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Sunday, December 16, 2012

Disposable friends - would you like some?

One of the challenges
of moving to a new place, especially a new country, is that you have
to start from scratch with making friends. I have found this hasn't
been too difficult in the past because I have met people through my
children - at school, play groups, Saturday sports and so on. But
with my move to Canberra, and being on my own, I am having to make a
determined effort to get out and meet people.

I have found the most
successful way of meeting people in Canberra has been via the
Internet. There are two main
places I go to that help me get out and about. The first place is
HerCanberra, which is led by Amanda Whitley, based around a blog,
as well as Facebook and Twitter. It caters for women, although I am
sure there are topics that men would be interested in. Not only does
HerCanberra spread the news of local events and places of interest in
Canberra, but it organises F2F events.

This week I am going to
my second evening dinner organised by HerCanberra. I am really
looking forward to it because Amanda has told us we must all get dressed
up. So I'm excited about wearing a new outfit which I have just bought, although I am stressing about what bling to wear with it,
which is a whole other story.

My first HerCanberra
evening dinner in November was great fun....probably because I drank
a little too much wine! My only critique, as such, was that the age
range was a tad too young for me. The women who attended were in their
late 20s and 30s. They are more interested in their young kids, and I
spent all evening hearing their birth stories, once I made the mistake
of admitting I am a midwife. But at the same time, it was a good
thing in my new role at the Australian College of Midwives, to hear about
the issues that face birthing women in Canberra and Australia.

The second site I am
finding to be a great resource is Meetup.Com. This online movement
started off in the USA after 911, as a way of bringing people
together, who don't necessarily want to find romantic
partners, but are interested in meeting people they can hang out
with and share interests. This movement seems to be very successful
in Canberra with any number of interests groups – apparently, this
is because the population is so transient, so people need a quick and
effective to find out what's going on.

I have been to a couple
of general meet-ups at the pub but don't particularly enjoy them. It
feels a little weird going to the pub by myself, and I feel just a
tad vulnerable in a large, mixed-gender group. However, I have also
joined some smaller groups, such as the Canberra Movie Goers and
Canberra Bloggers, and been to a few events and really enjoyed
myself. I have met some great people...shared interesting
conversations...and had fun. And at the end of each event, gone home
feeling great about myself, but at the end of the day, have no ties
or expectations to bog me down.

What it has got me
thinking about is...does groups like Meetup.com allow us to do away
with the concept of friendship, or make it more of a disposable
commodity? Think about yourself...why do you have friends? For
company...to go to events...share interests...and so on. But there is
a downside to friendship. It has to be maintained, which means work.
Friends can demand time from you...make expectations of you...cost
you money. Friendship can turn nasty...friends can use and betray
you.

Sarah Stewart

Welcome to my blog which is a mix of talk about midwifery, teaching and learning, social networking, gardening and anything else that takes my fancy. My views are my own and not necessarily of my employer, the Australian College of Midwives. I am always really interested to hear your thoughts and feedback, so please feel free to leave a comment at any time.