The Irish

An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.
His wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?”
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.
“Here boy” he replies.

image from google images

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”.
Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

image from google images

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND “. Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.

image from google images

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No”, shouts Paddy, “this is her husband!”

image from google images

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says “For god’s sake Paddy, that’s your air freshener swinging about!”

image from google images

Paddy’s in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. “What the hell you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself” Paddy replies.
“It should be around your neck” says the Guard.
“I know” says Paddy “but I couldn’t breathe”.

image from google images

An answer I can understand.
An American tourist asks an Irishman: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the Irishman replies: “If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the bloody boat.”

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

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About Di

Di believes that the most important and most fulfilling “job” she has is being a mom of two.
She is an animal communicator. Her greatest passion is animals and their welfare.
She enjoys writing about animals and topics to help others with their spiritual growth.