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Saturday, August 23, 2008

I am lucky enough to have the Dodgers/Phillies game be on at 3:55 in crystal clear High Definition, so I figured what the hay, why not a live blog? Lucky for me Tim McCarver is doing the game, because, well, he is Tim McCarver. First some quick over/unders...

1. Mentions of new series on Fox and FX during game-Over/Under 9.5

I take the over here...

2. Comments about Manny Ramirez's gameplan to get out of Boston-3.5

McCarver will hit this one with a tangent somewhere around the 4th inning

3. How many hits Jimmy Rollins gets today-1.5

He will go 1-4, I take the under here

4. Amount of times Jeanne Zelasko will try and be funny when she interrupts with highlights from another game-3.5

I will take the under here, she already thinks she is funny (although she is not)

5. Amount of times Kenny Albert tries to get attention back on the game after McCarver goes off on a random tangent about Bob Gibson-1.5

I will take the over here.

The Match-Up:Clayton Kershaw for the Dodgers against Cole Hamels for the Phillies.

3:51 pm- First McCarverism- "If they(Dodgers) can score the runs, then they can pitch, with the youngster Clayton Kershaw an example of that, and he'll be starting for the Dodgers today"

Translation- When the Dodgers offense is rolling, it makes it easier for guys like Kershaw to pitch, because it takes the pressure off of him to make a great pitch every throw.

I will do my best to translate today.

3:56- Danny Ardoin does the introductions of the Dodger lineup, which is highlighted by him calling Matt Kemp "The Baby Bull" and then interjecting nicknames between the hitters first and last name (ie Andre "All I do is get big hits" Ethier). He calls NomarGarciaparra "The Low Rider" which has something to do with the song that plays every time Nomar bats at Dodger Stadium (ha, ha, ha). The best was saved for last though as he called Clayton Kershaw "Sunshine". Ardoin is definitely not Will Ohman....

4:02 - Cole Hamels developed his change-up because of a broken arm in high school (Thank you Mr McCarver for that). After Kenny Albert does his Budweiser promo, we get McCarverism number 2- "It's exactly what the Phillies and the, uh, Dodgers are hopeful of, the perfect balance"

Translation-"Both teams here today are hoping to get timely hitting and good pitching"

4:09- Tim McCarver on Jeff Kents's anger over people thinking he is hitting better because he is in front of Manny Ramirez "My gosh, I mean how can it not influence you when Manny Ramirez is hitting in the slot behind you? He must be seeing better pitches with Manny being behind him. I think you can agree that's the wrong guy (Vin Scully) to take on in Southern California. Is that not a bit of an overreaction?" Kenny Albert "Uhh, yess"-awkward silence- Albert "The 2-1 pitch to Kent..."

1-2-3 for Hamels...

4:14- They have the PhilliesPhanatic doing the lineups by pantomime. Oh how unique (by unique I mean god awful). At least I have learned one thing today, never, ever, play charades with the Phillie Phanatic. I am sure Taco Bell is thrilled to have their name attached to that mess.

Jimmy Rollins favorite count (because he sees it so much) 1-2, and he gets hit by a pitch. No word on if the crowd was booing the pitcher or Rollins after he was hit.

McCarverism: "The best time to come inside on a hitter is with 2 strikes"

Translation: "I just announce every game as though you have never ever seen baseball before and I have to teach you from scratch and use big words"

The Phils are rocking the throwbacks today, I like the pinstripes.

McCarver- "That was a put-me-away curveball there"

Translation- "He threw two fastballs and he wanted to change it up a bit and catch the hitter off guard"

I wonder if Joe Torre made Clayton Kershaw cut his hair?

After McCarver complains that the Phillies don't move runners along (which is valid) Burrell bombs a three-run homer to left and it's 3-0 Phils (yay!)

Lefty O'Doul gets a name drop by Kenny Albert. When he gets back to the hotel he will call his dad and ask what he thought of it, and Marv will say nothing but "Yesssss!". Kenny will then hang up and cry himself to sleep with an empty bottle of vodka in his hand....

Werth gets to first on a check swing hit that he slides in head first for.

If this becomes a blowout, the odds McCarver goes off on a tangent are very, very high...

McCarver- "No pun intended, but is it worth it (Get it? Werth and worth? ha, wow) to slide headfirst into first base?"

Albert: "Earlier this week a US runner got a bronze medal for sliding into the finish line"

McCarver "Well if he hadn't done that he would have won gold. Kidding, kidding"

Albert: "Ha, ha, actually they said he probably wouldn't have medaled if he hadn't done that"

McCarver: :"Mmmhmmmm. Well the Olympics are every 4 years, you play baseball every day"

Translation: Damn you Kenny Albert!

4:35- Kenny Albert talks Manny, McCarver goes back to Burrell's home run and lets us know that the ball hit the "fair pole", or the foul pole, and the ball bounced off into foul territory. He also thinks that instant replay is not a good idea because they are doing it in season, not at the beginning, and the viewers TV habits will change (ie they will have visual proof when a pompous blowhard is wrong).

Is anyone else ready to slap Frank Caliendo in the face yet? Because I am....

4:37-McCarver has to call Gary Maddox "Gary Mad-Ox". Just a slight difference, but the type someone who is a pompous know it all does to make you hate them even more.

Rollins grounds out (he is 0-1, the under here we come).

4:39 pm- Russell Martin hits a 2 run home run and it's 3-2. Somewhere, Alyssa Milano is proud of her man.....

UPDATE-The internet went down right after Martin's home run. The Phillies won 9-2, and there is no word on whether or not Albert and McCarver got into a fist fight in the parking lot. By the way Jimmy Rollins went 1-4, don't say I didn't tell you that was going to happen.....