The city can be a very confusing place. New York is so full of secrets it may as well be Ph balanced for a woman*. Most of us spent our first few weeks in the city enjoying the sights and smells (barf) of Coney Island when we meant to be hitting up the beer garden in Astoria. The acronyms bandied about the locals and the long-time residents can make things even more confusing. Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Also to mock. Because as we all know, the only thing more New York than sly mockery is a pizza burger.

PDT

What It Stands For: Please Don’t Tell

What It Really Means: This is either exclusive speakeasy by chef David Chang where locals in the know go to get a deep-fried hotdog and a cocktail, or a once-cool bar now to be avoided thanks to overexposure on every food and travel show ever.

BQE

What It Stands For: Brooklyn Queens Expressway

What It Really Means: A “handy” tool for excursions by cab which can transform what would have been a 10 minutes train ride into an endless epic Hobbit-style journey. Not only will the party be over by the time you get there, but you’ll probably be eligible for membership to AARP.

What It Really Means: Never, Quite Possibly You Will Die Here Waiting, and Rarely.

UES

What It Stands For: The Upper East Side

What It Really Means: A place you do not have enough to live. Unless you move to Yorktown in which case you have given up any attempt at coolness and have rationalized a fifteen minute walk to the subway each morning. “But they’re building a new subway line,” the deluded residents might say. Do not listen to false prophets.

LIRR

What It Stands For: The Long Island Rail Road

What It Really Means: The train Jake Gatsby would take to and from Manhattan if he were not a fictional character from another era. Conversely, how to get to Dina Lohan’s house and also some vineyards.

DUMBO

What It Stands For: Down Under The Manhattan Bridge Overpass

What It Really Means: The people living there got tired of all the sub-par troll jokes lobbed their way and as such decided that rechristening their place of residence with an acronym that is also the name of a cartoon baby elephant was the superior alternative.