It just occurred to me that this Thanksgiving, I have the healthiest relationship with food that I’ve ever had. It probably sounds strange to people who have always enjoyed big meals with no qualms (or maybe to people who don’t talk about their relationships to food), but to be honest, Thanksgiving used to stress me out.

Most Thanksgivings, since early high school, I had a dysfunctional/rocky relationship with food. Big meals with the family were not what I considered a celebration. I would pile my plate with the assortment, then only pick at the turkey and veggies, hoping I was the picture of normalcy. Afterwards, I’d still be hungry. Success!

(not my family...but close)

Last year, at Thanksgiving, I was vegan. Because I went to my Aunts for dinner and didn’t feel like explaining what a “vay-gun” (how my parents pronounce it) was, there wasn’t much for me to eat. Which was perfect, really, because to me, being vegan was just an excuse to restrict what I ate.

What helped me the most was my boyfriend, who loves food, healthy or unhealthy (mostly unhealthy). Alex helped me realize that eating ice cream after dinner won’t kill me, and neither will eating pizza four times a week (it’s my favorite food, okay?). I still care about eating healthy, but I’m starting to realize I need to be mentally healthy as well. I used to feel like dessert was “wasted calories”, but now I know that chocolate and ice cream make me super happy. I used to feel guilty after eating a big meal until I was stuffed, but now I enjoy meals like that with relish, especially if the food is particularly awesome and is bacon.

I’ll be working this Thanksgiving, which pretty much sucks, because it will be the first time in a long time that I will actually be able to enjoy it. If I get out of work in time, I might be able to celebrate with my boyfriend and his family, but if not, there’s always Christmas dinner. Or, you know, the other 364 days in the year that I can enjoy delicious food (sometimes in copious amounts) to the fullest. And for that, I’m thankful.

I’ve realized recently that the more homework I have due, the more enticing baking sounds. Monday night, in lieu of writing an important paper, I procrastinated in only the best way: by baking. The first recipe that caught my eye was for Caramel Apple Pecan Muffins. Considering whatever I bake is primarily devoured by my boyfriend and brothers, and unsure this recipe would please my demographic, I also chose to bake the safe-sounding Oatmeal Scotchies (from my go-to baking blog, Baked Perfection).

(not my photo)

Well, I am glad that I had that back-up plan. I made the Scotchies first, without a hitch (I am told they are delicious). Then, I meticulously chopped the apples, caramels, and pecans for the muffins, poured the batter into the tin, and stuck them in the oven for a good ten minutes. That’s when I noticed something sitting on the counter, something that I had inadvertently left out of the batter. A softened stick of butter. A vital ingredient to any delicious baked good, especially since I generally steer away from “healthifying” sweet recipes (remember my demographic).

Needless to say, they didn’t turn out as awesome as I had hoped. Evidence: only three Scotchies remain, while only two of the muffins have been eaten. I’ve been told (by a friend who ventured to try one, even after I relayed that they were “adult muffins”) that they were “fine” and “actually pretty good”. But that doesn’t really cut it for me.

So, due to my paper being extended until Monday, I’m going to redeem myself and procrasti-bake some more muffins. Maybe tonight. Probably blueberry muffins.

— Cyndie

P.S. Blogging must be my other favorite way to procrastinate, because I’ve been sitting around in my work-out clothes for two hours.

When Kid Cudi’s first studio album, Man on the Moon: The End of Day came out, it became the top album of 2009 for me. Many good memories come to mind whenever I listen to Man on the Moon now. So when I heard that Kid Cudi released a second album, I already had high hopes for a new favorite.

I’ll admit, at first, Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager disappointed me with its lack of catchy tracks found on the his previous album. But Cudi’s sound appears to have matured, with songs that grow on you in the best way. Initially, I only listened to songs reminiscent of his first album, such as “Erase Me”, “Mojo So Dope”, and “Trapped in My Mind” (all of which I highly recommend to download). But the more I branched out, the more I loved songs unique to MotM II, like “Scott Mescudi Vs. The World”, “Maniac”, and “Mr. Rager”. MotM II proves to be more experimental and darker than its predecessor, both qualities that warrant a repeat listen. I’m still discovering tracks I love on this album, and I can already tell that this will be my music of choice for the next couple of months.

My feelings of inadequacy like to creep up in pretty much any facet of my life. I feel inadequate as a student, an employee, even as a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if because my mom homeschooled me I missed out on important classes like, How to Take Notes Instead of Texting in Class, or Why You Should Want to Work More Instead of Giving Everyone Your Shifts, and also How to Not Zone Out When Your Boyfriend is Telling a Really Long Story About Baseball. Because everyone seems to have mastered these techniques except me.

I definitely become even more self-deprecating when I compare myself to others. You know, those people that can work two jobs and take 17 credit hours, and have two boyfriends (true story). I only focus on how I should be able to work more/get better grades in school/be a more fun girlfriend. For some reason, I tend to create an imaginary measuring tape for myself. It measures more than just how fat those Hershey’s Kisses in my cupboard have been making me. In my mind, it measures my worth. I start to think that I really suck at life.

Clearly, this is just another case of me focusing on the negatives. I know, realistically, that I am not the worst girlfriend/employee/student in the world. Not even close.

I know I make my boyfriend happy (Sometimes by baking delicious Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins). I also know that my being happy makes him happy.

Working 18 hours a week provides me with enough cash flow, and also enough free time. So what if people work more than I do? This is enough for me.

I can be a good student if I put my mind to it. Those sloppy papers that I wrote last minute do not reflect my best writing, therefore I shouldn’t be upset about the poor grade.

So instead of wallowing in my cycle of self-pity next time, I’m just going to focus on what I do well. It’s usually more than I think.

Last week, Alex and I went to go see It’s Kind of a Funny Story. (The week before, we had gone to see Jackass 3D, so this week it was my turn to pick the film.)

You can watch the trailer here:

As someone who has a serious problem with staying awake during a movie (even in the theater, seriously), I can tell you that at no point did I find myself nodding off. That might not seem like a high compliment, but I can assure you that in my world, it is.

I generally find myself attracted to light comedies, and this film was no different, except that it wasn’t as light or as comedic as I was anticipating. I was surprised, but pleased, at the attention the film gave to depression.

Craig (played by Keir Gilchrist), a potentially suicidal teen, inadvertently checks himself into a mental hospital after he becomes worried that he is a danger to himself. It’s hard not to sympathize with Craig, especially after he tells his therapist that he knows his problems aren’t that bad, but they still leave him depressed. I thought the portrayal of depression was more realistic than I have seen in other films. Probably because the movie is based on a book, whose author suffered from depression.

I know a lot of people watched this movie for Zach Galifianakis, who plays Bobby, but the movie isn’t laugh-out-loud Hangover style, or like anything else the actor has played before. That being said, I really enjoyed seeing this side of Zach. There were still laughs, for sure, but the more interesting scenes were sweet and emotional.

Other highlights include Lauren Graham (who I loved on Gilmore Girls) as Craig’s mom, Jim Gaffigan as Craig’s dad, and Emma Roberts as Noelle, Craig’s first girlfriend and another teenage patient suffering from depression. The movie also has an awesome soundtrack that includes tracks from Broken Social Scene.

Overall, I really liked this movie and I’m glad I finally went to see it (it’s been in the theaters over a month). Don’t worry if you can’t make it to the theater to see it, because it’s the type of movie that’s great to rent on a cold night when you’d rather cozy up on your couch with your cheaper popcorn and snacks than go out. It’s neither a guy movie nor a chick flick, so it’s kind of perfect for a date night.