Correction methods may leave their mark

The office is a dangerous place. Figures on workplace injuries from the
Department of Trade and Industry reveal that 91 employees were injured by
typing correction fluid last year.

Some 37 people managed to hurt themselves with a calculator, 18 members of
staff had a close brush with a hole puncher resulting in injury and more than
400 were the worse for wear after a tussle with a rubber band.

But office files and staplers are the single biggest hazards, lying in wait
to spring their trap on 2,700 and 1,300 unwary employees respectively.

Guru was laughing so heartily at the findings that he nearly choked on the pen
top that he had been chewing.

Spoil the child, make the boss

Guru was dismayed when his lecture tour to Bermuda was cancelled at the last
minute. Of course the filing cabinet was duly upturned, stationary hurled, feet
were stamped and toys thrown well and truly out of the pram.

This may seem the rather childish response of a spoilt brat, but perhaps it
was further evidence of why Guru has reached his career pinnacle.

Research by an Italian psychologist reveals that 62 per cent of 300
successful company managers were spoilt by their parents during childhood.
"Spoilt children are more confident about them-selves. They grow up with
the idea that they can always ask for more from people."

Guru fully agrees and so does mummy!

Queue here for a lucrative job

Patience could become a lucrative virtue for the unemployed.

New agency, Q4U, is specifically recruiting the long- term unemployed to
become professional queuers for clients prepared to pay up to £20 an hour for
the service.

Q4U currently has 80 queuers on its books but is confident it will have
2,500 within 12 months.

"It’s a job that doesn’t require a lot of skill or experience, all you
need is plenty of patience," said Patrick Young, a director of 15 Minutes,
the company that has established the service.

"Our queuers either wait in line, then ring the business or individual
when it’s their turn, or carry out the transaction on their behalf. It could be
for travel documents, tickets, housing transactions, auctions or anything where
people have to wait."

The agency’s launch comes after TV presenter John Fashanu paid a tramp £300
to help him acquire a £1m Kensington pad.

While our employment service is not always the most efficient, Guru hopes it
is preparing people for a little more in the way of an enriching career.

Time for a little home diplomacy?

Guru understands the difficulties of time management. Invent a new
competency-based model, or watch a bit of daytime telly? It’s always a
difficult choice.

Tony Blair’s time is being spread thin. While he is flying around the world
attempting to conquer global terrorism, poor old Sedgefield – his constituency
– is suffering. The top 40 employment black spots in the UK are monitored by
researchers at Glasgow Council. Overall Labour has helped unemployment fall by
1.6 per cent in the three years to July. But it has noticeably increased in two
areas: Dundee and Sedgefield.

With local employers such as Fujitsu, Electrolux and Rothmans making
cutbacks, maybe the PM needs to develop a lasting coalition to tackle the local
job losses.