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There are those who say that Ninja Brian has always existed,
that he has had a profound but indirect influence on world
history, and that fear of his swift and merciless retribution
is the only thing that has prevented full-scale global war.

Then again, there are others who say that he’s some
dude from New Jersey who put on a ninja mask one day
when he was angry at his pet hamster Squeakums*
and refused to take it off afterwards.

Sometimes, there are no correct answers.

*now deceased; killed in a mysterious yachting accident.

There are those who say that Ninja Brian has always existed,
that he has had a profound but indirect influence on world
history, and that fear of his swift and merciless retribution
is the only thing that has prevented full-scale global war.

Then again, there are others who say that he’s some
dude from New Jersey who put on a ninja mask one day
when he was angry at his pet hamster Squeakums*
and refused to take it off afterwards.