Seattle University's Satire Magazine

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This isn’t satire. I just want to vent about this very real thing that happened.
Many of us were studying for our next test. I wasn’t, I was watching YouTube videos. BUT, I know that a lot of people were studying! It was a peaceful evening in one of the busiest weeks of the quarter.
In an instant, the shrill cries from the alarms burst forth in every room of every Archbishop Murphy building. Beeping the likes of which you’ve never heard drove herds of students out of their cozy rooms and into the cold. Many of us were ill-prepared for the elements. I recount the wind chilling me straight to the bone.
Then, in very militaristic fashion, the RAs corralled away from the apartments and toward the intramural field, where we were instructed to wait for the drill to end. Well, I didn’t get corralled per se, as I chose to escape the crowd and take shelter from the cold in the Campion Lobby. BUT, I know that many of my peers were herded out into the cold and kept there like animals!
Ultimately the fire drill concluded and students returned to their rooms, demoralized and defeated by the event. I wasn’t with those students at the time, as I had gone downstairs to the cave in order to purchase a sandwich. BUT, I am confident that this wasteful and ill-timed fire drill cost SU students untold value in study time and rest. For shame, Murphy staff! For shame.
— Ronnie Dhoads