Brad Pitt must really want Moneyball, and his performance, to have a chance at Oscar. Because he is opening his mouth for Moneyball, wider than he has in a long, long time. And what’s coming out of it? Well, sh-t for Jennifer Aniston and love gush for Angelina Jolie.

OMG.

Come on. We LIVE for this. Ready?

It’s a new interview with Parade Magazine. Parade Magazine is safe. Parade Magazine doesn’t push or probe. They basically throw softballs and sit there and hold the tape recorder. But Brad decided to offer up the smut anyway:“I spent the ‘90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony. I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage [to actress Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t."

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right?

You just bugged your eyes didn’t you?

He just said his life with her wasn’t interesting. He just said that his marriage was a fraud. In other words, Jennifer Aniston wasn’t interesting. And being married to her felt like a fraud.

Sh-t. That is SH-T TALK.

And there’s more. Because he also provided us with the comparison, just to make sure we understand how bad it was before and how awesome it is now:"I put much more emphasis on being a satisfied man. I’m satisfied with making true choices and finding the woman I love, Angie, and building a family that I love so much. A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss. … That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all. One of the greatest, smartest things I ever did was give my kids Angie as their mom. She is such a great mom. Oh, man, I’m so happy to have her. I mean, how many stories have you read that aren’t true, stories about me and Angie being married or fighting or splitting up? And when we don’t split up, there’s a whole new round that we’ve made up and we’re back together again! We’ll get married when everyone can. We’re not splitting up. And we don’t have a seventh child yet."

You know what he just did, right?

Oh hi, MiniVan. I’m Brad. I used to be sad. But now I am not sad. My children have completed me. And finding their mother completes me. And family completes me. And won’t you go see my movie?

Admit it. Those of you who have kids out there, you just melted a little.

What’s the b-side to those comments?

I was unhappy before because I didn’t have children. And I didn’t have children because Jennifer Aniston wouldn’t give me any.

Goddamn Brad Pitt. GODDAMN!

Brangelunatics of course are defending his comments. Obviously when two people divorce it’s because they’re unhappy. So why isn’t he allowed to concede that he was unhappy? It’s the truth. It’s the OBVIOUS truth. Sure. But he laced that obvious truth with some clues to the real truth. Or what he wants us to think was the real truth. And this is what his critics will point to as an example of low classy behaviour - why kick your ex-wife while you’re selling your movie and campaigning for an Oscar?

Offside or game on?

Either way it’s Good for Gossip. Great for Gossip. The Neverending Triangle will always be Great for Gossip.

Brad also covers the newest issue of Ew.com. More quotes about Angelina. More jerking off about their relationship. Here’s what I think is the most interesting quote to come out of that article though:

“I (was) miserable on the set of Interview With The Vampire. Six months in the f—ing dark. Contact lenses, makeup, I’m playing the bitch role…One day, it broke me… I called David Geffen, who was a producer… I said, ‘David, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it. How much will it take to get me out?’ And he goes, very calmly, ‘Forty million dollars.’”

How conveniently candid. How much more of this can we expect? All the way to the Kodak? We might be in for the best awards season in a long time.