Spin, Store a Yarn

Saw this classified posting on mediabistro.com a journalism/media website this morning:

Yarn Coordinator job in New York, NY at SoHo Publishing Company

I’ve had plenty of editors say I need to spin a yarn, but I’ve never been in the position of having to coordinate one. I tried to imagine what that job would be like. You’d sit in your cubicle eight hours a day looking musingly up and to the right, conjuring tales. When one comes to you, you center yourself in front of the computer and enter it into a database. Or better yet, you write each idea down, slip it into a canister, and arrange it on a towering wall of cubbies. Train robbery? Transportation column, row crime.

Just when I was ready to file my own yarn under “I” for Ideal Job, I clicked on the description:

Publisher of consumer knitting publications seeks a passionate needleworker with excellent verbal and written communications skills…

Oh, how disappointingly… literal. Still, I liked the idea of looking for a “passionate needleworker” with “excellent verbal” skills and read on. Here are the choicest of the job requirements:

writing yarn updates and other yarn-related copy for magazines

answering yarn-related consumer mail

Must be extremely well organized and able to juggle multiple projects with aplomb

Do let us be clear, all updates, copy and mail you would be responsible will be YARN-RELATED. Juggling ability preferred. Ok, that’s a pretty common way of saying “multitask,” but to me, it’s hilarious juxtaposed with yarn, something one could literally juggle. C’mon, that’s funny.

By the way, this job pays “under $35,000” a year. And I’m not qualified for it.