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Caturday Tails

Holly, Pereque & Orlando, Who Walked, Fell & Picked

How could a cat walk 200 miles and find her way back home? How many lives are left, after surviving a five-store fall? How much of picking stocks can be assigned to chance? Such were the questions we’ve asked last week, through the tales of three cats. We’ll never know what drove Holly to spend two months walking back or how she knew what direction to take. Neither can we explain how Pereque fell onto a spiked fence but didn’t have any organ pierced. But if Orlando can beat professional investment wizards, what’s left to us?
Just an excuse to talk about cats, you may say, and who are we to begin arguing to the contrary. Except that it may give us pause to appreciate the mystery of these creatures, going to astonishing lengths to remain loyal to us. As to whether we even deserve such attention, we leave it to you to decide.THE WALKING HOLLY
What made a four-year-old tortoiseshell, who disappeared in Daytona Beach, last November, to walk to the point of rendering her back paws to a nail-less, raw-flesh pulp, all the way to West Palm Beach, some 200 miles away? As an indoor cat, probabilities can’t even begin to explain it, and yet she made it.
The proof that Holly’s the same cat was an implanted chip, which has been useful for identifying lost pets. (Never mind that, at this point, there’s no reason for these chips to come without some sort of GPS too) In any event, it’s doubtful their human companions wouldn’t recognize her after two months.Explanations range from a little known but innate sense of direction that felines are supposed to have, to their excellent vision, which allows them to mark landmarks as they go. But since she traveled to Daytona Beach inside a R.V., the fact remains that she hardly had any chance to see those landmarks to begin with.
We’re not going into the ‘why’ did she do it, because we don’t believe in the cliche of calling cats callous self-serving individuals. Also, it goes without saying that despite domestication, they remain pretty close to a wild state, so possible nemesis along the way may have thought twice before messing around with such a fearless, albeit small and cute, predator.
Lastly, if you research similar cases, you’d find that there are dozens of previous examples of cats and other pets going to incredible odds and risks, just to be reunited with their human companions. Many never made it, of course. But we can think of only a handful of humans who would even consider it, given the circumstances.THE FALLING PEREQUE
The survivor of this week’s High Rise Syndrome is a three-year-old New York City local hero, and his prospects of fully recovery are excellent. We know now more than ever about what cats do when falling and just before reaching terminal velocity, and their rate of success surviving puts even the drunkest of humans to shame.
That’s because their secret is in relaxing their bodies so much as to counter the effects of gravity. We say only barely conscious people achieve that sort of relaxation, and even then, in most cases, it’s not enough: where Pereque had no compromised organ or bone after his fall, we’re sure we’d be pulverized by now if we’d attempted to do the same.
Evolution has taught felines a complex set of moves choreographed when most creatures are busy feeling terribly afraid of dying. While the rest of us would desperately move frantically our arms, to no recognizable benefit, cats probably have time to enjoy the rapidly descending panorama. And live, if not to tell, then to enjoy another purr.
Cats and pets and people falling or jumping from high rises is, of course, a common occurrence in cities, and ours truly is perhaps the one with the most. But regardless whether there was intention behind it or simply an accident, often to survive is not qualitatively significant comparing to the other option.
Bodies can be mangled, brains can be impaired for life, and our days, as we used to know them, may never repeat. So, it may be something to consider if not before, then while you’re trying to calm yourself on your accelerating way down, and happen to remember what you read here. For Pereque, though, that was not it and ASPCA is looking for a home for him. Interested?THE INVESTING ORLANDO
Lacking of better things to do was not an excuse for The Observer, of London, to kill time last year. One of their most interesting ways of doing it was an unusual experiment: give a panel of stock-picking professionals and a cat a little under $8,000 to be invested in a portfolio of five companies listed on the FTSE.
The investment wizards went about their job, making bold choices and picking winners up to September, when they had generated some $770 in profit. The poor feline, hahaha, was following far behind, at only $460. Things seemed to be tracking the pseudo-natural order of things, human superiority and all that.
By the way, Orlando was selecting stocks by throwing his favorite toy mouse on a grid of numbers allocated to different companies. Perhaps the so-called professionals should try the same. In a stunning turnaround, by the last quarter, his portfolio had increased by an average of 4.2%, beating them all by a difference of almost $580.
Look who’s laughing now. Certainly not Orlando, who couldn’t care less about the whole charade. Probably neither those who make a living picking stocks for investors, using other people’s money. Can you imagine if the word spreads out? Oh, actually it already did, but they’re still making a killing, specially on the back of those who haven’t yet read the memo.
The ‘random walk hypothesis’ is a thesis first explained by economist Burton Malkiel in his A Random Walk Down Wall Street book. It goes something like this: all you read, all the studies you hire people to develop, all the time you spend monitoring stock prices is all but wasted. Or rather, it is wasted.
At the end of the day, according to Burkiel, share prices are utterly unpredictable and you’re more likely to make some dough out of, say, creating better ways to spend your time, than throwing cash into stocks. Which, of course, is no deterrent to fortunes gained and fortunes lost at that place you wouldn’t find a cat around: the markets.
So, if you had any doubts about how quickly you could turn your weekend into something you didn’t know before, congratulations: you’ve just won the few minutes spent reading this in pure, crystalline, and intriguing knowledge. Now, do Holly, Pereque and Orlando a favor, and take a walk to forget all about it, will ya?
_________________Read Also:Please, type CATS on the search field and you’ll be overwhelmed by how much time we’ve spent writing about them. Enjoy it.

WILD HORSES

Harrowing Ride

Audio Portrait

East Village in the 80s through my answering machine. Greeting messages, friendly voices, a recorded ecstasy and many tongues were left on tape for me to remember. Now I'm sharing it all with you. Enjoy it.

World Cup
in S.Africa.
Remember?

Joyce's 'Ulysses'
as Graphic Novel

The illustration above is one of the plates of "Ulysses 'Seen,'" a high quality graphic adaptation by Robert Berry of James Joyce's masterpiece "Ulysses."
For those who never got around to read the long, uninterrupted, controversial June 16, 1904, conversation by Molly Bloom, Stephen Dedalus and others, that the great Irishman envisioned in Dublin, you won't have a better chance to do it.
And for those already familiar with the book form, it's another opportunity to appreciate this enduring work of literature through the eyes of a contemporary artist.
In either case, a few pints of Guinness to go along with it are absolutely optional.

EPITAPH

"Alone we are born, and die alone;
Yet see the red-gold cirrus
Over snow-mountain shine.
Upon the upland road
Ride easy, stranger:
Surrender to the sky
Your heart of anger."

FALSE ALARM

Desmodus

The Artist

Father & Son

Fireball Over Midwest Skies

COLL POLL

The Numbers Are In

Voting stations are closed at this time. The final tally was 13 votes in favor of Coll getting a cellphone and two against it.

MAY 19th IS COLL'S BIRTHDAY & HE WON!

This decision is final. Thank you all for participating. Coll's most heartfelt gratitude goes for the kind souls who voted in favor. For the two heartless hacks who were against it (you know who you are), a SWAP team graciously volunteered to pay you a visit first thing tomorrow morning. Stop by the front desk to request a waiver to present to your teacher, boss or dominatrix. Call your mother. Enroll in a charitable cause. Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen. Run to raise funds for Aids. This is our last broadcast. Please tune in for future promotions. This tape will self-destroy in five seconds. No further ado will come out of nothing. (5/19/2010)

MOTION

CLUTCH

Off-Key Note

Writings, pictures, videos, comments & more, edited by a writer, musician and world citizen living in downtown
New York City.
Acting gigs, a few screenplays and endless clashes with reality.
Brazilian by birth, multilingual by chance, cash strapped as usual.
Agnostic but partial to great soccer. Unmoved by sunsets, campaign speeches, the religious pull or any sure bet.Poor vision and lower back pain. A bottomless pit for a navel. Blue, cats, 9, left, heat and outer space.
Common ground needs not to apply. Not accepting advice at this time.

Naked City

“In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.”

Slideshow

LAST WORDS

* - "Let's do it."GARY GILMORE, executed by firing squad in Jan. 17, 1977, by the State of Utah, for murdering a model clerk. He was the last person to be executed in the U.S. in that fashion until June 18, 2010, when Ronnie Lee Gardner was shot to death also by Utah.

Norman Mailer wrote "The Executioner's Song," which he called a "true story," based on the relationship he established with Gilmore, a confessed killer, and the state of affairs of the U.S. in the 1970s. The book doesn't shy away from the horrific facts surrounding his murderous spree, but in a way it tones them down and shifts the focus to the society's possible role as a fertile ground for such deviant behavior.