Blunkett attacked by cow

These days, everyone and his dog has an opinion on MP’s expenses, including those who only ever took The Telegraph for the cricket and crossword. But now, even the livestock appear to have taken a position.

Former Home Secretary David Blunkett has been attacked by a cow, BBC News reports.

The Honourable Member for Sheffield Brightside was enjoying a stroll through the Derbyshire countryside in celebration of his 62nd birthday when the ruminant took a dislike to his guide dog, Sadie. Valiantly protecting his canine companion, Blunkett fell and was trampled.

The former Home Secretary spoke to the media through gritted teeth, alive to his role as a living metaphor for the party. “I have a broken rib and am bruised all over but am still walking,” he told BBC Five Live.

When quizzed for best practice, Alison Pratt, rent-a-quote spokesperson for the National Farmers’ Union, cast the following pearls of wisdom before the attendant swine:

“The best thing to do is to let the dog off the lead so it can run away because obviously a dog can run faster than you,” she said.

“The next thing to do is to get quite quickly to the edge of the field, collect the dog and leave,” glossing somewhat conveniently over the fact that Sadie is Blunkett’s guide dog.

Blunkett added somewhat ruefully: “I know the public are furious with politicians, but I didn’t realise the anger has spread to Britain’s cow population.”