The Movie Spew: Lars Von Trier Will Never Speak Again

Danish director Lars Von Trier has been known for courting
controversy at the Cannes Film Festival since the start of his career in the
'80s. Every feature film he ever made premiered at Cannes and the mischievous
filmmaker always made some sort of outrageous statement at his premiere or
press conference to stir up publicity. It was always in good fun and with a
wink to the crowd.

However, this year the guy went too far when trying to make
a joke about his tyrannical reputation. He claimed to sympathize with Hitler
and while there’s no denying that the joke was in bad taste, it was a joke
nonetheless and one that he admitted had perhaps gone a bit too far while
saying it. Unfortunately, Cannes is an international hotspot for press and now
that he works with American movie stars like Kirsten Dunst the guy gets a lot
of attention. Von Trier’s poorly timed joke sparked the most intense
controversy of his career and rather suddenly he found himself banned from
Cannes.

That’s not the end of the story either. Apparently the
French police force and government officials took the matter even more
seriously than the press, leading Von Trier to release the following statement:

Today at 2pm I was questioned by the Police of North
Zealand in connection with charges made by the prosecution of Grasse in France
from August 2011 regarding a possible violation of prohibition in French law
against justification of war crimes.

The investigation covers comments made during the
press conference in Cannes in May 2011. Due to these serious accusations I have
realized that I do not possess the skills to express myself unequivocally and I
have therefore decided from this day forth to refrain from all public
statements and interviews.

Now, I won’t pretend what Von Trier said back in Cannes
wasn’t a little out of line; however, a police investigation for what was little
more than a bad joke seems like a bit much. Von Trier should be free to say
whatever he wants like any other human being and the fact that he will never
speak in public again is ridiculous. He’s not a Nazi sympathizer, he’s a
filmmaker, and if artists, of all people, aren’t allowed to express themselves
freely, then who is? Let’s just hope he doesn’t stop making movies as well.

The Next James Bond Movie Gets a Title

The next James Bond movie is currently rolling right along,
promising to return Daniel Craig to his ass-kicking ways and placing him in a
story that actually makes sense unlike, say, Quantum Of Solace. This time Oscar-winning director Sam Mendes (American
Beauty) will be behind the camera for
reasons best known to himself and the official title was revealed
today.

The next James Bond movie will be called — wait for it — Skyfall. Yep, I’m not sure what that means either but at
least it’s got an action movie punch to it. Unlike the ridiculous title of the
last movie, it’s the kind of title that will roll off the tongue of a gravelly
voiceover artist smoothly on the trailer.

Nothing has been revealed about the
story just yet, but I’ve got a feeling that Bond is going to foil an
international world domination plot and hook up with a lovely lady. I’ll bet he
even gets a couple of fancy spy gadgets along the way. Don’t ask me how I know
these things, I just do.

The Simpsons Is Coming to a Close

Finally, this isn’t really movie news, but it is the death of
a cultural touchstone and impossible to ignore. After 23 groundbreaking years
on television, it appears that The Simpsons
will be closing up shop.

The voice cast is currently in the middle of tense
contract negotiations with FOX and it seems like the studio is officially
giving up. A FOX executive recently released a statement claiming
that The Simpsons is no longer profitable for the network (come on, give me a
f***ing break!) and unless the voice cast agrees to cut their salary in half and
give up their merchandising rights, the show will be sent out to pasture. That
seems unlikely, but even if they agree to do that, it will only extend the
series to one more final season. The actors have until tomorrow to respond and
if they decline the new terms, this season of The Simpsons will be the last.

It’s a bit of a shock to be sure,
especially since the show was only two years away from a 25-year run, which
would seem like a nice round number to end it all on. Nothing is official yet,
but it looks like The Simpsons
will die out over the next couple of years. The show hasn’t been at its best
for a few years now, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, it’ll
definitely be the end of an era.

Fortunately die-hard Simpsons fans out there can guarantee that the series will
live on in re-runs for decades. FOX is even discussing launching a
24-hour-a-day all-Simpsons
channel after the current syndication deals expire, so you’ll always have
something to watch. Let’s just hope that the Simpsons writing staff has a chance to pull together an
appropriately epic series finale. It’s going to be one of the highest viewed
events in television history, so hopefully they’ll end it right.

Phil Brown was born years ago. He then grew up, went to university, and now reviews movies, interviews people and writes comedy. He writes for a number of websites and publications including the one you are currently reading. Phil can be found haunting movie theatres around Toronto. He isn't dangerous,…