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May 07, 2010

Our back deck needs to be repainted. The white siding on our house severly needs a wash. It required renting a power washer. This is something well within my grasp, right?

First clue was when I couldn't even lift the thing into the van. It wasn't until after the saleman lifted it for me that I considered how I would get it out at home - don't know! After wrestling with the awkward thing for a while in the back of the van once home (If this van's a rockin' come help me!), I levered it up over the edge and managed to set it on the ground without breaking it or my foot.

Then there were all the hoses and connections. The garden hose to the power washer. Turn it on. The hose coupling is cracked and is spraying all over. Switch hoses. Attach sprayer gun, attach nozzle to the sprayer gun. Attach sprayer gun hose to the motor. Turn on the water. Squeeze the handle to the get the air out of the hoses.

OK, now to turn the compressor motor on. Turn the on/off switch to "on". Open the fuel line by pushing the lever to the right. Open up the choke by pushing that lever, which is immediately next to the fuel lever, to the left. (See, opposite directions. That's not confusing AT ALL.) Pull on the cord (like a lawnmower) and yank your hands off the ends of your arms because you're yanking so hard over and over and over again.

(I wanted the picture from SIMAM where he pretends he cut off his hand in shop class, but this is as close as I could get.)

Play with the choke, 1/4 way, 1/2 way, 3/4 way, off, on. Let it rest, maybe I flooded it. Turn off the water...............(check email)................. Start the process over again. Check the spark plug, the gas, the oil. Try again.

At the end of this my wrists were killing me and I felt like a failure. What kind of weak woman am I that I can't get a simple compressor motor started? Ridiculously enough I cried. (I felt as stupid as Danielle was last night on Survivor, why was I crying?!) With so many things in life out of my control surely I could accomplish this simple home maintenance task, couldn't I?! In my desperation I sent an email to DH that said, "I feel impotent and stupid."

He immediately emailed back, "It's lunchtime, I'll come home."

By the time he got here I had pulled myself together. I showed him all the levers and buttons, warned him that he could get wet and he took a turn yanking on the compressor cord. My DH is a big guy, played football, and has started many a lawnmower - he couldn't get it started either.

My dignity was partially restored. DH put it back in the van and I returned it and got a refund.

Afterwards it was lunchtime and I wanted to reward myself for trying since I didn't have the actual reward of a job well done. Baby and I went to Five Guys, a burger and a Coke sounded wonderful. With my spirits picking up I placed our order and the cashier said, "Your number is double zero." NOW THAT IS FUNNY! My official status as a looser was confirmed through random number generation. I took my double zero self, cute daughter, burger, fries and Coke home, where we sat on the patio in the sun enjoying ourselves while staring at the dirty, paint-chipped deck.

April 28, 2010

This is my article from the Co-op newsletter, thought you might like it.

Spring has announced its arrival with an early heat wave and bountiful blossoms hanging heavy from the trees. For those of us interested in eating local natural foods, spring brings the promise of the best our area has to offer. The early warm weather has us yearning for deep salads, colorful stir-fries, and bowls of berries. In this issue of the Food Co-op newsletter we’re making the best of spring. If you’re like me and can’t wait for the summer harvest there are other ways to have great produce right now.

Be your own local producer - grow your own sprouts! It doesn’t take special equipment, any soil, or a degree in bioengineering!

Seeds sold for sprouting are dry and dormant. Soak the seeds for several hours to trigger an end to this dormancy. Rinse the seeds in a fine colander or sieve, and remove any debris or pebbles from the seeds. Drain the seeds thoroughly, and spread them into a sterile jar [washed in a dishwasher or hand washed and boiled in water] covered with cheesecloth or a commercial sprouter, which may resemble a series of stacked trays.
Keep the sprouting unit in a cool place with good air circulation. Placing the sprouts in a pantry invites mold. Rinse and drain the sprouting seeds daily. In one to four days, depending on the variety, the sprouts are ready to harvest. Place them in a salad spinner to remove excess moisture, and store them in the refrigerator. Enjoy fresh sprouts within three days of harvest for best quality.

There are several great websites to take you through the process step by step:

Another way to enjoy veggies before their traditional arrival date is hydroponics. There are several producers for the Co-op that have hydroponic offerings. Don’t be leery of this new-fangled method of growing vegetables. While it is new, this method is based on the best the earth has to offer.
I first remember hearing about hydroponic vegetables being grown on the space shuttle. In hydroponics plants are grown in a minerally enriched water solution. They are a great choice for those who are mindful of their impact on the earth.

Because hydroponics don’t use soil, there are no worries about damaging it. When hydroponic plants grow they are sheltered from the dangers that traditional plants are susceptible to. So they are not treated with pesticides and chemicals that leave a residue. Interestingly enough, hydroponic growing uses less water than traditional methods because the water is recirculated.

Yesterday was a runaway train day in two ways. We ran away, the kids and I. Not far, just to Ikea. But far enough that we were out of the house and everyone smiled at least once (it may have been the ice cream cones).

It was also a runaway train day because everyone got on board and before I knew it we were on an adventure. All I said was, "We're going to Ikea!" There were showers and breakfast and coats, a stop at the ATM to get money for the toll-road and off we went-down the road that feels a bit like prison (only three off-ramps between here and Philly and you have to pay to get off). I missed our exit, turned around and got back on track with little hassle, considering that we were driving in Philly.

It was a usual Ikea trip, sitting in fake rooms (Baby kept trying to turn on the fake TVs), finding nifty things we never knew we needed, and plenty of indecision. We're almost done with Rachel's room re-do but she needed a lamp. My girls don't make decisions quickly, it might have something to do with their mother who has to point out every pro and con. Eventually we got out, accompanied by two lamps, a poster frame, lightbulbs, a grocery bag keep, and innumerable stuffed things (puppets, animals, pillows, and us - we had lunch and ice cream).

It was success because we got out of there before rush hour. That was my biggest fear about the trip because we had an appointment with the missionaries at 7. Back on that prison road things were sailing along very smoothly, considering all the snow we've gotten, when traffic slowed and eventually stopped. Pulled forward a little, then STOPPED. stopped. not one inch of movement. stopped for 45 minutes. My sanity was saved by peanut butter popcorn, the van DVD player, MP3 player & nintendo for the teenager, and Scrabble on my Iphone.

Let me give you a tip: NEVER get on a toll road without at least a half tank of gas. For some blessed reason I had filled up my tank, but several others had not. I passed a poor woman in a mini-van full of kids, pulled over on the side of the road with hood up and hazard lights blinking- waiting. I mentally inventoried our food to see if there was anything I could give her but by that time the kids had scarfed down most of what we had. There before the grace of God go I.

During this whole adventure I could not get DH on the phone. By 5:30 when we pulled up to the house I was genuinely concerned. His car was parked in the driveway and he was in bed, sick. Sick with the stuff the rest of the family previously had. Well, everyone else "had" it, I still carried tissues in my pocket. Which I used with increasing frequency the longer the day went on.

After a few minutes of freakout and breakdown the kids ate leftover lasagna, I tidied the living room and pried DH out of bed. (I was not nice to DH - while I had the same sickness I took care of 4 sick kids.) The missionaries asked that I pick up someone they're teaching so I went out to the barely plowed inner-city streets to find her.

As I trudged to the car I reminded myself that service is a sacrifice, it never comes at a convenient time. Usually the more inconvenient the better the experience... so I told myself.

Back at our home with the missionaries, the young woman, DH and I (with kleenex box at my feet because my nose was running like a river), we sat down to talk about the gospel.

It was a good experience. The things I have dealt with in my life are similar to hers, and because of that, what I said was what she needed to hear - even though I knew nothing about her. I'm hopeful that the gospel, the church, could give her an understanding of life and a support structure to improve her life, if she wants it.

It's like a runaway train though, once you get on, it could take you anywhere.

February 10, 2010

These pics were taken at 1 pm, I'll post more later because it's still snowing!

School is cancelled today, probably tomorrow too.

DH and the neighbor shoveling for the second time so far. Our neighbor was nice enough to help Paul because our driveway is so long.

Hidden in there somewhere is our BBQ grill!

Out the back door

The garden. I'll have to do an 'after' picture in 6 months :)

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It's 3:30 pm and these are the newest photos. It is still snowing heavily.

This is the time lapse shot for the BBQ grill pic above

My turn to snow shovel, I finished the driveway only to find almost 2 inches had fallen since I started shoveling so I shoveled more, then the snow plow went by. DH dug out the end of the driveway after that. The snow is very heavy and wet, I got soaked-

I was originally wearing a coat, I promise - I went back out to show how deep the snow is.

That's the neighbor's mailbox on the left (pic above). Can you see the huge mountain of snow behind that in the far distance? I think our neighbors are planning an awesome sledding hill or a snow cave.

By our measure we have at least two feet of snow, that includes the 5-7" from earlier in the week.

Everything was cancelled today, including DH's work (he tried to work from home but has now thrown in the towel) they declared a state of emergency in our area and asked everyone to stay home. Thankfully we're well stocked with food, have electricity, water and all we need. I hope the same goes for others in the storm. I heard that NJ is dealing with flooding and there are over 1000 people still without electricity from the previous storm 4 days ago.

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It's dark now, but I tried to take a few pics anyway. The wind is picking up so things will look a lot different in the morning. But the snow is trailing off so we're probably at peak measurablity. This will be my last update of the day.

BBQ grill shot again, but I messed up the time lapse because I walked around out there.

This is another shot of the garden, compare to earlier today. You can't even see the wood of the raised bed.

This is a heavy, wet, sticky snow. I tried to throw snowballs at the trees to relieve some of the weight from the branches, but the snow hung on. There is concern for roofs collapsing, a firehouse is already a casualty.

We're stir crazy. Which seems silly but several of us have been stuck in the house for a few days because of illness. And I think it's also the thought of being stuck for a few more days, you know how it goes, you only want out when someone tells you that you can't. School is cancelled tomorrow and the kids have a scheduled day off Friday and Monday, so they're happy about the time off but Mom and Dad are fearing for everyone's sanity. And we've only got two eggs left, but plenty o' PB&J.

January 29, 2010

"Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;But with joy wend your way.Though hard to you this journey may appear,Grace shall be as your day.’Tis better far for us to striveOur useless cares from us to drive;Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—All is well! All is well!"

I used to watch Oprah frequently. One of the things that I enjoyed about it was the feeling I got when the following scenario happened (As it did frequently. But this is only a re-enactment, not an actual conversation on the show.)

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Oprah: Today we'd like to welcome Leah, a 38 year old housewife from Arizona. Let's take a look at Leah's life

(They show a clip of Leah's lavish house, her 2.6 kids, tricked out SUV, and movie star gorgeous husband. The last shot is of Leah, perfectly attired and quaffed. She says, "I feel like I have it all, like this is what I've worked for all my life. But now that I'm here I'm just not happy." The clip ends with Leah peering into the sunset longingly from the deck of her swimming pool.)

Oprah: Leah, thank you for being on the show, we appreciate you sharing this painful secret with the world.

Leah: (with tears in her eyes) Thank you for having me. I want to be here so I can help other women just like me.

(Leah goes on to detail her life and explain that before she changed there was no joy, no excitement in her life.)

Oprah: Tell us about the change that happened in your life.

Leah: I decided that I wasn't taking care of me. My life was all about my family, and their interests. Since that time I've started a company that recruits women for high paying corporate boards, learned to ski, and I consult for a private home decorating firm. My life is going in the right direction, I am finally getting what I deserve, a life focused on myself.

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There are several reasons that this scene may have elicited warm fuzzies for me. First, it proved to me that even rich people aren't happy. It reinforced my preconceived notions about wealth and happiness (which isn't true). Second, it validated my own feelings of unease and lessened the burden of responsibility. Meaning that if this woman who seemingly had it all and did it all was unhappy then obviously the fact that I experienced sadness proved that it was because I wasn't doing enough for myself. Despite the initial warm fuzzies and the need to properly care for ourselves, I think these type of scenarios planted seeds of dissatisfaction and selfishness in my soul. It created a sense of entitlement.

My sister recently mentioned entitlement in a blog post . As children of God we are entitled to absolutely zip. That's right, our "deserving" anything from God is a falsehood.

"I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants ."Mosiah 2:21.

This scripture used to make me feel uncomfortable, like I wasn't of value, that at any moment God could dessimate me because I wasn't worth anything to him. But that isn't what this scripture is saying! We are of intense value to God, but it is not because we are profitable servants. We can't add one ounce to his possessions, he already owns it all! What God is after is our salvation and eternal life, not more in his bank account.

It is interesting to me that the scripture above is included in a sermon about service. King Benjamin wanted his people to serve, yet he told them that serving didn't profit God. Was he sending a mixed message? No, he was teaching us about the qualities of true service, and about the personality of God. God serves us constantly even though we don't profit him anything. If this is our example, what does that say about our service? That we shouldn't expect anything in return for service. No entitlements.

The answer to why we should serve goes beyond obedience and because people are in need. The answer is in this quote from David O. McKay, "Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others." (from this talk)

Service is the answer for unhappiness. (Please understand that I am not saying that service is the answer for clinical depression or other mental illnesses, that is a hugely different issue.)

Many years ago I became acquainted with a wealthy woman (wealthy by my standards). One day we got onto the topic of paying tithing, she said,"Getting paid more doesn't mean that paying tithing is any easier. It gets harder because that check is so large. You look at it and think, Wow, that could almost buy a car!" An attitude that what we sacrifice is too much, is sometimes mentally applied to the service we might perform for our fellow man.

I've wrongly thought that way very recently in regards to the responsibilities my husband and I have at church. It seemed overwhelming that so much is asked of both of us. How could we take care of everything in our lives and perform the duties necessary at church? When I asked it of myself, of my husband, and of God, I thought it was a rhetorical question. Turns out God gave me an answer. The answer is that I have too many useless cares. I have too much good and better but not enough best.

(Mother's Day 2007, pg with Baby, R, J, & A)

This morning the lines to the hymn at the beginning of this post came into my mind, "our useless cares from us to drive..." The service I perform is important, to some in desperate need it could even be called essential. My children and husband would say that my service in our home is essential. That is something worth caring about. What isn't so obvious is what isn't worth caring about, the useless cares. It is a waste of our precious energies to worry and care for useless things. Useless cares may be different for each individual- right now Oprah is on my list of useless cares, but she might not be one of yours.

A care that I thought was less important, but not exactly useless, was housework and maintaining a nice home (not overly lavish). I am realizing that it is important and effects my family. After I cleaned the kitchen and cleared everything off the kitchen table, J said, "Mom I like what you did with the table." A little clue that I hadn't been creating the right environment in my home. Today I mopped the floor (hooray me!). At the end of each day that I make an effort towards keeping a nice home I feel good. I'm not saying that this is something you need to care about (just like you're not going to tell me to care about Oprah), but for me, and where I'm at in my progression, it is something that God wants me to care about.

We have to trust God enough to let him lead us in a direction that roots the useless cares out of our lives, choosing the path of selfless service. To me that is what the hymn means when it says, "No toil nor labor fear." Choosing service usually involves a period of stress where we renegotiate our priorities and find useless cares to eliminate.Through this process we will not become profitable servants to God, but we will find greater happiness, please God, and have the side benefit of aiding those in need.

January 19, 2010

"That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of

our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance

-that is essential."

This quote has been swirling around in my brain with other things,
one of which is the YW lesson I've prepared for my stake assignment. It is about
repentance, one of the quotes I found is about the difference between sin and a
mistake:

"For most of us, most of the time, the choice between good
and bad is easy. What usually causes us difficulty is determining which uses of
our time and influence are merely good, or better, or best. Applying that fact
to the question of sins and mistakes, I would say that a deliberately wrong
choice in the contest between what is clearly good and what is clearly bad is a
sin, but a poor choice among things that are good, better, and best is merely a
mistake." (Dallin H. Oaks, "Sins and Mistakes," Ensign, Oct 1996,
62)

I spend too much time dithering over what could
possibly be a mistake, giving it as much mental weight as if I were deliberating
over a sin. If I really don't know what to do, then I should choose an option,
succeed or fail according to that choice (which could result in a mistake, not a
sin). If I make a mistake I learn from it and move on, better prepared to make a
better decision the next time.

I think this is what the Lord is talking about
when he says to 'apply our hearts to understanding' - learning and becoming wise
through the process of making mistakes. While our mistakes do have accompanying
consequences, there is not the consequence of offending God as there is with a
sin. (The talk by Elder Oaks explains it much better than I am here.) The major
difference between the two, to me, is that with sin God has given us specific
direction and we disobey. With a mistake we have general instructions (like
"focus the energy of our minds, our hearts,
and our souls on those things of eternal significance") but the application of the concept is unclear to us and we haven't
received revelation as to a specific course of action. This is a huge part of
the learning that takes place in this life, applying knowledge, making mistakes, and learning
through our own experience.

Sometimes this whole process of deciding a course of action
is more about deciding to do something or deciding to refrain from action. Like
today, I had a ton of things to do, but because of feeling badly the last few
days I decided that I needed to rest. I'm still not sure if that was a mistake
or not, but I made that choice with the best of intentions based on my current
knowledge.

You could say there were two commandments competing in this situation
- that I should care for my physical body, not run faster than I have strength
and the admonition to not sleep longer than is needful, and to live according to
the law of the harvest and the ethic of work (<--this work link is to an awesome article!). It's like Elder Oaks said, the
difference between good, better, and best; which changes constantly! What could
be best for me today, taking a nap, may not be what is best for me tomorrow.

Satan so loves to confuse
us, and I know that for me one way he gets me confused and stunted is by making
me feel that I'm not doing enough and that it is sin. This especially applies to
motherhood. I've been stressing over the eating habits of my family, worried
about starting my children off in life with the healthiest habits. It dawned on
me today that I am doing a good job of this - we don't drink alcohol, tea,
coffee, we don't smoke, we limit sweets, we grow a garden, I pack sack lunches,
eat some organic/whole foods, etc. Yet Satan has me feeling like a failure in
this area - it's crazy!!! I get so caught up in this worry that I may spend time
on food prep that I could spend actually interacting with my children :) So
instead of "doing" food I could be with my children, just being
with them.

Another area this applies for me is putting my kids in extra-curricular activities. It's
just not something I feel is important, yet I feel pressure from the world and
friends constantly. It creeps in a makes me worry that I'm not providing
something essential for my children. While it isn't a sin, and other wonderful people I know do put their kids in extra activities, I believe it would be a mistake for me to overburden our lives with more commitments.

To sum it all up - I'm too uptight and I over-think things. Hopefully I can learn to trust

God more, to leave my children's future, and mine, in His hands. Believing that he will lead

me to do those things that are of eternal significance while at the same time feeling hopeful

January 18, 2010

This weekend was to be the weekend of R's room makeover. We started a little late on Saturday, sleeping in and then choosing the color and picking up the paint. We didn't actually start painting until 2:00. We had to stop painting just a few hours later because it was DH's holiday party for work (yes, they do know the holidays are over).

It was at a local science museum, and because of that it was much more fun than his other holiday work parties. (Last year was gambling, not so fun for us.) A scientist did a presentation with liquid nitrogen, even poured some on the tablecloth, we were oooohhhing and ahhhing like the 4th graders she usually does presentations for. At the end she mixed the liquid nitrogen with milk, sugar and vanilla and made ice cream.

My question was - if liquid nitrogen is so cold (minus 32 degrees) how do you collect or make it? She said that it is all about pressure. Because our air is 79% nitrogen they put air under extreme pressure and the gaseous nitrogen turns into a cold liquid. This happens because liquids take up less space than gases. (Yes, that's my super technical version.) DH told the kids that a good way to find out this principle for yourself is to blow on your hand with your mouth wide open - the air is warm. Now blow on your hand with your lips pursed, a small hole so the air is under pressure as it leaves your mouth - the air is cold. Neat-O!

The next day, Sunday, was craziness of the church kind, with DH taking the 4 kids to our newly assigned congregation by himself. While I went to another congregation to help with a conference. At the conference I began to get a migraine and that migraine has continued through today despite medication.

For some reason when the paint mixing person asked if I wanted the paint with primer I said yes. It seemed like a good idea, we were doing a deep blue and it would cover better. This paint should come with a pass-out index on it. I've painted many times but never have I dealt with fumes so toxic. It's the only thing I can attribute my weekend-long migraine headache to. We were painting again today, after I spent the morning trying to sleep away my pain, when R said, "Mom, I've got to sit down, I'm getting dizzy." That's when we decided the fumes were more horrid than usual, despite the fact that we had windows open and fans blowing (thank goodness it's been near 50 degrees the last few days).

So today we pushed through and completed all of the major painting. I'll be picking up paint tomorrow to paint the trim, but I won't get the primer paint. Yuck.

January 06, 2010

I'm stuck in the stage of learning about how large goals only happen when you do something towards accomplishing them every day.

This morning I felt overwhelmed. Thinking about how J is trying to improve in school and the pressure I feel from his teacher(in yesterday's post), my daughter's physical health (AKA weight), then I stepped on the scale and saw that I gained weight over the holidays and then I became concerned about my physical health (and the dimensions of my backside). I started thinking about DH's new job at church, which requires more weekly meetings than we anticipated. Then I thought about my calling, and how in the world can we do both and take care of the kids? Then I thought about making applesauce because organic applesauce is ridiculously expensive but organic apples are relatively cheap and we need to take down the real Christmas tree tonight because the pickup is tomorrow but bookgroup is tonight and I haven't touched the book..! I got into a whirlwind mode - you know, where you start worrying about something and then before you know it you've taken personal responsibility for every major world crisis in the last 30 years?

So I thought about my daily goals, just three things I want to do everyday that should result in good things over the long term. Because I tend to get overwhelmed, I have to focus on what I'm doing today, right now. My 3 daily goals are:

Study

100% (pray morning and night, read Book of Mormon, and smile)

Healthy Eating

These goals are manageable, if I don't do that whirlwind of worry thing. It's easy to twist yourself into a whirlwind when you're a mom. You've got so many people to take care of, with such different needs and abilities, it is an avalanche of details. How can I help my kids accomplish their goals without driving myself crazy? I need to break my kids' goals down into dailies too. And then teach them to take personal responsibility for their own growth and accomplishments. This can give them the tools to be successful later in life, and help them fully enjoy the accomplishment of their goals because they did it, not because mom made them.

I'm thinking about 3 daily goals for each child. Everyone's goals will be different, based on their needs and abilities. If they accomplish their three goals for the day they get a sticker. Extra stickers can be earned by doing extra chores, A's on report cards, accomplishing Personal Progress goals, etc. Each child will decide what they want their reward to be (eg Webkins, Legos, a video game, a hoodie) and then DH and I will decide how many stickers they need to get the reward.

This is no cutting edge technique. The "chore chart" has been around for eons and was even used in fits and starts in my childhood home. I have done a chore chart off and on as well, especially during the summer. They are great, but never seem to withstand the test of time. Why is that? I've felt bad that I can't stick to a chore chart for more than a few months, I've heard other moms say they've felt that way too.

This morning I altered my thinking - chore charts and goals should be a no-guilt zone. If I set a goal and only do it for one day then I've bettered my life (thankfully I usually do a bit better than that). There is no failing at a goal, whatever I do to get closer to accomplishing it is a success. I'm better than I was when I started out.

So if I do implement this system (gotta ponder it a few more days) I will leave it in the hands of my children. If they want a sticker, they do the work - No Nagging! If they don't get a sticker, they don't get a sticker. Hopefully this can make for a happier home life with less nagging. (Why is it that people think Moms like to nag? I hate it, puts me in a bad mood, it makes me focus on the negative - yuck.) I hope it will teach my children all kinds of good things about motivation, rewarding yourself, personal responsibility, setting goals, having a plan for your day, and about success.