Why The Oscars Do Not Matter, or: A Look Back at 1975

Voting has closed. Price-Waterhouse is counting the ballots. On Sunday night, we will find out who won the 86th annual Academy Awards. On Monday, most people will forget who won, except for the people who make it their business to never forget (Harvey Weinstein, I’m looking at you.) And given the hurt feelings, rivalries, and “How-the-fuck-could-they-ignore-XYZ-but-award-ABC” reactions that will become inevitable over time, I need to remind you guys of something really important:

THE OSCARS DO NOT MATTER.

That’s right. You heard me. I, the person who in fifth grade memorized every winner in just about all the major categories, am here to remind you all that these awards do not matter. Sure, they matter in that it’s fun, and that getting them means you’ll be king/queen for a day, and you have a beautifully designed trophy to put on your mantle. But seriously, whether or not the person…