my first post here

Hi, I'm 19 years old and will be 20 this april. I have a 7 month old son and live in an apartment with my girlfriend. I've wanted to die for a very long time. My first attempt was at about the age of 16. Back then I thought slicing your wrist would kill you. I did get a bit smarter and did some research. I've overdosed on various pills several times. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> is the largest I believe. I thought I did my research well that time, but I am here typing today none the less. I have never gone for help, I dont believe anything can change my mind and no one would ever help me commit suicide. I have failed so many times that im scared to try. I live near a train now and everytime i hear it i wonder if i could lay on those tracks. ofcourse i researched that too and it seems unlikely. my luck the conductor would see me and stop the train. Jumping, drowning, and all those certain methods scare me too much, but i just cant stop thinking of ways to kill myself. my plan now is to try acetaminophen again, using a different method of taking the pills, or waiting til i am 21 and can buy a handgun. No one around me even cares anymore since i have been suicidal for so long. i guess they assume ill never do it. i wish i could prove them wrong.

First welcome to SF. You have found the perfect place for you today. A place where you can talk about all that has brought you here. Members here understand and want to help you get through this. No judging or critizing. Just people like yourself that are dealing with thoughts and urges to suicide. You are free to talk about the things you cant tell people in RL. But there will be no methods offered here. This is a pro life site.

Keep posting. Tell us what brought you here. Reading your post I see a very strong brave young man that has been battling a demon that is impossible to fight by yourself. Here you have people that will help, you are no longer alone hun :arms:

Welcome to the forums.. Have you had time to read any threads here?? If so then you know your not alone.. There are plenty of us who are suicidal..Being here at the forum has saved my life three times.. I've been in therapy for five years and it has taught me how to put those thoughts behind me..I think about it daily but learned to address it first thing in the morning..Then I put it away in sort of a closet and try not to think about it the rest of the day..No one here wants to see anything happen to you..Please keep posting and we will help you to keep going..Take care!!!

Welcome and I hope to see more posts from you. I agree with stranger, take some time and read some posts, not just the new ones but the old ones to. Its hard to live with depression and sucidial thoughts, its even harder to reach out and realize that maybe you need help, that its stronger than you, but you can take control back...I know Ive been there alot of times, and it took me years to realize that maybe I will need to take my meds forever, but Im a better person and things are better when I do.

Ive been back on my meds for 2 months now and I can honestly say that I can count on my hands how many times Ive thought of leaving this world, which is huge considering 2 months ago thats all I could think of, all day every minute it was torturing me, telling me my family and the ones around you would be better off without me. These are lies that this disease, this mind games are playing on you. Dont fall for it,

I can also say growing up without a father is horrible, at my teen ages I reach out for that male love and not in a good way. Your daughter needs you and loves you uncondiotionally no matter if your having a bad day or if your up and having great days. She needs you to teach her how to live in this world, that it doesnt have to be awful, that you can change and live how you like. It may not be what you always thought it would be but it can be bearable and enjoyable to you and for her.

I also started having these thoughts at a young age, please reach out for help, visit a doc, try therapy, what do you have to lose. Nothing but your daughter and you will lose out on so much.

PM if you ever want to talk, or if I can talk you into getting help. Dont feel alone in this, cause your not and Im glad you found this site, its done wonders and people really care here. Keep posting and letting some of it out, get if off your back. Let us know why you feel the way you do, I bet some of us can relate or have been through it before and we can give you some examples on what helped us.

Yea I also thought that, until I found the right ones. I will say there is no miracle drug out there, there are ones that will help clear your mind so you can think and calm the anxiety and quiet the thoughts, but really its all up to you and how much your willing to fight.

Its no joke, sorry if you got that from posts, sometimes life feels like its playing tricks on you, making you feel crazy, and the thoughts are the only things that bring comfort. But realize they are just thoughts, and reacting to them lets them win.

Acetaminophen will hurt...like hell, destroy your liver (and possibly some areas of your brain), and leave you disabled and in need of a liver transplant. But most likely, you will not die from it. And if you've ever seen a psychiatrist or therapist, or been diagnosed with anything, you won't be able to buy a gun. They look up your medical background before they sell it to you. Why not focus your energy on trying to find ways to live rather than trying to find a way to die?