It’s not enough to say that women love Mr. Darcy. Women are obsessed with him.

The character was always a beloved hero for literary buffs, but Mr. Darcy took on an almost frightening life of his own after Firth played him in the 1995 BBC miniseries adaptation of Pride & Prejudice. Since then, Jane Austen adaptations have become more popular than ever. Not only that, but there’s an entire sub genre of films and stories about Jane Austen fanatics meeting their Mr. Darcys (Bridget Jones’ Diary, Lost In Austen, Austenland).

Mr. Darcy has a hold on the imagination of women — but why? If I poll random dude friends on this, they joke that it’s because he’s rich, aloof, and handsome. There’s also a convention that the source of Elizabeth’s attraction to Darcy is because he’s mean to her. If you google “Mr. Darcy” on Urban Dictionary, you find that he is defined there as the “principle character from Pride and Prejudice who is very proud yet is the ideal man despite this. Also, any amazing guy who, although he sends mixed signals, is worth getting.” There’s yet another theory that asserts that Darcy’s allure is all about his bank; I once sat through a lecture in college where an esteemed professor explained that Elizabeth Bennet only fell in love with Mr. Darcy after she visited his estate and saw exactly how rich he was. Finally, one of my guy friends thinks I just like him because he’s hot.

Women might be obsessed with Mr. Darcy, but it would seem that just means that the character is terribly misunderstood.

Darcy starts off as proud and aloof. As a rich man, he is separated by Elizabeth Bennet by society’s conventions that tell him that he is superior to her. However, Darcy doesn’t stay cold, he doesn’t stay aloof, and by the end of the story, he doesn’t hold himself in higher regard than her. So, Mr. Darcy’s ultimate appeal isn’t rooted in the fact that he’s rich, British, or kind of mean. Women love Mr. Darcy because he transforms himself for love.

Elizabeth doesn’t fall in love with Darcy because of his wealth; she falls in love with him in spite of it. She only starts to reassess her opinion of him once he begins to reveal the motivations for his rude actions and once she discovers that he is a kind and thoughtful person. Without giving a full summary of the book, miniseries and films (because if you haven’t already, you should read it, watch it and watch all of them), the last act of Pride & Prejudice is basically Elizabeth discovering that Darcy has taken all her criticism of him to heart and is seeking to atone for his mistakes. In turn, she has to look within herself and decide if she can also be forgiven for misunderstanding him.

Pride & Prejudice isn’t a story about opposites attracting; it’s about two people who were always alike discovering this in spite of how society tried to separate them through classism, sexism and archaic rules of decorum.

But let’s get back to Colin Firth…

Other great actors have played Mr. Darcy to critical and fan acclaim. Matthew McFayden played a gave a sort of socially awkward take on the character in the 2005 film adaptation and Sir Laurence Olivier infused his performance with his trademark hauteur. But why is Colin Firth’s performance so definitive?

Firth not only nails Darcy’s initial haughtiness, but he slowly and carefully reveals the inner romantic soul. It’s subtle, but he starts off with a hard exterior and over the course of the miniseries, melts into a super sweet teddy bear. And then there’s the wet shirt thing…

Jane Austen never wrote a scene where Mr. Darcy went swimming in a lake and then ran into Elizabeth Bennet while he was still wet. Screenwriter Andrew Davies put it in his 1995 script because he wanted to sex the encounter up. The scene perfectly encapsulates not only the erotic pull Darcy has on the female psyche, but it also gives Elizabeth a chance to see him literally dressed down. He’s no longer hampered by the trappings of status or decorum. He is just himself. And he obviously loves her. The scene is a metaphor for the growth in their relationship.

Also, women love this scene because it’s just plain hot.

So, yeah, okay, maybe some of my dude friends are right. I really just like Colin Firth — and Mr. Darcy — because he’s hot. But I also think that what makes the character so seductive isn’t a wet shirt or a big bank account, but that he lets love transform him into a kinder person.