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Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 7664

Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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I am in a real quandary. My wife of 13 years has had endometriosis

Customer Question

I am in a real quandary. My wife of 13 years has had endometriosis for over 10 years. This has given her extreme and intense pain which has had an effect on her emotions and her moods. She is very irritable, short-tempered and has had a big impact on my self-esteem. She has had several operations, the last one removing most of her ovaries fand therefore stopping her periods. I find it almost too much even if she raises her voice at me. I lover her deeply but don't feel I can cope. And yet I cannot imagine life without her. Sex has also been an issue as I have a I high sex drive and she didn't even before her condition. Sex has always been routine and I exciting. She was the second woman I had sex with and I started to feel resentful that I had not seen other women's vaginas and breasts. I joined a dating club unbeknownst to my wife and have met 5 women for sex which has shown me what I have been missing but has also left me feeling guilty and ashamed. I am thinking of suicide every day. It seems the only way out. Suicide does not mean I am clinically depressed, does it?

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you with this complicated and heart-wrenching situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Feeling suicidal IS a sign of clinical depression. Unfortunately your medications are not helping you. If you have only been on them a short while remember it often takes a month before they start to help = and they don['t always help everyone.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Telling yourself that your real feeling of depression do not sound to be much of a therapy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have multiple issues. You are involved in a loveless relationship with a woman who herself if very depressed and aggressive.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Even before her endometriosis, you already seemed to have a deteriorating relationship due to sexual incompatability.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

incompatibility

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand that you have marriage vows with her but neither of you seem to be able to keep them to each other in different ways.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It would be cowardly to leave her by suicide and it would be brave to just divorce her. He abuses you and has crushed your spirit.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your self-therapy is dating and having sex with other women, and it seems to have had some cheering effect on you and perhaps lessened your despair.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Antidepressants only mask or lower symptoms but do not get at the causes, which in your case if marriage to a woman who not only rejects you sexually but abuses you emotionally. Your response is to get comfort elsewhere, but because you are married you are wracked with guilt.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You cannot help you wife any longer and she cannot help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is destroying your will to live and crushing your life, not on purpose, but because of the way she is - and you cannot help her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to be honest with your wife and tell her that you cannot bear to be with her any longer as you would rather be dead.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This will be a hard breakup, but not as hard as the life you will have to continue to endure until you die or she dies or until you take you life.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There is no sense in this. There is no real morality.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have already broken the marriage vows for which you should NOT be blamed. Your marriage is long failed and you must consider that perhaps ending it legally and going your own ways if the best, albeit imperfect solution.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

My prayers are with you for strength, courage, and wisdom.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will both survive on the other side of divorce. I cannot speak with as much assurance about your survivability if you remain in this marriage.

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