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All He Wants

We keep running. Everyone has something they run from and we just keep running. Whether it’s by eating, getting drunk, or quite literally packing up your car and driving. We will not face what ever it is that scares us, condemns us, or makes us feel. Why? Because we lose control and we are no longer safe from being wrong. We can be rejected, changed, or forced to accept reality.

A small example is that you are at a party and you see someone who doesn’t completely suck. Your friends nudge you to make a move but what if… the what ifs are endless. So instead your friend, without your knowledge, yells, “Hey good looking, this girl wants your number!” He nods and keeps talking to his buddy. What do you do? You have fun, go home, and down a whole gallon of ice cream. Why? You didn’t want to think about the fact that you were hurt about good looking not giving you his digits. “It was stupid to think he would.” No it wasn’t! Would it have helped if you went up and asked him yourself? Yeah but fear got in the way and that is okay as long as you don’t let it hold you back from living life.

Sometimes people just can’t handle stressful situations. My aunt used to get in her car and just drive away. We would be trying to tell her that she handled a situation incorrectly or that she was treating someone badly and she would get so confronted and not be able to take the criticism that she would leave in her car and we wouldn’t know where she was for hours. She got that trait from my grandmother. My grandmother would leave for days and not tell anyone. She would go to different states too.

My family also had another bad way of dealing with their problems, drinking. I should probably say getting drunk. Almost everyone in my family is a recovering alcoholic and has been in AA. Seeing how every one around me, even friends, run from conflict and problems drives me crazy. The gossip is horrendous and I’ve been guilty of it.

Ever since I went through my anger-towards-the-world phase in freshman year, I have had to fix everything with every one. And after I made my amends, I would have to fix everything that ever happened between me and someone else as soon as it happened. I can’t handle bad blood but I recently have been having to learn that I can’t fix things with people who don’t want things to be fixed. I also have come to know that letting go of things that are unresolved is the hardest thing to do. I can’t accept that me and someone I love could no longer be on good terms with one another. And it’s all about myself. I don’t want to be alone.

For me personally, rejection and how people think of me are the things I run from. I have to please everyone I love. I always have to know what people think of me and I over think about how people perceive me. I have to stop and remember that the only person I serve is God. I should only care about how he perceives me. I can say that I haven’t been showing up for him in life as much as I should. That should concern me more then anything else. So when I have these problems and I run to food, social media, or anger towards everyone, why don’t I just run to God? That’s all he wants me to do. Run straight to him.

I suggest that everyone reads these chapters but I’ll will put my favorite verses from each. Keep praying that God will put the things on your heart that you need to deal with. Pray that he will prepare you so that you can deal with them and move forward.

“I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.”

‭Jeremiah 33:8

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.””

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“”If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”