This is your wedding and this is the date you picked to start spending the rest of your life with the woman you love. Who gives a frick about what day of the week it is! Don’t you dare ever forget this date from now on because missed anniversaries are impossible to recover from.

Put off having children. Nothing changes you sex life more than children. Hope you don’t enjoy blow jobs because those are in your past.

Congrats on your entrance to the “I am controlled by the power of Pussy" club! You will say and do strange things to continue to stay in this club.

We have great insurance, but if something was more than $100, we would cover it jointly. When I was working, I had one of those cafeteria plans that allowed me to put away money toward medical expenses and get reimbursed as I spent it. It was easier for me to keep track from my own account.

1. Don't try to do too much tonight....you'll be very tired after a full day of wedding, pictures, party...etc. 2. Crush it in the morning. 3. Never stop telling her you love her or how beautiful she is to you. 3. Have a lot of fun over the next 2-3 years - take as many vacations as possible. 4. Don't get bogged down by the day to day minutiae. 5. Remember that it's okay to agree-to-disagree. 6. Never go to sleep angry at each other. 7. Wait at least 2-3 years before attempting to have children. 8. When you have children - you're not dead. It's okay to still go places. Just make sure you don't offend the masses with a crying baby. 9. Never stop telling her you love her or how beautiful she is to you. 10. Lick it like it's your last meal on Earth.