Invitation to Change

How do you tell someone to stop eating? It can often be a silent battle watching someone you care about live an unhealthy life of out-of-control eating. Other times, families beat each other up with insults, teasing, and nagging. Unfortunately, people oftenveer into cruel bullying tactics, thinking that perhaps a dose of shame or guilt will motivate their heavy friend or family member to do something different. Just recently a reporter lost his job for fat shaming a fellow airline passenger in an editorial column.

You should try harder. You’re not trying hard enough. Just eat your broccoli. Stop eating junk food. At least go to the gym. Right? Wrong. It’s not a character flaw that makes someone overweight or obese and you can’t bully someone into losing weight.In fact, it often has the opposite effect.

Many studies have been done and they all find the same results: fat shaming causes a boomerang effect where more harm than good results from this victimization.Fat shaming can make a person gain more weight by feeding into their lack of self-esteem, self-respect, and ability to regulate self-talk. The things we say to ourselves are powerful motivators and can cause great damage when it’s hurtful. In addition, studies have found that shaming increases metabolic syndrome risks in people who are obese.

Studies also indicate how the stress from discrimination can increase appetite, and make someone more likely to resort to emotional eating habits and bingeing. By shaming with words, bullying or indifference, trauma occurs.

In my book Just 10 LBSI talk about an easy-to-follow love-centered food plan that sheds pounds and provides new life skills to live lighter following three key components: Mend + Move + Maintain.The last thing we need is another crazy crash diet. The solution is so much deeper than that.

Addressing food relationship issues and eating patterns is a great place to start, but being active and mending the inner trauma that comes from the shame is equally important. Figuring out a maintainable plan that works is crucial for long term sustainability.Yet, the hardest step to take is the first one. Here’s where you come in: invite your loved one to change.

“I love you so much that I am inviting you to change your life for the better. I’m here to walk alongside you on this new path. I promise to be your cheerleader, your confidant, and your truth-teller. I promise to be kind, and fair, and honest. I want this for you, because you are worth this work, and I’m willing to do it with you.”

I believe it is important to address the physical problem of being overweight while also uncovering and discovering the inner issues that keep the cycle going; why do we use food to cope with stress and emotions? Why do we retreat to self-harming behaviors when we know better?

Shaming a person you love for being overweight is a form of abuse and can cause trauma. Be positive and build them up, encourage action to get help, be the one who instills hope in their life!Let the person know HOW you care.