Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Insert Coin: Ghost'n Goblins

Ghosts'n Goblins was one of the hardest but addictive damn games in the arcade. Just like in Altered Beast you start the game off running around fighting the undead in your draws. There’s some really messed up theme here that I need to get to the bottom of.

“Why have you forsaken me, Lord?!”

“Sir Arthur, who must defeat zombies, ogres, demons, cyclopes, dragons, and other monsters in order to rescue Princess Prin Prin, who has been kidnapped by Satan, King of Demon World. Along the way the player can pick up new weapons, bonuses and extra suits of armor that can help in this task.”
Kidnapped by…Satan? Oh, hell no! Now I know that men are supposed to do anything for the love of a woman, but come on. This isn’t some crazy ass demon created by a designer. This is actual Satan you are fighting in your draws! That is until you go into beast mode with your javelins!

Fuck your lifestyle!

I couldn’t even begin to tell you how much money I wasted on this game. And the sad thing is that I bet you if I tried to play this now I would still get my ass beat by happy ass demons. Demons that are so lovable that they get their own videos games and even put into the new Marvel vs. Capcom game!

Coochie coochie BLAAAARRG!

The villains in this game are zombies that are super easy to beat. Some floaty dead knights that just…float. Seriously all they do is bob up and down and try to keep you from climbing trees. Yeah, tree climbing. In a suit of armor. I’d start to rethink this whole Princess Prin Prin saving nonsense at this point. The only way this could get worse is if some horrible one eyed armored beast decided to throw his head at you.