5.10.04

HRH John I

it would seem both monarchists and progressives can rest easy for the first time since the appointment of george w bush to the presidency of the united states of america. burke's peerage, experts on british aristocracy, have spoken and so all we can trust voters will come out in perhaps even unprecedented numbers and cast a vote for senator john kerry and elect him president since he indeed boasts not only more blue blood than his republican rival and current usurper, and any previous leader of this great land, but is indeed the overall best, ablest, rational, intelligent, deserving candidate.

after months of research into senator kerry's ancestry, burke's peerage reported just over a week ago, that the vietnam war veteran is related to all the royal houses of europe and can claim kinship with tsar ivan the terrible, a previous emperor of byzantium and the shahs of persia. harold brooks-baker, burke's publishing director, said senator kerry had his mother, rosemary forbes, to thank for most of his royal connections: «every maternal blood line of kerry makes him more royal than any previous american president».

«because of the fact that every presidential candidate with the most royal genes and chromosomes has always won the november presidential election, the coming election - based on 42 previous presidents - will go to john kerry.»

research carried out on bush before the 2000 presidential race showed that he beat al gore in the royal stakes, claiming kinship with queen elizabeth as well as with kings henry iii and charles ii of england.

burke's noted senator kerry is also a descendant of the former kings henry iii and henry ii and is distantly related to richard the lionheart, who led the third crusade in 1189. he is also descended from henry i, king of france, and his wife, anne of kiev, giving him kinship with the royal houses of sweden, norway and denmark.

burke's research showed senator kerry also has historical political links in the US. he is closely related to john winthrop, the first massachusetts governor - the state for which he is now a senator - and his maternal grandmother was the granddaughter of robert winthrop, speaker of the house of representatives from 1847 to 1849.

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