Wednesday, January 31, 2007

back at the little blue birdwe go on like beforeneedles and wheedlesof smiles from the smileyand the not so much

i take on julio as a projecta kid of normal intelligencejust hyperactive, tourettesa kid that in Canada might be in a special classmaybe some ritalinbasically living a normal life

(what is a normal life?)

so we playi stole a giant exercise balland bounced it all around(we visitors get away with murder)then we played our truck gamesetting up blocksknocking them downits loud and they look at usbut i am a guestgetting away with murderhe is my helpermi ayundante

he carries my tripodsits in on my shootsit seems to make him happyhe gets the lions share of my attentionthough we can´t speak to each other wellbut his mood turns on a dimeafter a day all dayhe sulks awayi say goodbye and get nothing´ís that what i get?´i ask aloudlindsey says yeswelcome to social worker love

maybe it´s because i´m leaving

andrea does a workshop with the staffthey seem disappointedthat chinese medical school takes more than three hoursandrea struggles with the concept of ¨real¨

i interviewed the doctorthere were conditionsno asking about sexas in - do the kids have itwhich they dowhich means no asking about AIDSand do the kids have itwhich they mighttests cost moneyand health care isn´t freesince 1990when the US subverted democracy with their warHIV tests cost almost 17 dollars eachthey can´t afford itwe are looking to raise moneyto see that they can

I interview adrianai have a new joke question to end with

do you think it´s fairas an american citizenthat i ask you answer for your country?

Monday, January 29, 2007

There is a place close to jania´s heartthough it is a three day drive from houstonit is the rural town of Jinocaowhere she has been pilgrimagingfor ten years now

the highway after Leon gets much worseand it wasn´t good to begin withour speed is so reducedthat kids chase the cars and keep up

cows walk in front of us once, twicethree times a ladywith kids, hands outone spit at the car when we went bywithout contributing

the town itself is much prettier then i imaginedthe family, Jania´s family, her other family(another family? there´s so many)are so charmingwe start with a cirlce of speechesAngel translatesI say mine in my broken Spanishlike JFKI am a Hamburger

we play games with the kidsi am whackyand win many ten year old friendswe introduce what we think is duck duck goosebut later realize it´s duck duck roosterdue to the deficiencies of Jania´s goose impressionthe principles are the same

we drive a rocky road to treat an old ladyshe cannot walkthere is one lightbulb in her housethe rooms are made up of back plasticstill they vote conservative

she cries when she speaks of her painAndrea can tell she has had a strokeshe has heart problems tooshe should be on medicationseeing a doctor every two weekslike our old people doAndrea is maybe her third doctor ever

she says that God has blessed hersent us to herits tearful and touchingwe all feel greatthen we leaveand feel guiltyAndrea wondersis this good feelingsimply something i paid foram i doing this instead of Parisor mountainclimbingare we just help-tourists?

maybe

the old lady has some relieflasting three days to three monthsdepending on her faith levelswhich seem highin the morning her daughter stands up at churchsays her mother felt betterdidn´t want to bathein case she washed the goodness off

when we got back the tire was flatwe drove over some barbed wirewhich is everywhere

in the morningwe went to the riverwe hear there might be parasitesthat swim up your urethrasounds like a weird thing to riskbut we did

it was so fun

driving back from fixing the tirewhich took Angel five hourswe ran over a nailand got another flatin a different tirewe are one of three cars in this communityso they don´t keep much track

we stopped in leonto pick up the paintinglindsey bought another onehe was in better spiritsour painting is now in our hotel roomi´d like to hang itbut jania worried about the terrible walls and their awful paintoh wellit sits up prettyi love it

today i took the morning off from the clinicthe videographer is not essential staffi have work at home that needs my typingarlen is going to LA now(who isn´t? i´m not.)3...2...1 and faithless i almost forgot how i make up stuff for a livingfor a life

Thursday, January 25, 2007

parahito azul means the little blue birdand its trueeach of these kids lacks any nest but thisand not all of them received their deserved wingspan

blogging is harderwhen you work for a livingwhen the clinic is 8 hours a dayplus meetingsand you shoot it alland how to describe all the sadness and hopeeven with the vagueryof my poetic licence

all we can do is try

cerebral palsyis a motor control issuemohhamed aliis still muhhamed ali in therehe just can´t punch youthere are secret energy points withinto stimulate the brainto help regain control of arms and legsepilepsy has points tooat the back of the headnear the nape of the neckit is hard to treat epilepsywhen there is autism toothey don´t understandand rip the medicine from their heads

helen is our door keepershe opens it and closes itshe does wonderful needleworkon pillowcases and sheetsshe makes some personal money at thisand is throwing a birthday party next fridaywe´re all invitedher birthday is in marchthe centre throws one birthday party each monthfor all the kids celebrating within that thirty daysthis year helen gets two

hector is 13, but is the size of a one year oldhis bones are so fragilethat he forgets how muchhe breaks his legs playinghis armsshaking someone´s handhis mind is sharphis tongue fast and funnyhe goes back to the dorms shoutingít´s okay! ´it is good medicine! it doesn´t hurt so much!he calms the kids with his confidencei interview him at 3he doesn´t know itbut he is the new star of my movie

antonio loves superheroesi draw wolverine for himi draw the hulkhis art teacher says draw more slowlyso he can learn how you do iti draw more slowlyhe watches so closelyduring his treatmenthe talks of supermanbatman and the flachflach? they askis he a wrestler?i try not to talk from behind the camerabut this is too muchthe flash i sayhe means the flashmy bad spanishun hombre muy rapido?si, he says, smiling sithe FLACH!a few seconds laterhe falls asleep during his treatmentin mid sentenceit is a good signthat the medicine is working

carla morenahas a boyfriendthey are getting married todaybut the minister didn´t show upthen she tires of thatand is going on a tripshe is losing weight too fastthey don´t know whyin the last six months three girls have died this waylosing weight quicklyand slipping awaynot carlanot her

Sunday, January 21, 2007

there are bootlegged movies cartoon to porn, rum, cigars, art, hammocks, wood working, T shirts, uniforms, haircuts, the jaw bone of a cow, fresh fish, coffee, corn, rice in huge bags weighed out, coke comes in a plastic bag tied in a knot with the straw sticking out, meat sitting there on blocks of ice, concrete gutters down the centre of the floor where a trickle of whatever flowing into it, kids grab your arms as you walk by, people ask you what you want because you´re white and can afford anything they have whenever you want they think and they´re right, girls grab my arm, boys grab jania´s, young men look at Jania hungrily and i look at them warningly and nobody says anything, we want rum, i want movies sometimes they´re in spanish and i don´t know until its too late, i found whitecoats which ron and mark are in and i bought it for them and i just ruined the surprise but they never read this anyway,and cigars and every kind of cigar is there, except fonsecas, sorry joey, is there another kind you want? rocky I II III IV V VI, more IV´s than in the hospital where I do not want to go, bed sheets, sculptures of fat women squatting and thin women with no heads who hug their own legs and leather wallets and pouches, baseball hats from american sports and never anything with anything nica on it never, painting and my favorites are by a guy named niger and its pronounced nigger and me and jania did not want to say his name out loud ever even though we are fans, you want it they got it and it´s cheaper than cheap but adds up on a playwrights salary and we simply must stop, must stop, can´t stop, must stop.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

the stories we heardsad has too few letterstragic is used up on kids in wellsjania cried in the interviewand a lot more laterwar is hellbut the demons are peoplewhat happens to the peopleto make them demons in the hell of war?

deep breath

back in managuathe dirty-gorgeous capital citythat would rather blow a whistle than sleeptommorrow night the other people comelindsey and andrea and lyndato start the clinica ball room is coming from MexicoAndrea´s dad is sending italso 100 toothbrushessocks and underwearcasual wealth shrugging its shouldersgiving away what falls off

jania felt sick last nightbut i didn´tsomething that she atewhich i didn´tit´s hard to beleive that we will be hereanother whole monththat this thing is just startingall that preceded was just preamblelike when there´s a lot of trailers before the movieand you´re tired when the titles roll

we all have to shake our heads sometimesstiffen our sinews and smile at the new daymore is called forand more is on the way

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The bus to Esteli was a school busbut i didn´t learn a thingthere were two guys behind usthey were like the puppets who sat in the balconydisliking everythingit´s true what they say

what you don´t know can´t hurt yousometimes

we finished with spanish classand then we interviewed the teachers for the docjania´s teacher was a girl during the revolutionall the other kids got to join the armyshe was mad that she didn´t

in nicaragua the electricity is privatizedlike it is in Albertathe City can´t afford to light up the public squareit´s mostly darka social resource missingin a town where bars are for the rich

they all agree that a fetus is a living beingthey all agree the new abortion law punishes only the poori am glad not to have grown up in stifebut what thoughtful people a generation of strife creates

at the revolution musemthe curator lives in a room in the backwe showed up to shootand he was in the showerhe showed us a jailwhere the government took prisonershung them upside down in waterelectrified the waterpulled out their teeth150 prisonersin a space smaller than the Varscona Men´s Dressing room

he took us to the roofto show us where the army shot at unarmed studentsthe square is beautifulwith volancoes behindMobotumbo and Mombotombito

to show which one is smaller

then we went to Estelii ventured from the businto the crazy bus station marketi spoke Spanishfelt indpendentbought three cheese biscuitsand a fried banana with cheeseit doesn´t sound like it would be goodbut it so was

yesterday we interviewed the leading primitivist painter in Nicaraguathey had a rough Christmas this yearthe kids were cryingwhile we were talking his wife went to buy us drinksso poorand yet so kindduring the interview i had mic problemsi had forgotten batteriesi almost criedwe have his words at leasthis arti hope i can salvage somethingpay tribute to this amazing talent

the painter in his doorway

In Esteli we saw the Museo de Madresset up by the Mothers of the men who died in the revolutionthere are pctures of every single oneexcept when there are no picturesthen its a piece of clothingthe name pinned on toppictures of yourself are a privledge

that´s why models are so rich

we shoot there at ten tommorrowthe director of the Museum said my work was importantthat scared me

a lot

at dinner we met two airplane mechanics who are driving from San Salvador to Panama Cityon motorcyclesi talked politics with themtrying not to offendi didn´t offend

who to offend and who not tois an artistic choicethat i have always made bravelywhy then

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

spanish is hardto misquote steve martinít´s like these spanish people have a different word for everythingbut moredifferent grammar toodifferent rulespor and parathey both kind of mean forbut they mean a lot more than thati always kind of doubted i could learn spanish in three two hour sessionsbut now i am sure

today i am shooting at galleriesthere´s a painter i am hoping to interviewhe was in the group that painted the murals of the revolutionhuge things on walls, blantantly politicalyou´ll seeif i ever show my doc to anyonein Nicaragua people paint their politics on the wallsthere are no mexican wrestler facesno one writes listenthey write who they want to be presidentand BUSH GENOCIDAwhich speaks for itselfwe write that toobut this bignot this EVERYWHERE

Monday, January 15, 2007

in leon it is hotnot so in our hotel roomwe splurgedand have air conditioningit is so nice therethat we can shower without sandals

leon has a massive cathedrali shot there todaythen i sat and meditatedto make up for my disrespectin latin american they do not fear a black jesusor a white onethey are in the same placelike the united colors of bennetonthey say a bishop switched the plans for leon´s cathedralfor a bigger one destined for Lima Peruthat´s a nice trickthat you couldn´t get away with any morethere´s an energy in thereplaces soak it upif i were more religiousi´d call it Godbut theatres have it tooand we´re such sinnersso i´ll call it energyand continue enjoying premarital sex

this afternoon i start spanish tutoringit will be the most expensive thing i´ve done here so farunless you count buying the camerai don´tyo quiero mas de espanoli´ll pay these guysto pùt it in my headme and Jania have different tutorsbecause she is so much better at habla-ing than meshe is also cuterthis is not disputed

our friend Angel had his cell phone stolenhe already lent his back up one to uspoor fellowJania wants a latin america cell phonei already have a europe onejust sitting therewith an empty electronic stomachewaiting to be fedif it were alive I´d feel badi don´t feel bad for machines yetexcept for certain cars

like herbieand kittand the ferrari in ferris bueller´s day offpoor carsthey only tried to do goodin a terrible world

iran´s president came to nicaraguaand signed a deal with themi can´t say his nameor type itamerica is freaking outpoor babiesmaybe someone will trade with someone besides youand your sanctions won´t cripple economies anymorepoor fat babiesfuck you

Jania reminds me not to see things in black and whitebut it is hard for mebecause my father was a dog

when he was younger

i try to make herbut try as I mightshe just won´t hate people with meon account of being a better person than me

Friday, January 12, 2007

fifty thousand peopleis so manythat you have to type out the words of the numbers

i interviewed windows of the revolutiona captain of the guardhe explained his medals to mean ice cream vendor who saidhe is worried about the United Statesothers who are notI am worried about the United StatesAren't you?

Venesuela is the largest producer of oil in Latin AmericaChavez was therethey signed a dealto build 200 000 housesand 30 power plantssee what you can do with oil moneyand desire to do something besides fuck over everybody in the whole world

and now we are on a beachlas pinetasthe little rocks, it meansthe waves are bigthe birds are bigthe portions are bigi can't eat thisi'm full

nicaraguans officially make the third best coffee in the worlda contest said soi'd rank it highermost people can't afford to drink ittheir own coffeethis hotel serves it thoughi feel guiltybut it's so fucking good

we might stay longer than we plannedthe clinic starts in ten daysthere a fundraiser in edmontonyou should go

Bill, i think of you ofteni wish i had your skillshooting well is hardi am also the sound manmy arms are tiredfrom holding things outwhat are holding out, right now?put it downi'm talking to you

my spanish seems woefully inadequatethe people here talk so much faster than jania did when she was teaching megoing easy on meshe always doesshe is talking to the little boy who broke his arm surfingtwo weeks and he can surf againthere are puppieswhen Nicaragua relaxes it can be so cutewhen it's angry, its so scary

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Here i am in NicaraguaIt is a loud countryand hotbut like Bill saysthink how the polar bears feel

tommorrow is the inauguration of president daniel ortegai will gowith 50 thousand othersangel is surrounding me with friendsso my camera won´t be stolen

today we taped at the centrea long hugfrom a challenged resident

it was nice

i went to the giant sandino siholetteit stands above managuato show the spirit of the revolution is immortalhe stands therehe stands everywhere in Nicaraguathere is a cable you can ridedown across the waterlike in a fake boot campi didtaping and screaminggetting a low budget arial shot

i saw a pretty lady with a camera in the malli interviewed hershe is an anchor with telemundoi just sandbagged the wolf blitzer of costa rica

she says the people of nicaraguaexpect change

don´t we all

tommorrow i tape at the ministry of healththe access i am gettingis blowing my mindall because of Angelnuesotro amigo Angel

Me and Angel are on a double datewith Jania and JesseJesse is one of three ´of Angels media-noviasthat mean half girlfriend

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

new years evewith Jania's familyboy they drink a lotdamn, those kids are loudlike birth controlfor the spirithappy new yearkisshughappy new yearauld lange's ein

or something

today i am in the condo in calgaryshooting the things we are packingfor jump cutting latermy doc will be fun to watchor so annoyingwe will seein the future

the condo is nicethe house in canmoreeven nicerits true what they saythere's money in oila younger me would have resented itso in love was Iwith my blue collar rootsnow i just like itis it because my Dad got richerand so did I?dark woodgood winespacious roomsviewsi like it

does that make me a traitor?

balanceis the keyto all thingsespecially a trapezewhich should be lockedit's so easy to stealthen where would the circus be?in your heart?i doubt it