J K Rowling, the creator of Harry Potter, is secretly the author of a thriller based on Conservative party funding, according to a national Sunday newspaper. The story in question, ‘Tory Lobbyist’, is an outrageous fiction where inept millionaires maintain their tax-free wealth by accepting endorsements, cash for questions, private directorships and after-dinner speaking.

In a move certain to have a major impact on the magical establishment, a muggle newspaper has today defied the power of wizard law and taken the dramatic step of naming He Who Must Not Be Named, the mysterious “Dark Lord”.