Sunday, October 08, 2006

I have found that once someone is accused of insecticide their reputation suffers greatly. Before my trial I could walk into McDonald's and order a double green chile cheeseburger without anyone spitting on it. Despite being found not guilty on the account of the DA having a weird name that the jury didn't much care for, I'm still being thought of as a grasshopper-killer, which I am.

How does one move on from that? How do I rebuild my reputation?

I thought long and hard about this while I looked up at the framed grasshopper leg above my mantle, the trophy of my conquest.

Hmmm...conquest.

Perhaps I could be seen as a town hero if I conquered something, or someone. But what?

Then it hit me like a bad idea hits an ignorant person. The homeless! Yes, that would me my ticket to hero status. Those without a house in which to live, to be more precise. They are becoming more and more a threat to the morals and integrity of Hobbs, America. I shall eradicate the homeless!

But how? Welfare to work programs? Apartments for the impoverished? Toxic waste traps in convenient store parking lots? No. None of those ideas were feasible or cost-effective. No, it was clear to me what needed to be done. There was no simple solution. No, no! I would need to think long and hard about this.