Once upon a time there were two sisters. Mary built a cabin by the lake with her husband. They sold their house in town upon retirement. The other, Beth, also wanted a “cabin in the woods”. She and her husband planned to retire there as soon as their youngest child finished college.

Things did not turn out as planned. Mary developed lung cancer. She needed to be closer to medical care. Those winding lake roads were not plowed in the winter. She wrote that “The bugs never stop” at the lake. Her condition made it hard for her to keep up with such a house. Since the lake house was new, they had almost no equity yet, and they had to sell. They took a loss as they moved back to town.

Beth had a different set of problems. Her husband developed some odd behaviors after he retired. She found it uncomfortable keeping house with him underfoot. She confessed to her daughter that she was considering a divorce! Thankfully, they had not built a cabin in the woods or they would have had no relief from each other.

Her husband finally enrolled in a program and participated in local archeology projects. One day the Sherriff’s car drove into her driveway. He announced that her husband had died of a heart attack on one of these projects. Now, Beth was a widow with a child still in college! Thankfully, they had not started to build this cabin. How would she have managed to finish its construction and sale by herself? She didn’t want to live so far from town now that she was alone.

What can we learn from these sisters?

Have you tried out the arrangements before you committed to them? People think they will enjoy painting pictures all day or sitting by the water. That may work for a short time, not for all time. Even artists need to see others. People picture the “postcard” of sitting by the lake. Postcards don’t show the mosquitoes. They don’t show the maintenance load like plowing your road yourself, or buying a back-up generator in case the power goes out. In Mary’s case, she had to keep her breathing machine running at all times.

Did you assume your health will always be as it is now? We grow and change all of our lives, that does not stop with age. Is it better to consider a living situation with fewer steps, less lawn, or less exterior maintenance? It’s hard to face one’s own morbidity. I know this from experience. However, facing now and making realistic plans can save losses, financial and personal later.

Have you researched your own family’s health history? It turned out that Beth’s father-in-law had also died of a sudden heart attack at almost the same age as her husband. Mary’s mother had suffered from lung issues all her life. At the next family gathering, ask some questions. Do some research. You will have a few clues about things you would need to consider in order to protect your health. What’s a retirement without health?

Are you sure you want to do that all the time? We all have hobbies and interests. We pursue them in our younger years around our other responsibilities; work, family, community. Imagine you were served only your favorite foods three times a day. Would they remain your favorite foods? Research shows that new experiences keep people more alert. What haven’t you tried yet? What else could you do with the skills you learned?

Are you the same people you were years ago? Try going away for an extended stay just the two of you. Discover who that person is that sits across the table from you. Please don’t run to divorce! Perhaps you each need some space to pursue individual interests. Perhaps your marriage “equation” of responsibilities needs to be rebalanced. (Beth was much happier when her husband found his interest in archeology).

Retirement planning classes cover financial issues.You need to consider these social issues as well. P.S. one of these sisters was my Mother. Her experiences became my retirement planning “class”.