'30 Rock' recap: Come on, Bible, help a lady out

Image Credit: Ali Goldstein/NBCIt’s wedding season PopWatchers, and just as the tradition goes, we got a heavy dose of “something old” on last night’s 30 Rock. Tracy revisited painful childhood memories, while Liz spent time with boyfriends past, hoping to find she had somehow been wrong about one of these duds all along.

So Liz gave her Gentlemen Rolodex a spin (or as Jenna likes to call it, “sexual time travel”) in order to prevent being dateless at Floyd’s wedding. While the fear of looking like a loser in the eyes of your ex can be paralyzing, is it really worth revisiting a frustrating relationship that failed for a reason? (Even if it happened to be with the dapper Jon Hamm, so handsome!). Yes, I have my judgment face on, but only because I know that astronaut Mike Dexter is out there for you Liz Lemon! And for me too, and for all of us…he better be, because I don’t want to end up a Plushie, mascot costumes aren’t my thing.

Here are the 10 best lines from “Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land”:

“You do not want to miss this wedding, it’s going to be New York royalty: the Astors, the Rockefellers, the Sbarros.” — Jack, who just wants to keep a date asexual

“Well, if you must know I’m on Dodecaysil, the pill where you only get your period once a year.”

“Ugh, we’re so close to beating that thing completely.” — Avery and Jack

“God, three weddings in one day, I’m going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.” — Liz ,who almost got a 1200 on her SAT

“I’ll have you know Liz that I’m in line for a hand transplant. There’s this strangler who’s about to be executed, and uh, I got my hooks crossed!” — Drew, who now has one less ungashed painting in his apartment

“And it’s real Oscar bait sir. You say things like ‘You don’t know my pain!’ ‘You watch your mouth, Tyrese!,’ and in a less dramatic scene: ‘I’ll have hash browns.'” — Kenneth, who once got kidnapped by the Hill People, only to wake up in time for back-to-school shopping

“I’ve prepared a very unromantic evening. First we’re going to see a documentary about female circumcision, and then we’re going to eat too much Indian food.” — Jack, who likes a warm glass of milk and some John Phillip Sousa marches after too much curry

“Hey Dummy, yeah as soon as my beeper went off I knew it was you. I’ve got a personalized vibration for each chick I used to put it to” — Dennis, who met Jose through a program that places troubled adults with child mentors

“I don’t want to go back to England. I can’t suffer through the London Olympics — we’re not prepared, Liz. Did you see the Beijing Opening Ceremonies? We don’t have control over our people like that!” — Wesley, a huge fan of Chums, apparently the British version of Friends

“Well I’m sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can’t remember. You haven’t walked in my shoes! All my life I’ve tried to forget the things I’ve seen: a crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal!” — Tracy, who also struggled with growing up in projects named after Zachary Taylor

“Nothing like being in church having spent the night doing a bunch of bad crap, am I right?” — Nancy, a frequent customer of the authentic O’Doyles Indian restaurant

Spring cleaning in England brought the return of Wesley Snipes, who was a wee bit enthusiastic this time… and dare I say genuine? That is, until we discovered that his main reason for wanting to be with Liz (aside from settling) was his tiny rrresidence issue. Is his fear of living through an underwhelming Olympics larger than his fear of being alone? Maybe, but only because the Chinese set the bar so high. He debuted his excellent pantomime skills, and his rendition of the Chums theme song was so cute. Can’t Liz find it in her heart to like him just a little bit? Now that Tracy has realized he has more acting chops than are required for Garfield 3: Feline Groovy, will he fully commit to going after his EGOT? And which of Tracy’s childhood memories should be included in his eventual Oscar reel? (“Oh lord, some guy with dreds electrocuted my fish!”).

What did I miss, PopWatchers? Until next week — gasp, our last one! — and Matt Damon’s guest appearance…sound off below!