SATURDAY NGHT LIVE

“President Trump tweeted that he had the highest ratings ever for his State of the Union Address, which — get this — wasn’t true. And this time, even Fox News fact-checked him. You know you’re running your mouth too much when even your hype man is like, ‘Yo, that ain’t exactly accurate though.'”

MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Guns, man! It’s like cheating! They shouldn’t give these to anyone who’s not a really, really good person.”

JANE THE VIRGIN

That feeling when Marcel from The Originals (Charles Michael Davis) tells Jane (Gina Rodriguez) that vampires are played out…

GREY’S ANATOMY

“Y’all don’t listen. Princess Leia knows what I’m talking about. When they went on that planet with the, the… Ewoks. Yeah. If Han and Luke had listened to Leia, they could have avoided a lot of misery, I’m just saying.”

Bailey (Chandra Wilson), pointing out to her male doctor mid-procedure that her situation wouldn’t have gotten so dire if he’d only listened to her in the first place

GREY’S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

“OK, just don’t mention that you called her your mother.”

“She had me very, very young.”

Richard (James Pickens Jr.) and Maggie (Kelly McCreary), after lying that they were Bailey’s husband and daughter in order to see her in the ER