Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Here is a part of my job that I really don't like. Imagine this: It's 12 o' clock noon. New arrivals are waiting to be checked in, guests are lining up to check out and then some poor sod steps up and says: Miss I wan to go to so-and-so restaurant for lunch could you make a reservation NOW, as I need to get going and I really want a reservation?

Simple you would think. Surely I can put the others on hold it will only take a second. I remember most of the restaurants' telephone numbers without looking them up, so it will only take a second.

Think again. The person on the other end of the line wants to do the public relations game. So instead of taking down the essentials like number or people, name and time, she/he asks "You are calling from Majestic wow (it's a hotel you goofy, what's the big deal?) how are things there? (same as you dummy) We haven't heard of you for a while. Maria is this you? When ARE you coming to dinner yourself?

This is not a social call. Get over with it. I have work to do. Meanwhile people are starring and I am getting pissed. The person on the other end of the line might have nothing better to do because if I had called for a reservation on a busy night I would receive a different approach but no. She now says smugly to herself how social and agreeable she is and how my manners border on the rude.

PLEAAAAASE.

That's why I love the taxi operator. The conversation goes like this:Maria: Calling from Majestic, 2 pax for OiaOperator: 2 pax from Majestic to Oia (twice){somewhere in the background there is an answer}Operator: Number 25 in 5 minutesMaria: Ok.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Here are some rules that you have to follow if you wish to remain alive:

There are certain places where you can dispose of your garbage. They are called garbage disposals and their use is obligatory! The floor / bed / closet are not places to leave whatever you don’t want any more! It’s unsanitary and insulting for the people who clean after your mess! Being unsanitary is not a choice you can make! If you are endangering the health of the other guests and personnel the hotel is entitled to kick you out and keep your money. The law is on their side.

Being punctual is very important. When you make an appointment make sure you will be there on time. Choose carefully. Just because they are working for you doesn’t mean that people’s time is not valuable. Don’t assume that by being vague you will get your way. The ferries / planes / taxis won’t wait for you. Plus once you are recognized as one “of those” you will find that most receptionists / travel agents etc will be hesitant to help you. Being late is disrespectful and here in Greece there are consequences for that.

You have booked one room in our hotel. That does not entitle you to “see” every room in the hotel and expect every guest o be ready to leave his room just so you may evaluate it and decide where you want to stay.

Stop moving your head like loons. It’s annoying and makes me wanna smack you on the head. What is it? Water in your ears that you are trying to get rid of? Use cotton. But for the love of God please stop moving your head like those toy dogs in cars! It makes me nauseous. I hate being nauseous. I will hurt you.

Just because they don’t matter to you doesn’t mean that they are not people. If you have booked a double room we are expecting two people not two adults, two children and their nanny. You paid for her ferry / airplane tickets why would the hotel be any different? Of course there is extra charge for the extra people. And no the fact that you are making them sleep on the floor doesn’t change that fact. Once again behaving like assholes is not an option. Just because you are thoughtless by upbringing (I hate to think that jackass-ness is part of your genetic make up, it’s racist) doesn’t mean that this behavior will go unnoticed and unpunished here.

I don’t care what your laws allow you to do, but here in Greece you cannot hire a car without a driver’s license. You can drive a scooter without a helmet but if you get caught you will be fined, period. No exceptions and no matter how much you move your head it will not impress the policemen. If you think that the rates are expensive go find agencies of your own but if you get faulty car/motorbike etc, don’t expect me to go rescue you, I cannot sent our driver to pick you up from the middle of nowhere, get yourself out of the hole you dug yourself.

No, the restaurants in town will not hold a table for you a whole day, once again you have to be punctual. No the restaurants will not be able to cook anything you see fit to cook they already have menus. Same as our kitchen. It’s sacrosanct, you may not enter or use. Also ask before trying to cook in your room. If you are not given permission don’t proceed.

There is a reason why we don’t hand out second keys: it’s so that bozos like you don’t loose them and then force us to change the locks. If you are careless and lose it you will be charged. And yes allowing your five year old to play with the key is a sure proof way if losing it. End of story.

Don’t steal things from the room. We will find out sooner or later and you are making a fool of yourself by obtaining things as small as towels or ashtrays. Ask politely we will give it away as presents, you cheapskate bastards.

The hotel is a business and although it aims to please its guests there are rules that have to be observed. There are specific times that the pool is open and you have to comply. Breakfast is included in the rate but is served at specific times, not whenever you want to. The rates are fixed and you cannot bargain yourself a deal. A non – refundable offer means YOU WILL NOT GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

The people who work in the hotel have specific duties, the maid will clean the room but will not baby-sit for you, the taxi driver might help you with your luggages but will not follow you around carrying your shopping bags while you shop. They are working people; they cannot loiter around like you! Try to remember and respect that.

Don’t say I don’t wish to be difficult when in fact you are a pain in the neck. You know what it is to be difficult and the difference of being easy! Make a choice.

Always remember, while you are traveling abroad, you are am ambassador of your country. Try not to embarrass yourself.