It's hard to hold back the tears when a beautiful bride walks down the aisle, especially if it's because she's locked thirty of her (former) friends in a chapel so they can endure an American Idol miscarriage, while her yes-dear fiancé smiles politely, praying their insurance covers shattered stained-glass windows. Because that's what the holy union of two beings is really all about--exploiting your eternal love so you can waste your whole honeymoon browsing the comments section on Youtube.

The night ended in a far more traditional manner, with the female guests gathered to see who would catch the spit-soaked microphone.

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