Upon arriving at Penn State, I was thrilled yet overwhelmed by the immense amount of organizations in which I could potentially become involved. Since my interests were so varied, but my course load was heavy, I knew it would be necessary to be selective with what clubs I decided to make a commitment. I put my passion for theater and dance on the back burner and chose to dive into my love of Judaism by joining Penn State Hillel. This organization quickly became my home away from home. After actively and zealously participating for several months in numerous events and services, I wanted to see the organization continue to grow and potentially impact other student's lives, the way it had mine. I decided to run for a student board position. Other organizations I chose to participate in included the Centre County PAWS Animal Shelter, a Jewish community service organization titled, Tikkun Olam, and a spiritual discussion group called Ayeka. This involvement and the many leadership titles I acquired seemed to create some depth to my existence. Aside from attaining high marks in my classes, I began to validate who I was by everything I took on and led.

Last fall, I gained some powerful insight while leading my usual Friday night Shabbat service at Hillel. The room was filled with over 40 students and as I led them in prayer, I realized the passion and enthusiasm I once had was slowly diminishing. The leadership roles I had taken on in several organizations, paired with all of my schoolwork, had become too much; however, I believed by outwardly admitting this, it would be a sign of weakness and I would let way too many people down. Yet if my mind, body, and spirit were deteriorating, could I be a great, effective leader? I felt like I was going through the motions and simply putting on a performance, something I had plenty of experience with throughout my childhood. I lost touch with the vital components of strong leadership and was in dire need of some restoration.

By taking time to repair my own mental, physical, and emotional health, I believe I exercised many more critical traits of a leader than when I held the titles of Vice President of the Hillel organization and Program Coordinator of Tikkun Olam. A leader must be courageous. They must have the perseverance to accomplish a goal regardless of the obstacles off in the distance that seem insurmountable. Never in my life had I been more courageous than when I signed the papers to take a medical leave and journey to a far away facility to restore my health. I was well aware that it was going to be a difficult experience, but I recognized that it was something I had to do in order to ensure a fulfilling future. No one had approached me about seeking treatment or forced me to step down from my positions. Rather, I looked inward, recognized that change was necessary, and conducted my own research to discover the best course of action to take. A leader takes initiative.

A leader must possess integrity. My inner values and outward actions were no longer integrated. What I was feeling did not coincide with how I behaved and as a result, I was not being honest with myself, nor those around me. By taking time to rediscover who I was at my core, when the titles and grades had been stripped away from my identity, I was able to rid myself of the deception that had been present for quite sometime and restore pride in all that I encompassed. This helped me to gain another important characteristic of a leader, assertiveness. I found my voice again and my beliefs and values were no longer immersed in a fog. Without feeling uncertain, defensive, or aggressive, I could stand up and state my thoughts while conveying maturity and intellect.

A leader findsstrength in human connection, recognizing that asking for help is most definitely not a sign of weakness. For so long I had wanted to resolve my health issues and accomplish all of my goals alone. I viewed reaching out for assistance as a sign that I had failed at the given task. Yet by nature, humans are wired to need one another and I began to realize that requesting support was a positive and powerful course of action. As the saying by John Donne goes, "No man is an island entire of itself." A person, who believes that they can lead alone, will fail to make critical connections and may experience hostility from others who feel detached and dismayed. The moment I opened up to family and close mentors about the severity of my issues, the gate of doom had been lifted and a whole new landscape of resources appeared before me.

While I have acquired knowledge and experience to better my leadership skills through campus organizations and courses such as this one, I attribute the most valuable learning experience to be one completely unrelated to an academic institution. After stepping back from all I was involved in and examining my own reality, I developed a true understanding of what makes an effective leader by taking lead of my own life. When I made my well being a priority, I was able to uncover courage, initiative, integrity, assertiveness, maturity, intellect, and human connection that had been lost in a sea of distracting commitments and overwhelming pressures. For now that I am grounded and have transformed my vision of a healthier life into a reality, I can lead by example and show the way in conquering all of the challenges that I may encounter along my personal and professional journey.