This is a nice thread. Let's not ruin it by criticizing each other. We are free to express our experiences. I admit I was far from perfect as a FA. I still beat myself up for not showing my ex-ssbbw how much I cared about her and how crazy I was about her body. Like a lot of men I am not very expressive with words but I realized how important this is if you want to be in a relationship with a ssbbw. As I said, ssbbws are wonderful creatures but many have had bad experiences from bad relationships, by the society beating them up or parents who never really embraced them for what they are so they need extra affection and love. I know I made a lot of mistakes but hey, at least I realize my mistakes.

Congratulations on being happily married and I hope your wife is happy with her body as much as you are. I have always been attracted to bigger girls and coincidentally the older I become the more I attracted I am to the bigger range of ssbbw. Still not all of my girlfriends have been bbw or ssbbw because I don't get the chance to meet bigger ladies as I would like so. I dated both slimmer and bigger girls, and only a couple ssbbw. My ex was a full blown ssbbw around 400lbs and I was crazy about her. She was happy with her body but she had many insecurities probably due to previous bad relationships. She left me eventually because she thought I did not love her enough.I realized, late so, that if you truly care about a ssbbw you should shout it at her all the time. Unlike normal-sized women, a ssbbw is more prone to feel hurt and neglected and an FA's job is to show her how wonderful, sexy and beautiful she is and how precious she is to him.

this statement is just... errrrr

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay West Coast

I'm excited to marry a BBW next month. She is, for the sake of the discussion, "already a BBW."

I think we'd both count it as having our wedding cake and eating it too.

An SSBBW is only prone to feeling hurt and neglected if she is actually hurt and neglected, like women of any size.

So true. I've had this discussion with people many times. I think that a BBW may have different insecurities that someone who is not, but that does not mean that they have more insecurities. What makes a person human is not limited to the flesh and blood that comprises their body. Their spirit matters too. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is void of insecurities on some level. I don't care what they tell you. Maybe they relate to physical features, maybe not. I know some BBWs who are so confident in their bodies that they probably intimidate men just as much as any "hot" girl does. (Sorry to the poster who earlier had objected to the use of that word. Like before, I use it in quotes to convey society's mainstream ideas of what makes a girl "hot." Ideas with which I happen to disagree.) I think it is absolutely beautiful to see a BBW who knows that she is gorgeous. Confidence is empowering.

I look back at my early and formative days in which I began to pursue BBWs and am actually ashamed. The first bigger girl that I slept with I did so from desperation. I did not stick around in the days following, and by the time I realized that she was probably right for me, she had rightfully moved on. At the time I was young and stupid and still believed that myth that "fat girls try harder" and that a big girl would be desperate as well and that she would welcome me back because her option were limited.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I may have slept with her from desperation, but she did so with me out of a genuine feeling of attraction and interest. She was not desperate, she was selective and had shown me the honor of selecting me. I was just to stupid to get it until it was too late. This girl obviously valued herself as any girl should. She was no different than any other girl who knows she has been shunned. She had enough dignity to move on from me. To this day I am ashamed that I ever thought the way I did about bigger girls. All I can say is that I am so thankful to have matured a bit over the years.

I'm very glad you married a woman you love and are attracted to and have felt your opinions about the ideas of fat women change.

But I guess I am with the others - I don't mean this as a pile-on, I am just genuinely curious - but somebody who was her size when you married her could easily have gotten smaller. Or never gotten any bigger. It's kinda just chance that she's a BBW now.

So - what would have happened if she had gotten smaller? Would you be writing a different version of this post -- about how you learned to know you liked fat women but still risked marrying someone smaller than you generally were attracted to? Would you be looking around again now for a different type of woman, like at the beginning of the story?

I don't think there are rules--I think it's beautiful you love her and there's nothing wrong with your situation and loving her. I don't think you have to prove you're an FA on a forum.

But you are the one who is bringing up your situation/describing it here on Dims in the context of learning to like fat girls, so I am curious. (Also because it happens so often.)

I mean - having learned how important a fat partner was to you, what was it about a chubby girl that made it worth the risk again? Chubby was fat enough? Did you have a sense she'd probably get bigger? Did you associate her smaller size with having kids or something?

These are nosy questions. But. Best to you, in any case. Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you for your kind words, and even for your objections. Perhaps I can clarify my reasoning. First off, I believe physical attraction just gets your foot in the door. It is what stimulates one's interest in a man or woman, but it is just a spark. Personality is what can carry a relationship through the long haul.

Furthermore, I think that most of us can agree that shallowness is an undesirable character flaw. I can't tell you how many times I've heard bigger girls complain that guys don't give them a chance because of their weight. That they don't get a chance to show someone what a great person they are because a guy is not interested in their personality because of their weight. Maybe it has happened to some of the ladies on this thread, or throughout this forum. I find that sad and would argue that a lot of guys miss out on a chance to meet a wonderful partner when they can't see past her weight. But is it any less shallow when it goes the other way?

Consider a guy who meets a girl. She has all the personality traits that he likes, is generally attractive to him, but she carries a few extra pounds or more, so he passes on her. Would we consider him shallow that he passed on an otherwise suitable partner over a physical characteristic? I would. I used to be that way.

But it is no less shallow to pass on an otherwise suitable partner because she doesn't have ENOUGH weight. Yes, I liked bigger girls and chubby girls, but it's not like I had a 10 item checklist for physical features that guided my search. It's not like I had a cutoff. "You must weigh over ___lbs to date me." That's no less shallow than those who say "you must weigh no more than ___lbs..."

So when I met a girl who had a few extra pounds and a personality that matched beautifully with my own, I jumped at the opportunity in front of me. If she had weighed less or more, I still would have. I think that the objections here are with my choice of wording in the title of this thread. Fair enough, it makes it sound like my wife was much heavier than she was when we met and got married. I think that people are missing the point, though. I thought the thread title was fun and catchy, but it is just a thread title. The point of this story is to convey my own growth and maturity as I evolved from someone who was shallow to someone who learned how to appreciate the physical beauty of girls who were overweight. I thought that this forum would be an appropriate venue for such a discussion. Rest assured I had no idea that some would see what I consider to be personal growth as still being shallow and jerky over what basically amounts to a few pounds on my wife's body early on in our relationship.

So in answer to some of your specific questions, yes, chubby was "fat enough." There was no risk, as she was still much bigger than many of the girls with whom I could never develop intimate chemistry. She was even bigger than some with whom I had been able to do so. Remember, weight is relative to height. As for having a sense that she would get bigger, I can't say yes or no to that. I really can't remember. I remember being in love and loving her for who she was. When her body changed, my attitude toward her did not. I still loved her as she was. She was just bigger now.

Once again I do appreciate your kind words. I hope that this explanation helps explain my though process.

H_M, I totally agree about not setting minimum weights. I'm recently married and my wife happens to be the skinniest person that I've ever dated. When we met she was less than half the weight of my previous girlfriend! (98lbs vs ~200). We knew each other for quite a while before we started dating but I had always ruled her out because she was "too skinny". However, when I got to know her better it became clear that she was the right person for me.

Here's the kicker for me. I've always known that I am a dyed-in-the-wool feeder. I vacillated between trying to find a feedee or just trying to ignore those urges and focus on other things. When I started dating my current wife I had basically made the decision that my feederism would always just be a fantasy. My wife runs 10 miles a day and eats one healthier than anyone I've ever met. It didn't seem likely that she would turn into a BBW. However, when I told her about my preference she was intrigued and eventually decided that we wanted to get fat for me. This was without any coercion on my part. She said that she was likely to get fat anyway as it is in her genes (this seems to be true) and that the whole thing just felt like the right thing to do.

Anyway, I feel like I was rewarded by finding someone who was a good match for me rather than going by lust alone. It worked out better than I could have hoped. I know I'm another example of someone marrying a thin girl and ignoring BBWs, but the truth is I just never met the right BBW for me.

I'm excited to marry a BBW next month. She is, for the sake of the discussion, "already a BBW."

I think we'd both count it as having our wedding cake and eating it too.

Do not ever let the bride eat wedding cake! It contains a dangerous chemical that is known to permanently kill a woman's sex drive. Or so I was told by a close friend. Thankfully, said chemical was absent from the cake we had back in June and my beautiful round bride is still willing. That being said, you've been warned!

When my wife and I started dating, she weighed about 165. I didn't know what would follow...

She loves to eat and started gaining weight rapidly - and I loved it.

She reached 200 after one year, 250 after 5 years. I married the most beautiful woman I know at 240. She got pregnant at 290.

We have two wonderful kids today.

I love her at any weight...but all her fabulous fat is nothing short of amazing though.

One thing I have to admit: If she had weighed that much at the beginning of our relationship, I probably wouldn't have dated her. She was already considered as too fat for me by some then. As she got bigger and bigger automatically (sort of), I got more and more excited!

In my youth, I wouldn't have identified myself as an FA, but I always found myself attracted to bigger girls. I started dating my future wife when she was a freshman in high school (I was a Junior). She was about 130 lbs. at age 14 - not huge but quite curvy with big sexy legs and a nice round ass. We married 5 1/2 years later, and after 10 years of marriage she weighed 250 lbs. It was a steady gain, sometimes as much as 20 lbs. a year, sometimes less. I wasn't trying to fatten her; she just loved to eat, and I loved the results. She was a pear shape and at first gained weight in her hips and thighs, much to my delight. She had a lot of cellulite even when she was thin, and as she got bigger the dimples grew deeper and softer. The fat spread out to include her belly and upper body as she grew bigger. I loved watching her try to wriggle into last year's bathing suit, because her year's worth of newly acquired fat spilled out everywhere and jiggled wonderfully. I loved her body, but she was never comfortable being a BBW. Later on she tried a liquid protein diet and lost about 70 lbs. but then put the weight right back on after only a few months (very exciting for me to watch). We stayed married for 26 years and split (amicably) after our kids left the nest. Fast forward to 2003: I found myself single and decided to admit that I was a true FA. So I looked online for a BBW and found my perfect belly girl, who (at 5' 3") was about 275 and gained to over 300 after we married. She has been a BBW most of her life, is comfortable in her body and doesn't mind (in fact celebrates) that I love her hanging belly and the rest of her soft parts. We have the best sex life that either of us has ever enjoyed.

I love my wife she is the best part of my life next to the three beautiful children she gave me. She never had a date through HS because she was heavy and no one asked her. Then I met her and saw the beautiful person she is inside and out. And after 31 years of marriage we have the best marriage of anyone I know.
Yes I married a BBW and I thank God for that! Paul

__________________
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” ..... Miss Piggy

Seems like a perfect thread for husbands of bbws to hang out. Personally, I oggled my wife from when she was thin through her zaftig days. I absolutely love her curves. I enjoy every inch of her body and love her to death. There is just something very sensual about a curvy body with a roll or two to grab onto. I just love caressing her curves and can linger over her belly and flesh for hours.

Now, I will love her thin or thick ... but I'm definitely living a real fantasy right now with her weight just north of 270lbs. She's 5'9 in height with an apple body I'm very fond of.

I'm here to share whatever thoughts come to mind on the topic and wave a hello to the other husbands (and zaftig women).