Six Things We Learned About Periods From Temple’s Student Newspaper

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Philadelphia college student John Corrigan ended his tenure as the Temple University News’ male dating columnist — and probably his current relationship — with a bang today. The topic? Periods. “No one prepares guys for how to handle their ladies’ menstrual cycle,” he wrote. Including Corrigan. Herewith, the six most surprising things we learned about our bodies from the college columnist.

1. Periods make men civic-minded:

“And now, I pray for jury duty every 28 days hoping that the trial length rivals O.J. Simpson’s.”

2. Periods are based on Pokemon.

“Imagine Sandshrew digging in your nether regions like the mini game in Pokemon Stadium.”

3. Periods makes women angry. Anger defines their abdominal muscles.

“Although it is not scientifically proven, women can maximize their mean streak during the menstrual cycle. If you thought forgetting your anniversary was forgiven after last month’s argument, you’re about to learn what motivated those recent abs.”

4. Periods are misleadingly named.

“They call it a period, but an exclamation point is more appropriate.”

5. The pain of periods is mediated only by the privilege of yoga.

“Is attending yoga free of judgment really worth all of the pain that comes with being a woman? Maybe Chaz Bono had the right idea.”

6. Periods make women and men enemies.

“Accept that you will be automatically loathed simply because you are a man. You will repeatedly hear that you don’t know how it feels — you don’t have a vagina and she will basically blame you for having a Y chromosome.”