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Once upon a midnight brandy, while I pondered, hot and randy,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of diverse hardcore,
It was really not surprising, as I started fantasizing,
That I felt my cock a-rising, rising like a giant spore.
"It is stiffening,' I muttered, "rising like a giant spore-
This hard-on I can't ignore."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And my stiff and throbbing member cast its shadow on the floor,
Eagerly I wished a harlot; dreamed I of a naked starlet
And of lilac-scented Charlotte Smith who used to live next door;
Of a sweet and radiant maiden, of a dirty smutty whore-
All of those I would adore.

And by now my full erection, simply begging for affection
Bulged - divulged to me that if I left my pants on 'twould be sore;
So I got to the unzipping of my pants, I kept on stripping,
And the air was rather nipping, standing naked on the floor.
Then I grabbed my penis knowing that I couldn't wait no more,
"I must get on with this chore".

And without any debating, I embarked on masturbating-
Wanking hither, yanking thither, with my thumb and fingers four;
With some oil for lubrication, and two hands for more sensation,
Soon I gave in to temptation, standing on the hardwood floor.
I would soon eject my semen all across the hardwood floor,
Maybe get some on the drawer.

I had almost churned my butter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door-
Perched upon a bust of Phallus just above my chamber door-
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my amazement into smiling,
By the very strange decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though you quite enjoy to wank," it said, "now let us both be frank;
In the end I think you'll thank me and be glad for this rapport.
I can bring to life your fantasies, your fantasies galore,
Who could really ask for more?"

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
And I wondered at what further magic this rum raven bore;
I said, "I fear you are quixotic, for my fancies, though erotic,
Are a little more exotic than the ones you heard before-
Just a little more psychotic than the ones you heard before.
Will you still step to the fore?"

But this rummy corvus corax, as unmoving as estate tax,
Simply breathed a single sound that sounded faintly like a snore,
And with just one feather flapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"This cannot be all my fancies tapping at my chamber door.
'Tis a dream and nothing more."

My expected excitation didn't mar my fascination
At the hot and sexy group that to my room began to pour.
Every fantasy and dream, from the mild to the extreme,
Every topic, every theme, came in through my chamber door.
Every fetish that I ever dreamed came through my chamber door,
Who could really ask for more?

Then some people started fucking, and some others started sucking
In a mass of bodies writhing all about my chamber floor.
It was such an exhibition, with no trace of inhibition
And erotic erudition seeping through their every pore,
Doing everything I ever dared to dream about and more.
Oh, sincerely, so much more.

There was one girl wearing leather masturbating with a feather,
And a woman getting ass-rimmed by a man she knelt before,
And another girl fellating just some guy that she was dating,
While a pregnant girl, lactating, licked the pantyhose she wore,
And a teenage slut proclaiming, "Come and fuck me, I'm a whore."
There was that and so much more.

There were two asiatic she-boys pleasuring each other with toys,
While a curious young virgin tried her body to explore:
She was wearing a bikini, and, while sipping a martini,
She inserted a zucchini in a place so pure before,
Then a dildo, then a carrot in that place so pure before.
Pure it would be nevermore.

There was one dark goth chick twisting her own pierced nipples while fisting
A tight-bottomed crew-cut soldier from the US marine corps.
And a mistress with a D-cup took a cigarette and lit up,
While her man-bitch, who was tied up, let her spank him with an oar.
And she fiercely whacked his bottom 'till it was all red and sore,
Even then he begged for more.

A small-breasted girl was kissing a Latina who was pissing
On a midget who was eating Jenny from the candy store;
And a blonde was pulling beads from a hot naughty nurse's tight bum,
While her plump redheaded mum was getting stuffed in the back door,
And a lonely horny housewife wore high heels and nothing more.
Just high heels and nothing more.

And a schoolgirl wearing braces, bending down to tie her laces,
Let you get a peek of the white cotton panties that she wore.
And a nun - a true believer, with a really hairy beaver,
Got it on with a retriever, an impressive labrador;
And a girl was fucking tentacles washed up some alien shore.
Who could really ask for more?

Due to all this excitation and my obvious elation,
I had totally forgotten that I still was, like before,
With my hand around my man stick, rubbing up and down my Old Nick-
Wouldn't take a magic trick for me to drizzle on the floor.
Sure enough, within a second I was raining on the floor.
Even got some on the drawer.

When I regained my composure, I just stared at my enclosure-
It was vacant as a desert island's long abandoned shore.
Was it my imagination? There was just no indication
Of the orgy of temptation that was there a sec before;
Just a single night-black feather lying on my hardwood floor-
Just a feather, nothing more.

There were a lot of things we couldn’t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact.

People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment.

It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plan in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet.

I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldn’t match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury. Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace.

We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied:

November Charlie 175, I’m showing you at ninety knots on the ground.

Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the “ HoustonCentervoice.” I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this country’s space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houstoncontrollers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that… and that they basically did. And it didn’t matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios.

Just moments after the Cessna’s inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his groundspeed.

in Beach.

I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed.

Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren.

Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios.

Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check

Before Center could reply, I’m thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol’ Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He’s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet.

And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion:

Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground.

And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done – in mere seconds we’ll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now.

I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn. Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet.

Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke:

Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check?

There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request.

Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground.

I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice:

Ah, Center, much thanks,

We’re showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money.

For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the HoustonCentervoice, when L.A.came back with,

Roger that Aspen,

Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours.

You boys have a good one.

It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine day’s work.

We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast. For just one day, it truly was fun being the fastest guys out there.

As a former SR-71 pilot, and a professional keynote speaker, the question I’m most often asked is “How fast would that SR-71 fly?” I can be assured of hearing that question several times at any event I attend. It’s an interesting question, given the aircraft’s proclivity for speed, but there really isn’t one number to give, as the jet would always give you a little more speed if you wanted it to. It was common to see 35 miles a minute. Because we flew a programmed Mach number on most missions, and never wanted to harm the plane in any way, we never let it run out to any limits of temperature or speed. Thus, each SR-71 pilot had his own individual “high” speed that he saw at some point on some mission. I saw mine over Libya when Khadafy fired two missiles my way, and max power was in order. Let’s just say that the plane truly loved speed and effortlessly took us to Mach numbers we hadn’t previously seen.

So it was with great surprise, when at the end of one of my presentations, someone asked, “What was the slowest you ever flew in the Blackbird?” This was a first. After giving it some thought, I was reminded of a story that I had never shared before, and relayed the following.

I was flying the SR-71 out of RAF Mildenhall, England, with my back-seater, Walt Watson; we were returning from a mission over Europe and the Iron Curtain when we received a radio transmission from home base. As we scooted across Denmark in three minutes, we learned that a small RAF base in the English countryside had requested an SR-71 flypast. The air cadet commander there was a former Blackbird pilot, and thought it would be a motivating moment for the young lads to see the mighty SR-71 perform a low approach. No problem, we were happy to do it. After a quick aerial refueling over the North Sea, we proceeded to find the small airfield.

Walter had a myriad of sophisticated navigation equipment in the back seat, and began to vector me toward the field. Descending to subsonic speeds, we found ourselves over a densely wooded area in a slight haze. Like most former WWII British airfields, the one we were looking for had a small tower and little surrounding infrastructure. Walter told me we were close and that I should be able to see the field, but I saw nothing. Nothing but trees as far as I could see in the haze. We got a little lower, and I pulled the throttles back from the 325 knots we were at. With the gear up, anything under 275 was just uncomfortable. Walt said we were practically over the field—yet, there was nothing in my windscreen. I banked the jet and started a gentle circling maneuver in hopes of picking up anything that looked like a field.

Weight fluctuations due to body fat in general have a lot more to do with what/how much you eat than activity. Though, keeping busy can keep you from eating because you’re bored, and it’s been suggested that some people will naturally start eating better if they start doing consistent, structured (ie. walking 3x every week, a weight-lifting routine...) exercise. The exercise itself has a lot less to do with fat gain or loss, though.

I feel like a common misconception about losing weight in general is that it'll be okay to eat unhealthy again once you've slimmed down. When people talk about going on a diet to lose weight, they're usually thinking temporary until the weight is gone. Eating and exercise habits need to change for good if you want to be dedicated to your health, it's not easy either. This stuff is all very hard but people really want something easy.

This is where I have failed many times. I am by no means overweight. Just on the far end of healthy and would rather rest I the lower end. I'd tried so many diets and I was always tempted and broken by good unhealthy food. This recent time I've been at it like almost 3 months and lost 13lbs (just 17 more to go). All I did was eat less. I was eating way more than I needed. I still eat my favourite foods and fast food... I'm just smart about how much I eat.

I don't need 2 cups of rice when one does just fine. I don't need an entire chicken breast when I can eat 1/3. I find I have less painful gas, less violent intestinal issues, and all over less feeling shitty about myself... While still getting to eat the stuff I love. I had to sacrifice some things but when I'm watching my eating I know when I can allow myself a small treat and I know how to stop myself and delay gratification.

You make good points, I feel it is much deeper than that though. I'm a big person but usually weight gain happens for a variety of reasons. You can lose the weight, but at some point you need to confront the reason big people like me overeat. Everyone has their own reason, you just have to find it and learn healther reactions to your stressor.

Taco Bell actually has some of the healthiest stuff you can get in a drivethru, they just don't advertise it. They have vegetarian options and you can order your food "fresco style" where they replace high fat ingredients like cheese and sour cream with pico de gallo.

If it makes you feel any better I am 100 lbs down after my THIRD time losing it. You have to change your relationship with food. It is fuel. When you rely on it as an emotional support then the yo-yo weight loss/gain occurs. I started counselling and working hard on improving my mental health and it has helped me reshape my relationship with food. I hope you have success in your future weight loss.

I diet seems like a temporary change, but a lifestyle change seems much more permanent. Waking up one day and saying, I am someone who eats healthy and exersizes. I think the hardest part is when some fucked up thing happens out of the blue.

This resonated with me as a person slowly putting back on childhood obesity weight whilst dealing with other addictions.
Had to laugh at the term "fast death joints", addressing them as such will help me steer me away from them and if not, maybe just remind me that being your best/healthiest/fittest self can take a couple tries.

Good luck this time around fam! Maybe try focusing on gaining muscle mass to allow for a little bit of an indulgent higher calorie intake, just my 2 cents.

Don't be hard on yourself. Sure, eating at Taco Bell didn't help, but studies have shown that just maintaining major weight loss is extremely hard. You basically have to keep dieting and exercising all the time, and it's exhausting. I lost 140, and gained back about 90 of it, and it's so hard to get back on the wagon.

As for the fast food, it triggers pleasure and addiction centers in your brain, so once you eat a little, you start eating more and more. You have to just refuse to go near any of those places, no matter how hungry or tired or depressed you are. I quit smoking, and I have nightmares where I go to have one at a party and all of a sudden I'm up to a pack a day. It's the same with that crap food. I won't set foot in one any more, it's just too tempting.

I’m married to a guy who has struggled with his relationship to food and usually eats fast food regularly. I’ve never struggled with food or my weight so it’s been a wild ride to watch. He’s finally lost 25 pounds or so on keto and I’m so proud of him.

I know you can do it too. You know what knocks you off your healthy eating, so do your absolute best to avoid it and not even let yourself consider it as an option. It’s so worth it to be at a healthy weight. Being obese is no life, as you know since you have yo-yoed. I’m rooting for you so hard. Can’t wait to see you on progress pics when you hit your goal weight! ;)

I do this too, I'll yo-yo like a fucking Grand Master. I've been as light as 165 and as heavy as 240. My goal is right around 180, since over the past eight months or so I've been lifting like a mad man. Last summer I was around 175ish and looking pretty cut, then put on around 15 over winter. Not proud about it but I'm glad I caught myself now and not 40 pounds heavier.

OK one more thing - it is a program where you don't need to exercise, which is difficult for many people. Since in this method, you aren't burning calories off, but rather not putting them in in the first place, and the body's natural metabolism does the rest.

They're just saying that there's a subreddit that is more specific to the type of picture you posted.
r/progresspics is the place. Btw great job and keep up the good work! Weight loss is not an easy thing but you sure are kicking its ass 🙂

You're better off starting a more strictly moderated picture sub and directing people there, or starting a campaign to get the moderators to be more strict. This sub has 18 million people now, and posts like this get tons of upvotes... they aren't going to stop.

I STILL TO THIS DAY go back and read some of those comments. Thanks reddit!

Additional updates:
- Now a graduate student.
- Completed an amazing internship.
- Headed overseas this summer for an international immersion through my college of business.
- Amazing family and friends that I see regularly instead of hiding from because of depression.
- I’m in multiple honor societies and service organizations.
- HAPPY!

What you said above, about still reading comments from four years ago, that's something a lot of us probably don't consider; just how powerfully our words can affect someone. Every time I see a post where people become fighters, it feels like we're all making progress. You are definitely inspiring!

I know how little this might mean coming from an internet stranger but reading that made me so happy for you and although all I know about you is your post 4 years ago and this post, your positive attitude and appreciation for the value of hard work make me think that you'll do very great things in the future. Taking the first steps towards your goals can be so daunting that it may seem impossible but if your post shows even one person that it's possible to reach their goals then the world will be better off.

Self loathing is such a crippler. It fuels a f**k it mentality that feeds all sorts of mental issues. As someone who has had depression in the past I'm hyper aware of the sings. Contratz on digging yourself out of the cycle, the way up is a great feeling, it can be addictive in its own way, but the pull of temptation to fall back in is always lurking.

Looks like you have it under control, my own experience taught me to be always on the look out for self pity. It was the the excuse I used to revel in my own despair and I live very unhealthy. Once conquered I was much happier.

Hey, kudos to you. It takes a lot to see that negative energy within one's self, and more to admit it out loud and change it. That's amazing. I'm so sorry about your accident, and how you're feeling these days. I really hope things get better for you.

I was in a car accident 3 years ago, and it caused me to miscarry. I have been in an awful mental state ever since, and i gained a ton of weight. A month ago i joined a gym, and to my shock I LOVE it. I hope you're able to find something that you really enjoy too. I know people say this a lot, but if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here. Cheers.

Thanks everyone for the support and thanks to the trolls and haters too, because I’ve never had anyone talk crap about my weight before (to my face) so y’all have done a great job reminding me that I have awesome friends and family!

I say this in hopes to keep you on track even though it may sound like I'm being discouraging.

You should be extremely proud in making such a huge change. It's not easy. You should take all the praise to heart and use it as motivation to keep you going.

But you should also keep in mind that it will only get harder from here on out. You're experiencing "beginner gains", and even though making the decision to make a change is often the biggest hurdle that many people never get over, the beginner gains phase is the easiest phase to keep consistency. As you get closer to your goal, the pounds will drop a lot less dramatically and you'll be truly tested.

Whatever motivation you have right now, take some real time to think about how good it feels to make a change. Then call on that feeling when it starts to feel like your progress is slowing. You have a long road ahead of you, and in the end, thinking of your goal as long term will be what keeps you on track. Good luck!!

I feel this picture speaks loudly about two things:
1. You've got incredible determination.
2. I'm assuming you did your hair and makeup in both these shots. If that's the case, you did an enviable work, woman.

For both these reasons, I would like to finish this comment with several hearts: <3 <3 <3

Maybe you should have shared that information with them. The doctor is not someone I want sugarcoating shit for me, no pun intended. If you lost 20 pounds and he says you need to start dieting and exercising, then he thinks you need to lose more weight. Had you told him you were dieting and exercising, he would have likely encouraged you to keep it up.

Im not here to shit on your progress. You look beautiful. As a person who use to be at like 150 and now 195. I have a scale in the bathroom that seems to be going up everyday.. how do I stop the stuff thats gonna hapen to me cause it goes up everyweek

No one cares. Literally nobody. You look like the mom in “what’s eating Gilbert grape” Edit: reddit has become Facebook, full circle. Everyday we’re supposed to care about fat whales and cancer patients and everyone’s triumphs. No thanks. Some part of you agrees with me if you’re reading this because you sort by controversial

Complete and utter crap in almost every way possible. Food was my primary mode of stress relief. I’ve had to rework a bunch of pathways to address this. Not done, I still struggle with the head hunger.

Can I ask how you did that? I immediately turn to food if I'm stressed or upset, and trying to restrict that just makes me more upset and I say 'fuck it' and binge harder. I'd really love to know what tricks you used to get out of stress-eating.

170lbs thats how much i weigh right now, progress is progress once you start seeing it or feeling it the ball just starts rolling from there. i just back into the gym a 2 weeks ago and i would happy with just 5lbs....a few years ago i went hard in the gym (3-4 times weekly) and cut out all sodas, pizza, breads, and starbucks and went from 190 to 145..

It's hard convincing overweight people to change their ways to better themselves and do what you do, I'm glad to see someone doing some good and starting to take care of their body. Proud of you random stranger!