Answer: Nobody. Not even you. Watching this video might seem like a good idea at the time, but once that scalpel goes in at the 5:18 mark and they start separating the damn thing from its hinges, you’ll be like, “nah, it’s cool. I paid way too much for that McMuffin to lose it now.”

(An approximation of Dana’s reaction when we asked him the minimum number of dicks we would have to suck to get a press pass back.)

Yes, you read that title correctly. No, it is not sarcasm and no, this is not a feeble attempt to get back into Dana’s good graces on our part. There are some bridges that are simply meant to be burned and we are willing to accept that. But we think you all should know that The Baldfather is finally expected to undergo surgery to combat the Meniere’s Disease he has publicly struggled with for some time now, and we should all be willing to put our personal issues with the guy aside for the moment and wish him the best of luck and a smooth recovery.

Taking off right now for UFC RIO!! Anderson Silva vs Stephan Bonnar, pumped for Erick Silva vs Fitch too. Here I come BRAZIL!!!!!! Saw the Dr today about my menieres and I’m getn the surgery when I get home from Brazil!!!!! #getmyfuknlifeback

If you are unfamiliar with the disease, head after the jump for a full breakdown.