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MrsRuss0114, LCSW

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 214

Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.

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My ex boyfriend is already online dating! I am shocked and

Resolved Question:

My ex boyfriend is already online dating! I am shocked and dismayed. I think it is a jerk thing to do! We only broke up a few days ago. It was after a dumb fight that I said we should separate. I didn't mean it but wanted change in the relationship. We had dated for past year and lived together for past 6 months, discussing marriage. In fact, last nite he invited me over to his home for wine, to discuss things and offered to have me stay the nite at my comfort level. I declined the offer since we only broke up a few days ago at which time he said we would 'go our separate ways for now but perhaps after the new year we may have second thoughts' and reunite. I was still tearful about the breakup and needed to think everything over. So... What is going on?? Has he already moved on? We agreed last nite to talk again in a few days. Do I tell him I know he is online? I'm not sure I even want him back if he can quickly move on. I guess I have no right to be angry and hurt but I am.

Russ0114 :Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.

Customer:

Hello. so do i have a right to be angry and hurt?

Russ0114 :I'm sorry that you're going through this. Now, if you are not sure if you want him back or not then my advice to you is to talk with him again and during that time, let him know that you are aware that he began dating online immediately after you two separated and ask him how is it that he could move on so quickly.

Russ0114 :You definitely have the right to be angry.

Russ0114 :The two of you were talking about marriage which is a big deal. And for him to turn around and date right away is a huge red flag.

Customer:

in what way? red flag

Customer:

that his feelings weren't there or ?

Russ0114 :I would question if he'd always been or remained online.

Customer:

I know he was not. that is for sure.

Customer:

would bet my last dollar

Russ0114 :Has he been faithful and truthful with you from the get go.

Customer:

one month into our relationship, i found out he was emailing an ex

Customer:

flirting

Customer:

i called him out and he begged me to stay

Customer:

that he was just winding down from the other women he had been dating when we met

Customer:

he got rid of the other women

Customer:

we spent alot of time together and he would always inform of his whereabouts

Customer:

so i trust him on that

Customer:

but to so quicky jump back into dating pool

Russ0114 :Ok, that's good. However, for the two of you to have been together for as long as you had and talking about very serious commitment it seems very odd to me that he can start dating so quickly. Normally a person can't just turn their feelings off.

Customer:

i agree

Customer:

right

Russ0114 :So, yes, you do have the right to be hurt and angry

Customer:

he wanted to date me and other women post breakup

Customer:

ha

Customer:

i told him no way

Customer:

after our commitment that i won't go back to casual dating him

Customer:

so he said 'ok, is it all or nothing with you.'

Customer:

i said yes

Customer:

am i right or being hard headed or ?

Russ0114 :But I think unless you know for sure that you don't want to try again after the New Year then I say, give it some time, talk to him after the New Year, let him know that you know about the online dating and request that he put all of his cards on the table.

Russ0114 :I think you're being smart.

Russ0114 :He can't have his cake and eat it too which is exactly what it sounds like he's trying to do.

Customer:

well, him online dating makes me want to close the door forever to him

Customer:

i will give it time tho

Customer:

ok, thank you

Russ0114 :You're welcome and my best advice is take everything into consideration when making your final decision.

Russ0114 :If it doesn't feel right, trust that feeling because it probably isn't.

Customer:

ok, got it. thank you very much.

Customer:

one more thing

Russ0114 :Sure.

Customer:

is it a guy thing to jump back into dating or just a jerk guy thing to do

Customer:

lol

Customer:

he is a needy type

Customer:

dosn't like to be al one

Russ0114 :LOL, definitely a jerk guy thing.

Customer:

ok

Russ0114 :In his case it could be the combo og

Customer:

thanks!

Customer:

of?

Customer:

oh. being needy

Customer:

he is a relationship guy

Russ0114 :Yes of, darn auto correct!

Russ0114 :I was going to say his need for serial relationships.

Customer:

well, he says he wants marriage

Customer:

he is divorced btw (6 yrs) i have never married

Russ0114 :And did he say why he divorced?

Customer:

he said she changed after having the children

Customer:

that she has mental issues. bipolar and she was hard to live with

Customer:

he loves his children dearly tho

Customer:

very good dad

Customer:

i think they married due to pregnancy

Customer:

and he tried to work it out but she became mean and cold

Customer:

i've met her, she is

Customer:

(cold)

Russ0114 :Ok

Customer:

well, i will take everything into consideration as you suggested and to trust my feelings on this if not feeling right

Customer:

good advice

Russ0114 :Just make sure that you take all of the information you know and really reflect on it and make your decision from there.

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