How to Cope With The War on Cops As A Police Wife

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I’ll be honest – my heart hasn’t really been into blogging lately.

I’m glad I’ve had some posts pre-written for the next few weeks, because the latest media frenzy against police is weighing me down… and I know I’m not alone. I know I’ve needed to write something on the topic, but I hadn’t really been able to figure out how.

I just feel like… what can I possibly say?

I actually wrote an entire post that I ended up deleting, because I just didn’t feel up to getting into the politics of the situation. It was written out of anger, outrage, and hurt, and that’s never a good place to write from. Nonetheless, if you’re searching for my opinion on the matter, here it is.

Police officers put their lives on the line every day. They deserve our love and support. They deserve the benefit of the doubt, and the right to being innocent until proven guilty. If they kill a criminal who has put their lives in imminent danger, it’s sad. It’s sad when people die. But the fault lies in those who break the law, not those who swear to uphold it and keep that promise. Those who target police officers are nothing short of terrorists, and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Politics aside, it seems the daily life of LEO wives is different. All through his career, you’ve known danger and death were a possibility. Every day, he’s put his life on the line. Now, it’s different. Now, death and danger feel suddenly imminent and not like just a mere possibility.

People are scared. People are angry. People are really in need of some comfort, strength, and encouragement.

So with all that being said…

How can you cope with the war on cops when you’re married to one?

Give it to God.

I have to pray, every single day, or I think I would lose it. I pray for my husband’s safety. I pray that he’ll be guided to do the right things and make the right decisions that will keep him safe. I pray for our family to stay together and not to be harmed.

I also have to focus on uplifting scriptures that talk about God’s promises. Jeremiah 29:11 is a good one, for instance.

There are also countless scriptures that instruct us not to be afraid, like Joshua 1:9. Take that counsel to heart and really focus on the fact that God will make all things right in the end if you are faithful. Give all your fear to God.

While you’re at it, give Him your anger, too, even if it’s anger at Him. He knows you: He can take it. The scriptures are full of the faithful occasionally questioning God’s plan for them. It’s part of our journey in this life.

If you’re struggling to give these over to Him, go back to step one and pray for help with that, too.

Remember that Jesus died and was resurrected in order for the grave to not have to victory over us. This life is not the end. Even if the unthinkable should happen in your family, hold tight to these promises. White knuckle them. Don’t ever let them go. Remember that there’s more beyond this life. Keep your eyes on Christ, not on the storm around you.

Let it out.

After you’ve prayed, if you still feel angry and sad, do something to help. Whatever you think would improve your mood, whether it’s watching a silly movie, playing a game with your kids, or going somewhere fun, like the zoo.

Try listening to uplifting music, even if you can’t go anywhere. My personal favorite radio station is Air1, and you can find your local radio station on their website, or stream directly from there or from their app. They always manage to play music that comforts me no matter what I’m needing.

If you have an opportunity to make someone else’s day better, do it. There’s nothing that will improve your mood and help you see the light in the world better than being the good in the world yourself.

The most important thing as that you don’t let the negative things stick around and fester.

Focus on the good.

Focus on the time you have together, on how wonderful it is when your husband arrives home safe, and how much he loves you and your kids.

Use the fear to make you humble, to make you more forgiving toward your husband and less likely to hold a grudge. Let the evil designed to tear your family apart build it up. Let it make you more focused on the good in your life because, even when times are good, nothing is a given. Today is the most important day, because we can’t change yesterday and we can’t plan for tomorrow.

One great way I’ve found to do this is through my art journaling: if you’re interested in giving it a shot, I wrote a whole post about how to start, even if you’re not necessarily artistically inclined.

All I’m saying is, remember to make every single day count.

Arm yourself.

This is going to be a controversial one, but I think it’s important. Because of the current climate, I’m focusing on getting my concealed weapons permit, improving my shooting skills, and making it a habit to carry at all times.

It’s a dangerous world out there, and we’re seeing it only get more and more dangerous.

Needless to say, if you can’t put the time and energy into carrying safely, don’t do this one at all. If you can, though, I advise you to make it a priority. Make yourself and your family less likely to be a victim.

What are some ways you’ve found to cope with fear and anxiety as a police wife?

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39 Comments

Deborah Shepard
on September 21, 2016 at 11:27 am

I completely agree with you…we HAVE to give it to God! My father is a retired LEO. He was my hero. There was a completely different set of emotions when my Hubby put on the badge…fear was the greatest. Now my son has just obtained his Degree in Criminal Justice…here goes another roller coaster of emotions. Prayer and trust in God Almighty! That will see you through????????????

Great article. Nobody understands but fellow LEO wives. We’re at the 27 year mark and with promotions my husband isn’t patrolling the streets any longer but he still wears a uniform and I worry when he is out. I always worry and pray for the younger generation who are still out there. Thank you.

I feel exactly the same where you start off by saying how hard it is to even become part of the political conversation regarding police. As a police officers wife and mom of two littles, I am very sad and angry at what the world has become. It’s hard to find the place to chime in about politics without coming from that angry, saddened LEO wife. The more I try not to think about it, the better off I am. Lucky for me, this is easy with trying to balance work and our 3 and 1 year olds. Much love and a ton of respect from my family to all the other LEO families out there. God bless you all.

Yes! And no matter what you say or how you say it, it ends up in bitterness and contention. No fun.
But you’re right, the littles make it a lot easier to not engage 😉
Thank you so much 🙂 God bless you as well, and have a great day!

I’ve found comfort in talking it out, occasionally (very important word there) with other people… even a licensed counselor. It’s not good to talk about it too much because then it starts to overtake you…

Leah thank you for these words. I have been a LEO wife for 16 years and it has definitely been mire nerve racking the past year with what seems like a war on our LEO’s. Those of us who love and support these brave men and women are often forgotten in the shadows. Posts like this help to humanize our LEO’s to the general public.

Thank you so much for this article. I have lately had the problem that my husband needs to fill me in on all the news reports of what is happening all over the country. I know he does it to vent and to prepare himself but it is so hard to hear! He usually tells me these stories right before bed after we have put our young kids to sleep. I struggle hearing them because I have just spent the evening with the family and don’t like thinking about the danger he is in. However, if I say anything about it, then he doesn’t want to talk anymore. It is nice to hear some thoughts on coping when I hear these stories.

It’s terrifying to feel that death is an imminent part of being a LEO wife. Every day when my husband leaves for his shift, it feels like he won’t come home. The hours of not getting a text back are terrifying. I’m always checking the news. It’s so hard that we have to live with so much stress just for our men going to their job every day.

Your last point is so valid. The world is a crazy place and we have to protect our little ones and ourselves. It’s crazy, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that we are targets ourselves just for being married to these men. Thanks for opening up a dialogue about our unique position as police wives and the associated challenges.

My LEO is a 25 yr veteran….still working. He’s gone from jailer, patrolman, detective, sex crimes & child abuse investigator, back to patrolman. He’s seen & heard things that are unimaginable. The only way I have been able to handle being a LEO wife is GOD! I’ve prayed Paul’s prayer in the 1st chapter of Ephesians over him for many years now. These are trying times for our LEOS, I’ll not lie….my nerves are more frazzled than ever. The very favorite sound in the world is Velcro being undone at the end of a long shift. My prayer is that God protects them as they suit up, keeping them intelligent and discerning in knowing what to do, keeping their eyes focused and mind clear. Thanking you all for your prayers!

Not only was I a LEOs wife, but worked a civilian position in the same dept for 20 years! My husband was a narcitucs officer alit of his career and even he says the current climate is sickening! I turned everything over to God EVERYDAY and I truly believed and knew that all his partners were the best!!!!

Well said! Non-LEO wives ask me all the time if I worry. I tell them there is no sense in worrying because you’ll only drive yourself crazy. As a police wife, you have to be solid in your faith and find comfort in knowing what will be will be. Easier said then done, but I think all police wives can relate. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the fears police wives have!

There’s no war on the police , for goodness sake it’s your paranoid thinking , 1 the death toll of police officers have significantly dropped this is the lowest under any presidency you’ve ever lived in , you talk like its the 90s or some wild west type of thing , 2 police officers jobs aren’t even in the top 20 most dangerous jobs in the USA , they’re not patrolling Afghanistan 3 why is there so much pressure on the public on how to behave when meeting police officers ? How come cops are never trained how to De escalate situations ? The whole good cop thing is out the window the moment every single officer in a department sits back and watch their fellow officers kill and fabricate evidence against innocent civilians who pay their salaries ?

My son in law is an LEO, so I am concerned for him and my daughter and grandaughter. But please know this: Many more people support LEO’s than believed. I think we just don’t speak out enough. We need to let them know. I am doing this more often. Praying for the LEO’s and family are something we call ALL do each and every day! I do and I encourage everyone else to do the same.

As an LEO, I want to say Thank You! We have gone through trying times with the passing of my mother in law, and my wife has attended counseling for it. I work in a very LEO supportive city and can’t wait for her to see that.

Wonderful post! I think we all need to concentrate more on God in our lives and I thank you for the reminder and verses. I willl share this with my sweet daughter-in-law. My son is a police officer. They will have their first babe in October. As mom, I try to put my worry behind me and focus on the times we see them. I look forward to watching them as a family. I pray for my son and his family and all LEO’s and for all that being an LEO family entails. ????????????

The perceived war on police is due to the constant reminder that police can harm and kill civilians and get away with it. As soon as law enforcement purges the bad apples among them, this so-called war on cops will end.

I love what you have written. I am so thankful officers have wives like you that support them. But I have one request, please do not forget about that person behind the scenes. The dispatcher that just may hold your husbands life in their hands to get them the help they will need. Or the other many people behind the scenes that are working feverishly to make phone calls and get other important information out there, administrative personnel. They are so often forgotten. I can tell you from experience being on the other side of that radio is very scary and not knowing if all is ok for several minutes is exhausting. We wait to hear your husbands/wives/sons/daughters etc. to respond to our 10-90 check (welfare) with our breath held. The sigh of relief is over whelming but so much is at risk this is the way it has to be. Thank you for the read. Your behind the scenes girl that will be there to keep them safe! I truly have your 6.

Leah, your blog is fantastic. I hope you continue to inspire law enforcement families. I wish I had had something like this to refer to when I was a 20-something in the 1980’s and ’90’s! The current climate is harsh, and the danger is real. We must all support each other. Our law enforcement officers see and feel so much, that they don’t let us know about. The career is incredibly rewarding, and equally draining. I pray your family ends this career intact, in love, and healthy. Just as mine has. Celebrating one week to retirement, and feeling like we’ve earned every single minute of it! God Bless.

I agree with every point! As an LEO wife of 18 years I’ve gotten into the habit of praying for him every time I see his call number. Whether it’s glancing at the clock and seeing 3:41 or being at work and seeing 341 on a page or board, I stop and pray. For his safety, sanity and his soul.
PS – And I carry. Every. Day. 🙂

This was a good read. I have never been worried about my husband while he works until recently. I tell him no matter what I stand with him. I beg him to do what he has to, to come Home Safe, better to be judged by 12 then carried by 6.
We find most of our venting comes out in conversations together. We count on each other and I am his counselor and his rock and he is mine. Best of luck and love to all the other Leo’s and LEOWs and families.
Melissa

I just found you on Pinterest. I just read two of the things you wrote. Only another LEO wife can put in to words the words you used. Thank you! Thank you for putting my feelings in your words. I’m on my 19th year if being an LEO wife. I’m still just as proud of my husband now as I was at the beginning of his career. Probably more now. Especially after doing some rides alongs with him. That’s something I recommend every wife to do at some point. I didn’t mean to ramble on. I just wanted to say “thank you” for your time and words in your posts. I’ve shared some of your post with other wives of my hubby’s department. Continue writing the good works fir those of us that can’t put two words together like you do. And, May your hubby (and all other LEO’s significant other) continue to be safe and come home to you and yours. ???

Thank You sooo much for the encouraged words for LEO wives such as myself. I found you on Pinterest while looking for picture ideas for a photo shoot with my hubby in his uniform. Sorry for going off base but as I was searching I found your page. Which gave me comfort and relief to find I am not the only one out there that needs encouragement for what our husbands go through day and night when they go on duty. The worry and thoughts that go through our minds. Thank you and Bless You for your words of encouragement and The Lord touching you to help others. And to All of the other LEO Wives out there “God Bless You and Your husband (family) and May the Lord Protect and be with You all always!