- Gene Simmons of the Rock Band Kiss holds a copy of Rob Bell’s “Love Wins”

We have the scoop here before any other Discernmentalist blog on the Internet including the great and all powerful Ken Silva. Gene Simmons quote: “If you go back and check all the reviews for all the icons of today — Elvis, the Beatles and so on — they were dismissed as flashes in the pans, this is why I support Rob Bell.” Of course that unregenerate reprobate would support Rob Bell as he also is blind to the Hard Truths of the Bible. Gene is on record as calling himself Dr. Love which is proof he believes Love Wins—-also he thinks he is the god of thunder… Blasphemous!

Unfortunately, if you disagree with Bell, you’re “toxic and misguided.”
Criticizing him makes you a “Pharisee,” according to Eugene Peterson.
A commenter on the above-linked page asks the critics, “Why are you so anxious to make sure there are people in hell? The fact that you NEED Bell to be wrong and have people in hell communicates much more about yourself than either Bell or God.”
No Bible-believing Christian wants people in hell, because that isn’t what God wants.
“Do you think, asks the Sovereign Lord, that I like to see wicked people die? Of course not! I only want them to turn from their wicked ways and live.” -Ezekiel 18:23
The reason that we need to be clear about the eternal consequences of denying Christ, which are real and revealed by the Scriptures, is because that’s what is at stake.
Jesus did not die a criminal’s death and rise from the grave so that we could all feel good about ourselves, have a nice life, drive fast cars, and be rich.
Jesus did not become a man so that his sacrifice could save the world from his bipolar father.
Jesus did what he did to save our souls (from the “Real Place” that is Hell).
That is the real story. That is the real truth.

McCarthy Ministries has done it again. They’ve caught Bible Monkey in the midst of “Pinkness” which is practically Red for all of our paranoid purposes. McCarthy Ministries has also drawn up a list of character traits to be suspect of:

From this book, accordingly, we see that the religion of the Turks or Muhammad is far more splendid in ceremonies—and, I might almost say, in customs—than ours, even including that of the religious or all the clerics. The modesty and simplic-ity of their food, clothing, dwellings, and everything else, as well as the fasts, pray-ers, and common gatherings of the people that this book reveals are nowhere seen among us—or rather it is impossible for our people to be persuaded to them. Fur-thermore, which of our monks, …Martin Luther

No man is excluded from calling upon God, the gate of salvation is set open unto all men: neither is there any other thing which keepeth us back from entering in, save only our own unbelief. —John Calvin

GOIP Press—Extree extree read all aboutit! Ken Silva and Eric Barger unveil a new invention for all GOIP Dicernmentalists. Introducing the new Self-Inflating Egoanator Device–guaranteed to aid Discernmentalists in their Truth War efforts by giving Discernmentalists a quick boost to their egos and helping them to one-up those vile Emergent heretics. This device is so fearsome to our enemies that it strikes a wave of terror even amongst the hardest-hearted atheists. They fear this device so much they even attack it:

But who listens to atheists anyway—certainly not any True Absolute Truth Discernmentalists. Anyways behold the horror of the Absolute Truth proving Self-Inflating Egoanator Device all ye atheists, apostates and heretics:

Wee vill vin the Truth Wars because we alone hold to the Absolute Truth Doctrines of John MacArthur’s Truth Wars™ and the Absolute Truth is ours alone.

You know how I struggle for you. Literally, I am agonizing over you. I want you to be safe at all costs. That is why I am bringing you this update. Here is something I read at a certain online discernment blog:

I’ve known about The Secret and the promotion of the Law of Attraction for some time now, but had never studied it in depth. After receiving a not yet publicly released DVD called The Source of The Secret and after viewing all 67 minutes of it, I have been reading a great deal more about this whole teaching. A researcher friend of mine today suggested I listen to a clip from Oprah Winfrey from exactly a year ago where she interviewed Esther Hicks, author of The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham on her satellite radio show.

As you can see, the author of the particular blog in question has, curiously, been ‘dabbling’ in mystery teachings such as ‘The Secret,’ ‘The Laws of Attraction,’ and ‘Oprah.’ I know there are many of you who frequent this dangerous blog, so I am warning you to beware. Evidently, there is ‘research’ going on a ‘great deal’ of reading on these subjects, and listening to Oprah Winfrey–as far back as a year ago! I think it is dangerous to listen to anything Oprah–even as close as a day ago–so I am at a loss to know why someone is digging up stuff from a year ago.

Friends, I am giving you a stern warning: BEWARE! It appears that the author in question is dabbling in things that might lead her down a dangerous, slippery slope from whence there is no return. Now mind you, it is quite irrelevant why the author is doing all this research into Oprah and The Secret and the Laws of Attraction. The point is, the author is opening up her mind to dangerous teachings. Would you, fellow Laodiceans, join me in my struggle to save the soul of this dabbler? (There is even an outside link to a dangerous myspace page where one can hear further teaching on this subject!!!!!) My friends, this is of great concern to me. I used to think very highly of the author in question, but now I am concerned that she might actually be lost. Who knows what depths of depravity are at the myspace link!!! After all, research had to be done in order to find these links. I hope you can see my concern. Won’t you join me in my…

struggle4laodicea

ps-this is really, really sad. I really hate seeing a fellow discernmentalist going down in flames like this. Isn’t there something more we can do to help those caught in the Oprah web of lies?

Dude! This is a satire site!

Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.