Which is why it probably will not happen. But this report claims she's on the top of show creator Simon Fuller's list of Simon Cowell replacements. [The Sun]

David Hasselhoff has been hospitalized after drinking for three days straight. His 17-year-old daughter, Hayley, was the one who took him to the hospital. Poor kid. [Radar Online]

Kate Winslet was playing basketball with her kids Sunday night when she hit her head and was badly bruised. Her rep says she is fine. [Page Six]

So the new rumor is that Lady Gaga has been tested for Lupus, but doesn't want anyone to worry. She says: "I have heart palpitations and things. But it's okay. It's just from fatigue." And: "People say I should take a break. But I'm like, 'Why should I take a break? What do you want me to do? Go on vacation?" [People]

Friends of Heidi Montag think she might be suicidal. An "insider"says: "Heidi hates herself, which is why she's got into this mess… She's doped up to her eyes on painkillers and has terrible mood swings. Heidi's completely addicted." [Perez]

Bret Michaels is planning on going on the road?!?! Also: "With all of my heart, soul and the remaining organs I have left… I would like to thank each and every one of you for all of your support and awesomeness." [AP]

Because you were dying to know: To court, Lindsay Lohan wore a white Costume National blouse, a tailored black Prada suit, black Brian Atwood shoes and sunglasses from Dior. [Radar Online]

Michael Lohan thinks Lindsay Lohan has a problem with prescription pills, but he doesn't think it's a good idea for her to detox on her own. He wants LL to be "under a doctor's care." [TMZ]

Lindsay Lohan told the court that she didn't want to wear a SCRAM anklet because she will be shooting a movie in Texas. This appears to be a lie; scenes for Machete are being shot in Texas but they do not include LL; and the Linda Lovelace flick is not being shot in Texas and not being shot until August. [TMZ]

Lindsay Lohan told the judge that she missed an alcohol education class because her uncle died. Then the judge asked LL if she attended the funeral; Lindsay said "no." [NY Post]

A year after giving birth to Sarah Jessica Parker's twins, surrogate Michelle Ross is living in the same "dilapidated" house and driving the same car and "stuck" in the "armpit of the world," aka Martins Ferry, Ohio. [NY Post]

Christina Aguilera has canceled her summer tour. Did ticket sales suck? Or did Xtina need more time to rehearse? [Perez]

Scandalous! The Jonas Brothers have secrets, according to this random lady who claims to be a personal assistant and called in to a Cincinnati radio station. She swears one JoBro has a drug problem, and Joe Jonas might be a father to twins. Do purity rings mean nothing?!?!?! [ONTD]

Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato have broken up, but Joe says: "It was my choice to break up but I love her as a friend." Could it be that he's got twins on the way by some other woman? [People]

Tila Tequila will be on Celebrity Rehab because she has a pill problem. She wrote on her blog: "I finally admitted to myself that I cannot rely on taking prescription pills everyday for the rest of my life!" She also says: "I must not be another Lindsay Lohan." [TMZ]

Kendra's sex tape is being released tomorrow — a week early — due to popular demand. Vivid Entertainment says the pre-orders are the highest in the history of the company — even more orders than for Kim Kardashian Superstar. [Radar Online]

This report claims that Megan Fox walked away from Transformers 3 because Michael Bay was verbally abusive to her. The studio says she wasn't asked to be in the third flick because the screenplay has a new direction. But! Here, Jeff Sneider writes: "Michael Bay has a history of demeaning his leading ladies, including Pearl Harbor star Kate Beckinsale." And a source alleges: Bay "wants his actresses to look a certain way, and if they can't meet his absurd standards of beauty, he gets rid of them." [The Wrap]

This report claims that Michael Bay didn't rehire Megan Fox for Transformers 3 because she is too thin. [Gatecrasher]

Cristiano Ronaldo is pissed that Vanity Fair put him on the cover — wearing only underwear — with his biggest rival, fellow soccer player Didier Drogba. [Page Six]

Officials in New Jersey — who were initially pissed off at the bad behavior on Jersey Shore and thought that the show would ruin their towns — now believe that the seaside resorts are on track for a record-busting summer. [NY Post]

Historian and writer Paul Johnson claims: "I met [Richard] Burton once, and he was sober. He said: 'Elizabeth [Taylor]'s tits have the great and rare merit of being firm and soft at the same time. I can't say more than that, can I?" [Daily Mail]

"Pioneering music producer and convicted killer Phil Spector has produced his first major recording project in 30 years — a debut album for his wife Rachelle." [Reuters]

"Matt Lucas has accepted substantial undisclosed damages for invasion of privacy over intrusive articles published after his ex-partner's death." [The Star]

Blind item: "This celebrity sister duo share more than just the limelight. They seem to share everything. Including men. As of this weekend the sisters can now boast that they've slept with at least one of the same men. One of the sisters made her rounds with an old flame of the other sister this weekend at a club. Not the Hilton sisters." [ONTD via BuzzFoto]

Blind item! "I was having a pleasant dinner when the person next to me said, guess who is gay. Well, it would be easier to guess who isn't gay, but I said I didn't know. They then said the name of this married, foreign born, former A list female singer and sometime actress who will always have A list name recognition. I had never even heard a peep she was. A gay right supporter for sure, but gay?" [ONTD via Crazy Days And Nights]

Blind Item & Reveal: "This super skinny A/B lister has always blamed her skinny weight on her incredible metabolism and good genes. Well, we know that every time she goes out to a restaurant, she purges her food in the bathroom. That's not the gossip here. The real story is why she does it. Her eating disorder apparently started as a diet competition between her and another celeb starlet. The two were competing for a very big role a few years ago (a role which our actress did not get) and the two openly made a goal to 'underweight' one another. The celeb who got the part, lost the weight in a healthy way and moved on, but our star's ED stuck. So sad! Not Megan Fox." The answer? Kate Bosworth. Allegedly. [ONTD via BuzzFoto]

Q: Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez have been solo for a while. Have you talked to them about your new project? Joey Fatone: "Yeah. We're all very supportive of each other. We're honest, if it sucks, we let each other know ... I talked to Justin at the Kentucky Derby and told him what I was doing. He was like, 'Good luck. This is awesome.' We critiqued each other in *NSYNC and still critique each other now with our solo work. It's good." [ONTD via PopEater]

"I do. I'm like a drug to myself. (laughs) I did movies in Sweden before I came over here, and I would never watch dailies because I didn't want to see myself in the character. But that obviously had to change (on a series) because I couldn't wait seven years until the show's over to go back and watch it. I still don't watch the monitors; but when the season airs, I do watch it." — Alexander Skarsgard, when asked if he watches True Blood. [Just Jared]

"I did keep the outfit, you have to keep the pink tutu... because visually it just looks so absurd, size 14 pink ballet slippers — I do have those." — Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson saved his Tooth Fairy costume. [Mirror]

"I remember looking at my dad and wanting to understand him. I didn't want to just write the guy off. He was lost. I can't speak specifically in terms of why and how he got to where he was - that was his journey. All I can tell you is, he was overwhelmed by life... My mother basically did all the work, and then they got separated and I didn't see him for a long time. He didn't try to help the family financially or spiritually, and I lived with the effects of the chaos." — Tom Cruise. [Esquire]

"It's come full circle. Now I'll put Suri on a swing and tell her stories when I'm working on a script. I'll start with the beginning of the movie and take her through the story beat by beat. Of course, I make it age-appropriate. She's four years old. But she asks all the right questions: Why does that happen? Those are the bad guys? You're the good guy, right?" — Tom Cruise. [Esquire]

"I think with love your gut tells you what to do — you don't really control it. I'm kind of a control freak so that makes me nervous." — Kristen Bell, who's engaged to Dax Shepard. [ONTD]

"I'm totally not against plastic surgery. I've tried Botox before. That's the only thing that I've done. What's funny about my nose, it's my biggest insecurity. I always want to get my nose done… I went to the doctor, I had them take the pictures, he showed me what it would look like and it just didn't — I wouldn't look the same." — Kim Kardashian. [Radar Online]