Why Some Athletes Could Never Have Real Jobs

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre
Dawson on being a role model: "I
wan'all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to
me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when
asked about the upcoming season: "I
want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever
comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super
Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Football commentator and former player
Joe Theismann, 1996 : "Nobody in football
should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University
of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate
on time, no matter how long it takes." (now
that is beautiful)

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football
coach: "You guys line up alphabetically
by height." And, "You guys pair up in
groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson
hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why
would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He
went to prison for three years, not Princeton ."
(This one is clever.)

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself
above his locker: "That's so when
I forget how to spell my name, I can still find
my clothes."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the
Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the
morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball
player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared
nervous at practice: "My sister's
expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going
to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his
IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on
a former player: "I told him, 'Son,
what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
( My favorite)

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas
A&M, recounting what he told a player who received
four F's and one D: "Son, looks to
me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum
Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his
wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:
"Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."
(Dead man walkin' )