Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I notice it is difficult to post in the morning about the current day - since it has not happened yet.

Yesterday morning I exercised and later had to drive over to Judy's friend's house and pick up some Poo Potpourri. I didn't make a mistake typing that. It is some liquid stuff in a rather self-important bottle that you spray on the surface of the water in the toilet before attending to business. If you do that there is no odor. I'm not making this up.

I admit I was skeptical and laughed a lot. But I can be persuaded to change my mind in the whiff of good results. I gave one to the office because, well, the fellows needed it.

I wrote a couple of checks for insurance and taxes. Then I gave my son the gifts for him and his wife and kids. And my son-in-law arrived and I gave him their gifts. We're going to try and get together sometime this week. Everyone wants to see the new house. I hope next year we can perhaps host something for all of them at the new place.

After that the guys presented me with my Christmas gift, a Starbucks card. They didn't need to do that but I really appreciate them thinking of me.

It is nice to work with people you like. I had forgotten what it was like to socialize with fellow workers. It is a great blessing.

Then we all headed to lunch at this little hole-in-the-wall place down in Norman that has a kind of New Mexican food. Except that the ice and snow storms have delayed trucks from bringing supplies or so our server explained why the chips were not the ones I expected. Still it was pretty good food and a nice time for all of us (make that 4) to spend with each other before breaking for the holiday.

I stopped by my brother's and gave his kids their gifts and picked up a basket of stuff they'd gotten for Judy and me. We have more stuff for them but we'll do that later.

Then I stopped by the cemetery and visited my family that's there. I stood in the midst of the graves and thought about each one and read the markers and paid attention to the dates and calculated the ages. I walked over to mom's parent's place and did the same there. I thought about visiting others I know out there but decided I didn't have the heart to do it just then.

Some people do such an amazing job of decorating their loved ones' graves. There is this one plot where this family really goes beyond everyone else. There are decorations and wooden figures and all sorts of stuff.

Judy got flowers for her dad's grave and we drove by there the other day in the little blizzard. They looked really nice. I should have done something for all my folks I guess but I didn't. It's too late now. I always intend to do better with stuff like that but then I forget.

I drove to the new house and walked around inside and tested Judy's new key I had made for her.

There is something so lonely and depressing about an empty house. I knew that already from the time I've spent at dad's now empty house. But this empty house is different. Because its old owner is gone and I know where and why. And it is waiting on the new owner and I know who that is, too. I tried to see it with eyes of expectation and excitement but the loneliness pushed those thoughts aside.

Being alone didn't help.

By the time I arrived at home I was so lonely. It was as if the finality of dad's passing hit home all at once. I do not know if I've ever felt this lonely before. I am not given to loneliness. In fact I am rather an aloneness kind of guy. I think, too, that the feeling of being the head of the larger family weighed in. I know it did. I suddenly wondered if I could give anymore to anyone. Money, advice, time, emotional support, love - anything really - did I have anymore to give? I didn't just then.

A friend called and said he'd tried to call my dad's number and it was disconnected. He asked about dad. I had forgotten to call him and let him know. I felt awful that I had not called him and worse that I had to tell him then. He's been such a good friend of dad's and mine. We'll see each other later in the week and I'll take him to lunch.

Judy wasn't supposed to get me anything but she did. It's a very clever paperweight that looks just like a match. And a little sack of Russel Stover's candy. And a package of pencils that have my name on them. I didn't get her anything. I said "I didn't get you anything." She said "You're a big picture kind of guy. Besides you gave me a key to a new house." She's very sweet.

Sometime I fell asleep watching Mystery Diagnosis.

When I got in bed I was terribly depressed. I'm a little better this morning. I need to snap out of this.

I'm getting ready to go over to dad's and exercise. I look forward to that and it usually perks me up. I may go by Starbucks and try out my new card. Since there are people having to work there I kind of feel obligated to stop by and support them.

A lot of my posts mention Starbucks I notice. Going to have to work on that.

Praying right now for all my friends this day.

One good thing, among several, about not knowing what the rest of the day holds is that there is the possibility of excitement and expectation and warm greetings and good food. And sometime today I want to walk outside and feel the sun on my face.

This is the day the LORD has made;let us rejoice and be glad in it.Psalm 118:24 NIV