This is the year of being ok. 2010 was a very difficult year for myself, my clients, my family, and my friends. If I were to encapsulate a message for the New Year based on the collective thread of anxiety and dread that has been running through us all is that.

You are OK.

I don’t give a shit if that sounds too airy fairy. You can make all the fun that you want about the simple act of affirming to yourself

I am OK

But if contempt is the first thing that comes up in response to the idea, you’ve got a problem.

YOU are OK

doesn’t mean you can’t improve. Doesn’t mean you didn’t make mistakes. Doesn’t mean that you can’t do better. It’s not letting yourself off of the hook. But if you are always saying something different besides

I am OK

like “I’m shit” “I’m stupid” “I’m not a good person” perhaps, then you aren’t even on the hook.

If you tell yourself that you are shit, then you can just give up and stop trying. Perfectionism is the perfect ruse for the parts of us that are lazy and frightened.

And you only tell yourself that you are shit when you are expecting yourself to be perfect.

And then you stop trying.

So why don’t you do everyone a favor, and give up the luxury of perfectionism and self blame, and come down to earth and be an imperfect but lovable mess like the rest of us? This is the way to actually get somewhere. And you will not get perfect, but you will get better. Even if bad things happen that cause you to feel sad and frightened and unequipped. Because all you need is to start beating yourself up with old self-hate in already tough times.