segunda-feira, 27 de novembro de 2017

Men don’t often receive credit for their complexity. One of my biggest annoyances is how husbands are often portrayed in commercials and TV shows: emotionally unaware, irresponsible, wide-eyed, and well… a little dumb. Those portrayals provide for a half-hearted chuckle, but they’re caricatures.

I’d like to clear the air a bit. I may not speak for every man, but I have a feeling I speak for most.

What good is slaying the dragon and climbing the tower if there’s no princess inside? Men need their bride’s agreement, adoration, and affirmation.

If you’re a wife, I hope you read this and get a new idea of how to love your husband a little differently, a little better. If you’re a husband, I’m curious to hear if I missed something (please speak up in the comments).

Here are four things I believe every husband needs to hear from his wife daily.

4 Things Every Husband Needs to Hear Daily

1: “I trust you”

Selena and I have struggled with this one. We’re in a new season of life with lots of uncertainty. We made a conscious decision to put off some aspects of life to run the course God has outlined for us. We’re unsettled. As I write this, most of our stuff is in an old moving truck, where it’s been for two months now. We don’t have a real “home” as we are renting in a temporary location.

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Most of the time we’re in a agreement. On difficult days, she starts to feel frustrated. I don’t blame her, our life is in flux. That can sometimes cause us to fight over particulars as we pursue God’s big plan. It’s in those times when she doesn’t feel it that I need her trust me most.

When I can tell she’s flustered and wanting to abandon the course, I need her to trust me. Then, when she sighs and simply says “I trust you“, it has an inexplicable effect on my confidence and resolve.

2: “I believe in you”

I doubt myself enough for the both of us. Most times I feel like I’m holding on by a thread – trying to figure out how to provide, love my family well, and be a godly man/husband. When she expresses her belief in me as a man she is affirming her decision to marry me–that she didn’t make a mistake when she said “I do”.

The converse can be devastating to a man’s confidence. Think about it: “I doubt you can do it”… I can’t think of a more deflating blow to a man’s morale. You may not realize that by not telling him you believe in him, you may be sending signals that you don’t.

By expressing belief in your husband you’re explicitly locking arms with him and assuring him that together, you can make it through anything.

3: “I want you”

Sex is great, as most men will agree. But the act of sex is vastly different from the intimacy of sex. The pleasure of sex is magnified by desire. We’ve talked about the spectrum of sex; some sex is functional, some is intensely involved.

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This phrase is not really about physical desire, however.

By saying “I want you“, you’re letting your husband know that you love him for his intrinsic qualities. You want him for who he is, no matter what he accomplishes or what he looks like. The intimacy of want says “I desire you”, “I want to be married to you”, “I enjoy you”. It doesn’t always translate into physical intimacy, but it will certainly always encourage your husband.

4: “I love you”

This phrase is last intentionally. Hearing “I love you” begins to lose meaning if it’s not evidenced non-verbally and backed by the other statements. Wives probably agree the same goes for them.

Husbands still need to hear it, however. If you don’t say “I love you” at least a few times daily to your husband, start now. If you do say it, try this: stop him, square off, stare into his eyes, and stay it as purposefully as you can: “I love you”. Maybe seal the deal with a good kiss for effect.

Your husband will feel like superman.

Paul, Christ, and You

Paul knew what he was talking about in Ephesians 5 when he compares the husband/wife dynamic with the Christ/church relationship. The phrases discussed here are how we also express our trust, belief, desire, and love for Christ.

Wives, as you express these phrases (and others) to your husband, you’re not only affirming him as your husband, you’re also profoundly living out Paul’s instruction to honor him as the church honors Christ.

n his first-ever Thanksgiving address as President, Donald Trump mentioned God eight times, reversing former President Obama’s refusal to mention the name of God even once in his Thanksgiving Proclamations since 2009.

President Trump in his address today thanked God for his providence and asking God to continue to bless the nation. He gave his address from his Mar-a-Lago Resort in Florida. A cheery crackling fire in the background set the thanksgiving mood.

Trump recounted how thanking God for his blessings and asking him for his continued blessing is part of the American way. He noted that when the pilgrims arrived in Plymouth almost four hundred years ago, their “first act was to pray.”

“On their first Thanksgiving, they came together to rejoice after their harvest and praise God for his provision. Since then, Americans have always remembered the blessings of freedom and the glory of God,” he said.

Trump said that George Washington, in his first year as president, “proclaimed a day of public thanksgiving and prayer. He asked all citizens to unite in sincere and humble thanks for God’s providence and the founding of our country.”

Trump mentioned how President Lincoln in the midst of the civil war made the last Thursday in November a national holiday, calling on Americans to “come together with one heart and one voice to thank God for his gracious gifts and to ask him to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it.”

The president went on to thank all the “warriors” in uniform who have kept America safe. He thanked God for all those who have kept the nation safe.

“Together we give thanks for the loved ones who grace our lives and for the heroes who protect our nation. And we ask for God’s continued blessings on this magnificent land,” he said.

Trump’s explicit references to God comes as a stark contrast to his predecessor President Obama.

Obama made history in his first year in the White House in 2009 as the first president to omit a direct mention of God in his Thanksgiving Proclamation, and he continued the trend during his remaining years in office.

Last year in his Thanksgiving address, then President-elect Trump also asked God to bless the nation.

quarta-feira, 15 de novembro de 2017

A few months back I wrote in depth about how to pray with your spouse. In those posts I covered the mechanics of prayer and we used the Lord’s prayer as our blueprint. I’d encourage you to re-visit those posts briefly, especially if you’re feeling stopped up in how to start a prayer habit in your marriage.

For this post, however, I’d like to remind myself (and of course, readers!) of the power of praying for your spouse. For christians, the power of prayer is something we readily acknowledge but too often forget in practice. This tendency to forget is probably because we haven’t had the deep revelation of what prayer is and why we do it.

Let’s start with that…

3 Principles of Prayer

If nothing else, this (very) quick study of prayer will set a baseline for this post. I also hope it reminds us of the purpose and power of prayer as well as our position as those who pray (wow, look at all of those P words).

Here are some important things to remember about prayer as those who are in Christ:

We have access to God through ChristJesus paved the way and cleared the lines of communication. It’s only through Jesus that we are “acceptable” to God. This is not because God is mean, but because He is holy. I’d imagine us approaching God without Jesus would be like throwing a lit match into a hurricane – there’s just no way the match wouldn’t be snuffed out. Jesus is the titanium globe surrounding our match as we’re hurled into the hurricane. Jesus covers us with his righteousness through grace (fancy word: propitiation).Scripture: Hebrews 7:25-28, Romans 8:34

We can influence God’s actionsI almost didn’t include this point because it’s such a complex thing to say. However, from what I’ve learned, been taught, and observed in the Bible (and in modern history), God listens and intercedes based on prayers of His people. Even if the converse is true (we cannot influence God’s actions), it would really have no bearing on whether or not we should pray… but that’s a discussion for a different blog! Let us humbly assume we can talk to God and sway His heart through praying. (Note: our hearts must be aligned with His. That is, we don’t change God’s mind however we want, God changes His mind because He’s a loving Father).Scripture: James 5:16, 1 John 5:14

God listens and answersWhen you pray to God, your prayers are heard. There are many passages of scripture which explain this, but it’s important we don’t take it for granted. The “God answers prayer” part is what can cause immature believers a crisis of faith – being immature is fine but staying immature isn’t. We may get frustrated when our prayers are unanswered. But, note that the Bible never says “God will always do what you ask no matter what”. God always answers, just not always with what we want. (“No”, and “not right now” are answers too).Scripture: 1 John 5, Hebrews 4

Ok, so we’re hopefully on the same page about prayer. Given our role as God’s children – and in intimate relationship with Him – prayer has staggering implications on our marriages! So how should I pray for Selena? How should you pray for your spouse?

I’ve found that I need to follow a logical progression for how I cover my bride with prayer. I like to start inside and work outward. As you pray for your spouse, make sure to pray for:

1: Their Heart

I don’t mean their physical heart, but their general softness of heart toward God and the Holy Spirit. Pray that they will be receptive to conviction (teachable); that they would continue to hear God and respond. Also pray that they would be refreshed by God – being constantly given new joy, hope, peace, and love. Ask God to protect their heart from attacks and temptation (Matt 6).

Just knowing that Selena covers me in prayer for my purity of heart (lust, financial idols, stress) gives me great confidence that she’s in my corner, fighting for me.

2: Their Mind

Wisdom and discernment. God has given us these incredible organs called “brains”. We can think, reason, and decide. Everyone makes decisions every day; pray that your spouse makes wise decisions big and small. Pray that they have a renewed mind, one that perceives and considers choices through God’s lens.

It could be said that the mind sees options and outcomes, but the heart chooses the right one (see #1 above). Pray for your spouse to have clarity of thought and focus as they go about their day – whatever task they’re putting their hands to, may it be completed wisely and diligently!

3: Their Health and Safety

Your spouse may be fighting off a sickness or working a perilous job. Pray for protection and health. Also, make sure to give God plenty of gratitude for when health and protection are evident! (Actually, give thanks ALWAYS, no matter the circumstance).

4: Their Concerns

When Selena is dealing with something difficult, I cover her in prayer. We often pray together when facing a tough time, but I have to remind myself to contend for her with God on my own. This is what compassion is all about: taking on someone else’s situation and burdens as your own.

Go to God on your spouse’s behalf, taking on their concerns as your own.

5: Their Purpose

Selena and I are one, and our purposes overlap quite a bit. By God’s grace we are working together toward a common goal… most of the time.

Selena is also a unique, special, gifted, and annointed woman with purpose specifically tailored to her. In fact, she’s God’s child before she’s my wife (whoa, heart check!). As her husband, it’s my role to support her in her God-ordained purpose by encouraging her, watching her back, offering counsel, and most of all, praying.

Now, Boldly Pray

So we’ve briefly covered some principles of prayer. It’s safe to say my review is not exhaustive. Make sure to dig into God’s word on your own to build up your prayer life, your faith, and your understanding about why you pray. You don’t need to know every theological detail about prayer to participate.

Just talk to God – He’s your loving Father who loves to hear from you. Ask God to show you how to pray, and remember your role as a prayer. As you pray, also remember your role as a spouse. You are in covenant with your husband or wife, and you are in covenant with God.

There’s power in the covenant you have with God, and one of the most beautiful aspects of that covenant is the ability to pray.