Agnostic/Atheist Parents

Boyfriend not religious but I am?

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pitsarefriends wrote:

Sorry I didn't really know where to go with this question!! My boyfriend and his family aren't religious at all, but I'm a Christian. MIL bashes my religion constantly and it's frustrating!! Everyone has their own beliefs, can't they just let me live?? My baby will be born in April and now I'm worried that they won't allow me to take him or her to church and they'll tell me I'm poisoning my child.. any advice?

Yes, they should be respectful of your beliefs. I'm assuming you're also being respectful of theirs and not shoving bible verses down their throats constantly. Like PPs said, the decision to take your child to church or not is between you and your boyfriend; that's it.

When they say disrespectful things about your religious beliefs, do you stick up for yourself? Does your boyfriend?

That's a discussion you and you're boyfriend need to have, before the child is born. You guys need to be on the same page as far as religious upbringing and what you both do and don't want the baby to be taught. It's definitely not healthy for the baby to see your MIL disrespect you in anyway, shape, or form.

If you're respecting their atheism, and not telling them (or the baby once he/she is here) that they're going to hell for not believing, they need to respect your Christianity, no matter how much they disagree with it.

I agree that it's incredibly rude of her to disrespect you by belittling your beliefs, even if she doesn't agree with them. But, I think the biggest issue here is one of communication between you and your boyfriend. I assume he knows that you and he are of differing faiths and has chosen to accept that, but have you specifically discussed plans for raising a child with your belief system? If not, that's a conversation you need to have pronto. If so, and he supports you in that, then it's time to start boundary setting with MIL. Any time she starts in on your faith, you get up and walk out. You are under no obligation to sit and listen to someone be rude to you. You should also further clarify that, if the rudeness continues once the baby is born, you won't be allowing MIL around him/her unless she can remain civil regarding your beliefs. Also, make sure your BF understands that this is the course of action you'll be taking. It would be best if he agrees to support you, but not essential.

We've talked about taking the baby to church and he told me he didn't mind since it's my child as well. He grew up catholic because of his father, but decided to be atheist because of his mother, so he thinks that when the time comes our child can choose for him or herself. I agree with that, but my boyfriends mother thinks Ill poison my child by exposing him to religion..

It looks like you've received some great advice from everyone here. I just wanted to point you in the direction of one of my favorite humanist authors, Dale McGowan. He has three children and he blogs and writes about family and parenting issues, and he recently wrote a book called, "In a Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families." He is non-religious but he is SO sensitive and respectful to believers, and he addresses a lot of the issues you're bringing up (in-law interference, unsupportive partners, how to talk yo children about differing belief systems.) I'd recommend finding a copy at a library or buying one, and then having your boyfriend read it and maybe even your MIL. I'm so sorry to hear to hear that you aren't being respected and I certainly hope their behavior changes, both for your sake and your child's.

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