Stephen Schwarzman Supposedly Not Interested In ‘Mommy Porn’

50 Shades of Grey is the first book in a trilogy about the relationship between a recent college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a “young business magnate,” Christian Grey, the former being employed as a sex slave of the latter, who has a room in his apartment called the “Red Room of Pain,” where his sadomasichistic directives go down. The books have been dubbed “mommy porn” and are apparently huge among married women over thirty who are using the “tantalizing tale to spice up their sex lives.” Naturally, the subject came up last night at a party attended by some billionaires and their wives.

Stephen Schwarzman [attended the event] with his wife, Christine Schwarzman, who said she’s just finished reading the novel “50 Shades of Grey,” which is “definitely not for Steve,” who likes the thriller writer Lee Child.

While the Blackstone CEO may be (allegedly) too good for billionaire BDSM tales, we assume most of his peers have found themselves unable to put the tomes down and don’t care who knows it. To that end, we’ve sent out detailed questionaires to top CEOs and hedge fund managers to find out how many other “out and proud” readers of the series there are among Wall Street’s elite. Apparently Jimmy Cayne went through the trilogy in “less than a week” and Carl Icahn, who keeps autographed copies proudly displayed on his office shelves, is dying for a fourth installment. No word from one J. Gundlach, though we’re expecting a moderately snippy note about how he “could’ve written the damn thing.”

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says, "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."

Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you, being married to a rich and powerful hedge fund owner, …….that you would go for *…that….* ."

The logical take:
Women reading a book with that premise get the urge to play college girl and bang their husbands. Men reading that book get the urge to bang a college girl. Christine is wise to keep that book to herself.

Sen. Joseph Biden: And she still didn't go out with you? [ Thomas nods no ] Now, Judge Thomas, there have been charges by Professor Hill that you talked casually with her about graphic scenes in porno movies. Is that true?

Judge Clarence Thomas: Yes, it is.

Sen. Joseph Biden: And.. did that work? Did it break the ice?

Judge Clarence Thomas: No, Senator, it actually offended her.

Sen. Howell Heflin: Uh.. what porno movie did you talk about?

Judge Clarence Thomas: Well.. I mainly spoke about a favorite of mine, called "The Hind-Lick Manuever".

Sen. Howell Heflin: That's a good movie, Judge! But do you think hard-core porno is the way to go? Because I feel women prefer softer porn.

Sen. Joseph Biden: Senator Thurmond?

Sen. Strom Thurmond: I agree with Senator Heflin. Yeah, that's right! The women like something with more stories and costumes, that'll transport 'em to another place and time. That's right! Women don't like close-ups of oversized genitalia! That's just never gonna turn 'em on!

SAC

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