Wednesday, January 13, 2010

IF YOU OPEN A PACKET OF TIM TAM'S, THE TEMPTATION TO EAT THE ENTIRE THING IS FAR TOO HIGH - Therefore, just don't purchase the fuckers.

DON'T PRETEND TO BE ILL OR DRUNK JUST TO GET ATTENTION FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND - It looks beyond desperate and pathetic. If you are feeling attention starved, maybe assess your expectations or dump the bozo. Either way, the whole damsel in distress thing is just not cricket.

NOTHING CURES A HANGOVER LIKE A SWIM IN THE OCEAN - And I do mean NOTHING.

WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING AROUND TAGGING PEEPS ON FACEBOOK, MAKE SURE IT'S FLATTERING - This should be made fucking compulsory internet etiquette. Because I'm telling ya, that shit has karma.

SHAVE YOUR LEGS (NOT IN FRONT OF HIM) - Seriously bitches, they like us warm, tight and SMOOTH. Don't be retarded and get out the razor.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET INVOLVED WITH THE BITCHING TO MAKE FRIENDS - In fact, you'll probs find you make better friends without a tongue that lashes fire. And really, if you are over the age of 25 you have no business talking shit about kids. Grow the fuck up.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WEARING BRIGHT YELLOW KICKS - Don't be afraid of the daring. Be inspired.

Those yellos are so biteable... they look like jellybabies. How could one not get such? Like red hair, it's impossible to be depressed if you wear these, I'm sure. Till they get soiled. Note to self: Stay aWAY from drunk friends.