Session 15 - Seeing the World through the Eyes of Another

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Our whole problem is that we don't understand one another. Spouses often complain to the other spouse about being misunderstood. It's true that we don't understand our spouses, and this is because we haven't received the right education for it; we were never taught how to lead a family life.

As a male youth, for instance, I wasn't taught what it means to be a woman. Does she also have needs? Does she have a character? How is her outlook on life different from that of a man? It's a completely opposite world; a world of its own. Do I understand her? Do I want to understand her? Am I considerate of her? Am I even capable of being considerate?

Because boys don't receive any internal patterns for understanding women—how they think, how they look on life—they can't be considerate toward them, as they are toward men. They really don't understand them. The meetings between men and women are collisions; they try to live next to each other but they can't really understand one another and truly mingle with one another, and this is a big flaw in our education. We can witness it in the divorce statistics and the number of people who avoid marrying altogether.

The same problem exists in raising children. We don't know how to relate to them. We see how parents treat children, with what cruelty, at times. They don't understand them. I, too, felt how over 20 or 30 years I was just living next to my children, without understanding them. A father is an educator, a designer. He really builds the child to continue in life. I couldn't do it; I received no sense of the understanding of it. Such things as these have to be taught.

We have been evolving by chance for tens of thousands of years. That is, we didn't do anything about our evolution. Psychology, the science of human nature, man's inner world, has been around only a hundred years or so. Before that, it didn't cross our minds to learn or do something with respect to evolving. We evolved just like all the animals—by chance. It is only now that we have come to a situation where we have no other choice but to study man, society, the environment, how to design man, and what to do with our lives.

When talking about life outside the body, we don't mean to refer to anything mystical at all, but instead we are talking about the values, attitudes, and outlooks we receive from others, outside of us. I can see the world through my own eyes, and that's why I can understand you on some level. This is what we need to know and learn, how to see the world as the other sees it.

It's very hard for men to perceive the world through the eyes of a woman, but we are still a family and we have to lead a family life, or else what? Will we disappear like the dinosaurs? We must prepare the children, and we must teach them to understand the psychology of the other sex, and not just how to live, but how to enjoy life. Through this mingling together, we acquire yet another half of the world. This is how we are actually built, and this is called "life outside the body," when I acquire an addition outside my own body.

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Topic

As children, we never received an education and understanding of what "wife," "husband," and "children" are, and how we are to raise a "family." Therefore, it is no wonder that as we mature it is difficult for us to maintain the nuclear family and to understand each other.

Main Points

For tens of thousands of years, humanity developed as an animal species unintentionally.

To the degree that we understand the psychology of the other sex, we are integrated and acquire an additional half of the world, and we know how to enjoy life.

"It appears that the benefit of earning a good name outweighs the costs of doing your part for the greater good, and even selfish people can be motivated to care. It is worth contributing in order to protect your standing in the community."

"All present and future humans can be healthy, have their basic needs met, have fair and equitable access to the earth's resources, have a decent quality of life and preserve the biologically diverse ecosystems on which we all depend."

Engage Yourself

Question 1: According to the text of the lesson, how can we solve the crisis in the nuclear family?

1. Only by means of education, and learning about the components and the demands of the components of the nuclear family (wife, husband, children).

2. To nullify my desires and relate only to the desires of my spouse.

3. The family crisis will pass on its own like every other crisis, and there is no need to change anything.

4. The family structure is not appropriate to the present modern reality and therefore, its end will be to disappear in the course of evolutionary development of the human species.

Question 2: What is the advantage in understanding the psychology of the other sex in marital relations?

1. We enjoy a clear system of relationships, fun and robust.

2. By understanding the other sex we acquire an additional half of the world that without this understanding is unattainable.

3. We merit to enjoy life.

4. All the answers are correct.

Question 3: Following is an excerpted quotation, from a news story on the subject: “Divorce Hotel in Holland: Separation in One Weekend”

“Here in the Netherlands, couples can experience a different kind of weekend hotel break, more accurately, a weekend's break-up. For a fixed fee they can meet a mediator like Anne Marie in the comfort of a smart hotel, where all the legal divorce documents are prepared in a weekend.

It's the brain child of this man, Jim Halfens, a Dutch entrepreneur. He uses several lawyers and mediators to iron out issues over alimony, visitation rights, and the division of assets. Couples are "checked out," before checking in. They have to be on speaking terms.

Said Halfens, "When they leave the hotel, all the work is done. The only thing that happens then is that we offer the divorce agreements to the judge in the Netherlands, and it takes a couple of weeks, but they don't have anything else to do."

The legal fast track uses several different high-end hotels around the Netherlands. ... The "Divorce Hotel" could soon be expanding into America and Germany. A cheap and speedy legal solution, perhaps appropriate for these times of austerity."

a. What is the feeling that is aroused in you after reading this excerpt?

b. Assuming that the environment affects and shapes the person, what would happen if that couple were to begin to pass through a joint workshop of awareness of human nature, and the change in consciousness that is required in order to succeed in a relationship? Would this couple continue to see its problems as not given in order to be bridged, or would they pass through a particular change in comprehending the other sex?

c. Would you recommend entry into a hotel with this type of workshop, which would bring greater understanding of the other sex and perhaps prevent divorce at the last moment? Or at least, would you want to give couples the tools for creating a more stable relationship in the next step in their lives? What is your opinion?

d. In your opinion, what class would be appropriate to introduce into elementary schools, high schools, the framework of the military, and into universities, so that the children, the youth, and the young adults can build stable and healthy relationships in the future? What would you call this class and what content would you recommend to be learned within it?