Exploring God's perspective on life's issues…

Three Times Before Dawn

Affiong returned to Nigeria after she finished a master’s degree in the UK.‎ On getting to Nigeria, her mum introduced her to Ubong.

Ubong is the first son of a prominent doctor in Calabar. His father is well respected for his contribution in the health sector and in the society.

Ubong and Affiong fell in love and before anyone could blink, wedding bells were ringing. Affiong and Ubong received numerous gifts, including a house in the Lekki axis from Ubong’s father, and an SUV from Affiong’s family.

After their wedding, Affiong gets a job in a good company but Ubong does not want to work; he says he prefers to go into business.

Three years into their marriage, they now have a daughter, Itoro. Ubong is still not working. Affiong is footing all the bills while her husband sits at home and watches TV. Affi’s job is on the mainland; she has to drive to and from work, and also take care of the domestic chores around the house.

Most bothersome for her is the fact that Ubong’s sex drive is very high. He has to have sex 3 to 4 days in a week, and on each of these days he needs at least 3 rounds before dawn.

Affi’s problem with this is that she has to go to work the next morning after those rounds of sex, which always leave her exhausted. She has pleaded with Ubong to schedule the marathon sex for weekends only, but he says it’s not a thing he can schedule: it is based on the natural urge.

Affiong cannot afford to pay a driver, so she has to drive from Lekki to the mainland, and drive back from the mainland after a hard day’s work, take care of the house chores and Itoro, and then have 3 rounds of sex before dawn. She has asked Ubong to at least help by driving her to work and picking her up, and his reply was that due to the intense traffic, it would not make any sense.

Affi knows very well that her husband is spoilt and lazy, but what can she do?

To start with Affi made a choice to go with her Mother’s choice… even if she was cool with the choice, a longer dating period may have allowed her see some of these discoveries before marriage.

Secondly, She’s already in it and these flaws are not enough reasons to walkout of the marriage and many other women out there are in similar situation even if they won’t speaking like Affi.

Thirdly, I will suggest begins from her knees and tangle issues from the place of Prayer if she believes in GOD, If not she needs to find GOD… HE will give her peace in the midst of it all and and help her reach him. “If you have not prayed about it, you are not seeking solutions yet” That’s my first approach to life issues.

Secondly, she should look someone whom he respects and share their issues for him to be rightly counsell

Lastly, she should find timeout to grab some good books and read, even if it just one chapter per week in her busy schedule, the power of continuous learning cannot be underestimated.

There is a very good book titled Boundaries in Marriage. It describes the steps you need to take when 1 partner shirks his responsibilities or engages in acts capable of endangering the marriage. She may have to initiate a request that they see a counsellor or someone the man respects.
2. She needs to prayerfully define their roles so that it will be clear she is bearing an unfair burden
3. Sex in this story is portrayed as a favor she does him; an exhausting mind-bending back-breaking harrowing task to assuage her maniac of a husband and I think this is an error. Christian women need to correct this mind set of sex being given to their husbands. Sex is God’s idea to refresh the marriage. Like the communion bread and wine it services the covenant we make on the wedding day and reinforces our oneness.
3. She can create the husband she wants by the words of her mouth. God created the world in 6 days. If she can align her faith in the word with her love for him and begin to speak into his recreated spirit that he is the head of the house and the provider and all that with time and patience she will see changes.
4. If he is not born again she has to rely more on counsel from people he respects because it will take longer for him to respond to prayers.
Finally if you marry a Nabal pray like Abigail.
If you marry a Boaz, relax and enjoy like Ruth.
Singles should take heed.

First of all, she needs to speak with him and it has to be a “no holds barred’ conversation in which each partner is allowed to express themselves as a couple and as partners. She should clearly express her frustrations and request for his support as the head of the home. It is only after this attempt fails that she needs to seek for external help from a cousellor, a mutually respected spiritual figurehead or family member. This should all be done prayerfully