Monster Mash

With exactly a week until Halloween, some of the ESA execs and editors from TGS have gathered together to share their some of their favourite spooks, literary and otherwise. Read on for a collection of horrors most foul, strange, and unnatural!

Jia – Frankenstein

Victor Frankenstein is my favourite monster. Sure, it would be pretty scary if some kid chose to dress up as an eight-foot-tall, translucent-skinned, yellow-eyed creature (with bolts in their neck, if you’re into the Boris Karloff portrayal) and showed up at my door asking for candy, but let’s be real: a father with abandonment issues—a privileged, educated white dude succumbing to hubris, and abusing his power and scientific abilities? Talk about terrifying.

Mary – Kelpies

They curl up in the murky depths of Scottish ponds, all soft bellies and sharp teeth. When they hear your lost crying coming close, they slip out of the water and urge you closer. Mostly they look like large horses—flat, black eyes, thick hooves—but on occasion they twist their sinews, crack bone, and take on a human form instead. Same flat, black eyes though. All the better to haunt you with. Come with me, they murmur. And you do: you slide a hand up the smooth skin of their flank, twist your fingers into their dripping hair. You don’t feel lost anymore. And soon the water is filling your lungs and the Kelpie has got their tongue at your throat, at your pulse, and everything is quiet.

Eleanor – The Hydra

In today’s era of instant updates, global catastrophes beyond number, and fully one million emails, what monster better to fit our student life nightmares than the Hydra? Think you’ve dealt with your two October short papers? BAM, FOUR TERM PAPERS! Gotten over that budgetary hump at the beginning of September? WHAM, HOLIDAY GIFT SHOPPING AND TERM TWO TUITION AND A FIRE-BREATHING SURPRISE LIBRARY FINE. What’s that? You’re finally on top of your administrative tasks at work? OH SNAP, IT’S A BUNCH OF GRANT APPLICATIONS PLUS THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS YOU TO CALL THEM. The scariest thing about hydras, real or metaphorical, is the total possibility that no matter how many heads you cauterize, they’re still slowly regenerating, lying in wait under the Lernaean water. Honestly, what bugs me the most about this whole business is that Herakles went and fought one alone. Feeling secure about your accomplishments?? HAHA EVERYONE ELSE IS IN LAW SCHOOL AND ALSO HERAKLES FOUGHT A GIANT NIGHTMARE LIZARD ALL BY HIMSELF.

Cassandra – Mothman

Beautiful thick thighs, strong supple back, and lovely glowing red eyes. Mothman is a beauty all his own. First sighted in 1966 in West Virginia, the poor soul has since been blamed for many unfortunate happenstances. Often times appearing before a major catastrophe, all he ever wanted was to warn us folks about impending disasters via an immense and undecipherable shriek into the night. With his enchanting black bat wings, he’d follow people home and check up on couples kissing in cars, only wishing to help a friend in need. Today, he has since apologized for his supposed problematic behavior, and now resides in Point Pleasant, West Virginia with his two dogs, Peanut Butter and Oreo.

Charmaine – The Thunderbird

The Thunderbird is a supernatural being, our school mascot, and a breakfast sandwich at the now-retired Gallery (1.0). But what is he?? UBC’ers tend to draw a blank whenever someone asks about our sports team…

The Ubyssey staff and now-retired Pep Club chose “Thunderbirds” as a school mascot about 60 years ago when they were unsatisfied with “Seagulls” (which turns out to be the mascot for the Nest!). However, “Thunderbird” wasn’t officially sanctioned by First Nations (whose traditions the being comes from) until 1948.

I think it’s important to recognize the source of our mascots if they’re borrowed from a tradition. But I also think it’s kinda cool to call a blue giant eagle your school mascot and have a killer name like “Thunderbird.” Sure speaks to Vancouver’s rainy winters…Rebecca – The Lunch FoxThey’re a modern monster and, insofar as rule-breakers and deviants are considered monstrous, a monster by choice. Perhaps you’ve caught a glimpse of this elusive criminal in your Messenger chats. Orange ears, dressed all black, toting a single brown paper bag, the Facebook Fox Lunch Bandit is no mere sticker—they’re an enigma of great renown. Did they steal that lunch? And if they did, is this their first, thrilling theft? Or just one in a long string of mid-day meal heists? Are they, instead, a master criminal, prepared for anything, lunch packed and ready to go? Have they stolen something of unfathomable value and now seek to pass it off as a plain, lackluster, probably-soggy-by-now meal? What’s in their bag? So many questions and absolutely no answers. We scroll past the lunch fox to type a few emojis in response and the nefarious thief escapes up a staircase of white and blue speech bubbles, taking their great mystery with them.

Do you have a favourite monster? Let us know in the comments below or in person! Stop by our Halloween Event on the 31st. We’ll be in BUCH 104A from 3:00 – 5:00 PM. There will be treats, games, and spooky stories. Bring your most terrifying friends!