Sunday, June 29, 2008

In the last week you guys have seen how horrible my band has been acting. It's HAS to be because of them. Plus I feel nothing. I don't really feel like I have any emotion. Apart from wanting to bawl my eyes out at every moment of the day. I went on them to make my skin better, he's given me a cream for that. So I will continue to use the cream and ditch the troches. I have been doing reading also and they are looked upon with great support. Plus my weight has gone from losing a kilo a week to actually gaining.

Todays goal results:1- yes! did 30 mins on treadmill!2- Yeap! Drank over 1.5 L water today3- Success! I didn't go near the scales!

Will post again tomorrow with news on my weekly goals.Hoping by tomorrow or Tuesday I am feeling back to my old self. I hate this lifeless Bridget.

Inspired by Sami and Gabrielle, I've decided in order to shift this weight (I'm stuck on 103) I need to set mini goals. I'm going to steal the idea off the girls and set them for each week. I think its a brilliant idea and excellent motivator. I want so so so so bad to be under 100 for my 21st. Something seems to want to test me since I've so far had an easy ride. Something wants to see what I am really made of. Every time in the past I've set goals I've never been able to make them. Well not this time. No more sitting by whilst the scales stay the same. Time to kick my butt into the next gear.

This weeks mini goal is:* At least 4 work out this week lasting 30 mins or more* Drink at least 1.5 Litres of water a day* Do NOT look at scales until next Friday when at dietician. (I was 105 on theres so need to be under this then)

So there are the three goals for the week.In hormonal news, heres whats new with the troches. The troches are the things that the specialist gave me to help correct hormones and reduce fluid retention, acne and weight. So far I have noticed a huge improvement with my skin. As for the weight, well its actually something I am really going to have to pay attention too. Since being on troches I have lost restriction so will have to make sure I dont put anything on. Fluid retention still there. Had a horribly hormonal day. Cried a bit, frowned a bit, and moped around. I cannot sleep as you are probably aware because of such late post. A part of the wonderful PCOS. Dr has given me progesterone tablets to help me sleep as it is only at certain parts of my cycle I cannot. I was a little upset today when my stomach doubled in size and I had to waddle around looking like I was 8 month pregnant. I thought that this was meant to be fixed?? Maybe I am asking too much after only starting them a week ago. It's just that I so want this to work. If it doesn't I feel like I am totally going to give up.

8 days until next fill! Cannot wait! Will be asking for a big one this time around! Always gone for little ones to be safe but I can tell mumma needs a big one! Lol.I was thinking today about this blog. I was thinking about how disconnected I feel from it. I think that I have more success when I am writing about whats happening and am able to decompress. Its such a support for me. So maybe that should be another goal of mine, to lean on blog again for support.

Off to attempt to get some sleep. Tomorrow consists of tafe work, vaccuming, sleep in, 30 mins on treadmill and preschool programming. Joy joy joy!

Friday, June 27, 2008

I swear my band has a mind of her own! The last week has been really confusing with reflux,nausea, being starving and now back to restriction!! I cannot make any sense of it. I think I'm back to taking one day at a time.Went for a 3 km walk yesterday, was going to do a 5 km but I forgot to put bandaids on my little toes and ended up with blisters. I also played netball last night and.................................................. WE WON!!!! Yay! I felt like I had a lot more energy and stamina during this game. I definately want to do netball twice a week next season. It's just a matter of putting a team together!Food wise yesterdayL- 2 fish portions and 3 cruskitsD- thai sweet chilli chicken wrap

After the wrap I felt sick. I wanted to throw it up. It was too much. I was pretty confused about why I could eat so much for lunch and not for dinner. But oh well! I've just had a cup of noodles and I am so crazy full. I'm going to have to get my head back to small portions again. I few days of larger ones and I'm all outta whack.

No 5 km walk today, a little sore. Thinking of hitting the treadmill later today however. I want to shift these kilos and get under 100. I am so close and I don't want it to take too long!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Ok, so I think I've worked it out. All these crazy symptoms started on Saturday/Sunday. Well I started the troches on Friday! Its hormonal! I have no restriction due to hormones! So cancelling barium on Friday because nausea/reflux is gone. I'm just left with MASSIVE hunger. I've never been this hungry whilst having the band. I cannot get in for a fill until July 7th (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh) so the next 12 days are going to be a challenge. I am so so so so hungry! But starting the walking again tomorrow so that will help. I dont want to put on ANY weight. I want to at least stay the same but going to try and lose.Since using the progesterone based cream for my acne, my skin has gotten a lot better. I wish I had taken before and after photos but I didnt. I can't wait to see the outcome in a week or two, hopefully skin will be completely clear!I am a little paranoid now about no restriction. My little safety net of no hunger is gone. Its a little scary! It's a little bump in my journey, I will get through it. I am determined to get to my birthday goal.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

So I couldn't get in to see my surgeon yesterday. So I spent the day in bed doing tafe work. I had reflux until about midday then it went away. I've felt nauseous ever since.I went to see him this afternoon (boss was super happy about that). I have to have a barium on Friday if I don't feel any better. Then Dr will let me know whats up with Barbie. Dr wanted me to have a fill on Monday, but there are no appointments avaliable for two weeks! It's going to be a tough two weeks guy, I am really going to need your support! I cannot fall of the wagon!

I have lost 3 kilos in the last 2 weeks from being sick. Dr didn't like that, I did! I am so close to getting to my goal for my 21st, this next two weeks will be a hurdle I am determined to get over. Not only NOT put on weight, but lose!

Thankyou so much everyone for the comments. Really appreciated it!Staff at work noticed I've lost weight. I would hope so, I've lost 18 kilos!!! Can't wait for the next two (20 kilos lost omg!!), then 3.1 (99.9!)Myf wrote a beautiful comment on a recent post of mine about how I need to start living my life now, no wait until a certain weight. I think I am doing that in most aspects of my life. I am being more assertive in work situations and I also have more confidence. Only thing I'm still wary of is the guy thing but I think I am slowly getting there.

Promise to write a longer post in the next few days detailing whats going on band wise and life wise. Still would love tips from all about how to get to my goal, food that is really band friendly and healthy and any exercise tips! So close to my goal! Bring it on!!!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Off to Doctors first thing in the morning, I think I might have a band slip. I am suffering from reflux and I'm constantly starving. You know when you can just tell that something isnt right??? Something doesn't feel right. So I've taken day off to double check.....I hope that I am wrong. Please be wrong....

I am thinking maybe another little fill just to take the edge off the food.Back into walking on Thursday. I am actually pretty excited!Any tips to shed these last few kilos til im under 100 would be GREATLY appreciated.

Up late thinking. Plus I slept in today until 1 pm! I must have really needed it!I am still sick so planning to go to the doctors tomorrow to see what they can do about this thing I've had for a month on Monday. It hasnt been fun. Tonight I was dry reaching and that was scary. I couldnt stop thinking about my band, worrying something will happen to it. So definately need to address the coughing. I need to be 100% also as we have accreditation anytime now at work and me coughing all over the place doesn't look good. I'm also dropping things all the time lol.Today is technically Friday so that means its a big day for me. Today I start my new tablets to help correct my hormones. I'm hoping and praying that it helps with lots of things going on with my body, including my bloody skin. It has been a little better these days but definately definately still horrible. I am not trying to get too excited though, I've been through the "this time it really will work" thing too many times to put all my excited energy into it. I do have a great feeling it will work though from all the great feedback I have from people who have seen this Doctor.I know I havent really been myself with the blogging lately. I'm sort of all up in the air. I can feel the change in who I am. And its happening and its not. Its so hard to explain! I keep saying "when I get under 100 i'll be a different person". I don't think that I should be expecting that of myself. I really can't wait until Im 95. Because when I start losing after that I won't know myself. I haven't been under that weight in a long time so it will be a little scary. Yes, its just a number. But very symbolic.Thankyou to all the wonderful people who left me comments on my last post. That was a very hormonal day. Yucky!!! Such strength I find somedays from the fact that people actually care enough to wonder whats happening with me. I hope you are still out there reading, even though I post a little less. Now that I won't have as many after work commitments (like 4 hr staff meetings!!!) I will have a little more time to decompress.Banding wise, I was having a lot of stucks on the weekend. My own fault. Doing a lot better now, concentrating on bites a little more. Can see portion sizes coming down all the time. And also a lot less need for food. I had my first banana on Wednesday since banding. I loved it. Mashed it up so it was easier to eat. Slowly getting there with the veggies and fruit!Today I've had:B- was at 2.30 because I got up so late!!! 2 mini tortillas with cheese,ham and sweet chilli sauceD- sweet thai chilli chicken wrapS- rice crackers and cheese.About to have good old multivitamin and iron tablet then off to bed. I'm getting hair cut tomorrow as its well overdue!! Will post some pics!

Weighed in this morning......103.6!!! Woooohhhh!!! I'm 3.7 kilos away from the all important 99.9!! After I get well I am going to get back into the swing of things walking wise. I am missing it. Anyone want to give me some tips to get under 100? Any advise would be so very helpful! And I'm sure other bandsters would love it too!

-skinny "getting there" biddy :0)

Forgot to add...... i changed my goal weight back to 70. had it at 66 for awhile but dont think thats what i want anymore. this of course might change again. Lol.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I woke up an hour before my alarm went off. I wish I had gone back to bed. It was one of those days that I just wished I could skip over.I am still sick, I have worst pms, im stressed over impending accreditation at work, dont have any time to do tafe work and I picked the WORST weekend to completely re-arrange my room. I moved it around because I wanted to be away from window with winter. But I didnt realise what a huge task it was. So now my room looks like a bomb has hit it and I dont have anytime until Friday to organise it.Food wasnt a friend today due to stress and impending Aunty Flo. I have a weirdness where I can eat anything and lose all restriction for a few days before hand. Then day or close to I can't eat. I managed to eat dinner, Spag Bol. I am noticing last few days that I am having issues with stucks. I should be slowing down with my eating. Something I will work on in the next few days. Fill now up to 5.1 mls so its slowing me down.4.6 kilos until 99.9!!! I will try try try to get some exercise in to help shift that weight. I really do wanna be under 100 for my 21st!Another busy week ahead. I can see restriction kicking in because of the amount of stress with work. I will try and not get so worked up.Off to write a things to do list.Oh...hair isnt falling out as much now! Yay!!

Friday, June 13, 2008

I plan to watch scary movies tonight. Just to let you know. I wish I was on programming today at preschool, I so would have made best use of the date and gone all out with everything.

Feeling the effects of my fill yesterday. Today's food diary:

B- cup of teaSnack- handful of cashewsLunch- a third of a slice of quicheSnack- cheese and crackers (def not amount i could previously eat)Dinner- seaweed salad, 1 chicken teryaki sushi roll and three bits of cucumber sushi roll

I must admit I was hungry before my snack this morning. But its not like it used to be like before band. Before band I couldn't focus on anything else when I was hungry. Now I notice my tumble is rumbling, acknowledge I'm hungry then move on. It's great!I got my new charm today! Its a pretty star. Love it! Will take a photo of my bracelet and post on my photo gallery soon.Busy weekend for me. Tomorrow I am babysitting for 6 hours, then I'm coming home and completely re-arranging my room. Now, that sounds not too hard. But guys, if you saw how complicated my room is then you'd understand. It's going to take me a loooong time to fix. But I need to more it closer to heater and away from wall. Plus I feel like I am ready to change it. My room is my safe place, it represents me to a tee. So since I have changed so much, I want my room to. (oh and it soo doesnt work anymore, i need to be more organised and have more space).In the morning I will weigh in, let you know how I am going with my little challenge. It feels sooooo do-able.

Off to watch scary movies. This time next year I'll hopefully be cuddling up to someone watching them. Have a super weekend cyber buddies. Treat yourself to something special.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

If you have a little look at the ticker today you'll notice its been three months since the best day of my life! And in that time wow have things changed. I don't really want to reflect right now because I'm in busy mode but I am proud of myself for how far I have come.Today's fill was .3mls. Takes me up to 5.1 mls in my ASP band (which takes about 7mls but you can go a little higher). I weighed in on Drs scales at 108. On home scales I'm 105/104. Thinking I'll roll with home number. NOT because its lower, because I weigh myself more on those. So 15 kilos lost on Drs...16.4 kilos lost on home. Pretty amazing! Especially in three months, and especially with PCOS!Feeling a lot better today. I was very very sick on the weekend and throughout the week. My port seems to have tipped a little as a result of all the coughing. That's ok though, just means to needle has to be positioned a little differently when having fills. I was worried that band had slipped. Lol. Seriously, if you had heard me coughing, you would too.Netball tonight. Looking forward to it.Better go do some studying. Oh, well first I have to go clean my room. Ants all over the place its horrible. I pride myself on a clean room. Tisk tisk.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I wrote the title for this blog now I'm in two minds. Too dirty? Because its not meant to be!! You dirty little cyber people!!Fill tomorrow. Not looking forward to scales. Always heavier on theres. Plus I was naughty tonight and out take away. But hoping that they show the loss of 15 kilos. Will be happy. Only asking for .2mls i think. Maybe a little more. Not sure. I just wanna fix portion sizing. I know thats something I need to work on though.Nothing much else to write. I am exhausted. Work is really taking it out of me. I was looking forward to four days off to do studying. Not the case. I'm working two extra days and at Drs for half day tomorrow. I can't wait til sleep in on Sunday. Mmmmm.....Will let you know how fill goes tomorrow. And will take photos tomorrow of the 3 months since banding.-bridget

On the scales this morning......I've lost 15.6 kilos!! I am still losing weight!!!???!! Wow! Wake me up from this dream guys, because by now if I was on a diet I would have already started to put the weight back on. Not too long until I've lost 20 kilos either!!! I love Barbie. I love Barbie. I love Barbie!!!Talking to my friend Katie (shout out!!), I decided that I want to be under 100 for my 21st. So I have 8 weeks to lose 5.5 kilos. I honestly think that is soooo do able! Maybe I could even lose more!! I think its the best birthday present I can give myself. I am very motivated to doing this. So that's my planned goal at the moment. Will need your support though!Haven't eaten yest today so no food diary! Lol. But planned today is either eggs and cruskits or roast beef and hommus on cruskits. Dinner will be rack of lamb marinated in rosemary and garlic (omg yum!!) to celebrate my wonderful mum starting her new job tomorrow. This is a very big deal for her and I'm so proud she left that horrible job she was in for a place that seems so positive!! Go mummy! Lol.Has anyone seen Sex and the City yet? I saw it twice on weekend.. still thinking of how amazing it is. Can't wait for dvd to come out!As soon as this fucking cold thing that I'm taking antibiotics for decides to move along to someone else I am back into exercise.Off to see an advanced screening of SpeedRacer tonight. Thanks Nicole! Lol.Hope everyone had an amazing long weekend.

p.s: if anyone from the blog is emailing me, please put "banding" in subject line. I am getting lots of junk emails and deleting them so if you have not written something to do with banding in subject im afraid I've unintentionally deleted yours!!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Sorry guys I haven't posted. I haven't been home to post since Friday.Been out with friends all weekend (first time EVER i've had a social life! Loving it!). And this bloody cold/flu thing I have just wont seem to piss the hell off!!Friday was the big appoinment with the hormone specialist. He is a Doctor who believes in a natural approach. So he wants me to cut out wheat and dairy. I don't have a lot of wheat so thats cool but as for the dairy, I'm not giving it up. Mum said he says that to everyone (she saw him last year and so did my nan) so not to take that on board. The type of treatment he uses is a type of hormone replacement. Its as naturally close to the real hormone as possible. So he has worked out a plan for certain times of my menstrual cycle to take certain hormones as my body produces too much testosterone. He asked me what my main concerns were and I told him it was acne and fluid retention. So he has made up a face wash to eliminate the testosterone that causes acne, and a tablet to take for fluid rentention. Included in that tablet is something to help me sleep. Because with PCOS sleep patterns are all over the place so that will really help.I am going back to him in a few months to review it.This weekend has been really bad food wise. I havent eaten much as I'm not hungry, but not ever full. Weird. I can still eat a lot also. Fill Thursday. Not sure how much to get. Want more restriction so I can decrease portions.Found out on Thursday that our preschool accreditation is A LOT earlier than we thought. So its panic stations at work.Haven't done any studying or my tafe assignment this week. Feel really bad about that. So spending all day tomorrow doing it.Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend. Missed blogging, will do more of it. And will also take some photos in next few days to put up in photo gallery. Heres address if you havent checked it out yet....http://bridgetparkerphotogallery.blogspot.com

Friday, June 6, 2008

People! It happend!!! Jumped on scales this morning and after a few wrong answers (i had them in wrong position- yes they are a little highly strung!) I've done it!!!! I've lost 15.1 kilos! That means I gotta go get my next charm!!! Woo hoo!!Off to Drs appoinment in a few hours!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

So still sick. Yuk. I didn't play netball tonight. I went and watched. Felt really bad that I couldn't. But will be back on the court next week bitches.... so watch your backs!!!Tomorrow I have the appointment with the specialist in regards to my PCOS. So I'm very excited and a little anxious about it. I have been to so many doctors that have said to me "i can help you with this, in 6 months you'll be a different person". Cut to 6 months later things havent changed and the Drs seemed to be pissed at me because I didn't turn out the way they "expected" me to.I do feel different about this Dr (prob said that about everyone). Mum went to see him late last year and he really really helped her. No more menopausal symptoms for her. When she actually asked hom about me he said "i feel really sorry for all the young women out there who have pcos. bring her in here and i'll fix her up". That's gotta be a good sign!So wish me luck! I'm having a million tests done. He better not ask for an internal ultrasound. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING THERE DUDE. IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFETIME!

Hopped onto the scales this morning....300 grams to go until the 15 kilos lost!! Most weight I've ever lost so very important to me! Then its next goal of under 100!No food diary....all ive had today is half a sweet chilli chicken wrap.Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'm busy busy busy! And of course sick, that had to happen!Love skinny "sick of sick" biddy :0)

Monday, June 2, 2008

We had photos today at preschool. I was dreading it all weekend. But I woke up this morning not caring. So what. Its a moment of my life that I can look back on this time next year and say "I remember that girl. But look at me now!!" I have to face them Wednesday and Friday also!!Last week I was eating too many carbs for lunch. I wasn't sure really what to have. Sooooo this week I am going to make more of an effort.Todays food diary

B- teaLunch- rice wheels, 4 cruskits with roast beef and hommusSnack- few spoonfuls of last nights chinese (shhh)Dinner- Cheese and Spinich GnocciSnack- few squares of chocolate

****Please note**** I am very aware of lack of fruit and veg.

Jam packed week!!! Will be glad when Friday afternoon arrives! Me and the AMAZING kristie (and no, im not just writing that because she is reading- hehehe- she is, deal with it!) are going out. Good end to the week.I have that Drs appoinment on Friday. Its for the Dr who specialises in correcting hormones. I've started writing a list of questions that I have to ask him. Including:"dude, what the fuck is wrong with the face??""totally gross...i am losing my hair! what am i a 60 year old male now?"and my last statement/threatfix it....like....NOW!!!!

nothing else to report. Life is good, actually life is great. All I need now is the love of my life to walk up to me,smile and say "i've been looking for you"