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Thursday, March 19, 2009

This afternoon I decided I was going to run away from home. Brooklyn doesn't nap anymore and hasn't for a long time. However, she sometimes falls asleep in the early evening before bedtime. Then she'll wake up around 10:00 PM and be wide awake party-girl for hours. She did this last night. She finally fell asleep at 2:00 AM. No problem except I didn't get any work done last night, so I attempted to do it today. Big mistake. Big. Huge. Brooklyn was stroppy (I was talking to friend from across the pond last night. I'm being British today.) because she didn't get enough sleep last night so she spent the morning whining. I mean, more than usual. Clay saw this as an opportunity to make me insane bug her and make her scream all day. Those two usually get along smashingly.

Because I was trying to work, Clay decided to do a 'speriment. This experiment of his consisted of filling a huge bowl with water.

He did this in his bedroom.

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

To this bowl, he added a variety of things. I was going to list them all, but I think it'll be more fun to make a contest out of it. I haven't done a gross food find contest in a while. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think he put in this 'speriment of his to win a $10 Dunkin' Donuts card. The first person to guess all the ingredients will win. Or if no one gets it right, the first person to guess the most ingredients will win. I'll announce the winner on Monday.

When I saw it, I calmly asked, "CLAYTON!!! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!!! I THOUGHT YOU AND BROOKLYN WERE PLAYING IN THERE! WHAT IS THIS??? WHY, WHY WHYYYYYY???!!!!"

He looked at me, taken aback, then he proudly announced, "It's my 'speriment!"

"Your 'speriment? What kind of experiment is this? Why did you do this?"

"I wanted to see it explode," came his simple answer.

"You wanted to see it explode? Did you think a bowl of [these ingredients] would explode???"

"Yes."

"Brilliant." sigh "Clayton, what am I going to do with you? Take this outside please. Now."

I basically accomplished nothing all day other than baking 50,000 cookies for Lexi's Brownie meeting tonight. It's International Night which means every troop selects a country and brings food to represent their country. At least I don't have to cook dinner tonight. Actually, scratch that. It was my goal to bake 50,000 cookies, but I only made about 50 because I had to stop too many times to yell at talk to the kids.

I left Austin and Savannah in charge of the two little ones for ten minutes while I picked the middle kids up from school. I got two phone calls from Savannah while I was gone. Two calls in ten minutes. Two calls complaining that Austin was being mean to Clay and that Austin was hitting her.

When I got home, both she and Austin were in tears. I learned my lesson years ago about trying to figure out who started it and who did what to whom. They were both sent to their rooms. On the bright side, I can count on one hand the times that those two have fought. They actually get along swimmingly. Unfortunately, the few times they have fought have been brutal. I may have to ground them until next year.

When Lex got home from school and took off her coat, I saw that she was wearing a sundress. It was 40 here today. How did I not notice that this morning??? Oh yeah, I hadn't had my coffee yet. Her teacher must think I'm an idiot.

Jackson had the orchestra presentation at school yesterday. You know, the one where they come in and let the kids try out the instruments and then say stuff like, "Don't you want to join orchestra? Tell your parents you want to join orchestra. Come on, all the cool kids are doing it. If your parents love you, they'll let you join." So Jackson's been badgering me non-stop about letting him join orchestra. I don't, quite frankly, have the money to put out on yet another instrument right now. Plus, I know Jackson and I know he'll get bored with it in a couple weeks. None of his friends are doing it and I know Jackson will be bummed about that. In order to join orchestra, you need to sign up for summer school. I don't like putting the kids in summer school. I like having free time over the summer. I like being able to pick up and go to the zoo, camping, vacation, field trips, picnics, parks, whatever. I know Jackson will be mad come this summer when he has to go to school, whether he admits it or not. And I know the other kids would be resentful that we couldn't take off and do anything because Jackson has to stay and go to school.

Anyway, because I told him, "Not this year," he started throwing things around the house while telling me how much he hated me and what a bad mother I am.

When Joe got home, I told him, "Have fun with YOUR children. I'm running away." Then I made a quick escape. Of course, a few minutes after I left, I got the text that Savannah's softball bag was in my van. She was on her way to practice. "I give up," I muttered to myself. I can't even run away for 10 minutes.

You cant be the worst mom. I have been telling my kids for years (usually when they ask me why I won't let them do something, like play in the street, stay up all night or have candy for breakfast) That I can't say yes, because I am trying to win that darn meanest mom trophy, and other moms keep trying to win it, but this is my year. LOL

Wow--what a fun day! My little one just turned 3 and I am always reminded of him when I read about Brooklyn & Clay. He's a combo of the two. I'm gonna guess the "speriment" had marshmallows, soap, crackers, and capn crunch cereal. That's usually about what ends up in my Anthony's apple juice when he gets bored.

I think there's a rule written somewhere that clearly states: "when a mother wishes to take a day off she must first wait for her youngest child to graduate high school in order to be eligible to approve the request." That seemed to be how it worked for me, anyway.Just for the fun of it, I'll take a shot at Clayton's "speriment."hot cocoa mix with mini marshmallows, instant apple cinnamon oatmeal, and dishwashing liquid. (Blend all ingredients well and bake in a 350 degree oven for 75 minutes or until hard as a brick...inedible but fully self-cleaning. ;)

WOW I just noticed countdown until I can run and buy your book... I honestly have no clue, but an going to take a chance, how about cookie, peas, some sort of cleaner or liquid soap, and something chocolate... I don't know LOL

i think i see bananas in the 'speriment. i have to confess i used to make concoctions in the sink too...i used up my mom's bottle of nair and she scared me away from it for life by telling me it removes ALL hair FOREVER!

My guess on the "speriment" is soda (or pop depending where you are from), marshmallows, bananas and soap. And as far as running away goes, your kids will always seem to find you. Hang in there and keep smiling!!!

well, that stuff floating in between the SOAP SUDS looked like CORN POPS, and the black stuff looks like DIRT OR POTTING SOIL. if i'm a little boy, and i want that stuff to explode, i'm thinking some kind of soda, maybe COKE, and that flat stuff looks like some kind of cracker, maybe CHEESE NIPS.

I am new to reading your blog- I have 3 girls of my own and just die laughing at your posts! I have sent your link to a bunch of my firends who just need a laugh about being a mom( we're all in this together!).I think his 'speriment was water, foamy hand soap, some sort of vinegar maybe, marshmallows, pee (always a favorite in my house), and dirt. Oh, and he probably had to mix it with a dirty sock- that's a necessity!

I'm with Rose--Stop by Albuquerque, NM on your way out of town. I have 2 teens and one is learning how to drive....Augh! Her brother already has his license and being a good brother he allows his sister to drive MY CAR once in awhile. He makes her pay him for the priviledge?! What is that about? It's MY CAR!!!! sheesh. Mary Mother of God! It is MY Car!!! I allow my son to borrow it to get to school and work.

You can't be the worst mommy..... I am. I have been cultivating for this award for years. I am not about to give it up that easy.

Your picture----Spit and corn. Quite the sperimant. Have a great day :) I will be the worst mommy out on the corner when you cruise by in Albuquerque, NM. Stop by anytime.

You can find me in the phone book under Glenn and Pam Tucker, make haste I am getting tired and the weather here sucks right now. It is buck cold.

I feel so famous! I feel like I should have prepared an acceptance speech being mentioned on your blog! (British friend from over the pond for those who may have missed pretty much the most important part of this post!)

I wonder if my mum was the only mum who gave their kid a spray bottle of water and a flannel (I think you call this washing cloth) to clean things such as the outside of the house or the pavement (you call this sidewalk) to keep them out of trouble.

I'm just glad my mum didn't have a blog. Shall I share one of what could have been my mum's blog entries? I know, this is your blog but hey, I have enough embarrassing moments on my own blog from present day - no need to alert my readers (both of them) to the fact I have always been this way... so... here it is...

At the bottom of the stairs to our house was a door and to the side a window. Well, somehow the window had broken. My sister and I would climb out the window instead of using the door for the few days it was broken. It was great for two little kids (I think I was 5) who had better things to do than take precious time from their busy lives than to open a door. [I think she put a board in it at night but we took it out in the day for the light].

Well, she was very house proud, my mum, and was having her church friends round for an evening and without telling me (because really I should be consulted about everything) had the glass replaced in my window. So, her friends were all round and she had music on and was giving everyone something wonderful she'd cooked (she was an excellent cook - this clearly skips a generation) when I (supergirl) came running down the stairs, leaping through the window - which now had glass in it. Ouch!

I don't remember exactly what happened after that but I do have distinct memories of having glass picked out of my face and arms whilst sitting atop the kitchen table. I'm sure she was so proud. I bet no one else had entertainment like that at their get-togethers.

Anyway, I'm not going to guess on the contents of the bowl. It doesn't look pretty though so um... yeah. And I've learned that not many bloggy give-aways send prizes across the pond (not that we have Dunkin Doughnuts in England anyway). But, if he'd like to know how to make an explosion, give him my email. I'm sure I can help him come up with something better! he he he

I'm not even gonna *try* to guess- I have 4 boys of my own who enjoy "'speriments". I know enough to leave well enough alone and not ask questions about the ingredients... not to mention that I have a weak stomach!

God bless and better luck with your next attempt. Your welcome in sunny Florida, if you need a place to "run away" to!

And you wouldn't believe all the students I saw here at the college where I work walking around yesterday in flip-flops, shorts, capris, short-sleeved shirts and/or tank tops. And these are COLLEGE kids who should know enough to turn on the news for three minutes before they leave the house. So Lexi wasn't alone!

When my kids were little, I used to sing "mommy's going to run away" in a lullaby. Now that they are 5 and 6, I've started singing that same song again.Oh, and did you know that Fantasy Airlines has great rates for moms that are running away? And they offer one way tickets ;)

About orchestra, our teacher tried to talk my daughter Cassidy into something other than playing clarinet. Thankfully I was in on this meeting, because I looked the teacher right in the eyes and said "NO, she will play clarinet, because I've already paid for it and I refuse to pay for another instrument." To which she replied "OK, Cassidy, you're playing Clarinet." Smart teacher!

I just read about you in Guideposts and had to come check out your blog. My two kids have spent their morning spilling oatmeal, milk and water, and smushing Play Doh into the cracks in the hardwood floor, and as I sat and read the article in Guideposts, one of them dropped a peeled banana into the catbowl. And somehow, after reading your article, it was hysterically funny.

At first I tried to get in Clay's head to try and figure out what he might have thought would create an explosion. That didn't get me anywhere, so this guess is based purely on what I think I see in the (Tupperware :)) bowl:

waterpeppercinnamonsoapbananaswheat thin type crackerpancake syrup

(I wanted to guess dirt instead of cinnamon and pepper, but I didn't think Clay would have ventured into the 40 degree weather just to get dirt for his 'speriment)

I didn't even read all 66 comments before me, but my guess is marshmallows, chocolate syrup, soap and probably something else squeezable too like jelly or toothpaste. Gross. But Dawn, it's not in the fridge, is it? My daughter would stock the freezer up with little "potions" for their werewolf games...yup, that's my kids.

cotton balls, nilla wafers, I think grahm crackers, soap, definitely marshmallows, oh! I just looked at first picture and there is a bobby pin, hmmmm im trying to think, because something is turning the water brown. (if not all the other ingredients)

I'm not even going to try and guess, 'cause just one quick glance made me queasy! Mine used to do 'speriments with rocks, and dirt and such, but she never really ventured into the kitchen cabinets... thank goodness!

I've had days were I wanted to run away too with only one kid, (then there's the six pets... they get on my nerves too!!) I'm sorry that your great escape didn't work. I never make it much further than the garage, 'cause I have no one to leave her with.

Here's a question for Sunday: at what age did your kids stop napping? My boys started fighting it around 3, but I have friends whose 5 year olds still nap. I understand all kids are different, and I still try to get my 3 year old to nap. I get frustrated, though, when it takes 45 minutes to get him to fall asleep.

I think the experiment has marmallows and crackers in it, not sure about the rest. I feel for you...my 6 yr.old today was proud of herself when she took an empty 2liter bottle, filled it with water, and added a koolaid packet so it turned a pretty light purple. And, of course, she drank some of it. I hope your son didn't try his experiment!

"Really? You think I'm the WORST? Yes! Woo Hoo!!! I'm the worst mother EVER!" (Cheering like that really ticks them off.)Little bit of a smart a$$ are we? I'll have to remember that for Wolverteen later. I will be needing it!

Can I run away with you? First I need to pack, which means I need to take the clothes out of the dryer. Then I'll pack, after I reorganize the closet in order to find a suitcase. Then I need to, oh forget it. Running away is too much work, I'm taking a nap instead.

I'm sure someone's guessed the correct gross combination by now, so I'll just say this: My book came yesterday! I couldn't put it down! I read it all in one sitting, and at one point, I was laughing so hard, I couldn't stop (I was really tired, but that's beside the point). My DH was looking at me like I had landed from another planet.

Now, I know the stuff you write about your kids is hysterical (I turn to your blog every day to remind me to laugh at my life), but the chapter about Joe and his trip to "help" you with your Christmas shopping was priceless! So true! At least you have some estrogen in the house with you...I'm all alone with only boys except for a cranky Siamese cat who is also a girl. I feel like running away almost every other day.

No pressure, but I can't wait for Book #2. It's done, right? You sure know how to ensure repeat customers!

Congratulations, and thanks for helping so many moms smile (and snarf tea out of their nose!).

I'll guess: mini marshmallows (although I was also thinking they could be macadamia nuts or scallops, but I am not sure if either of those float, lol and both of those ingredients would make it a very expensive "speriment"! Clay's lab must be well funded!)liquid soapcheese (American, I think)dirt and grassa dash of pepperDr. Pepper or Coke

Hi Dawn: Hang in there kid! Nearly 60 years ago, I )as an ONLY CHILD) was also curious about how various items around the house might interact) Now, I am a retired biochemist. I wonder if there is any corelation between my early "sperimentation" and my eventual career choice.Mom was an elementary school principal,while Dad owned a plumbing business. So, Mom was a total wash when it came to providing ingredients,but Dad had bottles of special acids used for clearing massive drains. Dangerous?You betcha!Mom though,had a special trick she used with great success. TEARS! Followed by an explanation about finances. She attached a dollar amount to my wasterfulness.Thus far, I have NOT seen mentioned attempts to show the kiddies how much money is being wasted(money which might have been used to buy THEM some special treat) Failing that, you might also try Mom's TEAR TRICK.Best of luck and good wishes always,

So when you mentioned that your son started throwing things around, sad as this is, it made me feel better. Here's why...my 7 year old son does that when he doesn't get his way and it's such a struggle when he acts that way. I just want to pop him upside the head...how do you deal with your son when he does things like that?

Oh Dawn...your first "worst mom" accusation. I'm so proud. And so horrified that you have to do the adolescence thing six times. I'm on my second of three (she's 14) and I'm seriously considering leaving when the third one turns 12. That will be in exactly 5 1/2 years. Call me, we can go all Thelma and Louise together.