If you don’t like Gwyneth, and many of you don’t, there’s a lot you’ll find annoying in her new spread for ELLE’s September issue. If, however, you’re like me and can appreciate Gwyneth at her best which is, naturally, better than you, this is one of her finest.

The styling (by Joe Zee) is amazing. I love it. All of it. In particular that Christopher Kane sweater in the polaroids. The interview too is full of GOOP gold. Like how many times she namechecks Beyonce and Jay-Z:

On getting support from Beyoncé on her surprise duet with Cee Lo Green at the Grammys: “This story always makes me cry…It’s 10 in the morning and Beyoncé schleps it all the way down to the Staples Center to watch. I mean, She’s Beyoncé ! Beyoncé’s like, ‘Okay. The singing is great. But you’re not having any fun.’ She’s like, ‘Remember when we’re at Jay’s concert and Panjabi MC comes on and you do your crazy Indian dance? Do that. Be you!’”

How great is this quote? First, she’s so special that Beyonce drags her ass out of bed to watch her rehearse. Then, Beyonce tells her she can sing. And then, she lets us know that they’re so close they have, like, all these memories they’ve made together, almost a shorthand for communication. Please. It’s brilliant.

Continuing on - more on the singing tip, because even though YOU think she sucks, THEY don’t think she sucks.

On creating a solo album:“Beyoncé and Jay—they think that I should just go do it by myself. That I should go…in a studio and see what happens. And if it’s good, do it. And if it’s not, don’t. So that’s probably what I’ll do.”

Which basically means this: do you actually believe that what you believe matters more than what B and J believe???

There’s a lot of this that happens through the piece related to her recommendations, her fitness, her style, her personality - you just might not be good enough to appreciate it, but she can help you with that.

And then, surprisingly, some insight into her marriage, but only after she compares him to Picasso. As if you’d forgotten that she’d married one of the world’s biggest rock stars.

On choosing not to go to her husband, Coldplay’s Chris Martin for advice on music: “[He’s] a musical genius. It’s like living with Picasso, and being like, ‘Should I make a little something-something?’”

On keeping her marriage out of the spotlight: “He makes music for his fans, and he doesn’t want people to conjure a lame famous couple when they’re getting into his music. I get it.”

I wonder if this was a momentary lapse. I wonder if she couldn’t help herself and let that slip. Or if it was a deliberate shot. Rather passive aggressive, non? Because that’s a confirmation that their unwillingness to appear together, their unwillingness to leave a restaurant walking out the same door at the same time, his unwillingness to show up and be happy for his wife on a night when she’s promoting her work at a private gathering with approved pictures only, is not so much HER mandate than it is HIS. As we knew. He can’t f-cking stand it. And she just has to live with it. “I get it”. Yes, but are you ok with it?

On the false rumors of a split: “Sometimes it’s hard being with someone for a long time. We go through periods that aren’t all rosy. I always say, life is long and you never know what’s going to happen. If, God forbid, we were ever not to be together, I respect him so much as the father of my children. Like, I made such a good choice. He’s such a good dad. You can never be relaxed or smug and think, I’ve got this thing. That’s also part of it—keeping yourself on your toes. I’m not going to take this for granted.”

I don’t think it’s fair that she gets sh-t on for being the fault of her marriage just because she’s a pretentious bitch. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t try. That doesn’t mean she isn’t good to him. That doesn’t mean she’s not holding together her family. That doesn’t mean she’s not devoted to her children. That doesn’t mean he can treat her like a second class citizen or, you know, cheat but not really cheat and not really sue the tabloids for suggesting he stepped out on her with Kate Bosworth. The gossip buffet entree I choose in this situation is that she busts her ass to make them work. And at times it’s probably gotten so bad, she can’t even deny the rumours wholeheartedly anymore. This statement may or may not be a prelude to an exit strategy. But isn’t it a little bit more honest than the usual bullsh-t you read? Would she actually give it up? Exit strategy or not, exit is a last resort for Gwyneth. She will grind it out for as long as she can. And I think she might deserve some credit for that.

What she doesn’t deserve credit for is the ongoing, like, musician-ness.

Gwyneth, according to Page Six, is set to perform in the VIP area at the Music to Know Festival in the Hamptons. Other artists include Vampire Weekend, Ellie Goulding (who sang at Will and Kate’s wedding), Chromeo, and the Naked and Famous. Her people won’t substantiate the report but have acknowledged that:

"She's been invited but nothing is confirmed yet."

This is how it always is with my G. How the message always comes across, even when it’s not intentional: they want her, but she hasn’t decided if they’re good enough. She has to check with Beyonce and Jay-Z first... but definitely not Madonna.

Also attached - Gwyneth at the Baby Buggy Hamptons event the other day with her other good friends the Seinfelds.

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