My 3 Lives

Time again to get back on track and into the groove of things here. I am always kicking myself in the rear for not blogging & sharing the many Life moments that if I don't put them down here, I will soon find myself trying to remember later.

I'm not even going to try to play catch up with all the things that have happened since I last posted. But I will start from here & now:)

So as for me, summer classes started to day for College... I'm only going half time through the summer then it's on to full-time this fall. I know...I know...it's about time right? Shoot it's only been 13 years since I graduated high school, that's not too bad.

And Brianna had her first softball game tonight and they won! Yay...

And this week is quite a busy one...it's the last couple days of school for the kids this year, so we have all of the end of the year meetings, registrations, even Kindergarten Round-up for Alyssa next year.

If I had only one wish, I think it would have to be that I knew anything and everything about being a parent, that I knew all the answers and what to do in any situation, and that my kids would grow up happy, healthy and respectful beings.

You know when I was 10 years old I don't remember having to deal with any drama, not yet anyhow. But the things kids know & do nowadays is a bit more than I prefer to deal with.

Like any parent I constantly worry about my kids getting hurt, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. And peer pressure, and trying to fit in. I think I'm doing a decent job at making sure my kids know right from wrong, and I know that they will goof from time to time, they are just kids. However, I just hope that they are never, ever mean to other kids or put others down just to try and fit in somewhere.

Today all of this has come into play and I'm not exactly sure what to do exactly? Here's the deal...Brianna (my 10 year old) has some friends from school, one of which is rather rude at times, and I worry about her and what might be going on that I don't hear about. But today her friend "m" called to see if she could go play at her house, I let her and all was okay, or so I thought. Come to find out, rude girl friend, we'll call her "c" happened to be there hanging out also.Anyhow, friend "m" was leaving somewhere & Brianna came home. Now, both these friends have Facebook pages and Brianna bugged and bugged me to get one so I finally agreed to let her, but I was going to have full access to everything. I realize now why I didn't want her to have one in the first place, but in ways I'm glad that I was able to see what I did.So she gets on Facebook and then starts getting instant messages from these so called friends. Telling her that they hate her and calling her fat. The insults just kept on and on. Brianna doesn't know all of what was being said because as soon as she told me about it, I started acting like I was her to see what or why they were being that way, and told Brianna she didn't need to know what was being said because it was just mean, rude stuff and that she would no longer have a Facebook page, nor be friends with them.

So now I'm trying to decide whether I should call this girls mother or just go over there and tell her face to face. I've already copied the entire im so I could show her. But being a mother, if it was my child acting like this I would want it brought to my attention because it's simply not acceptable.

One of the worst feelings is that of when you see your child being hurt, and this is the first time and I'm sure not the last, I'm just so not looking forward to what may come. Pray for the best!

So for the last week and a half I have been going crazy, worrying over how I was suppose to tell my son (who is 10 years old mind you) that he has a father he never knew existed until now.

I decided when he was just a baby that I would rather do what I had to do in order to raise him alone, than to force someone who wasn't ready and didn't necessarily want to be involved at the time, into being a part of my son's life. It was a choice of whether I wanted to have to possibly see my child hurt, wondering why his father wasn't around when he wanted him to be, etc. or I could go it alone and I did just that.

I figured when the time came, or when he would ask, I would tell him the truth. And that's just what I had to do today. Only he didn't ask. It was his father who had come forth and asked to be a part of his life.

And this may be just what Brenden needs? I don't know how it will all transpire? All I do know is that I have been thinking about this non-stop for over a week, trying to find the words to tell my son that he had a father he knew nothing about, words that would come out and make it all seem okay.

But after having told him I realize that I should know better than too worry so much, my kids are good kids, and I should have known he would understand and be okay with it as long as I was. He actually seemed excited to know that he has brothers & sisters. But it wasn't just how well he took it, it was what he said next... He says, "gosh mom, this is really going to change my life isn't it?" That's when I realized just how grown up he had become.

I'm not sure what triggered a thought like this from Nana, but anyone who knows me will tell you that it's a topic or area of life that I try my hardest to avoid.

So, here's how it went... Last night we were driving to Wal-Mart to return a movie to the Redbox. (If you haven't yet tried that redbox thing out, you should...$1 to rent a movie, keep it over night until 9pm the next day, if you miss the deadline, just pay $1 more for another night...very awesome)

Anyhow, just out of the blue, Brianna starts saying how it would be really sad if Alyssa was to sleep a lot one day, then at night she wakes up & cries just a little bit, then goes back to sleep and in the morning we noticed that she had died?!!??!

Where in the world did that come from?

I'm not sure why she would think of something like that, but obviously she did & I suppose it's a good thing that she at least shared it out loud with me so that we could touch on the issue, but it still seems a bit strange to me?

But either way, I used the moment to try and solve another issue we face from time to time and that is Brianna being somewhat rude & mean to her little sister. She's had moments when she yells at her, or smacks her hand, etc. And the next minute she can be the nicest big sister ever.

So, we talked about how it would be very, very sad if something were to happen to any of them. And how we can't take back something we've done if we hurt someone like that. And that no matter how much it makes us cry & how much we miss them, it's just one of those times you can't say sorry & make it all better.

I'm not sure exactly how your suppose to approach or deal with an issue like this, but hopefully it helped everyone to understand a bit more about the value of life.

I suppose the idea of cutting their own hair is something most girls make it a point to do while they are little? And yes, Brianna also cut her hair when she was around 2 years old. But it was just one big chunk right in the middle of her forehead.

Alyssa however managed to make it a bit harder to cope with as you will see in the pics below.Just for the record, it was 3 days after her 3rd Birthday, of which was Nov. 3rd (yes I know it's January....) I had just finished taking a shower & as I started my walk down the hallway I starting seeing chunks of hair all the way to the living room which is where I found Alyssa, surrounded by a mess of hair on the floor. I didn't start yelling, but more so crying. Just ask here & she'll tell you that "mommy cried" when she cut her hair.

Before the "Haircut" she had long, beautiful hair that was just about to hit her waist line....

Here's some Before pics...And the Aftermath...

As you can see, she cut chunks out EVERYWHERE... Out of the front, the back, the sides... So there was no way to fix it except to just cut it all short.

I am just terrible. I have not posted or done anything here for so long it is just pathetic. Gosh, it seems weird for me to even say something like that? Either way that doesn't matter. What does is the fact that I have put off posting here simply because I got a little bit "busy" and fell behind and didn't get to this as I had hoped or planned on doing, so I let myself go over & over how I would get started again. What would I say? What would be a good way to flow back into things?

I know that I am not alone in this, so I would like to know what your thoughts are and see just how common or uncommon this is. Do you put off doing even the simplest things just because you don't know where to start? Or you are worried you won't be saying the right thing? And you get so bogged down with the how that you never actually do it?

Now that I have that out of my system I do feel a bit better. And once I again I am planning on giving this more of a go again. Actually a lot has happened since the last time I shared anything here, so I should have plenty to talk about. (Just a side note... don't feel obligated to have to read through each and every thing that could tend to come out over the next few posts here... I very well could be so full of information that is just dying to get out, it could lead to a bit of ranting on and on...)