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As someone who lives with a chronic illness, one thing I really can’t stand is being called ‘brave’.

I was first told I was ‘brave’ after undergoing emergency surgery to remove my large bowel after an attack of ulcerative colitis, a form of inflammatory bowel disease. I was given a stoma bag, where the end of my small intestine was stitched to the outside of my abdomen to release waste into an ostomy bag.

This, in turn, was another reason I was called ‘brave’.

I get it. Some people think I was brave to go through the surgery and to be given a stoma bag. But I don’t think so. The surgery was something that just happened. It was out of my control and something that I just had to deal with. Much like the stoma bag, which I eventually came to terms with.

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It feels like the term ‘brave’ is use by people who feel uncomfortable talking about an illness and just don’t know what else to say. They want to respond positively – and so their first instinct is to acknowledge you fighting through something. That’s understandable, but it can come across as patronising.

When I was first given a stoma bag, it was hard to come to terms with. And people calling me brave only reinforced this feeling. It was as if they were congratulating me on dealing with something absolutely awful and foreign to my body, which is hard enough when it already makes you feel insecure.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Calling me ‘brave’ suggests that it takes a truly strong person to deal with an illness. It suggests that what I’m going through is absolutely awful – and that stigmatises the reality of living with symptoms that I’d be keen to normalise.

As someone with a chronic illness, while I want it to be acknowledged, I don’t want to be treated any differently because of it. I don’t want it to be who I am, or to consume my personality. I just want it to be something I live with. Ditching the term ‘brave’ will help enforce this – because it takes away the idea that it’s something I’ve battled with, and highlights the fact it’s simply something that I deal with day-to-day.

I’m not brave for dealing with it, because my body isn’t some horrible thing I have to defeat. I work with it. I learn to accept how it changes my day-to-day life.

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I’m not the only one who feels this way. I spoke to a number of people living with chronic illnesses, who told me that they too can’t stand being called ‘brave’ simply for living with an illness.

Jenni Haigh, 29, who has ME and fibromyalgia, told us: ‘I dislike being called brave very much, even though I know it comes from a good place. It’s patronising and it dismisses the reality of chronic illness which is either you manage it in any way you can or you give up on your life.

‘I guess because applauding someone for being brave suggests you chose to do that when really the only choice is to fight on and I wish people would recognise that instead.’

Martha Chastney Smith, 24, has ulcerative colitis and fibromyalgia. She said: ‘Oh my god the brave thing is so annoying! Like, I literally have no choice in the matter. When people act like you’re doing something courageous just by living. I want to ask them what else do they expect me to do?

‘Putting it bluntly, it’s either live with it or kill yourself. And it feels like people are saying that they don’t see our lives as worth living. Of course life is tougher with a chronic illness, and please acknowledge that and think about the different things I need in day to day life, but don’t turn me into your little brave soldier who “inspires you” or similar bollocks.’

(Picture: Charlotte Cockell)

We also spoke to 20-year-old Shona Cobb, who has Marfan Syndrome, a genetic condition which produces symptoms such chronic pain and fatigue. She said: ‘I really dislike people calling me brave because I’m simply not. We all deal with whatever live throws at us the best we can, whether that be chronic illness, disability, death, break ups etc.

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‘We all go through difficult stuff in our lives, so me having a chronic illness doesn’t make me brave, it just makes me human.’

Micayla Baker, 23, who has Myasthenia Gravis, added: ‘I hate being called brave because I don’t have a choice. I don’t get to wake up in the morning and decide that I don’t want to deal with my MG today. I don’t get to decide if I’m going to be able to eat or fix my hair.

‘I understand that mostly people are trying to be sympathetic, but I honestly have no response to them when they say that because I am scared, tired of being sick, and if I had a choice I wouldn’t choose to face this.’

The overall theme seems to be that people with chronic illness feel as though being called ‘brave’ makes it seem as though they’re being applauded for something that’s totally out of their control.

Not only is it patronising but it can be offensive. It’s almost like people assume living with a chronic illness means you constantly struggle or that just choosing to live is a huge thing to do.

The fact is, yes, chronic illness does suck. But it also makes you a stronger, more compassionate person.

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Acknowledge this first – before assuming every day for someone with a chronic illness is a constant fight, with us as the brave superheros winning a battle.