“Critique please” –part 2We posed a question in Part 1. Why is it that in business, sports and other fields people are ready to accept critique and in the ultimately more important “field of life” they aren’t?[1]One possible answer is that deep down people hate critique in those fields also but the field demands their acceptance. When someone joins a sports team or business he knows that he will be coached and critiqued. Part and parcel of his decision to be on the team is his resolution to receive criticism[2]. However when it comes to life no such decision seems necessary; therefore the natural antipathy to critique reigns freely. This is a pesach for the ovaid who wants to improve in this area. He must appreciate that to really succeed in life one needs critique. Once one lives with that realization, then, just like the businessman, he can make the decision to accept critique. Another answer is that we aren’t thinking deeply enough. In our deeper recesses we know that many things are more important than sports and business but we don’t consciously think so. There was once an ad for a famous stereo that stated “because the music matters”- TV, ads, social media and newspapers scream to us that those things matter but being a good person, parent, spouse, eved Hashem doesn’t. For the things that “really” matter we will accept critique but not for the lesser things. Accordingly, to improve we must focus on what really matters and then we will naturally be prepared to accept critique.Another point. In Part 1 we defined three major categories of dealing with critique- rejection, consideration, and acceptance. Actually, there is a 4th category; the “critique seeker”. One who so clearly sees the value of critique that he not only responds well to it (as in “appreciative acceptance”), he even seeks it out and asks others for it. This would be a sign that one has reached the level which Chazal teach is one of the קניני תורה –אוהב את התוכחות[3].(in Part 3 we will find 3 sub-categories in the critique seeker)

[1] From Part 1 “For example, the same businessman who happily accepts criticism from a junior associate gets extremely angry when his wife gently offers input about the amount of time he spends with his children. Is child rearing less important? In truth, that same businessman would tell you his child’s upbringing is supremely more important than how his business is doing”[2] It is possible that once one has made his decision to receive critique he learns to appreciate it and even seek it out. The initial hate turns into love.[3]פרקי אבות פרק ו'(Please send comments and questions, to rdsvaad@gmail.com.)If you would like to receive these Avodah thougths every 2 weeks sign up at http://rdsvaadim.com/subscribe/