The more things change, the more they remain a shame

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |NEW YORK For a while there I was getting so many "Add 3 inches!" E-mails, I
started wondering if maybe I had an appendage I didn't know about.

But peni-spam is only one part of the giant problem that is unwanted
E-mail. From home mortgages to farm animals, pills for when you're
down to pills that get you up, neither filter nor legislation seems able to
stem the tide. Unwanted messages account for 50% of all E-mails - up
from 7% just two years ago.

Personally, I'm getting more than 50 spams a day, the vast majority of
them lewd, crude or from the International Bank of Nigeria, where the
incredibly selective chief financial officer has been "reliably informed
of [my] discreteness" [sic] and therefore set aside $18.5 million for us
to split ... if I send him some money up-front.

Amazing how much he knows about me but still addresses me as "sir."

Anyway, the thing about wading through this sewer of spam each morn
is not just that it's annoying and a waste of time. It's also plain old
depressing.

Remember how it felt to stroll through the old Times Square? That's
what scrolling through spam feels like. On pre-Disney 42nd St., hustlers
were always offering you things illegal, illicit or icky. You had your pick
of peep shows and porno flicks. Name-brand bargains turned out to be
cheap knockoffs. There were drugs for sale, of course, and three-card
monte games for the suckers. If you were really desperate, you could
even buy a piping-cold knish.

The crusty mustard was free.

Now, spam has turned our inboxes into the electronic equivalent of the
red-light district - minus the knishes. For, "Hey, sailor" simply
substitute "How are you? I missed you last night!" or, strangely, "If I
could kiss you until you're bowling." (Got that one this morning.) Click
on these solicitations and, wham, your desk becomes a den of iniquity.

"It's like every con man in the world has gotten into your personal
space," says Tiffany Shlain, founder of the Webby Awards for best Web
sites.

She's right about the con part. Not only is there no way to "Reverse
Aging While Burning Fat Without Dieting or Exercise!" (sorry - I should
have broken that to you more gently), but even those spammers selling
prescription drugs like Valium and Vicodan don't deliver.

"They're just trying to get you to send them $30 in the mail," says David
Strickler, CEO of the anti-spam service MailWise. "You're hoping that
something will arrive in the mail, and nothing ever does. But you're a
little embarrassed to call your local police department and say, 'Can
you track down these illicit drugs I was trying to buy over the net?'" So
you don't.

At another E-mail filtering company, SurfControl, "We've been
watching [spam] trends for quite a long time," says vice president Susan
Larson. The top three topics are and always will be: porn, drugs and
get-rich-quick schemes.