08 May 2014

LeVar Burton on The Rainbow Fish.

This is from five years ago, but as I'd never come across it, I'm figuring that it might be new to some of you as well!

Okay. In July 2009, The American Scene posted a conversation starter called WORST. CHILDREN'S BOOKS. EVER. in which the author named his two least favorite classic children's books (The Giving Tree and The Polar Express), and then asked his readers to weigh in.

And weigh in they did, with much passion (from some) and much vitriol (from others). Especially about The Giving Tree.

But! Much joy can be found in LeVar Burton's comments—it was verified (via Twitter, I think?) that it was really him—about The Rainbow Fish, which are even more awesome if you imagine him reading them aloud:

The rainbow f#@%ing fish! yes, you win! – that’s the worst of all time.

Very good call that everyone else probably wiped from their memory banks.It’s coming back to me now….

“Child, if you try to stand out others will rightfully swim away. You want friends, child, don’t you? No, not the kind who will respect you or admire your natural assets. You can’t count on ever finding friends who are like you if you are different. It’s much easier to just go along to get along with everyone. The only way is assimilation. No one likes show-offs, or elitist freaks. The solution is to distribute your assets to everyone else equally, so you blend in and everyone else is exactly the same. Then they will be your friends. Swim with the collective, my child – sacrifice to us so we can all be the equal, then we can accept you as friends. It is your duty to buy our camaraderie…or be spurned forever in the dark currents of loneliness, you mutant degenerate. You think you’re better than me? Go die you stuck-up glitter-geek cuz you are banished, pretty boy. I don’t need your stupid contributions anyway, kid. I hope the sharks and squids find those shiny scales easier to catch.”

Timeless message for every generation.

Basically, he equates the message of The Rainbow Fish to that of the Borg. Rock on, LeVar Burton.

Anyway, there's more at the link: if you don't want to lose an hour combing through the minefield that is the comments section, I suggest just doing a search for 'LeVar' on the page.