Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Let It Go!

So this one time, I was running all around New York City. When was this? No. It never happened. Scratch that, it wasn't New York City, it was the frozen tundra of Antarctica. That's it. I was in Antarctica (which is just like New York this time of year), and I saw this guy just sitting on a toadstool in the middle of Antarctica. It was like something right out of Super Mario.

Duh buh dah buh dah!

I walked up to this guy on the toadstool and I was all like, "This is Antarctica! Where did you get that toadstool?" Turns out he brought it from home. Home is where the heart is. I know that deeply, as I was once entombed beneath the antarctic ocean. How I longed for home! Fortunately, my one-armed undead cousin who lives in Antarctica came by and dug me out. The undead are really very useful. Not like those zombies you always see on T.V. that just eat your brain and move on. I mean, they still like eating brains, but it's not their reason for living. We just need to understand one another better.

"Brains! Brain! Bran! Bran flakes!"

But getting back to the ice, I was trapped under the antarctic glaciers. Thankfully, golbal warming will soon render such maladies perfunctory. I can only smile and pack my suitcase and look out the window, dreaming of a day when there will be no ice left on Earth. Yes! The sea levels will rise! The disruption in the ocean currents will freeze Europe into a new ice age! Bwa ha ha! It's gonna happen. There's no stopping mother nature. She just can't help herself. Point? Point! Checkmate! Yahtzee!