Jesus’ Remedy for Rejection

Luke 18 “9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous,and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a (THE) sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

The Pharisee and tax collector were BOTH looking for acceptance! The Pharisee thought he had acceptance, because he was respected and accepted by men. The tax collector thought he was rejected, and was so eaten up by those feelings of rejection, that he couldn’t even look up to heaven. The Pharisee thanked God for a blessing he didn’t have, and the tax collector assumed he was rejected, because he was rejected by people. HOWEVER – the tax collector was justified by God and therefore, he was ACCEPTED!! (As we will see shortly…justification is the ultimate acceptance and the great nullifier of rejection!)

The Marks of the Pharisee – he relies on what he has done, and how people view him. He fasts…he gives. He’s not like the pagan. He doesn’t do “bad things” and, although that gives him some level of temporary comfort, note that he is ultimately rejected by God. He is unjustified and unaccepted. EVEN THOUGH HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS WAS INDEED GREAT. Jesus gives no indication that his self assessment was wrong, that this particular pharisee was a hypocrite. On the surface, it appears that he was a good man in regards to his “good” works… He just wasn’t good enough. Note that he is praying by himself – away from the congregation. Withdrawn. Superior.

There are at least three major parables of Jesus where the one the Jews would have expected to be accepted by God would be rejected, and the one whom the Jews would have assumed to be far from God would be accepted. The Tax collector and Pharisee. The Elder brother and the prodigal brother. The Rich man and Lazarus. All of those parables feature characters that the Jews would have thought would have been embraced by God: A rich successful man…a dutiful elder brother and heir, and a righteous preacher/pharisee. The Jews would have looked up to those men, but in fact, it was the younger brother (who had sinned so zealously) that was accepted by God. It was the poor, boil infected, Lazarus that spends eternity in Heaven and it was the traitor to his people tax collector that is justified by God. What a plot twist!!

Scripture abounds with other examples as well: The tax collector and traitor Zacchaeus. The demon possessed and unclean Mary Magdalene. The rejected sinner Mary of Bethany – possibly a prostitute? The pagan Syro-Phoenician woman with the daughter in deadly peril. The children pushed away by the disciples. Over and over again, the story of the New Testament is the story of rejected people being called to repent and embraced by Jesus and the Father.

We see here in Luke 18 that a hated and vilified tax collector is justified and accepted by God while a respected and seemingly righteous Pharisee is ultimately rejected and unjustified by God. How is the possible? How can you trade in your rejection for acceptance? The answer is, ultimately, the Good News of Jesus…or, The Gospel.

The Good News of Jesus (The Gospel!)

If you are accepted by the Father – it doesn’t matter who rejects you. If you are rejected by the Father (and don’t dare think that He doesn’t reject…if the Bible is true – and it is – He will reject all who are not in Christ!), then it doesn’t matter who accepts you – you are ultimately rejected. In Galatians 2:15, Paul the apostle uses an incredibly powerful word – justification – to talk about ULTIMATE acceptance. We ourselves are Jews by birth and not Gentile sinners; 16 yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified.

Justification is the ULTIMATE acceptance – it is the ultimate NULLIFICATION of rejection. Justification is better than acceptance. Acceptance merely means, “you can come into the party” Justification means, “you can be the KING of the party.” Justification means you’re not just allowed through God’s door – you’re the honored guest! You’re not just allowed to come inside, stand in the corner and see what the cool kids do – you ARE the cool kid. You’re the king of the prom, the queen of the prom – when you are justified by the sacrifice of Jesus.

BUT that justification doesn’t come through your activity or what you’ve done – it comes through grace by faith. Often those who struggle so much with rejection in general are those who are relying on themselves and are disappointed in themselves but are not looking to Jesus to be saved and approved. Rejection comes when you look to yourself to save yourself. (Do better, be cooler, look more attractive, lose weight, be funnier, etc) Acceptance and justification comes when you look to Jesus in faith!! It’s not your effort. It’s not like Jeff Kemp’s coach. He loved Kemp when he played well and rejected him when he didn’t. We understand that – we understand acceptance THAT WAY. But the deeper acceptance is the justification by Jesus based on faith.

C.S. Lewis is one of my favorite writers. He has such a gift for words and weaving stories together. I find that much of his fiction is as impactful and as full of truth as his notable non-fiction works. There is a scene in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, where Lewis does a beautiful job of describing the Good News of Jesus and the power of the death of Jesus to OVERCOME rejection. If you aren’t familiar with the books, know that Aslan is a lion (who correlates to Jesus) and He has just given His life for Edmund, a boy with little character and little to recommend himself to anybody. Susan and Lucy, as followers of Aslan, are dejected that the evil White Witch has managed to sacrifice Aslan on the stone table. Here’s what happens next:

Susan and Lucy had just witnessed the horrific death of Aslan, and were now said to be “walking aimlessly,” unsure of how to proceed. At that moment they heard from behind them a loud noise — a great cracking, deafening noise as if a giant had broken a giant’s plate…. The Stone Table was broken into two pieces by a great crack that ran down it from end to end; and there was no Aslan.

“Who’s done it?” cried Susan. “What does it mean? Is it more magic?”

“Yes!” said a great voice from behind their backs. “It is more magic.” They looked round. There, shining in the sunrise, larger than they had seen him before, shaking his mane (for it had apparently grown again) stood Aslan himself.

“Oh, Aslan!” cried both the children, staring up at him, almost as much frightened as they were glad….

“But what does it all mean?” asked Susan when they were somewhat calmer.

“It means,” said Aslan, “that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.”

Similarly, when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world, it caused death and rejection to begin working backwards, and provided for salvation for all “traitors” who had sinned against a holy God. Jesus’ death and resurrection paid for our sins and paved the way for what Paul calls justification in Galatians 2. Justification means that Jesus PAID THE PRICE for our sins and PAID THE PRICE so that we could be as accepted by the Father as Jesus is accepted by the Father. This means that those who repent and turn to Jesus in faith are just as accepted and just as justified as Jesus Himself is. Not by works (so that nobody can brag about it…) but by grace through faith.

Once again I write: If you are accepted (justified) by the sacrifice of Jesus – it doesn’t matter WHO rejects you – even if all of the world does…the acceptance and justification of Jesus NULLIFIES EVERY OTHER REJECTION!! Likewise – if you are NOT justified/accepted via the sacrifice of Jesus – then it doesn’t matter if you are the most popular person in your school…if you have the most followers on Twitter….the most friends in all of the world – if you aren’t accepted by God through Jesus…then you are ultimately rejected!

How do we respond to this? More specifically How do we cast off rejection and walk in peace and acceptance? I’ll close very briefly with two ways to ultimately REJECT rejection!

1. LOOK to Jesus in faith, repent and believe the good news! If you have faith in Jesus alone for your salvation, and are following Him…then you are justified. Not by works but by faith. The tax collector perhaps didn’t realize that he was justified, but he was. The Pharisee FELT like he was accepted by God, but he was far from it. Feelings aren’t as important here as faith. Sometimes you will FEEL rejected. The ultimate reality, however, is that you are ACCEPTED and justified if you are in Christ! Want to drive this truth deeper into your heart and life? Meditate on Galatians 2 and Romans 3:20-25. Hide God’s Word deep into your heart!

2. Radically change the posture of your life so that you ACCEPT others in an obvious and tangible and deep way. Resolve to NEVER be an agent of rejection, so far as it depends on you. INCLUDE both the lovely and unloveable, knowing that Christ your savior gave His life on the cross for those who were still in sin. You cannot be BEST FRIENDS with everybody. (and don’t expect everybody to be your best friend!) But you can LOVE, SERVE, and ACCEPT everybody!! Remember Paul’s words in Romans 15:7 “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God”

Rejection is BOTH a spiritual problem AND a practical problem. Find your ultimate HOPE and ACCEPTANCE in Jesus, and, by loving and accepting other people, HELP them find their ultimate hope and acceptance in the Gospel of Jesus also.

This article was penned by Chase Thompson, elder at Agape Fellowship. The corresponding sermon can be found on this site under Messages / Singles / Rejection (July 6, 2014)

Literally everybody has struggled with rejection at one time or another. From supermodels, to frumpy moms…from quarterbacks to nerds…everybody has tasted the bitter bile of rejection. I still remember the day in high school when, after being goaded by my parents for a month to ask a particular girl out, I finally relented and walked into the drugstore where she was working. I had a good wingman with me, and was confident in my chances of success. First, because my parents (who were friends with her parents) had told me that she was interested and, second because, at that tender age, I had never been turned down by a girl. (Not because I was a Romeo…but because I was careful to ask out only girls that I knew would say yes…)

Anyway, five minutes after walking into the drugstore, I walked out with a confused look on my face, and a hole in my heart. She had shot me down! I had been rejected. I still remember how bad that hurt…and how bad it hurt when my first serious girlfriend broke up with me to go out with another guy…and how bad it hurt when I had unrequited love for my third grade sweetheart. Rejection stinks, and keep in mind that I am only writing about my own rejection stories that are easy to share and not too embarrassing. I’m keeping the REALLY painful ones to myself.

Rejection happens to all of us – the best and the worst of us. That rejection is a universal experience among humans, however, doesn’t make it any easier to bear….just know that you are not alone – and read on! Here’s one example: Jeff Kemp was the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks in 1988. From his autobiography, he writes about one particularly stinging incidence of rejection:

“Coming out of the pregame meal, one of the offensive coaches put his arm around me and strongly affirmed his faith in me. “I want you to know how happy I am that you are the Seahawk quarterback. I’ve been waiting for this day.” On the day of the game, Kemp started out hot, but a pass that all-pro wide receiver Steve Largent dropped caused Kemp to lose confidence and it led to him having a terrible first half performance that all of the Seahawks fans lustily booed leading into halftime.

I waded through the players to find the coach who had been so supportive before the game. I wanted to discuss some offensive strategies that might turn things around in the second half. As I approached him and began, “Coach—” he turned his back on me without a word. Then he called to another quarterback, put his arm around him, and began to discuss plays he would run in the second half.

Now, I understood that I was being taken out of the game. That made sense. I was hoping it wouldn’t happen, but I understood. But that coach didn’t say one word to me for the rest of the game, even though we stood next to each other on the sidelines. Nor did he say anything on Monday when we watched the game films. For about a month, there was complete rejection. He simply couldn’t deal with the fact that I hadn’t lived up to his hopes, that I hadn’t helped the team succeed. He rejected me relationally because my performance fell short.

Can you relate to that? I think we all can! We have all come up short in our performance in one way or the other, and have seen people, whom we thought liked us a lot, turn their backs on us or at least shake their heads in disappointment.

I like quotes a lot, and I stumbled upon one this week that surprised me. This one is from a prayer by pastor Walter Marshall, “May God bless my discovery of the powerful means of holiness so much as to save some from killing themselves.” What a strange prayer that is…until you hear the back-story.

That was a prayer at the beginning of a message, and a very odd one. Pastor Marshall had been faithfully teaching the Bible, but many of the people in his church were so struck with feelings of rejection and inability to please God or each other…that suicide and self mutilation were rampant! He was praying that his message would lead to people stopping the practice of harming themselves, and even save some from killing themselves.

Pastor Marshall well understood their feelings, as He too had been despairing until he had finally understood the remedy for the constant rejection and separation from God that he felt. I’m writing about that remedy today, because rejection is still a tremendous issue among us. I say still because Walter Marshall pastored in the 1600s. Yes – they dealt with suicide and self harm/cutting and such even back then. Rejection is prevalent, timeless, universal and deadly painful.

Rejection is so painful perhaps because we are wired to deeply need approval. On Instagram – people sometimes comment, “spam for spam,” In other words, “like my pictures, and I will like all of yours.” We relish “likes” on FB, and followers on Twitter. We SO want approval.

Where did this longing for approval come from? We can trace it back thousands of years – all the way back to the Garden of Eden…where a man and a woman lived that were so assured of the approval of God that they were naked and unashamed and living in freedom.

When we, as humans, were absolutely certain of God’s approval – we lived in ultimate freedom – no clothing – no airs. We can’t do that now! Once humanity lost assurance of the approval of God (after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit…) they covered up and hid. They put on clothes AND fled from the presence of God. Prior to the fall, Adam and Eve knew and walked in a deep confidence of the approval of God, and it brought deep and radical freedom. After the Fall, a return to that level of freedom is not yet available – keep your clothes on! – but a STUNNINGLY deep level of joy and peace is available to those who are justified by faith in Jesus and are deeply permeated by that truth.

Rejection and the Spirit of Rejection. How to know if this is a big issue for you?

We have all tasted rejection – but some people struggle daily and nightly with rejection in a deeper way than many others. Why do some struggle so much in this area? Is it because of past abuse? Insecurity? Is it a spiritual attack? Or, perhaps, are some people just that much more of a magnet for rejection than others? Read on to find out how to know if rejection is a giant issue in your life. (Note: it is a significant issue in everybody’s life)

Signs you struggle with rejection more than most:

1. A regular, nagging feeling that you don’t belong – that other people fit in much better than you do, and that you are always on the outside. “Other people always get together and hang out…but I always feel left out.”

2. Regular and disabling feelings of unworthiness and lack of value. “I guess that I’m just not important enough to people for them to call me.”

3. Being quick to take offense for yourself or a family member. “Why doesn’t my son or daughter get invited over to other people’s houses? Why are the other children better liked than my children?”

4. Feeling that no matter what you do, it’s not good enough. “I’ve tried so hard to be a friend to other people, but they just aren’t returning the favor. Why won’t anybody be MY friend?”

5. Friend hopping – skipping around to different friends and confidants, moving around to different churches/groups of people a lot. “This particular group of people doesn’t like me and will never like me. We need to leave and go elsewhere so that I can find that group of friends who will truly embrace me and make me feel at home.”

6. Having a tendency to take things that happen and words that are spoken as particularly negative. “His/her words were pointed at me, and were intended to hurt me.”

7. Having a tendency to get your feelings hurt by words or an event, but not speaking about it, or masking your real feelings. “I feel left out…but they will never know how hurt I am!”

8. Having difficulty recognizing when others reach out to you in loving or friendly ways. OVER-Emphasizing when people hurt you or don’t include you and forgetting the times when people have encouraged you and included you. “My friends don’t care at all about me…all they do is leave me out and hurt me.”

If the above are your common thoughts and feelings then it is possible that you might have a significant issue with rejection. It is possible that you are truly rejected more than others OR it is actually more likely that you are OVER-focusing on negative things and UNDER-focusing on positive things, which is COMPLETELY distorting your ability to perceive and receive love and warm friendship.

Is there a Spirit of Rejection?

I have heard pastors and church leaders speak of a specific “Spirit of Rejection.” With the implication that some people struggle so much with rejection because they are actively targeted by a demon or malevolent spirit that seeks to feed and breed feelings of rejection in that person. Is such a thing possible – or is it outlandish? Is rejection more of an emotional/psychological issue or a spiritual issue? I believe the answer can well be BOTH! What does the Bible say about a “Spirit of Rejection?”

The Bible speaks of spirits of sleep/slumber/stupor, evil spirits, unclean spirits, spirits of heaviness, spirits of foolishness, spirits of prostitution, lying spirits, elemental spirits, deceitful spirits, demonic spirits, and more… 1 Cor 12:10 speaks of a spiritual gift of distinguishing between spirits (!) Quite clearly, the inspired Word of God seems to indicate that there are active spirits, with specific characteristics, that work evil against God’s people. Are these spirits actually demons or a different being altogether? That question is an interesting one, but is beyond the scope of this project.

Are these spirits personal, or simply feelings, thoughts, etc? In other words, when the Bible speaks of various spirits, is the Bible actually euphemistically referring to what we would call psychological issues today? 2nd Chronicles 18:21 AND 1 Kings 22:22 both speak of a personified, real,active and living deceiving spirit who had the ability to communicate and develop cunning plans. Other Scriptural passages seem to confirm that these evil spirits do indeed have a personality and intelligence.

Now – what about a specific “Spirit of Rejection?” I note quite clearly that the Bible does NOT specifically list a Spirit of Rejection, but Paul writes to Timothy a very interesting warning that many biblical Christians do not take seriously in this modern age. 1 Timothy 4:1 Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons. Here Paul is very strenuously warning Timothy that a day will come when those in the church will be drawn away by the demonic false teachers AND will be devoted to deceitful spirits. I believe that one of the ways those deceitful spirits draw people away from faith is via the avenue of rejection. Put more specifically, you can’t make a biblical case for there being a specific “Spirit of Rejection,” but you can clearly make the case that there are deceitful spirits who lead people astray in the church. One of their primary tools, especially in this day and age, is the tool of rejection.

If I had to speculate – I believe that these “deceitful spirits” work on stirring up lies to separate believers and assault unity in the church. Whereas Jesus prayed in John 17 that His followers would be brought to “complete unity,” so that the world would know that God the Father sent His son…deceitful spirits endeavor to stir up lies to SEPARATE believers and DAMPEN the gospel through disunity. As Paul notes in Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” I propose that one of the clearest and most painful ways that we wrestle against spiritual forces of evil is in the context of rejection! And therefore, I conclude that it is likely that there are spiritual enemies opposed to us that seek to attack Christians with overwhelming despair and rejection. While there may not be a specific “Spirit of Rejection.” it is quite clear that the Bible warns us about deceitful spirits, and I believe these deceitful spirits can and do constantly assault Christians with lies and attacks designed to make them feel so rejected as to withdraw from fellowship!