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Thursday, December 2, 2010

I am not including pictures with this post.

Jezebel has been talking about this sort of stuff a lot lately: What is with guys sending gals pictures of their penises? When I first heard the Brett Favre "thing" (see what I did there?) in the news last month, I was like "Why on earth would anyone text a picture of their penis to another person?" I supposed I can only speak for myself, but even if I was totally doing it with a guy I was totally into, if I received a text message picture of his junk I would be like "..."

But Meg!, you might say, A picture is worth a thousand words! To you I say, every single one of those words is "ew." I'm not gonna send out a photo of my labia because that is private. If you are lucky enough to have access to my ladybits, congratulations and feel free to conjure up exciting memories at any time in your mind. I know what you do with your phone - because I do it too. I am a gossip and I am forgetful. If you send me a picture of your disco stick, I either going to accidentally leave my phone somewhere where curious types will look at my texts, or I am going to totally on purpose show it to all of my friends. I simply assume you will do the same. (Also, I'm not sure if that's the right usage of "disco stick" - I heard it in a song in a gay club.)

Some friends of mine have received racy texts (excuse me, sexts) with pictures of boobs or penises. You know what they did? SHOWED THEM TO ME. I have never received a sext directly, although now that I'm writing all of this on my blog I can't wait to turn on my phone and see what you perverts send me.

On a more romantic note, the dick pic is a bad idea because that's like the last unanswered question about a new partner and sexts ruin the fun. And that's pretty much only confined to men. I mean, sure there is the bush question on the ladies, but, at least in my opinion, it's not really the same. And don't try to make the boobs argument because you know as well as I do that society dictates that women showcase their boobs as much as possible to begin with. You kind of already know what you're getting. Unless you encounter absolutely enormous nipples. That would be a surprise.