Culture & Entertainment

How to handle conflict at the office

Culture & Entertainment

How to handle conflict at the office

Conflict is inevitable at work. Anyone with a job knows there’s often too much to accomplish and not enough time to accomplish it. With the stress of looming deadlines and overwhelming workloads, even the most easy going employee can get short tempered. Bad days happen. When they do, dealing with conflict is a challenge.

Sometimes, however, a colleague seems perpetually upset. They move from crisis to crisis, and spend the majority of their time venting frustrations or laying blame. Conflict starts to escalate—issues aren’t resolved, they only become more complex. When a professional problem starts to feel like a personal attack, you might be dealing with a high conflict personality. Thankfully, simple strategies taken from the field of conflict resolution can diffuse tension and help make sure you stay happy at work.

Author and conflict resolution specialist Bill Eddy is the co-founder and president of High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California. He has spent decades as a clinical social worker, attorney and mediator on a quest to understand conflict in families, couples and in the workplace.

Eddy cites four characteristics common in high conflict personalities: laying blame elsewhere; all-or-nothing thinking; unmanaged emotions; and extreme behaviour. “High conflict personalities blame somebody else—almost anybody—when things don’t go well for them,” Eddy writes in his book “It’s All Your Fault” 12 tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything. “Blaming others helps them feel better about themselves.” High conflict personalities allow emotion to get in the way of professional conduct, which is a major drain on both productivity and morale.

Eddy’s strategy works to stop the conflict before it spirals out of control. He advises that you give your colleague empathy, attention and respect. Sounds simple, but it's harder than you think. And in the heat of a personal attack, it will be the last thing you'll want to do.

Empathy

After feeling the initial brunt of your colleague’s upset, try to make a positive connection and empathize with how they are feeling, instead of getting defensive. Saying “I can hear how upset you are,” goes a long way toward calming someone down. Immediately, they feel heard. When you are empathic you level the playing field, showing you can relate to their experience. You don’t need to agree with the content of what's said, by the way—you’re simply making a connection that acknowledges where they’re at.

Attention

A statement like “Tell me what’s going on,” expresses that you want to understand what’s making them upset. High conflict personalities escalate when they feel no one is paying attention to their concern (even if the concern is outrageous). By taking a moment to hear them out while using good eye contact and nodding your head, you can make space for your colleague to cool off and think more rationally.

Respect

If you can find something to respect about your fellow worker or the situation itself, this will also serve to redirect high-conflict energy. “I respect the work that you’ve put into this project so far,” for example, is a helpful and positive statement that shifts focus to a more positive outlook.

“Remind yourself ‘it’s not about you!’” Eddy writes in a 2011 article at highconflictinstitute.com.“Don’t take it personally. It’s about the person’s own upset and lack of sufficient skills to manage his or her own emotions.” By giving empathy, attention and respect, you will pave the way for creative problem solving, instead of being on the receiving end of an inappropriate confrontation. And that will make things a lot more pleasant at the office.

Quick & Easy

Easy pasta salad recipes

Planning a picnic or family barbecue anytime soon? Give yourself one less thing to worry about and go for one of our easy pasta salad recipes. It's sure to be a hit!

Pasta salads are great to make ahead, and are absolute tops for large groups. They also take the cake for being an extremely versatile dish – with a host of added ingredients, toppings and dressings, simple pasta salads can go from humble side to star entrée in no time.

We asked Test Kitchen food specialist Amanda Barnier to share some top tips for preparing pasta salads, and why they're a crowd favourite. Here's what she had to share:

Pasta salads: the perfect make-ahead dish
"Pasta salads can easily be prepped in advance and can feed a crowd with little effort," Amanda says. "It can be made in advance and cooled immediately after cooking."

One important tip to remember, she adds, is to "add dressing the day it's being served, because it will quickly absorb the dressing."

Pasta salad favourites
"I like using cheese filled tortellini for a hearty salad. Soba and rice noodles are great with Asian dressings, whole grain and coloured pastas," Amanda says.

How to store pasta salads
"Keep salads well wrapped and refrigerated," she says. "Salad has the same storage life as its ingredients. Seafood is best eaten within 2 days, and chicken (within) 2 to 3 days. If traveling, be sure to store pasta salads in coolers packed with lots of ice."

"Proteins should not be within 4 C and 60 C for longer than a four hour period," she adds.

The long and short of it: best pasta shapes
"Short shapes are best with vinaigrettes and creamy dressings, and chunky ingredients such as chopped vegetables and beans," Amanda says.

Tips for making pasta salad
"If making a pasta salad in advance, rinse with cold water to stop the cooking process and drain well," she advises. "Add dressing just prior to serving. Pasta quickly absorbs liquids; if the dressing is added too soon, the pasta will absorb it."

So whether you prefer chunky pasta salads with a cool, creamy dressing perfect for summer picnics, or entrée-worthy pasta salads with long rice noodles and a tangy vinaigrette, you're sure to find a new favourite with from our collection.

Mediterranean Orzo Salad
This salad highlights many fresh flavours of the Mediterranean and is at its best when made with good-quality olive oil.

Photography by Jeff Coulson

The Best Macaroni Salad
This is a great keeper salad and perfect for a picnic or BBQ. Just make sure you pack it with plenty of ice packs to keep it nice and cold, both during transportation and at the table.

Photography by Annabelle Waugh

Chicken, Broccoli and Bocconcini Pasta Salad
Make this pasta salad for the whole family—the kids will love the mild dressing and round bocconcini cheese, while the adults will appreciate it as a light alternative to a sandwich.

Warm Roasted Red Pepper Pasta Salad
The dressing lends a taste of summer any time of year. The red peppers provide vitamins A and C and potassium. Quick and easy to make, this salad is perfect to take to a last-minute potluck or picnic.

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For easy access to our weekly prizes, sign up for our 60-Day Holiday Countdown newsletters and you'll receive a daily email featuring a link to enter that week's contest, along with Tested Till Perfect holiday recipes, awesome gift guides, DIY decor ideas and more. You can enter to win each prize once daily until each contest closes.

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Choose the best-quality bread. Never serve end slices. Freezing bread before cutting and then spreading makes for easier handling.

Bread should be lightly buttered no matter what the filling. Butter should be at room temperature before spreading. Sandwiches will not become limp and soggy as readily if you spread butter right to edge of bread.