Dating Dynamics - Dating Advice for Men

Dating Advice for Men -How to attract women and how to get a date. Dating secrets to sexually attract women. Learn how to approach women and talk to women, how to pickup women, dating tips, how to get a girlfriend, and all the dating advice for men you will ever need...

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

What is an ugly guy going to do?

I have been reviewing your material and in a nutshell from what I get from it is as long as you are confident and comfortable talking to women, and making them feel comfortable and making them want to come back and see more of you, you shouldn't have a problem. pretty much common sense.

I am very confident in all my abilities, I am a 24 year old university student and aspiring architect, I get excellent grades. I am a part time entrepreneur and I am happy with the money I am making. I have close friends which I know I can trust. I can go out with people and be entertaining. I am emotionally independent. I am in control of most of the aspects of my life. I am grateful for what I have and can achieve.

I have noticed that I can talk to any woman on a platonic level and she will feel comfortable, but once I try to talk to a woman on a romantic level she starts to feel uncomfortable or tries to brush me off with the nice guy bull shit. I'm not a nice guy, the manner in which I do everything else makes me feel like I just brutally conquer things. I take things when I want nonchalant.

So far I guess you are wondering why I say you can't help me. I am a very ugly man, and if you saw me you would probably say I am right. Since my latter high school years to the present I have stumbled upon and eaves-dropped on girls I know talking amongst themselves and laughing how ugly I am numerous times.

I am tired of banging fat drunk cougars every two months. how do I get a beautiful woman or even just an average girl my age to look past the exterior. because what I noticed is a woman has to be at least mildly physically attracted to you for it to ever develop into any balanced relationship.

I want to achieve but not by being a platonic fag for three years, and then finally getting some for 8 months straight until I get married and then I got to beg for sex while she's banging the mailman. or just ending up a being a rich sugar daddy for some whore. I want something balanced and real.______________________

CARLOS ANSWERS:I get this question from time to time, and the tone is usually the same: "My situation is hopeless, I've identified my limiting factor and I'll never get past it. Now please tell me how to get past it."

Do you see the contradiction here?

If it really was true that you are too ugly to get a woman, you would have accepted it by now. But there's something deep inside you that knows that this isn't true.Here's a complete play-by-play on what you need to do to get yourself more success with women:

1) Drop the negativity, and FAST.

You think that the ugly part is on the outside, but it's a bitterness that taints you on the inside, too. And I can tell it by your tone. You're angry.

Instead of getting angry, channel that energy into constructive change.

2) There are different forms of confidence. It sounds like you have some of the externally validated kind, but you don't understand my concept of "ambient confidence." I explain this in my Alpha Man programs.

But you have to realize that confidence in one area does not always translate into another. You must learn specific skills to be effective at dating. That is what you'll learn in my programs. I don't just tell guys to be confident - I show them HOW - along with the things you can do and say.

The difference is that I teach men HOW to be more confident. Not just blowing smoke up your ass telling you that you just "need to be confident." Or "just do it!" You have to know how to "do it."

3) You need to hold up against a woman's first attempts to brush you off. This is the significant turning point of your game where YOU appear to be having problems.

As a fellow advisor once said, if you at least put some effort into grooming and style, you will AT LEAST be a "5" out of "10" to a woman. Everything you do after you open your mouth either raises that or lowers that baseline.

Your looks only matter when you let them overshadow your confidence and persuasiveness. I see ugly guys dating good looking women ALL THE TIME.

Yes, you say that this is all common sense, but common sense ain't so common, is it?

I never say you "shouldn't" have a problem. Lots of guys do. But it starts with following my game plan for improving your own life at the same time.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Is there a rule book for dating?

______________________If all goes according to plan, I'll never have to go on another first date ever again.

There must be people out there who enjoy the game: seeking out a worthy candidate, getting him or her to agree to accompany you somewhere, waiting to see if he or she will call again, debating whether you should be the one to call, all the while wondering where it all might lead.

Not I.

When kids in elementary school proudly announced that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, I thought they were insane. Even in junior high, I questioned the point of dating before having a driver's license.

I spent the vast majority of my youth and early adulthood enjoying the single life. The number of girlfriends I've had can be counted on one hand. Mostly this is because I was somewhat picky. Also, I wasn't too crazy about rejection.

Dating has never made much sense to me. It all seems so fake, so forced. There are protocols that have been passed down through the generations and excessive expectations perpetuated by pop culture. But no true rulebook exists. You can do everything right, but if there's an imbalance of affection, all is lost.

A consequence of having relatively little experience in the dating world is that I don't have any sage advice to pass along to friends or family when they talk about their searches for someone special.

The truth is I got lucky.

I always thought that if I ended up a bachelor, that would be OK. And if I managed to find a woman to spend the rest of my life with, that would be fine, too.

With such a lackluster outlook on love, things easily could have ended differently.

Fortunately, I shrugged off my fears long enough to understand what an idiot I'd be if I let my soul mate — who happens to be an attractive, intelligent, caring woman — get away. I took a chance and never looked back.

Sometimes I wonder if I really would have been content to remain Single Man forever. What I do know is that I can't imagine being happier than I am as Family Man.

But now that I'm a husband and a father, I have succumbed to that nameless disease that infects many couples. The only symptom is a desire to see the single people in your life paired up.

Sadly, I can offer few suggestions for how to meet a potential mate. Workplace romances are risky ventures; the bar scene presents its own problems; and online dating still has a stigma about it.

And is there anything wrong with sitting back and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to walk into your life?

If I did get thrown back into the dating pool, I'd probably drown. Or, at the very least, I'd be swimming as blindly as anyone else out there.

Which is why my wife is not allowed to divorce me or die — Single Man has happily retired.______________________CARLOS COMMENTS:

Yes, there's a big problem with the way this guy thinks. First of all, he makes it sound perfectly okay that you can be clueless with women, and just take whatever you're lucky enough to get.

He even believes that it can be cute and funny to have NO INSIGHT at all for anyone out there.

What the hell is this article supposed to be telling us? What is the message? He got lucky? I don't wait for luck. I MAKE it.

The next problem is this:And is there anything wrong with sitting back and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to walk into your life?

Yeah. A BIG freakin' problem, dude.

You're basically letting life control you rather than the other way around. That's not how Alpha Men live.

I'll wager a lot of money that this guy's wife is no longer attracted to him, and the relationship has boiled down to a marriage of convenience and friendship.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're a single man until the day you die. No one leaves this world with their wife as an escort. You're always single. That's the human condition.He says: "But no true rulebook exists."

Monday, February 26, 2007

What do you do when a woman sends you those idiotic male-bashing chain
emails?

Hey Carlos

This woman I'm currently seeing often forwards me humorous email video clips or jokes of various kinds, including an occassional male-bashing one, that actually kind of gets under my skin just a bit with all of the "wussification" of the American Male in the media and beautiful women's false reality of power going on.

I feel that I have to stick up for my gender by bantering back to her something equally as insightful and playful, but without making too big a deal about it, you know, like, "yeah that's kind of cute...for most guys, but I'm waay more sophisticated than that you dork", kind of vibe.

Are there any good female-bashing sites that bust women's balls really good...you know, to show her that we men know all about how screwed up women can be.

What would be a good come-back?

If nothing else, I thought about replying back with, "And don't forget the beer", or "Hey that's interesting, those are most of the reasons why I still let you come over".

______________________CARLOS:

This is a great question, because I find a lot of women like to play the gender card and include guys on their lame emails. And they either do it once in a while, or all the freakin' time.

The best response is simply to ignore the emails (I do ignore them, but note their content) and then, when the opportunity is right, I let her know that I'm smarter and above having to have a comeback for them.

Say we're out having drinks and at some point I'll make it a point to say:

"You know, I really like hanging out with women. There are a lot of guys out there that have a problem with women, some kind of gender anger bullshit. There are even a lot of women with this issue. It's nice to be around a person that doesn't feel like she has to constantly belittle the opposite sex to give herself a sense of self-esteem."

Then you sit back and watch what happens next. She will either react weird, depending on how she reads your statement and then contrasts it with herself.

- If she is a fairly cool chick, she'll probably roll with it, and hopefully you won't hear any more of her nonsense anymore. Or get those lame emails.

- If she flinches, or even goes so far as to contradict what you say, you've got a red flag to watch out for.

I believe in reinforcing the good behavior. If her poor behavior is not modified by HER, then I won't be able to do much about it either.

The key here is to roll with it. Don't let her annoying habit (and there are a small but noticeable group of women that really get off on this 'laugh at men' stuff) get in the way of you going after what you want. If you detect that this is going to be an ongoing thing, you should consider whether you have the patience to manage this issue.

Do not get caught up in the game of justifying men or defending men. That's going to look wussy.

And you have to keep your behavior above reprisal. Meaning, don't start mocking women as a way to put her in her place.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Here's another study.. but I'm not so sure...

Here's an interesting article on a "study" they conducted recently regarding sex among teenagers.

Read this with a critical eye, then read my comments afterwards...______________________NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Teenagers often suffer emotional consequences from having sex, even when it's "only" oral sex, a study published Monday suggests.

Researchers at the University of California San Francisco found that up to one-half of the sexually active teenagers in their study said they'd ever felt "used," guilty or regretful after having sex.

Though such feelings were less common among teens who'd had only oral sex, about one-third reported some type of negative consequence.

The study, according to the researchers, suggests that parents should be sure to talk with their kids about the potential negative effects of having oral sex, not only intercourse.

"When parents and teens talk about the consequences of having 'sex,' they may not take the time to define what sex is," Brady and Halpern-Felsher noted in comments to Reuters Health.

"It is important for parents to help teens understand that having oral sex may result in social, emotional and physical health consequences -- just as having vaginal sex may result in these consequences."

In particular, the study found, girls were twice as likely as boys to say they'd ever "felt bad about themselves" after having sex, and three times more likely to say they'd felt used.

Though the study could not look at the reasons for this difference, other studies have noted that there's pressure on girls to at once be sexually attractive yet resist having sex.

"In contrast, boys' sexuality and sexual behavior is generally accepted," Brady and Halpern-Felsher pointed out. "Parents can play an important role in helping to eliminate this double standard by encouraging respect for women and discouraging the use of derogatory sexual terms."

The findings are based on a series of surveys given to 618 students at two public high schools, beginning in ninth grade when they were 14 years old. Of these, 275 reported having oral sex, vaginal sex or both by the spring of tenth grade.

Among the sexually active teens, those who said they'd had only oral sex were generally less likely to report negative consequences, whether physical -- pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections -- or emotional.

However, they were also less likely to report positive effects, such as feeling closer to their partner or feeling good about themselves. Such positive feelings about sex were common, the study found. In fact, the teens more often reported positive effects than negative ones.

This suggests that when parents talk with their kids about sex, it might be a good idea to acknowledge the potential positive outcomes, like emotional intimacy, Brady and Halpern-Felsher note in their report. Parents could then talk about other ways to find those same feelings.______________________CARLOS:First of all "up to one-half of the sexually active teenagers in their study said they'd ever felt "used," guilty or regretful after having sex."

Really? No kidding. Half of all ADULTS would probably claim the same. Not very good rationale for this assumption.

There are emotional consequences to everything. What amazes me is how a study like this is pawned off as "news."

Notice how they almost contradict themselves near the end when they say that the teens more often "reported positive effects than the negative ones."

So which is it?

The article is another one slanted toward making us feel that we are justified in our society for making sexually healthy teenagers into sexually neurotic adults by making them think sex is "dirty and bad."

I love the use of "suggests" and "might be a good idea to acknowledge the potential positive outcomes." Ya think?

I believe the reason I was able to rebound from a particularly scary home life as a kid was because of the girls who "helped" me through those tough times and provided the emotional buffer I needed. Shout out to Jody, Lynn, Andrea, and the rest...

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Should a woman know about her competition?

Carlos,

I have a question. I have been implementing your techniques on almost every girl i meet now, especially good looking ones. However, while doing so I have managed to attract more than one of them, and I am more fond of one than the other. But I havn't been physical or anything with either one of them, because both seductions are still in the opening stages and they are just feeling a strong sense of attraction for me.

I know I can and I want to take it to the next level with both of them, at least until I disqualify one of them. But the one I am more interested in right now knows about her competition, will this hurt me or help me?

I don't want her to be turned off because she thinks I am a player or that I have no interest in her. If it does hurt my seduction, what should I do about it?

Thanks for everything,T in VA______________________CARLOS:This is a common misperception among guys, that they will somehow be perceived as a "player" if they date more than one woman.

The fact is that a woman most often makes this "player" distinction about you based on your attitudes and presence in your first introduction. She may get the vibe later, but it's not because you date other women. It will be because she lacks trust in you.

If this is a concern of yours, inoculate her against it.

Casually bring it up in conversation:

"You know, a lot of women think my friend is a player just because he dates more than one woman. It's a shame, because it really just shows he's smart about looking for a woman that meets his requirements. You can't rush into a relationship these days."Boom.Handled.

The reality, again, is that a woman wants what other women want. Dating other women will only help you.

Remember, you act based on PRINCIPLE, not to manipulate a desired result. You date more than one woman because it's the right thing for a man to do at the early stages.

If she runs away because of the competition, imagine what kind of self-esteem she must have. She would have bailed on you eventually. You want an Alpha Woman that fights for what she wants.

Last Night...

I overheard a woman talking last night about her recent engagement to a guy she has been keeping at a distance for a while. She said:

"Yeah, it was weird... when he started holding me off and keeping away from me, I realized what I was missing..."

This is a gal who has often tried to keep this guy at a distance because he usually acts needy, and they are one of those "on again, off again" couples. Now, all of a sudden, she's engaged to be married to him.

It's interesting, because while I have my doubts about the survivability of their relationship, I do appreciate that she was honest about her change of mind.

It was funny to hear a woman observe this as if it was a great revelation.

Guys, remember, women want you to chase a little, but you also have to make them do the same...

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Questions about how to GUARANTEE a woman...

Dear carlos xuma

I really want to thank you for all the tips and lessons that you gave me untill this day, but I was wondering if you can change the subject into some thing else like, when some one is in a relationship with a person he loves,

1.how is he supposed to know if thats the right person for him?2.how is he supposed to know if it is true love?3.how does he make sure that after 20 or 30 years this guy will still be in love with this girl?4.what are the signs she will give if she is really in love?5.how can he be sure that he loves her, what is there to make him be sure and say that I love her?

Thank you for your time hoping to hear from you soon.

- M______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:1. You can't unless you've taken the time to write down the qualities of the woman you want. This seems so obvious, but less than 1 guy in 50 has written down the qualities of the woman that he's looking for.

2. "True Love" is fairy tale romance crap. There is only the woman you are with, and what you make of it. REAL love is simply the forging of an ongoing connection with a woman day after day. You can't be sure of anyone else's experience but your own.

3. You can never guarantee or "make sure" of the future of your feelings. The best way to ensure a high-probability that you'll still want her is to CHOOSE WELL AT THE START!4. The signs are that she will still be with you and loyal to you, and meeting your criteria for a happy relationship. And if you're really attuned to what's going on with her (without experiencing those same emotions) you'll always know where she is.

I discuss the things you want to look for in my Dating Black Book.5. You can never be completely sure of anything, but you can be sure enough.

There are no guarantees in life, dude.

Take what you have and MAKE it what you want. Stop looking for the "sure thing." That's scarcity thinking.

If this thing doesn't work out, you've got another thing just around the corner because you've taken the time to be an ALPHA MAN.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Kudos from a reader...

Hey Carlos,I just want to tell you that you are absolutely amazing, I always love your newsletter and can't wait to get them. so bring it on :) It's funny because I've just met a good looking girl just now as I'm writing this.

Thank you, man. Keep up the great workGod blessC______________________CARLOS:Well, hallelujah! Glad to hear you're getting the benefit of the advice from this old war-dog.

(Speaking of which, if you guys haven't played "Gears of War" on the x-box 360, go do it now...!)

I'll keep the good stuff coming as long as you guys keep learning and returning it to the ladies...

Is this guy losing this woman's attraction?

Hi Carlos,

I've been reading your news letters for about a year now ... I've actualy found [a particular entry] the most useful, because of what you say about it being an entire mind set. Not, a bunch sneaky ways to get a women into bed. From what you say, it is a lifestyle, which you emphasise far more than the other entries. The whole idea that you have to have this strong sense of self-respect for yourself so true in ALL areas of your life, not just women.

That definitely has had the biggest influence on me. The confidence it has given me is enormous, and yes I have been having problems with this girl, but overal, since I started reading, i've never looked back.

I've got a small issue i'd like to share with you. I've been dating a girl for 5 months now, however I'm beginning to be concerned with her interest levels. Initially everything was good.

However recently we've been to a few parties together and most of the people are her school friends, who I get on with, but don't really know very well. Then she just leaves me to go off and have a laugh with them.

This I don't have a huge problem, but little things in her body language suggest a disinterest in me, and an interest in other guys. Now I know this sounds like I'm becoming insecure, but come on! if you're going to a party with your boyfriend you don't just leave them as soon as you walk in! So I kept myself calm, and went of to have fun with some of her other friends and danced with some other girls. Not that I don't mind too much, but I get the feeling I'm being treated as a commodity, and I don't like it.

Recently, she showing all the signs of strong attraction towards this other guy, and I really had to just take a walk, I didn't know quite what to do. Every time I think of this it makes me feel so angry at myself for letting this happen, that fact that I now would appear to be second best (and I hate coming second in anything!).

Honestly, I feel like dumping her right now, but I can't as I'm going on holiday with her to finland in two weeks.What do you think I should do?

ThanksAC______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:

There's a lot of emotional dynamics to understand in this game, too. It's not something that a lot of other guys cover, because admitting the emotionality of it somehow makes you feel a little "girly man."

But it won't.

I'm immersed right now in some research regarding emotional motivations, and I'll be adding this understanding to the content of the Advanced Coaching program. But suffice to say, right now, you are using anger to avoid the feelings of sadness that are harder to deal with.

It's a universal defense mechanism that men and women both use.

Yes, you are starting to sound like you're losing your frame and self-confidence based on her reaction.

Look, it's normal to want a woman to reciprocate her feelings. But the honest truth of the matter is that you can't MAKE her feel anything. All you can do is act based on PRINCIPLE, and then invest a little energy in giving her a fun experience with you.

After that, you simply use the strategies for demonstrating your Alpha Man character, and hope this girl is smart enough (and SANE enough) to make the right decision. If she doesn't, NEXT!

Jealousy will come up from time to time, as it has with this new guy that's spiking her interest.

But I guarantee you this: If you have other prospects you are working on at the same time, you won't feel so jealous! You'll be in an "abundance" mindset, instead of scarcity.

Hey, you've got a competitive streak. You don't like to lose.

That's good!

But beating yourself up over the one that got away will only set your attitude back even further, and cause unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Spank yourself, and then move on!

It's time to learn from your mistakes, correct them, and then find the next girl that you can get on with.

And let this be a lesson to never pre-commit to travel with a woman unless she's YOURS. (i.e., you're sleeping with her and you're a "couple.")

I say you dump her anyway, go to Finland ALONE, and pickup women there. There's no reason you should throw more good money after bad on someone like this. Don't ruin your Holiday.

Make it what you WANT it to be...

And if you want to learn the advanced Communication strategies that I use to get women interested and KEEP them interested, you should look at this: Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion

Monday, February 19, 2007

Are you a Fame Junkie?

A new story on CNN.com talks about how we're hard-wired to desire fame and attention.

I'm not so sure this article's author realizes (or cares) that even if there is something natural about a small level of narcissism and this kind of "look at me!" attitude, it's still a defect of personality to need this from other people, and especially from women, over the long term. It's something we can counter with a good sense of self-esteem.

I do like the observation that you can now be famous just for being famous - not for accomplishing anything of value. That's where I see this whole desperate need for attention is going very wrong.

But read on and see what you think...______________________'We all desire attention'Robert Thompson, a Syracuse University pop culture professor (and one of Halpern's sources), wasn't surprised by Halpern's conclusions."We tend to talk about people obsessing over fame as somehow defective, when the very people who make the analysis have their own byline," he says. "I think this desire [for fame] is very human. We all desire attention."In "Fame Junkies" Halpern cites studies that suggest fame is a factor in other animal groups as well. In one study rhesus monkeys were willing to give up their food simply to stare at a dominant monkey.Perhaps, Halpern concludes, there is something hard-wired within us to follow celebrity."It makes you feel better about the whole thing -- 'I'm not really to blame for my fascination with Tom Cruise,' " he says. "To a certain extent, that's true."Illusion and disillusionPerhaps the most troubling section of Halpern's book is a portion in which he attends a talent convention in Los Angeles. It's far from free -- it costs thousands for the attendance fee and travel arrangements -- and students have likely invested thousands more training at modeling outposts across the country. The pursuit of the fame dream is a lottery ticket that goes for $5,000, $10,000 or more, with no guarantees."If I told you [someone in] your family gambled away $10,000, you'd say they have a serious problem. But to become famous, that's kind of an equally unhealthy thing that's going on, and it's compounded by the fact that you know [most of] these kids are going nowhere," Halpern said.Genetics may show us that a certain fascination with fame is natural and healthy, but why do we as a culture seem to be spending so much time on it?A greater focus on the fame of celebrities in our culture, rather than their talents or accomplishments, may be one answer. It is no longer necessary to have something of value to offer in order to be famous. Reality shows like "Survivor" confer celebrity status on people simply for becoming known. On these shows, fame becomes the central point, instead of a side effect of accomplishment."It doesn't matter what you're on for -- talent, humiliation -- a certain status is conferred on you," says Halpern.Put these wildly popular shows in the context of an individualistic youth culture with an increasing sense of personal entitlement, and fame almost becomes a birthright. In fact, results of high school and college student personality studies indicate both narcissism and a sense of entitlement have risen in recent years -- a psychology with "serious implications," says Halpern."Because fame seems accessible, delusions of fame don't seem delusional," he says. "And when you grow up and join the workplace, you don't want to do drudge work, and you feel disillusioned when that doesn't happen."

Sunday, February 18, 2007

How do you keep good boundaries, but win friends and influence people?

First of all, thanks for putting some great products and info out there. Maybe you should do an article on time management, I'm actually having trouble fitting all my dates into my schedule lol! Which is a definite first for me as I always used to end up being 'just a good friend' or worse still completely loosing out, guess I was a nice guy eh!

Thanks again Carlos. I do have a couple of questions though...

I'm in the process of reading the Secrets of the Alpha Man eBook again, having listened to the Secrets of the Alpha Man program a few times over. I have reached a segment in the eBook which suggests reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, which is a fantastic book and a great recommendation.

I have read this book before, although it was a long time ago, now I'm reading it again. With my new knowledge so to speak, I'm asking myself quite a few questions with regards to the content. One of which is this:

It states ... 'do not criticize others'. Whilst I know that criticism is bad and can show low self esteem (trying to make yourself look better whilst lowering other people etc.), is it not sometimes required to state that something will not be tolerated - something against your values etc.

How do you go about treading this fine line of standing up for your values without criticizing others' actions around you - both socially and in the work place (I am a leader of a small team).

It also mentions in How to Win Friends and Influence People about conversation (I know you have just released a CD set about this and will be purchasing it after I have completed the Alpha Immersion program etc), and about how you should always listen to other people. Well I went on a date last night and whilst I had a great time, I was spending a lot of time asking questions about her. Whilst doing that I think I missed a few chances of ramping up the attraction, she did ask to see me again but I think I could have ramped it up a little more!

What is a good balance and how do you work it?

Cheers,Steve______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:First off, good job with using my program to start up a social life like this. It's a good feeling, isn't it? Knowing that you have control over your life, and YOU have the ability to pack your calendar with as many great women as you care to.

As for criticizing others, keep in mind that monitoring and protecting your self-respect and dignity is very different from criticism. When someone really goes overboard and commits this kind of infraction against you, then you must put them back in their place. If you value their friendship or acquaintance, that does not mean you let them walk all over you.

As for your second question, you're asking how you could do better than success???

(SLAP!)C'mon, you can always do better, but don't get caught in the trap of over-analysis. That's how most guys blow themselves right out of their Alpha Mindset. When you first get going with any self-development, it's a danger that you're going to start realizing how many areas you can improve on, and that serves to further justify a sense of inadequacy.

Don't go there.You have good results, and you need to let those sink in before you start getting all critical about your good game.

As the wise man said, "Happiness is learning how to want what you already have..."

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Getting women while you're on the job...

Q: I work in an airport and see plenty of attractive women daily. My interaction with them is brief. I do well flirting but my cold game close is bad. I'm also working and have to be mindful of harrassment.

What do you reccomend?

______________________CARLOS' ADVICE:Yeah, this can be a problem, since you're on the job and you want to keep earning your paycheck, I assume.

Here's the easy way to handle it:

1) Find the woman you're interested in.

Seems easy enough. An airport is a virtual horn-of-plenty when it comes to women. You have an ideal hunting zone.

This establishes right away if they're FROM your city, or just passing through. Once you've got that established, you can simply say, "Look, I don't want to get in trouble while I'm on the clock, but I thought you were worth the risk. Give me your number and when you're in town again we can meet up for a drink and a laugh."

Then pull out your phone and wait for her to give it to you.

If she says no, fine. Her loss. You smile and say, "Cool. Have a great trip!"

But if you communicate your ALPHA MANHOOD correctly when you tell her to give it to you, she will feel social pressure and probably give it to you. Not to mention the power of the compliment that you risked yourself at work.

Friday, February 16, 2007

How long will it take to "get it?"

Dear Carlos,

I bought all these books and I said I am gonna read "The Game" last, what a mistake. I don't know if you have read the other books but basically they are about asking open ended questions, how to compliment women, how to dress and one of them even gives advice about men's underwear

After I finished them I started reading The Game. After I read a few chapters I said "come on man no fcunikg way!!" It's just an imaginary community to sell the book and earn money. I knew about NLP and anchoring already. When I read the thing Ross Jeffries has done in the pizza shop I said this is possible and decided to search it. I googled the community and shit!! They are all real. I was really impressed.

Now I live in London. I am a university student and I am 19. I am from Cyprus and English is not my native language. When I came here this was fucking me up but by now I have been here for 1.5 year and I am getting used to this language. I am telling this because I think this is one of my sticking points, may be the biggest one. 80% of pick up is what you say I think.

I am sure you would ask my score. I tell you. I kissed only once. To be honest it wasn't my victory she was the one who kissed me. I considered my score as '0' and I am still a virgin. During my entire life I have always been rejected by the girls that I felt in love. I wasn't a popular student in school. Now I have an one-itis for about 5 years who always fucks me up!

... I know it depends but I wanna ask this. How long do you think it takes from AFC to PUA?? How much should I spend on seminars and workshops and for other stuff and the most important thing where should I start from!!? During the summer I am planning to go to America and Canada for pick up workshops but it's not definite yet.

Thank you for wasting your time for me and reading the letter of a desirous AFC. Now you know what my life is like, can you please give me hand and show me a way to get out from this life? What are your advices that I really need to know? I am looking forward for your reply…

Respect my Mate...______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:

What I'm noticing with a lot of guys with "book knowledge" of this topic and the art of attraction is that they are lacking in one very important area:

CONVERSION

That is, they need to convert their "imagined" experience and knowledge from reading e-books and listening to programs into REAL experience in the field.

What does that take?

Just going out there and interacting with women everywhere you possibly can. Most guys don't actually fail with women just because they don't have the skills. That's really an indirect symptom. The reality is that they are failing because they won't push themselves out of their comfort zones into a place where they can learn much faster.

Everyone wants to know "how long?" to get this stuff.

I can only tell you "how long is a piece of string?"

EVERY person differs, and I can't possibly even give you an ESTIMATION. Sorry, I just can't. Anything I say would only serve to raise more self-limiting beliefs in your head.

It's going to take as long as it takes for you. No longer, and no shorter. If you work hard, you can do this in a floggity-krum of weeks. (That's my clever name for AS MANY AS IS NECESSARY.)

The good news it that you control how long it will take.

How can you shorten it?

You can compress time frames by finding short cuts, or maps through this hazardous wilderness. Getting a good roadmap is as simple as downloading my basic program to help you become a better MAN.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Don't be in a hurry....

Hmmm, my situation. So I have no problem getting women into bed, however, I think this takes away from my wanting to be with them long-term, they're too easy. Currently seeing 3 women, but thats it, theres nothing more there. Its been a while since I've met one that I actually wanted to stay with long term. Think I have a hard time trusting women, heck if they slept around half as much as I did that would still be substantial.

So I guess my situation is that I'm meeting all the wrong types of girls, possibly looking in all the wrong places. At my age, 29, I'm ready to finally settle down, well sooner than later...

Any feedback would be appreciated on this short summary.

Thanks,

Karl______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:At your age??? You're laying an artificial expectation on yourself. You don't have to get married unless you REALLY want to get married.

One thing I've discovered is that the attitude of "I want to get married" very often makes you very undesirable to women.

You're going to carry this aroma of "I'm ready ladies... let's get going..." And it will ultimately repel the very women you're looking to find.

The attitude you should have is just that of EXPLORATION.

Another problem you should address is your double standard. You said: " if they slept around half as much as I did that would still be substantial."

If the women you're seeing aren't doing it for you, or aren't what you want, you need to start cycling your inventory, chum. The more of your life you fill with what you DON'T want, the less room there is for what you do.

Figure out where your lack of trust is coming from, because that's your limiting factor right now. Until you rid yourself of it, you won't find (or keep) a good woman because you'll undermine it with your fears.

And also forget about your need for "sooner" or having a timeline. If you could look into a crystal ball and see that you wouldn't get married until you were 50, what would you do?

Go on living your life, learning, and improving at being an Alpha Man. That's all you can do. Getting married doesn't change that. It's just a legal document that works about 50% of the time.

My guess is that you're placing too much importance on finding a woman rather than finding your purpose here on this planet. Paul Coelho describes it as your Personal Legend. I call it your Alpha Man destiny.

New Study Shows "This is Your Brain In Love..."

FROM CNN: This is an excerpt of an article on a new study of the brain.

______________________

Male brain - female brain

In their work with the lovestruck, the scientists found brain differences between men and women.

"The men had quite a bit more activity in the brain region that integrates visual stimuli. This isn't surprising considering that men support the porn industry and women spend their lives trying to look good for men," says Dr. Fisher.

But she adds there's probably a more anthropological reason at work. Simply put: A man's evolutionary mission is to spread his seed. That won't work if he mates with an 80-year-old grandmother.

"Men have to be able to size up a woman visually to see if she can bear babies," says Dr. Fisher.

The women's brain activities were a bit more puzzling.

The scientists found that women in love had more activity than men in the areas of the brain that govern memories. Dr. Fisher theorizes that this is a "female mechanism for mate choice." There are no visual clues for whether a man is fertile, but if a woman really studies a man and remembers things about his behavior, she can try to determine whether he'd make a reliable mate and father.

Thus, if it sometimes seems like a woman remembers everything -- good and bad -- about a man, "it's not just her being picky. It's an old Darwinian evolutionary strategy."

What's love got to do with it?

In the end, Drs. Fisher and Brown say what they learned from lovers' brains is that romantic love isn't really an emotion -- it's a drive that's based deep within our brains, right alongside our urges to find food and water.

"This helps explain why we do crazy things for love," says Dr. Brown. "Why did Edward VIII give up the throne for Wallis Simpson? The systems that are built into us to find food and water are the things that were also active when he renounced the throne of England."

Now their research is centered on the flip side of love. They've recruited college students who'd just been rejected by their sweethearts. Again, the scientists performed MRI's while these students looked at photos of the objects of their affection.

This time, the results were different, Dr. Brown says. The insular cortex, the part of the brain that experiences physical pain, became very active.

"People came out of the machine crying," she said. "We won't be doing that experiment again for a long time."

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion is HERE!

I hope you get this in time because I have something VERY important that you're going to want to hear about.

Have you ever wondered what the most common problem I encounter is when I coach guys 'in the field' and hold my workshops?

I think you'll be surprised to find out that it might even be the same sticking point you may have in your own dating life.

Have you ever run into this situation:

You're talking to Mary, a cute woman you started a conversation with at the bar. You exchange a few bits of small talk, and then you're ready to ramp it up a bit...

... But you don't know what to say. In fact, you feel that familiar silence creeping into the conversation, and you know you should say something, but what?

Sure you have. We all have. I've had more than my fair share of conversations that ran out of juice just when I wanted to take it to the next level, or just ask a woman out. The most common problem guys have is how to keep a conversation going with confidence.

And nothing sucks worse than not knowing how to keep talking to a woman that you are interested in.

Well, you don't have to feel that way anymore.

Announcing: The Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion program.

That's right, it's finally here!

I've basically done a brain-dump of all my BEST information on conversation and communication. Everything from reading people's eyes to telling if they're lying. How to handle guys that try to blow you out when you're in social situations. How to talk about anything all night long. How to cold read someone in just a few minutes.

You'll even get to hear a LIVE conversation where I demonstrate the strategies to keeping the energy up and the conversation exciting.

It's all in here.

I wanted to get this letter to you in time because I've been limited on my first pressing of this program, and if you don't act now, I don't know when I will be able to get you a copy after the first edition sells out.

I'm not going to overload you with a bunch of hype here or waste your time. Just go take a look at the program. I promise you it's something that you've always wanted.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The 6 Kinds of Lovers

Here's a little pre-"holiday" treat for you...______________________What kind of lover are you? Here's how to tell

By Afi-Odelia E. ScruggsHealth.com

My husband and I have been married less than 10 years, but we're the quintessential "old married couple." We don't coo or act lovey-dovey, even though we have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. Some onlookers might call our relationship stodgy, but most social scientists would say we happen to be the kind of folks whose friendship blossomed into love.

For other couples, love can look quite different. Some enjoy sparks and passion even decades into their relationship. Others obsess over every single detail of a 20-year marriage as if they had just started dating. In fact, experts say there are six different ways you can be "in love." And your love style may change over the course of your relationship.

Knowing your style can help you evaluate your relationship, says Susan Hendrick, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Texas Tech University, who -- with her husband and research partner, Clyde Hendrick, Ph.D. -- has spent 25 years studying relationships. It'll help you have more realistic expectations about how love happens for you and how it evolves. If you understand that it's normal for a loving couple to have a platonic relationship, for instance, you'll know not to worry if there aren't fireworks.

So what kind of lover are you? Check out these descriptions to find your personal style, and learn how you can keep your relationship healthy and happy.

The romantic

You love being in love. You may be swept away by your new lover's looks or other appealing physical attributes -- and disappointed when they change over time.

Remember that true love doesn't recede with his hairline, and romance doesn't have to fade as the relationship matures. Plan dates, weekend getaways, or just-the-two-of-you vacations to rekindle the spark that ignited your relationship, suggests Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle.

The list-maker

"You have criteria that are important, and you won't change them," Schwartz says. Even if you're in a committed relationship, you may put too much pressure on your partner to live up to your standards.

Let go of the list. Schwartz warns that clinging to those must-haves could mean a chafed relationship or a lonely life. "Ultimately, the important things are companionship, love, a capacity for forgiveness," she says. "Not the stuff that may impress outsiders."

The obsessive

You want to spend all your time with your partner. And you constantly worry about your relationship, even when you've been together for years. Schwartz says this kind of partner can be overbearing or have highs and lows that drive her significant other crazy.

Don't crowd your lover, Schwartz says. "Realize that too much of a good thing can be too much." You may need to talk to a counselor who can help you understand why you feel so insecure and help you find ways to put your relationship in perspective.

The giver

You may give more than you get. "At some point, you find that it's all going one way," Schwartz says. You're constantly working selflessly to meet your partner's needs, but you're not looking after you.

It's important to have a life outside of your marriage. Develop your own interests, cultivate your own friendships, and reserve time to do things you like to do -- without your partner.

The player

You love courtship. "For these lovers, the chase is a lot of it," Schwartz says. You're easily bored in long-term relationships, though, and your eye may roam.

First, avoid situations that could lead to affairs. "Don't have a drink with that interesting colleague," Schwartz says. "Take temptation out of your life." Instead of looking for excitement outside your relationship, try doing new things (salsa dancing, anyone?) with your partner, so you can see him or her in a fresh light.

The pal

Love seems to creep up on you. One day you think, "Wow, I've really been spending a lot of time with Jack," then realize you're in love. In the long term, your relationship may be quiet, but it's strong.

Don't let your thing get too platonic. "You need moments of romance," Schwartz says. Planning a special dinner for two or just planting a passionate kiss on him once in a while shows your partner (and reminds you, too) that you think he's sexy and exciting.______________________

CARLOS COMMENTS:

I'm sorry, but it's pretty apparent that the passion is not their with this woman and her husband. Given that she's a PhD. and their friendship "blossomed" (more like wobbled, if you ask me) into a relationship, I find yet again evidence that most people stay in a relationship because of a lack of choices, not because they are sincerely passionate about their mate.

"Enjoy each other's company"?? Give me a break. She should take the advice of the researchers she quotes here. Stop being "pals" and put the sexual tension back in. THAT is what makes a relationship HUM.

It's not really that hard to keep things interesting. It's a lot less energy than it takes to find someone new when the old one cheats on you because you stopped working at it...

And it's oh-so-easy to fall into laziness, isn't it?

But I like the 6 types listed here. I think this is oversimplification. You'll probably find that you're a mix of some of these elements.

Now if you'd like more depth and understanding about your Alpha Man role with women, be sure to check out the SECRETS here...

Sunday, February 11, 2007

How does an Alpha Man handle a woman's bad behavior?

I've dipped into parts of the dating black book and have tried a couple of strategies, specifically trying for unusual and different first dates. This I find is a successful technique, enabling me to stand out from the crowd of also-ran's that pursue the same girl.Another good idea is challenging a woman on her tests instead of spinning ones wheels with repeated offers. This has achieved positive results, where previously I might have stalled...I had email/phone from a woman a month ago.Since then made 2 invites to afternoon dates (starbucks/library) Received a reply saying she was busy and needed some time.Then made two invites to coffee dates early evening. No reply to either invite.I called her on this silence texting her: "it feels rude to get no response and that I thought she was more creative than this"Just received text apology saying shes confused, just started new job, got new life etc. (This is true her ex-employer closed down 3 weeks ago)My instincts say to trust her action (Staying in contact and leaving door open) rather than to believe her words.I have two questions:How best could I phrase next invite to reduce risk of flaking?How could I have better phrased the "calling her on her rude failure to reply"?Many thanksJ______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:Aha. The answer, my friend, lies in one sentence of your email where you said:I called her on this silence texting her: "it feels rude to get no response and that I thought she was more creative than this"

I'm finding more and more that the turning point in any situation with a woman is just that - a point. It wasn't an evening or a morning or a particular "date." It's almost always a single ACTION that does you in.

From there on out, you either spiral the drain, or you take off into the atmosphere.

What happened here is that you let your emotions dictate the vibe, and when you tried to demonstrate some backbone, you ended up looking like a dick. Some women will respect your stance - but most will not.

The presentation must always be that of an Alpha Man who can take this stuff in stride.

In other words, if you're still getting indignant and agitated because a woman flakes on you, or appears to not pay attention to you, you're indicating something to her.

1) This is something you're sensitive about

2) You are angry - meaning that you're showing it in a way that is a turnoff for women

3) You have not had enough experience with women that you still get angry and indignant when this happens to you.

4) She senses that you don't have many options if you're riding all your emotional chips on her like this

You see, she knows that most women do this sort of thing, and her inaction is not necessarily a reflection on you.

Women are flaky.

Hell, so are guys.

Your first step is to drop the angry tone. You'll never get what you want by fear and intimidation. You may "make a stand," but you'll alienate yourself in the process.

Even if someone disrespects us, we have a choice in how we act about it.

Always do it with an edge of good humor.

The fact is that by trying to reduce the probability of flaking, you're really making it that much more likely it will happen. Give up the need to manipulate the circumstance, and adhere to the correct principles.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Analysis of a Chat

I met my first online girl on myspace.com. I e-mailed her and she replied.We sent a few back and forth and I got her to use AIM, That's AOL Instant Messaging.We chatted a few times. I asked her if she was seeing anyone.

She said she was kind of seeing someone from college. He kept bugging her and she said she needed some time to think, some space. Well they got into a fight and he called her friend a bitch. She told me she smashed the cell phone.

Well a day or two later I was chatting with her and I asked her for her home phone number.She got all silent. So I tested her and said" Do you need time to think about it?" She said " a little bit"

Well 3 days later there she was right at 8 on AIM. We talked for a while then I asked her for her phone number.

me - Hey give me your number so I can get ahold of you sometime offlineher - my phone is broke lolher - seriouslyme - like your regular phone?me - well anyways last time I asked youme - I said do you need time to think about itme - you said a littleme - so I gave you a littleme - what's the deal?me - I'm not a freak you knowher - i never said you wereme - well I'm just sayingme - so your telling me you have no phone what so ever?her - all i have is my cellme - what do you do send people smoke signals?her - are you being a smartass?me - just kiddingme - so you have no home phone then?her - no need for one we have dslme - oh so you have no cable?her - lolher - yes we have cableher - but its against my religion to watch gay tv showsme - See we here have cable internetme - so we also have a home phoneher - well im not paying for a home phone and hillary dont talk on the phone at all, maybe shes the one that sends smoke signalsme - well the problem i have with this is what you saidme - you said you needed a little timeme - that's all I'm sayingme - if you just want to chat fineher - whats the rush here, you going somewhere in a hurry?

My game needs work. I learned a lot for that.

Care to say anything about that?______________________CARLOS:Guys, read that first part of his email where the girl says that he was bugging her (i.e., pressuring her), and that she ran from that. This is typical. The Alpha Man has no need to PUSH.

He LEADS.

But this is a great example of a chat situation gone wrong. (Sorry, you knew that already, didn't you?)

What exactly went wrong?

Well, first of all, I realize that Myspace is a stomping ground for a lot of college guys, so chatting on AIM is inevitable. But wherever possible, please get women into the real world as soon as possible. You attempted to do this, but you weren't successful.

Why?

It happened here: "So I tested her and said" Do you need time to think about it?" She said " a little bit"

BOOM! Right there, dude.

What exactly were you testing? If she was ready?

That was the problem. This is not the correct way to test women back. (I cover this in many of my programs. Most recently, the Alpha Conversation program). If you "try the waters" like this, you only make yourself look wimpy and ... well, flaccid.

There's a rule in sales: "When you ask a closing question (to get them to buy), SHUT UP. The first person to speak, loses."

There you go. You lost. You let your insecurity get the better of you. She could have been hesitant, or she could have been reaching for her coke. You let the silence trip you up, and she smelled hot "wuss" right out of the oven.

Everything you said after that just bought right into her frame of control. You sounded defensive and insecure.

Next time you just say, "Give me your number. I need to find out if your voice is one of those high-pitched squeaky kinds that sound like nails on chalkboard. Or do you sound like Ray Charles?"

TEASE TEASE TEASE.Get her so agitated with sexual frustration that she has no choice but to act on it.

If you need to learn more about handling conversation and communication with women, then you need to get a look at my new up & coming program:

Friday, February 09, 2007

It's your sweat, guys...

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- For women, apparently there's nothing like the smell of a man's sweat.

Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley said women who sniffed a chemical found in male sweat experienced elevated levels of an important hormone, along with higher sexual arousal, faster heart rate and other effects.

They said the study, published this week in the Journal of Neuroscience, represents the first direct evidence that people secrete a scent that influences the hormones of the opposite sex.

The study focused on androstadienone, considered a male chemical signal. Previous research had established that a whiff of it affected women's mood, sexual and physiological arousal and brain activation. Its impact on hormones was less clear.

A derivative of testosterone, it is found in male sweat as well as in saliva and semen. It smells somewhat musky.

"It really tells us that a lot of things can be triggered by smelling sweat," Claire Wyart, who led the study, said in an interview on Wednesday.

The researchers measured levels of the hormone cortisol in the saliva of 48 female undergraduates at Berkeley, average age of about 21, after the women took 20 sniffs from a jar of androstadienone. Cortisol is secreted by the body to help maintain proper arousal and sense of well-being, respond to stress and other functions.

Cortisol levels in the women who smelled androstadienone shot up within roughly 15 minutes and stayed elevated for up to an hour. Consistent with previous research, the women also reported improved mood, higher sexual arousal, and had increased blood pressure, heart rate and breathing.

For comparison's sake, women also smelled baking yeast, which did not trigger the same effects.

This was the first time that smelling a specific chemical secreted by people was shown to affect hormonal levels, the researchers said. The women had no skin contact with androstadienone.

The researchers used only heterosexual women in the study out of concern that homosexual women may respond differently to this male chemical.

Wyart said while this marked the first time a specific component of male sweat was demonstrated to influence women's hormones, other components of sweat may do similar things.

The study did not determine whether the increase in cortisol levels triggered mood or arousal changes or whether those changes themselves caused the cortisol elevation.

The researchers also said their findings suggest a better way to stimulate cortisol levels in patients who need it, such as those with Addison's disease. Instead of giving cortisol in pill form, which has side effects such as peptic ulcers, osteoporosis, weight gain and mood disorders, smelling a chemical like androstadienone could be used to affect cortisol levels, they suggested.______________________

CARLOS:

Now don't get all excited and start buying pheromone colognes. First of all, I'm not aware if any of them have this particular chemical in them (I'm pretty sure not.)

Second of all: There are two roads to arousal - the low road (primal) and the high road (intellectual). Guess which one you still have to establish attraction and rapport with to get her interest?

BOTH.

And colognes don't do that ...

But here's something that will. Are you interested in communicating and persuading women more effectively?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Field report - California Alpha Man

Hi Carlos!

... I just had to share this with you. I met this girl on an online dating service, and we went out the other night. Well, we had a really great time, but shared no kiss, just a hug, but I DID NOT ASK HER OUTon a 2nd date, purposely.

The next day morning came and went and then I emailed her in the afternoon (see the actual email from me below) and I still didn’t ask her out, just to see what would happen. Well my friend, she sent me an email back a day later (see the actual email from her as well) and she’s practically begging me to meet her this weekend, this week and/or next weekend.

This has never happened to me before. With holding the request, does work. I still haven’t responded to her email request below, but I defiantly will. I don’t want to sound too eager though, I'd love to see her tonight. But I think I might let the anxiety/ sexual tension grow just a little longer. What do you think?

Check this out:Here’s the email I sent to her the next day (in the afternoon.)______________________Hi L:

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to say hello, and to let you know again that I had a great time last night. Sorry, I wasn't feeling 100%. I think I've been a little under the weather. Any rate, you're a lot of fun to be with, and I definitely think I met my match with your communications skills. :)

take care,

S______________________

(Carlos, this is her reply today)

Hi, S! I hope I have your e-mail address correct...otherwise, I'm sending this to someone else's crappy e-mail. If you'd like, you can e-mail me through this account...although I only use it for the Match e-mails, so you'll be lumped in with all the "Starbucks but I'll think I'll have Tea" guys' e-mails!...or you can send to which is my personal e-mail...and I'll pay much more attention to you! :)

I hope you are feeling better. I couldn't tell that you didn't feel well. Ironically, I also wasn't feeling 100% yesterday, but I'm so glad we both made it. Imagine how much fun we're going to have when we're both in tip top condition!So, speaking of having fun...when would you like to get together again? I have plans with my girlfriends early Friday evening, and I thought about catching up with you afterwards if you are available, but I'm not sure that seeing you after the possibility of a couple of drinks would be such a good idea! So...

... Maybe we can go see the Casino Royale movie. Is it still playing? If not, you've seen it enough times...you can just act it out for me! Or we can go wine tasting, go shop for golf clubs...

Well, this is a lot of information, and I don't even know if this is your e-mail address! Let me know when you've been able to process all my babbling!

L______________________CARLOS COMMENTS:Just a note to the readers: Yes, this is the kind of affect you can have on a woman when you leverage REAL Game attraction principles with a woman.

I would get this all the time. I get women calling me from online services. Here's one that I got from a woman online:______________________Carlos,

I am glad to be done w/the exchange of questions...! I would much rather meet and speak w/you in person! Let me know if you are interested, I can take you to lunch or dinner? There are some great places on S.R. My cell is XXX_XXX_XXXX.

L______________________

Yes, that's real. Yes, she was very attractive. Very slim.

Now, for some guys, this would seem a bit of a miracle - having a woman offer to take HIM out to dinner before she's even MET HIM!But that's how effective you WILL be when you project the right attitude and Alpha Behaviors that women are looking for.

Here's the funny thing that most guys don't realize: When a woman finds a good Alpha Man, she loses all control of her behavior because it is SO rare to encounter. She's used to guys that kiss her butt all over the place, dying to get a piece of her time (and maybe a piece of something else, too.)

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

She's leaving him notes...

Thank you so much for those tips and advice on getting my ex back. I must admit that I got more inner strength to go on after reading these foresighted advices.

However, something prompted my re-writing. When I returned home one evening, I met an envelope hanging on my door. It is supposedly from my ex, who denied sending a written note to me when I phoned her to ask. The note says that she's resolved forever not to marry me but she's being friendly with me because she now views me as a brother. Hence, I shouldn't persist because we are not going to be in any relationship. She also added that she'll not entertain calls from me. Anytime, I display kindness to her, I believe she becomes disturb and send such notes.

The king, please advice me of what to do. How should I handle this current situation? Thank you for your assistance in this way.

Joey______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:

Throw the note away and laugh at her as you sleep warm and happy, knowing that you don’t have this crazy bitch tied to you for the rest of your life - OR (more likely) she takes you for half of everything you own after she hooks up with the pool boy.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Apparently you can go into space, even if you're a psycho chick from
hell...

I just saw this article online this morning.

For those of you that don't think that women can be just as crazy and f****d up as men, I suggest you read this incredible tale of psychopathic stalking and near-abduction.

I thought it was comical.

This woman is a NASA astronaut, guys. She's actually been up in the space shuttle.

______________________ORLANDO, Florida (CNN) -- A judge granted bail Tuesday to a NASA astronaut charged with pepper-spraying a romantic rival before attempting to kidnap her from a parking lot at the Orlando airport.However, warned the judge, Navy Capt. Lisa Marie Nowak is to have no contact with NASA engineer Colleen Shipman and must wear a GPS, or global positioning satellite device, to ensure she does not travel east of Orange County where Shipman lives.The charges against Nowak stem from an alleged love triangle in which Nowak and Shipman were competing for the affections of astronaut Bill Oefelein, police said.The judge emphasized to Nowak that she could not have any contact with Shipman, good or bad. Don't even send flowers to apologize, the judge told her.Col. Steve Lindsey, Nowak's superior and commander of her shuttle mission, testified there was no reason for Nowak to have any contact with Shipman and said the GPS device would not hamper Nowak's work.The judge ordered bail set at $15,500 on three counts.Nowak, a married mother of three, is charged with battery, attempted kidnapping and attempted burglary to a vehicle. She also was initially charged with destruction of evidence, but the judge said he found no probable cause for the charge.Nowak's cuffed hands were shackled to her waist as she stood before the judge. She looked down and remained still during most of the hearing, but shook her head no when prosecutors said she planned to kidnap and harm.Nowak, who flew her first space shuttle mission as a mission specialist aboard Discovery in July, and Shipman were both reported to be "in a relationship" with Oefelein, a Navy commander, according to a police report of the incident. (Watch how police say a NASA love triangle went awry )The 43-year-old Nowak drove almost 1,000 miles from Houston, Texas, to Orlando on Monday to confront Shipman about her alleged relationship with Oefelein, according to a police report.Shipman, an engineer assigned to the 45th Launch Support Squadron at Patrick Air Force Base, was flying the same route, the report said.Nowak wore a diaper during the 14-hour drive so that she wouldn't have to stop for bathroom breaks, the report said. Astronauts wear what NASA calls maximum-absorbency garments to collect their waste during space travel.Shipman told police she arrived at the Orlando International Airport about 1 a.m. and had to wait two hours for her luggage.As Shipman walked to her car she noticed a woman in a trench coat who appeared to be following her, the police report said. She quickly jumped into her car and heard "running footsteps" behind her, Shipman told police.Nowak slapped the window of the car as Shipman locked it, the report said. Nowak then tried to open the car door, saying that her ride had not arrived.Shipman told Nowak she send for help, but when Nowak said she couldn't hear her and started to cry, Shipman cracked her window, the report said. The 2-inch space in the window was all Nowak needed to send pepper spray into the car, police said.Her eyes burning, Shipman drove to a tollbooth and reported the incident.When an officer found Nowak at a bus stop, she was wearing a different coat, and the officer observed her putting items in a trash can, the police report said. The officer retrieved a wig and a BB gun from the trash can, the report said.Police found in Nowak's bag a tan trench coat, a new steel mallet, a folding knife with a 4-inch blade, 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing, large plastic garbage bags and about $600 in cash, the report said.Nowak acknowledged details of Shipman's allegations, according to police, and allowed officers to search her car. There, police found diapers, six latex gloves, directions from Houston to Orlando International Airport, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, a letter indicating how much she loved Oefelein and directions to Shipman's home address in Florida, the report said.Nowak told police she didn't intend to harm Shipman and "that she only wanted to scare Ms. Shipman into talking with her," a police report said. Asked about the BB gun, Nowak told police it "was going to be used to entice Ms. Shipman to talk with her," the report said.According to the report, she told police that her relationship with Oefelein was "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship."Nowak has been an astronaut since 1996. Oefelein, 41, was the pilot of the last shuttle mission, also aboard Discovery, which flew in December.Oefelein would not make any comments through NASA at this time, Johnson Space Center spokeswoman Eileen Hawley. To her knowledge, no one from NASA had spoken with Nowak yet, she said.Two astronauts, Lindsey and Navy Capt. Chris Ferguson, went to Florida to establish contact with Nowak, Hawley said, adding that her status as an active-duty astronaut remains unchanged.______________________Okay. There are obviously a lot of freaky people out there, doing freaky things for love.Even in outer space...

Monday, February 05, 2007

Handling the Ignore from a woman...

Quick Question..

I have notice when a guy says (Its happened to me but more more so in my observations.) hi to a woman and she doesn't respond. Or she turns and looks at him for a second to see who's talking. She see's that he's some loser, and turns back doing what she was doing in the first place.

What have you done, or still do in this situation?...

Thanks

V______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:This is an excellent question, and I'm amazed more guys haven't asked it earlier...

There are several things going on here - and on many different layers.

1) When a guy walks up to a woman, he's communicating himself on many different levels. (Refer to the Approach Woman NOW program for an in-depth discussion of this area.)When he fails to show a woman all of his confidence in the right ways, CONGRUENTLY, she will sense this and immediately turn off.

Sometimes he comes across as a real weenie. Sometimes he's just a little off in his method, and he winds up self-sabotaging. Either way, he's not making a forceful enough statement of his manhood and masculinity to get her attention focused in the right way.

She just sees him as yet another of the 100 guys that will walk up to her today with NO GAME at all, hoping to score a little camel-toe.

2) When a guy walks up to a woman, sometimes she is so tuned into her own reality that she's not open enough to let him in. She will test him as an Alpha Man to see if he's got what it takes to break past that social conditioning and shielding she's using to hold him back.

He's got to really show a little energy and dynamic personality to get her attention.

Sure, it's a hoop, but it's one he's got to creatively jump through before she's going to connect and attune to what's going on.

The key to solving this situation is to have a R.E.A.L. Game method of entering her reality and then pulling her back into yours.

Remember that R.E.A.L. stands for:

Relaxed and ResourcefulEffective and EnergizedAlpha and AuthenticLifestyle and Lasting

You gotta come to this game with more than a faint sense of your own self-worth going in. You will NOT impress a woman if you're coming from that stinkin' thinkin' frame that you've been nurturing all day in front of the computer screen.

You have to break out of the introverted mode and come up with an energized and authentic approach that will COMMAND her attention.

It starts with your attitude of approach. If you go in with the mindset of a guy who is unsure or shaky on his own self-worth, she'll smell it and walk away. (Can you blame her?)

On the other hand, if you go in with the attitude of a guy who KNOWS what he wants, and he KNOWS he's going to make this woman's day, and he doesn't give a crap if she's interested or not - he just KNOWS he has to talk to her, that's the guy that she'll sense and pay attention to.

Don't be fooled into thinking that what a woman is looking at is your looks or your musculature. (Or lack of.)

She's looking to see how confidently you're into this approach. She wants to see a man who knows what he wants - and where he's going.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Some big lessons in attracting women and finding a good woman...

Carlos,I have purchased your Dating Black Book and Approach Women Now cd series. I have to tell you that after reading the book and listening to the CDs I could help but feel like the dorkiest man alive. I have let woman control my emotions and have responded to them instead of them responding to me. I always came off as a needy unconfident pervert!

... I have learned to set standards and not let a woman test me without busting their balls. I hope that if I keep this up I will eventually find a woman that qualifies to be in my life. One big thing too, if a woman sees that I have things going on in my life, the tend to be more interested instead of the bore I used to be. I have the motivation now to follow my dreams and if a woman wants to be part of that then so be it, but have learned not to let a woman pull me off course of where I want to go and do in my life...I have been hanging out with this girl for about three weeks now, I have taken her out to the movies once and cooked her and her friends dinner at my house once, the rest of the time I usually just hang out with her at our mutual friends work.

She did something that really upset me last night and I wanted to ask if I handled it right. I meet her at our friends work and our friend invited me to hang out with them at her aunt’s house. Well, first I got lost on the way there and I asked the girl I am seeing to meet me at a near by store and I will follow her but she told me to call our friend, her friend had to meet me at a store and I followed her. (that upset me)

Then once we got to my friend’s aunt’s house the girl I am seeing completely ignores me. She spent the whole time on the phone with her friend and on the computer. I played two games of pool with my friend’s brother and then left without saying goodbye to the girl I am seeing (Carlos that really pissed me off).

Well the girl I am seeing called me a couple hours later and I told her that she had disrespected me and that I am not a kid anymore. I told her if she doesn’t’ want anything to do with me then tell me now! I told her I don’t date women that disrespect me and that is the first and last time that will happen. She said sorry and blah blah blah.

Please tell me what you think. I have a very open mind. Also she refuses to kiss me on the lips, but will cuddle with me and hold my hand and stuff. Really strange, it’s a challenge!______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, this is going to be a tough pill to swallow, but since you've already gotten on the path to redemption through my programs, I know you'll be able to take it.

First of all, this is a situation that a lot of guys get into. I call it the "wishful thinking" situation.

You think you're seeing her, but she's not really "seeing" you at all. She's keeping you around as a trophy guy that can pump up her value by making her look desirable. You're only going to be in her life as long as it takes for her to find the next guy.

If a woman is into you, she will not refuse to kiss you or give you more affection. And DEFINITELY will not disrespect you by ignoring you.

Don't be confused by the APPEARANCE that she's giving off. Holding hands and cuddling? She can do that with ANYONE. The only true gauge of success with a woman is how much of her heart and soul is she willing to surrender to you. (No, it's not even sex, really. That's just incidental.)

Now the problem happened here because you did not handle this IMMEDIATELY when the situation required attention and management.

You see, it's up to YOU as the man to make sure that she does not push you or test your boundaries this way. However, there is a RIGHT and a WRONG way to handle the situation when it comes up.

At the first indication that she was playing around with you like this, you need to (playfully) bust her chops on it, and then make it clear that you are not going to sit there and accept it. By staying there all that time with her playing with her friend and you playing pool, you were telling her implicitly that it's okay to treat you like this.

The next big mistake is the amount of times you're talking about being "upset." My friend, women do not have the power to upset you. Only YOU can make you upset. This is an emotional reality that not a lot of guys are willing to admit. The reality is that your emotions are COMPLETELY under your control.

You were "upset" because you REACTED to her behavior rather than managing it.

You could stay and play pool and be cool, but you would have to GENUINELY be there for your own fun.

I can BET that you did very little to cover up this "upset" you were experiencing. And she saw it. And she knew she could emotionally control you as a result.

Really, everything that you experienced could have been avoided WAY back at the start.

When?

As soon as you became a "tag along" with her friend to see her. That appears as if you had nothing better to do. And all your talk about "hanging out" with her makes me think that you're not being aggressive enough to make this go forward.

Look, the reality is that she needs to either demonstrate that she's a woman that you can count on to be a loving and caring addition to your life, or ...

NEXT!There is no "hanging around" with women. You need to be showing them an exciting new reality, one that you control, and one that you can bring into her reality by the power of your presence.

You're demonstrating "provider" traits right now, and not enough "attraction" traits. Seriously, dates are for chumps. Take her out to have FUN. Not go see a movie. That just shows a lack of creativity.

You sit for 2 hours in the dark and that's supposed to be romantic? I never understood that.

I don't DATE.

I CREATE.

I create meaningful, fun experiences for women to enjoy with me. And that's why they keep coming back for more.

1. Dump her. It's the best thing for your attitude right now. Really.Besides, she's just not into you. The only way to inspire her interest is to move on and give her a reason to want you again. Only by being out of her grasp again will she remember what it's like to desire you.

2. Start expanding your social circle. You must make your social life more reliable so that you don't feel like you need to fall into someone else's plans. It's fine if you do, after all, hanging with the people you like and have fun with is what life is all about.

HOWEVER, by creating your own social situations, you'll be much more in control and confident, AND you'll be opening yourself to many new alternatives with women. You'll find that you have OPTIONS - which is one of the most important things in a man's life.

3. Be more definite about what it is you want in life right now.

Even when it comes to small things like your free time. Don't accept just "hanging out" unless it's on YOUR terms. The way YOU want it.

Don't be one of the guys out there that just falls into everyone else's plans, and then wonders why women aren't attracted to that directionless attitude.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Comments from a Reader...

Got your last newsletter/email (one about a skeptical nay-sayer ... asking you to spill your educational background to him before he "takes" any of your advice).

I've been doing stand-up comedy for a few months with quite a bit of success and I don't have people in the audience asking for my credentials in the comedic arts! I'm either funny or not funny.

It's the same thing with your product: it either works or it doesn't. And I can say: it does. I might not get laid every weekend from exotic women, but I am much more confident and MUCH more secure in my own skin after purchasing Secrets of the Alpha Man and reading the newsletters on a weekly basis. It's a great escape from the daily grind--to hear the stories of other guys in situations we have all found ourselves in at one time or another.

______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:Yeah, I remember that when I received that email, I felt - at first - challenged, and then oddly amused.

After all, have you seen what kind of luck most of the braniacs out there are having with women?

Not much.

Being an expert on matters of the heart is counter-intuitive to having a DEGREE in that area. Western thinking has always been about "prove yourself with a clever title" rather than "I'll try it and see if it makes sense."

Look, if there's one area a lot of book learning and "logic" will KILL you in, it's learning how to attract women. If you want to find a girlfriend, you'll never do it with rational, logical thinking. In fact, you'll only make yourself angry, bitter, and resentful after a while, because no one in this world (even you, sparky) acts from pure rational thinking. It's NOT human nature.

That's why I wrote my Secrets of the Alpha Man program. To give you a real perspective on improving your life in EVERY way possible. Not fill you with pipe dreams of sleeping with strippers every night, like some guys might.

Your life is in your hands. I'll give you the tools to make your life more confident, happy, and powerful.

Friday, February 02, 2007

No wood? Probably from too much x-box...

Here's an interesting item from Reuter's. 18 Percent of men over the age of 20 have erectile dysfunction. Time to put down the video games and get active, Alpha Men...______________________

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- There's more bad news for those pudgy couch potatoes, junk food junkies and TV devotees -- and this time it really hits them where it hurts.A study published Thursday found that about 18 percent of U.S. men age 20 and up suffer from erectile dysfunction -- and the condition is strongly linked to a sedentary lifestyle of little physical exercise, poor diet and lots of television.Not surprisingly, the condition was most common in older men. But there was a strikingly high prevalence in men with diabetes and high blood pressure."This really means that staying active -- moving more and eating less -- and staying healthy, in addition to being good for your cardiovascular health may also be good for your sexual health," said epidemiologist Elizabeth Selvin of Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, who led the study, in an interview."It's just another reason to get off the couch and exercise," Selvin added.The study in the American Journal of Medicine sought to get a sense of the prevalence of erectile dysfunction, formerly called impotence, in what Selvin called "the post-Viagra era."The U.S. government approved Pfizer Inc.'s Viagra in 1998 as the first pill for erectile dysfunction -- the inability to attain an adequate penile erection for satisfactory sexual activity.The arrival of Viagra not only provided a treatment option, but boosted awareness of the formerly taboo subject and made it more acceptable to discuss.The study estimated that 18.4 percent of U.S. men age 20 and older -- about 18 million -- have the condition. Among those ages 20-39, 5.1 percent had it; ages 40-59, 14.8 percent; ages 60-69, 43.8 percent; and age 70 and older 70.2 percent.Half of the men in the study who had diabetes also had erectile dysfunction. Nearly 90 percent of men with erectile dysfunction had risk factors for cardiovascular disease, including diabetes, high blood pressure, poor cholesterol levels or smoking, the study found.TV watchingMen who watched three or more hours of TV per day were much more likely to have erectile dysfunction than men who watched less than an hour per day. And men with erectile dysfunction were less likely to have done vigorous physical activity in the previous 30 days than other men.Selvin said there are two clear messages from the findings. One is that lifestyle changes -- losing weight, exercising more and eating healthier foods -- may be very effective in warding off erectile dysfunction rather than merely relying on a pill."By making lifestyle changes now, you can prevent this decline in sexual function," Selvin said.The other message, she said, is for doctors to be more aggressive in screening and managing their middle-aged and older patients for this common quality-of-life issue.Selvin and colleagues Arthur Burnett and Elizabeth Platz based their findings on data from 2,126 men who took part in a broad national health and nutrition survey whose participants were representative of the general U.S. population.Men who said they were "never able" or "sometimes able" to maintain an erection were listed as having erectile dysfunction. Those who said they were "always or almost always able" or "usually able" were not.The study was funded by the National Institutes of Health.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

It's Vincent, the man with the Alpha Plan...

My friend Vincent from the UK sent along this little note of Alpha Insight that I thought I'd share:

______________________Hey Carlos

Here's a goodie for your alpha army out there.

I live by a new life time resolution now. " Make your life more compelling than the woman it".

Dont, get me wrong, I love women and my current girlfriend, the point I want to make is having and creating exciting opportunities to improve the quality of your life is an awesome concept. Right now, I am involved in a couple of projects which are very exciting and taking a good chunk of my time. What does this mean, it means that my time is precious and a valuable commodity. Here's the pay off, my girl can't get enough of me, this is awesome power.

To all the Alpha bro's out there, this is the way forward for the 21st century Alpha man, "put your passions first" and watch what happens.