When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you overthink every little thing you have done since you’ve met him. You wonder what you did right in the beginning and where you went wrong along the way. You figure there must be one specific reason for him walking away.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you find more reasons to hate yourself every single day. Maybe if you would have moved at a faster pace with him, then he would have stayed. Maybe if you would have asked him on an official date instead of waiting for him to make the first move, he would have stayed. Maybe if you looked different or acted different, he would have stayed.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you feel like a complete idiot. You already told your friends about him. You might have even mentioned him to your parents. You were convinced you two were going to become an item, so you never hesitated to talk about him. Now you look like a fool. You feel like a loser.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you feel like you are never going to get any closure. As much as you want to march up to him with questions about what the hell he was thinking, you stop yourself. You don’t want to sound overly attached. After all, he’s not technically your ex. This isn’t technically a breakup. You don’t want to come across as desperate.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you feel like you’re never going to find love. You feel like, every time you get close to dating someone, that person suddenly decides you aren’t good enough. It makes you wonder whether you’re girlfriend material. It makes you doubt every aspect of yourself. It convinces you it’s always going to be like this, you’re always going to think you have a chance and then have it stripped away from you.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you have trouble getting over him, because you feel like there should have been more to your relationship. In your head, you were already planning out your future as a couple, and that never became the reality. You feel like there is still more you are meant to do together. You feel like the universe doesn’t want you separated yet.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you wonder whether everything that happened between you — from the late night conversations to the early morning texts — was a lie. The entire time, you thought he was interested, but maybe he was only having fun with you. Maybe he was only being friendly. Maybe you had the wrong idea all along.

When you lose the boy you came close to dating, you feel like you’re going to be alone forever. You feel like you lost the person who you were supposed to live happily ever after alongside. You feel like the plans you had for the future have all been taken away.

“I hope you heal. I hope you find yourself again. I hope you find something that burns a fire in your soul. I hope you find the rays of sunlight even on your darkest days. I want you to know that you’re going to be okay.” — Shivani Sonawane