Friday, October 15, 2010

Criaturas DEMO

What we have here my succulent little ones is a demo by a local band Criaturas. This was given to me for FREE and continue with this months theme of FREE SHIT I will review it.

Now I am told this band is made up of all Mexicans besides one of the guitar players. I would like to think that in this day and age of acceptance that they would like to be referred to as Mexican Americans or just Americans but alas that is not so. I believe the word Chicano is the chosen word of these Peoples. Meh, whatever. There is at least one member who proudly flies the flag of his natural birth right at head of the world and claims just pure American...or so I have heard.

Now first things first, all of this is in another language called Mexican. I took this Mexican Language class in Highschool BUT I dropped out after one semester. The reason for my Un-American activity of giving up was because 1) The teacher sucked, so much in fact that he had to have some stomach bullshit done on him halfway through the semester 2) I spent all my time flirting with this one chick who eventually let me crawl in her window one night to test out flavored condoms and cheat on her boyfriend...which wasn't much of a major achievement then but is for me now seeing as I have zero Vampy skills anymore. But I am focusing to much on why I am not down with the language of the Brown here. Back on track kiddos.

The demo opens with some noisy swirly shit that I am told is a roto vibe. The song is called "pesadillas" which I believe I have seen on the set list translated as "thrash song #1". Over all I never want to hear this song again, and probably won't. It is still a driving hc bit with odd sounding guitars(due to having a bunch of pedals from Guitar Centerr I bet). "Pesadillas" bleeds into the 2nd song "Sin Final" which once again I have seen roughly translated as "Slow Song" but I believe is something about no end. It's a danceable jam and I would head bang along to it, especially when the super-tarded metal trilling comes on in the form of a solo. "Despierta" is song...Three..and when I use my google translator it said this song is called "Vampy #1". It starts with what sounds like that shit you use to hear at movie theaters in the 80's...you know like where it's all distorted and epic then the Lion Roars. Anyway so it's that then some crunchy ass sounding guitars and some weird harmonics popping in. I think the guitarist set his pick up selector to the right one as the guitar sounds better on this. There are some words spoken,and driving drums show casing why this drummer is better then your drummer. "No Hay Futuro" which means "No,Yo this songs Thrash song 2" is a total trasher show casing yet again, bad ass drumming, and amazing guitar playing by both guitarists, oh yeah there is some bass playing and singing too. "Paranoide" is numero uno 5 song and I do remember from my hours spent studying and translating ancient Mayan Texts in Highschool means "Paranoid" in American. This is where the bass player takes his leg and puts it on the stage monitor and really starts rocking out, and is always where both guitar players get their Bang on. This is the juice baby. The stuff that makes you want to stab your girlfriends best friend in the face at the show...THE SHIT.

Lets take a quick break and let me grab some coffee. Paranoide made me thristy for man jewce so I will drink the blood of the Columbian donkey guy right quick. Okay "nadie va a sobrevivr" comes up next. This is a song I shall right now rename Gauze. It sounds tough as fuck,so tough in fact is the drumming that I can not come up with anything else to say right now as I sip on this coffee drink. That is how tough it is. I believe this is a song live where The American guitarer would grab a bystanders beer and smash it into his own face or throw something out into the audience to explain his emotional state. Tuff.....Lucky numero uno Seven is named "Mentiras" and is the metal song. Its got palm muting and the chorus effect swirls inside your brain cap. The solos jump out at you and kick you in the nuts (men and women..well chicks might get punched in a single titty).

The final track on this tape (did I mention this is a tape or would the more clever of you have noticed in the picture??) IS...."La Muerte" which means in French "The Motorhead". This is why this band exists. This is why I exist. This is why I crawl out of bed ever morning curse the gods for letting me wake up in the corny town. This IS THE FUCKING JAM MY SLAVES!!!!!

Overall this tape rules the planet. I hear they are amazing live and lay waste to everyone they play with. They do not play very much which is good. Who wants to see a band all the time. The drummer is the nicest guy in Austin,the bass player likes fried chicken a lot,the singer can cut your hair better then Edward Scissor hands,the Afro Guitarez can shred like a motherfucker,and That other guitar player who never talks to anyone and plays the role of the arrogant dude slathered in thinly veiled self hatred is pretty okay as well. BUY this fucking thing or down load the master which is easy to find on something called Google search Criaturas Demo