Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 14:22:59 IST
From: "Nathaniel C."
Subject: Question of faith part 7
First of all thank you so much for all the feedback. Kevin thank you for
your help. Toby, thanks for your support.
Everyone at Nifty thank you for letting us post our stories.
DISCLAIMER: as far as I know none of the members of Nsync, 5ive or the
Backstreetboys are gay. I am in no way connected or related to the bands,
their families, their friends, their management or their record
companies. This story is pure fiction.
If you like it you can send feedback to: nathanielstories@hotmail.com
Question of Faith part 7
Justin and Richie watched the movie Justin picked in complete
silence. Richie opened his mouth a few times to say something but he
couldn't find the right words. Justin felt a bit uneasy. He sensed that
there was something wrong. Justin stretched his legs in front of him and
leaned back on the couch. He was tired from the show and watching the
movie. Justin had hoped Pretty Woman could entertain him but he had seen it
one time too many. Justin closed his eyes. Justin drifted in a light sleep.
'Why did you kill me?'
Justin opened his eyes and saw a little girl standing at his feet.
'Why did you kill me?'
Justin shook his head. 'I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.'
The girl didn't seem to hear him. 'Why did you kill me?' She asked over and
over again.
'I am sorry.' Screamed Justin.
Suddenly JC stood behind her. 'You murdered my girl.'
Justin tried to get up but something held him down. 'I am sorry. Please
believe.'
'Justin? Justin, wake up.'
Justin's eyes flew open. Richie sat beside him on the couch. 'What are you
sorry about?'
Justin looked confused.
'You screamed you were sorry.'
Justin took a deep breath. 'It was a baby girl. I killed her.'
Justin pulled up his knees and started rocking back and forth.
'Every time I close my eyes I see this little girl and she keeps asking me
why I killed her. I keep telling her that I'm sorry but no one hears
me. Everyone looks the other way when I come in a room.'
Justin looked up. His blue eyes were filled with tears. 'And now I lost you
as a friend as well.'
Richie touched his cheek. 'Will you take me back as a lover?'
The tears ran down Justin's face. 'But you said...'
'Shane and I were over before we started. It was doomed.'
Justin covered the warm hand on his cheek with his own.
'Can you forgive me?'
Richie instantly knew what he meant. 'I never blamed you. There is nothing
to forgive.'
Richie leaned forward and brushed his lips past Justin's. Justin shivered.
'Can you stay here tonight?' Whispered Justin. 'I don't want to wake up
alone after a nightmare.'
Richie nodded. Justin got up and walked to his bed.
'Do you need a T-shirt to sleep in?'
Richie shook his head. Justin stripped to his boxers and crawled in
bed. Richie followed his example. Justin stared at the blonde boy lying
inches away from him.
'You'll still be here in the morning?'
Richie scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Justin. Justin rested his
head on Richie's chest.
'Tomorrow and every morning that follows.'
JC sat on his balcony. He couldn't sleep. Although it had been a few days
now he couldn't close his eyes without seeing Justin's face. The look on
the young boy's face had scared him so much. He heard some muffled voices
coming from the next room.
Suddenly he heard Justin scream: 'God I'm sorry.'
JC frowned. He didn't know Justin had company. He rose to his feet and
walked to the edge of the balcony. He bent forward and looked inside
Justin's room through the French doors. Justin was lying in bed.
'Don't kill me.' He screamed.
Someone sat up next to Justin. Justin tossed his head from side to side.
'Please, I'm sorry.'
He started crying in his sleep. JC looked surprised as he recognised
Richie. Richie pulled Justin in his arms.
'Shh. Wake up Justin.'
Justin stirred and opened his eyes.
He looked up at Richie. 'He tried to kill me.'
Richie stroked Justin's hair. 'He didn't mean to.'
Justin pulled Richie away. 'His hands are on my throat. Get them off.'
Richie grabbed Justin's hands. 'Justin, take a deep breath. JC is not
here. Come on you can breath.'
JC took a few steps back. He was trembling.
'Honey are you okay?'
JC turned around. Lexie stood in the doorway.
'You look like you have seen a ghost.'
JC walked to her and wrapped his arms around her. 'He thinks I want to
kill. He has nightmares.'
Lexie guided JC inside and sat down on the bed.
'You have to talk to him. If you don't do that soon he may need help.'
JC rested his head in his girlfriend's lap. 'If he would only let me
near. Each time I look at him he turns his head. He only spends time with
Richie.' JC closed his eyes. 'I was so angry with him but at the same time
I understood why he did it. He is so confused.'
Lexie stroked his cheek. 'I do hope Richie can make him happy again. I miss
his smile and his funny jokes.' Lexie lowered her head and kissed
him. 'Just be there for him when he wants to talk to you.'
JC nodded.
'The tour is over in three weeks. Than you have to decide if you want to go
to Europe with the band or not.'
'If I go Justin won't go and visa versa.' JC sighed. 'How did we get in
this mess?'
Lexie smiled. 'By keeping secrets from your best friend.'
JC didn't reply. He knew his girlfriend was right.
Brian tried not to glance at Nick. They had 4 tour dates left. A few weeks
ago Nick suddenly moved in Brian's hotel room. He didn't say what was wrong
or why he was doing that. Brian had guessed that he had had a fight with
Kevin. Nick shifted in his chair. Brian sighed and placed his book on the
side table.
'Is there something you want to talk about, Nick?'
Nick nodded.
'I'm listening.'
Nick took a deep breath. 'Kevin and I had a big fight. Or maybe I should
say that I had a fight with Kevin. I was so angry he just left at the
hospital.'
Brian nodded. Kevin had told him all this.
'My back ached so much and he just strolled in asking if I was all
right. Of course I wasn't all right. Anyway, a few days later my tests
results came in and I wanted to run to Kevin to tell him the news but I
suddenly realised we were no longer a couple.'
Brian rubbed his eyes. 'You did try really hard to ignore him.'
Nick stared at his feet. 'Did you notice a change in me?'
Brian frowned. 'Well, you seem happier and more awake lately.'
Nick looked up at Brian. 'I know what is wrong with me and I've been taking
medication the last couple of weeks. I should be better in three or four
months.'
Brian jumped up. 'Why didn't you tell us?'
Nick shrugged. 'I was angry. Afraid you'd tell Kevin.' Brian kneeled down
next to his best friend.
'Nick, I would never tell Kevin if you asked me not to tell.'
'He left me alone when I needed him.' Whispered Nick. A single tear rolled
down his cheek. 'I was in so much pain and he just left. All I could think
about is what he would do if I had cancer.'
'You could have told me. I'd always be there for you.'
'I know but I had to fight alone.'
Brian looked at Nick. 'Does your mum know.'
Nick shook his head. 'I never told her.'
Brian looked surprised. 'What about all those stories in the media of you
missing so many concerts?'
Nick tugged at his shirt. 'BJ knew. She helped me when I was home. And she
made sure mum didn't see any newspapers or things on TV. If she did see
something BJ would tell her I had a slight flu or something like that.'
'What else have you been lying about?'
Brian could barely hear Nick's answer: 'Kevin.'
Brian rose to his feet. 'Are you telling me your family knows nothing about
your relationship with Kevin?'
Nick nodded.
Brian ran his hand through his hair. 'Damnit Nick. Why?'
'No need to tell them now. Kevin and I are no longer together.'
Brian slammed his fist on the table. 'I've never seen Kevin like this. He
is barely eating and he looks like he has been to hell and back.'
Nick jumped up in surprise. 'We were talking about me here.'
Brian looked at Nick. 'I never knew you were so selfish.'
Brian walked out of the room and left Nick very confused.
Kevin knocked on Brian's door. 'Brian, are you there?'
No one responded. Kevin knocked again. 'Brian, it's about Glenn. Please
open up.' He heard some noise and the door opened. Kevin looked up and
stared in Nick's angry eyes.
'What about Glenn, Kevin? Was one kiss not enough for you?'
Kevin opened his mouth but didn't say anything.
'What? You lost your voice by screaming out his name too much?'
Kevin pushed Nick inside.
'Keep your voice down.'
Nick snorted. 'Why? I have nothing to hide.'
Kevin ran his fingers through his hair. 'I went to see Glenn but it is not
what you think it is.'
'I don't even want to hear your lame excuse.'
Kevin grabbed Nick by his shoulders and pushed him on a chair. 'You're
going to sit there and listen to me.' Yelled Kevin.
Nick flinched. Kevin had never yelled at him before.
'I went to see Glenn for two reasons. The first reason was that Glenn
wanted me to meet his new boyfriend. The second reason was that I can talk
to Glenn. I can tell him about my fear and feelings.'
Kevin took a deep breath.
'Let me tell you a story Nick. My father had cancer. I took care of him
until the end. I watch the disease spread through his body. I saw him
vanish for my eyes. I watch him die. Never ever do I want to go through
that again.'
Kevin wiped away his tears.
'When that doctor told us he thought you might have cancer my worst
nightmare came through. I was to loose another person I loved with all my
heart to a disease. I left the room to pray. Hoping that someone would hear
my prayers. That that person would prevent you from going through all that
pain. And I made a vow, a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would
take care of you until the bitter end. Until you couldn't walk anymore, or
talk, or even move because of the disease that was eating away inside of
you.'
Kevin looked at Nick.
'I prepared myself for losing you several times these past years. But
nothing or no one ever managed to stop me from loving you. I left that day
because I didn't want you to see what pain I was in. I didn't want you to
see that I was losing hope. I didn't want you to stop fighting.' Kevin
walked to Nick and lowered his head so that he was looking him straight in
his eyes. 'I love you. I don't deserve you. God knows what an ass hole I've
been. But not being with you will kill me in the end. I care about you than
anything else in the world. I would give up all of this just to be with
you.'
Kevin looked away.
'But somewhere along the way you lost your faith in me. And now I'm going
to lose you to the one thing I can't fight. I'm scared Nick. Scared to see
you in so much pain. I wish I could some of your pain away. I wish it was
me instead of you.'
Kevin walked away from the chair.
'Just don't give up fighting. Fight the cancer as long as you can. And if
you need me I'll be there.'
Kevin walked to the door. He said what was on his heart. Nick got up and
walked to Kevin. He touched Kevin's arm. Reluctantly Kevin turned around.
Nick stared at him with tears in his eyes. 'I got the test results back a
few weeks ago.'
Kevin closed his eyes and prepared for the worst.
'I don't have cancer.' Whispered Nick.
There will be another chapter out by the end of this week!