Boring the web surfing public, one click at a time.

An end to the confusion

Now I understand McCain and Palin

If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you’re “exotic, different.”

If you grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you’re a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack, you’re a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

If you name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you’re a maverick.

If you graduate from Harvard law School, you are unstable.

If you attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you’re well-grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters*, spend 12 years as a constitutional law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services Committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13-million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veterans’ Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership experience.

If your total resume is: local weather reporter, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you’re qualified to become the country’s second highest-ranking executive.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you’re not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including protecting oneself against predators and the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system, while your unwed teen daughter becomes pregnant, you’re a responsible person.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner-city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family’s values don’t represent those of America.

If your husband is nicknamed “First Dude,” with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn’t register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

* This number is wayyyyyyyy off, by the way. A quick Google search shows 300,000 new registered voters this year in Florida alone.