The LAST thing I want to do is Bliss

{pssst–Hey guess what?? I had a piece featured in the premier issue of a lovely new magazine. If you ever feel like the universe is out there just MESSING with you, this one’s for you!! You can go read it here.}

And now, today’s story.

“I just want to CRY,” I said to my lover.

“Well maybe you need to cry then.”

“No, that’s the thing,” I said. “I TRIED to cry and I couldn’t! I’m not even sad exactly– I just have this pit of existential despair and dread in my stomach. I can’t even cry it out. And the worst part is that nothing is even wrong. Everything is fine. And I still feel crummy. Waaaaaaaaah!!!!”

Darlings, this was not years ago before I became a life coach and solved all of life’s problems. Nah, this was this morning. Today, Friday the 29th of January, 2016.

Because you know why? Because it’s almost February.

This is the time of year when some nonverbal part of me decides that this whole being human business is for the BIRDS. That it is TOTALLY not worth it. Life is a crummy deal, and joy is an illusion, and I need to lie down and sleep for a few months. Also all my hard work is for naught, and my hair looks stupid, and my book will never get published and my business is bound to fail. And my daughter will hate me soon, it’s inevitable, and on top of that they never WILL complete those phantom bonus episodes of Gilmore Girls.

And I want to lay my head on the table and howl.

But I can’t. Because nothing is really wrong.

In fact, if you look at my life with objective eyes, I have EVERYthing to be grateful for. Work I love, clients I adore, a business that’s doing well. A beautiful home, an adorable daughter, AND I’m dearly loved by the coolest person in the world. I even have a hot sex life (and not just with myself for a change!). Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m making a video for https://www.sex-hd.xxx/ or something. It’s something I am taking advantage of. I do have a lot of writing to do, but in theory writing is exactly what I want to be doing with my life. I went to see the Book of Mormon and stayed in a beautiful hotel last weekend, for crying out loud. I am so freaking lucky.

So then I feel guilty for not being grateful.

Hahaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!! Isn’t it grand???

Actually, it’s SO EMBARRASSING. I’m a hot mess! But I’m telling you guys because I know that some of you feel this way too.

When I feel so hotly messy like this– like a mess that is heated, to quote our friends from that singing movie– the LAST thing I want to do is take action on my own behalf. The last thing I want to do is think about is think about what would make it better. The last thing I want to do is infuse bliss into my days. That sounds like way too much work, and annoyingly perky besides.

But THIS IS EXACTLY WHEN I NEED IT MOST. Hence, The Bliss Conspiracy. But more about that in a minute.

First, an important clarification.

***Just to be clear, I’m not clinically depressed. I’ve been clinically depressed, and this isn’t it. If you can’t get out of bed, if you can’t imagine things getting any better, if you feel like your whole life is pointless, or if you are in such a fog that you really don’t even care that those things are happening– then I want you to stop reading this right now and call up a good therapist, immediately. I am so serious. If that sounds too hard, text a friend and ask them to do it on your behalf. If you’re in that pit, nothing that I or any life coach can say in a blog is going to be enough to pull you out. You need bigger guns, sweetheart, and I urge you with ALL of me to go get them.***

I’m not clinically depressed. I’m just having a February. I feel like this every single year, and I believe it is a combination of genetics, Pisces, and poor planning by the Department of Holidays, who put all the good stuff BEFORE winter solstice and left us staring down a long bleak empty tunnel of nothing until spring comes in about 17 months.

What I want to do is crawl under the covers and eat enchiladas under there. Not for long, just a few years or so.

But what I am GOING to dois put myself through a loving but fierce regimen of intense self-care.

Because when I need it most, I am also most incapable of making it happen.

So that’s why I decide AHEAD of time to do it, and I take a few dozen people with me, to make sure that I don’t weasel out. It’s called The Bliss Conspiracy, and it starts in two days.

Together we conspire on our own behalf. We set the whole month up deliberately so that by the end of the month we are stronger, not drained. We won’t just make it through– we will triumph. We won’t just stagger across the finish line into March, we’ll stride across with our inner wells filled right up.

I started doing The Bliss Conspiracy for myself, but I invite you to join me too. Last year, the hardest month ended up being one of the best, because we infused it with bliss and we did it TOGETHER. We filled it with beautiful outfits and joyful outings and long languid hours of guilt-free rest, plus massages and treats and good food and camaraderie. And we came through triumphant.

It’s not magic; it’s not your vibration; it’s the choices you make and the actions you consistently take.

It turns out that February doesn’t actually have the power to make you happy or sad– BUT YOU DO. And so do I. We declare dominion over our worlds with our decisions.

But without an external commitment, it is too easy to talk ourselves out of doing them.

This is why we are proactive. We make decisions for ourselves when we’re feeling good, because we know that once we’re feeling bad, we won’t make good decisions. This is why we hire coaches and sign up for programs, because when we most need to rally on our own behalf is exactly when we will be terrifically in-equipped to do so. The structure is our safety net, our map to get us to the other side.

So for the 29 days of February, I will send out a tiny little daily missive to my co-conspirators that reminds us who we are and what is true. (A funny thing– I wrote them, but I will also READ them every day because I always write what I most need to hear.) I will get plenty of sleep. I will drink lots of water. I will move my body (walk, or dance, or do those embarrassing Pilates crunches) even though this is the very thing I MOST hate to do, and I will promise to do it for only two minutes because that is such a ridiculously tiny number of minutes that I basically embarrass myself into doing it. I will do other things, too, things that I know make me feel better. I will make my bed every morning and put on beautiful clothes and always wear earrings and perfume, even on the days that I want to spray on a little self-pity instead. I will buy more flowers than usual and schedule lunches with friends. I will do these things because I know that they help.

I want that for you too. You have the power to shift your experience in a powerful way. I’ve made this conspiracy financially approachable, because I want everyone who needs it to be able to do it.

You need to sign up BY TOMORROW so you can start with us on time– so click here right now to grab your spot.

much love,

Anna

WEEKLY MISSIVES

A weekly story from Katherine to make you strong, fierce, tender. They’ll make you laugh, maybe cry, and get you moving. In your inbox every Saturday morning.

Success! In a few minutes, you'll find a confirmation email in your inbox.
Make sure you click the button to complete your signup!