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Should I go back to my suffocating marriage or stay firm on a divorce?

Unloved, unappreciated in my marriage, I want to move on but husband refuses to give divorce.

Should I move on?

Question:

I got married 5 years ago but my husband is not interested in me. He think his parents and brother are his only priority and he is responsible for them exclusively. If I have a problem he doesn’t understand or discuss with me or help me in any way to resolve it. He is least interested in communicating with me. In five years, after so many fights I am fed up and am now staying with my mother since the past 1.8 months. He never came once to ask why. He sent his friends to talk with my parents. I finally asked for divorce but he is not ready to settle because he does not want to pay alimony. Every one is telling me to stay with him and that he will change but I don’t want to live my life like that any more. Please suggest to me whether taking divorce and opting for a second marriage is the right decision are not.

Answer:

Dear Troubled,

I can understand that it must have been difficult for you to stay with someone who apparently didn’t care for you. Perhaps you and him had different opinions about how a marriage and a partner should be and that’s why there’s a mismatch in expectations. The decision of whether you should stay or leave, however, has to be entirely yours. What I WILL tell you is that in a scenario like this, you’ll have to be stronger than ever, no matter what you choose. If you choose to stay, you may need to be strong to be able to learn new skills to be able to develop a bond with your husband and find your place in his life. Change requires a lot of effort. If, on the other hand, you decide to leave, you will have to be strong to stick by your decision because only you know what you have gone through and no well-wisher will be able to feel the same pain or sadness and everyone will suddenly act like the wise one, coming forward with advice. Listen to everyone but don’t let it affect you, weigh your options carefully and then take a firm decision.

Also, if you do decide to leave, the process of divorce will take about a year at least and you must be prepared for how you’ll manage for yourself during that duration – financially, socially and in other aspects. Do not rush into a second marriage before you have had a chance to reflect properly on what exactly went wrong in your first ones, what are the lessons you learnt, and what you would do differently the second time around. A second marriage needs to be a well thought out step and not a means to recover from the first marriage. That would not serve you well in the long run.

Whatever be your decision, don’t be embarrassed to seek the help of a counsellor to guide you through the associated feelings because they will be able to give you unbiased advice. I wish you happy future and a lot of strength!

1 Comment

There’s no point staying with such man who doesn’t understand you even after 5years of your marriage. After any marriage both the partners become first priority to each other than anyone else and if he is least bothered about you in so long time you definitely need to leave him because you deserve to be loved , respected and most of all to stay happy . Good luck.

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