Next TOMB RAIDER Movie Will Be a Prequel

Ever wonder how Lara Croft got in the tomb raiding business? Of course not. She’s clearly just a spoiled rich girl who steals artifacts and keeps them for herself rather than donating them to museums. Also, she’s a bit of a psychopath because what archeologist brings guns to excavations? Oh, that’s right: she has to kill bears and T-Rexes. She discovers a dinosaur that’s been extinct for millions of years and her instinct is to murder it while doing backflips.

But why tomb raiding instead of an eating disorder like most spoiled rich girls? Was she driven mad by constant field trips to the museums? Was she pummeled by artifacts as a child? Whatever the reason, producer Dan Lin wants us to know! He also wants a younger Lara Croft instead of a real, adult woman but I’m sure that has nothing to do with it. But hopefully, if we get that younger Lara, we can get a scene of her getting breast implants which make her unreasonably top-heavy.

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