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That saying is the main reason I don't like the Xian Skull, especially since it came up four times during a big battle. That, and it never told me anything useful. Therefore, I collect it, take it to some dark corner in Fort Emergence, and leave it there to collect dust and cobwebs.

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Item 421 is the Xian Tome, this is my understanding of the random messages it prints out:

STRINGTABLE

LANGUAGE LANG_ENGLISH, SUBLANG_ENGLISH_US

{

5401, "MAGIC FOR DUMMIES - Many people these days are getting into all sorts of spell-casting. No longer is the powerful and lucrative field of magic restricted to only the talented and wise. Now you, yes, even you, can learn spells!"

5402, "This book will teach you how to cast a variety of cantrips, which will easily perform tasks such as cleaning a floor of dust, cooking a rump roast in moments, or even spaying a cat!"

5403, "SURFACE FLORA AND FAUNA, by Eva of the Tower of Magi - Many are the wonders of nature available on the surface of the world. Our long exile has made us forget the beauty that is our birthright, but little by little, we begin to remember."

5404, "Although the Empire did its best to cleanse the surface of anything wild or dangerous, and were, as far as we know, successful, many bizarre and fascinating creatures, such as 'birds' and 'clams' and 'bushes' still exist and thrive."

5405, "THE TEARING OF THE BODICE, By E. Sternberg, Esquire - Esmerelda ran through the bushes, barely ahead of her ravening pursuers, her chest heaving mightily to escape the pathetic remaining shreds of her leather armor."

5406, "The bizarre, tentacled squirreloid creature pursued close behind, panting and tingling. _Soon, wild maiden!_ he cried. _Soon, you will be MINE!_ |(It continues in this vein for a long, long time.)"

5407, "WEAPONRY OF THE REALM - Many are the tools of destruction that have been developed for use in melee. These can generally be divided into two groups: pole weapons, and, more commonly, edged weapons."

}

STRINGTABLE

LANGUAGE LANG_ENGLISH, SUBLANG_ENGLISH_US

{

5408, "Pole weapons, such as spears and halberds, do the most damage, but generally require two hands to use. Edged weapons, like swords, are more common and can be wielded one-handed, but do less damage."

5409, "THE FURY OF THE NEPHILIM - Hrrmrrr drew his sword and strode forth from the crude, disgusting mud hut in which the foul feline creature lived with his disgusting brethren. _Now I go forth!_ he cried."

5410, "_Now I go, and slay humans, and butcher their children, and interfere with their farm animals foully. For that is my purpose on this Earth. And the Empire shall never get all of us, no matter what they do!_"

5411, "SECRETS OF TRAINING - Many adventurers struggle long and hard to accumulate experience, only to squander it away, or not even to be able to put it to use at all! It takes gold for training, in addition to experience. Be sure to save!"

5412, "Defensive skill is very useful, at it enables you to avoid getting hit. If your foes seem to be acting sooner than you, Dexterity is a good investment. And all mages should study to improve their Intelligence whenever possible."

5413, "ROACHES AND YOU by Ezzrik of Gale - Even though the Empire has had much success freeing us from the larger pests roaming our fair world, the lowly cockroach has been an opponent able to stand up to our mighty leader's best efforts."

5414, "In this book I discuss the strategies and results of our leader's roach elimination plan: Project Mojo. In addition, I give tips to keep these nasty little creatures from setting up shop in your own hovel. First, you will need a torch and some oil..."

5415, "THE FAITH OF THE ANAMA, by Ahonar - Magic. It is the life blood of our society. We defend with it, build with it, work with it, rely on it, use it to develop and enrich every aspect of are lives. Or do we?"

5416, "Magic does some good, but also does much evil. The common nature of magic puts power into the hands of all: the cruel, the deranged, the Avernites. In this book, I explain our faith, which seeks inner peace through the control of this wild power..."

5417, "THE LANDS OF THE EMPIRE - The Empire, blessed power over us all, controls the four known continents. Aizo, the oldest, is the birthplace of the Empire, although the ruling seat is now on the continent of Pralgad."

5418, "Vantanas is the smallest continent, but in many ways the richest, with its hot climate, fascinating fauna, and rich stores of gold and diamonds. And finally, there is the recently settled Valorim, which has a wild (though controlled) spirit."

5419, "The Life of Empress Prazac, by Flotno Boerheis - Our blessed Empress and ruler, Prazac the Kind and Just, was born in Y.E. 5420. Her royal parents, Hawthorne and [censored], waited nearby, anxious and loving."

5420, "It is said that angels appeared and the sky opened up in holy light on the eve of her birth. Eyewitness accounts prove this story true in legally enforceable ways. This was a great harbinger of the wondrous works she was later to achieve..."

5421, "NIGHT OF THE BLOOD FANG, by Q. King, Esq. - Chad Hardslab, who had recently and through many years of brave fighting and hardship, been declared a Dervish of the mighty Empire army, looked out over the veldt."

5422, "_Tonight,_ he boomed, _tonight, in a bloody, detailed way, those foul Nephilim scum will pay for killing my mother, father, brother, grandmother, other brother, first love, sister, second love, and teacher! He drew his swords, and strode forth._"

5423, "CREATURES OF LEGEND - The merciful and powerful Empire has ridded the Earth of many sorts of evil, verminous creatures. The foul Dragons, the Troglodytes, and soon the Nephilim are all examples of dark forces the Empire has completely wiped out."

}

STRINGTABLE

LANGUAGE LANG_ENGLISH, SUBLANG_ENGLISH_US

{

5424, "This book exists to describe these creatures and their sinister deeds, so that we may never forget the Empire's benevolence. We start with the Troglodytes, sinister humanoids who once actually roamed our lands..."

5425, "This is a research journal, containing esoteric notes regarding a variety of magical topics. It doesn't contain any spells or other information useful to you, but books like this can be valuable to alchemists or wizards."

5427, "This book contains instructions and notes for the operation of the teleporter in the Portal Fortress. The notes are complex enough to thoroughly boggle your mind. You gain nothing from reading them."

5430, "For example, there is a powerful priestly ritual which can, depending on the strength of the caster destroy all sorts of crumbling stone. Sadly, priests are frequently unwilling to lend their powers to construction projects."

5431, "FIFTEEN WAYS TO KILL EASILY AND SILENTLY - Everyone has thought, at some time in their lives, _That person over there needs killing!_ Well, don't just back away! This book can show you how to make those dreams come horribly true."

5432, "(The book lives up to its title, although most of the murderous techniques inside are already familiar to battle-hardened adventurers like yourselves.)"

5433, "General Accounting Book- This book contains the credits and debits of a small business. Quite boring stuff really."

5435, "17"

5437, "SECRETS OF WAINSCOTTING - At first, Wainscotting seems to be a simple, lazy town, out in the middle of nowhere, uninteresting in every way."

5438, "And yet, if people knew what was buried out behind the inn, well, people would think differently. Wouldn't they?"

5439, "All of the pages in this book are blank."

}

STRINGTABLE

LANGUAGE LANG_ENGLISH, SUBLANG_ENGLISH_US

{

5441, "This book provides a daily record of the administrative details of this town. Needless to say, the details are exceedingly boring."

5443, "This book contains instructions and notes for the operation of the teleporter in the cult headquarters. The notes would be complex enough to thoroughly boggle your mind, even if they weren't written by people who were completely insane."

5445, "This is a book of training in the martial arts. It describes a variety of fascinating and elaborate moves, all of which could be performed by a very skilled and strong person with years of careful training."

5446, "Actually, upon further inspection, you start to suspect that the moves depicted are not, in fact, possible. The poses are certainly not attainable by you."

5447, "KNOTS FOR THE INEPT SAILOR - This book contains dozens of illustrations of knots and how to tie knots. Not exactly useful for non-sailors."

5449, "CRYSTAL WORKING - This heavy and complex tome describes cleavage, terrain features, schist, and other geological details. You look at it for as long as you can stand."

5450, "You notice that the book contains some vahnatai techniques. The Empire picked up a few things during the war with Avernum."

5451, "DAWN OF THE SLITHZERIKAI - Little is known of these demon creatures of the underworld. They were first discovered by the criminal vermin sent down to Avernum, where they were beaten into submission. For now."

5452, "What is know is that they are vicious and cannibalistic, barely capable of language or reason. All in the Empire should do anything they can to watch for these demon beasts and make sure none of them ever set foot on our beautiful surface."

This should not occur in practice:

5453, "This is one of Zkal's journals. It is filled with notes, ponderings, and rantings from his many centuries of undead existence."

5454, "Alas, they are all written in the language he knew when alive. And the last person (apart from Zkal) who spoke that tongue died about a thousand years ago. On the bright side, the pages of the book would be useful for starting fires."