Just because we’re all grown up doesn’t mean that we no longer face significant issues with our parents. Often times, getting older means we typically have a certain level of autonomy and physical distance from them, but as an adult child, old habits always manage to persist.

One of the biggest complaints adult children have is that our mother, father or both lack the understanding of what it means to be parents of adults. Be it force of habit or sheer comfort, the ones who cared for us from an early age tend to treat us as if we are clueless teenagers, incapable of making the “right” choices in life.

There are also those child-parent relationships that are flawed from the jump. This can be due to drug, mental or physical abuse, neglect, or a general flaw that may have simply drained the health out of the relationship.

Between these extremes lie many factors that can contribute to unpleasant adult-child/parent dynamics. If you can relate, dig the following tips that may help you mend fences with your own folks (or at least come to terms with the dysfunctionality of it all):

Accept who they are, don’t try to change them. Just because your folks may not do and say the things you may need them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all their heart. Try to accept their brand of love, and be willing to speak out when and if their unique style causes you personal harm. It’s also important to remember that the only person you can change is yourself.

Keep realistic expectations for you and your loved ones. Strive develop to a healthier state of mind; the rest will surely follow. You may not be able to forget their indiscretions, but in time, you may be able to forgive your parents for the hurts they may have caused. Try healing a relationship with resentment in your heart. It’s a no win situation – period. It’s very critical to create boundaries in any healthy relationship, and parents are no exception to that rule.

Deciding when and how to spend time with them, and the type of information to share is key when developing, and maintaining, a positive bond. If you know your mom, dad or grandparent blames everything on you, you may want to avoid telling her about the argument you just had with your sibling, or significant other, unless you’re just in the mood to have your heart broken.

Understand your intentions and don’t give into guilt. Sometimes when our loved ones catch wind of our attempt to build a healthy relationship, they tend to put their ‘annoying’ tendencies on full blast, so to speak. Just remember your true purpose: To sustain a lasting, loving relationship. Take their inevitable guilt trips with a grain of salt. If you are lucky enough to get things on track, they’ll be grateful for it, and of course, so will you.

My Name is Collins, I want to appreciate [email protected] for bringing my girlfriend back to me. I am living with my girlfriend now and we are getting married in a month time. I just wanted to thank you for all your help and support. You are wonderful spell caster.

BreaktheCycle

Thank you for this! Im realizing more and more that longing for a Cosby show type relationship with my parents is not going to happen. But, I can love them for who they are and accept their flaws. These people raised me, and even though we often don’t see eye to eye, I don’t want to look back one day and say I didn’t appreciate a part of them I should have.