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Monday, October 26, 2015

Maggi Wapsi

Courtesy - Google images

The Bombay High Court on Thursday set aside the countrywide ban on nine variants of Nestle’s Maggi instant noodles, saying the national food regulator had acted in an “arbitrary” manner and not followed the “principles of natural justice” while banning the product.

The residents of Hungristan are dusting cobwebs from their kitchen pots and pans, nervously clicking gas-lighters, hovering near their gas-stoves, their stomachs rumbling in anticipation. Their favourite, sweetheart of millions, Maggiwati is returning after a long vanwas.

Though it’s been only a few months since she went missing, but it feels like a lifetime. Unable to bear the trauma of waking up hungry on those lonely nights, and no simmering Maggiwati to cuddle up to, Dharmendra had taken to writing angst filled poetry. His composition – My life is an empty bartanbaby jaan, you are my dhakkan,

When Sunny, Bunny, Chavanni first heard this song at Maaji Bar, they promptly burst into tears. Something they hadn’t done in decades. Maggiwati was their pole of support through hours of harrowing traffic, snarling drivers and cacophonous symphony of horns. All they had to do was get back home alive and she’d be waiting for them lying coiled in her aromatic glory, waiting to be devoured.

She was simple unlike most women. All it needed was just two minutes to reduce her to a gooey mass of deliciousness. Okay, it took more than two, maybe 10. But once you fell for her easy charms, she became a lifetime obsession. Try as you might, you could never let go of her. In fact, you locked her in your cupboard, hid her in your drawers and sometimes under the bed. She was the answer to every hungry hosteller’s prayer seeking succour from the tyranny of mess food, the brightest thing at a girl’s pyjama party. She reminded her fans, her passionate lovers, her lifelong devotees of Ma kaa pyaar – unconditional, uncomplicated, a little unhealthy and filled with calories.

Maybe this is what made her so charming – the sin factor. Her bad girl appeal made her all the more desirable. The more your parents told you to stay away from her, the more you lusted for her. There’s an old jungle saying, too much of a good thing always attracts the evil eye. Just as Maggiwati was busy sowing oats with desh ki dhak dhak, Madhuri, people started casting aspersions on her character. The noodle of suspicion was pointed at her. Maggi was accused of ‘lead’ing men and women to the path of damnation and betraying their trust. She was dragged from one laboratory to another and asked to prove her purity even as she protested her innocence.

The reports were damning. They all claimed she was poison.

The witch hunt had started. She was put on a stake, humiliated, pelted with stones even by those who’d declared their undying love for her in the privacy of their rooms. She was thrown out of cupboards, drawers and asked never to show her face again.

From the pedestal to garbage bin – it was indeed a mighty fall.

Even as Maggiwati drapes her yellow sari, getting ready for ghar-wapsi with full honours, she can’t help but smile wistfully. In her absence, Lady Why Wai, Yippee Leone and Patanjali Devi had tried their best to snake themselves into the heart of her admirers but failed miserably. How can you fall for these fakes when you’ve tasted the best with lots of monosodium glutamate!

Maybe this was the agnipareeksha that every true love must go through. The humiliation, taunts, getting disowned by your dearest. She felt like a heroine of a historical saga. She felt Juliet’s pain, Heer’s trauma, Sita’s disillusionment. Only this time she didn’t have to die in the end.

On the contrary, she had fought back like an emancipated woman of the 21st century and finally restored her tarnished image to its restored glory.

Maggiwati couldn’t wait to slide down the hungry gullets of her lovers in all her masala laden glory. But first she’ll have to take care of the bitches who engineered her downfall.

OMG, ha ha. Did you sleep at all? After all the hard work, wasn't expecting a post soon. 'The more your parents told you to stay away from her, the more you lusted for her,' a gem. And many more. This New Year, I plan to place Maggiwati back on the pedestal by throwing Maggi parties. Bah for oppertunism evinced by Patanjali Devi.

But do you think we can trust Maagiwati turned from poison to amrut now? I donno...I stopped buying any kind of noodles from the stores now..itna dara diya Maagi behen ne...loved the post...missed reading your witty posts :) Hope you have unpacked completely and settled down.

Now that Maggi has a gender!! finally, i can stop calling her , IT.I never did like the 2-D taste of Maggi...Not sure why,...maybe because my mom kept throwing the tastemaker out the window and used the noodles to make the usual ChowMein....so..in concluding..i should admit.. that Ive never...eaten Maggi?!! Good Lord.

Ummm...Maggi and her luscious blonde curls are awaited eagerly in my household too. Tried this and that, the riff-raff, but the two Maggi connoisseurs at home would turn up their nose and wait for the real one! Quite a post!

I needed a good laugh and thank you for providing one. Absolutely loved this post :) Can't wait for Maggiwati to be back again. Btw, I never threw her out, she remained my guilty pleasure as long as she lasted :)

"...she had fought back like an emancipated woman of the 21st century...". I really like this reference and consider this to be the highlight of the post. Yes, I do love Maggi and I am eagerly waiting for the return of the beloved Maggiwati. But the reference is quite apt.

And, she passed the Agnipariksha with the whole hoopla about Ghar Waapsi and ugli politics, videshi takat and all. Can we live without Maggi, our savior the damsel in distress who rescue us?Love this line, Even as Maggiwati drapes her yellow sari, getting ready for ghar-wapsi with full honours, she can’t help but smile wistfully.

Do check this old post if you have time:https://vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/mera-maggi/

All this coming from a person who is not obsessed with Maggi? :P Its my first time here and I loved reading this one! There's this feeling of guilt in me whenever I hear the moms in the new Maggi ad say "Maggi surakshit thi". I truly feel if Maggi was a person, she would be receiving lots of sorry notes!