June 3, 2007

A few fishing lure manufacturers make cicada shaped lures, leveraging the fact that fish, especially big fish, will eagerly consume cicadas that fall into water. A cicada struggling on the surface of the water is like a dinner bell to hungry perch and bass. The Sanpei Fishing Tackle store (on Ebay) sells cicada shaped lures from Japan. I “won” one last week.

Fishing and cicada enthusiasts should consider buying one of these novelty lures.

i would like to use the picture of the cicada lure for my home and garden segment on our local tv station. the segment will air on tuesday, may 6.
thank you,
john marra
wvu extension agent
304-743-7131

So there I was, having a picnic in the park,
right up there on Occoneechee Mountain,
relishing the sarsaparilla and sweet pinesap,
and silvery checkspots drinking from the fountains,
then suddenly I see the lord of the tree rings,
dive like Pat McCormick into my black bean dip,
it sure weren’t no wasp or dragonfly,
and you better believe it weren’t no katydid.

Then I hear, cranking up at ninety-two decibels,
an ominous mating call I wouldn’t consider flattering,
it sounded like the Kobayashi Maru,
on a Weed Whacker’s battery,
then this cacophonous curmudgeon,
flitters in at the speed of stealth,
with bulging red eyes and translucent wings,
and a capellas that can strike quite a welp.

That whirring wastrel landed on my ice cream cone,
she must have summoned a riveting inquisition,
cuz next thing I knew hundreds went for the gravy boat,
I said, “Hey, what’s your imposition?”

And she said:

(I’m Zenaida the Magicicada,
the Methuselamama of the insect world!
I perform the last note on every lyre,
and let all the rare good times unfurl!
I’m the big shot wedding crasher,
I whip up hypnotic trance at every glance,
and this summer me and my dog day drove,
are kicking off a killer Sadie Hawkins dance!)

For days they decorated the lampposts,
and invaded each and every double-wide,
they crawled across my driveway like nightcrawlers,
garrisoning the whole South Side,
they even took over the local radio market,
conducting the Emergency Broadcast System,
sure, effective magic may be transcendent nature,
but to their curse all nature had succumbed.

Five and a half weeks passed by, they still partied hard,
nimble tymbals whirring on and off like a Liederkranz,
I couldn’t even hear myself think anymore,
flaunting and haunting on my daily jaunt,
then one early July afternoon on the evening news,
I saw a reporter give a cicada a finger-lickin’ smack,
He said, “This low-carb predator’s favorite,
is high in protein but low in fat!”

(Ha ha ha!)

So me and my buddies went on the offensive,
in our Cicada Chuck Wagon communion,
til’ Zenaida summoned her piercing palatines back underground.
saying, “See y’all at the 2021 reunion!”