11th #SatSunTails Winners

You can help by promoting next week’s #SatSunTails on your blogs, twitter, G+, facebook, tumblr etc, that would be great. Also, if you’re on twitter and you’d like an @reply every weekend in order to remind you that the competition is open then please leave a note regarding this along with your twitter handle in the comments of this post so I can set that up for you.

But for now, let’s get to the winners!

Runner Up Mentions

@LupusAnthropos –

Lupus’s matchmaking skills between word and story are always divine and this one really tickled me for it’s originality.

@Andrew –

Andrew leaves us an intriguing mystery in regards to these two characters’ relationship.

@DavidALudwig –

Different to the other stories through the character’s closed off perspective, I chose this for it’s contrast to the others and the way it poses more questions than it answers.

Overall Winner

@jezri1 –

I liked the vulnerability that Lisa’s piece brought to the fore through the protagonist’s choice and reasoning.

The Price of Immortality

“For a small and deadly fee, I can arrange for you to live forever.”

Yvette stared at Tasha, confused. David had warned her to beware of this woman. “Small and deadly? Doesn’t sound promising. What…” Seized by a sudden fit of coughing, Yvette bent over, covering her mouth with a handkerchief. The once white cloth was dotted in the reddish fluid that filled her lungs. Tasha waited patiently for her to finish.

“I want your soul. A small price for immortality.”

Yvette listened to the distant howling of a wolf. It sounded ominous, a warning not to go down this path. Another attack brought more blood, this time huge globs. She didn’t have long to decide.

“Okay.”

Taking Yvette into her arms, Tasha kissed her gently, caressing her tongue, before pulling away and sinking fangs into her neck. Drinking greedily, she wondered how Yvette’s werewolf lover would handle the new that she’d become a vampire.

Critique Mentions

Now, as promised, I shall critique those entries that didn’t make it.

@FayneRiverdale –

As a side note, I love your name. Sometimes, there is barely anything to critique with a piece and this is one of those occasions. My only problem was where two commas had been used in two sequential sentences to separate clauses where they would have worked better as either separate sentences or using a semi-colon to show that they are a continuation of the same theme but not of the same sentence. For example, “A wolf howled in the distance, where was I?” would have been better if the comma was a semi-colon because it lets the reader know they are definitely two different thoughts.

@JohnBBadd –

The fault with this piece was simply the lack of a capital letter with each "pay the price…" piece where the ‘p’ of ‘pay’ should be capitalised. Nit picking, I know, but with the quality of the entries, these are things that stand out more and more.

@Joplimat –

Firstly, welcome to the competition. Secondly, although I did enjoy the stark difference in the plot ideas generated by this prompt, I did feel that there wasn’t enough sensuous language to really engage me with the idea that the protagonist really wanted this woman. You don’t need to tell me she did something ‘seductively’. You need to tell me how it was seductive. Was it because she held his gaze and didn’t look away? Stripped him bare with the force of her stare? Is it because she wet her lips without thinking or her breathing was shallow and her moves tentative towards him? You need to really think about the little details that make us connect with these pieces. Draw on your personal observations if you can. It always makes for a more involved reading.

So thank you to all of those who entered. The criticism is never meant to harm. It is there to help you better your writing and someday win overall. I’m sure it will also benefit those who were not criticised. I hope this has helped you as well as encouraged you to join in again next week!

2 thoughts on “11th #SatSunTails Winners”

Thanks for the critique Rebecca. The lowercase p was intentional; I wanted it to reflect the whispering echo. I do however understand that deviance from grammatical standards can be distracting to the readers and take them out of the story. Now I know this technique can have that effect.

I appreciate that, but it does distract readers. Usually, a better method would be to italicise words. At least that's one I've come across that seems to convey what you mean better. I hope that helps.