But just because you expect someone to die doesn't make it any easier I find. The sorrow of losing someone you love and who has a meaningful impact on your life isn't something you can prepare for. Even so, in my spiritual practice, I had already done a vigil for the dying, visualizing myself with him each day, where he was.

And after he died I've done a vigil of the death working to commune with him as he passes on, as I share in this video.

I've also found social media to be an unexpected medium in this ritual of honoring the dead. On his Facebook page, I and my siblings have been posting pictures and memories of our time with him. Writing and reading those memories and looking at those pictures is helping me hold space with the spirit of my father and engage in perhaps the most important thing I can do for him.

Honor him and also let him go.

The only way I can do that is by being present in my grief for his passing, yet also be present in the joy of the memories and the gratitude I feel for how he's impacted me as a person.

Doing this work around death right now is as much for me as it is for him. It's finding my place in this world without him, yet also carrying him with me as I go forward. It's letting myself grieve and feel sad with the other people who also have been impacted by him. And its honoring his next journey by letting go instead of trying to hold on.

The mystery of death is that it teaches us what's most important about life: That we appreciate who we have in our lives and that we recognize how they've helped us be who we are, even as we appreciate them for being them. The rituals we engage into recognize death are also designed to help us appreciate life, because you cannot have one without the other.

Some day I will die. I will leave behind people who will hopefully feel that I've impacted their lives more positively than negatively. Doing this spiritual work around death makes me realize that as I honor my dad I also look toward how I can learn from him and live my life better. Death gives us perspective, makes us realize through the loss of someone just how much our lives have been enriched by that person who passed on.

What is remembered lives on not merely through the memory of the person but how we take that memory and apply it toward our own lives. May we honor that person in the living of our lives, as we carry that person with us on our journeys.

Recently I was visiting Long Beach, Washington and while I was there I ended up visiting another site for the Confluence Project. Turns out that Long Beach was actually the first site consecrated for the project and what was fascinating to me was that you could see 5 different parts of the project. There was a board walk with writing on it about the geographic and historical dates for the Lewis and Clark trail, an amphitheater, a fish cleaning table and a view point. And all of those places were intriguing but the one which really spoke to me was the Cedar Grove Circle.

The cedar grove is this grove of trees. On the path to the trees is an invocation of the 7 directions. I recommend reading it as you walk up to the grove. The trees have these metal plates in them and when you walk into that space it feels like you go into a different world. You are closer to the spirit world there.

I stayed there for a little while communing with the land, the spirits, the Columbia river, the ocean and She Who Watches. Being in that space wasn't about doing something, but it was about being with something and letting it speak through me.

Then I hiked the park, just taking in the various parts of it. I found a tree (pictured above) where a hollow had been made and marveled at the site, appreciating the magic of it and the gift. And at one point I came to this cliff where I was able to see this bay where the ocean and land kissed.

I walked the land, taking it in, even as it took me in. I let myself get to know it, knowing as well I'd go back to this place which is so magical and speaks of the confluence of land and water, of nature and people, of cultures mixing and meeting.

I still have a couple more places to visit, which I'll share in a future blog post.

Taylor Ellwood is a magical experimenter and the author of a number of magic books including Pop Culture Magick, Space/Time Magic and the Process of Magic. When he's not working on his magical book or experimenting with magic, Taylor can be found writing fiction and enjoying the Pacific Northwest. To learn more, visit Magical Experiments.

On the second day of my spiritual pilgrimage to the confluence project sites I drove into Oregon and toward home, because the sites actually led back that way. The first site I visited was Celillo Park. It's currently the only site where the project hasn't been installed, but I wanted to go there anyway. It used to be underwater, because of the falls that had been there. It was supposed to be a protected fishing site for the Native Americans But in the 1950's the U.S. government built dams, which changed the Columbia and silenced the falls.

When I got to the park I walked along the river edge and the land and felt the wind whisper to me. I touched the land and communed with it and felt the presence of the Columbia, constrained for the moment, but stronger than any made dam, ultimately. I looked at the fish as they swam in the water and was reminded all over again of the life that touches us and that we touch everyday through our choices and actions.

Next I drove to the Sandy River Delta, which is right by Portland Oregon. It was the once the site of a dam that was decommissioned. The land and river has been restored there. It's also the site of the Bird Blind, which is a wood platform with slats of wood that have the names of the species Lewis and Clark discovered as well as the current status of those species. To get to the Bird Blind you have to hike for a couple miles and it was a blistering hot day, but I wanted to see this site, so I grabbed some water and hiked in.

Fortunately some of the path is shade. It's a gravel path and as you walk along it you see glimpses of the Columbia River through the trees. Every so often I would stop and spend a few moments listening to the land. Eventually I reached the bird blind, where I looked at the different species that had been "discovered" and looked at the statuses. Most of them are endangered or threatened.

I still have a couple sites to visit, but I'll do it in the fall, when its a bit cooler. But this trip gave me a lot to think about. Wherever I went, I didn't just see nature. I saw how people had impacted nature and in general not for the better. It made me ask myself what my own choices and consequences of those choices are as well as what I can do to support the land, the place I call home. At the same time I felt just how small and insignificant we are. These places will exist long after I do, in some form or another. I'm less than a blink, just a moment in the span of the life of these places.

Taylor Ellwood has been practicing magic since he was 16 and writing books about magic since his mid-twenties. His books include Pop Culture Magick, Space/Time Magic, and The Process of Magic. When Taylor isn't experimenting with magic or writing, he enjoys swimming, weight-lifting, traveling and gaming. To learn more about his latest projects, or read some of his other articles please visit Magical Experiments.

On the first day of my spiritual pilgrimmage, I drove out to the chief Timothy Park. It's the one site which most resembles what Lewis and Clark saw on their journey to explore the west. It's also the beginning of the confluence project. When I got there, I walked this path to site of the confluence project memorial, which is this place where 6 stone layers are set into the land, with writing that describes the significance of the site as well as the ritual done to commemorate the site.

This was the path I walked and what was fascinating about the walk to the memorial is that all of these grasshoppers started jumping on the path as I walked. As a result I took a slow, measured pace, because I didn't want to step on them. This only happened as I walked to the memorial and it felt like what as really happening is that they were a message from the land to honor it and the life on it. I took that to heart.

As I walked I felt the wind, the water, and the land speak to me. The water was a confluence of the Snake and Clearwater rivers. When I reached the memorial site, the listening theater I stood there for a while and just listened in the center. I listened to the land, the water, the life. I took in this place into my heart and let it speak to me and then I knelt and touched the land and allowed myself to just be with this place.

Afterwards I drove west to Sacajawea State park which was the next site. There I found seven circles which told the story of the confluence of the snake and Columbia rivers. I also learned more about Sacajawea who had been the guide and translator for the the Lewis and Clark expedition.

And for a time I just listened to the land, touched the river with my hands and feet and acknowledged how much this place had been changed by human hands for their own ends. Even the ecology of the park is reclaimed desert, turned green with grass and trees that before would have just been high desert scrub and bush.

After that I found a place to crash. Visiting both sites and driving around Eastern Washington was a rich experience and I was certain there would be even more the day.

Taylor Ellwood has been practicing magic since he was 16 and writing books about magic since his mid-twenties. His books include Pop Culture Magick, Space/Time Magic, and The Process of Magic. When Taylor isn't experimenting with magic or writing, he enjoys swimming, weight-lifting, traveling and gaming. To learn more about his latest projects, or read some of his other articles please visit Magical Experiments.

In a bit less than a week from the time of this writing, I'll be going on a short spiritual pilgrimage in the Columbia Gorge. My partner and I will be traveling up the Columbia River Gorge to check out the Confluence sites, and learn more about this region we live in.

One of the reasons I'm doing this journey is because I've felt a powerful connection to the spirit of the Columbia River. I feel that by traveling to these sites, walking the land and learning the lore I can develop a deeper relationship with the spirit of the river, while also honoring the past and present.

I think that when you decide to go on a spiritual pilgrimage its important to get clarity about why you are doing this journey and what you plan to offer and what you hope to get from it as well.

I've shared why I'm doing this journey above. I'm writing this article, and ones that come after it to share my experience with others and raise awareness about the Confluence project. And what I hope to get is a deeper connection to this land I live in. I feel that when you walk the land, you experience it directly and come to know it. And when you learn the history, it also helps you see your place in the present and determine what you'll do to contribute to the future.

The other preparation for a journey is the practical reality of being prepared. Do I have water for this trip? Do I have places to stay? Do I have something I can use to take any trash with me? Do I have my notebook, so I can record observations and experiences?

And then there's also this last most important preparation: Am I open to learning and being changed by this experience?

You can't really prepare for that last question. You just have to and have the experience and let it speak to you and through you.

*Picture Courtesy of WikiTravel

Taylor Ellwood has been practicing magic since he was 16 and writing books about magic since his mid-twenties. His books include Pop Culture Magick, Space/Time Magic, and The Process of Magic. When Taylor isn't experimenting with magic or writing, he enjoys swimming, weight-lifting, traveling and gaming. To learn more about his latest projects, or read some of his other articles please visit Magical Experiments.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always craved recognition. It’s not a surprise really. I grew up in a situation where the majority of attention I got was negative. I’d get grounded on the drop of a coin, or was told I was a disappointment on a regular basis and no matter what I did, it was never enough. That was the seed for my desire to be recognized.

Recognition is an insidious trap. On the one hand it gives you a temporary feeling of validation, and on the other hand you can never get enough and what you get is double-edged because it’s an ego trap that sabotages you. You always want more and so it influences what you do and why you do it. It’s an intoxicating feeling to be recognized, but its also a feeling that leads you into dangerous territory.

So how do you recognize the trap?

First we have to acknowledge that the desire to be recognize can and will influence many of our actions. It’s a natural drive and it can lead to good things, but when it’s the primary driver it can also sabotage your efforts because being recognized becomes more important than anything else. Look at what’s motivating you to do what you’re doing. Are you doing it for the right reasons, or are you doing it because you want to be recognized? Is your self-interest benefitting more than anything else? Are you doing it because you want acknowledgment, praise and validation, or are you doing it because it needs to be done?

Answering these questions honestly can be hard, but helpful because then you understand what your prime motivation is and how that is influencing your choices and actions you begin to see the ego trap you are in. I went through a period of time where I was thoroughly embedding in my recognition trap. I wanted to be recognized and it ultimately lead to a hard fall, because I couldn’t see how my desire to be recognized was getting in the way of what I really wanted to accomplish. Even now there are days I struggle with my desire to be recognized, because it was such a pervasive part of my identity.

What I have found helps with that struggle is the deliberate choice to simplify my life, removing any and all distractions, including the distraction of needing recognition. I’ve then asked myself what it is I really need to do and why. In my case, this has resulted in a refocus of my spiritual practice and also the choice to focus on writing a lot more than I have in the last couple of years. These are the two things that matter to me, regardless of whether I’m recognized for them or not.

Ironically, of course, I have gotten recognition for my writing and magical practice, but when I stopped focusing on getting recognition because I realized it was an ego trap, it changed how I approached my writing and spiritual practice. It became less about other people and what they might do or need and a lot more about what actually speaks to me and why it speaks to me. Yet I sit with the realization, nonetheless that I am still doing activities I’ve gotten recognition for and so the key, each and every day is to revisit my motivation and ask myself, “Why am I really doing this? What’s motivating me to write this or engage in this practice or experiment? Why does this matter to me?”

When you recognize what’s motivating you, then you can assess whether what you’re doing is coming from the right place or if you need to refocus or do some internal work. And it gets easier because once you recognize the recognition trap, you know when its about to close on your foot, and you don’t step forward into the bear trap. As I said above, there are days I struggle, days I work through my feelings around recognition and why that has been so important to me, but the internal work I’m doing is helping me release a lot of internal tensions around recognition and in the process simplifying my life so I can do what really fulfills me instead of continually seeking validation.

Taylor Ellwood is the author of Pop Culture Magic Systems and many other books on magic. To learn about his latest projects, please visit Magical Experiments.

The work I'm currently doing in my spiritual practice is a process of memorization. On the surface, it just seems like the memorization of words, but the words are a pathway to the deeper wordless truths that can only be experienced when you open yourself to what the words represent. What I'm really doing with the memorization is twofold.

First, I am connecting with the forces, spirits, etc., that are represented by the words. The words present a means to connect with those spirits in order to develop relationships and create associations that allow you to do deeper work with them. The words are the introduction to the spiritual current that is embodied and mediated by the spirits I'm working with.

Secondly, I'm also preparing myself internally to work with those forces. When I memorize the words, I'm embedding them into my consciousness and preparing myself energetically and mentally to connect with those forces and work with them. I'm preparing to mediate those forces so that they can be channeled and expressed in ritual to both myself and the world around me.

When I first start memorizing a chant, it initially is just about the words. I'm not trying to initially connect with the forces that the words represent. Simply saying the words again and again and embedding them into my memory will naturally help create the connections with the forces, but first I need to learn the words, make them part of my mind and my flesh and that only happens if I focus on the words themselves.

How I memorize the words is to say them over and over again, imprinting them on my mind through my voice and then mentally saying them to myself. I do this on the drive home from work, and when I exercise, and in other various moments that present themselves, making those words become part of my experiential reality.

As the words become part of my memory, the associations with the forces those words represent build. As I do the ritual where I chant what I've memorized I bring those connections to life, not because of a rote recitation of words, but because I open myself to the connections those words embody.

It's something which happens over time. The first time you chant words you've memorized, you might not feel the connection. It just might be words that have been recited. You'll know when you've connected, when it becomes something deeper, where you feel the current you are tapping into start to carry you in its flow.

The feeling of flow in a ritual is the choice to step aside and let the ritual, let the spirits, or forces work through you. You are mediating them and you do it by not just saying the words, but feeling and experiencing the words. You let the words carry you to the connection and through the words you speak you embody and mediate the connection. That experience of flow happens when you make the effort to memorize and embody the words and connections those words contain.

This is a relatively recent addition to my magical work, but I find that the memorization I'm doing creates an integrated experience over time. The initial effort is most certainly on just remembering the words, but as you learn the words and make them part of your consciousness, then the effort comes down to truly allowing everything to flow together. It means getting out of your own way and trusting the work to express itself through you. And when you do that you reach that place of flow and it reinforces the connection you've created through the memorization, which strengthens any work you do with those particular associations.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Taylor Ellwood can be found at Magical Experiments online, and otherwise working on whatever his latest project is.