I have to chuckle; people ask me what motivated me to start lifting and how did I stick with it long enough to build something pretty fearsome. Truth is I did it to prepare for a grand battle with a person it is blasphemy to strike. Of course at the time, she was bigger than me and she was a tyrant. But I over shot, now I'm wayyyy bigger than her, plus old enough to know better: you don't hit your mother. Now, I've got all these muscles, all this battle fever, and no adversary. Oh well, at least I'm gay. Being a war machine with a chip on his shoulder seems to draw the men.

I miss talking to my mother. I mean really talking to her. We used to be such good friends.... Oh well I'm prb not remembering it right... and I miss my sister. She was the only one that accepted me and what I am...

I want people to stop judging me like a "weirdo" just because I come up with abstract ideas from time to time and I reject a lot of the set norms of society.

As a result, I seldom put on a real persona when talking to people face-to-face and literally feed them spoonfuls of the bullshit that they want to hear. This has been the result of 18, almost 19 years of criticism of my personal choices and views.

I feel secluded most of the time and while I don't enjoy it, I feel it necessary to "protect" myself.