A mid 40's young widower. Trying to find my new path in life and navigating the dating waters.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Giving Yourself Permission to Forgive Yourself

I’m not feeling 100% healthy today and I have a company dinner tonight I should attend. I don’t NEED to attend, but I’m a cheapskate and can’t turn down a free meal. Besides, it will force me to stay on this side of town after work and get some grocery shopping done.

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There is another wonderful post by Becky over at InterstellarOrchard about Giving Yourself Permission. So very hard for me! I would also add Forgiving Yourself for Past Mistakes to the list of difficult things for me to do.

So very often I am held back for lack of self-permission or guilt over past experiences. A great example of this was last Sunday night. I went to a singer/songwriter event at a private residence. A bunch of people sharing poems, writings, songs….a wonderful exchange of non-judgmental expression.

I just sat there and listened. I had a great time. But what would have happened if I stood up in front of my peers and sang a little song “a cappella” ? I have so much fear of standing alone and expressing myself! All eyes directed on me!

These people don’t care if I can sing well, or if I sound like Oscar the Grouch. Lord knows there were plenty of people there that night that couldn’t carry a tune… but they got up anyway. .I know I can sing. I can sing Karaoke like nobody’s business. I sing in a garage band with a bunch of other middle aged Tech guys. I’m not a great singer, but I can carry a tune.

So why can’t I give myself permission to stand up in front of a warm and caring group of friends that support and encourage me every day? What past failure might be keeping me in my seat?

How often does this lack of permission and forgiveness affect my daily routine? What else in life am I missing out on? Am I blocking off entire possible life paths because of a lack of permission? How high could I soar with permission and forgiveness? How open towards life could I become?