In Lone Survivor, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Emile Hirsch, Ben Foster, and Taylor Kitsch play four members of SEAL Team 10, who were trapped behind enemy lines during “Operation Red Wings” in June 2005 while trying to kill Taliban leader Ahmad Shah. I wish I knew how that turned out, but the title of the movie isn’t giving me any hints.

Does it make it worse if you die during the course of an operation named for the act of performing cunnilingus on a menstruating woman? Seems like that would just add insult to injury.

I kid, but seriously, this was written and directed by Peter Berg, and if I’m going to watch a military movie, it might as well be made by the guy who once yelled at a reporter to “JOIN THE ARMY, MOTHERF*CKER!”

I say that in all seriousness. The Kingdom was legit. Not seeing this would wrap me in a cocoon of horror.

The book this movie is based on is one of the most badly written true stories of war that I’ve read, and I’ve read a lot of them. Most if it is Lutrell bragging about how badass SEALs are, and he says the only reason he didn’t kill a goat herder who compromised his team is because the “liberal media” would have crucified him. I feel bad for what happened and respect these guys, but this guy is hard to sympathize with in some respects.

Oh, that’s it. I’ve had it with the entiya lawt ah yous cawksuckas. Faaaaaack yous and ya fackin’ moms right in her fackin cum dumpsta of a fackin mouth. Make fun of me, my boy Affleck oah Southie one moah fackin time, I daeh yous.

As much as I like The Berg’s hostile rants to news journalists, let’s be honest and say that The Kingdom is just CSI: The Movie set in Saudi Arabia with some decent action scenes thrown in to throw off the CBS stench.

I really hope they don’t fuck this one up like they fucked up Zero Dark. They owe everyone so much better. The one who survived this only did so because he was literally blown off the side of a mountain. Hollywood can choke on a dick. Love, Uncle Gobias

Also the grooming standards of the Marines from Generation Kill doesn’t appear to apply to SEALs judging by the generic look of the ones in this and Zero Dark Thirty. Is that a genuine look or just Hollywood styling?