A spokesman claiming to represent right wing extremist group Britain First today claimed that BF had rejected offers of eternal kinship from the Islamic State. In a carefully prepared statement, the alleged ‘spokesman’ told anyone who’d listen as he shouted from a bullhorn in London’s Trafalgar Square:

“Britain First was approached via an email in the early hours of Wednesday requesting that we ought to align with the Islamic State in a gesture of global brotherhood.

“Britain First totally reject any such overture. We have nothing in common with ISIS. All they seem to want is to establish a state based on their own ideology, with complete disregard for anyone who disagrees with their extreme viewpoints. They are prepared to perpetrate extreme violence, sectarianism, forcing women to make the tea – and that is distinctly not what Britain First is all about. We don’t go around telling people what to do, and chopping their heads off if they disagree with us. At least – not just yet. And anyway – they’re foreigners. We are working in the interests of our fellow patriots in rejecting these overtures – next thing is they’ll be coming over here stealing our benefits and taking council houses off deserving British drug addicts, and we’re not having that.”

The alleged spokesman repeated the statement several times to a crowd of bewildered Japanese tourists, until a pigeon shat on his head and he beat a hasty retreat towards the Strand whilst shouting a stream of colourful expletives.