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A Better Life After Multiple Lessons

by Sara Wales on 01/17/2013

Jessep Magoon’s Story

I would like to say I’m very grateful for the loving and supporting family I’ve been blessed with. During my teenage years I put my parents through many sleepless nights wondering if I was alive or dead. I’d like to say thank you to my father for raising me and teaching me the important things about being a man. He worked very hard and made sure I always had everything I needed, and he is still there for me to this very day if I need him. My mother loves me like no other person ever has, she prays for me daily and I can still feel her heartache for years past in her voice. My parents did the best they could, and that wasn’t enough for me. I chose to leave home around 16, not because it was bad, but because I was addicted to the chase of finding something better. The lifestyle I wanted wasn’t something allowed in either of their homes and off I went. I was a travelling man as they say. I was blessed with landing in Southern California, The Panhandle of Florida, and everywhere in between. All that mattered at the time was what made me feel good. As time went on, the travels and the excitement started becoming work. I just wanted to be carefree and have fun forever…the mind of a 20 year old. By this time I had burned most of the bridges behind me on the journey and didn’t think twice about ever rebuilding them. I had officially started becoming sick of being sick and tired. I didn’t know how to have a productive relationship, maintain a friendship, or really even care about anything or anyone other than me. The road was becoming pretty lonely, and all my old tricks quit working…the charm was wearing off. I knew then, something had to change and it started changing without me even realizing it was happening. All these circumstances, consequences, and the worlds troubles being thrown at me started sinking in…maybe this is actually my own fault why this keeps happening, this is what I started thinking, the seed was planted for sure. I struggled for a year or so deciding what kind of life really meant something to me…and it wasn’t the one I was living at the time. I remember the day it happened. I was in jail for my 3rd drunk driving, and had been there for almost 3 months already knowing I might be facing prison time, I wasn’t that cool dude anymore I thought I was…I turned into a scared boy. I didn’t know what to do, I was laying in my bunk and started crying, the next thing I knew I was on the concrete floor on my knees begging for forgiveness. That was the day my life changed forever. I knew at that very moment I was no longer a prisoner to myself. Over the next 7 months I found inner peace and maybe for the first time in over a decade actually took responsibility for my actions. I was defeated and I knew it, I could no longer live how I was and expect different results, it just wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t give up, but I gave in for sure…I was changing, period. I slowly started making progress and started living life on life’s terms with the understanding everything was going to be fine. I met some new people that had traveled similar roads and had the answers I needed. They changed and seemed to be happy, and free without the influence of anything other than their inner being. WOW, what a concept I thought people couldn’t be happy just because, well I was wrong. My life ended up changing for the better and all the old ways of thinking slowly faded away. I still had the defects of character in my pocket and let them shine and still do today. I guess that’s why they call us Humans. I started getting some “clean” living under my belt, and all those bridges started rebuilding themselves actually. It amazed me that people actually liked me, and wanted to be around me again…I was regaining some trust and it felt great. People trusting me again was the stepping stone that I needed to continue growing. I didn’t realize how important trust was until I lost it from everyone around me. I stole from my own family, and they actually still loved me and started trusting me again…hmmm, maybe those were the people that actually cared about me to begin with? Funny how things go full circle and we usually end up with what we needed and started with. I wanted something else, I chased it for years, and finally realized the temporary satisfaction wasn’t fulfilling. I’m thankful for my past today, it reminds daily of who I can be again anytime. My yesterdays were empty, lonely, and sad. My today’s are blessed with joy, happiness, and peace. The only thing I do differently is love myself, so that I can love others. My family all waited for me patiently to figure life out, when I came crawling back they had open arms, what a blessing that was. I’ve rebuilt almost all the bridges in the past 10 years or so, a few didn’t need rebuilding and that’s fine. I’m good with it. I love my father for being a hard working middle class man, I love my mother for being a mother that shows extreme understanding and concern, which is the highest form of love in my world. I’m constantly reminded by her phone calls that I sometimes ignore for days, that she will never stop loving me. All she wants is to hear my voice, and have me tell her I’m doing good. That’s it. I’ve found out there’s actually a lot of people in my life that just want to hear my voice and have me tell them I’m doing good, and that makes me smile BIG. I don’t have much to offer when it comes to material things, but God has allowed me to venture out to see what really matters back at home…LOVE. My son is 3 years old and that little man is something I actually started praying for when I was still a kid. I just wanted to be a good dad for as long as I can remember. That was it, I knew that would be the missing piece to the crazy puzzle of my life. My prayer was answered and all the little things that came with being a father that I didn’t ask for…I now understand how my dad felt when I walked away. Life’s lessons have been very painful for me, but I needed them all to happen exactly how they have, or I wouldn’t be here typing this. My story would be different. I’m not unique, thousands of people have my story, not everyone has the same outcome. Many are still suffering, dying, or praying on the concrete floor in a jail cell. I don’t have to do that today. I’m thankful, my family is thankful, and my son will someday understand through my actions. If I have one foot in yesterday, and one foot in tomorrow, I’ll end up pissing al lover today. Its not worth it to me not to live in the moment, and live it to the best of my ability. All my people, you know who you are…I love you. ~ Jessep Magoon

I have to say that Jessep Magoon has a very inspiring facebook page that I have been following for a long time. I find him to be very inspiring and I love how much he nurtures and cares for his son. Check him out at https://www.facebook.com/SmileBigLoveEverybody?fref=ts

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4 responses to “A Better Life After Multiple Lessons”

Thank you so much for taking the time to write about your journey.. It sounds very similar to mine. I’ve recently found peace with my past and as of today I am 5.5 months sober and completely clean from previous addictions. I am going to pass this along to an old friend in hope that it can help him change his life… His story of struggling and wanting to be a good dad and always chasing the next thrill… I think your story will impact him.
Thanks again, Cintia Grenier

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