Lance Armstrong can't dodge fact he cheated

So much for the hilarity of Lance Armstrongís appearance in the movie ďDodgeball: A True Underdog Story.Ē

From now on, when I am watching the truly hilarious flick, I will just have to skip past the scene where Armstrong has a short conversation with Vince Vaughnís character, Peter LaFleur. Vaughn is going to leave his team, but Armstrong inspires him to return to the Average Joeís.

Lance Armstrong: Hey, arenít you Peter La Fleur?

Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!

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Armstrong: Yeah, thatís me. But Iím a big fan of yours.

La Fleur: Really?

Armstrong: Yeah, Iíve been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho, ESPN 8. I just canít get enough of it. But, good luck in the tournament. Iím really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or youíre gonna be late.

La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit... Lance.

Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer, all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But Iím sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from thatís keeping you from the finals?

La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.

Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldnít have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. Iím sure this decision wonít haunt you forever.

Of course, we all know there is another decision that will haunt Armstrong forever. Thanks to Oprah, we also know what that decision is. Oh well, letís move on to picking the winners of some high school basketball games. By the way, Will works without performance enhancing drugs.

Boys Basketball

Grosse Pointe South at Madison, Thursday: Iím looking into my crystal ball. The one fashioned from orange, pebbled leather. I see Nick Wallace rebounding. I see Nick Wallace scoring. I see Madison winning.

Clawson at Lincoln, Thursday: This should be a pretty good game. But I see Jared Ocampo dialing long distance more than a hyperactive AT&T employee. I see Marquian Johnson dominating with his athleticism. I see Clawson winning.

Shrine at Kingswood Cranbrook, Friday: Iím assuming Shrine player Stewart Francke is the son of the ultra-talented musician, Stewart Francke. Does dad know the words to ďHail to the Victors?Ē Better warm up, Pops. Shrine wins.

Oak Park at Rochester Adams, Friday: Will knows the Adams Highlanders are having an outstanding season. Will knows they just beat Troy Tuesday night. But I also know that Oak Park is gelling. Oak Park celebrates a road win with J-E-L-L-O.

Ferndale at Rochester, Friday: No offense, Eagles, but you are about to humbled by the Young Gun. Rochesterís James Young, an ultra talented forward, will be playing for the Kentucky Wildcats next year.

Lamphere at Center Line, Friday: Where there is a Will Öthereís a spot in the top row of the bleachers. Iíll be at the game to take a peek at smoothing shooting Jalen Thomas of Lamphere. Unfortunately, Center Line will occupy the top row of the scoreboard. The hometown team wins.

Girls Basketball

Royal Oak at Oak Park, Thursday: I see Sam Bartelotti with a pair of headers for four points. I see Sami Stormont scoring about 18. I see a Ravensí victory.

Berkley at Seaholm, Thursday: Emily Koerner drives to the hoop for two. Emily Koerner stops and pops from 15 feet out for two. Emily Koerner calmly drains two free throws. Do you see a trend here? Emily Koerner leads Berkley to victory.

Ferndale at Lahser, Thursday: The Eagles suffered only their second loss of the season against Notre Dame Prep earlier this week. This will not be their third loss. Michaela Ellis scores 18 and has eight assists to lead Ferndale.

Bishop Foley at Shrine, Thursday: The Venturesí coach Dave Joseph turned 60 on Monday. Unfortunately, that was the night his Bishop Foley team played a home game against three-time defending state champion Waterford Our Lady of the Lakes and lost 50-27. Itís time to eat cake; Bishop Foley beats Shrine.

Center Line at Lamphere, Friday: Two of the three undefeated teams in the MAC Silver meet in Madison Heights Friday, and something has to give (Iím not referring to the top button on Willís pants due to his excessive weight, either.) Shannon Hoobler scores 15, Taylor Kelly also pours in 15, and coach Mike Kobus and his Rams go on to win.

Clawson at Madison, Friday: One of these teams will record its first victory in MAC Silver play. Will is going with Madison. The Eagles are led by Keonta Robinson, who scores 16.