Suit of the Week: Halogen

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

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Here are the pants: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-taylor-double-check-plaid-pants/3308277?origin=keywordsearch&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=415
Did I miss any big news while on vacation?

Welcome back! The weekend comments are apparently meaner than weekday threads. Kat showed us her jewelry collection (I love the brooches). You can make jewelry out of dried flowers (super amazing in my book, but then again I am very sentimental). There’s probably more but I am drawing a blank.

Wow, I love this — especially the welt pockets and the bias cut side panels on the skirt. It’s just a little different but not so distinctive that you couldn’t wear it often. This is going on my sewing inspiration board!

wow, i really want this, AND it’s practical, and the right price!! Uh oh, i think im in trouble. I’ve been thinking for a while that the next thing I really needed was a suit that is not solid black or solid grey. This is a subtle pattern, AND has black accents which i really like. UH OHS!!!!

But we don’t know that “they” posed her that way. Maybe she jumped her there to show off her legs. I think its more insulting to assume that “they” had her pose like that, like she is not capable of standing up to the pressure, than the picture is insulting.

I don’t know . . . I think you are downplaying the sexism. Even if she was okay with it, it’s likely because she knows that’s the type of thing that will get her ratings up. Why does the female need to show her legs? No, I’m sure she wasn’t forced, but that doesn’t make that picture any less ridiculous.

Highly unlikely that she came up with that pose herself. She might’ve been into it, but knowing professional photographers, they generally have few qualms about perceived sexism/racism/other isms as long as the shot looks great and garners attention, and I’m betting the photographer took a look at her legs, and said “You, on the table. Show off them gams.” Photographers want people to look at their photos -bottom line.

I just use the ones that you can get for free at Nordie’s and similar stores. Just ask for a garment bag when you check out. I think one of my suitcases came with one too. They have nicer, sturdier ones for more serious travelers at luggage stores.

Yes, but that only takes you so far – if Mika and Joe swapped clothes, that would have looked ridiculous too.

I don’t have a position on this one way or another but I watch a lot of Morning Joe and Mika freaking loves her legs. Seriously, they may as well have their own chair. Quite frankly, if I was 45 and had her legs, I would feel the same way. Hell, I’d feel that way now. So, on the one hand – is it a little sexist? Maybe. But maybe she also decided, “F. it, I have amazing legs, I am going to look damn good on this piano, and I feel like posing like this right now and I have enough credibility to do it given all I have accomplished, so to hell with it.” It’s complicated.

Those of you with younger siblings (or those that are younger siblings)- I need some help on providing sisterly advice vs. backing off.

My younger sister is in her mid 20s. She has an undergrad degree in sociology from a top 20 public school, and good grades. Since she graduated in 2009, she’s been employed but with absolutely no career focus. She has also moved all over the country (for an adventure, for a boy, for whatever–but not for a career).

I know she’s not happy bouncing from job to job, but she doesn’t like any of the jobs she’s had (americorps, babysitter/part time kindergarten teacher, day care teacher). She has specifically said she does *not* want to go back to school to be a teacher. She just has no idea what she wants to do, no “professional” experience, and is getting frustrated living on low-wage jobs with poor benefits.

So…how do I help? Do I just let her flail? I know she’s not happy (she’s said “I’m not happy- I just don’t know what to do!”). My suggestion of grad school (that was my solution!) didn’t go over well since she doesn’t know what she wants to do. Also, she’s on the west coast now (again) and I’m all the way across the country.

The kicker is that she’s met someone she wants to/could easily see herself getting married to…and he is in a similar life position. I think he now has a job (she just moved to SFO and is looking for FT work but has been temping), but it’s doing house painting or something– nothing stable.

It sounds like she’s doing exactly what most people do in their mid-20s. Provide support and encouragement as needed, but it seems to me, she’s doesn’t need help, she just needs to figure out what she wants to do with her life. And that’s something you can’t help with.

My suggestion would be that she contact the career services office of her alma mater. (She can do this over the phone or online.) They work with alums, and there is a lot they can do (in terms of career counseling, assessments, resume coaching, etc.). She may be able to hear good advice better when it’s coming from someone not in the family (sadly). And as an academic, I actually *wouldn’t* recommend grad school as an automatic move. Given how costly higher ed is these days, and how much loan debt students have even for bachelors, I often find myself encouraging students away from grad or professional school if they don’t seem particularly interested in the field, and just see it as a way to get more opportunities. Those students, IMHO, are the most likely to end up with more debt and the fewest opportunities. Hope this is helpful.

On grad school— the only reason I suggested it is because she actually has no student loan debt, a $10k education stipend, great undergrad grades, and CA residency. I ran the numbers on a couple of programs and with the amount of merit $ and/or state tuition rates, she could get in and out of a program in 12-24 months for not all that much debt, and she could get a lot of good exposure via internships etc. That being said, she’d have to figure out what she’d want to go for. Not teaching, apparently :). But–generally speaking– I agree wholly that grad school is not an auto answer.

I already suggested going via her alma mater; it has not been helpful for her. She’s very much open to advice from me, I just haven’t come up with anything helpful yet. My path was much more focused (specific ugrad degree –> 3 years doing very related work; decided I didn’t like it –> grad school –> job I did like –> new job I like in same field).

I’m the same age as your sister, and a lot of my friends are in this position. I think part of the problem is that we have been told all our lives that with a college degree we can do anything, and that we should like save the world or whatever.

I seriously was having a panic attack when I thought about jobs because I was thinking “THIS IS GOING TO BE THE REST OF MY LIFE! I HAVE TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION BECAUSE I WILL HAVE TO DO THIS JOB FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!”

This thinking was obviously crazy pants, and I have since let that go. But perhaps your sister just needs some help in identifying what she is good at and what she likes. She may be bouncing around from job to job because she doesn’t know enough about what she wants from a job.

I also have a friend though that has bounced around from job to job because she never likes her bosses, and in reality would only ever be happy working for herself.

Make sure to help her think outside the corporate box, from what it sounds she likes a little adventure/flexibility, so getting out of this mindset may help her find something that is more fulfilling for her.

Is part of the problem that she’s good at many things? If so, remind her that a choice now doesn’t mean she’s choosing against everything else forever; she’s making a choice for the moment.

If she were near her college, then I’d suggest talking to the career center there. That may still be a good place to look.

Does she have a copy of What Color is Your Parachute?

Around here, the county vo-techs offer career guidance services for free, so that’s another place to look.

If nothing else is available, I’m fairly certain you can get career guidance via the web or skype.

You say that she’s far away from her alumni network, but I’d still join the appropriate alumni group on facebook and linkedin and let people know I was looking. She won’t be the only alum who has moved far away. It may be more helpful once she has an idea of what she wants to do, though.

Disagree. I don’t think the problem is that she doesn’t realize she shouldn’t be flailing. The problem seems to be that she doesn’t know what she wants to do. DD didn’t give me much help in that arena, just confirmed that I needed to figure out (on my own) what career path I wanted to follow, and get my butt in gear doing it.

It also scared me witless regarding biological clocks.

I don’t discourage you from giving it to her -it’s a good book for 20-somethings. But it won’t help her figure out what she wants to do. I’d suggest Now What? or What Color… for that.

It seems like a fine distinction, but I see The Defining Decade as a book that helps you make a plan for what you need to do to get your life together, but not a book that shows you how to actually do that. From what you’ve described, it sounds like your sister still needs to make the plan, so I think she’ll find the book very helpful. It might be that she finds her plan, does it and magically has her life together, or it might be that she makes her plan and starts realizing that there are other skills she needs to develop in order to get things together. Personally, I found it a great read and would really recommend it.

“Do I just let her fail?”
It does not sound like she is failing. She graduated from a good college. She is temping, looking for permanent employment and trying to figure out what she wants to do for a living. She is on her way.
Your suggested solution of gradschool for the problem of not knowing how to start a career is, in my view, “pre-recession.” If the days of young indecisive college graduates enrolling in expensive masters programs aren’t over, they should be. Grad school is what you should do only if it is necessary to achieve a specific career goal, not what you should do when you don’t know what to do.

Mid-20s is the new early-20s. People used to flounder in college, now they flounder after college, and the rotten job market for new grads makes it much harder to fall into a job and get carried along into a career.

If it makes you feel any better, I am almost 30 (eep) and had several friends who did this sort of aimless job-holding and moving post-college graduation. They are all now happily employed in career-path positions, with the last landing a job just this fall. If she wants help, maybe offer to pay for a few sessions with a life coach and send her some books, or point her toward some online personality tests (MBTI, Strengths Finder, etc).

I would just be there to listen. It is so much harder to get a job as a college grad now than it was just a few years ago. People just don’t stumble into amazing jobs the way they used to just 5 years ago.

I would suggest that she try out a series of internships in fields that she is interested in while continuing to have less “careery” type of employment to keep herself self-sufficient. It’s a low stress way to “try on” a career that she might like without making the huge commitment of grad school. Also, people tend to hire their interns so when she hits upon a career field she likes she will have a leg up.

As someone who was uber-focused in her 20s, rushed through law school right after undergrad, took a Very Serious Job at the age of 24 that paid a lot and had great benefits, and has generally been very miserable ever since … I’m honestly a little jealous of your sister. I wish now that I had taken a little time to find myself in my early 20s when I was fresh out of college, had virtually no debt or other obligations and could just pick up and move to another part of the country.

Be there for her, listen and provide advice, and when she’s ready to settle down she probably will.

Agreed…I went straight into grad school (because I knew what I wanted to do and needed a Masters to do it) and then into the job market. I like my job and my career field, but I never had that period of time to screw around. I mean I guess college was the period…but I got really good grades and always worked/volunteered/ran clubs. I’m a little jealous of the people that take a year off. Or go teach english for a year in France. I could never do that now with my grad-school debt load.

Seconded. I was on the straight and narrow throughout my twenties, and while I know it’s easy to discount what you have…I wish I had laid off the pressure on myself and done some more interesting things.

Also, the brass ring you’re going for while avoiding all of life’s temptations sometimes doesn’t even materialize.

I’d go even further and say the LATE twenties are the new early twenties. People are taking longer and longer to do what looks good to their concerned elders, and some of that is because there’s so little stability available even to the hardest workers. I’m a big sister myself and am trying to go easier on everyone these days, myself included.

I totally agree with Little Sis. I was a hyper focused 20-something & I’ve often wished I goofed off a little more and took more time to find myself/figure out what really moved me instead of gunning for a big career right out of college.

PS – for what it’s worth, I’m a big sis too & my own little sis “flailed” about in her 20s too, and now in her 30s is flourishing (heading up a department at a mega-corp while juggling twins & a fabulous husband). She’s certainly done just fine for herself. I join the chorus of “don’t worry about it too much” — little sisters have a way of pulling things off that olders don’t even think of.

I am all over this post (apparently), but my advice to 20-somethings is to really go for the job you’d love to have when you’re young & can live on a small salary/with roommates, etc. Take the internship, do the grunt work job, that kind of thing. I’d suggest looking at craigslist (in Northern California it’s quite popular) at job categories she’s interested in (for me, it was always art/fashion/design) & see what’s out there. It’s much harder to pursue a passion the older you get & I think people are happiest doing what they love.

Back off. Just because she isn’t doing things the way you did, or having early “success” the way you might of doesn’t mean she is “flailing” or “failing.”

Sometimes, the internal pressure to feel like you have accomplished something on a certain time frame is worse than real failure.

And it seems like you are thinking it is your duty to figure out your sister’s life. It is not. Your duty is to listen, and support and encourage. To do otherwise and have your sister not like the result could really cause damage to your relationship.

I think she needs a plan or at least do a little research because otherwise you’re right, she’ll just flail around from job to job. . Going to grad school may be the option, but she should be sure what she wants (or pretty sure) before incurring debt or investing the time. It may be that a post-undergrad certificate (in HR or Accounting or Information Security or whatever) will suffice or she may decide that a grad degree is the way to go.

She could start with reading a few books. This is a good one: “The Pathfinder: How to Choose or Change Your Career for a Lifetime of Satisfaction and Success by Nicholas Lore.” This book includes Myers-Briggs inventories, which addresses working styles and takes it a few steps further. Very helpful. There is also the Strong Interest Inventory, which is usually administered by career centers but she may be able to find someone else to administer it for cheap.

There is also the tried and true: “What Color is Your Parachute” by Bolles. Both of these books can probably be found at her local library for free or online at amazon or B&N for $10 each.

I’d tell her that the best way to end up somewhere where you are happy is to plan. Even if you don’t end up where you planned, you have a better chance of being someplace that fits you – IMO- than if you don’t plan. Good luck to her!

I second the recommendation of The Pathfinder. I don’t usually get on with self-help type books, but I’ve found this one useful. By doing its exercises I’ve been able to put together a list of areas I think I might be interested in working in to research further.

It really does sound like what she needs to do is find some focus. Encourage her to find *a* path that intrigues/excites/interests her, and to set some goals related to that path. It sounds like she could really use to be reminded that it is *a* path she’s looking for, not *the* path. She’s not making a forever commitment to a field or career path, she’s making a commitment to herself to find out more. I second the recommendation for What Color is Your Parachute– it’s very helpful for choosing an initial path. Suggest to her that what she needs is set some attainable career goals in a field– really, any field!– that appeals to her. Then, when she has found a position that aligns with those goals, she can evaluate carefully what she likes and doesn’t like about the job, work, and environment. Her career can be like finding a partner: She doesn’t have to marry a career right now. She just needs to start dating them, and quit hooking up with the lousy ones that are easiest to find.

It sounds like she’s open to advice or suggestions from you, so I don’t think this is a situation where you’d be sticking your nose in where you’re not wanted. If it were me, I absolutely would not “let her flail.” You don’t have tell her what to do — just recommend some books and other resources other people have found useful and suggest she check them out.

I second (third, fifth, tenth) the recommendations for “What Color is Your Parachute?” and “The Defining Decade” and will add two more I haven’t seen here that I myself found particularly useful: “Wishcraft” and “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was” — both are by Barbara Sher.

Also — maybe have a conversation with her about how you found your path, or that first job where you felt like you might want it to go somewhere, or how you discovered you actually want to be a _____? (Unless you’re one of the rare few that woke up at age seven knowing that you were born to be an equine veterinarian, etc.)

Psychologically, it may help her to reframe her current situation as “gathering information,” rather than flailing about/jumping from dead-end-job to dead-end-job, being underemployed. She has figured out that she does not want to be a teacher. That’s great! Being able to rule out something you thought you might want to do is extremely useful in honing one’s understanding of what one *does* want to do/would be happy doing for a living.

I found career counseling very helpful, as my career counselor helped me identify what was important to me in my work, both in terms of what I enjoy doing *and* what I was seeking in a work environment (e.g., a balance of independent and team work, definitely having a say in how I’d be accomplishing my work goals).

Add to that maybe some volunteer work in an environment she is curious about.

My parents have beautiful stemware (wine and water glasses) that have a stripe of gold painted on the rim. Over the years, this stripe has worn off of several pieces. Is it possible to send them off somewhere to get repainted? Is this expensive? I’m thinking of possibly getting this done for them as an anniversary gift at some point in the relatively near future.

If you can’t find the manufacturer like JR suggested, talk to a local jeweler. They gave me an estimate to get my mother’s silver replated (which I seriously hope she does before she gives it to me because it is CRAZY expensive), so they might be able to help you with the crystal too. It sounds like a lovely gift, by the way.

Could you wear this jacket as a separate — with black pants? I’m never sure if you can pair a grayish suit-type jacket with black pants — or if that looks weird.

I need a couple more blazers/jackets and I’m having a hard time finding ones I like. I am looking for an ivory/cream and a purple/red — and gray if you guys will vote for that. My usual office attire is sweaters & pants. I go to court only occasionally, but for depositions I would like to wear a blazer/jacket.

I really like this one from Anthropologie to wear as a separate. It’s definitely more casual, but it also looks super comfy. Anthro’s website can be somewhat unreliable appearance wise, but this has solidly positive reviews. Price isn’t bad either. I like the purple and the light grey color.

i have a pair of red skinny jeans. i cannot for the life of me figure out what color top to pair with them other than white. i’m looking for something casual – i’m hosting a big end-of-summer bbq this weekend and want to wear them, but all i can come up with is “white tank top” which seems unacceptably boring, and also maybe a little fourth-of-july-ish. help?

I have a pair of red skinnys that I just can’t get enough of! It can be paired w/ SO much other than white. Try w/ a denim chambray shirt. You can also go w/ tan or khaki colors. Black/white stripes, or navy blue/white stripes. Gray or black, too. Or white w/ a cheetah print scarf or flats. Just google “how to wear red skinnies” and there are pictures and blog pages galore.

I love a chambray shirt with colored skinnies. I would also suggest something on the opposite of the color wheel, maybe a green, but more like mint to avoid the Christmas feeling, or turquoise. Light pink would be fun, if you can wear it, or orange.

I think that a cobalt blue would be cute, but could come off as 4th of July-ish. A print is always a good option as well, maybe find something with red in it as a small portion, but with more of other colors.

thanks guys – i thought cobalt at first too, but my concern with that and with the chambray was the fourth-of-july thing. black seems too harsh, but maybe i’ll try something on tonight. i do LOVE the turquoise idea – that actually might be a way to make the white tank top work, since i have some great turquoise statement necklaces. this place is a goldmine.

Threadjack: Corporettes, can y’all help me calm down!?!
I applied for my dream job and had the final round interview last Friday. I think it went well, and they said I’d hear back from them soon.On Monday, I got an email from my HR contact asking if I had time for a 15 minute call, and then this followup:

“Hi Wayward,
While we’re trying to nail down a time for a final discussion….
I would like to better understand some details as we approach the close of the interview process from you. If we were to extend you an offer to join, assuming you accept, what is the earliest date you can start? I am just gathering some logistical information.
Thanks.”

After a bit of back and forth — I answered that I could probably start in October, depending on the time of offer finalization which would affect when I’d give my current employer at least 2 weeks notice, etc– this:

“Wayward,
Thanks. No need for a call tomorrow. I have the info I need. Allow us to manage the details on our end. I will circle back with you.”

This means I’m probably going to get an offer, right? Maybe? Hopefully? Contact hasn’t “circled back” yet, but I literally* cannot concentrate on anything. So anxious! Any tips on how to take my mind off and focus on the work I have to do for the job I actually have?!

But to warn you, I have had similar conversations like this (usually with govt agencies) that resulted in a phone call from the hiring manager telling me that while they really liked me, I was not going to be offered the job. I am telling you this — which I know is not at all what you want to hear — as a reminder that it’s not an offer until it’s an offer.

If you can’t focus, try cleaning up your desk or some other mindless task that will allow you to burn off your excess energy. Then go for a run or something when you get home.

And finally, and most importantly of all, good luck!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that you have good news very soon. :)

I’m spending this weekend in NYC with my boyfriend. He’s working there this month and we’re going to hang out in the city so that we can see each other.

Does anyone have any suggestions for things to do, places to eat, etc? We’ve been there many times, me moreso than him, but enough that I’ve done all the major touristy things that I need to do. I know there must be tons of interesting things to do, but I’m drawing a complete blank! We’ll be staying in the financial district, but are willing to traipse around town.

Nom. I second Hangawi! My other fav vegetarian place is Curly’s on 14th between 1st and 2nd. And make sure you get dessert from Curly’s and/or walk to Atlas on 4th and 2nd and get delish vegan treats there.

Agree about the High Line, it’s fabulous, and then you can easily explore Chelsea and the Meatpacking District — lots of great bars and restaurants.

Another idea: try taking the 2 or 3 train to Clark Street in Brooklyn (or the A train to High Street), and then walking through the beautiful new Brooklyn Bridge Park, which hugs the East River and gives you to-die-for views of the Manhattan skyline. (Get a good map, or check the route on your smart phone first, it’s not obvious where to go when you get off the train.) From here, you could explore the DUMBO neighborhood, and/or just proceed to walk back over the Brooklyn Bridge to Manhattan — on sunny day, there’s nothing like it. Then you can walk up through Tribeca to Chinatown for a dim sum lunch or dinner, or a snack. Keep walking north to SoHo and the Village, and find a great little restaurant in the West Village for dinner. (Bring good walking shoes!)

It should be a warm and sunny early fall weekend in NYC, so it’s a great time to visit!

Try the Brooklyn botanical garden… it’s a straight train ride from Manhattan. I went there with some visiting relatives and it was way more fun and captivating than I expected. You can easily spend a few hours there. And the food at their cafe which uses fresh produce from the garden is simply amazing.

I’m going to put in a plug for the West Village! So many cute restaurants/bars. Morandi, Little Owl, DeSantos, Wilfie & Nell, the list could go on. Great for brunch or dinner.

Silver Lining in Tribeca is a fun spot for dinner or drinks. They have live jazz music (at least on the weekends), but it isn’t so loud that you have to yell. You can never go wrong with Locanda Verde in Tribeca either.

I also really like the cafe at Bergdorf’s in midtown if I am feeling fancy. A little pricey, but the views are spectacular.

Yes! There are loads of free online classes for learning some computer science basics. If you already have taken a few computer science courses, I recommend checking on CS 193P on iTunesU. If you have never coded, I recommend poking about the web or iTunesU for some basic CS courses first.

Weighing poll – how often do you weigh yourself? Up until a few weeks ago, I NEVER weighed myself, which is how I’ve gotten into this mess in the first place. I went to the doctor, got weighed, and was horrified by the number. It was just the kick in the pants I needed to do something about it, and I’ve been doing online WW for about a month. I do the weekly weight tracking but am tempted to do it more often. Should I? Will that just annoy me? I am afraid I will tend towards obsessing about it if I weigh more often, but I also am afraid of not tracking it more closely.

This is sort of how I’d been doing it, except apparently my clothes have a lot more give / elastic than I realized. I’ve creeped up almost 15 lbs. without noticing it too much in my clothes. Hence, the shock at the doctor’s office.

Same – every morning (unless I really over-indulged the night before, and then the next day after that). The way I look at it is that it is much easier for me to knock off 2 pounds than to wait a couple weeks and have to get rid of 10!

I weigh Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. It’s often enough to keep me on track without making me obsessive about my weight. Keep in mind your scale at home could give you a different weight (plus or minus a couple pounds) from the WW scale.

Me too. When I was loosing weight, though I weighed every day. BUT I never obessed about the number. If it was a couple of pounds higher than I expected I could usually figure out why (PMS, too much sodium the day before) but even if I couldn’t I’d let it go & hope it would go back down again in a couple of days, and it always did.

I weigh myself every morning, without fail. About a year ago, I lost 30 pounds and have kept it off ever since. A big part of that has been experimenting with what I need to do to keep myself at this weight — if I start to creep up more than a pound or two, I want to know that right away so that I can get myself back on track. I give myself a five pound range of where I want to be, and if I go over that top end of that range, then I immediately go back to salads, tracking what I eat, etc. Weight creeping on bit by bit was how I got myself overweight in the first place, and I’m not letting it happen again by accident.

I weigh in at my weekly meetings and then maybe once or twice at home on top of that. I mostly use clothing/how I feel to determine things. I can get kind of obsessive about it if I do it too much. Mostly what works for me is tracking, tracking, tracking and planning, planning, planning. The scale is just a reflection of that, and in all honesty, I know when I’m being bad, so I usually avoid the scale then. When I do what I’m supposed to, I’m not as obsessed with the scale, I think I’m trying to convince myself I can be bad with all the scale stuff if the numbers are still going down.

Whenever I take a shower (so every couple days, depending). I’ve got all my clothes off, so I know the weight is just me, and not influence by my clothes. Its usually the same time of day (morning), so that’s consistent. I mostly use it for informational purposes, so I know about where I’m at, but the way my clothes fit is the real motivator as far as watching the intake and getting my butt to the gym. But I don’t write anything down, and I’m not the type to freak out by going up 5lbs (which I have, but am attributing to the weightlifting I’ve been doing). The day to day flux doesn’t bother me, either. So..YMMV

Thanks, all! I am trying to put some healthy habits / “failsafes” in place so I don’t creep back up again. There’s a lot of eating for/around my job, so it’s easy to have the bites here and there add up over a year.

I went from 125-150lbs in exactly one year. With my height this is a huge gain. At my starting weight I was going to the gym about 3x’s per week but not really watching my weight. Well now, one year later, none of my work clothes fit and I am just miserable. I have been going to the gym 4-6 times a week since April and using myfitnesspal to track my calories. But the scale has not budged. It is not like I’m gaining muscle b/c my clothes haven’t gotten any looser. Every morning when I get dressed for work I want to cry! I have some nice suits and tops that I can’t wear. I am rotating about 3 pairs of pants and shirts. As far as “fun” clothes .. none of my jeans fit at all. I am going to have to go out and buy a bigger size jean now that the fall is here and my dresses need to go away…

I was weighting myself during the weight gain and trying to control it..without any luck. I do have to add that I started Celexa exactly one year ago. Coincidence? Has anyone else had this experience? I stopped taking it on my own in July (not recommended) b/c my doctor just wanted to put me on something else. Has anyone else gained from Celexa? If so, how long did it take to lose?

I was on Celexa once, years ago, but due to surrounding circumstances I was having problems with losing too much weight at that time. So, I didn’t gain weight, I lost 40 lbs or so.

But, first, talk to your doctor and get your blood work checked, the whole nine yards. Once everything physically is deemed normal, I’d suggest taking a good hard look at your gym routine and your eating habits before giving up the Celexa. Try shaking up your routine… if you are a carb craver that does a lot of cardio, switch it up to heavy weights and try more protein, etc. Give your body a jolt and see what happens! I think, over years of eating whatever I want, the one thing that’s kept my weight somewhat under control is a steady habit of lifting weights. I’ve just recently decided to drop 15 pounds because the pounds have been creeping up on me since I hit my 40s, and I also joined myfitnesspal. With the benefit of the calorie counting, combined with the weight lifting, the pounds are coming off.

Good luck, don’t give up, and remember, in 20 years you’ll likely look back and think “Why was I so hard on myself? I was a hottie!”

Check with your doctor if that may be the cause. If it isn’t, the commonly used figure for weight loss is that (if there is no underlying medical iss.ue) it is 80-90% diet, which I have personally found to be quite true

The book “Thin for Life” tracks people from the National Weight Control Registry who have lost 25 pounds or more and kept it off for 2+ years, and the majority weigh themselves daily, to keep themselves accountable and/or to take action if their weight is X pounds above their maintenance weight.

At the same time, though, a caveat: individuals who weigh themselves daily are more likely to report eating-disordered thoughts. Can’t find the link now, and the study didn’t address whether this was a causal link or mere correlation, but in my personal experience, anyone who’s prone to EDs or weight-obsessive thought patterns may find that daily weighing helps to reinforce already problematic thoughts and behaviors.

I recently signed up for a road race where the “grand dames” category is 140lbs +. EEEeeek. I got one of those weight watchers scales with some Barbri or Lexis points forever ago so I pulled it out and well…I guess I should have signed up for the “grand dames” group instead of my age group. The scale supposedly measures body fat so I am limiting myself to weigh in once a week and I only write down the body fat %.

It’s kinda like looking at my loans. I try not to think about it and then I look every week just once, take note and move on. To be honest though I did tape that Grand Dames thing next to my alarm clock for early morning workout motivation. Don’t get me started though that 140 should be grand dames, but like you, I had no idea what my weight was and it was 20 lbs more than my driver’s license says.

I have no idea what ‘grand dames’ means in road racing (or for that matter, what ‘road racing’ is… jogging? marathons?) But, judging from your post, it seems to be a ‘larger lady’ category for a marathon/race type event… and I have to say that creating a category for weight alone, without considering height, for any sporting event is pretty, well, stupid.

Here is a copy/paste from the website:
AWARDS:
•TOP 5 Male and Female: Overall and Masters division (age 40+) – Overall and Masters winners (male and female) will also each receive a $100 gift card from Runners Plus.
•TOP 5 in Male and Female age groups: 8 and under, 9-11, 12-14 and each 5-year age division from 15-19 to 80 and over.
•TOP 5 in Clydesdale divisions for men: “A” 200-224 lbs.; “B” 225 lbs. and over.
•TOP 5 in the Grande Dames division for women: 140 lbs. and over.
•TOP 5 in the Wheelchair division.

I’m 5’4″, and when I have been working out lots I actually gain enough weight (muscle mass) to qualify as a “Grande Dame”, but in no way would I ever consider myself to be the female equivalent of a “Clydesdale”. No kidding is that stupid. Any healthy female athlete is going to be close to that wieght, at least. Crazy.

These categories are becoming fairly common, and I’ve been convinced that they’re not really that stupid. Speaking in terms of physics, it takes more energy to move 150 lbs 5k (or 10k, or 26.2 miles, or whatever) than it does to move 120 lbs. So a 150 lb athlete who is in the same physical condition as a 120 lb athlete will finish slower– in fact, the 150 lb athlete will finish slower even if she’s in slightly better physical condition. Height doesn’t matter here- the issue is purely one of mass. The Clydesdale and Athena (as I usually see the women’s division called) divisions are a way to recognize the athletic ability of heavier runners. It’s not designed to be a plus-sized or non-competitive division– don’t think of it as a “lesser” category for “fat” runners– it’s designed to be a competitive division for runners whose body type doesn’t permit them to be healthy at, say, 120 lbs. Runners who qualify for these divisions (and frankly, I think 140 lbs is a tad low, but then I’m closer to 240 than 140!) are not usually “forced” into them– in fact, usually they are eligible for the overall awards in addition to the Athena/Clydesdale awards, in the same way that “Masters” runners are generally eligible for overall Male/Female awards, too. I’ve come to think of it as a nice acknowledgement that those skinny-a$$ 120 lb. runners are cheating. ;)

I’m firmly entrenched in the Athena category. At 5’11” (and a half!) the chances of me ever seeing 140 lbs (let alone 150 lbs which is typical cut-off for Athena) is zero. I try to embrace it. Although, I’d actually like a Venus category for those of us 180 and over – even the 150-pounders seem skinny to me!

Have to admit I laughed at the “Thunder Thighs” category for men (just under Clydesdales) in one of our local triathlons. Many of my friends fit into the category but couldn’t bring themselves to admit it and raced as age-groupers!

I weigh myself everyday. I have been trying to lose weight for a few months now and it is slowly coming off. It keeps me accountable and let’s me know when I need to fix something right away, rather than 10 pounds later… I try not to get obsessive about it though, since I do know that weight can fluctuate. I try to make sure that at least every week I am moving down, if it isn’t every day.

I weigh myself at the gym, but only when I go in the morning (since you’re supposed to weigh at the same time of day). That means when I’m exercising a lot, I weight myself a lot, and when I’m not, I don’t. I’m ok with that. I honestly don’t think about it except for the 5 seconds before and after I get off the scale. Even though my weight is a bit of a stress point, I think about it in terms of clothing fit on a more daily basis and just like to have a periodic quantifier.

I have a scale in my bathroom, but always forget to use it in the fog of war that’s my morning routine. By the time it occurs to me to weigh myself, I’m halfway in my commute, or, I’m in the middle of chugging orange juice with my breakfast.

I’m managing to weigh myself only 1x per month or 1x per 2 months when things get really crazy. Weekly weigh-ins would drive me crazy, I’d feel like I was in some prisoner of war camp.

Yes, we have discussed this before. I’m personally excited that my city made the cut, though I heard the Sears that’s in the space Nordstrom’s will take over is vacating by this autumn, so I wonder what they plan to do with the location between now and 2015? I’m hoping they only leave it closed for a few months, or at most a year.

The Nordstrom near where I live took over the spot that had been vacated by a defunct department store years before. It took them lmost 2.5 years to renovate and open.

It was pure torture driving by and seing “opening 2012!” when it was late in 2010. I felt like a kid at Christmas..like it would *never* come.

I wondered once whether they were just doing things in stages because of the economy so building as money freed up or something, but nope, they were going at it hammer and tongs everytime I drove by to be nosy.

Before you all get too excited, personally I much prefer shopping at Nordstrom’s online over the stores (and we have two of them in my area). I find the stores to be snobbish and have only a fraction of the good stuff that you can find online. Yes, the shoe department is great, but I don’t usually spend that kind of money on shoes. At least here, the stores are very much aimed at wealthy, fashionable stay at home moms and ladies who lunch. Lots of fabulous evening wear in a size 0 or 2, not so much professional attire for working women who wear a size 12.

Well….maybe….but if you don’t live in Canada you cannot know the level of annoyance and hair-pulling-out frustration that is Canada Customs. Anything that gets me to a Nordstrom’s without having to deal with customs duties or border delays is a boon.

Plus, when your customer service comparison is, say, The Bay, really, there is no comparison at all and Nordie’s is already way far ahead.

Agreed Nonny. Customer service in Canada is really, really terrible. HR can be decent, but they’re so snobby, I have to drop the L-bomb and be a bit of a b**ch to get good service there, which makes me pretty uncomfortable.

I just really hope Nordstroms starts shipping from within Canada sooner than 2015, because I really do most of my shopping online anyway. I paid express for my last order from Nordstrom and it still took 2 full weeks to arrive. With J.Crew- even though they’re not in my city, their express shipping is actually 2 business days now, which is awesome. Before J.Crew expanded into Canada, their shipping times were around 2 weeks, again, because of Canadian customs.

NYC Ladies, please help me find a dentist! I haven’t been in an embarrassingly long time, and when I called my old dentist to make an appointment, it turned out he no longer takes my insurance. Anywhere in Manhattan would work, though downtown or midtown east would be most convenient.
If it’s not obvious, I am not fond of dentists (hence the long absence), so someone both very good and gentle/understanding would be ideal. Thanks for any leads in advance! I know there have been TJs on this in the past, but look as I might, I couldn’t find them.

I’m obsessed with my dentist, Dr. Karthilde Appolon! She’s a delight — wonderful, patient, kind, funny, etc. And she has super flexible hours (early am, weekends (I went on a recent Saturday morning before hitting the gym)). The office is at 57th and Broadway, so not sure if that’s going to work for you, but just in case…

I recommend Mark Jacobson at Midtown Dental Services, 211 East 43rd Street (212-697-3946). He is expensive to have actual work done (although you may have a better dental plan than I do), but he’s good, gentle, stays up on the latest developments in the field, and offers nitrous and other calming options, which is a big plus for this nervous patient.

George Reskakis at Madison Dental (53rd & Madison). Love love love him, and the hygenists, and the staff. When people move to NYC one of the first things I do is offer them an unsolicited recommendation for him. “Welcome to New York! Do you need a dentist?”

No advice on a dentist, but if you haven’t been for a long time, I would recommend that you tell them that, and ask them to explain everything to you if you need have anything more intense than a cleaning. For me, the amount of time that passed between getting cavities filled was so great that they invented something new to stick in my mouth during the process. I had no idea what it was and immediately burst into tears because I thought I was being suffocated. I have issues. :)

Debbie Lee – in midtown on Madison. Always efficient and on time. Willing to do early appointments. Will not try to sell you cosmetic services without prompting (came across this in other NYC dentists..)

Dr Robert Danti on 54th (?) and 3rd ave is great. I honestly hadn’t been in an embarrassingly long time and he didn’t make me feel guilty about it at all, is very nice, easy to schedule with, and I like his hygienist too.

I know NGDGTCO is often recommended on this site. I read the little quiz in the beginning and my answer was “no” to all of it. Any recommendations for books for girls like me? (i.e., not especially nice). To put it in perspective, if this helps, I got my Myers-Briggs recently and I’m a very clear ENTJ — with all the attendant flaws (brusque, not likely to take emotions into account, impatient with incompetance/inefficiency). These are all flaws I’ve worked on my whole life, and I think I’ve made some progress (nowhere near as bad as I was as a snotty knowitall teen — but I hope we’ve all improved since that age) but I’d be very interested to hear if there are books on how to warm up your personality while still remaining professional, even if these books aren’t geared specifically toward women.

This may explain why I always got along easily with other girls until I went to law school. Now I just feel out of place among many of my peers. –Signed, I—- (I don’t really know what my MB type is).

As others have noted, I’m not sure your personality is a huge liability for you in the corporate world. I would just suggest that you try to leave or create space for others to contribute. Your personality type can be overbearing. :)

ENTJ here too, and also concur that these traits are perceived as mostly good in law. No idea on helpful books for us “not very nice” girls. The only thing that’s worked for me is having my DH point out specific instances in which I could have phrased things nicer for other’s sake. He’s a lot more nice / pc than I am, so he gives me good prespective on these things. Do you have someone like that in your life? maybe a fried or family member you can run ideas by?

Uh, yeah, DH for me, too. I also married a much nicer person. (Which is why I do the family car buying.) He’s good at helping me smooth out some day-to-day interactions, but I’m also looking for some bigger picture suggestions.

I’m ENTJ as well and have apparently missed my calling in law :). DH and I have developed a system where he can call my attention to when I’m being too, ah, straightforward with someone. He used to tell me after the fact, which was embarrassing because I could no longer recover.

Okay, this is not a book designed for or about specific personality types but I found it extremely helpful for understanding and guiding my workplace behavior, interests and goals so I’ll recommend it anyway. It’s “Strengthfinders,”which is a book but also a website where you take a test that determines your five top strengths. You then use the book to understand and develop your individual strengths.

I was given the book as part of a corporate leadership program and am generally very skeptical of this kind of stuff but found it really useful. I learned, for example, that I’m really high in “ideation,” which in a workplace setting means that I enjoy the front-end of projects but find execution a little tedious. That helped my supervisor and I find ways to assign me to groups where I could lead in the beginning and turn over the reins at a later stage.

This may not be exactly what you’re looking for but I’d guess that some of the personality traits you mention will be reflected in your strengths and you may find ways to build upon them.

The whole strengths based paradigm focuses on leveraging your strengths for success vs. improving your weaknesses. Some of us just aren’t naturally warm. When I read Pitch Like a Girl there was a quiz that determined if you were pink or blue as I recall. I was like navy blue. And, you know what? I’m okay with that.

Those aren’t flaws, by the way. They’re just characteristics that contribute to who you are as a person. I also have a very cool (as in not warm, fuzzy) TJ personality. I don’t feel the need to compensate for that. Being polite, professional, and authentic to myself have carried me far in my career.

This. I’ve never seen it as a disadvantage, so maybe you should start there. It’s who you are. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Find roles that suit your strengths. You should still try to work on your weaknesses, but it’s much easier to develop yourself naturally rather than try to fit something else. You’ll be happier and more successful for it.

Meyers Briggs has a professional-focused line of …products, interpretations, advice?.. that you may find helpful. One thing I’ve learned is to keep my mouth shut and pause before I speak. It often gives the other person a chance to catch up, keeps me from walking over them, and prevents me from saying something I’ll regret.

ENTJ here, too. I’m in medicine, though. I prefer to think of myself as “the big sister” rather than the @$$hole. And I feel very at-home in this community–so the rest of you probably aren’t @$$holes, either. ;)

Out of curiosity, for the E/INTJs of the group—what’s your partner’s type?

I’m an INTJ, and I’ve basically had to learn to fake being an extravert, so at least you have that going for you. :)

Seriously, though, I picked a few things that had nothing to do with personality type that I could work on and made a personal development plan as suggested in the book. The three action items I picked were “don’t engage in behaviors that undermine your message”, “speak concisely and directly”, and “define your brand and market yourself”. I listed areas of improvement and steps to improve under each action item, e.g. “speak slowly and at a low/even pitch: steps, pause to reflect before I start speaking, what is my message?”. I did this about 2.5 years ago and it seems to have been effective since I’d say my career has really taken off in the past couple of years. So don’t feel like you have to work on everything and completely change yourself, but there are definitely a few areas where you can improve without feeling like you can’t be yourself at the office.

INTJ too. I am borderline E but still. I do all these things. I have learned to provide actionable criticisms (e.g., instead of “this is written all wrong” I say “please doublecheck the grammar and avoid using passive voice.”) and to use “I” statements (instead of “you should”, use “in this situation, I prefer to”). I still goof up though.

INTJ also, and rather extremely so. The “expected behavior” can be sooooo exhausting. I really put myself out there last week in a multi-day jury trial, in order to present well and hang in there with the opposition [opposing counsel was a very, very competent lawyer with an engaging and attention-commanding personality]. I am still exhausted and would like to shut the blinds, lock the doors, turn off the phone and closet myself away with a stack of books and the dogs. For several days. Alas, reality intrudes….

Good god! I’m INTJ with tendency towards P. I thought we were something like 1% of the population. I recognize myself in other peoples comments, like “too curt”. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that people either really like me or really can’t stand me–very few undecideds. The first impression I make seems to be superstrong. Is it like that for other INTJs too?

I haven’t found anything to read on it but I bet there are plenty of books written for men or non-specific gender in that area. I am similar but I do not remember my MB results. Through trial and error, I force myself to smile, try not to roll my eyes or raise my eyebrows at stupid comments (bangs help initiate this), and I practice all of this at networking events for women in my area (after at least one glass of chardonnay to help me care). I try to go to four things a year and meet at least two new people. For extroverts it’s easy to talk but for thinkers/judgers it is hard to care. I am also always super extra friendly and smilely to the security, cleaning, check in desk staff etc. which tends to go a long way. The efficiency part of me skipped over acknowledgment of these crucial people and it does not go unnoticed by them (something I did not pick up on of course).

This is really helpful and exactly the kinds of things I was looking for. It’s not that I don’t see the benefits to being an ENTJ (believe me, I’m just fine on the self-esteem side). It’s that I know, for example, that I can be overbearing but I have no idea what that means because “overbearing” people just seem…normal to me. I also have trouble caring. I mean, I do care, deeply, when it matters (like it’s a really important thing for someone, or it’s a person who’s close to me) but in general, it’s something I have to focus on.

I’m going to be going to a local accounting firm’s open house in a couple of weeks. This firm is known for being the edgy, young, popular firm (yeah, some of you are probably laughing at the idea of edgy, young, popular, accountants, but go with me). The women I’ve seen in networking events are always dressed conservatively but outside the box– really nicely tailored suits but with amazing shoes and big bib-like necklaces over blouses that look like they are from anthropologie. A rolled up blazer sleeve is not outside the realm of what I’ve seen.

The open house is basically this huge cattle call for entry level positions, where 200+ students meet everyone at the firm and mingle and tour the building (a gorgeous remodeled warehouse). They then pick 10-15 people to interview based on who stands out during the cattle call.

How on earth do I stand out from hundreds of other people? What do I wear? For some reason, wearing 100% traditional stuff seems wrong. I think I would fit in there well personality-wise and have the appropriate education/credentials, so I’m not *that* worried about having things to talk about with the people who work there.

What do you do when a dark suit, silk shell, conservative pumps, and pearls just feel wrong and tone deaf?

IMHO you wear a dark suit, silk shell, fun pumps, and a statement necklace. I’m not talking hooker shoes or hot pink pumps or anything but this would be a situation for a shoe with a plain look (basic 3″ pump) in a fun color/material like purple snakeskin pumps or the like in my opinion.

Get a funky necklace. Or dark red shoes. Don’t overthink it.
I once had an interview where I put on a very conservative black suit and white button down, only to realize that I looked like a maitre d’ – it was too late to change so I decided to tie a pink silk scarf as a belt. Honestly, not a dig on this site, but I probably never would have done this if I had been reading C-rette and all the traditional career resources. But – I looked great and I got the job, perhaps in some small part because it was clear I was comfortable and had personality and confidence. Just be yourself and don’t forget to show your enthusiasm for the position.

based on what you’ve said, I agree with the rec’s to “funk it up” a bit (fun heels/accessories, etc.) — at a place like that, I think you’d feel odd and off your game in something really conservative.
(& totally agree that the process sounds awful — don’t be afraid to listen to yourself if the “popular awesome” employer doesn’t feel right to you when you’re there)

This may be a little late, but bring a fun bag. It can be a classic shape but in a bright color. This is the time to stand out, not blend in. I wouldn’t wear stripper heels with fish in them or anything, but pick classic silhouettes in interesting/bold colors.

I’m hoping to get some smart, quick advice on responding to recruiters. Several recruiters have recently reached out to me with potentially interesting positions. I’m happy where I am and not looking to make a move in the next year. Also, one of these positions is not somewhere I’d like to live. However, I’d like to make a move eventually and have no idea what level position I’d be considered for, the salary/responsibilities, etc., so I view this as an opportunity to get information.

I’d like to get some feedback on how these recruiters see my background and how the employers they represent might value it. If a position seems at all interesting, I generally set up a time to discuss.

Don’t drive! We had a horrific parking experience there (the parking place lost our car keys then told us to stop “bothering” them — um, we’d like to but you have our car keys?). Also, the traffic can be terrible. I highly recommend the econoluxe buses out of Union Station (MegaBus, Bolt, etc.). They’re cheap, comfortable, and you can watch Netflix on your laptop/iPad instead of having to drive.

If you are outdoorsy, try heading down to Shenandoah National Park/Skyline Drive/Blue Ridge parkway. There’s great hiking and scenery and inexpensive hotels off I-64 near the park. There’s also a lodge in the park, but I’m not sure how pricey it is.

There’s also lots of historical stuff – Monticello, Montpelier, Ash Lawn, UVA, some civil war battlefields; also Charlottesville has fun boutiques and good restaurants, and Virginia wine country is in the area as well. (Virginia wine is not exactly the best stuff ever made, but the wineries are beautiful and the drive and atmosphere is nice.)

There are lots of classic children’s books that make great read alouds if you read them a chapter at a time. If the 4 year old can emotionally handle it, Charlotte’s Web is a great read aloud. Roald Dahl’s books are quirky and great for kids. Pippi Longstocking? Little House of the Prairie? Mrs. Piggle Wiggle? Mary Poppins?

For picture books, I like Laura Numeroff’s “If you give….” series (If you give a mouse a cookie, If you give a moose a muffin, etc.). Jan Brett’s books are *beautiful* and contain lots of details you could examine forever. I think the cows in Click, Clack, Moo, Cows that Type are hilarious. There are other books in this series, too.

TBK’s thread got me thinking about personality types and careers. I’m pretty sure that when I took the Myers-Briggs in high school I was an ENFP which might explain why I hate being a litigator but generally get along well with people. Does anyone have thoughts on whether their MBTI type fits well or doesn’t fit well with their chosen career?

Before I started lawyering, I was a solid INTJ. After four years of practice, I’ve morphed into an INTP. It’s not unusual for your circumstances to strengthen or weaken certain traits; apparently, being a lawyer has made me less likely to lead and more likely to opt out of hierarchy entirely. Hooray for orbiting the giant hairball!

Some of your MBTI traits are going to be stronger than others. I was an INTJ years ago, but have moved toward the middle on the I/E and J/P continuums. I am still a strong NT. I work with a group of Fs (in organizational development – it’s F central!), but I still get along well with people. I have learned to adapt to their relentless caretaking (seriously – driving to lunch together involves a whole thing about who sits up front, whether the AC/heater needs to be higher or lower, if the front seats are scooted up far enough, etc.), and they realize that I won’t always think to ask how their great-aunt’s surgery went but I still care about them.

To actually answer your question: I do think some traits lend themselves to certain careers. But I also think workplaces benefits from having personality diversity. Different perspectives open up opportunities for different solutions to problems. We tend to get really focused on visible diversity, but invisible diversity (of strengths, perspectives, proclivities, beliefs, etc.) is more powerful.

I work in an extremely INT workplace (Js and Ps are mixed), and as a result always feel like I’m more to the center on those traits than I actually am. Then I read something like your description of driving to lunch and realize that I am still a very strong NT as well.

I’m an INTP and I think the NT part is definitely helpful in my career in law…not so much the “P.” I often feel called up on to make decisions (i think this will only get ‘worse’ as i advance) that I really would prefer not to make. I like to be in a role where I can brainstorm a lot of options and then present them to someone else, who makes the decision. I tend to really agonize over decisions and it creates a lot of stress for me. Also, I’ve noticed a lot of what I think are “Js” in law, and my first reaction is always to start nitpicking their snap judgments and pointing out other possibilities…something I need to restrain myself from doing. :)

Interestingly, I recently took the test again and encouraged a bunch of my friends and family to take it. I learned that all 5 of my best friends are either INFJ or ENFJ, and so is my husband. I guess I just really like that type? I also learned that my entire immediate family, with the exception of one person, are strong “NTs” while my husbands family are all “NFs” which explains so, so much….As someone else mentioned, hanging out with his family of NFs often involves what seems like endless conversations about who should sit where at the table, whether someone would prefer to take shot gun in the car, whether everyone is feeling comfortable, happy, blah blah blah. Haha. I am always the one who says, “can we just sit down and eat?”

Anyway, i’m rambling, but i love this topic, i find it really fascinating!

I was of two minds when I read this. On the one hand, wowza (as you say). Who brings their sick infant to work on the very first day of class? On the other hand, who signs up for a feminist anthropology class and is bothered by a breastfeeding mom?

I actually think the problem isn’t the breastfeeding but rather the fact that having the child there was a huge distraction to the class. Of course, that doesn’t make an interesting story for the Gossip Column, I mean, the WaPo.

Right? Who signed up for a “feminist anthropology” class and didn’t expect to see some boobage?

It would be one thing if she showed up with the kid and then released the class after 10 minutes. I had professors do that on day 1 without a kid. Just hand out the syllabus, explain that you won’t teach today, and say you’ll stick around after if anyone has questions. Obviously the breast feeding is what offended people, which is kind of dumb. On the other hand, I think it would also be unprofessional for a teacher to show up and start eating their burrito while lecturing, though it wouldn’t be news.

I’m going to respectfully disagree. I dont see what is making us look bad. Although i wouldnt recommend making a habit of this, the only reason it is a big deal is because people are writing stories about it. This would not be a story if she had brought the very same sick baby into class and gave her a bottle instead of a breast.

If it was only the breastfeeding, I’d be completely with you. Would I personally ever consider breastfeeding in front of a classroom full of students (or in front of a conference room full of people), particularly if I was up presenting? Absolutely not. Can I imagine numerous good alternatives for this woman (e.g., leave the TF in charge of the class briefly if the baby absolutely had to be fed right then and have her do a “what do you want to get out of this course?” exercise). Still, if that’s all it was, I’d be sympathetic.

What really bothered me though was the following: “The mother extracted a paper clip from the girl’s mouth at one point and shooed her away from an electrical outlet.”

A paper clip?!?! That is such a serious choking hazard. I think the whole set of facts reflects extremely poorly on her judgment (including the reaction to the student journalists).

I don’t think it makes all women look bad though. My impression at least is that she is such an extreme case that most people wouldn’t extrapolate.

Ugh, I work at a university and we’re all sick now that the college students are back. All I can think is that she’s bringing in baby germs to add to the mix – awful! The thing that irritates me is that the woman is working on a college campus – what job would possibly have an easier time finding back up child care? With a little advance planning she could have had a list of potential students in place to care for her child in her office while she taught her class. Her attitude towards the students who expressed discomfort disappoints me especially coming from a professor.

In all seriousness, the breastfeeding isn’t ideal, but neither is bringing one’s kid to lecture — full stop. But I can’t get worked up about thebreastfeeding itself. Really, I tend to agree that it is pretty rockstar to do a little breastfeeding in a militant medical anthropology course.

NYC ladies, I have one Friday night in Times Square coming up soon. I’m taking a friend to dinner and would like to treat. Ideally would like to keep it under $150 with drinks; open to pretty much any kind of food (not a big seafood person, but do like sushi). Suggestions? I also have to be up early in the morning, so ideally not somewhere i’ll have to wait until 10:30 to eat.

Not in NYC, but I took my two young cousins out to dinner in Midtown and we went to a French restaurant called Maison (1700 Broadway). I thought it was good, very casual, not too expensive. They picked the restaurant and they said that they liked it because Maison served foods they loved when they lived in Switzerland (they grew up there). Just thought I’d mention it.

Are you going out in Times Square? I would try the Lamb’s Club. It’s in a hotel right off of Times Square. Also, you could try Osteria al Doge. If you venture over to 9th Avenue, there are a number of good places in the low-40’s as well.

Times Sq. is a bit of a wasteland for good food. You may have better luck with Hell’s Kitchen area further west on 9th and 10th ave.
I really like Danji when I am in that area. Korean small plates. 346 W 52. Really excellent and different (but good different, not I don’t know what to order different ;)). Good cocktails and very pleasant space. Should be well within budget.

I’m a senior litigation associate at a big NY firm, and I’m 7 weeks pregnant (first time). During the first half of the year, I billed roughly 1700 hours. Things let up slightly in July and August (how I managed to get pregnant), but they are picking up again and it is looking bleak. My to do list is miles long with a million things that will take a ton of time, and most of them aren’t things I can delegate. I don’t want to quit my job, but I don’t know how I can be pregnant and keep up this pace. And my husband just got sent to Asia for work, indefinitely. I feel overwhelmed, and I have no one to talk to, bc we haven’t told work or family about the baby yet (still so early). So, I’m venting here. Please tell me something that will make me feel better. Corp

I’m a senior litigation associate at a big NY firm, and I’m 7 weeks pregnant (first time). During the first half of the year, I billed roughly 1700 hours. Things let up slightly in July and August (how I managed to get pregnant), but they are picking up again and it is looking bleak. My to do list is miles long with a million things that will take a ton of time, and most of them aren’t things I can delegate. I don’t want to quit my job, but I don’t know how I can be pregnant and keep up this pace. And my husband just got sent to Asia for work, indefinitely. I feel overwhelmed, and I have no one to talk to, bc we haven’t told work or family about the baby yet (still so early). So, I’m venting here. Please tell me something that will make me feel better.

While I haven’t been in your exact shoes, I had my first when I was a surgical resident, working 80 hours a week, doing in hospital (busy) overnight call every 3-4 nights. hang in there. The good news is that by the second trimester, you will be feeling better (I didn’t find pregnancy to be the OMG amazing energy burst I hear other women talk about, but second tri is definitely more bearable). Once I told people I was pregnant, I had to delegate a few things, and it was hard, but most people rose to the occasion and actually wanted to help me out.

Having your husband far away is really hard, and I’m sorry about that. If I were you, I’d outsource all possible chores and responsibilities for the time being, so that all you have to do is work and chill. No laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Other tips: are you nauseated? Be aggressive about asking for a prescription for zofran. It works wonders and allowed me to operate when most of the time all I could imagine was lying on my side in bed. Is there anyone you can tell? Maybe not your entire family, but someone who you can trust so you can get a little emotional support?

The long game is a bit trickier, and I’m sure this is raising real questions for you about what you want your life to be like post-kid. I would strongly advise you to take advantage of the maternity benefits I’ve heard Big Law has as you decide what you want your life to look like.

The last thing I’ll say is that many women worry that the stress of this kind of life is harming the fetus, and that’s probably not worth worrying about. When people talk about maternal stress harming fetus they are talking about malnutrition, refuge status, cyclic violence, etc, rather than the emotional and physical stress of the career.

Hang in there. I can’t paint an entirely rosy picture, but things will probably get better in a few weeks as you get through the God-awful first trimester.

Can you tell someone? I know the advice is not to, but if you have a good relationship with your mom or a friend, it might be nice to lean on them a bit. And if they’re really close- delegate some of your home chores- for example ask Mom/BFF to set up a house keeper, meal delivery service, and a weekly in-home massage at a before work time. And if you don’t have someone personal who can do this, NYC has several personal assistant websites who could. And don’t forget your firm’s Employee Assistance Program- I’ve used mine a few times when I’ve been overwhelmed, and it’s been really helpful.

And I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but I’m really happy for you! You’re having a baby, and you have a husband, and you’re obviously good at your job. You can definitely handle this.

+1,000,000 on the last paragraph from Anne Shirley. It’s been 12 years since I was pregnant, and this comment brought tears to my eyes. It’s hard, it’s overwhelming, it’s anxiety producing-x100 given your job-but perfect training to be a mom! Hang in there!

Pls skip if you’re not into baby stuff –
So today is my baby’s third day at daycare (he is one and a half, had a nanny before this) and he was crying so much when I left. I called just now to check in on him and he was crying in the background, almost 7 hours later! I feel so upset. Leaving to go get him early. Any advice from experienced moms? He is very social and friendly, and has a teacher that he likes there. He loves playing there as long as I’m around, but from day 1 to day 3 the crying when I left has just gotten worse.

I don’t know if you’ll read this or not, but I used to work at a preschool. Our kids were a little older, however it took some of them a month or more to stop crying when their parents left them, and some would continue to have bouts of crying throughout the day. While it was hard on those parents and the teachers and of course the children, its a life lesson that has to be learned. It’s a tough transition, so just give it time – 3 days is not long. You can make it easier by not lingering when you drop him off. I’m not sure how much a child understands at 1 and a half, but give some words of assurance and get out the door. Once he realizes that he has to go to this day care and that crying will not get him what he wants, he’ll come around!

It’s so hard to leave your baby, and even harder when he is unhappy. How old is he? Is it possible that he had just started crying again when you called? I have a 6 month old and we are going through major separation anxiety right now. It s nearly impossible to leave when she is crying, even when she is with her favorite lady.

Oops, I just realized that your original post said that he’s 1.5….that is what skimming while nursing will do. Anyway, I haven’t gotten to that phase yet, so I don’t have much advice other than to agree that 3 days is not very long. They say it gets easier, and it does. (For me, it’s not easy but it’s not excruciating.) Good luck!! Transitions are always difficult.

I’m in the same boat—my 18 mo old started daycare about six weeks ago. His teacher says that he cries all day! There is some separation anxiety around this time developmentally, so may not have been the best idea for me to start this now (though, I didn’t have much choice—my nanny has flaked and I have to work).

I am, however, looking into some flex scheduling at work so that he’s not there so long. On the worst days, I tell myself that he’s learning that, even though I go, Mama always comes back.

It’s a hard situation, isn’t it? I wish you and your bubby luck and send you some hugs!

Oh you poor thing! What worked for me when my then 2 yr old started playgroup for a couple hours a day was to hand over, in his sight, a couple of tiny el cheapo cars to the teacher, and saying that he could get them later if he was food, and didn’t cry.

I did this for a week and by then He loved playgroup so much he forgot to cry!

I JUST finished up for the Day and am goeing home! Yay! I cannot beleive I am workeing SO hard and am NOT GETTING ANY HELP!!! FOOEY!

I just finish workeing up my do diliegence outline under the Robenson Packman Act. It is VERY INTENSE and I never took Trade Regulation as a 3L. I was dumb to take legal medicine. But it does Help me a little in my WC CASES. Yay!

It is to late for a meal when i get home so I will just eat a box of Triskets with Soy milk!!!! Yay!!!!