Maybe This IS for Me

“When a child is learning to walk and falls down 50 times, they never think to themselves ‘maybe this isn’t for me’.”

This resonates deeply with me, as my childhood indoctrination that shamed me to my core and taught me to fear failure like it was death, coupled with my Bipolar and Addict mind automatically going to the negative, informed my decisions for many years.

If I fell down a few times when trying something new (let alone 50 times), I would feel shamed, inadequate, and incompetent to the core of my being. And I would give up.

There were also untold times that my deeply internalized core beliefs (that I was incompetent and cowardly) prevented me from even trying to begin with.

After years of hard work, help from professionals and peers, AA, meds, the Higher Power of my understanding, and life forcing experiences upon me, I have become comfortable with who I am, with what I can do, and with my true limitations. And today, I am eager to try new things.

When something is difficult, I don’t usually give up easily anymore. And when I have tried long and hard enough at something new and can reasonably conclude that it is beyond my limitations, I am OK with it and I still love me.

This is one of the gifts of years of practicing a regimen to stay stable and spiritually fit. My internalized shame is usually over-shadowed by love and my negative self-talk and thinking have been replaced (much of the time) by CBT and affirmations.

I am super grateful for both. One day at a time.

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Published by Grizzled Bipolar Veteran: Jason Miller

50 plus years old. 43 years of the insane misery of untreated or under-treated Bipolar Disorder 2. Seven plus years of sane, sober, useful, and joyful living. Here to help fellow sufferers. I owe a debt. Paying it forward. God willing.
View all posts by Grizzled Bipolar Veteran: Jason Miller

Who We Are

50 plus years old. 43 years of the insane misery of untreated or under-treated Bipolar Disorder 2. Seven plus years of sane, sober, useful, and joyful living. Here to help fellow sufferers. I owe a debt. Paying it forward. God willing.