Going Deep into the Shallow

The crew is back in the A! Thank ya, Jesus, because I couldn’t take any more of a certain housewife’s embarrassing ring grab. This episode was refreshingly light on the Krazy.

As always, though, I have questions the show did not answer.

Let’s get to it.

1. Have you ever witnessed a grosser make-out than Phaedra and Apollo’s?

I mean, I guess if the blogs start saying your marriage is in trouble, the best way to combat it is just straight GNAWING on each other’s faces? Apollo looked hongray for Phaedra’s tongue, didn’t he?! Dial it down, y’all! Eww.

YUMMY!

2. When did Cynthia decide to give up on the whole “classy” thing?

It seems comical now (well, more comical) that Cynthia’s intro is “Beauty fades. But class is forever.” She seems to have decided she’s some kind of bad bitch, always stirring things up and making nasty little asides. In Atlanta, everybody knows (® Phaedra) that the Clermont Lounge is an institution. You don’t go in there making stink faces at the strippers of a certain age. She and Peter were both disrespectful asshats and really should have been thrown out. Cynthia, we know you’re grasping at relevance, but try to be a little more subtle, ‘k?

Classy, Cynthia. Very classy.

Phaedra – as always – saved the scene with her smiling gaze at the dancers and her voiceover that seeing older women loving their nude bodies was “just scrumptious!”

3. Did you understand a single word of Apollo’s “I lost myself” speech?

I know it involved “sectors of time” and losing individuality and wishing you could be your “juvial” (did he mean “jovial”?) old self again. Beyond that, I’m lost. I would have given anything for Phaedra’s running commentary on that mess. But I think her face says it all.

4. Is Bravo no longer operating under the usual network standards and practices?

First, Cynthia gets away with spelling out “F-U-C-K” and now naked ass cheeks are shown frighteningly close up? The hell?

5. Have you seen THIS?

I wonder if they went with Kenya’s production company? And how they decided “Phine Body” was a better title than “Donkey Booty”? I guess we’ll never know.

That club is totally for real. Like PBR, it’s kind of been taken over by hipsters. But there is still a core element that hangs out there to drink and watch the strippers. Not a single one of the dancers is what comes to mind when you think of “dancers.”