Friday, November 17, 2006

This is usually the spot for our cheerleader fapfest at KSK, but we feel that we've provided enough of that content for this week. Instead, we turn our attention to those sinister seven fuckwit teams that choose to keep their sidelines unadorned by between-play eye candy: the Bears, Packers, Lions, Jets, Giants, Steelers and Browns.

The later two renew their increasingly tepid rivalry this weekend. The Browns players were making some noise this week about avenging their 41-0 defeat to the Steelers in Cleveland last December, and yaaaawwwwnnnn. The battle for the cellar of the AFC North isn't really the stakes on which this may finally be settled, no?

Most Steelers fans will tell you that cheerleaders are too "Hollywood" and that the team is too gritty for that shit. On this point I must strenuously disagree with the rest of the armed militia of the Steeler Rogue Nation. Gritty or not, we all know it's just because the Rooneys are too damn cheap to hold auditions and buy uniforms. And if we got any, they'd only be pitiful castoffs from other teams. Such is The Way.

I will say, if you're decidedly against cheerleaders, quit ogling them on the road, like this unfortunate Chargers cheerleader, who is trying to awkwardly simper her way out of an enclosing pack of Steelers fans. Sorry, lady, they both smell and are attracted to fear.

As for the Browns, well, I'm not sure I'd be interested in seeing any unit of scantily clad Cleveland women they could cobble together. However, if any brood should issue forth from the unholy alliance pictured below, the Dawg Pound could strap its many chins into a stolen wheelchair and have it crash into things for the crowd's approval.

Ape, you're absolutely right about the Steelers being too cheap to get some cheerleaders. You did forget, though, to factor in the cost the Steelers would have to pay to, you know, fly in actual attractive females to Pittsburgh. It all adds up, my friend.

The Lions do have cheerleaders. Unfortunately, they are middle school students. When Ford Field opened I was really hoping that they would send some scouts up to Trumps, Cheetah's, and other places on 8 Mile Rd to help turn things around. Instead, Millen decided to continue catering to the pederasts of SE Michigan and we are where we are.