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Thursday, October 20, 2011

To realize the necessity of self-deprogramming through and as words by speaking the words what I live and to live what I speak as one as equal.

To realize the simple basic principle with what we can practically embrace reality at any level, simply because there is always common sense how to get to the self realization but with an absolute and eternal starting point - we always wobble through experiences defined by ourselves as unstable by simply being lost within the details while unable to realign self with the 'big picture' - to develop real unconditional stability as self as expression.

That's why the basic principle is that I am always one and equal with and as my reality. If the actual experience what I face, is about to manifest, the point, for instance "fear from being disposed from a relationship as the other might chang his/her mind", then I am the point as I face fear within and as me from this point, then I am one and equal with what I manifested, the whole physically 'touchable' experience: as I built up a relationship and I defined myself through and as it and I trusted it and the next day it is gone, and I feel strange, uncomfortable, because my starting point for a while was not me as self as life as all as one as equal - then as it's gone - a part of me is gone, and if it's gone, then it's starting point was not consistent, was not me, was not real. Then I miss the thing, even when I am aware of it was not 'real' from 'me', because it had conditions, it was not here, then it was here and then it is not here again - not really trustworthy.

That's why I realize - no matter how deep shit I dig myself into - there is no choice - do I come out or not it is already obviously here.

By realizing that there is 'no choice', I take responsibility and I stand up, not even hesitateing for a blink when it comes to 'choice' - if I am here, I direct, and if I am not here - I experience everything through my 'unreal' past-based, limited perception - so what 'comes in' is already flawed, shifted, twisted by my definitions of things, therefore actually I face my manifested expression of unrealistic perceptions and at least but the most really, the physical consequences.

Then if I apply the basic principle of neness and equality for daily life - I slowly but surely change and I align myself to the only possible 'exposure', the whole existence as me as one as equal as life - as I take responsibility as creation for what I accept and allow.And then I realize what personally myself is what I accept and allow as "my" existence. Then I see the reality right here, in front of me.

To see the fucking reality is the most simplest thing ever: Just check out how humans fuck up everything in all ways wherein some rule the most by simply creating this energy-value-money-vacuum-system and with that abusing the distribution of power, energy as life - and by everyone's acceptance of the prices and values - people actually die meanwhile the other one wastes hundred times more 'money-energy' with what many could at least not die. And then comes the justification of 'natural selection' what is simply the greatest nazi thing by simply to say that if you are poor, you should actually die, please.

I do not need to find reasons to explain this point more: if we can not love our neighbor as ourselves - we are not even close to actual 'living' as 'life'. Because this is abuse - and if I see it on practical level - I see that we could actually change this world quite fast with an Equal Money System - the true distribution of power as for the first time real love could be expressed through and as everybody simply by granting the same qualities for living in this world - food, shelter, health care at least for every human unconditionally - until that is not manifested, I am not accepting 'love' as real, until that I do not see this world different from hell.I know, it sounds tough and 'dark' but in fact I am one and equal with and as existence and there is someone who have no food, while the others are accepting him/her to die - then for me a bit like these are demons in hell.It is common sense that if I am human and I have 'spare' to share and the other one requires that thing for bare surviving(food, water), then I share.It's like doing things for others what I do want to receive for myself.

For me, it's like if I like something, I assert that the other one might also like it and if says no, then it's alright, for instance with the food, I really enjoy to eat multiple times a day, so I assume that the other one also likes to eat, what is the problem with this? What is the fear within allowing everyone to eat? To be educated, to access health care. This is what an Equal Money System is about, to educate a group of people who can share an assisting environment to be able to 'heal' ourselves from the pre-programmed mind-fuckups to allow ourselves to even realize what is really going on and how and why and then pushing the points into practical change.

So Desteni is about to directly face the core of the problems, no matter what, taking responsibility for what we have accepted and allowed to manifest and finding practical ways to STOP, instead of using justifications for why do we not change. Do not allow your opinions to take over, simply investigate with common sense and apply and share and let go the past of any kind in any moment.

Desteni is sharing the tools to assist and support ourselves within this process of Self-Realization by developing and applying Common Sense, Self-Honesty, Self-Forgiveness, Writing, Sharing and pushing and manifesting the point of Equal Money System.

I do not remember much of crying. I always wondered what is happening when others cry, I mean even I wanted sometimes to do so but just could not. I also noticed that many adult use cry as a 'normal' release, some even use it as manipulation of others and

I was about 15 when my family(mother, sister and me) were attending to a wedding. My mother insisted to I wear a suit as I never liked it and I resisted it to the last moment then I wore it and we went to the wedding.I was standing at the corner while crying silently because I had to do what I did not want.Then Ramona, a girl from the same village came to me and spoke with me and then it was alright. We went behind the church and took some glasses and threw to the back-wall of the church and it felt good to release my anger.Before I felt powerless, because I have to obey to silly commands from my mother for instance wear this penguin-like suit what was very strict and uncomfortable, especially the wood-leather shoes.After I felt that I can compensate it with destruction ofthe glasses what grownups define as value(money).-------I do not remember any particular crying experience after this until university when the subject of my so called 'love'(self deception), E. told me that she does not want to be with me as girlfriend and after months ot thriving, I finally understood. When I was sitting at the front of the flat at the top of the concrete block, I was crying. I could not stop it, all my bitter miscarriage flew out and I lost the sense of myself in a way within that cry, I cried for everything but mostly because simply something did not happen what I wanted - nothing I wanted more - this was the only single focus point within my life - to be with her and when I finally understood that it will not happen - I cried. I put all of myself to this focal point - all other aspects of me blurred out for long months and then within that cry I've changed.I've decided to close myself down in a way - since then - I did not cry for 13 years.I made the decision that "I will not suffer because of woman, no matter what."

Then when recently I had heatstroke and flu and I cried, not like 'sobbing' but it was definitely cry. It was a some sort of process - when I started process, I experienced a some sort of mind-cry for slight moments. It was more likely a very fast picture pop-up within my mind as I am crying very intensely - for about a quarter of a second and then nothing, like it was nothing.When I talked with my Resonances at Desteni Farm last year, it was told that I've developed to suppress emotionally very fast - for a quantum moment I have this emotional package and then in the next moment it's gone, but I did not release, I did suppress. But suppression accumulate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from crying because then I would define myself as weak.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate crying with weakness.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define cry as something what would mean that I am unworthy.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I cry, I am exposing my weakness.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from crying because then I would show up to others that I am lost.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from crying because then I do not seem as a grownup man.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress crying because then I would fear from being judged as weak, woman-like, hysteric.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define crying as manipulation.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from crying because then I would release the things about I am crying and then I would change.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because then I would not know what will happen.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not knowing what will happen.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if see/hear someone to cry more than one time then I would define her/him that it is just manipulation instead of realizing that it might happen because of hurt.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that crying would make me vulnerable for attacks.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I cry, I might get addicted to crying.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I see someone cry, I should not trust in that person.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have any definition about crying instead of remain inner silent.

Specific memories:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry when I can not do what I want.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry when I must do what others told me and I defined it as I do not like it.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry to my mother because she told me something to do what I did not want to do.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry when I do not get what I want.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shameful when I cry in front of the others, especially girls.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shame to cry when at least one woman is around because how I defined myself as a man who can not cry is not true therefore who I defined myself to be came to be not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not getting what I want because then my whole approach to get what I want was not fruitful.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when I do not get what I want and then suppressing the emotions and compound them and when it is getting too much, then crying.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being 'burned out' when I cry.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define crying as painful.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'not feeling good' when someone is crying around me.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use crying to escape from reality.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define crying as a tool to balance my fuckupness.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my tears was gone because I've cried so much.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who can not cry because I've defined my past crying as 'too much', as 'depleted'.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myselt to think that crying makes me unstable therefore it is avoidable.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from crying because then I would make myself unstable.i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions so fast that I even do not become aware of it.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if someone is crying then that person is untrustworthy.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself untrustworthy because I've cried.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I cry once then next time I will cry easier.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated and nervous when I am talking to someone who starts to crying.