WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET A TRAFFIC TICKETThis advice was sent by a retired State Farm agent! This system has been tried and it works in every state.

If you get a speeding ticket or went through a red light, or whatever the case may be, you're going to get points on your license and a surcharge on your auto insurance. This is a method to ensure that you DO NOT get the points.

When you get your fine, send in a check to pay for it. If the fine is $79.00 make the check out for $82.00 some small amount over the fine. The system will then have to send you back a check for the difference, however, here is the trick. DO NOT CASH THE REFUND CHECK! Throw it away!Points are not assessed to your license until all financial transactions are complete.

If you do not cash the check, then the transactions are NOT complete. The system has received its moneyand is satisfied and will no longer bother you.

This information comes from an unmentionable computer company that sets up the standard databases used by every state. Send this to everyone you know. You never know when they may need a break.

Railroads: Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells? ... read to the end... it was a new one for me

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

Now the twist to the storyWhen you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's butt.

Try entering your billing address without the "Plus 4" of your zip code. Then you'll be back in business.

Sorry, but that little SNAFU explains my stale blog, also the usual Christmas excuses plus the unusual excuse of getting to help my friend bring his catamaran sailboat yacht home from the broker in Bradenton. Which was very, VERY cool, despite 20 knot head winds and cold (for Florida). The picture is not kilowatt's boat, but one a lot like it.

My sweep Aunty Betty gave me some family history stuff from turn of the century Kansas City, stuff so cool I may need to build a blog site just for it. Thanks, Aunt Betty, you're the best!

From time to time I get emails saying "Check this out! AWESOME!!!" But, of course, there's nothing attached, and nothing in the body of the email. When I asked cher cousin Buzz to send the AWESOME PIC again, he replied:

How the f**k do you do that???? It is already attached to the email I'm
forwarding. HELP!!!

So I sent this. It's geared to Outlook Express users. You Mac Pod People and AOLers are on your own.

First, you want to set up a new file in MY DOCUMENTS before you get here
called something like "Internet Bullshit" or "Things I hope Shelia never
finds" or, if you want to make sure everybody sees it, "Secret." Click on
MY DOCUMENTS then File--->New ---> Folder --->then type over "new folder"
with "secret internet downloads" or whatever.

Then go back to the email you received.

When it's an attachment to you, with the paper-clip thingy in the upper
right corner, click on the paperclip and you have an option to "save
attachments". If you click that, it will pop-up with a schematic of your
filemanager, with the default save location somewhere in the bowels of your
windows temporary directory, which is a difficult place in which to find
things. So just click around using the up or back arrow on the dialog box
until you get it all the way up to MY DOCUMENTS, then click back down to the
folder you created, "secret internet downloads". Click OK, then you'll be
sent back to the dialog box and you click SAVE.

Easy so far, right?

Then hit the forward button, put the names of all your ne'er-do-well friends
and cousins in the TO box, and click the attachment paperclip. Find your
way to "secret internet downloads", double click the file, and voila!

Then one more thing: folks are very leery of viruses coming to them in
attachments, so don't send a message without any text in the body. Type
something that will identify yourself, anything, so long as it isn't
something a virus might get a hold of or do automatically. In other words,
don't copy the file name or write "check this out." Something like "we're
diggin' this in KC" would be good.

Etiquette. It's considered rude among the digital peoples to leave the
email addresses of all the people you got it from intact on the forward.
This is because you're sending valid email addresses to God-knows-who and if
it gets forwarded enough, a hacker or spammer will get a hold of them.

Can you, gentle reader, confirm for me in the comments below if this is the new Iraqi flag?

I like it.

While I was there, I read today's post by the Iraqi citizen who writes the blog. The guy has such clarity. To wit:

Another coward aggression in a series of terrorist attacks that targeted the officials in the new government as well as IP, the new army and the ICDC. It has become more than obvious that the purpose of these terrorist attacks is to prevent the emergence of the new, free and democratic Iraqi government. This government represents the most threatening danger to the successors of Saddam’s mentality, and also to Bin ladin’s followers and the dictatorships that surround Iraq. As the date of handing the authority and afterwards the elections gets closer, these criminals get more and more insane to the degree that it no longer can be concealed. This is shown through targeting not only the infrastructure that serves the Iraqi citizen, but also the citizen himself. This citizen has become ready and supportive of the peaceful handover of the authority in a civilized manner, and I can see through smoke and blood that we are winning this battle, we who believe in freedom and democracy and the simple citizen who hopes to be able to choose a leadership that represent him and care about his needs.

We've all heard about "street smart," maybe we need to also be "parking lot smart" Remember these during our shorter, darker days! Please take the time to read this. I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm, I must remember that." After reading this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! (The Happy Carpenter says "Screw that. If you can, SHOOT THE BASTARD. If you have the misfortune to be unarmed (shame on you) then RUN. Don't mess around with elbows unless you've already been grabbed. Remember, shoot first, then run, then perfect your story.)

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! (The Happy Carpenter says "Then wait for him to turn around and face you before you shoot him. Shots in the back can be difficult to explain to the police.")

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back Tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

D.) Have your key in your hand before you walk outside. Don't be digging in your purse with your head down while you're at your most vulnerable. Think ahead, and make it a habit.

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

If you, like me, were wondering just what the “5 Pillars of Islam” were, I finally came across them in an article on line, http://eng.kavkaz.memo.ru/printenc/engencyclopedia/id/592527.html , Islam in Russia.

The Muslim cult is based on the five basic requirements ("pillars of faith"):
1. Practicing the faith - pronouncing the shahadah (declaration of faith): "There is no God but Allah; Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah".
2. The five daily prayers (namaz or salah/salat).
3. The dawn-to-sunset fast during the month of Ramadan (uraza/roza or sawm).
4. Obligatory "purifying" alms (zakat/zakah).
5. The pilgrimage to Mecca (hajj).

Seen at low tide

HummingbirdFinally, my first hummingbirds. Saw them on a fire bush in Crystal Beach, FL. My rental's neighbor's yard is all xeriscaped, which is ugly to me but just fine with the little hummers. At first, I thought they were the biggest hornets I'd ever seen.

Flamingo!One of these dudes flew right over my house. I couldn't believe it. And please don't tell me it was a roseated spoonbill because it was a frickin' flamingo, dude! Huge and pink and right there above me. I was like so freaking out, you know?

Black SkimmerThese beauties are getting scarce, but one flew by yesterday at low tide on the hunt for minnows.

Dead sea turtlecool, but smelly

Reddish EgretThese have been hanging out around the pool quite a bit lately. Must be a new group of adolesent birds -- the youngsters like to hunt where the water is clear, and it takes them a day to figure out there are not now and never will be fish in the swimming pool no matter how clear the water.

Sand Piper

Brown PelicanI saw a flock of about 200 of these at Disappearing Island yesterday, just south of Anclote Island on the west coast of FL. Good to see such a large flock.

Wood PeckerThey've developed a sudden interest in the orange tree, which just went into bloom.