Student Could Have Gone on European Trip of a Lifetime, Decided to Fly from Tallahassee to South Florida Instead

Paris, London, Rome, Prague – these are just a handful of the glamorous destinations that FSU Senior Brittany Randall could have visited this past weekend, surely creating memories to last a lifetime. But, instead of sending herself off to a historic and cultural hub like Amsterdam or Madrid, Randall decided to spend the entirety of her inheritance from her dearly departed grandmother on a single plane ticket to travel from Tallahassee to Miami, clearly not taking Meemaw’s dying wish for her to “expand her horizons” very seriously.

“I needed to get home this weekend in a pinch, so paying the outstanding amount of $989 on short notice was my only option,” said Randall while flipping through the Sky Mall catalogue American Airlines only let her read after purchase, despite it being covered in germs from the thousands of strangers’ sneezes, drooling and occasional bouts of air sickness. “Sure, it’s not the most exotic or even most logical trip I’ve ever been on, but the plane ride wasn’t too bad. By the time you get fake comfortable in the glorified booster seats, you’re basically halfway there. The air conditioning was broken, which kind of sucked, but I got to choose between cookies or pretzels, which are both European snacks if you think about it. They even poured a quarter of a can of Diet Coke into a cup with half-melted ice – that's pretty luxurious, if you ask me.”

Not everyone was so blasé when it came to the airline’s ticket prices, including FSU Sophomore Layne Matthews, who was appalled to learn a 45-minute plane ride would cost her almost two months of rent. “These companies are completely taking advantage of our status as college students. They don’t even take FlexBucks or FSUCash,” she said while vigorously clawing at the rash forming underneath her thighs where her bare legs made contact with the seats that no one could seriously believe doubles as a floatation device. “Any time I plan on visiting home, I have to set aside at least a couple hundred dollars – and for what? Last time, the flight attendants had to give the plane a running push and then jump into the open door before lift-off. Say what you will about Red Coach, but at least they drive unassisted.”

Clearly, there are some discrepancies between the airlines operating out of TLH and the students desperately trying to get home to their overbearing parents. With the prices only continuing to skyrocket, it seems like there is not any relief in sight for the wallets and cramped leg muscles of travelers. With that being said, just remember that, while you could have gone on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation via a plane that doesn’t use vegetable oil as fuel, you were instead able to display your never-ending commitment to SoFlo’s unbearable humidity and kick-ass photo-ops.