Sex and virginity at Norwich: Guys tell all

Editor’s note: This story on male views on sex is part of a look by the Guidon at views about sexuality on campus. It will be followed in the next issue with stories on the health risks from STDs, as well as a range of other viewpoints on campus about sex and relationships. See the related story: “Love at Norwich? For some, it happens and turns into a long-term relationship. ”

If you listen to some male students at Norwich University, their sex life is great, with multiple willing partners and no strings attached.But speaking anonymously, they also wonder about the emotional cost of random hookups for their female partners, and some worry about the risks of having unprotected sex.

Meanwhile, some other male NU students take a very different view of things, saying they are abstaining from sex, choosing to wait till they find a life partner or someone they want to be emotionally involved with.

Those views, and the fact alcohol is often involved, emerged from interviews with males about sex at Norwich. While limited in number, they reveal a range of perspectives and ideas about sex among the college’s 2,300 undergrads, roughly two thirds of whom are males.

While female promiscuity is normally the focus of gossip around campus, males can be equally as sexually promiscuous as females at Norwich University, judging from the interviews.

“I know I have sex with a lot of women,” said “Trevor,” a sophomore in the corps, who, like all those interviewed, requested anonymity. He said “ it has been seven girls since the start of the semester.”

Trevor explained that he likes to have sex with many women because it “feels good” and it provides some of the feeling of a relationship without the commitment. Having been in relationships in the past, Trevor said that at this time in his life he prefers not to have a relationship and only wants sex without commitment.

“Emotions make things complicated,” he said, “the last thing I want to do is emotionally hurt a girl.”

Last year, he said, a physical relationship with a girl he was involved with got complicated with attachment. “I didn’t like that afterwards, I felt like I had hurt her emotionally.”

This year he has decided to seek out only physical aspects.

“I make sure I am only physically attracted to the girls I have sex with,” he said, “the girls being attractive is my number one priority.”

Trevor said he is making sure that there are “absolutely no emotions involved” and that the girls he engages with know that too.

“Frankly, the girls understand that there is going to be no emotional attachment,” he said, “they get brought in knowing that when they walk back out after the sex, nothing else will happen.”

He meets the girls at parties or other social engagements. “It makes it easier to cut off all ties when you don’t know them personally, and it’s better for them that way too,” in his view.

“Richard” is a senior in the corps who explained that after being in a long committed relationship, to him having sex with many women is the next logical step.

“ In the last 20 days I have had sex with five different girls, “ he said. “I feel like I should do what I missed since I was 14.”

Much like Trevor, Richard makes it clear to his partners that there will be no commitments and that they know beforehand that he will never be their boyfriend.

“For them, it’s better if there are no emotions involved,” he said. “I don’t want to feel like I have hurt them.”

After being in a long-term relationship, Richard expressed the view that “being in a relationship is a silly thing to do in college.”

“It’s better for everyone,” he said, “its better to fool around and have fun than be in a relationship, get heartbroken, and cry about it.”

Despite being promiscuous, Richard admits he is taking a risk by having unprotected sex. “I wake up everyday afraid of getting STDs,” Richard said, “but I still don’t use protection.”

“Lawrence” is a sophomore in the corps who has had sex with nine women in the last three months. “I like having sex and I have a pretty flirtatious personality,” Lawrence said, noting his personality seems to attract partners. “I’ll just flirt and a girl comes back with me,” he said.

Unlike Trevor, Lawrence does not focus on physical attractiveness all that seriously. In his words, many of the girls he had sex with recently have been “kind of gross looking” while others were “relatively good looking”.

Lawrence explained that although his personality is important in his womanizing, there is another important factor.

“Alcohol was involved in every situation,” he said, “but even if I was sober I would most likely bring girls back to my room.”

Like Trevor and Richard, Lawrence said he is careful to not get emotions involved and has a “no relationship, right now policy.”

“ I’m a player,” he said. “I just had sex with almost ten women in less than a semester, why would I want to change that?”

Despite frequent sex with different partners, he said he “hates condoms” and so doesn’t use them, but is not particularly worried about getting STDs.

“ I’m 100 percent clean,” Lawrence said, “why should I care?”

“Steven” who is a sophomore in the corps, said he has had sex with four girls in the last three months.

“ I have sex with them because they were attractive and I was drunk,” he said. “I also have hormones and needs.”

He also explained that he uses sex as an “anger release.”

Steven said he would not mind a relationship, but none of the girls he has had sex with recently would fit his criteria.

“Each one had a flaw,” he said. “I don’t want to deal with those in relationships.”

Like some of is peers, Steven has unprotected sex.

“Most of the girls I sleep with are on birth control,” he said “plus it just doesn’t feel as good when you are wearing a condom.”

Even with girls who are not on birth control that he has had sex with, he often continues to not use protection.

“Of course I am afraid of getting STDs,” he said, “ but I don’t really think about that when I am in the moment.”

While male sexual promiscuity certainly is in evidence on Norwich University’s campus, there are still those who are not only monogamous, but have retained their virginity, according to a junior.

“George,” who is a civilian, said he fits in the middle ground between the two extremes.

“I don’t have a strictly no-sex in college attitude,” he said, “but I am also not going to try and have sex with every girl possible while in college.”

George said he is a virgin, and believes that losing his virginity should not be a recreational activity.

“ I grew up in a really conservative family and town,” he said, adding, “but coming to college has changed my perspective a little bit.”

Instead of waiting for marriage to have sex, George is mostly focusing on finding the right partner.

“As soon as I find someone who I feel like is the right person, I’ll probably have sex with them,” he said, “but I’d like to be in a relationship with her first.”

“Peter,” a junior in the corps, has a similar view. He grew up in a conservative community and has chosen to adhere to his learned values.

“I heard about many of my friends in high school who lost their virginity,” he said, “and I realized sex before marriage just wasn’t for me.”

He decided that sex is something that should be reserved for marriage, and that it is something “special that you should do with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

As a college student, he recognizes the “need” that others feel to have sex but he is not worried about fulfilling it.

“I can fill that need on my own and by myself if I feel I have to.” Trevor said.

Others like “Adam”, a civilian junior, are not religious but are simply just not willing yet to jump into a relationship and have sex.

“I am just not ready to make that kind of commitment in a relationship, “ he said. “I’m not waiting for marriage, but I’m not ready for such a big emotional commitment.”

While Adam has engaged in other sexual activities besides intercourse, he did not “feel he had an enough of an emotional connection” with the girls to lose his virginity with them.

Adam explained that he is ultimately waiting for the right person and the right moment.

A similar view is held by “Kenny,” a civilian senior. He said he just hasn’t found any females who appeal enough to start a relationship.

“I have not met a girl yet who is worth my time,” he said, “let alone give up one of the only things that makes me a person, by myself, which is my virginity.”

He explained that the most he has even done with a girl is a simple kiss on the cheek.

“They have to have the whole package,” he said, “without that, “I’m just wasting my time.”