Starbucks shut down all their stores on Tuesday afternoon for hour after hour of “racial sensitivity” training after one store manager called the police on some loiterers who refused to leave her store.

Though the store manager didn’t break any laws and was following Starbucks’ own policy, the loiterers were both given free tuition at Arizona State University as part of a settlement with Starbucks and were also given the “opportunity to provide input based on their personal experience to former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder as part of the company’s long-term diversity and equity efforts.”

A few days ago Starbucks released a preview of their extensive “racial sensitivity” training program for the media and it’s as cringeworthy as it gets:

…all the money in the world can’t buy common sense, but it can buy a guest appearance by rapper and activist Common.

Starbucks is actually branding this indoctrination event as “5/29.” They’re not calling it “Don’t Be a Racist Day” or whatever. It’s just… 5/29. They’re 9/11’ing it. Now there’ll be pre-5/29 thinking and post-5/29 thinking. It’s the day everything changes forever. This is a pivotal moment in human history, brought to you by the Starbucks Corporation.

Prediction: No Starbucks employee in the entire world will be any more or less racist after this struggle session. Any Starbucks employee who is genuinely bigoted — whether it’s against black people, white people, or any other sort of people — will continue to be that way. And the other 99% of the staffers will resent being scolded for things they haven’t done, and/or grateful for a paid day off to dick around watching videos and talking about their feelings. Or at least what they want everybody to think their feelings really are.