I have no doubt that
most of you know that Colt 45 truly sells itself. However, as difficult as
this may be to believe, there are people out there who have not yet heard Billy Dee's siren song of this premium malt liquor. I am here to spread
the word as an Apostle of Colt 45. More reliable than a miracle and just
as available as religion, salvation lies within, just as Jam Master Jay
and Reverend Run discovered. Without further ado, I present: propaganda.

The Print Ad

This one should show up
in magazines across the nation any time now, assuming someone from Colt 45
actually spots this, thinks its a good idea (which it quite clearly is) and
shells out some bills. I figure sales would triple within about 35 minutes
of publication.

An instant classic.

The Television Campaign

While most homeless
people do not watch television, this is not a major setback for this campaign,
because the majority of them already drink Colt 45. We're trying to reach
a broader market here. I have, at long last, finished the storyboard for
the first commercial.

I first conceived this commercial when a bunch of
friends and I were driving away from a liquor store with our newly purchased
forties resting snugly between our thighs (as phallic as that may sound).
As we pulled out of the parking lot, some jackass came barreling the wrong way
down a one way street and almost killed us. "That was
close," I said. "That guy almost broke my forty." The
rest is history. That one concept eventually led to this whole web
site. Now it's time to give the original idea its place in the pantheon...

A tense courtroom
drama unfolds and the defendant's attorney tries to crack the plaintiff on
cross...

The plaintiff tells
his side...

The defense is
incredulous of the value...

Lady Justice, be not
blind.

Rest assured, other
commercials exist in
concept. Also rest assured that they will prominently feature Billy Dee
Williams. I just haven't gotten around to finishing them yet.

The Radio Campaign

I'm doubtful that anyone
actually listens to radio any more, but I found some interesting sound clips to
throw in here. If anyone has any other sound files selling Colt 45,
particularly of my man Billy Dee, you'd make me the happiest man alive if you'd
hook me up.

The first is a tidbit of
an old
school Colt 45 commercial,
before their marketing went, um, shall we say, in its current direction.

What would make a party
or a barbecue more jumpin' than a keg full of Colt 45? Nothing.
Don't even waste my time trying to come up with a witty answer. Nothing
would and there's no power that will convince me otherwise. It takes some
serious dedication to get one, but it can be done.