Pre-Pregnancy Weight Just Around the Corner (It's Trying to Run and Hide)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Hot cochoor, or, a rare pop-culture rant

I know I’m a tad behind on this, but …the Oscars fashion this year? Oy. As Hollywood is increasingly producing, and the Academy honoring, movies that a) I’ve never heard of or b) I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot Red Vine, the lovely red-carpet gowns have become the only reason I pay attention to the whole galumphing over-produced enterprise at all. I don’t watch the presentation anymore; I spend maybe a couple of minutes in line at the grocery store checking out the dresses in People Magazine or checking Go Fug Yourself and MSN’s Undressed. I do love pretty dresses. The Academy Awards can usually produce a couple memorable ones, the good including Minnie Driver’s red dress the year Good Will Hunting was up, or Hilary Swank’s incredible blue number last year, and the bad harkening memories of Bjork’s swan and that awful pink thing with which Gwyneth Paltrow, the world’s most overrated actress, offended our eyes the year she undeservedly won for Shakespeare in Love.

But this year? Blech. The stylists seem to have called each other the night before and said, “Let’s go with a mud-colored theme! My celebrity will wear it if yours does! BFF!”

WHAT was Naomi Watts wearing?! And Michelle Williams! My eyes! Michelle Williams actually made it onto MSN’s best-dressed list. I can’t think why. Her dress put me in mind of the time my grandmother gave a bottle of yellow mustard a vigorous shake, only to find that the top was open. Her lipstick added that much-needed ketchup accent.

This may be my favorite dress of the evening. I have no idea who this person is, but she or her stylist has great taste.

Also, I may be one of the few people anymore who remember that Helena Bonham Carter started out her career in intelligent E. M. Forster and Shakespeare adaptations, with a few historical dramas thrown in. Her metamorphosis into Tim Burton’s latest muse/Goth chick wannabe saddens me deeply on an aesthetic level.