Real Housewives of Orange County: Fake Girls, Fake Gifts

Blogging about these women is a real challenge. They are not interesting, not appealing, not entertaining, and not real. They have become caricatures of themselves and exemplify everything that is wrong with reality television. We are watching horrible people, be horrible to each other, and much like a meth addiction, we just can’t stop. I have a bottle of wine with a rather long circus straw plunged into it, so here we go again.

We start with Heather who is getting the kids ready for school, along with Terry, as she prepares to go to LA for her first day at work on a sitcom for a guest spot. She is complaining about her husband and I am bored. Cut to Tamra who has decided to get Eddie ready for marriage by purchasing him a wedding ring. A ring for a wedding that he is not prepared to have. Tamra is an idiot. She is joined by Lauri, an old face from the past. A very, very old face.

Really? Why in the hell is this woman back? They must need the money. These women are overstretched, over tucked, and over inflated both in their egos and their boobs. Lauri catches us up on her kids, who cares, and assures us she is insanely happy. I’m thinking not so much. They jump right into bashing Vicki. I honestly do not know why Lauri is back or why Bravo thinks we care about anything she has to say. This is scripted garbage.

Over to Lydia, she is visiting with her mom and all she wants to talk about is her mom’s pot smoking. We love that about Judy and think Lydia needs to let it go. Your mom smokes pot. Move on. Lydia seems hell bent on humiliating her mom and all she is doing is embarrassing herself. She treats her mom like a child. She does not seem to mind her mom spending money on her when she is high, but wants the pot to stop. I need Lydia to shut up already.

We are now forced to watch Heather pretend she matters. She is cute I suppose. If cute means annoying. The only thing of interest in this entire scene was Betty White, who I think I might actually be in love with. Jumping to Alexis, she has decided she wants to be an actress. I cannot stand her. She is on the show in isolated scenes by herself or with her douchelord, and I simply do not care. I am skipping over her and her crap fest.

Gretchen has gone away for a little mini break with her douchelord Slade. I think Slade is a piece of crap. Incase you are thinking he is great, he is about to prove my opinion is correct. For Gretchen’s birthday, he has leased her a new Rolls Royce. Hang on! Turns out her lease on a Mercedes was up, so he upgraded her to a Rolls. She will pay for it, but yet it is a gift from him. Slade is a dumbass and Gretchen is intellectually deficient.

Gretchen is confused by the gift and proceeds to call him names, laugh at him, and let him know if she is out more than a couple hundred bucks a month, she is going to kill him. Over to the other “ladies”, they are heading to LA to watch Heather’s taping. Lydia demands a drink, then complains about her mom’s pot smoking. Why she wants to embarrass her is a mystery, but she is coming across as mean and selfish. Tamra looks constipated, and Eddie looks dirty.

I am passing over Alexis and her acting class to jump straight to Heather. Vicki is at the taping and only Slade and Gretchen have not yet arrived. Then, as if scripted, they arrive and sit down, only to step out. Gretchen is panicking as she tries to pull up what I can only assume is her new car lease, on her phone. She wants to know what Slade has done and what the cost will be. It is hilarious. These two make me want to remove my own skin.

The entire gang is off to dinner to celebrate Heather’s taping. Gretchen tells everyone that Slade gave her a fake gift that she is required to pay for. Important to note that Slade has a child in the hospital and perhaps that money could have been used to offset his medical bills. Just a thought. Gretchen is then clearly annoyed by Tamra sitting next to Vicki and their appearing to kiss and make up. Gretchen is not having any of that.

Vicki and Tamra find a happy place at dinner and Gretchen is scared. She should be scared. Life when you are that dumb has got to be a scary place. Sidebar: There appear to be other guests, sitting off on their own, which is weird. Terry gives a speech in honor of Heather and she uses it as an opportunity to tell the camera he is trying, but they are still not in a great place. Really? Get on board or get out Heather, and just stop complaining.

Next week we will be asked to sit through Gretchen getting her ovaries checked, Heather castrating her husband, Tamra talking about suicide, and Lydia trying to make Alexis one of the group again. Bravo is certainly asking a lot of their loyal fans. Instead of giving us new people so we can get a fresh start, they continue to feed us meth, and we all know no good can come of that. I am now drunk, annoyed, and the only one keeping it real.

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