"Why would an international company care about a library millage in Troy? There is no way to know who really funded the burning-books campaign," DeBacker said.

Yes, why would “an international company” such as Leo care about the fate of Troy’s library? Leo must have funneled money from some nefarious force that wished to unduly influence the sovereign voters of Troy.

The operative word here is international—like the communist anthem “The Internationale.” After all, companies that make money helping other companies sell things like Marlboro cigarettes and Frosted Flakes must be part of some kind of elaborate Trotskyite conspiracy. Yes, it all makes perfect sense.

Now that it’s settled, Mandrake, go fix me a drink of rain water and grain alcohol.

Or, just to play devil’s advocate, maybe Leo was interested in the library debate because their metro Detroit office is located in Troy.

It’s probably hard enough trying to recruit top talent to suburban Detroit—especially when the firm is also located in decidedly more cosmopolitan cities like New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and Toronto. That process probably becomes that much more difficult if Troy became known as the troglodyte backwater that can’t or won’t fund a library.