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DISCLAIMER

One purpose of this blog is to share the lessons I have learned on my journey interacting with toxic people, and setting boundaries. I'm in a constant state of learning. From time to time I may make reference to therapies, Bible studies, or professional help I have received. I am not a psychological, psychiatric or medical practitioner, therefore any opinions I share are my own and should not be construed as professional advice but for educational purposes only. The views and opinions expressed in the articles are those of the author and do not
necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any doctor, therapist, government agency, or law enforcement.
COMMENTS: When readers comment on a post they are sharing what they think from their own opinions and viewpoints and they are not offering advice or assistance, but general information only.
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(Art Credit Victory Road DEEP ROOTS)

A Case Against Abused Women: Part 3

Please understand, I don’t write about this topic to chastise John Piper or to change his mind. I do however find it odd that he believes gender roles is what leads to a Christian flourishing in their personal life, rather than an intimate daily relationship with Jesus Christ. I speak up to protect others from falling under his wrong teaching on this subject. I don’t say any of this from high atop a pedestal, but on my knees at the foot of the cross where Jesus’ finished work brought victory and freedom to set everyone; including the abuse victim, free. I shine the light and speak the truth even though my voice shakes and my hands tremble.

Who is an abuser?

To the outside: He’s your ideal man. To her: He’s her worst nightmare.

The impossible part for a Christian woman, married to a Christian abuser, is when her abuser has a Bible and knows it better than her; or can quote it better. The person who helps dig her proverbial grave and helps the abusive husband push her in is the pastor or counselor who believes all marital problems can be solved with scripture and/or counseling.

Here is what Don Hennessey, a relationship counselor and former director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency, has to say about abusers. (This covers all types of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, reproductive, spiritual, financial.)

Again, I restate that abuse is not a doctrinal/theological, or gender issue. It is an abuse issue. The best indication that you’re dealing with an abuser is that they always deny the abuse.

According to these sources: Don Hennessey, many counselors who specialize in domestic violence, and counselors who have worked with abusers who suffer from personality disorders; abusers have the power to change but they don’t desire to change. Therefore, they rarely heal from their abusive character disorders.

Abused women from the #MeToo movement don’t reflect a sudden increase in marital and/or sexual abuse, but rather finally shine a long overdue light into a dark corner of our society. We’ve never had a powerful took like the internet to make our plight known around the globe…instantly. We aren’t asking for men to be degraded so we can be lifted up. We aren’t asking to take their place. We are simply asking to be treated with the worth and respect Jesus gave us. Jesus is the ultimate authority of the dignity of all humans since He found us worthy of dying for on the cross.

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures. I Corinthians 15:3-4 (NIV).

“The Cross is certainly the place of forgiveness; it is also the place of exposing.” Diane Langbert, PhD

You Are For Me: Lyrics

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that…

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

You remind me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

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Carolyn Green Deevers Writer, wife, imperfect home schooling mom to 3 amazing humans. Writing about lessons learned from surviving 100% of my worst days. Educating the church about domestic violence & abuse in their midst. Advocating for abused women living in, or leaving destructive marriages. Living an A.I.P. life. St. Louis Cardinals fanatic! Football fan.