North Melbourne Posts

It’s hard to write much about the game itself. It was probably the most accurate encapsulation of a rather odd season in one game – plenty of missed chances at goal, fluffed opportunities from the goal square, a demonstration of the gap between ourselves and the lower teams, a lot of Seb Ross and Jack Steven, some Hotline and Gresham, the looming presence of My Favourite Hair in the AFL and his future, not much Mav Weller, absolutely no David Armitage.

There was also eight marks taken and two goals kicked by said My Favourite Hair. After almost a full season of chatter about whether or not he’d play on in 2018, a few weeks ago we officially got our answer. Sunday was the kind of day that seemed unfathomable for so long, and for how sad his lap of honour in front of a St Kilda home crowd was, this Sunday afternoon will be very difficult.

All of a sudden this has become more real. Given the ridiculous moments and lapses that underpinned the Port Adelaide and Melbourne matches in recent weeks we now have an almost certain end date. This was a dry run for Sunday, but even then there plenty of tears around the stadium after the match.

It was a borderline dead rubber and realistically was played in that manner. Plenty of open play, a lack of real urgency that you can sense when a season is still to be played for, and some comical errors. The Acres to Sinclair to Dunstan slapstick was the headline act; the Gilbert banana goal overturned for a throw to him, and then Gresham’s sneaky pounce goal from the resulting North free kick was a close second.

The lack of urgency was something you could sense from the start. North’s win-loss record belies how competitive they’ve been this year and after the disappointment of the previous week I wasn’t going to be surprised if we were a little flat and caught off our guard. If Brown hadn’t have hit the post they would have had six goals for the opening term, including two goals in last 26 seconds.

The match day entertainment again fell a little flat on quarter time owing again to some, uh, Jake Carlisle-based issues after all the faux-drama of his pre-match. The club obviously doesn’t and shouldn’t take into account scuffles on flowing beyond the siren of any quarter, but for the second time this year Emma Davenport has been put into the position that she has to bring a family friendly and/or feel-good segment to the crowd on the big-screen when everyone’s wound up (or whatever the equivalent was for Sunday) and absolutely not in the headspace. It happened on three-quarter time of the infamous Blues match earlier this year when she had to bring us “Saints in the Seats” after Murphy had a crack at Jake Carlisle who was lying on the ground after being smacked in the nuts, following everything else that had been yelled about between players during the game. The mood was heated, Carlton had frustrated the Saints (except for Hotline) all day, and I ended up screaming at him that he was a “fucking dog” and “weak prick” immediately afterwards (with a small child directly in front of our membership seats), and sending out an ill-informed tweet that I deleted later. Carlisle was involved this time too, but much more actively in that moment. He managed to get reported twice after almost not making it out there. His back seized up in the pre, pre-match warm-up and it looked like Brandon White was going to come in (he shouldn’t have come out in the first place, really). But the big screen cut to the rooms just minutes before they ran out and he was doing whatever handball drill they were doing, and then bizarrely he ran out by himself – again, wonderfully, in the long-sleeves – for a quick kick-to-kick with a trainer before running back in, and then running back out with everyone else. He was still reaching for his back as the team came out from the banner and was clearly in no shape to do the bullshit mini-sprint drill. Whilst whatever jab he’d probably received eventually kicked in, he wasn’t able to take Brown, so Brown was on Brown, and Brown would have had a much dirtier day if Brown had kicked straight, because Brown just couldn’t keep up with him on the lead nor compete with Brown in the air. For as long as North were taking it up to our mids, Brown was looming as a key player and it was looking like the Coleman Medal might have “Brown” etched on it soon. Brown had to stay on Brown for the entire match. That’s about how many times I heard that line used during the game from someone in the crowd, to go with the constant high decibels emitted from the mouthy kids that sit directly behind my eardrums.

Billings and Gresham’s polished finishes in the opening term at the Riewoldt end be damned, we were going to send Roo off from the stadium the best way this team knows how – by missing goal after goal after goal. The aforementioned Blacres/Sinclair/Dunstan job was obviously the highlight, which shows just how bad it was given it was competing for a spot amongst the plethora of entries in a season-reflecting, season-beating 4.11 for the quarter. That included 15 consecutive forward-50 entries for the return of 3.11, and keep in mind Sav kicked a goal from a set shot after the siren.

Josh Bruce kicked things off of course; Jack Steven ensured he still incredibly has not kicked a goal from a set shot this season, Dunstan missed a set shot, Billings missed a snap around the corner from deep in the pocket, Blacres and Seb missed too.

Jack Steven picked up 40 touches but in a year that he obviously struggled for attention I think we’re mostly over what his ceiling is. His kicking can be haphazard and he’s kicked 6.15 this year. He’s obviously not the only one afflicted with the team-wide illness and perhaps that’s something that might be contained to 2017, but that’s still what he’s bringing to the team right now. A particularly soft effort in front of the members in the last quarter had me rushing to “Nick Riewoldt would never do that” thoughts, but with the improvement of Seb Ross, the form of Luke Dunstan in the five games since returning to the team and the development left in Jack Steele and Blacres it’s the depth and to a certain point the versatility that those on the list currently will bring. Armo may or may not exist anymore, Gresham and Billings are better suited to the “high half-forward” roles, Sinclair and Newnes are different types of wings, Koby Stevens has probably shown his best (not such a bad thing) and Freeman may not even get out there. The list is still incomplete, which is right now is an exciting thing.

The real X-factor in that list is Blacres, who brings speed, acceleration and size in a way the others don’t to what still looks like a blue-collar side. He’s one of the few guys in the team that are willing, let alone able, to break through traffic and create new angles on the line of play, as well as releasing and bringing other teammates into the game and affecting movement in the process. His disposal still needs work and he still comes across as an airhead at times, but I still think his progression and style is a this-decade version of BJ. He’s also got the size to go into attack and play as a lead-up forward, and his set shot kicking is much better than most – his goal from the pocket was very, very nice. Maybe the calamity that was the Port finish is slowly fading (maybe), and Blacres played arguably the key role in that. So when he kicks into the man on the mark just outside the 50 metre arc late in the game and then runs over and pushes the guy over, gets the ball and gives it off to a player running past (Sav) for a goal, that shows development and certainly makes us a feel a little better (for the moment).

Blue-collar tag perhaps, but as Billings, Gresham, Sinclair and Acres all become more prominent those small spikes of class are showing through. Billings’ and Gresham’s goals were a tease for what this year could have brought more often but also for the wait over the off-season ahead, and does anyone dare say that Sinclair’s finesse in dancing around his opponent and kicking that third quarter goal was…Harvey-esque? It’s much easier to bring in the comparison given he’s wearing 35, but even his hair is getting gradually suspiciously bigger as he gets better.

One thing that might have popped out of Richo’s post-match press conference was how unequivocal Richo was about Gilbert playing next year. Brandon White was dropped which was strange, but who else do you take out when you’ve gotta play Nick? He’s obviously not in danger or losing a place on the list or anything, and he’s one of the most promising guys we’ve drafted over the past decade going on their first handful of games. But next year will be different, and if surely we couldn’t play both Joey and Gilbert the entire year, although that’s more of a Joey conversation than Gilbert conversation. Gilbert has shown more intent than many of his teammates throughout the year, and no one would deny him that. If anything his game has actually improved, but is that at the cost (potentially) of developing White and D-Mac and Rice? Will there be enough improvement from the younger guys across the rest of the team that would justify playing a guy who’s turning 32 (albeit towards the end of the season – he just turned 31 last week) in the side?

That only 29,000 turned up is a blight on the wider St Kilda fanbase. I found it strange Richo and Jack Steven (i.e. the club) went out of their way to point out what a great turnout it was. The club has more than 42,000 members, and it was almost embarrassing when the crowd number went up on the screen. Not just that the number itself was low, but because looking around the ground fuck me if there was actually anywhere near 29,000 there. What else does it take to get Saints fans to turn up? It’s a beautiful day and the Corporate Dome still has a closed roof for our “comfort” (i.e. enhancement of match day garbage), but since that long ago time in which we were a competitive side, we’ve gone from not turning up at the open MCG under any circumstances to not turning up to an historical home match with all components of a TV studio.

Conversely, I’ve really started challenging what I expect and should want to get from this football club for a host of reasons. Its incompetence has an almost unblemished record of more than 14 decades to point to as a get-out clause for fans, who most recently got to see the club piss away more than a decade despite having the biggest non-AFL gifted armoury of top draft picks. But this is the legacy of this particular one individual that the club – which has had to celebrate individuals in lieu of its own success – will need build on if it wants find the promised land. Turn up.

The sadness of the moment post-match probably caught a lot of people off-guard. Yes, this had definitely become a real thing. It was hard to not tear up (if you hadn’t already) as Roo ran the final lap in front of the home fans. The future might be a very uncertain place without him, and for as long as he was around there was a link to the teams of 2004-05 and those that came so close to a premiership. For as long as he was around those heights seemed maybe not so far away. Once he’s gone we’re going to be looking to a lot of difference faces and a lot of different people. There might be an element of fear in that for supporters. I certainly feel it. I certainly shed a few tears as I crossed the Bourke Street bridge and headed for the tram. This is an event for St Kilda, and for St Kilda supporters.

Barring the kind of miracle in the final round of 2008 that gave us a slim chance of a premiership for Sir Robert (of course it didn’t eventuate), this Sunday will be the last time Saint Nick runs out in a St Kilda jumper. Embrace it, enjoy it, appreciate it.

There are different types of wins. “A win is a win” is a phrase used to describe a type of win, rather than throw a blanket over wins. The result after a grinding two hours in a concrete dome and four weeks of disappointment generally is probably about right for this.

At quarter-time, Dad, Matt, Richie and I moved from our Aisle 44, Level 1 seats that were being flogged on the cheap to four of the many, many free seats in the several bays immediately next to us, and sat ourselves in Row F. I don’t know how the North fans felt they stacked up in terms of turnout, but even after recent weeks feel like Saints fans still didn’t have an excuse to not rock up to this one. It certainly felt in the lead up as if no-one was left on our bandwagon. Three heavy losses to quality opponents, and then a week that saw Paddy out with a surprise injury, Carlisle under a cloud and Hugh Goddard out for the year, just because. The official crowd number I’m sure was bullshit, and whatever it was by game’s end it was probably deserving of the spectacle, but that’s not really how it works. We have a record membership but things always feel a little volatile at the Saints.

Aggressive /əˈɡrɛsɪv/ adj.

Taggers might just be back. There were a few things to learn out of this one. Jack Steven’s mullet was probably overrated. Not for its size – you can’t argue with physics – but for its supposed cultural impact. The G-Train’s receding hairline plus mullet number was far more organic and conducive to his on-field personality and game style, in an era that Channel 9’s rights to the TV coverage was turbocharging the idea of footballers as glamorous and well-connected celebrities.

Jack Steven’s ability to handle a tag is still a little up in the air. North threw second-gamer Declan Mountford in to watch him and Stuv hadn’t reached double-figures by the time Richo put him forward late in the second quarter (am I giving too much credit to Richo there?). However, Mountford wasn’t with him and Stuv kicked two goals late in the quarter that busted the game apart – the first a classy snap working off Higgins deep in the pocket and the second a crumbing goal via some quick thinking in a tight space in the goalmouth. On a night when Lonie, Mav Gresham and to a point the newly-christened Latte Billings were all having trouble rewarding the hard work up the ground, Stuv had enough quality in him to make the most of his chances.

The improvement of Seb Ross this year has been more than timely. That kind of trajectory is what we’ll be hoping for from players across the ground regardless of whether we land someone like Kelly or Martin, but right now he’s a genuinely good midfielder that can be particularly damaging. “If Steven can’t shake a tag then Ross is still free to do what he does” is a sentence that finished very differently even at the end of last season. Ross doesn’t have the speed of Steven but he has developed an acceleration that probably wasn’t present even last year, and that he’s utilised to good effect this year. The extra second he’s able to hold on to the ball allows anyone ahead of the ground to sort out what they’re doing and provide an option. Until Acres becomes more consistent, and/or Freeman/Kelly etc. come into the team this type of thing will be hugely important to the team. I never thought I’d say this but Ross become a rather dynamic player – his inside game is also strong, he’s now actually a kick and his hair is not that bad.

The midfield set-up sans Jack Steele seemed to work, but again the question about the Saints of 2017 – almost certain to prove the transitional pathway to the Saints of 2018 by personnel and dynamic – is about intent. I don’t think it would have mattered too much if the choice Steele of Dunstan would of made a tangible difference. The hunting in numbers was ferocious in tight, the aggression at the ball

Listen to the fans(?)

Richo was genuinely under the SEN/Twitter/BigFooty “news” cycle pressure for the first time, reflected in a growing divergence between where he publicly appeared to apportion reasoning for the trio of shocker showings and the personnel played, and what the fans believed to be the best thing for the club (this obviously varies wildly). It felt like this had hit some sort of crescendo when Richo revealed in the late-week press conference that Steele would be dropped. The reaction prompted Twitter to have its own article about it trending.

Perhaps Richo was thinking it was time for some tough love. Dropping Bruce had prompted his best game on his return, on a night in which we’d only kicked three goals at the final change. Perhaps the coaches are it will have the same effect on Steele? And maybe put others on notice too.

Dunstan has been see perhaps too one-dimensional and I think right now we’re hoping for a Seb Ross-style stealth development from him, gradually adding layers to his game. He showed off the upside of his inside work early as well as his newfound decent disposal, running to receive the footy that was turned over by Lachie Hansen’s chest mark drop on the wing and kicking beautifully to Bruce. The kick at goal was a huge reward for the passage that signalled the team’s intentions. Shortly afterwards he bulldozed through traffic on the opposite wing for two hard balls with a dish out to Lonie who kicked the first of incredibly rare back-to-back bullet passes. Gilbert to Billings was the second, and you can throw in Billings’ finish for the third if you like.

It was the lowered kicks and a distinct lack of clang that made Dunstan’s game seem much more like the Luke Dunstan of early 2014; a bolter in the 2018-2022 Premiership Captain stakes and what appeared to be our first draft pick since the Roo, Kosi, Lenny, Dal, etc. generation to make an immediate impact. The fear has been the ceiling was reached far too early, but if Seb Ross is what Seb Ross is now then I’m willing to accept Dunstan could follow a similar trajectory. His numbers of 18 possessions, six tackles and the token skewed set shot at goal felt like they said a lot more than his 28 touches against Carlton.

Maybe Dunstan will be one of those that answer the wake-up call of being dropped back to the broken-down Sandy. Bruce has now played his best two games for the year since returning from his omission.

A couple of issues come out of this immediately. Firstly, Sandy has the bye, meaning Steele has to wait at least one more week just to get the chance to prove himself, and I doubt he’ll come straight back in if Dunstan and Koby Stevens are still fit – not to mention Armo looking at a return to Sandy in a couple of weeks. That leads us to the second issue, which is team balance. I doubt our midfield can get by with all of Steele, Stevens and Dunstan in the same side, let alone throwing Armo in there as well, as much as I think Armo is quite possible cooked.

With the ongoing My Favourite Hair in the AFL and Joey situations, team balance is going to be a talking point throughout the rest of the year, regardless of how our season is travelling. Richo rather candidly said in the post-match that Paddy wouldn’t play in the same team with Roo, Membrey and Bruce. . “It’s unlikely, I reckon. That would be a bit unbalanced for us.” Usually the coaches give something a little more open-ended but Richo really put the acid on the forwards to perform, even if it’s only injury that takes them out of the team rather than form

Roo collected 21 possessions and kicked 0.3 – if he’d kicked straight we’d be praising him but instead we’ve got Sam Edmund going straight for the proverbial on the issue before the players have had time to hand the footys out to whichever smaller, younger humans are near the fence after the game. He played his roaming game and it still looks a little undefined but there’s no one with the same versatility and presence as him at the club.

Bruce didn’t have the stats guys working too hard but seven marks and two goals belied the quality of his contributions. His opening goal reminds not just his teammates but the opposition that anywhere up to 55 metres out from goal can be a dangerous part of the ground, and it was his strong contested mark at the back of the centre square and excellent kick to Roo on the wing that allowed the play to turn from Sam Gilbert being tackled hard up against the boundary in the back pocket to a Membrey goal in short time.

For his part, Membrey was one who set the tone early with very simple, straightforward attack on the ball. Much of it was working up the field and at ground level, showing a more agile side. We know he has good body strength given his presence in one-on-one contests (in tandem with his positioning instincts) and it was refreshing to see him use it differently, forcing a contest from a spilled ball or just making sure it was a Saint that was first to it even with contact or the boundary coming. That’s the kind of thing that says something to rest of the team, and again, the opposition.

When it matters

An encouraging aspect of this one was that there was no particular stand-out player that had to carry things. Membrey certainly wasn’t the only one playing their part and showing the oft-mentioned aggression that had been lacking in previous weeks. Stevens, Weller, Dunstan, Ross, Geary (C), Gilbert and Newnes all showed it from the start and through the first half in particular. Like Ross, Newnes has slowly grown his game to the point where each of the key elements of his game have become better and better over time – his decision making with the ball, his kicking, and particularly his attack at the ball at the contest – we could hear the hit of his contest with Tarrant from our seats in the pocket at the other end of the ground. In that space, Geary was excellent in picking his moments to go and when to leave his man and hit a contest again, and is obviously leading the 2018-2022 Premiership Captain betting as the incumbent, but for mine Newnes would be leading the rest.

It’s been made clear by Richo that when he talks about “aggression” it’s in reference to how we are with the footy, not just defensively. A little strangely this might have been best epitomised by Billings’ solo effort in the first quarter that resulted in his first overturned goal. A long kick to square had him outpositioned for the mark so he force the ball down front and centre. As Mav came though with his bandaged head (probably feeling pretty excellent about himself for it, too), Billings had spun around in the area and landed without any inhibition, and immediately stepped into the dangerous space to get the handpass from Roo.

Hotline Latte finished with 2.4 and eight tackles, and looked distraught when he fluffed his shot late in the game that looked set to deliver his third goal (for the third time that night). I thought someone should have given him a hug – he’d made a huge impact across the ground when the game was alive – but I’m hoping he’s well past letting those non-goals get to him in future games. Richo said after the game about the reviews, “If that happens in a Grand Final, then it’s a good thing”. It was frustrating on Friday night but I think we’d all agree with that. We’ve been there before.

The small forward line-up remains in limbo. Mav is still trying to do far too much when he gets the ball and not impacting the scoreboard enough. Gresham kicked 1.3 and would have had a much more if he’d kicked straight and like any forward, your game becomes a lot different if those numbers are improved on paper. He probably made an impact high up the ground for the first time in his career – his soccer-style control of the ball off half-back was a good one for the highlights reel – and I’d be keeping him after this one. Lonie had been anointed by the customary posting of a VFL highlights package to the club site during the week, followed by “In the Mix” hero shot. He’s kind of like a Gresham but way too excited. A couple of handy possessions here and there were ok but he, too can try and do too much with the ball. He tried to outdo Jeremy Howe in the last quarter when he simply should have stayed down from the pack, having a few minutes earlier attempted a 40-metre dribbler close to the boundary without looking inboard. Fortunately the game was already done. You could say he just needs to calm himself down and his missed shot from close range in the second quarter would suggest that. Interestingly it was Acres, Mav, and Lonie that all contributed something commendable to the chain that ended with Gresham’s goal late, with Lonie thinking his way through a tackle expertly.

He was one of our better players throughout and it was Jack Sinclair that had enough composure to kick the goal on the run and effectively ice the game just before the final change, after eight straight behinds from late in the second quarter. Since coming into the team in Round 6 he’s shown class and quality across the ground, delivering on the promise he’d shown in 2015, and in a role he’d struggled a little with last season. He makes purposeful, creative decisions and delivers on them. It’s a simple equation but players who can do that regularly really do stand out.

The rear end

Aside from a few nervous moments early when Waite got off Carlisle to kick the first and it looked as though Jake might be carrying more than he’d let on through the week. Richo said in the post-match that that he didn’t mention many individuals to the group after the game, but that he did point out Carlisle (incidentally, he said Bruce was one other that he mentioned). This appeared to be more to do with how he approached the week and the preparation, which is an excellent sign in itself. But by three-quarter time he was part of a defence that had only given away 4.9. Nathan Brown didn’t get a kick and only had six handballs for the game – going head-to-head with ball repellent Billy Longer – but they both did what they had to collectively on Ben Brown and Waite, and allowed Webster, Gilbert and Roberton to ply their trade as rebounding defenders, with Roberton back to his better form and Webster establishing himself as one of our most important and best-skilled players. The Carlisle and Brown combination is good if the midfielders and any players around the stoppages are aggressive (St Kilda Word of 2017) and use the ball cleanly going forward; i.e. if they give Carlisle and Brown an even shot at things. With Hugh out for the season again we’re going to really be hoping they both stay fit this year.

It’s also given more impetus for those keen on Joey to maintain his place in the team. All the Dermie faff from the previous weekend aside I’d been thinking that after all these years his experience was still only good for his loopy kicks no matter what the situation. Friday night didn’t particularly change my mind. Despite a couple of really good contributions, including a brilliant long kick on the rebound to Roo on the lead (Roo missed the goal of course), he still made some weird errors (not as weird as the 50-metre penalty Billy Longer gave away in the first quarter though). Most of these were confined to the first quarter – a high kick loopy out of defence to a contest featuring tall timber Jack Lonie, which came back with interest to Higgins for a shot at goal; he got the ball kicked up his arse by Newnes on the forward 50-metre arc because he couldn’t pick between shepherding and providing a handball option over the top of the opponent; and with 37 seconds left and a string of Kangaroos behinds that tempered the frustration of Billings’ first overturned goal, Joey took the kick-out and just had to hit a target, and we’d go into the first change with a lead of 22-point lead that even then wasn’t where it should have been. He bemusingly hoisted it to a pack not actually that far from goal, and from the throw-in Ryan Clarke snapped a very nice goal. Richo talked about what he brings to the team in a directive and leadership sense on and off the field, and his output certainly improved throughout the game. At what point do you need to start bringing in guys like Rice, White and D-Mac though? For as long we have a sniff of finals Joey simply won’t be dropped this year.

Richo watch

How are we feeling about him this week? Do we give him the credit for putting Bruce back into the VFL and sparking him back into action? What about Steele? Who is responsible for the drop-off in the last quarter? Which apparently season-defining and different questions will we be asking today/tomorrow/this week/next week about Richo and the players and the club? All this and more on Footy.

Amidst growing professionalism, the football landscape has become littered with cold clichés. Interviews with established players generally provide us with the 5 to 10 football phrases of the moment, that are at that point in time slowly and quite boringly revolving around on the football rotisserie, which at this point in time I don’t have much of an appetite to feast on.

Frankly, I would prefer if with my annual membership pack a player (senior or even rookie listed) personally came around to my home and took a small leak in my trouser pocket if it meant we could have something real for that season. As fans we are currently hearing the “inside our four walls we’re really confident things are going to turn around quickly” as a clause to get out of answering a question with any substance or just admitting that things simply aren’t going that great. “Our best is very good, but our worst is very poor,” this one is interesting. Combining the facts that you’re a professional football organisation, talent scouts have scoured the country (and now even other countries) high and low to find you, you practice football most days because it is your job and you receive monetary compensation to do so, sure let’s hope your best is reasonable. The fans want more! Bob Murphy has sky rocketed in the popularity stakes, why? Not only because he’s a likeable guy with Irish charm but because when he opens his mouth and speaks he provides us with the insight of what it’s actually like to be an AFL footballer, or maybe even what it’s like to be a human who happens to be an AFL footballer.

Luke Dunstan’s outpouring of emotion after the final siren on Sunday against the Kangaroos was a refreshing change of pace; a breath of fresh air. Why? Because it was real, it was raw. Take this event on face value without reading further into it. We don’t know about Luke’s private life (that’s one for the four walls, insert slant eyed half smile emoji). As fans that haven’t experienced the ultimate success you feel desperate and willing, sometimes you sit in your seat, deflated by what you’re watching as your team gets overrun. You feel like you couldn’t care anymore, you almost feel like you care more than those who are actually wearing the jumper. You watch Sam Gilbert’s uncomfortable looking ball drop and think that maybe after 10 years it wouldn’t be so awkward…the emotions rise…shout out to Sam Gilbert for being a good sport and taking a selfie with me on Fitzroy Street last year, and then even doing a follow up because the angle on the first one was all wrong.

Leaving the ground on Sunday Saint’s fans were emotional (savage, brutal, frustrated, violent, disenchanted, all of the above). The greatest comfort for me however was found in Luke Dunstan’s public display of emotion, it showed that I support a guy who cares about what he’s doing and what he’s trying to achieve and that he’s trying bloody hard to do it. Luke’s performance was fine, I can’t speak on his behalf, but if I may I dare say he was upset about the fact the team didn’t win, not because he probably won’t get a Brownlow vote.

It would be pathetically obvious to jump online, locate a generic meme creator, get a picture of Luke Dunstan vs Kangaroos, add to the mix Nick Riewoldt v Brisbane Lions, Max Hudghton v Western Bulldogs and show the world how much of a real man you are because water didn’t leak from your eyes because you don’t care about anything (maybe I should give people more credit, but right now I’m not going to). We’re all hearing the big big sound from the West of the town, that allegedly this GWS side is going to take the AFL by storm and no other team will ever win a premiership ever again, but after a few gutsy displays come round 7, 2016, I’m on board this passionate Saints outfit. KNOCK KNOCK…just kidding.

I exchanged my $3.70 – very reasonable for a strong latte in late 2015 – and continued on my stroll home.

There was something optimistic about the spring air, the first time I had worn a t-shirt and shorts for the season, and even sunscreen was on the cards.

“What do you think of this Carlisle fella?!” came the shout.

This human had picked up on my St Kilda shorts – they had been a bargain at the Saints end of season sale. I looked up from my latte (the strength wa spot on, the temperature slightly too hot) and was greeted by a Robinson Crusoe lookalike applying his trade, maintaining lawns in Melbourne’s deep south, his edging work superb. The only thing distinguishing himself from the real Robinson Crusoe at this point was his sun-faded North Melbourne cap (I was 95% sure Crusoe didn’t follow the Kangaroos).

I smiled, I’m not convinced I – or any St Kilda supporter for that matter – am articulate enough to describe how we’re feeling about Jake Carlisle.

“Who knows?” was regrettably all I could give the man. Never wanting to appear rude, I threw in a, “How are the Roos shaping up?” He looked down at his whipper snipper methodically, “yeah not bad I think, unfortunately though there are 16 other teams trying to do exactly the same thing.”

I know exactly what you’re thinking: had this man neglected his own club in his calculations when he said “16” other clubs, and/or was he not aware of the AFL’s newest expansion club, the Greater Western Sydney Giants? Unfortunately we’ll never know because I didn’t ask. We threw around some more polite football banter, conscious of not offending one another, and I continued on my merry way.

Post saying our farewells – more likely than not forever – an empty feeling swept over me. This weathered man was well and truly correct. After an active trade period for the Saints, bringing in the much maligned Carlisle and the hamstrung Freeman (despite my objections) I had been feeling optimistic. But this comment from the now seemingly insightful man had me pondering, was my optimism premature? When can we start getting serious?

Considering it was only November I began thinking about the first taste of football, the NAB Challenge, I was looking forward to it but as a supporter I started considering the question, should I bother? I reflected on previous results. The most infamous, the 2005 Wizard Home Loans Cup that saw Carlton win 4 games between February 20th and March 12th, they would be awarded the pre-season cup which strangely resembled more of a wok shape, perfect for a traditional Asian inspired stir-fry. The Blues would go on to win 4 games over the next 6 months, amongst 17 losses and a draw however.

Fast-forward to 2011 and the Gold Coast Suns would win 2 games in a couple of hours; only 3 for the following 6 months though. Four years later in 2015, the Brisbane Lions would go through the NAB Challenge undefeated; however they would find themselves an unimpressive 17th post the premiership season.

Polishing off my coffee which by this point was lukewarm after my short trip down memory lane, I decided that I would reserve NAB Challenge results and statistics purely for my fantasy football team, which I don’t actually usually have because I usually leave it too late but I was hoping this year I will be more organised.

I returned home, slightly shaken but certainly wiser. I felt like I had been given a polite and warranted wake up call. It is to be a long off-season counting down the days until Round 1. No doubt the Melbourne climate will keep Robinson in business until then.

If there was a silver lining to last week’s capitulation/drubbing/smashing/complete and utter submission etc., which there probably isn’t, it’s that this may have been the stretch in which the club completely bottoms out.

There was something so pathetic about the performance you can only hope the players, staff, etc. in control of even a small part of it caught themselves a few times during the week thinking, “…wait, WTF was that?”

Obviously those players don’t all of a sudden have several more years experience and none of them are gonna start hitting Roo on the chest, but maybe last Sunday was enough to gross everyone out about their own footy careers and force some real change that will see at least a decent effort for longer than 20 minutes. I don’t know.

Tucked away in Hobart at “Blundstone Arena”, fortunately this game is sure to tucked away from anyone’s attention also. The most interesting thing I can say about this game? That the broadcasters’ cameras at this ground are on the opposite wing for AFL games than what they’re on for Tasmanian State League games. Feel free to use that one.

Don’t know if the club’s given up on trying to drum up some interest off the field at this point or not. After the mass burning sale of this year’s merchandise we’re basically down to Schneiderman and Schneiderman Lite, AKA Press Pass.

This week was the Panther, and was billed as “Cameron Shenton faces some quirky fan questions in today’s Saints’ Press Pass.” The first question: “What are some of your football goals heading into the next few years?” HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT JESUS WHAT WILL THEY DO NEXT? But then things do improve in terms of not breaching false advertising guidelines, with a plug for Herbal Essence and Magnum Egos, and someone asking about food getting tangled in his “luscious beard”.

Look, I don’t mind Press Pass, because it’s another chance to hear from guys that don’t have the same media profiles as others, or don’t talk much, i.e. Shenton, or guys that “blink a lot”, i.e. Billy Longer. But for now it just seems to be minimal effort on everyone’s part.

See, this is what the club has reduced me to talking about. Four years ago it was premierships, now it’s a short video made for fans that they won’t remember three minutes later.

Press Pass Alumni Big Billy, by the way, has been dropped for Tom Hickey this week. Not sure about that one because he didn’t really do anything wrong, in the sense give him a break, he’s played only a handful of games. He’ll certainly be a whole lot better for the extended run he got playing in the seniors though, and Tom Hickey for now you would expect to make more of an impact around the ground and particularly up forward. Not sure how much the fact that one was taken out for the other points to what kind of plans there are for them. Can they play in the same team? I dare say not until they’re both far more advanced and are both decent players in their own right, rather than just being in the team because they’re tall (also with Rhys in the side). Otherwise you’ve just got two huge lumps running around who aren’t yet guaranteed to give you something half decent around the ground.

It was an interesting selection week all round really. Sam Fisher comes in for his first game of the year, but I think he’s now a restaurateur before he’s a footballer. Lenny’s back in too, and joining him in the midfield will be Tom Curren, who’s earned his spot having racked up a few numbers for Sandy and an otherwise average Schneiderman performance this week if not for his “Execute a sneeze” line.

Dunell kept his spot, and I think it was quite unfair people were saying he didn’t deserve to. He came onto the ground for a last quarter in which the opposition had already sealed the game and kicked 7.1 to 1.2 in the final quarter. As a player floating around half-forward, I’m not sure what you expected him to do in the situation.

Interestingly, neither Bruce nor Spencer White came in this week. Bruce was actually named on Sandy’s team sheet at full back, and initially I’d thought that the selectors wanted both to get some more time in the forward line at VFL level before bringing them up for a shot in the seniors (as per Richo’s post-match comments on Sunday). The Spencer White myth is nearing joke status, with KB this morning on SEN cracking wise about whether he exists or not. To be honest, I can’t be sure myself that he does. A fast-paced North team can score heavily and if we end up kicking ~10 goals again – which we might be lucky to – then expect another round of changes and maybe the myth might become a reality.