From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Four

It made so much sense that she had gone to sleep at Dalus place. He was my friend and in her head he could talk sense into me. In every marriage there is a couple you trust to counsel you when you stray of which Dalu and his wife had to be ours. I was not curious at all as to what she could have told them but was angry at Dalu. He could at least have told me! At my braai he had been there when things played out the way they had and a witness to how Lindiwe had died. In fact it was him who told me of the accident! Now he was giving her shelter. I immediately called my lawyers for the divorce papers to be delivered as now I knew where she was. Thanks Dalu. He said it will be done within the hour. Best news all day. I did not get to savour the moment though. Had more pressing issues. Khanyi called and said that she had arrived in Cape Town. I had almost forgotten about her. She had left her car at the airport so she drove straight to her place to see with her eyes what was left behind. I also drove from work to meet her there. She got there before me and when I got there she was sitting in the car she’ll shocked! It’s hard to explain to someone on the phone hence why seeing it for themselves tells more than just a story. She was beyond devastated.

“What am I going to do now Mxolisi? I have lost everything!”

She asked me as soon as she saw me. She was right, she had! Losing your property to fire is not something you can take mildly.

I told her I would help her pay for a hotel because if she came to the house it would only cause more drama. She said she would not have come in any case because too much had happened she just wanted Asthandile and myself to stay the hell away from her. I was a bit shocked.

“Ever since I met your wife everything I touch has fallen apart. I am done. Please I beg you do not call me! Please!”

With that she left. Had that just happened? She was right in a way but I did not know how long they had truly known each other so I could not even judge whether or not she was correct. Too many secrets. I got a call from my lawyer saying that the divorce papers had finally been served. Best news ever! I drove home where I found Zimasa packing her bags. I asked where she was going and she said that she was too scared to stay here because she was certain I was going to beat her up at some point. I told her not to be stupid. She had school to attend and I was not going to throw her out. The decision was hers really. I am not sure I meant that but I had to say it. Why would I be punishing her for she was just as child at the end of the day?

My father called me saying that he had gotten a visit from Asthandile’s family. He said it was her father and uncles and they had begged for them to meet Asthandile and I. I could hear that he was trying to be very calm and polite. I told him that I could not do this anymore so I would not attend such a meeting. I told him that I had already given her divorce papers and he said he knew that already.

“I have never told you this before, back when I worked in the mines, your mother cheated on me…”

He said cautiously. I am not sure if I was supposed to believe that and no, who wants to hear that their mother was a cheat! Come on now!

“I found out and when I came back she was not even staying at the house but with that man!”

I could hear the anger in his voice. This had to be true.

“I took my tjambok and I went to his house to get my wife. I beat them both up until the community stopped me! Imagine finding the woman you paid lobola for, gave a white wedding when I didn’t have a cent to my name, then she repays you like that, imagine finding her bent over his parafin stove cooking for him? It was a humbling moment. My wife, your mother came home and that fool turn out he had two other women pregnant at that very same time! One of them poisoned him eventually!”

My father concluded. Either he was a very good story teller or he had just told me his darkest secret. What was I supposed to do with that information? I told him I will think about it just to get him off the phone.

Two days later I had still not heard from her and I had tried to call countless times. I was on a plane headed for my doom no doubt. Dalu was right. Some demons you have to confront. Johannesburg from Cape Town is not that fair when you don’t want to get there. My boss had flown in on an earlier flight so I was alone. When you live in Cape Town I have to say it is quite a scary experience coming here. This is because whilst in Cape Town there are so many white people and Coloured people, Jhb has so many black people. I know I am black but Jhb makes you want to check if you are still carrying your wallet. Regardless of that though it’s not like Cape Town were people of color have to carry passes to walk in some neighborhoods! I can’t say therefore I was happy to be here. At least I got to the hotel in one piece. I just wanted to put my head down because I could not eat. My stomach was talking to me but I totally ignored it. So much on my mind.

I got a call. It was from Dalu. I ignored it but after he called five more times I answered! I should have switched off my phone.

“You can’t keep on avoiding me?”

He said casually.

“What do you want mfundini?”

I asked him. I was quite irritated by him because he was one of those guys in the past the community would have put a tyre around and burnt alive! He was a traitor who said what ever he wanted and when it suits him.

“I am outside your door open up!”

He had said he was not coming, now what? I went to the door and when I opened there he stood actually smiling.

He didn’t see it coming to be fair!

I punched him so hard on the mouth I actually felt his tooth break at the impact.

I am turning 26 in April,me and my boyfriend of 3years are born on the same day. Well it was all heaven on earth when we 1st started,he could do everything for me physically,emotionally,financially and otherwise we did everything together, we still do but its not the same anymore!He cheated with an X “friend” of mine and I’m putting it in commas coz clearly she was never a friend.Anyway I forgave him and we carried on with the relationship, we now have a baby that stays with my family coz financially we are not stable because we are performing artists and if you in that kind of industry things don’t just happen overnight. I’m lucky because I do get permanent work and I’m the 1 providing for us(Me+Him)this has been happening for a whole year and financially he can’t provide for neither me or his baby.He then has taken a 360 degree change he’s ALWAYS accusing me of cheating on him,I am sick of it,he goes through my phone and makes out straight forward conversations to be “flirting” I don’t even have that much males as contacts,he will just read convos I have with girls and assume things and then say I’m going out with they boyfriends .We are ALWAYS fighting about this today its 1guy,tomorrow its another.He went and had a physical fight with his friend saying he wants to sleep with me and called and said he knows I was there he can smell me,I don’t even know where his friend stays and I’m not even cheating or looking at other men like that because I’m with him 24/7 and I’m content with him.Because of this my love for him has slowly disapeared and I don’t think I love him anymore,he’s trying and saying its because he’s stressed that he can’t provide and taking it out on me. I know he loves me,I love him too regardless of his financial difficulties but HOW CAN I revive the love I had and forget about the fights and accusations?Sorry for the long read!

Dalu deserves more than a punch thou, he is such a mfazi yazi.
QnA,
Madonna, a broke man is very dangerous especially when a woman provides him financially and all. The accusations are all in his mind dear, soon he will b blaming you for working and say you sleeping with your boss.
maybe the boyfriend needs to stop entertaining his broke ass and feeling sorry for himself, he must use the time he waists by accusing you and make it profitable by looking for jobs or something. He is just plain stupid.
but then again, you cant leave a niggar for being broke (as much as i fear poverty.,,,) but you can leave him even at 2am in the morning if he is abusive.
There is a ball in your court ryt now, so decide how u wanna play wth it.

Lol Mxolisi please do not fall for your dad’s story he just doesnt want you breaking up with your deluded wife. Dont atttend that meeting for they will only manipulate you.

@ Madonna botsa motho wa gago aye go nyaka mmereko shoprite and stop moaning. Mmotje gore unless he actually get his ass of the couch and go and look for a job otlo motlogela. Aowa reka lapisha ke banna ba di bodu and motho wagona abe ungrateful nogal. Put your foot down and gibe him an ultimatum that’s the only way to get through to him.

Madonna.i hv bn ther as well.he takn hs frustrations of nt working on u.watch out soon he wil be beating u.then bringing gals into the house whilst u workin.my advice don’t vat en sit.dont dump him either.give each other space.u wil b fine he wil realize tht losing you would break his heart.if he truly loves u he wil come around get hs act together

Madonna, That man is a suicide bomb waiting to explode by Boko Haram orders. He got into a physical fight with his friend, because he ‘smelled’ that you were there? WTF is that… Who does that!! And let’s remember that he ‘cheated’ with your friend, even if now ex-friend. That was disrespect of the worst kind and he needed to spend the rest of his days making you happy to make up for that, instead, the guy now seems to have an agenda to find your cheating secret, which doesn’t exist.

He is uncomfortable in his own skin, he is insecure by his own doings. None of this is your fault but it will be if you continue to tolerate his sorry ass. If he doesn’t realiase that you loved him enough to forgive him for infidelity, have a baby by him and still support him financially in his time of difficulty, if he doesn’t see that and start appreciating and worship the ground you walk on, he needs to go.

I hate cheats who think people are the same as them. Just because your woman supports you financially and otherwise while you down and out don’t mean she screwing someone for that money. This guy’s value of you is low and the respect is missing. Pull him towards himself coz you Don’ deserve this type of treatment Madonna.

Thanks Team,…
A to Q: I think your partner is frustrated by not being able to provide for you, but that does not give him the right to ill-treat you. He just has to man up and find a job. As for you slowly losing the hearts for him – sorry ntombi, accusations tend to do that in any r/ship. Hang in there, maybe things will work out.

Madonna, as long as you not that mans’ wife, do not accept any nonsense. Not that we promoting such for those married but nje he will dish more trouble once you cross the matrimonial bridge. He needs to sort himself out, find his own life himself, until then he needs to stay away from you and the child. It is the only thing that will make him sober up and decide whether he wants you and your son in his life.

Other that that he will continue to ill treat you thinking that you ok with it. Also nawe the doubts you now developed about whether you love him or not uzobona uma engase abe kude ukuthi kuzoba njalo yini. Uthe ekuqaleni all was well until he started all this nonsense, maybe if he finds a job and goes back to his old self, you will fall in love with him again.

You owe it to yourself and to your son to try this distance thing to give your relationship a chance to revive itself.

QnA I don’t understand why you mentioned that he cheated on you, it doesn’t seem relevant at all. However I agree with the guy on here, he is clearly unstable and will hurt you too. This is all about his insecurities. My fear is the day you decide to leave his reaction might be very bad. So he needs help and its NOT YOU, he needs to”pull himself towards himself “as Jackzorro pointed out. You on the other hand are an abused woman. LEAVE in fact RUN

QnA…I agree with u big tym Mathandy, he wont find any concrete evidence and end believing what his mind tells him and beat the heck out of you coz he cant seem to get what evidence he is looking for….and up until u make ur own decision nothing will change, love or not its ur life baby gal…think about your child coz this will go from bad to worse until he gets himself a job….blv me I know…