Me

Software engineer and graduate student of history.
I believe that a historian must do their best to write history from all possible accounts, perspectives and credible sources, and its utilitarian value depends on how scholarly and objective the methods used were in arriving to its conclusions, and that will be the only things you'll see in this blog (when it comes to history).
Anything that has vested interests in mind from its conception is NOT HISTORY.
I am a firm believer in freedom and social justice, and that all government decisions must emanate from this principle.

An Open-Ended Song

That song plays in my head for quite a while now. It plays on my smartphone. it plays on my roommate’s laptop. It plays inside my head.

I’m not sure why you appear on every lyric of the song. Should we go back?

I remember what you wore on the first dayYou came into my life and I thought heyYou know, this could be something

Well, this is not entirely true, although I remember how we met and how that went. I was the last person you met for the year. Apparently, You were the last one I met, too, and I thank God I’m not in some social event that night. I surely would be the guy walking past you everyday without knowing who you are, and you would be the same to me.

Everything you say sounded so intelligent, even if you were just saying nonsense. I don’t know how every word you say just takes me aback and makes me realize things in my life I’ve never even believed before. Even if you don’t mean it, I wonder how you spark abstract thoughts that just simply tell me something I should know. It’s worth describing you this way:

‘Cause everything you do and words you sayYou know that it all takes my breath awayAnd now I’m left with nothing

It was New Year. I was sitting with my friends in virtual presence. We were all on Facebook that night. That was the same exact night when, a year before that, I was holding my phone and telling some wonderful woman that she should have a happy new year and that I love her. A year after that, there was no woman anymore, but a bunch of friends who made my New Year much, much happier than it was supposed to be.

Exactly, you were not one of those guys holding a drink with me, but you were one of my friends. I consider you part of those who made my night a much less miserable one than planned.

That’s because you came to my life when I was completely wrecked. You came immediately after she left. You became the last person I knew when at that time I don’t want to know anyone else. You greeted me a happy new year when there was supposedly nothing to be happy about. Apparently, I told myself since then that I don’t need anyone. I can eat meals alone, can stand being alone in my apartment without calling anyone. I designed my life to need no woman in it.

You entered my life after she left me.

I was completely wretched, wrecked, UNDONE.

Apparently, you did opposite of what my life’s design was. You ate with me. You stayed with me on my apartment. You once brought me food (which I wasted, so sorry by the way). You forced my design to go out of shape. I was just beginning to rediscover how to live alone when you came into my life.

That’s when I realized “I’m the Hero of this Story” (an old blog post) and decided to just force myself away from you. Yup. that’s the reason you’ve been looking for. I don’t need to be saved.

But distance was carelessness. It was my fault to fall deeper.

So maybe it’s true that I can’t live without youAnd maybe two is better than one.

I don’t know. Maybe it is. I’m asking you.

But there’s so much time to figure out the rest of my life.

Then we go back today, when I realize that this isn’t where life ends. There’s more to life than this, and why am I here, being crazy about you? Why did I start to like you anyway? What if two really is better than one?

Dear, I have maybe a whole lifetime to answer that for myself. You might not even notice as you go on with living, but these are things I learned that could never be taken so easily. Just please allow me to use my whole lifetime figuring out where I am going.

And you’ve already got me coming undoneAnd I’m thinking two is better than one

You came at the time I’m totally unprepared, when I was building up myself again. I’m thinking if it’s even possible to uh…

…uh, figure that last sentence out with you.

But there’s so much time to figure out the rest of my life.

But yea. There’s so much time to figure this out. Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure this out on my own. Dear, just pretend you didn’t read anything when you’re with me, okay?

…

As to how this song ends, it’s all in your hands.

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Gabby Gagno

Software engineer and graduate student of history.
I believe that a historian must do their best to write history from all possible accounts, perspectives and credible sources, and its utilitarian value depends on how scholarly and objective the methods used were in arriving to its conclusions, and that will be the only things you'll see in this blog (when it comes to history).
Anything that has vested interests in mind from its conception is NOT HISTORY.
I am a firm believer in freedom and social justice, and that all government decisions must emanate from this principle.
View all posts by Gabby Gagno