Thursday, June 29, 2006

Lookie! I'm SO EXCITED!

I just received this today. Is it GREAT news, or what?!

[COMMENTS IN BRACKETS AND ALL CAPS ARE MINE]

I am FAMOUS ARTIST (Name removed to protect the innocent) [HEH, YEAH. AND MY NAME IS NORA ROBERTS], I am an artist [ISN’T THAT NICE? MY MOTHER IS AN ARTIST. I LIKE TO THINK I’M A BIT OF AN ARTIST MYSELF. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY WORK? MAYBE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT, YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF SCAMMING PEOPLE, YOU CAN SELL A REAL ARTIST’S WORK AND MAKE MONEY...NO, I SUPPOSE THAT WOULD BE MORE DIFFICULT THAN SENDING OUT THOUSANDS OF EMAILS AND COLLECTING MONEY HAND OVER FIST FROM UNSUSPECTING SUCKERS.]. I live in United Kingdom, with the love of my life my husband, and also with my children [AW...ISN’T THAT SWEET? DID YOU KNOW THAT ALL THE FOLKS YOU’RE SCAMMING PROBABLY LIVE WITH THE LOVES OF THEIR LIVES TOO? AND CHILDREN? WOW, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. I FEEL LIKE WE’RE FRIENDS ALREADY. NOT.] . It is definitely a full house [I CAN RELATE]. I have been doing artwork since I was a small child [SEE? ISN’T THAT WEIRD. ME TOOOOOO! YOU’RE FIBBING RIGHT? I'M GETTING THE WARM FUZZIES. HAPPY SIGH]. That gives me about 26 years of experience [WOW, IMPRESSIVE. NOT.]. I majored in art in high school and took a few college art courses. Most of my work is done in either pencil or airbrush mixed with color pencils. I have recently added designing and creating artwork on the computer. I have been selling my art for the past 5 to 6 years and have had my work featured on trading cards, prints and in magazines. I have sold in galleries and to private collectors from all around the world before I met my husband.[BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...I’M GETTING BORED HERE. PLEASE GET TO THE GOOD PART OF THE SCAM. I KNOW YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLY RICH AND SUCCESSFUL. AND THERE WILL BE GOBS AND GOBS OF CASH COMING MY WAY...YAWN...] I was very lucky to have a husband within the same field (artist).[SNIFFLE, SNIFFLE. I’M ALL CHOKED UP. HOW ROOOOMANTICCCCC] And both of us have combined in the arts work with versed ideas, which has made our work prosperous and I feel fulfiled. [I WANNA BE FULFILED. WHAT’S IT FEEL LIKE? I DO KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE FULFILLED, BUT NOT FULFILED. DOES IT HURT, THOUGH? CAUSE I’M NOT INTO PAIN. OKAY, A LITTLE PAIN CAN BE FUN...OH, TMI?] We are always facing serious difficulties when it comes to selling our art works to Americans, most of them are always offering to pay with a US POSTAL MONEY ORDER, which is difficult for us to cash here in United Kingdom. [REALLLLY? HOW TERRIBLE FOR YOU.]

[AND NOW WE GET TO THE SCAM...]We are looking for a representative in the states who will be working for us as a part time worker, someone who would be helping us receive payments from my customers in the States. [HMMMM...LET ME THINK ABOUT IT. NO.] I mean someone that is responsible and reliable [YOU’RE SO KIND. LAVISHING ALL THESE LOVELY COMPLIMENTS ON ME. HOW’D YOU KNOW I’M RESPONSIBLE AND RELIABLE? SOMEONE TOLD YOU, RIGHT? WAS IT MY GREAT AUNT MATILDA? THE SWEET LADY IS ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR ME. BUT THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.] and we are willing to pay 10% for every transaction, this would not affect your present state of work. [OOOH 10% COULD ADD UP TO OODLES. I’M SO IN. NOT.] The cost of coming to the States and getting payments has been very expensive, although we working on setting up a branch in the States. So we need a representative in the United States who will be handling the payment aspect for now as I said earlier. These payments would come to you in your name via FedEx or Usps from my business partners, so all you need do is cash the Money Order in your bank, deduct your percentage and wire the rest to me here via Western Union Money Transfer or Money gram Money Transfer. [WOW, THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC! I GET THE CHECKS. I DEPOSIT THE MONEY AND ONLY THEN DO I WIRE TRANSFER THE REST...HOW COULD IT BE A SCAM?] All transfer fees should be deducted from the money before sending it to me. [YEAH, YEAH, I GOT IT.] But the problem we have is trust, although we have our way of getting anyone that gets away with our money, I mean the FBI branch in Washington gets involved. [OH YES, IT’S SO IMPORTANT TO HAVE TRUST. AND SOMEONE WHO’S WILLING TO KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT AND NOT PASTE THIS BULLSHIT ALL OVER THE INTERNET SO THAT THEIR SCAM IS RUINED AND THEY HAVE TO SPEND TEN MINUTES COOKING UP SOMETHING ELSE.]If you are interested, please provide this information bellow as this asures [WHAT’S ASURE? MEAN? IS IT ONE OF THOSE STRANGE BRITISH SLANG WORDS? YOU KNOW, LIKE “TAKE THE PISS”? I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME WRAPPING MY BRAIN AROUND THAT ONE. HOW CAN “TAKE” MEAN DOLE OUT? SIGH. THOSE BRITISH PEOPLE...]our partnership and also reply via this email: bethyarts@yahoo.co.uk [SORRY, NOT YOUR GIRL. I NEED MY MONEY. YOU KNOW, TO FEED ALL THOSE KIDS.]

[GETTING SERIOUS HERE FOR A MINUTE: FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW HOW THIS SCAM WORKS, I’LL EXPLAIN IT. THERE ARE MANY FORMS THIS CAN TAKE, INCLUDING A SCAM TO SHIP PURCHASED PETS FROM STATE TO STATE. IN SIMPLE TERMS, THE CHECKS SENT TO YOU FROM THE SO-CALLED “CUSTOMERS” ARE BOGUS, BUT THEY TAKE A WEEK OR TWO TO BOUNCE. BY THE TIME THEY DO, YOU’VE ALREADY WIRED GOBS OF MONEY TO THE SCAMMER AND YOU’RE COOKED. DON’T FALL FOR THIS IN ANY FORM! IT SEEMS LEGIT, SINCE YOU’RE RECEIVING THE CHECKS AHEAD OF TIME. THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE FOOLED EVERY YEAR. SPREAD THE WORD! IT’S A BAD SCAM.]