844 days, 20,256 hours, 1,215,360 minutes, or 72,921,600 seconds. That is the approximate duration of my world tour. I never wanted it to end and now, in a manner of speaking, I suppose it never has to. If you wish to go by country do so by clicking on one above. They are numbered in the order I visited them, more or less. If you enjoy reading about it even a tenth as much as I enjoyed living it then you will not have wasted your time. Grab a refreshing beverage, settle in a comfortable chair, and make a journey across the world, experiencing it as I did. Then get off your ass and check it out for yourself. You're not getting any younger.

Chandu the Great (Chitwan National Park, Nepal)

March
2nd,
2010- The morning of our foray into the jungle I had the privilege
of meeting Chandu's grandfather (At least I think it was his
grandfather. Sometimes relational terms are used a bit loosely as is
the case with 'brother' and 'cousin'). I was told he was 101 years of
age and, in his heyday, one of the few intrepid souls to ride a wild
rhino. Ride a rhino? When I was little I tried to ride a St. Bernard
so I know where this guy is coming from. Apparently, the best time
for a rhino rodeo is when they are bathing in a lake or stream as
this creates an acceptable level of lethargy and diminished reaction
time. Ride a rhino on land? That would be stupid. You could say this
guy has been around. When I asked for a picture he was more than
happy to pose.

So
into Chitwan National Park we went led by my seasoned guide (Chandu)
and his trusty assistant (Denis). The first leg of our journey
required a canoe trip down the river that forms a natural boundary to
the park. We arrived riverside around 8 am and attained the services
of a local boatman. One of my favorite things about the park and
surrounding countryside is the mist that blankets the area in the
morning during this time of year. It makes for a mystical scene, as
if one is venturing into a primordial forest full of strange and
wonderful beasts. What lurks beyond that mist? Danger? Intrigue? A
steaming pile of tiger shit?

So
we boarded our dugout canoe and made our way downstream. It was not
long before we left the patches of human activity behind and found
ourselves with a peaceful jungle backdrop. Birdlife abounded. Some of
the local denizens included Siberian Ducks. Although I have not
verified it Chandu claims these ducks inhabit the plains of the Terai
during this time of year to escape the bitter Siberian winter.
Apparently, they mate for life and are often found in pairs. Chandu
also said that when a mate dies the other commits suicide. Romeo and
Juliet ain't got shit these birds. I am a little curious about their
methods of self-termination. I suppose starvation would be the most
expedient but the romantic in me envisions a more dramatic end. If I
were a Siberian Duck I think smashing my body against a rock
kamikaze-style would be suitably theatrical. Or maybe I'd wiggle my
feathery ass in front a mugger crocodile's face until dispatched.
Perhaps a bit histrionic and undignified but satisfyingly creative
none the less.

After
a short spell floating downstream we beached along a small sand
island in the center of the river for a wee break. We were not the
only creatures to use the area for the purpose. There was also a
rather large pile of rhino crap in the vicinity. It appears that when
inhabiting a certain territory they enjoy returning to the same spot
for repeated poops. I guess when you find a spot you like why not go
with it? The analogy to my itinerant lifestyle was not lost on me. I
am a like a rhino that can't find a suitable place to keep shitting.
Profound.

At
this point I also learned that rhino piss has medicinal qualities and
is collected for a number of ailments to include asthma and
flatulence (I could have done with a spot of rhino wee as I was
feeling the effects of the previous night's meal). I am a little
unclear as to how exactly the urine is gathered but it appears that
it is scooped up immediately after Mr. Rhino relives himself. So I
guess this means you have to follow one until mother nature calls.
Who gets that job?

Look at the butt on that one.

Rhino poo-poo

Rhino poo-poo with a side of mushroom

The
lower Terai,
and the Chitwan
Valley specifically, were first inhabited by the Tharu
People (both Chandu and Denis are Tharu). A curious fact
about these folks is their apparent immunity to malaria. In fact up
until the 1950's this area was the sole domain of the Tharu due to
the threat of the mosquito borne illness. But then along came DDT and
the World Health Organization's efforts to eradicate the disease. And
with it came the migration (or invasion one might say) of other
ethnic groups and peoples who started gobbling up fertile soil and
essentially making the Tharu second class citizens in their own
backyard, mere farmhands for rich landowners. I was told an estimated
11.5 million people now inhabit the Chitwan Valley of Nepal.

By 9
am Chandu was well on his way to being smashed. As he was sitting
behind me in the canoe I did not realize he was sipping roksi
(homemade brew) out of a glass bottle. I became aware when we passed
a friend of his coming upstream on a boat and Chandu hailed him in
order to share the wealth. When the Chandster begins to glow he
becomes exceeding garrulous. And although it was rather endearing and
I happen to agree with many of his sentiments the truth is the more
shitfaced he gets the more enigmatically philosophical he becomes
and, by default, all the more incomprehensible. His English is decent
but degrades exponentially with each roksi injection.

One of
his soliloquies went something like this: "Riiiiichaaaard.
Do you see the nature beauty and quiet jungle river both sides? I
enjoy going into jungle to see the nature, listen birds, and get way
from people. Birds are freedom. They don't care the problems have to
do this or that. They just fly and no care about troubles. You see
fisherman [pointing to riverbank]. He come sit in morning eat fish
sleep very quiet enjoy like birds his canoe the quiet. I like this. I
not just about business. I not like Raju (the 'pirate' that bilked me
for dinner and a small bottle of whiskey the previous evening). I
like the nature. I wild by the nature. Many years I come to jungle to
fish, watch birds, enjoy the nature, see the fish, drink roksi in
canoe with the moonlight, enjoy the nature, I wild by nature. I meet
you and I want to come to jungle with you to show the wildlife, the
birds, the nature, the quiet, far from the people ruin the nature go
to doing this or that….Ahhhhhhhhh….this is the nature, jungle,
quiet, I guide twenty two years…..Riiiiichaaaard….do you
understanding with me the wild by nature?"

Luckily,
I was sitting in front of him which allowed me to conceal the
permagrin I was constantly sporting. Every once and a while I would
interject with a 'Yep' or 'Yeaaaaah. It sure
is nice' or 'Sure I do' or 'I agree.
People suck'.

After
a time we arrived at the starting point of our trek and worked our
way into the jungle. Unfortunately, the animals decided (as they
often do) to play hide and seek. I am endlessly entertained by a
pattern common to wildlife guides the world over. I am always told
that the place we are headed is a great place to see this or that
creature but when we arrive are confronted with the unthinkable: no
animals doing their animal thing in the place where they are always
supposed to be. But the best part is when, as on this occasion, the
guide behaves as if this were the case along. Oh rhinos
wouldn't be here now. Too hot. They hiding in the forest. The come to
drink and bath in the morning and late afternoon. Riiiiiight.
During a quick side trip into the elephant grass to see if he could
smoke out a rhino Chandu sliced himself on the gargantuan weed (the
grass is sharp and can be unforgiving). I am sure it had nothing to
do with his blood alcohol level.

And Chandu was his naaaaaame-ohhh!!

Denis doing a bit of Rhino reconnaissance

Mugger croc

Although
we saw very little on the first day I cannot say I was disappointed.
Just being there is worth the effort and, notwithstanding Chandu's
diatribes on human folly, the river journey was time well spent. Day
one was worthwhile.

But it
was not over. For our first night's lodging we crossed the river once
again to a village on the edge of the national park. This was the
home village of Denis. He built a small hut with a few rooms to house
tourists like me who want to get a taste of village life in Chitwan
Valley. Although not near his actual house his family was only a
short walk along a meandering path. It was there where we would be
eating dinner.

When
we arrived Denis went to his home to get the keys to our rooms.
During this time Chandu also disappeared. As for me I took a rest and
quietly read a book (Rubicon: The Last Years of The Roman
Republic).

Denis
returned with the key and I entered my humble abode. Not long after
that Chandu returned to fetch me. Being the obedient fetchee I
followed him down the road to a little food stall where I discovered
he was quaffing large amounts of alcohol…..again. He wanted me to
join him. Although I had little desire to drink I did not want to be
impolite, not only to him, but also to the owners and locals that sat
down with us to chat and check out the white freak show (i.e.
me). As always I found myself in a situation I was incapable of fully
understanding. Chandu was five sheets to the wind making his English
almost unintelligible. And after gin, red bull, roksi, and who the
hell knows what else I was glowing a bit myself.

One
thing I did catch from my intoxicated chaperone was his belief that
he was one of the most popular people around. As I watched the faces
of those he interacted with I was not so sure they shared his
enthusiasm. I was now starting to get a clearer picture of my
fearless leader. I probably would have been a lot more worried about
the upcoming days if not for the fact I was now also drunk.

After
a good hour or so Denis came to get us to go for a short walk along
the river bank before heading to his home for supper. Chandu was a
puddle and lagged behind, behaving as if collapse were imminent. At
one point he started screaming something about getting marijuana from
some dude named Baba. We just giggled a bit and let him venture
through his own little world. While Denis took me on a pleasant
stroll through the village area Chandu went on ahead, more out of
necessity than anything else.

Denis'
village, although obviously poor, was fairly well kept and tidy. I
might even say quaint. The people were wearing smiles and the
children were their playfully curious selves. I was glad to be there
and appreciated having the opportunity to meet Denis' family and eat
dinner with them. It was a good day.

The spots for standing, squatting, handstands, and cartwheels are in a different village

Post a Comment

Search This Blog

Follow My Nonsense

All Over

Who and Where

'Now as I look around, it's mighty plain to see, this world is such a great and a funny place to be....' No job. No house. No car. No clue. Me in a nutshell. Might as well hit the road, right? So far: Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Vietnam, Nepal, Bangladesh, United Arab Emirates, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Abkhazia, Denmark, Germany, Czech Republic, Tunisia, Morocco, Western Sahara. Mauritania, Mali, South Africa, Namibia, Botswana, Turkey. USA. Next: ???

Road To Knowhere

I wander this world in search of that which I will never find. It is the journey that matters, not the destination. Along the road to oblivion I may, one day, be able to ask the most interesting question. Is the answer relevant? Or more importantly, would I really want to know after all?