Doc Love: Get Attention From Women

This week's question comes from a guy who's never had a girlfriend in his entire life and he's at his wit's end. Can Doc Love end his dating drought?

reader's question

Hey Doc,

I have gone through my entire life without ever being able to attract the attention of the opposite sex. Throughout my middle and high school years every time I got up the guts to talk to a girl I was immediately shot down, laughed at, beaten up by their large (and possibly pharmaceutically enhanced boyfriends) or asked if I had been dared to do this as some form of initiation rite by my friends or teammates. This has gone on for so long that I have hardened emotionally to the point that I now only view women as part of the procreative biological process that I will not ever participate in. I thought that by going to college things would change, but they didn’t. I have tried every possible trick of the trade posted on the net or published in a book to attract females, with no bites. I have tried understanding women as everything from a mathematical enigma to some type of exotic and rare creature, without success.

a lonely life

So here I am, almost 30, and still not one relationship to my credit. I own a house, a car, have a decent job, and am working on finishing my advanced college degree. I am not a good judge of myself, but I think my looks are average — blond hair with hazel-green eyes hidden behind glasses, with a slim-to-fit build. I spend my days playing video games, modifying cars and computers, and taking camping trips to the middle of nowhere for survival training and archery practice. I am a self-taught musician and practice the martial arts. I read every book I can get my hands on, from quantum physics to the Delta Force hand-to-hand combat manual.

Should I give up or spend every dime I have to surgically enhance my appearance? Or should I blow all my money and get some high-priced escorts and pray that I don’t catch something? Should I try super-concentrated pheromones? Please don’t tell me to just be myself because that advice has only brought me pain. Thank you.

DeShawn - who doesn’t know what’s left to try

doc love's answer

Hi DeShawn,

Just the fact that you’re asking a girl out with her muscle-bound boyfriend standing right next to her — so that he can beat your face to a pulp when you’re finished — you’re telling me right off the bat, and this is not meant as a put down, that you know absolutely nothing about women. If you did, why in the world would you try and hustle a girl who has a guy with 17 1/2 inch arms standing guard over her — a brute who’s going to smash your face into the wall? Like the old cowboy saying goes, “Common sense would tell you it ain’t a good idea.” The problem is that you have no common sense.

So you’re coming to me with absolutely zilch ability with women, DeShawn, which you admit in your letter. Again, this is not meant as a put down. It’s just a fact, and we always deal with reality.

why not you?

Thinking you’re never going to have a woman in your life in any way is an erroneous view, pal, and down deep you know it. I’m sure you see many couples walking around laughing and kissing and having a good time, and you have to wonder, “What happened to me?” And more importantly, “Why not me?” However, you have a lot of work to do, even by comparison to a guy who gets a date once every two months or so. At least that guy’s doing a little something right. But you’re doing absolutely nothing right. Like my cousin General Love says, “Soldier, you’re starting from ground zero.”

Now, I won’t get into why you’re in this predicament in the first place because I’m not a psychiatrist. My job is to take you forward from this point, which is the end zone. You have to do everything I tell you to do in order to advance the ball up the field. You’re going to have to let me call all the plays.