Now, I did a make pretend comic about my border crossing and I blogged an abridged version of what actually happened on the Canadian border and though this comic IS slightly exaggerated, it is the whole story.

The funny thing about crossing the border for the first time is that it makes you feel like you are doing something wrong even when you’re on a totally legal voyage. Everyone warned me to just lie about what cargo I had and what I intended to do with it. I, foolishly, decided to be honest. To be fair the border guard was an attractive woman in full body armor and a steely gaze. I felt that she looked directly into my soul. I mentioned that I was going to a convention and had prints and exactly how much I had and for what I was join got sell them. She then directed me to pull over to the commercial lane, after more than a few sighs and admonishing comments about “rules set in place for crossing the border for a reason” and what not.

I then was pulled out of line and directed by two more very bored border guards to the commercial lane where another attractive, yet stern woman directed me to “get out of your vehicle and come inside” to which I replied “do I leave my care here and just get out?” She then very angrily scoffed, “No, park first!” (She was disgusted that I was not, in fact, psychic). I then parked and was about to walk into the only door I saw on the imposing concrete building (which was the guard post door. It would’ve been really bad if I had tried to open that door), when a kind construction worker pointed me down a hidden gravel path that lead to the actual entrance (I am not exaggerating this part at all).

Once inside the paramilitary installation, the two large and mustached guards behind a bullet proof window were quite bothered with the fact that they needed to talk to an American and that I couldn’t relay all information they needed to them in a nanosecond. I finally relayed all the necessary info and they couldn’t keep from chuckling every other word in light of my difficult situation.

They would not let me throw or give my prints away. I said, “Well I won’t sell them then, I’ll just give them away at the con” to which they replied, “How would we know that that was true?” Now, I didn’t want to push my luck, so I didn’t say what was on my mind; “How would you know either way?” They said I could file for a code that would take up to 3 days to process, so that wasn’t an option. The only option I had was to go back to America. They did give me a piece of paper telling the US border guard the situation so that no more problems arose.

Once back in Detroit (yeah, I crossed over at Detroit) I found the only parking spot in the entire city and called my wife to see what she thought I should do. There were a few heated exchanges and I landed on sending the prints across the border overnight. You may wondering “Why didn’t you just turn around and try to cross back over and NOT declare your prints?” Well, I’ll tell you. They specifically told me NOT to try that because my license plate had been entered into the computer and they would know.

At this point I have sent the prints over the border and added $240 to my trip and am somewhat nervous to try a return trip. So I man up and head back towards the Great White North. It’s finally my turn at the guard booth (Different from the first I should clarify) and the young man inside didn’t even ask me about anything except what I was doing in Canada and how long I was staying. I COULD”VE JUST LIED AND SAVED $240!

So this, ladies and gentlemen was my first experience with Canada. May your journeys go more smoothly.

P.S. They never probed me physically though they did used there authority and words to abuse me mentally.

Did that a few months ago myself. Had to haul cargo for my job to Canada and back and had to use the commercial lane. Granted I prepared for it, but no one in my company knew how to fill out the forms(!) so I had to wing it (successfully I may add).

Having to go through that part of it is nerve-wracking. Especially since you’re pretty sure that if you piss them off enough they have the legal right to just shoot you.

Glad you avoided the anal probe though my friend. You don’t want that on your international record!

That sucks, but I’m sorry to say that americans shouldn’t cry too loud. The welcoming on an US airport is humiliating at best. Everyone is treated like he wants to explode the capitol and piss on the Lincoln memorial. And that’s just the standard procedure for Europeans, imaging what you have to go through if you’re actually from the middle-east.
In Europe people who have been to the middle-east (like diving in egypt) and have to travel to the US usually try to get a second passport in order not to get sent back because of the stamp.
So even if I understand that your situation sucked, from the outside point of view if feels a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.

I’m not condoning lying, merely only giving the most essential information. “I’m going to a convention in Canada.” And leave it at that. “Do you have anything to declare?” “I do declare that your hair looks fabulous!” You know, things like that…

As long as you’ve learned your lesson. Despite being a good citizen who has never really had any run ins with authority, I have a healthy distrust of it and oft believe law enforcement automatically thinks me guilty of something, so they don’t need to actually know anything I have going on.

Entering the US as a Canadian is a huge pain. Don’t even hint that you might possibly be going to in any way do anything work related or you become a dirt job stealer. An American re-entering however is like Jesus coming home “coffee sir? donut? I’m so sorry you had to breathe their dirty air, welcome back to the one true country”

No worries, man. You told me to lie my ass off. At one point you even told me to just sneak across the border all together, I think. I default to the truth when pressed. It’s something I need to work on;)