My Story of Love, Infidelity, and God’s Incomparable Grace

I’m Darlene Schacht, and this is our story of God’s incomparable grace…

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. ~ Genesis 2:24, KJV

It was my husband’s birthday

I still had some wrapping to do when I heard the hum of the garage door open and close. I glanced at the clock. It was only three thirty; the kids weren’t even home from school yet. Michael wasn’t due home for at least another hour, and if you know my husband at all, you’ll understand why this took me by surprise. Michael’s never been late for work, he doesn’t come home early, and he’ll miss a day only if he’s bleeding from the eyes. Whatever the case, I was just glad he was home. This was going to be an awesome night with the family, and I couldn’t wait for it to get started!

Leaving his briefcase by the door, he asked me to join him in the living room. I wasn’t sure what was up, but one glance at the stone-cold look on his face told me that something was wrong—terribly wrong.

Sitting across from him, I’ll never forget the sound of his voice as it rang in my ears and ripped through my heart.

“Are you having an affair?” he asked.

Looking up at him I quickly answered, “No. Why would you even ask that?”

“Please don’t lie to me,” he said. As he continued to question me, the heat rose in my face. My cheeks were numb; my mouth was dry; my body was weak. “Did you have an affair?”

I hung my head, unable to look in his eyes. Sitting alone on the couch, I felt the fear of truth spin around me like the web of a spider until I was helpless to move. Barely able to speak I lifted my chin in a nod and then in another. My house of cards collapsed, my shame crashing to the ground along with it.

My sin, the glorious fruit of lust, had enticed me into the pit where all I could think of was death. For death itself had enveloped me, and with it came shame and reproach. I had sinned against God, my husband, and my family. Everything I had once held so dear to me loomed above the pit of sin and shame I had dug for myself.

Every muscle in my body was heavy, tense, numb. I was disconnected from the pounding of the blood that sped through my head like a runaway train. Even if I wanted to speak—even if I had something else to say—I couldn’t. My jaw was locked; my throat was closed.

Michael stood up, and as I watched him walk out of the room, I realized that in every sense of the word, I was alone.

Through a fog of confusing emotions I managed to get off the couch and go out to the car where I fished through my purse for my keys. Not knowing what else to do, I drove. I didn’t know where I was going, what I should do, or where I’d be spending the night. All I knew was that I had to go someplace—anyplace—but where?

Finally pulling into a parking lot, I stopped the car and collapsed onto the steering wheel. My thoughts were a dark and dusty swirl of emotions that ripped through my heart and beckoned me into the grave. Tears poured down my face like poison escaping a wound, and I sobbed until my stomach was raw from the pain.

I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t have a home. And I didn’t have a shoulder to cry on. All that I had were the shattered pieces of my life.

A few hours later I made my way back to the house, where I started packing up a few things I could carry. Michael came into the room and sat down on the far corner of the bed. Staring straight ahead, he started to talk. This was my husband, the man I had lived with for nearly half of my life, but in every way he was different, from the sound of his voice to the way that he carried himself. We were suddenly strangers.

We exchanged words for a while,but at the end of the day I had nothing left to offer him but soiled rags, words of remorse that he couldn’t rely on, and promises where all trust was gone. My eyes were swollen from crying; my heart was heavy with shame.

“Do you want to stay?” he asked.

I didn’t know how to answer. All I wanted to do was stay with my family—to turn back the clock a year. Back to a time when being a wife and a mom was all that I knew and all that I wanted to be. But I was unworthy to be a wife, a mother, and a child of God. How could I stay in a place where I didn’t belong? How could I ever live on the surface again? How could I ever be trusted to love?

“I can’t,” I said. “I just can’t.”

Again he said, “That’s not what I’m asking you. Do you want to stay?”

Loving his wife as Christ loves the church, Michael reached down to me with a hand of grace when I needed it most. When every thought told me that I was unworthy of love, something miraculous happened that changed the way that I look at marriage and the way that I look at our Savior. It was the realization that I am saved by nothing but the power of grace.

Perhaps that’s how the woman who was caught in adultery felt when she was brought to Jesus. Face-to-face with her Savior, she was left with nothing but His hand of grace. What did Jesus write in the sand with His finger that day? Some say He was listing sins—and perhaps He was. But a part of me will always wonder whether it was an invitation that beckoned her to come home to a place where sin is washed away by the blood of an incomparable Savior.

There is incredible power in the words of Jesus Christ, who said, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:11 nkjv). It takes incredible strength for a man to echo those very same words.

I didn’t deserve Michael’s love and forgiveness. I didn’t deserve a second chance. I didn’t deserve my family, and I didn’t deserve to be loved by those whom I hurt. But in that moment of darkness when one person in this world cared enough to display the covenant-keeping love of Jesus Christ to His church, I turned from my sin and clung to the grace of God that is strong enough to break the bands of sin and death. It’s strong enough to graft one man to a woman when everything in this world threatens to pull them apart.

I started Time-Warp Wife out of that place of grace, all the while wondering if God could use someone who’s broken and tarnished like me. The object of my ministry is to encourage women in their marriage in hopes that they won’t make the mistakes that I have.

I am a sinner who is nothing without the grace of our Lord.

In order for two souls to survive this union–to be grafted together as one–they must be completely sealed by the covenant-keeping love of our Lord Jesus Christ and the faithfulness of His bride. It’s the compound that holds marriage together and the reason itself that marriage exists.

Marriage exists to display the merciful covenant-keeping love of Christ and the faithfulness of his bride.~ John Piper, Momentary Marriage

What I believe…

There is one God, who is infinitely perfect, existing eternally in three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Jesus Christ is true God and true man. He was conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He died upon the cross, the Just for the unjust, as a substitutionary sacrifice, and all who believe in Him are justified on the ground of His shed blood. He arose from the dead according to the Scriptures. He is now at the right hand of the Majesty on high as our great High Priest. He will come again to establish His kingdom of righteousness and peace. The Holy Spirit is a divine Person, sent to indwell, guide, teach and empower the believer, and to convince the world of sin, of righteousness and of judgment. The Old and New Testaments, inerrant as originally given, were verbally inspired by God and are a complete revelation of His will for the salvation of people. They constitute the divine and only rule of Christian faith and practice. Humankind, originally created in the image and likeness of God, fell through disobedience, incurring thereby both physical and spiritual death. All people are born with a sinful nature, are separated from the life of God, and can be saved only through the atoning work of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Salvation has been provided only through Jesus Christ. Those who repent and believe in Him are united with Christ through the Holy Spirit and are thereby regenerated (born again), justified, sanctified and granted the gift of eternal life as adopted children of God.

This video is for each and every one of you. If you’ve ever felt alone, if you’ve ever felt abandoned, if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re worth something–anything at all… please watch. YOU are loved by an almighty God!

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Comments

AMEN!! It’s so exciting to hear women finally starting to speak up and say they’ve chosen self-sacrificial motherhood and submissive wife-hood, and that they’re CONTENT ~ not oppressed or repressed in any way ~ and secure in the knowledge that this is God’s will. I love this “declaration of dependence”!

I think it should be said that in order for a marraige to work the way God intended, men are to love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Awesome post. I’m proud of you!

We can’t change the heart of another or bring them to repentance, but we can and should continue to pray that God will do that work in his heart. I would also encourage you to speak to a spiritual leader in your area about this. Many pastors I know are incredibly wise and are experienced in dealing with family issues on an ongoing basis.

In addition to that, I recently wrote an article about living a sacrificial life. It might bring you encouragement:

I agree, and I love that Dr. Seuss quote!I have always wanted to create a pro-life t-shirt with the phrase “a person is a person, no matter how small” with Horton the elephant on it. I’m working on the copyright issues still. ( ; I’ll get you a shirt if it ever works out!

Love reading this testimony! Walking through a terribly dark time in my own marriage with finding out of my husband’s affair, you and your husband are such a positive influence. Your husbands godly grace gives me the courage to choose forgiveness and your testimony gives me such hope that my husband will stay repentant of his sins. You are such a blessing to me. <3

I am posting in this in hopes of a reply that I know I may not get. If anyone is reading this, I need your prayers. I am almost 5 months past my husband of 16 years finding out that I was having an affair. I told him after the other mans wife found out. I was begged to leave my husband, then and on other occasions as well. But I didnt I stayed, I knew then what the right thing to do was and that the affair wasnt what I thought it was…it was not love. That was Satans lie. My husband and I are still together, it hasn’t been easy. I have gone through so much self hate, anxiety, fear, all of it. We have both been saved since this happened. We are faithful to each other, our future, to God and to our church. But yet I still struggle to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Will my past and failure haunt us the rest of our lives? Will I ever really be forgiven by all the terrible things I have done? I feel under Satans attack everyday! Its exhausting fighting him off. We have so many people praying for us, but I get blinded by the people who hate me, and do not support us being together. We have two beautiful boys and they want nothing more than their two parents to love and care for them TOGETHER! I love my husband so much, I really never understood how much, or what an awesome man he is until this…that is another one of my sins. I just need help. I reach out to people and GOD, but I know his forgiveness should be enough…so why do I still struggle. I hope you can help me Darlene!

Sarah, I offer you my prayers, my encouragement, and this assurance: you have already been forgiven by God. You are not the sum of your mistakes. When we embrace the forgiveness of God we are a new creation.

My dad once said, “God doesn’t care about what you did yesterday. He wants to know what you’ll do today.”

It takes time for peoples hearts to heal. So yes, we will feel the sting of our choices in this life. It hurts. But always remember that it doesn’t define who you are.

I urge you to speak with someone like a Christian counselor or a pastor. It’s amazing how God equips people with wisdom. I never realized how much help they can offer until I spoke with someone myself.

Sara, I am being urged by God to reply to you, as I have been on the other side of your experience…God is AMAZING, and that is said lightly!!! I have dealt with a lot of pain and hurt and betrayal that I for the life of me, could not get through on my own! Even knowing what was going on, God held me to stay! On many occasions, (precisely everyday) I fell to my knees and asked the Lord what to do, because I knew no one would believe ever what my husband was doing…He clearly said to me over and over “I have called you to help bring him back to his faith, back to Me, and you are chosen to walk with Me and do My work and be My Servant”…at that time I knew God was the only One who could help me, and guide me through each day, and believe me when I say it was and has been a journey…but I wouldn’t ask for any different, and just “being held” and having peace is un describable…I am held daily, through the strength that pulls me through and from this, God has used me to pray over others and share my testimony and show strength and His grace to those around me-each day!!! We can’t imagine what He will do with our ashes…though I know He makes beauty from it all! Amen …I encourage you to take much alone time as possible, sit with the Lord and just pour out your desires, your struggles, your everything, and declare that room or area a “Holy Place” and speak out loud to declare and decree the enemy to disappear and be destroyed In the name of Jesus, because he has no business in your life, You are a child of God!!!! I want you to envision placing all your faults, struggles, sins at the feet of Jesus, Pour it out, cry it out, give Him everything…and from this He will be able to start the repairs on you and your husband!!! I still do this when needed! Faith is huge factor, so when doing this you need to have FAITH, that God has this covered, and has been waiting for you all along to give it to Him…God can’t do His work if we are keeping that wall up and holding onto all the sin that the devil keeps throwing at us!!! I have gone to a couple counsellors and have stopped, NONE could do the work of the Lord…but if that is what you need at this moment, please do! In the future God will show you, that you will only need Him…His grace is sufficient for You and All of us:) I would love to help guide you if you ever want to chat…Give it all to Him, He is patiently waiting!!! Praying for you Sara

Dear Darlene, Thank you for sharing your testimony. I love you as a sister of Christ. We do have an awesome,loving and merciful God. This is a beautiful testimony about unconditional love of a husband and our Heavenly Father. Praise God. You have a beautiful family.

Thank you for your posts, Darlene. I am a year and a half into recovery from the effects of my sinful relationship that my husband lovingly forgave and took me back from…God is working through us to strengthen us. I try not to lose heart in myself, I am truly thankful for a second chance. We’ve been married 27 years, have six kids. I am blessed. I too struggle with the feeling of being an utter failure, how can I ever be an example for my children other than a cautionary tale… But my husband loves me and wants to work things out so that’s what I try to focus on, and thank the Lord and trust in him. It helped me, blessed me so much to read your testimony… God has blessed you and made you fruitful in spite of your past mistakes and it gives me hope that He will do the same for me someday. Thank you for your honesty and for the gift that this page has been for me, the past few months since I discovered it.

Thank you for sharing your story. God is using you for His glory. I need to build trust back into our marriage. I’ve asked for forgiveness. But he hasn’t given it yet. We are a work in progress. Thanks again!

My infidelity was of the financial kind. It is all out in the open now, and we are working on the healing. I have admitted my sins and ask for forgiveness from both my husband and God. We are working on finances together now.
I struggle with the whys. Why I tried to hide things from him for so long, why he could ever trust me again. He says he forgives me, but I know it will take a long time to build the trust back up.
Most days, I still feel that “walking on eggshells” feeling you get in the gut of your stomach. My hope is that someday I will lose that feeling of impending doom, and be able to move forward guilt free.
Thank you for sharing your story. It gives those of us still new in our recovery hope.

Oh Darlene! I have loved everything Time-Warp Wife since discovering it and in a non-stalkerish way I have come to love you (even though I don’t really know you) and just now I discovered your testimony wow…now…I love you even more! Thank you so much for sharing and being transparent! It is so awesome to see God’s grace and faithfulness. I love seeing him at work! I look forward to getting to know you more and more!

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s encouraging to read and see proof that submission to Christ and the willingness to work hard in a marriage truly does work.

It’s also very exciting to see that you also live in Manitoba!! I first heard of you in the Free Press, and then I discovered your website. I pray you find affordable travel rates and many, many seat sales each time you need to travel for ministry.

This is so beautiful and inspiring! It is so important that we share our weaknesses and struggles with one another. What an amazing example of God’s love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness you and your family are. He is being glorified in what you are doing for Him. Thank you for sharing your story.

I think this blog is a little off from what God asks of us as wived. I do not think God would want a woman to remain being abused in any way by her husband. Get up and get out before he kills you. In death you are no good to your babies. Repent for him and continue to be submissive to a jerk of a husband who is undeserving of you? WHAT are you women feeding yourselves. Scary. I remain faithful in knowing my God wants nothing but happiness for me and if my husband is not loving me like the church he is going against Gods command and there is not one thing I can do about it. Our faith also is a declaration of our accountability to God. You all are making it sound like its ok men arent held to that same standard. Come on ladies we are not in the 1800’s we have voices and the Lord wants to hear us praise him. Help others, not just sit quietly and hope things get better. Not for this gal. I was hoping i could have found a network of faithful healthy mindset of women…back to the drawing board. Im sure this will be censored so it is a bit pointless for me to write but for me it feels right to say and do. Good luck to each of you.

We will be fervently praying for your ministry. We are blessed to know that you are impacting many lives world wide for Christ. Continue to pray for us as we enter this 30 day challenge together. Love you with the love of Christ. Nedra & Shon Porter

I have been reading your blog for a few months now and have wanted to let you know how much I’ve appreciated your encouragements and inspirations in being a more godly wife. I’ve also started the bible study on being the virtuous wife and it’s excellent so far!
Today I decided to find out why you call yourself the Time Warp wife and read about you. Wow! What an incredible testimony. Your life and this blog is an amazing example of the power of Grace and redemption and how it can be used for good in bringing benefit to others. What really floored me was your husband’s response of grace and forgiveness. I’m always so awed when my husband has shown me the unconditional love of Christ and it lets me experience in a more tangible way, the amazing love of God that covers our shame and guilt, undeserving as we are. It truly is a beautiful testimony. Praise God for how He turns our mourning into dancing and gives us beauty for ashes!

Darlene, I can’t remember how I first came about your blog, it has become something I check out daily for inspiration. My situation is somewhat reversed of yours, it was my husband who I caught having an affair, even though he says it was just a friendship and they did not go all the way, if you know what I mean. Still it was a long relationship and after a year of knowing and trying to repair and grow and work on it, it is still extremely difficult. He continues to sleep on the sofa and is Always on his phone, playing games and on FB. We tried counseling and that did nothing. I have tried to make date night a weekly event and he says he doesn’t think it is necessary. I cant seem to get past the words he wrote to her in a letter/song that I found that he wrote to her. I have asked him about counseling and I have also told him that we can not go on with out us both working on it. I am at a total loss!! I have prayed and prayed, maybe I praying for the wrong things. I do get mad and I do say mean things but he continues to go about the same routine. He had lost 40 pounds when seeing her and he has gained that all back, sleeps in his work clothes and I am about to lose my mind. HELP!

Dear Darlene,
I have been enjoying your daily emails but reading your testimony has touched me more than anything I’ve read so far. Right now my husband and I are divorced on paper, but I have been standing for our marriage for a year and a half, since finding a marriage ministry online. Although my husband and I had many problems, one of mine was that I too had an affair, and even though it happened 20 years ago, I always struggled with being faithful and I’m sure my precious husband knew it. Anyway, I know in my heart that God is healing and saving our marriage in His time, and I feel so blessed by Him for that. But to be honest, I never truly felt forgiven for my infidelities until reading your testimony today. I could almost feel His touch on your life, His love and forgiveness for you, and it made me realize that I have been forgiven too. I don’t know how to thank you, so I’ll just say God bless you. Always.

Tracy, I’m so glad you found your way here. There isn’t anything we could ever do to earn God’s grace. It’s for sinners. So much easier to say than it ever is to accept. You are loved by an almighty God.

Thank you For sharing your story Darlene. As I read it with tears welling up in my eyes, I pray that many other Christian men and women who read this will see how marriage should be, even when infidelity is present. I praise God for you and Michael’s testimony of loving like Jesus loves, forgiveness and healing.

This is my story – except with my husband. It’s been about 18 months since all the truth came out and we’re a work in progress. But redemption – oh, redemption. We are all just one step, one bad choice away from needing that same grace poured out in our lives. I’ve just started to share our story, in small pieces, and God is using it to open doors for conversation with others going through similar things. Mercy and grace, in abundance. Thank you for sharing this.

For us it has been a few years and while my affair wasn’t physical, it was emotional and it hurt my husband more than a physical affair I believe. My husband found out before we were engaged, and before we were married but he still married me. I told him all of those years ago that I would prove each day that he could trust me and that I wouldn’t hurt him again. Thankfully, he chose to marry me still. This man is truly my soul mate and we have had SEVERAL EXTREMELY HARD DAYS, WEEKS, & MONTHS. Some days are a lot better than others but I am confident that with more time and God’s grace, we will not become a statistic! I am determined to prove that it is not always “once a cheater, always a cheater”!

Thank you for this Darlene, the extra encouragement through reading your story today has given me more motivation to continue to press on!

Thank You so much for your transparency! In my situation my husbnd is the one who had the affair. As a result there is a child now. I have tried to hold on to my marriage giving the grace and it is so hard. I wish there was a manual for “how to get thru this.” I strongly believe in commitment and marriage and working thru our situation. Currently the light at the end of the tunnel is dim, but your blog is encouraging and motivating.

Darlene,
Thank you for your vulnerability and hope that you bring so many. After reading the above blog, I felt inspired to share your video on my blog to inspire others http://suedetweiler.com/messy-marriage/. Thanks for your encouragement that marriage should be real…

Hello Darlene, I noticed that you said “I am a sinner who is nothing without the grace of our Lord.” Then what would you say of people who are not Christians? Are they nothing, don’t people have value from the fact that God created a woman and a man, and that creation was good and valuable from the start? God sent His son to redeem humanity, not to give it value, people inherently have value because we were created by Him.

Allison, that’s a good point. Thanks for sharing it. I could probably be more sensitive with my words. What Im really trying to say is that my righteousness is nothing. The Bible refers to our own righteousness apart from Christ as filthy rags.

For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. – Galatians 6:3
I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. – John 15:5

Value is a different thing. He cares deeply about each and every one of us. God loved the world and sent His son to save us while we were yet sinners.

Ah, that makes more sense. I was concerned because some people seem to portray that people are inherently without value without Jesus’ atonement. He came to redeem us, as I said above and not to give us value. Thank you for your clarification about our own righteousness, I see what you intended to convey now.

Darlene, I just wanted to comment on the Aug 29 prayer. while I could apologize for this subscriber, I would rather spend my time telling you what your gift has meant to me. I look forward to your prayers and depend on them to plant seeds into my spirit so that I can grow into the woman God intended me to be in my marriage. thankfully, you bring to the table things that many times are not thought of. You have a gift and God is dwelling in you and blessing thousands and maybe millions of women. please don’t stop nor be shattered by the few. be encouraged that you are indeed being used by the Lord and what you open up in women’s hearts is truly a gift. blessings to you and your family

My world fell apart 09/03/15, when I discovered the same about my husband. We are in counseling and we are reading your prayers everyday. It feels that God is sending his word specifically to us through your daily prayers. Each one has been spot on for our situation. We have a very long way to go and today is another day when my heart feels broken. Yesterday it was hopeful, the day before it was angry. I’m on a roller coaster that I wish I could get off of, but this is now my journey. With professional help and most importantly God’s guidance we will be stronger eventually! Thank you for sharing everyday these prayers everyday!

I want to say so much but all my thoughts are crashing into one another and if I don’t send SOMETHING your way now, I may never. So, I’ll just say: you are brave. And thank you for your honesty. And your commitment to our Lord.
Blessings to you and yours,
your sister in Christ

What an honest and wonderful testimony. It brings me to tears. My husband was unfaithful to me and it really broke my heart. I didn’t think we were going to work things out. Really I didn’t. I was saved, but I had really strayed from God. My husband was over at our house to see the kids after the affair and ended up crying and just looked so broken. He said that he had so many “I’m sorry’s” to say to me that it was just too many for a person to forgive. Instantly I thought of the verse where Jesus is asked how many times do I forgive? Seven times? And Jesus basically replies that you keep right on forgiving. Now, I know every situation is different, but I chose to forgive my husband and put my trust back in God. It has been about five years since then and while I can’t say that I’m completely over the past (on the inside), I can say that both my husband and I have experienced a lot of healing and I’m so glad that I gave my family another chance. I have renewed my relationship with God so much over these few years and I feel so blessed. “The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”

Thank you so much for all of your honesty! Your ability to find God and truth and light and share biblical truths with us all is truly a gift. I feel blessed to have stumbled upon your website, your bible study and your testimony. My husband recently did something which made me doubt our entire marriage. But I chose to forgive. For this, I was not sure if I was weak, but the more I read the Bible, I realize that forgiveness and grace are traits of a true Christian. I am so thankful for the clarity your blog provides and the way it highlights the love walk. May God continue to bless you and your family. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

I read your testimony. It’s very beautiful. You have a great gift. I a, so glad that I have found you and am now following you. Thankeep you for letting yourself be used for God’s glory! God bless you.

Amazing transparency. Thank you for sharing your story. If gives me hope for my marriage. My husband and i were happily married for eleven years when at the age of 45, i suffered a massive stroke. My husband took his vows to heart and gave surgeons permission to perform brain surgery on me. He told my siblings and mom he didn’t care if I was in a wheelchair, he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. He takes great care of me and our son while working 50-60 hours a week. He has to help me wit hinges that a wife would never want. During my period, he assists me with sanitary pads because I’m still PARALIZED on one side. My fear, that in seeing me at my worst and taking on the role of caregiver rather than husband, it will hard to bring back the romance once I am trecovered. I wish to spend the rest of my life healed and loving him.

Wow. That’s beautiful. Romance can sometimes feel like the golden cup in marriage. The prized possession so to speak. But love like this is rare, it’s the love we all want, and it’s so worth fighting for.

Last spring when I was 41, the dr informed me that I was starting menopause, and ended up needing three exploritory surgeries for breast cancer on top of that. I found out in Aug that my hubby had messed around with a 20 something around the same time. God is Good, he came to Christ in Aug and we are working on healing but I feel so old and ugly. If I could wear a berka, sunglasses and sharpie out the rest I would. I also constantly feel like there is more to the story. I guess that is just one of the awful side effects of secret sins. What do I do? I have prayed and prayed. I am absolutely heartbroken. I thought we were each others soul mates. On top of that i hear my mother in my head all the time from 20 years ago “you will never be able to make a man happy or faithful”. Why did she have to be right about this guy? I knew my first husband was a toad before I married him. But this one??? I really thought he was one of the good ones.

Something was bothering me yesterday and my son pointed out that stress can be like a rash. The more you scratch it, the worse it gets. So I have to intentionally put thoughts behind me when they creep up. I know he’s right. Things can eat us up if we let them.

The very well could be more to the story. In most cases there is, but the details are too ugly to bring out into the open and examine. The best thing you can do is leave ugly sin in your past. Move forward together and in time wounds will heal.

Remember that even good ones fall. No one is above sin. If he came back to Christ as you said, then he’s already making good choices. So many couples break up, there is no repentance, no resolution, no future. Treasure this effort.

How do you intentionally put thoughts out of your mind? I have done EVERYTHING I can think of starting with prayer. I can’t shake it I have tried so hard. It’s not so much as what the old him did it is that I feel like the new him is still lying to me. I have gotten up the courage to ask questions and all I get in return is “I’m redeemed and that’s the end of it.” And any info I got that day in Aug I had to confront and pull out with a pair of pliers. He didn’t come forth with anything. Maybe I have misunderstood what a Christian marriage and rebuilding is. I thought it was all based on truth and communication. His friends certainly know the whole truth. Why are those muckalucks allowed to know more about my husband and marriage then I am? I ha w never felt this way before.

I have been looking at your page and was wondering what the different colors you use for highlighting the verses mean? I have a small journaling bible study group that meets at my home and if it is ok with you was going to print some examples of you work and show them what you do.

Thank you so much Darlene for your blog. You have no idea how much it has helped me just by reading your testimony. Continue to go forth in what you are doing it is helping many people whether they ever come back and tell you or not! God Bless You!

Hi Darlene, chanced upon your blog while I was trying to find some hope. My situation is on the reverse- my husband has mutual feelings for a colleague. It was revealed 3 weeks back and it was really painful for me as he told me he doesnt know what he wants or who to be with. I am holding tight to the marriage but sometimes it really is so tough. We are both young but were togther for 8 years including 2 years of marriage. But a woman he knows for barely 3 months can already pose such a threat to our marriage makes seem difficult to trust and move on. We are both christians and previously very committed in ministry. But after we stepped down, things like that happened. He told me his heart is hardened and conscience seared. Please keep us in prayers. I am standing for this marriage and believing for miracles.

Hi, I just printed the free copy of the first week of “A Virtuous LIfe”. I also just got in two of your Bible Study Journals, “Quieting your Heart” and the another one, and the “Phillipians ” journal is on its way. I am looking forward to doing these journals. My marriage is on the rocks, but I hadn’t seen it coming this time until about 5 weeks ago, but have been going thru lies and hiding things off and on mostly credit cards a good many of them, turns out he told his mom and sister that he wanted a divorce but forgot to tell me, he told them last year and I didn’t know he thought so badly of me, but this lying and hiding stuff and not seeing much of his mail and he has an address where his mom and sister are and always on computers and phones texting and all that, every year every where we have lived for 22 yrs of marriage. Long story…I am stronger now than I was, I hate having to go thru “Everything’s okay ” as long as we talk and say this, that and the other, then boom, just when you think things are going okay here it goes again, back to same ole stuff. But I’m not sure where we are headed, I am at my wits end with everything, with having to have had gone thru two Chiari Malformation surgeries myself where I had spinal fluid built up on me and it wasn’t flowing right from a spinal and neck injury, they said I was born with it, but I think when I fell 22 yrs ago down some steps when it snowed plus other things built up to my getting worse over the years, like balances, bladder, stomach, breathing, other than what we always thought it was just the weight that I struggled with and battled with, I had gotten dizzier and dizzer, I don’t think I just deal with it with myhead and neck. Thru both of my surgeries skull had to be removed, and then second surgery they took tonsils out that weren’t sitting straight or flat in cerebellum were herniated about 15 cm down where they can go into spinal column. Anyways, also took my neck muscles and severed them. They are supposed to be growed back. But I still suffer from alot of the same issues. So, I still tighten up and can’t hear good, all those muslces get tight inside. So, as you can see me and my husband have it where he has to try and take care of me. Here’s the catch. He can’t drive, he hasn’t drove since 2004 due to a wreck with seizure, lost license, but he had had the seziures since he was 12, he is 54. I’m 46. But I started not being able to drive in 2010 is when I started getting more and more dizziness, we thought it was just vertigo and meneire’s disease. But none of those meds helped from that. So, in 2012 I had to give up my piano playing and driving it was effecting my eye sight worse and worse and other things, like breathing was effected. So, we have a sticky situation. I know alot of people have to suffer. So, I know it isn’t just us. My chiari surgeries were , one in 2013 and another in 2015 (Last year), my head and neck can’t take all the stress and it’s hard for me to walk and stand at times and I use a rollator walker. I know God has brought me thru the surgeries and things. I am a christian myself . But I don’t what and why my husband goes thru what he goes thru for sure, I have tried for many years to understand it all, all the reasons I can think of. He has seizures as well. We both are on seizure medicines. Anyways, we really need your prayers….I get tired of all the hiding and lying and not know when to trust. I have done what I thought God wanted me to do , throughout the years. My husband left me to go back to Idaho in 2006 , twice he left me, once he didn’t go back, but he went far enough I had to go get him in the car. He never like me to find him out doing anything because he always gets caught before he can complete whatever he is trying to do, which I think is go back there. But he doesn’t know what he wants to do now since this last blow up and neither do I. I know what I’d like to do. But It’s really though..So, please just pray God will show us and give us a better peace. I have always tried to do the right thing. Wait on God and have hope that things will turn around with him. We both have become hurtful to each other and blow up at each other and say things we don’t mean for it to turn out that way, but I have become bitter and I know he has…So, I can’t feel like I can talk to him he won’t say much. So, It’s very hard for me. Please just pray. I know God can intervene but both parties have to know what they want it, and not him to keep waiting on right time to leave when he has more money or when he wants to. One day he is saying he loves me but that kind of love wouldn’t hurt the people they love as much as he has hurt me. but the next day he doesn’t want to show me or tell me all that was done. But as long as I don’t mention it. He won’t never tell me anyways. Help us know what to do….

The Lord sent you a saint and we all go threw trials and tribulations, but how many survive and can tell others about them in such a way of victory. We are put one this earth to serve a purpose in his plan for our heavenly father’s Glory. That purpose is for us to help show another person on this earth what a compassionate , loving, God there is and if we accept Jesus Christ we could experience peace in the mist of any storm. He will use us in ways to glorify him and him alone and in ways only he would be able to maneuver..,In this case God was exalted to the highest mountain only our father could create this outcome.. No matter what happens in life he will take our ashes and give them beauty. Thank you for excepting his call and thank u for the testimony of your husbands unwavering faith in God as he also excepted the still small whisper of God ‘s voice that could have been drowned out by the noise of betrayal but instead was singled out by the sweet sound of God’s grace and true mercy that was shown to him and given to yourself. You and your family our a blessing to many who are in deep despair not only with your story but other trials such as financial instability or a devastating illness. You show how to stand on God’s word and they also will have a chance to overcome their situation if they keep believing and not faint in our heavenly father. Continue blessings to you and your .family.

Hello Darlene!
What is your scriptural stance (Bible used) that you use in your books? I am looking for Christmas gifts for my family as well as possibly study literature for our Ladies Bible Study at my church.

First off – thanks for Anthony for putting this post together and secondly for thinking outside of the box and coming up with a new concept that hasn’t been written about before. As more and more people become outreach savvy it is important to make your email stand out form the masses. Anyone who owns a blog or website gets emails evo;yday&#8230rhew are you going to stand out?

I am new to Time Warp Wife. Just read your testimony, and it is so like ours – only the reverse. I am so thankful that when we fail, God does not toss on the “unfit” pile. I stood in the gap for my hubby for quite some time. There were days when I wanted to walk away for good. But every time I just did not think I could walk another step in this marriage, the Holy Spirit would remind me how God, in his great love and mercy, never lets go of us or gives up on us. I knew he was not giving up on my husband. So, why should I?

Today my husband is well on the road to recovery, leads a men’s Bible study in our church, and is seeing the effects of the faith he walks out every day in the lives of those around him. Last night, he sat on the couch and shared with me what an extraordinary day it had been – how the people he comes into contact with nearly every day are asking about his faith in Christ and wanting to have what he haves in his life – Jesus. He wept many tears of joy and awe at the lives that Jesus is allowing him to touch. He is a changed man, and our marriage is a miracle.
Blessings to you and your family, and thank you for sharing your testimony so willing. God is so good!

Darlene… I love your testimony!! You are a great writer, & your words are equipped to comfort the briken heart & soothe the soul, while teaching patience, firgivenness & live.
My question to you, is I thought I signed up for a on-line Bible Study about marriage, but can only find the Martiage prayers…could you please help me? And also where I might send a private email or message?? Thank you so much! In love thru Christ always… Janet

Darlene,
I just stumbled onto your website and am so glad. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a frequent guest, but just knowing there is someone sharing the power of forgiveness with others is so GOOD. AS I discover more character deficiencies in my own self, I am so amazed how God deals with me: first, in the privacy of my own heart. If that doesn’t go well, He will bring someone in to suggest the problem, maybe not identify it as mine, then, He progresses, if I am still not getting the hints. Isn’t that so sweet? And another thing I am discovering, which I must share: if we are having difficulties in our marriages, perhaps we ought to pursue a closer relationship with Christ. Didn’t God say somewhere that He wanted us to be so close to God and so blessed that others— maybe even our husbands– would become jealous and say, “I want what you’ve got!” So the ice is broken. That kind of jealousy can be restorative, and we are to be ambassadors of restoration! I love Jesus!

So you had an affair. You took your clothes off and had sex with someone other than your husband. Assuming more than once. You touched, smelt, caressed and completed intercourse with this man. Or perhaps many men.
And then you decided to write about it? On a public forum?
You thought it a good idea to make a profit on your blog by holding your husband, children and God hostage? By preaching submission and Bible tracts to somehow weaken your initial actions?
You are disgusting. What you did was disgusting. Even suggesting that grace brought you thru this is revolting.
To all the women who have posted on this blog in celebration and support of your actions, I am ashamed. Sex outside of marriage is a private, humbling human error that takes a lifetime to repair.
Using your evangelical tactics to somehow condone your promiscuity is beyond my thought process. I am fairly sure you won’t publish this comment, but I do hope you get something out of it.
I feel nothing but sorry for your gullible husband.

Oh dear, Meg. Have you never read the bible? David, he too fell in to adultery. Not just adultery, but also murder. Have you read the account of Peter? He walked with Jesus, he saw all the miracles, he was part of the ministry yet he denied it all when he denied the very Christ.
This sister in Christ is not glorifying her past, and if she could undo it, she would. There is therefore now no condemnation to those who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit. Satan comes to condemn, not God. God brings our sin to light so we can repent and once we repent, and have turned from it, we are washed so clean. Would you prefer this woman feel utterly defeated, filthy, and everything satan says to the point that she ends her life? I dont know this woman, but I read her testimony about her marriage and she never condoned or celebrated her sin. You write as someone that is has been very hurt. I can relate to that. Dont let sin against you produce sin IN you.

I was going to reply with something entirely different but then I read the comment from Meg, above mine. So I’m revising what I want to say to you.

I too, fell into sin. I could have written your testimony myself (although not so eloquently, to be sure).

I have very rarely spoken of my indiscretion. It is something I’ve lived with in the privacy of God and my husband. I earnestly believe that I would not be married today, and surely not be happily married, had my husband not shown me Gods grace, had I not seen this amazingly beautiful forgiveness that The Lord granted my husband to bestow to me. My husband is not a heartfelt and forgiving person in general. He is rough, hard, not sensitive, more of a fighting warrior type (if that makes any sense). I would have never, in a million years, expected forgiveness for what I had done. It is just incredible the way that God can turn ashes into beauty.

I would like to say a very heartfealt thank you for sharing your testimony. I have never met (to my knowledge) a woman who has been through this, like I have. i have felt alone, not in my sin, but in the restoration and amazing grace that followed.

I pray that the commenter above finds a glimpse of the heart of forgiveness that has been shown to us. I also pray that you never feel shame, or anything like it, in sharing your beautiful testimony. God is good, all of the time, in every circumstance, through every sin. If we are sinless people, His sacrifice has no meaning. If we keep our sin in the dark, we fail to give God His due Glory.

I am Bella from UNITED KINGDOM , i got married to Husband Jorge, i want to use this golden medium to appreciate Dr. Mack a great Man for helping me retrieving back my relationship with my husband when he ended and turned back on me for (6 years ago). He performed Love spell for me and for 48 hours after the Love spell had been done, i receive a text from my Ex husband saying that he is sorry for the pains and tears that he had caused me and that he will not do such thing to me again. I was surprised and i accepted him back. Anyone that is in the same line of problem or different should contact this email address. (dr_mack@yahoo. com) He is very powerful and can help you with any problem you have ..

I must convey my affection for your generosity supporting men and women that absolutely need solution to their cheating spouse . Your special commitment to solving a cheater across appeared to be amazingly productive and has in every case encouraged professionals like me to realize their goals. This useful spy guide indicates much a person like me and even more to a union who always want to know if their spouse is loyal or not. Thanks a ton; from everyone of us. Deep down in my heart I highly recommend captain spy (CAPTAINSPYHACKER2 AT GMAIL DOT COM) He is a panacea to all spy job. This is great!!!

Darlene, this truly blessed me! I to had an affair on my husband five months ago and through it all he still remain with me. I knew what I did was wrong and through this ordeal M.O.P (Married on Purpose) was birth. At this point Im ministering to another young lady who is dealing with some marriage issues right now so I know that my testimony is to help here and any other lady that come across my path.

I’ve followed you off and on throughout the years and yet tonight is the FIRST time I’m reading your story of infidelity and restoration.
I’m in AWE.
How amazing is our God for allowing your husband to have such forgiveness?
I’ve never had an affair, but I’ve experienced FIRST HAND how easy it would be to have an affair if I’m not careful. I refuse to have male friends (male acquaintances, yes, but friends, no).

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About the Author

I'm an Evangelical Christian whose number one priority is to serve Jesus Christ in every area of my life.
My husband Michael and I live in Manitoba Canada. Married 25 years, we have four children (three still at home), a bird and two pugs who are everyone's babies, especially mine! Our lives are basically surrounded with three things: our faith, music and everything books.
I’m an award winning and New York Times best-selling author who is nothing without the grace of God.
Read my testimony where I share my heart for this ministry...

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