Robots coming for your blogging job

“Beep boop…have you hear the one about hipsters and their cupcakes? Beep boop”

I don’t care what anyone says: we’re living in the future. We carry around our tiny computers that easily do stuff that we can’t even pull off ourselves. Algorithms can hook up our love lives and tell us what we want to buy. It was thought that machines wouldn’t be able to replace the human feeling involved in writing, but it looks like we were dead wrong.

Phil Parker, a marketing professor at Insead Business School, has developed a series of algorithms that can write an entire book in minutes. That’s right, this technology is coming for your creative writing degree. Why oh why didn’t we listen to our parents about the Iowa Writer’s Workshop being a waste of time? Parker’s technology can mimic types of formulaic writing, which means that you can pretty much give up on authoring the next 50 Shades of Grey-type hit or penning the next 2 Broke Girls. How concerned should we be? Maybe just a little, but the only writers who really need to worry about being replaced are the mediocre ones, which of course, isn’t any of us, right? Right?

In using science to create literature, Parker has effectively taken away the rights of creative types to lord their artistry over science nerds. Parker even goes after bloggers, saying that their method of “[reading] 3 different articles, [reading] a Wikipedia page…can be replaced with algorithms.” Low blow, man. But if computers want to do the blogging, fine. It’ll only be a matter of days before they somehow develop a debilitating need for coffee.