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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Real Talk Tuesday: Emily Dates Boulder edition

My friend Dan started something amazing: Real Talk Tuesday.
It's basically creating space to be real and share our hurts, pain and disappointments. Dan has also created a #dontdeletethat movement- waging war against the perfect selfie. Go check out his blog. You're welcome.
When I heard Dan's idea for Real Talk Tuesday, I was pumped. If you know me, you know I'm pretty honest with the junk I'm going through. God has called me into a life of vulnerability, and I'm embracing it; good, bad and ugly. So I appreciated Dan's idea to create a rhythm of being real and raw with people, because that's what I'm about.
I've got a lot of material for #realtalktuesday. This year has been chalked full of pain, hurt and disappointment. I've suffered a ton of loss, and I'm just now on the road to getting healthy. However, this week I knew I needed to be real about my singleness. If you've been reading any of my blogs, you've probably heard all about my challenge for this year: #EmilyDatesBoulder, where I've committed to fully embracing two online dating websites for one full year. And while most of my blogs are brimming with funny stories and witty comments, at the core of this challenge is a ton of hurt. I'm 29. I just celebrated my birthday on Christmas eve. I've been single for the last 8 years. I can't tell you the last time I was asked out on a date. No man has EVER pursued me. I've celebrated the last 8 New Years Eves, Valentines Days, Christmases, birthdays and every other holiday alone. And while, yes, I have amazing friends and incredible family, there is this void in my heart that longs for a man to fill.

I've been to more weddings that I can count, and while I'm always incredibly excited and happy for the couple, the question is always in the back of my mind"When will it be my turn?""Has God forgotten about me?""What's wrong with me?""What am I doing wrong?"

And before you try to answer one or more of those questions with some cliche "As soon as you stop looking, you'll find the man of your dreams" kind of answer, please stop. With all due respect, I don't want to hear it. Unless you're one of my very closest friends, you don't really know and understand my heart behind all of this hurt. You don't get to slap a band-aid on this 9 year old wound. I'm allowed to hurt and be angry and be confused. It's not fair! I have faced EVERY mountain God has placed in front of me, and rarely questioned his goodness. I have worked so FREAKING hard to live a healthy life. I have put tons of time into healing, and growing, and I'm still stuck here, with this one HUGE longing left unfulfilled. It just isn't fair. And I'm just being real, those are the questions I find myself thinking about all the time.
When do I get the fairy tale wedding?
When do I get the man of my dreams?
When is it my FREAKING turn?
I can't help but think that God really HAS forgotten me. Because it's been a long time. And there's been a lot of hurt and pain along the way.
And I know that all of you out there who want to tell me "Just make a list of all the things you want in a husband, and God will give you them!" or "Maybe you're just not looking hard enough" I know you mean well, but honestly, it doesn't help. Want to help? Just listen. And let me be sad or frustrated or angry. Cry with me. Laugh with me. Just let me feel whatever I want to feel. And support me. That's all you can do. Because your trite answers really suck. (Sorry, but they do.)
So there you have it, the real talk behind #EmilyDatesBoulder
I encourage you to join this movement. Get real. Be honest. Get raw. Maybe your outlet isn't blogging (mine seems to be), but whatever it may be, let it all out. It feels a lot better once you're done :)

Follow #dontdeletethat, #emilydatesboulder and #realtalktuesday on various forms of social media. Lots of good stuff. Don't be THAT guy, who misses out on all of the good stuff.