This morning at 11:45 a.m., officials reported overheard sniffling on the second floor of the Hall of Languages. The student, who had left the classroom to blow his nose, was tackled and escorted to Health Services. “We might not make it… Read More

The Kumquat has confirmed that a student in Sadler Hall, who had been showing symptoms of the cold, was just diagnosed with the cold. He was seen Friday night walking around without a jacket, which according to the… Read More

Bark, Bark? More like systematically oppressed. Words matter, and what we say to dogs matter. They may be sniffing their butts, but that doesn’t mean they’re not listening. Think next time before you assume you know what it’s… Read More

The Gallagher household was shaken this past Tuesday when their eldest son, Brett Gallagher, brought a perfectly fine dinner conversation to a screeching halt by revealing his long-suppressed feelings about the sport of baseball. His father, Joseph Gallagher,… Read More

Are you self-conscious when you scream at women? Not getting the reaction you think you deserve? It’s not you — it’s probably your catcalls! Here are 6 catcalls that will definitely get the ladies to fall to their… Read More

1. It’s that time of year again! That gusty autumn breeze might sweep you off your feet and into a gigantic pile of laundry. But that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it? 2. Crossing… Read More

We caught you, you weirdo. Why do you actually want to see this? Your boss told us he’s been having problems with you. Here are some questions you need to ask yourself: Are you at work right now? … Read More

American scum. Fanciness is a state of mind that you must annex. Nothing says you are the supreme leader of the world fashion like a fine tailored suit, some nice loafers, and your coldest frown. Take note and remember… Read More