have started this pattern but it will then run regardless of how true it is if left unchecked.

These patterns also reinforce themselves through self fulfilling prophecies – creating and attracting situations and people who will then then prove the pattern to be “true” – it’s understandable as the pattern has a survival mechanism of its own considers itself to be true – it is looking out for you as best it knows how…

A way to see and change these patterns is to be mindful of your thoughts, notice words and phrases you repeat most often to yourself and others in your speach. How do they make you feel in your body? Quite often these phrases have become condensed so when spoken they come out all together as one tight bunch. They might have become so condensed and tight that they start to have a weight and physical reality (in neural networks atleast 😉 ).

We can free up these tight concepts, however, unpicking and opening up the pattern to find spaciousness itself. The tool to do this is awareness:

“Start to catch yourself as you repeat them, notice them more and more often as they arise and without needing to fight or repress them (they are not the enemy), just thank them for doing what they thought to be best for you and relax. Allow them to sink back into your heart and take a deep breath which will open and give space to these tight ideas. Have the courage to really feel the hurt and emotions that underly the pattern (actually it is this pain they were protecting us from) – cry, scream, shout if the energy comes to do so, but don’t throw out this pain (there are gems there in it for you), bring it right into your heart and feel it, love it as you would a hurt child. If you notice yourself getting distracted away from the feeling by the ideas around it then repeat breathing it into your heart and allowing the underlying feeling.

As we continue to breath and the pattens relax and open, inspiration and novelty begins to enter – suddenly other possibilities and outcomes we had never even dreamed of become visible and clear, a lightness and joy starts to fill our being as we see life as a wonderful mystery again – not some heavy inevitabe noose that has been placed around our necks. Breathe this energy down into your body to your belly and genitals – there might be something for you to do, some real situations that need changing. We are not spiritually bypassing here with positive affirmations that merely placate us on the surface whilst deep down we remain in turmoil. We are feeling our hurts and reclaiming our energy from these patterns in order to live more and more deeply from our most juicy desires (lets call this listening to god..). Allow yourself to feel excited by life.

We have a choice in each and every moment to be aware and to choose what kind of thoughts we want to believe – it takes us out of the position of simply being victims of this world, and turns us into Gods and Goddesses alive and present in the mystery.

This is a simple practice you can do with your partner to help remove emotional stagnation which can blocks intimacy. Give it a shot and be amazed at the results!

1. Sit opposite your partner and take turns 5 min each to completely pour out all the things that are bugging you, don’t hold back or censor it in any way to protect the feelings of the other. The other person simply sits and listens to it all without judgement.

2. Then you change around and the other person lets out all their pent up emotions. Both do this until the charge is dissipated.

One of 2 things happen in this as you are saying all these things then sometimes you realise how ridiculous these judgements on your partner were, or that they are actually about a previous partner or your mother/father etc…

Or something actually sticks, you hear your partner put out a judgement and realise that is kind of true, I knew I did that but didn’t realise other people could see it – and you fess up to yourself.

Most important thing is while being the listening partner is not to try to respond or argue or interrupt the other, if what they are say is just projection it is OK, you don’t need to justify yourself to the other.

3. In the next part of the structure you then take turns to say all the things you love and appreciate about each other, all the little details, now it simply pours out as you have cleared the space for it to flow.