Sexologist Catherine Blanc on Threesomes

Catherine Blanc

Are threesomes more common now?

In fact, only a small number of people have tried out a threesome(Editor: only 16% of British people - source: Durex 2009 Great British Sex Survey).

Are theesomes normal?

We live in an extremely exhibitionist society that shapes us to an extent and imposes what "normal" is.

People who are trying to find themselves by looking externally rather than internally (particularly teenagers who are in the process of constructing their sexuality and identity) are more susceptible to being influenced by media images promoting threesomes. This "normalizes" it to an extent.

It's also easier for people to clear themselves of responsibilty for their actions: "I'm only applying the model that I've been shown".

What's the big turn-on with threesomes?

In an arrangement with two men and one woman, the man with a voyeuristic side will be turned on by the idea of rivalry with the other man, whereas the woman will have the satisfaction of being wanted by everyone involved!

In an arrangement with one man and two women, the man will be delighted to be pleasured by two women and turned on watching them getting it on together.

What's more, he'll feel all powerful when he intervenes with the "extra toy" he has between his legs which no one else has! As for the woman, it will allow her to live out a lesbian fantasy which may be subconscious or not.

Can a threesome increase a couple's sexual fulfillment?

It's not an act that plays a part in a couple's sexual fulfillment. It's up to the individuals themselves to make their sexuality their own and find what works for them together.

There are couples who make love in the same position all their lives and are very satisfied, more so than some who have tried everything that's on offer...

To turn this fantasy into a reality, are there rules to respect?

It's a decision that certainly shouldn't be taken lightly; it's very important answer some questions first - and be honest!

- Are you going to do any good or any harm to yourself and your relationship by having a threesome?

- Are you doing it for yourself or to please someone else?

- Are you the one who's joining the couple? Or do you make up the couple and in this case, what's the role of the 3rd person who's joining your couple? Stranger? Friend?

- Would you be able to cope afterwards... with your partner? with the 3rd person? or with the couple you've had the threesome with?

- Would you be able to deal with the repercussions if people started talking about it (particularly in the case of an evening among friends that gets out of hand)?

What risks do you take when having a threesome?

I don't like to talk about "risks", sexuality shouldn't be seen as something that's full of dangers! What's more, there's no moral judgment to pass: anything is possible as long as people know what they're doing and respect themselves and each other.

But you need to be careful if one of you has low self-esteem and/or a negative image of themself. The more negative the image, the more likely the person is to be overlooked during the act.

Wanting to please your partner by accepting another woman into the bedroom can give you the impression that you're a "strong" woman, whereas it doesn't change anything at all about who you really are.

And the after-effects can be catastrophic, people can be shocked by what they've done and the image they have of themselves. Besides that, the quest to satisfy your partner or yourself can escalate, creating a situation where you're never satisfied.

What about protection?

It's still important and in fact even more so to wear a condom when engaging in a threesome.

A new condom must be used for each partner to prevent cross contamination. Even if you and your partner are safe, the third person may not be. Don't take any risks!