Good Intentions

I ran early with Paige, in the dark, damp mist that marked this Thursday morning in Austin. We decided that it was part run, part facial and we were sure we would look 20 again by hour's end. We felt younger, anyway.

After drop off this morning, I went to my weekly yoga class (yes, I am still going, it's a habit now, I look forward to it...amazing!) at 8am. I still cannot get my heels anywhere near the mat in down dog and I actually attempted a hand stand (albeit wall-assisted, still terrifying) today. In the middle of my lopsided hand stand I had a turrets-like outburst shouting, "I am FREAKING out over here!" I'm sure the class was impressed with both my lack of coordination and my lack of filter. Do you ever do that? Say what you are thinking out loud and then wonder if you said it or just thought it? I don't like being upside down, off balance and bordering on out of control. That's exactly why I made myself try it. I might wait a while before I do it again.

I've probably said this before, but other than the word Namaste, my favorite part of yoga is when Leigh asks us to "set an intention" at the beginning of class. She explains that it can be anything we want as long as it's something worthwhile and positive. I have had all kinds of intentions: peace, openness of heart, patience with myself and others, surrender, creativity, lightness, freedom, authenticity, forgiveness, etc. We go through all of our moves and then ten minutes before class ends she dims the lights and we get to utterly chill (it has some yogi name (shivasana?), but I can't remember for sure because I chill out hardcore). We can sprawl out however feels comfortable on our mat, using a bolster or sliding our feet up the wall, or just full-splat which is what I do, with a heavy Mexican blanket draped over me. I melt into nothingness on the floor like a chalk drawing at a crime scene. Leigh has a play list that I covet, and as I lay there, luxuriously, decadently resting, I think about...absolutely nothing.

It may be the only time on record that I ever think about nothing. I am usually thinking about my kids, thinking about my list, thinking about a conversation that I had, will have, or don't want to have, thinking about work, thinking about plans, thinking about my family and friends, thinking about my life, or thinking about thinking about something - but my mind is rarely idle. I sometimes do so much during the night in my dreams that I wake up in the morning vaguely tired.

But for those ten minutes my mind goes on hiatus and I transcend myself. When Leigh's voice beckons me back to consciousness by asking me to slowly wiggle my fingers and toes, I resent the disturbance but I comply. I curl up on my side and stay there too long, before I slowly join the rest of class in a cross-legged, hands pressed together 'namaste' position. I breathe and try to bottle the pocket of zen in my mind for later. She often asks us to check back in with our intention we set at the beginning of class. I like that part, it means something to me. I have begun to incorporate this into other areas of my life. I try to set an intention before I run, workout, write, meet up with a friend, make a speech, eat a meal, discipline my children, state my opinion, say yes or no to a request. The more I set intentions, the more I realize how many opportunities I have to do so in the span of a week, a day, or even an hour. I realize how often in the past I have not checked in with my intention, or even made one to begin with How easy is it to waste time, get off track, or miss the moment when I forget where my heart is?

I can use my intention if I have to regroup or reassess. "What I meant to say was..." or "My intention before I arrived or said a word was to (connect, apologize, inquire, support)" When I clarify things out loud it helps other people to understand where my heart is, even if I have totally botched my delivery. It also helps me to clarify my goal in any given situation. For example I had to remind myself of my intention (which was completion) halfway through running group yesterday when I wanted to quit and go eat pancakes. Syrup tastes much sweeter on top of victory.

Try setting intentions today, with your work, your relationships, your running. Perhaps the truth behind the acknowledgment has the power to impact results.