Christina Aguilera, a woman who cannot stop releasing songs that are a metaphor for her vagina, celebrated her new found freedom by allegedly engaging in a menage a trois with Sam Ronson, America's favorite gateway lesbian.

The threesome involving the star of the upcoming film gaystravaganza Burlesque and LiLo's ex allegedly occurred in Mexico last month, according to Sam Ronson's producer. At the link, more rampant speculation and some pictures of Xtina posing with a perfume bottle. I bet there's a really fragrant genie inside! [Contact Music]

The Black Eyed Peas have been slapped with a plagiarism lawsuit. Their defense allegedly consists of them repeating some vaguely sexual inanity approximately 2,000 times. Pity I can't sue them for sucking.[Contact Music]

Police have ruled that Eva Longoria Parker is not responsible for her Hollywood Boulevard fender bender. Phew! Life continues apace! [Daily Express]

Repeatedly heartbroken Taylor Swift is quickly solidifying her place in the tabloids as the 20-year-old Jennifer Aniston of country music, stating that despite her past, she's "optimistic about love," because, "Well, why wouldn't anyone be?" Have you ever noticed that interviews with Taylor Swift always sound like a deconstructed Taylor Swift song? Just make the next line be something like "But you weren't enough for me!" and you're 1/3 of the way to country gold![Showbiz Spy]

Does anyone know where we're at with the Susan BoyleGlee cameo is-she-or-isn't-she story? Because as of this morning, "she is." [Daily Express]

Jack Nicholson expressed his fascination with the Native American tradition of being picked apart by vultures after death and ponders other ways his body could be handled postmortem. Imma let you finish, Jack, but Vikings have the best funerals of all time. OF ALL TIME.[Showbiz Spy]

"Shiloh" has now been elevated to common-noun usage, thanks to Kendra Wilkinson, who is already plotting the personality of her next child. Granted, she's not even pregnant — but when she does conceive, the baby will no doubt be a girl. And that girl, says Kendra, will be "like a Shiloh." [People]

Courtney Love at a recent performance: "Please help! All of you…Help me. I don't want to be controversial anymore." We're unsure as to whether this plea was made before or after her boobs slipped out of her dress onstage and she forgot the words to her songs. [Daily Express]

Alice Cooper has expressed his admiration for Lady Gaga, noting that she has talent to back up her outrageous style. He also mentioned that he hoped to see Lady Gaga in concert in Milwaukee, the only city in America to elect three socialist mayors. Did you know that? The French fur traders pronounced it "mille-wah-kay," which is Algonquin for "the good land." [Digital Spy]

The scene: a restaurant in Qatar. The sound: jazz. Kate Moss takes the stage and gives a "beautiful rendition" of Gershwin's "Summertime." Just another day in the life. [The Sun]

Noted slutty golfer Tiger Woods has purchased a $50 million "bachelor pad" in Florida. Given the debauchery that occurred while he was still married and living in his plain old regular family pad, I can only hope to erase what I'm imagining he's doing there. [TMZ]

Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen have separated. If the actress who played Cassandra in Strictly Sexual can't make it work with a guy who just locked a terrified naked porn star in a hotel bathroom, then what hope do any of us have?! [TMZ]

You may have asked yourself, "How much does it cost to get fucked up like Charlie Sheen?" We can't speak to the price of an 8-ball, but on the booze end of things, he spent $12K on wine at the restaurant that night. [Gatecrasher]

You know who could knock some sense into Charlie Sheen? Robert Downey Jr., that's who. This is something we'd like to see on a Very Special Episode Of Intervention.

"PAULA ABDUL GLAD THAT IDOL IS FAILING." Granted, the story accompanying that headline says no such thing. [Showbiz Spy]

Here are some pictures of the Kardashian girls celebrating Halloween as kids. The makeup seemed so innocent then. [HuffPo]

George Clooney will direct Ryan Gosling in a big-screen adaptation of the Broadway production Farragut North, to be titled Ides Of March. Meanwhile, in Real America, people are really getting excited about upcoming reruns ofEverybody Loves Raymond. Now that was a show. [Express]

Is Britney Spears' about to drop a new single? I need to know, so that I can plan my 2011 solo pantsless dance parties accordingly.[ONTD]

Mariah Carey claims that a course of accupuncture recommended by Celine Dion helped her get pregnant. Here I've spent all this time thinking a different kind of poking led to pregnancy. [Contact Music]