“Asian women suck.” The person who said this to me was referring to Asian women dating white men.

As an Asian woman, perhaps it’s my feminist responsibility to defend my kind from any accusations that we suck. Instead, I confess that there are times when I really want to throw “unconditional sisterhood” out the window, and sympathize with those who hold this sentiment. Sometimes, I think some Asian women with white men do suck.

***

I am an Asian woman with a white boyfriend.

Just reading that sentence without knowing anything about my circumstances, how I got into this relationship, what I feel, what my boyfriend feels… how many of you will think one of the following?

Group A

Yellow fever

White fever

Asian fetish

White worship

Emasculating Asian men

White hegemony

Self-hating Asian

Gold-digger

And how many of you are genuinely inclined toward these lines of thought:

Group B

Love conquers all

Both partners are colorblind

Equal relationship

Respect for both races/cultures

Your personal preference

Mixing up bloodlines is good for humanity

And how many of you genuinely:

Group C

Don’t care

Have no opinion

Just think about that for a while — without being politically correct, what is your gut reaction to Asian women with white men?

***

When I started feeling attracted to the man who is now my boyfriend, I hesitated for a long time before acting on my feelings. He was a wonderful man who respected me and made me laugh, but I had reservations about joining the interracial relationship cliché. Another white guy with an Asian girl, I thought. No! I asked myself a lot of questions, had crazy schizophrenic-type dialogues with myself in my head:

Why was I initially attracted to him?Has media bias against Asian men gotten to me?
But I grew up in an Asian country watching local shows and Korean dramas!Am I emasculating Asian men by being with a white guy?But he doesn’t have the Hollywood white-man-oh-so-masculine look, and he’s shorter and smaller than me and most Asian guys I know!I’ve always been attracted to Asian guys! So why this guy?I’ve never been in a relationship with a white guy before, so surely this isn’t about a racial preference or white superiority or all that post-colonial discourse.
Maybe I just like this guy because I met him at the Shanghai Barbie Store.

After this emotional tug-of-war, I gave the relationship a chance, and I am grateful I did.

But my entry into the white male/Asian female club does not mean I’ve gone on an “it’s always about love” kick and that I blindly celebrate all the relationships that, on the surface, look like mine.

There are the WM/AF relationships which I firmly believe are equal partnerships between two egalitarian, colorblind individuals who respect each other’s cultures and beliefs.

However, as someone recently reminded me, there are those kinds of WM/AF relationships that give the rest of us a bad name — the ones that are formed on the perhaps covert and destructive valuing of the white man’s race and culture over the Asian woman’s, where the white man has little regard for his partner’s culture, or sees her as a trophy. Some pairings are just blatantly unequal, and as that someone commented, “Only an AF who is really un-self-aware and/or self-loathing would date or marry such a man.”

We're not all rich old white men with young ferocious Asian wives... but they do exist.

“I’m not against white guys and Asian girls,” said a Chinese male friend. “It’s only when the Asian girl looks down upon her own race and chooses a white guy because she thinks he is superior in terms of looks, culture, money, and if their children continue to think that white is better… then I get frustrated.”

But how about relationships between white men and Asian women when there is no obvious white worshipping/Asian fetishizing/gold-digging going on? In those cases, surely the Asian woman doesn’t suck. However, internalized racism can be subtle, with prejudices not seeming like prejudices at all. Asian women only suck when they don’t think twice about saying things like:

I have a cultural/aesthetic preference for white guys.

Asian men have small penises, trust me, I’m Asian.

White guys are much more physically attractive compared to Asian guys.

Caucasian features are more attractive compared to the round face, olive skin, small squinty eyes Asian guys have.

Etc. along the same lines.

I’ve heard enough Asian women say these things as if they were absolute truths, without questioning how they came to their racial preferences, and not realizing how much these seemingly flippant remarks harm Asian men, create a rift between Asian men and women, and breed negativity towards Asian women who don’t hold these views.

Sometimes I wonder how an Asian woman can say she prefers white men because they are more aesthetically pleasing, when one day she might have a son who looks more like her side of the family than his father’s. This is why I feel bad for the very angry Asian-looking hapa son who hates his white dad and Asian mom — if his mother did think all the bullet points above, it’s no wonder her Asian-looking son is so resentful for being brought into a world where even his own mother could dismiss men with his features.

***

I keep a blog where I’ve occasionally touched upon my type of interracial relationship, particularly in two posts, The Asian Girlfriend Complex, and Ending Bias against White Male and Asian Female Couples?. I wrote these posts because I am very much aware of the negative associations (of Group A) that are often attached to my type of pairing. Compared to many Asian women I know, I’m perhaps a little too self-aware (or oversensitive) of what my relationship represents.

Most of the criticism I get on my blog understandably comes from Asian men who react to what they perceive is my “pro-white” message, simply because I am an Asian woman writing about dating a white guy. I welcome commenters who wish to discuss the issue civilly, but personal attacks are where I draw the line, and such comments deleted. However, I recently began an email conversation with one such “angry Asian man” who attacked me on my blog. Instead of simply dismissing him like I did the others, I decided I wanted to hear more in-depth from one of them.

Over the course of a week and 25 emails and perhaps 20,000 words exchanged between us, he’s no longer an angry Asian male caricature to me; he is a very real man with a name, an age, a place and identity. I think I’ve become a real person to him too instead of just another sucky Asian girl with a white boyfriend. Perhaps it surprised him that I actually agree with most of his points — that some pairings cannot be entirely race-blind if Asian females are marrying out at a higher rate than any other minority in the States; that people who state that it’s okay to hold a racial preference in dating are often unaware of the racist structure their preference is based on; that white media has done a great disservice to Asian men; that there are more tools to articulate white masculinity than there are to articulate Asian masculinity; that some of the most disparaging remarks about Asian men come from Asian women themselves, and are often based on nothing but bad stereotypes; that the world being what it is, me simply walking down the street with my Caucasian boyfriend can send a negative message about Asian men.

I don’t deny any of this, and I don’t deny that some Asian women — whether they are aware of it or not, whether it’s entirely their fault or not — can sometimes suck in regards of how they talk about Asian men. All I could tell my new Asian male email buddy was to have more confidence and optimism about finding love, and that I, at least, am one Asian female who is not with my boyfriend because he has a white behind, nor do I have any desire to emasculate Asian men by perpetuating negative stereotypes about them. I’ve always thought Asian men were attractive. That opinion hasn’t changed.

Would anyone say that all Asian women should refuse to date white men or break up with their current white boyfriends in order to make the world a better place? That’s ridiculous, and I think most Asian men would agree. In the end, everyone has the intrinsic right to date who they want — we should just be aware of what our relationships symbolize in a public sphere, and pursue romantic happiness without degrading the men from our own racial/cultural communities.

Thoughts about whether Asian women suck when it comes to interracial dating?

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Will

Don’t care. I think many here would have the same sentiments.

Dawei

Second that, just get on with it and ignore everyone else.

MansuMusa

I also agree.
It’s not a big issue unless you make it an issue, clearly the author is oversensitive about what others think.

Christine

I clearly am oversensitive, which I freely admit above. Oversensitive about what we represent, which is turn affects public perception.

Peter

…and perhaps oversensitive about your importance or the importance of what you represent. The only people who care are angry closed minded folks. They need to change, not you.

J

@Peter
I’m an asian guy and I feel Christine was right on with her statements (in fact I actually learned by reading her blog), and I don’t sense anything that’s offensive nor was she trying to say a particular interracial couple is better than other interracial couples. Just because you feel she was being oversensitive talking about her own personal experiences with how she has to deal with the reactions she gets from people from interracial dating doesn’t mean she is putting down anyone. If anything, she is trying to uplift and educate people to not hate all usual interracial couples. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. There are quite a few liberal white man with asian woman who knows what’s going on and they don’t like the inequality either with interracial dating. And the negative stereotypes from the media and the popularity of these couples have brought a lot of hate from society all because from fear.

Also, she is absolutely right about some asian women emasculating Asian men (once again, these asian women are afraid), because I’ve seen some disturbing youtube videos of these asian women and they are very irritating and annoying. I enjoyed reading her blog, and I wish there were more people like her with stories like this.

Chris

Many here would have the same sentiments, you’re right. I wonder how survey results would show differently with a selection of “average Americans”.

Sully

Good idea. We should come up with a list of 5 questions and I will have them asked to a sampling of people in the US. I am a white American guy with an Asian wife. I also notice the knee jerk reactions of people seeming to lean on the negative side in regards to being the man. You could say my case is a bit extreme as I am 10 years older than my wife on top of the racial issue!

When coming to China I had no intentions on dating anyone, let alone getting married… Surprise!

Phil

I’ve been victim of the stereotype too due to my relationship. It’s frustrating and basically a form of racism. Afterall, white women date white men because they’re rich, as do asian women with asian men. Does that mean every relationship is a sham and dishonest? Meh…

That’s not what the quote says. It says all white women marry white guys for money. And it says it in such a matter-of-fact way as to asinine in its overconfidence.

But thanks for coming.

AsiansWearFur

It’s very common for White women to date Black men. This is a big change for America from just only several decades ago, when Black men can get killed by angry White guys. And even before that, White guys would often have female “House Negroes” slaves whom they would knock-up and procreate. First Lady Michelle Obama’s female-slave ancestor was a victim of such White Male Chauvinism and Manifest Destiny.

But as for White guys who are after Asian women, I’d just have to say; watch out for those White “metro-sexual” guys (bi-sexual in disguise), whom cannot get an independent White woman in their own country because the smart White woman, which is MOST of them, see right through them, and Asian women are in limited supply or they’re kinda older. These White men aren’t Asianphiles/Nipponphiles/Sinophiles/ or even emancipated and enlightened Human Beings; they’ll have a variety of complexes including Superiority Complex and racially discriminating ideas, and if you tell them they’re bigots or ignorant or something like that, they’ll say bullshit like “Hey! I’m not a bigot/racist, I’m married to an Asian”. These are the lowly by-products of Western Hegemony that all decent women should avoid, lest they produce more Robert John Bardo type nutcases.

I am a white male from Holland dating a Chinese girl, an I love her deeply. I am even moving to China for her to spend more and more time with her. Also her family approves of me!

And i think that people that belong to Group A have never had true love before and are generalizing. Because that’s what I know me and my girlfriend have; true love.
I definitely belong to Group B. To me race, country and culture doesn’t matter when it comes to love. I respect the Chinese culture, in fact; I think it’s even better than the open-wild-culture of Holland. Chinese culture still has respect, that’s long gone in Holland nowadays.

I am sick and tired of Chinese men (and women) judging me and my girlfriend because I am white, thinking I failed in my own country, don’t have a job and just date chinese women for fun. Like the typical Lao Wai that comes to China to have sex with as many Chinese girls as he can. I am not! I am succesfull at the age of 25 in my country, have a university degree in technical IT and work for the dutch government in public health care.

Bottomline: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover when you don’t know the contents of the book!

Dawei

Diyeno, sorry but you are out of luck, in China you are a stereotype. You will get all sort of wild and fanciful theories and thoughts on your relationship both requested and unwanted. Just chill out, don’t let it put the blood pressure up and do your own thing.

Diyeno

You are right Dawei, it’s probably the same as in Holland where there are also people thinking this way about Dutch woman dating Afro-american men.

Just saying that there is true love out there ;)

Ish

“I am sick and tired of Chinese men (and women) judging me and my girlfriend because I am white, thinking I failed in my own country, don’t have a job and just date chinese women for fun. Like the typical Lao Wai that comes to China to have sex with as many Chinese girls as he can. I am not!”

Here you are applying the same stereotype against other 老外 that you do not want applied against you. Why should people automatically assume you are not part of the stereotype? Do you wear a sign that says “I am not a typical 老外 stereotype“？

heeroyuy111

If you don’t want to be judged for dating Chinese girls, I have a very easy solution for you: stick with white girls.

Diyano

Or Chinese men could just lighten up ;-)

AsiansWearFur

Actually, the it’s the White men in both low and high places should really lighten up, and give us back our culture and history; stop morphing Asian-Mongoloid A-males like Chinggis Khan, Attila the Hun, Modu Chanyu, etc, into Caucasian/Indo-European guy likeness. White men suffer the ignominy of being owned by Asian-Mongoloid men throughout history before the Renaissance, and just let it be. White men shouldn’t continue their Superiority/Inferiority Complex with continued ethnic-racial distortions in such efforts like Dragonball Z and The Last Airbender. I understand White men have problems with the women of their own kind, and their White Guilt causes them to do all these stupid things including race-bending in their favor, but I think White Men can only save themselves by stopping their theft of Asian-Mongoloid history, including the history of Native Americans and Native Siberian people, whom the the White Male Chauvinist also race-bend in effort to “justify” their destruction and occupation of Native Indigenous people’s cultures and land.

M.L.

@AsiansWearFur: You know, you really couldn’t make it more obvious you have an inferiority complex vis a vis white men. That is, if you’re even actually Asian (there are so many weiro trolls online who knows, you could be a very odd white man yourself).

Asians in America tend to be apolitical, but every now and then you envounter an Asian man or woman who is frustrated by the fact that they’re not really seen as monorities. They see the attention that groups firmly established as “oppressed people of color” in the minds of Americans such as Blacks and so-called ‘Hispanics’ (ironically, many of the latter are in fact white Spaniards with no legitimate claim to being ‘people of color’, but that’s another story) and they think “I wanna be considered oppressed too!” Then they start parroting the standard angry ethnic identity politics BS they’ve heard blacks and Hispanics use only substituiting “Asian” or the ridiculous termn “API” in hopes it’ll make PC white liberals squirm.

Too bad! Nobody thinks of you that way and they never will. They think of Asians as exotic whites. Moreover, Asians are hardly oppressed; they actually earn more per capita and obtain higher levels of education on average than whites. They usually are not counted as ‘people of color’ for the purposes of Affirmative Action either; for all practical legal purposes they’re ‘whiter’ than white Spaniards, who DO count as ‘people of color’ for AA purposes (which is pretty nuts, but hey, it’s a crazy country, whaddya expect?).

So whine all ya want, furry. I gest in your general direction.

AsiansWearFur

In reality, arrogant White men in low and high places (state dept, board of ed, etc) should really lighten up, and give us Asians back our culture and history. Stop race-bending the Asian-Mongoloid A-male indenty (Chingis Khan, Attila the Hun, Modu Chanyu) to fit the Caucasoid/Indo-European guy’s likeness. While it’s true the educated and arrogant White men steal our history to help relieve themselves of the ignominy of being owned by the Asian-Mongoloid man throughout most of documented history, these obnoxious White men are still not satisfied, and continue their White Male Chauvinist ways with such pop-culture efforts like Dragonball Z and The Last Airbender. White Chauvinists even distort and steal Native American and Native Siberian indigenous people’s culture and ethnic-identity, just to fit the White Chauvinists Manifest Destiny, which essentially is the destruction and occupation of the Native Indigenous people’s culture and lands. So dear arrogant White guys, please lighten up, we are not after the territory you claim or the women you offend, but for your own benefit, give Asian-Mongoloid people/Native Indigenous people of America, Siberia, Australia back our cultures, languages, religions, and stop race-bending to make yourselves appear like the “desirable ones”, when in fact you appear like total douchebags of epic proportions.

Bob Dillon

So this is why you got so excited when I called you an idiot. You have some serious issues and insecurity. If you are grounded within your culture and way of cultural living no one can take that away from you. I havent got your culture or whatever it is that you say American white people have ‘TAKEN” from youi. You obvioulsy sound educated but you are really…..u fill in the blank hahahah.

Just look at how White Chauvinsm and their alledged “free media” handle the Trayvon Martin – George Zimmerman case in this last week: 28 year old Zimmerman was reported by “No Rant/No Slant” American Public Radio as (quote): “a LATINO……… who admits to shooting 17 year old Martin”, and of course the promotion of the idea that Martin was shot not because of his ethnicity, but of “the wrong clothes” he wore. Very good White America, along with biased representation of the Asian role, White Chauvinism has brainwashed much of American citizenry with the idea that Zimmerman Vs Martin was not White-Jewish Vs Black, but “LATINO Vs Black, and that the crime pertpetuated was not against an ethnicity, but against the brandishing of “wrong clothes”. White Shame White Shame trying to hide White Face with pro-White Jewish male image propaganda slant in the fundamental effort to save White man’s face.

And no, AF/WM relationships don’t suck as long as there’s no propaganda that involved the forming of such a relationship. Just as there are VERY MANY AM/WF relationships that obviously do not involve “free media” propaganda, but just good friendly terms and respectful partnership; and all the morons who think that White guys don’t think AM/WF partnerships suck, must be living in Western Hegemony cave or are in a serious state of denial. Stop blaming Asian man for all the troubles in this your world.

Chris

This is a pretty ignorant post. You are aware that most of what you use came from the white men do you? And that Asians also subjugated millions (see Genghis khan) and oppressed millions more throughout the world’s history?

Wonneproppen

sniff….
just get on with it for crying out loud!
Find it rather amazing that today’s young generation still seems to be having this chip on their shoulder with racial differences.
You like the dude, go and indulge. Who cares where he’s from.

孟恬

I made the experience in China, that a gril, who wasn’t my girlfriend, just hanging out, was called a bitch by a group of some 30-40 year old, fat guys without any girls with them. Well, I guess it was frustration which we heard.

But yeah, I also like making fun of those old or/and ugly or/and creepy white guy with some young Asian chick, which I saw most often in Thailand. In China I knew a lot of same age couples, and I think they all were genuine.

Now I have a Sino-Thai girlfriend which is half a year older than me and also more successful than me — and I am a nerd. ^^ Well, I guess Thai guys didn’t really want her — dark skin!!! x.x Perhaps it’s a bit different in Thailand, were you have quite a lot of young, successful women for whom it’s hard to find a guy. Well it’s somewhat there fault, because they refuse to get serious with any guy earning less than themselves, guys who are on a lower status. While successful guys have no problem with “lower” girls. It’s a cultural thing for sure. Still I think it’s their fault.

Patrick

It hasn’t been my experience that a lot of asian guys get angry about it. I’ve had a couple get irked when they meet her or see her picture. That’s mainly because she doesn’t fit the stereotype of foreigner with ugly chinese girl. She’s really beautiful – that got a guy angry only one time.

There will always be irresponsible people out there who take the easy route of hate.

That being said I can’t believe no one made an adolescent remark on wether asian girls suck or not. What’s happened to all the trolls?

Christine

Patrick! No! Don’t get the trolls started! I just wanted a short title with “suck” in it since the “Asian women suck” remark was what got this article started… I forgot about all the disappointed pervs out there.

Because of my blog, I’ve had contact with Asian guys who are very, very angry… I don’t deny their anger is justified, I just think there’s a difference between resenting the structure (of media bias, stereotypes against Asian men, etc.) and accusing all individuals of perpetuating it.

Jay K.

christine, hank you for linking your blog; seriously i just became a fan of it!

Jay K.

Thank*

also your bf is a jew, cool well im a self hating half jew new yorker that loves my pork and any pork products. shalom!

Christine

Thanks. Yes, he is Jewish. I like pork products enough for the both of us.

Enjoy your kielbasa!

AsiansWearFur

Does that mean you can find it in yourself to recognize that the UN Resolution 181 Partition/Separatist Pact was in fact a GRAVE VIOLATION of Human Rights?

I honestly believe that a real self-respecting Jewish person would understand the injustice of UN Resolution 181, and any Human Rights seeking and justice loving Jewish person would condemn the Irridentism of the Partition/Separatist pact.

Patrick

Christine,

I understood and I appreciated reading your article – it’s relevant, I don’t deny it. I had a drunk Chinese man try to skewer me in Suzhou because he didn’t like mixed relationships. I’m just saying on the whole most aren’t against it. There is racism to be sure, and that’s what it really boils down to. An Aunty told my wife while we were on an ebike “don’t be a fool for a foreigner”. The assumption is that as a foreigner I have no interest in her as a mate, to have a home, raise children and (hopefully) live a long life in a relationship of mutual respect. I’m sure that it would’ve meant nothing to this Auntie that I traveled out to the countryside to go through the ritual of meeting her parents, got on my knees and respectfully asked for their permission, participated in all family functions like funerals and the like. Or that my wife lost so much in marrying me. I am divorced, I have three children and I am 14 years older than her. To those on the outside it looks like she married a rich foreigner, too bad I’m not rich. She didn’t want a wedding because she felt it would lose face with her family. She went against so many of the customs she was raised with and has worked very, very hard. All because she has love for me.

Racism discounts a person over skin color as an excuse to justify what they don’t like because they feel they have been jilted in some way. Racism removes people for who and what they are and replaces it with unarguable rhetoric. That there are women who make excuses for why they’re with foreigners is no different. Does it matter if I find asian women attractive? Not really. Have asian men gotten the short end, yes sometimes they have. Do I think it’s unfair, yes but I don’t contribute to it.

I think asian men have many great qualities, they have an unbelievable amount of patience. They are great family men and fathers as well as husbands. If they are left out by women that look to foreigners for status or riches they should be thankful that they didn’t get that pretty girl. If they missed out on a girl they wanted because she genuinely loved someone else – they should suck it up and not take the easy route of racism. Life really is too short to waste time blaming and making excuses.

Again, thanks for the article. You’ve won a fan in me.

anon

There will be people who will still question your relationship but for what it is worth, the sentiments you expressed here were quite touching and I thank you for writing your comment.

Patrick

Yeah I know, and your welcome. Usually I like to be a lurker but the article was a touchy one for me – and the comments more so. I’ve lived here for three years now and despite my odd background I’ve never experienced so much racism from both sides. I lived in Texas for nearly 20 years and it wasn’t this prevalent. I’ve read hundreds of your comments – I appreciate real thought.

Christine

Thanks for this message Patrick. In many ways, where I’m at now is where you and your wife were in the early stages of your relationship. There are many differences between my bf and I, and race is only one of them, and perhaps the least important. I can easily write about race over our other differences because, in comparison, those other differences are just too personal and difficult to articulate. Sometimes I am still hesitant about my relationship because I know what I would lose if I marry him, such as the respect of many members of my community who are against “outsiders.”

But the fact is I’ve never felt such an affinity for anyone else, and I will gain in other ways if I stay with him.

Who knows what the future has in store for me!

Best of luck to you and your wife.

Patrick

You’re welcome Christine. I’d like to make a suggestion if you don’t mind. You don’t seem easily offended so I’ll go ahead. I read somewhere that you had some anxiety about going to America. I would highly recommend that you do. A few months if you can manage it. My ex-wife as it happens was Chinese as well as my current. Despite being married to her for eleven years I doubt that another twenty would have helped me understand her more than coming to China did. I don’t regret my divorce from her. She had changed in many ways from the person I fell in love with. But if I had known some things – who knows? I won’t dwell on the “what if’s”. The experience of going to his home can help you appreciate facets of your boyfriend that just don’t occur to you now. He sounds like a great guy, I’m sure you both will do quite well.

As it is this experience has got me considering me to pick up the keyboard and make a post myself – been too long since I’ve written. So thanks for the inspiration.

Lee

Ok, seriously Patrick?! Not trying to be a dick! But your ex-wife was Chinese and after that one failed, you you decided to go for yet another Chinese chick all the way in China? Can anyone say Asian fetish?!?! What do you think that things will be different this time, that it will be better? Honestly I don’t get why white guys think that Asian women have better values, are more culture, are more domestic, that they don’t care about money when truthful that is all BS. In fact, did you know that statistically white men have the highest divorce rate when they are marry to an Asian woman?http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2008.00491.x/pdf
^The link above is a link to a research study (2008) that proves that in a span of 10 years an AW/WH marriage is 4% greater then a WW/WH marriage of ending in divorce. And since WW/WH divorce rate is in general 20% higher then AW/AH marriage, that means that for an asian women marrying a white man means that an Asian woman has a 24% higher chance of divorce. So if all the things white men claim about Asian women are true, then why is the divorce rate higher for AW/WH marriages then non-racial? Shouldn’t the divorce rate is lower?? Especially, when the research also shows that when the marriage is between a black woman/white man, the divorce rate is actually amazingly 44% LESS when compare to a white woman/white man marriage!!! In which case that would mean that for a white man an Asian woman is the most incompatible marriage partner. In which case, this would also prove that all the BS white man claim about why they like Asian woman because of their culture, values, etc is completely crap, since obviously it didn’t decrease their divorce rate. By the way your current wife probably is marrying you for your money. The thing is, you may not be rich, heck you may even be poor, but if she is from the countryside then all the men there are probably even poorer then you, which is most likely the reason why she is marring you. Which also means that once you run into money problems, you will both divorce. By the way, if your first marriage to a Chinese woman didn’t workout, what makes you think another one is going to? If your ex-Chinese-wife, with all her values, culture, domestic abilities didn’t save your first marriage, what makes you think marrying another Chinese wife is going to work out, especially with a 14 year age difference. If you were really looking for a real, meaningful marriage, you would not be going for another (probably even poorer then you) Chinese woman who is welling to marry you even if you are poor but for a black woman who wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Seriously, have you learn nothing from your first marriage.

E Puff

Hey, stop trying to pawn those men off on us black women. We don’t want them. Many of us, simply put, prefer black men. First, I would like to complement the writers and the benefactors of China Smack. It is an awesome web site with great articles and I’m not even Chinese. I do find these discussions very interesting and most of all, important to have. So where do I stand on this topic? I kind of identify with the angry Chinese men. Americans have already been through this cycle (of interracial relationships involving white men and “minority” women). Even though the problem involves different continients and countries, the situation is still the same.

Sixty Years ago, in America many black women were having children with white men while black men could do nothing but helplessly watch. This was the power structure in this country. Black women working as “help” or servants in a white household would fall prey to the lustful antics of white men. The women were either outright raped, or taken advantage of. This is is why most black people in America are not as dark as the people in Africa, from white men diluting our gene pools when they were in a position to either outright rape, or take advantage of unprotected black women. This led to a lot of frustration for black men, who were not in a position financially or socially to protect his wives and daughters. Many years passed, and white men of course, lost interest in entirely as black women become more educated, and MORE OUTSPOKEN. BW no longer took jobs working as household help and servants. White men and black women rarely have interracial relationships compared to 60-100 years ago when this was more frequent. This leads me to conclude, that SOME of these wht men prefer relationships (sexual or otherwise) with women they perceive not to be of equal social status. In fact, black women are portrayed as aggressive and mean in the media, as opposed to the helpful servant the media portrayed 60 or 70 years ago. (yeah, I would rather be stereotyped as aggressive and mean than some bootlicking servant, ew!).

Now the tides have turned, and black men enjoy equal status and social prominience in American society. And since, they have opted to turn their backs on black women. If you look at nearly every black man who is wealthy, he is with a white woman. He feels, subsciously, that she helps his social status. I have a younger brother, who sleeps regularly with a plethora of black women while engaging white women in serious relationships in public. None of those women are even aware. What frustrates me is that, white women, have their pick of any race. They can date white men (plenty of them around), asian, black, latino, native american, other. Whereas, black women have been villified in the media as being so aggressive, that our own men don’t even want us. Doesn’t matter how pretty we are, how educated we are. Or how ugly we are, skinny, fat, or perfect. We’ve been cast aside as “undesirable” by our own men, and I look at white women, and wonder what it is that they find so attractive. I feel, they’ve adopted a european concept of beauty.

I was married at one time, and divorced in my early twenties. We had a family. But unfortunately, my ex husband was functionally, mentally ill and we had to move away from him. He has since moved on to a white woman whom is suffering the consequences of his mental state. After my divorce, I moved to a city that is predominately white. Once here, I immediately noticed that all of the black men were married to or dating white women. I decided, that perhaps none had asked me out or showed interest in me because I was already a mother of children. Then I realized that all of the white women I knew who were parents, and no longer married (or never married) were still involved in relationships, some right after another. So then, I wondered… why is it that all of the black women in my city are single, except for a small percentage. It then ocurred to me that black men simply preferred white women, and I began to resent that. I resented it because:

a.) I will end up alone (even though I am attractive, schooled, speak a second language, and have numerous attractive qualities,) black men were simply not interested in me 0r any other black woman.

Sometimes having accomplishments worked against me. One black guy I knew confessed that he was in love with me, but felt that my “life” was together and his was not, and therefore he was not good enough. He then told me that 7 years later, he felt he was ready to have a relationship with me. But I rejected him because he now had 7 kids with three different white women since we had last spoken. I simply will not date a man with children so I am not upset with a man who is not interested in me for the same reason (my kids are now teens).

b.) I resent wm/bm relationships because it indirectly, accuses me as being inferior externally, internally, and otherwise.

So I can IDENTIFY with the anger Chinese men feel. For us, there are not enough black men to go around as it is, and now we have to share them?

I have simply given up. I haven’t even kissed a man in ten years, except for a near kiss while out on a date with a foreigner almost six or seven years ago. I look in the mirror and think, wow, somebody is really missing out on a wonderful human being. A person with so much to offer. A woman who, doesnt’ care if her man is rich or if worked a blue collar job. While he’s out taking care of the family, I would be taking care of him the moment he comes home. Someone out there has missed out on all the love I had to give. And it’s unfair. Because I’m missing out too.

M.L.

Yeah, but you’re totally cool with stereotyping white males. In my opinion, someone who by their own admission felt something like guilt or shame over their attraction to a white guy is clearly a racist. Someone who writes off a large portion of “AF/WM” interracial couples (people she doesn’t even know, mind you) as true representatives of all the ugly stereotypes she denies apply to herself is not only racist, but incredibly hypocritical and judgemental. When you can read their minds or when one of these couples come up to you say “Hi! I’ve got Yellow Fever, and my girl’s a self hating White Worshipper!” you can talk. Until then you’re just a racist hypocrite who reinforces ugly stereotypes about interracial dating with convenient caveat that they just don’t apply to YOU. I guess you imagine this makes you a sophisticated “progressive”. Actually, it just makes you obnoxious.

See ya! ;)

JustABlackWoman

Hmmm I suppose Im apathetic

As someone thats dated various of men of different ethic backround i can understand your plight

Hoever I think its sad that some women arent aware of these types of men that youve listed ((The men the asian fetish/men that wants his ego boosted/has a sick entitlement theory or the women based guys off what they see from hollywood and bash their own race of men)). I
and then they get take advantage of.

I think its a good thing you were able to recognize that these characteristics of men remain out there, and not have some glamorized fairy-tale romantic view. As their are ALOT of pigs out there with a asian fetish that base everything they know know from asian porn.

are you kidding? now i got my theory, famale in any race is the same, they tend to look for big, big..bigger… you know what i mean? so feed her well…

elliott

let’s face it,asian women and to some extend men to really suck,they are all the puppies for the white race,their sex machines,toy ,,for the length of time i have been in china and other asian countries for for business undertakings,i have come to see asian women adoring,worshipping the white race to an extend that i can’t imagine.and that is how these guys tend to pise on them.even the africans back in the old days of slavery didn’t worship the white race like that ,not to talk about the present.can’t understand where they get this mentality from,from their leaders?

glowndark

and this, to even prove my theory above, because african has got the biggest among all races…

E Puff

african men do not by default, have the biggest penises. some have big ones, some have small ones, just like men of every other race. my ex husband was 6’4, and 220lbs and he was easily 5 inches unlike those big things we tend to see on the internet all the time, they are certainly rare.

mike

It is what it is. I think many asian guys go through the ‘angry asian man’ phase, but sort of grow out of it as they get older. Once I got off the internet I realized there are plenty of asian and non-asian women who hold no biases against asian men. I also think all asian women should be free to date whoever they are attracted to without shame, as long as they don’t demean asian men to justify their choices.

TAKE5

I can understand why Asian men are angry. White men in the past wanted to kill white women for dating Black men. It still pisses some of them off but nothing like it did say 20 to 30 years ago. (ask you bf about it). For Asian men and women this is a process, it will take awhile for this not to be so controversial.

This resentment towards white men from Asian men and women …because it’s not just asian men that are pissed but some Asian women…should only be a concern from sincere white men that are serious about the women they are dating or married to.

Kitty

No Asian says anything about Asian men dating white women. The most famous example would be Bruce Lee. Nobody says much about black men or women dating Asian women or men either.

anon

Actually, I’d say there are a lot of Asians who say quite a lot about black men or women dating Asian men or women. Asians may comment less about Asian men dating white women but that’s also a symptom of the existing racial dynamic between Asians and whites, where AM/WF is far rarer than WM/AF and thus seen as some sort of underdog relationship to be cheered on, to be seen as some minor triumph against the odds.

Bruce Lee was ultimately an outlier, his status as a martial arts movie star overshadowing the default perception that Asian men are less “manly” than white men in general.

Thanks for the shoutout, Christine. I could talk about the subject- like- forever. It is my job after all, but it gets to be a bit much to be honest since so few people (read: none) actually offer any real, concrete, actionable options.

Anyways, without trying to be too spammy, I talked about this subject (at least from the AM point of view) when I was invited to speak at Yale. Check it out.

I talk about it for 90 minutes and get GRILLED by the brightest girls of Yale University.

It’s true that very few people – in my case, the men I’ve entered into dialogue with who say I’m emasculating them – are able to offer any real, concrete options and solutions. I don’t know how to fix the problem. The most I feel I can do is to ask “my people,” Asian women, to stop and think twice about perpetuating racist ideas about Asian men, or just realize those ideas are racist/based on misconceptions and generalizations in the first place. The trash-talking (from both sides) doesn’t do anyone any good, and widens the rift between Asians.

I admire how you’re able to talk and think about this stuff on a day-to-day-basis! I’ve been engaging in debate about these issues for a week (with my Asian male email buddy who I mentioned in my post) and already I feel my brain is going to explode from a mix of outrage/despair/resignation/indignation/optimism/pessimism/etc.
At least, until I take an ice cream break.

Best, Christine

Kenneth

You’re a joke.

anon

The following is prob complete bullshit, but my opinion is…

Because of culture/tradition I don’t think Asian men socially mature as quickly or as much as those men of other races (esp if you grow up in a very traditional family like mine…). So we’re just naturally insecure, and I think that when we see a WM (or any other race) dating an AF, we’re not actually angry cause it’s interracial, but because we know that we don’t have the guts and manhoodness the WM has, and we don’t want to admit it. Internally, I know the WM isn’t actually better than me, but he’s dating my love interest instead of me cause he knows how and is not afraid of showing the best of himself to other people or confronting competition. He’s just naturally comfortable in his own skin–more of a man than myself.

I’m completely generalizing everything…I know. But a few years back, I really didn’t like seeing WM/AF couples and reasoned about everything that was wrong with such a combo (must be about money, yellow fever, other bullsh…), and I absolutely hated myself for uncontrollably feeling so small and petty–it was a destructive feeling. But as I’ve matured a bit more and began feeling more secure about who I am, feeling more like a man with guts to ask someone I like out on dates and compete with any other men (be him white, black, yellow, whatever) if I had to, I’ve come to see these couples as I would any other couple–just natural, some relationships are true and real, some are fake or just for fun.

I started not giving a shit.

anon

I think in some ways what you said could be true for some Asian men but in a way, its only really applicable to overseas Asians in multiracial environments where they’re forced to compete with non-Asians raised differently by culture or tradition. In Asia, there are observations that everyone is less “socially mature” because, for example, families and society in general seem to emphasize that youth should focus on studies rather than dating and relationships. Notice how Chinese society, like Western society, is now grappling with young people dating and having sex (more openly) earlier than in generations past (or at least more openly so).

You getting past your own insecurity is a good thing and you should rightfully be proud of yourself for doing so. However, as Christine mentioned, the overall situation is more than just individual insecurity just like the overall situation for black males isn’t individual criminality. As with almost everything in life, it’s a mix between our own choices as well as the forces of society. In other words, sometimes Asian men just need to stop feeling sorry for themselves but at other times, it has to be acknowledged that modern society and popular culture does give the white man many advantages over the Asian man.

Patrick

I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding this comment. I’ve seen many AM struggle with these feelings. I actually had a really good AM friend get angry at me because I was trying to date his love interest (I had no clue). In the end we made up (I discovered he had a taste for cigars). The thing is he wasn’t young. I don’t think it’s fair to say that AM don’t socially mature as fast – because the societies are so much different. Chinese society is truly changing at an unbelievable rate and the previous ways of doing things didn’t require AM to be aggressive when it came to women. Picking your wife wasn’t always an option here, those that did often met their wives in University. Often introduced in some fashion and quite frankly the parents often made the introductions. You’re right that WM are more comfortable with it, but usually only by ignorance of the society we’re in. People here are very friendly in comparison to the west. It’s easier to just walk up and talk to someone here because here no one considers it an odd behavior. That just makes the visiting foreigners a little more bold – once they figure it out. An example:

A Foreigner walks into a bar (a little cliche I admit it), he sees a pretty girl, dances a little makes eye contact and asks for her phone number. He knows he’ll get the phone number – and that’s the difference. In America she would likely refuse to give him the number and he would lose face. Here no problem, she may not date him, but she’s not going to humiliate him either. It’s win-win. And the ego runs wild.

As far as being a man you show the strongest traits of what a man is. Recognizing what you want and don’t want to be in life. Being responsible for your own feelings and not recklessly blaming others for them. Then making a choice. What more do you expect from yourself. To be honest although it sounds mature certain words you use make you sound young, maybe 29. If I had that much self-awareness then I would have been very proud – don’t be so hard on yourself.

dd

good post. That is the key. Don’t give a shit! Sex and marriage isn’t everything anyways. Life goes on, people live on, life isn’t fair, and all that matters is ourselves and how we feel. I can be happy w 20 girls or I can be happy w 1 girl. Sure it’s racist, but we cant change everybody’s opinion on stuff. White guys like to be racist, Asian girls like to be submissive to colonial white men, and Asian guys have their negative attributes too. These combinations just happen to make a lot of wm/af couples.

Shredder

I think Mike had a very good comment. It could very well be that SOME of the angry Asian man phenomenon is due to a lack of real dating experiences. Surfing the internet, playing video games or, in other words, just not getting out enough can kill a reality-based and balanced view of the women and the world.

As for me, my first crush was in 3rd grade. I am a third-generation Mexican-American. She was Chinese-American. At that age, I think its safe to say that my crush wasn’t based on stupid stereotypes.

Finally, in my view it seems that the kinds of negative opinions of interracial dating mentioned in the article among Asians isn’t as pronounced in Latino culture. In my experience, for my Latino family and friends interracial dating just isn’t an issue to begin with. I wonder if this if because the cultures of Latin American countries have been racially diverse for a long time while Asian cultures traditionally have not been …who knows.

anon

There was a recent article that I can’t for the life of me recall but it mentioned that Latinos are increasingly identifying themselves as part of “white culture”. Historically, fair-skinned Latinos haven’t found it that hard to blend into mainstream white culture in America as well.

I’m not sure if Latin American countries have been more racially diverse. Hasn’t it all been Hispanic majority just as Asian countries have been Asian majority? Latino culture, however, by virtue of being in the United States has benefited from America’s conscious (though not necessarily consistent) multiculturalism. Latinos by definition are part of the racially diverse makeup of America just as Asian-Americans are, and generally are more accepting of racial diversity due to environmental circumstance.

Found this via Reddit. Anyway, the golddigger (or in my case, girl after a greencard) issue is definitely still around. What I would like to see is an article on how to avoid getting into the negative stereotypes.

Question: “What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch?”
Answer: “The slut sleeps with everyone, but the bitch is the slut who won’t sleep with ME.”

The illustrative point above isn’t really about the assumed promiscuous behavior of the woman, but instead, it is really about the feeling or sense of entitlement on the part of the man and how he feels justified in labeling or insulting a woman due to his sense of entitlement that isn’t being fulfilled.

I’m not suggesting that this is how many/all “angry Asian men” think. But, I do think this is how *some* Asian men think, despite not being able to admit the sense of entitlement that they might have.

By the way, I abhor the word “slut” and the connotative meaning that comes with it. So, please don’t make assumptions that I’m insulting any woman who should have the right to express her sexuality in whatever means she sees fit.

The word “bitch”, on the other hand, has its appropriate uses, and exists in my diction to be called upon when necessary. :-)

By complete coincidence, I’m on my third Asian partner. First was a successful Japanese artist, the second a Taiwanese PhD student and my Taiwanese now wife is a great singer and artist.

What binds us is what we have in common: metal music, food and art. Having to take a Chinese name, perform in a wedding feast, getting pestered to produce grandchildren are all bonuses.

revoltingbrain

Asian men just don’t take as many chances as white men. We have more to lose, and that’s how our parents raised us. Meanwhile, women are generally more open.

JSakamoto

AFter reading this article it seems like the author is not a sellout whore who secretly hates her own people and desires the approval of white people. I admit as a japanese male I don’t like WM/AF relationships in general although there are exceptions. The most acceptable to me are those asian women that grew up in a predominately white environment. It seems natural for them to seek white partners or also asian men who grew up in the same environment. The least acceptable are those asian women who grew up in an asian country, hardly speak the native language of their partner, and constantly put down men of their own race. Those whores deserve the worst punishment. IMO most WM/AF partnerships involve some kind of fetishism and are unhealthy but I’m not going to get all out of shape about it.

And if anyone thinks i’m some kind of loser with no girlfriend I’ll just say I’ve had several girlfriends, including my current girlfriend from China. For some reason I just love Chinese FOB girls. I guess I have a little fetish of my own :) , but I’m asian too so these rules don’t apply to me right?

I don’t know if it’s because my looks or I’m japanese but I actually feel like it’s sometimes an advantage to be a japanese esp. with american citizenship in china when it come to attracting females. It’s like I’m exotic to them but familiar at the same time. Actually I feel some Chinese females with white partners are the most racist to japanese men like myself. For those women that I’ve encountered I just tear them apart. The ultimate insult to them is telling them that my ancestors fucked their grandmothers and I still am able to get with chinese women (not those exact words but that’s the basic message). After I say that to them I can tell most of them want to just kill me, I see it in their eyes. I just love it.

Dawei

JSakamoto. Take that anger you hold towards WM/AF and then transpose it on to the Chinese guys who find out you are Japanese and dating a Chinese gal. Swill it around in your head, mull a little. Will do wonders in cleaning out your head. If that does not work try mouthing off with the Chinese guys using the routine you purport to use on the women and see what reaction you get.

JSakamoto

Dawei you really only read the part of my post that you wanted to read and then drew your conclusion based on that. Some of my best friends are chinese men. Without them I might have never met my first girlfriend way back when. In genereal, I have the utmost respect for chinese people. I would never antagonize a chinese who respected me as a person. It’s just those self-hating racist chinese women that I’ve had problems with in the past where I insult them in the worst way possible, usually after they’ve started something racial with me.

anon

The alluding to Japanese imperialism and atrocities on the Chinese is really offensive and distasteful. I don’t think you’d like white people gleefully gloating about bombing your people just to get a rise out of you. It makes you no better than those racist women you’ve encountered. I think the idea is for us to try rising above that sort of mentality and behavior, not lower ourselves to it.

JSakamoto

Anon, yes it is offensive and distasteful but unless you’re in my shoes and have heard the racial comments hurled to me by these self-haters, you can’t judge me. It’s an insult only, not my true beliefs. In my experience many of these women are partnered with white men. Maybe it gives them a sense of empowerment and the need to belittle me in front of my girlfriend and others. But when they start something with me I don’t hold back. If they throw a low blow I throw one back. That’s just how I am, I don’t believe too much in being better than them by keeping quiet. In other words if you dish it out you better be sure you can take it too. The majority of chinese i get along with just fine it’s just the minority I have problems with. Hope i made myself clear.

anon

I’m afraid in reality one can’t avoid being judged. All you control is your reaction, including whether or not you feel judged and whether or not you can respond in such a way to prompt the person judging to reevaluate their judgement.

I don’t think the “insult only, not my true beliefs” is much of an excuse. That’s similar to “I didn’t meant to kill him.” Words and actions have consequences. I think you and I both know that, and those consequences aren’t limited to just the people involved but also the people around you.

Ultimately, I’m imploring you to not lower yourself to the level of those people you have been hurt by. Unfortunately, you seem defiant, and that’s disheartening. I understand the fight fire with fire reaction but there’s all these pithy truisms like “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. You’re both just nursing insecurities. Is that what you want for yourself? I’m not saying you should keep quiet, but I am saying I don’t agree with the way you find back. There are ways to fight back without resorting to degrading yourself. Think of me as being more MLK than Malcolm X.

JSakamoto

I guess I’m more of a Malcolm X than MLK or Ghandi. Not saying either of us is right or wrong just approach the same problem with different solutions. What you call defiant I call standing up for what’s right. Guess we’ll never agree and that’s OK by me. My skin isn’t as thick as yours. I respect your opinion but I still disagree with it.

JustABlackWoman

Your disgusting and its obvious your bitter and hateful from being constantly rejected.
That fact that you are trying to impress people on the internet about how many girlfriends you have really exposes your loser-like personality.
You are the one that has problems, and its your sucky personality thats making you lose women not white people.

Vanessa

@JSakamoto, as a quick comment on what you said about how it’s an advantage to be Japanese when it comes to attracting Asian women, I think that is somewhat true to an extent. Not just for Japanese men, but increasingly for Korean men as well, it seems. Although, I don’t think it has much to do with those women perceiving you as being exotic while familiar to them at the same time, but rather to do with the growing trend among younger Asian women who have always been fascinated/interested in Japanese and Korean rising pop culture or just simply Japanese and Korean cultures due to the popularity of the two countries in Asia. I know this because I, myself, am an Asian female (half Vietnamese, half Chinese) dating a Japanese male and when I told my female relatives and some of my Asian girl friends about my Japanese boyfriend, some of them get EXTREMELY impressed with me, as if I just won the lottery or something, all because my boyfriend happens to be Japanese. Not only that, but my mother’s friend, whose daughter (also Vietnamese) is also dating a Japanese guy, continuously brags to everyone about her daughter’s boyfriend like there’s no tomorrow. So I think it’s true that being a Japanese male has its perks in attracting some Asian females, but I don’t think it has much to do with exoticism as it does with Japanese media/pop/cultural/financial success in the east–as it does appear that Japan and South Korea are currently the two “top dogs” in the east. So to a lot of younger Asian girls who watch Japanese/Korean movies and/or listen to Japanese/Korean music and finding themselves attracted to Japanese/Korean male stars, dating a Japanese or Korean guy = fashionable.

Although for me, I simply fell in love with my Japanese boyfriend due to the fact that we have so much in common and how often we laugh together and how often he spoils me xD It didn’t strike me that dating a Japanese guy was considered “cool” until I saw my family and friends’ reactions.

With that said, I have no qualms against other people in interracial relationships. I’ve never been in one myself, but I don’t see much of a reason to criticize those who are in one. Although, I’ll have to admit that the only types of people who bug me are those who, while dating someone of a different race, goes and criticizes people of their own race as an excuse as to why they’re dating someone of a different race. Excuses just like the ones Christine had given examples of; not dating someone of their own race because of they’re not romantic enough or that people of a different race is “hotter” and “sexier.” That’s really all bull. There are attractive people in every race and every individual is different, regardless of his/her race. Saying one race is generally more romantic than another race is ridiculous. If someone wants to date someone of another race, feel free to go ahead. Just don’t make such silly comparisons and use that as an excuse as to why they’re going interracial.

Before anyone flames me for being racist as a reason for never having been in an interracial relationship myself–I live in an area of California where there are A LOT of Asians. So it’s not surprising that all the guys I’ve fallen for have been Asian.

heeroyuy111

Let me first say that I do NOT approve of White male/Asian female relationships.

“There is a notable disparity in the rates of exogamy by Asian American males and females. Of all Asian American/White marriages, only 29% involved an Asian American male and a White female.”

So nearly 70% of all Asian-White interracial relationships involve a white male and Asian female, which is a very, very disproportionate number. For everyone who wants to talk about how love is colorblind or how America is a lovely, rosy melting pot, I dare them to rationally explain this massive disparity without bringing up the issues of stereotyping and racism. Why? Simply because it cannot be done.

Christine, you can talk all you want about how you are sympathetic and understand the complexities of Asian interracial relationships, but the fact of the matter is if you were proud to be Asian, you would be with an Asian man. Actions will always speak louder than words.

anon

So if a white woman were proud of being white, she’d be with a white man instead of an Asian man?

I think Christine DID bring up issues of stereotyping and racism to explain why there are fewer AM/WF than WM/AF pairings. I DON’T think one has to be with another Asian to be proud of being Asian. That’s ridiculous.

Get with it

absolutely agree – “if you were proud to be Asian, you would be with an Asian man. Actions will always speak louder than words.”

susbtitute the word “white” in for “asian” in that sentence and you have the tired and embarrassing rantings of a white supremacist.

Christine

My entire article was about acknowledging the massive disparity by bringing up issues of stereotyping and racism, especially when perpetuated by Asian females. I don’t know what you’re arguing with me about.

Like I said in my piece, I don’t celebrate all white male/Asian female pairings. But let’s say that as high as 90% of these 70% of pairings are like “one of those” based on what I mentioned in Group A. That leaves 10% of relationships like mine, plenty of my “kind” for me to reach out to.

P.S. I’m not Asian-American, and just out of interest I’d like to see statistics from other places. I think the Asian-American perspective at times dominates/skews discussions about the Asian/Chinese diaspora. This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate all the Asian-Americans who have commented.

heeroyuy111

I’ve been following Asian interracial issues for the last ten years. In that time span, I have come across numerous articles/blog posts similar to yours in which Asian women dating white men tried to assuage their guilt by declaring how exceptional they were to all the other WM/AF couples because they “understood” the concerns of racism/stereotyping better than anyone else. Your article is neither the first, nor will it be the last.

Just once, I would love to be able to read an article written by an Asian woman proudly declaring that she is happily dating an Asian man. This would be worth many times more than a dozen articles about racially sympathetic Asian women dating white men, and frankly, it would also save a lot of time and hassle in even having these discussions.

Let me use an analogy: let’s say I am working in the sales department for a company. My boss has explained to me the importance of reaching my sales quota. I tell him that I completely understand, and that I am sympathetic to the current financial plight of the company and that I am proud to work here. I tell him that I am aware that 90% of the other employees are ignorant and insensitive, but that I am different from “one of those” employees.

Meanwhile, I fail to reach my quota. But that’s okay, because I am still exceptional because I still understood the financial situation of the company better than anyone else, right?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Anybody and everybody can claim to be the exception to the rule, but unless that person’s actions reflect the values they are stating, their words are meaningless. If you were dating an Asian man, Christine, we simply wouldn’t even be having this argument in the first place.

Christine

I would be grateful if you could point me to balanced, thoughtful pieces written by Asian women dating white men. Right now most of the arguments I’ve heard by Asian women defending their relationships with white men involve some sort of attack on Asian men, with very little self-reflection. I’m trying to move away from that.

I would also love to read an article written by an Asian woman proudly and happily dating an Asian man. However, I’m also aware that people in uncontroversial relationships don’t really feel the need to speak up about their relationships. If I were dating an Asian man I wouldn’t be writing at all, and in that sense, yes, we wouldn’t be having any sort of argument/discussion because I wouldn’t be interested in this issue.

Analogies are just weird unless they are similar to the situation/issue at hand. My relationship is not a sales quota, you’re not the boss, and I’m not your employee.

A more relevant analogy would be looking at another sort of relationship: Asian men with white women. Let’s say white women have grown up with the stereotype that Asian men aren’t attractive and are controlling wife-beaters; Asian men think white women are loose and fat and get ugly with age. So the world thinks Asian men with white women are loser pairings. One Asian man and one white woman meet each other, realize the other doesn’t conform to the stereotypes, fall in love. They understand that 90% of their own people are ignorant and insensitive. They are not “one of those” who won’t give AM/WF pairings a chance. They are indeed an exception.

What I am pushing through my piece is “pursue romantic happiness without degrading the men from our own racial/cultural communities.” As long as I am being respectful to everyone – including you – then my actions reflect the value I’m stating.

heeroyuy111

My analogy stands relevant in that it’s saying that a persons actions, not their words, reveal their character and judgement. Dating a white male is still dating a white male, no matter how informed or sympathetic the Asian female might be.

We live in a white male constructed society that has allowed ample opportunity for them to place themselves at the top of the dating food chain. Every single Asian female in a relationship with a white male will vehemently defend their relationship as being true and wholesome, without ever fully realizing that they are in the position they are in because any barriers or obstacles were eliminated so that the coupling of white males and Asian females is encouraged as much as possible.

These relationships come about rarely because of any sort of coincidence or chance happening, but because it was predominately DESIGNED that way. I noticed you said he was Jewish, are you aware that Jewish male and Asian female relationships are also abnormally high? What is more believable, that this high chance of coupling is due to their chance love for each other, or because they are inherently seeking each other out? How else do you explain why are there so few white/Jewish males with black women?

But okay; you believe that your romantic happiness is justified as long as you do not degrade other people. I’m sorry, but the only way that you could not offend me is if you were dating an Asian male. Not that you might care though- after all, I’m simply a faceless person that you are speaking to on the internet that you have never met. But just know I’ve seen every single scrutinized aspect of the Asian interracial relationship issue since I was 18 (I’m 28 years old now) and so long as this disparity exists, I, along with many others, will tirelessly fight the endemic White male/Asian female relationship in every shape and form because it has manifested itself as the embodiment of years of demeaning racism at the hands of those in power.

Christine

@heeroyuy111

Yes, there have been plenty of articles about how Chinese and Jews are culturally compatible, and have a higher likelihood of getting together after chance encounters. My friend, a white woman married to a Chinese man, is currently writing about how this is also the case for Jewish women and Asian men. Not a new thing.

I would be happy to see you fight for Asian men if it involved more concrete actions and solutions than blaming WM/AF relationships. Do tirelessly fight your fight under your actual name. People like JT Tran who put themselves out there and do more than just blame Asian women are doing Asian men a lot more good than you are just following issues for 10 years, getting angry, and telling individual women (who haven’t attacked you) that their relationships offend you.

I’ve been in communication for a week with an “angry Asian man” 10 years older than you, thus with 10 years more experience with these issues and 10 years more anger and frustration than you. I’ve hashed all this out with him. I’d like to say we taught each other. It took us 25 emails and over 20,000 words for him to see me as a fair individual with a brain. But you can see me as how you see me, because I simply have no more time or energy to talk to every angry Asian man with the same statistics and the same arguments about the racist superstructure, which I never denied exists.

Again, my main concern now is to remind my own people (Asian women) not to demean others. Maybe you should focus on your own people too, and figure out a positive way for Asian men to build confidence and help themselves. Otherwise, it’s a petty, useless fight.

Kenneth

If white women and Asian men are incompatible, then Jewish women and Asian men definitely are.

anon

heeroyuy111, I think you’re approaching the entire issue and Christine with a set of prejudices that renders your arguments suspect and unconvincing except to those who already share your prejudices.

Are you the type of person who thinks engagement with China is engagement with China and thus some sort of betrayal of Western liberal democracy? You seem to be advocating an all or none, black and white, false choice worldview that is simultaneously unrealistic and bigoted.

You’re not the first or the last to do so, but I don’t think you’d be happy to be associated with the people who share this mode of thinking.

Let’s take this to a similarly absurd extreme: Why are you communicating in English at all? If you were proud to be Asian, you would be communicating in an Asian language. Actions speak louder than words. You communicating in English by itself offends me and nothing can change that.

I think simply put you are dishonest and more than a little jaded. Using numbers as your shield is an excuse, nothing more. Attacking someone for who their in a relationship with is stupid. Assuming that she is assuaging guilt by giving her thoughts on a subject is wrong. She clearly laid out her hesitations about having the relationship before she made a decision to commit. You blame her for wasting your time on having to come here and attack her personal life, are you for real?

M.L.

Someone who says they are “fighting against” AF/WM relationships is simply a racist and a control freak. Who and why two other consenting adults choose to date is their own damn business and anyone who says not only that they don’t like it but are committed to “fighting it” is on the same moral plane as a Klansmen or Nazi.

I also think there has been a rather glaring omission in this disussion of the historic and in many places continued deep seated xenophobia and prejudice towards towards both interracial dating and multiracial people in Asia. The discussion by and large presupposes a sympathetic view towards the AM who is upset by AF/WM relations that I think unwarranted and distasteful. Imagine a disussion taking a similarly sympatheic view towards white redneck hostility towards WM/AF relationships?

As long as we’re presuming mind reading abilities here and talking like we KNOW what drives other people’s dating choices, we ought to aknowledge that a large reason for AM ‘anger’ at AF/WM’ dating is very likely attributable to a deeply engrained tradition of xenophobia and hostility towards interracial dating in Asian culture.

Very interesting thread though, I must say. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many cocksure, presumptuous, judgemental, self-congratulatory posts in such a small place before, nor so many purporting to dislike racism/stereotyping even as they engage in it quite shamelessly themselves. This would be a great read for students of psychology and people’s tendency to project their distasteful characteristics onto others, often quite oblivious that they are doing so.

someasiandude

Dude. There may be a disparity in exogamy rates (which by the way, is highest among korean-americans), but that does not imply racism or discrimination.

You took the words right out of my mouth, couldnt have said it any better myself THANK YOU!

Christine

“Jesus, this victimhood/entitlement mentality is so poisonous.”

It is. Think about these issues for too long, and your brain will explode. Stay mad at the world for too long and blame the media/social structure for your shitty love life, and it will stay shitty. Surf the internet for too long looking for discussions of this issue, and you’ll never get your life back!

…Which is why I’m going out now for a few hours of real-world fun!

@someasiandude: Though I don’t blame some Asian men for being angry, it’s really refreshing to see an Asian man who isn’t!

Have a good weekend.

someasiandude

Oh I’m pretty angry, it’s just that I’m tired. One can only stay angry for so long. The dating market for AMs in the states outside the west coast can be depressingly frustrating, in a soul-crushing way, and anyone with any egalitarian tendencies at all should feel sympathetic, the way you would sympathize with anyone dealt a bad hand, like unemployed steel workers. You wouldn’t just say “tough, deal with it” even if that is technically the right answer.

Chris

I’m curious how much of it is the self-defeating attitude that comes with not having a girlfriend for a long period of time. I know a ton of white guys who have trouble finding girls, and I know a bunch of Asian guys that have girlfriends, white and otherwise. Like Jonathan Szu said above: “it all goes down to your game and skills”. That’s true to a certain degree. You can’t just complain about it not happening…get out there and do something about it!

Kenneth

I think you mean the Asian guys you know are always and forever single. And the white man always has a woman at our side

Patrick

Mostly west coast I have to agree (I’m from Portland), people are getting better. Relationships are really about letting the other person get to know who you are. My wife claims when she first met me the thought that first came to mind was “Oh god, not him”. That knocked my ego down a couple of notches, realizing that later on she loved me for who I was raised it higher. Not everyone can look past their preconceptions, finding someone that can accept you for you is truly priceless.

Christine

@someasiandude: My bf is from the Midwest, where I assume Asian men also face dating difficulties. I’ve half-jokingly said that I don’t want to live in the States, because I don’t want my future Asian/half-Asian son, if I have one, to have to grow up in a soul-crushing environment. I’m honestly “scared” of the States thanks to my preconceived notions, never having lived there myself.

@Patrick: Not everyone can look past preconceptions, but I’m glad I did, at least when it comes to my bf. When I first met him, I didn’t think he would ever BE my bf — he’s very much shorter than me. Then I got to know him as a person and got over my shallowness. Sometimes I think women discriminate more on height than race.

Patrick

@Christine
Women are supposed to be picky, process of selection and all that. Men are supposed to work for it – we just wish that sometimes women don’t make it so hard. ;)

someasiandude

@Chris, you’re right. I have a self-defeating attitude. But in some other scenarios, you wouldn’t say that so readily. Tell the 40+ unemployed steel worker that he has a bad attitude, that he should go flip burgers at wendy’s if he has to, that ninety-nine job applications with zero callbacks isn’t enough. Yeah, sounds callous, right? My problem is at least of equal magnitude, the solution at least of equal challenge. I’m trying.

@Christine, that is unfortunately the choice I don’t quite have. Yes, I could leave the states and move to asia for better dating prospects. But for various career reasons I’m stuck here for the medium term.

markx

“…if you were proud to be Asian, you would be with an Asian man…”

Ridiculous, unfounded, unsubstantiated statement.
Making a formal pronouncement does not make that statement true.

Lisa

I’ve followed Christine’s musings on this topic on her own blog, and appreciate her conscientiousness about her actions and what her relationship represents to some people. I come at the topic as a white woman who grew up in a heavily Asian-American environment, before moving to China. Many of my closest male friends are Asian, and I get seriously pissed off about the stereotyping and sexual dismissal they deal with from Western culture. Most of my boyfriends have also been Asian guys – they’re often less sexist and almost always hotter than white etc guys – and I have dealt with a lot of bull for that. Particularly from my Overseas Asian girlfriends, who ask things like, “Why do you date Asian guys when you don’t *have* to?!” (ie without parental pressure). Trust me, very few of them have given this as much thought as Christine has.

In theory I’m all for the WM/AF pairings, since it means the ugly white guys leave me alone, and hey more hot Asian guys left for me! But the sociological fallout from the unequal pairings splatters it shit over all of us.

The statistical dispairities do attest to a deeply rooted sexualized racism, and I think Christine is agreeing with that point, and trying to combat it.

Without sounding too CSI here, to me it’s all about motive. I am a WF who married an AM. Why did I fall in love with him? The usual reasons I hope that most people fall in love: he made me laugh, he was ridiculously good-looking in my opinion and we just clicked. When I saw him I didn’t see an Asian guy, I saw a cute guy who happened to be Asian which sounds exactly like the same reason that Christine fell in love with her man. He just happened to be white.

The problem comes, for me, when anyone is dating for racist reasons especially if you’re being racist about your own race. I would hate for any future children of mine to think less of their Asian side than their white side. They’re equally important. Living in Taiwan, nothing makes me squirm more than when I hear some women here go on about how much better white men. It just ain’t true. Men are men. Some of them are awesome, some not so much. Awesomeness is not dictated by race or culture. Asian women who are genuinely in love with white guys don’t suck. Anyone perpetuating ridiculous racist ideas are the ones who suck.

Great article, I really enjoyed reading it thanks.

anon

A HEALTHY MINDSET! THANK YOU!

Diyano

THANK YOU!

That’s the same reason why I fell in love with my girlfriend and i think the exact same way!

Christine

“Asian women who are genuinely in love with white guys don’t suck. Anyone perpetuating ridiculous racist ideas are the ones who suck.”

Thanks Kath! That perfectly summarizes my post :)

Holly~

I love this article because it’s so balanced and Christine totally diminishes the stereotype of AF/WM couples because she is so down to earth and fair about the subject. I admit I used to judge White guys who dated Asian women, and reading some of these comments, I feel really sorry for thinking so narrow mindedly because obviously real love is out there.

The truth is, most people do date on a superficial basis, at least while initiating the relationship. To be honest, I think on average, White guys seem to have more relaxed standards – you might hear Chinese guys remark ‘She’s ugly’ because her skin is too dark/eyes aren’t big enough/has a few pimples/is too curvy (and by ‘too curvy’ can mean any bigger than a size 2 -_-) or some other stupid thing. If there’s one thing I’ve realised about 1st generation Asian men it’s that they have incredibly and almost audaciously high standards and I can understand that the pressure on looks is even higher than we face in the West. But I’ve heard Chinese girls say that what they like about foreign guys is that they don’t really focus on that overreaching stuff – a pretty girl is a pretty girl to them, they are more open minded, so I can see why Asian women would feel more comfortable in that kind of relationship because usually the white guys WORSHIPS her and makes her feel appreciated and beautiful. Some white men have preferences for Asians. Some women have preferences for rich white guys. And while that kind of bias sounds wrong on paper, it’s not really any different from a guy having a preference for other guys, or preferring blondes or brunettes. Rules are basically non existent in the dating world and that’s what provides us with so much variation and fascination.
At the end of the day, if two people want to date each other then it’s not really anyone else’s business, even if it’s blatantly odd.

I am also a WF engaged to a AM. Though I’ve pretty much forgotten that he’s Asian because he’s just like any average dude. And then when we go visit his Mom and he starts speaking Mandarin, I remember, perhaps we are different after all. But we’re also the same. He looks like Godfrey Gao and treats me like a Princess. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but some Asian men are absolutely gorgeous. And sweet, and funny. If some Asian women don’t want to date their own men, then I don’t mind – it just means more Asian guys to go around for the rest of us. Woo.

I am sorry but I am a white male living in Manilla Philippines. I have been dateing asian wemon for two years. If you wher to ask me if I would rather be with a white women or asian!!!! I think the white female has her good days and bad but. I would rather be with a lady whos honest and reliable and all real. Real most american white females are fake eye color lash,brest implants,lipes pumped with cologen, face lift tummy tuck lypo sucktion and a attude that the world owes them “dame” lets not go on. The asian woman mabe poor none educated skinny even none working but they are loyal. I cant say honest because moste have taken some thing from my room but I am being honest here. I still perfer Asian wemon than whit american wemon.

Get with it

yea, but asian women with implants are even better

someasiandude

I think it’s legitimate to have an aesthetic preference for white men, or black men, or just non-asian men in general. Race is after all, correlated strongly with many aspects of physical appearance and culture, which are important parts of what makes someone attractive to another.

One could imagine a thought experiment about choosing between twins raised together, that differ only by skin tone, and in that scenario we might say we were race neutral, but that’s far fetched. In reality, that’s never the case. I’m asian, therefore I am shorter, smaller, and do not conform to the conventional standards of beauty. My limited success with girls (asian or otherwise) has very little to do with my race per se. It’s all those other things that matter.

It’s ok for my asian sisters to have preferences. Love whomever you want, do whatever makes you happy. You deserve to be with someone you consider attractive. Choose wisely, but I’m sure you know what’s best for you.

As for my asian brothers… That’s life. I have only to choose whether to give up and find my happiness elsewhere, or struggle onward, knowing that if the world loves me half as much as someone else, I must love twice as hard.

JustABlackWoman

The only reason their is a standard of beauty is because the higher ups set standards for it. Its all media garbage and who sets it.

For instance take Japan where fair skin, acting innocently cute, and clothed is considered ideal, and you come to america and darker tanned skin, overly sexual, and more skin exposure is preferred. Who perpetuates these standards…the media.

someasiandude

I’m not really sure I agree with this notion that ‘conventional standards of beauty are artificial.’

First, I don’t think that I have some kind of false consciousness operating when I feel attracted to someone who might be conventionally beautiful. It just feels right. It also seems kinda patronizing to think that other people’s preferences are false and they don’t actually know what they want.

Second, I don’t see how being socially conditioned to prefer the hollywood aesthetic is any less ‘artificial’ than being conditioned by my environment to prefer the j-pop aesthetic, or the kinds of girls I grew up with in my formative years, or follow the instincts of my evolutionary ancestors. They’re all mostly irrational preferences, and have little to do with actual traits in a partner that would make a truly good life companion.

We are what we are and we like what we like.

JustABlackWoman

My point is someone else creates a standard of beauty when we are surrounded by information and technological overload. We get conditioned on what to like and dont like.

Just as a man from America could appreciate a Asian woman that might be considered overweight and unattractive in Asia. And why? Because America sets a standard of acceptance of weight that is more tolerant of thicker people.
What asian people might considered fat and unattractive is what a man might find sexy in America. (And for the record Im not saying either view is right or wrong it just is)

Another example my japanese friend said that in Japan they think beyonce is a good singer but fat as well as Kim Kardashian, but over here my America friends say they have a smokin hot bod and wouldn’t want thin stick girls.

Im not saying the media takes complete control but it does take a larger portion than people realize on what we consider the standard of beauty. From tv,internet, magazines, signs,bill boards, posters, ads….its all around us.

Id say the only people that are allowed some sort of freedom are the Amish and un-modernized societies.

Patrick

I’m not so sure about that. I didn’t speak English until I was 5. I spoke tagalog. My parents had just thought I was retarded until they found out that their Filipina nanny hadn’t taught their son English. I was a blonde haired blue-eyed Filipino. In any case they fired the nanny and I really never thought much about it growing up. My mom wasn’t surprised when I married a Chinese woman. I asked why, because every girlfriend I had growing up shared a few characteristics, Dark brown eyes, olive toned skin and dark brown or black hair.

anon

Her point is that we may know what we like but we may not know why we like what we like. In other words, we’re products of our socialization and it is arguably true that Western conceptions of beauty have more force and reach to them given the dominance of Western society and pop culture. People are followers and their values can be molded and shaped by what they are exposed to. Western ideals of beauty (ex. tanned skin) may not always overpower local ideals of beauty in Asia (ex. fair skin) but they may be more influential and far reaching than vice versa. This is nature of society and influence.

Let’s say if history had gone a different way, and Asia embarked on industrialism, imperialism, and remained the dominant geopolitical society and culture today, wouldn’t more people be socialized with a different ideal of beauty? JustABlackWoman is right, our preferences are influenced by who has the most influence in socialization…and you’re right that we will genuinely like what we like. After all, some people used to like bound feet and genuinely so. What happened?

Patrick

I understand her point. My rebuttal was aimed precisely at that. I grew up in the Northwest coast near Portland. I saw all the same television shows and movies that everyone else did. I’m stating that what happened to me in the formative years affected me in that way. That’s not conclusive evidence I know, but at the same time media didn’t “brainwash” me into the aryan ideal so to speak. Yes media is a contributing factor as well as other social influences – I would never argue against it. But my point is that it’s not the most important one. Other things shape us too. Family, belief systems (mini sub-culture) and other relevant relationships shape how we think. She says they don’t take complete control but some of the examples are things I hear shaped in normal conversation with the guys, I like tall, short, thick, thin. I doubt I’m so exceptional that I have never been affected by media – but I am sure that I am not shaping my opinions out of a rebel persona either – which would be no different. Opinions start from what we learn from others, yes that includes media. Did media help determine what job you wanted? Did for me, tons of video games and a love for Transformers drew me into computers. Did it help me pick my wife? No, I drew comparisons on what I thought was beautiful, what her qualities were – not to mention her obnoxious laugh. God it’s horrible, but terribly cute at the same time. BTW love the last post on the page – although I’d have a few arguments on her blog as well.

@Anon – Sorry my bad, it’s all running together now. I didn’t think I’d get so into it.

someasiandude

That’s a fair point. But on an individual level, it doesn’t matter to me why I like what I like. I just do. I can’t change it even if I wanted to, and I do want to. Same way it doesn’t matter why asian girls like what they like. They just do, and they can’t change it even if they wanted to.

If I found girls above a size 8 attractive, my life would be soooo much easier

anon

someasiandude, I understand that. I’m just agreeing that if we understood the societal factors that influence our preferences, we might better empathize with those who get the short end of the stick as a result of those societal factors. Once we understand that, maybe we can find a way to make the world just a little bit fairer for everyone because that’s what we’d want if we were in their shoes. John Rawls and A Theory of Justice and all that.

M.L.

Someasiandude makes an excellent point here. The physical traits of most Asians (short and slender compared to Westerners for instance) go a long way towards explaining why in general, WM are more attracted to AF than WF are attracted to AM. The more gracile body type of most East Asians are in line with Western standards of feminine beauty but not with Western standards of male attractiveness. It doesn’t explain it all of course but it sounds a lot more plausible than any of the attempts to explain it as a consequence of “white hegemony” or any of the other theories bandied about here that sound more the product of bitterness and unrequited love or, frankly, simple bigotry than reason.

Hei Gui

Let’s be realistic. You notice the Title “Asian Women with White Men Suck?” concerns white men (Caucasian males) and Asian women (East Asians presumably), Arab women are not involved, because the amount of cross cultural dating there is insignificant. And certainly not African women as that would be out of context on this blog. White men have been singled out and portrayed as some kind of vultures or opportunists since perhaps there are fewer women in China than men, which is really a socio-political issue (one child policy) that favours male over female children.

However, the article is ‘deliberately’ ignoring the cross cultural relationships between black males and Asian women which is understandable considering Asian sentiments torwards ‘these kinds of relationships’. It would be very unfashionable to write about that! So let’s stick to the Western VS Chinese socio mechanics.

The fact that a lot of Asian men would love be involved (sexually or otherwise) with a Caucasian woman, and the fact that there are a few Asian men who have white girl friends or wives or at least fantasize about it is what I find ironic.
As an African, I have explored relationships with women from all continents, and LOVE ALL WOMEN but have realised that I prefer African women (women from my country to be precise). So I find it natural or human for anyone who has not explored to feel jealous or that they are in some kind of danger from foreigners if they seem to be unable to compete favourably. Even here in Africa we have a lot of Asian men going out with African women (either because they like Africans or they don’t have a choice since there are not enough Asian women to go around, and the Caucasian women here for some reason prefer African and Caucasian men).

So realistically speaking, white men win most of the time, because they have the money, media like movies etc… have brainwashed us into perceiving white relationships as the most fulfilling in some ways, and white men are considered globally the epitome of handsomeness because most of our perceptions are shaped by the western media, books, and other things that we consume to form our perceptions of the world. So great! They have it because they have the money and the power and I think they should enjoy it. Who would not want to be considered a ‘Brad Pitt’ in every exotic society that they visit. I certainly would, and I would not be embarrassed about it. China is growing, and perceptions of Chinese men will change too and you will have your turn at projecting onto the world your ideals of what beauty is, whether it is brother sharp (whom I think is actually a good looking guy), or Korea’s Joo Ji Hon, or some other ideal. Just like I have to watch really tall skinny women today and be told that is what is beautiful, you guys might decide short and fat is the ideal as an example. But that’s a subject for another discussion.

So let’s be realistic here and acknowledge that that is life. Go out and get yourself a white, black or Arab woman if you want, I have, and I am not going to apologise about it. And then decide if you want to be in a cross cultural marriage or not. But whether you like it or not, it happens, and it always will, don’t swim against the tide.

Best wishes to all of you, even those that want to kill me right now, enjoy the weekend, thats what Im going to do. And drink some Er Guo Tou (Love that stuff ;-))

I don’t think it is fair to say this article is “‘deliberately’ ignoring the cross cultural relationships between black males and Asian women”. Christine is in a AF/WM relationship and she’s writing about her own experiences. Why would you criticize her for not writing about or not setting out to write about something that doesn’t fall within her experience?

Maybe you should find some overseas Chinese who are in relationships with blacks and ask them to share their experiences here instead of calling foul for no reason. That entire paragraph is seething with an unreasonable suspicion of conspiracy against black-Asian relationships that is really unfounded.

I agree with the rest of what you say. Brother Sharp was decent looking except for the missing teeth.

Rosemon (aka Pilot82)

Yes it is fair to say that…As an African American male who’s lived in China…I agree with his sentiments. It is deliberately ignoring the cross relationships between Asian women and Black Males, as if they dont exist…well they most certainly do! I find the AW/BM cross relationship more intresting than the cliche ones I see just about everywhere…Hei Gui isnt calling foul for no reason…the reason is clear as day….

[Note: Please do not pretend to be multiple people.]

anon

I find it hard to argue that Christine is “deliberately ignoring” anything. How do you prove that she is? What I tried to explain before in my previous comment was how do you expect her to address the cross-relationships between Asian women and Black males when the basis of her article is her own personal experience. I don’t think she was out to write a dissertation on multiracial relationships in general, but rather to share about her own thoughts and feelings about her own relationship with a white man.

So no, the reason for accusing Christine of “deliberately ignoring” is not clear as day at all. What makes you think she “deliberately ignored” cross-relationships between Asian women and black males? You have to have some sort of justified expectation for her to have done so that she failed to live up to. I don’t see how that is reasonable at all. Her article is titled and immediately starts off specifically discussing someone saying to her that “Asian Women with White Men suck” and that’s what her article is about. Should we be accusing her of “deliberately ignoring” cross-relationships between Indian men and Asian women?

Christine

Thanks Anon. I couldn’t have done a better job explaining why I didn’t address other interracial relationships. I have a word limit you know! As well as limited personal experience, and that’s what this website is about. I will be very happy to read some other person’s personal experiences dating other types of folks.

Get with it

A frequent problem with naive people from racially homogenous countries think for some reason usually based in bias and insecurity that people should only date “within their race”
Its the 21st century. Time to grow up.

Anon

I really couldn’t understand why AFs would be racist towards their own brothers. Obviously there’s good AM and there’s bad AM, but this phenomena occurs in every race, so to generalize AMs as inferior to white counterparts is plain idiotic–plain hateful, Hitler-like. Don’t understand it at all.

If it’s cause of anything in the above list, while I don’t agree with any of it, I don’t think anyone can reasonably blame AFs for choosing WM over AM. Sure, some AFs might be weaker for taking the easy route to obtain material gain/status or whatever, but that’s just human nature isn’t it? Def more a result of societal pressure than individual choice.

I agree with lots of posters above. This phenomena will pass with time, as China opens up further and matures into a more developed and sophisticated country with lots to be proud of. That’s the way it’s headed with such rapid globalization. It will change in the same way lots of Chinese who have emigrated out from China in the 80s and 90s now wished they’d had stayed instead.

JustABlackWoman

@Anon

It really saddens me though about the Asian females you mention.
Yes Ive dated white men before but I dont understand or know how or why asian women believe the strongly gross misconception that all white men are princes, successful, or rich.

If alot of them new what a good portion of white guys think of asian girls ((to try out as a festish/the conception that their submissive and serve husbands even when the husbands cheat/that their wanton because of porn/that their naive and easily to take advantage of)) they might rethink and really consider to look for a guy that really accepts them no matter the color.

I have to say Ive never actually met a white guy (at least around my age) that has some extensive form of of financial wealth. There the same as me middle class and have no more than I do. In fact Ive dated more ones that were poorer than me than anything else.

Theres is a black woman on youtube in korea thats a english teacher from the states. She said she saw a car commercial that showed a luxury car with guys in a race in the woods to get it. As one guy passed he was korean and they called him boy and they show the next guy pass and he was white and they called him man, and he got to win the car…I couldn’t believe they would actually show something like that to degrade their country of asian men.

The teacher later asked her students how it made them feel and she said the students felt the car wasnt meant for them or that they deserve it because they werent white…stuff like that is really saddening and disgusting to me.

Leo

You know, I think Asian guys’ time is coming. I think girls are finally waking up and seeing that there are plenty of rather attractive Asian men out there. The whole white image of the hyper-macho, big guns, six foot seven, hairy-arsed look might have been the in thing but we’re not living in a caveman era anymore so there really is no need for a man to defend his girl from mammoths and sabre tooth tigers (okay, whatever).

Personally I don’t care about other people’s relationships all that much, the white guy with Asian girl combination – I don’t see anything wrong with it. But sometimes it’s incredibly obvious that there is a weird imbalance between them, and that the attraction is warped for reasons such as race fetishism or money. Wendi Deng + Rupert Murdoch are an awful example because they reinforce every possible stereotype – the old fatcat evil rich guy and the shallow, golddigging, fresh off the boat, ruthless Dragon lady temptress (for lack of a better word).

TAKE5

I see young Chinese girls with old Chinese men all the time…..it’s common. Golddiggers come in all colors and combinations.

Patrick

I’ve seen russian women with old Chinese guys – gotta agree.

M.L.

This talk of rich old white men with young Asian girls is really overblown here. That is really not a common phenomenon, even if there may be some notable high profile examples. The preoccupation with this here is weird, as this is neither representative of WM/AF relationships or common.

As a matter of fact, this thread exaggerates the significance of AF/WM relationships on general. They’re really not that common. Black/White interracial pairings are far more common even though they are far more controversial or eyebrow raising, and White/Hispanic couplings dwarf White/Black and White/Asian pairings combined many times over (in part probably because many ‘Hispanics’ are actually caucasian or have substantial caucasian ancestry).

Jonathan Szu

First off I am an Asia guy with a Eurasian wife. Personally I have dated women of all races. In fact my 1st girlfriend was Persian. To me there is no color line only if they are hot and I like them enough. In any case three points here:

1. Who gives a damn what someone else prefers? There are 6 billion people on earth so there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. Dont’ worry what someone else prefers just worry about yourself.
2. For all the asian men or boys crying about no girls…my advice get some game brutha. It all goes down to your game and skills. I have dated latin women who onlly dated other latins, asians who only dated whites, asians who only dated asians and so on and on. In all the cases I was able to have a great time with them and there was no color issue.
3. For all my white men or boys…more power to you on getting the girl if she is hot. If I was available and I dig your girl better step up your skills man.

Bottom line is work on what you get vs. crying about what else someone prefers.

Christine

“Bottom line is work on what you get vs. crying about what else someone prefers.”

Great attitude. Tell it to this guy above, who is personally offended by me.

Robespierre

Jonathan,
I think your post is the most sane of all the posts I’ve seen here.
All you frustrated, insecure, trying to figure out women and the world while sitting in front of your computer types…read Jonathan’s post and take it in…..this is the world..this is reality.
The longer you take in trying to figure this out, the better for me. This is because I’m at the library, Starbucks, the supermarket hitting on the woman you could’ve tried to start a relationship with. Ciao.

Lewis

Think you could fuck off and come back when you have something to write about China? It’s all Asian this and white that and oh by the way my blog blah blah. To be honest your blog is great but you only the tenth person to write about this in Diaspora in the last ten days.

Chris

Not as diplomatic as I would have been, but I kind of agree. Something’s been off about chinaSMACK the last month or two and this is it (the “Asian this and white that” thing).

Patrick

Actually not diplomatic at all. Are you familiar with the word diaspora? Maybe you hadn’t noticed Malaysia in the address listed above. Like the commercial section this section is different from the main news site. This portion is for people of Chinese ancestry in different parts of the world telling their stories. If you had been interested in reading them all you may have noticed the subtle differences. They’re talking about similar things because they’re supposed to – they’re perspective writings. If you are dissatisfied with the site – why come?

Chris

Ha, completely my fault. I didn’t realize this was a subsite of the main. My mistake!

Patrick

My fault on one point, I hadn’t made it completely clear on who I was talking to I guess, it wasn’t you.

Lewis

Oh right! I guess i wasn’t looking close enough. You see I thought it said “chinasmack.com” somewhere on this site. Chinasmack is a website about really cool shit from China and what Chinese people think about it. This is appears to be some offshoot that is but tangentially related.

Patrick

I guess so. You’re right that it does indeed say “chinasmack.com” that would be the tangentially related aspect you are talking about. However, since it says “diaspora.chinasmack.com” it’s not the part with all that really cool shit from China that you’re talking about. It’s the part where people write words in to complex collections called sentences, which in turn are grouped into things called paragraphs that are really groupings of ideas that follow a theme that matches the body of the article.

I think a site with more pictures would make you happier. Since I can’t recommend porn to you as it’s hard to determine your age, maybe I can suggest more family friendly stuff. Do you like Dr. Seuss?

As you may infer from the title, it was written by a Korean-American female who will never date a white male. Plain and simple. This is what I call true progress, not long winded articles written by Asian females who profess that they are knowledgeable and understanding of racial factors in Asian interracial relationships and yet still proceed to date white males. I also find it funny how you earlier mentioned that most Asian women who write about their experiences with white men do so because their relationships are “controversial”; ironically, now the situation has gotten so out of control that it seems like an Asian female who prefers to date an Asian male is considered the controversial one.

But you’re right- Asian men should take action for themselves and make an effort to change the landscape around them. I’m Facebook friends with JT Tran, and I understand the impact of what he’s doing and how much the opportunity the PUA community has to level the playing field. Rest assured, I am doing my part. I live in the southern part of the United States, and I spend a lot of time networking and meeting new people, and discussing the interracial relationship topic with anyone and everyone who is willing to listen.

Anon

Nice recommendation dude! Sometimes didn’t really know where you were coming from in your earlier posts cause you sounded extreme, but now I understand more.

It was unexpected, but it was really refreshing to hear an AF stick up for AM like this. That Esther Ku comedian she referred to in her post…what the f??? Hoped there weren’t an AM in that room…if I were there I would have felt damn awkward. Wow. What an idiot.

Anon

Again, thanks for this.

Just realized further that, you know, people in general can only do so much for themselves. Indeed, AM can stop feeling sorry for their situation, for instance, but definitely, society as a whole–AFs in particular–can do a bit more to boost the egos of AM. Nothing wrong with that–everybody needs an ego boost sometime.

heeroyuy111

Glad you like it! Indeed, sometimes it feels like a dog eat dog world, and you do the best to stay positive and hope for the best outcomes. I do believe things are gradually changing for the better though.

Anon2

hey u catch this from her blog?

I have nothing against interracial dating…but it is just not for me. Furthermore, these rules don’t apply to Asian men who score non-Asian women. Kudos to them for finding someone who isn’t blindly following the definition of what an Asian man is “supposed to be.”

When I read this, I was like, why the hell would I want to score non-Asian women when there’s Asian women like you? She’s so damn proud of her culture and her men. I’d wife her any day.

Christine

I do appreciate that article. I don’t know why you think I wouldn’t. I especially agree with this paragraph:

However, I have noticed that some Asian women DO buy into that shit. And it’s both sad and irritating. While I have nothing against two random people falling in love by chance (Asian/White/Black/Whatever), I DO think it’s pathetic and lame when an Asian American woman proclaims, “I only date white men” or “I don’t date Asian guys.” Not only do I think it’s pathetic, I think they sound pathetic and just really, really stupid. Then when you ask these women why, they list a bunch of reasons that sounds more like it came from Hollywood Stereotypes 101 (unintentionally affirming that yes, they really ARE that stupid).

I never said that I have anything against interracial dating/marriage. What I said is that I have nothing against dating someone outside your race/religion/ethnicity/etc if you just happen to fall in love with someone outside your own group. What I DO think is pathetic are people who buy into stereotypes AGAINST THEIR OWN ethnic/racial group and proceed to then discriminate against your group. This to me is self-loathing to some extent.

She’s against white worshipping Asian women. I agree with everything she said. If you actually read my article, I’m also against THAT type of woman who demeans Asian men. And even she says she has nothing against two random people falling in love whatever their races; it’s the ones who demean Asian men she hates.

I would never want to date a white guy because I would never want to be perceived by the outside world as being THAT girl.

This was the way I felt. This is sometimes the way I still feel. There is a fraction of Asian girls who never sought out the white guy, who never thought of seeking out the white guy, who didn’t want to seek out the white guy. That is myself. I suppose the only people who will not see me as THAT girl are those who know me.

Sidenote: I grew up in a different context. As a teen in Malaysia, arguing about interracial relationships meant arguing over Chinese-Indian, Chinese-Malay, Malay-Indian pairings. I haven’t grown up with the same sort of Asian-white tension, not to the degree you or the blogger you linked to have. This is just to remind you that my “landscape” may be different from yours. “Asian female who prefers to date Asian males” is, well, “duh, of course” back home.

My view is simple: I won’t trash Asian guys for my own romantic happiness, and I hope you won’t trash me. You can go ahead and trash Asian girls who are way overboard and sometimes do deserve more than a bit of criticism… like those who make YouTube videos denouncing Asian men. I look at those and feel ashamed.

I’m also Facebook/Twitter friends with JT Tran, and wish you guys the best of luck. It IS a dog eat dog world and I think Asian men need all the support they can get; if one Asian girl who has a white boyfriend wants to cheer for you instead of make Esther Ku-type videos, you shouldn’t be so quick to attack her or bring her down.

anon

Sorry, I didn’t see this post before commenting myself.

Christine

No need to apologize. I appreciate your reply. Ultimately, I think somekoreanchick and I would get along and be good friends.

On a random note: A usual criticism against Asian men is that they are short, but my bf is shorter than most of the Chinese guys we pass by every day. My parents are honestly more appalled that he is way shorter than me than they are by his race. I think men are more discriminated against for height than race… women usually insist on “dating tall”!

anon

heeroyuy111, you must be positively offended that she later wrote:

I am not against interracial relationships if they are based on true love and not some self loathing bullshit about how white is better or some disgusting fetish, which I find appalling, sexist and racist. I wrote that post because I was frustrated by how much American popular culture demeans Asian guys, which I took very personally because I am Asian and proud to be one.

To me, she said the same thing Christine did, quite literally too. So, we’re left to conclude that you’re offended by Christine not because of what she believes but because of a result. You don’t really care what somekoreanchick said, just that she wasn’t with a white man. You don’t appreciate her article because you clearly haven’t acknowledged anything she actually wrote. You yourself said you don’t care about her words, so how can you appreciate her article? A composition of her words? No, you only appreciate that she happens to be dating the only race you approve for her. That’s a bit misogynistic actually. You don’t care what she thinks, only what she does.

Ultimately, I don’t see how somekoreanchick is any less selfish as Christine may be. Christine overrode her hesitations with her feelings for her boyfriend. somekoreanchick declares she won’t entertain possible feelings for a white male in order to preserve how she wants to be seen. That’s a form of selfish vanity as well. But here’s the key thing that I think somekoreanchick makes clear and which you’ve failed to absorb: She, like Christine, are against Asian girls who “stereotype and demean people who share your racial background”. She thinks that’s a “travesty” and they “suffer from low self esteem or self-hatred of some sort”. These are things that Christine addresses too.

somekoreanchick’s decision to not date white men stems from her not wanting to be seen as girls who are like that. She doesn’t want to deal with that image. Christine clearly doesn’t either, but she doesn’t think she needs to forgo dating someone she has feelings for to do so. It’s like believing we can engage with China without giving up our liberal democratic politics.

You’re only seeing what you want to see in somekoreangirl’s post. Let me show you more that goes against what you stand for:

What I said is that I have nothing against dating someone outside your race/religion/ethnicity/etc if you just happen to fall in love with someone outside your own group. What I DO think is pathetic are people who buy into stereotypes AGAINST THEIR OWN ethnic/racial group and proceed to then discriminate against your group.

Only difference with Christine is that she’s willing to date white guys. Otherwise, Christine is attracted to other Asians and also hates how Asian men get shafted by the media in America.

Christine

All I want to add to this is: I am an Asian girl with a white boyfriend who is actually cheering for an end to Asian male stereotypes, who supports the Asian Playboy and wishes there were more JT Trans in the world. What are Asian men trying to prove by insulting me? Are you purposely trying to turn me into the type who makes videos demeaning Asian men? Are you trying to stop me from being supportive of your cause? Then it would be as ridiculous as someone saying “You’re not an orphan, you can’t donate money to orphans until you become one,” “You’re not blind, don’t support blind people,” “You don’t have this condition, therefore you cannot show support for those who do.”

Anon2

Hi Ms. tan and anon,

I definitely see where you guys are coming from. Indeed, if there’s something all of us should be entitled to, it is who we choose to have relationships with. There’s obviously nothing wrong with WM/AF relationships if they’re real like Ms Tan’s, in fact, the same could be said for all pairings regardless of race.

I think what heeroyuy111 is trying to get at is that tho Tan and somekoreanchick thinks the same way about interracial dating, there is a subtle but real difference in the context. Somekoreanchick states in her title “why I will Never date a white guy”. I think it’s statements like these that really destroy the stereotypes and supports AM. Understanding is good, but action beats understanding any day. Somekoreanchick is really sticking up for AM, and that’s why her post has really touched a lot of people and have been viewed by so many.

I’m an AM. Don’t get me wrong, I think there are really beautiful, capable and smart women of all races (there was this German girl I really, really liked), but I doubt I will ever date outside my ethnicity (not even Korean/Japanese girls), cause I think by doing that I’m giving up a part of myself I really, really cherish–my Chineseness. What’s so unique about somekoreanchick is that she’s just so proud of her heritage. I respect, and I would be really proud if my future gf would have her mentality.

Anon2

In fact, I wouldn’t feel like I was being myself or respecting my identity if I dated outside my own ethnicity. A large part of my identity comes my ancestors, thousands of years of Chinese history. I am willing to sacrifice for the woman I love, but one thing I would probably never be willing to sacrifice is who I am. I just wouldn’t be truly Chinese if I dated a japanese, korean, indian, african, caucasian girl, etc…

I know, my way of thinking is not practical, but it’s just part of my beliefs, and in the same way I couldn’t force others to think the way I do, nobody can tell me my way of thinking is wrong or backwards. I think somekoreanchick feels the same way.

Christine

Thanks for the comment, Anon2. I truly hope you find the Chinese girl of your dreams :)

I do get what you (and even heeroyuy111) mean about actions. somekoreanchick and I are acting differently, but we have different “goals.” There is, as you say, a subtle and real difference in context. Her big concern is the stereotyping of Asian men, and mine is the notion that all WM/AF couples are grossly unequal and not “real.” While I am sympathetic to Asian men and think Asian women should never hurt them by saying terrible things and perpetuating those stereotypes, the focus of my article is ultimately not on Asian men, but WM/AF pairings.

anon

Anon2, I’m not going to stop you from dating only Chinese girls if you wish but something about openly saying that dating outside your own ethnicity would be disrespecting your identity sounds rather extreme. Why is your self-identity tied to oversimplified notions of racial or ethnic purity? Isn’t that somewhat dangerous? I don’t think self-esteem should be tied with notions of racial or ethnic purity. I also don’t think your self-esteem should be tied to what race or ethnicity other girls date. Aren’t you essentially demanding that others subjugate their lives to the reinforcement of your own insecure ego?

Another thing that bothers me is the interpretation of somekoreanchick “sticking up for AM”. I see that conclusion as basically ignoring what I consider to be the main thrust of her post, “criticizing the AF who demean and loathe their own racial, ethnic, or cultural backgrounds”. Yeah, she IS sticking up for AM but I think she’s accomplishing that more by declaring that AM ought not be stereotyped and have been done a disservice by such stereotypes than by her refusal to date white men. I can’t help but feel that all the emphasis some AMs are putting on her choice to not date white men is grossly infantile. It feels you guys care less about the reasons than the result, when it is the reasons that contribute most to trends of AFs disrespecting AMs. You guys aren’t attacking the root of the problem, you just want the different symptoms.

The key is to change the unfair stereotypical notions of AMs that some AFs are being socialized with, not to just demand that she only date AMs. Americans may be able to institute affirmative action for college acceptances but you’re going to have a lot harder time trying to institute that for personal romantic relationships.

Ultimately, heeroyuy111 is not advancing the cause for AMs or bringing up any meaningful improvement for the AMs situation. He’s blaming, attacking, selective reading, and stomping his feet on the ground demanding that others comfort him. I don’t disagree with the fact that AMs are disadvantaged in current society, but I also disagree with his behavior just as I disagree with somekoreanchick’s white coworker expressing surprise that she would want to date Asians instead of whites. The underlying prejudice and mentality is abhorrent.

Anon2

Hi anon,

Indeed what you say right, but I never said dating ppl outside your own ethnicity is disrespecting identity in general. Some ppl couldn’t care less what culture they came from, and there’s nothing wrong with that–in fact with globalization that’s the way things are heading. I just said I wouldn’t “feel like” I would be respecting my beliefs, my goals–my identity, which in my case just so happens is deeply rooted in being Chinese. Prob shoulda made that clearer, and thanks for your pointers.

Wrt your interpretation of somekoreanchick’s article:

“Yeah, she IS sticking up for AM but I think she’s accomplishing that more by declaring that AM ought not be stereotyped and have been done a disservice by such stereotypes than by her refusal to date white men.”

What makes her article refreshing to me, and to most other readers I think, is that she says simply that she won’t date white men–it’s almost like a direct response for those AFs who say they won’t for the life of them date asian men. She’s sticking up for AM in that way. Not saying her actions are right, but I really respect that.

To be honest I think BOTH perspectives are wrong, but I mean if we’re going to be slapped in the face by some AFs, I’m sure as hell glad there’s some AFs willing to stand clearly on our side instead of mediating in the middle reasoning why it’s wrong to stereotype AM. You’re right, it’s infantile, but it sure adds some spice to the argument. Nobody’s gonna get hurt, especially not WM or AFs who only date WM if that’s what you’re worried about; in fact, the only thing gained is more respect for AM. Won’t you be happy about that too?

Self-esteem is an interesting thing. I can try my hardest to feel good about myself, improve and all that (and in general I really do), but the feeling of validation is something that would really push AM over barriers and other obstacles. It’s like learning to public speak; you can do a great presentation, but you don’t know if it’s actually good until someone else tells you, “hey man, really enjoyed your presentation”. And quite honestly, I think its reasonable for me and heeroyuy111 to feel that just simply saying that it’s wrong for AFs to be racist against AMs is really not that great of a validation.

Christine

Hey Anon2,

A reply before calling it a night.

The difference between you and heeroyuy111 is you stated: “There’s obviously nothing wrong with WM/AF relationships if they’re real like Ms Tan’s, in fact, the same could be said for all pairings regardless of race.” You give people a chance. He, on the other hand, is only alarmingly contemptuous.

I know you and heeroyuy111 admire somekoreanchick, and I don’t see why you shouldn’t. I have no desire to criticize her, and I have absolutely no reason to. You’re right that her declaration is refreshing. I myself can’t and won’t declare any absolutes about my own love life, but if there are those who, in the interest of Asian men, can be absolute, then power to them. Just… don’t turn on me or belittle my relationship because I can’t make that statement, just like I can’t imagine turning on Asian men and belittling them in order to be with my partner.

When I say it’s wrong for AFs to be racist against AMs, I’m not saying it to validate you guys. That’s not my purpose in all this, and I’m glad you’ve found your validating figure elsewhere, in somekoreanchick. I’m saying it because even though “Everybody knows it’s wrong to stereotype people-that’s boring shit. PERIOD”, Asian women are still doing it, or not realizing that what they’re saying IS stereotyping or harmful. Some might think it’s “harmless ha-ha.” The continuous trash-talking and slapping in the face on both sides, from AFs and AMs, does nothing but breed negativity and hostility. Maybe it’s an obvious fact, but one that’s often forgotten.

anon

Anon2, unfortunately, even if everyone knows its wrong to stereotype people, it happens so often that its clear that people need to be reminded, and I think that was a key point made by somekoreanchick. I don’t think it is boring at all.

I understand how directly saying she won’t date white men at all is forceful and “refreshing” to you. But I think its a mistake to focus too much on that declaration to the detriment of understanding the reasons behind it, JUST as it is a mistake to focus too much on an AF declaring she’ll only date white men without seeking to understand why she’d say that.

If we don’t understand the reasoning, we’ll never change the declarations (conclusions).

I also understand you delighting in having some AFs stand on “your side”. It’s the whole “even your own disagrees with you” thing. People in the middle trying to be rational are never appreciated by the irrational people who have chosen a side and only see things as “us vs them”.

My point remains that I simply worry about you guys putting too much stock in different results rather than in HOW TO GET different results. I’m not worried about WMs or AFs who only date WMs getting hurt, I’m worried about you guys not positively contributing to improving your own situation. I’m worried about you guys getting hurt, or rather, hurting yourselves by demanding others simply change to be on your side rather than winning people over to your side, or changing the nature of the game (fighting emasculating media stereotypes for example). Respect has to be earned, not demanded. Some AMs would do better to make themselves worthy of respect (or work towards changing what society influences individuals to respect) rather than pinning their hopes and self-esteem on AFs openly declaring abstinence from WMs. You’re putting power into the hands of AFs when you need to take power into your own hands.

Yes, I understand validation. I’m very empathetic to these things. I totally understand somekoreanchick serves as validation for many AMs. I understand. I don’t begrudge some AMs that, but I don’t think my exhortation that they keep things in perspective to be wrong either.

The thing with heeroyuy111 is that he’s not just saying its wrong for AFs to be racist against AMs. That’s what somekoreanchick is saying, not him. He has instead forcefully made it clear that Christine’s relationship offends him. We have to draw a line between making a reasonable point and being an unreasonable spiteful person. You feel Christine isn’t enough validation, but is it really reasonable to attack her for not validating you enough?

Don’t you think that’s ridiculous? Self-entitled much? Heeroyuy111 is literally attacking Christine for not making him feel better. Come on…

You seem to be much more reasonable than he is, and I don’t think anyone is denouncing him for any reasonable points he invokes, but we are denouncing him for his unreasonable points. Can you show us where anyone is denouncing him for a reasonable point. I think we’re all pretty clear that his attitude towards Christine is overreaching.

Anon2

Hi Ms. Tan,

Sorry, in no way did I mean to belittle or turn on you–I have no right to do that, especially cause I am anonymous. Instead, I admire you–you’re really brave. I learnt from your post. Thanks, and keep it up

Christine

No, no, you never did those things. I meant the other guy.

Let’s just have a good night’s rest! I need to leave these comments for good, I’ve been on here most of my Sunday :)

Thank you for the perspectives!

heeroyuy111

Anon,

Excuse me, but I never “demanded” anything as you suggested. Who is doing the selective reading now? In fact, I couldn’t help but notice that you used the word “demand” three times in your last response. Nobody is demanding anything. I am aware that people have the freedom to choose to date whoever they want to. But by the same token, I also have the freedom of speech to criticize who they choose to date. I want to have a discussion about the intricacies of interracial issues, and if you don’t like it, you are free to leave anytime. No one is chaining you in front of a computer and forcing you to read what I say.

Why is your self-identity tied to oversimplified notions of racial or ethnic purity?

Please, don’t try to guilt us by implying that anyone who embraces their ethnic identity and culture are suddenly Nazis. Nor is it “oversimplified” as you suggest- there is nothing simple about a persons identity. We are people who are passionate about who we are and want to see the Chinese (and Asian) diaspora prosper, and this simply does not happen when you see an exorbitant number of Asian females choosing to be with white men.

Speaking from personal experience, when I was growing up I knew a number of mixed Asian children. Naturally, almost all of them were the product of a White father and Asian mother. Some of them looked Asian, some didn’t; but one thing they all had in common was that they all had a white last name. Now, I don’t need to tell you how much of a impact your name can have on your sense of identity. When you have a last name like “Carlton” or “Johnson”, most people are going to assume you are white in someway or form. Moreover, a lot of these mixed kids I knew sometimes would desperately try to hide the fact that they had any Asian blood. I knew a girl who was half white, half Chinese and when people asked her what her ethnicity was, she would say “I’m white, but my mom is Chinese.” Oh, stupid! Wouldn’t that mean make YOU Chinese as well too? It was sheer madness.

This goes back to what I was saying about actions. An Asian female dating and marrying an Asian male is an action, and it means being able to share a similar cultural bond, a shared ancestral language, an Asian family name, and being able to pass these traits onto your children.

The reason why I am angry is that Asian females who understand the systematic stereotyping and racism that goes on in the media should be the first and foremost candidates who would avoid dating white males, but sadly, this is quite the opposite.

And I know you probably won’t believe me, but yes, I work especially hard to reverse the noxious stereotypical notions of Asian males. Allow me to share a example. I recently met a lovely young white woman, whom I had the chance to have dinner with. I was visiting her hometown on a recent business trip and met her through several acquaintances. We hit it off rather well, and had many wonderful conversations discussing our educational backgrounds, hobbies, and social interests. She expressed to me her interest in traveling overseas to China for a year to teach English, although she has never traveled outside the country before. Sensing an opportunity, I explained to her the cultural customs of Chinese people, and places that she could visit while she is there. I gave her an overall positive view of China (and certainly Chinese men) and I also gave her Chinese audio lessons so that she could practice speaking Mandarin. I should mention that we were in a city with a small Asian population, and the sight of an Asian man being in the company of a white woman was a spectacle to behold to the other patrons in the restaurant. In the end, she was very gracious for the time we spent together and I am still in contact with her to this day.

By the way, let me ask you this hypothetical question: do you think Rosa Parks would have gathered nearly as much support and sympathy as she did during the civil rights movement if she was dating a white man at the time?

I’m not really sure that I understand the point of your last question, but I would like to answer it, anyway.

The American civil rights movement of the 1960s, of which Rosa Parks was an important figure, sought to overturn discriminatory customs and legislation that existed, primarily as a legacy of Jim Crow and slavery, in the American souther states. Of these, the most important were laws related to voting, equal opportunity in education, and miscegenation (the right to co-habitate and marry someone of another race). In fact, miscegenation was widly unpopular in the United States in the 1950s, with one poll showing as many as 90% of Americans opposing it. But, regardless of its unpopularity, prominent civil rights activists and lawyers worked relentlessly to overturn the laws supporting it – IN CONCERT with their efforts to secure equal opportunity under the law in voting and – in the case of Rosa Parks – using public facilities. Thus, it is no accident that the landmark Voting Rights Act of 1965 – perhaps the greatest legislative accomplishment of the Civil Rights movement – was followed in 1967 by Loving v. Virgina, a unanimous Supreme Court decision that rendered anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional. And that was followed, in 1968, by another Civil Rights act.

No, Rosa Parks was not married to a white man. But contrary to your suggestion, the Civil Rights movement was STRONGLY connected to the movement to legalize inter-racial relationships – despite the fact that most Americans disapproved of them.

Which is just another way of saying, heeroyuy111, that you should know what the hell you’re talking about before commenting on a blog.

TAKE5

I’ll answer the question. Yes! Had Rosa Parks been dating a white man she would have grander support and sympathy from Blacks and Whites that were supporting her at the time.

I have a question for you, do you think Asian Americans would or did support Rosa Parks actions?

Alan888

I am glad that heeroyuy111 brought up Rosa Parks and the American civil rights movement because his arguments against mixed race marriages are some of the same ones that the white, racist segregationists made in the American South during the mid-20th century. In fact, if you replace Caucasian for Asia in his comments deriding mixed race marriages, he sounds no different than a George Wallace, a Lister Hill, or any of the other old racists who dominated the American South years ago.

To me, that’s really sad, especially because many of the anti-miscegenation laws applied to Asians as well as blacks and other American minorities. Those laws were racist, and, I’m sorry to say, so is somebody who would use segregationist arguments against mixed marriages. I understand why some Asian men are uncomfortable with AW/WM relationships, but I think we need to be honest here and recognize that many of the arguments they make are, like heeroyuy111’s, the product of bigotry pure and simple.

Christine

I read this comment with an open mind until I got to the “hypothetical question” which the commenter must have written in a state of frenzy, thus not realizing that it hurts his own arguments.

Yes, Rosa Parks would have gathered just as much if not MORE support and sympathy if she had been with a white man at the time. A black woman dating a white man — isn’t this what the Civil Rights movement was fighting for, among other things? The freedom to date whoever you wish? @Adam Minter has laid it out in his comments.

Also, Rosa Parks was of mixed blood herself. Some of her family members were so light they were mistaken for white. So should this “tainted by white blood” woman have been barred from fighting for the rights of African-Americans? Just like this commenter has criticized me for being supportive of Asian men because I am not dating one? It’s particularly cruel, like saying, “if you’re not sleeping with us, you’re not 100% for us, so get out!” I WILL support Asian men dammit, my friends, my brother, my cousins, and the men I once had romantic feelings for.

People actually fought to intermarry once. And now that some types of interracial pairings outnumber others, some people think that those combos should be extinguished? That there must be a “quota” on interracial relationship combinations? This commenter has also previously declared that he will fight the endemic white male-Asian female pairing, in all its shapes and forms; I take it this includes fighting against even those that are respectful, loving, and not based on demeaning Asian men. What good is that going to do for Asian men? All you’re going to accomplish is the destruction of many genuine relationships and the breeding of even more hostility.

I have never attacked Asian men, spread no hate, and yet this commenter chooses to turn on people like me, out of nothing but automatic discrimination. I am a supporter and yet you’ve set out to turn me into an enemy. Thankfully you didn’t succeed — I will remember that you don’t represent all Asian men. After all, there are Asian men who can fight for their cause without being extremists, and without belittling people who have openly cheered for them.

TAKE5

All Asian men are not caught up with the insecurity of AW/WM. I have a few chinese friends that could care less, one has the hots for white wemon…no insecurity with him.

heeroyuy111

You are incorrect. It’s not likely Rosa Parks would have garnered much support. A black woman who is trying to fight white oppression, white racism and discrimination, while simultaneously sleeping with a white man would have been viewed as a hypocrite. Take for instance Muhammed Ali. He was a very famous and iconic black man who rose to prominence during the 1960’s and would often speak out against interracial marriages. You can watch a clip of him talking about it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWwXYMGtBIA

If you watch the entire clip, you’ll see that he says that he has nothing against white people- he just wants black people to stay black. This view was predominately strong, and is an example of why a white man with a black woman would not have been entirely favorable by the black community.

Tell me, why is it okay for Jewish males to denounce intermarriage for the sake of cultural preservation, while Asian men who do the same get dismissed as being extremist or hateful? This is clearly a double standard.

Christine

Regarding Rosa Parks, why don’t we all stop guessing and rewriting history. The fact we can cling to is that the Civil Rights movement involved ending all legal restrictions to marriage based on race.

What is actually significant about those anti-intermarriage links from heeroyuy111 is:

1) The booing and other sounds of unease from the crowd during Ali’s speech.
2) The mixed feelings in the comments to the Rabbi’s “brazen article,” with many commenters expressing shame, outrage and disgust at the Rabbi’s words.

There is no double standard. There are people who find both Ali and the Rabbi extremist and hateful as well.

Individuals can say and write whatever they want, but what is more telling are the reactions people have to them.

I think we should stop arguing with heeroyuy111. He has made it clear he is like the Rabbi against interracial relationships and intermarriage. Of course, that also means that he has to be against Asian men pairing up with non-Asian women, to preserve his own argument — being against intermarriage also includes being against his own brothers marrying out. He is entitled to that opinion, as the Rabbi was entitled to write his, and we should accept that’s just what he thinks, and be glad the rest of us still have the right to mix and marry who we want.

In the end, it’s alright. There are many people who are deeply uneasy about intermarriage, but would never seek to put a ban on them again.

Patrick

Asian men are not singled out for these behaviors as being racist, and neither are white people. The reasons they are dismissed as being extremist and hateful is they breed your kind of attitude – that it’s ok to judge others by their race. It’s not.

Nazism will come up simply because Hitler was famous for this as well. He just wanted to “preserve the race”. Is it your opinion that he went to far? You can have your feelings it’s true. You can make your arguments and back them up with whatever you want, but here are some real facts. I DO NOT – nor does ANYONE ELSE have to justify our relationships to you. Your only significance is the hate we have to deal with from ignorant people.

You can join the hoards of those ignorant people with their unfounded assumptions about what peoples relationships are and wether they are valid or not. It will not affect me. I will not concern myself with you or your kind when I spend time with MY wife – intimate or otherwise. When someone of your kind makes a nasty remark I either ignore them or confront them as I see fit. In one case his hospitalization was extensive. When I have children (again) I will try to explain to them why someone hates them because they are mixed, and show them there are better ways of dealing with anger than blame.

If you consider the false veneer of educated logic a substitute for reality you can continue it. Some people will inevitably fall for it, as mankind has progressed though they fall for it less and less. The extreme cases you see of racial preservation these days happen in the most backward and poor places in the world. I’m sure that will continue and the outward (and hopefully inward) biases that some such as you carry will be buried as nothing more than an embarrassing fact from the past.

Tell me would you disown your own daughter for this? Reject her feelings and place your rhetoric above your relationship with her? Is hate REALLY worth that?

TAKE5

Poor Mrs. Rosa Parks is in a conversation that should not involve her. The facts are she was not married to a white man. But other Black women at that time with successful relationships and families to show for it. But here is my main point about your hypothetical on Rosa Parks. It would not have mattered because her fight was for a civlil right. When your fighting for a civi right, an issue like racial injustice adds to your cause , it highlights the injustices.

anon

heeroyuy111, I feel you’re “demanding”. That’s my interpretation of your tone. I don’t think it is selective reading but merely how you come across to me.

Please don’t try to “guilt” me with the freedom of speech bullshit. If I weren’t interested in discussing “the intricacies of interracial issues”, I wouldn’t be here posting my comments and reactions, would I?

I never said someone who embraces their ethnic identity and culture are suddenly Nazis but good poisoning the well attempt there. I did, however, question why Anon2 felt he had to only date Chinese girls and why he explicitly tied his self-identity to only dating Chinese girls. I DO think he’s tying his identity to, yes, “oversimplified notions of racial or ethnic purity.” I say it is oversimplified because I’m questioning both whether dating a Chinese girl will really reinforce his ethnic identity and whether that sort of reinforcing ethnic identity is really a “good” thing. I understand it is desirable for him, but I want to have a discussion about “the intricacies of interracial issues”, right?

You ever consider that Asian females may choose to be with white men precisely because of white culture prospering? You have it backwards. You suggest Chinese culture (or diaspora) will not prosper until less AFs choose to be with WM. No, that’ll happen WHEN Chinese culture prospers. AFs are often attracted to WM because of the dominance of white culture. Change that dominance and the AFs will follow. Why do so many mainland Chinese women go after Taiwanese or Hong Kong men over mainland Chinese men? Because of perceptions of the societies or cultures these men are associated with.

Again, you have it backwards.

Your anecdotes have emotional appeal to them but they don’t advance your arguments. That girl who said she’s white but with a Chinese mother, yeah, she pisses me off too, but that doesn’t justify your attacks on Christine.

No one questions why you are angry, so please stop trying to prove it. We know you’re angry. We’re questioning and denouncing your ACTIONS.

Why? Because we just aren’t convinced that AFs “who understand the systematic stereotyping and racism that goes on in the media” necessitates them avoiding dating white males. You’re using that as both conclusion and premise. It’s circular reasoning, madness.

Your anecdote about reversing the noxious stereotypical notions of Asian males seems quite limited, not least of all because it is all from your eyes but more importantly, it still doesn’t justify your actions towards Christine.

You really didn’t give much thought to your hypothetical question.

Christine

Thanks. I’m just as pissed off about half-Asians who deny their Asian half. I don’t see why this dude’s bad experiences with some naive hapas entitles him to slam me.

I read his line again:

…Asian females who understand the systematic stereotyping and racism that goes on in the media should be the first and foremost candidates who would avoid dating white males…

An extreme viewpoint with little real world value. It’s like saying, “if you understand systematic stereotyping and racism against one group in the media, you should then turn around and stereotype and be racist to another group.” How about something more rational? Such as “Asian females who understand the systematic stereotyping and racism that goes on in the media should be the first and foremost candidates to speak up against entering relationships for racist reasons.” All white men do not automatically equal white media. All Asian men do not automatically equal controlling patriarchs. An Asian female self-aware enough to notice stereotyping and racism has some intellect to properly judge her own partner.

It’s saddening that he may spend hours trying to reverse the noxious stereotypical notions of Asian males in the real world, but unravels all that hard work with a few angry, careless attacks online. Lots of extreme people read chinaSMACK, but no one here has been stirring up as much ill will as this guy.

heeroyuy111

You ever consider that Asian females may choose to be with white men precisely because of white culture prospering?

And… what? Just because white culture may be prospering, this justifies Asian females clinging to white men at an astronomical rate?

If that’s the case, how do you explain the significantly lower numbers of black and hispanic women in relationships with white men? If anything, you would think that more black and hispanic women would be in relationships with white men because there are more of them in the states. Yet, this is not the case. Therefore, I believe the logic that “white culture prospering” has anything to do with it is a bit shaky.

Besides, wouldn’t you be implying that Asian women are a form of gold diggers in a sense? Now, I don’t believe this is the case at all. But I do agree that all women look for men who are strong-willed, capable people who are successful in their fields of study and are able to provide for their family. Nothing wrong with that. But then again, Asian men in America have proven themselves as very capable people, who are mostly well educated in respectable fields such as engineering, programming, medicine, etc. I also believe they have integrated themselves into “white culture” too, if you will. Most of the other American born Chinese that I knew growing up liked American sports, American food, spoken almost entirely English… and yet, we get this gross disparity.

By the way, just out curiosity, what is your background Anon? I don’t think I caught you saying anything about who you are, and I am just curious to see where you are coming from.

Patrick

There doesn’t “need” to be a justification. People are free to be with whomever they please.

Your ignorance in regard to Jewish intermarriage attitudes – and rates – is stunning. A few facts and figures to consider before you spout off in the future.

1. 47% of the Jews marrying between 1996 and 2001 (best most recent figures) married non-Jews.

2. That means that – as of 2001 – 31% of all Jewish marriages, worldwide, were inter-married.

3. The number of Jewish interfaith marriages is actually higher than the interfaith marriage rate in the US as a whole (27%).

4. The “brazen” rabbi whom you cite in your comment belongs to an extreme right-wing sect of Judaism called ‘chabad lubavitch.’ He is not representative of mainstream Jewish opinion AT ALL.

5. The two lawyers who argued for the plaintiffs in Loving v Virginia – the landmark Supreme Court case overturning American anti-miscegenation laws – were Jews. You can look them up, if you’d like: Bernard S. Cohen and Philip J. Hirschkop. There were additional Jewish lawyers arguing on behalf of the NAACP. Indeed, Jews – especially those who had suffered in the Holocaust – played a key leadership role in the American civil rights movement.

heeroyuy111 – As noted by a commentator above, you really do argue like a white, racist, segregationist from the mid-century southern states. That goes for your ignorant and bigoted suggestions about the Jewish community, as well. Go fuck your (anonymous) self.

I am glad you remembered the Lovings, i had the couples image in my mind but could not get the names. ( Black men envied Mr. Loving because Mrs. Loving was as beautiful as Lena Horne)

One more myth that i would like to bust, not all Asian women are married to or date ultra prospering White men, or Black-men for that matter. Some are marry/date men with average incomes.

heeroyuy111

Boy, this is quite laughable.

Just because Jews have high rates of intermarriage does not mean this is representative of ALL Jewish people, which is clearly what you are implying.

The point I was trying to make (which you clearly do not understand) is that the Jews who are critical of intermarriage generally do not face any sort of sweeping backlash. How do you explain how a whopping half of Israel can be of the opinion that intermarriage is equal to national treason, yet no one bats an eye at that? Imagine if some news blog wrote that half of China was against interracial marriage, I can guarantee you that we would never hear the end of it.

But apparently for you, Mr. Minter, you brazenly assume that all Jews are supportive of intermarriage. This is a very ignorant and anti-Semitic assumption of yours, sir. Good day.

For the record: I’m Jewish. I suppose it’s possible for me to have anti-semitic assumptions, as you imply. But after a careful examination of my biases, well, I doubt it.

And so, once again, I encourage you: know what you are talking about before commenting. You look worse – and more racist – with each post.

Patrick

hey! I sent you an email with a bunch of expo line cutting tips and you never mentioned a single one on your blog… SO many people woulda benefitted mad like if you had been the slightest bit cool. but no, efforts wasted.

all you sorry fucks waited in line at the expo and it’s this guys fault!

anon

heeroyuy111, I didn’t say a prosperous white culture justifies AFs seeking WMs but it IS a sociological explanation for why AFs may seek WMs. People seek to improve their lives, they’re attracted to the strong, the stable, the reliable, whatever and WMs DO benefit from being part of the dominant society and culture of our time. Remember what I said about Taiwanese and Hong Kong men? They’re Asian too, but why do so many mainland Chinese women prefer them over mainland Chinese men? One major reason is because they believe those TW and HK men are from more developed and prosperous societies with all of the potential benefits of such. They’d be “marrying up”. You may not like this but can you deny it?

So when you hinge Asian prosperity on AFs FIRST abstaining from dating WM, you’re getting things backwards. When Asians become the dominant society and culture, thus being able to influence conceptions of desirability in the media and society, not only will AFs flock to AMs, so will many WFs. As humans, we seek what we are socialized to think is “better” or “advantageous”. Many AFs date WMs because of true love or whatever, but if you’re angry about AFs who seek WMs thinking WMs are more desirable, then you need to understand what makes WMs desirable in their eyes if you wish to change that. I’m saying that desirability is tied to white culture being dominant in our world. People are socialized to respect, admire, emulate, and join white culture so long as white culture is the most economically, politically, and socially powerful.

Off the top of my head, I find significantly lower numbers of Hispanic women in relationships with white men to be surprising but maybe you can offer me some sources. From what I know, Hispanic and “whites” have been intermingling for a long time so that doesn’t make sense to me. As for blacks, I hate to say it, but they’ve had the short end of the stick since time immemorial. If there’s anyone who has it “worse” than AMs, its BFs.

The key point you’re missing is how being a member of the dominant race and culture makes you more desirable in the eyes of those in the “minority” race and culture (or more accurately, the non-dominant race and culture). This is no different from being part of the upper-class makes you more desirable to those in a lower class. Same mechanism but applied to a different characteristic. You don’t think Hispanic women or black women are affected by white culture socialization, that many of them are also attracted to WMs? You’re kidding yourself. The question is why, and a big part of that answer is the dominance (prosperity) of white culture.

Is it fair? No, but to the victor goes the spoils. That’s how the winners of history can both rewrite history and fashion the present around them, influencing the world around their ideals and preferences, because they have the power to do so and people are malleable.

Yes, Asian women CAN be gold-diggers. I don’t mind implying that at all because I’m not saying all of them are, but many certainly are just as somekoreanchick believes many are self-loathing bitches who hate their own ethnic and cultural identity. It’s true! Not true for all, but certainly true for some! Ask yourself, who isn’t attracted to bettering their situation? Not everyone will make the right calculations, but they do calculate and some do consider a WM to be superior to an AF just for being white, for being from America or Europe, for being from a country and society that is more advanced, developed, wealthy, civilized, etc. than where they are from. Why did Asians immigrate to America in the first place? Because they saw it as being better than home. Why do some AFs seek WMs? Because they see them as being better than AMs.

How can you be so blind to this?

What you can blame is the substitution of skin color for desirability. That’s racism, pure and simple. But you have to know why. If an AF chooses a WM over an AM when both share (hypothetically) the same individual characteristics, then you have to ask WHY. And you have to then consider external factors, such as socialization and social pressures. Is it because she thinks being with a WM will accord her greater social status? Because she thinks mixed race babies are cuter? Etc.

Also remember that socialization and social pressures can work the other way as well. AF parents may forbid her to be with or marry WMs, so all else being equal, she may end up being with an AM simply out of filial piety to her parents. But the point is, you have to change society and socialization to make substantive changes in the trends of AFs seeking WMs. It won’t be easy, because the prosperity and dominance of white culture has been hundreds of years in the building…but who knows, maybe the US and EU economy will collapse tomorrow and suddenly the only people who have two coppers to rub together are Chinese men. You can bet the WFs will be seeking AMs at that time, and many WMs will be complaining and spewing bile just like you.

Moreover, again I hate to say this, but yes women have certain advantages over men when it comes to mate selection. Let’s not delude ourselves into thinking women don’t trade on their natural assets. It’s certainly easier for AFs to get the WMs they seek if white culture fetishizes AFs making it also desirable for WMs to seek AFs. Black women HATE this because they don’t benefit from the same fetishizing as AFs do because white culture doesn’t accord the same desirability to BFs as they do to AFs. It isn’t fair, it isn’t fair, it isn’t fair, BUT you HAVE TO understand the sociological factor of cultural dominance. White culture will naturally make itself out to be the dominant ideal. Everyone else will be influenced to believe it. Those who can trade into it and want to, very well may. Get used to it. Don’t like it? Usurp dominance and refashion the world in your image.

Patrick

And breath……..

TAKE5

You had me until you until you commented that Black women hate that white culture has fetishizes AF over BF. Kinda of a mouthful to make a blanket statement about a race and gender you know little about…are you black, have you asked a black woman about this?..hahaha Look my man, I am jokingly giving you a hard time.
Truth is you maybe correct. But you must add something else to your thinking and that is, most Black women i know and have asked about being with a white men… say they are afraid of white men, or being with a white man. American Black women are a lot less likely to date outside of their race than a Black man. I have even suggested to some black women that they date outside of their race…broaden their scope and choice…nope! won’t do it. When you see a BW/WM,AM, that is a woman willing to take a risk and who’s motives are hard to question….for a BW to be with a WM…that is love brother.

heeroyuy111

Okay, I will concede that you are valid on many points. There is an undeniable human factor that goes on in the constant struggle for dominance and power, and it boils down to the notion that many people operate on the same psychological and emotional wavelengths. Few people are able to logically separate their emotions from their logical viewpoints; otherwise, the world would be in a less of a mess than it is right now.

Yes, I am aware of how men from Hong Kong and Taiwan are perceived to be more desirable, and no, I don’t agree with this stance. This wasn’t something I was even aware of until I visited Hong Kong for the first time when I was 22 years old, and told me how she had an issue with my last name sounding “too Mainland.” That was certainly an eye opener. Then I began to realize this problem was more widespread than I thought, and more of my friends began to offer similar stories about how people from the Mainland were considered rude, uncultured, etc.

So what can be done? As individuals, you’re pretty limited on how much time and energy you can expend in trying to change peoples minds. However, I am grateful that China’s rise to economic dominance is occurring, and South Korea and Japan continue to lead the trend with technological innovation. I’ve seen real change occur in the past five years, and I am noticing significantly more Asian males in American media, which is exponentially more than what I saw when I was in college. Do I believe a positive change is slowly happening? Absolutely. As for white culture being dominate, America cannot hold onto it’s dominance forever, and if the current economic fiasco in the states is indicative of anything, it’s that empires do not last forever.

The other dark horse is the rise of Korean entertainment spreading to countries outside of Asia. This has been a complete surprise for me, but I am seeing an increasingly large number of non-Asian females who are completely engrossed in Kpop music and Korean dramas. I know several Hispanic ladies who know the names of many famous Korean pop stars, and find Asian men to be very appealing. There was also a Kpop concert held in Paris in which thousands of fans showed up:

A lot of this is happening as media becomes increasingly widespread with video sharing sites growing on the internet, but more importantly, Korea is producing high quality entertainment that is a refreshing, creative alternative to a lot of the unintelligent garbage that comes out of Hollywood, which often tries to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

So going forward, yes, I do know what the game plan should be: being pro-Asian, and especially being pro-Asian male. Create your own media, and start your own companies and place yourself at the top. No one is going to give you a free lunch, and speaking for myself, I intend to continue working hard to create a positive image of Asian males in any situation where I have the opportunity.

anon

TAKE5, I’m saying many BFs do resent that AFs are often more readily accepted and desired by WMs. This is because AFs are indeed often fetishized to a greater and wider degree than BFs are (yellow fever vs. jungle fever).

Black women being afraid of white men or being afraid of being with white men isn’t strange at all, or at odds with what I’m saying. Many times, it is because of insecurity, fear of being rejected by the WM or fear of being rejected by the society that WM is part of. “What if he doesn’t like me?” or “What if his family and friends don’t like me?” In American black-white race relations, this is par for the course for the black side.

Black women, especially in America, are indeed a lot less likely to date outside of their race than a black man but it isn’t for lack of supply (BFs open to dating WM, assuming they don’t automatically think it is impossible that a WM would take a genuine fancy to them) but lack of demand (WM who want to date BFs). Frankly and unfortunately, BFs occupy a very unenviable position on the world racial totem pole. Surely, you’ve run across this notion before? AFs have the “benefit” of being fetishized and “positively” stereotyped in many WMs eyes that BFs aren’t. You don’t think many BFs know this? You don’t think they might resent it a bit? Who doesn’t have a hard time resenting those who compete with us for limited resources?

heeroyuy111, I appreciate you acknowledging my points.

TAKE5

Anon, much of what you said about Black women I can understand however their is more to it than just what you wrote. I never got the impression they had a fear of rejection from a white mans family but just a fear of them..i am talking about the Black women I have known.

I can not get inside a Black woman’s head but, from what i know of them they are not into white guys or other nationalities much. However that has changed some in the last 20 years. It may depend on where you live.

The more i think about it the idea a Black women has a fear of being rejected by a white man family…haha really? wow…i don’t think so my man. Some Black women are pissed when they see a Black man with a white woman, Less angry when they see a Black man with an Asian women, and lessor still with a Latino woman.

I know white men that are into Black girls. Before the the 2nd war the most exotic female a white man saw was a Black woman maybe that has something to do with it.

anon

TAKE5, I can’t say your experiences and understanding of black women matches my own. A plain fear of white men or a white man’s family? There has to be a reason for the fear. In my experience and understanding, it is a fear of not being accepted.

Likewise, I can’t say my experience or understanding corroborates the idea that black women aren’t into white men. Of course there are some who aren’t, just like there are some white men who aren’t into black women, or someone of one race just not attracted to those of some other race. But I’m confident there are black women who are into white men just like women of any other race.

Many black women or even black men in interracial relationships have apprehensions of being accepted by their partner’s family. It isn’t that different from the general fear anyone feels when meeting their partner’s parents or family. Everyone hope their partner’s family likes them and welcome them into their family. The added complication for interracial relationships are all the complications that surround race. Just like Asian parents may not like their daughter being with a foreigner, a white man, a black man, whatever. Or vice versa. Everyone in these situations fears being rejected, and black people are very conscious of white-black racial dynamics and tensions. They’re definitely going to fear being rejected, not accepted, not welcomed by their partner’s family so long as they fear racism or prejudice, overt or subtle.

I think I myself said somewhere here that black women can be possessive of “their” black men. Do you know what’s an often cited reason? That good black men are hard to find as it is, so they don’t take kindly to white women poaching what little pickings they have. Part of it has to do with how they see white society as having the power to have whatever they want, and that’s partly why other minorities taking black men are given slightly more slack, because they see each other more as minority peers than the unequal dynamic between whites and blacks due to a well-known history of slavery and racism.

TAKE5

Anon, “and that’s partly why other minorities taking black men are given slightly more slack,because they see each other more as minority peers than the unequal dynamic between whites and blacks due to a well-known history of slavery and racism.” I could not of said it any better , i agree. It’s a high possibility that is true,. However, Like i said before neither of us are inside the head of black women so we both would do well to respect that fact and add that disclaimer :-)
Well now with that out of the way…. the slavery and racism which include white men raping Black women and killing their men at a time when Black’s had little to zero rights, freedom and let alone power may play on the minds and hearts of some Black women. To be clear, the women that expressed to me they had a fear, mistrust, uncomfortable feeling about dating white men are 35 and up range. Todays generation of BF are more willing to mingle and experiment…i see little to no fear in them.

You have a good point that the acceptance of family of another race may be more intense than meeting a family of your own race. In my experience it was not. I have dated outside my race and did not give much thought to how the girls family may view me…(perhaps i should have…hahaha) Intense is when the girl/woman was of my race but of a higher or different class than my own. I dated a woman from a family of educators, the mother made it clear she did not feel i was good for her daughter. I had a great job, was doing well, but i did not have a masters degree so I was SOL as far as mom was concerned. That relationship lasted less than a year.

interracial dating and marriage is here to stay so men and women of all colors would do well to make adjustments. Its a good chance our sons or daughter will date or even marry a different race or culture. That said, most still marry their own. I was at WalMart this evening and I saw Asian couples, Black couples and White couples. The only mixed couple i saw was me and my wife and a young Black boy with a White girl.

Charles

Concerning the “interracial dating/marrying co-habitation” comment you made about the civil rights movement of the 1960’s, it was only until a white man wanted to marry someone of a different race (in this case a black woman) that this interracial dating/marrying law was made saying it was ok to marry/date & have children with a different person of another race.
There were many famous people that were in this case black males that actually had to move out of the united states with their white female girlfriends in order to get married, simply put it was ONLY until a white man stepped forward with what he wanted that this law was made. I feel that is the main thing with why some asian men dislike seeing white men with asian women, it’s the whole “they run the world & cannot be seen as the type of man that does wrong” kind of thing..

bad frequency

Back in school, I was really angry about this WM/AF ratio issue. Then for some reason the phase passed, like it simply slipped my mind. Then I started having more and more success with non-Asian chicks. Now I date & hookup with non-Asians exclusively.

Maybe the victim mentality chips away at your confidence. Maybe constant anger at the game makes you simply suck at the game. (remember that kid who says “This game sucks!”?) It’s probably subtle, but I bet you holler at fewer girls, take less risk with flirting, and just generally telegraph your beta-male status to the rest of the world every time that issue even crosses your mind.

So pull your tampons out and go flirt with somebody already.

Yaya

Only reason this is an issue to begin with is because of people judging these couples – the social pressure and the weight of people’s eyes is what leads to such discussions.

It’s from this you get ridiculous comments and accusations flying around, like people naturally assuming all white guys are pervs out to screw everything in sight, as in this wonderfully ignorant post: http://answers.echinacities.com/question/4499

I think the best way to counter peoples’ primitive attitudes towards mixed-race relationships is to not be so defensive when said relationship is questioned. Think of how many social elements are tolerated or even normal now that weren’t so normal in the recent past: tattoos, same-sex relationships, beards and casual clothes at work, etc. It always takes some brave pioneers to weather the initial storm, but it’s 2011, and this is far from a new phenomenon. Haters are gonna hate no matter what, but if people would just chill and brush ya shoulders off, it will diminish, slowly but surely. An individual is more than their race.

somerandomasianguy

I think no matter what you do, if you are with a white guy, a lot of asian guys will just not like you. For Asians who have grown up outside of Asia, a lot get racially abused a lot by white guys and so a lot of them see them as some sort of enemy. So the last thing they want is to see an Asian girl to ‘side’ with them because this will be very humiliating for them.

I am an Asian guy and obviously I don’t like this combo of WM/AF and it does make me unhappy when I see them around when I go out (to be honest).

I also asked several of my friends about who they prefer to date. Most Asian Guy’s response were “I prefer to date Asians” Asian Girl’s response were “I don’t mind dating a White Guy”. I think it is here were I get a little upset because from the asian girl’s response it seems the first thing that comes to their mind is ‘they want a white guy’.

Patrick

What you’re saying makes a lot of sense to me, and what I mean is I understand your point of view. But also at the same time your description basically tells me that you understand that you know it’s wrong – all of it. Please don’t take what I have to say as aggression be cause none of this will be.

Ok, some white guys treated you badly so you wouldn’t want me to be with an Asian girl. What if in high school I had been your best buddy? When all of those assholes had pushed you around I was there to help and be a friend, I was on your side. Now, does that mean I would get the privilege of dating asian girls and the rest of the white guys couldn’t? It’s just stupid.

I’m genuinely sorry that some white guys treated you like shit. I just can’t say that it justifies someone disliking me being married to my wife because I’m white and she’s asian. I know the world isn’t color blind, and far from grown up as well. But in looking what you wrote you know that it’s wrong. That’s honest. You know you are angry and that anger is getting transposed to people like me and even more to people like my wife. My wife didn’t choose me because I was white. She discounted me as a possibility before she considered I was white. She didn’t change her mind because I was white. She changed her mind because she felt I was a good person. She wasn’t picking sides, she was picking a partner.

I know not all asian girls do. I know some do go after whites for various reasons. I know the reasons in the states can be the same or different than the reasons in asia. I know on the flip side of the coin that there are plenty of white guys trying to get a new “flavor”. I dislike them just as much as I’m sure you do.

But I know in the end that the real problem isn’t my relationship, my relationship is a good thing. The real problem is the irrational anger. What you wrote had thought and consideration of a problem. I think it’s fair to say you’re still angry about some past stuff. I’m not saying forget about it. I do say work through it. I do ask that you don’t cast the blame to me and others like me.

somerandomasianguy

Your mistaken I don’t hate white guys as i do recognize there are messed up people in each race but what i do not understand is why asian girls like white guy so much because when I asked some of my female friends they always talk about how good white guys are.

I get angry at their comments and get depress when i see the couples together and it really gets to you because you doubt yourself, you feel you are useless and not liked sometimes and the whole world is against you.

TAKE5

Random, you must remember that Patrick and his wife are fortunate. They are a couple that dated and married. Something positive came about from their dating. What your not seeing is the the number of AF/WM relationships that have failed,…. and i mean miserably. Your female friends talk about how good white guys are? Well, they just have not met enough white guys…i am just kidding but i hope you get my point. Don’t waste your time or energy getting down on your self for a distorted/empty reason. For the Asian girls that have a “white male” fetish/obsession, you really need to ask yourself…do I want a woman like that?

It seems you have come a long way on working through your anger on this subject. You will know you are over it when you can see a Asian girl with a White guy and understand it’s their relationship… not yours. They own that relationship and all it’s glory. Step back and let them be.

Patrick

I wasn’t suggesting you hated white guys. But there’s anger there. The reason you can’t understand is there’s nothing to understand. The kind of girls it sounds like you are describing are the kind that will buy a purse just because someone else did. It’s wrong. There are people that like to have a trophy, they sound like this kind of person.

What Take5 says is true – they just have gotten the wrong ones. That being said I have a good friend in America, he’s abc. He’s not the most handsome, he could definitely lose some weight. I’m not tearing him down but despite those setbacks (looks and weight) he manages ok in the female dept. and he mostly dates asian girls. He has one standard that I think is a little too elitist from my point of view – he doesn’t like them FOB.

somerandomasianguy

@Take 5 No I don’t like Asian girls like that however I do feel there are just far too many of them thinking like that and something should be done about it.

@Patrick Yes there are anger there surely if you were treated badly for a long time by white guys but then generally the hate starts to diminish after I got into university as those ‘type of white guys’ are more rarely seen. Also I don’t get why there is nothing to understand because there are too many girls like that or maybe the ones I’ve met but I can’t always be this unlucky don’t you think so?

Patrick

@somerandomasianguy: Yes I get your point on the anger and glad to hear it hasn’t fixed your mindset. The reason there is nothing to understand is there is no logical reason for them to be that way. There’s nothing logical about racism at all.

There is change, although admittedly slow. As some have pointed out in this article there are more asian males in media that portray asian males as desirable. I can’t say I know the answer to the problem, you have a view that is much more in-depth than I will ever understand. Many here have diagnosed the problem so I won’t go there. I wish life were simpler, that people were simpler in a good way. That this wasn’t a reality. My youngest son is adopted. Although I have raised him he is full Chinese by blood. I have to admit I have had my worries. He’s still young, he’s 14, he’s a little slower than the other boys in being interested in the girls. But I worry that when he is that there will be some trouble. He has a habit of internalizing his feelings. He will go back home and live in Austin, TX. and although there’s less racism there than the outlying parts I worry that it will play a part as well. Out of my three children he has been the best. To be honest I wish he had been more trouble, maybe I would worry less if he was more aggressive. The thing is, all his life as a child has been pretty balanced, he’s been counted as liked by nearly everyone. He gets great grades and I think he’s a handsome boy, but then again, I’m dad. But having these worries I can tell you what I worry about the most. I worry that he will continue to internalize those feelings and it will begin to fester, then maybe he will listen to someone else that is angry about it and he will begin to blame. I think it’s a possibility. I dread the next ten years to be honest. He has great potential, and I hope that I can help him achieve it. At some point, slow or not he will want a partner. I won’t be able to help him in getting one (I doubt he’ll want dad to introduce him). I am afraid that the best advice I will have to offer him is to be himself, to try and win the affections of her heart the old-fashioned way. But I have no real understanding of what he will face.

I’ve talked to more than a couple ABC’s here in China and one acted like it was a non-issue for him. The other an aerospace engineer like myself was single – but admittedly super picky.

somerandomasianguy

@Patrick Yes I do notice there are more Asian Guys in films that do not negatively portray Asian Guys. However I think this could be due to the fact that there were a lot of complaints. So I do feel the need to complain.

A lot of people were saying how girls hate guys complaining however I feel if Asian guys don’t complain, hollywood films would just never feature any Asian guys and that this unfair treatment will just go on forever.

Also you said you’ve talked to some ABC in China and its not an issue for them, well I never tell people its an issue in real life and I only complain on the internet. As for your adopted son, well from what happened to me, I never tell my parents how I feel really as I don’t want them to be worried about me. I usually just stay in my room be all depress or just go out and forget about it.

The ABC examples you gave me saying its not an issue for them, well if I knew you in person and you asked me I’ll probably say its not and issue even if we’re like really good friends. However I do complain on the internet because it is an issue for me and its a way to express how I feel without people really knowing me.

Patrick

@random One guy was the one who said it was a non-issue for him. I admit I can’t know his internal thoughts. But he maintained a long term relationship with this girl for a few years – for two long-distance.

The other guy I have seen do it. He gets a girl, she’s really into him and he moves on. Almost each time I’ve gone to a bar with him. One girl was really fun, nice, outgoing, owned her own business, very beautiful and had excellent shape. He felt she was a little too short – she was about 5′ 4″ – no heels. She was 25 he’s about 45.

These are individuals, just as you. It doesn’t represent their whole experience just as it doesn’t represent many peoples experience as a whole. But in neither case they were angry. There’s more I could write about them but it detracts from the point.

ChickIL

there are lots of reasons people date, and it’s not always for love. so i don’t really judge strangers for their dating choices. although i do have to admit that when i see an asian guy with a white girlfriend (there is becoming more common), i think: damn, now i gotta compete with white girls, too?!

jason

Before I came in, I took a quick look at the title, I honestly thought yes you do, and you probably loved doing it.
Then I came in and realised this isn’t about blow jobs.
…….ah..

Patrick

Well I have to admit, it took a lot longer than I thought for someone to come in and say that.

T

Love is blind. At a personal level, everyone is a human being regardless of race. And love does conquer all. Although there are exceptions where money and power is the reason why some asian women are drawn to white man. After all, the whites own this land and more of them have wealth and power. The reason why mixed couple drawn such attention is largely due to the disproportion ratio between WM/AF vs AM/WF. I think most asians are quite aware of the media brainwashing in America. The anger is not about love but more to do with politics. It’s more about how connected you are with your root. If you are more aware of ur race and the history between the East and West. Your selection criteria would be very different. Minority Female is a preferred sex to assimilate in America because they are almost never interested in politics. Love will always be in-conflict with politics.

A vietnamese female friend once mentioned that viet guys are frustrated to why viet women would prefers whites over them. And she was dating a white guy at the time. I’m not vietnamese, so I can be (somewhat) impraial about the issue. But I can understand the vietnamese guys’ feelings. Even after the war led by the Americans which caused so much deaths and destructions in Vietnam; millions of innocent vietnamese lives were lost. It reminds me of the movie “Sleeping with your enemy” with exception that the main character never wakes up from reality. If you look at the big picture, it’s insulting to the country especially the ones that gave their lives for the war.

That’s what people see when they are more aware of politics. Those are your friend, family, and ones that consider you a sister. They question out of concern more than of hatred. Just because the US media encourage the mix race phenomenon, you are easily falling for it. It’s the nature of most female. But at the end of the day, ur friends and family will yield because they see happiness in you. While they continues with their struggles. No one questions about ur love for love is blind and ignorant is bliss. Hopefully the next generation will bring more understanding with different races. But I do have to say, not all minority female act this way. But good luck.

Patrick

So let me get this straight, love is colorblind. Women stupidly fall for the white man (who kills asians, owns most of the world) he’s sly the white man. The white man kills millions of asian men then takes all the women. Strange i don’t personally remember doing that. I asked about it at the monthly secret white mans meeting. They said no that wasn’t the case.

I swear you guys must think no one can see through your stupid back-handed ignorant racist comments. The worst part of this is it generalizes everything and everyone. And scares only idiots “Minority Female is a preferred sex to assimilate in America because they are almost never interested in politics”.

Does it make you feel more secure to hold women as being stupid? Or do you hope that by portraying women who intermix with foreigners as stupid that less will do so? At first I thought you were just heeroyuy111 coming back at a jab for more, but at least he has more respect for the fairer sex.

somerandomasianguy

I think most North Americans never really understand this because their country was never in the war zone but when your country was at war with another country the hatred will be there for a long time. It usually take around 4 generations for people to really forgive.

Examples: I’m Chinese and I have a sister. My parents would never ever approve her in dating a Japanese guy. Similarly I have a friend who is German just married a Polish woman and he told me her grandfather never spoke a word to him.

It’s really hard not to involve politics in relationships.

@T
I don’t think minority females are less interested in politics because I have a friend who was a Vietnamese girl was actually telling other Vietnamese guys her country’s history and she was more aware of it than most Vietnamese guys.

Patrick

I do get it. However, just like I’m not vietnamese, he’s not either. I have had plenty of Vietnamese friends in the past, a few much older than myself. That considered themselves patriot outcasts. In addition, a friend of mine had a daughter that found herself orphaned on the wrong side of the line as a baby. My friend eventually found her and was allowed a short visa to attend her wedding. His description of walking the streets of the former Saigon to be welcoming. The point isn’t the aggressors or the atrocities, this guy doesn’t give two shits about any of that. It’s leading for one purpose don’t do this because…. He starts out saying yeah it’s ok to date, then slowly draws you into a line of thinking that paints the white man bad because.

Ok some more history. How about the Flying Tigers. You know that group of American fighter pilots that aided China and worked together with them to drive the occupying Japanese army out. By that same moronic logic Chinese parents should push their daughters to marry Americans. I don’t advocate that kind of stupidity either.

Patrick

He’s not vietnamese, it’s not that way for him. It has nothing to do with war for him. It’s racism, nothing more and nothing less.

Patrick

He doesn’t care about the war aspect. He only cares about the color. And I understand quite well even though I’m North American.

Peter

I have 3 different blood lines in me, German, Dutch and Indonesian. My wife is Chinese that makes my son have 4 blood lines. I’ve worked for a Japanese company for 25 years and was born and raised in Australia. I have work colleagues from all sorts of ethnic backgrounds.

As far as I’m concerned the age of being loyal to a people, political system, culture, religion or a country is so far out of date its no longer funny. As far as I’m concerned I belong to planet earth and have every right to be here and to choose where I want to live.

My loyalty lies with truth, justice and moral imagination. To me no-one is a refugee. There are simply those with money and the gun that do what they like.

Peter

Though there have already been so many comments here I have to add something:

You wrote: “I’m not against white guys and Asian girls,” said a Chinese male friend. “It’s only when the Asian girl looks down upon her own race and chooses a white guy because she thinks he is superior in terms of looks, culture, money, and if their children continue to think that white is better… then I get frustrated.”

This paragraph demonstrates a very ugly aspect of this discussion. It implies that an individual has to respect there own culture over all other cultures – this is discriminatory – perhaps racist and absurdly limiting. Why is it that only White men can travel the globe and embrace the experience of another culture? EVERY culture has flaws and that includes so-called “Asian” cultures. There are many things I don’t like about my American “culture” (the attitude towards education, for one) but there are also many things I don’t like about “Asian” culture (for example, the culture of bribery that almost completely destroys meritocracy).

If a woman finds that she is unhappy with her own culture and chooses to embrace another – that is her own business and she has ever right to do so!!! The idea of cultural loyalty, that binds you to love a culture that may be full of all kinds of horrible things, is disturbing! Who are you people to pressure others to live according to your idiotic cultural relativism?

I addition, is it OK if white guys say that “Asians” are beautiful, but not OK if Asian women find themselves attracted to “white” guys? People have preferences – that is part of what makes life enjoyable. All this nonsense trying to dig into the motivation behind this attractions, is just that, nonsense!

… and if I hear another idiot talk about the stereotype of the submissive Asian female, I will vomit!

Peter – I have to disagree. I think there is a vast difference between embracing aspects of another culture and looking down on or disrespecting your own race. What I think Christine is talking about (IMHO) here is the Asian female that refuses to date an Asian male, and puts all Asian males down and lauds white males as better than Asian males. There’s no issue with an Asian female who embraces aspects of another culture and happens to find herself attracted to someone from outside of her culture if she’s not out there deriding men from her own culture. I’m a white female who has married an Asian guy, I’ve embraced plenty of aspects of his culture but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with my culture of origin and it certainly doesn’t mean I’d ever express the opinion that white men are terrible people to date.

I do think it is important to respect your own culture as much as any other culture, even if you don’t always agree with it. Disrespect for cultures is the basis for misunderstanding and intolerance.

Maximiliano

I agree with Kath. I myself am Hispanic and do find Asian ladies attractive and went on a couple of dates in the past with them, although I guess my dull personality pretty much caused them to not want to see me again, lol. Although I find Asian women appealing in the romance department, I will never put down Latinas. And actually, most of the women I’ve dated so far have been Hispanic (but there again my personality never ceases to let me down…so I still remain single). I don’t know why but this discussion really fascinates me. I feel bad for the single Asian dudes that have to go through this; this social phenomena in our country does breed hurt feelings when a woman of his background looks upon him as ‘beneath her’ and only dates, more often than not, white guys. It enters the fetish zone. Believe it or not, at least in the surburbs where I reside, the Latino community has been facing a similar trend – from FOB Hispanic females to born and bred American ladies of Latin ancestry – a growing number of them are dismissive of Hispanic guys as dating possibilities and focusing all their romantic attention on white guys. I don’t have any animosity toward white guys – I grew up with them and count on several as close buddies. But.. it does aggravate me a little as a bachelor to know that there are some bright, attractive Latinas who I’d love to date who will shoot me down (not literally) and cheerfully accept a non-Hispanic guy’s offer to go out for dinner, a movie, etc.. – all because, well my surname is pretty Hispanic as are my looks and well, that doesn’t cut it…what??? Shaking head..

Jay

I disagree. I think a person is ugly if they don’t respect their own culture before someone else’s. It doesn’t mean they can’t travel the world and absorb, learn and enjoy cultures from around the world. It also doesn’t mean they can’t date outside of their culture. But to not respect your own culture means not respecting yourself and the environment you were raised in. Being critical and disrespectful are two wholly different attitudes. One is in the name of progress, the other is bordering on ignorance. It’s a fine line, but one that is distinguishable from the other.

Get with it

What bollox. Thats an excuse for not thinking. “I think a person is ugly if they don’t respect their own culture before someone else’s” is a lame ass excuse for petty jingoism, embarrassing nationalism, and putting “upbringing” at a premium over moral values. People who transcend national identies and culture are few and far between, and they are far from ugly.

Daniel

^^ yup to an extent – in a little less-oxfordish tone, a person shouldn’t be judged on their own national pride or what culture they were born into. you are nurtured in an environment yet that doesn’t mean it is your responsibility to oblige or take the call of duty. I find beauty in our global cultural, respecting its different colors and by understanding the strengths and weaknesses outside of my own geographical belonging, I then feel obliged to help cultivate the growth of two cultures into one existential society.

Maximiliano

I’m definitely not a fan of Rupert Murdoch’s wife… read about her in Wikipedia.. wow, talk about awful morals – my analysis is she’s a gold digger through and through.. she even helped (I know it takes two to tango) manage to destroy another guy’s marriage [she totally wrecked Rupert’s first marriage] after staying at his place – she was a guest university student from China and did quite well academically. In both cases, the guys were well-to-do white professionals. She reminds me a little of Les Moonves’ wife, Julie Chen. She had dollar signs in her eyes and well, I guess didn’t consider adultery a bad thing as she destroyed Les’ first marriage, and after he married her, she received her own show to host. And well, we all know Les is not Asian. The gold digging Latina comparison can be applied to Salma Hayek who during a film awards ceremony a couple of years back where she announced the names of the winners, said with some self-hate condescension, “wow, there are so many Mexican winners here”.. (she was probably thinking – how is that possible?). Okay, I’ll stop here.

Jeffli

ok lets look at a same race couple….
he – a multi millionaire well over sixty years old.
she – early thirties maybe even younger.

well….what your first thought? love happiness and harmony?
meh!
the way it has always been money and power attracts… I’d go Homo for 2-4 million dollars a month!

now looking at Murdoch (caucasian) and his woman (asian)
or that 75 year old Beijing professor and his 25 year old student girlfriend, ( both asian)

both women are goldi-dggers. its not about race differentials and so-on, Its about money simple.
see how long “vinegar tits” stays with Murdoch if he wasn’t worth a cent over night. heh!

Jay

“that some of the most disparaging remarks about Asian men come from Asian women themselves”

…and you wonder why so many dudes are pissed. I like this article, it sounds honest. I’ve been trying to explain for years, girl by girl, on why they shouldn’t be so self-hating and why it looks that way to other people. Luckily, with a little bit of reason and cool headedness, most girls will eventually hear the words and not get all emotional and defensive in some girl power kind of way.

Broseph

@ Ms. Tan,
Thank you for your blog on this subject. IMHO I believe that it comes to the person. If you have a criteria for a partener then why would race matter? I know that my fiancee loves me very much. I love her just the same. I leave the poor commentary for the bored, the ignorant, and the racial. I live in the U.S. and currently she lives in mainland China. We get the most odd looks and the many epithets in China. I choose to blame ignorance and boredom for that. Here in the U.S. when we are together we are not givin a second look. I am fortunate to live in a diverse area. Most of my friends are in a simular situation. AF/WM , BM/WF, AM/BF and HM/WF. We get together and have a good time. I am more disappointed with weak-mindedness than I am with incompatibility. In every group and in every race there are people that have selfish or negative motives. Unfortunately, those attitudes sour the situation for the rest of us in a good situation. My parting question is,do we really wish to have the mindset of those in the1800ds or do we wish to progress?

BTW, the ONLY troll I remotely like is the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail; so I am NOT one. Actually, I usually frequent political blogs, but; oh well. I recently made a post on your other blog regarding the same article. This string is presented without my opinion one way or another. Sensitivity is the devil’s advocate for lack of self confidence. Not sayin you have this, sweet 1. Just sayin. I actually slammed many haters on your other blog with purpose driven references, typos, and counter attacks while defending your blog post. I found this post interesting. Well….not the actual post. Just the comment string. Anywho, here it is. And yes, I am a renown underground recording artist when I’m not running FlashKore. And yes I have written MANY MANY songs pushing this type of pairing and smashing others for challenging it. As for Asian guy hostility? I have never gotten it over this nor any. I don’t get it. I Love Asians; especially Asian women (well, actually now just 1: My Gorgeous Chinese/Vietnamese Shangri~Bride;) and Our Babies. I grew up poor so no gold diggin here even when we do become rich here shortly. We built this together. And after media agendas and lies, hell 2 the yeah I am pissed about any of the male types not mentioned on some weird vain ego trip which I LOVE disproving and my resistance and border-line hatred for white girls did not come about until waaay later in Life. My earliest crushes and memories of noticing the opposite sex have always been that of Asian Women. Although, thinking I could never have one (I am 6.3 Irish Sioux Crowe Indian crossed between Michael W Smith and Adrian Paul with a very non partisan hatred of freemasons and equal Love for elegant classical/political hop/hard rock/industrial/alt) Latinas and Ebonys partially filled the bill until I moved to the West Coast. I think ethnic women are beautiful, but Asians are Living Art. Period. No stereotypes. No games. No BS. Straight up. I hate red neck blond white girls but I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Asian Women as they are. No makeup needed. No fetish required. And my deep Beliefs and Faith point to un-canoned apocryphic books to aide my opinion that they are truly the elite Women of the Planet. What I am about goes way beyond a “yellow fever t shirt” or the idiotic lists of assumptions people have. I am extremely method, highly intelligent, very realistic, and extremely knowledgeable in all arts, religions, and histories (i.e. know thy enemy). Here’s the deal: Asians are cool in general. Their culture created society and technologies itself predating even Asia Minor. Even Shaolin Temple is a wonderful testament to how precise art can shape cultures and move mountains. And these mysterious Dragon “Fly” women are not a cartoon nor an object but a Living Fire and Flame that brands beauty and existence within the seen and unseen. In fact, the only cartoons out there are those who do not understand/know or laugh at their full potential and awareness of who and what they are with pride or those who choose to abuse the only true Gold in the world with taking advantage of cultures once forbidden to open to the world. Besides, most Asian Women are NOT gold diggers and they don’t have to be. For, why dig for something you already are?

Daniel

I loved the article, very well written.

In response, my first reaction when seeing a WM/AF relationship is to assume the woman is suffering from some emotional problem or is a prostitute. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I’m just being honest.

I’ve noticed that Asian women who want to date outside their race are generally speaking often: insecure about themselves, were hurt by Asian men – either physically or emotionally, were ashamed about something their race did and wanted to disassociate themselves from being Asian, were raped or emotionally scarred by their fathers or are/were rebelling against overly strict parents. Gross generalizations for sure, but hear me out.

I’ve noticed the exact same things about white women or black women here in Canada. Nobody talks about these women who go after Asian men which I find rather strange. I’m an Asian man and I’ve met many of them and they quite creepy. It’s sad to me because these women who were hurt are searching for happiness based on race. They assume that Asian men are somehow more “respectful, kinder, sensitive, etc, etc.” This is just as false an assumption as any Asian woman who assumes that western men are more “such and such.” It’s practically a racial fetish.

I think it’s wrong to judge these women and the author of this article too. They just want happiness and if they have been hurt, we don’t have any reason to stop them from believing what they want to believe.

That said, I’ve noticed some prevailing facts about Asians and interracial relationships:

1. Usually consists of WM/AF.
2. Usually consists of AF from NA and China. Most Japanese women are interested in foreigners and dating a foreigner but would never marry one. Koreans won’t usually date or marry outside their race. Most South Asians don’t either with the exception of Filipinos who seem closely related to America. The majority of Asian women in NA suffering from an identity crisis also enter into IR relationships. The problem with most IR relationships and the loudest complainers are mostly from America.
3. The majority of Asian men who complain about IR relationships are on the Internet, which makes it seem like most of these men are bitter and angry when most people aren’t. The ones who are happy and have a life don’t spend all their time online. Also the majority of Asians don’t date outside their race, but this fact is often forgotten.

Just my two cents. I’m sure there are people who disagree and would hate me but that’s what I’ve noticed online. It’s mostly Chinese people and especially people from NA (mostly America) that have an issue with IR relationships.

Get with it

“my first reaction when seeing a WM/AF relationship is to assume the woman is suffering from some emotional problem or is a prostitute. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I’m just being honest.”

This is very revealing. You should seriously consider seeing a therapist. You’re not offending anyone, quite the opposite. You’re embarrassing yourself.

TAKE5

“In response, my first reaction when seeing a WM/AF relationship is to assume the woman is suffering from some emotional problem or is a prostitute. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I’m just being honest.”

You don’t mean to offend anyone?..haha of course you do.
Either don’t write it or don’t apologize.

I have always maintain that most people marry their own race, however with the internet more people are meeting and mingling. Chances are very high that your daughter or niece will date outside her race will you consider her a prostitute or basket case? Better check your words my man because they could come back to haunt you.

TAKE5

Wow. I like Asian women, but man you have built them up level no woman can match. Asian women not gold diggers??. They are women not robots. Some women;black, brown, white yellow and red are gold diggers, some are not.

Daniel

Just to clarify, I’m a guy.

I get the feeling “Take5” and “Get With it” are probably trolls or white people who are dating Asian women. I’ve noticed these types are usually very nice in person but extremely insecure and critical online.

I’m simply offering my opinion, isn’t that the whole point of posting on the Internet?

The majority of people I have met in IR relationships are people who have been hurt by their respective races or don’t relate because they don’t fit in. That is why they are a minority. That’s why my first gut reaction when I see an IR couple is that one of them or even both are perhaps emotionally damaged in some way. Who of us isn’t? But entering into a relationship based upon race is wrong because it’s based upon assumptions that aren’t true. If a couple meets and falls in love then all the more power to them, it’s okay. But basing a relationship on race is wrong and can even hurt the other person you are dating/marrying.

I have no clue why you think I’m apologizing or trolling. Sounds like you are the one with a problem with my opinion and hence your insecure need to insult.

Once again kudos to the OP, I liked the article and wish there were more people who entered into IR relationships in a healthy manner.

TAKE5

Ok..what is a troll?…hahaha seriously, what is it? If I knew what it is i could say yep, that’s me.. Take5 the old troll!,,hahaha

“I don’t mean to offend anyone”..is an apology for what is coming next. next in your case was ” if your an female in a IR your prostitute or a nut job’.

Danny Danny Danny…your making this too complicated . You claim when Black or White women come on to you you think they are crazy?..hahaha Sounds like a dating issue my man….but hey date you you want to date Daniel. Nothing wrong with dating your own. A girl likes you and because she is not of your tribe she must be crazy and filled with self hate??? Why would you even be concerned about that? I sure hope you are not a very young man, good luck in your love life.

Get with it

Daniel – where does this juvenile effluent from “The majority of people I have met in IR relationships are people who have been hurt by their respective races” – Right! Because you already pre-judged them for being whores or mentally damaged, or whatever ludicrous judgmental nonsense you came up, and then you investioagetd to determine they were hurt by the races (whatever the heck that means).
Your presumption that its “normal” to date someone “within your race” and requires a reason to date someon outside your race is bogus and reveals your fears. Klu Klux Klan 101.
Thats why I suggested therapy: someone wasn’t being loved or having their needs met between being born and 5 years of age. You can’t turn back the clock but you can ameliorate the damage. Good luck.

Ironic

When an Asian woman dates a white man, she is branded a white-washed traitor by some angry Asian men. Asian women owe their bodies and souls to Asian men.

When an Asian man dates a white woman, he is hailed as a role model by the said angry Asian men, who want nothing more than a white girlfriend/wife to prove their manhood to the world.

Too Ironic

When a white woman dates an Asian man she also suffers A LOT of abuse from angry white men. I know because my girlfriend has been the victim of sexually harassment, and has repeatedly been intimidated by some white guys when they saw us together.

Many white men have a false sense of entitlement, like all the women in the world exist for only them and when they see the other way around they too get very ugly.

Ironic

Just curious. Do Asian women ever harass you for dating a white woman?

Too Ironic

It has happened. I’ve had asian women tell me not to date her right to my face (of course they never say it in engish). I get a lot of dirty stares, especially when they are with their white boyfriends like we are in some kind of sick competition.

But of course there are still a lot of asian women that don’t care either way.

Kenneth

I bet you don’t even have a girlfriend. White guys and Asian girls don’t even care who you romance, you bitter little creature. It must have sucked taking your mama to the prom, while your sister was banging that white guy.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Yes, they do. White men with ASian women are often small-dicked losers, who get extremely angry at the sight of an Asian guy dating a girl he could never attain. Their ugly slut sell-out girlfriends can’t even look the AM in the eye. So pathetic.

Ben

Haha umad bro>?

kyle

Of course he is upset retard. You can’t tell?

Ben

umad to?

kyle

let me guess, you’re a white guy who dates Asian girls? You are a pussy. Your girl only likes you because that’s what the media is pushing. You only like her because you crave the attention and respect. Get some self respect, and go out and pursue girls who YOU actually want.

Eric

Men want to support stereotype that favor them.

Women are competitive in natural. No woman want leftover men

that other women do not want. The stereotype that white men are desirable gives white men advantage.

I am Asian women want white men as long as I get one true love (Asian) is attached to me.

To be honest, I rather have someone who love for who I am that

someone who married me for my skin color, money, status, or etc.

Women are competitive regardless of race. I have quite a

few Asian female friends felt offended knowing I ‘d visited China and found

a girlfriend there. They exact was words was “Why do you need to go China to get a good girlfriend, you have no reason to. Only looser go to third world country for girlfriends.”

People are natural competitive regardless of gender or race.

For those angry Asian men, are you inferior because you allow yourself to be inferior. Women want strong confident and smart men.

Why worry about someone else relationships when you can spend

your time and energy to better yourself and your relationship.

No one want to be around a self hated man.

Stereotype are just rumors and hold no true to it.

For Asian women,

1. If you are in love with a white guy and he loves you. I am happy for you.

2. Bear in mind, before you learn to love someone first you must

learn to love yourself. Think, if you denouncing your heritage or

Asian men is like denouncing your own existence. I despite people

who denouncing their own race whether Asian women against

Asian men or white men against white women.

3. A successful relationship requires work and compromises. The greater the difference in interest and background, the more challenging it is to overcome. Opposite attract, but after the passion is gone and the infatuation period is over, common interests and beliefs that tighten and drive the relationships forward. There are numerous research out there on this matters. Do your homework

to know what are to expect to increase chances of success.

4. Avoid white guys who bad mouthing white girls or Asian men or and other race or person. Kenneth is a good example of such person. Read and analysis his comments.

5. Most guys (all races) want sex and fake anything just to get it (sweet talk,). Never use sex to hold a guy.

For country girls, unlike traditional small town where men are compelled to marry the girl after sex due to family pressures, foreigners (including Asian men aboard like myself) having sex holds no bearing to marriage. In other, never use sex to hold a foreign man.

Eric

Correction “I am Asian women want white men as long as I get one true love (Asian) is attached to me.”

“I am an Asian man and I do not care that most Asian women want white men as long as my wife(Asian) loves me . I do not need a garden of roses, all I need is a single perfect rose (my loving wife)”

Jon

Too Ironic — yes, sad but true. I am a white male, and its really really refreshing to hear from you Asian males who are true to yourselves. Can healthy white and asian men start watching eachother’s backs with racists from our respective races — both male and female????

I pledge to watch for ridiculous steretypes of Asian males and white females who date them; please watch out for stereotypes of white men and asian females who date them.

I know it’s not that simple, and the conversation that Christine has outlined is important to keep talking about. but sheesh, we need to come together.

Entitlement really that is more of an individual issue open your eyes there are men of every color and creed like that

kyle

as she should , she’s contributing to the reduction of white population.

Michael Ejercito

How so?

Michael Ejercito

Perhaps.

It does not take all, a majority, or even a quarter of white men to get very ugly. It only takes one.

Michael Ejercito

How common is this notion?

Billions of people have access to Disqus, so there are bound to be a few thousand crackpots.

randy jackson

interesting article

oneiota

the problem is that you cant really seperate your personal life and the fact that youre part of a larger, political and social history. Its about a loss of culture and neocolonialism esp in the case of asian female white male. If you research into asian white dating history it only happened after the 50s military war brides aka Full Metal Jacket type colonial style relations. You cant escape that connotation and majority of af/wm relationships have that subversive element. Better to marry asian.

Danielle

My dad is White and my mom is Asian. It sickens me that many reduce the love they had for each other for some kind of “fetish”. And also,When a White man falls in love with an Asian girl, people think he’s weird. People have to open their minds and realize we’re all red on the inside. Love is love. Regardless of race. P.S. All races have the equal potential to be attractive/ unattractive. Of course. Especially because every culture has different opinions on it. I personally don’t find white men attractive, and that’s my choice. But people need to wake up.

Jonathan Shay

Sure, we may all be human beings, but we are also tribal and a group-oriented species. It’s natural.

Liberals who think we’re all human beings only need to look at the most mixed, multi-cultural, multi-racial places on the planet.

How are they doing? I’m sure those Israelis and Palestinians are one happy family and that race riots never happen in Los Angeles.

disqus_5lcNQavSis

Because they still haven’t matured yet. I’ve noticed that people who focus more on differences rather than similarities having something in common–a very low IQ.

Guest

Fuck IQ, the things that make us conscious and able to feel, love, etc, are in our brain, ad it’s the same for everyone of every race. I’m white and I can’t stand the fact that we are put to some standard, it’s ruining the world, causing wars, and now this article makes me look like some kind of asian fetish man; what if I love someone of a different race? People seriously need to fuck off with their racism and grow up; white standards need to go, pronto. Just don’t kill us when the power shifts, please (or at least me..); I realize the pedestal shit may have pissed others off.. it’s justified.

kyle

I’ve noticed that people who aren’t white or Asian have a very low IQ

Jeff

I have a feeling you are actually an asian guy in disguise or full of shit. You say regardless of race and then go on say I don’t like any white guys…

H

Uhh, have you ever heard of not being sexually attracted to someone? It happens, you know. She might just not be attracted or have any physical chemistry with any white guys. That’s not something you can change or force yourself to do. Try seeing if you can make yourself have sexual attractions to your siblings. That’s how it is.

megaasian

That is absurd! What you say is a complete hogwash. White men are perverted thats why they want an asian womrn, bc they dont want a lose white pussy to fuck. Thats the truth. If whites find asian facial features so attractive why would asian men have the opposite effect from white women? They think asians are ugly with squinty eyes, flat noseand pancake faces. If asian men had big dicks, white bitches would be all over them. So fuck you you halfbreed shit, you will never be accepted into the sovereign asian race.

Matthew Garton

You’re a sick racist shit who deserves more down votes. Also, there is no such thing as “sovereign Asian race”. Asia contains many different countries with different cultures. You sound like you come from a racist northern culture.

M

@megaasian

It’s people like you that make me ashamed of my own race… and why I kind of want to avoid it. If you really think those things, it’s no wonder you are alone and complaining and taking your anger out on others. Loser!

kyle

you’re a looser for avoiding your own race / culture. even though you’re a girl, I’m gonna tell you to man the fuck up. Don’t let the retard media brainwash you.

kyle

Really? It looks to me like he got a lot of upvotes. It seems like he’s basically speaking the truth to me. People can’t handle the truth. Maybe you shouldn’t be so self centered with your opinion. Have you ever heard the concept of the silent majority?

Matthew Garton

Everyone has an opinion. Yours means nothing to me.

Ben

Fuck you.

Crayven

“sovereign asian race” <—LOL
Hey Hitler, take a fuck walk.

dim mak

ITT butthurt virgins

If you weren’t racist then the only thing you see if a man and a woman in love. Anything else is an excuse for prejudice.

And PS: In Korea and Japan, AM/WF couples, albeit few, make up nearly ALL interracial marriages. Should they import some white guys to “balance the scales”? Get a life, kids.

Kenneth

No they don’t, you moron. International marriages between Japanese men/Korean men and women from other Asian countries make up the majority of INTERNATIONAL marriages. Asian women and white men make up the majority of INTERRACIAL marriages. There’s a difference, you worthless tool.

assad

you are an idiot. you obviously never been to Japan/kr. White guy with hto asian girl is way more common then asian guy with hot white chick there. I live in cali and it goes like that here too

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Nope. Your definition of hot = a 2 or 3 in reality. Hot Asian girls usually don’t date white guys, not even the hookers.

francois williams

No Filipinas huh???

TheSpeakerOfTruth

If you wanted to balance the scales, they’d nuke you, carpet bomb you, put you in internment camps, send you to gas chambers, haul you around in chains, run you off your land and herd you into reservations, etc.

You are one aware Asian sister. This article pretty much summarized the AF VS AM rivalry. However, I have to add that there are many self-loathing AM out there as well, it’s just that they don’t get to “show” their self-loathing “lifestyle” and get as much attention among their Asian peer as AF.

After all, I’m a AM myself. We are all products of our generation, and the truth is, after Meiji Restoration, Asian “colonize” themselves with Eurocentric values and standards. That’s why many of us turned out be what we are today.

But very well written article, and I wish there are more AF who are as aware as you are. Keep doing what you are doing.

Props from your Asian bro

Brad

I think the other thing to take into account is the fact that the internet (or neo-Chinatown areas like Southern California) are not indicative of the real world. I grew up on the east coast and no white man there ever wanted to date an asian girl. Asian girls in my area were always viewed as bookworms, or minions of hotter white girls. That whole “exotic” thing was completely non-existent. If you look at the richest and most powerful men in the world (especially with Hollywood actors), they always date white women. Bratt Pitt, George Clooney, Leo DiCaprio, Orlando Bloom, etc. always date hot white chicks exclusively. The only actors I can think of who date Asians are has-beens or freaks (like Woody Allen or Nicolas Cage after he lost his mojo). As a hapa, I’m personally more attracted to white women and other hapas or Latinas.

I’m not saying this to put down Asian women (I’m a half-Korean male), only to offer some perspective. Once I moved to the bay area (CA), I noticed that a lot of Asian women had a very warped perspective of the world. They really believed that they were superior to other races because of how isolated their upbringings were. Many were shocked when they went to Asia for the first time and realized that Asians didn’t consider them attractive (they were considered “too dark,” and had small eyes, etc.). And even more shocked when they visited predominantly Caucasian areas in the US and were not considered “exotic treasures” by the white men there who were too busy chasing after busty blondes.

I guess what I mean to say is that I was somewhat surprised to learn about this whole WM/AM “thing” because where I came from, Asian women were not desired. In fact, the only stereotype about WM/AM was this strange one about gay males dating Asian females before coming out of the closet. My school had 3 separate cases of white men dating asians and then later coming out as being gay. They confessed two reasons for this: 1.) Asian females look more like boys (less shapely, flatter chests, more muscular, etc.) and 2.) They were both outsiders, so they could relate to one another.

Brad

Sorry, I meant WM/AF (not AM)

Kenneth

Your so full of crap, you are a fake white male. White men love Asian women and Asian women love white men. Asian women are far more beautiful than ugly,masculine, manly white women, Only closet gays date white women now a days.You’re just an anrgry, ugly Asian guy responding to yourself through 3 different names.

Josh

hmm at the school I attended nobody was ever interested in Asian women. I heard a lot of guys say that asian women were flat chested and had no ass and that they look like 13 year old girls. The only time I ever hear of this whole AW/WM thing was on the internet or by asian girls themselves although I never see them with a white men.

Asian man and asian women face the same problem today we need to stay strong to overcome these odds

David

I have heard some stories about gay white men dating asian women. And that it was easy for the gay white men to date asian women in order to hide their homosexuality. Not only that the asian women were actually aware of it and only date the guy because he was white. I wonder if more people are ware of this.

TAKE5

This is very strange because it is the first time i ever heard of WGay/AF but it sheds light on a few couples i know where the husband acts straight up gay.

ryan

It all boils down to a simple simple thing-

We are all just people for Christ’s sake..you only live once…do what you prefer and do it honestly and humanely.

You want something, go for it. The people who have a problem with it have a problem with themselves..and they really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

Josh

I’m an asian guy and I could really care less who dates who since I am happily dating a beautiful blonde white women. The only problems I have is people looking down on others because of them dating somebody outside their own ethnicity. Although I do have to say I get some angry looks by some asian women who happen to look down on asian men before. I remember sitting down at a table next to a few asian girls. They were bragging about how they dated white guys and said stuff about asian guys. Then my girlfriend came and sat right next to me I could tell by those asian girls face they were speechless and shocked when they saw me with my girlfriend who was 2 times better looking than those girls. Sadly it wasn’t the first time.

I encourage Asian men out there that their are many women out there that want to date us don’t be afraid. Don;t let anything put you down. I can guarantee you many women are interesting in dating asian guys. If you let things get to you than the ones dragging us down have already won.

TAKE5

Good for you Josh!

Jon

Josh – so true. I always encourage my asian male friends to disregard the stereotypes and — if you happen to be interested in white women — go for it. One of my good friends is a Thai male. He married a gorgeous blond haired white girl. And yeah — who cares about the creepy, racist asian women that criticize you, mate! Be yourself, and go for it. You are an example to all Asian men who feel insecure around white women. I have had terrible creepy experiences with racist asian women also. They are worse than the insecure men sometimes.

Cheers.

Ben

I generally don’t give a shit who dates whom. But as I get older, I am getting really pissed off at Asian American women who absolutely refuse to date anyone other than white men–and there are A LOT of them. There’s a difference between someone who will date white men, and someone who ONLY dates white men. Yeah, I know when you’re born here and grow up around white people, you associate yourself with white culture. That’s normal–for a kid. But when you grow up and deep down inside, you still want to be white–that’s just sad. There’s nothing wrong with being white–if you’re white.

And on the flip side, if you’re a white guy, you meet who you meet and fall in love, and sometimes that person is Asian. I have no problem with that. But there are a bunch of white losers–and I mean A LOT–who are complete failures with women, and think just because they’re white, they can at least get an Asian girl. And they come up with all these rationalizations like, “Oh, I’m really interested in their culture,” or “White women are all ball breakers!” They’ll tell themselves anything but the truth.

David

I’m white and I have never been attracted to an asian women before in my entire life and I know many from where I live. The strange thing is that these women were the easiest to ask out on a date. One of my best friend is a Chinese american and the strange thing is he can not get a date with an asian women in the area and that it was extremely easy for him to ask out a white or latina women who I think are way more attractive than the asian women in the area I live in. The way a lot of these asian women act turns me off.

gtbka

you just havn’t found the one for you, bro. We are all attract to people who are different from us, isn’t? color of our skin is just one of many. :)

David

I already have a gf who is white like me. The asian women in my area try to hard to be accepted by people. My chinese friend happens to be with a nice blonde woman which I am happy for because he deserves somebody better. I never even heard of this whole AW/WM thing until I went to the internet. Not to mention the stereotypes about asian women.

Vic

I’m an asian guy dating a white girl… there are exceptions. I like her just like christine likes her boyfriend, no racial demeaning at all; it was just what I was exposed to.

“…He was a wonderful man who respected me and made me laugh…”
That’s all that matters.
If I see a man with an attractive woman, regardless of age or race, I just think “what a lucky guy.”
I’m 60, not likely to date women under 45 or so, but if I happen to meet a woman (of any race) for whom I feel a mutual respect, that we enjoy our time together, I’ll go for it: race, nationality, religion or age regardless.
We only get a few decades of life. Don’t waste a minute fretting what others think.

William

I just noticed the ads at the top of the page for “mail order” Asian brides. Ironic…

WM

I am a WM, I do like AF, I don’t see anything wrong on prefering to date a specific race. If you said “you prefer dating asian men”, I don’t understand why the WM should feel bad about it? Maybe that guy is just an idiot, me I don’t see any problem there. On the other hand, if you said that you will never date a WM because you hate them for some reason (and apparently you did not say that) it would be normal that they reacted negatively, any race would have, and WM are not different.

I just hope that the world, and not only america, will finaly stop that stereotype shit, stop generelazing, and i hope that racism will disapear one day soon.

But please stop blaming WM for all the trouble in the world! I am American and the vast majority of us are agaisnt racism and I dont think we need lessons from any other country about that. Otherwise, there would not be so many asian living here.

Concerning the way AM feel, I dont think that what you see on holywood is really important for us, personnaly I dont recall ever having judge a AM base on a show! But if it offend you, I understand your action here.

Me I would not pay to much attention to that, WM are many time ridiculized and badly judge also. But anyway, it is your thing I won’t interfer further.

Ct-Sucks!!

I am an euro guy and I wish the asian girls take as many white guys as they can! haha . I went to Cali and no kidding had incredible success there with (white and mexican chicks) Its amazing there. To all the frustrated guys in the east coast don’t waste your time and go to Cali.
Its all demand and supply from “Dating 101” No wonder asian guys are frustrated. Just like the white guys are frustrated in the east coast

Asian Female

I am glad to have found your article and thank you for sharing your thoughts on the AF/WM pairing. According to your article, I am suck because I am one of those for which you have put pictures up of, although not nearly as old… an Asian female dating a Caucasian male 15 years my senior. Furthermore, I admit that I am attracted to the fact that he is more established than me, that he is taller than most Asian guys I know, that he has exotic features (relative to me) like blue eyes, a sharp nose, and dirty blonde hair, and of the prospect that we will have attractive ‘mixed’ children. Most of the things you listed of why women like me suck, I possess.

However, I also adore other factors about my white partner that are not race-related. He is kind and gentle. He is my best friend, my confidant, and I completely trust him. If he were Asian or any other race, I would still marry him. So, now do I still suck?

I faced a fair share of criticism for my relationship and soon to be union. An Asian guy once told me that he doesn’t respect any Asian woman that has gone out with a white man. Another Asian guy said only the ‘left-over’ Asian women go out with white men. Even my aunt told me, Asian men are only attracted to attractive Asian women while White men will date anyone as long as its female no matter how fat or ugly.

Vilify, disrespect, and belittle the Asian woman who dates outside of her race for her own reasons. But on the other hand, isn’t it better to find partner that is not racist, look-centric or youth-centric anyways? And as a side note, those who try to make others feel insecure are often reflecting upon their own insecurities.

I consider myself an introspective person, I have mulled over why I am going to marry this white man. I concede that there are both superficial and legitimate reasons and I conclude that I consider myself a fortunate person.

Rene Donaldson

Why do asian guys get mad – they get the majority of hottest chicks around. Non asian men only get such a small amount of Asian women that it ‘s not even a percentile. Plus if the Asian is Western he has a dual advantage.

Pat

Sweetie. I’m not Asian but I teach English in China. One word. Russians. Hot, leggy, blonde russians. I’ve had more white girls in a year in this country than most people have in a lifetime. Being here is awesome if you like European girls and judgmental people are player haters. Also, young, gay white dudes seem to be able to make the most of an extended vacation.

Stefanie

Hi all – I am a television producer at a NYC daytime talk show. I am looking for people who are in interracial relationships who would like to share their stories. If interested please email me ASAP as this is for October 27th. Thanks so much! TVProducer2012ATyahoo.com

Tim Praxaya

I’m an Asian American man born in the U.S. and I find it hilarious that the Asian Women that put down their own race are really ugly. They have weird round faces and really squinty eyes that have no eye lids. I actually understand why they are self-loathing and don’t blame them for cross breeding out their ugliness.

Jon

Nice creepy post, there mate.

And grrrreat job trashing your fellow human beings just because they date someone who is not just like you. They are “weird” and basically ugly, right mate?

I am a hot white guy, and I have dated plenty of very hot asian women. Some of them were well-known models. They were very unique and intelligent people; I also date plenty of hot white women and black women, too. but they were attracted to me, because I have the looks and the background that they wanted. None of them ever said that they only dated white guys. Which means this: they dated HOT guys who are successful — whether white or asian.

Here’s the truth: whilst there are no doubt cultural preferences for looks of women in general depending on where you are from, the myth that only “ugly” asian women go out with white men is just that: a creepy myth.

I know it is, because I’ve dated hot asian women whilst in Asia. And you know what, we would go to restaurants, and all the racist Asians, male and female, would get literally visibly agitated and give me and my girlfriend bad looks. It bothered me more than it did her, but it was incredibly creepy. I thought they were going to take us out back and lynch us.

so the moral of the story for insecure men of all races is that HOT WOMEN all over the world date HOT GUYS. It’s just the truth. And in my experience, it has little to do with race. Sorry insecure and creepy asian men and women.

Creepy asian racism is alive and well.

Dodo

Hi,
I’m an Italian guy who married a Chinese girl. I always loved Chinese physical traits, and I’m proud our son has also a Chinese appearance (in fact, I wish he had more, let’s see with the next one).
It’s curious how biased people’s judgment on race is, even when it comes to physical appearance. My Italian friends say my son is Chinese, whereas our Chinese friends say “he isn’t Chinese at all” (too long a face, hair not black, too tall, etc.).
But apart from that, I think our relationship is important because it builds a bridge between our two cultures. I think we Westerners can mend a lot of defects by learning from the Chinese (who are generally less individualistic) and vice versa (we have already experienced the dangers of capitalism and consumerism, and can tell them what to avoid, e.g. pollution, etc. ) …
Anyway, thank you for this blog: it’s been a useful reading.

David J

I never really understood the whole exotic thing about asian woman. I find it funny that someone might see an average looking asian woman as being exotic looking. The white guys from where I’m from are more interested in white girls. Never really heard much about this wm/af. Hell I never met a white guy who was even remotely interested in asian woman at all. We used to make fun of asian women back in High School even the asian guys went along with it. I do say the asian guys I knew were the more aggressive types. I guess things are different in other places

They’re not exotic. They’re feminine.
And it’s not just asians, Latin American women have the same thing going on. It’s North American women that have changed over the past 30 or so years. In an attempt to garner the respect they truly do deserve, many have adopted male traits.

To wit, a ‘cute’ Chinese girl who acts masculine will not attract a long line of ‘Yellow Fever’ white boys. Because it was never about race. It was about something more basic and natural than that: male and female energy.

Ghoust

I think that WE all just really need to look really look at whats up.
somebody said that asian men; though it’s unfair just needs to deal with it.
Okay the wway asian men and black women are often left with the short end of the stick (without an even oppurtunity for loving relationships) is something they just have to deal with; the same can be said for you Christine. The Bias agianst you is just like their bias that they have to deal with, it’s just manifested in a diffrent way and you have to deal with it. Eveyone should stop being angry and look at why there are these Bias to begin with. It’s been a long time comming but we all NEED to deal with it and NOT ignore it or just get mad.

Silent observer

Again, why do you super shallow Asian women only limit yourself to two options, white or Asians?

I’m a black American and I dig Asian women. What author, I can’t get any love?

What about Indians, Middle Easterns, Egyptians, Zambians

Geez…you women need to get a clue. So yeah, Asian girls suck.

Vanessa

I’m actually very, very surprised by the popularity of this topic in general and even more surprised by the claims made by other commenters on here about how common WM/AF relationships are. Where I’m from (Northern California), all of the Asian female friends that I have are currently dating or prefer to date Asian guys. That’s saying something because being an Asian female myself, I have quite a lot of fellow Asian friends. Regardless of where they were born–U.S. or somewhere in Asia–they all prefer to date Asian men, if they’re not already currently dating one. One of my friends in high school even expresses the fact that she flat out dislikes white guys and she used to often make fun of them back during our teenage years. So tbh, I knew that AF/WM relationships existed, but I just didn’t think there were that many of them to be made a big deal out of. I actually thought such relationships were rare and only seen on TV or the internet, mainly because no Asian girl I know personally has ever dated a white guy.

Christine

It really does depend on where you are in the world. Most of the readers who tell me they’re surprised by the topic are from Hawaii and certain locations in California.

TAKE5

states with large concentration of chinese like California or hawaii their is no need or desire to date outside of the race. Whereas in a smaller college towns like cleveland or dayton, the chinese populations is not as high so dating a white guy a Korean or Japanese is more likely. Even non Americana born Koreans have better understating of American language and culture so this may be very attractive to a girl that just got here from china.

I’m not in anyway against cross-cultural dating , my boyfriend is Korean born and raised in a Oriented cultural society, you can’t get anymore cross-cultural than that. I’m against socio-economic preference and bias, and preference on the basis of social status. See photos here!

Yoshisaurusrex

Hi Christina, very good article I like the way you write is very methodical and the message you are sending its thought provoking and insightful. I want to chime in with my two cents but free from personal opinion experiences for it will just enrage the trolls. (Before I start I must state the different between gorgeous, pretty, cute, whereas cute still pale in comparisons the other two) I think you have cover all points in your article, but there is another line that Asian women and to some extent even men like say as if it is common knowledge that “Mixed kids are always so cute” and this is by extend an internalized racism and very subtle as if interracial relationship guarantee cute children and that non-mixed kids are left to chances to either be gorgeous, pretty, cute or “ugly”. And because of this “chance” that the kids can be ugly these women rationalized their dating habits for very superficial reasons. However, if the statement mention earlier was truly true then b
y retrospect taking from empirical evidences that gorgeous/pretty people of every races as we all have seen on TV, daily lives, magazine, etc… So therefore if you want a fabulous looking children that is either pretty or gorgeous then it has to be non mixed-race, if the latter statement is true then this statement must also be true. Certainly all real rational people do not feels this way but it offer a counter arguments to such disingenuous statement that try to hide a real bias and latent racism by these superficial people.

Sigh, just that much writing got me tired. But If you ever want to expand your article later on, maybe the fact that Asian are a minorities in this part of the world and these types of dominant mindset about relationships/oppression/injustice just come with the territory which we can all learn from the past especially from Black Americans.

Anyway, thank you Christina for a wonderful article that is educational and encourage a healthy discussion where we all can learn from.

Taz

asians only marry whites for stature and money…they have no love for the white man. They make me sick, but then again maybe your doing all white women a favor because white men who go for asian are pedophile, perves , psychologically damaged or a combination of the above, a good and decent white male does not marry or date asian.

Jon

Yep – more ugly, gross stereotypes of white males. I love it. And we’re all pedophiles. Nice one, mate. That’s particularly evidencing the fact that you are perfectly creepy and racist. And this is great: “decent white males do not marry asian women.”

Good job. Keep up the creepiness.

Taz

not a gross stereotype at all…spend any amount of time with a white male who dates and or marries asian girls…it won’t take long to figure out which one they are !

Observer690

A lot of posts here, especially from the Asiaphile white males, are flat out wrong. Their misguided reasons in their head are the same ego-inflating, arrogant, supremacist reasons why movies like Last Samurai, Avatar, Dances with Wolves etc keep getting made where the white guy has to save the “oppressed” female from her “backwards savage” culture. It’s BS, if it were the case why don’t you see more women from the Middle East or India with white males.

Take a good hard look at a lot of these AF/WM couples. The white male is hardly this alpha male stud. He could be but is rarely good looking, young, or attractive. He’s usually a beta outcast from his country, culture, or society, and goes to Asia or dates Asian women in America because he is tired of being rejected all the time. You can see this plainly on any city sidewalk in Asia or in America.

You can’t blame these guys though. This entire dynamic is driven because Asian women are just so EASY and eager to please, but only specifically for White males (no matter how unattractive the guy is). These Asians are normally Tiger Mother/Girlfriend princesses around other Asians, but they also have self hate and white worship. So many of them wish they had white features; having a half white baby is their dream and they think they look better than Asian babies. They love status. Think about how many crazy Asian mothers are obsessed with their kids going to an ivy school. Think about how many Asian women save months of salary, starving on ramen noodles, to buy European hand bags or purses. Asian women are OBSESSED with prestige and name brands. Dating a white male is the same thing for them – in their brainwashed minds it’s another status thing.
The stereotype of Asian societies being more sexist than Western societies is BS spouted by white males. Go to Asia, you will see most Asian males doing the cooking, cleaning, etc. Almost all movies and TV in Asia are pink, cutesy, and effeminate because the consumer power resides with women, not men. It’s the opposite in America where media is full of sex, violence, and promoting casual relationships which benefits males who dominate the culture and consumer market. Simply due to dating supply and demand among men and women on different continents, Asian women are treated far better than white women are treated in America.

Finally, the penis thing is another funny ego reason conjured up by white males. Studies show there is no statistical difference, with at-most a half inch difference even in the most biased studies. If one wants to talk about physician differences, than one must bring up that white males have hairy backs/bodies, age horribly, notoriously limp peckers even when erect, and also their bodies smell like dried urine after half a day without showering. A lot of this dynamic is driven by white worship and self hatred among Asian women, driven by their obsession for status and prestige. And don’t think it’s a coincidence that all over Asia all the images and commercials glamorize white people. Almost all movies in theaters are Hollywood movies even in Asia.

Jon

Here’s the typical insecure, angry asian male line. All white men are dehumanized into loser animals who are rejects from their own countries. We are all ” Asiaphile white males” and, of course, we are “all wrong.”

DO you not realize that you simply reinforce stereotypes of pissy, insecure asian males when you blab like this, mate? Keep up the good work, because you are doing a better job of reinforcing negative, asian male stereotypes than anyone in Hollywood could ever dream.

Cheers.

Bob Dillon

Your comments are why we often think you are backwards. It comes out of your own mouth….lololol

Mander

As a Asian female, I actually agree with you LOL. While I think (like the other respondents) that you’re being unnecessarily harsh, i have thought alot of the same things you do–Alot of asian women date white men for status/money..and they end up with some REALLY fugly/creepy ones lol.

i love how almost every post and reply on this board is from the same 2-3 angry asian males. if you check the IP in the backend of the site you can see it’s usually the same person

Jack

Yes, there is a bit of a rant here, but let’s not summarily dismiss Observe690’s comments. I strongly believe that we can discuss and analyzed phenomena with pathologizing the behavior or demonizing the individuals. In Boston, MA is it common to see extremely attractive Asian women with moderately to unattractive white men. Speaking of 20, maybe 30-somethings here. I think we can agree that is uncommon for very attractive women to pair with unattractive men, unless there is a compensating factor (usually old WM with lots of money). Put into economic market terms, it seems that AW are willing to pay a “whiteness premium,” that white women will not pay, because, obviously, they are already white. I have discussed this matter with Asian and non-Asian associates. One suggested that Asian women are able to more skillfully apply makeup and, thus an AW who appears to be 7 of 10 in public is really a 5 without the makeup. White women are unable to effect such a transformation. I don’t buy that one. Another theorized that AW strongly prefer early marriage. Only unattractive men are willing to marry early, as the attractive men have many social opportunities. Thus, we are not observing a whiteness premium, but rather a “early marriage premium.” Maybe, but why note date/marry unattractive Asian men? In the U.S. across most races and ethnicities, beautiful women date handsome guys. So why do so many beautiful AW date ugly WM? Apparently, AW are willing to pay more for the same product (unattractive WM) that are WW. In this paradigm beauty is the “currency” which a woman pays to a male suitor. I would hasten to add that the intent here is not to reduce individual human beings are merely one dimensional interchangeable objects which may be “traded” in a marketplace like a share of stock, yet the market paradigm is one of of many was to attempt to understand the behavior.

Are AW willing to pay a “whiteness premium?” If so, is this premium yet another manifestation of “white privilege?”

Nicole

What group of Asiatic are you? (Japanese… Korean… etc)

shades

Thanks for your well thougt out article. Allow me to put in my two cents.

First of all, I don’t believe WM/AF couples are as prevalent as we’re led to believe. White male/Latina couples are more common.

I also think the level of WM/AF attraction is overstated. From what I’ve seen, white guys prefer Latinas. Although Asian girls, in keeping with other minorities, have bought into the white standard of beauty, they don’t go after white guys as much as their reputation suggests. I’ve heard a lot of Asian females say they don’t have any preference or they prefer Asians and even a few who only want Asian guys.

Regarding the list of Asian woman quotes, here are my thoughts:

“I have a cultural/aesthetic preference for white guys.”

I don’t think it’s wrong to have an aesthetic preference for white guys. It’s OK as long as they’re aware that these are just PREFERENCES and don’t represent objective truth. However, I have a problem when they degrade Asian guys in the same manner.

“Asian men have small penises”

To be fair, I’ve only ever heard this from white guys. Women are much less concerned about penis size, at least when they’re looking for a serious relationship.

“Asian men are nerds and geeks and quiet losers.”

On the other hand, there’s a stereotype going that Asian girls are so desperate for white guys, they’ll date any white nerd.

In conclusion, there’s a lot of misconceptions, preconceptions, prejudice, confirmation bias surrounding this issue. I’ve been trolling this subject for a few months now and I can tell you there’s not much intelligence surrounding it. Most people are either coloured by hate or wishful thinking and see what they want to see.

For the record, I’m an Asian woman who’s not interested in white men. I don’t have a problem with WM/AF relationships as long as they’re based on mutual respect. Personally, I don’t understand why my Asian sistas would prefer white guys when there are so many attractive Asian guys around but, hey, to each her own.

yipyap

It is indeed so refreshing and rare to hear an AF dating a white guy, who can also readily admit that many such couples ARE together for the wrong reasons. I agree that no doubt, there are some AF/WM couples who would be together even if they were both purple with yellow stripes…that they are together because of WHO they are….not because of the other’s race.

As I’ve always said however, when you see such large numbers of certain types of inter-racial couples (such as AF/non-asian male) and ‘upwardly mobile’ black men with light-skinned wives, there can be NO denying that a good number of these couples got together BECAUSE of race. If that were not the case we’d see more variety in the inter-racial couples out there.

But at least in the U.S., it’s the same general patterns we are seeing. There is still a dating ‘totem pole’, where certain racial/gender combinations are seen as more desirable than others. And to deny that is to have your head in the sand.

MalaysianChinese

Hi Christina,
I am a Malaysian too!And an Asian guy.
I think your article is a well-balanced one. I myself do not think inter-racial relationship is a good idea because of cultural differences. However, I respect the freedom of choice of individuals and should anyone take this path, it’s entirely up to them.
However, I DO think that most White-Chinese relations are lopsided towards white male and Chinese female rather than the other way round. I don’t have the statistics but from everyday experience(one just have to look at white-Chinese couples in Bangsar or other ‘expat’ areas) it seems that way. And I do think that for a significant number of Chinese ladies, it is a subtle form of racism – alas it’s a form of hatred of one’s own race/ethnicity. I know of a friend who would ONLY date white guys – Chinese guys, by virtue of ethnicity, are immediately rejected as ‘non-boyfriend material’. I would not ‘blame’ any particular ‘group’ for this phenomenon. In fact, Chinese guys, Chinese girls, white guys and perhaps the mass media are culpable for this ‘self-racism’.
Chinese people(i.e. guys and girls) – while not ALL Chinese people have inferiority complex towards the ang moh(whites), I think many do. I was one with such inferiority complex in the past. I have gotten over this and now am at peace with myself. Many Asians, ‘race-worship’ the whites , as a broad-brush generalization. Why is this so? Partly because of history. From the 19th Century till the Present, Westerners(and mostly whites) control the world in terms of political power, science and technology. This causes a huge dent in the ‘self-image’ and the ‘prestige’ of our Asian identity. Whereas, the prestige of being of white race is great till today. As to the ‘psyche’ of this white male-Chinese female ‘tendency’ – well in spite of all the feminism, male is the ‘aggressor’ gender and would be the ‘winner’ in the race viewed as ‘prestigious’. And I think this is the psychology behind many white male-Chinese female relationships. Any Chinese female with this ‘race’worship’ psychology obviously puts being ‘white’ as part of the ‘positive criteria’ for a suitable/better mate than Asian ethnicity. As for the white male, it’s easier for him, because he is already ‘boyfriend’ material JUST because he is ‘white’. The inferiority complex of Chinese guys(and their tendency to be more reserved and less verbose than white guys) also contribute to this phenomenon. Hence, I view this lopsidedness as a ‘racialist-sexual’ phenomenon. Of course, some relationships are not marred by this type of ‘psyche’ but I suspect that a significant number ARE.
I hope my comments are not offensive. I just wanted to share what I think of this phenomenon.

GayAsianMale

I agree with you about many things here you said except for the reasons in Group B of ‘equal relationships’ and ‘respect for both cultures’. I disagree because in this the impact of the relationship between AF and WM it is not so at all. I believe this because the media is not fair in showing this in the media and when relationships like this happen, people automatically assume other things. They think about the asian female conforming to the cultures and traditions of her boyfriend because women (in the US) are portrayed as ‘inferior’ in more ways than one. As for the equal relationship I don’t think that this is an equal because Caucasian people have never had such biases/media portrayals/or a systemic way of thinking oppose them so much as it does to Asian Males. I am no expert on this topic, but there is always this voice that tells me that things like this sort of oppression exists. Through my experiences as a college student and a member of the asian community, I seriously oppose the idea of White male/Asian female interracial couples. In fact, I oppose many white/minority coupling (because I am fine with Asian Female/(black/latino) and/or even Gay asian males/white male coupling. Although the intentions are great in the relationship, the impacts of the relationship are far more seen and acknowledged.

Asian chick

While arrogant white males used to think that women fr all races prefer white males instead of their own type:-

…Just check out those interracial couples, 99% of thouse Asian women dating white males are lower than avg in appearance, having mental problems or she is an escort service hooker.

In western media and movies, Caucasian male director used to portriat Asian men are skiny ugly rats play kungfu and white men are good looking hero, it reflects the fact that white males are feeling jealous and insecure of losing both Asian & white women’s love!

English guy in China

Hey, Asianchick, 99% is a pretty precise statistic, have you done research or did you pull it off the top of your head? Why insult those asian girls who decide to date or marry a white man who have perfectly good and legitimate reasons for doing so, i.e. they are compatible with him? You say that those 99% are probably professional, ugly, or subnormal in intelligence, but frankly your comment doesn’t make you appear too bright to me. Sorry to be critical, but your comment was pretty insensitive.

Asian chick

I know it’s still hard for many Western men to accept this fact.

Simply go check out most of those Asian women who married white men, they’re the abnormal type who obviously couldn’t get a normal partner fr her own race or there must be some other reasons (e.g.visa, money etc.) instead of true love.

If you believe what western media, movies or dating website articles say and used to feel superior as white, then you’re probably an idiot.

Jon

Here’s a fact that may be hard for you to accept, Asian chick. I have lived in Asia a long time, and many of these “gorgeous” asian women I see with Asian men are not that hot to me at all. It’s a cultural difference in what white men sometimes find attractive in contrast to what Asian men find attractive.

So, um, sorry to burst your little bubble of unquestioned superiority, there. You may think you are perfectly gorgeous, and some asian men might, also. But chances are, with your creepy arrogant attitude that only the “lower ones” date white men, you are instantly ugly to me.

You’re probably just unattractive anyway, which would explain your anger. It’s just flat CREEPY how racist you asian women can be sometimes. wow. I love it — “99% of all asian women who go out with white men are Hookers.”

CREEEEPY asian racism coming out right there…..

Bob Dillon

You really are racist against “white” people arent you? So much to the point where you will degeberate your own Asiain sisters who have married one. My wife is smart,classy, sexy and great looking. She is also Asian. You are the only idiot on here. Your ignorance shines through your weak facade.

hey this is probably an angry asian male in disguise haha. you can always tell. and if it’s not..i saw this: in LA I see way more BLACK men with asian women (which is weird cos asian women are so ugly). and who cares if asian women wanna white dude….black and whites dudes epitomize masculinity. asian dudes….well…hahaha

Adely.C.T

In response to the “99% of those Asian women dating white males are lower than avg. in appearance…”, I have actually been searching for reasons for that since I came to America. I think it is because a lot of Americans have quite a different perception on Asian beauties. An above avg. Asian girl to Asia-born Asians may only be a avg. girl to Americans while a below avg. Asian girl often is being seen as beautiful to Americans. Americans seem to like the “oriental” features, while Asia-born Asians see “universal” features as more attractive, perhaps partially because universal features are quite rare on Asians… However, when the “typical-looking” Asians come to America, this small amount of “typ looking” Asians become a rarity. thus interesting.

It is very common that white males love Asian women’s beauty and naturally hate/jealous to good looking Asian males.

This can be seen in western media, web articles(like this website) and films deliberately portriat Asian men are all ugly rats with small things and promote white men.

Asian women in general, who date with western men, are mostly lower than avg in appearance, not because white ppl have different judgement(as many Chinese thk), but because normal or hot Asian women are usually not interested in western men.
Accept it!

perform

asian men dont like white men with asian woman

AsiansWearFur

It’s more common that White men are disgusted by the AM/WF union. And the psychopathic mental state of these White male chauvinists bleed-through all levels of media and historic references. Historically speaking, Asian man dominated the White man and took all their women. Most Central Asian “Eurasian people” are descended from the Asian Male/White Female lineage. Even the academically-inclined White Male Chauvinists greatly suffer this historic ignominy, and thus they regularly take the iconic images of the Asian-Mongoloid A-Males, such as Chinggis Khan, Attila the Hun, Modu Chanyu, etc, and covert their likeness to fit the appearance of an Indo-European/Caucasian male. Now these academically-inclined White male chauvinists continue the practice of race-bending to make themselves feel better about themselves with such media-manipulations as Dragonball Z, The Last Airbender, Pocohontas, etc. White guilt to be concealed with more White Inferiority Complex is tantamount to the foreign policy of Western Hegemony.

As an Asian male who have dated White females, I’ve experienced the disgusting behavior of disaffected White men who obviously are offended by the likes of Paul Kariya, Russell Wong, Apolo Ohno, etc.

mr. wiener

Furry Asian.
Don’t you think you are over analyzing this a bit? Most of us just use a feather during forplay to be a bit kinky. You sound like you’re using the whole chicken :)

AsiansWearFur

Hahaha, what’s this about your alleged foreplay? I’m just telling the Truth about a certain segment of the Human population and their penchant for despotism and Hegemony. Obviously those despots and their supporters are unhappy with me for that.

My furry face works better than a feather, nevertheless I definitely eats the whole chicken ^^

mr. wiener

If you like. Me I take the long view. history is cyclic and today’s cock of the walk is tomorrow’s feather duster. White’s [guys] don’t play nice with the other kids or share their toys, but the yolk will be on them ’cause they’re top cock [fer now]. Betcha the next big rooster [asian guys] will be just as big a barnyard animal.

AsiansWearFur

there’s no over-analyzing as long as it’s logical and reasonable, such as is your last comment.

examining White (male) Chauvinism and the psychology that sustain it and the social/political ramifications should not be condemned or replaced by them or their psychological cohorts with biased commentaries and “journalism” to save (white) face.

dim mak

Aren’t you the same guy who’ve been posting the same copypasta all over the internet about AM/WF offspring for years? Even using the same words and examples

I think you might be the only psychopath here

Here’s hoping you’re a Viet or something and not an actual East Asian. If so, may your daughters bear your half-black grandchildren just so I can have the lulz at your reaction

Ashley

I won’t lie. I find it awkward and somewhat disconcerting when I see Asian women dating white men. It feels like the Asian woman is denying her own race. Its mind-boggling that she can even find common ground between the white male and herself.

I cannot even fathom dating a white man simply because I am not attracted to them. As an Asian woman growing up in a predominantly white society, I never felt attraction until I met Asian men. We just share a lot more common ground. (ie. the way we were raised, our way of thinking, etc.)

But on another note, I hate it when Asian men think it’s awesome to be dating a white woman.

ACTUALLY, for that matter I just hate white-washed Asians. Period.

John Long

Ashley, are you aware of how racist your comments are? Not any one particular line…just the whole thing.

People are all different. Bad and good in every race. Intelligent open-minded (non-racist) people can find their soul-mates in any skin-color. Just because someone of “your” race didn’t end up with someone else from “your” race, you think they are rejecting “your” race. Maybe they just aren’t racist, and simply found their soul-mate. YOur world is dismal shallow little thing. I hope you get over it.

Bob Dillon

Definition of Racism” Making negative comments,assumptions and judgements solely on the colour of one’s skin.
How does it feel to expose yourself to the world on a Forum as a racist?

kyle

Is there any good that comes from the promotion of one race? is it good that there are distinct races, and diversity, or would it be better for the world if there were no races, every population interbred rapidly, producing a standard skin tone and phenotype?

Merohedral

If we all had the same skin tone and phenotype, if we all spoke the same language and had the same religion, there might be less conflicts in the world.

hazel

it’s has already been established by the author that white-washed asians are frowned upon, whether male or female. Nobody is disagreeing with you on that. The important take-home message here is that NOT ALL ASIANS WITH A WHITE PARTNER ARE WHITE-WASHED. gosh, what’s wrong with you man.

Love

I agree. I am an Asian man. I grew up in predominantly white community and attend Cal Poly SLO (also predominantly white). I dated a few white girls in the old day but eventually married to an Asian woman.

Even though, beside the hot sex, I felt like it missing something. Do not get me wrong, they are beautiful and nice girls. And it is not the skin color or hair color either. The girls are very athletic and tan with skin tone similar to Asian.
I could never figure out until I met my wife (AF) when I move to the Bay Area and work.

Now, I am no longer having hot sex that slowly become a routine, but we make passionate love and it grows stronger each day.

funny123

lol you sound awesome. i have the same feeling as well. i just notice alot of asian female who date white man somehow have this fucked up personality to them. not sure how to describe it. same for asian man dating white girl. LOL

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Asian men who shit on Asian women are usually losers.

FinalTruth

White men who shit on White women are losers.

Ben

Losers are losers; there’s winners in every race.

Ben

Racist.

kyle

You speak truth. Now a bunch of douche bag know it all college hippies are going to tell you how wrong you are. I’m sure there are some white / Asian couples that exist because of love and attraction, but too much of it is whitewashed / brainwashed people.

Jon

I am a white guy who has spent a lot of time in Asia as a businessman. I really, really want to thank Christine for her intelligent and sensitive discussion. This is the FIRST time I have heard an Asian parse out the various different threads of the ongoing debate in a really rational and fair way for all sides.

I have dated asian women a lot. I do NOT date only asian women, however. I do NOT have any fetish for anyone — or anything asian. And yet, I have experienced in the past tremendous pain and anger at being labeled as having an “Asian fetish.” I sometimes wondered why I was so angry about this, but that is another story.

I really agree with a lot of the indictments on the white-dominated Hollywood media complex. It has truly not represented Asian men in a fair way. However, I truly think that the “post-colonialist White male sexual superiority” discussion goes way too far. I mean, do some Asians REALLY think that a group of white men are sitting around drinking espresso in Hollywood somewhere and saying, “OK, guys, now how can we continue to marginalize the asian man in our next movie?” Um, no. Here’s the truth: they are motivated by MAKING MONEY. And if the white population is still coming to terms with Asian men in leading, masculine roles, then that is what we need to work on. But to always pull the post-colonialist WM sexual superiority card is old and tiresome.

Having said that, some white guys are just assholes. Some white guys are just trying to get women–of whatever race. So what’s new? There are male assholes in every single race of men on the planet. White men are no different. Neither are Asian men–there are plenty of Asian male assholes, like some Asian men who recklessly accuse me of “fetishising” Asian women. They are despicable. Umm… do you know me? Do you know who I’ve dated? Why don’t you sit down and get to know me before you stereotype me and the women I date? If I date a russian woman, do I have a “russian fetish?” What about a black woman, some of whom have been amazing people — gorgeous and incredibly intelligent. Do I now have a “black fetish?”

The Asian women I have dated, though all different, have been wonderful, intelligent and articulate women–and all very different. I enjoyed them and their uniquenesses a lot. Trust me, there are many asian women I am NOT attracted to, esp. the ones who hit on me one day in the office, and when I brush them off, they pull a “potiphar’s wife” move and turn around and claim that I — of course– have an “asian fetish” and that is why I work in Asia. That’s right: I brushed them off, and they were offended because they had bought into the myth that all white men are “obsessed with Asian women.” I absolutely could not believe it–neither could others in my office.

Then there was the time I was sitting in a cafe, directly across from the table of a white woman and an asian woman. I was particularly attracted to the white woman, and began a conversation, as I am wont to do. About 15 minutes into the conversation, this disgusting asian woman started in about how white woman are all sluts, and she could not believe that I was interested in the white woman over her. Um… excuse me?! We were completely stunned. There was an Asian guy sitting next to her, and he didn’t seem to care at all listening to this horrible racist invective. But some Asians believe it is complete OK for Asians to utterly dehumanize and stereotype white people, while decrying the same thing that happens sometimes toward Asians.

Trust me, this is a two-way street. I was brought up in a household where my father would literally punish us kids when we even told racial jokes about other groups of *white* people (IE, polish jokes, or irish drinking jokes)… he CERTAINLY would not have put up with racial groups of different color. But he is typical of many in my generation: he grew up in the 60s when all races were in the “love movement”. Many Asians do not realize this, and therefore assume that we are all “subconsciously” racist. Of course there are white who are racist. But many of us are NOT. We are not “subconsciously” racist either.

But this brings up another point: some Asian *women* are complete assholes, too. Welcome to the real world of de-stereotyping Asians in Asia: they are ALL individual human beings who all have different personalities, backgrounds and struggles–just like everyone else.

But about Asian men. Since I know some of them very well, let me assure you that not everyone stereotypes you. I am one white guy who does not. Some of you are more studly than any white guy I know, and for that matter, you go out with ANY race of woman that you want. Why? Because you are confident, and therefore brush aside the stereotypes. You are not arrogant either. You just approach life as a strong, confident, Asian man who is fulfilled in his life and career. And guess what? When you have the looks to back it up, ALL women will be hot for you. Really. I have seen it happen so many times. I have one Thai male fried who married a really hot white girl with blond hair and crystal blues. She’s hot for the guy. And it’s great. But why? Because he simply refused to engender the ridiculous stereotypes. My encouragement for Asian men is this: refuse to believe the myths and stereotypes about who you are, but please remember that to be arrogant cancels out anything good that might come of it. Learn how to stop being angry about the stereotypes.

I had to do the same thing in Asia. I walked down the street sometimes, and people would just look at me sometimes like “oh – there’s the hot white bastard who is just hear to steal our money and our women.” It was really painful. And yes – I am a hot guy. I can date ANY race, and more ANY woman. Sometimes I date asian women. But that is ONLY because of the person that she is — which of course includes her being Asian — but it’s much deeper than that. As I said, it’s not like I just go ga-ga over an asian woman just because she is Asian. Obviously, there must be physical and emotional attraction that goes deeper than race, for God’s sake!

But I like that this discussion about race and dating has reached another, really good level with Christine’s rational post. I assure you that I do not care who she is attracted to. As she mentioned, there are plenty of studly, hot asian men everywhere. They date whoever they want. And I cannot think of one single non-Asian friend of mine in Asia who does not really think that way. Of course, yes, there are white asshole dumbasses who perpetuate the stereotypes of asian men (and as pointed out, some asian women do also) but they are quickly becoming the minority because of bloggings like this one.

Peace.

TAKE5

People are people no matter the race. Most people marry and date within there own race, so to be angry and bothered by the few that don’t is a waste of time. Even if they are dating another race because they hate their own is it impacting your race that much? no, just your ego.

It’s certainly a myth that all white guys or Western guys only date ugly asian women. I have two Black friends that have pretty wives, one is Chinese the other Japanese. Both are attractive even by their own cultures standard. But this could happen even if their wives were Black.

Bob Dillon

Yes, there are white asshole dumbasses who promote the steroetype and you just proved you’re one of them by your own words….dumbass.

Bob Dillon

Yes, there are white asshole dumbasses who promote the steroetype and you just proved you’re one of them by your own words….dumbass.

Eightyeightlives

I am grudgingly impressed by your treatment of this topic. I must admit I feel a bit of skepticism well up in the pit of my stomach when I see WM/AF relationships. Then again, my teenage years were spent in the late 90s in Houston, Texas, when it seemed like the proportion of WM/AF: AM/WF relationships were closer to 10:1, and the former pairing was a fad gimmick 9 times out of ten.

I don’t believe there is an inherent obligation for Asians to solely date/marry Asians in order to preserve culture or tradition. To be honest, that way of thinking is obsolete and counterproductive in the 21st century. If you choose to shun people from your community or culture who form a union with an individual from another, it is only natural that they go where they are welcome.

There IS an obligation to acknowledge both the colonialist past of the West in Asia as well as its impact on the present and interracial relationships in the present. Just as importantly, acknowledging the acts of anyone (not just Asian-American females) who uses the Asian-American male myth(s) as an outlet for abuse and discrimination is key. Sadly, you are in the small minority of individuals participating in a WM/AF willing to do so.

Eightyeightlives

*WM/AF relationship

Oops

Kenneth

If anything, the WF/AM fad is slowly dying out.

Sidd

One thing to keep in mind is that Asian women with white men is a highly generational thing. In the college town I live in I would say 85% of the Asian women I see on campus are going out with Asian guys. (I even know of a few Asian women who wouldn’t be caught dead dating a white guy.) The few Asian women/white male couples I do see are almost invariably in their thirties or older. So this is a phenom that seems in large part relegated to old people.

Maybe one of the reasons for this is a shifting cultural climate in this country. The perception that Asian men are sexless and emasculated and Asian women are submissive sex objects is pretty outdated. Take, for instance, the TV program “Lost” (love that show). Here one of the lead romantic couples on the show is an Asian women married to an Asian man. (the Asian man is portrayed as being a hunk, no less.) In the show the Asian woman does cheat on her husband . . . with another Asian man! This would have been unheard of on American television ten years ago.

TAKE5

We have a many colleges in my city with lots of asian students from 18 to 24. i see very few of them with anything other an asian people. The “mixing” i see is Chinese & Taiwan girls with Korean boys. But the older asian women; Korean, Chinese , Japanese will date white and black Americans. But they date and marry Americans in such small numbers I am amazed it’s and issue. The real issue is chinese men feeling threaten by American men because they have not figured out we are all just men. If you have a confidence problem dealing with women it’s on you.

Sidd

Right, forget about the racist culture that a lot of first generation Asians had to grow up in that told them they were less than human and undesirable as men. Forget about the buck tooth, glasses, and “Mr. MaGloo, dong dong dong”, forget that Asians were well taught to hate what they saw in the mirror, that white males were the only men worth having sex with.

Just pull yourselves up by the bootstraps. That’s the spirit.

TAKE5

Sid, I understand your comments. I am thinking about chinese students from china.

Jeff

I’m not interested in Asian women. Stick to your own people.

I didn’t bother to read all of this but I do agree with what I read, about Asian women saying negative things about the men of their own race. I’ve seen writing left behind on forums like this multiple times. An even bigger problem is the White men who do this to White women. This annoys me and must stop, I’m getting sick of reading the bull$hit these losers leave behind on forums like this.

Bob Dillon

We should leave ALL steroe types behind….all of them. Let people chose what they want for whatever “personal” reasons they may have. These types of forums are nothing but flames for fanning the stereotypes and all the bs they represent. Anyone with half a brain understands sterotypes are learned social biasis. Get a freakin education already.

AsiansWearFur

Stereotypes will become obsolete once the White Male Chauvinists in both low places and high places (i.e. US State Department, Board of Education, etc.) stop distorting and revising Asian people’s cultures, history and politics. Asians males have dominated the bulk of ancient-medieval history, and White Male Chauvinists should just let it be; stop morphing Asian-Mongoloid A-Male icons such as Chinggis Khan, Attila the Hun, Modu Chanyu, etc, into the likeness of Caucasian/Indo-European guys. White Male Chauvinist obviously suffers from this historic ignominy, and stealing our Asian history is still not enough for them; White Male Chauvinist’s superiority/inferiority complex even convert modern Asian characters into their own likeness: Dragonball Z, The Last Airbender, Pocohontas, etc., as Asian men and women are constantly invaded by the Body Snatchers of White Pride and Manifest Destiny.

Bob Dillon

You’re sounding more ‘out there” everyday as you wrap your head into someones else’s interpretaion via scientifc hypothesis og what THEY believe is the truth about the “white chauvanist” etc etc. It doesnt mean its true…any of it. Its someone definition of what they think is true and you bought into it hook line dick. Enjoy because for the most part…no one really cares about an indepth “theoretical” perspective on white chauvanism….except really covert racist and angry people looking for evidences for reinforcements to cover for their inferiority complex…(hint hint)

Tom

I married a Chinese woman. We have a boy. Already, my boy said that he was Chinese not white. I told him to ignore other children because they don’t know better. I said that “You are all American” and don’t listen to those who say otherwise.
She is happy with me and I am happy to be with her. Don’t listen to feminist’s screed. They have a belief that doesn’t promote common humanity or even decency.

Tom

Having married a Chinese woman I can say that there is differences between women and men. I like those differences and so does my wife. Ignore feminism and seek what is the good. Faith, country and family, they are permanent values.

Interesting note. I was on a very popular site, and i happen to like Asian women (I’m black male, so we’ve got it BAD). So looking at NUMEROUS profiles of Asian women, it was mind boggling how many of the profiles stipulated that their dating preference is white/caucasian (only). For this site, you can list as many races you like and it would show up as an option to the viewer. No kidding: 99% of the hundreds of Asian women’s profiles had listed as they’re dating preference white/caucasian. I was disappointed.

Chris

You have to remember blacks do have a bad rep in the world. If you got to know them I am sure you could get an asian girlfriend.

Richforever

Well i will agree with you about that but definitely not all are like that, they are so many black serious men achieving thei golds and so on. you would never know only when you get to know them better.

disqus_8PpabVJTB0

Of course black people have a bad reputation, that is because of the media which is controlled by whites!

Sure there are many black guys IN THE STATES that do crap, but it’s noway worse than whites or Latino’s

fact is that most of those losers have self hate and only hurt their own Black people.

Secondly when people say things about black people it is always based on Black Americans, as if there aren’t over 30 different places where Black people reside.

Oh and there are Asian girls with black men, real Black men too, not the ones with self hate and trying to act if there are form a different culture!.

Joe

Actually about 90% of media, banks, and Hollywood are controlled by Jewish people. Not a racist statement, just pointing it out. Whites definitely are not controlling the media. Look into it yourself.

Will Killyou

It’s not the media I assure you, it’s how far too many american blacks act criminal, stupid and entitled. Hence the rioting going on now…

H

I hate to say this, but my parents sat me down a few days ago (I’m 17 and about to become independent) and told me that they would disown me if I married either a black or Indian guy. So yeah. There’s a shit ton of racism from the parents (especially from Chinese and Japanese parents) and sometimes it’s not a girl’s choice. I have had crushes on black guys before but I’ve always known I can’t do anything other than flirt, because of the whole disowning thing.

Toni

Don’t be afraid to date only whom you prefer. Sooner or later your parents will understand that your happiness matters most.

kyle

societal stability has to factor in with happiness.

splooge

huh, thought the koreans were the ones that closed off interracial and the chinese and japanese would be more open?
question, why are they not fans of indians and blacks? Is it the dark complexion or is it their reputation. Because in japan, indians are at least sterotyped to be smart but really ghetto to the chinese.

Take5

Chinese have a reputation for being ghetto in Japan because many Chinese have much in common with Blacks and Whites from the South. They are not bad people it’s just a social condition.

Eric

Fish Dinner,

you sound like a nice guy. If you take time, you should be able to get an Asian girlfriend. It is little more challenge for you because black guys, especially black teenagers are know for trouble makers and crimes.

Juan

interracial relationships between black males and non black females is still a taboo, with asian women is almost impossible, to be honest I’m close to throw the towel with them, good luck for you

No worries mate. I (non-white) dated a Korean girl, who before me, had been dating nothing but black men. In fact, her longest relationship was with a Black American for about four years. – the Habitual Offender

splooge

filipino girls seem to be the only asian girls that have no problem dating black men. Ive heard of some black men marrying japanese and korean women9apperntly the hardest to get)
curious how is a latino,indian or middle eastern mans chance with asian girls?

Ashton

Asians are the most racist people I’ve ever encountered. I’m Black (Bi-racial), I’m an honors student, in the top 5% of my college class, you get the point in that I’m not what is commonly stereotyped.

I’ve never been a victim of such overt racism and prejudice from anyone, Whites, Middle Eastern, Natives, Hispanics, Africans, South Americans, etc. (I live in a very diverse city) like I have from Asian people. Although, my best friend is Korean, but is adopted so his situation isn’t quite the same.

With all that being said Mr. Fish Dinner, don’t be disappointed. It isn’t you who should be disappointed.

disqus_5lcNQavSis

Same here. I’m a Stanford graduate and a professional electrical engineer making a decent living and I have always had problems dating Asian women. The relationships either never lasted or never started because the women I was interested in feared the repercussions of their actions. It’s not just Asians, though–it’s immigrants (Asians, Hispanics, you name it) to this country in general. Their definition of success in this country is, well, being white and everything it entails, whether it’s good OR BAD. Yep, you heard me. Good OR BAD. I’ve seen young, beautiful Asian women dating white men as if they were forced by their parents/family/culture/whatever to do it and they force themselves to be happy with their decision. This is the 21st century. I was under the impression that much has changed since the early days, but I am constantly proven wrong when I witness stuff like this going on. Currently, I’m dating a Mexican/Guatemalan girl and I’m going through the exact same thing. I blame the media. Bleh…

YourHusband

and how many of these women were actually attractive? besides, you seem to be exaggerating. notice how in real life, you never tend to see attractive asian women with white men, since the pretty ones are always with asian men

blahhh

Haha, right.

Plenty of attractive Asian girls are with white/non-Asian men. A lot cannot stand the ‘little emperor’ that your culture tends to create.

YourHusband

right, maybe if you have poor taste in asian women, like many white men do. i mean, it’s actually become a stereotype that the asian women with white men tend to be unattractive. even asian women will admit to this; you can just ask them

Take5

Your Husband, infact there is truth to what you said. 90% of the pretty women that are married I see are with Asian men. The amount of truly attractive Asian women with white or even black men is small. Take a serious look at the women that marry white men, they are average at best and often time plain, then ugly. They my have a slim body , but some of them are just butt assed pig-nosed ugly.But the dumb ass husbands are so proud, in part because they have to be. I know two Black guys who have truly beautiful Asian wives, one from Japan the other from China. And one white guy , who himself is good looking enough to get any woman, has a decent looking wife from China. Another thing I have notices is the Gay thing. How is it out of 15 mixed couples I know, 2 of the Asian women have Gay white husbands. Someone pointed it out in this post long time ago but I just ignored it, But now I think there is some truth to that. Closet gay white guys marrying Asian women. More power to them, but it is kinda odd.

weixiaobao

Wow, any topic like this always gets a bunch of comments.

My 2 cents, as a Chinese guy who grew up in the US on the East coast in a predominantly white school, went to a mostly white college, and now lives in the Bay Area surrounded by people:

Asian guys: I totally get the whole anger about white guys dating Asian women thing. But consider the following random thoughts:

1) I’ve seen white guys date all sorts of Asian girls, from girls who were so gorgeous I had literally no choice but to be upset and just think “dammit I hate that dude”, to girls who looked like run of the mill and average, to girls who were… let’s say.. as plain as a girl can get, and definitely on the.. heavier side… for a girl of any race. I’ve seen white guys dating Asian girls ranging from 9’s and 10’s to -15’s.

I’ve only seen Asian guys dating white girls who are at least a 6. If I see an Asian guy with a white girl, she’s always at least hot enough to make me think “Damn, I’d wanna hit that, without having any alcoholic beverages in me.” I’ve never seen an Asian guy dating a white girl who”s of less attractive than the average white girl I see around. Even here in Silicon Valley, where men way outnumber women, the Asian guys I see are always with white girls who are above average looking. I’ve seen white guys in Silicon Valley dating Asian girls who are.. um… overweight and unattractive. Just yesterday, I met a 6 foot tall, Ivy League educated, socially adept and well dressed white guy who works as a manager at Google. Then I met his girlfriend: a Chinese girl who I think weighed about the same as him (keep in mind, this guy is 6 feet tall, this girl was about 5’3”) and was… less than attractive.

I’m sure I’ve seen white guys with hot Asian girls.. it’s just that I want to point out: I don’t think I have ever (or will ever) meet a tall good looking Asian guy with an Ivy League degree and a prestigious job dating a… disproportionately unattractive girl, regardless of the girl’s race. And yet white guys like that are ok dating an Asian girl who.. really, by all objective measures, was among the most unattractive girls I’ve ever seen.

It is kinda upsetting when I see attractive, smart, put together Asian girls with white guys, which happens on occasion, but really, when I see a white guy with an Asian girl who is just ok, meh… a lotta times it actually seems like the white guy could do MUCH better if he went for a white girl (I mean, I’ve seen white guys with Phd’s in engineering marry Asian waitresses around here.. and I really don’t feel too upset by that… I actually feel like the white dude must have some REALLY shitty self esteem to be doing something like that.. any self respecting smart educated guy should wanna date a girl who’s also intelligent and educated, right?).

2) It’s not like being a white dude is somehow magical or amazing and women just fall at your feet. Think about the nerdy white dudes who frequent comic book conventions, the overweight computer nerds, the short dumb rednecks who are unemployed, or the white guys who make the news here in the US when they go on shooting rampages because they can’t get laid (Google: Charles Sodini). Pretty sure being any sorta Asian dude is WAY better than being any of them.

I’ve known a TON of white guys (mostly techie nerd types) who can’t get laid to save their lives. For the most part, I copied their homeworks all the way through school (I may be Asian, but I was way too into partying and weed back in college to have time to do my homework). These days, I make a mid six figure salary taking jobs from those same white guys, and giving those jobs to Chinese guys in Shanghai and Chengdu. (Sure, it’s a bit fucked up, but when you get down to it… no Chinese guy in Shanghai or Chengdu ever called me a “chink”). When I get in touch with those guys now (usually to ask some advice on some technical stuff I’m working on).. well, quite a few of them are unemployed, and still not getting laid. The funny thing is, back in school, I was sleeping with the cute nerdy white girls who were into indie rock and video games and were “just friends” with these white dudes, while those nerdy ass white dudes were too busy jerking off to Japanese porn.

Just a quick suggestion, from an admittedly nerdy Chinese guy: study CS or engineering in school like a good Asian kid, make friends with a buncha overweight, porn addicted white dude computer nerds, copy their homework (they will ALWAYS let you copy their homework because they think being friends with you will somehow help them get Asian girls), meet their female friends (the nerdy indie rock white girls aren’t the hottest girls on campus, but they’re definitely cute and a TON of fun), and just act.. you. The fact that you’re Asian, and different from those other nerds, immediately gives you an “edge” over them, and add in some other “edgy” hobby or activity (playing guitar in a band, being a semi-stoned skater, being hardcore into surfing or snowboarding) will make you the cool edgy (but still smart) Asian dude those girls CRAVE.

Then, when you graduate, put down “Fluent in Mandarin” right next to your name on your resume, and get paid six figures to outsource those same white guys’ jobs to China. My job pretty much involves identifying engineering teams in China that can do what used to be done in the US, and then “overseeing the completion of the project via overseas teams.” On rare occasions, I feel bad about what I do.. but when I think about all the racist shit Asians and particularly Asian men go through in this country, from the negative media stereotypes to the emasculation to Jason Whitlock posting racist tweets… I think fuck those white guys.. I’ll help send their jobs overseas with a big fucking smile on my face. Making six figures as a 22 year old kid right outta school doesn’t hurt either.

I’m by no means a “player”, and I’m certainly not incredibly good looking (ok, that last part was just my Chinese modesty kicking in). But I still manage to date quite a bit, white girls and Asian girls, and I’ve definitely always gotten more play than the white guys around me, in fact I’m the one who is always sleeping with their friends. When I really think about it, it’s kinda simple: you know how that nerdy white guy in college ends up dating an Asian girl because he joins the Asian club, where his outsiderness and the fact that he does something “cool” like playing guitar or performing shitty spoken word poetry makes him edgy? The same shit works when you’re the Asian guy moving in on a white subculture, whether that subculture is cosplay or film geeks or the computer geek hipsters or the skateboarder kids: your nerdiness turns into edginess, the girls sleep with you, and in some cases, you even end up with a high paying job along the way.

Just some stuff to think about… I’ve been reading stuff on Chinasmack lately, and couldn’t help but comment about my experiences.

Andrew W.

Word UP. There is so much truth in the post above, I don’t know where to begin. It’s like reading Oscar Wilde.

For the record, I’m an Asian-American who grew up in the Bay Area (Ca). I’m separated from my white wife of ten years and deciding between two younger (white) girlfriends.

Peace.

Kenneth

You mean 2 younger white men, since coming out of the closet.

Tom Ross

Christine (probably Anglicized) is a major hypocrite who wants the world to know how she “fell in love” with her white boyfriend so no one can go accusing her of being “just another one of those insecure, self-hating, white men chasing Asian tramps”, when in reality that’s exactly what ‘Christine’ Tan is. I’m a white guy and I can tell you that I’m sick and tired of East Asian women who have no self-respect, behaving like aggressive predators constantly on the hunt for white men. The truth is that these white wannabes dream of being white themselves and long for those so-called ‘white babies’.

Christine Tan is just another shameless Asian who happened to “just fall in love with a white guy”. She believes her nauseating ranting about “falling in love with a guy” makes her different from the millions of other Asian women who share the same fetish for white men.

Yeah right ‘Christine’ why don’t you give us another story in order to justify your lust for white guys.

South-east Asian

I’m South-east Asian, and therefore your “East-Asian women” remark hit a nerve – as was your intention I suppose. Well, be rest assured that with the type of remarks that you had voiced out, and hence giving us a glimpse into that your shallow mind of yours, you would certainly be one white man that no East Asian woman (and hopefully nor any other woman) would want to be aggressively pursuing, let alone have a “fetish” for.
So, no worries and sleep well!

Tim

I’ve noticed this for a long time, and to me it’s very simple. It’s hard for asian men to not have a problem with this until it becomes more “even”. Currently, the WM/AW pairing is about 4 times as common as the AM/WW pairing. Until this is roughly 50/50, simply ignoring race and pretending that it is due to love or whatever natural reasons is phony. Of course, SOME couples truly are together without regard for race, but like I said, until the disparity is not so obvious, it remains obvious and annoying, with the most annoying aspect being that WM and AW are the primary ones pretending the disparity doesn’t exist for obvious reasons.

John

Totally agree with you. It’s an often overlooked detail that isn’t brought up very often or discussed in great detail. Why is the ratio so disproportionate?

Michael Ejercito

How many of these couplings are due to military service?

R.C.

“why I feel bad for the very angry Asian-looking hapa son who hates his white dad and Asian mom”

Their children suck too: just like that Robert John Bardo guy born of White father Asian mother. Sick. On the other hand: Children born to Asian fathers and White mothers are really an inspired and talented bunch: Paul Kariya, Russell Wong, Apolo Ohno, Art China, etc!

leon

You’re racist. Always making excuse for you or the White guy.

AsiansWearFur

It’s called: SAVING FACE.

Saving face is NOT AN ASIAN PHENOMENA; it’s just that Asians are more honest about it, but White chauvinists and their cohorts manipulate the “free media” to save their faces, but in fact, lose more face.

But AF/WM relationships are perfectly fine so as long as there were no “free media” propaganda or mis-education agendas involved with forming such a partnership. But of course that it’s VERY COMMON for AM/WF relationships as well, and there is obviously no propaganda-agenda in these partnerships that are largely mutually-beneficial and respectful partnerships.

Jenna

I’m sorry girl. I’m in a college town where i very frequently see Asian females with Caucasian males. Personally, i don’t find myself stopping and thinking about the girl. It’s always about the guy. I have Asian friends who are great but even i must admit, I’m not one who favors seeing CM with AF. Maybe it’s because i look at my Asian friends and see how kind and gentle they are…then i begin to think what the CM motivations are. I honestly do think at times that the Caucasian male can’t handle a white woman. Regardless, best of luck to you.

Bob Dillon

Just Like some asian women cant handle Asian men?…lol..there are two sides to this interacial relationship issue.

The “Asian” women you get are that and psychopathic. So many stories of ugly Asian women killing and ripping off their loser white boyfriends, or white men murdering their ugly Asian caucwhores.

jjh

Wow what a serious debate here. As an Asian male, I can understand the frustration. Especially for traditional-bred Asian men, who are fed the expectation to marry an Asian girl by their parents. That has drilled into us putting Asian women at the top of the list, or even the only ones on the list. So I say to my brothers, stop putting Asian women on a pedestal! That view is by itself racist which ironically works against you. Asian women are no better or worse than other women. There are a lot of gorgeous white, black and brown fems out there. I am over this racial purity BS. I’ve only got 3 criteria for dating – (1) she is a woman (2) she was always a woman and (3) she will continue to be a woman for the rest of her life

Kenneth

Get over it. You have the best women in the world. Share!

John

According to an article that looked into interracial couples (http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/interracial-marriage-hits-time-high-215600573.html), it shows that 36% of Asian marry outside their race while only 17% of Asian men did. Why is there such a big discrepancy? I mean, really…no females of ANY other group is even close to the 36% interracial stat above, and if they look into it further, I BET 75%+ of these are Asian female/White male. You can call me racist, but just read through some comments on this topic in any forum and you’ll see the discrimination is against the Asian male. Also, for those who feels they’re so enlightened about interracial marriages and the “we are all human beings, there is no difference” spiel, tell that to the people (namely Asian females and White males) with a predisposition to say “I only date White people” or “I only date Asian people”. Those are the people who are really prejudging. I don’t mind interracial dating and finding true love, but the numbers are just too staggeringly lopsided to say these couples are randomly falling in love an more like they’re actively seeking each other out. And when you generalize and exclude an entire group or selectively choose only one group to date, don’t blame others for judging your relationship when you started the prejudice in the first place.

John

*36% of Asian women

TAKE5

Part of that 36% is women that are after a green card and citizenship. Young Asian college students who are impressed with an American guy that speaks english , a language she is trying to learn, and under impressed by an Asian guy that struggles with it. Also Americans boys know the lay of the land, they know their way around town whereas the Asian guy dose not. This could happen in any culture really, the advantage goes to the host culture in this case it’s america.

I have been married to an nice asian girl now for 11 years. She is the only women that married me. I feel fortunate. I am happy with her and I believe she is happy with me.

Jeff

White men should only breed with White women.

fuz

ahhh, funny….but true

I guess Hitler was right then. Blond hair, blue eyed men are the “master race”. Even Asian girls think so.

Jeff

Most White men don’t date Asian women. The ones who do date Asian women do it because they hate White women. They’re cowards and race traitors. They can’t handle an independent White woman so they have to downgrade, they also prefer a woman with the body of a young boy.

AsiansWearFur

“they also prefer a woman with the body of a young boy”

The worst ones are those White guys who are “metro-sexual” (bi-sexual in disguise), and cannot get an independent White woman because the smart White woman, which is MOST of them, see right through them. These rat bastard White men scum-of-mankind aren’t Sinophiles or even emancipated and enlightened Human Beings; they’ll have a variety of complexes including Superiority Complex and racially discriminating ideas, and if you tell them they’re bigots or ignorant or something like that, they’ll say bullshit like “Hey! I’m not a bigot/racist, I’m married to an Asian”.

Bob Dillon

You and Jeff must be doing each other. You both are about as insightful as the guy on the psych ward looking for his medication. You are probably the same dude anyways.
Guys liek you are a dime a dozen. Making your racist remarks to flame people but the educated people on here…they will tell you to get a life, grow some balls and look at what it is that really makes your hatred and racism for whites and Asians so intense.

AsiansWearFur

I dunno who Jeff is. I am my own single contributor to this forum with a one and only identity. Your paranoia emanates from many issues I’m sure, But I’m far more insightful a person than you wish upon me or any Asian women. White male chauvinist propaganda is going down, and you’re understandably in a crisis.

Bob Dillon

Not paranoid brutha.Enlightened.Something you wouldnt know about.
Crisis. Thats news to me.
P.s.
Im black and your still an idiot.

AsiansWearFur

@”Bob Dillon” below

u r paranoid AND epically unenlightened………..

go get yourself an Ebonics coach, but definitely avoid those brainwashed American Uncle Tom’s whom may talk like one, but also whom Malcolm X call House Negroes.

Bob Dillon

Jeff,
You are a moron and mentally unstable with remarks like that.Hahahaha…what a joke. No educated brain would take an idiot like you serious. I am sure you’ll want to site your research based commenst on the study …you know…the one you did on white guys who date Asian women and hate white women. Also the one on the downgrade and the body of young boy preferance. We are waiting! Anything less than that and its only you’re “uneducated opinion”. In case you havent heard opinions are like assholes….everybody’s got one and your’s is really retarded.

mr. wiener

“Prefer a woman with the body of a young boy”….hmm I like any arse that doesn’t look like it needs warning lights and and a reversing alarm if it is backing up. Dung Xiao Ping said :”It doesn’t matter if a cat is black or white, just so long as it catches mice” . Me I say “All pussy is good pussy”. [yes I’m a sexist bastard I’ll admit]

Michael Ejercito

White women outnumber Asian women in America. That might have so etching to do with it.

Jeff

It’s disgusting and highly offensive.

Aini

I quite agree. As an Asian female myself, I find it highly disgusting and offensive as well to see other Asian women downgrade from intelligent, hard-working Asian men to big, pale, hairy ogres that start to put on a few hundred pounds after they hit the age of 20. It’s despicable, especially considering how even white women prefer black men over men of their own race. It’s as if these Asian women are going after white women’s trash. Luckily enough, the vast majority, if not all, of the Asian females I’ve encountered in my life still have their senses straight and would only prefer the better, more competent Asian men.

Bob Dillon

Well written by an ABC man pretending to be an asian woman…so readable. Get a life.

Aini

Oh, thanks! I’m glad you think my English is readable ^^ I don’t mean to brag but my high school teachers and college professors all told me that they enjoyed my essays xD I scored very high on the essay portion of the SATs back in high school as well, to my own surprise xD, it was definitely something my parents were proud of ^^

Oh no, you must have me confused for someone else, lol. I’m not an American-born Chinese (ABC) man, I’m an American-born Vietnamese (ABV) girl. Well, my mom is part Chinese, but I mainly consider myself to be Vietnamese since I don’t know how to speak Chinese :( and I don’t carry a Chinese last name. I am somewhat interested in Chinese culture though, which is why I chose the name “Aini”, which means “love you” in Chinese since I always thought the phrase was cute ^^ That might be why you mistaken me for someone else, since “Aini” is a pretty popular name, lol. And yes, I do hope to learn Chinese one day and hopefully be able to say more than just “Aini”, lol! I’m also interested in learning Japanese too. My boyfriend is Japanese but since he is also born and raised in the U.S., he knows very little Japanese so he can’t teach me much :(

Oh, and you were wondering about my life–um, currently I’m still in college and I’m still deciding whether or not to go on to grad school after graduating, so my life’s future goals are still undecided. But thanks for asking! :)

AsiansWearFur

“Bob Dillon” is a paranoid-schizophrenic, and acts like the one who espouse freedom, democracy and enlightenment, but calls anybody with anti-establishment, anti-mainstream media, anti-status quo and anti-White Hegemony views as “idiots” and/or “angry Asian man”. He’s quite the typical proud, “free American”, and highly DESPOTIC.

trevon

haha listen to all of these angry asian dudes who talk about things that don’t even make sense. i don’t really care about this shitz anyway..’m black and asian women are butt ugly. i came here cos saw the link on someone’s twitta

Joshua

Wow.. Not sure what to say but I will reply to your comment as professionally as possible. I am an American white person. I assure you the only thing that separates myself form the “hard working competent Asian males” you speak of is my skin color.

My family obviously raised here and in the beginning we had almost nothing. At present I am pursuing my masters degree, my family is making 300k+ a year, and I have a job in computer science making a little over 80k/year as my first real job. We have worked extremely hard to get where we are at. I never partied, never smoked, never drank, stayed in school, and the hard work is paying off.

Furthermore, I have a Vietnamese girlfriend born in Vietnam and brought here at the age of 2. I love her more than anything in the world. She has taught me so much and broadened my mind culturally and as a person. And I have done the same for her. We support each other, care for each other, and don’t care what society thinks about our skin colors. Sure the culture is different but the world is hue everybody is different. Why got get a better understanding of how the world works?

It is people like you Aini that stare at us as we walk down the street in the Vietnamese shops she loves me to take her to. It’s people like you to spit at our relationship for what? And something you should already know about Vietnam. Asian men tend to find it acceptable to beat their wives if they do something that doesn’t please them. The Vietnamese wives of the Asian male are expected to take care of male’s mother after he marries and brings her to live with he and his family. Asian males are statistically proven to be controlling and less favorable for female individuality, freedom, right to express opinions and thoughts. If you want to put yourself under this type of control and submit yourself then go for it. Nobody is stopping you, not me, definitely not society.

But don’t spit at other relationships because of skin color. Don’t generalize all white men and say they’re despicable. I could make generalizations about Asian male’s sexual competency being way below par. I could comment on their much smaller penis size. I could comment on their ignorance in buying and selling practices. But I don’t because they can be however they want to be and if he loves a white woman and she makes him happy he should go for it.

What matters in a relationship is the answer to this question, “Does he make her happy.” which presents sub questions in which all of the answers should be correct. A. Does he have tolerance for different cultural views? B. Is he willing to compromise? C. does he love everything about her and receive the same love in return? If all of these are correct, then I could care less what the skin color is and you should be ashamed for the things you say about white men. I’m.. I have never, in my entire life been offended. Not once have I felt like a general statement has offended me. That’s because I have never heard such an ignorant statement from somebody who obviously has no idea what she is talking about. Shame on you.

AsiansWearFur

@ Joshua

it’s true how white guys seem to “know more” about asian penis size than all the women in the world combined. the psychology behind this is in fact not to complex, but white male face saving is very complex, and america and europe lead the world with penis enlargement surgeries performed, but is that really necessary? probably not. don’t transfer white male superiority/inferiority complex onto asian man. yes superiority complex is no different from inferiority complex, because once you find that the ethnicity/people you vilify isn’t what you want to be, or the size that you want them to be, then you crash and burn so low and accuse asians of more garbarge, it’s a vicious cycle !

Bob Dillon

You are no more asian and woman than Jeff is…get a life…you are fooling no one but yourself…

Aini

Oh, I’m not really good at joking =/ Although I try :)

Oh, I discussed my life plans on the last paragraph :)

Aini

And yeah, I’m not really that girly/womanly. I’m sort of a tomboy since I’ve grown up with a bunch of male relatives and hang out with my brother a lot xD

AsiansWearFur

White males in all levels of society from layman to academically-inclined and Hollywood “elite” try very hard to veer opinion and sentiment of the female member’s selection of a male partner to fit the mold of the Caucasian/Jewish male. These White Male Chauvinists adhere to a certain principle that include such ideas like “男人不壞, 女人不愛” and thus you can see the regularity of converting Asian-Mongoloid A-Male icons such as Chinggis Khan, Attila the Hun, Modu Chanyu, etc, morphed into the image of a Caucasian-like male. Indeed the Asian-Mongoloid man dominated the world and the west since ancient times through the Dark Ages, and the White Male Chauvinist obviously suffers from this historic ignominy.

Not to be out done, they even continue wooing women around the world with continued cultural distortions, revisionist history and hip Hollywood-hype; Caucasian chauvinist man think they’re have a sense of euphoria now that they’ve flaunt the likeness of Dragonball Z, The Last Airbender, Pocohontas, etc, in becoming “Caucasianfied”, and on the leading edge of pop-culture/children’s media. Indeed the White Male and Jewish Chauvinist are true organized cult of Body Snatchers deathly afraid of the sexy and smart Asian male, Asian women who prefer Asian men and the alleged “Yellow Peril”, as we also represent Animism, Buddhism, Shamanism, Shintoism, Taoism, etc, which are relatively peaceful religions compared to their Judeo-Christian Fundamentalism which they try to indoctrinate Asian people with in effort to garner more support for their Western Hegemony foreign policies that have hi-jacked American ideals, and continuously substitute White Guilt with the “blame China” game with their Free Media Manipulation.

But I digress. By far most Asian women are more intelligent and even sophisticated than what the White Male Chauvinist like to think, and ultimately will choose the right partner without the influence from the White Male Chauvinist Manipulation of the Media and Board of Education materials.

Bob Dillon

You have serious unresolved “white” fetish issues there bro…lmao

AsiansWearFur

I indeed have had white-fetish as a boy, but after a couple of intimate relations with a woman of Eastern European descent, and later a more serious relationship with an American woman of Irish-Swiss descent, I can say…………. I still have a fetish! OH MY!

Bob Dillon

You obvioulsy can’t read between the lines …..you totally missed what I was insinuating…I dont want to call you an idiot but if you keep making remarks that are totally misintepreting what I am actually saying then if the shoew fits you can wear it.

AsiansWearFur

“if the shoew fits you can wear it”

there’s a saying that goes around the African American community in regards to the White Male Chauvinism and their raping of 10-12-14 year negro slave girls during the slavery era of pre-20th century: “now the shoe’s on the other foot”

But it was a dangerous affair for the Black man entering the 20th century, even in recent times, as many Black men have become beaten or lynched by angry mobs of White guys. White Chauvinist America and their cohorts shouldn’t substitute White Shame with accusations of “AM thinks AF/WM relations suck”. Great people born of AM/WF parents such as Apolo Ohno, Art Chin, Michael Wong, Paul Kariya, Tommy Chong, etc; do we ask if their parents suck?

Kenneth

A few obscure celebrities do not help your case. Most children formed from these unholy unions are the worst of the worst, and their parents hate each other by the time the marriage is over.

dim mak

Something tells me people who get this mad probably wouldn’t feel any better if Asian girls were all going out with black or brown men

In fact these threads can all be summed up in a sentence: Men of any race don’t like foreigners taking their wimmenz, cue excuses, mudslinging etc.

Brotip: for a more Asian world, reproduce with another Asian. Doesn’t matter if you’re male or female. I’ve dated ladies of all sorts and colours, but if it comes to procreation – it’s a Chinese or at least East Asian woman for me

mr. wiener

I want some of what you are smoking and we can kick back and watch “the wizard of Oz” with the sound turned down and “dark side of the moon” turned up. :)

Bob Dillon

What I really like about your comments is when you say…
“I digress”…that says it all. I hear strong themes of the word’white” in all your threads that do more than suggest that you are a “racist”. Pure and simple. Everything I say is responded to negatively and that I am a blah blah blah….I have never implied anything about you’re central theme which as I said is clearly “racist”.

VinceT

I am an asian men who is currently dating a white woman. People can date and marry whoever they want regardless of race. However, I do feel that the US media tends to promote white men and downgrade us asian men. I think in the future stuff like that will change. I am fairly tall and masculine and do not fit the crude stereotype of asian men. It saddens me we are rarely portrayed as such in the US media. We hardly ever get any roles as one of the handsome guys that saves the day. We are portrayed as foreigners, geeks, and the only time an Asian men is an action hero is in a martial arts movie. This could be one of the factors in why so many asian women are with white men. I’m pretty sure there are asian women who see asian men like this. The media can play a big role in such perceptions, but I’m sure many people can look past that.

Asian american women portrayal is not good either in the media. It never has been.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

lmao the idea of white men saving the world is just so laughable if you actually think about it. they are the most egotistical, self-serving, dishonest pieces of shit you can find anywhere.

CallMeNever

To say that mainstream media was the reason why I didn’t marry a Vietnamese American is BS. B/c I grew up watching all those Chinese movies dubbed into Vietnamese… for hours… more than watching English programs. If I couldn’t be a Chinese princess, I wanted to at least be able to fly through the air or make people immobile by hitting the right pressure points. And I definitely fell for the leading men. (My parents owned a video store.)

What really hurt my chances of marrying a VA man is that no one ever asked me out. And I grew up in OC, CA. I went to UCLA. Plenty of every kind of Asian everywhere. And once or twice I would ask out a brother and would be turned down.

Sorry, but my Asian brothers were too interested in other types of Asian ladies. I’m not 5’4″ 110lbs. Nor do I dress well or clean up nicely and apparently not worth drooling over. I am not sure why other ladies date out, but I know there were plenty of Asian men in my life that were not hitting on me.

So thank God for the 3 white dudes, 1 Latino, and 1 Indian (technically Asian, but not included in the group people would prefer me to marry) dude for dating me before I met the white dude that I ended up marrying.

YourHusband

doesn’t change the fact that most white men in real life are ugly/average. asian women are naturally inclined to find masculine, attractive asian men the most desirable; this is partly why the highest quality asian women always go for asian men. the media simply can’t override human nature; and besides, only media only portrays ugly, fobby asian men like that, not the good looking westernized ones, and all women know that.

remember that most asian women aren’t exactly that attractive themselves

Michael Ejercito

A movie, marketed to a white majority country, has a white male action hero.

Imagine that.

Bob Dillon

Me thinks thou dost protest too much….lmao.. You got all that out of being called an idiot??? Your critical ANALysis skills need to be vastly improvedand needs more analysis. Seems like I ‘mirrored” back to you undesirable attitudes that you yourself posess…thus the chiming and banging and rattling of cages…. lmao

Bob Dillon

Nice try at backtracking but NO. You arent suggesting a segement of a population you are suggesting ALL ‘white” males hold this attitude and implying that “white” society media etc continues to harbour these beliefs. I said you were wrong.

Jessica

Okay, there was a time when I really disliked even seeing AF-WM couples. I guess I thought that these men were only in these interracial relationships because they had an asian fetish or “yellow fever.” Whenever an non-asian guy asked me out, I just felt uncomfortable about it because I didn’t want to be a part of (what I thought) was this “yellow fever/asian fetish” whatever trend. (BTW, I’m an asian girl.) Now, I’ve become a little wiser. There are definitely certain individuals out there who have a serious case of yellow fever, but it’s not all WM in these interracial pairings.

Now, I don’t think I have any opinion on interracial couples. Some people are going to be in fantastic loving relationships and some might be in destructive relationships, regardless of whether it is interracial or not. You can’t judge any relationship based solely on the races of the individuals involved. Haters, just stop hating and get on with your lives.

Paul Brown

I’m a white guy who married a Chinese girl (same age as me). I can honestly say that I’ve always been attracted to Asians – that’s just my personal preference. Even the one American girl I went with was half native american, and hence had asian features.
Why is this? I have no idea. I was raised in a typical town, no major biases one way or another. I’m just that way. And so what? I’m happy, she’s happy. Don’t sweat it so much.

lee

Your statement is just retarded so are all other statements by white guys claiming that Asians are just their personal preference. Do you even have half a clue what you are saying? People are not born with a preference for anything they are conditioned into having preferences, especially when it comes to something racial. Research have showed that people are most attacked to the feature that they see most often, in other word the more you see someone the more attracted they are to you. Therefore, being a white person growing up in a white family, from a typical town (which in america is mostly white) it is not possible for you to say that your personal preference is for Asian women or to even have that preference especially when you consider that Asians constitute the smallest racial population in America and that you were born in a typical town. The reason why white guys say Asian are their personal preference is because the White control media overexposure and over-sexualized Asian women as exotic submissive partners to white men as a result this is where your personal preference stems from. This is why white men say they have a personal preference for Asian women. By the way it doesn’t freak matter if your wife or girlfriend is not your stereotypical Asian women, the fact still remains that the reason you find her attracted especially when you first met her is because of your exposure to the oversexualized portrayal of Asian women in the media. What you’re saying is pretty much like saying that someone can be born a racist or hating their own race but that isn’t the case. Truth of the matter is people are conditioned into being racist they aren’t born that way. You weren’t born into the world finding Asian women the most attractive, this is like saying you were born into the world thinking and finding the Asian race to be better and more attractive then your own race which is just plain stupid and not possible considering you were born into a white family which you claim had no bias. In addition, if there was no bias in the way you grew up and what you were exposure to then you should find all races of women to be equally attractive. Your personal preference has to be the result of something, and that something is funny enough what you completely decided to ignore and put off like as if it isn’t important. Simply, put everything you wrote is a complete contradiction, and shows how little you understand about what the term “personal preference” means.

dim mak

That or people just have personal preferences

Even if your theory was true unless you’re somehow exposed to the exact same level of sexiness from all races who wouldn’t end up with preferences?

“That or people just have personal preferences,” seriously dude, just shut up, the more you talk the more retard you sound. Why did you even comment on my comment anyway? If you’re gonna disagree with me then give an explanation don’t just throw some random question out there thinking it means anything. By the way, I didn’t say that people don’t have preferences. In fact my entire argument was that people have preferences and that that is the result of what they are expose to. So what is your point in pretty much just repeating what I just argued? By the way I would deal with it kid, that is if you actually made any sense.

dim mak

>WAAAAAAH PEOPLE SAW RIGHT THROUGH MY TL;DR BUTTHURT

Stay mad son

lee

@dim mak interesting how you cancel the reply so that people can’t comment on your retard reply. By the way in order for me to be mad your comment it would actually have to be offensive, which it isn’t, it was just plain stupid because you didn’t defend your point or even really made a point. In addition, by replying the way you did you just prove your a coward and an idiot by assuming that I was mad and trying to make it so that I can’t defend my point. lmao, nice try kid. Try harder next time. =)

dim mak

>still talking
>still butthurt
>retard
>retard
>retard
>=)

Looks like mad to me

Chill out bro, once the whites are extinct and our xenophilic girls can only bang brownskins, you won’t need that tl;dr “argument” anymore

lee

Yea, dim mak, you’re so brilliant. I’m so mad now! Smoke and fire is literally coming out of my ears. Keep trying! The more your talk the more mad I’ll get. Keep it coming! You’re working miracles here.

Jing

@ Lee, calm down. Paul Brown was just making a personal oppinion on a public website. No need to bash.

I’m more attracted to Asian men while most of my Asian friends are attracted to white guys, everyone has their own personal preference.

lee

I am calm and I am not mad either. I simply found his comment to be stupid, not offensive and I defended my argue as to why I found his comment to be stupid. If I were bashing him then I would just be calling him names and whatnot without explain myself or giving a reason as to why I found his comment to be stupid.

M.L.

Wow. I’ve really lost a lot of respect for Asians after perusing this site. Let’s hope this is a nonrepresentative sample. What a gaggle of whiny, sexually frustrated nerds you are. And you wonder why chicks don’t dig ya? It is to laugh. What a pathetic display of neurosis and paranoia this site is.

It also goes without saying that the bulk of you have forfeited whatever moral authority you imagined yourselves to have to decry white racism; this is one of the most racist webpages I’ve ever seen online.

Let’s see… whites are racist if they date Asians. Whites are racist if they don’t date Asians. Riiiiiiight.

Anyway, if you really want to put an end to White/Asian interracial dating, just promote the crap out of this page; the whites will lose interest in Asians hella quick.

Pathetic.

[PS: Ever notice how these ‘tough defenders of Asian manhood’ generally remain tight lipped and girlie in the real world or in forums they know will be preorominantly non-Asian, yet become all fire and fury in the safely remote recesses of predominantly Asian forums? I guess that’s consistent with having no balls. :) ]

kangshunsho

I worked in the Far East for four years and I can tell you that a major portion of this AF/WM phenomena has to do the apparent depth of racial inferiority complex that most Asians tend to display in their relationships with whites. Asians do not like to ruffle the feathers of white people. I am amazed at the level of hypocrisy coming from Asian guys on this forum when we all know that they too have a long-lasting fetish for white women. In most cases they simply lack enough self-confidence to further their wet dreams.
White men on the other hand seem to be in a hurry to genetically annihitate their own race. They seem to have forgotten that all admixtures with non-whites inevitably breed non-white offsprings. Its racial suicide to believe that they will continue to dominate the world if their numbers plummet dramatically and they become an endangered species. Meanwhile a sizeable number of white females are busy having black babies at an alarming rate.
Asians work very hard in the belief that they could be just like whites – they study hard, memorise and regurgitate a whole bunch of eurocentric data sold to them as ultimate truths. Ironically or perhaps even tragically of all non-white people they seem to have the least understanding of the global dynamics of white supremacy. After Japan recovered from nuclear humiliation at the hands of the whites, the first thing they did was try to be white themselves. Same applies to Vietnam, Phillipines etc.
Whereas most parts of the world remain no-go areas for whites, Asians happily boast that their countries attract whites – think Thailand.
‘….if you do not fully understand the role white supremacy plays in your life and in all areas of people activity…everything else that you think you understand will only confuse you…’

dim mak

>durr

Being advanced Asian countries isn’t the same as acting white. That’s just us being smart and awesome. I for one would prefer all Asians breed with other Asians until the entire world is Asian. It’d be a much better place with far less violence and religionfags and more video games.

And then there’s the butthurt kids on every side crying about who’s takin their women and how they’re gonna counter-take their women.

Bottom line: No male of any race likes it when their women are flocking to males of any other race. It’s a human reaction. Get past that primal reflex and realize that if you’re really so proud of your race, you’d mate with someone your race and create more members of your race.

>Baaaawww whites are mixing with browns
Your fault for taking slaves and immigrants.

Pilot82 (aka Rosemon)

dik mak dum fuk who the hell are you calling slaves and immigrants? What the the hell are you!? A CHINESE/HONG KONG IMMIGRANT in Canada! And your PIPE DREAM of asians only “breeding” with other asians will continue to be a pipe dream as asians are increasingly “breeding” with “slaves” and “immigrants” as you put it…Lay off the acid dude…kills your brain cells…

[Note: Please do not pretend to be multiple people.]

dim mak

Not really, Asians interbreed rarely in Asia and accept next to 0 zero immigrants. We’re gonna be the last race left.

Stay mad.

Bob Dillon

You are one uninformed dude aren’t you. I think you have comprehension issues.

AsiansWearFur

Actually, Asian-Mongoloid people have “interbred” with each other for millenia, especially the “interbreeding” between ancient nomadic (generally called Hun people) and agrarian tribes (generally called Han people). But of course their offspring were still Asian-Mongoloid. It wasn’t until the Han dynasty forces fought epic battles with the Hun kingdom(nomadic ethnic relatives of agrarian han people) that forced Huns away from the Asian heartland and saw the first serious “interracial invasion”, later to become spearheaded by the infamous descendant of the Huns: Attila the Hun. The same would happen later with Chinese(by blood, but culturally distinct) nomadic ancestors the Turks and even later the Mongols, whom are all descendants of the Han and Hun ancestors, and all of whom who spread their seed upon the Eurasian landmass stretching from modern Xinjiang, Persia to Bulgaria/Hungary. Indeed there are huge populations of Eurasian descendants of the AM/WF offspring resulting from constant Asian-Mongoloid invasions resulting from late Bronze/early Iron Age through the end of the Dark Ages. This is a great ignominy even to educated white males with superiority complex/chauvinist attitude, and they are very butthurt about this historic fact, which is why you see all the racebending of historic Asian A-Male leaders/tyrants such as Modu Chanyu, Attila the Hun, Chinggis Khan, etc. In fact, the subject of RACEBENDING was made a Wikipedia article and addressed these facts, which not surprisingly, was deleted by a White-Jewish male chauvinist Wikipedia information controller-censor. White male chauvinism and their sadistically inhumane Zionist causes has reached a new all time low with White Shame counter propaganda and “covert” and biased “free journalism” and media manipulation.

dim mak

>my face when this guy sounds like a broken record with autism

Why is it always people like this? It’s not even worth debunking all the pseudohistory he holds so dear as to repeat in every post

If native Asian countries were being demographically altered by foreign immigrant men, I’d support extreme measures to reverse those trends. But that’s not happening and these articles are about other countries. I mean, you’ve got to be the most royally asspained person I’ve ever met

Brotip: the Asian guys who (actually) get non-Asian girls tend to be relaxed and casual about race whereas the butthurt betas act like autists on the internet and talk like the world is made of only Asians and whites – that’s probably why you guys are rejects in the first place

AsiansWearFur

“We’re gonna be the last race left. Stay mad.”

no pseudo history. just relevant facts if u look it up. i’ve had personal relationships with girlfriends both asian and caucasian, and all beautiful human beings. i cannot tell anyone honestly which ethnicity is better, because it’s an individual thing you know. women should be loved, not deceived, either by individuals or mass media. but i choose to “stay mad” for the truth……… for posterity.

anon

randomly sumbled upon this site and just wanted to add a side note. Im a white australian male, for the marjority i get turned off by white australian females. other whites such as european no problems, same goes for other races. I’m not the only one i know with this view. sometimes your own culture can just turn you off. judge for yourself weither its relevent.

Hapa

What about the psychology and preference of “white guys” that prefer to date asian women?
And what about asian women’s preference for other races? such as black, which i believe is a fairly common pairing (relative) in the states.
Could similar things be said for other racial pairings? blacks/whites for example.
–a white guy, living in asian, with an asian gf

SteveMcgyver

People are people. It doesn’t matter where you are from, idiots are idiots. I don’t blame anyone from any country or race for not wanting to date what they consider losers. Unfortunately in some countries, spousal abuse is still the same as it was 100 years ago. I am currently seeing a woman who was abused by her exhusband. Guess what, they are from China. Does that mean that all Chinese men abuse thier spouse? Absolutely not. But it does occur and the police won’t get involved.
My preference for asian women is because I find them more attractive, and they are what I consider more feminine than white women. This is just my opininion but I want a woman that is equal and not submissive, just as I don’t want one that is domineering either. I was married to an asian for 18 years. I wouldn’t trade that for experience for anything. So do what you want as long as you don’t hurt nor restrict anyone else.

An evolutionary perspective on physical attractiveness suggests that individuals find those characteristics associated with reproductive success attractive. Theory and existing data consistent with this view link perceptions of physical attractiveness to traits such as symmetry, status, and reproductive value. Here, we take this evolutionary perspective global to ask how do Chinese men and women rate the sexual beauty of East Asian compared with Caucasian models? We enlisted 74 Chinese men and women from Hohhot, a northern city, and Chengdu, a southern city, to rank photos of both Chinese and Caucasian male and female models obtained from Chinese magazines. We also elicited emic accounts for the ratings as complementary source of qualitative data. Results revealed that Chinese women ranked Caucasian male and female models as more attractive. Chinese men, however, did not differentially rank East Asian and Caucasian women, though they did rank Caucasian men as being more attractive. We suggest that, while an evolutionary novelty, a process of globalization can still be linked to potentially adaptive preferences for physical attractiveness, and call for more research in this vein.”

I am not personally advocating this dynamic, but as you can see, the issue is far more complex than mere ‘socialization’ – it is entangled in sensory biases with a basis in evolutionary success.

Jeff

I’ve come to my senses. I’ve realized that my outlook on life is and was a waste of time. I’ve realized that I was used to further someone else’s agenda, that’s done and over with, I’m not going to be used again. Even when I did hold that outlook I was unsure of which way I was heading, looks like I ended up in the right spot. I don’t know what else to say.

Jeff

Everyone should be happy while they can be, you only have one life.

Dale

The reason is simple Asains think that by being or acting white make you higher than other races including their own which to me is just sad because the media mess with u Asians heads to the point where if a Asian date or marry out the race or who is not white this means they they’re “down grading” just because we are not white and it also pisses me off when I see or talk to asian girl they want a Blond blue eye rich white guy and never gave other races a chances and you would think that one of the smarter cultures would know the saying never judge a book by it’s cover but I guess not

M.L.

Sucks to be you :(

M.L.

I like the fact that you are self critical and question your motives for things and encourage others to do do. However, in the final analysis I think you’ve drank too much of the politically correct/identity politics Kool Aid and it has warped your judgement.

You sound to me like someone who has on the one hand bought into the whole PC,identity politics, white male bashing/”anyone who isn’t white is oppressed” mentality or feel the need to pretend you have. This presents a direct conflict with your attraction to white men, which you either feel the need to justify or explain or perhaps merely feel the need to pretend to feel the need to justify or explain.

I think it’s embarrassing that you felt the need to tell this anecdote about being attracted to the Asian repair man; it reminds me of black men who dig white women making token advances towards black women to make a good impression with their black friends.

The bottom line is, your need to explain how your interracial relationship doesn’t mean you’re a weirdo really only serves to demonstrate that at your core, you’re a racist. My advice to you would be to ditch your white boyfriend, join some Asian separatist club, and hook up with that Asian repair man you allegedly find so hot.

You’re a great example of the old saw “when you point a finger at someone else you point 3 back at yourself.” Speaking of suck, it appears to be your smug, racist attitude and steretyping that sucks, not the motives you arrogantly and judgementally attribute to others. Can you read their minds? Didn’t think so, so until you can, STFU.

John Rambo

BOYCOTT WESTERN WOMEN
Why men should not marry western women

I am an American man, and I have decided to never marry an American woman. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

I encourage ALL American men to NEVER MARRY American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband’s income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children

5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men’s lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

Another reason to never marry or have children with an American woman: 60 percent of child abuse/molestation in America is done by WOMEN to children, according to US Government statistics. Therefore, the majority of child abuse/molestation in America is done by WOMEN. Also, did you know that 1 out of 4 women in America take psychiatric drugs for mental disorders? Yes, AMERICAN WOMEN ARE INSANE! Oh, and just one more interesting fact- 70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers. Single mothers produce future criminals. Criminals destroy society. Thus, feminism destroys society.

When confronted with this evidence, American/western women will deny any responsibility for their own criminal actions and behaviors, and will attack the man who is presenting these facts and evidences. This is proof that American/western women are a bunch of liars, hypocrites, and criminals. They REFUSE to accept the FACT that they have destroyed tens of millions of men’s lives and ruined the lives of millions of children as well. It is because American/western women have become sociopathic man-haters. Far from being “equal” to men, American/western women can’t even take responsibility for their own actions, which is the trait of any normal adult. Thus, American/western women are just a bunch of spoiled little children. They are NOT equal to men. American women REFUSE to accept the truth of how evil and vile they have become. American/western women are living in their own pathetic little fantasy world, where they think they are a perfect little princess. Sorry, but you are NOT a perfect little princess. In fact, you American/western women are the most hideous, disgusting, monstrous creatures on the face of the earth.

Another thing I noticed, is that whenever you bring up the topic of western men marrying asian women in front of an American/western woman, she will make some racist and hateful comment about asian women, calling them “slaves” or “mail order brides”. My question is this: If American/western women are so “independent”, “confident”, “strong”, and “empowered” like they claim to be, why do they feel threatened by Asian women? Why are American/western women so jealous towards Asian women? The real reason is this- Asian women are 1000 times superior to American/western women, and any western man who has dated/married an Asian woman will tell you this.

Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.

You’re an embittered idiot. First of all, while you’ve provided no data to back up your claims, since the vast majority of marriages in the US are between a ‘western’ man and a ‘western’ woman, most failed marriages will obviously be to a western woman. Every one of your bitter whines here is an absurd overgeneralization with no evidence to back it up. You’d fair no better with a foreign bride. The problem isn’t with the women, it’s with you.

AsiansWearFur

I think you’ve voiced an underlying sentiment drives the “yellow fever” attitude of the western man/white chauvinist/bi-sexual who cannot nurture the sense of commitment that is the foundation for a happy marriage and healthy raising of a family. The difficulty in understanding this is the lack of honesty sense of shame that western men have in expressing these feelings, which you obviously don’t, probably because you’re very honest and don’t censor yourself for Western Face(?). This is a facet of psychology of westerners that really needs to be explored far deeper, and not covered up with excuses by “hipster” comments and editorials (including hipster racism) such as the contentious and rather overblown article here challenging alternate views on “suckiness” of a certain interracial relationship.

Nevertheless, AP news just reported today that the institution of marriage in American society is at an all time low, divorce rates are still very high, and that article went on by gloating that women in “Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Japan aren’t even looking for love”. Hmm. Come to think of it, it’s best that all the lonely white men in America seek warm and ready foreign women, because we need their union of true love and respect, their commitment for lasting family relationships, and their children to become the workforce of the American future so that I will actually have Social Security Benefits available to me several decades from now when I retire.

Taz

your full of crap, and thank you for boycotting American women…take your impoverished gene pool to a more suitable recipient.

Alice S

LOL.

Michael Ejercito

So why would a foreigner marry you, Western man?

A Guy

You’re a moron and an embarrassment to American men. I live in Kentucky, what the hell do you expect me to do? Do you actually think women find that rant attractive?

I think the author of this post wrote an intelligent essay the author is looking deeply into the issue. Although some people want to be politically correct in the western world whiteness is seen as palatable and acceptable image of beauty and power. I think some people of colour internalize feelings of inferiority because we are bombarded with the white image. I remember a study I read in USA which said a large percentage of Asian Americans marry outside of their race. I think the number was 40% or something like that and I was surprised.

Some comments saying “oh race doesn’t matter” is BS. In the real world race always matters whether we discuss race or not. I have often wondered when I am on the subway or bus or walking down the street why are so many Asian women with white men? I’m not white and I’m not Asian but I notice it in Toronto.

In the black community a similar argument goes on whenever a successful heterosexual black man dates or marries a white woman. Why do people think President Obama is so popular with black women? The answer is simple Barack married Michelle a dark skinned black woman. Barack has the approval of many black women because he did not marry white.

Ben

Racist.

Tim

Christine,

I would just like to commend and thank you for your extremely thoughtful post about this sensitive topic. The commentary on your individual as well as interpersonal experiences articulates some of the issues I have grappled with, both in the US as well as abroad.

Sorry if this comes off as condescending at all, but I encourage you to keep up the outstanding work. As far as being possibly “oversensitive,” I feel an incriminating finger should instead be pointed back at those who might have led you to self-identify as such. As a racially-conscious Asian American man, I too have oftentimes been scoffed at and labeled as overly sensitive/ angry by both Asians and Whites alike. This dismissive attitude does nothing to advance actual understanding or progressiveness; rather, it typically represents a level of close-mindedness engendered by blind subscription to the status quo. After looking at some of the other messages that have been posted in response to this piece, it seems this issue is as contentious as ever (with some people still buying into the popular color-blind/multicultural ideology which largely ignores very real inequalities in social and cultural capital).

Has anyone mentioned the Black/Asian combination. I spoke with a Black male associate and he explained that the children, called “Blasians,” are highly prized in the African America community. Blasians are apparently considered the most beautiful of all mixed race children. He explained that the Blasians generally have soft rounded features, medium to caramel skin tones, straight to moderately wavy hair texture, and almost all retain the almond shaped eyes. For the most part, he said, Blasians are equally well accepted in both communities. He tells me that more and more Asian women are venturing into historically Black nightclubs, with visions of Blasians dancing in there head….What do you make of that?

Angela

“Blasians are highly prized in the African America community”

I have never heard of this in my life.

Jack

First, let me state that I am not the Jack who is making filthy comments such as the one below.

Hi Angela,

Learn something new everyday, huh? He went on to explain that of the three groups, caucasian, black/african and asian, black and asians most closely resemble one another, in other words blacks and asians look more alike than blacks and whites or whites and asians. He also told me that most “blacks” in the U.S. already have some caucasian ancestry. His believe is that blasians, being mostly black and asian with a bit a white tossed in are a truly wonderful combination. Not better, just beautiful. According to him, asian women who venture across the color line often risk social ostracization in the asian community, but many are taking the risk anyway. While they do not “chase” black men they seem open to the possibilities.

You may agree or disagree with my friend’s observations and comments, but here’s the point – when we let go of old and tired assumptions we find something new, when we think more broadly we complicate the discussion, but we also enrich and enliven the discussion, and we respect each other, we grow together. What else is there…?

Congratulations to Christine for a fine blog which has stimulated spirited discussion.

Jack

I’m a white guy and I date Asian chicks because they’re stupid and easy. I even gave an Asian chick an STD after she broke down and persuaded her to stick it in without a condom! Haha, I would never marry a stupid chink…just good for, “sucky-sucky, me love you long time” fun!

mr. wiener

You’re a quality guy jack. How could any woman refuse you?….let me count the ways.

gregyoung11@gmail.com

Sweet heart,go with what your heart tells you,i love asian woman,i always have i cant help it,do peopel hate on me?yes but its there problem :)at the end of the day am i happy?yes:)i love my indonesian girl friend<33im going to marry her,im very clsoe with her family,her ex was like these pissed off asian men,jsut cause we are happy they hate it,are race both of are are not going any weer any times soon,live and let live:)peopel talk down about your relationship?fuck em:)let em be mad:) people will eb people:) i love my girl friend culture,its amazing,i say bring on the haters:)and were id this guy get this stats?marrage is marrage,it depends on people thats thats,yo utwo can make it work if you try to:)love you man don't worry bout the rest:)!as long as you two are happy thats all that matters

Tom

Don’t worry about what people might think. Live you life in peace if you want to have happiness. Worry for yourself and him. Life is too short to be disturbed by what others might think.

Facts

Hi
was your statement to me? and if so whats your point,I could not follow it.

China Doll

As mentioned before, this is a very well written blog post. Take a close look at the initial picture. What do you see? I see a young (mid-twenties at most), beautiful, vibrant Asian women, with a lovely smile and sparkling eyes. Turn to her partner. He’s older, probably mid/late 30’s to mid-40’s. His hair is a mess. He’s unshaven, not in a cool way, but a sloppy way. He’s got lots of wrinkles, whereas her skin is fine and clear. Dude that neck chain is just not working for you. Looks like he really needs a shower. Maybe he is a millionaire or has a super personality, who knows? Here’s the point – why do so many really attractive Asian women go after ugly white guys. This not an appropriate way for a man to present himself to a beautiful woman, it’s disrespectful. Everyone can date whoever they want, but this trend of Asian women throwing themselves at white guys is not good. There’s definitely a trend here and we should ask why. I doubt it has much to do with physical attributes. That is not enough to sustain a relationship for more than a few weeks or months. Again, nothing wrong with AF/WM couples, but there’s also nothing wrong with exploring the potential reasons for the trend. Not different than asking why so many people join Facebook – it’s not by accident. Someone mentioned “Blasians” on here and I have seen a subtle trend with more and more Asian Females/Black Male couples. Curious about that too. Interested to hear what others think…

TLC

Hi China Doll,

Interesting post, never looked at the photo in that way, but you’re right with respect to the disparity of physical appearance. I am a Black guy dating a Chinese-American women. First time either of us dated outside our race. We have a great relationship! It’s fun to share our respective cultures – music, art, and of course food. We are both learning and loving a lot.

Previously, she dated a white guy who pretty much traumatized her. He treated here like a slave and expected here to do unspeakable things for himself and his friends. She is now participating in a mental health support group for Asian women who have been in seriously abusive relationships with white men. There’s a long waiting list to join the group, and thus a long list of creeps. It is a safe place for her to deal with her feelings, stuff she can’t share with me.

Kind of weird that I stumbled upon this site after Googling “blasians!”

Great blog Christine!

Jackie

Thank you for sharing TLC.

I shed tears of tears of joy when I read your very touching first paragraph. You guys sound so sweet. All the best for your future.

Then I shed tears of sorrow when I read the second paragraph. I and many of female Chinese-American friends have had a similar experience with an abusive white man. We don’t have a support group, but we share our stories and help each other. All of us are at least 2nd generation, well-educated, professionals. We thought this stuff only happened to poor women or “mail-order” brides. The common thread – we all thought it was our fault. Why would our “perfect” white man do this unless we did something wrong? So we kept our secrets. In many cases our family or peers steered us away from Asian men and pressured us to marry white men. A number of us thought that by having some white in our children they would have a better future. It was painful to admit that most of us aggressively pursued white men, that there is no “yellow fever,” that we are not inherently better than women of other races. We are in the early stages of establishing an outreach group to connect with young women in high school and college to let them know that while it is fine to date and marry anyone you want, you shouldn’t be with a white guy to prove your worth or boost your self-esteem. We also want to bring this particular type of abuse out of the shadows and expose it for what it is – reprehensible. So many of us were raised in secretive households. I was told to keep quiet or risk bringing great shame and dishonor to my family. So I did for many years. That’s over now and I have grown and healed.

I had never heard of that word – “blasian” – it has a nice ring to it. If it’s what you and your lady want, I hope you have a beautiful little blasian.

Christine, thank you so much for your blog and for starting this incredible thread of dialogue, still going strong after a year! With love and kindness you have shared a very special gift, the gift that is called community. All the best to you my dear with whomever you choose.

Erica

Jackie, you raise a very important yet seldom discussed subject – violence against Asian women perpetrated by American white men. I am a midlife Chinese-American woman living in New England with a 20-something year old daughter. I have encouraged her to seek a nice Chinese man or a Black or Hispanic, anyone but a white man. I am a social worker in an agency with serves primarily the Asian community. So many woman who dreamed of a white man woke to find themselves living in a nightmare. This is a tragedy I have witnessed many times. I have been privy to a yet to be publish study which documents this growing problem. Initial results indicate that an Asian-American woman partnered with a white American man is 5 times more likely to be the victim of domestic abuse and/or violence compared to a white American woman partnered with a white American man. For an African America or a Hispanic woman, the numbers are 3-4 times and 2-3 times, respectively. If the Asian woman is foreign-born (ex-U.S.A.), she will be 9 times more likely to suffer abuse and/or violence at the hand of a white man, compared to a white woman – absolutely stunning. We need to send a message that some white men are not only undesirable, but downright dangerous! So many times women have told me they thought they had found the “perfect white man.” We are working to create a community service group to bring together young women and those who have been abused. We think they can learn from each other and heal each other. My advice to young Asian women – choose your man carefully and choose your white man even more carefully.

Take

Blacks and Asians have been dating since the 70’s, it gets little attention because the black population is small. For every 100 white men you see with an Asian woman you’ll see 5 or 10 black guys. Point is Blaisans are not new…think tiger woods.

This business of white men beating up Asian wemon, well white men are not the only men beating on wemon. Can’t just make a blanket statement they alone do this. However, I know that has gone on.

Erica

You make a good point. All types of men commit acts of domestic abuse or violence against all types of partners and it is never justifiable. However, it seems that white men are more prone to these acts when partnered with an Asian female. The results indicated that men of other races/ethnicities showed no difference by partner. For example, Hispanic men were just as likely (or unlikely) to abuse their partner regardless of race. It not fully understood why white men are so prone to abuse Asian women as compared to other women. Perhaps these men expect a docile, subservient spouse and when they learn they have married a strong, assertive women (most Asian, and Chinese women specifically), they can’t handle it and turn to violence. No one knows for sure, but we most take a proactive approach to bring an end to horrible problem.

The Truth

Asian “women” with Caucasian men? When I see a couple that includes the two people who I just mentioned, I get a very hateful feeling come over me. I feel uneasy, uncomfortable, angry, and disgust all at the same time. Caucasian men are with you chinks because they cannot handle a real American woman. They also do it to get back at us. If you only knew what they really think of you..subservient, weak, me love you long time, easy lay, my little Asian whore, etc. If you don’t know this, you must be blind. This is not what love is based on-stereotyping, revenge, and stupid fantasies. Asian men are small penised scumbags in their own right! I hate Chinese people especially, because they murder cats and dogs and eat them. Please go back to your pathetic country and stop taking up space in America that is intended for-Americans, not mail order brides.

mr. wiener

…..Wow you really are a hate filled person aren’t you? I’d never date an asian woman just to annoy white women, but I’d definitely not want to go anywhere near a complete bitch like you.
Have you ever stopped to think WHY no one wants to go out with you? Look in the mirror girl and stop being such a complete….god I hate using that word to describe women, but you know the word I mean. You sound like one of the biggest one of those ever encountered.

I don’t know why all the fuss with this topic.am a latino that is in love with a beautiful black sister and also plan to “wife” her. I have dated girls in most all races Asian, white, latinos,indians, and all…and i have to say that each comes whit it’s own problems in account of this racism thing. Being a latino and coming from a culture were racism is hardly an issue(we have white,black,brown,red latinos all living together in racial tolerance),i have to say that i am simply surprised by the level of stupidity and anger by the AM’s comments in this forum. P.s. Asian girls are not that beautiful and mostly look like “young boys”that is why there is this Asian fetish involving WM/AF relationship,but i will have to admit that Asian girls are excellent in giving HEAD when it comes to sex.

The only comments I hear when dating an asian woman(as a white man), is from white women and asian men. The comments are different.

White women ask why I’m dating a little boy. And I say, “Little boy? What?”. Their response is that they’re flat as a board and have no butt. So they basically are calling me a pedophile. But in reality they are pissed because I’m not dating them.

Asian men have a different take. Some say well done. Some get visually angry. Some come up to my gf and stare at her like she just kicked their dog. Basically the same reasons, just a different response.

So what this means for me is, I understand it. And too bad. The girl I’m dating will have to understand this. I’ve found asian women, like you, have a much harder time because you aren’t as individualistic as American white men. You tend to be terminally attached to “tradition” and family expectations.

It’s only hard for me because finding an asian woman with a backbone other than that of a caged jellyfish is hard to come by. If you have a problem with what people think about you, then there are a couple of reasons. Either A) You don’t understand it. Or B) You are weak minded and don’t deserve a white guy.

If you can’t handle it now, you can’t handle it when you have children. And children need strong parents that have their head screwed on straight.

Thus endeth the lesson.

TAKE5

justanotherguy@”It’s only hard for me because finding an asian woman with a backbone other than that of a caged jellyfish is hard to come by”

You have not been around many asian women or men. A confident Asian women would not get involved with someone like yourself. They would not have the time. Be thankful you have not met them, they would run circles around you.

@Anon u are simply a “WHITE RACIST PIG”masking behind your false identity. U know whot? ItS so surprising to know that there are “people”, who can now enter the ” sychy” of an entire race and know the feelings and mentality they possess. Am a latino that has alot of black friends including dating quite a number of beautiful black African American girls and i have to say that your views of “BW”as you put it, is as best simply “WHORPPED”and the rantings of a WHITE REDNECKED SUPREMACIST that is finding it hard to come to terms with your ever increasing irrelivance in THE CURRENT AND PRESENT WORLD REALITY. Sorry but the BW’s and in some aspects the AM’s are not to blame for your(racist) ever increasing diminished influence in the world today. I also feel that the AF’s can take a cue from there black counterparts BW’s who see through the facade(been there done that)of the WM. Trust me and am speaking from experience, BW are not jealous of AF there hasn’t been enough interraction between the two to warrant that (few blacks live in Asia as compared to a large number in Africa, Europe,North America and South America).if the BW has any jealousy all of it is most directed at the WHITE FEMALES because there is an ALARMING increase in BM/WF relationship compared to that of BM/AF relationships, which may also be due to the facts that most BLACK MALES don’t just find ASIAN FEMALES(East Asian) that attractive (most look like little teenage boys, flat chested with little or no ass). In comparison to the much admired big “BOOTY”and “BOOBS”the African and Latino(may be a number of White girls,some get it through surgeries and implants both boobs and butt implants) “ETHNIC” girls have. ………………………So please (racist pig @Anon) don’t think you know race make up of the Latin community,and as a Latin American myself let me enlighting you on this topic before u continue spreading your MISSINFORMATION about my people and my culture… The Latin culture or Latin America is made up of or dominated by three racial groups the white latinos, so called brown latinos(which are the majority)and the black latinos,add to this three groups other minority ethnic people .it is the white latino that have no problems fitting into the white dominated American and European society because let’s face the facts, they are practically white in all intent and purposes,the only thing that makes them latino is the shared culture and language. So by saying the WM/Latino marriage is very high is false because this type of marriages occurs mostly between whites and white latinos .on the other hand the brown latinos(which are the majority)by and large still suffer or are subjected to the same racism(even if it’s subtle) as Black latinos, African Americans,Asians and other minority ethnic groups in the state’s White dominated establishment. Trust me am a porto rican American that lives in cali……………………………………………………………….As for Christine i think there’s definitely nothing wrong in marrying or going out with who u love regardless of race, just be true to urself and ur partner and beware of (PERVS)like this @Anon guy who is probably trying to get in ur PANT’S by occassionaly putting a (sweet) word or two in your defence against @heeroyuy and your other detractors , WE SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU PERV @Anon .

Chris

I actually find you to be pretty pro-asian male from this article…it seems like you dislike white men very much. How do you know some white men don’t date asian women because the see them a shaving the superior culture? Asian hegemony has been almost as rampant as European hegemony if you studied asian history so I just don’t get a lot of PC these arguments

David

As an American man who cannot date a religious woman, regardless of race, I am surprised to see you in a long-term relationship with a Jewish man (assuming you’re still with him). Perhaps I am just lucky to have never fallen for a religious woman before I figured out that I was incompatible with such women. As an American, as you can imagine, this incompatibility makes dating difficult, since a large majority of the North American population is instantly eliminated. Subsequently, I’ve dated several Asian girls since, generally because they were the only women I could find who were not religious. Lucky for me, by the time I figured this out about myself, I had already been studying Chinese, and dating a Thai girl (Buddhism is O.K.), and had made many Asian friends, for several years. So dating Asian women came very naturally. Although you’ve said you’ve tried to avoid discussing anything too personal, I’d be very interested to know how you’ve managed to reconcile the religious difference. I’ve known one other woman (Asian) who’s dated men of other religions (Muslim and Christian). I’ve asked her the same question, to which her only response has been an unsure “I’m trying to keep an open mind.” However, having not been raised in a religious society, I’ve always doubted that she realizes the significance of the influence of religion. I was never convinced that she had attempted to think it through. Instead, it seemed like she was just assuming it would work out. I know for me, besides the obvious complications of child rearing, I could never truly appreciate a religious woman. That’s not to say I don’t love my religious brothers and sisters; I wish them all the happiness in the world. I just know that if I was being honest with myself, in my heart of hearts, I could never accept a religious woman as my true love. There is just a philosophical disconnect there that I could never reconcile. I’m curious to know your thoughts on all of this.

Patrick

Most Asian girls end up with the following types of white guys:
Jews that wont buy a banana to not through away the peel.
Poor white losers who purposefully target Asian chicks to make them feel like “The Man.” They’re poor and poor men want power, so ya Asian chicks.
Controlling freaks who prey on submissive people, yep Asian chicks.
Nerds who tend to be pale and overweight boring and cautious types.
Really old white losers who never got married and purchased some starving Asian girl to be his mail order bride. Very sad but millions of these. Being poor sucks. They come here to be sex slaves.
Creepy nerds who have never been laid and anybody with an Asian fetish, ego issues or just plain poor whites or boring types. Very few Asian girls actually marry successful and well rounded white men.
Latinas may marry working class whites but they’re characters tend to be a lot better than the losers who go purposefully at Asian chicks. You can actually punch an Asian girl and get away with it. And men know that very well. latinas arent submissive for a reason=they dont want any losers, egotistical abusers or nerds coming after them. They used to be submissive and the macho Latinos took advantage of them. Now even Latinos, like Asian men, are losing the hottest chicks to white dudes who are more successful and treat them better. Same with lazy fat white girls losing men to ethnic girls/black girls.

mr. wiener

So which one of the stereotypes were you again?

Eric

Thumb up :)

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Not always true. Sure, many extremely ugly/stupid Asian women will be with those losers, but it’s usually a plain to ugly short, flatchested slut with some white guy that’s top 10% among white men. Not that great, but still.

lisa zhang

The last comment was ridiculous. Most of these people who say “i’m not an asian male” are in fact angry asian men with an axe to grind. And you know what? My asian friend is dating a black man and they have a kid…so how does that make you feel? It shouldn’t matter someone’s race if they love each other. And yes, many women (not just asian) want a white guy as they’re intelligent, reliable, good looking and supportive This whole post in general is just silly

and anyone who says “you just don’t like yourself” is just someone who really doesn’t like who they are

Johann

Couldn’t agree more Lisa. Asian Guys who complain Asian Females with White Guys makes me feel emaciated and less masculine, or White Guys who complain about White Females with Black Guys, reveal they’re insecurity and lack of confidence……….and are looking for an excuse to blame Females for it. Blaming Females for not being able to get laid or find Girlfriends does nothing to improve their lives at all…..simple as that

Eric

I agree with “Asian Guys who complain Asian Females with White Guys makes me feel emaciated and less masculine” are looking for excuse to blame female for it. The same go for white guys calling white girls sluts for dating black men.

Eric

lisa zhang,

woo, where did you get your information from. White are more intelligent, reliable, good looking and supportive?

I dated a couple of white guys. They emotionally neglected me and were sexist with me and putting me down. They also seemed to lack depth and intellect and were awfully judgemental. Now, not saying all of them are like that, but it’s not like I was up to date the whole world. After dating two, I got to know an Asian guy, who unfortunately died in a gas leakage accident shortly after. Ever since then, I owned my attraction toward Asian men (my family always encouraged me to only date blonde and blue eyed men; I’m Eastern European myself), but I’ve been dreaming to settle with an Asian since I was little. Ever since then, I’ve been going for what I wanted, who I wanted, albeit, had to be picky even with the Asian ones. You know, people are people and I believed in the right person. Nonetheless, my brief experience with Asian men (platonic romances) have proven them to be much more galant, considerate, respectful, good-looking and intelligent than the white guys I dated or even had as friends. Finally settled with the right guy, Asian, of course, who treats me super well, is very respectful and considerate and reliable and appreciates my inner gifts and who I am.

In the end, dear Lisa, my experience isn’t universal and isn’t valid to all, nor is yours. So, let’s not make stupid comparisons based on our own little life experiences. Not all white guys are intelligent and reliable and good looking and supportive. As I’ve also met enough Asian a-holes myself. How about we don’t paint a whole race with one brush and put them on pedestal like ”Ooooohhh! White man Gooood, Asian man baaaaad”. You obviously are speaking from your own personal agenda, taking white mens’ side and whatever. How about there are some real a-holes in both races?

floyd

I am a 51 year old white male.Divorced. I think asian women are simply beautiful. However i think asian women have given themselves their reputation. I joined an asian dating site & honestly 7 out of 10 women that responded to my profile were under the age of 28. At least 2 of 7 were under 20. As young as 18. My profile stated 35 to 50 years old. I have met a women that is 46.

Creepyoldasswhiteguys

Gross. Pathetic. Servile.

Gwen

i don’t emasculate asian men, i just don’t like effeminate men. and the majority of the time when I am exposed to images of asian men, they look so effeminate and it turns me off. I don’t understand this pop culture of theirs, dressing in such a metrosexual manner and having super long hair that covers your face as though you wish to wear a burqa. I just think it’s plain ridiculous.

From my personal experience, it does not matter who you are with as long they try to build an understanding and respect of the different cultural aspects in the way of life. I dated five Asian men in my life time. My first encounter was a Canadian Asian man who was very white washed. I did not like it because I wanted someone who could understand my Asian background better. Afterwards, I dealt with many white men of different backgrounds, such as Irish, English, Yugoslavian, Ukrainian, Kenya, Slavic, Romanian and Pakistani, Turkish, etc… They were all different, but I did feel a gap when it comes to differences (of course). Unfortunately, the majority of them did not care about my beliefs and values or rather do not know about them nor do they wish to know about them was quite disappointing. I don’t expect them to know it right away, I just wish they have a genuine interest in it as well as the person they wish to get together with from a different culture. However, the majority of the time, I just think and feel that men will always be men, and they just want sex regardless. So a sexy Asian lady coming at your way? No problem, court with her then lay with her and you will be satisfied. Really. That is so insulting for ANY women in this world to experience (unless you want it that way as well, but that way of life is never fulfilling). Asian men were no exceptions. When I dated this one Asian guy who was half Chinese and half Japanese, he was incredibly detached from his Asian cultures despite enjoying the Asian food and women. I am half Chinese and Japanese as well. However, my mother turned to the Chinese heritage because it was fiercely strong and overwhelming. My father is strict to what he likes and don’t like and my mother just follows. Sometimes they argue and sometimes the woman wins =P… I remember teaching that guy Japanese and Chinese culture and language, and it didn’t seem to phase him very much. Just the fact that he was with a cute looking Asian girl who is part of what he claims, is good enough for him. Quite wrong.

Today, I am with a Romanian man who is younger than me by a couple of years. First of all, a couple of months younger will get a mouthful from my parents and family members, but because he is a couple of years younger, my mother is a bit disappointed. Secondly, he is white, but his attitude is partially European and somewhat Canadian. I had my quirks with his behaviour now and then on Asian culture. Table manners and etiquettes, customs, values, etc… we once had a long fight about how the Asian perceive a female sleeping over at a man’s house. He thinks it’s completely fine, I took the side of my parents because they were right and women should keep their dignities. Even if they do absolutely nothing but just sleep in bed together, it is still very frown upon. To be honest, I don’t care if I sleep over at his house, and in fact, I would want to, but I need to care for my parent’s opinions and respect them. As I usually say to my friends and to my boyfriend, “There is no liberty or just in filial piety”. I mean, he’s still a kid and kinda bratty. So I am patient with him to teach him the ways of my culture and why it is still so strong today.

His parents love me for who I am, but I think an feel that the mother resents his son for being “Asian” sometimes. Going out for tea, eating Asian foreign foods, cooking foreign food. They are very Romanian and do not like eating anything else but Romanian diet. I do have some blame for it, for exposing her son to enjoy into my expansive culture of 10,000 years. I think it will create an open heart for the son to understand the roots of why we are we are today, and why is it important that a tradition is successfully passed down for generations.

The fact and the matter is that he genuinely cares and loves me for who I am. He told he that he has never been more attracted to anyone else in his lifetime. I guess, if we were to have children, I would want them to embrace the Asian culture, and live a Canadian way of life, but with Asian values. It is already difficult for those Asians in North America to transit themselves into this foreign culture. It may seem daring and quite obtuse, but this is probably why most foreign students huddle with their own kind during recesses or lunch breaks or even class projects. I do find comfort being with my own kind, they seem to be more approachable than other ethnicity (for some strange reason). I sometimes I don’t even see the white in my boyfriend. He is just a person as anyone else. Just a very handsome silly one.
But I do encourage those xenophobic folks to get along with other people from different backgrounds. I am very open and friendly to anyone, especially to those who I can definitely relate to. But when it comes down to it, all of our values are similar. In the end, we want good health, wealth, and prosperity to our family and friends. We want ambitious spouses and good kids. We want good jobs and working ethics and making decent money. Taking cheques to the bank. Because we share similar problems, health, wealth, and civil issues.

Sometimes I feel disappointed in my boyfriend for not being able to provide things that my previous Asian boyfriends have done. He seem to be “afraid” or elusive to my Asian parents. What are these things? Let me think… Well, he has never picked up a bill when eating with my family. Or take my family out for an outing after getting his cheque. He is usually empty-handed when he comes over for something special (once I encouraged him to bring baked goods from a Chinese bakery, but he does not have the skills to pick what was good and popular). The only reason why he is even exposed to my parents is because I was in a terrible accident and it left me bedridden for some good solid months. He comes over to visit me and at the same time being exposed to my parents (first time) when he brought me back from the hospital in Montreal to Toronto. Otherwise I would have probably wait a bit longer before exposing him to my family. But my previous Asian boyfriend would callously just leave me in the hospital (I confirmed this by asking him) and not bother take me back home after I fractured several bones in my body because he would need to go back to work. While the Romanian boyfriend fought against his company to stay with me even on the verge of being fired. I think it was reckless and stupid, but he wouldn’t leave me. I cried a lot during this time and he comforted me.

I think it just doesn’t really matter where the guy or girl comes from, because there are people who care about their spouses (genuinely) and want the best for them and people who are more interested in their personal lives. Because there is no such thing as altruism, it is more of the intent from their own selfish aspirations that would benefit them and/or share a common interest, which is the theory behind those who are genuinely (self-interest and common interest) caring about to the people they love.

I was born in Canada, and I feel very Canadian. It came to me very amusingly when I went to Japan and stayed there with my “sister” (Iraqi). She was quiet and kept things to herself, while I was obnoxiously loud and cheerful. I was definitely different from those in Japan and definitely different than those who are in mainstream America. While I conflict the two differences, I guess I live by my own identity of being Asian living under the roof of the North American sky. In the end, I choose a balance between my Asian side and the Canadian side. It is a good thing that Canadians don’t pressure you into melting into a pot of mac and cheese.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Gwen, you should dump the guy. He will never grow up. White men just aren’t very intelligent.

Thriving Truth

Hmmm, what a profound statement! I pity the life you wallow in. Wake up, grow up.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Same to you. Having experience in life is what informs you of general white stupidity.

Asian Egalitarian

Dude, did you even read what she wrote? She values an appreciation of her individuality and her culture moreso than someone who will provide for her and please her family. The latter can be learned/obtained, but the former is something she longed for and happened to find in a white guy.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

The latter is something she was very, very unlikely to have found with a white guy but maybe she did

Dane Cook n Mtn Dew brah

tl;dr

if i think the average asian girl is more attractive than the average white girl, am i a racist? i have an aesthetic preference for asian women… i don’t blurt it out to every white girl i know, but i don’t hide the fact that i like asian girls. i don’t know why you think it’s callous, humiliating, emasculating, race treason for an asian girl to say with impunity that she has an aesthetic for white guys because it makes asian guys feel inferior. asian men can defend themselves. plenty of white girls like black guys. i wouldn’t want a white girl blogging that it’s wrong for other white girls to say they prefer black guys for the reason that it’s offensive to my demographic. i know white girls that love asian guys. i know white girls that love latinos. it doesn’t matter… some people like blondes. some people like tall. if you are so reluctant to date a certain person because of their ethnicity or what that says about you or you two, then you’ve got some issues to iron out.

Gianna

The author of this article is dumb as f*ck.

Gianna

I take my first comment back, where I insulted the author.

But, I still believe that the way she put it all is flawed and rude and unfair.

She has a preference for White guys, which is her business, but to slander her own men…

She has issues with Asian men, and she should not post them as if they are fact. It’s just her personal view, and it doesn’t mean that she is correct, or right.

1.I have a cultural/aesthetic preference for white guys.– That is YOUR preference, lady.

2.Asian men have small penises, trust me, I’m Asian.—Wha?! You slept with the entire China to know this? So, by your logic, I could say that all Asian women are flat chested.

3.White guys are much more physically attractive compared to Asian guys.–You are blind and need a new pair of glasses. It’s because you have the White fever that you are unable to see past the white guys on the streets. I tell you, there are plenty hot, handsome, well built Asian men out there, but maybe you just aren’t good enough to attract one?

4.Asian men are nerds and geeks and quiet losers.–Really? ALL of them? And white guys aren’t, right? They all are made of gold to you.

5.Asian men aren’t romantic.–I know more romantic Asian men than I’ve ever known white ones, and I’m white.

6.White guys are hot and sexy, while Asian guys are just loyal friends.–If that’s how you like to look at it. You just like the more macho type of guy, not the sensitive, soft hearted one. It’s YOUR preference.

7.I will never date an Asian guy, I only date white guys.–White fever! A fixation.

8.I can’t date Asian men because they’re like my brothers.–That’s YOUR problem. It is how YOU see them, it doesn’t mean that it’s their fault that you don’t like them. You just have a fixation for white guys.

9.Caucasian features are more attractive compared to the round face, olive skin, small squinty eyes Asian guys have.–Again, YOUR preference. It doesn’t mean you are right.

Etc. along the same lines.

Your post was a failed attempt at sounding intelligent. But what I really see in it is a very naive little Asian girl who has a white man fetish/fixation, and who refuses to see anything past that. I would call you a sell-out, and you scream of self-hate and insecurity. While I generally don’t care about AF/WM relationships, it is because of A girls like you that I just end up shaking my head. It is also because of Asian girls like you that people hate these types of relationships. You hate yourself, hate your own race, hate your parents, probably, you’d do anything to sell yourself to anyone white. I do hope that one day you will learn to respect yourself and your own people, grow some dignity and some self-esteem and mature. You lack these completely. I have a hard time respecting Asian women like yourself, and trust me, many people do as well. before you go ahead and date outside of your race, you need to get some dignity and self-respect. Respect your own people and your own heritage, and then you will be seen with respect as well.

Just because you have a fetish for white men that turned into a preference, doesn’t mean you have to forget about yourself, who you are, where you come from and your heritage. Love yourself first.

She clearly listed those stereotypes to speak out AGAINST them, not to enforce them

No.

Yuh, I noticed…But my points still stand.

Asian Egalitarian

Duh your points still stand. She was listing stereotypes that were ridiculous and you attacked her points as if you were attacking her intelligence/credibility. She even said that she dated primarily Asian guys in her article and this was the first white guy she had been attracted to, which led her to write this article in the first place. Dude, read before you attack.

Glenna Mercado

what’s wrong with white fever? lul and no i don’t hate myself, i just can’t bear the thought of sleeping with someone who will remind me of my brothers :P

Asian Egalitarian

The notion that dating an Asian guy would be like dating your brother is problematic in origin, even if you aren’t aware of it. It’s the idea that all Asian guys are the same to some extent, and therefore if you have a brother, all Asian guys are just like him, which is racist because Asians are a highly diverse group, with different cultures and values.

Fed Up Asian Man

It’s curious White women, or Black women, or Latin women, never ever say such a thing. Can you imagine a White woman saying “I could never date a White man. I just can’t bear the thought of sleeping with someone who will remind me of my brothers. :P” ?

Gianna

Holy crap, was I angry back then? lol

Benson

Asian men are just angry because their relationships with white women fail miserably and their offspring are screwed up in the head.

Don’t forget that its the asian men you hate so much that help to create the asian women you lust after so much buddy.

j l

i am an asian guy who only date white girls, i just simple love them and never fall in love with others. i still talk to asian girls. it’s ok to see white guys with asian girls, but i don’t know whats wrong with them, this group always have lots of problems, it’s like they never learn what’s going on from their dating.

Guest

For me I’m attracted to different men from different cultures and yes I am attracted to asian men as well, but out of all the blatant

For me I am attracted to Asian men and other men from different cultures because I like their smile, their weird personality and basically who they are as a person, that’s about it! I am aware of the typical stereotype BS about Asian women relationships mentioned, what do I think about it? Honestly? There will always be racism and as much as I hate it and wish that everyone guilty should stop judging others, I’m just tired of hearing it. Yes I wish that everyone who is guilty of spreading racist stereotypical hatred about this type of relationship would just shut up. Every human being has the right to be with whomever they want to be.

Well you’re right I haven’t experience an interracial relationship before. I’m not criticizing, I just wish people would stop the racism and the stereotypes that’s all.

pums

one thing i will never understand is why people are so stupid on racial issue. if you look at the whole world race, everybody is almost racist. but when they are racially discriminated they complain about racism. why why ???? asians girls prefer white guys ,thats not racism? apart from whites there are no other race in this world? when whites discriminate asians ,asians complain again. but white preference to blacks, indians, arabs etc its already racism . a soulmate is a soulmate , nothing to do with race. cultural background can be adjusted for someone you love.

nycasianmale

Tell the truth it is perfectly natural for most white women to prefer white men for dating. People prefer people from a similar background to themselves. Race much more so than culture, income, upbringing is the single most salient characteristic that people latch onto straight away. We all know this in our bones to be true. LOTS of Asians desperate for white approval.

But what I really find disturbing is the whole situation is that Asian females on the whole actually prefer white guys over Asian guys. These women, to be blunt, are sell-outs and race traitors.

I think the media has a huge role in this… Asian males are
portrayed as evil weak and small. When have you seen an Asian male
actor having a romantic seen in a main stream American movie NEVER! even
kissing is not allowed. Asian females are just the opposite. They are
ALWAYS depicted in a positive light in our media and their sexual
interests are always another race other than Asian. Even in
commercials. Its so sad and wrong but people especially Asian females
are getting brainwashed.

I’m over educated, highly successful, wealthy, fairly good looking
Asian guy. Yes! the only women who will give me a chance are divorced
women who are old unattractive and fat…. only Asian women that will
date me are non-native speakers, and even a good percentage of those
don’t want to date Asian guys.

Forever single NYC Asian male….and started to accept the fact that nobody will date me because I’m Asian.

Indians aren’t seen that much better as with you East Asian males. I feel for you. :(
The difference is that still many Indian girls want to stick with their own kind unlike East Asian women going primarily for white men.

I’m not East Asian nor white, but I am attracted to East Asian females. There’s no problem at all with AF/WM couples. I’m just disturbed at the fact of how extremely skewed it is compared to the other way around with AM/WF couples. It should at least be a bit more balanced in my opinion. I’d like to see a lot of AM/WF couples at least then, but it doesn’t happen. I feel for the many frustrated asian men who feel emasculated. The western media doesn’t help that any, with them being portrayed as meek, shy, weak, not manly, etc. But the asian women are seen as sexy, exotic, ripe for a white guy to take.

Before the world became far smaller through things like airplanes, internet, boats, etc. we pretty much had no choice but to date and marry within our own races. But it seems like a mass number of asian women are leaving their own men for the “superior” white men that they have discovered thanks to difference races and cultures only now recently mingling from less than a century ago. Is this really true?
Are asian men really that inferior that their women don’t want them after discovering something “better”, white men???

Its sad when in the U.S I walk around, I am actually surprised to see an asian girl with an asian guy instead of a white guy.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Not really – whenever East Asians share a land border with whites their women flood our gates, even selling themselves into slavery to escape their small-dicked, ugly, stupid men.

Even now East Asian men get the best women of other races. WF/AM couples earn the most in America, and 57% of the women are college-educated.

YourHusband

um but notice how the asian females with white men are almost never attractive? why do all the pretty ones always go for asian men? remember that asian women are genetically wired to find good looking asian men as superior to any white man

DefEnder

I could care less if i’m dating a white girl. Hell i don’t even care if she’s black. I’m not the type to date specifically who. It’s just how naive asian women are. They fall for anything and everything. No matter what you say, you are persuaded by multimedia. People always try too hard to fit in with society. Probably what happened if even you ended up dating that guy is because he had so many connects to be able to get to someone asian and more. While he had 5 times more other girls than you have guys to speak with he was likely scoping out, which asian is better. Humans are geared to date their own race, but it seems other races think otherwise. It’s done completely out of fetish. Did he not at least meet a white girl with the same qualities? Most likely he should have, but he choose you out of fetish. There are plenty more possibilities that i know of, but you can’t ask him what’s his story. He can be lying all of these times. That’s why there is a new quote that goes “women can fake an orgasm, but men can fake a whole relationship.”

SuperHappyCow

Blacks are so gross. Ew.

SuperHappyCow

“Hell, I don’t EVEN care if she’s black”

SO GROSS. EW. EVEN if she’s black? You’re so magnanimous.

Flat face no tit dog

Yay lets breed out the white race and the world will be a better place

Flat face no tit dog

And u r a super ugly redneck worshipping cow !!

Andre Leonard

People who can date/marry outside of their race are to be admired. I like anyone who appreciates diversity Life is too short to get stuck inside a one dimensional box of taboo’s prejudices.

I have seen beauty and can appreciate women, food, culture and traditions other than the ones I was born with. As they say, it’s a big world. Go out and claim your share of life.

Thoughts and values not your own (haters) should not preclude you from happiness. It’s your story and only you can tell it.

Americans moved from the fight from segregation to an extreme of intelectual self segregation. We have arrived to an atmosphere where racism is an intelectual pursuit.

Tim

I’m a white male and I am more attracted to white girls than Asian girls, It’s just my preference I’m just naturally attracted to North European type girls.

Colour blind

Everyone should stop identifying as a race and accept that 70,000 years ago we were all African. Look at the values your friends have such as kindness and loyalty and your life will be more fulfilling and your horizons will broaden.

Fred Prekel

A comment that one of my Asian friends who is a surgeon made a statement that could help explain this topic “I wouldn’t date an Asian woman I already have 1 Asian family i don’t need another”

Kenneth

Never happened. You’re full of crap.

AshenA

I’m all for love concurs all. I like that. I hope that exists. I am a white woman, and within my family there are two couples who consist of white male, Chinese woman. The women are kind, lovely and make the best. food. ever. No, that’s not intended to be derogatory whatsoever. They’re amazing cooks. They’re also very attentive mothers and caring wives.

The only concern I have with the whole thing–which I tend to keep to myself, lest I seem controversial and hurt someone’s feelings–is that the couple’s children identify as Chinese rather than (in this instance) Chinese/Swedish. They attend Chinese school, they only have Chinese friends, save for a couple non-Chinese. Their European heritage is almost entirely non-existent. I have seen this too of my sister’s best-friend’s children. She’s Chinese and her husband is white. The kids hardly ever speak English or Swedish to each other. While I may not know why this happens exactly, I think it does because Chinese culture is strong, and dominant. The population of Europeans world wide is shrinking rapidly. If we keep mixing each other’s cultures we’ll soon be putting white men in one of those endangered species pens at the zoo, rather than marrying them.

That’s just my thoughts, I don’t mean to be offensive to anyone…

Jonathan Shay

It’s ok. White people are going extinct and Asians are rising into power, wealth and world dominance.

You Asian girls in the West who go for white guys are exacerbating and fastening the extinction of white people. You’re aiding the rise of Asians.

In 100 years, there will be very few white people and Asian guys will own most of the world’s economy and power.

asian woman right here. dated an asian guy once when i was 12. never went back. what can i say? i prefer white guys. and no amount of guilt-tripping from you angry asian men and angry-asian-women-who-worship-angry-asian-men is going to stop me from dating and sleeping with white guys.

sure, i admit there are some asian guys who are physically attractive. doesnt mean I’M attracted to him though. are you going to force me to be attracted to an asian man, just because im an asian woman, and its my “duty” to give sex and services to men of my own race? hell fucking no.

sorry if you think im a freak for dating someone whos not my own race. doesnt mean im turning my back on my asian heritage. i find white guys attractive. not a crime.

asian men hate me (duh) because im some pretty asian girl on the outside, but a loudmouthed rudeass white girl on the inside – oh, and because i wont have sex with them.

asian women (some, not all) hate me because they worship asian men. asian men should have all their needs and desires fulfilled! if they want to have sex with me, i goddamn should take my clothes off and let him penetrate me! thats my duty to my country, to my heritage, to my race, to my people, to my –

maybe you’re jealous because no white guy would ever even THINK of banging a nerdy asian girl like you. guess you have to make do with the asian men! have fun with that haha

dadk

Why are you so damn angry chink bitch? Hahahaha!

bitchyouneedtherapy

Speaking of self hating asian women who only date white….

Eric

lindy Why are you so angry and you started dating when you was 12?
I do not hate you, I just feel sorry for you, not because you having a white
boyfriend. It is because you sound like you have a lot of emotional pain.
Nothing is wrong for falling in love with the white boyfriend as long as you
are actually loving for him and not because he is white.

graider2

you sound fucked up as hell with the way you talk. LOL

no I would never date a girl who approach thing like you regardless you are asian or white or hot or ugly. that is just fucked up and sound dump as hell as a person.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

You’re probably an ugly troll who has to make do with small, limp white dicks. No Asian woman who “loves banging white guys” plural is even remotely attractive.

Justice

Lindy, you will likely be murdered someday. But it won’t be by an asian-whore hating chinese guy like myself. It’ll be by the hands of a white man, the most psychopathic men of all.

whitemale

Never seen a stupidest bitch like you have fun getting used up

carrie

the twenty first century and you blacks are still playing the race card.

YourHusband

funny how those nerdy asian girls are hotter than you are and actually have class. just admit it, you’re one of those bitchy ugly asians that isn’t good enough for asian men lol

azaxy

all people equal. end of story.

johny ace

Bottom line is white women aren’t worth dating they hate men and want to dominate men in every way plus only pick the tallest best looking men because they are so shallow. This is the number 1 reason white men date Asian women I know because I’ve been with my Chinese girl for 3 years now and its the best relationship I’ve ever had

No.

LMAO Because you would date a woman you’re not attracted to, hence why you’re dating Asian women. Who are you kidding here? Dude, you’re another hypocrite standing in line here. Since when are White women not allowed to date men they are attracted to? Or you’re mad because they’re not picking you over the more attractive guys? You think you’re somehow entitled to their attention? Seriously, go grab that John Rambo and Craig’s hands and all three of you, go have a threesome or something. lol

Jimmy

I am an African American living in NYC and it sickens me to see the amount of White men with asian women. I would sit on the train and watch the white man sitting across from me inappropiately touching and groping his asian concubine. If this was Japan, the Japanese female would be screaming out “chikan” (pervert) and the cops would haul his butt away. I have seen this on many occasions and with various levels of white men (from white men who think they are adequately dressed in wife beaters to white men in business suits). There is no push back from the Asian girl it is just accepted. In addition, I have had a chinese coworker tell me directly how chinese girls go for white men because they are top of the mountain so I should not even focus on chinese women (I work at a Brokerage firm and make decent money). In my last case, I dated an asian girl once and once her parents found out they told her off and banned her from seeing me. They did not even want to know about my personality or accomplishments, just wanted me out of the picture. She fought for a moment, then caved and I was replaced with a white guy who from what I saw, did not have any poise or standing. I have much more stories but I will spare this board them. At the end of the day I do not see the love between the white male and asian female (which should be narrowed to mainly chinese because the Japanese surprisingly are more open) this seems more like an exchange for subservience for status and making their chinese family and friends proud kind of deal.

TacoDude

I am a white male, my personal preference is that I find asian more attractive that then white women and others. So I would persue them first before the others. But I would date any race; black, indian, middle eastern, etc. The home run for me though would be the right personality for me no matter what race they are.

redstars

Ya gotta love these asian women …you know…they talk that valley girl talk….they try to be ‘strong’ asian women (you know, to buck the stereotype)…they love to talk in that feminist psuedo-intellectual way about how tired they are of stereotypes of asian women…how tired they are of men with yellow fever…and then 9 times out of 10, who are these women dating?! WHITE MEN! But you gotta hand it to these women…they are very sly.

You see, but going on and on about how ‘rampant’ yellow fever is (and really, is it that rampant, or rather are a good number of these men just taking advantage of what these women are so freely throwing at these white men?)?….but they go on and on about how much they dislike men with yellow fever. You see, this then puts all the focus on the MEN. Course these women will then follow it up with ‘but thank god MY white boyfriend isn’t like that!’. But still, they’ve already planted the idea in people’s minds that if these women dislike being objectified because of their race, that they couldn’t POSSIBLE be guilty of that same thing themselves…of objectifying white men….of being attracted to their boyfriend/husband primarily because of his whiteness.

These women are absolute hypocrites. Often they are serial white boy daters and will then say things like ‘oh, it’s just a preference’ or ‘asian boys are just too shy’ (though oddly enough if these same women had no choice and were only around asian men, suddenly they’d find themselves capable of finding an asian boy who wasn’t so shy). But if the asian women have white men to chase after, then they can give all kinds of explanations as to how they too ended up with a white guy.

One time I was walking down the street with an AF/WM couple. Another AF/WM couple walked towards us and then passed us, and once they passed the AF I was with mumbled ‘white wolf’. I asked her what she meant by that and she said ‘I’m tired of white guys fetishizing asian women.’ And here SHE was, with a WHITE GUY herself. I was just floored. It seemed pretty clear to me that she (like many asian women) has her own misgivings about why they like white men so much, but they just are in complete denial, and so put all the focus on the men and this supposedly rampant yellow fever.

Sure some guys have a thing for asian women naturally but for many others, they only have the fetish only because they know asian women have a thing for THEM. It’s a no brainer really. If you are an average white guy you can get an asian woman WAY easier than you could a white woman. Why else do you think so many loser white guys go to asia to look for ‘love’? It’s like taking candy from a baby.

asian women are essentially whores for the non-asian men of the world

Chinese guy

I completely agree with you on the issue of Asian women seeking attention by complaining about the yellow fever phenomenon. It goes the same for Blonde women if you have noticed. Blonde women are often more opinionated/argumentative because they want to defeat the dumb blonde stereotype but what they are actually doing is advertising their blonde hair while complaining/trying to appear smart. Women love attention. Asian women are really frail both mentally and physically and are easy pickings for non-Asian men. While we Asian men tend to be less aggressive and forward on non-Asian women because our culture emphasizes social harmony.

haha listen to all of these angry asian dudes who talk about things that don’t even make sense. i
don’t really care about this shitz anyway.i’m black and asian women are
butt ugly. i came here cos saw the link on someone’s twitta

the racist things works both ways. I’m white and engaged to a Taiwanese girl who never got married because she was told she looks too Asian. She began to look for other races of men to date and found me. I’m white but have lived in Korea for many years and here the Korean men are dating and marrying foriegn women more often than the women here. It used to be the other way around, but I guess the men go thier revenge. I have a full Korean son(adopted) and I worry about him in America and the way they treat Asian men in the media. But, he has already decided he wants to marry a blond haired blue eyed girl, lol. As I said, it goes both ways.

kuke

thanks for the post. you seem like the type that is not racist and actually cares about the culture of the girl you are going to marry. congrats!

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Wow, a rare 1/100th white guy who isn’t a douchebag.

kyle

I’ll fix that. Fuck you, this guy is a loser.

Madashell

I don’t feel that way about Asian women only Chinese whores that become fucken home wreckers. Devastating a marriage of 21 yrs and their two children’s lives.

Madashell

I’d like to add that my husband is Jewish. Not ex yet, in divorce process.

TheSpeakerOfTruth

Sorry about that Madashell. It’s too bad we’re too politically correct to abort or kill these slutty gold diggers who ruin marriages, but they are lowlife scum. Asian women who go after white men are so ugly that none of us wants them … someone should have done the socially responsible thing and dumped that cumdumpster into a landfill along with the other trash. I feel for you and your kids.

R. Rask

Falling in love or just a relationship should be color blind. I am married to an Asian woman and did not know anything about her before we met. She is the love of my life. All i see is a very pretty woman that loves me and makes me happy and let’s me make her life happy as well.

There are tradeoffs in any relationship. White men may seem cool and sexy when they’re young, but whites age much faster than Asians. This means that when they reach middle age, they begin to look much older than most Asian women of the same age. That’s why you see these old white men with Asian women who look young enough to be their daughter. They may actually be the same age, but he is no longer young and sexy looking, while she still is. This can lead to some awkward situations for both the man and the woman. Also, statistically Asian men have more education and earn more money than their white counterparts. This might not seem important when you’re young, but once you get married, have kids, and are struggling to make ends meet and figure out how to pay for your kids’ college education, this suddenly becomes very important. And there is the white stereotype of Asian women as exotic and submissive to deal with. This is not to say that Asian women should not pair with white men. There are many happy and successful Asian woman / white man couples, just as there are many happy and successful Asian woman / Asian man couples and white woman / white man couples. The key is to understand the trade offs, and to be clear in your own mind what you want and what you are willing to trade off for.

australian_roy44

i love asian woman , there never to fat and know how to trat a man with no quarms , they are pasionate and very pleasant when in company , at the moment i have no partner but a asian woman would suite me more so than a aussie girl

yip

you can rationalize all you want with your pseudo-intellectual
pseudo-asian feminist rantings….the fact remains that when one sees
clear TRENDS in inter-racial dating/marriage, there can be no denying
that self-hate and/or racial stereotyping are coming into play.
Otherwise, we’d see more VARIETY in the inter-racial couplings out
there. But no…asian women ‘dating out’ tops it all, with black men
‘dating out’ being a distant second. Rationalize all you want, but
clearly many people are NOT color blind, and even when one is in an
inter-racial relationship, one can be racist (against one’s one race
and/or ‘pro’ another race due to racial stereotypes)

if people make certain assumptions when they see yet another asian women
with a non-asian guy….if people make certain assumptions when they see
yet another black pro-basketball player with a non-black wife…it’s
probably because they have their eyes wide open….whereas the
particular parties involved are usually in complete denial (i.e., oh
WE’RE not racist….my man and I don’t see each other’s race….WE fell
in love for X, Y or Z…..maybe some of those OTHER inter-racial couples
got together because of race….but not us…..it’s never US…always
those other couples….) lol

Gerard

I’m Caucasion, and married a Chinese woman. My wife was dumped by her first husband, who left her with a baby. That irresponsible behavior made him the scum of the earth, to harm a childs’ life in this way. She came to the USA to escape, because vile gossip and slander in her tiny country of Taiwan was so damaging and hurtful. I met her here in California, liked her right away, (She was not my “first time”, but she was my FIRST and only asian girlfriend) I provided a stable environment for her and her child, who is 32 now, and we have a beautiful daughter together who is 26 now. My daughter experienced racism from school peers in this mostly white community, but since she is good looking and gracious, she rose above it. We have been married for 28 years, and still going strong. Only comment I have, is that at least this one Chinese woman I married is lacking in desire, spontaneity, and natural affection. I’m not sure if this is because she “settled” for me as a recovery choice, or if it’s an Asian tendency. I often wonder how things would would have gone in this regard if I had married someone else. But we mesh well in travel, dinning and cooking, home building, humor and business. You don’t get everything in life sometimes, but hopefully, you get enough to make it workable. We live near Los Angeles. When we got married in 1983, there weren’t many mixed couples, but now there are so many, it’s like “who cares” anymore. I like that! No more stares from the reactionary whites. Let freedom ring. I also see quite a few Asian men and caucasion women around, good for them I support anyone’s decision to marry outside of their race, no matter which way they go.

bahaha who would want to be with an asian woman….they soooo gross. and this board is just full of bunch of angry asian men (who post under different names/genders). Come to LA and see all da BLACK and asian couples..bet that will make you racist ASIAN men get pretty mad huh? asian women want a real man and asian men dont fit this category at all

anon

haha, niggers are racist too eh? Wonder why they complain all the time about racism towards them?

josh

The last paragraph is reasonable, but in reality, many white males and Asian women do encourage Asian women to break up with Asian men and don’t think it’s ridiculous. If an Asian man encourages an Asian woman to break up with a white man, people would consider the Asian man angry or hostile. But white men and Asian women are always encouraging Asian women to break up with Asian men and try dating white guys and everybody is okay with it and nobody categorizes the male as Angry White guy or the female as Angry Asian Woman. The society is definitely tougher on Asian men and it really won’t get fixed until Asian men become the rich super power in world and control Hollywood and the media. I would blame the problem more on the Asian women though who are more willing to desire money and power from the white culture. White men are just going after the women that are easy to have sex with. If the women who worshiped w/m were aliens from mars who had sex with them on the first 3 dates, you can guarantee that you will see more w/m and mars alien female couples.

Girlyouknow

More and more asian women who are open to interracial dating are dating more latinos, black and indian men. Also asian americans are getting together with asian americans. We are becoming more equal. It is still not common, but how to you explain mixed asians like Tyrese Gibson, Naomi Campbell, Tiger Woods…
Times continue to change. I’m part of the aw-wm couplings, tho I pursued other types of relationships before finding my guy.

Girlyouknow

This was a well thought out article. I agree with your points but even those relationships are sickening, embarrassing..people shouldn’t think they have a right to put others down no matter how whack it is. It might make others think badly of all asian women/white men pairings but so what? Why do people care so much?
In a few years they are going to say asians want to be black, asians want to be latino, or if they are not dating interracial, they’re cliquy. I appreciate your post on the matter but it’s going to become dated soon.

Guest

look I dont care who you love or fuck all I care about is my own livelihood. So you perfer this and feel so damn entilted you effin blondes too…. black women suck anad you latinas. so moral of my typing who gives a shit live your own damn lives and get the eff off my back. Stupid superficial vain unhappy people who think EVERYONE OWES YOU. you all suck and I just want to work, go home take a lady poo then do the same garbage again.

Steve

Nice perspective

alexac

Hi Christine, I saw your blog http://shanghaishiok.com/. I noticed that your mentioned a fews times about Asian women/ White men couples. I would like to give some input, hope it helps. I’m an Asian woman living in CA.In CA there is alot of Asian women/white men couples. I had been insulted at times by different people(black,Asian, mexican ,and Jewish) because they all think that I had relations and prefer or only prefer white men . I think Asian women/ white men get togther together for many diffrent reasons, just like anyone else. So it could be for good, bad, neutral reasons.
Bascially from my expreince you get people who would assume that Asian women who get with white men are doing it with bad intentions and vice versa.

GatsbyC

Don’t forget people in CA are some of the most shallow you’ll ever meet. LA has truly warped me

Soriya Tang

Hello, this is a true story.My hubby studied in Europe and he had a chance to go to Japan to teach English. The people who were really looking forward to going to Japan were the people who had a hard time greeting attention from the opposite sex, not good looking(compared to other Europeans ), and openly had fetish(s) for Asians. I think this is one of the few reasons why there are more and more Asian women/white men couples.

Some White men who are in relationships with Asian women are bitter towards white women and Asian women being bitter about Asian men.

I was kinda Angry because people assume I had a fetish for white men basically because I’m Asian and living in CA,which have alot of Asian Women/ white men couples.

I don’t find most of the white guys with Asian women attractive in CA or in Europe (not to my taste). Or the Asian women with White men Attractive In Europe OR Ca(not to my taste). You can argue that beauty is the eye of the beholder and that there are Universal beauty standards when it come to human beauty.Argue all you want but I don’t find the couples I mentioned earlier attractive.Maybe they are nice people?(Well not all ugly and average people are nice and not all attractive people have no morals)

My parents go to Asia every few years.My mother collect Asian magazines from Asia. I used to get my hair done in a Chinese beauty salon. When looking at different Asian magazines I see a trend. Basically White and mixed Asian/white people are usually the only non- full Asian people on Ads.

All the above a few reason why more and more Asian women/ white men couples

Joseph G

RE: “Caucasian features are more attractive compared to the round face, olive skin, small squinty eyes Asian guys have”

Uh, olive skin is a Caucasian feature (Italians, Greeks, etc.). Asians are often pretty much the same complexion as Caucasians anyway (I don’t know where this notion of “yellow skin” comes from; it seems to me Asians are more or less the same hue as Europeans; East Asians anyway.).

Federal Duck

I come to this from a unique position.

I’m a nice, decent white guy who has desired an Asian girlfriend since about 1987, LONG before it became the hot trend it is today, and for the past few years, seeing a CM/AF couple or two (or three) on every block of my city (Philadelphia) at all hours of any given day quite frankly makes me very upset as I wonder just what the hell is wrong with me. My longtime black friend (who also loves Asian women) is jealous of me, even as he sees there is no reason to be since nobody wants me anyway despite my whiteness.

I know about the Asian fetish thing, but for me, as an artist, it is all about aesthetics. And I have found beyond any doubt that all women are the same, no matter what their color. It really is all about looks, height, and money. Men who have nothing but good intentions, intellect and a sense of humor have no choice but to either kill themselves or learn to love their solitude.

Just a guy

Did it ever occur to you that the white guy married an Asian woman because he feels sorry for her?

wendi

i use to have the thought that AFs were gold diggeres or dependant on the WMs. Perhaps i was afraid to be in that group because of my parents, and thus used it as an excuse. Now, karma is a real butthead, and im dating a WM.

I had lame experiences
with occupied and plenty of fish but recently I tried globogirls.com and I
found very suitable matches there. I loved their traveling destinations too.

Proud Asian Guy

I live in Australia and it’s the NORM. Asian women have no pride or
loyalty in their own race. Hitler was right all along. I’ve read
countless blogs written by Asian females on just this topic. No Asian
females even write in to defend Asian guys. It’s a fact that Asian women
are the most likely of all females to date outside their race. They
hate Asian guys. You write as if you’re some sort of victim. The real question should be “why do Asian women reject Asian guys”?

Asian Egalitarian

The author alludes to that question in her article, and even goes through her own internal thought process to make sure she isn’t falling for media-induced prejudice against Asian men. She is also a victim of the WM/AF phenomenon like many Asian men, though not to the same extent/type. The real question you posed has a real answer, which is steeped in colonialism, racism, and the products and images we consume in the media. However, we have not reached a real solution to this problem yet.

if a black woman wrote this about black men she would be condemned as a racist. But this sort of attitude toward Asian men is not only tolerated, but is a source of pride for women like these.

Matt

Agree with much of what you say, but- is it really the responsibility of any individual in a relationship to make the general public feel better about themselves? There is a definite element here of “white man’s burden” too- that any white guy with an asian “better half” is obviously a control freak with a bad dose of yellow fever. I get it all the time (I’m white British, living in China, my better half is Indonesian but lots of Chinese assume she’s native.) I suppose if you’re sensitive enough to pick up on that, ironically, you’re unlikely to conform to that stereotype. I suspect few actually do conform to the negative sterotype, aside from young folks playing the field, but that’s the nature of sterotypes unfortunately.

Chicho Blanco

Put me in the don’t care category. There are beautiful people of all races. I’ve dated women of many different races. There are some cultural differences but in the end people are people.

Arasian

Interesting article, as you’ve mentioned some Asian females are ashamed of being Asian, but don’t realise that they’ll have kids that’ll partly or fully look like her side of the family – this is where trouble begins I guess. However, I have a friend who’s half Thai-Vietnamese-Chinese and who’s currently with a half Italian-Turkish man, but she’s like you (author) who doesn’t shun her race, while her brother exclusively dates whites (EU/US/and other Caucasian races) and doesn’t seem to be that into Asian women but rather MidEastern & Latinas & the list above… So there you go.
As for me, I am an Arab girl who likes Asian men, they’re so handsome, charming, and respectful, which is something I never really found in any other race, even my own. White men can be cool, but not as much as Asian men generally speaking. I think Asian men have as much to give as other races, if not way more. Yes, a lot more, love y’all boys!

Summer Baby

I am quite happy how open minded some of these stories are. I am also an Asian girl who is now dating a smart and amazing Caucasian guy who treats me with equality. Before you start branding me as some white-washed sperm rag, I’d like to tell you some things about myself.
I was raised in the diverse Asian community of Hawaii. I was born in San Francisco, and after my dad had finished school in LA to become a doctor, my parents decided to move back to their home in Honolulu to settle down and start their practice there. My family is quite well off, so please don’t think that I’m just a gutter rat Asian who chases white men only because of their money and status. I know that that stereotype might be 100% true to you, but I will assure you that I am not only after money and that there are many other Asian girls who are the same. Hawaii is also a great place for interracial couples, because the people here are accepting to mixing unlike the mainland. No matter if you’re black and dating someone white, or if you’re Asian and dating someone black, they really don’t care. My parents personally do not have a problem with me dating white men or black men, just as long as he is overall a good, caring man with a good family. Before, I thought my preference was white men, but I began to realize that that wasn’t the case. I only thought it was my preference because of the few whites that I have dated before. I laid down and began to think about all the different colored men who I have dated and who I have had crushed on, and realized that I did not find only white men attractive. I personally don’t have any problem with Asian girls or Asian men stating that they only like whites, because it’s really none of my business what they find attractive or who they are personally comfortable with. I only have a problem if they bring down each other by only pointing out both of their flaws instead of helping each other up. I find it quite pathetic and depressing when few angry Asian men online call Asian women whores or disrespectful for dating white men, yet when an Asian man prefers only white girls, they think it’s acceptable and a huge victory for all Asian guys. Us Asian women do not have to worship Asian dick to show our love for our culture. I am happy about my Chinese and Japanese side. I love dating outside my race because I love learning about different cultures, but that does not mean that I have a problem dating Asian men.

Ranzou

So you act like you’re a foreigner even though you are American? Wow, nice to already know your true thoughts.

4) If a White guy is very successful getting Blonde’s, VERY rarely does he settle for an Asian…

Toni

I agree with your reasoning here. I am a white professional man and I tell my Asian male co-workers to try dating White girls only,as that will put them in an equal footing vs Asian females who date white guys. Also,by dating White women only,they can experience the same perceived social status that Asian women who date White men enjoy! Don’t you agree with me in this solution? Maybe in your future Blogs You should encourage Asian men to date White women only,or at least by preference.
Obviously,they might engage in the same vicious perspective of putting Asian females down with their White girlfriends. Equal rights I would say.

Toni

The biggest disappointment Asian women who marry us White guys have is that they expect and dream that the love child will look mostly Caucasian or if at all possible “white”. But the cruel reality is that Asian blood(it’s second in strength to Black) is strong and the child will still look mostly Asian. My Japanese ex-wife experienced that “heartache” and even thought it was my fault: “I wasn’t White enough”or “100% White” I am half Irish-Italian!

Thriving Truth

What ever! The immature ignorants that accept this false (created crap by the oligarchy) non sense of there being different racial categories have just bought into the FALSE SCIENCE shoved down our throats by an oligarchal system that only desire to keep people distracted, divided, and looking at people in terms of ‘us’ and ‘them’. This is the way the oligarch’s maintain control and power over societies… I never have, do NOT, and never will buy into this lie, deceit and false science of Humanity. WAKE THE F*** UP! We are all homosapiens that exist on this tiny planet located in the cosmos, their IS only one race on this little blue planet that we all exist: HOMOSAPIEN! How boring the world would be if everyone was black, or white, or red or yellow or brown skinned! Like having a genome of kanine’s but they were all poodles without diversity, or every fish was a tuna, or every tree was a pine tree… Come on, this is the 21st century! The so called ‘race’ crapola is soooo old and all played out! I say we all do away with this BS that was buried deep in false science (non factual of earths nature), reject this lie that societies have bought into from the past. EVOLVE, face the FACT that we homosapiens inhabit a place we call earth, and in the REAL scheme of things, we are just a speck in the cosmos. THAT IS A FACT! Realize it! Embrace TRUTH. Un-plug yourself from this oligarchal matrix that they have spun to have you accept utter non sense, and this includes many different systems of control i.e. monetary systems etc.. I am NOT of mind set of being a ‘nationalist’. I am one spirit with a body co-existing on this planet among a diverse group of homosapiens. There is but ONE race; The Human Race. I believe in, nor accept any ‘artificially’ created borders on this planet. I pledge allegiance to NO nation, but to the cosmos in which we exist. I hope the day of TRUTH will dawn upon this world, and we may all ‘thrive’ together as one humanity that is beautifully diverse.

Thriving Truth

This planet has a nature of life. Regardless of all the mis and dis-information that has brainwashed you with false facts and science… Ther is but ONE race on the globular planet; The Human Race… and thankfully, it is diverse and beautiful

Thriving Truth

Time for the TRUTH, an awakening of consciousness.

Thriving Truth

order’s on this planet are man made… not of the nature of this planet.

well they will without a doubt treat us much better than American Women do.

Demosthenes

Look I may be late to this party but I feel like here the underlying deal with all of this hate flung around. First of all 15-24 year old Asian women have some of the highest suicide rates for that age group, coming in just below Native American women who are dealing with a much poorer economic status, living on reservations etc. The reality is that in most Eastern Asian cultures, up until very very recently women were treated as property. Some girls were not even named, they were given numbers because they were chattel. The idea that women are equals, dating, etc. was only forced onto these countries by the unstoppable force of Westernization. These ideas have not been adapted seamlessly and the old ideas have not been fully exorcised.

What this has created is a fucked up culture which persists within immigrant communities in America. Asian males used to be the most prized possession their parents could possibly have. This attitude is still imbued into most Asian males whether they are American or not. Even in the U.S. as Asian parents have more children, the more and more uneven the male/female birth rate becomes as they abort girls to have a son.

But in Western culture, Asian males do not have the status their parents gave them even as they were fetuses in the womb. This creates dissonance and anger. They want the power and status that they were implied to have been promised. They see White men that have what they supposedly want and were always meant to have and they get angry.

But understand that it is not so simple as Asian women “sucking” to explain their actions. If you grew up in a society that insisted high rigorous standards for your own conduct, appearance and personal freedoms but demanded less of your male peers would you stay in it if you had a choice to escape into something perceived to be better?

This is the crux of it all. Asian women are unhappy in their youth because of very high demands but following them ultimately gains them low respect and status in their own society. They are raised to worship power by their own families as a way of justifying these high demands.

When the option arises for them to date a high power status White man who does not appear to want to treat them as rigidly second-class as their male Asian peers, why wouldn’t they take up that option?

Meanwhile Asian males believe that they have a right to the high status that was promised to them by their parent’s and their society’s favoritism. They are obviously furious and want to otherize the Asian females who don’t want to date them or that have a White boyfriend.

The reality is that both parties are losing under the forces of racism coming from Asian and Western society. They are both losing to sexism and ignorance. The better way to deal with this instead of generating a lot of self-hate within Asian communities for perceived slights is to try to understand other people better and accept that there are people who will continue to be ignorant.

Tearing the community apart through hatred like this isn’t tackling the real problem which is that unfair treatment of people by race or gender cannot be justified. If Asians want to be treated well by others they have to stop the blatant hatred of Blacks. If women want to be treated equally they have to stop demanding more from men than they are willing to reciprocate.

charlibaltimoreTLKG

There are two issues. The first is that no other culture looks up to another culture for affirmation the way that Asians look up to White people. Not even Blacks need the affirmation of Whites to feel a sense of self-worth — in fact, most, especially Black men, think Black is pretty damn cool. The second is that although Caucasian features are often touted as the standard of beauty and many minorities of both sexes augment their appearance to get closer to this standard, in no other ethnic group is it as prevalent or extreme as it is with Asians. Say all you want about Black men dating White women for status or Black women who lighten their skin and straighten their hair and such, but no group other than Asian (namely Asian women) has internalized self-hatred to the point that they will date and/or marry a member of another race (White, of course) before one of their own. It is truly, truly pathetic and that’s why, despite all your education and wealth – equal to or perhaps greater that Whites – you get no power and you get no respect.

Michael Ejercito

Do you have any proof that Asians in general (as opposed to a small minority) seek affirmation from whites.

John

I have a cultural/aesthetic preference for white girls.

Asian women have small breasts and small butts. Trust me, I know..

White women are much more physically attractive and curvy compared to Asian women.

Asian women are nerds and geeks and quiet losers.

Asian women are cold fish.

White girls are taller, hot and sexy, while Asian girls are just sticks.

I will never date an Asian woman, I only date white girls.

I can’t date Asian women because they’re look like my sisters.

Caucasian features are more attractive compared to the round face, olive skin, small squinty eyes Asian girls have.

Isabel Phalange Quan

Yeah right and you are A Level RACIST.

JealousyofmyBeautifulFamily?

SOME White men love Asian women. Some Asian women love White men. That’s life. What is your obsession with the activities of White people? Somehow Whites are better or worse than you?? Grow up!

White/Asian babies are beautiful! I would know.

Matthew Garton

This article is complete trash. Anyone can marry / date whoever they want and it’s no one’s business but their own. The judgement of others is meaningless. Friends and Family matter but they will accept it if they really care.
Honestly, if I was her (the author’s) boyfriend and I saw this article, it would creep me out. It just sounds racist and creepy.

roaming

Christina (Anna Akana) is my hero! For once an Asian woman stands up to a white guy and gives him the punishment he so richly deserved. Yes, it’s a skit, but she really kicks some white guy ass. And yes in real life they do ask if things are “slanted.” Disgusting. Check out the video.

But in real she only date white guys and she currently with a white guy. She is a white worshipping bigoted Asian woman.

Michael Ejercito

Maybe it is only white guys that moisten her.

Others always bet on black.

Derek

The white male has been conned to think that he would be able to marry a loving caring Chinese female.
This is the propaganda in the West. However they are not much of a wife at all, and people are seeing their true colours.

It seems that word of the fakeness and materialism of the Chinese female is finaly filtering out into western society.
Maybe soon the Chinese women will have to start treating their Chinese men properly and behave themselves, if they want a decent husband.

primepeng

Just one important good and bad outcome of having interracial marriage between wm/af (rarely am/wf) is that although it could bring the world closer together , it would also destroy the pure gene of white race and slow down the science and technological development.

AkuAndoryū Tru-Dru Harrison

Most Asian Women prefer White Men. Just look at that Right Wing Bigot Mitch McConnell his Wife is Asian…Asian Women will find a good man of Colour that likes her, and when he has his self together they will still choose to only go with White Men they just have an Inferior Complex about themselves all while disrespecting people of Colour by making fun of them and wearing Blackfaces…Asian Women are the Oppressors best friend and are no different than them as far as I’ am concerned. I see Asian men are smart they date any Ethnic Group I see most of them are with Black Women so you know that Asian Men are on point and have Swag something that Asian women don’t have. Asian Women will noit be seen with a Black Man unless he is Rich & Famous, she has something to gain, or she is benefiting from the Relationship..sorry to tell the Truth but they are nothing, but Tricked out Wannabe White Women,and yet they are descendants of Black Africans that Migrated to East Asia in the Ancient Times! SELLOUTS!!

TAKE5

I understand your frustration , but you sound like a frustrated child my man. If your unable to get an “Asian woman” it’s your fault. seriously, you need to look inside your self and see what your doing to make yourself unattractive to these women. Sorry bud, fact of the matter is your going to be rejected by some Asian women because of color , but why would you want to be with a bitch like that anyway? Fact of the matter is a confident and black man can pull an Asian woman from a white guy any time he wants. There are Asian girls who are willing to date outside of their race and make that choice a black man. I almost want to say are you kidding me that you can’t date an Asian woman? I could go on and on but the fault is your, it’s you , not Asian women. Also understand that blacks are only 13% of the population, your not going to see many bm/af relationship as you will wm/af. The numbers alone don’t support that visual your looking for. You can be rejected by a Black girl just as easily as an Asian. The reason is not your color….you have to get off that trip . Let the white guys think that Asian wemon just don’t like Black guys..who cares…hahah. It’s the same group of guys who used to think there sisters weren’t attracted to Black men….and we know that’s a lie

Lisa Novar

You obviously don’t come from a larger city. White men are the “lions” so to speak of all the ethnicities. They can have any woman of any ethnic group they desire – easily black women too.

TAKE5

Lisa, not sure what coming from a larger city has to do with my comments. Black men can have a woman of any ethnic group as well – including white women. which by now is old news. For the record I grew up in Los Angeles. and traveled to Asia and Europe.

It ain’t my Fault Asian Women are Brainwashed and many other Asian Women already been hitting on me, but they live far overseas. Asian Women aren’t my Problem it’s Asian-American Women over 437,000 are Trying to make themselves White and are too Eurocentric to know who they are and where they came from Brenda Song is the best Example of how Asian-American Women are the biggest Sellouts, but I see several African-American Women doing the same these days.

Take5

Dude, if that is your starting point then I cant help you. No woman of any color owes any man a date. I have met a few black men that only date white women. This thing works both ways. Your expectations of an “Asian American” woman may be twisted, they are just women. If your resenting them that much or think so little about them maybe they can pick it up in your nonverbal.

Guy

The stereotype that White men have a preference for Asian women is annoying and offensive. I’ve been generalized as creepy, a pedophile, sexist, etc. because some men have a preference.

When are people going to ask why it’s socially acceptable to over-analyze this kind of relationship and not others?

I prefer women with a good personality. There are beautiful women everywhere. The internet isn’t reality. Nobody is the same, everyone is an individual. Don’t get it twisted.

Michael Ejercito

Some men (Asian or otherwise) are simply hardened by the skin and eye features of Asian women. There is nothing wrong with that.

And some men always bet on black. there is nothing wrong with that.

Guest

I’m white, and I like an asian girl; I want to date her. By the sounds of this article your trying to accuse us of having some fetish, yellow fever, some other bs, etc. The girl I like simply has values I respect, I can trust her, that is the most important thing to me. There are plenty of white, black, brown girls, etc, that are trustworthy, I happen to like an asian girl, and now I can see there are people like you about that will label us so superficially. My mother cheated on my dad with the neighbourhood asshole when I was 5, he was abroad working at the time, my mom is a white (former party girl), and it ruined my entire childhood; I found someone I know I can trust, and the ethnicity has nothing to do with it. So I’m going to go be happy now while you sulk in racist bs that will only segregate people more. If everyone here is so racist then I wonder why us whites who can hold onto the power for one more hour don’t just fucking ruin the world more anyways, right? When the power is passed to the asians we will see the same thing over and over again; we may as well end it now and nuke everyone who doesn’t have the same [melanin] in their skin, correct? I hate racists this is so fucking backwards, FUCK you.

If you try to adjust your feelings to some social standard, then your doing it wrong, whether it be with white, black, indian, asian, european, latino, WHOEVER! And fuck your parents opinion we are basically the last generation indulge in life as you want just keep your principles and be nice to others. No more racist bs please.

WardMD

I’m a white guy, and the only “white” girls I’ve dated were Jewish and Armenian. I PREFER Asian and Hispanic women (my wife of 31 years is [was] Mexican). I don’t THINK it’s a “fetish” thing, I just prefer the features of Asians, Hispanics (okay, and Pacific Islanders). I guess it’s a brunette thing.

It has been my (first hand) observation (albeit anecdotally) that the most intense feelings of racism were from (some) Asian Parents.

I was (first) engaged to a Chinese girl from Hong Kong, and her parents “hated” me – probably NOT because I was white, but because I was engaged to their daughter (their “little girl”). I moved to Texas and she was going to UCLA (and she met someone else, whom she married). What was REALLY awkward was her younger sister wanted to date me (under “normal” circumstances, I would have LOVED to have dated her, but I just couldn’t see being in a relationship with the sister of my ex-fiancé).

SO, to all you inter-rationally inclined – GO FOR IT!

If YOU love him (for other than “fetish”, etc. reasons), your parents/family should come to find out what you have found out about him, and accept him!

I wish you all Peace, Love and Happiness!

Crayven

I’m part of B….or i want to strongly believe i am.
Haven’t tried to hook up with AW yet – but hey it the sparks fly, who knows :)

Meanwhile don’t be hatin’

Also the old dudes with young women…hmm…kinda weird for some reason…i guess it’s my upbringing to blame but it seems awkward.

Master

The Chinese men (not all, some) trying to convince their women that White men don’t really love them but have some fetish are pitiful and probably very insecure. Funnily enough it is widely considered among Chinese men that having a pretty, thin, blonde with blue eyes White girlfriend or wife is the quintessence of life.

Basically:
“Come on Asian men date outside of your race! You can do it! If you can get a White girlfriend you are a winner!”

“Why are you White man dating Asian women? You must be a loser who can’t get White women haha!”

When logic is illogic.

People should be able to date whoever they want and not be judged by anyone else. There are good and bad people in every races, try to see people as individuals and not “White VS Asian VS Blacks VS ,,.”. Also mind your own business and stop blaming some men for their choices.

My partner is Chinese, and very pretty by local standards, everyday I can see local men giving us angry looks for absolutely no other reason than being a mixed couple. Do I care? No.

If your life suck and you can’t find a partner please don’t blame it on other people, we are working hard to reduce the differences between races through blood mixing. What you are doing (spreading hate and false statements) is only widening the gap.

Fdf

It really sucks to date Asian women,. Defending my kind my ass you Asian woe,n are full of insecurities and always try to complicate things around ,. Why can’t you shave your pubic hair for godsake,.nwhy can’t you be honest

Jamie Driscoll

There is one big problem with your blog. You spend most of it either defending the fact that you date a white man, or show your distaste to asian women who date white guys for the ‘wrong’ reasons. Fact is, you ARE dating a white guy. Justify your reasons for being in this relationship any way you want, but the fact that you are already throws negativity towards asian men, because asian men don’t have the option that you do when it comes to choice of ethnicity of the partner they date, yet you do.

Michael Ejercito

Justify your reasons for being in this relationship any way you want, but the fact that you are already throws negativity towards asian men, because asian men don’t have the option that you do when it comes to choice of ethnicity of the partner they date, yet you do.

Proof?

Jason Picton

butthurt asiam male lol

Chew Bacca

I don’t get what the problem is. I date who I want, not the choices others pick for me. At the end of the day, it’s who I go to bed with and who I wake up with, and no one has to live with it but me. I honestly don’t care who dates who. That is thier business as is who I date is mine.

Michael Ejercito

Only some of the time, I imagine.

jeff

I hate asian women

SuicidalHapa

I am half Asian, my mother was a white worshipping whore who is dead now, and I’m going to kill myself.

I’m in a marriage like this. I’m a “white guy” and my wife is Vietnamese. And no, I wasn’t specifically looking for an Asian girl when I met her in school. We met in a tutoring lab during college. One thing led to another and we got married.

We have two kids. A son and daughter. My daughter looks more Asian than my son, although you can see the mix background in him too.

A couple of things I noticed are, people seem to be hung up on this situation more when the couple is young. We got a few looks from people when we were younger. The looks came from mostly white people. But the bigger disapproval came from my friend’s family who seemed to think white people and Asians shouldn’t hook up. He was also Vietnamese. I specifically remember a look of disapproval from his older sister, when I told her my girlfriend was Vietnamese. She never said a word, but it was all in her expression. My friend also expressed disapproval once. To this day, I wonder why it was OK for me to be friends with him, but it wasn’t OK that my girl friend was Vietnamese.

In any case, people seem to care less about this as the couple gets older. I think maybe there’s some type of threat mechanism triggered when people see young folks from their own backgrpund dating and or marrying across racial lines. Although this is all subsiding in the 21st century to a degree. Young people today could care less what others think. I also noticed that my wife is well taken by other white people these days and I’m generally well received by Asian people.

I guess my point is, it doesn’t matter what other people think. The people who feel threatened, are they going to take over and care and respect the person your dating in your place, just because they happen to have the same racial background? The answer is no. The response is mostly knee jerk. People can’t help who they’re attracted to. So let’s let them all be. There’s plentry of Fish in the sea. Don’t be threatened by a fish someone else caught. In the end, you’re wasting your time being upset about it.

Me

Just to add, we both respect each other’s backgrounds. I try to make sure the kids go to some Asian events such as the Moon festival in the Fall and Tet in the Winter. Our kids both have their mother’s maiden name, Nguyen, as their middle names to represent their dual backgrounds. There is no favoring or belittling of each other’s backgrounds. I think a lot of the negative perception tends to be more myth than fact when it comes to these matters. And anyway, kids with a global view will likely be more successful in the future. They won’t be hampered down by unreasonable biases.

Besides, there is more acceptance of Korean Cool these days. Japanese and Chinese cultures are not looked down upon by most people. Both are becoming more ingrained in the US. So I think this old divide is being bridged for the most part. Anyone upset about it is chosing to be upset. But those people aren’t going to be the well received leaders of the future.

Guest

The best policy is not to care what others think of you as an AF/WM couple.

JoePignitello

I’m a White guy, but that’s a typical statement from someone really
naive about race and racial stereotypes. I have many Asian, Black and
Muslim friends, and I can tell you that most Whites have a blind
attitude towards White privilege–which does exist, btw–and anything
that is slightly critical of White people in general. I’m a Libertarian
so I believe that everyone has a right to do whatever they please, but
let’s not pretend everything is perfect in this world and we can bury
our heads in the sand and ignore the problems around us…

Guest

I’m not engaging in any pretense. I realize that you and I could never reach a common understanding. Consequently, the best policy is to not care about your views.

I live in France, the French prefer black people, but I don’t think asian women + white men are not weirder than the other mixed couples, nor more numerous than the other couples.

Mika

Asian women with white men, in general, don’t suck. The only times they suck is if they married the white guy for some other incentive other than love, such as for a green card, for a status/trophy husband, for money, etc…But in general, if the couple just happened to meet and fall in love, like any other couple, I see nothing wrong with it.

James McBeth

I suppose the Asian/ white colorblind couples just aren’t worthy of much commentary in conversations like this. Neither one of us were looking to specifically date inside or outside our race, it just happened that way. Mutual spark, started talking, got along well and there it is, happily ever after 16 years later.