03 April 2008

There was a transit strike back in 1980. It lasted 11 days. That's when it all started.

Since many people had no choice but to walk to work some people, mainly women, started wearing sneakers in lieu of their designer heels so they wouldn't roll an ankle during their rush hour treks. Fair enough.

Tragically after the strike was over the look stuck and women still rock the white Reeboks with their horrid nude pantyhose and tan trenchcoats in 2008. It's a god awful look that has, very unfortunately, come to be widely accepted nearly 30 years after the great transit strike of 1980.

I understand its origin and I suppose I can't argue with it as a woman in five inch heels darting down Park Avenue is dangerous and I'm sure rather uncomfortable. So, fine. Whatever. I can't change that look now. It's too far gone and sadly too standard. Though it will never ever be fashionable.

However, a man wearing a suit with sneakers remains an awful look. It's downright fucking horrible and completely unnecessary. Yet a lot of guys do it. I'm here to let it be known: YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING CLOWN.

Dudes in black, hemmed suit pants with sweet white cross-trainers look revolting. You look like you need a handler and a safety helmet. You look like you rode the short bus to work and licked the window the entire way. You are a danger to yourself as well as others.

Dudes in black, hemmed suit pants with sweet white cross-trainers look horrible. You look powerless. You look like your little tootsies hurt too much to wear your leather lace-ups the extra few blocks. It's not a good look. Go the extra mile. Be a man about it.

TAKE THE FUCKING SNEAKERS OFF!!!!!!!

If your dress shoes are that uncomfortable then its time for a new pair (of balls). Buy something expensive this time. Throw out those Paylessfauxlligator loafers. Theres a reason some shoes cost 2,3,4,5,600+ dollars. They'll last forever, they're comfortable and thats what you're supposed to wear with a fucking suit!

Women wear the sneakers because its safer than heels and I guess they can walk to work faster. (Why anyone in their right mind would wanna run to work I have no clue, but thats beside the point. Maybe they have awesome jobs. Lets run with that.)

But men have absolutely no excuse. Take the sneakers off, you look like a fucking fool. You look worse than Ellen DeGenerate dancing in the elevator or down the aisle on her talk show.

Next week we'll tackle dolts who wear Converse All-Stars with their wedding tuxedos. It's not ironic. It's just stupid.