QUESTION: Due to a prostatectomy my erections are not so reliable and hard anymore. Do you have any suggestions how my wife and I can practice tantric sex?

ANSWER: In tantric lovemaking, an erection is not necessary. There are many ways that you can enjoy your sexual connection in a tantric way, but I would like to talk particularly about the “soft-on”.

This method of “soft entry” is a powerful and very relaxed way to be intimate with your wife. In this practice you lie together in a scissors position, and when you both feel ready, she puts your vajra inside her yoni. She may have to adjust the position slightly so that she can “hold on” to your vajra with her yoni by squeezing her PC muscles. This can be very pleasant for you, too!

In this form of lovemaking, your vajra, can become what we call “the healing wand of light”, a powerful healer. In which way, you might wonder. Usually, in lovemaking there are a lot of friction-type movements, and rarely are the genitals together in a relaxed way. By bringing relaxed energy into the lovemaking in this way, deep healing is possible for both of you as the genitals and surrounding tissue become very sensitive and feel more. You will feel empowered and very susceptible to any form of energy.

In my early 30-ties I had a lover who made love with me only in this way. In the beginning the concept was very foreign and baffling to me, and I found it difficult to adjust, so ingrained was it into my sexual expression that the penis has to be hard. However, he persisted with his way, and eventually, after about four weeks, I had the most amazing orgasmic experience. Definitely one of the Top 10 Orgasms of my life! And it repeated itself many times afterwards.

I believe that the continued relaxation and heightened sensitivity became a conduit for the ecstatic, orgasmic energy to release itself in ways that I had never experienced before. He experienced his sexual energy in new ways, and by using breath, movement, sound and intense presence, the connection became very intimate and our sexual activities completely satisfying.

If you would like to learn more about this, I recommend you read “Making Love” by Barry Long, the late Australian Tantric master who I have had the great pleasure to study with. It will give you a whole new perspective of being a lover – for yourself, and with your wife!