2. Do you have a “cuckoo person in the lobby” emergency button under your desk?
No, I usually just walk away or call someone to come rescue me.

3. If so, can you please tell me who it notifies? (I bet it’s the janitor. Every church janitor I have ever known looks like they could cut you. Not would, but could. And not deep, just enough to let you know trash cans on wheels are not designed for races.)
Marcus probably would cut you.

4. Is it true that sometimes you write funny messages in the bulletin just to see who notices?
No, I sneak them into the checklists and see how often we ‘beat the children’ or ‘slap a parent’ just to test the Children’s Ministry workers to see if they’re reading what they’re checking. 😉

5. When you’re mad at the pastor do you ever send him off to fake lunch appointments just so he’ll sit in some restaurant and stare at his watch for 30 minutes and be out of your hair? I probably would.
No, but sometimes I ‘forget’ to tell Jamie important things.

6. Do you have an arch nemesis that works at the church? It’s gotta be the youth minister. They make the biggest messes, use the most liability waiver forms and probably occasionally do pranks that involve you needing to call animal rescue services to remove a small woodland creature from the sanctuary.
No.

7. If you don’t have an arch nemesis, who would you leg sweep? I’m talking members, staff, volunteers. Who is getting the leg sweep?
I’d probably do that even if they aren’t a nemesis. Just for practice.

8. How long did you keep the secret bathroom all to yourself without telling anyone else it existed?
People know now, since Robert Kelly posted a picture of it on Facebook.

9. Does the pastor ever tell you to create a rule so that certain people’s emails go right to the spam folder instead of his inbox? Am I on the list? Shoot me straight.
Everyone goes to spam.

10. Do you ever shot block volunteers out of love? Someone tells you “My kid is great at that Wii thing. I think he’d be good at designing your church website” and you reply, “Nah, we’re good. Thanks though.”
Often.

11. Are you ever tempted to wield the office supply requisition form like a powerful weapon? “Oh hey, you didn’t remember professional admin day this year. Hope you enjoy the cheap bic pens that come in a 400 pack.” That kind of thing. Ever do that?
I got a $17,000 printer for Admin’s day. (And a card with cash monies)

12. Has a worship leader ever tried to write off hair product as a work expense?
Mario does it all the time.

If you’re a church secretary, please feel free to set the record straight.

If you’re not, but have a question of your own, please add it to the list.

Do you agree that the church secretary is the most powerful person at a church?