Dallas attorney Jamey Newberg has been covering the Texas Rangers, from the big club down through the entire farm system, since 1998. His website can be found at www.newbergreport.com.

THE NEWBERG REPORT — DECEMBER 17, 2006

THE NOUVEAU-BERGERON REPORT

That clown Newberg doesn’t seem to write these days unless it’s to hawk his book. Lame. He sent reports out on December 11, 12, and 13, but c’mon — let’s have some more baseball content. Hey, I check those DFW papers out from time to time — there’s been a column or two this week that pretty much had nothing to say. Fill some space, Newberg. No news is no excuse.

Why don’t you write about Vernon Wells and how my guys just made him a $126 million Blue Jay for life? (Yeah, he can opt out after 2011, but with three years remaining at that point at $21 million each, c’mon. He’s not going anywhere.) Newberg likes to write about Wells eventually coming home to Arlington, about how he and Michael Young will play together in Texas someday, just as they did with St. Catharines and Hagerstown and Dunedin.

Only way that’s going to happen, my Rangers friends, is if Wells opts out at age 33, leaving $63 million on the table, and Young has locked up with Texas for life himself. Because Young’s own deal will have expired three years before that. Like Mark Teixeira, Young can hit free agency after the 2008 season. (Can the Rangers really let either of those guys go?)

Newberg was probably getting ready to write something about how Wells was on the guest list for Teixeira’s charity poker tournament in Arlington on Friday. Maybe one of those corny "vision" pieces of his, with Teixeira and Wells and Young wearing Ranger red together. But Wells signed his lifetime deal that same night. Sorry about that, Newberg. Boo hoo.

So what’s it gonna be, Texas? A year from now, Young will be a year away from free agency, just as Wells was a week ago. Will you pay him market value, whatever that is? Would Young even take market value unless the Rangers are winning and built to stay that way?

Or do I get to start thinking about which of Wells and Young is going to give up number 10 on his Blue Jays jersey?

Knowing how solid those guys are, wouldn’t surprise me to see them both relinquish number 10, out of respect for each other.

Know what? Wells can go back to Texas when his playing days are over, just like his dad did after a stint as a wide receiver in the Canadian Football League.

Just do me a favor, Rangers fans. You stole Young from us six years and four straight 200-hit seasons ago. You thought you were gonna steal Wells from us, too. Just lay off this time. No grassroots campaign to get your team to sign Young long-term. No bumper stickers. No talk show segments. Apathy is your friend!

Royce Clayton is our shortstop, for crying out loud. And there’s not a middle infielder anywhere in sight on our top prospects list. Let Michael Young come "home."

Now THAT would give Newberg something to write about, huh!

In the meantime, thanks a lot for signing Eric Gagne. He belongs in Toronto, too. You guys are allowed to develop Canadian closers (Jeff Zimmerman, Ryan Dempster) (Baltimore gets to raise Canadian starters [Erik Bedard, Adam Loewen]), but could you give us a break and get out of the way when they’re free agents? Gagne, pitching for another mega-contract, could have come here and pitched in the eighth inning for a team that probably won’t finish higher than third in the division, but dude — there’s one Canadian team, and he belongs here. Bah.

They’re not quite Canadian, but (1) MBIII, a Minnesota native, was every bit the find that Tony Romo was; and (2) third baseman Steve Marquardt, the Rangers’ 2005 23rd-rounder and a Washington native, got a look behind the plate at Instructs a couple months ago.

Onetime Montreal lefthander (and Blue Jays farmhand) Bruce Chen has an ERA of 0.63 in 43 Puerto Rico Winter League innings, scattering a ridiculous 16 hits and five walks while punching out 51. Bet he’s headed for his ninth big league club. Which will still be two behind Kenny Lofton.

Someone named Grant Schiller is going to write a report next week on his blog about something called the Newberg Report Bound Edition Release Party. Says C.J. Wilson, Kameron Loe, Ian Kinsler, John Danks, and Taylor Teagarden were there. But that jerk Newberg will probably write about it three times before Grant ever gets the chance to.

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