So anyway I was walking down a nice country road when I saw two cows staring at me. Well, as you can imagine I was quite taken aback by it all and phoned the police.

Eventually they arrived and just saw me there standing next to two cows. One of them said "So you called us here just for these cows, eh?" And I replied "yes, they want my flesh. I know they do, just look at them!"

One of the coppers on the left put a sticker on my head which read "insane". "Strange," I thought, before killing both cows and dumping their corpses in the river.

The cows will get you, I swear... and if you don't believe me look at all the conspiracies I thought up while I was in the mad house! Listen to this right, 'kay, erm... wait let me just get the papers.. ah here it is!

OK, so basically the government is hiding all these top secret files of incidents involving cows attacking honey badgers. The powers that be will stop at nothing to cover up this stuff and... hang on, is that a tranquiliser gun you got there? WAIT, NO I..... Ahhhhhh... nice.