I hope 2018 is off to a great start for you! I came across some an interesting surveys showing that over 80% of new year resolutions fail by February! That's crazy, as for every 4 out of 5 people, they might as well of not bothered wasting their time. The reason I word it like that is because it's very important to realise life is not about making a token, forced small commitment one time every year, but rather knowing what we want and being committed to doing whatever it takes (without hurting others) to make it a reality. That is THE only way we create the type of future we dream about. We cannot reasonably expect to manifest this kind of idyllic future setting half a**ed goals once every 12 months...and this is one of the key reasons why so many people have huge regrets later in life.

Make a resolution to yourself every single day, not waiting for a new year to do so. Reaffirm every day what it is you’re desires and goals are in life, add new ones as they arise, change previous ones as you grow and succeed.

Are you looking to take your results to the next level? If so, there is no time like the present to act and I'd love to hear from you so we can speak about how to achieve this. For ALL OF JANUARY, I am offering a limited amount of FREE 30 minute consultations AND 25% OFF PERSONAL 1-2-1 COACHING too (the discount will last the duration of the whole coaching relationship). Why wait until next year, or even next month to start progressing towards the life you want? We have a limited amount of time on this amazing planet...let's make the absolute most of it!

I found this video that is based on studies analysing the effect of human emotion on water molecules (bear in mind humans are composed of up to 60% water overall (including bones)).

When subject to positive emotions (and words that invoke positive feelings) water molecules change into beautifully shaped structures. However when subject to negative emotions or words, the molecules morph into jarring, chaotic shapes.

I find this study absolutely fascinating! Given how much of our bodies are water, imagine just how massive the effect that being surrounded by and/or harbouring lots of negative thoughts and emotions can have on us! The sheer importance of managing the environments we surround ourselves with (including other people) and also managing our inner, psychological states, is monumentally huge. It is important (and also comforting) to know and remember that regardless of one’s current circumstances and situation, that there are an abundance of professionals out there who can help achieve amazing results in these areas.

I’d like to wish you a happy new year! I hope 2017 was a great year for you, one that was filled with wonderful experiences and created many special memories. If this was the case, it is the prime opportunity to build on that positive momentum. If the year was a challenging one for you, then it is also the perfect opportunity to regroup, refocus and gain the clarity needed to shift your fortunes, in order to make 2018 a year to remember for the right reasons.

What many people do not realise is that success and true happiness in life do not stem from one big monumental event, but rather a series of many small events, wins, progresses, experiences, actions and learning from “mistakes” (in my opinion, people can only ever make mistake if they do not learn something from it…otherwise it is in actual fact, an opportunity for growth, development and learning).

Getting the fundamentals right, whilst it may sound dull and unsexy, is a super important commonality that successful and happy people have. We are naturally wired, NOT to be happy, NOT to be successful (in modern terms of the definition), but rather we are wired to SURVIVE. That’s powerful information because is means we can not just “hope” to be happy and successful, keeping our fingers crossed that we will be “one of the lucky ones” who are. It’s actually down to us to work on becoming HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL…and every person has the ability within to make this their reality.

Positivity and happiness are skills and mind sets that can be learned and implemented. By getting your inner world (psychology) in the right place, it’s not a case if “IF I BECOME HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL”, but rather “WHEN”.

Knowing powerful teachings conceptually/intellectually is of course better than not knowing at all, however the big differences come when these teachings are implemented regularly so they become habit and part of our routine. We need to live and breath the techniques, not just know that they would benefit us if we did do them. 70-80% of success comes from the inner world (psychology), with a relatively small 20-30% coming from the outer world (the how, the mechanics). The inner world This is where things such as beliefs (both positive/empowering and negative/limiting), emotions, feelings, habits and patterns are created and stored. They dictate much of our outward, real world behaviour, however they are beneath the surface and the majority of people are unaware of the sheer power of their influence on us. The inner world, like pretty much everything in our lives, can be worked on and changed. As a coach I help people to improve in both areas.

Here’s some of the amazing transformational stories from the work I’ve done with previous clients who have embarked upon the exciting coaching journey with me. For ALL OF JANUARY, I am offering FREE 30 minute consultations AND a limited amount of 25% OFF PERSONAL 1-2-1 COACHING (the discount will last the duration of the whole coaching relationship). If you’re looking to create life changing and life affirming changes in your life in order to get better results and outcomes, I would love to hear from you (inspired@dangayle-coach.com).

What kind of "I AM" statements are coming out of your mouth? Just as importantly, what kind of "I AM" statements are being said within your mind via thoughts (the inner talk)? Are they positive and empowering, or are they negative, disempowering...and ultimately destructive?

Or more like - "I am so unattractive", "I am so overweight", "I am so slow", "I am not good enough to...", "I am a loser", "I am unable to...".

So many people are actually really unkind to themselves when it comes to the way they talk to and treat themselves. Would you go up to other people and criticise them? Highly unlikely! So why do we deem it OK to criticise ourselves? Every time a negative "I AM" comes out of our mouths or is thought internally, it has a bad impact on our our mental state...and a big problem is that saying (or thinking) it once doesn't seem or feel like a big deal. However over time, the more it's said and thought, it's basically a story we've told ourselves so much that we now believe it to be true (this is where limiting beliefs, fears and anxieties are often born). To be this harsh on ourselves is literally crushing the amazing ability we have to create pretty much any future we are ALL possible of creating for ourselves. I genuinely believe that the deep impact of this is massive!

Life has many challenges in it for us to navigate through and overcome, we really MUST NOT add to that by putting ourselves down, berating and diminishing ourselves. Never downsize or downplay abilities, achievements or successes - be proud of them and use them to fuel your growth and to reach the amazing potential that is within us all.

So, what's the technique to use? One of the official terms used is Daily Positive Affirmations. I challenge you to make a list of amazing, positive, inspiring and empowering "I AMs" (around 15-30) and say them to yourself (ideally out loud) throughout the day. Try it now if you can (say them in your mind if you're unable to say out loud)...

It's perfectly ok if you FEEL or DON'T BELIEVE them all to be true right now - simply by giving continued focus an attention to these phrases, over time, you will soon feel an internal shift and then begin to believe them all. The knock on effect of this on the way you feel about yourself, your wellbeing and subsequently, your newfound additional confidence can take you to new heights. Please do feel free to share with me, your wins and progress by using this as I would love to hear about it :-) My email is inspired@dangayle-coach.com

Full Exercise:

Step 1 - What “I AMs” are coming out of your mouth or being said out loud and in your head to yourself? Take some time to list them into positive and negative ones.

Step 2 - Notice how each of them make you feel about yourself.

Step 3 - Now let’s flood your brain with wonderful, positive, empowering, confidence boosting "I AMs". Like the examples described and explained above, they don’t all have to be true right now…think about the I am’s that you would love to feel that are true. Add them to the positive list.

Step 4: Now read back all of the positive ones to yourself once or twice per day.

Life is already hard enough with its constant surprises, struggles and tough times. When all we really feel like is a duvet day, there's a reason for that. The mind and the body need recovery time from the constant stimulation and 'go go go' nature of today's busy life commitments. What makes the whole thing seem even more unmanageable however, is the background self criticism and judgment that so many people so often find humming at a low level in their minds, some to even greater degrees and volumes.

Every cell in our body responds to the chemical factory in our heads. When we are feeling positive, at ease and without stress, our body responds accordingly with good health, extra energy and a feeling of being on top of things. But when we put ourselves down, or over-stretch ourselves, the body will respond in kind. Tiredness, overwhelm and a lack of energy are sure signs of a run down nervous system and are likely due to neglecting a vital component in well being - self care.

There is lots of information available about the connection between the mind and body and how the former can influence the health of the latter. In one particular scientific journal, published in https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1456909/ online, the author looks at how widely accepted this premise has become:

"Although the understanding that emotions affect physical health dates as far back as the second-century physician Galen and the medieval physician and philosopher Moses Maimonides, modern medicine has largely continued to treat the mind and body as two separate entities. In the past 30 years, however, research into the link between health and emotions, behaviour, social and economic status and personality has moved both research and treatment from the fringe of biomedical science into the mainstream."

Relationship dynamics with other people are also subtly influenced by the way we perceive ourselves - we have a unique set of filters on how we interact in the world around us, and these filters are intrinsically linked to self esteem and self worth.

There is a lot of talk in the media these days about mindfulness, positive thinking and well being practices. One of the most under-rated is that of self care. We weren't always taught how to recognise when our needs weren't being met and we certainly weren't guided to understand that we ourselves could do something about that. We were often taught that it was selfish to look after ourselves, or that we weren't enough as we were unless we were doing more, giving more or in some way being more. These misunderstandings can have their roots quite far back in life and as such have become an ingrained part of who we are. The good news is that in any given moment, new beliefs can be adopted and the beginning of a new relationship can be formed - the most important relationship we can embark upon; the one with ourselves.

So whether you're a seasoned self carer, or it's new to you, it's never too late to start adding more tools to the wellbeing kit. Here are a few recommended practices, delightfully simple and yet incredibly effective at cultivating a more positive relationship with you, and improving ways of looking after yourself even better:

Try to catch yourself whenever you start to berate, criticise or judge yourself. When you do find yourself doing that, instead take a couple of deep breaths and say to yourself, this or in whatever words feel most natural "you're doing just fine", "you've got this", or "everything's working itself out no matter how it might seem right now"

In time, try to shift the wording of this new found self talk to be even more encouraging e.g "you're actually kinda great" or "I've got your back", and eventually "I love and accept you". This may seem uncomfortable at first, but with daily practice it won't be long before you're able to do this even in front of a mirror. Louise L Hay who wrote the book 'You Can Heal Your Life' was a huge advocate of mirror work, and countless people that implemented this simple practice into their daily routine have spoken of astounding results - improved self esteem and confidence, increased joy and feelings of contentment and even attracting more success, abundance and positive relationships into their lives.

Make sure you speak up and assert yourself, gently but firmly. Say no when you really need to. This way you retrain yourself into believing you've got your own back!

It's more than okay and in fact should be essential to take regular time outs, sleep and recharge. The less time you think you have for this, the more you probably need it!

Learn as much as you can about what you need to do to soothe and nurture yourself. Make a list, then commit to doing at least one thing on the list each day.

It takes a bit of time to make a new habit, whether that habit is good or bad for us. If you can try to practice this for at least a month, it will start to become easier, and eventually will become a habit, the more you practice; and over time you'll find the self talk has shifted from negative and berating to positive and encouraging and you'll start to fall in love with the amazing person that you already are.

Following on from last week’s article, in part 2 I will be providing more tools and techniques on how to boost your self-confidence. This week I will be talking around a Ted Talk from well known psychologist, Amy Cuddy, as her research had led to some amazing outcomes, and her own personal story is both rather moving and inspiring.

We all pick up on other people’s body language, both on a conscious (aware) and subconscious (unaware) level. It is often easy to pick up on who the confident people by the way they hold themselves, sit, stand, walk, etc,

It has long been known that the way we feel (our minds) impacts our bodies and subsequently our behaviour. But can our bodies change our minds?

Amy’s research explored this extensively. By employing NON VERBAL power moves (opening up the body, arms, legs – making oneself big, taking up physical space), how does impact people physiologically and emotionally?

By separating research participants into two groups, with one performing high power poses (big, open, taking up space etc), and the other performing low power poses (closed, fiddling with face/hair/body, crossed arms/legs, hunched over etc), each for 2 minutes, the observed differences were incredible…

High Power Poses Vs Low Power Poses:-

Testosterone – the dominance hormone

20% increase vs 10% decrease --- a 30% swing in one’s ability to dominate/feel in control of a situation.

Now how absolutely amazing is that!? Our bodies change our minds –-- our minds change our behaviour –-- our behaviour changes our outcomes. Our non-verbals govern not only how others view and perceive us, but also how we think and feel about ourselves…this is KEY!

Every time you feel this way (positive, empowered, confident, etc), even if for a short while, you take a step closer to it becoming your new norm, If you practice it enough, it will become your new reality.

“Tiny tweaks can lead to BIG changes” – Amy Cuddy. This has had a big impact on my life…I hope it does in your life too.

Pretty much all of us at some point in our lives have been in a situation or environment where we’ve felt confident, empowered and like we’re just ‘in the zone’. Why is it then that so many people are not able to feel this way in much more situations? The answer lies in what is known as ‘the comfort zone’.

Some people are confident at work but not socially, others socially but not at home, some at home but not at work, etc etc. It can also be more specific than this – maybe you’re confident around certain people, in particular locations, wearing a specific outfit, talking about your favoured topic, etc etc.

As you can see from the above image, people’s “zones” will vary and will also differ given a particular set of circumstances. Longer term we want to work our way towards having a large comfort zone, in many different areas, which is is achieved by gradually spending more an more time in your “learning” or “stretch” zone. This takes dedication and continuous action, which as you all know I am a big advocate of! HOWEVER….

Image courtesy of Leadership Sculpture

…there is an amazing method we can use to help us in the short term… a technique called “anchoring” which enables us to access the benefits of a time WHEN YOU HAVE FELT CONFIDENT BEFORE. Studies have shown that there are physiological changes that occur within us when we are able to focus on positive, empowering memories.

So, I’d like to ask you to do the following:

-Think back to a time where you have felt amazing! Where you were confident, energised, empowered, passionate, focused. Basically a time when you were operating at the level you desire (or as close to it as possible).

-Close your eyes and visualise being back in that situation. Get REALLY clear on it. What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? How is your body positioned? What are your facial expressions? What are you saying? What are people saying to you?

-Write down all of your answers to these questions…read them back and imagine being in that situation regularly (this is important).

-Next time you’re in need of a confidence boost, because you have focused on the past positive experience many times, you will have easy access to those memories and thus the confident feelings evoked from them, at the time you need.

You can repeat this as many times as you want so you have more examples to draw upon in the future. I’d highly recommend building out a bank of various scenarios that you can always refer back to.

I want to make you aware of this very important point – nobody is born confident or unconfident. We are the outcome of all our conditioning and experiences in life to date. THIS IS A GREAT THING as it means that you can always LEARN to grow and build your confidence and self-esteem.

Next week I will share part 2 of this confidence boosting series of articles, which is equally as, if not more powerful, that today’s content. Have a great week!

When we feel wronged in some way, shape or form (this can stem from another person, a situation, an event, or perhaps life in general) it can be all too easy to cling to the negative emotions evoked. Anger, disappointment, bitterness, jealousy, rage, guilt, sadness, doubt, envy, frustration, feeling victimized…the list of potential negativity is a long one.

An unknown part of the equation is that for most of us (myself included) we actually gain some level of identity from the “wrong doing” and our inner ego actually enjoys it and feeds from it, as we tell ourselves the story over and over, or gossip about it with our friends, family or colleagues! Modern day we also have the outlet of social media as we seek to get feedback from others that we have indeed been wronged, via likes, shares, re-tweets etc.

“I can’t believe Bob did that to ME”.

“Life is so unfair, why is this happening to ME”.

“I’m so annoyed with Laura, she never does XYZ for ME”.

“What’s that guy’s problem?! He’s such a *$%& for treating ME this way”.

“I wish MY life was better, everyone else is so lucky”.

The inherent importance we place on the association with ourselves completely transforms nearly every interaction or occurrence in life.

For example, if you were to hear about a stranger’s bag being stolen, you’d probably either be at worst case, indifferent, best case, frustrated on their behalf. Now imagine replacing the situation with YOUR BAG being stolen…notice how the attachment to “I”, “me”, “mine”, etc dramatically impacts the way you feel about the situation. This can be extended to any scenario!!

Now, the main issue does not stem from the initial reaction to the event or situation, it’s actually harbouring those negative feelings and emotions for the whole day, week, month, year…sometimes even decades, and letting that impact your present, and subsequently your future.

-Can you think of examples where you may have done this?

-Ultimately, do you think holding onto these negative feelings has had a positive or negative impact on your life and the situation?

-Do you feel happier for not letting go and clinging to the negativity?

Personal development and spiritual guru, Eckhart Tolle, has a great way of explaining this, giving us a fantastic tool to raise self-awareness of when it’s happening. Subsequently this enables us to take empowering action that will DEFINITELY serve to make YOU feel much better and improve your relationship with the initial cause of negative feelings (i.e. the person, the situation etc).

He calls it “A Duck With A Human Mind”. When you see ducks fight or squabble, they get riled up in the moment, then they flap their wings for a short while and not long afterwards, normal life is resumed with the ducks happily swimming side by side as if nothing had happened.

Flap Your Wings!

How much happier do you think we as individuals, and society as a collective would be, if we could let go of those attachments and negative emotions? IT WOULD BE HUGELY TRANSFORMATIVE!

Now of course, we all have standards of how we want to be treated by others, and you should not accept anything less than that. But the key distinction here is that you have a choice firstly as to whether you walk away or you stay in the current situation (you are the master of your own destiny, no one else), and secondly, choose whether you hold onto the emotions, or whether you let them go.

So the next time a person or a situation makes you feel wronged, remember to “flap your wings” and get back to focusing on things that will serve your greater purpose, and your ultimate happiness in life, the greatest.

Most people (myself definitely included) love taking a nap. The problem is that we are either “too busy” or feel guilty about taking one, when we all have such busy daily schedules, and so CHOOSE not to take this time out.

Ultimately though, naps are hugely beneficial for state of mind, productivity, alertness and a great source of self-care.

As You Can See Clearly - The Rested, Well Slept Minds At The Top Exhibit Far Greater Brain Activity Than Their Sleep Deprived Counterparts Below.

There are all sorts of things we tell ourselves as to why we can’t find the time for such self-care techniques (as the saying goes “if you don’t have 10 minutes to meditate, you should do 20 minutes”…I think this should extend to naps too). Do any of these sound familiar?

-“If I have a nap it means I lose that time to do XYZ”.

-“I’ll be deemed lazy if I take a nap”.

-“I don’t have the time to take a nap”.

-“What will people think of me if I take a nap, everyone else is so busy?”

-“No one else is taking a nap, I feel bad if I do”.

It is worth remembering that we are in fact human, and not robots, thus managing our bodies and our minds are of massive importance. We cannot operate at our most effective level continuously throughout the course of a day. We’ve all been in scenarios before before where we are physically there, awake, in the room…however mentally we are unable to effectively navigate the task in front of us to the (or anywhere near to) best of our abilities. There in body but not in mind!

A study by NASA studied the effects of napping in 747 pilots. Each participant, on average, napped for 26 minutes a day, with NASA concluding that the nap increased performance by 34% and alertness by 54%.

How AMAZING is that!? By remembering these types of stats from official, credible research, it can help you overcome the guilt associated with taking some time out for yourself, as you begin to realize, that in actual fact, by taking say 30 minutes out for a snooze, over the course of working for 10 hours your net productivity gains will be around 3 hours (make sure to share this with your bosses, haha).

There are different types of naps as you can see from the infogram – though in terms of increasing focus, alertness and productivity 5-30 mins is the desired range.

The rule of thumb is that the best nap time is between 1pm and 4pm, though you should remember that sleeping is highly individual, and the amount of rest one person needs can be entirely different from someone else.

Evolutionarily speaking, the human body was not meant to stay awake for 16 consecutive hours on end which means it’s normal to feel tired somewhere around seven hours after waking up. Check out the circadian sleep cycle image – this is for someone waking up at 6am so you will need to shift the times according to your own personal requirements.

You will need to pay attention to your body’s energy levels to ensure you time your naps right to maximise their benefit…which will give you the right amount of energy for the remainder of the day.

Take note from Winston Churchill and schedule in your daily naps the same as you would a business call or a meeting.

So there you have it – all the information you need to feel just in your desire for a nap, and why it’s in everybody’s best interest (including most importantly your own) that you do so regularly.

I would like to start this blog post by quoting a paragraph from a book I’m currently reading called “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle.

“The ego cannot distinguish between a situation and it’s interpretation of and reaction to that situation. You might say, “what a dreadful day”, without realizing that the cold, the wind, and the rain or whatever condition you react to are not dreadful. They are as they are. What is dreadful is your reaction, your inner resistance to it, and the emotion that is created by that resistance.”

What causes the discomfort, or frustration, or upset (or any negative) is the difference between the actual outcome, and the EXPECTED or DESIRED outcome that we’ve been conditioned to have or want…and the emotional attachment to that difference.

Now please take a moment to think about what that means and let it sink in. Basically “difficult” or “negative” situations get their power not from the situation itself, but rather how we react to them.

Positive vs Negative Emotions - A Few Examples

By training ourselves to become more self-aware of our reactions to things, we can, from there, dramatically alter the way we feel about said things.

So the next time you have a negative reaction to a situation, ask yourself…

-How does reacting with negative emotion and resisting the situation change the outcome?

-If your reaction does not have a positive impact on the situation what benefits do you get from holding onto said negative reaction?

-Given this, rather than attaching yourself to some other “preferred” outcome, can you accept the situation simply for what it is?

-What POSITIVE steps can you take that will make you feel better?

By running through this process it can stop the negative cycle that ensues after an undesired event. Every time you perform this, it raises awareness and over time can develop the skill/ability to choose how to react to any given situation. How cool is that!? As with anything, to develop a new habit or skill it takes consistent attention and practice to make it become second nature. Simply increasing one’s self-awareness is in itself a huge gift to have.

An interesting point to make here which I’m also hoping will be an additional motivating factor in putting this technique into practice, are the physiological changes that occur within your body when your mind operates in such negative states. Science has proven that many many bodily functions, including the heart, immune and digestive systems are adversely affected. So simply by changing the way you react to any given situation, not only can you feel better from an emotional standpoint, you will also benefit from a health point of view too.

This week I wanted to build upon the ‘mindfulness’ blog post from last week, which leads us nicely on to meditation!

Meditation is a form that has been around for thousands of years. Until relatively recent years, it was met by the masses with some skepticism, however, importantly, the practice of meditation is now gaining much more widespread acceptance and the old stigmas attached to it are steadily melting away.

So what has caused the change? Here are the main reasons for the shift:

-Much scientific research has been conducted which backs up what meditation practitioners have been claiming for years (society, especially Western societies, place a great deal of emphasis on having “expert” backing. However in this context, many incorrectly only view an expert as someone with a degree, or having a scientific background).

-Benefits such as reduced stress and anxiety, improved concentration, a healthier lifestyle, increased self-awareness & acceptance, increased happiness, slowed aging, and improved cardiovascular and immune system health, are all very attractive. They appear more believable now we’ve had someone tell us that we can believe what the Monks (amongst other people) have been saying for centuries.

-The increasingly fast-paced nature of life is causing us to adapt. Mental health issues have spiraled over the past 30 and it’s no coincidence that we have been living lives that are busier than ever during this period! Practices such as meditation are a necessity in the attempt to counteract these challenges, rather than unnecessarily plying people full of medication (there are appropriate times when medication is a useful avenue, however far too often it is used as the default solution).

It actually surprises me that we are taught to spend time training our bodies, yet we have not yet all been taught how to train and look after the most important muscle of all…the brain/mind!

So, now that it’s not “pointless”, “uncool” or “weird” to embark upon meditation, how should you go about implementing it into your life?

You can actually self-teach, however there are some great FREE apps out there that are developed to start things off simple, and gradually increase in difficulty so as to improve skills and abilities over time. Most of them are “guided meditations” which tell you what to do and what to focus on, which is hugely useful, especially as a beginner. In The App (Apple) or Play (Android) store, simply search for “Omvana” and “Headspace”, download and follow the instructions.

Something I feel is worth sharing is around self-awareness regarding a meditation journey. The purpose of a session is to stay focused on something particular, however you will notice that your mind wanders on to other things. I (and likely many others) used to get frustrated when I found my mind wandering (thinking things like “I’m rubbish at this”, “It’s not working” etc). Please rest assured that you have no reason to feel this way. Why? It’s because it actually means it is working! EVERY time you catch your mind thinking about something other than the focus of the session, and subsequently bring your mind back, it’s you training and sharpening your mind (can view it like you’ve just completed a set of weights in the gym). The more times you catch yourself, the stronger your mind becomes, until ultimately, with practice, you will be able to have laser-like focus on whatever you choose. This will cause you to live life much more in the present, worrying less about the past and the future, greatly increasing happiness!

Courtesy of Business Insider

I recommend you do at least 5 mins (10-15 mins would be much better for you) per day 4-5 times per week in order to build momentum and create a new habit. The cool thing is that you can build it into your daily routine – do it on the bus or train journey to work, on your lunch break, sitting in the bath…decide what works best for you and stick to it. You will be amazed with the results :-D

The cool thing about the technique I am about to share with you is that it can be incorporated very easily into your every day routine. As with many things in life, we must consistently apply ourselves to experience the full effect of them, however, in my own personal experience I started to see benefits materialise after using it for about a week.

You may or may not have heard of the concept called mindfulness. One definition of this practice is, “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

What ultimately is a sizeable cause (along other things) of stress, feeling of overwhelm, anxiety and mental fatigue is scattered thoughts worrying about the past and the future…and not enough time spent focusing on the here and now! Society today is running at a faster pace than ever and we have between 60,000-80,000 thoughts per day whizzing through our minds (how crazy is that!?). It is very easy, without the necessary mental training, to get swept away in the stuff that either isn’t important, is negative imagination or doesn’t serve your best interests in living a happy and fulfilled life. By being present we life a fuller life.

Calm the mind by living in the present

Now I’m not saying we cannot learn from the past, in fact it is imperative that we do (by learning from our past, it means we do not fail, but rather grow and develop). But as we cannot change the past, to do anything other than take the learning points from it and move on, is a huge waste of energy and can be a source of major unhappiness!

Similarly, having goals for the future is important too, but it’s key not to associate that future with becoming happy and successful…both of those are born by living in and appreciating the present.

By implementing mindfulness for as little as 5 minutes per day (I would recommend 15-20 minutes+) you will soon feel a calmer nature about yourself, more focus, less irritability, stress reducing, feel less on edge and more focused and energized

Here’s a few examples of how you can use in every day life…

·On the walk to the car or the station, listen to how the trees rustle in the wind, how the birds chirp, or how the sound of a car’s engine changes?

·At your desk at work hone in on the smell of the cafeteria, the sounds of your colleagues nattering in the background or the keyboards tapping, how the seat feels against your back and legs?

·Standing on the bus, how does it feel to be swaying as it moves, notice how fast/slow the cars are going outside, are there any beepings of horns and do they sound different?

·When going for a run, how does the wind feel on your skin, how does the floor feel on your feet, how does it feel moving closer to the horizon to which you’re aiming, what are the colours of the butterflies you pass?

·With regards to being mindful with your thoughts, rather than getting swept away with them, instead observe them with your mind’s eye, without judgment asking yourself, what actually is this thought, how does it serve you by spending time focusing on this thought (positive or negative), how would you benefit positively by not focusing on this thought?

You can apply this to any sensory action. Really focus down on each thing you are being mindful of. By doing this more and more we literally re-wire our brains and train ourselves to only engage with those thoughts that WE choose!

Now how easy is that? There are very few things in this world you get for little effort…however with this, the benefits greatly outweigh the time and energy invested.

Give it a go and see how you get on. On the next blog post I will be taking things a step further and discussing the power of meditation, providing you with tips, tricks and top apps to help implement it into your life as easily as possible.

One of the biggest issues people face when is comes to making continued progress in their lives is the negative self-talk that goes on inside their heads. We all have dreams, but the problem is that many a time they remain just a dream due to fear.

Fear of failure? Fear of success (how will people around me treat me if I succeed)? Fear of the unknown? Fear of judgment? The list goes on!

So what is it that enables some people to overcome these fears (trust me, every single person has had them at some point)? Ultimately it’s the inner voice inside your mind that holds an immense amount of power over you, and by learning to tame, then control and eventually master working together with your mind, we can unlock a huge resource that will enable us to achieve great things.

Now of course, this will take some time, discipline and thus a degree of motivation and passion to achieve as there is no quick fix. But it is totally worth the effort…trust me!

Can you remember the last time you wanted to do something but were stifled by something your mind told you?

-Perhaps you saw someone you fancied in the street and wanted to go introduce yourself, but then told yourself something like “they probably wont fancy me”, or “what if they so no?”, or “I don’t know what I have to offer someone like that”.

-Or wanted to change career path but heard things like “I don’t have the skills to move”, or “what if the new team don’t like me?”, or “what if the new job is more difficult?”.

-Maybe you want to start your own business but the inner gremlin shouts “you don’t have the knowledge to do this”, or “what if people don’t take to my idea”, or “there is too much to handle”, or “financial insecurity is scary, don’t put yourself through it”.

Ultimately you do really have to want the thing you’re thinking of going for. If you do though, here’s the way to re-program your mind to enable you to develop incredible confidence and belief that will lead you to amazing successes.

Here’s the process…

Stage 1: Awareness – firstly you need to catch yourself thinking/saying these negative things to yourself. Initially it will be slow and infrequent (i.e. some may slip by you), but as you develop this skill you will catch yourself more and more. Make sure to write them down…every single one!

Stage 2: The Change – now you need to replace whatever the negative thought/chat is with something more empowering that serves to boost your confidence and self-belief. So on a separate piece of paper (or section if digital) write down a phrase that you can replace it with. For example - “financial insecurity is scary, don’t put yourself through it”, could become “whilst financial insecurity may be scary, many people succeed in business every day. There is no reason why I cannot be one of those people, and if so, I know I will be much happier for it”.

Stage 3: Implementation – there are 2 steps to this. Firstly, you will need to read your new list to yourself at least twice per day. And secondly, whenever you actually catch yourself saying those negative things in the moment, stop and repeat to yourself 5 times, your new, confidence boosting, life changing alternative phrase.

Notice how your feelings shift as time progresses – I guarantee you will love your progress. If you have any questions on this please just give me a shout. Good luck, and bye for now!

Let’s face it, in modern day life we have stresses, struggles and challenges thrown at us. Some times more than others, and some people more than others.

Now as many of you may know, I am a firm believer that ensuring one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances is positive, constructive and empowering is HUGELY impactful! This is a skill that can be learned! As with any new skill/habit it takes time. BUT I have an incredible method that you can start using straight away to get benefits immediately.

So what is this secret trick?! Well they’re actually no secret as we use these ‘things’ every day, without most of us realising it…they are called sub-modalities.

Firstly, here’s a brief description of what they are –

Sub-modalities in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) are fine distinctions or the subsets of the Modalities (Visual , Auditory , Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory, and Ad). They are the building blocks of by which we code, order and give meaning to the experiences we have. Sub-modalities are how we structure our experiences.

I know that’s quite a mouthful that may sound a bit jargon-ish! But the following exercise will help it become more clear:

1)Firstly close your eyes and imagine/visualise you are in a stressful situation that you really wish you were not in…get really vivid with the details. What can you see? Hear? Feel? Smell? Touch? How does this all make you feel? What emotions are arising? Does your heart rate increase? Does you body tighten up? Use the table below to help get as descriptive as possible.

2)Now close your eyes and imagine you are somewhere you love. What is one of your favourite places or situations to be in? Thailand? Sweden? With family for dinner? Riding a bike along a sea front? You choose! Now I want you to answer all the questions from part one again.

Did you notice how REAL both scenarios felt, even though you were not actually there? Did you feel the gulf in the way you felt in the different circumstances? So by extension of this, you can use part two of the exercise at ANY TIME to feel happier, more positive, empowered, confident, relaxed, energized…basically you choose the suitable memory or the environment that will make you feel a certain set of emotions, and then you can transport yourself there. Gaining all of the emotional benefits of being there, without physically being there.

I used to get super stressed travelling on The Tube (subway, Metro or MTS for my international readers) at peak times so used to imagine being on a beach listening to waves breaking…it completely changed my commuting experience!

The subconscious mind DOES NOT differentiate between reality and imagination! Now how amazing is that considering your mind is 90% driven by this part of the brain!? Let’s use this to our advantage and remember to use this amazing technique whenever we are in an environment that is not to our liking...you can truly transform your life with it.

For some reason many people are very uncertain as to what they TRULY want in life. Maybe it’s the way our brains have been cleverly (and unknowingly at the time) re-wired to become more consumerist in the way we think. Perhaps it’s our constant comparisons to others, their lives and their possessions. Or it could well be the confusion that arises from the people in our lives (from a very young age) telling us what we should do, what is good for us, what will make us happy etc (usually because they care and want the best for us, not due to any maliciousness). It could be a combination of all those things as well as some others too!

But ultimately we have one life (that we know of, but that’s another, potentially more controversial topic for the future) and it is down to us as INDIVIDUALS, and us alone to make sure we make the absolute most of it! We NEED to ensure we minimize any regrets we have.

So how should we go about cutting out all the noise (the crap other people tell you, that you should be/do/have)? One of my favourite personal development gurus, Tony Robbins, says this:

"Somebody should tell us right at the start of our lives that we're dying...then we might live life to the limit. Every minute of every day, whatever you want to do, do it now...there are only so many tomorrows". Apologies if this comes across as morbid, as it’s intended to have the exact opposite intention…to make us feel alive and to return control back into your own hands!

Many a time it's only when there is a fear of "finality" that we realise that we have much more control of our lives, as all the unimportant stuff falls away out of sight and we’re left with what ultimately drives us at the core!

So, if you were given a limited time to live…

-What would you want to do?

-What would you want to have?

-Who would you want to be?

-What would give you the greatest level of happiness?

-What can you do now to go after your dreams and passions, instead of waiting?

Take some time to think deeply and properly about these questions. How do you feel after answering them? Have you gained some insight? Every single client I’ve asked to do this exercise has had some big breakthroughs, so I’m hopeful you will get great benefit from it too.

So what would I recommend doing now with this newfound information? Every day, week, month, make efforts to spend as much time as possible making this vision a reality. I all but guarantee that your quality of life and overall happiness will increase. All the best & bye for now!

Often, a big part of why people don’t achieve what they want in life, is because they are not clear on exactly what THEY want, or WHY.

Ever noticed that once you’re aware of something (e.g. your pal just bought a blue Audi), you see blue Audi’s all the time?! This is the power of focused attention, and without this you probably would not have seen all of those blue motors zipping around, even though the opportunity to do so was there.

So…if we extend this onto things that we want to bring into our existence and make reality, doesn’t it make sense to be ABSOLUTELY clear on what you want?

Your mind is an incredibly powerful asset and it’s constantly working on solving the problems you put forth to it. Again, ever notice when you’ve forgotten what you were going to say, then seemingly out of nowhere 3 hours later it pops back into your head?! Your brain is constantly doing this for a multitude of tasks. And if you feed it with the right information, it can be whirring along in the background working on how to make your desires come true…but it needs a helping hand!

Some specifics, clarity and what you get from achieving (both emotionally/mentally and physically) it all go a long way. The more often it is fed this information, the more focused and efficient it becomes.

So, what’s the best way to achieve this? I’ve personally found vision boards to be an incredibly effective method. It also serves as inspiration and motivation, which can be hugely helpful, especially on those days that we all have where we wake up feeling tired, deflated or a bit negative…which happens to us all.

For those of you who have not heard of the term before, a vision board is a one stop shop for you to see your dream life, what it entails and why you want it. So here’s what I recommend…

1)By a few sheets of coloured A3 paper.

2)Go online and search for images of what it is you want to make a reality. Amass a folder full of these as these will serve to inspire you.

3)Print them off and stick them onto your A3 sheets – keep them organized into sections, such as career, wealth, relationships etc.

4)Write down in amongst the images why you want these things. Pride, sense of achievement, security for family, belief that can succeed in life, to inspire others, etc etc. The more detailed the better.

5)Put them up somewhere that you can see and read every day. The more you review them, the better.

6)Add, tweak or remove as necessary…our goals change as time passes and that’s ok. We are built to grow and evolve.

It’s worth being aware of how your energy, mood, motivation, excitement etc are all impacted. I guarantee this will have a huge impact on all of them!

Wishing you continued success in your life’s journey. Keep those stories coming in, I love hearing about people moving forward and creating a happier life for themselves.

Limiting beliefs are one of the biggest hinderers of making progress towards our goals, and thus achieving sustained happiness in life.

Belief systems are of course useful if they are positive (e.g. “I am confident”) or they keep us safe (e.g. “cobras are harmful, don’t pick one up”), however the issue is that the majority of beliefs for many of us either have been passed on them via their social surroundings (parents, friends, school, work etc), no longer serve us, or simply were never true in the first place.

Let me ask you a question – what do you believe is the tallest mountain in the world? “Mount Everest” I hear you say, most likely thinking what a silly/easy question to answer. In actual fact, Mauna Kea in Hawaii is the tallest! Everest stands 29,035 feet above sea level. Mauna Kea only stands 13,796 feet above sea level, but the mountain extends about 19,700 feet below the Pacific Ocean. Over half of it is submerged. That puts the total height of Mauna Kea at about 33,500 feet - nearly a mile taller than Everest.

So if we can be wrong about something that you are so certain of, what other beliefs do we have that we take forward as being true, without actually questioning them?!

The main moral to this story is to always question things and “Know For Yourself”. By doing so, you will be much better informed and be able to make more empowered decisions that are not based on mis-information.

·Come across a situation that you feel you can’t overcome because of some “fact”…

…Question it! Probe it! Scrutinize it!

Ask yourself…

·Where this belief/information came from originally?

·Can you be 100% certain it’s true?

·How do you react, what happens when you believe this thought/information?

·Who would you be without this thought? What could you achieve?

·Find 3 reasons why the opposite of the belief is true.

Sometimes beliefs and pieces of information are true, many times they are not. By examining more closely and “knowing for yourself” you will always be acting and making decisions based upon the best information available, thus better preparing you for success, achievement and happiness.

Don’t be a sheep, and don’t be a slave to the media nor anyone else’s thoughts and beliefs…always “know for yourself”.

There can be a multitude of reasons as to why a person’s self confidence is low, and will vary from person to person as to whether it is a long or short term experience. Here’s a few of the key factors…

-Our environment at school. (how teachers and other kids treated us)

-Our home environment whilst growing up (how our parents and other family treated us).

-Impactful events (such as losing a job, a bereavement, breakups/divorce, financial worries/debt/loss of a home, etc).

As humans are so all wonderfully unique, each person’s resilience, and therefore their susceptibility to being heavily impact by the various above factors will of course vary.

Now obviously some of these experiences will have been impacting us for a very long time, whereas others a relatively short amount of time. However they can all play a big part!

THE KEY thing to remember is that NO AMOUNT of mental conditioning, is permanent…take a moment to let that sink in and think about what this means!

The bottom line is that regardless of whether your lack of confidence (or dip in confidence) stems from older or newer experiences, it can be undone and fixed. Try to view a lack of confidence as a habit that has been learned. Any habit that has been learnt (positive or negative) can be unlearned…and subsequently the ones that do not serve you, can be replaced with something else much more empowering.

Scientists believe that a new habit takes around 4 weeks to form. So if you’re up for it, I’m going to set you a “28 Day Challenge”.

1)Grab a piece of paper and split it into 5 columns. At the top of each one, write the following 5 headings: Physical, Intellectual, Social/Personality, Unique/Other, How Your Friends Would Describe You.

2)Now write 5 POSITIVE things under each of the headings relating to you.

3)Read this at least once per day for 28 days.

4)Once you’ve achieved the above, stretch yourself to write down 100 positive things in total and repeat.

Notice how your feelings shift as the days go by. Does you negative self-talk feel lower/more subdued (or perhaps gone altogether)? Do you feel more positive? Have greater belief? Feel that you deserve good things? If so (and you will), then it’s working.

If you would like more information on this topic, or any other I’ve covered, I’d love to hear from you.

When pursuing our dreams and desires, it is almost unheard of that people arrive at their end goal without having to overcome a great deal of adversity and many obstacles. Success, in whatever field you operate, is not a straight line but rather series of actions and subsequent course corrections. Here we can use an analogy of a rocket being sent to the moon - a vast distance has to be covered and given there are so many variables and possible unexpected occurrences, many adjustments to it’s path are required to get to it’s end destination.

The problem that many people face is that by not appreciating this reality (i.e. expecting success to be a one way, straight line journey) when challenges arise they view it as failure, rather than a necessary part of the process.

An interview of the incredibly successful Will Smith, gave some great information around the concept of “failing” – without failing and making mistakes you are unable to grow and will get stuck in your comfort zone. And without taking risks you will never achieve anything more than you currently have…”you can’t steal 2nd base with your foot still on 1st.”

I took away two beautiful quotes from Will’s discussion:

1)“Fear is the killer of creativity”.

2)“Fail often and fail forward”.

Take a moment to think about these comments, what they mean and how you can implement them into your life’s strategy.

A nice quote from Frederick Smith

So onto my tools for you...

Firstly, I challenge you to go out and research successful people whom you aspire to and discover for yourself just how rocky and difficult the journey was for them. By doing so it will help you redefine your beliefs around success and perceived “failure”, as well as give you the space, and confidence to go out on your own path and make the mistakes necessary to learn the lessons you need to ultimately succeed.

To achieve and maintain the positive mindset that is a necessary prerequisite to achieve your dreams, it is an absolute must that you have the feeling of “winning” more than “losing”.

A very powerful, yet simple technique to achieve this is to keep a mini-wins diary, which is my second tool. Ideally, make a note of all the things you achieve throughout each day (you can do at the end of each day but it can be easy to forget the details), no matter how big or small. By doing so you will really start to become more aware of the ground you are covering and the progress you are making towards your ideal outcome.

I continuously use this technique and it has a hugely positive impact on my mindset, the way I view the world and how I go about taking action to make my dreams a reality. I hope you find this post useful - I would love to hear how you find it and the impacts it has.

So many people assume that happiness is an end destination. Do you ever catch yourself, or others saying/thinking things like...

"When I get that promotion or payrise, then I'll be happy".

"Once I meet my dream partner and fall in love, that's when I'll be happy".

"If I had more money, I'd be much happier".

"When I have a big house, I'll be happy".

Whenever people say these types of deferring comments, it implies three things. Firstly, that they are at effect of the world around them (no/limited control of the outcome) and not at cause (in control). Secondly, that happiness is a destination. Thirdly, that happiness is derived from "stuff".

Of course, things happen in life that are out of our control and sometimes these things can burden us. However, what we can control is the way we show up each day and how we react.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” - Viktor Frankel

True happiness comes from knowing what your purpose and missions are in life, and taking continued steps towards making them a reality...by doing this and enjoying the journey you get the feeling of winning more than you are losing. This is crucial! However, this is a huge topic that I will cover separately sometime in the future.

There are 2 very easy things that you can do each day, that cost absolutely nothing, yet have a profound impact of your level of happiness!

1) Smile and laugh with everybody!

So ridiculously simple, yet so often overlooked and neglected. Try it out and see what happens. Make a commitment to yourself to smile and laugh with 3 people tomorrow, 5 the next, 10 the following, and so on. I guarantee you that not only will you feel great, but the relationships and interactions you have with people will skyrocket in quality.

Now I'v,e on more than a few occasions, been looked at as if I'm a weirdo when I do it - in these moments, just remember that the majority of people will welcome your radiant smile and refreshing outlook on life...any negative response says nothing about you, and implies that they're just not ready for your positivity...and that's OK.

2) Know what your laughter triggers are.

We all have those days where we wake up p*ssed off, feel down, or just not quite firing on all cylinders. But regardless of whether you got out of the wrong side of the bed or are actually feeling pretty good on any given day, knowing your laughter triggers can be a huge asset for you.

Start to build a list (complete with text, images, videos, links etc) of the things that you can't help laugh to...continue to grow it as time passes by. Have a look over a few each day - in the morning is good, as is when you have a down/negative patch...notice how it can completely shift your mood, and thus outlook for the rest of the day.

Some science (not too heavy) behind laughter and smiling (and you should know that fake smiling works too as the brain cannot discern the difference, only the position of the facial muscles)...

1. Releases endorphins (feel good chemical) which make us feel happier and less stressed.

2. When endorphin levels are higher, it reduces the amount of cortisol (the stress chemical) in your body, thus lower anxiety, stress and associated negative feelings.

3. A good laugh is an effective way to release emotions.

4. Smiling is an attractive expression, which is more likely to draw people to you rather than push them away (ok so this is isn't science...but I like it...and it's true).

Summary...

So take the challenge to laugh and smile with progressively more each day, making note of how many and the impact is has. Also, build a huge asset for yourself in your laughter triggers...use them daily...and as you need!

If you find this of benefit, or think others will then please do share, and/or feel free to sign up to my newsletter via the link below.

Have a great week, an amazing month, and an even better year! SMILEY FACE!