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Twenty Questions to Ask Yourself

by eHarmony Staff

February 27, 2009

Whether matching socks or common interests, it helps to know what to look for. The challenge of establishing a healthy, enduring relationship is first and foremost the challenge of studying yourself and becoming well aware of all the special features that make up who you are.

With this in mind, we recommend that you write a few lines in response to each of the following questions:

2. What is the one dream for your life you most look forward to achieving?

3. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry?

4. Who has the capacity to make you feel loved more than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to cause you to feel so lovable?

5. How do you feel about yourself—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

6. When do you feel inspired? How does it feel when you are inspired?

7. What is the most important thing in the world to you?

8. If you had one day to live, how would you want to spend it?

9. When do you feel most afraid?

10. If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?

11. What bores you? Why is this?

12. How important is money to you? How much time do you spend thinking about it?

13. What is the role of God in your life? Do you believe there is a God, and if so, what is God like in relation to you?

14. What three interests are you most passionate about?

15. Who is your biggest enemy, and precisely how and why did this person become your enemy?

16. How important is food to you? Do you feel disciplined when it comes to eating?

17. Does the idea of being married to the same person for the rest of your life sound appealing to you—or not so appealing? What is there about it that you would especially like or not like?

18. Do you consider yourself emotionally healthy? In what ways are you especially healthy, and in what ways could you use improvement?

19. Do you argue very much with the people closest to you? How does it usually turn out?

20. What specifically would you like your closest friends to say about you at your funeral?

If someone could hear your answers to these questions, they would come to know you well. But, of course, it’s most important that you understand yourself. If you thoughtfully and honestly ponder these questions, you’re sure to gain a wealth of insight toward finding a person who loves what you love.