Making Lucky Charms Unlucky When You Don’t Want Sex

Bad guys are everywhere, at least if you listen to the nutters at the NRA. Among this week’s accused criminals: a persnickety art lover, a police dispatcher who ended up a DEA target, and a woman who really, really tried to avoid having sex with her husband.

Cops: Woman Poisoned Husband’s Cereal to Avoid Sex: A Nevada woman is still on the run almost two years after confessing to poisoning her husband’s Lucky Charms cereal because she didn’t want sex. The husband, now an ex, has moved to California but says he is still worried that Andrea Heming will resurface. In 2015, Heming admitted putting boric acid, a poison used to kill cockroaches and other pests, in her husband’s cereal.

Guard Gets Whacked on Head Over Tilted Painting: An apparently persnickety art lover was so incensed about a painting in the Metropolitan Museum of Art being askew that he went after a security guard. Police say that when a man believed to be in his mid-20s approached the guard and told him a painting was crooked, the guard told him to report the problem to the information desk. As the guard turned away, the man smashed a bottle over his head, and allegedly shouted this line.

Cops Find Hundreds of Pounds of Pot in Dispatcher’s Cellar: A police dispatcher in Cincinnati was recently caught with “approximately a couple hundred pounds of marijuana” in her basement, police say. Teneal Poole, 36, faces two felony drug charges, but she told authorities the pot, which was found by the DEA, actually belonged to this 40-year-old.

High-Speed Chase Begins in Unlikeliest of Spots: A woman weaved aggressively through a funeral procession in Virginia Saturday afternoon and ultimately led police on a chase hitting speeds of more than 100mph, authorities say. As deputies escorted the funeral procession, police say Kara Rene Deans, a 22-year-old woman not involved in the procession, started changing lanes and passing cars in the procession. Cops say she ultimately made a pretty tasteless maneuver.

Cops: 10-Year-Old’s Idea of ‘Fun’ Gets Mom Arrested: Not surprising: a 10-year-old boy proclaiming, “This is fun!” as he zips around town behind the wheel of his mom’s Jeep Grand Cherokee. Even less surprising: the mom getting arrested for allegedly letting him do so. That’s what police say recently happened in Monroe, where they arrested 38-year-old Lisa Nussbaum. The potentially surprising part of this all: Facebook.