Tom Martin: Hoping Curious George doesn’t belt the monster

My family is but an inkling of an owl away from Halloween costume nirvana ... Or, at least avoiding a costume calamity.

Tom Martin

My family is but an inkling of an owl away from Halloween costume nirvana ... Or, at least avoiding a costume calamity.

It takes skill and effort to convince a toddler what to wear on Halloween. Oh, we asked our toddler son, Jay, plenty of times, and he came up ideas such as ghost and pumpkin. Meanwhile, the wizard of costume, my wife, was pulling levers behind the curtain to find the perfect Halloween costumes for our two sons.

Sharon knows she has only a few more years of picking cute costumes — things furry and unbloody — before Jay, nearly 3, wants to be Hannibal Lecter. (Note to self, the child psycho killer butcher costume is on sale for $26. Could be an investment in our Halloween future.)

We’ve had plenty of strife during Jay’s first two Halloweens. The first year, my wife longed for a bumblebee costume, but all the good ones were the wrong size or sold out. Jay went as a cow. Then last year, we tried again as a bumblebee but defaulted to a headless lion, i.e. a tan animal.

My son decided the headgear, which is a vital piece of attire for a lion, was not in his plans. Wear it he would not. My wife made me force it onto his head to get a picture for the scrapbook. Instead, the photo looks more like evidence for DCFS.

This year we eventually decided on a monkey costume for Jay. This would not be just any monkey. Jay likes Curious George, so we figured it’d be an easy sell. At first, though, when I brought up his being Curious George for Halloween, he’d say he’d rather WATCH said monkey than BE said monkey. Yet, my wife and I were able to convince Jay that being Curious George could be fun as well.

Then there was the matter of how to dress our younger son, Finn, who is 6 months old. Sharon anticipated that Jay would want to be whatever Finn was — he’s convinced Finn’s grass is perpetually greener. For this reason, Sharon figured they’d have to be the same thing. That was until she landed on the monkey/banana solution. Finn would be a banana. Jay surely couldn’t choose a banana over a monkey, and Finn, though no one asked, would be happy to play the role. It was a good gamble. Both costumes arrived and not once has Jay longed to be the fruit.

So, we were all set until Sharon brought up the question of what WE would wear on Halloween night. Something laundered and warm, I figured. She explained how Jay would probably enjoy it if we dressed up. And before that conversation ended, my wife suggested I dress as George’s owner, the Man With the Yellow Hat.

He seems nice enough, but the guy looks in his 40s, wears all yellow and lives with a monkey. I’ll pass. Luckily, Jay hasn’t asked me to do this.

He suggested I be a monster, which is more down my avenue.

“A monster, huh?” I said.

“And then I’m going to hit you in the face,” Jay said.

I nearly buckled at the thought. Jay’s not exactly Amish, but he’s never talked about hitting people, or even monsters, in the face.

Sharon thinks he heard it on the radio. (Thanks, Pink. We owe you one.)

“No. Don’t hit the monster in the face,” I warned.

“Pleeeeease,” he begged.

No one has ever pleaded to sock me in the mouth, but his manners were refreshingly civilized for such a barbaric act.

Before monster, Jay had wanted me to be the neighbor’s dog.

Still, that’s easier than my wife’s orders to be Jay’s day care teacher, Miss Stacey. I don’t think even the Wal-Mart Supercenter carries Miss Stacey masks. Jay also suggested Sharon be French toast, which I thought was a splendid idea. And it’s better than being a can of bug spray or a ceiling fan (anything is possible with a toddler).

But then came the twist. Six days before trick or treat night, Jay said he’d rather be an owl than a monkey. It appears we still have some work to do.

So if you happen to see a suppressed monkey, who longs to be an owl, walking the streets with a happy banana, French toast and a monster nursing a black eye, it just might be Halloween on our street.

Tom Martin is editor of The Register-Mail in Galesburg. Contact him at tmartin@register-mail.com or 343-7181, Ext. 250.