47 Reasons Your Boyfriend Sort Of Hates You

Your boyfriend loves you. A lot. That why he’s with you instead of with his ex or that slutty girl who kept eyeing him at the bar on Friday. He doesn’t want to be with someone else, and he doesn’t want to be single. He wants to be with you because he loves you. Buuuuut, before your head inflates so big that it actually explodes, there’s something else you need to know: your boyfriend also sort of hates you. Just a little bit. Not in a “he’s going to dump you” kind of way. Just in a “you’re sometimes annoying, but he puts up with it because you’re worth it” kind of way. It happens in every relationship, but after seeing what we put these guys through, it’s a wonder any of us are getting married at all. JK. Sort of.

You make him watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

And you get mad when he calls one, or all, of them hot.

And now, thanks to you, he actually knows the names of all of the sisters.

You make him go on a diet.

Or try a new detox with you.

Basically when you “make” him do anything.

How you complain about his driving, but refuse to drive.

And then put your feet up on the dash, change the radio station, and ignore him for your phone for the entire ride.

Whenever you ask him “who that girl is.”

Chances are you don’t want to know, and he doesn’t want to tell you.

Blow jobs. You don’t give those.

Or you don’t give them as much as he’d like (which is all day, every day).

You shed everywhere.

And I do mean everywhere (cc: that long strand of hair that somehow got twisted around his dick).

And it’s like you just leave a trail of bobby pins in your wake.

Whenever you ask him how you look, you don’t like his answer.

And all compliments he gives are met with an indignant attitude that can only be diffused with an even more thoughtful compliment.

Because “pretty” is not the same as “the most beautiful woman in the world.”

You insist that he buys you wine because you just don’t feel like drinking beer.

But then you drink his beer anyway.

That ex who you still lowkey talk to? Yeah. Your boyfriend hates that wholeeeee situation.

And the way you always bring up his exes when you’re drunk.

I know, I know. Jenny is a bitch. But still.

The absurd fact that you ask him for fashion advice.

And get frustrated when he doesn’t have an opinion on whether you should wear peep-toe or closed-toe shoes.

When you correct his grammar (which he should really just hate himself for).

Baby talk.

The weird rule that somehow allows you to always pick the movie.

And then falling asleep within twenty minutes, leaving him to watch Love and Other Rom-Coms all by himself.

Rom-coms in general. He hates you for the sheer fact that they exist and that you love them.

But if he suggests a movie? You act like he’s insane. Because no. You will not watch something with fast cars, hot girls, and lots of guns, thank you very much.

The number of texts you send him during Guys’ Night.

And the way you like to call him “just to talk” when he has literally nothing to say.

Three words: social media PDA.

Actually, regular PDA will do it too.

He knows you love him. You don’t have to stick your tongue down his throat at a party or post a paragraph on his wall to prove it.

That you always want to go to the farmer’s markets when he wants to watch yet another football game.

Whenever you catch him checking out another girl.

He knows he’s at fault. But he still hates it.

And the way you talk about hot male celebrities in uh, extreme detail.

But if he so much as mentions Margot Robbie you make it seem like he committed treason. Which he did, of course.

How you sleep in the middle of the bed at best, and on his side at worst.

And you always want to cuddle and touch him while you’re passed out, which makes him and his arm very uncomfortable.

The amount of shit you leave at his apartment.

And the fact that you leave it all over his floor/bathroom/in his drawers.

Not to mention all of the clothes you steal.

Even though you have a habit of making fun of everything he wears.

That he can’t express himself as easily as he would like, and that sometimes things come out wrong.

And sometimes those wrong things make you cry, which in turn makes him feel like an ass.

And that no matter how hard he tries, he can’t always make you see what you mean to him.

The way you put yourself down. That you don’t see yourself the way he sees you. That you close yourself off, and feel like you have to put on an act. That you get scared to reach for your dreams, even though he knows you can accomplish them all. That you push him away when all he wants is to be close, and that you don’t see yourself through his eyes. Because through his eyes? You’re amazing. Through his eyes, you’re perfect.

And that no matter how many times you tell him that you love him more, he knows that you’re dead wrong.

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Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.