Causes of Divorce

Marriages end when love ends. The compromises necessary in daily life only happen if two people love each other. Without love it is like sharing your bed with a stranger you meet on the street.

Causes of Divorce #1-An Affair

If one partner has an affair that does not necessarily spell the end of the marriage. It will make life very difficult for a long time, but if the couple still have a deep love for each other the relationship can be rebuilt.

The affair might have just been a casual sexual thing, which 'just happened'. Sexual liaisons happen all the time without love. While sexual relationships outside marriage threaten that relationship, loving relationships outside marriage are a bigger threat.

Even if the affair is only sexual, rather than loving, there will be a justifiable lack of trust between the marriage partners for years. Once destroyed, trust takes longer to rebuild than it took to establish the initial trust.

The injured party will feel a natural resentment and hurt that his or her partner had to go outside the marriage to find sexual satisfaction.

If the married couple still love each other they will move on, together, provided the affair ends and is not repeated.

If affair has developed beyond the sexual, to a loving relationship, then divorce is inevitable, even if the injured party still feels love, a marriage must have love flowing in both directions for it to work. Love dying because of extra-marital affairs is one of the most common causes of divorce.

Causes of Divorce #2-Money

In a marriage the couple pool their resources, often sharing a bank account, ore a single credit card account. Regardless of which partner provides the family income both partners must have similar financial priorities.

Compromises are reached, but in order to agree, both partners must discuss their own spending priorities. An agreed, common set of priorities that both parties stick to is the only harmonious way to handle money in any marriage.

Where no common set of financial priorities can be agreed, or where one partner refuses to stand by the agreement, there will be conflict. Resolving that conflict involves making a new agreement, which will only work if there are compromises by both partners.

Any conflict resolution in the marriage needs love and understanding, if one partner no longer loves the other that will be absent and financial disagreements will continue until they lead to divorce. It is the lack of love that is the real cause of divorce, though.

Causes of Divorce #3 Violence

There are still men who assume that sexual intercourse with their wife is a right, that a woman has no choice in the matter of sex.

Marital rape is a crime in most countries and states. Many men, however, do not see this as violence. They think that there is no such thing as sexual violence between husband and wife because the woman should accede to the man's wishes in all things.

There is no reasoning with this mentality and divorce is the only option, with legal protections in place for the woman throughout the divorce proceedings.

Sexual and physical violence often go together. Some men beat their wives as well as raping them. These men are usually careful to leave no marks on arms and faces that others might see.

Women who are the victims of either physical or sexual violence often see it as their fault, that they should be able to change their husband's ways. Not so. Any man who behaves in this way should not be living with a woman at all. There may be deep psychological reasons why he is like that, in which case he should see a psychiatrist, not thump, kick and rape his wife.

Violence is a sign of an absence of love. Could anyone inflict hurt on somebody they love? Anyone caught in a violent relationship should get out of that relationship at the very first opportunity; it is no good loving somebody who is there to hurt you.

Causes of Divorce #4-Mental Abuse

Mental abuse is another form of violence, of bullying. It takes many forms and both men and women can be guilty of it in a marriage.

Recognition that mental abuse is happening is the major obstacle to dealing with it. Outsiders do not see what happens behind closed doors. The abuse often starts in a small way and becomes more frequent and more severe over time. Suddenly the abused party reacts to the mental bullying as he or she realizes the situation that has developed.

Mental abuse includes belittling the other party, silence, shouting and constant criticism.

Nobody should stand for this kind of treatment. If your partner loved you would he or she make you feel that way? Mental abuse is another sign that love has died and needs no further justification to initiate divorce or separation proceedings.

Causes of Divorce #5-Growing Apart

When a couple have children their lives begin to diverge. The mother often gives up paid employment and spends most days with the children. Her interests change from the outside world of jobs and people she meets, to interests centered around the home and children. The father's interests are unchanged, though he is usually interested in home life, it is much less important to him. He still meets other adults, both men and women, whereas the woman meets very few adults, and those are mainly other women, other mothers who have the same child-centered interests as she does.

If a couple recognize and understand that this is happening, before it has gone too far they can work out ways to spend more time doing things together, either as a couple, or as a family. If the two people still love each other they will make the necessary effort and adjustments to their lives.

Causes of Divorce #6-Alcohol or Drugs

Alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases. Treatment is available for addicts who recognize that they are addicts and want to give up. Recognition is the key. Addiction treatments are traumatic, and are only possible if somebody wants to give up alcohol.

Loving your alcoholic or drug-addicted partner enough to encourage and support him or her to conquer the addiction is one thing. Blind love for an addict who puts his addiction before you or your children is another.

If your partner will not recognize that there is a problem, then this is an entirely understandable cause of divorce proceedings being initiated.

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In summary, there are not many different causes of divorce, just the one; lack of love. A marriage works only as long as both partners love each other enough to work at the marriage and to continue to make compromises. Once one partner stops loving the other, the marriage is doomed and divorce becomes inevitable.