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resolution

Perhaps you have noticed that I have not been pumping out as many blogs as usual. Late last year I started to realize something that is embarrassing to admit.

Yep, my writing had become my identity. To say I was exhausted, confused and frustrated with the trajectory of my life was an understatement but I thought it would be lazy to stop. I was trying to make up for what I called, “lost time” and in doing so I worked myself to the bone.

It felt great to accomplish and receive compliments for it but ultimately all the work I was doing wasn’t fulfilling. If anything it made me realize that although I had won the war on anorexia I was starving.

All the goals and dreams I had for myself could not be sustained. It was all about me and my success. It was all about my 3.7 GPA, a beautiful modeling portfolio, acting gigs, tight time restraints and making a name for myself. Ultimately, I could not sustain myself or the lifestyle I had enslaved myself to.

Please don’t get me wrong. Almost every one of the blogs was inspired by my intimate relationship with God and my love for Him. But just because they were made from and for Him did not mean I should work myself to the bone to make certain my message out there.

Thus, my New Years Revelation, as I like to call it, is to not encourage myself to get it all together. It’s not even to see the great potential I have. My New Years Revelation has enticed me to stop focusing on my accomplishments and fix my eyes on what Jesus will do with this upcoming year. I will write tidbits of His love for others as He reveals them to me but I will not work myself so hard that I start to lose sight of my identity as a Daughter of the King.

As a Daughter of the King I am called to work and fulfill the purposes He has placed me here for but that work must be done out of rest. The rest I speak of is only found in the warmth and strength of His loving arms. When we continually spend time with Him and in His Word this rest becomes habitual. This habit will spread to all other areas of our lives. It will help keep us healthy, whole and joyful.

Dearest Reader, I know I’m not alone in this. I encourage you to take some time and think about it. How often do we think we are the Saviors of our own stories? Do you often work yourself to the point of exhaustion because you have something to prove? This is the mentality I am working towards breaking. I invite you to do the same. Please don’t take this as condemnation but rather a call to life and living it to the fullest. It can be very challenging to feel joy when we are consumed with everything we have must do in order to prove ourselves to each other, ourselves and God.

Whenever you sit down to do some good work stop yourself and check your intentions and listen to your body. Are you exhausted? Do you need a good nap?

No matter what the conclusion of that check might be, just and know that you are loved by a God who wants to see you live, not only in 2017, but the rest of your years to their fullest <3