It’s our first date and I literally don’t care about your college major, or how long you’ve been in the city. I don’t care if you only drink aged whiskey or how lame you thought new Superman movie was. Please stop talking about your favorite hockey team and how it’s such a small world because we both know so-and-so. Please, please, please stop rambling about any information I’ve already stalked on your Facebook and LinkedIn pages. Can’t we just skip all the bullshit small talk and have a real conversation. There’s some stuff I’m dying to know about you, but I’m not Nell. I wasn’t raised in an isolated cabin, so I know better. But here’s what questions you could answer that would make this happy hour a lot more valuable (for me, at least):

1. Are you actually looking for something serious, or will you jerk me around for a while?

2. Do you have mommy or daddy issues?

3. How important is hygiene to you?

4. Do you have a secret child?

5. How much money do you make?

6. Do you have any STIs that I could contract?

7. What age did your Dad go bald?

8. Can I take a picture of you to send to my friends?

9. Do you have any weird, sexual fetishes I should be aware of?

10. Can you lift up your shirt for a sec?

11. What are your biggest insecurities, and how many weeks until they come out and strain our relationship?

12. Would our children have any chance of developing a sixth toe?

13. Are you actually funny?

14. Are you one of those people that always has a stuffy nose?

15. You’ll eat junk food with me, right?

16. Can I see a picture of your ex-girlfriend?

17. Do you have a job waiting for you in North Dakota?

18. Do I really need to pretend to reach for my wallet at the end of this?

To paraphrase an earlier commenter, how many women are willing to answer any or all of those questions. My personal experience is that it is women who express displeasure with the questions men ask on dates than the reverse.

I agree, that way we can get it out of the way off the top. A woman like me can say “No.” and we can end the date right then and there. No hard feelings. Just be honest about it. I can’t stand when men waste women’s time by wining, dining, and acting like they want something serious when all they want is sex (basically being liars). Keep it 100 from jump and we don’t have a problem….