Sonya Esman's *JULY COLUMN*: Why You Should Follow Your Intuition

A good goal should scare you a little and excite you a lot...

There's a quote I read recently that really stuck with me: "A good goal should scare you a little and excite you a lot". That's been my life for the past two weeks or so.

It was my childhood dream to move to Los Angeles to become an actress. I had dreams every day about how my middle school teacher would make an announcement to the entire school stating that "one honorary student, Sonya Esman, will be spending her last day with us today, as she is moving to Los Angeles to star in a new Disney Channel movie!"... and the crowd went wild.

But then a little thing named reality came into the mix. I left high school in the 11th grade to get online home schooled so I could fast track my courses, graduate earlier, and start working and focusing on my blog and career. I always knew that I wanted to live outside of Toronto, which is why I hesitated on going to university for so long. Inevitably, things with my YouTube channel and blog worked out and my viewership started picking up. I can't really explain to people why I have the amount of followers that I do, because to be honest, I don't try. I don't ever ask people to follow me, or to like me, or give me shout outs. I genuinely think this is my calling. Everybody has something they are good at, something that they will effortlessly succeed at. Blogging was that thing for me.

This means I can't really give people tips on how to become a popular YouTube blogger, or how to achieve a million Instagram followers, or how to have any quality at all, really. We are all individual, and all have our own calling. If you've been beating your head against a wall wondering why your YouTube channel is not gaining new viewers despite your camera upgrade, consistent posting, and social media promotion, then maybe you should consider if it's actually what you love? Maybe you're a talented singer... maybe you've always been passionate about football... maybe you just love conversing with people. I think, as long as you follow your intuition, and do whatever brings life to your eyes, there's absolutely no way your life won't end up exactly the way you've always dreamed of it.

That is honestly my exact situation. Everything I have in my life; the people, the experiences, the situations I end up in, and the opportunities I am handed- are an absolute dream. I feel like at some point, somebody is going to wake me up and say, "uh, Sonya, welcome back to reality..."

I would listen to people preach this quote every day: "dreams come true". Three short words that are sort of obvious, but quite irrelevant and unmoving unless you've experienced it for yourself. Let me be the 500th person that tells you this, and assures you that dreams do come true. I grew up in a one bedroom apartment in Russia, my parents didn't have money to buy me new pencils for school, I almost ended up without a prom dress (finally scored one for 20 dollars at Forever 21), and I didn't have a luxurious, or middle-class, upbringing. Nobody helped me get to where I am right now and I am endlessly grateful for that because it made me focused and ambitious. When you realize that all the power in the world is in your hands, and you truly believe it, the world will be yours for the taking. Things are literally being handed to you every day, people are always willing to invite you somewhere, introduce you to someone who will help you get further - you just have to be willing and open to everyone. Say yes more often.

I worked and researched ways to move to the U.S. for two years before I found my amazing YouTube network (ICON) who were willing to help me with it. Everything was incredibly fast-paced from then on. I took the money I'd been saving in my bank account for my entire life and bought my first ever car, a black Mercedez E-class convertible, and the signed my house lease the next day. All of this was madness, because not only was I doing all of it for the first time, but I was doing this in a foreign country. I spent days upon days chugging coffee and driving for hours around Los Angeles to buy at least a mattress to sleep on in my new home and some soap to shower with. Nonetheless, this is probably the best kind of stress I have ever experienced, because at least I have a purpose. My purpose is to create a beautiful home environment that is comforting and a reflection of my inner world. My purpose is to be with my amazing friends in Los Angeles and experience new things together, go to new places and be kids again. My purpose is to pursue my life goal of acting, and to check off everything in my mental bucket list.

I didn't move out of my parent's house until I was 20, sure, but convention is the enemy. If you feel in your heart that what you're doing is the right thing, then plug your ears, shut your eyes, and keep doing your thing. It's frightening, sure, being in a different country on your own without a person beside you at all times suggesting the best place to buy your furniture, groceries, the best bank, and which GPS app to use to avoid traffic. In spite of that, I realize the best life lessons come from making mistakes. I WANT to mess up. I want to rent in the wrong neighborhood, accidentally fill my car with the wrong fuel. I want to understand through my personal struggles, what the best thing to do is. Your struggles are your teachers. Your fears present themselves and challenge you so you can grow and learn from them, they are not for permanent attachment. We often forget that our limitations come from ourselves. We set boundaries in our minds on what is achievable, realistic, practical, and logical. But that mindset is faulty. If you have the courage to trust and follow your heart, everything you will ever need in this universe will always be available to you.