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And taking a one-way trip, I believe, back to the farm he was born on.

How do I know this?

1. His sister is driving him there2. He texted me to basically say might not be home to see me when I visit in April cos he needs his solitude3. The meds fucked his liver and he decided to stop taking them, rather than die there and then of liver failure, some months ago

It is so damn hard, a chronicle of death foretold.

Now, it may, I concede, have a happy ending, but right now I think not.

But, note this, he is happier than he has ever been. Perhaps more alive than me with me bills n commuting.

It's like the 80s never went away, just got slower, it's hard to talk to people about this.

We are currently helping out one of our out-of-the-country relative diagnosed with a 'bad' cancer. Just providing presence and support (email, letters, gifts, etc...). They gave him an experimental drug that cured him in much less time than doctors were expecting. We believe care, presence and not solitude can do wonders.

Sorry to hear your fine friend is not doing well Newt, I hope he will be happy and cared for in the months ahead and yes perhaps good news can come, it does happen with illnesses from time to time. In any event it is a small blessing he got to make a life choice now, there is comfort in that and he has a good, kind friend in you for one. Sorry we couldn't all hook up in London or beautiful Brighton when I was in England, perhaps next time. In any event take good care of yourself and hope you find peace with this news regarding your buddies decision.

Jody

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"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world". "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Very sorry to hear this. I signed on and at first sight saw Miss P's posting about "we were here" and then yours. Both make me angry, one for why do we need another reminder of what has happened and the other for what is still happening. I can comprehend both, but can not understand either. Thinking of you and your friend, sincerely!

My thoughts are with you and your friend too Matt.. and may I say sir, your writing is almost always moving,..

One line in your OP stands out for me though, that you said he is happy and more alive. Isn't it the most important thing for him? I have seen too many perished in hospitals, halfway dwellings of epic miserable proportion for many between the worlds of the living and the dead. Your friend is in a place he clearly loves.. and it sounds like he will be with people that he loves too if the moment must come.

Maybe there's a chance for a happy ending as you said.. I wish him the best, and as for you Matt, try to enjoy a pint or two..

I too didn't want to throw empty platitudes last night when I first read this. My heart ached when I read it then and it still does today. So instead of saying something else that's stupid, I'll just send my heartfelt energy.

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Complacency is the enemy. Challenge yourself daily for maximum return on investment.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

The outcome is now uncertain, which is good. A plan evolves, we'll see. Deploying skills from the 1980s. Exactly how much do you mash the chicken soup? What is the right mix of love an butt-kicking? How long is a moment for present living?

Right now, I am so fucking in love with uncertainty.

Right now, I am on the worst broadband connection in the southern world.

The outcome is now uncertain, which is good. A plan evolves, we'll see. Deploying skills from the 1980s. Exactly how much do you mash the chicken soup? What is the right mix of love an butt-kicking? How long is a moment for present living?

Right now, I am so fucking in love with uncertainty.

Right now, I am on the worst broadband connection in the southern world.

Sometimes a short message has you not knowing where to look. The nub of it is, ARVS will begin on Monday, and I sincerely wish this time no IRIS. Wish not hope, because realistically tis possible. This is the moment for which they invented the phrase cautiously optimistic.

I hope it thunders tonight, but looks like it will just be coastal drizzle.

I hope it thunders tonight, but looks like it will just be coastal drizzle.

We've got thunder and lightening on the Rock tonight. It's a rarity here and I can only remember less than a handful of storms like this in the past 20 years. I'm happy but the cats are a bit freaked out.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I take comfort in the ART-CC calculator that shows a reduction in risk of death for me mate from 20% to less than 2% on starting ARVs. My fingers is so damn crossed.

In Mozambique once I saw an advocate plead with a doctor to give a guy in a coma ARVS. 6 days later he was awake and walking. But I know it don't always go that way.

That was a weird trip, Mozambique. Addressed 2,000 people in a football stadium, rather dilapidated, collapsing, 60s concrete, ex-colonial affair with trees growing out the stands. I told them "I am a rarity, I am a white man with HIV, I am well and intend to have a long, happy life." I could not see the crowd for the sun it was so bright. Brilliant country.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

My feeling here is that slight improvement often leads to greater strides toward recovery down the road, he has probably taken the biggest step by starting to eat and get more engaged as you say. I always tell folks if I am still alive, anyone can survive.

I'm holding out myself in allowing any old acquaintances to read about me in any obituary!!!

Jody

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"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world". "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."