Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Feeling better all the time. I think I am starting to mentally and internally feel better than I have for a long time. The actual surgery recovery is taking a long time, but that is coming too. I can tell in my heart that I have the cancer out of me and I am truly on the mend. It feels really good.

Energy comes and goes, but I am trying to make the best of it and take it slow. It is funny because no matter what you might want to do, your body decides right now. I had no idea I was so bossy and controlling, god bless Vik.

Everyone here seems to be doing better. The kids take their cues from me and as long as I try to do things they seem to feel life is returning to normal. Myah asked me if I wanted to go for a jog with her............ya right, Soon.

Just in case someone missed this on the blogathon...I go back to Dr. Kupets @ Sunnybrook on April 14/10 @ like 2:30pm. i will get my all clear or not that day...I am sure sure sure it will be all good and get back to normal.

i am worried for everyone at work. I can feel the stress and upset from home, can't imagine how it feels being there with all the pending layoffs, position losses. I can tell you I can't really handle it, my ability to roll with things is unfortunately broken right now. i do hope everything is settled soon and the stress is minimal.

Monday, March 29, 2010

I was out and about a lot, managed well and I still don't feel too crappy today. I am thrilled about that.

I rest when I can between events and that helped with being able to watch the kids finals, made us all feel normal.

Sam won the championship for soccer, he was thrilled. It was amazing. Big trophy, big self esteem boost.

Ben and Will both lost in the A final's to come in second place in their divisions, I think that is amazing. They both were so gracious and such classy, sportsmanlike players, it was neat to see them so grown up. Hockey is now officially over.

Lacrosse will start in a few weeks and all three boys will play. Sam has agreed to be goalie for Ben's team again, so an exciting season awaits.

Congratulations to all you Around the Bay runners, I followed you all and am proud of all of you, congratulations.

Vik took me to the movie's on Sat eve....we saw Hot Tub Time Machine. Stop what you are doing and go see it, I laughed until I blew a stitch, it is GREAT.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Better day today, much. I can see a pattern, takes me some time but I can see it now. I feel much better every second day. Cool, I can live with that. Got the OK to drive a little and that makes me feel free. Not that I can go far because of everything else but if I want to....heh I can.

Ben's leg it doing great, he is good as new.

Myah has taken to wearing a big bandage on her arm, no injury, just seeking attention....so if you see her feel free to shower her in love and caring..this is her goal.

Finals for hockey this weekend, and then all done. Both Ben and Will are playing both days this weekend. I am planning to try to catch at least one of the games, but need to play that by how I feel.

Samuell is also in the finals for soccer this Sat.

The big run is this Sunday........Around the Bay. I thought I would make it out...only to cheer you on, but doesn't look like that will happen. Amanda, Colleen, Maria, Trish, Jaq, Randy, and everyone else.............Smoke this thing for me. The weather rocks, don't want it too hot for the Bay or too cold. I think it will be just right. Everything is possible, just BELIEVE. I am cheering for you guys.....Trish...no no no keep going.

Ottawa is coming soon after, those that did 30...you can totally do the full. As Colleen would say "It is sooooooooo doable".

I truely love you all near and far.

Ferma and Chris thanks for the movie's, I am loving them.

Sonya, Rob and Teta and Stric.....wow, thanks so much for the amazing thoughtful prezzies....they are great and so thoughtful.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Well...It has been like I was back in high school for the last 4 days. SuAnne and I have not changed one bit...well a little, but not much, just a little older than our 12 year old selves. That just means we have more money. Thank you from the bottom of my heart SuAnne, I will miss you so much. Also thank you to Paul for looking after the girls so she could come and help look after me. My heart is lighter now. The only problem is I will miss you.

Kids are still struggling a bit. Not sure how to help them. I just hope I continue to get better faster so i at least start to appear normal. Myah has been in tears every 5 minutes and doesn't want anyone but me to do everything. They have each struggled in their own way and I am hoping this is almost over. We are all at our limit for now.

Janice and Kim sent a beautiful basket yesterday.........so cool. Thank you so much, I have never seen anything like that before.

Natalie what can I say....I love you too, they are beautiful. I cannot wait to get to this summer, I will be making you run down that long camp road with me again - of course we can stop to breath - but not for long. We miss you very much. Kids said they really wish you would come here and visit. Maybe at the start of July if you have nothing up...??

I continue to feel crappy most of the time. This is driven me crazy...not bored, too sick for that, but just want my life back. I catch glimpses of it here and there, but it still feels out of reach right now. I know it is just around the corner.

Monday, March 22, 2010

We had a good March break thanks to lots of help from everyone. Couldn't have done it without you guys. You kept our kids busy and happy. What more can we ask. Thank you so much from the bottom of my (our) heart.

I have SuAnne staying with me for a couple of days, all the way from Ottawa, to make sure I continue to rest and get better while everyone returns to work and school. We don't get to spend lots of time together anymore so this is really great and she is taking very good care of me. Gee I am really getting spoiled. Everyone can start to call me Eloise..I do kinda live in my apt...aka Penthouse most of the time anyway...(my bedroom).

I do feel better all the time, kinda one step forward, slow easy steps. I just want to be back to normal........still a ways off I think.

Thanks to Karen and Family for the special gift...wow.

Welcome home to the March breakers who left the area, glad to have you back.

Big giant thank you again for March break madness help....love you guys.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I actually went to see Sam play his last soccer game today in his tournament. He scored 2 goals, Sam U rock.It was really great to see him play, I actually felt normal for half an hour...and I showered, cool.

I can see I will heal quicker now that I am on my way...thank goodness...amen.It is easier to heal the surgery part and the emotional part is coming...slowly but coming.

Ben tossed us a curveball last eve...cut his leg.......5 stitches at Port Perry Hospital, Vik loved that.We have no dull moments at our house. Ben was worried he wouldn't be able to play hockey but it looks like he will make it.

I hope everyone is doing well this March break and getting ready to be back at it come Monday.

Vik has been working non stop on Will's bedroom...with Claus of course...I call them Dick and Richard. Such a cute couple. I will be thrilled if that room can get done.

I have napped and read most of the week and the days fall into each other, except I have Myah here to remind to hurry up and wake up and get up...she is not going to let me slack off at all.

I love you all

I have gotten the nicest letters of support and love from the most unexpected places, they are so wonderful to get and I appreciate them so very very much. I am grateful.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I am up and about....slow but sure. Can't sit up for too long, it makes me really tiered and sick.

I am definitely better every day, but it is still too slow for me.

I want to just be back to normal, not sure what the deal is with my need to fight the reality of the situation, I guess it is just me.

March break has been kinda funny, I can't do anything, including help out at all. We are actually enjoying our stay cation.

I can build anything and renovate and decorate now, hours and hours of fix it and sell it shows are teaching me a lot. Also makes our house look like a big pile of poop.

i thought I might drive the kids to the movie's the other day, but my good buddy Claus reminded me I was high on narcotics and put a stop to that...thanks Claus. I do keep pushing the envelope.

I sat in the sun all day yesterday and I actually do not look like a vampire today, a little colour goes a long way to feeling better.

I have to say thank you again for all the thoughtful, lovely truly meaningful gifts, activities for the kiddies and love. It makes me feel like a shitty friend compared to all of you...I promise to pull up my big girl panties and take your lead.

We continue to laugh a little louder each day around here and the silence is definitely over since Myah arrived home Tuesday eve.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This being unable to do much sucks.I am moving a bit more, but it is not easy and I still feel really exhausted and sick most of the time.I am not pushing it, but come on......It is scary how quickly your body stops working if you don't move it.

The weather is great sitting in my bedroom by the window in the big rocking chair, it is very healing.Sunshine does wonders for broken spirits.

The kids have been great, we get the other two home today so will have to see how that goes. I have really missed them.

I appreciate all the support you guys have been given me, dinner, flowers, lip gloss, bran muffins and more...and especially all the kindness and love, it blows me away.

Have a great Tuesday, almost half way through the March break...wow. We all better pay attention life is flying by.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

My first big adventure was to the Superstore with Vik. I forgot the rule of.........of where ever I go I must come back. Spent a whole lot of time in the furniture section sitting down. Just need some time to gear up to get back to the car.........Home safe and sound. I think I may go for a nap.

Today has started off not too bad. I am in the middle of my big test, nurse was here @ 8:45 to take it out, now I have to go...get it go...and then call them. They then return test it with what looks like a snake someone would use to unplug the toilet and if anything else comes out @ that time, back in it goes. I will update later, hopefully without the bag.

Nothing new around here, quiet weekend. I am sleeping less during the day and that makes the night sleeping better. It is very quiet without Sam and Myah here to stir things up.

I watched that movie where the Wild things are....not so much. I wasn't thrilled about it. SLOW.

It is so great to hear from the girls in the great white north....see we do live way too far apart. I say that every summer. I love you guys.

I put pants on right now cuz I can at least until she comes back...just because I can.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Happy Saturday and what is the first day of the March break. How is it we have gotten to the March break?? I do hope whatever your plans, near or far they are fun and safe. We have 2 less kids for 4 days thanks to Pamela and Rob and it actually feels like we have no kids. WEIRD. Good timing is everything and this is good timing for all of us.

I am up and around, a little trying to do more everyday. I am also nervous about the big test tomm. like what are the qualifications of these "nurses" coming into my house to "test" me. I don't trust them and they will have me in a pretty ackward situation, I think we might have to have a drink together before we do the test, just like a first date.

I guess all dignity goes out the window when we first have kids, but man it just keeps going down hill. It will give me a cuckle at some point so that might make it all worth while.

We are finally getting the computer issue around here resolved today we hope. This Vik has wanted since he turned 40, so big day for the big guy.

Good luck to all the hockey boys in the playoff games, play hard.

Had a lovely dilivery from Jill and Amy this AM...wow..Jill you are wonderful, thank you.

Luv the bag ladySam and Myah - I love and miss you, hope you are having fun....I know you are.

Friday, March 12, 2010

TGIF...the only downer is that I still have a tube coming out of my bladder. Kinda puts a new twist on a beer drinking contest, I could so win..never have to get up. My nurse (the real one) was here this AM and she says we are going to test taking the catheter out this Sunday, but I have to pass a test to keep it out....WHAT. How do you study for this type of test?? I will cram until Sunday to ensure I can get it out and keep it out. If it was that easy eh. There is hope though.

The kids had a contest all week in our attempt to get them to go to school. Ben won with overall standings and William finally finished in metal standing this AM. This has worked so well, it is a new program at the Utrosa household for daily scheduling timeliness.

Have a wonderful weekend, Vik is on duty after this afternoon, oh boy.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Well...yesterday was better. I see the pattern, takes me some time but ya about 2% better everyday, so in 50 days I will be 100%, gee when do we get to 50 days. I go in and out of feeling good. good for 1 hour, sleep for 3, good for 2 sleep for 1, etc etc.

I wish I could say I was bored but being laid up keeps you busy, just to go to have a face wash etc takes the entire morning, we all know I have no time for this.

I go back on April 14/10 to see Dr. Kupets for the pathology report and plan, so I have some time to feel better (I sure hope 50 days happens by then).

What can I say about the food coming into this house, wow. The kids have been loving it, they think we should keep this plan in place all the time, it is great. Thank you so much, had no idea how much we did need this and it is helping so much.

Kids are good, Vik is good. Pamela leaves Friday, I will miss nurse nancy. Vik is home to nurse me next week and Pamela is taking half the little people with her until Tuesday...This will help so much.

love the sun this week, it is urging me to be well.................I hear you mom.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Goodmorning pep's. It actually is a good morning. I am up and and around, thanks to nurse Nancy...who lets me get away with nothing. Good thing I love her. Kids played basketball and went to dance and sparks last night, all had good times and today are grumpy and tired. I slept most of yesterday, just not a good day, but today has started better, I know this because I can actually focus so far...I might even venture down the stairs later..wow who knew this would require much prompting and guidance, and support.

This is a good way to get in touch with me, I will check often.

I have heard from a good source that Sam's Dance contest winner is the Fyfe family....a think they are getting the big cheque...congratulations.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Today is day 4Shitty shit shit.Honest to God - I didn't sign up for this.Having said all of that. Every day a little better.I am still not up for calls or visits. But I know you are all out there cheering for me and doing all the little (and not so little) things to allow me to heal.Kiss your kids and love your better half tonight - love yaColleen