Are You Killing Yourself In The Toilet

Updated on May 18, 2015

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Two Greatest Innovations On Earth

This is wicked. Are you killing yourself in the toilet? I don’t mean deliberately committing suicide, but close to it, ignorantly. Well, before I go any further, I better assure you that I am just joking.

Perhaps the greatest technological innovations the past few decades were the mobile phone, under various names in different parts of the world, and the internet. And when these two innovations metamorphosed into smart phones and Wi-Fi, the whole world became one. And when they complemented each other and jelled into one enormous information hub, the combined synergistic forces became humongous! The huge impact on humans from these two technological marvels cut across nations and cultures. But what has this got to do with my topic “Are you killing yourself in the toilet?” you may ask. Well, well.

My Chronic Bowel Problem

I have this chronic bowel problem all my life. I tell this joke very frequently; that my rectum is like a tube of toothpaste. The toothpaste comes out continuously when squeezed. And there is always some toothpaste left inside the tube each time I use it. I have persistent soft stool that never seems to finish emptying, and to aggravate further, it empties at a very slow pace too. This results in my sitting on my throne a long time for each session. The average period is about 30 minutes. So each time instead of wasting my time just sitting, I have cultivated a good habit of making good use of the idle time. What did I do? I practice mental exercise. This is the time when inspirational thoughts suddenly emerge, be they topics for my articles or some brilliant solutions for whatever problems I may have. So you see, I didn’t waste my time sitting on my throne for such a long period each day, sometimes more than once.

How Much Time Do You Spend In The Toilet

As for you people out there, your average “throne- sitting” session is most probably about 5 minutes. Well and good. That was before something happened to your usual routine sitting. Are you now spending more time in your “throne-sitting” sessions? If you are the average trendy cyber surfer with your latest smart phone model, then welcome to the club. Do you sit with your smart phone in the palms of your hands? First, it was just watching the youtube videos. Then you couldn’t wait to type in your comments on facebook. Now it is just business as usual, sitting, watching and typing. You are now lost in cyber space. Instead of the usual 5 minutes, you have wasted much more time sitting there even though you have finished your business a long time ago!

Take a look at the interesting picture below. It started with just doing the business; 5 minutes. That’s all. Then with the introduction of the mobile phone, you spent the extra 10 minutes chatting with your contacts. The advent of the Wi-Fi changed our lifestyle drastically. Now you spend an extra 30 minutes sitting there not doing the actual job, which had already been completed long time ago. A total of 45 minutes in the toilet, which otherwise would be only 5 minutes. You stopped not because you have had enough, but your gadget ran out of power. A habit done over a period of time will become an addiction. When you are addicted to fiddling with your smart phone you will never have enough of it. So you become smarter like the smart phone, and you plug in to recharge your smart phone with a “power pack” or better still, you plug into the wall plug of the toilet. Now you have the whole world in your palms forever. This I would term it as stage 3 of your addiction. Like cancer classification, the most frightening stage will be stage 4; terminal! When the addiction is attacked by a super bug classified as “f”, then you are in real trouble. If you are in this group of people I described here, which stage of addiction are you in, my friend?

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Wait A Minute, This Is A Good One

It is a matter of perception and logical interpretation. Have you ever thought of this? The symbol of a "cross" can mean many things or convey many different messages. Who said it must be a "death" symbol? This is the comment from one of the readers in the facebook where I found the picture:

"Using Facebook on a recharging mobile phone with wireless connectivity while using the toilet results in Christianity? I must be doing something very wrong..."

As For Me

Now, my situation is very different. I actually benefitted from the appearance of the smart phone and Wi-Fi while sitting on my throne. If you can recall, I spend about 30 minutes in the toilet for good and unavoidable reason. Instead of just spending my time contemplating about life and the world, I can now keep company with my smart phone via Wi-Fi. I do not sacrifice my time in the toilet. The time spend is about the same, but I get to surf the net and be in touch with the world.

As For You

As for you, my friend, if you fall into this category of, from 5 minutes to infinity, then you ought to rethink whether this addiction is worth your while. If not for this addiction of smart phone-Wi-Fi syndrome, you would have finished your business in just five minutes. And after that, you will be able to enjoy your valuable time surfing the net on your favorite chair and breathing fresh air. Why choose to sit on the toilet, in unhygienic condition (you know what I mean) breathing foul air when you actually got a good healthy choice? It all boils down to bad habit being degenerated into bad addiction. Peace be with you!

Comments 4 comments

I love your sense of humor with regards to your bowel issue. Glad you have new technology to get your time back.

Good Guy 19 months ago from Malaysia Author

Hi Linda,

I am a joker. Sometimes landed me in trouble for unwittingly offended others with my jokes. LOL!! Thanks for the encouragement.

Minnetonka Twin 19 months ago from Minnesota

We need more humor in today's crazy times. I appreciate your jokes and good sense of humor.

Good Guy 19 months ago from Malaysia Author

Hi Linda,

This article may appear to be a light banter, but if you think deeply, there is an element of danger and truth in this. Not that anyone may become a Christian, but landed oneself in heaven or hell!? LOL!!