Beulahland

BarFly's Review of Beulahland

A perfectly decent bar, really, with liquor, alt-diner cuisine, supremely attractive bartenders and their scores of admirers, but most fiercely loved by the articulate rockers native to the area. A SHARP element exists, but nobody’s bitten off a nose in years. Spiritual home of a certain sort of Portlander - overeducated, underpaid, studied-casual fashion, fey badinage bumping up against unreconstructed punk ethos, member of a few bands and beset by eccentric, slightly-dangerous hobbies (it’s home of the Portland Adult Soapbox Derby). For the occasional band, crowds swell to roughly 8000 percent capacity.

Reader Reviews

WOW! You people really need to get over yourselves. It's a bar. Booze, Food, Music, and People. If you don't like it, don't go. If you do, enjoy. I for one have never had an issue with service or the staff. The menu is like most PDX bars, marginal at best. But you don't go there just for the food. Enjoy it while you're there. If you don't like it, don't go back. I have been to lots of higher rated places that have shitty service and terrible food and to downright dives that have the best food in town. Eat Drink and be Merry for tomorrow...

Reviewed Anonymously by TJC on April 19, 2011, 10:12 am

Weak Reviews

What food and drink do they serve at this public house? Gossip about people that work there and customers doesn't state anything about the place. What's a hipster nowadays? Is is someone who acts or dresses a certain way? Do hipsters act arrogant, is that it, is the definition based upon dress, such as wearing 1950s style glasses and clothing, and perhaps rolling up one's pant legs?

The reviews here are biased in favor of social stereotyping rather than the food, drink and entertainment at a public house.

Reviewed Anonymously by These Reviews Are Biased on December 29, 2010, 9:45 am

Getting Your Feelings Hurt While Getting A Beer.

Since so much of this is about people, and not food or drink:
HUUUUUUUM. ...hemmmm..how do you SIGH really hard in print? Will you S T O P for two freakin seconds worrying about what everyone thinks of you? Or what you're thinking they're thinking of you? And then, MAGICALLY...people will stop thinking you're not cool enough. SERVING SUGGESTION--- and I don't mean the food: IF you feel what you are expressing here---reread your post---that you're "Not cool enough"...BE COOLER! It's NOT THAT COMPLICATED. You KNOW how to BE (NOT "LOOK": BE) cooler. I KNOW you do. Otherwise, you'd be utterly oblivious to the whole damn' thing, and you'd be at Red Robin. You're just scared. And unfortunately, yeah, some of the people who've found the nerve to at least TRY to be what they really want to be (and whatever that is, is really their business/issue/burden...) --especially if they are young--get impatient --wait:'get defensive'-- with people they can see, or feel, are being SO DEFENSIVE, which, we ALL agree,--IS NOT FUN for anyone (and misses the point of going into a social situation, instead of going home with a much cheaper 6-pack.) Anyway: to the extent that they are being UPTIGHT about YOU being uptight, they are failing at this thing that you yourself admit is elusive--reread your post--and you can feel SORRY for them for FAILING at truly being cool!!! Now the tables are turned! Now you can drink that beer, that was supposedly what you wanted, IN PEACE. Because..you don't think people should be judged for failing at being cool enough, right?? Reread Your Post. Please. Life is hard; none of us asked to be here; everyone has their story... so: just cut EVERYONE the same slack: in other words: DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE ASKING FOR FROM OTHERS. Be tolerant. Don't expect perfection. And suddenly, no matter how you dress, or how old or cute or dirty or (scared) you are, you WILL BE COOL !!! And people will feel it, but most of all, YOU WILL feel it. Score: 0 to 0. You are HERE!

What people hate is seeing reflected in another person what they hate or fear in themselves. You KNOW that. Drink your beer.

Reviewed Anonymously by yeah, that jackie, only bigger on March 28, 2010, 10:22 pm

i always know where to find my boyfriend

i've lived in the neighborhood of Beulahland since the week before it opened. i've been going there on and off for years and i have always enjoyed it. i'm not a hipster but i am intermittent regular (if that is possible) and a friendly person. from time to time, i agree, the service is dodgy, but i chalk that up to the servers' inner lives and i don't take it personally. when they're nice to me, it's not because of how i look or how i'm dressed and when they're rude or inattentive, it's not because i'm rude. if you need a server who's bubbly all the time, try Red Robin, but that kind of service freaks me out. if you are impatient or have different expectations, maybe this is not the place for you; don't sweat it, just go somewhere else. overall, Beulahland is my favorite bar in Portland. i think the most appropriate description for Beulahland is authentic and unspoiled. Come to think of it, Beulahland is a microcosm of all the things i like about Portland...things that seem to be harder and harder to find...like Portland, it's not for everyone (and if it's not for you, consider moving on rather than reshaping the town to suit you), but if it is for you, it's awesome.

Reviewed Anonymously by tweetie on March 25, 2009, 2:06 pm

hmmmm...

First off, the food here is excellent. Mac n' cheese is to die for...although my favorite is the pattymelt with their housemade gardenburger substituted for the beef patty.

As far as the service goes, unless you've spent hours perfecting your hipster sneer and agonizing over the ideal placement of that tear in your skinny jeans, prepare yourself for some seriously shitty service. It seems the more polite I am, the worse the service is. I actually sat at the bar on the non-smoking side timing how long it would take the bartender to give me my food that was sitting right in front of me, but just beyond reach behind the bar while some oblivious hipster sat right next to me letting the exhaust from his chainsmoking engine drift not-so-pleasantly into my face. It took 10 minutes, in case you're wondering.

I recommend ordering ahead and getting your food to go, unless you wear the kind of clothes that got my ass kicked on a regular basis back in junior high. And don't, under any circumstances, use the restroom...you'll lose your appetite in a heartbeat.

Reviewed Anonymously by A. Nonymous on January 5, 2009, 7:15 pm

2nd favorite bar

Like the title says. Honest staff, GREAT mac and cheese, decent booze selection, knowledgeable regulars, cute female patrons and good decor. Great for reading and being indoors on a bad weekday or getting a glass after work. Great DJ's to boot. Too bad I have a hard time getting up early to watch some Euro Footie. This place needs to hire me for one door shift a week!

Reviewed Anonymously by Joe Cheese on December 27, 2008, 8:52 pm

Never a problem...

First heard about the place from Brian Beyond who usually works the door. Stopped by for a Northern Soul Night (last friday of each month). Have never had any stress, always good sounds. Yeah, the service isn't always top notch, but in hipster infested I'd rather wait five minutes for a beer at Beulah than all night at MuMus. I go as often as I can, which is rarer than I'd like.

Reviewed Anonymously by WillieLee on December 27, 2008, 12:58 pm

Get lost

As if every bar in the world doesn't have regulars that are "elitist". If you don't like a place, go somewhere else. This place has been around for a bit, and although there seems to be a lot of complaints about the staff and patrons, if you aren't a dick, you won't usually be treated like one. It sure sounds like a lot of people are whining because the bartender didn't coddle their ego, or the female (or male) patrons didn't insist they take them home. I am glad you folks don't like the place. At least it will be safe from your type of douche-baggery.

Reviewed Anonymously by John Traynor on June 14, 2008, 12:36 pm

My fave place in town

I've been coming here for years to drink, mainly, but I've eaten, played
trivia, and met a lot of people here too. The mac and cheese is 4 bucks
and extremely tasty, and you can get a good dirt cheap breakfast here
without waiting in some godawful line with a bunch of yuppies on Sunday
morning. What is it about Portland and brunch? Waiting in line for
brunch is for suckers. Eat here, and then you don't have to go anywhere
if you want to start drinking heavily afterward. It's pretty damn hip, but
even hipsters smile if you give them compliments. Try it!

Reviewed Anonymously by barhag on March 17, 2008, 6:32 pm

its allright

A long time ago the staff used to be somewhat ornery, maybe they still are, but I think they are like most people if you are nice to them they will be nice back, especially if they've seen your face around. Beulahland has a unique sort of character, sort of like red wine or the grateful dead you have to learn to appreciate it.

Reviewed Anonymously by Billy on February 2, 2008, 8:04 am

Shithole

I've taken shits that have a better personality and service than the douche bags that work at this place. I should have gone without a shower for about a month and wore a wool stocking cap and I bet I would've received great service.

Reviewed Anonymously by Cocksman on January 27, 2008, 10:27 pm

re: nobody wanted you there anyways

wow. what a lovely response. if the is is the sort of character of someone defending this place, do you really want to go?

Reviewed Anonymously by kell on January 27, 2008, 9:45 pm

nobody wanted you there anyways

if they made you wait in line that long, there's probably a good reason for it. oh and wait- there's actually no line at beulahland, nor should there be at a bar. you frequent a bar because it's one of the only places that can legally show you preferential treatment you dumb bitch. stick to your wine bars please.

Reviewed Anonymously by beulahbitch on January 4, 2008, 7:09 pm

almost ruined new years

I've generally found this place to be good, but less than great service. NYE 2008, though, was terrible. The place wasn't THAT packed, but was seriously understaffed. I got in line, about 6 people in front of me, to get a midnight champagne toast at 11:35. There was a lot of cutting in line, which the staff did nothing to curb. In fact, it appeared that the owners were dominating the bar, helping friends cut, oblivious to the long lines to get a drink. It was incredibly frustrating. At 11:55, I was somehow about 7 people behind in line. So, we left... Fortunately the lovely wine bar next door was nice and accommodating and we were able to get some champagne with minutes to spare. I'm not going back to beulahland.

Reviewed Anonymously by kell on January 2, 2008, 12:42 am

see patrick...

this "28th regular" fella knows what i'm talkin about. i know this is your beloved bar but i think you're the one giving this guy trouble. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

oh and one other thing. next time you see my fat doppelganger with my lipstick on, please take photo immediately and send my way...i'm starting a book.

When I walk into this place I feel like I'm the not-so-cool-kid that walked into a raging party, uninvited, and unwanted. All I ever really wanted was a fucking beer. Guess I'm not "cool" enough to drink there.

I've never been treated nicely by the patrons or the staff and the place is a dump. I can't believe the staff or the regulars of this establishment have the gall to be elitist pricks to anyone who walks in that is not a part of their stupid little bar clique.

It is a bar, it serves alcohol. It has tables. It's dirty and it stinks. Woo fucking hoo - you just described every dive in town. Now can I please have a fucking drink without getting the stink eye because I have the audacity to breathe in your general direction?

I'd rather sit at Chopsticks, it stinks, it serves booze and at least the regulars there will either be nice or just ignore you...instead of making you feel like an asshole just for existing.

Reviewed Anonymously by 28th Regular on December 12, 2007, 2:45 pm

you're an idiot

who gives a shit who's cute or not (although, i don't mind a pretty face) it's not the reason i go to a fucking bar. sounds like marge sucked a little "d" and maybe got it stuck in her "a". Point is, this place is cold, un-inviting and serves weak drinks. i've tried and tried again to make this place grow on me and it just doesn't.

Well I guess you antismokers have got your way in Portland now. But please, don't bitch when all the fun people are out front having a smoke! Also, perhaps you could get better service if you were more kind to your service provider. Attitude is everything! You reapt what you sow...
As far as no cute "boys" serving drinks...for starters they are Men and you must not have ever seen the owner or the manager! Way "cute" in my book! I always stop at Beulahland when I visit Portland. It's a great place for good food, good drinks and good fun...what is the noise about a "smokey" "not clean enough" environment? It's a Bar for gods sake!

Reviewed Anonymously by Marge on November 27, 2007, 10:02 pm

Sunday nights

This place has one of my favorite event nights in town on Sunday nights. They do this Music Video dj night that, for intents and purposes, is the single most-fun night I've been to in this town in years. I'm the kind of retard that likes to get drunk, sing along and act like a general retard when a video comes on, no matter how embarrasing it may be to whatever particular track is playing. The last time I was there, it was the most glorious selection of videos, old and new and I had a great time. I've been there for other nights, and its a great bar otherwise. Sunday night however, is the night to go and be retarded. I love it.

I worked down the street and drank here twice a week for a year or so...and still the "locals" thought they owned the place. In this way this bar really did feel like some backwater Alabama watering hole! Finally sat in a "regular's" seat, she poked me with her pool cue, and threatened me - wow - last time I step foot in this bar of insular rejects!

Reviewed Anonymously by S. Grapes on August 6, 2007, 1:47 pm

Used to be

I'd come in every week when I lived in the 'hood. Good place to enjoy an afternoon pint. Gets a bit dicey as the evening fills the place up. Glad to see they have booze now. Never had a complaint about the food, servers or patrons as a whole. Good people. Does get very smoky, true. All in all not a destination kind of place, but if you're on 28th, stop in for a drink and try not to be more concerned about the "scene" than you are about your own good damn time.

Reviewed Anonymously by S. Grapes on May 30, 2007, 2:30 pm

SKA on last friday?

i thought Pete spun on first friday ...
haven't been to it lately ... maybe he
changed his schedule. he spins great stuff
though

I love the friday night dj stylings at the end of the month. Beulahland gets a bit smokey,not too bad though. Sounds great! SKA!

Reviewed Anonymously by marie on September 28, 2006, 5:27 pm

hate it

What I think is that this place needs to be condemned. Its disgusting. This is why the kids who do go there like it. For anyone who's not particularly fascinated with grungy, mildewed, stoned, 20somethings who have "earnt" their ged, don't bother with this place. 28th has a few good restaurants, but Beulah's is just a place for grungy rocker wannabees to swill beer.

Reviewed Anonymously by scott wilson on May 28, 2006, 9:37 am

Wise Up!

Good grief, this place is so NOT cool! I am an "eruptor" from Fructopia; my glands have insignificant verbiage holding their own discourse. Tsch..Tsch! A suitable well-drink sputtered posthumously.

Reviewed Anonymously by Phantom Toper on May 22, 2006, 4:31 am

SHARPs

SHARP = Skin Heads Against Racial Prejudice

the guys have absolutely nothing against violence

but if you don't mess with them, they won't mess with you
unless you're a racist/nazi

and if you like Ska, little Pete will throw you a few bones
on first Friday (along with Rocksteady and Reggae)

I noticed in your review you left out the fact that Beulahland is also the home of the SHARPS (skin heads against racial violence). In general a happy crowd but at times can take over the mood of the bar and make you feel like you entered a private club you dont really want to belong too!!

Reviewed Anonymously by Katie Mefler on August 31, 2005, 4:05 pm

great

it's my local, and I'm lucky

Reviewed Anonymously by sf on August 18, 2005, 5:02 pm

Oh hell no..........

First off......The boys are not cute, nor have ANY manners........
The food sucks! I ordered a grilled turkey and cheese sandwich (simple enough!), and it tasted like they cooked it in their piss. This place is dirty and sucks ass.

Reviewed Anonymously by NegativeNancy on August 10, 2005, 12:33 pm

greatmusic&greatbeer

anywhere with good taps and giant sand is perfect...and the staff is cool.

Reviewed Anonymously by Kurt on August 1, 2005, 3:30 pm

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