Thursday, October 30, 2008

I want to start by saying thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed the last article.

That's really where my life is at right now -- the zone I'm in -- so it was awesome to see people relating to it.

So I'm still snowed in with the December deadlines for Blueprint book and new RSD Nation. This is definitely the hardest period of work I've experienced in my life, but in many ways, also one of the most rewarding.

Today I want to talk about another topic that's become significant for me over the past few years, which is the philosophy of "Positivity".

As a dude who was pretty friggin' aggressive and angry most of my life, this has been a new way of thinking that's helped me on a lot of profound levels -- with meeting women, relationships, my professional life, and generally just with the vibe I'm in on a day to day basis.

So hopefully there's at least something in here you can learn from. Let's do it.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF POSITIVITY

Positivity is hands down, one of the most attractive qualities a man can have.

That means your attitude, the things you focus on and talk about, your view of yourself, your view of others, and the emotions that you’re addicted to feeling on a day to day basis.

To have this go “click” in your head you need to understand how it works and how it can benefit you, and then develop a sort of personal philosophy for dealing with the world that keeps you in a positive emotional state.

This is important not only for attracting girls, but also because it’s a sort of hidden code that “cool” people intuitively understand and “uncool” people are usually clueless about.

HOW POSITIVITY MAKES WOMEN MORE ATTRACTED

Positivity makes women attracted to you. Why??

First off, human beings are unique in that we are consciously aware that life is uncertain and we’re going to die some day, and yet at the same time we have the ability to focus on the positive and maintain a healthy and optimistic worldview.

Generally speaking, a positive worldview is an indication to women that you’re resourceful enough to engage with the world full-on.

When a guy is too mentally flimsy to keep himself in a good mood, women are left unsure about whether he’s fit to cope with the day to day challenges of his life. But when you are engaged with the world in a state of positivity, your mind is attuned to all of the hidden opportunity that is constantly surrounding you, and you are infinitely more resourceful.

Next is that being a happy person is an indicator of good emotional and mental-health. It communicates to the girl that your emotions are wired properly, and that your time and energy aren’t being depleted by personal drama. Being positive also gives you an air of being vibrant and physically healthy, as opposed to being delicate and meek.

Lastly, and possibly the most important, is that the way you feel internally is always being projected outwardly and transferred to the people around you.

When you feel positive you infect people with positive energy, and when you feel negative you infect people with negative energy. Being an attractive adult man means managing your emotions so that people feel uplifted when you’re around.

Emotions are contagious.

Especially with women, whose minds are wired with the ability to mirror and empathize with whatever it is that you feel (which is why when you feel overwhelmingly happy girls will say “You’re so awesome!”)

This effect is also amplified when you’re the person who is more socially forceful, which is usually expected if you’re going to attract women. So the transfer of how you feel to the woman you’re talking to becomes even more intense.

THE FOUNDATION OF EMOTION BENEATH THE WORDS

A secret that most guys who do well with women grasp instinctively, and that almost everyone else fails to realize, is that women respond more to the emotional state you’re in than your actual words.

Even if you’re yelling at a girl and giving her a hard time, if you have a strong foundation of positive energy beneath the words she’ll usually like it because you seem fun.

She may even giggle and shriek because you’re overloading her with positive emotions – and you’re being funny by mixing up the verbal and non verbal channels (like saying “You’re crazy” while beaming with positive energy, or “I’m shy” while beaming with self esteem).

This is similar to the modern day prescription drug television commercials, where the narrator describes the various nasty potential side effects with a soothing voice and relaxing music, and people just focus on the positive tone.

On the other hand, you can be in an emotionally depressed state and try to cover it up with jokes and happy words, and the girl will laugh for a second but still sense that something about you is out of alignment.

BE AUTHENTIC FROM WHATEVER STATE YOU’RE IN

Now this knowledge might cause you to become paranoid if you’re in a bad mood. You might even feel yourself descending into an excuse based mindset of “I can’t talk to girls today because I’m not feeling at my best.”

This is mentally scattered, and a totally useless way of looking at it.

A man always has to be able to communicate authentically from whatever emotional state he happens to be experiencing.

You will feel negative at certain points of your life, but you also have to know that it can never stop you from being who you are. Otherwise you become afraid of bad emotions and wind up blowing them out of proportion (and you inadvertently create a self-fuelling loop of “feeling bad about feeling bad”).

An analogy would be how studies have shown that being positive and eliminating stress can improve your immune system. But if this knowledge makes you think “I’m being negative, this is destroying my health” then it becomes yet another way to make yourself even more stressed.

The same goes for meeting women. You can understand that being positive makes you more attractive, but if you play a game with yourself where you say “I’m not feeling good, so I know this is going to go bad” then you’re creating a self fulfilling prophecy that wasn’t necessarily the case.

It’s all about working with what you’ve got. If you’re feeling great, then know that this will help you and approach with confidence. If you’re feeling down, then approach regardless and assume she’ll be attracted based on some other quality in your character.

The point is that being positive is in your best interests, you will never be perfect with it, but you generally just do the best you can.

You use this knowledge when it serves you, and discard it when it’s not.

WHAT POSITIVITY IS AND IS NOT

Positivity is a decision to seek out and focus the value in all people and situations, while filtering out anything that’s of no use.

Being positive doesn’t mean that you can never be “negative.” There is a time and a place for everything.

But it does mean that you have to draw clear lines in your mind about when you’re willing to engage in negative energy, and not allow yourself to be sucked into it at any time outside of that.

Positivity is not about burying your head in the sand and being naïve.

Positivity is not about being the weird over-positive guy who has a blank stare into space.

Positivity is not about overdramatizing everything as if it’s “Sooooooo great!!” in a way that seems inauthentic and fake.

And positivity is definitely not about ignoring the essential truths of life, or running away from the entire nature of a situation and interpreting it objectively.

What positivity is about is recognizing the subjective nature of the human experience – how what you focus on becomes an unconscious habit and creates your sense of reality – and then becoming the type of guy who radiates an attractive positive energy out towards the world.

So let’s have a look at the benefits…

YOU STEP INTO THE SHOES OF GUYS WHO ATTRACT WOMEN

When you take on a positive mindset, you’re walking in the shoes of the guys who naturally attract girls.

The reason for this is obvious: if you’re enjoying a lifestyle where you have everything you want – women, sex, fun, friends, purpose, challenge, hobbies – what do you have to be upset about? Not much.

Being positive is basically a way of communicating that you’re smart and resourceful enough to get your life together. It gives the impression that you must be internally fulfilled.

Ironically it’s often the people who live very unsuccessful lives, and don’t respect themselves enough to care, who come across as being the most happy (the lack of personal standards allows them to be naturally “care free”). But regardless of how they achieve it, their attitude still gives the initial perspective to an outsider that “life is good with this guy”.

Now on the other hand, you can probably find counter examples of guys who are positive but still haven’t had a lot of success with girls (maybe they aren’t being assertive enough). And you can probably find examples of emotional train-wrecks who still have women chasing them regardless. The world is a big place and you can usually find examples of just about anything.

But generally speaking, if you’re living a happy life and you continually renew your emotional chemistry through a healthy sex life, the difficulties of life don’t need to affect you the same way they affect “normal” guys.

(And when you think about it, by being negative you are in some ways pinpointing yourself as a guy who could be frustrated for a variety of reasons, including loneliness and a lack of physical intimacy.)

The bottom line is that when you take on the mindset of the guys who get the success you want, you are taking a step closer to getting similar results for yourself.

"Positivity is potency" for exactly this reason – it is a self fulfilling prophecy.

YOU ASSUME THAT PEOPLE SEE THE BEST IN YOU

Even if it’s not always realistic, your emotions tend to react on the assumption that whatever you’re thinking about other people is probably pretty similar to whatever they’re thinking about you.

If you think badly of people – of course you’re going to feel defensive – it’s your reality that people are having all sorts of negative thoughts.

But when you get good at finding the best in people, suddenly your reality is that they probably see the best in you as well, and you speak with the full assumption that people will be totally cool.

This is different from being a groupie or a fan boy – where you think so highly of someone you place them on a pedestal above yourself. That isn’t really thinking positively, because it’s just some personal drama you’re dealing with that people don’t even appreciate.

The point is just that when you see the best in people, you free yourself up from the mental noise about whether or not they’re judging you, and it makes you more at ease to put your real personality on the line.

This changes you in a very profound way because you are sort of “side stepping” the psychological need to feel high status when you’re “putting yourself out there”. You’re just at ease with yourself, at ease with other people, and at ease with the fact that people have their pros and cons.

On the other hand, sometimes people will try to “side step” the need to feel status by just looking down on everyone, so they can feel good about themselves by comparison. This can actually work in the short term, but it’s a cheaper way of feeling confident that forces you to rely on all sorts of nonsense rationalizations to continually justify it.

More powerful is just to judge no one (you can discern their behaviour – but not judge their inherent worth), and to be social with an almost child-like freedom of expression.

PEOPLE LIVE UP TO THE IDENTITY YOU SET FOR THEM

When you expect the best in people, you give them a new identity to live up to.

A girlfriend who wants to cheat on you will be far less likely if you give her a total trust (assuming you have personal boundaries and you’re not tolerating blatant disrespect).

Being jealous you give her the excuse to say “Well he already thinks I’m going to cheat so I might as well just do it and have fun.” But giving her an identity as a girl who you regard as having integrity, she suddenly has a lot more to lose.

It’s the same thing with your opinions of people in general.

If someone is frustrating you, give them a better identity to live up to. Oftentimes their behaviour will totally change.

Other times it will accomplish nothing, and from there you can call them out on it or blow them off. But the general practice of “helping people to find their way back to the positive person they really are” is often the better approach.

PEOPLE WHO ACT FAKE TAKE OFF THEIR MASKS

It’s a funny aspect of human nature that we often relate to each other through a filter of social positioning, seeking approval, and general weirdness.

Sometimes you might feel inclined to complain about it, like “People are so superficial” or “Everyone is so self-absorbed!”

But when people act fake it’s usually because they’re afraid of putting their real selves out there. And when you obviously have a positive outlook towards everyone, people can sense they have no reason to put their mask on in front of you, because you’ll like them either way.

This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy in your everyday life.

Suddenly the exact same people who cause headaches for everyone else will put their best personalities forward for you, and your reality becomes a much better place to live.

GIRLS FEEL MORE QUALIFIED TO BE WITH YOU

When you have your life together, it can be hard to find a girl who measures up.

Most physically attractive girls don’t have the same motivation to work on themselves that you do – because the opposite sex is going to fawn over them either way.

For a lot of guys this creates a barrier. Girls will feel comfortable talking to them because it’s just a spontaneous conversation in a social environment. But when the same guy takes the time to call and invite her out it seems like he has an agenda, because he obviously doesn’t value anything in her other than sex.

Being the kind of guy who sees the value in people does a lot to side step this common issue. Ultimately it comes from realizing that the strong points in a girl are usually going to be found in areas totally different from yours. That’s the beauty of masculine and feminine energy.

When you’re inclined to see the best in people, girls feel like it’s more congruent and normal that you’re interested in them, which makes them more interested in returning your calls.

It also makes you an addictive source of validation, because they become their “best selves” when you’re around.

YOU LEARN FROM EVERYONE AND BECOME MORE RELATABLE

As you become “socially stronger” one of the biggest issues becomes relating to people on a level that makes them feel good. Oftentimes people will initially “like you” because they respond to status as a knee jerk reaction. But if you don’t reciprocate a genuine interest, it leaves them with a feeling of lingering mistrust.

Now think about it from the reverse perspective...

When a social interaction is important to you, your mind tends to be hyper aware of every little detail. You’re bracing yourself for something crazy to happen, and being extra aware causes you to “make meaning” out of random nonsense the person said or did that really has little significance.

Likewise when you become an object of importance in people’s minds, they’ll tend to do the same to you. With the best of intentions, and without realizing they’re doing it.

People often have a paradoxical relationship with people of high status. They love them, hate them, want their validation, and want to punch them in the face at the same time. They’ll be as fast to talk badly behind their backs as they’ll be to say “Oh hiiiiii!” when they bump into them in real life.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to make the decision that “You can learn something from everyone.” This is what makes you a relatable and a genuine human being.

And more important than the petty (and impossible) pursuit of making everyone like you, is that there really is something that you can learn from everyone.

With some people it’s obvious, and with some people it’s a lot harder to find, but there is value to be found in every person on earth if you are curious and open-minded.

By taking an active interest in learning from people’s best qualities, you are adding heaps of new ideas and abilities to your own personal repertoire.

It’s easy to learn only from people who you identify with. But more powerful is also to learn from people different from you, even who have qualities you dislike.

YOU OPEN YOUR MIND TO LEARN FROM SUCCESS

Seeing the best in people also applies if you’re not the most popular guy, and you’re making excuses in your head about how the popular people are all big jerks.

When you refuse to identify with people who are doing better than you, and you refuse to relate to their point of view, your mind turns off from learning what they’re doing.

This is similar to when poor people look down on the rich, believe that rich people have no problems, believe that rich people are holding them down and manipulating them – instead of simply learning from what makes them successful.

Even nastier is “side stepping” the need to feel status by looking down on the popular people, when you lack the substance to back it up. This causes all sorts of intense rationalizations. Elaborate webs of personal myths that become more important to you than your experience of the world in real life.

Obviously these sorts of mindsets represent a tremendous waste of time and energy, and a lot of useless emotional drama.

The healthy and powerful approach to life is just to see the value in people, ignore what’s of no use, and reap the benefits that come with a positive outlook.

POSITIVITY DOESN’T MEAN YOU LACK STANDARDS

The most obvious objection to seeing the best in people is that it conveys a lack of standards about who you’ll allow into your life.

Being a cool guy means people have to earn your friendship. You won’t be friends with just anyone. That’s a part of what makes people value your time and attention.

The difference is that there is always a foundation of no judgement and positivity in your view of people, regardless of whether or not you decide to spend time with them. Some people you meet for only a few seconds, and others you know for your whole life.

On the surface it seems paradoxical, but you can have a love for all people and still discern which relationships you’re going to invest your time and energy into. You can also establish boundaries, call out bad behaviour, and expect people to be their best selves around you, while still seeing them in an extremely positive light.

It’s the difference between how you operate in the world, and the sense of positivity and love towards people that you have at your core.

(As utterly funny as that sounds...)

Obviously this opens up a lot of room for hypocrisy. But any time you’re working on your own code of conduct, you aspire towards acting more in alignment with your values and integrity over the course of your life.

Beyond that, the other obvious objection is that seeing the best in people could mean you lack standards about learning from people’s behaviour.

The distinction is that as a guy who has a strong sense of reality, and who has the ability to interpret the world through your own eyes, you naturally focus on the “good stuff” and screen out anything that’s “bad”.

Usually it’s people who are unclear in their sense of reality who feel the need to dwell on the negative. They do this with a positive intention, because they’re in a zone where they feel like if they didn’t, they’d inadvertently lose themselves.

The point is that once you’ve reached a level where you know who you are, you know your place in the world, and you have a decent sense of what’s realistic and what’s not, you can see the best in people and anything outside of that doesn’t hit your radar.

You can make “discernments” about people’s behaviour without having to make “judgements” about whether they are “good or bad” (except in extreme cases).

This doesn’t really require a lot of thought. It just happens.

THE WORLD IS OFTEN WHATEVER YOU THINK IT IS

As you can see, positivity is just a big self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most of the time the world is whatever you think it is.

By being positive, you bring more positive people into their life, and make people who would have frustrated you act ten times better when you’re around.

You think better of people... which gives you the confidence to act better... which gets people to act better around you.

You look for the good in the world... which makes you find the good in the world… which makes you a more resourceful person.

And so on and so forth.

Bottom line: be a positive guy.

THE SKEPTICAL VOICE OF WISDOM

Over the course of your life, your mind has a tendency to pull you towards the social roles that you determine will suit you best.

At some point you might have taken on the role of being the guy who is sceptical or critical, and gotten more attention from it than if you’d been a quiet nobody with nothing to say.

Stop and consider...

Out of all the things you criticize, would they still bother you if you had all the attention you wanted from women and people and friends?

This can be a hard question to answer. It’s hard to know what issues are truly important to you, and what you focus on more from a place of frustration and a lack of identity.

You have to realize that while the issues that bother you might be fully legitimate, a lot of them you wouldn’t be focusing on and talking about if you had everything you wanted out of life.

A man has to have a sort of “standard” of what issues are worth his attention. The types of issues you ““make an issue out of” are a reflection of how you value yourself and your time.

There are issues that are “profoundly relevant” and “befitting” for a successful guy to be speaking out against (issues that extend beyond the needs of his ego and his own petty circumstances). And then there are issues that more geared towards people who don’t see themselves as having any bigger shoes to fill.

When you’ll make noise about just anything, it reveals you as being the guy who has little to offer other than the role of the “sceptical voice of wisdom”. It’s not that your criticism isn’t valid. It’s just that the amount you focus on it shows you have nothing else going on.

The real players in this world are rarely critics. They’re the people who do what they do, and who create the energy that other people latch onto, including the critics.

Ultimately you have to be firm in the role that’s most in alignment with the life you want to live and enjoy.

POSITIVITY IS A CLEAN ENERGY THAT PEOPLE APPRECIATE AND TRUST IN THE LONGTERM

Sometimes it’s just easier to relate to people in a frenzy of trash talk and negativity

(We’re talking about bitterness and a false feeling of superiority here – not when it’s teasing or joking around in good fun.)

This is a very tempting thing to do, because people often seem to enjoy talking about other people and feeling better than them by comparison, or talking about their problems and getting all self righteous.

The problem is that trash talking has a tendency to be addictive, and it becomes your “default mode” for relating to people and creating a bond. After a while it gets embedded into your psychology. You can barely go a day without using it as a “conversational crutch”.

Think of negativity as like a dirty energy that gives people an erratic buzz for a short period of time, but then leaves them feeling drained and sick of it in the long term.

That’s why you can relate to a lot of guys by calling women “bitches” – and at first they’ll be laughing and feeding into it. But later they’ll realize it’s a “wounded mindset” and lose a lot of respect for you.

(The same goes for women who are wounded about men. Their girlfriends will feed into it at first, but later they’ll realize it’s just immature.)

Positive energy, on the other hand, is a sustainable and “clean buzz”.

You can feel a positive state for an indefinite period of time, and it only further energizes and enlivens you. Positivity is always cool.

It also builds an incredible amount of trust, because people see they can speak well of you and you won’t trash them when they’re not around.

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS CAN PLAY A HEALTHY ROLE

An important question to ask your self is “What is negativity, really?”

Is it negative to recognize nonsense as being nonsense?

Is it negative to discern people’s good and bad behaviour, and to make distinctions about what’s acceptable and what’s not?

That’s not the case at all.

Negative thoughts and emotions are meant to serve a purpose. They direct your attention towards your needs that aren’t being met.

That might be a personal boundary that you’re failing to maintain. Or a bad situation that you’re seeing on the horizon. Whatever.

When you interpret internal negativity as a “signal” that there’s a problem you need to address quickly, it is serving the purpose for which it’s designed.

And that’s a very positive thing.

Dealing with negativity is also good for you when it’s in reasonable doses. It keeps you grounded in the reality of the world, so that when difficult situations arise they don’t floor you.

(An analogy would be how if you spent your entire life avoiding germs your immune system wouldn’t be as resilient. A certain amount of exposure is actually good for you.)

The issue is that the emotional state you’re most accustomed to experiencing becomes engrained and addictive over time.

So when you’re experiencing negative emotions too regularly, and it becomes a pattern, you later wind up being negative even when there’s no point.

YOU CAN’T JUST TURN IT ON AND OFF

Your mind is extremely adaptive.

Whatever emotional-state you experience the most, your mind lays down mental pathways to it, and you become unconsciously inclined to access it again and again.

Over time, the state that you’re most used to feeling becomes wired. It might not feel good, but it feels familiar. You’ve become addicted to it.

If you’re a gangster and you spend 10 years of your life fighting rivals and dodging authorities, your mind will adapt to thrive in an aggressive and paranoid emotional state.

At first you learn to fight to deter and avoid problems. But eventually you grow to like it, and you unconsciously put yourself in situations where you know chaos will ensue.

You’ve been born with this ability to allow you to adapt (and eventually thrive) in even the harshest and most undesirable of circumstances. It’s a gift.

The key is to use it consciously in your favour instead of addicting yourself to a state of mind you don’t want, without even realizing that you’re doing it.

YOU CAN TELL WHAT ENERGY YOU’RE ADDICTED TO

Generally you can tell what energy it is that you’re addicted to, positive or negative, by looking at a few basic factors.

-The way you see people-The types of people you resonate with-The vibe of most of your conversations-The way you remember the events in your life

When you talk to a positive guy, you’ll usually notice that it’s hard to get him onto negative topics for too long. That’s because when you’re addicted to an emotional state, your mind will often create blind spots to anything that could jar you out of it.

You can be fully angry or upset, but if you talk to him about it he won’t really process with the same depth. He’ll probably just say “That sucks man... Awww well...” and then direct the conversation back to something funny or interesting just by reflex.

A guy who tends to be negative, on the other hand, won’t be able to get enough of it. He’ll love the topic, keep directing the conversation back to it, and go on and on and on about all the negative ramifications of your dilemma.

That’s because as a rule of thumb, people tend to gravitate towards conversation topics that reflect their inner state.

When you start to look for this stuff, you start to see it all around you. That doesn’t mean that any time someone addresses a negative issue that they’re negative. But you can get a general sense of what the state they’re most accustomed to by looking at the overall larger picture of how they act.

Beyond all that, generally speaking you can see what emotions you're addicted to just by the company you keep and the way that you remember your life.

If you're a guy who has a lot of negativity "wired into your neurology" then people who are negative will resonate with you on a very deep level.

And likewise, when you think about your life you'll probably remember a lot of the more fun events as being a lot less cool than they actually were.

This happens because with memory "every recall is a reframe" -- so whatever emotional state you're experiencing, when you recall your past experiences you'll likely re-focus what you remember out of it to match up with the way you feel at the time.

SO IN CONCLUSION... MAKE THE DECISION TO BECOME A MORE POSITIVE DUDE

Hopefully at this point you're seeing at least some of the value in a philosophy of being positive.

Maybe you agree with everything you read here, or maybe you feel some of it applies to you and some of it doesn't. Whatever.

The point is that if you're ready to make a change in your life, you have to be very deliberate about it.

It might seem crazy, but if you're willing to get out of your comfort zone then try the "Positivity Challenge" where you spend 10 days reframing everything in your life with a positive spin, and using the way you use your body to take on a more positive way of carrying yourself.

A big key here is also joking around and laughing a lot. Nothing is better for creating the foundation of a positive state.

You'll find that when you do this, you begin to see yourself as being a better guy, you'll see the best in other people, and you'll see your life in an infinitely better light.

It's up to you, and the choice is yours about how you want to live your life, but when you're ready to give this a try, it's always here waiting for you.

One of the scariest things when I started practising being present in the 'Now' was how often I found myself day-dreaming all kinds of negative stuff. Really messed up things. I must have been doing it for 20-25 years... all my life basically. I find it challenging to daydream as vividly in a positive way but I practice. And as a default I can easily practice being in the Now. Do you have any other ways of being positive?

I think sometimes it's hard for me to relate to what 'being positive' means, maybe from a life time of being more negative.

Stellar post Owen. My personal highlight "What positivity is about is recognizing the subjective nature of the human experience – how what you focus on becomes an unconscious habit and creates your sense of reality – and then becoming the type of guy who radiates an attractive positive energy out towards the world". Keep em coming.

I wanna represent possibilities.I wanna represent magic.Two plus two is only four if you accept it to be four. Two plus two is what I want it to be.You just decide who you are going to be.The universe is like water. It will move around you.You can make what you want.

I believe that I can create whatever I want to create.I feel very strongly that we are who we choose to be...

Thank you so much for writing this up. I feel so good right now and I'll keep these habits up. Btw i just finished Tucker Max's book last night and i've been rigged with negativity lately because of it. Good article to break the pattern just in time! :D

Yes. Hell yes. Awesome article and a great resource for recalling the particulars of positivity, Tyler. I've been feeling the inner body alot in the past few days, and I have to say that it's definately helping with this. My whole state of mind changes, and everything has a different feel to it, and I'm not nearly as bound by my own stupid 'rules' to maintain status.

Awesome post Tyler. It definitely refreshed a lot of Blueprint concepts. But what I loved even more was that it went even more in depth than the Blueprint DVD program about the reasons why positivity is so important in general and with being attractive to women.

I hope this is foreshadowing that the Blueprint book will contain even more insights that occurred after the Blueprint Decoded DVD release.

positivity is THE big missing piece in every guy learning pick up. myself included. everyone starts learning success with women for all the wrong reasons. the funny thing is, if a guy implemented positivity right from the start his development would be much faster.

Probably your best self help article Tyler. It resonates with me on so many level it's not even funny (oh wait I need to reframe that). It resonates with me on so many level it's hilarious !

The only thing I could add is that taking the right action (whichever one you feel you should be taking at your core) is the best way to start viewing the world in a positive way.

It's like your mind is rewarding you for fulfilling your purpose by opening the valve of good feelings. Whereas on the other hand when you dick around something in your brain seem to go "alright no cookies for you then" and it's very hard to access this though pattern until you start doing whatever it is you expect from your higher self.

Thanks again for your post Owen. Your the most selfish person I've ever seen, I wish I could give value like you do.

Tyler, totally awesome. Positivity challenge has commenced for me. I think I already am a pretty positive guy as in not much complaining, feeling good generally, not much anger, sometimes anxiety...regardless the key I got out of this is to see the best in people (haa from the blueprint) and thats something I dont do yet but I am starting to implement now w/ the10 day challenge.Thanks tyler........booyajason

thanks so much for the massive insight and the value you offer. I'm soooooo thankful that there are people who understand this and are passionate enough to devote a greater percentage of there time to learning and teaching this to other people. This new technology that has been emerging has shifted my life in an area that was once a depressed, negative, self hating dude.. to someone who is becoming more vibrant, lively and a more positive guy taking a constant, daily and never ending improvement in this area of my life. This has lead re-open certain doors in my life that I thought were permanently closed. I look forward to reading more of the much anticipated material I know that's waiting to come out..

I think this is the first time ive left a comment on this blog. But this is a good one to start on.

I personally think this is such a good piece of work there can be a seminar based on it.

Thanks for this one. For every negative comment that i hear about anyone in the industry including Tyler . I always think. " do we even disagree with what this guy says and can we and did we put what he talks about into our lives?"

And as long as the answer remains "no", i think we should remain humble students of life and appreaciate every single coach that is useful, for our negative impressions about a person could project onto their work and I just feel its a shame if there are people out there who will disregard this article and rack their minds for negatives simply because it was written by Tyler.

Lets hope everyone can take a piece of positivity from this article and instill positivity into our lives.

heh i almost find it ironic how many many people will automatically read tyler's blog and start trying to find negatives in the positivity article.

Your new personal development stuff is GREAT man. BEST PART: Rather than only explaining useful strategies, you fully articulate WHY they work. It makes it so much more obvious to implement them once I understand why they'er good strategies. I'm assuming this trait comes from you philosophy background:) As far as being a value offering guy goes, this is like the Titanic of value colliding with my mind-iceburg. Thanks so much.

This is a simple and necessary article. People often focus on too many things and forget the most important one: happiness and positivity. You can have a nice job, a lot of money, girls or whatever... but if you're not happy: WHAT'S THE POINT? WHY ARE YOU LIVING? ARE YOU LIVING TO BE UNHAPPY?!?!?!

This is very simple but often forgotten.

p.s. Never stop writing this stuff, it's a great source of inspiration.

Man, I really feel this. The previous years of my life have been cool. But recently I turned 19 and the last months I got stuck in a really negative mindset. As a reaction, I started reading a lot of self-help stuff like Eckhart Tolle. For the first time in my life I succeeded to consciously shut off my mind and notice there is also another person in me.

The last month there has been a lot of stress and resistance (to what is) in me. I suddenly started to get acne all over my face. This even got me thinking more negatively. I think the acne is an physical expression of not accepting myself for what I truly am. I've always been relying on confidence created by the ego. I think the acne is a reaction from dis-identifying me from the ego. Now I am surrendering, cutting through the layers and trying to accept myself for what I am.

I think the acne I got over my face is somehow a test created by my core-self. I have been out of my comfort zone a lot in my life, faced my fears but this is by far the most humiliating thing for me. My confidence was based on external conditions (ego); that include my looks. Now my confidence is on a very low level when identify with my mind (ego). My conscious makes me shift my reality and rely on the confidence that comes from my true core. It makes me feel really vulnerable walking through the places where I meet the people I used to see.

Tough times hitting me now. I have been getting softer to myself; I was always so damn hard to self. Now that I am softer to myself, I don’t judge people as hard as I used to do. I always tried not to judge people, but my mind automatically already did. A few days ago I saw another guy with a lot of acne on his face and I immediately understood his situation so I wasn’t judging. Now I am more able to look at a certain stereotyped person without my mind automatically labeling that person.

Becoming conscious of my life got me massively depressed and in a negative mindset. But I think it’s worth it, so I can eventually come out stronger, more authentic and centered. Now I am pushing myself in the positive mindset to get out of this negative rabbit hole. My time is now.

Whoever is stuck in a negative loop, break out of it; really you are being your own worst enemy.

I hereby give the best of myself to maintain a positive attitude to get myself out of negative life situation.

Thank you Tyler, for bringing this up. You have always been a great inspiration in my life and will be. ;)

Ever since I first started reading the posts on RSD Nation, and the RSD instructor blogs I would periodically have those "Oh WOW!" moments. The article I just read was not only one of them, but by far the biggest Oh Wow moment I've ever experienced.

I've always been a negative person, but after reading this article I realize that being negative doesn't serve me in any way. I have attempted being positive in the past, doing positively challenges and trying to be a positive person unsuccessfully. It just wasn't congruent with me at the time and I didn't see any changes in the way people reacted to me or me internally. I figured that being that positive person "just wasn't me" and that something was internally wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and a sinking feeling has vanished from my head. I feel like the world is a beautiful light place where I can do anything I set out to do. Every experience I had in the past isn't me, the world is what I make of it.

Thank you so much for posting this article. I don't know what to say to fully let you know how thankful I am. So many questions I had have just been answered and then some. Wow, just wow.

ONE of the best blogs ive read and i read almost everyone... This is one step closer to be a fully natural.

Tyler one question? When u were bad with women and havent so much sex, did u focus on this then or was it more go up and approach ppl and get laid and after u got abaundance when u had a lot of sex then it was more on this posetivity.

Jesus dude.. your articles are always enlightening. Good shit. In the future, could you comment on 'existential pussy crisis'? You know, where you're having lots of success but it ultimately feels kinda hollow. And the solution a lot of people take is to continually look toward the future and strive toward some goal, for a 'better now'. That is personally where I'm at right now. Torn between trying to live in the present and work towards fulfilling ego-driven goals.

One of your best, Tyler :-) I especially like that you addressed the issue of gossip cuz it's such a "tell" about where people are in their self-development. I have trained myself, if ever I feel the temptation to do it, to talk directly to the person I'm tempted to gossip about. This disciplines me to address areas of discomfort head-on instead of indirectly. When you only talk positively about others (because you are sincerely seeing the positive in them and are addressing negative behaviors directly), people know they can trust you.

I am so grateful to you that you pointed out the fact that you can get to the point where you freak out about trying to be positive where trying to be positive and not feeling it puts you into an even worse mood. That's something I started to learn last summer... and the reminder was SO NEEDED!!! I tend to be a perfectionist, and sometimes I can be like, "Dammit! Why am I not overflowing with some fucking nimbus right now!!!" But it's so comforting to know that I don't have to stress about it. That I'm a positive guy at my core and if I'm simply "not feeling it," I know it will come back because that's just who I am. Thank you. *cyber hug* -Aaron

Definitely one of the biggest things without a doubt. It's funny how rediculous the mind is...Ive been laughing lately at how elusive your mind can be as far as thinking positive. if you've conditioned yourself into thinkin negatively for so long your mind doesnt want to give it up! Its so rediculous haha

"As you become “socially stronger” one of the biggest issues becomes relating to people on a level that makes them feel good. Oftentimes people will initially “like you” because they respond to status as a knee jerk reaction. But if you don’t reciprocate a genuine interest, it leaves them with a feeling of lingering mistrust."

God da*! Thats so right on the ball i cant even express it. I had this really weird life situation a few months ago where all my friends (that i made in university bars and clubs) started to flake on me in one way or another. I couldn't understand it cause the first 2 months i was the most baller guy in the place....then it just faded. I figured you just cant emotionally pump everyone all the time, and your bound to not be friends with everyone.....little did i know that i just really didn't give a fuck about people genuinely, i just liked the reactions i was getting.

Tyler - its good to see you are continuing to evolve way beyond the "community" mindset and setting the standard for holistic life improvement. Its what keeps me coming back after all these years. Looking forward to your book.

You really are a philosopher. This is an article I come back to regularly. I wanted to update you to say I've shared this article with a few friends (men and women), and everyone I've shared this with has learned from it. And they thanked me for bringing it to their attention. Thank you.

I agree. To the most, its just about your mental state man, for example sometimes good music puts you on a high. Positive people, are just OD'ing on life man, They're high on life. As if life is a psychedelic drug which infuses happiness and goodwill in them.

This is my third time re-reading this article. I have noticed my state is more positive in general now, so I cam back to read this again. This article can be read over and over for a long time, you just keep getting stuff from it. Or as Tyler says, it re-connects you with that good awesome mindset and vibe.

PS. Tyler should put all his blog posts into a book. I get scared that RSD blog will be taken down one day and I wont be able to re-read blog articles.

Highly doubtful that women find positive, upbeat guys more attractive. Every hear of the term "Byronic"? It means brooding, dark, emotionally volatile, etc, often unsmiling and sightly aggressive, etc, you know the rest. Yet women are irresistably drawn to this type of "bad-boy" who is very far from being upbeat - in fact Byronic is a recognized category of attractive male.

I have picked up some of my hottest lays when I was in a bad, unsmiling mood, by the way. But I've also done pretty decent when I was happy and upbeat.

So I guess neither makes much difference, as long as you are being "authentic" - confident.

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Bio

I'm the co-founder / executive producer of Real Social Dynamics, and the author of the upcoming book release "The Blueprint" -- I was born in Ottawa Canada (1979) and majored in philosophy at Queens University. Now live and work in Honolulu Hawaii -- My life consists of managing Real Social Dynamics, writing "The Blueprint", running bootcamps, going to the gym, reading everything under the sun, and a twice a week surfing habit.