Whenever I need to wipe my nose, I use my sleeve or, if I’m topless or wearing just a vest, the sleeve of the person nearest to me.

So I don’t think I’m the targeted consumer for Kleenex’s new Cool Touch Tissues, which have coconut oil, aloe extract, and stuff found in anti-aging creams to soothe sore, dry noses.

Also, I don’t think I’m willing to pay a roughly 65 percent premium over regular Kleenex tissues for the Kleenex Cool Touch Tissues. Although, I have to admit, even if I did use Kleenex, I’d probably just steal wads of it whenever I’m at a friend’s house or in the lavatory of an airplane.

It’s just like when I steal wads of napkins from the self-serve napkin dispensers at Costco and certain fast food restaurants. I haven’t bought paper napkins in years.

According to Kleenex, when a Cool Touch tissue comes in contact with a person’s skin, body heat activates the formula of cooling moisturizers and aloe to release a cool sensation.

Kleenex Cool Touch tissues are available now and have a suggested retail price of $2.19 for a box of 50.