Delaware's Last Honest Toddler Fight Club Was Shut Down Yesterday

Since toddlers were first domesticated thousands of years ago, they have been prized for their sweet faces and their deadly skill in hand-to-hand combat. Now three daycare workers in Delaware have been arrested for giving toddlers a theater in which to hone their innate violent tendencies. Secret Toddler Fight Club is no more.

In the footage, which police claim they are not releasing because it is "evidence," but probably they're just sitting on it while they make copies for all their friends because it sounds awesome, two three-year-olds are seen scrapping in the center of a room while adults cheer them on.

Here are the rules of Toddler Fight Club, based on the information the detectives have released about the video:I. No pinching. In the video, one child is reportedly heard yelling "He pinched me!" (snitch). One of the daycare workers then reminds her young warriors there is "No pinching! Only punching!"II. Only punching. Technically, this is part of the "no pinching" clause, but it could also be extended to life outside of the toddler gladiatorial arena. Just only ever be punching. If you find yourself doing something other than punching, punch that thing in the face and keep on punching. There is only punching.III. No babies. Dover Police Captain Tim Stump says the video catches one crying child attempting to forfeit the game, only to be pushed back into the fray by one of the workers. If you're going to behave like a baby, you are not welcome in Toddler Fight Club.

Following the incident, Hands of Our Future Daycare has had its license revoked.

All previously scheduled Toddler Fights have definitely not been moved behind Lord and Taylor on Market Street and betting absolutely is not open until 6:30 p.m. tonight.