Do you have questions about life changes? Emotional concerns? Relationship issues? Spiritual matters? Send your questions to The Psychic Counselor, Lynda Hilburn, and check back here for your answers. Or you can read through the previous posts (check the Archives) to find answers you didn't even have questions for! LyndaSoul@aol.com. [*LyndaSoul isn't my name -- it's the combo of my first name with the first word in the name of my hypnotherapy training school.]

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Should I hold onto this friendship?

Dear Lynda: I am writing about a friendship of many years. In that time I kept reaching out for "best friend" status from her and felt very happy when she started calling me her "sister." It has been so one-sided though; I am the one who calls, who suggests things to do, etc. She is not yet retired and I am, so when she refuses because she is "so busy" I understand but also feel put off.

I have periodically wanted to talk to her about this but dreaded having the friendship end. Last fall while I was away from the States for a month, I realized I could get along without her advice, without all the calling. For years she has listened to me and my problems with an addicted child; she has been supportive. On the other hand, she has been very private about herself and I suspect her marriage isn't all the rosey picture she paints of it.

So now I feel guilty and confused because I sense she is somehow affecting me negatively. In encounters with her I've felt "less than" or irritated; something seems "off." She is this saintly person who is always helping someone! What's wrong with me?

An example - when I spoke with her about a devastating rejection of my writing by an editor I know she brought up what she thought was a similar situation and didn't seem to connect with how I was feeling at all. She also has told me about guys hitting on her even though she knows I am divorced and alone. The last time she spoke of this I told her "I don't have that problem." It made me wonder why she shares this kind of information with me. I end up feeling like a wallflower.

I purposely stopped calling "first" and have spoken with her only twice in the past six weeks. Today she called and I didn't pick up. My inner guidance appears to be saying stay away, but I am so afraid of being unfair and maybe even stupid by cutting off this friendship. Help!

Afraid

Dear Afraid: First, stop beating up on yourself. You're human. What you're describing is very common. Sensitive people make ourselves crazy about these kinds of things all the time. My first questions are: Have you spoken to her about your feelings? Are you sure she is even remotely aware of your disappointment with her and why? It's wise to be careful about what traits and characteristics we attribute to someone. Perhaps she isn't nearly as aware and "saintly" as you might imagine (imagine being the key word here). I've frequently been surprised when I discovered that someone I felt certain was insightful, intuitive and sensitive turned out to be none of those things. It was all in my head. For whatever reason, I needed that person to fill that role for me. I simply ignored the parts I didn't want to see. But, honestly, the only thing you need to do is let go, allow whatever connection is in alignment with your vibational nature, and just enjoy whatever does -- or doesn't -- happen. Perhaps she isn't able to participate in a relationship at the level you desire. Some people are very private. Can you enjoy her if she isn't as you hoped? Can you see her clearly and let that be enough? If not, simply wish her well and move on.Best, Lynda