Man United swooping to snatch Tottenham’s best player at five to eleven, every year…

Purple dildos in Sky reporter’s ears…

Now what do we get? Peter Crouch going to Burnley. Jeeez, can’t wait for that podcast.

Eyes down…

Goalkeeper

Total Pts

GW 24 Pts

Alisson (LIV)

110

2

Defenders

Robertson (LIV)

131

2

Alonso (CHE)

120

0

van Dijk (LIV)

119

2

Luis (CHE)

105

0

Midfielders

Salah (LIV)

179

2

Hazard (CHE)

148

2

Sterling (MC)

144

1

Sane (MC)

129

2

Forwards

Aubameyang (ARS)

148

12

Kane (TOT)

132

0

I said last time that GW 23 may have already given us as many as nine of the FPL Dream Team X1. But it seems I was selling it short.

For the first time this season, there are no changes – and today’s team includes two sets of fixtures.

Not vintage Red…

Not the best couple of weeks for Liverpool’s back five – Palace matched the total number of goals fished out of Alisson’s Anfield net all season last weekend. And one was enough to poop on the party in midweek.

But Robertson and van Dijk keep their places alongside Chelsea’s Alonso and Luis, who have endured an even worse week. Neither managed a point – like Chelsea in his last two on the road – and shipping six goals makes you wonder if their problems are confined to the opposite end. They remain the only four defenders in the 100pt club though.

An easy day’s night…

In Midfield a measly 7pts shared between the four was enough to keep them fab. Salah (LIV) and Hazard (CHE) are the Paul and John, Sterling and Sane (MC) the George and Ringo.

Liverpool’s Mane (Yoko) out-pointed all of them on Wednesday night but just misses out.

Whoa black betty, Aubameyang!

While cats Kane (TOT) and Wilson (BOU) have been away, Arsenal’s top… erm… mouse Aubameyang has been left to play. His way into a 16pt lead at the top of the Forwards pile. In the process he has avoided a Hazard and is now more valuable than Sterling in the overall list. So is now second only to Salah.

Jimenez (WOL) was the week’s big climber, drawing level on points with Aguero (MC) but available at less than half the price.

The Watch List: A bench of fives.

If you haven’t got, or can’t get, or don’t fancy any of the above – this lot are handy alternatives.

Ben Dinnery

Ben is football’s leading injury specialist. The ‘go-to’ guru for big hitters like Sky Sports, ESPN and NBC Sports when they need data. Or the BBC, talkSPORT and the broadsheets when a quote is required. His unique insight has helped provide a better understanding of what is really happening in the treatment rooms.

Johnny Wilson

Johnny is a respected physiotherapist and sports scientist, specialising in football injuries and rehab. Johnny has headed up the medical departments at Chesterfield, Scunthorpe and Notts County. Overseeing everything from player-specific training loads to pre-signing medicals. He has a proven record working with elite athletes in Private Practice and is regularly called upon throughout Europe to deliver presentations on the latest rehab innovations.

Matt Nesbitt

Matt's short, unremarkable football career was ended by his own bad driving. His long, distinguished career as a football tipster was ended by his own good advice. Because bookmakers don’t like a winner. First, they closed his accounts. Then his members’ accounts. Then his tipping service. And now they employ him as a consultant. Funny old game.