Tuesday, October 11, 2011

For the past 2 years Laura Story and her music has ministered to my heart like none other. I love her songs. Make Something Beautiful is my favorite song. The second verse reads:

When I'm tired of pretending, and I can't recall my lines,
Do I say, I'm barely breathing, or just say, I'm doing fine.
I admit there is a yearning, for the hurting to subside,
But not at the risk of missing what You're doing with my life

It is hard for me to put into words how I am doing. I feel like it is hard for people to understand this many moves in 7 years and the toll it has taken on mine and John's life. There are SOOO many blessings that have come from the last 7 years and most of the time I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has been our story and it has refined us in so many beautiful ways. But the last few moves have been much harder and recovery is harder and longer. But I am thankful to say that we are moving forward. When we moved to Seattle, John and I had this conversation about how we were doing after the very stressful last 2 months of 2010 and he said "it is ok if we are not good, we just have to keep moving forward." I think this is the theme of this year for our family. I have fought depression this year but unlike 09 and early 10 it has not gotten the best of me - PRaise GOD!! We are just choosing to move forward and asking God to meet us right were we are. And He has. We are close to being settled in here and I don't function well with an unsettled home. So I am seeing the light around the corner :). And the highlight of this week is my sweet friend Erin, who has lost 80lbs this year, has started Couch to 5K with me. She has already been running but she gets it and she is willing to come along side me and walk this journey with me. It is a wonderful blessing from God. I can hardly move I am so sore but I have completed both of the runs the last 2 days and that is a huge feat for me. We LOVE having John at home and the boys love love love their 1.5 acres of roaming grounds. The Cook's are moving forward - one.step.at.a.time.