Turkey Day Stats to Tide You ‘Till Thanksgiving: Gobble with Me, Won’t Ya?

There’s a lot to be said about Thanksgiving, a holiday tainted with historical revisionism. Despite its past, however, today nearly 95% of all Americans celebrate the holiday in some way. Here are some easily digestible Turkey Day stats to get you in the Thanksgiving mood!

46 million: Number of turkeys eaten

1,100: Number of residential fires reported

1,100: Number of residents regretting buying that turkey fryer

80 million: Pounds of cranberry sauce consumed

55.9 million: Number of “Hand Turkeys” poorly sketched by schoolchildren

1: Number of patrons who used their belt to whip fellow customers at a Vancouver Black Friday Sale

50 million: Number of pumpkin pies eaten

50 million: Number of people who wish they could have had sweet potato pie instead

4: Number of unnecessary bathroom breaks taken to have one goddamn minute to myself, Steven!

Incalculable: Number of “uh-huh”s uttered to placate rambling family members

Happy Holidays, everybody! Be careful out there-especially if you’re Black Friday shopping in Vancouver and see someone coming at you with a belt.

Most of these facts were taken from real sources. Some weren’t. Look, it’s the holidays-lighten up!

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