Loving the multiple person perspective. Takes a really talented writer to be able to come at things from different angles and make believable characters that have life experiences so different.

A few things though.

Translating Mandarin in the first chapter is quite difficult. It's hard to believe he heard "Dao" not being a native Chinese speaker and installed a Mandarin keyboard, and selected the correct intonation and picked out the right word. It'd be a lot more believable if he just talked to a contact he knew to translate,

Also, be consistent with the name spellings. I think Sloan flips with Sloane and a few other names.

Also, I love how engaging this plot is. It's not dry, it keeps you guessing. The concept is creative as anything and I'd love to see how you lay it all out. It's good. Character dialogue is great. Loving it. Please keep this up.

I really need more resolution. And that's what makes this story perfect. It leaves you with just as much need for resolution that the main character needs. The writing style is perfect for the story. I loved it.

Other Collections

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.