Both lines above come from TS Eliot’s poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. In the 130 line poem Eliot explores Life from the depths of the ocean floor where one scrabbles out a living on ragged claws to the heights of the universe and the immensity of Life that resides in between.

Uhm. Okay. At least that is what I see and think when I read it.

Unfortunately <or fortunately> I am no literary expert and therefore do not have the ability to tear his writing apart evaluating what they call ‘literary allusion’ <… pulling from Donne, Dante, Shakespeare and Marvel to Chaucer, Hesiod and the Bible. A reader has to take these allusions on board to get the most out of his poems, though on the surface they are fairly accessible>.

Therefore. I can only tell you what I think after I read it. That must mean ‘what is on the surface’ is what I imagine the experts would suggest I am doing. So take what I share with a grain of salt.

Ok. I admit that TS Eliot poems tend to make me think — stark language steeped with cynicism and a hint of urgency driven by desperation, but always with an introspective look at Life.

This poem is about a person’s desperation that time in Life is running out and he hasn’t made his mark on the world.

I believe most of us have an ongoing thread of ‘am I being meaningful’ in Life. It is ongoing from the time we begin wondering what we will do in Life through the moment we step out of school and into the real world and continues as we do what we need to do day in and day out to survive and be the best we can within the circumstances we exist in.

But. I do tend to believe with age we begin to obsess a little more over the whole idea of ‘being meaningful.’

That is what the poem makes me think about. A man looking back on his Life, and at his life, and desperately assessing what could have been.

In my pea like brain the whole idea centers on adequacy.

Adequacy:Equal to what is required or expected but not exceeding it by much. Adequate is suitable to the case or occasion. Nothing to rave about but meets what is needed.

I purposefully chose adequate to share my thoughts because it suggests we have what it takes to do what we need to do in Life, yet, is adequate enough?

Most of us muddle through Life with small glimpses of something bigger. Maybe it is slightly beyond our grasp for some reason we cannot truly understand, but the glimpse remains etched in our minds in such a way we tend to come back to it again and again in our thoughts.

I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,

And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,

And in short, I was afraid.

Is this what we fear as we ponder our lives?

That Death mocks us as it awaits our arrival?

The arrival could be years away … but it can be seen mocking even from afar. I imagine the thought behind the mocking is found within us in that I was afraid I was not good enough, did enough or been enough of what I could have been. The thought I wasn’t adequate to be anything more than what I was.

There is a self-consciousness with constant introspection and anxiety about mortality and fragility of ‘doing something’ in life.

The poem digs deep into a self reflected desperation, which I don’t see as all consuming, but rather a moment of deep thought. A thought so deep that Life begins to become overcome with feelings of self-consciousness and regret and echoes of a hundred indecisions and a hundred visions and revisions.

The hundreds bombarding you in that one moment.

Luckily we tend to shed these moments well and move on. When we don’t we tend to be haunted.

Are we haunted by the Life led?

Or by the Life which we never led?

Regardless we are haunted. This kind of soul searching for meaning is often simply seeking a richer association with Life than simply scrabbling with ragged claws. And in that search and introspection of adequacy we often seem to dare to peek at unimaginable heights. The heights which we are uncertain we are adequate enough to not only explore but to survive and prosper.

Which leads to my favorite part of the poem.

There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to murder and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate,

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,

And for a hundred visions and revisions,

Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go

Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time

To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”

Do I dare?

Do I dare to walk among the disdain I expect from the people who talk of Michelangelo?

Am I good enough to accept that I will have my time just as you have yours?

Am I only adequate to use ragged claws to survive the day to day depths of life?

Am I adequate enough to actually dare to do, and be, more .. to actually disturb the universe?

And then there is the immensity of Life that resides somewhere in between.

I tend to believe while we do not dwell on these types of questions most of us ask them of ourselves at one time or another.

Ok. I will admit. It is poems like this that one ponders whether they have made a mark in the world.

Have they done something meaningful or maybe more importantly … ‘am I meaningful.’ And I don’t mean to people <because someone always cares about you> … I mean meaningful to something bigger … Life.

It is only the arrogant who say ‘yes I have.’

The majority of us just wonder.

And there is a discomfort in not knowing.

Discomfort in not knowing if you have not only been adequate or whether you would have been adequate doing more.

Discomfort in not really knowing how ‘big’ we could be.

Discomfort in the belief that our ‘adequate’ made us little.

Discomfort in not really knowing if you could have been better … done better … and made a better difference.

In the end. I gotta tell ya. Having a tombstone read “he dared disturb the universe” would be quite a legacy.

Anyway.

To close. A thought from Marianne Williamson which seems to tie well with the poem.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

“Your greatest need is to clean out the enormous mass of mental and emotional rubbish that clutters your mind.

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day.

This is a power you can cultivate.

If you want to control things in your life, work on controlling your mind. In most cases, that’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”

–

Marc Hack

=================

So. Controlling things <shit>, in general, in Life, in business and, well, in everywhere I imagine, is possibly the least possible objective of all.

Yet. In some form or fashion we attempt again and again to gain & maintain some control over all the shit we are faced with day in & day out. Pragmatically this is our attempt to offer some sanity to what can seem like a fairly insanely chaotic life.

All that said. Control, for the most part, is an illusion. It is an attractive illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.

But. As the world swirls around you like a hurricane I would suggest the one thing you can control is your mind and what you think. It ain’t easy, but it is doable.

Control when you think.

Not everything takes a shitload of thinking. This is my way of suggesting overthinking is a bad thing. Uhm. So is underthinking. Controlling when you think is about “thinking just enough” – not over or under – when faced with something. Some would call this ‘maximizing efficient thinking.’ I would simply call it learning how to not overthink or underthink something. This comes naturally to an incredibly small % of people, let’s make up a number, less than 5% of people. Haggle with that number of you would like but I offer it to make the point that the majority of people who say “I am a good thinker” <with regard to over & underthinking> are probably not.

You have to learn how to do this. My guess is even if you are a great learner no one truly becomes an expert at this.

Control how you think.

Our minds are often like people viewing an all-you-can-eat buffet table … we will inevitably gravitate to either the desserts or the prime rib. We don’t focus on the most healthy and less glamorous stuff on the table. This means you have to control not only your thoughts, but also how you think.

You have to sift through what appears attractive versus what may actually be more healthy <the ‘non-rubbish’ as it were> in order to most effectively meet the needs of the thought moment. By the way. Please note I purposefully chose effective and not efficient. ‘When you think’ is about efficiency and ‘how you think’ is about effectiveness. This is a focus aspect of thinking. Shiny objects are shiny objects and tasty indulgent desserts are tasty indulgent desserts.

You have to learn to do this. Some people are actually very good at this. They have a knack for viewing everything all at once and have an ability to discern the less important from the most important without being distracted by shiny and tasty things. please note “some.” Not a lot. Not many. Some. You can learn to be better at this but unless you have the innate instincts you will just be good at it and not great at it.

Control how you select your thoughts.

Ah. Once you have focused you have to select some thoughts to craft your decision, choice & conclusion. This point kind of circles back to underthinking & overthinking. If you suck at controlling how you select thoughts, you will invariably end up mired in overthinking shit <because you chose the wrong things and got bogged down in a less-than-conclusive spot> or underthinking shit <because you found an attractive thought which seemingly, in some linear way, suggested “that’s it!”>.

We all have a rolodex of thoughts in our minds that we have accumulated over time through whatever experiences we have had. Inevitably the mind, in its wily way, flips through it for you and shoves a thought or two to the forefront – immediately. Some people call this ‘instincts.’ I call it dangerous.

The subconscious can be wrong as often as it is right. Unfortunately you have to force thinking at this stage. Dive a little deeper than your initial “oh, that’s it.” This is absolutely learnable. Unfortunately today’s world doesn’t exactly encourage us to force thinking and learn to do this. We encourage instincts & speed above all.

That is unfortunate.

That is dangerous.

That is unlearnable <you can unlearn this> … and controlling how you select your thoughts IS learnable.

Lastly.

Disconnecting. It would seem fairly obvious that if you want to increase control you would decrease distractions. And, in general, that is a fairly safe formula.

But, I admit, I am not a disconnecting <from twitter, facebook, social media, internet … any escapism > fan. I am not because, if you buy into what I shared above, that is simply avoiding some possibly valuable inputs into your thinking for the sake of, well, thinking. It seems to me that controlling my own mind has less to do with managing external stimuli and more to do with HOW I manage incoming external stimuli.

Just to finish this whole thought. I do believe we spend far too much time talking about distractions and how smartphones are decreasing attention spans and how the external world is killing true thinking. The only thing killing true thinking is us … people … the individual and how the individual decides, or doesn’t decide, how to think.

I imagine I am talking about personal responsibility in some form or fashion. In a world in which we do seem to spend an inordinate amount of time blaming a whole bunch of shit on someone other than ourselves it really does seem like we should spend more time talking about how we can assume more responsibility for how we think, what we think and learning to think.

“And so the seasons went rolling on into summer, as one rambles into higher and higher grass.”

——

Henry David Thoreau

==============

”Birds, just like the leaves, tend to vanish in the fall heading for something new. The birds will come back to start their new generations while the leaves break down and feed the forest that supports the birds.

The circle of life I suppose.”

–

Joel Robison

===================

Fall finally arrived here.

It actually kind of felt like winter but … what the heck … it was our first cold weather so I will call it Fall.

The onset of Fall gave me a chance to us one of my favorite pictures of all time <Joel Robison is the photographer> where he also included his quote <above>.

I love the thought of the cycle of, and in, life.

I love the fact that in one simple piece of photography we are reminded that Life <the bigger Life around us> is never linear … it is circular.

And when reminded of that … why would we ever think our own life <the smaller more personal ‘I’ life> is linear?

We constantly circle upon things we do, don’t do, think & don’t think. Our ideas & thoughts live and die. The winds of time blow above and below and around where things happen to us almost as randomly as leaves blowing in the wind.

I say that to be poetic … but to make a point.

While cycles & circles seem so nice and neat … Life is certainly not nice and neat. It is more like the swirling chaotic leaves in a brisk autumn breeze. I say that because a wind can lift you, buffet you … and drive you down.

Life can be treacherous that way.

Beautifully chaotic.

It pays to remember in the beauty of Fall leaves resides treachery – the treachery of beautiful death. For in our jumping in piles of leaves, the beautiful rich & royal hues and crinkling of leaves underfoot we sometimes forget we are brushing lightly against the hand of death.

Death cloaked in a beautiful crisp robe encouraging us to enjoy relief from the smothering heat of summer. All Death is doing is distracting us from the more dangerous treacherous aspects of the cycle of Life.

===============

“In the life of the soul, the emotions, there are these undertows, these treacherous downward forces.”

—————–

Anaïs Nin

===================

Yeah.

Sure.

Life returns.

Leaves grow anew.

Lively green replaces the remaining emptiness of leaves days gone by.

But it is there in which resides the ultimate treachery.

Life suggests to us “accept the beautiful death for it is just a cycle in which Life will return.”

Damn.

It doesn’t always work that way.

Beautiful birds can leave and never come back.

Beautiful leaves can fall and never come back.

Beautiful seasons can … well … stop rolling.

Fall is a tricky time.

first day of fall 2016 google

The birds will come back to start their new generations while the leaves break down and feed the forest that supports the birds.

The circle of life I suppose.

Whew.

That’s what I thought today as I thought about one of my favorite pictures of all time.

He picked up the brown bag of candy on the table. “What’s your . . .” He trailed off as he weighed the bag in his hands. “Didn’t I give you three pounds of candy?”

She smiled impishly.

“You ate half the bag!”

“Was I supposed to save it?”

“I would have liked some!”

“You never told me that.”

“Because I didn’t expect you to consume all of it before breakfast!”

She snatched the bag from him and put it on the table. “Well, that just shows poor judgement on your part, doesn’t it?”

——-

Sarah Maas

==================

Well.

Near me … a couple of businesses have created one of the best Halloween ideas I have ever seen or heard about.

They are taking over an entire shopping center parking lot, having cars park in it with trunks open — with candy in the trunks — and invite trick or treaters from everywhere to walk around the parking lot.

They invite any and all to visit this safe space … and a space which you need not be from some high falutin’ neighborhood with “the good” candy for trick or treaters.

This is a reminder that not all kids live in great neighborhoods or have access to all the “fun” Halloween has to offer and, in some small <but big> way people can do things which permit the fun of Halloween to ‘come to them’ rather than have some well deserving kids say “I have no place to go” on an evening which all kids should enjoy.

This is a longish rambling post on about living Life <written mostly because I had a shitload of awesome quotes to use>.

And … well … not backing away from Life.

Okay.

Maybe it is about living Life in a weird way … being undead <kind of a gray area in living Life>.

And, no, this is not about regrets … or having regrets.

This is more about how we sometimes subconsciously back away from life.

====

“If you’re not busy being born, you’re busy dying.”

—

Bob Dylan

=====

And, consequently, it is also all about the importance of seeking to continuously reinvent ourselves while … well … mostly we are actually just going through the motions <it’s a version of living Life by being dead>.

It is, unfortunately, human nature that we are constantly distracted by what we have accomplished, completed, succeeded at … or failed at.

It is a major distraction for one of two reasons:

You purposefully seek to replicate what you have done in the past

You purposefully seek to break away, and break new ground, from what you have done in the past

Basically this suggests you are not really living Life … just constantly looking in the rear view mirror trying to make sure you replicate the good and avoid the bad.

Well.

I will point out … that would be the past good and the past bad.

It’s kind of like defining your usefulness and worthiness not by actually living your Life to its fullest but rather by measuring it in increments versus the past.

Well.

While some people may call it ‘incremental living‘, to me, that is ‘being dead’ … you are basically backing away from Life.

Eckhart Tolle <who in general I think is a philosophical nutcake> said … the secret of life is to “die before you die” – and find there is no death.

<that always made my head hurt if I thought about it too much>

I am not really sure what the hell he is talking about but what I do know is that while we may not consciously back away from Life and living … we certainly settle for a shitload of incremental maneuvering under the guise of “this is what it is going to take so that one day I will make it.”

Whew.

Talk about sucking the life out of life.

That’s not living … that’s just being dead before you have actually died <in my eyes>.

If you develop such a mindset, no matter what you achieve or get … the present will never be good enough and the future will always appear better.

This is a perfect recipe for permanent dissatisfaction.

It is kind of like a ‘waiting state of mind’ although I could argue that is “people like being dead.”

Basically it means that you want the future but you don’t want the present.

You don’t want what you’ve got and you want what you haven’t got.

I mentioning a ‘waiting state of mind’ because with every kind of waiting you unconsciously create inner conflict between here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future – where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by losing or sacrificing the present.

All that philosophical mumbo jumbo aside and let me just say … well … “for some the most difficult thing in life is knowing what they are surviving for.”

It is true some people just don’t live life.

They are just surviving <albeit … it is actually ‘being dead’>.

The problem is they even forget why they are surviving. Most people inevitably fall into a rut and in that rut they confuse living Life & survival with purpose … mostly because they are constantly looking backwards trying to move forward incrementally better than what they had done before.

Survival, to me, at its most valuable self-core is about purpose.

Regardless.

For once I will go with the crazy pop culture bullshit and say “why we don’t have more discussion on purpose driven life?”

We sure as hell do it with business <which I think is crazy>.

To be clear … purpose doesn’t have to be religious.

I think we don’t because it is tough. I am fairly sure it is not even anything tangible and it it sure as hell will not be found in any book or “chicken soup for the soul” type thinking.

Unfortunately it’s not really about “things” … like being ecofriendly or fighting poverty. Or even making sure your kids have it better than you do. Or doing anything actually <those are simply reflections or outcomes of attitude>.

That means if what I am writing is true then there is no measurement or none of the easy status comparisons <who has more stuff or more success>.

This mean the only measurement is good versus bad, the dark side and the lighter side of moments, and the inevitable task Life then demands of us — to find meanings in the moments.

I imagine I could point out here that each moment has value … if you look hard enough. But that is hard to find so people end up creating meaningful Life moments in a variety of ways — some good & some bad, some healthy & some unhealthy.

But if you are busy being dead <or, conversely, just not being undead> that kind of means you don’t really know how to enjoy life, or the moments within it, so you either end up by finding meaning in <a> incremental improvements versus the past – replicating good, avoiding the bad, or <b> creating closure moments – fake closure.

I could point out here that ‘death’, or being dead, is one way we seek to find meaning. “Live life like you are dying” or “want to do something before I die” or anything like that.

I imagine we will use any tool in the Life toolbox to try and create some comparisons to judge how well we are doing or not doing <that is called “assessing the value in our Life”>.

Just think about that a little … an how much that sucks.

Suffice it to say that people find value in Life in a variety of creative ways … mostly because they can’t seem to find value in purpose. Purpose is simple yet complex in the innate knowledge of people’s fear, hopes and desires in life combined with desire to ‘do something’ … whew … try measuring or judging that on a weekly basis.

=========

Had I not known

that I was dead

already

I would have mourned

my loss of life.

—-

Ota Dokan <his last words>

==========

“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death. “

–

Leonardo da Vinci

=========

Anyway.

I do believe people would be a shitload happier if they could stop thinking of our way of life, capitalism driven culture, as a … well … way of life … but rather maybe think about Life as a way of living in which capitalism is just one part.

I do believe people would benefit if we understand that we humans are egoistic … we like things & we like to feel good about ourselves & we actually like to do some good in the bigger picture.

I do believe people would be happier if they understood that we always will struggle to get the best for our selves <emotionally and tangibly>.

===============

“Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live … before they know it … time runs out.”

–

Oliver Wendell Holmes

======================

I do believe people would be happier to look forward a little more often and worry a little bit less about ‘replicating good shit I have done in the past and avoiding the bad shit I did in the past’ <mostly because most of us don’t need a guidebook for what to do in the present if we just try and do our best – which is most likely representative of all our experiences up to that point>.

Anyway.

Being dead and being undead. I truly don’t think most people live dead lives … it’s just that they back away from Life a little too much.

That said.

Here is what I know about Life and death.

Life does not stop at death.

Of course it doesn’t.

Someone is not dead until they are forgotten. So maybe we should all worry a little less about replicating & avoiding and just try and do shit that matters when it matters.

===================

“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away…”

“There are seasons, in human affairs, of inward and outward revolution, when new depths seem to be broken up in the soul, when new wants are unfolded in multitudes, and a new and undefined good is thirsted for.

There are periods when … to dare, is the highest wisdom.”

=

William Ellery Channing

——-

“In the universe, there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and in between, there are doors.”

―

William Blake

==========

So.

I recently used a line in a piece I wrote …”my feeling in life is that you don’t want to act more fearfully than you have to.”

I decided to come back to it because, if you are in business, you carry around a pocketful of fear wherever you go. In your universe you are constantly faced with some things that are known … faced with a shitload more things that are unknown and … well … you are constantly demanded to face some fucking door and open it <and go through it>.

Of course … you could choose to wander aimlessly in the wretched in between of unknown and known never opening a door. Well. Someone could … I could not.

A person who elects to wander has elected to give up the world … choice by choice … decision by decision … all choices & decisions of nothing. Nowhere is nowhere and fear is fear and where you are is nowhere with fear.

========================

“You give up the world line by line.

Stoically.

And then one day you realize that your courage is farcical. It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve become an accomplice in your own annihilation and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do closes a door somewhere ahead of you. And finally there is only one door left.”

Cormac McCarthy

=============

Let’s face it.

Assuming you have any responsibility at all in a business <and it increases the higher up you go> no matter what you do, no matter which direction, or fear, you face … the reality is that as you turn away from one fear you will end up facing another. Basically your universe is one in which you will forsake one fear only to deal with another. All that means to mean is … well … you may as well hitch up your britches, accept the fear and take action. Embrace the wisdom … to dare to open one of the doors.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cautious on occasion or thoughtful with regard to the degree and extent of any particular fear … but you may as well do something.

Shit.

You may as well try to improve your station and lot in Life despite whatever fears you may have. I will say that some of the best of the fearless-like people have an inner fear compass which enables them to navigate fear a little better than the rest of us every day schmucks.

They are born with it.

Now.

To be clear.

They are actually also born with the guardrails which keeps them from the chaos of ‘do anything just to do’ which truly only a psychologically screwed up person would ever embrace. That means they don’t simply ignore fear … they accept it and manage it.

So … this doesn’t mean there isn’t fear. Even the fearless looking people have fear. They may look fearless but they join the rest of us fear-burdened every day schmucks day in and day out.

But going back to ‘do not want to act more fearfully than I have to’ I would suggest that not successfully living with fear is probably the biggest impediment to success <even beyond poverty, existing circumstances, etc.>.

I would also suggest we are not successful in living with our pockets full of fear because we far too often give our fears far too much power by believing they are bigger than they really are.

Look.

I am not suggesting that fear doesn’t exist I am simply suggesting we do two diametrically opposed things in our heads:

<a>… we often permit fear to take on superhuman powers and intergalactic sizes in our minds.

<b>… we like to look at it with rose colored glasses and put a positive spin on it <embrace fear as proof you are doing something new and something that matters !!!>.

Both of those are kind of silly and absolutely counterproductive.

Fear is fear.

And maybe we would be better off if we didn’t call it anything other than what it is.

Sure.

Sometimes we call it uncertainty. Or we call it ‘the unknown.’

You know what? It doesn’t matter what name you put on it. It’s fear. You don’t have to like it or dislike it … just accept it is your constant companion and use it as a nice counterbalance to doing shit <rather than not doing shit>.

Now.

All that said. I do have a phrase to share … l’appel du vide …French for ’the compulsion to jump from high places’ … or … the call of the void.

I think the phrase itself is specific to that one instance … but I think it’s a cool phrase which creates great imagery.

I have read in a number of places that our intelligence is built around modeling our situation and contemplating alternatives. The truth is that most of us think about what to do incessantly … in fact … at any given instant we are potentially viewing gobs of possible “alternate futures” in our minds <whether we recognize this consciously or subconsciously is another discussion>.

I would suggest that each of these alternative futures … these things we try to envision as we decide to step into some void as ‘edges.’

Why?

Well.

Frankly … it sounds more risky than ‘paths.’

Alternate futures sounds like ‘paths’ which implies you can veer off at a leisurely pace and retrace steps if needed and … well … there may even be a nice bar with a cool cocktail so you can rest at some point. But edges mean impact. Impact as in ‘splat’ or impact as in ’that made a difference’ or impact as in “I did not want to act more fearfully than I have to.”

Let’s face it … standing at the edge of a high place, staring into the void <or wide open spaces if you want to be poetically beautiful> … represents a possible future of “I step forward.”

However, since we know that this could bring highly unfavorable consequences, our internal decision filter often whispers in our ear … “no … do not take the step … terrible things could happen.”

That is the battle inside your head where … well … you ponder “I do not want to act more fearfully than I have to.”

Don’t worry.

Any sane person is going to hesitate and think a little before jumping from an edge <versus simply meandering down a new path>.

Any sane person is just taking ‘the void’ into consideration just the way we do with all we consider on all our alternatives.

This is sane thinking because our minds are built to be flexible. We keep “jumping” from thought to thought … alternative to alternative … weighing opportunity <for happiness, success, improvement, pain, etc.>.

But the void is different.

Or at least I think it is.

I don’t think it’s as straightforward as contemplation of the possible or assessing alternatives. I think it has more to do with that wretched place in between the known and the unknown.

I say this because there a shitload of choices and alternatives that appear before us … many with painful or grave possible consequences … but they do not have a similar call of the void.

Perhaps it’s the contemplation of the possible … with some added element of desire … tinged with danger <risk>.

Perhaps it is because we know in our heart of hearts … we know that big risks are the things that reap big rewards. We know we should feel fear and, yet, we desire to not want to act more fearfully than we have to.

I feel confident that 99% of us ponder a leap into some void at some point in our business lives <if not several times>. I feel that confident to use 99% because I believe most of us are attracted to the unknown and the unknowable. Why? In general I believe most of us are hardwired to be curious and to learn.

There is an attraction to the unknown because we inherently want to learn and to know and to try to figure out shit which we do not understand and not only try something new but, on occasion, reach for that star – the big prize <and business is strewn with tantalizing prizes>.

Look.

I am not suggesting all business people actually hear the call of the void <that is a smaller % of people> and even those who hear the call of the void <curiosity and ‘new’ whispers in their heads> does not always answer it. But will suggest that everyone faces the void … a space between what is known and unknown. And I could also suggest whether you jump or not … Life will inevitably push you into the void whether you want it or not.

And maybe that is where the quote truly comes into play … you do not want to act more fearfully than you have to.

Maybe at some point you shift from ‘fear’ to ‘dare.’

Whew.

Fear & dare are two words which seem to take on a big Life of their own.

And you know what?

They are littler than they imagine.

And you should treat them as littler things.

Because 99% of us do not want to act more fearfully than I have to. The business world can be unforgiving at times but it is particularly unforgiving to those who permit fear to drive behavior such as standing in between the known and unknown and be unwilling to open a door.

You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”

–

Carrie Fisher

==============

”We never lose our demons. We only learn to live above them.”

–

Dr. Strange

=======================

Ok.

Here is what I know about living with fear. Okay. Maybe I should say I think I know some things about fear and living with it.

First thing I think I know?

A fearless person is a lie.

No one is fearless. Everyone feels fear. You either accept it, deal with it and do whatever you are going to do with it … bringing it along for the ride … or you do nothing because of it.

Second thing I know?

Well. You cannot avoid it. In fact … I believe it was Jaime Lannister on the Game of Thrones who explained it the best:

So many vows… they make you swear and swear. Defend the king. Obey the king. Keep his secrets. Do his bidding. Your life for his. But obey your father. Love your sister. Protect the innocent. Defend the weak. Respect the gods. Obey the laws.

It’s too much.

No matter what you do, you’re forsaking one vow or the other.

He was not talking about fear but he may as well have. No matter what you do, no matter which direction, or fear, you face … as you turn away from one fear you will end up facing another. You will forsake one thing to deal with another.

All that means to mean is … well … you may as well take action.

You may as well do something. You may as well try to improve your station and lot in Life despite whatever fears you may have.

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“If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better…”

Paulo Coelho

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Look.

As I said upfront … the whole concept, the whole idea, the whole belief, of a fearless person … is a lie. It is bullshit.

Sure. Some of the best of the fearless-like people have an inner fear compass which enables them to navigate fear a little better than the rest of us everyday schmucks. They are born with it.

Now. To be clear. They are actually born with the guardrails which keeps them from chaos of ‘do anything just to do’ which truly only a psychologically screwed up person would ever embrace. That means they don’t simply ignore fear they accept it and manage it. So … this doesn’t mean there isn’t fear. Even the fearless looking people have fear. they may look fearless but they join the rest of us fear-budrened people day in and day out.

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“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them”

Andre Gide

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I would suggest that not successfully living with fear is probably the biggest impediment to success <even beyond poverty, existing circumstances, etc.>.

I would also suggest we are not successful because we far too often give our fears far too much power by believing they are bigger than they really are.

Look.

I am not suggesting that fear doesn’t exist I am simply suggesting we often permit fear to take on superhuman powers and intergalactic sizes in our minds. And I am suggesting seeking to be successful means not eliminating fear but simply making it into bite sized portions more easily swallowed <or however you elect to deal with fear … that was just a suggestion>.

Here’s the deal. All people fear failure. Everyone. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. It’s just that some people set it aside and strive to seek something that lies somewhere beyond the fear. Across the chasm as it were.

Do most people mind being challenged … which almost always contains some aspects of fear … by attempting to do that which they have not done? Absolutely not. The majority of people do like meeting challenges and that satisfaction which comes from meeting the challenge. I believe it is because you have not only ‘bested’ the challenge but you have also ‘bested’ the fear you couldn’t meet the challenge <even if it was only an inkling of fear>. So there is certainly a level of ‘dealing with fear” … or maybe better said ‘the unknown’ that all people like. And in dealing with it … it gives people satisfaction.

However.

What about that ‘good fear’? That big fear. That stepping into the unknown fear?

Ok. Remember. Fear is defined as the emotional response to an actual or perceived threat of immediate or imminent danger or pain. The capacity to experience fear is part of human nature that has been hard-wired into us. And it is debilitating to most people. It is a fact that a large number of people suffer the often debilitating impacts of fear and anxiety. They suffer a sense of being overwhelmed and helplessness leading to an inability to take action or make changes.

Interestingly I believe we tend to tie bravery and courage with being able to

overcome that helplessness brought on by fear.

Well. I don’t think that’s right.

In most cases it is more about having the ability to see <or conceptualize> what is somewhere across the chasm and using that as the focal point to step toward. That’s not courage … that is simply focusing on what is important. Or, let’s say, an ability to focus.

Or, let’s say, an ability to envision possibilities.

I guess I find some support in my belief in that most individuals we look to as brave or courageous people openly admit that they were not free of fear when they faced the unknown <death or simply stepping into the unknown by doing something with no guaranteed outcome>. They simply kept going with their plan of action, in spite of feeling scared, because they were generally resolute in their decisions, knew the risks attached to what they were doing and in many cases believed that their actions served a larger cause for a greater good <and they had chance of eachieving an outcome they could be happy with>.

People like that don’t lessen the fear … they simply accept it … and focus on the objective.

Patton once said this about equating bravery with a lack of fear:

“If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened.

The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.”

Regardless.

It is a Life truth that the inability to overcome fear translates into a lower quality of life. No shit. Really. Quality of life <and, me being me, I have some proof to back this up>.

And according to a psychologist quoted in a 2009 Psychology Today … “the inaction that stems from excessive, irrational fears or fear-based thinking often shows up as a decision to live life from a “safe” position and not take risks, even if that means forsaking opportunities that might provide greater joy and expansiveness to one’s life.”

So.

Circling back … people who have overcome fear have learned to focus on what is truly important … they have either faced their monsters or decided that they were less important then what they really wanted. And I actually believe most successful people have done exactly this … these have faced their inner demons, monsters, and have asked them to come along for the ride instead of hiding from them. In other words … they live with their fear. or, as Dr. Strange said, “we learn to live above them.”

I imagine the best we can do with regard to loving with fear is that we may actually find the objective, the idea of the outcome, as something more significant than fearing the thing itself. I imagine that thought encapsulates most good things in life. Envision the positive outcome to overcome the fear of ‘not doing anything’ and live above the fears we have.

As for you & I? What’s important is the action. We inevitably take action all the while seeking our own version of fearless. And maybe that is the important closing thought.

“My version of fearless.”

Living with fear is a personal choice, personal decision and personal attitude. Comparing fearlessness is stupid and wrong.

You version is yours, mine is mine.

We may all live with fear but how we do it isn’t comparable … it should only be judged by your reflection in the mirror.

Would there were a festival for my fears, a ritual burning of what is coward in me, what is lost in me.

Let the light in before it is too late. “

—

Jeanette Winterson from “The Green Man”

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“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

—–

Unknown

(via ginger-and-preppy)

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Well <part 1>.

I just read a an article in one of those local papers you can pick up at Healthy Grocery stores which attempted to discuss how this time of the year <October/November/December> is the season of ‘decay and death’ … and how it was a potent time to connect with the dead <and highlighted several celebrations around the world which do just that>.

This thought was combined with the thought we human folk balk at connecting with death because it … well … seems morbid to do so.

and summer regrets

getting rid

of winter wishes

summer and i

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Well <part 2>.

I balk at the whole concept of ‘decay & death’ as well as the ‘morbid‘ thought.

Simplistically, seasons remind of us the cycle of Life <not death> and that death, in and of itself a sad event, contains at its very core the very simple concept that without Death, there is no Life.

This was immortalized in pop culture by Blood Sweat & Tears in their absolutely fabulous song “and when I die”:

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And when I die and when I’m dead, dead and gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

I’m not scared of dying and I don’t really care.
If it’s peace you find in dying, well, then let the time be near.
If it’s peace you find in dying, when dying time is here,
just bundle up my coffin cause it’s cold way down there,
I hear that’s it’s cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there.
And when I die and when I’m gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

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While each Life is a stepping stone for every future generation each death represents a stepping stone for … well … the future.

I don’t need any Eastern religion wisdom to remind me of this … I think we all know this.

Now … I will admit that connecting with this thought is much much easier for us when we remove any personalized death and accept it as simply a turning of generations. Therefore … one of the reasons we do not celebrate death is because it can get too personal. And if that is a reason … it sure as hell is a good one.

But death itself?

While death is something we dislike, facing seasons remain something we must face year in and year out. It is a constant affirmation of the turning of time and that some things we may have gained will most likely be inevitably lost in the natural turn of time.

And, yes, as today is December 1st I am reminded that Winter is the time of Life’s strategic retreat and conservation of what gives it all life.

It is not death. And it is not decay.

It is Life’s thoughtful way to insure its existence and survival.

It is the time of incubation and rest and restoration for all things to come in the following year.

I could also suggest that winter is a time of reflection and … well … comfort. In winter’s dark nights the stars are at their clearest and we have the opportunity to see them as the sparks of potential and wishes and dreams and … well … Life. Uhm. And dreaming is never a bad thing … particularly during the ‘ebb tide of seasonal Life.’

I will not argue that as Life recedes in autumn and rests in winter we do, at least emotionally, get closer to connecting with death … but I do balk at thinking of autumn & winter as ‘things associated with death.’

…. a time to Reflect ……

I would argue it actually does a nice job of reminding us we need to let go of things. and, sure, maybe we connect with ‘the dead’ better at this time because … well … it reminds us to celebrate what we had and embrace letting go.

And that is the thing about winter … it demands to not only be felt but also that you meet it on its terms. Even better … Winter demands us to let go of things we most typically hold onto with ragged claws.

You cannot refuse its existence and you cannot ignore what was because what is … is … well … is starkly different. Where Life was once obvious it is now starkly absent.

I would note that all Eastern mysticism and ‘being in touch with the universe’ and the ‘natural ebb of the earth’ and all that stuff, at its core, just suggests that we pay attention. Pay attention to whatever energy seasons give us … and more often than not that energy it gives us is … uhm … just good ole fashioned thinking. It gives us the energy to think about our lives, lives lost and lives yet to be lived.

Acknowledgement of all of that increases your overall connection not just with ‘the universe’ but rather to the eternal pattern of life and invests a sense of energy into pretty much everything <yourself and Life>.

And just as Death breaks things down to the bare essence, winter does the same.

And maybe that is the connection.

When things are at their barest, when we are drawn closer to endings rather than beginnings, we inevitably ponder the ‘great perhaps.’

I think we all seek a great perhaps of “what I know can be”. I think we all know what a better world really looks like. I think we all want to see the beauty that can be found in what is better in everyone.

And maybe it is within Fall and the falling leaves we begin to better grasp that failed plans and failed dreams can beget new plans and new dreams. And maybe it is within Winter where , in ts barest of bare essences, we are forced to begin envisioning what could be in plans and dreams because it is left to us standing in the bare environment around us.

What I do know about all seasons is that they are markers of Time … and poetically speaking … Time is always hungry for many of the things we dearly want to endure and do.

This makes Time both beautiful and doomed. Yeah. Time is beautiful and doomed. And that is where I really believe the whole ‘morbid time of the year’ goes astray.

for it seems all of Fall’s stars

have fallen

and often summer and i

run through the last warm days

through the cool grass

gathering stars caught in people’s dreams

with the intent

to toss them to Winter

through windows of dawn.

Summer & i

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We, especially in the West, hunger for time.

Conversely, time itself <to us Western folk> has a hunger and its hunger is for ‘things.’

It is a nasty emptiness waiting to be filled.

Well.

If there is one thing humans are fucking great at … it is filling time and stuffing whatever we can into any emptiness we can find.

Death and dying makes us reflect. It forces us to do so. Just as the bare often starkness of Winter does.

And it makes us reflect on what ‘stuff’ we have crammed into whatever Time we have had.

Oh. Maybe what it really forces us to do is reflect upon time. and that is where death truly makes us feel uncomfortable … not any morbid feeling but rather it’s just that we have been indoctrinated to focus on living … living life to its fullest, not wasting any time, to do lists that never get completed and just doing shit <just do it>.

Nowhere in that list of shit I just shared does death have a place. In fact. Death represents the exact opposite of everything society & our culture almost demands we think about 24/7.

And when forced to face death, or feel a need to connect, we are much less likely to celebrate but rather assess … assess our doing mantra versus ‘stop.’

Look.

Most of us don’t purposefully ignore connecting with death and those who have passed away because of sadness <because if it were we would be more likely to actually do it because the opposite of sadness is reflecting upon the inevitable happiness> but rather because death and past lives force us to reflect upon our ‘doing accomplishment’ <as well as it forces us to stop … which compounds the feeling of ‘shit, I haven’t done enough and I am not doing anything now>.

Yeah.

If you can get beyond the ‘doing’ aspect inherently death is more about sadness <loss of something or someone or time> more so than morbidity. Conquer the sadness and you have conquered death.

And all of this is just not that difficult <if you are willing to actually think about it>.

Several cultures do celebrate the autumnal solstice as the time life & death is closest. I would argue it is less a celebration but rather recognition of that which came before, and that which is dying, so that what will be will come forth.

Generations beget generations just as falls beget springs.

Death begets life.

This doesn’t mean we should celebrate impending death but rather recognize, even in sadness, life & beauty resides in the future.

Fall is of beautiful dying.

Winter is of starkness of death.

Spring is of rebirth from death.

This doesn’t mean you can find beautiful things to enjoy throughout any season. Seasons simply remind us of the fact time does not stand still and no matter how hard we try and fill up the emptiness time offers us day in and day out … leaves fall, winter comes and spring arises.

I believe it is the Celtic wheel of the year describes this time of the year as Samhain … “the veil between the worlds is thin.” Just as several other cultures they use his time to reflect upon “that which was.” In my pea like brain … it is a celebration of navel gazing. It is an intentional event to purposefully explore the valuable relationship not only between Life and Death but the past and the future.

Listen to the cry of falling leaves,

but winter breaks the silence

and warms us with words

of how to change it all

before the Fall completely ends.

So, So

Look.

I don’t believe we do not celebrate death and dying because we think it is morbid. I tend to believe we do not traditionally do so because we, as in Western civilization versus Eastern, don’t celebrate reflection.

We treat reflection more as a personal thing and not a larger more public event and celebration.

Should we celebrate reflection? Shit. I don’t know. But understanding that seasons can offer us enlightening thoughts about how we actually think about death & Life & holding on & letting go is surely not a bad thing.

As for Fall and Winter? I do not think of death and decay. I actually think of flowers. Huh?

I credit Mark Strand for making me think Winter is the time to bring flowers into your Life as he describes Winter in his poem called Blizzard of One:

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“A time between times, a flowerless funeral. No more than that …”

Mark Strand <Blizzard of One>

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Every funeral deserves flowers. Every Winter deserves thoughts of Life.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”Marianne Williamson

So.

Every once in awhile you come across a quote that smacks you between the eyes as insightful, thoughtful and inspiring at exactly the same time.

Here you go.

Here is one.

(oh. and she said this quote not Nelson Mandela)

So often we think of personal fears as ones of insecurities or inadequacies or inability to cope with whatever it is life is asking us to cope with.

And, yet, the mirror image of that fear discussion is that we are more powerful than we imagine … and then what?

Okay.

The remainder of the quote/paragraph says something like this …

“We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

Now.

I will admit.

I am not a big “positive thinking” mantra proponent (you know … look in the mirror every morning and say “YOU – looking at yourself not the cat sitting on the counter – … are a winner” type stuff).

But this isn’t just about positive thinking.

This is rational truly insightful stuff.

I mean this is big personal question stuff.

This is sitting yourself down and setting aside insecurities and past relationship baggage and all the crap we seem to heap on our own shoulders (or life seemingly does) and ask ourselves “why do I fear power?” or maybe better said ‘more powerful in business … in meetings … in relationships … in friendships … in life … just add whatever you want here.”

She suggests each of us holds ourselves back not because of insecurities but fear of success.

In Bruce words … “uh oh, now that I have got ‘here’ what’s next? What the hell am I supposed to do now?” type of fear.

It is here that I typically throw in my traditional ‘get going’ and ‘moving forward in life means you are at least going somewhere’ but I am not this time.

Maybe because this quote really really made me think.

About me. About some good friends. Just about people I know.

This quote is about your character. About respect. About self truth.

So.

Maybe the point of showing everyone this quote isn’t any message I am gonna fork over but rather it is just the thought itself.

And maybe you will sit down and think about it.

Cause it is a really powerful thought. As, I would imagine, any time you asked yourself for the truth.