Yesterday was a bit long for me. About 8 am I realised today is River Day and I'm too tired to go. Bummer. That also means we have 1 week to get organised for an influx of family for Labour Weekend and Mum's delayed Birthday Gathering of the Clan. I'm leaving all the planning to Jane. I just do not feel up to doing anything to prepare. Just getting our house ready for extras and the bus organised for us to sleep in is enough. I guess I'll need to get extra food in too. W & A from flying up from Christchurch and driving over in a rental arrive late Friday night. T & C with their 2 children driving down from N. Auckland and also possibility of G from Rotorua. Not sure where they will all sleep. G might have to sleep in recliner. I don't think he'll mind as they are very comfortable. Hardest part for him is the difficulty using our bathroom. Toilet just OK but he has to go to Mum's to shower as ours is not suitable for a paraplegic. I know what we can do but Money ..... and there is no subsidy for alterations unless he lived here permanently. Fair enough.

I wouldn't have agreed to buy this house if I thought we'd be living in it. As an investment it was supposed to be flicked off but the recession intervened and combined with family circumstances made it practical, (best option), for us to live here. Sometimes it feels like home and other times it's just a temporary place to rest our heads until circumstance change to allow us to follow out own dreams and plans.

Jay sent text to say all well with Mum and I can have 5 days rest. I'm not so sure abut the 5 days but it's good to be able to stay home except I will go to church on Sunday. I wish there was something here as the cost of petrol and the driving are both a pain.

Today I go to Mum's and stay for tea. I'm feeling better but not enough sleep. I've run out of Nestle Cappuccinos and I think that helps my mood. Mum wanted fish and chips for tea so two runs into town, one to take her to Dr. and another for dinner. At least there were no dishes. 8.30 pm by the time I got home, I'd left before midday so was exceedingly tired. No walking. Story of my life of late.

I'm still embarrassed by my lack of progress. The last week has been a struggle emotionally and physically. I don't know why life becomes so hard.

Had a wonderful Sunday but I did stay out too long to go to evening service which wasn't worth it. Monday I was overtired and had to go to Mum's Was not happy and really tired and cross when I got home. Shouted at John that life not worth living. Finances too tight and looking bad. sleepy all day Tuesday, feeling better today. Don't know how much the itchiness and antihistamines are affecting me. I'm lucky to get 6 hours sleep at night and not often I doze off during the day. I wonder how much Jay's gathering of the clan for Labour Weekend is affecting me. I'm still shocked that Jenny is no longer with us and then there is the problem between my own children and knowing that D is unwelcome. It hurts more than I can say even though I fully understand .... perhaps a lot more than they know. I don't think any of them realise how much I know. This should have been resolved years ago but gets worse as they grow older. I don't know what to do except pray and trust God. It's so unfair to have this blight working like a yukky rot through their lives. Recently I was looking at some photos of Jay and Os and how happy they were. The mess in our family is at least partly responsible for them breaking up. I'm so sick of all this and wish I could be elsewhere at Labour Weekend. The pain is horrible but somehow I'll get through regardless of this underground stuff.

I'm embarrassed by my lack of walks. Others have picked up on my goal and here I am still procrastinating and finding excuses for not getting out there. Yesterday I was all organised with plan and even had my shoes on but let the computer time with Melanie over-ride my time and plan. I really enjoy walking so why is it so hard to do?

Without any known reason/cause I began to feel unwell and bloated late this morning. I was relaxing in a bath before washing my hair and going to Mum's. I arrived at Mum's about 12.30 and she was finishing her dishes so we just sat and visited of cups of tea until I left for home after watching EggHeads. I felt tired and hungry and ended up with 2 sandwiches because there was nothing else without prepping and cooking. No wonder I'm tired. I went to bed about 10 pm woke up about 3 am unable to go back to sleep I got up and spent time on laptop until sleepy about 6am. I was properly awake just after 8 so not much sleep either.

Maybe I've been drinking too many Nestle cppuccinos. The plunger black coffee doesn't seem to upset me at all. Anyway I'm no longer Gluten Free so will start with a 0 tomorrow again. AND I NEED TO WALK.

Read a novel between bedtime last night and lunchtime today. Left me emotionally drained. Not quite sure what is going on. Very emotional not to mention totally messing up any schedule I might have had. I can't blame the weathe. It's beautifully sunny.

Dinner:- chicken sausages, potato and mixed vegies The sausages were a different brand to our usual and I'll never buy them again. They had poor flavour were extremely high in fat and so salty. I would never have eaten them except I was very hungry.

I've been very tired this week. Whether it is because there has been more rainy, cloudy days again, the stricter diet, financial stress, all the extra travel or the combination, I really don't know. I'm tired. cranky and feeling frustrated right now.

"THE PAIN OF DISCPLINE OR THE PAIN OF REGRET AND DISAPPOINTMENT" - IT'S MY CHOICE

DISCIPLINE EQUALS FREEDOM

About Me

I am in my 78th year and live in New Zealand. In 2013 my husband, John, and I spent our 50th Wedding Anniversary in Hawaii. We have a major trip to North America planned for 2018
I have a long history of losing and gaining weight. I first began keeping an on-line journal around 2000 as a way to record my weight loss and quest for better health.
We moved to Christchurch in December 2015 to be near our only Grandchild. Ava -Jane is a wonderful gift to our family.
Life is full of the unexpected.
I am all about having some fun times this year.