Thursday 5 June 2014 18.10 EDT
First published on Thursday 5 June 2014 18.10 EDT

Nowt to do with Pulp, but an excruciatingly twee community project, set on Tooting Commons in London, yet so bereft of recognisable human behaviour it could be unfolding in the furthest reaches of the Andromeda galaxy. An am-dram scoutmaster finds ways to distract his precocious charges from retrieving spent condoms; two old timers lend their voices to bum-sniffing dogs ("Ruvvery: that's lovely in dog"); its clumsy Big Society cheerleading peaks with the torturous immigration metaphor sparked by an escaped parakeet. It wears its heart as a toddler does ice cream on a hot day: on its sleeve, down its front and all over its trousers.