It's 2016. And you know what that means? The Wii U is officially dead! Because who cares if the console already has a somewhat respectable library and still has at least some upcoming releases? Nintendo's gonna reveal the NX soon, and that means the Wii U is no longer relevant and we can finally dig it a shallow grave so we can do this song and dance all over again with the NX. Now, obviously, that was sarcasm. But the point still stands. We're at the cusp of a new generation here. There are even rumors that the NX might be shown off for the first time at this year's CES, albeit behind closed doors. And that starts tomorrow! With that in mind, instead of the usual “Most Anticipated Games of”, I decided to whip up a quick wish list for the NX. Keep in mind, these are more what I hope happens with the NX, not necessarily what I think will happen with the NX. I'm trying to keep these dreams at least somewhat grounded. Trying, not always succeeding. But, here we go!

-Traditional Controller-

I'm not a fan of the Wii U's GamePad, as you may know. In the past, I've referred to it as “unnecessary”, “clunky”, and all manner of negative adjectives. The Wii U Pro Controller, on the other hand, might just be my preferred controller for the generation. Not that I have much experience with the PS4 or Xbone's pad, but the Pro Controller's whopping battery life is quite the selling point, to say the least. So, for the NX, can we just have the Pro Controller be the main controller, please? I've seen the patents Nintendo has issued for a touchscreen controller with virtual buttons, and that's a terrifying prospect to consider. So, don't do that, Nintendo. Just keep it simple. Make a traditional controller and focus more on innovating with your software, not hardware.

Just use this.

-Third Party Support-

This has been a sore spot for Nintendo for decades now. Ever since the GameCube, Nintendo consoles have been missing out on more and more major third party releases. I don't care how powerful the NX may be compared to the PS4 or Xbone. So long as it at least gets all the multiplatform games, I'll be happy with it.

-Decent Sized Hard Drive-

Launching the Wii U with a mere 32 gigs in 2012 was really shortsighted of Nintendo. If you downloaded games at all, you'd need to pick up an external hard drive to store them all. Hopefully, they won't repeat that mistake with the NX, and have a more respectable figure right out of the box, at least one terabyte. This is especially crucial if Nintendo is going to cut corners by taking out the disc drive and making the NX all digital.

-Backwards Compatibility-

I'm not quite as hung up on this as some people. But it's a nice feature to have regardless, even if only for the convenience of not having to hook up an older console to play an older game. At least, we should at least be able to bring over our digital Wii U software, right? Speaking of which...

-Fully Featured Virtual Console-

All the classics from all of Nintendo's past consoles all available on the NX's digital storefront. NES, SNES, N64, GameCube, Wii, Wii U. They should all be on there. Heck, throw a few handheld games in there for good measure. Third party licensing may be an issue for some games, so just get as many as possible. I just want the VC to finally live up to its potential.

-Bayonetta 3-

I realize Bayonetta 2 may not have sold enough to merit a sequel, but, then again, neither did the first game. And yet, Nintendo was still willing to throw some of its massive cash hoard around to make it happen. And I would be so, so happy if they were to do it again. I just want more Bayonetta, darn it!

-Metroid Prime 4-

You know it, and I know it. It's been too damn long since we last had a good a Metroid game. And some crappy looking 3DS multiplayer spin-off with a soccer minigame of all things isn't gonna cut it. I want awe-inspiring alien locales to explore, new power-ups to uncover, secrets to find, lore to learn, and enemies to face. Come on, Retro. We know you've been working on something. And after all these years, it'd better not be another Donkey Kong sidescroller.

-Zelda Wii U...but on NX-

I still think Zelda Wii U is gonna come to the NX as well as the current gen platform. And while the port alone wouldn't be enough to convince me to buy an NX, if I do get one, I wouldn't say “no” to playing the newest Zelda in the 1080p/60fps goodness that the more powerful hardware could ideally handle.

-Splatoon 2-

Or Spla2n, if you want to think you're clever. Why do I want a sequel to Splatoon when the original game has already done a good job of expanding on itself? Well, aside from the possibility of being able to play it with a decent controller, I want a good single player campaign. There wasn't anything technically wrong with Splatone's single player mode, but I think Yahtzee hit the nail on the head when he said the slower, precision platforming didn't mesh well with fast-paced chaotic shooting experienced in the multiplayer. If they can bring that kind of action to a single player environment, I'd dare say we'd be in for quite a treat.

-Super Mario Galaxy 3-

Take the Galaxy games, expand Mario's moveset with the moves that were removed from previous entries, open up the levels a bit to allow for more exploration, allow players to collect more than one star in one go a la Banjo Kazooie, make some crazy new levels, add another godlike orchestral soundtrack courtesy of Koji Kondo, and, viola! Guaranteed system seller. Bonus points if you remake the first two Galaxy games in HD with a traditional control scheme. Further bonus points if you bundle those with the third game in one convenient package.

-Kid Icarus Uprising 2-

Kid Icarus Uprising was a really fun little title marred by awful controls that could be mostly attributed to the constraints of the 3DS's inputs. Putting it on a console with a dual-stick controller would iron out that major flaw. And I don't want to live in a world where we don't see more of Pit, Pittoo, Palutena, Viridi, Phosphora, Magnus, Lady Gaol, and Hades (He survived, right? Just a little bit. Enough to taunt you after the end credits) for another twenty-five years.

-Console Exclusive Monster Hunter-

Speaking of games being constrained by being squeezed into a portable environment. It's a shame that Monster Hunter is pretty much limited to handheld consoles these days, because I think there's still plenty of room for the games to expand. The environments could be larger, and not be broken up into sections that only break the flow of the hunt. We could have even bigger monsters than we have now. And at a better frame rate too. And we can capture, tame, and ride monsters! Wouldn't that be awesome?! Aw, who am I kidding? I'd probably just take an NX port of Monster Hunter X at this point. I'd just much rather play Monster Hunter on a console than a handheld.

-The Last Story 2-

Remember how The Last Story was gonna be a sci-fi game before it went fantasy? Yeah, I'll take that, please.

-Nintendo Kart-

What I mean here is that you take Mario Kart and put characters and tracks from other Nintendo properties outside of Mario. You could have Samus, Fox, and Captain Falcon racing around in little karts themed after their respective vehicles. I've had this idea for a track based on Metroid Prime. You start out in Tallon Overworld, then drive through into Chozo Ruins, down to Magmoor Caverns, then up again to Phendrana Drifts where you'll be accosted by Sheegoths, until you reach the Phazon Mines, then you get to the Impact Crater, and at the finishing line the Metroid Prime is waiting for you and you have to avoid its attacks. Adding in these new characters and race tracks would be a great way to spice up the Mario Kart series with some fresh faces. At least they'd be more interesting than Metal Peach. And, hey, we've already seen the start of this with the Mario Kart 8 DLC.

Just take it a step further.

-Shadow of the Eternals-

Remember Shadow of the Eternals? That crowd funded project that was supposed to be a spiritual successor to Eternal Darkness developed by some of the guys who used to work on it? Apparently, in spite of two failed crowd funding campaigns, the game's still getting made. But it's been so long since we've heard anything about it, I'm beginning to get a little worried. Could the title have been moved to NX? I guess we'll just have to wait to find out.

-New IPs-

Perhaps most importantly, though, I want to see something that we haven't seen before. As much as I want to see sequels to games I love, I want to see Nintendo step outside their comfort zone and do things that aren't parts of pre-established franchises just as much. Splatoon was a good start, but there needs to be more of its ilk. Games that feel special and unique, that are trying completely new things. Those kinds of games would really get me pumped for the NX.

You may notice something a bit different about the year end awards ceremony this year: it's not the usual Top 5. While 2015 may have had its fair share of noteworthy games, few of them seemed to be hitting Nintendo's platforms. Much to my chagrin, I had to miss out on games like Witcher 3, Batman Arkham Knight, Fallout 4, or pretty much any other AAA multiplatform game you can name, for better and for worse. This isn't anything new, but, for whatever reason, Nintendo's stable of releases this year failed to resonate with me, making the lack of third party support all the more poignant. Then Zelda got delayed, and I've already spoken enough on that. The few titles that did release on Nintendo devices in 2015 were underwhelming, with only few exceptions. And I'm not about to let the year go by without giving these exemplary games their due. Keep in mind, these games won't be listed in any particular order. This isn't so much a ranking as it is a laundry list of games I genuinely enjoyed throughout the year.

Bladefinger's Game of the Year Awards 2015

Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate (3DS)

As much as I may rail on Nintendo's lacking third party support, at least the 3DS has made a few modest strides in that area, and the Monster Hunter series is the best example of that. With it being such a huge success in Japan, and even carving a respectable niche in the West, it's safe to say that Monster Hunter might be one of the flagship titles for the system, right alongside first party giants like Pokemon or Mario. Monster Hunter 4 was the latest release we Westerners were able to get our hands on.

After putting about 100 hours into it, I haven't seen everything in this game. It's still throwing completely new monsters at me, even after I've kicked the main monster's butt multiple times and carved it up into a fancy suit of armor and complimentary Great Sword. And that's not even taking into account the months-worth of free DLC Capcom's been dishing out since launch. Suffice to say, Monster Hunter 4 will be lasting me a long, long time.

Splatoon (Wii U)

Splatoon's a bit of an odd choice. I'm more of the single-player type. And while Splatoon may have had a single player campaign, that's not why it's on this list. No, what cemented Splatoon's place as one of my top games of the year was the multiplayer. Some of the most fun moments I've had this year were spent playing this game. I remember leaving the beta sessions feeling especially giddy. That's just the type of game Splatoon is: it's just plain fun. Throwing paint around then swimming swiftly through it has such a good sense of flow to it. It's a fresh, new idea in an industry that's starved for gameplay innovation.

And isn't it refreshing for one of the year's most notable games to be a completely new IP, from Nintendo no less. Goes to show they don't need to keep shoving Mario down our throats to remain relevant. If they can come up with something unique, engaging, and well-polished, like Splatoon, while throwing enough advertising money at it, perhaps there's hope for Nintendo after all.

The slim amount of content was definitely a sticking point for the game when it launched. Since then, however, Nintendo has been doing their best to fix that issue. We've had a few new game types, new maps to play in, new weapons to use, and new clothing options for our squiddy avatars to wear. By the way, Nintendo, I'm still waiting to play as an Octoling! And while you're at it, could you patch in Pro Controller support, so we can have two players going online together on the same system or use the superior controller when alone? And get rid of the obnoxious two map limit? And allow us to change our weapon load-out in the lobby? Since all this DLC is free, I've been coming back to Splatoon quite a bit over the year, and I almost always have a good time.

I know this is the Dojo, but you can't screengrab an online multiplayer match, so this'll have to do.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D ( 3DS)

I may not have been a fan of some of the changes Grezzo made to Majora's Mask. Still, they had a long way to go before they completely screwed it over. And I'd say this version is still a worthy successor to the N64 original, if for no other reason than the substantial graphical upgrade and control enhancements. Either way, Majora's Mask remains one heck of a game.

If there's one thing that Nintendo should take away from it when making Zelda Wii U, it's this: Scale is all well and good, but not the be-all-end-all that determines a game's quality. You can put all the effort you want into making the biggest, most expansive world of any video game, but it's all for naught if you don't fill it with meaningful content. It needs to have more than completing a lot of empty fetchquests for cardboard NPCs to collect meaningless rewards.

It's the little details that matter most.

It may be the smallest 3D Zelda game to date. It may have the fewest dungeons. It may have had the fewest new assets and the least development time. And yet, to this day, no Zelda game has had a world so deep, complex, and engrossing; characters so likable and believable; and a sense of atmosphere so well crafted as Majora's Mask. I'd dare say, if Zelda Wii U can match that level of quality with its current scale and ambition, we may well have one of the greatest games ever made to look forward to next year. Or whenever it comes out.

Steamworld Heist (3DS, Wii U, PS4, Vita, Xbox One, PC)

Here's a bit of a late entry, but one no less relevant. Steamworld Heist released earlier this month, which means it missed a lot of Game of the Year discussions. See, this is why I hold off til the very end of the year. You never know when something good may pop up.

The name may sound familiar to those who played 2013's Steamworld Dig, and for good reason. It's a sort of sequel to that game, only it takes place in space, as opposed to the wild west, with an entirely new batch of steambots. And it's a turn based strategy game. I haven't had the chance to review it yet, since I have yet to finish it, but I'm far enough in that I can feel safe in saying that this is one 2015 game you do not want to miss.

Unfortunately, it's only on 3DS at this point, but it will be coming to all the major gaming platforms eventually. And when it does, I highly recommend giving it a shot.

The tale of the Wii U is a tragic one. A tale of hubris and oversized touchscreen controllers. But there was one character that permeated its stage, providing a beacon of light in the darkness, hope for the future. And, no, I'm not talking about Zelda Wii U this time. I'm talking about Xenoblade Chronicles X. I still remember the moment it was announced. The anticipation was palpable. Years have passed since then. Many games have come out for Wii U. Some good. Some bad. A few were even great. But nothing seemed to change the fact that the Wii U was a dying system. It wasn't selling, third party support was drying up to nothing, and Nintendo seemed incapable of providing it with a consistent schedule of releases. In spite of all the doom and gloom, there was always the promise of Xenoblade Chronicles X on the horizon. You know what, I'm just gonna call it Xenoblade from now on.

I may not have been the biggest fan of the first Xenoblade back in the day. But, I have to admit, I'm struck with oddly fond memories of it. The spectacular world, the visuals, the story, the cheesy voice acting that made it sound like an 80-hour long British comedy. What I'm trying to get out there is, in spite of all the flack of I give it, Xenoblade the first is a pretty good game. So that's why I was so hopeful I could take to the rooftops and sing the sequel's praises for all to hear. I still wish I could do that. But I can't.

After all these years, I can't say I'm not extremely disappointed with Monolith Soft's recent effort. I don't know why they even called it “Xenoblade”. There's no Monado that I could find, and any swords wielded by the various alien races weren't of particular plot importance. Instead of taking place on the corpses of titanic deities, the new Xenoblade takes place on the uncharted alien planet of Mira. A war between two alien races destroys Earth, leaving the last surviving remnants of humanity adrift in space. Months after crash landing on Mira, you're awoken from stasis by Elma, an agent of BLADE, the organization dedicated to rebuilding human civilization. Before long, you too are tasked with that lofty goal. And it won't be easy. Mira is a hostile world, filled with savage creatures. Worse, one of the warring alien factions that led to the destruction of Earth has taken up residence on Mira as well, and they're intent on finishing the job. So, it falls to you to mine Mira's resources, fend off frisky wildlife, defend the last bastion of humanity from its enemies, and locate the stasis pod that holds the other survivors.

So, we've got more of a sandbox set-up going on here. The first Xenoblade was an open world, sure, but there was a set order you had to go through as you made your way through the game. After all, you couldn't start at the Bionis's feet and go directly to its head. You had to up its leg, torso, along the back. In the sequel, that isn't the case. The whole world is opened up to you, allowing you to go pretty much anywhere. And it's hard not to be amazed by the scope of this game. The environments are expansive, trumping even other modern sandboxes in terms of size. Each is filled with flora and fauna, from small bugs to massive dinosaurs that dwarf the player in their immensity. And it looks and runs fairly well too, even if it is capped at 30 fps and had a few instances of textures popping in. You'd better have some space on your Wii U hard drive, though. Otherwise, you'll have to deal with worse load times.

Sadly, the immensity of the world is only skin deep. Sure, it's big, but there's so little to do in it. Basically, it's just one mad dash between point A and point B, with little of the side content and secrets to uncover that makes a good sandbox. Sure, there are a few secret areas, but they're almost always filled with overleveled monsters that you don't stand a chance against, so you're better off avoiding these areas like the plague. And even should you dare to venture into one and aren't immediately mashed into monster meal, there's very little reward for your risk. There aren't any meaningful items to find, I mean. The best gear is usually found in shop or by completing quests, with any bits found in the overworld being of no more use than a little extra cash. The multitude of random collectibles you find aren't good for much either, only being used as side quest objectives.

Speaking of sidequests, Xenoblade has a few of those, but they're almost always repetitive fetch quests. The affinity missions usually have more meat to them with a bit of background plot, but even those devolve into “go here, kill x amount of monster y, collect x amounts of useless collectible z, and return to me for some back story”. The main campaign is a bit better. It keeps introducing us to new alien factions and characters. It's still muddled with plot problems, though. For instance, one of main goals of BLADE is to find the Lifehold, the giant stasis pod that hides the stash of human survivors. Once, during my travels in between main missions, I found the Lifehold, or at least a part of it, sticking out of the water off the coast of the starting area. Naturally, I swam up to it. But, nothing happened. See, even though the Lifehold is so important, clearly it's not “so important” that the game would actually let us find it until the appointed time, which kinda ruins the point of a sandbox, doesn't it? Allowing the player to go off the beaten path and discover things at their own pace. But here I was swimming against this supposedly vital point, and the game refused to acknowledge it. It couldn't even hide behind the thin veil of the characters mistaking it for alien tech at the time. It had the U.S. flag with the words “UNITED STATES” written underneath it, in English. To be fair, I tried to find it later, to jokingly point it out to a friend, but I couldn't find it. So, either I have faulty memory or it was just a glitch and I wasted a paragraph's-wort of your time.

As if that would excuse the terrible writing. The characters are bland and unremarkable, not aided in the slightest by their atrocious facial animations. I may be donning nostalgia goggles here, but I seem to remember the characters in the first Xenoblade having better facial animation than the glass-eyed mannequins on display here, who talk by flapping their jaws like sock poppets. This might sound like a nitpick, considering how sore a point faces are for video game animation, but does it not boggle anyone else's mind that characters rendered on a Wii are somehow more expressive than those rendered on the Wii U? Oh sure, they look better, being in HD, but that'll be of little comfort when the uncanny valley hits you like a locomotive.

They may as well be robots. Well, and this is going into spoiler territory, so those of you who aren't otherwise aware of where I'm taking this, you may want to skip this entire paragraph.

They are. Turns out, all the active humans in the story are actually robots being lived through vicariously by humans kept in stasis in the Lifehold. The idea is that no one wanted to spend their years in space, only to die before they found a new planet to colonize nor did they want to be stuck in stasis, so they built these robots to live through instead, getting the best of both worlds. It's a fairly well executed twist. It certainly caught me by surprise. Its reveal is appropriately dramatic, and it can slightly explain how the characters get revived after an in-game death. But, it doesn't really change much, narratively. Finding the Lifehold was already a fairly big deal, regardless of the personal stake any of the characters had in it. I mean it has presumably thousands, if not millions, of human beings kept inside it. In the following chapter, there are these Miran beasts that attack any living things, and they make a big deal of how they wouldn't harm any of the player characters, since they aren't actually alive. But that gets shot in the foot when Tatsu shows up. Tatsu is a Nopon, one of the annoying rabbit-like persons from the first game, because reasons. Anyway, Tatsu is a living thing. Which means the monsters in the area would attack him, so we're stuck with a boss fight regardless of what was set up. So, what was the point of this twist, anyway? Beats me. And another thing: at one point, someone mentions that food rations are running low, but why would that be a problem if everyone is a robot? I know they're trying to live normal lives, but a food shortage still wouldn't be a problem since they're all mechanical. Come to think of it, only a few Earthlings were allowed onto the escaping spaceships, presumably due to capacity limits on the ships themselves. With that in mind, those who got on the ship filled it with lifeless robots, instead of more refugees, just so they wouldn't be forced to spend their years in space “living” the opening scene to Alien. Seriously, that's pretty fucked up. And even if the entirety of those who made it on the ship were vital personnel needed to man the ship, wouldn't it make more sense to just have them to lump it and live out their days spacing doing their job so they could fit more actual human beings on board in the stasis pods? So, the twist doesn't really stand up too well, and I assume it was thrown in there more for cheap shock value than any actual narrative merit.

Full disclosure, I haven't actually finished Xenoblade. I have more worthy games I've yet to play through, and I was getting absolutely fed up with Xenoblade's bullshit. Remember the bad writing? Turns out, it's repetitive too. There's one joke with the characters talking about eating Rikki-I mean, Tatsu that gets run into the ground right about the first time it's used, and just keeps getting repeated ad nauseam long after that. Because Tatsu looks like a potato. Humor, right? And then there's the dinner scenes that precede every main mission. You pick what kind of food you'd like to see virtually recreated in game, one of the characters congratulates you in your meaningless decision, makes the food, runs the Tatsu-looks-like-food joke a bit further into the ground, all so the characters can presumably eat the meal. I dunno, the screen just fades to black and the plate is empty. They could've just as easily thrown it all in the trash for all we know. Or care. Maybe this is like Monster Hunter, and the meal is bestowing stat bonuses from the upcoming mission, but the game never tells you this, so who cares? It's just pointless, annoying filler in a game that's already bursting with the stuff.

And why is it you can only access main missions after completing “optional” objectives, like surveying a certain percentage of an area, finishing certain side quests, or whatever. These things that were supposed to be optional are getting shoved down our throat for no good reason. It'd be like if Wind Waker kept you from entering any of the dungeons until you'd completed the Triforce shard hunt before each one.

So, any improvements? Well, combat, a bit. Being able to switch between long range and melee weapons is nice. It makes battles a little more dynamic, giving you more control over how your character acts in battle, short of yelling out moves for them to perform like they're a Pokemon. Do you have them go in close and be more at risk for drawing an enemy's aggro, or do you pull away and fire at a distance to lose aggro? Your AI partners will also call out certain types of moves they want you to pull off, and you get a bonus for doing so. Still, it doesn't fix my overall problems with the combat system, the lack of control. I don't know why you're allowed to move around in combat. You can't manually dodge an attack, even if you put a mile between you and the attacker. The only reason in-combat movement seems to exist is to allow attacking an enemy from the side or back for bonuses on certain moves, and that could've been easily recreated in a turn based format anyway, while opening up way more strategic options by allowing you to directly control the entire party. And have I mentioned how much I hate auto attacks? There should never be a moment when my character is just standing there, holding his sword up like an idiot, as opposed to using it for its intended purpose. If you're going to make this an action RPG, fine! Let us do some actions, for heaven's sake. Give us a manual attack button. The Last Story had this down back in 2012. Otherwise, just make it a turn based RPG. Don't just haphazardly marry the two.

In spite of all my complaints, there is one thing that could have redeemed Xenoblade Chronicles X for me: the mechs, or skells, as they're referred to in game. They were a huge selling point, and one of the main reasons I was so excited for this game in the first place. But the game forces you to go through so much tedious busywork to unlock them. I understand not giving one to you right at the get-go, but even after you've made your way through the campaign to the point where you're allowed to use them, you have to complete a tediously long, multi-layered fetch quest. I nearly gave up before finishing it, it was so bad. But, I worked my way through it and finally got my skell.

It's the big things in life you truly treasure.

And it was worth it. Skells are such a cool addition to the game. Moving in one has the inherent appeal of stomping around in a giant robot. They can transform into a wheeled vehicle for blisteringly fast overworld traversal, turning smaller enemies into roadkill as you drive over them. They have ridiculously overpowered weapons. And there are different kinds of frames with their own unique attributes. And you can customize them with personal color schemes. It was awesome!

That is until I decided to tackle one of the affinity missions needed to unlock the next story quest. Everything was going smoothly at first. I completed the objectives, going here and there like a well-trained Labrador. Then I came to a cutscene establishing that I had to fight a bunch of lvl 15 grunt enemies. Now, keep in mind this was a scripted story sequence, not a random encounter. “No problem.” I think to myself, “My skell and I will make short work of these pests.” Which we proceed to do when, out of absolutely nowhere, my skell explodes. No warning. No chance to evacuate it to save it from destruction. It just blows up. Now, the most probable explanation was that a high-powered enemy, far exceeding even my skell in power, to the point where it managed to reduce it to rubble in a single blow, just wandered into the fray with no prior warning or fanfare. DURING A SCRIPTED COMBAT SEQUENCE THAT IS COMPLETELY NECESSARY TO ADVANCE THE STORY. Thanks, Xenoblade. I couldn't be sure, though. I died almost immediately afterwords, and I didn't see any such foe. It could also have been a glitch, as if that excuses it any.

True, you do have skell insurance that gives you a few freebies before you have to pay out of pocket to repair a damaged skell. But that doesn't change the fact that this game is cheap. It constantly pulls these overpowered enemies out of its ass, without giving the player any warning. Since there's absolutely no way of beating them at your current level, your only option is run away and hope RNG has the monster targeting your character last of all your party.

Even assuming the game were properly balanced, there's little else to it to keep me invested. The story may sound interesting, but its populated by the blandest, least likable characters ever created. The world is beautiful, but it's needlessly difficult to explore, with all the overpowered enemies wandering around, and, worse yet, there's little reason to explore it all in the first place, short of mere sightseeing. And that's what Xenoblade is. It's pure spectacle. It's little more than following a dotted line to the next set piece. It has its moments, sure, but they're all buried beneath layers upon layers of tedious fetchquesting. And should you dare go off the beaten path to organically explore for a bit, chances are you'll be flattened by a giant monkey in a second. It's pretty to look at, but take a peak beneath the set dressing, you'll find that the beauty is only skin deep. And then the monkey punches you.

I'm sorry content has all but dried up around here recently. But it's mighty difficult to cover games, when there are so few games worth covering in the first place. Nintendo's decision to delay all their big games to 2016 won't be currying them any favor with loyalists who've been hungering for something other than an incessant stream of 2D platformers. So, while we wait with bated breath for the long overdue release of Xenoblade Chronicles X, let's talk demos!

As if to disprove my complaints that the current Wii U line-up is nothing more than constant nostalgia grinding, here comes Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water, an entirely rare breed for the system, an M-rated survival horror game. Fatal Frame has never been that popular a series, even back when it was riding the mighty H.M.S. PS2. Sailing on the sinking Wii U to what has been a rather lukewarm reception, I'm afraid this game doesn't have a ghost of a chance of making its money back.

Get it?! It has ghosts in it!

And to make matters even worse, the game just isn't that good.

Well, at least the demo isn't. I say demo, but it's more like a free download of the game with only the first three sections playable without paying the $50 price tag. It took me hours download the darn thing, it was so large. Turned out it was all for naught, because the game itself doesn't seem to be up to much. And judging from the reviews, things don't get too much better later on.

Like I said, you get to play through the first three chapters of the game (or “drops” as they're called, because water). But it only really opens up in the third one. The first two are nothing more than aggravatingly handholdy tutorial levels with barely any exploration or challenge. So, why couldn't you have just had a demo of the third chapter? Or is it Nintendo's mantra to do things the difficult way?

In Fatal Frame, you take pictures of ghosts to exorcise them. So it's kinda like Pokemon Snap, except all the Pokemon are twisted shades of humanity that can kill you. And there's no Professor Oak. Or Todd Snap, for that matter. Instead, we get a bunch of vacant-faced waifus who stand around gawking at approaching specters as opposed to doing the sensible thing, which would be to turn round and hightail it outta there. And there's Maiden of Black Water's first flaw, it's story just isn't that interesting. None of the characters emote or act in a relatable manner. When a ghost pops up in front of them, they barely react beyond a dead pan stare. It's hard to care about a story with characters so unengaging as these.

Thankfully, the gameplay is at least somewhat interesting. Warding off ghosts by taking snap shots of them is pretty fun. It is a bit too easy, though. Ghosts telegraph their attacks far too obviously, and the camera's lens will even flash in warning, giving you plenty of time to stop their attack by shooting them with the camera, which will invariably send them reeling and allow you to fire off a few extra free shots without expending any film. Not that you need to worry about running out of film. The game practically showers you with the stuff. And all the different types of film are completely extraneous. The default film type can take down ghosts in just a few shots, and there's plenty of it lying around.

The controls are also rather sluggish. Your character moves slowly and awkwardly, and the way your movement lines up with the camera rotation on the right stick can make navigating a wonky task, which isn't helped by the corridor level design. Not to worry, though, there's a dash button handy, so walking around isn't a complete chore. Unfortunately, this too functions awkwardly, as it sends your character dashing forward, flailing their arms around in the way Japanese schoolgirls are wont to do (if anime is to be believed). You can steer this mad dash a little by tilting the left stick, but it winds up feeling like the character is running a marathon dead drunk.

But, this is a horror game, after all. And clunky controls are pretty much a staple of the genre, so I can forgive Maiden of Black Water for that. Not so much for the forced GamePad gimmcks. Sure, waving the GamePad around like it's an actual camera may sound like a jolly fun time for some people. I am not one of those people. I turned off the GamePad aiming almost immediately, but the game still found other ways to shove Nintendo's clunky hunk of junk down my throat. So, you have to rotate the GamePad to rotate the camera's view so you can switch between landscape and portrait views to get a better view of the ghosts. Not like you couldn't use the L and R bumpers for the same effect, or just keep the viewfinder in portrait mode, cause there's not much need to rotate it anyway. Also, Wii U developers, would it kill you to include Pro Controller options by default. I know Nintendo may be looming over you like a disapproving nanny every time you map controls sensibly to buttons instead of motion controls for the sake of “innovation”, but you can still leave the option for traditional controls fairly easily. Plenty of Wii U games do it, even those made by Nintendo.

And here's the nail in the coffin, folks, the one thing that makes me wary to cough up the $50 necessary to get the rest of the Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water experience. It wasn't scary. And for a horror game, that's a pretty damning statement. At no point in my venturing through it's haunted mountain did I feel as though as I was in danger. The ghosts were fairly easy to dispel, I had plenty of film to do it with, and things went uncharacteristically smoothly, aside from a couple of special ghost fights near the end of the demo where things got a bit hairy. Even then, I still had swathes of healing items handy. If the characters were in the slightest bit relatable, perhaps I'd be able empathize with their plights more. As it stands, nothing about this game really grabbed me.

And that's a shame, because this game is the sort of thing the Wii U could use more. Not necessarily survival horror games, but more diversity in general, games that go outside the usual happy-go-lucky platformers that have cluttered the system's library. I wanted it to be something like Bayonetta 2, something to break up the monotony. I suppose it does that, in a way, but only by bringing in a different kind of monotony. I wish it were better, so I could more easily recommend this game, but I just can't. And it's especially painful because this game is almost certainly going to flop. Given how stingy NOA was in localizing this, what with making it digital only and all, I fear its failure will only make them even stingier with future niche releases like this one. Please, NOA, exercise some common sense, for once. If this game flops, it doesn't mean every niche Japanese game that comes to your system will do the same. And even if they do, heaven knows you can't be choosy when your line-up without them is so bare bones it can make a skeleton weight-conscious. In short, don't be so stingy with localization, please. And for the love of god, release Metroid: Zero Mission on the eShop, already!

Anyway, lets switch gears and go from talking about a game sure to fail to a game sure to succeed: The Legend of Zelda: Triforce Heroes. Yes, my friends, it's finally here! The next installment in The Legend of Zelda series. Finally, at long last, we'll be able to experience the greatness of Nintendo's flagship franchise. A majestic work of art that will put everything else to shame!

Nah, I'm just ribbing you. Triforce Heroes is just a slapdash multiplayer spin-off.

I kinda feel like it was thrown together in an effort to make up for Zelda Wii U's delay. Whether that's the case or not, in spite of my fondness for the Zelda series, Triforce Heroes is a game I've had little interest in ever since it was first announced back at E3. It was took the visual style of A Link Between Worlds (one of its worst parts), removed everything that made that game good (wall-merging, open world exploration), and threw in a multiplayer element with fewer players than the previous Four Swords games.

Short a sword.

But, oh, we can stack our Link's on the other players' shoulders so the designers can put puzzle elements on higher elevations. Wow. Truly, this will be a leap forward for the series.

My main problem with Triforce Heroes is that it's a multiplayer game that forces the player to rely far too much on his companions. First off, shared health. An obnoxious feature at its best. Two players can perform with absolute precision, taking no damage, and still lose because they had the misfortune of being paired with a completely inept idiot or, worse, some jerk who kept losing health on purpose. That happened once or twice during my playthrough of the demo. I know what you're saying, “But, Bladefinger, you should have better friends”. Well, joke's on you! I had to play with my sisters, and I can't get better sisters. I'm stuck with the ones I have...God bless 'em.

That's the problem with Triforce Heroes: it gives dicks too much of an opportunity to be dicks. There's that piggyback mechanic, or “totem” as it's referred to in-game, that'll really provide the trolls with a canvas. Several times throughout the demo, my sisters and I would have to stack up to hit switches or hit an enemy's weakpoint. We'd be running around trying to grab each other, like it was a comedy sketch. I could just imagine the Benny Hill music playing. Worse yet, if someone else grabs you, you're left entirely at their mercy. You can't jump off their shoulders. All you can do is slash your sword or use an item. They can throw you off a ledge, if they want to, and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

This might sound funny, and it was, I'll admit. But I imagine it'd be far less amusing when having to play with random players online, whose names and personalities are unknown to me, who's motivations would be completely in the dark. I can't tell if they're being playful, ignorant, or rude. And none of this will be helped by the lack of online voice chat. There are these emotes you can map to the bottom screen that can help in getting your aim across, but they're so vague they barely help much.

And the multiplayer options are so limited, you'll pretty much have to play online, if you don't have a couple siblings or friends handy. There absolutely has to be three players. You can't have two players with a computer controlling the third Link. There is download play, thankfully. So all you need is one copy of the game, a couple extra 3DSs, and two other people willing to put up with you throughout the game's 32 dungeons.

There is a single player mode, but it barely warrants mentioning. It's just the multiplayer mode with the other two players replaced with these lifeless dolls. You can switch control between them to simulate the multiplayer experience. But it has the same problem the single player in the Four Swords games did in that it takes three times as long to do anything, because you have to do the work of three people all on your own. Say there are three separate switches that need to be pressed simultaneously. You'll need to maneuver each Link over a switch, one at a time. It turns the whole affair into more of an embuggerance.

Forcing cooperation so much on the player, ironically, encourages animosity more than camaraderie. There's just so many ways for another player to intentionally or unintentionally screw things up for everyone else. Far too many, in my opinion. And yet, in spite of this, I still enjoyed my brief time with Triforce Heroes more than I was expecting to. But, I have reason to doubt I would have enjoyed it as well if I'd been playing online with random players, as opposed to my own blood relations. Again, like Fatal Frame, the demo failed to convince me that Triforce Heroes was worth a buy. Unlike Fatal Frame, however, I can rest easy knowing that Zelda Wii U is in no danger of being canceled as there are probably millions who think otherwise and have already bought Triforce Heroes, played through it, and written a complex analysis on where it falls on the Zelda timeline.

I will say one thing about the summer release drought, it's as good a time as any to catch up on your backlog. It's funny that the industry only has two types of release schedules: either abounding plenty or absolutely nothing. Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate was a game that released during the former, way back in March, right alongside Majora's Mask 3D. Obviously, I went for Majora. And now, while we're all stuck waiting for the inevitable holiday glut, I've had the perfect opportunity to try my hand at the latest installment of the Monster Hunter series.

Admittedly, I've had plenty of time before now to give it a go. It's just that I was holding out for a Wii U version, a la Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate. But after E3 came and went without so much as a word on the prospect, and Capcom announced the next Monster Hunter title, it became increasing clear that Monster Hunter 4 on Wii U was never going to be. So, I had to settle for the 3DS version.

Oh, woe is me...

This isn't my first time with a Monster Hunter game, though. I put a few hours into Tri back on the Wii, but I never got very far into it. Monster Hunter, is, after all, rather impenetrable for newcomers. Which is a bit strange, as the premise is so simple and approachable. Kill giant monsters, wear their skin like a trophy, and use their claws to carve up even bigger monsters. Well, that's the core concept anyway.

Those who manage to work their way through the esoteric mechanics will find a deep, complex, and rewarding action RPG. First off, the weapon selection. There's your standard suite of Monster Hunter armaments: the oversized Great Sword for dealing thunderous blows, the Lance for defending, the agile Sword and Shield combo, etc. Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate adds in two new weapon types: the Charge Blade and the Insect Glaive. The Charge Blade starts off as a heavier sword and shield, but the two can joined to form a large axe. Meanwhile, the Insect Glaive comes with an insect companion that saps special buffs from a monster for the hunter.

Then there's character customization, a bit of fluff that I'm never opposed to. Of course, you can customize your character, but there's little point to that since they'll just wind up obscured beneath piles of plate armor anyway. Thankfully, the armor looks cool. The fact that you earned these impressive weapons and suits of armor by taking down some mammoth beast makes them all the more enticing and fulfilling. Still, it can't help but feel a little annoying when you have to take down a particular monster several times to get its entire armor set. These are monsters that tower over the player, and yet, when they're finally taken down, the player only has enough materials to make a helmet or breastplate? I took down this massive monster and yet can only gather a handful of a scales? And why didn't I get it's horn? I know it has one. It was shoving it up my butt the whole time I was trying to kill it. Hunting taxes must be horrendous in this universe.

All this, and all you get is a helmet.

It's that bit of odd video game logic that permeates Pokemon. Why can't I catch a Pokemon when it's fainted? Why do I have to cut off a monster's tail while it's alive, as opposed to carving it off after it's dead? Maybe it's sportsmanship that keeps monster hunters from acting sensibly. Which would explain why it takes them thirty minutes to drink a healing potion. After all, it just wouldn't be fair on the gigantic monster if the miniscule hunter quickly quaffed down a potion. No, it's better to just stand there and flex, even as the monster is bearing down upon them with vicious intent.

Sadly, there's quite a few worse things than that gumming up the works in Monster Hunter 4, and perhaps Monster Hunter in general. For one thing, the crucial NPCs are way too chatty. I don't mind the average town folk having a lot to say when I talk to them since they're an optional facet, and their presence is solely to flesh out the world. But when I'm visiting the blacksmith to upgrade my sword, buying something from the shop, or accepting a quest from the guildmarm, the last thing I want to do is hammer the A button through several unnecessary scrolls of text that only get in the way of my purpose.

While the quests tasking you with hunting any of the game's assortment of dragons, dinosaurs, and beasts are exciting and involving, they're but a portion of the game's total. For every quest pitting you against some elder dragon god, there's several others that just involve hunting a certain number of smaller, considerably less imposing targets. These “monsters” aren't even remotely as fun to deal with, as they are far less durable and barely deal any damage. They generally don't mesh well with the game's controls, either, which is something we'll be getting to later. Worse yet are the simple gathering quests. Sorry, but in a game where I have to fight a plague-spreading dragon, a quest where I have to gather mushrooms can only be described as “dull, forgettable filler”. And you have to go through these quests to get to the good stuff. They're just chores and busy work, two things that shouldn't have to be dealt with in a recreational activity.

And how 'bout them controls? To be honest, Monster Hunter 4 still controls fairly well, even for being limited to the 3DS. When fighting a large monster, you can activate a special targeting feature that centers the camera on the beast with a push of the L button, similar to L-targeting in a Zelda game. It works well, even if it can get the view stuck in unfortunate angles at times. Beyond that, there's little means of controlling the camera. Pressing the L button without a giant monster in your vicinity centers the camera behind the player. Alternatively, you can you use the D-pad to rotate the camera, but with the D-pad being underneath the circle pad, you can only resort to that when you're not moving, which can be inconvenient when fighting the aforementioned smaller monsters, who are constantly hopping in and out of your view. Or, you can sacrifice physical feedback and use a virtual D-pad on the touchscreen.

Item management is also painfully awkward. Having to cycle through a wheel of every usable item you have in your inventory makes it difficult to get to what you need, especially in the heat of battle. You'll be fumbling through you inventory while slowly dying of poison, trying to find your antidotes, all the while a monster is chasing after you. It wouldn't be so bad if we could map essentials to the D-pad for easy access, but, wait! How would you control the camera if the D-pad was used for item mapping? See, Nintendo, this is the problem with not having a second analog stick. I know you've tried to fix that with the Circle Pad Pro and New 3DS. But the former makes a portable system less portable and the latter costs $200, is barely supported with exclusive software to justify upgrading, and that sorry excuse for a second analog stick is far from ideal. So, for your next handheld, just put a second analog stick in it from the start, and we'll all be for the better.

And speaking of inadequate hardware, just like with its version of Smash, the 3DS is being woefully overexerted by Monster Hunter 4. When booting the game up, it has to essentially reset the system so it has enough resources to run the dang thing. And while it's running you can't multitask, so no Miiverse or internet browsing for you. And I can't really see why the game is so demanding. It doesn't look substantially better than Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate. And to my knowledge, that game ran on standard 3DS hardware without these compromises. Monster Hunter 4 still runs merely at 30 fps, and still has a tendency to drop below that when things get hairy. Of course these issues can be mitigated by playing on the New 3DS, but my stance on that remains unchanged.

But what gets to me most about the game being made for 3DS and only for 3DS is that the scope and openness of the game hasn't been allowed to grow from Tri. Even the Wii was capable of sizable open environments, as evidenced by the likes of Twilight Princess and Xenoblade Chronicles. And yet, Tri was terribly constrained in this area. While the game was keen to wow us with sweeping sceneries and vast vistas, it's individual environments were separated into small, tiny arenas connected by loading screens. And this problem still exists in Monster Hunter 4. As much as the designers may try to dress it up as a conscious design choice, it's still an annoyance that should be done away with. Nothing takes the wind out of a climactic duel than having a monster's attack knock you through a load screen into a different area. Nothing is more annoying than having to traipse through several loading screens searching for a monster that fled before you had a chance to paintball it. Loading screens break immersion and should be avoided if possible, not relied upon to pump fancy graphics beyond sensible hardware limits.

I'm not saying Monster Hunter needs to become a sandbox, but having each individual environment be a cohesive whole as opposed to a collection of rooms vaguely connected by loading screens would improve the playability significantly.

And that bring us to the crux of my complaints against Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate: it's a handheld game that should have been made for a console. A lot of my problems with the game could have been solved with a traditional controller and beefier hardware. The environments could have been way more open, allowing us to more organically explore and interact with said environment and its inhabitants. That intro cutscene that shows a hunter running away from an enraged monster, leading it into a trap set by another hunter. That could have been more than mere visual flimflammery. That could have been something that could be accomplished within gameplay.

So, why couldn't this game have been made for the Wii U, or, heck, even the PS4 or Xbone? Well, I know the business reasoning why not. Monster Hunter sells predominantly in Japan, and the console market in Japan is shrinking at an alarming rate while the handheld side of things remains more or less steady. Making a game for such a small market with such a great budget as AAA console games demand might not sound like the best investment.

But even with that in mind, I'm not entirely convinced a Monster Hunter game with open environments is entirely beyond the 3DS's capabilities. Ocarina of Time 3D featured huge landscapes for the player to explore. Heck, Xenoblade Chronicles is on the New 3DS now. It stands to reason they could tone down the graphics from there so they can hit the entire 3DS audience and still have open environments to show to them.

I'm not angry at Monster Hunter 4 for emphasizing superfluous graphics over playability. More disappointed. Partly because that's a concession that typifies the AAA industry these days, so much so I'd be one angry bastard if I really let that stuff get to me. And partly because it's still an enjoyable game. In spite of all the crap that gets in the way, when you're actually hunting monsters, the game shines. Fighting the game's large assortment of vicious monstrosities is exhilarating, and there's a lot of options for you to toy around with in taking them down. From all the different weapons types to the numerous skills to augment your character, there's so much variety to play around with. It's the sort of thing you won't get bored with any time soon.