Tuesday, November 4, 2014

There are three key skills for conducting successful influence conversations

Inquiry: Asking how they understand it

Acknowledgement: Demonstrating understanding of their story and having empathy for their feelings

Advocacy: Explaining how you understand it

As you use these three skills, you begin to understand the other person's story; what their conclusions are; what interpretations they based their conclusion on and what data they based their interpretations on.

From there, you can find common ground, as well as differences, as you begin to explain the data you see, and what your interpretations of the data is and how you arrive at your conclusions.

This whole process can be viewed as two different ladders. This tool is called the Ladder of Inference.

As you use the three skills to go down their ladder and up yours, keep these tips in mind for each skill:

Inquiry

Seek to elicit their story or point of view, their feelings, and the impact of your actions on them

Help them walk down their ladder and share specifics about key information, assumptions, and reasoning underlying their conclusions

Get curious: ask yourself "What am I missing?" "What might they know that I don't?"

Assume they have thought about these things that they have not addressed; ask how

Acknowledgement

Put their story at least as eloquently as they did

Test the accuracy of your understanding and whether the other person feels heard

Name their feelings as well as their logic

Communicate empathy - the sense that you can understand their feelings in the context of their story (how they make sense)

Remember that you can demonstrate understanding of their story without signaling agreement (or disagreement)