Disclaimer:
This story is the property of the author, and may not be reproduced
in any form without my permission. Please email me if you wish to
post this on another website or republish in any format. This is a
work of fiction and any similarities to actual events is purely
coincidental

Summary: Riley
is the too shy, too smart 15 year old junior at Dalton High. Enter
Austin, the older classmate who befriends him. Riley falls in love
with Austin, and hope turns to ash. Part of the Second Star
'Verse.

Monday
came faster than he would like. Riley didn't know how he made it
through the weekend. He felt like absolute shit the morning after the
party. He woke up groggy and disorientated and there was a heaviness
in his heart, like he had a painful nightmare but he couldn't quite
remember the details – it came to him like a slap in the face.
Austin and Lee discussing Riley's feelings, Austin's dismissive
whatever,
and all it hurt again until he moaned throwing the blankets over his
head, and he refused to move for the rest of the day. He felt if he
curled into a tight enough ball he could just disappear into forever
and away from these feelings that ate at his soul like some kind of
parasite.

Everything
was screaming at him to skip lunch today. It would spare him the
sight of Austin's blissfully naive face, unaware that he's tormenting
Riley by being so close, and ignorant of the truth that Riley knew
Austin's thoughts about his childish crush. It would be the cowardly
way out. His feelings had already come between them once, and Riley
had promised to never let them ruin their friendship. However he
wished otherwise, Austin wasn't his and didn't even entertain the
thought of being anything more.

Austin
waved at him from the table. He was alone. Riley was relieved at not
seeing Lee, and nervous that the others weren't there to act as a
buffer. He hadn't heard from Austin all weekend. They shared an
uncomfortable grin when Riley sat down across the table.

“Hey,”
said Austin, smiling nervously. “Um, Katie and Marco are doing
interviews or something for Journalism.”

“Where's
Lee?”

Austin
frowned as if there was something unpleasant about the thought. “This
is actually his free period, so he went with his friends to Jake's
house to practice or smoke weed, or whatever.”

“Oh,”
was all Riley could say, trying to keep the happy note from his tone.

He
was probably right. Riley couldn't stop the vacuum of silence he
drifted in when Lee spoke or the subject of his very existence was
brought up. If he's gleeful over the consolation that Lee was
graduating next month, and forever banished from the school, it was
only tempered by the resolve that Lee still would have what Riley
didn't.

They
ate in silence for a few minutes. Austin looked like he was thinking
too hard about something, and the uncertain tension lurked up again.

“I'm
sorry about Friday,” Austin blurted out. For one heart-stopping
second Riley thought Austin was talking about stomping on Riley's
feelings and killing whatever hope he had with unknowing
carelessness. “I invited you over and then spent the entire
time with Lee.”

Of
course.
Riley stared off at the football field in the distance. “I told
you it was fine, Austin.”

“Well,
I,” he sighed, a frown tugged his lips down. “I feel
really bad about it. And you seemed kind of --”

“What?”
asked Riley, turning to him with curiosity stark on his face. He
needed to know what Austin thought of it all with a certain kind of
intense desperation.

“Distant,
I guess,” said Austin, trailing off uncertainly.

Riley
was the one frowning this time. This was why he had to get himself
under control. He was going to destroy the first good thing in his
life in a long time if he kept on. He needed Austin as a friend even
if that was all they could ever be.

“I'm
sorry,” said Riley.

Austin
wrapped his fingers around Riley's wrist. The grip was gentle and
Riley looked up into Austin's face, and he found himself momentarily
transfixed by the shape of his lips. He flicked his eyes away.

“You're
my best friend, and I don't want to be one of those guys who ditch
their friends.”

“What,
bros before hos,” said Riley awkwardly, trying to lighten the
heavy moment with one of Dean's typical jokes. He didn't think he
could take too much more of Austin's skin against his, hand lingering
around his wrist like he could feel how fast Riley's heart was
beating and was trying to calm its erratic racing with his touch.

Austin
shook his head, smiling honestly. “No, funny guy. I just –
you mean a lot to me.”

The
tension that had been in the air evaporated. Damn, if the squeezing
sensation in Riley's chest didn't immediately leave. He felt like he
could breathe again as whatever felt broken between realigned with
those words alone. He stared down at the table feeling a shy smile
form on his face.

Riley
swallowed still taken aback by just how wonderful Austin is, and like
every time he was thrown by it. “Me too,” he said softly,
meaning it with everything that he was.

“So
you're going to the show with me, right?”

The
question was so sudden that it took him a second to process it.
“What?”

Riley
busied himself with slicing his meatloaf to hide the open surprise on
his face. “You're not taking Lee?”

“Oh
my, God. Are you serious?” said Austin, whacking him on the
shoulder with his spoon. He pointed the utensil at Riley. “You
got me the tickets, so you're damn straight I'm taking you. Plus, I
always thought they were sort of like, um – our band. You put
on their CD every time you ride in my truck.”

He
secretly thought the same of the band, but to voice the thought out
loud would've made it seem like just another fantasy he'd blown out
of proportion.

“I
suppose if I must.” A put upon looked formed on Riley's face,
and Austin saw right through it. He threw a fry at Riley's head.

“Such
a comedian,” said Austin. “Your standup must be
legendary.”

Riley
smiled. He felt like this was right, how things were supposed to be.
“So glad you recognize talent when you see it.”

“Ladies
and Gentlemen, bow down. We have a regular Jimmy Fallon in our midst.

“I
choose to take your sarcasm as the jealously that is expected.”

Austin
poked him in the cheek with a fry. “You've become quite the
mouthy little thing.”

Riley
looked at him like, yeah and who's fault is that. “Just two
months ago I remember you saying I needed to become more 'sassy'.”

Austin's
shoulders slumped dramatically. He picked at his burger, sighing
sadly, “I liked you better when you were sweet and shy.”

The
way he was trying to hide his smile told differently. Riley could do
this. He could control his feelings. There was no way he was willing
to let this friendship wither away because he let fantasy intrude on
life's harsh reality. Under the table Riley closed his fingers around
the wrist Austin had held, feeling the lingering heat from the
contact soar straight through his fingertips and under his skin until
it tingled.

Friday
during study hall the classroom opened and Katie sauntered in, skirt
swishing about her thighs and heels clicking against the floor. She
strolled right past Mr. Mason, who looked up with a bored expression.
He was an assistant football coach and considered the period
babysitting. Katie slid right into the empty chair next Riley like it
had her name on it.

“Hey,
Boo,” she said, all bubbly and bright.

Riley
honestly didn't know where the nickname came from. It started a while
ago, and when he stopped frowning at the usage she'd taken to calling
Riley by it with frightening intensity.

“Hi,
um, don't you have class?” asked Riley.

Katie
rolled her eyes. “Home Economics. They had us sewing costumes
for the mascot. Which is honestly one step away from child labor.
Teressa Sanchez texted her mother, and she went ballistic. She
stormed the school like it was a sweat shop, threatening to sue. It
was great.” She pulled out some lip gloss and applied it
without pausing. “So the whole class was told to either go to
the computer lab or study hall. Everyone scattered to the lab, but I
figured you could use the company.”

“Serious?”

“As
a heart attack,” she said, sliding the tube back into her
purse. “So are you going to Lee's gig tonight at the Zone?”

“Why
would I go?” he asked, staring at her with a blank expression.

Katie
beamed at him. “Thought so. I'm bailing on it, too. His band is
good, but I'm nobody's groupie. You want to catch a movie?”

Riley
blinked. “You want to watch a movie together? Like just you and
me?”

“We're
friends aren't we?” she said, both eyebrows raised. She grinned
as his cheeks colored slightly. “You're way too cute for your
own good.”

The
offer to hang out with the three friends was given often. Sometimes
he took them up on it, mostly before Lee entered the picture. Marco
or Katie had never asked him to hang out alone. Austin had always
been the one to make sure Riley got invited places, and if one of the
others asked Riley it was a given that Austin would be there.

“Well.
What. Kind of movie do you want to see?” Surprise made his
voice come out in a soft stutter. He ducked his head shyly, feeling
kind of blown away that Katie was asking this of him. He thought she
put up with him for Austin's sake, but maybe, maybe...
she
meant it – they were friends.

“How
about a rom-com? I'm thinking something that will get you out of your
funk. A movie about true love overcoming all obstacles.” She
looked far too eager than the situation deserved.

Riley
peered at her closely. “Are all Californians so, so –”

“Awesome?”

“Hyper.”

Katie
flicked a piece of hair over her shoulder. “Hey, I'm not as bad
as Austin.”

He
chuckled. She had a point. “No one is that-”

“Mental?”

Riley
grinned. “Emotive.”

Katie
patted his cheek. “Aww, you're sweet. I don't know how you put
up with him glomping over you like some kind of mutant octopus.”

It
really wasn't a terrible thing. Not in Riley's opinion. Feeling
Austin's warmth pressed against him, whether when he slings an arm
around Riley's shoulders when they're walking home, or when he buried
his nose in Riley's hair as he's hugging him like he's about to
disappear – made him just want to stay huddled up together like
that forever. It was awful as it was wonderful. He tried to fight it
but there was no defense against it, and he had come to make peace
with that.

“You
didn't tell him anything did you?” Riley hissed suddenly,
feeling suddenly panicked at the mere thought. It made him
lightheaded and sick and Katie touched his arm, bringing him back to
earth.

“Hey,
now,” she said, frowning at his queasy expression. “I'm
really not going to get into it, but I do think you should tell
him--”

Riley
shook his head wildly. “No. No way.”

Katie
looked around at the other students. No one was paying them any
attention. A majority of the kids were in their own conversations or
jamming out with their headphones on. She sighed quietly.

“What's
wrong with telling him? Do you think he likes you?”

“No.”
The word slipped from his lips, heavy, and he swallowed feeling like
it took physical strength to get it out. Life had a way of throwing
the occasional curve-ball, but he knew this with a surety. People
like him didn't get happily ever after. They did get a ending, and
rarely were they ever happy.

“Well,
do you want me to ask him and find out?”

“Seriously,
he really doesn't,” he muttered, attempting to sink further
into the desk. He was trying really hard to put the party behind him.

Katie
nodded. “He's your best friend. You don't want to fuck it up. I
get it. I promise I'll stay out of it. You're both my friends and I
don't want to stick my nose into you guys business, I guess.”

“It's
just a stupid crush,” he muttered.

Katie
bit her lower lip and said hesitantly, “It's more than a crush
right, though? I can see it now – the way you look at Lee
sometimes... I always thought it was just your shyness, but you were
jealous.”

Riley
was blushing so hard that he could feel it travel from his neck to
his face. He could practically hear the blood moving through his
veins. It was like he was dealing with some psychic detective. So
what if he wanted to punch Lee in his stupid mouth every time Austin
touched him. She had no proof.

“You're
in love with him,” she said, her tone high with surprise.

He
winced. “N-no, that's silly. I'm not in love.”

Riley
just wanted a black-hole to form under his chair and send him
directly to some sub-dimension where feelings didn't exist and he
could drift aimlessly in a void of nothingness.

“Oh,
Riley,” Katie sighed, and then smiled gently. “It'll be
okay if you are.”

There
was no way he could bother denying it. “Promise you won't tell
him,” he pleaded, looking at her imploringly, panic in his
eyes.

He
felt like there was this knife carving into his heart. It hurt.
He
didn't think he handle the thought of Austin knowing how stupidly in
love with him Riley was. He might have suspicions thanks to Lee, but
didn't know.
He
didn't realize how deep Riley's feelings ran. He didn't think he
could stand Austin knowing, Austin looking at him differently, with
pity, Austin acting weird around him. He wouldn't survive it.

“So. That movie.”
He traced the number seven over and over on the cover of his binder.
The blank ink stood out boldly against the blue and he was tempted to
turn the number into a heart, but then he'd probably write something
stupid inside it and he already felt sad enough without adding to his
desolation.

“Alright,”
she said, smoothing her palms down the skirt around her thighs.
“Change of subject, noted.”

For the countless time
Riley wished he could just make these feelings go away or something.
Even as young as he was he knew that wasn't how it worked. Not
feeling like this seemed so long ago that it was hard to imagine not
ever being in love with Austin. On the bright side, miserable though
he may be, at least he now had someone to confide in.

-

Riley spent the
remainder of the semester studying for finals. He hung out with Katie
sometimes after school, usually after working out with Dean, and
Austin too, whenever he and Lee weren't on a date. The last day of
the school year ended without a bang, and school was out for the
summer. Walking home with Marco and Katie on one side, and Austin on
his right felt like an accomplishment. He was proud to be walking
between them. He was almost the same height as Austin now, and he
felt included, and not so obviously out of place like he always used
to be.

“I can't wait to
hit the beach this summer,” said Marco. He smiled almost
reverently. “I can see the waves now.”

Katie kicked a can down
the sidewalk. She shot him a sidelong glance. “You say that
like you didn't just go to the beach this past Spring Break. There
are other things to do.”

“Buzzkill,”
Marco hissed, staring at her as if lasers were going to shoot from
his eyes.

Katie blew him a kiss.
“Such a smooth talker.”

Austin looked at Riley
with a sly grin. “See, Ry, this is what they call in the animal
kingdom a 'mating dance'. Prime flirting, right there.”

The couple jerked away
from each other immediately turning to look at Austin with open
horror. Marco did a dramatic full body shudder. Katie looked at
Austin like she didn't even know him anymore.

“You're dead to
me,” she said, pointing her finger in his face like she was
declaring war.

Austin nudged Riley.
“How many?”

Riley closed his eyes.
His ability to follow Austin's thought process sometimes was so acute
that it boggled him that he couldn't always guess what Austin was
thinking. Right now was one of those times where he could read him
with a look.

“That would be
the sixth time she's said that just this week,” Riley answered
with a smirk at her glare.

Katie sent him a
glowering look. “Traitor.”

Marco still looking a
bit pale put considerable distance from Katie. He eased over near
Riley and bumped their shoulders together. “I can't wait until
I get back to the beach. Last summer was awesome. I met this cute
little blonde thing. I think she was from New Zealand or Australia,
or some shit. But man, let me tell you. She had the best tits. We
must've made out under the docks for hours.” He got a dreamy
smile on his face. “She had to leave so fast I couldn't get her
number. But she promised to come back this summer.”

The three of them
shared a look.

“Tell me more,
tell me more, like did you have a car,” Katie deadpanned.

Riley stiffed a laugh.
Austin didn't even bother. He laughed so hard he tripped over a crack
in the sidewalk. Riley caught him before he face-planted and Austin
leaned against him, still laughing with great jerks of his shoulders.

“Do you know you
just described the plot of Grease?” Austin said, staring at him
with a full blown smile. “And I'm the
gay one. Whatever.”

Riley
fidgeted when all eyes turned to him. He did an awkward half shrug.
“Nothing special. I think – my dad has something planned
for July. I'm not sure.”

They
waited at the intersection for the crosswalk light to flash. Austin
wasn't quite glaring, but it was a decidedly unhappy expression he
wore as he stared off. Katie tugged on the strap of his messenger bag
with an inquiring look.

“Sorry,
I was just thinking.” The walk sign turned and they crossed the
street. Austin shook his head. “It's Lee, I guess. We were
supposed to spend the summer together before he started at UCSF. Then
he tells me yesterday that he's going to be in LA the whole summer
with his band. Jake's uncle has a condo they're staying at while they
play some gigs around town.”

“They're
trying to get signed to a label?” asked Marco, not looking up
from texting.

“Basically,”
replied Austin. “It's the only reason I'm not pissed. I'm
trying to be excited for him.” The usual spot where they split
up came and Austin shook off his frown, managing a cheery enough
smile. “So we're hanging out at the park tomorrow, right?”

Marco
narrowed his eyes. “I'm not flying kites.”

“It
was only a suggestion,” Katie said, elbowing him in the ribs.

Riley
chuckled. “I'll be there.”

Katie
skipped over to Riley and wrapped him up in a hug that was all limbs.
He let out a laugh because really, it was so unlike her, and he knew
she was trying communicate through gesture how happy she was that Lee
wouldn't be around to mess up their summer with his presence alone.
She had become good at the silent support, and he was thankful for it
all the same.

“See
you tomorrow, Boo.”

Austin
stared at them hugging with an expression that could be considered
confused, as if he couldn't quite figure it out himself. Riley was
about to ask him what's wrong, but Austin suddenly smiled to himself,
rather sheepish, shaking his head as if he caught himself at
something. The group split after confirming their plans for tomorrow.
Austin and Riley walked their usual route alone now.

Riley
wondered about the expression, but he felt the window to ask about
the moment had closed. And really, he was tired of over analyzing
things when it came to Austin. He knew he had Austin's love. It may
not be all of it like Riley wanted, but it was something, and
sometimes it felt nearly enough. So when Austin smiled over at him
gesturing enthusiastically while he raved about the Decemberists,
Riley let himself be content with just this, him and Austin walking
together, and a warm glow in his stomach that he couldn't fight.

Austin's
phone beeped and he pulled out his Blackberry. He read the message
and let out a noise of irritation sliding the phone back in his
pocket a little forcefully. Riley touched Austin's arm and he could
feel the muscles underneath the skin coiled tight with tension.

“You
okay?”

Austin
sighed in annoyance. “It's Lee. He does this thing where
doesn't want to look like the bad guy. Ever. He always wants to come
off as perfect, like I don't know better by now. Like of course it's
not his fault he's spending the summer in LA, he had no say in it
all, yeah right.” He puled the phone back out and read the text
out loud, “'Tomorrow at graduation wear that red shirt I love
so much, so I can look out into the stands and see you. I'm sorry you
can't come to Jake's grad party. He says seniors only.'” He
scoffed at the last line. “Seniors only? Yeah, fucking right.
Like I don't know Jake's girlfriend's a junior. Tatiana already told
me she's going. How lame of a lie is that shit?”

“Very
lame,” Riley said dutifully, trying and failing to hide his
smile. He looked down at his hands so he wouldn't give in to the
impulse to just hug Austin right there and burrow into his arms.

Riley
couldn't even pretend to hide his absolute joy, so he stared
resolutely at the ground otherwise he's sure that Austin would take
one look at him and know.
Austin moved impossibly closer and he could feel his pulse pound
between his ears when he caught a whiff of Austin's cologne. Riley
didn't even tense up when Austin slung his arm around his shoulders,
subconsciously prepared for it on some level.

“This
is why you're my best friend,” said Austin, pulling Riley in
close to his side so they're walking hip to hip, and he felt almost
drunk. “You don't suck.

Riley
bit his lip to his smoother his grin. “There's a joke in there
somewhere.”

Austin's
fingers squirmed uncomfortably close to his underarm and Riley let
out a reflexive giggle. Austin grinned smugly at the scowl Riley
aimed at him. “That's enough cheek out of you. We're going to
have an awesome summer, Ry.”

“You
sound like the Disney character you look like,” said Riley,
chuckling a little as Austin stopped dead in his tracks. He continued
walking leaving him behind, laughing silently.

If
he was looking he would have seen Austin run up behind him. He
wrenched Riley into a tight hug and before he could catch his breath,
Austin's spinning him around and around like some parody of a human
carousel. A high screech of laughter exploded from Riley's mouth
before he could help it, and Austin's laughing, too, his eyes all
scrunchy at the corners and dimples in his cheeks that only appeared
when he was really, really happy. Riley dropped to his feet suddenly
and he doubled over, dizzy, and out of breath.

Austin
faked a gasp, clutching at his chest. “But I thought I was a
Disney character. And if you meant Bambi, I swear to you.”

“Clown,”
Riley said, finally seeing the world straight on again.

It
was so easy joking with Austin like this. He wasn't the shy, awkward
kid just now figuring out how to become comfortable in his skin. He
was accepted for all his oddness and wanted. This was why he
continued to hang around Austin even if nothing was ever going to
happen between them. Ever. No matter how painful the thought was it
was tempered by the fact that Austin happy was a beautiful thing, and
Austin made him happy, and those feelings allowed the little fantasy
bubble where everything's okay all the time to keep from popping.

The
following day at the park was filled with fun and games, and for
Riley it was one of the best days of his life. And they did actually
fly kites much to Marco's disgust, but gave in to his demand of a
two-on-two game of football. They stayed there for hours and then
retired to Marco's house and laid about his living room, eating chips
and heated up frozen pizza with a marathon of Family Guy. Austin in a
usual bout of Austin-ness had dragged his body lengthwise on the
couch, and fell asleep with his head in Riley's lap and mouth pressed
against the bit of thigh that was exposed from his shorts riding up.
It sent a pang through his gut and his entire head filled up with
white noise. Katie sent him a sympathic half smile, but he couldn't
help but think the agony was worth it even when Austin woke up (“Mmm
sorry, Ry. You make a damn good pillow. What time is – Shit,
I have to go get ready for Lee's grad ceremony).

That
first week they all got together often. Then the routine was over as
quickly as it started as eventually Marco went off to his mom's house
in Laguna Beach, and Katie got hired on a seasonal job working at
Forever 21. Without different class schedules separating them, Austin
and Riley were pretty much insuperable. They spent a lot of time at
Austin's place. His crazy entertainment system was perfect for
watching Lost, (“Seriously, you've never seen Lost?” “For
the third time. No. Is that like a band? “For
the love of – Not Penny's boat, Riley! Not Penny's boat!”
“I don't understand. What's are you doing?”).
So lazy afternoons they could be found wrapped up together under
Austin's Aunt Miriam's hand-knitted quilt with pretzels and popcorn
littering the coffee table in front of them. Austin's running
commentary was like having a living Wikipedia, and when he wasn't
explaining something to Riley he was watching his reactions closely.
Riley was torn between hating Locke and praising his tenacity.
Usually by the end of each disc Riley would have a lapful of Austin,
whether it be feet or his head. Once he'd given into temptation and
sank his fingers into Austin's hair. Austin's contended sigh warmed
the skin of Riley's calf and caused his insides to vibrate with this
sort of electric buzz. It was only broken by the epic
Jake/Kate/Sawyer/Juliet debate that ended with Austin glowering at
Riley from the opposite end of the couch. If Riley thought the pout
was adorable, he kept it to himself.

At
the end of the second week, of course things had to change.
Everything had been going too perfectly. Riley put the dishes in the
dishwasher while his dad placed the takeout in Tupperware. Neither
had any real idea how to cook except for some basic pasta, so
ordering out was typically the norm in their household.

“Jeez,”
said Greg, staring at Riley kind of incredulously. “I swear
sometimes it's like you're growing right before my eyes.”

Riley
squirmed a bit under the stare. “Uh, is that – good?”

Greg shook his head,
smiling. “It's wonderful. I may have did a shit job of raising
you, but you're turning into a fine young man.”

Ducking
his head, Riley smiled down at his sock clad feet. “Thanks,”
he replied softly.

The
door bell rang then thankfully rescuing Riley from the random
parental pride that both pleased and left him a blushing mess. His
dad came back from answering the door with an amused smile. He jerked
his thumb toward the hallway.

Riley
rolled his eyes and walked to the door. The front porch light was on
highlighting Austin leaning against the railing. Riley closed the
door behind him as he stepped out into the night.

“So
– what do I owe the honor,” said Riley, tilting his head
with a slight smile.

Austin
smiled. It wasn't his bright smile that he usually greeted Riley
with. This one was small and quiet. Though it lacked brightness its
warmth still shined through. He crossed his arms, and for once he was
the one who looked nervous. It wasn't an expression Austin wore often
so Riley froze at the sight immediately fearing the worst.

“I
have some not so great news. My uncle's girlfriend helps run this
summer camp for children of gay couples. It's kind of cool. I used to
go when I was younger, but anyway some of counselors canceled on her
at the last minute. One or two are fine, but she can't run three
short.” He sighed and Riley felt like he knew where this was
going. “She begged me to help her out, so I said okay.
Technically it's not allowed since I'm still a minor, but my dads
signed a bunch of forms and stuff – sad news is I won't be
around anymore until the beginning of August.”

Riley
smiled, but it was weak and he can't stop his shoulders from
slumping. “Do you. Give all your friends these dramatic
goodbyes or am I special.”

Austin
tapped Riley's nose with his finger. “You are the only
exception.”

“Really,
Paramore?” said Riley, his smile turning a bit more genuine as
he let out a incredulous laugh. “Are you going to start quoting
Arctic Monkeys lyrics at me next?”

Austin's
face lit up and Riley hated to admit it, but he found himself charmed
by the grin. He was a sucker for that smile. “Look at you. Two
points on the name that band board. I'm so proud.”

“Stop
it, you're going to make me regret coming out here.”

“Hush,
we both know you can't resist a good mystery. I've seen your hidden
collection of Hardy Boys. You would've scoured the globe when you
didn't see me tomorrow.”

Riley
cursed himself. He really had to hide those better. “Your lack
of respect of privacy is scandalous.”

“Look
at us with the word play,” said Austin, giving Riley a look
that said I'm adorable aren't I. Riley refused to acknowledge it on
principle. “I feel like we're in a Jane Eyrenovel.”

Riley
sighed. “I find you so exhausting at times.”

“Lying
liar who lies,” said Austin, but his voice lacked insult,
coming out too soft and too fond. He stepped forward and he was
really close now. He tugged at the sleeves of Riley's shirt, not
meanly, just something to do with his hands. “I already got off
for the Mumford and Sons show. I wouldn't do it unless I could leave
that day.”

“You
didn't have to,” said Riley, feeling touched.

He
shrugged. “Are you going to miss me?”

“Let's
see, since the show is mid June – that means I'll see you in
three weeks. However will I get by,” said Riley dryly. He
ignored the way his voice sounded embarrassingly light and filled
with something else. “You going to miss me?”

Austin
stared at him and there was no mistaking the fondness on his face.
“Like you wouldn't believe.”

He
poked Riley in the stomach drawing a brief, involuntary giggle out of
him. Riley kicked at him on reflex and Austin dodged, laughing. They
hugged goodbye, and he could feel Austin's smile pressing into his
shoulder. He watched him Austin walk away with his flip flops, neatly
combed hair, and purple v-neck tight against his chest, and Riley's
heart gave a sudden lurch. Only a minute had past, and already Riley
was missing him. The summer now seemed a long stretch of eternity.

-

Three
weeks later Austin returned like he promised. The Mumford and Sons
show was Riley's first concert and the memory of Austin at his side,
shoulders brushing his, as they swayed side to side singing to their
hearts content, he would treasure forever. All too soon Austin had to
go back, and he was alone. Riley continued his workouts with Dean at
the community center, and he hung out with Katie all the time
whenever she wasn't working. She'd become a really close friend as
the months past, and soon summer came and went.

He
walked past the Apple store with a pout that Katie ignored as she
took them up an escalator. He needed new clothes for school next
week, but he didn't think Katie would be a merciless tyrant. He was
beginning to rethink asking her help with this. The mall had never
seemed so endless before. Riley didn't think he was going to make it.
They finally entered a clothing store that didn't have some annoying
twee indie band blaring from its speakers.

“So
what do you think about the color turquoise?” asked Katie,
heading directly for the display of casual vests.

Riley
stood off near a mannequin, really wanting to hide behind it more
than anything. “I'm not really a fan,” he said
hesitantly.

She
just made a noise like mmhmm, and he didn't know if that was a good
thing or a bad thing. Considering she only had one bag while he had
accumulated three so far spoke of her dedication.

“You've
gotten really buff there,” she said, eying his torso
speculatively. “I see you all the time, so I haven't noticed
that much. But comparing you now to last year – hold on, while
I take a moment.” She fanned herself and Riley had to bite the
inside of his cheek to not smile.

Riley
scratched the back of his neck, uncomfortable. “I guess so.”

He
didn't think he changed that much, but trying to fit into his clothes
from a year ago had been impossible. Somewhere along the way he'd
filled out with muscles and gained height, and he didn't look like a
lost kid anymore. It didn't stop him from feeling like one though.

Katie
held up a shirt in his general direction, squinting one eye like she
was trying to solve an optical illusion. “Blue's so your color.
This cardigan was just made for you, I swear.”

“I
don't think cardigans – um, no thank you?” he trailed off
at her vehement stare.

Without
warning, the pile of clothes Katie had been carefully stacking off to
the side was shoved into his arms. She manhandled him into a fitting
room, and he stared at the mound of clothes piled on the little bench
in horror. There was basic tops, knit tops, graphic tees, shirts,
sweaters, hoodies, pants made of cloth, denim and in cuts that looked
so very strange. Riley felt like he was having an out of body
experience.

Riley
tugged on the third consecutive pair of jeans he'd tried on in seven
minutes. Jesus, who knew under all that awwshucks was an
ass like that. Stop blushing. I'm not after your virtue. I didn't
realize your body – aww come on, Riley. You're hot. He
straightened out the creases in the gingham shirt's fabric. The jeans
were unnecessarily too tight. They were those skinny jeans that
looked painted on leaving him feeling exposed and awkward, like he
should be standing on a street corner past two AM.

“Those
jeans are definitely going in the buy stack,” said Katie,
looking up from her phone to eye the clinging fabric in appreciation.
She leaned back in her chair like she did job well done.

He
looked at her skeptically feeling so far out of his comfort zone that
he couldn't even see the line from here. Darkness eclipsed his vision
and he stiffened when a pair of hands covered his eyes. Heat from the
body behind him pressed against him, and Riley let out in a low
inhale as a pair of lips hovered near his ear.

“Long
no time no see.” He shuddered as the warm breath ghosted across
his earlobe.

Riley
felt the thing inside
him pulse and smile and shatter once more. He jerked away letting out
a surprised and happy laugh. Austin grinned like a Cheshire got'cha
kind of way.

“What
are you doing here?” demanded Riley, putting his hands on his
hips. He couldn't stop smiling.
“When did you get back?”

“Got
back today actually. I wanted to surprise you.”

Katie
laughed from where she was sitting. She looked way too smug. “I
sent him a text.”

Austin
reached down to grab Riley's hand that was holding his wrist. Riley
didn't even remember putting it there. Austin smiled, bringing the
hand up to his mouth to bite one of Riley's knuckles.

“No,”
said Riley. “I mean, I wasn't surprised. And you're not
awesome.”

Austin
batted his eyes. “I get it. Surprise has made you cruel.”

Smiling,
Riley shook his head really looking at Austin now. His skin was
tanned almost golden brown from the summer sun. And his black hair
was cut short, close to his head. Riley sucked in a breath. He wanted
to reach out and touch it, but Riley stopped himself at the last
minute. Austin followed his gaze, smiling sheepishly.

“I
lost a bet with a 12 year old,” he explained, running a hand
over his head. He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, looking a
bit self conscious. “Does it look bad?”

“It'll
grow back,” Katie pointed out helpfully.

Riley
nodded. “You look fine. It's just hair.” He didn't add
that he thought Austin looked a bit rugged, and the way he was
glowing from the inside out, apparently Riley appreciated the look
more than he thought.

“Tell
Riley he needs to buy those pants, Austin,” said Katie, like
the imperial dictator she aspired to be.

Austin
twirled Riley around so he faced the trio of mirrors against the
walls. He stepped back and Riley watched Austin's reflection from the
angled mirrors. The look he's giving Riley was hard to interpret.
Austin stared at the jeans, and Riley shifted from foot to foot. He
wanted to put his hands in his pockets, but they wouldn't fit. Were
these made from denim or leather, because damn it this was borderline
indecent.

“Okay,”
said Riley, not taking his eyes from Austin's in the mirror. “Don't
make fun when I do wear them.”

Austin
let out a scoff of disbelief and Katie looked at him, hiding a smile
behind her hand. He was going to buy them. But he refused to wear
them out of the store. When Riley got to the checkout counter Austin
bumped their shoulders together, smiling as to say did you
miss me. Riley's returning smile
was answer enough, and the weird heavy sensation that had been in his
heart for the past two months immediately lifted.

They
restarted their tradition from the beginning of summer break of
becoming glued to the hip. The time gap they spent separated seemed
like a thing of dreams. If Riley's dreams included a lot of pining
and masturbation he kept that to himself. He could easily remember
the slow burn when he pushed his fingers into his ass for the first
time. It hurt more than he expected, but it was a good pain and he
wanted to feel it again with the real thing, instead only with
Austin's cock like he imagined. The memory makes his cheeks red, and
he's surprised he could meet Austin's eyes without turning into a
puddle of embarrassment, but he does and Riley held his stare these
days, and Austin looked at him, searching.

The
first two months of their senior year came and went without much
happening. College loomed ahead like some long promised paradise, and
everyday their teachers urged them to carefully consider their
future. Riley had options aplenty. Everyday he received more offers
from prospective universities than the last week. To hear Dean tell
it he didn't have to bother with any other schools beside UCSF. His
university was the only one that mattered according to him.

“Don't
turn those green eyes on me. I mean it. You owe me four more
crunches.”

“You're
just saying that. Because. Ugh – I said your school was a
backup.”

“Circumstantial
evidence. Now come on, boss. Two more. There you go.”

Riley
lifted his head to Dean kneeling next to him. “What, what
happened – to the days of taking it easy on me?”

A
snort immediately followed the question. “That was before you
A: started benching more than you weigh, and B: when you started
giving me all this lip. UCSF a backup? Shut the front door on that
one.”

Riley
looked over at Dean in his athletic blue shirts and black underarmor
shirt. He might look all jock-ish, but there was no hiding his
lighthearted personality. He was like a teddy bear. Even when he was
trying to be serious Dean always managed to slip in a joke somewhere.

“And
you're done, man,” said Dean, patting his shoulder when Riley
sat up on the floor mat. “Good job. Abs of steel right there.
You must be fighting back chicks at school.”

Riley
looked at the ceiling feeling his neck start to turn red. He shook
his head. “No.”

“Then
the dudes then?”

Tightness
pulled at his stomach and he looked carefully at Dean, trying not to
let anything show on his face. “What makes you think that?”

“Bro,
this is San Francisco. I don't judge,” said Dean in a tone that
seemed to say he really wouldn't mind if he was right or not. Either
way was fine with him. “Plus my brother's likewise inclined.
You remind me of him sometimes. Am I right? Does this mean I have
good – er, gaydar?”

“My
brother's single,” said Dean, handing him a water bottle. “He's
a freshmen at UCSF. I should hook you two up. Then we'd be like
work-out partner in-laws.”

Riley
stared as Dean awkwardly fumbled over the title. He blinked and then
burst into hysterical laughter. Dean followed suit, laughing when he
immediately realized what was so funny. Riley laughed until his sides
hurt, and until he couldn't even see with tears blurring his sight.
Yeah, Dean was a teddy bear.

It
was late October when the leaves started to turn brown. Riley hopped
off the BART and then maneuvered the coffee cup in his hand, so he
could skip to the next track on his iPod. Immediately, Meaghan Smith
sang in his ears about boxcars and waiting for your man. It was a
sweet song. He took the alley that took cut through Marco's street
and past the community swimming pool. Austin's house came up on the
right, dead center in the row of homes. The streetlights illuminated
a figure sitting on the street curb, head between his knees and arms
wrapped around his legs.

The
figure's features became clearer and Riley bent over to touch his
shoulder. “Austin?” He took out his headphones and sat
down on the curb. “Are you okay? What's wrong?”

Austin looked up and
Riley sucked in a breath as he got a good look at his face. Austin
wasn't outright crying but his eyes were teary and red, and he looked
so lost. Without thinking, Riley slid his arm around Austin's
shoulders. Austin scooted closer and rested his head against Riley's.

“Me
and Lee broke up,” said Austin, his voice sounded hollow.

It
repeated in his mind a half dozen times before it became clear. “But
I thought – Why?” There was no glee. He wasn't even
happy. He let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Austin
buried his face into the spot where Riley's shoulder and neck met. He
let out a sigh. “We got into a really bad fight. We've been
doing that. Arguing, I mean – a lot.”

Austin
let out a humorless laugh. “I was – when I wasn't
thinking about it.”

Riley
lowered his head. Austin being single wasn't the coup he thought it
would be. Austin was upset over Lee, and there was nothing Riley
could do to erase the hold Lee still had, Austin's boyfriend now or
not. Lee might as well still be here holding Austin's hand and
smiling at Riley like they're childhood buddies.

“I'm
sorry,” said Riley, meaning it because he hated seeing Austin
upset.

“He's
been so self-centered, like I don't even believe it sometimes. Things
are going good for him, and it's going to his head, I guess,”
said Austin, dejectedly. “Some of the arguments. They were my
fault. I just kept picking fights – I'm not sure why... it was
like. I can't even explain.”

That
sounded so unlike Austin that Riley wouldn't have believed it if the
information came from another source. Riley looked away, focusing his
eyes to the barely there stars in the sky.

“I'm
worried about you,” Riley said softly, unconsciously tightening
his hold. “Are you going to be okay?”

Austin's
lips thinned. “We said some ugly things to each other. In the
end. I think. I think the breakups been coming for awhile. It...
probably should have happened sooner.”

“How
long have you been sitting out here?” asked Riley, looking at
the Blackberry that lay next to Austin's feet. It looked completely
dead.

Austin
shrugged. “Awhile now, I guess.” He wiped his face and
made a disgusted noise. “I must look completely nuts to you.
You don't have to – I'm fine. I'm not going to jump in front of
a car or anything. I'm just. I think I'm more upset over the way we
ended. It sucks, you know?”

Riley
honestly didn't know. He never had a boyfriend. The only boy he ever
loved was in his arms now, and he was close and yet so very far away
at the same time. Their ending happened long before they could have a
beginning.

Music
hovered in the background breaking the quiet of the night. Without
words between them they could hear the music from Riley's headphones
clearly now that had been playing this whole time. Riley made to turn
it off, but Austin grabbed his fingers in a loose grip. He shook his
head.

“Wait.”
Austin picked up an ear-bud and held it up to his ear. He softly sang
under his breath, “I found the answer lookin' in your
eye, I go out walking all day long.
Vagabond, kind of appropriate I guess.”

It
was a song about innocence lost and breaking free. Riley tapped his
fingers against his knee to the rhythm of the song, and Austin looked
up at him with a grateful smile. Austin bounced his head to the beat,
and Riley didn't know if Austin was going to be okay today.
Eventually though – he would be just fine.

-

On
Riley's birthday, he woke up to his alarm blaring the morning radio.
The host's voice was annoyingly loud and after shutting it off he
found he couldn't go back to sleep. It's Saturday and he doesn't have
to be up, so he laid there for a few hours staring at the ceiling and
thinking. He was sixteen now. There was no startling degree of
awakening maturity within. He felt the same way he did at fifteen,
but he wasn't the same kid at fourteen who felt disjointed and
twitchy with awkwardness. In some ways he hadn't really changed. In
others he had. He pillowed his hands behind his head and took a deep
even breath. It felt something like progress.

He
climbed into the shower, and he stood under the hot water for a long
time until his mind wandered. The Austin in his imagination appeared
through the cloud of steam, stepping into the shower behind him with
a secret smile solely for him. Austin kissed his shoulders and then
the back of his neck and whispered happy birthday, because this was
what they both had been waiting for, Riley to come of age. Riley
jacked himself off to Austin's cock sliding into him with slow,
careful strokes and he came with a muffled whimper. The water washed
away the evidence from the daydream, and Riley stayed there until the
hot water ran out, and then until his skin turned cold.

When
Riley went downstairs the empty kitchen had that feel like someone
had been there recently. A wrapped box sat on the kitchen island. He
picked up the note folded on top.

Happy birthday,
Riley. See you tonight after work. -Dad

Riley
tore off the wrapping around the box and found a brand new iPhone
waiting. The phone number was scribbled on a post-it and stuck on the
box. A ridiculous grin split across his face. He eagerly opened the
box and powered up the phone. He never really had a desire to own a
cell phone before until recently. When he perked up at the iPhone
commercial, maybe his Dad had seen it because Riley had never once
mentioned it. He was pleased with the phone, but more moved by his
dad's silent declaration of love. It lightened his heart and was a
lot like flying.

At
noon he's distracted from iTunes by the doorbell ringing. He's not
surprised to answer it to find Austin was on the other side. He's
practically glowing with excitement.

“Happy
birthday, Ry!” he said, bouncing on his toes.

“Thanks,”
said Riley, opening the door wider. “Want to come in?”

Austin
shook his head. “Nope.”

He
popped the p in that way of his that he did when he was especially
eager about something. Austin pointed to the curb. Katie sat in the
driver's seat of a white Mustang with the top down, and Marco in the
passenger seat. She honked the horn and Riley burst into a grin,
waving back.

“We're
going out to the lake, birthday boy,” said Austin, he reached
over and lightly pulled on a bit of Riley's hair.

Riley
beamed.

November
in San Francisco was Riley's favorite time of year. Not because of
his birthday. Fall was simply the best time of year for weather. The
days were warm and sunny, and the nights were mild and clear. Lake
Merced was absolutely beautiful. Children skateboarded in the parking
lot, bikers and joggers crisscrossed on the paths, and people just
walked along the trails taking in the scenic atmosphere.

They
started with tossing the Frisbee around until Marco called them lame
and magicked up a football from some secret location. So they
indulged him in a game of two-on-two until Katie made a hidden
gesture, and they all turned on Marco. The face he made when they
ganged up on him was priceless, and the girly scream he let out when
they tackled him sent them into hysterics.

When
the sun was high in the sky, Katie got a blanket and an actual picnic
basket from the backseat of her car. They spread the blanket on a
flat area of grass in the shade of a tall tree. The food wasn't
anything special, just homemade sandwiches and snacks and some juice.
But for some reason they were best thing Riley had eaten all day. He
couldn't stop smiling.

“Oh,
look at the big man with his iPhone,” said Marco, nudging Riley
who was downloading Apps. “Do you think you're so cool?”

Riley
arched an eyebrow. “But you have an iPhone, too.”

“And
look at how cool I am,” Marco replied, puffing out his chest.

Katie
slapped his thigh. “No, but seriously. Why are we friends with
you? I need these reasons.”

Riley
slapped both hands over his mouth to muffle his laughter. Katie let
out an indignant cry even as Marco edged away from her. Then she
buried her face in her hands.

“And now the
Little Mermaid is forever tainted by this moment,” she said
sadly, poking at her turkey sub.

They laugh with the sun
shining down on them and it was a great moment. Austin leaned against
Riley when he laughed, and their hands brushed against each other.
The whole thing was such an enormous cliché that Riley hated
himself for the way his chest went tight. The pang of hope made him
nauseous now, because he knew that Austin didn't feel anything, and
that he didn't see anything in a guy like Riley.

The sun was going down
when they drove back. Katie dropped Riley at home first. Austin got
out too, saying he wanted to walk home from here. Instead of taking
off Austin walked Riley up to the front door. Riley's dad's car was
in the driveway, and he felt a smile form. He really wanted to tell
his dad how much he liked his phone.

“Today was
great,” said Riley, pulling out his house key. He looked at
Austin, smiling. “Thank you.”

Austin handed him a CD.
“I didn't wrap it, because I figure you already knew what it
was.”

It's just a jewel case
with a white blank cover unlike the other CD mixes. Riley looked at
Austin and there's a twinkle in his eye. He stared at him
suspiciously, a nagging feeling telling him to open the case. Instead
of a CD inside there's two folded tickets. He let out a gasp and
stared at Austin, who's smirking like he's done something especially
clever and couldn't hold it in anymore.

“These are
tickets to the Rocky Horror Show live!” said Riley, breaking
into an ecstatic grin. “This is – I've always wanted to
see it. It's like this big interactive show and they give the
audience these participation bags and - ” He stopped his epic
ramble, blushing.

Austin's wore a small
smile, amused and affectionately soft.

“Thank you,”
said Riley, looking at him with his cheeks still dark red.

For one fleeting moment
he thought about just stepping forward, gently cupping Austin's cheek
and kissing him so very softly. Austin stood there, waiting with that
too sweet look. Fear won out and instead of kissing him, Riley
stepped forward and pulled him into a hug.

Austin smiled into his
shoulder and said, muffled, “So you like it?”

Riley swallowed and
said, “I love it,” and tried so hard to pretend he's only
talking about the tickets.

Thanksgiving went by
quickly, but this year Riley and his dad went to Long Island. They
spent a few days there and Gran was in her element with the feast she
prepared. She didn't comment about their improved relationship, but
Riley caught her at times watching them with a soft, tearful
expression. Austin texted him randomly all during the time, we
have to go back, kate!, which made him snort, and my aunt
miriam keeps asking about you. i think she wants to adopt you, and
there was the drunk text that came in the middle of the night on
Marco's birthday, what it is to burn. this teen heart compromised.
Riley had no idea what the last one meant. It read like a song or
poem lyric and hours googling it yielded no results.

Riley meant to ask him
about it after break, but things got too chaotic. Those first weeks
of December were some of the busiest of his life. Early admission
applications for colleges were due, and studying for finals kept them
all pretty busy. Then there was the upcoming Christmas holidays that
loomed closer and the shopping time for gifts grew smaller and
smaller.

The winter break
couldn't have come at a better time. He doesn't know what it is –
he guessed that maybe Austin wasn't over Lee as much as he appeared
or school was stressing him out, because he's quieter these days. His
hair had grown out past it's usual length, and it went curly at the
ends since he didn't do much to it in the mornings, because he was
always running late to school now. Austin was quick to reassure
people he was fine, but the circles under his eyes made Riley think
he wasn't getting much sleep at night. He appeared worn out even if
he was still smiling and charming, it seemed like an act. Through it
all Riley worried. It was a constant thing at the back of his
mind centered on Austin, on his well-being, and it didn't go away. He
just really wanted Austin to be okay.

They're both walking
home after saying goodbye to Katie and Marco at their normal
juncture. The weather was overcast and they walked in silence. It
wasn't awkward like it would have been last year, when Riley would've
struggled for something to say to fill that void. Now it was
comfortable and nice, and they were at the point where they both
didn't mind such moments. Riley's house came up, and they stopped by
the mailbox.

“So I'll see you
next week when I get back from my aunt's place,” said Austin.
He tugged on Riley's ear in that habitual way of his. “Don't
miss me too much.”

Riley tapped his chin,
pretending to think. “I feel like we've had this conversation
before.”

“Try not to get
into trouble while I'm gone.”

“You say that
like, like I'm Bilbo Baggins or something,” said Riley,
laughing. “Like I go looking for trouble.”

Austin nodded, still
smiling at him, warm and sure. He squeezed Riley's fingers once,
briefly, and then turned away to cross the street. Once Riley's
imagination would have ran wild with the gesture, over-analyzing and
reading too much into it, but he got it now. That was as much as he
was ever going to get. He was okay with that. His heart couldn't take
anymore false hope.

[end part iii]

Author
Notes;I got a lot of amazing responses from people for the last
chapter. Thanks so much for the really nice emails. They keep me
pumped and really anxious to get this out to you guys. I hope you
enjoyed this chapter. The next part is the last one. It will be out
next week so don't miss the conclusion!

I
appreciate any feedback or if you just want to drop a quick line, I
will definitely email you back! You can do it here at
Batmanhater@aol.com