Sunday, February 22, 2009

cut me some slack

i realize my last 3 posts were just stuff on cats. cut me some fucking slack, i have writer's block. ranter's block. whatever. the only thing i really wanna rant about is work stuff and on the off chance it gets viewed by someone who doesn't like what i'd say i'm going to refrain. i learned from friends that ranting under your own name can haunt you.

but if you must get a rant then here.

i fucking hate being healthy. well not so much BEING healthy as LIVING healthy. i remember now just why i used to drink nothing but Mountain Dew and Monster. I remember why i ate fast food, Hot Pockets, and Oreos. I remember why i sat on my ass and played games all day. I FUCKING MISS THAT SHIT. I'm tired of drinking water all the time. I'm tired of pissing 5000 times a day. I'm tired of the same 4 or 5 basic meals. I'm tired of watching someone down a soda in front of me and having to keep from punching them in the face.

you know what i hate more than all that? ME. i hate myself for letting it come to this. I hate myself for not having the foresight back when i decided to just say "fuck it" and thinking ahead about just how HARD it was going to be to bounce back when i finally decided to pull my head out of my ass and get back into shape.

I don't regret the "why" of how i let it come to this. I very rarely if ever regret taking the easy way out. I'm lazy. I accept it and can live with it. It was easy to just say "well, i'm never dating again so if i can live with how i look then why give extra effort into looking good?" i don't regret that. Scoring some ass is not my primary or even secondary reason for all this. I abandoned chicks as the motivation to do ANYTHING a long time ago and frankly it's one of the best decisions i ever made. The rest of you suckers can go make fools out of yourself just to try and score, but not me. Some lucky lady wants a piece of Mayor Jimmy? Cool. I'd be more than happy to engage in some heavy polling in the bedroom district. If she thinks i'm buying her drinks, pretending to give a shit about her problems, or sucking up to her for it.... not a chance.

Getting back to the rant..... I make a lot of stupid choices in life. In fact i've made so many i lost count. If i had to list a few i think 3 come to mind right away.

- Dropping out of the Academy. i got bullied out. plain and simple. i let a bunch of jocks and douchebags run me out of town. If i had to leave i'd rather have been thrown out for beating one or two of them into a coma.

- Quitting Rantville. i got paid to blog. and i threw it away. someone please come kick me in the fucking head.

- Not becoming THE MAYOR sooner. why couldn't i be like this in high school? what i wouldn't give to transplant the "fuck all of you!!! i'm Jimmy Ballard and if you don't like it then eat shit and die!!!!" into the high school guy i was.

So like every dumb thing i've done in the past, i'm paying for the lack of vision in letting my body go to hell. I'm clawing my way back to being in shape and it sucks. I can only blame one person though. I can man up to it. YOU COME TALK TO ME, I'M 32 I'M A MAN!!!!