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Teacher Crushes

Teacher Crushes

Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:13 pm

by Caramia

Hey all,

I've noticed that there are a few posts about having crushes on teachers or being in love with their teacher. I want to warn those who are thinking of either telling their teacher or acting upon their feelings to think about the consequences.

When I was 16 I had a teacher who I had a crush on. I didn't admit it at the time, just called him a friend. We shared similer interests. He taught me piano, we talked music, he gave me advice, helped me with the subject he was teaching as I found it very difficult. We spent a lot of time, in the school building, talking - just the two of us.

Then I started working there after I finished my GCSEs as I was interested in science and I was good friends with the science technician (her husband was my tutor) and this teacher saw me in a different light. Stopped seeing me as a pupil but more as a work collegue. I then did some work for him as I was buying his iPod off of him and he took me out to the cinema, to the pub (for food) and walking. I felt a little uncomfortable, but didn't and couldn't say no - I don't know why. Over the summer, I saw him most days. Then I started 6th form and he told me he was in love with me. I distinctly remember thinking that I didn't want him to say it (in my head). I felt awful as I didn't feel the same. We went away for a weekend and I lost my virginity to him. Then my mum found out. She banned me from seeing him. We agreed to call it a day as she was threatening to tell the police and the school (I wasn't at that school anymore as the 6th form was a totally different school).

A month later, he found me walking home and we started the relationship up again. My mum soon found out and he left his girlfriend who he's been with for 14 years. Mum agreed to let me see him. She didn't have a problem with the age gap, just that he was my teacher. 3 months later he broke up with me and went back to his girlfriend. He's now married her and has a little girl.

5 years on and it still affects me. I've had many downs, but amazing people to support me through it all.It's time for him to take responsibility for what he did. I didn't understand the consequences of my actions at 16. I never thought it would affect me like this. He should have known better.

So those of you who have crushes on teachers, what I'm saying is, please be careful. Some will act how they are supposed to - I hope most will. But there are the odd few who don't act responsibly.The fantasy is much better than the reality - trust me.

xxxx

Re: Teacher Crushes

Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:38 pm

by dipsydoodlenoodle

I think this is a really good post because you've been there and done it and can warn other people far better than the likes of me.

Well done for getting on with your life.

Sorry if I am prying but do you think if the guy wasn't a teacher but a boy of your age it would have affected you in the same ways? - I know you can't say for definate but just your opinion as it may help other people who are thinking about acting on teacher crushes understand why it is wrong.

Re: Teacher Crushes

Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:46 pm

by snail

Caramia wrote: I didn't understand the consequences of my actions at 16. I never thought it would affect me like this. He should have known better.

Exactly.

Thanks for posting this, Caramia, I think it's very helpful.

Re: Teacher Crushes

Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:14 pm

by Caramia

dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:Sorry if I am prying but do you think if the guy wasn't a teacher but a boy of your age it would have affected you in the same ways? - I know you can't say for definate but just your opinion as it may help other people who are thinking about acting on teacher crushes understand why it is wrong.

If it was a boy my age it wouldn't have affected me in the same way, no. I've had boyfriends since and they've not affected me like that. There was no little voice in my head that said "no" with them.

At the time, despite knowing deep down in my gut that it was wrong, I still fought for the relationship. I'm not sure how I supressed the little voice that said "no", but one day it just stopped. I don't think I can really say why it's wrong, it's just that in the long run, 16 is not the age to be with someone who is twice that. Like how my mum felt, the age gap wasn't the problem, it's the fact he was my teacher. That's what's wrong. He's in a position of power and has abused that. Some people go as far as to say that he was "grooming" me. I don't think that was the case.

One thing that I found hard to get my head around, was trying to feel exactly what I was feeling. Ie people told me that he was grooming me, that he's brainwashed me, that he's a predator, that I'm a victim. And that is just as damaging. I think that's how I stopped the little voice that said "no" because I stopped feeling what I was feeling. Instead I was feeling what I thought I should be feeling.

If anyone wants to ask me any questions, please do. Or you can PM me. If you look over some of my older posts, there are a few from when I was with the teacher. I'm amazed, myself, at the difference in me then and now!