Cards Against Humanity, Assault By Lollipop, Orange Pants And A Box Of Wine – These Are Some Of My Funny Cruise Stories

I’ve spent so much time onboard cruise ships that nothing really surprises me anymore when it comes to things I’ve seen or heard from my fellow passengers and crew members. I could write a book. An anonymous book, but I could write one. These are just a few of my funny cruise stories and I hope you all enjoy them! Have you any tales to tell from the high seas? Leave me a comment or join in the chat on Facebook and Twitter.

Assault by lollipop

On a cruise in 2016, my friend and I met a wonderful couple who were part of the guest entertainment line-up for that sailing. We got on brilliantly and to this day we still keep in touch.

One evening, my friend and I decided it would be funny to write little riddles for them and post them under their cabin door, anonymously, of course.

The morning the ship arrived in Fuerteventura, we slid another note under the door before heading for breakfast and then to the lounge to check in for our tour. We’d been leaving notes for a few days and never given it much more thought than in the moment.

As we waited for the stragglers to get back to the coach, the lady started telling me that she was worried she had a stalker onboard. She kept receiving odd notes under the door and she was going to report it to reception. With the penny now not just dropping with me, but sinking, I asked her if she was sure it wasn’t just someone having a joke, it didn’t sound at all sinister to me – she’d even shown me one of the notes – it just seemed like a guessing game.

After several more minutes of conversation, I boarded the tour coach and raced to the back to tell my friend that we had a problem.

We were crying with laughter, but also felt we should come clean. I left the bus and told the lady that we were behind the notes under the door and as we were neighbours and her husband a retired police officer, they probably should have figured that out. I was promptly beaten (in the friendliest of ways) with the typical tour guide lollipop and then chased up the gangway by her husband when we returned to the ship. We’re still good friends, but they know to watch out when we’re about.

Drinking under the table

On a cruise across to the Caribbean several years ago I spotted something odd.

It was a warm evening, so my friend and I decided to sit outside and chat, with a few drinks from the bar, obvs. An older couple were sat two tables down from us and I noticed that they never went to the bar, but their glasses were always full of wine. I watched for a while and then I realised what was going on. In the classiest of classy ways, they were refilling their wine glasses from a box of wine that was being concealed behind the ladies oversized bag.

That was the first and last time I did see a box of wine aboard a cruise ship. I have to be honest, in an odd way, I was quite impressed.

Put on some clothes

A man in bright orange Speedo’s was the hot topic of conversation for 2 weeks during a Mediterranean sailing, which was also my second cruise.

I’m not saying he was unattractive to look at, but I can’t have a conversation with someone that is standing in front of me naked, aside from one pair of very small, bright orange pants. I felt like I was starring in National Lampoon’s Vacation, I was just waiting for cousin Eddie to turn up.

Cards Against Humanity

This story is exactly why you should never judge a book by its cover. It was a Saga ship, yes, Saga, and on evenings before sea days a group of us would gather on the Verandah for a risky and raucous game of Cards Against Humanity.

There were no rules, aside from having fun, and we would sit for hours, sometimes until the early hours of the morning, laughing and joking, and hollering at the crew that were trying to hose the deck above but showering us in the process.

Each day, my friend and I would be asked “are you bringing the cards out tonight, girls?” the Saganauts were hooked! They couldn’t get enough of it.

Our record for gamers in one night was 16 and we were all perched around our makeshift gaming table. That evening, myself and another female passenger were the last ladies standing. We stayed up until 3am chatting about life and enjoying our drinks. We passed one another the following day and said we had to ensure that we were never left alone together again – she hadn’t managed to greet the day until it was almost time for afternoon tea, and I’d certainly not been up before the sunrise.