The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Last Safe Place Fire”

Turns out the person sending the signal from Mount Fraught while cooking lox. But the massive amount of smoke is making Count Olaf freak out because that could act like a great big sign giving his and his crew’s location. And he doesn’t want anyone to know where he is after starting that fire at the Caligari Carnival. Since nobody understands Sunny and she plays dumb when the two mysterious figures try questioning her. So Olaf and the two menacing characters discuss their plans right in front of her (though Olaf is somehow skeptical since he knows her since he dispatches her to clear away all the crumbs in his car). Now the new plan is to find the “last safe place” and burn it down. Luckily, when Sunny sees the green smoke coming from the bottom of the mountain, she knows exactly who’s sending it.

The song I went with is Earth, Wind, and Fire’s “Serpentine Fire.” Because why not put another fire song in it? I mean the series has quite a few fires happen. In the original version, vocalist Philip Bailey commented that the “serpentine fire” metaphor: “Maurice [White] at that point in time in our career was studying a lot of metaphysics and a lot of Eastern philosophy, and the ‘Serpentine Fire’ – I’m not an expert on that whole thing, because I had to ask him myself [to explain] – but it’s actually the sex drive – or sexual impulse.” In this version, I have Count Olaf discussing his plan to burn the “last safe place.”

“Last Safe Place Fire”

Sung by Count Olaf

All this green smoke at the mountain camp makes me want to freak
It’s advertises where we are so that anyone can climb to see
We have a new scheme, of which you’d be amazed
We must locate, where volunteers go as the last safe place
And once they gather around, we can light all our matches to conflagrate

Got a whole new scheme for burning glory setting the last safe place on fire
Got a whole new scheme for burning glory setting the last safe place on fire

Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah, oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Can we just not say the location name in front of the baby
She may be helpless but she’s nowhere dumb as she may seem
Now, Sunny, get off you ass and clean my car
Pick up all the crumbs, I know you play dumb but don’t stray far (or you’re dead)

Got a whole new scheme for burning glory setting the last safe place on fire
Surely as flames consume, we’ll toast to doom setting the last safe place on fire

Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah, oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Surely as flames consume, we’ll toast to doom setting the last safe place on fire
Surely as flames consume, we’ll toast to doom setting the last safe place on fire
Got a whole new scheme for burning glory setting the last safe place on fire