Quarter final time. The smart money is on four home wins, but, apparently, statistically, there is always one that goes against the head. Let’s take a look.

Clermont?
No upset there, despite Montpellier having the amazing Johnny Beattie, Clermont have way too much for them. Upset chances: Nil.

Saracens?
Nah. Ulster have been slowly deflating like a leaky whoopee cushion for some time now, that slightly limp farting sound you hear is Sarries pack sitting on them. Upset chances: Nil.

Quins?
More or less full strength, at home, with their handsome – if giant-tongued – leader rested and raring to go and the wonderful Nick Evans at 10 directing operations. Against Munster, who although they have POC back, are in a state of stylistic transition, to which end have selected youngster Colostomy Ron at 10. Upset chances: Nil.

Toulon?
Here we have the outlier. The expensively assembled ancient might of Toulon versus Tigers, who, man for man, on paper at least, are superior in every way. Will home advantage be enough to swing it for Toulon? With the majestic Toby Flood unleashing England’s finest backline, this is the one to watch. Upset chances: Some.

Magnificent

So, there we have it. If you’re looking for one against the head, look no further than Tigers. You won’t regret it.

It’s a punchable XV, so I figure I don’t need that strong a justification. Brill player, best 7 and international captain of the last 5-10 years, magnificient cheat, and I wish he was English. I’d still enjoy it if he got Tuliagied like Ashton did a few years back.

Of course FD, if an unknown northerner walks up to you, punches you in the face without warning, then suggests a coffee and you agree, you’ve actually just accepted their marriage proposal. Works for both sexes too.

Non-rugby.
I’d quite like to batter Seb Vettel with my cricket bat.
Then break every finger in both hands to stop that No.1 gesture.
Shave his wavy head as well.
Maybe a swift kick in the baws.
And give him a shite car.
Plus make him live on solely Red Bull.
And insert Christian Horner into him, head first.

Punchables? How about the whole 1990 England team? Specifically Carling, Guscott, Moore. (I’m sure there would be a few English folk that would say Jeffrey, Calder, Chalmers!). I know that’s going back a bit, but who said it had to be now? I can hold a grudge with the best of them……….

F1 – I’m with Sag on Vettel, but not Di Resta or Webber (he’s 6’5”!).

On a different note – listening to a guy called Mark Kozelek doing AC/DC acoustically. It’s actually pretty damn good.

Sonia McLaughlin pisses all over Andy Nicol in a banal waste of space competition. She’s the world leader, the number 1, the head honcho, the top banana, the ne plus ultra, the ultimate, the duchess of the dull question, the tsarina of the superfluous, the Infanta of the inane, the baroness of the banal, the archduchess of the achingly bad “How do you feel …?” school of questions.

I once met him in the Adams street club, at the launch of a car magazine, i was baby sitting a producer of a well known racing videogame. when he came over and introduced him self, was the most polite, pleasant, charming multi millionaire with a super model girlfriend I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting… God I want to be like him when I grow up.