Divorce is always a stressful upsetting time in any person life, but an agreed divorce can make it easier on everyone involved. But it does not need to be as nasty as so many are if you follow a few simple rules. The most important things to remember when trying to divorce amicably and by agreement are that you need to find common ground, respect each other, and work towards a solution—together. Only an attorney skilled in divorce can give you a true idea of whether your situation can be worked out amicably.

Finding Common Ground to Have an Agreed Divorce

This is not easy to do for many people because of the simple fact that the two of you no longer agree on many core issues which is the reason you two are getting divorced to begin with. But, finding common ground is where you both can benefit across all aspects of your divorce, compromise is important. An agreed divorce only happens when both parties decide to put down their swords and work together to end their marriage amicably.

Many couples may have accumulated marital property that needs to be divided between the parties. Allowing your spouse to make a list of the property that they believe they should walk away with and why. When multiple pieces of property overlap on each spouses spreadsheet, a good approach is to attempt trading properties like you would if you were playing Monopoly. Being the first to give often shows your spouse you are willing to compromise and will help get them to compromise in return. Compromise is an essential part of having an agreed divorce work for you and your spouse.

When it comes to children, each party needs to tread carefully. Deciding what is best for your children and not what you necessarily want (if they are different things) is the way to approach this issue. Keep in mind that just because your spouse might end up as the custodial/residential parent does not mean that you won’t be able to see your kids close to 50% of the time! Staying calm through these discussions is essential.

Getting an Agreed Divorce Requires Mutual Respect

No one said it better than Aretha—R-E-S-P-E-C-T; but this is the most important thing to keep in mind when divorcing by agreement. By showing your spouse respect for their wishes and needs regarding the divorce (even though you may no longer respect them) takes the fight out of the divorce process, oftentimes allowing you to work together towards a common goal. Remember that both of you are hurting, and respect the process that you are going through as well as each other’s feelings.

Agreed Divorce Means Working Together – One Last time

Chances are if you were married, you’ve worked together with your spouse on any number of issues from raising a child to purchasing property or real estate. This is one more time you need to work together and leave the relationship on a positive note, even though the marriage is ending. If attempting to have an agreed divorce, working together means combining all the tools that life has given you: strength, resolve, and most important, compromise. One thing we often hear from couples that have divorced by agreement is that, even though the relationship is over, they were able to go out by working together for the benefit of each other, and that’s a positive result. an agreed, or no fault divorce, is possible if you work hard towards the common goal of splitting up without going after each others jugulars.

By following these steps, you can work towards divorcing by agreement. Don’t think this means that you don’t need any family law help because you are attempting to have an agreed divorce—there is no substitute for an experienced attorney. But, these tips could save you time, money and heartache, and help you move on to the next rewarding chapter in your life.

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About the Author

Nicholas Baker is a practicing family law attorney with over a decade of experience handling divorce, child custody, child support, and domestic violence matters in the courtroom. Attorney Nicholas Baker believes in providing family law information for individuals so that they can make an informed decision about their own family law matter.

18 Comments

Is it wrong that he refuses to sign the papers? He says that if I try to divorce him, he wont sign and now he wont answer his phone when I call or text.What do i do? I don’t have a lot of money, and an agreed divorce will save me money, right?

Yes, an agreed divorce will save you money, but if he is unwilling to discuss the terms with you, it makes for a difficult situation. sometimes, you just need a lawyer to send out the papers and show him that you mean business. Most of the time, when he sees that are willing to play hardball, he will agree to settle all the issues and sign the papers. Speak to one of our professionals who can provide you with the agreed divorce help you need.

I wanted to have my husband sign the papers I got from an online place that only charged me $299 to prepare all the papers. He wouldn’t sign because he said that they were confusing and didn’t make sense, I think I got ripped off, and now I just need the right divorce help to get this over with.

Yes, there are many online divorce companies that take advantage of people like you and it is wrong of them to do so. working with an attorney to handle an agreed divorce is the only route we recommend because things will be done the right way. Many times, when people try to save money, it ends up blowing up in their face and then an agreed divorce isn’t even possible. One of our associates is happy to help, just give us a call!

Yes, you can get an agreed divorce in New York. In fact, the process is relatively quick compared to other states thanks to changes in the divorce law in 2010 that allow no fault, or agreed divorces to take place. You only need to be separated for 6-months to divorce on no-fault ground in New York. Our team is full of expert New York divorce attorneys and we are glad to help save you money on your agreed divorce.

I want to have an agreed divorce. Is this the same as a no fault divorce if I live in Fresno California? I have tried to talking to my husband, we have been separated for over 4 years now, and its time to end it and move on, especially because my new boyfriend wants to get engaged, but he wont do it until I am divorced. Neither my husband or me had any property, so I figure it should be easy to get an agreed divorce this way, is this right?

Getting an attorney to provide you with agreed divorce help is probably the best thing to do in this instance. Because you have no property and no kids and have been separated for this long, the agreed divorce process (or no fault divorce – yes, they are the same thing), should not be too big of a problem. Have your attorney prepare the docs and things can be done quickly – you will also save money by avoiding a fight, so be very nice to your spouse so that he signs the papers. Good luck.

Unfortunately, if you want an agreed divorce, you need to forget about the cheating and focus on just moving on. Most states do not even deal with proving ground like adultery anymore. Trust us, forget about it, move on, and live well – that is the best revenge.

Another important thing to consider is this: what will it accomplish you to try to prove that she cheated on you? More likely than not, it will just cost you thousands of dollars, a year plus of time in court, and force you to relive the awful experience when you subpoena people that were involved to be witnesses in court at your divorce trial It is not worth it. Get the agreed divorce help you need and move on to new more rewarding chapter in your life.

If i want an uncontested divorce in chicago, will lawyers still charge me the full retainer? my husband and i have no kids, no property and already have been separated for over 3 years. Is an agreed divorce affordable for me?

Well, Stephanie, it depends. Many agreed divorce or uncontested divorce attorneys will work with you to see if your divorce can actually proceed as an uncontested matter. Your best bet is to actually speak with one, and that is easy to do if you fill out the form on the side of this page. An attorney will generally lower their fee if you are able to immediately have both spouses sign off on all the paperwork right away because it saves them hours of work. Contact a Chicago uncontested divorce attorney right now and find out what they can do for you!

My experience is that most attorneys will not charge as much if it is an agreed divorce because it will only take them a few hours to put together everything and then go to court with you only once. My cousin did this and it only cost him $1500 in cook county illinois last year. I have the same issue and am looking for some help as well. I’m glad I found this page and will be calling in, but I though I should share what I know as well.

That is 100% correct. Most attorneys will charge a lower flat rate for agreed divorce help. Our team generally charges 30%-50% less for an agreed divorce, so yes, it can save you a lot of money if you can work things out amicably.

I am currently working with a divorce lawyer found on this site. I follow the steps provided for agreed divorce and couldn’t be happier with the results. We’re going to save thousands of dollars, and the hate we had for each other is gone. Starting a new chapter in life feels good.

Peter, we’re thrilled you found the help you needed on our site! And everything you wrote is 100% correct. Leaving the relationship on a positive note is one of the most important things you can do, and cooperating and working hand in hand with your spouse helps you let go of the pain and move on to the next phase of your life in positive manner. Good luck!

I am so happy to hear about your experience thus far. I wish the two of you continued success and happiness as you work together one last time to move on in life. Good for you both, we are so happy to have been a part of your positive experience.

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