looting

Heyyyyy Alaska had a 7.9/8.2 (depends who you ask) magnitude earthquake earlier this week and it set off my anxiety because GUESS WHAT? I LIVE IN A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE ZONE AND WE’RE OVERDUE FOR A MASSIVE SHAKEDOWN.

I have emergency bags at home, and I used to be pretty smug about that and thought I was ready! I’m adorable, in case you didn’t know. I knew the food probably needed to be replaced and I needed provisions for my cats, but when I opened the bag I got a major dose of reality: I am nowhere near ready for this. Aside from camping cutlery, some rudimentary first aid supplies, and four years already expired food, there was not much else in that bag that was going to save us.

My poor brain went into overdrive and I started doing what I do best: making lists and meal planning for the apocalypse. Look, I don’t know where I’m going to be when all of this goes down, but I don’t want to have to rely on what will already be an overburdened system. I’d prefer to be self-sufficient so that people who actually need help, such as the elderly, are getting it instead of assholes who couldn’t be bothered to put together an emergency kit. I don’t want to be an asshole if I can avoid it. Okay, I’m an asshole on a regular basis, but I don’t want to be one during a crisis.

I decided that there should be an emergency bag in each of our cars and two at home, each with enough supplies to sustain two people for three days. The bags at home will also have provisions for our cats, because I never, ever want to be in a position where I can’t care for them.

So lists were made.

Whatever is in italics I’ve already taken care of.

Cats:

Reflective collars and ID tags

Harnesses and leashes

Small cans of cat food that can be opened without a can opener

Dry cat food

Collapsible food and water dishes

Cat treats

A few toys

Food, three meals plus snacks and beverages:

Dehydrated soups with beans and lentils

Vacuum sealed, ready to eat pastas

Instant oatmeal

Dried fruit

Trail mix

Chocolate bars

Cliff bars

Instant coffee because having a caffeine headache during a crisis would definitely turn me into an asshole

Vodka

Pot, although it is technically not food

4 litre jugs of water

Electrolyte tablets

First Aid:

Latex gloves

Dust masks

Bandages of various sizes

Butterfly bandages

Gauze

Medical tape

Pain relievers (maybe pot should go in the first aid kit, too)

Ativan

Hand sanitizer

Ointment

And then I just said fuck it and bought four small first aid kits in addition to what I have above

Gear:

Backpacks

Single burner camping stoves and fuel

Lighters

Solar blankets

Whistles

Candles

Wind up flashlights

Radios with extra batteries

Fleece blankets

Nesting cups

Nesting bowls

Sporks

Small kettles/pots with lids

Dish soap

Bleach

Dish cloths

Note books

Sharpie markers

Folding knives

Extra large ziploc bags

Toilet paper

Clothes:

Base layers

Wool socks

Toque

Gloves

Runners

Underwear

Rain ponchos

To do:

Decide on rendez-vous points both from home and from work

Find the emergency shelters near home and work, just in case

Plan routes to those points that account for disaster response routes which will be closed to peasants like you and me

Make maps for those points and include emergency contacts and have them laminated

If at home, close the natural gas line

Make copies of ID’s and medical cards and medical insurance

So I’m about halfway there. I really hope I never have to experience a major earthquake that would make these kits necessary, and I’d be lying if I didn’t consider hunting down cyanide tablets to put in my kits so I don’t have to witness the collapse of humanity in the lower mainland.