Appreciating Differences - Jack Falt - Ottawa
area, Ontario, Canada

Appreciating Differences

#2 - Extraversion-Introversion

This column, written
by Jack Falt, is the second article on personality types and a regular
feature of
Energy Medicine. It was first published December
1998, Volume 1, Issue 2. See the subsequent articles on this site that
describe the meaning of the four dimensions of behaviour that personality
measures.

The first dimension of behaviour that personality
type measures is Extraversion-Introversion. These terms have become part
of our general vocabulary but here they are used in a more precise way.
An Extravert (Jung spelled it with an 'a') does not necessarily mean a
wild boisterous person who dances around with a lampshade on the head;
nor does being an Introvert mean living like a hermit in a cave. The terms
are a measure of where we get our energy from. Extraverts get their energy
from the outer world and feel drained when they are by themselves too long.
Introverts get their energy from within and lose energy quickly when having
to deal with a lot of people. Think of Extraverts like solar cell batteries.
They need to be in the sun to get charged up. Introverts are more like
rechargeable batteries. They need to be by themselves to restore their
energy, and then they can go back out into the world of people. This is
why an Introvert-Extravert couple have difficulty when they attend a party.
Both like people, but the Introvert prefers the intimacy of talking in
depth with a few people, and then tires rather quickly. The Extravert is
gregarious and enjoys meeting a lot of different people, and feel energized
by the experience. Half way through the evening the Introvert wants to
go home; the Extravert wants to stay, and in fact would like to go on to
another party after this one. For the couple who don't understand each
other's psychological type, each thinks that the other is deliberately
trying to sabotage the other's fun. One way of solving this problem is
to take two cars or one goes home in a taxi.

Those with a high Extraversion score are
not necessarily individuals that are more outgoing and lively. Rather,
it means that they have a clear preference for Extraversion, i.e. practically
everything they do will relate to the outer world. Similarly, a high Introversion
score does not mean that these individuals are quiet and withdrawn, but
that they usually go inside to think things through before they respond
and need a lot of time by themselves.

"If you don't know what an Extravert is
thinking, you haven't listened. If you don't know what an Introvert is
thinking, you haven't asked." These two statements sum up one of the main
differences between the Extravert and the Introvert. Extraverts tend just
to say whatever comes into their head. They also tend to repeat themselves.
This can create some confusion as people listening to them assume that
what the Extraverts are saying is what they mean. Not necessarily so! Extraverts
often just think out loud and these thoughts are more like a first draft.
If the Extravert happens to be your boss, it might be wise to ask if this
is what is expected right now. Often she will reply that she was just trying
out some ideas.

Introverts on the other hand tend to mentally
rehearse what they are thinking. When they have it all worked out in their
mind, then they might tell you. It is not that they want to conceal their
thoughts. It just doesn't occur to them to say them out loud. That is why
it is wise to ask. Silence does not necessarily mean consent. A spouse
may assume that what was talked about was agreed to. No! "You talked and
I didn't say anything!" says the Introvert. "Why didn't you say something?"
asks the Extravert. "Because!" responds the Introvert. The 'because' is
that the person is an Introvert. Perhaps, he isn't even aware of why he
is reluctant to speak out.

The wise boss with a problem to solve will
ask for the Introvert's opinion. Often the Introvert has been thinking
very seriously about the problem and has it all worked out in her head.
Coming forth and speaking about the solution takes energy. The Introvert
just may not think to speak up. Also, it takes time for Introverts to process
what they are thinking about. So give them a few minutes to collect their
thoughts. On the other hand, the Extravert may answer you before you have
time to say the whole question.

Extraversion-Introversion is not a measure
of shyness. It is possible to have shy Extraverts and assertive Introverts.
Shyness has more to do with an awareness of physical sensations. Either
Extraverts or Introverts making a speech before a crowd may feel nervous
about the situation and try to avoid the task. Sometimes they may feel
nervous and do it anyway. Some Introverts can be quite comfortable speaking
before a group.

The one time Introverts have no difficulty
in talking is when they are speaking about their special interest, hobby
or skill. Then, sometimes it is difficult to shut them up! This is material
they know thoroughly and so don't need to rehearse what they are going
to say.

Extraverts are more likely to initiate
a conversation either with acquaintances or strangers. Introverts can act
like the proverbial wall flower and wait until someone approaches them.
They can feel quite uncomfortable going to a social event where they may
not know anyone. If you are hosting a party, you will be doing the Introverts
a favour by introducing them to several people, being sure to indicate
what they might have in common. Another strategy would be to pair them
up with an Extravert who will carry the conversation until the Introvert
feels more comfortable.

Not only do Extraverts talk more than Introverts
but they are more expressive in communicating their feelings, emotional
state, interests and experiences to others. The Introvert is typified by
the image of being a "man of few words." Unfortunately, in the real world
very often the ones who get noticed are the ones who speak out.

The population is almost divided about
equally between Extraverts and Introverts. There are also those individuals
whose score is very close to the middle, and it is harder for them as well
as you to know what their true preference is.

It would seem that Extraversion-Introversion
is an inborn tendency and often can be observed in even very young children.
But even if we have a very strong tendency to prefer one over the other,
we are also challenged to develop our weaker preferences. The Extraverts
need
to learn to go within and develop their thoughts in quiet and solitude.
The Introverts need to make the effort to speak out and take the initiative
in social situations. Often this is why it is more difficult to observe
what older people's preferences are. Along the way many have learned to
develop their weaker preference. One of our goals in life is to honour
our preferences but develop the weaker ones so that they are available
to us when we need them. This is what Jung called "individuation."