The truth is that something horrible has happened. And so has something absolutely exquisite.

But you know that, don’t you? Because you skipped and trudged and crawled and danced your way through every tragically exquisite moment, right along with us, didn’t you?

That horrible thing and that wonderful one. . .well, they aren’t two things at all, now are they? No, my darlings. They are one. They are the same.

And this one horrible, wonderful thing is something that I wouldn’t give away for all stars in the heavens or all the sand in the sea or any and all of the tiny wonderful things the world has ever known. Do you hear my words? Let them sink to the deepest part of who you are, sweetest hearts. Because never have words held more profound truth.

The pain has been fierce and wicked and completely all encompassing. And yet, and yet. . . always, there’s a yet. . . the joy has been the precise balance to each suffocating pain . . . and THEN—that joy has gone and overflowed a thousand times and a thousand more.

Because, my darlings, who could I ever be without you? Without having held you to my chest and smelled your sweet chocolate skin pressed against my face. . . without the sound of your incomprehensible, unassuming. . . PERFECT JOY ringing in my ears. . . without my eyes having been blessed by the radiant light of your smiles???

Since I met you, I have fallen apart (and then back together again) at least a hundred times. Nothing about this has been easy, my darlings. BUT EVERYTHING HAS BEEN BETTER.

If you ever find these words, my beautiful Summer Flower, my Glorious Sunshiney Day and my Perfect Stormy Sea . . .please know, that despite the excruciating pain, Mommy will never regret you. You will, forever and ever, be the crowning achievement of our family’s life. Every sacrifice was a raindrop in the ocean compared to the swell of love and light and beauty you brought into our world.

“No matter where you go, Mommy’s love will follow you there.” I hope you can forever hear the soft echo of those words, singing their way through your sweet little ears.

But if you don’t, because someday, you won’t. . . I hope you always know, on the deepest, most sacred level, you are worth it—you are worth everything, you always where, you always will be, you always are. Never have I seen more clearly into the face of the divine than when I looked into your bright eyes. And even when you forget me, even when you stop hearing my voice as you fall asleep at night, long after you’ve stopped hearing my laughter on the wind. . . decades after you’ve stopped meeting me in your dreams. . . I will STILL and FOREVER be loving you, and you will STILL and FOREVER be three of the most beautiful angels to have walked their way across this Earth. . .and parked a while here, in our arms.

And yet, and still, and always, God is real, and He is good. He loves you, my angels. And so do I.

xx,

Mom

**Context: As a general rule, I don’t believe a good blog post should require a formal preface. But if ever there were an exception, I believe that it’s here, and I believe that it’s now. (Though, I still couldn’t bring myself to host said preface at the top of the post, le sigh.)

2 years ago, Richie and I became the adoring foster parents of three of the seven best children ever born on this earth—the other four came out of my very own uterus, and I couldn’t love any one of these seven humans more or less than another if I actively tried.

This kind of love, well, it’s simply ineffable.

We didn’t plan on any of this. When we met the children, we weren’t a licensed foster family. We weren’t even considering becoming a licensed foster family. . . like, ever. Foster care was one of those beautifully honorable things that other people did.

But one morning, we woke up, and there they were. (Believe it or not, I’m being relatively literal here, though unfortunately I can’t go into details of any sort [which has been one of the more challenging and isolating aspects of this entire journey].)

The short of it all is that they needed us. And wether she realized it at the time, or not, their biological mom needed us. And frankly, as we would come to learn, our family needed them too.

They didn’t just need SOMEBODY. No, I don’t believe that for a hot second. They needed us. And again, we needed them. The most pure and precious power of divinity brought us together. And that, is a fact.

And now, after a two year blogging hiatus. . . after just under 730 days of twists and turns and bends and forks and peaks and valleys. . . and free falls into what felt like the absolute oblivion of time and space navigating our country’s nefarious foster care system and fighting for these kids—it’s time for us to say, “goodbye.” This, my friends. . . is act one of that goodbye.

I just heard from the hosting site, and there are only a few seats left!Register now to reserve your space!

IS THIS COURSE RIGHT FOR ME?

This course is designed for any woman who is committed to realizing her full potential: as a mother, a small business owner . . . and a human being. It doesn’t matter if you’re just getting started or if you’ve been running a successful (or not so successful—deep breath, we’ll fix that) business for years—nor does it matter what industry you’re in (AKA: it is NOT just for photographers). It’s not important if you’re single, if you’ve been married for a decade or if you’re a recent divorcée. You may be newly pregnant with your first child, or you may have so many children that you’ve recently lost count. If you are passionate about living your best life—making your greatest impact on your family and the world—this course is for you. Get ready to turn those big picture dreams into balanced, engaging, passion-filled, and profitable realities.

STILL NOT CERTAIN THIS COURSE IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

If you can answer “yes” to any of the following questions, The Breathe Intensive is definitely right for you.

Is there a gap between where you are now and where you truly want to be?

Are you unclear about where it is you truly want to be?

Are you overwhelmed by the constant balancing act of business and life?

Are you frustrated because you’re working your little heart out, but you just don’t seem to be achieving measurable or sustainable results?

Is your family suffering because they’re not receiving your best as you focus on keeping up with the never ending tasks of running a business?

Is your business suffering because you can’t seem to find the time or energy to devote to it while simultaneously giving your family everything they need/deserve?

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost sight of your TURE self among all the different roles you play?

Are you less happy with the state of your day to day life than you know you could/should be?

HOW LONG DOES THE CLASS RUN AND WHAT’S THE TIME COMMITMENT?

The Breathe Intensive runs for 5 weeks.

Each monday, a new lesson will be delivered to our online classroom. Between lesson participation and homework assignments, and depending on the rhythm of each individual student, you can expect to spend approximately 3-4 hours per week “in class.”

CAN YOU GIVE ME MORE DETAILED PARTICIPATION INFORMATION SO I KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT?

All participation and interaction will take place in a private online forum. (Registered students will receive instructions on how to access the forum a few days before class begins.)

On the first Monday of class, I will share Lesson 1 in the forum as well as e-mail it directly to every student. Throughout the week, as you read the lesson and work through the homework assignments, feel free to post thoughts/questions in the forum space. I will be available to answer questions and facilitate discussions, and I invite and encourage all class members to collaborate and work together to offer feedback and facilitate discussion as well! (Note: I will be accessible via the forum M-F only.)

Each week will follow the same pattern.

WILL I RECEIVE INDIVIDUAL ATTENTION AS IT RELATES TO MY SPECIFIC LIFE/GOALS?

Short answer, YES, ABSOLUTELY!

I am PASSIONATE about real human to human connection. Not only will I be working to get to know each of you through online forum discussions throughout the duration of the class, I’ll also be sending out a questionnaire a few days before class begins to help me get acquainted with the specific challenges and needs each individual student enrolled in the course. Remember, anything you share in this questionnaire will be held in the strictest of confidence.

I’ll also be hosting four live question and answer calls throughout the duration of our 5 weeks together! Questions may be emailed in advance or asked during the live call. NOTE: calls will be recorded and links provided for those who are unable to participate live. Call-in information will be provided within the forum and via email.

Calls are scheduled as follows:

Friday, April 11 from 10-11am PST

Friday, April 18 from 10-11am PST

Friday, May 2 from 10-11am PST

Friday, May 9 from 10-11am PST.

ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN TELL ME TO HELP ME MAKE THIS DECISION?

Look, there are a million different “right” ways to “balance business and life,” but not every right way is the right way for you. I know, because I’ve been where you are. And in my desperation, I turned to mentors, I attended courses, I read books. . . all promising life changing results as it relates to living a balanced, successful, fulfilling life. In the end, not a one delivered on their promises, because those cookie cutter systems and structures are NOT one size fits all!

Undeterred (in fact, more resolved than EVER to find a way to live the life of my dreams), I turned inward. I turned down the volume on outside influences, got real, worked hard, and intentionally built—from the inside out—a BEAUTIFUL way of living, balancing and thriving that works perfectly for me (and my family too).

The Breathe Intensive was born of my desire to help guide others along as they do the work to build the intentional life of their dreams—on their own terms.

I am 100% committed to holding your hand and guiding you along as you go through the process of getting clear about what you want and developing a realistic, CUSTOMIZED map to get you from where you currently are, to where you are sincerely meant to be.

This course is designed to empower and guide you along as you build the life of your dreams—a life of intention, balance, meaning and success—in a way that is broad enough to include your loftiest of goals AND a concern for the ultimate (and most exquisite) well being of the people in your life who matter the very most!

WHAT RESULTS CAN I EXPECT?

I can promise you that if you show up with your whole heart and really do the work, together we will define exactly what you’re looking for in terms of business and family life and determine exactly how the two can work together to create the very most powerful ends possible!

The results? A more clearly defined end in mind, increased marketability and profitability, enhanced connection and satisfaction in business, and greater order, happiness, connection, purpose and fulfillment at home!

NOTE: THIS COURSE ISN’T FOR EVERYONE.

If you’re looking for a lecture, this is not the class for you.

This course will require you to step in and do the hard work (read “smart work”) to get exactly what it is you really want (and more often than not, something even better). It will require you to get in touch with your core, the deepest parts of the guts that make you who you really are. This course will require you to answer some tough questions and face some tough facts, and it may require you to change deeply seeded and limiting thought patterns that could be holding you back from living your full potential–as a mother, a wife, an individual and a small business owner. If you’re not willing to grab your life by the horns, with your entire heart and soul, then this class probably isn’t for you.

WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

You can register for The Breathe Intensive here, or simply copy and paste the following url into your web browser: http://www.thedefineschool.com/learn/breathe/

Scroll to the bottom of the page and click “Add to Cart” to be directed to the registration and payment window.

Wether you’re a “writer” or not, I’m a big believer in writing your way to a better life. (I should disclose that I subscribe to a school of thought that believes— if you are a human being, with a brain that thinks and a heart that feels, like it or not, you are a writer. You may be a writer who doesn’t write, but you are a writer, nonetheless.)

I’ve been journaling consistently since I was a tween, and the process has never failed to enrich my life and bring clarity and peace to my soul. Daily writing has offered me greater purpose, passion, companionship, fulfillment, clarity, equilibrium, connection, encouragement, direction, gratitude and peace (and that’s only the tip of an inexplicably expansive iceberg).

Even through my greatest tears and fears, even amid my most soul crushing challenges, even during the times when there was no hope to be found and despair threatened to overwhelm me completely, writing delivered hope. Writing shined a light on the dark and stormy places in my heart. Writing carried my heaviest fears and lifted my most horrifying burdens. Writing offered me respite from debilitating resistance and searing pain.

The bottom line? Writing will bless your life.

There are no rules. Simply put the pen to the paper, and go. You’ll be amazed by what you find.

Whether you’re new to daily journaling or you’re a seasoned pro, here are a list of 20 prompts to get you started or keep you inspired:

1. Think of a time when you felt deeply centered and connected. Describe that day (or that week or that month or that moment) with as much visceral and emotional detail as you can.

2. What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

3. Make a list of inspiration. Include people, places, things, smells, events, colors, activities etc. There are no rules.

4. What are you very most afraid of? What is the worst case scenario if that greatest fear were realized? Would you survive? How?

5. Describe your ideal work day: include as much detail as you can.

6. Describe your ideal personal day: include as much detail as you can.

7. What are your greatest strengths? How are you currently using these strengths to bless your own life and the world? If you aren’t currently engaging your strengths in the ways you know you could, what shifts could you make in order to engage these strengths more completely in your life?

8. What are your greatest weaknesses? How can you work to intentionally embrace and/or overcome them?

9. What are your greatest weaknesses? How are you still “perfectly enough” despite of them? How have these weaknesses blessed your life?

10. If you could sit down to lunch with 5 people from any time in history or the present, who would you invite to your table and why?

11. Who loves you unconditionally, and why?

12. What is the greatest success of your life thus far? What are you the very most proud of?

13. Write a list of gratitude: include everything you have been blessed with, down to the most simple things: like air to breathe in and out all day long.

14. How do you measure your value? What determines your worth?

15. When you think of the word “love” what do you see? and/or What other descriptive words come to mind?

16. When you think of the word “strength” what do you see? and/or What other descriptive words come to mind?

17. Describe the natural environment that most embodies who you are as an individual. Example, I am most like a meadow, because. . . describe the scene with as much sensory detail as you can.

18. How patient and compassionate are you with others? How patient and compassionate are you with yourself? Do you treat yourself with the same care with which you treat others? More? Less? How does this exploration make you feel?

19. What is the one thing you wish someone would say to you? What affirmation are you most eager to hear? Start with a paragraph if you need to and then whittle it down to just a sentence or two. Write this affirmation at least 20 times in both second and first person, respectively. Example: You are . . . 20 times AND I am . . . (2o times).

20. Project yourself into the future 2, 3 or 5 years from now. What kinds of memories do you hope to have created in your life? Be as specific as possible. For example: “I hope to have had happy memories” isn’t gonna cut it. ;)

Gah! I cannot wait! The Breathe Intensive: making it work for mother entrepreneurs is FINALLY online! And it’s going to be AMAZING!

REGISTRATION INFORMATION

What: a 5 week online course for mother entrepreneurs.

When: class begins April 7.

Where/How: The beauty of this class is that you can read, watch, practice, and participate throughout the week whenever it is convenient for you—from any timezone, anywhere you have Internet access, at any time of the day or night. Most students should expect to spend an average of 3-4 hours per week “in class” and/or completing homework assignments.

Note: Bookmark the registration page and mark your calendars! Unlike other online courses that simply open registration to an infinite number of participants, I’m limiting class size significantly to ensure I can give you the individualized attention you deserve.

All participation and interaction for this class will take place in a private online forum. (Registered students will receive instructions on how to access the forum a few days before class begins.)

On the first Monday of class, I will share Lesson 1 in the class forum as well as e-mail it directly to every student. Throughout the week, as you read the lesson and work through the homework assignments, feel free to post thoughts/questions in the forum space. I will be available to answer questions and facilitate discussions, and I invites and encourages all class members to collaborate and work together to offer feedback and facilitate discussion as well! (Note: I will be accessible via the forum M-F only.)

Each week will follow the same pattern.

Q and A calls: because I believe real human to human connection is such a powerful thing, I’ll be facilitating 4 question and answer calls throughout the duration of our 5 weeks together. Questions may be emailed in advance or asked during the live call (calls will be recorded and links provided for those who are unable to participate live). Conference call in information will be provided within our class forum and via email, and calls are scheduled as follows: Friday, April 11 from 10-11am PST | Friday, April 18 from 10-11am PST | Friday, May 2 from 10-11am PST | Friday, May 9 from 10-11am PST.

NOTE: As each group has it’s own unique dynamic, a few days before class begins, I will send out a simple questionnaire to help me get acquainted with the specific challenges and needs of the students enrolled in the course. Feel free to share as much or as little as you would like, or don’t fill out the questionnaire at all. This is your rodeo, partner! Remember, anything you share in this questionnaire will be held in the strictest of confidence.

The moment The Breathe Intensive was conceived, I knew the most logical format would be an online course. It is, after all, a curriculum developed for mother entrepreneurs—the irony of requiring time away from family and work in order to learn to better manage family and work was not lost on me. However, I maintained, and still do, that sometimes you have to take a few steps back in order to take leaps and bounds forward. Plus, I feared that the intimate nature of Breathe would be lost in an online community.

However, after Breathe officially launched in 2011, week after week, month after month and year after year I fielded dozens upon dozens—if not hundreds—of requests for an online variation of the intensive. I haven’t turned a deaf ear to these requests. I’ve spent the last couple of years sincerely considering how to make this work in a way that would preserve the integrity of the material—no, the integrity of the entire Breathe experience—while simultaneously allowing participation by those who are desperate to attend yet find it (during this particular stage of life) logistically impossible to do so.

Long story short, we’re finally there, and I couldn’t be more thrilled! In fact, now that I’ve done the work to convert the material to an online format, I’m seeing all the ways this will be an even BETTER Breathe experience than ever before!

I love this family so much that my face hurts from smiling so hard as I worked on their images! Meet Matt and Angie Sloan (and company). They are the most AMAZING photographer duo, and the most INCREDIBLE friends you could ever wish for. It’s impossible to be with Matt and Angie and their sweet kiddos without feeling totally safe, appreciated and loved. We feel so blessed to have them in our lives!

PS In other news, we leave for Oahu on Wednesday!!!!!!! One month in home sweet Hawaii! Mele Kalikimaka to ME!

Imagine spending time with someone who exudes absolute love and acceptance. Imagine the beautiful feeling of complete inclusion . . . even adoration. This is what every moment with Matt and Annie feels like. They love each other, and everyone around them, completely and without a hint of exclusion or restraint.

It was a tremendous honor to photograph this marvelous occasion in their lives, but the very deepest honor of all is simply the gift of being their friend.

Enjoy.

Annie, how’s this for frolicking? I’m pretty sure we nailed it. :)

I shot the majority of the day barefooted. Let’s just say that heels, low as they were, were not the best option for shooting on a ranch. :) Silly me.

The father of the bride gave the most touching toast I have ever heard at any wedding over the length of my career (that’s a lot of weddings). My favorite excerpt (because yes, I asked for a copy):

As I have reflected on the days and months that have brought us here tonight, I realize that this is a time of memories—of those precious moments of honesty, caring, thoughtfulness and love—these are the snapshots of my life as a father and ours as a family . . . they [have] become the whole of our experience. Childhood, parenting, is fleeting. The events of which happen only once. . . . For those of you with children or those who soon will be having children, never forget that the time that elapses between where you now sit and I stand is incredibly short, and once past, no part of it can be recreated. A lost moment is lost forever. That precious, loving, time-sensitive creature who adores you is the most importnat thing in the world. Your tomorrow is my today, and today, right here, right now, I would give anything to recover just one lost opportunity, one precious, past moment with that child in my snapshots.

To answer your question, yes, of course, I cried like a baby.

Every one of the girls in the image above is a past or current client (even using that word to describe them makes me cringe). These women are sincerely among the most treasured friends of my life. I love them completely. Left to right: Kellin, Alexis, Mei, Annie, Stephanie.

It’s the silliest thing, and I promise I’m not a narcissist, but the above image of me hugging Annie at the end of the day. . . an image I didn’t even take . . . is truly my favorite image of the day. Annie, I love you, SO MUCH. To borrow a phrase from Pride and Prejudice (which I watched twice as I prepared this post), none of us could have parted with you “to anyone less worthy” than Matt. I am SO happy for you both.

]]>http://natalienortonblog.com/2013/11/12/matt-and-annie-ojai-ca/feed/27Happier today: happiness and time.http://natalienortonblog.com/2013/11/11/happier-today-happiness-and-time/
http://natalienortonblog.com/2013/11/11/happier-today-happiness-and-time/#commentsTue, 12 Nov 2013 02:13:34 +0000nataliehttp://natalienortonblog.com/?p=6468COMMENT BELOW, AND YOU’RE ENTERED TO WIN A COPY OF THE HAPPINESS PROJECT BY GRETCHEN RUBIN: A CURRENT NATALIE READS TITLE FOR THE MONTHS OF NOV/DEC.

Over the last couple of weeks, as I’ve sincerely worked to achieve a higher level of overall happiness, this question has come to my mind over and over (and over) again: does it take as much work to be unhappy as it does to be happy?

I sincerely wonder.

Time is the great equalizer—we all have precisely the same number of hours in each and every day. What differentiates one of us from the next is not how much time we have at our disposal, rather it’s how we choose to invest those 24 hours every day.

I threw this design together, but the phrase is not my own.
It’s been all over Pinterest, Instagram and the www.

Let’s push pause on the discussion of happiness for 32 seconds and think about this concept in general, starting with some introspection: what is your goal? Greater happiness? Increased success? A higher level of productivity? An enhanced level of gratitude? Now think of someone who has achieved the end in mind you are anxious to achieve. Do they make different decisions with their time than you do? Perhaps? It’s definitely worth thinking about.

(Un-pause.)

My personal goal is an increased level of happiness in my life. Thus, I’m asking myself the following:

1. Do happy people invest their time more wisely than I do?
2. Assuming (as I am) that the answer to the question above is “yes,” the obvious follow up would be: How do happy people’s decisions with their time differ from my own—what, specifically, are they doing differently than I am?

Happy vs Unhappy: is the amount of work the same?

So. . . . I’ve had this line of thought running through my head (and heart) on repeat, and today, I happened “randomly” across the following quote from author Carlos Castaneda:

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”

I say “randomly,” because I really don’t feel there was anything random about it. The moment I read those words, their validity fell upon my heart like a ton of bricks. It was a message I needed to receive, in a moment when I sincerely needed to receive it.

What do YOU think?

I am not an expert on happiness (clearly). I’m genuinely eager to explore this subject right along with the rest of you! So please, tell me what you think!

1. What kinds of choices with their time do you think happy people make?
2. Or perhaps a better question is: what kinds of actions, thoughts etc do happy people choose NOT to waste their time on?
3. What kinds of choices with your time tend to make you happiest?
4. If you think back on a time of sincere happiness, how were you choosing to invest your time during that period of your life?

Let me know any of your thoughts in the comments below! Don’t feel like you have to answer each of the numerical questions above! Just let me know how YOU feel as it relates to the subject of time and happiness—be as brief or as long winded as you like! As always, I promise to do my best to respond to each of your comments personally!

Here’s to greater happiness, today!

xo,

Nat

Disclaimer:

Please don’t misunderstand. I am a generally happy human being. I am. But I want to be happier. I think there is greater happiness available to me. . . to each of us, and I want to get out there and find every ounce of that joy that I possibly can! (I KNOW you want the same! Just as time is an equalizer, I’d venture to say that the pursuit of happiness is an equalizer as well. . .)

This is one of my favorite images of myself, ever. It was taken by my dear friend, Gina Zeidler, while we were in Mexico photographing a wedding together.

You know why I love this picture so much? It’s not because it’s incredibly flattering (it’s not), nor is it because it’s so technically astonishing (again, its not. . . it’s an iphone picture, after all). No, I love this image because of the way it makes me feel. I’ve never seen such a sincere belly laugh captured anywhere in the history of photography! When I look at this, I’m transported right back to all the hilarity (and joy) of the moment it was taken.*

_______________________________________________

A quick grammar lesson, just for fun:

Feeling Happiness:

When we’re discussing happiness as an adjective, it’s all about how we feel. It’s no secret that we all want to feel happy. I mean, really, how many people do you know whose goal in life is literally to be unhappy?

Yet interestingly, many people (myself included) often make decisions in the name of seeking happiness that actually bring the exact opposite into fruition in their (our) lives. When you really give it some thought, it’s easy to see how and why this would happen.

Since happiness is an emotion (as we discussed in Happier Today: part I), it’s so easy to confuse it with other emotions that produce feelings similar to happiness. Thus, people find themselves (aka I find myself) making decisions that they (we) sincerely believe are leading us toward greater happiness, when in fact, the opposite may be true. Let me give you an example:

When I was young, I was a dancer and a choreographer (I actually earned a dance scholarship at the University level). During my college years, I had the opportunity to be involved in many wonderful productions both at my university and in my community. However, when it came to auditioning for some of the larger productions (national/traveling shows), I would always convince myself that I was simply too busy. I sincerely believed that I was “happier” participating in the smaller shows that were easily accessible to me—my feeling was that these shows were less stress and pressure and that they allowed me to have time in my life to pursue other things in tandem with following my passion for dance. At the time, I thought my decision not to audition for these larger shows was born of a desire to be truly happy. In retrospect, I can see that my decision was born of a desire to feel safe. If I didn’t audition, I didn’t run the risk of being rejected, thus I could maintain a feeling of safety and control (not happiness, mind you, but safety and control—really not even close to the same emotions when you lay them out side by side)! I chose to play it safe and missed out on the opportunity for sincere happiness—the tragedy is that I had myself absolutely convinced that the opposite was true!

I can think of a million examples from my life where I confused happiness with other emotions! I think it’s likely that you can too. Take a look at this list of feelings that could easily be confused for happiness and see if any of them potentially ring true for you (ps this list could easily be three miles long, but we’ll keep things simple by including only a few).

What do you think? Is it a little eye opening when we see these emotions displayed side by side like this? How many of our day to day choices are potentially driven by a different emotion than we allow ourselves to believe? It’s worth some real introspection, I think. . .

Doing Happiness:

There’s an old country ballad by Clint Black called, Something That We Do. I don’t think I’ve heard the song even once in at least the last 10 years, but this week, as I’ve been focusing more and more on the art of happiness, a line from the song keeps popping into my head. It’s a song about all things love, and of love, Black sings, “but it isn’t something that we find, it’s something that we do.” (As an aside, I think Bob Goffmight agree.)

We’ve all heard it said that love is a verb. It’s something we DO. Our actions surrounding love are what keep love alive. Love without action is simply an idea. Love WITH action . . . is power. Love, coupled with doing, increases both the love others receive from us as well as the love we feel for the people we share it with (as well as the love we feel for and from God and the love we feel for ourselves).

We’re merely dancing adjacent the true depth of the concept here, but you get the picture.

And so it is with happiness. Happiness isn’t something that we find, it’s something that we do.

Happiness, friends, is a verb.

Putting it all together:

What happens when we put all of this together?

1. What happens when we get really clear about the decisions in our lives . . . and more importantly, the true driving emotions behind them?
2. What happens when we turn happiness from a feeling into a verb—something we DO?

Could these decisions transform the way we think (and feel)? Could these decisions revolutionize the way we live?

Happier Today Experiment:

The Happier Today Theory maintains that when we are feeling unhappy, we have two choices:

1. We can seek out ways to avoid our unhappiness.
2. We can seek out ways to increase our happiness.

Assuming (as I am) that choice number two is the superior option, I’ve got an experiment for us. Let’s try approaching happiness as a verb. What do happy people do? How do happy people live? How do happy people respond to uncomfortable emotions? How do happy people manage themselves in their relationships with others?

I’m willing to bet my bottom dollar that as we mindfully approach happiness as a verb, we can legitimately become happier, TODAY! . . . and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, but most importantly, I believe this decision will increase our happiness in the here and now (and I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty appealing to me).

*Background on the image referenced at the beginning of this post: I was sitting in the tiniest hammock in the world, posing for a picture, and as I adjusted myself in an attempt not to fall out of said doll house hammock, I may or may not have released the most robust. . . um. . . well, let’s just call it what it was, FART in recorded history. (You can tell I’m a mother of boys, because I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life.)

Or do you feel as though you are in a never ending state of melancholy?

Or do you know that you’re simply getting by, rather than living in an abiding state of sincere happiness. . . real joy?

Maybe you suffer from depression or other mental ailments that make happiness difficult to achieve, let alone to sustain.

To each of you, I offer my most earnest namaste. You are not alone.

Sometimes, happiness is hard.

I’m going to be very transparent. October through January . . . hurt. It’s like somehow the days on the calendar are coded into my emotional DNA. . . October rolls around and my chest starts to pinch, a physical heaviness sets itself upon my shoulders and a dull ache arrives and parks itself at the nape of my neck. It doesn’t take much to make me cry once October arrives. It doesn’t take much to make me assume the sky is falling either. This bright and cheery time of year is hijacked by my grief (and/or the anticipation of it).

By February, slowly, but surely, the cloud begins to lift. But in it’s wake, I tend to find the pieces of my broken life, littered all around me. Being so incapacitated for 4 of the wildest months of the year isn’t really conducive to staying atop your throne, and climbing back up to reclaim your rightful place as ruler of your life can be as arduous and painful as the falling down.

And I’m done with that. Yes, sometimes happiness is hard, but I’m up for the challenge . . . how about you?

Join me as I test my Happier Today theory in hopes of encouraging a brighter, happier, more abundantly joyous future for us all!

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The Happier Today Objective:

I’m writing this week’s series with three primary objectives in mind:

1. I want to be happier.
2. I want you to be happier.
3. I think God wants you and I to be happier.

What is Happiness?

One of the most profound things I’ve learned about happiness over the years is that it’s an emotion, not a state of being. Happiness is a feeling that is inspired by outside stimuli—an emotional response to the world around us.

We can increase our happiness by the way we choose to respond emotionally to the events in our daily lives.

What is Joy?

Joy, on the other hand, is a state of being. Joy is achieved from the inside out. It is more permanent.

So why, you may ask, is the project called “Happier Today” when joy is arguably the more sustainable and desirous of the two? Good question.

Here is the best (and most honest) answer I can provide: While joy, as a permanent state of being, may in fact be the greater good of the two ends in mind, I still want to experience a greater consistency of the emotion called happiness. I think you do, too. Also, I believe that the pursuit of happiness leads ultimately to a greater undercurrent of joy in our lives as well.

Producing Happiness:

It’s hard to be happy.

Or, perhaps I should say, sometimes it’s hard to produce happiness.

Being happy, after all, comes as a result of producing happiness, correct? If happiness truly is an emotion, and we are the governor of our own feelings (aka our response to the stimuli that surrounds us), then we are only as happy as we choose to be. . . and the choice in favor of happiness is made one day, no, one decision at a time.

Over the last few years, a huge part of my business has shifted into the world of Personal Development Consulting (I use this obscure term, because “Life Coach” makes me want to gag). This wasn’t an industry I sought out. This wasn’t a goal of mine, nor was it even on my radar, honestly. In fact, I don’t really believe that one person can effectively tell another how to live. Decisions about life, and shifts in the way that we live our lives, ultimately have to come from the inside out in order to be sustainable (not to mention purpose driven and sincerely fulfilling). So, as inquiries for this kind of service started coming in, I initially turned them all away.

When the requests didn’t stop or even slow down, I did some soul searching and became aware of two things:

1. People are awesome.
2. People need connection and support.

Allow me to expound:

1. People are awesome, because they WANT to be remarkably happy! Other creatures seek fulfillment, safety, comfort . . . but human beings want to be happy! Not just happy-ish, but deeply and genuinely so. I knew this all along, but the constant influx of messages seeking guidance or help in achieving greater happiness (even from individuals who were genuinely happy already), was just astonishing to me. I was inspired and encouraged in a million ways.

2. People need connection and support. Growing up (high school into early adulthood, especially), I was fiercely independent. I was also generally unhappy. I was an absolute island unto myself. For some inexplicable reason, I wanted to be perceived as strong, and again, inexplicably, I thought that strength meant that I needed to stand alone. My “strength in independence” was sincerely my greatest weakness during this period of my life; it lead to far more isolation, anxiety and unhappiness than I could ever say.

As more and more people started reaching out to me, seeking support, I was reminded of this experience from my youth. “If I am happier and more successful when I’m sincerely engaged with others,” I reasoned, “perhaps I can help others find more success and happiness by sincerely engaging with them. . .”

So reluctantly, I took on one client, then another, then another. Now this very unique kind of consulting is one of the most fulfilling elements of my business and life.

The reason I share this with you is because over the years, as I’ve engaged in this kind of work, I’ve found an interesting trend. Toward the beginning of our time together, I almost always ask clients to tell me about a time when they remember being sincerely happy in their lives. Here’s the kicker—nearly without fail, their answers describe a time when they were engaged in important projects: maintaining good physical health, focusing on deeper levels of spirituality, developing a talent or skill, intentionally living with more gratitude and awe, investing wholeheartedly in an important relationship etc etc etc. I have never heard anyone describe their happiest time as being based on any kind of circumstance. In other words, I’ve never heard a report of this nature: “The last time I was sincerely happy, we were rich” or “The last time I was sincerely happy, I was skinny.” When I’ve asked people to dig deep and describe their happiest times, it has almost always been a time when they were actively involved in producing happiness on their own—through the choices they were making with the way they spent their energy and time.

But that’s no mystery, is it? It’s no mystery that we’re all happier when we’re participating in certain activities or when we’re committed to making healthy behaviors a constant, habitual even, part of our lives.

The Choice is Ours:

The choices we make inevitably lead us down one of two paths: the path toward a greater sense of happiness (and thus a greater sense of joy) or the path toward a diminished sense of happiness (and thus a diminished sense of joy).

I’m done with the incessant ache that haunts me throughout this joyous season. I’m not going to run from my pain. I’m sure I’ll still ache, I’m sure I’ll still have rough days, but I’m going to test a theory. . . and I hope you’ll join me (even if your life is wonderful. . . there’s always room for greater joy).

The Happier Today Theory:

When we’re feeling down—be it stress, discouragement, grief, loneliness or depression—it is our tendency to make choices to avoid or numb pain. Many (myself included) find themselves falling into the dangerous habit of distraction. We make choices to avoid our pain at all costs— by spending excessive time searching the web or on social media, by watching exorbitant amounts of television, by shoving our pain down with ravenous eating (or alcohol consumption), by seeking constant entertainment (and immediate gratification) in the form of shopping, going to the movies, going out to eat etc (not that any of these choices is inherently bad, merely that the driving emotion behind the choices being made is that of avoidance).

The Happier Today Theory is that when we are feeling unhappy, we have two choices:

1. We can seek out ways to avoid our unhappiness.
2. We can seek out ways to increase our happiness.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that choice number two has a higher propensity of leading toward greater happiness (and ultimately, abiding joy).

Join me as I test the Happier Today Theory! Over the next week, I’m going to be posting ideas and tips designed to help each of us (myself as much as anyone else) increase our happiness. . . TODAY. Engage in these happiness inducing activities with me, and let’s see if we can’t increase our level of overall happiness each and every day!!

This morning, as we drove the boys to school, Richie in the back seat right along with the rest of the crazies, everyone singing along to The Beatles (my absolute favorite band), reading family scriptures, having family prayer, and then shouting our “I love you’s” back and forth as the boys piled out of the van and bounced joyfully into the world. . . I was filled to overflowing with gratitude and joy.

We’ve worked so hard, Richie and I, to set up our lives intentionally. Early in our marriage, we sat down together and decided upon staunch priorities surrounding what we wanted our life together to look and feel like. (NOTE: It’s no surprise that the majority of those goals centered around the kind of life we hoped to be able to provide for our children). I’m so happy to report (to myself more than anyone else) that despite pitfalls, roadblocks, discouragement, and outright failures (yes, plural), we’ve remained committed to the things we deemed (together) to matter the very most. Case in point the ability to drive the boys to school—together—in the mornings, and the luxury of picking them up—together—in the afternoons. This is a small example of a bigger picture reality we have worked so hard to achieve.

Not to say that we’ve got it all perfect. We still have SO (so so so so so SO) far to go, but we’re on the right path—the pathway toward our intentional life, and it is so absolutely energizing and fulfilling that my heart nearly bursts with joy just thinking about it.

Intentional living will look different for everyone, but friends, do the work to get clear (about what you want your life to look like) and then get busy (creating the life of your dreams). You CAN do it, and you’ll be so glad you did!

Allow me to leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Ms Karen Lamb: ”A year from now, you’ll wish you started today.”