Tag Archives: hemi-paresis

Well, my trip to Warsaw didn’t go quite as I planned. I went to my beloved doc and I managed to see my beloved friends. I had some troubles buying my falafel. I was too distractd to focus on the menue.

My hemi-paresis and confusion was bigger than usually.

And from one moment I don’t remembr anything. Friends said that I was speaking clearly but without sense. And one moment I lifted my hand up and I was staring at it. Like a Statue of Liberty?

Then i started to turn my body left. And I clamped my jaws. And I fell. Or I was blown down… And I started to shake.

From what I don’t remember my friends reaction was full of panic. Crying and running around. Someone put me in the recovery position. My awaress came back in hospital. Someone told me that they suspect another stroke. I remember crying so much. Word ‚epilepsy’ was used later. When I saw my friends I became calm. I even joked. 😉

My doctors were supercool. Most of nurses and ward nurses also. During next days my epilepsy was confirmed. Now I’m a strokie with pilepsy blem.

We don’t now how it will develop. Maybe drugs will work perfctly and this attack was my last epileptic performance. But it doesn’t have to be one time show. In hospital I met a girl with post-stroke epilepsy who still can’t win her battle. I feel so sorry for her.

In this moment I’d love to deny rumours that I was running out the topics to write on my blog(s) and that’s why I developed epilepsy. It wasn’t also for fading interest in my person. I don’t invite anyone for medical marihuana just yet.

Imagine that suddenly you loose power over your body. That you lie in the bed and want to scratch head and you can’t. Even though your hand doesn’t really hurt, you can’t move it more than few cm. As if someone drugged you.

Imagine that you drive your car talking to a friend sitting next to you and suddenly, in one second, your words become mumbling, and when you try to change the gear, it doesn’t feel like your hand, it’s more like log of wood hitting on something. Imagine that after falling down and you can’t get up because you have no power in your leg and hand.

If you think that you can imagine that, you’ve never been more mistaken in your life. My hemi-paresis (of left side) after brain stroke was (and still is) the most awkward I’ve ever experienced, you kind of can move your limbs, but not in a way you want. And they are so weak that you sometimes wish that you didn’t have the them at all.

So many stroke survivors struggle with hemi-paresis. It’s quite different from paralysis, but I guess equally frustrating. It’s a state of „in between”, you kind of can, but really can’t. Your brain can’t guide your hand or leg or only fingers.

When paresis hits you the lack of power over your body is just weird, you notice formerly unnoticeable things. Me myself I feel it as if a bunch of puppeteers sat in my body and pulled strings just to make my moves more difficult.

At some point it’s easy to give up and give all power to the puppeteers. To give up working out, your physiotherapy, but one must cut the strings by working out. I still have problems with my palm and I work out. Time passes and it’s still frustrating, but it’s not worth giving up.