Below is a short summery of a game concept that I really would appreciate some feedback on.

My first question is however is "how do you explain in detail a mystery story without revealing criciul elements ?"

I dont have a history with writing storys but as a vocalist for 2 bands I find myself writing vast fictional storys with in my songs and I thought it was time to expand that drive into my most loved outlet - games.

This story is very personal to me as the Protagonist in this story is a mirror to me.

"10 Seconds Down " is a direct exploration of where I live, how I live, how I think, the problems I face and the problems I create.

Have a read through and please share all thoughts, critisim and suggestions. Much appreciated

Thanks all,
Zac Andrews

10 Seconds Down - 3rd Person Mystery Adventure/Horror

Synopsis-

When David, an average young man of today finds his town completely
abandoned he unknowingly sets out on a journey that challenges his
deepest fears. The people he once knew so well begin to fixate on
David’s weaknesses and his darkest dreams are all coming to life in the
form of monstrous creatures. Davids memories of the past come flooding
back as the world around him twists and taunts him, all at the hands of a
mysterious figure named “Anem”. Join David as he tries to uncover the
truth behind the strange occurrences within his life and hometown while
the world around him closes in, presenting obstacles of unimaginable
horror.

Settings/world-

David lives in the small town on the South-West coast of Australia, isolated at the bottom of the world.
As the David progresses through the story the settings in the world begin
to reflect his past and merge together as if time and space where no
obstacle.

Places and people pulled from his memories lie behind every door as the world
shifts and distorts, taunting him with a barrage of monstrous creatures
that are direct embodiments of his fears, regrets and former enemies.

As time moves forward the settings in the world begin to drift apart,
becoming more surreal and obscure with each day until he becomes lost
within a world unrecognisable and god forbid, maybe inescapable.

Protagonist-

David is a Heavy metal loving-wannabe artist living in the frustrating state
of having ambitions far beyond his capabilities. He is a deep thinker
who contemplates the nature of humanity, the possibility of god and the
limitless universe. David is a person with friends of few number but of
high quality and someone who lays low away from the crowd. He lives an
almost hedonistic lifestyle, doing everything in his power to enjoy
every moment and not sacrificing his loves for anything mundane or not
to his immediate enjoyment.

Characters-

The strange world that David explores is populated by a cast of people from his past and present

although they all seem to be acting strange in there own way. People he knows
well begin conforming to his every thought and long lost relatives
haven't aged a day since he last saw them.
As time goes on in the game people who were so familiar to David become

unrecognisable and even loved ones become forgotten.

Antagonist-

As David searches for answers is he confronted by strange people and
creatures being sent forth by a single being who goes by the title “Anem
Degeth”. In appearance he is a taller, stronger and seemingly a more powerful version of David.
He appears at will to taunt David, speaking in his ear and molding the
world around him to create challenges. David must revisit his past in
search of the reasons behind Anem’s attacks and a way out of the hell, back to normality.

Combat-

The scope of combat grows along side with the obscurity of the world.
Beginning from hand to hand combat all the way to epic displays of
magical power that tear apart reality. Each style of combat would be
associated with the progression of the threat in the world as David
needs to adapt to survive. Making the game more and more intense through its progression.

When you are describing the story for a prospective player, you would write something shorter than this and be careful to make it sound exciting and mysterious. But when you are outlining the story for internal use, don't try to protect the mystery, you need to write everything down, especially when you are writing the actual script of the game. Also - spellcheck, it could help you out.

Phone game idea available free to someone who will develop it (Alphadoku game - the only existing phone game of this type is both for windows phone only and awful. PM for details.)

I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.

Is he dead? He's dead isn't he? He's dead and he is haunting his hometown which is why people from his past and present fade in and out but everywhere is pretty much abandoned and reality is all screwy?

Sorry I'm a little tipsy and just being playful. The idea is really interesting, what is the purpose of the game though, is it just a survival game or he actively trying to 'fix' reality?

How do you describe a mystery without giving away crucial elements? If you want the best possible feedback and advice, you need to give away everything here- I personally think the ending for my game is amazing and will blow your face off, but I need to be willing to share it to get real help here.

But sneariously, I just wanted to say that I think in a game like this, the need for combat isn't really all that necessarily.

I imagine it being a lot like Kentucky Route Zero what with the players reality not seeming solid.

Maybe telling the story through the main character's internal monologue as he explores the seemingly abandoned town while the player only gets glimpses of other characters moving, hiding, and disappearing around the city?

But aside from that, I think it's an interesting idea. If the combat is kept around, then it reminds me a lot of Silent Hill, but that tension those games had in the early days is tough to achieve.