Thursday, July 31, 2008

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: new NYC Vespa campaign.

"Don't Be A Gas-Hole." That's one of the headlines from a series of snipes posters soon to be hanging around NYC advertising the petrol-saving scooters. I added some more gas pun lines. Go read my lameness. Add your own! (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ladies, do these custom bra ads appeal to you?

Ads for a bra-fitting boutique in Toronto feature a nude woman with fake measurement markings (mostly) covering her breasts. They certainly appeal to horndog men—but do they sell the service to women? XXers, go weigh in! (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Radar self-promo ads.

New badly Photoshopped PETA billboard cheers on sharks.

(click image for closer look)Here in the midst of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, PETA presents a billboard they claim they'll be erecting "in cities that see the most shark attacks." That's nice. It's also most likely bullshit, because the billboard media companies know that these cities would immediately demand its removal, and PETA of course already knows this, too (This follows the same pattern as their Zombie Colonel Sanders Super Bowl commercials.). Now if they could convince Corey Feldman or Pamela Anderson or Jenna Jameson to go swimming in shark-infested waters as part of some sort of vegan publicity stunt, well I'd applaud that effort and give it a glowing write-up. related on Animal NY: PETA roasts SD State students; PETA skewers running of the bulls.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Dockside Douchebag.

(click ad to read copy)In its extremely fucking annoying continuing ad series "live who you are," real estate behemoth Corcoran attempts to visualize what it sees as the ideal NYC area property buyers—whether it be the young affluent couple with the adorable three-story baby, or the newly-divorced ibanker father seeking a fuck duplex. Here, it's a smug, polo-shirted born-into-money Lothario who bought a small downtown wine bar and knows a couple of Coldplay songs. (scanned from last week's Corcoran supplement in the New York Times) related: Corcoran's laughably ironic Earth Day ad.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Wacky Chinese BenGay ad.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Link Haze, 7/26/08.

• the absolute best bus shelter poster for a guide dogs service I've ever seen. (link)
• the Penny Pranks vids for OfficeMax are decent. (link)
• Here's an interview with the Dutch students who created the Heineken "Fuck It" videos. Sorry, I still think they were connected to Heineken somehow. (link)
• I PITY THE...(nevermind). (link)
• "Good things come in pink boxes." (link)
• the Tan People will kill us all. (link)
• more Absolut World shittiness: these videos are heinously unwatchable. (link)
• whereas the Drunk History videos are heinously watchable. (link, via)
• a vagina tree with a squirrel on it. (link)
• Inside the ad process using the Stop sign as the assignment. (link)
• architects were charged with the assignment to make Starbucks look less like a place where automatons get their coffee. (link)
• a Vice mini-study of the decline of dorm room art. (link)
• Pitvertising? Yes, Pitvertising. (link)
• Drunken Stepfather blasts Kid Rock, who is very blastable. (link)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Guinness Doggystyle Video.

In this case, it's a stopper pistol.

(click ad for closer look)The copy starts: China holds the current world record of executions with executing 1,010 people of 1,591 confirmed executions worldwide (the language is awkward because this is a translated version of the ad via BBDO in Hungary). Amnesty International has been all over the People's Republic in the year leading up to next month's Olympics—though the organization says they had nothing to do with these wonderfully art-directed award-winning AI Beijing ads. All these examples just go to show how easy (and fun!) it is to combine killing and sports into a tidy little print ad.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Buygone Ad.

Back in the 70s, Roy Steinmetz was an excellent corporate travel agent. The best, even. One year, his boss thought, in lieu of cash, a bottle of cheap whiskey would make a nice Christmas bonus. Roy thought otherwise. (link)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Snickers Insults Hungry People, Portraying Them As Killer Predators.

(click ads for closer look)You may have read/heard about this week's industry kerfuffle in a vacuum caused by advertising's preeminent (to many) critic Bob Garfield in a column singling out recent "homophobic" TV spots, including two for Snickers (Why no mention of Dale Earnhardt's Big Mo' bar, Bob?). Well here, in this set of print ads for super-sized Snickers via Poland, Mars, Inc seems to be saying that extra hungry people are, in essence, no different than ugly, ravenous beasts. So incredibly insensitive. previous Snickers ads: this Halloween ad is one of the best candy ads ever.previous insulting candy bar ads: Swedish Fish ad insults cat lovers; M&Ms ad insults businesspeople; Butterfinger ad insults studious college kids.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: HSBC's creepy window ad.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

HA HA Egypt! Ha?

(click ads for closer look)Regular readers of copyranter know I hate babies, children, and parents. But I certainly would never hurt a child. Or cook a child. So, I'm having a really hard time digesting the supposed humor of these ads for Bayer's Bepanthen first aid cream via ad agency JWT in Cairo, Egypt. The translated headline reads: "Heals their burns and your guilt, fast." O...K. Did these Egyptian Moms just finish reading Swift's A Modest Proposal? related: about.com's stupid pregnancy wordplay; today's lesson: the "C" words; Jake, the 13-year-old alcoholic; and NEVER SHAKE A BABY! update: do these ads alarm or amuse you? Go vote your opinion in an online poll. UPDATE: JWT Worldwide contacted me and said that these ads were not produced by any office of JWT and were not approved by Bayer. They've been removed by AdsOfTheWorld, the source.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: "Legalize Anal."

That's the headline from yet another piece by the fake American Apparel ad artist. It's in response to AA's 'Legalize LA' immigration reform poster that's currently up in several downtown NYC locations. (link)

SEND ME TIPS (please).

The copyranter hatebot generated little tip activity from you freeloaders. As did shoving disturbing photos in your faces. And sharing my freaky John McCain dreams with you. So now I'm BEGGING you: if you come across a bad/funny/great ad/billboard/poster, take a pic or scan it, and send it to me. If you come across one online that's NOT posted on the popular ad sites, send it to me. copyranter(at)hotmail(dot)com. Or, you can leave it here in the comments. I'll reward you by typing 'thank you' and your name in small black letters in the text of the related post.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: fake AA ad artist's tribute to The Joker.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Fake AA ad artist interacts with fake HBO ad.

(click image for closer look)In previous posters placed next to other ads, the fake American Apparel ad prankster has 1) posited that iPod Girl is shiny and sheer under her skirt, and 2) told Hollywood and E where to stick it. Now, the artist graphically answers a vulgar ad for Tru Blood, a fake beverage hatched by HBO to help create buzz for its upcoming Fall vampire series True Blood. After severalgraphicdepictions of the female nether region, this is the first penis we've seen. As usual, the artist uses a headline from a real American Apparel ad, though if I may be critical of this genius's work for a sec, "Swim" doesn't really work that well with this hardening schlong artwork. Either "Hiking" or "Hello" would've been better choices. Just sayin'. Also, Don Cheadle doesn't look pleased.(snapped on Kenmare St. by the curiously always on the spot stereo hell)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Nike's ode to Nike.

Kenneth Cole has brief, bad sex with Houston St.

(click image for closer look)Is that a pun in your briefs ad Kenneth, or are you just crappy to see me? I'll keep this brief: It's the latest fashion copywriting from the...absolute...worst...ad...punster...ever. Ever! (snapped on Houston St.)

(click ad) Sex and car advertising have of course been diddling each other for decades. Here though, via BBDO Greece, is a particularly shamelessly sexist ad (quite young, isn't she?) for pre-soiled BMWs that goes 0 to 69 in one second flat. Speaking of 69... related: car dealership ads are a gift from Satan.

Law firm's diversity ad recipe calls for lots of Whitey Spice.

(click ad for closer look at the diversity)Or cocaine. DLA Piper, global law firm employment home of former Senator George Mitchell, sports the ultra-generic tagline "Everything Matters." OK, DLA—then that must include your awful forced metaphor diversity ad. Copy begins: "With 3,700 lawyers in 25 countries, we've got a lot of talent. But that doesn't mean we're all using the same spice." I seriously hope that the person who wrote this ad isn't involved in any way in the crafting of your legal briefs. At least DLA abstained from using the badanimalmetaphors that roam wild in law advertising. (image via MultiCultClassics)

Subterranean Slicers Splice Step Brothers.

(click image for closer look)Except for a sort of anti-Iraq War statement, NYC's under-employed subway poster remixers, for the most part, have resorted to fart jokes, penis jokes, and crap jokes. But here we get some Science! Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly already do look quite a bit alike. The absolutely retarded-looking Step Brothers opens everywhere July 25th. (image via Poster Boy NYC)

Setting Free The Bears.

(click ad for closer look)It's the final indicator signally that we've officially entered a down market—badly Photoshopped bears have started showing up in investment advertising. Here, Swiss broker MIG Investments gleefully throws in a sleuth of starving bears looking for some low-hanging, overly-aggressive yummy investor meat. Gone for the foreseeable future from the ad pages of your finance mags are lions and horses and rhinos and giant apes. Look for lots of bears. Maybe a dead bull or two. Brokerages should probably consult their lawyers for proper bear ad usage.(scanned from the latest Equities magazine)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: PETA skewers "manly" ritual.

Trojan slips piggish, sloppy cum shot into ad in Fitness magazine.

(click images for closer look)Only pigs pull out and cum on a woman's back (not as bad as a soaking facial though). (L) Trojan ad in the current issue of Fitness magazine. (R) Detail of background scene from this cutesy very-Photoshopped beach execution. Hmm. It's worth noting that some in the sex ed field say that the withdrawal method is actually more effective at preventing unwanted pregnancies than a condom. However, if like this pig, you're extra virile, you just might smear the Sudoku puzzle you drew on your partner's back. Of course, all of this is moot to the Viva Viagra Whiskey Dicks. related: photos of the wacky Sex Machines from the 2006 NYC Museum of Sex exhibit; American Apparel ad model simulates(?) masturbation. (thanks to Hank Mitchell for the images)

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: maybe the worst ad ever.

Ketel One's current ad campaign is the worst in the history of alcohol advertising (type "Ketel One" in my search window if you want to see a sampling). And this particular advert is the worst of the worst. (link)

Duncan Quinn: The NoLita Strangler.

(click ad for closer look)Ad for Duncan Quinn, seller of handmade ready-to-wear and bespoke men's suits: "Savile Row meets Rock 'n Roll." His flagship store is in "louche" NoLita NYC, A second West Hollywood location opened in 2006. Trolling through his Website (that's not him in the ad, btw), his styles are quite preciously dandy. But I'm not feeling the "Rock 'n Roll" Duncan, other than the inclusion of young bearded and tattooed gents on your landing page Flash gallery. But that's what ads are for! And what's more Rock 'n Roll than strangling a blindfolded babe with a foppish tie? Edgy. Jimmy Choo beat you to the snuff vibe though, dude. Anyway, this unimaginative combo of dandy and randy is predictably popular in high-end men's fashion ads. It's simply the best way to attract the mookish misogynistic male with lots of disposable income demographic. Duncan, btw, is a qualified barrister and New York Attorney-at-Law. Which explains this advert: if there's one thing lawyers don't know how to do, it's advertise. We've seen it again and again and again and again. Duncan baby, you want some high-minded, thoughtful creative ads, you just write me, sweetheart. (scanned from the July/August City magazine) update: go to a PollsBoutiquepoll to vote for this ad as misogynistic.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Genital Mutilation Awareness Advertising Hits Women Where It Hurts.

(click image for closer look)Advertising gets intrusiver-er. Puking drunk chicks in your public bathrooms. Hungry African children in your shopping carts. Now: trying on a bathing suit at a department store isn't traumatic enough for women—let's stick a rusty razor blade in those bikini bottoms! Via Contrapunto BBDO in Barcelona, these special in-store hygienic protectors are for the Association of Women Against Genital Mutilation (AMAM). What about mental mutilation? Even the usually subtle-as-an-ax Amnesty International displayed some restraint on this issue with these sewn-up LadyFlower ads. But, I'm not a woman. Maybe this isn't overstepping the line? Ladies, what do you think?

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: an ad printed on banana leaf.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Link Haze, 7/03/08.

• the fake American Apparel ad artist (or a copycat) tags AA in-store signage. As stereo hell, suggests—check the security camera tapes! (link)• How to trap a man? Wires and padding. (link)• Zappos "hires" robots to "man" inventory floor. Soon, Zappos managers will start disappearing. (link)• Kanye West's lame viral campaign for Absolut. In An Absolut World, everybody sells out. (link)• The Social Media yellow card. I would be shown a red card and receive a lifetime suspension. (link)• Presidential candidate logo comparison. (link)•Speaking of logos, Walmart's now has a big asterisk after it. (link)• Eat Shit And Live. (link)• Sprint takes laziness to a lazier level. They're asking consumers to create their own summer family YouTube videos complete with product placement. (link)• Does this Rembrandt spot feature the best on-screen kiss ever? (link)• 90-day supply of Lipitor for 10 bucks? Let's gorge on cake! (link)• Animal has been The Shit this week: cool Dark Knight poster (link), Ray-Ban's (SO COOL) pathetic stunt (link), and NYC will be using...Mimes in a new abstinence ad campaign (link).• Pretty smart use of an auto carrier as an ad medium. (link)• On the other end of the ad medium spectrum is baggage claimvertising. (link)• I give People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals a lot of shit, but for some reason I agree with them here. (link)