Hampton Subway: Week of May 2 – 8, 2012

Jeremy Lin was seen on the Hampton Subway talking animatedly with JasonKidd, the former point guard for the New Jersey Nets, about the trouble Lin’s team is having competing with the MiamiHeat while he sits on the bench recovering from surgery. Lin seemed frustrated. Kidd, who has a house in the Hamptons, had a sort of been there done that attitude, and he wasn’t rubbing in the fact that the team he now plays for, the Mavericks, beat Miami last year.

PART FOUND ON THE TRACKS

Service on the system was delayed for two hours on Tuesday evening when a large metal part of a subway car was found on the tracks between WaterMill and Southampton. The part was removed from the tracks after which the service resumed, and the part was then taken by car to the subway yards in Montauk where, when the system shut for maintenance at 2 a.m. and the cars were brought in, workmen tried to find out which car it came off of. It would have to be reattached, of course. The part, which seemed to be some sort of cowl or cover, weighed about 40 pounds, but with all the workmen there on the case in Montauk, no one was able to find a place where such a part was missing or even where a part similar to this one was located on any of our other subway cars. Indeed, no part seemed to be missing from any subway cars. This is a big mystery.

MOTORMAN ED FENARIO IS 42

A birthday party was held for motorman Ed Fenario on Wednesday in the company cafeteria. Present among the many guests were Ed’s wife Hatty, who works as a receptionist, and also each of his other four ex-wives, all of whom still work at Hampton Subway. (Ed met and courted them all there.) The five wives, Hatty, Willette, Edna,Margaritta and Vanity, linked arms to sing him “Happy Birthday.”

AD MOVED

A poster ad for the Rice and Cheese Restaurant in Westhampton Beach, mounted on the wall of the HamptonBays platform, was moved down to an empty ad frame on the wall in the tunnel between HamptonBays and Quogue. The ad frame was there from two years ago when a prior marketing director sold ads along the tunnel wall. (A stupid idea if you think about it, since the trains are whizzing past.) Our Commissioner is having a disagreement with the owner of Rice and Cheese, and had our new marketing director CarlBesmith move it out of the way. We’re not allowed to mention the owner of Rice and Cheese, but we all know who he is and what he did, and we do have to report he has threatened to sue HamptonSubway. Commissioner Aspinall says none of us should eat there.

FAKE PANHANDLERS?

One does expect a panhandler, moving through the subway cars, to be authentic, doesn’t one? Yesterday, it was revealed that one of the panhandlers, a man pushing a grocery cart, when arrested, turned out to be a spy for the CIA. Or so he said. Then, after presenting his papers, he was found to check out. His mission? Confidential. Sorry.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

I don’t understand how we could find a 40-pound metal part from a subway car on our tracks, have it brought out to the experts in Montauk, and then be told it is not from any of our subway trains. This is outrageous. Are they kidding me?