ABOUT ME

About me: I'm 40 and eight months pregnant. My husband Chuck, our 7-year-old Junior, our 4-year-old Everette and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

My fondest memory ever, plus a winner

It was 8:43 a.m. I had just started up my computer when I heard a door slam across the office suite. I heard someone yell, “Don’t ever talk to me again!” And then I saw my boss running toward her office, away from another woman in the suite. My boss slammed the door. Her sniffling was audible through the paper-thin wall that separated our offices.

It was my first day of work.

After the sniffling subsided, I heard her doorknob clicking. Then, a few expletives. Then I heard what sounded like a high-heeled shoe kicking the door. There was grunting. More sniffling.

"I'm trapped!" she yelled.

A few minutes later the maintenance team arrived. They tried opening the door. No luck.

“You bent the hinges,” one of them said. “Did ya have an extra bowl of Wheaties today?”

“Just fix the damn door!”

Moe and Curly Maintenance Men spent the next few minutes chuckling as they pried the door hinges and took the door off of its frame. Instead of taking the door with them when they were done, they propped it against the wall outside my office.

What followed was a day of raised eyebrows and questions by curious passers-by:

“What happened here?”

“Someone have an accident?”

“Temper, temper.”

It was my first day of work.

Now, a mere five years later, here I am designing the Bon Voyage card to my herculean boss so we can all sign it and wish her the best of luck. She’s taking an early retirement. Moving to New Hampshire to make cheese or plant carrots or whatever it is that crazy people do when they decide they no longer want to torture their underlings.

So I’m sitting here looking at this fricken card. And I really, really, really want to write, “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.” Cause it’d be a special reference to that incident on my first day.

Thanks to the True Random Number Generator, she's now the proud owner of a Diamond Edition Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Blu-ray Combo Pack DVD. I hope that whenever she sees the wicked witch she thinks of me. Er, I mean, of my suffering.