Do we have a humor thread going on GetBig already? One where you can post jokes or funny stuff.If not, let me start and add to it everytime. Eevrybody keep adding your best jokes!!If this exists somewhere already, just merge this thread with the original humor thread and accept my apologies.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man went to a plastic surgeon to get work done on his penis. The doctor, curious, asked what had happened to it. “Well,” the patient said, “I live in a trailer court. A gorgeous buxom creature lives in the trailer next to mine. I used to peek into her trailer and I saw that she had a habit. Each afternoon she’d take a frankfurter (a kind of sausage) from her refrigerator and put it in a hole on her trailer floor. Then she’d sit on it and have a ball.”

“She nearly drove me crazy. So I got a bright idea. One day I got under her trailer and when she slid the frankfurter into the hole, I slid it out and slipped my penis up through the hole.” “She sat down on it and everything was great until there was a knock at the door.”

“And then?” said the doctor.

“Aw hell,” the patient explained. “That’s when she tried to kick it under the stove."

A tom cat was running frantically about the base of the tree while a female cat was giving him the come on from one of the branches. “Why don’t you get up there and give her one,” asked a fellow cat walking by. “Listen, mate, have you ever tried climbing a tree with a hard on?.”

A blonde was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Yes," she answered, "Do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the woman. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded. "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "But we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World."

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in me favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"

The Doctor says: "The tea does bugger all, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick"

Historians have concluded that W.Heisenberg must have been contemplatinghis love life when he discovered the Uncertainty Principle:-When he had the time,he didn't have the energyand,-When the moment was right,he couldn't figure out the position...

A young man moves into a new neighbourhood, alone and without any friends. He’s only been there a couple of days when there’s knock on the door. “Hi,” says the visitor. “I’m Colin, I live just down the hall from you and I thought I’d come and introduce myself.” “Thanks,” says the young man. “I’m Mike.” “Well Mike, would you like to come to a party over at my place on Saturday night? There’ll be plenty of booze, great music and lots of sex.” “Wow, that sounds good, what do you reckon I should wear?” says Mike. “Oh, come as you are, there’ll only be the two of us.”

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a huge dick like that."

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?''When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.''Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

A little girl walks into the family room one Sunday morning where her father is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father, feeling a little perturbed that his 5-year-old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says: "Well, when we eat the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet. That is poo."

The little girl looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

A loud talking woman seeing her doctor decided to ask him a question which had been troubling her for some time. So she opened her mouth wide, clearly enunciating her words and loudly asked, "Doctor, is it true that the size of a man's hands indicates the size of his penis?"

The doctor replied, "No. But the size of a woman's mouth is a sure sign of the size of her vagina."

To which the woman meekly replied, barely audible, whispering and sucking in her lips to make her mouth appear as small as possible, "Oh, is that so."