Monday, February 28, 2011

The month seemed a lot longer with writing a blog a day. So much can happen in one day, one week, one month, one year. I mean, just last year, what was I thinking about around this time? What was I doing? What was I planning? What was I talking about? Who was I talking about? A week passes and I feel like a year's gone by. Or the opposite. I think of something, and it feels like it was just yesterday. I guess it depends on what the thought is.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I feel like it's going to hit me like a brick wall. I don't want that day to come.

***

I am so grateful to God for opening my eyes and giving me the ability to see.

-

All these new things coming up, and so fast. And to think, a couple years ago I would have said my once favorite word, "No!" It's not for me, I don't want to, I don't think I could do that.

How amazing that, what should be, will be. In the right timing.

***

Sometimes, people say, "Hi! It's so good to see you," in the most eager way, that you think you know them. But you look at the face and realize, nope, I don't. It's a very confusing state, at that moment.

I always wonder what someone who doesn't speak Russian thinks and sees when they visit the Russian speaking church. I try to put myself in their position, see it from their perspective. Bizarre probably.

***

I didn't realize it was so late. I thought this day would just go on and on...

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Today, someone used the word narcissism in a little message. And I thought it was way weird because that is my topic for today!! What a coincidence! (If that person happens to somehow read this, this post has nothing to do with the comment in the message! My disclaimer). It's just that it happens way too many times that someone 'speaks' my thoughts, or connects in a very strange way without knowing it...

On Wednesday 16th, someone read a little intro, and I asked for the little newsletter for myself.

"I've been slowly reading my way through a book, "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement." It's a sobering sociological survey showing how Americans are growing increasingly obsessed with themselves. The authors argue how this mindset can be seen in everything from the more self-centered uses of YouTube and Facebook (our quest to broadcast ourselves) to the real estate boom--and bust (our assumption we all deserve bigger and better--even when we can't afford it) to how we raise kids ("raising royalty," instead of emphasizing hard work and obedience). The authors show the distressing results (present and projected) of this kind of trend. It has been interesting to read this book and consider how much Christianity truly is an antidote to this fixation with self. Isn't a key component of the gospel message our deliverance from an addiction to ourselves? The Christ-follower is called to place the love God and the love of neighbor above self. Rather than obsessing about ourselves we are invited to lose ourselves in the self-emptying love of God. And contrary to the thinking of today, Jesus says when we lose our lives (our drive to inflate and promote ourselves) we actually find our lives as those loved and as those able to freely love and serve God and others. How counter cultural, how life-giving (and how relevant) these words are to our generation!..."

-Knebel David and Shelley

You might ask me, "Irina, then aren't you the biggest narcissist ever?!" Well. I guess yes. I mean, I post a picture of myself and a blog everyday! How self absorbed. I post a bunch of pictures of where I go, what I eat, what I get, on Photobucket. I post on Facebook. Do I post everything? Or even anything that really matters? Someone could look through those things and think, 'oh, I know what she's doing. I know what she's up to these days, I know Irina.' Maybe a little. But how wrong. I mean, do I ever post a picture of myself when I've cried? Or when somethings wrong and I'm hurt? Or when I'm sad?

But then my reasoning for doing such are a lot more different. And I think, I really don't have to defend myself. People will perceive things as they please, so my explanations are of no need. Two more days of this 'narcissistic behavior', and then it's back to, 'when I feel like it.' And the truth is, I've been hearing that word a lot. And I agree. A lot of times I see, we want to show how great things are. Where we've been. What cool things we've done. What cool people we are. I can't pretend I don't fall under that category at one time or another.

But the truth is, you don't have to post a billion pictures, and blog, and facebook to be a narcissist. You can do none of that and be the biggest selfish, self absorbed human being ever. When anything that happens or you do is for your own selfish reasons and to please yourself. To benefit only you. Isn't that true? I think it is. Our age with technology just excels that, multiplies and exaggerates.

And over this past month, what have I been thinking?

That if someone wants to know about my life, it has to be a face to face conversation. That if I want to really share something exciting or good or heartbreaking, I can share with someone who has time and actually cares. A real human being friend. Someone who wants to listen and also share their life. And that it doesn't have to be a one way announcement of my daily little doings, a public declaration of 'who I am'. Doesn't mean I'll stop taking a billion photos of everything around me (and myself). Doesn't mean I'll delete facebook or I won't blog once in awhile. In fact, I'm not even near close to that!

***

So today, I'm saddened. I have quite the reasons. Some are out of my hands. Just realizations that I can't do anything about.

My photos might consist of goofy smiles or plastered laughs and most of them are sincere. I bounce back to the more positive, happier outlook I have, very fast. It just doesn't mean I'm never sad.

***

"You are so nice..."

I might be. At least I work hard on it. But it doesn't mean, things don't anger me. I do have that emotion. It doesn't mean I'm gonna be a doormat or be used. Because in real life, I do get upset. I'm just very careful about how I let it settle in my heart or my mind.

Once too many times, you'd be upset too...

"You are (I am) not superwoman."

I like that.

***

Good work day. Good pizza from The Flying Goat.

And now for some good dessert and some good piano practice...And a good movie

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

at all!! I couldn't see a thing in front of me! Seriously. I almost came to a stop but then decided I could drive on any which lane and nobody would care. No street lights, no other cars. Going 20mph in a 55 zone. The snow blowing every which way! I've never driven in anything like it! Did pretty good though...got home and am obviously writing this. So, no accidents.

Anyway, don't tell anyone, but I couldn't resist and turned into my neighborhood on the e-brake on the fresh icy snow! All by myself. Fun! Don't worry, I checked and there were no other drivers, pedestrians, or cops sitting around waiting in our neighborhood.(And I didn't hit any light poles!) Hehe.

I've been told I look like...anyone you can think of. Too many times, "you look like..." and I wonder if I should take it as a compliment or?? I'm not gonna name anybody, less someone thinks I'm bragging. (Let me tell you, looking like Johnny Depp is not bragging) And any (well mostly any) nationality. South American? Asian? French? So if you need a 'double' for whatever reason, I'll just adjust my makeup, color my hair, and whoala! I can look like you! One day, I will make a collage of my look-a-likes.

Today I proudly say, I found out how to open up a new tab/window from the screen I'm on. Not that I was trying to find out. Apparently it's tapping with two fingers. I mean, I can set it to anything, but that's what it is now...Anyway, I use the basics, not the whole shortcut dealy thingys on this computer.

Ever since I lost my original car, house, garage keys, I've felt like I've been the worst scatter brain paranoid person about my one and only set of keys left. I mean, my 'original' keys were found, only for me to discover that those were my second set of keys, thus the originals still out there somewhere. I keep digging in my bottomless bag for them constantly. Lose them from the key ring somehow. Searching for them while someone else is 'trying' to open their car with my keys, and leave them hanging in the lock of the front door, while I'm already happily inside looking for something to eat. I mean, what is wrong with me. And soon enough, I will probably lock them in my car and have to call a lock picker. Or try it myself. Whichever. That's me and my keys these days. (I haven't made copies yet, obviously.)

How easy it is to be critical of others when you are not in their shoes.

***

Work out was hard. Teeth hurt. I'm tired of this braces thing. What are they doing?

Bible study was awesome, like always. And no I don't want a credit card. I know it's your job, but I will decline everytime I deposit my checks. And long nails don't work with the keyboard too well. Oh well.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Everybody should own wax. Weather hard wax, soft wax, dry wax. It works on all hair types. Just use the right one and the right amount. Miracle worker for sure. I think it's my favorite type of product.

I like the hairdresser phrase, "we are licensed to touch." Because what does my job consist of? Touching people, talking to people. I also like the thought, that my canvas is a head of hair. Your head, maybe your face, if it's makeup. My hair, my face. It doesn't matter.

I know that I'm stressed, (tired/ hungry) if my shears are mistaking my fingers for hair. Pinched myself and flinched. Wondered if my client noticed the flinch. Did not cut. Almost prideful to say but I don't cut myself. I mean, rarely. Watch me cut my finger tomorrow, now that I've said that!!

And where does stress in my body show up? Sadly in my hands. The most critical body part, for my job. Not that if something else was out of wack, I would be happier.

***

I thought up a storm today.

But I'm lazy enough not to want to put words together to project it right.

Lazy enough to put it off.

I just have to remember this is not my private journal, and is not for that reason. So do I want personal thoughts out in the world of the net? How personal shall I get?

***

I am happy to say, I have started something I will create a habit of. I've put it off long enough.

I've been reading about habits. How long it takes to create or change etc...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I read a part of a journal that started back in October 2009. I am horrible at keeping up with it. Basically there are entries every three months. But it's so cool to reread and see things how you thought before and then seeing the result!! It's like going back in time. Reading about a time, that now, has past. Weird almost. Some things, I was surprised to see myself. I always tell myself, I will catch up, I will keep up. But, life happens and that is the least of my priorities. I end up not writing at the most critical times. But I guess it's like taking pictures. When you're in the moment, you don't even think of taking a snapshot. It's only later that you think, I should have taken a photo to remember!

Anyway, I think it's cool to be able to read other people's journals. See their life as it is written. One of the greatest privileges. To be able to get into their 'thought process' as it was written for themselves! But then again, not many people would give you their journal! I've seen only two of my friends' in my lifetime, and only parts.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Once again, I feel like I talk to much, about myself. When it comes to asking questions I want, they end up not leaving the tip of my tongue!

I bought my own exercise matt, because using/borrowing someone else's does not sound appealing. Just think of how sweaty you get, working out. All that goes into the matt. Gross.

Got my first paycheck. For playing piano! And as I was told, I can call myself a paid musician! A musician. (Only I know I'm not even close to being called that.) Makes me laugh, that you can get paid to do something you love!!! I also find it very amusing at the contrast of the hourly wage compared to my normal job. I don't make that much per hour with tips included! But! Let me say this, before anyone thinks I'm getting rich off of it, it's not like I play eight hours each day and get that pay. So don't get me wrong. That would be something, if I got paid to practice. And I'll say this as well, I certainly don't play to get the paycheck. I'd still be there, even if I didn't. Period.

I am wiped out. For a couple reasons. One is physical. Yesterdays aerobics class. I'm sticking with it.

I'm following through with what I have my mind set on. Talk about that later. I say later. We'll see about that...

I will respond to texts on time. I will call people back. I will listen to voicemail the day I get it.

I will try to be a better friend. (Very hard one for me for some reason. I will have to write about that...) A better listener.

In fact, sister, I am sorry I had a hard time listening (I heard every word!) because, one, I needed time to process what was on my mind from earlier that day, and second, I felt very cozy and worn out. I could have taken a nap.

***

It gives me great pleasure to hear good news! Good news, new things, interesting thoughts.

I am sincerely happy for people.

Sometimes I wish I could freely express it the way I want. Who's stopping me?

Well, myself of course!

***

My body and spirit need replenishment. So sleep is what's on my mind. Prayer and sleep.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sometimes, I jot down things because I don't want to forget them. Shorthand works best. It might look like gibberish and nonsense to anyone who might happen to see, but the whole concept, the whole meaning, and everything I need to know, comes right back when I read it.

I'm glad that even though exact phrases might get lost, the meanings somehow stay in the heart.

There are also things I mentally mark. The things I don't want to be. The words I don't want to use. The things I hope I don't repeat.

I hope the things that are important to me can somehow manage to stay with me for a very long time.

Before I start a single new book, I will finish the ones I somehow left off, without reading to the end. That is, unless someone gives me a great one I won't be able to resist.

One to finish, that I'll start with -Living Loving, & Learning.

***

Thank you Jesus!

Another impactful message.

***

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I don't remember the last time I came home in so much pain. I haven't been this happy to be at home in a long time! Couldn't wait to strip my filthy clothes off, probably with about ten or even more people's hair imbedded in them!

All of a sudden this blog thing disgusts me and I can't wait for this month to be over. Good thing I chose the short one. Much more important things than blogging, happening in life. I mean, why did I think it would be fun of posting a picture of myself and a blog a day? Whatever.

It was a hard long day today. No lunch and late on every single client! I dropped every single shear I own. Not out of my hands, but whatever, from the shelf, I don't even know from where they fell. Talk about graceful.

I was happy to be able to cut one of my friends hair today. She gave me chocolate so at least I had a snack.

I've decided after coming home, nobody, who I don't have a personal relationship with, should have to know anything about my personal life. We'll see how I am about that. I can say anything one day, and the next things all turn around. I could lie to myself one day, and then do the complete opposite. But I find myself regretting telling certain things, and feel I blabber too much. Who cares anyways. And this blog, well, it's abstract, so there's nothing really personal about it. For all you know, I can be writing about you and you wouldn't really know.

I feel mean right now, after rereading the previous written things. Hmmm.

And just like I sometimes regret what I say, I sometimes regret what I erase and throw away, only to remind myself of why I did it in the first place. Plus decluttering is always pleasurable. Cleaning out a purse, cleaning out/sorting out boxes of personal notes, decluttering FB profile. Even that feels good. I don't like clutter.

Anyway, enough complaining and whining. The wind outside is calming me. I really like the sound of it.

Tomorrow's another day. This one's maxed out! I'll be more positive when I write tomorrow, too.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Being a girl is fun except when you burn, not one, but two ears in one day.

Dry shampoo works wonders. (Especially for hairdressers like me.)

For a late breakfast before work, I had crepes and steamed milk and coffee over marshmallows with cinnamon. (One of my favorites when I drink drip coffee at home.) What a perfect way to start the day! The crepes reminded me of two things. One, my grandmother, who used to make stacks, all buttered and sugared, and then bring them over. I would always hope that it was either crepes, or 'pirogi' with potatoes, that she would bring. And two, the crepe shop that I kept on passing in Long Beach, that I wanted to eat at, and left without doing so. I think crepes are a must! They are delicious. People ask me if there are, or why there aren't any Russian restaurants in Spokane. I think someone should open a 'Russian' crepe cafe here in Spokane. I'd be a regular for sure. (But only if it was legit and run properly serving fresh crepes.)

Today was a good day for a few reasons. Sometimes little things can make your day.

And I have to say, thank you to my last client of the day, who purchased everything set out in front of her, for her hair. I think she was even more surprised when she got to take three other free products with her, in all.

Upon coming home, one of my all time favorite movies was on. I think it's one of those movies that people should see, to make themselves cherish life! Autumn Spring. (with subtitles- I'm a big fan of international/independent.)

I feel free about this weekend because I have nothing to worry or stress about. Sometimes somethings nag in the back of your mind, until they're over or done. But this weekend is just a regular weekend and I feel light because of it!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I looked at the calendar and thought, 'ugh, eighteen more days of this.' Yet, I was the one who decided to do it, so no complaining. And after this, I'm over it for sure.

On to the next agenda...

***

I decided to add a little more.

First of all, I was disappointed today when in my running about town, I decided to get my free truffle for the month only to discover that the Godiva stand disappeared from under the escalator in the River Park Square Mall!! I also realized all of a sudden I wanted everything and wanted to buy buy buy. Everywhere I'd be or look, something looked appealing! The temptation. Of course, when I know that I shouldn't spend money 'cause I'm saving and will need it for a better cause soon. And it's easy to justify spending. For someone else, a gift, any reason. I'm glad I withstood the temptation.

I've been listening to the same songs over and over in my car. They make me happy. I'll probably know all the lyrics soon and then as soon as I'll be sick of 'em, I'll stop.

And also, as I go along in the day, doing different things, seeing, listening, texting someone, doing my daily things, I wonder, what is that person or that person do during their day? Certain people that make me wonder about them in my own thoughts. All of a sudden the curiosity arose and I wondered. How do they spend their days? What are they doing? What are they listening to or who are they talking to? Who do they see, where do they spend their time...? Do others wonder?

I've been in an elevated state of mood lately. Why?

Not because I have a special someone. Not because I own something. Not because I am someone big.

I am single. I don't own a thing that means or costs much. No house. No car. (mine is really not mine) And aside from the people in my circle of friends, acquaintances, and family members, I am no one famous.

Why I am elevated is because I am free to be myself, stand up for what I believe, do what I want. Voice my opinion. And everything I do, I do it because I want to and I love to. I am a free spirit. It just feels grand. And only one thing is constant and concrete. That is that God is with me. Everything else is like the wind that blows each way. One day one way, another, a different way. Nothing is certain, nothing is concrete. Unexpected things come up daily that change the course and the direction of where I go.

And I enjoy each day as it is.

Because I don't know when that will end. And a trial of some sort will come into my life. Or things will become hard. Or when I will have to do things because I have to, not because I want to. I know how it feels, and those times are hard.

***

My flight to Minnesota is booked. My friend and I sat up last night getting it all set up. And I have to say, after last year's, plan after plan falling through, I'm still going to get excited and plan things. Only I won't be set on them. If they happen great! If I make it everywhere I want, Great! If not, I will go around and do something else. But I will still be excited and get all giddy about it. And still have all my hopes and dreams. And I am excited...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Before work today, I thought about how only one single person will ever hear me say or talk about certain things. How only that one person will get to know everything. One person. Everything.

All kinds of people hear me voice things out. One person hears one part of my life, another, only some other part. Someone sees only the professional side. Somebody sees the foolish goofy nerd in me. Maybe one or two know me very closely, more than most, and see more sides than maybe they wanted to. (I'm thinking about a few things I shouldn't even start on, here.) Maybe some get in on a more deeper level but then dwindle away over time for some reason or another...But really, only one other soul, will hear certain words, get to know the deepest of the deep, and the most intimate. I thought about that, as I was getting ready this morning, and thought it was pretty cool for some reason.

Sometimes, I feel a little selfish and think how lucky I am that even those times when I want to talk about myself, I have a stranger in my chair and can literally make them sit and listen to me. (Laughing right now.) Because, imagine, if I decide to blabber about a certain subject I feel the need to talk about and choose you, the unlucky one in my chair, you'd have no choice but to listen. Well, I don't do that of course, (maybe a minuscule amount) but I am lucky that I can always say something somewhere. I have different friends, for different aspects of my life, my family members, all sorts of groups or places for the right areas of my life. I just feel that I have so much love, appreciation, support around me. So many kind people. Nice words. Praise. Compliments, time, attention, etc... What others crave, maybe, I have a lot. And it's not my own doing. And it is not to brag. It's just the realization of it! Maybe it doesn't come from the one I want, or expect, or maybe not the way I want it (there was an interesting couple who said a few things, and the fact that it wasn't the actual compliment, but them saying it, was the actual compliment itself-does that make sense?), but it's there, all around me. (For example, if I had no one but my clients, I'd still have quite the gratification of satisfied clients who want to praise you for something you do all day! And give you hugs too!) I know I am blessed. Sometimes, I just have to open my eyes and admit it, especially when I don't want to see. And it's a huge reminder to do that for others. To give back to those who need that from me! Or need it at all. And sometimes I forget.

On another note, I got to go to a birthday celebration of a person I hardly know! The minister's wife at the church I play for. Actually, I didn't even know she was the minister's wife until today. (I haven't gotten to know every single person yet.) I believe every person there is about 50 and up. Ok, maybe even older. But, it was very lovely. And I had a good time. I can actually laugh with them and have fun. Don't you just like that word, lovely. (Add a little accent to that.)

On the subject of health. I had chocolate cake for breakfast with a cup of coffee. After work, I had chocolate cake with hot water. (They told me to come hungry for the birthday.) And I did have a cookie after the meal. So healthy? I am. 'Cause I had only one piece each time, not half the cake.

Also, I have to add. When I say healthy, I mean it in a way where it's not about food, diet, and exercise. I mean overall, balanced healthy living. Mind, body, spirit, soul. And whatever else comes with it. Because I certainly don't want a super healthy body and a dead soul. Or a mind out of control. Or an unrested spirit. Whatever, I 'm making things up now. You get the point, I presume.

So I like to change subject and go off tangents. But it's my blog. I can do that.

I'm going to get something to drink, read a book, or learn some words, or watch something, or do some study questions. Or stalk on facebook. Which isn't really any fun. So I'll see what I end up doing it. I'm a night person, so my day has just begun. Well, for a few hours that is...

Monday, February 7, 2011

7.Right now I am using a itsy bitsy laptop that's probably as big as my two hands put together. It's teeny.

I feel so tech smart, just 'cause I bought a hard drive enclosure kit, only I am so not. I didn't even know that I shouldn't keep my laptop plugged in the outlet all the time. But after the conversations with the different people at the different tech stores, I feel a bit knowledgeable with computers. I also studied up a little about laptops on the Internet and learned that it's unsafe for men to use laptops (on their laps) for too long or else they can be infertile...Interesting things you can learn, eh? So after two stops at two other stores, I went into Abacus and as soon as I told the guy the problem he informs me that my model along with other series, were recalled two years ago because of faulty motherboards. I knew something was wrong when a few months into owning my notebook, the screen wouldn't project anything! (I found a way to work with it after freaking out and rebooting and just decided that I had to drop out the battery then turn it on and the screen would work, if I had closed it or the screen didn't wanna work.) Too bad I had no idea that they were recalled. Well, one of the guys said he'd look at it anyway just in case, but if it is the motherboard, there's no use to my hardly used, three year old laptop. Not even my fault! At least I'll get the hard drive. And I guess, getting a computer is now necessary. Oh so fun! (They also told me not to buy an hp, which was my laptop. I know I won't be.)I imagine how fun those guys can have with access to a stranger's hard drive with all the computer's info on it. I mean, doesn't it store everything? History, Internet browsing, favorites, frequented sites, photos, etc...Kind of freaky. I bet they can tell a lot about a person just by going through their computer. But then I think, who knows who's looking at your things these days. Hackers are pretty smart. And Internet has made access to anything quite possible. I suppose somebody could be reading all my email without me even knowing it, for all I know.Anyway, I could have just taken it, gotten my hard drive out at home and left it at that, but I left it for them, just in case they can fix it. Won't hurt to find out.

***So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41: 10

Such strong, personal, comforting words!I realize too many times, I push aside that which is most critical. Sometimes God is trying to tell me something and I set it aside, I postpone and postpone, and then when I finally get to it, I realize, it is exactly what I needed! (I am thinking of one right now, that I know I have neglected, because at this point, it's coming at me from way too many directions. Where it will come to a point where I will not be able to ignore it. )Happens way too many times and just makes me think of how horrible human nature can be. My own nature. It also makes me realize over and over, how kind and gentle and how so patient God is to me. Saddens me deeply, in thinking of myself. I just fear and hope that I will not become too negligent or too stubborn or too 'deaf' one day.***It gives me great pleasure to know that no matter what all things I have to do, where ever I have to go, tomorrow, I can sleep in!! It also gives me great pleasure in knowing I will have a brand new computer to play with and figure out. Technology is cool. Although, I think I might be like Will Smith's character in 'i Robot', and always like a few of those old fashioned things. No robots in my house for a very long time. Even though that's where it's all headed...Goodnight, sweet dreams, and enjoy life's indulgences while you can. (Like sleeping in. Simple, I know. I treasure it.)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I was sitting, waiting to play, watching an elderly lady with her stowed cane underneath the pew before her, trying to settle her purse in the right position in front of her, thinking about the times I sat and waited to play before the judges when I was younger. The anticipation, the accelerated heart beat, the leg tapping a mile a minute, the sweaty palms, and then the nerves in the legs causing it to twitch and shake like crazy! And my leg still does that now!! Those nerves. All for about three minutes of playing. And then it was over and I couldn't remember what I had played and didn't care because it was over! All that nervousness for such a small little thing. It makes me think of brides getting ready for the big day. And then it's over. Makes me wanna get married at the ocean with no decorations except for God's beautiful nature and no fuss and no florist or cake decorator. With maybe ten people around me. OK, I have to laugh because I shouldn't talk about weddings here. Plus I'm going of subject. Hehe.

I played and then drove over to my church. I just think, through the last few years, of all the churches I have been to or visited. All so, so different but filled with people who love and want to serve the Lord. After, my sister and I drove off to find a suitable place to eat and talk. I haven't seen her in a long time! Guess where we ate? Out in the valley in a place where only elderly eat at. I thought we might be in a retirement community. But we don't mind. Food is food, and once never hurts. Plus I don't know any places out in the valley. It was good to catch up. I always think we go too long before we meet up but we always have good conversations.

Upon coming home I pushed the start button on my computer only to find out that it doesn't start. Apparently it burned out. Or something. Funny, I was just talking about upgrading my laptop to a Mac book. Hmm? The first thing I thought was, "nooooo, I can't post a blog! It will ruin everything." Only to realize there's three other computers in the house that I could use. It's just different to not be able to use mine whenever I feel like for whatever reason. (The whole, one side saying 'I want it now, I want it fixed now,' and then the other mellow side saying, 'oh well, I'll just take it to the tech team.' And relax. It won't kill me -I like this version better.) I mean, I'm using and old desk top right now with a screen that I have to focus through the scratches and a keypad that I haven't used in forever. Well, the only things I want are all my pictures, (duh) so I'll fix it and look into maybe changing it. Little brother is waiting for an upgrade only so he can have my old one. Isn't he the lucky one. (Mac computers are pricey so...we'll see.)

I'm off to do my bible study questions. I have to admit, and I'm not proud of it, but I have not yet done a week the correct way, by doing the questions for the allotted day. I will.

Oh, and on the subject of my hair. I know people always have to comment on it when they find out I'm a hairdresser. But everybody seems to have to have an opinion about my hair at this time.*I love your hair. Orange is my favorite color! -Well thanks, I don't know what to say.*Client in chair next to me: I want strawberry blond hair like hers. -It's not strawberry blond. It's pretty orangey, people.*Person walking behind me: Look at her auburny color. I like it. -Hmm?*This is the worst thing you've done with your hair!*Even this is better than you're previous color.*You're blond! -No I'm not.*Do you like your hair this color? -I wonder if this is a nice, subtle way of telling me they don't like it.Anyway, I don't care what others think of my hair, but if I myself can't decide if I like it or hate it, then, that's a problem. I only think it's OK when I'm in full black and it's freshly washed and done. And then again, it depends where I'm at. But the fact is, it's not real looking and I can't stand that! Therefore, even though I tell people I should be forbidden to change my hair in any given time right now, I will make it real looking. As in more natural rather than fiery yellow orange bright non real color. Yep.

By the way, I have three day weekends but it never feels that way. And last night, it hit me. Maybe the excitement wore off, but my second job is actually a job. And right now, it's hard for me. Maybe harder than my real job. Eh!

Friday, February 4, 2011

February is the anniversary month for my job. I got hired in January of 2007 and started my short apprenticeship in February. So it has been four years since I have worked as a hairdresser! I am happy to say, I only applied to one place, got hired, and worked there since. And even though in the time that I have worked there, the whole staff has turned, (not exactly a bad thing), I have learned something from each person that has once worked there and is to this day. From listening, watching, and assisting, you can pick up a few things here and there, constantly. I have also taken a lot out of talking to the various people I see in my chair, and am so grateful that my job can be such a rewarding place! I have a lot of appreciation and admiration for many people, weather past coworkers, present ones, and the many clients. It's good to look back and see myself from day one 'till now, the progression and change in myself. (We track numbers at my work place (all kinds of numbers) and it's really cool to see the growth from year one to this day. How many clients I have seen in this last year, and how much service sales I brought in, compared to the income I've actually received.)

And the fact that I have been working downtown for the last four years also means I have spent way too much money on parking (numerous tickets included) and food. Imagine that almost each day that I have worked, I went out to buy a latte and something to go with it! I like to walk out of the building for lunch so that I don't feel cooped up for the whole day, especially those days that I used to work for 12 hours! It's nice to see people on the streets, get fresh air, and move some muscles. So in saying that, I am proud to say that I have packed a lunch today! Maybe I can do half and half this year. Still get those delicious lattes but eat my own packed food. 'Cause I still like to run out of the salon and stroll downtown. About parking? Can't say much. When the weather's warmer I can incorporate my bike, but the prices are what they are!

So here's to a good and happy day at work!

*Cheerio*

___ ___

Well, work was very productive. Why aren't more days like that? Hmm. Exercise makes me crave more food. And packing a lunch ended up me being starving by the end of work!

But oh, homemade real chicken noodle soup was delicious. And I managed to sit in on an episode of Monk. I'm sorry if others don't think he's funny, but he is ridiculous!There's awkward and then there's beyond awkward!! Love it.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

own copy of a Russian/English Dictionary. The big, red version like the one that we've had in my family, that's ripped and falling apart. I find it very easy to use certain words less and less and slowly over time they will be forgotten. And I intend to teach my kids Russian (when that time comes, that is) so I better not forget it. Back in the day, once in a while, I used to scan pages to see words I've never heard of or did not know.

I can't wait 'till I can watch a French animation called The Illusionist. I love the sound of French music. But then again, I love French perfume and French pastries and...it goes on and on.

I saw a client that I've done hair for, in her work setting. In her environment. I find it interesting that all the clients get to see me in my workplace, actually doing my job. So to see someone in theirs, doing their job, is interesting. A different perspective of them other than the one I normally only hear about.

I actually took the time and did my swiss ball exercises. Doing work outs at home are easy but I can't wait 'till I start Pilates. See what that's like.

I realized my month's Scientific American Mind has been sitting on my nightstand for a whole month and I have not yet read an article in it! Wow. Maybe that's why I never renew subscriptions to magazines.

I can hear the character from Julie and Julia saying 'bon appetit' as I look at this cover! Makes me laugh.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

In one of the restaurants we ate at, there was a latte for four bucks. The size of my pinky. Good thing I didn't get charged for it because I took two sips and left it on the table. I didn't even say a thing. They knew and I knew they had no clue how to make a latte that was on their menue. Thanks for not charging me!

I had a lot to say but now I am tired, can't concentrate and just want to hit the pillow.

Great work day. Started out in a giddy mood 'cause I won't let anything negative from the former day affect the new day! And it was great. I also felt like the three days of walking nonstop, over the weekend, payed off. Always a good feeling.

Tried out my coworker's short shears and am in love. They're just so tiny and comfy. I will get them when I can. Getting tools is like getting Christmas toys or presents! It's also payday. Calculated how much I make hourly and I guess for three days a week with commission override, it's not too bad.

I feel like a lousy loser piano player. Makes me feel distressed. I like that word. Distressed.

I received twelve pieces for the next two months. And what can I play? Only one with way too many mistakes. And today, in one of the songs, there were, like, six lines just for one phrase and my eyeballs had no clue where to go and what to focus on, ending up trying to catch up to the singers! She tells me, "she'll send you a check..." and I'm thinking, 'for what!?' Ah! On the freeway, I started going off the lane, and decided that's how people die. They close their eyes for a second and crash. And after the practice, I was so upset, I forgot to pick up what my younger brother wanted for food. Oh well, tomorrow's another day. Gotta get used to this.

I am surprised my fish is still alive. I don't think I will have pets in the future. Just for their own good!

I finally got my license in the mail. Security won't have to take so long to ask me for another piece of identification, at the airport. And it is me. I just don't look like myself.

Anyway, why am I doing this? Just to see if I can stick through and not skip a day. And you would think it's easy, but I forced myself to write today.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I'm sitting on my bed kind of wanting to nap. But I want to get this out of the way. The snapshot of me today is me looking worn out and tired. Because, do I want to do anything, just so I can take the picture of the day? No. After coming home at one, I seemed to still want to unpack, shower, and only then pass out on my bed. So today I didn't have to do my hair, my makeup, dress up, or go to work. Lucky. This weekend has been amazing. From 5:30 am Saturday morning until midnight last night, the three days spent with some of my coworkers, in Long Beach California, were well worth it! Seems like so much happened and such a long time ago already. All we practically did was eat, walk, and take pictures. Lots of pictures. (I have over 500. call me crazy if you want) All the crowds, and things constantly coming at me, and the noise, were all overwhelming by Sunday night, so I was glad that after we got our certification at a class, we spent the rest of the time on Monday at the ocean side, enjoying the good weather and winding down. I am thankful that after such a weekend, I can come home process it before getting back into the norm. It's like a little pause so that I can start refreshed tomorrow.

I loved everything. Flying for the first time since coming to America. It was so cool to see the earth from up high in the air. On the way from Seattle to La, the pilot went up to 41 thousand feet. And to think we're sitting on the runway and in seconds lift up from the ground. Amazes me. (First lift off, I did feel my hands get sweaty.) Seeing the clouds swoosh past. Seeing the horizon of the ocean on one side and a vast never ending city on the other, is just way cool. Getting some sun. Ah, I even managed to get a slight tan line from walking and sitting out by the ocean. It was a nice break from our cold Spokane weather. I came out of the airport last night and thought I'd instant freeze like an icicle! Feeling the sand on the beach of the ocean. I've never actually been on an ocean beach front. Walking on the pier. Spending three whole days with the girls from Jaazz in a non work environment. I think that was awesome and an interesting experience. Eating good food. Getting motivated and inspired at the show! What a great way to start this year. I have to say I love the people I work with, and appreciate the salon I work for. I listened to some of the speakers and love the fact that those great people put importance on those things that I do, myself. Makes me love my work even more.

So what am I thinking about? I want to get myself short shears. For detailing and close work. That I have to go practice piano but feel lazy. That I am excited to get back to work. That sharing what I am excited about doesn't even make sense to certain people and they wouldn't or don't understand. That eating out, sitting on the sand, and flying ends and responsibilities come back.

I am listening to the others watching episodes of Monk (thanks to me and Netflix, hehe) and the sound of shattering of a cup.

At one restaurant we heard the most huge clatter and shatter and I wonder, does that ruin that worker's day. Or when the driver slams on the breaks and we all lurch forward and then stare in surprise, does he feel embarrassed or worried? That famous people's hands shake too when they're on stage. That I have to end this and get back to what I need to do...I might refer to the trip down the road again, otherwise,

"Это не девочки. Это уже дамы." -10 yr old Marie Werner, after being told how old we are.

"Kakalake!" -Katharina Kilian

"...have some French craps." (crepes with an accent) -Björn Kilian

"I am a real German." -Björn Kilian in Köln, Germany

"We're all put to the test, but it never comes in the form or at the point we would prefer..." -Charles Morse played by Sir Anthony Hopkins in The Edge

"You can't take care of others if you can't take care of yourself. -Someone wise. I can't remember who.

"Don't insult my intelligence." -from an episode on Psych

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. -John 13:14

“...Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world...” -Martin Luther

"There's a raisin in my shoe!" -myself, at the hotel in Long Beach

"Я тебя не узнал(а)!"

"It is such a happiness when good people get together--and they always do." -Miss Bates in Emma

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. -Mark Twain

A single rose can be my garden...a single friend, my world. -Leo Buscaglia

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." -C.S. Lewis

True happiness. Consists not in the multitude of friends, But in the worth and choice. -Ben Jonson

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. -Leanardo da Vinci

Teased, twisted, puffed out then sprayed with a wicked concoction of chemical spider's webs: a woman's hair, according to Manuela, must be architectural or nothing at all. -from Elegance of the Hedgehog