I got completely shithouse drunk one night at a party, to the point where I drank Windolene because there was only cider left (to prove the point that I detested cider) and I ended up taking some bird home. Anyway, I wake up the next day with a condom on, laying ON TOP of this bird...It was never spoken, but I assume I fell asleep during. Im glad she didnt die.

i was goging out with this grl, and 1 night i was at a party and i got pretty drunk and hocked up with this grl and i ende dup waking up at her house and i woke up and i couldent find my cloths and the grl wasnet there either so i get out of bed and go to open the door when i hear sum man (musta been her dad) coming towards the door, so im like panacin and hide in the wardrobe and he walks in grabs something and walks out(he looked liek a pretty big guy), and im thinking shit ive gotta get the fuk out of hear so im thinking im on the 2nd floor and its not taht high and i could probs climb down teh drain pipe, anyways i herar her dad coming back so i thought fuk it im going for it so i open the window and start clibimbg down teh drain pipe (baring in mind im naked at this point) and her dads closes the window and looks down and sees me there and also quess whos turned up for dinner at this grl parents house, my girlfriends parents, so i just quickly climbed down teh pipe and jumped off and ran like fuk and my girlffriends dad chased me for a while but i manged to run to my m8s house who was c ouple of streets away, needles to say im no longer going out with my girlfriend lol

I was out with this girl who I had been dating for about two weeks. We were crazy hot for each other. That night was the first time we had gone out with our friends and got completely shit faced. We were all over each other in the cab but I could tell I was on my way toward trouble (too much booze). We get to her place and I'm getting worse and she's not much better off.. We are crashing through her apartment toward her bed room, laughing our asses off telling each other too be quiet.

Very quickly we are naked and in bed...on thing leads to another and she tells me grab a condom and get down to business. Well, as drunk as I was the comdom proves to be a difficult challenge. When I final get it on she says, "I'm getting dry, grab some lube for that same drawer".

I apply the lube and we start going to town. I'm on top of her and the hand I used to apply the lube is near my face. Suddenly a strong odder that isn't lube hits my nose.....

It takes a second for my brain to recognize the smell but when it does I know we've got a probelm...

Its Icey Hot

Just as I realize what I've done she starts to lose her shit... SHe throws me off and bolts for the hallway. She is bellowing in pain and running naked toward the bathroom. I take off after her ttrying to explain what happened. Mid apology I begin to feel a certain level of discomfort. I look down and start screaming too.. The Icey Hot has eatten through the condom leaving little remains of latex on me and my dick is firehyderate red.

I start running/limping to the bathroom butt naked with a penis that could light santa's way when my gf's room mate comes out of her room right in front of me. She screams and jumps back into her room. She would never look me in the eye again after that night.

So, my gf is in the shower and I'm trying to rinse off in the sink. At this point she's freaked out because she has to go the hosipital and how could she ever explain this to a doctor. To calm her I recommend calling poison control to see if we actually need to go the ER.

I call and get this lady who sounds like she a truck stop waiteress. I try to explain what's going on but I'm stumbling over my words, not sure how to present the situation and she final says, "listen, I've heard it all before, just be a man and tell me."

So i tell her I just ****ed my gf with Icey Hot. She responds, "Oh, that's it? I though something serious happened. She'll be fine".

I cant believe I took like 25minutes to type this out xD

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If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so. ~ Thomas Jefferson

the naked drain pipe one; Can you imagine what that looked like when you picture some dude running down the street, bare ass with his girlfriends father in pursuit? I picture the girlfriends dad as the guy from Happy Gilmore that took the nail in the head.

The Icey hot, lollolololololo if there is something else that is funnier than that (outside of what Plazz has to offer in flatulents) I'd sure like to read it!

this grl was having a 3 some while her boyfriend was away and 1 of the guys thought that fake tan lotion was lube so he used that and the next day she had hand prints on her a** and tits and her boyfriend came back the next day lol