House of Lords a-peers to have gas supply

David Cameron has today announced a big discovery in the search for cheaper fuel. For many years now the price of fuel has been increasing to unaffordable levels. Over the same period, as the average age of the House of Lords goes up, so does the issue of the older person's inability to 'hold it in'.

The FlatuLance™ is a new piece of equipment for catching the released fumes of the ageing peers as they sit for hours sleeping and occasionally debating the important issues of the day. At the launch party, Prime Minister David Cameron told us "We have spent years thinking of ways to bring the price of gas down. The obvious answer was to find a new supply but the experts in the field told me that the world was running out. It was then we had to start thinking outside of the box".Mr Cameron continued "As we watched the issue being debated in the House of Lords it hit me, with all the smell of the MP's toilets following a visit from Eric Pickles the morning after Curry night."

The new piece of equipment will be retro-fitted to the ceiling of the House of Lords in early 2013. All emissions caught shall be pumped into the gas supply chain and sold at a reduced price to the consumer. It is thought that not only will the rear end gases of the Lords be captured but also the gases given off through the decomposition process. A source close to the project told us "Some of the Lords and Ladies in there have not been seen moving in years, so capturing the rotting gases is an opportunity"

After the installation, the system is likely to be upgraded with a new part to increase gas production called a Gordon Brown.