Sunday, July 11, 2010

Another blast from the past as I regurgitate a critique based on a film I saw after paneling a radio show where we were briefly sidetracked to softcore pron.I'm not sure if that little blurb was as informative as intended, but who cares, really.Also, please forgive the lack of screencaps. I went to all my sources and there were none to be found! My apologies.So, I present to you, my intrepid readers, from KarmaCritic circa May 2008---

Not too long ago, one of our Karma-discussions quickly glazed over porn and its storyline deficiencies. It was a topic as quickly forgotten as it was talked about, and we moved on. Then, it was as if fate had intervened, for I stumbled across Mummy's Kiss: 2nd Dynasty. As I sat in bed, lube in hand, a revelation occurred; this erotic lez-fest had a pretty tight story going for it. So strong was the story, that I almost lost my wood as I was riveted by the plot (!). I said almost...

Our villain is eeeeeviiiiiil museum curator, Dr. Zita Furneaux (Wyote) who's getting ready to unveil the museum's latest exhibit, a mummy (hence the film's title). Nguyen plays investigative tabloid reporter Elyse Lam, on assignment to cover the museum's newest resident, but suspects something is fishy. It turns out her nose for news is on target, as eeeeeviiiiil Dr. Furneaux has discovered the secret to eternal youth, with some help from long dead Egyptian goddess, Neffer-Titty (Burke). I'm sure I'm mis-spelling that, as the name is almost unpronounceable, even by those with script in hand, not to mention difficult to spell. So for our purposes, let's call her Neffer-Titty.

Neffer-Titty confides in Dr. Furneaux that if she obtain people's "tam," (or life-spirit, I guess) she will reverse the aging process, which is just what the doctor ordered for eeeeviiiil Dr. Furneaux, as she finds herself smack-dab in the middle of a mid-life crisis. Neffer-Titty grants her the power to control the now revived mummy by way of a sacred amulet (you just knew there would be an amulet eventually in this flick). So the mummy goes out to kidnap young ladies, bring them to the museum, where Furneaux takes their tam through lesbian sex. (yay!) But eeeeviiiil Dr. Furneaux gets power-drunk and a bit too big for her own britches as she starts to see herself as a goddess. This doesn't sit well with Neffer-Titty, as she is a goddess who doesn't like to share the spotlight.

Meanwhile, Lam's investigation of the missing girls leads her to the museum, where she's caught by the mummy and engages in a four-way lesbian orgy with Furneaux's freshly-squeezed, tam-free handmaidens as the good doctor looks on. Pretty riveting stuff, no? Well hold on a sec...

After all, this is softcore porn and the script isn't exactly perfect, maybe not as strong as I'm building it up to be. Where Glut's script is strong in story and to a degree, even conveyance, his dialogue is surprisingly shoddy. Not surprising for a skinflick, but considering how good the story is, it seems odd that Glut would suddenly turn lazy when it came to speeches. I mean, Nguyen's Lam says and does things we all know an investigative reporter wouldn't say or do, and a lot of it doesn't really help the story as plot points. In fact, Nguyen's character really does nothing to resolve the conflict. She's just there as a topless Playboy playmate, and even though she does light a small fire under Furneaux's ass (to add a little tension, I suppose) eeeviiil Dr. Furneaux gets her come-uppins by way of a vengeful Neffer-Titty and the mummy as a recently tam-relieved Nguyen lies comatose on an altar.

Oh well, so it's not all roses. But now, some more good stuff.

The special effects are way cool. The mummy makeup is effectively creepy in night shots, and in light, it's not goofy at all. Very nice. And, Furneaux's transformations from old to young as she acquires more tam is very well done. In a nutshell, there's nothing cheesy at all about the fx, so visually speaking, this film is much better than the average softcore erotica.

As for performances, Wyote is a bit over-the-top for my taste, even as a villianess. And as I said before, Nguyen is just sort of there as eye-candy, but she delivers her weak dialogue about as well as can be expected with bad material. Neffer-Titty and the handmaidens are portrayed no different than you would expect in a film like this; topless and monotone, but not bad enough to ruin the film as a whole.

So I guess I recommend this film. Even if softcore isn't your cup of tea, rent this film, grab your significant other (or a bottle of lube) and have a little fun.