SHHHH! I’m Watching the Game!

Hey, you guys. Yes, you, with the sign and the face paint. Keep it down tomorrow night, my son and I are attending a hockey game, and I want to watch what happens. Feel the wrath of my disapproving stare when you yell “SHOOOOOOT” seven seconds into a power play. Quiver in your seats as I berate you (on Twitter, of course) for your random “WOOOOOO” when you got your twelfth beer, or an awesome nacho platter, or whatever the hell it was for. Don’t even THINK of standing up if there’s a breakaway. By the way, it’s “Let’s Go Buff-a-lo”, not “Let’s Go Sabres”, so don’t let me hear you say that, even if it’s your six year old who really wants to start a chant who starts it. Boo ONLY the players on the approved villains list for the opponent at each game. Don’t laugh at the Kiss Cam or the crotch-shot videos, that will only encourage them to keep showing them. A round of polite applause is required when a correct call is made by the on-ice officials against an opposing player.

Or, just go the game and do whatever makes you happy. It IS a game, after all. Everybody else can jump in a fucking lake if they don’t like it. Conveniently, there’s one right outside the FNC.