‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’ Chapter 8

Another instalment of ‘American Horror Story’ that fails to deliver. This is basically a more drawn out version of ‘Chapter 5’ except the characters didn’t finally escape.

Lee, Monet and Audrey are still captured by the Polks. Lee’s ear gets cut off. Monet escapes by sheer luck when the Polk boys take her outside to hunt her.

Whilst saying her goodbye’s on camera to Flora, Lee admits that she did kill Mason. Then through some seduction, Lee kills one of the Polk boys and escapes with Audrey, but not before they kill Mama Polk. Cue Head Smashing #1.

Shelby and Dominic try to escape through the basement tunnel but are stopped by the Chens, everyone’s favourite dead Japanese contortionist family.

With the house completely invaded they decide to retreat upstairs. But not before the Murder Nurses drop a chandelier on Shelby’s ankle. Poor ankle.

Once upstairs, Shelby slits her own throat because of the futility of the situation, but also because she killed the only man she ever loved. Lee and Audrey make it back to the house, and come across the bodies of Matt and Shelby. Thinking he killed them, they lock Dominic outside the upstairs area. Where he then promptly gets killed by Pig Man. Cue Head Smashing #2.

Audrey and Lee make it to the morning, and knowing that her confession is still on tape, she convinces Audrey they have to go back to the Polks.

When they open the front door to leave they are accosted by the Pig Man….or rather an actor dressed up like him. It appears to be whoever played The Butcher’s son in the docudrama (Wes Bentley).

❉ I’d place a good bet on the theory that Sidney hired the actor to dress like Pig Man and scare all the others. Apparently he didn’t get the memo that they’re having a killer time. Get it!? Killer. Time. Anyway.

❉ What a waste of acting talent. Across the board. Finn Wittrock, Cheyenne Jackson, Lady Gaga, et all have had squandered roles. Hard to believe this is the same show that delivered the ensemble goodness of Seasons 2-5.

❉ Profanity is being bleeped out. WHO is doing that?

❉ New actor is sure to be dead. At this point, I’m betting on Lee surviving. She’s also a murderer, so…

❉ The next week trailer looks to add 3 hikers to the body count. Pointless. Whatever.

❉ I liked the callback to the docudrama WTF moment of the teeth rain. The only chuckle I had during this…

Gruesome, tiresome, pointless, and lifeless. Just like this review. It’s hard to review something so bottom rung and not just get bogged down.

I checked my phone during my watching of this. That’s not a good sign.

Do yourself a favour….Don’t watch this.

There might be another be twist coming up in episode 10, but unless it’s the producers mailing the audience a million in cash and a free blow job. I doubt it’s going to make up for this colossal time waster.

❉‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’ airs in the US on Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, and in the UK on Fridays at 10pm on Fox UK.