[ title card ]
[ dissolve to sports talk show set, featuring a jovial Dave seated next to a ?? Greg ]

Dave Delmonte: Hi! And welcome to another edition of “Game Time with Dave and Greg”, your one-stop shop for sports talk! I’m former NFL linebacker Dave Delmonte… and, with me, as always, is my co-host Greg — [ quickly ] Greg is not an alien! And, today, we’ve got just one topic: March Madness. We’re a week away from Selection Sunday. Who’s going to be in, and who’s going to be out? Let’s go to the phones. Caller, are you there?

Caller 1: Um, yeah, uh — this is Chuck in Seacaucus. Um — look, you guys, I love the show. I gotta say, Dave, you were wrong about O.U. I mean, wow, man, can you spell “upset”?

Caller 2: Hi! The topic I want to talk about is Human Lessons, which I just saw you giving Greg coming out of the commercial.

Greg: Hey, Bob! That’s myyyyyyy tax-i-cab!

Caller 2: Okay. See? Now he’s just saying things he heard. Alright? Classic alien move. And here’s something else: he never ages! Those pictures from the calendar? He’s the same in every one! Because he’s an — [ a hang-up ]

Caller 3: Hey, hey! Uh — you know something? I gotta talk about what just happened with the water. I mean, you almost killed Greg, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. I mean, every week — water! [ hangs up ]

Dave Delmonte: Okay! One final caller. We’re talking March Madness, and ONLY March Madness! Joey, from Paramus. Go ahead.

Caller 4: Okay, so me and my buddies were just sitting here, and we think we’ve figured it out. So, okay: if Greg is an alien, we are now convinced.

Dave Delmonte: Greg is not an alien!

Caller 4: Oh, psh! He is! Everyone knows that! The only question is: why put him on a sports show? Now, my theory is: in order to live, he’s gotta eat human muscle. And who has more muscles than the athlete guests that come on your show — all of whom, might I add, disappear right after their interviews.

[ cut to close-up of Greg, who now sprouts lizard-like wings between his neck and shoulders ]

Caller 4: Hot all the way this year, ba-by!

Dave Delmonte: Thank you, Caller! Time for a commercial! When we come back, we’ll talk to our guest, one of the strongest offensive tackles for U.T. — Randy Dukes.

[ cut to Randy Dukes standing backstage. He scowls, then threateningly holds up a water bottle within Greg’s line of vision ]
[ cut to Greg, who reacts to the water bottle by screeching and stretching out his fingers ]
[ cut back to Dukes, who squeezes water from the bottle ]