[Music Playing]
Andrea Savage: Oh. I'm a busy woman. With a lot on my plate. And I'm a Republican.
Judy Greer: I need a government that can move with the times. And I am a Republican.
Kate Beckinsale: What do real Republican women want from their government?
Judy Greer: I don't want government in my banks.
Andrea Savage: I don't want government in my classrooms.
Kate Beckinsale: Where do I want government? In my vagina!
Andrea Savage: In my vagina.
Judy Greer: Way, way, deep. Up, up there in my vagina.
Andrea Savage: In my mother's vagina.
Judy Greer: In my daughter's vagina.
Kate Beckinsale: [Sniffles] In my great grandmother's vagina.
Andrea Savage: My right to choose? What about my right to choose to not have a choice?
Kate Beckinsale: Being a woman means having a vagina. But, it doesn't mean we want to have control of it.
Andrea Savage: They're gooshy and they secrete things. Have you ever really looked at it? It looks like an unshaven clown.
Judy Greer: They're actually kind of scary. They're like a black hole. Like a massive black hole that lures thousands of stars into its unrelenting gravitational pull. No, no, n-n-n-no. Not thousand. Just one. Sorry. I messed, I messed that up. It's one star. It lures one star.
Andrea Savage: Joey! You can't have a cookie before dinner. Look, I make big decisions all day. And now the Democrats want me to make even more?
Judy Greer: I could have the government provide access to affordable birth control. Decide when I want to get pregnant, and do tests on the fetus to make sure it's healthy and then have a baby.
Kate Beckinsale: Or, the government could restrict birth control, up my chances of getting pregnant with an unwanted child.
Andrea Savage: Forcing me to have an invasive vaginal ultrasound with no diagnostic purpose.
Judy Greer: Scare me into refusing tests that they say more often than not end in abortion.
Kate Beckinsale: And then have a baby. It's just easier.
Judy Greer: Who are you gonna listen to? Your doctor?
Andrea Savage: Or a Republican?
Kate Beckinsale: Don't you want someone like your dad in your vagina? I do.
Andrea Savage: I do.
Judy Greer: Oh! I'd love to have my dad involved in my vagina!
Andrea Savage: Luckily, during rape and incest, my omnipotent vagina knows it's wrong and secretes a hormone to keep me from getting pregnant. We all win!
Kate Beckinsale: Let the Oval Office take care of your oval office.
Judy Greer: Open up your legs and let the government in.
[Descending Whistle]
Announcer: Paid for by the Real Republican Real Women of Real America.
[Music Playing]