Of Accepting Silence

by thefulltiltlife

Rocket Summer – So Much Love

I’ve come to realize that my heart is where my time is. Like tickets to the fair, I give time pieces of myself. Looking back to see where they were spent, you can tell the trail of what’s important to me. To be frank, mine is not always a good story. I watch too much T.V., and I have both Tumblr and Pinterest, as if one weren’t enough. I find myself over-speaking and under-listening, and I take shortcuts and cut corners so life is easier instead of taking my time so life is sweeter. I have this constant struggle with time and space, as if I’m not always sure where to spend it all. I have to make space for those things that mean life to me, for phone calls and letters and walks and bike rides. I have to actively, creatively carve time for sitting and conversing instead of up and running, for listening to her fears instead of talking until an answer spills out, for praying. Looking back over these three months void of essay deadlines and exam dates, I’ve had to come to terms with silence. I’ve had the chance to see sunrises and sunsets sitting on the patio, Bible in hand. I’ve driven too far to say hello, and called when my eyes had to fight to stay open. I know that the story of my days writes more like, “Didn’t stop. Rushed past. Spent too much on insignificance.” But I need to remind myself of words that define me and make me more, of verbs like, “Went and stayed. Was fully there. Celebrated.”