Signs that the Relationship is not Right for You

How to know when its time to move on

It doesn’t matter if it’s been 7 months o 7 years- if you aren’t feeling satisfied, happy or free, something has to change. Often we know inside that the relationship is over but choose to ignore the feelings because we aren’t brave enough or don’t feel strong enough to make the change, or perhaps we are waiting for just one more sign so that we can be 100% sure because we don’t want to make a mistake. Think about your relationship. Has it become more of a burden than you feel you can carry? If you believe that by ending it you would feel lighter or freer, it’s likely that the relationship is no longer for you and it is time to break up.

Memories

Do you spend time thinking about the first time you met? In the last time he or she surprised you with gift? In when was the last time that the two of you went out for a romantic evening? If you find that you are living more in the past than in the present, it’s a sure sign that something is going on. Memories are important and can be wonderful, but they can also be a deceptive refuge that has little to do with reality. If your present reality is not bringing you happiness then it’s time to take action; otherwise you are not living in the now, in the present, but instead are trapped in the past.

Sadness

Life is full of pleasures and pain, happiness as well as disappointments-it is a natural part of our existence. However, If you find that you are in a relationship in which the majority of the time you feel sadness or emotionally pained, perhaps it’s time to pause, reflect and try to recapture some balance. If you find that you are constantly unloading on your friends, telling them about everything that is wrong with your relationship, it’s likely that you’re not in a healthy relationship.

Unconditional love

Someone that loves you loves you for who you are-with all of your defects. Be wary of entering a relationship in which the other person is waiting for you to change. Of course people can change, but it should be on their terms and when they feel comfortable and want to change. Otherwise, if you change just to please someone else, sooner or later there will be problems. If your partner is waiting for you to change into what he or she believes you should be or is trying to manipulate you into being someone that you are not, it’s a sure sign that the relationship is not healthy.

Justifying

If you find yourself justifying your partner’s actions or even your own, it’s likely that you are not in a relationship in which your partner and you understand each other. The fact that you have to justify their actions or your own is an indication that there is a lack of communication, and of course in a relationship communication is critical. Ask yourself if what you are doing you are doing for yourself or if you find that you need to justify it, it could be that you are in a situation in which your partner has charge of your behavior. It is probably time to reconsider if being together is the best option for the both of you.

Abuse/Pain

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence in America, 1 out of every 4 women experiences a domestic violence situation in her lifetime. An abusive relationship does not have a future, period. When one partner is abusing the other through physical, verbal or emotional threats and the dominating characteristic of the relationship is pain, it should not continue. Excessive behaviors such as calling you or sending you text messages nonstop can also be considered forms of violence and abuse, although subtle-so be alert.

Again?

It’s the same old story that you have heard time and time again. The bedroom floor is a carpet of dirty clothes and underwear, the bathroom is a disaster of makeup, perfume and necklaces or yet again he/she stayed out late with friends and didn’t bother to call-it’s all old news. And the sad thing is that you have talked about it, promised each other that it would never happen again, vowed to resolve whatever the issue is, but in the moment of truth nothing changes. This is a recipe for failure, and if you find yourself in such a situation, the best thing you can do is say “that’s it, that’s enough” and change relationships instead of waiting for the same old story to magically change.

Effort

Do you feel like you always are organizing and planning your Friday nights, weekend getaways or vacations around her, but she isn’t lifting a finger? Do you spend all day thinking about him, planning a great dinner, having everything just perfect and he doesn’t even offer to help with the dishes? Every healthy relationship needs some balance, and if one person is always taking advantage of the other, sooner or later the one making all of the effort will begin to resent that they are putting so much energy into an unequal relationship. If you find that your partner is not interested in putting energy into the relationship you may want to ask yourself if you want to continue doing so.

Fundamental Values

There are both things that unite and things that separate us, and when it comes to values and beliefs, we are either talking about a narrow stream or the wide blue sea. For example, if the two people in the relationship come from different religions and are not able to be flexible about it, the belief system can end up tearing the two apart. There are couples that are able to reconcile such differences in the relationship, accepting that the other believes differently than they do or that are capable of changing their beliefs to be more in line with the other person. However, if you find that you cannot come to an agreement with your partner about core beliefs and values, perhaps its reason enough to move on and find a partner you are more compatible with.

Individual Growth

The perfect partner does not exist, it’s a myth. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what may be ideal for one person is not ideal for another. Some of us are looking for a partner that is the complete opposite of us, while others are looking for someone that is identical and shares their exact interests and opinions. But regardless of how the two complement each other, within the relationship each one should have the freedom to grow and develop as an individual. If this individual liberty does not exist in your relationship, perhaps it is time to grow on your without your partner.

Change

Change is a fundamental law of our life. What once united you as a couple no longer exists or one of you just does not feel the same as they used to about the other. This can be painful, but realizing the truth of change can in the end make us happier and healthier. What is painful is the constant futile effort that we often make trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. It would be best to arm yourself with courage, be honest with your partner as well as with yourself, and let your partner and yourself move on to find the relationship that is best for everyone.