"...in all countries whether existent now or in the future..." "...to neither divulge nor make known said knowledge by any means, including but not limited to speech, writing demonstration, re-enactment, mime, or storage and retrieval within means or apparatus currently known or unknown, or as yet unthought of." "Specialist equipment required in the execution of duties in his professional role as Burglar shall be purchased, procured, purloined or obtained by Burglar..." "Portage rates for excess baggage..." "...[should] said goods, property, and merchandise fail to arrive at the destination nominated by the Burglar, then and in such a case the present instrument is cancelled, void, and of no value." "Let the present instrument also be cancelled if the said Burglar refrains from asking or exacting payments of the aforesaid amounts of money, goods, property or merchandise for the space of one year after..." "Present Company shall not be liable for injuries..."

It's not exactly how Tolkien wrote it, but there's enough clever humor in there (the visual gag alone is pretty funny) that I don't mind