I don’t like fat free food. I don’t like low fat food either. I don’t eat it anymore. I used to, believing it was good for me, but I was always hungry. Hunger and I do not get along. I avoid it at all costs. I always know where my next meal is coming from. I decided being hungry and miserable was a greater health risk than eating fat. I threw out the I can’t believe it’s not butter-I could- and returned to It is butter, really.

I can tell, on first sip, when my latte is mistakenly made with low fat milk. I use half and half in my coffee at home. There is nothing “light” in my frig. I would rather not eat ice cream than eat it with all the natural fat sucked out.

To justify my rich taste, I read the Fat Fallacy by Will Cower. I remembered my two week trip to France. The French eat whole everything! They are not overweight and do not have as high an incidence of heart disease as we do. I ate more bread with butter, cheese, cream, ham, pastry and wine while there than I do in two months in Pittsburgh. Surprisingly, I lost weight. I could argue I walked a lot. That being true and significant, the Fat Fallacy suggests we need fat to maintain a good weight. I choose to be a discipline of this belief-we all pick what beliefs we live by.

I have the same preference when it comes to my relationships. I want all the fat; the luscious conversation rich with emotion, slathered in warmth and compassion, topped with honesty. This fills and sustains me for days. I am not hungry. Perhaps that is why I am a therapist. I have the privilege of being with people in very “meaty” ways. I listen to all the ingredients of full course lives.

I know when I have talked with someone that prefers “fat free conversation” because I don’t know them any better than I did before we spoke. I was not “filled” or “fattened” from our time together. I walk away feeling hungry. When I am in a “fat free relationship” I feel lonely even though I am with someone. I am often bored. I find myself offering very little of myself to them and vice versa.

I know that I want to be impacted by an exchange with a friend or partner. That I want to know more about myself as a result of knowing more about them. I want to be filled up. I want butter. Not margarine.

I actually think I eat less food when I am satiated in relationship. How about you?