It’s the first Porno Switcheroo of 2012! For those of you just joining us, a Porno Switcheroo is what happens anytime that someone thinks they are about to watch a movie or video clip, whether in a civics lesson in a high school, or as part of a Powerpoint presentation at the BIG MEETING, and porno plays instead. Often children–poor, impressionable, sad children who should never have to ask any questions about the world they live in, or come to any honest and realistic understanding of what sex is–are involved, but not always. When this happens, it is dutifully entered here, into the Porno Switcheroo Archives, our nation’s best protected and most extensive research facility for Porno Switcheroos. Personally, my favorite Porno Switcheroos are when the stakes are unrealistically high, like a teacher whose job is now on the line (see: those broken, ruined children), or a priest who is going to have a lot of explaining to do to God when he gets to heaven about a) where the porno came from and b) why he was showing a clip from Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel’s Life as We Know It in the first place. But today’s Porno Switcheroo is still a pretty good one, when a father attempts to show a group of children The Smurfs at his child’s birthday party and ended up showing them a very different movie indeed. From AZcentral:

Tremonton Police Chief Dave Nance tells the Standard-Examiner of Ogden the man had rented a copy of “The Smurfs” from a Redbox kiosk and loaded the disc into his laptop. But when he turned the projector on for the children, the pornographic images flashed on the screen. Authorities got involved when the father complained somebody had tampered with the DVD. Police found nothing wrong, saying the porn was probably on the laptop.

Nance says officials aren’t pursuing charges because the incident was apparently an accident.

“The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard.

On the one hand, there are a lot of missing details here that we’d obviously love to have for a complete accounting of what happened. Like, was the “child” a boy or a girl? (If it please the court, this would determine whether or not the birthday party was made up primarily of little boys or little girls, which would help America decide how OUTRAGED to be about these destroyed, unrecoverable children who are now forever lost.) On the other hand, how great is it that as with any Classic Porn Switcheroo, the person responsible blames the computer when it was clearly just their porno buried in a misnamed folder within a misnamed folder within a misnamed folder. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Always the best. “This DVD is broken! Or it’s the computer. Or maybe the porn came in through the power cord. Help! Police! Someone SHOOT THIS COMPUTER!” We will continue to research and compile all of the Porno Switcheroos. For science!

“The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard. (Thanks for the tip, Dave.)

My brain is desperately searching for a Gargamel pun, but nothings coming out. Instead, please accept my apology and a promise that two weeks from now, I will have finally put together a great Garganel porn joke.

My guess is that it was an unofficial version of the dvd. My friends have a Star Trek box set that is made to look all licensed like the official box set, but it’s clearly a modified version — some dvds don’t play in some players but to in others; sometimes the disc reads like it some other movie or show but plays Star Trek. The important thing here is that the first time they tried to play Encounter at Farpoint, it flashed porn first, and hasn’t done so since. But by then, they’d seen everything.

The first time I ever saw porn I was about 10 at a sleepover and we found my friend’s older brother’s copy of the Dukes of Hazzard and I was like “My dad talks about this show all the time, let’s watch it!” and it was definitely a pornographic film. I was so embarrassed that I never ended up watching the movie with Jessica Simpson when it came out, though, so I guess I won that battle in the end.

Most Viewed

The Doors are part of a very specific category of classic-rock artists: the gateway artists. The bands that — assuming you weren’t around in the ’60s — are amongst the first names you explore when you start digging into pop music’s past. Though keyboardist Ray Manzarek, guitarist Robby Krieger, and drummer John Densmore were all… More »

Last night, U2 played the seventh night of an eight-night stand at Madison Square Garden. (Our own young classic rocker Ryan Leas reviewed one of those shows earlier in the week.) And at last night’s show, the band introduced a few special local guests. There was New York royalty Paul Simon, who came out to… More »

After reportedly showing up half an hour late, rapper Travi$ Scott got his Lollapalooza set shut down after only 5 minutes by encouraging fans to jump the security barrier and rush the stage. Festival organizers deemed the resulting chaos to be unsafe and shut the whole thing down, with security forcibly removing Scott from the… More »

Eminem is a pretty fit dude — for a while, he was even attached to star in Antoine Fuqua’s new boxing movie Southpaw. So how does Eminem stay a pretty fit dude? By working out compulsively. And in a new article on Men’s Journal, the rapper details his compulsive exercise regimen. “In the early days,”… More »

Morrissey often uses his True To You website to write about cases of what he considers to be societal injustice, as he did in the recent post blasting the killer of Cecil the lion. But as Pitchfork points out, Morrissey’s latest post for the site details a much more personal violation. Morrissey writes that, a… More »

Lollapalooza takes place this weekend in Chicago, and most of the sets from the festival will be livestreaming via Red Bull TV in case you can’t (or don’t want to) leave the comfort of your own home. Some of the acts performing this weekend include Paul McCartney (with a highlights-only set streaming), Metallica, the Weeknd,… More »

Superproducer Mark Ronson stopped by for a live in-studio session at Australian radio station Triple J today. As usual, he assembled a crack team of musicians to back him up, including Tame Impala’s Kevin Parker and Kirin J. Callinan on guitar. The band performed a great psyched-out cover of Queens Of The Stone Age’s “I… More »

Drake has already released not one but two diss tracks in response to Meek Mill’s ghostwriting allegations. After Funkmaster Flex promised a Meek response track Monday night on Hot 97 and failed to deliver, people were pissed, and everyone began to wonder if this mega-beef were already over. But no — the soap opera continues! More »