Post navigation

Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 93

Day 622: I spent most of this week observing the patrol routes of Lusipurr’s drones. It appears that their batteries only last a few hours before they need to return to the stronghold and recharge. They enter Castle Lusipurr through a small door near the top of a cliff. That is my way in. If I can create an explosive device using the material in this warehouse, I believe I can take down the stronghold. And, hopefully, Lusipurr himself. I can fix this world. I can fix this life. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

I always assume that anyone who really, and I mean REALLY, likes anime is a pedophile. Like, maybe they do not know it, it is just repressed. Or maybe it is something they know, but they would never act upon. This game just solidifies my opinion. This appears to be some sort of alternate history RPG where a 14 year old basically runs Nazi Germany. Oh, and it is also made using RPG Maker, so we already know just based off that this is going to be garbage. The main character also appears to be an alien with some sort of planet sticking out of her head? I would not be surprised if there are a few (i.e. tons) of upskirt shots of this 14 year old girl. But it is okay, because she is just a cartoon. Right? That does not make you a pedophile for enjoying this. Right? Wait, are those police sirens I hear?

And continuing our crappy anime game theme, here is another one! This one already angers me, because of the title. The developer probably thought he or she was SO clever to do a twist on the old “trick or treat” phrase. Like, naw… we got both tricks AND treats in this. “One of the legends of the town of Abingdon is that Oakwood forest is cursed.” Okay, first off, that is a dumb as heck name for a town. “Abingdon” does not really scream “SPOOKY” to me. “In Halloween…” Whoops, hold up a second. “IN” Halloween? What? Unless Halloween is a physical place, this does not make sense. Also, when I first typed this I wrote “Halloweed” and lol’d to myself for a while. #420 “…at midnight, driven by curiosity, Alex, Steven and Alfred go to the forest to investigate.” Yes, all the typical names for children. Alex, Steven, and ALFRED. Seriously, name one person named Alfred in the last 30 years. “Then Alex is mysteriously separated from his friends by an unknown force. What fate awaits him? Can Alex find his friends and get out from the forest?” Who gives a crap? This game has horrible art, a horrible story, and a horrible… uh… third thing.

Best Comment: Haruya Mizuki: “Please make an effort toward drawing well even if it’s free.”

Hey, remember those annoying sliding puzzles that nobody every actually likes to play, yet developers keep putting them in games anyway? How about an entire game of them? Yep, I think this is garbage too! “Our Wonderful World is a slider puzzle game, featuring 180 beautiful images in various themes. Keep playing to unlock images of our wonderful world from animals to images of cake! Who doesn’t love cake?!?!” LOL CAKE! Cake is so funny and random! LOL BUT WHAT IF THE CAKE IS A LIE?! HAHAHAHA REMEMBER THAT JOKE?! REMEMBER THAT JOKE FROM THAT ONE GAME? IT IS STILL FUNNY AND RELEVANT HAHAHAHAHAHA (kill me). “Unique to this game is the ability to use your own images so there’s never a dull moment. Go ahead, vote YES if you like it.” Yes, never a dull moment… playing the same type of puzzle over and over again. But it is never dull! Right? My life is disgusting.

9 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 93”

Bup was in rare form this week. There’s always a bit of discomfort behind the laughter, however. Ever stop to think that these games really exist and weren’t just created by Bup for this week’s roundup? Think about that for a moment – every game Bup makes fun of is a REAL GAME, and they usually cost money. Seem like a nightmare come to life? It is. In a a little place I call Halloween (the actual place, not October 31).

Usually the games featured are offensibly bad assaults to all senses, terrible in concept, execution, and description, but these just seem like standard dreck. Good luck, Bup! But don’t fall prey to a false sense of security…

What the hell? These games! Sometimes, I just feel like Jim Sterling, you know, 400 lbs, annoying voice, stupid “Im better than most people” attitude… but thats not the point Im making, the point I am making is that I feel like Jim Sterling when I see these games. Who the hell thinks these are good ideas?