Friday, July 29, 2016

'Palestinians' to sue God over covenant with Abraham

Last week, I reported on the 'Palestinian Authority's plans to sue the United Kingdom for issuing the Balfour Declaration in 1917.

And as many of you know, the Bible says that God promised the land of Israel to the Jewish people.

So what's a 'Palestinian' to do? It's easy. They're going to sue God over His Making that covenant with Abraham.

“The God of Abraham had no right to promise this land to the Jews. Being
all-knowing, He had to have foreseen that some 4,000 years later, we
would suddenly decide that we have a national identity tied to this
land”, said a spokesperson for the Palestinian Authority. The
Palestinians claim that God should have known that they would seek to
retroactively deny the rich and well-documented history of Jews in the
land of Israel and therefore should not have promised it to Abraham and
his descendants. “Although we were living in Arabia for thousands of
years after the covenant, God really should have taken us into
consideration when making such promises” said the P.A. spokesperson. We
reached out to God for comment via a note in the Wailing Wall. The
Almighty issued a statement through his spokesperson, the angel Gabriel,
“Are you serious with this sh*t??? I have much more important things
to worry about. There’s a war in Syria killing hundreds of thousands of
people in my name, the ice caps are melting, and I’m trying to figure
out how to stop the bees from dying off so you guys don’t starve to
death. I don’t have time for this nonsense.”

The Palestinians assert that time is a construct invented by God, and he
is simply avoiding having to address the issue. An archangel, speaking
on condition of anonymity, said that God is indeed worried about the
lawsuit since there are no good lawyers in heaven. “All of the most
cutthroat and lawyers are either in the U.S. Government or in Hell, so
God is really at a loss here. He won’t say it publicly, but he’s
scared.”

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About Me

I am an Orthodox Jew - some would even call me 'ultra-Orthodox.' Born in Boston, I was a corporate and securities attorney in New York City for seven years before making aliya to Israel in 1991 (I don't look it but I really am that old :-). I have been happily married to the same woman for thirty-five years, and we have eight children (bli ayin hara) ranging in age from 13 to 33 years and nine grandchildren. Four of our children are married! Before I started blogging I was a heavy contributor on a number of email lists and ran an email list called the Matzav from 2000-2004. You can contact me at: IsraelMatzav at gmail dot com