Amelia fails to pull it off and goes down insteadBy: Ibrahim E.Botswana, Age 67/3/1937

Grave news was today received from the USS Itasca, the Coastguard cutter, off Howland Island in the central Pacific. ''Amelia Earhart, the well known aviatrix, has failed to pull it off'', said Commander Thompson of Itasca. ''She gave it her best, but eventually had to admit defeat and went down. I was personally very disappointed in her performance as she has always managed to deliver the goods in the past''.Commander Thompson should know. He is an old salt with plenty of experience. He claimed he could have handled it better himself. ''Of course some people would say that you should never put yourself in the hands of a woman and I'm sure Fred Noonan rues the day he ever clapped eyes on her,'' he said. ''However, there is no doubt that she took him to the heavens and then eventually to heaven itself. What a way to go eh? Out with a bang! Better than with a whimper don't you think?'' Commander Thompson also said a number of other things about Amelia Earhart that can't be printed here as we are a family newspaper (although we heartily agree with him).However we were able to print some of his less controversial recollections.''She was a remarkable woman'' said Commander Thompson, ''and I would almost wholeheartedly recommend her to nearly anyone. She had a great talent and it was one that she was very generous with. Very generous indeed. In fact she was so generous it was remarkable. Quite remarkable''.And so we leave Commander Thompson to his reverie before we get involved in a lawsuit.