Wonderfil story! I really liked how you introduced Lily's family. Perhaps you can write another story that delves deeper into Lily's new found family members. :)

oodles of noodle chapter 11 . 2/12/2013

please telling me you are doing more.

kiwipineapple43 chapter 1 . 2/7/2013

Nice characterisation! I like the plot so far, it's pretty interesting. I like how you're taking characters and making them your own - and also putting them in different situations. I can see this turning out to be a good story.

Aside from the short sentences, it was well-written and a very good read.

I thought Lily and Rooster were very in character, and you nailed the 1930's Brooklyn dialogue perfectly. I even laughed out loud at some the things Lily and Rooster said. 'It's called lootin' comes to mind. And they are very cute with the girls, very sweet et very realistic.

Here's just a little bit of constructive criticism: Maybe add a little more description to the characters and scenery? Not a lot, but maybe just a hair more?

What a lovely little story, hun! I confess I don't tend to think as much of Annie as I used to when I was younger and re-watched the video (singing along, of course!). But that was a very nicely compiled tale of what could have happened next, and put together well, too. I can picture the characters sitting in the orphanage (that's a LOT of kids!) and teasing each other, and the cheeky kids teasing them as well.

Some very funny lines in there:

“You didn’t really steal it, Daniel. You just took it from a dead body. It’s called ‘looting’.”

“Only you could convince the Warbucks’ butler that you were an English attorney.”

They both tickled me pink! And I also think credit is due on how you have captured their dialects in very Depression gangster-style, which is rather impressive.