HOW DO YOU KNOW HE’S THE RIGHT GUY TO MARRY?

04Dec

How do you know he’s the right guy to marry?

I only want answers from people who are still married and happy or people who never been married. The reason I’m asking because I see so many divorces now days, makes me wonder if there’s even a point to get married.

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Best Answer: You are right that there are so many divorces now-a -days. The main reason for these divorces going northward is non-adjustment of the couples. These are attributable to various reasons like financial stringency, non-compatibility due to not understanding the needs of other partner, maladjustment due to excessive pressures from other members of the household (if in the joint family) or any other local unresolved issues. Here, the fault lies especially with the boy who does not foretell everything that is worth telling to his future wife which becomes cause of heartburn after marriage.

Both the spouses should try to understand the needs and aspirations of each other as each of them are important cogs/constituents of marriage to last or lost. My experience tells me that girls are bestowed with more patience/tolerance by Mother Nature as they have to move to new set of environs and have to adopt all the norms governing the household of her in-laws, leaving her own parents. She has to accept the change with grace, slowly but surely. Husband should also assist her meaningfully. Here a balance between tact and diplomacy are must. If there is adjustment between spouses, then half the battle is won. If it is a joint family then husband can confide in his spouse the need and aspiration of each members; here again others members too should understand the condition of a new member (the girl) and help her adjust, teach her the norms of the family. In this sort of a scenario, there is no problem. It is the prime duty of the husband to let her assimilate in the family but slowly. Nothing happens in haste. Give and take in a relation is a must. It is not a one way traffic. In the nuclear families (husband & wife or children) adjustment could be ensured when equal respect for each other is there but it is lacking then God is the only savior since there is nobody in the family to make them round.

If still difference on some small pin-pricks persist, these should be left to the great leveler – ‘time’. It should never be forgotten that time is a great healer. In the meanwhile your in-laws may also understand you fully and try to adjust according to your perception in life. But this sort of condition / contingency will arise when the girl has tried to adjust according to their outlook. But a cautionary note: do not be dumb driven cattle. You can express your views sincerely and trust me these would be respected if found palatable. Nobody is that inconsiderate, except a few who are fastidious and may something and act otherwise. Yet in that scenario the best thing is to adopt a wait and watch.

Finally, when each of the spouses think family as a sacred unit and adopts guiding principle of forgive and forget each others’ faults then marriage as an institution just lasts. Never sleep you’re your problems. Just discuss and get rid of these rather than creating a black-hole still wider. Husbands should never ever forget that the families where women are respected God lives there only. Total success of a marriage to be successful is total commitment of values by both the spouses.

Thus he is the right person who has the above characteristic. World is full of people of this nature. Do not get disappointed. Just introspect and proceed further.

14 responses to “HOW DO YOU KNOW HE’S THE RIGHT GUY TO MARRY?”

Interesting post. There are only one thing, where I will protest and that is about the assimilation. I mean that integration will be more correct, because you need to be just like the others (and forget yourself) when assimilated, which I find is bad for our individuality.

There are so many reasons why many couples nowadays don’t last but I think one of the reasons may be because people get with the wrong person for them from the beginning. When the need for companionship is so strong, one may be willing to settle even if they know they are not truly happy, even though that person may not be the right person to marry. Also, it is important to understand your values and what your goals are. If you don’t have this understanding, how in the world will you be able to see this in another person that you plan on marrying? There are many also that stay in relationships that they know after a year that it is not for them perhaps because they fear hurting the person or they are afraid of staying alone. When one does this, they only hurt themselves in the long run because they can truly miss out on the person who is truly the one for them and they don’t allow the other person to find the one that is truly for them as well. I think it’s so complex but it all starts with us. It starts with us marrying the person for the right reasons and that goes beyond love.

First of all thanks a lot for your most appropriate comments. Selection of right person in the first instance leading to non-compatibility. Yes, companionship should be strong enough then adjustment could be assured through give and take by both the couples. Fact stands out that we ought to be very careful while choosing a person for the marriage. All angles are to be examined threadbare – pros and cons and then proceeded for or against the alliance. A person who has only his/her self interest and does not think about his / her spouse cannot be lived with amicably.
Some desist from leaving the relationship simply because of society’s thinking or the fear of remaining alone after divorce. Either way, both the partners are loser in my opinion. It is not that only girls are adversely affected even the men too have to undergo physical and psychological upheavals.
People talk about ‘love at first sight’ but what happens afterwards when actual ‘love’ has to be lived with for the entire life.
Yes, we have to go beyond ‘love’ for the marriage to be successful. That beyond love needs to be understood by the aspiring people who want to love each other. Mere first attractions for each other is not the only thing which should be taken into account.
I think compassion with right dose of consideration for each other in all aspects needs to be followed. Compatibility comes when we use brain (worldly thoughts) and heart (emotional angle) come into play.