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Wednesday, 22 November 2006

I don't think in my whole life that I have ever bought myself underpants (whatever you do....don't say panties!)or socks. These are the few things in life that are and always will be supplied by my mother. Forever and always, christmas and birthday gifts are guaranteed to be supplemented with "ompants and tocks." The one thing that my mom can't seem to get right every time is the style of "ompants" that I prefer. I like bikini briefs ....not sport or high cut briefs, these are the ones that come up to your belly button and they have a tendency to sit right in the huge scar I have that runs across my belly. Nothing is more uncomfortable then elastic waistbands on scars. So the rule is, if mom gives me the wrong ones, I pass them on to my aunt who like this style.

Last year my spouse complained to me that he was in need of underpants. I told him Christmas was coming and certainly "Santa" would sort him out. Doesn't everyones Mom give them underwear for christmas? Christmas day when I recieved the 'wrong style', I put the unacceptable undies on our dresser to remind me to pass them on to the aunty the next day. That night when we were going to bed I came upstairs to find said spouse standing in front of the mirror in THE UNACCEPTABLE UNDIES. He turned looking at himself in the mirror, "these "santa" underpants don't really fit" You would think that the pink flowers would have given it away if not the waistband that very clearly says "Hains HER way"

Friday, 17 November 2006

The biggest failings or deal breakers in my memory are of friendships not romantic relationships. AT least they are my most interesting...

Crissy - She was so painfully insecure that she had to sleep with every boy that we (my best girl and I) thought was cute. We would be out at a club together and one of us would notice someone cute across the room, cute enough to comment.....Chrissy would sleep with him. Best girl and I started picking out horrible guys "he's not classically good looking but he is so sexy".......Chrissy would sleep with him. "He reminds me of Marilyn Manson and Marilyn Manson is a ROCK STAR"......Chrissy would sleep with him. "He would be TOTALLY hot if he didn't smell so bad".........Chrissy would sleep with him. After a few months of this game, best girl and I got bored......of Chrissy.

Steph - I had known Steph for many years. We kinda grew up together. I always really liked her independent spirit, free thinker attitude. I was the classic high school football player dater popular type, while she was protesting animal rights. Something happened in our late teens early twenties......she changed. It started small. I told her I wanted to see all the movies nominated for Oscars that year. Told her all my plans to fit them all in and why this was important to me(I fancied myself an actress). Later that day while we were out I overheard her telling a boy I was interested in all about how SHE was planning to see all the Oscar nominated movies this year and how and why...........OR the time she also went out and bought all the clothes that I had put on hold during a earlier shopping trip together, FOR HERSELF. It wasn't till we were out together and I recognized an item, that I realized that everything she had on was what I had on hold.............OR the night I had a date (that I wasn't that keen on but he had been very persistant) and both of us ended up crashing at Steph's place (she lived near the club) although I was asleep in the same bed as him, nothing had happened. I woke up in the night to hear her screwing him in the bed beside me!!......OR when she showed up at my wedding party with her boyfriend's bestfriend because he had said that he would marry her when she told him that her boyfriend wouldn't. After he said this, she dumped her boyfriend and announced at my wedding party that her and new guy were getting married.......they had been dating for two weeks. I never saw her again. I just couldn't imagine myself learning all the words to "Me and my creepy obsessive shadow"

My best friend for many years growing up was Alison. I spent almost every weekend at her house. They had a family story in her house about the time her grandfather pooped so big it wouldn't flush and he had to cut it up with a knife so it would go down. Every time I used a knife in their house, one of the family members would yell "that's THE knife".

CommentsF
I remember Alison. I somehow ended up with her cat, Syd. He slept inside car engines and once he jumped on the back of a pigeon as it was taking off from the porch roof. For 3 seconds Syd flew.....and then he landed hard on the sidewalk with a mouthful of pigeon feathers. I could almost see the little halo of tiny tweeting birds flying around his head.Me
I don't remember Syd. I do remember her weiner dog Toby who some how manage to steal a whole chicken off the table and eat the whole thing before anyone noticed. We spent the next couple of days pulling cooking string out of his ass.....which reminds me, I think averyone who has ever owned a cat has the memory of pulling christmas tinsle out of it's ass....F
Syd used to travel back to my old apt. after I moved. He walked about 6 miles from west end to downtown. Took about a week. The tenants who replaced me would phone and say, "He's back."
I'd go pick him up and he was always extra fat.....stuffing himself at the back door of Mickey's Ribs, purring like an outboard motor.
Nope, can't say I've ever had the privilege of pulling string out of a cat's or a dog's butt.....but maybe one day.

Monday, 13 November 2006

I am of the age where the weddings I have attended over the years, the couples are either having children now or filing for divorce. This next set of landmarks has got me thinking about deal breakers. As we have gotten older has our list of deal breakers gotten longer? or has the fear of growing old alone made us cross things off? Has maturity made us more forgiving or stupid?

CommentsCJane
I don't go to many weddings, and the ones I have attended recently the people already had at least 2 kids together.
Deal breakers. God. There's a lot I am willing to put up with. Yes, I have a list as long as my arm, but it doesn't necessarily mean that something wickedly awesome about a person won't cancel some of them out.
I am less afraid of being alone than I am of compromising myself these days. That feels pretty good.F
Very wise Ceejay.
Took me more years than you to realize that its not a good idea to hook up with someone cause you're afraid to be alone, or because you 'need'.
Once being alone is okay, then you can hook up cause you want.

Friday, 10 November 2006

I have been curling up in a ball when it comes to writing.Writing is something I have done regularly my whole life - from diaries to letters and emails. I love to write and pride myself on pretty good at it - not in a I should be published kinda way - but in a comparative to others in my circle. I have also done alot of writing for work, manuals, phamplets, press releases, menus etc. I don't have trouble putting thoughts to paper (screen)

My trouble has more to do with content. I am still a housewife....and maybe if that's all I wanted to do or if I had truely claimed it as "my job" to be a housewife instead of something forced on me in the interm, I could get comfortable and get involved in the housewifeness. But I can't. Instead this feels like something that has happened to me. I don't want to make too many plans, or get too busy just encase work comes up.

But really, how many episodes of "The View" can I watch before I hire a hit man to kill Elizabeth Onmyback. How on earth did such a vacuous bore get a job talking about HER VIEW. Want to hear a different "younger" view. Talk to me or C8. We weren't raised in privileged money and married our college quarterback sweethearts. We've gotten a little dirty, done things that only bravery (some might say stupidity) can explain. That's interesting! That's worth writing about!! Maybe thats where I need to go, backwards and take a good long look at what "was", it might explain why what "is" is so hard to swallow.

About Me

I have been a writer for as long as I remember – stories, diaries, letters and notes that got passed under desks. Now this is the tale of learning to homestead in the big city, attempting to raise a family in a clean and nutritious way, trying be a great mom, a good wife, a helpful friend and contributing world citizen and how to quickly recover from the epic failures of trying all the above. This is my Life as a Mama, Gluten Free Recipe Developer, Food Writer and Wife