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It sounds like you could have a workable "vee" not a "triad." At least at this point. I would have her visit. See how you get along, start something in terms of a partnership from where she is, encourage the building of a metamour relationship between you partners and see how it goes.

After a time she could move closer to you. She would be better off establishing her own life on her own with a dose of you in there. This is healthier I believe. In poly, independence is crucial it seems as quite often people are on there own for periods of time.

The king size bed might be nice, but at this point, she doesn't know him and that is a lot of pressure for her. What you are saying is, "ya, you can be my partner, but only if you are with my boyfriend too." You might love him and enjoy that fantasy as does he, but it sounds like an ultimatum to me. She might even agree because she wants to be near you and it could be cool, but build up to it. That is just far too big of an assumption that it will work I would think.

Do some reading around here to get a sense of what tends to work for people and has a success rate. You will find your own way, but at least you will have an idea of what to expect.

He doesn't want to go outside of the relationship. He stated rather emphatically that he wants to go with a committed relationship between he, I, and another woman. I spoke to my friend about it bc I knew her desires and she and I already have a connection, but it has to work for all of us. I do not want to put her in harms way... by that I mean setting her up for a broken heart. She and I have been through thick and thin together and I do not want anything coming between us. She, her husband (now ex), and I had gotten together on occasion b/c she trusted me. He wanted it and she knew I would not cross any lines. Rules were set and abided by. Not that she had to worry lol She has always come first. None of my husbands ever asked.. they just went out and found strange.. lol

Anyway, I am just very confused right now and have a lot of thinking to do still.

Thank you, RedPepper.. I didn't really think of it that way. She is generally very open and honest with me. I've never known her to hold back, but if she wants this bad enough, she may well be doing just that. She will not move. Her home is paid for. That is why Peter and I said we would be willing to move up there. We have nothing holding us here. There are no jobs to be had and our kids are grown. We can find housing up there and do the same thing. She has been asking me to move up there for years to help her and just to be closer to her, as friends. We can go from there. You are all giving me a lot of food for thought and I really appreciate it. It is raising questions I didn't even think of.

OP, you are giving out an awful lot of personal information in your posts.

I just want to remind you and anyone else who is readihng that you have 12 hours to edit your posts and after that the moderators will not delete something just because you are afraid someone you know will read it and recognize you.

I'm not using real names and states are mighty big places.. but I do appreciate the words of warning. I have just never been on this end.. and I am not sure how I feel about it. Like Ronnie.. I tend to want to turn to someone I know and trust. I am not sure this is a lifestyle for me because of this. <Sigh>

Talk talk talk over and over again, to the point of boredom and beyond, about what would it mean for each of you to live together, romantically, sexually and emotionally involved all the three of you in a triad formation, and what if the dynamics eventually start to resemble a vee more. I agree with RP, visits and weekend sleep-overs are the way to go before making permanent moves.

Is Peter (pseudonym) still moving with you if he and Ronnie (pseudonym) will not be involved in the same way as you and Ronnie (already) are?

............. I want to make sure we have a strong relationship before we even embark on something like that. I have bi tendencies, with strong male preferences tho. He is strictly straight. I think I would have a problem with him being alone with another woman... If I was involved, I would be okay with it I think... but I am not sure how the whole thing works.

Hi Swt,

Well, I'm a late comer to this thread so if I say something already said - spank me for being too lazy to read.

All I'm going to touch on is the above quote.

You need to answer the question HONESTLY for yourself about WHY you being there would be different than you NOT being involved.

Once you have the truthful answer to that you'll understand more of your true personality and insecurities.