Lost in Suburbia: One more doggone diet

Wednesday

Nov 8, 2017 at 7:13 AMNov 8, 2017 at 7:16 AM

Tracy Beckerman More Content Now

“I caught the dog looking at himself in the full-length mirror today,” I said to my husband. “I think he’s feeling a little self-conscious about his thighs. And he’s worried about putting on weight over the holidays.”

“The dog is worried?” my husband asked.

“Yes, he noticed that he’s put on a few pounds since Halloween and he wants to make sure he doesn’t get any heavier.”

“The dog said that?” my husband wondered.

“He did. He’s going to go on a diet, and I decided to do it with him to give him some support.”

“That’s very nice of you, honey.”

“I know,” I replied. “I’m thoughtful that way.”

It was true, actually. The dog had put on a little weight. But I was the one who binging on leftover Halloween candy and I was the one who was having trouble fitting into her skinny jeans. Now, with Thanksgiving looming, I needed to stop and face the music so I did not end up gaining so much weight this season that I ended up looking like the holiday turkey.

I had heard that you’re more likely to succeed on a food and exercise plan if you do it with a friend, so I decided to enlist the help of a partner. I wanted someone who would go along with whatever exercise I decided to do, who wouldn’t scold me if I cheated on my diet, and would be a willing participant in any hair-brained get-thin-quick scheme I came up with.

So, I drafted the dog. And blamed it on him.

“The dog needs to lose a few pounds,” I said to the vet at our next visit. “What do you recommend?”

“You can cut down on his food intake,” she suggested.

“Oh, but then won’t we, I mean, he, be hungry?”

“He’s a dog. He’s always hungry,” said the vet.

“Yes,” I sighed. “We are. I mean, he is.”

The vet looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

“Or we could switch him to a lower calorie kibble and you can supplement with carrots and string beans,” she said.