Jimmyjane Founder: Ethan Imboden Interview

Let's Talk Sex Toy Etiquette & Vibrator Lifespans With Jimmyjane

sex toy etiquette

What’s the etiquette (if any) for buying a sex toy for your partner? Should you wait a certain amount of time, save it for a special occasion or spring it on her as a surprise? There is no established etiquette, so it’s good that you’re asking the question because there probably should be one! I think the first thing to do is to be sensitive to your partner’s comfort level. Going a bit outside your comfort zone can be exciting, but going too far is simply uncomfortable. There are a number of ways that you can discover their comfort level, but I think that’s No. 1: Being sensitive. No. 2: Be open to why you’re interested because it’s really easy to misinterpret. If she’s buying a vibrator and suddenly introducing it into the bedroom, or if he’s buying a vibrator and suddenly introducing it into the bedroom, without any preface, it’s open to interpretation. People tend to be very sensitive about their sexuality and tend to go straight to assuming the worst and go: “Oh, I’m not good enough.”

So, if you want to buy a sex toy because the idea turns you on, tell her that. If it’s because she’ll enjoy it, tell her that as well — and tell her why you think she’ll enjoy it. She’ll certainly have an opinion of her own, and if it’s because you’re concerned that you’re not good enough on your own, you should definitely have a discussion about that. The way to address this is not to suddenly show up with a vibrator and say: “Hey, I’m noticing that it’s hard for you to have an orgasm when we’re having sex” or “I’m not sure if you’re enjoying sex as much as I am and I want to find more ways to make it more exciting for you.” Whatever it is, having that conversation is much more productive and that may lead to — and this probably isn’t how the conversation would go at all (laughs) — “Yes, I do need clitoral stimulation during sex and so, yes, either your hand, my hand or a vibrator would be great.” And then the vibrator can enter the equation. But just suddenly showing up with a vibrator can be very confusing if there isn’t already some communication going on.How should men handle sex-toy envy? First of all, realize that it’s not a replacement at all — it’s an accessory. If you use the sex toy together it will be pretty evident to you how much it adds to the experience for her. If he’s still feeling intimidated, or envious if you will, then ask to start with something that’s a smaller vibrator: a Bullet vibrator or a little CHROMA — something that is smaller than he is and realize that for most it’s about clitoral stimulation.

Using a vibrator alone or with a man are two completely different experiences for a woman. With time, this hypothetical man will come to understand that being jealous of her vibrator is like her being jealous of the hand that he masturbates with. The two are completely unrelated — well not completely unrelated, but it’s a misplaced envy.

what to look for in a sex toy

What should a buyer look for when looking to buy a new sex toy? Noise level? Comfort? Style? What are the most common concerns when searching for the perfect toy? This is going to vary widely depending on the couple or the individual, and we actually have a whole section called Vibrators 101 on the website that will walk someone through that process. Yes, all of those are considerations but each person will approach it differently. So, if you are going to be buying a gift for someone and you don’t know what’s important for them, there are good places to start. Something that is simple, that is attractive, not intimidating, and is perhaps more focused on clitoral stimulation is a good place to start. So again, the most economical is the little Bullet vibrator or the iconic Pocket. Something that is a bit more attractive with a bit more functionality would be the CHROMA. Tthese are products that can be used by people during sex but are really approachable and are a great starting point.

If you do know more about the preferences, then that’s very helpful. For many, particularly if it’s a first product, noise is really important. If you buy a Rabbit and you turn it on — and you’ve got the ears going and the shaft grinding — it’s really loud and comical. You immediately feel like you’re having a threesome: It’s you, your partner and this other thing in the bed — and that’s not the idea. The idea is that it’s really about the two of you and your shared experience. So noise level is very important and I think, again, the approachability of the design. Some people might call this the style, but really it is the appearance and the approachability. I would steer away from anatomically representational products such as vibrating penises and dildos shaped like penises. There are many who like those products, but it’s really step two if that’s part of the turn on. People who like those products might actually like a simpler design; people who are only comfortable with the simpler design will really have a hard time with something that resembles a penis. Again, the safe route there if you want something more substantial is the FORM 6. Depending on the means and the experiences of the couple, one gift that we found has been great for people is the LITTLE SOMETHING vibrator in gold or platinum. There’s very little likelihood that it will be received negatively because there’s a lot of thought that went into it and it’s not about a novelty item — it’s really about the two of you.

The other thing to note is that, when it comes to introducing sex toys...you can start the conversation somewhere else entirely. You can begin it with an ember candle, a massage stone or a sensory set which brings the two together. You can begin by bringing other accessories into the bedroom, or wherever it is you’re going to be having sex, and that begins the conversation of “oh we tried this and we did that and I liked this and that” and you’re already on the path toward talking more openly about what feels good, who’s enjoying what and what some of the other possibilities might be.

In fact, in many of our products there’s a "hint card" attached. Each card has a different product on it and it’s actually specifically in there to help people understand the options so they don’t even need to verbalize it — you can leave them around for one another and so on. Getting that communication going doesn’t have to start with a vibrator, it can start with something even more approachable like a massage candle.

In general, what is the lifespan of a sex toy? There definitely is a lifespan on any product, certainly. Every vibrator has the same problem: Over time the vibration destroys the motor, it’s that simple. So, we use extremely high-quality motors so our vibrators last a very long time. In the case of LITTLE SOMETHING and LITTLE CHROMA we went a step further and we designed and patented the world’s only vibrator that has a replaceable motor. Those truly are everlasting. You can simply, without any tools or anything, open it up, slide out the motor unit (it looks just like a AA battery) and slide in a replacement and it’s good to go. People really love that functionality because it enables us to make beautiful products out of these beautiful materials that we know are going to last. In FORM 6 there’s a one-year warranty. We test all of our products to last beyond three years (our target is five), and FORM 6 will certainly do so. That is exceptional in the market, and I think what you will find in most products is a significantly shorter lifespan.

One of my concerns with the industry is that previously, there hasn’t really been a correlation between what you pay and what you get. I think it’s really important for people to realize that you can spend a lot of money on a vibrator and still get a vibrator that’s not necessarily going to last that long. You really need to believe in the company that’s making the product and you really should look for a warranty behind the product. Finally, be confident that the company is going to stand behind the product.

the future of sex toys

Do you foresee a new generation of sex toys emerging on the horizon? What’s the craziest toy you have heard rumors about or considered designing? Unfortunately, or well fortunately, the major trend is to step up and approach good manufacturers and use good materials. So the great news here is that a much higher percentage, as we go forward, will be made with safe materials. The big revolution coming is that as this industry continues to grow, it will require to undergo some level of certification for safety — certification that applies to so many other categories of products that are there to protect customers... It’s not as exciting to talk about, but that’s probably the next big shift for the industry of products.

In terms of innovations, I think there is an increased focus on couple’s sexuality and a real acknowledgment that people aren’t necessarily using vibrators alone — often, they’re using them together. This influences designs and really work well for that use. There’s going to be a very strong trend toward that in the near future.

For Jimmyjane, it’s not looking like there’s a gazillion bells and whistles. It’s about just providing a great experience. So a lot of the technology that we’re incorporating is going to be within the product and the materials, in a way, much like your iPhone. You don’t think about all the things that are going on to make it work the way it does. You just know how to use it intuitively — so that’s really what our products are going to be.