Because Acceptance is beautiful, and Heaven is overrated.The poetry and musings of Erin Monahan

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

w/f 33 looking for happiness

Pain, loss, grief: they are all a part of the human experience. I've always said that without them, there would be no true joy or happiness, no appreciation of the positive. That having only one constant emotion would be monotonous, and that eventually it would be as depressing as any temporary sadness we feel, except for the unending continuity of it. I imagine that there would be an extremely high suicide rate; the knowledge of the lack of highs would overwhelm the absence of lows. We would simply trudge on with no expectation of improvement.

But I would welcome the absence of lows right now.

J told me today that he'd learned that it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time. I told him that I hoped his happies were outnumbering his sads. I wish mine were too. I'm not generally an unhappy person. I don't like being who I am right now.

I know that as time goes by, it will change, it will be easier or less oppressive or whatever it is that you want to call it. But 'now' is where I am, and I'm tired of being unhappy, tired of crying over everything and nothing.

Sending hugs and a box of generic Kleenex (sorry, I'm broke.) Or better yet, you can wipe your nose for free on my sleeve, like I do when there's no generic Kleenex.

I am still amazed by your strength and toghetherness, though I'm sure you don't feel strong or together presently. I cannot even fathom what you're going through, but I believe you are a tough cookie and you will make it past this. My mother always says, "It's always darkest before the dawn." I know it's cheesy, but it's one of those things I repeat to myself when I am feeling low.

Ah the tears,...I have learned that for myself I find it easier to let them pour with the knowledge that someday, They will be cleansing. Heres to hoping I am correct in my thinking. Thinking of you and yours daily...Kriss

Erin, something I came across in some old papers: "In creation there is not only a Yes but also a No; not only a height but also an abyss; not only clarity but also obscurity; not only progress but also impediment and limitation...it is true that ...men experience these things in most unequal measure, their lots being assigned by a justice which is curious or very much concealed. Yet it is irrefutable that creation and creature are good...."

About Me

Traveler of a winding path, content in my journey, unconcerned with the destination. Spiritual, not religious. Quirky, but not quite odd. Named for the place I come from, and which I'll likely never see. Trying to change the world one little bit at a time...