The Jaffe Briefing - September 6, 2019

By JAFFE COMMUNICATIONS

September 6, 2019 at 10:29 AM

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Credits: File photo

By JAFFE COMMUNICATIONS

September 6, 2019 at 10:29 AM

DEPTFORD – It’s all good in Jersey this morning. That’s because we are now home to the largest amount of corn cobs on a single plant. It’s true! The Courier Post reports a local retiree has shattered a Guinness world record. It began when he noticed a particularly spry cornstalk over the summer, with 12, then 13, and then 14 cobs steadily growing. The final tally was a jaw-dropping 29 cobs, verified by Rutgers agricultural experts and forwarded to Guinness. The reply was immediate, declaring the Deptford man as the possessor of the world record, for this fleeting moment.

Photo: Jacovelli family (Facebook)

TRENTON – The average salaries paid to New Jersey’s public school teachers and administrators rose by an unimpressive 1 percent last year, but now Garden State educators should be reaping much more than a nice, red apple. An analysis by NJ Spotlight shows that the typical public school teacher in New Jersey will receive a 3.01 percent raise this year. That’s the biggest hike in a while, although still well below the increases enjoyed over the last decade when hikes of 4.5 percent or more were common. Go to NJ Spotlight and do the math.

WILDWOOD – It used to be “Watch the tram car please!” Now it should be “Watch the boardwalk, please!,” as city officials say the boardwalk is falling apart. It has gotten so bad that the the route for the yellow tram cars – in service since 1949 – has been shortened, just as Gov. Phil Murphy vetoed a $56 million plan for Wildwood, paid through 2033, to repair its aging boardwalk and the concrete footings. NJ.com says the governor deemed the bill “unconstitutional and unenforceable,” while city officials now scramble to see how they can repair one of the state’s biggest, and most iconic, tourist attractions.

AVENEL – If you build it, they will come. By “it” we mean a $50 million transit village, and what we mean by “they” is weekend NJ Transit trains. Suddenly, Avenel is the place to be. That has prompted NJ Transit to return weekend service to its freshly-renovated Avenel station, beginning Sunday, for the first time in 34 years. Avenel is returning to relevance following the opening of Station Village at Avenel – which opened 500 apartments and townhouses two years ago – and the Avenel Performing Arts Center. (Next performance: the world’s first all-male Carole King tribute.) All this hubbub is prompting NJ Transit to stop at the station 21 times on Saturdays, Sundays and holidays on its North Jersey Coastline. Township officials hope all these extra stops will encourage curious riders to hop off and see why there’s so much interest.

ABOVE NEW JERSEY – Little green men (or maybe gray) enjoy visiting the Garden State. A retired Air Force major, who spent years tracking UFOs as military intelligence officer, tells News12 NJ he knows for sure that aliens are real. George Filer also claims an extraterrestrial visitor was shot and killed in February 1978 by security officers at our very own McGuire Air Force Base. Filer now heads New Jersey’s chapter of the Mutual UFO Network and is busy hyping a new book that prominently features — what a shock! — himself. His UFO tracking network claims Jerseyans have reported seeing 1,923 UFOs since the 1990s. That sounds oddly precise.

IN THE MEDIA

IN THE NEWSROOM – If you don’t like what reporters write, get ‘em fired. That’s the latest Trump attack on the First Amendment, as his pals have launched an aggressive operation to discredit any news organizations deemed “hostile” to TrumpWorld. Yes, the U.S. is still a democracy, apparently, yet there is now an organized operation that freely admits to undercutting legitimate news reporting. Four people familiar with the operation described to The New York Times how it works, with a compiled dossiers of embarrassing social media posts and other public statements by hundreds of people who work at some of the country’s most prominent news organizations. The group has already released information about journalists at CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times — three outlets that slam Trump morning, noon and night. These operatives are now digging into a decade’s worth of public posts and statements, and are waiting to strategically release it all during the heat of the 2020 election. No longer are candidates attacking their opponents; they also want to shoot the messenger.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

BRADFORD, VT – A “Sasquatch” has never been seen in this quaint Vermont town, as far as anyone is willing to admit. Yet, Bigfoot is making Bradford, VT national news. How? Anonymous fliers were plastered all over town to debunk rumors that Sasquatch sightings are the real reason an 85-year-old steel bridge over Waits River is closed for a year. The flier says it’s definitely not due to “displacement of or intrusion on a Sasquatch or Bigfoot.” A Dartmouth College professor fueled Sasquatch rumors by posting the flier on Twitter, then giving TV interviews. State highway officials, however, tell NBC News the bridge is simply undergoing extensive repairs. The actual truth, however, may still be out there…

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 2017 that British media splashed this story across the headlines. It’s worth repeating: A guy named Liam Smyth picked up a girl on Tinder, bought her dinner and brought her back to his place to do the obvious. She excused herself and “went to do a poo.” But the toilet wouldn’t flush, the NY Post reports, so the woman panicked, reached into the toilet, wrapped her feces in tissue paper and threw it out the window. Then, it got weird. The bundle didn’t exactly make it out the window, falling between the window panes. Mortified, she had to notify her new friend of the problem. So the super couple returned to the bathroom and decided to lift her up and into the window to grab the turd. Then, it got weirder. She became stuck in the window. Smythe spent 15 minutes trying to get her out before giving up and calling the fire department. Firefighters shattered the window, releasing the poo and grabbing the woman. Smythe then set up a GoFundMe campaign to buy a new window. He raised the money, and more, in 24 months.

WORD OF THE DAY

Soi-disant – [swah-dee-ZAHN] – adjective

Definition: Self-proclaimed; so-called

Example: There were a lot of soi-disant experts, offering suggestions on how to remove the woman from the window.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge.”

- Don Henley

WEATHER IN A WORD

Cool

THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun

Editor's Note: Jaffe Communications is the franchisee/publisher of TAPinto New Brunswick.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

STATEWIDE – An alleged shortage of White Claw hard seltzer could mean one of two things: Either the company’s complete misunderstanding of supply v. demand, or one of the most coordinated schemes of marketing genius ever seen. With a “shortage” of this tasteless, yet strangely popular, alcoholic drink, timed perfectly at the end of this “White Claw Summer” – when many of us booze bags ...

STATEWIDE – An alleged shortage of White Claw hard seltzer could mean one of two things: Either the ...

MILFORD – Crazy New Jerseyans are always in the news. Like in Westerly, RI., where a 26-year-old guy from Milford broke into Taylor Swift’s waterfront home to kick off the Labor Day weekend. He made sure to take his shoes off, as he told police he wanted “to be polite” as he ruffled around the megastar’s private enclave, The Westerly Sun reports. The New Jerseyan hopped the fence and somehow got ...

MILFORD – Crazy New Jerseyans are always in the news. Like in Westerly, RI., where a 26-year-old ...

STATEWIDE – It is Back to School, and for many kids, it is the sad return to the hallways, locker rooms and lunch tables, all bastions for bullying. And it’s no longer just about an ill-timed wedgie. Cyber-bullying follows students home and continues every waking hour that he or she looks at Instagram, Snapchat and any other social media app that alienates. We offer a special, Back to School ...

STATEWIDE – It is Back to School, and for many kids, it is the sad return to the hallways, locker ...

DOWN THE SHORE – Still enjoying that summer place in Lavallette, Long Branch or maybe LBI? Well, get out while you can. You can probably still find an unwitting buyer who hasn’t perused the latest issue of Science Magazine, with a study that says your waterfront get-away will ultimately be swimming with the fishes. A pair of Harvard and Stanford University scientists say shore dwellers “must move ...

DOWN THE SHORE – Still enjoying that summer place in Lavallette, Long Branch or maybe LBI? Well, ...

The Jaffe Briefing will be on vacation Monday, August 26, returning Tuesday, Sept. 3

NEWARK – City officials to downtown businesses: Stay away Monday. That’s the blunt message, as the city scrambles to host MTV’s Video Music Awards on Monday night at the Prudential Center. This is an unbelievable opportunity to show that the Brick City can accommodate a national spectacle, just like that other ...

The Jaffe Briefing will be on vacation Monday, August 26, returning Tuesday, Sept. 3

The Jaffe Briefing will be on vacation Monday, August 26, returning Tuesday, Sept. 3

JERSEY CITY – You live here, and you just want to get some sleep. But the city is home to a growing number of Airbnb homes; the ideal place for penny-pinching tourists eager to flee the NYC hotel rates. The Record reports that Airbnb has hijacked many local neighborhoods, with tourists shining flashlights into ...

The Jaffe Briefing will be on vacation Monday, August 26, returning Tuesday, Sept. 3

COLTS NECK – First, a word from America’s lousiest tipper. You may recall how state Sen. Declan O’Scanlon went on social media to out a customer at a Colts Neck restaurant who tipped only 74 cents on a $119 tab. Now, the tipper is telling the Asbury Park Press that he would have tipped even less, if that is possible. Even just a penny! And why? The guy complains that it took up to 15 minutes ...

COLTS NECK – First, a word from America’s lousiest tipper. You may recall how state Sen. Declan ...

DOWN THE SHORE – The New York Times has this all-too-common move when it comes to its aloof coverage of New Jersey. It swoops in on an over-reported trend story, and writes it like it is the first time any of us heard about such “news.” Apparently, nothing happens officially in New Jersey until The New York Times deems it so. Anyway, why this rant? The newspaper of record reported this weekend ...

DOWN THE SHORE – The New York Times has this all-too-common move when it comes to its aloof ...

CHERRY HILL – Hard to tell when tuna fish became so darn punitive, but that may be the punishment for local students who run a debt in the cafeteria. The Philly Inquirer reports the school district wants to crack down on deadbeats. If a kid amasses a $10 debt, he or she gets slapped with a tuna fish sandwich for lunch. If the bill grows to $20, the kid goes hungry. School officials have announced ...

CHERRY HILL – Hard to tell when tuna fish became so darn punitive, but that may be the punishment ...

NEWARK – KISS came to Newark last night; our curious writers were there. Some takeaways: Fun, cheesy, loud and a real throwback to another era. KISS gives exactly what you expect: 1970s-era pyrotechnics, outrageous outfits, blood, and long solos to remind everyone they are real musicians. Some startling notes for the KISS Army: Paul Stanley still looks super cool, but must stop speaking. He ...