Andy Borowitz: Bush Proposes Making Illegal Immigrants ‘Guest Voters’

Posted on Oct 27, 2006

By Andy Borowitz

In his boldest stroke to date to break the logjam over illegal immigration, President George W. Bush today proposed a “guest voter” program for illegal immigrants that would make them eligible to vote in the midterm elections on Nov. 7.

Speaking at a press conference at the White House this morning, Mr. Bush said that his “guest voter” proposal would allow illegal immigrants to attain full citizenship status for one day only.

“Illegal immigrants are important to this country, because they do many of the things that other Americans are unwilling to do,” the president said. “Like voting.”

According to the president’s plan, undocumented immigrants would be bused to special “naturalization/voting booths” on Nov. 7, where they could become citizens for the day simply by pulling a lever.

“Then, when their work is done, we’ll make sure they’re back on the other side of the border by Nov. 8,” Mr. Bush said. “Everyone wins.”

But Mr. Bush’s guest voter program received mix reviews from congressional Democrats, many of whom believe that glitches in the so-called naturalization/voting booths could lead to invalid election results.

In particular, critics have complained that in an early prototype of the booth, the translation of the phrase “I want to be a U.S. citizen” appeared as “Vote for all Republican candidates with this lever.”

Unfazed by the critics, Mr. Bush said he would move forward with this and other immigration proposals, including building a 700-foot fence around Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.).

Elsewhere, the Department of Homeland Security warned of more attacks after supermodel Naomi Campbell was released on bail.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Republican Playbook.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.