Discover what happens after the break-up

Sliding backwards

This week is regression city.I’m back to being hurt, and angry and bewildered.The understanding I had last week is not gone.It just does not keep the anger and pain away right now.If I’m not careful I may loss my job.I can’t stop snapping at people.Every little annoyance is magnified by a 100. Even as I type I am making typing errors which slows me down, pisses me off, and I already broke one keyboard already.Lucky for me it was after hours, and a keyboard I brought in myself.I know anger is supposed to be normal, but what how doe you be anger at someone and still wish it was different.I feel like I’m breaking inside.So many books talk about putting a happy face on, especially if you want your ex back.Hello, your hearty has just been ripped out, what in the hell are you supposed to be happy about?Why would your ex expect you to be all positive and glory.

I don’t hate her.I Hate what she’s doing.It’s stupid beyond imagining.And she’s doing it anyway.Just what n the fuck does she thinks she’s gonna find?And I bet if I saw her, when I see her because I know I will run into her, she’ll act like we’re friends.Good buddies that have not seen each other in a long time.Is this a front?Do these people do this on purpose to make themselves feel better, or are they just that stupid?Right now my inclination would be to tell her to just get the F$%^$ck away from me.She does not appreciate who I am, she does not need to be speaking to me. Except she isn’t, and seems more than happy not to do so.

All this pain.All this anger.Does not matter if its justified or not.It all comes down to not wanting the reality that is my life.Not accepting the reality of my life right now.I believe I deserve Tina.I believe I’m the best for her.She at some point felt the same way.And therefore, I feel she should want to at least work at it.But for any number of reason she does not.And so I’m left doing what I’m trying to do.Move on, live one, and live well enough to make her regret it.But that day is in the future.My present is that I regret it. I regret being with her.I regret that we are not together.I hate that we are not together.And I guess at some point I’ll hate her.And I hate that it will come to that, or that two people as in love as we seemed to be.To people who had connected, and spent so much time together.Two people that have shared so much.I mean, this is the woman that was standing next to me the moment mother passed away.She was in the room.And now, none of it matters.We’re supposed to move on as if we never intertwined our lives.Never see each other, and she is just gonna go look for a new man.Tell me world.What is the difference between having dinner with me, and some dude you don’t even know?What’s there?I don’t get it.