Here are some of the crazed rumors we've heard about the Vanity Fair story that John Connolly is writing about alleged financier-perv* billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, of whom it is alleged that he retained a procurer of underage girls. Oh my God, we heard that Bill Clinton came into 4 Times Square and told Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter that this expose of Epstein must not run and of course Graydon folded like a paper doll. And also we heard alleged former Epstein alleged friend Ron Burkle is Danny A's backer on every club he opens and Burkle does that to harvest pretty young things then flies them to L.A. and allegedly sells them to Epstein and alleged movie-producer Steve "Bing Laden" Bing and it is this cabal of partying hedonists that has prevented the piece from running! And also we heard that Prince Andrew (the one who divorced Fergie!) and the royal family interceded, promising to shut down Graydon Carter's restaurant The Waverly Inn if this piece runs and that is all why it has not seen the light of day yet!

We've heard all this and more for a while now—and we haven't believed any of it or thought any of it was true. Sure, we wouldn't put anything past any of these tin-eared mini-masters of the universe and their surround-sound systems of yes-men publicists and self-important lawyers either, particularly the ones with a taste for the flavor of teen girl. But do you really think John Connolly's going to be worried about either his editor or his subject? Once you've been threatened by infamous P.I. Anthony Pellicano, well, it's just hard to get a thrill from being leaned on by anyone else.

• Vanity Fair contributing editor John Connolly has been informed by the U.S. Attorney's…
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Back in the real world and away from the rumor mill, the piece has not yet run, at least in part, simply because Epstein's court date in Palm Beach on the Florida charges for felony prostitution was scheduled for mid-November. When Epstein went for a plea deal earlier this year and it became public in July, well, hi, it's September. It's not like Vanity Fair moves that fast. And wouldn't you imagine there's more than a few Epstein loose ends that have still gone unreported? (Pun unintended, really!)