When nighttime snacker Shanaya Edgell visited a Wisconsin McDonald's at 3 AM in search of a cheeseburger, they told her she couldn't have her cheeseburger because it was breakfast menu time, come back later for cheeseburgers, sorry!!! For Edgell, this was totally unacceptable.

The 22-year-old cheeseburger seeker didn't want any goddamn Egg McMuffin or McPancake bullshit—she wanted a simple hamburger with cheese on it, nothing special, served hot and immediately. According to a criminal complaint obtained by The Smoking Gun, she became furious—but instead of attacking the McObstructionists, she allegedly displaced her aggression onto her 40-year-old boyfriend Darrell Page by biting him on the arm "and tearing off his shirt."

Page and Edgell left the McDonald's and headed down the highway, with Page behind the wheel. They didn't get too far before Edgell suddenly changed her mind and ordered Page to go back so she could get the goddamn breakfast. (Women!) All the while, she continued hitting and biting Page as though he were the McDonald's employee who had denied her that cheeseburger. He was just an innocent bystander! Ostensibly to avoid having an accident, he pulled over to the side of the road. When police showed up on the scene, Edgell was allegedly standing on the hood of the car and "screaming about McDonald's." The cops arrested her for disorderly conduct with a domestic enhancer and took her to jail, where she's sharing a cell with some hamburglars and some regular burglars.