Ramblings of a would be disciple.

﻿The ramblings of a would-be disciple﻿

I was born into a Christian family and made my own decision to follow Jesus when I was 11 years old. When I look back on my life and my journey of faith it is tinged with sadness at years and years of wasted opportunities. I have allowed so many other things to get in the way of my seeking and following God. Some seemed legitimate, others were sheer disobedience.

Don't get wrong, I have tried my best to live my life as a Christian but over the last five or so years I have come to realise that what people saw of me on the outside was often not the same on the inside. I was a spiritual schizophrenic !

I remember sitting in bed one night in May 2009 extremely conscious of my sin. I went and found an empty notebook to use as my journal. I wrote at the top of the first page the following verse from 2 Corinthians chapter 4 verse 1 which from The Message says,

"We refuse to wear masks and play games."

That night started me on a new journey of seeking God. A journey that I had never been on before.

If I am honest this current leg of the journey hasn't been nor continues to be an easy one. I have been through real "hard times" in my life and I feel now the call of discipleship becoming louder and louder.

My friend Neil said something very profound last year which has been an integral part of my current journey. He said,

"Before we do, we must be."

That is my desire each morning as God and I meet in my front room. I know I must "do", but first I must "be".

My deeper relationship has all come as I have begun to seek God more.

I want to be a disciple of Jesus. This desire can be summed up in 1 John‬ ‭2‬:‭4-6 which‬ in The Message says,

"This is the only way to be sure we’re in God. Anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of life Jesus lived."

This is the journey I am on. I want to be obedient to the will of the Father and to seek first the kingdom of God as Jesus did or as the Message puts it and I've personalised it. I need to