Here’s a Tough One To Figure Out

It just occurred to me that there are people in this world who I have had SEX with who refuse to friend me on Facebook. That’s just wrong.

So healthy, fixating over exes and why they refuse to acknowledge her existence. She must be so in love right now; obsessing over your exes is a sure sign of a healthy, emotionally adjusted woman in the throes of the greatest love she’s ever known — again.

382 Responses to Here’s a Tough One To Figure Out

Let this be a lesson for all the donkey sexers: you slept with her so you owe her. Those are her memories too, so she’s entitled to be a part of your future. A moment with her vibrator forever on your friend list.

WTF? Doesn’t she have a new lover-boy? I think I have exactly one-person-I-had-sex-with in my past as a fb friend.
It’s never a good thing when you’re braggin’ on the secks and the other person denies, denies, denies…

I’d never thought about it before but I’m facebook friends with two people I’ve had sex with. High school boyfriend and a guy I had a hot fling with in my early twenties.

But then again, I’m pretty much the opposite of Julia. I know myself well enough to spend zero time googling/facebook stalking exes because no good ever comes of it. Even when they’re down and out I still wind up feeling like shit.

Exactly. The one I’m friends with is from high-school and we were friends before and after our tiny fling a gazillion years ago. There are others I really prefer to just live in my memory as they were at the time I knew them.

Remaining facebook friends with someone who broke your heart is a form of self-mutilation, in my opinion. Even if you “left the door open” as Julia likes to say, how would it help your future with that person to know who they’re boning right now? In my experience the only couples who get back together and make it work have an absolute and total break in between. They aren’t friends, rooting each other through the break-up and encouraging them to go out and sow their oats. Fuck no. There is no room to heal.

So the only reason Julia would still be friends with Jack is to stalk him. Which only brings her more angst. Why doesn’t she realize this. Does she ever log off from Facebook feeling good?

This is so insane. Seriously, it’s one thing for that to be the case – a sure sign of her instability, but something that does happen when relationships go sour. It’s another thing entirely to announce such a fact to the Internet. Julia, you cray. Take this as a sign and get some help.

Is it possible she’s so fucking stupid that she’s JUST catching on to the fact that lots of people who have encountered her in real life actively hate her guts and find her unhinged, with deep fear of ever being associated with her in ANY way?

She’s such a freak. I have no desire to be friends w the vast majority of men I’ve had sex with. Because like most normal people I move the fuck on. It’s just Facebook my god. She’s 12 years old.

Also, in the “take a hint” files. She is trying so hard to be a funny edgy yet relatable Internet figure, spurred on by 100 idiots who thought her show was good so clearly have no taste or intelligence. Every time she makes a comment like this it is a resounding dud, because she is neither amusing nor profound. She’s just sad, dull and crazy. Dull and crazy is really hard to pull off too but she does it magnificently.

I’m friends w exactly three such ppl on fb. And the list is not a short list because I’m old and have enjoyed myself in life w men. Many of them have tried to friend me but I shut it down. Therein lies the difference between me, a fucking adult with interests beyond Facebook posturing and wanting the world and everyone in it to think I am a pretty pretty princess, and this lunatic. The amount of time she spends on fb, or thinking about fb is cray. Leave the house! Read a book! Get a fucking hobby!

Plus? Once you cross the facebook-friend-line with an ex-lerver so many things are ruined. What could be ruined you ask? Well, the memory you have of the rock-hard abs, smooth-skin, full-lips, and steamy, summer evening is ANNIHILATED with the cold, hard truth of 20-years-gone in a click of the ‘pictures’ tab. So little is left to wonder anymore. I also prefer to remain a ghostly, good memory in the sands of time of some of my exes. (Time has not been my friend either, so…)

exactly…I am kind of sad for the young ‘ungs who’ll never do a trip across some other continent and have great memories that last forever wondering and knowing there “out there somewhere” but never knowing their lifea nd what became of it. Most of the time the “knowing” is a let down. Better keep them preserved, as you knew them then.

True but there’s also the fact that you can make good, close friends. I spent a month in Europe studying a few years ago and keep in touch with at least four of them to the point that I’m travelling to see one in a few weeks and the others have come to visit me.

But then again, I’m also not Donkey and I don’t friend guys I’ve been with on Facebook. In fact, I don’t even save their phone numbers after it ends. Why give myself any excuses for drunk texts?

flings with a hot italian named something I don’t recall on the Spanish steps?
traipsing around France with a blue eyed, dark haired Irish singer?
flurry of drunken fumbling with a long haired German hippie?

This is a neurotic, entitled and incomprehensible thing to say. As if people want to “keep in touch” – hahaha!!! She needs help. Her world view is an augmented, enabled extended childhood- I can’t even use the word extended adolescence.

What in GREG’S name is this? In such a happy, fulfilled relationship – “I love him!!!” – that she’s bringing up rejection by people she previously had sex with? Yeah, sounds about right/normal. There has to be trouble in paid-for paradise for sure, as her latest tweets and fb behaviors have been bat to the shit. Also, Julie, take the damn hint – you’re the crazy chick who was a hit and quit, simple as that. They are clearly NOT INTERESTED in actually being friends with you beyond that night or handful of times. They probably got the inkling of bunny boilerism and WISELY went screaming into the dark night, and they’re especially not going back there after you put your crazy on a wider stage. Nobody needs that shit.

Theorizing… she’s in a tailspin because she has no choice but to spin this into ~*the greatest love of all*~ (thanks, Bravo!) when he – despite her claims to the contrary – doesn’t even meet half of her insane checklist. It’s hard enough for her to spin that as being truth when the proof of it being anything but is EVERYWHERE, from his (original, non-donkey-edited) reading list to his general random musings on the interwebs. She will be forced to continue recognizing this with every passing day and will therefore continue sabotaging the relationship accordingly until his programming career gets in the way of her own “career”, but he leaves the door open and they continue to be in each others’ lives as people in perpetuity.

From last thread (that I’m not even halfway through yet) apparently there was a Halo book heavy reading list; now there’s apparently a new, separate list for the guy that’s full of donkey’s favorite self-help authors. “Well-read”, indeed. All signs point to SHAM.

My theory is that she was so ready to rub our faces in her hot new man, but when we cut him down to his actual size and started picking apart their “relationship” (and if we’re doing it here, you know the people in her life are thinking the same thing), she realized that she needs to try harder to fool everyone, but this is the best she can come up with because she’s not really smart.

Instead of trying to do something with her business and be entrepreneurial for once (something she complains about wishing she had done more of in her life), she got a “boyfriend.” And no one was amused or impressed. And she’s back pedaling now, again.

This is tragedy all the way around. I don’t see any hope for the sister or her surviving children (unless they’ve been adopted?), but it seems like Kayla is trying very hard to get her act together to get Sunny home and be able to keep the new baby. Am I wrong? I pray for those crazy kids.

I do the exact same thing. Some people think it’s harsh but I do it to protect myself from the inevitable hurt that comes from knowing they are still out in the world doing things without me. I have to explain this to people. And then if things are cool down the road then we can be friends. But if it was a serious relationship that resulted in heartbreak (or if the person was unhinged) then I have to delete him from my life to move on.

Oh God. It causes so many problems. I consider myself a relatively sane human being (and I rarely go on Facebook) but there have been times when some random chick has tagged my boyfriend in a shit load of pictures and I’m like “Um. WTF?” You don’t even have to go looking for trouble since they changed it to where when you sign on everyone else’s activity shows up on your home screen.

I was friends with one ex boyfriend from long ago — and my conscience bothered me because I knew it would bother my husband to see it. Defriending him was my way of closing that off. As it turned out, the old bf started flirting with me through emails, such that I had to ask him to stop writing altogether. Just made my life feel a little tidier to have that avenue closed off.

I’m friends with a few exes on FB but mostly ones from years ago or who were more FWB situations than actual boyfriends. I haven’t dated much since my fiancé died a couple of years ago, but the one person I did date who’s on FB, I rejected his friend request.

Point being: if it’s someone I’m genuinely friends with, I’ll be friends on Facebook. It has nothing to do with whether I’ve added them to my fluid tree (how a good friend of mine refers to sexual histories). I think at this point Juliar’s fluid tree is a weeping willow.

That’s what really rings the alarm bells for this whole thing being a sham. I don’t know if she thinks it’s a techy Carrie Bradshaw-esque musing but it just screams that she’s still obsessing over men who haven’t had their dick wet by her in years.

I don’t get what she’s doing. He has Christian, church-going parents, from the sounds of it (the older brother definitely is). So if he’s told them he’s dating this lovely woman from a reality show, hoping desperately they don’t find out about the blowjob confession, she’s basically just showing her ass on Twitter now too so that it’s just a matter of time before major parental/familial alarm bells start blaring. Every single fucking day since she did the OMG OMG BIG BOYFRIEND REVEAL OMG OMG she has Tweeted something semi-horrifying.

Refuse to friend me on Facebook? Oh really. How does one REFUSE to friend another on facebook? I could see an ex refusing to accept the Donkey’s repeated friend requests, but simply not adding her as a friend is a passive act. Nice choice of words, Julia. So sneaky! So dumb!

I started to unfriend a few people and got text messages and emails asking why. I shut down my page entirely over a year ago. Can’t say I miss it. I just don’t get why she needs global rejection. I still think her parents have to be worried about her.

I notice that when I take people off my page they often ask me to re-friend them. Recently I gave in out of indifference and weakness and just got a message saying “glad we’re friends again.” This from someone I barely knew in high school who was using Facebook to contact me regularly. She’s a straight woman and I’m female, but it still seemed stalker-y. She does this to other people too. ugh, Facebook.

FB needed to come up with a message that states you currently aren’t accepting friends at this time (like an old school busy signal). I had people I hadn’t said two words to since high school making comments on everything I posted. I have a lot more free time since I got rid of FB, (well, I did at least until I found this page). Funnier than fb with one common bond of disgust, it’s a win win for me.

Ok not to sound like a total bitch but how dare they interact with you online or comment on your posts?? Come on…. Maybe there’s more to the story than that but maybe some people are just lonely or have a really boring job or are awkward IRL but better behind a monitor. Doesn’t mean they’re stalkers (above) or assholes for commenting on shit you post.

@Bitchface, I agree, but that’s the weird thing about FB. There are some people whose posts I regularly comment on, because they post funny stuff. Most are cool with it, but sometimes I leave a comment and get a weird response from the OP.

One time, some guy who went to HS with me, wrote an update saying something like “Why are these ASIANS on the bus speaking RUSSIAN.” I commented that Russia is part of Asia, and got the longest string of ridick comments from him and his “boys.” Like, excuse me for pointing out the obvious.

Some people on FB are weird about people commenting on their updates. My thinking is why bother adding people who you don’t want to hear from in the first place? One guy once commented to me in a post: Alexandra, thank you for commenting, but I don’t appreciate you disagreeing with me about this.” The topic was Whitney Houston.

I also despise this assumption that somehow facebook is about real relationships instead of being (for the Donk, at least) an exhibitionist showcase of the parts of your life you want others to see.

I stopped using facebook regularly in college, so I’m not fb friends with a lot of people who have become RL friends since then, but that doesn’t mean those people aren’t important to me or that we’re somehow not as close. I’ve also been dating my (hot, rich, & OMGemployed) boyfriend for more than two years now, and we’re not linked on facebook.

Not that you have to be (or should be) close friends with people you’ve had sex with (ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP, JESUS), but facebook is a stupid way to gauge your closeness to someone.

Also, yes, Donk, wake the fuck up. There are men who are probably still scrubbing their dangly bits years after having sex with you because the memory of the clam dungeon gives them nightmares. They don’t want to ever be linked to you, on facebook or otherwise.

Absolutely batshit insane, as though every wallet she jumped, even back during her Georgetown days (hint, hint, Julia), is obligated to JOIN Facebook and friend a pelted donkey whom they barely remember and wish they could forget. And this is what you post to the public, to a handful of pathetic fangirls, when you’re so OMG! in love?!?!

A “relationship expert” who wouldn’t advise that it’s healthy to move on. Nice.

Can you imagine if a trained therapist told you, “You’re in a new relationship? Great! Now why don’t you contact a few exes to see if they still like you? That might boost your ego in a really healthy way.”

I remember one day getting a Facebook friend request from an unhinged ex. I texted a mutual friend to say “Oh I guess Ryan’s marriage isn’t working out so well” kind of as a joke. My friend wrote back that he’d filed for divorce that day. He literally Facebook friend requested me from the parking lot of his attorney’s office.

He was the Julia in my life and probably why I became so fascinated with her in the first place. Only relationship I’ve ever been in where I walked away feeling like I’d escaped a burning car. And he still tries to pull shit because he is OMG good looking rich Harvard graduate who cannot FATHOM a woman shutting it down permanently , so I know how Jack, Jakob, etc. feel. It has NOTHING to do with love. It’s all ego. That’s the thing Julia doesn’t understand. She doesn’t love these people. She just wants them to want her and can’t deal when they don’t.

I just never responded. He showed up at my apartment a few times (When I wasn’t there. Doorman shut it down) and finally I sent him an email spelling out why he was an unhinged crazy person, all the shitty things he’d done to me, and that under no circumstances was he to ever contact me again.

Six months later he drunk dialed me in the middle of the night and left a message like “So.. you’re email was pretty clear that I should never call you again…” Um, yeah.

Luckily that was a year ago and I haven’t heard from him since. But if I saw him on the street I’d totally turn and run like Jakob did from Julia. He’s not physically dangerous, but that would absolutely be my instinct. In fact I’ve had visions where I’m walking down 2nd Avenue and do just that.

And he is absolutely the type who would go on Twitter and be like “I CAN’T BELIEVE THE EX LOVE OF MY LIFE TURN AND RAN FROM ME ON THE STREET. I AM SUCH A VICTIM.”

Shiverrrr. I had an ex stalk me when I was in my early 20’s. There were no laws to protect me or anyone else when this happened. He followed me, stayed parked in the parking lot where I worked, drove back-and-forth in front of my house, called relentlessly. Though he threatened to kill me if he had the chance, there was nothing that could be done until he actually acted on it. I stayed with my parents because he was terrified of my father – moreso than of the police. Ugh. It was long and complicated and since I’m posting here, obviously things worked out. Point being that once all was discovered and revealed in court, he had been watching and following months before he made his first contact (leading to the open terror). That incident is THE defining thing when or if I decide to post pictures on fb. It’s always there reminding me that we never, EVER know who is watching. Stupidly, it took a few years for me to realize the same, or even more, precautions need to be taken when online. When I google myself it turns up harmless stuff – except for the devil Spokeo and its ilk. Better yet, when I google my birth name, it’s a page or two of an author making a name for herself before it even hits on me.
The world is a scary place. Watch yo’ ass.

I had this exact same experience in my early 20’s (even down to the fact that he was more scared of my father than anything else). Luckily a restraining order made it all go away (months after it began). But the phone calls, the late night pounding on the door, the threatening to kills themselves, it’s all so routine for these types.

And so manipulative.

That’s why the Donk cannot be excused. She is not a nice girl who’s gone a little nuts – she is someone who cannot come in contact with another human being without trying to manipulate them in some way.

The extra terrifying part is that she feels absolutely no shame. (Regardless of what the Lala said). Any slightly rational person would be embarrassed to admit that. And yet, she’s practically bragging.

Aside from medication, I truly don’t see anything fixing this sociopath. Ever.

God, I know. He is so much like Julia it’s frightening. NO way he ever loved me. I just crushed his narcissism by telling him to GTFO. He kept circling back because he couldn’t get over THAT. Nothing to do with loving me.

I think she also wants to try to convince the exes who dumped her that she’s changed and grown since they rejected her. I will cop to going through a similar phase at about her age when I could not accept why guys would dare to reject me, because I’d put so darn much effort into trying to be as perfect and pulled together as I could be in every way I could think of. I believe she just wants validation that she is still desirable by ALL THE BOYS because she has not grown up enough yet to feel OK about herself, regardless of which guys pay attention to her or not.

She needs to learn that life is about more than men and sex and romantic fantasy. Marriage is hard work, people cheat, have substance abuse and money problems, half of marriages break up. She is going to have a rude awakening if she doesn’t make a life for herself that can stand alone regardless of having a guy in her life or not, and she has to stop treating guys like status symbols and props that are only there to service her sucking vortex of need.

This is just so sad, I can’t even laugh. Seriously, I’m trying to come up with something witty, but words fail.

Let’s say she’s just joking around, or making a biting statement on the fleeting, disconnected nature of modern relationships. WHO POSTS THIS? Just PRETEND that you are so content and fulfilled right now, your memories of past sex partners are not even relevant.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, or one of them crazy feminists, but as a woman with some pride, I would never friend-request someone just for approval. I wouldn’t let them think I cared. Because I wouldn’t care. We had something, now we don’t; move on.

Can you imagine the number of men who disavow any past connection with her, in the hope of ever attracting a sane woman? That could be on many women’s lists: #1 Has never a donkey. #2 Great sense of humor. #3 Kind and compassionate.

Get over it Donkey. I know the concept of “thinkin” might be a passport to a foreign land you’ll never know, but even my friend who’s a well-seasoned (salt and pepper-haired, on top and below) truck stop lot lizard will tell that’s Hoe 101 and that ater you’re done baby wiping a guy’s jizz off your forehead, you take your payment of a wadded up ten spot, a half pack of cigarettes, a pocket sized bottle of Listerine, and a petrified cum-soaked belly button lintball, and you proceed to properly, as my friend used to say (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the point), “Fuckin’ damn bitch get the fuck over it already and move on before you get arrested.” You get my point.

A spoonful of poon might help your crazy juice go down the gullet of many of your temporary prisoner-boyfriends, but trust me Donk, no guy is targeting you in his rear view mirror and jackknifing a u-turn on the Freeway of Life to go back and get you after he’s already had SEX (all caps, shudder) with you. See Donk, we all know you’re super unique and special (just like every other person in the world you dumbass). However, there’s apparently a red carpet full of guys who’ve effed that forgettable donkey gash and don’t want anything to do with you anymore. That’s embarrassing enough, so stop pounding that fact home into our faces on your Twitter.

Loves it. “Come all quiet and shit!” MISS YOU MUCHO. Figsy, SS, gumbz, cakez, KS, mcdiz I am eyeing you all right now because it’s about to get real up in here. Anyone new who would like to join, feel free, we can arrange in catchat. <3 I can haz dramatic readings?

Then she fucked that right up by specifying that she was referring to the “men from [her] past”. WHICH extremely happy, fulfilled individual in a relationship has to mention such people in any way, shape or form if everything’s sunny in donkadelphia? Yeah, absolutely none.

yes! Also, I detect a note of forced “chirpy cheerfulness” in her reply, betraying a bit of sheepishness at being called out as a “relationship expert” who ignores a very common occurrence which is honoring your current relationship by not being in such public contact with exes. Certainly it doesn’t look good to be braying about it in a twitter post.

She is loony tunes. What a 12-year-old girl, tweeting about bickering with your parents. God. Lock yourself in your room, refuse to come out for dinner and listen to Taylor Swift until your parents go to bed.

If she’s really upset with them she’ll slam her door and blast Skrillex while sobbing into a pink pillow shammy and slamming her junior high Monchhichi doll against the flowery headboard of her daybed.

Seriously, she has gone from “guy I let stick peen in me won’t keep being friends with me!!!!” to “omg, parents are soooo annoying” tripe. FFS Julia, you’re 30-gregdamn-1. Enough with the high school teenager schtick.

Right? When I read that tweet I was surprised. Momsers might be politically conservative but she doesn’t strike me as naive at all. She’s endured 31 years of JA, FFS — she would undoubtedly welcome any form of escape.

I can’t get over the face that she’s going to burning man to make miniature statues of herself, after taking endless pictures of herself in 3D.

WAIT – this might be the end of one JABA the Donk. I’m not at all sure she’ll be able to handle seeing herself in 3D without having a full on breakdown. I guarantee she avoids 3 way mirrors like the plague.

The noticeable jumps all happen from June 16 (+4,350 new followers THAT DAY) to July 20 (+6,824 THAT DAY). Prior to that, she averaged around 15-20 new followers per day and since 50-70 new followers per day.

For comparison, a real Twitter celebrity like Alyssa Milano with 2mil+ followers averages 1,000-1,500 new followers per day on the high end. And she’s on the suggested user list for new sign-ups to Twitter.

I think she’s putting up a strong offense because she is coming home not the conquering hero and new media darling of Bravo on the heels of her smash hit show. Instead, she’s dragging her broke ass home, a total, publicly humiliated failure at EVERYTHING. Totally WASTING her big opportunity.

exactly. it’s easy to convince mom and dad she’s queen of the internet, the olds don’t understand that new technology.

but everyone knows and gets “reality show loser/freak show”. the most liberal mother on earth isn’t going to be proud that her daughter is talking about blowing a guy on tv–and actually referring to it as a “blow job” to boot!

Imagine what all those fantastic moms with their fantastic sons thought….The shame factor must be huge. I’ve always considered myself a pretty liberal parent but if that was mine who humiliated the family like that (and especially at fucking 31 years of age! FFS)… Poor Robyn, I’ve always felt for her.

Just as well Donk’s got Goat Soap with her (he must be running low on cash by now), there will be less difficult conversations.

Also, would love to be a fly on the wall for the Dadsers/Goat Soap one-on-one.

Heh. He’s a sacrificial lamb goat at this point — D0nkey is taking home the obvious non-choice “partner” so as to distract Mom$er & Dad$er from the real issue, ie: her truly whore-rendous hosebeast persona revealed to the masses.

In an effort to save face, Julia convinces the front ender (who she may have been casually dating / boning / attending weddings and grifting seminar parties with) to play the part of boyfriend.

She was freaking out over her unhappy ending on Miss Advised, didn’t want to look like a TOTAL loser, so made up the narrative of finding true love after filming wrapped.

She could have easily persuaded his gullible, fame and money hungry ass to be her boyfriend on Facebook, etc. under the guise of pitching their own show or “co-starring” in season 2.

If she really had a boyfriend, was in the honeymoon tailspin of falling in love, her behavior would be TOTALLY different from what we’re seeing right now. We’ve seen that before, we know what it looks like.

If I were obsessed with twitter and Facebook, and were actually in the first stages of an all-encompassing new love, I’d either be tweeting/posting about him all the time, or so enchanted by him and being with him, that I’d lose interest in that obsession for a time.

What an INSANE thing to put on one’s twitter feed when you’re supposedly so in love. Also, I don’t believe it “just occurred to her” (a clear attempt to give it a lighter touch — like she spent all day loving up her new soulmate and delivering meals to shut ins , etc… then just came into the kitchen to get a diet coke when it SUDDENLY occurred to her that her old fuck buddies aren’t FB friends!!!) — I think she has obsessed about it 24/7 for quite some time.

Maybe–and I realize this is a stretch–she’s trying to friend the ex’s because she wants to SHOW THEM she’s so happy with goat soap. Neener neener jellyd! I’m dating a code monkey now. Or Michael, who, guaranteed is not her fb friend.

That was my first thought. She’s pissed they’re not on her friends list so they can see that she’s finally found the greatest love she’s ever known and it wasn’t them, those assholes who had the gall to dump her.

O/T cat peeps.
There will be demonstrations around the globe on Friday in support of Pussy Riot. I’ll be attending the gathering in my city. If you’re so inclined, check out what’s going on where you live and stand up for these feminist bad-ass women and raise your voice against repression of artistic expression everywhere.http://freepussyriot.org/

Who gives a shit? – which would be the same comment I’d give to about any of her tweets. It must be embarassing to put your whole life out there on twitter, fb, etc., right? I think the internet is her only friend.

I give this guy another month or two before he flees the scene because she’s nuts — or because he realizes that he isn’t straight or is done playing her beard for her “many fans”.

i love how she writes sex in all caps as if to imply she did these people a total favor by banging them. what surprises me is that she didn’t have them sign some sort of legal document beforehand promising to friend her on fb and twitter, and worship her on the internet every day thereafter…

Amy’s book is AW-FUL. Literally, it’s filled with worthless advice like: “you should look nice if you’re going on a date, don’t wear the same clothes you wear to the gym…” I mean really, it’s 100% pointless drivel, but at least she got something out there. Show ends, and BAM – her book’s for sale.

And here’s Donkey, thinking about, maybe, perhaps, someday attempting to have a ghostwriter create a book for her…someday…maybe…maybe not.

I’m a writer (as I’m sure many of the catladies are) and I make a living writing books, and it is SO FUCKING HARD. I don’t usually complain about it because hell, it’s the job I chose and I love it most of the time and also my covers are pretty *pets*, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t really, really fucking hard to sit down and squeeze out 90,000 words that other people want to read. (Granted, I write fiction and she writes about…herself, but still!!!)

I hate it–HATE IT–when people are like, “Oh, I’m going to write a book someday!” Writers write. All the fucking time. It’s not something we do “someday.” It’s not something we stop doing because we have “writer’s block.”

Argh. If I ever meet her and she calls herself a journalist, I’m going to give her a really good reason to get a new nose.

I agree it makes me sick to see Lauren Conrad “write” a book and it sells enough for her to “author” a second book. It used to mean something to get a book published. Now you just hop on a stupid reality show, sell your soul and get a book deal.
Gimme, I think it’s amazing that you make your living that way. Working on my first book and would be happy that someone other than my parents read it.

Actually, awkwardness between people who have had sex in the past but have moved on to others isn’t unheard of. In fact, that’s one of the definitive awkward situations in humanity. Not saying it’s true for everyone, just saying it has the potential to be awkward. So to declare that it’s just “WRONG” and “weird” is something very ODD for a “relationship expert” to say. A relationship expert would be the FIRST to understand that it’s a possibility.

“It’s not like we stop thinking when we enter a partnership!” (from her tweet above)

Will someone please explain to this whackaninny that it’s necessary to START thinking about something before you can STOP thinking about it? Also, now she’s too good to consider anyone’s observations who even bothers to tweet her anymore (a great business marketing tactic btw dung for brains), dismissing Claudia with an immediate ‘Nah’ when when all Claudia was doing was pointing what’s obvious to most commoners, which is that it’s slightly ODD to gauge control of your life’s progress by how many of your exes you’ve got blackmailed or on Facebook lockdown.

All of this is really making me pity the prison full of guys who’ve dipped their dicks into that dirty, witless pit of donkey kerosene she calls her pussy.

I’m no prude, but thinking about Donkey having sex and all the grossness involved is one of the biggest turn offs I can think of. You know how in that (strangely awesome) movie Think Like a Man, one of the girls tries to keep herself from having sex too soon with a guy by wearing granny panties?

Yeah. They should all just try thinking of the Donk. Instant turn off!

yeah….if Dadsers has any snap at all, he knows that Julia just blew the biggest chance she had to make it on her own and finally get off his dole. He’s probably crushed and embarrassed that the entire country (not to mention his friends and colleagues) now knows what an incompetent moron his daughter is. Oh, the shame of it.

People give too much information when they are telling lies. (I’m staying for a week), not an important or relevant part of the tweet, just giving information to add to the lie. Think she’d have learned the less said the better, because she can’t keep her lies straight.

Yes! And shots of the airport carousel and a sign on the Dan Ryan Expressway don’t count. “My beloved Goat Soap on a Rope had never seen bags come down the chute before and so I took this picture to commemorate our O’Hare luggage and donkey feed retrieval.”

Well, Donkey, maybe these former sex partners are ‘a mess’, just like you declared you were on the last episode of your show. (And I do mean LAST). Why is it now appropriate that you summarily declare THEM “wierd” and “wrong” for not FB friending you — yet you expect others to just accept and love you unconditionally as a loveable “mess”? My puzzler is getting sore over this double standard of yours and how it’s supposed to work.

Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison:
My parents are driving me crazy and I haven’t even ARRIVED in Chicago yet (I’m visiting them for a week). UGH.

Right! I’m sure she’s never frazzled her parent’s nerves so bad that mom had no choice but to start sprinkling crushed Ambien on her own morning Muselix, and dad was forced to double his nightly visits across town to see your “Uncle Raul”. By the way Donk: Your “Uncle Raul” called and wanted me to tell you that when you get off the plane in Chicago, he’ll be waiting for you at baggage carousel 1, where he can’t wait to plant his foot up your arse and teach you a lesson for embarrassing his man, I mean, your dad, with all your frantic low rent Hollywood antics.

Right, I’m sure her parents are the ones who are bothering her and never the other way around. Too much. This bitch is tackier and wackier than a moldy churro rolled in glitter-batter and deep fried to swap meet imperfection. I take that back, she’s more like a neon macrame wall hanging collecting dust on the bottom shelf of the sale rack at the back of the local mall’s Spencer’s gift store.

I’m just wondering who paid for plane fare to Chicago. Think Donk and G. Soap pulled a magical “double grift” somehow? You know once that plane is in the air, Donk will tell Goat Soap Soup she’s going to use the restroom, and 45 minutes later he’ll have to go looking for her, only to discover her, snuck into an empty first class seat, passed out cold, slimy donkey drool oozing down her lobster bib.

I will rely on more experienced Donk spectators/commenters as to true inception of “Raul”. When you google “reblogging donk raul” there’s a bunch of comments about him. From what I’ve gathered from reading, “Raul” is her father’s alleged “super special man buddy”, though I also like the idea of using a “Raul” as generic slang for a closeted older man’s gay loverboy.

Raul was born on a vast cattle ranch in Argentina in 1957. When Raul was 7, his father died, whereupon his mother immediately married her longtime lover, a Chicago orthodontist (“I thought no one but Jesus could fix my snaggle-teeth, but there he was” she fondly recalls), and Raul grew up dividing his time between Chicago and Argentina (“moving from winter to winter”). After obtaining a B.A. in divinity at Notre Dam, cum laude, he drifted for a time, working as a lighting assistant at Studio 54, living on a commune in Vermont, and selling elaborated tooled leatherwork in Chelsea. Eventually, Chicago called out to him — well, his mother did — and he returned there to open a small art gallery for Thomas Kinkade. The gallery was an enormous success with art lovers from Chicago’s northern suburbs, and one quiet, sunny day, the door opened and there stood a dream in pinstripes…

That said, I am friends with most of my long-term exes on Facebook. Because we’re actually friendly in person and all. “Friendly” as in “if my husband and I happen to be in their city, we might all get together for a drink,” not super-tight because that didn’t turn out to be how it rolled.

But that’s because I actually liked these people, I didn’t just think of them as walletprops.

Not that these Twitter metrics often mean much, but Donkey’s FAR score indicates she has LESS influence over her followers than the AVERAGE TWITTER USER. Her score is 4 out of 10. Such a social media expert. Excuse me while I die laughing.

Is there a way to tell who has bought followers, aside from a sudden increase? I thought I saw someone post a site the other day where you could see which percentage of someone’s followers were bots or bought…

I found that link a while back (when she first started #cheesyshilleting and the price per tweet was about $65 at that time, I think. I guess this clears up why she bought so many ‘followers.’ It doubled her rate (that still basically no one will pay).

Forget the fact that she appears to not only have personal body dysmorphia and ex boyfriend obsession, but more and more it strikes me as flat out Life Dysfunction. It’d be easier if she were an actual crackhead because you could at least throw her in a detox, but alas, she’s free to roam the world (PRISON is a place where donkeys run free… thanks Donkerena), so how do you solve a problem like this donkey? She’s a neanderthal with a 21st century monster ego, to whom the concepts of honest and reasonable behavior are just silly, indecipherable hieroglyphics on a dark stone wall in the back of her head. The only thing she knows is clubbing men on the noggins and dragging them back to her proverbial cave.

I have no doubt there is some sort of behavioral disorder driving her actions. She really does need help. And NOT from a British mind architect. She seems to have some form of a personality disorder, like many other people. I really think she would benefit from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy — “Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) treatment is a cognitive-behavioral approach that emphasizes the psychosocial aspects of treatment. The theory behind the approach is that some people are prone to react in a more intense and out-of-the-ordinary manner toward certain emotional situations, primarily those found in romantic, family and friend relationships. DBT theory suggests that some people’s arousal levels in such situations can increase far more quickly than the average person’s, attain a higher level of emotional stimulation, and take a significant amount of time to return to baseline arousal levels.”http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/an-overview-of-dialectical-behavior-therapy/all/1/

Interesting. Perhaps it could benefit her, if she EVER thought there was anything wrong with her. I’m thinking at this point tranquilizer dart or stun gun therapy are Donkzilla’s only hopes before she ends up grabbing helicopters from the sky and tearing the top off the Empire State Building.

Off topic, but I would like to report a case of Facebook cray involving none other than my Ex.

Said Ex was the picture-perfect boyfriend for over a year. Well into his 30’s, complete Ivy League prep, lawyer at prominent firm. DONKEY would have DIED to get this guy.

I found out he was doing some pretty ghetto shit behind my back a couple weeks ago. He was done. Unlike Donks, I don’t tolerate bad behavior for the sake of having an arm candy. Then what happens….drum roll…..

This thirty-something, Ivy -educated lawyer sends out a f*cking group message, involving 8 people who are MY friends in real life. First paragraph asking to stay friends despite out break up – sure whateves, I am not one to the possessive about my friends. Second paragraph involves a COMPLETELY FABRICATED STORY about how and why we broke up. It was actually not just untrue but also demeaning.

“This shit cray!” I yelled at him only this weekend, and I totally wanted to tell him that even Julia Allison – this girl I am on a hater blog for – wouldn’t have stooped so low and so creeps. A fucking group Facebook message?? Well, I was wrong.

In sum, my picker was off. I was mos def dating the male Jules for the past year.

ugh….so sorry for your tumultuous weekend — and last year. Once again proving to look deeper and act with self-respect when you see something wrong. Egos like his (and Julia’s) don’t process rejection well. I think sometimes the best pedigreed “catches” out there are the ones who are the most effed up. Congrats on your freedom.

Precisely the reason I never went for those staunchy, uptight lawyer types. And why I don’t have a Facebook. Some say greed and the love of money is the root of all evil. I disagree. Social networking is the root of all evil. *makes the sign of the cross*

I truly would like to get out of FB, but I have relatives, old classmates and friends I like seeing pictures/news of. What I am doing is weaning myself to once a week or so — I would so love to be off it altogether, though.

I just stumbled upon this glorious creation on my interwebz after watching the psycho hosebeast (who, incidentally, tops Courtney Love in my book, and I thought that wasn’t possible) on MissAdvised. How did I go so long without this in my life? I am thoroughly amused and very much addicted to this blog.

And, I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t say this. FuckedFace? No. No, she looks like a man. She looks more masculine than my fiance, who is the epitome of effortless manliness and machismo. Also, she is batshit crazy, and not in the funny way. Can we not send her in for a 5150, like they did with Britney when she lost her mind? No? Ah, come on, please? She seems like she’s a danger to herself and those around her. Especially after slapping that poor terrified man through the face, after what I believe to be two dates. I don’t care what she says, he was petrified, men who have been happily dating someone for three months don’t look that scared of said someone showing up unannounced.

Also, I feel the need to comment that if she dislikes the term “blogger” so much, why does she write a “blog”. Why is she on social networking, shamelessly promoting herself like a “blogger”? Yeesh, I hate blogging, and I make no bones about it on my–wait for it–anti-blog. Which is hosted on a writing site with my novel, and various other works. Then again I find that social networking is the devil, and I don’t think just anyone needs to be up in my business, but hey, I’m sane.

I’ll bet you’re a far better writer, too! When she corrected that guy (after the bike ride date) and said “I prefer the term journalist”, I about fell off the couch laughing. The girl can’t write a word…

I actually think she can write OK. Not great, but certainly she has a passable style for most of the sugary/frivolous kinds of websites she would stalk for jobs. The problem is that her pieces are completely devoid of content and invariably she shifts the focus to herself. Plus there’s that whole missing deadlines thing.

But even when she did the recent video interview segments for the hi-tech companies, she dressed and made herself up so inappropriately that the viewer’s attention would invariably become focused on her and not on the people she was interviewing. I don’t think she’s capable of toning down her narcissism and histrionic personality disorder enough to change. She has the contacts now to do something but it’s going to require a serious (wait for it) paradigm shift on her part. I don’t think she can do it but it will be fun to watch her try.

Chiming in to say welcome! I like your observation about her competing for attention with her interview subjects. So true. I’m not a writer or journalist, but in my civilian mind, I perceive a journalist’s job as presenting a story or interview, not trying to hog the spotlight or act out in a hammy or distracting way.

It’s especially obvious during Fashion Week, when she badgers and stalks that poor photographer (from Getty? I can’t remember her name) to take her picture, hops in front of step and repeats, and generally makes a nuisance of herself. She isn’t there to tell a story, she wants to be the story and IMO that’s not journalism.

Now, let’s try this AGAIN (since it does not want me to post again apparently…)

Thank you so much for the compliment! I’m going to link my page here, in case anyone wants to check out my work–it’s not much, and I know it’s probably not that good, but I’m pretty freakin’ proud of what I have. Flash would be the novel, if you’re interested in reading.

So I went to a college that has a Drag Ball as probably the biggest event on its calendar, and there was an ongoing conversation/rant about how the guys would really go for it, often with these INSANELY theatrical costumes (I remember one year during the runway show this guy I knew came out with this enormous Scarlett O’Hara style ballgown with a latex vulva on the front…that he pulled an American flag out of), and meanwhile women would usually either halfass male drag or just go dressed kinda slutty. Anyway, there ended up being a really interesting conversation about how if drag is about gender as a performance, then a cis woman doing female drag as a really exaggerated performance of femininity could potentially still count as drag…anyway, all of this is a really long way of saying that I think Julia Allison is often performing female drag, in that she is wearing/exhibiting markers that she doesn’t actually possess in real live.

That said, I think that’s a viewpoint I’d only say around people who got that using “drag queen” in that context isn’t meant as “HA HA HA BECAUSE MEN DRESSED AS LADIES IS FUNNY.”

I agree, LOL, a donkey dresses and adorns herself in such an exaggerated way, it’s her idea of what femininity is that any drag queen (who are known for going over the top with makeup, hair, and costume) would pull Julie aside and ask her to take several seats with her masquerading self.

Also, where did you go to school? I wish we had parties like that at my school!

To Robin’s credit, she was probably bullshitting. Every time JA talks about cooking it is obviously bullshit. Remember when she swore she used to cook constantly, but not anymore because NO ONE cooks in NYC? And Mary asked what she cooked incredulously and JA responded, “salads.”

For people who can’t make it worth a damn, try “Wholly Guacamole” (it’s my go-to when avocados are pricey or the selection is dicey, plus, the hometown company is kind of my hero for how much they give back to the community).

I think they probably want her married off as quickly as possible just so she can STFU. Though, jesus christ I pity anyone involved in the planning of that monster shitshow. She’s NEVER GOING TO SHUT UP ABOUT HER WEDDING, before during and after. She’s going to seriously fucking explode. I cannot even imagine how many pictures seh will take. Shudders.

Last night I was having the drinks because I was trying to screw up (pun intended) my courage to do a CL Casual Encounter but ended up getting too drunk and passing out with people texting and emailing me “SO YOU COMING OR WHAT” and now I have a hangover and am working from home and they are doing construction in my hallway with a tablesaw and nail gun and I have to finish a proposal for a 4:00 client meeting and I just want so very badly to make it all go away.

There is no reason to subject a boyfriend of five minutes to a fucking weeklong meet and greet with your parents. Jesus fuck. I hope the poor fool has been to Chicago before and doesn’t expect this jackass to know where the cool places and things to do are.

“You’ll just love Hub 51, Dev! Did I tell you that one of the owners wanted to date me?! Oh, I did? I told you several times? Well, anyway, we can definitely get free drinks because they’ll treat me like a star!

“No, I’ve never been to The Art Institute? Why would you want to go to that silly place when we can hop on a plane to Houston and go to Hunter’s gallery. More free drinks and we can refresh ourselves in the public lavatory!”

Speaking of OVERSHARE, why is AMERICA’S NEXT TOP SECOND DATE BLOWJOB QUEEN going on a talk show (Ricki Lake) to talk about social media and oversharing, two things she knows A LOT about, but unfortunately what she knows is COMPLETELY WRONG!

Do people still share their ideas with them? She obviously steals them and presents them as her own. That text-app that wouldn’t allow one to send a text for a certain amount of tine was sourced through twitter for her appearance on Alexa Chung. Remember how she said during some VH1 shit-series that some guy texted her once “sex tonite yes ot no?”http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/68898645

I thought I saw Goat Soap while I was waiting for the L this morning. I must be paranoid since I read that they are apparently going to be in Chicago for a week. Then I realized they probably will hardly be in Chicago-proper at all. And further realized even if they were, there’s no reason Goat Soap would be waiting at the Western Blue stop at 8 a.m. Guess it was just some other poncy skinny guy in cigarette pants.

From bravoratings.com: “At 10pm, ‘Miss Advised‘ aired it’s finale, which retained just 38.58% of its RHoNY lead-in. 556,000 (0.3 demo) tuned in and that meant the overall season average came in at 573,750 and 0.26 demo. This show never seemed to hit the mark, and while the negative attention directed at cast member Julia Allison, seemed to have drawn many viewers, at Bravo Ratings we’d be surprised if a 2nd season is commissioned. With this show airing at 10pm as WWHL’s nightly Tuesday lead-in, it has also hurt the ratings for WWHL as only once during its 8 week run as WWHL rated in the nightly Cable Top 100 shows.”

Did I read here that there is speculation that Silex is behind the bravoratings.com site/cite/sight? I just read they are going to be on a marriage counseling show – same one as Courtney Stodden. I CANNOT WAIT.

I love how the more you think about some of the offhand bullshit she says, the stupider it becomes. Happens every time. Why, god, why would anyone want to be friends with every person they’ve had sex with? It’s just SEX for some people, sometimes. Even if it was a love relationship, not every goddamn ex has to be a pretend friend. The amount of validation she needs simply for existing is just very sad.

And the more you think about it, the more her schtick is just pitiful. First off, sane, mature, single people need not be told whether or not to friend an ex on Facebook? Beyond that, where the hell is her “advice” being doled out, anyway? It isn’t!
When you think of the awesome accomplishments that people can accomplish by age 31, and then you think of sad sorry Donk (ringing DonkSAD… haven’t seen you in a while!) trying and failing to write a guest blog for Elle.com for eight weeks and then spinning, spinning, spinning… well, darned if it ain’t the most pathetic posturing I’ve ever seen.

I think she bills herself as a dating columnist a la Carrie Bradshaw with all the trite soul-searching personal essays and insights- “what is it about men that makes them refuse to wear matching Halloween costumes?”

The first eleventy times I saw this NYE photo, in all its full-coverage, Maidenform glory, I cringed at the exposed granny bra, but hadn’t really noticed her back legs. My word… size up, indeed… her left haunch! Good lord.

Honestly, Amy and Emily are actually doing things to try to capitalize on their semi-fame from Miss Advised. Donkey? Nothing. Perhaps Momsers pointed that out and that’s why she’s fighting with her parents and fantasizing about drugging one of them. Lazy asshole.

What about chemical toxic CRAP such as CUPCAKES? What about THC, a chemical in the POT BROWNIE she wants Mom$er to eat? What about the ALCOHOL she sips? What about ALL THE CHEMICALS she injects in her face?

That boring one where she had 17 each of three different items? Yeah, D0nkey is ALL about fresh food, eh? But no, her dead-on-the-vine (see what I did there?) site / sight / cite isn’t getting any hits from moi.

I think one reason Julia is fuming and spinning her wheels is that she thought this show was going to air in the fall, in the same line at Randi ZOMerberg’s show. Not in the dead of summer. And naturally, she’s spent these past few weeks slobbering over a guy instead of actually writing something (ha, I know guys) or promoting her personal brand (she doesn’t seem to know how to do this for herself anymore, except flippantly suggesting she’s a cautionary tale). Now it’s over and her shelf life as a “reality star” is rapidly nearing its end. There will be no second season and she knows it.

She blew her chance, again and with even more fanfare than I could have predicted. Probably shamed and irrevocably damaged her relationship with her parents in the process. Amy and Em are out promoting themselves, and Donkey is limited to webcasts with Ricki Lake, publicly sabotaging her new relationship and pretending to be someone she’s not (pot brownies? Oh Donkey).