Fluttershy really started to sound like Trixie during that scene, a mix of using 3rd person and telling Rarity and Pinkie no one gives a "flying feather" about what they do. She even called Pinkie simple.

Edit: Moved Trixie's and Fluttershy's mane and tail so they don't overlap with Trixie's face.

Edit02: FFFFFFFFUUUUU! When I made that edit I forgot to change the name to the better name which I didn't save.

Have in mind that I'm not too experienced in this "critique" thing. I'm doing this because you wanted critiques, and I think I can make good points. So, let's begin, shall we?

Let's divide this in segments. First, Vision: Well. It's a scene within the actual show, but with a twist. Nothing really new, so I'm giving you a 3/5. It's just a reimagined scene.

Originality: Well, it's original. I've never seen this with Trixie around. And the Star Wars reminiscences (I hope that's the correct spelling) just make it better. So, 4/5 for you!

Technique: Impeccable. The only thing holding a 5/5 back is a better management of expressions. Rarity and Pinkie Pie should feel insulted or offended by Fluttershy, yet they don't change their expressions.

Impact: Well, It's a "retelling" of a scene, with a twist. A good twist, and, for me, surprising enough to make it a 4.5/5. So, good enough.

Let's sum it up:

Vision: 3/5Originality: 4/5Technique: 4,5/5Impact: 4,5/5

Overall, good job and keep 'em coming!

I hope this is useful for you. As I said, I'm not experienced in critiques, but you were asking for one, so I gave you one. Also, if you find grammar or spelling errors, I'm sorry. English is not my mother tongue, so I'm prone to them. Keep that in mind.

Trixie: Remember back to your early teachings. Fluttershy. "All those who gain confidence are afraid to lose even that." Even old Fluttershy.

Fluttershy: old Fluttershy used her confidence only for helping others.

Trixie: helping others is a point of view, Fluttershy. And old Fluttershy's point of view is not the only valid one. The confidence of new Fluttershy believes in serenity and helping also, yet it is considered by old Fluttershy to be. . .

Fluttershy: . . . meaner.

Trixie: . . . from old Fluttershy's point of view. new Fluttershy and the old Fluttershy are similar in almost every way, including their quest for greater bravery. The difference between the two is that self confidence is not afraid of being meaner. That is why it is more powerful.

Fluttershy: The new Fluttershy relies on confidence for her strength. she thinks inward, only about herself.

Trixie: And the old Fluttershy didn't?

Fluttershy: The old Fluttershy was selfless . . . and only cared about others.

Trixie *smiles*

Trixie: Or so you've been trained to believe. Why is it, then, that she has asked you to do something you feel is wrong?

Fluttershy: I'm not sure it's wrong.

Trixie: Has she asked you to betray the Confidence? A friendship? Your own values? Think. Consider her motives. Keep your mind clear of assumptions. The fear of losing self confidence is a weakness of both the old Fluttershy and the new Fluttershy.

Fluttershy is deep in thought.

Trixie: (continuing) Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Pegesis "the brave"?

Fluttershy: No.

Trixie: I thought not. It's not a story other Pony's would tell you. It's a new Fluttershy legend. Darth Pagesis was a Dark Lord of bravery, so confidentl and so wise he could use shear nerve to influence the hormones to create bravery ... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from being afraid.

Fluttershy: He could actually save people from fear?

Trixie: The dark side of confidence is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

Fluttershy: What happened to him?

Trixie: He became so confident . . . the only thing he was afraid of was losing his confidence, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice scared him into insanity. (smiles) Pagesis never saw it coming. It's ironic he could save others from fear, but not himself.