How many times do you explain to your LO?

How many times do you explain something to your LO? Like for instance, he/she is playing with something they shouldn't have, you take it away and explain why, distract, show something new etc. but he/she throws a fit and wants THAT thing crying. Or it could be a behavior.

I try to explain it to my son once and distract. Or show him something new to do/play with. My husband will fricken write a novel over why he can't play with something. I feel like it only makes it worse, like he is focusing on the behavior even after explaining it once or twice. It's driving me nuts. Why isn't it enough after saying it once but explaining it over and over does not seem to help and I feel like it feeds the tantrum. Not to mention its exhausting to hear all the time.

Comments (13)

I keep it to 20 seconds or under and try to concentrate on moving on. Any more than that and I think you are just creating drama.

Honestly, unless it's a complicated issue, I try to do the same with all my kids, even my oldest. Sometimes lectures can become a punishment, you know? Plus I'm the boss. I will negotiate or compromise when it's called for, but my family isn't run democratically. I'm the boss.

We don't do a lot of explaining at all - pretty much keep it short and sweet. I do not think they really want to know "why" they can't play at that moment or go where they want to go at that moment - they just want to do it and have a tantrum when you deny it. They'll work it out and move on or we help with re-direction pretty often. Over-explaining leads to frustration for everyone IMO. I read somewhere that if you over explain to a child, it can create a power struggle - obviously more so as they get older and can talk back.

I agree that you're just feeding the tantrum. I think at this age (and for a while), long explainations are pointless. They don't understand complex concepts half the time and even if they did, the chance that they'd care is pretty low. When it's something simple, I think over explaining is just encouraging a tantrum like you said. A simple, "No. Don't touch the stove. It's hot. Hot. Ouch! Hot." is perfect in my opinion. A, "No, sweetie. No. We don't touch the stove because it is hot. It is hot and because it is hot, it will burn you. Don't cry... no no. It's just that the stove is hot and if you touch it, you'll get burned. I know, I know... but I can't let you touch the stove because you'll get a boo boo and that'd make me so sad..." is rewarding the tantrum with an awful lot of attention and probably even confuses/hides the actual POINT of what you're saying.

I have to repeat every day, multiple times a day, but it's really short, like KJR said above. When they are older, then you can spend more time explaining, but not for awhile yet. Even my 8yo sometimes needs just a short explanation because if it's too long, then he tries to negotiate or starts whining in the hopes of getting his way. Long explanations are for long after the fact when everyone is calmly sitting around eating dinner or relaxed and having a question and answer discussion. My 8yo thinks about things for days or weeks nad will ask me about things and that's when I can really help him to make connections about why he should or shouldn't do something.

I keep it short, use simple words and sentences, and get straight to the point (maybe less than 30 seconds). At this age, they have a very short attention span, no need to elaborate. My DD throws tantrums, too, when we tell her "no". She's not verbal enough to express her feelings, so she throws a fit to tell us how she feels. It's tiring to hear her tantrums, but I don't want her to get away with murder when she's older. She's a feisty one...I think I will have my hands full.

I keep explanations short, really short. I just say "hot very hot", "its sharp ouch", "you're going to fall", "too many people", "cars coming", "lets wait a bit". Then I do distraction. If she is in the right mood I can give a "long" explanation then start talking about something else. If I dont keep it short when she is not in a nice mood, she has a tantrum. I also have my concerned voice that I only use when is something very dangerous. That seems to help.

Oh my gosh fantastic advice...thank you so much! Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and you ladies help me so much. I think you are all right, keep it short....now how to get my husband to keep it short... :)

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