Thursday, April 27, 2006

I Ain't No Stripper

Orel Hershiser on ESPN2 before tonight's game: "Josh Beckett will have a breakout year this year for the Boston Red Sox."

Me: "Uh-ohhhh."

Sure enough, the jinx was on. I'm sure it was just for tonight, though. Not that it would've helped too much tonight, but we really need Coco back.

Conversation overheard between a Dunbar fan and a Cardinals fan:

DF: How'd the yanks do last night?

CF: They lost to the Devil Rays. And Sheffield made the last out with the bases loaded. It was a heartbreaker.

DF: Not for me, you know why? 'Cuz I was asleep, heh heh.

Didn't I mention last night, during the game in question, that yankee fans were asleep, while I (and as it turns out, this 88-year old Cardinal fan) was up watching their team?

Tonight I saw a commercial where Johnny Damon wears the "yankees Universe" shirt that I've mentioned before on this blog. It's stuff like this that make me remember that Johnny's full of crap. He talks to national reporters as if the yankees are tying him down and forcing him to play for them. Then he--once the face of "Red Sox Nation"--turns around and dons a "yankee Universe" shirt, thinking only yankee fans can see it. He needs to realize that he's going to be booed no matter what he does, short of playing for the yanks in a Red Sox uniform and telling the official scorer to give any runs he's responsible for to the Red Sox.

Another thing I don't get about Dirt Dog is his desire to wuss-ify the greatest rivalry in sports. It's such a part of being a Sox or a yanks fan. To have your side, and the opposite side. Dads are dads and Dougs are Dougs and never the twain shall meet, if you know what I mean. He's turning Red Sox fans into strippers. Let me explain. You know how our male-dominated society has tricked females into thinking stripping or porno acting is respectable and empowering? Like, "Yeah, honey, stay strong....and keep taking off your clothes for my amusement. You're one of us, one of the guys...we totally don't talk about your butt while you're walking away."

Well, it's like that. Some Red Sox fans think that if we just stop saying "yankees suck," or if we cheer for the other team, or not hate our rival, that will somehow make us "classier," and then we can all live in peace and harmony. But this is a game. They're gonna hate us regardless. Yes, you respect your opponent...unless they're the goddamn yankees! You think their fans are gonna change their opinion of us if we cheer Damon? And say to us on the street, "That was good of you. I therefore will stop making fun of your team"? Hell, no! They're gonna say "What a fucking wuss you are! Boston sucks!" And what would the rivalry be without that? Why can't we hate them with everything we've got and they do the same?

That's the "genius" of the yanks calling themselves "classy." It's so they and their fans can get away with being about the least "classy" beings you'll ever meet. Some Sox fans are actually fooled by it: "Oh, I hear they're classier than us. Let's not hate them so much so we can be classy, too." And then we get walked all over by those cretins anyway.

If you don't want to be a part of the rivalry, move to southern California. There are plenty of teams out there you can root for and not give a shit whether they win or lose. Get there in the third, leave in the seventh, smoke some weed and don't even check the score in the morning. Because, hey, we're all winners deep inside! Yeah! It's just a game!

Seriously, this isn't society, it's baseball. You can say "I hate those guys, I like these guys." It doesn't matter. You can "hate" the yankees without being a bad person. I'm telling you, I saw Jorge Posada at the fucking Cold Stone last year. Did I start swinging at him? No. We talked about ice cream. But when he puts on the pinstripes, he's not a person, he's a piece of crap who must be destroyed. All right, maybe just put out on a 4-6 fielder's choice.

Damn straight, we hate the Yankees as an abstract concept, not the indivdiuals involved. I mean, seriously, is there a Red Sox fan who LIKES Julian Tavares as a person? I mean, seriously, if I ever met Mariano Rivera I would flipout and gush at him, but when he's on the mound, I want the Red Sox batters to destroy his soul and make him cry. It's nothing personal.

With that said, Orel Hershiser is the first MLB player turned broadcaster who has not made me want to ram my fist through my television set.

This is why I love your site; you put your soul into it. I know how much you love to hate us Yank fans. We're spoiled, fair weather, deluded, narcissitic, etc, etc. All the stereotypes. Do you ignore, or not know that there are legions of us out there with the same love, the same family tradition, and the same "live and die with every pitch" passion for our team that you and a lot of other Sox fans have. Maybe '96 to '00 made you forget that there were were a lot of us that spent a decade and a half in mediocrity. Come on Jere, recognize that on the other side of this rivalry there are a shitload of harcore "Dunbar" fans that know what the fuck is up in baseball. I am not here to shoot down your being a zealous advocate for the Sox; I'm just trying to prevent you from being stupid enough to consider that guy you encountered talking about being asleep during the game a Yankee fan by any standard. All that aside I think what BDD is trying to do is deviate from the type of Yankee hating that screams out "inferiority complex". You're big boys now w/ring to prove it. Don't try to tell me a good amount of the hate from the Boston side did not stem from Bucky Dent, Aaron "Fucking" Boone, and lot of Yankee success over the years. Either way, next Monday going to be interesting so let the good times roll. Oh, by the way, your angry tone tonite didn't stem from your golden boy getting fucking rocked by the Tribe, did it Jere? Just messin' w/ya, I know it did. -Bloodyank78

bloodyank--"Do you ignore, or not know that there are legions of us out there with the same love, the same family tradition, and the same "live and die with every pitch" passion for our team that you and a lot of other Sox fans have."

Assuming that's a question, despite the mark which usually notates such a thing, yes, I know it, and no, I don't ignore it, as I have said about a million times on this blog.

And when did I say my anger didn't come from all those yankee successes? Of course it did, but I grew up in the 80s, having never experienced a yankee World Series victory until I was 21 years old...do you think I hated the yanks any less through my childhood, though? No, I didn't. It still made me wanna puke watching Winfield walk to first while watching his homer, hearing Scooter ROOT for the yanks all game long (and then leave the park before the game ended), etc, etc. I was happy when they'd be in last place, but still sickened by the talk of class and mystique and aura and the average Joe on the street wearing a yankee hat because, well, the sun was out. And don't keep perpetuating this myth that the yanks went through "hard times," ever. They had the best record of any team in the 80s, I'm pretty sure. Their rough times were only rough relative to their past.

So, my point is, while 2004 was sweet, I don't see why I'd hate the yanks any less. Especially since you and all the other yankee fans can't seem to admit that it actually happened. Maybe if you'd just tip your hat to us for it, I'd be less mad at you. But what fun would that be?

"did I start swinging at him?"...hehehehe You just gave me the funniest mental image- I cracked up. Also, "a piece of crap that must be destroyed"...This is your funniest post EVER! Like Brian Regan funny. Congrats!

It's not that bad and could be quite worse. My comment was not written in anger, but puzzlement. We're in good shape, soon to get better, and I'm reasonably happy. And your post was right on. It's when the uniforms come on that the emotions turn evil. They're just people trying to earn a living. nice guys, with a couple exceptions that you can easily identify. Boy, a dominant Matt would be a good thing tonight, wouldn't it.

Funniest post ever...thanks, Brian. I was trying to get that "yelling and being mad while still funny" across, I guess it worked for you. Nice.

Cyn-- "I love how Yankees fans pretend they don't have the same hatred toward the Red Sox." That's exactly what I'm talking about. It's like, Oh I can't even bother thinking about YOUR team, I'm too CLASSY for that. But when I go into yankee Stadium, they kind of, uh, show that they're full of crap. I remember my friend's dad, yankee fan, in the car on the way to the Bronx when I was 15, saying, "You can't HATE the Red Sox, 'cuz they're LOSERS." I know he was trying to get under my skin, but still, I thought, "Uh, but I can hear the hatred in your voice, dude."

Can I just back-pedal to that So. Cal. comment? I saw a game in Anaheim and half the people left at the seventh inning stretch because they thought the game was over. (I'm only exaggerating slightly--a quarter of the "fans" left.)Mom

Oh sure, there are real Dunbar fans out there. I even know a few of them. I would never say those people who are actually fans love their team any less.

I find it amusing to hear a Dunbar fan talking about Beckett getting "fucking rocked" by the Indians (a World Series contender), when Randy Johnson was "fucking rocked" by the Blue Jays (nuh-uh) what, a week and a half ago?

I would cheer Damon in his first AB. He could have stolen my Grandma's purse and I'd still cheer him one more time for his time in Boston. He was a great player, a good guy, a big part of 2004, and always played hard. I find it really easy to acknowledge guys like that.

The Yankees I hate is the abstract culture that has been propped up around them. I don't hate Derek Jeter AT ALL, even when he's playing. I hate the way the media and the broadcasters react to him. I hate the way the media and the baseball community frame the Yankees as an idea. But to be fair, guys like Jason Varitek are treated the same way. It's fucking dumb. It just happens to be endemic and all encompassing with the Yankees, but sportswriters and broadcasters are idiots, and the Yankees, in New York, with all their success, are always going to be a perfect storm for that sort of brainless hyperbole.

I have zero personal animus towards any player short of maybe Gary Sheffield, which would be true no matter what team he's on.

I'm just really sick of the rivalry, the circus atmosphere, the rush to turn as much attention from the actual baseball as possible- who's fans are better, who's players are bigger dickheads, who's classier. I'm sorry, but as much as I hate the Yankee culture and any fan that buys into it, Red Sox fans can be just as bad. This is why I try not to get into this much.

Red Sox fans are obnoxious in their own ways. I actually (unfortunately) agree with Dirt Dog. The Yankee obsession is really, really tired to me. I just can't even hate them anymore. They are what they are and so what.

I just don't want to buy into this Yankee fan/ Red Sox fan pissing match anymore. I just don't enjoy it at all.