Indian Satellite to Be Corrupted by Curiosity as Soon as It Reaches Mars

Planning on taking a trip anywhere exciting this fall? Oh, the Washington, D.C., area? That’s nice. Uh huh, Bethesda. Cool. Speaking of things that have nothing to do with the very walkable and livable D.C. suburbs, the country of India is going to Mars in October. Mars! Mars: it’s not just a celestial body that children learn about at any one of Bethesda’s many excellent public schools.

An Indian satellite will orbit Mars (a mission that will cost $82 million) in order to "collect data"—which America’s own Curiosity Rover will surely note is a euphemism for “tweet, take self-portraits, whine, moan, slack off, and exercise a sense of entitlement that is literally singular on the Red Planet.” Unlike Curiosity, the as-yet-unnamed Indian craft will not actually land on Mars’s surface. Name suggestion: Dwindling Curiosity.

If successful, Dwindling Curiosity will be the first Indian vessel to orbit Mars. According to The Wall Street Journal: “Other countries that have launched missions to Mars include the U.S., Russia, Japan, and China.” And the reason North Korea is not included on this list is because. . . North Korea did not go to outer space—North Korea made outer space go to it.