Saturday, January 26, 2013

College Students: OOZE CONFIDENCE! (And if you are not confident, then fake it!)

College Students: “Ooze Confidence” (And
if you are not confident … then fake it!)

“Fake it till you make it” is not about faking happiness
until you trick yourself into being happy. It’s not about acting like you’re
too cool for school until other people also believe you are, and then basing
your life around a made-up personality. It is about confidence. It is about
meeting situations that you feel intimidated by head-on, telling yourself that
you’re ready for them, and putting “I-can-DO-this” intentions out there, until
you’ve done such a good job convincing yourself that you suddenly can handle
the challenge before you.

Appear confident, in everything you do. And if you are not – fake it! By appearing to act confident, those around
you don’t know of your insecurities – and it actually trains your mind to think
confidently!

For a good part of my life, I was overly shy. (I remain a SEVERE introvert, but that’s
different from being shy.) In college I
dreaded being called upon in class. I
would never approach a girl. At parties
I always stood in the corner of the room. But then, one day, I figured it out - introversion is a strength, but not an excuse to fail to socialize effectively with others.

So, I sought out a little help from friends (the few I had) and read various
books. (Of course, nowadays there is all kinds of advice on the Web about dating, small
talk, confidence-building skills - just search for videos on YouTube). And I learned that I needed to push out the
bubble of my "comfort zone."

I learned the power of a smile. I learned the power a
handshake, a gentle touch on a person's hand or arm. I learned to greet others
- even complete strangers - as I passed them by, or sat down in a classroom,
etc.

At parties, I learned to pretend (without telling anyone) to
be the “host” - and I took it upon myself to make others comfortable, introduce
a person to another, etc. I found that
fully one-third to one-half of the persons I encountered were also shy – many
even more shy than I was (and I found that hard to believe, at first).

I learned that asking questions of others was the best way to
keep conversations going, rather than just by continuing to talk myself. I
learned the importance of focusing on the other person, as he or she talked. He
or she deserves my undivided attention.

And I learned that I constantly needed to push out my
“comfort zone” in order to get better and better at socializing and networking,
and not revert back to my old habits. Why? Because I’m still an
introvert – and I always will be. But being an introvert is a blessing, and a
source of my inner strength. In fact, as an introvert I give energy to others. I am also much more
contemplative of the world around me than most extroverts. I would never change
that. I am proud to be an introvert.

College is that it is the perfect place to push out the
boundaries of your own comfort zone - to expand the "bubble" of your
ability to socialize with others. And
this is such an important skill, in the world of business, and in life in
general. It’s much better to practice
and develop skills in college, than try to build those skills later “in the
real world.”

About a year ago we had on campus a dynamic speaker, Adam
LaDolce, author of “Being Alone Sucks!” (I would strongly recommend Adam as a speaker for any college or high school.) Adam LaDolce offered a lot of suggestions to those who were either shy or
introverted.

First, don’t over-exaggerate the importance of certain events
in your life.Think about it – a short
conversation with another, of “muffing it” in class, is not that big a deal –
if it goes wrong.It’s just the
opportunity to learn to be better.

Second, realize this truth: “I’d rather regret doing it than
regret not doing it.”This is like the
old saying, “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships were built
for.”

Thrid, smile and say “hello” to everyone you pass by.Try it – for the distance between one class
and wherever you are next going.Try it
again and again.Over time, you will
find that people start saying “good morning” or “good afternoon” back to you.
And, over time, more people will seek you out to get to know you.

Fourth, imagine standing on a chair in a room and shouting:
“I love all of you very much!” Some people will laugh, and some of these will
want to get to know you more.But a few in
the room may look down on you. Guess what? These other people – they don’t
exist to you anymore! There are plenty of people who do want to get to know
you, who are lonely themselves. All you have to do is take a risk. What's the
worst that can happen? You’ll discover that “the worst” is not really all that
bad.

Do you always have to "ooze confidence"? While this is important in my situations
(interviews, the world of business, etc.), there are times when it is permitted to
show a little vulnerability. For example, here's one way, especially if you are
shy, to meet other people. It’s as simple as this - approach other people to
seek out a conversation. If you are shy,
use this excuse: “My crazy professor wants me to push myself out my comfort
zone, and go out and meet more people. Do you suppose we could chat sometime,
perhaps over a drink or lunch at the Central Dining Hall, so I can practice
socializing?” It’s o.k. to show a little vulnerability, by the way, in this
instance. (Another great pick up line ... "Hi. My name is ____. I've been told that I'm really shy, but I wanted to ask you if we could chat sometime, so I can get to know you better.")

What’s the worst that can happen? The other person says “NO WAY!” and turns
away from you. And, if he or she does,
then just move on – that person no longer exists for you, at least within your own universe. But there are
hundreds or thousands of others out there who will want to meet you, and who
desire to have a conversation with you.

How do you conduct a conversation? Have some questions prepared. The best conversation is where you talk 30% of the time, and the other person talks 70% of the time. (Once a relationship is formed, 50/50 is a better ratio.) A good way to get the other person to speak is for you to ask questions about that other person. First, seek out
some basic facts, nothing too personal. For example, where is the person from, are they an only child or from a larger family, why they attended this college, what is their major, and what type of career they desire. Also ask
for the other person's opinion - such as what classes to take, what professors are best, or
what clubs or organizations to consider joining. As the conversation ensues,
more personal questions can follow.

In summary, here's how to OOZE CONFIDENCE every day. First, be certain to smile – always – in the
presence of others. Second, say “good morning” or “good afternoon” or
"Hello!" or "How are you doing?" as you pass by others. Third,
walk tall and with purpose - like it is important for you to get to where you
are going, and quickly. And lastly, imagine
the other persons you greet are much more shy than you.

OOZE CONFIDENCE in everything you do, and be more successful in life. And, even if you are not confident in a particular situation, act as though you are. You'll impress others that way, and in so doing you will open doors that you never imagined would exist for you.

Professor Rhoades is the author of "CHOOSE TO SUCCEED IN COLLEGE AND IN LIFE: Continuously Improve, Persevere, and Enjoy the Journey," a 10-week program for success in college (available for $2.99 in Kindle store at Amazon.com, or in paperback for $6.99). Professor Rhoades may be reached by e-mail at: RhoadeRA@AlfredState.edu.

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Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP® sailed across the Atlantic on a tall ship, performed in theme parks and road shows in Europe and America as a Disney character, rowed on a championship crew team, marched in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, marched in competition with a state-champion rifle drill team, undertook a solo one-week trip into the Everglades, escorted numerous celebrities around Central Florida, performed as a “Tin Man” at a mountaintop theme park called “The Land of Oz” in Beech Mountain, NC, and served as a stage manager and talent scheduling coordinator for entertainment productions at Walt Disney World. And then he graduated college.

Since then, Ron Rhoades earned his Juris Doctor degree, with honors, from the University of Florida College of Law, which was preceded by a B.S.B.A. from Florida Southern College. Ron Rhoades has 30 years of experience as an attorney, with nearly all of those years substantially devoted to estate planning, tax planning, and retirement plan distribution planning. Ron also has over 15 years as a personal financial adviser. He was a principal with an investment advisory firm where he served as its Director of Research and Chair of its Investment Committee.

The author of numerous articles published in financial industry publications and several books, Dr. Rhoades has been quoted in numerous consumer and trade publications, and has been interviewed on Bloomberg's "Masters in Business" radio show segment. He writes occasional articles for industry publications. Ron is a frequent speaker at local FPA chapter meetings and national conferences in the financial planning and investment advisory professions.

Ron Rhoades was the recipient of The Tamar Frankel Fiduciary of the Year Award for 2011, from The Committee for the Fiduciary Standard, as he “altered the course of the fiduciary discussion in Washington.” He was also named as one of the Top 25 Most Influential persons associated with the investment advisory profession in 2011 by Investment Advisor magazine, and was voted to the “Sweet 16 Most Influential” in Wealth Management’s 2013 “March Madness” competition. Dr. Rhoades was also named as one of the "Top 30 Most Influential" members in NAPFA's 30-year history in 2013. This blog was also called one of the "Top 25 Most Dangerous" in financial services.

Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP® became Program Director for the Financial Planning Program (B.S. Finance, Financial Planning Track) at Western Kentucky University's Gordon Ford School of Business in July 2015. He provides instruction to highly motivated, exceptional undergraduates students in such courses as Applied Investments, Retirement Planning, Estate Planning, and the Personal Financial Planning Capstone course. He has previously taught courses in Insurance & Risk Management, Employee Benefits, Money & Banking, Advanced Investments, and Business Law I and II.

Ron also serves on the Steering Committee of The Committee for the Fiduciary Standard, on whose behalf he frequently travels to Washington, D.C. to meet with policy makers in Congress and in government agencies regarding the application of the fiduciary standard to personalized investment advice.