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Sunday, April 21, 2013

After my vent to God and still in tears, I went to my mom and laid my head on her lap. She immediately began to pray over me. It wasn't long that I began to feel His love again. I knew and still believe that God loves me. When I returned to my bedroom I just began to praise God for what He has done and for the many blessings in my life. Sometimes I forget what He's already done. God will never change who He is. He has healed my broken heart. For that I am thankful.

To be honest and even more real with you, I had to repent for my actions earlier in the day. I became so frustrated that I slammed my Bible to the floor. Not me at all. You see I am a child of the King. No matter how many times I screw up and fail, God is always there to pick us back up on our feet. He is the God of the second chance; third and fourth chance; the 1,337 chance, etc. He has forgiven me. I receive that forgiveness. Thank you Jesus!

Let me be real with you. I am so frustrated at God right now. Seems like everything I do or I want to do he says no or worse he doesn't say anything. Totally feeling ignored. Why trust Him? Is there really hope? The little hope that I thought I had left is gone. To the point where when I go to bed, I don't want to wake up. God said to ask. So I asked. I asked for clear and specific, just feel like he passed me by. Answering the prayers of others, which is all good and all, but what am I doing wrong? Trying so hard not be selfish. Trying to not let my pride get in the way, but come on!!! What in the world!!! I don't like fake, so I try not to be fake. I want people to see something different in me, than what they do in others. As I write this, I wonder why I do the things I do. Why do I pray? Why do I read the Bible? Why do I help others? Why do I even "save" myself ? Really? Is it that important?

John 15:7 says, " If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." The word abide means tocontinueinaparticularcondition,attitude,relationship,etc.

Well, its what I am trying to do. I refuse to give up this relationship I have with Christ, but God, show me something. You recently told me that those whom you have placed in my life have been sent to encourage me, but being able to receive is hard. Sometimes I feel like that orphan who You or nobody wants anymore.

Coming home from church I cried all the way, because I felt like a piece of thrown away garbage. God!!! Is it that hard for You to wrap Your arms around me? Tell me its going to be okay. I love God. I love Jesus. I love all the people who God has placed in my life. Knowing that I need to persevere in God. That's what I am going to do. Jesus wants us to be real with HIm. He already knows what is oin our hearts and what's going through our minds. So we might as well.

About Me

Writing is a gift from God. I am thankful for this particular way to express real feelings and emotions. A lot comes out of my mind and onto my paper/blog.
I hope that whatever you see encourages you as a reader, but also as a believer. If you don't know and do not have a relationship with Christ, I encourage you to ask Him into your life and heart. Let Him write your life's story.