Answers for January 2004

This month’s WINNER has been trying for ages – sometimes very trying – and he comes all the way from Crestview Hills, Kentucky, USA. As one would, given the chance – yes it’s our old friend

Mr Andrew O. Lutes

Sorry for late answers, I have been on holiday. NOTE: Following several suggestions I will be attempting to reduce the volume of answers down a bit and remove repeats etc. I have not forgotten that I promised to make a Hall of Fame with the very best answers from the whole history of the quiz. Yes I know I promised that in September 2001 and I still do not have the time….

Answer

Other Answers

10% are in New South Wales. Since Australia has 8(?) states I guess that’s 80%. [Lucky it’s not more than 12.5% in NSW then]

110%, being 100% plus GST. Seems like it, anyway.

20% – 21%, with half of that in NSW

20.4% according to http://goforitglobal.com/workshops.htm (See Workshop 13). The other interesting stat is that the maximum average loss per machine per hour is $720, which is about average weekly earnings. And the saddest thing is I don’t know who makes poker machines or which shares to buy.

21% and my shares in Tabcorp are producing a 6% dividend yield on the back of this 🙂

21% of voluntary tax collection machines for the mathematically challenged.

21% which makes John Howard feel a little less relaxed and comfortable … until he sees just how much the tax department gets out of it, then he is happy because a large percentage is going to his bloated superannuation.

21. Blackjack!

5? 69? 112? I’m not sure but it’s far too many.

According to ABC TV 7:30 report 21% and who are we to doubt aunty??? given Oz makes up about 3% of world population thats pretty good…we lead the world in poker machines well done Oz ozzie ozzie ozzie oi oi oi

Don’t know. How many Aussie males are there?

Dunno. It’s probably going down as other countries raise their “stupidity tax.”

http://www.gamblingmagazine.com/articles/10/10-30.htm A report published almost two years ago said that one in five of the world’s poker machines are in Australia, mainly in the pubs and clubs. (“Pokies” also means slots in general.) 10 per cent of the world’s electronic gaming machines in NSW alone. There are 19 million Australians and they are the world’s biggest per capita gamblers, with gambling losses an average of $887 for each adult.

I bet it’s around 12%

I was going to guess that the answer was something like 2.1% but to my utter surprise I had the decimal point in the wrong place. It’s about 21%.

I’ll take a stab in the dark and say 30%, but of that percentage about 95% would have to be at the RSL’s since when you reach the age of 60 is it becomes mandatory to enjoy pokies, bowls and cardigans.

In 2000 the figure was around 21%. If anything it’s probably higher by now. I look to your quiz to cheer me up, Dr Bob, but this is just deeply, deeply sad – Maribyrnong (where my workplace is) is the lowest income per head municipality in Melbourne, and concurrently has the highest per capita number of gaming machines outside of inner Melbourne. They’re EVERYWHERE – you can’t arrange a send-off lunch at a local venue without having the constant noise of the damn things; add in the people who sit in front of them exuding a miasma of misery, desperation and stale smoke, and it’s just too depressing to describe. The whole industry should just streamline the process by replacing gaming machines with small booths handing out pre-addressed envelopes, so people can just post money directly to the state government, Tabcorp and Tattersall’s – the overall result would be the same, and at least we might get one or two of the local pubs back.

Maybe 15? I didn’t know Australian’s gambled with machines? it’s hard to get your ewes in the slots then.

Never mind poker machines. When my sister and I were young, we used to play a game called Tickling Machines (I’d tell you the rules but it’d take too long). Poker is indeed a social menace, whether it occurs in hotels or between my ribs, but tickling is by far the greater menace.

none… we call them pokies!

Poker *machine*? Can a machine bluff you that it’s holding four aces after six straight hours of play and two-fifths of bourbon? (Yeah, well, OK, probably it can…)

Robert Fitzgerald says it is 21 percent which is, according to him “an extraordinary figure”

The answer is: zero per cent. According to the Australian Blacksmith Association, all pokers manufactured nationwide are purely handcrafted and no machines are used. (But if you meant instead those pokies used as money traps, the answer would be 21%: statistically, every Australian loses 3.5% of her or his income to gambling.)

The entire male population of Australia are “poker machines.”

The percentage out of what? 100…200…? [Well percentages are usually out of 100]

The Rooty Hill RSL has approximately 92% of the poker machines ever manufactured.

There’s only one world (class) poke her machine in Australia and that’s my old mate Bert Figgins from South Adelaide. He could go for days, so they said, and was once reputed to have shagged the entire second-floor of the Womens YMCA in Pilkington Road. [Which must have stopped the traffic. I heard he also shagged some of the girls too]

Question 2

When the late comedian Bob Monkhouse as a boy broke his shinbone – what did his mother say?

Answer

“Quiet, Robert – what would the neighbours think?”

Other Answers

“I didn’t mean it literally when I said go out there and break a leg.”

“Pull the other one”

‘What would the neighbours think?’ Probably that she was a bad mother…

“Great, another pair of socks I’ve got to mend”

“How humerus was THAT, Bobby boyo!” (Yep, I know it’s the wrong bone and all, but Mrs Monkhouse wasn’t the sharpest knife in the cutlery drawer and, anyway, Mom’s riposte tickled Bob’s funnybone and he thought that was humorous and – oh shit, where am I going with this long-winded and unfunny answer?)

“I *told* you *not* to climb that tree, so if you’ve broken your leg falling out of it, don’t come running to me” – and a comedian was inspired.

“If everybody else was breaking their shinbones, I suppose *you* would too, right?

“I’ll wear black and wrap it in plastic to keep it fresh” … almost. Maybe I’ve got some of the letters right at least.

“Leggo”

“Quiet Robert ……” the remainder was inaudible because of his agonised screaming. No, my search engine broke something so I invent the rest: “good job that it was not your elbow (humerus for the unitiated) or you will never become a comedian” Sorry Uncle Bob that is so obvious

“Shit happens”

“That’ll teach you to try your jokes on me!”

“That’s a shame.”

“The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.” – Bob Monkhouse

“Wait until your father gets home”, that one was always popular with my mum (although it never really worked very well because my dad was often away at sea for several months at a time).

“You’re late!”

At least you weren’t running with the good scissors

Boy!… You really are a dickhead! What the hell were you thinking of! I swear one day you’ll be the death of me! I oughta kick your arse for being so stupid! (Well my mum would have said this).

Careful, you’ll put you’re eye out with that.

Does it hurt?

He was his mother’s favourite – but she was an emotionally frigid woman who never hugged him, and told him off for screaming when he broke his leg because ‘What would the neighbours think?’

I think you’ll find she shrieked ‘What would the neighbours think?’ – He should have left her on the roof.

If you are not careful, you’ll end up being a comedian.

If you break the other one don’t come running to me for sympathy

Master Bob, it’s funnier if you pull your large intestine out of your ear rather than break your shin-bone.

Robert! Self mutilation is no laughing matter.

Stupid sod

That’ll leave a mark

That’ll teach you

there there

This episode has been handed down erroneously by Monkouse’s biographer. His mother really replied to Bob when she saw him shaking the milk bottle from next door’s doorstep: “Stop creaming, what would the neighbours drink!”

Want me to kiss it better?

Well done, its hard to break your own shinbone

What all parents say once their offspring finally learn to speak: Quiet!!!!

What was he late for? Can’t come up with something clever about a catch phrase – couldn’t he have broken his arm instead? Then he would only be able to catch a phrase.

‘What would the neighbours think’ (perhaps they were thinking his mum should break his other leg)

Other Answers

Actor Billy Connolly supposedly remarked after eating at Keller’s restaurant in Alice Springs, that when he woke up the next morning he was not knowing whether to yodel or fart.

Alice Springs – And probably best not to think about what a Fondue Vindaloo would feel like when it reemerged the morning after…

Alice Springs and, according to Cat and Wombat (http://home.earthlink.net/~jondru/kellersreview.html), it’s not worth a visit. [I’d go along with that, having been there myself. It’s OK but I’ve had better. Mind you the next nearest curry houses are in Darwin or Pt Augusta, so it’s quite a drive]

Alice Springs. Try the tandoori clock cuckoo – they’re fiddly to bone and it takes about a dozen to make a decent entree, but they’re very tasty. Give the Emmenthaler lassi a miss, though.

Bob, substitute Swiss-Indian for “good” and make this a really hard question

Could this also be where Dr Bob went for his holidays? Alice Springs has Kellers. Cheese Fondue with Aloo Gobi, Schnitzel Vindaloo… Actually the only Swiss-Indian combination I could think of that might work was Apple Strudel served with Kulfi. (And I don’t think that Strudel is actually Swiss.)

Darwin and Alice Springs – Kellers Restaurant. There is obviously a very good reason why the franchise has not spread to the southern states.

Dunno, makes as much sense as an Ethiopian restaurant which I have been to… and no, it wasn’t just rice and muddy water.

Gad! I know this one, first time ever, I don’t need to make stuff up. I’ve been to this restaurant, it’s next door to the Mercure Diplomat Hotel, Gregory Terrace in Alice Springs. It has a small courtyard at the front behind a high steel bar fence, to keep the unwanted locals out. I don’t recall any Swiss influence, it was pretty much standard Indian food.

Dunno, but I could tell you there’s a Greek-Indian restaurant in Penrith [OK, but please don’t]

I could tella you, but I’d have to keller you.

I don’t know. I didn’t even realise there were Indians in Switzerland. They must have got there when the land bridge was intact between America and Russia.

I know – it’s that cockroach-infested curry house just down the road. The vindaloo’s so bad that each time I eat there I have to go to the john and yodel it back up again.

Keller’s Restaurant, specializing in Swiss, Indian, and Australian Cuisine. Curried fondue on Vegemite toast? Maybe I should stick with the McDonalds.

I’ve been there. Alice Springs. It is possibly the only Swiss-Indian restaurant in the world. This is not surprising.

Keller’s Restaurant in Alice Springs. My favourites are the vindaloo fondue and curried chocolates, although the tandoori apple strudel is pretty unique. And there’s nothing better than a good yodel after that lot. (Perth has an Indian restaurant with a smorgasbord. Does that make it Indian-Swedish?).

Kellers Swiss Indian Restaurant. I wonder if they have curried cheese with holes in it?

Sadly I know this, Alice Springs. Makes a change from eating emu, kangaroo, buffalo, animals off the coat of arms etc from all the other bloody tourist establishments out there.

Swiss-Indian, hmmmm, dipping schnitzel in a curry sauce and pakoras in chocolate and cheese is somehow unappealling.

Western Australia… Kellers… Personally, if I lived down the road, I’d order Garlic prawns and Spätzli (vegetarian) with Rösti potatos, and bananacoconut for desert.

What do you serve at a Swiss-Indian restaurant? Emmenthaler Masala? But really – Keller’s is in Alice Springs.

There is a deliberate one in Alice Springs! There have been many inadvertent ones!

You must be referring to the famous Keller restaurant named after Helen who prepares the food.

Most Indian restaurants are a swizz.

Parramatta Road, Leichhardt

Kalgoolie

Kings Cross or Darlinghurst’s cross-restaurant district.

Melbourne

Mt. Buller

Newcastle

Not near me.

I’m not sure. In Switzerland I once heard about an aboriginal restaurant. I guess that makes it an Australian-Indian restaurant.

Where’s Australia?

Question 4

In 1757 for what purpose was Semaphore invented?

Answers

None, because I now see that it was not invented in 1757. The answer *I* originally had, which nobody else got, was to signal racing results ahead of the bookies and thus make a killing with the bets. Clearly some other system, possibly quite different, was invented in 1757, or at some other time, for this or possibly some other purpose. I could have phrased the question more accurately as “In 1757 for what purpose did Dr Bob think that Semaphore was invented”. But then, I wasn’t around in 1757. Look, I’ve only been back 3 days and I need another holiday already.

French military purposes. [No, you’d only need one flag for that – a white one ]

To enable the French to communicate without having to put up with each other’s garlicky breath.

Signalling. You want more detail, you ask for it.

A couple of French Chappies developed semaphore to transmit messages across country. A series of towers, each one visible by the next sent a message based on the positions of rods (not flags)to determine the symbols. The first symbol of a message passed 120 miles in 9 mins, and consisted of dispatches about the French – Austrian war of that time.

ALERT ALERT TRICK QUESTION… clever little Chappe born 1767 sold his working semaphore to french govt in 1792 – they used it to send messages of ‘run away run away’ to french army when they saw Lt H Hornblower on his way hip hip hurrah! hip hip hurrah! hip hip hurrah!

almost certainly for military purposes, though there are various claims to its invention eg SIR CHARLES WILLIAM PASLEY,(1780-1861), the Chappe brothers who first commercialised it, Sir Henry Riggs Popham 1762-1820 etc etc. It may have been first used in the seige of Lucknow 1757

Arm-stretching exercises for amputees made more interesting because of the batons with colourful flags made from redundant underwear

At last a question I can’t use the “cup & paste” answer technique for. [I use that technique a lot. You drink from the cup and after a few you get pasted]

Because semathree didn’t work

Bit hard to light a signal fire on a boat.

Communication between deaf flag manufacturers.

Drying the washing, without having to admit to having done any sissy chores.

Flags for Fags.

I don’t know what it was being reinvented for in 1757 but Lord Worcester pioneered it in 1666. With the Great Plague that year, he probably used it to lay bets with his bookie. I understand that Lord Worcester also invented the Shire Sauce that bears his name to this day.

I have not the slightest idea, but I now know 1757 was the year long trousers became fashionable…

Is this a Dr Bob Trick Question(TM)? Most sources seem to agree that the Chappe brothers (who weren’t born yet in 1757) invented the system in 1791-2. Presumably, the purpose was to communicate quickly over long distances, which would’ve been a handy trick if for example you had a Revolution or a war happening. Then again, maybe it started out as an idea for a good way to have a friend warn you when your wife was coming home, so you could bundle your mistress out the back door. It may have started with flying a pair of knickers from the chimney, and developed from there (we are talking about the French, after all).

It was invented as a precursor to mobile phone texting

Naval comms in battle but apart from that inconvenience, so Fleet could discover who’d stolen his thunderbluss, portable toilet that is.

Naval navigation

Not sure, but the first semaphore message was ***Enlarge your p8nIs! Xtra inches! Really works!***

Ordering take out.

Previously the only flag communication was the pirates flag, the maritime flag, and the white surrender flag. All were used liberally. But more was needed. Especially as people quarantined on a boat needed to signal for more underwear to be ferried to the ship. Rather than hanging undies with a dirty big skidmark on them up the flagpole, they developed a system of spelling with coloured flags.

Probably naval communication. (Ships, not bellies). My best sources tell me the inventor was born after 1757 . . .

Semaphore was apparently invented in 1666, so it was probably “invented” in 1757 to steal the patent.

Semaphore was invented in 1794, not 1757 and was a replacement to smoke signals – although it is only useful at close distances (comparatively). It was the precursor to the car signal light.

semaphore was the (hardware) signal used to (dis)allow trains to access sections of the track or so google says…

SEMAPHORE: (Greek: Sema – a sign; Phero – to bear) a telegraphic apparatus of signalling boards or lights. Well it seems it was invented by Claude and Ignace Chappe to communicate when they were at school. But that was about 1791. Also it is probably wrong as it seems that the schools were actually further apart then the story suggests. But the brothers were playing around with a signaling system at that time. Claude later modified and recoded it for his 1792 real semaphore system. But no doubt Dr Bob knows better than me. [You need more doubt]

Sending messages between distant places.

Signaling between ships.

Signalling people! Why else would sailors stand around waving pieces of material at one another? Oops don’t even think about the alternative answer to that ..hello sailor.

SMS for the 1700’s

So the Froggies in Paris would know quickly when the Royal Navy was sacking yet another French coastal city. Not that the Parisians could do much about it, what with all their cake-eating and snail races and general licentiousness, but at least they knew quickly. Speed is important to the French.

The French and the Native Americans were running into each other as they invaded English settlements in North America. This allowed them to take turns.

The French revolution. It is a little known fact that prior to that date the French spoke quietly, and with their hands clasped before them. The peasantry, wishing a total overhaul of the gentile manners, took to semaphore as the perfect blend of theatre and communication thus resulting in the Gallic physio-linguistic calisthenics we see today.

To cure cancer

To deal with the problem of sleeping Barbers

To get a quick fix on the local market price of spuds and bagetts.

Semaphore was invented to dry the dusters on an inclement washing day – now that reminds me of a friend who was waving her multi coloured dusters from her sea front balcony near Fremantle towards the end of World War 2 – she was investigated as a possible spy (I think she was about 85 years old at the time, but that is probably one of the best covers that you could have)

To provide nice sounding place names for beaches in hitherto undiscovered lands. Just in case.

To send pornography via telephone lines

Well for people who liked waving flags to understand what the other flag wavers were waving about. Flag wavers were common among sailors so there is possibly a genetic link.

The mother and father of all IPC primitives is the Semaphore. Invented by the Dtchy Dijkstra in 1757, a semaphore is an object which contains an integer counter. The counter can be 0 or positive, but never negative. There are two operations on the semaphore, one of which increments the variable, the other of which decrements it. They are called UP and DOWN in the book, but the names SIGNAL and WAIT are rather more descriptive. Dijkstra originally called the operations ‘P’ (instead of DOWN) and ‘V’ (instead of UP). This apparently makes sense if you’re Dutch. And then it goes on in a language that I don’t understand and I don’t think its Dutch. It says things like “Let c be the initial value of the semaphore’s counter, Let w be the number of completed wait operations performed on the semaphore, and Let s be the number of signal operations performed on it. Remember that at any time, the value of the semaphore, v, must be at least 0, so v >= 0. Remember that a wait operation decrements the semaphore’s value; a signal operation increments it. It is clear that v = c – w + s. But v >= 0, so c – w + s >= 0. And therefore c + s >= w, or w <= c + s.” [I prefer the hand-waving explanation]

Question 5

A film clip very often used in the 1960’s TV series _Batman_ shows the Batmobile rushing out of the Batcave. In this scene, why does the emerging Batmobile wobble slightly?

Answer

http://www.tvtome.com/Batman/guide.html The scene of The Batmobile leaving The Batcave to race the remaining 14 miles to Gotham was really filmed at Bronson Cavern in Hollywood Hills … The problem they ran into when filming the scene was that The Batmobile was just about the same width as the cave entrance. To keep from ripping the fenders off George Barris’s creation, they undercranked the cameras so it could come out slowly and then later sped up the film to give the illusion of speed.

Other Answers

Two possibilities suggest themselves: 1) The highly modified car probably steered like a drunken cow anyway at the best of times, and blew a tyre on the way out, or 2) the change in the centre of gravity of the vehicle as Adam West sucked in his gut caused the thing to step out sideways.

A matter of style over substance.

All 60s american cars wobble like that when they try to turn a corner. We had a dodge phoenix – thumping great v8 beast of a blancmange on wheels…sea sick inside 5 miles.

As usual Batman is pissed and Robin’s off his tree.

Bad shocks filmed by undercranking the camera. It was not a fun car to drive!

Batman did a fart out of the window, thus messing with the Batmobiles trajectory, and causing the vehicle to lurch from side to side a little.

Batman had too many gin and tonics before answering the call. Or perhaps Robin was doing unmentionable things and Batman couldn’t concentrate.

Batman has gained weight, and robin is trying to eat fast enough to balance that out, hence a shift in the centre of mass, hence a wobble

Because Bruce Wayne was called out of a very damp party and was moderately sloshed.

Because of a Swiss-Indian curry eaten by the puppeteer the night before.

Because they didn’t invent camera tripods until 1970.

Because they only filmed the scene once and kept showing the same footage in every show. On the day they were shooting the cameraman was a little shaken up and couldn’t keep the camera still because his wife had called and told him their son Bob had broken his shin bone.

Because they’re having sex in the front seat while driving, causing the car to wobble.

Breaking the suspended disbelief barrier

Cars? Homosexuals? Boy stuff. [Well … boys in tights, anyway]

Cheesy sixties props? Rubber car to deflect bullets? The Joker replaced it with a Batmobile made from Jello? Who will ever know?

C’mon, Dr Bob, if you were driving the Batmobile wouldn’t you wobble it a bit too if your young Batbloke companion unexpectedly grabbed you by the Battered-sav just as you pulled out of your Batgarage?

Dodgy gas on the bat-belt.

How solid do you expect papier-mache and string props to be?

I suspect that it was due to the high standards of special effects, perhaps the hand that was pushing it bumped against the cave door

If you were going that quickly, and trying to buckle your seatbelt at the same time, you would probably make the Batmobile wobble slightly too – Bruce maybe Batman, but he’s no Superman! [The Batmobile did not have proper seat belts. This has been a major factor in decisions not to re-run the series]

I’m not sure but if I had the DVD of Batman: The Movie [1966], the superior batman film in my opinion, I could watch a small feature on the “Batmobile Revealed” to find out. I do know that it could only manage about 25mph so the film was speeded up. Maybe it ran over a squirrel or something.

It has an alignment problem? Or its using an “experimental steering system”. I guess I’m to young. [But old enough to do grammar and spelling]

It was a 4″ model made of blackcurrant jelly, they made it small so that when converting from film to video you couldn’t see the wobbles the rest of the time.

It was Christmas day. As in: “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin ran away; the Batmobile lost it’s wheel, all on Christmas Day. Hey!”

It’s American made?

It’s made entirely of Jelly?

It’s running over Alfred.

No idea. Before my time. For all I know it was trembling with pure terror.

They hit the short-lived BatDog on the way out. Now you know why it was short-lived.

This scene was shot in the morning before the cameraman had had a drink to steady his hand. They should have shot it after lunch. And then the cameraman.

Too many Swiss-Indian meals

Was it done in stop action animation for some reason?

Well if the children I’ve been speaking to are right it lost it’s wheel.

When they came out of the Batcave there was a road closed sign (or similar) and when the car ran over it caused it to wobble. My missus came up with this answer. I don’t have a clue. [My missus often comes up with THAT answer]

Having to haul the lycra clad Adam West and boy wonder everyday would cause anyone to wobble.

Comments:

A bit easier this month Dr Bob. Perhaps you need a rest for a couple of weeks or so.

Bit easy this month, most answers could be googled with ease

Bob ma man… where’d you get that pic? Ahh, classic.

Gee that was easy.

Good questions, I guess. I gave up answering and instead focused on being- er trying to be- witty.

I bet my brother has answered the quiz himself and our answers are identical…

I still haven’t finished reading ‘Scott and Amundsen, the race to the pole’ in an effort to answer the December quiz.

Is a Poodle – Shih Tzu cross a tautology? And what do you call a Bulldog – Shih Tzu cross?

Janet Jackson’s breast should be used as a new logo for the new Australian Ghan train.

Lift your game Dr Bob. You need to take a GHL at yourself. Standards are slipping.

Man, how on earth are you supposed to be funny with those questions? [that is your problem, not mine]

I am much enjoying the lack of questions from Iceland.

More iceland and eskimo questions please. Oh… and glad to see the retraction about the one eyed man on the ball on the light pole finally made it to press.

My first attempt.

Nope

Rene Rivkin – denial is not a river in Africa.

Shane Warne is a sex terrorist

So someone finally figured out how to wash their melons in the shower, or whatever the last 2 months picture was about.

Sometimes a conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking.

That’s the first time I’ve seen your picture quiz before you showed it. You’ll have to try harder!

This is my second set of answers. I’m not as Excited about them. I hope I LookSmart. Hope I don’t look like a Yahoo. I Lycos questions about Australia by the way. Alta la Vista until next month. [And I will go ogle a book]

Well Bob. NO Iceland, NO casaba melons, NO Philip Glass, NO naked lady in the shower related questions…what is this quiz becoming. Focus Bob..focus. 🙂

Well done Doctor Bob, you should get yourself a pint.

What do these questions have in common? [They all came from Dr Bob’s febrile and overworked brain in the period of panic that precedes a holiday] and what made you think of them? [The Webmaster pointed out that questions for March were needed]

Why do I bother with this quiz? [Because you wish to amused and entertain us with the dismal standard of your answers]

Why does one never see the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

WIIIILLLMMMAAAAAA!!!!!

Well, Dr. Bob, you’re improving. This month no pictures of naked ladies, just block figures of the reproductive process.