Hair Today

July 10, 2008

We interrupt all this fancy Hollywood talk to bring you a good old-fashioned hysterical mommyblogger moment of complete and total overreaction:

OH MY FREAKING GOD LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BABY.

Compare that with a photo taken last week -- right after I attempted to take him for a haircut but chickened out because there was kind of a long wait down at the local kiddiesalon, OH WELL! NO HAIRCUT TODAY, let's get us some tacos instead.

I know little boys with long hair are not everybody's cup of styling gel, but oh. I love Noah's curls. I love his shaggy little moptop and while I try to keep his bangs trimmed up and the back from getting too mullet-y at home, there does come a point where I have to admit that he needs a real and actual haircut. Usually around the time that other kids start mistaking him for a girl at the playground, or when I find myself playing with his hair and subconsciously pulling it into pigtails.

Fine, I said. I'll take him for a haircut.

I've actually been That Person and taken him to see MY stylist -- piggybacking on my own appointment, all innocent and oh! Look! Here's my husband and my adorable child! I bet they brought cash! Hey, while you've got your scissors out and everything, would you mind giving my son back the gift of unobscured sight? Thnx.

But then my stylist moved to Utah and I have lived in fairly blissful denial since that ANYONE in this house needs a haircut, myself included. And oh yeah, there's that whole sensory THING, meaning Noah freaks the fuck out over haircuts and I feel guilty taking him to any salon that doesn't 1) regularly deal with freaking-the-fuck-out toddlers, or 2) have the mighty mighty power of Thomas the Tank Engine videos on little televisions. Also, hair-covered lollipops.

Fine, I said. I'll take him to the kiddie kut-n-kry.

The first sign that this was a Mistake came right as Noah's name was called and my phone rang and oh, dear, jesus, lord, it was my NEW salon calling to cancel my own desperately-needed pre-Blogher hair appointment this weekend. I hoisted Noah onto the booster seat while begging and pleading for Sunday? Monday? TUESDAY? You can't DO THIS TO ME, MAAAAAN.

Noah concurred, maaaan, and took a flying boneless slither-leap off the chair and started running for the door.

"Shit!" I said.

"Coughahemshhh!" the mother of the four-year-old at the next station said.

Noah ended up on my lap for his haircut, completely disinterested in Elmo on the TV, while I tried to hold still in a full-body lock and hissed to the stylist that it would be great if she could switch the television over to T-H-O-M-A-S or maybe D-O-R-A.

"Thomas?" she barked. "I don't think we have any Thomas. Is that the one with the train?"

"THOMMMMMMASSS!" Noah wailed. "I WAANNA THOMASSSS!"

"M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R." I hissed.

I asked her for a trim. "We like it pretty long and curly. He just needs a little cleaning up is all, around the ears and neck, mostly."

I don't know whether this woman was in the midst of a personal tragedy that was, in fact, interfering with her ability to do good hair, or was maybe just a robot whose styling programming was limited to:

If [GIRL] Then [consider listening to words coming out of mother's mouth]Else [BOY] Then [chop hair to hell]End If

But she started cutting and like, 14 seconds later Noah's curls were covering every inch of my stupid black leggings (I am pregnant and I have developed a passionate dislike of pants, okay? lay off). I sat there blinking in shock over this...child...who did not look like my child anymore and I realized we needed to get the hell out of there before I had a complete hormonal meltdown over a couple stupid inches of hair that would grow back, I know it will grow back, but...but...oh my God. I need a burrito right this instant.

After lunch, Noah accidentally let go of the balloon he'd gotten post-haircut and was weeping again. When we got to our car he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. His hands went up to his head and his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.

"Oh Shelby," I sighed. "Your hair. Is so short."

"I a big boy," he informed me.

I suddenly had a vision of a day when Noah comes home with a military buzzcut he'll have gotten out of rebellion from his hippie hipster parents who are always on his case to leave his hair long, and concurred that yes, he was, while silently swearing that scissors are not going near that child for the next six months, and I don't care that I am being ridiculous or if it gets long enough for a French braid, I am so not ready for the big boy hair.

OK, long time lurker, first time commenter. BUT! I perked up when you said your stylist went to Utah. I am normally the happiest in a very monogamous relationship with my stylist, but have been desperately seeking stylist since I moved here three years ago. FYI, I am originally from the DC area. If you are willing to share...I would love to try him/her out. THX.

Oh, dear God. That's shorter, right enough! He has such an adorable little face that I don't think the scissor-wielding robot could seriously detract from him, no matter how much she lopped off. But the 'before' pic is the clear winner of the baby-cute!

D'oh! I'm sorry, BD. I spaced out and mistyped -- he's in Lake Tahoe now, not Utah. I got Utah from...oh, God, it's a long boring story involving Jason mixing up Lake Tahoe and Salt Lake City once and it's become a running joke between us...except that clearly we need to stop it because now I'M mixing the two up.

He's still a super cutie-pie, though. Take heart! Little boy hair grows incredibly fast! And at least you don't have to deal with a mother-in-law who attempts to cut his hair HERSELF, every TWO WEEKS, and all the CRYING... uh, sorry, personal issues there.

It's okay to cry, you know. I always do.
I love my son's hair kinda longish and curly. I think it makes him look like some sort of 1950's doofussy kid when it is fresh-cut short.
By day 4 or 5 I get used to it, but I love those three or four weeks when he "really needs a haircut".

the same thing happened to us last summer after 2 women in one morning told my husband how beautiful his "girls" were. that broke the camel's back and HE rushed off to supercuts without maternal say so and butchered the one who wasn't technically a girl. once i was done being pissed (ok, i'm still a little pissed) i had to admit it looks better, but the curls! where are the curls!?

Oh, wow, yeah. Not exactly what you asked for. BUT! Noah still looks absolutely adorable, and I'll echo a commenter before me that the short hair makes him look like tiny Jason clone. It will grow back, don't worry.

*sob* Gah, I feel your pain! My son is a few months younger than Noah and has curls as well, soft golden brown surfer curls that I adore. He needs a haircut because he can't see anymore, and I'm freaking right the fuck on out about who to take him to. Yes, they'll grow back, but that doesn't do much for THE PAIN you're feeling NOW. *sob*

Delurking to let you know I've been seeing my stylist over on Capitol Hill for several years and love her, and I know she does kids as well. And, she usually keeps a few spots for last minute appointments. Shoot me an email if your interested.

And I would have let the sylist have it if she wacked my babies curls.

I love the side by side comparison at the end of the post. In the first picture, he's all "Yo, moms, pass the salsa" and in the second, he's all "Mother, if it wouldn't burden you terribly, would you please pass the salsa." The cut made him look YEARS older.

Not helping? Ok, well he looks adorable both ways (I do love those curls, though)

Loved the references!
I'm having the same haircut issues with my daughter, her back is finally starting to grow, but her front is so thick and in her eyes and I don't want to cut it since I'm trying to let it grow out a bit more so I can pull it all up, but she takes out every band I put in her hair and now she's probably going to have a permanent crick in her neck from having to angle her head up to see anything and my husband is starting to bring it up and I just AAAAAHHHHH!...
Thanks for doing it first and showing it on the Internet. I feel a little more calm now. :-)

He looks adorable....and the curls WILL grow back, I promise. I went through the same thing with my son, until he was about 7 and insisted that he just wanted a buzz cut. Now that he is almost 12, I am constantly begging him to get a freakin haircut instead of walking around looking like a bum. It never ends.

The thing about boy haircuts is that it DOES change the way they look. It makes them look older and less like a baby and that is very bittersweet.

My son is lucky enough that his father used to do hair (don't get all excited for me, you know how they say a plumbers faucets are always leaking? Yeah, something like that), so he's only ever had haircuts from his dad. His first one was on his first birthday. The good thing about SHORT SHORT SHORT is that it needs to be cut much less frequently.

He is beautiful! My son had a head FULL of curls. I about died when they were laying on the floor. It must have showed too because everytime I take my son now the haircut goes very slowly and the curls stay!

*weep* Look what they did to your Bayybeeee!!!
*sigh*
Um, I'm not pregnant but for some reason I had the SAME reaction as you.
Good thing he's adorable and cute and slays anyone in sight with those dimples and brown eyes no matter HOW short his hair is. :)
(but...but...the CUUURRRRLLLLSSSSSSS *sob*)

I have to chime in here. As a child, I was too often mistaken for a girl. (Also because of long, wavy/curly hair.) It probably didn't happen often, but often enough that I remember it and as a result had a definite chip on my shoulder about it. (I've grown out of it. I think.) (But I still don't like my hair getting long and curly.) I'm not saying you have to cut it more often, but don't think he doesn't notice people mistaking him for a girl - and he might not be okay with that.

And I have that same little flip-up curl as Noah has on his right. Either have to get all of it way too short to get that gone, or I can never get it to behave. Give him a week or so and it will look better.

My hair does the same flip thing whenever I have bangs--there's an Advice Smackdown column for you.

My son has sensory issues too, but each haircut has gotten a little better. For the last one, we went to a kiddie place near my sister's; she really didn't get us when we asked her not to use the electric clippers--and ended up scratching him behind the ear. We don't know where we're going next since we moved away from the place he was used to.

Hate to say: big boy hair comes whether we want it to or not. Oh, and NEVER let him go to a school of any kind because I let mine go to preschool and now he's EIGHT. I don't know, it creates a sort of time warp. Just DON'T DO IT, MAN!

Until maybe 6 months ago, my 4 year old refused to get his hair cut too - and by refused I mean slipped into an exorcist-like wrath. We tried the salon once when he was 1 1/2, didn't return until he was 4. I bought a pair of clippers and cut it as short as possible so as to lengthen the amount of time between absolute meltdowns. I finally had to bribe him with a special trip with grandpa (not big enough to go with grandpa if you're not big enough to get your hair cut @ Kids-hair). Nothing has made me feel like a bigger asshole than the hair cut fiascos.

Same thing here, too. Every time I say to leave it a little longer in the front 'cause Mommy likes the curls, but every time they cut it too freaking short. I think it's a cult. I think these kiddie-hair-choppers all come from the same cult where they are brainwashed to take whatever the mom says and flush it down their hairwashing sinks with the dirty water, then make sure they get every curl and walk all over the curls as they circle our boys, trimming and combing it all straight. Cult, I tell you! Cult.

After letting my daughters curls grow for three years I finally broke down and went to one of those kiddie places. She loved it and was really great during the process. Only problem - they gave her the worst mullet know to mankind. It was horrible. I should have ran as soon as the person said something to the effect of not knowing what to do with "those curls" as if she was the first child on earth to have curly hair.

Anyway, I had to go home and de-mullet myself and now it's super short. So very sad.

Yes, major haircuts can be shocking in how much they change the childs appearance. And the curls were darling! BUT, truth be told, I prefer the shorter cut. Looks cooler for summer and makes him look like the big brother he's about to be. :) With two boys in the house, pretty soon you'll be doing what my bro-in-law with two boys does: line 'em up and trim 'em up at home with the clippers. Even had my mother make a cape like they have in salons/barber shops for the home haircuts. He actually does a pretty good job.... My son - now a decrepit 7 yrs old, was recently butchered by a stupid Supercuts (the reference to the Dumb & Dumber Lloyd haircut? ON THE MONEY) and while I don't love it, it's super easy maintenance (no more bed-head or hard-to-comb chlorine hair after swimming!) and it grows pretty fast. By the time school starts he'll be back to acceptable length again. Thankfully, haircuts are temporary. Get freaked about the tattoo of the scanky girl's name he might get on his bicep someday...

I love the movie anyway, but I also live close to where it was filmed and where it's supposed to be about and they mentioned our city twice and our weatherman is in the Christmas party scene (catch breath). I even remember when it was a big deal to try to be an extra during filming, so it holds a special place in my heart.

I totally understand the big boy hair freakout--my mom took my son to an old-school BARBER because she didn't like his longish hair and I went ballistic.

But now he's 15 and I can't see his face for all the hair, so a barber sounds pretty damn good.

You might think you're just joking with the short hair as rebellion, but you're so not. My best friend regularly pisses off her dad by getting her hair cut short- his is halfway down his back; hers is usually above the collar.

I feel your pain on the Kiddie Salon thing. I made the mistake of taking my beautiful, curly headed son to one of those places JUST ONCE. They did not listen to me when I described what style I wanted for him. And now: never again. I take him to the place that cuts me, and my long-haired husband. I adore my shaggy-headed beauties.

I told my son's pre-school teacher that I was planning to give him a summer haircut and she said "oh great, something like this" and pointed to a conventionally-cut boy nearby. I actually gasped in horror and said, "no no, by short, I meant slightly less long". And then felt kind of bad, because the kid was still RIGHT THERE.

this never ends. the haircut trauma/drama. This causes major drama for divorce, to cut/or not to cut. My son is 9. husbeast wants it short... I loved it long. I brought him home with a mohawk :) oh and at around 5 1/2 we finally outgrew Thomas and mother fucker Topham Hatt.

I hope it helps to hear that my oldest son was also a freaker outer when it came to haircuts and the lady we went to at the kid place must have been trained to cut hair while jumping through fire hoops and battling American gladiators. She rawkd. Then there was that one time? When he was 3? And she wasn't in that day? And he left almost bald. I cried. I did. It was Christmas there were pictures to be made. You understand. Now he's a long hair.

He's still adorable regardless of how long or short his hair is.:) I can relate though, back at the beginning of February, my sister begrudgingly took my nephew in for a 'little' trim and he ended up with near military hair!

Even though the 'stylist' tried to put gel in it and make it look 'cool'... the whole family was a bit upset as we also cherish his boyish blonde curls. :)

Mostly? Because it made him look so grown up, like Noah does - none of us are ready for that.

My sister was so upset that my BIL has agreed that my nephew won't go back for another 'trim' until he turns 5 in late September. :)

Okay, I was ready to empathize, really I was, because I so totally get why you are traumatized here. But then I saw the Baja Fresh logo, and it stopped me in my tracks. Because, you have to understand: A)Mexican food is my soul food, and B) I have moved from California, mecca of all Mexican food in the U.S., to the South, where they think they have Mexican food but they don't, and I have not SEEN a Baja Fresh in WAY too long. So forgive me if I am unable to respond as I should. Because I am GREEN with envy at the fact that you ate at a Baja Fresh this week and I CAN'T!!! I'm so sorry. As a new reader I should be able to do better. ;)

OK, first he still is a pretty cute kid. BUT oh my frick. I would have been so pissed. When I look at pictures of Noah and thought what a cool little head of hair he has. If I ever had a boy I would hope his hair could be just like that. Well, as I always say about my own, it's only hair. I am sure it will grow right back out again probably before you find someone else to cut it. And yes, he is right, he does look like a big boy now.

Arun only stopped crying during the haircut the one before last. And the last haircut, he actually sat all by his lonesome, then later proudly told my husband "I did not cry." Will always relish the memories of all those hair-covered lollipops. BLEH.

I frequently quote Steel Magnolias, too. Just the other day, I told one of my friends via comments "I love you more than my luggage." and NO ONE GOT IT. Woe was me. The one quote that my sister and I have ran into the ground is the "Stop talkin' about me like I'm not here!!!!"

He looks adorable with the both "long" hair and the short cut!!! Now, if you wanna see long hair, have you taken a look at that Ryder Robinson kid of Kate Hudson's? Now THAT is some feminine, long-ass hair on that four-year old!

We tried to keep our son's hair long for a long time, but we cut it this summer bc he was getting really sweaty and gross. I cut it myself though. Those professional kid's haircutters are more butchers than stylists IMHO.

Um, yeah. Let the curls go, and cave to the big boy cut. I know that you should, as I have a 20 year old w/a buzz cut around here to prove it. Sigh. I miss that head of curls. Even if everyone thought he was a girl. With a mullet.

I know exactly how you feel. My little girl cut her own hair - right at the front back to the scalp - and I could have cried. Hubby made it about a million times worse by saying "it's only hair, it'll grown back". "BUT LOOK AT HER!" All I could think about were the school photos and how we would be marred for years to come when we looked back at her first year at school and she looked like a slaphead.

Oh, but he looks SO cute! Even without the curls! And at least he wasn't too upset about it. When I was in elementary school, I got my hair cut short (we were trying to get rid of a very long-lasting perm...that turned out to be natural curl...yeah...AWESOME!); anyway, my baby sister, who was four or five at the time and at the stage where she wanted to do EVERYTHING just like big sis, requested hair just like mine. So, the hair dresser cut my sister's gorgeous curls from mid-back to shoulder length. And then my sister cried. And cried. Sobbing…"put it back on, PUUUUUTTTT IITTT BAAACCCKKK OOOONNNNNNNN." Yeah...needless to say, it was YEARS before the hair dresser wanted to cut my sister's hair again!

I know you've gotten a few new salon references now, but I figured I'd add mine. In November I started going to Mary at the Tysons PR & Partners. She does the hair for the Washingtonian makeovers and lo, she is my hair goddess. This is the first time in my five years in DC that I found a stylist I liked enough to stick with, and I swear if anything happens to our hair relationship I'll be bereft. (And you would think what with the Washingtonian connection and massive popularity she'd be super pricey, but for a cut and highlight/lowlight she actually costs just a smidge more than what I used to pay in PA.)

Ahahahhaaha!! "Oh Shelby." Of course I read that in my worst Georgia accent...something I will never understand about that movie is, hello, Julia Roberts, you're from GEORGIA. Surely you shouldn't have to try so hard!