Sugar and Spice…And Poop

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Reason #2756 why Evie won’t talk to me when she’s a teenager

Once upon a time, in a little village by the sea, there lived a simple people, who loved to fish, swim, drink ale and dance a merry jig.

The people lived a happy life and had no enemies to speak of. They worked, played, loved, lived and died in harmony and tranquility. Their children had children and their children’s children had children. There were a lot of children.

One day, unbeknownst to the happy people, miles out in the middle of the ocean, a creature stirred. This creature’s name was Poopy-Doo, and it was roused from the deep sleep of a hundred years by the joyful sounds of the peoples’ happiness.

Poopy-Doo was greatly displeased upon being awakened from its sleep and looked upon the happy people from its watery home with disdain and menace. The creature’s third eye glowed red with anger.

The creature saw the little seaside village and the dancing, smiling, fishing people that inhabited it. Being a spiteful, hateful sea creature, it vowed to end their happiness. Poopy-Doo unfurled its thousand-foot invisible wings and began the flight to the village to destroy it.

The people ran screaming in fear when they saw the powerful creature making its way across the hills surrounding their village.

But it was too late. The sea creature, eyes glowing an evil red, cried out in a voice louder than a hundred trumpets, “People of this village! You will no longer live in happiness! You shall curse the day you were born!”

The people, frantically scattering in all directions, could not escape their fate. Poopy-Doo scooped handfuls of them up and crammed their flailing bodies into its open jaws. Rivers of drool ran down its chin as it devoured the defenseless villagers.

When it had swallowed every last one of the once happy people, the creature lifted its enormous foot high into the air and brought it down in one mighty stomp, completely crushing the pretty village to dust.

The creature laughed a horrible, glee-filled laugh when it saw what it had done.

Exhausted from its day of violent devastation,

Poopy-Doo returned to its ocean lair once more to sleep.

Now, many years later, the dust of the village has been taken by the sea, but the echoes of its peoples’ happiness can still be heard in the surrounding hills. Eventually, a new, more powerful creature laid claim to the land where the village once stood.

And the people, although not exactly happy, did get awesome rollback prices.

And how many beers did this take? You know, F. Scott Fitzgerald did his best work half in the bag.
Seriously–wonderfully whimsical for us not-so -grown-up- adults.
(you did leave a dangling preposition–couldn’t resist)