6 Reasons Why Starting a Relationship is So Damn Hard

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been reading a lot of stuff on here that really just irks me. There are women pointing out what men are doing wrong when they try to start a relationship, and men bashing the women that don't want to be with them. Hopefully I can shed some light for both sides and attempt to better understand one another in the dating field.

1. The approach

First of all, men give other men horrible advice. I have even heard women giving this awful advice. It could be because they want to boost their confidence, but it really doesn't help. So ladies, it's not their fault! The advice I hear given is "Just go for it!" Dear god no! If a girl is with a group of friends, DO NOT JUST GO! Now, here is where the miscommunication starts:

Guy sees pretty girl, builds up the courage to walk over their with possible embarrassment on the line, and this girl is showing ZERO signs of wanting to be approached, but hey everyone says just to go for it, you never know what could happen right? Now there is this awkward situation where these 2 people have to find things to say to each other. Girls, instead of being nice, we get pretty mean and sometimes it's even justified. Again, probably not the guys fault. They are told that if they keep trying, it will happen. Which most find out the hard way, that it is not always the case.

2. Dining out

For some messed up reason, it is traditional that men pay for the dates. This completely boggles my brain. Why would you not pay for yourself? The theory is that if a guy doesn't invest in this date, that he will not invest in the rest of the relationship and is a deadbeat. Ladies, this is far from the truth. These men are SMART and do not want to get duped like they usually do. Why should they pay for you to eat? Really?! Why do they have to spend money on you, when you might not even like them? This also brings me to the next point.

3. Money and sex

So I found out a long time ago that guys thought that if they bought me stuff, that I owed them sex? Wait. Hold up. So this is a quid pro quo? I thought this was a relationship. THAT is why I insist on paying for myself. Always. Ladies, if you pay for yourself, you owe them nothing. Even if they do pay, you owe them nothing, but since a lot of men see it that way then don't chance it.

4. Dating and sex

Guys, I've heard through the grapevine that you want a great upstanding woman that doesn't sleep around and that the number of partners matter (some guys really don't care at all, which if it works for you that's awesome) but the problem is this:

You guys want to get laid, but you don't want someone that sleeps around, but you want whoever your with to put out for you and if you break up, she's a slut. Now the next guy that comes along is going to want her to put out for them, and then they break up. And so on until one day, someone she wants to start a relationship with finds out how many times that has happened, and is completely disgusted by it. So guys, either stop trying to get laid right away, or shut up. Seriously. And goes into the next subject matter.

5. Competition

I read on here all of the time about these guys that got their feelings hurt by some girl because they didn't want anything to do with them after all they've done for them. Ladies, stop taking advantage of these nice guys, it's really mean and cuts them pretty deeply. Guys, please keep in mind that women ARE in fact different in the way we view the dating scene. I find that most guys are very sexually motivated when they "try to get to know" someone. Women really want a conversation and connection, which guys do, but that's not until later. Women get approached by more guys than guys get approached by women.

This leads me to believe that a lot of women are NOT actively looking for someone at the point in time they are being approached. After all of these willing suitors try to offer their love and affection, she is locked up tight with those walls up. Guys literally have to COMPETE against these other guys for even a chance to get to know a woman! Even after so much trying and planning, they still might not even get to talk to you because of everyone else who has tried to approach you. It's incredibly frustrating for everyone.

6. Dating and appearance

Both men and women alike want an attractive partner. So those seeking relationships really need to put their best foot forward. Ladies who are looking, don't try to be someone you are not, they will eventually figure it out and ask what happened, but do let them see the best version of you that you have. Men, I suggest the exact same thing. If you aren't a suit and tie guy, that's perfectly fine, but things like not shaving or wearing clothes that are wrinkled or don't look nice (I see that a lot) aren't gong to get you the best attention. After all, most people see the outside before they know what the inside looks like.

Most Helpful Girl

I think what they mean by "go for it" is go over and try breaking the ice with your crush to get ease the awkward tension so that you can become more comfortable in each others company. But people often make the mistake of mixing these two up and just go diving in and asking their crush out straight away. I mean, who isn't going to be kinda freaked out by a stranger approaching them to ask them out? It can be quite tricky to get the timing correct. Like we've talked about, people often rush into it with out thinking it through first. Or either that you get guys that just seem to lurk around and non verbally flirt with their crush for years before they even decide whither they want to talk to them or not and when it comes to the crunch, their crush will have more than likely lost interest. When I decide to "just go for it" I approach them just to break the ice with them and then at some point I'll find out what I need to know about them. Are they single? And are they interested? If so, then I'll progress on to making the move and asking them out on a date. I only act on it if its me who has the crush. So sadly, if any of those overly shy guys take any interest in me. It means that I will not take them by the hand if they are incapable of acting on it. Some of these guys just think they can get away with non verbal flirting and you'll run to them. I give guys at least a month or two to act on it. If they don't then I start giving them less attention and avoid them.

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myTake Owner

I'm not sure if guys really know how tricky the timing is. I prefer just talking casually before being asked out. Like, why would I go somewhere with you when I don't know you? Like you could be some weirdo lol

Yes, well that's my point exactly because thats how i approach guys im interested in and its my way of getting a bit more comfortable with them, before going on dates. I prefer the same approach from them. But you've litterally got to spell it out to some guys or they just don't get it. Especially those shy guys that resort to the same old tactics over and over again. I'm like, eh hello. Can't you see that what your doing isn't working? Lmao.

#6 That's why I miss the 90's back then you could dress like you blew up a hobo and stitched his clothes back together and wore them, go to the bar/club and still leave with the hottest chick there. Grunge was the best.

@Afrochick I don't date by choice. Life is easier without a partner. I can have girls as friends but that's as far as it goes for me. Those emojis were just for comedic purposes. I know of course that things change, times change and people change somewhat. Who knows maybe in the future I will want a partner but for now no.

I don't know why so many women thumbs-down your post. It's true. Men don't take classes as children on how to approach women. They're just people like we are; afraid of all the same things. Rejection, etc. Women ought to take the reigns if they see something they like.

Honestly, I've turned down many guys and it has nothing to do with a power trip. If anything, it really depends on my mood and frame of mind. I usually throw out some universal signs that a lot of guys have taken advantage of. So if I separate myself from my group of friends, I'm leaving myself open for outside conversation. If I'm waiting in the line at the gas station, I'm all about getting my gas and getting out with minimal interaction. I have approached guys and have been rejected, but I don't approach a guy like they would approach me. I don't think it's that women don't approach guys, I think it's a significant amount less though because women really weigh their odds before they try.

What Girls Said 8

I see those hurdles as challenges to maintain the principles and virtues that a person must manifest. All those second doubts and assumptions make your starting experience troublesome, indeed but they are somewhat contributory to one's experience and wisdom.

While starting a relationship is hard, I think maintaining a relationship is even more challenging, thus harder. 😊

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myTake Owner

Oh yes that is a whole other ballgame. Maybe I'll write about that next lol

1. That's life I don't know why people take that personally if you walk up to someone like that and they tell you to buzz off it happened get over it. I get it if they were way too rude then needed.2. Well let people do what they want, if a woman likes tradition I say fine. One I'm not dating her and two its her dating life has nothing to do with me so I don't see why a lot of people complain about that on here. If your a guy and you don't like that then don't date that girl.3. Ok I agree but I also feel if your girlfriend is willing to buy you stuff and she not putting a tag on it like "but you need to give me this" then guys should do the same. I hate people who think giving out stuff gives them a right to request ridiculous shit. My friend did that to me, recently mind you she put herself in that position I never ask for stuff she just gave it to me. Then expect me to complete a whole major project we had in our last year of high school in just a few days for her because she was lazy. I only did parts where you have to cite and definitions but I refuse to do the rest. I stop talking to her because of it and I even went and message her to end the friendship because I was that pissed off she said sorry and never did it again. 4. Exactly, this is why if a guy excepts me to be a virgin or be a douche about how many people I slept with I walk away right there and tell him to go fuck him. I have no time or energy to put with a douche like that.5. I don't see how this is an issue either there so many people out there if she does not like you. She does not like you maybe that can change it depends but if she 100% no then just walk away it's patheic. Same with girls if he not budging to be your boyfriend walk away he not worth it. 6. Well I hate when men claim were make up is fake. Okay first of all in pictures don't men dress up and make themselves look nice? so what difference if a woman does it? and make up is pretty noticeable unless you're a clueless guy. But to me a man doesn't always have to look his best for me because that's not going to happen and I don't want him to tell me what I should do daily to appeal to him. If you don't like me naturally then go away.

Just a comment on a virginity part, I think differing values (inherently religious ones) would tend to look for it. I dont see anything wrong with it if a guy himself is a virgin. Its only a case of like seeking like. Dont hate.

I hate dating, because you have to figure them out and all their flaws. I hate it so I am never dating ever again. The problem with that is, I still have to figure out this guy I am with and help him fix his flaws.

@Tony1974 luck to you. God sent Jesus to change the world. What is to God matters more to me than what is to you. And who are you to tell me how wrong I am? Actually my husband has improved tremendously.

I've seen a lot in my life time and the majority of the time when somebody tries to fix somebody else it usually goes horribly wrong. People only change when they want to; forcing people to change only causes anger and resentment.

I must be the only one thinking that a relationship is not even based on these things except where it shows a completely different way of thinking between two people.

Hey, if you think he/she should pay and he/she doesn't want to, you're not a match. If he/she wants sex or else and you don't, you're not a match, and so on. Simply because if you're going to fight to change someone you barely know right from the start, it's a no go!It really is that simple.

On a side note, I find that guys who are really interested and like you as a person insist on paying for your meal or at least some part of it because that's how many guys still show their appreciation.