Biltwell Brodown at The V-Twin Expo

Chopperazzi: (chop er AHH tsee) n., Voyeuristic shutterbugs who stalk bikers, beardos and women to catch their drunken shenanigans on camera. The best chopperazzi lurk around bars, bands and dance floors to do their dirty work. On a cold Saturday evening in the Buckeye State, Cult creeps Billdozer and Halwade chronicled the tomfoolery of a bar full of lubed-up chopper freaks as they banged their heads to Dandelion Death at the Biltwell Brodown.

The Biltwell Brodown, hosted for the second year in a row byLowbrow Customs at the Mainstay Rock Bar in Cincinnati, Ohio, has quickly become the anti-social event of the V-Twin Expo season. As chrome-encrusted vendors at Easyriders' B2B extravaganza continue to lose their shine, The Biltwell Brodown grows drunker and more outlandish every year. At a motorcycle convention that hosted two seminars on resuscitating sales with aftermarket trikes, the Brodown gave cold, sullen showgoers a reason to smile.

In an attempt to seem business-like and professional, Tyler and Kyle Malinky from Lowbrow and Biltwell's Mike D. set up a product display for early drinkers and VIP's on the Mainstay Rock Bar's main dance floor. Bartenders Chris and Alisha keep the hot wings, mac and cheese and free PBR flowing, and 50 or so dealers and early birds luxuriated in the Mainstay's two chillout lounges. At five o'clock Dandelion Death frontman Matt "The Beard" Bischoff showed up for sound check. After unloading his equipment, the tattooed BMXer who helped mastermind the Brodown stepped out with myself and bike-curious BMXers Kevin Spanier and Lou Caparrelli for dinner.

When the bar reopened at 8:00 pm, Matt joined the Haints from Alabama, Wingmen Al and Darren from New Jersey and 750 or so dunkin' drumasses for six hours of serious alcohol abuse. At 11:00 p.m. The Beard disappeared and his Dandelion Death alter ego T Dominus emerged. S&M BMX East Coast salesman extraordinare Mike McHue and I threw free merch from the stage to keep the crowd at bay, but there was no turning back. For the next hour, Dandelion Death pounded and pulsated like the ten-inch dick strapped to their lead singer's crotch. Three barely legal strippers taunted the tattooed troll like trollops from Hades. The mosh pit showed its appreciation by singing along to hits like "Grandmaphylia," "Chewicide" and "Ride The Beaver." After 60 minutes of dancing, headbanging and soft-core porn, Dandelion Death disappeared into the night and the late show kicked in.

As I scanned the scene in the wake of all the hellraising, one thing became clear: bikeriders in the Buckeye State know how to party. In a text Sunday morning, Matt Bischoff told me the bar sold out of PBR, Coors Light, Budweiser and Jack Daniels—a first in the venue's history. I wonder if they sold out of bedazzled men's t-shirts at the Easyriders booth? Probably not.