Single Dating Dilemma: Is He Into You or Just Playing Around?

We’ve ALL been there … wondering if they like you or not. Sitting anxiously awaiting some sort of contact from them. Something, Anything. Anything at all! Then, days go by and nothing. Maybe they do contact you after causing you days or weeks of agony and then give you some attention … then … back to nothing … hot and cold, pushing and pulling. It almost seems unfair. Especially if you really really like them. You try to forget them but you can’t. You just HAVE to know … you can’t keep waiting … so what do you do with this single dating dilemma? Is he into you or not? Well, let’s look at this a little closer.

Single Dating Dilemma: Is He Into You or Not?

I had to go through this very thing more than once. I meet someone I really like, and, they seemingly like me too. But, after much reflection I realized when they were into me and when they weren’t. There were definitely “tell tale” signs. So what were these signs that helped me, and will help you realize if “is he into you or not”? I am going to let you in on my little secrets!

He hasn’t asked you out on an actual date – into you or not?

Well, that seems pretty obvious, right? Not always. If you hang out with him as friends or with groups of people and he hasn’t actually asked you on an “official” date for just the two of you then you might have to think twice about how he feels. He might be nervous, or he might not feel the same.

What to do: If you find yourself asking “Does He Like Me or Is He Just Being Friendly?” then you need to make the move and ask him out. I know it’s unconventional but bring up a movie or event you think you both would enjoy and ask him to join you. It’s really simpler than you might think. You can do it! If he says no, then you have your answer. Simple as that.

He doesn’t contact you frequently – into you or not?

This is a big one! When someone likes you they will think of you often and when they think of you often they will contact you. Plain. Simple. You will NOT have to sit by the phone and wait. You will not have to wonder. Now, you do have to be realistic about your expectations as well, people are busy and we’re all adults with real lives, but if when you do have contact they need to make it a real worthwhile and meaningful conversation. When I am seeing someone I expect daily contact, even if it’s just a “check in”, but if I meet someone new my expectation is at least a couple times a week.

What to do: Make the move, send them a message or call them. If they don’t engage in an actual conversation or send you one word texts then let it go. If you’re texting make sure they have the last word and don’t text them back. That will make them wonder why you didn’t reply and they will contact you eventually. Hopefully, by that time you won’t care and you’ll have found someone better.

He is secretive – into you or not?

If you are dating someone new and don’t know anything about their life outside of the time you are not together, then you should wonder. I don’t mean be suspicious and paranoid, not at all, but you should have some idea about what’s they’re up to. They need to share their life with you, their ups and downs. That’s what a relationship is all about, supporting each other and when you’re building a new relationship this is just as important because it builds a connection and trust.

What to do: Talk to him and express your feelings. Don’t accuse him of anything, just mention that he is important to you and you would like to play a bigger part of his life. Show interest in him and his activities. When he does tell you something, listen and be engaging, ask questions.

You feel something is “off” – into you or not?

Your good old gut will never steer you wrong. If you feel something is “off” then something is “off”. Plain. Simple.

What to do: Listen to your gut. Make decisions based on logic and your gut instincts.

He only contacts you when he “needs” you for s*x or emotional support – into you or not?

If you only hear from him when he needs something from you then he isn’t into you sorry to say. He is into that temporary fix that you give him. He knows you will answer when he calls and relies on that. He knows he doesn’t need to commit because he has you anyway. If doesn’t ask you to do anything meaningful, or call you to have a normal conversation and see how you are, or even be there for you when YOU need HIM then you have your answer. He is using you, even if you don’t feel like you’re being used, you are.

What to do: Put your foot down and say “NO”. You need to have self respect and not be a doormat. Trust me I’ve been there and I’ve been the “go to” person for someone’s physical, emotional and mental needs … when THEY needed me and because of our connection and what they meant to me I couldn’t say no, let’s just say it wasn’t healthy. Until I realized that I needed to ask “what’s in it for me?” in every liaison I have, I couldn’t be true to myself. The same goes for you. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself first.

He’s not committing – into you or not?

If you’ve been dating someone for some time, and it’s stayed casual, you need to ask yourself why? If you enjoy each other’s company and your feelings are growing, the next logical step would be to commit. Now I’m not saying marriage but some long term arrangement that means you are exclusive. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time.

What to do: I read something recently from David Wygant that I think is very relevant here, he said that if you’re in this situation, this is what you must do: “Be upfront… Especially if you’re having doubts about how serious he is. Be honest and open, but just don’t’ sound needy or desperate. I’d sit him down and say something like…“I’m having an amazing time dating you. I care about you a lot, and I’m excited about spending the future with you. But I need to know how you feel about it, because I don’t want to waste my time with a man who has no intention of settling down.” Essentially, he said that this is an “all or nothing” type of conversation but it will get you what you want or send him running for the hills, either way it’s a win-win situation. You won’t waste anymore time than necessary.

There are lots of signs but really, you will know if he is into you. It’s not very hard to tell. If you have to think about it or ask then chances are he’s not. It took me a while to get there too, to realize this. When you meet someone who is really into you you will see the difference. It’s pretty obvious actually. That’s what you deserve … if someone is making you feel anxious and nervous and unsure then you know what? They aren’t the right person for you. You deserve better. Plain. Simple.

Readers, what do you think? How would you deal with this single dating dilemma? Is he into you or not? How do you REALLY know? I would love to read your thoughts in the comments!