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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:

"You know that cake you posted today? It wasn't that bad! Sure it was misspelled, and the icing looked like someone had spread it on with their tongue, and there was that feces border and thumb print - oh, and the dead bug was kinda gross. But did you see that rose?! Gorgeous!"

Yeeeeah.

Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say abouteach and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.

Ready?

*pulling up happy pants*

Here we GOOOO!

Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!

Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.

Uh...

Noisemakers!

I love noisemakers.

Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers areawesome.

Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.

Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.

Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!

Oh, crap.

I mean, uh, oooo. Tough one.

Sure, there's a full load of things I could say here, but not many would be what you'd call "awesome." Hmm.

[thinking]

[thinking]

[despairing]

[back to thinking]

Ok, I think I got it:

You tell me.

That's right, tell me what's awesome about this Wreck in the comments. Why? Well, mostly for the glory. But also because you just might win Neil's book:

I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's alsohalf off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)

Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]

Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.

[John's rule type stuff]When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!

UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)

I think the marble gives it an almost ceremonious look. This is what it would look like if a dog had done his business in the Sistine Chapel. Not every poop have the chance to be stepped in by the pope! It's a poop for the pope. Thanks for all the laughs/ Sofia Häggvik

Well, you previously stated that: 1) clean colons are awesome, 2) being regular is also awesome, 3) noisemakers are awesome, and 4) not straining while cutting the cheese is awesome. So this cake is the epitome of awesome, because we can see that : someone didn't strain enough while cutting (and eating) too much cheese, became very regular, probably made a lot of noise, and then had the cleanest colon ever! So how AWESOME is that?

I think it's simply awesome that at least they didn't try to top that pile off with an inscription on top. I would've really hated to see that one in the teacher tearjerker category. Patty (who used to be a fan of chocolate)

What's awesome about that last cake? Your comment and timing was perfect!

I always smile at Cake Wrecks and often chuckle, but after seeing that cake and reading what you wrote below, I laughed out loud. If I had not just swallowed my coffee, it would have been all over my desk. Thanks so much for always making me smile, and for bringing a big belly laugh into my day today.

The SCATs (Scatalogical Community of Archeological Trusteeship) were delighted at how well this represented the momentous [snicker] discovery of tyrannosaurus excrement, especially that the texture accurately represented the questionable health status of the t-rex who produced the sample!

Well, I'll be darned if it's not Sunday today -- after seeing that last cake, I could have sworn that it was Sunday Sweets! Just look at the carefully sculpted homage to the 1958 horror film "The Blob" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhyRpvgm03g -- cut to around :30).

I bet I'm the first person to notice how shiny the cake is, and what a nice marble slab it's on. WHAT? I'm NOT??? Well s**t! I've been reading these comments for hours, and I'm about ready to involuntarily produce a facsimile of that cake... errgghhh! Anyways, the comment that made me laugh the most was the one that said "I see the Virgin Mary"... AWESOME!KayDee

You know all those socks that come out of the dryer mysteriously missing their partner? Solved! Some lucky beneficiary gets to cut into that pile, sort out and (after repeated washings)reunite their unwed socks formerly hopelessly lost under ganache. Yay!

There's nothing like the sweet smell of success when you pinch that frosting tube shut after dumping it on a warm, steaming, gooey pile of cake. Perfect for birthday parties--just drop it off at the pool with with the kids! They'll come back so pooped from all the fun, you'll really be able to take a load off. AWESOME! (Emily Winn)