Moments of Truth

by OneTaste Living Library Mar 15, 2012

nnBy Aubrey F.nnSomeone says to me, “No one wants to give you adjustments or tell you the truth because they’re scared of you.”nnAn avalanche of shame begins to crumble inside my body. Rocks of discomfort fall from inside my chest into the pit of my belly. My face gets hot and bright red. I look down at the floor while my heart pounds heavily. I can feel people looking at me and judging me. I feel awkward and exposed and attacked.nnI’m at a choice-point in this moment, and it’s a choice-point that I have worked and practiced and burned in order to have. All of my practices have been for this one moment. This one moment is The Moment of Truth, the one that we have all been waiting for. It may seem like any other moment, one of trillions that I’ve had and will have, but it’s not, because inside of this moment exists the seed of my freedom. Inside of this moment exists the choice to free myself from my conditioning and programming.nnI have been OMing for over three years, going to yoga for one year, and cultivating my focus, attention, and presence in various ways for about eight years. All of it is in order to have actual choice, because being able to choose is having free will. Free will may be touted as our human birthright, but we certainly don’t receive that right without learning how to side-step and step out of our deep conditioning and ingrained reactions, which are based on the identities that we’ve constructed for ourselves. Identity is like a vehicle with which to travel in our world, but we have become stuck in it in many ways and cemented into our ideas of who we are. This is where taking on a practice comes in.nnIn these last eight years, I have expanded this moment of being able to choose my reaction from less than a nano-second into a full second, or perhaps three or four. They say in 12-Step programs that every year of sobriety gets you a full second of time to hesitate and think before automatically reaching for your habitual vice on a bad day. All it takes is a second for me to halt in my reaction and think, 'wait a minute. What do I really desire here? What do I really want to say to this person? Is anger and defensiveness actually the thing I want to express? Is there possibly something else that wants a voice, something tender and sweet and vulnerable, something that doesn’t get to take the stage very often?' I get to take that second and think, feel, and invite out that tiny soft voice. I get to choose. I get to be vulnerable instead of angry, or receptive instead of stubborn.nnOrgasmic Meditation in particular has trained me for these moments of truth that come along unexpectedly and abruptly. It has taught me how to hold my attention on a single point of focus for extended periods of time. It has taught me how to feel immense amounts of sensation while staying completely relaxed and psychically, physically, emotionally, and mentally open and in full reception. It has taught me how to surrender to feeling my body and trusting it to take in and sort out what I come into contact with. Touching into this place through OM on a daily basis has created a much lengthier choice-point for me, so when someone says to me, “People are scared of you,” I can look at them, listen, breathe, open up, relax my belly, calm my mind, and fully receive this spiky and uncomfortable message instead of rejecting them, denying their feedback, and blocking their communication. I can even get off on it, the way you can go skydiving or bungee jumping and it’s insane but you love it, you love the moment of going completely against your survival instincts in order to experience the deepest freedom you’ve ever known. It’s exactly like that. I listen to something that I know will rearrange how I view myself and how I interact with people, and it’s against the survival instincts of my ego and my sense of self, but I choose it anyway. And then I get to have that moment of true freedom, of stepping outside of the bondage of self, of who I think I am, and into the light of who I am in the moment, unscripted and unknown.nnAs I receive this person’s communication, the sensation I can feel in my body skyrockets. My heart pounds, my stomach drops, my face flushes with blood, and my pussy flutters and pulses hotly. I can feel the people in the room looking at me in this exposed place and it’s like they are literally under my skin. As I sit with their words and allow them to penetrate me, I realize that the physical responses that I associate with shame are the very same things I experience when in a state of orgasm, and just like that, I am free.nn nnFreedom is in the truth. Orgasmic Meditation and the OneTaste work can offer you the tools to disarm your protective walls and let the truth shine through.