Zack: Guys, guys! I had this great idea for a monster last night when I was making a grilled cheese! I opened this slice of American cheese and...

Steve: This is from UK and they have cheese toast ups there instead of grilled cheese and they don't use American cheese they use real cheese so your joke doesn't even work.

Zack: Okay, Steve, but my point is that it's a transparent rectangle. That is the worst idea for a monster since they just left an empty box for that invisible monster.

Steve: In the description it doesn't even mention the thing having a face like in the picture. It's actually scarier thinking of it like one of those Listerine fresh breath strips only big enough to wrap you up and kill you.

Zack: I think the face makes it scarier. It would suck pretty bad being suffocated by plastic wrap that is laughing at you while it kills you.

Steve: I think all that happened in a story I read about Roy Orbison and Saran Wrap.

Zack: In the UK they don't listen to Roy Orbison, they listen to Cliff Richard, and instead of Saran Wrap they call it cling film there so your joke doesn't even work.

Traci Lords goes on a journey of vengeance and squibs while making the same stupid face constantly.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.