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Monday, 1 February 2016

Pre Lungaversary

So next month my amazing lungs will be '3'... as in I would have had them for 3 years, I have no idea how old they actually are.

Every lungaversary gives me time to reflect on my life, remember where I've come from, what I've been through and where I'm going.

I'm a very practical person, the type that keeps lists of EVERYTHING and has a step by step action plan to achieve my goals. I believe that without a goal, we have nothing to work towards and this is what makes so many people feel lost. Before my transplant my ONLY goal was to get new lungs. Every day, all I would do is focus on staying alive and keeping my body as healthy as possible whilst I waited for lungs. People suggested I get out the house more, paint or study to take my mind off things. I didn't want to take my mind off things (and I was way too sick to do any of these things anyway). My goal was set and if the task wasn't going to help me achieve that goal then I wasn't interested. Then, on the 5th of March 2013, my goal and lifetime DREAM came true, I received a beautiful pair of lungs and was happier than ever!

After my transplant I had the difficult task of setting new goals. First I needed to be able to look after myself, both physically and financially. I achieved this. Financial independence is something I am very proud of. It was challenging trying to bring in a decent income having never really worked or studied anything. On top of that, I always prioritise my health and working a full time job would not be in the best interests of my health. So, basically I needed a non student income, without any qualifications or experience AND I needed it to be a part time job. Fairly impossible, right? Luckily, I was blessed with a problem solving mind and an attitude that allowed me to strategically place myself at the 'right place at the right time'. I am now a freelance social media manager and whilst the digital marketing world is a very challenging fast paced industry, being able to set my own hours is exactly what I needed.

Last year I also met the most amazing human who has added so much joy to my life. I always said that I was very happy being single and unless I met someone that could ADD to my life, it wasn't worth the admin! Travis has done exactly that, my life is less complicated and more fun. He is amazingly supportive and I really am SO lucky to have found him.

So, life is good. My career is growing, I have great friends, a lovely home, an amazing boyfriend and good health.

But that has lead to a rather peculiar state of mind. Instead of feeling contempt, I am feeling very overwhelmed and a little 'lost'. Yes, I have career goals and I can always improve on my health (fitness in particular) but I am feeling very 'goalless'. I suppose this is because none of these goals will ever be as important as 'LIFE'. I will never be able to explain the emotional and physical challenges that came with my transplant, I can say that I am often in awe at the fact that I got through it. It has definitely left me with a mindset that not even I can understand most of the time.

Basically I need to find something more fulfilling to do in my life. Time is precious and even though the progress I have made over the last 3 years has been incredible, I feel like I need to up my game and push even harder. I know my good health won't last forever and so the pressure I put on myself to achieve as much as I can in a short space of time is immense.

Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud here but to summarise -

Don't wander through life without a dream. Set goals and make them happen.

Time is not guaranteed, do things TODAY because you may not have tomorrow to do them.