Monday, January 16, 2017

Home

I’ve been working hard and I’m pretty satisfied with how the job is going. I need to find more opportunities for the company, part of the problem with the private sector, but the work itself I’m mostly enjoying. Or not enjoying because it’s a challenge—and that’s good too!

I got a bunch of new living room furniture in December and I love it. New couch, rug and coffee table. Sold the mid-century set I had and kept the old IKEA sofa. Good decision. Next step is some new bookcases for the dining area, where I currently keep most of my books. I got an estimate from a carpenter but I didn’t love his design—and it was something like a thousand dollars more than I was expecting. So that decision is back on hold, but I would like to do do something about it soon.

I booted someone from my knitting group who was a problem. She was driving people away because every conversation had to revolve around her. I felt bad—I feel bad—but I know it was the right decision for the group.

No real dating to speak of. My new friend (he's "Dan" from the July post), a guy I’ve been hanging out with for maybe a year, sort of made a pass at me on New Year’s Eve. We didn’t go out together, but he was out in my ‘hood and came over when I got home. I really like him and value him as a friend. He’s way younger than me (19 years!) and has a variety of mental health issues that make him seem like not a great boyfriend candidate. Maybe this is a mistake on my part? Maybe he was drunk and that “pass” (which was a cuddle on the couch) didn’t mean anything. I put an end to it and he apologized a lot (during and after). We haven’t spoken of it since or seen each other, though he’s still texting me all the time. We have a mostly a text-based friendship, though we see each other probably once a month. He texts me or FB messages many times a week and usually at least once a day. He typically initiates but I almost always respond in a timely fashion. I like having a friend but it’s kind of one-sided. When I come to him with problems, even mild ones, he listens but is mostly perplexed. So, I dunno. Most of the talks are about current events, movies, or some-such. Occasionally about his personal life and work issues. Anyway, that’s happening.

I hung out with Pele and her now 6-year-old daughter on Saturday. We had lunch then played with Legos a her house for a few hours. It’s been a long time since we had that kind of hang and I wish we did it more often. I’ll have to take more initiative instead of waiting to be asked. Sure, a lot of what they do is “family time” but I’m sure I could jump on that train once in a while.

I did way more traveling than I wanted to do in December and January. Dad really wanted me to come down to LA, where he was going to be. My eldest brother (B1) goes there every Christmas to be with his wife’s family (one of her siblings lives there). So, I went for four days. I drove dad and stepmom around and I walked the dog living where we were house sitting. I crashed this whole distant family’s Christmas—and it was fine. B1 was fine with me being there. His wife and her family are good people who I’ve met before and they were friendly and welcoming—in the sense of treating me like a regular family member who didn’t need any special treatment. Dad’s memory is terrible—he was finally officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's. He still knows who I am, so I’m grateful for that. He didn’t remember how old I was and alternated between asking me about my retirement plans and if I was going to lose my job (due to the new administration). According to my stepmother, I’m more patient than she is. I did ok. I didn’t get angry at him and only once said, “I’m only 47!” Still, I miss him. I am glad he’s still there in many ways that makes him recognizable but even before the diagnosis, I knew we were losing him. I accept it. I accept him as he is now. I miss who he was.

And then, last weekend, I went up to NY/NJ because one of my Israeli nieces was visiting. I did a lot of auntly duty—taking her shopping (she paid for her own stuff) and buying her coffee and lunch, and doing all the navigating. I didn’t enjoy myself, I don’t feel closer to her, but I did what I needed to do, which was help take care of her. She is in a fight with her parents and siblings and has cut everyone off. I’m not ok with this and think she is in the wrong, but I don’t want to shut her out. It’s terrible.

Any surprise that when I came home I was barely functional? I did manage to finally finish a project that has been my albatross for months—so this long weekend I’m not doing any work at all. When I get home (at coffee shop now) I will do some laundry, watch a movie, and finish knitting another what I like to call a “protest hat.” I’ll be marching around the day after the inauguration.

I’m not sure what to do about the blog. I can’t let it go. I want to try and post once a month at least. I’ll try.

Grateful for: family.

PS Marty from the July post is now history. He was too difficult and he started to make me unhappy all the time. Another good decision.

4 comments:

Dude, I've read your blog a long time, I remember Pele's baby shower...Sorry about the ALZ, going through that with my mother-in-law and I'm trying to brace hubs for when she doesn't remember him at all, which inevitably will happen. So, so hard, sorry you're going through it.Have fun at the march, makes me wish I still lived in or near DC to go. Anon11

Wow. Funny that you remember that! It's no fun getting old, that's for sure. Maybe you can find a local march to attend! I think having strong sister marches is almost as meaningful as getting a good turnout in DC.

I will be marching in Seattle with multiple family members representing 3 generations! Really sorry to hear your dad has this official diagnosis, though you had said it was going this way. Such a mix, to miss him and be glad for the parts that are still there.