Dr. Patti Taylor

Kim Switnicki

In Part One of this interview, hear Dr. Patti talk to Kim Switnicki, an expert in promoting pleasure between men and women. Find out how to get started in expanding your lovemaking and intercourse repertoire. What are some new positions you might try? How can you get your lover interested in exploring? What are the accessories that help your experiments be comfortable for both of you? You will be inspired to try self-loving, manual, and kissing as well as many intercourse positions in this juicy, sexy show!

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Transcript

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking Show. This is Part One of a two-part show. I am your host, Dr. Patti Taylor of expandedlovemaking.com. I teach you how to give way more pleasure than you ever dreamed possible.

Today on the show we are talking about sexy positions for sexy situations. This show is all about making love in fun, new ways. Not only can it be such a turn-on for people in both old and new relationships, and you can get hot, juicy things happening in a variety of ways.

Kim Switnicki: A lot of people are very familiar with the missionary position which is man on top of woman. That is pretty standard in a heterosexual relationship. That is kind of how it goes.

As far as getting started, I would really encourage people just to think a little bit outside of the box, ideally to know that you have really solid muscle tone. You want to feel a pulling up sensation so if you insert your finger and you squeeze, if your pubic muscle is in really great shape it feels kind of like an elevator lifting your finger up towards your bellybutton.

Anything that you are doing to focus attention in the pelvic region and bring blood flow to the area et cetera is going to keep the general health better, and it keeps the energy moving so it will never hurt and there are lots of benefits to it as well. Apply the blindfold to yourself and then pop atop your man. You will be amazed if you sit on top of him without the mask, and then you put a blindfold on. I virtually guarantee you are going to notice a difference in how you feel and how you behave.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wonderful. Let me tell you listeners a little bit about Kim. Kim is the Founder and CEO of Lioness for Lovers. She is a professional speaker, a sex educator and an internationally accredited coach specializing in women's relationships, sensuality and sexuality.

She is the author of "The G-Spot Play Guide", 28 days to G-spot heaven and the free E-book, "Unleash Your Inner Lioness". She works with clients across North America both individually and in groups.

I think our listeners will learn a lot from this show. We will look at all sorts of positions that make a difference for men and women in their quest to have more and more pleasurable orgasmic lovemaking connections.

Let us get started. Kim, what kind of person wants to try new sex positions?

Kim Switnicki: Well, it is really somebody who is looking to spice things up and try something new, and variety truly is the spice of even your love life. It is really lovely when you have a connection with somebody and you know what works. Often, in relationships people can get into a bit of a lovemaking rut when they know that, "OK, if I touch him or her here and then we do this and then naturally we're going to go there and that is going to work". You may even still both achieve orgasm, but it can get a bit repetitive for some people. Even though it works, it is really nice to add a little bit of spice to things.

Imagine how you would feel if you could break out of your shell a little bit and get a little bit more adventurous and get a little more connected to the sex goddess or god that you have been in your dreams. I call that unleashing your inner lioness and really look at how to really connect to that part of you that wants to try something different and something new. I think that most people are a little bit adventurous in their lives.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, I think so, too, and maybe just getting some information on what is new to try is a really great thing which is one reason why you are here today. What do you need to get started?

Kim Switnicki: Well, it is interesting. I have noticed that in the years I have been speaking to women and couples nobody has ever said to me so far that the missionary position was their favorite. A lot of people are very familiar with the missionary position which is man on top of woman, and that is pretty standard in a heterosexual relationship. That is kind of how it goes.

As far as getting started, I would really encourage people just to think a little bit outside of the box and think about your lifestyle. Are you an adventurous person? Are you shy? Are you a risk taker? Maybe, you like to rock climb or maybe you like to race cars or jump out of planes or something. Do you like exploring? Are you more conventional and casual? Maybe, you have a really relaxed lifestyle. You may want to think about positions or adding, incorporating that relaxed atmosphere into your lovemaking.

If you are into romance and soft, pretty things that is something you may want to bring into the bedroom as well. Often, people will keep that separate. They have their lovemaking and then their life. If you incorporate that and really think about what do you like to do in your life that really brings you joy and then see how you could brainstorm and get creative even with your partner. If there are things that you like to do together, maybe if you are an outdoor, risk taker and you go out rock climbing, for example, you may even want to just consider making love outdoors or doing something that incorporates that into your life.

If you are into relaxing and a casual, romantic sort of atmosphere, then adding something like candles or soft music and mood lighting and maybe making love in front of a fireplace on a lovely bear skin rug or something, that may be something that you want to look at doing.

I think things like some really basic things as far as getting started, also, like for both men and women strengthening the PC muscle. I am sure you have had other guests that have spoken about the pelvic floor muscles and the PC muscle on your show, and it really can increase both men's and women's pleasure using those muscles and learning how to do kegel exercises properly and incorporating breathing which I know that you do as well. Just those sorts of basic things can really change even the positions and the lovemaking that you are having now.

Dr. Patti Taylor: How would a woman strengthen her PC muscle, because my listeners are all brilliant? They love to be reminded of that.

Kim Switnicki: Yes. With the PC muscle the things is most women are familiar with kegel exercises. They have heard of them. Perhaps, they do them or did them while they were pregnant or afterward. Essentially, one way that I like to really recommend to women to test to really make sure they are doing them properly is to lubricate a finger with saliva or some good lubricant, gently insert it into your vagina and squeeze your vagina which you are activating the pelvic floor muscles.

What you want to notice is if you want to test the tone of your PC muscle to see what kind of shape it is in. If you insert that finger and you squeeze and hardly feel anything and you want to make sure it is a quiet space, a quiet few moments; if you hardly feel anything that is probably meaning that you need to improve the tone.

If you feel just a little bit of a grab, just a slight grab of your finger you are in OK shape. It just means that you need to improve it more. Ideally, to know that you have really solid muscle tone you want to feel a pulling up sensation. So if you insert your finger and you squeeze, if your PC muscle is in really great shape it feels kind of like an elevator lifting your finger up towards your bellybutton.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow. I can see why a man would like to have a woman with good PC muscles, but how do you do the exercises? I mean, I guess a woman feels more, too, so it is a win-win situation.

Kim Switnicki: Absolutely. Absolutely. And it will because you are improving those muscles orgasm is a series of muscle contractions so it will ultimately improve the depth of your orgasm. It will make the orgasm feel stronger for you as well.

What you want to do is you can use benoit balls which are little three quarter inch gold plated metal balls that are quite heavy and you insert them vaginally. The thing that I find brilliant about those is they really target that muscle specifically. Often, when women are doing their kegel exercises they tighten up their tummies and their thighs and their butts and everything, and that doesn't really help. They want to just target that one specific muscle.

You can help to isolate that muscle when you urinate, and please, please, please do not do this exercise while you urinate regularly although lots of doctors suggest that to women. You just want to try it when you are urinating; try to stop the flow of urine. That just helps you figure out where the muscle is. You don't want to do it on a regular basis at all. You stop the flow of urine, and that little group of muscles that you are stopping is the PC muscle, that is the pubococcygeal muscle. It is helping you keep all of your organs in and helping you improve your lovemaking strength and your orgasm strength.

Once you know where that muscle is then you practice squeezing that, so tightening that muscle up for about four seconds and then relaxing it. One of the keys is to relax it for as long as you tighten and hold. You can also tighten really quick and relax, tighten and relax, tighten and relax and then you can tighten for four seconds. You want to build up to about 10 seconds and then relax for the same amount of time because just having a tight PC muscle can actually lead to other problems.

You want to have tone so you want to really exercise it. If any of you are familiar with regular exercising or resistance training you don't just flex your muscle and then relax for a second and keep flexing. You have a balance of flexing and relaxing, and you have breaks in between sets. If you want to do your kegel exercises, tighten and hold and then relax and do that for about 10 times in a row.

If you maybe do about 15, that is a set and you want to do about four sets of those a day and eventually build up to 10 seconds of tightening, 10 seconds relaxing. Do it 15 times; do that four times a day. Man, you do that for a few weeks I guarantee when you insert your finger into your vagina you are going to notice a difference, and your partner will notice a difference as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow. That is great and specific advice so I love that. Another thing I love about it is a woman can do that anywhere. I was just doing them while I was listening to you. You can do them in the car at the stop sign. How about for men? Is it the same basic advice?

Kim Switnicki: It is the same advice. They obviously don't have a vagina to insert their finger into, but they can see and feel the same thing. Their penis may be moving as well when they are doing that, but it is the same sort of muscle when they urinate as well.
They stop the flow of urine. They are going to feel that so they can do the exact same thing. Theirs may be a bit stronger so they may be able to build up to that 10 seconds a lot quicker than women can.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right. And that will actually help them feel more pleasure. Is that correct?

Kim Switnicki: Yes. And it will help them actually. I believe it is helpful. I am not an expert in this, but I believe it is helpful for the prostate as well. Anything that you are doing to focus attention in the pelvic region and bring blood flow to the area et cetera is going to just keep the general health better and it keeps the energy moving. It will never hurt, and there are lots of benefits to it as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK. Great. Well, we are going to take a quick break so please stay with us. This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and I am with Kim Switnicki. We will be right back. You can learn more about Kim at lionessforlovers.com, so please stay with us.

Announcer: Listen to Sex, Love and Intimacy, a podcast providing weekly audio workshops for your pleasure and connection on personallifemedia.com.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We are back and I am Dr. Patti Taylor. We are talking to Kim Switnicki about sexy positions for sexy situations.

Well, we have gotten everyone started and primed. Let us talk about some positions for intercourse. If a woman is having trouble reaching intercourse, are there some positions that can help her out?

Kim Switnicki: Absolutely. Absolutely. It is one of those things where women can really start to have a lot of fun, I think, in being on top. It is one of those positions that when a woman is on top it can really start to unleash some things and she can really begin to release some of her inhibitions that she may have been carrying with her and most of us have grown up with. We get beliefs and we get images and impressions of good girls and how good girls should be, and that's a whole other conversation.

The one thing I encourage women to do that are a little bit uncomfortable about being in that on top position and sitting on top of their male partner is if you are uncomfortable or if you are unsure you can perhaps turn a light out or you can use a blindfold. It is amazing and continues to amaze me that for both men and women if you add something as simple as a blindfold it can open up whole new areas of lovemaking for you.

You can buy a nice, sexy black satin mask or something that really is evocative of romance and sensuality, or you can simply use a tie or a scarf or something like that. You can not only apply the blindfold to yourself and then pop atop your man. You will be amazed if you sit on top of him without the mask, and then you put a blindfold on I virtually guarantee you are going to notice a difference in how you feel and how you behave.

Another option, you can even put the blindfold on the partner because then he can't see you, and most men being very visual are very much into watching their partners. So if you blindfold your partner and he can't see you, you may start to behave differently as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow. Those are really fun suggestions. I love those. Well, let's just keep going. I have got to collect positions here today. I feel greedy. These are great ideas.

What are some other things to do? What if you have a medical condition, maybe, or an injury because I am sure lots of people do? What would you suggest for them in terms of alternatives to the missionary?

Kim Switnicki: Well, one thing that you can do - and are you OK if I just back step a little bit for variations on the woman on top?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Absolutely.

Kim Switnicki: OK because there are just a few little fun things in there. It is when you are on top you can have fun with, especially women; it is just so lovely with your hair, moving your hair all up and down your partner or even just that wild tossing your hair about, rubbing your hands in your hair. You can also practice gyrating and moving your hips around, arching your back and turning yourself around. It is known also as the reverse cowgirl so not only facing your partner when you are sitting on top but turning around.

Even if you are having some medical issues if you can't be laying on your back and there are some many different medical issues, of course. You may find experimenting with sitting on top also can be helpful if you have particular discomfort. Maybe, sitting is good for you but standing isn't or laying down isn't - and practice. You don't have to face him. You can face his toes. You can face his side. You can have a leg in front of you or a leg behind you, the legs over the side if you are very athletic.

I really encourage you to just think outside the box a little. There is no rule that says you have to be sitting on top with your legs on either side of his hips, and that is the only way, the proper way to be sitting on top. Really get a little bit more creative that way. You can sit on top of him while he is in a chair and again if the male partner has difficulties perhaps with arthritis or a bad knee.

A lot of positions put a lot of strain on the male body because the male being the stronger. Unfortunately, I am sorry for people who are feminists, but men generally are stronger than women. If he is laying on top of you, there is a lot more pressure put on his shoulders and on his knees, and they have to carry a lot of weight and really do a lot of the work in that missionary position. If perhaps you allow him the absolute luxury of sitting in a chair or sitting on the edge of the bed or leaning back against the couch, getting really comfortable. Again, you can sit on his lap facing forward, facing sideways, facing away from him, whichever way is comfortable or even more than one way. Let him sit there and be comfortable as well.

For women even on the couch, again, if you have discomfort and you need to spend time on a couch you can lay back on a couch differently than on a bed because if you are on the couch you perhaps may have your head up on the armrest and you can lift a leg up perhaps on the back of the couch.

If you like positions where your legs are up or open or you have them on his shoulders and you really don't have the muscle strength or the ability to do that comfortably. If you are on a couch you can swing your leg up, relax it on the top of the couch, have your other one maybe down on the floor, you are wide open for your partner. Then, he has all kinds of access and can really deepen that experience, and you can have deeper penetration that way as well.

You can have your arms all with pillows all around you. Pillows are wonderful for lovemaking, and certainly if you are out of shape or if you are arthritic or you have some medical condition, get pillows, get comfy under your neck, your back, your arms, whatever is going to work for you because there are no rules. That is the beauty of it. If you start to move into some of these positions, grab yourself some pillows and a couch and see what you can do.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I am glad you brought that up about pillows. I used to tell all of my clients to have at least 10 pillows, you know, as a requirement for working with me because they are the tools of the trade. I say I used to because my pillow collection has grown so now I think I have 12, and that is normal size pillows. But, there are smaller squares half the size of pillows, and then there are mini pillows.

I think a pillow collection is really indispensable, and I also suggest that people get covers for them, that it is OK if they get full of lube. We are not talking about your dress pillows that you never want to touch. We are talking about pillows that it is really OK if they get some lube on them or some other wonderful liquids all over them. This is your time for making a mess and having a great time and letting go.

Kim Switnicki: Woo-hoo.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I love what you said about the pillows, particularly.

Kim Switnicki: Yes, and it can be different all the time. Like you say, with the different pillows you can layer them, even just having them around you just to feel luxurious. It is like laying back not a harem but those tents that you can imagine where there are just pillows everywhere. Lots of luxury around, you can really add to lovemaking as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: It is true, so we have hard pillows and soft pillows and pillows you can bend in half. I mean, I have got quite a pillow collection. We are going to have to stop and take another break, but please stay with us. This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and I am talking with Kim Switnicki. We will be right back, I promise.

But, you can learn more about Kim. At least, get her website it is lionessforlovers.com. It is a really fun website. She has got a blog. She writes some articles, so do check it out. We will be right back.

Announcer: Listen to Sex: Tantra and Kama Sutra, a weekly Internet audio program from personallifemedia.com. Learn ancient secrets that turn on the soul of sex at personallifemedia.com.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We are back, and I am Dr. Patti Taylor. We are talking to Kim Switnicki about lovemaking positions, all different kinds.

What are some fun and simple ways to break out of the same old routine? I think there must be something that partners can do for one another to encourage them, you know.

Kim Switnicki: Absolutely. There certainly are lots of little things and even bigger things that you can do. I like to start people, especially if they have been doing the same thing, perhaps, for some time. In a new relationship it is often easier to try new things, then people don't get upset or hurt feelings because you have only been making love or, perhaps, or even just having some great sex for a little while. It is easier to change things up without there being hurt feelings.

If you have been in a longer term relationship and you have been doing the same thing over and over even though it works and by works meaning that you may both be satisfied, you may still both reach orgasm, but you are wanting to maybe change it up a bit. You want to be careful and not all of a sudden jump in and say, "Hey, honey, I would like to try something new because I am bored." Think about your partner's feelings.

You want to, perhaps, start with something as simple as a new way of kissing. I am a big fan of the 10 second kiss. There is actually a book, and I have forgotten her name. I do have it available on my website, but it is "The Magic of the Ten-second Kiss". It can be really powerful just to start making out or necking with a partner that you have been with for years. Even in the middle of the day or whenever it strikes you, if you walked up to your partner, maybe not if they are under the hood of the car doing something really that takes a lot of concentration, but maybe just sneak up behind them and give them a little tushie grab and then give him a really deep connected kiss, and then you can even just walk away if you like.

And just start to add kissing more into your life and your relationship and even in bed. A lot of couples will make love, and in the morning you are less likely perhaps to kiss if you have got morning breath. You want to make love, but you don't want to do the kissing. Often, women and men will kiss less, and kissing is very, very intimate. It is an exchange of saliva. There are all kinds of wonderful things that happen chemically when you kiss someone.

That can be quite powerful to just get that connection going, and then it is amazing again how your inhibitions will start to slither away while you are connecting and making out, while you are kissing. Then, you may find yourself getting into other positions without even realizing it because you can just open up and really get into the kiss.

You can practice all-over body kissing and get back into learning those little nooks and crannies of your lover that you might not have been touching or kissing for a while, perhaps the back of their knees, or perhaps you used to really love kissing their feet or the backs of their legs or their backs or necks or whatever.

As you start kissing these other areas, be really free with the rest of your body. If you are kissing your lover's toes, perhaps the rest of your body can be rubbing up against them in some other way. You may end up in some sort of intercourse position that you hadn't planned on, but it certainly is not going to be a bad thing. You can practice things like nibbling and pinching and licking and wrestling and just getting you out of that usual routine that you may have been in.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That was just beautiful what you just said. I am really thinking how nice that is to start breaking out of the routine with simple things.

Speaking about positions and breaking out of the routine, do you always have to have penetration? What might be some good positions for just foreplay?

Kim Switnicki: Yeah, that is great. It is really lovely making love without penetration. When you are looking at things like simple things, to me what would appear to be the obvious, would be masturbation. When it really is exploring the joys of masturbation with each other, whether it is you masturbating yourself, your partner masturbating themselves, you doing each other or just masturbating together. It is really going back to the early days when you started making love because masturbation we generally started, hopefully, when we were quite young.

When you are masturbating, I think there is a real connection to youth and that vitality, and when you do it together it really is fun. I love having fun when I am in bed, but masturbating together is a really neat way especially perhaps a woman has her period if she really doesn't want to be having intercourse or there may be some reason perhaps from a birth control perspective.

Masturbation is the safest sex you can have. It is still way fun, and married couples or people who have been in long-term relationships can still masturbate together. It is usually faster than going through, let's say, the whole routine of making love and foreplay and having an orgasm and then cleaning up afterwards. When you masturbate generally, it is a little tidier, and you have a way that you do it. It can be a nice, quick release. Maybe, one of you wants to masturbate and then the other one gets so turned on that they decide they are going to do it, too, or you end up making love anyhow.

You can also do things like fingers, manual stimulation whether you are stimulating his penis or whether he is fingering you. He's got his fingers inside your vagina not even necessarily as foreplay, but he may just want to bring you to orgasm that way. You are really just getting into each other, and maybe you want to make love just with your hands one night. You are just going to make love with your hands all over your lover's body. You may want to try something. OK, we are not going to have our genitals touch. We are not going to even have our mouths touch anywhere. We are just going to use our hands and just see how you can pleasure each other.

Marilyn Monroe was actually known for rubbing… Well, this is , I guess, gossip but rubbing on Mr. Kennedy's back where he was on his tummy, and she brought herself to orgasm just rubbing herself against his back. You can imagine what a turn-on that would be for the man on the bottom just going, "Wow. There is all of this awesome activity happening behind me." She is just having a good time all by herself on his back.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Just talking to you makes me think of another great position which is outer course where the man is rubbing his penis against the woman's vagina, but he may or may not be hard. That brings up the whole issue of having sex just for the pleasure of it. We always think about fucking, but how about the outer course? What do you think would be a good position for that?

Kim Switnicki: Well, it is really interesting that there are lots of ways that stimulate people that they may not even know about. I certainly encourage people to try.

There are men who love breasts that absolutely love any shape or size of breast. If you have a man who loves breasts in whatever fashion and certainly if he loves yours, even better, but use your breasts to make love to his penis. You can really get into some hot stimulating sex. It really does not even matter what type of sex you would call it, but just rubbing whether if you have him rubbing against your chest, against your neck. Maybe, he is really into your feet. Well, use your feet to play with him and have him have his penis with your one foot or both feet.

Perhaps, he is an ass man. If he is an ass man, have him between the cheeks of your butt. He does not even have to penetrate. You do not have to have anal sex, but if he loves your butt then let him show his love for your butt with rubbing and playing. Perhaps even if he is laying on his back, you can lay on your back on top of him if you have got lots and lots of lube. Lube is, to me, the number one sexual accessory you should have whateverr your age. Then you have some lube perhaps all over your butt or all over his penis, and you are just rubbing. Slide your body up and down, and then he has got the pleasure of all of your soft curves all over his penis.

You have also got strap-ons that you can use for a lot of different positions. You can also explore anal sex which is a little different than your standard intercourse and oral sex. When it comes to oral sex, man, there are just almost endless positions for exploring oral play whether it is penis or vagina. There are just tons of positions for oral sex but again not sexual intercourse.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I am glad you brought that up. We are going to save that for the second part of our show. We are coming to the end of Part One of our show. Maybe, do you have a final thought you would like to leave with our listeners for today just so they can go out in the world and be inspired?

Kim Switnicki: Well, I think I would just like to suggest thinking about, even just asking questions while you are making love. You can do it outside the relationship, outside of the bedroom as well. While you are in the bedroom, questions like: Does this feel good? Would tighter be better? Would you like me to move down here? You can whisper it to your partner. You can look him in the eye and ask a question which is very powerful and can be very erotic. What would you like me to do to you next? And then what else, and then what else and just start to then find out what they really want.

You may find that there are things that you may want to say: I would like to do this to you. And then I would like to do this or I would like you to do this to me. Just get that dialogue happening, and that alone can be really powerful, very erotic. You may be surprised what comes out of your mouth and your partner's. Have fun with it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That is a beautiful, beautiful parting thought, just ask lots of questions. Thank you so much for coming on our show.

Kim Switnicki: Oh, you are quite welcome, Patti. It was lots of fun and I am getting all excited talking about it. [laughs]

Dr. Patti Taylor: All inspired here. We have been talking with Kim Switnicki. You can find out more about her at lionessforlovers.com I think you have a free E-book that people can download.