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Thursday, April 29, 2010

I've been wanting to share about losing our unborn baby but until now, it's just been too painful to put into words. And there are so many emotions that come into play that it's hard to really share about what happened. About my feelings, my fears, my doubts, my baby. The following is the email that we sent to our friends and family. Some of them didn't even know we were expecting yet so it was a hard email to send.

Hi Family and Friends ~

Most of you knew (and some of you didn't) that we were expecting our third baby on October 8. Yesterday we had a routine exam at the OB and the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat. I still felt ok about it because I was still throwing up every morning and felt sick most afternoons so we thought that was a good sign. We then had an ultrasound done and we saw this beautiful little baby without a heart beat. The ultrasound showed that there is still blood flow to the placenta so my body is still making hormones like I'm pregnant which is why I haven't had any spotting, cramps and I still feel sick and pregnant. The doctor told us that because there is still blood flow to the placenta that my body may not pass the baby for for 1-2 months (and I would be "pregnant-sick" most of the time). That's why we decided to have a D&C (dilation and curettage) today at the hospital. I'm far enough along (15 weeks) that it can't be done in the clinic and would have to be done at the hospital where I will have full anesthesia. Then I'll be at the hospital for a few hours and go home. There are some risks but for the most part it's a pretty routine surgery.

Please pray for me as I have my procedure done and pray for my husband and I also as we grieve this loss. Thanks so much.

The next several posts will contain more details about the day we found out our baby had died, the day of the procedure, and the days following the procedure and all the emotional, physical and psychological effects of losing a child. I hope that other women who have lost their unborn babies can relate and feel like they are not alone. Thanks so much.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Who: our 4-year-oldWhen: Jan. 18, 2010Where: Home, when lying in bedWhat he said: Son: “When I get 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, no 10, then I will eat a lot and [my little brother] will stay home and I will go on a date, like you and mom.”Dad: “Oh, so when you turn 10, then you will go on a date like mom and dad? Who will you go on a date with?Son: “You and mom. And when I am 10, then [my little brother] will go on a date too.”Dad: “So, when you are 10, [your brother] will be 8, and then both of you will go on dates?”Son: “Yeah.”Dad: “Well, you and [your brother] can’t go on dates until you are 16.”Son: (laughs at me like I am joking with him)

Who: our 4-year-oldWhen: March 10Where: in the kitchenWhat he said: “Mom, this is a perfect sandwich.” About his PB sandwich for lunch.

Who: our 4-year-oldWhen: March, 2010Where: Usually at homeWhat he said: When [he] is disappointed about something, sometimes he goes “Stinkers!”

We've been keeping track of these funny little things on a Word Document all the while looking for a book to record them in. We thought about a generic notebook, but I wanted something special. I found a book by Amy K. Rosenthal, she's one of my favorite memory-keeper-authors, so I went with her book, Words to Remember, and I really love it. We'll have to remember to put the Who, When, Where (and Age) down but I like her style. Another great book that we checked out was, My Quotable Kid, another great way to record your child's funny thoughts, sayings, and ideas.