Salon.com

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An average Salon reader incensed by the flood of businessmen, Jews and white heterosexual Christian males flooding America

“In old days men had the rack. Now they have Salon.”~ Oscar Wilde

Salon.com is an award-winning (as they like to remind you) American news and lifestyle website. It is written by a strange mixture of people who earn over 50k a year and own more Apple products than most poor people have ever seen, fat, ultra-feminist lesbian goths and skinny, sensitive, nerdy, bespectacled, unwashed men who look like they have never bathed or been laid in their lives and who probably never will be. This disparate constituency is united by a loathing of "the Right Wing", historically the GOP and the Catholic Church; now their own country, the 1%, the wealthy, the Koch Brothers, Pamela Geller, Israel and Ayn Rand of course. Salon readers and editors are generally stereotyped as thinking they should rule the world, as opposed to Fox News watchers and reporters who think they do rule the world, Capitalism Magazine readers, who know they should rule the world and readers of The New York Times who actually do. The idea of Salon ruling the world is similar to the idea of Miley Cyrus running NASA.

The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for a long enough time will eventually type Hamlet. The good news is that in next to no time at all, that same monkey can write for Salon. (Even quicker if the monkey has done porn.) Statistics indicate that Salon readers and editors like to sit in Starbucks sipping Frappucinos and texting on their I-Phones whilst criticising Steve Jobs for paying children to work in sweatshops and complaining about how big businesses are crushing the working classes. They usually drive Priuses.

Contents

Salon readers and writers generally convince themselves that they’re intrepid outsiders battling a system controlled by the far right, libertarian, Islamophobic, capitalist, Randist, sexist, homophobic, gun-toting, global warming denialist, imperialist 1% defending Jew lobby who seek to destroy the world through not allowing children younger than ten to be taught about sex and refusing to recycle, even though they themselves live in relative comfort and luxury and have probably never even set foot on a farm or in a factory where the supposed oppressed proletariats work. This known as “Marxist-Leninist” syndrome.

Imperialism - Anything the United States does overseas. Being Israeli.

Progressive – A term coined by Upton Sinclair for closeted socialists to describe themselves with so as to get people to trust them.

Socialism – Wanting the government to do everything and own everything, waving a Palestinian flag around and opposing the war with Iraq. This is all good by the way.

Tea Party - Formerly what Salon readers enjoyed on a Sunday back when they were Whigs in London, now a far-right, homophobic, Islamophobic, fascist, authoritarian fringe-party, er, what were we talking about again?

Libertarian - Initially referring to a person who believes in individual rights, free-speech and free-market capitalism, now used to describe anyone in the English-speaking world who believes in less government regulation.

Liberalism - Originally an ideology formulated by John Locke promoting social fairness and individual freedom, now used to mean anything vaguely left-wing. Hence confused Maoists and Marxists referring to themselves as "liberals" and being referred to as the same by equally-confused right-wingers.

Show Men Kissing On TV More Often! (not women because lesbians appeal to straight men who are after all the scum of the Earth)

Why Are There No Gay Disney Characters?

Society’s Hideous Sexism

The Best of Tumblr Porn

America poised to fall to fascist horde any day now. More tomorrow.

Some Brilliant Famous Atheists! (but not Richard Dawkins because a male member of his organisation once flirted with a woman which means that they're all horrible sexists and not that Bush-supporting traitor Christopher Hitchens either with his horrible brand of objective morality)

From 1996 to 2011, the imaginatively named Salon Book Awards were an annual literary award given by the editors of Salon.com to fiction and nonfiction books published the previous year. The editors' criteria for winning books are:

"the books we'd wholeheartedly recommend to our friends (and the public), books we'd clear our social calendar to finish, books we returned to eagerly even when we could barely focus our eyes on a page. They remind us of why we fell in love with reading and why we keep at it in a world that's simultaneously cluttered with mediocre books and increasingly indifferent to the written word."

In 2012, a new award was established called the What To Read Awards, named ingeniously after the Salon column "What To Read", although Laura Miller continued to maintain a separate Best Books of the Year top-10 list which is quite hypocritical as this implies that Salon believe that some books are better than others. The What To Read Awards were chosen as follows:

"we surveyed the most popular book critics, both print and online, from high-profile publications to the hottest literary blogs. We asked for their top-10 books of 2012, and then tabulated the winners by assigning 10 points for a No. 1 selection, 9 for No. 2, all the way to 1 point for No. 10 and then we burned all the ones we didn't agree with in front of the Reichstag."