So I have this crazy driver's ed teacher, Mr. Rawlings. He was a Vietnam veteran who is perpetually hopped up on antidepressents. Seriously, I was driving with him and a friend and then he Rawlings pulled out a trowing knife and was all like "Hey check this out." I'm not kidding. He pulled out a fucking throwing knife, while I was driving, just because he's batshit insane. But that's not all. He taught us nothing, as all he did was tell war stories about his experiences in vietnam. According to him(Me and the same friend counted) he has killed 7,611 people and is hunting down two more.

Anyway, me and my friends were planning on bringing him to play laser tag, just to see what happens. Good idea yes/no?

ou're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Official messages from Unfunny will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Unfunny are lying. Stranger: oi You: 'allo 'allo Stranger: ga' day You: 'ew from Australia? Stranger: alright Stranger: hola Stranger: better? You: Oh, I have nothing against Australians You: I was just trying to guess the accent. Stranger: oh Stranger: akward You: <.<You>.> Stranger: 'cause I was ready to retort with "AUSTRALIANS HAVE SEXY ACCENTS!" You: AND THEY DO You: I SEE YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL Stranger: I'M GUESSING YOUR REFERING TO CAPS? You: INDEED I AM Stranger: IT MAKES EVERYTHING SEEM PRETTY INTENSE You: I KNOW Stranger: SEEING AS I AM READING THIS IN A SHOUTING VOICE Stranger: GIVES ME 'NAM FLASHBACKS You: REALLY? Stranger: LOOK OUT!! CHARLIE IN THE TREES!!!!!

You: RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!!!! Stranger: AAHHHH, WHY IS FOREST IN MY 'NAM FLASHBACKS?! Stranger: WHO LET YOU IN THE ARMY?!

You: 'CUZ YOU'RE LUTENANT DAN, OBVIOUSLY!!! Stranger: HOLY SHIT I AM!

You: AND I GOT IN BECAUSE OF MY BRIGHT PRETTY EYES AND BECAUSE I ALREADY HAD THE HAIRCUT You: I THINK THAT RECRUITER WAS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY Stranger: YOU NEED TO BE TOUGH TO SURVIVE IN VIETNAM You: AND CHANGE YOUR SOCKS FREQUENTLY Stranger: I RAINED FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS STRAIGHT, I DROWNED A GOOK IN MUD Stranger: >:{ You: I STRANGLED A CHARLIE WITH MY BOOTSTRAP AND CHARGED A MACHINEGUN NEST, UPHILL BOTH WAYS! You: I ATE LEECHES FOR A WEEK BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF JERKY Stranger: I HAD TO STRANGLE 100 CHARLIES...WITH MY DICK!!!! You: It must be incredibly long and bendy. You: ANYWAY Stranger: YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO GO YOUR WHOLE DICK AROUND A VIETNAMESE GUYS NECK?!

You: I BEAT A CHARLIE TO DEATH WITH MY OWN SEVERED ARM You: AND THEN I GOT KILLED You: BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP ME You: YOU DON'T NEED SILLY THINGS LIKE HEADS TO FIGHT Stranger: I HAD TO TAKE DOWN AN ATTACK CHOPPER WITH A GOD DAMN WOODEN SPOON You: JUST A PAIR OF BIG BRASS ONES AND AN ARM You: AND THEN MY SERGEANT SAYS TO ME: RAMIEREZ, TAKE OUT THAT T-34 WITH THIS PAIR OF SOCKS You: AND I DID IT You: BECAUSE IN 'NAM, IF YOU WANTED TO SURVIVE, YOU LISTENED TO YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER Stranger: I TOOK DOWN AN AC130 WITH AN RPG Stranger: YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT THAT WAS?! You: BAH, RPGS Stranger: THOSE FUCKING THINGS don't FLY STRAIGHT AT ALL Stranger: THEY MAY EVEN BE QUEER You: SERVES THEM RIGHT You: HAD TO TAKE OUT A NEST OF SNIPERS WITH MY FUCKING RADIO You: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BADLY YOU CAN DAMAGE A RADIO BASHING SKULLS IN WITH IT Stranger: I HAD TO CHOP DOWN A TREE WITH MY TEETH You: YOU GOT TO USE YOUR TEETH!?! You: I HAD TO CHOP THREE DOWN WITH MY TOENAILS You: AND I ONLY HAD ONE LEFT BY THAT POINT Stranger: I HAD TO BURN DOWN A FOREST WITH MY SEAMEN Stranger: don't ASK ME HOW I DID IT Stranger: BUT I DID IT You: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN PAINFUL Stranger: YOU HAVE NO IDEA Stranger: I WAS THE DEFINITION OF THE PHRASE "that burning sensation when you piss" You: DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE PISS You: WE RAN OUT OF FLAMETHROWER FUEL ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH OUR CAMPAIGN You: THAT IS ALL THAT SHOULD BE SAID. Stranger: WE TOOK SPEEDBALLS TO STAY AWAKE Stranger: YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO PRACTICLY MAINLINE COCAINE AND HEROIN TO VIETNAM?! You: I HEAR THE COLUMBIANS WERE OFFERING A BULK RATE Stranger: THEY WEREN'T BACK IN 'NAM Stranger: BACK IN 'NAM WE DIDN'T HAVE "BACK IN 'NAM" STORYS TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD. You: NO, BUT ONE OF MY BUDDIES HAD "BACK IN KOREA" STORIES You: AND A BUDDY OF HIS HAD "BACK ON OMAHA" STORIES You: SO WE MADE DO Stranger: BACK IN NAM I NEEDED TO WALK THROUGH NO MANS LAND TO RETRIVE MY COMANDERS CORN-PIPE Stranger: AND I WAS DECLARED A HERO FOR IT You: I TRIED TO RETRIEVE SOMETHING I LOST IN 'NAM Stranger: YOUR SANITY?1 You: I PROMPTLY GOT SHOT IN THE HEAD FOR MY TROUBLE You: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO PERFORM LIFE-SAVING SURGERY IN A FLOODED FIELD WHILST BEING STRAFED WITH NAPALM BY A BUNCH OF AIR-FORCE COWBOYS WHO CAN'T READ A FUCKING MAP?!? Stranger: YES Stranger: ALTOUGH, I HAD NO ARMS AT THE TIME You: THEN THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME WE WERE SENT TO TAKE OUT A You: 'KONG COMMAND POST Stranger: BACK IN VIETNAM, WE HAD TO FIGHT ZENOMORPHS AND PREDATORS, THEY WERE ALL WORKIN WITH THE CHARLIES!! You: AT LEAST THE TERMINATORS WERE ON OUR SIDE Stranger: WE HAD ONE IN OUR PLATOON Stranger: AND HE HAD ONLY ONE LEG You: YOU GOT ONE WITH A LEG?!! You: OURS HAD TREADS You: AND WE HAD TO DRAG HIM THROUGH EVERY FROST-FORSAKEN RICE PADDY You: THAT PROTON CANNON WAS A LIFESAVER, THOUGH You: I'LL NEVER FORGET THE SIGHT OF A 'KONG PILLBOX IN FLAMES, EXPLODING, WITH TITS, AND ON FIRE. You: AND THEN CRUMBLING INTO RADIOACTIVE DUST. Stranger: I WAS snuggled BY 3 SUPERMUTANTS Stranger: ...THATS IT Stranger: I don't THINK I NEED TO GO INTO DETAIL ON THAT ONE You: THERE ARE SOME THINGS BEST LEFT UNSAID You: THE VAMPIRES WERE THE WORST You: CHARLIE WOULD SHOOT THEM OUT OF MORTARS, AND YOU NEVER KNEW WHERE THEY WERE GOING TO HIT You: BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SPARKLED Stranger: YOU ONLY HAD VAMPIRES?! WE HAD WERE-PIRES You: THAT 'AINT RIGHT Stranger: FUCKING WOLVES THAT COULD TURN INTO BATS Stranger: FUCKING TERIFYING You: AND THEN THERE WERE THE HEADCRABS Stranger: ALTOUGH AFTER YOU SET A CHARLIE ON FIRE WITH YOUR OWN SEAMNE, WHAT'S THERE TO BE AFRAID OF?!

You: THAT'S HOW WE LOST OUR FRANK Stranger: don't EVEN GET ME STARTED You: STUPID FLAMETHROWER TROOPER WENT AND TOOK A PISS UNDER A TREE You: AND THEN BAM Stranger: ONE OF THEM POISON HEADCRABS GET ONE OF THE WEREPIRES AND IT WAS AWFUL You: SAND THEN THERE WERE THE FAST HEADCRAB SUPER MUTANTS You: THAT MADE ME BROWN MY PANTS, I CAN TELL YOU You: ANYWAY, I HAVE SOME RELATIVES TO YELL AT You: STUPID KIDS CAN'T LET A GUY CHAT TEN MINUTES WITHOUT NEEDING SOMETHING You: IT WAS FUN EXCHANGING 'NAM STORIES Stranger: BACK AT CHA! You: LATER!

Damn, I should have joined the dots and got that anyway. Of course I can not confirm or deny the allegation. Grey and/or Black ops and wetwork sepcialist... now, THAT would be a cool job. Oops, I mean security, yeah security nothing else. Silly Warhead.