Are You Missing The Point?

20 July 2007

Imagine communication is like a spear. It can be long or short, blunt or sharp and when you get ready to throw it, how long a run up you take is up to you. As you go through your life using this tool more and more, the better you get at aiming it not only in the right direction and at the right person, but also to hit the mark more and more often.

Yet with some people and in some situations, no matter how hard you try, you just keep missing the point or the point misses you! So what’s going on?

Well, the word communication literally means “to share” so when things are going pear-shaped it pays to become conscious of what you are actually sharing. Effective communication is not achieved through voicing the edited default newsreel of events and “he said, she said” that makes up the noise in our heads. The constant “blah, blah, blah” that goes on within us and without us is not the stuff that really hits the mark. Effective communication occurs when what you intended the other to get, they got and you got that they got it!

Communication occurs from the whole of you – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. And whether you are aware of it or not, you are always communicating something. So becoming conscious of what you are actually communicating (and what you are not) is akin to sharpening and honing your spear so you can throw it further, faster and more accurately the next time.

Start by taking responsibility for ALL of what you give and ALL of what you receive in every interaction. Pay attention to the feedback and if you find yourself reacting to what comes back ask yourself: “What have I made this response mean to me? Why am I getting so angry/upset/defensive etc. about it? What’s going on inside me?” The answers to any one of those questions will lead you to the sharp, pointy end of the communication – the stuff that when shared changes everything.