torsdag 15 januari 2009

As the recipient of many, many, many wedding and shower favors, I feel the need to speak up about the bad ones. Don’t get me wrong here - I’m not being ungrateful for the sentiment of thanks that a favor represents. What I’m talking about is when the favor is poorly executed or that feels so much like an afterthought that it’s offensive (i.e. “Thanks for coming. Here’s an after dinner mint for your trouble.”). Some favors are just way overdone. Some have dubious legal origins. Some are just destined to end up in the garbage.My Top 10:

1. Jordan almonds (especially wrapped in tulle). I know these have long been traditional wedding favors because of the bitter-sweet symbolism. I can dig that. However, the truth about Jordan almonds is they’re horrible. I have never, ever in my life heard of anyone saying “Oh man, I just got the worst craving for Jordan almonds.” The teeth-shattering pastel-colored coating isn’t tasty. The almonds are merely “eh”. Why bother when there are 10 million other sweet treats that are far more yummy? Plus, lots of people are allergic to tree nuts.

2. CD favors. I get the appeal. You have the music. They’re easy DIY projects. You wanna share your favorite looooove songs. Rock on. However, the legal foo surrounding unauthorized distribution of music is troublesome. But what really bugs me is crappy song selection. Sure, you love these songs but it’s unlikely that your 100+ guests will share your exact taste in music. Of the 6+ wedding favor CDs I’ve received, I’ve only kept 1. The others got a one-way pass to Garbage Can City, baby. That’s a lot of work, money and materials to just be thrown away.

3. Spoons with chocolate. There are two types of these. The first is spoons dipped in melted chocolate. The other, is a Hershey’s kiss placed in the bowl of the spoon, wrapped in tulle with a cutesy poem. About the dipped spoons: I guess they’re ok for the guests that drink coffee and want chocolate in it. For the rest of us, sucking on plastic spoons to get some chocolate isn’t all that interesting or appetizing. About the Kiss spoons: Just give me the candy. Don’t put more unused plastic products into the universe and, pleasefortheloveofjeebus, stop it with the cutesy poems!

4. Bubbles. They’re waaaaaay overdone, messy, and not all that fun. Can you think of any better way to thank your guests? No? Just skip the favors, then.

5. Seeds and plants. I want to love these. Truly, I do. For green or garden weddings, I think they’d be awesome. Why don’t I ever want to see them again? Like many guests, I will never plant the seeds and I will likely kill the plants. You just wasted a couple of dollars and perfectly good seeds/plants.

6. Framed pictures of the bride and groom. I’m not sure what to think of couples that do this. Narcissistic? Overbought on their engagement shot package and trying to find ways to get rid of the extras? For guests that know you REALLY well (re: your immediate circle of friends and family), this is probably ok. For the rest of us, what the heck are we supposed to do with your picture because it’s sure not going to be displayed in our home or office?

7. Scented candles. I loves me some candle-y goodness (Illumination$ is my friend in a big way) but, like most people, I’m pretty particular about the scents I like. (Lavender, I kid you not, makes me hostile.) Sitting in a reception hall with 150+ highly scented candles (of any flavor) is nauseating and I’m not all that sensitive to that kind of stuff. If you’re gonna do candles, go unscented. Gracias.

8. Bath salts/bath bombs/handmade soaps. Completely inappropriate for a wedding favor and kind of offensive. (Not to mention the scent-factor.) Toiletries are best suited as personal gifts or as shower favors unless your wedding guests are particularly stinky and need a really big hint to wash themselves.

10. Edibles of poor quality. I adore edible favors. They’re one of the best favors you can give - if the quality is good. If you’re going to make edibles, please use ingredients that are at least of passable quality. If you’re giving pre-made goodies, give stuff that’s actually tasty. Your local supermarket likely has fresh, quality ingredients and goodies if you can’t afford artisanal products. Always check expiration dates. And, please, be sure to taste your favors before you decide to give them away. In recent years I’ve received waxy, bland chocolate truffles, cookies that were sickeningly salty and infused olive oil that was rancid. Ewwwww! A little quality control goes a long way.