All my life I thought I was free. I was nobody's puppet. I could
make my own decisions, choose my own actions, say my own words. I
could decide when to be strong and when to be furious. I could do
whatever I wanted to do. I don't think I've been more wrong in my
life.

I should probably start from the beginning. I ran away to join
the circus when I was twelve. They made me apart of the circus
freak show. I was the human pretzel. I would contort my body into
many nearly impossible shapes. I thought I found my freedom with
the circus. I was young and naive. After all I was only twelve.
Now that I am sixteen I know the circus wasn't my freedom after
all. Everyone treated me and the rest of the freaks
horribly.

"Line up you freaks of nature!" the ring leader, Ricky Shorts
yelled.

We would line up and be as scared as mice. I remember feeling
knees shake. I almost pasted out from anxiety.

"You people disgust me! You guys can't even do your job right!
You guys aren't bringing in enough money!" Ricky shouted at us. I
could feel his angry spit hit me in the face with every word he
says.

"I'm sorry Ricky. We will try better." all the freaks
said.

"You guys better! Or else you are not getting fed and getting
whipped!" he yelled as he storms out of our tent.

I could feel my tears fall from my emerald green eyes. I look
around and see that no one else is as upset as me. On the other
hand I am the youngest circus freak.

Ronda the bearded lady came over "Cheer up, Candie. Our show is
about to start."

I head into the changing room and put on my outfit. I put on this
beautiful leotard and tutu. I put my make up on and I am ready
for the show.

"Wow! Candie you are so pretty tonight!" Ronda told
me.

I could feel the adrenaline moving through my body. I hear Human
Pretzel. I know that is me. I walk out on to the stage. I can
feel that I have some cramps. I couldn't stop because the
spotlight is on me and I am a preformer. I just tried to ignore
my cramps. I did a cartwheel first. Then I did a chin stand.
After that I did a hand stand. Right before the finale splits, I
had my period. It went through my tights and I ran off stage
crying because I knew I was going to get in a huge amout of
trouble.

"What in the hell was that?" Ricky asked me
angrily.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to get my period during my
performance." I said. Ricky then gave me a huge smack in the
face. It was so huge I fell to my knees. I looked up to
him.

"Don't ruin my show! Just for that tonight you don't get to eat!"
Ricky shouted at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I said while I am bawling in the dirt on
the ground. "It was an accident."

***

I had to go to bed without food. I was so hungry. Thank goodness
that Ronda is my friend.

"I brought you some crutons. I know it isn't much, but I tried."
she said.

"Thank you Ronda." I said as I gave her a hug.

"Well I think everyone in the freak show is family. That is what
family does." Ronda said.

She was right we may not be from the same biological family but
all we have is each other. We are a family and we need to look
out for each other. These people are all I have.

***

Ricky called me into his tent once. I had no idea why he called
me into his tent but I went anyways because I didn't want to get
punished for being disobedient.

"Ricky?" I asked.

"Come in, Candie." He said with a sly smile on his
face.

"You wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to enjoy some time with you."

I took a seat in the chair near him. I waited for him to say
something but he didn't. He just started to rub my
thigh.

"I wanted to ask you something, Candie."

Oh god. Please don't tell me he wants to marry me.
"Okay?"

"I want you to be the mother of my child."

I have no idea what to say. I just shake my head and try and walk
out of the tent. But Ricky grabs me and pins me down on the
couch.

"Listen to me you little brat. I need you. I need your beauty,
your tricks, your endurance. Together we could rule this circus
and have a perfect baby."

"Please, stop. Let me go. Ricky, please!" I started to cry and
scream.

He didn't listen. He wouldn't let me go. He only cared about
having me. I felt filthy and gross.
After he let me leave, I put on my clothes. I tried to find
Ronda. I found her in a tent. "Ronda, I feel so gross right
now."

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

She held me in her arms. "Ricky, he, raped me."

She gave me a shocked look. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. He said he wanted to have a child with me. He said I was
beautiful and talented. I'm scared."

"Pack your bags. Run and never look back. You need to
leave."

I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my bags once again and ran. I
didn't even give one look back. I ran as far as I could. When I
thought I ran far enough I sat on a street corner and cried. I
didn't know if they were tears of joy or tears of
sadness.

***

I finally found my freedom. I am now living with a nice couple
who adopted me. They treat me like their family.
I don't get beaten for doing something wrong. I don't get starved
for something I can't control. I just get love. I just get
unconditional love.