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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

About to Live

My Mema and I when I was two or three :)

My 16th birthday is coming up soon, and all of it has really just made me depressed. I know, I know. I should be so excited because I'll have a car and it means that I'm growing up and all of that, but honestly... it scares me.

When I was ten years old, I started the count down to my 16th birthday. Every year on my birthday, I would say: "Just six more years! Just five more! Four more to go!". But now it's just a few weeks away. And the college countdown has begun. It worries me so much that in just a few years I'll be gone. And I know I'll never actually come back and live here, my dreams are too big for that, but there are so many people I'll miss.

As I was looking over the guest list to my party, I got really depressed. Here, on this piece of paper, are twenty people. Some that I don't know that well, some that I want to know better, and then there were the people I've grown up with. The people that understand references to things that happened two years ago, the people who understand references to second and third grade. The guy who never fails to let me copy his geometry homework. :) Thanks Zach, for always enabling me to be the slacker that I am.

Anyways, as I read over the list, my heart started to feel heavy. All of you that put up with me and this blog, should understand by now that I am a very sentimental person. So just thinking about how many people I call my friends made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

Thanks, all of you. Those of you that have been with me and stood by me through thick and thin through all of our goofy adventures. My friends mean as much to me as my family does. It took me such a long time to find friends that I knew wouldn't hurt me on purpose.

Seeing how fast my 16th birthday came around, I have a perspective on how short life is I think.

In fifteen years, where will we all be? Will we be happy? Will I still talk to my best friends every single day? Or will I have new friends, and will I only see my high school friends at reunions? I refuse to accept that.

I won't ever replace you. Sure, I might have more friends, but you will always be so special to me.

Especially my very limited group of girlfriends. We've been together through acne, crushes, rejection, the occasional stalker. You've seen my hobbies grow into passions, and you were with me when my guitar teacher made me sing. You all knew how scared I was :) I remember how terribly my back was shaking when I got up on "The Sacred Stool" that first time. It probably looked like I was crying :)

But now I'm over that. Sure, I still hate getting up in front of people, and I hate public speaking, but I'll work on it. The point is, I love you guys. I know it must have been a real challenge to get me to talk when you first met me, but that's how I guess I'll always be. I've always been guarded, but with all of you I'm not.

Paige, Elizabeth, Dylan and Kimberlee, you've all seen sides of me that most people haven't and I'm so thankful for that. I love having friends who love me even if I have a horrible laugh, easily lose my train of thought, skip through topics at random, and even when my alter ego shows up.

So here's to hoping that in fifteen years, when I'm living in Australia and working on my latest novel, we'll talk every week :)