45 is the male equivalent to the female 23. nobody finds you attractive anymore. your self esteem goes to shit. it stresses you out, so you get fatter and your hair falls out quicker. you have more money so you try to buy things to compensate for this. but then you feel like shit after you realize that those things can't fill the empty void that's your shit existence. it's not really anything in particular that happened to me. i've lived a fairly normal life. the thing you need to understand is that's how every man that's around age 50 feels. they may say they're happy and fulfilled, but actually they're bitter and just counting the days until they're in a warm hospital bed awaiting the warm light.

I'm 40 and I found out last week that my shoulder pain is from moderate arthritis. It fucking hurts every day and now I know that, basically, there's nothing I can do about it outside of a joint replacement.