4. Everything is "privileged information." You'd think I lived with a CIA agent--or maybe I do and I just don't know it. When I ask about details of his day I get a lot of "I'd tell you but I'd have to bill you." Fine, put it on my tab.

5. He wants everything in writing. And notarized. If I tell him he's free to go fishing for the weekend, suddenly there's a paper for me to sign. And initial here, here, here, here and here.

6. He answers many questions by thoughtfully considering "What Would Rehnquist Do?"

7. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?" has become "If the party of the first part, hereinafter Andrew, and the party of the second part, hereinafter Michelle . . . "

8. He tries to win all arguments by saying, "Well according to the case of . . . " And the worst part of it all? He could be making it up for all I know.

9. And if that doesn't work he threatens an appeal--as if there's a higher court than me.

10. We don't have family councils or family meetings. We have family depositions.

11. He won't do anything until he's read all the fine print. Those McDonald's monopoly pieces? He reads the backs for the rules and bylaws. Even the tiniest print.

12. ESPN? Forget it, he'd take C-SPAN any day. For goodness sake, we met over the Clarence Thomas hearings.

13. But where other wives have to deal with husbands reading girly magazines, all I have to live with is pin-ups of Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I'm okay with that.

As an "assistant" to lawyers in a big law firm, I'm sorry, I can't help but shudder. Nothing personal for your Andy but the lawyers I know (who, incidentally don't plead or anything; they are stock market, "make rich companies richer", M&A people) are... a bit full up on themselves.

Or course, that could be because:

a) the blokes that I work for are French where hierarchial rifts are rife; or

b) the company might be a bit overproud.

Dunno. Sometimes I really wonder how the hell I got hired when I'm so obviously not their standard form. THE DIRTY LOOKS I GET WHEN I LAUGH? Chilling.

However I do love pinning up drawings around the office in out of the way spots. That's fun.

I'm kinda scared of lawyers... Does that make me strange? In the few times I had any run-ins with them, they all had a way of making me feel inferior, but that's probably my own hang-up. Of course, I know there are some nice ones out there -- I do have one friend who is a lawyer, but she's a gal! -- so you must have scored one of the few...

What a fun post. :) I'm not married to a lawyer, but an army officer, so I can identify with #4, but on a slightly different level. There have been times where my husband hasn't been able to tell me what he's going at work, for very legitimate reasons!

Very witty stuff. I think Gabie would get along well with your husband. He's an attorney in training. I'm surprised he doesn't charge me billable hours for our many mom vs. 5-year-old stubborn child debates.

I've been married to a lawyer for only six years, but that "Res Ipsa Loquitur" thing struck a nerve. Give a man a little Latin and he thinks he rules the world. This is a great list - my hubby isn't this bad yet but I'm guessing in 15 years he'll be getting our McDonald's receipts notarized. Scary glimpse into the future...

those are all funny... but the reality of being married to an attorney is anything but funny. wound too tight, mood swings, unbelievably LONG hours, little to no vacation, blackberry use, blackberry use, blackberry use, "i'll be home by 7" REALLY means, "i'll leave the office at 7, inevitably run into traffic, stop at the liquor store on the way home", and he walks through the door at 8:15 pm, kids are already in bed, and i'm ready to pass out from exhaustion, but stay up long enough for him to change out of his suit, put his trial bag and briefcase away, heat up dinner, go to the bathroom, check his blackberry half a dozen times, then give him a kiss goodnight. please tell me i'm not alone!

You are not alone! I could have posted that last comment myself. Not to mention the multiple charity boards that take up a lot of what little time my husband has left. It is a very stressful profession. There is a reason they are ranked #1 for depression with a high rate of suicide and alcoholism.