Thursday, 14 March 2013

This is Horseshit!

Y' know I want to have a gander at a subject that has been referenced, touched upon, shouted hopelessly at in the dark vastness of night and created much bad vibes and karma and yet has come to have an all important need to be dispelled for the dangers it presents to those who believe in it, the general waste of time it represents and the fact that on all levels it is bollocks.

I of course refer to what a woman wants in a man. As a civilian Leo, my ego permits me not to lie down and accept this state of affairs as it is. The wounded leonine will claw at that which pains it, but knows well enough to strike at the falsehood, not the effect. But enough of this high-falutin' as I never moved beyond miming on the recorder, never mind the flute, well...

What do women want? Well, ignore all the stuff you've been told over the years about women wanting poets, musicians or artists. Nevermind that they want somebody sensitive, that particular load of old stale tripe got shot down decades ago. No, artistic types are all really keen for a while but you wouldn't bet the rest of your life on them. The handsome, cold shoulder types last a bit longer but unless they're prepared to give up on this artistic nonsense, well, where's the security eh? Where's the love? Love is all around us, you just won't find it in relationships.That is the falsehood there.

Hang on let's shake it up here so we're all sitting a bit more uncomfortably. How about a dose of 100% reality amongst all the fiction and bollocks which I have made up...well, nearly reality. Gives the appearance of reality there...

As much as I complain about women's choices in terms of the male heffalumps they go for...True on many occasions there is the pained cry of "Yikes!! Him????!!!!"

But there are things to be borne in mind. Firstly, we all have this perfect image of ourselves until proven spotty and 'orrible. In civilian life I am no exception. In that case, mine is 10 x 10; ten stone lighter and ten years younger. So it is quite a shock when I look in a mirror...

"Augh!! It's one of those fat bastard slobs who steal all the great women!!"

It is only after I have punched this overweight slob and stare uncomprehendingly at my splintered knuckle that any sort of realisation sets in...

Having a good civilian memory for certain things hurts as well. The slights you remember as if they just happened. So sharp and real, it tends to be:

"Mutter, grumble, unfair..."

Which needs and indeed should be followed by:

"Dude! That was ten fucking years ago!"

"Actually it was 20, leave me alone...Sniff."

Heh.

Selective civilian memory is where YOU forget the bits where YOU fucked up.

"I did that?! What a dick! I don't remember...ah well."

Then 2 minutes later, the civilian turns and it's:

"How cruel the women are to a sweet guy like me. Fucking...misogynist rant and etc, etc."

Of course it is so cruel to yew, civilian Bisson. You and Pol Pot just never got the breaks eh?
So I'm a cyber dick and a civilian dick. What a catch! Why are the good ones still single?

In my defense, my QC crys: "Ah but he has a bit of zip to him though! Poet, interplanetary dreamer..."

Yeah. Not the sort of guy to go around Tile Market on a Saturday though or raise a kid or converse politely in polite company about polite things. Not really stable, reliable, improving or growing...all the sort of schnizzle women need. That is why they go for the guys with the pronounced eyebrows who moo at the TV.

Dopes then? Yeah but you can RELY on them! 100% guaranteed sperm donor and shopping assistants. The final word in 'lady-nip'.

Raising kids? My idea of that is to tie a kid to a flagpole and raise it to the top where it's out of the way and not bugging me. Child protection and the feminine population would not appreciate this in the slightest, though I might be in with the chance of pulling a fleg protester with that one.

Yes, for the civilian as Frank Zappa so acutely observed; as you try to impress them with your interplanetary dreaming, you will be easily overtaken in the dating stakes by the dope who goes 'Moo'.
Frank put it much better though. Basic lesson is the same as in true.

So are we all learning anything? Probably. Maybe the lesson we can take today is put neither gender on a pedestal. Men and women are equally fucked up. Heh!