Monday, September 27 & Tuesday, September 28

About this site:In 1993, I spent the year writing in a blank datebook from 1954. Now, in 2010, I'm posting each page on the web and writing about it. You may want to start at the beginning.

Monday
I don't know why, but I didn't immediately set up long distance on my dorm phone. After more than a week not talking to Melissa, though, I suddenly this day felt I had to talk with her immediately. I got long distance hooked up and called her right away. I was nearly in tears when we finally spoke, and we talked for an hour and a half straight.

Tuesday
The drawing here is one I'm really proud of. It's both a devil and flames, meant to evoke the Hell's bargain Faust enters to achieve genius.

Someone pulled the fire alarm in my dorm, so rather than sit around outside I decided to walk over to Neesham's dorm and hang out with her for awhile. She and her roommate and I talked for hours, and I ended up staying the night.

I don't remember if it was this night or another one, but I remember having an argument with Neesham over whether you could have sex with someone without becoming emotionally attached. I argued that you could -- and I might have sort of believed it, but mostly I just really wanted to have sex with her. As much as I loved Melissa, she was insistent on maintaining her virginity, and I was one horny motherfucker by this point. Neesham never bought that one could have sex with someone while remaining committed to someone else, so we never did it, but I do have vague memories of making out with her in the middle of the night in her bed -- I may have initiated it while I was asleep, I'm not sure. I might even have just dreamed it, but I don't think I did.

My floormates were mightily impressed that I didn't come home that night, that's for sure.

I feel like I should mention that while I was definitely conscious of the fact that I was essentially cheating on the girl I loved, I had rationalized it by convincing myself that as long as I didn't give my heart to another, it wasn't entirely cheating. I think that belief was at the root of my side of the argument with Neesham. I needed to convince myself of it as much as I was trying to convince her.