How to get food stamps

'K, I'm bipolar and it started to get bad about 5 months ago and I had to stop working even though I had a very good job that I'm good at and great benefits. Granted, I'm not working in some creative field where I'd be happiest, but I was working and making money.

Now I'm stoned nearly all the time b/c the doctor and I can't keep me down from mania which is an altered state for me that comes on hard and fast within 30-40 minutes. It's just like a bad acid trip where all my senses are on overload and I can't take in all the colors, textures, sounds and smells. I become irrational and angry. No, check that. I want to hurt people, push them down for no reason whatsoever. This first time this happened to me I was on my way to see the doc and I knew he'd have meds to settle me down and I thought it would be best for him to see me like this. But my mind was racing so fast, just hundreds of words and images and things I couldn't concentrate on, I stood up against a pole and tried to keep myself together and recite something, a song maybe...I settled on the alphabet b/c that was all I could come up with. And I couldn't remember it. I opened my eyes and my brain stopped for just a moment and told me that if I pushed someone in the way of an oncoming train, I would feel better. That scared me enough to run home as fast as I could and take the "downers", which kicked my ass and caused me to pass out until the next day. The point is: until I can get this under control, I can't go to work. The fear that I might start raging, maybe hurt someone, keeps me home. the internet keeps me connected.

My family thinks I just need to pull myself together or I'm screwing up or maybe I'm just lazy. Fun family.

so, if I don't go back to work on Sept 3rd, I've lost my job permanently. My work-comp disability checks have run out (I had to take off a month last fall for mania, which included 3 trips to the ER, which the union won't pay for. Mental illness isn't covered, tho 90 days in a drug treatment program is.)

My gross check is $300/wk, paying out $277.05. My therapist has been very clear that I need to apply for food stamps. My savings is gone, partly because I spent a chunk when I bought all new furniture back when I was working, fully expecting to recoup. So yesterday, I finally choked on my pride and went to apply.

I was completely stoned due to Seroquel but I got there. I sat there 3 hours, 2 and a half of which I sobbed. I am a complete liberal. I believe in social programs, I believe we must provide safety nets for people.

Everyone was really nice actually. Two of the security people helped me find the forms b/c I couldn't focus thru tears and meds and I find a place where I could sit and fill it out. One looked over my shoulder and pointed out questions I missed.

when I was finally called, the woman at the window was sweet, but pointed out that my gross income for the month ($1200) was just over the limit for obtaining food stamps. A household of one person's income cannot exceed$1,009. She told me that I had to come back on the first and I should point out That I received my last disability check this week. I asked her, as I dissolved into tears where I went to apply for SSI and she gave me the address (across the street), she also gave me a voucher for the food pantry right across the hall. I walked out but couldn't go into the pantry. Yes, I have at this moment $866.-- and want to pay the rent on thursday. Unless you can convince a case worker that you need expedited food stamps (which will arrive in 5 days) it takes a month to get your stamps. I don't know how long it takes to get SSRI.

I really always thought I'd be back to work in a couple weeks and then months, but I always expected to get back. In between the mania, I have severe depression with suicidal ideation. I was hospitalized 10 years ago for making very deep vertical cuts in my wrists. I don't know why I'm putting this here, it has no connection to feminism. I just needed to tell the story somewhere where I'm not known in person. I know I need to get over it, but I'm choking on my pride. I couldn't swallow food right now anyway.

Oh, I do have some food and some money is owed to me that I'm pushing for. It was just so hard.

Comments

Your story brings tears to my eyes. It's one of the hidden characteristics of the "New Democrats" and their neo-Republican-lite agenda: treating the poor like the Enemy of the People.

It's hard enough to struggle to make ends meet. But to be treated as anti-patriotic filth for being poor, that's offensive -- and because we tend to internalize public attitudes, it's destructive to souls, and thus to our society.