Just want it to stop

a break, even for a few days, would be great. To feel normal, whatever that may be. But without the intense anxiety and fear, the hyper vigilance and feeling worthless. That would be good. Without the flashbacks, the resulting effects and feeling like I'm not in control. Nwithout the immense sadness and the fear of the future, if any. At what point do these things subside? If I could identify the triggers that'd be helpful, but I don't always know. The last few nights I've been taking extra meds and mixing in some alcohol so I could try to relax. I know this isn't the healthiest way of being and coping. But if it means I can get to bed and fall asleep that's helpful. I'm on this waking every three hours thing and I know that's not helping me. I'm not sure how to stop that though, I wish I did. Meanwhile of course I act like most do, that all is great in my little world. I really, really would like a break from this.

Hey Mo. I am so sorry to read how bad things are for you right now. Of course I didn't know how bad things are. I wish I had some great words of wisdom. What I say is that I care a lot. And I hope that somehow this wave of flashbacks etc soon dissipates. I am "here". Please know I care.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Sometimes I have no clue what triggers my depression and misery...it just hits me like a ton of bricks. I usually go and hug my dogs at that point, because I find it futile to keep asking why this is happening. There is never a reason...once I give up needing to know why, I'm able to focus on something else and it helps a lot.

I totally get what your feeling. I have tjou b ts of killing myself daily. I cry on and off all day and it is because of my home life and past mistakes. I continue to feel worthless and useless. I can't seem to ever say or do the right things