You might say I've been gone awhile-- "gone", though, isn't exactly the word for where I've been. No, I've been here for most of my absence, "here" being the internet, which I've discovered is generally the same place whether you're sitting alone in your darkened college dorm room in Washington state or some six hundred miles away in your dimly-lit bedroom back home in Oregon. I've been here, playing pointless computer games, or else clicking the refresh button over and over again on my YouTube subscription feed, waiting for someone to publish something, all the while entertaining grand notions of setting up a new account under my xbox gamertag and becoming a big name in the "let's play" bracket--or perhaps creating an episodic animation series based on my temporarily abandoned novel, complete with original music composed by yours truly. Offline, meanwhile, I've delved into the sequel to my aforementioned temporarily abandoned novel and devised new and creative strategies to procrastinate several different essays for impressive lengths of time.

At some point during this seemingly monotonous stretch in my life, however, I remembered that interesting things actually do sometimes happen to me, and I might as well write them down...when I got around to it. Well, I guess it's time to get around to it.

Why now, exactly? Three reasons: 1.) The recent activity feed on my profile is completely and utterly devoid of content, 2.) I have an essay due Monday on a book I haven't yet read, and 3.) there is an old necklace made from a child's tooth sitting on top of my bookcase, begging me to write some true and quirky tales just like the famous author who bestowed it upon me.

Stay tuned for the next episode, entitled, "In Which David Sedaris Gives Me Jewelry".

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