…...Had a pretty good week off from work and spent some quality time with the kids, who thankfully are all totally accepting of me, the only issue we have which is understandable that Dad and him or his naturally go together in a sentence, they try to call me Nicole but old habits die hard, I love them so they are automatically forgiven for using the wrong pronouns, time will hopefully make the issue go away.

I spoke to my sister on Thursday, she is a few years older than me, she is the first person I came out to and have been disappointed that she has never really accepted me as a woman, she says she is ok but her actions say otherwise, our conversations are polite and we ask about each other’s family’s but she has no interest in my transition and never asks. I’m quite upset about it, I would love to have close sisterly relationship but it’s not to be.

I tried out my new nail polish

Nicole

It took awhile for my kids to get it right (they are older) and even now they slip up but extremely rarely and I always have told them to correct themselves and just move on I do not expect an apology for a mistake in language. It hard at the start when my presentation was changing. But like all families we worked it out.

I hear you on the sister front. Unfortunately I have experienced similar treatment at the hands of family members. They never say anything negative but they also like yours never ask anything possibly related to your transition. Mine made it really clear via my brother that they "did not want to know the details"...yes that is what they said. When you speak to them it can be hard to find personal topics that are not impacted by your transition. I hope you can find some common ground to try and establish a better relationship. Nice nails

Take care

Liz

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Transition Begun 25 September 2015HRT since 17 May 2016,Fulltime from 8 March 2017,GCS 4 December 2018Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

I’m struggling at the moment, contrary to how I may appear I am generally a glass-half-full person, I try to see the positive side of things. I’m incredibly happy that I am transitioning and when I go out as myself I feel just right.

I do however have days like yesterday and to some extent today where I struggle to keep my emotions under wraps, I feel really stupid saying this but some things just trigger a deep sadness, like a loss, I regret not experiencing womanhood from an early age, I have lost so much, I know it’s irrational and should just get over it and be happy I am now becoming the person I want to be but I can’t stop myself. I’ve tried to think positive, and hate myself for feeling down, does anyone else feel like this? How do you go about putting it behind you, do you find anything helps?

I have only recently started feeling strongly like this and I think it started when I went to see my new therapist who wants me to explore my feelings from childhood. I buried them a long time ago, yes I look back now and see how unhappy it made me but honestly at the time I just thought that was life and lived it, I can’t understand why it’s now become a problem, like I said I feel foolish admitting this but if anyone can relate it may help.

I’m struggling at the moment, contrary to how I may appear I am generally a glass-half-full person, I try to see the positive side of things. I’m incredibly happy that I am transitioning and when I go out as myself I feel just right.

I do however have days like yesterday and to some extent today where I struggle to keep my emotions under wraps, I feel really stupid saying this but some things just trigger a deep sadness, like a loss, I regret not experiencing womanhood from an early age, I have lost so much, I know it’s irrational and should just get over it and be happy I am now becoming the person I want to be but I can’t stop myself. I’ve tried to think positive, and hate myself for feeling down, does anyone else feel like this? How do you go about putting it behind you, do you find anything helps?

I have only recently started feeling strongly like this and I think it started when I went to see my new therapist who wants me to explore my feelings from childhood. I buried them a long time ago, yes I look back now and see how unhappy it made me but honestly at the time I just thought that was life and lived it, I can’t understand why it’s now become a problem, like I said I feel foolish admitting this but if anyone can relate it may help.

Nicole

Hi Nicole

I think that you are experiencing what many of us do and that is, that horrible realisation of what you missed out on all the years you were forced to live your lie. That understanding that even though your transition can be tough at times it is nothing like the horror stories you always imagined leads to, the realisation that you are never going to have the experiences that so many cis girls have. I can remember feeling sick when the sadness of knowing that the more I accept myself as a woman the more I realise how far apart my life experience is from cis women. Which in turn leads toi further self doubt.

For me when I began to accept who I was and began to look at my life from that context, many things made sense to me. My sense of loss only got worse as I realised what I could never experience many of these things which started other internal battles for my female self. I think it takes time to sort these things out for ourselves and do our own mourning. Having a sense of loss about these things is perfectly healthy as long as you can move forward. I try and keep it in perspective, things could be much worse..i could still be trying to be "him"

Hope that helps

Liz

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Transition Begun 25 September 2015HRT since 17 May 2016,Fulltime from 8 March 2017,GCS 4 December 2018Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Thank you for your reply it helps to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, I’m determined not to let it get out of hand, like you said it’s a horrible realisation and not being him anymore is comforting and something I can look at positively.

I attended my interview for name and gender change, I submitted my documents which they checked over and confirmed I would receive new certificates confirming my new name and gender in 2-3 weeks. The process has so far been ok, for those girls and guys from South Australia thinking of doing the same.

I can’t wait to get the certificates, then the joy of changing my name everywhere begins, I’m flying to Sydney in September and don’t want to be booking in my dead name.

I attended my interview for name and gender change, I submitted my documents which they checked over and confirmed I would receive new certificates confirming my new name and gender in 2-3 weeks. The process has so far been ok, for those girls and guys from South Australia thinking of doing the same.

I can’t wait to get the certificates, then the joy of changing my name everywhere begins, I’m flying to Sydney in September and don’t want to be booking in my dead name.

Nicole

@Nicole70 Dear Nicole:Thanks for your update... For me getting my name and gender change was almost a one year long endeavor, just when I thought that I have everything thing changed I would get a snail mail or email in my old name... you got to keep after it, and finally you will have it taken care of.Getting documents, letters and even your bills in the correct name and gendered correctly is very affirming for sure. Good luck to you as you take care of these important matters in your transition wellness.Looking for more updates from you.

Great to hear the interview went well...mine lasted about 2 minutes...As soon as she saw my Kiwi passport it was over. LOL The process after this is such a pain in the butt. It is more time consuming than anything...I did mine about 18 months ago and I am still finding my old name in places, still get the occasional mail addressed to the old guy who used to live here. Once I had my Medicare, drivers License and my Change of name Cert from NZ (very simple process) everything got a whole lot simpler. As soon as everything was changed with Medicare then all my medical stuff was changed so no more mis naming at the Drs. They can't bill if they don't have the correct name details which is why they are so keen to have it right after changing it with Medicare.

Congrats its major milestone and I found a certain amount of pleasure in actually making the change.

Take care

Liz

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Transition Begun 25 September 2015HRT since 17 May 2016,Fulltime from 8 March 2017,GCS 4 December 2018Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

Thank you for your replies, I’m going to be checking the post expectantly in a couple of weeks, I can’t wait to get rid of my dead name on documents and letters.

@Alaskan Danielle , thank you for your kind words earlier today on another post, I haven’t been myself for last few days, you helped to bring me out of myself.

I think I was also getting worried about the name change interview, I always worry about these sorts of things, have I got all the documents correct, will I be late etc. The interview went well, I got back into the car and burst into tears, I think it was just relief and I was happy.

I have read through the mindfulness post today and I’m looking forward to moving on with my transition positively, I am back on my diet and I’m aiming to reach my goal weight by Christmas, Liz you are inspiring me.

I found out my cousin and Aunty from the UK are coming over for a visit in November, I had not yet told them about my transitioning.

I decided it was time, I had been delaying because of various family related issues. I composed an email which was fairly short but said enough to explain my history and current status. I got replies really quickly, all lovely and supportive, I feel so blessed.

I found out my cousin and Aunty from the UK are coming over for a visit in November, I had not yet told them about my transitioning.

I decided it was time, I had been delaying because of various family related issues. I composed an email which was fairly short but said enough to explain my history and current status. I got replies really quickly, all lovely and supportive, I feel so blessed.

@Nicole70Dear Nicole:This is really good news... and in fact many of the recent postings of your have been positive as well, I am very happy for you. Yes, indeed, you have a right to feel so blessed. It is certainly a wonderful feeling to receive for you those fast, lovely and supportive replies. I trust that when your cousin and Auntie come to visit that it will be an enjoyable time for all.Wishing you well as you continue working out all the family issues related to your transition goals.

Congratulations, would say we should party but I cant afford the trip over there, so have a drink on me ^^

Amaki,

Thank you for your congratulations, yes it’s a bit far for a party and also cold this time of year, I’d like to say I’ll have a few drinks tonight but alcohol makes me feel very ill. Maybe just a small one .

I received my name and gender change certificate in the post today, what a week! It started off pretty low, but has ended on a real high! So happy

Hi Nicole

Brilliant!!!.... this is a huge milestone for you.

You now are able to change the documentation you need to start the process of no longer being misnamed nor hopefully misgendered any longer.

I am sure by now the job is done with Medicare as I found them one of the easier to get along with..Centrelink should also now be taken care of as they are in the same computer screen almost....from there you have enough points to get your license changed YAhoo...from this point forward you old name can officially be in the past.

Enjoy making the changes you need and don't forget to remind them about gender markers!!

Take care

Liz

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Transition Begun 25 September 2015HRT since 17 May 2016,Fulltime from 8 March 2017,GCS 4 December 2018Voice Surgery 01 February 2019

It was actually very easy and quick, well the wait was an hour and a half, but once I got to see someone it only took a couple of minutes, I now have my temporary card .

I got a bit concerned because when I first went in the lady on reception asked if I had my doctors letter also, I said no because you can’t get the certificate without a doctors letter so why do I need another, anyway she was mistaken.

Driver’s license next week and the bank, then all the rest I guess. It begins...

I am so glad things are progressing so well and that you now have three things to celebrate - support from your cousin and aunty here in UK, your Name and Gender Change Certificate and the Medicare change.