Remember the days when an EastEnders wedding was not only the show's best episode but one of the highlights of the entire television year?

Well, those days, like most of EastEnders' attributes, have gone - despite their award at the laughable National Television Awards for Best Serial Drama (ie soap).

EastEnders obviously can't see it so let's make it REALLY SIMPLE for them. Stacey Slater has been EastEnders' best character since she arrived three years ago - sarky, sassy and (gasp) realistically streetwise/vulnerable.

So what do the idiots at EastEnders do?

They fix her up with Bradley Branning - the most gormless, unimaginative, character in the show. A bumbling, overgrown Billy Bunter schoolboy who even scriptwriters describe as "a prize prat".

Personally, I don't believe Stacey would even be mates with Bradley, let alone sleep with him. Let alone go out with him. Let alone MARRY him.

As Garry Hobbs put it, "How can a Class A plum like yourself pull a classy bird like Stacey?"

And, for most of this time, she's been sleeping with Bradley's dad - always a bit of a clue as to how well-suited you and your fiance are!

Plus there is the fact that young Stace has been miserable throughout - as she would be.

The thought of poor Stacey having sex with either Bradley or Whispering Max Branning is enough to make your skin crawl, no matter how much the scriptwriters try to persuade us that Max is meant to be some sort of irresistible ladies' man.

In fact, he looks more like a cross between a small chimpanzee, Nookie the Bear and Jimmy Somerville's tougher older bruvver.

The wedding had several disastrous consequences:

The arrival of Max's bruvver, Scott Maslen from The Bill, a man so handsome he looks about as much like Max or their dad Jim Branning as Wellard.

The increased presence of Stacey's nightmare of a muvver.

The totally predictable fake tension built around the discovery of Stacey's texts to Jimmy Somerville senior and Abbey's inexplicably clandestine video.

Then there was Stacey's bruvver, Sean.

"You had that look on your face... " twittered his appalling muvver as Sean wandered around being so angry he went virtually cross-eyed and so unstable that he might as well have had the word PSYCHO embossed across his forehead.

Hats off to actor Robert Kazinsky - who clearly thinks Jack Nicholson's performance in The Shining was too subdued.

Sean's failure to spill the beans, spoil Bradley's big day and destroy Max's bogus happy family was seriously disappointing.

As for Stacey... tragically, years of misery await. For US.

Meanwhile, 200 miles away, but on another planet in terms of quality, there were more nuptials in Coronation Street.

Apart from the usual minor details like the storylines, the script and the acting, the photography had a richness EastEnders - in all its grey mundanity - doesn't even aspire to.

As Sarah's wedding day dawned, brother David drove his car into the canal (to the strains of The Wannadies, geddit?!), so traumatised was he at being exiled from the Platt family. That's a family that consists of Sarah-Lou, Audrey and GAIL. Personally, I think you'd be ecstatic to be exiled from THAT family!

Not long ago, David discovered Gail had considered aborting him - which shows she is, at least, a good judge of character.

Still, his fake suicide attempt means he is now ensconced back in the bosom of the family. That's Gail's bosom. Not a place any sane man would want to be.