Ask Kate

Thank you in advance, should you consider publishing my letter and commenting on it.

Five months ago, I learned I was pregnant from a man I didn’t want to deal with anymore. We broke-up shortly after he had found out about the baby. I am now living alone in a tiny, old apartment with a new job, lonely, and scared. My mom suffers from dementia and lives in a nursing home. She is the only family I have left.

This year I am turning 41. Quite an old age for a baby, isn’t it?

And yet, after all these years, I feel I have nothing to offer my boy. Honestly, I did all I could: relocated to another city with a better paying job, and got a cheap place to live. But sometimes it feels so much not enough and so unfair for my baby. I can cope with this life, but I don’t want my son to have the same miserable experience.

Things are so complicated. I know it could be worse, and I try not to give up. But what can I give to my son? What kind of life is he going to have– an incomplete family, living in poverty ? I try to be optimistic and believe in a better future, but my hope is fading…

Sincerely,
Pregnant from Peor

Dear Pregnant from Peoria,

Thank you for taking your time and entrusting me with your problem.

From your letter, it seems that you are really sad about the situation in your life. Unfortunately, you are not the only one facing similar challenges. I wish I could help you with advice about your future motherhood. But I am not a mother myself and don’t have the experience of growing children.

What I CAN say is that you seem to be a really caring mother. The fact that you are genuinely concerned about your baby’s well-being says a lot. You wrote a letter to my column, which means you are looking for advice. Not every mom is concerned about her child like this, believe me. You chose to become a mom who takes care of her baby all by herself, which means you are a strong, courageous woman. And you are trying to making things better, because you underwent major changes in your life– moved out, found a place to live, got a better job for the sake of your boy. This is quite a reason to be proud of yourself!

But, dear Pregnant in Peoria, our life is not a fairy tale. Sometimes it’s not our fault, if something doesn’t work out well. We have to be patient, no matter how hard it sounds.

I believe your love and caring will support both of you on your life path. Your son might not get all things at once– a loving father, or lots of money, but your love will mean everything to him. Isn’t that what we value most?