Just for the record, anybody who asked me to write thank you notes for them would regret it. My penmanship is atrocious. I'd call it chicken scratch, but the chicken would do it better. My doctor has more legible handwriting.

My mother, a doctor, has superb handwriting. When people knew that one of my parent's was a doctor, they always assumed it was my dad because his penmanship was awful (as is mine.)

Dear Ant May, Thanks for the kettle. Where's the rest of my gift? BrideDear Fred and MaryJeanJane Thanks for the toaster. I love toast I eat it for breakfast everyday.I like to putraspberry jam on it but the seeds get stuck on my teeth so I usualyy put pair jam on it.Bride

i am really lucky in the respects that i have dyspraxia so my handwriting, for want of a better word is under developed! People who have asked me to write things for them, soon relaise it's not the best thing to ask me. Mwahhhhhhhhhhhh

If the Bride had the time to assemble the papers, pens and lists of the gifts that should be acknowledged, if she had the time to provide the names and addresses of those who should receive TYs to her Bridesmaids, she had the time to write the ding-dangety things herself.

I did help out with TYs when FIL died. MIL wrote the notes. I addressed them, put the postage on the envelopes and mailed them. To me, this was a reasonable way to handle the situation.

What the OP relates is not reasonable at all. Bridal attendants came for a lovely meal and found a box at their places. They think it may be a gift. Instead, it becomes something out of a Dickensean novel.

'When you have finished writing your 70 TYs to my satisfaction, you may begin to think about ordering something to eat'.

Given the story, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bride didn't strongly suggest burgers and fries all around. While she enjoyed filet mignon.

If the Bride had the time to assemble the papers, pens and lists of the gifts that should be acknowledged, if she had the time to provide the names and addresses of those who should receive TYs to her Bridesmaids, she had the time to write the ding-dangety things herself.

I did help out with TYs when FIL died. MIL wrote the notes. I addressed them, put the postage on the envelopes and mailed them. To me, this was a reasonable way to handle the situation.

What the OP relates is not reasonable at all. Bridal attendants came for a lovely meal and found a box at their places. They think it may be a gift. Instead, it becomes something out of a Dickensean novel.

'When you have finished writing your 70 TYs to my satisfaction, you may begin to think about ordering something to eat'.

Given the story, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bride didn't strongly suggest burgers and fries all around. While she enjoyed filet mignon.

I also think the joy of a wedding isn't as crippling as the pain of a loss...thank you for helping your MIL.

If the Bride had the time to assemble the papers, pens and lists of the gifts that should be acknowledged, if she had the time to provide the names and addresses of those who should receive TYs to her Bridesmaids, she had the time to write the ding-dangety things herself.

I don't think this can be said without info we don't have. I'm currently planning my wedding and the very first thing my DF and I did was create a spreadsheet of all our guests, including their addresses. We've added columns as things progress (STD sent? Invite to shower? Etc) and will add "gift received" and "thank you sent" once that becomes relevant. I got this idea of a spreadsheet from 2 previously married women, one married 10+ years ago (IOW its not a new concept). So really "assembling" all the info (name, address, gift given) would require all of 1 second to click "print".

Getting older changes everything.In my younger years, there is no doubt that I would have joined in the letter writing and then moaned about it. However, age does go with experience and now at 50 I can quite comfortably politely turn down a request like this. I started to agree with the point about being spineless, and then I thought back to my twenties when I was so unassertive that I ended up doing all sorts of stuff I shouldn't have done.

It goes the other way too. There are things that I have done when I was younger where my etiquette was far from perfect; and I always aim to please people. I can't say I did anything quite so extreme but if we are friends they they deserve to be enlightened as to the problem. Her closest friend at the thank you signing should have taken her aside and kindly tell her that this is not the way to do it.

We moan on these websites...but unless we provide constructive feedback to our friends (and those we are close to) how on earth will people learn the right way to do things. Maybe it was a suggestion from someone else who assured her it would be okay. A few years on I expect the poor bride will be horrified at what she did...give her a chance

When I originally read that submission, my first thought was how could the bridesmaid write polite thank yous that made the bride and groom look like a pair of donkeys? I really wish some of the forced note writers had written notes like:

Dear Aunt So-and-so,

Bride & groom wanted to thank you for the lovely crystal bowl you gave them for their wedding. They will think of you whenever they look at it.

Sincerely, bridesmaid

That kind of thank you would be polite but there would be no mistaking who wrote it. Could you imagine all the messages the happy couple would on their answering machine when they got home from their honeymoon? Especially if all the bridesmaids followed suit.

THIS I was thinking this as I read the thread then wow it showed up. From a post in 2007. Still a great solution, honest and to the point.