We land in VeroBeach, and when we land I look out the window and there's three cops standin' there. Which is no big deal to me, because cops love me and so do firemenA lot of times I'll get a police escort from the airport to the venue, and this, uh, wasn't one of those times.I got out of the plane and there was a cop there, and he said, "Mr. White, we've been told that there are drugs on this plane by an anonymous tip." I said, "There are absolutely no drugs on that plane." I did have a little bit of weed in my bag, but I wasn't on the plane, so technically I'm not lyin' to this guy, but-- And he goes, "Well, do you mind if we search the aircraft?" I said, "You absolutely cannot search this aircraft unless you have probable cause, because I still have civil liberties, you know what I mean?" I do.[ Cheering ] They said, "Okay, well, we just want the drug dog to walk by it a couple times.I said, "Fine," and the drug dog walks by a couple times.Guy goes, "Well, the dog gave us the signal that there are drugs on the plane." I'm like, "No, he didn't. That dog didn't do anything. I was starin' straight at him."He didn't wink, blink, woof or paw." What's his signal, a blank stare?That's all he did." He goes, "The dog says there's drugs on the plane." "I said there wasn't drugs on the plane.Who are you gonna believe? Me or the-- [ Bleeps ] never mind, you know?" Now, I've got a show to go to. They spend an hour and a half goin' through this plane.An hour and a half, and I'm just sittin' there goin', "Oh, come on." And they get finished. Of course, there is no drugs on the plane.00:10:49I knew there wasn't. I assume now they're gonna let me go, and I'll go do my show.I was like, "Well, that's fine. You know, whatever." Then they go, "Well, now the dog needs to sniff that bag on your shoulder." I was like-- [ Imitates Scooby-Doo ] "Ruh-roh!" They found seven-eighths of a gram of marijuana in my bag.Now, when I have seven-eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be... out of marijuana.That is no weed.And it's medical marijuana. It was prescribed to me by a doctor in California where I live.I told the cop that. He said, "What did you tell the doctor to get a prescription for marijuana?" I said, "The doctor said, 'Do you have any symptoms that marijuana helps alleviate?' I said, 'Well, I get bummed when I run out of weed.'" Marijuana cures that.They handcuffed me...and put me in the back of a cop car and took me to jail.00:I'm not whinin' about that. I broke the law.That's fine. [ Bleeps ] this is Florida.These cops drove by three meth labs and a dead hooker just to get there.

-----I remember seeing an episode of Cops where the cops stop a guy and ask if they can have the dog run around his car. I watched that farking dog and the dog didn't indicate on a Goddamn thing. The only thing that dog did different was the cop pointed at the gas cap and the dog sniffed it briefly and went to move on, and the cop gave the dog a little tug back and pointed at the cap again and the dog gave it another brief sniff. Then the cop tells the guy the dog indicated, and they searched his car and found a joint under the driver's seat.

King Something:beantowndog: Why would they forget how to bark on command?

It's not that simple. They've been trained to bark when they smell pot (or when the handler gives the "say this guy has pot so that we can legally beat him to within an inch of his life and steal all his worldly possessions without the slightest chance of repercussions" command). If pot is not illegal, the dogs' barks become worthless to the cops -- they might as well be barking because the guy has steak or a cat in his car.