Everyday life as a Domina

Cast of Characters

Since I’m all about the nicknames, and anonymity, and all that, I don’t use anyone’s real name here except my own. But a couple of people have mentioned being confused at all the different people in my life, and the different people I write about. So, since I’m just super organized and all (stop laughing), I figured I’d list them here. This is every single person that has been named on my blog (I think, I might have forgotten one or two, but I’ll add to this as needed, so it’s fine).

Kazander:

My husband, my collared sub, and the father of my daughter. He has some switchy tendencies, and is currently a Dom to his girlfriend. He’s a tall, loud, intense guy, and many are surprised to find out what our dynamic is. A lifestyle acquaintance once asked me what I call him; my Sir, my Daddy, etc. I laughed and said, “I call him my bitch.” I had known her for four years at the time. He’s very intense, and I’m very laid-back, so sometimes people are surprised. He’s a Sagittarius/Capricorn cusp, so he has the Capricorn intensity with the Sagittarius fire and force. My best friend once said he intimidated the hell out of her.

He’s in charge of every other aspect of his life. He runs his warehouse, he’s the driving force with his friends, and he’s the head of his family’s household (his parents, his uncle, his older sister, and her husband all live in the house next door). He runs their finances and makes the big decisions. His sisters defer to him, despite the fact that he’s the youngest of the three (and he’s 6 years older than I am). Even his parents defer to him.

As strong-willed as he is, he can sometimes be a handful as a submissive, but when he melts and yields so completely to me, it’s the sweetest drug. I love bringing that strong, powerful man to his knees.

We’ve been together since 2010, and were married late in 2014. Our first year was a rough one, but he has that Capricorn loyalty and stubbornness to offset my rebelliousness and unpredictability, and we made it through the worst without losing each other.

Spawn/Monkey/Kid/etc:

My daughter, a precocious, independent, smart-ass 4-year-old who really is too smart for her own good. She is your typical fiery Leo and she’s quick to let you know that she expects your world to revolve around her (being the only grandchild for both sets of grandparents, and spoiled out of her mind, doesn’t help).

She is about three minutes away from me duct-taping her mouth shut whenever I take her in public because she has the uncanny ability to say the worst thing (with no context) at the worst possible moment.

For example, her newest obsession is Spider Man. He’s her new imaginary friend. And I cannot convince her that there is a difference between a boy that is a friend and a boyfriend. So the other day, when the cashier asked her how she was doing, she randomly blurted out, “My boyfriend sleeps in bed with me at night.” And this is a very, very common practice.

As much as she tries to give me gray hair, though, I adore her, I think she’s fucking awesome, and I will gladly bore you to death bragging about her.

Sounder/Jessie/Jessica:

My newest boy, a fantastic mix of sweet and sarcastic, a driven Capricorn 10 years older than I am. He’s a hell of a lot of fun to hang out with, and to do wicked things to. His mind is as much fun to play with as his body, and the fact that it’s normally damn near impossible to rattle him makes it even more fun to pull him off-balance.

He never does anything half-assed, and his submission to me is no exception. I’ve often been surprised at his devotion to his service. It takes a lot to impress me, but he’s done it quite often, both as my submissive and as a vanilla man.

He’s a fun toy to play with, and can definitely take a beating, both physically and mentally. No matter how hard I push him, how many fucked up things I do to him, he willingly follows and meets my enthusiasm with his own unique brand of eagerness. No matter what I throw at him, he takes it all in stride and follows me deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.

Steel:

My former collared submissive, 15 years older than I am, a quiet, introverted Capricorn who lives much, much farther away from me than I’d like him to be. Personal things have kept him off the blog until recently, and personal obligations are keeping us separated for the time being, but that will change soon.

While he good-naturedly chuckles and rolls his eyes at my obsession with astrology/spirituality/religion/fate/whatever, and patiently tolerates when I prattle on about it, there was just too much in the beginning of our relationship to call a coincidence. Too many things fell into place at exactly the right time, too much went exactly the way we needed it to, it was like the entire Universe aligned to bring us into each other’s lives at exactly the right time, and then to bring us together exactly when it was supposed to happen.

We both broke quite a few of our personal rules by getting together, we both went completely out of character (he’s normally reserved, cautious, and slow to make emotional decisions, and I’m normally stand-offish, cold, and unwilling to let my emotions show) by getting as emotionally attached as we did, as quickly as we did.

He has an incredible gift with words, he’s delightfully smart-assy, and deliciously slutty. Greedy, hungry, and just as insatiable as I am, we discovered early on that we have both been limited in the past by partners who never dared to go as deep, as dark, as twisted, as we wanted to go. Now we don’t have that limitation, and I love exploring the depths of my depravity with him.

*Update* As of 2/7/17, Steel is no longer my collared submissive. But because he’s still my friend, and will hopefully continue to remain in my life to some extent, I am leaving my description of him as it is. You can read about why I took his collar here.

Southern:

One of my pets, a Taurus 26 years older than I am. I don’t mean a pet in the sense of a puppy or pony or any of that. But I have a few pets scattered all over the place, and he’s one of them. I met him when I was a ProDomme living in Alabama. And he was one of the very, very few reasons I was slightly bummed to come back to Vegas.

Luckily, he travels to Vegas at least once a year, so I have an opportunity to see him when he’s in town, and I always look forward to that. Seeing him is always amazing, and he’s a lot of fun to be with, whether we’re just hanging out at the mall, or whether I’m putting things inside him and making him squirm.

We have a lot in common outside of kink, so our conversations range from sex to music to work, to really anything, and they last for hours.

star:

I had seen star around in the local scene for years, but only recently got to know her. She is a wonderful woman and was a lot of fun to play with.

Sadie:

A Domme friend of mine, the only person I’ve ever met with a sadistic streak to rival my own. She taught me how to do needle play, sutures, and staples, and she’s just an awesome person all the way around.

She and her husband host play parties twice a month, and it’s a great opportunity to hang out with other people in the lifestyle, make new friends, and just have fun.

Kiki:

Another Domme friend, and one of the leaders of the Domme group we used to run in town. She’s always fun to hang around with.

Mal:

Sadie’s husband, and the only male Dom living that I like. He’s quite knowledgeable in D/s, and has a sadistic streak of his own. He taught me fireplay, and I do enjoy talking to him and hanging out with him.

Sonic:

One of Sadie’s play partners, and the one who volunteered to be my guinea pig when Sadie taught me needle play. We went to high school together and were both active in theater. He’s dating a vanilla woman, and is currently unable to participate in play, but he’s still a lot of fun to talk to.

Pet:

A teenage switch. He’s absolutely adorable, a lot of fun to hang out with, and a lot of fun to hurt. He’s homosexual, and panromantic, and a sweet masochist that makes the cutest sounds when he’s in pain. He was the first boy I set on fire.

Puppy:

Kazander’s former girlfriend and submissive.

The Body:

My ex-boyfriend, an attractive, well-endowed man with no social skills. He has no tact, and was always unintentionally condescending and rude. And the constant nagging and hounding to get in my pants, and the whining when he wasn’t the center of my world got old fast.

Sissy:

One of my old play partners, a sweet boy five years younger than I am, with a fantastic sense of humor and a big heart. He really went above and beyond my expectations time and time again, and went out of his way to serve me.

He had some pretty significant personal shit go down that would’ve messed with anyone pretty badly. He’s an Aquarius, like me, and I know that when I’m upset, I want to be left alone. So when he pulled away, I gave him his space. If he decides to reach out again, I’ll of course be there for him, but I won’t push him.

Zane:

Another old play partner. He started to feel uncomfortable with the poly aspect, so it didn’t work out.

The Virgin:

An old play partner, the youngest, at 20 years old. He’s the first male to ever touch Kazander, but the bi element I wanted in the relationship was something he wasn’t comfortable with.

The Nerd:

An old play partner, brand new to the scene, adorable and nervous and shy. He was also ultimately uncomfortable with the bi element.

Ash:

An old play partner, that I’ve actually known longer than I’ve known Kazander. But he has proven himself to be a flake, and wanted a degree of micromanagement that I just am not interested in.

Chevy:

A good friend, who shares my love of Tarot, astrology, and all that fun stuff. His ex boyfriend, Ford, asked me to carry a child for the two of them. It didn’t work out, and thank God, because Ford went off the deep end shortly after.

Ford:

Chevy’s ex boyfriend. They had been together for 12 years, and Ford asked me to carry a child for the two of them. It ultimately didn’t happen, and a few months later, Ford broke up with Chevy, completely out of the blue, and broke off contact with a lot of his friends. He got ultra Christian, and ultra Republican, and I don’t really talk to him anymore.

B:

My first serious boyfriend. I started dating him just after I graduated high school. He was my best friend’s dad. I was 18, he was 44, and we dated for a year. He pulled me out of the dark place I was in at that point and brought me back to life.

Eddie:

My mentor, the man who introduced me to this life. He was a bisexual leather Daddy, a member of an Old Guard House, and very much into the leather and Old Guard subculture. I met him shortly after joining an online BDSM chatroom when I was 16. He was in his forties, and became my first real love (although we were never romantically or physically involved, because I was underage).

He began informally training me in the Old Guard protocol. I never officially joined an Old Guard House, a) because of my age, b) because to join an Old Guard House, all members must start out as submissive, and c) the Old Guard culture was basically dead at that point, anyway.

We used his wife or my boyfriends as guinea pigs, and he taught me much over the course of the next three years. Then, he and his wife moved away, and while we were always fond of each other, we sort of drifted apart. He passed away when I was 23.

At the moment, I have Sounder and Kazander. I try to see Sounder at least once a week, and I play with Kazander a couple times a week. I also have Southern, who I see when he’s in town, once or twice a year.

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All pictures posted on this blog are either taken by me or shamelessly swiped from the interwebs and assumed to be public domain. If you own a picture posted here and wish it taken down, please contact me at dominajen@yahoo.com.

What this blog is

This is an 18+ blog about my day-to-day life as a Domina, wife, mother, and all that other crap. A chronicle of me. While this blog focuses primarily on the D/s aspect of my life and my relationships with Kazander, Steel, and Sounder, it is not exclusive to that subject, and I might talk about my kid, or my annoying mother, or my sister's pet cat, or whatever the hell I feel like talking about.

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It begins over a friendly disagreement, during which you smile, roll your eyes, and say, “Go fuck yourself.”

“But, Ma’am, that’s physically impossible.”

You smirk and ask how certain I am of this. On a roll, I launch into a smug and tangential rant about the anatomical impossibility of an individual’s being capable of fucking oneself. Your response is to merely shrug, smile, and make a cryptic statement:

“Don’t be so sure…”

Later that evening, you tell me bedtime will be early, an hour early to be exact. The amused look on your face says it would be in my best interests not to argue.

Sometimes I fall into a vicious cycle where I’m mentally and emotionally frustrated and cannot manage to channel that energy into productive avenues. In the old days, this would lead to drinking or drugs, but I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I try to go about my day, generally fail to complete mundane tasks and end up feeling ‘stuck’ – this progresses into a cycle of mild depression, feelings of inertia, guilt over said inertia, and then on and on it goes until something snaps me out of it.

It feels like I’m seated in a car stuck in neutral yet compelled to rev the engine until it screams.

When did I last curl up in her lap? It’s been so long, I cannot recall. Despite numbered boxcars on the calendar and the disinterested faces of clocks, a concrete memory eludes me. Time, location, and date, they’re merely three dimensions after all.