I dont know what to do.

im not new to this forum. i used it alot about a year ago, everybody gave me great help, and my life started looking up. my first love is right now in JDC, he set the local brewery on fire. i knew he was gonna mess his life up somehow, [and he knew i was gonna mess up mine], but i dont wanna live without him, and now i cant even talk to him anymore. my friends annoy me, they arent the people i wanna be friends with at all. i want the friends i had last year, the ones who never turned their back on me, the ones who took the knives out of my back when everybody else was shoving them in there. I'm a freshman, my name is Rebecca. i love talking to people, i find it helps alot most of the time. i trust too much in people, i know that & i try to stop but cant. and am suicidal and the victim of panic attacks. i dont know where my life is going, or how much longer i can take it going on, but i do know that i need help. but i cant go to my parents for help, and my friends are just as fucked up as me. and they tell me to just keep it all in, cause they do and they think its better when i honestly see them rip themselves apart everyday, every second. i dont wanna end up like that, i have nothing as it is, i dont want even less. my brother is gone, in a group home for mistakes that he shouldnt have made, i miss him a lot i barely ever get to see him, this saturday im going off to my first prom, i cut my wrists a week ago, & i dont know how im going to cover it up. my mom will see, my dad will see, everybody at school will see. i'll get yelled at, laughed at, tormented...but im used to it, im okay with it. but i dont wanna feel that way about these things anymore, i want help. i need help

so somebody help me

it means a lot if you just took the time out to read all of this, i love making new friends, its what made me get through it last time so please reply or send me a message
i have myspace, aim, bebo, and msn. & i would love to talk to you. thankk you

Good to see you back Rebecca. I remember you from when you were here before. i am sorry to hear your bf has made some poor choices. This can add to the strain of a young relationship. What happened to the friends you had before? Maybe you could open the lines of communication back up and start again with them. If they were good friends to you then, maybe they will understand. I see you are from Great Falls. I have spent some time there in the past. I have family there. I hope things turn around for you. You have a whole life ahead of you. Take care. :hug:

hi rebecca, sorry to hear things aren't great at the moment.
your bf may have made mistakes with his life but that doesnt mean you will, there is always a way to change how things will be and turn out.

never hold things inside hun, that is self destructive and if you haven't any real freinds then use us here to vent or just chat.
we will never turn our backs here, and i hope we can help you

stay safe and take care

andy

p.s try and have a great time at the prom, rip it up hun and don't worry about the others