Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Mallard Fillmore, of his own free will, went into a restaurant serving locally-sourced, organic, hormone free food...and he is offended by what they are serving.

Also, for some reason, Mallard thinks there's something wrong with not wanting foreign-sourced, non-organic, hormone-filled food. Seriously, Mallard, if there's a market for it, what the hell do you care?

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Frankly, after a day like today it makes me question my career choices when I realize someone gets paid to simply document their smug superiority in excruciating detail, with no artistic, literary, or humorous merit.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

At first, I was tempted to say that, at Mallard's age, using a laundromat is a sign that your life took a wrong turn somewhere.

Then I was tempted to say that Mallard is an elitist dick.

But, then I realized that, since watching Fox "News" makes you actively more stupid, I realized that there's no joke here. Getting away from his house and watching something, anything, other than Fox is broadening Mallard's horizons.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Seriously, someone who habitually parrots talking points from the channel that gave us the War on Religion and the War on Christmas is living in the proverbial glass house and should really shut their trap.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Whenever I think Mallard Fillmore can't get more stupid, more wrong, it always turns out I am the one who is wrong.

First of all, though not mentioned here, apparent Vice President Biden said "Nobody wants these things, and if they don't want them, we shouldn't keep making them." Interesting that Mallard is quoting/agreeing with Biden, and yet does not have the guts to admit it.

Those of you with enough of an attention span to read beyond that first paragraph may also notice that Mallard is completely wrong and that, in fact, demand for the coins was quite high, almost 15% above projections. Mallard Fillmore: wrong. Again.

I find no evidence to substantiate Mallard's claim that they charged more for the Chester A. Arthur coins, so that fact appears to be, unsurprisingly, complete fiction.

Additionally, Mallard's claim that lack of demand is the reason said fictional price increase took place is ascribing fictional motives to a fictional event. So, you know, we're really moving into previously unimaginable dimensions of falsehood here.

And yet, if we took his claims about pricing at face value, the U.S. Government charged more and sold more, bringing to 14,000,008 the reasons why Mallard Fillmore doesn't know anything about anything, least of all business, and should not be listened to on any subject.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Now, it's unacceptable to speculate on what one's political opponent will do, if elected?

John Stewart eviscerated this as effectively as possible in a segment he called: "You are aware that the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex gives us the ability to store and recall past events as they occurred. right?"

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

I suppose if I were a hack comic, who had job security even when putting out drivel which tries and fails to connect America's National Debt and Facebook's upcoming IPO, I wouldn't worry about America following Europe's lead and implementing austerity measures which lead us back into a Recession.

Being, however, a being with a functioning intellect, I recognize that the fastest way to rectifying the debt situation is employment and rising wages.

Also, Mallard, Apple has something like $90b cash on hand, and could buy Facebook. So, you know, even on that score...you made a bad choice. I really wonder what it's like to suck so bad at something.