Oh, gentlemen, perhaps I really regard myself as an intelligent man only because throughout my entire life I’ve never been able to start or finish anything... Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends. He has others which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But finally there are still others which a man is even afraid to tell himself...

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Scary Nights and Tyranny

Tonight is a scary night despite so many things that relay a sense of security. The scene in Tahrir completely festive, friends I’ve met, people I’ve talked to. The army is protecting people against the tyranny of the police. Tomorrow the million march begins and what scares me is that I have too many questions about what just happened this past month.

A church bombing; a policeman killing copts, police brutality. All of these took place. Surprisingly enough the army moved in and nobody was hurt. The army protected Egyptians. For a while, no one knew whose side the army was on. Then, the army made it clear that it means the people no harm. But who controls the army, isn’t it Hosny Mubarak? If he was behind police violence, why did he not order the army to shoot at protesters? Did he give the order and did the army refuse?

So many questions and mixed messages that cannot be interpreted easily. Passion is blind and does not ask for explanations and that’s why I suppress my passion and search for answers. If Mubarak controlled the police, why did he order them out of every inch of the country at the same time? But at the same time, why did the army take steps to fill that void?

Is Mubarak sinister? I don’t have the answer to that question, because I’m not looking for my answer through passion. Is Mubarak capable of such grand treason to the people of Egypt? Why then has he kept Egypt out of wars and bloodshed. He may sell parts of the country, he may make friends with our enemies, but is he a man who has no regard for human life? He may not care for people’s financial well being, but is he mad enough to tear down everything he has built?

I’ve liked Mubarak on a personal level. He can be funny sometimes and is largely considered a war hero. Whenever anyone he knows gets sick, he calls, for he knows that health is such an important thing. In my opinion he does so out of a sense of respect for that matter. He is a tyrant however and cannot be trusted. I loathe the way he runs the country, and I believe that whether it is intentional or out of ignorance, the result is that he must leave sooner or later. Unlike the rest of the revolution, I opt for later.

The truth is that Arabs have seldom had an ex –president, and that would be nice to have. He hasn’t massacred people like a Stalin, he hasn’t sent our troops to die for another person’s war like Nasser. In fact, he hasn’t done anything but take away our dignity. He should stay in Egypt and be tried for the dereliction of his duties.

I’ve said this before but no one really listened, we’ve already won, but we just don’t realize it. We have made our voices heard, worn down the seemingly invincible police, brought in the army and for the first time applied enough pressure for immediate change.

A voice of reason asks me not to make this overthrow an illegitimate one. I want to wait so as to do it right. I fear for the plans of these power hungry men to subdue us again, but I feel it is our duty to do things right and not be like them. We can’t be unlawful just because they are. We’re becoming the new tyrants. Each of us, from the oppression and injustice we faced exploded into self righteousness and from there on tyranny.

The messages are mixed. Omar Suliman, the vice president has promised to talk things out with opposition, and at the same time he promised to uphold the rule of law. That sounds promising but is it true? Many things make me doubt the regime’s intentions. Why has the internet been blocked? Will the phones be blocked? Why?

All I know is that we have power, and we need to negotiate our terms with someone. It took them so long to do this, and while the decision may be delayed due to unforeseen reasons, it seems that they don’t want to give us what we want.

Today is a night to be remembered. Are we being played by various forces? Why did burglars try to break into Maspero (the television building), why were there documents that asked protesters to occupy Maspero. There is a grand conspiracy out there somewhere, and it may be that the young people were being played. I feel there are so many unanswered questions and my theories which I did not share may all be false. At times like these, despite my innumerable thoughts and hypotheses, I will do nothing but pray. For with such unknown odds, one must ask the powers that be to allow the best to happen. I pray for no bloodshed, too much has been spilt already. I pray for no chaos, too much has taken place already. I pray for justice, too much injustice has been served to us already.

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