Complaints (mostly) from a DC-expat in Silicon Valley, the land of fruits and nuts

Love it or hate it, you have to admit that “it’s a small world!” is a masterpiece of composition and audio engineering.

Want proof? I’ve taken 26 different audio loops from the attraction, each with different orchestration and arrangement… and combined them all into a single, 48-second track. And believe it or not, it’s not noisy or cacophonous at all!

As you’ve guessed from the… well, eclectic nature of the sounds collected here, I’ve got some unique ringtones on my iPhone. I found them all here and there on the internet, most of them are from the actual owners who’ve posted them in one form or another on the web. So, I’ll share.

The President, First Lady, and Chief of Staff (Martin Sheen, Stockard Channing, John Spencer) from NBC’s “The West Wing” do a little bit of damage to their credibility on this ill-advised selection from a 2001 NBC Christmas CD.

Yet another of NBC’s attempts in the 1980s to create a viable news magazine format, this one was tagged with the unfortunate and lengthy name “Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.” The opening titles led the viewer on a path through history and into the waiting arms of Stone Phillips and Maria Shriver.

One went on to television success, the other faded into obscurity. Here are the themes from the debut of two CBS sitcoms.

Designing Women:

The Famous Teddy Z:

It’s worth noting — especially on the “Designing Women” theme — how the first years of stereo television broadcasts were marked by hyper-exaggerated stereo separation; much as the first color broadcasts feature hyper-real primary colors. Listen to these with headphones.

Bet you don’t remember either of these sitcoms on NBC — especially “The Nutt House,” a hotel-based comedy (barely) which was produced by Mel Brooks and starred his usual troupe of characters including Harvey Korman and Cloris Leachman…

This one is both interminably annoying and yet useful. It’s a whopping fifteen minutes of looping, spangly stock music for the background of public television pledge breaks. Used for years on end by Maryland Public Television among others, it is likely to induce a bit of stupor and flashbacks of tote bags and mugs. You have been warned.

Back when America Online first debuted in the UK — yes, that’s what they called it — a few patches were made to the software. These five files are the “You’ve Got Mail” voice for the UK AOL, the dulcet tones of the posh Joanna Lumley.

In honor of the late, lamented, hilarious John Inman, a short sample of his wonderful character Mr. Humphries, courtesy of an obscure novelty record. This single actually debuted at #40 on the UK charts on November 1, 1975! It later peaked at 39.