Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Not baggy

ACK! My "baggy" jeans aren't baggy just now! They fit perfectly. This scares me. I've also decided that I have no concept at all of how to eat lightly. What were the problems yesterday?

Breakfast: I wasn't all that hungry. Should I not have eaten? Should I have just brought a snack to work?
thin bagel with cream cheese, about a 1/2 cup blueberries with milk and spenda, also a glass of milk.
I guess I could have done with less milk.

Snack: trail mix made of walnuts, dates and dk chocolate chips. I didn't mean to eat it all, but I did. It felt good after kettlebell. Was this a mistake? or listening to my body. Could I have thrown 1/4 of it away? Would I then have been overly hungry for lunch?

Lunch: Tasty Thursday. Small sample of African chicken soup. A few sips of a weird drink, and a bite of the apple cinnamon dessert. Sandwich made with good bread, horseradish, deli roast beef, mozzarella cheese, spinach and tomato. Could I have thrown a few bites of that away at the beginning? (Much harder to not eat it all at the end).Olives---ok, I could have had less of those.

Snack: a little movie popcorn. We got the popcorn machine going. Totally unnecessary--I didn't even want it. But I had a few handfuls.

Dinner: Manwich wings, 2 bacon cream cheese rolls, sweet potato fries, blue cheese dressing, ketchup, a few raw veggies. Those rolls are supposedly only 125 cal each, but probably not when loaded with cheddar. I wasn't particuarly hungry for dinner either. I didn't take what looked like a huge amount, but if it was more than I wanted, then it was too much!

Dessert---didn't want any for once!

I dunno. It's so hard to remember on a daily basis that small choices matter. And I have to be careful. For example, we're going to a Christmas fair tomorrow. Am I more likely to buy a scone if I think I'm being "good" by throwing away a few bites of it? Or is the truth that I would have skipped the scone altogether otherwise. So hard to be honest in the middle of the fight.

1. Thanksgiving dinner at my house!
2. Catherine's coming home tonight.
3. The Christmas fair
4. That I found the Christmas tree jubilee
5. The African music station
6. That I could schedule therapy after work
7. Pan crust pizza at papa murphys
8. that the librarian helped me find the dvd's I wanted and they were ALL checked in!
9. Jamie at work who is so fun to talk to.
10. That it's Friday!
11. The the cat's fur is soooooo soft.
12. sweats
13. That Dave cleans
14. That Dave is so patient with me.
15. That no trial lasts forever.
16. That my boss doesn't hover
17. Christmas stockings--such a fun tradition
18. sauces, chutneys, spices
19. Dorothy Sayers--and the BBC adaptations
20. Amazon.com