Friday 20th June 2014

4226/17145

This was the first full day with no interruptions or meetings or training sessions or gigs that I've had for a long time. And it was pegged in for at least 15 hours of writing. With ten days until rehearsals start I couldn't afford to fuck around any more. But it was still just nausea inducing pain for most of the day, as I tried to work out what I needed to do and what was wrong with what I've got.

By 4pm I hadn't seemed to make much headway, though I had eaten quite a lot of vegetables (and one yoghurt, but only because I've got some left over in the fridge - I could give up any time). Finally, after that, something started clicking together and in the next nine hours I would make some decent progress. It's still some way away, but another nine hours like those last nine hours and I might have got something half decent. Which is cool because at midday today I thought that I might never get this into any kind of reasonable shape.

Don't get me wrong. It's miles off and the minute I hear it read out I will want to change it all again and I also need to run it past a few people who know nothing about the story to see if it makes sense to them. But nausea is giving way to mild excitement and hope that I might not just be pissing a huge amount of money up the wall. I probably still am, but it's be a shame to piss the money up a wall and not even get the wall wet. If the piss drips off the wall and makes a delicious drink for the few thousand people who are going to see this (hopefully not less than that), then maybe it will be worth it. If it just tastes of piss, then I could have given everyone a drink of piss, practically for nothing, as long as I'd started pissing in cups early enough in the year.

We're hopefully casting at least three of the roles over the weekend (there are six actors required, but we're holding on to see who we can get for the main two), so half a cast and half a script will be a reassuring place to get to.

Gareth McLearnon tweeted me this meme earlier, which pretty much sums up the writing process so far. I have hovered between 4 and 5 today. I will be very proud of myself if I pull this fucker off. It's been very, very tricky so far and I am probably only just starting. But whatever happens I am proud of myself for taking this chance and the inherent risk. I could certainly not have bothered. I have certainly wished I hadn't bothered at times. If I build it they might not come, but at least it will be built.

Then I'll have to put some work into my other Fringe show. Remind me not to put myself through this again. I feel sure I've asked that before, but no one reminded me. Next time, remind me.

The full length version Episode 3 of Meaning of Life about Love, with extra routines and the full interview with Virginia Ironside is now available for video and audio subscribers here. Shorter free versions will be up on vimeo/youtube and itunes/british comedy guide in the next couple of days. But it's only £15 for the full series (£6 for audio only), so support us and get all the bonus material if you can. It will help ease the burden of the play is this other self-financed project at least breaks even.