Whenever cooking slug, (I only ever cook disloyal slugs), make sure it's fresh and cooked immediately after guillotine. I however, seemed to have forgotten this and when munching on my grilled slug my face slowly turned as green as a cabbage then as purple as somebody else's cabbage before swelling up. I quickly dashed to the lavatory and emptied my bowels. The slug I had chosen to cook had been resting beheaded for a good few hours under the sun... Sun-dried slug is not as good as sun-dried tomatoes.

Four days later, after lots of sweating and more trips to the loo, my slugs finally got me back on my feet and back to peak condition. Mr Snazzy didn't suffer too much either, thankfully. Though he was most cross with me for eating that spoiled slug. Let this be a lesson to all of you!