Why Didn’t You Just Break Up With Me?

Cheating is a selfish act. Of course, there are acts of cheating that are deliberate and there are things that “just happen,” but I think that both are rooted in some sense of dissatisfaction. The question I’ve asked myself is, “why didn’t he just break up with me, instead of cheating?” I’ll never know for sure, but let’s explore some reasons why a partner may be unfaithful instead of just breaking things off.

Can we go the distance?

Basically, long distance sucks unless you’re a partner who really enjoys personal space. Elizabeth Gower, a junior at the University of Missouri, was not one of those partners.

“Literally this guy I’d been seeing for about 1.5 years, my first ‘love’ you know – military – long distance thing…he got back from his deployment and I was here at Mizzou and I guess shortly after he started seeing this other girl,” she said.

But just because you’re in a long distance relationship doesn’t mean that you’re doomed. Marni Battista, Founder and CEO of the dating and life coach services Dating with Dignity, suggests that setting goals together can make long distance relationships easier, which can keep a partner from cheating. “Open and honest communication about the schedule, your expectations, and the financial responsibilities that come with commuting is critical…to the success of your LDR (long distance relationship).”

Guys want sex and girls want attention:

Tyler Garrett, a junior at the University of Nebraska at Omaha stated, “There’s something in the average man’s mind that has a weakness for sex — it’s not an excuse for what men do, but it’s just an observation.”

Contrastingly, women often stray because they have found someone who connects to them emotionally and mentally. “All I can say is when I did [cheat] was that I felt unloved, unappreciated and alone,” Skyler Huff, a freshmen at the University of Missouri, said. “I thought that cheating would bring me some sort of relief from that. A sense of feeling wanted.”

Finders’ keepers:

“I didn’t want to break up with him and see him with someone else,” Huff added. “That was my reason for staying with him when so many things seemed to be wrong.”

I think that we can all empathize with this idea. No onewantsto see a partner we once thought was amazing with someone who realizes just how amazing they are.

I ain’t got no ring, so I can still have a fling:

Dennis Royster, a junior at Chicago State University, stated this about people who cheat: “Some seek freedom to do what they wish with no regard to the relationship.” Now this may not be true for all people who cheat, as they may have their relationship but not their relationship’s best interest in mind.

A junior at Morehouse College explained his sticky situation where he didn’t totally feel like himself with his partner and had connected emotionally with someone else. “Relationships are full time jobs,” said Tre’Von McKay. “You have to put in the work, so when you need those so called ‘vacations’, you ring up the mistress but always come back to wifey.”

Only fools rush in:

Miguel Robinson, another junior at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, explained that if a couple makes things “official” before they discover each other’s likes, dislikes, habits and sexual boundaries — “they set themselves up to find out the hard way. So if one of them is more sexually driven or feels affection mostly through sex and the other is unwilling to fulfill that lust, often the ‘cheater’ seeks his or lust with another person.” The moral of the story here is be open and honest about sexual boundaries and what you consider to be cheating.

If you have been cheated on, I understand your frustration. You probably wondered why your partner couldn’t be upfront with you about their dissatisfaction, or the easier alternative, break up with you. One positive thing about thing is that your partner wants to hold onto you! But instead of having a handful of hearts, your partner should probably let someone’s go.

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