Show those motherf*ckers you're serious!™

August 01, 2005

Ask a Judge Roberts!

There is, perhaps, no greater addition to a politician's arsenal of ways to tastefully ignore his constituents than email. At least a diligent citizen can stuff a handful of anthrax in a physical letter when he wishes to underline his point--the worst that can be transmitted via email is a computer virus, which one suspects the average US elected official, always concerned to get the best deals on Viagra or the sweetest cuts on Nigerian bank transfers, already possesses in spades.

The latest act in this political sideshow is the Senate Democrats' Ask John Roberts page. The idea is that YOU, the lowly netizen, can ask some intern to ask some staffer to ask some Senator to ask John Roberts a question! How antidisenfranchising! Of course we at ReverseVoteSwap.org are inclined to believe that by the time a serious question makes it up that totem pole, your "why the hell did you let the fucking cops get away with handcuffing a little girl for eating a french fry on the subway?" will become something like "I think I love you, so what are you so afraid of?"

But let it not be said that RVS.org looks askance at any opportunity for political dialogue, even the most sub-stupid. We enthusiastically encourage our loyal readers to submit questions for Roberts to the Senate Dems--and we've even provided some samples below!

Ask a Judge Roberts!

Dear Judge Roberts:
What would you and the Republicans do if the Democrats weren't the sort of spineless losers who have already more or less agreed to confirm you without a fight, as evidenced by the sorry-ass website to which I am currently posting?

Dear Judge Roberts:
I have three related questions.

Who's your housekeeper?

And what you keep in your house?

What about diamonds and gold, is that what you keep in your mouf?

Dear Judge Roberts:
On a scale of 8 to 10, how gay would you say you are?

Dear Judge Roberts:
Your son was photographed performing a charming dance during your announcement of your nomination to the Supreme Court. Would deadly force be justifiable in this situation, or is mere tazing adequate?

Dear Judge Roberts:
What if Kitty Dukakis were raped and murdered? Wouldn't that be crazy???

Dear Judge Roberts:
Assuming such a threshold exists, how much worse than you will it have to get before the Democrats do something?

Dear Judge Roberts:
How is it that you manage to perch what appears to be an Oriental small-clawed otter so stably on your obviously hairless pate? Also, does this make your head legally a protected habitat?