INFJ Personal Growth

What does Success mean to an INFJ?

People with the INFJ personality type are intense and perfectionistic.
They have deep insights into many aspects of life, and usually have very
high standards for their own understanding and accomplishments, as well
as those of others. They are service-oriented and empathetic to other
individuals. The INFJ strives for the ideal in every aspect of their life.
An INFJ's feeling of success is centered around their own level of
understanding and accomplishment, their usefulness or service to others,
and the condition of their personal relationships. The INFJ feels
successful when they have used their very deep understanding of something
to do a real service for someone. We often see INFJ personality types as
counsellors and teachers, or in the medical and health fields.

Allowing Your INFJ Strengths to Flourish

As an INFJ, you have gifts that are specific to your personality
type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing
your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you
will more readily see your place in the world, and be more content
with your role.

Nearly all INFJs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

They're extremely insightful, and see things that are not obvious to
others. This ability to see patterns and meanings in the world can help
the INFJ in many different ways. INFJs usually have a great deal of
insight into different people and situations.

When given a goal or context, an INFJ is able to generate all kinds
of possibilities. They're able to see the problem from many different angles.

They understand how others are feeling, and are genuinely concerned
with others. This natural empathy and caring helps to be really effective
at helping others through problems. In this manner, they make great
friends, counselors, teachers, and mates.

An INFJ has a "stick to it" attitude. They're not afraid of hard
work, and will put forth a great deal of effort towards something that they
believe in. This persistence will help the INFJ to achieve an identified goal.

Perfectionistic and idealistic, they always strive for the best.

Usually intelligent and able to concentrate and focus, the INFJ can
usually grasp difficult ideas and concepts.

INFJs who have a well-developed their Extraverted Feeling function to complement their dominant Introverted iNtuition will enjoy these special gifts:

They can turn their insightful understanding about a situation into
a successful plan of action.

The INFJ with well-developed judgment will be able to grasp and
process concepts that are beyond what their natural intelligence appears
to be able to handle.

They may achieve a level of understanding that makes them appear wise.

The INFJ's perfectionism and idealism, when combined with their
empathy and genuine concern for others, can cause them to be true servants
for people in some fashion. They may be great doctors or ministers or
counselors.
If they have
also achieved a good amount of life wisdom, they can become powerful forces,
such as Jesus (INFJ) and Mahatma Ghandi (INFJ).

Potential Problem Areas

With any gift of strength, there is an associated weakness. Without "bad",
there would be no "good". Without "difficult", there would be no "easy".
We value our strengths, but we often curse and ignore our weaknesses.
To grow as a person and get what we want out of life, we must not only
capitalize upon our strengths, but also face our
weaknesses and deal with them. That means taking a hard look at our
personality type's potential problem areas.

INFJs are rare and intelligent people with many special gifts. This should
be kept in mind as you read some of the more negative material about INFJ
weaknesses. Remember that these weaknesses are natural. We offer this
information to enact positive change, rather than as blatant criticism.
We want you to grow into your full potential, and be the happiest and
most successful person that you can become.

Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in INFJs are due to
their dominant function (Introverted iNtuition) overtaking their personality
to the point that the other forces in their personality exist merely to
serve the purposes of Introverted iNtuition.
In such cases, an INFJ may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others

May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it

May apply their judgment more often towards others, rather than towards themselves

With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find
others at fault for any problems in their lives

May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others

May be intolerant of weaknesses in others

May believe that they're always right

May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture

May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others

May have an intense and quick temper

May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax

May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people

May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require
quick decision making

May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others

May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the
bottom line or the big picture

Explanation of Problems

Most of the problems described above are a result of Introverted iNtuition
overtaking the INFJ's personality to the point that all of the other
functions become slaves to Introverted iNtuition. A healthy personality
needs to have a good balance between its dominant and auxiliary functions.
For an INFJ, the dominant Introverted iNtuition needs to be well-supported
by the auxiliary Extraverted Feeling function. If Extraverted Feeling
exists only to support the desires of Introverted iNtuition, then neither
function is being used to its potential.

Introverted iNtuition is a personality function that constantly gathers
information, and sees everything from many different perspectives. As
the dominant player in a personality, it has the effect of constantly
bombarding the psyche with new information to consider.
Introverted iNtuition is sort of like a framework for understanding that
exists in the mind. As something is perceived, it is melded into the
existing intuitive framework. If an entirely new piece of information
is perceived by the Introverted iNtuitive, that person must redefine
their entire framework of reference.
So, Introverted iNtuitives are constantly taking in information about
the world that needs to be processed in a relatively lengthy manner in
order to be understood. That presents quite a challenge to the INFJ.
It's not unusual for an INFJ to feel overwhelmed with all of the things
that he or she needs to consider in order to fully understand an idea or
situation.

When Introverted iNtuition dominates the INFJ such that the other functions
cannot serve their own purposes, we find the INFJ cutting off information
that it needs to consider. If the psyche is presented with information that
looks anything like something that Introverted iNtuition has processed
in the past, it uses Extraverted Feeling to quickly reject that information.
The psyche uses Extraverted Feeling to reject the ideas, rather than taking
the information into its intuitive framework, and therefore potentially
causing that framework to be reshaped and redefined.

Using Extraverted Feeling in this manner may effectively serve the immediate
needs of Introverted iNtuition, but it is not ideal. It causes the INFJ
to not consider information that may be useful or criticial in developing
a real understanding of an issue. It may cause the INFJ to come off as
too strongly opinionated or snobbish to others.

The better use of Extraverted Feeling for an INFJ would be to use it
to assess the INFJ's rich insights and weigh them against the external
world. When the INFJ personality uses Extraverted Feeling to cut off
incoming information, rather than to judge internal intuitions, it is
effectively cheating itself. It's like getting the answers to a test
without having to really understand the questions. It's easier to get
the answer right away, rather than to have to figure everything out.
For the INFJ, who has a tremendous amount of information and "studying"
that needs to be done, it's very tempting to take shortcuts. Most
INFJs will do this to some extent. The real problems occur when an
INFJ personality has become so imbalanced that its owner is extremely
self-important and rarely consider anyone else's opinions or ideas.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the INFJ needs to focus on applying their
judgment to things only after they have gone through their intuition.
In other words, the INFJ needs to consciously try not to use their
judgment to dismiss ideas prematurely. Rather, they should use their
judgment against their own ideas. One cannot effectively judge
something that they don't understand. The INFJ needs to take things
entirely into their intuition in order to understand them. It may be
neccesary to give your intuition enough time to work through the new
information so that it can rebuild its global framework of understanding.
INFJs need to focus on using their judgment not to dismiss ideas, but
rather to support their intuitive framework.

An INFJ who is concerned with personal growth will pay close attention
to the subject of their judgments, and their motivation for making
judgments. Are they judging something external to themself, or are
they judging something that they have sifted through their intuition?
Is the motivation for judging something to be able to understand its
usefulness in the world, or to dismiss it? Too often, an INFJ will
judge something without properly understanding it, and with the intention of
dismissing it. Seek first to understand, then to judge.

Living Happily in our World as an INFJ

Some INFJs have difficulty fitting into our society. Their problems are
generally associated with not knowing (or caring) how they come across to
others, and with having unreasonable expectations for others' behaviors.
Both of these issues stem from using Extraverted Feeling primarily to
dismiss external ideas, rather than to sort through their own intuitions.

An INFJ who uses Extraverted Feeling in this diminished manner may become
so strongly opinionated that they form rigid and unreasonable expectations
for others. They may feel so strongly about things that they become very
passionate and agitated when they feel that something has gone wrong.
In these cases, it's not uncommon for the INFJ to
express their displeasure with biting sarcasm. They become so emotionally
upset that they are generally not aware of how their behavior comes across
to others. Even if the consequences of their attitude and behavior is
pointed out to them, they may be agitated to the point that they don't care.
This kind of situation can be devastating to the INFJ on many levels, and
should be avoided. There isn't much that can be done once the INFJ has
reached the point where they are too upset to care about others, but
the INFJ can prevent this problem from occuring by ensuring that they never
get to that point.

How can you, as an INFJ, ensure that you won't get that upset? It
probably seems to you that these kinds of upsets are caused by external
circumstances and situations. Well, that's not really true. It's true
that things will happen over which you have no control. But you certainly
have control over how you perceive these things, or more appropriately,
how you *judge* these things.

Specific suggestions:

Take care to listen to someone's idea entirely before you pass
judgment on it. Ask questions if neccesary. Do whatever it takes to
make sure that you understand the idea. Try not to begin judging anything
about the idea until you have understood it entirely.

Before you begin talking to another person, pause for a moment and
look at that person. Take in that person's attitude and feelings at
that moment. Be aware of the person with whom you're speaking.

If you become upset, walk away immediately. DO NOT express anger.
When you get angry, you lose. After you have calmed down, apologize for
leaving and continue with what you were doing.

Try to identify the personality type of everyone that you encounter
frequently in your life. Remember that people with the Sensing preference
need to be communicated with in a direct, concise manner. Speak plainly
and simply with Sensors, giving "yes" or "no" answers.

Try to be on good terms with all people, even those that you
consider beneath you. Try to understand that everybody has something
to offer.

Face Your Weaknesses! See your weaknesses for
what they are, and seek to overcome them. Especially, strive to use
your judgment against your internal ideas and intuitions, rather than as
a means of disregarding other people's ideas.

Talk Through Your Thoughts. You need to step through
your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time
to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll
find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise.

Take in Everything. Don't dismiss ideas prematurely
because you don't respect the person generating the ideas, or because you
think you already know it all. After all, everybody has something to offer,
and nobody knows everything. Steven Covey says it so well when he says:
"Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity
are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall
into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal
relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others,
or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments
can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.

Keep Your Eye on the Big Picture Watch out for your
tendency to become obsessed with details. If you find yourself feeling
very, very strongly about a small detail, take a big step back and make
sure that you can still see the goal. You're not going to get there if
you get mired in the details.

Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems
in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has
more control over your life than you have.

Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as
you judge others.

Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others
by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive
charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side.
Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes.
Expect the best, and the best will come forward.

Relax! Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively
unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in
relaxing activities.
Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your
passion and intensity for a respite.