Going public with my story, I was acutely aware that I unconsciously gave people permission to ask about what lied or did not lie in between my legs. I gave the world an opportunity to ask after the most personal things in my life. I think this is what any person revealing themselves publicly as trans inherently does whether they like it or not: they sacrifice their anonymity and privacy to hopefully increase visibility and awareness.

On Monday night, I set my DVR, told my boyfriend Aaron to keep quiet, and stayed up past my bedtime to only be dumbfounded by the interview, where Lemon asked Bono some pretty inane questions. The CNN achor, who was leading the conversation in Behar’s absence, seemed to have unknowingy communicated his own insensitivity to trans folks’ struggle when he asked Bono the most insensitive of his slew of questions:

I have to ask you this: I look at you, I see you on television, you’re a dude now, you have facial hair and everything to go along with it. I mean do you like that? Is it cool?

Asking Bono, who has bravely transitioned under the media’s glare, therefore helping bring the trans conversation to the masses, about his facial hair (a prideful marker of his masculinity and manhood), is as offensive as a reporter being astonished by Lemon’s own masculinity as a newly out gay man. Or even as offensive as a non-Black reporter being astonished by Lemon’s articulateness during an interview.

“Is that something that you have to get used to though?” Lemon pressed. “Do you have to get used to shaving cause you didn’t have to shave before – and all of a sudden you’re a grown man and you have to shave?”

Then it just got worse…

“Even I do, as a gay man, I have trouble, sometimes when I talk about you…I get the hes and the shes mixed up. Is that a big deal for people who are in transition?”

I caught myself yelling “WTF?” at the screen more than thrice in a matter of minutes. I had regretted subjecting myself to this. I then took my frustration to Twitter: “These questions @donlemoncnn are [asking] @Chazbono are symbolic of how #trans people are often seen as oddities – even by LGB people.”

Lemon’s questions, which could have been attributed to the show’s producers, reminded me of something Jennifer Aniston eloquently said in Vanity Fair in 2005 about Brad Pitt when he began globetrotting with Angelina Jolie and her son Maddox just weeks after announcing the end of their marriage: “There is a sensitivity chip that’s missing.”

And that’s what I felt when I watched Lemon, who may have been in over his head with four compelling subjects and not enough time to actually target questions beyond Bono’s facial hair, new shaving regimen, his relationship with Cher and other “Trans 101” issues as Bono so eloquently pointed out.

“I thought we were here to talk about trans people in Hollywood,” Bono said after Lemon introduced Cox, King and Santana to the panel. “We’ve got three unbelievably talented women up there and we’re talking about transgender 101 here.”

“Not everyone is as informed as the people on this panel,” Lemon said in response. But that wasn’t the issue in my opinion. It’s not about the American people; it’s about preparation, sensitivity and a proper, fuller, vibrant portrait of what it means to be trans. You can’t have four dynamic trans figures on your panel and not fully tell their varying stories and journeys.

And by putting Lemon at the helm, producers may have made a glaring assumption: Just because Don Lemon is an African-American gay man does not mean he has the tools, sensitivity and objectivity to wholly report on the trans community without his own inherent transphobia and male/socioeconomic privilege getting in the way.

I don’t know Lemon or the producers of the show, but I do know as a journalist you must check your own privileges, bias and perspective at the door. And when you don’t do your homework, you end up with a lackluster story, and that was what Monday night’s segment on being “Transgender in America” (that was The Joy Behar Show‘s producers tagline) was in my opinion. I applaud HLN and Lemon for this groundbreaking trans panel, but we as journalists have to do better.

And I wasn’t the only trans person upset about Lemon’s line of questioning. Jenn Burleton, executive director of TransActive Education and Advocacy, a Portland-based non-profit which supports trans youth, Tweeted of the interview: “Don L. interview w/ Chaz B. What a bunch of stupid, exploitative, leering, stereotyping questions. He may be gay, but he doesn’t get it.”

And that’s the bigger issue here: Lemon symbolizes many of our gay brothers and lesbian sisters, who just don’t get us trans people. We inherently shake their own notions of what it means to be a man and a woman in our society to their core. Until we are able to actually be open to the gender-variancy that is in nature, naturally, we’ll never be able to move forward and not only demand gay and lesbian rights, but transgender rights; civil human rights.

As a journalist, I’ll identify the gaping holes in the producers’s and Lemon’s line of questioning. There were many issues that I, as a journalist, would have had Lemon ask this “inspiring transgender panel”:

To Laverne Cox, who is a busy actress and produces television shows which she hopes “changes the hearts and minds of the general public around transgender issues”: How have you gone about seeking and creating roles for yourself in Hollywood? How have you funded projects about transgender people?

To America’s Next Top Model Isis King, who’s returning to the 17th cycle of ANTM in September: How does it feel to return to the show that helped bring a transgender woman into African-American homes? I hear you were once homeless, how have you been able to persevere past your circumstance?

To Chaz Bono, who has three Emmy nominations for his documentary: Instead of “When were you defined as a man?” Lemon could’ve asked, How does it feel, after years of searching and struggling, to finally be who you are fully? And how does it feel to have three Emmy nominations? How are you using your celebrity to continue this conversation?

To Harmony Santana, who revealed that she’s living in the Green Chimneys homeless shelter while being a star of a lauded film: What do you want to say to inspire LGBT kids who have dreams but no homes?

Instead when Santana revealed her plight of not having a home, Lemon said, “Interesting.” He should have said, I find it interesting that you have this inspirational story of starring in a film but no home of your own and that you represent the 40 percent of homeless youth who identify as LGBT.

That’s how we teach and pull at the heart strings of America, by using someone’s story to shed light on the plight of what it means to be different, to be oppressed, to live in a world that doesn’t quite understand you. Our jobs as journalists and writers and editors and news reporters and anchors is to shed light on how we are failing young people like Santana.

When it seemed the door in the conversation had opened to shed light on trans people’s struggles, Lemon would say, “We’re going to have an in-depth conversation…” about this or that and segue to another topic about Bono’s transition, which seemed to irritate me and the famous interview subject.

“I was a little frustrated on the Joy Behar show last night,” Bono Tweeted of the interview, where it appeared that he was the bad guy for calling out Lemon’s inane line of questions. “I was told we’d talk about trans people in entertainment industry. But such is life.”

We can’t continue having the same conversations about trans people with a revolving door of new trans figures. We are not entertainment and our stories aren’t just for mere consumption. We must ask the hard questions beyond surgery and facial hair and ask how are they really doing now that they are in the bodies of their destinies? How are they navigating in the world?

We need to see trans men and women as just that – men and women who want and desire and love and seek and thrive and yes, fall. And when they fall we must ask ourselves if we care. Do you care? And how are we failing them?

“When they see us on television and see us in films, it makes a difference,” Cox said during the interview. But seeing and hearing us is essential to actually making a difference. America needs to hear our stories and feel our plight.

Why wasn’t the fact that two trans women of color on the panel (King and Santana) have been homeless explored in this conversation? As a woman of color, I was shocked that Lemon, an African-American man, didn’t use the show as a teaching moment, to shed light on the fact that 40 percent of homeless youth identify as LGBT.

The trans portrait Lemon and the producers of The Joy Behar Show presented wasn’t even a sketch. It was a mere doodle as to what it means to be an oppressed group that apparently has no place in – or out – of the LGB community.

So where is our place? There’s a question that’s better than “do you have to get used to shaving” your stubble.

24 Comments

Hello, Janet. I was just over at transgriot and I had no idea that it was not only your birthday…but that you are also editor of people.com as well. Imagine that!!!??? Yes, I, too, am also a black transwoman who took exception to some of the line of Lemon’s questioning as well. I am proud to be out, trans and a woman!!!!!!! I am happy with who and what I am and wished I had known when this program was airing. I would have sure loved to have been a part of it. I am so very glad more of us are telling our stories and would love and hope to someday share my story so I may an inspiration to others also. Keep ’em coming, girl!!!! You are truly, indeed, beautiful!!!!! Thank you for this!!!

Why I found this article interesting is because while you expressed your anger and frustration towards Mr. Lemon and the network, you also OFFERED AN ALTERNATIVE. That is so refreshing to me and in fact the questions you posed were much more thoughtful and interesting than the original piece. While I understand that some level of “Transgender 101” may have been necessary, I wish you had done this interview instead!

Hello Janet. I am a Gay African American Man and I enjoyed the post immensely

. I totally agree with you that the insensitivity in our community regarding Trans people today is an absolute shame. It amazes me how we as a people can so easily put people inthe “OTHER” category when we ourselves are not far from being in it as well.

I also agree with you that if you are going to interview someone,not only should you be at least up on current events regarding the topic, but also have enough respect for your guests to not make stupid statements or ask very intrusive questions during the interview.

I was not familiar with Harmony and when my friend called my attention to not only the movie, but the fact that she was living in a homeless shelter, my heart broke. When will we learn to embrace each other, accept each other and unite with each other to fight against stereotyping & categorizing. I plan to see the movie and wish Harmony the best of the best.

GREAT POST, JANET!! The ONLY thing I think I could add is this; I believe Don Lemon (and yes, he’s a real “clunker” of a car, LOL) has MORE than “a sensitivity chip” missing…he has THREE ‘chips’ missing; sensitivity, INTELLIGENCE, and tact missing. Count’em, THREE!

People tend to forget that CNN isn’t about news, it isn’t about fair, it isn’t about properly disseminating both sides of an issue. CNN is about ratings, shock value, and who can yell the loudest. Awkwardness is not so much a faux pas as it is a goal, something to be applauded when attained, something that garners off-camera pats on the back.

It’s sad really, that there isn’t really any good source for unbiased and fact based-news anymore. Of course nothing really happens anyhow so do we really miss it?

Janet, I agree with you. One of my major disappointments and shocks after I transitioned was how uninformed the gay-lesbian community is about transgender people and our issues.

I have also experienced major transphobia when trying to date anyone from the lesbian community, even thought I’ve been legally and anatomically female for years and years.

I never expected any of this. I assumed they would be knowledgeable, supportive, and understanding. None of that has been my experience.

I was involved with a local GLBT center for awhile. The director asked me why so few transgender people joined the activities and the events at the Center. I unloaded on him about the experiences most trans people have had with the gay-lesbian community. It is so obvious that very few believe that, or even think about, the T in GLBT. It’s just an initial tacked on out of habit.

See Don Lemon and his cluelessness about the transgender experience as an opportunity. If Don Lemon continues to not get it, it provides us opportunities to correct his misinformation and spotlight the tone-deafness to the transgender experience. And if, after a while, he starts to ‘get it’, we can develop a gay ally who has sufficient Q to be on a major news network.

This is a great piece, Janet. You are a shining light in the trans community. But I think Rebecca’s comment is a vital complement to the sentiments you express. It’s not just that journalists and broadcasters so often do not prepare for interviews or programmes involving trans people, they invariably are totally blind to any need to do so. Their only awareness of trans is likely to be the constantly recycled drinking game middle-aged stereotype or the visible drag queen. They imagine they already know it all and we in our turn tend to be so consumed by our own trans experience that we fail to consider this possibility.

I think actually Don Lemon had a point when he said: ‘“Not everyone is as informed as the people on this panel.” It’s surely fair enough for an interviewer to request help from trans interviewees in unpacking his or her preconceptions about trans. Perhaps trans interviewees need to develop greater skill in turning questions on the interviewer in a non-agressive way. There is an issue with the trappings of gender … like shaving … needing to be learned and become familiarised. A boy must learn to shave. Clearly Don saw this as a way of empathising with the trans condition. This could have ben turned into an opportunity to explain the nature of core feelings about gender identity or body sex and how these should never be solely defined by the physical and social awkwardness of transition. Perhaps trans interviewees just need to get smarter.

Two points are absolutely clear from my own experience with broadcasters and journalists: …
– We should never underestimate the depth of their ignorance on trans issues or their obliviousness to the need to acquire any knowledge of the same.
– Venting our own surprise and anger at this ignorance on the individuals concerned only compounds their bafflement and alienates them.

I’m never surprised by the depth of trauma and the frustration experienced by trans folks. It takes an effort but I’m convinced that infinite patience and positive initiative are the only ways to make progress. We need to frame the stories, to demonstrate to the media how infinitely more interesting it is to unpack their own preconceptions about gender than simply to recycle the same tired stereotypes about trans people. That’s what you are doing, Janet, by living your life so visibly … and so are Chaz, Harmony and Isis. I would not be too discouraged by the path Don Lemon’s interview took. I doubt anything he could have done would have concealed the fact that every member of that panel was a formidable, admirable and dignified individual.

Hear, Hear, Janet. I was previously on Joy’s show with Laverne — I was remote; she was in-studio, and some psychologist guy in-studio who was not informed of trans issues was the DMS-dude, I’ll call him. The question is, let’s figure out how to make this different more of the time. We don’t always get misunderstood. But this will not be Exhibit A on “how we won America and the world” evidence list. Let’s figure this out and do it. Diego

Granted, I probably would have replaced the “dl” with “ki” (and then replaced the resultant word with a non-television-friendly synonym) but I’m not going to quibble with your wonderful analysis of what I would envision a cable news channel to be if it was run by HRC.

As chair of Trans Media Watch, an organisation that campaigns for better representation of trans people in the UK media, I’m pleased to see the US conversation developing in this way. We would be happy to assist any group of people getting together to try and challenge the US media in relation to these issues. Please see our website for an overview of what we do, and contact us if you’re interested in making something happen. We can also help US activists get in touch with one another.

I have experienced more discrimination, insensitivity and idiocy from the glb community than I have from the entire str8 world over the past 30 years. The lgb’s (for the most part) are far more clueless about the trans experience than the population at large. I LIVE with two conservative, str8, cisgender men that show me more respect and really “get it”.

I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said here, but I’d add that Don Lemon or at least CNN are at least making an effort to cover trans people and issues, which is more than can be said for our supposedly progressive friends over at MSNBC, who not only don’t cover us but actively erase us from relevant stories.

What was most obvious to me watching this panel is that Don Lemon did little or no prep on the topic before hosting the panel. It seemed to me that someone simply handed him a list of questions, probably written by equally uninformed show producers, and just said “Go”.

I’d caution trans folks against an angry and aggressive response here. What’s really called for is an effort at education, to say to these people “Thanks for covering us, but here’s how to do it right…”. If all we offer is condemnation for not getting it right the first time due to ignorance, we’re making it less likely that we’ll see this kind of feature again.

I categorically disagree that sensationalizing and othering media representation like this segment unfortunately turned out to be is better than no representation at all. We do NOT need to be patient with the mainstream media about their lack of education on the topic of our lives. There is nothing stopping them from educating themselves beforehand, doing all the 101 basics on their own. Nothing except the privilege of not having to know anything and choosing only the most tabloid facts to focus upon.

Anger and condemnation of the tone this interview took IS an appropriate response. It can also be an educational one, should those in power choose to actually listen to the voices of transfolk of color in the media,.

The time to say ” let’s just be be patient and give oppressive institutions time to catch up ” is long LONG over.

It is time to speak up for ourselves. Support ourselves. Represent ourselves. And yes, DEFEND ourselves.

I am not saying we should be patient or not aggressive, but I am saying we should tread carefully here and seek to educate before we seek to condemn. The reality is that this kind of panel is still a rarity, and if we want to see more of them we should make an effort to criticize constructively.

I had a conversation with Don Lemon just after the NAACP event about this topic on Twitter and he seemed receptive, though what we saw during that panel indicates to me that he still has a lot to learn. I think that’s the biggest problem here. Journalists like Lemon think that being gay gives them some kind of special insight into being trans. We need to teach these folks that that’s like saying that being Hispanic gives one a special insight into what it is to be African-American or Chinese. Sure there are similarities and overlap, but anyone who think the those experiences are close enough to be able to consider a member of one group an expert on the other is in serious need of a reality check.

That’s why I say we have to take the education route first. There will be time enough down the road for anger and attack (I’ve been no slouch for calling MSNBC out for its own problems in their LGBT coverage), but first we have to at least make the effort to educate. Otherwise, we run the very real risk of having the powers the be at CNN and the other cable networks of deciding that it just isn’t worth the effort to cover us or our issues at all, and that would help no one, least of all us.

I agree with your take on Lemon, and I think it deconstructs further the common assumption that the LGBTQ population is a collaborative, and self-educated community.

I would challenge your first assumption that “[you] gave people permission to ask about what lied or did not lie in between [your] legs” by coming out, and that those who come out “sacrifice their anonymity and privacy to increase visibility and awareness.” I think that despite egregious violations of trans peoples’ privacy being commonplace, those violations are the result of an oppressive culture which polices gender and bodies as part of its normative structure. Those violations are not the fault of the trans person upon coming out, they should not be the forgone conclusion of coming out, and they have nothing to do with permission.

Your analysis is on target here….I had such high hopes….. After all we were hearing from three young women of color when often the only voices have been middle aged, and white…. I have such respect for the panel. Intellect, grace, beauty, confidence….on display on HLN I hope we hear more from all four of these compelling people.

What he (and so many LGB) people don’t seem to get is that constantly focusing on the transition process is the equivalent of straight people asking “but what do you do in bed?”
It’s salacious, reductionist and a great way to avoid talking about anything of substance.

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