Even though Mike and I have yet to experience unemployment in our marriage, I am still overly conservative and penny-pinching in our daily lives. Call it my nature, but I wish I could sweep our funds into a nice little pile in the middle of the floor before stuffing it all in a pillowcase and hiding it where Mike can’t find it.

I don’t do this without cause. Mike’s spendthrift ways are thoroughly documented somewhere in a book called “There’s Always More Money Where That Came From,” a book I failed to read before signing the marriage certificate, by the way. Similarly, my frugality is the stuff of legends, legends that felt like a myth to Michael before he married me and realized I would circle the block for days for a free parking space.

So it’s easy to picture the clash of ideals when one of us carries a homemade lunch to work every day and the other frequents the local Nordstrom for a refreshing cafe lunch and a shoe shine.

Mike has long argued that a shoe shine is a great decompressant, and he always tells me about his engaging conversations with his favorite shine artist, Kim. To avoid any raised eyebrows, Kim is a man.

I have always lamented Mike’s shoe shines as a needless extravagance, and he has always defended them by pointing out that they cost a mere $2.50. Well, $2.50 plus a $5 tip. And, he points out, it’s helping out his main man Kim, and who can argue with that?

This is the point in the conversation when I roll my eyes.

Well, I used to roll my eyes. All of that changed one Sunday when Mike invited me to get my boots shined after church. I asked if we could really shoot the moon and get that cafe lunch, too. Needless to say, he agreed.

After enjoying a bowl of crab bisque and too many slices of sourdough, we meandered downstairs to the shoe shine room near the entrance of Nordstrom. I started to ask Mike just how often this little shoe shine date with Kim really takes place…is it once a month? Every two weeks?

“What do you want today?” he asks Mike. He hasn’t noticed me standing with him yet, and that’s when I remember that Mike once told me that Kim is nearly blind. All at once I’m realizing the implications of a blind man shining shoes all day, and I’m stunned silent.

We exchange hello’s and he invites us to sit while he finishes with his current customer.

“I been slammed today, man,” he says to Mike. “It’s almost the holidays and people are coming in a mile a minute. This one woman walked off in a huff when I said I was backed up five pairs. People don’t get it. I’m the only one working here today!”

Mike sympathizes with him and assures him we’re in no hurry, so he can take his time with other things. He asks if we’d like to change the TV station or choose from the reading materials. A feeling begins to creep up on me, a feeling of being mortified that someone thirty years my elder is about to wait on me. I feel a sweat-inducing class-consciousness, and I realize I’d rather run naked through the store than have him shine my shoes.

It occurs to me that the feeling harks back longer than I can consciously recall. My parents always raised me never to have others do for me what I could do for myself. This includes things like housework, landscaping, washing the car, laundry, and apparently, shoeshining. Part of it is about not spending money on those things, but the other part of it is the fact that what is my responsibility is my responsibility. I made my shoes scuffy, therefore I should have to buff them myself. Case closed.

“Ma’am are these boots black or brown?” he says, leaning over my feet. It’s the worst reminder of his lack of sight.

“They’re black,” I reply, “and I’ve never had a shoe-shine in my life. I haven’t taken good care of them,” I admit.

“Well, you’ve got to come in here,” he says. “You’ve got to get your shoes done, not just to make them shine but to treat the leather. Especially in Seattle! The water dries out the leather and you have to have them oiled.”

I feel both gently chastised and justified by what he’s said. Yes, I need to take better care of them, and yes, it is my problem. But it also occurs to me that he’s emphasizing that this is just part of owning shoes — you go get them shined. It’s not about pretentiousness, it’s about caring for the things you purchased six feet away in the shoe department. It’s the same as getting an oil change (which my dad has always done himself by the way…poor example, then). My making this a class issue is really my issue — I’m uncomfortable; he’s not. After all, the shoe shine costs $2.50 — it’s designed for every shoe owner to take care of their shoes.

I look over at Mike, who couldn’t be more at ease. He’s telling Kim about church today, since he asked what we’ve been doing this morning.

Kim apparently agrees with our morning choice.

“So you’re paying attention, you’re tuned in,” he says. “People I meet here always think that their days are not numbered, but let me tell you, they are. You’ve got to get to know the Lord before you meet Him, am I right?!”

Kim steps into the back room to gather different supplies, and I turn to Mike and tell him something about how utterly ungrateful I am for having an easy job sitting at a desk all day while Kim is on his feet, working his tail off for far less money. I tell him about a teacher I had in seventh grade who used to tell us about her trip to India and ask us a haunting question: if we were ever in India, would we pay to take a ride in a rickshaw? Would we do what felt degrading to the driver in order to help them make money? Or would we refuse to take a ride, on principle, but then know that we had just kept that person from making enough money for the day? I’ve never forgotten that question, and I still don’t have an answer.

Mike looks at me and says, “Kim is working hard, yes, but there’s honor in that. He’s here every day serving his clients, getting paid, making what we hope is a living wage. Think about it: he’s blind — he has every excuse to be at home, and instead he’s here working his tail off. I’m going to support him as much as I can because I admire him, and I want him to be the best paid shoeshiner in the freaking state.”

I don’t know what to say, but I suppose I agree. I want to support Kim, and I also want to be socially responsible. For today, that means swallowing my issues and letting him shine my shoes.

Kim returns and finishes our shoes. We tell him he did an incredible job, because he truly did. I can’t believe how much better my boots look, and I tell him I’ll return. He asks one favor of us before we go.

“Would you email the management and tell them that you liked your service today? That woman I told you about earlier threatened to email management and complain that I couldn’t wait on her fast enough.”

We are both horrified and vow to send an email that will remove all doubt as to the nature of his service. We pay him and begin to walk away. Normally, I would have a hurricane of a heart attack if Mike tipped someone more than 30%, but in this case I just feel proud of him for the far higher than 30% tip he hands to Kim.

“And,” I add, “I’ll tell everyone I know with a pair of shoes to get over here.”

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14 responses to “Elbow Grease”

After Mike told me about Kim, I went with multiple pairs in hand. My shoes now look like new, and Kim reprimanded me about not taking care of them, just like he did you. But seeing this older, almost blind gentleman working so hard instead of relying on others to pay his way touched my heart and showed me the work ethic this country was built on. And yes, the tip was far greater than the cost of the shoeshine! Thanks for sharing his story – now everyone go to Nordstrom Bell Square and get your shoes shined!!

My husband is a big tipper – and even though we are more frugal about other aspects of our life (or sometimes try to be!), this is one thing that I super admire about him and would never have him change. I love that he “gets” how hard it is to be in any service industry, and that he wants to bless an individual for serving him/us.

Abby, Thanks for the article! Since I’ve moved to Texas, I pay someone to wash my car, clean my house, and teach me Spanish. I had always done those things for myself before….I felt the same way as you – they were my responsibility! But I have found that paying someone else to do these simple services for me, I am helping them to put food on the table, pay for their baby’s diapers, etc. Sometimes it’s just a few dollars that “make it” or “break it” for some families! Thanks again for the article!

oh this is such a good perspective. there is a balance between saving and being “cheap” and it’s not good to be cheap– you may be withholding money due to pride rather than generosity. thank your for this challenge abby– i am definitely the overly cheap one between evan and i! (and trying to work on it!)

I was in Honduras several years ago with a group of fellow students. We were surprised that all of our host families had a house-keeper and a cook. They were not incredibly well-off and it seemed like an odd way to spend their money. But, we soon found out that the mentality there is that if you can afford to have these “luxuries,” you do, because you are providing for someone else by providing them with a job. It is a unique concept and one that we should consider more here in the U.S. I now have experienced this phenomena first hand, as I have served as a cleaning-lady for a family throughout my two years of graduate school. I wouldn’t have made it through without the financial support that this job has provided me.

I completely agree, and I’m seeing more and more evidence of this. Since I wrote this so many people have shared that perspective, and I’m beginning to understand its importance. Thank you for sharing!