FAA Mandates Sippy Cups on Flights

WASHINGTON—In response to the false hijacking alarm triggered by a cup of spilled coffee last week, the FAA issued a statement Monday mandating that pilots use sippy cups on all domestic and international flights.

“Drinking out of big-boy cups is a privilege, not a right,” commented FAA Administrator, Randy Babbitt. “When our pilots show they have grown up, they can have that privilege back.” Babbitt also announced today that the FAA would be issuing Mickey Mouse and Big Bird cups to airlines with the hope of getting a cup in every pilot’s hand by the end of the week.

Although the move has had widespread support on Capitol Hill, the move has unsurprisingly been met with stiff resistance by pilots and pilot advocacy groups. The National Union of Airline Pilots (NUAP) threatened to challenge the new regulation, stating, “If our pilots want to drink Juicy Juice while on the job, they should be able to do it like the grown-ups that they are.”

Babbitt also let slip that the FAA was planning to implement a new time-out policy next year for “naughty passengers, such as those made infamous on September 11th.”