Artemis

Artemis aka Cocky Bastard is our eastern European import and he’s no ashamed to tell us it’s the girls who give him the nickname. In fact, Cocky Bastard isn’t ashamed to tell us anything. He recently refused to attend his sister’s wedding because he didn’t approve of her choice in husband. “But isn’t a husband her choice?” we ask, and Cocky Bastard tells us that where he’s from the women must obey men, including their brothers. “It’s tradition,” he says, and when we question tradition, Cocky Bastard simply adds “Tradition is handed down from elders who knew best.” We’re these elders perhaps Cro-Magnon? “Women need to be with me, because they’re not strong,” says Cocky Bastard as he gets undressed. Women might want to be with him for the eyes, the tight body, but certainly not his views on women’s liberation. “Men are the hunters, women stay home,” he says without a hint of irony, and what can we say? The kid is honest, we’ll give him that. So what does the cocky bastard love best about himself? “All of it,” he says, flexing his muscles. Mercifully, when the camera starts snapping, he stops talking. It’s pleasing to hear someone give him orders. “Get on the floor,” “I want you on your knees,” “Get a hard on.” So who’s the hunter now? Cocky Bastard’s long dong follows directions, too. Sometimes, it’s best to watch and not listen. That’s why we’ve got him shut up and stripped for your pleasure.