Holiday blues and paws

Just felt like posting something because I've been so miserable lately. I think the holidays are stressful and having PAWS makes it 10x worse. People being happy and excited about family and decorating and Christmas shopping just makes me feel bitter and sad. I had off work today and I slept most of the day since I was so exhausted from not sleeping well. At work I do the minimum to get by. I am severely depressed, I just feel numb. I have this great app called sobertime and it gives me quotes and goals and six months is my next one but some days I just can't take it, and wonder how I'm going to make it to the next goal. People being happy all around me and I feel awful. I hate being alive and I get no joy. I hope I haven't done permanent damage to my brain. I hope it gets better. Everything is just so awful right now I can't stand it and I wish i was dead or at least in a coma until my brain heals. I feel like an empty shell. That's all. I hope holidays are going okay for everyone. They really make bad feelings way worse, at least for me.

Hey man I don’t know your age or interests but I’m going to give you a suggestion. Something that has and is still helping me a lot is actually YouTube. I’m not talking about videos over PAWS or recovery but comedy videos. Even on my worst days it seems to put me In a better mood or at least keeps my mind occupied for as long as I’m on it. It’s gotten to the point that that’s how I spend most of my alone time. My recommendation is David Dobrik, it’s my style of comedy, but there are literally thousands of other things to watch when you have nothing else to do. I would typically try to avoid anything emotional or drama related when you’re in a bad spell. It’s not much but try it out for a week and just see how you feel.