Perry's energy plan is a Big Oil wet dream

This is not a surprise or anything, but Rick Perry unveiled what we'll charitably call an "energy plan," and it's printed on oil-soaked paper with oil-based ink.

Perry's plan, in short:

Drill everywhere. The Gulf of Mexico, the Outer Continental Shelves, ANWR, offshore Alaska, the Rocky Mountains. EV. ERY. WHERE. Sure, mutilating the earth to get at an unrenewable resource is a fundamentally unsustainable plan, but we really only have to keep it going until Rick Perry dies, right? Who cares what happens after that?

Gulf of Mexico deepwater drilling permits for everyone! There is literally no way that could go wrong.

Gut the EPA's ability to regulate air pollution, carbon, and other greenhouse gases, then dramatically overhaul the entire organization, cut its budget by 60 percent, and turn it into a figurehead. What? They deserve it! EPA is a total buzzkill when all you're trying to do is take a relaxing and lucrative petroleum bath.

Keystone XL, obvs.

So, yeah, this is great. We liked him better when he was focused on getting these goats for our computer industry.