NKF Cares: The National Kidney Foundation offers a Patient Information Help Line in English and Spanish staffed by trained professionals to provide support for people affected by kidney disease, or...

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NKF Cares: The National Kidney Foundation offers a Patient Information Help Line in English and Spanish staffed by trained professionals to provide support for people affected by kidney disease, organ donation or transplantation. Phone (855) 653-2273 between 6 a.m. and 2 p.m. Monday through Friday; email nkfcares@kidney.org; or visit kidney.org.

STOCKTON - Rev. Bennie Martin has reflected long and hard about his decision. He has come to the only conclusion that makes sense to him. By mid-June, he expects to be dead.

"It's a conscious decision based on natural facts and reality," said Martin, a 62-year-old Stockton resident.

"It's because of economics. I can't make ends meet. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I just don't want to be alive dependent on people. I can't depend on people to do that month after month after month," he said.

Martin has Stage 5 kidney failure, also known as end stage renal disease. For four years, Martin has spent four hours and 15 minutes a day, three days a week undergoing kidney dialysis treatments to clean his blood. His kidney function is so poor that he cannot live without dialysis or a transplant, and he is not a good candidate for a transplant operation.

Martin has decided that after this month, he will stop his dialysis treatments.

"I have thought about it dearly. I've done some serious praying. I've consulted with my social worker and consulted with my doctor and talked with my family, and that is about it," he said.

"I am going to end my dialysis at the end of May and go to a more peaceful place," Martin said matter-of-factly.

Martin sought out The Record to share his story with the community of friends he has developed over three decades of social activism and church volunteerism since he moved to Stockton. He first gained attention through his pivotal role getting a major Stockton street - Charter Way - renamed in honor of slain civil rights leader Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

In 2012, Martin was the victim of a check fraud scheme that spiraled out of control. His story resonated with the community and some three dozen readers contacted the newspaper with offers of help.

"Things are going so bad with me now. By the middle of June, I will be deceased pending other complications," said Martin, who lives alone in a small north Stockton apartment with two finches for company. Framed photos of happier times with family members cover one wall.

"When you pay all your bills you have lights and phone, but no money to buy food. If I don't do the latter, I will have food but no oven to cook it on," he said.

Martin lives on about $830 in monthly Supplemental Security Income in a $685 apartment for which he is responsible for $213. His energy bill runs about $41; his cable, $84; car insurance, $48; regular co-payments for health care not covered by Medicare and Medi-Cal, $16.

But rather than seek help from a charity, the government or family - he has five siblings all living in his native Texas, most of them also struggling - the proud Martin is emphatic about not being a burden on anyone. He is forthright about past mistakes.

"I didn't save," Martin said. "I partied hardy and spent money like a wild man. I don't blame anybody but me. Because of all my screw-ups, I don't think anyone should help me. I did a whole lot. Alcohol. I smoked until 24.

"I'm a Christian and people have said God wouldn't be pleased with (my decision). I've prayed on it and I am satisfied with the decision. For me, it's the only one."

Martin was born in northeast Texas in the small town of Jefferson, the eighth of 10 children. Love brought him west to the East Bay and eventually Stockton more than 30 years ago. He married and divorced here but had no children.

At the age of 36, he had his first heart attack. Six years later, he suffered what he described as a "silent heart attack" for which he got no treatment. Another heart attack felled him while he was in Texas in 1998. Then came the attack in 2002.

"I had lost three sisters, my mother and my father. It weighed kind of heavy on me. I was diagnosed with diabetes in 1998," he said, explaining that doctors told him he couldn't return to work.

Knowing that his demise is certain, Martin has been counseled that once he stops dialysis, he will still be able to urinate but without functioning kidneys his blood won't be cleaned and toxins will build up.

"I will begin to swell. I can spend my last days at hospice. My brother said it was akin to suicide, and it may be, but I'm just going to allow the dialysis to stop," he said. He added that one of his sisters is very angry with him for his decision, but no one has provided him with "the miracle" it would take for him to go on living.

"I'd be willing to listen to anybody if they want to convince me not to," said Martin, offering the opportunity for anyone to call him at (209) 808-3127.

One person who already reached out to Martin was Lori Hartwell, 48, a Southern California woman who has lived with kidney disease since age 2. She has survived more than 40 surgeries, 13 years of dialysis and now lives with her fourth kidney transplant. Hartwell founded the patient-led Renal Support Network in 1993 "to instill health, happiness and hope into the lives of fellow patients."

A self-described fighter all her life, Hartwell said, "I witnessed that a lot of people were losing hope. An illness is too demanding when we don't have hope. Hope is more important than anything, hope is what gets you out of bed in the morning, gives you the courage to go to dialysis, something to look forward to."

Knowing firsthand the toll that kidney disease takes on a person's life, Hartwell made an attempt to change Martin's mind. She arranged for an anonymous donor to provide him with $500. She talked to him about persuading the Emergency Food Bank and Family Services of Stockton to do what it can to set aside proper food for those with special dietary needs. She also suggested he get a part-time job to bring in a couple hundred dollars a month that wouldn't jeopardize his Social Security benefits.

She thought that kind of focus would give Martin a cause, something to hope for, something to live for. When she got off the phone with Martin, she believed she had helped him changed his mind.

Martin said Hartwell was very persuasive, and he appreciated her effort, but what she was offering, what she suggested he do, would just be temporary, he said. It didn't change his mind.

When informed of Martin's decision, an expert who deals with similar situations daily explained that considering whether to continue or stop life-sustaining dialysis is always a very emotional decision.

"It is often the family who calls us trying to make sense of it all and seeking more information. ... A lot of patients kind of carry in the back of their minds that stopping dialysis is an option and that gives them a sense of control," said Kelli Collins, director of patient services for the New York-based National Kidney Foundation.

Trying to make sense of Martin's decision can be difficult for those who haven't experienced what he has.

"I kind of compare it to people who have a traumatic accident and lose a limb. Some rebound, some don't want to live anymore. It is hard sometimes when what you define as quality of life isn't in line with what they believe," said Collins, a licensed independent clinical social worker. "Even the most rational decision may be very hard to accept. We do everything we can to keep loved ones alive."

Martin's decision, Collins said, is an option that she believes should be presented within an array of options.

"We are not promoting it necessarily, but it is a choice. It is that peace of mind that they have an option to stop dialysis if it is not working. It's how they want to live," Collins said.

Even with other options available and someone to talk with, Martin remains content with his decision.

"I'm at peace," he said. "I'm not afraid."

Contact reporter Joe Goldeen at (209) 546-8278 or jgoldeen@recordnet.com. Follow him at recordnet.com/goldeenblog and on Twitter @JoeGoldeen.