Just The Facts

Sake Bombs: Demonstrating the Retardation of Young Americans Since 1946

There is nothing subtle or refined about sake bombs. They do not contain the beautiful aromas of a vintage merlot or the woody aftertaste of a fine whiskey. It is the adult equivalent of eating a cockroach on the playground because Jimmy Martin bet you a dollar you wouldn't except the only dollars are the ones you give the bartender for pouring the wretched concoction and the cockroach will eventually give you cirrhosis of the liver. Sake bombs are what they would serve on fear factor if Joe Rogan wanted to kill people.

The ritual of sake bombing bears a striking resemblance to a group suicide pact. Drinkers typically balance a shot of rice liquor between two chopsticks over a pint of beer. After counting down by repeatedly yelling "sake" the drinkers pound the table with enough force to shift the chopsticks and send the sake tumbling into the beer. The beverage is consumed immediately by every member of the group at once, during the wave of euphoria caused by successfully knocking over a glass and making a noise.

The flavor of a sake bomb is best described as a refreshing combination of urine and antifreeze. Drink affects typically include intoxication, projectile vomit, blackouts, and acceptance by drunken imbeciles with popped collars.

The American soldiers who invented this demonic beverage named called it a sake bomb, a Nagasaki, or a Hiroshima because that was the only image that came to mind as it they consumed these horrors. In other words, the men who witnessed the most destructive bombing campaign in history considered this the liquid equivalent.