We communicate primarily through body language. It speaks sometimes before we have a chance to say a word. Research shows that 55 percent of our message is conveyed by our body (facial expressions, gestures, posture), 38 percent through our tone of voice, and only 7 percent via our verbal message. Intentional or not, our body language can reveal incongruence between our thoughts and our words; it can even uncover hidden agendas, and, perhaps, lies.

There are many ways in which our body language can betray our true thoughts or give our listeners false impressions. For example, in conversation, when we shift our eyes back and forth, failing to make eye contact, we may seem untrustworthy or dishonest. Especially in the United States, the avoidance of eye contact may indicate that the person is not being straightforward. If you wish to establish a favorable impression, focus your eyes on the “safety zone” of the other person’s face, the small triangle located in between the eyebrows and nose. But remember, cultural differences and exceptions may apply. In some countries, for example, Russia and China, people interpret direct eye contact as a sign of arrogance or disrespect.

Video courtesy of GCFLearnFree.org

In introductions, remember to respect the personal space of people around you. Never lean into their space by standing too close; this can make them feel uncomfortable. Don’t stand too far away either, as you’ll look awkward when you are ready to shake hands. Our voice quality accounts for a significant part of the first impression, and so we must pay close attention to our pitch, speed, volume, and tone. A high pitch might reveal that we are nervous and overwhelmed, and a very low pitch might indicate that we are angry, unhappy, or cranky. Working on your voice quality and verbal delivery is very important and cannot be overstated. If you have an edgy, loud, squeaky, or robotic voice, you may want to work on it with a voice coach. Try recording yourself while engaged in conversation and see how you sound—you might be surprised! Finally, your words do count. The art of skillful conversation involves knowing what to say and how to advance, or end, any discussion. People who talk too much are considered self-absorbed, narcissistic, and boring. You won’t get anywhere in business or social circles if you don’t pay attention to what you say and how you say it!