Speidi: If you believe Perez, the couple eloped over the weekend. Waiting for a more legitimate source to confirm. (Even PEOPLE doesn’t know for sure!)

Miley Cyrus: Celebrated her Sweet 16 for real yesterday, months after a birthday bash that shut down Disneyland.

Britney: There’s a beyond-cheesy commercial airing to promote her birthday (aka promotional stunt) performance on Good Morning America that’s still more than a week away.

1999: As the new year approaches, MTV has created a 10-year class reunion of sorts, with a look back at names as forgotten as Orgy and Lou Bega and as still-relevant as Kid Rock and Jessica Simpson.

OTH: Two episodes tonight, though one is a repeat. Still, we’ll gladly take it!

The Bachelor: Why would a father go on a notoriously unsuccessful matchmaking show when he has a son to think about? The relationships never work out, so why introduce a woman into your kid’s life who probably won’t be there permanently? Guess we’ll find out when the new season begins in early January.

Michael Phelps: Has a new endorsement deal with Subway. Doesn’t really seem like the food of an Olympian.