Wediquette Wednesday: Is it OK to remove people who didn’t attend your engagement party from the wedding guest list?

Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.)

Question: My sister invited everyone on her wedding guest list to her engagement party. Several people didn’t show up and some of that group didn’t R.S.V.P. Honestly, she’s being a bit of a diva about the entire thing and now she doesn’t want to invite the people who didn’t show up and, or R.S.V.P. to the engagement party to the wedding reception and ceremony. Is it OK to remove people who didn’t attend your engagement party from the wedding guest list?

Answer: Wedding planning, with all of the stress and attention, is a complicated time. Frequently, we see not only the best sides of our personality on display, but also the worst. With the gentle and tactful urging of our closest friends and family, we can usually be brought to our senses. Once your sister has calmed down a little and has gotten over her hurt feelings over those who missed the engagement party, sweetly — with no condescension — acknowledge her feelings and remind her of the important tradition of anyone invited to the engagement party also being invited to the wedding. It might go something like this, “Julie, I know how hurt you are that several of our friends and family you feel close to didn’t attend the engagement party. I’m sorry that happened and I would feel a little upset too. Obviously people have conflicting obligations or things come up that can’t be avoided, so perhaps you could offer up a hall pass and get back into the happy, wedding planning spirit. Also, don’t forget that you are supposed to invite everyone who was invited to the engagement party to the wedding, right?” Be sure to give her a hug and offer any other assistance and support you can, keeping in mind your own obligations.

Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or email Melanie@MyNewOrleans.com.