Here is a text transcription of the comic to make it more accessible for people using screen readers. Transcription by Morgan Kelly.

Erika and Matthew begin this comic standing on a podium at the center of a crowd as Erika ask, “My Dearest Perverts, I gotta ask you – Are you horny?”

A person in the crowd raises their hand and shouts, “Oh yeah, constantly!” Other people in the crowd respond, “But I just can’t seem to find someone who’s down for a no-strings-attached hook up.” “I can’t find someone who’s into my kink.” “We can’t find a third to make a ménage-a-trois.”

Erika and Matthew respond joyfully, “What if there were a place… A resource to say exactly the kind of sex partner you’re looking for and it would show you people in your area who fit your criteria… Dearest Perverts, that service is called Adult Friend Finder. And it’s kinda free-ish!”

Erika and Matthew continue, “AFF was kind enough to supply us with a month long Gold membership… (Thank you guys!) Which we explored on and off for a good few weeks. Because it’s been around for nearly twenty years, it has a wealth of members, over 40 million! No matter how specialized your interest is, odds are pretty good that you’ll meet an Adult Friend of similar tastes. AFF has gone all out with their profile customization, with huge amounts of options to set your preferences and get more of yourself on the page…”

Matthew is editing their profile page, he asks Erika, “How about this for our photo?” She scowls and playfully slaps him as she responds, “BABY! That’s way too dirty!”

“Unfortunately, not many users utilize their profiles well and just stick with dick pics. It’s surprising how many ways you have to sift through to find a friendly face.” The accompanying illustrations depict Erika and Matthew faced with a crowd of penises. They seem to be in shock, “Oh man… So many dick pics. I mean, we’re both down with dick pics. But c’mon, everything in moderation! Maybe if AFF limited the amount of cock shorts you could upload…?”

One penis in the crowd turns to Matthew and asks, “Sup?” Matthew exclaims, “And then the wangs will start chatting with you! We were honestly surprised at how much people just wanted to chat.”

Erika and Matthew continue, “If you can weed out the fake and ‘whack off’ accounts run by seemingly illiterate 16-year-olds, you can manage to get some rewarding flirty conversations with you friendly local perverts.”

Erika explains, “AFF feels like the brain child of Quark. (My favorite Star Trek character and personal hero.) Quark’s got the lobes for business, a true Ferengi entrepreneur MASTER MIND who values profit over everything. Ferengi society operates on an aggressively capitalist model. Entering someone’s house? One slip of latinum. Need a chair in the waiting room of the Tower of Commerce? That’ll be three slips? Using the elevator costs seven.”

The accompanying illustration depicts Quark as a bouncer of a club calling out, “Come in! Come in! Sexy singles, ready to mingle, no cover charge!”

Erika and Matthew continue, “Quark would have you lured in to AFF with the promise of bountiful hook ups for FREE ENTRY. But the reality is, it’s a money trap aimed at your crotch.”

Quark stands at the center of a series of questions, “Want to see more than a user’s thumbnail image? Want to change your user name? Fancy sending you crush a message? Need those features that are actually important to use the site?” Quark says, “In lieu of gold pressed latinum, we also accept your paper hoo-mon money.” Erika and Matthew explain, “Fees upon fees, hudden behind layers of confusing ‘point-earning,’ ‘membership tiers,’ and monthly subscription models. There ARE better, region-specific hook up sites that feel friendlier and are better designed. But they can’t provide AFF’s MASSIVE network of users.”

Erika and Matthew conclude this comic by saying, “Overall, we’re not in love with the site design and social culture on AFF, but we definitely regard it with awe and respect. It’s expensive and aggressive, but if you dive in and fish around you’re pretty much guaranteed to find some diamonds among the sea of cock shots and poor spelling. And that’s the thing, since there are SO MANY people using AFF, the number of diamonds you’ll find near by is actually quiet a lot! Even if you’re stuck on the Gamma Quandrant on Deep Space 9, you’re bound to find someone that ticks your particular box. …Or makes your lobes tingle.”

Quark is depicted with another Ferengi, Quark’s lobes are being massaged as Quark asks, “Do you know the art of… oo-mox?” The other Ferengi sensually responds, “Why, I thought you’d never ask!”