Ms. Vicki: Naive About Pornography?

Pornography is a topic that incites a lot of emotions from readers. When I published my Pornography Quiz, I got a mixed reaction from our readers. Some said that it ruined their lives while others admitted that it has help to save their marriage or relationship.

I won’t be judgmental of anyone’s position on this topic, but take a look at some of the recent responses below:

Dear Ms. Vicki,

You are so naïve if you think that people will be able to solve every problem by talking to a counselor or a therapist ... pornography is therapy and it’s cheaper!

Sincerely,
Just Sayin’

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

I am very sad for the wife who recently wrote about her husband's pornography addiction and how it has impacted their marriage. Over the years, I have seen many military families suffer and sometimes end from a husband's use of pornography. My advice to couples is to not allow it into your home and not use it as a "substitute" during deployments.

I have heard both husbands and wives say it is better than visiting prostitutes in port or having an affair while away. However, that kind of thinking is a slippery slope and can hinder the process of living as committed partners again after a homecoming.

There is a great deal of research about how viewing this material changes brain functioning and not for the better. The line between fantasy and reality becomes blurred and neither husband nor wife can measure up to the images and performances they watch.

In truth, no one can because it isn't real. Treat your home, marriage and intimacy as sacred space and do not bring a third party in, no matter the form that third party may take. There are many resources and specialists who are trained to help individuals and couples free themselves from the harmful effects of pornography use and I hope this husband gets help soon,

Sincerely,
Navy Wife

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

When my husband is deployed for months and months I would rather for him to get his computer or watch a video and go for it instead of hooking up with some other woman downrange. There's nothing wrong with watching a flick to relieve some stress. It’s fine with me!

Sincerely,
Army wife

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

What in the world am I supposed to do with all of my pinned up stress and frustration when my woman is not available? Women are here to serve men. Why do you think they keep the camera on the women in these videos? Why do you think the videos with women on women or a woman alone in a video sells more? Because it sells! Capitalism! Porn is not going anywhere; it will be here until the end of time. Get used to it!

Sincerely,
ProCapitalist

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

People are afraid to talk about pornography, even though it’s nobody’s business what we do in our private lives. But as we know, “What’s done in the dark will come to the light.” Why can’t we depend on each other in our relationships and not all of the outside interferences like videos, computers, cell phones etc.?

Sincerely,
Living in the Light

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

The only advice I can give to young couples who want to view pornography to spice up their love life is: DON’T. My wife and I never had to resort to that type of conduct whatsoever, and we soon will celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary. We have two grown sons in their 50s, and can be thankful that when we leave this Earth as we know it, that we leave with our reputation and morals intact.

Sincerely,
Ralph and Barbara

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About

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.

Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.