We've been getting a couple more youngsters on the forums lately, so I'm sure conscientious parents will see the forum mod posting an official announcement with "booty bothered" in the title and get... well, booty bothered. But to be quite frank, there aren't any other words to adequately express the concept of "booty bothered" except for "booty bothered," and so I'm stuck in the position of inevitably butthurting some concerned progenitors. So... sorry, inevitable-butthurtees.

However, recent events have demonstrated that booty bothered is quickly becoming Serious Business, and so I'd like to take a moment out to talk about it.

Except instead of actually talking about it, I'm just going to plagiarize ED for the most part because that's way less work.

You try to pull off that you don't care about people posting about you. In fact, even thanking the posters for giving you attention. Pushaw! Show your fans that you're better than that. Note: During this time you will have inflated ego, and an urge to write a poem to the poster giving thanks to them. Luckily this is the shortest stage of all and will likely last a week at most.

Stage two: BLACK RAGE!!

Forget being nice, the mod hasn't deleted that post yet after a whole five minutes and it's time to bring out your inner fat Russian kid. Post anti-trinagle razgrizzly dapper pr0n on DevianTart and see how those rapscallions like that! This of course will only bring out more lulz. You will no doubt send your buddies to spam the forum on your behalf, bringing down even moar lulz. To show them who's the bees knees, make a youtube video of you and your little brother rapping about how much triangles suck.

Stage three: BAAAAAAAAAAWW!!!

Start saying on livejournal that your mood is sad . Make big rants about how your life sucks and how no one likes you. Contrary to popular belief, other forumites will only edit the pictures of you looking sad that you posted to make it look like mudkips are snuggling your face. Bonus points if you mention you are bipolar and hear voices.

Stage four: God

Why be mad when you could be a martyr? You will begin saying you forgive the poster because it's what Jesus would do. Similar to stage one, only you add in that everyone on the forum will burn in hell anyways so it doesn't matter lol.

Stage five: ???????????

???????????????

Stage six: Profit!!!!!11one!

So that's the expert definition from the source. Now recently a couple of new users have made booty bothered Serious Business around here. Examples include rulbender, whom I just banned rather than deal with his chronic booty bothered disease; Adean, who got sucked into a cycle of booty bothered very briefly before returning to the light of awesomeness, and lately ace121, who seems to get locked into a booty bothered posting spree every time somebody mentions his name. Fortunately I've had time this evening to delete something like 150 of his posts and now it looks once again like we've spent the last couple of days talking about stuff that's cool instead of spending 95% of our output talking about one guy's booty bothered.

So please, everybody. Next time you find yourself considering the path of booty bothered, remember this calming meditative koan: NO ONE CARES. In fact, if anyone does care, the quickest way to make them stop caring is to be booty bothered.

Read the stages of booty bothered listed above. Is it wrong to (1) not care, (2) be angry, (3) feel sad, (4) forgive people, (5) ????, or (6) profit? No! What's wrong is telling internet strangers about it with the expectation that they're obligated to care, or with an unjustified sense of entitlement with regards to their paying attention to you. Maybe people will care, maybe people will pay attention, but that's at their own discretion. And here's the reason: it's not their job. No one on the forum is your mommy, and if you expect them to be your mommy, then you're going to end up booty bothered. (Except in the rare case where your mommy actually has an account on the forum, and even then you're probably better off talking to her about it in real life rather than mucking up forum threads.)

Now, that being said, everybody please have some patience with the school-age kids because a lot of them will be coming in expecting a more nurturing environment than the kind they're going to discover here. Hopefully most of them will learn the ropes pretty quickly and become productive non-butthurt members of society. (Have no patience with adults though, because if they've reached adulthood without learning not to be booty bothered, they're the kind of damaged goods that's too late to repair.)

Last edited by Rayhawk on Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I thought about this some more and came up with a more concise summary for the No booty bothered policy. It goes a little something like this:

While internetting, there's a possibility that people online will respect you, or accept you, or care about what you have to say. But that potential depends on them not thinking about whether they respect you, accept you, or care. The moment you make one of those things the topic of conversation, NO ONE respects you, accepts you, or cares about what you have to say.

So next time you are tempted by the false allure of booty bothered - instead, just relax, take a deep breath, and accept the nature of the internet for what it is.

well the problem is that ten-year-olds read this, and then think "well that's true for everybody else, but my particular situation is different and unique. and of course, it's not.

i think the best way to put it is to clearly announce "ATTENTION. YOU ARE NO MORE SPECIAL THAN EVERY OTHER MORON ON THIS BOARD. YOU ARE INSIGNIFICANT AND ALWAYS WILL BE. THE ONLY ATTENTION YOU CAN GARNER IS NEGATIVE ATTENTION, LEADING TO B&."

ace121 wrote:I deem it safe for me to post here now. Umm... I'm not ten. That's about all I can add to this conversation. Other than that, I agree with pretty much everyone. booty bothered is bad; but it is educational.

WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AROUND KIDS!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? I never expected a nuturing environment, in fact, I had damn expected that every damn 3rd word that was posted would be some damn swearin'.

Last edited by ahp77 on Wed Jul 09, 2008 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

ahp77 wrote:WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AROUND KIDS!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? I never expected a nuturing environment, in fact, I had **** expected that every **** 3rd that was **** posted would be some **** swearin'.

Posting "fuck" between every fucking post does not fucking make you look fucking mature. Actually, it makes you resemble a fucktard, which we will fucking make fun of in every fucking post we fucking make.
So fuck off.