If Only Trump Were a Dictator

I keep hearing the president’s detractors refer to him as Hitler, Stalin and the Devil. That would suggest that he is not only evil incarnate but that he literally has the blood and tormented souls of millions of people on his hands. So far as I can tell, the only thing he’s likely to have on his hands is a bit of McDonald’s special sauce.

I’m not saying I want to see us flush the Constitution down the toilet, but I am getting a little testy when it comes to Schumer’s gang of 49 in cahoots with a corrupt media and John McCain, Jeff Flake and Lindsey Graham doing everything in their power to derail Trump’s America First agenda.

Although I tend to distrust polls these days because their results tend to reflect the political bias of those conducting the polls, I was heartened to find that Trump’s approval numbers had risen from 38% to 45% in recent months, pretty much corresponding to the passage of his tax reform bill.

On the other hand, another poll indicated that only 40% of the electorate gave Trump credit for the soaring economy, with 22% of the cuckoos stating he’s made it worse and 34% failing to recognize that the economy has improved since Barack Obama vacated the premises.

Washington, DC, was abuzz with the news that Trump had agreed to be grilled by Robert Mueller. If the rumors are true, James Comey’s best friend has pretty much given up on tying Trump’s campaign to Vladimir Putin and is instead going to try to nail him for attempting to impede justice by firing FBI Director James Comey.

The fact of the matter is that the president, any president, can fire an FBI director for any reason, including having bad breath or, in Comey’s case, being too tall or being a lying sack of partisan manure. My only question is why Trump took so long to dump him.

If Mueller has any questions along those lines, he should also ask Trump why he didn’t fire Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok and Rod Rosenstein while he was at it. Even I would like to hear him answer that one.

California’s gag gifts to the nation, Sen. Dianne Feinstein and Rep. Adam Schiff, have announced that anyone in or out of Congress who wishes to see what’s in a four-page memo that alleges that America’s intelligence agencies illegally spied on American citizens during the 2016 presidential campaign are working as tools of the Kremlin in order to undermine our trust in those agencies.

Take that, you stupid pawns of the Russkies! How dare you question those rogue agents who are carrying on like the secret police in totalitarian states?! In places, it just so happens, that are very much like Russia, and not all that different from the way that Gov. Jerry Brown and State Attorney General Xavier Becerra are running things in California.

What I find particularly suspicious is that nobody has leaked the memo. Could it possibly be because for once it would put Democrats in a bad light, whereas everything the media ever needed in order to demean Donald Trump was made readily available by leakers, whether it was his alleged use of “s—holes” or private conversations with foreign heads of states?

In a similar vein, we have been constantly told that texts and email are forever, but people like Lois Lerner, Hillary Clinton and those two little adulterers at the FBI, Peter Strzok and Lisa Evans, seem to have the magical power to make tens of thousands of their electronic messages vanish into outer space.

Speaking of Strzok and Evans, both of whom were married to other people at the time they were carrying on, and they will, no doubt, eventually be co-hosting a talk show on MSNBC, I had always thought that adultery was a firing offense at the FBI because it made the cheaters susceptible to threats of blackmail. So how is it that these two are still on the federal payroll?

As someone who occasionally ventures into the field of satire, I resent elitists who engage in such audacious self-satire, it hardly leaves me with anything to add. For instance, late night talk-show host Conan O'Brien reported from a pricey resort in Haiti that those who have dismissed the place as a s—hole are whack jobs; that, in fact, Haiti is an island paradise.

I suppose if you never venture too far from the poi pond and the all-you-can-eat buffet, you might never notice that Haiti doesn’t have a functioning sewer system, meaning that it is both figuratively and literally a s—hole.

But that’s how it is with wealthy elitists. You can set them down anywhere on earth, no matter how rancid the place might be, and so long as they accept American Express at the few hotels and restaurants that cater to millionaires, they’re prepared to grin and bear it. I suspect that as long as the Mai-Tai’s were available 24/7 and the guests were provided with their own private spas, rich liberals would find nice things to say about Hades, at least to the extent that it’s a nice place to visit but they wouldn’t want to be dead there.

In one of those all-too-typical ironies of modern life, a thousand people allegedly concerned about global warming and carbon footprints flew a thousand private jets into Davos, Switzerland, and were then driven in limousines to hear President Trump tell them that in the future their business interests had better be in America’s interests as well or they might soon find themselves flying tourist.

A friend passed along a number of what were called enigmas but were, in fact, logical questions that have occurred to everyone who doesn’t have his head stuck so far up his behind, he’s sneezing through his ears.

How can the federal government demand that American citizens pay back student loans when illegal aliens are given a free ride?

Only in America are legal citizens labeled “racists” and “Nazis” but illegal aliens are called “Dreamers.”

Liberals say, “If confiscating all guns saves just one life, it’s worth it.” In that case, if deporting all illegal aliens saves just one life, wouldn’t that be worth it as well?

How can you proudly wave the flag of another country but call it a punishment to be sent back there?

It has been said that “need” now means wanting someone else’s money. “Greed” has come to mean wanting to hang on to one’s own money. And “compassion” is what they’ve come to call it when a Democrat arranges the transfer.

The more I hear Congress and Trump debating the Wall, the queasier I’m feeling. I used to believe I knew what a wall was and pretty much what it would look like, but now I’m hearing that in places it would only be a fence and in other places we would leave it to Mother Nature to provide for America’s security with mountains, rivers and deserts.

I might be more of a believer if I hadn’t heard rumors that 2300 years ago, a Carthaginian general named Hannibal and his army invaded Italy by riding elephants through the Alps.

If the Alps couldn’t stop elephants, what chance is there that a few Arizona hills and Texas rivers are going to stop coyotes and mules from flooding the country with drugs and future generations of illegal aliens?

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