My Dad went away on holidays and never came back

I had been estranged from my dad for a few years - he was an alcoholic and chose drink a lot over me and my brother. But he turned his life around - gave up the drink and moved himself into a new flat and I started to get my daddy back again - he was so supportive and encouraging - even paying for me to go back to college again so I could go to university to study to be a midwife - he adored my three boys and it was so lovely having him around. He had always dreamed of going to Cuba and he got a really good deal so we kissed him goodbye and he headed off on the trip of his dreams with his friends. A day before he was due to come home I seen their were a couple of missed calls on my phone it was my brother I rang him back - he asked was I in but I knew by the sound of his voice something was wrong so I made him tell me - Daddy's been found dead on a beach in Cuba- I laughed - I don't know why then I said say it again - my world shattered - we didn't have the money to get him or bring his body home so he had to be cremated over there and his ashes came home - My daddy went away and never came home - we found out eventually he had drowned - but no one knows how or why! We have so many questions that will never be answered. He was alone when he died _ i am haunted with thoughts of was he scared - did he call out for us - what was he thinking. Its nearly three years now and my heart still physically aches for him - I don't know how I'm meant to get over this.