I’ve got two opposite ends of the men’s hairdo extremes here, though both are absurd.

And it’s not that I hate crazy hair choices, I just feel like if you’re going to do something a little out there, maybe only do one crazy thing, not multiples. For instance, I had a friend grow a handlebar mustache for a role in a show. He did not also grow his hair out to period villain length or shave it all off. It was just a crazy mustache, and it was actually kind of awesome.

So, two very strong examples of How Not To Cut Your Hair If You’re A Dude:

Once upon a time, I made fun of Miley Cyrus at the Hunger Games premiere because she looked trashy and ridiculous, and also inexplicably bare-midriffed. It was a weird version of showing stomach, though, since instead of showing abs and waist and such, it was more rib cage. That’s not quite as flattering as the good ol’ waist-to-hip ratio, let’s be honest here. I realize I’m getting a bit more technical again, but that curve from waist to hip is where an attractive figure lies. Hiding your waist with a thick waistband does no one any favors.

Yet it seems to be considered “in” or something, at least given that Proenza Schouler, Dolce, AND Emilio Pucci (among others) seem to be going nuts with their not-quite attached blouse and skirt combos, some more insanely than others. I just wish that if midriff had to be shown, it’d be in the belly button region, since that at least makes a modicum of sense. This whole thing, not so much.

Don’t believe me it’s supposedly a thing? Style.com did a whole slideshow of “trends” from Spring ’12, with the very first one being “Ab Fab.” First off, on the models, the look is much less “ab fab” than “please go eat a sammich, I can count your ribs.” Secondly, apparently people’s stylists are paying attention to that, since two of the looks featured can be found below.

But I still don’t get it. There’s that great Mean Girls quote about how the hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some sort of animal ears as a costume, but they still get abused like crazy by the more delusional amongst us.

A few points before I horrify you with two separate examples:

1) Catgirls only exist in anime, and are only considered attractive in anime. In real life, it’s basically furry-lite.

So it’s the tail-end of the Cannes film festival, where there have been some glorious fashion moments. I mostly loved it. Aishwarya Rai-Bachan proved that looking like a real woman after giving birth is realistic and beautiful (particularly in light of the “controversy” about her not losing the baby-weight fast enough for people who need new hobbies) in a breathtaking Elie Saab gown, and Diane Kruger continued to show off her ability to wear anything, including things I would probably hate on absolutely anyone else.

But that said, there were some disappointments. We covered Kristen Stewart the other day, with her moldy legs and perpetually bad attitude, but she was not the only one to dress a bit….questionably.

I openly admit it: until I started having European friends through the internet, I had never heard of Eurovision. In fact, it sounds like some silly optometrist type place if you just look at the name. “Eurovision: Better Sight Across the Continent” or something.

I still mostly ignored it until recently, when N discovered the last several years’ contests in his burgeoning love affair with Europop. I spent three days with the Moldovan entry from 2011 stuck in my head. But I had no idea how insanely people dressed up for this thing until this year, when I sat down to watch a bit on the advice of one of A.

That said, if the first semi-final was anything to go by, Europe MAY have been invaded by aliens.

I realize this is Lordi’s schtick. They were just the most obvious about being 1960s sci-fi villains.Via Broadstreet Hockey

So, here are my thoughts on the outfits at Eurovision 2012 thus far:

Okay. I don’t know what a Justin Bieber is, but Ireland seems to have two, calling themselves Jedward. Never before have I been so bewildered by not one, but two inexplicably spangly outfits. I particularly enjoyed the bit where they did a jump-five and yelled “AWESOME!” But I am not wholly convinced that they are human.