9/20/12

Today we present a challenge to the Phil Are GO! Joke-Getting Assault Squad (JGAS), our hand-picked group of the most charitable and sympathetic staffers. Their task? To figure out why these are comics. It sounds easy, but nothing could be harder or less funny. Do you think you understand why these comics are comical? See if you can Spot The Joke! The JGAS's analysis is posted after each "uncomic".

Theory #1 - The guest is very excited to meet the wife of the tired man with repetitive stress injury. Surely she must be a handful in bed. This is funny.

Theory #2 - Having let his membership in the Antelope Lodge lapse, the older gentleman has forgotten the secret handshake, resulting in Wrist Failure after attempting the handshake with the younger man. He is angry with himself that his prospective son-in-law is both a member and an expert Antelope handshaker. This makes apparent the balding man's mortality. This is funny.

Theory #3 - A young man with a cocaine habit is meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. He is hoping they can "score him some good shit", when they actually cannot. They will see him as a threat to their daughter's future, and will have him murdered, and his organs sold overseas. The proceeds will be used to fund the father's meth habit. This is funny.

Theory #4 - Ted Key is not funny. This is funny.

Theory #5 comes to us from long-time theorizer Sue. Thanks for the data, Sue! - When meeting the new neighbors, make sure the lady of the house receives a vigorous, enthusiastic hand shake so your wife can go in for the copping of the feel.Theory #6 was posited by MisterFancyHotBalls 2. Thanks, MisterFancyHotBalls 2! - New NBC pilot: Pee-Wee Herman's older "Life Partner" realizes the onset of his Parkinson's just as Pee-Wee greets the 2 Broke Lesbian B's from across the hall in Apt. 2B.

(Joey from "Friends" also stars - not pictured)

This would NOT be funny.

Theory #1 - The passenger has convinced the driver that the windshield is dirty, so he navigates by poking his head out the side window. In reality, the passenger simply has his hat pulled down over his eyes. The driver does not know this, and is risking decapitation or a pulled trapezius muscle for nothing. This is funny.

Theory #2 - The driver has obviously missed the fact that the passenger has already bumped his head on the roof of the vehicle, making it clear that he never pays attention to his partner. This has been a frustrating theme for the couple in their relationship, and the driver will sleep on the couch again tonight. This is funny.

Theory #3 - Underfunded cities that cannot afford to maintain the roads also find it difficult to repair the leaf springs on their mail delivery trucks, due to budget constraints and a dwindling tax base. Law enforcement and public assistance take precedence over infrastructure spending. This is funny.

Theory #4 - Some vehicles in 1949 still required a crank to start the motor, and each postal route was handled by two letter carriers. This is funny.

[Commenter theories will be published in this peer-reviewed journal. -Mgmt.]