Faithful Followers

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Savannah is learning about satire in her English class. I'm so proud of her example of satire. I've taught my kids well!

West Orange High School is planning
a new and improved standardized testing for the upcoming school year. The department of Published Paper, DPP, has
come up with an astonishing new material to replace paper. It is literally bullet proof. While students are testing they will be able
to withstand a blast from a hydrogen bomb (if they cover themselves completely
with the test). Founders of the DPP have
discovered an endangered tree in Greenland, which grows wood stronger than a
brick wall. They have been able to
process this wood into thin sheets of paper just for school testing
packets. Government officials know how
important it is for students to have the best paper in the world. Alan Parkins, Director of Paper and Paper-Related Products Like Staples, but not Markers
at DPP is excited about the new discovery. “This is the biggest invention in
the paper industry since we stopped drawing on cave walls and started pounding
papyrus!”

With this new paper, teachers no long have to
give instruction. All they have to do is give out tests, and the children love it!
Sophomore Damon Farren says, “I love these new tests! I don’t ever have to worry about getting hurt
from any dangers that I may encounter at school. With this new “cut-free”
designed paper, there will be no more unnecessary trips to the hospital. Ms.
Goldblum, teacher at West Orange High School is elated. “Last year, I sustained
a paper cut while administering a benchmark exam and was on workman’s comp. for
8 weeks while I healed.” This new paper will save the school district untold
millions in health-related costs.

Children around
the world will finally be able to test at ease knowing that their paper could
survive a nuclear holocaust.