Thursday, October 1, 2009

Man caves

You man, me woman. I get it. It’s not that hard to figure out our differences. You shave, I wax. You like Red Dawn, we dig Dirty Dancing. But when it comes to portioning off areas of the house, I don’t see why you XYs need your own space to watch sports or porn or whatever it is you do in there. You don’t need a separate hole to crawl into when you are discovering fire or sharpening tools. That’s what the garage is for, Encino Man.

And your male room shouldn’t be where the wagon wheel coffee table goes to die; that’s what craigslist is for, duh. Lose the threadbare recliner and put your collection of baseball caps or hockey jerseys in storage. Call me crazy, but clothing is meant to be put on the body, not hung on a wall.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not a cave man. You’re a guy who hasn’t shaved in three days. Wash off your Pleistocene funk, turn on the light, and for god’s sake, stop grunting. If not, I'll have no choice but to whack you with a woolly mammoth bone, which is going to leave a mark, no matter how you try to cover it up with your loincloth.

7 comments:

You know, Tim, it's not the separate room so much as it is the term "man cave." It sort of reduces guys to knuckle-dragging status and I think y'all are better than that. Maybe it should be called a "Gentleman's Club" or the "Male Room" or something like that.

My husband made his 'man cave' in the shed. The metal, rusting, ghetto shed, in the yard. He has a tiny tv and a cast-off padded lawn chair in there, along with a fan for Summer and a small heater for winter. He lives there now. He only comes in to go to bed. We call him "Shed Guy." Meanwhile, I have to store my Xmas decos and my garden tools in the back of the 'man van' that he never ever drives. Because he has displaced them with his shed lifestyle. I want to punch HIM in the face.

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