Police investigate reports of massive jobby in river

In a gift for journalists on what is officially Bristol's 4,578th consecutive slow news day, police are investigating reports that a 6-foot column of human excrement has been seen floating in the river.
A light-hearted tweet from a senior police officer, which we quickly expanded into pure pageview gold, revealed that a bus driver had reported seeing an object floating under a bridge, and became convinced that it was a massive u-bend stuffer.

Police searched for the mysterious object for approximately 30 seconds before announcing that it had probably been eaten by a giant goldfish.