Getting Lost In The Irs Time Warp

Jim Spencer

All I wanted was a telephone number. I planned to call the local Internal Revenue Service office to make sure they had Publication 551 before I made a trip to the IRS to pick it up.

I needed this booklet in order to complete Form 2119, Sale of Your Home, in a timely fashion.

These days the IRS not only determines what special forms you must file with your tax return, it also tells you how long it should take you to fill them out. It was supposed to take me 46 minutes to gather the records for Form 2119, 10 minutes to learn about the form and 42 minutes to fill it in.

Things were going according to schedule until I had to figure the cost basis of my old house. I couldn't decide which improvements to include in the cost.

Then I read those magic words. "For further information, see Publication 551, Basis for Assets." I flipped to "Internal Revenue Service" in the blue pages of my phone book.

There was no local number, no local street address, just three long distance exchanges. I picked the first and dialed.

A woman answered.

"Hi," I said. "I need to go to the Newport News office to pick up a publication."

"Newport News, Va.?" asked the woman, puzzled. "We have no office in Newport News. In that area we only have offices in Norfolk and Hampton."

"Where's the Hampton office?" I asked.

"2017 Cunningham Drive, Suite 103," she said.

"Great," I said. "What's the phone number?"

"We don't give out any phone numbers," the tax lady said.

"But I want to make sure they have the publication I need before I drive all the way out there."

"We don't give out any phone numbers," said the woman, beginning to sound like a broken record.

I really wasn't surprised. There was no reason to expect a federal agency that didn't have its address in the local phone book to have an available phone number.

But the clock was running. So I dialed local directory assistance and asked for the Hampton IRS telephone number.

"The number is 786-3993," a computerized voice answered.

It was a toll call, which seemed strange, but I dialed anyway.

"Hello, consolidated labs," said a man's voice.

"Hi," I shot back cheerfully. "I need to know if you have any copies of Publication 551."

"No, I don't. You must be a taxpayer from Tidewater."

"I am."

"Well, you better call the operator and ask for a credit for your call."

"Why? Isn't this the IRS in Hampton?"

"No, it's the State of Virginia Consolidated Laboratories, gas division, in Richmond. We analyze gas for the state."

"I'm sorry. I must've dialed the wrong number."

"No," the man replied, "this has been going on for two years. My supervisor called the phone company about it, but they keep giving our number to people who ask for the IRS in Hampton. We've had dozens of phone calls in the last few weeks. Sometimes I feel like I ought to just go ahead and give people tax advice."

Maybe he should. The IRS is probably too busy figuring out how much time it should take to fill out forms to be bothered.