Several situations have arisen when The Twins are in the Chief of Fatherhood's care that do not strictly constitute misconduct, but I wanted to report them to you all the same.

1. As you know bibs are used at every feeding to prevent milk from dribbling onto the neck of The Twins. If a bib remains dry, or mostly dry, throughout the feeding, it may remain in use.

However,the following bibs have been routinely kept in use when their saturation level was questionable:

I Love My Daddy

Daddy's Girl

Team Dad

Daddy's Superstar

Daddy is My Hero

2. Much of The Twins attire is unused. Sleeper outfits are used daily, washed as soon as they are dirty, and used again; while shirts, pants, and various tiny accessories that round out the twins adorable wardrobe largely remain in their drawers.

3. Shoes seem to not be used at all.

When the subject was broached with the Chief of Fatherhood his replies respectively were:

1. Mind your business

2. Sleepers have built in footies, are easy to use, and are basically God’s gift to parents. All other tiny clothes can suck it.

3. They don’t walk, I’m not wasting time with shoes.

Please advise if you would like this line of questioning pursued or any action taken.