FUNGDARK MEDIA

Monday, August 31, 2009

Since it's Monday and it's the 3 day anniversary of last Friday I would like to dedicate this post to all the awesome couples out there "keeping it real.....fucking strange".

Is the kid above enjoying what is going on and just being coy? Did he lose a "major bet"? Is white thing wearing black alive or dead or both?

Well at least the bros know know to look at a goddamn camera. At first glance you might think this picture was from the 80's but if you look closely at that Pepsi can I am pretty sure this is from the last 8-10 years...coincidentally the same amount of time the Fashion Police sentenced these bastards to.

"Hey Dad, after Dr. Satan get's done making you pretty wanna go out for drinks?"

I know we have all seen the douche bag guido pics a million times but I thought this one was extra special. I am sure he worked REALLY hard on getting that makeup just right. I think it really brings out the blue in his eyes... am I right?

Nothing says "Imperialistic Westerner" like making out on two separate horses whilst drowning a local.

She is she showing the camera how much run n' coke she is going to have to drink to fuck this guy. Oh wait...she is really ugly also. What is going on here?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I was accidentally on 4Chan today and came across this picture and immediately recognized my rug that was stolen a few years ago. It's obviously being used in some sort of "home invasion" robbery capacity at this point, but I really would like it back if anybody has any info I would appreciate it. But I AM glad to see that is was being used to comfort at least one victim of it's current possessors, good to see it's still doing some good in the world.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Do you know what is really stupid? When a company trying to sell their services comes to your work and offers a total piece of garbage to you in hopes of tricking you into purchasing and or signing up for whatever shit they have to offer you. On some very rare occasions it might be something you actually need/want like a 2 for one membership to Costco, but all the other times they are total shit. Last week this place brought in a couple chair masseuses "back rubbers".

Before you get your chair rub they have you fill out a list of what ails ya and with the pretense that they are going "work" on that problem during your chair rub but in actuality they are going to hard sell you on going to see the Chiropractor they work for. So if you feel the need to have some fat chick with a nose ring rub her wet fish hands all over your shoulder blade for 7 minuets just check all the "no" boxes on the form and they wont fuck with you. They reason I bring this up is because today some shitty bank I have never heard of is coming into our office with a "Brownbad Lunch Identity Theft Workshop" from the sound of that you might think that they are bringing in some food in brownbags for you to eat whilst you listen to their tips on avoiding identity theft but NOOOOOOOOOO we are supposed to bring in our OWN lunch and they are going to provide desert I mean dessert (you always want TWO desserts but only ONE desert my second grade teacher taught us) so not only do I get to spend my lunch time eating shitty food I brought from home I have to listen to some douchbag tell me not to through shit with my name and SSN number on it into the trash?!?!?

Fuck you!!! Take my SSN AND my identity! Then YOU can pay my $1600 a month interest only mortgage on a house that I owe ONE HUNDRED AND TEN THOUSANDS DOLLARS more than it's worth. Good luck trying to open up a credit card in my name...I filed for bankruptcy 5 years ago and I am so BAD with money that I am now in collections for $80 from Proactive because they keep sending it to you whether you want it or not... WTF?

But at least they are targeting the right people, anybody that goes to this thing is definitely the type of person that will give out their bank account numbers and mothers maiden name to the "guy from the bank" that is calling from the blocked number to "verify some recent charges" Have a good lunch retards...don't get your hand caught in the shredder, oh yea I forgot, they are raffling off a paper shredder, I better get going!!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I have been hearing about this fucking movie since Titanic was still in theaters and I have been moderately excited. Even excited enough to secure my spot at this Friday's 16 mins preview commercial. But after watching THIS TRAILER I might be better off spending that 16 mins praying for the salvation of James Cameron's soul...if he has one left that is.

So I am pretty sick of looking for the "sic pic" of the day so I am going to just put up whatever the fuck I want without the constraints of something being "sic". Sometimes I just want to look at a bad ass pic of Gay jesus. I think we should all be more inclusive of thing like genres of pictures, that's what jesus would have wanted. I had an idea for a shirt last night...jesus spinning on a stripper pole then turning 1's into 20's...because he can!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

If I was Jesse and this was the kind of shit this chick was getting me for my B-Day I would have moved also... OR killed myself. Why does she keep looking off camera? Is someone directing this? Does she have a script she is reading? Why doesn't Jesses have facebook? Why didn't she make this video private? Where did she get those awesome balloon graphics? These are all really important questions I fear will never be answered...except for the private one...its because Jesse didn't accept her youtube friend request, this video only has 3 views as of this post and I bet NONE of them are Jesse.

Friday, August 14, 2009

So Chris Elliot must have banged a pretty hot chick because his daughter is pretty normal and kinda good looking. And he totally isn't so Abby Elliot's mom had to have been super hot to even it out. If any of this video is based on reality then Gwyneth Paltrow learned how to cook from Portia de Rossi.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The problem with advances in technology is that it leaves people with WAY to much free time on their hands. If we all had to get up at 3AM and milk cows then plow a field for 12 hours all the time worrying about one of our 14 kids getting scurvy we would not have nearly enough time to dress up like sexy snow leopards.

Here are some more crazy ass fetishes to get into since you have the time over at buzzfeed.com

What in the name of all things holy is wrong with people? At least the person handling the poo has the sense to wear gloves. Bestscat.com?!?!?!? If this is the best scat I want to see the worst scat. I have the heepy jeebies right now. BLARF!

Update....I couldn't take it anymore...I had to put up a "pink box" version, click through for the uncensored...or don't, in fact you probably shouldn't.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Sunburns are the worst, the only thing I can think of that would be worse than a sunburn is burns from a fire that melt your fat off etc... The only thing I can think of that would be worse than THAT is having sunburn all over your body then laying down on a fake leather couch with no clothes on. Actually I take that back, that isn't the shitty part, the shitty part is when you try to get up and you are fucking stuck to pleather like egg yoke in cast iron skillet. I hope this chick made a lot of money for this shit...she totally didn't.

I know that for years Robert Dinero's work in Video 21 was considered the best we would ever see and THEN, along came Daniel Day Lewis and we can be honest here, BLEW Bobby D out of the water. So I guess in the "digital age" it's inevitable that we would get this groundbreaking performance from a previously unknown kid premiered on Youtube of all places. The part about the carrots gives me chills every time.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

What the shit is wrong with people that someone probably whacked it to this picture. I bet it's the same kid that got caught sucking on the cows udders on the 4th grade field trip to the dairy. That's right Josh Leskowski I still remember that shit! You freak.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Derrick Comedy is apparently really awesome and to celebrate their awesomeness they are making a full length movie that will come out in 7 theaters spread out across the country. Because people only want to see movies about toys from the 80's fucking each other up.

So apparently this is a whole "system" that you can get for "free" by going to their site womenchaseme.com For FREE you will know EVERYTHING there is to know about fun, flirty, sexy women. I can't wait to find out the number TWO most common mistake in online dating. I bet it has something to do with anal raping and Komodo Dragons. I would have thought that would be more important than filling out forms but what the fuck do I know? I know I hate you is what I know.

PS I know that buzzing sound is really annoying but not nearly as annoying as the actual chick in the video so just ignore it, which coincidentally is probably the "secret" to getting women. They HATE to be ignored.

I have been throwing up a lot of fat chicks recently, just kidding they are to fat. But I have been posting them so I thought I would go the opposite direction, just like the two "women" above did. I don't know about you but I am REALLY enjoying the way the one on the right left the top button undone on those sexy J shorts.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Hey it's Friday and this is what you get ok? The artist that made this picture had the creativity to call this masterpiece "Fat Nasty White Bitch" and I think we can all agree that he is pretty accurate if not a little disturbed. But then again you just looked at it and continued on reading below it so who are you to judge? Oh SHIT! I just noticed that there is a dude trapped underneath? I wonder if that is Baby Jessica all grown up taking revenge on... the people that made they well I guess?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

My "Asian" (I have no idea what country this is from) is a little rusty but from what I can tell by picking English sounding words out of this complete gibberish, is that this is an instructional video detailing what you should do after someone (your Doctor?) squirts thawed semen into your hands from a test tube. Apparently you should immediately clean your TV then mop the floor! Got it? OK good.

Holy Fucking Shit! I was checking out the website from my hometown newspaper in Idaho (no, You da Ho) the Post Register because I figured there was bound to be something insane there to tell you all about, and boy was I right. They have a whole section dedicated to "A Hardcore Look at Porn and Sexual Addiction" and they called it Pandora's BoXXX for god's sake. The whole is super fucking Mormon and the whole point of this is to stop porn and sexual addition and cool shit like that. But the name poses a serious question for me, either they are SOOO smart they gave it the most awesome sounding name in history that they were guaranteed to get visits from their exact target demo (sick porn addicts ie you and your Dad) trying to get a peak at Pandora's Box... OR, and I suspect this is in fact the case they were just trying to make a scary sounding pun and have no fucking idea how porn, internet, porn on the internet and searching for porn on the internet works.

What is the shit is going on in this picture. I am going to assume that he was giving the one chick a piggy back ride just having a nice day off and the other one asked if he wanted to give her an "Alabama Hotpocket" and follow it up with nice "Rusty Nail". You can only imagine how that would go over in the 1600's or yesterday for that matter.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I am pretty sure this is a photo my friend Travis took in the bathroom after he shit his pants when he was trying to fart while we were playing basketball. He went inside and washed his "tighty whities" in our friends sink then ended up throwing them away anyways. So what was the point of washing them if you are not going to wear them back to school when lunch is over?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I think lot's of people should send them (Sunset Television) some money so they can make more episodes. That's just me though, but I think I speak for lot's of people when I say things like "That's just me though"