This is why we’re doomed

The English language nurtures oodles of excellent words (e.g., oodles), and its relaxed, nimble grammar permits — indeed, encourages — expressions that simultaneously engage, entertain, and inform. At what point along the way did we throw up our hands and accept empty statements like this?

“I believe this transaction will open an exciting new chapter for Dell, our customers and team members,” Michael Dell said in a statement. “We can deliver immediate value to stockholders, while we continue the execution of our long-term strategy and focus on delivering best-in-class solutions to our customers as a private enterprise.” (Source: CNNMoney)

No wonder our increasingly information- and service-based economy likes to hide out in the shitter from time to time. None of us has a clue what any of us actually does anymore.

Here’s a quiz for you. Which of the following answers to the question, “What do you do for a living?” inspires the most confidence in you?

I bake bread.

I repair shoes.

I assemble motor vehicles.

I write software.

I deliver immediate value to our stockholders, while continuing the execution of our long-term strategy and focusing on delivering best-in-class solutions to our customers as a private enterprise.