A
police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of
the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you
to blow into this breathalyser tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If
I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood
sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed
to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If
I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where
the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage
a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed
car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could
talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the
monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his
mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes!" the monkey motioned.
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes." the monkey confirmed.
"What else?"
The monkey motioned "Screwing."
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing
before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.