blog: about death and dying and life and living

I don't need to say much more that Maya Angelou has not already said in the quote above!

Her statement says everything about which I live my life. Long ago I recognised that I'm not just a survivor, but I am someone who has thrived! And, like most of us, I have had my fair share of childhood incidences, events that have challenged me to the point of no return. But return I have and with a vengeance! However, rather than get angry or end up in victim-mode, I have used these challenges to grow stronger!

What events in your life have been 'opportunities for growth'?

I believe attitude and resilience play such huge parts in the outcomes of our lives. I came into this world with a very positive, naively idealistic, fierce 'can-do' attitude. The more something or someone tells me not to or that whatever I'm doing won't work, the more I rise to the occasion. I also bounce back from setbacks or 'failures' every time. It doesn't take me long to get back on my feet...literally in recent times with a broken leg three months ago!

Not my dog or my vacuum cleaner, but appropriate!

As you may or may not have noticed, it's been a few days since my last blog post. I'm going to take you on a slightly different ending to such a fiery start to today's post!

I'm continuing on with this post in reverence of doing NOTHING. No work, no scheduled events, no structure...nothing AT ALL...for just a morning, or just an afternoon, or just a day...

I've done that here and there over the last few days. I had such a hectic end of last week/beginning of this week period that I nearly lost the plot (not really, but it felt like it). So, Thursday was ANZAC Day here in Australia and of course, one does nothing work wise on that day. I'm not into parades or getting up at the crack of dawn so I just relaxed and did NOTHING. It felt great! I also knew that many of the business contacts I needed to call would have been on an extended long weekend...so...I...did...NOTHING on Friday and Saturday either!

But all good things must come to an end...all this nothingness did eventually lead to frustration and for some reason, my dog picked up on my lack of activity (thriving) and became frustrated as well...for whatever reason he had, he barked more, quietly woofed more, paced more and generally made me feel anxious! He'd been walked, fed, loved, on my lap, out the back, out the front and nothing seemed to calm him down. And then I got angry! In an effort to vent my frustration, as well as drown out his for-no-purpose-that-I-could-see-barking...I VACUUMED!! As an aside...in relation to an earlier post on my lack of procrasticleaning ability, I figured out what does motivate me to clean...ANGER...PURE ANGER!! I got physical with the dog hair (on the floor, not on him) and my vacuum cleaner and when I was done, three containers full later, I felt great! It was the first time I got behind and under furniture since breaking my leg.

I felt so good after getting the vacuuming done that I went back to the reverence of NOTHING...at my local café, with a cuppa, a comfy couch and a book on manifesting...tee hee hee...

This morning I took an extra big walk to the beach with my dog and I have taken you, dear reader, on a bit of a winding path from thriving to nothing to anger to vacuuming and back to nothing again...and what to make of it? NOTHING of course!

It felt good to let go of obligations this weekend. It felt good to sit and read a book that doesn't directly relate to my work. Being self-employed brings with it trepidation at letting go of the reins for a while, but I've recognised that it's vital to do so. Calculated down-time is no different to taking that first plunge into self-employment, not really. It's risky to drop the balls for a while but I do feel more energised for consciously choosing to put the balls down for a while.

This ties into Maya Angelou's quote nicely though. Thriving doesn't mean going, doing, or being in action 24/7, it also means responding to physical cues to slow down, rest, laugh, and play.

Perhaps you'd like to listen to a bit of music while you read my blog...it's fitting in some ways, it made for a great blog title...and not in others, but nonetheless it is a beautiful song...enjoy!

Those of you in the Northern hemisphere are gearing up for a sunny season, still comparatively short for us here in sunny Down Under...but I remember the days of Spring-bursting-into-Summer in my hometown of Vancouver. Where people can't help but spend every waking moment from early dawn until the beautiful twilight dusk...OUTSIDE! Many of you, my family in particular will scoff at this, think that because we've got it warm and sunny for most of the year we have no right to feel miserable when our Autumn-into-Winter comes along. And for me especially! I should be blissfully ignorant of the cold here, right? After all, it's Australia! Struth mate!

As we descend into our Winter 'darkness' I must tell you, I'm not looking forward to it! I hate wearing more than one layer of clothing, putting socks on my feet, and running between bursts of rain to do anything outside, but I'll get to that in a bit!

It's not like we get snow up to our eyeballs or anything like that here...we don't even get rain up to our ankles in some parts...but it's a different kind of cold here...The wind is Antarctic and biting, straight off the Southern Ocean. And the most incredible part...for some reason, is that the people who built the houses of yesteryear...like the one I live in...were built for hot summers, but not for cold Winters...go figure!? No insulation, no double-glazing, cracks in the floorboards, vents in the walls that go straight outside, and in my case...an outdoor toilet!!!

My dunny isn't quite this remote but it is at the back of my property, fully away from the house...and most definitely has NO insulation. A great way to wake up in the morning...that first perch on a freezing cold seat!

It also took me a long time to realise that the grey wouldn't descend permanently for months on end...we get sunshine roughly every three or four days in the thick of Winter...DON'T LAUGH! It gets me through! I wear beanies, jumpers, robes, and Ugg boots inside my house...and sometimes all at the same time! It's pointless to put the heater on here...why pay for heating the outside of my house...it all goes through the vents, thin windows and cracks in floorboards.

Now I've got you scared haven't I? Heh heh...really it's not that bad, not bad at all. I've never done well with Winter, not even in Vancouver, especially not in Vancouver! The grey Autumnal November of 2002 was the last time I saw heavy, cold, dreary rain...I'm sorry mum, but that's just how it is! I went back at the worst time of year to see if I could stand the rain, I was homesick you see. So, after 5 weeks of sickness, wetness, greyness, and misery...I headed back to the sunshine. And in the sunshine is where I stay...if I could live in sun, sand, sea, and bare feet all year round, I would, but this is as close as it gets for me right now...and it's pretty darned close!

I suppose I wanted to share this post as a bolster for the upcoming darkness, coldness, and Winteryness that we're about to experience. By sharing some of my story, especially when you folks up north are set to laugh in my face as your sunshine approaches, I had hoped that I could somehow glean some warmth from you...maybe from your heart for now. Just like the quote at the beginning of this post...

Carry a bit of the sun in your hands for me during the cold down here, would ya? And I'll do the same for you in a few months. I'd really appreciate it...appreciate knowing there's a spark lying in wait for me....how I long for the heat of night and day...silly me...it'll be here again in the blink of an eye!

There is no right or wrong way to tell your improved story. It can be about your past, present, or future experiences. The only criterion that is important is that you be conscious of your intent to tell a better-feeling, improved version of your story. Telling many good-feeling short stories throughout your day will change your point of attraction. Just remember that the story you tell is the basis of your life. So tell it the way you want it to be.--- Abraham

I get quotes by Esther Hicks (and Jerry and Abraham) delivered to me via email daily and usually love what I get. Esther channels a group of evolved beings who call themselves Abraham. I'm not sure if I believe in this part of it, but frankly I don't care. The messages, regardless of where they come from, are spot on and amazingly, startlingly real.

I have known about the work of Esther and Jerry Hicks for many years but have only begun truly listening in the last few months. They're the folks behind such insight from the book "The Law of Attraction", speeches, seminars, and another books like "Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires". I've just recently bought this book but have yet to crack it open...suppose I need to manifest a block of time for reading, right?

As many of you know, my specialty is death...the inspiring-you-to-live-fully-before-you-die kind of death. I love being present to all manner of conversations about death and dying...the grief-laden, the joyful, the complicated, the confused and the fearful...I love them all. I love most during my workshop when most of the participants have cried and laughed in equal amounts. It all contributes to a life lived fully and that's my objective.

Abraham, speaking through Esther, has an amazing interpretation of death and grief, tears and laughter...I invite you to sit back with a cup of tea and enjoy the video...all the way to the end because it builds in momentum as she speaks...

What did you think? I'd love to read your comments below...but first...

Referring back to the quote at the beginning of this post...about the improved story. My improved story is about death, dying, life and living passionately right now! Against this backdrop my past seems unimportant, except of course relating my experiences of death with you. And the beautiful thing to the improved story is that there is no right or wrong, only what is. The same goes for conversations about death and dying...there is no right or wrong, only perception, only what is.

What improved story are you choosing for yourself today?

What conversations will you have today that will lead you further into your improved story?

I needed to see this quote today. I am the kind of person who benefits from reminders, little prods for why I have been given this life in which to operate. I don't think I'm alone in this thinking either.

I am prone to fantasy, to slipping into dreamland whenever my eyes hit on something I'd rather not be looking at - laundry, dishes, boring-but-necessary-books/articles and the like. Or, something I like that excites me more than normal - sun-dappled grass, ocean waves, my son laughing, or my dog dreaming. It's probably why my last post had to do with procrastination!

But it's quotes like this one that get me motivated again. Especially when what the author states as the alternative is so frightening to me...life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day...yikes!

I don't want my minutes or days to drag by because when I get to the end of my life I don't want it to have been a drag! The quality at the end of my life is my single biggest motivator to do whatever it is that I do. I have written this in other blog posts and I'll say it again here...I begin with the end in mind. I know what I want the end of my life to be like, not in specific details but more of an overall feeling or essence.

I want the people in my life to know that I love them deeply. I want the community around me to know that I love them. I want to have made a difference and a contribution to the world in however small or large a way. I want to leave this world a bit better than the one I was born into.

It's not the details that count. It really comes down to minutes, days, weeks, months, years...moments...that I spend impacting my world around me. I don't want to lose a single minute getting caught up in the details of the boring stuff and sometimes I need reminders of my purpose. I like believing that my true purpose will shine through everything but when I'm tired, in pain, fearful or distracted, I like reminders, quotes, to set me back on my path.

I hope, through reminding myself, that I have inspired you in some small way. Whether it's to reach for a quote or a hug, it doesn't really matter and I won't really know unless you let me know. Each time someone makes a comment on my blog posts I feel I have impacted the world around me, the conscious collective has responded to my action. Thank you for your eyes that have read this. Thank you for your mouth that can spread more. Thank you for your heart, from which we can connect. Thank you.

In my usual way I won't prescribe anything to you about how to stop procrastinating or the psychology behind it or any other intelligent means to a productive end...sometimes all that matters is putting it out there, for out-there-sake...this would be one of those times.

I had a great week last week, lots of productive work, making some great contacts for future business, approval to do my workshop for the City of Fremantle's Positive Ageing sector, and plenty of conversations that will lead to inspiring others to live their lives fully and passionately...

I know, you're laughing at the irony of this post now, aren't you? I'd be laughing, too if I weren't mildly embarrassed by it!

But that busy, productive week was what made me feel like I'd done enough and could take a full day off for the first time since beginning my business a year ago.

That was yesterday...and it felt so great that my day off turned into two! Granted it was the weekend, but as a new business owner who operates part of her work on weekends, they just don't carry the same weight as if I'd been a 9-5 person.

So here I am nearing the end of Sunday, and it just feels too good to get anything done! Not even cleaning...yuck!

I can switch into procrastination mode all too easily, free from much guilt, but eventually this does catch up with me. I still have cleaning to do, I still have that phone call to make that I really don't want to make, and this on top of the really great work that I want to do, but feel I have to get the unpleasant stuff out of the way first...what a perfect conundrum I've set up for myself, hey?

Do you do that, too? What's your procrastination technique?

Do you procrasticlean? And if so...can you come over and do it here once you've finished your house?

I bumped into my friend Andrew today...he's a bubbleologist who calls himself Dr. Froth! You can read a bit about him here, but he's not what this particular blog is about...that's saved for another day when he guest posts his own unique magic!

Today is more about the conversation we began, about bubbles, about life and death, and about the metaphor of fragility that bubbles represent for living....and dying.

It takes just a few puffs of air to create our 'bubble' of life, we watch the magic for a while, then finally one 'pop' and were done!

That's it! That's the bubble metaphor for life! Obviously we're not bubbles, although some lives do end with a pop! But like the quote above says...metaphors seem so small, yet more often than not, they pack a powerful punch!

This was something I recently wrote to a friend about Hafiz and the beauty of his words...

I love the writings of Hafiz...anything I have ever read of his is sublime...and endless...and all I have ever known...and pure...and profound...his words are a pool to dive into with the lungs of a mermaid so I never have to breath again a life of limitations.

Metaphors add richness to an otherwise bland world. They give colour where there may only be black and white. And go beyond probabilities...to the extreme!

I'll do ______ when pigs fly!

I just can't imagine a colourless life, so my world existing without metaphors would be like the earth without the moon, or the sun without warmth...just.not.possible.

I really wanted to make this post about these wondrous imaginings and the morning's beautifully bubbly conversation, and the inspiration I get from the twisting, bending, winding of words that writing allows...and so, that's where I will leave you today...

What metaphors represent your life?

Where do you colour your lives to make them richer, more meaningful and passionate?!

Written and performed by Derrick Brown in 2012. You can check him out on Facebook!

My words are brief in light of howutterly amazingthis video is!

If ever I get the chance to romantically love someone so deeply that I long for them this much after they die, provided I am the one who lives longer, I hope with all my heart and soul that this is how it ends.

This blog post may surprise you with the direction I'm going to take with it.

I'm not going to tell you that you must be feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled by what you're not doing and could, that's not what this post is about.

Today I want to share with you that it's okay to just focus on one thing you're good at and love to do. It's okay to not be everything that you are capable of being. There is only so much of you to go around and I don't see the point of using up so much of your life trying to live too many lives contained in this one life.

'What is she on about now?' you're thinking...and I know! I know! I'm an inspirator, right? I'm meant to be inspiring you to live your life to the fullest and most passionate before you die. But that doesn't mean you must do all that you are capable of in one lifetime.

I'll tell you this because I am feeling this way right now. I have too many passions, interests, talents, skills, qualities and ideas to possibly fulfill in this one lifetime. I am an idealist and I can see the big picture in so many things, and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the possibilities of the many different directions my life could go in.

I want to point out that this isn't where I showcase how good I am at things...most people don't like braggers, regardless of talent. The important message is that just because you're good at something doesn't mean you have to make a career out of it. We all have the potential to be anything we set our minds to do, it just takes practice and sometimes talent can help on the journey.

A long time ago I could see that if I chose to I could be an visual artist, a singer, a make-up artist, a writer, a photographer, an actor, an entrepreneur, and a manager. Yikes! All this for just one lifetime, my lifetime? Maybe, but I also don't like doing things by half-measure. If I'm going to do something I'd prefer to go all the way or not at all - Scorpio traits anyone? But this early revelation was paralysing, and for a long time it stopped me from venturing fully into any area totally or at all. As the years roll on, I've mostly accepted that it's okay to be really good at something and to just let it sit there underused. It can be exhausting to feel the potential and not fulfill it the way I want...

But this isn't a blog post about being less than, mediocre or living a half-life...

I do think it's important to love what you do and do what you love and to strive for all that you can do, but if there are too many 'loves' it's okay to let some of them sit dormant, possibly for your entire life. I also want to reiterate that I don't prescribe to live life in any particular way...just a way that will leave you fulfilled when it's over.

Albert's going to finish off today's blog...short and sweet!

“Try not to become a (wo)man of success. Rather, become a (wo)man of value.” ~ Albert Einstein

For those of you not familiar with the work I do, let me first send you to my About page...then to the Workshops page...and finally to the Calendar page so that you can understand the who, why and when of what I do. Death is what I do...and the conversing is with you...

Now, I'll let you know more about the Death Café as it is not my own idea, but definitely an idea whose time has come! I'm not sure where I first read about the Death Café but let me tell you, given my passion for death and dying, it wouldn't have taken long for me to find out!

The back story... A tradition in France is to maintain a casket of wine and round of cheese to age along with you as you age. They are then served at the time of your death to celebrate your life, aged well with the sweet and tang of all that your life has been.

This tradition, among other life experiences, is what inspired Swiss sociologist, Bernard Crettaz, to hold gatherings where people could come together over nice food to chat about all manner of things relating to death and dying. He called it 'Café mortels', a title inspired by his same-titled book that discusses the prevailing silence Western society has with speaking about death and dying.

So, what began out of need, desire and curiosity has continued as a burgeoning trend that is spreading all over the world...beginning with Jon Underwood in the UK...

And without further ado, I will let Jon Underwood tell his story about where and how the UK based Death Café, germinated from Bernard Crettaz, was born. The video was taken over a year ago and so much more has happened with Death Café's all over the world...little did Jon know, I'm sure! Please enjoy and when you're done head over to www.deathcafe.com for a bigger picture of what's happened since this video was taken!

Here's where I come in... Western Australia's first Death Café happened in March of this year and I was fortunate enough to be the person bringing this forth! It was also a first Death Café held at a women's event, The Nectar Festival. It was a fabulous day and after two hours, no one was ready to end the conversation! The next date is this Wednesday at Ark of Joan in Fremantle and will be held at this location on the third Wednesday of every month. If the demand increases so will the locations and days...stay tuned by checking out the calendar page!

And it's happening everywhere, Canada, Italy, America and more! Los Angeles had its' first Death Café recently, but I guarantee it won't be the last. If you click on the photo of Betsy Trapasso, you will be taken to an article in the LA Times about their first event.

It seems as though people are hungry for this kind of conversation. It's a conversation we've forgotten how to have...I hope we can all remember together. It's such an important conversation...for death, dying, life and living!

Betsy Trapasso, who describes herself as an "end of life guide," speaks about death as Julianne Reynolds, left, and Leszek Burzynski listen. (Anne Cusack / Los Angeles Times)

Conversations about death and dying is an idea whose time has come...let's journey this road together...

I'm not sure I'll take this quote literally. When we're not alive technically we're dead, right?

But,there can be a significant difference between merely living and being fully alive! And we can take that one step further to being consciously aware of being fully alive, or merely living depending on the choices you make.

I put the quote on the photo of this door for a reason, aside from the fact that it's my shed door and I really like the magic of Instagram! I think when we are hiding our hearts behind metaphorical doors, we also hide that part of ourselves from ourselves, too.

What treasures are hiding behind your metaphorical doors? And why aren't you letting that treasure out?

I know for myself, more in my twenties but sometimes still, I keep my treasures hidden because I'm not ready to expose them. I can be very sensitive to criticism and don't immediately put up a healthy boundary that will allow people to have an opinion about my treasure without me taking it personally. This takes practice, conscious daily practice...and don't always get it quite right.

At times when I have hidden myself away I also have felt cut off and lonely. It takes great risk to expose your true self. It's times like this though, in the revealing of my inner most self, that I feel more alive. I feel more connected despite the risk of rejection.

I feel like today this is a rambling sort of blog post...and that's okay. I'm merely expressing my musings about death, dying, life and living...so today it's more about the life part of that equation. There is a life that I have been given and sometimes I choose to hide behind walls and other times I'll peek one eye out from behind an opened crack, and still other times I'll tear down the wall or stand in front with it behind me for support.

I kind of think I'm peeking out from the crack today. I'm not entirely engaged in writing this post and yet I feel there is a message in here somewhere.

I like it when I've posed a clear message that is easy to read and that when you've read it you'll think...'aha...I've got that message and I love it!'...

So, from behind my protective wall I see less than I'd like but I also feel safe here, at least for this moment. Life always changes the game, I can always change the game. But for this moment, without making anything wrong or bad, I have opened the door a tiny bit, poked my head out just enough to share, and will leave you with just enough to be curious to come back for more next time.

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What participants have to say

"I thoroughly recommend attending Ava’s seminar, it is very thought provoking and enlightening. It also helped me to gain perspective about what really matters at the end of the day. Ava’s embraced the day with sensitivity and humour and I left feeling like I had gained clarity in being able to come to terms with death."

"Thanks Ava for a most interesting and touching event. I am inspired by others stories of their experiences of death. Certainly a unique workshop and I look forward to seeing it grow and evolve. Well done you!"

"What a fantastic workshop. A workshop on how to live a more passionate and fulfilling life, by exploring your eminent death. Done with humour and honesty - for more info on this intriguing and professional workshop, go to...(this website)"