Ok, gang. I think it’s about time we all admit this whole marriage situation has gotten a little out of hand with our generation. I’m not talking about how many guys are too big of wussies to quit partying like maniacs and propose to a chick or how many “artists” refuse to put their passions to the side and reproduce with one another, either. I’m talking about how many lunatics refuse to leave their friends out of their intimate relationships with loved ones.

There are obviously plenty of women out there around my age with shitty baby boyfriends, who are too afraid to have children and would rather just act like them instead. This has not only forced more than a few of my gal pals to put up with ridiculously immature bullshit day in and day out, it’s helped prepare them for all the annoying crap one has to deal with as a parent.

Now, you may think all women were born wanting children, considering the number of dolls we had when we were younger. Or, at least developed the desire to have kids sometime after we had our first period. Seeing parents lose their shit in public while trying to control their little brats does give a few of us second thoughts, though. Even after already having been introduced to the industry by babysitting all those years. After dating a man who can’t take care of himself or anything else for that matter our confidence does tend to be reinvigorated, however. But a new problem tends to arise when a woman has gone so far as to successfully transform one of these assholes who wants to do nothing but have fun and get annihilated all the time into a proper mate for life.

Normally, it’s believed only a sick, self-centered monster wouldn’t be happy for a female friend who’s just gotten engaged. Some lonely pieces of garbage do have a hard time dealing with their own depressing little lives and instead feel nothing but anger and jealousy over the matter. A woman’s entire circle of friends should be giddy with joy, however. If not for their friend’s ‘happiness’ then for the fact that she’s attached herself to an undesirable life-partner and simultaneously removed him from the mating pool for everyone else. Unfortunately, when a woman does pull off this miraculous transformation of a man, the couple ends up getting the crazy idea in their heads that everyone wants to participate in every major milestone of theirs.

Obviously, it isn’t out of the ordinary to plan on going to a friend’s wedding if you’re close to them or, actually show up if you get an invite. Participating in any of the ceremonies, whether you’re a member of the wedding party or not, before the couple’s relationship even gets to that point is bat-shit bonkers though. An engagement party is one thing but no one else, other than the two people who are supposed to be getting married should ever be involved in a marriage proposal. It doesn’t matter if the third party is trying to interfere and stop the two from getting married or not. A marriage proposal and what short little time the couple has afterwards is meant to be an intimate moment. Forcing Japanese tourists to watch may not be so bad but there’s no way in hell they should ever force their actual friends to sit through the goo-fest.

It doesn’t even matter if there’s a party involved, forcing friends to celebrate a couple’s anniversary is pushing it. That’s the time when two people are supposed to make a horrible home cooked meal together, get drunk on cheap wine, and try to have some kinky sex for longer than a minute or two. A couple getting friends to feel guilty for forgetting their anniversary or, run the risk of getting a better gift from one of their friends is pure insanity.

Maybe it’s cause for concern to the old tymers how long it takes us youngsters to settle down, get married, and have children. The truly frightening thing to me is how many married couples want me to participate in their marriage and it’s not even when it comes to the bedroom.