Thirteen Men and Me: My Dating Life in 2018

As he looks forward to 2019, Michael Jortner takes a look back at the year past

Ann-Margret sang it way back in 1962, “Thirteen men and me, the only girl in town.” It’s a catchy little ditty. One guy “sweetened her tea,” while another “buttered her bread.” Wonder what that could mean.

My tale is a tad different. FYI: Names have been changed but everything else is true

4. Jose. 48. Hot. Networking event. La Peer Hotel. WeHo. Super turned on. He has a boyfriend. Month later. He’s single. In bed. Controlling. Robotic. Just a body part. But, oh what a part. I shoot for friends. With benefits. Still mechanical. At a party. Months later. He avoids me. Within a few hours. His text: “Sorry.”

6. Dray. Early 50s. Drag show. Sunday night. Toucan’s. Palm Springs. Puts the moves on me. I pause: Do I want to go home with him? Answer: Yes. Muscles. Dark skin. Big _____. Dominant, naughty role-play. “You want me to f— you every time you come to Palm Springs?” Yes! Pick him up for dinner. “You’re late,” he says. “I don’t like guys who are late.” But I texted I would be. Sometimes life happens. His bed. Again. Fun. Again. But he’s rigid. And I don’t like guys who are.