Sounds like you might be using Standard Mode for your Sonos (none wired) that comes with a lot of restrictions on multiple AP setups. I don't remember them all but the Sonos support FAQ probably has them all listed.

I looked at that a few years back and realized Boost Mode (one or more wired) was going to be far less frustrating and not restrict what I could do with my home WiFi by limiting me to the options that work with Sonos. I'd recommend you switch to Boost Mode too, either wire one of your Sonos or pick up a Boost and skip all the frustration.

Ok. I have added a first Play to the LAN with ethernet. All connects just fine of course.
Can see it on iphone Sonos app and confirm the mode is "wm:0" eg; wired

Then I go to the other end of the house to add a second Play on the WiFi. I can ping everything so IP connectivity is there. However it will not connect to the other Sonos. Nothing on app and can not add.

Surely I don't have to wire all of the Sonos Play in?
What is the point of the WiFi connection if it can't work across IP?

Am I still misunderstanding how this works?
No wonder the forums are full of people who can't keep this all working

Your Sonos units will only be able to connect over SonosNet if they are actually within range of one another.

Even if a player couldn't mesh via SonosNet, but it could see a known WiFi signal, there should still be a connection. The fact that the units are pingable -- presumably all on the same subnet -- bears this out.

I suspect that your Ubiquiti kit may need to be configured to forward multicast traffic. There have been many related reports over the years.

By the way, considering the millions of Sonos customers the people who post here with connectivity problems are a tiny fraction. It's unwise to judge the health of a general population by those one finds in a hospital.

The Standard Mode Sonos WiFi is designed for very simple networks, you might get it working long enough to get your Sonos all moved to Boost mode by powering down all but one AP and rebooting the Sonos gear. That eliminates many possibilities that Sonos does not deal well with.

Probably easier to run a temp Ethernet connection to each device, reboot it and let it wake up in Boost mode. Once all are in Boost mode go in and remove your WiFi credentials from the Sonos and power back up your other APs.

There may well be a better way to do this but until one comes along this should work. I still have my 100 foot Ethernet cable I picked up to do this with my Sonos, haven't needed it since.

I suspect that your Ubiquiti kit may need to be configured to forward multicast traffic. There have been many related reports over the years.
This may help: https://help.ubnt.com/hc/en-us/articles/360001004034-UniFi-Best-Practices-for-Managing-Chromecast-Google-Home-on-UniFi-Network#enable

I'd unwire the wired speaker and try this first.

Am I still misunderstanding how this works?
You're getting there, but the details can be subtle for SonosNet/Boost/Wired mode. For Standard/Wireless mode the situation is usually simpler, but complex mesh WiFi networks introduce additional possibilities for network misconfiguration.

No wonder the forums are full of people who can't keep this all working

As ratty stated, the vast majority of Sonos installations just work. It's a tiny fraction of Sonos customers who even visit this forum, let alone report connectivity problems.

So I had it all working for about a week.
One Sonos Play connected to the LAN, two Sonos Play working on WiFI.
Was all good.

Now the two WiFi connected Sonos have disappeared and will not connect to anything.
LAN connected on still works just fine. The two "wifi" connected ones won't connect to the wifi any more.

This is so temperamental.
It will be. You're trying to force the system into 'mixed mode'. This can easily be unstable, as WiFi-connected units will be trying their best to seek out a SonosNet connection. Even if mixed mode holds up, the units are likely to be on different channels, potentially compromising group performance.

The other 2 will be installed from scratch and must only use WiFi after setup (no LAN after setup)

Why must they use WiFi? Could you not purchase a Boost and wire it to Ethernet connection somewhere within range? For example on the nearest access point, which you said was in turn wired back to the router?

Alternatively simply place a Boost -- connected only to power -- somewhere roughly halfway between the two WiFi-connected units and the wired Play. It could then act as a relay.

With one player connected to your LAN, you’re running the Household on SonosNet. Did you go onto remove your WiFi credentials in the “Advanced Settings/Wireless Setup” of the Sonos App? ... that will stop your speakers switching between SonosNet and your WiFi.

Ensure you set your Ubiquiti WiFi to all use the same fixed channel as mentioned by @ratty if that’s possible to do with that system.

Then set the SonosNet channel (in Advanced Settings) at least 5 channels away from the chosen ubiquity 2.4ghz channel.

Ubiquiti access points have adjustable RF output power. It seems counter intuitive, but it is usually best not to use maximum power. At full output power a client could lock on to an access point signal, but not have enough power to return communication to the distant access point. By reducing the Ubiquiti output you will force the client to use a closer, more appropriate access point. Phones/Pads are often caught up in this sort of drama because they will not give up a distant access point after the portable device is moved to another area. If you are using a Ubiquiti CloudKey, there is quite a lot of historic data available that can be used to troubleshoot connections.

@Ken_Griffiths If I remove the WiFi credentials then how will they use SonosNet when they are too far apart to see each other?

I think SonosNet is all part of the problem - and as several of you have said this mixed mode.

I would like to just use plain old WiFi - is that possible? No?
The ubiquity router/hubs will all need to be on the same WiFi channel and just uncable your Sonos device. Obviously you need to ensure the WiFi credentials in that case are stored in the Sonos App.

Personally I would go with SonosNet and buy a Boost and stick your current cabled speaker as “the man in the middle” device.

I would like to just use plain old WiFi - is that possible? No?Yes — just disable the wireless radio for all wired Sonos devices. It’s under ‘Advanced Room’ settings for each ‘room’.
This will stop WiFi-connected units from attempting to mesh with the wired ones over SonosNet, and could stabilise mixed mode operation, but using multiple APs in WiFi mode is not hugely recommended.

I would like to just use plain old WiFi - is that possible? No?Yes — just disable the wireless radio for all wired Sonos devices. It’s under ‘Advanced Room’ settings for each ‘room’.This will stop WiFi-connected units from attempting to mesh with the wired ones over SonosNet, and could stabilise mixed mode operation, but using multiple APs in WiFi mode is not hugely recommended.
Doesn’t this just effectively disable SonosNet? That’s my observation, with multiple APs. I’ve used this configuration quite successfully, as long as the WiFi infrastructure is solid.

SonosNet is formally disabled in WiFi mode (and STP is inactive), but the peer-to-peer connections are still available for the audio stream within a group ... unless the peers are tuned to different channels.

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