lol if only u would take care of ur mistakes it would be a good start. but no one is perfect. love the way samus just loves to torture him. im sensing a dominatrix pattern here( hope it happens and apoc gets to get hurt by her a bit more ) and also make sure she does kill in a painful way. she does seem to be nice to nice ppl but in the job she is just a mech that shoots first, blows everything up second and thirdly asks questions. well hope u write the next one soon. see ya next mission

well...its differant, i'll give you that. if Apoc has those kind of abilitys, then he would have been a Sueish charater. a number of grammatical errors, but simply things like adding in a ' after a word to show ownership, or more commas, as you have a lot of run on sentences. Samus seems a little to caring, because why would she even bother training such a weak and cowardly person in the first place? she wouldnt bother training him, just dumo him off somewhere and leave. well, it has potential and you have the potential to write well. Try going to other fandoms or the library and reading more actual works to expand both your vocab and imagination. Roll On!

I just started reading this a awhile ago, I thought the concept of the plot should proove pretty humorous, I was right for the most part, as there are quite a few things that bother me about this fic.

For starters, obviously, there's the grammar/spelling mistakes, I take it your first language isn't english? (not mine either, btw :) ). I'm a little picky about that, since it tends to turn many people (myself included sometimes) off the story. which is understandable to a certain extent... like in videogames themselves, whenever there's a translation mistake at a key part of the plot, it's just plain unsexy haha.

Second, in answer to your question in chapter 3. No, I don't really like your version of Samus, mainly cause she seems lacking on the personality department and then there's also somewhat the use of 'game mechanics/terms' (don't know what's the best word for it)... for instance, quoting a sentence in chapter 3, "I use my Screw Attack and Space Jump to, literally, fly above my enemies, taking Apoc with me". That sounds plain weird to me, cause first off, this isn't the actual game, it's a written story, and while most of us (who have, in fact, played the game) know what you're talking about, it would sound plain '?' to people who aren't familiar with the series... while something like that would work for a metroid strategy guide, it sure don't work for fanfiction/stories/whatever.

And now my third and biggest gripe about this fic is the changing POVs. Mainly, cause it's awkward, the second you changed to Samus' POV, for instance, I had to adjust to a whole new way of storytelling. The charm of this fic is Apoc, and the way he sees things with a certain cluelessness, the second you change to Samus, the charm is gone and leaves us to adjust... not good. When you start a fic by narrating it in first person, keep the narrator a single person.

I read the new chapter. That went in an interesting direction. I wasn't expecting Samus to agree to train him. Ha, ha, Apoc is such a whiner in this chapter. There were a few parts where you used "were" when you should have used "was". "I am, but I were human" should be "I am, but I was human". Well, have a nice day.

Sorry it took me a while to review. I've been kind of busy and haven't visited this site in almost a week. Your version of Samus is o.k. I think. Possibly kind of different from the games but you can still tell she's Samus. I'm really not picky about how people choose to portray characters. Um, I don't know what stockholm syndrome means.

Ha, when you said this chapter had more action I didn't expect lasers, exploding buildings, and hungry aliens. I think you meant "death and destruction" rather than "death and distraction". And you forgot to make certain words plural. Now that you mention it, Apoc, might be a Gary Stu. Not sure, I don't really think about that kind of thing when I read. If he is a Gary Stu, he isn't one that gets on my nerves. Well, hope you get more reviews.

I like this story. It's kind of funny and I like the characters. Your spelling is good and your vocabulary is better than that of some native speakers but the grammar has some problems. I'm not bothered by it but other people could be. When you have a sentence with dialogue in it there should be a comma separating the part in quotations from the rest of the sentence.

Some of the sentences are structured wrong and you use the wrong words in several spots. "I will get a work." should be "I will get a job." You really are skilled at writing though. You might want to look into finding someone who would be willing to proofread what you write. Preferably someone else who is a skilled writer. Technically, I'd be able to proofread your story and fix the grammar but if I did it then something would be lost. The story just wouldn't be the same after I got through with it. Maybe there's someone on this site who can help you with that. Well, have a nice day.