“Sniff. Well, I read in the newspaper that it would cost the Historic Arkansas Riverwalk of Pueblo $5,000 per month to keep the toilets open. So that’s how much it would cost. Can I have a bathroom pass?”

Sure.

“Can I have $5,000 so I can use it?”

Suzie, who’s being sarcastic now?

All right, class, let’s move on to another money problem. How much does a long-distance conference call to Washington, D.C., cost?

Yes, Luis?

“More than $11,000.”

That is on the high end. Would you care to share your reasoning?

“Sure. The newspaper said that was what the City Council paid to travel to Washington, D.C., to talk to the EPA about some sort of cleaning issue over the telephone.”

OK. If our class took a field trip to Colorado Springs, how much would it cost? Luis, again?

“Yes ma’am. It would be $10,687.”

How?

“That’s the what Urban Renewal Authority paid.”

We’re not having much luck with money, so let’s talk about some other things. How about weights and measures. One ounce equals. . .? Pauline, you certainly raised your hand in a hurry.

“Approximately 60 joints.”

Technically, that is a correct answer, but hardly the standard reply. Goodness, that was the first thing that came to mind?

“Well, yeah. There have been a lot of stories about weed in the newspaper recently. I’ve been using them to sharpen my math skills. Can I explain THC levels in recreational marijuana vs. industrial hemp for extra-credit?”

That won’t be necessary. Let’s move on to one of the classic problems. Say a train moving 85 mph leaves Trinidad at 8 a.m. and a train moving 81 mph leaves Lamar at 8:15 a.m. What time will they meet, and where?

Maureen?

“In El Paso, Texas, in 2016.”

And this is based on . . .?

“Well, in the newspaper, it said that New Mexico, Colorado and Kansas were having a hard time getting it together for high-speed rail, and the route would have to be more southerly.”

Oh. I must not have been paying attention. Let’s try something simpler. Let’s say you were 3 years old in March 2007. How old are you now?

Bobby?

“Am I a farmer?”

I guess if you want to be, sure.

“Then, I am 4.9 years old.”

Bobby?

“Well, the Census bureau said the average age of a farmer went to 58.9 years old in 2014 from 57 years old in 2007. I think it’s because they have such a healthy lifestyle. I want to be a farmer when I grow up.”

Class, I think that’s enough for one day. We’re going to be looking at abstract math next time, because I have just become aware that practical math fails to follow the laws of physics or any other kind. And . . . yes, Jimmy?

“During class, our national debt went up to $17.6 trillion, or an increase of $100 billion. Converted, that’s 20 million toilets per month, or 1.2 million joints if you flushed an ounce of pot down each one.”