Tuesday, February 10, 2015

My friend shook her head.
(This exchange took place via email, but I could feel the headshake in her
reply.)

"This makes it sound
like you have a hard time thinking about kindness.”

“But…I do."

I do have a hard time
thinking (and writing) about kindness.

Almost immediately I feel
hokey and preachy and self-conscious.

Self-consciousness leads to
worry. Do I receive and give enough
kindness? How much is enough?)

Worry leads to judgment. What about other people? Is kindness the
fundamental nature of the human species? No, look at all the horrible things we
do to each other. We’re awful. I’m awful! No hope! No hope…

Seriously, ask me to
meditate on kindness and in 10 minutes you will find me a quivering mess, miserably
clinging to her blankets like one of Harlow’s poor little monkeys.

So it helps me to think of
kindness as water.

We need it to live and
thrive.

Kindness is not simply a
single element, but a molecule – a combination of ingredients held together by
simple, but powerful bonds.

It’s a “universal
solvent.” In my experience,
virtually everything dissolves (maybe not completely, but mostly) in the
presence of kindness.

Kindness can change states,
sometimes quite rapidly. Under certain conditions it may be fluid, solid,
ethereal. It’s impossible to hold in one’s hands.

Over the years of our lives
the average rainfall of kindness we experience varies. We’ve all known times of
drought – desolate, tan, and withered times, green, lush, plentiful times,
times of excess when it felt we might lose our footing – get swept away or
drown in the floods of giving and loving.

Kindness can be a result of
our environment. Perhaps you live and work in a place where the climate is
predictable. Perhaps there are wild swings in the atmosphere. Your home and
work may even exist in completely different microclimates – just a mile or two
apart. You thrive in one place; shrivel in the other.

Exhale on a chilly day and you may see the water
vapor of your breath for a moment, but it quickly dissipates and becomes
invisible. Pour water into the soil and it will be wicked away before your
eyes. Where has it gone? Will it stay where you put it?

Some of it may.

I pour water into a glass for someone I love. Some
of it nourishes that body, helps it thrive. Some of it leaves. It is breathed
out of their face. It seeps out of their skin. (Look at my sweet one exuding
watery kindness!) Some of the water doesn’t even make it into my beloved. During
the act of pouring some sloshes onto the floor (I can be very sloppy), maybe
splashes the person sitting nearby.

Some evaporates right into the air. The molecules
disperse. They soar into the atmosphere. They gather with other droplets from
other sources and high above me form clouds that grow heavy, wet. It is
possible that it may rain right here in my own town, but more likely, those
droplets (at least some of them) will travel miles and miles before they shower
down in a far away place.

It helps me to think of kindness like water.

It helps me to remember with every sip I take in to
feel nourished.

It helps me to remember when I sigh with the
satisfaction of my slaked thirst that those same molecules leave my body. With
every breath I can send kindness out into the world. And perhaps, a million
miles away, someone parched and desperate may turn her face toward the sky as
the first drops of rain begin to fall…

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About Me

Kerry has worked as a massage therapist since 2005. She received her initial massage training at the Palmer Institute of Massage and Bodywork. She has advanced training in Oncology, Prenatal, and Thai Massage.
Kerry is a member of ABMP, Oncology Massage Alliance, National Lymphedema Network, and is a preferred provider of the Society for Oncology Massage.
In addition to practicing massage, Kerry has been a massage educator since 2005. She has taught courses in Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, Research, Clinical Reasoning, Prenatal Massage, and massage for people in treatment for or with a history of cancer.
Since 2000, Kerry has also worked as a yoga instructor, specializing in Vinyasa, Prenatal, and Chair Yoga. She holds 200 & 500-hour yoga teacher certifications and is recognized by the Yoga Alliance as an Experienced Registered Yoga Teacher.