I also know there’s a faction
within the writing community that balks at revisions. It messes with the act of
creation! All that. It doesn’t, every artist revises – it’s just not called
that in visual arts. In my art classes, after initial critiques, we just called
it ‘go work on that piece some more,’ which probably sounds less creativity
butchering than REVISION. But this is not a post about the importance of
revision.

Following are two examples of
scenes where I was working in the emotional growth that I needed to get into
the story. The first example, the scene took place in a park and the emotional
bit—a conversation that ended the scene—was the truly important part of the
scene. Sure, going running in the park and having Dasha tackle and nearly
pummel Preston for being an asshat was
fun to write… and it showed that they still had that competitive urge
between them, but it didn’t advance their stories. It just showed more of what
I had already established: They had issues, Preston was a turd-wrangler, Dasha
felt guilty sometimes and wanted to punch him other times….

Revision from your editor, story
revisions, actually are about re-imagining what could happen at this point in
your story. My re-imagining centered on a scenario that could lead into this
important conversation while also advancing the characters through their
issues.)

BEFORE

"Stop." He jogged after
her, and when she didn't stop, he fell into stride beside her. It seemed like
he was working up to say something, but Dasha didn't hurry him. Neither did she
stop. He could walk and talk at the same time, and there was still a chance she
could get out of the park before she punched him and broke a knuckle. Kicking
just didn't satisfy the same way. Neither did imagining punching annoying
people over and over again.

"Why now?"

The arm that snagged her about the
waist, stopping her escape told her he couldn't walk and talk about this. When
she stopped trying to pull away, he let go and backed off, giving her space.

"You won't believe whatever I
say, so why are you asking?" Really. When you can't win, you don't play
the freaking game.

"Maybe not." Right, there
was a chance he'd believe her. Like there was a chance she'd win the lottery
without playing. "But tell me anyway."

"I promised Marjorie I would try to fix this."

"Dr. Saunders's wife?" He looked confused.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because she is important to me." Dasha didn't want to talk
to him about Marjorie. She wanted to help him and move on.

"Why does she care about me? I don't know her."

"She doesn't. She cares about me." Dasha pointed to herself,
trying to control the helpless feeling that surfaced every time she thought
about Marjorie. (cutting the scene here in the name of brevity)

AFTER

Preston did
very little the entire morning. Probation didn’t agree with him on so many
levels, but he was determined to see it through. Make the impression they
required, and right now that wasn’t about what he could bring to the table
skills-wise, it was more about being able to sit at the table with everyone
without giving anyone grief. Or being accused of being hard to work with. Or being called an ass.

He shadowed
Dasha, celebrated a fairly significant five-day weight loss with Angie, and in
general tried to be good. But the instant they were back in Dasha’s office, he
closed the door and waited.

She took one
look at him and started to talk. He liked it that he didn’t have to remind her
what he wanted. “We’ve established that I owe you. And you’ve pointed out my
new image a few times, but the thing is I don’t think you really understand.
Making things right for you is part of what I need to do to clear my books. I
screwed you over, and it was probably the worst thing I’ve ever done. I don’t
expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect your friendship. I don’t expect
anything from you. I’ve lived with it, and every day I am in this hospital I
think about it. I don’t want to live that way any more. I want to fix it. “

“I don’t want
you to think I don’t hear or appreciate what you’re saying. I do. And for what
it’s worth, I believe you sincerely want to make things right.” Preston held up
his hands. She said talking about this would make her cry, so he had to go
gently. “I just need to understand what brought this decision now. Why not six
months ago or two years from now?”

“I promised Marjorie I would try to fix this.” Not
crying yet. Good.

“Dr. Saunders’s wife?” Preston prompted.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s important to me.” Dasha didn’t want to
talk to him about Marjorie. She wanted to help him and move on.

"Why does she care about me? I don't know
her."

"She doesn't. She cares about me." Dasha
pointed to herself, trying to control the helpless feeling that surfaced every
time she thought about Marjorie.(*cut*)

In the second version,
Preston doesn’t have to badger Dasha to get information, which kept him from
being his usual annoying self(something else that needed paired down. As
annoying as he can be in the final version, the first drafts of Preston were so
sarcastic that he almost had no other personality traits. So it also saved him
from getting punched in the junk.).

Having her get on with
it, stop protecting herself, also changed her character. It was a very
important first step in her character arc(since she didn’t just need to make
amends for the past, she needed to grow up some too over the course of the
story). In early drafts, she wanted to help Preston without getting her hands
dirty. This revision allowed her to come to the conclusion that she needed to
put her cards on the table, she had to make an effort to be as good as she’d
always wished she had been in order to show him the way to do it.

This was the hardest
book I have written so far. It was harder than my debut was in it’s two major
rewrites…Those rewrites were more about showing what I already knew about the
characters. The rewrites on this story, the REVISIONS on this story, were about
learning how to show those baby steps that all characters take to defeat their
inner demons. And when you love messed up characters as I do, that 50K word
limit is tight. All scenes have to do as much to advance the plot and subplots
as possible.

I could probably write a
book about all the things I learned while revising Uncovering Her Secrets, but I’m already on a deadline. So three things I learned from revising this
scene:

1.If a scene you love is not pulling its weight, cut it.
Just being entertaining is not enough to justify its existence.

2.A little negative personality trait show-and-tell goes
a long way. And sometimes being open and up front about your motives causes a
deeper conflict than being evasive and fighting to get at the information.

3.The shorter the word count, the more you have to make
sure that the story you’re telling is about the characters CHANGING, not just
about how they fight the need to change. That’s important too, but pretty early
on they have to give in and start growing or your pace will grind to a halt.
And your reader will probably get mondo annoyed with your messed up characters J

Hiring her ex, the irresistible Dr. Preston Monroe, is Dr. Dasha Hardin's secret atonement for her unforgiveable past. A plan suddenly complicated by his touch, which still makes her heart zing! Preston must reluctantly trust Dasha and soon wants to discover more about this new feisty, vulnerable woman—the only woman with the strength to fight for his irredeemable soul….

27 comments:

Ugh, revisions!! Yes, they are TOUGH, but I'm with you - they're essential. When I read about writers who don't do them, all I can think is that I really doubt that anyone, no matter how talented, can produce something perfect on the first go. Thank you so much for these great tips!

I keep hoping that one day I'll grow up and be able to do it! But really I'd be over the moon if I could just produce a first draft that didn't have major structural issues :) If I could cut down one of my requisite 4 drafts... I'd be totally stoked!

Hope the little tips help. Learning to cut a whole scene you love when it's not pulling its weight or is detrimental to the story mood/theme/character growth... HARDEST THING EVER. I always just want to put more in those scenes and make them do a lot. But that isn't always going to fix them.

You're welcome, Margie! I hope they help someone. I wish I could have posted that whole first scene. Dasha tackled Preston, and then there was wrestling for an mp3 player, and the security guard got involved... I had way too much fun writing it. Was so sad to see it go.

She tackled him because he pulled a 12 y/o maneuver: snatched her mp3 player and ran in order to try and wear her out so he could wear her down(she really wasn't talking) and get some answers. So Turd wrangler totally fits :)

Thank you, Lexa. It really does save time. I hope to one day get to the point that I don't always rewrite the first 3-4 chapters(again) right before I turn it in. My partials are not worth the paper they're printed on until I've reached the end. But my editor is really good at pointing out problem areas from synopsis.And it's really good for my confidence to know I'm writing a story they want to see ... before I start writing it.

Revisions are when we really form our ideas into something great. That's usually not easy to do, but it's so worth the effort. It looks like you learned some great things revising this book. Best of luck to you, Amalie.

Revisions are a part of life...and once you're published, you end up revisiting the manuscript so many times, you have it memorized! Stephen King mentioned that in his book and he was right. By the time it's on shelves, you're sick of it!

Creativity butchering, yes indeed, but necessary. If I can say something in one sentence instead of two, I need to say it in one. I'm deep in the revision trenches right now, and I'm cutting like crazy. I'm happy with the tighter results so far.

I really don't think it butchers creativity, though I have heard that argument a number of times. I think it shapes creativity. I tried to find the quote, but since I can't and I have brain fog as to who said it, I'll paraphrase. I believe it's true that if you don't allow yourself the possibility of writing something really bad, it would be hard to write something really good.... Which is why there's always stuff to clean up :)

Great to hear from Amelie. I liked seeing the clear example of what she was talking about in the before and after scene. I am currently working on revisions from my editor. It is wonderful to see the way things start to shape up, but it is lots of work for sure! :)