Here Comes The Boom

A colleague misread the name of Kevin James’ new film – he thought it would feature lots of sweeping up.

Meanwhile, I was expecting a spoof comedy about a sound boom constantly swinging into view during a movie – with a director getting so incensed that he would end up ‘bopping’ people on the head with it.

No such luck either way because there’s no broom – or boom.

Just an odd kind of agony that 105 minutes with a middle-aged biology teacher turned mixed martial arts fighter can feel this long.

It’s directed by Frank Coraci – whose contributions to our cinematic wellbeing include The Waterboy and The Wedding Singer with Adam Sandler, thankfully only an executive producer here.

Kevin James has a comparatively likeable face, with the kind of chubby-chops that don’t age.

And I didn’t dislike him in Paul Blar: Mall Cop (2009).

But as a 42-year-old teacher who becomes a fighter in order to raise money for his school... this is a one-joke movie which never threatens to split your sides.

The closest thing to fun is a slipping-and-sliding sequence, clearly inspired by It’s A Knockout but lacking the accompanying laughs of Stuart Hall.

The back story is insipid, with long-haired fellow music teacher Marty Streb (ex Fonz star Henry Winkler) harbouring a ridiculous secret.

And, although co-star Salma Hayek was Oscar nominated for Frida (2002), you’d never know from her underwritten role.

As for James, he’s 47 now, so his heavy-duty physical performance is pretty impressive for the kind of stocky guy who looks as if he’d never get properly fit if he trained non-stop for five years.

With no back catalogue of hard man movies to make us believe he can overcome the years of classroom inertia, it’s no surprise that Boom never threatens to become a Rocky-fied cross between Mr Holland’s Opus and School of Rock.

Now, then. When is Stallone going to start playing a head teacher. Maybe the switch would work the other way...