The missus has requested I tie her up. Sounds good to me, but then I realized I'm a complete idiot in these matters, so I need some serious help here.

I'm looking for suggestions on what to do with her after she is tied up and blindfolded. I can think of the obvious.. kissing, massaging, fondling, cunnilingus, and perhaps something like ice cubes rubbed around for a while. She really doesn't enjoy spanking at all and doesn't own any "toys".

Anyone have good ideas on how I can really, really tease her for a while? I would definitely say she isn't into anything rough at all..

Help??? I'd really like to make this something she would *really* like to do again. And yes, I could ask her, but she has even less imagination about these things than I do. Also, I think it would be better just to surprise her with stuff rather than just running through a list of things she has requested.

But to tease her? Don't actually touch her. Get your open mouth REALLY close to her, enough so that she can feel your breath. Smell her. All over. Pay special attention to her neck and behind her ears.

Oh, and make sure you tie her up well. If she's able to get loose, she'll attack you like a banshee.

But to tease her? Don't actually touch her. Get your open mouth REALLY close to her, enough so that she can feel your breath. Smell her. All over. Pay special attention to her neck and behind her ears.

I've also found that making the other person beg before you'll do anything more/make them ask permission to orgasm works well. If they're into that...

I used to tie up my GF and whisper in her ear things I was going to do to, like leave her there, blindfolded and tied, while I go out and pick up another girl & bring her back and have the girl lick her out, or have sex with the girl while my GF had to listen or watch, that sort of thing. But only because she was into the fantasy of it; we never actually did it. Whispering it to her was enough to drive her crazy. I'd take pictures of her like that, & tell her I was going to keep them with me so I could jerk off to them when she wasn't around. I'd raid the fridge and apply various food products to her body & eat them off. She got off on that sort of thing.

Then I'd just sort of use her body for my pleasure, & keep bringing her to the edge of an orgasm while not actually letting her cum.

Go to the makeup department of any store that has one and buy a makeup brush with lots of long, soft bristles and a 4-5"-long handle. Use it to tease, tantalize, and tickle. (Feather dusters work well in this regard as well, but you need to have one just for playing: you don't want to use the one you actually dust with. Likewise, don't use one of your wife's makeup brushes for this: buy one just for play.)

Ice is good. Ice cream is more fun, though. Just use the back of a spoon to paint.

I second that now is an excellent time to buy your first toy. I recommend a remote control egg, mainly because it's also a lot of fun to use at dinner parties.

Anything unexpected can be exceptionally energizing in that situation, so whatever you do, don't tell her what you have in mind. However, one of the things my girlfriend really enjoys is hearing me getting toys, tools, whatever, ready for her while she's helpless. I tied her up just the other night and she told me afterward that one of the best parts was when she knew it was about to happen but didn't know what I was going to use to do it with.

Oh, one of the few "mind game" things I like to do is at some point early on give her a choice to make, being careful to explain that this will be the last time she has any say in what goes on for the next couple of hours, so she should choose carefully. If you're one notch up the sadist scale from me, you then do the opposite of whatever she chooses.

Whatever you do, remember at all times that this is play, and enjoy yourselves.

Even for light play like this, especially if it's a first time, talk about a "safe word". A safe word is a word that she can use (or you!) at any point during whatever is happening, and everything stops, instantly. Ties are undone, and cuddling or whatever is needed to happen happens then to get fears, qualms and "weird" feelings taken care of.

Make sure it's not a word that might get used by accident, like "no" or "god" or "cum" or "Wilford Brimley".

A can of whip cream is good - you spray a little on say her nipple - and then lick it up but don't swallow it - and then kiss her so she can suck it out of your mouth. I don't know why - but it's one of the sweetest tastes i've ever had when i was tied up.

Knead is right - the anticipation is the key. Hearing you make noises - not knowing where you are going to touch us next - first on the left - then on the right - first with a feather - then with a (make-up) brush . . .

Threatening things you will do while they are out of control is also key - like emailing photos to one of her girlfriends to see if it will turn them on - etc. Don't actually do it - we don't want to have a heart attack - we just want to have our heart race.

I'm the girl that likes to be tied up - and I will agree emphatically with the fact that the inability to get loose is also key. If I can get away easily - the fantasy falls apart.

Here's the other thing: everything in your house is a toy! Scarves, leaves or flowers, cold things, warm things, the back of a spoon, the cap of a pen. Sex toys can be expensive - but bondage toys are limitless if you think hardward stores and craft shops and even Target.

Realize too, that you should blindfold us first - then undress us. Take pictures - the clicking sounds enthrall us. Touch us lightly - trace your fingers gently - go fast then slow.

Walk away for a while - make us wonder where you are and what is going to happen next - open and close a door - walk up and down the stairs.

When you take away one sense - other senses are heigthened - like smell and hearing . . . .

Most importantly - make sure you have your safety words ready. THIS IS A MUST!! Randomly, days before the event, discuss what word means stop, what word means take it easy/slow down, and if you intend to gag her at any point - make sure she can tap her hand or foot instead (like 3 times or more for no - twice for slow down - etc.) Use ridiculous words that won't come up in normal sex times - words like rutabaga or zimbabwe . . .

And you have to respond immediately if she uses the safety word - just communicate what's good and what is not. Talking is the key.

And afterwards, when it's over and you are in another room - talk about what each of you liked and didn't like. And when you are in the store - you can think of other things that maybe you can use.

I know you said she is as clueless as you - why not sit down together at your 'puter and go to Tube8 or Youporn and type in "bondage" "bdsm" or "fetish" and watch some porn to figure out what you like and don't like? Make that a discussion point.

I can't believe I forgot to say anything about safe words. Of course, their true function is to allow you to play a little harder than it sounds like the OP is ready for. The point of having a safe word is that she can scream bloody murder about the pain and call you any number of vile names, and most importantly refuse, reject, and demand that you stop ... all while you patiently continue doing exactly whatever it is you have in mind.

I apologize for the slight hijack, but it may prove helpful. Reading the replies makes me want to tie my SO up and try some of these things. I have never done anything like this. Where do you tie the person up? Like to the bed while they are lying down? Or are there other, better scenarios that don't invole investing in other equipment? And what do you tie them up with?

I apologize for the slight hijack, but it may prove helpful. Reading the replies makes me want to tie my SO up and try some of these things. I have never done anything like this. Where do you tie the person up? Like to the bed while they are lying down? Or are there other, better scenarios that don't invole investing in other equipment? And what do you tie them up with?

It depends, but you really won't know what you're both into until you try a few things. A good basic scenario is the spread-eagle. This works well with beds that have a headboard and a footboard, but I get the job done just fine on a bed that doesn't even have a frame. I use ratcheting tie-downs I bought at Target for like $16, because I like my girlfriend to know she's not going anywhere once she's strapped in. I put leather restraints ($4 clearance belts, also from Target) on her wrists and ankles, then attach the tie-downs to those and just ratchet her down to the bed.

You can spend a fortune on bondage gear, but you can achieve the same effects for a lot less money if you think creatively. Belts, silk scarves, ties you don't care for any more, saran wrap. When I tied her up the other night (mentioned above), I used my pajama bottoms. I mean hell, it's not like I was going to be wearing them.

Tied to a chair works well too, I'm told, but I haven't personally done it.

These responses have been terrific. I can't honestly believe there would ever be a need for a safeword, but I'll make sure we have one.

The remote control egg thing is kinda blowing my mind. I'll have to read more about that when I'm at a computer I can look that up. I don't know if she'd get a kick out of it, but I know I would. Especially at parties.

I've considered trying to get her to watch porn for ideas, but that really isn't her thing. I've talked to her in the past about getting toys and her response was along the lines of "if want to you can buy it". In other words, she has shown 0 interest in any of that.

It's a complicated dance to learn, cmosdes, and it boils down to the old adage: it takes two to tango. Start slow and feel her out and find her interests and what gets her hot. One of the problems with getting your feet wet in the BDSM world (which is what you're dipping your toes into here, after all) is that hanging out in the shallow end of the pool will simultaneously get you called a poser by the hardcore set and get you called a freak by the vanilla world.

Personally, I'm perfectly happy with the relatively softcore place my girlfriend and I have found with each other. I'm not a sadist, she doesn't need regular beatings, and we both enjoy what we have.

I've had repeated complaints about TMI on this subject, so feel free to email me if you have questions you don't feel comfy going into on the boards, and I'll be glad to help you out.

Even for light play like this, especially if it's a first time, talk about a "safe word". A safe word is a word that she can use (or you!) at any point during whatever is happening, and everything stops, instantly. Ties are undone, and cuddling or whatever is needed to happen happens then to get fears, qualms and "weird" feelings taken care of.

Make sure it's not a word that might get used by accident, like "no" or "god" or "cum" or "Wilford Brimley".

Ditto this. Safe words are a necessity in this kind of play because "no" may cease to mean "stop." Often people use a system with a word for "slow down" as well, sometimes "yellow" and "red' to distinguish between needing the person to let up and needing them to immediately abort. It's a simpe precaution but potentially very helpful.

melodyharmonius is giving some great advice. The biggest problem with answering your question is that we don't know what your wife likes; there's an incredible amount of variability. If she doesn't like spanking then things that give pain (clothespins on the nipples etc etc) are probably out, but interestingly texture objects (feathers, stuffed animals, brushes) are probably in. hot wax (dripped from a colorless candle held 2-4 feet above the skin) is often a fun one, but also may be entirely not her thing. Your idea of ice has the virtue of being perfectly safe unlike, say, knife-play.* Whatever you do, clear it with her (in general and vague terms) first. Surprises can be...unfortunate.

From your standpoint, you need to ask her about why she likes the idea of bondage. Probably it ties into helplessness, trust, and letting go, but her specific choices for emphasis will give you clues. I'll second the suggestion of blindfolds. Maybe add soft music to diminish the usefulness of her ears.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mauxlicious

I apologize for the slight hijack, but it may prove helpful. Reading the replies makes me want to tie my SO up and try some of these things. I have never done anything like this. Where do you tie the person up? Like to the bed while they are lying down? Or are there other, better scenarios that don't invole investing in other equipment? And what do you tie them up with?

Go to Home Depot. Buy cotton clothes line (standard thickness). Declare victory. Bedposts work, chairs work. Just make sure that whatever you use isn't going to fall over and hurt your friend.

Oh, and make sure that you can untie every knot you use and that the knots don't tighten with pressure (square knots suck). the quick release knot is your friend.

*light knife play can be great. take a butter knife (dull as hell, right?). Stick it in your freezer for an hour. Then take it out and run it over your skin. Feels sharp, doesn't it? Very convincing illusion and works well with extreme trust play.

This thread is great! i had wanted to try it, i wanted to know what to expect. In the reverse though (the guy being tied) what would the girl do? ( if this is too much of a hijack, mea culpa, i'll start another thread)

This thread is great! i had wanted to try it, i wanted to know what to expect. In the reverse though (the guy being tied) what would the girl do? ( if this is too much of a hijack, mea culpa, i'll start another thread)

Well, all the sensational touching is still going to work. I'm a sub switch dom which means I prefer to be the one tied up - but I can work the other way when needed.

Guys who are first time bondage are usually aroused by the naughty - like the "no" zones some guys have for their sphincter. Circling around it can be quite stimulating - because they don't know if you will actually go through with it or not! And they aren't sure if they should "let" you or not.

For this reason - spread eagle is just as effective for guys as girls. The hot and cold are still incredibly sensational to men like women.

For example - I like to take a coffee mug and fill it with ice and water and sit a metal spoon in it. When the spoon has sat in it for a bit - i take a very few drops of the water and drop it say on their nipples - and then lightly rub the back of the spoon on their nipples.

Most men have no idea what that is and it's very, very stimulating. Or try filling your mouth with warm water and then going down on him . . .

Also, if you have long hair, letting just the tips of your hair trail down his chest (after you have gotten the goosebumps and tiny hairs to already rise from other play) can be very exhilirating for both of you . . .

Quote:

Originally Posted by chacoguy420

I don't know anything at all about this stuff, but I feel I must add this safety advice: check her circulation! If her hands or feet get cold to the touch or turn bluish, the bonds are too tight.

In my experience, your hands and feet will usually turn reddish and polka dotty first before they turn cold and blue. Mostly because the arousal factor adds heat and the bondage (like not giving quite enough slack when you are spread eagle) can cause tiny blood vessels to burst.

(For me, I felt the pain, but didn't want to interrupt the play. Lesson learned when I had to walk around for 3 days with one hand looking like it had been slightly sunburned!)

The biggest problem with answering your question is that we don't know what your wife likes; there's an incredible amount of variability. If she doesn't like spanking then things that give pain (clothespins on the nipples etc etc) are probably out, but interestingly texture objects (feathers, stuffed animals, brushes) are probably in. hot wax (dripped from a colorless candle held 2-4 feet above the skin) is often a fun one, but also may be entirely not her thing.

I'm not quite sure either of us (my wife nor I) know what she would really like. I've asked, many times. I've asked her what she fantasizes about and I've asked her what kinds of things she would like different or to try. Her only response is usually that she wants me to initiate more. That's it. I've tried gentle spanking but got no response. I've tried gently pinching the nipples and asked if she liked that and she said not especially.

The suggestions so far have been just what I needed. A small step into this that will tease and entice her, I'm sure. When I've tried stuff like this in the past, I haven't actually tied her up but instead blindfolded her and made her keep her hands away. That way I could roll her over or put her in other positions and she seemed to enjoy that.

KneadToKnow I'd really like to know more, even if others call it TMI. Although at this point I don't really know what else to ask. I'm going to have to keep ruminating about how I'm going to pull this off and I'll have to take it from there. Thanks very much for your offer. I'll certainly be back in touch for more info and advice.

In my experience, your hands and feet will usually turn reddish and polka dotty first before they turn cold and blue. Mostly because the arousal factor adds heat and the bondage (like not giving quite enough slack when you are spread eagle) can cause tiny blood vessels to burst.

(For me, I felt the pain, but didn't want to interrupt the play. Lesson learned when I had to walk around for 3 days with one hand looking like it had been slightly sunburned!)

I remember the old "Joy Of Sex" (1970s edition) had a big section on mild bondage. They had a lot of stuff about safety - the safe word, making sure that anything you tie can be untied quickly and easily, absolutely nothing around the neck (no matter how lightly), no leaving someone tied up by themselves or when you go to sleep, etc. Seems sensible to me although I've never tried bondage (although some of the suggestions in this thread are quite interesting!).

A couple of recommendations they had:

For men being tied up, their partner can spin things out for a looong time, they had a section on "slow masturbation" which sounded pretty mind-blowing. They also suggested the woman tying her partner up and then making him watch while she masturbated.

For women they said something a bit in the other direction - really laying on the stimulation and "riding her as far and as fast as possible". I dated a woman who was quite multiorgasmic and I think that she would have really enjoyed that since "More" was her watchword.

When I was buying my first vibrator - all my friends steered me to the jackrabbit - because it offered both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. This became my best friend for many years.

However, even your simple vibrator (the one that looks like a slim torpedo) can be a lot of fun in light bondage. Make sure to rub it over what you would assume to be "non-errogenous" places - like the soles of her feet - the backs of her toes - her legs - etc.

It can be quite distracting to leave the vibe somewhere - like under her bum (not in - she might not be ready for that) while you tease other places with feathers and such.

I don' t know if she stays wet easily - but if not - then make sure to have some kind of lubricant if you plan to leave it in her vagina for a bit while teasing her.

When looking at a vibe - look for ones that have multiple settings - so that you can switch things up as you are teasing her. some of the twist knob - so it can vibrate from high to low. But the button models - with multiple vibration pattersn - are also interesting.

If she has a hard time expressing what she wants and doesn't want - don't focus your conversation on her. Ask her instead what movie or book aroused her - what things she thinks are "hawt" etc. She has to understand that if she wants you to just know, she is setting unrealistic expectations. But if she is willing to adventure with you - you guys will have a blast.

Have of the fun of light (or exploratory) bondage is figuring out what does and doesn't work and laughing and enjoying while you play . . .

An ex of mine had a knife that was curved with the sharp part on the inside of the curve. Once while he had me tied up, he had me watch while he used the sharp edge to cut paper, then used the outer (dull) curve to trace all over my body. So it had an element of danger to it that really turned me on, but was actually quite safe.

I also loooooove having hot candle wax dripped on me, but I've also known subs who were into heavy flogging and whipping but who couldn't stand hot wax. I definitely recommend trying it, but don't surprise her with it the first time you do it, and just do a few drops first so she can decide if she likes it. If she does like it, you can play fire-and-ice. You have a lit candle, and a mug of ice. While she's blindfolded, you sometimes drip hot wax, sometimes cold water from an ice cube. It's pretty intense, in a good sort of way.

An anecdote about the "never around the neck" thing. I heard a story once where a girl was tied up to a vertical beam in the basement, with a light chain wrapped around and around her and the beam. There was one loop accross her neck. Before they started her partner checked and double-checked and triple-checked that she could breathe ok. Apparently having the chain around her neck was part of her fantasy/turn-on, which is why they did it. They were playing for a while whe she suddenly collapsed. It turned out that even though the chain wasn't restricting her breathing at all, it was putting pressure on the artery in her neck, restricting blood flow to her brain. No permanent damage done, it just made her faint, but it scared the crap out of both of them and they never tried anything around the neck again.

I've talked to her in the past about getting toys and her response was along the lines of "if want to you can buy it". In other words, she has shown 0 interest in any of that.

Don't mistake putting the power in your hands for a lack of interest. Depending on her background/upbringing she might be shy to talk about the "what" you buy - I would read her "if you want . . ." as okay let's try it. Giving you the power to choose and surprise her.

Any recommendations on body oils to use? Can body oils be had at regular pharmaceutical places?

I'm going to stop by the local sex shop after work today and see what they have in the way of vibs.. should be an interesting experience.

We have astroglide for when things are a little dry or just want a little extra lube. It is awesome!

I like the idea of candle wax and ice cubes.. I'll definitely use that. And quite possibly the cold knife idea, too. I'll also be sure to make lots of "noise" like I'm looking around for things. I realize the anticipation is half the fun. Yesterday I sent her an e-mail that simply said, "The safeword is pumpkin. If you don't know what a safeword is, you need to find out. Look it up or ask a friend." In other words, I'd like to get her thinking about things.

Don't mistake putting the power in your hands for a lack of interest. Depending on her background/upbringing she might be shy to talk about the "what" you buy - I would read her "if you want . . ." as okay let's try it. Giving you the power to choose and surprise her.

I would like to warn you about the candle wax thing. Make sure to go for a candle that is meant to be dripped on people, or otherwise there is a possibility it could burn -- especially if you are dripping on places where there is thin skin, or dripping close to the skin.

I think texting her stuff like the safe word or "off to home depot to see what naughty things I can find." is. awesome.

I know it always works when my bf texts those kind of things to me!

I'm really proud of you for adventuring in to this new realm.

One of the most interesting moments for me was when my bf and I were playing - and my cell phone started ringing . . .and he answered it! I was like omg, omg, omg - what is he going to say??? what is he going to do???? he did a similar thing with replying to a friend who texted me while we were in the middle of something.

Of course, me refusing would have meant a spanking - so I had to hush and hope he wouldn't go too far. Which of course, he didn't. But then again - she was as sexually open as we, so he could go a little farther than normal.

But even the words, "she can't talk right now - she's a little tied up" to someone she knows can be titillating.

This thread is great! i had wanted to try it, i wanted to know what to expect. In the reverse though (the guy being tied) what would the girl do? ( if this is too much of a hijack, mea culpa, i'll start another thread)

Ahem. It's called naughty underwear, and it's to be removed as slowly as possible.

Well, after Evil Captor got personally censored by the Powers That Be on the Dope, he went on a long and arduous journey searching for a better place, and found it by damn, a place not only better than the Dope, but better than he could have dreamed of. And he can dream pretty good.