Sudden Death

On January 1, 2009, when most of the world was celebrating a new year, the universe stood still for my family.

My husband's heart stopped. He was teaching calculus in a yeshiva in Efrat and collapsed in class. His students and the students in the next class sprang into action. They simultaneously did heart massage (that kept the blood feeding the brain, that made the critical difference), ran for the dorm rabbi who was an army medic who did mouth to mouth, and contacted MDA (Magen David Adom) who sent the Efrat emergency medical team at the speed of light; they shocked his heart to get it working again, though he did not regain consciousness.

Yaakov was rushed to the hospital and treated with a combination of induced coma and hypothermia, whose goal is to protect the brain. The terms the doctors used at the Shaarei Tzedek Medical Center, when speaking to me, were, "If he wakes up" and "to reduce the brain damage…"

That Friday and Shabbat were long and thoughtful. I felt shock more than worry or pain. I couldn't let go of the book of Psalms, even though I didn't read from it every minute, and spent time just watching him and thinking. The night before when the doctors sent me home to sleep, I made the mistake of surfing the net for an hour on "ventricular fibrillation." I understood what the main possibilities were: he could die, he could end up in indefinite coma limbo or with significant brain damage, or with lighter brain/neurological damage.

There was the rarer possibility that there would be no brain damage or neurological disability at all. The doctors did not talk about this, perhaps in order to not raise my hopes. I wondered which of these consequences God had decreed for my husband and our family.

I felt what Jews must have felt when Haman's decree was like a knife at their throats.

In a very personal and individual sense, I felt what the Jewish people must have felt when Haman's decree was like a knife at their throats and they had no idea whether or not they would survive. I had recently taken to thinking, "God always has a plan." I beckoned that belief now. It gave me comfort and purpose.

My children and I left Yaakov's bedside for a little while to share a Shabbat meal in the Shaarei Tzedek dining room, during which time I looked around the table, at the paleness we felt without his presence, and thought, "No matter what the outcome is, this may be the rest of your life."

The Flutter

The nurses wouldn't let me sleep in Yaakov's room, and his sister, who works in the hospital, had arranged a small room for me. Sleep would not come, and finally, at 4:45 AM, I slowly climbed the steps back to the tenth floor ICU, bracing myself for disappointment. They had told me it could take days for him to awaken, even after they had stopped the coma medicine (about eight hours earlier).

I approached the room and saw, from afar, an eyelid flutter.

Yaakov awoke almost 34 hours after the coma was induced, early on Shabbat morning.

That afternoon my children and I already laughed and sang Sabbath songs with him.

A friend stopped by the next day and asked Yaakov what he was teaching just before he lost consciousness. He proceeded to explain by giving a short and lucid recap of his math lesson. He read books we brought him from home and from the hospital library, and spoke about the articles and books he'd like to write.

The fact that he was alive and with no brain damage after an event of ventricular fibrillation, which has a low survival rate when it happens outside of a hospital, was considered, in our layman's language, a miracle – part of the miracle being that he got such excellent and immediate medical care due to the students. The doctors who treated him said it was one of their great successes of recent time.

It is frightening because it is something that can happen at any age, without any warning, and it is usually fatal. While Yaakov was in the induced coma, the students in the school and much of the community were immersed in the saying of Psalms; he is a very beloved teacher of math, Hassidut and Talmud, and a ba'al koreh (Torah reader). I sent a message to the students and to the community requesting that in addition to the saying of Psalms, everyone take upon themselves the quality of "dan l'kaf zchut" (giving someone the benefit of the doubt) regarding one person against whom they have a complaint. This would serve as a merit to my husband who excelled in this quality.

The note on his hospital discharge sheet read: Reason for hospitalization: Sudden death.

When the head of the education department and the mayor called asking what they could do, I asked that the principals and the local council encourage as many students and adults as possible to volunteer for MDA and to learn CPR.

When the Rosh Yeshiva of the school came to visit my husband after he had awoken, he made the blessing on "God who has brought the dead back to life," using the full name of God – a rare occurrence. This was confirmed by the head of the Efrat emergency medical team and by the note on his hospital discharge sheet: Reason for hospitalization: Sudden death.

Six days after Yaakov entered the hospital, he walked out alive and well and with a mind sharper than ever, with a defibrillator implanted in his chest. Four days later he was teaching part time; the following week, full time. (One of the first questions he asked when he awoke had been, "Who will prepare the students for their matriculation exams?") The week after he left the hospital he was reading the Torah in shul again.

When friends ask me how he's doing, I just say, "Baruch Hashem." When they ask how I'm doing, I say, "It's a life-changing experience. I've been trying to be a better person, and it's exhausting!"

The SMS I sent to friends and family when the Shabbat was over had been a one-liner: "Hodu l'Hashem ki tov" – Give thanks to God for He is good.

We don't know what God plans for us. When things look bleak, we have our faith to hold onto, our loved ones, our prayer, and the memory that once, long ago, the Jewish people led by Mordechai and Esther, did not despair, and a miracle brought them through the darkness.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 20

(17)
Tonna,
December 28, 2012 2:55 AM

when G-d doesn't answer as we wish...

Your article caught my eye...especially, because of the mention of heart attack. I very recently lost my beloved David, may his memory be for a blessing...the love of my life. We were all so very hopeful for his recovery, as his condition was improving, though it seemed that with each improvement, there would then be a few steps back. Unfortunately, David was just not able to recover from everything as all his organs had begun to shut down. We were blessed though, in that we were able to be with him when he passed, he knew that we were there and that we loved him...that we would be "okay" and it was all right to "go" if that was what he needed to do. Within a very short time after that, he passed. I am still hurting, still expecting for him to be sitting in his chair in the evening...I can still hear his beautiful voice. I am working through things...a bit at a time. It hasn't been a month yet...though, in each day, there is a bit more "ok" time than the day before.
We were only together for a short time, about six years...but, a 100 years would not have been enough. We truly were "one"...he was someone that comes around once in a lifetime...I was so blessed that part of that lifetime was with me.
Thank you for your article...may G-d continue to bless you and your family!

Toby Klein Greenwald,
March 11, 2013 11:19 PM

Just saw your comment

Dear Tonna, I just saw your comment. I was looking up my article as I had to share it with someone else who is unfortunately going through this right now with her brother. I'm happy that it was meaningful for you and I hope that you are finding some peace and comfort. G-d bless you. Toby

(16)
Sara Layah,
January 3, 2012 7:32 AM

Inspirational sharing

Thank you for this inspirational and powerful sharing! So much to learn from it and on so many different levels...

(15)
Varda Epstein,
March 18, 2011 10:58 AM

Nes Gadol

Your article helped me feel the suddenness, the shock, and the miraculous nature of what happened here. I wish you and Yaakov long productive, healthy years together!

Toby,
May 17, 2011 1:37 AM

Thanks

Varda, I just read your comment now when I looked up the article to send it to someone. Thanks! You too. T

(14)
jc,
February 8, 2010 6:52 PM

my brother died sudden arithimia at 44 while joggin at track, 3 years ago today the 8th of feb, sorta ruins your whole life ,

(13)
Rivkah,
March 4, 2009 2:30 AM

Toby, I had no idea until I read this beautiful article of yours! Thank G-d your dear husband still has work to do in this world and G-d has merited us with his presence! And because I love my soap-box so much I''m going to shout (even though it was clear in context) that Rav Yaakov''s yeshiva students are HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS! They are KIDS. Youth are not only our future, they are our present. And if we are zoche to grow as we ourselves nurture them, they are our salvation, no matter what their mission and purpose. In this case so very literally. Thank you Hashem for each and every one of them! May we see the the complete redemption soon and in our days!

(12)
andrea,
March 3, 2009 4:22 PM

what if the outcome is bad? (obviously not for this story)

so, i see in the comments something that really makes me wonder how much of g-ds will we accept when we talk about how wonders and miracles are g-ds will and how he is looking out for us, but not when the outcome is bad.
when the outcome is bad, g-d is still willing this to happen. i say bad and i mean we think it is bad because we do not like it, but in fact if you accept g-ds will, a person dying suddenly is no less g-d with us than a person surviving. miracle, yes, but i cannot imagine that sudden death in itself is inherently bad if it is g-ds will.
of course, as human beings, we mourn and it affects us horribly, so it is painful, but theoretically, we should be grateful for g-ds will all the time, whether we like it or not.
for that matter, just because tehillim are said and someone dies anyways, does not mean that the tehillim were for naught. it just means, they went where g-d wanted them to go- perhaps even to the merit of the niftar- that is where faith comes in.

Sarah Rivka,
June 11, 2013 5:26 AM

Yes, my uncle died recently, suddenly, from a heart attack. A friend gave my mom strength by pointing out that Hashem took him because he'd finished whatever job he was supposed to do. Everything is from Hashem.

(11)
Rachel,
March 2, 2009 1:05 PM

My medical miracle

I survived a hemorrhagic stroke. I was in a coma for 2 weeks. I am absolutely positive that this was a miracle. The other great miracles were how many people came together to help my family, whether through financial assitance, providing meals, spending time with our children, providing rides to dr's appts, etc. All this for little old me -- not a queen, a celebrity, a world leader, just a suburban wife/mom/daughter/sister/lawyer.
Every day since then, the Shehecheyanu prayer has been in my heart.

(10)
Anonymous,
March 2, 2009 5:43 AM

we have a wonderful God!

I to have course to thank God for a small miracle. My 17 year old son was involved in a car accident a few week ago,where the driver was going to fast down a small country road,the car had to swerve and in doing so rolled over into a feld (several times) the car was compleatly recked,yet my son and the others in the car walked out compleatley un harmed with only 1 small scratch to show that any thing had happened.

(9)
Jolie Greiff,
March 2, 2009 5:38 AM

miracle

What a lovely essay. It reminds us that indeed there are miracles today.
Jolie Greiff

(8)
Anonymous,
March 1, 2009 4:40 PM

reassurance

When we trust, G-d, we are reassured that He is in control and has good hands with the world and His children...Only G-d may know why my late grandmother suddenly past away over a year ago due to unexplained lung cancer.

(7)
Rev. Bruce Hachey,
March 1, 2009 12:09 PM

It's wonderful how God is so faithful to His children

It was interesting to read this story because currently we are studying the book of Esther . Though God's Name is not mentioned we know He is directing things.

(6)
dvora waysman,
March 1, 2009 11:56 AM

Your husband's recovery

Dear Toby,
I am so happy for you, to have experienced this miracle in your husband's return to full recovery. I wish him a continued "refuah shelama" and I'm sure your many good deeds, and his, merited this wonderful reprieve.
Dvora

(5)
Anonymous,
March 1, 2009 11:01 AM

hodu l'hashem ki tov.

may your family have only good health and nachas .

(4)
ruth housman,
March 1, 2009 10:26 AM

Purim: what is, Pure

this is a story about love and it is a beautiful story about people who loved and do love a great teacher and about his family who had their own hearts in their mouths, waiting to find out, whether he would live, or die and hoping for a full recovery. Happily, he recovered and it was a moment of great thanks and an ongoing blessing that did remind his family and others, how easily it can happen, that movement, into darkness, and the fear of suddenly having to let go, of what is so precious, so beloved, it shines so much more in awareness when loss is imminent.
There are profound metaphoric connects we can all of us make in our lives, and there are such mirrors in time, as this being about the connects with Purim, with Esther whose name means star.
There are miracles that do emerge out of darkness, that splendor of darkness. For some have written that God's hidden face is within the darkness, and that there is always light, even in the darkest of places.
Thank you for the beauty of this article and for the blessings within and at the end. Yes, the light. Let there be, Light!

(3)
Trevor Wilson,
March 1, 2009 9:04 AM

May you be blessed of Hashem

Thank you ever so much for your eloquent and articulate description of what must have been a desperate moment in time. I am encouraged to daily readings of the Tehillim and their hope in Hashem and His promises.

(2)
Anonymous,
March 1, 2009 8:29 AM

AMAZING

This story has really given me faith in times of dark. a true miracle !

(1)
Ruth Shlossman,
March 1, 2009 5:36 AM

not surprised

After I read the article and realized it was you,I said I am not surprised because you are so beloved to the Almighty!

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!