when i...

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he said stay with me...
she said I cant.
he held his hand out anyway.
she lowered her head and turned away.
there was nothing else that she could say.
he stepped towards her.
she stopped and turned...
told him to leave her be.
and so he let her walk away
wondering what went wrong
yet knowing letting her in
was probably his one mistake.

i really relate to this one. had a similar experience recently. thanks for sharing this.

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."- Hemingway

so im staring put the window at the tree across the street. its leaves a deep burgundy, a carpet of green around its feetim staring out the window at the passing of the carsthe grey sky above hiding all the stars....

Post edited by catefrances on May 2014

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

he watches her from afar wondering when it is shell leave. its got past the point of if and every day he wakes with her beside him is one more day closer to when she will leave. the times she is truly present and those when she seems to disappear within herself are fairly even these days and he knows the next time she leaves, it will be forever

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

shes been out there for hours.. just sitting on the end of the dock, her legs dangling over the edge, swaying slowly to a tune only she can hear. she does this every day. it has become something she needs to do. he never asks her what she thinks of all those hours. he knows shell tell him if she needs to. sometimes she does. sometimes she calls to him to come lay by her side when she falls back against the old wood her father built the dock with. the setting sun has just touched the tops of the trees and he knows it wont be long til she stands, stretches her arms high above her head, spin on the spot and walk barefoot back to him.

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

She floats around himnot totally disengagednor presenther head hums with a dissonancethat never fully goes away andsometimes screams wrenching her mind apartwhy is she here?why is he here?what does he want from her?what does she need from him?the cold chills her bonesfreezing her heart to almost nothingwhat does he need from her?what does she want from him?Solace, the occasional absencethat allows her soul to set rightshe hears his breathingand looks for her escape

Post edited by catefrances on October 2014

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

calmly and quietly she slips awaysneaks aboard the trainhell turn around butshe wont be thereand he'll wonderwhere it is she's gonehis thoughts will preoccupy himbut not for as long as she'll be awayand when she comes backhe'll be sleepingand she'll truly be his dream girl

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

she all but throws herself in front of him
the screaming deafening, but no one can hear
its all in her head.
she smiled when she left but she need not have bothered
he didn't even notice shed gone... maybe he had
how would she know? shes heard nothing from him
it amazes her how easily he holds his silence
she understands though.... shes got nothing to give him, nothing he wants anyway
she knows he gets distracted by the pretty things and that she pays the cost
sometimes it amuses her but mostly shes saddened
shell let it go one day but that day is not today

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

she paints a smile across the skyand keeps her words insideshe dances alonea dervish whirlingtrying to surviveshe wonders howhe turned his backforgotten evrythingshe fights torecognisethe love that didnt even exist

how does this keep happeningshe wonders to herselfshe fightsshe kicksshe screams withinand drinks herself to numb

she understands the trust she putsin those that dont deserve itbut in the mirror she stares back atthe person whose doubtswho just cant fathomthe lack of everything she cravesgoes absolutely totally without it

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

it came to be the hardest thing she ever had to do... leave her self behind so that she could move forward. the first day had her pausing at her door, willing her feet to take that step. words inside her head tried to convince her she needed to make the move, to feel the sunshine on her face, to feel the breeze wash over her body. to hear the noises of the outside world, the ones that would block out the voices from winthin. the second day had her sitting on the top step seeing and hearing only what passed her by(and the low hum of the freeway traffic half a mile away) when she heard the postmans bike, she sat still, trying to make herself smaller so she wouldnt be noticed. on the third day she made it to the front gate, clearing out the mail box, tossing most of it in the kitchen bin. by the fourth day she was back in her room....

Post edited by catefrances on January 2017

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

my mind is messedim standing on a chest of treasure that is pure fools goldim sober yeti feel drunkon stupidity, ignorance and funkno sense i feelnor truth to be seenyour thoughts make roses bloomthe pungent smell of fucked up wordsyou call alternative factsyou praise your lorddespite the tears he weepsas you use his name in vainand obsfucate his messageto suit the lies you layupon the alter strewn with bodiesyou dont carehow could you?theyre not your blood...... but they arecause all of us are connected but of course not 'my' sonso you stand therehead bowed, arms bound, screaming.... he's not my sonyet he drowns in your blood

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

I see it NOW cause my minds not so cloudedYou were so self contained that NOWI understand that I never knew you at allI laid myself open for you,NOT wanting to hear 'you never said'I thought perversely that I'd drive you away,Yet thought that my whole self was enoughHow wrong i was...I never knew your friends, I never knew who you spoke toI was always conscious enough to call my friends by name thinkingThey'd be less intimidating.... I was wrong....Now when I see... When I look, I see I wa projecting my desires onto you...My desire for you to be open with me...My desire for you to feel so at ease that you could tell me anythingMy desire for you to want me for who I was...But I realise NOW that you didn't know what you wanted, you didn't know how to get it, you didn't know...You simply didn't know....

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

he struggles with the reasons whyshe struggles with the word goodbyefeigning sleep to get some peaceonly to be shattered by careless wordsand a smile that hid strangled contemptshe wonders why he even beganbut even moreso why he continuedthe same could be said of herand for thatshe has no answer

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say

she sits and wondersthose she thought friendswhere are they now?what is it they think ofis it her?her doubts rise mountain likefrom the flat plain of her existenceis it her?what?is it what she expects,is it too much?not enough?how does she gauge her worth?how does anyone?she once thought she was worth so much timethat she now strangles on the excess left. she cant be worth so littlethat no one carescause she cares enoughfor the whole world to lift her so highshe sees the coming dawn.yet when she sits alone with thoughts of herselfshe sees nothinghears no oneand realises yes,those she thought cared at least something,cared nothing for herand its time she cant get back.

hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say