The Hillreports that “[i]n the continuing resolution that is currently funding the federal government, Congress has expressly forbade the Postal Service from eliminating Saturday service. But that resolution expires in late March.” The Saturday stoppage is scheduled to commence in August, so there goes that argument. The Postal Service, Boehner admitted in a cleverly evasive statement, is indeed “charged with running the post office. But yet the Congress in its wisdom has tied their hands every which way in order for them to actually run the post office in a revenue neutral way. And so Congress needs to act. There’s no question about that. And I hope that we’ll act soon.” Note that the only thing slower than the United States Postal Service is the United States legislative branch.

Senators like Susan Collins of Maine and Mark Begich of Alaska—i.e., politicians with largely rural constituencies—think the proposed weekday-only service is a bad idea. The former warned that eliminating Saturday delivery could “further jeopardize [the postal service’s] customer base.” Other factors that could further jeopardize the Postal Service’s customer base include, notably, modernity.

A backup plan to save Saturdays: Congress does have a lot of power to issue commemorative stamps! What if Congress were to issue a stamp—and invalidate all pre-existing stamps—that had an encouraging message? Maybe like a computer with a speech bubble that said something like, “I hate myself”?