How ENFJs Can Spot INFPs

“I don't think I have met INFP, at least not been aware of it. So what to look out for, how do you recognize them?” – Jacob L.

Hmm... good question, Jacob.

We don't always seem like an introvert, because we can be good conversationalists if we trust you, and I suspect that ENFJs in particular seem to draw us out pretty well by simply being themselves. We also often have a knack for acting and tend to be creative or at least unique. We can even be charming, although not necessarily intentionally. But we lack social stamina, and prefer intimate friendships to casual ones.

Healthy INFPs generally have an enjoyably calming influence on those around them, and will be usually seen as relaxed, unshakable, agreeable, non-judgmental, and pleasant. However, if something they care deeply about is touched, you may see them swiftly transform into an unexpectedly intense advocate for it.* If you know them more than superficially, you will also realize they are far from unflappable despite seeming so exteriorly cool headed and philosophical. The reality is that their inner life is passionate and profound behind the exterior curtain of reserve that conceals it.

INTERACTIONS BETWEEN ENFJ AND INFPIn my personal experience, ENFJs and INFPs can experience a swift but misleadingly strong connection when they first converse at length. Our personalities mirror each other so we can "get" each other on a deep level quite quickly. We fit together like puzzle pieces. Both of our personalities are dominated by our Feeling preference with Intuition as its righthand man, etc. But because our mental preferences are reversed with regards to introversion and extraversion, assumptions that the other person views our interactions exactly as we do can lead to an escalating series of misunderstandings that can kill a relationship.

For example, if an ENFJ deeply loves someone they will show it by sharing from the innermost self, which is something they rarely do. In contrast, an INFP will share emotional intimacy far more in their lives because intimate friendships are their preferred way to socialize. So an ENFJ's self-revelation won't be properly appreciated by an INFP as the sign of singular love that it is unless it is explained to them, and an ENFJ might interpret an INFP's intimate sharing as a sign of romantic love when it might just signify close friendship.

The most famous fictional INFPs may be heroine Anne of Green Gables (above), portrayed by actress Megan Follows, and the 10th incarnation of science fiction hero Doctor Who, portrayed by actor David Tennant (below). A third famous fictional INFP is Marvel super-hero Spider-man and his alter ego Peter Parker (further below).

A related example: when an ENFJ makes an INFP feel like the center of the universe and/or flirts, an INFP will probably see that as a sign that the ENFJ is in love. Whereas in reality an ENFJ often acts that way with many people, which will initially be upsetting for the INFP to see if they have fallen for the ENFJ. Whereas if an INFP routinely behaves that same way with someone, it probably means they're in love with that person.

A third example, an ENFJ will not initially realize how critical an INFP is for a while. Due to the dominance of Introverted Feeling, INFPs constantly compare experiences and situations with internal ideals and values. When an ENFJ realizes this they may become troubled and paranoid about how the INFP may be judging them. What the ENFJ doesn't realize is that INFPs do not consider their judgments to be definitive, seldom voice them aloud, and realize people aren't perfect. An INFP is generally patient and tolerant with imperfection, and excels at genuinely loving someone or something despite any faults. Even enemies are not necessarily beyond compassion.*

CONCLUSIONINFPs are supposedly the most romantic and altruistic MBTI personality type of all, but our hardcore dreamy idealism comes at a price. We meet much misunderstanding and distrust because others think that "real" people aren't like us. Among the different personality types, we also tend to have the lowest incomes, change jobs more often, struggle most with social anxiety and assertiveness, and have the greatest chance of never marrying. But despite all this we have much to offer and willingly sacrifice ourselves to do so regardless of whether we're appreciated for it.

FOOTNOTE*Like ENFJ, INFP care about others and want to preserve harmony. However if an INFP feels her values or ideals are under attack, she can be steadfast, even stubborn, in defending her convictions regardless of how inwardly uncomfortable and unhappy she is with conflict and how shy she may otherwise be with those who are not close friends. Likewise, if pressured to share an unfavorable opinion despite trying to avoid doing so, an INFP will do so honestly rather than be inauthentic or fake. Being true to self is extremely important to an INFP.

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RELATED COMMENTS

Ian W. (INFP):as an infp, married to an enfj for 14 happy years, i can agree with 99% of above . . . :)September 1 at 6:04pm

Laura C. (ENFJ):My darling INFP or my Protester and Protector as I call him...wow he is so deep, loving and sweet to those few he lets close. He explodes like a nuke when his ideals - especially when it comes to those he loves - are violated. He truly wants people to do the right thing for themselves and if they won't he will let them know IMMEDIATELY. He has always been a protestor, he cannot stand inequity. So very passionate yet spends most of his time in his own head. He describes his mind as going 3 speeds faster than the rest of us - and not in a condescending way...but in a way that he wishes he could slow it down sometimes. He feels like he's burning up. I tend to have a HUGE calming affect just standing next to him. I don't even have to speak. It's crazy. We met before I knew (and he knew) my type and we were instantly strongly attracted. We have never been apart since. I have never ever called anyone my soulmate, but he is. When people use the term "still waters run deep" it describes him perfectly.Monday, September 12, 2011 at 11:44pmLaura C. (ENFJ):My INFP is quiet, hyper observant and won't speak unless he REALLY has something to say. He's not an idle conversationalist. Sometimes they appear as stand offish and aloof. In fact when I first met him I reached out and touched his arm and said something funny and he looked like he was caught somewhere between touched and about to pull his claws out and attack. Slowly over the next 3 hours he came out of his shell, but he was always watching, always processing. Once he came out of his shell the conversation flowed like water. He told me immediately he like me and could we hang out again? At the time he knew he was an INFP but I had no idea about this system, had no idea who I was especially in relation to him. He told me he felt like "no one understood him and he was hard to get along with"...to which I responded in shock and said NO WAY. "I completely get you". We have been inseparable for over 8 months. I've never met anyone like him. When we are in close proximity to each other we also have a calming affect on each other. You can just feel it. I know that sounds odd but when you run across one you can feel them. Their inward intense hurricane almost knocks you off your feet without saying a word.Tuesday, September 13, 2011 at 1:38am

Jennifer F. (ENFJ):my boo bear is an infp its cool because we usually dont have to really talk about something, we come to the same conclusions just through different ways, and can easily articulate usually to other people what the other wants to saySaturday, October 8, 2011 about 2am

Laura C. (ENFJ):Jennifer: have you ever said something (just completely off topic...no cues would make think it...it's just like I hear a voice in my head) and it's EXACTLY what your INFP is thinking? I've done this to my INFP 4 or 5 times now and it freaks the both of us out.Saturday, October 8, 2011 about 2am

Jennifer F. (ENFJ)never really too off topic...im usually reminded of something that starts me on a rabbit trail. to an outsider to the conversation it will seem like its off topic but to my infp and i, he understands.Saturday, October 8, 2011 about noon

Jennifer F. (ENFJ):as far as spotting an infp goes.... im just very drawn to them. i have three very close girlfriends all whom are infps. and when i met vincent i was instantly attracted to him. there was just something about the way he held himself, or moved, in small gestures that captured my eye. and as i got to know him better the more i liked him. i think infp are not so hard to find. the are the prince or princesses of most storys even if they want to be something else.Saturday, October 8, 2011 at 4:39pm

Iman W. (INFP):this is weird how can so many people from so many cultures and backgrounds have so much similarity! when you descibed the INFP, I wished that any one in real life, even my closest family members would understand that well!Saturday, October 8, 2011 at 6:03pm

Tony T. (ENFJ):My friend J. is an INFP and WOW her voice and demeanor is very soothing!!!Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 12:21pm

Suzy T. (ENFJ):Brilliant very well written x i have one infp friend that i havent seen for 10 years but i still consider her one of my truest friends for the reasons youve covered between an enfj and an infp xWednesday, February 6, 2013 at 12:47pm

Suzy T. (ENFJ):From personal experience, as an enfj, i find outbursts of seemingly confused, intuitive thinking and catastrophysing (if thats a word!!) from an infp a bit irritating / difficult; i presume because i would do that.only with a carefully selected individual i completely trusted, not with a collection of people who may think negatively of me from my outburst x just a thought from my perspective :)Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 2:10pm