Mingle2 Blog

10 Essential Tips for Lesbian Online Dating

The population of Americans identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) increases each year. More people are identifying as nonbinary, and hetero norms are slowly fading away.

But online dating still hasn’t become any easier.

Lesbian online dating can still be a precarious and confusing affair. This new experience for many women can seem intimidating, but it shouldn’t be.

For some quick advice on what to do, what to say, and how to approach women online, refer to these short-but-sweet tips.

1. Be Authentic

You want to meet a woman who likes you for you, right? Well, you have to fill that online dating profile out like a casting director that fell in love with themselves. Highlight all your goofy moments, tender moments, and sad moments, too.

People are attracted to honesty and vulnerability. We also love it when women aren’t forcing themselves into any single category. If you don’t know who you are exactly, then don’t try to pick an archetype just yet.

2. Be Tactful

Don’t get on a dating site with the expectations that most people aren’t worth your time. You’ll find any excuse to avoid talking to someone. Dating profiles aren’t set in stone, and they don’t completely tell someone’s life story.

Obviously, if you find something you don’t like about someone, you should address it. If it is a deal breaker, just tell them “no thanks” and move on. Don’t waste time online arguing or debating others, you’re doing a disservice to yourself and other potential matches.

3. Be a Good Listener

Ask lots of questions and read between the lines for every answer. People love to talk about themselves, so try to be conscious of just how much talking you’re doing. Good conversations happen with a 50/50 sharing of information.

If you suspect that someone is indifferent or not very compassionate, that’s a huge red flag. Try to spend the first few days chatting online and seeing where it goes before talking over the phone. You can learn a lot from someone by the way they text.

4. Be Flirty, Have Fun

Dating online shouldn’t be stiff and awkward. People can pick-up on insecurities and uncertainty; they might believe you’re too uptight. Instead, try to tell jokes, flirt with them, and talk about what makes you happy.

The conversation can have both serious topics and lighthearted topics online. Learn how to flirt online if it isn’t your field of expertise.

5. Use the Buddy System

We cannot stress enough the importance of making you and your date feel as safe as possible when meeting for the first time.

For both parties, you should have two emergency contacts know where you’ll be meeting and when. First dates should be at a well-lit and public place.

You might even want to consider doing a double-date so that you can get another perspective on your first date.

6. It’s a Small World

Remember that the LGBTQ community is very close-knit, and in some places, it doesn’t take long for one to get a reputation, whether good or bad. When it comes to manners and first-impressions, don’t overthink things too much.

Traditional cisnormative culture doesn’t apply here. For example, when it comes to paying for dinner, the rule can vary. By default, most lesbians are okay with the person who asked the other out to pay for the meal.

Splitting the bill is a common practice, too, with 44% of LGBTQ singles agreeing.

7. Don’t Take It Personal

Don’t let rejection feel like a personal dig unless they said something to upset you.

Cancel Culture can be really toxic, especially in a still vulnerable community trying to be accepted fully.

8. Lesbian Identities

There’s a lot of different types of lesbians out there, not just butch and femme. Overall, you should have at least some understanding of these types. Some lesbian women are flexible, while others will prefer only one type.

Don’t get offended when someone messages you that you’re not their type without even talking to you. It is worth noting that these types of identities are becoming less common, as the lines of genders are blurred, and “queer” is emerging as the main signifier.

9. No Strings Attached

Dating as a lesbian for the first time can be confusing, even for the other party.

If you’re leaving another relationship, you need to be ready. You should move on completely from your previous relationship to avoid confusing feelings or potential heartbreak.

Other women will be able to sniff out your emotional hangups and realize that you are not completely invested in them.

10. Don’t Give Up!

Lesbian online dating can feel a little dry sometimes, so you have to stay grounded to avoid frustration. Remember that there’s a lot of fish in the sea, so it’s all about playing those numbers. You may have to go through a lot of duds before you find your match.

Keep your dates light so that you don’t get emotionally exhausted from constantly repeating deep, personal life stories. Dating should be fun, and first dates shouldn’t be all that serious — it’s a turn off to most people anyways.

Also, don’t feel bad for juggling multiple dates each week. Nobody has to know unless you feel like things are getting serious.

More Info on Lesbian Online Dating

Online dating can be difficult but only if you go at it alone and rush into it. Chances are you have plenty more questions about lesbian online dating sites. On our blog, we try to provide many different perspectives and scenarios to prepare you for what’s out there.