Posts Tagged ‘heart’

“For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” This observation was made my Bill Cosby and perhaps speaks more truth than humor.

Marriages come and go every day. Marriages that are happy and love filled are hard to find and even more difficult to maintain. Those who are married know it takes a constant effort to remain together and exhibit a union of love and happiness. Couples employ diverse ways to strengthen their marriage and live together in harmony.

Some find solace and strength in meaningful quotes about marriage and love. Wisdom of a wise person who has the ability to express in words how you feel can bring support and the desire to move through another day. When the day has gone bad and you feel no one understands you, particularly your spouse, evocative quotes can renew your enthusiasm and rekindle a love that’s grown cold.

Ogden Nash had good advice saying, “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it, whenever you’re right shut up.” The winner of any argument is more often than not the first one who admits wrong and takes the blame. A wise spouse holds their tongue even though they may be right and never says I told you so.

You may be feeling like Katharine Hepburn when she said, “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” This feeling often fills young couples soon after the wedding. They regret what they did and doubt marriage is for them. It was fun dating and now they’re tied to one person for the rest of their life.

If this thought has crossed your mind, remember what Pearl S. Buck said. She said, “The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.”

Dick Gregory may have found a reason for the feeling of doing wrong when he said, “Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but quickly forgotten.” Perhaps it’s time to renew your marriage vows and pledge your love again for one another.

No doubt you’ve heard the best advice for marriage quoted many times at weddings which is taken from the Bible in First Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

And as your marriage matures, whisper to your spouse the words of Robert Browning: “Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be. The last of life for which the first was made.”

I remember when this movie came out, I could not wait to watch. Now everytime it comes on tv, another that has me glued to the tube. Sanaa Lathan, Donald Faison, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Alfre Woodard, Taraji P. Henson, Mike Epps, Earl Billings and Golden Brooks are some of my favorite actors and actresses.

Corporate lawyer, independent woman that is not dating but everyone including her parents want her to finds love. Her friends tell her to try something new and do not worry about finding the “ideal black man.” Lo and behold she finds love in an unexpected place with a different package than she expected. Her friends set her up on a blind date with a landscaper and she is thrown for a minute.

She needs landscaping done and hires him to do it. He comes over to work on a weekend and discover that she is dressed in professional attire and comments. She shares that she has to go to work and is on target to become a partner. Before you know it, Kendra (Sanaa’s character) and Brian are spending more time together and she likes him.

Her family on the other hand has other ideas. This movie deals with race, money, parents and friends. I barely scratched the surface of this movie in my summary, grab your copy below if you want to know all the details.

Money Implications:

When it comes to your profession and you work in an environment where you might be the only person of your ethnicity, do not let it keep you from become successful and reaching your goals. Sure there will be people in the work environment that have a limiting mindset and could even talk down to you, utilize that as encouragement to press forward to success. Do not let their limitations stifle your earning potential.

Money Tip #1: You can settle for someone that makes the parent(s) happy but you will not be happy and could do things that would destroy your relationship. That comes at a price.

Money Tip #2: Stand by your beliefs even when completing a job, there is nothing greater than your integrity. If it makes the boss mad, so be it – be true to yourself and the facts.

Money Tip #3: Do not speak false information, you will be found out. This could cost you, your relationship and your job.

Observations:
Once she realized who truly was in her heart, she could no longer deny it and went after her man. Most of us know the truth pretty rapidly. Do not marry the wrong person because the money was spent or you were trying to save face. No noe will know the full story unless you choose to divulge it.

Stay true to who you really are and do not which I cannot stress enough get into the habit of pleasing your parents. Do not forsake your spouse for your parents.

Putting the parents before your spouse can destroy your marriage and relationship.

Recommendations:

(1) Be true to who you are and what your heart says.

(2) Keep an ongoing ledger or online tool to track your money. This will aid yo in the future if you have to remove something.

(3) Love is not about material things. It is fine to have material things but do not let material things have you.

Ladies, I was sitting here reviewing and thinking back to when I was younger and some of the different women that came across my path and what they did when it came to men. Lo and behold, that is where the title of this post came from. There are women who are spending their money on a man to keep him interested when they know he is not faithful nor committed to their relationship. In their mind, they were seriously dating and not far from walking down the aisle, when he is far from it.

For the woman that is reading this and it fits you, stop now! Do not spend another dime on this man. He is not the one for you no matter how good you think you are for him. You cannot buy love because love is not for sale. It is not an emotion it is a choice. Furthermore, if you have a person that is not being faithful when you are dating, what makes you think he will be faithful once you are married? Just a thought!

Do not ignore what is happening right in front of you. If you do and force a relationship that is not supposed to happen, you are potentially in for heart ache down the road that could have been avoided. Buying toys and trinkets does not solidify your relationship what it does it cause you to be taken advantage of.

Think about it. How many women do you know that have tried to buy a man with gifts, even giving him money, etc? What was the end result? Stop today if this is you. Don’t put yourself in a financial hole for someone that is probably not going to be around much longer.

Yes, I am a researcher to my heart. As I was researching marriage articles this morning, I discovered this article that was in a column of USA Today titled Is secularism saving marriages? I continued to read because that title had me interested. It discusses how men and women are perceiving themselves as mutual partners which transforms marriages.

I wholeheartedly agree with that. The article seems to think that the religious community does not get that. At the end of the day, whether you are spiritual or not, your beliefs about marriage and what you would like to see happen in your marriage will guide you in your relationship.

I am proud to see more people taking premarital counseling and learning to work together. When married couples have situations, they have always had the ability to choose I thought who they sought guidance from. For some they will turn to their Pastor, others will see experts in that field and that is okay too. What matters is that the couples take action and get the guidance that they need in order to sustain their relationship.

Marriage does take work from the husband and wife. Both parties must be willing to do what it takes to make their marriage work. It is not always about being right but being able to forgive, not holding on to the past, accepting responsibility for choices made and moving forward for the benefit of the marriage. Nobody is perfect.

I had to watch this movie a second time to make sure it fit the marriage and money movie reviews. I am sooooo glad I did because it was a great addition. This movie had various dynamics that I am going to point out that can benefit so many on different levels. Take your time when you are reading these reviews because if you can think back to the movie, you can see these different points of view.

Without giving too much away this movie dealt with an affluent family, race, unemployment, lies, and money. One of my favorite actors that I got to see in person and truly miss that was in the movie – the late Bernie Mac. Ashton Kutcher was also in this movie.

Ashton plays Simon in this movie and has become engaged to Bernie’s (Percy) daughter – Teresa. Simon and Teresa are going to her parents for the weekend to celebrate their 25th anniversary. She has not told her parents that he is white. Percy has pulled Simon’s credit report and is pleased with what he sees. When they arrive, Percy mistakes the cab driver, who is black for his daughter, Teresa’s boyfriend. Then when Simon introduces himself as her boyfriend, Percy is taken shocked. Percy looks around to see if anyone sees Simon standing in the yard and says we need to go inside. Then he begins in on Simon with the 20 questions. He is very suspicious of simon.

Percy later asks his wife, why didn’t the daughter tell them he was white. Wife admits she had figured it out. Simon begins contacting old friends and colleagues to see if he can get a job before anyone discovers he does not have a job. Percy does not like him from the start and wants to take him to a hotel.

Money Implications:

Do not hide your financial background from your soon to be spouse. When the truth is revealed it could divide and destroy your relationship and marriage. There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table to ensure the one you love knows you are not attempting to keep secrets, especially financial secrets.

Do not lie about your employment situation. You can only pretend so much and it will catch up with you.

Money Tip #1: If you love someone, love them regardless of income.

Money Tip #2: For parents, do not make your grown son or daughter feel as if their choices are wrong when it comes to a mate without talking with your future son or daughter-in-law.

Money Tip #3: Do not prejudge a person based on the color of their skin. That type of discrimination affects a person as a whole which includes their work performance.

Money Tip #4: Parents should be knowledgeable of how their future son or daughter-in-law handle different financial situations.

Observations:

When it comes to love, race should not matter. Your heart does not discriminate – love who you love and enjoy life.

Do not lie about your employment because it will affect the entire household. Once you say “I Do”, all situations (employment, education, financial and more) affect the household.

If you start out lying to your future spouse, you will slip up and the relationship could begin to deteriorate.

Recommendations:

1) Be honest and proud of your soon-to-be spouse. You are the one that has to live with the person and make joint decisions. You should not be embarrassed about this person or anything.

2) Know that when you enter into a marriage and it is different races, you can get the looks and even some comments – do not address people’s ignorance. Love the one you are with because they love you. You don’t have to impress anyone.

3) Talk WITH each other versus AT each other. The power of speech also affects your finances, ability to work effectively and efficiently whether you work for someone else or have your own business.

4) When you are building a relationship with your in-laws, it takes time. Build the relationship without passing judgment. This is your soon-to-be spouse’s parents.

5) Before you borrow money from parents or in-laws, know up front that a lot can happen from that i.e. change in the relationship, parents watching how you spend (they may think you are wasting their money) money and more. Make sure everyone understands whether it is a gift or a loan.

We have all heard the saying, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” I am going to address that from the aspect of money and marriage. I decided to do some research because about two years ago, I offered a teaching on the Mindset and even to this day, I continue to get more and more revelation into how the mind truly works because, I am sooo intrigued by the mind.

From my research, the average human has 55,000 thoughts per day which means 2,292 thoughts per hour and 38 thoughts every minute. WOW! That is a lot and now, it is clear to me why there are times when my mind is racing. That comes from excitement or even specific things becoming clearer in my mind.

We hold in our minds thoughts of the past, our childhood, things we did as young adults, the present and thoughts about our future. Think about it, someone could have called you on the phone and said “remember when….. ” and you would say yes and there your mind goes taking you down memory lane.

Now that you have gotten a brief glimpse into the mind, I want to turn your attention to YOUR MOUTH. Let’s get down to the specifics – one study shows that men speak an average of 15,669 words per day and women speak 16,215 words per day. Those numbers are not significantly different.

What do we speak? Words, observations, past failures that are in our MINDS. Granted we do have accomplishments and achievements and it seems it takes a lot to naturally speak up about our accomplishments. As a whole the world seems to focus on the negative sooo much instead of the positive.

When it comes to money and marriage, I have to say this – if you are not careful about what THOUGHTS you have towards money and marriage, your MIND will deceive you. How you ask? Many couples are not discussing money and marriage – they have become mind readers as to why their spouse took this course of action when it pertains to finances instead of asking. Once you become a mind reader, you make a lot of assumptions which are usually unfounded. This leads to other problems in the marriage.

Once the mind has deceived you, those thoughts that you are thinking over and over – then you begin to SPEAK with your mouth negativity, speaking out of emotions as well as past failures and experiences. Negativity, emotions, past failures and experiences can put you on a course leading your marriage straight to divorce.

Let’s take it that we do have 2,292 thoughts per hour and an unexpected financial situation presents in your marriage and you are speaking 16,215 words per day. Whether you are reacting to this situation or responding, what are you likely to utilize your mouth to speak? Optimism or will you choose to complain and argue about money issues that persist in your marriage?

Your mind (thoughts) and mouth (what you speak) are very crucial to your every day life. are very crucial to your every day life – your relationships, how you raise your children, your job, your business – everything.

One of my favorite scriptures is:

Proverbs 23:7 – So as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

What are you thinking about your money in marriage now? What do you think about your spouse? What do you think about yourself? Be careful before you speak either negativity or defeat into your life.

I encourage you to line up your mind (thoughts) and your mouth (speech) for health, happiness, marital peace, financial independence and more.

Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan, there was no way I was going to pass this one. I own it and anytime that I really need to crank out a lot of work, I put this one on and it gets me through.

This story is about two childhood friends, growing up and making it. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and when they connect again, she (Sidney) finds out that he (Dre’) is getting married to Nicole Ari Parker who plays Reece. Reece is also in the corporate world and makes a lot of money. The night before the wedding you will not believe what happens…. That is all I am going to say, go and get the movie.

Money Implications:

Do not marry for money. Marry for love and know in your heart of hearts this is the person you should be marrying.

Money Tip #1: Live within or below your means. Living above your means leads to trouble.

Money Tip #2: When it comes to your career, you must be true to yourself about what you need from employment to make yourself happy.

Money Tip #3: Do not start your own business without knowing what the expenses are, how long it will take before you make a profit and what the costs are to start the business.

Observations:

Even though Dre’ and Sidney attempted to pretend they were in love with other people, it all changed at a certain time. You love who you love.

Recommendations:

1) Do not be afraid of loving the person you fell in love with. If you are settling for “Mr. Comfortable and Acceptable, there could come a point in your relationship when you feel it is time to get out.

2) Divorce is expensive. As a matter of fact, I say it is the biggest marital expense of them all. Know what you are doing.

Money and marriage are near and dear to my heart because this is what I live. I am the person that came to their marriage with financial baggage and maybe different than you I did put it on the table. As a matter of fact, so did my husband. We both came to our marriage with financial baggage and we are both Christians. My husband and I are a happily married couple of 13 years that know from our own experience how to be successful at money and marriage.

When it comes to dealing with financial baggage which can be anything from - slow pays, homelessness, debt, bankruptcy, cleaning up credit, family and money, becoming parents, job loss, spending, student loans, bad credit, business decisions affecting finances and relationships – we have experienced it.

When I say this morning, Money and Marriage is My Ministry, it is a ministry for me that I do not take lightly. I thought back to when I was interviewed by US News and World Reports - a question she asked was does faith impact money? I had soooo much fun answering that question because it does when you are a Christian, believer. I am here to listen, then encourage and provide solutions that work to:

Couples that are in church whose finances are funny and they do not understand but do not think they can reach out to anyone for help because they believe they will be judged or their situation will become church staff gossip

Couples who are embarrassed to even say we have made wrong decisions and want to get our money and marriage right. We don’t want money being a reason we get divorced.

Individuals who are tired of making wrong financial decisions but need help in cleaning it up.

Anyone that want help in the area of money and marriage without judgment and condemnation.

The person that has fear when it comes to money.

Regardless of what you think, you can come out of financial frustration today. As far as I am concerned, Christian Marriages should be setting the example for those not of faith and encourage them to want to be a Christian. But I know that is not what has happened.

It is time to equip Christian marriages with life skills to sustain marriages and not let them be a divorce statistic. Let me address this – do you have to be a Christian to contact me? No, you do not and I will continue to provide you with solutions based on what I know works.

Christian or not, when you are given solutions it will be your choice whether or not you utilize the information and move beyond financial frustation and begin the path of financial independence.

Best friends that have not seen each other in a couple of years. The guy contacts the girl to share that he is getting married the upcoming weekend and wants her there. He does not feel as if he can go through it without her. She arrives with the intention of breaking it up because she loves him and has for 9 yrs. Over the next few days, she does everything she can to split them up and it does not work by any means. At the end of the day, she cannot break them up because she turns out (bride-to-be) to be the perfect woman.

Money Implication: His bride-to-be is the daughter of a billionaire baseball team owner. He is a freelance sports writer. One would think this would affect the relationship. The groom’s best friend does try to use this to her advantage as one of the tools to break up their relationship. Yet his bride-to-be pulls it off the table.

Money Tip #1: Do not let money be the driving factor to your walking down the aisle. Marry for love and not money.

Money Tip #2: In my opinion if you have a pre-nup it says you are planning for the divorce before you say “I Do.” Love is a choice and not an emotion.

Money Tip #3: Do not let society dictate your wedding or marriage. You know what is true and right in your heart.

Caution: All of your friends might not be happy about your upcoming wedding. However, be realistic and make a wise decision. The heart does not lie.

Second Caution: Do not settle for less than you deserve because all of your friends are married. Take your time because the right person will come along.