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Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Runaway Bunny

Sometimes I get downright terrified in my vulnerable moments that God is not really with me or that I don't deserve to have him care or that I haven't done anything good enough for him in a while and so he has given up. Sometimes I am scared that we're all alone. I wake up from muddled dreams that I knew were happening and yet I couldn't stop them, and I tried to pray through them but they just kept forming as I tossed in my restless sleep. Then I remember.

"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." Psalm 139

We live in a big, scary world. The longer you are alive the more you realize all the pain that people live with, all the bad that exists. You can't keep it out, no matter how hard you try. Even when I was young I was never completely carefree - though I can kick back and let the good times roll with the best of them, I find in some of the most unexpected, quiet or weak moments I am overwhelmed with the tragedy around us, the lack of justice, the never ending stories on the news of people killing other people, or even my own badness.

It is too much. I know too much that I can't unknow.

In these moments what else can be done but to mumble, whisper, and cry out prayers. These are precious words that are heard by an Almighty Ear. That's all I know. Is that I can think prayers, I can voice prayers, I can sob prayers, and they are always being listened to. I don't know that I care about the answer so much as I just need to know, have to know, must know that God is with me, always, where ever I go, and he is listening.

None of us can go so far that he can't reach us, and none of us can go so far that he doesn't want to reach us. He will always want to reach us, he will always want to hear us, he will always want to know us.

“If you become a bird and fly away from me,said his mother, “I will be a tree that you come home to.” [The Runaway Bunny]

Whether you are tying to run, or if the world just came crashing down on you, or your dreams keep you awake at night, or you are just mad at what we as humans are all capable of doing to ourselves and each other, remember, dear God remember, that he is with us. Holding us. Healing us.

I may not sleep peacefully tonight, but I will fall asleep talking to one who will endlessly listen and love.