Oh, these kooks! I missed them so much! Having Britney/K-Fed drama back in my news feed isn't quite as magical as Britney/Justin/double-denim formal-wear drama, but it's still like a warm, cozy tongue kiss from the Holy Spirit or whatever. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! And this shit is particularly good. K-Fed's brother Christopher Federline (a.k.a. Chederline) says that he banged Britney back in the early-whenevers, but didn't want anyone to ever know because he is noble and pure of heart. Until a few weeks ago, at which time, he claims, Britney stole his credit card and used it to buy $4,500 of Archie comics (!!!), then told him he had a small penis and threatened to alert the world about their historic bangathon. "This will not stand," shouted Chederline to an indifferent gray sky! And so...

In the papers, Christopher claims that Spears pocketed his Capital One credit card after finding it on Federline's coffee table while swinging by to pick up Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Spears, 31, then allegedly used his credit card to buy $4,569.02 worth of Archie and Betty Boop comics, as well as issues of Mad Magazine for the boys.

When he reached out to Spears to dispute the charges, she "laughed at me and told me my brother Kevin ruined her life," "told me I have a small penis, she also blackmailed me and told me if I tell the police that she stole my credit card that she will tell the world I'm the true father of Sean Preston, not Kevin," Christopher added.

Though Federline's brother claimed to have slept with Spears, he said that he sought a restraining order from the singer because "the public does not need to know."

Quelle horreur! Jessica Simpson will NOT be doing Weight Watchers during her second gestation:

"[She] will not be following the program during the pregnancy while her weight and well-being is monitored by her obstetrician, as is recommended for any woman during pregnancy," the company's statement noted. "After she gives birth, Simpson and her doctor will decide when she should resume following the Weight Watchers program."

However, Jessica's "Expect Amazing" ad campaign for the weight loss program - which was shot after giving birth to daughter Maxwell back in May and prior to getting pregnant with her second child — will run as planned.

In fact, one of the ads includes Jessica announcing her second pregnancy.

"This year is all about new beginnings for me. I lost over 50 pounds on Weight Watchers and did not have to be perfect to do it. Being healthy has become a part of who I am, which is great timing because I'm having another baby," Jessica says in the new spot. "I feel like I'm on top of the world!"

A judge has dismissed a $20 million extortion countersuit that Jennifer Lopez filed against her former driver, who is currently suing her for wrongful termination:

In a lawsuit filed April 30, 2012 against Lopez, Nuyorican Productions and her manager Benny Medina, Hakob Manoukian alleged he was hired to be the superstar's full-time driver, but the defendants failed to pay him his previously agreed upon yearly salary of $72,000.

...However, Manoukian said he was unfairly demoted to being an "L.A. driver" after Medina humiliated him in public during a job in Atlanta, and then unceremoniously dumped him in September 2011 without receiving the promised production pay or any overtime compensation.

In conclusion I would just like to say that it isn't a bra, it's a bustier. [E!]

Demi Lovato went to IHOP for Christmas dinner, which is obviously hella adorable.

The singer-songwriter-who sought treatment two years ago for emotional and physical issues-also couldn't contain her excitement as she enjoyed a healthy and happy holiday with a newfound outlook on life.

"I don't know what's better...Being healthy and really happy, or people noticing how healthy and really happy you are?" she gushed. "It's just surreal. I never knew this kind of happiness existed. Cherishing this moment...So thankful for recovery. God is good."

And the stronger-than-ever star didn't stop there: "It's just an incredible feeling when people who haven't seen in a while tell you 'You look so happy'.. well, I'm glad it shows!!"

I totally like her. Not in an "I'm going to buy your products and/or pay much attention to the stuff that you do" kind of way, but in an "your existence is pleasing to me" kind of way. [E!]