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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

After dropping Miss Never Stops Talking off at school this morning, I decided to make a quick stop at the grocery store for milk and produce with the boys. Shopping with the boys is always like a game of Russian Roulette, but today I felt the odds were in my favor.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I was thrilled to see one of those carts with the big plastic car in front for a toddler. WIN. I grabbed the cart & noticed that the plastic car didn't have a seat belt. This was frustrating. I wasn't as concerned about Mr. Loudest Kid Ever's safety as I was afraid he might climb out of the plastic car & run away while I wasn't looking. I decided to risk it. I strapped Baby P into the baby section up top, and we went on our merry way.

While shopping, I noticed that Griffin seemed genuinely happy in his plastic car. He was smiling & making enthusiastic engine sounds as we went up and down the aisles. This is awesome, I thought to myself. I might actually be able to go grocery shopping without any screaming. This would be a major victory in my pathetic stay-at-home momma life.

As I stopped to load our cart up with blueberries and strawberries, the friendly man working the produce section bent over & started interacting with my older son. They both made engine sounds together.

I smiled innocently, and said, "I love these carts. It's so hard to shop with a two-year-old. I'm thrilled to see he loves this car so much. I might actually be able to go grocery shopping without him crying."

The produce man smiled and told me he had two kids, ages 2 and 5, and knew exactly what I was talking about. He said he usually bribed his kids with food while he shopped with them.

I laughed, "Oh, I do that too. I usually have to buy a bag of goldfish or pretzels while I shop."

Then it happened. The friendly produce man smiled in agreement and then got lost in a very uncomfortable gaze at my breasts, waist, and ass. It was the longest 10-30 seconds of my life. Total creeper. It was a moment straight out of Seinfeld and would have only been more comical and ironic if we were in the melon section instead of the blueberries.

Needless to say, the boys and I promptly ended our chat with the produce man to finish our shopping.

Then Mr. Loudest Kid Ever saw the milk boxes at eye level with his car (Damn you, strategic grocery store placement), and begged for one. Of course, I caved.

When I put the straw into the milk box and handed it to my son, he squeezed too hard and spilled it all over himself. So, we left the grocery store crying over...you guessed it...spilled milk.