my MIL legitimately came up to me the day after we got engaged (we work together) and said, “just so you know, we’re not going to discuss your engagement around (fiance’s brother) because we don’t want to take away their spotlight”

EXCUSE ME?

so what you’re saying is that our engagement will be IGNORED because your OTHER son got engaged over 6 months before we did? would you have rather us put our lives on hold until a time you deem appropriate? i’m not allowed to be excited?

their wedding will be in march 2014 and ours in august 2014.

his mom DIDN’T EVEN CONGRATULATE us on facebook but instead made this status:

“well i guess i better start saving…”

like what?!?!?!

it was honestly one of the hardest months of my life. i was anxiously anticipating getting engaged for SO long, it finally happened and i couldn’t even enjoy it because my MIL treated us like absolute sh**.

when she asked to see my ring the morning after the proposal she had NOTHING nice to say, just scoffed and said “i have no idea how he could afford that.” and walked away. we have never asked you for a penny, you have no business commenting on our financial situation.

it got to a point where i reached out to my fiance’s brother & his fiance regarding the issue asking if THEY were upset about our engagement and felt like we were stealing their limelight and they both said absolutely not and that it was ridiculous we were being treated that way.

my fiance and his brother both had to contact their mother and basically told her to knock it off.

MY OWN MOM contact my MIL via email saying basically “i realize you have mixed emotions regarding their engagement but will you please try to just ACT happy for them. we are SO happy for our daughter and it breaks our heart to see her so upset during what should be the most amazing time of her life.” + a little attitude because she was royally pissed off.

my parents offered to pay for the wedding due to the drama. like she legitimately has zero responsibilities but show up and she still had/has the balls to comment on every single thing.

my fiance’s father is a picky eater and when we showed her our menu she said “…well you do realize my husband won’t eat any of this, right?”

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

fortunately things have calmed down but i still hold this little bit of resentment towards her. she made the first month after i got engaged a living hell and it just sucked.

It sounds like your FBIL is a good guy, so you between your FI, your FBIL, and your own family, you have support. You may just have to go with that and accept that your FMIL isn’t going to be wonderful. That sucks.

Focus on the wedding! And one good thing: since she isn’t paying anything, you basically don’t need to discuss one darn thing with her! ha!

I would just let her bad attitude roll off your shoulders and make sure NOT to include her in any decisions like dress shopping, flowers, etc. As far as she is concerned, she is a GUEST at the wedding and nothing more.

If she complains about it just say “We’re not planning on sharing that information with our guests.”

@brooklyn_bee: some people are just so miserable with their lives they make it their life goal to shit on someone’s good day.

Keep your head up and show her no matter how hard she tries, her opinion doesn’t matter. We have someone in our family like this and fortunately her sister makes it HER life goal to put her in her place.

@brooklyn_bee: Your FBIL and his FI sound awesome. Seriously, he and your FI sound like stand-up guys for telling their mom to stop being a jerk. Same goes for your mom for standing in your corner like that.

As for FMIL just ignore her. It could be that she had always had issues with you (you didn’t mention whether this behavior is new or not) or it could just be that she’s having trouble coping with the idea that her little boys will both be married men by the end of next year. It can be a tough adjustment to make, but it is no excuse for treating you guys in such a manner.

@LoggerHead91207: i can’t say we’ve always had issues… whenever she says jump i say how high. i’m always willing to help whenever she needs it. she’s just a very blunt, tells it how it is, doesn’t hold back, too bad if it hurts your feelings kinda lady. when i’m SO not. i know i’m a bit sensitive, i could have just laughed her idiotic comments off, but BECAUSE i work so hard to make her happy, i felt like i wanted her approval and she was nothing but rude about it.

thankfully now, she has shifted to being more supportive and excited for us it’s just frustrating that her first reaction was to protect her other (older) son rather than be equally as excited for us. i think she should have communicated with her other son first before jumping to the conclusion that we were stealing their spotlight.

@brooklyn_bee:my parents and i (well us) will be paying for the wedding. all she has to do is show up.

Good then. Stop informing her on any detail whatsoever, just send her an invite when the time comes. I wouldn’t entertain this woman, and that’s what yo’re doing. Perhaps also find a new job. I couldn’t imagine working with my MIL especial one like yours.

@brooklyn_bee: I wouldn’t involve her in any planning or tell her any details unless she explicitly asks. For some reason when a couple gets engaged everyone suddenly has all these opinions and act like what you’re doing is crazy despite the fact that billions of people have been married throughout time. It’s ridiculous. I totally understand why you’re feeling this way and hope things get better!

Ugh, so sorry you had to deal with that! I know how it is. My FMIL didn’t congratulate us, tried to convince FI not to propose, then grilled me on finances and suggested we don’t have a wedding because of my student loans. She also didn’t tell any of FI’s extended family about the engagement because it was “something he did so he should tell them,” yet e-mailed everyone and their mom when he got his master’s degree. She’s never liked me (or anyone FI has dated; taking my baby away syndome), but I didn’t expect her to be so obviously hostile!

Honestly, the only thing to do is let it roll off you. Know that it doesn’t at all reflect on you or who you are as a person, only her screwed-up issues. Smile, be nice, and let anything negative she says go in one ear and out the other. Focus on all of the people who are supportive and excited!