On the verge

She stared out to sea from the deserted beach she discovered by accident. She loved to take off in her car and let her intuition guide her way. Sometimes it resulted in a literal dead end, one way street but there were times when it yielded treasures just like it did today. Imaging a beautiful beach all to yourself. Here in the rugged landscape of her country, a place she felt so connected to in spirit, there was never a point too far away from beauty. It was her escape, getting into her car and driving. It felt like her space, you know, the place she was alone, thinking to herself, listening to music and feeling the power of being in control of the car and of where she was going. It rarely felt like that anywhere else in her life. So this time it was like others, she had felt a crippling fear of being caged in, she couldn’t breath after receiving that text message. The kind of message that makes your world crumble beneath your feet when only a moment before you were deliriously happy that this time, with this guy, it was good, it was working. But really deep down she knew that she was lying to herself. Its just she had gotten so used to the roller coaster ride that these guys she always drew to her brought her on.

So there she stood on that beach and the overwhelming feeling that began to rise and crash over her like a wave crashing to the shore. Why her, why the hell does it always have to turn to shit and how the hell is it these guys seem to find her just when she has picked herself up, brushed off her self-esteem and gotten back to a happy place after the last one?

Her thoughts were interrupted by screeches of seagulls fighting on the beach, flapping their wings in combat over who would be the successful mate of the female. God even female birds get males fighting over them and she couldn’t even manage to keep just one stupid asshole. Bloody hell, now she was comparing herself to the birds, she was losing her grip on her sanity. But it wasn’t surprising, he had worn her down over months previously until she no longer resembled the happy, outgoing girl she was before she met him…..