Remnants vs. Remnants

Given that the
the last few weeks in this country have seen
the government gamble away it's parliamentary majority,
a series of seemingly increasingly regular terrorist attacks,
and then, worst of all, a residential high-rise building
destroyed by fire,
it's perhaps no surprise that nobody was talking about
cricket today.
No, this being England, there was only one topic of pre-match
conversation: the weather.
There is actually a certain logic to this:
a sequence of four 30+ days
in a country with a mild climate
does mean that most people struggle with the fundamentals:
sleep is difficult; and eating isn't particularly appealing,
and everything and everyone seems to move in slow-motion.
None of which is life-threatening stuff, of course,
but it is the stuff of life.
Moreover, the weather was relevant to the activity de jour:
with clear skies and a sunset time of 9:24pm
we had the perfect conditions for our
now traditionally engorged Remnants vs. Remnants game,
today's match being extended to 24 overs a side,
but with compulsory retirement at 50 for any batsmen
cheeky enough to play themselves in.
The match would be played between what was generally
agreed to be two strong and evenly-matched sides that were,
with a stunning lack of creativity,
listed as "team 1" and "team 2" on the changing room noticeboard.
It was clear that these were just placeholder names,
but like so many placeholders throughtout history
(e.g., "the movement you need is on your shoulder")
they stuck - and that despite both
sides being tasked with coming up with something better.
Remnants 1 captain Andy Owen called correctly at the toss
and elected to field, leaving Remnants 2 captain Daniel Mortlock
with the rather enjoyably difficult task of shuffling his
pretty awesome batting order . . .

. . . which meant it shouldn't have mattered too much when
Cam Petrie (13 off 9 balls),
Andrew Granville (11 off 21 balls)
and James Crozier (13 off 12 balls)
perished at the hands of Adam Long (a superb 1/6 from his first spell)
and Saurav Dutta (2/27).
But
further tight bowling from John Moore (0/19) and Faruk Kara (1/19)
left Remnants 2 in danger of failing to set a serious target -
certainly a total of 115/4 after 19 (six-ball) overs
would have been all but "game over" in standard 20-over game.
But there was just enough time for the Remnants 2 middle
order to assert itself:
Matt Samson (50* off 42 balls) made it to retirement;
Phil Watson (29 off 32 balls) batted just like he did when making
bucketloads of runs for Remnants in the mid-2000s;
and Temoor Khan (39* off 20 balls) simply went beserk.
His entire innings oozed class, but one four ball sequence
facing Adam, who'd been brought back presumably in the hope
of containing or dismissing him,
was extraodrinary, with consecutive boundaries coming
from a back-foot pull (4), a dismissive slap to leg (6), a pure off drive (6)
and a textbook cut shot (4).
The end result was that 59 runs came from the last 5 overs
of the Remnants 2 innings;
their eventual total of 174/5 from 24 overs
meant that, given the conditions,
the match was almost perfectly balanced.

Paul Jordan (right) instructs his two enforcers,
James Crozier and Matt Samson,
about whose kneecaps to go for.

Certainly the Remnants 1 top order weren't intimiated by
the numerically imposing target as
Todd Bridgman (52* off 46 balls),
Tom Serby (19 off 20 balls)
and Adam Long (42 off 36 balls)
took their side to a very healthy 119/1 after 16 overs.
Joe White (0/19), Paul Jordan (1/14)
and Russell Woolf (0/17, in his first Remnants game
since 2014)
all bowled well, but in the end the only thing that slowed
Remnants 1's progress was Todd's enforced retirement.
Then when
Daniel Mortlock (1/23) and Temoor Khan (2/27) both
got wickets around the 20-over mark the balance was shifted again,
although it's not clear in which direction,
as this brought Daves Norman and Green together for a partnership which
is perhaps best described as contrasting.
Temoor's fast-spinning leg-breaks were too good for Dave Green,
and he hence delivered the only maiden of the game;
but Dave Norman was in his usual destructive form, mixing clever
pushes for two with dismissive boundaries.
With two overs to go the result felt most likely to rest on which Dave
would get most of the strike:

People playing cricket.

Remnants 2 turns once again to the services of the prodigal furball
Phil Watson, who marks his run out for his third spell of the innings.
He's been expensive so far, his 3 overs having gone for 35 runs,
but presumably they're hoping that his unconventional parabolic
deliveries will be more difficult for Dave Norman to deal with than
more conventional bowling.

22.1:
Watson to Norman:
Dave gets quick in position for a big pull, but he can't time
his shot properly and the ball bobbles along the ground to
Daniel Mortlock on the square leg boundary.
There's an easy single there but the batsmen don't take it.
157/3.

22.2:
Watson to Norman:
Pretty much an identikit repeat of the above.
157/3.

22.3:
Watson to Norman:
Same delivery, same shot, but Norman gets himself in a tangle
and doesn't even connect this time.
Brilliant pressure bowling by Watson - three more balls like this
and he'll have won the game for his side!
157/3.

22.4:
Watson to Norman:
Norman plays the same shot again, and this time the ball goes a bit
finer, meaning there's a chance of a second run. Mortlock runs around
to gather the ball as the batsmen turn for the second, but he has to
dive to stop it - even though the return comes in just inches above the
bails the extra retrieval time means the batsmen are home.
159/3.

22.5:
Watson to Norman:
Watson overpitches and Norman pounces, belting a six over mid-wicket
that almost goes through the clubhouse door.
165/3.

22.6:
Watson to Norman:
Norman pushes the ball to mid-off and ambles a single, less interested
in runs than in retaining the strike for the final over.
166/3.

So: 9 runs needed from the final over, which is to bowled by Temoor Khan
(1/20 from his first 3).
Whatever the result, the match has the conclusion it deserves with
the best batsmen in the club facing off against the best bowler,
like Ripley taking on the alien queen at the end of Aliens -
but which is which?

23.1:
Khan to Norman:
Norman connects with a drive that goes to Joe White at long off;
but, just as last over, he declines the single.
166/3.

23.2:
Khan to Norman:
Norman rocks back and pulls towards the mid-wicket boundary,
but he's gotten under it - it's certainly not going to go for six.
James Crozier races around to his left and it looks like he's going
to be able to get to the ball . . . Crozier puts in a dive, hoping
to complete what, given the circumstances, would be one of the all-time
great Remnants catches . . . but he's moving too fast to get his balance
and the ball bounces through his hands and to the boundary.
170/3.

23.3:
Khan to Norman:
Late cut by Norman that Watson has to chase down. The batsmen get an
easy two and could go for a third, but again opt not to.
Just 3 runs needed from 3 balls now - hard to see Remnants 1
failing from here.
172/3.

23.4:
Khan to Norman:
Norman pushes the ball into the off-side and this time takes the
single. Paul Jordan fields the ball and suddenly decides to
ping the return into the 'keeper at full speed, even though there's no
run out chance; fortunately Samson gathers the ball and there's
no overthrow debacle.
That leaves Dave Green with two chances for personal glory.
173/3.

23.5:
Khan to Green:
Spins past the outside edge and into 'keeper Matt Samson's gloves.
Dave Norman has come half-way down the pitch trying to steal a
run, but there's nothing doing - and fortunately nobody goes for a
crazy throw at the non-striker's wicket.
So one ball left; one run needed to tie; two to win - 48 overs
of cut and thrust come down to this.
173/3.

23.6:
Khan to Green:
It's all over, got 'im yes, he's out! A flatter delivery this time,
which is on target and Green is bowled (for 0 off 7 balls).
Remnants 2 win by a single run.
173/4.

A tie would perhaps have been the perfect result, but this was
(obviously) pretty close.
By the time we got to the bar it was comfortably after 9pm,
but still easily warm enough to sit outside and enjoy the last of the
light.
A few hardy souls did push on for the traditional post-match curry,
but the rest of us were more disciplined and concentrated on
rehydrating.