Hungry for More: Romantic Fantasies for Women - just published! With stories by Tiffany Reisz, Greta Christina, D.L. King and more. 21 fantasies, from "Kitchen Slut" to a cougar to Craigslist sex to BDSM to bukkake to watching two men get it on, and more!

What kind of man would lie to his own wife about having cancer? A man desperate to avoid being saddled with life's responsibilities. A man like Paul.

On a miserable October afternoon, as he stares down at his brother's whiny new baby, Paul realizes he's run out of excuses. His wife wants a family, but the last thing Paul wants is dirty diapers and a constantly screaming stranger robbing him of sleep. Then a lump is discovered on his arm, and with a little elaboration, the parenthood question is rendered moot.

With the dwindling time he pretends he's got left, he intends to start looking out for number one. But his "cancer vacation" hits a snag when he meets a mother and son in an airport bar who turn everything around—and even bring Paul to the brink of a life he thought he never wanted—because sometimes a man's got to lose himself completely to discover who he really is.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I've never done anything but shop at a Borders so would love it if people want to join us tonight...me "in conversation" with Anna David, author of Party Girl, tonight at 7 at Borders Time Warner Center. Thankfully, this week has sufficiently kicked my ass so much that I'm no longer nervous! But please come!

I know you probably read the title of this post and were like "duh," but bear with me. This is my latest piece on The Huffington Post:

When I read about PABBIS (Parents Against Bad Books in Schools), I couldn't help but be intrigued. What's a "bad" book? I'm sure you have an answer to that, as do I, but for this group, "bad" isn't a subjective opinion about whether or not you enjoyed a particular work of literature, but rather a pejorative, objective ruling that seeks to limit the kinds of reading children do.

But PABBIS's list of "bad" books, which I found through a link from Maureen Johnson (who I got to via Galleycat), author of the recently embattled young adult novel, The Bermudez Triangle, cuts a wide swathe, ranging from Dorothy Allison's Bastard Out of Carolina to Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club, Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five, and Richard Wrights's Black Boy.

I have been dying to read Wendy Shalit's second book, Girls Gone Mild, since I first heard about it. I've been requesting a copy since February and although one was apparently sent to me, I never received it. Grr...another is on its way (and I've heard I get mentioned in it too). This interest, and not a pejorative one, would've been shocking to me five years ago. I'm not gonna lie; I thought Shalit and her views, as expressed in A Return to Modesty, were retro and awful and bordering on evil. I'm not going to now say I totally agree with them BUT ever since I interviewed Wendy last fall for my Village Voice column on virginity and have been reading her group blog at Modesty Yours, I've been impressed with the the tenor of debate and her approach at the blog. I'm impressed that she attended a Cuddle Party (undercover) and interviewed people like Lux Nightmare for her book.

Also for the first time, in Girls Gone Mild, we hear from the youngest feminists--teenagers who, the author says, belong to a “fourth wave” of feminists who are not finding their place in today’s third-wave feminist establishment. They are more likely to want to fight pornography than to star in it, and they look to the original feminists who believed in dignity rather than to today’s feminists leaders who encourage them to embrace their “shadow slut.”

What's wrong with the exhibitionists? Don't you think women should express their sexuality?Some of my best friends are exhibitionists, actually. This book is definitely not meant to be a personal attack on them. The problem is that if we only focus on one narrow notion of empowerment--taking your clothes off in public, being casual about sex, that sort of wildness--then girls don't have real choices. We have to allow for another idea of empowerment, and I wanted to detail what that looks like, so girls would have an alternative ideal to aspire to.

It's not inconceivable that one could believe in a world where everyone's entitled to sexual freedom, as I do, that encompasses a range of choices from modesty to exhibitionism.

I've learned a lot from Wendy's site and her example, and while I'm sure we disagree on many things, I've found the dialogue intelligent and useful and don't see us as such polarized people anymore and if that's the one huge takeaway I have from writing my old column, I'm grateful.

Also, I'm always fascinated by fabulous author websites. Shalit's got one at www.girlsgonemild.com (with a blog, author's note, FAQ, etc.) as does (total non sequitor) the anthology Alone in the Kitchen With an Eggplant, which it wouldn't be an understatement to say I'm devouring. And just so I don't lose all of you more sex radical types, I will say that I also cannot wait to crack open Ellen Sussman's anthology Bad Girls: 26 Writers Misbehave. I would say it's a contradiction, but actually, I don't think it is. I think I have a part of me that is, unabashedly, a "bad girl" in the Sussman vein, but I do also care about girls and women (and boys and men) having a range of sexual options and not being coerced into acting against their own best interests. Sorting out what's "natural" and what's culture-driven is, well, a huge task, and I'm interested in both "sides" of this debate. Shalit's work, though, I think has matured and is far more interesting to me than that of, say, Haley DiMarco, who I can basically feel the judgment coming off of via the pages of her books. It took a while but I had to learn that Wendy Shalit isn't necessarily judging me, so nor should I judge her (but I will post my thoughts about the book and hopefully get to interview Shalit soon). I meant "judge" on a personal/moral level, not judge another person's work. If we could all learn to separate the two, we'd be a lot better off.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

J.A. Konrath says that as a writer, you should always have your “game face” on. I read that post and nodded my head…then shook my head in awe/envy. I wish I could be like that all the time. I wish I could let things fly right by me and not focus on the negatives. I wish I could “remain upbeat” and “project an aura of success,” both on this blog and in real life. But, and of course, I’m only speaking for myself, so but…I can’t, because that is not me. Someone once told me I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s so, so true. I wish I didn’t, but I’m trying to learn to accept myself and my idiosyncracies, so that’s one thing that I just can’t do. I have very high highs and very low lows and certainly in recent weeks I’ve considered going back to therapy and wondered if I am not a perfect candidate for antidepressants, and maybe I am, but generally laziness/lack of time has meant I haven’t pursued that. It's not all low, certainly, but when it is, even great news seems like just so-so news.

I think it's also overload. I get to a point where I really cannot take in any more information and when some of it comes along and tries to weasel its way inside my brain, I just collapse. Sometimes literally. I find myself longing to curl up on the floor like I do at home, under blankets, and just bury my head until it's clear. I try to get through it but new hurdle arise and while I know, deep down, if new tasks didn't appear I would create them, in the moment, it's not fun, and it can make me forget why I ever wanted to be a writer.

I’ve been doing what I can and hoping that’s enough. Certainly, it never feels like enough. There is always something I haven’t done, something that I’m behind on, something I can berate myself for. The one commitment I have been keeping is going to Crossfit and there I am seeing progress, although I know it’s going to be slower than I might like. I’m stubborn, though, and as much as I know, say, a number on a scale isn’t the whole story, I hated seeing that number there the other day. It made me feel lazy, sloppy, like I’m not giving this my all, even though I know I am.

I also know that this has been both an incredible and a very rough year. Again, high highs and low lows. I’ve realized that I’m a natural slacker, and that the only reason I actually go to the gym is that I’ve committed to someone else to do it. My commitments to myself…meaningless.

I think the problem with being unrelentingly optimistic, or even not, is that people conjure up crazy ideas about you. Well, maybe not crazy, but if one more person says to me, “I have no idea how you do so much,” I will go mad. Believe me, I don’t either, and because I don’t think it reflects well on me, I don’t chronicle here every failure, of which there are many. I don’t tell you about all the books that fell through, the missed deadlines, the waking up and hating myself. Or at least, I try not to all the time because I do know that’s not attractive. I do know people want perky and fun and lively, as Konrath says, but I also know that’s not really me. Sometimes it is, but often it isn’t. And while on some level, I do believe in “fake it till you make it,” at other times, you just have to give in and let yourself feel crappy.

Like today. I slept in front of the ac but still was hot and sticky and overslept and was just out of sorts. I’m probably PMSing, plus everyone wanted everything ASAP, and I just lost it at a certain point. It wasn’t pretty and I don’t want to be that girl crying in the bathroom and feeling like a failure, but yes, today I was. It was a relief to finally give in to that, to let myself cry and be the mess outside that I was inside.

But I think that there is logic to Konrath’s idea, because if I were more like that, maybe I wouldn’t get so freaked out when random people tell me they read my blog. It’s weird because of course you write, a blog or an article or anything, because you want people to read it. Yet when faced with the reality of that, I get freaked out. It’s unnerving and I guess I have to examine a little more why that’s so. I think I was rude to someone today and I didn’t mean to be, but again, I was so rundown inside, I couldn’t bring the game face and I think part of why I’m so grateful for my friends is that they can take me with or without the game face.

Anyway, it’s stress week from hell, so this is just a little dispatch from it, aka procrastination, probably the thing I’m best at. I know next week, and next month, and especially next year, things will seem easier, at least, I hope they will, but right now I'm just muddling along and crossing my fingers.

There are surely more that I'm forgetting, but I started this post last week (and already missed the deadline for this Hijas Americanas contest, but bookmark/add their blog to your RSS feed cause they seem to have contests regularly) and left it so long that some of the contests expired. Whoops! So in the interest of being timely rather than thorough, here you go.

A few bright spots in an otherwise over-the-top stressful week. Another plug tomorrow but please consider coming to the Borders Q&A I'm doing with Anna David tomorrow night at 7 pm at Time Warner Center - see book cover at left.

Things have been beyond hectic (more on that later) so everything's catch as catch can (and yes, that's me and my fridge in this week's Time Out New York Singles issue, though my fridge has since undergone a drastic update and is filled with chicken and fish and other paleo diet goodness). I did have three recent short story sales (though these aren't out for a while) that perked me up and have ideas for many more, just need to type them up at some point and hope I haven't forgotten them. If anyone's looking to write short erotica, you should submit to my friend Alison Tyler's book of under 1,500 word stories. I certainly will be and love the word limit cause it forces me to be short and succinct and saves time. The only other thing I've really been doing is working out at Crossfit, though major work awaits me. I'm up to 150 pounds on back squats and 115 on deadlifts, which is cool.

My story "Fucking Santa" is going to be in Alison's Naughty or Nice?

AI sold two stories, "Heart-Shaped Box" and "Clean and Dirty," to Ultimate Lesbian Erotica 2008

And I just now got word that my story "Photo Finish" will be in Ultimate Gay Erotica 2008. I'm always extra proud of any gay male smut I sell.

Speaking of anthologies, I have a few in the works that I hope to have news for you about soon. Keep your fingers crossed. In the meantime, back to the word madness.

Here's my introduction to my August anthology Crossdressing: Erotic Stories - hope it whets your appetite for more. As I said, rereading all the stories made me realize that this is one of my hottest books and should appeal not just to crossdressers and their fans but anyone who likes a good dirty story. So many of the pieces are about the tease, the allure, the hidden secrets, knowing and not knowing, and I think that makes them all the more interesting. Super high quality all around and I can't wait to see this one on shelves!

The Amazon copy reads:

From femmes who channel Marlene Dietrich in the sexiest of suits to men who love nothing more than the feel silky panties stretched tight against their skin, these characters boldly indulge their fantasies of being a girl — or a guy — for a night. Drag queens get dolled up for a night on the town, a dyke packs a special surprise beneath her dress, and a devoted husband puts his dress-up skills to the ultimate test in this seductive new collection.

And my intro followed by the TOC

Crossing Boundaries and Bending Genders

Crossdressing spans such a wide range of possibilities, erotic and otherwise, that the only thing we can safely say brings the mélange of its practitioners under one umbrella is that they dress (sometimes or all the time) in the clothing of another gender. In an age when gender is becoming increasingly fluid, deconstructed, questioned, and sometimes abandoned, we can begin to see the idea and reality of crossdressing in a new light.

This book focuses on the erotic pleasures of crossdressing, while also touching on the life-changing, mind-melting, earth-shifting experiences that can come from actively playing with one’s gender. For some characters, crossdressing means transgressing, transforming, subverting the rules to enter another body in order to enter another world, literally or figuratively. Sometimes it gives them permission to go where they’d be unwanted otherwise. For other characters, playing with their attire lets their minds create the fantasy creature they’ve always longed to be. It means acting, homecoming, freedom. Sometimes, it’s a fun, risqué adventure, a break from the ordinary, a chance to see what might happen if you slipped into a dress or suited up. Would you be the same person? Would you feel the same? Would you get turned on in the same way? These questions and more get tackled in Crossdressing, though the answers are as varied as we are.

When these characters don the clothes of another gender, or another gender role, they find not just their bodies but their minds altered in powerful ways. What was once forbidden is now acceptable⎯or maybe it’s still taboo but even hotter because of it. When they literally step into someone else’s shoes, their bodies, minds, and libidos can explore passions they might not dare voice otherwise. Whether it’s the bra, panties, and garter tucked away under the charcoal-gray business suit or the bound breasts flattened under a drag king’s snazzy attire, clothes, as more than one character here can attest, do “make the man”⎯or woman, though the person inside those clothes creates his or her power from within as well.

In Stephen Albrow’s “More Than Meets the Eye,” his businessman protagonist has a secret under his suit that’s his private treasure, until he chooses to share it: “My Brooks Brothers shirt is thick enough to cover up my white satin bra and garter belt, but not so thick that I can’t feel the garter belt’s lace trim as I run my fingertip over my abs. Just knowing this little bit of Suzy is there is enough to calm my nerves.” Part of his narrator’s delight is in fooling those around him. Yet revealing Suzy to her special lover is a bold thrill that yields untold rewards, and it’s this push-pull of discovery and secrecy, of flaunting and hiding, of male and female that makes the story come alive.

These stories are not just about crossing genders but about living with the duality of one within the other, mixed together, mingling—the experience of living as one changing how a person lives as the other. Ashley Laine, the sensual, seductive drag queen narrator of Tulsa Brown’s exquisitely rendered “Temporary,” reveals the fear that haunts her at being found out: “When his thick fingers began to creep under my panties, I edged away, afraid to ripple the surface of his fantasy.” Yet she proceeds, risking rejection for the joy of bringing that duality together into her erotic life. You can feel the shivers Rory delivers to her with the words “Oh, girl”—two simple but powerful words that encapsulate the crux of both Brown’s story and this collection as a whole. When these characters⎯men, women, and those in between or neither at all⎯are finally able to be recognized for their chosen selves, the thrill goes far beyond the sexual.

Yet sex, desire, lust, and longing are front and center throughout, even as more complex gender dynamics come into play. In Debra Hyde’s “Just Like a Boy,” we learn that simply turning oneself into a “boy” is not enough for her narrator. She longs to be the boy of her childhood dreams, not “an androgyne in boy’s clothes.” Yet her venture into male territory isn’t only for her but for her lover, Matthias, as well. Hyde draws out the tension in this dominant/submissive relationship, where power gets exerted in twisted, yet intriguing, ways.

The power of uniform gets invoked in Lisabet Sarai’s humorous “Beefeater,” in which a young British woman mocks family⎯and tradition⎯to dress in the garb of the Yeoman Warders guarding the Tower of London. The secrecy of her mission, combined with the defiant naughtiness of their endeavor, had me rooting for them with all the fervor of anyone who’s deliberately disobeyed, half-hoping to get punished.

Crossdressers themselves aren’t the only ones here with a tale to tell. In T. Hitman’s “Higher and Higher,” Pete pretends to be his naughty alter ego, Nate, when he hires Roni, a “dudette” who shows Pete a few tricks as she turns one, worshipping him in ways nobody else ever has. His internal dilemma, caught between sheer arousal and propriety, between who he thinks he should desire and who he actually does, gives us a peek into how those who lust after crossdressers of any variety also struggle to embrace their wants.

In Crossdressing, you’ll find men in panties, butches in dresses, girls looking like boys, drag queens, drag kings, and those who can’t be tidily summed up by their outer appearance. You’ll find men who want to be men, only prettier, and women who don’t have penis envy per se, but don’t always want to be the little lady. In short, you’ll find people across the sexual-orientation spectrum fucking with gender and gender roles⎯and simply fucking.

At one point, looking at herself in the mirror, Brown’s drag queen says, “Some people might call this a fantasy, but it was my deepest truth.” Here you get hot fantasy, fiction, and the kind of truth that really matters, the kind that gets under our skin, under our clothes, under our disguises to a place that speaks to us deep in our erotic souls. Whatever you’re wearing right now (or not), I hope you’ll join me on this tour across stages real and imagined, where the limits of gender-bending are in the eyes of the beholder.

Mon 25th Jun, 07

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #86? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I'll have to take birthday girl GirlyNYC's word that this is delicious:

I am flirting with The Paleo Diet, (just started reading it this weekend and plan to make some of the recipes as soon as I can hunt down flaxseed oil - Key Food didn't have it) but can't give up my yogurt or dark chocolate (or, like, soy sauce). But I did make scallops last night and plan to spend much of the summer in my apartment reading, writing, and testing out new dishes. Pretty much the usual, with the addition of some cooking. As social as I can be on occasion, I really craze solitude too, so weekends I sometimes just need to make no real plans, save for my Saturday workouts and my new Sunday writing group. Loving them both. Yes, my life is dead boring, though I do have BlogHer and then immediately afterward, my British friend Kate visiting. I kinda like it boring though; I feel like my job right now is to bang out crazy amounts of words, pay off my loans, and drool over babies, and on those fronts I'm doing fairly well, I think.

Other than that, going to Crossfit five times a week is my main extracurricular activity. In part, I like it because Allison is just a really incredible trainer. Granted, I've never had one before, but she gets me to do things I don't even think I'm capable of, and, in many ways, even more than being able to lift crazy huge weights (though I can't yet squat more than my not-pretty-number body weight, sadly - must work on dropping poundage ASAP so I can at the very least say I can lift my own weight), her encouragement and pushing me to keep progressing is what I'm most excited about. It's so gratifying to be able to see how certain things have gotten easier, whlie others remain difficult.

Today, I weighed myself and I don't think it was the wisest decision. I'm normally very anti-scale and hadn't weighed myself in ages, and I'm not sure that doing so really helped. It made me feel kinda crappy, like even though I've been busting my ass at Crossfit for 7 weeks and counting (this is the 8th week), that icky number on the scale made me feel like it's all for naught. I know I'm gaining muscle and all that, I'll just be much happier when the scale reads, like, 30 pounds less than it did today. At the same time, I'm not rushing anything or going crazy with food, just trying to up my fruit and vegetable and protein intake, and sleep, and all that. If all of this manages to get me to quit Diet Coke, we'll know that the RKB life makeover is, if not complete, very close to it. In the meantime, that gym is probably the one bright spot in an otherwise overloaded to do list and constant feelings of guilt. I'm working on all of it, hence the hermitude. I will be at Borders this Thursday though, 7 pm, Time Warner Center, see Party Girl book cover at left. Nervous, but excited too.

My new book Crossdressing: Erotic Stories, with a kickass foreword by Veronica Vera, is SO SO hot. Seriously. I had almost forgotten and I love it even more cause crossdressing isn't my personal fetish but it just may be now after reading all these stories. It'll be out before you know it - August! Will post my intro to it soon. Forging ahead on many, many fronts at the same time.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

I put "memoir" in quotes not because my story isn't true, but because I'm always hesitate to separate out sex from the rest of what's going on in one's life, but I had to hone in on something to make this work. Also, I can barely remember the last time I made out with someone (okay, I do remember it, and I actually think it might have been captured on film, but you know what I mean), so the idea of recounting my spankerrific days seems a little fanciful, but hopefully that's just me.

I'm one of the authors in Marilyn Jaye Lewis's new anthology of erotic memoirs Entangled Lives that was just published by Alyson. I chose to focus on spanking because, well, I love it, and I couldn't think of anything else to write about, so my piece is called (in loving homage to Sophie Kinsella) "Confessions of a Spankaholic." Here's an excerpt, and check out the site for more from Lewis, Amie M. Evans, Bill Brent, Rob Stephenson, Ian Phillips and Greg Wharton - very appropriate Pride weekend reading:

“I was breathlessly recounting our drunken antics, with all four of us piled onto the couch in various formations, when Natalie none-too-decorously pulled the phone out of my grasp and shouted a goodbye before flinging it onto the floor. “You can talk to him later; we need you now,” she said before pulling my face to hers and kissing me lustily. Beside us, Sean and Jane were groping each other, and soon Natalie was spanking me, her hands just as powerful as I’d imagined them to be. Soon she got out the pretty fur-lined paddle, showing little mercy with its more tender side as the leather whacked my ass again and again. I rested my head against Jane’s back as I got more and more turned on. “I want to try,” Jane shouted when Natalie took a momentary break from roasting my ass. My magenta-haired friend jumped up, then pulled off her skirt and settled herself across Sean’s lap, leaving her in the perfect position to be spanked. While Jane was just getting started, Natalie had already warmed up her spanking arm on me, and brought the paddle crashing down onto Jane’s ass with a resounding smack that made us all jump a little. “Ow!” yelled Jane almost indignantly, even as she raised her pale butt cheeks into the air for more. I knew she wasn’t used to such a vigorous pounding, and stared in delight as Natalie did what she did best...”

What I really take away from the site is that I need to get my ass in gear about doing anthology-specific websites, but right now I'm up to my eyeballs in writing and proofreading. Maybe for 2008 and definitely for Everything But...

Certainly not I. I feel like I've been a bad blogger, but sometimes you've gotta be a bad blogger to become a so-so novelist, or something like that. When I'm not freaking the hell out about everything I haven't done of late, I feel good. (It's kinda minute to minute.) More on this soon, but you may notice on the lower left hand side the logo for Crossfit, where I'm training with Allison five times a week - that's what's keeping me sane, not to mention strong. I love that in the past seven weeks I've already progressed so much and that what sounds virtually impossible (140 pound back squat) becomes totally doable. So anyway, don't expect prompt email replies or to see much of me for a while, I'll just throw out a big ass blanket apology. Just trying to get through the madness that is this summer.

This weekend is way too crazy and today I'm gonna try to do a few things, though tomorrow I'm opting out of Pride to go to my new writing group, my very first. Can't wait. Here's a little bit of what NYC offers this weekend:

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I'm quoted in this Orlando Sentinel article about cupcakes (albeit as "Rachel Kramer Bissel") - it's totally worth it just for the adorable photo of a kid pointing at cupcakes:

The rise in popularity of upscale versions of the homey treats mirrors one of the hottest restaurant menu trends in the country: bite-sized desserts, according to a survey of more than 1,000 chefs at the 2007 Restaurant Show held last month in Chicago.

Rachel Kramer Bissel, founder of cupcakestakethe cake.blogspot.com, has monitored the cupcake buzz online for several years.

"There's a real cupcake community," says Kramer Bissel. "For a lot of people, the cakes recall a kidlike fun thing, but it's the adult sensibilities that are driving the high end of the businesses. Decorations are getting fancier, and you see a lot more color. Cupcakes even are turning up at benefits and Hollywood parties."

In New York, Kramer Bissel uses the blog to organize "Cupcake Meetups" at bakeries around town.

"Cupcakes are social," says Kramer Bissel. "They get people excited. Brownies and cookies can't do that."

The article also features a recipe for carrot, orange and raisin cupcakes and they've got tips on cupcake making as well.

...author Lisa Adams, a s'mores s'maven, hopes to elevate her favorite dessert with 60-plus variations and to "reinvigorate your love affair with this venerable dessert sandwich."

She shows how to make them on the stove top and in the microwave. How to add different ingredients. (Croissants sub for graham crackers in the chocolate-raspberry croissant s'more.) She even has s'mores that don't remotely resemble s'mores, like the Black Forest cupcake s'more (chocolate cupcake, fresh cherries, chocolate chips and marshmallow).

August 10th is National S'mores Day! August 30th is National Toasted Marshmellow Day!The first publication of the "Official S'more Recipe" was in the Girl Scouts newsletter, published by the Girl Scouts in 1927.

What do you think of the idea that artists, especially writers, need to have some sort of addiction, in order to create? How has your creative process and writing output changed since becoming sober?

Well, the first time I did cocaine alone, I wrote a spec script for Third Rock From The Sun, a show I'd never actually seen, that was actually good, in a night. I thought, Okay, I've found the not-so-hidden secret: this is how I'll manage to be as prolific as I've always fantasized I could be.

Last night's In The Flesh was one of the best yet, and magically, today my contributor copies of Jolie du Pre's anthology Iridescence: Sensual Shades of Lesbian Erotica came in the mail so I can finish reading her story "Monisha." We'll have photos up soon; thanks to everyone who came out, took photos (at the end I had all the authors join me for a photo and I swear there were five cameras aimed our way). Here's what I've got coming up in July (you can see August's lineup here) and on September 19th, I'm bringing back some of my favorite readers, like the awesome Marie Lyn Bernard, who was in attendance last night along with a gaggle of super-cute girls. I can now safely say that I am publishing her kickass story she read at In The Flesh, "Fucking Around," in the anthology I've edited for Seal Press (actually, I edited it for Carroll & Graf but Seal is going to publish it, which I couldn't be more thrilled about). More on that TK when I have a title and pub date and all those things that go into actually making a real book.

I got some interesting feedback about the reading, and I always love to hear what worked/what didn't. I know I was running late and was a bit flustered, but I read my story "A Cute Idea" from my upcoming anthology Crossdressing: Erotic Stories and it went over well. But still, I can write about almost anything, but reading it aloud is another story. Sometime I pull it off, and I do get a high off being amongst friends and strangers, hearing words read aloud in the author's voice, seeing when people laugh and when they get uncomfortable and when they get turned on. All in all, though, I'm much more comfortable behing the comfort of the computer screen, or as hostess, or next week (at Borders! I still can't get over that one), interviewer. I'm getting better about it, and also know that the best I can ever do is be me. Like at that debate about porn at CUNY, my voice shook. I wasn't as sure of myself as I was when doing my research, but I pulled it off, and I want to work on that. I've gotten the hang of this reading series thing and have come to welcome that time, all the heightened energy and running around and sugar feeding frenzy and dirty words. I feel like it's a cozy, sexy space that I hope makes people who attend want to come back. I'm honored that people like Lillian Ann Slugocki, who I read way back before I ever though I could actually have a book with my name on it, when I was so busy dreaming I forget to actually write things down, or I psyched myself out as I still do today, I'm thrilled that someone of her stature wants to read at my series and that I get to publish her too (in that Seal book, which also has Carol Queen and Sofia Quintero and lots of other totally hot stories which I can't wait to share with all of you).

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne PortnoySofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited numerous erotica anthologies, most recently He’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Male dominance and Female Submission, She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Gothamist, Mediabistro, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Louisa Burton is a novelist and the author of the Hidden Grotto series of epic erotic fantasy, in which the beings mythologists call “sexual demons”—incubi, succubi, satyrs, and the like—have lived among us for thousands of years.. The series grew out of Louisa’s fascination with Victorian erotica, history, and mythology. House of Dark Delights, which was released in February 2007, is also being published in Germany. The second book in the series, Bound in Moonlight, comes out in December, and Louisa is currently writing the third, Whispers of the Flesh. www.louisaburton.com

Myriam Gurba is a high school teacher who lives in Long Beach, California, home of Snoop Dogg and the Queen Mary. Her first novel, Dahlia Season, was published recently by Manic D/Future Tense Books. She graduated from UC Berkeley, and her writing has appeared in anthologies like Best American Erotica (St. Martin's Press), Bottom's Up (Soft Skull Press), Secrets and Confidences (Seal Press), and Tough Girls (Black Books).www.dahliaseason.com

Aimee Herman has been described as Woody Allen with a vagina. No subject is too risque for her to write. She currently has two chapbooks of poetry out (tastes like cheesecake, if these thighs could talk) and recorded a spoken word CD available through cdbaby.com/AimeeHerman. She does not believe in warnings or disclaimers. All words are meant to inspire/offend/induce perspiration nausea/ and indigestion. Comments, questions, and suggestions for new sexual positions may be sent to:writerslashpoet@aol.com

Lillian Ann Slugocki, an award winning feminist writer, has created a body of work on women and their sexuality which includes fiction, non-fiction, plays and monologues which have been produced on Broadway, Off-Broadway, Off-Off Broadway and on National Public Radio. Her work has been published in books, journals, anthologies, and on-line; including Salon.com. She has been reviewed in The New York Times, The Village Voice, Art in America, The New Yorker, The Daily News, The New York Post, and recently in London; Time Out, The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph and The London Sunday Times.

Maddy Stuart paints and programs computers in a cold Canadian city. Her writing has appeared in Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories about Feet and Shoes and Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage, both in the Fetish Chest series. www.maddystuart.com

This Gay Pride month, come celebrate queerness in all its rainbow of colors with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender erotica from the country’s finest queer authors at In The Flesh! Featuring Radclyffe (Erotic Interludes, Bold Strokes Books), Jolie du Pre (Iridescence), JD Glass (Punk Like Me), Michael Luongo (The Voyeur, Between the Palms), Jay Lygon (Hot Cops), and a short video of Peggy Munson reading from her novel Origami Striptease. Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Up All Night, Glamour Girls, First-Timers). Free cupcakes and candy will be served).

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Aka, I really need to read this book, my awesome friend Judy McGuire's How Not to Date. Out in December and none too soon. Without having read a word, I already recommend it because Judy's an excellent advice columnist and in the many dating mishaps I've gotten myself into since I've known her, her advice has stood out as particularly wise, useful, rational, and coming from experience.

On that note, more on the personal ad that wasn't soon. I am too focused on squats, situps, pushups (but only the single person variety, not this madness) and pullups, not to mention, um, umpteen deadlines, to be lamenting my single status these days.

I wanted to do a whole big blinged out post about how much I freaking love Fresh Yarn and am so, so honored to have my essay "Three Little Words" published there. It's about babies, and love, and baby love, a topic I could probably go on and on about. It doesn't even phase me that this was written in November and, well, that shows. This little smidgen will have to suffice for now.

But if the past week has taught me anything, it's that having un corazon grande is not about being bitter, not for me anyway. It's not about lamenting all that I don't have, but being grateful for what I do. It's about trying to be my best self, and hopefully encouraging other people to be theirs. More on that soon, I guess you could say it's a combination of the golden rule and the serenity prayer and that right now, I'm working hard on, well, me. At Crossfit (135 pound back squat!!) and in my head.

I feel a little more peaceful. Still buzzing away, still a bit of a need to hibernate, still way behind, but more peaceful, and, I hope, getting more maternal as I grow up. I think that maternal instinct needn't only be applied to actual children. For me, it's much larger than that and the "baby hunger" as some would call it has actually opened me up to figuring out who and how I want to be in this world, and whether I can be someone I'm proud of. Not always, but working towards it. And being published on one of my favorite websites, coming full circle, since I discovered the site, I think, via Elise Miller's starfucking essay "Some Great Reward," feels like a huge acknowledgement that I'm headed in the right direction.

A reminder about Wednesday's In The Flesh, for which I have even more candy and free books and even porn DVDs to give away. Also, next Thursday, I'm so honored to get to be "in conversation with" Party Girl author Anna David. I'll be interviewing her soon for Huffington Post and have much more to say about her fabulous book (combination great beach read/soulful, important messages about addiction), but you can read more for yourself at www.partygirlthebook.com and at her blog, Annalytical. If you have any burning questions for Anna, email them to me at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com with "Anna David" in the subject line and I'll see what I can do.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Andy Mo Beasley, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Susan Wright, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for Gothamist.com and Mediabistro.com, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited several erotica anthologies, most recently He’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Male dominance and Female Submission, She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Gothamist, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York and Velvetpark. www.rachelkramerbussel.com

Jolie du Pre is a writer of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her stories have appeared on numerous websites, in e-book and in print in Best Lesbian Erotica 2007 and more. Jolie is the editor of Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, published by Alyson Books. She is also the founder of GLBT Promo (www.glbtpromo.com) a promotional group for GLBT erotica and erotic romance.www.joliedupre.com

JD Glass, lead singer of “Life Underwater” and inveterate doodler of eye-candy, is the author of Lambda Literary Award finalist Punk Like Me, its follow up Punk And Zen, and has had short stories published in Erotic Interludes 4 and 5 (all published by Bold Strokes Books). She lives in the city of her choice and birth, New York, with her beloved partner. While waiting for the June 2007 release of Red Light, JD’s currently writing her next novel, American Goth, and penning reviews for Prism Comics (titles will include L&R, the final story-arc for SiP, Small Favors, Jane’s World, and Max & Lilly. Oh, and a little X-Men because, hey, why not).

Michael Luongo is a New York based freelance writer, editor and photographer. His work has appeared in the New York Times, The Advocate, The Chicago Tribune, Bloomberg News, Gay City News and many other publications. He is Senior Editor for Haworth’s Out in the World gay travel collection, putting out books like the erotic collection Between the Palms and Gay Travels in the Muslim World. He writes the Frommer’s Buenos Aires, and travels primarily in Latin America and the Middle East, preferring unusual destinations where being gay is challenging such as Afghanistan. Alyson Books recently published his first novel, The Voyeur, about a gay sex researcher working in New York in the time of Giuliani, loosely based on his own experiences.www.michaelluongo.com

Jay Lygon’s stories can be found in Hot Cops, Inside Him, and on Clean Sheets and the Erotica Readers and Writer’s Association websites. Her novel, Chaos Magic, was recently published by Torquere Press.

Radclyffe is the author or editor of over twenty-five lesbian novels and anthologies, including the 2005 Lambda Literary Award winners Erotic Interludes 2: Stolen Moments and Distant Shores, Silent Thunder. She has selections in Best Lesbian Erotica 2006 and 2007, Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists, First-Timers, Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Lingerie and Underwear, and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. She is also the president of Bold Strokes Books, an independent LGBT publishing company.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

We had a lot of people (the most ever at our meetups!), around 50, at our cupcake picnic yesterday in Central Park. The weather was sunny and cooperative and the amazing creations were delicious and creative. I sampled a German chocolate cupcake from Buttercup, a super yummy chocolate mint cupcake, and Allison's spicy chocolate cupcakes. There were many more cupcake flavors on hand, among them mango margarita cupcakes, piña colada, rose petal, peanut butter, carrot cake, red velvet, and raspberry lemonade. We're a creative bunch!

I want to know what kinds of vitamins you take, and how often.I want to know how you sleep when you’re alone.I want to know about the last time you cried, and why.I want to know how you react when babies make funny faces at you.I want to know what you do when your world feels like it’s collapsing.I want to know if you’ve ever shredded any documents.I want to know what you think about when you jerk off.I want to know if you screen your calls.I want to know what your favorite item of clothing is.I want to know your biggest vice.I want to have silly, private jokes that would never make sense to anyone else.I want to watch you sleep.I want to send you cards, just because.I want to know how often you look at yourself in the mirror.I want to know if you have any tattoos, and if you don’t, if you’ve come close to getting one.I want to know who’s broken your heart the most intensely, and whether you still think about them.I want to know what your drug (illegal or otherwise) of choice is.I want to know what it’s like to kiss you for hours.I want to watch you flirt (not with me).I want to know your favorite restaurant.I want to meet your oldest friends and hang out with them alone and grill them about you.I want to see your yearbook photo.I want to know the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone.I want to know if you have a five-year plan (even though I kindof hope you don’t).I want to know if you already have the names of your kids picked out.I want to know your favorite household chore.I want to know if you have a favorite sex toy.I want to know your favorite dirty word.I want to know things I couldn’t think to ask until I look into your eyes.

More of my smut from the archives. It's surreal to reread old stories; even with these short shorts, I see so many repetitions and places I could improve, ways that writing the Lusty Lady column and just the last few years working with words full-time have honed my writing. But I'm still proud of all the old stuff and in the middle of adding stories to my site, so here's one from Carol Queen's Five Minute Erotica anthology, which came out in 2003. A second volume will be out in December, featuring two of my stories, "Our Little Secret" and "Nurse Feelgood." More on those later, but for now, a short little story that brought me back to San Francisco sluttiness and a night at the Luxor from my twenties. I still have longish hair but it's shorter than it once was. Also funny is how far I've come, sexually, I guess. Some of this reads to me like I'm practically a virgin. But that's why I think writing is so important, to me, anyway; it captures a specific moment or idea, which we are free to expand upon or change as we grow up.

The Real Reason I Have Long Hair

by Rachel Kramer Bussel

My grandmother wants me to cut my hair. I don’t want to. I can’t tell her why, but I can tell you.

It all started after a night out with a friend. We were sitting in her car after she’d driven me home. I’d called the friend I was staying with minutes earlier to let her know that I’d be home soon I learned over to give her a hug and thank her for the evening, and in a split-second the entire tenor of the evening changed. It went from an innocent hug to a goodnight kiss, and then t happened: she pulled my hair. And she didn’t pull it lightly, by the split ends, the kind of tug a 6-year-old uses to tease the girl sitting next to him. No, it wasn’t like that t all. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced before. She grabbed my hair by its roots near the back of my neck, and, using a surprising amount of force, tugged me by the hair. I felt that pull run right through my body and my cunt tighten. With each pull, I felt almost like I was getting fucked, or teased, the way the intensity built up and up until I could hardly breathe. It was a magical, thrilling moment that not only caught me off guard but also got me as aroused as I’ve ever been.

Having long hair has always been a sensual experience for me. When I’m naked after a shower and my hair has just dried, I love to lean back as far as I can and feel my hair across my back like a lover, brushing against the curves of my as. I love to tease my lovers with my hair, flicking it back and forth as I flirt, dangling it over their skin while we make love. I can use my long hair to flirt with, or to hide behind. It’s also a bit of a camouflage; some people make assumptions that girls with long hair are “nice” and we’re not supposed to be as brazen as girls who’ve copped all their locks off. Long hair is supposed to be a bit dowdy, a bit old-fashioned, but for me it’s not; it’s intimately connected to my sexuality. And in many ways my actions are like a girl with short hair; I’m very independent, headstrong, outspoken. But there is a totally girlish side of me, one that delights in something as seemingly retro as long hair.

Every time it’s too hot out or my hair gets too frizzy, I have the urge to take a pair of scissors and chop it off, lose the split ends and extra care long hair requires, become cooler, or dykier, in the process. But always, always, I resist. Long hair makes me feel powerful, sexy, beautiful, and every time I’ve cut it off, I’ve missed it desperately.

In a total act of topping from the bottom, I often command my lovers to pull my hair, hard. When they do, it sends shivers throughout my body, a current of energy channeling from the roots of my hair directly to my cunt. I et frenzied and frantic as they pull over and over, each tug building on the next. It’s like being teased, touched lightly or indirectly when you just want to be pounded hard. Because while having my hair pulled can bring me right up to the brink of orgasm, it alone is not enough, and that maddening tease, that thrill as the sensations chase me closer and closer, is like nothing else.

When I’m having an intense hair pulling session, I lose myself completely, get frantic and needy and one hundred percent out of control. I want things I’ve never wanted before when my hair is being pulled, things that scare me and test my boundaries. Tears spring to my eyes, but they’re not from a direct sense of pain, because it doesn’t hurt, at least not in the way I understand pain. When a lover pulls my hair just right, with that perfect combination of dominance and affection, my head bends back in pure submission and delight. Parts of me I don’t usually think of as erogenous zones come to life. The girl who pulled my hair and almost made me come under the street lamp also pinched my neck (nobody had ever done that before), precisely and deliberately coinciding with her hair pulling, sending further spasms throughout my splayed-out body.

On vacation with my lover, he was pulling my hair as I straddled him, our bodies rubbing together, and all of a sudden, I wanted him to slap me, hard, across the face. I’d never wanted that or anything like it before, and the thought and image scared me even as they turned me on. I opened my mouth but couldn’t get any words out, couldn’t voice this seemingly wrong desire. So he kept pulling my hair and biting my nipples, working me into such a frenzy I thought I would explode. I knew that all of this pain-as-pleasure stuff was new to him, but it was also new to me, in a way; I didn’t expect his hair pulling to have such an effect. It can totally make me lose my balance, both mental and physical, spin me and twist me around so I hardly know where I am or what I want. That kind of dizzying desire is scary, but also special (perhaps because it’s so scary).

It’s also a special kind of activity, not something I do with every lover. That very first night, what made it so special was the surprise element, the way I didn’t know what would come next or where she would take me. What makes me keep wanting more and more is that I still don’t know what will come next—what bizarre thoughts and fantasies will enter my mind and body when someone pulls my hair.

So now you know my secret, the reason I put up with the knots and tangles and hassles of having hair halfway down my back. It’s not just a fashion statement; it’s a sexual proclamation for those who are bold enough to handle it. Just don’t tell my grandmother.