Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

husband disapproval

ok. i hope this doesn't come across as whiny. and i feel like i should already know what to do.. but i have become so obsessed with how much goes in my body and what comes out, i am loosing grip with reality.

everyone has noticed my weight loss. i guess i'm dropping too much too quick. but now my husband is saying that if i dont eat 3 meals a day then he will leave me. he says that i am getting too thin and i look like a skeleton (which i dont think i do, i still see fat everywhere).

i've already been trying to eat my one meal (if you'd call it that), in front of him so he sees me eating something. with all this eating, i have fallen into the wonderful world of purging. its gotten to the point where i can't keep a few bites of lettuce down.

so i'll spare everyone the mini-details.. but i am so torn because i can't stop.. my mind won't let me stop. my body wont let me stop. but i dont want to loose my marriage over this. he doesn't realize how i can't be like "okay, if thats what you want.. 3 meals it is!" but i just can't do it.

anyone with similar experiences would be helpful. serious responses please. i am torn apart by this.

Well...I am married too, my husband too, is over concerned with what I am eating and my weight. He knows all my issues and is supportive in his own way. I know that he will never know what I am going through. I wouldn't wish it on him, but he tries. He supports me going to therapy and lets me talk to him when I want to talk about it. Maybe you should go to therapy together. One important thing my husband said is that he would never leave me in my time of need. Let him know you need him.

I am only 16 but I think that is ridiculous that your husband would say something like that if he really loves you then I think he should support you no threaten you because what does that solve..nothing. I am soo sorry that he said that to you. You can get through this don't worry everything will be ok...

Sometimes the people in our lives don't really mean things like that when they say them. Sometimes they just say things like that to shake us up. They figure they know that our marriage, for instance, is more important than our eating disorder. They figure that by saying something like that - we'll suddenly realize all that we're risking.

He seriously might not be an ass. He might just be scared to death and not know how to fix you. One of THE most frustrating things for the men in our lives is standing by and not being able to just make it better.

Talk to him. Ask him if he really means it. Have this conversation when you're both CALM and not close to a mealtime.

Also - you know how much you don't want to lose him (and this isn't just about losing your marriage - because when you lose your personality to the disorder or when you lose your life - you lose him), and you know you can't stop this on your own...it sounds like it is definitely time to get into therapy.

Your husband probably feels completely helpless seeing you starving yourself to death and his ultimatum might be his way of trying to get you healthy. Of course this is not going to work, so I would buy him a book on anorexia and take him to a counseling session so your therapist(I hope you have one)can explain what is happening. You don't see yourself as a skeleton because your body image is distorted. The mirror lies to you. Go see a doctor and maybe even consider to go inpatient for a while. Good luck.

He's probably scared, and in his man-mind is clutching at straws to find a way to help you. I agree with ChanT, take him with you to therapy. You're ill, and you need to get help for yourself and include him too.

thank you everyone for your replies. i am currently in therapy, my np has noticed my drastic weight loss and knows of my history of anorexia (been recovered for 4-5ish years). not much has been discussed in therapy other than, &quot;are you eating? what have you had to eat in the last week? do you realize that by you not eating, it's not helping with your depression?&quot; so, i don't think she fully realizes how consuming this ed has become in my life since its resurfaced.

my husband has been threatening with telling people, and i believe it is more of a scare tactic than a helpful one. he keeps saying &quot;i'm going to call your shrink and tell her you don't eat.&quot; &quot;i'm going to tell my mom and she will tie you down and force feed you; she'll never let you hear the end of it.&quot; or, my favorite.. &quot;you're destroying your body, don't be pissed off at me when you can't have kids because you destroyed all your internal organs.&quot;

don't you think i know the repercussions of not eating? i think people don't realize that it becomes an obsession... you care, but you don't. and as far as people knowing, scares me.. i don't know how to explain it other than it's a secret i don't want others knowing because they'll take it away.

The problem for us carers is two fold 1. Do we challenge anorexia, or 2. Do we let it control us too. Sometimes carers get it wrong, sometimes we are behind, in front or alongside at the wrong time, and our reactions are misinterpreted, at the end of the day YOU ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE and joint therapy will help and your husband probably needs individual counselling to help you too.

sorry and to add, I know the utter despair and frustration that trying to support a sufferer can bring, I am sure that over the last two years I have thought and said I want rid of my responsibilities, I can't cope, I hate this illness destroying our lives, I wont be controlled by your anorexia, but I can't divorce or leave my daughter, I am sure with the right tools he will stand by you and be of great support.

The old site was so much more friendly. (Well, apart from the one member who made my life so miserable I had to take a break......) But I can't cope without having somewhere to go that I can just vent. A lot has happened. My oldest son has had a child and is now a single parent which really means I'm co-parenting him. He's a beautiful, bright, pixie of a child and my reason for getting up in the...

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