Ask Nell (03/27/02)

My boyfriend (of a long time) started asking me about non-traditional sex recently. I’m really kind of weirded out by the idea. Am I overreacting or is he?

– Confused

A: Dear Confused,

During a recent late night game of “Never Have I Ever,” I learned that non-traditional sex is a much more common practice than I thought it was. I can’t personally give you any advice, so I went ahead and asked people who had experienced the back alley and other such places. From the information I had gathered, the event can be exciting and new, but can be very painful and not nearly pleasurable as traditional copulation. You are completely normal to be weirded out and I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’m hoping you are not talking about nasal sex (I’m at a lack of words for that one) and other odd rituals (hot wax, goats, etc …) If so, there are excellent health professionals at the Memorial Health Center to help you with your severe mental state. The choice is ultimately yours. If you are worried about the physical part of it, go to www.fetishlinks.com to read more about health risks and advice from specialists. As always, don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Q: Dear Nell,

I started getting really annoyed by my girlfriend. We’ve been together for awhile, and now it seems every little thing she does bugs me. Is it time to break up?

-Severely Annoyed

A: Dear Annoyed,

Getting fed up with people is a normal reaction after a while in a relationship. All those little things your girlfriend used to do that were cute may seem a little old now. Don’t take this as a sign of an ending relationship. After spending a lot of time with people, you start to notice all the little things that didn’t bug you before. Take my advice: tell her what is bothering you. I’m sure she doesn’t realize what she is doing. For that matter, she might even be annoyed by some things that you do. Tell her (in a nice way) that you care about her and like spending time with her, but her___________ bothers the hell out of you. Hopefully she will open up and tell you the same.

Q: Dear Nell,

This girl always talk to me in class. It seems like we spend the whole time talking about nothing and not paying attention. She’s really cute and I’d like to see her outside of class, but I don’t know what to say to her to not make her freak out. Should I let it go?

-Definitely crushing

A: Dear Definitely crushing,

Your situation is not hopeless. A common bond is always the best way to meet someone. You both have class together, so do something with that. Have a test coming up? Need some “extra help?” Ask her. This way it will be completely legitimate and help you get to know her better. If she says no, but you may be out of luck. If you want to be more extreme, start talking about a movie. Blade II (my personal favorite) or 40 days/40 nights works well. She will want to see one of those. When (and if) you go out, show her the time of her life. If you decide to go all out crazy, paint your name on her chest, buy three dozen roses, get your friends to sing back up for you and sing “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’ ” on her doorstep at 3 a.m. She’ll either love you or hate you.

I’m very close to my grandmother, and she relies on me for help sometimes. She’s actually very young for a grandmother, but she has some unfortunate health issues that cause her to struggle with some cognitive things, so I try really hard to help her handle th... More »