Deceased Man Remembered As Total Prick

(MIDDLETOWN) – Family members, neighbors and others say Ralph Ruthbaum, who died this past week at age 78, was a complete asshole.

“He was the kind of guy who would pull the blinds and turn off all the lights if he saw you coming toward his house,” said Fred Staub, Ruthbaum’s next-door neighbor.

“He never took out the trash, he regularly extinguished lit cigarettes on our cat, and he farted around me all the time,” reflects Esther Ruthbaum, Ralph’s widow. “He also left the toilet seat up a lot.”

“I hated him because he gave out grocery store coupons each year for Halloween,” said 10-year-old neighbor Justin Pratt. “What a dick.”

Others recalled Ruthbaum as someone who would regularly borrow tools and other items without giving them back and as a neighbor who would call the police on even the most civilized of neighborhood parties.

There are no memorial or burial services planned, his wife said. “I doubt anyone would show up.”