Sunday, September 27, 2009

Oh no, there they go another herd of elephantsWith big fat legs in tight black pantsAnd an image of themselves that can't be clear'Cause it's obvious they ain't never looked in a mirrorFollowing fashion is no surpriseBut when the fashion follows the form of your thighsAnd reveals every mound and cluster of fatThen it's time to take 'em off and take the damn things backBut no, they gotta go strut their stuffAnd I'm here to say that enough is enoughSpandex shorts, stretch pants and such If you weigh too much you're showin' way too muchSpandex doesn't hide where you sagYou look like a goddam hefty badWrappin' up all your cellulite wreckageSomethin' tells me it's gonna be one of those decadesMarchin' in the mall two ton by twoI guarantee that they're gonna sit by youShowin' off everything the fabric ain't fixin'Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

Everywhere I go I just can't get awayFrom the overweight legs gift wrapped every dayI'm a humble man, I don't ask for muchBut it would be nice to keep down my lunchBut I can't, they always walk by when I'm eatingMy muscles all lock and my heart starts beatingIrregularly every time that I seeA walking wooly mammoth in a woman's size threeClumps of fat popping out everywhereHer pants are so tight I can see all her hairIt wiggles and wobbles when they're ridin' on a bikeNow I know what Al Bundy must feel likeThe only thing I can imagine that would be any worseIs Roger Ebert in a speedo but that's a whole nother verseThey wear 'em so much they're gonna wear the things upAnd when the pants give away they're gonna all hang outBeauty's in the eye of the beholder butWhen these beauties walk by I keep my eyes shutBlack abominations they're squeezin' their hips inPlease God please no more fat chicks in spandex

If the back of your legs look like cottage cheeseIf you're talking scale says "get off please"If both of your breasts hang down to your kneesThen you shouldn't be wearin' any spandexIf you look like you're related to the Toxic AvengerIf a whale gets beached and you try to befriend herIf a mechanic sees your body and attaches a fenderThen you won't look good in those spandexI'm gonna find who designed them it's all his faultI'm afraid I'm gonna turn into a pillar of saltWhen I accidentally look at a derriereThat looks like a walking bean bag chairThis has to be a dream but I can't wake upIt's too horrible a story to ever make upIt's the curse of the 20th century manTo be subjected to this torture again and againBy comparison the Spanish Inquisition was tameUndersize pants on an oversize dameJust ain't the way I like to get my kicksOh please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Friday, September 25, 2009

The most able photoshop experts were called to manipulate Bugsy's photoshoot for Maxmen. One click of the mouse here et voilà her legs are a little bit longer. One click of the mouse there et voilà rolls of fat are gone. One more click, an abracadabra and the cellulite is erased.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You know photoshop's out of control when they make Plus Size Nereida look hot.Who knows how many hours of overtime the good peoples of Maxmen must have gone through to make her look good on their October cover. DON'T BUY IT!

Plus Size Nereida will made her very first appearance on Portuguese TV Record on Friday September 25, hour 16:30. She will visit "O Programa da Tarde" with Elsa Raposo. Bugsy will reveal details about her relationship with Cristiano Ronaldo, will talk openly about her life, career and her new man.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

PortuguesemagazineVidas now is nagging us with Plus Size Nereida interviews ,articles and semi-nude pictures. What's the solution? Try to delete that annoying insect, protest against Nereida Gallardo to vidas@correiomanha.pt

"I like watching myself, I prefer the way I look in photoshoots rather than in the mirror." (the mirror doesn't lie!) I wish to have thinner legs, they always have been like this and I got used to them. I would not have cellulite. I eat a lot and I do not go to the gym. I like my eyes, my breast and my lips."

In a recent interview with Vidas (yet another interview with Bugsy), Plus Size Nereida confessed that she still dreams to become a model. Obviously, she will not go far. She's fat and too short to be a runway or high fashion-print model. Currently, the fashion industry cuts clothes for women who are approximately 5'7 or taller, right now there isn't a place for a girl who measures 165 cm and weighs 56 Kg. It seems she can only do half-naked photos for gossip magazines like Vidas.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Plus Size Nereida is it again, running her mouth and saying absurd, annoying and ridiculous things. In an interview with Correio da Manha she said: "I was invited (to attend Winter Club Opening) because people wanted me there, because I'm able to attract the public. I have a contract with Espectacular Produções to be guest at three different events : in October, November and December." As if to say "Portugueses like me so much". Idiot or does she think Portugueses are stupid?

Can't stand Plus Size Nereida? Think her attitude and image are disgusting?Want her out of Portugal? Contact Espectacular Produções and try to stop her!

On thursday night Cristiano Ronaldo's ex-girlfriends Merche Romero and Plus Size Nereida attended Aliados Winter Club opening. Both were at the party but ignored each other all night long. Looking ugly as sin, but always ready to pose for the camera, Bugsy showed up with her amewhore boyfriend Pedro Sabater. Plus Size Nereida has nothing in common with Merche. They couldn't be more different: one is tall, the other is short, one is blonde, the other is brunette. Who do you like better?

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Nobodys joined a slew of Portuguese celebrities, including Cristiano Ronaldo ex girlfriend Merche Romero and ex model Claudia Jacques , at the Winter Club Opening, on Thursday 10th September . Plus Size Nereida and Pedro were more than happy to strike poses for the camera and they spent the night smiling and kissing for photographers. It seems like Bugsy's man is delighted to be in the spotlight!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Plus Size Nereida is at war with ex model Claudia Jacques over Winter club job. She vented her frustration at Correio de Manha.

"I honestly do not understand why Claudia Jacques is making all this fuss. I have never spokenill of someone ( except for her ex boyfriend, his mum and his sisters), least of all of Claudia Jacques. I don't know why she doesn't want to work with me. She should be ashamed. Her behavior isn't acceptable for her age. She should have another kind of attitude. After all the 25 years old it's not her, it's me. (Neither of the two! Claudia Jacques is 44 years old, Plus Size Nereida is 26 years old). I don't understand why she acts like this. Does she feel inferior to me? Is this the problem? I'm just a simple person and these are things that I don't understand".

Finally: Claudia Jacques still has her job while Plus Size Nereida has been dismissed. Who's inferior?