The X-Faculty

As if paying £9000 per year wasn’t enough, the government has now introduced an X-Factor style audition for Universities to ensure that the right kind of students are getting in. This will replace A-Levels which have been deemed largely obsolete after a goat called George achieved six A* qualifications last summer.

“It’s just ridiculous!” said one student. “Now everyone is eligible for university, but nobody can afford to go!”

Sentiments like this are being echoed across the country. The Universities are keeping quiet as they’re onto a good earner. However, in the interests of protecting the windows of Conservative head office and the flags on the Cenotaph, the government has decided to take this new approach. From next September, all sixth form students going for university places will have to go through a series of intelligence auditions in order to make it into the finals. The BBC is already said to be interested in televising some of the auditions and may be launching a new show entitled ‘How do you solve a problem like Fermat’s last Theorem’. Not to be out done, ITV will be running the X-Faculty although Ant and Dec will not be involved because they didn’t do very well at school.