Monday, October 10, 2011

As you all know, I'm very much a "vampires are bullshit" guy. I don't find them compelling or dramatically interesting. What used to be a monster has become gay best friends for cat ladies or sparkly, unthreatening dream boyfriends for emo chicks terrified of male secondary sexual characteristics. So I thought it might be interesting to do a list of non-Dracula vampires that I actually like. And... well, it wasn't, really, but here are the results.

10. Cassidy

It doesn't get mentioned as much in these days of reboots and civil wars and ultimate bullshit, but Preacher was a fantastic comic.

9. Golbat

If I could, I would put a Pokemon on every list I make.

8. Blade

Because Blade 2 is a fantastic movie. And I like the way it imagines vampires as actual monsters.

7. Sophie-Anne Leclerq

Why did you kill her off True Blood? I loved Evan Rachel Wood's performance as a vampire who was a believable sensualist.

6. Carmilla Karnstein

Ingrid Pitt's iconic performance in one of my all time favorite movies, The Vampire Lovers.

5. Jessica Hamby

Oh, Jessica... I want to do bad things with you.

4. Eric Northman

Also you.

3. Grandpa

I almost didn't include him, because he is a Dracula: Count Sam Dracula of Transylvania. But I just didn't have the heart. He's one of the earliest vampires I ever knew, and still one of the best. So I cheated. It's my list.

2. Count Von Count

My earliest vampire, and still more serious than those little Twilight shits. Also, if I could, I would put a Muppet on every list.

1. Eli

Specifically from the novel Let the Right One In. I've never read a novel about a vampire that I have loved as much as I did this one. Eli is a believable person, a creature that rediscovers its humanity, and of course that's the kind of redemptive theme I love.