STOPPPP Grammy Time!!! oh woo oh woo

The Grammies were last night, I didn’t watch it because I have much better things to do with my time ….. and I’ve got absolutly nothing going on ….. I spent part of the time shredding old mail, and another portion cleaning my belly button. This says something about the grammies award show (not nessicarly the award). Honestly I think i’ve seen lady gaga be an attention whore and Justin Bieber prancing around somewhere before …..OH YEA ….. every god damn time i turn on, look at, or even get near any sort of media device…… I can’t get away from it ….. the best tweet i saw all night on the grammies was “if Lady Gaga REALLY wants to suprise everyone, why doesn’t she just show up in a normal outfit? Everyone would just die”

I did however look at some pictures on TMZ this morning and thats pretty much the same thing as being there so i will endevor to break it down for you.
First things first my golden child of the music business La Roux WON A GRAMMY for best dance album of the year. Everyone knows about my La Roux obsession so as expected I was happy about this. CONGRATULATIONs it was well deserved.

This girl here is like the anti-Kelly Osbourne ……errrrr…..wait that IS KELLY OSBOURNE are you freaking kidding me…..I bet I could have given you a million guesses and you would have never guessed this was Kelly Osbourne WTF happened she looks like she strolled over to the gig from her sorority house at USC. She does look good here no doubt but I have mixed feelings.

Ummmm do those jeans have a rubber nipple in the back that you hook your vacuum to and suck all the air out to vacuum seal them to your legs and balls….Like those space saver travel bags….I know you’ve fully come out and all but that still doesn’t justify this….

I didn’t realize Athena was nominated for anything this year……and where is Zeus (I bet the tabloids are buzzing about that).

Is that he-man wearing a red wig and a dress? P.S. you’re at the Grammies would it kill your hipster ass to crack a smile or at least not look like some one just told you to take out the trash, or wash the dishes…..

I see the traditional use of massive amounts of cocaine (most likely along with some potent psychedelics) is still alive and well in the music business. Some things are sacred.

where to even begin….I almost had to skip this one b/c her outfit is giving me vertigo….Seventy year Italian women working the make-up counter at Sears in New Jersey think that’s tacky. What can you expected from some one with a fake ass (literally). Here’s a rule of thumb if you’re going to suck, at least suck being yourself ….we already have Lady Gaga…and before that we had Madonna (the only one of the three that made good music, which is a problem since theoretically they are all 3 musicians). Nicki Minaj is clearly something that was put together by some MBA‘s in a board room by people trying to create “what americans want”. This my friends is their best effort…..and they wonder why they can’t make any money any more….. here is a hint ONE THING THAT WE WANT OUT OF OUR MUSICIANS IS THAT THEY MAKE MUSIC THAT IS GOOD (see la roux above) AND THAT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN IN A BOARD ROOM OR VIA A VIDEO CONFERENCE. SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO FIND SOME TALENT and, and this part is very important BY TALENT I MEAN MUSICAL TALENT NOT PORN POTENTIAL TALENT NOT SOMEONE YOU SAW ON A STRIPPER POLE THAT YOU FIGURED WILL SLAP SOME ASS IMPLANTS ON HER AND WE GOT A HIT……..if I want porn i’ll go watch porn, and the people that feel about fashion the way I feel about porn, when they want fashion they can go look at fashion BUT when we are looking for MUSIC from MUSICIAN what we are looking for is …. wait for it …. GOOD MUSIC … I know there has been some musicians that have become style icons etc. but people forget the ones that have done it were really good musicians first (madonna, david bowie to name a few) who just happen to have the other things along with it BUT YOU CAN’T SKIP THE MUSIC PART…..alright enough with that.

hmmmm new rule puffy shoulders don’t really work if you’re under 4’10”, you’re getting dangrously close to the hedgehog look.

You’re probably asking right now why not the hate for snooki like for Nicki Minaj? Because Snooki and all the Jersey Shore kids are who they are they’re not trying to be something they’re not. They’re were not trying to synthetically appeal to what people who have never been any where but Manhattan and LA think “americans want” they are how they are and they do what they do love it or hate it. I think that’s why the show was shocking to some people and why it has worked in part….take note music business we want people who are who they are regardless of what that is (see la roux above).

Since they made you leave your pistols in the green room you probably should have left your holster there too, and typically it is worn under your jacket. I just say that because I appreciate the attempt to at a very respectful, appropriate, and classy outfit but you TOTALLY fucked it up by wearing that OSHA safety harness over it. It’s just an awards show my friend I don’t think you have to be tied off for this one……..

This one was in the section “cute couples” but to capture the cute couple here they should have made the shot:

Oh and when did Steve Buscemi get married to J-Lo …. I guess that’s why he hasn’t made any movies in a while… If I was married to J-Lo I’d be prrrrrettttty busy myself…. might not see me around too often either.

how short do you have to be to make Paul Wall look tall….that dude must be a gnome….

Ponch put out a new album this year?

You and your bubby’s went through all the trouble to get all dressed up in expensive slick suits and roll out like a wanna be brat pack (or the guys from Swingers) and you go and screw it all up by not shaving……this is important the sound you hear in the back ground is your 15 minutes ticking down and then all you will have is the memories, memories you F#$%ed up by not shaving……

There you have it an all access inside pass to the Grammies. Now it’s like you were actually there also. So until we meet again I bid you adieu.