Scribes Wrestle Tucker Carlson Into Swimming Pool

Last Thursday night The Daily Caller (a.k.a Lambda Lambda Lambda) held its summer party at the upscale home of Publisher Neil Patel and things got a little loosey goosey. And for The Daily Caller that’s not saying a lot because life there under the rule of a self-proclaimed Libertarian Editor tends to be sans rules as is. The party boasted a pie eating contest. There was also the inevitable tossing Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson into the pool. A party. A pool. An editor. Unruly, rebellious, jokester reporters. This was, in a word: INEVITABLE.

Late Wednesday a Daily Caller contributing reporter named Scoops Delacroix wrote a story on it. We had good intel on who “Scoops” was, so we asked Jeff Winkler, a full-time scribe, about his alleged piece describing the pool party. “Shaggy said it best: It wasn’t me,” he said. “But whoever this Scoops Delacroix character is, he’s got talent. Wouldn’t be surprised if one day he finds his own Deeper Throat.” He added, “That’s my official comment for you amoral and relentlessly vicious reporters.”

An excerpt: During the media mega-conglomerate’s pool party at Publisher Neil Patel’s
palatial mansion, Carlson was surrounded by several long-suffering staff
members and escorted from his berth near the dinner table to an undisclosed
location in the middle of the pool.

Employees who wrestled Carlson in the pool included Winkler (or ThatWinkler as his Twitter account says), Managing Editor Joe Kildea and business employee Brian Danza. This was mere moments after Danza lost a pie eating contest to an intern. Carlson was apparently a good sport about the whole thing — meaning he didn’t injure anyone, fire anyone or drown in the process. He’s also evidently a good swimmer. “Tucker makes Michael Phelps look like an amateur,” said Daily Caller Spokesman Kurt Bardella, who declined to comment on whether Carlson read the story about the party before it got published.

An FBDC reader wondered whether there was really a market for journalists writing about their workplaces in this manner. “Why would I want to read this? Why promote this? Is there a market for this?” But more importantly, what does this do for the publication’s image? (LAMBDA! LAMBDA! LAMBDA!)

The story made the rounds and a splash, so perhaps there’s the answer.

Note: Above left is a wet Tucker post dip taking a photograph with interns.

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