Thursday, May 27

It has been haunting me , some-times appearing in front of me in neon lights, for the past 25 hours, non-stop.

Why?

Maybe I have hit the self-destruct button. Because all the supposed strides that I am taking on the path of success has been a way to escape what I have no energy left to face. But not facing means avoiding it, never moving past it and the knowledge of what actually is happening is not helping a tiny winy bit.

I have been DEE DEE (Dexter's laboratory fame) for a long time now[remember "Oooooo WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?"], pushing all the buttons, bright and shiny, that show the promise(however insincere) of fixing things, without really giving it a thought.

I had thought being reckless is just a trait that saggitarians have. But i guess there is a difference between being reckless and being a mindless cartoon who wears a pink tutu all her life and loves unicorn!

I don't know if I would stop being so reckless about important decisions of my (emotional)life from this moment on or not.I seemed to have lost the ability to control certain things, certain events and certain affects on my stooopid brain.

But one thing that I know I am certainly going to do is go eat some amazing dessert, RIGHT NOW! Taro cake! here I come.

Talk about being reckless.

p.s(repetition#1): The lack of posts here is because I am on a trip (read less time for introspection and contemplation which I am fond of)and hence concentrating more on my travel bloghttp://amropali.co.cc/

Tuesday, May 18

For some weeks now I have been watching a TV series Incessantly - House M.D.
Whether it be at 3 o clock at night or 7 in the morning; before class, after nap, in between assignments, on the fight, while waiting at the airport.

Why this series attracts my attention so much is because Gregory House, the protagonist, is grossly imperfect and yet defines what it is to be so unhappy, so much in pain, so flawed, so human and still have a life where in spite of all that one has reasons to look forward to the next day.

The last year has been an emotional roller coater for me. I have had ups the level of Mt. everest and downs the as low as the 18th level of hell. But I have somehow(phew!) gotten through. I don't think half of them are even worth talked about even with my closest friends. I just have to bear it out and remember not let myself be numbed coz to miss the experience, even the pain, is to miss the most important moments of your life. "To err is human" they say.Polithinks: 'to feel is human. To err,well, is to'. what is life but an assimilation of moments felt and remembered.

So like a soldier, proud of the scar gotten on the battlefield, I wear my wounds with pride. I think at times I get overwhelmed and obsessive about them but I am what I am.They define me. I , like House, have a cane(not literally, duh!) which i would not let go. I am not perfect and don't want to be. Perfect is boring and is independent in the absolute sense. This independence would definitely take the fun out of living. I am working on my flaws but there are some which I can't change even if they embarrass me or get me into trouble more often than not.

Anyway enough blah on flaws and imperfections. This blog post is a dedication to House and the effect he has had on me.I have finished watching all the seasons and waiting for the latest episodes. A part of me is sad. I did not quite want to start the last episode for I new about in an hour I would run out of events from House's life... Okay I am getting more sentimental than I am allowed to be for a fictional character. I would like to take this opportunity to Thank House for the lessons which I never thought I would get from some stupid American TV series. But I guess one can learn something from everything around them. remind's of my Prof's quote(see the end of the post)