Come on, please let this be a nice story where
when I'm sad it will wilt and when I'm happy it will grow.
Don't you dare flaunt your fruits whenever I'm depressed.
Are you trying to be inversely proportional to the amount of my hair? You bastard!

A loquat tree has grown out of my forehead,
acting as though it has been there since my grandfather's generation.
It doesn't grow when I'm sleeping,
but as soon as I wake up and look at it, it'll be growing.

The loquat tree has sprouted a new branch in a location such that
the drops of fluid would drip right into my eye. I'll need a shower hat.
When I turn in my sleep, it would drip onto the tatami and make it rot.
Finally, I decided to wash it with water, which nurtured the loquat back to life.

A second tree has grown out of my right armpit, and it grows when I laugh. Seriously?!
On top of that, I can no longer put my right arm down because of the sharp branches.
This is now a life-threatening exigency, so I called for an ambulance.
But when the ambulance arrived, I had already completely removed the loquat.