Stan Lee Got Accused Of Sexual Assault

11 months ago

It’s 2018, so if you’re a man and remotely famous, you’re gonna be accused of sexual assault or rape, because that’s what hot right now. You can even be put on a Shitty Media Men spreadsheet by anonymous people, but the Internet will meltdown if the woman who created it might get outed. Now, I guess it’s Stan Lee‘s turn. Stan Lee who is 95. Stan Lee who is 95 and has nurses come to his house. Stan Lee who has never been accused of this in 94 years. Per Daily Mail:

Comic book legend Stan Lee has been hit with several allegations of sexual assault and harassment by nurses caring for him at his Hollywood Hills home, DailyMail.com can reveal. The Marvel creator, 95, is alleged to have repeatedly groped and harassed a string of young female nurses employed to care for him. He is said to have asked for oral sex in the shower, walked around naked and wanted to be ‘pleasured’ in the bedroom. Stan is an old man who has seemingly lost his way. ‘He doesn’t seem to care what people think of him, he’s lost his filter. There has been a stream of young nurses coming to his house in West Hollywood and he has been sexually harassing them. He finds it funny. ‘He walks around naked and is vulgar towards the women, he asks them for oral sex in the shower and wants to be pleasured in his bedroom. He uses the word p***y and f**k in their presence. ‘He’s also very handsy and has groped some of the women, it’s unacceptable behavior, especially from an icon like Stan.’

Wait, you’re telling me a 95-year-old man has “lost his filter”? Get outta here. You’re talking crazy talk. He’s obviously a sexual predator like Harvey Weinstein and should be burned at the stake. Or, you know, we could like take a step the fuck back put down the pitchforks. Take it away, Artist Formerly Known As “Fish” (now at Medium)!

But as it stands, the entire breadth of the accusations against him are that an elderly man in his 90s is propositioning nurses, which is exactly part of the job when you’re working in goddamn elder care regardless of gender. Is it shitty that nurses have to deal with old dudes whipping out their old dicks? Absolutely. Is that what they get paid to deal with? Also absolutely. There’s a reason grandma or grandpa need around-the-clock care. Their brains are old as shit. And when it’s old as shit (a.k.a. dying) it stops working like it used to even if they were the most prim and proper sonofabitch to ever walk the earth. Welcome to the grim butt-fuck of life.

My grandmother was in a nursing home for five years and every time I visited her, I was the social media definition of sexually assaulted by old women and men. Most of them also thought Kennedy was President and a Coke cost a nickel. So I just brushed it off. I also saw way too many old man dicks. Those men were also needed a nurse to wipe applesauce from their mouths. Like, that’s what old ass people do. Now, go pay $15 to see the new Avengers movie or whatever.