Right
over there, actually, is a friend of mine, Ronnie Barnett of The Muffs.
Can we just take a look at that one? Would that be okay, Cynthia Plaster
Caster? How did you meet Ronnie of the punk rock 'n' roll band from Los
Angeles, The Muffs? How did you meet Ronnie?
How did I meet Ronnie? Let's see...

How does Ronnie stack up? Let's have a look at
Ronnie. How does Ronnie stack up?
Well Ronnie has a fabulous long dick. He is a wonderful bass player and
human being. However, this happens sometimes with long, curved dicks. As
the mold was setting...

Don't tell me he went soft!
Well he did start to soften as the mold was going hard. Instead of shooting
back down in straight fashion, he twisted and turned a few times.

It's kind of like dog poo, isn't it?
Or like a doorknob. I think it's cute. I love it when these come out that
way, but the subject isn't too thrilled.

What happened there?
Well, like I said, he was going soft and he was, he didn't really have a
plater. He wasn't getting any indirect stimulation. He had some pre-stimulation.
I was, ahem, doubling roles that night and.... Has anybody else looked like Ronnie's? Did anybody
else's turn out like that, Cynthia Plaster Caster?
Yeah, Noel Redding's turned out like that. Clint of Pop Will Eat Itself...

So he is in very good company then?
Yeah, and in fact, FR Forster has a twisted... My latest cast.

Russ Forster of 8 Track Mind zine?
Yes.

Who is actually here with you today in your band
with Miss Murgatroyd.
Correct, known as Sir Loin.

8 Track Mind
zine!
Mmm hmmm.

What happened to Ronnie's cock? I understand it
is a garden ornament now? What is the deal with that, Cynthia Plaster Caster?
Well, yeah, I have a copy of it in a bed of petunias at home.

So if people were in Chicago, they can just wander
through your garden and bump into Ronnie's cock?
If they know. If they know where to go. Yeah. They might mistake it for
a cute little worm poking its head out through the flowers but in fact it
is a super-talented, heroic person' favourite part of my body. Or my favourite
part of their body.

Cynthia Plaster Caster, I've always wondered, is
Peter Tork bigger than Hendrix? Is Peter Tork bigger than Hendrix? That's
the rumour that's always been around. This is the one time that we can get
this verified, Cynthia Plaster Caster. Well, what I got to see
was kind of pink, but... and not that erect. In fact, not that erect at
all while he was playing piano. I really don't know but, you know, you can't
tell... While he was playing piano! What do you remember about doing Peter Tork?
Well, I didn't do much. I was going to try and cast him but while I was
opening my can of algenates I cut my finger on one of those old fashioned
keys that you open cans with. I almost slit my finger in half and missed
out, but it was a good thing that happened because I had not experimented
with algenates at that point. I didn't know that you can't just mix it like
plaster, and I found that out disasterously with Procul Harum how not to
mix algenates.

Left to right: Mary Mary of Gaye Bikers On Acid, Bryan St. Claire of Triple Fast Action, unidentified dick, unidentified dick, Ronnie Barnett of The Muffs, Bart Flores of Pigface/Wreck, Ivan of Flying Karimozov Brothers, Jon Langford of The Mekons

So Peter Tork is not the biggest? Hendrix is the
biggest molding?
Oh, I didn't cast Peter. I was about to. He was in the habit of walking
around hotel rooms playing piano nude. There was a piano in the room and
he was not erect when I saw him.

How about Jello
Biafra? I heard he had the biggest helmet. The helmet part of
the cock, Jello Biafra being big. How about Ronnie? Did Ronnie have a bigger
dick than Jimi Hendrix, Cynthia Plaster Caster?
Mmmm. He may have been longer. You know, the curved ones in my collection
are usually the longest, but not thicker. This is Jimi.

Because I heard that Jello had the biggest helmet
but Ronnie had the longest dick.
No, I don't think Jello's helmet is all that big. I think it's fairly average.
Maybe Fritz Richmond of the Jimmy Question Jug Band had the biggest helmet.

Have you done many punks at all in the moldings,
Cynthia Plaster Caster? Have you done any punk molds? I was wondering, punk
molds versus metal molds. The punk guys versus the metal guys!
Yuck, metal. I did attempt to do Pete Shelley but sadly that was a mold
failure. All my fault. Again, doubling roles. Plater and caster!
Yeah, a much better caster than a plater, I'm afraid.

How about Ricky Fataar of the Rutles? I heard he
was the smallest.
Well, he came out the smallest but he didn't necessarily have a small dick.
He just went completely soft. I mean, not the least bit erect. That one
you can only hang on a wall. You can't display it sitting on a table.

How about Wayne Kramer?
Um... Was he the smallest? Wayne Kramer, Cynthia Plaster Caster?
I only captured his head because he and Dennis Thompson insisted on being
done simultaneously. At first they wanted to be done in the same container
and then they agreed to be...

You mean they wanted to be cock by cock?!
Yeah.

The brotherhood in the MC5. All right!
That's right. All truth to that rumour. Wayne lost out and Dennis really...
shone. He came at the moment of mold-setting. So his head is kind of like
a mushroom cap.

Excellent. So you actually have the stuff...
Oh, no. That fluid is long dissolved. Unfortunately.